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tomyo · 11 months

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Nimona and a Decade of the Queer Experience

To me one of the most anticipated aspects of the Nimona adaptation was to see how they changed the a lot of the queer themes from the original comic. Nimona was created in a time where it was still taboo to represent same sex relationships in anything trying to be marketable into an era where it is so commonplace that Nimona would have seemed regressive if it stayed true to the material.

Naturally the way Blackheart and Goldenloin are portrayed has greatly changed but also has a lot of the message from the original. Nimona is now about the trans experience.

This isn't to say transness was never at the core of Nimona but I don't think even baby nonbinary me would have been able to connect it directly to that.

Nimona the comic, to me, deals with similar but different issues from Nimona the movie. The comic was a story of trying to upheave an untrustworthy militarized state through the initially goofy lens of a budding father daughter relationship that ultimately fails.

Blackheart at the start of the comic already is trying to defy the government and Nimona seeks him out because he's actually playing the role of the villain already. She herself felt like this mix of female and queer rage. It made believe somewhat in the idea that the little girl by the end of the story was truly her who had once tried to do better for her home and was rejected for becoming something *different*. Overall you can feel more presently that deafening dread that Blackheart and Goldenloin love each other and acknowledging that would ruin both of their lives. This is moreso due to that whole conflict of their ideologies and sides they are on interfering but the metaphor is there. We could read this easily as Blackheart being out of the closet and at odds with society where Goldenloin on in the closet and working on the name of oppression. By showing Blackheart looking visibly like a villain it harkens back to the queer coding of Disney villains and a feeling a lot of queer people had to experience at that time, being an enemy to the public simply for existing. Coming back to Nimona, she's the perfect example of a trans masc egg experience; punk in a way that isn't fully certain in embracing or trashing anything feminine. Not fully androgynous but butchy and an unfocused anger at everything around them. I can never speak for the entirety of the trans experience but I know the feeling being born in an afab body and violently hating the society that I want badly to accept me, the way we insist that we intend to fully express our being while also creating this weird mix of unconvincing conformity. Again I laugh so much at her design elements; shaved head, tomboyish in chainmail but with curves, and short dresses, and impractical belts. Her actions also read as someone who's greatest sore point is loss of her bodily autonomy which ultimately she's subjected to during the climax. The monster/power of Nimona to me tends to ultimately mirror more of an emotional state rather than transness itself. Both version of Nimona have people see it as something Nimona is inflicted with rather than a part of her existence as she reveals at the end. Even Blackheart believe he can cure her of it with the equivalence of a procedure or medication but it's because he only perceives Nimona as the little girl and not the little girl as a part of the whole that is the dragon. I think there is a lot of things we can read into the dragon being and even at the idea that queerness is something people seek to cure that doesn't need one in the first place. And ultimately that's why the story ends on the somber tone it does, the biggest focus of the story was how Blackheart became the parent to Nimona and misguidedly tried to 'fix' her. And like a lot of people, especially for the time period, Nimona had to leave behind the family and society that couldn't accept her as her.

And so we move forward through the years.

Media is not made in a vacuum, Nimona the comic is a critique of early 2010s ideologies and maybe doesn't even worry about them as serious in a pre 2016 world. Nimona 2023 however exists on the other side of that threshold. Like I said, I don't think the original comic was consciously trans mostly because the zeitgeist wasn't conscious of transness. 2012-2014 (the comic's creation period) encapsulated me personally going from no aware knowledge of gender to confusion at learning my friend's pronouns to fully identifying as nonbinary in a world few people knew what that meant. But not long after that we had Korra's ending, the reveal of Ruby and Sapphire, Kaitlynn Jenner, Menanists, and then the nightmare of the 2016 election and all that came with it. The truth is a contradiction occurred; queerness became a part of the in group so long as it followed the rules of heteronormativity. I think it is fair to say a lot of queer people became more eeeh conservative for lack of better terms. For once we finally had a chance to be out and so long as we followed the conditions set out, exist well. We can live comfortably, why rock the boat? In other words, respectability politics. We are then at odds with those who believe we should keep complacent for fear of being rejected.

That brings us to Nimona the movie.

Blackheart no longer is the guerilla activist he once was, we now are introduced to him as a part of the system; specifically the model minority. Movies only have so much time for you to build understanding of it's world themes and ideas and so it tends to need to be more punchy with getting the point across otherwise become less coherent. So rather on the nose "Knighting a non noble is against god" as very flatly stated in the begging. Since the time of the comic, being gay has been normalized and we now see Blackheart and Goldenloin start out as a couple (to be frank I couldn't fully tell if they were official or not but they were all but in writing together) and by in universe logic, Goldenloin is the golden child pastor's son with divisively accepted boyfriend. Blackheart is an inspiration for his common men while his noble classmates are disgusted at the idea of him being allowed the same rights as them, essentially being allowed to be an policeman. It's his role as the model minority that he still believes the system is right when he is framed for murder; it is the one bad actor who's at fault despite a whole society shunning him with little reasoning needed.

Nimona in the other hand is a bit more in control of the relationship. Nimona of the comic latched onto a spurned man who was more methodical than she was in her work but Nimona of the movie is pretty much what pushes Blackheart into the image of a villain. Movie Nimona's goal is more or less to find community and for reasons we will get to only believes she can find it with other cast aside from society. She is jaded enough to know that Blackheart will continue to be labeled as the way they do to her. This time the shape shifting is explicitly trans; Nimona now is no longer worried about experimentation or trying to be cured but of being called a monster, the fear of her, and eradication; words I feel like I've heard too much in lgbt spaces lately. She talks about wanting her own demise with her heard turned down and eyes somber in moments that hit too close to home. She is a worn down warrior for her own existence. On safer grounds with Blackheart she more wittingly challenges his transphobia. Blackheart cannot perceive her out of the binary that she is default a girl and her transformations are something else, he asks if her transitions hurt, and he tries to convince her to blend in with others for his own comfort. As he spends more time with her, he's able to view the world he was taught differently and doesn't view the less pretty sides of Nimona as scary. However, programming is hard to free yourself out of.

The Director is by definition, conservative. She believes is a religious like text that society should not change unless it all falls a part. Her belief in this runs so deep that she easily is willing to kill pseudo religious figures as her personal code of morals override any actual logic in faith(anyone remember how magas talk about Trump as being sent by God while also disavowing him for encouraging vaccinations?). Her rhetoric that non nobles with be a societal slip eminates classism and racism (commoner is somewhat of a race allegory). She denies her own words to hold power, criticizes Nimona of whispering deceipt into blackhearts ear while actually being the one doing so to Goldenloin, and justifies her actions through holy scripts. She holds a stern belief in cleansing the society of it's demons down to intending to kill a large part of her society to rid it of the tran metaphor Nimona is. She is the quintessential conservative power so bent on it staying that way that she will destroy everything in spite of any logic to why it's right. Goldenloin, as the champion of the institution, a head cop if you will, looks upon the chaos learning the director's intent to kill thousands and says "what are we doing here?" A lot of institutions (aah there's the naming for you) in our country are like this. I think to some like, there are people who entered religion or became a police officer because they wanted to do good. But the rhetoric in these spaces can skew that perspective exponentially. Some with better access out may find that point of "What are we doing her" The moment the logic of the system no longer makes sense. I would love to talk more a lot this an the comic institution at a later point.

Back to Nimona and the queer identity.

Nimona was searching for a group to accept her, changing her appearance to fit in. She thinks she has it with Gloreth until Gloreth is taught that Nimona's existence was monstrous and rejects her as well. The scene of the villagers attacking her is poinient as well; they endanger and threaten her with violence (which would likely have been more explicit if not for kids) and she first turns to something weaker to escape but they refuse and so she is forced to turn to something bigger ane vicious in order to live but it only sets up the narrative that there is a reason to fear her when she didnt attack first, she simply had to protect herself. Nimona in the present is ready for her death, the narrative so out of control that it breaks her.

Blackheart is able to bring her back from the brink by doing the important thing of truly apologizing, have humility for his mistrust and bigotry, and offer her support on equal terms. Nimona this time does not flee her friend that failed her but sacrifice herself for the hope of a better future beyond the walls.

The final part to mention; the walls. The walls are mad out as a big deal in this. No one leaves beyond them and the one small town of Gloreth fills to a big capitalist tech dystopia that markets dragons as both cute mascots and something to eradicate to as young as children. Society is a small shoebox not allowed to even see beyond the walls; see a new potential of this world. Simply put, the beyond is the beyond of heteronormative society. Even as society has become more accepting of LGBT identities, it has only liked to consume it in an easily interpreted manor. There are a lot of even just fringe identities that used to get lambasted for being weird simply for existing, trying to apply those same rules within their spaces as they've become socially acceptable. For every push forward we make, there is still presentation and identity that will get ostracized for being out of the box. We create these walls and only build them out further every so often rather than knocking them down. If there is anything to take from Nimona it's to embrace the beyond.

