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#idk what i would do otherwise and where my life would take me
jaennie · 1 year
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devilsskettle · 1 month
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i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/
#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take#i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday#each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy#selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need#standing all day long just fucking bored#hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in#ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day#when nothing new ever happens#and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either#i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling#and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me#i walk there i stand all day and i walk home#that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in#if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy#but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot#idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do#there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits#and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future#so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol#all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that
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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year
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#yeah! ill do thing#haha. i cant do anything today muchless feed myself#i cant fuction#personal#diary#i want to make a late or an espresso and theres nothing cleared off like my mom said it would so now idk what to do#i went from good morning to near meltdown in .5 seconds huh?#this is why i dont like it when someone says then tries to shut me up and doesnt do thing#like??? i didnt care id u cleared off infront of my espresso tbing that takes 5 seconds. but a peice of countertop???#yeah idk where i could even put anything#so yeah now i dont know what to do and am in pure stuck mode. bc i dont have space to make food either.#honestly i just hate everything so much. i hate life so much. im so tired i dont like this.#*david Attenborough voice* now look at this creature. utterly incapable of functioning without coffee. how useless.#ugh. seriously though. if i can just get through a morning and make coffee i can generally be more okay than i would otherwise#do you know how much it fucking sucks just waking up and being like#ugh. like i know this is probably in part bc i should be getting my period soon. but. its days like today i sorta wish i was dead#suicidal ideation#like. what am i supposed to do when it feels like the whole world is hostile. like. just one deviation from my plan and i cant handle ti#idk. it sucks really. im honestly not even asking for much anymore. i just wish i could at least play video games really.#if i could at least do that it wouldnt feel like such torture just existing. idk. i just want one thing.#idk. i know a lot of this is hormonal but even that sucks! why the fuck do i have to live like this.#idk. im really tired. really really tired. i still have to do work too this week. and honestly im so tired.#while i really do enjoy doing things n life n shit. i hate that like 90% of my life is just suffering. just pure suffering#...and yes i am wishing i am dead or something simply bc i couldnt make a latte like i planned#and no i will not be able to make myself breakfast now either. my morning is ruined now. so im unable to function#ugh. i just wanted to have a nice coffee and play splatoon today. but instead i got a nice case of yet again#idk. id be okay if there was just. nothing expected of me. if i didnt have to feed myself or work or shit.#like. me not wanting to exist is mostly just bc of the inconvenience i cause everyone around me#i have to be careful of what i say careful of what i do make sure i never bother anyone.#and so i just quietly cant functiom over here in a corner. just ugh. usually i can tidy shit up myself
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eunoiaastralwings · 3 months
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Blue
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featuring Winter Soldier!Bucky x reader
fandom mcu- pre catws
a/n based on my idea here - here the beginning to set the idea.
warnings attempted physical assault (not from bucky), brooding winter soldier xD - idk if there was anything else tell me otherwise
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When you entered your apartment - you could already sense an uneasy presence within the atmosphere.
He had found you again. . .
The tension felt high and the air seemed thicker than usual. Of course, the shadow of the man in your kitchen could not go unnoticed. You felt yourself gulp as you walked into the kitchen quietly - the Winter Soldier was seated. He was as still as a statue. “Sit.”
He said - motioning towards the chair opposite him.
You were - Y/N Pierce, Alexander Pierce’s daughter - but unlike your father you didn't want to be part of Hydra - but you were forced to know Hydra. As the Winter Soldier - he was always told to watch over you and made sure you didn't escape like you tried countless times already.
Now once again, the Winter Soldier found her. . . he always found her. . .
“So, what now? You gonna drag me back kicking and screaming again?” You asked - a little irritation in your voice. The Winter Soldier remained silent - studying her from a distance. His expression was neutral - but his gaze was fierce and intense.
He looked her over once again - his eyes scouring over your appearance. He was seemingly looking for something - but it was hard to tell what.
He took a step forward - his stride confident and measured.
"Sit."
He only repeated.
“What are you going to do, Blue?”
You ask him with a sigh. You had hated always calling him Soldat or the Winter Soldier, like your father and Hydra did - so you always stuck with calling him Blue, because of his blue eyes. He didn’t remember his own name - and no one would tell him or you either. . .and you wanted to make him feel just a little human. . .
He cocked his head slightly at the nickname - considering it for a few moments before deciding to allow it. You sighed realizing they had wiped his mind clean yet again - as he had seemingly forgotten the name.
“I intend to take you back to base” He said calmly - “Do cooperate..”
“. . .So what actually happens if I don’t cooperate?” You asked.
“I will be forced to use physical force to restrain you and transport you to our base” He answered.
The Winter Soldier’s voice was cool and detached - but he was still assessing you, as if weighing his options.
“What if I don’t want to return?!”
You crossed your arms.
He glanced at you sharply - eyes narrowing.
“You will  obey your father.”
He said forcefully.
“I can have a life here, Blue. I don’t want to go back to my father!" 
You glared.
“He is still your father, Y/N!” He said coldly - and you realize this is probably the most he has ever spoken to you. “And it is your duty to do as he says. You may think you have a life here, but that life is not yours. You belong to your father. You belong to HYDRA.” He continued.
“I don’t belong to anyone! I want nothing to do with my father, or Hydra!" 
You snap - holding your ground, knowing he wouldn’t hurt you unless deemed necessary.
His face was stony and his expression still, but you could hear the ice and frost beneath his words. 
“I am afraid, Y/N - your opinion does not matter. Your father is a high-ranking HYDRA official and he expects you back at his side. Your life belongs to HYDRA, whether you like it or not.” “I’m not coming!”
You said - glaring and balling your hands into fists. “Then I will bring you back by force!” 
He said, standing up from his seat.
He looked straight at you, eyes like ice -  “And I suggest you do not try to resist me, you have no chance of winning.” You glare before turning back and running. The Winter Soldier's eyes narrowed as he watched you run away. He stood up straight and ran after her - gaining ground quickly.
He wasn’t going to let her escape - you belonged to HYDRA and he was going to make sure you got back to where you belonged. You ran down the stairs of the apartment building trying to get away from him.
He continued chasing her, his steps getting closer and closer. He was gaining ground quickly, his speed was unparalleled.
He didn't know how much longer till he caught you - but he wasn't going to let up. You quickly run out the emergency exit and shut the door on him - locking it back in - momentarily forgetting he was a super soldier with a metal arm. The door was shut to his face - leaving him standing on the other side. He let out a low growl - angry at her.
Swiftly using the metal arm he began pounding on the door. His metal fist was louder than any knock you had ever heard, echoing through the building. The door couldn't hold out for long.
You kept running down the back alleyways.
The Winter Soldier continued pounding on the door - his knuckles leaving small dents in the metal hinges. He let out a low growl in his throat - annoyed that he was having to chase after you.
Once the door finally gave way - he stepped through the doorway and looked around, scanning the alleyways for you. You curse at your damn luck as you managed to run right into drunkards and shady men high on drugs.
The Winter Soldier’s eyes narrowed and he took notice of his surroundings.
There was a group of drunk men sitting around in the alleyway - obviously waiting to ambush someone.
He paused - deciding whether or not to attack the men to get you out of the alleyway, or letting you deal with the situation yourself.
“Why, hello there, gorgeous. . .”
One of them slurs - stepping towards you and you immediately stepped back.
The Winter Soldier saw one of the men approach you - and it didn't take much to figure out what his intentions were.
The man was eyeing her up like a wolf eyes its prey - his eyes roaming all over your body.
The Winter Soldier had half a mind to kill him on the spot - but he held back, for now.
“Awe, it’s ok - you look like you could use a little fun!”
He laughs -  the other men laughing too as he steps closer and closer to you.
You grit your teeth balling your fists.
The Winter Soldier felt his blood boil inside of him as the men surrounded you.
All laughing and joking - their comments getting more depraved and vile with every passing moment.
He took a deep breath -  trying to stay calm and level headed. But he was getting closer and closer to losing his temper.
The moment the drunkard tried to grab you - you immediately reacted and knocked him off balance, using the skills you were taught and trained with.
The drunken man stumbled back - dropping a glass bottle that shattered on the ground.
The other men laughed at their friend’s expense - but he quickly got back to his feet and they began to surround you again.
You glare as they surround you. You were no super soldier, you couldn’t take them all at once - but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to try. The men surrounded her, their laughs turning cruel and menacing. 
They began to circle around you - their eyes leering at you.
They didn’t care if you were  innocent or not - all they wanted was to have their way.
Their eyes were cold and hungry - like wolves salivating over their prey. Instantly you tried to fight them off trying to watch your sides with every kick and punch.
But what you hadn’t excepted - was for one of them to grab your hair from behind and try to knock a punch to your face.
The moment they tried take her at once - and the man raised his first for a punch, you scream for the Winter Soldier
“BLUE!”
The Winter Soldier’s face immediately changed when you cried out the nickname. 
He instantly appeared by your side - punching one man in the face and knocking him to the ground.
The other men backed off - shocked after the sudden appearance of the man out of nowhere.
He stood before you now - his back toward you - shielding you from the drunkards who had been attempting to grab you. The men were now wary of him - seeing the extent of his strength and skills - the metal arm included.
You gulped watching the Winter Soldier protect you and just hid behind him - tired and out of breath from your own fight.
The Winter Soldier stood still - his face stoic and emotionless as he stared down the drunkards.
His intimidating presence was enough to have run out the alleyway. With a final glare at you - the men backed away and ran.
You watched as they immediately scrambled away.
The last drunken man disappeared down the alleyway, leaving only the two of them there.
The Winter Soldier waited for a moment - his eyes scanning the alleyway, watching for any sudden movement. After a while - he turned towards you and looked down at you with his expression unchanged.
“Are you hurt?” 
He asked - his voice still cold and detached.
You blinked - that was the first time he asked you that and you shake you head - slightly surprised.
“Thanks . . .”
You said.
“. . .but you’re still gonna take me back to my father aren’t you?”
You then asked - after a moment passed of them just staring at you.
He remained silent for a moment - as if contemplating your question.
“Yes”
He said finally, his voice still cold and detached.
His eyes were still set upon you -  but his voice had changed. You could almost felt like you could see his inner conflict.
“I don’t wanna go back, Blue!”
You said - almost begging.
“Your choices are either to come with me voluntarily. . .or you risk being dragged back by force.*”
His voice - becoming cold and emotionless again 
“I don't wish to harm you but if you continue with your insubordination -  I’ll be forced to use force to get you to comply. Это понятно?”
He asks - if you understood in Russian.
“No!” You glared.
The Winter Soldier only remained still and stared straight at her with that cold gaze. His tone was still emotionless. 
“You’re still refusing orders I see. Now - you leave me no choice.”
The Winter Soldier leaned forward - and his voice dropped a small level below the monotone and emotionlessness it had before.
“Do you need to be dragged back by force? Is this the route you are choosing?”
He asks - low and dangerous.
You tried to run again - but your attempt to get away was stopped this time when he grabbed your wrist in a tight grip. His grip was incredibly powerful from the super strength he was granted from the serum that was injected into him.
He looked her in the eye and said nothing - instead, letting his icy blue eyes do the talking for him.
“You won't wanna do this!”
You said - struggling against his grip.
“You’re being rather stubborn - you’re my mission and I must return you!”
His grip tightened around your wrist - he was now gripping harder, showing you his power.
“So I will ask yet again. Are you going with me voluntarily?”
He narrowed his eyes.
“Blue, please. . .look they are only gonna wipe your mind again!”
You said - trying to see if there was any hope to connect with the man underneath the brainwashing and mind control.
He stayed still and silent as you tried to talk to him. 
His grip on you held tight - he didn’t  even blink once as he listened to you.
But still - his blue eyes remained cold, devoid of any emotion - and his voice remained as emotionless and monotone as it could ever get. 
“Your attempts at swaying me will fail.” 
He said bluntly.
You sigh - eventually accepting your fate and stopping fighting him.
”I’m glad you’ve realized that I’m not one to be swayed by your words. Now - you’re going to come with me -and I will finish my mission.” 
The Winter Soldier slowly turns slowly - his grip on your wrist; keeping hold of you.
He began to drag you back.
“I really don’t like you right now, Blue. . .”
You grumble as you were forced to follow him.
“Your opinions of me are of no concern to me. My sole purpose and mission is to retrieve you and bring you back.”
His grip around your wrist didn’t tighten as he dragged you towards the transport vehicles where Hydra personnel were waiting. 
This wasn't the first time he had returned her back to Hydra. And - it probably wasn't the last time either.
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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 3 months
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hii, idk if this is too complex but could you maybe do ethan landry x fem reader smut where he died (we all know the plot in scream 6) but like here he was just supposedly dead and actually alive but spent a few months in a psych ward and during this the reader is his ex girlfriend as they broke up one year before the events from 2023 since she didn’t want to accept him killing people for revenge but as months passed, she found out that he “died” so she took care of everything in his place, killing the core four and all and at that point she became very depressed as she still couldn’t get over him but then he suddenly appears in her life again (idk how tho, this can take place in the forest or at her house or idk) it can start a bit angst and then leading to smut with them being a bit eager as they haven’t done it in a long time. you can mention ethan having some scars somewhere on his face btw! (srry again if this is too complex 😭)
My sweet, SWEET anon. I finally have this done, thank you for being so patient with me💕 I appreciate you messaging me so I could run some ideas I had by you lol
Meet Me at Our Spot - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader
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This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Summary: You think Ethan died at the theater, so you got revenge. He isn't dead though, and you run into him at your spot.
A/N: Hi! The anon that requested this messaged me earlier to help me with some plot ideas I had, cause you know I'm a bitch that LOVES a plot. If you guys have requested something and I haven't written it yet, it could be that I'm stumped and trying to figure it out. Just message me if you're like...damn why's she taking so long lol.
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“Get the fuck out!” You screamed at Ethan, as tears streamed down both of your faces.
“Why are you doing this?” he cried, his eyes pleading with yours.
“I can’t be with someone as cold-hearted as you,” you snapped, nudging him out the front door and slamming it in his face.
