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ash-whimsicalfanfic · 1 year

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Serendipity (CH 4)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs X Fem OC/Reader

Word Count: 2353

Warning: Mild language, fluff, smut, angst…

Prompt: You have a major crush on Gibbs, however you choose to push it away as you fear he doesn’t feel the same way. Suddenly there is a bunch of chances that lead to a happy ending…

As much as I hated being away from work for a week, I dreaded coming in today. Gibbs hasn't seen me since he left me at the hospital. I bite my lip, staring at the building. I shouldn't of said anything. I always knew he wasn't going to feel the same way.

I brush my red hair over my shoulders, an impulsive decision. I was wearing a white v-neck, a black blazer and black dress pants.

My makeup was natural although I lined the eyeliner a little heavier this morning. I was trying to feel more like myself, but I couldn't get there. I grab the gift bags and my purse before heading inside.

I was here before everyone, eager to work, but hoping to avoid everyone. I drop a present at everyone's desk before heading to autopsy and leaving Ducky and Palmer theirs. I go to Abby's lab and leave hers there. I go back to my desk, working on some paper work before I was called back to talk with the shrink—apparently required after almost dying.

I was short with her, eager to get away. She kept going though, repeating questions no matter how many times I answered. By the time she'd given up—an hour and a half later—I was furious. I walk out of her office entering the bullpen.

"I don't ever remember the shrink being so...so persistent! Argh! I need Abby." I grumble, slumping in my chair.

"Y/N, you just had to answer the questions." Tim says.

"I know that. I did. But, I didn't realize that being short with her resulted in repeats. I was in there for an hour and a half." I grumble.

"Everyone is just worried about you." He says.

I knew Gibbs was staring, but I chose to ignore his stare. I put my hands on my face, taking a deep breath. I needed to let it out.

"What's with the new hair?" Tony asks.

"I'm trying to feel a little more me. But, it didn't work and I probably look stupid." I grumble.

"I think red suits you." Gibbs says.

"Agreed. It makes your eyes pop and suits your complexity." Ziva says.

I lay my head on my desk, trying to gather myself. I felt like I was falling to pieces and no one was seeing me. I take a deep breath, standing and walking to the stairs. I head to Abby's lab and she grins.

"Your back!" She exclaims, pulling me into a hug.

"Oh Abby, I've missed you so much. You don't even know it." I murmur, hugging her tighter.

"Awe! I missed you too, Y/N/N!" She exclaims.

I felt normal with Abby. With her...I felt more myself than I have this past week. She listened while I ranted until Gibbs called her, saying he needed me back upstairs. I had left my phone, so makes sense.

I grab my phone and sketch pad as I follow the team. Due to my spectacular profiling skills, my mind seemed to play out every crime scene. It was easier for me to draw than talk. I could do both, but the pictures came to mind before the words.

"Thank you, for the present. How'd you know I've been wanting that book?" Ziva asks.

"You've been talking about it. You also saw a quote online and hung it on your bulletin board." I say and she smiles.

"Nothing ever gets passed you, does it Y/N/N?" She asks.

"No. I can't help I'm observant. I'm also a pretty good profiler." I say.

"Sounds more of an FBI job." Gibbs grumbles.

"If you want me gone Gibbs, don't be shy. Use your words." I say, staring ahead.

The doors open and I walk past him, hitting his shoulder. Was I hurt he'd say something like that? Yeah, I was. I worked my ass off on this team and this is what I get. I keep silent, deciding to go in the van today rather than with Gibbs.

He grabs my arm before I could climb up into the van. I huff, trying to pull my arm free, but I couldn't. I get in the car, looking out the window.

"Do we have a problem, Y/L/N?" He asks.

I keep silent, staring out the window as my eyes watered. I can't imagine leaving this team. This team has been the best team I've ever been on. They're my family. He slams on the brakes, before pulling the car over.

"I asked you a question. When I ask a question, you answer it." He snaps.

"Do you really want me gone, Gibbs? Is it about what I said? Because if it is, just forget I said anything. I shouldn't of said anything. I see that now. But, I couldn't die with that secret weighing me down. So, please...can we move past that. I know I shouldn't of said anything. I know nothing can happen because you don't feel that way and rule twelve. I get it, Gibbs. I have my answer. Now, can you please drive to the crime scene? Please?" I ask, staring out the window to hide my tears.

"I don't want you on this team because it'd make it so much easier. I do like you, but your right. I have rule twelve in place for a reason. I made the rule. I can't break that rule. That's why I don't want you on my team. However, I want you on my team because we are family. I don't know what we'd do without you. But, you need to try to forget those feelings...it isn't healthy dwelling on something you can't have." He says.

I was silent as he started to drive. As we neared the crime scene, I wiped my cheeks clean, opening my sketch pad. I was quick to get out of the car, walking around the house slowly to clear my mind.

I walk in and look around. The wife and husband were sprawled out on the floor. I sketch away, keeping in mind about the domestic violence call to their home. They were arguing and apparently it continued after the officer left.

Cheating?

Financial troubles?

Loveless relationship?

I write my thoughts on the top corner of the page, kneeling beside the bodies as I investigate them.

"What is she doing?" An officer asks.

"She's doing her job. She has very special skills. Can practically predict what happened on each scene. So, she sketches." Tony says.

"Is she single?" He asks.

"Yeah." Tim says.

"She isn't looking right now." Gibbs says.

I roll my eyes, continuing my sketch. I stand, moving to kneel beside the other body. I stand, moving through the room. I get to an empty room, noticing boxes. My heart drops to my stomach noticing it was baby items. I go back to the living room and see Ducky is here.

"Ducky, could you lift her shirt? Just to show her stomach." I say.

Despite his confusion, he lifts the baggy hoodie and I see it in his eyes like mine. The woman definitely had a baby bump. My eyes water and I quickly walk back to the room that was meant to be the nursery. I sit on one of the boxes, sketching a baby.

Not the husbands baby?

Could it be a secret lovers child?

Or a jealous ex-lover?

Again, I take tab of my notes as I make my way to the bathroom. I study the products before heading to the couples bedroom. They weren't sleeping in the same room. She had the bedroom.

"Y/L/N! Are you done yet!?" Gibbs calls.

I stay silent, kneeling as I continue sketching. I pull my gloves on and I open drawers. I walk to the backyard and look around. It was quiet and peaceful back here. There were woods behind the home. I notice something on the ground between the trees.

I walk out and kneel. It was a cigarette box and a bunch of cigarettes. I grab the camera that was hanging around my neck and snap a few pictures. I grab an evidence bag out of my pocket and bag it. I take my gloves off, before sitting on the ground a little ways behind the spot I found the buds and facing the back of the house.

I heard the doors open as I sketched a shadowy silhouette standing between the trees, smoking and watching the house.

"Y/N? What the hell? I've been calling for you." Gibbs snaps.

I stand, looking around. I snap a picture of some boot print before looking up at Gibbs.

"Why tell me you have feelings? Why not lie and make it easier? Knowing you have feelings for me isn't going to make this easier, Gibbs. Why do you have to follow that stupid rule anyway? You know Tony and Ziva aren't. So, why can't you break it?" I ask.

"We are doing a case right now, Y/L/N." He sighs.

"I'm aware. I've determined our unsub wears military boots, size thirteen. He's probably six foot two. I'd say he's got a heavy build or he's heavier set by the boot prints. He's a chain smoker. He's been staking out here, stalking our victims. Right through that window, bam. You have the perfect site of the kitchen and living room. The sliding doors, bam. Perfect view of the hallway. He was able to see when they were in separate rooms. Took care of the husband first then the wife." I say.

"And how do you know the wife was saved for last?" He asks.

"Her murder was overkill. She was the target. Our unsub was angry with her. Stab wounds to the chest, mostly the heart which could be his way of showing heartbreak. The shot to the head was done postmortem and could be a sign of executing her once and for all from his life. The husband was shot instantly. He was dead from the first shot. He wasn't the target." I say.

"Let's go." He says.

I roll my eyes, looking around before following after him. I got in the car as he wrapped up the scene. I worked away in my sketchbook, tidying up the sketches from the scene. He gets in the car and it was silent.

I wasn't surprised when he pulled over to get coffee. I was surprised when he asked if I wanted to go in with him. I was far too focused on my drawing to leave though. So, I turned down his offer. I was hunched over, my hair getting on my nerves as I didn't have a hair tie.

It was all over, casting shadows on the drawing and constantly getting in my face or in the way of the drawing. He climbs in and clear his throat. I look up and he held a coffee out towards me.

"Thanks." I mumble, taking it.

It was silent and then he was holding something else out towards me. A hair tie...the scrunchie I lost a few months ago.

"Found it in my car a few days ago." He says.

"Thank you." I say quietly, taking it.

I put my hair up in a messy bun, letting it sit on top of my head as I sketched away. He grunts, leaning over me. I stop, looking at him confused. He grabs the buckle and buckles me in. My cheeks flush red and I look down before busying myself in the sketchbook.

I was relieved to get out of the car. It was tense between Gibbs and I. I didn't like it, but there wasn't much I could do. I was walking into the building, looking down as someone bumps into me.

I look up, my coffee hitting the ground. Thankfully, outside. I had coffee all over the front of my shirt, sketchbook and camera.

"I'm so, so, sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." He says.

"It's alright. Accidents happen." I say softly, managing a small smile.

I toss the empty coffee cup away and turn to see the man waiting. Gibbs was getting closer and looked pissed off. Oh great.

"Can I have your number? Maybe take you out for coffee to make up for this?" He asks, smiling.

He was a cute guy for sure. He wasn't Gibbs though. I list off my number and he adds it to his phone before Gibbs grabs my arm and drags me towards the building.

We get to the elevator and it was silent before he slams on the emergency stop button, turning to me.

"What the hell was that?" He snaps.

"Green doesn't look good on you, Gibbs." I tease.

"Y/N, what was that?" He asks again, the warning clear in his tone.

"He bumped into me and obviously my coffee spilt all over me...my camera and sketchbook. He apologized and he asked for number to take me out to coffee some time so that he can make up for today." I said.

"Are you that naive? Do you really believe he just wants to be friends? Or that it was an accident? Your smarter than that, Y/L/N. He just wants in your pants." He snaps, smacking me in the back of the head.

I was quiet, thinking back to me walking up to the building. He had indeed saw me. I frown, knowing Gibbs was right. I reach out, hitting the button. He sighs, hitting it again, but I hit again and block it. I was relieved when the doors opened.

I walked off, throwing my stuff on my desk. I reach into my purse, before smacking the side of my head with a fist as I clench my jaw. God. I'm so done with today.

"Y/N?" Tim questions.

I shrug my blazer off, walking towards the stairs where I head to Abby's lab. I walk in and she smiles before seeing that I wasn't okay. I break and start crying immediately.

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yourkimjaejin · 2 months

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Forged - a scene from my muse'e past that they think made them stronger in the long run

"What do I think made me stronger in the long run? Hmmm.....I think....that my parents divorce made me stronger in the long run." "My parents divorced when I was four. They were together in college but they didn't see it going far. You know, they were having fun and after one night my mom ended up pregnant so they decided to make it work." "But it didn't. Staying together for me...ruined their relationship as a couple. According to my mom, getting ready to have me just amplified as the bad traits she couldn't stand about my dad. That goes vice versa for him as well." "Growing up, it never registered that they were divorced. My mom moved back to Korea to have me and for most of my life there wasn't a moment where I missed my dad. For the first ten years of my life, my dad lived in Korea before moving back to New York. I didn't even know my parents were divorced until I was......fourteen? Even then, my parents drilled into my head that it wasn't my fault. That it was on them that their relationship didn't work." "The reason I bring this up is because learning about their divorce taught me family isn't just blood relation. Family is who you chose to do life with. My dad could have left us high and dry but he didn't. and I think that alone shows how amazing my dad is. He kept us in his life. When he started dating, any women interested in him got the run down about us and how we were in his life to stay. Luckily he found my step mom and she's just the best." "I took those memories and brought them with me when i joined NCT. I was a bit weary at first but seeing them want me.....want to do life with me helped me trust them. In a way, I saw a piece of my dad in the members." ~ Aurora

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Immediately, my mind goes to my brother. He used to be a model but things didn't pan out for him. It....jaded him on...any type of job in entertainment or fashion. He used to go long rants about how any those jobs wouldn't pan out. How my voice alone wouldn't get me far. That it was smarter to focus on ice skating. But that didn't stop me." "I auditioned for SM. I got accepted and the day I left for Korea, my brother didn't show up." "It hurt......to know he could do that to me. But I didn't have time to process why because I started training the next day." "The day I left home for Korea made me stronger in the long run. I spent every waking moment with the thought, 'I have to prove him wrong.' I was so focused on becoming the best. To show him that I was different, that I could make it. During that whole time my brother and I didn't talk. Our mom tried to get us to hash it out but both of us faked busy to avoid each other." "We finally talked everything out last year. That talk, just confirmed everything that I already thought. He wanted to protect me. From feeling the same disappointment he felt when he quote unquote failed as a model. We're cool now. If anything his pride in how far I've come has made him unbearable. He brags to all his clients about me, NCT AG and Wish." "While it sucked to lose a family member for however long it was, it gave me the courage and the strength to make it thru training and thrive as a idol with two groups to her name." ~ Juno

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Taglist: @alixnsuperstxr / @1-800-call-ria / @sophrodite / @sunflower-0180

#NCT AG #NCT AG.Juno #NCT AG.Aurora #NCT AG.Info #nct female addition #nct female member #kpop addition #kpop!au #kpop!oc #kpop!addition #nct female oc #kpop female member

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holly-fixation · 1 year

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Thoughts while playing Crisis Core Reunion:

Context: I've watched the Crisis Core cutscenes multiple times, but only the scenes with full voice acting. I knew very little about the actual game play, mini games, fan clubs, mail, who the hell Kunsel was, etc.

Also there is no order to these. There May be spoilers sooner than later.

-oh my God there are a lot of side quests. Would be a shame if the game wasn't balanced for me to do them all.

-Yuffie exists?? She absolutely should not have been in this game. She's comic relief and all, but she felt SO out of place in Wutai. Absolute best part of her messing with Zack was "How did you find my mailing address?"

-Angeal, I love you man, but you probably should steal from the richest apple tree in town instead of other poor farmers. Like, dude. Please.

-Took me way too long to figure out how to take out the Wutai outposts

-I want to like Genesis. I want to like his dramatic shtick. But please. PLEASE. Stop quoting Loveless. There are other books

-Tsung yelled at me for running to the apple warehouse head on but I saw a chest! Don't get mad at me! I'm supposed to go there eventually! Also can you please help me with this mini game made for children but my timing is terrible

-Zack I may love you but please get a hobby that isn't squats on the beach

-Square said let's just upscale everything and keep it Grainy as hell. No one will notice that we only reanimated the summons at ALL.

-fusing materia is fun. I just kept making stronger versions of the 2 attacks I kept using but it was fun!

-I legit panicked in the Nibelhiem mission, thinking I somehow triggered the point of no return when suddenly we were in the reactor and I LITERALLY left Sephiroth alone in there so it couldn't trigger the next cutscene. I'm so sorry, my boy! I didn't mean to!

-I didn't know where that 7th secret of Nibelhiem was and I totally missed it EVEN THOUGH I DID THE OTHER 6

-I thought the scoping was a joke until I saw that mini game

-I wish we got more Cissnei. I was hoping there were more cutscenes than what I already knew but I guess not.

-I may have been too over powered for too much of the game

-Genesis went out in 4 hits the first time. For the final boss, I stopped doing side missions so it would be somewhat of a challenge. Love the final phase song though. The Soldier Way slaps!

-You MUST experience that final sequence. I didn't know about it. I knew the ending, but not what happens in the fixed battle. Extremely well done.

-This was a fantastic time.

#sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ffvii #ff7 #final fantasy 7 #ffvii crisis core #zack fair #crisis core remaster #ff7 crisis core #crisis core reunion #spoilers

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abs0luteb4stard · 1 year

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The last 2 days I've just really felt empty for my dad.

We had such a special time together, man.

We had our own gobbledygook language. We made each other laugh everyday. Our humor was largely unique to each other and my mom tagged along.

And now with my mom's horrifying diagnosis with endometrial cancer only a year after my dad's death from 6 years of painful struggle with vascular dementia that stole him and our years with him.

I'm just in a void. They're the only people that understand and accept all of me. When they're gone nobody will be around me 100% of the time. Nobody will know me add they do. No one will speak to me in Hungarian or even in our own familial way of saying things.

I'll be alone in a profound way.

And my dad being long gone during all this is a solar system sized hole.

He would've been nervously wracking his brain "why she get this fuckin' cancer again?" He'd need his special way of ruminating. Sometimes talking to himself, gesturing with his hand. To which of say "Are you talking to yourself? What's up Apu?"

Then he'd dodge it for a moment and then let spill what's on his mind. And I'd help him understand, I'd tell him what the doctor said. We'd discuss it until it transitioned into another topic and we'd solve the anxieties he was having, but not the impossible answers we sought together.

Then it would migrate to The Great Outdoors (1987) quotes or my acting out My Cousin Vinny scenes. He'd laugh and call me crazy. He'd feel better. Then he'd come back around to the original subject and we'd be somber.

I'd lay my head on his chest on the couch where he'd sit. We'd say I know. We'll help mom, we have to do the work for her. He'd say "that's right."

He'd tap my shoulder or back with he hand and say, "Well, Okay..." And we'd relax and watch Andy Griffith Show or some Animal Planet program.

But now it's just imagining. Educated guessing Fantasy of what he might do. I'm sure I have the high probability of accurately knowing what he'd do. Because I knew that old man's soul. I know his pattern and his unpredictability. But it doesn't fix the fact that I miss him. And I've missed him a long time longer than he's been entombed in his resting place.

I mourned my dad many times. I mourned him "disappearing" from dementia. When he forgot my name and who I was. I mourned him when I told him I was his 'golden son' and he accepted me with a confused but happy face. I mourned him when he was afraid of me and didn't know me. I mourned him when he couldn't speak very well anymore. I mourned him when he died. When they picked him up. When I saw him in his casket. When we tucked him in and closed him up. And when we finally placed him meet to his beloved brother. He left me wounded. And that wound will never ever heal.

I am not ready for any more mourning. I'll go to the ends of reality to help my mom stick around to be an old old woman. That's what he'd want. That's what she wants and what I need.

My mom and I aren't done yet. She still has plans and hopes and love to give. She still has people to visit and hug and be motherly too. Not just me.

And she has me. And our family dreams and travels and hopes to finish!

#my journal #my thoughts #grief #mourning #sadness #cancer #I'm so scared.#anyam #anyamnak #apamnak #apam #Apu #dad #mom

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jixiani · 2 years

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Warning, spoilers ahead of you haven't seen stranger things 4 yet.

I think I have to talk about Eddie. It's been a month and I'm not ok. I know he's a character from a tv show, but I'm having major feels about his death. As in I'm pretty sure I'm having a mid life crisis at this point. This season hit way too close to home. It's one thing to watch kids fighting monsters or Russians, we're probably never going to have some alien creature fight us in a mall, but we all know an Eddie Munson. I have known so many guys like him, I've loved so many like him, and this just felt personal.

He's my uncle John, the super geek who drove race cars and built model airplanes who introduced me to Lord of the Rings and let me watch Jaws in his basement. The first to introduce me to video games on the computer and Anne McCaffrey.

He's my dad, the metal head who raised me on Ozzie and Metallica and Motley Crew. Who worked at a local concert venue when I was a kid and brought me home band shirts for the Ramones and Skid Row. Who would drive around with me listening to the radio and quizzing me on "what song is this?" "Do you know this band?" "Who's that guitarist?" Until I learned a deep appreciation for different bands' sounds and styles.

He's one of my first boyfriends, Richie, who was a guitarist in a garage band and got me into guitars. He used to sit next to me on his bed or would call me on the phone and play his guitar for me for hours. We sat on the edge of his bed together, his arms around me as he taught me to play and we went to the music store and looked at guitars and I fell in love with the B.C.Rich Warlock. I wanted one so badly. I never did get one, life moved on and I couldn't play now if my life depended on it, but the moment I saw Eddie's guitar it all just came rushing back.

He's my ex, the metal head who went to prison for breaking and entering before I knew him and spent his time there playing D&D with some other prisoners. He made dice out of flour, water and toilet paper and made up a campaign for them. The man who danced with me in an empty part of Grand Central on our first date and wanted "Nothing Else Matters" as our wedding song.

He's all of our metal head friends who taught me magic the gathering and spent hours playing tabletop RPGs, collecting mini figures and got me into LARP. All listening to Tool and System of a Down and yes, Metallica.

He's all my long haired, guitar playing friends from LARP. The aging metal heads fighting by my side against monsters and listening to Tenacious D, and quoting Strong Bad.

And he's me. He's me as a kid, reading Tolkien and wanting to go on an adventure with Bilbo, reading a copy of Tanklords I stole from Uncle John, and getting emotionally attached to The Rowan and her children. He's me at 13, the quiet bookworm, artist, befriending the school freak against my 'friend's' wishes. He's me at 16, the weird artist punk that runs the school art and literature magazine offering a girl a seat on the bus and getting told "you're not like I thought you'd be, I thought you were scary, but you're nice". He's me at 17, sneaking out, riding around fields in the back of a pickup, nearly bouncing out of the truck bed because we're high, sleeping on and jumping off of a friend's roof so her parents wouldn't know I was there. He's me at 18 learning guitar with my boyfriend, flipping off the school staff at graduation with my best friend, our diplomas in hand. He's me in my 20s facing down monsters with my friends at LARP, staring down impossible odds and learning how to stand and fight instead of run. And he's me now, almost 40, listening to Iron Maiden and Dio at work.

I can't fault him for going out the way he did. That was the single most metal scene ever and every one of my friends would have done the same thing going back to fight the bats and buy our friends some time, but it hurts. A lot more than it should. We got bullied by the popular kids, we were weirdos and freaks, satanic panic was real, the west memphis three still haven't been exonerated. I could easily see the witch hunt for Eddie happening in my parent's day, in mine, and I can see it happening today too.

Maybe it's because I'm turning 40 this year and I'm feeling nostalgic, maybe it's because I haven't seen or spoken to most of the Eddie Munsons in my life in years, maybe it's because I will never be 20 again but I have a type and feel weird being attracted to a 20 year old character. In any case, it sucks and I really hate that the story just moves on and no one acknowledges his death, except for one short scene with Dustin and Wayne. I hate that he died and then poof, moving on. It felt like a slap in the face, 'thanks for letting us use you and your friends to tell a story but bye, y'all get eaten by bats'. I can't explain, but it hurts and I wasn't sure about writing about it and posting it on here, it's personal but I thought that maybe there were some others out there in the aether who were feeling the same way. I'm not even sure that anyone reads my posts, but hey, if you are reading this, and you feel the same way or are at least having some major feels, you're not alone.

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say-narry · 3 years

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Characters: Harry!boyfriend x reader

Word count: ~1.8K

Tags: insinuations, masturbation, explicit sex

Quotes: 5. "The noises you make are amazing" / 21. "Lie down and touch yourself. I want to watch."

Author's note: English isn't my first language, tell me if you enjoyed

Versão em pt-br

Touch yourself

Harry's house was the best place in the world.

Because of the extensive area, with high walls and almost isolation, we could scream and moan as loudly as we could and as much as we could.

Harry loved this show and so did I. He was on vacation, a fortnight away from the show.

He was on vacation, 15 days to be exact. I had also taken a leave of absence from work and my college was once a week, so we could be stuck with each other all the time.

Today would be no different.

It was late Friday night, we had made a carbonara and red wine.

We talked about his next movie, about his band, about Mitch's son, and about my college.

It was so nice to live with Harry in that way. He was witty, he always made me laugh, and we were good together, in bed and out.

Harry went through the streaming catalog and nothing, he went through the animated movies but we had seen almost all of them, horror movies were not a good choice because I had frequent nightmares, until he came to one: 365 dni.

I had seen this movie before, Massimo was mafia and had kidnapped Laura, who in turn resisted the temptation to fuck him and in the end they fell in love.

The plot was not so good, but the explicit scenes were to be given a standing ovation.

"How about it?" Harry suggested with a mischievous little smile on his lips, I agreed as if I hadn't noticed that.

I continued with my glass of wine in one hand while scrolling through social media on my smartphone with the other. I was sitting next to Harry on the huge black couch, who was lying down and patting my bent knee.

Every now and then I would look at the screen, the actor Michele Morrone was showing off his tattoos and fit body, I wouldn't be crazy to deny how gorgeous he was.

"Do you think he's handsome?" I heard Harry's voice and turned my face quickly, I didn't know if it was embarrassment or the wine, but my cheeks heated up.

"You don't think so?"

"Don't answer one question with another, lovie." Her eyes closed minimally and her dimples showed.

"I think, this man must do some damage." I teased Harry, who crossed his arms and sat down on the couch, staring at me in an indignant way.

"What about me, Y/N?" His voice came out squeaky, which made him scratch his throat making me laugh.

"What about you?" I turned my attention back to my cell phone. We had always been very free to talk about sex, no wonder Harry wrote about it in his songs.

"I also do damage in bed, your squirts are proof of that." His hand that was on my knee, went to my thigh, closer to my spot.

"I never denied that, Harry." I blocked the cell phone and climbed into his lap. He was wearing a pair of shorts and was apparently without underwear, because as soon as our privates made contact, I could tell his cock was already a little perky. "But what do you say we test something?" I put my hair to the side and my hands on his shoulders, my right hand pulling his head to the side, giving me room to take advantage of his exposed neck.

I moaned softly and rolled over once, which was enough for Harry's hands to grab my waist and press me down further, making me feel his member even more.

"Anything you want, baby." Harry moaned with his eyes closed and I licked his neck before branding him.

I moved up to his marked jaw. I could hear the movie in the background, but I didn't care, Harry's uncompressed breathing was what mattered.

"I want you to masturbate for me." I spoke softly in his ear and Harry's fingers gripped my ass, digging his fingers into my flesh.

"Volvyer?" His question came out in a whisper and I agreed with a grunt.

I had already done this on video call, I spread my legs and deleted myself with my own fingers while Harry masturbated his own cock on the tour bus. He owed me one.

Within minutes, his clothes were on the floor and I was still only in my panties and bra. I ran my wet panties over his semi-erect cock, moving it back and forth.

I couldn't wait to feel him stretching and thrusting until I was senseless, but I would like to have that scene in my head.

"Do it for me, baby. I licked his lips and pulled him with my teeth "Lie down and touch yourself. I want to watch."

I left a kiss on his mouth and sat down next to Harry, touching my clit under my panties.

Harry grabbed his long pink member, moving it from top to bottom, biting his lower lip and sometimes seeing his belly flex momentarily, due to the excitement coursing through his cock.

I continued massaging my clit, Harry could see my act, so much so that his empty hand reached out and pulled my panties aside.

"Baby..." he moaned.

"Come on baby, I'm so wet for you, do this for your lovie..." I tapped my wet center, evidencing what I was saying.

My blood shot out of my chest and I could see the pre-cum dripping from the head of Harry's cock. It was beautiful to see his lips and the head of his cock in the same color, it was sexy and exciting.

I saw Harry's member get a little bigger, his right hand that was on it already showed the bulging veins, the sound of the humidity was louder than the sound of the TV. Harry laid his head down and his hand took more precise movements "Y/N... I want to fuck you so hot..." Harry's chest was already sweating, his cock was shiny from excitement and at times I saw his hips lift off the couch as he tried to take more friction from his own hand. "I thought of my pussy squeezing you baby, you know how hot and tight I am...you make me so full..." Harry's mouth opened and his hand quickened.

I had stopped touching myself to enjoy the scene, but Harry's fingers moved under my spot very slowly, making me spread my legs even wider.

Harry was sweating, his breathing was ragged, his eyes closed with a frown on his forehead and his mouth still ajar. "Oh Hazz..." I moaned rolling around in his fingers as I gripped the couch cushions.

It was the sight of the highest carnal pleasure.

"Oh... I'm going to cum..." Harry moaned and I plucked up courage and sat down next to him, I placed my hand over his and settled down kissing his neck. "The noises you make are amazing..." I moaned and soon the the liquid of Harry's arousal was all over my hand, his cock with bulging veins was hot and heavy, sometimes I ran my thumb over his glans and he stretched his legs in a spasm and opened his mouth even wider. "Do you want to cum, Harry?"

He nodded in agreement as my movements became slower "Yes Y/N, please, I beg you, I was a good boy!" Harry moaned desperately and arched his hips again "My good little boy..." I sped up my movements on Harry's cock and my other hand returned to my clit.

Within minutes, we both let out moans in unison in the room, Harry's cock was spasming as he released his thick, white leitinho as I felt my panties get completely wet.

"Ohh... ohh... oohh" Harry grabbed my hand that was making the last movements on his cock and squeezed it, in a kind of milking.

Harry's toes had curved, his cum dripping down onto his abdomen and now with his eyes open, you could see his pupils dilated and his breathing deep.

I ran my index finger in my mouth and sucked it staring at him, still with my head lying on the couch next to him, thanks to Harry's fruit diet, its taste was pleasant.

"Did you like it?" Harry asked and I agreed, a little soft from the recent orgasm "You teased me too much, we make a great team..."

"We are Harry..." I closed my eyes and heard I see red playing in the background.

"Baby..." Harry called out to me.

"Yes, honey?" Sleep had caught up with me after all this effort with relaxation.

"I'm going to buy us a boat."

I still kept my eyes closed, but I could see the scenes in replay and Harry's mischievous smile as he said it... and I definitely wasn't going to complain about being Harry's Laura.

#fanfic harry styles #one shot harry styles #harry styles fanfic #imagine harry styles #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles imagines #prompt harry styles

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blushing-titan · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on ch. 139

Some of you may be familiar with my previous writings - I usually try to stay as collected as possible, but today's post will be different. Ever since the chapter came out, I've been reblogging a lot of rants and memes about it. Those of you who follow my blog (thank you so much, really happy to have you here! ❤) know that I didn't really enjoy this ending. I want to elaborate more on that in this post - my only advice is to buckle up, because today we may get a bit heated (I apologize in advance for the sassy approach - I usually try to stray away from that, but guess today's post is more of a stream of conciousness/rant) :'D

1. Ymir

Starting up with one of the most controversial things about this chapter. Up to this point, I felt really bad for Ymir. Her life was terrible - she was a young girl, who was enslaved and abused by king Shitz Fritz. After she was forced to run away from his hounds, she acquired the power of titans and used it to help the king's cause. For that, she was awarded with the king's seed (🤢), and eventually became a mother of three girls. Through her entire life, she was treated as a slave and a lesser-being by the king - she also died while protecting him, and her daughters were forced to eat her remains after that (🤢🤢).

It felt so tragic to see her 2000 years later, still walking blindly in the paths. It wasn't enough that she was hurt so badly when she was still alive - she remained enslaved to the abusive king even after she died. I was rooting for her to finally be freed from this nightmare - hence I was so happy when ch. 122 came out and we got this scene:

I was genuinely emotional when I saw her reaction. Finally, someone expressed some authentic care for her and tried to snap her out of this blind state. She would finally think about what she wants and try to free herself from the paths because, as Eren said, she was never a slave or a goddess - just a regular person. It's just like she finally let out all the pain that she's been suppressing for all these years.