Morning edit; Hiii thank you for reading all of this. I kinda furiously typed this after watching the movie last night and there are certainly some flaws for it. Towards the end you can see a lot of typos because I was literally falling asleep and there are definitely some concepts I would've liked to flesh out better but kinda glossed over to focus on what the stories were saying about Nimona specifically. I think if anything, I'd want to reexamine Blackheart in both stories because I honestly forgot a lot of his actions in the comic, same with the institution because it took a while to even remember about the Director being a character from the comic. To be real, there's some really specific events on where Nimona was made that tend to hit me pretty hard so I rushed through the comic when I read it last year. I might try to take me time now because Nimona is so meaningful. I even want to talk about how it made sense Disney tried to shut it down (I'm certain there's a lot of business reasons but I don't think it was compatible with the Disney brand). For all the ways we have queer stories, I don't think we see a lot of trans stories yet. I'm hoping the series like Dead End Paranormal Park and Nimona are the start of a new era that focally represent that.

#nimona

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gale-dekarios · 3 months

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Bouncing Baby Bloodsucker

Astarion and Tav had no reason to suspect that the undead would be able to reproduce. Turns out they were wrong. They approach Shadowheart with one question on their minds: will a baby vampire kill a human parent?

Trans Male!Tav/Astarion whoopsy-daisy into becoming dads.

Rated: M

Read me on [AO3]

“Well yes,” Shadowheart snipped, “that’s usually what happens when you have unprotected sex.”

“Between the living, yes, but the undead shouldn’t be able to-- right?” Tav asked, pitching forward in his seat. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Astarion that his hands had been held loosely over his protruding stomach ever since he began to suspect that the morning sickness, skipped periods, and extra weight was more than a rough patch in his health.

Shadowheart folded her arms, raising a brow, “I’m hardly an expert. Why didn’t you go to a normal doctor?”

“What a good idea Shadowheart! I’m sure any local doctor will act completely reasonably when they find out that a foul creature of the night left a surprise vamplet inside him. Should we break out the good torches and pitchforks?”

Despite his shortness, Astarion’s knuckles were held tight against his sides, reaching a shade of white that was truly alarming given his natural paleness, and he was pretty sure he was shaking to boot. The guilt; -- at not knowing better, at not taking precautions, of putting a bloodsucking demon with an unknown depth of hunger into his beloved partner, endangering them from the inside in a way he couldn’t begin to help with, -- wracked through his body in fresh waves as his thoughts spiralled like a madman’s.

“Shadowheart,” Tav pleaded, grabbing one of her hands in his, “We need to know what we’re dealing with here.”

She sighed, face screwing in concentration. “Fine. Hold on.”

She rose from her chair, marching across the room to pull some writing paper and an ink pen out from an old drawer, the pen scratching against the page disturbing an otherwise silent room.

Tav gave Astarion a weak smile, who in turn couldn’t muster one of his own. ‘I’m so sorry,’ Astarion mouthed to him, but it only made Tav’s brow furrow. He reached over and grabbed his hand, pulling it out of its fist, rubbing his thumb across his aching knuckles as he held it gently in his palms. The kindness of the gesture had Astarion’s stomach in uncomfortable knots. He couldn’t have told you how many people he had had sex with over the centuries, but the idea that his biology had only chosen to kick in now felt like a cruel joke the world was playing on him. Or rather, he really, really hoped his biology had only chosen to kick in now. The alternative was too ghastly to imagine.

“Alright, hopefully we’ll hear back soon.” Shadowheart broke the silence. She held the paper in clasped hands and muttered a few arcane words over it, the letter bursting into blinding divine radiance before disappearing from sight. She sat back down, levelling Tav with a sympathetic stare. “Are you alright? You look sick.” (Astarion tensed.)

“I don’t know how I am, it’s just… all so much. I’ve barely slept since we realised that I might be-- I think I’m too exhausted for it to have truly sank in yet.”

“I should take you back home,” Astarion said, his voice cracking at the end.

“You’re also free to sleep here for a while, if you like.”

Tav nodded, pulling his hand away from Astarion’s, and with it the little reassurance he had. “Thank you Shadowheart, really. I know all of this really isn’t your thing.”

“No, it’s not, but your little interloping tadpole is hardly the first daunting task we’ve dealt with together. At least this one doesn’t make a meal of your brain.” The joke fell flat as the unspoken sentiment filled a glaring hole in the conversation. A meal of his brain, perhaps not, but a vampire foetus to a living father hardly spells good news. Shadowheart sighed to herself softly, “The bedsit is through there, make yourself at home.”

Tav nodded and stood, leaning down to kiss his partner's cheek gently, before leaving the room silently, their absence haunting the chair next to Astarion. He crossed his legs, hands buried deep into the crook of his elbows as he and Shadowheart began a staring competition.

Loathe as he was to, he broke first. “Well?” He said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “Is he going to die?”

“We won’t know for certain until we hear back.” Shadowheart answered truthfully, “But it’s not looking good. He seems to have the markers of a regular pregnancy for now, but it’s likely because the thing doesn’t have teeth to bite yet.”

Astarion flinched. “We didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“But it did.” Shadowheart snapped, before tempering her rage, blowing a short breath out. “Listen, I don’t think you’d do anything to intentionally hurt him, not anymore. But the truth is that the living and the dead are incompatible. It just doesn’t work. The living are always going to end up dead, or the dead are destroyed so the living might continue.”

Astarion shook his head. “No, we’ve been through far too much now to just give up anytime there’s a bump in the road. We’ll figure this out and be more careful from now on.”

“Astarion.” Shadowheart warned. “Depending on what we hear back, there might not be a ‘from now on’, do you understand that? You spent so long luring people back for Cazador, why did it never occur to you that this could be possible?”

“Do you think I should have asked before or after torture sessions?” he snapped in return. “There was hardly a guidebook he handed out when he turned us, and the welcoming committee -- my darling siblings -- didn’t know any more than me either.”

Shadowheart straightened up, “Your siblings.”

“Yes, what about them?”

“You have six of them. And seven thousand more victims roaming the Underdark.”

“If they survived, yes.”

“Well surely you can’t be the first that this has happened to. If it’s true that Cazador never mentioned it was possible to you, they wouldn’t know either. Do you think you could find some of them? Ask around to see if anybody down there has had the same problem as you?”

Astarion’s brow creased in distaste. “Even if I could find some of them, for a lot of them I’m the last person they want to see, especially heralding a new breed of vampire.”

“This is hardly about you now is it?” Shadowheart shot back.

He grimaced. “Fine. I’ll travel to the Underdark at sundown tomorrow.”

“At this point it’s the least you could do.”

The room fell silent. Unable to retort, his wit replaced with worry, he stewed. Astarion knew he had done many terrible things in his life, and even more in his death, but he feared this might have been the worst.

A few hours passed of little note. Unmoving, his mind raced, and a cup of untouched water stood equally still on the table before him, the subject of his steady gaze. With his flawless skin and rigid posture, he could have passed for a statue. Shadowheart had left to do something earlier, Astarion wasn’t really listening, his ears roaring with stolen blood. And so he was alone. With the cup. Fuck.

It clatters against the wall violently and Astarion’s chest heaves with effort, tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

A moment later, a sleep disturbed face peeks through the doorway.

“Astarion!” Tav gasped.

"I'm sorry, I woke you up. Gods. I just--" He struggled to find the words.

"Are you okay?"

“Am I okay? No, I'm not okay. I spent centuries being tortured by Cazador and the first good thing I have after getting out, of being free, I ruin it with this disgusting body of mine. I have countless victims, destroyed by this,” he spits, gesturing wildly at himself, “and yet I couldn’t be done, could I? I had to claim just one more. So no, Tav, I have to say, I am not fucking okay.”

Tav’s face paled as they swallowed visibly. “I’m not a prop."

“What?” Astarion asked incredulously.

“I said I’m not a prop, Astarion.” He put his hands on his hips, the way he did before he was about to make a point. “You didn’t do anything to me, we had sex together, and I’m not destroyed just because I have a piece of you inside of me. I don’t want you to think of me like that. I’m better than that. You’re better than that.” He gripped Astarion's forearms. “Do you understand? I don’t know what any of this means for me, for us, and I’m not going to lie to you, I am terrified. But I need you to be terrified with me, not terrified for me, and that requires us to be on the same page with this. We fucked up, we’re scared, and we’ll figure it out. Together. As equally responsible participants. Okay?”

“I just feel like I should have known.”

“As should I.”

His tears fell over. “I am scared.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know.”

“What now?”

“We wait for Shadowheart to get back to us with more information. We know nothing, we’re just guessing based on our worst fears. When we know, we’ll know.”

“That’s incredibly unhelpful.”

“... I know.”

“What if--”

The door creaked open and Shadowheart stood in the doorframe, surveying the scene with an icy stare, something rectangular in her hands.

“You washed my walls. How kind of you both.”

“Sorry, Shadowheart.” Tav said, letting his hands drop.

“Gale got back to us,” she waved the rectangle at them.

Astarion spluttered, “It was Gale you wrote to?!”

“Yes. If you want information, who better to ask than the former wizarding prodigy without a social life to speak of?”

“Oh Gods, everyone’s going to know,” Tav moaned, rubbing his brow.

“Gale doesn’t shut up when you get him going, but he does know I can hurt him very, very badly. Excellent motivator, don’t you think?”

“What did he say?” Astarion asked reluctantly.

“See for yourself.” She handed the rectangle to Tav, which he could now make out was a loose letter tied to a dusty mauve tome.

He took it, opening the letter with shaking hands. He felt Astarion immediately press against his back, reading over his shoulder.

This should do it Shadowheart, will write you properly soon.

Dearest Tav and Astarion --

I believe some congratulations are in order! It’s no easy task to prepare for a new member of the family, but even more so with the kind you have cooking away. Should you find yourselves in need of a break, please remember Uncle Gale in his Waterdeep tower.