That was the last time you saw Ethan. After you accidentally overheard the plan his family concocted to get revenge for Richie’s death, you called him out on it. He argued that it’s what he needed to do, and that you should love him regardless. You couldn’t, not if he was going to spend the rest of his life in prison, or worse, end up dead. You were hoping the break-up would make him realize that he shouldn’t do it, and just stay with you. He didn’t though, starting college not even a month later. You stayed home, opting for online courses like you both originally planned on doing.
When you saw the news that people had died in the same area of his university, you knew he had something to do with it. You couldn’t reach out to the cops, because his dad was a well-respected detective. No one would believe you. Plus, your own safety would be at risk. Ethan made that perfectly clear during your heated argument.
Your heart sank when you heard about what happened at the abandoned theater. When you saw that Ethan was one of the suspects, and that he was found deceased, you couldn’t control your emotions as you wailed in the otherwise silent house. After you read about what happened to him, you started to understand why he felt like he needed to avenge Richie’s death, because that’s exactly how you were feeling. You wanted to get back at the people who took him from you.
You started with Kirby. She was the one that ultimately took him from you. You started to feel satisfied, but you knew you couldn’t stop until they all died. You went to Chad and Mindy, then Tara and Sam. Even with you finishing what Ethan and his family started, you still felt so empty without him.
You never read anything else about Ethan after you did what you needed to do, the thought of him being gone made you too sad to even think about it. You did keep tabs on what was happening in the investigations into your crimes, but they never had any leads. If you had kept up with the news on Ethan, you would’ve seen that the first news reports were wrong, and that he did survive.
The attempts to keep your day-to-day life normal became impossible. Your parents were always traveling, so you mostly had the place to yourself. All you wanted to do was lay in bed and cry, your living space reflecting that. You finally decided to get up and clean, coming across so many little gifts and things Ethan had gotten you over the two years you were together. When you came across the first note he wrote to you when you were juniors in high school, you started to sob. His handwriting on the page in front of you made you feel like you had a piece of him. Then, you saw the ‘Meet me at our spot’ at the bottom of the page. The spot he first told you he loved you.
He was so nervous that day, his cheeks pink as he finally got those three words out, terrified that you wouldn’t say it back. You did, though. You knew with everything in you that you were meant to be with him. You thought back to the times that you’d pass him in the hallway on your way to class, the two of you not having much time to talk. He’d say “forever” as his eyes connected with yours, and you’d always say it back. It was so simple, but he wanted you to know how much he loved you, and that you’d always have his heart.
You slipped your shoes on before heading out the door. You knew you needed to go to the spot in the woods that the two of you would always go whenever you needed to get away from life. You sat on the log you’d always sit on, crying as you touched the empty space beside you.
“I miss you so fucking much,” you sobbed, letting out so many emotions. The anger, the sadness, and the heartache overwhelming you.
“I never thought I’d see you here,” you heard, as the leaves crunched behind you.
Your head snapped in the direction of the voice, your chest getting tight as you saw Ethan standing there.
“Fuck, I really am going crazy,” you cried, taking a deep breath.
You didn’t want to look away. Even if this was a figment of your imagination, seeing him was something you so badly needed.
“You aren’t crazy,” he said, stepping closer to you.
You noticed some scars on his face, but he was still beautiful. Your heart swelled as you shut your eyes tight and reopened them, to see him still standing there.
“I’m real. I told you; you aren’t going crazy.”
You stood up and started to walk a little closer to him. His brown eyes met yours before looking at the ground, his facial expression unreadable.
“Ethan…How?” was all you got out, your brain not fully processing what was happening.
“It doesn’t surprise me that you didn’t keep track of what happened to me,” he said, turning around to walk in the opposite direction of you.
“What the fuck do you mean? You died! It was all over the news!” you yelled, as he kept walking. “Ethan, please stop.”
He stopped, his back still turned to you.
“How could you just break up with me like that? How could you just throw me away?” he said, finally turning to look at you. Tears stained his cheeks as he waited for you to respond. He’s waited over a year for an answer. “Forever must not mean much to you.”
“It doesn’t?! Then why did I finish what you started? Why did I kill for you?” you snapped, as his eyes grew wide.
“That was you?” he asked, “You’re so stupid!”
He quickly walked back towards you but kept a few feet of space in between. It was like he was too scared to get close.
“I understand why you wanted to do what you did for Richie. I couldn’t stop thinking about the people that hurt you being out there, living their lives when yours was over,” you sobbed, as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I said forever, and I meant it.”
He closed the space between the two of you, his lips connecting with yours. The kiss was aggressive, like you both needed it so badly for so long that you never wanted your mouths to stop moving. His hands were roaming everywhere he could reach. Your hips, your ass, your breasts. Every new area he touched had you whimpering into the kiss.
He pulled away, looking into your eyes. “I need you, baby.”
You knew what he meant; his tone full of lust. You looked around at the dead leaves and twigs on the ground, realizing that it wasn’t the most comfortable place for you to go at it for a long time, which is what you fully intended on doing.
“My parents are out of town. Let’s go,” you said, grabbing his hand as you ran with him through the woods back to your place.
Once you made it inside the front door and closed it, he shoved you up against it. You were both breathing heavy from the running, and from the anticipation.
“Have you fucked anyone since me?” he asked, his eyes dark as they looked into yours.
“No, I’ve only wanted you,” you said, as he started to smirk.
“Good, because that pussy belongs to me,” he growled, before roughly kissing you. Your arms went around his neck as his hands went to your waist, lifting you off the ground. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his hips. You could feel his cock though his jeans as it pressed against your ass, the feeling making you moan against his lips.
He carried you over to the couch, not wanting to waste a single second of time. You only pulled apart from the kiss when you both took your shirts off. You noticed the scars on his shoulder and chest, gently running your fingers over them as he started to unbutton your jeans.
You couldn’t help but wonder what the full story was. What happened after you thought he was dead?   Those thoughts were quickly pushed to the side as he slid your jeans and panties down in the same motion.
“You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to taste you again,” he said, leaning in and licking your clit.
“Oh shit,” you whined, your fingers going to his hair as his mouth moved faster against you. “Fuck I missed you eating me out.”
He moved his mouth lower, his tongue dipping inside your dripping core. He kept moving his tongue, the sounds flooding out of your mouth going straight to his throbbing cock.
He moved back up to focus on your clit as he slid a finger in you, before adding another. Your pussy was sucking his fingers in as the wet sounds filled the room.
“Oh fuck, right there!” you cried out as the pads of his fingers moved against that special spot inside of you. “Fuck, just like that. Yesss.”
You started to move your hips against his fingers and mouth as his free hand had a strong grip on your thigh. It didn’t take long for his fingers to move faster, and that feeling you hadn’t felt in so long started to creep up. Yeah, you’d been able to get off a couple times by yourself, but nothing ever compared to how Ethan does it.
“You’re going to make me cum,” you whimpered, the intensity of the feeling getting stronger and stronger as your hips started to jerk. Ethan just kept going, his fingers and mouth not slowing as tears started to slip down your face. The orgasm was so strong as you babbled out, the things you were saying not making any sense.
When you started to relax onto the couch and your hips stilled, he slid out his fingers. You whined at the emptiness, as he started to laugh. “God, baby, you’re so needy.”  He quickly got out of his jeans and slid his boxers down, not wanting another second of time to pass without him being inside of you.
He crawled on top of you and lined up at your entrance. You squealed as he slid inside of you, the fullness making your breath hitch in your throat.
“Fuck, so tight,” he groaned, “I missed this so fucking much.”
“I missed it too,” you moaned, as he started to thrust harder. “Oh fuck!”
You were whining as his hips pounded into you, the relentless pace turning your brain to mush. He started to slow down a little, not wanting to cum too quickly.
“Let me ride you, baby,” you whimpered, “Please, I need it.”
He groaned at your words, sliding out long enough to sit on the couch. You straddled him as he gripped the base of his erection for you to sink down onto him.
“Oh my god,” you whined out, as your hands held onto the back of the couch and his hands went to your breasts.
He massaged them before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, moaning around it as your hips started to move quicker. He noticed you weren’t going all the way down, his size a little too much for you to handle.
“Aww, baby. Is it too much for you?” he asked sweetly, before grabbing your hips and fucking the rest of his cock up in you.
“Fuck fuckfuck,” you cried out, feeling the tears well up again from the pleasure. “I can’t take it.”
“Yeah you can baby, just relax. You’re doing so good for me,” he cooed, as you started to meet his thrusts with your hips. The sound of your ass slapping against his thighs echoing off the walls. “So fucking good.”
One of his hands left your hip and started to rub quick circles on your swollen clit, your walls starting to flutter the second he did it.
“You getting close, baby?” he asked, his lustful eyes looking into the ones that you were struggling to keep open.
“Mhm,” you whimpered, your eyes screwing shut as you moved as fast as you could, chasing your orgasm. “Gonna-fuck..cum,” you got out, as he added a little more pressure to your clit. “Holy fuck!”
His hands went back to your hips as you started to go limp in his arms, too fucked out to move. He bounced you on him, chasing his own orgasm. All you could do was whimper, the tears trickling out of your eyes at the feeling. He pulled out of you, his cum shooting all over your tummy and his.
“Hey, hey baby,” he said softly, “Are you okay?”
He wiped the tears from your cheeks as before you relaxed onto him.
“That felt so good,” you said, your head resting against his chest.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No baby, it was perfect.”
You stayed there pressed against him as his fingers ran up and down your bare back. It felt so nice to have him back, and you never wanted to let him go again.
“What happened? Like after you were found?” you asked, your fingers running over the scars again.
He sighed, nervous to tell you all the gory details. “I had a faint pulse when they found me. They didn’t expect me to make it. I lost a lot of blood, and had some head trauma,” he said, as you sat up a little to look at him. “Then after I started to get better, they started talking about court and I got interrogated. But someone started their own little killing spree. I started to lie, saying that the real killer that was helping dad and Quinn must still be out there if people were still dying and I was sitting in the hospital.”
“And they believed you?” you asked, waiting for him to continue.
“Yeah, not at first, but the evidence didn’t add up to me aside from the robe I was wearing. I told them that dad roped me into it…and that he threated to kill me if I didn’t participate.”
“I still can’t believe they let you out,” you said, still amazed that he was right in front of you.
“I was in there for a while, and I’ve been on so many different medications to deal with the health issues I have now…I’ll tell you about those later. But if it wasn’t for you doing what you did, I would still be in there,” he said, his hands rubbing along your sides. “When I came back, I started staying with my aunt who thinks I was this manipulated, innocent person. She takes me to all my appointments to make sure I don’t have to go back to the psych ward.”
“Why didn’t you come see me?” you asked, feeling a little hurt that he’d been home for a while and didn’t bother to try to see you.
“I thought you didn’t want to see me, so I’ve been going to our spot every single day, just to think. I’d always hoped I’d run into you there,” he said, his voice cracking as he started to tear up. “I just love you so much.”
“I love you too, baby. Forever.” You smiled, “Today was the first time I’ve been there since you left. I found a note from you earlier and I just had to go there,” you said, wiping the tears off his cheeks.
“I’m so happy you did.”
He held you there for a while, loving the way your body felt against him.
“Babe, you wanna go shower? Your cum is still all over us,” you giggled, as his hands gripped your hips.
“Who said I was done with you yet?”
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1: Magic is a Metaphor < 2: Morgana is a Lesbian < 3: Merlin is Gay < 4: Arthur is Bi
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Do you remember when you were bullied in middle school? Because if you're reading this, I think it's fair to assume that you were. And your parents would say to you, 'that boy is just being mean to you because he likes you'. That's what this is.
Arthur is just so repressed. He has really bad daddy issues, and he doesn't know how to express his emotions, and he's really uncomfortable with physical intimacy, especially with other men, especially with Merlin. And this isn't me trying to psychoanalyse away his heterosexuality. It is a very evident part of his character.
And another big part of his character is that he has inherited all of these bigoted ideas about magic from his father that he has to work to overcome. Because, of course, Arthur himself is born of magic, but his dad is so ashamed of it that he hides the true circumstances of his birth from Arthur. Honestly, I don't know exactly how that would fit into this whole metaphor. I do have a half-formed theory that it could be interpreted as an allegory for intersex identity, I know that a lot of people headcanon Arthur as trans, so idk there could be something there. But regardless, it is only through his relationship with Merlin that he is able to overcome this magicphobia, because he realises: how could it be wrong when everything about Merlin is so right. And I just feel like there's a metaphor in there somewhere.
Of course, I have to mention this iconic quote from the audio commentary of the final episode: when the executive producer refers to Arthur taking off his royal seal to give back to Guinevere as passing over "the last vestige of his heterosexu- oh sorry, I mean his marriage." So, they knew exactly what they were doing.
I also thought I would just draw your attention to the fact that at one point Arthur says, "I only care about my men, they're more than friends, more than brothers." Now, I think we can all agree that out of context, that is a very gay thing to say, and yet somehow the context is even gayer, because Arthur is pretending to be talking about the Knights of the Round Table, but he's actually talking about Merlin, how Merlin is the only person he cares about, more than a friend. And then Merlin responds, "I understand. I wish I didn't, but I do." It's barely subtext at that point. This of course, brings me to my final argument:
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Arthur risked his life to save Merlin at least eight times. It could be more than that, I genuinely lost count. And you have to keep in mind that Arthur is the King of Camelot and he doesn't have any heirs. It is quite important that he stays alive. And yet anytime that Merlin is in the slightest bit of danger, he will just drop everything to protect him.
And it's really only in those moments where he's faced with the thought of losing Merlin that he shows him genuine emotion. Such as in this scene (which was cut out of 4x02 purely because it was too gay) where Arthur is planning to sacrifice himself to protect Merlin, again, and he gives Merlin his mother's sigil, the only thing he has left of his dead mum and he wants Merlin to have it as something to remember him by. Also, apparently in medieval times giving someone your family crest was basically a marriage proposal, so that's pretty gay.
You know what else is pretty gay? Telepathically communicating with Merlin and then immediately leaving Gwen in the middle of an active war. This is literally the last time that Arthur and Gwen ever see each other. Poor Gwen.
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In conclusion, Merlin is the story of gay sorcerers and bisexual knights getting into love triangles. Everyone in this show is queer and you cannot tell me otherwise.
