Love the way that I'm so sick I want to die but I still have to go to school even though last I check most doctors didn't recommend that

Heeeey, semi-insipred/totally inspired by "As the World Caves in" can you do a story that involves Alastor going after that one last killer he hadn't got yet. Like alot of serial rapist-murders, they have a type they go after. Maybe Alastor's fiance is exactly 100% the type, and he starts noticing a new car in their neighborhood and a new seemingly friendly face in their lives that seems to be VERY interested in his fiancé, but mostly he is just seen walking a dog and from gossip might be the new bf of a neighbor (who doesn't fit the type). Nothing OBVIOUSLY suspicious to your averge person but maybe not Alastor.

Maybe they can be kind of a foil to Alastor where Alastor in his own twisted way has a nobel cause of trying to stop extremly dangerous crime by killing criminals that the cops aren't getting either on purpose or theoufh incompetence.

Maybe the serial rapist murder also thinks they have a nobel cause thinking they are "saving women from this terrible world." Or whatever idea that they got in their head to justify their wants. Maybe just some guy. Crooked cop knowing how to dodge the system. Ifk.

Idk, I'm messy and here for the DRAMA!

Ooooo~ Some of you wanted mooooooore. Lol.

Coming Apart

As The World Caves In

Human Alastor X Human Reader Oneshot

Warning!⚠

⚠ she/they for reader, mentions of hunting, blood/gore(discriptive injuries), fluff/angst, food mention-breakfast, hinting at the start of cannibalism, stalking, attempted rape, murder, blood!, bad dog owner, reader gets their hands dirty, self defence ⚠

Being engaged to Alastor is very much like being partners in crime.

It is never boring.

Instead, its quite exciting and unexpected at times. Sometimes its good but sometimes it could also be bad.

Like right now.

.

It was late at night.

Only students working on papers or assignments are up at this hour. Thankfully with blasting music, headphones or not.

You were up waiting.

Alastor was out on one of his "deer hunts", you like to call it. Only because you found antlers mounted in his dorm when in college and thought he hunted them.

It gave a good cover for his occasional late night outings.

The hour was way past twelve, quiet in the apartment save for the ticking from your antique mantle clock sitting on the windowsill.

Outside was a different story.

Modern times have a more active night life, and cars pass by now and again. Not too often.

Thank god I don't live on a main street.

You thought, scrolling through images on your phone. Trying to ease the multiple worried thoughts swarming in your mind.

He was late.

Later than usual. Both of you had a long talk about how to carry out his "hunting" properly to ensure it did not disturb nature too much.

It was still bothering you.

He's late.

Then you notice that you've started bouncing your leg in place, and your thoughts keep spiraling.

Finally, there's a sound by the door.

Practically jumping up, you rush over and check the peep-hole, seeing him looking down the hallway and leaning over a bit.

Opening the door quickly with a smile, it shifts into a gasp. "Alastor!", you end up saying in shock instead of happiness.

He's holding himself up by leaning his hand on the doorway, his other hand is red and pressed up against his abdomen. "Hello darling..", he gives you a wobbly smile. "I'm home."

"Get inside, quick!", you whisper shout and pull him carefully.

He hisses in pain but follows you inside the apartment, not going too far. Moving to the wall, he slides down against it to a sitting position in the entryway. Letting out a few more noises of pain when you peel away his hand and shirt from his wound.

"Al.. Al honey, we have to get you to a hospital.", you manage to not stutter out.

"No-what? No. Then they'll ask how I got stabbed.", he says and moves your hand away with a sound effect to go with it. "Pssshh."

"And that tells me how much blood you've lost.", you say as you call an ambulance.

Both of you end up learning more first aid so this doesn't happen again, and so there is no suspicion.

At least it was never boring. Both of you hate being bored.

❇

Weekend mornings are Alastor's favorite.

Because every weekend morning starts off with music.

"Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful~", he sings and dances with his fiancé in the kitchen.

"Don't forget to flip the pancake.", they say and give a quick kiss, that turns into a slightly longer one.

Flipping the pancake quickly, he goes back to them to continue dancing.

"And everything that I do is out of lovin' you~", he hums the rest.

The radio continues to play the song as the two prepare breakfast.

Coffee is almost done and mugs are set out, plates are on the counter nearby the stove, and the table has a vase full of flowers that were picked from yesterday's grocery shopping.

Yes, everything should be perfect..

But why does this look lacking?

Alastor thinks as he stares down at the plate he is putting food on, which has scrambled eggs, toast and sausages.

"And every day my life is filled with lovin' you~", she sang while pouring coffee into the mugs.

Shaking the thought out of his head, he finishes up serving the food and takes the plates over to the table.

"Darling, do we have anything planned for today?", he asks as he sets the plates on the table and pulls out the chairs.

"Hmm.. I don't think so.", they say, making their way to the table with the mugs full of coffee. "I'd like to go thrift shopping though, we can try finding that old radio you wanted.", they say placing the mugs on the table.

"I quite like that idea. Let's do it!", he agrees with a smile.

The two sit down to eat and talk about what else they might buy.

Its a week later that his fiancé notices a new face in the neighborhood.

"Do we have a new neighbor?", they ask while looking out the window, but staying near the wall to be out of sight.

"A new neighbor?", he asks and makes his way over, standing next to them and also taking a look.

There's a man sitting at the bus bench on his phone with a dog leash in one hand. Odd thing is that a dog is nowhere to be seen.

"Do you think someone was dog sitting for him?", she asks.

"Perhaps, but we can't be too sure.", he says. "Let's go back to planning love. We're almost done with all of the food options."

"Don't forget the sweets table.", they say and head back over to the couch.

"How can I forget your sugar addiction.", he says with a light laugh and follows behind them.

"At least I know you won't steal my treats."

.

A few more days pass and the stranger is still hanging around the apartment complex. Not liking the odd vibes he gives off, Alastor visits an elderly neighbor that both of you like to call Grandmother.

He knocks on the door, holding a pie his love baked before heading off to work.

The door opens, revealing an old woman with white hair and wearing a purple dress, with a small pink flower broach pinned on their off white cardigan.

"Alastor, what a surprise.", the old woman smiles.

"Hello Ms Rosie, how are you today?", he offers a smile back.

"I'm doing well dear, come in!", she says and opens the door wider, walking to the living room. "Where is that lovely fiancé of yours?"

"They had to go to work today, one of the people called in sick.", Alastor answers and closes the door behind him before following the woman.

"Would you like tea? I just made some cinnamon tea.", Rosie now makes her way into the kitchen. "Set the pie down on the coffee table."

He sets down the pie like asked and sits down on the couch, knowing the woman would make a slight fuss if he didn't.

Rosie comes back with two mugs of tea and hands one to him before sitting down on the other end of the couch. "How are you dear? Anything interesting to tell me?"

"I'm doing well, nothing too interesting but my fiancé and I went to a few antique stores last weekend.", he says with a fond smile, remembering when they got excited over finding a 1930s typewriter.

"Oh how lovely, was there nice jewelry or tea sets?", she asked.

"There was a good amount of tea sets but most of them were incomplete. We managed to find you something that you might like.", he says before taking a sip of the tea, burning his tongue in the process.

Too soon. He thought with a small sigh.

"How sweet of you both. I'll make you both something to wear. Do you like sweaters?", Rosie continues to talk about different kinds of sweaters she could make for them.

"We both like sweaters, I'll visit again soon and let you know what kind with my fiancé.", Alastor says and puts the mug on the coffee table. "I wanted to ask if you know something about that strange man sitting on the bus bench across the street with a dog leash. He looks about like he's in his late thirties."

"Hm.. Yes, that man came into the building once. Asking to put up some missing dog flyers. Don't understand why he's just sitting on the bench. Maybe he's just waiting for someone?", Rosie says, mumbling the last bit. "Well, the other women say he might be a boyfriend of some young girl living in the apartment. Of course its just a guess."

"Hmm. I see.", he hums.

"Why do you ask dear? Did that man cause trouble?", Rosie asks.

"No, just surprised by the new face.", Alastor flashes a smile.

Before leaving the old woman's apartment, she gives him some red tea.

The next day both he and his fiancé are walking to the car when the strange man walks over.

"Excuse me, have you seen this dog around?", he asks them and holds up a flyer.

"No.", Alastor says after taking a glance at the picture.

The dog looks fluffy and has a bandana around its neck, but the image is terrible and you can barely tell what kind of dog it is.

"What about you miss?", the man then asks them, taking multiple steps forward.

"No, sorry.", they shake their head, taking a hold of Alastor's arm.

"We'll keep an eye out.", Alastor says quickly taking the flyer and the two keep walking. "Are you alright love?"

"Yeah, that guy just got too close.", they say.

That night, he looks up a list of stalkers and assaulters online. Only falling asleep after remembering that he has work tomorrow.

During work, there was an uncomfortable feeling in his gut.

When it hit five, he gathered his things quickly and left the radio station. The drive back home was a little annoying due to traffic, but he got there earlier then he usually does.

Then his phone rang.

Picking up the phone after seeing it was her, he let out a small sigh of relief.

"Hello darling. I just got home, so-", he started.

"Hey Red, remember that guy that kept sitting on the bench across the street? He- he followed me to work today.", they say shakily. "He had flyers like last time but he's been outside the building since putting some up."

"I'll be there. Stay on the phone with me and tell your boss the situation.", Alastor says quickly and gets ready to head out.

"Ok.."

When he gets there its dark, only the street lamps, a few stores, and cars passing by are giving off lights. The phone call ended when he said that he was around the corner.

Getting out of the car and running over, Alastor heads inside the building they work in and asks for them.

"You're their fiancé right?", the woman, who he assumes is your boss asks.

"Yes, are they ok?"

"Yeah, but the guy is still around. I'm going to need you to "buy" something while they sneak out. That ok?", she asks.

"Yes, that's fine. I don't care.", he says and gets a few bags of candy in the front.

Then he sees them walk out to the front.

"Hey.", they wave.

"Thank goodness you're ok.", he sighs and pulls out his wallet and keys. "Take the keys while I pay, the car is nearby. You have it yes?"

"Yeah.", they nod and take the keys, then look over to their boss. "I'll head out now."

"Walk out with Anthony and be careful.", the woman says as they head to the back. "The candy is for them isn't it?", she says as she scans the items.

"They eat candy while at work don't they.", he says with a chuckle.

After getting everything, he heads back to the car and sees that they've made it inside safely.

She unlocks the drivers side when seeing him walk up.

Opening the door, Alastor gets in and passes them the bag of candy, locking the door quickly after closing it. "How are you feeling love?", he asks while starting the car.

"Uh, a bit terrified to be honest.", she says and takes out sour candy. "Thank you for the candy."

"Let's go home.", he says.

Both of them keep an eye out for any cars that might be following them. And to be extra safe they don't turn on the lights when entering their apartment.

❇

After that, you called the police but of course nothing was done about it. They only said that they'd keep an eye out.

It was unsettling.

That guy knew where you lived and where you worked.

Seeing your uneasiness, Alastor suggested that both of you get away for the weekend and rent a cabin.

"We'll have Rosie come by and house sit for us so it looks like we're still here. I'll rent a car and we can go up to that mountain you told me about so much.", he holds you close, pulling you into a dance.

"Really? We can go anywhere, it doesn't have to be-", you started but were shushed with a kiss.

He pulls away with a smirk.

"Yes darling, you love it up there and you can show me all of the little shops you've explored, like that Little Dandelion bakery.", his smirk softened into smile as he lifted his hand up to caress your cheek. "I want to see you smile up at the trees again."

You hid your blushing face by resting your head on his chest with a soft huff. Alastor chuckles and continues to sway you in place, kissing the top of your head.

Rosie came to your apartment with her knitting tools and measuring tape the next day, a Friday evening. She had a book on patters for sweaters, yarn rolls almost spilling out of her bag.

"I'll take your measurements before you head out, go through the book if you want something specific.", the old woman said placing her things down on the coffee table.

It didn't take long before you both went out through the back of the building, going to the rental car that Alastor got. You helped put some of the bags in the trunk before he stopped you.

"Don't bother with this love, get in the car and lock the doors until I'm done.", he kissed your forehead.

"Ok.", you nodded and went into the passenger side.

Once finished, he joined you in the car and began driving. Both of you didn't know that the man had taken note of all the licence plates in the area.

The drive was peaceful, just an hour and a half away. You held the map on your phone as the car passed by familiar grassy hills and the old church ruins. At some point you both got off the car to get snacks and stretch your legs.

Driving up the mountain, you were beaming when the car drove through a cloud.

"I hope it rains, it's so pretty and smells nice in the rain.", you commented.

Soon both of you arrived and you told him to park near the shops.

"The restaurants are nearby, so we don't have to walk that far.", you explained.

Alastor smiled as you dragged him from shop to shop, and even praised the food from one of the restaurants that you took him to. The last stop was at the bakery you favored.

He took the orders while you found a spot to sit outside.

Paying for the sweetbread and coffee, he also got you a small pie. It didn't take long for the drinks to be ready and they quickly gave the baked goods.

Now I see why they like it here so much. Good service. He thought before stepping outside and looking for you.

But you weren't anywhere to be found.

"Darling?", he placed the items on a nearby table and looked around the area.

You would have told him if you were going somewhere, he knows that you would have waited for him. Something was wrong. Where were you?

Looking at the woodland floor, Alastor quickly went into hunting mode. It was quite easy to pick out shoe prints as the dirt was still damp from the morning rain. He knew your shoe size and the pattern on the bottom of your shoe, because you added little hearts to make markings with every step you took.

He found the little prints, but what had him more alert was the signs of struggle.

Someone had forcefully dragged you away.

Quietly, he followed the prints and soon found you pressed against a tree with a man covering your mouth.

"Don't you see I had to save you?", the man said as he tried to undo your pants.

"Mph!", you clawed and punched to get out of the gross thing's hold, effectively scratching the man's face till it bled.

"STOP FIGHTING ME!", he shouted and threw you on the ground.

You hit your shoulder on a rock which made you yelp in pain.

Alastor used this moment to tackle the man.

"YOU FUCKING PIG!", he growled and started beating the man in the face. "HOW DARE YOU! YOU NASTY, LOATHSOME-!"

"ATTACK!"

There was a loud bark and then before he knew it a dog was trying to maul him.

"Get off you beast!", Alastor tried his best to throw the dog off but it just kept biting and ripping his jacket.

He was angry.

At the man and at himself.

How could he have ignored everything else? He should have noticed there was a mutt. But in that moment all he saw was red. He couldn't let that man lay another hand on you.

"Argh!", he yelled as the dog bit his leg. "You little shit!", he kicked the dog.

It took longer than he would have liked but he knocked the dog unconscious.

Alastor dragged himself to lean on the trunk of a nearby tree. Arms and legs firing up with pain, him barely able to move an inch before the burning flared up again.

"AAAAHH!"

He heard his love scream out.

Finding her and the disgusting man near the other side of the trail, he sees that they've taken the upper hand and pulled out their sharp pair of scissors.

Ah, its Mr. Stabbington.

"STAY STILL YOU BITCH!", the man yells, grabbing her by the neck and trying to choke her. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR!?", he rolled them over until he was back on top.

"L-LET GO OF ME!", you coughed before stabbing him in the neck.

.

Blood splattered and dripped onto your face as the man looked down at you in shock, his face staying frozen that way as he dropped.

You shivered in disgust as the body pressed against you, feeling how aroused the creep was when you moved your leg to kick his lifeless body off. Not sparing another glance at the body, you quickly turned to rush over to your lover's side.

"Alastor!", you cried, throwing the scissors as you stumbled over, kneeling down by his side to look over his wounds. "Oh god, you're bleeding so much-!"

The dog had left bite marks and gashes, his blood starting to sink into the soil.

"I-I'll call the local police and-and an ambulance will get here!", you took off your jacket and covered him before shakily taking out your phone. "Fuck!", you shouted at the no signal.

He called your name softly and held onto one of your hands. "I'm going to be ok, just go to the cafe and bring help."

"I don't want to leave you here.", you sniffed, and pulled the chain of your necklace, a whistle at the end of it. "I'll use this and shout but I'm not leaving your side."

Your love nodded and let you do what you wanted.

"You look beautiful in that shade of red."

It only took a few minutes before someone had come to help.

"HOLY SHIT!", the person yelled and ran over.

Local police arrived and the clinic vehicle as well, you told the police the summary of what happened before promising to tell the rest after Alastor was taken care of.

You got into the back of the clinic van and held onto your love's hand whenever you could.

He would be ok.

He had to be ok.

This took me a while but yay. More human Alastor. There will be more✨

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

@willowaudreykeyes @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @scary-noodlesblog @kiraisastay @c4rved-pumpk1n @stolas-thebirb @biromanticboba @pooplyface1423 @naelys-the-aster @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @repentant-repeller @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @+?

So I've been finding this place

Not a real physical place but a place in my mind or my mood maybe idk soul really idk but when I get the there it's amazing it normally happens when I go out and do stuff as I've been alot more active recently I even dud some running and very public dancing it was a blast and yeah I danced like no one was watching because fuck them I don't have to give a shit if some random person is bothered by me dancing on the side walk going home I was vibin and hey maybe that helped someone vibe too all I really know is that going out and doing things is cool and I should have been doing this for a long time

Gods it hits me often what an awful person I've been to some of the people around me and so for all of you mother fuckers who may or my not ever see my shit I'm sorry dudes I'm sorry for being an asshole who didn't want to communicate and I know I hurt alot of yall and thats not cool. I can't fix it its in the past and alot of it so far in the past its a situation thats done and gone and for the more recent things I'll do what I can

My moods are good some times bad some times but I'm learning how to be human still and I wanna keep doing that i don't wanna be perfect no more although I feel like I gotta be I also know I don't want that so I guess i wanna offer everyone something I'm a gift giver at heart so I wanna give you my time my energy and I mostly wanna give you guys knowledge that I'm not gonna be perfect I'm just gonna try my best

Xoxo you fucking babys I loves ya have a great day and burn bright and live long because you are beautiful

Yes you the person who is reading this I love you and I think your beautiful keep it up your doing great xoxo

Dilucxreader and kaeyaxreader hc’s

Let me start off by saying: THIS IS NOT KAELUC,,, I DON’T SHIP THEM AND IF YOU DO STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME. 

with that out of the way, let’s get into some hc i have about everyones favorite siblings!

some of these may be a little NSFW, but for the most part they should be SFW.

