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shockedemojiatsv · 28 days

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▪︎■☆ Новое Mолоко 🐮🥛 ☆■▪︎

(Translation: New Milk)

☆ 🔞!!NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!🔞

☆ male! subtop! Francis Mosses / male! dombottom! Reader

☆ overstimulation if ya squint a lil, milking, breeding, dumbification, passing out, belly bulge (If your not into this, look away!! 👻👻)

☆ implied Russian speaking Francis (translated from google translate and research for needed accuracy, however, any form of critique or correction definetely is allowed!)

☆ short (I think???)

☆ author has played Not My Neighbor

°○☆nsfw under the cut☆○°

You and Francis had a thing. And, fuck, for a minimum wage worker who barely gets any kind of rest at all, he's fucking good at what he does. He's a big fan of milking. Not his job, no, he could rant about how shitty it can be despite not wanting to get a new one (A/N: so real) but he's a fan of milking. Just the other kind of milking.

The first tim you two had sex, he was pretty sheepish about it, yeah. He didn't know if you prefered topping or bottoming so he settled for a handjob. You did the same as well. Until you both got used to each other and realized that he was pretty flexible. He'd do whatever you'd want to do, whatever you had in store, as long as if it wasn't too much for either of you. He loves fucking but he surely isn't a sex devient. Somewhere in the middle. Pliant to whatever you to had planned. But recently, he may or may not have discovered a new kink. Somethig that made his legs flex and his stamina increase and the gooey, warm, and fuzzy gears in his head grind back to life to keep on going. The last time you two had sex, there was now no condom, and he was pounding you into the bed that you swore Isaack would definetely send a formally written complain, persuasive enough for the both of you to not have such intense, hot, steamy sex for the next few months, (He's a reporter after all, have to respect the man informing the people, and he definetely has a way with words).

Humming, groaning, a little against your neck. You swore it was like a kitten, as if he was purring in a way. You pulled his hair as per usual and with a louder grunt his dark brown eyes roll up just a slight and flutter, closing shut as he fills you to the brim with his warm baby batter. Shaking, sweating, and biting his lip when he just keeps on cumming until theres nothing more to give. Or is there?

What he didn't expect, was when you suddenly whispered in the midst of him balls deep inside you,

"Thats it... good boy, you fuckin slut... Cum in me, keep milkin' yourself f'me"

Ah shit, he swore something inside of him just snapped loose. With the way he shivered violently, and as your hand loosened on his sweaty brown hair he moves again. Oh how odd, after a few rounds, the last one being penetration, he's always so tired, opting to give you a handjob or finger you if you didnt get a taste of your climax but shit. If this wasn't hot then what was?!

When you had basically degraded him to milk his balls dry you didn't mean literally, but fuck. This was so appealing, that your little milk boy had his quirks.

You look down at yourself seeing the bulge appearing on your abdoment everytime he thrusts in and god does it make you feel dizzy. Your hard dick, leaking as well just begging to cum while Francis gasps and shudders a little more, oh he looks so dumb. Trying to do as he's told. To keep milking himself. Milking himself for you. Just for motherfucking you. It keeps fuzzy sparks inside of his brain that has him smiling and drooling against your chest.

"Awe, what an adorable little cow you are... Milking your-...yourself for me... Giving me every ounce of that sweet sweet milk of yours, hmm? You wanna give me your milk Francis? You wanna fucking cum in me again?"

He feels so lightheaded that he smiles dumbly at the idea and nods as if his head is too heavy, full of warm cream. Muttering several words in russian mixed in with english as he nods slowly, trembling as his cock, still hard and moving perfectly against every spot inside of you.

"Please please please К-Куколка please... fuck fuckk- let me cum... inside... inside... cum inside please please milk me- oh... П-Пожалуйста... З-...Золотце... Пожалуйста..."

The pathetic, brown haired man sobs. Pawing at your sides like an injured little puppy. Begging so prettily, who could deny those eyes of his? all teary and tired. Small blobs of salty water dripping down his eyebags which were now disappearing, thanks to yourself for keeping his sleep schedule normal again after years of nap malnutrition.

After a few more moments of Francis groaning so softly against your ear, you feel yourself about to cum too, and when you order it directly, he really does come undone. Panting like a dog in heat while nails dig against his back skin. All the while he buries himself deep inside of you once again and fills you up with a second load of his fluids that it's practically drooling out of your hole. You hiss as well, shutting your eyes with a shudder as your dick spurts out a thick white rope of cum, coating Francis' stomach and your chest. Fuck.

Francis pants, collapsing on you. You gently push him to the side and just watch him catch his breath. Eyes closed, skin warm and sweaty while he's still inside you. All soft. But its not uncomfortable. At least now, you definetely know how you can abuse this new found information with your lovely boyfriend.

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not-your-fucking-kacchan · 2 years

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Hi ^^

I saw your most recent post, so I’m here to make a request! I couldn’t find a request info page so I hope that this is general enough. Could you do the hashiras comforting a s/o who often doesn’t sleep well and/or suffers from a lot of nightmares? My sleep schedule is utterly wrecked rn :,)

Also remember to drink water <3

HIYA! I ABSOLUTELY ADORED THIS ASK BUT I HAVENT WATCHED THAT FAR INTK DEMON SLAYER AND DIDNT REALLY REMEMBER THEIR PERSONALITIES NSKLABEJDJDNDJF

I had to do some research but i managed! :D

Masterlist<3

Hashira x Insomniac!Reader Headcanons

Tengen

He would definately wake up in the middle of the night in your shared bed that accommodates Tengen and his other three wives

You definately all sleep together and you like to cuddle with the girls whenever you can since they're your wives too

You're sweating and shifting around in your sleep awkwardly and the guy can't help but voice a little "ah-" as he sees you kìck the sheets away

Within the next five minutes your devoted husband and wives are doting on you and getting you some water to drink while gently waking you up

Obviously he gives you a relaxing massage because it wouldn't be very flamboyant of him not to

When he notices your sleep pattern deteriorating over the next few days he starts becoming very protective of you, kind of like a glorified guard dog

He's understanding though, and lets you use some of his makeup to cover the dark circles in order to look "more flamboyant!" And you appreciate the gesture. He knows when to help you with your problem and not to reprimand you for something out of your control

He definately makes tea with the other wives to help you sleep better

When you're tired on the way back from a mission he is more than willing to give you a piggyback ride, and his firm grip on your leg is enough to assure you that you're safe and won't fall

He absolutely refuses to bother you when you actually do manage to sleep, guarding you like always and making sure that you get every ounce of sleep that you can

Sanemi

He would most definately watch in silence as one night you stay up through the entire night, confronting you about it when he gets really concerned

Sleepless nights aren't uncommon in their profession sometimes, but your bags look bad and you look like you just rolled out of the grave

His concern looks more like anger and confusion, but you manage to talk it out with him, and the second he realises that you've been having nightmare after nightmare has him reeling

How come he didn't know about this before? How come you didn't tell him? What happened?

He's definately angry with himself but you don't understand why, it's just some bad sleep

Rest assured he is cuddling you closer every night, holding you close to him and letting you trace your fingers along his scars until you fall asleep

He also doesn't mention the teas and the hot water bottle that he got for you

And apparrently he doesn't know shit about the stuffed animal that appared on the bed a day after you told him

On days where the exhaustion gets especially bad and you collapse, he takes off his jacket and wraps you in it, his eyebrows furrowing in concern while he holds you up bridal style, ready to carry you to bed now and reprimand you for being reckless later

As you're asleep and there's noone there to bare witness, he lets his head rest on your shoulder, letting your perfume run through his nose and nuzzling your neck like an affectionate cat would headbutt it's owner

Mitsuri

When she wakes up to find you with your head nestled into her breasts and your eyes open, complimanted by dark bags, she's immediately fawning and worrying about you

She's so adorable. She's got heart eyes for you and everything

She would definately pet and stroke your hair like you're some kind of cat and would pull you closer to coddle you

Any time she sees that you're up late despite being tired or in need of a break she comes up behind you and cuddles her chest to your back, pressing her arms around you and resting her chin on your shoulder

Confesses her love to you every ten seconds becaise she's obsessed with her lover, and puts you to bed on a regular basis after that

Of course she tucks you in as well

She makes the bed around you, lets you relax, and leaves to make you tea, and it makes your soul sing

She absolutely adores you, and is willing to remind you of that by letting you use her lap like a pillow and putting little braids in your hair

This happens out in the open as well, if you're in need of a quick power-nap, and on a few occasions she's shown Shinobu the cute braids she does, and lets her teach her even more styles to use on your hair