Yeah...except, as it turns out, her awakening here changes nothing. She doesn't come to any conclusions, like, perhaps, that she doesn’t want to let herself be hurt and mistreated any longer...or that she should fight for herself, try to change her fate - because, after all, her life belongs to her - not anyone else.

Nothing like this happens. Why? Because, as it turns out, she's in love with king Fritz and needs to be proven by Mikasa that she can break this bond first.

....

💀💀💀💀

Excuse me, but...what?

Okay, first and foremost...am I supposed to believe that, during these 2000 years, no one else has gone against their unhealthy affection to someone toxic and unworthy of their love? No one? 🤡 Come on, we even saw that happen in the manga. What about Historia, who thought that her own mother hitting her was a sign of love? Who wanted to believe that her father was good, despite wanting to turn her into a titan? Where was Ymir when Historia stood up for herself against her father's wishes? Or when she flew up to him and delivered the final blow against him?

On top of that...what a disappointing conclusion to Ymir's story. I hoped that she would take her fate into her own hands, and - for example - be reborn and experience life as a free person, surrounded by people who actually care about her. Free herself from paths and destroy it - not because someone shows her that she can indeed detach herself from it, but simply because she wants to.

Instead, 80% of the world population is gone, because she needed to see that Mikasa is able to "free" herself from Eren in order to do the same.

🤡🤡🤡

2. Abandoned plotlines and plot-holes

Mikasa being a Hizuru princess? Never heard of that. Hallucigenia's fate? Who cares. Eren directing Dina's titan in Carla's direction in order to save Berthold? Nah, who would want any more info on that - guess he just couldn't direct her anywhere else. The Ackerman's headaches? Pfff. The fact that Mikasa shouldn't be affected by the memory altering, but somehow still is in the ending? "I guess she just forgot that she should be immune to this". Why was Historia's pregnancy implied as relevant if it wasn't in the end? So many precious panels wasted on that, when they could be used to help solve some other "unanswered questions" instead. Ehhh...🤷

3. Blatant character assassination

There, I'm saying it once again. I have no idea what happened in this chapter but the characters are off. What about Eren - the one who has always believed that freedom was his birthright, and has been fighting and moving forward for his goals? Yeah, turns out he has no idea why he was doing all of that.

Remember Kenny's quote - everyone is a slave to something? I thought that this implication was pretty poetic in context of Eren's character. Through all his life, he sought freedom, but ironically, he was a slave to that dream...

...turns out it may have been a bit too poetic for this story because Eren is a slave to destiny. Literally - he's going on auto-pilot in order to reach that one moment in which Mikasa beheads him, so Ymir can watch and understand that she can do the same.

Nice joke...except not. Here go our main character's motivations 🗑

He casually commits unjustifiable crimes against humanity - not because he wants to be free or because he found the world beyond the walls disappointing, (...as we were led to believe). He did that because he doesn't know why - and then, he cries that he doesn't want Mikasa to ever find another guy.

:'))

Turns out Eren was somehow always in love with her too...? Yeah, weird way of showing it. Or should I say - not showing it at all.

If you read my previous writings, you know that I'm not very fond of Eremika. The way I interpreted it while reading the story: it was unhealthy, suffocating and one-sided. I hoped for Mikasa to move on and start thinking about herself for once.

Right, what about Mikasa? Has she finally moved on? Is she content with her life? Are her dreams coming true? What's her daily life after all this? Sadly, I don't have the answers. The thing we are shown instead, is how she's sitting next to Eren's grave and, once again, thanking him for wraping the scarf around her. The only thing that implies that she may be somehow still seeing other people is one bubble of text. After all 139 chapters of hoping for her character developement, that's it.

Keep in mind that all other characters are shown together - with their spouses, families and friends - yet Mikasa is still separated and alone. That's right - after she disappears with Eren's head, she's not shown with anyone else until the end of the manga.

While we're on the topic of others, too...do I have to talk about the scenes in which everyone shows some level of gratitude to Eren...for wiping 80% humanity for them? Because I have no words for this.

One last note: I found the humor to be slightly out of place, too. Seriously, after all these terrible events, with so many unanswered questions and character developement of these two...Reiner is still weirdly simping for (now married) Historia and Jean is called a horse face :') Idk, but it feels somehow surreal after everything that's happened.

4. Conclusion

What else can I say...the final chapter disappointed me and I'm pretty sad about it. I'm happy for the people who liked it, but also can't help but feel like it was very far from perfect. I've been following SnK ever since 2013 and it's a bittersweet moment for me. The series had a lot of amazing moments that I'll definitely remember forever. Meanwhile, I would like to read some of the author's thoughts about the way he chose to end the story - perhaps it would clear some confusion (...although I can't help the fact that my first opinion is already formed).

Thank you very much for reading my thoughts - as always, it means a lot to me! ❤ The images used in this post are obviously not mine!

#snk 139 #aot 139 #snk spoilers #snk manga spoilers #snk ending #anti eremika #eren jeager #mikasa ackerman #ymir fritz #historia reiss #snk meta

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

Text

You Are In Love

Loki x Reader

1989, epilogue

"You are in love, true love."

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 7,106

Warnings: some angst, some unreliable narrator, fluff, me being a hopeless romantic.

A/N: this is the very end- the epilogue, and it is based on the 1989 deluxe song You Are In Love. I really think this is important to the story despite it being an epilogue because I based some of the things solely because I wanted a scene here to happen, I needed that scene. Okay idk how this got so long, I'm sorry! Also, not me stealing quotes from my favourite book… I cried writing this.

A/N2: thank you to @chrissquares for all the incredible dividers she made for my series, and for @nacho-bucky who beta read it all and managed to put up with me. I appreciate you two so much, I love y'all!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

The room was dark and silent as you got into bed, playing the same thing that has been in your mind for weeks now. You heard him in your head, and saw him in your mind as you went to sleep. It hasn't been long since you first saw Loki, but he plagued your mind. Being asleep did not make him go away. You shut your eyes.

The wind felt cold on your skin but your palm was warm as he held you close. When you looked down you found yourself in a dark golden gown, a smile spread on your lips when you looked into his eyes and he took you to dance with him. You saw nothing but him as he twirled you around, your surroundings did not matter as the whole world stood in silence, the two of you were only focused on each other. You were wonderstruck, dancing around with him and looking at his bright blue eyes, you prayed he won't let you go. He only held you lightly with the palm of his hand and the arm around your waist but you felt enough.

He whispered in your ear terms of endearment and you could feel yourself blush. He twirled you around and out of his reach. You danced around all alone, until you turned around and saw Loki sitting on the back of a car, his hand inviting you. You felt your confusion go away as you climbed up to sit next to him, your jeans barely touched his black pants. Then he talked to you.

"Do you remember?" You heard his voice say to you and you turned your head.

"What?" You sat there when Loki talked to you.

"Look up." You heard his voice say to you and you turned your head up and looked at the stars, and your shoulders brushed. A shudder of warmth coursed through you as you saw the brightest star in the sky. You turned your eyes on Loki and the lights turned out.

You woke up in a shudder, heaving, you looked at the clock that mocked you. 1:58.

You turned to the other side of the bed and hoped sleep would take you quietly this time.

•

Loki walked along the bifrost, his heart was beating and racing, it didn't matter how many times he visited Heimdall, he was still anxious for his answer every time.

"Heimdall," Loki greeted the guardian.

"Prince Loki, are you going to ask the same question every time?" Heimdall looked over at the distressed prince. He remembered seeing him, when he was so young, so happy when he snuck him out at night so he can go to see the human woman he fell so hard for. He remembers Loki coming back in the morning with a smile on his face that he has never seen on him before; he remembers the young innocent prince showing him the necklace he carved especially for you, with his insignia on it; he remembers him being hopeful for the future- with you.

"I just want to know how she is."

Now he is an idiot.

"Just like she was the last time you asked me." Loki merely nodded, looking down on the ground. Heimdall waited for him to ask the other question he always asked.

"Is she- is she seeing someone?" Loki kept his eyes down, he held his breath.

"No." Heimdall tried to comfort the prince but he knew the answer won't do. Loki nodded to him, he never knew if he liked the answer or if he wanted you to find someone and be happy even if it is without him.

"Is she happy?"

"Yes, she is. She is happy and content," Heimdall stepped forward and put a hand on Loki's shoulder. "But it's been four years- don't you think there is a reason why she is still alone?"

"She just hasn't found-"

"She won't find someone who will make her happy like you did."

Loki refused to be selfish like he was in the past with you. Now that he understood what you asked him all those years ago at sunset, he refused to destroy your peace. Yet, he refused to forget you.

"However, your highness, she will not be available forever." Loki finally looked up at him, "and forever is not a lot of time for mortals."

"Then what am I to do about it?" Loki has told Heimdall a great deal about you, he never told his mother about you but since Heimdall was the only one who knew- Loki conversed with him after you had a fight, gushed to him about new midgardian stuff you taught him, and Loki knew that he didn't have to hide you from him.

"Do not sabotage your own happiness, it is not a selfish act if both of you will be happy from it. She will be happy to see you again, I can see that." Heimdall looked into the prince's eyes and hoped he could bring some sense to him.

He almost missed the way his eyes shone for just a moment, before the prince turned away to go back to the palace.

"Thank you, Heimdall, truly." Loki turned to him briefly before turning once again.

He wasn't as uncertain as he thought he would be; he pondered as he made his way across the rainbow bridge.

•

You woke up yet again alone, another sleepless night made you long for something you didn't have, leaving you tired. You reluctantly got out of bed, closing the curtains and concealing daylight and opting instead to turn on the lights. You had a long day ahead of you, so you shook the blue eyes that haunted you from your mind, you could almost see them in the shadow at the corner of your room.

It was just a trick of the light. You checked.

You walked out the door, not before taking a double look at the apartment, it was empty but… it felt wrong. You could almost see a silhouette, you must have been losing your mind, you thought, as you turned out the lights and walked to work. But right before you closed the door you sneaked one last glance, and you could still see it with the lights out.

Work had been tedious, Pepper was busy which meant that so were you, but at least you amused yourself in your breaks. Seeing the competitive supersoldiers spar on the mat sure could bring a smile to your face any day.

You weren't lonely by any means, you were happy with your new family that seemed to adopt you the moment you got the job, you were happy with your job, but from time to time you couldn't help but feel… hollowed. Something was not quite right, something was missing and you couldn't figure it out. Sure, you didn't have a boyfriend but that wasn't it. Every guy that hit on you just seemed wrong, you didn't feel the need to get one. You were satisfied and happy… was that enough?

You buttoned your coat to shield you against the autumn chill as you went back home. Happy suggested driving you, Tony basically commanded it but you sneaked out as he was arguing with someone on the phone, waving Happy goodbye as the elevator doors closed. You felt like walking today.

Autumn air swept past you as you walked, you looked through store windows at the TV, one reporter was talking about how there were sightings of the evil god of mischief. You stood there and stopped to look at it, could you have missed him? You remembered when you saw him at the Avengers Tower- when you first met him at the Tower- he left too soon, you fixed yourself in your own mind and watched as the reporter showed pictures after rambling about how dangerous it is.

Your heavy chest breathed again when you saw the photos- Steve's hair has not been like that in years, this was not recent. You shook your head and continued walking.

You remembered when he passed by you, you remember the chill of him that for some reason gave you warmth. And now in the cold weather you could feel it all over again on your way home. You could imagine it, and it was so real there, him being on your left, you could almost feel him breathing on your neck.

You opened your eyes and looked over your shoulder. He wasn't there.

Long story short, you were sure you were going insane- having an unexplainable crush on a god you met once upon a time, what was it? Four year ago? You hoped your mind would stop listening to your heart this one time.

You met him one time, you talked a bit before he passed by you, meeting him was rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky- that is what you told yourself at least, when days passed and you remembered him but you didn't see him again.

You shook your head again, shaking him away, you were just chasing shadows and there was no point in that. You knew that and wished logic would calm your racing heart.

•

Loki stepped into the Allfather's throne room and dismissed all the other Asgardians that were there.

"My son, what are you doing?" Odin rose up before he saw the look on Loki's face and with a raised interest he sat down as Loki went up the golden stairs.

"I have a request, it is important to me."

"And you came to ask me to grant it?" Odin raised a brow and studied the god of mischief, doubtful with every moment that went by. This sure is intriguing.

"I am afraid you are the only one that will be able to fulfill my wish." Loki's thoughts were still messy in their silence, scattered in ways he didn't try to collect. He thought about it the whole way to the palace. Even when he was satisfied here, and when he and Thor became true brothers after everything went down… it still wasn't home. It isn't home- it never was since he met you.

"Well do tell me what made you so desperate that you came to me?" Loki took a breath in.

"My love." He breathed out.

"The mortal midgardian girl?" Odin seemed to understand the situation. He never thought it would come from Loki, he never thought anyone would come to him for it, especially not the prince. "What would you want me to do?"

"The one thing only the Allfather is capable of doing." Loki lifted his head up and looked at his father with determination. He was certain with his decision.

•

Loki walked the rainbow bridge feeling different and yet the same all at once- he felt new. But with one weight lifted, another dread took its place.

Heimdall nodded at him with a small smile and Loki found himself returning it, it reminded him of the first night he came back to Asgard after meeting you in Midgard. Heimdall always knew from the start.

He stepped into the Avengers Tower, knowing that by this hour you were probably back at your apartment- at home. He stepped into the living room and found the witch, the billionaire, and the captain there sitting around on the several couches.

"Loki?"

"Captain," The god nodded to him in recognition. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

"What are you doing here?" the god walked around to stand in front of the three avengers.

"I've come to a decision."

"I used to want the Throne, father." Loki continued, "The very one you are sitting on, or the one I'd put on Midgard. As the rightful heir to the throne, and as the King of Jotunheim, I deserve that.

"I was born for it- and so, I used to want the throne. I used to think myself superior to everyone in the nine realms, the mortal midgardians out of all… that was until I met her, my love. When you met your love, father, it didn't change you. You caused ruin and shed blood and now you are sitting on a throne built on that in a world that now I am fit to rule." Loki did not let the Allfather speak in between. He deserved this, he knew that now.

"During the time you were away and under my spell, I made Asgard prosper… look how well it all turned out," he chuckled bitterly. "I used to want the throne but now I realize I just wanted to be acknowledged for my abilities, for my wit, instead of being shadowed to the side- all because you decided to pick up a baby and use it as political gain only to find it useless." Loki took a breath to close his eyes, he remembered it all, he remembered the day he found out about it all, about his glorious purpose his father planned for him.

"And Then I met my love, and she saw everything- all of that-inside me already without me having to prove it to her. She made me realize that I have nothing to prove to you- an abuser who calls himself king.

While Thor is my brother, and I acknowledge that I still am both Odinson and Laufeyson, this is not the home I thought I could make it out to be… by fixing everything else and making the people love me, fear me, acknowledge me. Even when my mother was here, I was not able to be fully myself, not here, not like I was whenever I'd sneak out of Asgard to be with her." Loki smiled, thinking about all of your moments together.

"Those were the sole moments where I felt what a home should feel like- though I never had anything to compare it to, and you made me think that somehow I should be grateful for you- for taking me here instead of dying in the cold, even though you were planning to use me as bait to gain advantage on your opponent.

Then I found her and she warmed her way into my heart and despite it all she still loves me and cares for me and I know that if I ever had a home… it wasn't on Jotunheim or here with my brother- it was with her: In a small apartment in Midgard, surrounded by mortals.

"And so, yes I am the rightful king of Jotunheim and a prince of Asgard, god of mischief… but I also have a home waiting for me in Midgard and I also am in love. And only now I realize all I want I can get, which is the home that I gave up on all those years ago- trying to make this home better. I don't want the throne anymore.

"So now, now I choose her."