Diluc is gentle with it where as Kaeya can go rough or be gentle. 

Diluc is a dom, and a very good one at that. 

Neither of them are straight, Diluc gives me closeted Bi vibes, Kaeya is definitely Pan & Proud(TM) (Kaeya’s reasoning is “if you catch my eye, you catch my eye”)

Diluc also gives me confused about his gender vibes, so I’m thinking that once when he was little he tried on a dress and loved it so much he wore it for like three days straight, his father was a little concerned but figured it wouldn’t hurt to let the boy have his freedom while he could. Kaeya got in on it and the maids ended up requesting tailored dresses for them. 

Kaeya often wears dresses, he loves them. 

This is also one of the reason they keep their hair long, that and for their s/o’s to braid n such. 

speaking of braids, Diluc is a MASTER braider, but kaeya can’t so much as do a fishtail, my guy couldn’t sit still long enough for that. 

Diluc’s idea of a date is taking a stroll (or carriage ride) through the hills and cliffs of mondstadt at night. 

Kaeya’s is kinda similar but he’ll take you via horse back, but he has a specific destination in mind. (probably dawn winery to steal wine from diluc) 

Diluc may hate the wine industry but my man learned all the secrets to the trade and make a KILLER cocktail (idk anything ab alcohol pls) 

Kaeya loves giving his s/o and friends piggyback rides, idk but I feel like that’s his form of PDA lol

Diluc HATEEESSSS PDA, at most he’ll hold your hand but anything else is a no go

diluc adopts diona. no i do not take criticism, he saw how Draff treats her and stole his child right out from under his nose. with the promise to Diona that he’d cut off her father from a supply of wine the best he could. He also beats the absolute FUCK out of those creeps at the Cat’s Tail that hit on her. 

same with Barbara, -you know what, fuck it, diluc adopts all the teens/kids of mondstadt- they all eat well, sleep comfortably, and are well dressed bc of Diluc. (razor doesn’t know he’s been adopted tho, diluc sorta let’s him roam. he has youngest sibling privileges) 

klee doesn’t rly spend much time w him but that’s okay bc diluc knows she has Albedo and diluc, for the most part, trust albedo not to fuck up a perfectly good kid. 

kaeya has to beat up that mf that stalks barbara daily, he takes great joy in it. 

no matter who kaeya is dating, he is always also dating Albedo, those two come as a pair (sorta- more like kaeya drags albedo into things with the promise of knowledge and experiments)

bennett has no shame in calling diluc dad and as many times as diluc has told him “i am not your dad” bennett never stops, and diluc never goes further then simply reminding him that he is not his dad. 

diluc listens to all of fischl’s stories without the need for Oz’s translations, fischl loves him and stops by Angels Share every time she comes back from her home world with more stories. 

diona and klee have a table at Angel’s Share that is reserved for them at all times, especially during school so they can do schoolwork where Diluc can keep an eye on them. 

Kaeya taught bennett how to wield a sword. end of discussion, he did i was there i saw it. 

diluc has taken to teaching razor how to use a claymore since Varka (is that his name?) is ‘away’ (probably dead lol) 

kaeya leaves little trinkets in the woods near wolvendom for razor, razor doesn’t actually know who kaeya is but he thinks he’s neat nonetheless. 

diluc and jean dated during their time as cadets, then realized they were better off as friends. then jean came out as lesbian and started dating Lisa. Kaeya will not let him live it down. 

KNIGHT IN TRAINING BESTIES!!!!! 

jean obviously had the most potential of the three of them, she was a quick learner and set herself to impossible standards. there were some younger (mostly male) knights who HATED that she was the Gold Star cadet, and often times tried to make fun of her. cue buff late teen Ragnvindr siblings who aren’t afraid to get mean. 

once diluc gets his claymore it’s all over for the people of mondstadt. my guy comes back JACKED and HOT and Donna is the only one brave enough to call it like it is. (fuck donna tho shes SO annoying lmaooo #donnakinnie) 

kaeya’s favorite pass time is poking fun at diluc. 

diluc still knows how to wield a sword, mainly bc kaeya forces him to spar with him once in awhile, it’s mainly for kaeya’s benefit but at least diluc stays sharp with two weapons. 

kaeya tried to teach diluc how to be flirty when they were teens but it,,, didn’t work LMAO 

kaeya is a fucking MASTER of hide and seek and tag. my guy is so competative for NO REASON. he refuses to lose those two games. once a lot of the people of mondstadt got together to play a game of freeze tag,, it took kaeya a little under 2 hours to tag everyone and win the game. 

kaeya tries to teach klee how to stay in jeans good graces so she doesn’t have to be in that mf room all the time. kaeya also breaks her out of that room often and just lets her go ham on some trees outside the city walls. 

recently, whenever klee feels the need to blow something up, she asks kaeya to walk with her to a special spot in dragonspine albedo showed her and kaeya acts as a chaperone and mediator for her ‘bomb tests’ 

wow theres alot more here than i though LOL,,, this is it for now ig

Reader w/ wings headcanons(Markiplier Alter Egos)

ty @fancybootm​ for the request!

A/N: i just did all of them. every-all-everyone. Except Yandereplier, Silver Shepard, Ed Edgar... maybe others I’m not aware of at the moment... I tried to stick with a certain number of egos, but my hands just... they just kept moving. It is 11:00 pm when im writing this ya boy is TIRED. there are 1.6k words. It seems longer than it is bc bullet points. Bear with me. You can find the egos that you want easily. The reader is gender neutral. i am so sorry if this is not what you meant lol. on the bright side this is a good reference for all the egos i am open to writing for(also maybe others idk) so uh im keeping it enjoy. I’ll say... a T rating for cursing and also a bit of violence but literally like 20 words. mentions of injury. that’s it.

Requests are open!

Y/N(reader) with wings hcs

No one knows what the fuck you are, not even you

Ya got wings. That’s it.

Are you an angel? A faery? A phoenix? Who knows

You woke up one day in a forest remembering nothing

But you had wings

And then you got shot with an arrow

You ran away and hid in a cave

Darkiplier spends most of his time around you studying you

To see what you could possibly be

He still doesn’t know

He’s settled for calling you a “cryptid”

He’s slightly annoyed with the feathers you leave around the manor

He won’t tell you bc you can’t control that and it’d be rude

You read together in his study on occasion

You sit on the floor bc your wings get uncomfortable in chairs

In sympathy, he also sits on the floor

You think it’s sweet

You told him so and he sputtered out a “shut up and read your book”

He’s fairly fond of you

You’re good company to keep around

Wilford was the one who found you

He was walking through the forest, as one does, when he saw GIANT feathers

Naturally, he followed them

He found you in a cave with an arrow in your shoulder

He took you back to the manor and patched you up

He begged Dark to keep you there

He promised not to kill anybody for a month

He made it 15 days, which is a record

He’s very protective of you, not letting you out a lot since uh… hunters

You are his Sweet Little Songbird, light of his life, wind in his sails, 

if anything happens to you he will kill everyone in the manor and then himself

He helps you preen a lot

His hands are very gentle, surprisingly 

He spends the most time with you out of everyone

You play games, talk(well, he talks to you), and just hang out

He loves and adores you with his whole heart

Actor tolerates you, or so he says

He’s jealous of your wings

HE’S supposed to be the mysterious, sexy one!

But ok, yeah, you’re pretty interesting

He uses you in short films sometimes bc… well… wings

There are alot of things you can do with wings, surprisingly

He took you out into town one night

He shoved the wings under a thick jacket

You guys bought some clothes and food

He cut holes in the clothes for your wings, grumbling about a “waste of money” and “you never go out anyway” 

but he enjoyed spending a bit of time with you

Wilford nearly killed him(again) when he found out

He likes venting to you bc you just nod without really listening

As I said, you’re good company

Yancy thinks you’re nice

He felt a bit… threatened at first

Ya got WINGS, of course he’s cautious

But they are very pretty

And he likes to use you in choreography

People always comment on how realistic the wings are as Yancy leads you away

You don’t judge him for killing his parents, he likes that about you

You don’t know. You could’ve done something bad. You don’t remember

He likes cuddling bc you wrap your wings around him and he feels safe

He also helps you preen… sometimes… 

He’s… really bad at it...

You like listening to him sing

He sings you lullabies at night

You’re very close

Illinois is very fascinated with you

He’s convinced you’re a fairy

He’s seen quite a few of those

You tell him you don’t know, and he goes “a LiKeLy StOrY”

He likes drawing you

You’re very angelic

“Oh, maybe an angel then…” He says, like an idiot

He takes you with him on a few adventures to fly him over pits and stuff

He’d never admit it but he has a… THING about heights

It’s called a phobia, you egotistic maniac

You try to help him with it

You never get that far off the ground before he’s screaming to be put down

He appreciates the effort

He gives you things he finds on adventures that are pretty or remind him of you

He infodumps to you about curses, and archaeology, and adventuring, etc.

Magnum is uh… well, he’s Magnum

He figures you’d be useful out at sea

You can find nearby land, ships, or treasure by flying, of course

He didn’t take into account the fact that you don’t really… fly that often.

So it turned into you just stretching your wings instead of looking for loot

Once you fell overboard

Everyone was like “eh, they can fly, it’s fine”

Then they realized that you probably can’t since your wings might be wet

Magnum LEAPED into the fuckin water and THREW you back on

He doesn’t take you on the sea as much anymore

sometimes you talk about life, treasure, love, y'know the usual

He’s very Father Figure-ly

Bim isn’t sure how to feel about you

You are a person. With wings. What’s he supposed to do about that

He’s friends with Wil, so has to tolerate you at least.

He tries to make conversation, but it doesn’t always go as well as it could

You don’t have much to talk about, and some of his topics worry you

Mostly you two just kinda… exist in the same general area

Sometimes he’ll discuss what he should do on his show

You don’t have many ideas

But you’ve gotten an idea of what it is, and sometimes give a suggestion or two

He appreciates you for that

He tried to get you on the show once but Wilford refused

You kinda wanted to, but whatever

You’ll hang out sometimes too

He’s very entertaining, he has to be

Eric is kind of scared

Not that you’ll hurt him, that he’ll hurt you

That happens a lot to people he likes…

He eventually starts hanging out around you

You don’t ask bad questions, and you distract him from his dad

He talks about animals with you a lot, and how he wanted a farm

You bought a cowboy hat and gave it to him and he cried

You also gave him a stuffed cow one day

He hugged you for a long time

You two cuddle a lot bc the boy needs SAFETY and SECURITY

You wuv each other(platonically or otherwise)

Dr. Iplier doesn’t bother you, mostly

He appreciates that you keep to yourself

He has his work, that’s what he’s focused on

Sometimes he’ll see you when you try to find Wilford or get some food

He tries to get a good look at you without looking suspicious

It doesn’t work, he always falls over

He once gave you a “physical”

It was mostly to just figure out what you were

You seemed mostly human based on the results

But goddammit you had WINGS

They had their own function but were sort of like an add-on to your body

He was slightly disappointed you weren’t gonna… turn into a whole bird

You tolerate each other

Google fuckin’ hates you

He’s completely perplexed by you

Which he is never because he is the most intelligent being on the planet

So he assumed he could figure out what you were

Turns out google fucking sucks at figuring out things people don’t already know

So he hates you. Like a lot

He’s tried to kill you multiple times

But his objective is to destroy MANKIND

You are not included in that

BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE!!!

Also Wilford almost killed him for it

So yeah he just kinda hates you

You’ve tried to get along with him but he just wouldn’t

He finally talked to you when Bing called him a little bitch

Still hates you, but can tolerate your existence now

Bing fuckin’ adores you

You are just wonderful to him

You can FLY??!! You have WINGS???!!!!!

You don’t really care that he is an artificial BEING????!!!!!!!!

You’re perfect

He does Sick Tricks™ to try to impress you

They never do

You appreciate the effort

You don’t see him a lot, but when you to it’s very entertaining

He taught you how to skateboard

You kinda sucked but he’s very supportive

He likes just hanging around you

It’s the only time he ever chills the fuck out

Everyone’s thankful to you for that

Your entire dynamic is “what if... i put... my minecraft bed... next to yours? haha just kidding... unless?”

The Host doesn’t really care about the wings??

I mean, he can’t see them, so… what’s the big deal

You appreciate that

He still does the uh… narration thing… with real people…

The stories end better now

You convinced him to make the stories end better

You sat with him to make SURE the stories end better

He also started writing novels recently

You help with plot and character development

He appreciates that

The Jims… don’t really care about you

I mean you’re interesting, of course

But they physically Cannot get a clear picture of you

Even if you agree to sit still, it just doesn’t happen

It is always, ALWAYS blurry

They eventually give up and leave you alone

They do spend a bit of time with you

You help them with demon episodes sometimes

You don’t do much, but they like the emotional support

King of the Squirrels is… well, he’s him

He doesn’t… he doesn’t do much

He hangs out with his squirrels. That’s pretty much it.

You just started hanging out with him one day

He didn’t mind

You two feed the squirrels while sitting by a tree

He lets you wear his crown sometimes

He draws his squirrels, and lets you see the pictures

He teaches you how to draw them

You two don’t talk, really

You just sit. And hang out.

He doesn’t really smile, but you can tell when he’s happy with you

BESTIE U BETTER MAKE A POST TALKING ABT ALL UR AUS PLSPLS I NEED IT

Omg ive never had anyone actually want me to talk so like

this makes me so happy?

Okay so Royal AU!: Lumine and Aether are the twins of the Kingdom of Abyss, they originally were to rule together but when Aether got the chance to explore the outside world and found that the war they've been raging on the rest of Tevyat is wrong so he leaves and he travels across the rest of the world and learns alot about the world they live in. Kingdoms: Dragonspine- Under the rule of Albedo (had to stop myself from writing Albehdo), Not many people live here, The second most distrusted/liked kingdom (first is Abyss ofc), the people that are just outside of Dragonspine in game are the main citizens because I'm very creative Sucrose is from Mondstadt and lives there but is found in Dragonspine more often, along with Klee Mondstadt- Not quite sure who's the ruler but I'm leaning towards Jean as the representing Princess/Duchess whichever has the better status ( i think Princess) She's constantly found with the trusted knights Amber and Kaeya to insure nothing bad happens to her. Also the common citizens are : Venti- the most popular bard Diluc- Owner of the best Winery in all of Teyvat Lisa- The School Teacher and Librarian of Mondstadt Noelle and Bennett- The young couple that works for the Knights....but aren't knights. Fischl- She's some random girl that nobody knows anything about, she's certainly not from Mondstadt but she's accepted anyways, she'll often come with new intel one the other kingdoms Liyue- Hehe...okay so this one.....isn't developed at all. The only reason I've yet to write it. Thought about maybe it's run by a series of clans all ruling over different areas but....idk Inazuma- Actaully, a dictatorship type thing Baal/ Raiden Shogun is the "Queen"

Yae Miko is the advisor Ayaka is a princess of a noble family thinking of revolution (im so creative :D) Yoimiya is just some girl that popped out of nowhere and quickly gripped the handles of Inazuma and started to turn things upside down along side Ayaka And that's all I've got for this one so far, I know Im missing like half the games characters but this is something I've thought of recently, like...today High School AU 1: Aether is the new kid, and Albedo was assigned as his welcomer person. Aether ends up picking a dorm with Albedo, Xingqiu, and Chongyun and they do dumb shit together :D 

this is probably my simpliest au of them all lol High School AU 2:  (no offense to Kaebedo shippers but I don’t see it working but if thats your otp or you cant handle people not shipping them...dont read. or do i like getting hate, makes me famous for my takes :D)

Kaeya’s been crushing no Albedo. Hard. But Albedo is totally not into it, but Kaeya finally makes some progress when he gets him to finally agree to go to the dance, even if it’s just as friends. But then Aether comes and unknowingly ruins everything. 

However, I don’t like writting Kaeya as the jealous type, so he lets go quite easily as he sees that Albedo’s really happy and all he wants is for him to be happy :) (aofbeog this could be me just really not wanting to write Kaeya anymore angst because Kaeya angst is so....angsty and sad (i have such a big vocabulary) and hes already super dark in lore so yea)

Siblings AU (Hu Tao and Xiao): Okay so I mostly explained this one in my dump in your post but Ill explain again <3

Zhong Li got bored or lonely or smth and adopts children (Xiao, Hu Tao, Qiqi kinda is his kid at this point because shes almost always at their house but Baizhu is legally her parent)  So one day Xiao’s babysitting (i actually hc him as kinda irresponible with children like hell walk out of a store without them and be gone for a while before realizing hes missing a whole human, or hell be all “ill duct tape you to the wall” and actually do it until Zhong Li comes home LMAO) and Hu Tao just so happens to be a home instead of work or smth 

And Xiao’s kinda like “alright so you live here, and Zhong Li’s your dad, but like....we arent required to be siblings, right?” 