As a result of this you've acquired many a butterfly themed hair clip or band, and their serene, but somehow simultaneously mischievous smiles are one of your favourite sights to wake up to now

Kyojuro

He is absolutely infatuated with you

When you start developing strange and worrying sleeping habits he is incredibly quick to catch on and recognise the problem

The man is very transparrent about his worry for you no matter how strong you are or how well you can take care of yourself

He doesn't even mind how stubborn you are in regards to talking about it because he knows that if something was seriously wrong you would tell him without a doubt

But when he's giving you soft praise and passionate cuddles and kisses after waking you up from a particularly harsh night terror, you're all the more grateful to have him supporting you

Would definately rub your back in small circles and put effort into giving you a relaxing massage to help relieve muscle pain and tension

As you both sit in the dark it still does nothing to hide his beaming smile that he still directs to you, and you suddenly feel that much better, despite having been worried about inconveniencing or annoying him with your problems

He's there with you to support and help you out when you get flashbacks or especially triggering dreams, holding you with strong and sturdy arms and stroking your hair

And when you end up curling up in his lap in exhaustion, he only smiles and puts out the light, braiding your hair while he watches over you

Muichiro

When you admit to him that you've had trouble sleeping, he is initially very confused

He really does try his best not to zone out as you talk to him though, which is something you always appreciate from him. He shows that he's at least trying to keep up

As you speak he stares straight into your soul, though, which is always a little unnerving, but he's an absolutely amazing listener and drops everything for you once he realises something is wrong. Even if it does take about three to five working days for him to realise anything

With that being said, it does take a while for your words to actually dawn on him

I'm talking, like, the next day

Now it makes sense why you've been coming to bed late and waking up even later

When he fully processes the fact that he might be able to actually help you, he's putting less caffeine in your teas and going on more expeditions to hunt demons in order to successfully tire you out

That idea was courtesy of Shinobu, whom he'd asked for help

He usually doesn't really talk to any of the other Hashiras if he doesn't have to, but he went out of his comfort zone just for you

When you both end up asleep together he cuddles into your chest, using your breasts as pillows and curling up around you like a tired cat

Gyomei

Although he's blind, he still notices the difference in your movement and the altered way that you shift your weight around him, almost as if you feel like you're heavier

He's pretty quick to pick up on the sloppy movement and the exhaustion tugging at your limbs just from your aura, and immediately there are tears running down his face as he cries for you, praying for your wellbeing

On the plus side, his mountain-like form is the perfect resting place when you want a quick nap

His muscles are huge, but not as rock hard as you would think they are until he flexes, making them the perfect resting spot for your head

Improvised cushion

You're not sure whether he's crying because you just called him a cushion, or because he's happy that you're comfortable, but for the sake of your sanity, you assume it's the latter

He's as cuddly as a teddy bear and the second you wake up from a nightmare you immediately know that you're safe because he's got his arms wrapped around you, dwarfing you in comparison

He stays up with you sometimes if you're really strugggling to get to sleep because he doesn't want you to be alone

and when you stay awake through an entire night he pulls you aside and lets you doze off in the safety of his arms. He radiates warmth as well, and he considers it a beautiful boding moment when you sleep on him

He thinks that when you sleep on him, you're letting him be in control when you're at your most vulnerable, and he cries every time he thinks about it

He cries for you when you tell him about your nightmares as well, showing you his sympathy through his tears and resting your foreheads together

Obanai

He tries not to make you aware of how much he cares for you because it's a little embarrassing for him, but he notices immidiately when something is off about you

The first time the nightmares really affect you that badly you look a mess in the morning, your hair is greasy and knotted and your eyes are drooping shut, circled by dark bags

He listens a little more intently to you that day and hangs around a little longer, his touches lingering longer as well as he debates on whether to talk to you about it or not.

The next time it happens he is significantly worried and ends up questioning you with the same monotonous voice, yet with a tinge of worry to it

As he pries every last detail from you, he makes the decision to stay with you and help so that you don't feel so exhausted and worn to the bone anymore

It works like a charm because he's strict about your diet and your excorcise habits that aren't helping you. No more coffee or lounging around for you broke your heart

He cuddles tight when you sleep though, and even his snake curls up around you both as you feel his firm grip on you even in your sleep

He provides you with a back massage as he lays next to you when you start to drift off, and when you wake up the next day he rests his forehead against yours as if to say good morning

There is no way that any one else knows about this because he refuses to tell anyone and cusses them out with a sneer if they make any comments

He does like to sit in the trees with your back against his chest though, and he uses this opportunity to let you vent about your nightmares

He might not have a lot of advice to give you, and he seems relatively apathetic on the outside, but he lets you know he cares with his small gestures of affection and the occasional "i love you" when he feels it hasn't been said enough

Giyu

He starts to get very cuddly as soon as he notices you starting to get fidgety

Every time you let out an especially loud whimper or you start moving a little too much, he's quick to wrap his arms around your waist and hoist you up

You'll be kicking and crying and all of a sudden he's no longer spooning you, he's sitting up on the bed with you in his lap, cuddled against him

He always likes to put his hand against the back of your head and push it into his chest, letting you cry into his arms and not saying a word except for a whispered "'s okay. I love you"

He holds your hand in your sleep and tries not to wake you up, instead opting to try soothing your nightmare so that you don't end up sleep deprived

Blue eyes stay trained on your now relaxed expression as he basically pets you, that same longing stare on his face but with just a touch more love and adoration in his eyes

All this big baby wants is to hold you

And he sleeps like an absolute baby when he's with you

He's also probably started noticing that you've been having strange sleeping habits before you did yourself

He's already gone to Shinobu for advice since if anyone knew about this kind of thing it would probably be her

He doesn't like to let her know that he's following her advice to the T, but she already knows. He can't hide from her. She'll do anything to protect you two

Shinobu

Her expression barely even faulters as you admit to her that you've been experiencing sleep problems lately

She only gives you a serene, sympathetic smile, staying awefully quiet

"Oh, i see..."

In reality she's just thinking over in great detail every single thing she could possibly do to help you out

Is a hundred percent making you drinks with sleep stimulants and feeding you medicine with your food, herbal teas are served to you every day for the next week and you can't help but sweatdrop as she provides you with every kind of drug or medicine possible that could help you sleep easier

Is she stying to knock out a horse?? Damn those teas are strong-...

She lets you talk to her about your nightmares, which have already started to impact your daily life in the form of flashbacks and paranoia. She's an amazing listener

She is more than willing to sing to you and oh. my. god.

Her voice puts you right to sleep sometimes

She's often seen sitting at the butterfly estate on the decking with you next to her, your head resting on her shoulder and her head resting on top of yours

Obviously she's playing with your hair like you're some kind of dress up doll - you would have to use all ten fingers and probably some of your toes to count the amount of times you've woken up with a new hairstyle or some kind of butterfly accessory in your hair

You wouldn't have it any other way, though. Who wouldn't want to wake up feeling glam??

When you take a nap on her chest she will always tease you after

"are they soft?" "you sure looked comfortable"

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q-gorgeous · 2 years

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Organ Harvest

trying no links to ao3 or ffn again cuz my last one didnt do so good and im not sure if its because of that or the time it was posted but! heres this one. this is not a continuation of the rest of my ectober fics so far, this one goes on its own. i combined these two prompts because i put them in the calendar like this so why wouldnt i kjbhgv

WARNINGS: vivisection, dissection, off screen character death

the dismemberment song

Jack walked in through the front door holding two bags of groceries. He kicked the door closed behind him with his foot and dropped his keys into the bowl on the table that sat beside the couch.

“I’m home!” Jack called into the house. No one responded.

He set the bags of groceries down on the kitchen counter and turned to face the basement door.

“Maddie, are you down there? It’s about time we should start making dinner.”

No reply. The only thing he heard was the clinking of metal as it was placed down on one of the metal counters. They hadn’t made any plans to dissect or study any ghosts today. What was she doing down there?

Jack pushed open the basement door the rest of the way and started heading down the stairs to the lab.

As he got closer to the second door that was slightly ajar, he could smell copper and iron, it burned his nose on the way in. If she was going to be doing experiments down here, the second door should have been shut. They’ve had enough ecto contamination in their food even after they stopped storing samples inside the fridge upstairs. What was the point of having these safety measures if they weren’t even going to-

Jack froze. The door glided to a stop after he pushed it open, making a shrill creaking sound.

Maddie stood in front of the operation table arms deep inside their son's chest.

Blood coated her arms all the way up to her elbows, gradually fading into ectoplasm. When she turned to look at him she had a frightening glint in her eyes and a kidney in her hands.

Scattered around her were jars and jars filled with formaldehyde and various organs. She turned away from him and placed the kidney she was holding into one of the open jars.

