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translightyagami · 4 years

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James “translightyagami/avoidfilledwithcelluloid” Death Note Fic Masterlist

Hello to all you guys out there. Here is my full masterlist of allllll the Death Note fanfic I’ve written: There are over 120 fics contained within this entire list. I’m going to split it up by chapter fics, one-shot fics, short fic compilations, and gift fics I’ve done for fandom exchanges. The descriptions will tell you what the pairings are (mostly Lawlight, but there’s other stuff too). There are several posts of mine that are loosely defined fic, but I won’t be adding those in this post as they are just … hard to organize lol.

Fics are marked with E if they have explicit content and T if there are textual references to transgender characters. Chapter fics are marked as either complete or currently incomplete. Okay! Here we go!

[UPDATED 11/20/2021]

CHAPTER FICS

sit and stay awhile https://archiveofourown.org/works/31032719 complete Light has a fantasy of sitting in L’s lap, and he’s got a plan to make that a reality.

the art of ink and flowers https://archiveofourown.org/works/35106943 currently incomplete, E, T Light needs an apprentice and thinks he's found the perfect one in young firecracker Mello. Now to deal with Mello's uncle, the strange, mysterious, and - oops! - super hot florist Ryuzaki, who doesn't want his nephew near a tattoo parlor. What could possibly go wrong?

i could write it (better than you ever felt it) https://archiveofourown.org/works/13913043 currently incomplete Light works in the To-Oh university library, where he meets his favorite romantic mystery author, Eraldo Coil, who later reveals himself to be the great detective L. Through the course of their working together to solve a crime, Light finds he might have feelings for L and those feelings might be shared by the detective novelist.

your heart is an empty cup https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027707 currently incomplete Light is the assistant manager of a Starbucks in NYC, and L is one of his most annoying customers. When L accuses Light (correctly) of being Kira, as well as mysteriously asking for his help on a different case, the barista has to decide if he’s ready to get in bed with the enemy – maybe even literally.

the forest holds strange creatures https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442660 complete, E, T Light, a paranormal research grad student, comes to a small town trying to find a mysterious cryptid. He finds L, a 10-foot-tall tree creature, who helps Light discover the greatest cryptid of all: love. The only reason this one is in the chapter fic section is because it includes a Halloween special chapter with the intro of Beyond Birthday into the cryptid AU.

At Your Service https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229524 complete, E, T The Yagami family owns the sprawling, exclusive Hotel Kitsune where all sorts of international espionage agents make their temporary home. That includes the great detective L, whose romantic tension with Light comes to a boiling point when he comes to stay after a long absence.

best practices https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113519 complete, E, T Light has been working his way to the top of the corporate ladder thanks to his own hard work, and his more-than-close relationship with L, the company CEO and founder’s son. Their relationship comes to a head when L challenges Light to open himself up, making him vulnerable to showing the true depth of what he feels for L and his own desire to explore sexual power dynamics.

ONE-SHOT FICS

tell me the truth https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592320 E, T Light and Matsuda hit up a bar after work, and then Light hits up Matsuda for sex, praise, and a distraction from the deep emptiness inside him.

constricting https://archiveofourown.org/works/13721580 E, T Light breaks L’s favorite tea cup in their kitchen, and L eats him out because he loves his husband so much.

tell me I’m good https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986861 E In the middle of the night, L receives a drunk call from Light, hiding in the bathroom at a party. The call, turning from desperate to horny, reveals more about Light than L wanted to know.

if at first you don’t succeed https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119816 E, T Light gave his first blow job and accidentally bit L on the dick. He tries to make up for his mistake by trying again.

let me work on you https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884799 E, T As the result of losing bet to him, Light has to be L’s computer desk – naked and laying over his boyfriend’s lap. Of course, when L gives him another sexy challenge, Light can’t help but rise to the occasion.

alterations https://archiveofourown.org/works/17945957 E, T Light comes to visit his boyfriend Mikami at his fancy law office and suggests they have sex there. When Mikami reacts unfavorably, Light has to do damage control, and it smarts a lot more than he expected.

lizard https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552499 E, T Light meets a beefcake guy at a bar on the anniversary of L’s death, and lets him take him home (Lizard is my death note OC, and the fic was a wonderful commission from @queerical)

Buried Alive https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705540 L and Light live together in L’s underground bunker after the apocalypse scorches the Earth. They watch some VHS tapes and do some gardening.

Our Little Secret https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822881 E After getting his memories, his freedom, back, Light wants to give L a gift: Kira tied up at his mercy. But L isn’t so sure if that gift is the one he really wants.

The Light of the Moon https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052722 E, T L is a vampire and accidentally bites Light, who is haunted by dreams that make him question why he wants L to bite him again (and maybe … something more …)

little animals https://archiveofourown.org/works/26829778 E Light and his werewolf boyfriend L fuck in their backyard garden.

Change OR the one where L and Light get married https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748159 E, T A gift/commish fic for @ohgodplsdontlook. Six years after the Kira case closes, L and Light go have a wedding in the mansion where L spent his childhood summers. They bring the Yagami family, their baggage, and vows to share each other’s secrets.

a divine power https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018197 E L has a particular power that has helped him get confessions from even the most hardened, tight-lipped criminals, and he offers to use this power on Light to get an honest answer to the question "Are You Kira?" Not really believing L's power is real (and also smelling an easy way to lie his way out of being caught) Light agrees to submit to this bizarre investigative power - not realizing that L is about to make him a *very* honest man. (TL;DR, L has a Magic Cock That Makes Anyone He Fucks Fall in Love With Him AU.)

Possession https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232294 E After being killed by his family for being Kira, Light makes a deal with the demon L to get back to the mortal realm - a very, very sexy deal.

24-Hour Gym https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415480 After the yellow warehouse goes (mortally) in their favor, Light and Mikami frequent the same 24-hour gym. Eventually, after seeing all his work out skills, Light asks Mikami if he can bench press *Kira*.

Fantasy of a Fantasy https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729685 E, T While monitoring the Yagami family home for suspicious activity, L catches Light getting off to a dirty magazine and projects what he thinks his main suspect's fantasies might be.

the chains that bind us https://archiveofourown.org/works/32051299 E, T Obligatory post-Yotsuba arc fic where Light is released from the handcuffs, and wants desperately to be back in bondage with L. Features a very creative use of the handcuff chain.

Kept https://archiveofourown.org/works/33334282 E, T Omegaverse AU where Light cooks up a horny evil scheme so that L won’t throw him in jail, and also lets him get that alpha lovin’ he so desires.

so glad you’re home https://archiveofourown.org/works/33977605 E, T L returns from a solo case and he and Light have a purr-fect homecoming together - including some spanking, cat ears, and a shower of sappy affection.

SHORT FIC COMPLIATIONS

hand in unlovable hand https://archiveofourown.org/works/15025058 E Okay so I’ve been answering Tumblr askbox prompts for over 2 years now, and this? This is ALL of the Lawlight fics. There are over 70 Lawlight fics in this compilation, with all the nsfw fics marked as such. Here are somethings you’ll find in this horde: an AU where L is fat; dirty talk; ghost sex; phone calls about buying a house; early morning tea; kissing; spanking; bondage; L’s hair being brushed; and much, much more. If you have wished for a particular type of Lawlight fic, it is probably in this bunch.

Containing Multitudes https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570645 E Like i said, I’ve been answering all types of Tumblr prompts. These are all the multi-pairing fics that are not Lawlight. In over 20 fics, you’ll find Mikalight, Light/Misa, Misa/Takada, Misa/Rem, Light/Namikawa, Beyond/Light, Light/Matsuda, and even a few ones with Light and my DN OC Lizard. All nsfw fics are marked as such.

hereditary https://archiveofourown.org/works/17159354 All the Tumblr prompt fics I wrote specifically about the Yagami Family. About 4 fics long, includes a really nice couple of Sayu and Light sibling sadness fics.

bottom shelf erotica https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899706 E These are the 5 fics that I wrote to fill Death Note kinkmeme prompts. They are few frills, dirty, sloppy, all bottom Light smut fics. Also, since I didn’t want to give myself away on kinkmeme they’re all cis stuff. (because really who else would have been throwing trans smut up there?)

something between us (anyway) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30304620 T, E a slowly updating collection of 10 tumblr fic requests I received for the pairings of lawlight and (my DN OC) lizard/light, covering prompts including omegaverse, coffee shop AU, sexy lingerie, and much, much more.

kinktober 2021 https://archiveofourown.org/works/34235686 E, T updated each saturday of Oct. 2021, these five fics all revolve around lawlight and specific kinky prompts.

GIFT EXCHANGE FICS

your father’s son https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115568 T A Secret Shinigami 2018 gift for AbbodonAbandon. Light and Soichiro have a talk about why Light quit the tennis team. Lots of trans shit in here.

in your shoes https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405516 E A Sexy Enquirer 2019 gift for @pashmina-dhaage. L is a professor who is having a quiet relationship with one of his grad students, Light. When he sees Light through his office window stepping in mud, L rushes to give him the shoes off his feet.

wash it out https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405648 A Sexy Enquirer 2019 gift for @complicatedmerary. Mikami and Light, a pianist and violinist respectively with the same opera company, are carrying on a passionate affair while Light remains married to the opera’s soprano, Misa.

Thank you for Reading, Commenting, and Being Nice to Me About My Silly Fic!

#me me me #subtextual #death note #lawlight #my fic #death note fanfiction #woof! okay!#i know i'm posting at the worst time #but i'm gonna pin this so everyone can see

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janaeekook · 4 years

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Incapable i. || {myg}

“You cant love Min Yoongi, he doesn’t know how to love. Or care for that matter. You’ll just end up getting hurt.”

pairing: assassin!yoongi x reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: - mafia - death - masterbation -

series masterlist

prologue.

It was your 16th birthday when your father and your older brother Namjoon told you everything — their affiliation and leading of the largest mafia gang in Seoul. You always knew your family was wealthy, that's what you were raised knowing. But you never knew that for your family to obtain it's wealth, the two most important men in your life would go out and risk their lives every night in criminal activities.

You hadn't believed them at first, thinking it was just some prank, a wild joke. The idea of them having a gang made your stomach twist in knots. You had always been your fathers little girl, you saw him as your knight and shinning armor, slaying the dragons of your bad dreams.

Since that day you received vigorous training. Intelligence gathering, undercover and stealth missions, trades; organized crime soon became your life. You were endowed to it, you saw a lot of horrible things, things that never sat right with you, but it all became a twisted new normal to you. The only jobs you refused are to take someone’s life, for you fear your soul may never recover.

When you were eighteen, your father had decided to retire. Leaving the legacy of Bangtan Sonyeondan to your brother. Many of the older members went with your father leaving it fully in the hands of the youth they'd spent years training.

Now you're 21, and head of intelligence. After your father left, you and your brother purchased a new estate in the countryside which served as base camp. The extravagant building was large enough to be considered a castle with its different wings. The west wing was for the higher ups, there was 8 of you in total and you all kept business booming with your varying talents.

Namjoon was very clearly the leader, the true business man, he handled transactions and bigger things along with interigation.

Kim Seokjin, or Jin— was your brothers right hand and the more ruthless of the two, he hated conflict between members and he also specialized in interigation.

Min Yoongi; a cold assassin who never really said much just got the job done without fail, it's quick and painless, he said the screams annoy him.

Jung Hoseok, he deals mainly with illegal substance transactions. He's a sadist in his work, something you'd never guess.

Kim Taehyung, the brains; he is the eyes and ears of every operation and he's just a plain genius when it comes to the plans. He's usually the one to stay at the base camp watching monitors that display cameras he's hacked.

Jimin works along side you in intelligence. He's a complete flirt. He specializes is hand to hand, He may look small but he could take you down in a second.

Jungkook is your arms man, he handles all the weapons, he loves his guns and he's an incredible shot, he never misses a target.

Lastly there's you, head of intelligence, gathering information on enemies, often working close with Jimin. You're also an amazing shot and can be found sniping with Jungkook and Yoongi.

The east wing, on the other hand, housed many of your henchmen; the army. They were not to be trifled with, They were trained to kill. They are the most loyal followers, that's why Bangtan is on top, some even said if they died protecting the 8 they would have fulfilled their duties. They were willing to die for you and the others.

Loyalty is very important, it's drilled into their heads from the first day of training to their last breath. They all take an oath of trust and they devote their lives to Bangtan. Once an army, always an army.

•

"Y/n, can you hear me?" Taehyungs voice came through your earpiece.

"Ya." You spoke quietly as you sat at a booth in a stuffy little downtown bar.

"Ok, he's the one at the bar wearing the red suit, you should make your move now." You nodded and stood from the booth, making your way to the bar and next to the crimson clothed man.

"One Jack Daniels please." The bar tender nodded, you sat on the stool next to the man. You could feel his eyes raking your body.

"What's a pretty young thing like you doing here all alone?" His voice was thick with a Russian accent.

"My boyfriend dumped me." The bar tender slid you the drink and you took a large sip. The man continued to ogle you in wonder. He was not an attractive man, he resembled a drowned rat with his hair all greased back.

"He's quite unwise to leave such a beautiful woman." You looked to his face, scanning it before bringing a fake smile to your lips.

"You think I'm beautiful?" You asked feigning shock.

"Incredibly." His hand moved to your knee, his rat-like face forming the most unpleasant smirk. You took another sip of the strong whiskey before looking back into his beady eyes.

"Hmm." You bit you lip, which came off sexual but you were really trying not to gag, "What do you say we get out of here?" You stood from the stool, grabbing his hand. He pulled money from his pocket and placed it on the counter before standing.

You led him through the chorus of drunk people dancing, weaving your way to the door where Jin waited on the other side. They were hidden from view as you stepped into the cold night air with the rat man following close behind you. The way his eyes wandered your body, mentally undressing you, made you feel uncomfortable.

"I can't wait to see this body." He spoke lowly, placing a calloused hand on your hip. You grabbed the hand before twisting it behind his back and pushing him to the ground, you held one hand behind his back and the other you held to the concrete with your knee.

"What the fuck!?" He groaned, struggling in your grasp.

Hallow footsteps clicked along the pavement as Jin walked up, a cigarette between his the nimble fingers of his right hand, his other hand grasped a black cane that had a gold skull on top. He had injured his leg on a mission a few years ago and it never healed the same, but the cane made him all the more intimidating.

"W-what do you want?" The Russian man inquired from his position on the ground as he looked up to Jin who had placed the end of his cane to his throat.

"I want you to tell me what your boss is planning, and why you're in Seoul." Jin spoke calmly but the intensity and seriousness of his voice would make anyone cower in fear.

"I-I" He stuttered then Jin pushed his cane harder onto the mans throat and You tightened your hold, "Ok! Ok— we're working with another gang." Jins eyes narrowed.

"Who?"

"I-I don't know h-he wouldn't tell us! I'll do anything to prove it to you, I'll work as a spy!" The man crumbled after only seconds of Jins cold stare, the chuckle that bubbled from his throat was just as cold.

"You see, trust and loyalty is very important to me, and you crumbled under the slightest pressure. I hate men like you, cowardly, weak, you could never be one of us." Jin then walked away, you quickly stood and followed after Jin, the rat man scrambled to his feet.

"You whore! You played me! You're already someone's dirty bitch!" The man spoke to you and you just smiled viciously at him.

"It's just part of the game sweetheart." You turned walking away to the car with Jin.

"You're not even worth my time you tramp!" He called out, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yoongi." you heard him hum through your earpiece and a deafening shot rang out, the cold lifeless sound of body meeting pavement, and then silence.

•

The car pulled up in-front of the mansion. You exited the car followed by Jin and ascended the steps to the front doors, the guards on either side bowed to us.

Pushing the door open, you went inside, kicking off your heels instantly. The 4 others sat in the foyer to your left, discussing plans.

"I'm gonna change." You told Jin quickly heading up the left staircase and to your bedroom. You pealed the dress from your body, before tugging your sweatpants on and a long sleeve shirt. Hair tied back in a bun, you headed back out and down to the others.

