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l1tw1ck · 1 year

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Better Than Him

Can you really blame Kaeya for indulging in the pleasure you give him when his husband fails to do so himself?

Bottom!FtM Kaeya x Top!Masc Reader

AFAB Language Used

CW: Non-Con to Con, Drunk Sex, Fingering, Squirting, Victim Blaming, Cheating, Dacryphilia, Slapping, Spanking, Hair Pulling

📝 W.C 1,241

Kaeya has a husband. Someone he loves dearly, someone he's promised his life to, someone who he wakes up to every morning.

Except this morning, he's waking up to you. You're not his husband, you're his coworker. Kaeya knows he should feel guilty but all he can think about is how good it felt that night, how warm your hands felt around his body, how roughly you treated him, and how his scalp still aches from how hard you were pulling his hair.

It started with an announcement with your, acting, boss.

"You two are going overseas." Jean says. "To Inazuma, your task is to get the Tri-Commissions under the Shogunate to become friends to the Knights of Favonius."

"I understand [Name] going, but why me?" Kaeya asks. "Not that I'm complaining. I've always wanted to visit Inazuma."

You had been sent to meet with Ningguang a few months ago, just to discuss business, and ended up with her company supporting yours. You'd become friends with her and her workers along with a lot of others from Liyue. So it makes sense for you to try and establish relationships in Inazuma as well.

"Lisa picked you, I don't remember the reason." Jean replies.

Kaeya shrugs. "Okay, when are we leaving?"

"This Friday."

Kaeya had left Mondstadt secure in his love for his husband, he had no idea that would change.

Everything was normal up until the second to last night, when you had dinner with him.

"Inazuma alcohol is so different from Mondstadt alcohol.." Kaeya murmurs, feeling himself get drunk faster than normal.

"Do you want my water?" You ask.

"Will you help me to my room?"

"Yeah, of course." You nod.

"Then no." He giggles. "I'm gonna get hammered tonight."

You laugh and shake your head. "You'll hate yourself for this in the morning."

Kaeya's head rests on the table, drunken murmurs leaving his lips. You manage to get him to drink a little bit more water before you help him up.

You try to help him walk by making him lean on you, but he just makes it more difficult for you to walk. You sigh and pick him up bridal style.

Kaeya blushes. "You're strong~" He purrs.

You don't respond. You're glad Kaeya gave you his keycard earlier or else you would've had to have gone the much more difficult route of searching his pockets.

You enter the room, door closing behind you on its own, and place him onto his hotel bed.

Kaeya tugs on your shirt and stops you from leaving. "Wait.."

You gulp. "What?"

"Don't leave me." He frowns. "I can't sleep in these." He says, making a sloppy attempt and mostly failing to unbutton his shirt.

You sigh and help him out of his shirt, then his pants. Your eyes linger on his nearly naked body, just a pair of soft blue panties stopping you from seeing him in his full glory, and start to disregard everything that held you back from fucking him.

"Thank youu~" He smiles, going underneath the covers.

"You're a tease." You pull the covers away. "A real fucking tease." You pull your shirt over your head.

Kaeya's eyes widen. "Wh- wha..?"

"Don't act clueless." You discard your pants and then your boxers. "You put your body out on display for me and you expect me to not want to take you?"

Kaeya stays frozen as you loom over him and take his underwear off.

"Send my apologies to your husband, I'm about to ruin you for him." You rub his clit.

Kaeya moans, squirming around and trying to run from the pleasure. "Don't- please- ah~" He leans his head back. "Oh~ stop~"

"Yeah, moan for me, baby. Show Daddy how good you feel." You stuff two digits inside his cunt, your palm brushing against his clit.

"No~ no~ not there~!" Kaeya gasps when you hit his g-spot, hips involuntarily bucking up for more. "Please~!"

His pleas mean nothing when he's moaning like this. He keeps begging for you to stop up until he squirts, crying out in pleasure as he has the strongest orgasm he's ever had since college.

"Look at yourself, squirting just from my hand and yet you're still telling me to stop."

Kaeya's legs and lips tremble, tears falling down his cheeks. "No more, please, I won't- I won't tell—"

"You're so pretty when you cry and beg like that for me." You spit on his cunt, slapping it and making him jolt in shock. Kaeya's crying turns into sobs, not for your pleasure of course. He never thought you would be like this.

"Just like that, baby, such a good boy." You groan and slide into him, grinning at how he feels. "You're tight. Does he even fuck you anymore? Or at all?"

Kaeya doesn't respond, but you both know you're right. His husband never has time for intimacy anymore. Kaeya masturbates every now and then but none of those "self care sessions" prepared him for the huge stretch of your cock. He twitches around you, his brain almost short circuiting just from being filled so well. His husband doesn't compare to you at all.

"If it were me, I'd make sure you felt good every day." You slowly thrust into him.

"Nnh- no- I love my hus- husband.."

"If you loved your husband, you wouldn't have made me strip you. You wouldn't have invited me to sleep with you, but you did."

"No! That's n—" Kaeya gets interrupted by a harsh slap.

"You've been lying all night, I don't know if I can believe anything you say anymore."

Kaeya whimpers and rubs his cheek in pain, his cunt squeezing you.

"You liked that, didn't you?" You smirk. "You little pain slut." You slap him again, a sharp moan leaving his lips. You turn him around, rubbing his plump ass.

"No- no- I don't— ah~!" He gasps as you spank him.

"You're bad at lying, Kaeya." You laugh, picking up the pace and fucking him harder.

"'M nngh- not ly- lying~!"

He enjoys this, he has to admit it, but he wants it to stop more than he enjoys it. At least in his opinion.

"You are." You spank his ass again, your other hand wrapping around his hair and pulling on it fiercely.

Kaeya continues sobbing whilst moaning in pleasure, barely able to think now. "Uh~! Uh~!"

"There you go, that's a good little whore." You spank him again, his walls convulsing around your length as he comes a second time.

Kaeya's eyes roll back as you keep fucking him until he's brainless. "Ooh~! Yes~!"

You smirk, he's broken now. "You're mine now, got it?"

"Yes- yes~! 'M yo- yours Da- Daddy~!" He moans. "'M your cocksleeve~!" He adds, indulging in one of his fantasies.