The good news is that the children of vampires -- known as dhampirs -- can lead a perfectly normal life. They can sustain themselves both on blood and regular food, they possess strange talents such as walking across vertical surfaces, and their physical appearances are as varied as any humanoid race, although it is likely they’ll possess some vampiric qualities--, i.e, elongated canines, red, or glowing eyes, ashen skin, the like -- but hardly the monsters their vampire parents are portrayed to be -- no offence Astarion.

I’ve sent along a tome I possess on the matter, please do take good care of it. I’ve bookmarked the relevant pages. From what I’ve read, there is no cause for alarm, although the (fascinating!) gestation period may not be as expected dear friends, so please pay close attention to Chapter 18, section 3. The bad news is that there’s no training guide on how to look after these children. You have a big challenge ahead of you both! But I’m sure between the two of you, as wonderful as you are for each other, you will figure out, like any parents, how to move forward with your new little family unit.

Please visit sometime, it would be wonderful to see you both, and I am unfortunately currently unable to disrupt my teaching schedule to make the trip to Baldur’s Gate. Perhaps with a little one on the way, one of you will accept my offer to introduce you to that fine Waterhavdian jeweller that I’ve mentioned previously?

P.S. Gale makes a fine middle name, don’t you think?

Yours Faithfully,

Prof. Gale Dekarios

“Wait a moment,” Astarion said, “Does this mean--?”

Tav whipped around to face him, eyes wide, grasping the letter like a lifeline, “We’re okay?”

“We’re okay.”

“We’re okay!”

He launched at Astarion, arms curling around the back of his neck, and he caught his waist, hauling him up into a hug.

“I can’t believe it,” Tav gasped as Astarion let him down, still in a close embrace. “We--! Oh. We have a lot to talk about. Do we want a baby?”

Astarion spluttered. “I--”

“I mean, babies are big responsibilities. And we’re hardly the most stable people in the world.” He gripped his own head. “The amount of weapons we have at home. We’d need to babyproof the blades. Can you babyproof a mace?”

“We’d need to get jobs. Real jobs, I mean. We couldn’t be on the move all the time.”

“And the cost. Babies are expensive little creatures. And the time. They need so much attention.”

“Exactly. It’s a horrible idea.”

“Terrible. We wouldn’t be able to cope. We should definitely do the responsible thing here and get rid of them.”

“Right.”

“We’re in agreement. Take that for incompatible you horrible little cleric.” Astarion sneered.

“What?”

“I didn't have to help!”

The screams pierce the house, the walls shaking as two toddlers whirled around their legs like miniature steel watchers, destroying everything in their path.

“Aren’t they precious?” Petras cooed, looking after his blond-haired son who was currently smashing his tiny fists at the wall as he tried to remember how to walk up it.

“Our little darling, perhaps, but your little demon seems to have the brains of his father,” Astarion curled his lip.

As Astarion spoke, their daughter, a bright-eyed little girl, growing more beautiful with each passing day, shoved an ink pen up her nose. He shot her a withering glare, the toddler blissfully unaware of the social disaster she had just created for him. She was lucky he thought the world of her, or he might have pinned her to the ceiling, out of the way.

“Clearly,” Petras scoffed.

“Thanks again for your help Petras, we both appreciate it. We really have no idea what we’re doing here.” Tav spoke up.

Petras nodded, “It’s a bit macabre to put such a little one into a coffin, but it really is the best way to make sure they don’t start running across the ceilings at night, and our Eric had grown out of his months ago. Do you have that soothing salve recipe I gave you?”

“Yes! Thank you.”

“She’ll be getting her fangs in soon. They’ll push out the teeth that are already there and it’ll hurt, and not only that, but when they do grow in, they’re sharp, so you’ll need to get her some caps until you can teach her to keep them out of the way. It’s not pretty, but she’ll be okay.”

“Daddy!” a little voice yelled insistently, and three heads snapped round. Their little girl ran to Astarion, “Stuck.” She pointed to her nose, the black pen protruding from the nostril.

“Oh for the love of--” Astarion hooked under her arms to pull her up onto his hip. “Okay, let’s see. Tilt your head back. Okay. One, two, three.” He pulled the pen, grimacing at the disgusting thing -- and the pen was pretty gross too. “Don’t put anything up your nose. Please?”

“Down!” She demanded.

“Darling.”

“Dooooown!!!”

He let the wriggling toddler out of his arms, placing the pen gingerly off to the side as Petras suppressed a laugh.

“I must say, fatherhood suits you Astarion.”

“Shut up,” he growled.

“Anyway, I need to go, sunrise soon. We’re teaching Eric to be diurnal, but he still seems to prefer the night. I don’t mind it, means I can spend more time with him.”

“That we can agree on,” Astarion said. “I miss her during the day.”

Tav pulled his arm through his comfortingly. “I told you we’ll figure it out.”

“I know.”

“If you do find anything out about that cure thing, send word yeah? I know a couple hundred people that’d want to get their hands on that.”

“Naturally.”

“Right. Eric!” He called, and Eric’s small eyes went wide as he heard his dad speak the dreaded words, “Time to go.”

Blink. Blink. Havoc. Screaming. A sharp nip into the meat of Petras’s arm. (‘Where are your teething caps?!')

Finally, they were alone, standing in a loose embrace as they watched their daughter roam the living room with the rapt attention of a dedicated jungle explorer.

“Why did it have to be Petras?” Astarion moaned flatly.

“We should be grateful. He does all the hard work and we steal the results. Too bad he’s an idiot.”

Astarion snorts, pressing his cheek on top of Tav’s head.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 fic #bg3 tav #astarion #astarion/tav #trans male tav #pregnancy #my fic

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pridepurgatorium · 10 months

Text

— What Does It Mean To Be Family?

@ombrotherlylove2023 , Belphie & Lucifer (and all the brother

Day 7: Free day and Sick

Trans Belphie is canon to me.

Belphie wasn’t the nicest of his brothers. He didn’t really do much or voice his opinions much anyways but he was snippy, and when he had an opinion he did not concede. It didn’t help that he was the youngest either, he almost always got what he wanted but in the process, he never really learned how to regulate his emotions or how to cope with his thoughts.

When he finally decided to transition, he wanted to be steadfast, he had wished for it to just be like a switch, Bam! You’re a boy now! You’ve always been a boy! (which he had been, but this was the first time the world would see him like that) Everyone will see you as a boy!

But it wasn’t.

Sometimes it was other people’s mistakes, when they called him by the wrong pronouns. They were adjusting, sure, and it was really once in a blue moon that they did but it still took him back. Sometimes it was his cursed body reminding him of things he’d rather forget. But sometimes it was nothing at all. Sometimes he looked exactly the way he wanted and felt like that was truly him and it still wasn’t enough.

It was on those days that he simply knocked on his eldest brother’s door and just sat with him.

The eldest was certainly not his favorite brother, but he was the most sensible of his brothers. Lucifer had practically raised him. Sometimes they’d talk and sometimes they’d play games, for some stupid reason Lucifer always knew what to do for him.

But there were times when Lucifer knew what Belphie needed but didn’t know if he should be the one to do it. Would Belphie want to be hugged by him? Would it even mean anything?

Belphie left soon after, before he could make a decision but it weighed on Lucifer’s mind.

Maybe his brothers (who all came in to ask for favors turn in their council work) sensed his conflict because they probed him for his troubles.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Mammon asked.

“I think Belphie needs a hug but I don’t think I should be the one to give it to him.'' Lucifer replied.

Mammon was way more clever than he’d ever let on, he whispered an idea to Lucifer.

And so there they all were, trying to crowd in the hallway outside Belphie’s door waiting for him to come out.

And finally finally when he comes out that’s when they pounce. All of his brother trying to hug him (although their mostly just hugging the brother closest to them).

They may not get along most of the time, but at the end of the day, there’s no sacrifice big enough for them not to take. And maybe that’s what it means to truly be family.

Hello! That concludes my ombrotherlylove 2023 fics, I have some WIPs and someone requested something from me (day=made), I’ll probably be a bit inactive with actually writing works because I don’t have any backlog of works anymore and I actually have to out paper to pen (wtf writing). See you soon (hopefully)!!

#ombrotherlylove2023 #obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #lucifer obey me #obey me lucifer #omswd lucifer #lucifer fluff #obey me belphegor #trans rights #purgatory’s fanfics

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felix-lupin · 15 days

Note

Soul Being Trans is just extending the process of soul finding himself out to this metaphor that's clearer and more.. tangible, i think. cause you can track these things - the first idea of soul being trans, soul letting himself be trans, pronouns, transition.... (for trans people obviously) i think "being reluctant to be yourself (trans)" is a bit of an easier idea to understand than being reluctant to be yourself for soul reasons: aka to feel as if all you are is someone else's right. idk. that's not something i've really felt before and i would think most people haven't felt it either. however, with soul being trans, obviously if you're trans it's easier to understand, cause being trans comes with a bunch of shared common experiences you can draw from, like the stage of obvious denial/being an "egg" ("i just think having a dick would be more convenient"/"i'd totally be a girl if i could be but that's impossible hahaaa"/go look at egg_irl RIGHT NOW). yet they're so visceral and specific. just like.

being trans is change. it's finding who you truly are. and i'd bet money the majority of trans people never really felt like themselves or that their body was their own until transitioning. no matter if soul is trans or not, there's a kind of transition he has to do of finding himself and figuring out who he is beyond the static and whole and the role he took. beyond the name atlas. being trans just makes it more literal. if soul is trans you can use the trans markers as easy signs of him getting better, easy milestones.

i like thinking of soul as a sentimental person, a la "do you know god?". even beyond that, names are always sentimental. they're supposed to be the culmination of You. the ultimate label. what everyone calls you, at the barest. not having a name can be seen as dehumanization. (sorry "do you know god?" was just all my name feelings but soul saying them so i'm gonna repeat a bunch of that here.) do you give every plant a name? every crack in the sidewalk? no. it marks something as important. these combine to make soul not really having a name just a reflection of how he doesn't really feel like a person. thus, him with a name would be the rejection of that. it would be him saying "yes, i am important. yes, i am real." it would be triumphant. this evokes being trans, or rather being trans evokes this. giving yourself a name, as in marking yourself a new person. refreshed. this is who i am now, and you can't fight that. not as in completely separate but as in a new state...

it's obvious to make soul trans it just pairs SO WELL

Yes!!! Soul being trans just Works. It is very good.