You plopped down next to Jungkook, he looked to you and smiled, that smile of his never seemed to match his aura, or the array of tattoo's that covered his golden skin. Everyone began talking about random stuff and the mission. The muffled sound of a motorcycle outside told you all that Yoongi had arrived.

When the door opened and he appeared in everyone's view his face visually upset, but You could never really tell. He wore all black and held a full face helmet in his hand, a scar ran over his right brow and extended to his cheek. Your stomach fluttered when his tongue poked at the inside of his cheek. Your relationship toward Yoongi had always been strictly business, though your attraction to him grew, he was painfully attractive.

"Thanks for leaving the body to me." He spoke sourly his gaze directed towards Jin. He sat on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, his cane leaned on the couch next to him. Jin only chuckled at the younger man.

"It's your job." Jin held a fake smile upon his face, he stood using his good leg before grabbing his cane.

"Sure pin it on me." Yoongi spoke, Jins intimidating smile stayed on his face as he stepped closer to the other boy.

"I know you're not trying to start anything right Yoongi? You know how much I hate it."

He scoffed, "Whatever." He turned and headed up the stairs. Jin just sighed and went back to his original seat. Your eyes followed Yoongi as he disappeared up the stairs, You wanted to follow him but you knew he'd just shut you out.

You laid in bed that night, unable to dodge the thoughts of him. You groaned rolling onto your side and tried to lull yourself to sleep, it was no use your body longed for his hands all over you -- but your mind told you it wouldn't be wise to try to love someone who was so emotionally absent. But was he really?

Your mind and body were deeply contrasting one another, the allure he had; both nothing and something. It called you forth to let him break you, but your morals pulled you back as the dark aura also pushed you away. You chewed at your cheek as your mind was running rampant. Your imagination beginning to take hold the scenarios swirling through your headspace, bringing you into a daydream like state as your mind played out what your mind had thought of sending your cheeks ablaze.

"What do you want me to do princess?" It was Yoongi, he had your daydream self pinned between himself and a wall.

"Touch me." Your voice a pitiful whine as you begged for his hands, he smirked sensing how needy you were, and it was all his doing. Well dream Yoongi of course.

"Where?" He asked, your words failed to exist in your mouth so you grabbed his veiny hand, guiding the strong appendage between your legs. You hadn't realized you were fully naked in this scenario, but you didn't care as his hand began to explore you, treating you like some toy.

Your eyes shot open, not being able to face the crude scene any longer, Your room felt as if it were on fire, your clothes becoming unbearable as they stuck to your skin. Your mind had somehow found its way to the side of your body, running a mile-a-minute with thoughts of Yoongi and different ways his hands could pleasure you. Your face was bright red, You were thinking of extremely sexual situations about someone who probably saw your relationship as otherwise platonic. You groaned, feeling your core throb as more thoughts invaded your mind. You had grown incredibly hot and bothered you couldn't take it, you went to the bathroom starting a shower in hopes to cool down your bodies rising temperature.

The water ran down your body, as you stood under the steady streams unmoving. You shook your head, rubbing your hands over your face, as your mind wandered to the idea of him fucking you against the shower wall. You felt dizzy as you grew more aroused as you thought of the man only doors down from you. You groaned before taking in a shaky breath, you brought your hand to yourself, eyes fluttering shut as you finally did what your body begged for.

It was slow at first as you rubbed small circles over that familiar bundle of nerves, your mind wandering back to the idea of him fucking you senseless in the shower. You bit your lip before pressing your back against the cool tile, lifting your leg to rest it on the shower bench next to you, allowing your hands perfect access to every sensitive part of you. You pushed a finger past your entrance, quickly accompanying it with another. You imagined it was him, his experienced hands touching you, getting you off.

Your small noises concealed by the water hitting the shower floor, you quietly moaned his name as you silently wished it was his cock inside you. Your legs began shaking as you drew closer to your orgasm, you threw your head back in pure bliss the tension finally unraveling in your stomach-- and it was Yoongi's name on your lips, the last word you spoke as you rode out your high.

You quickly cleaned your now relieved body and your sweat ridden hair, before finally exiting the shower. You collapsed on your bed, drifting off into a dreamless sleep, relief and satisfaction running through your veins.

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xbladekitkat85 · 3 years

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Do You Remember Now?

Summary: It's Peter's birthday and everyone is planning on a surprise when he wakes up. Except there's a huge problem. Peter's gone missing.

Word count: 4k+

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, swearing, ANGST, mentions of dealing with grief.

A/N: I haven't really written angst before so I don't know how hard it's going to hit. I did tear up at one part while typing so maybe it's a bit heavy???

Peter's disappearance happened when everyone least expected it. It was the morning of his birthday, and all the heroes of the universe were going to be there. It would have been the first reunion in over 5 years where everyone was available to come, Asgardians and Guardians as well. Everyone was going to sneak into Peter's room to wake him up with a collective shout of "SURPRISE!" and pop an unnecessary amount of party poppers all over the room.

Tony peeked inside first to make sure that Peter was still asleep before beckoning everyone inside. But he felt a cold draft flowing from the crack between the door and the doorframe that shouldn't have been possible due to the picture windows.

He entered the room to find the window cut open and various items belonging to Peter scattered on the floor. There was no sign of Peter himself and the excited feeling that Tony had all morning quickly twisted into something he had felt only when Pepper had been taken years ago by Killian.

It was the feeling of debilitating fear.

Tony felt a wave of nausea hit him as various scenarios all ran through his head, each with Peter hurt, scared, or possibly even dead.

Pepper was the first to notice Tony hadn't come to get everyone. He came out of Peter's room after a few minutes more of waiting. But he wasn't acting like the excited father he was only moments before.

"Tony, what's wrong?" She asked, feeling anxiety building up with each second of silence.

Tony turned to look at everyone with a haunted look in his eyes. Pepper recognized it as the same expression he had when he had returned from space after fighting Thanos. Something was horribly wrong, and it had to do with Peter.

"Tony, talk to me. What's happening." Pepper asked gently despite the worry she felt.

"Peter's not there." He whispered hoarsely and turned to look at her. "Pep, we can't lose him again."

Morgan, Carter and Harley had heard what Tony said and they all felt a sharp stab of fear and worry. Morgan felt tears burning in her eyes, and buried her face in Carter's shoulder for a moment to compose herself. Carter held her close and stroked her hair while Harley walked into Peter's room to see it for himself.

Harley looked around the entire space. He checked the closet, the hammock near the ceiling, and the bathroom adjacent to Peter's room to no avail.

"FRIDAY, show me the tower's security activity from 11pm last night up until dad opened Peter's door." Harley requested.

But to everyone's shock, there was no familiar response of, "Sure thing boss." from the speakers throughout the tower.

FRIDAY was out of commission. That meant that somebody had been able to shut down an AI made by Tony Stark, which is no easy feat. This meant someone skilled was behind it and most likely planned the kidnapping with extreme scrutiny.

Nothing about the situation was remotely close to how everyone thought this day was going to go.

"We need to get Friday back online ASAP." Morgan shakily said. "If we are able to access the security cameras, there's a chance we might be able to find a clue."

Carter glanced at Morgan and saw the pain and worry in her eyes, and gently took her hand and squeezed it to reassure her. She squeezed it back to acknowledge his presence.

"Morgan, Harley, and Carter, come with me to my lab. Nat, you reach out to any contacts who may know something. Carol, this is a long shot, but I want you to ask off world allies if they have any clues as well." Tony ordered. "Everyone else start looking around the tower for clues of any sort. If you see anything remotely suspicious, make a note of it."

*Time skip*

Nobody had been able to find a trace of a clue regarding Peter's whereabouts.

Not any of Tony's extensive connections had an idea. Natasha's contacts hadn't heard any chatter about a kidnapping or hostage. Carol came up empty from every person she had asked but that wasn't unexpected.

Morgan had been back to school and Carter was supportive whenever she needed reassurance. But after a month of no news, or leads, she was starting to lose the little hope she had left. Peter would promise her before every mission, that he would come home safe and sound. But this time he hadn't come home. She didn't even know where he had gone.

Harley became fixated on building tracking devices, scanners, homing beacons, anything that could help find his brother. Harley had promised to always help Peter if he was in a pinch, regardless of how annoying he could be sometimes.

Tony had shut himself in his lab to fix FRIDAY and go through everything he could think of that could offer some sort of sign, a clue, a word, literally anything to bring Peter back home. He had invented time travel to bring him back so why couldn't he do something as simple as finding a clue? Peter would probably point out an error in his work that would solve his problem but now that wasn't possible.

Pepper busied herself by concentrating on running Stark Industries. Whenever she got the chance, she would drag Tony and Harley out of their labs to eat meals with her. God knows those two would forget to eat if nobody reminded them that food and water was an essential part of living. Peter would usually take care of that but since his disappearance, she took up the job.

Everyone felt a piece of their family was missing. But nobody said his name out loud, even though everyone thought about him.

It just hurt too much to hear his name knowing that by now he was likely dead. That he was never coming home.

And time would continue to pass, as the pain of losing Peter would too.

Until one day, on a mission, everything changed.

*6 months after Peter's disappearance*

HYDRA had suddenly resurfaced with no warnings whatsoever.

They had set off Tony's alert system designed to warn of threats, and a group immediately suited up. Having HYDRA stirring up trouble was never a good sign, especially since they were supposed to be gone. But as the saying goes, "Cut one head off, two more take it's place."

The team that had gone to check out the threat consisted of the original 6 Avengers as well as Harley, Bucky, Kate, and Wanda. Upon arriving at the location that had set off the alarm, they noticed that another group of people were there as well. One person among them in particular stood out to the OG Avengers. Before anyone could make a move, all the Avengers were suddenly knocked down, and tied up so they couldn't move.

"Hey, I found these guys lurking around. Who are they?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

"Yo-Yo, you can let them go. We're friends. Well, at least most of us are, those three I haven't met. It's alright."

All the OG 6 Avengers felt a cold shock run through their bodies. That voice belonged to someone they thought was dead since the Battle of New York.

"Agent Coulson?" Tony asked in shock.

"It's former Director actually and yes, I'm alive." Coulson replied, as everyone was untied by Yo-Yo.

"There's no way." Natasha said as she stood up. "Fury would have said something sooner. And when were you Director of SHIELD?"

"I'm sorry, Nat, but he meant to keep it a secret from all of you. Me being resurrected." Coulson said with regret in his voice. "Said that if you knew, it would have distracted you from your goal."

"Steve, who is this guy?" Bucky asked in confusion.

Coulson's eyes widened in a very comical way when he noticed who had just spoken.

"Sergeant Barnes. It's an honor to meet you." He said, holding out a hand to shake.

Bucky took Coulson's hand to shake and noticed that his hand was not a real hand.

"Your hand... It's mechanical isn't it?" Bucky asked curiously.

"How much has happened with you since we last saw each other?" Steve asked.

"A lot. And we'll talk about it later after we take care of this HYDRA base. I assume that's why you're all here." Coulson said, gesturing to the other group.

"Yes, well, let's introduce the new members of our teams and then make a plan." Steve said.

Coulson informed his team of the change of plans. Everyone on Coulson's team met up for introductions.

"Daisy Johnson, aka Quake. She has the ability to manipulate natural vibrations as well as generate concussive blasts of vibrating air. Elena "Yo-Yo" Rodriguez. She is able to travel at superhuman speeds within the timeframe of a beat of her heart before she bounces back. Hence the nickname, Yo-Yo. Melinda May, expert martial artist, pilot and empath. Mack, Deke, and FitzSimmons are on the Bus right now. You'll meet them later."

Everyone on Tony's side acknowledged their names and took note of their abilities and powers.

"Ok, for the new faces on our side, we have Barnes, the Winter Soldier, who you already know, Wanda, she's got telekinesis and can read minds, Kate, she's Clint's protege, slash eventual replacement and Harley, my oldest kid, who built his own suit." Tony said, introducing the group.

Daisy leaned over to Yo-Yo.

"Tony Stark has kids?" She whispered.

"How the hell would I know?" She responded. "I'm not the former groupie member here."

Daisy glared half heartedly at her.

"I said it was one time!"

"Not my fault you got drunk and told me that story." She shot back.

"Hey, focus we're not here to argue." May interrupted. "We have a mission."

Everyone quickly formed a plan and they all entered the base.

Yo-Yo ran through the halls to assess the amount of security as well as any potentially dangerous weapons. When she was done, she gave the report to Coulson and Tony so they could split their team accordingly.

"May, Harley, Kate, Captain Rogers, Wanda, and I will be one group. Daisy, Yo-Yo, Nat, Clint, Sergeant Barnes, and Tony will be the other. " Coulson explained. "Dr. Banner will be here on comms just in case. I've synced the signal our comms travel on so we're on the same channel. We're going to be split up, so only call for help if necessary. We have about equal amounts of power on each side, so take advantage of every opportunity if need be. Let's go."

Everyone nodded and headed off with their respective groups to raid the base.

(A/N Tony's team will be written in bold and Coulson's team in regular text to avoid unnecessary writing)

Wanda lead the group through the hallways, with May taking out the first few guards easily. Coulson shot ICER bullets at the ones May couldn't focus on while Harley made sure every guard was unconscious. Cap and Kate ran ahead to scout out the next few corridors and the rest of the group quickly followed.

Daisy knocked down the first wave of guards and Yo-Yo tied all of them up while Nat, Clint, Tony and Bucky advanced deeper into the building. A group of guards wielding batons and handguns immediately appeared in their path, blocking the way. Clint shot arrows into the walls that released smoke to obscure the soldiers vision and aim. Tony took advantage of their disorientated state and used heat signature seeking taser blasts to knock them out.

Cap almost got a punch to the face while he rounded a corner but he leaned to the side, barley avoiding it. Kate quickly rushed in and used the man's momentum to flip him over her shoulder into the wall while Cap recovered and punched another soldier trying to attack Kate from behind.

"Thanks." She said, a bit out of breath.

"No problem. Incoming from both sides, get ready." He replied, standing nearly back to back with Kate.

"You got it, Cap." She said, readying her bow.

He threw his shield at the closest guard while Kate shot multiple electric arrows at the hallway in front of her, effectively creating a bolt of electricity that hit multiple targets. They quickly rotated in sync and they repeated the same attacks as before, with Cap taking out the last of the soldiers in his way and Kate knocking out hers.

Tony watched Yo-Yo as she sped forward to scout the next hallway. He couldn't help but think of Pietro Maximoff, and how similar their powers seemed to be. Of course, Yo-Yo bounced back while Pietro didn't. He just kept going forward and never looked back.

Before he could even blink she had returned to the group.

"There's about a dozen guards outside a set of reinforced double doors." She said. "They're guarding something important."

"That's why we're here though. HYDRA has some weapon or something they plan on using, right?" Daisy asked. "Why else would they have resurfaced?"

"It's never a good sign when there's that much security outside an already pretty secure door." Clint added.

"They couldn't have possibly made anything more dangerous than supersoldiers." Bucky muttered.

"I wouldn't put it past HYDRA to find a way to do it." Nat said. "We got to make a plan. We can't just charge in."

Coulson's group had reached the end of the last hallway on their side. There wasn't anything at all to take as evidence or to destroy.

"It can't just be a dead end." Coulson said in disbelief. "There's gotta be a secret door or something at least."

Harley snorted at his complaint.

"I mean that's would I would have done." Kate said thoughtfully. "There wasn't anything of importance on our side of the base. So it makes sense that there's something we're missing."

Cap walked forward and proceeded to rap his knuckles on the wall.

"Whatcha doing there Cap?" Harley joked. "Hoping the secret door will open if you politely knock?"

Cap had moved to the left wall and knocked on it as well.

"He's checking to see if any of the walls sound more hollow than the others." May interjected. "It's a smart idea. It could reveal a hidden room or passage that isn't visible to the naked eye."

Wanda turned to Harley with a raised brow.

"Hey, can't you scan through walls with your suit? That would make this go a lot faster." She asked sarcastically.

Harley froze and everyone turned to look at him.