You groan in pleasure. "That's right, you're my pretty little cocksleeve." You reward him with a spank. "Take your ring off."

Kaeya looks at his fingers hazily, looking for his ring. He briefly wonders why it's there, not remembering that he's married, before pulling it off and tossing it elsewhere.

"Gonna come-" You let go of his hair and dig your nails into his sides as you chase your orgasm. Kaeya manages to moan even louder, coming seconds before you do. His upper half collapses onto the bed as you fill him with your warm, thick cum.

You pull him up by his hair. "You thought we were done?"

#wicks🕯works #male reader #top male reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin impact #kaeya smut #kaeya genshin x reader #kaeya x male reader #kaeya x reader #sub kaeya #🕯️kaeya #🕯️genshin

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 2 months

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One thing I notice about the Taika hate especially in regard to Rita is the way the haters really idolise Taika's first wife Chelsea Winstanley and put her on a pedistool, according to them, she is this goddess he owes his whole life and career too and he MUST have screwed her over and she must have been the 'victim' in their breakup (people love spreading baseless rumours there is absolutely NO actual evidence for, i find those rumours peoole spread actually really painful to hear about), but Chelsea and Taika support each others work to this day, and make out he abandoned her and his kids when he got big (i saw someone say he hasnt talked to his kids in years which is factually untrue hes always posting with his kids and they were with him for a lot of the pandemic).

I also find the way she is contrasted with Rita jarring, I get the impression they see her as 'classy' while Rita is 'trashy', they literally refer to Rita as his 'girlfriend' rather than his wife when discussing her, implying Chelsea is the only one who is wife material and Rita is just his 'wh*re', I even saw one person saying she is doing so much cool stuff but Taika is only promoting Rita's stuff cos 'men think with their penises' (I HATE THAT PHRASE!) but Taika has promoted Chelsea's work before he had Rita's song link in his bio he had the link to her and his sister Tweedy's Maori translations of the Lion King.

I find that whole thing very 'Madonna-Whore' dichotomy, I also see people go on about how she is 'the mother of his children' in a bid to make him feel guilty for being with Rita, which I feel like shows the idealisation of mothers in society and how they are seen as 'better' than other women (something Jennette Mccurdy mentioned in her book) while we know how demonised stepmothers are, just look at sl many fairytales.

And of course all this is used to make Taika look bad.

Hey Anon! Sorry for the delay! Every time I came to answer you I had crazy stuff at work happen.

Yeah it's really uncomfortable how they just kind of make up rumors about him. He did those "dad" videos for forever and people were saying he wasn't in contact with his kids then too (which is like.. they're on camera with him man, and they were in his show in 2023?). It's a growing problem with people who are "hearing things" on the internet and believing them as truths with little to no research of their own (or going to sources that are entirely biased in their directions so of course they'll get corroborating "evidence").

Thank you for sharing this perspective, especially about the "mother ideal" vs the "whore". I agree, it seems like there's a lot of hate towards Rita for being just a modern woman not wanting to go down the traditional "mother" route. It's crazy that it's 2024 (omg crap is it really 2024) and people are still expecting women to only be birthers. I'm a mom, but I chose to be a mom, I knew that was something I wanted a lot of my life because I love kids and I love language, and learning and seeing that in a kiddo is great! But I know so many women and men who don't want children and that's completely normal! Not every person on this planet has to procreate (and honestly we're overpopulated as it is), and labeling women whores for not wanting to be a mother really is incredibly puritanical. Unfortunately, I feel like no matter what Taika does... supports Rita doesn't support Rita, supports Chelsea, doesn't support Chelsea, sees his kids too often, sees his kids too little, someone is going to have a problem with him. Multiple anons and mutuals have brought up that it really is pretty damn racist how the people getting the most hate are the brown indigenous man, and his Albanian wife. It's incredibly frustrating, especially considering how much he does for indigenous films, shows, and people in general.

Ps: Regarding "men think with their penises" that doesn't even make sense like... are you NOT supposed to support the women in your life? Like what does the penis even have to do with anything in this case?

I will make the note in case you werent already aware I am a white woman so I don't want to speak to black or indigenous experience when they can do it better-- but I would like to share a work by a Black Writer I follow on IG.

SRC: blackliturgies

I feel like this is INCREDIBLY apt when it comes to the situation of Taika (and honestly women in general who don't go down the mother path). Whether people realise it's a part of systemic racism (and sexism) or not, so many people have been programmed to shame others if they don't follow the "norm". It's why it's so important for everyone to keep fighting back whenever that shame becomes public. Anyway, sorry, your talking points are really important and they got me rambling! I appreciate you bringing them up. If you wanna talk more about them feel free to DM me!

Thanks for writing in anon, I hope you have a good day and stay safe and warm out there! <3

#asks #anon asks #taika waititi #rita ora

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ciaossu-imagines · 10 months

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Again, loving up some underloved fandoms here on Ciaossu-Imagines, so throwing out some headcanons I have about The Mighty Ducks characters! I hope anyone familiar with these movies will enjoy them!

Starting with Averman, he’s definitely Jewish. I think he and Goldberg are really good friends because both of them are Jewish. They attended Hebrew school together, their parents are good friends, and honestly they really rely on each other around the holiday season. Neither boy is ashamed of being Jewish or anything, but especially around the time period those movies are set, Hannukah was not as popular or as talked about as Christmas was. And when all your friends are talking about Christmas and their plans and the gifts they’ll get and all the celebrations you hear about are Christianity based, it’s hard not to feel a little left out so both boys’ kind of really like having another friend they can talk to about their Hannukah plans who will get it. Bonus headcanon but I think Averman has a bigger love of hockey and was the one to get Goldberg into the sport.

Hot take on Adam – I don’t think he’s this abused kid trying desperately to please Daddy. I think that while his father might have high expectations for Adam, his father isn’t really abusive. I think a lot of the pressure that Adam feels – and boy, does he feel a lot – is pressure that Adam puts on himself. I do see Adam as having some issues with perfectionism, with being way too hard on himself, and he struggles with anxiety and a need to be perfect but it’s because Adam himself knows that he’s got a lot of talent and he doesn’t want to waste that talent.

Charlie’s actually got a few hidden skills but the one that ends up surprising most people is that, at one point in his life, Charlie got really into magic and he’s pretty good with a couple of tricks, mostly sleight of hand stuff.