Maddie turned to face Jack again and as he searched her face he doesn’t find a single ounce of remorse anywhere.

“What did you do to our son?” Jack asked with a shaky voice.

Maddie tsked. “That thing wasn’t our son.”

“Excuse me?” Jack asked lowly. “He’s laying right there. You’re covered in his blood.”

“It’s all a part of this ghost’s trickery. A last ditch attempt to save itself.” Maddie turned to look at where their son laid on the cold metal table. “I was performing a vivisection on Phantom. Then suddenly a light was engulfing his body and when it dissipated he had turned into Danny. I don’t know how he had been able to disguise himself well enough for his ectoplasm to turn red but it’s not Danny.”

“Then where is Danny? Where is our son?”

Maddie waved his questions off. “I dropped him off at the Nasty Burger earlier today. I found Phantom not too long after that fighting another ghost across the street. He begged me to listen to him, that he needed to tell me something.” Maddie let out a sharp laugh. “How funny it is how much he tries to mimic us, to trick us. I never let it fool me though, and I finally got him.”

Jack's horror was mounting.

His son was dead. His son was dead and Maddie was too blind to believe she had killed him.

Did she not think it too much of a coincidence that she found Phantom where Danny was supposed to be? How much they looked alike now that he was thinking about it? How could she still not see it when Phantom turned into their son and died with her hands in his chest?

Jack turned around and started stumbling up the stairs.

“Oh, Jack, sweetie, are you okay? Perhaps I should have warned you before you came down. I was just so wrapped up in my research that I forgot to call you.”

He pulled the basement door shut behind him in the kitchen and panted, leaning against the door.

“Dad, are you okay?” Jazz walked up to him with a glass of water.

He shook his head. “I need you to go outside and wait across the street.”

“What? Why?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Something’s happened to Danny. Your mother-”

A glass shattered and when his eyes snapped open Jazz was no longer holding her cup and her hands were covering her mouth. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears.

“Did she do something to him?” She whispered.

Jack nodded and pushed her towards the front door. “I need you to go wait outside while I call the police. I don’t want you to have to see what happened down there.”

Tears started rolling down Jazz’s cheeks and she turned towards the front door, running to it and throwing the door open. She didn’t bother to close it behind her.

Jack took a deep breath and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He dialed 911 and waited, his stomach turning, while it rang.

“Hello, 911, what is your emergency?”

He took another deep breath, and when he spoke his voice was shaky and gravelly.

“My wife murdered my son. My son is dead.”

#gorgi writes #danny phantom #ectober2022 #jack fenton #maddie fenton #danny fenton #jazz fenton #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #phic #angst

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c0rpseductor · 2 years

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i seriously can't even believe how people like that commentor get by like that when i'm like, the type of person who doesn't even participate in a conversation at all if i don't have a good grasp of the topic, and its really just. astonishing to me. to see people acting like that.. what drives people to just say shit and throw their own guesses out without even doing an ounce of actual research. if i don't understand something i do my research to try and understand it, in good faith, and its just so unreal to me imagining being like that. and it happens all the time with with DID because people are saying this off of absolutely Nothing because the only thing they know is like, the bare minimum understanding of what things are about and like, whatever media they've heard about stuff in. "googled things maybe once or twice" behavior

like, maybe i'm just used to knowing how DID works, but its fr the furthest thing from crazy at all by just understanding things like, how dissociation works, or how its on a post traumatic spectrum and just a lot of normal responses dialed up to 100. i'm literally going to force like 5 different books into peoples hands before they're allowed to say anything about DID online

HONESTLY!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! like the absolutely sky-high unearned confidence people have to talk about this shit like they know anything based on having seen an episode of united states of tara or something is. nuts.

i try to be the same way where, like, if i genuinely have not looked into something at all i try not to talk about it like i Know. it's astonishing truly.

i definitely wish there was a way to like make it so that people had to take a quiz about DID before saying their stupid fucking dumb opinion and if they didnt pass it they were locked out of the comments

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 3 years

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(Urgent) Hello! I really need help, I already searched on the internet but didnt find a satisfying answer so I really hope you'll be able to help. Soo I have to take swimming classes, I've been doing it and it's okay, the problem is that I'm on my period and absolutely can't wear tampons (or things similar) and I obviously don't have and won't get special swimwear. I don't want to tell my parents because I doubt they will understand.

Is there something I can do?

Lee says:

This is a good question! It’s probably relevant to a lot of transmasculine folks with the summer coming up and people being able to return to the pools and beaches since many of us are fully vaccinated now.

Unfortunately, I could come up with only six different (non-ideal) options to solve the problem:

1) Don't go swimming when you have your period

This might be a good option for a casual swimmer, but it isn't ideal if you're in swim classes and can't reschedule a class, or on a swim team and can't miss a practice or meet.

You could always quit and find a new form of exercise / a new job / a new sports team, but obviously that’s sort of a last resort if you can’t find any solution at all.

2) Wear a tampon

Tampons can be worn safely while swimming and prevent the blood from staining your suit when you get out of the pool.

To help prevent toxic shock syndrome, which is rare but dangerous, use the lowest absorbency tampon you can and change your tampon every 4-8 hours or as often as needed. Don’t leave your tampon in for more than 8 hours.

You said that you “absolutely can't wear tampons,” but didn’t clarify why you can’t do it. If the reason is unrelated to dysphoria then you may have a medical condition, or it may be that your hymen is covering the opening to your vagina. A doctor or nurse (either your primary care provider or someone at a nearby Planned Parenthood or similar) can help you figure out why it’s causing pain and figure out what to do about it if you do suspect it’s medical-related and not psychological.

Many trans people like wearing tampons for their convenience and because tampons don’t cause the bloody-diaper feeling that pads can cause; there are a number of anons who have told us that using tampons make them feel less dysphoric than wearing pads.

Putting in a tampon usually doesn’t hurt, but it may take some practice in the beginning.

3) Wear a menstrual cup

Menstrual cups are safe to wear when you’re swimming, and function similarly to tampons.

Menstrual cups are great for people who are stealth but still get a period.

They’re small and easy to hide in your bedroom/dorm room/summer camp cabin, they’re reusable so you don’t have to buy more than one, and you can often use one cup for up to 10 years so you don’t have to buy them often.

Menstrual cups are discreet because you can wear a menstrual cup for 8-12 hours at a time, or until it’s full; this is because they hold 1 ounce of liquid, roughly twice the amount of a super-absorbent tampon or pad.

Having to emptying it only 2-3 times a day means you don’t have to carry extras with you that someone might notice in your bag, you never have to change your cup in the bathroom at school or at work, and you don’t have to worry about changing it in the locker room before you go swimming.

Menstrual blood can start to smell when it’s exposed to air, but your cup forms an airtight seal so there’s less odor to bother you, and nothing for other people to notice either.

Cups may look kind of big, but most people can’t feel them once they’re in.

Putting in a cup shouldn’t hurt, but it may take some practice in the beginning.

4) Wear a menstrual disc

Menstrual discs are similar to menstrual cups and can be worn swimming as well.

They aren’t reusable and are placed in a different way, but many of the pros are the same as those for cups.

5) Buy swimwear that helps catch or hide the blood

There are swimsuits which are dark colored and have absorbent layers built in to catch blood when you’re out of the pool (Example) but that isn’t very useful if you’re actually in the pool, or if you’re required to wear a certain type of swimsuit as a lifeguard, swimming instructor, or member of a swimming team. So this isn’t an ideal option, and you said that you don't have and won't get special swimwear.

6) Stop your menstrual cycle so you don't get your period while swimming (or at all, in general!)

This post lists a few non-dysphoria-related excuses you can use when asking your parents to stop your period, but saying that it interferes with your swimming lessons should be reason enough.

Everything you need to know about stopping your period with birth control

Everything you need to know about birth control

What You Need to Know About Birth Control and Breast Cancer

What’s up with birth control pills and vaping?

Will the chemicals in birth control mess me up?

What are birth control side effects?

Can I get birth control at Planned Parenthood without my parents’ permission?

Birth Control Your Own Adventure

Does depo-provera cause depression?

Are Low-Dose Birth Control Pills Right for You?

Given the information in your ask, you can’t skip lessons so option #1 is out, you can’t use tampons so option #2 is out, you won’t get special swimwear so option #5 is out, and you can’t tell your parents that you want to stop your period so option #6 is out.

That leaves options #3 and #4, menstrual cups and discs. I would recommend doing some research on each option to see what fits your needs the best.

However, if you feel unable to discuss menstruation with your parents, I would recommend a cup because they’re reusable you only need to buy one and that’s a good thing because it saves you money in the long term and you don’t need to repeatedly have to buy something that you’re embarrassed to talk about and hiding from them.