"Yeah, that would have made this a lot easier." Coulson said wryly.

"I'll get on it." Harley said sheepishly.

He scanned all the walls around them and eventually started walking in another direction.

"This way. There's a room further this way that I can't see through with the scanner. It seems to be lined with lead, which means x-ray scanners won't do the job. Whatever we need to find must be there." He said.

Everyone quickly followed Harley's lead as he walked down the halls, eventually leading them to where the other group had gathered in front of heavy looking doors. The soldiers that had presumably been standing guard were incapacitated on the floor.

(End of bold/regular text switches)

The entire group was preparing to enter the room they stood in front of. Whatever HYDRA had been working on had to be here. Nowhere else in the building had anything significant and this was the final stop.

The door had a keypad that required a passcode as well as a biometric scan. Of course, they could try using the guards to try to pass the retinal scan but there wasn't any guarantee they had access. Of course, they had to deal with the code as well. Maybe physical force would work.

Tony scanned the door's material and found that it was capable of taking the strongest hit from his and Harley's suit combined.

"All right, does anyone else have any brilliant ideas on how to enter this room?" He asked "I don't have enough firepower for this door."

Coulson turned to Daisy and nodded his head.

"Do your thing." He said.

She rolled her eyes and approached the keypad to the door and forced the device to open, revealing circuit boards and wires.

"What is she doing?" Harley asked in confusion. "I thought she could blast through stuff?"

Daisy took out a small tablet and hooked it to the keypad, quickly typing out code and breaking through the security.

"You're lucky I still carry a tablet, Coulson. We would have been in trouble otherwise."

Tony was impressed and slightly scared of how fast she broke through HYDRA's mainframe of security. He made a mental note to update his security system as well as FRIDAY's firewalls.

After a couple minutes of rapid typing, the door opened with a hiss of cold air.

"Remind me to change all my passwords on my social media." Harley said to his suit's AI.

"All right, lets see what HYDRA has been working on." Coulson announced. "Prepare yourselves for anything."

They walked into the room and immediately, everyone noticed the change of temperature compared to the rest of the base.

FRIDAY informed Tony that it was 10 degrees in the room and understandably, everyone was shivering.

Tony walked a bit further and then stopped suddenly. He felt his blood run colder than the room itself.

Coulson had said to be prepared for anything but he clearly didn't have this in mind of the things he needed to steel himself for.

"Oh my god." Kate whispered. "Is it?"

"Peter?" Harley asked in disbelief.

Tony's son was in the corner of the room, curled up in the fetal position, and unresponsive to the world around him.

"FRIDAY, scan for any vital signs." Tony asked desperately.

"He's got a pulse, but I believe he may be in a comatose state. He is also dehydrated and malnourished."

Coulson's team didn't know who this Peter was, but they knew based on everyone else's reaction that he was someone who had been missing for a long time.

"FitzSimmons, do you read me?" Coulson said into his earpiece.

"Yes sir, what's wrong?" Jemma's voice replied.

"We need you to set up the medbay immediately. Get an IV drip sufficient for dehydration as well as malnutrition." Coulson ordered. "We also need heat lamps, if you got any."

"Right away sir." She replied.

Steve picked Peter up and everyone followed him out of the base, back to safety.

*Time skip to returning to New York*

Morgan had been in the middle of a meeting for student council when her watch buzzed. Although it wasn't unusual for that to happen, this time it was buzzing in a pattern that meant there was an emergency that she could not ignore.

"May I be excused to go to the bathroom?" She asked the teacher, who nodded her approval.

She grabbed the hall pass and made her way to the bathroom and checked to see what the message was.

The message was from Harley and what he had sent broken down the walls of composure she had been building for 6 months.

Morgan, we found Peter. We're almost back to the tower and mom's picking you and Carter up. We'll tell you more when you get here.

She sank to the floor and started to sob.

How was this possible?

Where had he been?

How was he alive?

Was he still alive?

More and more questions ran through her head and she finally calmed down enough to exit the bathroom without looking like she had just had a breakdown. When she walked back into the classroom she was handed a summons to leave early.

She arrived at the attendance office and Carter was already there, waiting for her with Pepper by his side.

They all hugged for a good long while and they all cried a bit before Happy started to drive to the tower to meet up with everyone.

"Mom? Is he alive?" Morgan asked hoarsely.

She was silent for a bit before replying.

"He's alive but he's in a coma of sorts."

"Do we know why?" Carter asked.

"Dad said it was extensive exposure to frigid temperatures and that the spider DNA caused him to hibernate because of it." She answered.

"Do we know when he's supposed to wake up?" Carter questioned.

"I don't know honey." Pepper said honestly. "We have to hope for the best."

Morgan felt her heart sink in her chest as they pulled into the parking garage.

Everyone got out as soon as the car was parked and rushed to the elevator.

"FRIDAY, take us to the medbay where Peter is." Pepper said.

"Right away miss." She replied.

They made it to the medbay in record time and rushed to Peter's bedside, where he was still asleep.

Morgan almost didn't recognize that it was Peter in the bed.

His face was unnaturally pale and gaunt and he had lost weight, his frame looking thinner and weaker because of it. His hair was longer than she had ever seen it before and was tangled in knots. He had multiple bruises scattered around his body that should have been healed.

Tony and Harley walked into the room soon after and Morgan hugged them both extra tightly as she let out months worth of fear and anxiety in the form of tears.

"Shhhh, Maguna, it's ok, he's home." Tony whispered. "Breathe, you have to breathe."

"I thought he was dead." She sobbed into his chest.

"I know, but he's here now, everything's going to be ok." Tony reassured her gently.

Carter and Pepper joined in the hug and they all comforted each other.

Peter was finally home, where he belonged.

And he was about to wake up from his slumber.

"Hello?" a voice said, cracking in the middle of the word. "Where 'm I?"

Harley turned his head towards Peter so fast he almost gave himself whiplash.

"He's awake!" He said.

Everyone let go from the hug to gather around Peter's bed.

"Peter, are you ok? How do you feel?" Carter asked.

Peter turned to look at Carter.

"Who're you?" He asked confusedly.

Peter looked at all the people standing by his bed.

"Who are you guys?" He asked. "What am I doing here?"

Everyone's hearts collectively sank at his question.

Peter didn't remember anyone in this room. He couldn't recall his family. What had HYDRA done to him?

"Peter, we're your family." Morgan explained shakily. "I'm Morgan, your little sister. That's Harley, your brother, Carter, my boyfriend. That's mom and dad over there. Don't you remember at all?"

Morgan's voice broke as she asked him that question.

Peter looked at everyone's faces, one by one, trying his best to remember them but he couldn't. His memories were blank with a capital 'B'.

"Maybe photos or videos might help?" Carter offered weakly.

"FRIDAY pull up video footage from the folder, Family Shenanigans."

FRIDAY displayed footage from the timeframe that the Avengers were playing pool in the rec room.

Tony was on a team with Carter and Harley and Morgan were on the other. Peter and Pepper were watching them play from the side.

"Come on Harley, you can do better than that!" Tony teased as he put chalk on his cue stick. "Morgan's been carrying your team the whole game."

"No way, I've hit at least half of our balls in the pockets!" Harley protested, even though he knew he was spouting bullshit.

"I've done two behind the back shots and made them, how many have you done?" Morgan piped in, absolutely decimating Harley, the Roast King himself.

Everyone burst out laughing at her comeback and Tony immediately fell to the floor from laughter and pounded his fist on the ground.

Morgan had never seen her dad laugh so hard at something, let alone everyone else, including Natasha, who usually never let more than a chuckle out when she found something hilarious.

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAY?!" Harley yelled at her over all the laughter.

"That's my sister!" Peter said proudly, with tears of laughter in his eyes.

Friday played other videos taken during random moments, as well as displaying photos. Everyone took turns explaining what had happened that day and why it was special. Peter asked questions here and there and everyone answered patiently and with extra detail to help.

Eventually, they had gone through the entire folder and Morgan glanced at Peter to see if there was a flicker of recognition at all.

"Do you remember now?" She asked him softly.

Peter had tears in his eyes as he answered.

"I'm so sorry." He said.

Morgan wanted to scream her heart out. He still didn't remember his family. She didn't know if he ever would.

"I've been gone so long, and HYDRA erased my memories. But you guys were able to find me before they could finish the job for good." He said, finishing what he had wanted to say. "I do remember you guys. I can't believe I ever forgot how much everyone here means to me."

Pepper let out a gasp as she nearly tackled him in a hug. Everyone felt a huge weight lift from their shoulders as Peter laughed weakly at everyone's faces.

"Peter, don't you ever scare us like that again!" Harley scolded with tears running down his face.

"That was a shitty thing to do, seriously." Carter said, annoyed but mostly relieved that Peter was back.

"Peter, never forget how much we love you." Tony said, wiping a tear away from his cheek.

"I can't believe you're back." Morgan said, smiling despite the fact she was still crying a bit.

"I'm here, and I won't be leaving you guys like that again." Peter replied. "I mean, I'm bedridden at the moment anyway."

Everyone groaned at his joke before a group hug formed around Peter.

Everything was as it should always have been.

A/N: Here's a little fun fact about this chapter, the part where Morgan roasts Harley is based on something that happened within my family a couple years ago. In my family's version, I was on a team with my cousin and my dad and another cousin were on the other team. The dialogue is basically word for word what happened. I roasted my cousin, and my everyone started laughing, and my dad literally fell to the floor and was pounding his fist on the ground.

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alexawynters · 3 years

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Venting. Don’t take this too seriously it’s fine I’m fine.

So my recent ex gf of 8 months (I count the time we were fucking around as well as dating bc let’s not lie I caught feels early because I’m pathetic) who broke up with me a little over two months ago is now hooking up with one of my closest friends.

Its cool. I still cry myself to sleep, have nightmares, and wake up crying throughout the night but it’s fine. I spend more time drunk than sober (I had been doing so well! It was two years since I was last an alcoholic) and replaying every red flag, every moment where I thought to myself “you know, I don’t think she really likes me, you don’t treat the people you like this way right?” And then my dumb desperate ass was like “no we’re going to overlook this because surely she would tell me right? Besides I’m asking for too much, I should just be grateful she even expressed any interest at all. Stop being needy. Stop asking for anything other than what she is giving you because you’re lucky she’s even with you, what’s wrong with you?

Like. The first two months we were together? I called my besties every other week crying because I felt like a human sex toy. She didn’t even seem to want to do relationship things. I didn’t understand why she even asked me out, I had told her before we got together if all she wanted to be was fwb that was okay. But she asked me out so I was like okay cool. You want to date me. As in be in a relationship. I’m excited for this. Let’s do relationship things. We didn’t often do relationship things. We did sexual ones instead.

Then after two months suddenly the sex all but stopped. I thought to myself okay cool every relationship hits a plateau, and levels out. This is normal. Little did I know that was the slow death of us. The. I was calling my besties every other week again, still crying, begging to know what I was doing wrong. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t she seem interested but was still with me? What was I doing wrong? What was I not doing enough of, or too much of, or just not doing right? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to interest her beyond the bare bones minimum?

I found myself begging for her to spend time with me. I lived with roommates who were our friends, and it always felt like she wanted to spend more time with them than me. I had to ask her if we could have some “just us” nights which, rarely were ever actually just us unless we went out. There were times she would literally, every five minutes look out the window to see when my roommates were home, and I was like ???? Do you not want to spend time with me? She would go to the kitchen to get something and be gone for twenty minutes to an hour at a time, having gotten distracted and hanging out with them. Which isn’t inherently bad to be clear but it happened so often and I wondered. I never forgot about her when I was leaving the room and got stopped for a conversation. If I knew I was going to be long I would text her to invite her or let her know.

I had even told her if she wants to just hang out with them, she could. I genuinely wouldn’t have minded that. Have fun with your friends, you should. I could hang out in my room and be me (I’m incredibly introverted, autistic, and have anxiety, and the living situation had me ~*stressed*~ out) but she didn’t want to do that.

If we were out on a date, she was almost always texting, or snap chatting somebody else. I always tried to make it a point to focus on us when we were in dates, but it never felt reciprocated. I brought it up and then felt like an asshole for already asking for just us time, and now to please not be on your phone when we’re on a date. She looked so sad, like I had scolded her. I would replay it over and over in my head - I tried to be gentle and polite, not accusing or angry. I checked my words carefully and ran them by multiple people to try to be as non aggressive and non accusatory as I could before I ever spoke them to her. Clearly I didn’t succeed.

She has OCD (nothing against it and I usually found it endearing) and would sometimes go into a loop. I always tried to help her but usually just ended up frustrating her. She snapped at me on occasions including in front of my friends and didn’t often apologize for it. Something my friends brought up after she did it in front of them, and I made excuses for it. She was stressed out, I would be too, stop being so hard on her.

She never planned anything with me, I always had to do it. I brushed it off as her having anxiety and not liking planning, but when she asked me “oh we’re still doing that?” for the trip for my nieces wedding in which I was taking her to meet my (extremely judgey) family, the trip that I had been updating her on weekly about the plans trying to get any input from her on, the trip that I had to pull in favors for and grovel to get the time off to go to? I should have said never mind and cancelled it.

She didn’t even help plan my birthday. My best friends did, and showed me the texts where they were getting frustrated with her lack of input on it because she’s my girlfriend and surely she would want to participate in that? Want to help surprise me? It was my first surprise party ever. I told her thank you and she acted like she had absolutely had a hand in planning. Meanwhile my friends all got together while she and I were gone to vent about how pisses they were at her for her lack of effort.

I have some childhood trauma and I don’t like to be touched sexually. I’ll touch my partner and even enjoy it but I don’t like being touched. It triggers me. But she said no less than three times to different people “yeah I’ve still never gone down on a girl or anything” which made me feel like I wasn’t being a good enough girlfriend. So I got sex therapy. I worked through it as best I could. Not for me. I didn’t want to be touched that way but I wanted my girlfriend to be happy. I wanted to do right by her and give her everything she wanted or needed in a relationship. Right about this time is where the sex stopped. She also stopped flirting or doing things she used to do before we started/right as we started dating that were clear indicators that she liked me. (I am an oblivious idiot)

I started to get worried. Why was I working this hard if she didn’t actually want to touch me? I was happy not being touched, but now I was starting to think something was wrong. I was starting to feel like she didn’t even want me. I started asking for sex as reassurance that she was still interested. Still attracted.

She called me a horn dog.

Not just to me but also later to my best friend. I was so mortified I wanted to jump out of the window and run into traffic. *I* was a horndog? All I wanted was affection and reassurance. She said her love language was physical affection and so was mine but she rarely gave me the cuddles I needed. I would ask her for “pets” - where she would play with my hair or just run her hand up and down my arm. This for me is intimacy. I had no problems doing it for her ever but she would get annoyed when I asked, saying it was hard for her to focus on the tv.

Okay? So? I’m not asking much, I didn’t think. I stopped paying attention to the tv when I was petting her. I made her my whole focus so she would feel loved. I mean unless it was like Harry Potter but I would be mindful to alternate so she wouldn’t be left out.

She only introduced me to one of her friends (who I thought was pretty cool but I worry she hates me so I just don’t talk to her now). At first I thought this was because she was in the closet. To be clear I never had a problem with that. I would never push someone to come out before they were ready and I hate movies and media that have the partner doing that. It’s shitty and dangerous. If she felt safer in the closet more power to her. I actively went to bat for protecting that secret for her. Sometimes our friends would forget and tag her in shit that would out her. I would be in their texts and calling them immediately explaining the situation and asking them to untag or take the post down. I’m not saying that as any sort of bragging. That’s literally the least I could do. I’m saying it to illustrate that I don’t have a problem with her being in the closet. But then she told me her friends knew about us. So I was like okay cool you’ve met all of my friends and are part of the group. I’d like to meet your friends. “Um.. they’re just really busy”. I mean. Yeah so are my friends and I didn’t mean like right now I just meant maybe mention it to them and we can some time schedule a hang out. “They’re just really busy”. Red flag but okay. Gonna just. Overlook this one too. It’s fine.