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hyperfixat · 3 months
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hbd to me!!!!!!! here’s a vent fic i wrote a few months ago so proceed with caution; reader attempted suicide, reader continues to have suicidal thoughts/attempts, reader seeks harm onto themself (both from external sources and self inflicted), reader is depressed!!! be sure to evaluate your mental state before reading this fic :3. this also contains a scene that i felt compelled to write for some reason involving assisted hygiene: idk i felt that needed a little acknowledgment..
ik its my birthday fic and it proably should be happy, but theres a bit of hurt comfort to this that i love and i polished it up to share so that hopefully u like it too.. again heed my warnings^
also final note; formatted on my pc, sprry if its funky
The first thing you feel upon waking up is disappointment.  This… you rub your face with your hands.  You can’t do anything right, you sigh.  Waking up is a clear sign of a failure as to your plans.
Although you frown as you observe your surroundings, this isn’t where you would be if someone had caught you attempting to take your life.  You wouldn’t be dumped in the middle of a sunny field.  This isn’t a hospital or ward, in fact there’s no sign of any modern buildings from where you sit.
Just where are you…?
You use shaky arms to lift yourself up, and begin to attempt to find a way home.  Or for something to just kill you.
What luck, you realize morbidly, you spawned on a plateau, and that’s all you allow yourself to think before breaking into a sprint and running both to and over the edge.
You hit the plains with a crack and you wheeze out a pained groan.  Before you can lift yourself up to try again or seek help or check for any witnesses, you feel your body fade away. It’s a weightless feeling as you sink into the earth of Teyvat.
There is not much pain, not as much as you had hoped or expected.  In ways this is a pro, for you are a coward in the face of pain no matter deserved or otherwise.
You fade, but not into the hold of death, at least you don’t think this is death, rather you fade from your spot crumpled on the ground into a sitting position firmly in the arms of an Anemo Statue of Seven.  The marble orb of Barbatos’ lookalike stops you from falling out of the statue’s arms and you heave a sigh.
How unfortunate.  It seems you cannot permanently die here.  Though… what if it was a fluke…?  With another bone deep sigh you fall to the ground and walk back to the ledge and stare down at the fifty foot drop.
Before you work up the courage to take the plunge a high, excited voice calls out for you.  You flinch, opening your eyes to see a youthful bard dressed in Mondstatian green, holding his hands out for you.  Venti is sprinting towards you and you take a step back nervously.  He seems to recognize you… but how could that be?  
His face falls as you back away and his sprint slows when he’s a few yards away from being able to reach out to you.  Venti calls your name again.  He falters, the smile adorning his face slips.
“Wait…” his voice wavers.  “What are you doing, Divine One?”
Why did he call you that…?  Is it some Mondstat greeting of sorts?  You can’t kill yourself in front of him and retraumatize the poor guy, so you allow him to get closer to you, and you don’t stop him when he sweeps his lythe form down into a kneeling bow.
“Hello.”  You greet, unsure of how one is supposed to act when approached by a fictional character.
Venti lifts his gaze from the ground up to your face, looking downright awestruck.
“I, we, have long awaited your descent, Divine One, it is an honor to have you grace the lands of Freedom with your presence first.”  
Uh-oh.  He seems to have confused you with someone else, because you are certainly no one special and definitely not any sort of divine.  How are you gonna break that to him without too much embarrassment on either of your parts?
“Please, come with me to the city, I’m certain the people will be delighted to host the one who shaped the world.”  His voice is high with a musical lilt, and it’s hard to decline him.
“I’m sorry,” your voice comes out dry, and you realize you’re terribly dehydrated.  “I think there’s been a mistake.  I’m not whoever you think I am.”
You take a step back, backing yourself up the hill onto higher ground.
“Whatever do you mean, Divine One?  Your presence is unmistakable.”
You shake your head, stepping further away from the Archon.  Venti reaches his hand out to grasp at the bottom hem of your pajama pants.  “Please!  I’ve waited so long for you.”  He falls onto his knees to beg.
Fuck, his eyes are so pretty when he pleads.  You don’t want to risk angering whatever God he’s mistaking you with, though, “Venti….”  
The blue-green sky of his eyes turns to the color of the ocean as tears well up in his waterline.  His whole body shivers when you utter his chosen name.  “I can keep it a secret from the public.  Surely only Archons and those blessed with a Vision will be able to sense you.  We can keep it quiet, please, Divine One, I beg of you.”
“I’m not this Divine One you speak of,” you kneel and place a hand on his hat.  Venti’s eyes search yours with confusion. As he lifts his head, your hand presses into the curve of his skull, making him lean harder into your touch.
“Th-That’s okay, please just stay in Mondstadt for a night, that’s all I wish.”  He doesn’t believe you, that’s clear, but he seems so eager to appease you.
You pause, looking away from the pathetically begging archon.  His hands clench on your pant fabric.
“Okay.  Just for the night.”  You hope no one else from Mondsat is as strange as Venti is…
“I don’t have any way to pay for this,” you smile at Diluc, placing a hand on the side of the glass to push it back across the counter.
“I wouldn’t dream of making you pay, please drink all you wish.  Let me know if it isn’t to your taste.”
“Does that apply to their guide as well, Master Diluc?”
“No.”
“A shame,” Venti sighs, taking a deep drink from his glass.
You have to hand it to Venti, he is a good guide.  He’s quick to shut down any vision holder you come across with a quick whisper in their ear, and he truly knows Mondstadt in and out.
The bell above the door jingles as it swings open, and you glance behind you in time to see Rosaria come strolling in with a timid Barbara clutching the back of her cathedral robes.  She must not visit the Angel’s Share much, seeing as the hydro-user looks around with quick, nervous eyes.  When her eyes land on you they widen comically, her small hand darting out to steady herself on Rosaria’s forearm.
“Farewell, my Divinity,” “Safe travels, Divine One,” and “May the wind bless your travels, Your Grace,” follow your retreating form as you make the hike to Dragonspine.  
Honestly you aren’t certain where you’re heading.  If the other nations treat you the same as Mondstadt, that's a no-go.  You won’t know unless you go, though.  Maybe you should head the same route the Traveler would.  That would mean Dragonspine is your next destination.  
Who will you meet there?  Albedo…?  He’s the only one you can think of that stays there.
As you begin the trek you realize; he’s a research-type dude, you hesitate to say scientist, but he does experiments and such.  Perhaps, you can make use of yourself by giving your body up to him to work on.  Surely an undying body would greatly interest the research of life?
After a surprisingly simple search you find him and present your proposition.
“Absolutely not,” Albedo dismisses you without thought.  He doesn’t even bother to spare you a look.  “That is blasphemy of the highest order, I’d suggest giving that attitude up sooner rather than later.”
You flinch back at the words, taking a step back into the chill of Dragonspine.
“I can offer you sanctuary here if you seek it, but I will not harm you.”  
“That’s…” not at all what you want.  “That’s very kind of you to offer, but I must decline.”
His haunting blue eyes follow you down the snowy path to Liyue.  Once you are far too away to hear, he states calmly, “safe travels.”
As you walk down the icy paths lining the gravel streets you think… Albedo had rejected you just like that.  What’s the next step?
You might as well stop by Liyue Harbor, maybe meet some characters before… before maybe heading to Sumeru?  
Ahhah! It hits you then, the harbinger introduced in Sumeru: Il Dottore.  If Albedo had reservations, then Dottore would have none.
Even still, Liyue is a harbor.  You’re sure to find a way to Snezhnaya from there.
You almost get to the docks without drawing any attention to yourself.  Almost.
Your mistake laid in the fact that you passed the Golden House, the weekly Childe Boss fight.  In your defense you didn’t actually think he’d be in there.  And it’s not like you even went in, only going up the steps and around for a detour.  
And it was a quick route until a strangled gasp came from behind you, making you spin around in alarm.  There, Tartaglia stood, with pupils nearly the size of his gray-blue eyes, staring, completely enraptured by your visage.  Your knees buckle and you make to sprint, but your body is no match for a Fatui Harbinger.
In retrospect you’re not entirely sure what drove you to run, perhaps some fight or flight instinct buried inside of you.
His long hand wraps around your forearm, tugging you to a stop, you face him, and your face must portray your panic clearly because Tartaglia’s twists into sorrowful sympathy.
“My Divinity… it is an honor to meet you in the flesh.”
“Let go.”  He does, promptly so. 
“I’m sorry, I got ahead of myself.  May I ask where you are headed, and if you are in need of company?”
“No.  Thank you, Childe.” 
His face shifts into a serious look, nodding.  “Do you need an escort to Liyue then?  Is that where you’re heading?” 
“No.  I know where I’m going, and I much prefer to go alone.” It’s not entirely false, you know where you’re headed, just not how.
“Well… be safe, okay?  I hope to see you again.”
“I will.”  The lie comes out and you cringe, because its delivery falls flat and its so obviously untrue.
“Does Mr Zhongli know you’re here?  Surely you’re here to see Morax?” He strolls to your other side, offering a hand to lead you to the city.  You ignore the hand.
“Goodbye, Tartaglia.”
“I can’t let you leave alone in good conscience…. You don’t seem well.  Let me lead you to the harbor at least.”
Since he is as unmoving as stone, you let him take you to the main city, managing to ditch him before more people can know about your presence.
The boats docked at Liyue Harbor are hopeful.  “Where is this ship headed?” you ask one of the dock workers.  They look up at your voice before glancing at the ship they’re loading up with lumber.
“Snezhnaya.” They say glancing up at the grand vessel.  “Why?  Where’re you tryna go, friend?”  
“Snezhnaya.  How much does the fare cost, one way?”
“News of your travels have reached Snezhnaya, Divine One.”  Dottore starts, fixing his posture from a lean on a surgical table to something more proper.  You shake your head, the weariness you’ve accumulated on your journey weighing down on you.  You’re finally where you deserve to be.
“I’m not the Divine One you speak of, Dottore.”
“Hm?  Do you think so little of my intelligence?  Your presence is unmistakable.”
“No, it’s not that.  But I’m not.  I’m just a regular person.  And I came to you for a reason.”
“Oh?  The Creator themself, seeking me out?  It’s an honor,” the doctor bows to you, smirking at you from beneath his beaklike mask.
“I need you to hurt me.”
“What?”  He pulls himself up with a startled question.  “I’m afraid I misheard you, Divine One.”
“I can’t die, Dottore.  I’m giving myself to you, you…” you heave a sigh as you explain your reasoning.  “You could make use of me.  I’m not whoever you think I am, please just take me.  I don’t care what you do to me.”
“You’re… giving yourself to me?”  
“Yes.”
“Do you know what happens to my… patients?”
“Yes, that's why I’m here.  I can’t die, I imagine I would make a good test subject.”
“Is this a test?”  Dottore seems to be speaking to himself more than anything.  He pushes away from the table and paces to the back room of the lab, muttering madly to himself as he does so.  The door swings open with a loud screeching and you catch sight of multiple mops of blue hair and masks.  
His Segments.
You can hear a conversation ongoing between all of the parts of Zandik, it seems he doesn’t want to be rash and take you in too hastily.  You can understand his (their?) hesitancy; if a god offered themselves up to you, you would surely think it was a trap.  But you aren’t a god, so it should be a no brainer for him.  How often does he get consenting test subjects?
It seems this absurd idea of you being a higher power has infiltrated Snezhnaya as well, which is… not good. Everyone is saying you’re more than what you are, you can’t be a god, you barely consider yourself a human.
An older, completely unmasked Segment sticks his head out of the door, frowning once he makes eye contact with you.  There’s gray leaking from his roots into the teal of Dottore’s hair, and visible aging lines on his face; crows feet and tension on his cheekbones.  Glowing red eyes narrow upon meeting your own, mouth pulling into a tight line.
A younger segment, smaller in size and stature, with a nearly full face mask, only showing part of his mouth.  You think that is the one that the Fandom surrounding him dubbed Webttore.  You usually see pictures of him with a wide, jagged-tooth smile, but, like his older part, he looks solemn.
You wonder just how many Segments Il Dottore has, because you can still hear an entire conversation going on without the two.
The conversation seems to be dying down, not ending without a few red eyes peeking out from behind the door at you.  It’s surreal seeing so many versions of the same person at once; the youthful ones, eyes wide, and the older ones with wrinkles built with time and age, all at the same moment in time.
Eventually though, they do seem to come to a verdict: the Omega segment, the one you met upon walking into his lab, exits, closing the door behind him with a click that resonates through the room.
His answer is a simple word.  “No.”
Your heart drops and stomach sinks at the rejection, and based on il Dottore’s reaction it must show.  “Why?” your voice is small and sounds foreign to your own ears.
“I cannot forsake the true god in such a way, whether you acknowledge it or not, you have that power.”
All the turmoil and hardships it took to get here come crashing down, the light at the end of the tunnel is rejecting you.  You hadn’t known this was something that could happen, your… your savior, the one you were looking for is telling you no.  He won’t lay a finger on you, and it’s tearing you apart.  This was the only thing that kept you from burying yourself in the deep forest of Sumeru and letting yourself rot.
“Oh.” It’s shaky and you nod, trying to take it maturely.  “I see.”  Your voice is warbling like you're on the verge of tears.  Blinking rapidly to dispel the water from your eyes, you lower your head and make to scamper out of the lab.
Dottore lets out a heavy sigh, and his leather gloves wrap around your wrist.
“Wait.”  You nervously glance up at his mask.
“You said you would ‘give yourself to me,’ no?”
Your heart pounds heavily in your chest, “yes.”  Has he suddenly changed his mind? You shouldn't get your hopes up.
“I will take you.  I doubt you will appreciate my intentions, but if I were to own you, you wouldn’t be able to complain.  After all, you will have done it to yourself.”
You don’t know what those words mean, but the stinging rejection welling up in your eyes turns to relief. “Thank you,” he doesn’t stop you from dashing to his side and wrapping your arms around his waist.  You press your face into his abdomen, letting his clothes soak up your tears.  A hesitant hand rubs over your spine, an effort to soothe you.
You pull yourself together, sucking in a deep breath of the sterile lab air.  
“Alright,” Dottore says after he deems you put together enough.  “Come.”  His hand covers your wrist, gently tugging you behind him.  You aren’t sure where he is leading you, as he takes you out of the lab.  The halls are tall and gorgeously crafted, intermittent with intricate moldings on the wall.  