Tammy did enjoy playing hockey, I won’t pretend that she didn’t. But I think when it came down to it, she enjoyed figure skating a lot more. There was more pageantry in that sport, more creativity and more glamour in her mind and I think she left the Ducks before the second movie because she really did want to focus on figure skating and competing in that area. She did win several medals, but I think she largely left the sport around the time she started college.

Julie reads…for fun. While she loves being active and has various hobbies and interests, she’s been a life-long bookworm. She learned to read early, and gobbles books up. She normally gets through at least a book a week and does read a wide variety of things, though she has guilty pleasure reading that she’d be embarrassed if anyone found out about, such as romance novels and the Hardy Boys books.

Guy hates carrying change around with him. There’s just something about the weight of it and the clinking sound it makes in his pocket as he walks that drives him insane. He prefers to carry bills for cash and usually lets the salespeople keep his change wherever he goes.

Surprising thing about Goldberg…the boy is not only gifted with a green thumb, but he genuinely likes taking care of his plants. He only got them because his parents wouldn’t let him get a pet…they didn’t think he was responsible enough for a pet so they bought him a rather high-maintenance houseplant to take care of first so that he could prove that he could be responsible for another living thing. Turns out that he enjoyed caring for the plant so much, even giving it a name, that he ended up wanting more plants instead of an actual pet.

Jesse has a tendency to argue just for the sake of arguing. He legitimately enjoys arguments and I have this headcanon that he found the debate club during high school and it’s the most at home he’s felt since playing with the Ducks. Like, those are his people, that’s where he belongs. He gets really involved with debate throughout his high school career and I think he wants to go to law school after graduating.

Terry Hall…still hasn’t gotten the grasp of gum honestly. Not saying the kid is stupid, because he certainly isn’t. It’s just that he cannot, for the life of him, remember that gum is for consistent chewing, not eating, especially if the gum in question is a really fruity, sweet flavour.

I really do think that Karp is someone who is really easy to take advantage of. He gets bullied a lot as a kid and he’s someone who just naturally is the kind of person who really wants to make others happy and to have others like him. He’s a very generous friend but the fact that he’s willing to do almost anything to have his ‘friends’ like him means that he gets put into some pretty brutal situations and gets used throughout his childhood and teen years.

I think Peter’s an army brat, or something along those lines. Something tells me that this kid is someone who moves around a lot throughout his life because of his parent’s careers. He’s used to never staying anywhere really long enough to form completely solid relationships. He’s used to always being the new kid and needing to impress and be tough enough to both make friends and avoid bullies. I also think that while he really would like to settle down in one spot long enough to make serious friendships, the idea of doing so kind of scares him.

Luis taught himself how to juggle when he was a kid. He’s also really skilled at hackeysack.

Connie has the habit of pacing around when she’s deep in thought. There’s just something about moving that helps her think better and if she really has something on her mind, she tends to go running or jogging. The tougher the problem is, the faster and further she tends to go as she loses track of where she is or how far she’s gone.

Dean can burp the alphabet. Forwards and backwards. He’s really quite proud of this.

Fulton’s worst habit? He’s really bad at sitting and staying still for long periods of time and he starts fidgeting when he has to do so. He’ll stretch, move around in his seat a bit, crack his knuckles, but the worst is his leg because he’s definitely one of those guys who bounces his leg when he’s bored or restless, almost aggressively so.

Dwayne really likes to sing. He’s not horrible at it by any means, though a little tone-deaf. He’s a huge fan, because of how he was raised, of any older country, with Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, and Conway Twitty being favourites of his.

Russ has the tendency to get cold really easily. It can come out of nowhere too, with no real reason for him to have a chill or to be cold. He just is. He tends to always carry an extra layer with him as a just in case.

Ken has weird eating habits. He has to eat all of one thing before he can allow himself to eat the next thing on his plate. For example, if he has fries and a burger, he’ll have to eat all the burger before he’ll start eating the fries. He can’t bring himself to mix and match his food and not even he knows why.

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cosmicdream222 · 1 month

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sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

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eddieschains · 11 months

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Maximum Security

Vol. 3

Eddie Munson X Fem!Reader

A/N: oh hey guyssss 🫣 i went through a writers drought but she’s back!! this is honestly more of a filler chapter before we get into the juicy stuff but i hope you still enjoy !!

middle pic by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

Vol. 1 Vol. 2

TW// 18+, mentions of murder, mentions of sex

Guilty.

That’s all that rang through your head for the next week following the trial. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

You wanted to believe him. You had to believe him. But the jury made their decision. They were throwing your husband, the love of your life, the father of your child… in prison. And you had no idea how long you would go without seeing him.

Sentenced to 20 years, but maybe he’d get out early? Maybe if he played by the rules and was on his best behavior you’d be able to see him sooner than later.

You weren’t exactly sure how this worked, or how this would play out in the long run, but you had to keep hope. You had to be optimistic or else it would kill you.

The next few weeks were surreal. It felt like a nightmare that you couldn’t wake up from. Joyce and Hopper, Steve and Robin, practically anyone who had the smallest relationship with you and Eddie were constantly at the house. Comforting you, and helping with Leila, but the only thing you could focus on was Eddie.

Was he okay? How was he being treated? Most of Hawkins hated him already, you didn't even want to think about how’d they treat him after learning he killed Jason fucking Carver. All you wanted to do was see him, hold him, kiss him… tell him everything was going to be okay.

You had to wait about a week until you were able to visit him. Something about getting him settled in which you thought was pure bullshit. But, finally that day came. You strapped Leila in her car seat and headed towards the prison, anxiety running all through your body.

Once you pull into the parking lot, you sit in the car for a few minutes. Trying to gather your emotions and put on a brave face for Eddie. Once you finally pull yourself together, you put Leila in her stroller and walk into the building. Going through the rigorous security check seemed like the worst part of the whole thing. They almost treated you like you were the criminal. But, it didn't matter, because it just brought you one step closer to Eddie.

You sit in the waiting area, rocking Leila back and forth until a guard comes in.

“Munson?” She stands in the doorway staring you down. You can’t help but chuckle quietly to yourself at how it feels like a doctor's office calling you back for your appointment. You stand up and stroll Leila along with you as you follow her to the visiting area.