A name is something that marks something as important, a name almost humanizes or person-izes something, it is one of the first steps to Knowing something or someone beyond just a surface level. In this way, names are also something that gives a word to one's- self, almost. And thus changing one's name, or deciding to, is symbolic of reclaiming that self and deciding to make it your own. So him giving himself a new name would show him deciding that he has a self separate from Whole to give a name to in the first place, and then claiming that for himself and giving a name to it. Marking that self as important, as something real that not only can, but should, be referred to.

And also in a way, being trans would be another thing that marks him as Different from Whole. It wouldn't be another thing or identity piece that he stole from Whole, like a lot of other things are. Whole isn't trans. So that is something that is solely Soul's; not Whole's, not something he stole from someone else or derived from someone else. Something that's just his.

In confronting being trans, Soul could either attempt to reject it (which would just. be a return to the status quo. refusal of the call. etc.) initially or eventually come to accept it. In accepting it, Soul would have to also confront and accept that he is his own entity, his own person, that everything he is isn't just Whole's. He would have to choose something for himself and come to terms with that.

and yeah, most people haven't felt the feeling that they can't be themselves because they are someone else's right, but a lot of people have felt like they couldnt be themselves because they were trans or for other reasons, like you said. Another thing about it (that I can personally relate to, although not necessarily with transness; i do know it can be a concept that is relatable to transness though) is experiencing something that just. completely upheaves and shatters your entire worldview.

It gives you a strong feeling of-- well, where do we go from here? Everything you had ever known was just destroyed, or a large portion of it. What do you do now? How do you remake your entire life without the framework you had previously existed around?

You have to make a new framework entirely. Sometimes you would try to fit things from the framework of your new life into the framework of the old one— but it would never quite fit. I think Soul would have something similar to that in accepting his transness and his own personhood.

His entire life up to this point has been framed around not being a person, being subservient, being a self-made sacrificial lamb, willing and eager for his own slaughter. Where would he go from there after that view of himself, and thus view on the entire world, is shattered? He would have to construct a new framework, which would be slow and painful and awkward. It wouldn't feel right at first. It would feel blasphemous, or like a lie, it would feel untrue and wrong. But it would stop feeling that way so much one day, and making a new framework for himself and the way he sees the world ultimately be worth it in the end. Learning to live as his own person, not just something of Whole, not just Whole's Soul, but his own.

Idk yeah I have Thoughts. It just pairs so well with Soul that it's impossible Not to have Thoughts about it.

#hello people in my phone #twig-gy #mm name things... this is why i reblogged the coraline post again lmfao #anyways #speaking of giving names to things that are important. do you think soul named the trident? bc it would be kinda messed up #if soul named the trident yet continued to deny himself a name. i think he named the trident #i derailed this a bit. this is fine i think #felixlupin.txt #ccccposting

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catchyhuh · 7 months

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Please please please hit us with the Gender Studies!!!!

YOU HAVE OPENED TJE FLOODGATES!!! LET’S GO GENDER actually sexuality too let’s hit ‘em both because i have my piece and need to speak it. less about their physical bodies, more about their Mindscape. do i sound insane? i will by the end of this i promise!

lupin: listen give me a week i will compile all the evidence i have that lupin is CANONICALLY bisexual. beyond that he’s… also probably polyamorous cuz. y’know. look around. this is one hell of an open relationship. i feel like out of all of them though he’s the only one that’d like. bring it up. state it proudly. his gender is fun because you know mp didn’t MEAN anything writing a ? next to GENDER on Lupin’s little govt file but. oh baby. there’s definitely some meshing of a man and a woman in there, simultaneously coexisting even if he’s in guy mode or whatever. but like. he would only really notice that if it was pointed out to him. y’know that tweet that says “i’m probably nonbinary but i have a job rn so i’m not really thinking about it too much rn” that’s Lupin the Third

jigen: yeah prepare to be shocked. that’s a gay man. that’s a homosexual. contrary to the jokes i don’t think he’s GAY and misogynistic because of it, i think he just has (lets be real somewhat understandable in his position) beef with fujiko specifically. but when you look at his other interactions with women, they’re either just basic decency for a fellow human being or largely apathetic. and that getting betrayed thing but lets be real again that’s happening regardless of if he’s truly in love with them or if it’s just an “i have eyes” aesthetic appreciation. the transmasc reading of jigen like clicks in my head and it’s hard to pinpoint why exactly? i guess it’s just because he’s got that like. completely self-assured guy vibe. he knows he’s a man and that’s how it is. he doesn’t give a shit!! which could be taken as a cis guy thing too but either way he’s very comfortable in his guyhood and that’s cool. there’s a confidence and comfortability in his man-ness that you only really get after a level of selfintrospection, if that makes sense. if jigen isn’t actually trans he must be cis+ or some shit but. i’m leaning towards the former

fujiko: where lupin puts a label on it, fujiko simply makes a coy little face and shrugs her shoulders. changes the answer a little each time she really thinks about it. bi, pan, unlabeled, questioning? she’s scratched off the last one at least. she’s pretty damn sure she’ll bang any sane consenting adult with enough money. but that does bring us to another thing that i haven’t brought up with anyone yet: i’m a firm believer in demiromantic fujiko. that’s what that’d be called right? the romantic version of demisexual? fujiko just cannot form a romantic attachment to anyone unless there are years, like YEARS of consistent, honest trust and understanding in there. it’s not even an option in her mind until she’s known someone 3 years minimum, and even then that’s only when it BECOMES a SUGGESTION. sexual attraction is easy, romantic attraction is a sidequest altogether. it’s not just a mental mindset thing it’s like. her chemical makeup dude. but veering back on course, she’s got the same solidity in gender that jigen has, just in the Pink direction, so the same general reading of “is she a trans woman or does she just Get it” hits for me

goemon: goemon really hasn’t thought about his sexuality too much. he sees it as more of a person by person basis rather than a potentially gender specific attraction? if he finds a woman attractive, he finds a woman attractive, if he finds a man attractive, he finds a man attractive, if he finds a person who is attractiDo you get the general gist here? at best i could say he has a slight skew towards women, but it doesn’t like ERASE the rest of the options here. goemon views gender similarly, almost like an outsider looking in. it’s not some deep psychological perspective where he’s like, intentionally distancing himself to best study it, it’s just that he doesn’t feel a huge need to label himself in that sense. a foot in the nonbinary door. any pronouns, any terms of address, it’s no biggie to goemon! i do think he’d be somewhat interested to hear others’ perspectives on it, but he knows who he is. the one with the kickass sword lmao

zenigata: this shit is hard uh damn. nothing would shock me with him in any sense. he could be anything, he could be gay (lots of people get married to women before realizing who they are later in life!) he could be bi or pan, he could just be really butch for all i know brother!! any reading is a whole new canvas for unsuccessfully repressed tension and internal sexual turmoil! as for gender, uh it’s kind of. the same sense? he could really be anything. maybe like, betwixt jigen with the “solid in the dudeness” sense and goemon in the “just checking off boxes” shit. like regardless of if he is a MAN man his masculinity is a choice (wild sentence to be saying about the guy drawn to look silly on purpose) and HE wouldn’t get it, like he wouldn’t just start spouting off all this shit if you asked, i mean you'd probably just hear a distant dial-up tone looking at the expression on his face if you asked him. but like. a well-informed third party would get it. i know i sound wild cuz this is literally a baby boomer but listen to me,

#if these seem overtly general and vague it's because they are! lupin alone has 30 mbti types because he's so different in every iteration!!!#and that's kind of how These go for me. i'd have to do MONTHS of work to actually break down that entire science of that. maybe one day but #NOT TODAY LMAOOO anyway enjoy. if you disagree i believe you and understand! peace out!#lupin #jigen #fujiko #goemon #zenigata #asks

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protecterfromafar · 2 years

Text

❥ Zhongli/Trans!Masc (Intersex) Non-binary Reader ❥

predating the archon wars, zhongli had adoration for all of the yakshas that protect liyue...but he had a particular attraction to you

i.e, you are a yaksha who serves rex lapis in more ways than one

❥ 18 + only | rated e | explicit sexual content

❥ non-human genitalia, double penetration, size difference

❥ read on ao3

❥ a special birthday gift for my best friend

It’s a yaksha’s duty to serve Rex Lapis, Morax, as per the contract you have signed. Protecting Liyue was your mission, to banish evil from the face of Teyvat should they encroach on the country Rex Lapis so lovingly created.

