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#i think my mother thinks im faking it
fangomango · 1 year
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Love the way that I'm so sick I want to die but I still have to go to school even though last I check most doctors didn't recommend that
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yxnswife · 5 months
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I want to write about cassie and sonya so bad my girls deserve everything ever
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mercuryislove · 2 months
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I'm kind of a sham beatles hater bc I have all their albums on vinyl and cd..... I even have different us and uk releases. sorry.
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r029 · 2 days
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I miss when things actually meant things.. Back in the day, relationships actually meant relationships. Love actually meant love. But now.. it's just what people classify things as things that are Ultimately useless and pointless. Getting to know people, actually meant getting to know people without any ulterior motives or at least not as much as now. Now everything's a game, of how to play people, who can manipulate better.. like what the fuvk? What is the fucking point anymore? Why even bother? It's all a waste of time.
#there is no point anymore. no one cares and no one tries. no one tries to actually be themselves. no on tries in putting in effort.#if someone does the bare minimum its groundbreaking. and thats fucking sad. things were supposed to evolve but it just disintegrated.#im not meant to be in this generation.#everyone is so close minded and brainwashed into thinking stupidity. no one thinks for themselves anymore.#everything is failing.#and i have to exist and watch it happen because its everywhere and you cant get away from it.#i wish i had an endless supply of drugs to ignore it.. but whats the point of that? because at the end of the day nothing changes.#and then once the drugs wear off.. it all hits me twenty times harder..#and its only way to not want to kill myself.. but theres no reason to be here and endure this shit.#my mother shouldve drowned me harder 😔#everything is curated to what you want to see. to what you want to believe. its all just fake.#i despise the promiscuous posts ive put out when i feel the complete opposite.. and yet im deluded enough to think why shit doesnt#doesnt work out for me? I think.. im so accustomed to not being believed and never taken seriously and felt as if i did that#its like my way of saying “youre right” but now im doing it and really making it a reality that can no longer be taken back.#whats done is done. whats happened has happened. and now i cant seem to care about much of anything anymore..#all because the people who were supposed to help.. didn't. the Teachers. the Principals. the Doctors. the Therapists. the Psychiatrists.#the Attorneys. the Judges. “Child Protective Services” and so many more. just didn't fucking care or try. until it was already too late#and the damage had been done.#im so fucking tired..
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hhhh why are all my family members turning weird as it gets closer to my birthday?? POR QUÉ??? LET ME LIVEE LET ME LIVEEE T-T
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mar64ds · 9 months
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i am no woman or man i'm just a cartoon rabbit, i promise
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cutemeat · 2 years
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when Dennis and Dee’s maid from the early 80′s Josefina comes into the bar to find Frank n its revealed that ‘Franquito’ IS actually Frank’s biological son... what then??
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thewickerking · 2 years
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OK SO. EPIC WIN! SOUND HAS CEASED!! its on and off and idk if ill hear it again tonight (please i hope not) but it is GONE i am COMFY in BED. my phone DIED but thats ok shes at 3$ now and plugged in so shes going up :)
#updates on my last posts tags: i dont like actually see spiders i just see movement out of the corner of my eye that isnt there and then my#brain always categorizes it as spiders and its nearly never spiders but it makes me rlly on edge and scared 4 no reason#itll just like be a little black blur out of focus (when theres genuinely nothing there other than like. my white sink or bathtub) and my#brain is like 'ah oh no spider' and my pulse quickens and i get scared and think its gonna kill me cause im sooo normal btw#i joke abt being scared of spiders n stuff but theres genuinely terrifying to me and have given me super bad panic attacls :#anyways.#erm abt the last thing abt Bad Sounds ik its probably a symptom of something but i havent heard of anything that sounds right except maybe#overstimulation but very rarely feel overstimulated im usually very understimulated and its not that theres too many sounds its just theres#one really bad one that sets me off like weird random things like snoring and certain dripping faucets and breathing and like. certain ways#people brush their hands together when they have something on them but they do it for too long and the sound is horrible but subtle#and also certain times people are tapping against fabric like. stuff that ppl overlook and u can barely hear but it drives me off the walls#like idk what common thread they have other than NORMAL EXISTING HUMAN SOUNDS but like. idk if pain is the right word to describe it but#its genuinely something physically pain adjacent like. tension. like when u pull a rubber band super far apart and it cant fucking#stay like that like cmon it hurts it needs to snap please let it out. but letting it out is like. erm. not good and if the sound doesnt end#after u let it out like it didnt do anything it just goes back. ough idk idk idk. i used to not tell anyone this stuff cause i mostly did l#it at night and i think ppl will say im exaggerating and faking cause they dont witness it and my mother doesnt do it i think so its not an#acceptable form of mental illness /s but like genuinely i dont feel like im allowed to mention it but whatever!!!#anyways this is rlly long if u read it. hi. i love u. i hope u have a good day/#night also hmu if u know what whatever this is called i wanna talk about it in therapy and i think my words dont feel professional enough#ik u shouldnt have to act professional in therapy bur erm. i feel like i need to in some ways its complicated#.ares
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tartarus-pice · 2 years
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lamictal is godly btw! i love it a lot
i still feel like i have periods of euphoria/impulsivity and depression/low energy but like. very very mild
i peek at my med and go "ty for allowing me to feel things normally!"
the only negative is now im not dissociating anymore (not due to med but due to less stress) and now i can feel all of my rage and anxiety full-force which ig is what coping is meant for!
#i deserved better. i still deserve better.#but its still upsetting to know someone i cared for and thought so positively of#is just getting worse and worse and worse#and they dont even realize it or care#like. i know you can be better than this.#i KNOW you can.#so why arent you trying? do you really feel that attached to your suffering?#are you scared of what youll become if you get better?#yknow. you always said that i was the one with the personality disorder but i rlly think it was you projecting#the only reason i ever said i had bpd was bc you convinced me long-term#bc you wouldnt let go of it. bc you wanted the psycho girlfriend#you wanted the yandere mommy domme mother gothel type#when I WASNT EVER THAT at my core#i always felt like i was faking or playing pretend#you did the exact same thing Hyde did. which was treat me like someone im not and try to mold me into that#like yeah you didnt sexually abuse me like he did (which. he was still part of your system btw)#but you absolutely emotionally abused me#and im upset that i wasted all that time and money and care on someone who evidently doesnt care abt me that much#if you were so quick to get over me and move on. when you only messaged me first to ask for things like comfort.#you treated me like i was still your partner after our relationship ended btw - which was very confusing and upsetting#bc you held me to the same expectations#and dont try and rebuff this by saying i didnt tell you!! I WAS TOO SCARED TO BC I HAD TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS#TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET WITH ME AND GUILTTRIPPING ME#like!!! everything i did was bc i wanted to keep you happy and pleased with me!#take a step back and look at yourself to think why that was.#bc it sure as HELL wasnt all on me#and i know your going to tell all future partners that im the terrible unhealthy one who ghosted you in the end just like i inevitably#was meant to do#while conveniently leaving out wverything bad you did#absolving yourself of shame and guilt
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actualtoad · 2 years
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time to break it to you guys that im going to a mother mother concert later this year
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arolesbianism · 7 months
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I need to find new eternal gales songs right now I cannot keep living with most of the playlist being shit I listened to in 2018
#rat rambles#oc posting#eternal gales#I cant in good conscience remove most of them tho cause they've been in the eg playlist scene for too long 😔#<- referring mostly to call them brothers by regina spektor and silence by mike posner#like one of those was the main inspiration for one of my favorite scenes in the whole story#and was also if Im remembering correctly one of the big inspirations for alpha back in the day#well alpha and beats relationship more specifically but thats how alpha started exists so yknow#the other is an au snek song that manages to still fit well enough despite her backstory being completely reworked over the years#the snake siblings real og song was oh ana by mother mother and its another one thats still on the playlist albiet for owl nowadays#it was technically an au snek song back in the day but it was also what inspired the threes design in the first place#I had the image of a snake girl with two snakes on her shoulders all speaking in unison#which evolved into original au snek and I made all three of them proper characters for the main version of them#in au snek's original concept she had illusion based powers and used them to create fake versions of her brothers after they died#but that got scrapped during the reboot as I had long since grown to kinda hate the concept at that point#in fact the only one of the au antags that were mostly left untouched is owl I think#pretty much the only thing that rly changed was the nature of the being that took over her body#even au bloom who is still mostly the same personality and motivation wise had a completely different origin story and design#she was originally like an amalgamation of a bunch of different blooms along side some god like being? it was weird#now tho they're just some guy#au fydd also hasnt changed too much but I did age him up and he also was effected by the heavy changes made to base fydd over time#aka making him a bird boy#but yeah rip to au aris girlie has been stuck in brainstorming hell for the past 5 years#I think I have her pretty set in stone now but I thought that last time too so who knows gmfjfndg
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bratbby333 · 1 month
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gamer!bf sukuna drabble
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·:*¨༺ nsfw mdni ༻¨*:·
gamer!bf sukuna who is always sat at his desk, shooting at something
gamer!bf sukuna who will lose track of time and play for hoursss, not even acknowledging your existence until you interrupt his game play with dinner
gamer!bf sukuna who buys you your own gaming set up after catching you playing on his computer when you think he isn't home (he positions your new monitor and gaming chair right next to his)
gamer!bf sukuna who laughs in your face when you ask if he wants to play minecraft with you (how dare you recommend something that isn't violent? silly little thing. do you even know him?)