I spent more nights when she visited waiting for her to fall asleep so I could cry myself to sleep over how worthless I felt. Why was I doing this? Everything hurt but maybe I was just asking too much. Had my expectations too high. I’ve been told that before. Usually by people who have left me, those who stay (and my therapist) insist I’ve been asking for the bare minimum. To this day I still don’t know. If all you get is nothing , surely you are nothing? You don’t deserve to ask for more.

By June I started thinking she’s not happy with me. I’m not the one she wants. I don’t think much of myself. I don’t think I’m worth anything. I wrote her a letter that sat in my desk at work, basically saying that she deserved to be happy. She deserved to be with someone who sparks excitement, joy, and romance in her. Someone she wants to introduce to her friends (that she’s out to). Someone that she wants to spend time with and forgets about anyone else (within reason obviously, not like actually forgetting the world friends and responsibilities). Someone she is actually excited to spend time with and looks forward to. Someone that makes her not want to cancel every other date. She shouldn’t settle, even if it’s for me.

It broke my heart to write that letter. I was going to give it to her after her birthday because I didn’t want to be a sick and break up with her right before/on her birthday. Turns out she beat me to the punch and dumped me after I took her home.

I don’t know why I was surprised. The entire relationship things didn’t feel right. I always felt like I was doing something wrong. People in my life always seem to like the idea of me and then when they get to see the real me suddenly it’s like oops too much I’m out. Or alternatively they just.. they think I’m interesting and then lose interest.

My birth mother rejected me not once but twice. My adoptive mother was thrilled at the idea of me until I got to be about 4 and she realized something wasn’t quite right. My dad doesn’t care enough about me to stop drinking. Almost every single best friend I’ve ever had growing up has left usually because of some stupid shit I’ve done or because they’re embarrassed of me. Cheryl thought I was some monster out to hurt my friends (even when said “hurt” friend who was actually there went to bat for me and confirmed that I was literally just in the wrong place at the wrong time). Holly stopped caring. Brie never cared. Johanna only cared when she could use her affection of me to hurt someone else she was being petty with. Lissa only wanted someone she could bully, and even once she had me it wasn’t enough. Jerika definitely didn’t want me, and even my closest friend of 17 years Amy left for three months in which I genuinely thought she wasn’t coming back because I had the audacity to try to help her out of a panic attack. Jocelyn couldn’t stand me for more than a week at a time and roxii didn’t have the time of day for me after Americorps.

I feel like my whole life has just been a game of measurements that’s found me wanting. I tried. I tried so hard and I know I didn’t succeed I know there were things I could have done differently with my latest ex. Things I could have done better. I’ve never wanted anything to work so much in my life. Never tried so hard and still I wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.

I watched her, the woman that I was in love with, slowly lose interest in me over the course of about 4 months. Do you know what that’s like? What that does to you? The more I tried, the quicker she seemed to fade. I kept thinking if I just try harder, I’m just not doing, saying the right things. I read every book on relationships I could get my hands on (blatantly ignoring the parts that told me I should see the red flags for what they were and step away). I took notes. I watched therapy videos. I put to work every therapy technique I had ever learned. I wasn’t perfect but I was going to give this everything I had. Just once I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I didn’t try. I wanted to be as healthy, loving and supportive of a partner as I could because I loved her and didn’t want to hurt her. I knew that I had a lot of personal growth that I had been working on before I met her and I wanted to really ramp that up while I was with her to be good to her. To be good for her.

I’m not even mad. My friends say I should be. They’re mad on my behalf and I’m the one telling them to be nice, and defending her. Part of me thinks they’re right but mostly, mostly I think I’m just a steaming pile of shit and I deserved this.

I wasn’t enough. I’m tired of not being enough. I’m tired of fighting the universe showing me over, and over, and over, and over, and over again how absolutely worthless, not shit I am.

When she broke up with me I told her I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. She said we’re still friends I’m still going to be in your life and we will still talk. Turns out that’s only if I initiate and usually shortly after she shuts it down. So. I guess not.

I asked her one thing and that was when (not if because obviously when, I mean if you saw her you would understand) she moved on if she could just not bring the new person around for the first few months so I didn’t have to see it immediately I would appreciate it and she was like yeah for sure. I told her I wanted her to be happy and I meant it. I just didn’t realize it was going to be barely over 2 months and with one of my good friends.

To be clear she can date whomever she wants. I just thought there might have been more time between them showing up publicly and honestly? Even if her friend was single, interested in me, and I interested in her, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. Even if the positions were reversed and I actually broke up with her first, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. I would imagine that would hurt and I never want to hurt her. Ever. I just.. I wouldn’t have done it. And then she told my one best friend to not tell my other best friend or me and I’m like?? So you know this is a little shady and you’re still gonna?? Like you literally couldn’t wake a couple more months? Just til after Friendsgiving so I don’t have to come to a group event and plaster on a smile when it makes me want to stab myself in the heart.

Alright. Well. Good for her. And I mean that. I just.. can’t see that right now so I’m not seeing any of them. I heard the song Reminds me of you by Kim petras today “cut off all my friends because they remind me of you” and literally felt punched in the gut. Like yep. Too right. Because what am I supposed to go go hang out with my closest friends, where she and her new partner are, and fake a smile? I’m barely holding it together. There’s literally not a day in which I don’t want to kill myself.

Not because she broke up with me. Because I’m tired of being worthless to everyone I care about. Like why the fuck am I even here? Is this what I was born for? To be trash? To be used by people until they find someone better? Or to be someone’s quirky new friend until they find out my quirks are not an act? Or for people to think Im interesting only to slowly realize that I’m not and want nothing to do with me?

I think about all the things I’ve survived that I shouldn’t have and get frustrated because wHY? Why couldnt I just have died and been done with everything? I said to Nathan the other day that at some point I have to realize that the common denominator here is me. Clearly I am the problem. Clearly I am worthless and it’s time to fucking accept that. His reply was that it’s easy to think that you’re the common denominator when it’s your life but that’s just because you’re stuck in it. Idk man. I don’t think I have just extraordinarily shitty luck. I think it’s just me.

I am worthless. Not shit. To anyone. There are some who have stayed but it’s literally just a matter of time until they leave. It’s inevitable, and I’m tired of trying to pretend it’s not. I’m tired of trying to pretend I’m worth something to anyone. I’m tired of begging people to care about me, family, friends, partners. I’m just tired. So tired. Im tired of being tired.

Fuck my life insurance policy. The majority of the people on it don’t care about me anyway, so fuck it if it doesn’t pay out. It wouldn’t be my problem. Sitting here trying to think of ways that wouldn’t traumatize my roommates, would be guaranteed, relatively pain free, and wouldn’t put anyone else at risk. And then I remember I’m a coward and if I fuck it up then there goes what little I have made of my career, I’d lose my job (not that I’m thriving anyway), I’d probably be permanently damaged in ways that would then make me a burden to my parents.

Maybe I can’t kill myself, but somebody else sure could. I could find somebody abusive and just throw myself into that until one day they take it too far. That’s about what I deserve. And then my policy would pay out and the people I live most would be taken care of, regardless of how their treatment of me makes me feel. Maybe I could do some good in this world. The only good I’ll have ever done but it has to count for something right? Who am I kidding nothing I do counts for anything but I’m crazy and keep doing the same things expecting different results.

It’s funny. The one person who wants to leave me the most, can’t. I wish I could though.

Don’t take this too seriously I’m venting. it’s fine, I’m fine.

#God I wish that I could do that #Good for you #TW depression #I’m fine #tw suicidal ideation

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athenagrantnash · 3 years

Note

Just dropping by to let you know that I’m actively working on the Brook Lives AU, and the first chapter should be out relatively soon!

In the meantime, I have to ask, which plot lines/scenes do you think would be made most interesting with the inclusion of Brook? I have several ideas, but I really want to make sure I don’t forget anything good. Thanks for such great inspiration!

omg I am SOOO excited about your fic, you have no idea!

Please please please tag me in it when you post it, I don't wanna risk missing it!

And you honestly should thank my anons. I'm just the gal lucky enough to be getting all these lovely asks❤️️❤️️❤️️

Also omg I had a lot of thoughts and it got long so I'm putting it under a cut 😅😅😅

But also if any of my anons have more thoughts than what I have, definitely share them! ❤️️

As for plot lines, the first one that comes to mind definitely everything surrounding Bobby Begins Again. How would having Brook with him change everything he went through after the fire? Would he have almost overdosed? Would he have gotten into rehab faster? How is her presence going to impact his suicide plan? (my thought is that he's still planning on going through with it, but he's going to wait until she's 18 and/or in college/a grown up/doesn't need him anymore.)

And what about that plane crash in season 1? Is he going to go get drunk if he has Brook waiting for him to pick her up from whoever is watching her during his shift? And if he does... how much more guilty is he going to feel about it? Because he sees his actions as being the same thing that cost Brook her mother and brother... the same thing that cost her her self confidence and "beauty".

And then how is her presence going to impact his relationship with Athena when they first start dating? Is Brook going to know that they're dating, or are they hiding it from her just as much as they're hiding it from Athena's family? What's going to make Bobby feel worse, lying to Brook, or asking her to keep a secret?

Another factor to this... when he goes to church with Athena during their pre-date, does he pick up Brook first? Do all three of them go? Does he share with Athena how much he needs to protect people, because he wasn't able to protect Brook? Does Athena share with him her own feelings of helplessness when she found May after the suicide attempt and how she felt she wasn't able to protect her either? Is that another commonality he and Athena find?

And definitely everything that goes on in Dosed. Maybe instead of it taking place on what would have been Brook's 13th birthday, it's on what would have been Bobby Jr's 15th birthday, and Brook and Bobby are both having a really hard time. Or what if it's still on Brook's birthday, and (if you're going with the "she's got scars" idea) she's too self conscious to want to invite anybody over or celebrate. And Bobby tries, he genuinely tries as hard as he can to build up her confidence, but she can see the guilt in his eyes every time he looks at her. And when Bobby gets dosed, he still sees a vision of her... but he sees her without the hurt in her eyes, with the same confidence she had before the fire - he sees her the way he would if he wasn't overcome with guilt. He sees the dream of what she could have been without his mistake.

And when Athena asks him to move in, is he going to talk to Brook about it? What would that conversation look like? Is she the one who tells him that... it's okay to move on. It's okay that he's imagining a future with somebody who isn't Marcy.

And when Bobby and Athena get married, is she going to be Bobby's "best lady"?

Also, the scare with Bobby maybe getting cancer. How is Brook going to react to that? Is she going to be angry at him? She'd be a teenager at that point, so is she going to throw their losses in his face because of how scared and worried she is? "I lost mom and Bobby Jr. already, why are you trying to make me lose you too?"

And then how is she going to react when Athena gets attacked? She already lost her own mom, how hard is it going to be for her to see her step-mom so injured?

And of course everything with the sniper... how afraid is she going to be that she's going to lose Bobby when they figure out a sniper is out there and going after firefighters? Does she beg him not to go to work, to stay at home until all of this is over? And then when he does get shot then it's days before he's awake... how is she going to react when he finally opens his eyes again? Will Bobby wake up to see Brook and Athena praying together? Is Brook leaning against Athena, tears on her cheeks, as she hopes and prays that he'll wake up?

#911 #911 fox #911 on fox #bobby nash #brook nash #athena grant #bathena #ask me a question #brook lives au #thathcwriter

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sope-and-shine · 3 years

Text

Do You Have The Receipt For That?

-> Pairing: Jin x Gender Neutral!Reader -> SFW // Domestic!AU // Fluff // Comedy -> Word Count: 1.9k -> Summary: “Get married,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. You thought the honeymoon stage was supposed to last a few months. Yours didn’t even last 48 hours. -> Warning(s): Chaotic Jin, Jin gets drunk, Adam Sandler grade humor and innuendos, a healthy dose of blackmail

a/n: Jin deserves all the love in the world

When Jin asked you to marry him, you honestly thought he was joking at first. He’d said it so casually over a glass of wine that when he actually dropped to his knee in the restaurant and pulled out the ring you were left completely speechless. He’d teased you about him being so handsome that he rendered you speechless, but you knew he was just trying to soothe his own worries over you possibly saying no. But he didn’t have anything to worry about.

All he had to do was get the ring on your finger.

Getting married to the love of your life was the biggest dream come true for you. Walking down the aisle dressed to the 9’s, your fiancé in a tux and looking as handsome as ever, your closest friends and families gathered along both sides to celebrate and enjoy your happiness. There was nothing more that you could have asked for, and you wouldn’t have changed anything about the day at all!

Over the course of your engagement, he did his very best to help you with every decision. He tried to be involved as much as he could to ensure that this wedding was something you both would be able to look back on and remember just how lucky you both are. Every venue search, every cake testing, every question over the smallest flower, he was by your side giving his opinion and reassuring you that whatever decision you made would be good.

Waking up in your honeymoon suite next to the love of your life felt like waking up on your birthday, knowing the day was going to be good. Seeing his recently dyed locks sprawled across his pillow with his cheek lightly smushed against his hand has your heart a flutter. The way his skin glows under the light peeking through the hotel window making you want to look at his forever. He’s always joked about being worldwide handsome, but why stop at just this world when he looks so ethereal?

You reach out - unable to stop yourself - and thread your fingers through his bleached tresses. For the amount of times that he changed his hair color, it was still so silky and smooth. If he’d let you, you’d run your hands through it all day and refuse to ever let him leave. Even as he stirs underneath your touch, you continue to play with the hair on his head.

“Didn’t you get enough of me at the reception?” He teases, a slight hoarseness to his morning voice.

You chuckle and sigh, “I don’t think I could ever get enough of you.”

“Is that because of my looks or my talents?” He asks, winking playfully. You can’t help but roll your eyes at his suggestion.

You lean in and place a kiss on his forehead, “Your cooking is one of my favorite things about you.”

You ruffle his hair and he lets out an annoyed groan, “Now I’ll have to fix that.”

“You had to fix it anyway. It didn’t survive last night.” You remind him, slightly proud of your accomplishment.

A hand reaches out to lay across your bare stomach and pull you closer to him, “I didn’t think you’d survive last night…” He says, his lips next to your ear.

You laugh as you squirm in his grasp, “Stop it! I’ve had enough to last me a week!”

“I thought you said you couldn’t get enough of me!” His other arm slides under your back to cage you into his chest. His fingers dance across your sides until he’s finally in a good position to attack you with well-deserved tickles for your treason, “Have you lied to me? How dare you! I’m your husband!”

“Ah! I’m sorry!” You cry out in a fit of laughter, moving every which way to try and get away from his relentless attack. He doesn’t let up, tickling every part of you that your position allows him too.

He manages to work his way on top, effectively straddling you as he continues his relentless torture, “How could you lie to your husband like this?! We just got married! Oh, who is this person I’ve married?”

“I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it!” You laugh, hands flailing as they try to grab at his own. Tear cling to your eyes, “Please, Jin! No more! I can’t! I’m gonna pee!”

“Oh, wow, isn’t that sexy?” He teases. He ends his attack and replaces it with soothing caresses, running his hands up and down your sides as you calm down from the excitement. He watches you from above with a soft, genuine smile as he wonders just how lucky he is himself to have you.

You take notice of his content smile and give him one of your own, “What are you looking at?”

“My amazing best friend.” He leans down and places a soft kiss against your lips, a much different pace from the activity before. You both enjoy the intimacy of just being together, loving the simplicity that comes with just a simple press of your lips together.

When he pulls away, he sighs, “We have a long day today. We should get ready soon.”

“We should.” You nod in agreement. You can’t help the playful smile that reaches your face, “But we should probably try to save some water by showering together. You know, for the environment.”

Jin can’t stop the blush that rises to his cheeks at your suggestion and laughs, “Oh, you’re cheeky!”

---

Your shower took longer than the two of you had planned for. The two of you had gotten carried away throwing suds back and forth and wasted the complimentary soap in one go. If Jin hadn’t tried to steal it out of your hands to try and squeeze it over your head, then he probably wouldn’t have slipped and taken you down with him. You could barely hear him whine over how heavy you were and how bad his back hurt for how young he is over the sound of the shower and your own laughter.