Yet serve, you so thought, was up to interpretation. Rex Lapis insisted it wasn’t necessary, but your lord deserved to relieve himself. Even a god deserved passion, you believed.

And if Rex Lapis craved physical touch behind his carefully constructed façade of disinterest, and desired what you could offer…it would be foolish to deny him such small wishes. You were not human, after all, you could handle him more so than any dutiful citizen who offered themselves to their archon.

“Are you not tired?”

“Not at all.” You stood proudly, trying not to let the sensation of his hand sliding across your back and landing on your hip startle you. “I never tire of protecting what is yours, Rex Lapis.”

“Please.” His voice was soft and tender in the early night. “I come to you not as your god. So…when you offer yourself to me…call me…Zhongli.”

You nodded slowly. “I understand, Zhongli. ”

He smiled then, a rare sight indeed, that you soaked in as long as it lasted. “I look forward to hearing you call me by that name.” He turned to you, pulling you gently by the hip so you would face him. “Your voice would put such a pleasant ring to it.”

You flushed and nearly called out his name, but his other hand tipped your chin upwards and sealed your lips with a kiss. On instinct, you pressed against him, your hands reaching up towards shoulder blades, your height not allowing you to reach any further.

Your post was rather isolated from human settlements. It was a quiet gateway for creatures of all kinds to slither in secretly to stir trouble in Liyue. With Zhongli here, you had no worries of anyone or anything sneaking by, even lost in the throes of pleasure. But no surrounding activity besides monsters meant…no one but Zhongli would hear you cry.

Only when your lips finally part do you call to your archon. “Zhongli…”

“Beautiful…” Zhongli hummed, helping you shrug off your layers in the cool evening. His warm hands, throbbing with Geo energy, were gentle against your bare skin, traveling down your arms, your chest, your hips which his hands nearly encircled the entirety of your body.

As a yaksha, you have chosen your human form at will. Though you struggled with your identity for hundreds of years, you’ve finally started to become comfortable with what you’ve imagined yourself to truly be…though, were it not for Zhongli adoring you with his touch and his tongue, maybe you wouldn’t feel as happy as you do now.

“Zhongli…” You whined softly as he propped you up on a simple wooden table, a place you often sat to watch over the beautiful view of the marsh and faint glow from the newly formed harbor. Now you sit upon it, bare as ever, parting your legs for your archon to worship a yaksha.

“What do these scars symbolize again?” Zhongli asked, tracing his fingers against your nipples before settling along the lines under them.

“Mm.” You nod softly. “Humans often have scars from meaningful moments in their lives, some good, some bad. Mine are akin to a tattoo, however. It’s a reminder of who I once was, and a marker for her death.”

Zhongli hummed, enjoying your tale as he pressed his lips to the marks. It was a moment of paying his respects, for the death of a former self meant he could enjoy you in the present. “I truly adore the version of you that presents themselves before me. You have etched your memories on your body instead of stone; a bittersweet tale.”

“Zhongli…” His fondness was endearing.

“Dear yaksha, you are so intriguing, so beautiful…” Zhongli spoke softly against your skin, trailing light kisses down the expanse of your stomach, pausing at your hip just to kneel before you, a position few gods ever put themselves in.

But as he did so, his face was now even with your most intimate self, displayed for him to do with as he pleased. Though it certainly wasn’t the first time you’d let Rex Lapis between your legs, it was never an easy concept to accept.

“Then…you do not keep this because you can’t let go of the past…” Zhongli asked as he pressed a finger to your slick hole, slipping past the thin cock draped lazily over your plush folds.

You whined softly, but obliged his curiosity. “As a yaksha…I can still partake in the miracle of childbirth. It…has no ties to my former self…but perhaps, one day, it will bring me more than just pleasure.”

“I see.” Zhongli sighed softly, merely caressing your pink lips in admiration. “I was worried you simply wanted to remain as a vessel of pleasuring me. I am…delighted to hear that is not the case.”

You shook your head. “But perhaps…it will be for you anyway.”

It was Zhongli’s turn to flush madly. “Oh…”

“I-if you so wish, daren.”

Zhongli kissed his way back up your body, settling at the softness in your stomach. He placed a gentle hand over it, lost in thought for a small while. “Perhaps…when the demons are vanquished, and Teyvat is in harmony…I wouldn’t mind feeling you swell here, knowing a life is growing inside. That sounds…like a beautiful idea.”

“Z-zhongli…no…Rex Lapis…my lord…it would be the greatest honor…”

“Mmm, quiet now.” Zhongli’s voice was soothing, yet it held a gentle common that left you speechless, shaking in wait for his touch. “For now, I want to be a little selfish and not share you with anyone…not even a child of our making.”

Perhaps his possessive nature only spurred you on further. Your cock twitched at his words. Dripping at the tip ever so slightly, leaking between your legs like an invitation. Zhongli slid back down to his knees and let his long tongue feast upon your offering.

“Divine…you are.” Zhongli whispered as he swallowed your cock with ease, your girth not thick enough to stretch his lips at all. His hot breath and tongue encompassed you entirely as you threw your head back in delight.

“Z-zhongli!” You cried as you felt his long fingers fondle your hole.

“Good, I love it when you sing like this.” He murmured against you, swirling your erection with his tongue while he spread you open with his thick fingers. If you were dripping before you were a waterfall now. Each stroke of his fingers in tandem with his lips tightening around your cock had you moaning to the mountains around you.

“T-too good…” You whined, rolling your hips against him, but you nearly cried when he pulled his fingers from your now drenched hole. “W-wait…m-more…”

“Don’t worry, little bird.” Zhongli chuckled, slipping a thumb back inside the plush velvet of your insides. “I would not torture you like this. Not yet.”

Now slick with your arousal, Zhongli prodded further down, nudging between your soft cheeks to press against the tightness of your backside. Using your own come as lube, he pressed both of his fingers inside your ass, stretching you wide and making you scream.

“Z-zhongli! O-oh!” You fell back against the table, your elbows breaking the fall as your writhing legs spread wide and rested on your archon’s shoulders. As he rubbed his fingers together, stroking both of your holes with delicate precision, he allowed you a glimpse into the future.

Never once had you taken both of Zhongli’s erections at once…but perhaps now…oh, you could take it. How your body would burn delighted you…though your mind nearly went blank as he lapped at your swelling cock, yet no more than the girth of two of Zhongli’s fingers.

“B-both…” You babbled…

“I’ve always wanted to try…” Zhongli murmured softly. “Will you allow me?”

You nodded fervently. “Give me the will of the Geo archon, please.”

Zhongli chuckled at your obedience, but he adored you nonetheless. So he would partake in any desire you wished, no matter your acceptance of his attraction and… desire.

“Slowly…one at a time.” Zhongli promised as he withdrew his fingers from you completely. He tried to apologize with kisses, suckling at the constant fluids dripping from your hole, peppering softly around your now pulsing back side, squeezing pitifully around nothing. Though, Zhongli would give it something to squeeze real soon.

He stood up then, discarding his robes in front of your bare, quivering body. You were floored by him every time as he revealed himself to you, one of many Zhongli showed himself to you.

As he slipped free from all of his clothing, you were entranced by the thick protrusions at his groin. You could feel pure Geo throbbing from them, aching for a release…and Zhongli had chosen you as his vessel.

Oh, to be filled with your archon’s lust…you would dutifully become a vessel for anything he wanted to pour into you.

“Zhongli…I desire you.”

“Little yaksha…” Zhongli almost purred, thrilled at your acceptance of him. He stood close, showing off just how much he could fill you. One of his cocks rested atop your stomach…were you human, you truly would not survive. But alas, nothing but ecstasy awaited you. “I desire you as well. No one could ever bring about such a sinful pleasure such as you do.”

He promised you one at a time, starting with your tight hole between your cheeks. Zhongli nudged himself against you, amazed at how it seemed to give just for him. You cried out, reaching to grab a hold of his arms as his thick cock penetrated your backside with ease. It burned, but the pleasure overpowered any sense of pain you could have felt.

“If Celestia could deem this wrong…” Zhongli groaned softly, enraptured by your tight muscle spreading for his girth. “Then they shall cast me down as an evil god.”

He filled you to the brim, yet he wasn’t nearly done. Zhongli treasured you wholeheartedly, sliding his arms so he could press your palms together.

“How is it, my love?”

“I feel so full. ” You moaned, threading your fingers together to squeeze his hands softly. “But I selfishly want more. ”

Zhongli hummed as he slid backwards slowly, just enough until he could angle his other cock against your slick entrance, coating his lip with your come. “I want you to be selfish. Accept me wholly, as I am…take whatever I can give, without expecting anything in return.”

“I would give my life for you.” You declared it easily. Your loyalty was always so certain and steadfast. “I would give my everything for you…”

Zhongli sighed. “You make such selfless confessions while I am mere inches from sheathing my arousal deep inside you.”

You flushed, wrapping your ankles around his waist. “Sheath yourself inside me, for I am a vessel for my loyalty, my unyielding devotion, my everlasting desire to give pleasure to my archon. If it in turn pleases me all the same…I hope you would allow it.”

“Have I never made it clear that I allow it and more?”

You gasped as he pressed forth a little, spreading your lips for his cock. “Perhaps…it is difficult to accept.”