"so childish... why the fuck would i play that?"
gamer!bf sukuna who feels bad after you pout at him for making fun of you, reluctantly agreeing to play fortnite (the tamest game he'll play)
gamer!bf sukuna who is never not yelling at someone through his headset
"you stupid fuck! ask your mother how my dick tastes"
gamer!bf sukuna who loves when you pull up a chair to watch him play
gamer!bf sukuna who let's you sit in his lap, the controller in your hands with his hands over yours, pushing the buttons for you... the elated grin on your face when you finally kill someone makes his dick hard
"baby! i did it! i got him!" "that's my good girl, now let me reward you"
gamer!bf sukuna who loves that you play animal crossing at your desk next to him while he plays cs:go and valorant, you eventually put on your noise canceling headphones because he won't stop screaming
"what the actual FUCK was that? you're trash. GET OUT OF MY LOBBY"
gamer!bf sukuna who finally agrees to play minecraft with you after weeks of begging, enjoying it more than he thought he would (the face you make when he finally says yes causes his heart flutter just a little bit... but he'll never tell you that, constantly groaning at how boring it is, but playing it with you for three hours)
he runs around killing creepers and skeletons to quell his homicidal ideations instead of helping you build a house "why the hell would we build a fake house when we're literally sitting in our real one?" so fucking sassy for no reason he'd run around collecting a mob of enemies instead, luring them into a pit before sealing it off and dumping a bucket of lava on them, laughing as they slowly burn to death...bro is insane i stg...
gamer!bf sukuna who let's you wear his headset while he plays a 1v1 in a custom lobby, laughing at his opponents obvious anger and frustration thinking they're losing to you (COD is so misogynistic, and sukuna is thoroughly amused when he gets to put them in their place on your behalf)
gamer!bf sukuna who beams with pride when you start picking up on gaming terms
"that guy sucks, he's just camping", you say, brows furrowed in annoyance. "who the fuck did you learn that word from?" "who do you think i learned it from, dumbass?" you retort, a taunting smile on your lips. he just grins, "god, you're so fuckin' sexy. but drop the attitude before i fuck it outta you."
gamer!bf sukuna who attempts to teach you how to play call of duty, battlefield, and cs:go
"you'll get better, doll. just keep tryin'"
gamer!bf sukuna who refuses to admit that he actually enjoys playing minecraft with you, hoping you'll suggest to play it first
gamer!bf sukuna who looks down from his monitor to see you kneeling under his desk, head between his legs, sucking him off while he's on discord talking to his friends; tangling his hands in your hair, biting the inside of his cheek when you deepthroat him unexpectedly, his hips bucking off his chair. "you dirty fuckin' girl, it's like you want them to hear" he moans out. his friends erupt in laughter after hearing him, but he doesn't want you to stop. exhibitionist!sukuna has entered the chat
"you can stay and listen if you want, at least im gettin' some unlike you virgins"
gamer!bf sukuna who fucks you rough when he loses a game
"god you're so fuckin' tight for me" he groans, his grip tight on your hips. he looks down to watch your pretty pussy suck him in. you squirm, his cock burying itself deeper and deeper inside you with every trust, whining as he pushes your head into the mattress, his strokes unrelenting. "uh uh. don't move...stay right fuckin' there n take this dick, brat."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
author notes: hehehe...this was super fun to write. if you have any requests, send them here! if u wanna be added to my anon club, drop an emoji with ur submission and ill add u to my pinned post ☺︎
i've already written longer, smut-filled stories of gamer!bf sukuna,,u can read them here and here and here
thank u liking, commenting, and reblogging...it makes me kick my feet n giggle when i get the notification ♡
© bratbby333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do not distribute. 2024.
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berryunho · 1 year
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her acting in imitation was so awkward ALSO the best pairing in the drama was riah and yihyun imo😭😭 i need justice for my boy yunho because he has potential in acting!! the drama was kinda... badly written imo. like the overall idea isn't terrible, but it was so meh to me
not even playing w you imitation is the worst drama ive ever seen . and i watched exo next door as it aired . i watched hwarang as it aired . boys over flowers has more merit than imitation . yunho was done dirty for real bc he definitely has potential but like ... yeah the writing was just so atrocious theres only so much an actor can do LAKDJFAKSDJF
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135crow · 1 year
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feeling more and more dysphoric
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rubyreduji · 4 months
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The Christmas Boyfriend — yjh
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summary: when you tell your mom the little white lie that you have a boyfriend, you don’t expect it to evolve into bringing your friend with benefits home for christmas. what can go wrong?
tags: fluff, smut (minors dni), fwb, fake dating, college!au warnings: ok the smut is likes less than 2k words of this fic tbh, conversations about birth control, mention of unsafe sex, explicit sex, oral, fingering, praise, cum eating, creampies wc: 12.7k an: guys im not used to writing jeonghan so if his characterization is off im so sorry fdsak anyways writing this made me want to go ice skating :((
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“Sweetie! I’m so excited for you to come home for Christmas!” Your mom calls over the phone.
“Yeah Mom, me too,” you say with half sincerity.
“Oh and make sure you bring that cute boyfriend with you too! I want to meet him, you’ve told me almost nothing about him!”
You pause. Boyfriend? Boyfriend.
Oh shit.
“Hey Mom?” It was the end of summer and you were about to go back to university.
“Yes sweetie?” Your mom was bustling around the kitchen getting ready for dinner.
“Do you think that I could go on birth control?” These worlds made your mother stop.
“Birth control? Why do you need to go on birth control? I know your cycle is normal, so who are you having sex with? Oh please don’t tell me you’re sleeping around,” your mom huffed exasperatedly.
“I’m not!” Technically you weren’t sleeping around. You were sleeping with one person, repeatedly. “I have a boyfriend Mom, and we use protection, but it would be nice to have an extra layer of protection.” It was…somewhat the truth. You tried to use protection but every once in a while you…didn’t. You’d taken a lot of Plan B lately.
“A boyfriend! Why didn’t you tell me? Tell me all about him!” The problem is…you didn’t have a boyfriend. You had a Jeonghan who periodically fucked you during the school year. You hadn’t seen him all summer but you knew that as soon as the school year started again you guys would start right back up.
“His name is Jeonghan, he’s studying business. We’ve been dating since the beginning of the year.”
“Oh tell me more! I want to know, please. I have to meet him immediately.”
And that’s how you spent the rest of the day making up half-lies about Jeonghan and convincing your mother to let you on birth control.
You honestly forgot you told your mom that lie, and now it’s coming back to bite you in the butt. You hadn’t brought him up to your mom since and now you either have to tell her you guys broke up or you have to convince Jeonghan to spend part of winter break with your family pretending to be your boyfriend. Knowing your mom, the latter will be easier.
“You told your mom WHAT?” You decide to tell Jeonghan after you guys finish having sex.
“I told her…that we’re dating.”
“Why?”
“You came inside me two minutes ago, you really wanna ask why? She would be so upset if she knew I was in a friends with benefits situation but if I tell her I have a boyfriend that I trust and care for, she’ll let me go on birth control.”
“Why did you have to ask her to go on birth control?” Jeonghan asks as you start to get dressed.
“I’m a college student Jeonghan, birth control isn’t free and if I ask my mom I can put it on her insurance. C’mon can you do this one thing for me? My mom is a great cook and it only has to be for a little bit, only one day really!”
“This really means that much to you?”
“Yes.” You’re practically making puppy dog eyes at him now.
“Well, you know, I just so happen to need somewhere to stay during winter break. So…I guess I’ll be staying with you and putting on the best show for your mom. You’re lucky I think you’re cute.”
You just grin at him.
“Sweetie! You’re home! Honey come here, our daughter is home!” Your mom runs out of the house to greet you, scooping you up into a hug. “Oh, oh, is this him?” She glances over your shoulder excitedly to where Jeonghan is standing behind you by the car.
“Mom, this is Jeonghan…my boyfriend.” You have to force the last bit out. 
“Oh he’s so handsome! It’s nice to finally meet you Jeonghan, I’m so happy you’re joining us for the holidays.”
“Thank you for allowing me to stay with you.” Jeonghan accepts your mom’s hug.
“Of course! You’ve been dating my daughter for almost a year now, anything you need we’ll be here.”
“Is that them?” A booming voice comes from the house. You look over to see your dad and brother standing on the porch.
“Honey, come meet Jeonghan! Look how handsome he is!”
You sigh, it’s already going to be a long four weeks.
“I’m…sorry about them,” you tell Jeonghan when you’re finally alone in your room, where your mother insisted Jeonghan stay with you. For someone who disapproves of casual sex, she sure does support ‘healthy love making between couples’. You don’t even want to think about her and your dad.
“I can’t say you didn’t warn me,” Jeonghan chuckles. “They all seem really nice though.”
“They’re…something,” you mutter. “I hope you don’t mind sharing a bed. Once again I’m really sorry about my mom.”
“It’s fine, I’m serious, stop stressing out. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before,” he jokes. 
You roll your eyes. “That reminds me. We have to lay down some ground rules.”