Needless to say, he got his revenge by tickling you again.

Though, with him hurting himself in the morning, the both of you had to change up your plans for the day. What was supposed to be a day out on the town and sightseeing turned into a relaxing spa visit for you both to recover from the morning.

The spa itself was very lovely, with an amazing atmosphere. Very calm and serene, and it felt so refreshing just to walk through the front door. With Jin, you explored all of the spa options they had to offer, walking through various rooms and relaxing hand in hand. Occasionally, Jin would lean over and whisper a joke or something completely random into your ear.

“I have indigestion.” or “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”

He followed both up with his contagious laughter, always doing his best to muffle the sound but failing miserably. You had to drag him out of one room before he disturbed the other patrons, and you thought for sure an employee would hunt you down and force you to leave. But that looming concern didn’t stop you from enjoying the time you got to spend with your husband. You both spent all day enjoying the spa, and it wasn’t until dinner time came around that you began to realize that it was a bad idea.

As lovely as the spa was, there was on downside to what they offered.

Alcohol.

Seokjin isn’t a lightweight, but when he’s relaxing he has the tendency to drink just a bit too much. Not in a sense that he became completely reckless or abrasive, but in a chaotic drunk sort of way. He was himself, but more eccentric.

When you returned to the hotel fully relaxed and ready to crash on your bed to cuddle and watch movies, Jin seemed to be a bit more out of it than his usual self. You initially thought this had to do with the alcohol, and you were already planning on getting him some more water and maybe a painkiller or two. But what you had thought was a crash from the alcohol turns out to be your drunk, chaotic husband contemplating and overthinking.

“You love me, right?” He asks, sitting on your hotel room bed while you get him a bottle of water.

You chuckle, “Of course I love you silly!” You walk over from the mini-fridge - water bottle in hand - and sit down next to him on the soft sheets. You cup his cheek with one hand and smile, “I wouldn’t marry you if I didn’t love you, Jin.”

The blonde takes a moment to fully comprehend your reassurance before he nods, “That’s right.”

You try to hand him the water bottle, but he stands before you get the chance. You watch him walk over to the bedside table and pull something out of the drawer, hiding it in the palm of hand. He then walks over to his laptop bag on the table by the window and pulls out a manila folder.

The manila folder with your marriage license in it.

You watch him pull the document out and set the folder back down before he walks past you to the bathroom. Concerned, you follow him, worried about why he would possibly need to bring your marriage license to the bathroom. You’re sent for a loop when you see what he’s doing.

In the sink is your marriage license, and in his hand is a lighter. He holds the light to the edge of the paper and waits for it to set before he closes the lighter and turns to you with the biggest shit eating grin, “Ha! Good luck trying to return me without the receipt!”

You say nothing. You only stand in the doorway, mouth agape looking between your drunk husband and the singular piece of paper you overpaid for to tie yourself to his dumb ass. You honestly want to believe that you can’t believe he just did that, but a part of you really isn’t shocked at all.

He takes your silence as a victory and goes to leave the bathroom, but not without leaving you with a kiss to the cheek and a few words of wisdom: “Close your mouth before you let a fly in.”

When you get over your shock enough to try and salvage what’s left of your burnt marriage license - there isn’t anything to save - you return to the main room. On your bed, Jin is already lying on the bed and passed out with a half empty water bottle on his bedside table. He looks so peaceful lying in bed that you don’t have it in you to wake him up.

So instead, you pull out your phone and record what’s left of the incident. You recount what happened during the day, what happened when you returned home, and you end it by showing yourself tucking in the “man of your dreams” and kissing his head.

“I can’t wait to show this on our 10 year wedding anniversary.” You chuckle, smoothing back the hair that falls over his forehead. You turn to the camera in your hand and smile, “You’re lucky I love you, Kim Seokjin.

#fae fic #sope-and-shine #do you have the receipt for that #kim seokjin #kim seokjin x reader #bts jin x reader #gender neutral fanfic #gender neutral reader #kim seokjin x gender neutral reader #bts jin x gender neutral reader #marriage #honeymoon #fan fiction #fanfiction #bts fanfiction

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agapaic · 4 years

Text

tianshan drabble. 💞 created for Fay @nightfayre following her matched donation to Communities United Against Police Brutality. see here for more information. thank you so much to @fantasiapegasus for proofreading! 🌸 synopsis: guan shan receives an unexpected birthday present.

‘We’ll be late,’ He Tian says, the reminder only a little impatient.

Guan Shan’s lip curls. ‘I’m not rushin’ anywhere,’ he says. ‘Not today.’

He Tian holds his hands up, like catching his fingers on a burner, and says nothing. He’d bought them both bubble tea from the café in the apartment’s lobby that morning, and now he watches Guan Shan finishing his, which is cold and sweet. Guan Shan gives it a shake. Small tapioca balls drift around at the bottom, the colour and shape of pomegranate seeds, strangely tacky on He Tian’s tongue when he accepts the proffered remnants of the cup and tips his head back. He Tian puts the empty cup on the side of the kitchen counter.

‘Now can we go?’

Guan Shan narrows his eyes. ‘You know I fuckin’ hate birthdays.’

‘I know.’

‘You know I fuckin’ hate bein’ told what to do.’

A wry smile. ‘I’m very intimate with the concept.’

‘Bein’ told what to do or me hatin’ it?’

He Tian says, ‘Yes.’ He hands Guan Shan a light jacket; the day will be warm, but the mornings are still cool, and He Tian had bought the jacket for Guan Shan’s twentieth birthday a few years ago and still admires its fit.

The café they’re going to for brunch doesn’t take bookings, but they’ve made an exception for He Tian, and Guan Shan’s mother will be meeting them there. Ordinarily, they would spend the morning fucking and He Tian would fetch a box of hot sweet bread and fresh baozi from a breakfast stall down the street. They would watch Li Ziqi on Weibo for half the day, pretending they were somewhere beautiful in Sichuan, and Guan Shan wouldn’t mind if He Tian got crumbs on the sheets.

‘We can go there,’ He Tian would say. ‘Right now—I’ll take you.’

And Guan Shan would explain, in his own way, that there was no real desire in him for it; the want was brief and insubstantial. He wanted to live Li Ziqi’s life like he wanted mushroom jiaozi instead of shrimp, a bland preference. He wouldn’t mind either way which he got.

Today, He Tian hasn’t allowed for the simple pleasure of sex and food. Today, after a year, he can offer something more. He checks his messages on his phone as they ride the elevator down to the lobby, and Qiu has sent him a thumbs-up emoji. They’re good to go. He Tian feels a little sick, and his smile feels warped on his lips when Guan Shan catches his eye in the ceiling mirror.

‘What?’ Guan Shan murmurs. They’re alone in the elevator, but the need to lower their voices is instinctive. ‘You look funny.’

‘I’m just happy,’ He Tian says. ‘It’s your birthday.’

Guan Shan looks away. ‘Fuckin’ weirdo,’ he mutters, but the corner of his mouth is tight, like he’s holding in a smile.

‘You’re not excited to see your mother?’

‘We see her every week for dinner.’

He Tian shrugs. The elevator dings; the doors slide open. They walk out into the complex’s underground car park, and He Tian’s black sports car bleeps as he raises the keys. It doesn’t fit his emaciated salary of being a nightclub bartender, but the car is an element of He Tian’s family wealth to which Guan Shan doesn’t object.

Guan Shan argued once that it defeated the point of the underprivileged image He Tian has been working on cultivating since his father struck him off—which is true, in a fashion—but money still leaks from somewhere, and He Tian wears the marks of it like an oil stain.

They get in the car, and He Tian pulls out from the car park and into the bright mid-morning air, busy with gnats and birds and the muted twang of far-off city construction work. A blackbird flits across the windshield, and He Tian is careful as he eases onto the street.

‘So,’ he says, ‘if you could have anything—’

‘Have we gotta do this every fuckin’ year?’

‘—anything, Mo Guan Shan, what would it be?’

Guan Shan sighs. ‘A pony. Buy me a fuckin’ pony.’

‘Where would we keep it?’ He Tian asks, laughing.

‘I dunno. Where do the rich fuckers in this city keep them?’

‘In stables out of the city.’ Grimacing, He Tian adds: ‘They go riding on weekends, but hire an ostler for most of the year.’

Guan Shan’s expression is comical. ‘Tell me you haven’t.’

He Tian laughs again. ‘I haven’t, I swear. I only know ‘cause friends of the family used to have horses. Still do, I suppose. It’s the kind of thing you never leave, right?’

‘Like working for the mob?’

There’s a collective pause, and then He Tian says, ‘Wow, you really do hate birthdays.’

He catches Guan Shan wince, a token of regret. He hasn’t lashed out in a while, and they don’t talk about He Tian’s family—or its business—unless they can help it. Usually, it’s He Tian remarking on some old pastime he had to endure on his father’s orders. On even rarer occasions, Guan Shan mentions it when he's indulging in a particularly foul mood and their disparate upbringings become a tool only to set them further apart.

They drive for ten minutes in silence, and Guan Shan chews on a hangnail and flicks through radio channels before switching the system off entirely.

‘You know why I hate them,’ Guan Shan says. And then: ‘Sorry.’

He Tian knows. It was only revealed to him on a night out for Guan Shan’s eighteenth birthday. Guan Shan had been drunk, and cried in the taxi on the way back to his mother’s apartment, then threw up onto the pavement with his head hanging out the doorway after the driver stopped the car.

The story went like this: it had been his birthday when his father was arrested for fraud and associated gang activity; his parents had planned to close up early and make him a cake together in the kitchens, which they’d eat slice after slice until they felt sick. Instead, police had swarmed into the restaurant in riot gear, and Guan Shan had hidden under a table in a cleaning cupboard, memorising the labels on bottles of bleach until he had a headache from the chemical fumes and a uniformed woman with a face visor pulled him out by the wrist. He’d been five, and didn’t see his mother for four days. After everything, she’d known nothing.

‘Seriously,’ He Tian says. ‘Tell me what you want.’

‘Brunch with you and my ma.’ He Tian doesn’t look at him; he sounds frustrated. ‘I’m not gonna say I want him there ‘cause he’s not gonna be there.’

He Tian checks his mirrors. ‘Guan Shan—’

‘Yeah, yeah. Don’t wish for things you’re never gonna get. I’ve learnt my lesson, whatever.’

‘Actually, sweetheart, I was going to say we’re here.’

Guan Shan blinks. Gravel crunches beneath the tyres as He Tian eases the car into a parking space in the city hall’s car park. He pushes the pedal for the parking brake, and the engine turns off automatically. Obviously, they’re not at the café.

‘I don’t understand,’ says Guan Shan, and then he looks at He Tian. ‘I swear to fuckin’ god, if there are marriage papers waitin’ in there…’

He Tian laughs loudly, startled. The thought hadn’t occurred to him, but now he wishes it had. ‘No,’ he says. ‘Not today.’

Guan Shan glowers at him, and He Tian opens his car door. ‘Come on,’ he says, nodding his head. ‘Quick detour.’

He can hear Guan Shan muttering in furious debate with himself as he unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out the car, slamming the door a little too hard. His grip is white-knuckled in He Tian’s hand when he reaches his side, and He Tian smooths his thumb across Guan Shan’s knuckles.

‘You’re sweating,’ He Tian says.

‘I don’t like surprises,’ Guan Shan grinds out, then swipes at the sheen on his forehead with the sleeve of his jacket. ‘What the fuck are we here for?’

‘I told you—’

‘That was bullshit.’ Guan Shan only looks ahead, approaching the steps with a vague grimace of contempt. A woman and man stand at the entrance in bullet proof vests, cradling guns in their arms. ‘Sorry, but it’s bullshit.’

He Tian shrugs. He flashes a badge to the officials standing at the main entrance, and says, ‘Magistrates’ hearing.’

They’re allowed in.

‘What the fuck,’ he hears Guan Shan whisper, and then pulls him through when the officials step aside, wearing sunglasses and looks that are equal in severity. Inside, the glossy hallways are cool, and He Tian becomes aware of the swiftness of his own pulse, a staccato metronome. Guan Shan looks sharply at him as they head towards a part of the building that is marked out by signs on polished chrome stands that read ‘Magistrates’ Court & Legal Offices’. Everyone they pass wears a suit; the click of women’s heels on the marble tiled flooring is loud.

Eventually, they walk through a final hallway and out into a brightly lit atrium. Mid-morning sun filters down like they’re in a church, and it makes Qiu’s hair look bright and see-through.

‘The hell is he doin’ here?’ Guan Shan asks, voice wavering with nerves. ‘He Tian—’

‘It’s alright,’ He Tian soothes. ‘Trust me.’

He Tian nods at Qiu, who is standing before a huge set of closed wooden doors with metal rivets studded down each side. Briefly, He Tian entertains the possibility that Qiu is the gatekeeper to some celestial doorway, and he squeezes Guan Shan’s hand tighter.

‘They’ve just made the ruling,’ says Qiu. ‘It’ll only take a minute.’

He Tian nods.

As a three, they stand in silence. It is the silence of men who know that something is about to happen, but don’t know exactly what. Beside He Tian, Guan Shan is shaking. He Tian has lost some of the sensation in his hand, and his pulse aches at his wrist. When he glances at Guan Shan, he can see a bead of sweat run from the crop of red hair at his temple, and down the soft slope of his ear.

Please don’t throw up, He Tian wants to say, jokingly, but then he thinks that might trigger it.

Eventually, there’s sound behind the doors, like the scraping of chairs, and a man’s voice. The three of them stand to one side as they eventually open, and a strange breath of air flows from the room, cool and hot all at once. Inside, the courtroom is disappointingly small, and there are only a handful of people: a jury, the judge, the necessary legal representatives, and a man in a suit that might once have fitted him.

He can take the jacket off, He Tian thinks, and roll up the sleeves. It’ll do for brunch.

‘Oh, you fuck,’ Guan Shan says, the words an exhale. He’s not looking at He Tian. Really, the words could be directed at anyone. There’s a bubble of hysteria welling in He Tian’s throat, and he’s not sure if he wants to laugh or cry. He does nothing, and lets Guan Shan’s hand fall from his.

‘We got him a lawyer,’ he tells Guan Shan, standing at his shoulder, speaking quietly. ‘A better one. They won the appeal.’

Guan Shan nods, but He Tian knows he’s only half listening. His mouth has fallen open. There’s a taut line between his brows where they’ve drawn together and made a ridge. He looks like he’s in pain, and He Tian supposes he probably is. How many years has he looked at his father behind a grate, or smeared glass? Fifteen? Sixteen? He Tian knows it’s more.

He watches the moment Mr Mo’s gaze meets his son’s. There’s fear there—shame, too. Mr Mo’s lawyer whispers something in his client’s ear, pats a hand to his shoulder, then walks from the hall with his briefcase and a courteous nod in He Tian’s direction. His job is done; in an hour, he’ll send an invoice. Alone, the space between them some unchartered territory, Guan Shan takes an uncertain step forward.

Like a child, He Tian thinks.

After a moment, Guan Shan takes another, and another. He’s started crying. When they’re only a foot apart, he and his father stare at each other. It lasts a few seconds, until they both smile at the startled realisation: they’re the same height. Staying where he is, He Tian watches the embrace; he can’t hear the words that follow. Their mouths move the same; their eyes are deceivingly soft. He Tian presses down his envy. He catches the words birthday and red. Mr Mo’s hands gesture to Guan Shan’s hair, appraise his clothes with pride and something like fear.

He Tian waits a few minutes before he begins to move forward. He expects Qiu to hold him back, but Qiu doesn’t. Up close, the similarities between them are unnerving.

‘Dad, this is He Tian,’ Guan Shan says when He Tian reaches his side. He Tian doesn’t touch him, but he wants to.

‘I know,’ says Mr Mo, his voice gravelly with disuse and too many cigarettes. ‘We’ve already met.’