It’s a small room you find yourself in, but it is infinitely better than the wilderness.  The size is comparable to an average hotel room.  Dottore instructs you to sit and stay on the bed, which you do obediently.  Nerves swirl inside of you, as to where he has gone and what he will bring back with - when he will return, if at all.
Il Dottore knows.  While he is not well versed on human, much less godly, psychology, he can tell you’re depressed when you first stumbled your way into his workstation. Besides, he’d be hard pressed to deny the rumors from various agents that had been located in places you’d traveled through.
With a small caddy in his hands Dottore kneels next to the nightstand and places a hand on your shoulder to force you to lay down.  “Arm.”  Is what he prompts for you to let him maneuver your arm to lay open and flat over the edge of the bed. 
The scent of alcohol alerts you to the sanitary wipe before you feel the chill of it.  You keep your eyes trained on the ceiling as you feel the slight pinch of a needle  and a clicking as an IV is deposited into your arm.  Out of the corner of your eye you see Dottore set up a drip, but you don’t bother to ask what it is, the excitement of the day catching up with you.
Il Dottore eventually leaves the room in silence after pushing an odd vial of liquid into the drip, not bothering to look behind him as he closes the door and leaves with confident strides.
Although it’s entirely possible it’s simply the Placebo Effect, as the drip spreads throughout your veins you can feel your eyes getting heavier and heavier.  Before long you can no longer keep them open and slip into a dreamless sleep.
You wake up to a Mirror Maiden tidying up the nightstand next to you.  You observe her work, wondering how she can manage to navigate with the blind pulled over her eyes.  She startles when she catches your eyes on her, though returns back to work, quietly disposing of the used needles from earlier.  You wonder what The Doctor has injected you with; wonder if he added more of whatever it is while you were unconscious.
There’s a brisk, impatient knock on the door and the Maiden straightens up, taking hold of everything to discard and striding over to change positions with Tartaglia behind the door.
You stay flat on your back, looking at the ginger in mild surprise.  Last you saw him he was in Liyue and set to stay for quite a while.  Had he heard you gave yourself away to Il Dottore?   Is he here to plead for you to change your mind?
But to your bemusement he stays quiet, walking over to and kneeling next to your bed.  Instead of speaking he merely rests his head on the nightstand, dull blue eyes gazing at you sadly, yet reverently.
You’re unsure of how long you look up at the ceiling, doing your best to ignore Tartaglia’s eyes on you.  His gaze is unwavering, and eventually, you turn your head to the side, meeting his eyes.
“I’m sorry for my behavior in Liyue.  I was too excited to see you, and my manners deserted me.”
“It’s okay.” You croak, throat dry from sleep.  “I was dismissive as well.”
Dottore doesn’t bother to knock when he comes in.
“I see you’re awake and seem to have found a stray harbinger.”
Tartaglia doesn’t react to his entrance, merely moving to the far end of the bed, laying his head on the covers near your feet.  You realize someone has drapped a plain, solid color duvet over your body when you slept. 
“Are you feeling anything out of the ordinary?” Dottore asks, checking the emptied IV bag.  He unclips it and pulls a fresh one from his lab coat pocket.
You take the moment to assess (how do you spell it) your body.  In all honesty you’re feeling much better, the hydration from the drip really made a difference.
“I feel hydrated.”
Dottore hums, he sounds disinterested.  “How’s your appetite? Can you stomach anything for me?”  He clips a new bag onto the pole, screwing it into your IV’s tube. “Stand if you can.” 
Dottore’s eyes watch you intensely behind his mask, observing how you tremble when you put a leg onto the floor.  “Childe, help them and follow me.”
Tartaglia scrambles to steady your arm as you fully get out of the bed, wrapping the one without the needle in it around his shoulder to support you.  You stiffen, but aren’t in any position to be able to get around without him, not with the emptiness of your stomach and the way black fades into your vision when you stand.  “Get them to the restroom, take care of their needs.  I will return with what they will eat.”
“Come on, I got you,” Tartaglia assures as he leads you to the ensuite restroom. It’s nothing too fancy; simply a sink, shower, and toilet.
You eye the toilet, realizing how long it’s been since you’ve relieved yourself.  A shower would also be nice…
“Allow me to assist you, Divine One,” Tartaglia remains stoic and respectful as he shimmies your pants and underwear down your legs, letting you support yourself on his broad shoulders as you step out of the pant holes.  After making sure you get to the toilet safely he turns around and starts the shower faucet.
The sound of the water helps you get over your pee shyness and by the time Tartaglia finishes soaking and preparing a cloth for you, you’ve finished and are ready to bathe.
With weak arms you gather the hem of your shirt in your hands and remove the remainder of your clothes.
Tartaglia helps you get clean with warm, respectful touches, passing you the cloth for you to clean more intimate areas, before helping you out of the shower and wrapping a large, soft towel around your body.  It’s huge, covering the top of your bust to well past mid-calf, looping around your body almost twice.  He tucks the towel tightly with practiced precision. 
“Il Dottore will be back soon, I’ll help you get dressed before he returns.  Do you have any material preferences?”
You sit up in bed, feeling marginally better than the day before.  The day after that, and the day after that all proceed in a similar fashion; each time you feel just a little bit better.  More clear headed, a better appetite, less like a corpse walking.
Only after Dottore deems you well enough to remove the IV do you get your suspicions that it was more than just the proper nutrition making you feel better.  He still stops by your room twice a day for some shots; he encouraged you to choose where he would deposit them (when you said into your brain or through your chest, it did not amuse him).  It feels suspiciously like the antidepressants you’ve been on before.  
It only further confuses you, though.  Does he want you in a proper state of mind for something?  He has no reason other than unfounded faith to help you, you don’t like it.  It’s … uncomfortable receiving this type of care, knowing it’s only because they think you're better than who you really are.
The food they feed you, the clothes they dress you in, it's all much more than you deserve.
“What are you doing to me?”
“Pardon?” Dottore sets the syringe down with a metallic click.  Through his mask you can feel his gaze on you.
“You’re… you’re trying to— to…” the words fail you.
“Mitigate your depressive symptoms?  Yes, I am.  What of it?”  Il Dottore picks the syringe back up, pushing the knob back before stabbing it into the vial in his hand. He pulls the liquid up with ease before removing the needle and pushing to remove the excess air in the syringe.
“Why?”
“Hm?  Why would I not?”  He flicks the syringe and some liquid flies from the point of the needle.
“If I were anyone else you wouldn’t be doing this.”
“Indeed.”
“Haven’t you realized by now that I’m not who you think I am?  That I’m just a normal human in a horrible situation of being unable to die?”
“That is not so.  Your skin cultures and biopsy results do not share that conclusion.  Even if you continue to deny your god-hood, it changes nothing. I know for certain who you are, and you will remain in my care until you utilize your divine right to revoke such.”
Biopsy? When on Earth — Teyvat? — did that happen?  But there’s more important things to discuss with him for now, not that you care how or when it happened.  You’re more surprised you never noticed, that’s all.
“You’re wrong!”  You wail, tears finally coming for the first time in a while.  You had thrown your head back to speak, but now you collapse in on yourself with your head between your arms and legs.  It’s humid, but saves you from having to look at the doctor and his unreadable bird mask.
“Oh my,” you hear Dottore murmur, then he sets his medical supplies to the side and places a hand on your shoulder. He remains there while you sob, when finally the lack of speech seems to reach the boiling point, he heaves a sigh.  “If it is of any consolation, if it were to come to my attention that you are not in any way godly or divine, I would treat you the same.  I’ve put far too much care into you to just toss you aside..”
That consoles you, if only a little, damn the drugs making you want to continue life to see the future.   But you broke the dam of tears, and it’ll take a while for them to stop; you need to cry out everything that led you here….
Your… attempt that put you in Teyvat, the one you tried right after arrival, the false death, all the eyes and praise that aren’t meant for you.  It’s dysphoric.  
The lurches of your body with your cries, stitches your sides and you sniffle harder into the crevice your body makes, the moisture of the confined body space blending in with your tears.
“There now,” Dottore says, quieter as you get so as well.  “Perhaps some more rest will do you good.  I’ll be at the ready whenever you wake.”
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rootbeerworshiper · 3 months
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Idk if u do requests but if you do could u do a fic where the reader is matts gf and she has psychic abilities/ gets alot more affected by paranormal and can dometimes see things and she goes with thr triplets to be in the sam and colby video amd she's getting targeted the whole night and she does the elevator game with mstt and sees a lady walk in on the 5th floor amd has a panic attack and matt comforts her ? That's kinda alot but 😘
All My Ghosts Matt Sturniolo x reader
warnings: panic attack and paranormal shit (obviously) otherwise just fluff !
i loveeee this request sm pls give me more!!
love, sienna <3
growing up you had always had a feeling deep down that someone or something was always watching you.
it wasn’t always in a creepy way, sometimes you’d have “imaginary friends” that only you could see, and you were told that that’s normal.
seeing figures and hearing faint laughing in the background was your normal, but you’d be lying if you said it never got to you.
you always felt different, like you understood things differently than most, on a deeper level. you felt emotions on a heavy scale, you were always referred to as an empath.
so even if you knew that what you experienced wasn’t a common occurrence to most, it was difficult getting anyone to understand you.
youtube was a safe haven for you, as dumb as that may sound. you could come home from getting teased at school and hop into bed to watch the new dan and phil video.
it was silly how many people you had watched growing up, spanning from ldshadowlady to the dolan twins, it was addictive and you simply couldn’t get enough.
eventually, you found yourself watching a channel that you were especially drawn to. a channel that talked about some of the experiences you’ve had in your life, the paranormal ones that is.
their names were sam and colby, and it didn’t take long for you to become obsessed with watching them walk through haunted hotels and asylums all while seeing and hearing things that were familiar to you.
to most it was scary, to you it was comforting. you weren’t alone in seeing those things, just some people had to look for it more than others.
you met Matt when you were working at your local panera bread. it was a normal, mostly shitty, shift but as you finished wiping down your station you heard this addicting laugh entering the store.
your head practically shot up, wanting to see where it came from, and to your surprise the contagious laugh was coming from one of three triplets.
for whatever reason they looked familiar to you but you weren’t sure why.
after some small talk you figured out they were youtubers, and this would not be the last time you saw them.
it became a regular occurrence for them to come to your workplace, sometimes just ordering a sweet tea and still leaving a tip.
Matt came in the most, always leaving you flustered behind the counter as he ordered.
eventually you exchanged socials and began talking about more than a new special, and you really enjoyed talking to him.
you had been going out with him for a few months at this point, already best friends with both of his brothers.
which leaves you to now, hanging out with your boyfriend on the couch as you explain all the shit you endured growing up, a shocked expression plastered on his precious face.
“wait you’ve seen like actual fucking figures?” he’s dumbfounded at something you were told was normal.
you just shrug. “i was always told that it was normal to have imaginary friends i don’t know. i just thought i had more than most people”
“y/n that is definitely not a normal experience oh my god that is terrifying i’m so sorry” he places his hand on your shoulder as if to console you.
it’s rare that someone realizes the pain that this small thing has caused you and you aren’t sure how to feel. “Matt it’s fine i promise. it’s just become a thing now i don’t know, i was just scared you wouldn’t believe me because it is kinda crazy”
“of course i believe you you’re my girlfriend, i just can’t believe you’ve been going through that alone” he still looks concerned but i smile to lighten the mood.
“i’m okay i just wanna cuddle with my boyfriend on the couch” he leans back, allowing you to lay comfortably on top of him and rest your head on his chest.
“i think we’re doing a colab soon and Nick wanted me to ask if you wanted to be in it”
you had been in a few videos before, but mostly just caught in the background of vlogs, saying few sentences on camera.
dating a famous youtuber definitely had its downsides, and you weren’t in the mood to deal with the hate you’d receive, even though Matt wants nothing more than to show you off.
“collab with who?” you ask, wrapping our arm around his waist and you lean in closer.
“i don’t know if you know who they are but their names are sam and colby and i think they make like-“
“shut the fuck up no way!” he looks just as confused and he is intrigued at your sudden jump off of his chest.
you place your hand on his chest to stabilize yourself. “i used to be obsessed with them throughout like all of middle school and most of high school” you smile
“so that’s a yes?” he asks, looking up at you with pure lust in his eyes.
you hadn’t actually though about it, too excited over the fact that the youtubers you once watched were talking to your boyfriend.
as fun and surreal as it would be, you can’t help but think about how nerve wracking it would be. but you love your boyfriend, and you love sam and colby, so you nod. “that’s exactly what that means”
it had been a few months since that conversation, and you are now in Texas, preparing to film in the most haunted hotel there.
at this point your nerves have subsided, you’ve met both sam and colby (somehow managing to play it cool) and you feel comfortable with them.
a sense of excitement has taken over and you welcome it with open arms, feeling like a kid again, even if you are actually 20.
“you ready?” Matt looks down to you as sam sets up the camera.
you nod and smile, butterflies in your stomach as you imagine the fun you’re about to have with some of your favourite people.
the 6 of you are standing in the lobby, an open area filled with gold framed art work and marble flooring at your disposal.
you can’t help but hold matt’s hand the moment the camera is turned towards you, the confident feeling you had moment prior slowly escaping you.
the intro goes as it always does, a bit of a premise for what’s to come and an introduction to the guests.
it all feels surreal but eventually you begin exploring the hotel.
everything is okay at first, jokes being cracked about ghosts and sam making fun of Matt’s fear of elevators, you haven’t noticed anything yet.
that is until you feel a small tug on your shirt from behind and immediately jump, clutching onto Matt.
“holy shit what was that?” Chris asks, voice filled with concern as he back away.