Here’s an article reviewing different menstrual cups here and I’d suggest looking at that.

That article has links to buy the cups online, and this post explains how to buy something online without a credit card and without your parents finding out.

You can also buy menstrual cups in-person at a pharmacy, if there’s one close enough for you to walk or bike to, or if you can get a friend to bring you.

Hopefully that’s a good start for things to consider, but I know that it probably isn’t the satisfying answer that you were hoping for since you won’t like any of the options.

However, I will note that I had a hysterectomy in 2018 so it’s been a lil while since I’ve had to deal with swimming while menstruating myself, so if the followers have any ideas that I’ve forgotten please feel free to add on!

(And yeah, a hysterectomy will definitely solve this issue for you but I’m assuming that’s a no-go in your situation which is why I didn’t include it in the list)

Anyhow, followers, any advice for anon?

#Lee says #swimming #summer #periods #menstruation

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cherrykamado · 2 years

Note

Cherry!!! Here to send you some asks hehe how about:

- Tell me why you started following me

- Tell me about your favourite fic

- Tell me about a funny story

Love you Mrs Kamado!!!!! <3

REI NO BC THE WAY U CALLED ME BY MY TRUE IDENTITY..... IM SQUEALING NJASNJKSNGKARESG SMILING EAR TO EARRRRR ILY MWAH<3

anon honesty hour ask game

1. gndjdskgdsj would u believe me if i told u i dont remember- i'm almost sure it was because of you being into kny, and i was so hyped over kny when i first started watching it (i still am, not a single ounce of excitements left my body ever since lmao)

Either that or levi!!! tbh i should do my research fairgnrasg either way im so glad ur my mootie 🥺💚

2. OMG BC I DONT HAVE JUST ONE FAV FIC i love em all so much!!!!!!! but if i gotta mention one that got me on edge, going mad that was miss @/bakugosbratx beautifully obsessed, her yanbakugo series!!! i swear. my love for yanderes bloomed thanks to her literally gnkrna

3. HAHAHHAHA ISTG I HAVE A LOT BUT HEAR THIS ONE- i was vibing with my friends and bf at sum hall, it was like 2 am or something and we were literally sitting on sum stairs and vibing. THEN, i look in front of me and i see a guy with a crutch across the street walking by. he stops. all of the sudden he's turning to me and takes the crutch off (like from under his arm). then he stares at me and, when i least expect it hes shushing. i couldn't even think of anything else but: this man is not okay, why does this happen to me only, whyyyyyyy -

then the guy looks behind him all of the sudden (there's a wall) as if someone was behind, like following? and then turns back at me and shushes again like you didnt see anything. right after that, the guy starts walking normally, like he didn't even need that crutch!!

i burst out laughing bc it was like..... no explanation; just dementia. utter dementia.

PLS AND LIKE THIS ONE I HAVE MANY MORE

#🍒— cherry's mail #🍒— cherry's moots #rei<3 #🍒— ask games #LMFAO PLS AND THERES ANOTHER ONE OF A GUY WHO THOUGHT I LOOKED LIKE ADELE BUT COULDNT MAKE OUT HER NAME #SO HE JUST STARTED PLAYING DRUMS W HIS BODY N SINGING ROLLING IN THE DEEP #IN WHATEVER LANGUAGE HE WAS SINGING #LMFAO #what a wild night

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muwur · 4 years

Note

idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this

self-love

♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.7k words

a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors

oikawa

♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice

♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look

♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked

♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”

♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full

♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack

♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school

♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach

♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained

♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual

♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant

♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it

♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you

♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”

♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...

♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips

♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away

♡ ”I’m fine..!”

♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush

♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”

♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself

♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply

♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him

♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you

♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies

♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch

♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together

♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well

♡ You could manage on just water

♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals

♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it

♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in

♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere

♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty

♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal

♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”

♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”

♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame

♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading

♡ “Y/n, look at me.”

♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”

♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”

♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response

♡ “Do you know why?”

♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question

♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile

♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”

♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”

♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”

♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”

♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”

♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently

♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”

♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow

♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”

♡ “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”

♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”

♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”

♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner

♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious

♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa

♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:

♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’

♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’

♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘

♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’

♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’

♡ True to his word, he remained understanding

♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence

♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid

♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him

♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated

♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you

♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him

♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally

♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts

♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)

♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay

♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone

♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day

♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man

♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him

♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement

♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)

♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie

♡ Mid-movie be like:

♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?

♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”

♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”

♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)

♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once

♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing

♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair

♡ Y’all get better at it tho

♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)

♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)

♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended

♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too

♡ Has help resources READY

♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint

♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits

♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you

♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities

♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect

kuroo

♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him

♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs

♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable

♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly

♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness

♡ And so you tried to cope

♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you

♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin

♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you

♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right

♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them

♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere

♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame

♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards

♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc

♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look

♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud

♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt

♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose

♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve

♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself

♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself

-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--

-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace

-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame

-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall

- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”

-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today

- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”

-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial. You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--

-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed

-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone

-You were about to murmur in response when,

- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”

- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response

-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders

-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips

- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”

♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”

♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”

♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”

♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”

♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”

♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm

♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth

♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack

♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”

♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop

♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”

♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you

♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)

♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits

♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”

♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)

♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc

♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing

♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)

♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)

♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer

♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing

♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder

♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up

♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt

♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water

♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you

♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change

♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕

a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF

also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat

also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.

by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu x reader angst #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu x reader fluff #tw

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babysizedfics · 4 years

Note

what is the difference between a hyperfixation and a special interest? idk ngjxhchshfh youve mentioned it in hcs and im curious -🌙

i will do my best to explain but if u want to know more i suggest researching online! im not using sciencey terms this is kind of how i make sense of it so its quite simplified, i do suggest you research further if youre really interested! also im not a trained expert or anything this is just what ive learned over the years from my own experiences and research

i also include examples from my life to try to help u visualise/contextualise it

special interest is a term exclusive to autistic people! it is not to be used by anyone not autistic even if they are neurodivergent in another way!

it's a passionate and intense interest that leaks into all areas of an autistic person's life and usually last for several years (though it is possible to have short term ones) - because vee is the only autistic person in this series he is the only one who has special interests.

For example ever since i was a child i have loved winnie the pooh and it has never changed, anytime i hear about it or see anything that reminds me of it i get super excited and my brain focuses on that for as long as its allowed to. the interest inserts itself into my everyday life, i make references to it in speech and recognise it in things that are unrelated etc etc

hyperfixation is a noun and hyperfocus is a state - they are for both autistic people and people with adhd to use! a hyperfixation is an activity or interest that takes a neurodivergent person's entire focus for defined bouts of time (hyoerfocus). It is mainly more short term than special interests (ranging from hours to months, but usually not more than that) but it does not leak into every aspect of their life. It is confined mostly to periods of hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus is a state wherein a neurodivergent person is so fixated on a task or interest to the point of neglecting other important things such as eating, going to the bathroom, and responsibilities. The fact that it causes neglect of other important tasks is an intrinsic part of hyperfocus, otherwise it would simply just be really concentrated. Hyoerfocus is not exclusive to interests, it can be a state entered into for menial tasks and other things. The main point is that it takes every ounce of the person's concentration, so they will often forget to eat, hydrate, go to the bathroom, go to sleep, go to appointments, etc. because they are so deep into the hyperfocus that that is all that exists to them (commonly hyperfocus lasts several hours but can be slightly shorter)

for example one night my friend wanted to know about another au i was working on and i decided to type the whole idea up. I was typing for five hours straight and barely stopped for breath, i didnt even notice time going by until i had 10k words, a major headache, and aching stomach and bladder and just generally feeling absolutely terrible because i didnt look after my body because i didn't even remember i HAD a body while i was so focussed

i hope this helped a bit, like i said im not trained in this its all from my research and experiences, i have no authority over it and may not have explained it incredibly well. still i hope this at least helps you understand what i mean when i use these terms in relation to this au!! also i use 'mainly' and 'commonly' and words like that a lot because everyone is different and there are anomalies! everyone is valid!

#asks #🌙 anon

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diamondsnpolaroids · 4 years

Text

I know I havent posted in awhile, and I will catch you all up on my weekly polaroid progression shots but I've really been struggling this week and I need to get it out somewhere.

Yes. I am still pregnant. In 3 days I'll finally be 40 weeks. A milestone I never thought I'd get to because this entire pregnancy has been a rollercoaster of emotions, pain and endless struggles. I didnt want to be pregnant this long. At all. This is going to be long and there will be a lot of personal details, but I need to get it out. I'm tired of having all these thoughts with no outlet.