🌸 in the footsteps of @nightfayre ‘s wonderful initiative, i’ll be filling any drabble requests following a donation to help the fund for george floyd, the black lives matter movement, or any similar cause. please read here if you would like more information! ✨

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #please REBLOG #old xian #george floyd drabble

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

Note

Pls write mini essays about phoebe + next gen and paige + next gen!!

word i’d said i’d to this then i forgot i’m doing it now i’m gonna start of with both phoebe & paige + their kids and then i’ll burn through the list

okay so for starters phoebe i think phoebe’s family wins like the “most functional” award it’s not like a landslide win y’know it’s not like piper and paige’s families aren’t function but this family is comprised of an empath advice columnist, a cupid relationship therapist, and three cupid-witches. like, they’re all kinds experts of communication and self-awareness and understanding and relationships and bond blah blah blah they being said of course they have their issues but in general it’s relatively smooth sailing there is of course the flipside when friction usually generate from the kids starts to spiral out of control and phoebe & coop will be like let’s use our words help us to understand you and where you’re coming from do some breathe exercises and the girls would be like no!! can’t we just argue like a normal family!!! can’t you just get angry at something!! but those are um few and far between. and of course like phoebe really really wanted to be a mom we all saw we all didn’t enjoy it but that’s very much canon she really wanted three daughters she got that so i think phoebe was very much like Prepared for motherhood (like as prepared as one could be). like it wasn’t like she thought it was going to be smooth sailing but like she was ready to face any challenges that could be thrown at her she was ready to put all of her love and effort into this one thing and i think for her like Mama Era from pj’s birth in 07 to peyton starting preschool in 2013 i think she really like almost exclusively worked from home she was really hands-in she was in all the mommy groups and the pta and the whatnot but like. y’know that’s like 6 years. and phoebe really loves her job. so i think she’d really have a career renaissance once all of the kids were in school i think she’d slowly start to dive back into column work i think this is when she’d start to write her book after the success of that one i think she wrote another one i think she has a fiction series posted under a pseudonym that is more of a ya magical adventure series (which paige designs all the covers for) i also think she and coop have a podcast together maybe run through the bay mirror maybe independent the point is she’s really popular (i also think she’d be the wealthiest out of the three sisters bc she makes bank and so does coop as a therapist for those not in the states therapy is like really fuckin expensive as i recently learned y’all do not know. it’s a bitch. but yeah they got money. but that’s not the point here. the point is she’s really popular). book tours, doing stuff with the podcast, guest appearances on a variety of tv shows, i think phoebe’s not like. at home a lot. or at least she’s home the least out of piper her and paige. and it’s not like her kids really mind like she is just a beam away and she always makes it to important events (and unimportant ones!) like she takes photos before every school dance and she throws birthday parties and she really dos try to make it to all of the kids soccer games but like. she’s not always just like. home all the time. and i think she’d really love to have a lot of emotional heart-to-hearts with her kids but that doesn’t always happen. if pj needs an emotional heart-to-heart, she’s gonna talk to her dad. is parker needs an emotional heart-to-heart, she’s gonna talk to pj. is peyton needs and emotional heart-to-heart she’ll position herself on the couch late at night when she knows phoebe will be coming home and just sorta sit there like waiting for phoebe to show up and go oh honey what’s wrong bc uhh peyton will not like. go to someone to talk about their problems. she has to wait to be asked. that’s just the type of person she is. lucky for her, phoebe’s an empath so she can like tell when baby peyton’s in distress but lbr she usually doesn’t need it because like peyton perches in such an Obvious manner like hi mom come comfort me please : ( even tho she’ll never like say it out loud. i think phoebe’s also like proud of her girls and their practicing of the craft bc she remembers how she felt about magic hell how she still feels about magic and she’s always telling them like follow ur heart and love is ur greatest strength (and the power of three will set you free, of course) bc her girls are cupitches y’know it’s more true than ever but like. lowkey tho. it fucking terrifies her. magic like takes, man. a lot of people she knows have died. and she just like. she doesn’t want to tell her kids no bc it was grams controlling nature that made her rebel so much so like she wants them to be able to come to her when they have a magical problem and she knows that if she tries to stop them or tells them they’re out of their league they’ll probably just stop telling her things so she doesn’t she tried to be supportive but jesus fucking christ he gets so scared sometimes. she gets so scared.

paige on the other hand had nowhere near the same experience with motherhood as phoebe bc well i think paige has the most complex relationship with motherhood set aside the fact that her kids are the only unplanned ones out of the entire next gen, she also like. she was a shit child. she was mean and violent and an alcoholic. she had committed so so many crimes before she was even 17. and she had a really good mom!! she had a mom who loved her and tried her hardest to support her and keep her from falling off the deep end who loved her unconditionally she had the best mom and she was still just a little shit! and i think that really fucks her up. like, looking back on it, she can’t imagine half the stuff she put her mom through. she was really cruel. and like!!! her mom was a good mom!! so paige doesn’t know she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. how she’s supposed to stop her kids from turning out like her. what can she do so she doesn’t have kids who end up exactly like how she was. henry isn’t like a load of help her bc henry Also never knew his parents and he jumped around from foster home to foster home and like never really felt like had a family until paige. and then like in his whole parole schtick he was definitely a hard ass he was definitely an Authority Figure bc hell that was the only way adults could get him to listen to them when he was a kid so he just kinda emulated that. however after meeting paige and really getting a feel for her whitelighter side and how she handled these situations i do think henry switched up his vibes he made the necessary changes. i also think like henry like no he wasn’t planning on having kids but i think he was really excited to become a father like he was gonna have a family like god he always wanted a family he was gonna teach his kids to play catch and he would host birthday parties stupid birthday parties with themes and balloons from safeway and friends there and goody bags the full kit and kaboodle like henry would fuckin go to bed each night dreaming about how he’s gonna do all these familial things he never got to do. bc he didn’t have a family. but paige did. she got all those things. and she was still fucked up!! so i think the conkclooshun paige landed on was that her mom tried to hard to like. like her mom saw her potential and always strived to push her to be that perfect version of paige that she saw her wonderful little angel when paige really wasn’t that paige wanted to be seen for what she was not some vision in her mom’s head and maybe that’s why she would like get drunk and steal a cop car bc she wanted her mom to see the girl standing right in from of her not an angel just paige. so paige was like. okay. i’m no gonna project onto my kids. they’re gonna be like “charmed ones” (there’s only two of them but w/e they’re really powerful witches) but i’m not gonna. i’m not gonna see them as that. i’m going to try to see them as they are and i’m going to be their Mom. i’m not gonna be some distant ethereal figure which is kinda how she felt a lot of the charges she brought to magic school viewed her bc she was this mythic charmed one and she was this she was that i think paige didn’t want to be her daughters’ whitelighter bc she didn’t want a “professional” relationship with them. there was no way she could advise her own kids the way she could advise her charges, she’s simply way too close to the situation. and she doesn’t want her kids to view her like that. she doesn’t want to be their whitelighter, she wants to be their mom. and um this really does work for the most part like she & her kids will like sit on the couch and just like yuck it up you know like the mitchell clan really is a tight knit they do all love spending time with her but. like her method of parenting really works with tamora. not so much with kat. kat’s a lot more witchy than tam is she’ll actively go out and seek out trouble she pursues the craft with a very similar hunger to what we saw in paige s5 and paige kinda hates it. like. god okay she gets it she gets it she really does. but kat’s a kid!! she’s just a kid and if she keeps looking for trouble she’s gonna get herself killed and i think whenever out god knows where doing god knows what paige just remembers that time she had to watch chris bleed out on the bed with nothing she could do. and how she- how if that happened to kat- she- she couldn’t go on anymore. that’s basically the fact of the matter. if she lost a child, she doesn’t know what she would do. give up. probably. and it’s again sorta like the inverse we see with phoebe’s free range demon hunting where paige gets so overprotective about it that kat just stopped telling her things. this gets doubled by the fact that you’re not my whitelighter, so why should you even care! and kat does view it as like a lack of faith from her mother (which is one of the reasons why kat and chris are so close) and she just wants to. she wants to prove herself. she wants her mom to see her for all that she could be, instead of just the place she’s in right now. and i do think as time passes paige learns to sort of let go of this control i think her and kat have the most difficult relationship but paige letting kat leave to take a gap year and explore the world was like a major step and kat acknowledges this to an extend she gets it was difficult for her mom but she really has no idea how much paige panicked how much it took every inch of her self control not to go out and drag kat back home because yes baby birds have to leave the nest eventually but these baby birds have a very high stab rate. um jumping over to her relationship with henry jr i think she does encourage his studying of the craft he is the most well read out of any of the next generation with wyatt taking a close second hell henry jr even knows like a bit of latin this kid is wicked smart And bonus round he’s aware he’s mortal. like yeah paige can kinda sense that it does ruffle his feather, but henry jr knows when to step away. again, henry’s really well-read. he’s brushed up on the family history. he knows the warren line is close friends with death. as a bit of a bonus round but also to give paige some peace of mind, she did give henry a basic charm that grants him the same high resistance that all witches are born with as well as cloaks him from magic bc like paige and henry sr both knew this mortal baby was gonna have a wicked high kidnap rate so they figured y’know best do all they can to Stop That from happening. the enchantment that henry jr has is a necklace it’s the same one paige wore throughout the show. bc i’d like to bring that back.

okay next gen time wyatt i think wyatt likes paige more than phoebe it’s not like a competition or anything it’s just gun to his head that’s who he’d chose bc paige really is like this witchlighter she walks the line between being charmed and being a whitelighter that wyatt can really take a lot of inspiration from he just doesn’t have that with phoebe phoebe’s a little bit more of like a love guru and wyatt’s got a weird relationship with love bc he keeps flinging himself headfirst into it and keeps getting bruiser bc of it what wyatt actually doesn’t know is almost all of the advice that has gotten him out of these troubling times has almost all been sourced from phoebe piper usually goes to her with advice when it comes to all that i mean i don’t think wyatt would like to know that post-breakup wyatt is just like kinda embarrassing he doesn’t want to know that’s being shared with the family of course he already knows he just doesn’t want confirmation

chris surprisingly closer with phoebe probably bc she’s an empath and again she has this whole free range witchcraft style that she has going if chris has a question he needs to ask somebody he’ll usually ask phoebe bc she’s the only one who won’t report back to leo bc again she’s an empath she gets it she knows what’s going on and she knows he just needs time and he and leo need some good honest communication paige also gets that but paige also watched chris die so yeah no she’s gonna snitch

melinda about and even tie melinda gets a lot of witchlightering advice from paige on finding harmony there but she’s also an empath she she spends a lot of time learning her craft from phoebe and how to focus that and apply that power to her witch/whitelighter abilities in ways paige can’t really teach her bc paige’s power is more physical that psychic/emotional. but it is like paige who gives her the groundwork on like. getting it. i think gun to her head if she had to choose she’d choose phoebe just because of those times they’d go out and do “field practice” where they go somewhere interesting and crowded and sense the wave of emotions and go out and try to pick out people from the crown it’s an art of drowning out the din and finding one you need to find a way of not getting lost in the sea of everyone else’s everchurning emotions which is nice bc it grants melinda a much wanted and needy control over empathy but it’s also nice bc it’s like. fun. phoebe always makes it fun they can always have a laugh.

tamora’s not like hella close with phoebe there’s really no reason for her to be however she is baby peyton’s favorite cousin (don’t tell the rest) simply because tamora’s both like studious and cautious and baby peyton’s tired of everyone running around trying to fight demons like what about normal life irl and stuff so i think tamora would definitely like tutor baby peyton this that and the other and so like phoebe really has like a sense of respect for tamora and tamora likes being over at phoebe’s y’know it’s not like peyton’s some snot nosed kid it’s fun she likes the vibes

kat has an appreciation for phoebe bc she definitely knows phoebe had a hand in helping her mom let go of her y’know that being said it’s not like she loves to spend time with phoebe phoebe’s both an empath and paige’s sister so like she knows that anything of note’s gonna be passed onto her mom (which isn’t like. entirely true. but it is kinda true). if kat’s gonna hang out with an empath she wants it to be one on her side so she’ll always pick melinda

henry jr okay so phoebe’s actually the opposite with henry it’s kinda like her and paige swapped places here bc paige trusts her son she knows he’s really well versed in magic blah blah blah and that he’s got y’know. common sense. he’s not gonna run into some situation half cocked and get himself killed he’s aware of his mortality. phoebe on the other hand did not raise henry so she doesn’t get him the way paige gets him; a large part of her free range ideology is the fact that her kids are basically little power loaded god their charmed and as an added boost they’re also half cupid they’ve been raised in the craft they’re insanely well trained so like. she knows that they’re capable. henry does not have their advantages. so i think phoebe really tries to hold him back isn’t quite the right word but like. it kind is. she doesn’t want him doing anything magical.

pj’s in the 07 baby squad even though she’d at the younger end of the scale so she was a grade behind mellie kat and tam but that little barbershop quartet’s p tight knit i don’t think she has like insane exposure to paige as i think cupids and whitelighter work very differently like at the most basic magical level and therefore paige’s halfling experience really doesn’t do that much to help her i think she likes paige alright but like. it’s nothing compared to like wyatt relationship with paige

parker always like runs towards danger she’s got an insane amount of energy and like a fire within her i think she’s always trying to push boundaries and break the rules eg with her cupid ring becoming an athame i don’t think she straight up asked paige bc like parker definitely views all adults as narcs but with this of that ilk parker bounces questions off paige which paige just always answers like really honestly like if parker asks a question that’s like really complex and strange paige won’t give her a roundabout answer she’ll just tell her what’s up and for that parker respects paige

peyton i think sees paige the most through tam i think she likes paige i think she’s definitely privy of the whole paige/kat situation bc like who is the family isn’t but i think she really kinda takes paige’s side her peyton thinks the real worlds insanely dangerous she doesn’t like looking for trouble and her heart lowkey goes out to paige bc she knows the whole thing with kat is a matter of love it’s just something that’s hard to work with

#wallah #next gen #charmed #charmed next generation #phoebe halliwell #paige matthews #💌#margaretsminiessays #wyatt halliwell #chris halliwell #melinda halliwell #tamora mitchell #kat mitchell #henry mitchell jr #pj halliwell #parker halliwell #peyton halliwell

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1240

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? I can’t make any dish. I wonder when I’ll get my ass up and start learning...

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? I wouldn’t dare; I have no skills in that department at all.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? Angela and Hans came over so we can watch Sowoozoo.

How many long term relationships have you been in? One.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My default is lights out, but sometimes I’ll fall asleep with my night lamp still on and that’s fine too.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? I don’t really do forgiving.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? No. I’ve tried listening to her songs but I find them too slow for my liking.

Do you know your blood type? It’s O but I keep forgetting what specific type.

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes.

Have you got your period at the moment? It’s on its last few days.

Have you ever been pregnant? Nopes.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? I was around 10 or 11, can’t remember exactly. But it was in 2009 and we headed to Boracay.

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? No. OMG, adult activity I don’t quite understand just yet hfdhfkdjfhdf.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yeah they’re both grumbling right now just outside of my room because the power went out lmfao.

When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never done this. Apples don’t grow here.

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? My pay for the last two weeks haha, but that’s not coming until Friday.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? No, I wouldn’t dare. I’m pretty unpredictable when I get drunk, so I’d rather stay safe haha. I’ve worked while tipsy, but it had been outside of work hours.

How many bedrooms are in your house? 4. One for each kid, then my parents’.

Are you smart about computers? Nah.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? We didn’t have the game on our Wii, but I’ve played Just Dance before, just at other peoples’ houses.

Do you own a Xbox 360? We were a Playstation household.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? Erm, sure, whatever.

So, do you need a nap? I think I should be taking one for the sake of my health, but I won’t.

What would you rather be doing? I stumbled upon a Facebook post of this newly-opened store in Greenhills that exclusively sells photocards and I wanna head the fuck over there rn with Angela. That store concept is practically unheard of so it’s a big deal and I wanna go there as I’m 100% sure the BTS ones would sell out pretty fast. But they heightened the stupid COVID protocols yet again and we have to stay at home, so there’s that.