“Hands off the glass at all times. Your conversation is being monitored. You have one hour.” She brings you to your seat as you fidget with your nails while waiting for Eddie.

It feels like hours go by as you wait for him to walk through those doors. When he finally does, your heart drops. His hands are cuffed together in front of him as his orange jumpsuit hangs loosely around his body. It looks like he’s lost weight, which worries you deeply as it’s only been over a week since you saw him last.

His hair is messy and tangled, and his eyes are puffy and dark. They don’t light up when he sees you on the other side of the glass like they normally would, but he still gives you a soft smile and his face rests a little bit.

The guard walks him to his seat and unlocks his cuffs before letting him sit down. You look over him one more time before picking up your phone as he does the same.

You both sit and stare at each other in silence for a few moments before you break it.

“Hi, baby…” You breathe out softly, choking back the tears that are already threatening to fall.

Eddie closes his eyes as he basks in the sound of your voice. “Hey, sweetheart.” He smiles, something you assume he hasn’t done much of lately.

“I miss you… we all miss you.” You look down at Leila who’s fast asleep before looking back at Eddie. His face falls, and suddenly you’re racked with guilt. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that, maybe you should’ve waited for him to ask.

“How’s she doing?” He asks, keeping his eyes on Leila.

“She’s good. She started teething so that’s a lot of fun.” You chuckle and earn the same from him. Another wave of silence hits the two of you as you both gaze down at Leila. “How are you doing? You look… thin.” You move your eyes back up to him, a sliver of concern washing over your face.

He lets out a long sigh before responding. “I’ve been better, you know.” He chuckles. “Everyone thinks I killed Hawkins golden boy, so i’m not exactly Mr. Popular.”

“Oh, I thought that would’ve made you even more likable.” You snicker.

“God, I miss you so much, baby. I wish I could touch you…” He groans quietly, looking up between your eyes and your lips.

“I know, I wanna touch you too baby. It’s hard sleeping without you next to me.” You frown and close your eyes for a moment, remembering the feeling of his arms wrapped around you.

The way his fingers would lazily graze along your side. The sound of his heartbeat pressed against you, soothing you to sleep. God, you wished the day that could happen again would come soon.

Eddie watches you as you get lost in your daydream. “You know… since we’re married, you could apply for a conjugal visit.”

You break away from your fantasy and look up at him with your brows furrowed. “Is that really what you’re thinking about right now? Sex?” You snap, quite irritated that he would bring that up so quickly.

“We don’t have to have sex, though. But we’d get to be together… alone. We’d get to touch each other, hold each other…” He analyzes your face as you stare at him dumbfounded. “Sorry, I- I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I’ll think about it.” You respond quickly. “How about that?” He closes his eyes and nods.

“Time’s up. Say your goodbyes.” You turn around to the sound of the guards announcement before turning back to Eddie.

“I love you. I’ll be back next week, okay?” You assure him as he flashes a more genuine smile.

“I love you, honey. I’ll see you next week.” You both blow each other a kiss through the glass as you watch the guard cuff him again and walk him back through the doors.

As you leave the prison, the only thing on your mind is what Eddie said. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to feel him inside of you again. Yes, all you wanted was to hold him and feel him again. But, feeling him kiss you and touch parts of you only he can would be a bonus.

Eddie wanted to touch you again, and you would do anything for him.

Taglist: @choke-me-eddie @paranoidmunson @quinnypixie @ceriseheaven @joejoequinnquinn @darcyglewis @lovejosephquinn @aysheashea @reanimated-alice @lma1986 @expiredcum21 @avobabe87 @munsonslure

#eddie munson #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader

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puffpasstea · 2 years

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Could you please do a blurb where Matilda’s maybe not looking after herself when he’s away on tour and he finds out? I LOVE all your writing so much!!!

Hiii, babes 🥰

Sure thing! Thanks so much for reading!

——

The sudden vibrations of my phone startled me. I slapped the surface, feeling around the coffee table until I caught it. Reading the caller ID, I smiled for the first time in four days.

“Hey, do I have any underwear left at your place?” Harry’s voice on the other end of the line made calm wash over me.

“W-what?”

“I’m just about to leave the airport. Was thinking I’d get dropped off at your place instead of mine but, we’ll, I need a shower and…”

“Oh. You’re back?”

“Haven’t you seen any of the texts I sent you?”

I’d completely forgotten that Harry was coming back into town today. While I, did, no doubt, miss him a lot, I wasn’t feeling like myself and didn’t want him to see me like this. Should I just ask him not to come? I hated this feeling. The desire to be around people wrestling with the feeling that you’d be better off alone.

“Uh- I guess not. Anyway, yeah. There’s a drawer of your stuff here.”

Harry clearly sensed my apprehension. “You alright, Matilda?”

An automatic smile stretched my lips at the hearing of nickname.

“Yeah, all good. See you soon?”

“In about 25 minutes or so.”

Twenty five minutes were just enough for me to try and get myself to look as normal as possible. I knew Harry would likely be tired and jet lagged. The fact that he’d chosen to come over instead of heading straight home meant the world to me. Even if I wasn’t able to feel it right now. I’m sure that once my emotions came back, I’d be grateful for his visit.

It didn’t take much to tidy up my place, but that’s mainly because there wasn’t much to tidy up;) I hadn’t really cooked, or done anything at all for the past few days. Too paralyzed with depression and anxiety since Harry left. I gathered the empty cups and takeout containers from my week of ordering out and took the trash out, straightening any stray pillows and picking up misplaced items on my way back into the living room.

I headed into my bedroom to change out of my pajamas and into something a little more put together. I was caught off-guard by the reflection of myself in the mirror. Looking into my own eyes, I knew I liked miserable. No amount of makeup could hide the fact that I’m seriously struggling to feel anything at all right now.

I hated this. I have a good life. Really, I do. I know that I have been luckier in life than many people ever will be. And most days, I was able to appreciate that and push through the struggle just fine. But then there were other days. Days like today. Everything felt so overwhelming. I didn’t feel deserving of any of the luck that I’d had. In fact, I felt guilty for having as good a life as I do, thinking that I haven’t done anything to earn these things that I somehow came my way. Most of all, I felt guilty for even feeling guilty. For making Harry HAVE to comfort me, help me, and be considerate of my fragile and often-changing emotional states. I hated that my mental illness made me a less reliable person. I wished I could be more present for him. Or supportive. Or be as much of a positive influence on his life as he is on mine. I didn’t want to ruin his night by making him have to deal with me after the long flight that he’d had. I needed him to see me as someone other than a broken person crippled with her own mental pain.