So Qiqi runs off and Xiaos freaking out because this is the 4th time this week and its only wednesday so hes looking and Hu Taos looking and they just so happen to come across this alleyway Hu Tao would sit in and cry as a child because the others were mean and their parents wouldnt let her play with their kids and she was really lonely and so they go down into it and sure enough Qiqi’s there 

And Qiqi’s all “Qiqi’s sad because all of Qiqi’s friends have mommies and daddies but Qiqi doesn’t and so Qiqi came here to cry alone because it’s dark and cold and nobody’s here to see Qiqi....” and Hu Tao’s all “Yeah, actually. This alley’s never done me wrong when I needed somewhere to sit and...just...ah, think about things alone. But y’know Qiqi, you could talk to Xiao or I. And you do too (i think thats the right too im not too sure) have a family! Zhong Li is your dad, we’re your siblings, and Ganyu could be like the cool Auntie! So don’t cry alright? Could you do that for me please?”

And so Xiao catches onto what Hu Tao implied and so he’s like “well shit. nobody should be alone and sad, much less when theyre just a baby” so Xiao tries kinda hard to be a better big brother (but Hu Tao always thought he was a wesome)

And finally my last high school AU:  (really, really underevloped but this is just kinda a chill crackshit 

Childe and Lumine are dating, Aether highly disapproves. Albedo and Aether are dating, and Lumine’s like “albedo? the weird kid? that never talks? and when he does its always in smart people words? that albedo? wow aether im suprised you understand his smart people talking.”  Xingqiu and Chongyun are dating, Xingqiu was really sheltered as a kid so hes always doing something stupid and dangerous and Chongyun goes along with him to make sure hes not killed

yep yep!! most of these are just headcanons lol sorry it took a while :<

Agito Kanoh Headcanons

Behold, the 5th Fang of Metsudo and his enormous CAKE

Word count: 1531 words

Spoilers for Omega if you haven’t read it yet

To the anon that asked for it, here you go!

Being in a relationship with the fang of Metsudo is different than most, well close to all, really.

In order to be with him, you have to be very trust-worthy, patient and understanding with him.  This is mostly due to him being involved in the Gu Ritual were he was the lone survivor and not really having anyone to rely on.

Meeting him outside the circumstances of Katahara Metsudo are slim to none so you at least are one of the body guards are know the Katahara family.

The man is pretty silent, he talks only when it’s you, the Katahara family, the bodyguards, or even some of the fighters that he made himself acquaintance with. He is just more in the background in Ashura than in Omega. Other than that, you mostly see him where the crowds doesn’t follow.

You kinda have to teach him everything of modern/mainstream media or actually anything in general. This, again, is mostly due to him only being confined to his master’s estate and nowhere else. He really is clueless with what’s going on in the world so it’s up to you to help and teach him to the best of your abilities. The man is welling to listen to you.

With that in mind, you do your best to help him become more human but you can tell that there are some chains that are holding him down. Although you’re no expert(unless you’re one idk, i’m sorry), you do everything in you being and power to help him regain human emotions and feelings.

Okay, I feel/headcanon that beside the Katahara family, you’re the only other person he will listen to and follow your requests that you ask of him. The man cares for you, so he’ll do it with some explanation on your part.

With the patience part, you have to coax Agito into hugs and kisses since he never experience affection in his life ever. It not just him being clueless or taking hints, you take your time to help him adjust and understand, it’s more of the uncertainty and hesitation he first has that makes him cautious of what you’re teaching him. He doesn’t want to accidentally hurt you with the kisses, hugs, any display of affection. He tries and that’s the best part.

Agito is kinda a rough kisser. Like not to rough, but it sometimes catches you by surprise. You know his initials are sweet and that he will never hurt you so you, on the most part, welcome his advances. After a while or sometimes, he does give gentle kisses to you. However, you enjoy his kisses nevertheless.

But Agito loves receiving (private) affection from you. He enjoys cheek and forehead kisses. Please give him those, it makes him feel at ease and more human/normal.

He LOVES to be held by you. He does like to cuddle after a while of getting use to the relationship. Your hugs are always well-received. He definitely like it when his head is laying on you chest, stomach, or lap. It give him comfort.

The man is literally a stoic teddy bear outside of the fighting ring.  

Sometimes he can take a joke, but that’s like when he becomes more human and sentient later on. Other than that, you refrain from telling him jokes since it goes over his head or out the other ear.

It’s pretty obvious that he is loyal. With him being very loyal to Metsudo for practically saving his life when he found him, you can bet he just has eyes for you and no one else. But it’s safe to say because you’re the only person to have an effect on him that clouds his mind.

For some reason, he can’t handle any carbonation drinks. So rip him when he drinks beer or champagne. He does however, like Kahlua with milk and cassis and orange.

Hates a bath that any lower than 45 degrees. He will always take hot baths. If you’re not into hot water upon entering the bathtub/shower, beware of that.

Since you have to teach him things from the media, you make him go on wild goose chases to hunter for monsters. It’s funny at first but he gets a little too into finding the “monster” you told him and he’s gone for hours, you then have to break it to him that it’s not real. He’s like “oh, okay that’s fine. Nice joke, (Y/N).” But deep down he is disappointed that the monster is doesn’t exist.

You do watch his fights, of course. Some go by really quick, others are a bit longer but he always comes out of the victor. Until the tournament, he also won with ease. But when the tournament came, it was different. The fight with Gaolang prove a challenge for him and Gensai took his place as the most powerful fighter. It’s does amaze you when watching his fighting style and him evolving through them.

Since Agito is the most feared fighter in all of the underground, it’s pretty much safe to say no one, I mean NO ONE, messes, bad mouths, or touches you. If any of those happen to you, it is expected to see Agito’s looming daunting aura and monstrous glare at the person/people. It’s evident that the perpetrator/s were not be a bother to you once he’s done dealing with them.

You mean ALOT to Agito, so much. It’s to the point where if anything happens to you or, god forbid, if you got hurt, mercy is out of the question, out of sight, out of mind for Agito. He doesn’t go berserk nor fighting becomes reckless, it’s more of him going all out. If the perpetrator/s are fighters, you best believe that my boy is going to challenge them and pretty much not only destroy their body/bodies), but also destroy and eradicate their fighting spirit too. If the his damage to the body/bodies won’t make them retire/ fear him, then him crippling their mentality can. Basically, if people don’t want to die physically/emotionally/mentally at the hands of Agito, then you better believe that they won’t do or speak ill will of you.

Basically it’s “Oh... So you have chosen death then?”/”Peace was never an option.”

However, he’s not the person to be exerting his powers on fighters because he feels like it. He only acts when he’s challenge/force to fight, force to defend himself, orders from his master, or when you’re in some sort of danger. Other than that, he’s pretty chill and not intimidated by others.

After the events of the tournament, you can tell he has become more human like and not like a robot. He starts to show more visible emotions without you being around him. It makes you happy of his progress and how far he has come, which is a lot when you think about it. His decision to go to the US, to expand his horizons and mind, it was a hard one. He really didn’t want to leave you back in Japan, since he can’t protect you or be by your side, but you told him that this is a perfect chance for him to see the beauty of the world and it’s wonders. He takes your words and goes off. You check up on him once in a while to see how he’s doing and what has he seen and done. He tells you a lot and you can tell how fascinating it is to him, you can’t help but smile at him for doing so.

When you find out that he’s was coming back to Japan for the purgatory tournament. You were overjoyed to see him again. Once you saw him, you knew how much he has changed, the facial expressions and his aura, it says it all. You ran up to him and gave him a big hug to which he returned gladly.

Aight I haven’t talked about it yet, and it’s blatantly obvious. BUT, I have to say it like those before... AGITO GOT A FAT ASS!!! For the love of all things under the sun, you have never seen someone so thiccc in your entire life. I mean, fam/sis, this is it, this is endgame. The man has so much cake that he could make a bakery. The fact the suit really brings out his ASSets is a sight for sore eyes. You have never bear witness to something so beautiful. Fam, you’re fortunate to someone like that. Count your blessings when you are with Agito, fam.

He really loves nature walks. The two of you would aimlessly wonder the forest for hours just appreciating its beauty. It’s also a good way to clear his mind and to calm his mind when he is restless.

You’re what grounds Agito after he fights and goes stoic on opponents. Anything you do, hell even just your presences, always brings Agito back down to Earth and remember who he is, and he’s grateful to you in his life.

The man smiles only at you and anything/everything that you do. You are his pride and joy.

Just found out Grandma has cancer and she's moving in with the hospital bed package I helped put together today at the house.

The lady says she weighs less than 100 pounds and needs an oxygen tank.

This don't even feel real.

I'm helping the lady setup the bed, lifting stuff, and cleaning out the bunch of clothes and junk that nobody uses and it really didn't kick in...

It still hasn't.

My heart Andy hand was shaking as I had to sign the delivery note.

Not even a "Good luck with your Grandma" or "Condolences to you and your family" I told the delivery lady she had cancer and we're talking about it like its a happy topic on the news. She had music to keep her going as she picked up stuff off the truck. I wanted to tell her come back, wait...like are you sure you got the right house?

Like are you sure mom and dad or grandma isn't playing. Cause I haven't seen her in like a month. My clothes and stuff is still at her house in Grand Rapids.

And I don't wanna run into any arms. Like I don't wanna hear nothing but silence for the next 3 or 4hrs.

I'm trembling, shaking, paranoid.

I almost had a panic attack after that lady left. Well let's be real, I did.

But the fact that everybody else in this family is acting like this shit is normal and everybody wants me to behave....I can't say or do shit about it.

Like my room is connected to her room. Imma have to get used to walking past her bed just to use the bathroom. And eat?

I don't even know if I will, cause here's the thing....mom and dad are most likely gonna put me on duty. And last time when I spent a week with her, taking care of her...I was so stressed out, that I didn't even eat.

And cancer did pop in my head as a worst case scenario, because we had no clue what she had and she seemed ok when I got kicked out in March.

She avoided doctors and the hospital for years after her surgeries. I just....

I don't even know if I wanna know what stage she is at. Cause last time I stayed, when we had that argument, she wasn't eating too good, cheeks sunken in, I knew something was wrong. Even her house, her dishes were all piled up with black mould on em from being in the sink of dirty water too long. It felt like we stepped into a resident evil house from that one in the country. Even momma said that's not like her, because old ocd Clara, does not play about cleaning dishes. Soups did her no good and she was only getting down like 2-4 pieces of watermelon that daddy had brought. And her house in the summer is hot as heck, so I'm glad daddy had bought her that air purifying fan. She just did not go to the hospital. She said no for the longest when we offered to take her.

I'm glad she finally said yes.

But I don't know how far along she is. Everything has changed so much in less than a year.

I don't even know if I'll be the same after this. And I got a giant ear and toothache that keeps creeping in when I get too stressed like this.

I pray I stay away from drinking. Cause my hallucinations get worse after drinking...I really need to see a psychiatrist about that.

I just hope mom and dad don't start fussing again at home, it's already tight, mom is still going through alzheimers grief with our other grandma. Like she forgot her name already once. And these two strong black women that I grew up on are near 70. Clara, with cancer 67.

I don't even know what my father feels about this and that's what scares me the most. Cause he's mostly been the type to say he's okay, doing fine or alright if I ask him how he feels, buy he doesn't ever really change unless something super pisses him off...like cars parking too close when there's empty spots, drivers doing wide turns, people walking 8 ppl wide on the sidewalk at an amusement park or public event.

Or if he gets into with momma, but they haven't fought as much since I left in March...

But idk. With those two both on edge, the only time they can talk about emotions in a calm way is when they drink or go out to the bar, eat some wings, and get some drafts going while watching the game.

But that was younger dad, and this is now. Now...I assume he's gonna do a lot more golfing...

Idk how they're gonna manage us helping out.

But I pray I find my own job and apt soon. I wouldn't wanna live in chaos. Nor do I wanna fight about it either with my family, that have been known to push duties on me without really helping or noticing the people pleasing problem I learned from serving them all these years. I've never been allowed to say no to my mother and father. They always get upset with me when I do.

I don't wanna go through this alone, but as God showed me the ppl who really were a bad influence on my life, I don't have many friends to rely on to support me and pour my heart out too. After being hurt even when I dealt with the aftermath of that fight with mom, I found myself alone much more often than I thought. Missing the wrong ppl.

I'm not making that same mistake again. I'm not gonna make that silly mistake and call a guy only for him to take advantage of me sexually. I'm not having sex or making out with anybody unless we're committed to each other and he's already proven he's with me for love and not just sex.

Cause there are nice guys who try to outsmart women who would rather have sex after commitment, only to play them after giving the gf title.

How the fuck did I get to this topic, and I just found out Grandma Clara has cancer and we don't know how long for or what stage she's at?

See how far my mind overthinks in critical situations like this?

Now I'm off to watching Kenny Rogers cause I'm feeling a country craving right after I just cried my tears and helped clean her room, assembled her bed..

Ppl don't usually prepare for having a family member you didn't expect to take care of for cancer, it sorta feels low, because I don't know what to expect when she comes tomorrow...I don't know exactly what's gonna happen, but I pray I get a job close by so I can at least have a place to stay away from my already crazy home, and get moving on goals and dreams.

But I know why I feel so obligated to leave and to stay for grandma in flint...because I don't know what's going to happen to her or to me. And she's been apart of me for such a long time. She used to be the only person who understood me when I would get to sensitive or have depression, separation anxiety, seeing or feeling dead people, reading dreams intuitively together. Me and her was like the grandpa off of Roald Dahl's Willy Wonka story. She was the older version of me, and nobody understood me like her. Everybody else in my family would make fun of me for being like her. Whenever mom thought I did something that reminded her of Clara, she'd called me by her first name "Clara." Cause she raised me awhile when dad and sometimes mom went to work. Daddy at football games in college, but I think he had to drop out after me....I kinda thought back and thought I was a burden as the reason why they always seemed to overwork me so young as the oldest. Put a smile on your face and go to your room to cry. Kinda like cinderella. Well grandma Clara said it....she always worried about that when she visited.

Her personality was similar to how Ms. Lisa was on Sister Sister. Ms. Talkative, except her favorite color was purple 💜 and she always had an ego, and intuitive perspective on alot of things. She could see things as if she knew what was gonna happen next, like predicting a chess move. Very determined, independent, she hates being wrong, and she'll bark her mouth off if you tried to debate with her. She liked dressing up and going out. But when she's frugal, she'll cook something at the house. Oh, and she loved sweets. And she loved to talk.

I mean lots. I would say our usual was 2hrs, but that was so long ago. I definitely feel the change settling in. Only time will tell.

Guess who’s in the 230’s?

A bit bittersweet considering I could have been this weight monday. But I will take it and stop beating myself up.

I am literally 9lbs away from the 220’s. 13 days left until valentines day.

My goal is to get to 220 on valentines. I mean I want to be lower but I will take that. I’m 18lbs away with 13 days left. I need to lose 1.4lbs a day for 13 days to get there. I think I can do it.

Lets start with the bad.

Heart?

Even though I only workout 7-14 mins every day I have been STRUGGLING to get through my workouts. Like it takes me an hour at the gym to complete 14 min workouts. I have no idea what it could be. It honestly could be a whole host of things. I had pneumonia last week, even if the virus is gone. I read that you will feel fatigue for weeks after. Also, I’m on a liquid diet, I’m going to be tired anyway. And on phentermine. My heart is literally racing which it didn’t before, just after pneumonia. Like during my workout I can feel my heart beat out my chest. I guess the caffiene doesn’t have a buffer because I don’t eat

I am extremely weak. At work I try my very best to hold it together. But I feel faint. Luckily it hasn’t been so busy so I don’t have too much to do but still. I’m lucky I have my powerade, it gives me a LITTLE energy and there is enough sugar to keep me standing. I honestly think I’m burning too many calories for not eating anything. Like I don’t count the calories I burn at work standing, I only count when I work out. But yes I do burn calories standing everyone does. Idk if I should shorten my workouts on days that I work. It would be pretty dumb of me to drive to the gym for a 4-5 min workout. It’s already stupid of me to drive there for a 7 min workout. But I will do it. Maybe not workout days I’m working. Idk. I’m losing weight rapidly. I don’t want to give up working out because I want to be toned by the end of it. All of this stress I’m putting myself in is taking a toll on my heart so I need to take it easy.

Take little steps to make it better.

1. Take phentermine AFTER my workouts. See if my heart beats less

If that works thats how I’ll do it. I only took phentermine before because it helped my energy. Thats when I was restricting with food not liquid.

To help with energy. HONESTLY. I don’t drink enough. I think I’m cute and dainty when I don’t finish my powerades because I never do. Like not on purpose I just dont feel like it. Powerade is the only source for electrolytes for me. So I HAVE to drink it. Electrolyte imbalance can also affect heart rate. Honestly I don’t drink powerade or enough electrolyte water which I special order and have been since my water fast. My regime should be to drink a litre of electrolyte water and a whole powerade. Thats enough electrolytes I feel. Tommorow, I’m bringing my 50fl ounces Assentia water that I got for .79 cents which is normally $3. I am drinking that entire thing. You know what I can start doing drinking my water in the car. On my way to work start on it. Don’t start at work. Its less stress to finish. Start finishing my water before I even touch my powerade.

I have to bear with the weakness. I’m fine somewhat its not unbearable yet. I feel the most exhausted after work. I feel like because I’m in a public setting my body just knows to keep it together. I hope I don’t faint until I’m in the 180’s at least. I won’t be THAT heavy but still a complete fat ass.