“something just tugged on my shirt holy shit”
Matt just hugs you back, he can already see the edits but he’s more focused on making you comfortable. “i think that was Samantha” Colby says from behind the camera. “apparently she likes to tug on clothing and even tickle guests at the hotel”
this just sends a shiver down your spine but you try to keep a brave face, especially considering you had only been filming for about 20 minutes. “hello Samantha!” you joke, shaking away the nerves and letting go of your boyfriend.
the video continues, and you all continue to walk through the haunted space, occasionally hearing knocking and footsteps. but it brings you a small sense of comfort knowing that everyone hears it, you aren’t alone.
you make it to the most haunted room, room 525 where two women passed away tragically in the bathtub. “who ripped ass in here oh my god” Nick groans, furrowing his eyebrows and plugging his nose instantly.
it truly smells terrible, but for whatever reason you’ve smelt only before. a few years ago you were with some friends in Boston when you explored some tunnels under a bridge, it was said that multiple people had overdosed there, leaving it haunted.
the smell of the tunnels is almost identical to the smell of the room, but you avoid telling anyone about it, not wanting to talk on camera more than you have to.
although the group is only in there momentarily, you hear something coming from the bathroom.
a scream. coming from a woman.
you try to hide the look of terror that appears on your face when you jump back. “did anyone else hear that?” you ask, not wanting to be the only one. you notice the camera that appears in your face almost instantly.
except you were the only one, unless its heard on the footage later. “what did you hear?” Matt asks looking towards you with all of his attention.
“just a uh woman screaming i don’t know” you rub your hands on your face, attempting to gain composure. “she sounded terrified”
“we’ll definitely have to do an investigation in here later” Sam says, but inevitably you all leave the room to go explore more.
and you do just that, exploring all different areas of the haunted hotel.
the nerves have gone away slightly, and although you still see the occasional figure in the corner, you just avoid mentioning it, not wanting to come off as a fake.
Colby then brings up the idea of an elevator ritual, and Nick and Chris have made it their mission to send you and Matt on that quest, alone.
you aren’t normally terrified of elevators, not nearly as much as your boyfriend, but the idea of a woman spirit (who you may see) joining you on the 5th floor makes you uneasy.
“we don’t have to if you don’t want, i can go in alone” Matt looks down to you, whispering quietly to avoid being heard by the others.
you feel stupid, Matt’s the one with the elevator fear, no way he should go in alone. “no Matt i’m good, i’ll just cry in the fetal position if it comes down to it”
he laughs and places a kiss to your temple, out of frame of course.
and so it’s settled. you and Matt will take place in the ritual, spanning from almost every floor of the hotel, while the boys below use something called the “onvoy” to talk to spirits.
they make a few jokes about what they’ll do if you die in there and say their “goodbyes”.
you and Matt head into the elevator that has just opened without any buttons pressed, camera in hand.
(i’m making up random numbers here bc i cant be bothered to copy every one from the vid so ignore that)
“okay first floor is… floor 4” you say, Matt immediately presses the button and you go up.
it continues like that for majority of the floors, just the door opening and no one out there. this isn’t too bad.
this is until the 5th floor, where Matt has to invite a woman into the elevator with you.
to the average person with little belief in ghosts, this would be nothing, funny even. but to you? the moment he finished that sentence you felt a breeze run across your chest.
all of a sudden, the small box felt smaller. your breathing increased as the elevator door shut and you just grabbed onto Matt’s hand. you try your best to breathe but it feels like you can’t inhale. like the presence of a ghostly woman has literally taken up to much space for you to receive oxygen.
Matt notices immediately by the way you squeeze your eyes shut and for whatever reason the elevator stops.
“oh my god holy fuck” you mutter out. he helps you to the floor and you bring your knees up to your chest. by this point the camera has been tossed to the side as Matt sits next to you.
“breathe y/n you’re okay” he rubs your back and begins taking deep breaths for you to follow along.
“i should be comforting you- the elevators stuck and your scared and-“ you blurt out in between quick breaths.
he gently grabs the side of your face to turn you towards him. “look at me” you bring your eyes to his, you’re lip now quivering. “what happened? you can tell me i’ll believe anything you say okay?”
“i can feel her in here Matt. like i felt her walk in and now the elevator feels smaller and-“ you throw your head back against the wall of the elevator.
“remember when you helped me with my panic attack?” he holds both of your hands and you nod. “i need you to do what you told me to do”
“focus on me. don’t focus on the elevator or the ghosts just look at me okay?” you bring your eyes back to him. “now you just have to match my breathing yeah?”
he takes long, loud deep breaths and slowly you are able to follow along, feeling less stressed than before. the moment you’ve caught up on your breathing you place your head on his shoulder, fully relaxing into him.
“i’m so sorry you have to see shit like that it’s probably terrifying” he now rubs your shoulder.
even though you are locked in an elevator in a haunted hotel in an unfamiliar state, you feel mostly okay, because you have Matt.
suddenly the elevator begins moving again, going down. a wave of relief washes over you because the fact that it’s going down means the ritual didn’t work.
Matt begins to stand up, reaching his hand out to help you up as well and he films a very quick summery of what just happened (minus your full fledged panic attack)
everything’s okay again. you land on the main floor to meet the boys once again and although your terrified, you know that you have people here that support you, and that means more than any ghost ever will.
a/n: i hope i did this justice bc i had so much fun writing it!! ily anon
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definitelysel · 6 months
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family amidst sorcery — drabble, fluff, angst in the end if you squint because jjk manga :')
gojo satoru x fem!reader
not proof read
w/c : 500-ish?
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Nobody says anything, but it is an established fact that Megumi has turned into Satoru's child courtesy of you. It was something that Satoru had never planned. He couldn’t imagine himself as a good parental figure for anyone.
If you asked anyone who had known Gojo Satoru since high school, they would all pray for the child who was unfortunate to fall under Satoru’s surveillance.
Honestly, Satoru swore that he would never deal with children because they are annoying and have been permanently scarred since the Rika Amanai Incident, but ever since you crash-landed in his life...You are adopting kids left and right. Megumi? Yuuji? Nobara? All your children.
Nobody was safe from your sight. Even the second years had become your children. You had the tendency to treat everyone like children and tend to them. In short, you were complete of Satoru. 
Yuuji and Nobara wanted steak? Done. Taking students on a vacation after rough missions? You coaxed Satoru into agreeing. He had to admit that he had grown fond of this little sorcerer family you and him had built. It was unironically, his place of solace and happiness.
Everyone had their humorous moments with you two as their guardians, especially Megumi who terms Satoru as his benefactor has his slip-ups and he ends up referring to him as 'dad.'
"You think of me as a father figure, Megumi?" Satoru's tone brightened up like a flashlight and he dramatically placed a hand on his chest, appearing touched by Megumi's words. Which he was, actually.
It reassured him that he wasn't as bad of a guardian as he had originally thought.
"What? You? As my father figure? You are much more of a bother figure." Megumi did a double take and quickly got defensive, yet one could see his cheekbones and earlobes pink up in embarrassment. You and Satoru chuckled at the sight of him grumbling.
"I am glad my ears are sharp otherwise I wouldn't have caught that." Satoru smiled and ruffled Megumi's hair. He had the tendency to do that. If you are shorter than Gojo Satoru, he would ultimately pat and or ruffle your hair which happens a lot since in most cases, you are shorter.
"You are hearing things, old man." Megumi sighed and was about to leave before you called him. "Hey! 'gumi! Don't go without eating."
He turned around and returned to indulge in the meal you had cooked for him as you and Satoru hung around the kitchen counters. The food was like a warm hug for him. A soft smile threatened to creep onto his face but he suppressed it.
After finishing, he got up and looked at you before saying, "Thank you. I appreciate it." There was a brief smile on his face which soon faded away as he made his way towards the door.
"Did you see that? Megumi can smile!" Satoru marvelled.
"Of course, he can, dummy!" You retorted.
He quietly chuckled before exiting to go and regroup with Yuuji and Nobara.
Needless to say, Megumi is too prideful to admit that he enjoys this found family, you three had created amidst the chaos of the jujutsu world where death was around the corner each day.
It was nice. Too nice. It was only a matter of time till this short-lived moment would be shattered.
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©definitelysel
do not edit , plagiarise , copy or claim as your own or I will bite your toes off.
a/n : idk i have just mentally adopted megumi and probably every 1st and 2nd year. They are all so squish squish.
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darkromanceenthusiast · 10 months
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Gabriel (2014) x reader
I cannot find this characters last name to save my motherfucking life
Contains: Beach scene re-write, reader tries to turn Gabe down because they know they can’t help him but ultimately gives in, might write more idk, cursing, fluff, and brief mentions of a knife, reader is referred to as “wife” but otherwise GN, reader loves him so much, heart hurts.
“What the fuck?Jesus Christ!” You jumped up from the dead sleep and bed as you saw the dark haired man behind you, it took a few seconds for it to click in your mind you knew him.
“Surprise.” He says, an adorable smile on his face, his eyes are bright and happy as he stares up at me.
“Gabe, what the fuck are you doing here? You just can't get into my bed and surprise me?” I say, still freaking out, it had been years since I’ve seen him and now he’s just here.
“Yes, I can. That's what I just did. I just...” he trailed off and I looked over him, he was fidgeting with his hands a bit.
“How did you get here?” I ask, sitting back down on the side of the bed.
“I drove.” He answered simply as if the question was that simple.
“No, I mean, why are you here? How did you find me?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest, he still had that fucking smile on his face, the one that made me want to hug him but I fought it.
“You look amazing. I missed you so much.” He says as he goes to stroke my face, I take a step back and his face looks as if I just kicked a puppy as he tugs on the sleeves of his sweater.
“Gabe, what the fuck? This is so fucking weird...What are you doing?” I ask
“You know, I thought you'd be a little happier to see me.” He answers, clearly upset that my reaction isn’t jumping for joy.
“You just broke into my house and got into bed with me while I was sleeping. Obviously I'm a little scared.” You explained as you paced a bit, how would you explain this to anyone? Does Gabe’s family know where he is?
“You think I'm scary?” His sad voice pulls you from your spiraling thoughts. I sigh and look at him, sitting on my bed with his brown curls poking out from under his red beanie, his blue eyes look scared and worried, I notice the way his sweater is baggy on him and wonder if he’s eating well and I can see his bottom lip trembling and I have to look away.
“No. I'm not...I'm not saying you're scary. I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.” I answer and he perks up a bit, he stands and comes closer to me, holding out one of his bruised hands.
“Let's go to the beach.” He says, his smile making my heart melt.
“Gabe… I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I said softly. All I knew was Gabe is unpredictable and I hadn’t heard from him in so long. I was scared, this guy tracked me down and who knows what he’s capable of now, we aren’t silly kids anymore.
“I have a plan. I decided on my birthday. There was a bunch of fucking crazy people eating my cake, and a bunch of fat nurses telling me happy birthday as if they gave a shit, and I decided right there that I should be with you. 'Cause that's what families do. You know, normal families, they spend time together and be happy.” He explained with a smile and my heart sank, I wasn’t what this man wanted, I was just what he thought he wanted but I knew I couldn’t actually give him the help or happiness he deserves.
“Gabe, we're not a family. I... I thought you were living at your mom's house.” You said as your mind raced, crazy people eating his cake? Nurses? Then it clicked, Gabe’s family put him in an institution… you remembered his obsessive behavior that started shortly before he disappeared all those years ago.
“No. Shit. I'm getting ahead of myself. We-We gotta go down to the beach.” He said, this time grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the door, you fight with him a bit on it and he gets desperate.
“Gabe, it's freezing cold outside. I'm not gonna go to the beach.” You say, hoping to convince him you didn’t need to leave the house as his grasp tightened.
“No, see, you're getting it all confused. I just started thinking, what would they want me to do? Like what would a normal, boring person do in this situation? So I just started showering and washing all my stuff and smiling all the time... All that shit that they think is important, that makes 'em feel safe, you know? I just started acting like everyone else.” He said, you could see tears starting to form in his eyes, his throat tightened as he talked and you realized if this man cries you’re done for… you just can’t do it… seeing tears running down his cheeks will kill you.
“Gabe...” you whispered, hoping to calm him down.
“Like I'm supposed to act. Like-Like... Like an adult.” He said pleadingly
“What are you talking about?” You asked, your guard lowering a bit,
“And I asked them if I could come home f-for the weekend to surprise you, and they said yes. They said yes, so here I am. Come on, I need to ask you something, but it's gotta be on the beach.” He pleaded and you slowly relented, you let him, it was going okay until there was a sound on the other side of the house and pulled out a large kitchen knife, you felt your heart jump into your throat before it settled in your stomach like a sinking pit.
“Gabe, what the fuck is that?” You asked quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
“What? It's... It's just in case.” He said as he turned to you, the knife was gripped in his hand and his eyes looked a bit wild as he gave me a small smile.
“Just in case of what?” I ask, keeping my voice soft,
“In case of this. In case of someone coming… trying to keep us apart. Hey, it's self-defense. It's just protection, you know?” He explained softly and I looked at him concerned, why would he feel he needed self-defense to take me to the beach?
“Gabe, you're not going to be hurt.” I say as I reach slowly for the knife.
“Of course they are!” He raised his voice slightly and jerked the knife away from me, I put my hands up and nodded slowly,
“Fine… okay… let's go to the beach.” I say and he immediately calms down grabbing my hand as he leads me down to the beach, we walk in silence for a while before he speaks,
“You okay? You're freezing.” He says as he pulls off his coat and wraps it around me, I smile to myself softly when he does, I loved Gabe but I knew he needed more than I could ever reliably give him.
“Yeah.” I answered quickly.
“I'm-I'm sorry I had to do all that, but it's gonna be okay. I promise.” He said as we stood near the edge of the water.
“What are you doing? You can't act like this, Gabriel. You can't do this. This isn't okay.” I say, a bit worried about the knife in his pocket.
“You know you're the only one that's allowed to call me that? You and Dad. 'Cause you're the only ones that really love me. Do you know that?” He said, a small smile on his face as he squinted against the sun, his nose crinkling in a way I adored,
“Gabe...” I started, unsure of what to say,
“Do you remember when we got married?” He asked suddenly and I thought back to the summer we were kids, we had met on the beach we were now standing on, he was the cutest boy you had ever seen and my first love… until he disappeared.
“Ofcourse I remember… what about it?” I ask as he takes a small step towards me,
“I've just been having these flashbacks, like déjà vu or whatever, of when we got married. Do you remember? You kissed me on the beach, like where everyone could see.And then I said I love you. I whispered in your ear. Do you remember what you did? You grabbed my hand and pulled me into the ocean. And we went under and I proposed, and you said yes. Do you remember that? It was amazing. See? There it is.” He explains and I can feel the smile on my face of remembering those simpler times with him.