I put on the first jeans and shirt I could find and practiced my smile in the mirror s few times. I was going to do my best to shield him from the weight of my emotions. It’s not HIS problem that I’m mentally unhealthy.

I boiled some water and rummaged around my cabinets for that herbal tea he likes to drink at night, pairing it with some fruit that I’d bought on a good day when I’d felt optimistic about changing my eating habits. Moments later, I heard him knock on the door.

“MATILDAA!!!” He beamed in mock-screaming, setting his luggage down and offering me a massive hug before he’d even made it through the door.

My face was too squished into his hoodie for him to see it. The scent of his aftershave flooded my mind, making me smile into the fabric of his clothes and inhale deeper, hoping to absorb every last remaining trace of that smell.

“How was your flight?” I asked with my back to him once we were in the kitchen.

“It was alright. As okay as a long flight could be. You know.” He shrugged, picking up and apple and biting into it.

“You hungry? I could whip something up, or we could order in.” I was going through the mental list I’d made of things to bring up to appear normal.

“Nah. I really just came here for the here for the sex.” He spoke with an even tone between mouthfuls of apple. Thank god I was still facing away from him because I could feel the blushing spread all over my face.

“I’m kidding, relax.” He giggled when my silence went on for a moment. “I just wanted to see you.” His voice sounded deeper, more serous now.

He tossed the remaining core of the apple into the trash and approached me, standing directly behind me and placing his hands over my shoulders. “I missed you. Is it okay if I say that?” A drop of uncertainty laced his voice.

“I- uh. Yeah.” I didn’t want to face him. I felt badly about not being able to reciprocate his emotional openness right now and I knew that if I looked into his eyes, he’d be able to tell. He spun me around and put a finger underneath my chin, urging me to raise my eyes to his.

“Hey, what’s the matter?”

He’d already picked up on my stiffness.

“Nothing, what do you mean?” I wiggled out of his arms and walked away.

“It’s not nothin.’ C’mon tell me.”

“I’ll go get your clothes so you can shower…”

I’d started to walk away but Harry grabbed my arm gently, but firmly, and stopped me.

“You can tell me anything.” He stated.

I relented, letting him pull me closer.

“There’s nothing to tell, Harry. It’s just-it’s nothing. Never mind.”

“It’s just what?” He was insistent, his grip on my arm staying tight.

“It’s nothing new. You know how it is with me. Just don’t feel great, mentally. But when has that not been the case, you know….”

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” He hugged me tight enough against his chest that I could hear his heartbeat. Even though I was snug against his body, I still felt exposed and vulnerable.

“It’s no big deal. It’s always like this with me.” I attempted to deflect, uncomfortable with the intensity of the moment.

“Just cuz it happens a lot, doesn’t make it any less difficult.”

We stood there for a moment, Harry’s arms wrapped around me, before he pulled away and led me to the living room.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He sat down on the couch next to me.

“N-not really. I- I don’t mean to be difficult it’s just there’s nothing to say. There’s no reason i feel this way. I just DO.”

“That’s okay. Have you at least been doing your checklist stuff? Exercise and food and all that?”

Harry had developed a directness and an ease around these conversations that instantly made me feel less alone. By not dancing around the subject, he made me feel less self-conscious about the sensitivity of the issue. I wasn’t even sure he was aware of how much of a difference it made, or if it was intentional, but I was certainly grateful.

I simply shook my head.

“Oh, babe. You know we can’t have that. Why didn’t you tell me? I asked you everyday!”

“Cuz I know you! I know you’d try to fix it. Even from thousands of miles away. “

He rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed with my reasoning.

“Well I’m here now, so I AM gonna fix it. And you will not try and stop me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

A mischievous smile lit up his face.

#ask #harry styles #matilda #dom!harry #harry styles blurb

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 3 months

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1) I could have told you that. I knew all of that, even explained it in a Tumblr post a couple of weeks ago. Where's my linguistics degree? Can I get a linguistics degree for my Tumblr blog?

To be fair I don't think I get any special credit for deep analysis for picking up on that, it's kind of the engine by which their entire double act works. Which anyone who listens to it will be aware of, but come on, person who wrote some stuff to get a linguistics degree, you’re not supposed to actually spell it out. This is like when Lee and Herring started straightforwardly informing the audience who would be taking the high and low status for that episode. The entire joke of that bit being that it doesn’t work, you can’t do that or you’ll ruin the illusion.

Closest they’ve come to doing that before now was that time when they Elis joked that one of them should make a massive life change so that they’d be more different from each other because there always needs to be a bit of tension created by the differences between members of a double act, and John said they don’t need that because they have it in their different levels of career success, and that may have been pulling back the curtain just slightly too far because there wasn’t really any way to reply.

2) This is a longshot, but I don’t suppose anyone would know how to find that flowchart? Apparently they put it out on Twitter (I am not I am not I am not I am not calling it by any other name and I kind of hate how I’m starting to see people shift from jokingly saying “I guess we’re supposed to call it X now” to just saying “I saw this on X” like that’s a reasonable thing, I don’t even use that website and I objected to its normalization as a tool of serious discourse in the first place but this is a step too far) in 2016, does anyone know how to find Tweets from 2016?

3) While trying to Google this Tweet from 2016, I came across the John Robins mailing list, which I had not previously known existed, so of course I joined it. There is also an archive of these emails online, and the latest one says:

That said, I will be releasing a recording of the show on Bandcamp in some form. Probably around March / April this year. I know it has value, and I was so consistently blown away by all the people who came to see it, it means so very much. I will pull my socks up and listen back to the recordings I have and make the necessary edits to create an acceptable representation of Howl for you to listen to.