I plan to keep this liquid diet going. If I become overwhelmed the first thing I will stop is exercise. Even though the workouts are short af. Thats the first thing to go. On days I don’t work. If the problem continues I may have to alternate. One day liquid. One day 500 calories + exercise. I want to be skinny but I want to be alive with minimal damage. Eating isnt binging. Binging is ordering 16 tenders and an X large pizza from Papa Johns with chocolate and a litre of coke. I didn’t plan to eat at all during feburary, but you bet your ass I will if I ABSOLUTELY have too. Honestly I feel like it would make the weight loss faster. Eating 500 is higher than what my body is accustomed to now, so my metabolism will get faster. Like I said, only when I feel like I HAVE to I will eat. The worst thing is having to exercise everything off. Thats what I hated the most about restricting. I love on this liquid diet I only have to workout 7-14 mins a day. Imagine. 14 mins of exercise to burn off a powerade. 5 chicken tenders at 108 calories each would take 32 mins. Thats insane. But at least I’ll have the energy for it.

I am addicted to this FAST weightloss though. I woke up at 240lbs honestly. After work I was 238lbs exactly. We love flunctuations.

Sweating

I have always been a sweater. Like this is genetics. Even when I was younger and skinnier I sweat. But as I’ve gotten bigger I notice that I sweat ALOT more. Its so fucking emberrassing. I’m so scared at work. Literally was getting slight vagina sweat. I can’t even think about it. Everyone will think my vagina is diseased. Its just sweat. I wear a waist trainer. 1. To hide my belly. 2. So it can catch my back sweat. It only goes to my back so I have to wear a tank top under neath. I don’t have a good one because I refuse to spend money on it. Maybe I should start wearing my sports bras and tank until I lose a bit of weight. I started wearing a long sleeve to hide my bat arms but I get so over heated its not even funny. Like I start to sweat everywhere. Yeah having three articles of clothes will make anyone sweat. Of course the heater is on in the resturant I work at because its winter. Mix that with running around to tend to guests you have a sweaty bitch. Being fat doesnt help at all. Neither does being gentically proned to sweat. It makes it 10x worse. So I had to take off my longsleeve at work today because I just clocked in and vacuumed and could already feel the sweat accumulate. AND I JUST GOT THERE. I said nah.

But I guess good news my work shirt is a lot bigger on me, hides my bat arms better than before. The only thing I hate is you can still see my stretch marks on my arms. But they have cleared a bit, it use to be deep ridges in my arm but I lost almost 70lbs. When I get to 200lbs I don’t think they will be there anymore. I’m certain by 180lbs they won’t I bet my life.

My work uniform is black so that makes it worse though I’m thank ful. Today I had to shave my vagina and armpits to stop the sweat some what. Only to wear polyester under wear because again. I don’t wear underwear and I refuse to buy them unless they’re a medium or small. Right now large gives me wedgies so maybe I can fit into a M/L idk but I gotta get more under wear don’t have a choice because I can’t work without underwear. You know Idk if its because I had pneumonia, or if its the phentermine, or if its the liquid diet. But weeks before I didnt sweat this much. I went to work frequently without underwear. I wore my long sleeve shirt no problem. Now its a problem. Sweat can also be caused by fighting an infection. Maybe I’m still fighting the pneumonia. The thing about pneumonia is even after the virus is eliminated by antibiotics its still going to kick your ass for a few weeks. Fatigue and cough

Another thing is I move so fast at work by the time I get back to my post I’m sweating its good but, bad at the same time

Weight is still an issue and why I sweat so much so this is just an incentive to lose more weight.

Goals

I see my doctor on the 22nd or 23rd a week after valentines. I hope to be 209 or lower. By then and if I can keep on this diet I think I can. Last time I was there I was 254 (260 on their scale) so 209 will be a PLEASANT suprise and they will be very happy. Thats a 51lb weight loss and thats ALOT of weight. They will literally worship my feet and give me more phentermine they’ll give me anything I want. Though I gotta do blood work so thats like $168 but its okay it has to be done I understand. I made alot this pay period and the only thing I have to pay is, registration, tax, inspection, gym $10, mom and buy more water and powerade. I should have like $200 left. If not I deffo get paid again the 15th of this month. The 2nd of March. (The day after my cheat day) so my cheat day is on a thursday. Good. Maybe I’ll push it to saturday. Or the day I’m off. Definetly want to be out of the 200’s by the end of feburary thats my top goal.

Valentines day

I hope I’m not hyping it for nothing. I hope I get something from someone.

If I lose 2lbs for the next 13 days I’ll be 212lbs on valentines. (Could have been 207)

If I lose 1.5lbs for the next 13 days. I’ll be 218lbs (could have been 213)

If I lose 1lb a day for the next 13 days I’ll be 225lbs (could have been 220 exactly)

I hope I lose at least 1.5lbs a day consistently. So far I been losing 2-3lbs everyday. 3lbs mostly I would love to lose 3lbs a day for 13 days that would be EXCELLENT. That would put me at 199lbs exactly (could have been 194) imagine if that actually happened. I would DIE. I’m 39lbs away from getting out of the 200’s I’m excited. I just hope I’m losing weight for a reason. Honestly lose 1kg a day is reasonable I eat less than 300 calories a day, and I bet you my starting weight was more than this girl whoever she is. If I get to 199lb by valentines. Bitch. I will be 180lb by the end of feburary. Plateau nor metabolism will stop me.

Boss

Lately I noticed that every time I go to work I work with my one manager that likes me. I can tell he likes me because the other manager which is his friend is always around. They giggle and stare at me. He makes the schedule so that I only work with him. Its kind of cute. I like how I make him shy. But sometimes I get flustered. He catches me off guard. He walks REALLY slow towards me its kind of nerve racking. I purposely dont look at him because its emberrassing. He keeps coming up to me but saying ABSOLUTELY nothing. Adorable.

Jeans

I really wanted to wear size 9 jeans, on valentines. But it wasnt because of my binge. I dont think I was going to fit in them anyway until I get to 180’s but its okay.

My size 16 wide are so fucking loose. The day they fall off my body is the day I stop wearing them period. Until then we gon wear it sis.

Belly

Despite the weightloss I don’t think my bell has been affected at all granted. I’ve only lost like 15lbs I just dont see it in my stomach which is my first problem area. I hope by valentines day at, atleast 212lbs it will reduce. Seriously I’m tired of looking at it. When I was in college at 22, I was 213 and my stomach was FLAT. I remember because I weighed myself. So these next 26lbs better be fucking good to me or I’m FIGHTING. A pound of fat in terms of physical is huge. On the scale its nothing. I’m tired of having a pouch in my jeans. I’m tired of looking at it hang. It needs to go. Arms next. At 180lb I better not see a fucking bat wing in sight.

May 2019

May 1st, nothing really that special happened today. We made icecream in Culinary and Carlos got really excited cause their were sugar cones. Izzy ate the most icecream out of all of us and hes lactose intolerant so he was hurting afterwards.

May 2nd, I was really stressed out this motning cause I havent finished my dress for the Fashion show tomorrow and it was raining and thundering. I had to stay after school for Fashion till 4 and I stayed with Scott after that until 5:30. I like staying after with him. We just makeout and talk and get paranoid about cars passing by. I think today we made out for 25 minutes straight which is a new record lol. He tops himself every fucking time and it’s so hot. Like holy shit because makeout sessions ever.

May 3rd, today was the fashion show and I was really stressed out at first but I ended up finishing my dress. The problem was that it was extremely short so I kept having to pull it down so you wouldnt be able to see my shorts under it. Seth and Aj were their watching their girlfriends and both of them took videos of me and sent it to Scotty. He said I looked beautiful. I met Kelly’s mom and sister and they seem really nice. I havent ate since Chickfila this morning and I’m starting to get really hungry/hangry. I might make me food but idk yet.

May 4th, Lots of pain occurred today. I woke up at 7:35 to get ready for the Nami Walk. Once my grandparents picked me up we got to Chickfila and headed to the Sam Houston State Park in Houston. The walk started around 9:30 and we finished at 11 only because my meme and Mrs.Pat walk so slow. It was fun overall but my feet were killing me and the back of my left leg was hurting alot and idk why. After the walk we headed to Galveston to meet up with my family. We stayed at the beach for an hour then went home. I ate a little bit and took a shower and now I’m here. I’m currently watching Thor Ragnarok cause it’s the only Marvel Avengers movie I havent seen.

May 5th, Cincooooo De Mayooooo. I didnt really do anything today besides sleep. I woke up at 3am for no reason then fell asleep. then woke up at 7 then fell back asleep at 1 till 5. I dont think I will br falling asleep early tonight cause I’ve slept so much. Scotty got to drink a margarita and I’m jealous. Also Ghala and Kaylie are so fucking cute and I stan them sooo much.

May 10th, damn. I told myself I would do this more often, bitch I havent done it in 5 days. Let’s talk about yesterday, May 9th. Scotty and I stayed afterschool (nothing new) and he was sitting down and I was ontop of him and we were making out. This BITCH flips me over to the ground, puts his hand down my pants, and…yeah…not actually touching me, just through my underwear. I was very ShOoK by this but I didnt stop him cause it felt really really fucking good. Like I’m not complaining.(I hate the word moaning so I use cake) Lots of cake was happening and he end up getting a boner. He has actually been getting them since we first started staying afterschool and I didnt know lol. I almost ended up having an orgasm but cars kept driving by and I told him if I see a car then he has to stop. I’ve never ever gotten this close with a guy. Not complaining. While cars were going by we kept telling weird sex related stories to eachother. He told me how when he was little his parents used the word dessert instead of condoms when he was around. Then his older brother told him what it meant and he was shook. On his 13th birthday his dad said he had a surprise birthday present in his drawer that didnt get opened at his party. He asked what it was and his dad said dessert. There were condoms in the bottom drawer of his dresser lol. Scotty also told me that he has personally bought different ones to use for future purposes. Now listen, I know its gonna be with me. I want our first times to be with eachother. That sounds strange but I love him and I want to lol but not now. Scotty wants me to go over to his house on his birthday to meet his parents. He also wants his birthday present from me to be us doing it. I said that’s not happening for a long ass time cause it’s too early and I’m not ready yet, even though I want him to be my first.

Different topic lol. Yesterday we got hit with some really bad weather and it fucked up my sleep schedule. I fell asleep at like 9pm then woke up at 11 then woke up at 2 then stayed awake till 4:30 then woke up at 5 then work up at 11. Like wtf??

May 12th, wow get ur shit together lol, do this more. Its official, I will be going over to Scott’s house if I get my gas laws homework packet done. My mom thinks I’m going over to Kaylies house, I hope she buys it. Im extremely nervous about meeting his parents, I’m hoping I’ll make a good first impression. Ive never met a boyfriends parents before so idk what to expect. I sent Kaylie a bunch videos about me deciding on what I’m gonna wear. I’ve decided on curled hair, light natural makeup, my blue ripped Jean’s, and either a red or blue shirt. I dont know how to act ugghhh.

Today I went over to my grandparents house and it was okay ig. My cousin Coleson came over and I was excited about that. He is my favorite cousin by far. I played basketball and ate food. I also drove from their house and back twice and I did pretty good. I wish I could talk to Scott but I dont want to interrupt his time with his mom cause it is Mothers day after all.

May 13th, I feel sick sksksks. like a vomit kind of sick and I feel like my limbs are weak and they are kinda shaking. It’s making me scared asf. I hope it will go away soon. I dont like feeling like this cause it gives me really bad anxiety and makes me have anxiety attacks. I’ve been getting alot of anxiety and panic attacks since sophmore year started

May 16th, Wow I really need to start doing this more often. Yesterday was Scott and I’s one month and he made a really cute video and I love it so much. I am still super nervous about Sunday, for alot of reasons. First I gotta meet his parents and idk how im gonna do that. I don’t know how to act or anything. Also Scott said its a shoes off house and I don’t want them seeing the cuts on my ankles. I’ll try to wear socks that cover them, I mean im gonna have to since i also wanna cover my 2 ankle tattoos. Also Scott says he wants to have sex. I don’t know if im ready for that yet. I’ve been thinking about it alot, mostly what would go wrong. Of course we would use condoms but they are only effective 98% of the time. I’m mainly worried about if I am gonna get pregnant or not. I can’t get pregnant. My life would be over. I’m saying this now, which is very contriversal, I would have an abortion. Yes its a human person who probably deserves to live but I just cant do that. I cant be pregnant. I don’t want to focus on all the bad stuff about sex, but the good stuff too. It supposedly has alot of health benefits. I don’t know how to do it though. Like I know how, but at the same time I don’t. Ya know? I also think we should wait to do it but in Scotts words, “I don’t plan on breaking up with you ever so we arent gonna get the opportunity to do it for a long time. So why not do it now when its gonna happen eventually.” I think im gonna do it. Talking about it makes me feel less nervous and weve been talking about it more and more since his birthday is in like 3 days. I want to talk to Kaylie about it but im scared she might say its too early. I know shes gonna support me in whatever I do, but I still want her opinion on it. I also nervous about Scott’s parents or siblings knocking on the door while we are in the middle of having sex. Scott always has his door locked which is good for the both of us. I know his older brother wouldnt bother us cause he’s like a cool brother and knows whats going on lol. I hope it doesnt happen but it might, just might be his mom checking up on us. I think im ready. Im nervous, but I want to do it with him. Im not being pressured into doing it by the way. He knows that if i dont want to do it, he won’t try, we would do what we normally do afterschool, but in his bed. 

I should probably talk about what has happened today instead of talking about sex lol. Nothing special really happened. Scott wanted me to go eat lunch with him and I said no. 1. I dont like school lunches, and 2. I don’t want to sit even remotely near Derek, and 3. I don’t eat lol. I kept telling him he should go eat and he said ok. I just layed down on a couch on my phone alone. Felt like old times, when I had no one to sit with so i just listened to emo bitch music. Good times, good times. 

May 17th, I had to take out my nose stud for pictures in Journalism and my piercing closed. At around 10pm I repeirced it with a thumbtack in the wall. I put a part of an earring in so it doesnt close overnight and now I have to sleep like that till I can go to the mall tmrw and get some more.

May 18th, I went to the mall and got some new piercings. I got a black star, blue ball, black hoop, purple gem, silver star, and a skull. I'm wearing the black hoop right now since it's my favorite. The skull makes me look emo lol. I'm really nervous about going to Scott's tmrw. Wish me luck

May 19th, Ok so I just got back from Scott's house. When my parents dropped me off they wanted one of them to walk to the door with me. I legit begged them not to. They wanted to make sure at least one parent was home so Scott's mom went out and waved. She also said she was Scott's mom but I dont think my parents thought anything of it since they didnt say anything to me yet about it. I met alot of people like his stepmom, stepdad, mom, all his siblings, some of his cousins, aunt and uncle, grandmas, and dog. His step dad was really funny and made alot of jokes. His step mom and I were talking a bunch about how cute JJ Watt and Tom Holland is and Harry Potter. We had pie and a bunch of us went up to his room and just messed around. His older brothers Damian and Ralph were messing with us and it was funny. My mom decided to be an asshole and picked me up 30 minutes early. I wish I could've stayed longer but Aunt Mandy and her boyfriend James are coming over to watch some wrestling thing. I'm glad I got to see Scott on his birthday. He seemed happy.

May 21st, I texted my mom yesterday about Scott, how we are dating, and how I lied and said I was at his house meeting his parents instead of going to Kaylies house. I thought I would be in really big trouble since I lied but apparently I wasnt. When I went downstairs to talk to them they were just happy i finally opened up and told them something about my personal life lol. They didn't ask that many questions about him which is a good thing cause i dont like questions, they make me feel uncomfortable. They know hes getting his license soon so my dad said we are gonna have to talk about people driving me around, other than Michael and his mom. I think it's just gonna be about not leaving the state and just staying close by to our house. At least I hope that's what it's only gonna be about. Knowing them, they are gonna put a bunch of restrictions. I'm pretty sure they would also want to meet Scotty before he drives me anywhere. They are 100% gonna make fun of him for driving a mini cooper lol, I already do. I'm actually really nervous about him meeting my parents, both sets. Ik I was nervous about meeting his but I think I'm more nervous about him meeting mine. I dont know how anyone is gonna react. Gavin is gonna be all weird and would want to talk alot lol. Gavin likes Scott, I really dont know why. Makes me nervous just thinking about it.

I took Scottys keys in Journalism today lol. It was cool just carrying them around. Made me feel like I actually had my own car even though there is a keychain with Scott's name on it. When he was walking me to class he took them back and I got offended. That's all that's happened so far lol.

May 23rd, I cried myself to sleep last night. Lol what a great way to start an entry. Basically I felt like I ruin everything I touch and somehow I was gonna ruin my relationship with Scott. He tried making me feel better but it didnt really work. Anyways, today has been kinda an off day. I dont know what it is about today, just not a good day. Haven’t been in the best mood since last night, but it’s fine..im fine. Everyone has their off days and I guess today is mine,  

May 24th, Yesterday Scotty was acting kinda weird so I typed him out a little paragraph to at least try to make him happy and all he sent back was "Love you too". I'll admit, it was a little bit frustrating spending all that time on that and getting a short response but its fine.