"You decided to come back?" The witch leaned forward and asked him, he was about to nod when the captain spoke up.

"What about you saying that you want her to have peace?" Steve crossed his arms and rose up, "You said that as a god you won't be able to give her a peaceful life?"

"Yeah what changed in the last few years?" Tony continued sipping on his drink, casually looking over at the god with an arched eyebrow.

"Well, I came to a few realizations about her and myself which is why I am here now." Loki started, "now I can be what she needs me to be, if she will take me back."

"She still thinks of you, her thoughts are so loud sometimes." Wanda smiles at him, he is still wary with her after she saw inside of his mind. "How did you change then?"

"Well," Loki took a breath. "The ruling god, the Allfather, has the ability to revoke the immortality of a god. And so- I asked my father to take away my immortality."

They stared at him in silence, one in disbelief, one studying him, and one confused.

"So now if I stab you, you will die?" Stark asked and the god rolled his eyes.

"The Asgardian gods were never immortal, we are almost immortal, so even if you had stabbed me before I could have died- I however doubt you would have managed to do any harm to me." Loki dismissed the small man.

"Wait, what about your… magic?" Steve asked and one shrug later an identical Captain America stood in front of him, smirking.

"Patriotism, Justice, god bless America!" Loki shapeshifted back to himself before continuing, "I still have my magic, powers, and the rest of the qualities as the god that I am- that make me way above all of you- I am just not as immortal, and I will be able to live with her properly."

"So, you are like a supersoldier." Steve nodded in understanding, and Loki smiled slightly.

"Yes, but a lot more powerful and better."

Steve shook his head but let out a small laugh.

"So when are you going to see her?"

"Well, I think I wasted enough time already." Loki let out a chuckle, and he didn't even bother hiding the excitement in his blue eyes.

•

Loki hoped his excitement, as well as his nervousness, were hidden- he gave up using illusions around you a long time ago, and it was very long ago but he didn't want to use them now. This time he was going to make it right.

It was weird, not having unlimited time anymore. But his doubts about the decision stopped when you opened the door after hearing his soft knocks.

Your eyes were beautiful, they always were but he missed them terribly, now they were filled with a mix of confusion and excitement. He couldn't help the slight smirk that slipped out across his lips- at least he still had that affect on you.

You had a hard time processing who was at your doorstep, but you could already feel the butterflies blooming in your stomach. So long trying to suppress your weird crush. It seems to be inevitable now that he showed up years later.

When you saw his smirk you realized you must have been staring at him longer than you should have.

"Loki?" his name tasted weird on your tongue, you couldn't place the little spark that flew in your mind, making your head ache a bit.

He brought his hands up and with a light green glow he held blooming flowers in his hand.

"May I come in, love?" you could barely speak with the way his blue eyes shone, like moonlight against the darkness of the night like the suit he wore.

You nodded and stepped back to let him in.

You were certain that when he walked past you and handed you the flowers he had a certain glow to him, like an aura that was visible to the naked eye, it both calmed you down and overwhelmed you, so you looked away.

"These are my favourite, how did you know?"

He turned to look at you and you couldn't help but blush, wonderstruck at the little whispers you could almost hear his eyes hold, a silent question. You couldn't answer.

"I have magic, did you forget, dear?" Loki smiled when you locked the door and turned back to him. "I can read minds."

You laughed, and what a sound it was.

"That's bullshit, I didn't think about flowers now. Can you read what I'm thinking now?" you raised a brow at him, happy to call him on his bluff- you hoped it was a bluff, you'd rather the earth swallow you alive than if he could know what you're thinking while he is here.

"You are wondering what I am doing showing up at your door close to midnight." He took a step towards you. He wasn't wrong. "A little birdie told me."

You let out a nervous chuckle when you saw him standing closer now, but it turned to anger when you understood his words.

"Steve told you?" you went around him contemplating how to kill Steve, Natasha owed you a favor after all; you muttered, "That son of a bitch…"

Loki figured he will go with your answer, it is the easier answer. You came back shortly with a vase and the flowers in the water in it.

"Do not fret, those flowers are special, they have an enchantment on them so they will not die."

At least you didn't have to worry about that, he was so considerate and normal that you almost forgot about the odd situation.

"Why are you here?" You asked and clasped your hands in front of you.

"You told me to come to you if I ever plan to take on the planet again, so here I am." He smiled at you such an honest smile, and you didn't even know why he was so happy, but you knew that smile will linger in your mind like a tattoo kiss. It was so tempting to look at his lips for longer and imagine to yourself what his kiss would taste like. "If I'm honest, you've left quite an impression on me the last time we met."

"Oh?" you hoped the heat in your cheeks was not visible, you bit your lip. "Can I trust the god of mischief to be honest?"

"Of course you can, just trust me." His serious look contrasted your playful one.

"Why do only the untrustworthy people say that?" you mused and smiled at him, hoping to ease whatever tensions you felt brewing in his mind.

"Well, love, that is because the people that you know you can trust don't need to say it." He looked at his shoes and you took the time to really admire him now that he was up close and real.

"Well then, I guess you don't need to say it." You found pride in how he lifted his head and a sly smirk took over. "Do you want something to drink?"

If he was here, after all those years of only imagining him, you could ignore the odd situation just so you could make him stay a little longer this time.

"I'd like that, thank you." You invited him to your kitchen as you made yourself some tea.

"What would you like?"

"Coffee is good." He wondered how far he could take it with you, letting a gentle glow almost reach you when you turned around and he stopped.

"Coffee at midnight?" you questioned him, "Okay, what kind of coffee do you like?"

"I am a god, love, it doesn't affect me the way it affects you," he laughed when you rolled your eyes. "Pick whatever you think I would like."

You nodded at him with a shy smile. You turned away from him and made his coffee as he sat around you at the isle. You felt little tickles in your brain then. You tried to shake them off somehow but when they got stronger you winced at the slight headache.

"Are you okay, love?" god, you were already getting used to the pet name he gave you.

"Yeah, just a headache- nothing tea cannot fix." You laughed and turned back to him and the headache was gone, you couldn't help but wonder if he used his magic to heal your headache. It would be stupid to assume that though, so you stayed silent and took a sip of your tea. You gave him his cup of coffee and your hands brushed- it was one touch but you felt enough to know that he will linger on your skin.

"So tell me," you broke the silence that took over as he kept looking at you with soft eyes. He hummed and urged you to continue, "How can I help you take over earth? Where do we start?"

He laughed and you promised yourself to make sure he will laugh again. And you wanted to hold him, but you held back that urge and relished his familiar- no, comforting presence as you talked through the night.

•

From there you saw Loki around more, at work or when he would invite himself into your house at night or during your day off. You fell so easily into routine with him, he filled the space in your life that used to be vacant, you never really noticed it until he had to go to Asgard for a month to deal with a meeting. He made up for it when he came back though, walking you home that night and the next night, and the one after that…

It did nothing to sooth your crush on the god, it increased it if anything. Whenever you saw him, he would sooth the headaches you were getting lately, you could almost feel the gentle almost featherlike caresses of his magic- it had to be his magic, even if he never said anything, you saw it in his eyes.

You managed to handle it until he followed you around at work- and you were surprised when the Avengers did not even comment on it or flinch.

"You look lovely as ever, my love," he picked the necklace on your neck and your breath hitched at his closeness and the way his fingers brushed your chest and throat, "Always a sight to behold."

"Oh, Loki," you always stammered at his compliments that he shamelessly threw at you, "you're so sweet thank you, I- I have to go now, I need to go to Pepper- I have work, yes work."

You cringed to yourself as you turned around and down the hallway, only to shriek in surprise when Loki suddenly materialized in front of you, causing you to fall… almost.

Loki caught you just before you hit the ground, with a hand around your waist and the other holding your hand and bringing you upwards to him. You didn't dare say a word.

"You know that with a beauty like yours Asgardian princesses could never compare- and for your steadiness I'm certain I could teach you Asgardian ballroom dancing- to help you, of course."

As if it couldn't get worse, your cheeks were heating up, and you were caught in his eyes before he thankfully let you go.

"I assure you I am steady and not clumsy, a person appearing in front of me would catch anyone off guard!" you laughed it off.

"I am not a person, dear, I am a god." At the intense look in his eyes you clutched your hands to your side, holding in a gasp you just nodded and went around him to try and get work done.

If Pepper noticed anything, she didn't comment on it.

•

As the days went on, he became bolder and bolder and you couldn't deny that you loved him courting you this way and knowing that he only has his eyes on you. On some days he was bolder, on others you took the leap to get closer to him when you noticed he was having a bad day, and sometimes he would be so gentle with you the genuine way of it made your heart soar.

It was all gentle touches and intense eyes that you still saw when you closed your eyes in the dark of the night. It was the slowest build up that made you feel like he was always there with you, whether it was in your heart or soul or body, it surrounded you in warmness you didn't know you missed.

And then he asked you out, as you showed him your favourite spot in the park. He just laughed and smiled at you and when you asked why he held your cheeks and asked you out on a date. He wanted it done properly.

So now you stood at your home in your best dress- it was green, you found it in your closet and you liked how it matched the colour of the shirt he often wore.

The doorbell rang so you looked in the mirror one more time, seeing the dress and the necklace he seemed to love. You looked around the dimly lit room and the set table and once you were sure everything was ready- you opened the door.

And there he was in all his glory, you couldn't have stopped the smile you shone at him even if you tried, he seemed to have that affect on you. You could see royalty on him, you could feel it, even when he stood there with a simple black suit.

"Hello dear," he looked you up and down, remembering another night you wore this very same dress, only you didn't wear that necklace, not yet. "You look ravishing."

"As do you, I really like this suit on you." You brushed your hand on his chest, straightening the tie. "Come on in."

Loki stepped into the room, appreciating the memories he has of all of your date nights, even those that you had before the two of you got together. He appreciated every single one of them.

Then he once again looked at you, the candles giving you a glowing aura, making you shine and his breath left him speechless.

The light reflected the chain on your neck, the one he gave you all those nights ago, that faithful night.

"Loki? What are you hiding there?" you laughed at him as you tried to circle him and see what he was clasping behind his back. Only to see green lights as he made whatever it was disappear with a smug smile on his face. "Hey that's not fair!"

He put his hands on your hips and pulled you to him as you tried, and failed, to stay stern.

"You are dating a trickster, love, you brought this on yourself." He laughed at you as a giggle escaped you before you again tried to drop the smile that gave away your true emotions. "It's your fault that you love me!"

His laugh stopped when he saw the wondering look in your eyes and he realized what he had said. Then he backed away from you.

Shaking his head, he laughed it off before putting on a smile that you knew was a cover for his true emotions. He pulled out a golden box, you had never seen something like this before. You knew he was distracting you but chose to let it go- for now, at least.

He looked at you with gleaming eyes, urging you on as you held it and opened it.

You caught your breath when you saw a golden necklace laid inside it. It was fairly simple, but it was golden and even had a glow around it. The pendant of the necklace was a simple circle that held a weird S shaped symbol on it. You looked at Loki as he took it out and held it in his hand.

"What is it, Loki?"

"That, my love, is my symbol. Two snakes circling each other, biting each other's tails, and in a way- they symbolize me."

"That is beautiful, Loki, thank you." You traced the symbol delicately- it was intricate but you could tell it was hand carved. You let him put it on you.

"This way, you will have a part of me wherever you go."

You held back tears and tuned around to face him, jumping in and hugging him close.

"You were right before, you know, I've been meaning to tell you this anyway." You pulled back only by an inch but he went and sat on the couch, so you went ahead and sat on his lap, letting his arms circle you.

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously.

"I love you."

Norns, he was so afraid to tell you back then, but now he wasn't afraid, and all he had to do was wait. He was willing to wait until you were ready, he hoped the light spells he had been casting were doing their work well, he hoped it won't be long.

•

You woke up in your bed, smiling at the golden daylight, you turned around and reached for the other side of the bed, happy to see Loki was still asleep.

It was rare to see him like this- peacefully sleeping. You lightly traced his face, careful with the light bruises he came home with. They were already healing but you still didn't like seeing them. You convinced Loki to let you clean them up, he argued about how he is a god, and yet he let you do it anyway.

"Good morning, beautiful." He murmured, still half sleeping, he grasped your hand in his and kissed the inside of your wrist.

"Good morning, handsome." You smiled at him. "You said I have you for the week, right?"

"I'm all yours, my dear." He pulled you closer now, "I have a few ideas on how to spend these days…"

You laughed and let him kiss you, you were just happy to have him home.

It was a few hours later that morning that you got out of bed, groaning at your sore muscles and chuckling to yourself at the smell of the burnt toast, it was only Sunday.

You put on his shirt and stepped outside to the kitchen.

"Will you ever not burn the toast?" he shrugged at the comment but didn't reply as he tried to break an egg into the pan.

"This is ridiculous." He grumbled to himself. "After all this time and I still don't get it."

"You didn't try to do this that long." You chuckled as he finally gave up and used his magic. "You have only been here with me for like half a year now."

"Right," he fixed himself, quickly coming back to you and serving you your breakfast the way he remembered you used to like.

"Thanks, Loki." You kissed his cheek as he sat next to you. "But how about you take the first bite?"

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from smirking.

"Now, darling, there is no need for that."

"Sure there is, I'll be very amused." You laughed at the look he gave you and how he tickled your side.

"I am not amused."

"You know, for an Asgardian you sound so British."

"False, English people sound like Asgardians." He pointed a fork at you before he ate from your breakfast, you joined in only after he approved of it to your surprise.

You sipped on your tea, sighing at the perfect morning you got to enjoy. That was when you realized that you are in love. In love with a god. You read books after you met him, you knew that this wouldn't last.

"How are your bruises? They seem to be healing okay, do they hurt?" you brushed away a strand of hair out of his face.

"I told you, darling-"

"I know, I know, you're an immortal Asgardian god, you can handle wounds like these." You laughed and hoped he wouldn't see through it. That was the one sentence from the book you read that haunts your brain. It made you remember a sunset, but you've never been with Loki to a sunset, maybe you should go sometime.

"Actually, Asgardian gods are just almost immortal. But I am not immortal anymore." He said, sensing your anxiety, hoping that this information will make it all okay, hoping you will realize that this will last.

"What? Why not?" you should not be delighted by the news, you should be worried of him getting hurt now.

"I decided to give up my immortality, while I still am a god and I assure you I am just as strong as I was before," he took your hand in his and looked into your eyes. "I decided that I want a better, more peaceful, life."

"But why would you-" you shook your head.

"I had my reasons." He kissed the back of your hand,

You nodded to him and looked away, a sinister kaleidoscope of butterflies of hope rose in your stomach.

Maybe some things last forever after all.

•

"I am both terrified and excited." You held onto Loki's arm for support, praying to any god out there that you won't mess it up and stumble.

The gown you were wearing was golden, with a dark glimmer to it, Loki was matching you in his royal suit in black, green, and gold. Loki finally took you to a ball a year into your relationship, you asked to celebrate it here and he complied

Asgard was beautiful, though you were getting a bit lightheaded from it all, it got worse when you entered the ballroom.

"I told you." Loki leaned in to whisper to you as you took in the scenery.

"What?"

"You are more beautiful than any Asgardian princesses in their best dresses." Heat rushed to your cheeks at the compliment, remembering when he so casually said it to you at the tower.

Loki remembered the night he taught you to dance, the one he finally kissed you and told you those same words.

Loki made sure to keep you away from Odin, and put an armor of magic around the two of you, hoping it would ease your headaches. And then you danced in your own little world, around and around until you got tired and Loki took you home.

•

Half a year later you were going to sleep, Loki was right there beside you, holding you close to him as you laid your head on his chest.

"Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight… I love you."

"I love you too." Your lover kissed your head and then as you closed your eyes you felt the same tingles in your brain that you started to get whenever you went to sleep or even when you went to work.