Since I was 16 years old I was convinced I would never be able to have a child. It was always a devastating thought until I got to the age of 22 when i finally kind of accepted the fact and was okay not becoming a mother. The one thing i wanted between those years, the one thing that broke my heart was I'd never be able to experience the feeling of being pregnant. That may seem silly because that's such a short period of time when it comes to being a mother. 9 months of growing a human compared to the years and years of seeing that person grow is so minuscule. But for some reason that was always what broke me most.

I was dating the same man that entire time. I was 16 when we first starting dating, and I'll be convinced till the day I die that he was my soulmate. He was my best friend over absolutely anything. I could be my totally authentic self with him. He knew how weird I was and stayed. He watched me drown myself in my depression and stayed. He saw me act like a child, like an adult, my worst and best moments. Experienced my grief and my biggest accomplishments and was always right there for me. Growing up with an alcoholic drug addict father I knew I needed a man that would never abandon his family for those things. He was the man I knew I never needed to worry about.

I never really noticed the abusive behavior. The mental torture, isolation, the control he held over me, how hard his harsh words would hit.. it never really crossed my mind because when the good times were good, they were great. When they were bad, I was convinced it was all on me. My depression was the controlling one. My insane mind was the problem. Never him. Then the alcohol started to take over. He consumed himself in it whenever he had the chance. His childhood was ruined by this substance just like mine was and he was slowly turning to it instead of working out his trauma that it caused. Hed increase the intake slowly but surely and when it got too much for me to handle I'd cry and beg that he stopped. Seeing how upset it made me the first few times hed stop or slow down. But it was never for long. Hed go a week and then once again it would slowly increase and the cycle would continue. After awhile, I was "crazy" and he was "just doing what everyone our age was doing". No one our age was drinking 6+ a night on week days and spending $200 at least per night on the weekends. By the time we hit 7 years it got to an all time low. April of 2019 I realized all of this wasnt okay any more. An old friend had walked into my life and for the first time in years I was treated like a human being with feelings. Real feelings that were valid. I was told and shown that I was no where near the same happy girl I once was. It was all over my face and in my body language that I was a totally different person and not in a good way. It was clear just by looking in my eyes that I was severely depressed. I was reassured that my decision to split to work on ourselves was indeed the best step forward I could have ever taken.

My boyfriend reluctantly agreed to end the relationship for the sake of bettering ourselves or else we'd never last as a long term couple. He stopped drinking. Wed still hangout but was met with an extreme depression on his end, begging for me to stay and help him through it as if I hadn't tried for years and years. I knew nothing I could do would make him change, it needed to be a decision he made for himself. He had ruined every part of my being and I needed to explore who I was as an individual. My old friend made me feel ways I hadn't in years and eventually I caved to my emotions and desperate need to feel wanted without the attachment and abusive behavior always on my shoulders. I wasnt with my ex, and I kept it from him. After a month I started to notice his changes but it wasnt enough. He still tried to keep me wrapped around his finger while questioning my every move. He was working on it though, and I was noticing the change, but I couldnt stop what I was doing.

After another month he found out. He was upset, naturally, but was still around. He still wanted to work on it. Then 3 days later I took my first pregnancy test. It was positive. I kept it to myself praying it was a fluke. I took 2 more the next day. It wasnt. I took one last one, called my doctor, then called him over. I told him, and it wasnt an ideal reaction. He was forcing an abortion on me. For someone who never thought they could get pregnant, to find out after years that it was indeed possible, I just couldnt. This was a miracle in my eyes. Once I told him I couldnt, giving him the option to sign off all his rights and to stay away if that's what he wanted, he accepted he was going to be a father. But he also disappeared. Just up and left, and I was met with the worst mental abuse he could ever dish out for weeks. I had never felt so low in my entire life. Being told our child is a mistake, how terrible of a person I was and how him not being around is totally and completely my fault. What i failed to mention is for the last 3 years of our relationship he would use snapchat to talk to girls behind my back. I'd check his phone after every fight and hed go out drinking, just to see up to 7 different girls names with a "sent" notification beside them. I'd delete them off his contacts, confront him, ect ect, but he never stopped. I was always ashamed I stayed with someone who could do this but my love for him was so blind and so strong.. I couldnt let go.

Whenever I would mention all the hurt he caused me, it never compared to me sleeping with someone else while we weren't even together. It was ALL. MY. FAULT. And he couldnt take even an ounce of responsibility for how he treated me and pushed me out of his arms. After 2 weeks of us knowing I'm pregnant, he started seeing someone else. He was drinking beyond what he ever was with me, and now he was with someone else. Some girl who was also fresh out of a long term relationship, totally okay with the fact he was to but also expecting a baby with. I shouldnt have been mad or upset, we weren't together, but it hurt. I wanted the man I thought I'd never have to worry about being a good dad to actually be here with me on this journey. But he wasnt. For the months to come he gave me promises that their relationship wasnt an offical thing and reassured me he doesnt think she'll be around long. I shouldnt give up hope on us. My hormonal, emotional self prayed that was true.. until they became official in September.

Once that happened, it was like a ghost town. I only saw him for the 3 ultrasounds we had to pay for. He never came to any doctors appointments, he didnt feel the baby move, nothing. The entire time blaming me for him not being around. I sat at home every day after long shifts at work knowing I'm all alone in this world, growing a baby, doing everything by myself while he lived his life with no responsibility, laying next to her every night. Every day my heart broke. Some days were better than others, but not a single day I didnt wish and pray that hed atleast be there for his child. I knew my feelings weren't relevant anymore, I just wanted my son to have a father. He needed to have a father. I wasnt going to let my kid go through life always wondering why he wasnt enough for him like I did. I still hurt for myself, but no where near as much as I hurt for my son. I was given empty promises from my ex, he said hed call every day so atleast if he didnt watch our baby grow inside of me, hed atleast know his voice when he finally arrives. But hed go days without calling, and it would somehow turn into my fault because I hurt him too much to call his son.

I've spent this entire pregnancy working on myself, on my mental health, researching how to be a mother, what I need to do and stay away from, how to cope with every type of situation that may arise. I've done nothing but work on growing myself to be the best person I could be for my son. He just stayed drinking away his problems, distracting himself in every type of way he could. Avoiding all responsibilities of becoming a father soon.

Fast forward to about a week ago, when a phone call got a little spicy heated between us and ended in me sending him some snapchats of myself by his request. I know I shouldnt have, he was with someone else, but I missed him and wanted one last feeling of being wanted by the man I always thought I'd marry. I did exactly what broke me the last 3 years of our relationship and I really didnt feel bad about it. For 2 days this continued until it just stopped and he got cold with me. Once again, I'm left broken hearted but this time, I know it's my own fault.

During the time before this, for months I highly considered giving my son my last name. It made sense. He wasnt reliable enough to even spend 30 seconds every day to call his son, how could I ever believe hed be there every day for him once he was born? It was logical. Everyone who knew our situation told me I should even before I brought up that being an option I was weighing in my mind.

A few days after our snapchatting stopped, I had to finally tell him. I couldnt bring myself to blindside him with something so serious. I should have, really, but I still hold his feelings deep in my heart, and I couldnt hurt the man I spent over 7 years with like this. So I told him. He broke. But not in any way I ever thought he would. He confessed how he still loved me, how everyone around him knows he still loves me, ending with how much this would break his heart, giving us no chance of ever being together again. We'd never be able to do things as a family, hed never look at me or our son again. It was, to say the least, extremely intense. But it also left me wondering if this was one of the many manipulative ways he knows to get what he wants. He always brought "us" up to get his way on things. It felt genuine, but I'm also extremely hormonal and yes I still love and miss him like crazy.

It's been a few days since then and theres been no word of any feelings since. Hes been cold and more distant and my heart is once again broken into a million pieces. Hes called a couple times but he still misses days. I was given the go ahead to try and self induce labour by my midwives so I have been. When he calls and asks what I did with my day, I'd tell him. Last night apparently I shouldnt have. I was met with anger because I should "leave him be, he'll come when hes ready" as if he knows any kind of physical pain I've been through these last few months.

These past 2 weeks alone I have felt nothing but pain. Between feeling my hips separating, my pelvic bones shifting and my son's head descending lower, constant back pain, not being able to walk properly, my kid sitting on nerves leaving my legs feeling paralyzed or sending shocks into my vagina. Not being able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time max, peeing every hour on the hour, his feet kicking my ribs so hard I curl over, getting his feet stuck under them as well. The pains are unimaginable as you can see, now mixed with all the emotional distress I've been under... you could imagine how I'm ready for this child to enter the world. But no.. I'm being selfish. He isnt ready. I'm fine to keep going. Because apparently my ex knows everything my body is enduring just to bring our child into this world. It broke my fucking heart last night when he yelled at me for it. Absolutely shattered it.

