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#i work hard to keep that vibe on my blog too!
seventeenytiny · 1 year
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♡ Sexual Themes I Feel Stray Kids Get Associated With ♡
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Authors Note: So I’ve read enough smut from other blogs all over Tumblr that I feel like I started to see certain themes with each member reoccurring on Tumblr. Maybe it’s just certain blogs that keep pumping out the same type of content and I just haven’t noticed it’s the same blog. Anyways, I still thought this would be a fun thing to do, let me know if you agree or disagree with me. I’d love to know what kinks other people on Tumblr associate with certain members. One last thing, kinda hate how I set this up but can’t really change it now. Sorry if some of the sections aren’t as detailed as others, not all these kinks are things I’m generally comfortable with writing. Not uncomfortable with them, but just not necessarily stuff I’m into lol.
Contains: Sexual Themes/Smut, Minors DNI, Each section has a kink in front of it, if you're not comfortable reading that kink just skip over that section :)
Smut Below the Cut
Bang Chan - Breeding Kink 
I’ve learned Tumblr in general is OBSESSED with breeding kinks but I’m pretty sure Chan has this topic come up in his stories the most. I think him giving off the biggest dad vibes of the group makes us associate him with this kink. Alright so just imagine him coming home to fuck you after a long day of work. He loves to take you from behind so he can watch his cock go in and out of you as your body reacts with each thrust. “Please babe just let me cum in you just this once,” he wines out. You were too fucked out for rational thoughts, “I need your cum, Chris, please fill me.” He grips your hips hard, thrusts growing sloppy after hearing your words, his high rapidly approaching. With a grunt, he releases into you, his warm cum coating your walls. After calming down from his orgasm, he pulls out slowly, trying to prevent any cum from spilling out. He uses his finger to push anything that threatens to spill out back in, he can’t let a single drop go to waste.
Lee Know - BDSM/Hard Dom 
Minho is rough in bed, or at least that’s what everyone thinks. After a particularly rough day at work, he comes home just to release his pent-up frustration on you. He stands in front of you, his eyes staring intensely into yours, silently asking for permission. Next thing you know he’s pulling you off the couch and dragging you to the bedroom, roughly pushing you to the bed. He wraps his hand around your throat, squeezing it gently to let you know he’s in charge tonight. If you even tried to be a brat for a second he would flip you over onto his lap and deliver a hard blow to your ass. He would rub it for a second, to help lessen the initial sting, before smacking it again and again until you apologize. He’d love having you a sobbing mess while you beg for his cock and forgiveness. He could never turn down his baby when you look and sound like that.
Changbin - Size Kink/Bulge Kink
Honestly never really thought about a size kink being a thing until I started reading it on Tumblr recently, but yeah Changbin definitely has it. While he knows he might not be the tallest, his muscles and cock make up for it. He’d have you laying on the bed, his tip teasing your entrance, “I know your pussy can fit my huge cock,” he’d say in a low voice. You push your hips forward in response, desperate to feel him stretch your tight pussy. He starts slow, just wetting his tip, the stretch from that alone has you crying out. “Fuck Changbin your so big.” He hovers over you as he pushes himself in deeper, you watch as his biceps flex by your face. Little moans leave your mouth as you welcome the pain and pleasure of having him stretch you. “Almost there baby, just a little bit more. I know you can take it.” Once fully inside, he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off that little budge he sees in your tummy with each thrust.
Hyunjin - Public Sex 
I love the idea of public sex, but Hyunjin and public sex? Chef’s kisses. Hyunjin will gladly fuck his partner whenever and wherever he wants. Some of the places he’s fucked you include a changing room, the hiking trail, the back of a train, oh and don’t forget the time the two of you got stuck in an elevator. You often find yourself wearing skirts and dresses, not because it’s necessarily your style, but because it makes this fun you two have so much easier. This time it was in the movie theater, he purchased the two of you those fancy vip seats your theater has, seats big enough to allow you to sit comfortably on his lap during the movie. You brought a blanket with you to the theater as well, most people would assume you did this because of how cold the theater always was but that's not why you have it. You sat on Hyunjin’s lap, settling the blanket on top before doing anything else. Slowly, he undoes his pants and pulls out his cock, he gave it a couple tugs before he lifts you up onto it. You did your best to not make any noise as you sink down onto him. The theater was for the most part empty, but there were still a couple people near the front of the theater. He slowly but sloppily thrusts into you, careful to not make any noise.
Han - Somnophlia/Freeuse 
Tumblr really thinks Jisung is just a super horny perv. Like when this boy wants you, he will have you no matter what. Don’t worry though, you guys have a system to let him know when you’re willing to have sex. You put on that one shirt that gives him the signal he needs before starting to doze off on the couch. Jisung comes home after a long day of practice and all he wants to do is sink his cock into your pussy and forget all about his worries. He looks at you on the couch, you're sleeping in nothing but your shirt and panties, bare legs exposed. He pulls his cock out before hovering over your sleeping form. He slides his cock between your thighs, slowly rutting his hips. Gentle moans slip past his lips, he keeps up a steady pace as he indulges in pleasure. His moans turn to high-pitched whines the closer he gets to his high, the sounds from his mouth cause you to start to stir. You wake up to see Jisung over your body, sweat on his brow and his lip red from biting it. His thrusts pick up as his orgasm takes over, warm sticky cum covering your thighs.
Felix - Cock Warming/Premature Cumming 
I probably read the most Felix smut, I couldn’t just pick one theme for him. With cockwarming, it’s always while he’s busy gaming. He’s deprived you of attention for too long, even after all your attempts to pull him away from the screen he just won’t budge. You couldn’t handle waiting any longer so you decided to help yourself. “Felix, keep playing your game, just trust me,” He nods in response, his eyes still glued to the screen. You reach out to rub his member through his pants, you can feel him grow hard rapidly. You try to tug with sweats down, he lifts his hips up to aid you in taking his pants off, getting desperate to feel more. You remove your sweatpants and panties before straddling his lap, careful to not block his view of the game. You sink down onto him, you can feel him tense up for a second before continuing his game. You sit on his cock happily for the next few minutes while he finishes several more rounds in his game, satisfied you can finally feel full. Felix eventually starts to grow desperate for more, quickly losing interest in his game. His hands move from his keyboard to your hips before he thrusts up into you. He takes in all the precious sounds that leave your mouth, enjoying everything just a little too much.  Unfortunately, he reaches his high a bit sooner than he’d like, your pussy just feels too damn good. Don’t worry though, he would never leave you unsatisfied.
Seungmin - Perv!Seungmin 
I feel like I’ve seen this theme with him quite a bit, I’ve seen it with Han as well but possibly just a smidge more with Seungmin. Tumblr Stays seem to like to make this man absolutely obsessed with you. Some things he does include following you around, gifting you teddy bears with hidden cameras, and stealing your panties. He’s not always a full perv though, he’s also your best friend that you’d trust with your life. What Seungmin doesn’t know is that you know exactly every little pervy thing he does, you only act like you don’t know what he’s doing. Knowing this, you sometimes like to tease him. Some things you do include changing while he’s around, asking for his opinion on which set of lingerie you should buy, and slowly grinding against him while you sit in his lap. Imagine sitting on his lap as you two watch a show together, his arms wrapped around your waist as he buries his face into your hair. He’d be doing his best to hold in his moans while you shift on his lap, trying not to give away how much he’s enjoying everything. There was honestly no point in him holding in his moans, it’s not like you couldn’t feel his rock-hard cock against your ass. After a bit too much teasing, he eventually cums into his pants, a whisper-like moan slips past his lips with his orgasm. You pretend you didn’t know what just happened as he suddenly pushes you off his lap, excusing himself to the restroom.
I.N - Loud Sex/Exhibitionism
Being the baby member, Jeongin feels like he’s got something to prove to everyone, he wants to show off how much of a man he has become. One of the ways he does that is by making you scream and moan so loud during sex that all of the members nearby can hear it. One night, you were invited for a movie night while a couple of the other boys were at the dorm. After the boys ruthlessly teased Jeongin for having a partner, he decided he had enough. He picks you up off the couch and carries you to his room, slamming the door behind him. He rips off your clothes before ravishing your body. He sucks on your neck, leaving perfect little bruises, hoping the members would get to see you marked up later. One of his hands travels down to draw little circles on your clit, his other grabs your breast and pinches your nipple. You tried to hold in your moans, but your whole body felt overstimulated with pleasure. Jeongin whispers in your ear, “Don’t hold back your moans baby girl, let’s let them know how good I can make you feel.”
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thatgirlie-diaries · 7 months
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Academic tips that work for me
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Hello girlies! This is a post that I have been delaying for like 2 weeks, but now it's time or me to post it. In this blog I will give you all the things I do to keep myself getting high grades and maintain the "intelligent" persona I have worked for since I started studying my college career and fortunately others see me this way now.
I do not study hevy or know a lot about studying methods, I am more into "smart work > hard work" kind of thing
My personal tips
This are my tips being an auditory person focused on being effortless
Understand your learning style: Are you visual? Auditory? Or kinesthetic? By knowing this you can apply studying methods that are efficient for you.
Pay attention to your classes!: I think the main reason I slay effortlessly my exams is because of this so I only need a quick study. You will be saving future time since your study sessions will be lighter because you will remember lots of the things.
Participate / Ask questions: It's easy, you will get points with your teachers as a great student, plus you will get your questions solved.
Put your on a place you can't see it so it doesn't distract you, for classes or when you need to study / get work done.
Study in a place when you feel comfortable, it can be at an cafe or at the library, even in your bedroom at a desk, what matters is that you feel comfortable and that you get the feel of "this is a place where I can study / do my assignments" and not feel lazy or uncomfortable by "x or y" reason. As a plus, keep your space clean and only with the necessary at sight.
Use music that doesn't distract you and you vibe with: Listen to music that doesn't have lyrics, but that's a basic by now. What I recommend you is to listen to music that you just vibe with to get your desired mood and motivation. In my case, I listen to videogame soundtracks since it makes me feel relaxed or to classical music because I fee like "that business girly", either way music helps me concentrate.
Romanticize your studies: This can mean different things to all of you reading this post, I am talking about making your academic journey fun and pleasing rather than streesing! Some ideas are having cute stationery, take cute notes, act like one of your fav academic characters, have study playlists, drinking coffee, go to the library or to cafes, dress cute for school, read, light candles, watch "study with me" videos and study vlogs, create a pinterest board, stablish academic goals, etc.
Do your homework when you have free time at school / college or do it as a first thing after your schedule, this will help you save time. Think about it, if you do it while having free time at school / college you don't need to do it at home. And if you need to do it at home, if done as the first thing, you will either way get so much free time and can focus on other tasks or activities freely.
Be organized: Have a bullet journal or use an app to keep track of your subjects and assignments. By this you will remember and keep in sight upcoming deadlines and events.
Take care of your academic relationships: I make sure that the people inside my circle of friends are girls (mainly, but boys too) who I feel comfortable, have fun with but also are similar to me in the sense that they take seriously her studies and are good teammates. Outside of them I also focus on other potential classmates that are intelligent and have similar values. There is no need to bother on the ones who don't attend classes, are irresponsable and don't even know what are they doing in the course.
Take care of yourself: Ask yourself? Will it be worth it while not sleeping enough, having a poor diet and exercise? By not letting yourself rest or have fun from time to time? By not practicing self-care? By not practicing any hobby or taking the time for your interests ? Please take care of yourself, girl, this is the lowest part of the pyramid. The reason to care is not only your wellbeing, but also because having a poor lifestyle can have bad effects for you that also affect your performance, and we won't like that.
Now go and slay your academic year / course! 𑄽𑄺ྀ
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faerievampling · 3 months
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hey! i just found your blog and just read all your stuff,,,, i’m in LOVE. you’re such a good writer!!!
saw that your requests were open and please ignore if this doesn’t vibe with you, but could i please request astarion (ascended or otherwise it doesn’t matter to me) headcanons (or whatever format that’s easiest for you) with a F!reader whose really insecure about her looks and body and her sexual inexperience? like she puts on a really tough front for the world, but when it comes to physical touch and intimacy she’s really nervous.
i’m so sorry if this is way too specific or weird or whatever literally ignore this. thank you so much and i hope you have a wonderful week my love <3
Hi thank you so much. I love doing these and i love this idea and IVE GOT YOU. I hope you enjoy ❤️‍🔥 disclaimer this is kinda just my stream of consciousness and what happened happened lol
Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader
warning: 18+! Explicit.
When you first met Astarion, his devastating beauty and intense flirtations intimidated you.