What sport are you the best at? Table tennis.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah but she’s turning 21 this year, so little wouldn’t be accurate anymore. We call her Nina at home but everyone else calls her by her full first name, Janina.

Do you complain a lot? I do complain a lot but I also do the thing that is causing the complaint right after so I can shut myself up lmao.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Both sound fun but I’ll probably take the temple. Yay for learning something new about culture!!

Do you like fruity or minty gum? I don’t mind flavor when it comes to gum because they fade out anyway.

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? My company set another mental health break day this upcoming August 27th, so I’ll be thinking about that day throughout the month.

Have you ever gotten detention? We don’t have detention.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Sure.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. < Same. I can be brand-conscious sometimes, but generally if I find something cute, regardless from where I found it, I’d grab it.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Technically yeah. It was a single album.

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I already have two of them.

Ever cried so much you threw up? Possibly.

Who is your best guy friend? Hans.

What do you two do when you hang out? We usually eat out and have a drink or two.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Spotlight, just because it looked boring at first glance. It turned out to be very riveting and the screenplay was fascinating as well.

Do you even like horror movies? Yes, but they’re best watched with other people.

Do you live in the country? Nopes.

What is your favorite accent? I don’t have one.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? I had the chance to try out Pepsi when we went to Taco Bell two weeks ago - it was my first time to have it and it was...actually pretty good??? The soda-hater in me was scandalized HAHAHA but it was good!!! I think I prefer Pepsi now.

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? My 21st birthday started out terribly because Gabie’s family didn’t want her to hang out with me on a Sunday (the day my birthday fell on), so we were in an argument the whole day. Angela saved the day when she planned out an impromptu dinner + arcade date for me, and that was the only good part of the day, really. I’d rather forget the rest of it.

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? I don’t think so.

Do you take a lot of pictures? I’m starting to, now.

What kind of face wash do you use? Good ol’ water.

Does drama always seem to follow you? Not these days.

Does anybody in your family race? Nope.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? Dad, I guess. But I wouldn’t particularly call myself ‘close’ with either.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I never received money from them.

How long do you want to live with your parents? Maybe up until my mid-20s? Late-20s at the latest. I’m not exactly in the position to move out yet. The money I make at the moment would probably just be enough to cover rent, and just rent. I’d end up starving to death hahaha.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? Sure.

Do you secretly like someone? I don’t.

Would you ever date your best male friend? No. I also wouldn’t do that to Angela.

What are you currently listening to? Moon by Jin! Such a comfort song.

Do you want to be single? Yes.

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in and was knocked out pretty early since I had been up since 1 AM.

Have you pretended to like someone? No. I don’t see why I would have to that.

How is your heart lately? Just filled with nothing but Bangtan at this point haha. It’s doing well!

Are you wearing socks? No. Socks bother me for the most part; they make my feet feel a bit suffocated.

What do people call you? Robyn.

Do you get stressed out easily? Yeah, I’m quite the overthinker.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No, I’ve never actually been inside an ambulance, whether it came for me or for another person.

What is wrong with you right now? I should probably cut back on the vaping, for one.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? No.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? It’s hard for me to sleep with someone else. Even when I had been in a relationship, I usually only got to fall asleep an hour or so after my partner already dozed off.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No, I cut ties at the start of the year and have been substantially better since then.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? I honestly don’t think so. I’m the bigger crybaby between us.

Did you get any compliments today? My mom thanked me for covering for Cooper’s shots today since they ended up being quite costly.

Have you ever gone to a beach? Yes, it’s one of my absolute favorite places to be.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Pass up on the offer.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? I’ve never had the ample time to, so no. I’ve always wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter, though.

Do you have long nails? They’re not dramatically long, but they have started to grow out.

Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. < Same.

Do you generally look nice in photos? I think this is the case these days, yeah. I’ve started feeling more confident and I think it’s able to translate in photos.

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No.

What colour are your father’s eyes? Dark brown.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? BTS DUH

Name three facts about your family? I come from a family of lawyers; many of us are big history buffs; and many are also fantastic cooks so I don’t know where that talent could have possibly gone when it come to my generation hah.

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? If I’ve reached a certain level of investment in the relationship, I could probably handle it.

What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? A Punk shirt and Petals For Armor physical CD from Andi this last Christmas.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. < Yessssss!

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I don’t.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carving pumpkins sounds fun, especially since I haven’t tried it before.

Do you think you’re important? Idk. I don’t really like drawing attention to myself though, so that could probably answer your question.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Andi wrote a letter for me to accompany the aforementioned Christmas gifts they gave, and it remains to be my favorite letter I’ve received. They essentially reminded and affirmed me that I’m stronger than I think I am, and that I’ve been through a lot and have grown a lot, and that that growth is seen by people around me.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? No.

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? Just to different cities, but considering how tiny my country is, the move is quite insignificant lol.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? I’m 100% sure I don’t know how to properly hold chopsticks, but I have my own way and it works lol. Fake it til you make it.

Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. < Same. I don’t mind leading, especially considering the control freak I can be lolol.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten anything today. I skipped breakfast since I brought Cooper to the vet, and by the time I got back the dining table had already been cleared. It’s fine though, I don’t feel too hungry.

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? I’d be with Angela, Reena, and Hans at that insane new photocard store I talked about earlier. IDEALLY, we’d probably pick up a photocard or two if the ones we want aren’t sold out yet (lol a rarity), then we’d have some nachos and stuff right after and just talk about all things Bangtan lol with Hans cracking us up the whole time since he is just naturally hilarious.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? Content. Happy. I feel warm and loved and surrounded by the best people.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? Learning how to cook is one.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? Not really.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Being in the purple ocean with my best friends.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? A part of me wishes my final face-to-face conversation with Gabie had been a more solid closure, just so we could finally put a hard stop to that chapter. But at that time I thought we would continue talking, so there had still been some stuff lingering in the air when we called it a day and parted ways. So in a sense we never really got closure when I finally cut ties, which the ESTJ in me remains to be nagged by, but I try not to be bothered by it anymore considering how much better I am doing right now. We didn’t know the future at the time, so it’s okay the way things turned out, ultimately.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I have no clue. It’s not really a priority.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I’m fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ Nah.

How many drugs are in your system? Just caffeine.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Werkwerkwerkwerk.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? Nopes.

Do you call anyone baby? I don’t.

What’s your current mood? I’m prety neutral. I wish I could be out right now, but stupid Covid and stupid quarantine. But I don’t really mind staying at home, either, so. I’m just so-so.

Do you think you are a good person? I hope so.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? I watched Sunday mass with my family.

How late did you stay up last night? Around midnight.

When was the last time you cried really hard? I cried just a few days ago because period hormones, but the last time I cried hard? I’m not sure. April maybe?

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? LOL yes it’s soooooooo long already.

#survey #surveys

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christineeej94 · 4 years

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Everything is better with you ❤

a/n: so, I’m going to post again but I’ll post an imagine at 2-3 days apart. I love you for making my days specials. Stay safe and great. Kisses🌻

the request:

Anonymous said:

Hellooo I wanted to request an Aron Piper quarantine imagine where him & the reader are together & even though they live together they can’t go out an celebrate their anniversary but Aron surprises her with a really special anniversary that wasn’t expecting at all. This quarantine would be a lot better if I was quarantined with him 😩🥵

Warnings: a little bit of smut (+18) and bad language. Also, bad writing cause I’m a bad bitch 😂😂

Word count: 2.000

Arón Piper x Reader

♠♠♠♠♠

I put the spaghetti bowl on the table next to the plates. When the quarantine started, I begun to be good friend with the kitchen and my boyfriend doesn’t complain. Being locked in the house with Arón it was l like a beautiful fairy tale. We are together for a year and this situation with the virus caught me at his house, so we decided to stay here until everything is going to be better. “Babe, this is the only bottle of wine in this house.” He said and comes with the bottle in his hands. A huge throwback passed my mind. That’s the same wine that we drink in the night we met.

Flashback

I order a Martini with three olives and I wait for the bartender to bring me the drink and I examine the bar. It’s Friday night and I’m at a friend birthday party. We are going together to the same University, but she doesn’t care that much about me. I helped her sometimes, but she isn’t like a true friend to me. All her rich friends are singing ‘happy birthday’ for her and I miffed my lips. Why I came here in the first place? I take a sip from my drink and search the bar. It’s full, a lot of people who drinks or eats, dance and smoking. Sometimes I’m asking myself. “Why are you so boring, do something fun. Get drunk, make friends, hock up with a random guy and live your life.”

But I’m a nerd and I stay to much in the house to enjoy other activities. “A glass of champagne for this beautiful girl.” A handsome boy with brown and curly hair smiled to me and the barman approves his order. “So now tell me you don’t have a boyfriend who’s coming to beat my ass.” I laugh and he seems nice. “I’m alone.” I said and this sounds very sad. “Actually, I’m at a party but I’m not feeling right in their group” I talk taking a sip from the champagne glass. I pointed the loudly group of people and he smirks. “Yeah, they seem nice. But why are you still here if you don’t feel right?” he sits in the chair next to mine and he so close to me, I can feel his strong cologne. He is tall and had a masculine body. “I thought I can find something fun to do.” I let empty the glass and I get up. “Thank you for the drink, it was nice to meet you. Good night.” I greet him and smiling I took my purse and I went to bathroom before I had to leave this place.

“Sorry, but I can’t let you go like that.” I feel a hand is catching mine and I turn around to see the guy from the bar. “Come to my place and you will not regret this night.” He smiled gently and I nodded. “I don’t know your name.” he grins and runs his hand through this messy hair. “I’m Arón. You?” “(Y/N). Nice to meet you.” I shake his hand and I added. “But I’ll feel good if you come with me at my place.” I told him and he approves. “Let me to say good bye to my friends and we can meet in the parking lot.”

OMG (Y/N), what are you doing? You just invited a total stranger at your home. But he is cute and seems like a good person. And tomorrow he will forget me. Just a one-night stand.

I jump in his car and I gave him the indication for my home location. “So, you born in Madrid?” he asked when he park his car. “No, my family lives near to Valencia.” “My family lives in Valencia” he said and I get out the keys. My hands are shaking and I barely unlock the front door. “Nice apartment” he comments and I laugh. “Yeah, it’s a small place, but it’s comfortable.” I took off my heels and my feet already feel better. “Feel like home. I’m going to get something to drink.” I went to my pantry and find my only bottle of wine that I have.

“I just have this wine, I’m sorry but I usually don’t drink too much.” I smiled blushing and Arón grins. He had a white shirt and some jeans, also, he looks so big comparative with my small couch. “Actually, I don’t do anything fun.” I looked in a different direction and he comes closer. “I can make you feel fun.” He kissed my neck and millions of sensations passed my body.

End of Flashback

That was the best night of my life. And then a lot more comes. Every day and every night that I spent with Arón were amazing. He makes me to feel free and we done so many things together. He changed my life completely and I’m very grateful for this. “Amor, you can hear me or should I call someone?” he laughs and he kisses my nose. “Sorry, I was thinking at you and how much you changed me.” I replied and I put some food in the plates.

“I didn’t change you, mi amor, you were already like this but I just helped you to find your wild spirit.” Arón puts some wine in the tall glasses and some ice cubes. “Actually, tomorrow it’s our anniversary. You want to do something fun in the house?” he talks with the mouth full of food and I almost spill my drink because of laughing. “The usual stuff. I know we planned something for this but this can wait. Plus, every day with you is special.” I winked and he blows a kiss to me. I mimed that I catch it and put it on my lips. “So, you don’t get mad if go out and solve some things?” “Of course not, baby, go and when we come back, I’ll try to do your favorite meal and we can do some ‘fun activities’.” I Put myself on top of him and I run my hands through his short hair. “I love you.” He moaned and I feel his erection growing under me. “I love you.”

In the morning I get up pretty late and it’s not like a have something to do. I found a note next to a beautiful bucket of peonies.

“Happy anniversary, my love, I love you.

-Arón”

Simple and cute. I smiled like a crazy person and I started to dance while I get ready for today. I’m going to wait for him in an attractive outfit because in those days he saw me just in basic clothes. After a long bath and after I dried my hair, I put on a silk pink dress and some sandals with high heels. I arranged the apartment and I order some food.

But he is late and I started to get concern about his arrival. “Hey, babe, where are you?” I said when he answered. “I got a little busy, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.” Arón said rushed and I heard a door slammed. He closed the call and I fell on the couch. The delivery boy arrived soon and I put the food on some plates and I wait for my boyfriend to come. I receive a message while I was waiting.

From Arón ❤: “Get out.”

I open the front door and I see an aisle made with a lot o flowers. I walk until I get in front of the stairs.

From Arón ❤: “Go upstairs and something is waiting for you on the rooftop.”

I smiled and my heart is beating so fast. I am so nervous right now and my legs are shaking so hard. I open the heavy door which leads to the rooftop and a beautiful song came on. On the rooftop are a lot of flowers and candles. In the middle is a table where my boyfriend is sitting. “You’ve done this, amor?” I get closer and he lifts me in his arms. His beautiful parfume hugged me and made me very dizzy. “Claro, you deserve more than this but all this situation got us caught and I can’t give you more.” We kissed and the sun fade little by little giving us a breathtaking sunset. Arón hands are on my waist and he hold me tight to his body. I put my hands on his face and I look deep into his hazel eyes. “This is more than I imagine to be. It’s amazing and now I’m feeling bad because I order food and I didn’t cook for you.” I giggle and he grins. “You made some many things to me, that’s I want you to feel like a queen today and after this day. And I have a question for you.” I nodded and he takes a deep breath before talking. “Do you want to move with me after the quarantine is over?” his voice is shaking and I froze for a couple of seconds.

“You are serious?” I said and he nodded smiling. “Yes, I want.” I replied and he kissed me. And now it’s time for gifts.” He takes my hand and drag me until we got on the edge of the rooftop. I catch the balustrade in my hands and he pointed the parking. “You see that car with a bow on it? It’s yours.” He smiled and wait for me to respond.

I told him a while ago that I wanted to buy a car but I didn’t have the exact amount and I give up for a moment. “I can’t believe you done this.” I pinch his arm and I laugh. I stop and I smiled and my eyes got watery. “This is too much, arm. Thank you so much but you done so many things for me already.” He stopped me, putting his finger on my lips. “Amor, it was my pleasure and you made so many things for me too. Thank you for being with me, support me and care for me. I love you and please don’t refuse my gift.” He explains himself and I nodded. “I have a gift too. But I left it in the house.” “Good, because I’m starving and I’m starting freeze here.

We got back in the house and his hands doesn’t left my body. “Actually, I had two gifts. First, it’s more for your habit.” I handle him a black matte box. He opened it and found inside a Zippo lighter with his initials graved on it. “That’s so nice.” Arón winked at me and I blushed. “And this one is more personal. I know you wanted me to have a tattoo so I made one when you left a week ago to Valencia to your parents.” I explain and he looked at me curious. I undress my dress and he gasp his mouth. Under my left boob is tattooed and ‘A’ with his hand writing. “Oh, baby, this is beautiful and match you so good.” He kisses the tattoo and I had goosebumps. I moaned lightly and he smirks. “That’s why you didn’t let me to fuck you?” he said and I moaned when he sucks my nipple. “Then you need to let me now cause, I wanted you for so long.” I smiled and I take off his shirt. I kissed his warm skin and he lifts me in his arms going to our bedroom.

“¡Joder! Amor don´t kill me.” He groans and I pull down his pants. “Forget the prelude, I want you now.” His words made me so wet and when he pushed himself inside me, I felt like my entire body is going to break. “Arón.” I scream his name and his hands tighten my ass. He pumped harder and harder and I cum so fast because I don’t realize when he changed his condom. “You will not sleep all night baby, be ready for this.”