Soon enough you fell asleep and your dreams took you along.

You wandered along places with Loki beside you. You were there with him on a high hill, staring at the sunset. "I'll treasure this moment forever." You heard him tell you but you didn't hear him- no, it was something else. You smiled at him and suddenly you were in your apartment, and you were smiling as he kissed you, you saw two paper airplanes flying around and he said- talked to you. "I told you my way was better." You heard yourself laughing at him and felt yourself bringing him back to a kiss. You were there with him as you ran through the trees until you stopped and climbed up, where was this again? "Come on, Loki, I now a place we won't be found." You giggled to him- no- you heard yourself giggling. Was this a dream anymore? With the growing headache this must be a nightmare. Since when do you have vivid dreams like this? Your apartment looked different as you danced around it with Loki. "I bet you'll look just as beautiful in an Asgardian dress. Like a true Asgardian goddess." But no- he couldn't have told you that there. You felt ecstatic as he leaned in to kiss you right there, it's your first kiss. No, it wasn't. You felt it all, you knew this was inevitable. Did you know that? Your head was spinning as you saw that golden necklace you found in your drawer. "It has my symbol on it, two snakes circling each other," biting each other's tails. No, you must have read it somewhere. Then you walked towards the spot in the park that you loved, at least that was familiar. "You will get a cold if you keep sitting in the rain, don't you have an umbrella?"Loki looked at you, he seems so much younger, you got shivers from his blue eyes. Your head hurt more and more, you didn't know where you were. All you felt was confusion. You saw the bifrost and there you saw the man with the golden eyes greeting you, he knew you- he knew everything. Did you know? "Do you remember?" Loki came home to you, with a fake smile which turned real when he said "I love you." He loved you. In Asgard yet again, why were you saying goodbye? "Promise you'll get me back, Loki." And then he bowed- but you already knew he was going to do that, the dream didn't have to tell you- "I'll see you around, my love." You remembered.

"I'm going to miss you, even if I won't know it." You did miss him, you missed him all along.

You waked, shot up from Loki's grip, with a hand over your mouth. You could hear the hushed whispers of memories in the silence of the bedroom; you could feel him on the way home even when you had nothing but his necklace; you could see it all now in a kaleidoscope of memories playing with the lights out. You were in love with him- you were in love with him over and over again. You never stopped loving him.

Now you saw it all: yes Loki was your lover, but before that- a lot of things happened before that, he was your best friend.

Loki woke up to the strange look on your face, rising up to be face to face with you. You paused before looking at him and he teared up at what he saw.

"You're my best friend." He saw you- his love- and now you saw him. And he knew what it was, you came back to him.

He took you in and held you close in a hug, laughing as tears ran both of your faces.

"So, 1989." He brought you in for a chaste kiss.

"What?"

"It's been 1989 days since the last time you remembered me." You chuckled.

"Took me that long?"

"It felt like an eternity." You tentatively caressed his cheek.

"Why did you give up eternity for me?" you asked him and he laughed as if it was obvious.

"The only way to survive eternity is to be able to appreciate each moment- and I couldn't do that, not without you." He pressed a kiss to the palm of your hand, "and now- now I get to spend my eternity with you."

You leaned in to kiss him once more, savoring it, you knew: You were ready to fall in love with him all over again.

You lost each other, but you found each other again, and somehow that was everything.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

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astro-rain · 3 years

Text

delicate; b. barnes

chapter nine- “to have or not to have indoor plumbing”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.3k

synopsis: no fallout shelter is perfect. sometimes you need to think outside the box... or outside the bunker, that is.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: what did you think of this chapter? what do you want to see next? PLS let me know! :))

Light did not shine through the windows and cast a bronze glow on the floor like it did in the castle quarters. He didn't hear the soft buzz of the cicadas like he usually did in the morning. He didn't wake to an empty room with familiar beautiful Wakandan tapestries.

This was because Bucky Barnes awoke in an underground shelter with no windows, stone reinforced walls, and a sleeping psychologist in the bed next to him. Somehow... this wasn't that bad.

He woke up before her, as to be expected. His body was pretty much programmed to be up in the early morning. That, and any time he slept for too long his mind conjured up remnants of horrors from the past.

The super soldier stood up from the bed and stretched his back and arm. It was quiet. A relaxed, enjoyable quiet. Y/N was still sleeping. He wondered what time it was. He didn't have a watch, and he didn't see any clocks in the bunker. He assumed she probably had her phone, but he wouldn't wake her just to ask the time.

He glanced around the room, and his eyes landed on the panther key. Perhaps he could go outside for a bit, gauge the time, scope out the area, get some sun. He never was overly enthusiastic about the sun, but since being in Wakanda, he had grown to love the warmth.

Warmth was a welcome change from the brutalizing cold Hydra put in his bones. Cold was past agony and torment, but warmth. Warmth was the rich, golden promise of remedy that gleamed on his skin.

Just thinking about it made him yearn for the outside sun and the way it enveloped his skin in amber rays. It felt safe here.

Usually, he couldn't stop his mind from worrying and expecting all the good in his life to somehow crash down around him. However, he couldn’t help but feel safe in Wakanda, no matter what he did. He felt safe in Wakanda and with Y/N, even though they were in a bunker hiding from a country's takeover-

"Bucky?" A raspy voice called out.

He turned around, not realizing he had walked over to the table, where the panther key was sitting. It looked just as regal and ferocious as it did before.

"G'Morning," he smiled.

She sat up on her elbows, avoiding hitting her head on the top bunk.

"How'd you sleep?" she asked. "Nightmares still?"

"Last night wasn't bad," he shrugged. "Still... there, but I got some decent hours in."

"That's good," Y/N yawned. "I'd like to work more on the nightmares soon. See if we can find any improvement. But don't worry, no 'Interpretation of Dreams' shit because I refuse to dignify most Freudian theories."

He let out a breathy chuckle. Sometimes Y/N would go into what he, in his head, called her silly psychologist speech. She would momentarily forget that Bucky wasn't an academic, and use big words to talk about things he'd never even heard of. Sometimes she would slip into psychologist mode when she wasn't "on duty."

"Are we movin' the sessions out here now?" he joked.

"Damn," she snickered. "My bad. No more psych talk in here, I promise."

"It's alright, I don't mind," he shrugged. "S'just you bein' you."

"I guess. I don't know to be anyone else, so."

“I would expect nothing less of you.”

Y/N then moved the blanket off of her legs to stand up out of the bed, just before stopping short, staring at the bed she was sitting on. He could almost see the gears turning in her head.

"Did I make the bed last night in a frenzy of exhaustion and not remember it?"

He laughed. "No."

She furrowed her brows and cocked her head to the side, confused and waiting for an explanation.

"I made it - well, as best as I could... all things considered."

Her face changed, melting into an endearing look of gratitude.

"Thank you Buck," she smiled. "Way better than sleeping on the floor."

She didn't say anything else regarding it, and he was glad. What she didn't know was that he put her in the bed after he made it. She was so exhausted, he didn't want to wake her. The task proved itself exceptionally challenging with one arm. However, super soldier strength and determination was a worthy advantage.

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked.

"Umm," she dragged out, finally standing up from the bed. "Not sure, I'll have to find my phone and- oh shit"

"What?"

"I don't have a charger."

"Oh. I'll uh look around and see if there's one stored down here."

Y/N stood still and looked around the room. Her eyes landed on the space heater and her expression dropped.

"Bucky..."

"What's wrong?"

"Do you remember what I said yesterday about the heater?"

"Not... really. Jog my memory?"

She quoted herself. "I doubt they could get electric or plumbing out here."

"Oh yeah," he still wasn't following.

"There's no shower down here... or toilet..."

He looked around and it hit him. "Oh."

"That's..." she trailed off, "a bit inconvenient."

He saw her begin to fidget with her hands.

"What are we supposed to do?" she asked. "We can't like... pee in buckets or something."

Bucky scratched the stubble on his face, about to suggest something he knew she wouldn't like.

"Well, before you woke up, I was thinkin' about going outside to get an idea of the time and maybe get some sun. We can go out and see if we can find a fresh water source or something. It's not perfect, but it's better than buckets."

"Outside? Is that not dangerous?"

"Danger is a possibility, but we're pretty far out from the castle grounds. I doubt anyone comes out this far or even knows about the shelter."

She took a deep breathe in. "I don't know..."

He could hear the uncertainty and weariness in her voice.

"If you're not comfortable, I can just go look and come back, tell you if it's safe, if there's water nearby," he offered.

"No. I'm going with you."

"I thought-"

"You’re not going alone. I'll grab my shoes and we can go."

Well then.

"As you wish, oh wise one."

"Smartass."

He grabbed the panther key and tossed it to her with a smile.

"So... how does one locate a water source?" Y/N asked, her footsteps beside Bucky's.

The Wakandan sun beat down on them. They'd only been walking for a few minutes, and they were already sweating.

"Keep an eye out for mud. If the ground is wet, chances are there's water nearby."

She nodded.

"Hey," she smirked, "Have you ever heard of Bear Grylls?"

He could hear the smile in her voice.

"No, but I have a feeling whatever that is is being used to poke fun at me?"

She huffed in a fake gasp, feigning over-exaggerated shock. "I'd never do such a thing!"

"Hey! I'm doing this so we don't have to pee in buckets. A teeny tiny bit of gratitude would go a long way."

"Apologies. Please accept my most heartfelt thanks, my dear old friend."

"Who you callin' old?"

"I don't know, does a hundred seem old to you?"

"You know, it’s disrespectful to mock the elderly,” he fake scolded.

"Yeah, well don't disrespect your mental healthcare provider."

"I didn't! You started-"

"Water!" she shouted, cutting him off. “Look!”

In front of Y/N's pointed finger was the end of a tiny stream. The source was somewhere ahead of them. And so they followed, continuing their trek beneath the sun's sweltering rays. It really was oppressively hot.

"Holy..." Bucky muttered.

"Shit," Y/N finished.

He gave her a look and he she shrugged, fighting off a laugh.

They stood facing a beautiful scene: a modest waterfall flowed over mossy stone and poured out into a little pool of crystal clear water. It was quaint and secluded, surrounded by rocks and trees. This was wonderfully fortuitous for the two of them as they were still technically in hiding. The pool of water was relatively shallow; he could see the bottom, but it was still deep enough to submerge his whole body and them some. The pressure from the waterfall looked mild enough to go under; perhaps it could act as a makeshift shower.

"This definitely works. Much better than buckets," Y/N commented.

Then she began to untie her boots, take off her socks, and sit with her feet in the water.

"Holy hell it's hot," she groaned, wiping a hand across her forehead. He noticed that she had been squinting for the last couple of minutes. "Buck, do you know if the water is clean to drink or swim in?"

"Why don't you taste test it? Then we'll know for sure."

She turned her head to him, an emotionless expression on her face.

"I don't give a damn about the super serum, I can and will drown you, Barnes."

A laugh came from deep in his chest. "I'm just playin'. The water looks fine, you should be good."

She cupped her hands to scoop up some of the water and threw it at him.

"Hey!"

"Aw, you look so refreshed now," she cooed sarcastically.

"That was uncalled for."

"Perhaps. Hey, how long until we have to go back?"

"We're not really on a set schedule. Whenever you're ready, I guess. It's not like we have things to do."

"Do I have time to like dunk real quick? It's deathly hot and I don't wanna walk back in this heat."

Dunk in the water? There are no swim suits here...

"Oh-uh... uh y-yeah, do you want me to like... wait over there-or-“

"I’m goin’ in with my clothes on,” she deadpanned. Straight and to the point, like she didn’t want any type of confusion about the situation.

“Oh,” he breathed. “You’d rather walk back in soaked clothes?”

“Yes.”

"I mean sure, knock yourself out. But be careful, some parts look pretty deep."

"I'm know how to swim, Buck,” she smiled. “Don’t fret.”

He hummed an "okay," before looking around the entire waterfall area. Instinctively, he started walking the perimeter, making sure they would be safe. He didn't know how he hadn't done it sooner. He must've been distracted.

The soldier made his way through trees and over rocks until he returned to the spot facing the center of the waterfall pool. He watched as Y/N's head slowly ascended from the water. She opened her eyes, and as her gaze found him, confusion washed over her face.

"Bucky, aren't you hot?"

"I mean, it’s warm, but I think I'm more useful out keepin' watch."

"Are you sure?" she laughed, tossing more water at him.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, clumsily trying to jump and dodge out of the way of the water flinging at him.

Y/N shamelessly continued. "The water's just fine! It's so refreshing and cooooool!"

Bucky's attempts at dodging the water were very much in vain. Soon enough his grey shirt had splatters of Wakandan waterfall water all over it.

He only laughed some more. "Come on! You're comprising our security!"

She stopped.

"Wait- I'm sorry. Am I actually?"

His breathing slowed, but his smile remained. "No, it's okay. I just think it's safer for at least one of us to stay out and be aware. I can go in next time."

"Okay," she frowned.

At the edge of the water, closest to grass, the ground descended into layers, creating a sort of makeshift staircase that sloped into the pool. Y/N floated over to the stairs, and leaned her elbows on the second highest step so that the water settled just below her shoulders. He watched as her legs floated straight up behind her, and each edge of her clothing moved up and down languidly in the water as if they were breathing with its movement.

In response, Bucky sat down at the waters edge, removing his own shoes and socks, rolling up his pant legs and resting his feet in the pool.

"There, now we're meetin' in the middle."

Y/N spared a gentle smile.

"Buck," she asked softly, "can I ask you a question?"

His brows furrowed at the sudden change in tone. "Mm hm."

He was expecting some kind of serious question, but instead, he watched yet another mischievous smirk grow across her face.

"Don't you have to pee?"

He rolled his eyes, and splashed her with as much water as he could cup in his hand. Y/N let out a burst of loud, boisterous laughter, wiping the water from her eyes.

"Why, do you?! Do I have to worry about feeling some warm water!!"

"No! I already went..."

"Oh, ew!" he howled with laughter.

"Not like that! I did it behind a tree while you were makin' your rounds."

"Well thank you for not christening our only clean water source."

"You are quite welcome, James Buchanan Barnes."

His brain slowed at the sound of his full name. He almost didn't feel the barely-there smile that turned the sides of his mouth up ever so slightly. Time became lazy, and his line of sight came to a leisurely stop directly at Y/N's face.

He got a good look at the reflective water droplets all over her skin, and the way some were falling off while others stayed perfectly still. He got a good look at how her waterlogged eye lashes stuck together in bigger clumps, making darker shades of black that contrasted her eye color, and how her wet hair was slicked back and flowed down her neck. He got a good look at the teeny tiny drops of waterfall that settled in her eyebrows, and how he had only been this close to her very few times before.

He couldn't tell why, but he wanted to take a mental snapshot of this moment. The charming imperfection of her was so genuine, so endearing, so alluring. He found himself having a hard time finding the motivation to look away. He must be tired or something.

He hadn’t noticed how still she was as well. But then, gradually, her smile went away, and her face was replaced with a neutral but poised expression. She slowly floated back from him, putting space between them.

"Can we go back now?" she asked. "I think the sun is giving me a headache."

"Y-Yeah, 'fcourse," he said, unprepared to do anything but fulfill her request.

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0zerome0 · 2 years

Text

They all wanted her, but he needed you.