May 25th, I'm spending the night at Kelly's, well actually I already did. We went night swimming and it was fun. I woke up at 5am cause I was in so much pain and now I'm in even more. I just love bleeding internally and having cramps that make me feel like I'm gonna vomit. I tried looking for some aspirin or advil but I couldnt find any which is just so fucking great for me. Yeah anyways, I'm in alot of pain, feel like I'm go throw up, kill me to end my suffering

May 28th, wow yeah love procrastinating this lol. I had my Journalism and Child Development finals today so basically I did nothing at school. I accidentally stole Scotts key for the entire day and I was lowkey panicking cause I didn't know if I was gonna have the opportunity to give them back. I mainly played on my phone in Journalism. We judged the class Photo Safari and my group got 1st place in two of the categories and got 2nd overall. I was really surprised the portrait of me won cause I don’t think I look that great but apparently the yearbook staff thinks so. Thanks Avery :’) Our child development final was easy. We basically just had to write down about something interesting we learned and 3 jobs associated with child care. After that I got out a piece of paper wrote down everything I was thinking cause I cant actually say it or else I think people would hate me. But I basically wrote how I think Scott doesn't understand how I am feeling and my bipolar and depression and about an Instagram comment about something I really shouldn't be worrying about. Also I was writing on their how I am a stupid piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything in her life cause she is just gonna fuck it up anyways just like she always does. I got done with that and the bell rang. I went to meet up with Scott and give him his keys then he walked with me for a little bit before he had to go talk to his teacher. Seeing him makes me happy, one of the few things that make me happy in this cruel world anymore. My dad called me and told me I had to get all of my work done tonight or else I would get my phone taken away all summer. I just don’t have the motivation to do this or anything for that matter. I’m gonna fucking fail anyways, might as well just deal with it. 

I don’t feel anything anymore. No pain. No happiness. I am simply just...here. Maybe that's why I do it. To feel something...anything. I don’t care if it gives me pain I just want to feel human again. 

Anyways. goodbye. Ig ill see ya in the next entry if im not already dead yet.

May 29th, today overall has been pretty good. I helped Cameron, Drew, Kaleb, Cassie, and others on the Geometry final. Which basically means I gave them all the answers. Cameron was 2 rows away from me so I texted them to him. I also took my Chemistry final today and I already know I failed that bitch. My parents are making me go to summer school for it which is no bueno. After the last bell rang I got to walk with Scott to the back doors. I don't want school to him. I'm gonna miss seeing him everyday. Tomorrow is the last day of school which means it's Izzys last day. I already know damn well I'm gonna fucking cry. I don't want him to leave but hes moving so their is nothing I can do about it. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell him how much of an amazing friend he has been and that everything will get better in the end. I dont want it to be tomorrow.

May 30th, Last day of school and just as I expected, I cried...alot. I didnt have a chance to say goodbye to Izzy like I wanted which made me very upset. I actually liked going to school, just not the learning. Seeing all my friends was the only thing I looked forward to. Now I have nothing. Once Scott gets his license we will be able to hang out but I want that to happen now, not in like a month. I said goodbye to Avery, Kaylie, Carlos, and all my teachers. I'm gonna miss it. But hey, I'm finally a junior. 2 more years then we can move to California. Maybe I'll start looking forward to that. I have to go to summer school and I'm really not excited about that, I know alot of people that are going which kinda makes me feel better ig.

Is true Kim Taehyung is a Sagittarius rising? If so, what are the behaviors that are related to your ascendant? 1Hug~ ^^

[Below cut: Sagittarius ASC/Rising + BTS rumoured birthtime]

hey there! 💕 thanks for asking 💕 that’s the rumored birth time spread from k-fans as far as I know (either it’s speculations or an interaction idk). It’s popularized in the bts community but it’s?? pretty sourceless so I think it’s speculations (that’s just my personal take on it). It’s kind of been blown out of proportions, so maybe don’t focus too much on it because it’s unconfirmed? Kinda like a lore, so take it with a grain of salt. It gives pretty good reading so it’s a fun activity to do in terms of synastry/houses – but it’s still sourceless so yeah, use caution? 

There’s nothing wrong with believing in it and doing chart reading based on them. Personally I just wanted to make my life easier by not doing the houses/base full chart readings on speculated birth times. Like there’s other stuff to touch on that gets overlooked a lot because we’re trying to read into their houses/asc more than paying attention to our planet placements/aspect that’s already there, y know. So this is me trying to make us digest things bit by bit instead of trying to eat the whole plate. 

Unless the idol themselves disclose their birth time in public (broadcast) along with possibly a birth certificate I’m probably not gonna use it lmao (even miss sunmi’s analysis is on the err side just in case). So no, I can’t confirm that it’s true and I’m personally of the belief that you can kind of ‘go wild’ with it since it’s all speculations anyways. Houses/ASC just makes placement/aspects more fun, but it doesn’t take away from the placement/aspects thats already there. But maybe don’t trust things so easily/use a grain of salt with everything. 

As for Sagittarius rising, for those out there with Sag ASC/rising please remember that your chart affects how your ASC/rising come across! Not every Sag ASC/rising is the same. Personal planets, aspects strength, houses position etc. affects the person. 

ASC/rising tells you how you approach society, your views and personal beliefs on it, the action that you demonstrate towards it. The rulership (sign) you have in your 1st house (angular house) will also play a part in this as well. And decans are most commonly used for sun/asc because they play a role in how you come across to others here (even though they can arguably be applied across your planets). 

So take into account all the other stuff, different Sag ASC/rising will act differently from one another. No one is the same even with the same ASC/rising. 

These are just some common traits I’ve personally observed in myself and my friends, so take it with a grain of salt because it might not apply to you personally! 💕

Sagittarius ASC/Rising (from observation/notes): 

Would bike/drive if they can (if they’re able-bodied) likes to travel alone but don’t mind the company when they’re in their ‘moods’

Appreciate ‘a breath of fresh air’ in their company, tend to notice the difference when they’ve become ‘mundane/tunnel-visioned’ in their work/social group. 

When they meet others from a different perspective (but same intensity) they appreciate the difference in others. 

Isn’t really one to instigate hang outs unless they planned for it, actually has lazy days. But depending on their chart, what they refer to as ‘lazy day activity’ can be very different from the norm. 

Would still include private/personal time a lone where they go out and just, day-dream and be in nature. Likes to think of themselves as music video people (scenarios) or take in a different atmosphere (change is always preferred in order to ‘restart’/’refresh’). 

Chaotic Beings, sometimes likes to do things for the sake of dramatics/pettiness. Subtle about it at first. Seems normal. But makes sure the conclusion is a ‘plot twist’ in a natural way. Likes to play on this ‘not everything is as it seems’ kind of vibe. Doesn’t take things too ‘over the top’.  Punch of wittiness to them. Likes to keep people guessing (mysteriousness but with a directness/sincerity to them) 

Can’t hide their quirkiness when they’re excited, tends to be self-conscious of themselves. It’s not like, bad self-decrepitating stuff though. 

Most of their quirkiness comes from their open-mindedness, they’ve learnt a lot and accept alot from others. So the self-conscious thing is mostly forgetting to ‘test’ the waters out if the other person is close-minded/not as open-minded as they are. 

Realize a lot of things are based around experience and willingness to trust others/people’s narrative. So it’s more like ‘will I have to defend this person’s experience? if the person i’m talking to is close-minded obviously they’re in the wrong. But to what extent am I going to argue/teach them a different perspective?’

It’s either one way or another with them making decisions in the end: 1) wing it or 2) plan it beforehand

Tired sometimes but is unwilling to acknowledge it, if their body can move then they will move.

Prefers getting out of personal funks by doing things rather than waiting for their mood to shift. 

So it’s of personal belief that if they start doing something then their mood will shift, that’s why they ‘wing it’ sometimes. But if they feel totally unprepared they’re not push-overs about it to themselves, they’ll just say no to a plan if they have to.   

Wants to do ~cool things~ like surf/skate mostly because they like the idea of moving motion/cruising through areas

Has a thing for wind rushing past them, adrenaline junkies even when they’re not hardcore about it (people think adrenaline junkies are super hard core when Sag Rising are out here doing the least but hyping up the emotional satisfaction/idea of the act they get from it)

Enjoy changes the most, that’s why they like the wind thing. In people as well. Change feels like a ‘lift off’ experience, pulls them into a new place every time. 

Walks….everywhere. If it doesn’t require climbing they’ll get there. Can go on hikes a lot, or just traveling in general. Doesn’t mind company but would rather do it a lone at first. 

Likes to have knowledge of their surroundings, makes ‘notes’ on things in their mind and can often want to blend in with the locals (even if they stand out, they relish in the difference) 

First order of operation is to familiarize themselves, either by surroundings, activities, routine. etc. They just want to feel comfortable having a place to go to/things to do that they feel accepted in. (depends on other placements, like sun-moons and venus as well)

Has a ‘friendly’ face/aura, so they might find themselves attracting company even in foreign places.

Usually these are good companies, they’re flighty by nature (especially asc) so they tend to stay far from danger. 

Not as much of a dumbass as you think they are, people who know them tends to worry for them when they have to go to new places/be a lone. 

Sagittarius are survivalists generally. They have good/sharp common sense when they’re experiencing ‘new things’, they’re just obtuse to a lot of other more sensitive/detailed stuff when they’re ‘used to it’. 

Sometimes they’re just….intentionally oblivious. Like ‘if I just ignore it then it doesn’t affect me emotionally’ – which is life-saving in a lot of situation they’re in. 

They’re honest about it though. Kinda simple fools? Sincerity is always the key with Sag ASC/Rising, they’re never not sincere/honest to others. That was done intentionally. But they’re a lot more layered/complex than people give them credit for, and that’s what hurts them most and what they’re defensive about (which is why they get so self-preachy sometimes, just wants compliments and validation from others).  

Part of the problem why they lack tact. Sometimes it’s unintentional and sometimes it’s a consequence of their mindset/thinking.

They attract strangers who don’t know them but feel like they could trust them/relatable to them, so it’s more about safety in numbers rather than an available prey. 

Of the general belief that being open-minded to stranger is the nicest courtesy, puts extra effort into listening to people. Eye-contact and contribution to the conversation galore. 

Great first-impression people (if placements/aspects are all uncomplicated as well)

Has layers of ‘relatability’: depending on how well the other person handles their sass, group people into separate cliques that they hang out with. 

The ones they open up to are the people who genuinely make them feel like they’re accepted as they are for who they are, they can’t categorize them into cliques because the other people surpasses all their expectations (forgiveness, able to see past their foolishness, genuine tolerance and love for them even when they messed up)

Talks ALOT about people they love, particularly their best qualities. Is super proud of their friends and the people around them. Even if they acknowledge the bad parts, they’ll tend to hype up the good as a defense thing. 

In their minds, they’re already networking people together. Can often have thoughts like ‘oh, this person will get along so well with this other person’ – and then they want to open that gate up for people. 

Can KNOW if another person is a Sagittarius rising. Although they’re obtuse to other’s feelings most of the time (try as they might, they’re still kind of ‘occupied’ in a lot of ways) if they have strong aspects/placements that indicate intuition, they can ‘vibe out’ another usually. 

Kind of hard on themselves, unexpectedly. 

Particularly when they get really excited about stuff/can’t control their happiness. Scold themselves a lot when they get like this. 

Third person perspective looking in at themselves and criticizing themselves sometimes. But cannot stop their own action so they just– exasperated about it. 

Doesn’t always understand what it is they want to change to, but feels like they’re stagnant in a way (especially because of excitement which is??? so hard on themselves for no apparent reason)

When it comes to other people, they’re always genuinely touched by those who show tolerance/forgiveness for them. When they think they’re being ‘annoying’ or ‘too much’ (themselves) or acting rather ‘foolishly’ (self-preaching) and the other person just takes it and are willing to still be friends with them. They are genuinely touched and cares more about these kind of people. 

Doesn’t like pessimism. At all. Might think they can tolerate pessimism. But pessimism demonstrated by another person that has any signs of feeling ‘defeated’ or close-mindedness – Sagittarius ASC/rising will absolutely not tolerate it.   

Sometimes they get really nervous/anxious for hang out and just kinda flakes on it, or the activity doesn’t seem fun/they’re not planned for it they can easily just not go. Honesty, in a way. But also frustrates another person. 

Always the voice of (sometimes hesitant) optimism when their friends are all being kind of down, tries to inject new motivation ideas/mood into group setting in order to ‘fire’ others up. 

The type who smiles and you just kind of have to cheer up because they’re so genuinely nice and ‘doing their best’ with everything? 

People who tries the hardest/doing their best (apparent) but still has to face their personal demons (running away, flightiness, intentional obliviousness, self-defense stuff) so you know they’re sincere even though they’re imperfect.  

Not as party animals as you think they are, but they do tend to have a ‘wing it’ or ‘eh why not’ kind of mentality which enables people to see/view them that way (not their intention, just people’s perception of them)

Likes to be socially accepted, can ‘front’ or hype up certain activities that they do even though they don’t even genuinely like the sort of thing. 

That’s why change is so important, because if they’re socially accepted first, then they can integrate the things they genuinely do enjoy into being accepted as well. 

Loves telling stories of their past experience, this is mostly why they don’t mind company when they go out. They can’t remember everything that’s happened to them and they need confirmation/validation from their friend that said event was fun/interesting enough to tell others. 

Knows which person/people to take with them on journeys/adventures, just wants to have conversations with people and feel ‘bonded’ – those are the stories they want to have the most. 

Not even a ‘group-setting’ kind of person, more of a ‘want to be bond/feel good’ around those people kind of person. 

Activities are just things to facilitate ‘bonds’ and they’re just hoping the other person will come through with the other half, the fulfillment they need from the act they provide. Half-half kind of deal.  

Embarks on new hobbies or ‘try things out’ fairly often, does things sporadically. But tends to carry through (even though it takes years to continue, time is just a passage that means nothing to them if they aren’t stopped by death)

Anxious/nervous energy, more so than people tend to realize. Spontaneous nature comes from there. Likes the change of pace.

I hope this answers your questions! 💕 Alot of the Sag ASC/Rising stuff does seem to apply to Tae (on first impression), but I’m still going to caution everyone not to take rising signs without their entire placement/aspects into consideration. If the person doesn’t tell you their rising themselves, maybe we should place less significance on it and focus on what we have instead? That’s just my personal thoughts on the stuff anyways. Thanks for sending in the ask again! 💕

Wanna One as Construction Workers

* Idek I was thinking about Sungwoon and this came up. I thought about everything in my head while my mother and I were going to Rite-Aid. Idk I hope you like it? 

Disclaimer: Might be horrible

Jisung

The boss

Gathering everyone in a group hug first thing in the morning

Probably plays slow chill music in the morning when everyone is starting off their daily duties (IDK OKAY) 

Constantly trying to make sure everything is done before the deadline

Doesn’t understand why he was stuck with the crew he’s with

Literally has to keep an eye on everyone

Buys them food after a long and hard day of work

“Jisung this is why you are the Boss” - Daniel while stuffing kimbap in his mouth

Always the last one to leave to make sure all his crew is alright :’)

“Guanlin you can’t stand in the middle of the construction zone” 

Kinda wants to do the work himself because the others play around too much

Shouldn’t but picks up the slack

When he isn’t yelling and nagging at the others he’s known to do this thing where he just sits there staring off to space

“Maybe he’s wondering where we hid his trailer keys?” -Ongniel :’)

Eats his lunch alone so he can look after the rest of the crew from afar

His mom brings his lunch and he loves it. 

Home cooked meals for lunch break

Also another reason why he eats alone

Continiously saying 

“Where the hell is Daehwi and Jinyoung?!”

Daniel

Does his work well

Only when Ong isn’t partnered up with him or when Ong comes around

“Daniel and Ong can you both stop trying to glue Jaehwan’s tools to the wood panel” -Jisung 

The one that takes off his work attire to reveal himself in a white wife beater 

“It’s too hot” -Daniel

“HOT DAMN!” -Ong in the distant

Daniel brings the girls to the construction zone~

“Please stay away from the construction zone. It is dangerous you civilians” - Minhyun with a megaphone

Packs himself sandwiches and ramen

Ends up tracking in cats 

They’ve adopted Daniel as their Kitty Leader (LOL KITTY PUN) 

Feeds them 

After the first couple of times he ended up bringing cat food and treats with him to work 

“What does this taste like?”

Looks forward to lunch break because KITTY TIME~

“Maybe if I figure a way to control these cats to do my work then-”

“DANIEL STOP PLAYING WITH THOSE DARN CATS. I DON’T PAY YOU TO DO THAT”

“IS THAT A CHALLENGE” 

Ends up apologizing saying it was a joke but everyone knows it isn’t

Jihoon

Kinda does what he’s suppose to do?

No one believes he gets anything done

“Are you sure you work here” -Ong

Woojin and him has this thing that when they pass each other while working they look at each

Drop their equipment 

Wrestle to see who flips the other one onto the ground first

Loser has to do a dare

“Go to Jisung and ask him if he dropped his pockets. If he says ‘where?’ throw these at him”

*Shoves a bag full of un-sewn pockets @ Woojin* 

“Why the hell do you have this?”

The girls that walk by always call out to him

Shy af but tries very hard not to be (you’re doing great bby)

They probably bring him lunch tbh 

“WOOJIN PICK UP THESE FUCKEN UN-SEWN POCKETS”

“IT WAS JIHOON’S IDEA”

“I’M CUTTING BOTH  YOUR PAY”

Ong Seongwoo

FUCKS AROUND 

But surprisingly gets the stuff he needs done

“Wow I can’t believe you got this part done”

“I know not everyone can be as amazing as me”

*Flips the long hair he doesn’t have*

Shamelessly flirts with all the girls that walks by the fence of the construction zone

Takes lunch from them 

Well they offer it to him

He loves it b/c free food

They don’t mind because Ong is super handsome and sweet 

“If your man ain’t treating you right, then let that Mango.” *Fruit Pun

“And come to me” ;)

“ONG, IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE SCREWING ANYTHING IT BETTER BE WITH THOSE SCREWDRIVERS AND THAT BOARD” 

Dances during the lunch break with Woojin on the metal pole to entertain everyone

“If I were a stripper, my stripper name would be-”

“WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING STRIPPER NAMES” - Jisung & Minhyun

Also

“My favorite weather is rain. I wont be taking hail” (B/c Cash is rain and hailing is coins? Get it? No? Okay...)