Which brings us to this picture. I couldnt sleep once again, and every time I woke up I was met with mind numbing depression and long crying spells. I feel more alone than ever. My 16-22 years of age is crying for me knowing this was all I ever wanted out of life and it has been constantly ruined and brought down by a man I never knew would act the way he has been. This pregnancy was so easy in almost every aspect compared to most women, I've been so so blessed to have such an easy time physically and yet I constantly feel as if he has ruined this experience for me. Sometimes the mental abuse from a man is worse than the physical. And he knew exactly how to ruin this all for his own selfish needs. I've spent all day today feeling ruined, beaten down, and just straight up depressed. I'm not ready to be a mother, infact I am absolutely scared shitless to be one. But I'm willing to go through being scared over all this physical pain I've been through that seems never ending. I'm ready to meet and love my little man. But once again I feel like I cant even be happy about it because of my ex.

I'm tired. I'm so so so tired of being so inlove with a man who has shown me time and time again he wont be the father I always knew he could be. My heart hurts so bad for my son every single day. And I'm just.... tired. Which is why I'm posting this picture along with my story. I know some women have it worse with their pregnancies and the fathers leaving. I know some men can be all of this plus physically abusive towards women. I know I dont have it the worst, but I'm trying. I need to for my son. I doubt this post will get very far, and I know a lot of judgment will come my way for it, but if my pregnancy journey can help even one woman not feel so alone, then I'm happy with sharing it.

#pregnancy mention #pregnant #preggers #pregnancy #single mother #single mom #polaroids #polaroid #instax #instant photography #inspiration #instaphoto #baby bump #baby #babyboy #my baby

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bard-dadsquared · 4 years

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In other news, I do need validation. Long angry rant is about to happen.

The other day I called my Ex on fb so he could talk to our son. I made a comment later that day how he looked like he hadnt been sleeping and how he seemed like he may be depressed, and the person i was talking to was just like

"Poor guy :(("

To which I just shrugged and told them that I didnt feel bad for him, everything he's feeling, he brought on himself.

They said "I feel kinds bad for him because I know he loves you!"

And I'm just???

Maybe he did?? Maybe he does?? But that doesn't negate all the shit he did to drive me the fuck away. I loved him too once. But then everything I said, everything I felt, everything I tried to ask for fell on deaf ears.

I don't feel bad for him because when we moved to the duplex in Texas, he left all the loading and packing to me. It was up to me to find people to help me move stuff to the new place and make sure everything was packed and ready to go. All he worried about was his PC and his desk. Hell even my brother and I had to put my bed frame together because he hadn't done it.

He was an asshole everytime we had to go back to the other house to help clean up too and got mad once because my mom asked us to bring something and he didnt bring it.

But things settled down mostly. I hated how i was expected to do almost everything but it was manageable.

Then he wanted to move and find a new job, which was fine, he sorta?? Let me know what kind of jobs he was applying for and where. But when he got an offer, he accepted it without even talking to me about it. The job he took he was going to start in two months and I had less than a months notice to pack all of our shit and leave not only that but they didn't offer relocation and he was going to be getting a little less in pay. We had less than a month to move Which again- he barely helped with. All the sorting through shit and packing was left up to me once again. I ended up leaving almost all of our stuff behind because I couldnt fucking take it with me to my moms.

I gave Virginia a shot and i was more miserable than I've been ever. I was expected to do everything. EVERYTHING. I decided to go to California. I had originally hoped that in doing so we could save some money and he could use the money we saved to get stuff for the apartment to make it more comfortable.

Which didnt really happen until April. After being with Family in Cali for a while, seeing how well lucian was doing and stuff, I honestly didn't wanna go back. I went back to sign the lease and then again a couple months after my aunt died because of how tense things were at the house, i figured it'd be a last ditch effort to save things.

But no. I tried to tell him how I felt. I tried to tell him what bothered me, why i was so depressed. I told him I felt lonely, I told him I felt like i was expected to do everything. And it always. always felt like I was talking to a wall

I told him I wished wed go out and do things more, that itd be nice and I might meet people. He wanted me to meet people online first and then meet them in person. Which totally defeated the purpose of getting me out of the. House to socialize, and even if indidnt make any friends then at least I got out and was productive. But he doesnt like leaving the house.

I told him countless times that I felt like it was unfair that he expected me to do so much work around then house with minimal help, but nothing changed. He thought helping more meant cleaning the kitchen and making easy dinners.

And while I appreciated it in wished hed help more with the living room too, or the laundry, or anything else literally. The most recent time I brought it up he managed to turn it around to finances and told me that he doesnt spend money on himself because he spends it all on me and Lucian. He told me that if i didnt get what I wanted I essentially acted like it was the end of the world.

Granted yes, I'd get disappointed and my displays depending on my mood or whether or not the item was seasonal or limited edition varried from minor to being a little mopey (i really tried not to be, most of the time i was usually more upset about the ungodly cost than anything.)

Then he invades my privacy, not once but twice I found out. This son of a bitch logged on to my discord, TWICE.

The first time he did it was a day I cleaned the whole apartment. Like I vacuumed, shampooed, cleaned the kitchen counters the best in could, did the dishes, took out the trash, wiped counters and the stove, did several loads of laundry, picked up in the bedroom.

As soon as he got home i went to my room and I guess thats when he did it. He logged onto my account on the computer and opened discord, and went through my messages.

That's literally the only reason he asked me for a divorce. Was because he had seen I've been thinking about it for a while.

And then for whatever reason he did it a second fucking time.

The irony? The first time he did it?? If hed just fucking come to me, I was gonna ask him for a divorce myself. But then he did it, and while it was a huge relief at the time, it would have taken every ounce of willpower not to slap him if I had known then that he was only asking because he went through my messages.

We managed to work things out to maintain some civility for Lucian's sake, and i was okay with that! I was glad we seemed to have cleared the air a little bit.

But then I thought about it more, he never actually apologized to me for anything. He never actually apologized for the messed up stuff he did or said, and he doesnt think he did anything wrong by going through my messages. In fact he thinks he was justified because "I needed to know how they really felt."

And then when I admitted some things I did or said was messed up, he didnt even actually own up to his bullshit. He had to lump me in with him

"Cant we bith admit that we both did and said fucked up shit?"

Like?? That's whaT I WAS JUST DOING. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME???

Then on my way to CO I find out??? He tried to say he does everything himself??? Inwas looking into the requirements to fly with my cat and dog because originally i was going to fly to Colorado. I dont remember which airline I checked, but I checked the requirements for the airline he was gonna send me on, and then he tells my step dad hes tired of doing everything himself.

WHAT???

I looked it up!! I thought I was gonna fly with a certain airline so that's who I fucking looked it up for!!! And hes trying to say he did all the footwork HIMSELF?! If I'd known he was considering another airline I WOULD HAVE LOOKED THAT UP TOO, BUT I DIDNT. Then He has the audacity to say hes tired of being the only one doing all the work??

Are you fucking kidding me????

No, nuh uh. Fuck him. I dont think I hate him surprisingly but FUCK IM LIVID.

I should by all rights hate his fucking guts, but dont, if I did the sight of him would send me into fits of rage as would the mention of his name.

But God damn I am PISSED OFF at him. So fucking pissed off. I mean for all I know hes hacked my account and is reading this right fucking now.

If you are Alex, FUCK YOU for everything you've put me through these last couple years.

fuck him. I don't feel bad for him in the least. I know I'm not fucking perfect, but I fucking tried. I gave him more chances than he fucking deserved. He held me to unfair standards, he expected me to clean house in 2 hours or less, expected me to cook every fucking night, constantly tried to tell me my mental health is harder for him than it is for me, tried to tell my family that he does all the fucking work (okay I cant make phone calls but I can do fucking research you fuck), made me out to be the bad guy constantly, doesn't own up to his bullshit, put me through all this and EXPECTED ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR GOING TO CALIFORNIA, went through my fucking discord, and countless other bullshit.

Yeah no I don't feel bad for him. Not at all, he had plenty of chances to work with me to avoid all this and he chose to ignore it. The only attempts seemed to be when I wasn't with him.

I have a lot of baggage and issues, but I fucking deserve better than that.

If hes in emotional turmoil because of what happened. He brought it on himself. I fuckin tried.

If me not feeling even a little sorry for him makes me a bad person

Then get me my fucking demon costume.