Hooray! Thank you, John. You’re the best. I feel like I should make a joke here but instead I’m going to say what I’m actually thinking, which is that March or April would be perfect for me, as I need something to motivate myself to keep not drinking/drinking to far below problem levels (if I’m capable of doing the latter, which I may not be, I don’t know) past January, and if I listen to the “I realized I was an alcoholic and quit” show while being back to my pre-2024 drinking levels, it will just make me feel guilty. But if I listen to it when I’m at a good place with that, even if it’s still hard and feels bad, it will be easier to enjoy. And you shouldn’t take comedy as your reason for big life decisions, but right now I’ll grasp at any motivational straws, and that might help. So, seriously, for real, thanks John.

I am aware that if I start using that as motivation not to drink, this will kick the level of parasociality in my John Robins fandom into a new gear, which is always a recipie for disappointment. If John Robins has sexually harassed anyone, I need that to come out now rather than later (I'm like... I mean I am kidding, I wouldn't start drinking again just because of John Robins, I'm just saying that at this point his comedy is part of what's keeping me not drinking, and the possibility of that sort of thing leading to disappointment is the first thing that comes to mind if I decide to believe in something). It's fine if a story comes out where he was just kind of a dick, his genuine unlikeabilty is one of my favourite things about him as a comedian. But please let it have limits. (Note: Yes I am working on actual coping mechanisms in real life and not just relying on comedy recordings, but it all helps.)

4) As I found earlier today when I was cutting up all those Textual Healing clips, it is really fucking annoying that those podcasts keep putting in the radio sting 0.0000000000003 nanoseconds after John or Elis finish talking, and regularly wait about -0.5 seconds by which I mean they’ll play the sting over some talking, so it’s hard to cut out clips without including the annoying sting. Which I guess is the point of broadcasting stings. Sorry that the John/Elis clips I cut out so frequently feature the broadcasting stings, it’s hard to cut around them.

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mwebber · 10 months

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rambling stream of consciousness introspection

idk if this is self-triggering but a thought i've been having lately is that i'm just so bored of food. like you know in france or whatever how people have this like glorious relationship with their meals where they'll be rlly cognizant of all the ingredients and all the flavour profiles and shit and idk if it's even real, right. but it sounds like they're actively paying attention?

anyway i've been trying out that method and like taking my time to cultivate a healthier relationship with nutrition that isn't just "oh i need this food group so i don't get scurvy" or whatever. and i've always had a complicated love-hate situationship with anything i eat so it's been kind of hard to not try and remove Myself from the Action Of Consuming Food. but i think regardless i'm just flopping majorly at it. i'll have a couple bites of whatever sandwich du jour is cheapest and it'll literally just be a sandwich. is this just part of my bummer summer flop era or like am i doing something wrong when it comes to Living?

i've also been feeling uncharacteristically insecure as of late and i suspect that all of this is related in some weird mental way. like there's normal levels of self-loathing where like, yeah, i think i'm evil incarnate and deserve to choke for eternity, but really the last couple weeks it's been alarmingly off the charts. i'm not even horny it's so bad all my guilty daydreams are just about hugs and being hugged and giving hugs. it's really been harshing my groove bc i'm trying to like, WRITE, and BE CREATIVE, and instead of putting new stuff on the page or feeling any inspiration at all i just keep critiquing what i've already written or done. managed to pull myself away from the suicidal precipice again for the time being but i hate that i'm always standing on the yellow platform. like life is so beautiful and i'm successful and work hard and i'm hot enough to flirt with random people and i'm lucky to have enough savings to support my caffeine addiction and i have a decent social life and the future is really bright. so it's like bitch. why the fuck do you feel SAD! shut up for real! anyway. i'm gonna continue reflecting on things and trying to be at peace with myself.

#dear diary #i also think like. part of it is the feng shui of where i'm at rn. the placement of my room and such. absorbing a lot of negative energy #not to be littlestitious or anything.

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glitchyred · 1 year

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Well for my take of Glitchy Red, it just starts out the same, except the game is pretty normal aside from a few glitches and odd details and comments. Glitchy here, always wanted to have people who player his game to have fun (even if he did get hurt because of the glitches/cheats they did. An example being Missingno (he’s also got a few scars from the glitches in game hurting him). However he just snapped because he was finally tired of being hurt. The MC here was thinking it was just a normal game and that’s why he did that Missingno cheat. After that Glitchy who’s very angry and tired just well makes the MC suffer badly, who’s feeling guilty for what he did : (. Red does realize that he was in the wrong, even apologizing to the MC, and was about to well…for now. But the player had a idea, and talked him out of destroying his game. MC talked things through over with Red, and they started bonding : ). For a while MC just kept the Gameboy on, and always chatted with Red everyday (who also does love Pokemon here, he even has his own team that are also sentient, he’s just kept them away from the players. And the MC’s team earlier was replaced by them. Red’s team is Blastoise, Dragonite, Ninetails, Alakazam, Hitmonchan and Marowak). Then one day MC was using his laptop when another idea struck. That being, what if he could upload Red’s data and stuff on there? He asked Red for permission of course, and Red wanting to finally get out of there agreed. So he got Red’s data on a memory disk and inserted it into his laptop and it worked! Now MC has a little (sentient glitch) brother figure who can chat with him anytime. He did also let Red just get into his phone because why not? Plus it’s easier bringing it than a laptop. So happy ending : ). Might do a sequel which has slice of life shenanigans and fluff after this, or one where Glitchy here, meets some of the other Glitchys (he does not know about them). Oh and he also does not hate FireRed LeafGreen Red for replacing him, he knows he did not have a choice in that, hating the creators for just abandoning him. Oh yeah he also has abandonment issues (and also the fear of being abandoned and left alone (like take away his Pokemon and put him in a room by myself, he would panic). His issues are mainly with his creators (but in the sequel thing, he's starting to move on from them.) oh and I made him 11 for a few reasons; first that in the OG pasta, I remember that one line where it clearly stated he was a kid, and the second being that seeing your take of Glitchy was also a kid, well that made me less nervous to make a slightly more accurate Glitchy. oh and sorry for the long infodump, I just have lots of thoughts on my take of the boy. Your take on Glitchy in Retold and ;Glitchy are some of the best versions I've seen, I adore them! Oh and here's a image of what my Glitchy looks like (drawn by a friend on Discord)

Hell YESSSS so true!! I love the idea of Red having a team of sentient Pokémon that he keeps away from the player that's so sweet omg. I have a kinda similar thing to the laptop thing with the post-plot of GR:R where the narrator backs up RED into a rom they can play on emulator. It's a really fun concept and I like the idea of the player also having him on their phone NDJSJDJSJD this is so epic and I love ur interp your boy is so epic. The art is really cute!!