“Ground rules?” Jeonghan cocks an eyebrow curiously, and a bit skeptical. 
“Yes. I know it sounds silly and cliche, but really, we need to talk about it.”
“I don’t know what the big deal is. We just have to pretend to be a couple, that’s not hard. Hugging, kissing, all that gooey stuff.”
“What if my parents ask about our relationship? Are you sure you’re okay being coupley with me all the time? I-”
“Babe,” Jeonghan starts, “stop worrying. You make it seem like you have zero faith in me. Trust me, I can be the best fake-boyfriend you’ll ever need.” You scrunch your nose up at him calling you ‘babe’ in a non-sexual setting, but you guess you’ll have to get used to it.
“Still…if you even want to back out, just tell me and we can make up some excuse for you having to leave or-”
Jeonghan cuts you off once more, “Stop worrying. It’s the holiday season, let’s have fun! If your parents ask about our relationship just leave it to me.”
You stare at Jeonghan unsure, all too familiar with his antics. You can tell Jeonghan is about to counter your look when all of a sudden your door is flung open.
“Mom said dinner is ready!” Your brother announces.
You admit defeat on having this conversation with Jeonghan, leading him downstairs to where everyone is taking their place around the dinner table. The table feels just slightly cramped with the addition of the chair added for Jeonghan squeezed in next to yours. The top of dinner is quiet besides a few “could you pass the salt” or “this tastes great Mom” thrown in. It isn’t until your dad is going in for seconds when your mom speaks up.
“So, Jeonghan, tell me about yourself. Pumpkin has barely told us anything about you.” 
You internally groan at the childhood nickname your family still insists on using for you, and you hope it goes unnoticed by Jeonghan. Unfortunately, not much slips past him.
“Pumpkin?”
“A terrible nickname from when I was little,” you explain, slightly glaring at your mother.
“I think it’s cute.” You so desperately want to smack the smug look off Jeonghan’s face.
“It is cute,” your mom interjects. “It’s based on these adorable photos we took during her first fall. We did a photoshoot and put her in a pumpkin, it was just darling. Remind me later and I’ll pull out the photobooks.” Your mom winks at Jeonghan and you’re starting to realize just how big of a mistake this was. “Now, back to what I was saying. Tell me about yourself, Jeonghan.”
“Well there’s not much to say. I’m a business major, I enjoy sports and spending time with my friends.”
“He’s an amazing singer,” you jut in. You’re not sure why. Maybe it’s because Jeonghan is selling himself short. “He’s a part of the University’s choir. And he models for the fashion students.” You can see Jeonghan blush under your praise.
“Aw, that’s nice. And how did you two meet?”
“We met through a mutual friend, and then ended up having a class together the following semester. First time we met I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I’m just lucky she gave me the time of day.” Jeonghan makes a show of grabbing your hand in his, clasping them together on the table. Even though you know it’s for show, the display makes your stomach flip a bit.
You do take note that his story is true for the most part. At least the part about you two meeting and then sharing a class. You’re pretty sure the part about you being “the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen” is just fluff to appease your mom. It does the trick though, as your mom coos at Jeonghan’s words.
She continues to ask Jeonghan questions about himself and your relationship, and Jeonghan keeps delivering. He tells her stories about him attempting to flirt with you and you being too oblivious to realize. You roll your eyes the whole time, knowing what he’s actually talking about. The three weeks he spent continuously trying to hit on you before you finally agreed to go on a date with him. 
Speaking of the date, Jeonghan also tells that story. In real life what happened with Jeonghan invited you over to watch a movie, you both got a little tipsy, and ended up fucking right on his couch. Neither of you asked for a second date, but did start to booty call each other, so that’s something. The way Jeonghan tells it to your mom is a lot more…wholesome.
“We went out to see a movie, her choice of course.” Lie, Jeonghan forced you to watch The Notebook. “Then afterwards I didn’t want the date to end so we got dessert and went back to my apartment. We spent the whole night talking before she eventually fell asleep on my couch. It was adorable.”
“Oh stop,” you mutter, trying your best to sound playful.
“It’s true. The way your nose twitches when you’re dreaming and the little huffs you let out. How can I find that as anything but the cutest thing ever?” Jeonghan then leans in and presses a quick kiss to your warm cheeks.
You’re aware you do those things in your sleep, it’s something you’ve done ever since you were little, but you weren’t aware that Jeonghan knew about them. Everytime you sleep over at Jeonghan’s, or he spends the night at yours, he always complains in the morning about how you elbowed him in your sleep all night. 
“Oh you two are just so cute!” Your mom exclaims. She then turns to you, “How dare you keep him away from us for so long.”
Your brother is obviously doesn't care for the topic of conversation and excuses himself from the table. Your mom realizes that dinner is now officially over and she and your father start to clean up the table.
“Don’t go far, Jeonghan. I need to show you those baby pictures!”
“Noooo.” You tug on Jeonghan’s sleeve, like it might somehow convince him to go back upstairs with you, but of course not. Of course Jeonghan wants to see all of your baby photos.
You know this shouldn’t really bother you this much. Everyone has baby photos. The issue is you were an extremely unphotogenic baby. Your brother has maybe some of the cutest baby photos you’ve ever seen. Not you. You look like a gremlin, to the point your baby photos became a meme between you and your friends in high school.
Your mom makes a pot of coffee for all of you before she’s shuffling into the living room and pulling out the large fifty page photo album of you from newborn to age four. Jeonghan follows suit and you reluctantly take your place next to him on the couch. 
The first few pages aren’t bad. They’re all photos of you still in the hospital when you were first being held by your mom and dad, swaddled in a cute little pink blanket that you know your mom has stored somewhere up in the attic. 
The first bad photo doesn’t show up until a few pages in, after you were brought home. It’s a photo of you crying, your face all scrunched up in an ugly expression. You think it’s hideous but it’s one of your dad’s favorite baby photos of you. Jeonghan chuckles slightly and you shove him lightly.
Shortly after that the infamous pumpkin photo shows up. It’s you sitting in a pumpkin, a stupid, blank look on your face as you chew on the pumpkin. There’s a little orange beanie on your head that’s just a little too big for your head.
“Aww, look at that little pumpkin,” Jeonghan giggles.
“Shut up,” you grumble, glaring down at the picture.
Unfortunately for you, it only gets worse from there. There’s the photos from when you were two years old and constantly had messy hair and a stupid expression on your face. And then the photos of you at three when all you would do was pout at the camera. Then the photos from when you were four and somehow every photo was taken at just the wrong second.
Your mother and Jeonghan have a great time, cooing at each photo, your mother giving an anecdote every once in a while. It isn’t until near the end that Jeonghan finally looks over at you, on his other side. He smiles at the slight pout on your face.
“C’mon babe, stop pouting.” Jeonghan scoots closer to you, sliding his arm around your waist and pulling you into him. Even if it’s just for show, you can’t help but admit it is slightly comforting. Jeonghan then leans in and whispers to you. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You really are the cutest little baby. I mean that’s not a surprise, you’re still cute, aren’t you baby?”
Your face heats up at his words. You’re not sure why he’s laying it on so thick when you’re sure your mom can’t even hear him. You suddenly stand, trying to subtly get distance between you and your fake boyfriend.
“Well, it’s getting late and I’m tired after all of that traveling today. We’ll see you in the morning Mom.”
Jeonghan finally allows you to pull him back upstairs and into your room. You let out a deep sigh as soon as the door is closed and you move to start getting ready for bed.
“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asks you as he changes into his pajamas as well. “I didn’t make you uncomfortable or cross any boundaries did I?”
“No, no, you’re fine,” you assure him. “You’re just doing what any boyfriend would, so keep it up, actually.”
“Okay…” Jeonghan says, the skepticism in his voice. You don’t say anything else though and Jeonghan drops it, thankfully.
You both crawl into bed and you try not to think about how you can feel his body so close to yours. As you close your eyes you can’t help but think you’re not sure how you’re going to make it through the rest of the break.
“We’re going Christmas tree shopping today!” Your mom announces cheerfully when you and Jeonghan make your way downstairs for breakfast. 
“You guys haven’t gotten a tree yet?” You ask.
“We were waiting for you,” your mom explains. “So we could go as a family and then decorate it together.”
After breakfast your whole family piles into your dad’s car and you take off to the Christmas tree lot. There’s Christmas music playing on the radio as you drive and you can hear Jeonghan softly sing along.
You’ve always liked Jeonghan’s voice. You find his high, light voice angelic and you could listen to him sing all the time. You tune out the chatter of your parents in favor of listening to Jeonghan the whole ride there. A part of you is glad that only you can hear him, taking this as a moment for yourself. 
As soon as the car parks and you all climb out of the car, Jeonghan reaches over and grabs your hand in his. You look over at him to see him smiling at you and you smile back. There’s a bite in the air as you two walk through the trees and you appreciate the warmth of Jeonghan’s hand in yours.
“Oh, what a darling couple,” you hear an old couple whisper as they walk past you two. 
“Hear that? We look darling together, darling” Jeonghan jokes after they’re out of earshot. You roll your eyes but there’s a smile on your face as you playfully knock your elbow into Jeonghan’s side.
You and Jeonghan continue to walk around, looking at trees, until your father finds you two to tell you that your bother found the perfect tree. Your brother is bouncing around when you three make your way to the tree and he looks at you and Jeonghan proudly.