“Accept it…accept that your archon wishes to pleasure you too.”

Oh…how could you?

But Zhongli did not give you ample time to answer. Instead, he slowly thrusted forwards, stretching both of your holes at once, filling every sinful crevice with his throbbing cocks, sheathing them inside you as you wished.

Something akin to Celestia greeted you, with your back arching as you moaned into the stars.

“Dear gods, you are squeezing so tightly around me.” Zhongli grunted as he lay flush with your hips, his balls almost pressing into the soft flesh of your ass cheeks at how tightly you were entangled. “Oh little bird, how am I to last when your insides feel like this?”

“Y-you’re so deep!” You could only moan and gasp for air at just how much your body was distorting for him to penetrate you. “M-my womb, my stomach…there is room for nothing besides you!”

“Good.” Zhongli hummed as he slid his hips back only to snap forward with fervor. “I would not allow anyone else to breach you as I do.”

His possessiveness only made you scream in delight. Your own cock could only bounce against you with each thrust, leaking madly as your insides were stretched beyond human limits. “ Daren… my lord… Zhongli!”

Zhongli moaned softly, pausing his movements while he was penetrating you fully. His hands caressed your waist and distended belly, feeling himself throb inside you. “So…utterly beautiful.” He spoke as soft as a warm sip of tea.

“Z-zhongli…”

“Don’t worry love, I will not withhold you from pleasure you so deserve.” One of his hands slipped down your torso, his fingers cradling your little cock and stroking the wet mess. “Come for me, darling.”

Though his hips had stopped moving, the sheer weight of his cocks penetrating you was pleasurable enough. But then as he stroked your sensitive shaft, it was as if your entire body was on fire. “A-ah!”

“Please, little yaksha, grip me even tighter.” Zhongli grunted as he squeezed your cock even tighter, the friction of Geo driving you nearly mad. “I want to feel your orgasm all around me…to see your face ascend to Celestia…let me be greedy and soak it in.”

Tears streamed down your face as pleasure amplified all around you. Zhongli was everywhere, his freehand touching your skin, squeezing and teasing your nipples, sliding into your parted lips and pressing down on your tongue, all the while keeping both of his cocks snugly inside of your holes.

You cried, moaned, called out his name in desperation. He answered them all with praise and fervent touches. You fell limp as you felt a deep fire burning within you, stoked by Zhongli’s careful ministrations.

And then everything reached a peak and you felt yourself explode into dozens of stars.

Hot streams of cum poured from your sensitive head, coating your stomach and Zhongli’s hand. Your walls tightened even more, clamping around the thick protrusions filling your womb and belly that no human should be able to take.

What was more pleasurable, however, was blinking your eyes open to see your archon lost in pleasure of his own, moaning at how your climax brought him closer to joining you.

“Tighter, tighter…” Zhongli begged as he rubbed your belly. “Your pleasure…feels so good. ”

You cried softly, trying to tighten your muscles around him, though the sensations were starting to overstimulate your body. “F-fill me…”

Zhongli moaned at your words, perhaps his deep-seeded desire to pleasure you taking over his emotions. He squeezed your little waist tightly, pushing himself into you as much as he could as his own orgasm took a hold of him.

Rex Lapis, your archon, Zhongli , your lover…

You watched him lose control of himself, Geo energy brimming all around him as he came. It was thick and burning your insides, but you didn’t want him to stop. “H-hot…so much…”

Your belly distended even more, for Zhongli’s seed was rather copious and intense. Surely you’d be swollen for a while, even with your accelerated healing. But seeing the look of Zhongli’s face was more than worth it.

“My lord…”

“Dear yaksha…” Zhongli groaned softly, the lustful haze dissipating from his golden eyes. Slowly, he shifted back to ease his softening cocks from you. The loss was bittersweet, leaving a trail of seed in their wake. Zhongli held still, though, just the heads barely sheathed inside you. You also felt that he didn’t want to leave your body just yet. “You look so stunning like this…”

More tears slipped down your cheeks as you rubbed your swollen stomach and pitiful cock still weeping tiny white droplets. “To receive your desire like this…is an honor.”

“Thus I wish I could indulge in your loyalty with each passing moment.”

“My lord!”

Zhongli chuckled. “You are precious to me, little bird. I want to keep you forever.”

“I am yours, forever. Always have been…always will be.”

Zhongli slipped completely free of you then, a moist pop of your insides clenching around nothing. You whined softly, wincing at the loss of him. One of your hands slipped between your legs, trembling as they slipped inside of you to feel your gaping and leaking walls.

Your love-making was not a dream.

Leaning over you and the table, Zhongli gently cradled the back of your head with one hand, pressing his torso lightly across your skin. “May I take you to my abode for a short while?”

Your cheeks turned bright red. “F-for more?”

“Well…” Zhongli chuckled. “If you so wish. But I had an idea in mind…” He said before tasting your lips softly. “I want to take pleasure in cleaning your body thoroughly…”

“O-oh…” You felt emboldened to lean up and kiss him in return for the sweet gesture. “Anything my lord desires.”

In a swirl of time and space, you were suddenly thrust into a void existing outside of Teyvat, far from any lurking gazes. The warm, candle-lit space around you was not new to you…it was Rex Lapis’s personal abode.

But instead of the luxurious bed that you have spent many a night in, Zhongli carried your weakened body to a newly created room, a luscious natural stone bath filled with bright osmanthus petals and ginkgo leaves.

“Zhongli…”

He sat you on the ledge, under a gentle waterfall that streamed warm water down your back. You moaned softly at how rejuvenating it felt, as if strength was surging back to you.

“Open your legs a little.” Zhongli asked so quietly, sitting in the bath on his knees before you. Any other time, your positions would be flipped…but to have your archon on his knees before you…

“My lord…Zhongli…this…”

“Pay it no mind.” Zhongli replied calmly as he moved between your outstretched legs to lap at the mess still dotting your skin. “Let me worship you for once. Close your eyes…and simply feel me.”

To have your lord submit to you was such a foreign concept…but you felt immensely treasured by Zhongli himself. You gripped the edge of the ledge as his comforting tongue took to your inner thighs, kissing and sucking streaks of your own cum that coated you.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you let your head fall back, neck exposed. “Zhongli…”

“Good bird.” Zhongli praised you, eliciting a tiny whine from your lips. Taking advantage of your submission, Zhongli sat up just enough to hold the back of your neck and suck delectable claiming marks on your skin.

You moaned lightly, wondering if Zhongli would be upset if you were to come and make a mess again. But you stopped wondering as Zhongli’s hand slipped down between your cheeks to finger your backside.

Except, however, each stroke of Zhongli’s fingers in your outstretched hole merely pulled his own seed from inside you, intent on cleaning you thoroughly. He dipped his hand into the bath water every so often, pressing back into you with a gentle warmth.

“ Daren!” You moaned as he stroked you with such loving care until he felt you were clean enough. But that only meant he would trail his fingers upwards into your slick cavern still riddled with the effects of his pleasure.

“I think I will take my time here.” Zhongli slid two fingers deep inside you with his mouth still on your neck. “Perhaps…I feel a bit possessive over you.” He admitted as he pressed against your womb, still full of his thick cum. “You’re so sticky…” He scissored you gently, groaning as you clenched around his fingers. “And oh so mine… ”

You moaned, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Y-yours!” You echoed as he stroked you deep, his thumb teasing the head of your cock. “Claim me as many times as you wish…coat me in your seed. Fill me with your desire…I will always be yours! I will wait for you for eons and eons to come. As long as I live…I am indebted to your gracious kindness in giving me purpose to my life. I was born to serve you…to love you.”

You could feel him falter, his fingers rubbing you more intensely. His breath stuttered against your neck, and you felt the tips of his fangs against your skin.

“Zhongli!”

“My little yaksha…” Zhongli moaned. “Forever, I will be yours, for you… are mine… ”

The pain of his fangs sinking into your neck blurred into pleasure. Rex Lapis was claiming you as his, a mark branded onto you until the day you perished. You cried out, clinging to him as another orgasm tore through your body like a storm. You writhed in the dragon lord’s touch, shaking with his fingers inside you, his teeth lodged into your skin, his love surrounding you completely.

You were smothered in everything that was Zhongli, Rex Lapis, and you wished to be buried in him.

As you gasped for much needed air, Zhongli retracted his teeth and slipped his even messier fingers from your insides. Your cock twitched as it dribbled cum, ruining Zhongli’s intent on cleaning you from his mess.

Zhongli pulled away from you just enough to let you watch him suck on his dripping fingers, swallowing your cum as if it was a delicacy. As if he couldn’t get enough, he leaned down between your legs to swallow and suck on the remaining mess, only spurred on by your whiny moans. Your thighs shook, for you were oh so sensitive…he was bringing you to the edge of pain and holding you there, never letting you spill over the threshold.

“Z-zhongli!” You felt like you were losing control of your body, hips stuttering into his waiting mouth to seek more of that blurred line between bliss and torment. “C-can’t…s-stop…”

“Don’t.” Zhongli whispered between your cum-filled lips, tonguing even more inside you.

How Zhongli made you come again was mind-melting. Your walls squeezed and dripped even more profusely, more fuel to Zhongli’s fire. You were the most treasured delicacy in all seven nations and he was too impatient to let it out of his sight.

He swallowed your cock, swirling his forked tongue around your thin girth. You cried out, arching into him in desperation. Waves of burning ache crashed over you, over and over again until you fell backwards and felt all power leave your body at once.