#thank you for the compliment on retold and semicolon glitchy btw it means so much to me!!!!#ask #glitchy red #long post

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fox-buried-in-maple-leaves · 1 year

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secrets for sera?

Does your oc have any secrets? Whats their biggest one?

Of course he has his secrets, I mean the guy is a psychic sorcerer... Even amongst sorcerers he often has to hide his ability to read thoughts, some people would find his abilities incredibly exploitable. Does your oc have any embarrassing memories?

Plenty, but swearing in Russian whilst forgetting two of his parents can speak Russian (and will scold him) ): Is there any weird habits your oc has?

Serafim will just zone out and STARE THROUGH people.. It's not necessarily a habit, but it is very weird and unnerving to witness at times. :eye: :eye: fr

Are there any secrets your oc has shared with other characters? If so, who, and what secrets?

Only a select few people outside of his immediate family know he's psychic. But in general, Alee knows the most of Serafim's secrets. How good is your oc at keeping secrets?

While Serafim doesn't lie, he's very good at dancing around the truth when need be. So he'll never tell another's secret if he can find a way around it(which he usually does, he's very smart.) How does your oc react to being told someone else’s secret? Do they lock it up tight, or spread it around?

Not Sera's business tbh... If someone is trusting him to tell him their secrets, he keeps those secrets close to his chest. How honest is your oc’s personality? Do they act how they feel, or do they tend to put up a front?

Serafim does not lie!! He HIDES things that he HAS to hide. But he does not lie. He hates lying. It doesn't feel good, he's a very honest person. Even in situations where it's like "does this look good on me?" and it obviously doesn't, he'll avoid hurting the person's feelings by finding something he DOES like, ie "the colour is really flattering!" ect ect. What’s something that your oc is insecure about? Something that someone could say to them that would really get under their skin?

He's kind of insecure about his accent? It feels misplaced in his family? It is noticeably different to the mishmash of spanish/french/american(canadian) sounding accents in the family. but!! he does bond with the twins a lil over sounding slightly different, so some good, some bad. But yeah, Sera just gets really insecure when his accent is pointed out because then it makes him feel he isn't as blended in his family. How much shame does your oc feel about themself or their past? Do they brush stuff off and feel carefree, or stay up at night recounting mistakes?

Serafim doesn't like to talk about the past. Not because he necessarily did anything wrong or worth being ashamed of, but because he suffered trauma as a child and he's still working through dealing with that. It's hard not to feel shame, even though he knows logically it wasn't his fault. Sometimes it keeps him up, but he knows his family is there for him now, and that he's safe. NOW he can brush stuff off very easily though! Is there anything your oc wants or likes that they have to keep secret, like a guilty pleasure? Anything that would get them ostracized, attacked, or just insulted for saying it out loud?

When you have ten million siblings, every god damn thing is something that will get insulted!! Céfiro always makes fun of him for loving dnd ):< If your oc could go back in time and change one moment from their life, would they, and what moment would they change?

How he reacted when meeting Alee! I'll write Sera being adopted into the family eventually, but uhhh... yeah he regrets how he handled that. If your oc had one day of their life where they were being monitored for a full 24 hours, and they knew this, what would they change about their routine?

Nothing?? Serafim is genuinely one of the more normal of the Destan-Mixtios.. he's just tryna go to school, work, learn some magic, play dnd, and swing his big ass sword around. If your oc had one day where they could do anything without being caught, what would they do?

Sera would deadass rob a Chapters so he can get all of the dnd books in physical copy, gn. Has your oc ever done anything illegal or immoral?

Only for survival. Not since. How far would your oc go to keep their secrets secret? How low would they stoop?

Not very. He doesn't want to hurt other people. Serafim would only hurt somebody to protect his family, not himself. Could your oc be effectively blackmailed with any of their secrets?

Yeah, definitely. But Vesper and Alee are TERRIFYING and that wouldn't fly for very long.

#⋆｡°✩ Serafim #From The Fate ; Ash #☾*✲⋆. Essence of Myrrh

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simplyeu4ria · 2 years

Text

chapter 1:the werewolf heartthrob

Name: the werewolf heartthrob

🐺 ❁

Pairing: Werewolf! Jungkook x Unknown identity! Reader

~(severely unedited: started 02/05/2022 ended 01/06/2022)~

Genre: high school au, werewolf au, angst, uncomfortable moments but only on a couple of parts, lots and lots of fluff, family abuse (mentions only) but Namjoon saves the day

Rating: +17 au

Summary: You are y/n the simple orphan girl, who lives with your step-parents who don’t treat you right. The school make a laugh at you but when Jin and Jimin help you your life changed from the bad to the good. Jungkook the heartthrob is not what you think behind those cold stares that you get across the classroom. With him and his six other stepbrothers and a couple of girls they reveal they are more than just the popular…

Word count: longest story I have written so far 45004

(and coincidently 4 versions of this story, 5 weeks to make, and 4 years of loving BTS)

Warnings: some uncomfortable moments, mean talk, mention of degrading names, mild swearing

a/n: first request/story on this account; since this a popular type of oneshot for Jungkook I am sorry in advance if this like another oneshot, have fun reading

I have noted similarities in other ffs throughout, please notify me if you find another

I can say that this original and that its my own work, but since this is not subjected under copyright because its Tumblr please do not copy my work you will feel guilty in the end, trust me.

Happy indulging into an infp-t’s mind common things you will see;

Subtle reference to books that I have read

Very romantic moments

Things that don’t make sense but makes sense in my head

Maybe a spoiler to the next book idea

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the last day of year 10 just before the summer holidays. Exams are done and now you are walking home with your earphones in. Just then halfway through your walk you see the 7 group of schoolboys just a couple of meters ahead of you, they were also going home. You knew them of course; ‘the most handsome boys of the school’ (according to the girls). Most of them getting average grades, but were amazing at sports, making all the girls drool when they walk by, you rolled your eyes at the thought.

You then focused your eyes on the youngest of the group, the school’s heartthrob. Yes, you thought he was handsome, but you always thought that he was the overconfident and boring heartthrob that was always described in the fiction books. You sighed before turning left walking in another direction to your house, separating you and the group.