He was so gorgeous, and you thought yourself incredibly average, certainly not good looking enough to reasonably catch the eye of someone as beautiful as Astarion.
Not to mention—Astarion was so experienced, and you were just the opposite. You had very few sexual experiences, maybe even none at all. It only added to your insecurities about your looks and body.
You hid these feelings well, so much so that Astarion seemed non-the-wiser. He thought maybe you were just cold to him; so he worked even harder to warm you up.
Earning your trust and thus your body became a goal of Astarion’s, and he lavished all his attentions on you.
It irritated you, only because you couldn’t tell if he was being genuine with you. It hurt to think that he was just playing with you.
When Astarion finally sleeps with you, it was something you had both been waiting on, both been yearning for. Because of your cool demeanor and general reserved disposition, it takes you a while to finally trust Astarion. Of course, you had desperately wanted him since you first met him, but you had self control.
Astarion is slow to explore your body, which only adds to your vulnerability. He focuses on your breasts, your hips, all the little erogenous zones you didn’t even realize you had: your ear, the crook of your neck, the back of your knees, the space just above your tail bone on your lower back, even your toes, which he would massage one by one, despite how much it tickled you.
He focuses on making you feel exceptionally good the first night you’re with him, almost like he has something to prove. He’s never had to work this hard to fuck someone before. Poor Astarion! Don’t worry, he will get you back by using your body to pleasure himself. After the first night, you’ll surely be his forever, anyways.
After he’s done exploring the outside of your body, he focuses inward, using his fingers and tongue to explore your entrances. Astarion wants to know all of you. He is definitely the type to want to use all of your available holes if you’re ready and willing lol.
He will want to know the parts of you that have been unexplored by other lovers. This may even be a big deal to him.
But you’re shy, and you try to close your knees, try to cover your breasts or your belly, hiding yourself from him. But Astarion is so genuine in his attraction to you, and his hard cock will speak for itself most of the time.
Whatever imperfection you may have, I imagine Astarion to worship it, and he might even help you learn to love this part of you.
If you’ve told him about your insecurity, he’s very careful to help you overcome it and feel adored.
If you keep your insecurity from him, which I would imagine an aloof and bull-headed Tav to do, he quickly finds out from your first time together. As soon as he pressed his lips to yours, he can sense your hesitation, your walls going up as his hands find your waist.
You quiver beneath him, maybe you even pull away; but Astarion only brings you closer, chiding you for shying away from him.
“You are so beautiful, love, why would you ever shy away from me?”
Whether your a virgin or simply inexperienced, Astarion is very careful with your body: he cares for you, he wants you, and he will use his experienced digits and tongue in you, likely making you come even quicker than he had intended.
He’s endeared by it, humored by it, not laughing at you, per se, but with you. Your innocence cute to him. It just made him want to ravish you further, to see how else your sensitive body responds to him.
I think all versions of Astarion would be into corrupting you and teaching you how to please him, and even yourself.
Since the two of you have come to know each other fully in both body and soul, Astarion would love teaching you how to make yourself feel good. I love the idea of Astarion teaching his darling in the ways of pleasure.
Imagine, years after being with Astarion, the two of you are so happy and known. You would have forgotten what you were so worried about in the first place, because your vampire reminds you just how beautiful and fair you are each and every day.
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The Dollhouse Diaries
Real Life In Plastic Tip #6:
ෆTime Management for Neurodivergent Girly Girls and Boujie Hyperfemmesෆ
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This is the pretty girl era of having time management under control. The key is to learn how to live in the moment while also being discipline enough to move on to the next task as needed. I know that sentence was as daunting to read as it was for me to write ૮꒰ྀི⊃⸝ ⸝ ⸝⊂꒱ྀིა I guarantee I gotcha *Chaeyoung voice*
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First Things First: Go 1 Week At a Time!! (every 3 days if an entire 7 is too much or your schedule is unpredictable, like mine)
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Build a simple list of all the things you have to do and that you would like to do. Its much easier to get it all out on the table so you can donate more of your brain power to sorting things, rather than holding things.
Put all of the things listed on a calendar: Most important first things first! This means things like health appointments,work schedule, birthdays, holidays that you celebrate, classes, or anything that involves not only your time but other’s as well. Then after that put the elective things second; Nail appointments, shopping trips, dates with friends, etc. Lastly, put the things you would like to incorporate into your daily routine; We talking skincare, any hobbies you may have like drawing/painting/sculpting/reading/blogging, any form of exercise, etc.
Once the week or however much time you have scheduled out is done on your overall calendar, then its time for marrying it to your life.
Marrying your schedule: Planner apps, Physical Planner, Dry Erase Boards and Bullet Journals
Choosing your medium at keeping up with your schedule is very important. You may have to try them all before you get comfortable with something. I have tried them all and I’ve found that the main one that truly stuck with me was the app/website Notion. I like it because its fully customizable and you can use it at your own pace. Every week or every day may not be super eventful and so it drops the guilt and shameful feeling of not filling up pages every single day.
Here is what all I use and the way I use them:
Notion <3 I use it as my overall journal. I use the apps on my ipad/phone to check if I’m not home and I can use the website on my PC when I’m home and relaxing. I like it because its very versatile. Think of it as a digital journal combined with similar mechanics of tumblr. I use it for literally everything. There are a lot of videos that can show off all of the cool things Notion can be used for but this is the video that personally helped me learn it quickly
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Bullet Journals <3 I have about 3 journals and I love them because I get to customize things with cute stickers and it gives very fun scrapbooking vibes. Because I use Notion as a all over planner I can use my BUJO’s for more fun and creative things. I usually use these for all of my cute ideas and things thats in my mind and aesthetic wishlists and such. Its very therapeutic to take time out to be kawaii and glamorous and just put cute thoughts on to paper! I mainly use it for kpop inputs, my fav shows, wishlists, dates and etc.
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Dry erase board <3 I use this as a overall daily top important to-do list! Sometimes I dont always open my notion if I dont have anything extremely important coming up but there may be some things I need to keep on my mind to do for that day. The way my neurodivergency is set up I need to keep the most important things always in my face or I could forget everything. So, I put things on there like get a new tire, pick up order from bath & bodyworks, put clothes in the dryer, wash dishes, and etc. Daily tasks like that usually goes on my dry erase board
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Remember at the end of the day dont be too hard on yourself and your schedule! Move at your own pace and always set yourself up for success. Scheduling is ideally suppose to calm you and be a tool to improve your life; not stress you out. If at any point you begin to feel overwhelmed just stop and recenter yourself and your life. I felt overwhelmed at first myself and that was because I was trying to keep up with a hyper organized and productive version of myself that I needed to give more patience to develop. Let this come organically to you and not because you are trying to keep up with what u feel everyone else is doing, or to the future self you are going to inevitably become. Happy scheduling, Dollmate!
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nonsensical-pixels · 1 year
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STRANGERVILLE: A COLLECTION OF CLOTHING ITEMS FROM THE SIMS 4 PACK, CONVERTED TO THE SIMS 2 + BONUS [download - 🌵]
welcome to the nonsensical-pixels blog: inconsistent previews since est. 2022!
have you ever gotten frustrated by the lack of desert-appropriate clothing out there? maybe you just want your sims to wear anything other than long knitted cardigans in hot weather. or hey, maybe you just like the vibes that come with the strangerville game pack and want them for ts2. well look no further, my strangerville collection is here!
started working on this set at the start of the month, while i was still playing strangertown (rip) but left it to cool for awhile while i went off to play some other custom 'hoods. well, until i started playing natosi by @oceansmotion recently and was in desperate need of more desert clothing, so i decided to resurrect this old project!
there are 6 clothing items included: 2 for adult females, 2 for adult males, and 2 for unisex kids! 🥳 age conversions are welcome!
i know that the original ts4 game pack isn't everyone's cup of tea--personally, it was my favourite--but the clothing sure looks great for ts2! again... at least in my opinion. i hope your desert-dwelling sims enjoy these new cas items--and the 'lil bonus i included!
credits go to ea/maxis for the original meshes & textures 💝
keep reading for more info, rambles, and preview pics + the bonus download i mentioned!
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MAIN DOWNLOAD: All 6 CAS Items!
click on the name for an individual preview!
ITEMS INCLUDED ARE: 1 - GP07 Denim Shearling (2762 polys, ym-am only, 9 swatches) 2 - GP07 Dress Crop Top (5101 polys, yf-af only, 9 swatches) 3 - GP07 Dress Layered (4847 polys, yf-af only, 12 swatches) 4 - GP07 Jacket Denim (2908 polys, cu only, 10 swatches) 5 - GP07 Shirt Long (4116 polys, cu only, 11 swatches) 6 - GP07 Shirt Western (2489 polys, ym-am only, 9 swatches) note: Dress Crop Top may have some mild bone issues around the sleeves, i tried my best 😔
*individual previews & swatches can also be found in the download!
THINGS TO NOTE: - The 'Dress Crop Top' is paired with the BG 'Shoes Ankle Pixie', converted by me - The 'Dress Layered' is paired with the GP07 'Boots High Western', converted by me - The 'Shirt Long' is paired with the GP01 'Boots Hiking', converted by me yeah, there's a lot of stuff converted by me
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BONUS DOWNLOAD: AI-Generated Desert Photo Backdrops! [download - 🏜]
oh, and because i struggled a lot finding a good backdrop for my previews... have a bonus download! i cloned & edited one of honeywell's easy peasy backdrops to remove the props, and changed up the uv map slightly. then i made random sims 4 themed desert recolors using night cafe! there are 4 swatches in total.
credits go to honeywell for the original mesh & night cafe for the backdrop swatches!
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i hope everyone enjoys the items in this download! i worked really hard on them and i can't wait to use them more in my own game! i'm also really proud of my new preview lot haha, i love my new backdrops 📷
part 2 of this will come... whenever i feel like it lol. not too excited by the other items in this set.
if you read this far, happy simming, lmk if there are any issues, and please do remember,
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with love,
~ Ky (nonsensical-pixels)
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foxgloveprincess · 12 days
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Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader [Second Person Narrator]
Summary: Dr. Rogers has a problem.
Word Count: 1,308
Attic Wives Anonymous Masterlist
Warnings: Dark (Soft Dark), Bets/Wagers, Medical Themes, Smut (implied Masturbation, Video Recording with Dubious Consent, Fingering, Squirting), Infatuation, Obssessive Behavior, Possessiveness, Yandere Vibes. Minors do not interact (18+).
A/N: While he’s happy to make house calls, Dr. Rogers works mainly in his clinic. Like Breakable Girls, this is a side story for A.W.A. that I wanted to peek into and I can’t guarantee any more parts. But Enjoy!
I love feedback, so go ahead and reblog if you want. However, I give no permission to copy, translate, rewrite or post my work on any third party website or app. Seeing my work posted anywhere beside my blog, my library blog, or my AO3 account (FoxglovePrincess) means it’s been stolen/plagiarized.
I don’t do tag lists, so follow @foxglovefics to sign up for notifications on my fics. 
This is unBeta’d, so all mistakes are my own.
Please DO NOT click ‘Keep Reading’ if you are not 18+ years of age or if you are uncomfortable with the pairing, themes, dynamics, or warnings. You are responsible for your own media consumption. Thank you!
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“Good morning Dr. Rogers,” follows him down the hallway to his office. Sweet, sincere. The new receptionist not too distracted by work to greet him with a smile. The most adorable thing he’d ever seen. By the time the door locks behind him, he’s hard as steel and aching for relief. Just the thought of his new girl laid out on his exam table enough to take him right to the edge.
He grumbles to himself and sits at his desk, grabbing a towel and some lotion from the bottom drawer and taking care of business.
An hour of paperwork later, a soft knock interrupts the quiet.
“Dr. Rogers, Mrs. Carter is ready for you.”
That voice. Again. His cock twitches and he has to direct his mind back to the matter at hand. Zipping himself up, he stands and opens the door to find you. So innocent and kind. The ways he could ruin you.
“I sent her file to the computer,” you say, oblivious to what your voice does to him. “And I had her strip under her gown, so there shouldn’t be anything obstructing the exam, just like you asked.”
“Thank you,” he replies, compelled to reach out a brush his fingers over your shoulder. At your questioning look, he merely says, “lint,” before turning toward exam room 4.
Mrs. Carter waits for him on his exam table. She grips the bottom of her gown in tight fists, ready at a moment’s notice to hitch it up to her waist. But her expression remains cool and collected, almost aloof. He swallows a sigh.
You wouldn’t act like that. Not for him.