However, Zhongli’s instincts were instantaneous, holding your body before it hit the hard stone surface. Instead, he gingerly brought you into the warm bath to soothe your body and your soul.

Time was not as linear to adepti, even less so in an abode void of it. But as you slowly came to, you felt as if you had been asleep for a long while, the last thing in your mind being the excruciating pleasure of Zhongli’s love for you.

“Are you alright?” Zhongli asked, light steam rising up into the air. You tried to reach out to touch him, but he crossed the distance first and laid beside you in the ever warm bath.

“More than alright.” You whispered weakly. “Is this Celestia?”

“No…this is more magical than that wretched place.” Zhongli joked softly. “For I only feel blessed when you are in my presence.”

You whined softly, but he swallowed that noise with a gentle kiss, his tongue lightly prodding your lips until they parted.

Zhongli’s kiss was soothing, his tongue sweeping away the aches of your bones, the burning of your neck where he claimed you, the swelling in your stomach where he ravished you.

But you would not regret it… physically could not.

Why would you regret anything when it came to your lord, to Rex Lapis, to Zhongli?

You would not allow it, so you gingerly cupped his cheeks and kissed him within the magic of his abode, where time seemed to stretch forever.

#explict #genshin #genshin smut #genshin x reader #reader insert #x reader #reader #fanfic #fanfiction #transmasc #intersex #zhongli

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fulltransmetalgenderist · 1 year

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Hi! Will you stop taking T before you reach a point where you cannot be perceived as a butch lesbian anymore or is that not something that would be a problem for you ? Because when I think about it my dyke ass would be mortified to look just like your average grown straight man. And even when comparing it to my attraction to women (which doesn’t really include straight women anymore) I would understand them all not being into me because I’d look too much like what they aren’t into, so there’s a balance here to find. But maybe that’s not the case for you?

i’m going to assume that this is asked in good faith, so let’s engage - because I feel like this is some rich queer theory to dive into

first off: it’s not just transmasc lesbians that struggle with the straight man dysphoria (yes, anon, that’s what you’re describing, dysphoria: an unhappiness with society and one’s perceived place within it). i’m sure you can imagine that tma lesbians must particularly struggle with this - and perhaps a way to ease that dysphoria a little for the trans dykes in your life is to refrain from admitting your disgust at the idea of looking like a huge percentage of the world’s population. and instead remember that straight men have the capacity to love and uplift women just as lesbians have the capacity to hurt the women in their lives. perhaps it would be easier to then recognize straight men as potential collaborators in the fight for women’s liberation.

And it’s not the end of the world to be mistaken for a straight guy. no one can take my dyke card away, I know who I am and where I’m coming from. And hey, I think I would rather be mistaken for a random straight man than be mistaken for Ellen, and I would rather be mistaken for a random cis guy than Buck Angel. Every identity group has their annoying fucks no one can stand.

So to address your question anon - will I stop taking hormones? the answer is I don’t know! So much of the anti trans rhetoric right now revolves around the “irreversible” changes of HRT and the “regret” that may follow. I worry that we, as trans queers, have taken some of that propaganda to heart; I sense this fear amongst other trans people that our future selves may rue and lament the ways we build our bodies today. What if I want to detransition later and hate myself for what i’ve done/become? And I’m all for being cautious and making sure you truly want something before diving head first - but I want trans people to extend grace towards themselves, to practice loving ourselves in the here and now and not worry what a future version of ourselves may want. Regret is an unavoidable emotion in life, it’s okay to feel regret, I know that if I end up one day regretting taking testosterone I will survive.

So for now I have no plans on stopping testosterone. I don’t have any benchmarks I want to hit before I know it’s time to stop or anything. I’m just going to keep taking T for as long as it feels good to do so. That may be for as long as I live, that may be until next month - I have no idea. I know that no matter what, I am a working class queer latino butch anarchist. I am very secure in that identity and I don’t need anyone to validate it for me—i’m living it every day.

and as far as attracting other lesbians - i’m mainly t4t so it’s not much of a problem, other trans people get it, and we’re all horny for each other. and there’s definitely no shortage of queer cis women who are into me (albeit a little fetishistically). really who i’m struggling with is the femboys! let me take care of you and buy you cute lingerie PLEASE I swear i’m butch enough 😫

#ftmgenderistasks #i’m sorry i’m so long winded #i am just filled with so many queer thots

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lemonlimebitcoin · 9 months

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49, 57, 67, 85, and 100

49. One character you didn’t like at first, but like now? Equius! I think he's a great example of the kind of people that a culture like Alternia's creates, and through him and Nepeta's shared reliance on preexisting cultural structure we get a very good sense of the ways that the caste system fails to truly benefit even the highbloods as much as it benefits the structure itself.

The way the two of them illustrate both primary cultural forces of the planet (the hemospectrum and the quadrants) by processing interaction through those lenses is really well done and I think accurate to the kind of things young people look to to feel valuable and bespoke.

57. The Felt or The Midnight Crew? The midnight crew! I inexplicably find the felt rather nasty. Like I don't like the way they're shaded and I don't want to touch their bodies. Sorry if you like the felt, this isn't me saying they're bad I just get yacked out by them for an unknown reason.

67. Have you read SBAHJ? Do you like it? Yeah I like it a lot! It kind of bums me out that its intent pre-homestuck was more targeted as a mean-spirited gamer comic parody, but it doesn't ruin it for me. I honestly think the irreverent (and often offensive or inconsiderate) ideas in SBaHJ really help to characterize Dave and the online spaces that inspired his voice. Having a preteen channer/somethingawful poster with a penchant to parrot edgy shit for shock value confront meaninglessness in the face of the end of the world is pretty compelling, and the way SBaHJ persists in some form into the later parts of the comic highlights that dissonance pretty well imho.

also i HAVE the car

85. Favorite Homestuck soundtrack? Like whole album? My favorite songs are all spread around, but I think the strongest album in its entirety might be Alterniabound? The trolls all have really wonderful themes.

100. One popular HS opinion you agree with? June Egbert! I guess the "opinion" there is that John would be happier if he transitioned.

Obviously John is kind of lost in an infinite adulthood without narrative structure to provide identity and meaning - and while I don't think transitioning alone could help him overcome that, I do think he would benefit from the more nuanced tools for engaging with tropes/social performance/identity that come with being an adult trans person. I also think the vulnerability of that choice would enable a more intimate relationship with his friends than he's been able to have for a long while.

That's just my read of the character, though. I think there are other ways to interpret his feelings at the end of Homestuck proper.

#ask #long post #ask game #anonymous #june egbert

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featheredadora · 1 year

Text

Crows!!

Some thoughts on my first week back outside (and disability, gender stuff, etc) under the cut (tw ed mention):

I mean firstly, I'm really happy! It's been so cool to see the birds and the trees and the river! Everything is so real and alive and I feel so lucky to be a part of it.

But I have also felt very aware of the physical limitations of my body, and I feel a bit like I'm having to learn to accept my disabled body all over again. I keep thinking 'I'm gonna walk 8 miles a day easy just like before!' and then being forcibly reminded that my body can't manage that anymore. I guess because I'm using the exact same shoulder bag as when I was a kid, and wearing the exact same clothes as when I was a kid, I kind of subconsciously think 'hey, this should be just like when I was a kid'. But I'm disabled now, and I need to learn how to better accept this body and what it can and can't do. My body deserves for me to treat it kindly!

On another note, however, I am happy to notice how different my thinking is, compared to how I was before. For the first time in my life, I'm able to be outside and around people and not be completely terrified about them perceiving my body. In fact, I am able to walk down the street and not think about my body at all. Anorexia consumed everything for me from age 6 to 20, and now I don't feel consumed. I feel like I can breathe. It is so freeing to be able to see myself as just some guy. I feel like I'm looking out at the world, rather than constantly looking in at my body through an imagined lens of what other people "must see".

I've also been pleasantly surprised to see how at peace with gender stuff I am at the moment. This week has been my first time outside since I came out as a trans guy. It took me a long time to come out as trans, partly because I felt like "i'll never pass, because I don't want to look super 'masculine', so what's the point?". So I expected, now that I'm being seen by people, that I would be worried about passing. But I'm just…not? I feel so at peace with who I am as a guy, and I am truly not even thinking about it all. If people read me as female? No biggy, people make mistakes all the time. And that's what it would be: just a mistake. Someone seeing my hair and frame and mistaking me for a woman doesn't make me a woman, it just means they made a little mistake. And that's fine by me, we all make mistakes!

So all in all, my week has been very physically exhausting, but very mentally at peace. Moreover, being able to go outside means I can visit my nan a lot, which is so important to me. That's what had been spurring me on over the past year while I've been trying to recover - the hope of making her life a little bit better. I really hope I can do that, and I'm so thankful for the opportunity.

#birblr #birbs #crows #text #long post #congrats to anyone who actually reads this #It was more that I wanted to remember my thoughts after this first week

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theaviskullguy · 1 year

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so about your transfem mask hc?

OKAY OKAY SO

TW for transphobia btw

ill be using he/him for pre-egg mask and she/her for. yknow. transfem mask

He grew up in a rather... bad, environment. Mask's mom and dad just fled from a cult but still had some of their teachings as second nature. Mask didn't blame them.