“Good choice, little man,” you tell him.
“Yeah, looks like a great tree,” Jeonghan agrees, which makes your brother smile even more.
Your family is standing in line to pay for the tree when your mom gasps. You look over at her to see her giddy face as she points up. You glance up to see the sprig of mistletoe places directly over you and Jeonghan’s heads.
“Well look at that,” Jeonghan says amused. “It looks like we have to kiss. By the laws of Christmas of course.”
“By the laws of Christmas?”
“Of course. I don’t want to end up on Santa’s naughty list,” Jeonghan teases you. You shake your head, smiling.
“If you say so.” You lean in and press a kiss to Jeonghan’s lips.
You’ve never actually kissed him outside of having sex, but it comes surprisingly natural to you. Jeonghan wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you in closer for just a moment, before pulling away. The tip of his nose and ears are pink and there’s a slight twinkle in his eye and he grins at you.
“You have cooties now,” your little brother announces from beside you and you and Jeonghan both burst out laughing. 
On the ride back home, your whole family sings along to the radio, and your mother compliments Jeonghan’s voice, which makes him flustered.
After you get back home, your dad and Jeonghan struggle to get the tree to fit through the door as you and your mom snicker at them. After they finally get it into the living room, you, Jeonghan, and your brother get to work decorating it. When your brother asks why your parents aren’t helping, your dad says he did all the work by paying for it.
The three of you (mostly you and Jeonghan) spend way too much time untangling lights before you string them up, finally allowing you to get to the good part. Your family’s ornaments are stored in a large plastic tub and you get to work digging through them. You’re not sure how many your family owns, but you’re sure it’s enough to cover three trees in whole. The tub isn’t organized in any way and you do your best to pick and choose which ones you think will make the best decorations.
Jeonghan kneels down beside you and starts to look through the tub as well.
“These ornaments are cute,” Jeonghan comments as he picks up a small stuffed animal snowman with a loop attached to it. He reaches over to place it on the tree.
“Yeah, it’s a part of my grandparents’ gift to us every year. An ornament for both of us.” You pick up a decoration with a family picture on it and you hang it up.
“You were so small in that one,” Jeonghan says, referencing the picture you just added to the tree.
You glance over the photo. You’re maybe five or six, way before your brother was born. You’re squished between your parents on a bench with Christmas lights behind you. You’re bundled up in a puffy winter jacket and a hat is squashed into your head. It’s a sweet photo.
“You know, this is all quite unfair,” you tell him. “You’re going to have to show me your childhood photos at some point now.”
“Now I don’t know if that was part of the deal.”
“Well we might just have to make it so. I’d love to see tiny little Hannie.”
“Maybe I could strike up a deal…”
You’re about to make a comment on Jeonghan’s sneaky ways, when you feel a tap on your leg. You look down to see your brother standing next to you with a sled shaped ornament in his hand.
“I need help putting this on the tree.”
“I got you buddy.” Jeonghan moves over to pick your brother up, lifting him up so your brother can place the ornament on the tree.
The moment is oddly sweet and when Jeonghan lets him down, he gives your brother a high five after. Jeonghan walks back over to the tub before picking up an ornament. After closer inspection you realize that it’s the ornament shaped like a little bunny with a fluffy cotton tail and a pink scarf. You quickly lunge forward and snatch it out of his hands.
“Aish!”
“Sorry!” You exclaim, holding onto the ornament. “But you can’t place this on the tree.”
“Why not?”
“Because…,” you hesitate, suddenly embarrassed. 
“That’s her favorite, she has to place it on the tree every year. In its special spot,” you mom answers as she walks into the room, carrying a tray of cookies. 
Jeonghan just chuckles before leaning in to wrap his arms around your waist and kissing your cheek. You flush, trying not to think too much of it. It’s just because your mom is standing in the room. “That’s so cute. In its ‘special spot’?”
“Yes,” you mumble. You move out of Jeonghan’s grip to lift the ornament and place it at the top of the tree, right under where the star sits. The idea is more embarrassing now that Jeonghan is staring at you, the smug little grin on his face, but you can’t ignore tradition just because you know he’s going to make fun of you later.
“Are there any more special ornaments I should know about, darling?” Jeonghan asks and you smack him lightly, both for the comment and the teasing nickname he’s picked up.
“No. Decorate at your free will.”
Your brother is now more interested in the cookies your mom brought in, leaving you and Jeonghan to finish the tree off. It’s weighted down by all of the ornaments you’ve hung on it by the end. You reach down into the box to grab the tree topper.
“All that’s left is the star,” you announce.
“Jeonghan should put it on,” your mom suggests and you hold it out to him.
“Oh no, I couldn’t.”
“We insist,” your mom tells him. 
“C’mon Han, just do it, make her happy.” You nudge him a bit and Jeonghan finally takes it before reaching up on his tiptoes to place the star on top. You and your mom cheer and you can see the small smile on Jeonghan’s face.
With the finishing touch on the tree, you’re able to step back and look at your masterpiece.
“I think we did a pretty good job,” you say.
“I think we did the best job, and I should know. I’m a tree decorating veteran.” Jeonghan wraps an arm around your waist. You glance up at him, only to be surprised by him pecking you on the lips. You don’t even have time to react, the kiss smooth like you two do it all the time.
Jeonghan doesn’t bat an eye, turning back to stare at the tree. You feel your stomach flutter.
So here’s the thing. It’s not like you wouldn’t date Jeonghan, he’s a great guy, a close friend, but you two just never evolved into that part of your relationship. The issue when you’re hooking up with someone is that it’s intimate. You’ve spent the night at each other’s apartments, you share the same friends, you have strangely deep pillow talk with one another. It’s all under the same impression that you’re just friends with benefits, but now you’re here, in your childhood home, pretending to be a couple. The circumstances are completely different and now you don’t know how to feel.
All you know is that Jeonghan keeps kissing you with no sexual undertones under it, and maybe you like it a little too much.
When you wake up the next morning, Jeonghan is already awake on his phone. He looks over at you and snickers before turning his phone towards you. On his screen is a photo of you asleep, your mouth wide open and a bit of drool running down your cheek.
“Delete that!” You shout, suddenly wide awake. Jeonghan giggles as he stands up and runs out of the room. You chase after him, yelling at him, until you two make it to the kitchen.
“Well! You two are lively this morning,” your mom comments. She’s standing at the stove cooking breakfast with a fond grin on her face.
“Good morning!” Jeonghan says, a smug smile on his face as he slips his phone into his pocket. “That smells great. Do you need any help?” Jeonghan gestures to the plates sitting on the counter, waiting to be put out.
“Oh honey, no, no, you go sit. You’re a guest.” 
“Are you sure?” Jeonghan asks and your mom nods.
“Of course. Pumpkin, you can help me.”
Jeonghan moves to the dining table while your mom moves closer to you, a giddy look on her face, as she hands you the plates. 
“Pumpkin, you’ve really found yourself a keeper,” she whispers to you. “Jeonghan is such a sweet young man.”
“Uh, yeah mom, thanks,” you mutter.
It’s not like you don’t know Jeonghan’s a great guy, but the truth is you two aren’t dating. It’s not like you can tell your mom that, but you don’t know how long you’ll be able to keep up the lie after you two leave after break. It was easy when he was just a random name you threw out, but now your mom has actually met him, and he’s doing a little too well at charming her.
And maybe you too. It’s only been two days of pretending to fake date Jeonghan and somehow you’re already questioning your whole relationship with him. You don’t know if your heart will take fake dating him for any longer than you have to.
You and your mom head towards the table where Jeonghan sits next to your brother, looking invested in whatever your brother is talking about. You take your seat on the other side of Jeonghan as your mother sits across from you.
“So, any plans you two have for today?”
“Uhm, not at the moment,” you reply.
“You two should go ice skating! A new place opened downtown. I’m sure all the cute young couples are going there.”
You perk up at the idea. Ice skating has always been a fun winter tradition for you and now you have a reason to go. Right as the sun is starting to set, you and Jeonghan take off downtown. The city is dressed up in lights and it excites the child inside of you.
“Isn’t it pretty?” You ask Jeonghan as you walk down the street.
“Isn't what pretty?”
“The lights. Look at them. It really gets me in the Christmas mood,” you say. 
“Oh, yeah. They do look nice. Oh, there’s the skating rink.”
The rink is large and already filled with several people from other couples to families to people just skating solo. There are lights surrounding the rink and you can hear Christmas music playing out of speakers nearby.
You and Jeonghan go and rent your skates before putting them on and heading towards the ice. You slide onto the rink first and then wait for Jeonghan to follow. You watch as he steps out on the ice and moves to push himself forward, only to fall directly on his ass.
You stifle a laugh before reaching down to help him up. As soon as he’s back up Jeonghan moves over to hold onto the wall.
“Is this a bad time to tell you that I’m not very good at ice skating.”
You actually allow yourself to laugh out loud this time. “Why did you agree to come?”
“I don’t know, your mom seemed so excited about it and so did you.”
You smile before skating up to Jeonghan’s side. “That’s sweet of you Han, but we don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. We can just walk around downtown and look at the lights.”
“No, I want to do this,” Jeonghan states, determined.