#aron piper imagine #aron piper #aron piper x reader #aron piper x you #elite imagine #elite #elite cast #anniversary #quarantine

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #336

"get back, you’re never gonna leave him / get back, you’re always gonna please him”

What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid? When I was a very little kid, idk. But once I got into meerkats... I drew them like crazy. Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel? No. Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye? Ugh, let's not. When did you feel the most confident in your life? Probably my senior year of high school. I was happy with Jason with plans for the future together, I was doing excellently in school... I thought I was really going to go somewhere. Do you think love is needed to have good sex? For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in? Fuuuuuuuck no, I hate it here. What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered? Probably when I was otw home from my doctor appointment and we passed a random guy in drag walking on the side of the street... That guy is an icon. Favourite soft drink? It's really strawberry Sunkist, but I love it to a degree I don't even allow myself to drink it, because I will fucking destroy that shit so quick. So I tend to just say Mountain Dew Voltage is my fave. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy, period. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No, but it sounds fun. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhhh idk. Who depends on you the most? My snake. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Yes; William Clark and Queen Victoria or Queen Elizabeth, idr which. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Mom. She only has one kidney, so, y'know. She kinda needs at least one. I wouldn't even hesitate. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Unconditional love. What three things do you think of most of each day? My weight is #1. Every second of every day, it, as well as Jason, are somewhere towards the front of my mind. The final is financial and job-oriented stuff. Does/did your high school have pop machines? It did. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yeah. How often do you use Flickr? I pretty much abandoned my account; nowadays I only occasional check my friend's profile who works at the Kalahari Meerkat Project because she uploads wonderful pictures of the 'kats as well as gives interesting info about them! Who is the last child that you took a photo with? Mom took a picture of me holding my youngest niece Emerson because it surprised everyone; I NEVER hold babies. She crawled over to me and reached up though, so of course I was going to pick her up. How often do you wear hats? Never. Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Sure! Idk what, but I'm rather sure I'll get at leaast one. Is anyone in your family sick at the moment? No. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my younger sis is a social worker. Where is your favorite place to buy groceries? Wal-Mart, I guess. Who do you generally talk to the most? My mom. Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname? Mom is "Mama Bear," and then my siblings are "Little Sister" and "Big Sister." Whose birthday is coming up? My lil sister has her birthday in April. Have you ever ordered from an informercial? No. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? I needed to get blood drawn for some testing. It was drawn from my inner elbow, obviously at the doctor. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? I never have, but it'd be fun. I enjoy puzzles. How many followers do you have on Instagram? I don't feel like checking. What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts? "Mutter" by Rammstein. I picked a screenshot from it to draw, so I rewatched it to select one. It's a beautiful video, but also strange, which Rammstein is great at. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. What makeup products are your go-tos? If I wear makeup, the bare minimum is black eyeliner. Are you going to school this year? No. I gave college as many shots as I could handle both sanity-wise and with finances in mind. I do NOT want to even ATTEMPT to imagine the debt I have after going to three different colleges and dropping out each time. What is your favorite water activity? I enjoy just kinda swimming around aimlessly, relaxing. What are your favorite video games? Okay, I talk about SH2 and SotC enough on questions like this, so I'll mention some others I really enjoy as well: the Silent Hill franchise in general, Spyro games, The Last Guardian, both The Evil Withins, The Last of Us, some Resident Evil games (the 4th in particular), etc. etc. I just love video games. Do you like jello? I enjoy the flavor, but the texture makes me squirm. When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?" Probably while riding in the car with Mom when a dumb motherfucker swerved into our lane. Or something like that, idr the exact occasion. Have you ever held a snake? Yesssss, I want to hold all the snakes. ;_; Most unique place you’ve ever been to? Uh. I guess maybe the Whirligig Park/"Acid Park" nearby us? It's just this large expanse of unique architecture that are mostly, as you guessed it, extravagant whirligigs. You've got to see it if you come to the town. I have some pictures on my deviantART if you wanna see a few pieces. If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be? NO CAPES! Have you ever slept out on your porch all night? Oh fuck no. I'd feel way, way too unsafe. Do you like horror movies? Yeah! What’s your favorite Coke product? Just normal Coke. Watergun or water-balloon war? Watergun. I don't like being hit with stuff. Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators? I kind of am. Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex? I have three plushies from Jason, Tyler, and Girt. My Marilyn Manson poster is also from Juan. Who’s your favorite Beatle? I don't know; I was never a big fan, so I don't know any of them as people well at all. Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go? I've never been drunk, but no, I've never texted an ex because I was drinking. Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend? I don't have one. The only instance where I had to do that was with Girt. Tall motherfucker. Have you ever been tackle-hugged? Yes. Those are the best. Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before? Girt once tried to make out with me and I noped the fuck outta that situation. It was so fucking awkward. Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before? My nightmares definitely can. Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way? I definitely believe my mental illnesses forced me to mature faster and also instilled a great sense of empathy in me. And don't forget emotional endurance. What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line? It's dangerous and can be very blinding. An outsider could say I put Mark on a pedestal, but I've always been very aware that he's not perfect and really just another human, I just happen to love him a lot for the human he is, haha. As time's passed, my vision of him has become healthier though (not to say it ever reached the "unhealthy" threshold); it's gotten easier for me to judge him and stuff like that. I think an obsession crosses the line when you put on rose-tinted glasses to look upon someone and entirely ignore their flaws, or if you try to invade their personal lives, ex. being one of those creeps that loiter outside their houses and stuff. If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph? Ah, livin' the dream. If I had to choice and would be paid well regardless of focus, I would absolutely travel and photograph the local nature/wildlife. Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others? Shirts, 100%. Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited? When it comes to OCs, yes, given that things have been stolen from me before. Photography doesn't worry me much because I don't think I'm good enough for someone to possibly want to steal it (and besides, I use a watermark), and I do the same for drawings. It's the unique characters I make I worry about being stolen if I share them. When is the last time you did something sexual? A few years back. Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone? I haven't showered with someone since I was a little kid and my younger sister and I would to conserve water. What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road? It really makes me genuinely sad, and I always wonder if it could have been avoided if the driver was more alert, slower, and thinking about more than the damage it could cause to their car... I enjoy photographing roadkill, brutal as it may be, out of respect for them and the desire to make their individual stories known and just kind of like, raise awareness of it. Too many people are just annoyed by hitting an animal versus more concerned. "Stupid deer," stuff like that. I sometimes worry that doing so can be interpreted as disrespect, to photograph and publish pictures of their corpses online, but I sure hope not. It's the least of my intentions. I just want people to see and care. Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over? Biiiitch I was that ex, 120%. But besides my situation with Jason, this was how Tyler was. I had to tell him about five thousand times to stop texting me. Are your fingernails currently short or long? They're always pretty short. Would you rather have big or small dogs? I like medium-sized dogs most. I'd have to pick large dogs between the two, though. What is your favorite sports drink? I'm not a fan of sports drinks. What was the last compliment you gave a guy? Yesterday, a guy in PHP shared two poems he wrote while hospitalized, and they were wonderful, so full of passion and emotion. I sure as hell told him they were amazing. He's going for his Master's for poetry, so he knows what he's doing for real. Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It's popped on very, very few occasions. Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”? I don't want kids, so no, I've never thought of this. I certainly wouldn't wait for sex ed in school, though. I feel like it's a bit late. I feel children need to know what it's about at a younger age with how disgusting some people are... I want them to be informed on what consent and molestation are so they know to let Mama know so I can punch someone's face into a whole new galaxy if they're ever violated. Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something? Oh, always. Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did as a kid, sure. Not so much now. If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? If they were truly sick enough to need assistance but not actual hospitalization, yes. I'd want my spouse to do the same for me. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yyyyep. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Did you actually have a cookie jar? We have a Santa one, though I don't even know if we ever used it versus just having it as a decoration. What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? Bottom lip. Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life? "Ruin" it seems a bit extreme, but I definitely wouldn't like it. Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie. Not really, if we're only talking those two options. Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable? Yeah, you really can find the coolest shit for great prices. What color is your wallet? Mostly red and white; it's a Harley Quinn design. Have you ever been somebody's photography subject? No. Nicki Minaj fan? I believe she's a very talented rapper, but I don't enjoy her actual music. I just don't like rap. Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls? No, I wish tho.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''angel with the scabbed wings'' by marilyn manson

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patheticwithanem · 3 years

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2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL.

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier.

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice.

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times.

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again.

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm).

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well.

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music.

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH.

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go.

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body.

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT.

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good.

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter.

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake.

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight.

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all.

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time.

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did.

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable.

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together.

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room!

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year.

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it.

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA.

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020.

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life.

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

Do you weigh less than 130 pounds? Yeah, quite a bit less.

Do you straighten your hair every day? No. I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What kind of car do you drive? I don’t drive.

What’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake, and cookies and cream are good. I haven’t had ice cream in quite awhile, though.

Do you wear earrings daily? No. It’s been awhile since I’ve worn earrings as well.

Do you prefer purple or green grapes? Green.

When’s the last time you got your eyebrows waxed? I only got them waxed once and I was like 14.

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. Talk about claustrophobia. And I have no desire to do so anyway.

Did your last kiss mean anything to you? Yeah.

How’s your hair right now? It’s up in its usual messy bun.

Have you ever wanted to go to Australia? I would love to.

What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? I’m not as into fast food as I used to be, but the ones I go to when I do have it are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, McDonald’s, and Jack in the Box.

When’s the last time you washed your hands? A few hours ago.

Who were you with the last time you were drunk and where were you? I was with a group of friends in a hotel room I rented for my birthday back in 2013.

What is one thing within the last year that if it had gone differently you feel might have changed things now? If I had done some things I should have been doing and managing things better regarding some of my health related issues.

What is something that you associate with summer? The miserable heat.

Have you ever ran around outside completely naked? Uh, no. Absolutely not.

When you’re hungry, does your stomach hurt? Sometimes. My body is super dramatic like that. I’ll feel weak sometimes and it’s like omg stop acting like you haven’t ate in days.

Would you say that you have a nice smile? No.

Have you ever walked in on your parents doing something kinky? Ahhhh, no.

Do you use mouthwash? No.

Do you eat anything out of a box? Yeah.

When’s the last time the fire alarm in your house went off? It’s never gone off. The only time it has made noise is when the batteries need to be replaced.

Can you be trusted with secrets? Yes.

Pill to make you braver or one to make you smarter? Braver. I’d be able to get some things taken care of that I’ve put off because I’m anxious and scared.

Are you in a hurry to grow up? I am grown up at 31 I guess, but I’m in no hurry to get older. I was never in any hurry.

When was the last time you used a bar of soap? Yesterday when I showered.

Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Yes. I’m big on that.

Have you ever been locked in a car with a bf/gf? No. How would we be locked in the car?

Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? No.

How many true best friends are present in your life? No friends, but I have my family.

Do you currently have a significant other? Nope.

Do your parents approve of the people you hang out with? They never had an issue with any of my friends.

Would you be able to stand being in the same room as someone you hate? I don’t hate anyone, so.

Have you ever lost a close friend? Yes.

Think of your current or last bf/gf. Do you/did you love them? I did.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? I’m single, but no one said anything about the way my exes looked.

Have you ever stayed up late talking to a bf/gf on the phone or online? Yes.

Do your friends like the people you date? Do their friends like you? They had an issue with Joseph because they saw what I didn’t want to see, which was that he was using and playing me and wasn’t treating me right. I haven’t had an issue with their friends.

Do your parents let you date, or do you sneak around? I’m 31 years old. I can’t blame my non-existent dating life on that haha.

Have you ever felt backstabbed by a close friend? Yes.

Do you have any handshakes with anybody? No.

Do you feel you can rely on anybody to always be there for you? I know my family will always be there.

Have you ever regretted ignoring anybody? I’ve pushed people away and messed up good things. :/

What has been the stupidest reason someone has broken up with you? Joseph just didn’t want to commit. He wanted me when it was convenient and when he felt like it.

Have you ever kissed someone in their bedroom, or in yours? No.

Has a friend of yours ever confessed their love to you? No.

Have you gone out with someone, then ruined the friendship you had before? My first boyfriend and I were good friends before we started dating and yeah it definitely changed things after.

Can you trust any of your friends at full capacity? No friends. I trust my family, though.

Is the word 'love' even in your vocabulary? Yes.

Who do you think is more confusing, males or females? People are confusing.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? No.

Do you have any pictures of yourself with a bf/gf? I have photos of myself and my exes.

Do your friends know how to make you smile in tough times? My family does. My doggo always can.

Has anybody said they loved you, but you didn't love them back? Yes.

Is there anyone you don't like that always seems to be everywhere you are? No.

Is there anyone you care about more than you care for yourself? My family.

What/who do you take the most pictures of? My doggo.

How long did you spend in a vehicle today? I’m not going anywhere today.

When you make a mess are you more likely to clean it up right away, or do you get to it later? I clean it up right away.

Who do you blame for your bad mood today? I’m just annoyed because yesterday I slept until 6PM and today I’ve hardly slept at all, I kept getting up like every hour. It’s 10AM now and I first fell asleep around 6, so yeah not much sleep going on. :/

By what age would you like to be married? I don’t plan on getting married.

What are you looking forward to right now? Nothing at this moment.

Do you have any split ends? Yes.

Is there a book you're currently reading? Yeah, I’m finishing up this book called, “Anything for You” by Marissa Finch.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? It’s been awhile. :/

The last time you cried, what was wrong? Oh ya know, life.

Do you sleep with a fan on? Yes, even now in the winter.

What's the last video game you played? Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

What do you usually drink at meals? Coffee or water.

Are you going to a library tomorrow? No.

Do you sleep better during thunderstorms? No, but I do enjoy them.

Has anyone pissed you off based on their actions recently? Yes.

What language did you take up in high school? I took Spanish all 4 years.

You’re single, correct? Yep.

Is the last person you texted good looking? My mom is beautiful.

At this very moment, what exactly are you doing? Besides the obvious I’m listening to an ASMR video.

How do you feel about girls smoking? I don’t care what gender is doing it, I personally don’t like it.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? No. Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Is the person you last texted in a relationship? Yeah, my mom is with my dad.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Do you like “good morning” texts? I don’t get those.

Last movie you watched? Wonder Woman 1984.

Name something you like about winter: I love Christmastime, the weather, the clothes, the colors, the smells, the coziness...all of it.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Would you rather be called hun or baby? I don’t really care for either one.

Is there someone that you miss being close with? Yes.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? When I was little.

Does anyone completely understand you? I don’t think completely. I certainly don’t completely understand myself.

In the last 12 months can you say you truly cared about someone? My family.

You were single last month, why? Uhh, because I’m not interested in or talking to anyone in that way. Like, there’s literally no one right now. No one is interested in me either.

Would you rather get 1, 12, or 24 roses? I’d appreciate any amount.

What is something you like to do when you’re down? Cry and one of my go-to activities I do normally as a distraction.

Do you believe teenagers can fall in love? Sure.

Have you ever received a text message that made you cry? Yes.

Did you enjoy your summer? Last summer was even worse because I wasn’t able to go to the beach, which is the only thing I like about summer.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? I tend to just keep ‘em on.

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Yes.

Is any part of you sad at all? All of me.

Do you like your first name? Sure.

What’s most stressing right now? Health and life stuff.

What are you listening to currently? An ASMR video.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? Not recently.

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex? Whichever.

Do you judge people you don’t know? Not to the point that I don't want to get to know them, but yeah. <<< That’s a good way of putting it. Like, I think we all judge people to some extent and that’s normal and not always a bad thing, but some people are judgmental people and they make up their own assumptions and opinions without getting to know a person. They have their mind made up and it stops them from getting to know someone.

Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you? I guess anyone is capable of doing so, so it’s something that could possibly happen in any relationship. However, if I knew someone had in fact cheated before or was known for that, then no I would not. Even if they had cheated once it would be something I’d worry about happening to me.

Did you sleep alone last night? I always do.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? I’m kinda hungry, but meh.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none? None, hands down. I don’t even want one kid, let alone TEN.

Do you tell your mom or dad everything? I tell my mom a lot.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? It would absolutely matter to me if they smoked cigarettes.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Yes.

Do you have siblings? I have two brothers.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

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