When Mask turned 10, he started to feel... off. beyond just his lung condition. He didn't feel like how other boys would at that age. Not in a "not getting crushes on girls" way. He still did, but it always felt more like "she's so pretty i wanna look like her" but Mask just thought every boy had that feeling. It was only solidified when he met Metry in middle school, who shared those feelings (even if metry was also not aware of her being trans)

Eventually Mask graduated middle school and moved out of his parent's house and into his friend/neighbor's house. Said friend is Aloha- who Mask knew for most of his life as Alice, a spunky Tomboy who's own egg recently cracked and he came out as a trans man. When Mask asked him about it, Aloha replied with "I just never truly felt at home in a girl's body. I always envied boys for looking how they do, anyways."

And that. cracked Mask's egg. From that moment forward she knew she was trans herself. However, she knew she couldn't just... come out. As accepting as Inkopolis was, it was still kinda cold towards trans people.

So, Mask kept herself in the closet. She formed a turf team as boy mask and studied programming and hacking in high school and did a side job as a programmer under the name Malfina. Online, without a face, was the only way Mask felt like she could be herself.

Eventually, she reached S+ and joined the S4, along with Aloha, Army, and Skull. They were shot into the public eye and Mask's secret identity as Malfina was outted. She was bombarded with questions about why her online persona was a girl and Mask's response was "to try and further hide my identity I guess"

It didn't help that around this time, Gloves came out as enby and was bullied back into the closet. So Mask was EXTRA worried about coming out.

She was diagnosed with depression from a young age and it seemed to be getting worse. It manifested with her hatred of smiling people- even if it was actually an envy for them being able to live their lives

However, people started coming out. Army was outed as an enby transmasc, and in solidarity, Aloha came out as trans. So did... well, a lot of people. Goggles, Rider, and Gloves even came out of the closet themselves for the second time.

But they were all very... different. All were post or mid transition. Mask wasn't. But she still felt like she needed to do something to prevent her depression from spiraling any more.

So, she came out as Genderfluid. People were confused but receptive. Mask's plan was to ease into presenting as a girl full-time. She set-up a different programming alias- Persephone- to continue her work and if she was outed as Persephone again, well, she could say it'd be easier to have one set of pronouns in her bios than have to explain genderfluiditiy to old people who need help recovering files

But eventually even that took a toll on her mental health. She loved the freedom of being a girl that shoving herself into being a boy again hurt her more and more.

So.... one day she had enough. The S4 were all living together, so she told them. Individually. And... they were all accepting. Army hooked her up with his gender clinic to get started on hormones and a medical transition

And then she came out to the public. She posted and spoke publicly about it, and at the suggestion of Aloha changed her bios to "part time gamer, full time girl" or something like that.

And since then, Mask has been known as the emo girl of the S4.

#coroika #coroika mask #fave #galax writes

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freakshowtwopointoh · 3 months

Text

Good Kid - Cross The Line Part 8

I try to be a good kid, a good son

But no one ever will take my side, all I ever do is take the fall

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Jordan should have known that their dad would insist on coming with them to their suit fitting, but it was still infuriating. Being around their dad brought them right back to being a teenager, trapped in his house with his rules. Thankfully, now they have their own space, but it still isn’t truly theirs. They still have to follow his rules.

They followed behind their dad into the fitting room to get measured. Which, if they were honest, was always a painful experience. They could get through it for dance costumes, but this... was much worse. They could feel themselves slipping away, separating from their body as the assistant adjusted their limbs like a mannequin for a floor display. They were vaguely aware of their father’s constant droning voice, making inane small talk with the assistant about how his boy needed a good suit. That his cousin’s wedding was the perfect opportunity, that it’s a ‘father-son’ bonding experience to get a boy’s first real suit. They scoffed inwardly hearing their dad discuss bonding like a box to check instead of a moment to share.

Was it too much to ask to be taken seriously? Not as a dancer or a student or a superhero or a man, but as a person. An individual with thoughts and opinions and ideas about the future. Sometimes they felt like a collection of parts to play rather than a complete individual. Good son, attentive student, ambitious dancer, brave hero, confident lover... could they ever be themself? Did they even know who that was? For so long, who they were was directly defined by how they could measure up to their parents standards. Could they be the man their parents had imagined when they were born?

No. And they knew that. They’d known that since their dad first saw their female form. Like they were tainted . Like femininity was acidic, eating away at their masculinity. Like they couldn’t want both, have both, need both. Like the two couldn’t coexist within them.

But if they were really, truly honest with themself, they knew their dad had always been disappointed in them. It didn’t take them turning into a “girl” for their dad to realize they were different. Just like the kids at school. When they were younger, they would blame ballet - say that the other kids just didn’t understand why a boy would do ballet. But now, they know... it’s not that simple. It was the femininity that they sensed - a part of Jordan that they didn’t even know to feel bad about until it was too late. At that age, you don’t have words like femininity, masculinity, whatever. They just were . They liked what they liked, they were just... them. It wasn’t Jordan who was tainted - it was everyone else. Everyone who looked at a kid being a kid and saw something more, something wrong.

“Jordan! Are you even listening?” Their dad waved his hand in front of their face. “Thank the nice young man for his help.” They muttered a thanks to the assistant as they followed their dad back to his car. By the time they made it to the studio for their Saturday rehearsal, it felt like their skin was on fire. The fitting, their father, the constant pressure to deny themself... it was the closest they had ever come to skipping a rehearsal. But they didn’t want to have to answer any questions about their whereabouts so they forced themself to go.

They nearly fled the rehearsal room once it was over - they thought they might actually rip their skin off if they had to be in this body for one more second. It was this urgency that would make them forget to lock the door to their dressing room, nearly slamming the door before shifting and letting out a relieved laugh. They truly could not explain this feeling to anyone - it wasn’t because of their powers, no matter how many idiots would try to tell them. You’re not really trans, you’re a supe. Did they ever think that maybe they have these powers because they’re trans, not the other way around? That they were meant to have these powers because of who they were. They weren’t made by compound V. Compound V just lets them express themself more completely.

They took a deep breath, relishing the sensation of freedom. They started getting changed for their practice with Ella, not hearing the door creak open.

“Sorry! Uh... is J-” Ella’s hesitant voice broke into their reverie. Jordan spun around, shock turning to fury in a moment.

“What the fuck, freshie!” They snapped, slamming the door shut behind her as fast as they could.

Ella’s POV

After waiting in the studio for 15 minutes for Jordan, Ella decided to go find them. She’d been able to get the day off from work so they could spend extra time working through some of the more complex lifts. She didn’t even think to tell Jordan - they always seemed to be ready to go as soon as the group practices ended. She probably would have kept waiting if they hadn’t seemed so... distracted today. She slowly made her way towards their dressing room, listening to make sure they weren’t on the phone or hooking up or something.

She opened the door hesitantly, looking inside for Jordan. Instead, she was greeted by the back of a smaller girl with a short black bob. Ella didn’t realize someone’s back could be sexy. She turned around and Ella hid her eyes, but not fast enough to keep from seeing the girl’s small and perfect breasts, with brown nipples just begging to...

“Oh! So sorry! Uh, is J-” She was going to ask the girl where Jordan was. But then the girl was glaring at her, and then she was pinned to the wall.

“What the fuck, freshie!” She hissed, and then she started yelling about respecting boundaries, and threatening her with various forms of violence if she ever says anything...

And then she gets it. When she actually looks in the girl’s eyes, really looks at her, she sees it. It’s Jordan. And yeah, they’re pissed at her, fucking furious, clearly this is a secret, she should be terrified right now. Because they’re a supe and they’re clearly powerful. But the same desire that burns in her core when they dance together or when their eyes meet across the studio is still there, and she briefly considers kissing Jordan right there. It’s not the first time she’s imagined kissing Jordan but it’s the closest she’d ever come to actually doing it.

Jordan is still yelling threats at her when she stops them, their smaller body still easily pinning her against the wall. “Jordan!” She said loudly, snapping them out of their tirade. Then she pauses for a moment. “You’re beautiful.” She says softly, holding their gaze for a long moment. Maybe this one honest statement, this one kindness in the face of fury, could get through to them. And for a moment, she thinks Jordan might kiss her right there. But instead, they practically throw her out of the dressing room, grabbing her by the neck and shoving her out. She stood outside their dressing room, hands trembling, unable to get Jordan’s terror-filled eyes out of her mind.

She composes a thousand texts to Jordan. Apologies, questions, concerns... but nothing felt right. She obviously knew they were non-binary but they didn’t really talk about it. They seem so confident, so she just assumed they had it all figured out. But she had never seen them scared at all - and they were terrified. Most likely terrified that she would tell someone. It’s not like supes were banned here, obviously - Golden Boy is the leading boy of the past few performances. So... was it their parents who forced them to hide? Or did the company just get too weirded out by their powers?

It really was none of her business. She’ll just pretend it never happened and move on. I mean, that’s what Jordan had done when they went to the Crocus. She was just... paying them back. It had nothing to do with finally seeing past the brave front Jordan had up all the time. And it definitely didn’t have anything to do with the way that Jordan’s eyes made her heart flutter. No, this was just a professional courtesy. Which is totally why it was just a coincidence that both of Jordan’s forms featured in Ella’s dreams that night, and every night that week.

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au by @poppy-metal

edits by @barbieprincesshilton

#jordan li #gen v #gen v prime #gen v fic #jordan li x reader #angst #gen v smut #toxic!ballet jordan

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