“Okay, okay. At least let me help you out.” You move your hand to grasp Jeonghan’s and you start to move. Jeonghan gently lets go of the wall to follow you, his grip on your hand tight.
You skate effortlessly, trying not to giggle as Jeonghan does his best not to fall and pull you down with him. You’re skating much slower than you’re used to as Jeonghan clings to your arm.
“How are you so good at this,” Jeonghan whines as you two stop to take a break.
“Ice skating is a family tradition for me. Don’t worry, you look cute.” You reach up to straighten the fluffy hat on his head.
The moment feels oddly intimate, which is an interesting feeling considering you two have seen each other naked. It almost feels like you two are an actual couple, out on a cute Christmas-y date.
If you’re being honest, Christmas has always been your favorite holiday. You love the whole season and the feeling of family and joy and love. When you were little you always dreamed of having a great Christmas romance, and now you have it, it’s just…fake.
You look at Jeonghan to see the soft pink dusting his face and ears and you wonder if it’s because of the cold or if he’s thinking the same thing you are.
“Aww, you two are so cute.” The moment is broken and you look to the side to see an older couple skating up to you two. “Would you like us to take your photo?”
“Oh, um, sure!” You reply, pulling your phone out to hand to them. Your mom did tell you to take lots of photos.
You skate back over to Jeonghan and position yourself next to him, wrapping your arms around his waist as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. You two lean into each other, smiling at the camera. After that photo is taken you lean in to press a kiss to Jeonghan’s cheek.
The couple then returns your phone and bids you a goodbye. You flip through the photos and Jeonghan peeks over your shoulder at them.
“You should send those to me.”
You look at him curiously. In all the time you’ve known Jeonghan, you’ve never known him to care much about having photos of you two together, even as just friends, but you shoot them over to his number anyway. You then grab his hand again and continue to skate.
Even with Jeonghan’s poor skating skills, you two still have fun. The Christmas music sets the mood as you two skate around the rink and you can hear Jeonghan humming along as you skate. The moment is nice.
You two skate for about an hour before Jeonghan’s feet start to hurt and you two decide to put the skates up and pop into a nearby cafe to grab some hot chocolate before exploring downtown more. There is a tree put in the center of the plaza and you and Jeonghan take a few more photos to show your mom.
In the midst of hooking up with Jeonghan, sometimes it’s hard to remember you two are friends as well. You’re a bit glad for this whole fake dating thing, because it gives you a chance to hang out with Jeonghan in a non-sexual manner. It reminds you of how much you like Jeonghan as just a person and how you enjoy spending time with him. It’s really nice.
It’s late into the night when you two finally head back to your house. The lights are already all off and you and Jeonghan creep up to your room quietly, as to not wake up anyone else. You two quietly change into your pajamas before crawling into your bed.
There’s a slight chill in the room and you slide over to Jeonghan to try and get warmer. He accepts you into his arms and you two lay there in silence for a moment before he begins to speak.
“You know, I wasn’t sure about this at first, but I’ve been having a lot of fun. Your family’s great.”
“Yeah…they are. Thanks for doing this for me by the way.”
“I mean, it benefits me too, right,” Jeonghan chuckles.
Right. The reason you’re doing this in the first place: the birth control.
It’s weird to think about now that you’re here. Jeonghan has seemed to blend into your family so well, you nearly forgot the reason this started to begin with.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jeonghan asks.
“What? Oh yeah. I’m just…tired. I think I should try to sleep.”
“Yeah, okay…goodnight.”
When you wake up, Jeonghan is still asleep next to you, and you glance at the clock to see it’s strangely early. It’s then that you hear the tapping on your door and you stand up to crack it open. Your mom is standing on the other side of the door with a paper in her hand.
“Sweetie, sorry to wake you up, but I need you to do me a favor today.”
“What is it Mom? Is everything okay?”
“Oh yes, nothing wrong, but I need you to go out and buy these things for me.” She passes you the list and you scan over it before shooting your mom a look.
“You haven’t gotten the presents yet?” You hiss. “Christmas is in like four days!”
“I know! Me and your father haven’t had time to go with your brother around. Please? Here’s my card.” She passes you her credit card. “You can pick up some gifts for yourself as well. Bring Jeonghan along, get lunch, make a day out of it. Please, Pumpkin?”
“Yeah, sure, Mom. I’ll get it all.”
“Thank you!” Your mom hugs you quickly before leaving. You sigh, staring down at the list. There’s quite a few things on it. The closer you look at it you realize there’s also gifts for your extended family and your father on it. You huff, you have your work cut out for you. At least your mom has marked what store you can find each item.
You walk over to the bed and shake Jeonghan until he wakes up.
“Wha’?”
“Come up, get up. We have a long day of shopping ahead of us and I want to beat the crowds.”
Jeonghan grumbles a bit more but rolls out of bed. You two get dressed before climbing into your car and heading towards the store. You stop at a coffee shop to get both of you take out cups and head to the first store.
Your brother’s Christmas list is mainly toys, which you guess you can expect from a five year old. The toy store is already bustling with people and you grab a cart and Jeonghan’s hand so you don’t lose each other. You make your way through the aisles, doing your best to find everything on the list.
“What about this one?” Jeonghan asks, holding up a green race car. You frown.
“No. He doesn’t like that shade of green, and he already owns three green cars. He wants a purple one…aha! Here it is.” You grab the one on the back of the rack before throwing it into the cart. “Okay. I think there’s toy dinosaurs a few aisles down, and then we should have everything here.”
You two continue through the store before you find the aisle full of different dinosaur themed toys. You pick up a book for you to gift your little brother yourself and then look over the toys.
“He already owns a t-rex, a stegosaurus, and a triceratops,” you mutter more to yourself than Jeonghan. You glance through the toys before landing on a dinosaur with a long neck. “Brachiosaurus, perfect.”
You place this in the cart as well and then turn to Jeonghan, who is smiling at you. “You’re a good big sister, you know that?”
“I’m just doing what my mom asked me,” you tell him as you push the cart towards the check out.
“No I mean, you pay attention to him. You know what toys he already owns and what colors he likes. It’s sweet.”
You brush Jeonghan off again, but the words cause a warm feeling to bloom in your stomach. You two stand in the check out line for what feels like forever before you’re able to leave. As you two are walking to the car you look over at Jeonghan and realize he deserves something for Christmas as well. He’s spending the whole break with you and your family, it’s the least you can do.
“Oh shit, I forgot something. Here, take the car keys, I’ll be back in a flash, I promise.” You hand him the keys before running back into the store before Jeonghan can protest.
You weave through the people before making it to the Lego aisle. You’ve seen all of the models inside his apartment, and you figure this will be a good gift for him. You search through the different kits to find the best one, before settling on the electric guitar set. You’ve seen him play the bass a couple of times, and you hope Jeonghan will still appreciate the thought.
The line is a bit shorter this time and you make sure the box is well hidden in the bag before making your way back to the car. You store the bag in the back before slipping into the driver’s seat.
“You got everything you need?” Jeonghan asks and you smile and nod.
“Yep! On to the next place.” 
The next store is less exciting than being in a toy store and it seems to be even busier. You and Jeonghan hold hands once more as you walk through the store. His humming to the Christmas music on the speakers calms you a bit, and you allow yourself to enjoy the Christmas spirit more.
You and Jeonghan make it through the store, and another one before you decide it’s time for a lunch break. You two find a cute Italian place to sit down and rest your feet. You’re waiting for your food to arrive when your phone dings and you see an Instagram notification. You open your phone to see Jeonghan has tagged you in a post.
The first photo is the two of you at the skating rink, your arms wrapped around each other. There are a few more photos. A photo of you holding your hot chocolate while looking at the lights. The selfie you two took in front of the tree in the plaza. The final photo is a photo of you putting an ornament on your own tree at home. The post is captioned Christmas 🎄🎁☕.
“Our friends are going to think we’re crazy,” you tell Jeonghan. In theory, your friends know you and Jeonghan are sleeping together, but you’ve never explicitly said it, and they most definitely don’t know that Jeonghan is spending Christmas at your house.
“So? Let them. Those are cute photos.” You can’t argue with that and you drop a like and repost it to your story.
When you finish up lunch there’s one more store you two have to hit. There are only a few odd and end items left and you can’t wait to get home. You and Jeonghan are looking at sweaters when you feel someone bump into you and you lurch forward a bit.
“Watch it,” the man growls.
“Hey!” Jeonghan shouts, wrapping an arm around your waist to steady you.
“What?” The man turns back around.
“You bumped into my girlfriend.” Despite this not being the moment to get flustered, hearing Jeonghan call you his girlfriend even without your family around sends butterflies into your tummy.
The man and Jeonghan have a stare down for a moment before the man huffs out a pathetic “sorry” before walking off. 
“Thanks Han,” you say before you place a soft kiss on his cheek.
“Well, some people just belong on the naughty-list,” he says, which makes you chuckle.
By late afternoon you two finally finish shopping and you get a text from your mom that tells you she’s taken your little brother to the grocery store so you and Jeonghan have time to get the gifts in the house without him seeing. You and Jeonghan quickly bring everything to your room before closing the door. You make sure to slip the present for Jeonghan under your bed before he notices and you then turn to him.
“Want to help me wrap these presents?”