“Yeah….Holy shit.” I say softly,
“They've been... telling me that I'm a piece of shit. That I'm worthless.” He says as he looks off to the side, he’s still fidgeting with his hands as he does,
“Who tells you that?” I ask, genuine concern for him,
“But then I've been thinking about that moment when we got married, and-and I realize, you know, I'm...I'm not worthless. I'm pretty... I'm okay.” He says with a crooked smile, he looks at me with wide eyes,
“Of course you are.” I answer, Gabe has always been a soft guy, when his temper is under control.
“I mean, as long as...As long as I have you, I'm okay. As long as you love me, I'm fine. Yeah, I think I knew even then you were gonna be my wife.” He said and it’s my turn to look at him wide-eyed,
“Gabe, what are you talking about?” I ask as I can feel a cold sweat break out despite the cold weather,
“Shit, wait. Wait, hold on.” He says as he starts digging in his pockets and I start to shake a bit, I can’t handle this, I can’t do this, I can’t break his heart like this… I can’t hurt him.
“No, my... Gabe, what are you talking about?Please don't do this.” I pleaded softly, I prayed he wouldn’t do this to me, that he wouldn’t force me to rip my own heart out to hurt him. I watch as he gets excited as he looks down at the rind in his hand.
“This is how you’re supposed to do it, right?” He says as he takes a step back and gets down on one knee and looks up at me, I’m unsure of if his lips or hands are shaking more.
“No, don't...Don't do this, Gabe. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.” I beg as I feel my chest tighten, I can’t hurt him but I can’t help him.
“(YFN), will you marry me?” He asks, his voice is shaky but overall confident,
“Oh My God.” I cover my mouth with my hand as I stare down at him,
“Like not kid stuff underwater, but-but for real. Aboveground, in front of God and everyone else. I want to be your husband. P-please? Say something?” He says, he begins getting desperate towards the end and all I can do is stare at him,
“Gabe, you're not... I don’t think… I’m not the same person I was five years ago, I-I’ve changed.” I say gently, hoping to talk some sense into him,
“No. No, no, no. No, I just...I just need you.Just you.” He says as he stands, the ring still held out to me as he stares into my eyes and I look away, I can’t bear it. I can’t bear seeing the pain on his face.
“Gabe, No.” I say as tears begin to stream down my face, not being able to hold it in any longer.
“No, don't. Don't, don't, don't. Don't...Don't be like them. Just... Please.I just need...We can live forever.And be happy.” He begged and I sobbed, burying my face in my hands as hot tears dropped down my red face, one of his hands cupped my cheek, wiping away my tears and I push it away.
“No. I ca...I can't help you. You need...You need real help. You need doctors and you need medicine...and you need people who know how to help you. I don't know how to help you.” I explain and he shakes his head and holds the ring out to me again.
“But...But I love you.” He says and I feel as if I might pass out,
“I love you too that’s why I hate that I can’t help you.” I say and tears begin to stream down his face aswell, he is still clutching the ring tightly,
“I'm just...I'm so full of love.I just... I just need you to love me back.” He says softly and I shake slightly,
“I do love you, Gabe.” I say and he looks back up into my eyes,
“Then p-please… just say you’ll marry me… I’ll be good. I’ll be a good husband.” He pleads and my heart sinks lower.
I can’t.
I can’t
But I have too.
I need too.
Who else would love him as much as I do?
Who else wouldn’t just call the fucking cops?
“Gabe… I… fuck… i-if I agree to marry you. If we do this you have to take your meds… you have to continue getting treatment and help…” I say slowly, choosing my words carefully. Gabe nodded as he stepped closer to me.
“I-I swear… I promise… anything for you.” He says eagerly. I nod slowly and hold my hand out to him, he smiles widely and slips the ring on my finger before pulling me in for a kiss. I couldn’t stop myself from pulling him closer. The fabric of his sweater in a death grip between my fingers as I cry into the crook of his neck. I love him, I’m going to help him. It takes a while before we pull apart.
“See? I knew it… We’re going to be so happy.” He says, my face cupped in his hands and I smile softly up at him. We will need to work things out, we will need to call his family and let them know he’s safe and where he is, I’ll also have to plead for him not to be sent back to the mental hospital, but as of right now I’m here on a cold ass beach with the one man I’ve loved since childhood with his ring weighing down my finger as he embrace each-other, all the other problems can wait.
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Vox N$FW Alphabet
AN: yeah i never thought i would actually post on tumblr but boom here i am. sorry for shitty layout because i just want to pump my hcs out and get it done w/ kekw also i think i made him a bit more of an asshole than ppl usually do so sorrryyy maybe idk Pairing: Vox x GN! Reader Warnings: Sexual content, Top! Vox, Mild degradation, not sure what else idk A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Lets be honest, this dude would NOT do aftercare whatsoever. He'll just go take a shower or something (yes he's waterproof if you say otherwise you're wrong L + Ratio) and when you blankly stare at him like 'wtf bro' this dude will not catch on until you straight up tell him to help you out. Once you successfully got the dude to consistently do aftercare, he'll get you a towel and clean you up and shit.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) This man is a raging narcissist. Probably looks in the mirror, fixes his ugly ass bowtie and does twelve different practiced poses every morning to make sure the public knows he's fucking sexy. He probably loves every part of him besides his side profile, or maybe he would like it because it's 'sleek, modern, state of the art' or some technology bullshit. Loves his claws though. He'd probably be really into ass. Thighs too, but slightly less. I have no clue why but I am convinced he fucking loves legs and all of that. I think he'd like your expression too, mainly because he feels like a god knowing that he makes you feel like that. Don't do mirror sex if you want him to focus on you though, because he's looking at himself more than he's looking at you.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) It glows blue. Same shade as his claws and is electric. Don't put it next to fire, it'll burn the fuckin' tower down. Tastes mildly salty and has the same effect as pineapples where it feels like it's biting back. For body parts he likes to cum on, he probably would do it literally anywhere. Inside, on the stomach, on your face, ANYWHERE. Maybe not bukkake because he doesn't want it to get too messy and have to clean it up, that's too much work for a quick jizz.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Secretly finds you attractive romantically. Is it even a dirty secret? He'd just be too scared to do anything besides flirting and sex and shit for a long time. Maybe appeal to him enough and he'll take you on a completely romantic and sweet date that doesn't involve him blowing your back out afterwards. Christ, why the fuck is that somehow more appealing than having a one-nighter with him? Maybe I'm tweaking. Ignore this if you want. Go on and live your life with sweet husband Voxxy dookers buddy, I'm not judging too hard. Probably.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Pretty experienced. Unless you have some wild ass kink, chances are, he's probably smooth as fuck with it. Go wild.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Mating press. I originally thought I was just biased as fuck since I love the whole thought of mating press and shit, but apparently a good amount of people agree with me. He probably loves being close to you and mating press lets him fuck your brains out. Wants to be as deep as physically possible in you, and you're vulnerable to him and he's looooving it.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Definitely is leaning on the more serious side. If he's joking around, it wouldn't be in a 'haha funny' way, it'd be more of a condescending way where he's making fun of how pathetic you are. Or horny, or something along the lines of that. I feel like he'd do makeup sex, so if that's the case, I can assure you he is not cracking jokes. Maybe cracking your legs apart though. Fuck, that wasn't funny.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. No hair. He wouldn't grow hair there. Uh. Anyway, I don't want to have so little shit written here, so when he was alive, he probably was pretty well taken care of down there. I think a bit more hair than trimmed, but not the whole ass Amazon forest, ya get what I mean? Why the fuck did I say that? Okay. Regardless, I think of him being like dark brown hair when he was alive. Probably was a few shades darker on his dicky wicky cocky okay seriously I have to stop wtf
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) He'd be physically close to you, but if you're a one night stand, expect NOTHING emotional from him. Nada. Nothin'. On the other hand, if he was dating you or married or whatever your delusional ahh comes up with, he'd be just hardcore fucking you with a ton of horny ass compliments, but you'd be able to look into his eyes and just kinda tell he really loves you past all that horndog shit. Not really intimate sex for the most part imo, but if the both of you guys are in a shitty mood and it's not hate sex, he might say a few really sweet compliments and all that jazz. Fuuuuckkk I read that and he sounds kinda assholey (he is one though cope seethe /j don't get mad at me pwease) so if you're upset I half meant that in the 'he won't be bawling his eyes out during sex out of sheer love' way. Boom
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) He has cameras everywhere in Hell. Did you even think of the mere possibility that he's not jerking that shit constantly? Kidding. I feel like he'd be busy working a lot, but if you're not there to help him out after work and shit, he'd jerk it. Maybe a few times a week normally. If he had time and he was lonely though... Bro's going ham on his poor footlong. He has a lot of videos and whatever to look at. I think he'd thrive just off his imagination too.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Dry humping (receiving), Mild degradation (giving), Voyeurism, Shock play (giving, duh), Hypnosis (gee i sure wonder if it's giving or receiving woahhhhh /s), Power dynamic, I definitely have a lot more but it depends heavily on your relationship to him :p
L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Desk. Now. Besides that though, he's probably fine with a lot of places. I feel like he'd be somewhat against public or semi-public sex because it could make his reputation worse, but anywhere else is fine. His office isn't really risky because he knows when people are about to enter using his lil' cameras.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) A lot of things. Many, many things. For the most part though, if you tease him by wearing some revealing shit or acting like a bitch, he's getting a hard on.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Anything that puts him in a situation where he has little to no control. He's not willing to show that much vulnerability, no matter how well you know him. You can try domming, sure, but just know he has the full ability to do a 360.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Receiving. He'll occasionally do giving, but if you start calling him your submissive bitch or something, he'll spit and fucking leave. But regardless, he shoving his dick down your throat. Face-fucking is probably his favorite. Solid 6-7/10 in terms of skill, bonus points since his tongue is long.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Definitely rough like a good 90% of the time. The pace depends on his mood, but he'd go with medium to fast for the most part. Maybe slow if he magically has a break (That'll almost never happen. Poor dude loves his work so much, probably chronically online just because of how much time he has to spend with computers). Don't piss him off though, he doesn't have a speed cap on this type of shit. Random thing I wanted to add in, his typing speed is fucking insane. 300 something and higher when he's arguing on the internet. Would definitely participate in those arguments of who's the goat of sports or whatever. Also random flex but my typing speeds at like 200 wow I'm so cool everyone clap
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) He barely has time to do anything, so quickies a lot of times end up being the only option he has to get off. Hella often. He enjoys an occasional slow sesh, but speedruns are his go-to.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Hell fucking yes. Always willing to try new shit out as long as it's not too risky. If it won't destroy his company, he's down for it.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) This dude consumes more caffeine than humanely possible. He could probably go forever if it wasn't for his job, but he'd probably settle for 4~ rounds on a normal workday. If he's feeling excited though, expect more.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Definitely owns quite a bit. Probably only his company's products though, he wouldn't want to support other businesses. I don't think he's one to use them all that often since he'll normally just call you over to suck his dick, but piss him off and he'll shove a dildo in you and leave for a few hours, just to see how long you'll last.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) He's such a brat. Taunts and makes fun of you constantly. Poor you, he loves to see you overstimulated and sobbing your eyes out.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) I feel like he wouldn't be that loud himself, definitely some breathy groans and shit, but on the other hand... If you're not loud enough, he'll make sure you're screaming out his name until he's satisfied. Maybe a little glitchy sounds. Before he comes, he probably becomes a little staticky.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Willing to fuck you with his aux cords. Would find it fun as hell, especially he can shock you easier.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) I think some of you guys don't remember that this man is 7ft. If he was human, it'd probably be around 7 inches, but he's tall as fuck. Expect it to be 9 inches minimum and probably larger. Average girth with thick veins running down the side. Pretty sure I said a good amount about it earlier.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Insanely high because he's always pent-up while working. Gets hard from the slightest bit of teasing. I have no clue what to write, but I want to write more so he's the type to get hard when he's comfortable. Cuddle with him and he's probably hard just because he's feeling cozy and shit.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He'd sleep a few minutes later, depending on how much he trusts you. If he doesn't trust you much, he's leaving to a different room. If he likes you though, he'd just go nighty-night. AN: hope you enjoyed thanks like and follow for more banger content /hj
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shinjisdone · 10 months
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I saw you're doing requests and I do not request often but- Take this if you want?
Yandere! Link (Twilight Princess) (Romantic as I think he's an adult in the game? Sorry if not, been awhile. Platonic works too) with Female! Reader Scenario? (One of my fav games, lol)
Do what you want with it... idk what prompts to ask for :/
If you don't want to do this please tell me! I read the rules and picked something simple :) Take your time! 🐈‍⬛
😳 THE yandere-galore panther taking requests from me? Usually its the other way around haha
Prompts are not a must if you really don't know what you want, though I gotta admit I had to ponder a bit since the request has no specifications. Things are pretty general therefore but I had to add a few things to get creative. This turned out longer since I like to develop Yandereness especially - it's always interesting to see from where the sprout stems from and how it'll grow. Otherwise it feels too forced and sudden to me. Have been following for quite a while, hope you like this!
TW: Yandere behaviour, obsession, long pining, idolization, one-sided feelings, obliviousness, stalking, aggression, blood and killing
Yandere! Twilight Princess! Link Scenario with Female!Reader (Romantic)
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All your good deeds turned into sin, it seems.
Or at least some form of karma, but you didn't know enough about that to truly tell. It was just a gut feeling.
You are nothing but a wandering traveller. Knowledge of self-defense goes without saying, especially since the land of Hyrule turned so hostile over time. According to old legend a calamity is soon to approach, which only makes you yearn for serenity even more.
Ordon village sounds so tempting. Small and humble, the entire village feels nothing like the rest of the outside. The people certainly looked at you weird for deciding to stay here for a while - the most exciting thing to happen after all are raging goats!
Thus you were saved from one by a quick-witted, local fellow seemingly grappling with the animal before it calmed down and he offered you his hand. His light brown hair and deep blue eyes were welcoming and you took the offer.
"Thank you."