“Mrs. Carter,” he greets, tossing his white coat aside and sitting on the rolling stool, “it says you’re here for a pelvic exam.” His sleeves roll up his forearms, her eyes lock on each inch of revealed skin. “Have you noticed anything different or out of the ordinary?”
“Yes, doctor,” she purrs. Mrs. Carter leans her body back and spreads her legs, ready for the stirrups, eager. “I’ve noticed some tingling that I can’t quite explain and some discharge.”
Steve hums, lip pressing together to suppress a frustrated sigh. Such an inane dialogue, one repeated for every yearly check up and ever monthly ‘emergency’. A dialogue indicating she’s all ready for him. Under his control. Trusting him to do whatever he wants. So he does.
Feet in the stirrups. Gloves snapping onto his hands. Lube uncapped and dripping. Set before his subject. He begins his work. Prying her apart with the speculum to take his samples. Listening for the gasping hitch in her breath as the tool opens. He craves it. To know their pain. To soothe them after.
His thoughts drift to you. How would he play with you? Break down your walls until you crumble. Build you back up. Would he even need to? A girl as sweet and soft as you? Maybe you’d melt for him.
“Doctor?” Mrs. Carter gasps, nails digging into the flimsy medical paper covering her seat. High pitched and whining, close to her release.
You distracted him. He can’t have that. His attention turns back to the labia before him. Plump and sensitive. His fingers poking and prodding her vaginal canal until he finds the Gräfenberg spot. Her whole body tenses, her breath hitches. He curls his fingers against that slightly spongy texture inside, hoping to further his research. His chin tilts to the camera and he nods, an indication for later. A timestamp. To document his findings in this appointment.
It doesn’t take long. The muscle contracting and her body straining. The stimulation prompting female ejaculation. It spray out and coats his shirt. From the nearby table, he grabs his specimen cup, catching as much as he can to study. He must be thorough.
Mrs. Carter’s chest heaves with her breath. Deep lungfuls trying to revive her sense of reality. Her legs twitch. He makes a mental note. Like previous appointments, her labia minora pulses with her heartbeat. He’s pleased with the consistency.
His thoughts drift back to you. Would you fit his standards? No—you’d exceed them. The perfect subject to test and analyze. He could spend hours with you. Documenting each reaction, each sensation. Finally find the answers to all his hypotheses.
The gloves rip when he pulls them off his hands. Mrs. Carter tilts her head up, a question in her eyes.
“Are-are we done already?”
“I’ve taken all I need,” he replies, curt and a little too gruff.
She recoils, nodding and pulling her legs from the stirrups. Clutching the gown closed, she shifts, the paper sticking to the wetness on her upper thighs. She doesn’t meet his eye.
“Once you’re redressed, you may go. You know the way out.”
Steve turns and exits the room. Steps sharp in the hallway. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—complete their usual appointment. You filled his thoughts too full. His body unresponsive to the usual stimuli. He didn’t even experience the slightest tumescence with Mrs. Carter. Unacceptable.
He stops short, almost to his office. You’re there, leaning against the wall, his colleague by your side. Chatting, merry. A deep, possessive instinct sparks to life. Wanting to grab you, snatch and bundle you away from all prying eyes. He tamps it down with the thin, fraying threads of logic left to him.
And like a magnet finding its mate, your gaze turns to notice him.
“Dr. Rogers,” you greet, smile sunny and bright. “Dr. Kemp was just telling me about your research.”
“Was he?” He turns to his colleague, a suspicious furrow to his brow.
“I didn’t think you’d be done with your appointment yet. Mrs. Carter give you the results you need?” Steve Kemp asks, brow cocked in a smarmy sort of gibe.
“Everything went according to plan.”
Kemp hums, smile breaking over his features. “Always the man with the plan.”
You shift on your feet and pipe up, “Well, I should go back to man the front desk. Just in case someone’s early for an appointment or the phone rings.” You duck out of the hallway toward the waiting room.
The door to room 4 slams, heels clicking brisk and clear toward the exit.
“Doesn’t sound too happy to me,” Kemp chuckles. His hands shove in his pockets, hips thrusting forward subtly. “Able to give her the full treatment?”
“No.” The growl in Steve’s voice grates against his throat, an aftertaste of frustration lingers on his tongue. “I was distracted.”
Kemp puffs out a lengthy breath of air. “I know what you mean. What were we thinking, hiring a sweetheart like her?”
“We were thinking she was qualified and interviewed well over the phone.”
“Well, I’m having a hard time keeping it in my pants,” Kemp confesses before nodding toward Roger’s trousers. “Looks like you, too.”
Rogers adjusts himself and grunts.
“I mean,” Kemp continues, a taunting jab lacing his words, “I guess that doesn’t matter as long as we do our jobs.”
“I can do my job,” Rogers snaps, glare fierce toward his colleague and long-time friend. “I have it under control.”
“If you say so,” Kemp challenges. He steps away from the wall, hand extending from his pocket to shake. “How about a little wager, then? One month and the most orgasms gets her first.”
Rogers contemplates a moment, already knowing he’ll take the bet. Of course he will. “Just the patients,” he asks, “or do others count?”
Kemp’s fingers flex, folding toward a fist as he thinks. His head tilts. “It has to be documented,” he finally says, clicking his teeth, “and it should be in the clinic only. To make it fair. And we are allowed to try to win her over for ourselves first. Whoever does it quickest gets bonus points.”
Rogers shoves his hand in Kemp’s without another thought.
“Deal.”
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Hiya!! Did you said you were looking for SMAU ideas, because I think I got a good one!!
You are dating Changbin and love how dedicated he is to working out and you want to connect with him on it, but your embarrassed that you haven’t worked out before. You start working out in secret with one of the other boys to try and learn the basics and not embarrass yourself when you finally suggest working out with Changbin. But you end up injuring yourself when you push yourself too hard. You try to keep it a secret from Changbin, but your workout partner rats you out to him, and he confronts you!
I was thinking some hurt comfort vibes, but I am down for whatever you want!!
I love your other fics and I’m so excited you’re doing more SMAUs! Hope your loving your best life and lots of love ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
thank you for the request 🥹 i hope it’s what you were asking for. i think it turned out so cute. 🥰 im glad you like my work. i see you and a few others in my notifications frequently and i really appreciate all the support y’all give me. i really truly appreciate it. i just love ya! 🩷
masterlist
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🚨reminder: even though this post is PG, this blog is 18+ only. i’ve been getting a lot of new followers (which i greatly appreciate) but if there’s no age identifier on your blog, i’m blocking you no questions asked. (for my own sanity and peace of mind.) ik some people don’t actually go to my page to read the warnings, so im going to start attaching a warning at the bottom of all my posts. thanks for understanding. 💕
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candiid-caniine · 7 months
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Hey! Long time no see, i know i said id send you a fantasy i thought you'd like but now ive forgotten almost all of it, oop!
Life happened, and uh, i saw that you mentioned your libido being a bit low, which definitely is my case too (im recovering from depression, now that im okay id love to get my FULL libido back, or at least a good percentage of it) do you have any tips on that?
Also any recs of blogs writing in the same vibe as you? (same-ish kinks would be nice but im specifically looking for queer inclusive stuff!) it makes me 10x hornier than the regular video/photo porn!
Hope you're well, you pathetic little thing!
💫
hi friend!! ugh i feel you. sorry i haven't got any advice on regaining ur libido...we just let mine wax and wane as it will, though denial has been a big help in keeping it steady!
i've heard good things abt ginseng and some other herbs. obvs use at your own risk, mind that some herbal treatments can cross-interact with certain medications, remember that pre-packaged supplement pills are often unregulated and may contain toxins, and be aware that some herbal remedies work better on pw certain anatomy than others, and finally that many herbal remedies considered to increase libido are largely untested on trans folx!
finally, sorry it's taken so long to answer this ask...i'm autistic and have been cataloguing lol. i present to you a list of other blog recs under the cut, organized by general vibe! i've tried to primarily include blogs that do their own posts rather than those who primarily reblog :)
note that my headings may provide some context as to what to expect, but you read at your own risk and each blog will typically have its own trigger warnings addressed in the header/pinned. additionally, i've not tagged some of the ppl below because they prefer that "Men DNI" blogs not interact, and idk if "no cis men" qualifies ahah!
all blogs below are queer- and/or trans-inclusive, if not exclusive! there is no detrans/misgendering, at least I don't think - i don't tend to follow those blogs.
hard kinks (blood, knives, etc; includes primarily-cnc blogs):
@puppy-mommy , who also does general t4t kink content, but does state untagged hard kinks!
@visciousest is someone whose blog i scroll when i'm in a Certain Mood ahah,, i won't elaborate
@hell-hound-bites: just. fuck. would drool on his knife blade.
@snuff-fag: its username should give you fair warning as to how wild its content tends to get, so please browse responsibly.
@condor-bait is taking a break right now, and all my love is with him as he takes care of himself. he made me feel so valid and so fuckable as a young trans person learning to love myself in a new way, and i've always been too shy to tell him how much his content meant to me one-on-one (yes, despite its often-extreme themes!), and he deserves as much time as he needs to heal!
@unwillingfvckpuppy for mostly cnc and medical kinks! if you like his style, but not so much their harder content, he also has a more-tame main blog--i just mainly follow/scroll this one!
@vampvictim: top-tier cnc/intox stuff, plus some great knife/bloodplay :)
@cryptidtid is wonderful and holy shit i follow a lot of hard kink blogs lol. incredible
@cnc-pet: i have been following her for a long ass fucking time lol. they post a lot of really good cnc and stories, but you'll also find a lot of aftercare tips and advice on her blog! i really admire blogs who try to balance horny content with best practices
@dollobotomy
general kinky content:
@excessively-queer . just plain old good shit :) there's a good amt of edging and degradation.
@clouded-king was honestly one of my earlier introductions to the queer/t4t kink community on here and how fucking euphoric it can be :) he posts some hard kinks, but generally it's a balance of a lot of different kinks so read his pinned at your leisure!
@ / cottontailx : just good kinky nsft posts :)
@ / digitalpenetration: often specifically t4t which i love!!
@femmelovefemme can step on me :)
@bigothteddies: could not build this section w/o mentioning him :) they had a big influence on my fantasies for a long time!
@hazelj-xoxo: bigtime want her to cuck me. have followed her across multiple blog deletions lol
@transpidered is forever an icon!
@subspaceemo
@writefinch for great stories and text posts
edging and denial, specifically:
@6irlpet is 1 of my go-to hands-down-pants scroll sessions :)
@droolkink is my inspiration!
@flustersluts does exactly what the name implies lol. a good helping of other kink content too :)
@puppycvnt is a 10/10!
@barkwoofbarkwoofbark: we r denial friends imo!!
@strawbrrysub
@blyssful-abyss
@urhighnessbitch is a big fav <3
non-detrans genderplay:
@butchviolence does amazing butch supremacy stuff and i,,, fucking hell. even just seeing their username puts me in a Particular state of mind ahah. they also post hard kinks so be aware as you proceed!
@mtfdomme: i literally just reblogged from her today lol. tbh i want to be their little stupid pupthing. it's not all transfem supremacy undertones/overtones, but that's what i mainly follow her for, plus just general t4t goodness! also, their general personality? and the way she shuts down people who disrespect their boundaries? huge inspiration for me!
@cuntboydestroyer: take me to the animal shelter and neuter me. good lord.
@the-kind-of-dame is the main inspiration for my recent genderplay post lol
@terfbreaking-tgirl (be warned of dykebreaking if that's an issue for you)
@barbarian-lesbian is my other inspiration for the recent genderplay post
@superiorineveryway
weird asf (/complimentary; my favorite type of shit. robots, ND-focused posts, etc):
@specksizedgoddess has introduced me to things i didn't know, like...existed, and that's saying a lot as one of my special interests is kink! never knew how down bad i was to be a tiny buggirl, nor how much i wanted to be someone's stupid little robot... BIG tw tho: there is snuff and gore content here, so proceed with caution if you don't wanna see that!
@sapphling fucked me up real good with some bird!sub bondage posts awhile back lol
@nobelisha: found them through their ghost cnc post so that's why they're in this category ahah! they don't have a pinned so proceed w awareness :)
@devout-cleric: hierophilia/religion kink, and i'm something of an acolyte of hers :) if you've read this far down you may as well know i'm her Little Lamb anon lol
piss/omo:
@latenightomo
@pissheartmybeloved - their URL makes me crack up every time, plus good content!
@hold-it-a-little-longer - good scenarios/imagines!
@ohmyrashi - (i think) my original intro to omo!
monsterfucking/terato:
@septimus-moonlight was my first real introduction to trans-positive terato and i've never settled for half-fun cis-oriented terato ever since :) mind tags!