“Of course.”
You and Jeonghan sit on the floor of your room, where Jeonghan soon finds out you’re awful at wrapping gifts.
“It’s so easy. It’s just folds and tape,” Jeonghan says as he places a piece of tape on the most perfectly wrapped present you’ve ever seen.
“Oh shush. I usually use gift bags okay? And now I have you, so you can wrap all of the presents from Santa, and I can do the rest,” you declare as you scribble a To: Mom onto the present you finished wrapping.
“Fine, but only because you’re the worst gift wrapping elf I’ve ever seen.”
Though you know it’s meant as an insult, you can’t help but smile at the cuteness of his sentence. You’re also just happy you don’t have to wrap more gifts than necessary.
It’s late when you wake up the next morning, due to the fact you went to bed late last night. You and Jeonghan stayed up to finish wrapping presents and then you two got onto talking about family Christmas tradition and before you knew it, it was two am. 
The bed is chilly and when you sit up to look, the other side of the bed is empty. You wrap a blanket around you and head downstairs to see Jeonghan and your mom sitting at the table talking. When you look out the window it’s a world of white and you start to feel giddy.
“It snowed!” You exclaim. “Hannie, we have to go play in it!”
You know it’s childish, but you can’t help it. You quickly get dressed and put on your winter coat and gloves before heading outside. A few minutes later, Jeonghan exits the house as well, your brother in tow. You search through your garage before you find your sleds and the three of you take a short walk to the park down the street. There’s a big hill next to it and you all take turns riding down it.
“C’mon, ride down together with me.” Jeonghan pats the space in between his legs on the sled and you climb on.
Jeonghan pushes off and then wraps his arms around your waist as you two go speeding down the hill. You can feel the snow fly back into your face and your sled goes tilting before you and Jeonghan are completely thrown off. You two land in a heap together and you both start giggling. You roll over in the snow and start to make a snow angel and Jeonghan does the same.
When you stand up and assess your work, you pull out your phone to snap a photo of the two angels next to each other. You’re just putting your phone away when you feel something cold and hard pelt you in the leg. You look over to see Jeonghan with a mischievous grin on his face, already aiming his next snow ball.
You quickly bend down to grab snow and form your own ammo, while also trying to dodge the onslaught of Jeonghan’s. You two go back and forth, throwing snow at each other, before Jeonghan finally ambushes you and grabs you by the waist and tackles you down into the snow.
You two are breathing heavily as Jeonghan hovers over you. There’s a twinkle in his eye and snow in his hair and you think that this might be the prettiest you’ve ever seen Jeonghan. You’re not sure what comes over you, but you reach up and grab him by the collar of his jacket, pulling him down to connect your lips to his.
Jeonghan melts into you, kissing you back. You two lay there in the snow, kissing, until you hear commotion next to you.
“Ewww.” You both pull apart to see your little brother standing over you two. You and Jeonghan both blush and Jeonghan climbs off of you before helping you up. “I’m getting cold, can we go back home now?”
Neither you nor Jeonghan make eye contact as you grab the sleds. Jeonghan gives your brother a piggyback on the way home when you get inside your brother pulls Jeonghan off to go play video games together. You’re grateful for the break, still a bit flustered from your intense kiss earlier.
You’re luckily able to ignore the boy for the most part for the rest of the day, until it’s time to go to bed. You and Jeonghan shuffle around each other awkwardly until you decide to finally bite the bullet.
“Hey, about the kiss earlier, I’m sorry. I-”
“No, it’s okay!” Jeonghan cuts you off. “Don’t worry I uh…I liked it.”
“O-oh, okay,” you mumble.
Neither of you say anything else as you two climb into bed. You’re not sure if you should move closer to Jeonghan until he reaches over to tug you towards him. You slot yourself into his arms, and you hope he can’t feel your heart beating a million beats per second.
You’re glad you didn’t make anything weird with Jeonghan, but now you’re afraid you may have made things a lot more complicated for yourself.
“You two are on cookie duty,” your mom tells you and Jeonghan as she bustles around the kitchen. She’s been stressed since you two woke up. You suppose that’s fair when it’s Christmas Eve, and it gives you a good reason to not think about you and Jeonghan.
“Can I help? I want to make cookies for Santa!” Your little brother exclaims.
“If you want to, buddy,” you tell him.
“Yay!”
“There’s a recipe book in the cupboard, and I should have picked up all of the ingredients the other day,” your mother continues.
“We’ve got it Mom, no stressing, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you Pumpkin.” Your mom kisses your cheek before running off to finish errands.
You clap your hands together. “Let’s get to baking.”
There’s several cookies your mom has requested you to make and you get to work on the dough for the chocolate chip cookies, while Jeonghan works on the sugar cookies. The chocolate chip cookies are fairly easy and you’re able to pop them into the oven while Jeonghan and your brother are cutting out shapes into the sugar cookies.
“This one is shaped as a snowflake,” your brother explains to Jeonghan as he stamps the dough.
“Ah, I see,” Jeonghan says and you grin. You work around them as you grab the flour to start making gingerbread.
Right as you’re walking past Jeonghan, he spins around, running into you and getting a cloud of flour all over both of you. You can hear your little brother giggling as Jeonghan huffs a laugh.
“You know, darling, this is pretty cliche,” Jeonghan says, still grinning.
“It would only be cliche if I smear frosting on the tip of your nose,” you tell him, continuing to walk past. “But, don’t count that out yet.” 
By the afternoon the house is warm and filled with the sweet scent of baked goods. The cookies are cooled and all three of you have already sneaked one or two for yourselves as you sit down to decorate. Your brother has been given the task of frosting the sugar cookies for Santa, while you and Jeonghan get to work building a gingerbread house.
“Look, not to brag, but I’ve come in second place every year for my family’s gingerbread house contest.”
“Second place? Why not first?” You snicker.
“Because my cousin is an architect, okay. It’s called an unfair advantage.”
You giggle once more. “If you say so, Hannie. Here, you can make the shingles with these.”
The two of you work in harmony, decorating the little house with all of the candy. When the house is finished you two move onto making the little gingerbread man.
“Look at little Hannie,” Jeonghan says, holding up the gingerbread man he just made. It’s decorated to look like Jeonghan, even done with his signature smirk.
“Very cute,” you tell him. “But your hair isn’t that long anymore.” You reach over and swipe some of the icing used to make his hair off of the cookie before reaching up to smear it on Jeonghan’s nose.
“Oh I see,” Jeonghan hums, doing his best to keep the grin off his face.
“I told you, don’t count it out yet.”
Before you can even stop him, Jeonghan is dipping into the bowl of frosting and swiping a streak over your cheek. You squeal as Jeonghan grins proudly. 
“There, now we’re even.” You fake pout at Jeonghan slightly and he playfully rolls his eyes before leaning in and kissing your cheek, right over the icing. When he pulls away, he’s licking his lips. “I’m sorry, but revenge just tastes so sweet, darling.”
It’s your turn to playfully roll your eyes now, not at all upset with Jeonghan’s antics.
You finish up your gingerbread self as well and place it next to Jeonghan’s in front of the house. Jeonghan pushes his towards yours even more, so their hands touch. “Look, they’re now holding hands.” 
“You’re so stupid,” you tell him, but you’re smiling.
“You like that I’m stupid,” Jeonghan teases.
“Maybe…but only a little bit,” you say, but it’s enough to make Jeonghan grin from ear to ear.
It's a Christmas tradition in your house to spend Christmas Eve watching everyone’s favorite Christmas movies, and this year your brother is actually able to make a suggestion. 
“Jeonghan, sweetie, you get to suggest a movie as well,” your mother tells him as she readies the hot chocolate.
“Really? I wouldn’t want to impose?”
“You should know by now you’re not imposing, and if anything, it’s Christmas Eve, you deserve to have some cheer as well. It will be nice to have something new in the lineup of movies.”
Your mom starts to pour the hot chocolate into mugs before sliding the reindeer shaped mug towards your brother. It’s his favorite cup to use, even when it’s not the Christmas season, though it was originally gifted to you.
“No Mom, let Jeonghan have it.” Your brother declares as he pushes the mug towards Jeonghan.
“For me? Thank you!”
You lean in towards Jeonghan. “He must really like you. He doesn’t even let me use that mug, and it belongs to me.”
After the hot chocolate and cookies have been passed out to everyone (and your brother has set some out for Santa), you all move into the living room. Your parents sit in their chairs and your little brother places himself on the floor right in front of the TV. You and Jeonghan move over to the couch where you naturally slot yourself into his arms, you two cuddling up together as you throw a blanket over your laps.
The first movie of the night is your brother’s choice, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It’s a classic and you can’t be mad at the choice. The whole time Jeonghan keeps making jokes only loud enough for you to hear and you keep giggling, causing your brother to glare at you, causing you to elbow Jeonghan in his side.
“You better not distract me when we’re watching my movie,” you warn Jeonghan.
Jeonghan throws his hands up in fake surrender. “Oh darling I wouldn’t dare.”
Your favorite Christmas movie is A Charlie Brown Christmas and you make your family watch it every year. For you, it never gets old, and you watch it with what can only be described as stars in your eyes. You know Jeonghan finds it amusing, but you can’t help your love for all things Peanuts and something about that silly little Christmas tree brings you joy.