Favorite tool is the staple gun because of Sungwoon

Wants to shoot it at Woojin but he knows the company’s insurance would probably go higher 

So he throws pebbles at Woojin while he’s working

Woojin is a total clueless dork 

“WHO TF KEEP THROWING SHIT AT ME”

“JIHOON YOU ASSHOLE��

Enjoys his job :)

Woojin

Like I said does that weird ass thing with Jihoon

“YOU’RE FUCKEN CHEATING”

“I don’t need to cheat when I can easily win. Now kiss my boot and do your dare”

When he doesn’t do that thing with Jihoon, he’s actually very productive

Probably the most hardworking worker Jisung has

Probably does all the work honestly 

Like I said dances with Ong during their lunch break 

On a metal pole

They both probably dance to something like Apple bottom jeans or Yeah! by Usher

“ApPle BoTtoM JeAnNnssSSsSs BoOTs WIth ThE fuRrRrrRRRrr” *Drops it down low*

Daniel records it because Ong & him made a bet that he would get carried away

They use it against him to do their work too :’) 

Poor Woojin 

Steals Ong’s desserts as pay back

“WHERE IS MY PUDDING CUPS” 

“DANIEL ARE YOU FEEDING THE CATS MY PUDDING CUPS. YOU TRADER”

“WOOJIN SAID IT WAS HIS”

“FUCK FUCK FUCK” 

Jaehwan

Follows around Minhyun

No one really knows what he does

Or why he’s there?

“Good morning Minhyun how was your day so far”

“He doesn’t even go here!” -Ong in the distant

A bat that hangs off of Minhyun’s shoulder

“So what are you doing now?”

“I’M LOOKING AT THE BLUE PRINTS JAEHWAN, NOW GO DO YOUR WORK YOU LEACH”

“Hey Minhyun are you going out for lunch”

“I’M GOING TO THE RESTROOM. LET ME PEE IN PEACE” 

Probably sings while he works

Like the seven dwarfs 

Okay like all the time

Suggests Karaoke every time after work

Likes beating everyone

“MAIn VOCaL maIN RaPEr iN yOur aReA~” 

Wins all the time 

No one likes going 

“BUT there’s soju and beer” 

*finger points snaps* 

“You’re too cheap to pay all the time tho” -Minhyun

Minhyun

The pusher

Usually has that expressionless face while working

Everyone is kinda afraid of him 

He just nags everyone alot 

“This place is so fucken dirty.”

“You work at a construction site Minhyun” -Jisung

Like there’s Jisung and on top of that is Minhyun 

“Just do you work”

“JuST dO yUoR WoRK” 

Girls come for him too 

But he learned to ignore it 

“Minhyun! You look so handsome today!!”

“Ong I think those girls are making whale noises for you. You should go see if they need help”

He honestly just wants to get his work done

And go home

To nap? Sleep?

The “Why am I here” worker

Mentally refers to everyone as “peasant” besides Daehwi, Guanlin, Jinyoung, and Jisung

He probably writes poems during his break

Concrete is gray. 

Ply woods sucks.

I would hit these annoying mother fucks :)

~ 9/4/17 Minhyun  

Sungwoon

Cant do much because of his height

Works hard af to make up for it :’) 

When Jisung has the music on in the morning he does a weird dance challenge with Ong 

It’s different with Woojin

Sungwoon does it with a staple gun and a nail gun

Inside jokes

“Yeah Sungwoon can definitely NAIL IT together for you Jisung”

“You both are idiots”

*Body rolls with a staple gun*

Up for Karaoke with Jaehwan

The night is mostly spent with them both competing each other 

They could sing all night tbh

Probably do high note battles while working 

“STOP WITH YOUR MATING CALLS AND GET BACK TO BUILDING THE REST OF THAT SIDE OF THE WALL”

“WE’LL STOP IF YOU SHARE SOME OF YOUR MOTHER’S COOKING WITH US FOR LUNCH. WE KNOW WHY YOU SIT ALONE.”

Daehwi

An inter? Temp? I guess  

Does the minimal

“Guanlin why does one of the workers keep staring at me?”

Doesn’t really know what’s happening through out the day 

Follows along with whatever Jisung says

Just does random wild goose chase errands that the workers make him do

B/c no one wants this boy to get hurt?

“Daehwi I need you to find Jisung’s pockets”

“Jihoon isn’t his pockets on hi-”

“Look Ik this is life or death situation. The world is now in your hands alright. Now go buy a bunch of un-sewn pockets”

Became best friends with Jinyoung 

Disappears with Jinyoung (according to Jisung)

“OMFG HOW I CAN LOSE 2 CHILDREN. QUICK WHAT’S THAT NOISE THAT HUMAN BABIES MAKE TO LET THEIR MOTHER KNOW WHERE THEY’RE AT.”

“Cry?”

“Yeah that”

They get distracted a lot along the way

Goes out to eat

Sight seeing

Buys un-sewn pockets

Then eats ice cream along the way

“Jihoon I got you, your drugs”

“wHAT”

“I’m kidding here’s your un-sewn pockets”

Jinyoung

Quietly does his shit 

“Ong why does one of the new kid keeps looking at me?”

They became best friends :’) #JINHWI

Quickly does his work so he could run off with Daehwi

He actually doesn’t have as much work compared to the others

“WHY IS HE GOOD AT EVERYTHING” -Ong Probably

Knows his tools surprisingly 

His work sometimes consist of cleaning and unjamming the tools that Daniel, Ong, Jihoon, Sungwoon, and Woojin did :’) 

“How tf do you get a carrot stuck in the screw driver Ong”

“Look I was curious okay. Don’t question my validity” 

A handy man 

Constantly says to himself “How did I get this job?”

Always has dirt and smug on his face 

“Where is it”

*Wipes more on his face with his dirty gloves*

The girls fangirl over him too 

But he has ear plugs in purposely 

He would get shy if he actually hears what they’re hollering 

“Jinyoung! Is your voice deeper than the ocean!?”

Guanlin

Inter temp person with Daehwi 

They got the job together 

Their parents knows Jisung so they got hooked up for the Summer 

Their parents said “It’ll be good for your resumes”

He comes into work dressed all nicely but Jisung learned to give and have a spare set of clothes 

Comes into work with Starbucks frap in one hand and a chocolate croissant in the other

Makes sure to bring one to Jihoon in the morning

Asks his mom to make another lunch box for Jihoon

Gets upset that Jihoon has girls offering him lunch too 

Wonders around the construction site most of the time 

You’ll constantly hear “Guanlin you can’t stand in the middle of the construction zone” 

Can’t find Daehwi because MISSING

Sometimes he just sits near Jihoon and watch him work and fool around 

It’s more entertaining than filing paper work with Minhyun and Jisung

The one that constantly asks Jisung for money because he’s hungry and ate all what his mom packed him. 

Ends up seeing Jinhwi together

The Blog Writer

Genre: little tiny bit angst/smut... yeah mostly just smut/fluff at the end

word count: 4.1K and 17444 Characters [A/N: idk why I put that there but the website where I looked up my word count also gave me this information. I thought it was cool.]

Paring: JungkookXreader

Warnings/keywords: losing virginity; so it’s a bit cute; kitchen scene is attending the party; anal; sex because of need; eventually turns into fluff though; oral; vanilla-sex; climaxing on body parts; cutie Jungkook; IF UR UNDERAGED ‘u better watch out, you better not cry’ AFTER READING THIS STORY, CAUSE I AM WARNING YOU RIGHT NOW.

Summary: You are the most famous Jungkook smut-writer, but Jeon Jungkook himself isn’t quiet happy about it himself. For him, on a drunk night, there is one way to fix his problem and then is to visit you.

A/N: I haven’t really ever told you guys, but you can always leave an request if you want! One day, I will run out of ideas... but than I can just use your cool ideas so yeahhhhhh. BYE xoxo ~gossip girl

As soon as the school bell rang, you quickly packed your things and walked fastly out of the classroom. You got your things out of your locker and then ran out of the school building.

You were excited, because you had an new idea for an smut story. 

You got the idea during math class, where your hot teacher was explaining something, but you didn't care much and began to fantasize about the teacher. You suddenly saw the teacher changing into Jungkook, so you were quick to make an note in your phone, not wanting to forget about the idea.

As soon as you came into your apartment, you got to your laptop and immediately began writing.

The story was meant for you blog. You have a lot of followers and a lot of people liked your stories. You upload almost every day around 7 o'clock, just like today. The writing usually takes 1 to 2 hours and it has around the 4K words. At first, you just was that innocent girl, but now that you’ve been writing this stuff you’ve become a lot bolder. 

You sigh as you clicked on the 'upload'-button and then got yourself some hot chocolate. After that, you also got yourself some food and then went to go have an shower.

As you walk out of the bathroom, having a towel wrapped around your torso, your door bell rings.

You: 'Ahh, that must be unnie.'

You walked towards the door while smiling brightly.

You opened the door. Your smile suddenly disappeared into thin air. 

Am I hallucinating right now? How is Jeon Jungkook in front of my door? Did I miss something? Like a secret life I don't know of myself?

Jungkook is standing in front of you with widened eyes. He stares you down and then up at your eyes again. You just froze on your place, not daring to make any movements.

Jungkook: 'Uhmm, it would be more comfortable to talk when you are dressed...' he says nervously.

It can talk. Oh god it is him. But why? And how?

You dragged yourself out of your spot as you signaled him to come inside, still wide-eying him. He smiles awkwardly and walked inside. He sits on your couch and you sit next to you

Jungkook: 'Why aren't you going to change?'

You look at him for a moment before finally daring to talk

You: 'Oh, you're right. Wait here for a minute, or something.'

This is a dream. This can't be true. The famous Jeon Jungkook is in my apartment right now. All these thoughts walked through your mind after getting yourself some clothes and walking into the bathroom

After you quickly got your clothes on, you went back to your small livingroom

Seeing Jungkook sitting there in his glory made you a bit shook again, still not thinking that this could be real.

You sit next to him again and he began to speak.

Jungkook: 'The reason why I am here today, is because of your stories. I excitingly got on your tumblr account and there were some really dirty stories written about me. I want you to take them down, I'm uncomfortable with them.'

You stare at him for a second, progressing the information.

He wants me to delete the stories? But I've put alot of efford in it... I will let people down... He might not realize it, but it is something I really love...

You: 'I... Don't want to delete it...' You say hesitatingly. You don't know how you survived that sentence, but you know what you want right now. You really like that blog and you've made effort to make the stories. You also feel a certain 'you-are-not-my-boss-just-because-you-are-famous'-feeling.

Jungkook's expression changed to a more angry one. Jungkook: 'If I say no, it is no. You hear me?' He almost yells out loud.

You: 'Why are you even making this such a big deal? Have you never seen any of these stories before? I'm not the only one.' You blurded out with confidence dripping off your words.

Jungkook: 'Do you want to know the real story? The hyungs have actually been torturing me because of your stories. You only write about me and you are almost all over tumblr. You are also very pretty, what I once said to my hyungs, and then they started irritating me.'

At his last breath, you finally noticed why he is acting like this.

You: 'How low can an celebrity sink, drinking and crying like an little baby about something this little?' You sigh out, making him more mad than he already was.

Jungkook then grabs your wrist and pinned you down on the couch while he hovers on top of you. You let out a small scream. He looks at you with threatening eyes. You can see his sweat dripping down his face and as you look down as his pants, you can see the slight boner poking.

Jungkook: 'How far can you sick? Letting an men inside your apartment, he drunk and you half-naked opening the front door.'  

He looks straight into your eyes, making you to admire his face. His appearance is flawless, but it is his internally that has to be flawless. You push him away from you and you stood up.

You: ‘What the fuck are you planning right now, because it isn’t working as you see. Go home and handle your little problem there, I have better things to do.’

Jungkook: ‘Like, making another dirty story about me? Just take it down already, I can go home then.’ He says annoyingly.

You: ‘You don’t know how important that blog is for me. It could’ve been someone else whom I would write about, but you are just easier to imagine.’ You confess. Although you hate to confess it, it is true. Because of his big thighs, flawless features and a dick that is pretty noticable through the pictures you've seen.

Jungkook: ‘Why? Is it that obvious that my dick is big or something? Can you imagine it better? Can you imagine my body better than other kpop-stars? This is just gross.’

You look around violently, trying to come up with a good come back.

He suddenly stands up from his place and put his hands on your shoulders. He pushed you back until your back found the refrigerator. You stared into his beautiful eyes, not knowing what action to take.

Jungkook: ‘I can let it slide, under one condition.’

You froze on your place as your mind wandered off to all kinds of scenarios that you’ve written. You’ve actually written a scenario like this.

Jungkook: ‘that we’re going to do one of your scenario’s.’

Oh, so this was his real reason to come here?

He closed the gab between your hips, making you feel his erection poking on your clothed hood. You gasped a bit while looking away from his eyes.

Jungkook: ‘You’re 19 right? So it won’t be a problem.’ He says as he moved closer near your ear.

Jungkook: ‘Do you want to know a little secret?’ He whispers into your ear.

You just hold still, blood reaching your cheeks, making them redder than they already were.

Jungkook: ‘I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I knew from the pictures that you were gorgeous, so I wanted to confirm that by coming over.’

You feel the heath reaching your whole body, but mostly at a certain part of your body. You are already getting wet for him and you aren’t even holding it back. You are making a decision right now. To give your virginity to a celebrity who you aren’t really loving, or not to do it.

Jungkook: ‘Every day, when I needed to relieve myself, I thought about you. Your smooth skin, beautiful eyes and your cute lips.’

You: ‘Then, if I’m going to do this with you, are you just gonna throw me away? I feel like I’m going to be wronged. Getting my hopes up for feelings that never existed.’

With that said, he looked into your eyes again and you can see a slight concern washing over his face. His hand went up to your cheek and he softly stroked it. He then leaned in and gave you a soft peck. His lips are perfectly capturing yours and it felt like you could sink into his touch.

Jungkook: ‘I would never do that. I may have done that in the past, but I’ve been longing for you too long to let go.' He says sweetly, but you know that he is drunk and that he is saying words carelessly. But you are actually beginning not to care anymore. You want him and you can see that Jungkook senses that too. He picks you up and placed you on the dining table. He moved your skirt upwards while he kneeled down in front of you.

Jungkook: ‘I knew it. You didn’t put on panties.’

Wut. How can I forget-... Well, it’s only easier now I guess.

He looks up at you as he moved closer to your exposed entrance. You now became even wetter for him and as he placed an kiss on your wetness. He looks at your changing expression as you began to moan because of his little touch. You are really sensitive right now and he is totally going to use that fact. He partens your lips and flicks his tongue over your clit, making you shiver and gasp loudly. Your hips buckle forward, wanting to feel more friction. His tongue got down to your entrance and inserted his tongue into you. You close your eyes as you let out another loud moan. His tongue goes in and out of you in a quick pace, almost making you see stars. He then stops and moved up to your level again. He smirks while giving you a quick peck. You want to whine, but he was quick to cut you off.

Jungkook: ’Shall I replace it with my dick?’ He asks seductively.

You nod slowly.

His smirk only grew as he grabs your ass, signaling you to wrap your legs around his waist, so you did. He brought you to the bed, what was only 4 steps away and let you fall on the bed as he took a step back again.

Jungkook: ‘Have you ever seen a idol stripping in front of you?’ He asks hungrily as his hands began to undo his belt. You shook your head as your eyes wandered down to his belt. As soon as he undid his belt, he got rid of his shirt and then his jeans. He threw the clothes somewhere into the room, making you breath to hitch.

Jungkook: ‘Can you get rid of this please?’ He says as he points at his boxers. You scooted forward to him and you placed your hands on the edge of his boxers. You slowly pulled them down over his hips and his muscular thighs. His erection sprang free and you let out a gasp. You look up at him a bit scared, but he immediately stroked his hand over your head.

Jungkook: ‘It isn’t your first time right?’

Your eyes widen even more. Is that a problem? Doesn’t he want to have me when I’m not skilled enough?

Jungkook: ‘Wait, you haven’t? Is this really your first time?’

You nod shortly as you began to grow scared for his reaction. But to your surprise, his look softened.

Jungkook: ’That means that I get to be your first. I will be slow on you my baby girl.’ He says sweetly.

He pulls his boxers fully down and hovered above you. He straddles your thighs and you can feel his dick touching your thigh. He gives you a little peck again and then put his hands on the edge of your shirt. He pulls them up and off, making your breasts to expose immediately, because you didn’t put on a bra either. His hands roamed over your sides and then up to your breasts. He makes circles around your nipples while watching your expression closely, not wanting to do anything wrong with your body. 

He moved closer to your chest and then put his mouth around your nipple, flicking his tongue over it. Your head moved back as you tensed under him. You liked the feeling and Jimin immediately made a note of that. He then moved away again and turned your whole body around until you laid on your stomach. He sipped down your skirt and got rid of it. 

You are now fully exposed to him. 

He looked to up and down, already falling in love with every little part of you.

Jungkook: 'I made the right decision.' He sighs to himself.

He then hovers back up to your face and immediately began to bite your lower lip, making you groan in anticipation. His tongue slowly runs over your pressured lip and then sucked violently on it. You arch your back as you closed your eyes because of the sudden pleasure you received. Then he pulled back a bit, slowly brushing your lips together and breathing loudly.

'Your lips are so delicious.’ He sighs before pulling you into a heathen and rough kiss. Your tongues immediately intertwined and massaged against each other softly. His hands went from your hips up to your breasts again as he slowly becomes addicted to your soft skin. You softly groan into the kiss as you quietly whisper his name through it. He moans softly in response, making your core drip.