@eggedbellies as well!
@bredpun doesn't appear to be active lately but still good for a scroll!
@steamandcream
@of-mutts-and-men
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onlymingyus · 8 months
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Do Re Mi (70;teen Collab Teaser)
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pairing; wen junhui x f reader
genre; smut (minors dni), fluff
warnings; unprotected sex, breeding kink, wife!reader, husband!jun, talk about having a baby, fingering, crying, mild dacryphilia, marking, scratching, cumplay
w/c; 4k and some change (570 ~ this teaser)
70s;teen Collab Masterlist
a/n; hope you enjoy. this is my fic for the 70s:teen collab, please make sure you read all the other amazing fics on the masterlist! thank you to @onlyhuis and @wonwussy for proofreading.
this fic will be released sunday 9/17 at 3 pm est to read it now subscribe to my patreon and click here
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Laughing, Jun washes the soap from his hands and dries them before lifting his arms and turning in his embrace to face you. With a smirk on his face, he goes as far as to bite on his bottom lip and shrug his shoulders.
He was your ground in this chaotic world and right now this was all that mattered. Shaking your head you take a step back towards the living room causing him to laugh as you sway your hips to the music playing low on the record player. It was different from before. This was music for slow dancing, music for lovers.
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
Jun smiles brightly when a smile spreads across your pretty face. It didn’t matter how tired he was. Your smile was like a shot of vitamin c injected right into his veins.
“Maybe. I got good vibes about things lately. I’m thinking you should take me to bed,..”
His smile only falters for a moment as Jun licks his lips, his brows furrowing at your words. You made it hard for him to keep his cool around you. It didn’t matter if you two had been married for two years or twenty…Jun felt it in his soul you were going to keep him on his toes.
“You sayin’...”
It’s when you nod, your footstep still walking the two of you backwards closer to the bedroom that Jun’s breath hitches in his throat. The two of you had talked about starting a family a hundred times but the financial situation was never right. It still wasn’t in Jun’s mind… but you saying what you had, Jun couldn’t think about anything else.
A gasping laugh finds your lips when Jun moves quickly picking you up in his arms. Your hands on his shoulders, you kick your legs only to stop when you feel his lips press against the rising fabric of your shirt. A short huff of breath escapes him and you find yourself suddenly furrowing your brows. Your fingers running through his hair as he takes the last few steps through the door to your shared bedroom to lay you on the bed.
Your fingers still threading through your husband’s soft locks, you find your eyes closing to the feeling of his lips finding purchase on your skin as his fingers gently work the button of your jeans loose in the dimly lit room. The only sounds are that of your soft moans, panting breaths, and his strategic kisses that seem to mesh with the music from the living room.
Lifting your hips to the feeling of Jun’s fingers pushing against your hips, you smile finally looking down at him in the low light to find his eyes on you. He had a way about making you feel shy by doing something so simple. Just his eyes on your face as he worked your jeans over your thighs, his breath fanning over your abdomen was enough to cause your cheeks to feel like you were standing too close to an open flame.
“Jun…”
Now he was smiling at your tiny whimper of his name. God, you were like a dream. How had he landed you, Jun would never understand, but he counted his blessings each and every day and especially any chance he had the privilege to between your thighs.
“What is it, little bird? You sound so pretty tonight.”
READ THE FULL FIC NOW ON PATREON
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© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.
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cosmictulips · 1 year
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I'm Wishing... For the One I Love... to find me...today (PAC)
So this fun pac is all about Your Future Spouse & When You'll be meeting them.
Close your eyes and pick a disney princess ;) --- as always if you want more pacs feel free to follow me. I'm trying to be more active this year. and uhm, yea. this is part one of a series that I'm doing.
I am also open to doing exchanges and paid tarot readings. for more info feel free to look on my blog or reach out.
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Coincidently, they are also in order of which they came out.
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My pile 1's !
Who This Person Is ::
The Magician, the Hierophant, King of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, 09 of Swords, 05 of Pentacles
Yea so, this person is having it rough right now. they could come a rather difficult life, but regardless of whether or not it's a rough life or just a period, the thing to know about them is that they don't quit. they will work themselves to death if it means they can achieve their goals. they are very hard on themselves and will keep pushing and beating on a dead horse. they simply have a hard time letting go.
they are very intelligent people and because of that, they've been able to work smarter not harder ;) they have a strong foundation but -and I really can't emphasize this enough-, they really had to work at it. the money that they have, the friendships, connections, etc. came from a long line of suffering. dare I suggest this person has heavy saturn or pluto influence. just fixed energy comes from this person.
they are stubborn, they are witty, and blunt. but they are also soft and very wise. they aren't a boulder, they will move mountains. despite this anxiety that I'm picking up on, they are a marshmellow. they believe in the best and they believe that they deserve nothing but the best. and they believe that to be the case with everyone. this person is hard on others because they see the potential and want to push you to be better.
they are a giver. they will give you everything if it meant that you will fly. they've had to learn the hard way that you can't just give everything away. so don't be surprised if they come off as closed off to you. they lack alot in this life time but they know they can achieve greatness.
I think the fear of abandonment and never having enough to survive, drives them forward. they get in their head a lot. they are probably their own worst enemey to be honest. Taurus energy is coming through strongly but that's because I'm picking up on homebody vibes. this person likes to cook. likes to be surrounded by like minded individuals and things that make them happy.
there's a tendency to relax only when their body is ready to give out. they are stubborrrnnnnn. I can't stress that enough. they'll tell you to go shower and sleep but they'll never sleep and never shower because they're just too focused on what is ahead of them haha. definitely the type to be like "do as I say not as I do".
wouldn't be surprised if this person has some sort of management job or is doing their own thing. they're destined to have it all in this life time and they know it. I'm seeing someone with an intense stare, so definitely, don't.... be too shy around them. they will see your nervousness and feel anxious about it. they'll want to spoil you and protect you. definitely a lot of masculine, just strong energy here. even if it is a female.
they're also intuitive as heck but I think they let the worries get to them. they think that ... by branching out and thinking "illogically" will just hurt them so they try to stick to what they know. so you might have to change that way. they want to believe in stuff like Tarot, but their rationality will talk them out all the time. so get them into it lol.
if you can get them out of their head, and you will cause they're your person, you'll see a very loving, and spontaneous side to them. someone good with their words and loves to laugh. they have a smile that just lights up the sky bruh. it's so cute.
When You Two Will Meet ::
sooo I'm getting May -June, September- October. these can be birthdays, these can be literal months that you two meet. I'm also hearing gemini season which I think further throws May into the mix haha.
You two are going to be in a situation where you will talk... a lot. maybe someone introduces you two, maybe you both are late for the train and miss it and have to wait for another one. regardless, I see one of you making idle chat and then you both just go off . this person is extremely easy to talk to despite their kind of nonchalant gaze. and I feel like it's one of those things where you two will just keep running into each other.
I did pick up on other people being around so I have a funny feeling it's a public place. a party, a museum, idk. just someplace where you both might be thinking you're talking to your friends but it turns out it's each other. or you both just... it's perfect timing to be honest.
ALSO you could be meeting via a dating app. something about texting. I see a lot of texting and talking online.
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My Pile 2's !
Who They Are ::
The High Priestess, The Magician, The Lovers, King of Wands, Queen of Swords, Page of Wands, 07 of Cups, 03 of Pentacles
so. this persons energy really wanted me to stress just how different they are to other people. strong neptune energy. they are like "I'm adaptable, I can do whatever you ask me to do and I'll still be me". so really, just strong mutable placements.
this person is kind of lucky. when I was getting the cards out for this, I kind of kept laughing. this person really has a great sense of humor and just enjoys being around things and people and places. travelers. probably the type to know a lot of weird things. like a lot, but of niche things haha. great conversationalists.
Very romantic people. might be a bit of a flirt. really good at getting what they want. they tend to bring good luck wherever they go. not the type to really be argumentive or defensive, but they sure as hell can be. they know how harsh the world is and they try not to let it get to them. they try not to use their words as a weapon. but they are sharp. don't let that happy go lucky attitude fool you.
they may be a bit indecisive. they like to do a lot of things... at once. maybe they have ADHD. they just like to see people smile. type to just go on spontanious roadtrips haha. they are very intutiive and I have a funny feeling that they might be into the mysical and the paranormal. I mean, with their wandering mind, they probably are.
definitely daredevils. I hear... that some of them might be good at baking. gardening. they take care of things. they're gentle souls. I feel like they're a gemini lol. maybe they have strong gemini placements or something. mercurial for sure.
people love to be around them. I think they're just good at getting others to work together. could be popular but to be honest with you, I think they're just talkative haha. people could just want to hang out with them. like, I see them knowing people, but very few actually get close to them. talkative, but ...secretive. ya know what I mean?
definitely some leo vibes going on. but, not arrogant. they just know how to have a good time and not take things too seriously. unless they need to.
I think... as for jobs, they might be inclined to help people. teaching, medical type stuff, theater even. music. they just... LIKE TO DO THINGS IDK. some of them might even do more mystical things haha.
When You Two Will Meet ::
some of you will meet around five months from now. the thing about the meeting is, I'm seeing you two meet during a time of... not necessarily failure but just saddness. maybe something doesn't really work out, maybe you're in the middle of a healing journey or they are. but they are just... sad. grieving.
maybe there's just some extesential dread. did I spell that right? dread lol. I think honestly, this has to do with the fact that while they are surrounded by people and are liked, they don't feel connected. and so when they meet you, they're going to be so inclined to be with you instantly. you two are like souls who are meant to meet. and they'll know it right away.
anyway, I see a rainy season. so maybe summer is important here. spring too but I really think it's summer.
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My Sweet 3's!
Who They Are ::
The World, Strength, The Lovers, 09 of Pentacles, 02 of Wands, 02 of Cups
The first thing that came to my mind was just how much of a romantic this person is. they just have a zest for life. this person is also very independent and they enjoy just doing things that make them happy. I keep hearing nature, so I think this person might like to go hiking and being around animals. I'm seeing lots of trees in particular. I think they just like to be introvert haha.
they have a vivid imagination. they like to plan, and daydream and are very artisitic in their expression. very forgiving people. they have a very soft but calm vibe. I think this person tries not to let things get to them. they ... kind of struggle with self confidence. I'm getting this message that some of them really struggled a bit growing up and now they just... glow. they're used to handling things on their own.
It's kind of like number one and two. this person is very balanced. they have big ideas and they want to puruse them but I think things just keep falling out of place. they get stuck in their own minds about it but it hasn't stopped them just yet. they keep trying.
they have this strong gut instinct that something big is out there waiting for them. they're serious but also like... they tend to goof around. they know what they're looking for and won't settle for anything less. but the execution in their ideas, might need a little help.
they're very striaghtforward in their speech. people are very interested in what they have to say and I think it's because they don't say much. it's funny cause I feel like this person is just coasting by right now. like doing a "low end" job. but it's because they are aiming for the larger stuff. they're waiting for their time to shine. they're patient. it's honestly fascinating. they know something is going to happen. and they're not slowing down, but they know enough to wait.
very strong minded, wise and mature. capricorn energy is what I'm getting here but also aquarius and virgo. detail oriented.
When You Two Will Meet ::
August and September is kind of the time frame I'm getting here. I think also capricorn and virgo season is important here. this relationship is going to take time to develop. this person is very secure in who they are and they want to romance you. winter is also coming to mind but that kind of hits home with the capricorn season haha.
Idk, there's not much to say about this person and timing. they're quiet. but it's not a bad thing.
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romanarose · 8 months
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If You Wanna Be Wild: Chapter 2
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Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader/OC x Santiago Garcia
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Triple Frontier Master List
Series Masterlist : Read on AO3
Summary: Javi and Santi talk about where to start with Lorea; Santi thinks on his night with Candy
Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it.
Additional warnings: Catholic guilt and religous trauma and religion talk. However, this is not an anti catholic page. We can discuss the problems of the church at large and the guilt that abstence-only and shame based discussions on sex can affect people, but my family is catholic and I have a lot of respect for the individual people, especially Latino-catholics.
For the record, this is a fic that takes place in the drug trade and deals with the darker side of humanity, so anything from Narco's and Triple Frontier is liable to be discussed or mentioned here. This is your warning. This is not a dark fic nor is it centered around dark themes like Leather and Lace or Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside, but they are open to be talked about.
Reader has a nick name: Candy. Not her real name just what she goes by on her profession. Much of the inspo for this and for the title came from the Bruce Springsteen song “Candy’s room” so check it out for the vibes.