Heads up this will have a sex scene so go away under 18's

You were taking a gap year, preparing to go to university where you would study (subject of choice), because you were taking a gap year, you lived with your parents while earning money at your job as a cashier, which wasn't your desired amount of money but it was enough to spoil yourself every once in a while, you wouldn't know what to do if your parents made you pay rent for living in their home. you had some great friends as well, they were so supportive of you, never judged you for your appearance but never lied when a dress failed to make you look like the bomb shell you were, in all honesty, your life was nearly perfect, except from two things. Your scar and your sister. Your sister was in her last year before she too would take a gap year, or join the same university as you to make that hell for you as well. In reality she would have been nicer to you if it wasn't for your scar, which was HER fault, but every time you would try to remind her she'd say it was your choice. You got the scar in a fire when a metal pipe fell and would have killed your sister, you pushed her about the way but the pipe caught you from you hairline all the way down across your eye and ending at you cheek bone, the pipe seriously injured your eye to the point you practically blind in it. None the less she still bullied you for it, your parents were useless as they would just say she's younger and making jokes. They never knew what a horrible person she was, it was like they saw you and realized that one of their children was imperfect so they refused to believe the other was any thing from it. Now you were able to brush of the remarks and the verbal abuse from you sister after a year or two. What you couldn't brush of was the fact that she turned to different methods to ruin your confidence, and there was only one real was she thought she could do that. Have them want her. Every time you fell for someone and brought them home she would shamelessly seduce them to the point in which every single one left you for her. She would laugh every time you found out, you even walked in on her and your boyfriend at the time sleeping together when she quoted "they all want me." then would proceed with fucking your now ex. You haven't dated since then, it had been three months. You were quite surprised when she brought someone home, he was gorgeous, you could stare into his eyes for eternity, but something was of, it was almost as if he was wearing concealer to cover something. None the less you sat down and started eating while your sister started to brag about him. "This is h/n and he is (age)..." She started to babble, he was older than you, also taking a gap year. It wasn't until you sister said how long they had been dating until you realized. They had been dating for 7 months. She was cheating on him. Dinner was finished and it was your sisters turn to do the dishes much to her dismay, you took that opportunity to talk to him. You grabbed his wrist and ran to your room. "Look I know you might not believe and you don't have to but my sister is cheating on you!" You burst out. "I know." He calmly stated. "Then why are you still with her?" You asked now ever so confused. "Because I want the best revenge, and what could be better than fucking her worst enemy." He spoke. "Who is her worst enemy then." You wanted to know, possibly become friends and then team up against her. "Then one she goes on an on about being braver than her and smarter and more selfless and prettier even though her face is bestowed with a scar." He answered. You put the pieces together, she never thought you were ugly. She was jealous. "I see what she means about you being the prettier one, she wasn't wrong." He continued. Your mind racing at 1000 miles an hour. He wanted to fuck her worst enemy, said enemy being you. He wanted to fuck you. "I see you get it now." He chuckled, you had mumbled the last part. "But look at you, I don't want to fuck you.." he went on to say you heart plummeted to that pit in your stomach again, he was just going to sleep with to get back

at her. You didn't do one night stands, you thought they were disgusting, so you prepared to tell the strikingly handsome man Infront of you that you could assist in his revenge plan. "I need to." He finished. "I don't do one night stands." You told him. He chuckled to that. "Good thing I never wanted it to be." He said, what did he mean, but before you could ask your devil of a sister barged in. "What are you-" she didn't finish, she saw what she wanted to see, your mind twisted and him smirking, she though he had degraded you to a point of confusion. "We're watching a movie, come watch." She ordered, you and h/n following after her as she left to the living room. Smut below the line: ––––––––––––––––––––––––– You were halfway through the movie when a warn hand slithered up your thigh, you snapped you head to the direction of the hands origin and found h/n smirking while staring at the movie, you brushed it of until your panties where moved to the side and a finger grazed your clit, you breath hitched. You looked back at him and he was looking at you now, your eyes then saw your sister fast asleep. "What the hell are you doing." You whisper shouted. "Getting revenge." On that note he stood up and practically threw you over his shoulder so your ass was facing him and you torso behind him. He walk straight to your room and dropped you on your bed. While you struggle to process the entire situation his shirt is thrown in the corner of you room and your panties are stolen by him. "What wrong baby, see something you like?" He teased, you were subconsciously staring at his abs an V line. If he was going to be like that you were going to beat him at his own game. "Yeah, that hard cock your hiding." You teased back, you knew how cheesy that sounded and you somewhat hated it. But the reaction it got out of him was worth it, he was stunned, body had stilled. Until he chuckled, it was a villainous one, but it made you rethink teasing him back. With that he ripped you dress of, you weren't wearing a bra and his eyes locked at the sight of your pebbled nipples.he crawled on top of you and he looks you in the eye. " I need you to tell me you need and want this as much as I do." He asked, you nodding your head slowly, his soft yet dominant actions turned you on incredibly. "I need you to use your pretty voice." "Fuck so hard that my sister is forced to remember how fucking good she'll never feel." With that he smashed his lips into yours while he grabbed and groped at your tits, your hands roaming over his biceps, back and abs sometimes grazing his V line. You moaned into each other mouth, his tongue wandering into your mouth and tasting you like it was his last ever meal he would ever eat before his fate would be sealed by an electric chair. In fact the only reason your lips parted was so that you and him could get a breathe of oxygen that wasn't from each other. But he didn't go back to you lips, he went straight to your neck, determined to find your sweet spot, in which he finds in no time. The second that moan left your lips he had started war on that spot. Sucking, biting, licking and open mouth kissed just to see how many moans he could drag out, his mouth then moved to your left breast. Again using his mouth to drag out even more moans form your beautiful lips. But there was one place he really wanted to taste, and he wasted no time getting there, he didn't want to tease, you were being so good for him and before you knew it he was eating you out like a lion eating its first meal in days, his tongue circling you clit and when you grabbed his hair he just browned into they bundle of sensitive nerves slowly tipping you over the edge. His fingers making their way to your entrance undetected as you were so focused on on his warm muscle on your clit, but the second his fingers enters you at full force did a squeal leave your lips, you were biting down on your fingers so you didn't wake the whole house up but his fingers where ramming in and out of your pussy at such a force that your fingers weren't doing much

anymore. Your walls tightened around his fingers as your eyes slowly started to roll back, and he sped up, he wanted you to orgasm first. "You wanna cum baby girl? Yeah, cum on my fingers princess." His words of encouragement to cum and orgasm pushed you over the edge and you came on his fingers, he helped you through your orgasm but the only thing on his mind was to make you cum on his cock, fuck your brains out and make you his, he hadn't had sex with your sister but he could tell you were the sibling that was made for him he knew you were meant to be his the second he saw you, he never had butterflies until he saw you. He needed you. Just as your orgasm came to a stop you felt something long and thick at you entrance, and you also knew it wasn't his fingers. "Tell me now if I should stop, because if you let me do this I never will." He groaned, he was big, around 7 or 8 inches at most but it was also really thick, but you didn't care. "Never stop." You moan out on you haze of lust. But it was enough, he smashed his hips towards yours he stopped to let you adjust but when you started whining he started pumping himself into you, at first it was slow and deep thrusts, but he slowly picked up the pace, going faster and faster to the point in which you had covered your mouth completely trying to not scream until he pushed it away from your mouths and kissed you, he now had your knees folded up to your shoulders, you had came twice on his dick by now but he was yet to come once, you could tell he was close. You close to your forth orgasm that night, he hips faltered and then you felt it, his warm seed filling you up, but he never stopped he kept on moving and the sensation of his cum filling you and his tip constantly hitting your spot had your back arching and all hopes in keeping quite now gone as you came with him. He fell next to you an then pulled you on top of him. He grabbed a blanket that was at the end of your bed and threw it over you and him. Both of you covered in sweat and the after glow of sex, you almost fell asleep but your sister rushed in to see you and her boyfriend naked only covered by a sheet. H/n sat up, his cock and cum still inside you, you turned to look at her. "Do you need something?" You asked, trying not to pant. "You slept with my fucking boyfriend, I HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AS HIM!!" she shouted. "You cheated on me first." H/n stated. "They all wanted you, but he needed me." You said quoting both h/n and your sister. Your sister slammed the door and ran to her room crying. "I don't do one night stands h/n, your stuck with me for a while." You stated.

"Darling, I wanted you to have my last name the second I saw you." He answered.

"then show me what's under that makeup and we have a deal." And without hesitation he wiped of his concealer to show a burn mark oh his forehead from a fire without a doubt.

"I'll pick you up at 10. But enough with the date, I'm not done fucking you stupid." H/n said as his hands slowly lifted your ass and slammed it back down again earning a moan from your lips.

Time skip

It's been 12 years since the night you and h/n got revenge on your sister. He took you on that date he promised, and another date, you became his girlfriend on the 9th date, his fiancée on the 67th and on the 3/3/33 you became his wife.Many nights like the fateful night of revenge happened and on your honeymoon,not only where two souls brought together, but another was forged. And now you have your 2 month old daughter Estella.Fire has torn families apart, but for this incredible circumstance.It brought one together.

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loudandsilent · 3 years

Text

Yandere! Jeon Jungkook

On the Lookout: Part 1

Warning:The story quoted below is only a story for entertainment and does not demonstrate who are and attitudes of BTS members.Read at your own risk.

This story contains descriptions of abandonment, Yandere behavior, and physical violence.

Author's Note: This is my first story, I've written and rewritten it a million times and I hope you enjoy it. It's very likely that there will be a sequel, but I will only do it if you like it, please give me your opinion. If you have any requests, constructive criticism or questions I will be glad to answer them. Also let me know if you prefer longer or shorter stories, I was really confused about how much I should write. The next story will probably come out next week,which is a request from someone very special to me,so I'll try to do it as soon as possible. See you soon ! 💜

Words: less than 1k

New life,new city,new school and maybe new friends. That's how Y/N's head was at that moment. After her father still in childhood abandoned her mother and her,Y/N's mother tried every way to support herself and the little girl,which unfortunately did not happen as planned . Even with her heart in her hands Y/N's mother sent her to live in Seoul with Y/N's grandmother, as there she believed the girl would have a better life and future than she had in Gwanju. Y/N could feel the trembling in her hands, as that winter morning was one of the coldest the little girl had ever witnessed. Walking towards the school the girl could feel the blood rushing through her veins, caused by nervousness. Her grandmother had informed the girl that that school was attended only by the upper class and that she had managed to get Y/N a place there only because she had an old friend who worked there and because of her granddaughter's grades, which were easily seen to be excellent. When she went to cross a street there was a screeching sound. Quickly the fragile girl's body was thrown forward . Y/N could feel the deep pain all over her body. At lightning speed Y/N heard door slams. It was then that she saw a tall young looking man in a black coat who had just stepped out of a black Rolls Royce.

- The light-skinned man was shouting to the four winds and Y/N was sure that anyone who was more than 500 meters away could easily hear the man's fury against the girl.

- D-sorry - Even though Y/N knew she was right she didn't have the courage to defend herself as he looked too scary for her. The girl couldn't even look at the man, he was much bigger and extremely scary to her.

Before the man could utter even worse curses at the girl there was another knock on the door.

-What is going on here?!- Y/N could see the expensive shoes and uniform pants of the owner of the voice, but she couldn't look in his direction.

At that moment she didn't know, but that voice would terrify her for the rest of her life.

- Young master, you'd better get back to the car, it's very cold out here. - The driver was trying to persuade the young master to get into the car, he knew that the young master's mother would not be at all happy if he became ill.

- So now only I feel cold? You ran over this girl on the first day of school and you want to leave her here? - The boy shouted, he could be much scarier than the other man.

-I'm sorry young master, this won't happen again. -The driver said this with his head down, a way he thought might have an effect to get his pity.

-Hey, are you all right? Do you think you broke a bone or something? -The owner of the most expensive shoes in his house in Gwanju crouched down to his size. Now Y/N could see his face, if someone asked her what he looked like she couldn't even describe him, she only knew that he was for sure the most beautiful guy she had ever seen. The girl looked at him for so long that she started to turn red, automatically in a natural act she lowered her face so he couldn't see her blushing face. But he had already seen it.

- Are you all right? - With one hand he lifted Y/N's chin so that he could see her face.

- I-am- The girl stammered, because of the cold and embarrassment she felt.

- If you say so. - In one swift act he picked the girl up and lifted her, leading her toward the car. He could see the girl's visible reluctance to get into the car.

-The girl was confused and reluctant, her mother had always taught her never to get into a stranger's car.

-Yes, we're from the same school. You're not going to tell me that you haven't realized this until now?- He was looking intently in Y/N's direction. Now that the girl went to realize that the school blouse was the same,she was so impressed with his beauty that she hadn't even noticed.

-You don't have to take me, I'll walk," said the girl walking away from him.

- Of course not, it's too cold and besides I owe you one," he said holding her wrists so she couldn't move away, "stay calm, we're just going to school, my name is Jeon Jungkook and you are? - he let go of the girl's wrists and extended his hand to her.

- Park Y/N - he said extending his hand and squeezing her small hand in his.

- It's a pleasure to meet you Y/N. Here, take my coat, it's cold. - Jungkook smiled at her as he pushed her into the car.

The ride to school was short, about seven minutes. And they remained without exchanging a single word. Stopping the car Y/N could already see many luxurious cars getting in and out and the noise of young people talking and laughing, it was visible that this place was not for her.

- Don't worry, you'll get used to it," said Jeon Jungkook looking in the same direction as her. The "scary" driver opened the door for Y/N who got out followed by Jungkook.

- Thank you so much," she said as she took off her jacket and handed it to the taller man.

- Not at all, good class," she said as she sent a smile in the girl's direction. She just turned around and started walking as fast as possible. Y/N had no idea where her classroom was, so she thought about asking someone, she knew that if she took longer she would be late.

- Hi, do you know where this room is?

- Yes, this is my office. My name is Jung Hoseok, your future classmate," she said as she sent a bright smile to Y/N.

It had been two months since Park Y/N had started going to school and in that time she and Hoseok had become good friends. He was always very kind to her and unlike everyone else he didn't criticize her for not being in a higher social class, just like he was. About Jeon Jungkook, she talked to him once in a while, but the girl preferred to stay away from him since the girl started to have feelings for him, and in her mind Jungkook would never look at her that way, he had a legion of fans in high school that were girls with extremely beautiful faces and bodies and were in the same social class as him. Furthermore it seems that Jeon Jungkook didn't like Jung Hoseok at all, whenever he was with Y/N he was bothered by Hoseok's presence. What he felt for her was just compassion,it sure was.

While Y/N was looking for Hobi in the break, she heard noises coming from a room. She went into the room and turned the knob, opening the door. The sight she saw was horrible and she would never in her life want to witness that scene again. It was two of Jungkook's friends, Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin, who, while one was holding Hobi, were beating him, who already had a pool of his blood on his feet. While all this was going on Jeon Jungkook was sitting on a school chair, just watching this horrific scene.

- What is this? - said Y/N in a loud and clear voice with tears on her face, making everyone there look scared.

-Shit!

Continue ?

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faebriel · 3 years

Note

ok ok I'm insane and couldn't pick one so have two (no need to answer both if you don't want to)

“You talk to him.” Not kindly, but he does.

“I’m used to him,” he shoots back. “I’m the only person who is.”

That makes Niki feel something, some uncomfortable tug in her chest. She mentally kicks herself. It’s not jealousy, she reminds herself, because despite the near-cliff jumping and the long nights without food and the nuclear fallout that has punctuated her last few months, being jealous of Tommy would be the least reasonable thing she’s allowed herself to be, maybe ever.

“You don’t believe me,” Tommy says flatly. “You never - eugh.” He cuts himself off with another ragged sigh, running a hand down his face. “Look, Niki, it’s - we were all together in Pogtopia, right? But I was there first. With him. And you didn’t see the start of it, it was horrible, and I’m glad no one else saw the beginning of it either but it was still just so shit and he kept saying all these terrible things about Tubbo and Fundy and you and,” he takes a shaky breath, “then, when I died, I saw him.”

Her breath catches in her throat.

Well, the voice in the back of her head whistles. If you were still wondering about all this afterlife bullshit, if you want to know where you’re going after your third life, here you go.

and

“You didn’t even - this isn’t about L’Manberg, Wilbur!” Niki shouts.