He pulls away from you as he gasped for air. You just look at him with full lust as you wait for him to do something to you.

‘Are you sure?’ He suddenly asks. Your expression changed from an lust-full one to an questionable one. ‘I don’t want to force anything upon you actually, I just got a bit too caught int the momen-.’  He couldn’t finish the sentence because of your sudden action to him.

You had grabbed his length in your hands and immediately loved the warm and soft texture of his erected dick. You slowly began to slide your fingers up and down his shaft. His breathing is becoming heavier with every pump. Only the way he is breathing can make you come twice without touching yourself.

His body is still perfectly hovered above you as he leans his head down on your shoulder by the receiving pleasure. ‘Fuck (y/n)… Just like that…’ He whispers into your ear. You can feel the goosebumps rilling up your spine by the air that left his mouth.

He slowly began to thrust his member into your hand out of instincts while groaning loudly. You are getting wetter with the moment and you are becoming very impatient. 

The aching feeling between your legs need attention, so you stopped your movements on his dick. He began to whine irritated, but got shut as you move up a little. You exposed entrance is now right in front of his erection. He makes eye contact, not looking sure about the whole thing suddenly.

‘Don’t worry, I want this as much as you do.’ You smile at him.

He sighs out of relieve, even though he isn’t really satisfied with your encouragements yet. He then grabs your knees and pushed them forwards to create more room for him. His hands rested on your thighs and positioned himself in front of your entrance. His eyes were fixed on your expression the whole time and when he knew that you were ready, he pushed himself inside of you slowly. He wanted you to feel every inch of him, but not to make you grow pain because of it. 

The moment that his tip had found its way in, he placed his hands beside your body and hovered perfectly over you.

’Say it when it hurts.’ He says with concern. You nod while crossing your legs together on his back. He then slowly pushed inside of you further, still watching your expressions closely. He is stretching you out to the fullest, making it quiet painful for you but still enjoyable. You close your eyes as you tried not to concentrate on the pain.

Jungkook smoothly thrusts himself inside of you for the last few inches and then held still. Your back has arched slightly as you made a slide moan escape you mouth. You feel that he is giving you the time to adjust and to calm down a bit. The way he moves makes it seem like he is some what experienced, what you’re a little bit shocked of. But he is still a guy with needs and there are a lot of pretty girls around him, he may seem innocent but he really is not.

He breathes loudly and his gaze is fixed on yours. You just look into each others eyes while feeling the way that your bodies are connected with each other. He looks lustfully but still sincere at you, making you question yourself if he might be into you in a more personal way.

‘You look so beautiful under my body, baby.’ He whispers.

There appeared an smile on your face. ‘You can move Jungkook.’

He narrows his eyes a bit, taking his time to inspect your expression if it was really okay for him to move. After your gave him an approving nod he finally began to steady himself proper on his knees, sitting straight while grabbing your hips to press against his body. the sudden action made you yelp a little bit, making him groan by your cute noises.

’I swear the god I’m going to fuck you all night.’ He mumbles under his breath.

He then suddenly slowly began to pull out of you, only to slam back into you with a great force. You moan loudly while closing your eyes tightly by the sudden overloading pleasure. He looks at your expression closely before repeating the same action for the second time, this time making your back to arch and your breath to hitch loudly. The sounds and the movements your body produced woke a beast up in his body, so he began to thrust a lot faster into you. His thrusts are deep and steady and was already looking for your g-spot. The skin slapping noises along with the smell of sex began to fill the room slowly.

You were moaning loudly and grabbed the sheets under your body. Every thrusts of his dick into your entrance made an certain feeling growing into your insides.

You look up at him, directly into his eyes. His eyes got addicted to your body and how it moved against his body. The way you are moaning and yelling his name while he is thrusting harshly inside of you, made him even hornier than before. He grabs your bouncing breast with one hand and slowly pinched your nipple, making you sigh out of pleasure. He was slight amazed by the affection that he has on you while doing these kind of things to you.

Then he suddenly pulls out of you and turned you around on your stomach, making you gasp loudly by the sudden action. He straddles your body again and thrusts into you from behind. The new angle made it easier for him to thrust down and to hit your g-spot with every powerful thrust he gives you. His hands hovered over your body and came closer to your ear, gently breathing onto the exposed skin. ‘Baby… You are so tight and beautiful.’

You groaned in response and turned your head to his side, immediately planting an long and lustful kiss what makes you gasping for ear afterwards. His thrusts are becoming sloppier with the second and his breath his becoming heavier. He was nearing the end and honestly, you were too. He then snakes his hand down your sides down to your core, you arching your back to give him more room. His hand slides over your clit, letting the feeling in your stomach increase a lot faster than normally. His other hand is holding firmly onto your hip and you know for sure that it will leave bruises for the next morning, but you love the idea.

‘J-Jungkook…’ You whine into his ear. 

He groans loudly again, loving the way his name roll of your tongue. 

‘fuck (y.n)… ‘

You can feel the bed moving along with you and making slight noises by the force that Jungkook is putting into his hips. ’Say my name again (y/n)…’ He demands and you obeyed.

‘Jungkook daddy…’ You moan as he hit your g-spot again.

‘Oh my god (y/n), do that again…’ He almost cried out loud.

His hand which have been remaining onto your clit got up to your hips, along with the other hand. He forcefully pushed you closer to him every time that he pounds into you, making the whole thing a lot intenser. Your climax has almost reached its destiny and you know that Jungkook is close too.

‘Daddy… I need to cum…’ You say breathingly. You hear him groan at the moment that you called him daddy, but began to reach for your g-spot after you said that. 

‘Daddy-ahh… Fuck.’ You moan out loud. He hovers above you and placed an little kiss on your exposed shoulder.

’Then come for me baby.’ He whispers into your ear.

He thrusts into you for a few more times strongly before you can feel your climax wash over you, moaning and groaning loudly. Jungkook kept his pace for a few more thrusts before pulling out and coming on your back. He let out a few groans as you can feel the liquid slide down the small of your back. 

He was quick to lay beside you and to calm down himself before standing up again and to get something to clean you up with. After he cleaned you up, he laid beside you again and pulled you tightly against him by your surprise.

‘I really don’t know what to say…’ He says while looking into your eyes.

‘I sobered up at the moment that I was ready to fuck you… I’m so sorry about this mess. I wasn’t planning on this and-.’

You cut him off by placing your lips against his soft lips. You slowly move against his lips and after that slowly licking his lips. ‘I don’t care anymore, I’m just great full that the jeon jungkook wanted to be my first…’ You say suddenly a bit shyly. 

He looks down at your reddened cheeks and suddenly began to smile at you, making you to look up at his eyes.

‘You’re really cute you know?’ He let out a chuckle.

He pulls you even closer to his body now.  His arms are so comfortable and warm as his scent is spreading across the room. But then you sighed.

‘You will probably be gone tomorrow… This was or a dream, or an one-time-only kind of thing…’ You sigh to yourself.

He frowns and looks questionable at you before turning back to an smirk. ‘Do you really think I would leave you? I just had the best climax since years, I can use someone to help me with that.’ He laughs.

‘I’m actually also looking for a girlfriend, since I’m going to produce my own songs in a while, but I basically don’t really have had an relationship yet…’ He says a bit shyly, making you the one to chuckle this time.

‘Aww, our little jungkook didn’t have a girlfriend before? I guess that I can help you then.’ You say teasingly. He only chuckles while placing an soft kiss on your forehead.

‘Jagiya.’ He suddenly says.

You looked first a bit shocked at him, but then you giggled loudly. It felt so weird, but it made you  happy and excited at the same time. Jungkook also had to giggle as he pushed your head into his chest.

‘You’re not going to escape from me (y/n), because I won’t ever let you.’

A/N: HOPE YOU LOVED THIS ONE~ it took me so long to write this though T-T

I did half marathons and triathlons years ago! Stopped then for a while just do 5 and 10Ks now

(6-15-20) You both like conversation.

Stranger: Hi

You: hi

Stranger: How are you?

You: a little stressed but okay

Stranger: I hear you

You: wha about you?

Stranger: Pretty good thanks

You: anything on your mind?

Stranger: Not a lot, just in from a run

You: oh, thats nice

You: do you run a lot?

Stranger: Yeah pre lockdown, 3 times a week. A bit more now I guess to keep sane!

You: thats cool!

Stranger: you run too, eh?

You: no, not really... I guess I don't have quite the motivation

Stranger: Hey I hear that, We all go through spells like that! Running is great to unwind though

You: yeah, I normally go on long walks

You: but for some reason it's hard to bring myself to run

Stranger: That's absolutely fair! I know plenty like that. Running takes practice

You: did you run competitively before?

Stranger: I did half marathons and triathlons years ago! Stopped then for a while just do 5 and 10Ks now

You: wow

Stranger: Mainly for fun but do the odd event, Great buzz there especially at the 10Ks

You: that's really good for you

Stranger: Yeah thanks, Hope to another 10K or even 5K after all this madness! Not the same now just running by myself

You: mhm right

Stranger: What are you upto today then anyway?

You: mhm I came back from work

You: feeling tired

You: had a shift from 6 to 2 today

Stranger: Wow fair play, Really admire people going into work these days! What do you do?

You: research kinda

You: idk if there's much to admire though

You: some places are just opening up

Stranger: Yeah fair play, you like your work?

You: I like it when it isn't stressful haha

Stranger: Haha We can sing that! What sort of things do you research?

You: biology things, skin, that type of stuff

You: what do you do?

Stranger: Nice one, Sounds very impressive!

Stranger: I am a business manager

You: oh wow

You: that sounds especially impressive

Stranger: Thanks mate, Got a lucky break and promotion a few years back! Haha Love what I do though

You: that's great

You: what kind of area is your business in?

Stranger: It's a financial firm, That's my background

Stranger: Still do some finance and number work But I'm Over recruitment in the firm now and oversee how new grads and interns settle in

You: wow that sounds really impressive too haha

You: out of curiosity, what brings you to omegle?

Stranger: Thanks mate

Stranger: Just a quick Chat I guess, Needed a bit more of a break from home here, New on. You?

You: I guess just tired, possibly? decompressing?

You: do you ordinarily get good conversations here?

Stranger: Not really, Just my 3rd time on - Been lucky though and met an interesting person both last times. You?

You: ohh, it's mostly just up and down... omegle certainly has a bad reputation though

Stranger: I hear that Damn I Definitely met my fair share of bots and wasters before. Lucky tonight though, Just on

You: yeah I guess it's a good day!

You: if you don't mind me asking random questions, what are some misconceptions that people have about working in financial firms?

Stranger: Think we are all serious. Or that we make maths jokes... Neither of which are true

You: I think I had a family friend who was in finance, I heard he worked very long hours

You: I don't know much though

Stranger: Yeah That's pretty true actually, Wish it was a misconception!

You: aww haha

You: what makes it long hours?

Stranger: I generally start at 8 and I'm lucky if I'm out by 5, Sometimes it's after 6

Stranger: A lot of meetings, accounts, I give talks and workshops to new grads/interns/students etc. So that keeps me busy now too

You: huh and there's stuff you have to finish by the end of the day?

You: I feel like my perception is like people leaving after 8 or 9 or something

You: and then people going to get drinks

You: idk if that's completely off at all though lol

Stranger: Generally yes - We have to finish accounts by end of the day

Stranger: Sometimes I can leave planning a workshop or talk or getting back to emails till the next day but Then it builds up

You: right that would be bad

Stranger: Haha Yeah some of the guys do that Alright, We'd all feel like drinking after work at times

You: lol I don't really drink much (and I'm not very social) so I worry about how I come off if I decline hanging out like that

Stranger: Haha Hey mate, I rarely drink with them either to be honest - There's absolutely no pressure!

Stranger: I am always trying to convince co-workers to join me at the gym or running, Guess that makes me boring!

You: awww haha

You: yeah I'm never quite sure to what extent it counts as a work obligation or people just hanging out

Stranger: Hahaha No way is it an obligation buddy! We all have different commitments and interests in our life outside work!

You: like one time a supervisor I had when I was an intern invited me to hang out with his friends they were visiting a brewery

Stranger: That's a nice idea But I hope you didn't feel under pressure to show up

You: ah... I came up with an excuse

You: but I also worry about it making me seem cold

You: although I am fairly antisocial I think

Stranger: Hey That's no hassle - I am sure he absolutely understood, No way are you the first person who couldn't make it!

Stranger: Definitely doesn't make you antisocial either

You: ^^ I think I just don't really enjoy hanging out with people for some reason

You: I think omegle is nice because I don't have to go anywhere lool

You: and maybe it's low stakes too

Stranger: No problem with that buddy

Stranger: Where are you from?

You: us east

You: what about you?

Stranger: Nice one, Ireland here

You: ohh wow

You: my boss is irish

You: I heard it's very beautiful

Stranger: Haha No way, Very small world!

Stranger: Lovely countryside near me now alright - Very lucky! Hence I go running in it alot haha

Stranger: Tell me you get on well with your boss, eh?!

You: yup, she's nice

You: we are a big group though, and she's pretty busy

Stranger: I understand! Sounds great!

Stranger: Mind if I ask your name?

You: Mhmm I hope you're not offended if I don't share?

You: It's actually kind of unusual haha

Stranger: Absolutely No hassle! I understand it is a very personal question

You: some people tell me I should just make one up, but I prefer not to for some reaso

Stranger: It's all good

Stranger: Definitely appreciate the honesty far more

You: idk I think things are strange on omegle with its anonymity

Stranger: Spot on!

Stranger: I'm a guy anyway, Can tell you that

You: I don't really come to omegle for romantic purposes, so I hope you're not interested in anything

Stranger: Definitely not, I am only chatting

You: ^^ I've heard a lot of strange things on omegle lol

Stranger: I bet. That means you're a girl?

You: yup

Stranger: Cool

You: mhm it's just normal lol

You: I think it's interesting to hear about finance

You: I honestly don't know much about it at all

Stranger: Yep!

You: my younger brother was sort of interested in it

You: but then decided to do computer science

You: why did you choose finance btw?

Stranger: Oh Cool

You: I guess, what got you interested?

Stranger: I did a general business degree, I liked business at school

Stranger: And then specialised in finance

You: ohh interesting

You: do they have general business degree for university education?

Stranger: Yes

You: I feel like we don't have those at the undergraduate level in the US

You: most of our business schools are post-graduate

You: MBA

Stranger: I understand, We are lucky here Iguess

You: I wonder why a lot of things need post-graduate degrees here in the US

You: it's the same for medical education here I think

You: medical school is only after a bachelor's degree

Stranger: Yeah I have no idea

You: whereas almost everyone else in the world, you can go to medical school after high school

You: do you have anything you're passionate about, aside form running?

Stranger: Working out and playing football. Swimming a bit

You: oh I swam in high school

You: swimming is much more comfortable than running lol

You: at least in my opinion lol

Stranger: Haha yeah I hear you, Easier and more relaxing!

You: do you have a team you play football with?

Stranger: Yes!

Stranger: Probably my favourite thing to do, Really love it!

You: that's great!

You: are they your old team, or did you find a team?

Stranger: Yeah it's the same team I've played with all my life

You: wow it's nice that you're able to stay together

You: I feel like it is harder to find adult leagues of things once you grow up

Stranger: Yeah Absolutely! New members are always welcome on my team

You: Have there been many people who left over the years?

Stranger: But I understand what you mean, All our new players really are 16-18 and played on our kids teams for about 10 years

You: ahh

Stranger: Yes, People usually retire at about 30 and plenty give up as a teenager or in their 20s too

You: I feel like the intensity drops have high school / university too

You: or at least, that was my perception

You: *after

Stranger: For some yes, But not all! We still train very hard 2-3 times a week (pre-corona!)

You: wow haha

You: There was a master's swim team at the place I used to go to

You: but I remember always feeling like they were slow when I was in high school

You: but I'm probably slow now lololol

Stranger: Haha No I'm sure the masters are slow too!

Stranger: I actually took improver swimming lessons for adults before the lockdown, Loved them

Stranger: They are for adults who can swim But Would like to get better, Definitely recommend them to anyone!

You: that's cool

You: are your triathlons usually open water?

Stranger: Yes!

Stranger: They were that was a long time ago

Stranger: A long way off that now haha

Stranger: Of course the swimming instructor loved hearing I once did triathlons!

You: right

Stranger: For many years my swimming had been a 15 minute or so cool down after the gym

Stranger: I'm lucky the pool is at the gym But I Hadn't swam properly in years

You: mhm

You: I wonder when our gyms will reopen again

Stranger: Yeah Soon enough here

You: well, I think I will get going

You: it was really nice talking to you!

Stranger: Thanks very much for talking, wish you all the best

You: have a good evening!

.0736.

i so i’m practicing military time now. and i feel like since i talk about my feelings so much on here, that i can spill them out here as much as i feel. i’m just craving for that interaction without intentionally realizing itts. so i replied back to two messages friday evening (to guys). and realized i want to talk to more girlfriends tooos but fortunately my friend Hannah works with me night shifts except she’s part time because of school. And I’ve been adding and have been added as friends by my colleagues at work. One of them who very oddly resembles my ex ex before bc tall and lanky and very sarcastic and very filipino and cosplays with his wife and friends 😅 and when we’re at work hes supposed to be  the bedside shift report getting out of the day shift and i’d be the person he would report to bc nights.