Reader speaks Spanish and had hair. I've decided Candy is just latina coded bc she's a sex worker in colombia so this is what I'm doing.
3.1k words. Proof red by my beloved Fen
Perspective changed per section. When perspective is Santi or Javi, reader is referred to in the 3rd person or by Candy.
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You have Santi sat up on the bed, facing you. Well, Diego. That’s what he said his name was, but if he thought you didn’t know who the new DEA agent in town was, he was mistaken. After your 3rd arrest for prostitution, you got a lot more careful, and always tried to keep up with the police in the area. You wondered if he knew Javi.
“Alright Diego, tell me, what exactly is it you’re looking for?” You ask, but he looks confused, so you give a soft, warm sigh. He was one of those ones. “Are you just looking for a quick fuck? Getting to know each other and forming a connection, exploring things?”
Santi considered his options. “Well, maybe I’d like to learn a little bit… only had s-” He swallowed. “sex a few times… you know, lights off, missionary, couple pumps and done…” A nervous chuckle emitted from him, so you tried to ease him with a soft smile.
“Don’t worry, baby boy, we can do that. Let’s start with getting to know a woman’s body, how about that?”
*
“Garcia, wake the fuck up.” Javi’s voice broke Santi out of his daydreaming, making him snap towards Javi.
“Huh? Sorry.”
“Whatsamatter, pretty boy, got dicked down too hard last night?”
Santi’s eyes went wide at that. “Dicked-?!?! DICKED DOWN? JAVI!” He leaned in to whisper harshly, as if it was important enough to keep quiet but not so bad Santi couldn’t miss an opportunity to clutch his pearls. “Javi, you fucking know I could get arrested for that!”
“I’m joking, pendejo.”
“You shouldn’t joke about that!”
Apparently, Santi looked concerned enough that Javi backed down, raising his hands in defeat. “Tranquilo, tranquilo amigo, lo siento. Yo parare.”
A little shaken, Santi glanced down as he calmed himself. “Gracias, Pena”. He rolled his shoulders and shook his head before clearing his throat. “So. Lorea. What do we got?”
*
Santiago Garcia had never seen a pussy up close before. There’d been porno magazines, sure… and he’d… touched a bit. He wasn’t an animal, Will had explained he can’t just shove his dick into a woman, that could hurt her. No, you gotta warm her up first, seduce her, open her up. Santi heard more than he ever wanted to of the sordid detail of Will eating pussy. However, when it came to actual sex, Santi barely got through it without a panic attack. There was no way he was going to attempt to go down on a girl under those conditions. Still, he didn’t want to hurt her, so he made sure to finger the 3 girls he’d somehow bumbled his way into bed with.
He needed to do better. Candy was allowing him the chance to explore, get over his nerves.
“But I want you to cum…” He had insisted.
“Well aren’t you a sweet boy… I’ll make sure I cum, how about that? Let me worry about that.”
“But…” he had looked across at her. “But I wanna learn how too.”
She nodded with reassurance. “You will, trust me, I’ll teach you. Just for today, focus on getting comfortable. I’ll let you know what feels good and what doesn’t but what works for me may not work for someone else, so remember that. Most important thing is communicating and listening to her body, so let’s start there.”
That’s how he got here, flat on his chest with Candy’s legs spread out before him. Her pussy was glistening for him.
“Where do I… how do I start?”
Candy sat up just a bit on her elbows. “Start by just getting familiar, explore.”
So he did. Santi started with touching. His index and middle finger swept along her folds, moving and opening her up for his view. She was beautiful. He started with the top, the area just below her pantyline tan skin under a bush of hair followed by her folds coming to a head.
“That’s the clit, that’s very important.” She took his fingers and pulled back the hood. “Touch there” When Santi complied, Candy sank back down on her bed with a hum.
Santi felt a swell of pride at giving her pleasure. “Is that good?”
“Very good, pretty boy. Lot of nerves right there.”
He continued touching below, feeling the way her skin moved to his touch and how his fingers slid across the slick, soft skin below… She looked delicious.
“Can I taste you?”
*
“Where do we even start with something like this?” Santi groaned, flopping his head back.
Javi couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. “Don’t be such a child, Garcia. You take this shit one step at a time, just like anything else. Let’s start with what we know.”
The handsome younger man sighed. “Fine.” He pulled out the casefiles and Javi noticed how much calmer he’d seemed, less high strung… still high strung but that was just Santiago, Javi came to realize. “Gabriel Martin Lorea, coke dealer, devout catholic and family man… none of which stops him from hiring hookers.”
Javi chuckles. “Few things do.”
“Well, marriage should, especially when you have children.” Santi glared at him. 
His naivete, something Javi had been dreading with a younger partner, ended up endearing Santi to him. “Right, right of course.” He smiled and shook his head before lighting up a cigarette.
“Do you really have to do that indoors?”
“So sue me. I’m the one smoking, it’s not like it can hurt you.”
“I don’t know, I heard of a study that secondhand smoke can-”
Javi blew a puff of smoke in Santi’s face. “That’s just anti-smoking propaganda pushed by doctors to sell more nicotine patches.”
*
Santi had dived right in. Once he had permission to taste, he very tentatively licked a strip up her folds and to the clit… and was suddenly a starved man, insatiable, desperate to devour her and drown in her juices.. She liked when he touched her clit so he was sure to latch his mouth over the hood. As he sucked, Candy instructed him to finger her and he was happy to oblige. This, he could handle at least.
“Good boy…” Candy cooed at him. “Such a good boy for me, so obedient.”
“Wanna be good.” He mumbled into your core as he lapped at her, hips rutting against the bed. “Wanna do good.”
When her fingers found his hair, tangling up in his curls and tugging just a bit, he couldn’t help but whine into her, toes curling in his socks.
“You’re doing so good, baby boy, so good, but I’m gonna need you to stop.”
Stop? He didn’t wanna stop. Santi wanted to die here with her… Was it time? How much time did he pay for- ait, he hadn’t even paid her yet. What was her going rate? He didn’t fucking care right now, right now he’d pay her his life savings, his military pension, his first born, whatever she wanted if he could cum. 
“Whyyyyy?!” He simply went back to eating her out, taking every moment he had.
“Because,” Candy pulled at his curls, forcing him to look up and crawl back up her golden body. “Because you are about to cum, and I still wanna ride you.”
He could feel his eyes go wide at that. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what that meant… but for someone who had only ever done missionary, the whole concept seemed so… dirty. Santi chuckled nervously, tucking his head into the crook of her neck. “I’ll be honest, Candy, I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna last as it is.”
He felt her chuckle. “Let’s slow down for a moment, then. I want you to undress.”
His breath hitched, but he made the move to undo his pants until she stopped him.
“Uh-uh, Diego. Stand up. Let me watch you undress.”
Undress like… standing? By himself? All out there and naked? “Um… can’t I do it here?”
“You can.” She confirmed with a kind smile. “But I’d really like to watch you strip for me.”
How could he resist that? Tentative, slow and careful, Santi stood up and Candy sat on the edge of the bed, bottoms off but still clothed top. “Are you gonna take that off?” It was half a joke, half a genuine question.
Candy nodded. “I will, just trust me.”
And he did, with everything in him.
So he took off his shirt.
*
“Okay. Catholic. Do we know what church he goes to?”
Javi raised an eyebrow? “You think a drug lord is going to daily mass?”
“No, but if he’s devout I assume he’s got a family that goes. Wife and children maybe, but definitely a mother. I don’t know one woman over 50 who doesn’t belong to a perish, especially a hispaña woman.”
“You find a lot of company con mujeres mayor, amigo?”
“Shut up. I say we start there. If we can find out about his family's church, we can probably find out a little more.”
Apprehensive as always, Javi crossed his legs, doubtful. “I don’t know, what can we possibly find out?”
Santi shrugged. “Not sure, but churches have a lot of records when it comes to members and if he has a family that is active we might find out something useful.”
“Is this really the best use of our time?”
Javi raised a good point, this might be a dead end, and they would have wasted all that time. “Just give me a picture of all known families and I’ll keep an eye out.”
Now that caught Javi’s attention, cocking an eyebrow at him. “You go to church, Garcia?”
A faint blush crept up Santi’s neck. His mother was very religious, that religion instilled into him and his sister. His sister couldn’t care less anymore, but then again she had never cared much about their mother’s harsh opinions and strict standards… Santi did. And so, even now with her passing, Santi attended mass often. Not a part of a regular perish, he just attended where he could and when his schedule allowed. The old women there did love him, but Santi knew Javi would never let that go. “Tengo muchas tías y primos en la zona. Si no muestro mi cara en la iglesia a veces, se lo dirán a mi madre y nunca escucharé el final.”
Javi didn’t need to know his mom was dead.
*
Santi nervously slides down his trousers and underwear, revealing the last bit of himself to Candy. Except for his tube socks. He wasn't sure what to do about those.
“Can I… move now?” He asked, a tremble in his soft voice.
She cocked her head to the side. “Does it make you nervous? To be seen like this.”
“To be seen like what?”
Candy stood up. “Naked, vulnerable, in full lighting…” She walked over towards him and placed her hands on her chest. “To let someone be able to see every part, every dip…” She felt over the ripples of his stomach muscles. “Every.” Lower. “Single.” Lower. “Inch.” Grabbing onto his hardened cock and began stroking it.
Santi let out a shuttered gasp at the touch of her hand. With her other one she lifted it to his mouth. “Lick, pretty boy.”
He was happy to oblige, not needing to know why. He didn’t need to ask questions with her, he could simply shut off his mind and let Candy guide him… mother knows best. Santi lapped at her palm, keening into it as the wetness smeared on his face.
“Such a good puppy”
The whine that emitted from him was out of him control; he liked the praise, he liked the nickname. He liked it a lot. He had been taught his whole life that sex was for procreation, a dirty thing to be done in shame and in quiet but here she was, proudly jerking him off with the now-wet hand… His mom would have said she was consumed by lust, that the devil had taken her, but Santo saw nothing but kindness in her eyes. Yes, he was paying her, he was well aware of that fact but she did genuinely seem to want to help him, to let him explore, to allow him to care for this basic human instinct… Was this dirty? Was this wrong? He wasn’t sure he cared anymore.
“Doing so good baby boy, are you close?”
He was seconds away from coming. “S-so close.” He had his head thrown back, letting her take the lead on his pleasure.
With that, she wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, stifling his impending orgasm.
“Mierde!” Santiago grunted, body jolting a bit in the physical frustration.
“Relaje, guapo. Trust me, okay? Can you do that?”
He groaned, but complied. Santi trusted her with everything. Right now, he’d follow her into the dark.
*
“Alright, so Pope Santiago will case the churches in his free time. Where does that leave us during the time we actually get paid for?” Javi thought the nickname was fitting for the apparently religious boy.
“I think we need to learn more about his free time.” Javi put out his cigarette. “How about we talk to some girls, see if they know anything?”
Santi narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Girls?”
“Hookers, Pope, hookers.”
“Oh.” 
Javi noticed how he suddenly became so nervous. The boy needed to get laid. The new information of Santi being at least semi-religious was a whole new insight on his psyche. He already seemed to be a bit of a mama’s boy, a goody-two-shoes with a shiny military career and a good heart, but this was a little different. Javier’s family was catholic, as most families were. He had been baptized, first communion, confirmed, the whole jazz but as soon as he’d got annoying enough, his mom stopped bushing the issue. Santi, however, was still practicing.
“I’ll handle that part, Garcia. Don’t worry, I won't drag the Pope into a whore house.”
Javi had no doubt Santi could hold his own in most scenarios. Hell, he’d seen it. In line of fire, interviews, everything Santi could handle. But take him into a room full of prostitutes? Well, they’d eat him alive.
*
“Are you ready for me, pretty boy?” You had him right where you wanted him, right where you liked pretty boys like him that you got to corrupt in moments like this… Santiago was special though, you could tell. He was innocent, but he was far from the most innocent. You’d taken plenty of virginities before, so many you’d lost track of it all, but the way Santiago looked at you right now as he was sat up against the padded headboard of your bed slowly stroking him as your legs straddled his. Santiago looked at you with reverence, adoration, like he was fully submitted below you… as if you had the power, even though it was in his hands as the customer. Yeah, he was a special one. 
 A good, young DEA agent, straightline former military, special Ops and he came to you to show him how to pleasure a woman; not just to have sex, not just to get off, but to learn how to heighten the pleasure of all parties… A church going boy too. 
“Do I need to beg? Because I’ll fucking beg.” His hands were gripped at the sheets, lightning at the knuckles.