He said his name was Link.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
The children weren't as relaxed as the adults though. Even as their parents called out for them to help in the shop or with the goats, all four of them would stick close to you, each jumping to your side as they asked questions upon questions about 'the traveler lady!' The rest of Hyrule wasn't something they'd see or even hear from often. It was deemed as exciting to be able to go to the castle town to deliver some milk.
How is the town? Have you ever crossed that big bridge? Were you ever up at that Death Mountain? Can you catch bigger fish in that giant lake? Have you met the knights, soldiers and their princess?
All of these things were also asked by Link.
He bashfully admitted to being a regular country pumpkin as you sat beside each other by the river, fishing. He managed to please the kids with a promise to play as they finally left you alone. Rubbing the back of his neck, he couldn't hide the excitement on his face nor the stammer in his voice as you told him of your stories.
"The most exciting thing I'll ever do in my life is probably deliver that milk. Can't lie, I am lookin' forward to it..." He chuckled sheepishly. Shaking your head, you offered a smile.
"You should go out of the village more often. You're old enough now, I'm sure you'll grow to like everything you'll see and meet."
You smiled at him. It cheered him up, admittedly. You looking at him like that felt special too, perhaps because you weren't from here and encouraged him to go, even if it meant leaving the village and his goat-herding duties behind for a while.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
If only he never left.
Though for whatever reason that thing called it a lucky coincidence, a deal.
He ran back towards the forest, rushing by the familiar lake where the children went missing. It happened too fast and even though they adored him, looked up to him, he could barely realize what was happening before the world went dark and darker and darker.
His heart pounded against his ribcage, the shadow tailing after him in high speed which only made his panic grow more. How could this have happened? Where is everyone and are they still well?
His pants turned and echoed in a yelp - then a growl. He couldn't control it, it sank into his brain as he saw the glimmer of a blade shooting up this close to his face.
Gritting his teeth, his blue eyes shot up big. Frozen in place he looked up as the weapon was slowly withdrawn.
"...You don't have to be scared."
Link did not notice he was shaking.
Quickly he realized it was you, the 'traveler lady', as you kneeled down and took a good look at him. The young man was confused on how you kept calm as your hands gingerly grazed his fur. Your hands went down to his chained paw and a frown graced your face. "You poor thing. No wonder you are so terrified."
Link was hesitant but could not deny your guess.
Eagerly you tried to remove the chain, even if it did not affect him. Adamently working on it you suceeded even if it costed you time and tools...your gentle hands soothed the irritated skin with your own oilments that you carried.
"It's best if you don't go into the village. The children went missing...and the parents are distraught. You better go home to your own family, little one."
You gave one last pet and smiled as you returned to Ordon Village.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
You thought this would be last time you saw the curious wolf. Yet here he is, having trouble as he carried a wooden shield and hauling it through the dark. As the villagers investigated the strange sounds coming from him, you were quick to distract them. Swiftly hiding him behind a house, you ducked him down.
You ask him what he is doing here, take away the shield - which he fights against almost pleadingly - and shush him from the worried parents.
"Everyone's drowning in worry." You pet him up and down, whispering, "...I really hoped I could stay here for a while, get away from all this chaos outside. But even such a sweet village like this one gets attacked...kidnapping kids...and the Link fella is gone, too..." You trail off but try to smile as the wolf whimpers. Inhaling deeply and forcing a grin you drown him in pats and cuddles. "But don't worry...! I promised them to get the children back! I don't know where they are or where to start...but I'll get them back. I swear, Wolfie!" You laughed as you petted him more, which only made the animal grin. He had long sat down and listenend to your words.
Link was unsure if you were even real when he first saw you that night. The twilight blinded him as that Midna thing mockingly told him of the possible fate of his friends. The people, the spirits - they all whimpered as his sight, smell, touch and hearing changed. All that he knew was different and he might never turn back into the real Link.
You, this new and mysterious woman, were the only thing that seemed real to him. The blade you shoved into his snout, the paw you healed and your hands that combed through his fur - all of this were the only things that felt warm and familiar in this twilight. He hoped you'd be fine. If only he could turn back to his real self and help you. He'd feel better if he had you as a companion and not that shadow imp.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
Lake Hylia is grand, Death Mountain steep, and the castle town empty. It's strange to think that he is right here, seeing all the things you saw and encouraged him to. Though the circumstances turned out to be much more meaningful than a simple country pumpkin such as him could have ever imagined.
Midna was right, Hyrule is so close to its doom. All he wanted was to get back to the children and maybe meet you again as you were looking for them too. Though still as a wolf you left for your quest. And now here he is at Kakariko Village. Here to save the kids but to also have to climb Death Mountain first. It's what he as a 'chosen hero' has to do.
Still, he ignored Midna's request as his blue eyes wandered the dry and sandy place. Link found the children quickly and as they pointed to the an opening door, his face lit up. A familiar woman stepped out and he could see you squint your eyes in confusion while he ran up to you. Holding firmly on your arms you were first startled before the young man explained himself.
"Link? Oh, Link! I didn't recognize you, you're so green now!" You pointed out and he couldn't help but laugh. He told you of what happened and what he had to do.
"Are you sure you must? You went missing too, I mean you must be as confused as the kids. You don't have to force yourself if you were hurt as well." There was your concern again, the same one on that night. Even as he assured you, you offered to help but both of you decided that you stay with the children...even if he would have loved to have your company and spend some time together. He was sure you would be of great help and support.
"Well, Death Mountain is hot and dangerous but if you made it so far, you'll be fine. Might as well finally get to see it." You chuckled sheepishly, trying to lift the mood.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
He thought he'd be free from his curse already, the spirit said so. Promised him so but here he is back on all four paws with Midna dying on his back. His pants grew rapid, panicking as the shadow imp almost fell off when he acted to quickly and too carelessly.
What to do? Where to go? Midna is dying...and he is just some animal again! Stuck in this lake, in this desert! The night grows darker and the people more hollow. With a pounding heart he tried to sneak out of the Kakariko's cave first -
"Wolfie...?"
If it weren't for you again.
You knelt down to him as he anxiously turned his snout to his back. Carefully you took Midna, for who you mistook for some kind of baby. As you nervously tried to make sense of the situation, the wolf jumped at you, his eyes wide and bright with his paws on your shoulders as he barked and barked and barked. Please, please, please, do something as you did in Ordon. You have to, you must.
Link is useless like this.
"...Hey," Gingerly you cupped his cheek and wondered how a wolf could be getting misty-eyed. You wiped the fresh tears away. "Wolfie, Wolfie..." Whispering you lean his head against yours and onto your shoulder. You shush him as Midna lays on your lap, caressing his back as he ceased to shake. "You poor thing." Again, you said that again. Adjusting the creature on your lap, you wrapped your arms around the animal and nuzzled his fur. Your lips met his cheek and lingered there as you whispered; "You'll be fine. Everything's gonna be fine again, I promise you."
Link felt like crying again. You were the only one.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
Again, you were the only thing that seemed real as his existance as a wild animal.
Midna was the only one to talk to and her personality and motivation left a lot to be desired. She proved her heart was noble but that wouldn't deter her from her jabs. Link could only show his unrest through growls and yips, which she only brushed off with a roll of her eye and taps to his back to hurry up instead.
Even as he ran through the swamps and forest, the dead castle town and plateus, he could often sniff you from afar. Often you found yourself meeting up with the mysterious wolf and it was delightful after he got better. It was even more delightful for Link.
Whatever happened to the 'baby' was left as an enigma to you.
With a groan Midna would retreat into his shadow, mumbling how much time they are wasting again on his little, favorite human, as the wolf appraoched you with a wagging tail. Small recaps of your own adventures and a round of pats were always included.
You could be focused on a task at hand, fight off against monsters or ride through the meadow but the moment you noticed him you'd turn around and your lovely face would lit up. 'Wolfie!' You'd yell out and Link has grown to love no word more than this one. It felt a bit demeaning at the beginning but that just meant you always liked him from the start, right?
Liked him even while he is stuck in this hideous form. He didn't know how long he'd be stuck in there and if he will ever get his human form back, no matter how much Midna promised him, but at least, at least you were here. This wonderful woman with a smile that could rival the sun.
"You be careul on your way now, okay, Wolfie?" You chuckle as he barked in response, turned in a circle and jumped up on you again. His snout searched for your lips.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
You inhaled deeply. This must be...the third time now, if you aren't mistaken.
Castle town seemed dimmer and more hollow the last time you were here and while it was a firm reminder of how much you wanted to leave in the first place, something more sinister has entered this place recently and you can't shake it off. The town square is brimming with a hopeless crowd but you reckon you always hear a cheerful voice calling out to you. Often you find yourself turning around and seeing the image of a hand waving as green ghosts around and between the merchants. The calls seem to drown between the mumbles and even the bar, the one place still full of superficial but pleasant talks felt suffocating. As if entering the wide space was walking into a pair of arms squeezing you from both sides.
The woman behind the counter often raised her brow when you entered until one day she finally spoke up. Apparently somebody's been looking for their good friend, a beautiful gal and you fit the regular's description perfectly. From head to toe. With a worried tone that you couldn't hide, you told the barkeeper that you travel alone.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
Castle town became too asphyxiating, your gut feeling telling you to escape in a hurry to Kakariko village, to familiar faces. You still owed the Ordon elders the promise of returning their children unharmed, after all.
And so you did, pushing Colin out of the way and losing sight of the world as a monstrous goblin took ahold of you with the last thing you heard being aggressive galloping and your name screamed out.
Eyes shot awake as you tumbled to the ground, rolling away from the Elden bridge, coughing. Your arms were too weak as you shakily tried to sit up - the rest of the world blurry and dipped in twilight as more screams echoed about. Squinting, you turned around to see something akin to a giant boar falling down right after Link pulled his sword out of its abdomen. With a squishing sound the blinding blade was torn out of it, creating a bigger hole in its flesh. The cry was cut short as it fell to the ground and a pool of blood quickly tainted the rest of its body.
You let out a gasp and at the slightest sound, Link's ear twitched and he swiftly turned around, his face immediately morphing from a glare to a grin. Swinging the blood off his weapon, he rushed over to you and putting his sword back. He unwittingly created a small trail of blood after him. His bloodied arms shot out for you, supporting you as he sat you up. The young man started talking and gushing while you stared up at him, helplessly leaning on him while still beside yourself.
"...Link...?" "You're safe now." He instantly countered with a smile that was meant to reassure you. You swore his eyes were cold as he gave the final blow but now they are the softest you've ever seen. "I saw what you did, you saved Colin. That was so...amazing of you but you gave me a heart attack." Finally, you were able to slowly go back to your senses. "What? You weren't there..."
"Didn't you hear me call you?" You blinked and again, asked him what he meant. 'At Castle town', he grinned and said he saw you. You didn't hear him though. And when he arrived at Kakariko also you did not hear him.
"W-What...?" You let out but were shushed as your head was put on his shoulder. Closing his eyes as he combed through your hair and pressed you further into his body. "You'll be fine. Everything's gonna be fine again, I promise you." He shushed you again as you attempted to speak up and just nuzzled you.
It felt good to repay a favor, be the one who saved you this time. It felt just as good, if not a bit different, to have you in his arms, with him being your hero.
Not the other way around. Though he does not mind that.
»»————-  ————-««»»————-  ————-«
Colin's face soured as you explained yourself.
How could he not? A child that you promised to bring home watching you leave for an 'extended period of time' leaving all of Eldin to go to Ranelle. Far, far away.
The little tent you built yourself in the corner of Lake Hylia should be safe and hidden enough. Close enough for fish and far away from monsters. Yet just as you were about to lay down, you heard unusual bickering and turned around, only to once again meet green.
Letting out a yelp, you dropped your weapon in shock only for Link to bring his finger to his lips and shush you. He pointed to himself again and again that he was indeed Link. "What are you doing here?" You manage to let out as you calmed down, "I have to be here." He answered quickly yet you doubted that. "Why are you here? You just left and," He licked his lips, "I was worried about you!" He took a step closer before you could reply.
"It's dangerous to be alone out here. Especially for you, yer..." He couldn't help the grin, "You...you're a beautiful gal and it's best if you aren't alone...say, since we both are here, why don't we stick together? You offered me your help once and I always would have loved to have you with me for a bit..."
"How did you find me?" You took a step back and eyed your weapon on the ground. Link only looked confused. "I...saw you here on the way to the lake. It's easy to spot you." He chuckled sheepishly but you only shook your head and crossed your arms. "...No, thank you. I came here to...relax a bit. The recent events were...frightening."
"I can imagine," Once again his blue eyes softened and he neared you again, putting a hand on your cheek. He missed the way you twitched. "None of this is your responsibilty...yet you choose to help anyway. You're kind...and sweet as honey. That's so amazing of you." Link almost seemed mesmerized as his eyes narrowed. "But you'll have me...I can look out for you, I can protect you-"
"I won't go." You take his hand off your cheek and distance yourself again, finally having the courage to glare at him - in turn, he only looked more confused. "But why? You love Wolfie but when it comes to me, you vanish. Are you shyer around a human than an animal?" He tried to laugh it off even as he saw your face morphing into shock. Quickly you ask him with a stammering voice how he knows that but he seems to ignore it. "I am no different...you saved me a dozens of times! And I," He hesitates but lets it all go as he takes ahold of your shoulders, "I...I think I fancy you and I have been waitin' for so long to at least spend time with you! The only other times we see each other is when you don't understand me, when I'm just some wild beast!"
"But even then you seem like the only one who understood me, the only real one between all these ghosts! So, as payback, at least let me protect you...let me help you. We could be doin' this together."
Link wastes no time to shove you into his chest, into an embrace. He nuzzles your head and his lips met your temple. "I'll defeat the darkness and then we can see the rest of the world together, okay?"