Instead of your parents choosing a movie, Jeonghan gets to choose this year, and you’re thankful you don’t have to watch your dad’s choice, A Christmas Story. Instead Jeonghan chooses the Jim Carey version of The Grinch, which makes you grin wide.
“That’s my second favorite Christmas movie. Did you know that?”
“Nope, I guess we just have great taste, darling.”
“Of course we do. I mean, we’re dating each other,” you flirt and you watch Jeonghan duck his head in embarrassment.
Jeonghan shifts his position so you’re sitting in between his legs, leaning back against him. His arms wrap around your waist as he rests his head on your shoulder. It’s cozy and your heart feels full at the moment.
You know none of it is real, that it’s all fake for something as trivial as birth control, but right now, you so desperately want it to be real. Enough that you’ll let yourself believe it is, even if it’s just for a moment.
It’s late when the movie is finished and your brother is doing his best to keep his eyes open.
“Hey little man, if you don’t go to bed soon, Santa won’t come,” you tell him as you pick him up in your arms.
“B-but Santa has to come,” he mutters in a sleepy voice.
“Well then let us put you to bed.” You carry your brother to his bedroom, Jeonghan following you behind.
“What if I can’t sleep? Is Santa still going to come?”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to sleep, buddy. Do you want us to read you a story?”
“Please?”
“Hey Han, there’s a copy of The Night Before Christmas in my room, could you go grab it?” You ask Jeonghan and he nods. He comes back a few minutes later, holding the book. He settles next to you on the bed and you hold the book open for your little brother to see.
You and Jeonghan take turns narrating the book until your little brother’s eyes droop down and he’s fast asleep. You and Jeonghan quietly sneak out of the room and slip into yours. Due to the presents being hidden in your room, it’s your turn to play Santa.
You and Jeonghan carry the presents to the living room before placing them under the tree. It looks picture perfect when you two are done. You and Jeonghan move over to the plate of cookies set out before both grabbing one and tapping them together.
“Cheers,” Jeonghan says.
“Cheers, to our success at playing Santa.” You both bite into your cookies, making sure to leave crumbs on the plate for your brother to see in the morning. You split the glass of milk, leaving a few drops at the bottom.
“Look.” Jeonghan points up and you catch sight of the spring of mistletoe. Your family has never been ones to do mistletoe and you wonder if your mom put it up this year just because she knew Jeonghan was going to be with you.
You’re surprised you didn’t see it earlier, but to be fair you haven’t been home much the past few days, and even when you have you haven’t been near the fireplace. 
Right then the clock in your house strikes midnight, and you lean in to kiss Jeonghan. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into him, as you cup his face. You two kiss for what you’re sure is much longer than it needs to be before pulling away.
“Merry Christmas, Jeonghan.”
“Merry Christmas, darling.” 
“Santa! Santa, Santa, Santa! Santa was here!” You wake up to screaming and you barely have time to process what is happening when your bedroom door is flung open and there’s a tiny body attacking you and Jeonghan.
“Yeah, buddy, we know,” you mumble as Jeonghan yawns loudly. “We’ll be there in a second.”
“You better be.” With that your brother leaves and you and Jeonghan decide it’ll be best if you two make your way into the living room.
Your parents are both already in the living room, both of them looking tired as well. Your brother is eagerly sitting in front of the tree, inspecting each present as he waits for you and Jeonghan to shuffle over to the couch. Jeonghan sits down and you practically sit on his lap with how close you get to him, cuddling into his side, wishing you were still asleep.
“Merry Christmas! Say hi to the camera,” your dad says as he holds his phone up to record your little brother.
“Hi!” He says while waving enthusiastically. “Merry Christmas! Can I open my presents now?”
Your mom chuckles before telling him to do so.
You watch with half interest as your brother opens his presents, doing your best to wake up. Jeonghan is warm against you, though, and it makes you more sleepy. It isn’t until your brother is almost done opening his presents from Santa that you’re awake.
As soon as your dad has picked up all of the wrapping paper, you move towards the tree to open your own presents. It’s nothing much, as you really only asked for clothes and a few other things for your apartment. The life of a college student.
When you’ve thanked your parents for your presents you hand them their presents from you. You’re satisfied at the giddy your little brother has for the dinosaur book you got him and he gives you a giant hug.
“Pumpkin, what’s that present left under the tree?” Your mom points at the final present under the tree.
“It’s my present for Jeonghan,” you say as you pick it up and hand it to the boy.
“You got me something?” Jeonghan asks you, a bit of awe in his face.
“Of course.” You sit down next to him and press a kiss to his cheek. “I hope you like it.”
Jeonghan rips the wrapping paper off to reveal the Lego set underneath, and Jeonghan gasps. There’s an excited grin on his face as he looks between the box and you.
“You got me this?”
“Yeah, I noticed the sets in your room and thought you’d like this. I know you play the bass but-”
Jeonghan cuts you off by lunging forward and kissing you. You melt into him, reciprocating the kiss. When you pull back, there’s a twinkle in his eye. “Thank you, it’s perfect.”
“Oh, let me take a photo!” Your mom exclaims. “Go stand in front of the tree.”
You know there’s not fighting your mom and you pull Jeonghan over. You press your sides together, smiling at the camera. Your brother wants on as well so you two pick him up and hold him between you two.
“Aww, my babies, you guys look so cute! Okay, now who wants breakfast?”
You’re standing on your back porch, watching the snow fall, when you hear steps approaching. When you turn around you’re not surprised to see Jeonghan approaching you.
“You know, you didn’t have to get me anything for Christmas. Let alone a Lego set.”
You shrug. “I wanted to. You’re doing this for me, and I wanted to give you something to show my appreciation.”
“Well thank you. It means a lot to me.” Jeonghan moves closer to you and wraps his arms around you. You accept his hug, snuggling into his arms. “I’m sorry I didn’t have anything for you.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to. You just being here is enough.”
Jeonghan pulls away from you slightly, so he can look you in the eyes. You can see him struggling to say what he wants to, before he eventually just spits it out. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “Is everything okay?”
“I…I’ve really enjoyed the past week, and it’s made me realize I need to be honest with you. I really like you, and I have since we first met. We had that first date which ended in us having sex, and when you never brought up a second date I kind of figured you just wanted to keep it on a physical level. I didn’t mind, but I guess I always kind of wanted it to be more,” Jeonghan admits. “And being here, and spending all this time together and not having sex, it kind of made me realize just how much I like you.” 
You can feel your heart beating in your chest as Jeonghan speaks. He likes you. Yoon Jeonghan likes you, and has had a crush on you since you first met. The notion makes your stomach erupt in butterflies.
You stare at him, his cheeks slightly pink from the cold and white snowflakes dotting his black hair. He looks like an angel.
“I understand if you don’t like me back, but I needed to tell you that. I’m not sure what this means for us but-”
It’s now your turn to cut Jeonghan off with a kiss. Your hold on him tightens as you pull him into you and Jeonghan eagerly accepts. He moves his hands to cup the back of your neck, holding you gently as he deepens the kiss. You’re both a little breathless when you pull apart and Jeonghan has a giant smile on his face.
“I like you too. A lot. And being here made me realize I want this to be real, if you do too.”
“Yes. I would love that.”
“Well then, I hate to inform you that I don’t think we can be fake dating anymore, as I have a very real boyfriend.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh yes. And he’s very handsome and talented and a very good kisser.”
“Well it’s a good thing I also have a very real girlfriend, who is also a very good kisser.” Jeonghan’s face gets closer to yours as he talks before he leans in fully at the end, kissing you once more.
“Your father and I are going to go look at Christmas lights with your brother. Would you two like to join?” You mom pokes her head into your bedroom where you and Jeonghan are cuddled up on your bed, watching a movie.
You've been spending the day just enjoying each other's presence. You've also been answering sporadic texts from your friends, asking about you and Jeonghan after your Instagram post earlier.
You posted the photo of you kissing his cheek in the ice rink, the photos your mom took this morning, and a photo of your gingerbread men holding hands, captioned My favorite present this year ♡. Your friends have been hounding you about it since.
You glance at Jeonghan and down at your laptop before turning to your mom.
“I think we’ll just stay here,” you tell her.
She just smiles at you two. “Okay, have fun. We’ll probably be gone for a few hours.” Neither you nor Jeonghan miss the wink she sends you two.
You can hear the garage door open and close as your family leaves and you and Jeonghan both glance at each other. You’re not quite sure what the rules are on how long you should wait to have sex after becoming a couple, but then again, it’s not like you and Jeonghan haven’t fucked before.
“Do you want to-”
“You know just because we-”
You both stop talking when you realize the other one is. You gesture for Jeonghan to continue.
“Just because we’re now officially dating, doesn’t mean we can’t still have sex,” Jeonghan says. “Unless you want to wait.”
“No, I actually was going to ask if you uh, wanted to have sex.” You almost feel awkward, talking about it, like you two haven’t been hooking up on the regular for over a year.
You’re relieved of the uncomfortableness as soon as Jeonghan turns to kiss you. After a week of kissing for show, it’s nice to finally kiss him for yourself. As strange as it might be, it feels nice to kiss Jeonghan like this. Though you’re excited to see where dating Jeonghan takes you, hooking up is how you know him best.