“Oh sweet boy, I won’t make you beg, I’m just checking in.” You sit up, rubbing the tip of his cock along your folds. Pulling down the foreskin, you begin to sink down on him, watching his eyes widen as your warmth enveloped him. He filled you right up. Every. Single. Inch.
“Breath baby, breath.” You urge him as you see his lips pressed tight together. 
He did as he was told, releasing a breath. 
“Good job. Now keep breathing, I’m going to finish undressing.” His cock was stuffed into you, and your bottom remained still as your top moved, stipping off your shirt and bra in one. 
It was merely a whisper. “Beautiful…” His eyes were nearly glazed over in lust when you began your work.
Up, down, up, down… you moved on him with your hands on his chest for balance… he seemed almost in shock as he looked in your eyes, only staying momentarily to look at your breasts before quickly looking back at your face as if it was impolite.
“It’s okay to look, Diego. You won’t offend me. You can find me sexy, do you think I’m sexy, Diego?”
“So pretty…” It was gasped out and you could tell he was almost there again.
You began to bounce on him with more vigor and the “You can touch me too”
“I’m… I’m a little scared too…”
Running your fingers through his curls, you ruffle it, enjoying the look of the pristine young man coming undone for you. You take the initiative for him. Hand in hand, you guide him to your breasts, encouraging Santiago to grope and squeeze as he liked and you reveal in the feeling of feeling of his excited pawing. He was enraptured in you, you and him were the only thing that matter right now, and you knew it. You stretched around him,  and you knew it had to be one hell of sight.
“Watch” Pulling him by his curls you guide him to look down where you and him connected, letting him watch the watch your cunt moved to accommodate him, making room to be filled over and over again. “See how my body let’s you in? I was made for you, pretty boy. I was made to take you inside me.”
The thick stretch was bringing you closer, and you knew he was only holding on by a thread himself, so you began to touch yourself. “Focus on that feeling, Diego. The feeling of us together. Can you feel it? I sure can.”
“I- I can, yes.” He was panting now, his bare tanned chest heaving with every bounce of you tits in his hands. 
“Yes what?” But he looked up at you in confusion, a desperation on his face to be good, do good, do this all right. “Yes ma’am”
“Yes ma- ma’ammmm” With that, Santiago’s hits thrust upward into you, his eyes drilled shut and mouth tightly closed in his attempt to muffle his own release.
You did no such thing. As he filled you up, you spilled over yourself and felt the gushing release of your cunt soaking his cock, you yelled out for him, letting him know how good he made you feel. Relaxing onto his chest, Santiago wraps his arms around you like an affection-starved child, and you get a little hint into what you think this was all about.
He needed praise. He needed fondness. He needed skin to skin contact like nothing else right now. He needed to be a good person and do it all right and know he was doing it right. 
Santiago needed to be loved.
*****************
IM BACK
Sorry i know it was a wait lmfao. I posted like 3 chapters of the wrong way sequel before this one lolololol OOPS
But i promise I got a fun plan for this fic! I hope you all enjoy.
Remember, reblogs are the only real way to spread work! Please consider relogging to support this writing.
Comments mean the world to me!
Asks are always open to discuss this fic or my others, but also for non fandom too! Talk to me about anything you're excited about! I wanna get to know you all.
Also, as a note im trying my best for historic acuracy but I know narcos goes from like 70's onward but this stays in the 70's. Pretend Pablo Escabar isn't an issue anymore lmfao.
@runa-falls @lunar-ghoulie @campingwiththecharmings @whatthefishh @itspdameronthings @persephone-girl @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @beelzebeth87 @pimosworld @millerscoffee @heareball @thatwonderouswoman @poolbool @meveispunk @lovable-liar @millllenniawrites @read-and-wip @missdictatorme @the-fox-den @milkymoon2483 @k-ra @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rosellacwrites @legendary-pink-dot @dreamingofbucky @axshadows @englandsgray @starsthatwatch @laiisleitte @fairlyang @alwaysmicado @theywhowriteandknowthings @casa-boiardi @lostfleurs @ninebluehearts @puglover12
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bloggingboutburgers · 3 months
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Reading your blog, I'm starting to see my relationship with my bf differently (we've been together for over a decade). Like, I've been questioning my romantic orientation for some time, suspecting I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. But I realise I don't really have a clear image of what romance actually is and if it's something I have in my relationship. Like, he's my best friend. But what makes it different that a very close friendship? Apart, you know, the fact we live together and see each other every day. I'm also asexual so we don't really have sex, but for the very rare time I feel like doing something for him, but it's not really something we do, though I know sex and romance are to different things, straight people tend to say that the difference between friendship and dating is sex. I've heard allos saying "if I don't have sex with my s/o, what are we? Friends?" Anyway, I'm just more and more confused by what those criterias are for defining what is and what is not a romantic relationship. Love? I mean, love can have so many forms, how am I to regognise which one I feel? I just care about my bf. I like spending time together. We help each other on a daily basis. And when one of us need alone time we give as much time as the other needs. We do our things each in our corners and meet in the middle when we want company. We're happy this way. And that's great! I just can't comprehend what this all means. Sometimes I'm confused about the feelings I get for other people. Am I attracted to them or do I just want to smother them with my intense friendship? Which is hard. I sometimes feel like I love my friend to hard and I shy away during our interactions for fear to overwhelm them with my love. What's the difference between the two? Between my relationship with my bf and the friendship with those people I have to keep away sometime for fear to be "too much"? I'm sorry for these ramblings. You probably don't have the answers to this, but I needed to tell all this to someone that might understand at least some of it. I love your blog btw.
Sorry I'm replying so late – but thank you so much for all of this input, it's actually so interesting to hear your take on your own experience.
You're right, I don't have the answers, because every experience is very personal and I don't wanna project onto others, but there's a lot of points I actually relate to very much – like, I don't have a clear idea of what romance even is either, I just feel in my gut that it's not what I have with my queerplatonic partner. I guess in my own case I've also always had a bit of trouble with the idea of a "best friend" (like, I HAVE entertained the idea that this or that person might be my "best friend" at some points in my life, but I always end up coming back to the thought that I don't feel OK putting one person above others in my head – I work more in tiers made out of several people at once).
I might also be overthinking things but I often hear in the long-term-relationship discourse that romantic partnerships often wind up turning into friendship over time and that's OK – no idea how that works but it's interesting to think about, and I wonder if there's any truth to that on an aromantic spectrum basis? Like maybe... If both of us are on the aromantic spectrum, then maybe we just didn't get the "romantic high" part because we don't feel romantic attraction or feel it less than most people, and we're straight to that "friendship" part people talk about? ...Either way, what you describe with your bf sounds like a vibe, a healthy vibe to me. Sounds like you guys have it figured out and I wish you the best, honestly.
Also lol it really IS a useful and sobering reminder that to most allo people, the "sex = romance" idea is probably very prevalent still... Makes it even harder to figure ourselves out
Either way sorry for rambling and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your self-reflection, honestly, whatever conclusion you come to I hope life is good for you^^
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bogkeep · 17 days
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grousing about ai art stuff
every time i open twitter (my mistake) there's a new thread on how to spot ai art or ai photos by finding all the mistakes in it, and like obviously this is useful and it's good to watch out because they kEEP SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE AHHH HELL WORLD HELL WORLD, but it's also a little depressing that we're training ourselves to nitpick all kinds of details within a piece of art.
like even before the artifically generated image boom randos on twitter would reply to fully finished illustrations with the most asinine unsolicited advice possible. art's gonna be flawed sometimes! i'll draw someone in a weird pose because of vibes! i'll wing a hand! i don't fucking know what a house actually looks like!!! like yes of course the way a human artist creates flawed art is different from the way an algorithm doesn't actually know what anything looks like because it has no mind. it doesn't know shit. so it's not that it's UNRELIABLE but it's like. it's like... i've been telling myself and others every time i'm struggling to make something look Just Right that actually nobody i going to be staring as hard at my art as i am while making it. if i don't point it out people aren't likely to notice unless they are going through it with a fine toothed comb BUT NOW WE ARE DOING THAT APPARENTLY. WHICH IS ANYONE'S PEROGATIVE AND FAIR ENOUGH! PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT MY ART HOWEVER THEY WANT IT'S FINE
but it's ALSO so depressing to consider having to analyse every single piece of art you come across like that my goddddddd i just wanna enjoy it!! i wanna enjoy art!!!! i mean the main reason i finally stopped going on twitter regularly was during the NFT boom and i got so tired of having to vet every single artist i came across to make sure i wasnt retweeting nft stuff. like that really ruined my previously enjoyable experience of LOOKING AT NICE ART ON MY FEED WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE.
god another thing that happened during the dark nft times was how certain art styles tended to be nfts. and i don't mean the ugly apes and stuff, like of course there's those, but there were a lot of artists who sold their souls to crypto and there was just a certain Vibe to a lot of those styles. like i got a sixth sense for it, i would see a piece of art by an unknown artists and when i checked - yep, that was a crypto guy now. and you know what!!!! i hated that!!!! i hate that it ruined entire art styles for me!! AND NOW ARTIFICIALLY GENERATED IMAGES ARE DOING THE SAME!!!!! like what tends to tip me off is less because i spotted some wonky hand or a weird flap but because the style is a popular one for the ai bros to imitate. you know what i mean right!!!!!! it's kind of how the ai photos look a bit too clean and crisp and smooth in an unsettling way. it just pings the brain a bit.
ULTIMATELY the absolute main method i have for filtering away ai images isn't so much looking for mistakes, but by checking sources. it's the same way i check that i'm not reblogging from reposting accounts Because That's A Thing I Care About Too - if there's no description or the description seems off and i don't recognise the OP, i check the original post/blog to see what's up. if the image gives me a weird vibe, i check where it comes from and who posted it. oftentimes the comments on posts with ai images will point it out - they're not always accurate and there's definitely been times where people are a little too trigger happy to accuse art of being AI... but it can be a good lead or confirm suspicions. on one hand, i don't want to do detective work while im having chill scrolling time, but on the other hand - i already had this habit for other reasons, so it's less disruptive to me than the alternative. it also helps that it's very rare for ai shit to turn up in my tumblr feed. i don't want to keep looking over my shoulder!!
(also for anyone who wants a little bit of optimism in the middle of all this, here's an episode of Better Offline podcast that outlines how it's very unlikely for generative ai to actually get much better. here's the part two also.)
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lucyandthepen · 10 months
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last eden - i . | lmh
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part i, ii, iii
only one thing has ever mattered to you, in this lifetime, and in all others : mark lee — even if he doesn't know yet, and even if he may never remember.
pairing: mark x reader verse: canon/idol!verse, soulmates trope rating: T warnings: none, possibly some mild language, like... one very tame mention of making love ig word count: 4.3k
A/N: yeah i have a lot of these fics that i'm repurposing that i desperately want to post so i can continue them so please look the other way at my random over enthusiasm i beg !! my only long-standing mark fic is actually gorgeous, and while we do love a good raunchy piece, i love mark way too much to keep it to just that. this was my first ever fic on my old blog, and i'm quite attached to the idea despite the fact that it's actually very difficult for me to write. i changed the name because i actually love this song by maktub (anything he puts out is gold to me), which i think generally fits the vibe of the story, so give it a listen if you're interested! so i hope you all enjoy this idol!verse soulmates fic! (help a gal out by reblogging, liking, and leaving a few kind words if you're so inclined!)
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“This isn’t really your best idea.” 
You know this. You’re fully aware of the possible and endless risks as well as the minimal benefits. But you have to go. The thing that Heehyeon, your roommate, doesn’t fully understand is that this could be your one and only shot, and it could mean life or death. And you know that sounds pretty dramatic, but it really is. you don’t really have all the details (when, where, how, the important stuff) but that doesn’t matter to you right now. 
What really matters is that today is NCT’s comeback stage at M! Countdown, and you have to be there. 
Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those things you have to go to because your a die-hard fan and you just have to support the group and do all those fan chants and lie to your mom about going to the library when you’re really staying over outside a company building for hours just to wave those silly, expensive light sticks that look like they came out of the factory a bit funny. Sure, NCT’s music was nice (enough), but that isn’t really the reason why you told your mom not to come over this weekend because you would be out on a company team building retreat (as if they actually do that). More than anything, you knew you had to take this chance to see him. 
When you don’t respond, Heehyeon presses on with a firmer tone, as if she’s determined to convince you even though you both know nothing is really going to stop you at this point.