And then he stops, breathing hard, and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say.

“What else is there?” he asks.

Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut, her chest, her shoulders, chilled down to the bone. With slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes, sitting in her throat, threatening to spill over into a sob. She swallows - to keep her cool, to stay calm, to keep it together -

And then, something in her chest just snaps.

“You said you’d come back for me!” she cries, and her voice hitches on the lump of tears at the back of her throat and god, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Wilbur’s face softens immediately, which somehow just makes her feel even worse. “In Manberg. When Schlatt put me in prison, and you and Tommy were in Pogtopia, you said you’d break me out when it was safe. I waited for weeks , Wilbur. It was… it was horrible.”

“Niki…” a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker across his face, and he seems unsure which to settle on. “We got you out though, right? After the festival.”

“You looked for the button first,” she says quietly, and he stills.

Her sniffling sounds embarrassingly loud against the quiet background of night.

thank you sm!!! i’m gonna put these under the cut because they got a little long sorry (tw for discussion of suicidal ideation)

to preface: tommy is kind of the accidental but incredibly necessary invisible support beam for niki and wilbur’s making amends in bitter. niki cannot accept wilbur’s actions and apology without first acknowledging her own actions and making steps towards an apology, because otherwise it kind of falls flat? in that ending scene niki finally gets what wilbur is feeling and wilbur finally gets that someone else knows how he feels (it’s not perfect 100% yet, but…. that’ll get explored later)

onto the actual snippet! “tommy talks to wilbur - not kindly, but he does” was very important to me! tommy has stuck by wilbur ever since pogtopia, but the tragedy is that he is not equipped to deal with wilbur’s issues, and it shows. wilbur’s first stream after revival depicts this really clearly, where tommy tails wilbur around the whole time but insults him, is still stuck on calling him the villain, physically fights him at some point, etc. on one hand this isn’t healthy but on the other hand tommy is actually around, which is more than can be said for basically any other ally wilbur has had on the dsmp, maybe excluding his dad, who literally killed him lmfao.

this whole issue is exacerbated by the fact that tommy believes that he is the only person who properly understands wilbur, the only person who gets what happened to him, and feels like wilbur is generally his burden to bear. he failed to stop wilbur from both 1. hurting other people and 2. killing himself after the pogtopia-manberg war - and he doesn’t trust wilbur not to do either of those things again, so he’s stuck hovering around wilbur while wilbur is inadvertently setting off his own trauma and feeling responsible for any way he might fuck up and hating that but not wanting to leave. tommy’s memory isn’t perfect and he isn’t a perfect narrator, what he remembers from pogtopia the most were the scariest parts and that’s understandable but it means he’s holding wilbur to the worst expectations of behaviour (and he does so very vocally). the others showed up later, sure, but in tommy’s eyes he’s the only one who saw wilbur’s descent, and by the time they showed up wilbur had already changed irreversably. tommy tries to rationalise this by splitting the ‘different wilburs’ apart from each other in his head (he does this in canon too - there’s one quote from like late 2020 where he says he and tubbo need to keep on going for who wilbur used to be, not who he became, even though they’re,, the same person), and no one challenges that perspective, so he just keeps doing it even though it’s not healthy for him or wilbur.

and then limbo happened and, oh geez, THAT didn’t help jhfaskjjfsa

tommy is on a bit of a knife edge with niki in this fic. niki’s in this state of “ok, he’s annoying whatever, i’m moving on”, but all tommy knows is that she tried to kill him that one time, disappeared off the face of the map, joined a book club with two people who definitely do not like him, and now is just acting weirdly mellow and polite. she is not someone he wants near wilbur bc what the fuck is she gonna do? what is he gonna do? who knows. he’s frustrated that niki doesn’t seem to acknowledge how he’s feeling (especially bc once upon a time she would have been someone he trusted to acknowledge them - they were friends, they fought together) and he’s taking a big step by telling someone about his concerns here, especially bc tommy doesn’t really like talking about them at all. he wouldn’t be saying absolutely anything to niki if he didn’t truly believe she should stay away from wilbur, even if he’s wrong about him. (sometimes i think i write tommy as a little too emotionally mature here but it all goes out the window when wilbur’s brought up. idk if that balances it out)

ok onto niki: this is the first she has actually heard of limbo! she’s only just come around to the fact that resurrection is possible at all. death is kind of a touchy subject for niki both in general and re: wilbur in the fic - she’s coming off of a period in her life where suicidal ideation was, uh, a big thing (whether you want to read that into canon or not is subjective, that’s just the angle i went with in this fic). the sudden existence of a life after death, miserable as it is - and whether she really believes in such a place, when it only exists in tommy and wilbur’s words - that is a lot of information for her to absorb all at once. death is a weird connection point for tommy and niki here, coming right off of the fact that they’ve just acknowledged each other having those problems - tommy, out of, yknow, altruism, would very much like to keep niki out of that place, and niki is quietly reckoning with the fact that that is where she would have sent him. the concept of limbo from the perspective of a character with no experience of it, even secondhand, is so interesting to me like what kind of eldritch location would you feel like you’re living in asghjkl

(also - i gotta be honest the jealousy angle here but mostly when she’s talking later about dream not deserving wilbur’s companionship kinda came out after this post came across my dash while writing. whoops /j)

fun fact, this is the very first snippet of bitter that i ever wrote! all the way back in may!! this is like the moment of the fic - it's where the miscommunication that niki and wilbur have been having is shattered entirely - and so sticking the landing was uhhh kinda important to me lol.

wilbur's entire being in this fic is basically consumed by L'Manberg - he equates his self worth to it entirely. in his eyes, everyone (rightfully) hates him because of what he did to L'Manberg, because L'Manberg was corrupted and he himself with it, etc. niki tries to tell herself this, and while it definitely does form part of her issues with him, it was the betrayal that causes her this much pain - that he seemingly brushed her and their friendship off entirely when he supposedly left her for dead in manberg. because here is what we as the audience know: wilbur couldn’t leave niki in trouble when he heard her life was in danger, even when he was trying to find the button (pretty much the only thing he sees himself as having left at this point) and so he returned. here is what it looks like from niki’s perspective: wilbur told her to wait in manberg until it was safe to come to pogtopia, laid the place with TNT, went to blow up the place, and only returned when he couldn’t find the detonator (and then the first thing she saw him do in pogtopia was encourage the pit behaviour but that’s not what we’re talking about asdfgh). that is massive miscommunication and it’s been brewing between them for months - to make a quirky little reference to the title, niki has been carrying that anger with her so long it's gone bitter. it was never just about l’manberg with niki - not that anger, not her and wilbur’s friendship (hence the little flashback earlier in the fic, bc niki’s relationship to anarchism and statehood or statelessness juxtaposed with her friendships with wilbur and eret - she loves l’manberg bc she loves wilbur, but she loves eret too and those national ties don’t undermine that - is Real Interesting to me) - so when wilbur asks what else there could possibly be (because in his mind, what else could she have bothered staying around for?), she just fucking breaks.

“Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut...with slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes” - prose discussion time! heat and cold are two big throughlines in this fic - particularly for niki, cold is what she is. admittedly when i started with it i mostly wanted to subvert hot = angry and cold = dead but i kinda ended up enjoying this take on it for what it is instead of just as a subversion (also i like the idea of revived people running hot, their bodies r working hard to keep em going). she’s holding onto her feelings and refusing to deal with them, she’s frozen over. descriptions of cold are key to niki’s mental state throughout the fic - cold weight on her chest, feelings of frostbite when she and wilbur hug the first time, ice cold water during the dinner scene, waking up in the cold flat, etc. this was an attempt at describing a more visceral feeling of like, when you’re really mad and you can just feel the adrenaline running through your veins. always felt more cold than hot to me. when she starts to cry, the facade she’s been putting on is finally thawing out and cracking the ice she’s buried her feelings under. (also gives an excuse to write warm comforting hugs towards the end /hj). it’s a loss, it’s catharsis, it’s a whole mess.

and ofc this is all news to wilbur and he feels terrible, because as unintentional as it was, he really really hurt her - because the destruction of l’manberg fucking sucked but above all else wilbur hurt the people he loved because they loved him so much and not in spite of it, because they cared about him so deeply and his death was a massive blow to them. this hasn’t even dawned on him, because how could it? he respects deeply niki (lowkey respects her opinion more than his own at this point) so he has to listen, because it’s niki (“and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say” - because he does), and what she says fucking floors him. in his eyes, he failed her by putting her in danger and then by destroying her home - the idea that she valued him and their friendship so much flies entirely over his head until this moment, and he is forced to re-evaluate the mindset that has motivated him since… basically since pogtopia! the way i write wilbur is like… yes, he’s one of niki’s closest friends and he’s more aware of her insecurities and issues than most (which is why he does always take the time to listen to her, etc) but he does over-idealise her a bit. tbf, i think he does to some extent with everyone (calling tubbo strong on the anniversary stream, for example). also the fact that he really wasn’t around for niki’s lowest moments as a character! he still thinks of her the way she was in l’manberg - confident, steadfast, respected - and this moment shatters that for him as he realises exactly what effect he and his death had on her and everyone else, not just by his actions, but because they loved him and cared for him so deeply.

sorry that this got horrifically long!! and thank you so much for sending snippets in <3333

#ALSO SORRY THIS TOOK TWO WEEKS. LMFAO #asks #thespoonisvictory #dvd commentary #< i have successfully coerced a discord server into doing the dvd commentary on a regular basis and it is the BEST thing

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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I'm so ready for this chapter

I'm a simple person. I see David, I get automatically happy. I'm a little late cause yesterday I couldn't find the time, but here I am once again:

"The London Institute stood before him, all glorious and redeemed – once again holding a beautiful love story of its own." Its only the beginning and David thinking poetry is my reason to live. ALSO, YESSS LONDON INSTITUTE

Ah yes, Kit running the London Institute is just amazing

"At moments like this, David wished he had magic too. He wished he could protect Max from all the people who tried to hurt him. He had seen the way people had hurt Max’s brother and his father. He would never let that happen to Max." My heart beats in Mavid!!

“Are you two sharing a room?” “I won’t tell the Consul," And " He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favours." had me laughing so hard 😂😂

"It was not easy to get accepted into Columbia University, but Rafael had managed since he was one of the smartest people David knew." I'm so proud of my baby!! 🥺🥺

“I bought you some scones.”jseyjwiwjdh 😏

"He was in David’s arms. His face buried in David’s neck." OH MY GOD. I JUST CANT WITH TO MUCH CUTENESS!!

Ok, I won't quote it but the scene where David saw the portraits is just so beautiful like... Ugh I love my Herondales and David so much!!

Okayy, I dont know who this guy is, so I'll keep my mind open

"Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too." Ysgsksubdn THIS! Could I possibly love David more than I love him already??

"Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.” Yup, I can confirm it

"Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

But David knew, just beyond the surface, Max burned and bled like everyone else.

Despite his reputation as a ‘drama queen’ Max never let other people see his pain. He used humour and theatrics to hide it away." I feel this on a personal level

The mundane illnesses around shadowhunters is getting me worried ngl

"Until that, their only hope was Catarina Loss. David hoped someone sent that woman a fruit basket every single day for she went above and beyond to help shadowhunters affected by the mundane illnesses." She is such a Queen. Just. RESPECT

"Jackson Hayward" Mmm, I feel like I should know that name but I dont remember

KITTY CONTENT IS JUST *CHEF KISS*

“I’m not judging,” David smiled as he adjusted Max’s beanie. “You look very cute.” Max,’s cheeks turned purple again. David wondered why. He wondered if it had something to do with him. (David, I love you, but seriously???)

"Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths." 😂 I love how Selena, Rafael and David are the responsables and Max, Gigi and Lexi are the chaotic ones

THE GRUPO CHAT 😂😂😂

“Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?” and “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood" just got me like: 😮😮

Oh god the necklace!!

"Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor." I'm so proud of David 💙

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.” 💙💙 this just hits so much

"Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him." YEAH, I would like to add this to the book of the two million reasons why I love Magnus Bane

That escalated quickly. Like... Jackson hit Max? And David hit Jackson? What?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” I mean... Honey you knew what you were getting into

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral," and “David! Is your hand okay?” just describes Magnus and Jace perfectly 😂

“Well, technically they are residents of the institute,” Tiberius pushed back his glasses. “So, as the Head of the insti-” “Babe, no!” Kit shushed his boyfriend. (OH GOD THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!! 💙)

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-” “Use my words?” David asked. “Just don’t get caught,” the man winked. “Jace!” the Consul hissed. “What do you want me to say to him, Alec?” the man demanded. “Be nice? This is David we are talking about! You can’t get nicer than this!” “David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.” “Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.” “Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!” (I'm sorry, I just had to quote all of it cause I laughed way to hard😂)

I knew that name was familiar!! Oh, god this is a plot twist. Oh my precious boy must be protected at all cost!!! HE DESERVES HAPPINES!

"It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening." David fearing Alec never fails to make me laugh 😂😂

But if he tries to hurt you-” “You will unleash hell?” David chuckled. “Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.” It was definitely much worse. (Hell yeah, she is amazing!)

FUCK, now I want to protect Jackson with my whole soul from the nightmares and everything else🥺🥺

Wow. I feel like I should quote lots of things from all that scene, but its just that it was all so amazing and I wouldn't finish. Like... The story, telling each other their past, talking about therapy. (Kit is right, shadowhunter need therapy!!) They would really be an amazing group

Also, David reading to Jackson was so wholesome 🥺🥺 and the whole scene was deep and beautiful!!

Yess, my boys going to therapy giving priority to their mental health is my sterotonine supply

"Well, I hope it works out well for you,” Jackson grinned. “What is that supposed to mean?” “You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.” “You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.” “Stop it!” David had blushed and hugged him tighter, saying goodbye once more. (I STAN THIS FRIENDSHIP!!)

"Selena had broken the news that she was enrolling into Scholomance next month.This family was his soul." YESS, SELENA IS A QUEEN

"After the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart." ajkeyejdodj he is just to pure 🥺🥺

"At first it had felt odd. A little unsteady. And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life. Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life." Thanks, I'm emo 🥺💙💙

"Even if Max loved him…Could Max possibly love him as much David loved the other boy?" MY HEART!!

"His love for Max was endless and impossible. Did Max love him like that? Impossibly?" JDHWJSUDH🥺🥺

“Maxwell Lightwood-Bane,” David whispered. “Love is your birth right.”

"One minute he had been laughing at the portal, his heart full of pride. The next, he was in Max’s arms, kissing the other boy." HOLY SHIT THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!! ALL OF IT!! AND DAVID FALLING TO THE POND? *LOTS OF CHEF KISSES*

UGH I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH AND I COULD GO EXPLAINING EVERYTHING, BUT IT WOULD MAKE THIS WAY LONGER THAT IT ALREAY IS

Anyway, David is beautiful. I stan Mavid and we love Jackson 💙💙

This was so beautiful. I love how much you and appreciate David 🥺 It makes so emotional send help 😭😭😭😭

Also this is David Tiktok 🤣🤭😎

#lbaf #david beauchamp

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verobatto · 4 years

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Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

You are the one in my heart (Part I)

(11x11/11x12)

Hello my friends! Here we go again with another meta about season 11!

This time I'm gonna talk about the way this season makes us see that Dean is in love with Castiel and the angel being the only one in his heart. To talk more thoroughly about this, I divided the topic into two parts.

I want to say thank you to @destielle for beta reading this for all of you! Thank you girl! 💕

Get it out of my head!

Just a little thought about this quote that was repeated several times by several characters in episode 11x11 'Into The Mystic'. Of course they referred to the Banshee, but it was clearly a mirrored description of what was going on with Castiel, at that time possessed by Lucifer.