#blue.txt #long post #negative #ask to tag #I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST

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thedistantstorm · 5 years

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Phoenix Protocol 02

A Zavala x Female Guardian work.

Summary: When the Traveler’s Light was returned to the Guardians after the defeat of the Cabal, it did not manifest itself the same in everyone. Miyu, an Awoken Warlock, finds herself struggling with her abilities, her Light feeling different and not her own. With her Vanguard preoccupied with grief and all eyes turned to the Reef, she finds herself turning to an unlikely source in an attempt to rediscover her connection to the Light and define what it means for her as a Dawnblade.

[Previously]

Ikora always wants more.

By research, Ikora actually means to discuss Miyu stopping hers. Focusing on more important matters. The Reef. Uldren. Miyu wants nothing to do with any of it, and that is why she had willingly offered her services detaining escapees from the Prison of Elders despite not actually wanting to do that at all.

It gives Miyu time to actually complete some more secretive research on the side: why her Light is messed up. Why it feels like when she received hers back, after the war, it felt like it belonged to someone else, the person she used to be but wasn’t any more, coiling uneasily beneath her skin. She’s gone to Io. The Shard. Both under the guise of hunting escapees, but also to seek answers.

Neither place does and very day, the solar sword is more difficult to grasp, wings of flame beyond her reach. Telling her Vanguard that didn’t work. Ikora didn’t understand. The Void has always been at her fingertips, for as long as she’s been connected to the Traveler. With that in mind, Miyu attempts to adapt her argument, listens to Ikora insisting that she push herself and hopes that eventually either her own efforts or Ikora’s reasoning pays off.

Ikora still demands an answer, though. Wants Miyu to give her something. So, Miyu presents her personal thoughts. Based on her research, she finds that her connection to the Light is strongest while meditating or calling upon her abilities in the midst of a healing rift. Ikora is not impressed. Miyu isn’t expecting her to be. She tells Ikora the truth - that she does not believe offensive maneuvers are her true calling, not anymore. It’s something she’s believed for a while now. She can hear Ghost cheering her on in her mind for being honest - for expressing her opinion. That was rare. Miyu hated doing so, especially when she knew it was going to be an unpopular one.

Ikora, in response, cites battles, strikes, accolades. Ikora always measures a Warlock’s worth in accolades.

Miyu measures a person - Guardian, Human, Exo, Awoken, whatever - in terms of character. Heart. Sometimes she thinks that’s why she just doesn’t fit in with her more intellectual colleagues, aside from not being sneaky and clever like the Hidden or having half the honors or titles that Ikora’s top-tier Warlocks have. Put a sword in her hands and Miyu can cut down almost anyone or anything. But have her infiltrate a group and act a certain way, play a role of some sort? She’ll fail right away.

She is not an actress. She’s a Guardian. And to her knowledge, the definition of a Guardian is someone who protects. There has to be some merit in that, she’s told Ghost, and he - her best friend and most honest critic - agrees.

Ikora - Miyu thinks - must not think much of her. Still, the Void user pulls her back from her thoughts with praise. “Grey,” She says, “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You need to push yourself harder. Do not give up. I know you are better than this.”

It’s times like this that she wonders. Does Ikora know what her name is, really? Does Ikora even care? Miyu is beginning to think she’s just a faceless person, a puzzle that is challenging and therefore worth the more esteemed woman’s time. Ikora gave her hardly any face-time before the war, before she had these issues.

Regardless, the younger Warlock attempts to retain her composure. “Thank you. However, I would like to pursue my research on a more defensive Solar ability,” Miyu says, barely a whisper of defiance. “I believe it is possible.”

Ikora shakes her head. “Leave shielding for the Titans. A Warlock’s rift is not meant to protect. It is meant to heal or empower, and only briefly. Attempting to augment it is a waste of Light better spent on dispatching our enemies.”

Miyu sighs, but nods. “What would you have me do, then?”

The Warlock Vanguard crosses her arms, turns her back to Miyu and looks out at the City. “Take the most difficult Strikes and Patrols I can give you. Challenge yourself and you will find yourself calling upon your abilities more. If that does not help you to realign yourself with your Light,” She trails off, eyes narrowing on a fixed point beyond the horizon, “I will explore other paths. Your research is unnecessary at this time. If you require a project, I will send you to collect information from the Reef.”

The younger Warlock bows. “I understand,” Miyu says, schooling her features into something blank, and trying to sound collected and grateful, not detached and indifferent. “Thank you.” This won’t help. She’s already tried this, Miyu thinks, but tries not to let it bleed into her demeanor.

“You’re welcome, Grey. You may go.”

Miyu turns her back to Ikora Rey, but waits until she is nearly to Banshee’s stall in the main portion of the Tower to let the frustration show on her face, a very quiet growl escaping her. Ghost appears at her side immediately. “I can’t believe she wouldn’t listen to you,” He says, sounding even more irritated than Miyu is. “I’m sorry,” He apologizes to her. “But I think you should keep working on it.”

“So do I.”

Ghost bobs, spinning around her in a wide circle of disbelief. “You do?”

“Yes.” Silver eyes cant over toward her Ghost’s single teal one. “I’ll do what she asks, and continue my research on my own. What else can I do?”

He sighs. “I know. I just wish it had gone differently.” He taps her cheek. “If you could have convinced her to watch you summon your-”

“We asked that the last two times and she refused. It’s okay, Ghost. I’m used to it being just you and me.” She reaches up to cup his small being with her hands, and holds him close. “Sometimes, I think it’s better that way.”

Ghost nuzzles against her abdomen in a return of their improvised hug, and wonders not for the first time if she considers leaving. He knows she doesn’t feel like she belongs here, that she’s trying so hard to fit into the roles dictated by social norms. Most of her fellow Guardians hurt her with their lack of understanding, their taunts. Most of them do not know how it feels to have their Light feel foreign to them. Still, she remains as gentle as she can, does her best to be kind to everyone she meets. It’s no wonder they don’t live within the confines of the Tower. The City folk are far kinder to his wayward Guardian than her own brothers and sisters. It’s a shame.

Three days later, news hits the Tower. Cayde-6's killer has been eliminated. Almost everyone is celebrating. Miyu uses the general population's distraction to her advantage, slipping out to the training grounds recently restored near the base of the wall. There should be free space for her to experiment unseen, a rarity in the middle of the day.

She discards her gauntlets and lets the heavy, flame-retardant sleeves of her robes hang down over her palms. Pulls her sword from its sheath at her side. Ghost flutters around her, cones spinning silently in anticipation a safe distance away. She drops to her starting position, kicks off.

What she does not have in stealth or strength, she makes up with in skill. Some of it, Ghost believes, may have been written upon her from her first life, muscle memory and reflexes allowing her to pick up swordplay far more easily than ever anticipated. But not all of it. She worked hard to hone her skills, consulted archives and videos, took every ounce of criticism to heart.

He enjoys watching her dance throughout the training arena with her blade slashing out, parrying imaginary blows, each move fluid yet moving with unbelievable discipline and precision. However, he knows it will come soon. Can feel the tingle of Light, the increasing heat. She’s going to try without the rift. She always does, first. When her mind is clear, when she’s reached that place of blank-white concentration.

The Warlock sheaths her physical blade in a motion like lightning, before reaching out for the heat in the air, calling upon the Light in her soul to manifest the sword that answers the call of her heart. It always looks so effortless from afar.

It isn’t, though. He watches her throw the first one, scorching the dirt. Watches her call upon the second. Watches the flames spiral up her arm, paying no heed to her robes. Watches her grit her teeth and give form to the energy in her hand. This one doesn’t go as far, doesn’t track like the first.

The third fizzles into ash, blackens her fingertips. She screams, drops to her knees, slams her fists into the dirt. He doesn’t approach. He knows she wants to feel this, to commit it to memory - as if she hasn’t already, he thinks, but allows it to continue - and use it to fuel her. It’s how Ikora believes she will improve. Miyu doesn’t believe in it, but she tries anyway. He knows she’d try anything, to feel like herself again.

This is torture, but it’s therapeutic. She needs to let it out, to blaze, like the fiery powers locked inside her, refusing to come out the way they’re supposed to. The way they always had, before the Cabal had ripped them away by force.

Any changes in her personality, since the war, have been subtle. He notices the way her swordhand twitches after she lets the blades burn through her nerves. Can tell that where she might say ten words once, she now says six or five. Notices that where she’d try to be social once in a while, it takes a great deal of encouragement to convince her to approach a friendly face.

Ghost’s cones push out and then back in, spiraling around him in surprise as someone appears on his radar. Someone approaching, quickly. At a run. Miyu is pushing herself up, the rush of a healing rift spiraling out from beneath her. She doesn’t notice.