“Listen to me, _____________. You are going to a tightly-packed music show with at least a hundred other fans, and you are going to stand in the middle of that dense crowd and — and what? Stare up at him. That’s it. He’s not going to see you; that stage is so high up he’ll probably only catch a look at your forehead, and that’s if you make it up front. And since we both know you’re neither the tallest nor the luckiest person in the world, you know the odds are against you. You’re probably going to get pushed to the back, or stampeded, and it’s going to be messy, and you’re going to push, and they’re going to push you back, and your make-up is going to fall apart, or whatever. Is this really worth it?”
“I told you,” you try to sound patient, but the idea of being buffeted away from the stage by a large wave of sweaty bodies causes more discomfort than you had originally anticipated thanks to her colorful and supremely unhelpful description. “If being near the stage doesn’t work out, I’ll wait out back, near the exit, and —“
“Oh yeah, and ambush him. Because you’ll be the only one there, and because that’s totally safe.” She drops the slightly (well, pretty) judgmental tone when she sees your bottom lip quiver. “I’m not… I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to reach out to him. But this doesn’t sound like the best way, _____________. Security is so tight there, and NCT’s security is even more wary. Even if you do manage to get close, what in the world are you going to say?” 
“I— I’ll figure it out once I’m there.” You purse your lips; surely I love you; we’re meant to be together wouldn’t be that hard on your end, but the more important question is: did it sound sane? You didn’t express this doubt, though. Doing so would give your roommate more ammunition to turn back at you; you’d play it by ear when you actually got around to making eye contact with him (if that ever happened at all). And — well, maybe you wouldn’t have to say anything. Maybe, just maybe, this time, he’d remember you.
At that thought, you feel an initial wave of laughter, closely followed by a second, much more painful wave of nausea. Of all the absurd things you could think of, that was probably the most ridiculous. 
“This isn’t a good idea,” she recapitulates, shaking her head. “You know what they do to people who stalk idols and say they’re really going to get married to them, or whatever. You know what they’d call you.”
“But I’m not crazy like that,” you argue.
“I know that, but they don’t know anything about you! You’d be labeled a sasaeng. They’ll probably think you’re one of those girls that sneak into their dorms and sniff their underwear before selling them on the dark side of Taobao through a weird Chinese proxy or something.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” You ball your fists at your side, feeling a little betrayed. Heehyeon, of all people, should be able to understand why you had to do this, even if it was ludicrous. She had remembered you, reached out to you before you could even place her. She’d heard your story, understood that you had been waiting years for this moment, even stopped you on other occasions when you were about to do the same thing you were planning now, saying it wasn’t the right time. “I don’t have any other way of contacting him. I don’t even know if this is going to work, but you know I have to try, and I feel like this is the right time. I have to see him. I have to — I have to be with him. I don’t need your blessing to go, you know.”
There’s a palpable tension hanging over you now, and Heehyeon’s expression has gone mostly unreadable, save for that twinge of worry still present in her gaze. The soft sound of regular, heavy exhales punctuate every few seconds that pass, and you realize a little later that it’s your breathing, which has turned a bit heavy from the energy spent sort-of yelling at your roommate. 
“I know that,” she finally sighs. “I know that, _____________. I just wish you used a different way. Like, a safer, less crazy one.”
“I would use one if there were one.” You frown. “I’m not going to do anything stupid, like attack him. I would never do that.”
She doesn’t say much anymore, opting to watch you instead as you stuff a few more essential things in your bag. A hat. A fan. a bottle of water. Heehyeon had tried to coerce you to buy one of those cheering kits with those slogans, but you didn’t want to waste your money on it, and, truthfully, you didn’t want his name hanging on your walls like some sick reminder in case he rejected you.
“What did you tell your manager?” She asks in a clear attempt to lighten the mood. 
“I told her I was sick. You know she never really asks as long as I find someone to substitute for me,” you sling your bag over your shoulder, standing straighter. “How do I look?” 
“Pretty damn healthy,” she notes. “But also kind of crazy.” 
“I’ll see you tonight, Heehyeon,” you roll your eyes as you make your way out of the room. Before you close the door, she makes one last quick remark.
“Not if I see you on the evening news first!”
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You have to take two buses to get to Sangamsan-ro. Even though the traffic is generally mild, the buses make too many stops and wait too long for old ladies with their fruit baskets and newspapers to get on. The wait is making you anxious, and you think about getting an orange to abate your growing hunger, but you’re also so nervous that you’re sure you’re going to spew it all out onto the bus floor anyway. So, you content yourself with listening to music and fiddling with your fingers in your lap. 
All you have in your phone is NCT’s music. The files were so large that you’d had to delete everything else you used to listen to and a handful of pictures too (mostly selfies that would have never seen the light of day, anyway) just to get them to fit. You used to only listen to the Korean versions, but you’d found all these little nuances in how Mark raps his lines depending on the language, so you’d started listening to the English and Japanese releases too, even though you can’t understand a lick of anything but ‘baby.’ Most of the time, you skip over to the relevant (see: Mark-filled) parts, already having memorized their timestamps to a kind of sick degree. 
It was kind of dumb, and sort of selfish, but you had never really identified yourself as an NCT fan anyway. If you had been an active part of the groups following, people would have probably called you an akgae. You were really only concerned with one member, and it was that member’s voice that filled your ears when you’d plugged your earbuds in and put the volume up.
The first time you’d seen him was in your last year of college. One of your college friends had asked you to accompany them to a Nature Republic outlet downtown. Despite your general lack of interest in make-up at that point in time, you’d gone because she’d promised to buy you a corndog. What you’d gotten instead was a large standee of a handsome guy smiling at you and holding out a pot of aloe vera gel. 
You knew his eyes. Even though his features changed a million times in your memory, you could never mistake his eyes for anyone else’s — soft, warm, brown eyes that you’d stared into for truly an eternity. His were eyes you could never forget, were never allowed to forget. You could remember the millions of times they’d smiled up at you in those past lives you were haunted with, twinkled with mischief and laughter in your presence, borne deep into yours on hot summer nights as you made love. Of all the uncertain things in all of the lives you remembered living, these eyes acted as your anchor. 
You’d almost forgotten you were there with a friend until she’d called out to you, telling you to step inside the shop. Trying to sound disinterested despite the fact that your heart was pounding, you asked who the guy in the standee was. Mark, she’d called him. Mark of NCT. He was an idol, a rapper in one of those up and coming groups that was starting to gain a lot of attention within the general public because of their ‘cool, chic concepts.’ At that information, your heart had fallen into a pool of acid in your stomach. 
Other times were hard, but not this hard. Most of the factors that had kept you or torn you apart were much larger in scale — war, famine, other natural disasters. This, out of all the other times, seemed to be the most difficult; he wasn’t an ordinary man anymore, but a god among men — a god you couldn’t be allowed to approach. You had ditched your friend the moment she’d gotten her change back at the counter, citing a sudden time of the month as the root cause, and dashed out and back to school, sparing only one last glance at the standee. 
You’d been waiting for him for years, carefully looking for any sign of him in the people around you, but you had grown tired and had come to believe that maybe, in this life, you had been set free — that he didn’t exist, and the curse would be over. However, as you pored over each and every teaser, music video, advertisement, and blurry, noise-heavy radio interview you could find even a sliver of his face in, you realized that the curse had come back, and in a much larger force than you could ever imagine. 
You’d stared at your desk for the longest time that day; the sun had dipped out of sight already when you’d sighed yourself out of your trance. It had never been this difficult. Having the Memory was mostly the worst thing ever, but its usual perk was that you could pick him out a little easier, and he was never too far away — nobody you ever knew in your first life ever was. They just kept coming up again and again, running around in little circles throughout time and space, and you recognized them in a way you’ve come to grow familiar with. It’s a tug, sort of like a tickle in your stomach, and you knew then that he was close by. The signal only stopped when you found him, and it usually wasn’t that hard. From there, you were responsible for weaving the same kind of story — one in which you would fall in love, be happy for a period of time, and then… well. 
Heehyeon has the Memory, too. She’d remembered you from a previous life, too, and picked you out of a packed line at a coffee shop, striking up one of the most awkward conversations you’d ever had the displeasure of being a part of because she hadn’t been sure if you remembered her. It was only when she mentioned that you seemed like someone she could be good friends with and that you also seemed like you just happened to like your coffee black with two sugars did you realize that her sudden onslaught of friendliness was a sign she might be like you: unable to forget. She’d actually once asked you if you’d tried just letting him go, and you’d responded with a resolute no. At this point, it was too hard to call him a lost cause, even if he really seemed it. How could you stop loving someone you know you’ve loved for millennia? 
He’s extremely handsome in this life, you’ve noted. Girls were falling all over him, which only made things ten times harder. A couple of years back, some rumors of him dating a labelmate had come up. Heehyeon had talked you through that long night of you clutching tissues in a fist and sobbing about how you didn’t want this anymore, how it was never fair, how every single time you had to find him was just growing more and more difficult until it seemed to reach an impossible arc. But, mostly, you’d cried because you hated the possibility — probably the confirmation — that he didn’t remember you at all. 
You didn’t really expect him to, but you always hoped. Every life, you would approach him, and he would be a clean slate. It was a tiring process, one you wished you weren’t constantly responsible for. Some days, you resented him; how could he live his life carefree, without even the notion that you two were meant to be together? Most days, though, you just longed for him. Him, and a happy ending. 
You let out a sigh as the track changes. His voice greets you again; over time, you’ve noticed it sounding even cooler, more impactful. He’s doing well for himself. And here you are, attempting to make yourself stand out in a pool of fans he probably can’t even see clearly. Nice.
You get to listen to about half of the newly released album before you realize you’re nearing your stop. Sidestepping a couple of baskets of oranges, you make it to the door and dash out. Heehyeon had drawn you a crude map to CJ E&M, and you’d been skeptical of it at first, but you realize now you would have gotten lost and missed the stage long before you got there if you had gone in blind. You’d make sure to thank her when you got back. If you did actually come back in one piece. 
Heehyeon also hadn’t been joking; the line outside looks like it would fill a whole section of Jamsil. You’d heard of the dedication of some of these fans, but you’d never seen it like this, nor had you ever actually been a part of it. Kids were really up at three in the morning in support of NCT. Many of them are probably here specifically in support of Mark, you think. Sure enough, the people you line up behind are holding holographic slogans with the print “Mark-yah!” You swallow hard, trying not to regret your decision not to partake in that. 
It feels like hours before you get even close to the door of the building. The chatter has died down a little, but not by much; even with less people ahead of you, the noise pollution increases in tandem with the excitement in the atmosphere. You’re not excited, though. You’re sick to your stomach, wishing you hadn’t come alone and wondering if you were going to regret this. Probably. Luckily, a couple of teenagers behind you strike up a casual conversation starting with “ah, it’s getting more humid now,” and you take turns complaining about what the weather would probably be like later on in the day before you start talking about NCT. They’re both Jaehyun fans, and you think about whether or not you remember meeting him in a past life. Nothing really rings a bell.
When you tell them you’re here for Mark, they giggle. 
“We know,” they chime. “You’re wearing blue.” 
“It’s his favorite color,” you say, a little defensively. 
“Everyone knows that. Everyone here wearing that ocean blue is a Mark fan. Didn’t he say so once?” They dissolve into laughter again, but you say nothing. Maybe he had said that recently. Then again, his favorite color has always been blue — the color of the sky and the sea he seems to love so much. 
The line grows shorter and shorter, and your ankles feel like they’re starting to swell. You’ve been standing for a good two hours now, and you regret not having bought one of those NCT membership cards that get you up to the front of the line. It’s really no surprise that you, the two Jaehyun fans, and the others in the line behind you are all squished in the back, just like Heehyeon had said you would be. It takes a good twenty minutes before the lights dim down and the stage lights start up, and you hear the buzz that increases in volume right before it becomes a collective deafening shriek from the crowd. The light sticks go up, and you’re momentarily blinded by the large stars that blink NCT in some weird logo form before you get your bearings again. By that time, the members have begun trooping onto the stage in a single file, and you forget your swollen ankles as you tiptoe and crane your head for a better view. 
He’s there, your mind screams. He’s right there. You’ve got a whole crowd in front of you, but he’s right there. 
The Jaehyun fans are losing their mind too; he’s talking, asking them how they found the album and encouraging them to keep supporting it. Typical idol stuff, you assume, but the fans go wild in an attempt to reassure him that they will. They all speak in a line, and you note Mark will be last. When the mic is handed over to him, the fans start screaming again. You feel like you want to yell as well, except you’re not sure if you’ll say something actually coherent that other people will hear. Instead, you tiptoe a little higher, fixing your pretty bad eyesight on his face and perking your ears up. 
“You’re all here so early,” he starts. “How long have you been waiting for us?” 