And I guess because I’ve been updating my manager on things and letting her know my concerns and showing her consistency at work so far since my orientation training, I’ve also been updating my colleagues too but some of them (really only one or two of them 😒) enjoy gossiping about the other coworkers, mainly about my friend Hannah. It’s like you really have nothing better to do .-. Honestly if that patients were fine with her last night and only had one or two concerns that don’t involve YOU, and were just by their opinion or by pain even though your tech the previous night did everything they could and consistently ask for pain meds (even if theyre on scheduled ones AND not to mention even though I was on the brink of falling asleep the whole shift with only two hour sleeeps, I still saw and heard Hannah going in and out of the patients rooms during hourly rounding). On a serious note, this lady, Sylvia .-. she’s this thick african american accent who is also pretty new at work for about a month now from what my manager told me. She’s beautiful she’s this old lady with dark skin and hair braided and tucked half up/down. BUT, her manners during bedside shift report were not. 

My point is, I can talk with these guys. We can be catty and shit talk about each other, as long as we’re still giving that care to the patient. I realized I’m still irritable if only having 2-4 hours of sleep a day, so I’ll try to take Tim’s advice (former uic classmate/ former one week or month crush/current friend ish who’s friends with Katherine 😅 bc out of the blue he messaged me a few days ago and we were talking about nursing and his passion for sticking needles into patients and drawing their blood lmao) and try to sleep RIGHT AFTER getting home from work and getting settled obviously. idk, I just naturally wake up at 11 or noon from those naps and end up going to sleep at 6. So i guess that would be 5 hours of sleep sometimes but broken up in between throughout the day. I would have to have my alarm set for 8;45. LATELY, I’ve been wanting to go to work at 9:30 and be there at that time and then clock in at 9:53, because of looking over the kardexes and seeing if theyre updated or not. Obviously my plains just end up with me coming in 3 minutes before 10 anyway :/ and just scribbling away patient info on my nursing sheets. And then try to jump immediately into bedside report. I think I’ll be more considerate and aware because I know the PT(patient) will want to sleep right after getting their VS and having used the bathroom, being repositioned, and feeling more comfortable in bed. Fortunately, most of the 13-bed patient rooms in ortho on my unit, are alert and oriented. Theres been times where we will get a few extra people who are diagnosed for GI bleed, Hx pneumonia or other iso precautions BUT along with an ortho surgical thing, or nausea, etc. Most of the time these extra patients can walk, and at night time just assist standby as needed and check on them hourly rounds and doing garbage and linens in between. 

During the morning shift, our manager will be doing rounds on the patients and techs as well just like I’ve seen during my orientation training for mornings. She gave me a tip after orientation to make sure the room looks neat and tidy, even if they wanted to keep their linens in their room, make sure it all looks presentable, common sense etc. And then she’d go and ask how their night went, and depending if we’ve given them that care or not, then the most they’d complain about is just pain even if they’ve taken all their meds. And a tip she gave me for adjusting that pain, is maybe have a pillow underneath their surgical elbow to elevate it, or have a towel rolled up and put underneath the ankle/heel to relieve pressure. Offer to make sure their SCD’s are on and offer to reposition them. And the ones who are back surgicals (laminectomies) we’d have to make sure they get into bed safely and log roll them into position. So they’d have to trust their arms, elbows, and side of their bodies to maneuver themselves into bed, while we offer to support their legs or any part of their body to help them into bed. One of them the other day before my shift ended adn after bedside report, asked me if I would be working that evening again, and I told her sadly that i was off the weekend and she complimented me for my bedside care and was proud of herself that she was able to get back into bed and said her thanks for having given her a new gown to dress into because she was mostly sweating and getting cold/warm throughout the night. I had offered to change her linens at 3 in the morning because of a stain from her lower back dressing and made sure she knew that the nurse was informed also. And because she had her daughter come by yesterday there were a few chairs that kinda crowded the room so I made the space looked neater since she used a commode at the bedside. 

I think I’m getting used to it it’s been a first week for me on the floor without a preceptor. Technically that was supposed to be my second week by myself, BUT I asked my manager if I could have another week to practice and be on the floor to get used to the routine and just have someone there to assist whenever I needed it. She commended me for being honest and reassured that it would be an excellent idea considering she wants me to feel comfortable and confident on the floor. And at least during nights we don’t have to remove foleys (if their foleys were removed during the day, we would just make sure if they havent been urinating after 6-8 hours consistently that we would have a hat in there and possibly day shift before their shift ends would do a bladder scan). And at least at night we wouldn’t have to do iv removals, UNLESS, the patient asks for it on the very morning like 3-4 a.m if they were concerned about it and just wanted it removed on the day theyre getting discharged. Like the other day I had to remove one because a patient of mine was getting discharged to go to westmoreland/ECF (similar to nursing home/rehab care until they can go home) and was hoping she’d get the best care there like she had with me and a few other techs. This was the same patient who also appreciated me sharing with her my stories about writing and reading for fun or for just student train in tutoring a few semesters ago. So far, after being asked how nights went by several people, I’ve kept some key information in mind like if they wanted to walk around in the middle of the night then let the nurse know and also let them walk if they need to. Obviously not on the day fresh out of surgery, but when PT/OT says it’s okay and walk with them too. And be sure to be considerate of trash and their posessions like making sure their overbed table wasn’t cluttered with old tissues or that theyre phone or their spirometer (instrument patients use to measure air capacity bc we’d also need their saturation to be at 92/93+) was in reach if they needed or out of reach. 

So that was the gist of the first week, and then suddenly getting that message out of the blue by him. And it feels like earlier and yesterday I had all these thoughts running in my head about it or what-ifs like if I had been at uic longer and chosen to stay. Or etc. what-if in the future. I just wanted to write it down because it means something to me and having people from the past come back to you in a way where that interaction isn’t lost forever. I think what I learned from a couple of online classes and reading from lectures is at this certain age and before your 40′s, people tend to feel a lost of intimacy and identity still searching but that they try to fill in their time and everything. And I’m thankful at least he liked that I talked alot, as if I hadn’t talked about it in forever with someone and felt like I was just keeping it to myself and needed to spill what I felt. And he was glad he had someone to hear his thoughts and passions for perfusion and I think I just wanted insight on school and I think his parents are tryng to make him go back and do nursing. SOO if that’s the case, even though I told him to fight for what he wants to do, we might end up being in the same batch for nursing if I go to uic haha. Since i have the same plans to take anatomy at my school rn and a few other courses but for chamberlain or uic. It’s iffy right now and maybe there’s a chance as long as I have other schools backed up. I just like how after watching so many nursing and med student videos online, that it’s not too late to achieve your dreams, it’s not too late to start over 🌸☀️

Just talked to Jimmy Prock who just busted out in a song and dance about how much he hates Ron Tober to his face Then I talked to Erica and she said she too called after John about the post I wrote about him and said that she wanted to tell him a good job he was doing with his daughters. She said I was saying that but hadn't used those exact words in my writings. I did. I also said how well they're doing on their own. They choose to listen to their father. He doesn't make them. They make good decisions. (Brittany did admit that racing is one of the last things in her mind until she's in the race car.... That's okay. No need to obsess, sometimes it makes it worse. She will take her time. She's very young. Maybe next racing time or maybe in three years. We can love her for who she is. Not hate her because she's busy with life) I told Erica it was cool she did that. She told me that he was all happy then went on talking as he does. I was glad to hear that... This has happened with Matt alot. Alot. And I always didn't write about it because I didn't want to hurt John's feelings or confuse anyone or anything like that. But it was just too much today. I just had it. I told Matt last time it better not happen again. He told me he couldn't promise not to and i told him I wouldn't promise not to kick his ass. He said you meant kiss. Whatever He's a dreamer. But he did say he was beginning to like John a whole lot more... I just rolled my eyes because Probably (he liked John) because John was saving his ass from some angry posts. But yeah... I didn't think it was fair to John to say he didn't win .... An honest race. He won. But Matt was not racing. It wasn't the same. The winner beats everyone but if someone is willing to throw his win then ... I guess it's down to personal preference... Whatever. I don't think it's right. Matt gets mad because I don't respect his free will. Or as I see it his cowering down to fear They asked me earlier... Thing I say about Dejoria... How I say I'm grateful she was present in Jesse's life. I said it could been anyone. Anyone in the world Someone nicer Someone meaner. Anyone they all would had helped me But because Dejoria was in the NHRA it was easier for me. I'm sure Jesse did it because he thought he could fuck with matt... Watch him at least. Jesse knew I was trying to find my memories. If I skipped Jesse then I would go straight to Matt. Then Jesse would be able to step in. So Dejoria was lucky. Cause it could been any girl in the nhra. Any of them. I am lucky it wasn't a Force girl cause John would put me right in there with him. Dejoria's lucky because I'm one of the only people that can do what I do. God knows what's up. He plants little seeds. I didn't hate God for Dejoria I hated Dejoria and I hated Jesse I had every right to And it's what God wanted me to do. Erica said she is helping Dejoria tonight. That's good. Erica is a good person whose not afraid to say the word God. Or to care. Or love. She's easy to love. And appreciate. She said that one day she looked around while she sat at home and wondered what she could do to better serve the Lord. She said that she decided to do alot of what I do and help people. Especially people who are shy or have a fear of acceptance. To help prevent situations we have with Dejoria ... That wasn't on the tip of her list but it was god's Anyway so that's why she is not so great on the track anymore .... She said it's hard. She says it takes so much focus, consideration and thinking and feeling. She said that she practically had no time to think about her car, much less winning. Brittany didn't use those words but Erica did. Erica is right. It's hard. It's so so so so so hard. I take time off. I watch TV, play games, etc. Usually when I watch TV then it's time for everyone to shut up and go away. Reading, especially. I go away. Far away. It was hard for awhile. I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't watch a movie or TV show for my life. God couldn't even help me read. It was horrible. Just couldn't stop thinking. Now I can. Sadness mostly... But anyways. So yeah. Dejoria is lucky. She just got sucked into the correct wormhole for her needs. Nhra is lucky because Matt ended up there. Also lucky because Jesse did too. And even more so because the FBI told me I needed to look in Jesse's direction. Idk if they knew but that enables Matt to do what he needed to do to correct his life so I could be in it properly Had it been the other way around, Jesse may had done what Matt did And I may not be so lucky. That was the only thing they ever did for me... It took them a very very long time to point me in the correct direction. Only because they, Matt and Jesse, were both in the same place at the same time was they able to tell me anything. But it was one clue. One clue that I didn't get for over a year. Only because I truly cared about someone 100% did I find that clue. Because I really wanted the best for someone. I wanted the best for myself. So I worked the magic. It was all me. I'm proud of that. It's the one thing I am grateful for, that the FBI has done. It's the one thing they did half-assed enough to be good. So Jesse thought he was smart and could trick me back to him. I guess the FBI knew that I had to be smart enough or advanced enough to recognize it as a clue .... Otherwise I would over looked it... Like forever... So in that sense knowing I had to be intelligent in some fashion it was in a way also protecting me. I wasn't smart enough. Nor advanced enough. I just cared enough. That's all Not any qualifications worth a dam. But I got in my own groove that God had set for me. And only me. Because Dejoria and I are lucky. Jimmy Prock and many others said that I hadn't ever talked about God as much as I did today. Except Prock caught on. He said box he slapped himself. He says I used science words to describe God. Like humanity. I don't use the word God. Which I've said before. I don't use the word God because churches use it to instill fear and emotionally manipulate. Sure humanity could be used in the same but often isn't. God ... The word used to shame and hurt me... Not any more... Like... I just used to be so scared of him... It was just a few years... About 3 until I got pregnant and became scared of people again. I knew god trusted me. And loved me. That's why I got pregnant. That's what helped me. He didn't think I was bad at all. I was trusted by God to raise a child. I was still scared. But I was so scared to be a bad mom so my kid wouldn't like me Like my mom. I don't trust her. Even when she's good I'm like ew... I'm not telling you a secret. But my Daughter will do something bad and tell me and be happy. Like one day she lied to her dad and said I always left her home alone while I went shopping. Then he made her promise not to go outside. Then as soon as he left she literally went out side and danced in the sidewalk. Didn't just dance and run in but stayed out there until she got too hot. Oh my fucking god. At my house she would just leave. Or get up and sit on the porch at like 6 in the morning. I had just started working and I had to be at work at like 7 and she had to go to school at 830 so I would leave her for an hour and half while she was supposed to sleep then someone would pick her up and take her to school. So now all of a sudden I left her home alone all the time and she would give my older brother a heart attack by going for a walk down the street while he was picking her up. Or sitting on the porch. I tried to tell her to stop that shit. But. It didn't really bother me. She was being brave and independent And I was just trying not to be scared shitless. I just felt like I had to trust her I wanted to punish her... For what she did to her dad... Like I thought that was the right thing to do but she told me the truth. How could I? If she felt she could trust me I HAD to NOT punish her. It felt weird. But it made me like giddy happy while she just sat there all serious like she p'wned me. It was so emotionally wrecking. I felt it was my right to tell at her and I had to stop myself for what felt like thirty times and three weeks... But it was mere seconds. I who always knows what to say had no idea what to say. So finally .. I tried to scare her by yelling "what the fuck" She didn't flinch but rolled her eyes at my weirdness when I laughed. So I told her that she wasn't in trouble but she shouldn't lie She said she didn't but that her dad just thought she meant that I left her when I went to the store but I only left her for work. With the door locked and her supposed to be sleeping. And someone coming to get her very soon. So that was the end. Point is. It's stupid to be scared All those times I remember worrying about money and I always seemed to have extra at the end... So I quit worrying. And I'm okay. Been on my own for 8 years. Only once had the electric turned off. Because now I'm too sick to work. Not bad. I've done good. My mortgage is paid till July. So. Even tho I quit worrying. Nothing bad happened. Staying with my mom for that month.. it showed me how much she truly hates me. She's jealous cause my dad loves me. My younger brother adores me and I adore him. I see all her hate and rage she has for me. I needed to see it. I needed to see it full force. It didn't bother me. Sure it makes me sad. But I know she hates me. I don't have to try to fill my heart with her. It literally hurts when I do When I care about her But I thought she loved me.. at least some. But she doesn't. It's.. for me... I live and thrive on honesty... Companionship. Most people do She's complaining she's lonely... Now. Good for her. She's gonna stay that way. It's my job to protect my daughter from her. So she's gonna be lonely because I know she truly doesn't want me around. It's really what I needed. I needed to see my brother. Talk with him, live with him. It helped me to see him. It made me see my childhood clearer. Now that the amnesia haze isn't so foggy. That's also how I KNOW Dejoria will heal. And why I remind her of things I use to say to her. The fog Jesse created around her has been lifted. Fully knowing that he has tampered with her car. She keeps thinking her crew chief also has something to do with it. I told her I told him if he did it, I would never tell on him So I won't. Because I keep my promises. Anyways. Whatever. That's a whole other issue But obviously he wasnt good enough for Matt... So.. or well I read Dejoria stole him from Matt. Matt says he said good riddance and he used to tell him "I know more about cars than you" So could he have? He used to tell me "I don't know nothing and I didn't do anything..." Then he would add (about it) after awhile when I said that Jesse said that he s... Well.. long story. He yelled at me earlier saying I told on him I told him to tell the truth or not It's words against words. I don't fucking know. He did use to tell me when she was racing... But I was told she raped him often. So if he did do something, she deserved it. That's what I think. She admitted to raping him often because he was her crew chief. Thought it was better luck or something for her. But so anyway. It doesn't matter. I told Jesse I felt sorry for him because Dejoria wasn't racing well and it reflected on his abilities. And I was concerned about his being able to get a job after working for her... With the way the races went. I was told he would get one. They had it all lined up for when she got arrested Idk if it was true or not. It made me not care. So. Honestly I can't say did he or not tamper with it. I never knew what exactly happened I didn't care. Jesse would say "we did something" That was enough for me. Did he use delago as a sheild or were they both conspirators? That's not really the question we should ask But did she rape him as she admitted? He never wanted to admit to me what had happened. He only said he was embarrassed and humiliated. Sure that's enough motivation. But he knew Jesse was fucking with it. So did he just turn his back or did he tinker? Again... Does it matter? No. That's difficult to say and only applies to special circumstances. Such as this. Had she died... She was suicidal for awhile. So it would been okay. BUT had her Father been in on it. Had her Father approved it. Or had her father done it. Then that's when it becomes wrong He one day ... She said she decided to kill herself. I said okay that's fine. I hate you anyway. Will make my life easier Again. I was her victim. No one was really helping me. I was trapped. So I was fine Then 5 minutes later her dad has it all planned out and he says he will be there to make sure she goes through with it. I lost my fucking mind. He only wants to get rid of the problem he created to protect himself. After that is when I began to look into his past. Her childhood. That's when I began to love Dejoria. Her father wouldn't when he should. That's when I promised myself I would not let her fall and not have a way to get back up. I hated him for wanting to get rid of her. It just my ex-husband. Had he not existed in my life and treated my daughter badly, I wouldn't cared. Dejoria's luck once again was at full throttle. My daughter didn't deserve her father. I had no idea my mother hated me at that time... I hated her, for sure and I knew she as a liar... But not like I know now. But it was because I saw my ex-husband and my daughter. And I knew he was hiding something bad in order to want to do that. So special circumstances. Jesse should be fired. I think that's a bit of selfishness on my part. But definitely alot of common sense. Delago... Idk... Idk who he is without Dejoria. Idk he wants to over look it or start again. I think he can. But in Dejoria's car? Idk. I thought since he had such a bad run with Dejoria he should switch to top fuel. That was a few years ago. That way it was a brand new fresh start and he could just live. Love his life as a crew chief. That way switching to top fuel if he sucks a bit it's okay... Then he can see if he really has what it takes to be a crew chief. Or just a mechanic. He always just said "fuck it" When I said something Idk. He can do what ever he wants. Retire Go to NASCAR. Idk. There's nothing to stop anyone from anything, usually. So... Idk what's to happen. That's not my job to figure it out I don't get paid enough.