Jeonghan moves your laptop off your laps and climbs on top of you, pressing you into the bed. Though you’re used to sleeping with Jeonghan, there’s still a new air to this. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jeonghan so eager to fuck you, but you can’t say you’re complaining at all. 
Your lips slide together, deepening the kiss, as Jeonghan’s hand ghosts your waist. You can feel his tongue swipe against your lips right as he starts to push his hand up under your shirt. You gasp when you feel his hand grope your tits and Jeonghan takes that moment to slip his tongue into your mouth.
You whimper as you feel his hand slide under your bra as well, his fingers playing with your nipples. His tongue explores the inside of your mouth and you suck on it slightly before pulling away all together. As you take a moment to catch your breath, Jeonghan moves down to suck at your neck.
“F-fuck, Hannie,” you whine.
“So pretty, darling,” Jeonghan mutters.
You push Jeonghan off of you slightly, so you can remove both your shirt and bra. With your chest now bare, Jeonghan takes the liberty of wrapping his lips around your nipple. He flicks the bud with his tongue, while his hand shows the other one some love. Your body arches up into his touch as you feel your cunt clench down around nothing, desperate to have him inside of you.
Jeonghan must realize this as well, and he pops his mouth off of you. “Want me to touch you, pretty girl?”
“Please,” you beg. You wiggle your hips a bit and Jeonghan chuckles as he hooks his fingers into your waistband and slides both your pajama pants and underwear off in one go. Like he’s on autopilot, Jeonghan reaches down and starts to rub at your clit with two fingers. 
“Fuck, you’re so wet already. Do you want my fingers or my mouth?”
“D-don’t care,” you mutter, already enjoying the pleasure of his fingers pressed against you. “Pick one. Both. Whatever. Just please, don’t stop touching me.”
You gasp a bit when Jeonghan pushes your legs apart even further, allowing himself to slip in between them. He leans down and starts to kiss your thighs, leaving small nips every once in a while. When it’s clear you’re too impatient for this, Jeonghan closes the gap between his mouth and your pussy, pressing a kiss to your entrance. From there, it only gets messier as Jeonghan darts his tongue out to lap at your arousal. He licks a thick strip along your slit, stopping at your clit so he can wrap his lips around it. You moan as you feel him suck on the bud.
His hands are holding on tight to your thighs, keeping them apart. His tongue swirls around your clit and you buck your hips up as your hands fly to grip onto the sheets. You’re sure you look pathetic, but you don’t care if it means you can get head this good.
His mouth switches between sucking your clit and licking at your entrance. You’re dripping slick now, even as Jeonghan licks it up. He buries his face between your thighs deeper, and you’re sure his face is a mess now. He drags his teeth against your sensitive clit and you whine loudly.
Jeonghan seems to be happy with his affect on you and he finally gives attention to how empty you feel. His finger rubs your slit for a second before he pushes it inside of you. You’re completely drenched and his finger glides in with ease, allowing him to slide a second one in not long after. 
His mouth is still working at your clit as he fucks a third finger into you. He thrusts them deeper each time, curling them back to hit the soft spot of your walls. It pays off to have someone know your body so well, and you can already feel your brain going fuzzy as Jeonghan knows all the right places to hit.
Your abs tighten as you can feel yourself approaching your orgasm. Your thighs clamp down around Jeonghan’s head as a warning, and then you’re shaking as you reach your high. You moan freely, your hands grasping at the sheets, as Jeonghan continues to work you through it.
When your body has calmed down, you sink into the bed, allowing yourself to rest for a moment. Jeonghan has finally come up for air, his whole face shiny with your arousal. You grab him a tissue and he wipes off his mouth and fingers.
“You’re turn,” you whisper as you push Jeonghan down onto the bed. He’s still completely dressed you and push his shirt up to kiss down his stomach before pulling down his pants and underwear like he did to you. 
His cock springs free, fully hard and leaking. You slot yourself between his legs and waist no time taking the tip in between your lips. You suck gently before working your way down his length. After doing this many times, you’ve had practice taking him, and you can completely get his whole cock down your throat.
Though Jeonghan isn’t very blessed in the girth department, his cock is the longest you’ve ever been with, being able to reach deep inside you and down your throat. You bob your head up and down, letting his tip hit the back of your throat, before you pop off his cock, wrapping your lips around the shaft as your hand fondles his balls.
Your tongue darts out so you can run it against his cock, swirling it around the rim of his tip. You can hear the stuttered breathing of Jeonghan above you, as you back to sucking at the head of his cock. His pre-cum coats your tongue, and you have to admit, the salty taste brings you joy.
“G-gonna cum,” Jeonghan mumbles before he’s spilling his load right into your mouth. You do your best to catch it all, but some still slips out and drips down your chin, which you think makes Jeonghan cum even harder. “Fuck, your mouth is so good.”
You pull your mouth off of Jeonghan, swallowing the rest of the cum in your mouth, and Jeonghan groans. You crawl back up to Jeonghan’s face, kissing him. If the fact you just had his dick in your mouth bothers Jeonghan, he doesn’t show it.
“Need you in me, Hannie,” you tell him.
“Okay baby,” Jeonghan responds. He flips you over, so you’re laying on your back. He removes his shirt, so you’re both completely naked, before leaning down to kiss you again.
You’re not sure how his cock is still hard, despite just cumming, but you can’t complain when you feel him rubbing his tip against your slit. His kiss deepens as he pushes inside of you, your walls clenching down to mold against his cock.
You try to relax, but he feels so good sliding into you. After a moment he’s fully inside of you, his tip pressed snug up against your cervix. Jeonghan slowly slides out of you before slamming back in. Your pussy is soaking wet and you’re sure Jeonghan’s cock is drenched, if the wet squelch was any indicator.
Jeonghan starts to slowly thrust in and out of you, building up his pace as he goes. Your thighs hug his hips as you wrap your legs around him and your fingers dig into his back. You can feel his mouth suck at your collarbone as he slams into you harder.
His cock reaches deep in you, the drag of his cock against your walls causing your brain to go even more incoherent. All you can think about is Jeonghan and his body against yours and his cock fucking you so good. There’s a reason you’ve let him hit with no strings attached for so long, it’s just even better now that you can fully call him yours.
“You feel so good around me,” Jeonghan mumbles into your neck. “Perfect fucking pussy.”
“Love your cock,” you mumble back. “So deep inside.”
“Fuck, need you to ride me.”
You and Jeonghan take a moment to reposition and then you’re bouncing in his lap. Your grip onto his shoulders tight for leverage as you fuck yourself on his cock. His cock hits as a new angle in this position and all you can do is moan like a bitch in heat. 
Jeonghan reaches down and grabs onto your ass, guiding you up and down his cock as he squeezes the flesh. Your tits are bouncing wildly in Jeonghan’s face and he leans forward, sucking one into his mouth. You throw your head back as your eyes flutter close, lost in your pleasure. 
Your thighs get tired at some point and you start to just grind against him, his cock curving up into you at just the right angle. Jeonghan can sense your neglected clit and he reaches down to start rubbing circles into it. Your cunt clenches down, and both you and Jeonghan can tell you’re about to cum soon.
“Need your cum, Hannie,” you tell him, your words slurring together. “Fill me up.”
“Anything for you, darling,” Jeonghan says, half delirious himself.
It only takes one final jerk of your clit to have you trembling around him. Your pussy walls fluttering against his cock as you fall forward against Jeonghan, your body twitching as you cum. You can feel Jeonghan’s cock throbbing inside of you as he cums as well, filling you full of his seed.
You both lay like that for a while, with Jeonghan still inside of you as you exchange soft kisses. When it’s clear you need to get up, you slowly lift yourself off of Jeonghan’s cock, and you can feel his cum slide out of you.��
“Fuck, we need to wash my sheets,” you mumble.
“Okay, but let’s cuddle for just a bit longer.” And well, you can’t say no to that.
“Oh, we hate to see you two go,” you mom says as Jeonghan finishes putting your things into your car. “Visit soon, okay? And bring Jeonghan as well.”
“Yes Mom, I will.” You lean in to hug her.
“Thank you for allowing me to stay with you guys over break,” Jeonghan tells your mom and she pulls him into a hug as well.
“Thank you for being such a good guest. And for being such a good boyfriend to our Pumpkin. Visit soon, okay sweetheart?”
“Of course.” Jeonghan smiles at your mom.
“Bye-bye!” Your little brother says as he hugs your leg. You reach down and pick him up so you and Jeonghan can hug him in between you two. You press a kiss to his cheek.
“Bye, buddy. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Seen you soon!” You let him down and he runs off.
“Text me as soon as you get to your apartment.”
“I will. Okay, we really have to go.”
“I love you,” your mom says as she kisses your cheek.
“I love you too.” 
“Okay bye Pumpkin, bye Jeonghan.” You both wave before climbing into the car.
As you take off you reach over and grab Jeonghan’s hand. 
“Well it seems this was a successful trip,” Jeonghan says.
“Very,” you agree.
You not only got a boyfriend, but now you don’t ever have to tell your mom you lied to her to get on birth control. It’s really a win-win situation in your eyes.
You glance over at Jeonghan to see him already staring back at you. Yeah, it truly is a win.
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sp-bf · 1 year
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god fucking hell
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