A flurry of numbers fly across the room. He smiles in this genuinely affectionate way even though his eyes can’t focus on a single person in the dark, and your heart stutters at the sight.
“Do your mothers know you’re here?” He’s teasing now. “You can’t tell them that NCT is the reason you’re not sleeping well, you know. Everyone, make sure that you eat breakfast and rest well before school today, okay?” 
While the crowd screams in response, you let out a little whimper. It’s a weak, pathetic sound, but it essentially sums up how you feel, seeing him like this from so far away. 
The pre-recording starts, but you barely catch anything. You’re too small for this kind of life, and you get so tired of tiptoeing that you actually do try to push your way through the crowd. Of course, this is fruitless, and you end up squatting by the back wall of the room, sipping on your water conservatively and listening to the Jaehyun fans do the chant religiously. 
NCT performs the song two more times before they’re saying their goodbyes. You muster up the energy to stand again and make a beeline for the exit before everyone else can smash their way through. The sun is almost up now; beads of sweat form on the nape of your neck as you round the building, trying to find the indicated spot that Heehyeon had marked as the back exit of CJ E&M. You worry about how you’re in the wrong place for about ten minutes until you see the two Jaehyun fans turning the corner quickly, obviously with the same goal as you: to catch NCT as they leave the building. 
In no time, the fans have gathered at the spot again, and it seems like they’ve multiplied tenfold; the chants are louder and there are girls with gigantic cameras trying to shove you away from the spot. Security from the company camps out in front of you, their gazes shifting from the door to the crowd and back again. 
People around you roar the moment the doorknob turns. Nine of them file out, now in regular clothing, surrounded by their own security. You feel a surge of force behind you, trying to push forward, and someone’s camera lens hits you hard in the side of the face. You barely have time to cry out in surprise, caught in what would have been a scream of pain, when you see him. 
In the growing light, Mark looks like a king. No — like a god, actually. Everything on his face shines even when minimal sunlight strikes it; his teeth help, too, brightening his face as his mouth hangs open in an easy laugh. He’s talking to Doyoung and has to face him, his sharp jawline being the first thing anyone can see from that perspective, and it’s that angle that creates all these alarms in your head. 
For some reason, you’ve blocked out the noise around you. Even the pain from the camera lens attack isn’t bothering you as much anymore; you feel like you’re in an aquarium, and all the screams are on the other side of the glass. Your vision tunnels; all you can see is him. 
You’d promised Heehyeon you wouldn’t do anything stupid. Again and again, she’d asked you and drilled you and reminded you that you weren’t supposed to do anything that would get you into trouble. Even with those promises you’d made, she’d still doubted you. Later, when you’d tell her this story, she’d roll her eyes and yell I told you so!, because, well, she did tell you. And, when you’d look at it in retrospect, you’d see that you should have listened. 
Right now, though, you’re walking. Somehow, the camera lens that had attacked you had turned its gaze onto much more important targets; the guard stationed in front of you grunted in pain and reflexively retracted his hand after the lens made contact with it. It wasn’t a long movement, but it was enough for you to be pushed forward by the crowd. Enough to get your feet moving. 
Other fans had stopped trying to break through; though many were still hysterical, most were trying to take pictures of the members as they climbed into the van. One by one, they were disappearing before your eyes. No, you thought to yourself. Your chest tightened. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you think that the noise behind you has gotten much louder. Not now. He hasn’t seen me yet. Not yet, please. 
You don’t realize that your feet have picked up the pace, and you’ve broken into a short sprint before the building security could catch you. It’s too late; he can’t leave his post, and he only has to hope that NCT’s staff are well-equipped to fend off a running girl. They are, but they’re too busy helping the members that they’re caught unaware — just long enough for you to be within an arm’s reach of them. 
Mark is almost in the van; he’s caught off-guard, too, and he doesn’t realize that something’s not right until you’re already there. Security grabs his arm and tries to tug him out of your reach and into the van at the same time that a strong hand grapples at the back of your shirt. Doyoung, who had been by Mark’s side, tries to use his arms to shield you from his friend when he realizes who you are targeting, yelling out something you can’t really understand. 
It’s a ten-second long struggle of limbs in which you hear your own “Let go of me!” harmonize perfectly with Mark’s frantic “What the —?” Somehow, though, you’re able to fight through Doyoung’s arms and grip Mark’s wrist with a sweaty palm. The contact causes him to turn back reflexively, eyes wide in shock. 
His eyes. God, please, won’t he recognize me? Your fingers close around his wrist a little more tightly. Your mouth is dry, and your throat is on fire. You’re wasting precious time. You only manage out a weak, “Please, Mark, it’s me,” before he’s twisting his wrist away. The arm that gripped your shirt moves to lock around your waist, and you’re hauled, empty-handed, away from the van. Awareness you’d lost slowly trickles back into you. The crowd isn’t screaming at the members now; they’re screaming at you. They’re angry. As you’re dragged away, you vaguely note that the Jaehyun fans you were with are fuming behind the security guards still keeping them in place. 
The security guard that carried you off like a rag doll plants you in front of him, and he lets go of your waist but still keeps his grip tight around both your forearms, which have been twisted behind you. You have no choice but to watch from afar as the members drag Mark into the van, looks of concern etched across their faces. They ask him if he’s hurt, and he shakes his head. Right before the door closes, he quickly glances back at you. Your heart sinks for the second time today as you see something in his eyes you’d never seen before. 
Fear. Mark is afraid of you.
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poichanchan · 2 years
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Hiii, someone relatively new to the phandom having just played through p5r, but can I ask how the swap au premise works? I'm curious what your own takes might be on how the situations for both joker and akechi happened to lead for them to be on opposite sides in comparison to the game! I tried to look it up a bit, but there's a lot of different headcanons, but I love your concepts so much I wanted to see if you had any particular thoughts on the setting :3
Hiiiii welcome to p5 brainrot jail haha! (genuinely though, welcome and im happy you enjoyed p5r!) Everyone has their take on swapAU, I specifically wanted to play with the idea of Goro and Akira swapping their ROLES ONLY.
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In my AU Goro Akechi is still the son of Shido who is largely out of his life. Goro's life is a mess, his moms in rehab, and he is sent to Tokyo on probation (to his mother's friend Muhen the owner of JazzJin). I've adjusted Goro's life just enough to have him keep his childish love for justice. He finds his found family in the PT. Goro is a Snarky, whole, intelligent, a little mean, energetic, gets flustered, but also is passive and observant when he needs to be. HIS ROUGH LIFE MADE HIM GRUFF AND HONEST BUT HE ISNT JADED. Akira hates how shallow and transactional his life is. He has his awakening, ends up on Shido's radar via the research group he has in place to explore and exploit the metaverse. Akira's parents probably work around the research team somewhere and didn't think too hard about what they were getting their son into... a mix of negligence and wanting to get more opportunities as a family/bootlick. From there he has his forced 2nd awakening and gets ensnared in Shido's conspiracy. There is a lot of resentment in his life because of this, and when he is faced with Goro's existence, the literal SON OF SHIDO WHO HAS THE SAME POWERS yet life turned out so different for him because their roles are swapped its terrible. Akira is also very good at adapting to who he talks to like in canon. He is good at socializing and charming, thus the detective prince facade becomes a thing to help him gain access to deeper levels of mementos blah blah blah
Akira is also rationalizing a lot, he is seeing himself weeding corrupt people out, a hero getting hands dirty and sacrificing self for greater good. The metaverse is his stage. And he is THE showman. Detective prince Akira is more sweeping/showy/charismatic/flirty, his joker vibe comes through more normally. APART from the resentment Akira has for seeing Goro live his life the way he does, the resounding ITS NOT FAIR he feels in his heart, he also reeeeeally want the stupid phantom thieves to 'cherish your normalcy. stop messing with my plan. how fucking naive do you have to be to think THIS is justice?' COLD SEETHING FOCUSED FURY FROM AKIRA Its such a mess lol But i think hit Akira in the places that would make him play out the detective prince and Black mask bits without losing too much of his own flavor. His rationalizing is important, otherwise i felt he would feel the moral conflict harder and withdraw instead of being showy and sweeping. Also for their social links i have thoughts, i think detective Akira's special place would not be... jazzjin. I think he would drop by like canon Akechi drops by Leblanc, but nothing more. I have in mind a place up high at a height, something like the Shibuya Sky observation deck as a place he personally visits often to reflect and stare at the massive view of the city from. It felt right to have him up there looking down alone but comforted by it. Plus eventually share the view with Goro who he sees as this actual fated rival for all the reasons above. Their outfits are the way they are because i did not want to change them too severely in colorpallette or essence but wanted to play up some parts of their personality and represent it in the outfits. AND BECAUSE THIS IS A SHUAKESHU BLOG I NEED TO STRESS THAT because they are less jaded, because Akira is bolder and flirtier and Goro is more stubbornly optimistic about this dark world akira sees, they get closer alot faster, which makes the whole black mask and interrogation room bit very messy/
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added pix to make post spicier THIS IS A MASSIVE POST BUT IM GLAD YOU ASKED BECAUSE I DUMPED MY THOUGHTS IN ONE PLACE FINALLY. there are some other things ive thought out a tiny bit, like hobbies etc but i put them down later when ive developed it more etc @ anyone reading, thank u for reading and these are my personal thoughts i am thingying to entertain myself!!!!! dont be mean to me thanks ;v;
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thought--bubble · 1 month
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Taking a little breaky break
This is just a heads up for my small little group of people on here. I have come to call my friends. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to be taking a much needed respite from tumblr and probably discord, too. I am feeling lost, sad,overwhelmed, and confused.
I know it sounds silly or whatnot, but all of this stuff is overwhelming and depressing, and I feel sick when I open this app at this point.
The best word to use, I guess, would be winded, maybe?
I joined Tumblr in Sept 23, and at first, it was really fun, a much needed escape from my daily never-ending list of crap to do.
I unfortunately learned how crazy this fandom can get early on and the hard way. I had hoped that that was just a one-off due to my newbie ignorance and took it as a lesson learned for myself.
But it's starting to feel like the drama never fucking stops. It just keeps going, and nice people, kind people, just get dragged and ridiculed for seemingly no reason. I will pathetically admit that I am a sensitive soul, and the things I've read and seen have seriously negatively affected me.
When people are catty regarding people they don't like or that don't like them, I can usually reconcile that to a particular degree. People are, in fact, people. Not everyone is going to vibe with everyone, and people will make jokes at others' expense, and it isn't exactly mature, but it happens.
That is what I expected when I heard this was coming. Some catty shit slinging between people who don't like each other.
But that isn't all this was, and I'm having a really hard time with that. I even thought, "Oh maybe some moderately rude jokes here and there where you know cultural differences and stuff could account for that" like I'm from the northeast and we can be harsh out here. So something that may be offensive to someone from another area may be looked at here just as a joke made in poor taste.
I know I myself have made jokes or whatnot, but you would think certain things would be off limits.
I thought I could combat the negative with positives. Silly jokes, little messages filled with love, but even that isn't working at this point.
My heart hurts, and my brain hurts.
And all this stuff has made me question myself. I had a block list a mile long for the longest time. Filled predominantly with people I had never spoken to because I was scared, nervous, I didn't want to accidentally interact with a post of someone who would be upset that I did, I unfollowed blogs I liked based on this same principle. I just desperately did not want to make someone mad or uncomfortable and find myself back in some weird mean anon tornado.
I tried to sus out who would be bothered by my presence and who wouldn't. I can't even know if my thoughts on who may or may not be upset by me were based on my paranoia or a perception i developed or was potentially affected by outside sources.
Now, i just don't know what the hell is going on.
Sorry for the word vomit. Just wanted to be honest. There are some of us out here who are just standing around with question marks over our heads.
Maybe it's because I wasn't here for a lot of that other weirdness. Maybe it's because of early events that shaped my experience on this app, but I for sure 100% need a break.
I'm an odd duck and love this app mostly because it's the only site I've seen where others actively fan-girl over my favorite Ewan character.
But right now, not even my love for Will can keep me on this app, and for those who know me, that's truly saying something.
This post is not meant to badmouth anyone at all. Honestly at this point I couldn't bad mouth anyone because I'm fucking lost on who anyone really is or how they really feel about things, dude I'm just plain lost.
Thank you to those who have been kind. My apologies to those I may have judged or assumed things about based on who the hell knows.
I hope that when I come back, I can open this app without yet another person that I like having a post of them being torn apart. Or a post of a story that I had heard being told in a completely different way and throwing me for a complete loop.
For now I am going to watch Will edits on TikTok and maybe read via Ao3.
Love and healing vibes to all.
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