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kneelingshadowsalome · 10 months
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ok tbh…fellow readers don’t kill me but i feel like konig is still using readr for sex…or like actually doesnt love her yk…like anyone can fill that role and she is cause there’s no other woman around 😭 IDK i can’t put my finger on it
Ok, this is a tricky one and I'm glad you asked! Because... (and I also hope my readers won't kill me for this) like I said in my answer to this ask, I profiled König as a sociopath. And I can and I will put my finger on it 🫠
The following are my thoughts on the subject & antisocial pd (otherwise known as sociopathy). I hope you read about this m. disorder if it interests you, pls do not take my words as gospel! I also wish to remind that this is fiction and I'm practically ready to bend the laws of physics if I have to, to force even the most disputable, unstable and corrupt of characters give and receive love because that's just my cup of tea. 🩷
First of all, sociopaths are typically viewed to be incapable of love and empathy. They use manipulation to get what they want. Being in a relationship with a sociopath is described to feel incredible and passionate one moment, and confusing and scary the next. If you know what's good for you, you wouldn't even want to be special to a sociopath.
Sociopaths themselves often claim they do love those selected few they respect, just not in ways "normal" people regard as love. And this, I think, is where it gets interesting.
The definition of love as unconditional, sacrificial and selfless care for another person is not a sociopath's definition of love. They might care about a tiny amount of handpicked people, to some extent. For a sp, love is when they refrain from harming those few they care for. That's pretty cold, right?
Still, sociopaths are not devoid of emotion even if the most common emotion they feel is rage. They are not narcissists even if they are manipulative, emotionally cold, and act entitled at times. There seems to be dispute over whether sociopaths feel empathy or not (psychos don't, they simply can't because of an impaired mirror neuron system). Their defense mechanisms consist of manipulation, extreme detachment and extreme impulsivity; it's been their only way to survive in a disorganized, unloving and unstable environment.
König is someone who has been neglected and abused, who has never been shown what love even means. Everything has been conditional. He's lived in constant fear and anxiety; he has never had a loving or a stable father, his mother practically denied the abuse he had to suffer by not intervening, he has never had any friends (like he says himself in ch. 1), has only ever received attention through fear and disgust. The only dream he had in this life, the only possible redemption arc, so to say, went to shit.
It's not anyone's job to fix this kid, sure. But when, from where, or from who would he have learned to love?
When reader comes along, she shows kindness to him, forgives his trespassings over and over again, and chooses to trust in him even when afraid. If we only talk in terms of sociopaths/manipulators and their victims, then yes, this is a horrible setting, because it is the perfect setting for abuse.
And it's true: there is no one else around. All the yearning and thirst and starvation is immediately projected onto the first and only person who finally shows him some kindness, even after all his drastic shortcomings. So she isn't "special". But in a way, she's more than special: she's world shiftingly, groundbreakingly special 😐
What we know is this: König asks if he is harassing her and if she wants him to stop. He vows multiple times he would never hurt her. He assaults someone who, in his mind, mistreats her (and who reminds him of a person who mistreated him and his mother when he was a kid), leaves reader eventually alone when she shows signs of not forgiving him/wanting him in her life anymore.
These are all toxic breadcrumbs, and this whole setting is unhealthy and problematic. A sane and cynical person would say that this is manipulative and abusive. A sensitive, overly compassionate person might say this is a sociopath's only way to love.
Reader may not have been special when she first came into König's life. He saw her as a plaything first, but can you blame a touch-starved man for trying to get some intimacy? König doesn't trust anyone, doesn't know how to give or get comfort other than through sex, so of course he would opt for sex first. (Also, let's be real: who would suffer this kind of man if he wasn't so hot? No one, for goodness sakes)
The connection that blooms afterwards, I imagined and wrote as real, no matter what or who he is (because I'm a naive romantic at heart 🥰). He's not a green flag man by any means, but he's trying his best (which will never be enough). Had I wrote him a psychopath, the story would have been way more darker, and even the minimum amount of empathy and true love that is, at times, present in this fic, would not have been there at all.
König also sacrifices himself for reader at the end of the last chapter. A through-and-through sociopath would not perhaps deem it in their best interest to go that far, even if the "gains" were abundant (reader's deepening attachment and eternal gratitude). This is why this particular scene is important, because it poses the question: is he really a sociopath? Why would he do this? Because at this point, reader is indeed very goddamn special :D
I'd also like to entertain the question: how special is König to reader? I mean, don't we all just want to take these broken men like Ghost and König home and "cure" their sadness by giving them some— ahem, *gunshots*, this was a little off topic, but you get the idea. Savior complex is real, too!
If König is ever diagnosed with APD, reader would probably educate herself and find that sociopaths cannot love, and they cannot change because there is no cure: the damage is already done. These people will only use and abuse those who don't get out of the relationship. She would also find that there are sociopaths who are still in touch with their families, who have kids and partners and who have learned to "behave" for the sake of their loved ones. Either because they actually care or because it serves their interests (of being loved? Don't we all want to be loved?).
Again, this is fiction. I don't wish to justify this character's actions nor condone this kind of abusive behavior (should go without saying but perhaps it's best to state it at least sometimes to be clear ❤️). Nor do I want to condemn the reader for having feelings and empathy for this big, abused wreck. And the reason why I can't give you a clear answer on this is because there is none :')
If you people have thoughts on this, something you wish to share, I would love to hear and chat and just…*pls* this is such an interesting topic! Don't be shy 🩷🤗
(Also pls don't kill me)
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brain-rot-central · 22 days
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Good morning, I'm having mushy personal thoughts
I was throwing around the idea of a possible oneshot/other long fic with Mia the other day. Like Tav/Astarion as adventurers but the events of the game never happened. They're lifelong friends and A just happens to be a vampire with a shitty backstory as to how it happened. But he's like all well adjusted to it now and uses it to his advantage etc
And then Mia suggested something like "hey you don't have to make this BG3 related, it can be actual fiction. You write really well. You don't have to box yourself into just BG3"
And I went
"oh"
I guess it's my imposter syndrome acting up whenever someone says something like that but I'm still in the mindset of like "nah my writing isn't good enough to post on AO3" which is why the majority of my library is here on Tumblr. I don't feel like I belong there; AO3 is only for the really good people. Which I am not. At least to me. And I don't mean to be disrespectful of the grace and the support I've been given by this community; it's all entirely received and I feel it and I cherish it. It's just challenging to change that sort of mindset. But I'm trying.
I would probably never think to actually try writing professionally but tbh I'm at the point where thinking about doing my current career full-time until I'm like 70 makes me extremely depressed so idk I guess now would be a good time to try?
I had a thought the other day too after our discussion where I used to feel a certain kind of way in my 20s, like a whole mess of creative energy all vibrating at the same time and I would try my best to keep it locked in a box and contained and never let it slip out because why bother allowing your creative side to flourish? You didn't choose that path in life. Ignore it, it's not to your benefit. And I would get extremely sad about it and just sit there and go "idk why I'm so sad I should be happy"
And idk it made me really emotional thinking about it because that's what those feelings were. And I remember how creative I used to be in my teens and then over the course of my 20s I just shoved it further and further into a box and kept adding chain after chain over it, effectively trying to suffocate it because I didn't choose it as my career path so it has no use to me. Like literally just trying to kill off that part of me because it doesn't help with efficiency. Turning myself into a machine, essentially.
And now that I'm writing again it's like taking the chains off and allowing the box to pop open every once in a while and idk I feel really fulfilled. It's made me realize just how much of myself I've had to (or forced myself to) sacrifice over the last 10ish years and yeah. It's just nice to reconnect with this part of myself again.
I just wanna thank everyone again for their support. It means so fucking much to me.
Signed,
The girl who hides in the corner because she's told herself she can't hang with the cool kids.
Thanks for lending your hands and showing me otherwise.
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steelthroat · 2 months
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Can you write a funny little TFA MegOP thing where they're already together. Lets say cuddling in their berth, and suddenly Optimus has a thought.
"How did we even get together?"
"Hm?"
"No, I'm being serious. How did it happen? You are.. were? A war criminal. I put you in jail. How are we together right now?"
"..."
------
LIKE. IDK IT WAS FUNNIER IN MY HEAD. SO EITHER 1. Some otherworldly being (a fanfic writer) manipulated them and the world around them. Making them be together. But now the writer is gone after giving them their happily ever after.. But the characters revert back to how they were in cannon. Vaigely knowing what allowed them to get to this point, but not really understanding anymore how or why?
Or 2. Optimus forgot and wants Megatron's pov on how they got together. Either way, I know that even if you write little for this, it will still be hella entertaining :3
Ooooooh that's such a nice and cool idea tho! sadly, I'm not taking requests since I'm an INCREDIBLY slow writer, and life is also getting in the way ahahahah
Believe me, I would have done in other circumstances, and this idea has a LOT of potential! I am a sucker for the "how did we even end up here???" trope too, but you would either have to wait a long(immense) amount of time ahahah.
Hey if you want to write it yourself I could give you a couple ideas or advice if you'd like :3, otherwise I'd say see if there are other writers who take requests or commissions, I could redirect you to a couple of them :)
For now I can at best give you this little drabble for the second idea since it's really cute:
~~~~~~~~~~
"It just happened"
"Wake up" Megatron felt someone flicking at his nose and then shaking him when the action gave no response.
"Wake up!" This time that someone went for the helm, the bang of the collision rang in the otherwise quiet room.
"What?" Megatron opened one optic and glared at his disturber, Optimus Prime.
"How did we end up together?" He asked with an almost accusing expression
"Huh?" What did he even mean by that
"You heard me" Optimus scoffed
"What like... you don't remember?" He started going back with his own memory banks and backups, He would have been more worried about Optimus apparent amnesia if he weren't struggling to find an answer to that absurd question.
"Do you?" Optimus crossed his arms
Megatron stayed silent for a while... he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment they had become a thing. Centuries, no, millennia of circling around one another after signing the peace treaty, spending more and more time together, fighting, bantering, provoking each other, speaking about personal topics, binding while annoying each other to death had, at some point, led them to fall in berth together.
They had kept falling into each other's berth since then... and now they were here.
So there wasn't really an answer to that question, not a typical one at least.
Megatron cleared his vocalizer "I... I guess it just happened" he answered at last.
Optimus seemed to reflect on this answer before humming "are you happy with this?"
Megatron though about it, he really was, sure there were invisible limits they never actually crossed but at this point they lived like a conjunx couple, minus the status and the spark merging... but Meagtron found the though of Sharing his spark with Optimus not to be as dreaded as he anticipated... he almost- longed for it.
"Yeah..." he said smiling softly and bringing the smaller mech closer to him "a lot" and his servos started shifting over his lover's frame delicately almost in worship.
"Do you want more?" The question could be interpreted in two different ways and Megatron wanted to answer yes to both.
"When it comes to you I always want more" he answered looking at Optimus, his lover's gaze was so bright and full of love he felt like it would melt the metal of his frame.
"I... also want more. Everything." he whispered with his lips ghosting over Megatron's.
Megatron closed the distance between them and kissed him. "And you will receive it"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you like it, it's incredibly short :)
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moonfungers · 1 month
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this is sort of random as hell but i can't help but think of like. a funger termina isekai fic. 💀 no but like. FEAR AND HUNGER IS THE WORST universe to be inside, really. it's all misery!!! pain!! suffering!! and i'm just picturing this like, regular person gets transported into the universe and just absolutely loses her shit bc she KNOWS, she KNOWS DAMN WELL exactly how she's screwed, far better than anyone else!! she's played the games dozens and dozens of times, died so many times, and now she's IN that setting, she's in that world, and death is now PERMANENT with REAL stakes. she knows the entire game like the back of her hand, but what does it matter, bc it's fear and hunger. there's only so much knowledge that can help you . .
in my head, in a lot of isekai fic and stuff, ocs tend to like, hide the fact that they know things? but i feel like a modern-day oc who gets transported into fear and hunger would be forced into a position where she has to be honest bc its the best chance of survival. this isn't a game where she can just follow the right steps, recruit the people, get them to do the things, this is now real and dangerous and terrifying, and she knows that she can't do it alone.
and i'm just picturing like. d1, she wakes up before everyone else, loses her shit, and then promptly refuses to let ANYONE leave the train. no no but like, also can you picture what im seeing, this woman just pacing back and forth frantically, very clearly losing it, and she's like "you fuckers are not going ANYWHERE, we are all traveling TOGETHER, bc you all do not understand how much danger we're in" and then the others are like, you know, the train just stopped, weird dream, they haven't even been to prehevil yet so they don't know how fucked up everything is over there, and now this random stranger is just losing her shit, they don't take her seriously bc honestly who would, and so she just. she just starts fucking putting them on blast
"o'saa i know you went into the dungeons and nasrah's with you" "pav you will SIT your motherfucking ass down, you do not stand a chance against the fucking kaiser and it isn't even the REAL one you fucking idiot"
"levi i know youre going thru like. withdrawal right now and its totally ok and we have a doctor here and i will get you some heroin if i need to but like please dont run off where i cant find you"
and just basically knows stuff she absolutely shouldn't know, and she's like "YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME BC OTHERWISE WE WILL LITERALLY ALL DIE, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND. there is only ONE way to guarantee us to live and im telling you this bc i know how screwed we are and i cant do it alone ive never even held a fucking weapon in my entire LIFE i just play video games at home-" and also how fucked up is it, that this isekai oc would know damn well that no matter what, someone has to die? like. you either kill everyone else and like get sulfurized/escape, you get moonscorched bc you run out of time, or someone has to become one with logic. aka to get the best "everyone lives" run, someone still needs to die
idk my brain just had this pop into my brain and won't let it go. it'd like, a cliche trope ofc, but i feel like in the context of fear and hunger, it'd be just so horrifying and awful and so WONDERFUL to read
bc its like, fear and hunger is a game series that we know damn well is a horrible like, UNIVERSE to be in, its depressing and awful for the characters who live in it, but can you imagine the ripe ANGST of having an isekai oc from our world go into it? they have our world as a reference point, in the way none of the other characters do, bc this is their world, they don't know anything else, how could they? but this isekai oc would just be so fucking-- innocent in the way the others aren't, bc she hasn't lived through the horrible F&H world and like, the dynamic there is so so interesting too bc all of the characters in termina, all of them on that train are AWARE or have been involved/done bad things, and this here is a character who hasn't, who hasn't seen blood or misery for her entire fucking LIFE. she'd be an "everyman" character by our standards, you know, but by their standards? she'd be such a fucking anomaly with the shit she says, the things she believes in. and also, you know, the fact she knows things about all of them and the situation they're in she has absolutely no right to know and its so SO interesting to think about, actually?? like genuinely losing my mind thinking about this rn
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