Cas left when Lucifer occupied his vessel, but while Sam openly worries about him, Dean confronts Sam and us with his trust in Cas and him disappearing… 'Cas is always fine!'

He was so embedded into his drama with Amara that he had no time for additional worries. And Cas was always fine... Right?

This momentum is important because of the drastic change we will see in Dean’s stance on this after he discovers that Castiel is possessed by Lucifer. From then on he won’t rest until he is able to rescue him. His priorities will change and Amara will drop lower, behind Cas, on the list. But we will talk about this in the upcoming metas.

Oak Park and Broken Hearts

I need to talk about the two songs in the beginning of the episode: they're extremely romantic, talking about two lovers and how they meet again. So… these may be just little hints of Castiel coming back to Dean after being possessed.

But let's jump to The Residence Oak Park. We meet Mildred, I know, but there's another interesting character, named Arthur. Arthur is the man in charge of the residence, but the reason why he sleeps at this place is because he separated from his wife. He starts talking about it with Dean, and it’s obvious he got his heart broken. He says this sentence to Dean…

ARTHUR: I should have sent the heart. I can be so stupid.

The meaning behind this? He regrets how they broke up over phone, but even more that he didn’t do more to keep her by his side. And these regrets are exactly the same Dean will be struggling with after discovering that Cas was in fact Lucifer the whole time. Maybe he should've paid more attention to what was going on with Cas, acting so weird… but because Cas is always okay, as he claimed... and with Amara on his mind, worrying him a lot, he just couldn't see it.

When Arthur is killed by the Banshee, we encounter through Mildred that he had a heart condition (valves issues), so we, as the audience, connect that bit to the symbolism of the broken heart. This also applies to Mildred herself when she says she has Atrial Fibrillation, another cardiac pathology.

So… why wanted the Banshee to kill Dean? What made Dean vulnerable? Also his heart! It was broken by his encounter with Castiel (Casifer) in the bunker!

Don't use me as bait

Before jumping to Casifer’s and Dean's scene, I want to point out how blatantly the writers helped us seeing the subtext.

First of all they made the Winchesters talk about broken hearts. Because they needed us to see that case revolving around that topic.

Secondly, after Dean and Casifer had their moment, Dean was very offended by the thought of Sam wanting to use Mildred as bait. Why?

Because writers wanted us to see that what Cas inquired to Dean was to make him act as the bait to catch Amara. And that was the cause of Dean's vulnerability and broken heart… he thought Cas was asking him to play the bait, thus putting him recklessly in danger. His Cas, who always had been loyal to him and who would never hurt him, always took care of him even. It broke Dean’s heart, because he thought Castiel didn't love him the way he did. Again, the shadow of the unrequited love…

And that’s said scene:

Dean enters the bunker and finds Casifer searching for something, looking disheveled with rolled-up sleeves and no overcoat, especially without his trenchcoat. It’s an odd sight of the angel. And rightfully so, because it’s not the real Cas…

After this they start talking about Amara…

DEAN: Yeah, I know. Saying you're gonna kill is one thing, but... Actually doing it's something totally different.

LUCIFER/CAS: What do you mean?

DEAN: I've had two shots at Amara. I struck out both times.

LUCIFER/CAS: What are you talking about?

DEAN: I don't even know where to start.

LUCIFER/CAS: Dean... Tell me everything.

Lucifer found something that sparked his interest: why isn’t Dean Winchester able to kill or harm Amara? So he plays the concerned friend right here to gather more information from Dean.

DEAN: I tried to kill her.

LUCIFER/CAS: Well, the two of you are connected somehow by the Mark.

DEAN: Yeah, no, it's, uh... It's more than that.

LUCIFER/CAS: Attraction? Oh, Dean.

Gif set credit @starlightcastiel

DEAN: I know. I know. Okay? Whatever it is, a... Attraction, connection... I got to tell you, man, it scares me. I don't know that I can stop it. I don't know that I can resist it.

Dean defines his issue with Amara with the word ATTRACTION, but he doesn't know exactly what it is, because he can't control it. Because it’s a dark force that drags him to her. So he doesn't know what it is, but he knows what it’s not (I will talk about this in the next meta). So, Dean is terrified… he doesn't like it.

Lucifer is lucky because he can use this against Amara, but he tries anyways to act like a comprehensive friend… but he fails… his first mistake is to place his hand on Dean's right shoulder (and that's when Dean looks at him suspiciously) because that's not Castiel's shoulder (profound bond shoulder).

And after this Lucifer says those unlucky words that will break Dean's heart, proning him to become a Banshee's victim.

Gif set credit @starlightcastiel

LUCIFER/CAS: Hey, it scares me, too. But we will find out what this is, I promise. In the end, it may help draw her out. This could be a good thing.

Dean looks at him hurt and confused. Why does Cas want to use him as bait? Doesn't he care about him?

Dean is pining for Castiel

Gif credit @demondetoxmanual

Mildred was introduced in this particular episode as a wise character, with Dean she talks about watching sunsets and FOLLOWING YOUR HEART. Dean listens to her, and really reflects on those words as we will see in the final episodes of this season, when he follows his heart trying to rescue Castiel from Lucifer despite the main plan. It will be a war decision, more accurate in the circumstances, revealing he never changed his mind and will and has always put Castiel first, because Castiel comes first in Dean’s heart.

Another interesting and wise observation Mildred made about Dean, and writers were very specific to make us see it, is the following…

MILDRED: Darlin'... If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else.

[Dean smirks]!!!!! Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember? I don't know who the lucky lady is, but I am damn sure jealous.

Mildred saw it, just like the banshee, Dean is pining for someone. The lucky one that has his heart however is not Amara, we know that Dean is afraid of her and he knows it’s not love that he feels for her. But Dean smiles nonetheless… he smiles, because Mildred found out. Yes. He is in love. Yes, he is pining for someone. And it’s a very hot, blue eyed and winged man.

A little Destiel mirror

Just a couple of words about episode 11x12, we have Alex here with a boyfriend that turned out to be a vampire ( a monster) which she didn't know about before.

Pay attention to this dialogue after Alex finds out her boyfriend is a monster.

ALEX: (To Henry) Nothing? None of it was real?

HENRY: Seriously Al? You were a complete freak! I mean, you were an angry loner, creeping around the school like some kind of trench coat mafia?

CLAIRE: You're gonna burn in hell, you sociopath.

HENRY: (Still looking at Alex) I could never date someone like you.

It’s a switched mirror, Alex represents Castiel now, and the disappointment of being rejected will come at the end of the season when Dean calls Cas their Brother. Oh yes, the car scene… and the coward We/Us speech… my heart.

To Conclude:

Mildred served as a channel to show us Dean is pining for Castiel, delivering an advise Dean will follow once he finds out Cas is in danger.

Dean had his heart broken because of Cas (Casifer), drowning again in the idea that his love is unrequited.

Alex/Henry relationship was a switched Destiel mirror and a premonition of the "rejection" Castiel will feel when Dean calls him a BROTHER later on.

I hope you enjoyed this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links Vol. LXII, LXIII, LIV.

Buenos Aires, June 9th 2020 3:17 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #destiel meta #Supernatural meta #season 11 meta #vol. LXV

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aot-snk-4238 · 3 years

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SNK Meta Part 2: Ymir

In my previous post, I talked about my feelings regarding Historia's character this final arc. Now I'm going to talk about Ymir, her relationship with Historia, and my feelings about her send-off.

Was Ymir a good character?

In my eyes, yes. When she was first introduced, it was clear that she had feelings for Historia, making her one of the only canon queer characters in the series (assuming Historia reciprocated those feelings, which I'm pretty sure she did). She also appeared very snarky and cynical, but us readers came to learn later on that there was a much softer, sensitive side to her deep down that Historia would be the first to witness. These revelations, including her backstory, helped flesh out her character in a way that made her very interesting and mysterious for me. I especially loved how sharp and intuitive she was. I'm going to quote the wiki on this part, because I think it does a great job explaining her impressive observant abilities. "Ymir was extremely perceptive and could discern the nature of the people around her with alarming accuracy, such as Historia's martyrdom mentality, Reiner's split personality disorder, and Sasha Blouse's desire to look good in front of her peers by hiding her native accent and developing an extremely formal way of speaking. Due to her experiences and belief in self-pride, she tended to rudely criticize people for being untrue to themselves. Furthermore, Ymir was very reasonable, as she knew what to do during her kidnapping situation and reconsidered her options to accomplish her goals." I also enjoyed her interactions with other characters besides Historia. Take Connie, for example. When he lamented over the possibility of his mother being stuck as a mindless titan, Ymir tried to distract him, albeit not in the most appropriate way (ch. 38).

Connie complained about this behavior later on, but Historia defended her, explaining that she was only trying to stray his thoughts from that traumatic discovery. There were a few more moments between these two that were fun to see as well.

😂😂😂. Ymir's looking at him like, "You ruined it, Connie..."

I love the way she pats him on the head. Knowing how much taller Connie's gotten I don't think she'd be able to do that anymore.

This becomes one of the many times that Connie calls her "ugly" when she's in her titan form. Too bad she couldn't talk very well as a titan or else she probably would have had a smartass remark to throw back at him. It's looking back on scenes like this where I wish we could have gotten more out of these two. You can tell she cared for Connie and I know he also cared in his own way.

We only saw her together with Eren once when Reiner and Bertholdt captured them, but it was very interesting to see their perceptions of each other.

Eren found Ymir to be mysterious and wasn't sure if he could trust her, which isn't surprising considering this was the only time they ever spoke to each other. One detail that he couldn't miss, however, was Ymir's undying determination to protect Historia, a goal they would both come to share later on. Meanwhile, Ymir couldn't trust Eren because she found him to be too reckless and hot-headed.

These were my favorite qualities from Ymir, although to this day I still question the rationality of leaving Historia behind considering the situation she's currently in. Historia herself called her an idiot after reading her goodbye letter. Now that I've covered my reasons for liking Ymir as a character, let's move on to her relationship with Historia.

Ymir and Historia

I've loved these two together since the beginning for their complex and amusing dynamic. On the surface, you had the selfish, confrontational tomboy and the girly, kind and beautiful goddess. But underneath were two young women who were dealt a dirty hand early in their life and lead empty lives as a result until they found each other. Their story arcs throughout the Clash of the Titans arc were beautiful and complimentary, and it's part of the reason why it's actually my favorite story arc in the series. Everything from Ymir seeing through Historia's charade and urging her to live her life with pride to Historia telling Ymir her real name and the two of them fighting side by side in chapter 49 was some of the most empowering moments for me and I will forever cherish those parts of the story.

Ymir's departure

And now the part I've been most excited to talk about! Ymir's glorious, memorable and emotional departure.

Her ending...was not what I expected it to be. She left Historia at the very last second and gave herself away to the enemy because she felt guilty for something that was not her fault. Now as we know, Ymir is selfless at heart and she felt indebted to Reiner and Bertholdt for inadvertently helping her return to her human form after 60 years of wandering the earth as a mindless titan. She also decided that Historia might be safe after all after learning that Eren possessed the coordinate. I understand all of that, but what I don't understand is...well...everything else.

This was Ymir's last real appearance. We see that Ymir has willingly chosen to accompany Reiner and Bertholdt back to Marley to give up her titan powers at the cost of her life. Many people weren't so sure if that was truly the last of her though, because her death was not explicitly confirmed for a long time. We spend the next 33 chapters hoping to get something more, and then this happens...

A glimmer of hope. Finally there's a real chance we'll hear from her again, and it's got a lot of people buzzing with excitement. Sure enough, we finally get to see what's in that letter a few chapters later and are given Ymir's backstory. Here's where the disappointing part comes, though. Ymir makes it clear at the beginning of her letter that she will be dead by the time Historia receives it, meaning that this is the only goodbye they're gonna get. The last time they saw each other, Ymir wasn't even in human form. Instead of a proper goodbye, all we get is a short letter. The anime even tried to fix this by giving us Ymir's backstory earlier, but by doing that, her letter was cut short by a lot. All that was really left was, "Hi babe, sorry I left you like that. Oh well, I'm about to die anyway. Sorry we couldn't get married." And then this happened:

Historia touches Ymir's letter and is suddenly bombarded with visions of Ymir's past, including her chained up and about to be eaten. That is definitely not what happened in the manga and its honestly very confusing to me. How was she able to see all of that just by touching the letter? I get that she has royal blood and was able to access memories when she touched Eren, but Eren is a human who just so happens to possess the founding titan. The letter is just a piece of paper. Also, I'm guessing the last thing Historia saw was Ymir chained up so that there will be no need to bring her up again like Reiner and Porco did in chapter 93. I don't blame the anime team for making that change because I'll be honest, when we saw that one panel of her in her death chamber it felt very out of nowhere and I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the chapter after that. So here are my main problems with her death:

1. It was off-screen

If I recall correctly, Ymir is the only major character in the series whose death was off-screen. All we got were her final moments, and there wasn't even any dialogue. That part especially bothered me because you can see that Ymir and Porco are looking at each other and Ymir's mouth is slightly open, implying that she's speaking. But what was she saying? You seriously don't mean to tell me that they both just sat there and stared at each other the whole time. She must have had some last words, but for some reason we never got to know what they were. At one point I even thought that Historia and Porco might cross paths at some point and he would be able to give her closure that way but no. No closure, just a last minute goodbye letter and a glimpse of her final moments that I now consider completely useless and unnecessary because we never got more out of it. I mean really, we even got closure and an on-screen death for Marco for crying out loud. Why give him that kind of attention and not Ymir? Not to mention one of the more recent guidebooks. Her character has the diceased sticker and it talks about how she went back to Marley with Reiner and Bert, but that's it. Not even the guidebook makes it clear what happened next. Yeah she died, but did anything else happen before then? That's what I wish we could have gotten more details on like, I don't know....her final words???

2. It was anticlimactic

We didn't get enough focus on Ymir's point of view after leaving Paradis in order for her death to have any kind of lasting emotional impact. As I mentioned above, it just felt out of place and messy. There was nothing memorable about her death either. It was quite simple and boring.

3. It contributed to an ongoing literary issue that has anti-LGBTQ roots

Yep. I'm talking about the infamous Bury Your Gays trope. Now before I go any further, I am not accusing Isayama of being anti-LGBTQ, I'm just shedding some light on something that's been continuously repeated in countless forms of media, not just anime and manga. Truthfully, I hadn't heard about this trope before reading Attack on Titan, but when I did hear about it, it only made Ymir's death even worse for me. I'm not surprised that it exists and I realize that this is a manga where death is inevitable, but keeping both women alive in the end would have certainly been very refreshing. At this point, all I could ask for is that Ymir and Historia get to see each other one last time. Obviously since Ymir is dead it will have to be through other means and I don't care how it's done. It can be in a dream, a vision or through Paths (which I think would work best). Seriously, there's nothing I've been more curious about than how Ymir would react to Hisu's current predicament and what she would say to her. It would just be great for them to have one last conversation face to face because for me, the letter just wasn't enough. Of course I'm hoping for too much, though. We've only got 1-2% of the story remaining, leaving no room for further closure. It's disappointing and frustrating, but no story is perfect. I'm grateful for the content that we did get, but I hope one day I can find a story like this one where the queer characters get to live for once. I'm aware of other shows like Steven Universe, Adventure Time and Yuri on Ice that give them good endings, but those shows are much friendlier towards younger audiences and aren't nearly as dark and grim.

Conclusion

Ymir was a very intriguing character while we had her, but her death was unsatisfactory and only left us with more questions. I am not going to trash Isayama for it, but I will leave this critique here so I can unload all my thoughts for others to read if they wish, or possibly share their own thoughts. We are coming close to the end of the manga, so now would be a great time to reflect on what we read and enjoy what's left of it.

#snk #ymir #snk meta #snk spoilers #snk character analysis #snk manga #snk thoughts

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