Another attempt is made to call upon the sword. She growls and braces her sword hand - gripping her left wrist with her right hand. Flames spit and spiral up both arms this time, fighting for purchase against the healing properties of the rift.

“Mi- Miyu?”

The small AI turns at the sound of the familiar voice. Oh, no.

#commander zavala #oc: miyu #zavala x female guardian #ikora rey #destiny #destiny fanfiction #destiny stories #destiny fan fiction #slowburn #angst #character development #destiny community #post-forsaken #collection: phoenix protocol #zavala x oc

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scarletrebel · 6 years

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Alright, so, Avia is going back to the home turf, getting all tangled up in Reef politics. How do ypu figure her general attitude is going to belike during Forsaken? Toward Uldren, Petra, the Fallen enemies/allies? Possibly Mara if she decides to join this shitshow of emotions?

‘if she decides to join this shitshow of emotions’ layla honest to god you have SUCH a way with words ahahaha

okay fantastic question SO

avia hates any sort of politics. ironic i know cause she’s pledged to new monarchy, however thats mostly due to how passionate she is about having a home and making sure the people of the city have what took her so long to find. the other edge to that sword however is how vehemently unwilling to get involved/do any research she is. i like to think shes getting better at checking herself, but as for how she was at the reef before she became a guardian?

she literally did anything the queen told her to do, and thought herself involved in the politics of the reef because of that loyalty. it took the death of petras sister for her to realise that actually she had no say, and everything she did for the queen never changed that.

from my perceptions of forsaken at the moment, the tangled shore doesnt really have any politics, so if anything avia is kind of in her element. theres a fic idea im going over in my head, some kind of flashback of her having to assassinate someone or take them to the tangled shore in order to kill them quietly. the queen told her to do it there specifically because of how lawless the tangled shore is.

so i imagine she prefers being on the tangled shore as a guardian way more than being at the reef as a guardian, ya know? plus if uldren has pushed out the fallen and she can run around fucking up his day no matter what she does? solid fucking bonus.

as for prince edgelord, she fucking hates him.

with every ounce of her being she hates that man. he was always leering at her, backhanded compliments, and she kind of wanted to impress him to make the queen happy but also just wanted him to leave her alone. he kept offering training, subvert missions, fighting her corner when it suited him. it took her a long time to wise up to it, and he was the one who accused her of treason when she started to question everything the reef was doing.

(hence why she’s reluctant to question anything now, unless it’s blatantly wrong/puts someone she cares about in danger)

think…. think grier and tolands relationship, but without any hero worship. they’re kind of bound together as mentor-trainee but avia didnt want any part of it and if you insinuated that uldren taught her anything, she’d throw you into a taken portal herself.

(she’s purposefully un-learnt a lot of what he taught her anyway, thanks to her clan, so it doesnt apply)

the only reason she doesnt want to be the one to put a bullet in between his eyes is because she wants rook to do it. for his mentor, for cayde.

her relationship with petra is still…… tense, before forsaken. they’ve patched things up, they know that they were both being used (that might change once we hear petras dialogue in forsaken though, depends) so they just kind of get on with it without acting like friends. i imagine that’ll stay the same in forsaken, things might get tense again if petra suggests anything other than killing uldren. i think maybe petra might try to reach out to avia, i know what hes like, i know what he put you through and avia will have none of it at first. who knows, a bridge could be rebuilt. (that’d be some sweet fucking development for my girl actually!!)

as for the skorn, thats totally gonna depend on what they’re like in the game, potentially just nothing more than steps in between her and uldren. the fallen, however, especially this new captain?

i cant wait to see what hes like in game.

i think avia could get along with him, in a tense ‘youre a crazy territorial bastard and im hellbent on revenge so we’ve got to get along’ kind of way. they probably just amuse each other, tbh, both hating uldren, both going about it in different ways.

and, mara. well.

thats going to be really, really fucking complicated for avia. theres still a part of her, a pull, something inside of her that feels that loyalty. it was practically ingrained in her from birth. she’s being running away and denying it ever since her ghost revived her. nevertheless, she’s a guardian. this is her life now. she has a family, a home, a worthy cause to fight for. everything she didnt even realise she wanted when she was part of the royal guard. she was chosen by mara, yes, but now shes chosen by something else. something that believed there was a second chance worthy of taking. mara, uldren, the awoken, they never even gave her that second chance.

so, avia owes mara nothing. not even her bitterness.

oops i made myself sad

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kazdumps · 3 years

Text

Sonia Nevermind, peered over the latest issue of "Serial Killer's weekly", beyond distracted. So odd, as usually the stories, or interviews, of the weekly completely engrossed her until she had flipped through all Twenty-Five pages (Or Thirty pages, when something extraordinary happened and caused an extra article to be realeased). However, now, her gaze had not left the teen boy who's name she didn't even know.

She bit her lip, the inner workings of her mind scolding her for engaging in such a frivolous activity. After all, she knew what it was liked to be stared at; even when people were looking wistfully, or without malice, it still left her uneasy. So how, in good conscious, she watch a fellow student?

She had seen him before, he was in a differnt class then her but she believed he was no older [An underclassman, if not of her same grade]. They'd never spoken, but she rembers at one point he gave a polite nod in the hallway. She waved back at him, her smile bright as ever. Back then though, she didnt think twice of him.

Only a fellow student, one she saw a handful of times.

But here, almost alone in the library, she gazed as if she'd been infatuated with him since the beginning. It was the way he moved, carefully as if everything around him was something important that he was weary of breaking. Yet, he had not an ounce of worry in his eyes.

His eyes, they were a pure golden colour. It reminded her of Egyptian Gods in the book of tales she read (before she dived into the world of serial killers, the Greeks, Egyotion, Roman, and Norse God's kept her mind company) and his prominent lashes didn't dissuade her initial thinking. He wore a uniform, though not one made by Hope's Peak. She'd never seen anything like it, like it was made from scratch. She really could only distinguish the small nubs on his shoulders as well as his arm band, that proved he was part of a club.

Usually she'd remind herself that she was a foreigner and that is why it was unfamiliar. However she'd done all the research about Japanese Culture she could before coming here and didnt rember a single uniform looking exactly like his.

The most astounding feature of his was the black mask that covered the bottom of his face and neck and was zippered shut. Hope's Peak didn't have a strict dress code, some people's talents would be hindered in a simple school uniform, yet still it intrested her. It was not too bewildering, she'd meant many people with many different styles, but a mask was still rather uncommon. She knew of fellow princesses who'd cover thier face for religious purposes, and even Gundham had his scarf so at times (mostly when she complimented the Devas) he could hide his pink tinted face.

A mask though? A nice sleek mask, one that paired with his long hair, and well fitting clothes, made him appear quite feminine. Not that anything was wrong with femininity; Sonia found it 'hella Boss!'.

Sonia gently set her magazine down, hadnt even gotten through the first paragraph, already deciding what she'd do. Being a Princess had slight perks, like being a natural socialite. She would strike up a conversation with this young man, then her curiosity would be satisfied.

Before she had even arrived to his chair, he chose one next to the sealed off fire place that remained lit during the colder season, he'd set his book down on the coffee table and turned to her. His brows crept up, and while she could not see half of his expression he showed intrigue.

"Good Evening! I thought since we we're both here, I might as well become acquainted with you," She gave a small bow, his golden eyes remained steady watching her movements " I am Sonia Nevermind, Class 77 B, the Ultimate Princess." She remined standing, a few feet away from where he comfortably sat. She knew many a student who would rather exchange a few pleasant words but who in the end thought it best to part ways as quickly as possible. She did not want to frighten him, nor feel overbearing.

"An Ultimate Princess? I must inquire where you're future reign will take place?"

She dared not show any confusion; it was not an unusual question, but people tended to introduce themselves first before questioning. On the same note, they also did not ask in that manner either. The words, all correct, all felt more complicated then was necessary.

Then again, people told her she was too formal. It'd be hypocritical to critique his formalities.

" The kingdom which I love in is Noveselic! It is a small country in Europe. Despite our almost unknown pressence and our small size, we are powerful," She replied, offering the still unknown student a smile.

"Noveselic? I have heard of your kingdom, though I personally have never been nor have I met anyone from. Your customs are quite unknown to the rest of the world, though that will make our conversation all the more interesting," She could feel her own eyes widen in surprise, many people had not even heard of Noveselic much less been outright intrested in the customs. "Forgive my delayed introduction. I am Korekiyo Shinguchi, though commonly I am called Kiyo. Perhaps some people find my full name a mouth full. However, I do not have a presence so call me whichever is desirable to you."

An anthropologist? No wonder he took intrest in her customs.

#uncompleted

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