Though you had talked to Taehyung and Jin who were in one of your classes and you teacher had paired the three of you up often for the group activities . You could not help but notice the stares pointing lasers at the back of head, that the youngest gave you.

You had seen them many times before, most of the time they looked annoyed but other rare ones were ones had fondness. You did not understand why he was giving you those looks, but it bugged you a lot because all the girls in the school hated you for it. Since you were the only one who got his attention, no matter how hard they tried.

Without realising you had reached the front door of your house and had to grab your keys before opening it up and headed upstairs to take a shower. You wish you could stop this and the next year and everything could be normal.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday September 4th, 2020

‘This is it the final year’ you thought as you looked at the entrance of the school before heading inside and walked to your locker, to your left you could see the 7 popular boys being crowded by girls. But you rolled your eyes at the sight walking in the opposite direction, you had just grabbed your stuff and was about to put into your bag, before someone shoved your back knocking the books out of your hand.

‘Watch it, loony girl.’ You looked up at the boys, you could hear sniggering.

‘Hey, it not your place to say that you lost at beer pong to us. You absolute dingbat.’ Jin said

‘But why would you care about her.’ The same boy replied.

‘Because at least we are nice that why we get the girls unlike you, Jacob. Leave now everyone, form time is about to start.’ Jimin said while crossing his arms over his chest.

At this moment you did not know what to think as everyone; left everyone casting nasty looks at you whilst endearing look to the two boys. Once everyone left you began to pick up your stuff off the ground. Jimin and Jin, turned around before helping you.

‘You don’t need to help its fine.’ you said ‘Its fine we wa-‘ Jin was saying before he paused while looking at a drawing that was present in your sketchbook. ‘-nt to help.’ He finish before making eye contact with Jimin who also widened his eyes at the picture. You caught on quickly and grabbed the book before quickly putting in your bag, before quickly walking away. The boys were speechless.

‘Hey! y/n wait up.’ They chased after you after finally recollecting our thoughts you stopped and turned back to them ‘Go on say it, tell me that I am weird like everyone says I am, drawing wolves and only wolves.’

‘What? No, we didn‘t want to say that we are sorry for looking it was not our right to look at your private things. But really, we think its amazing.’ Jimin said whilst looking at Jin before their eyes met and they both looked apologetically at you, they both reminded you of kicked puppies.

‘No its fine, everyone seem to think that when they look at my book. I just thought of the worst since I do not usually talk to you or the boys.’

‘Hey why don’t we walk you to class we can vouch for you to say why you were late, and in return you can be our friends.’ Jin said smiling gently.

I smiled before nodding.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 days later… Friday September 6th, 2020

You were close friends with Jimin and Jin and had soon exchanged numbers with the each of them and are now constantly seen laughing at Jin’s dad jokes and constantly being showered with affection by Jimin. Everyone was little to say that they were confused at the sight. But that did not stop the laser eyes you felt at the back of your head; one day you are going to tell Jimin and Jin to make Jungkook stop staring at you.

You were in your usual spot in the corner of the courtyard, till you heard footsteps. Jin was heading towards you.

‘Hey y/n.’

‘Hi Jin. What’s up?’ he sat down next to you with his hands on the table

‘You didn’t respond to my text messages, so I tried to find you.’ You glanced at your lock-screen seeing 15 messages from Jin and Jimin.

‘Oh sorry, for not responding I was catching up on my thoughts about something.’

‘Well me and Jimin thought it was the right time that you meet the rest of our group since they were so curious about who was keeping our attention away from the group and when we mentioned you most of them wanted to meet you.’ Jin explained.

Seeing my blank expression, he further asked

‘So will you be free?’ he fidgeted his fingers nervously against the table.

‘Really? They want to meet me?’ you asked back surprised.

‘Yeah, they do. So?’ he asked again.

‘Yeah, I think I will be free but not today, I have a extra curricular club, tomorrow on Saturday for Lunch?’ you replied.

‘Yeah, I think we can do that, but don’t worry you’ll love my cooking.’ Jin smirked.

‘I bet I will.’ you smiled back

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday 7th September 2020

Jin had texted you the address and you realised it was a 10-minute walk from my house. Once you reached there, you saw a large 2-storey house that was large enough to house a lot of people. It had a double garage to the left. You walked towards the front door you could here loud talking so you knocked on the door announcing my presence to the residents.

Someone eventually opened the door it was Taehyung, he smiled at you;

‘Come on inside y/n. Jin and Suga are about to finish Lunch, it will be done in another 10 minutes. You nodded before walking inside the house. Taking off my shoes near the entrance and you looked around, they could see the landing for the top floor from the entrance gaurd by a terrace looking in the main entrance hall below, there was large door to the right and the right 2 doors a large staircase was in front of the first leading upstairs.

A large oak door was at the back of the hall but was closed but you could hear voice coming from there. Taehyung sensed that you was looking around before he smiled and said ‘The door to the left is the TV room and to the right the closest door is Namjoon’s study. The other doors in the corner leads to the downstairs bathroom and garage. Upstairs are the bathrooms and the bedrooms’ you smiled and nodded.

Taehyung led you further inside the house behind the oak door, then you saw a large open floor plan of the rest of the house. To your right you could see the kitchen, and in the back corner on the right side, held the large dining room with an island. You could see Jin and who you presumed was Suga from, Taehyung’s description. Both of which were cooking food. In the far-right corner was a large dining room, with a fireplace that looked out to the large garden.

To the left was a sitting area, and in the far-left corner you saw a large gaming area/TV area. You saw Jimin and another male who was loud and had bright smile of sunshine. You could see them laughing loudly at Jimin shouting at the game in the TV. Chuckled at them before a voice cut out my thoughts.

‘Y/n you made it!’ Jin said. you turned back to the kitchen finding Jin looking at you while he was preparing the final touches to some of the food. ‘I chuckled of course I did. I could not miss your cooking.’ you said smiling. He smiled back before looking at the two boys gaming.

‘Jimin and Hoseok! Y/n is here, lay out the table, we have finished making the food.’ Suga said.

‘Hi y/n!’ they both said before they went to grab some of the plates on the kitchen island before walking back to the dining table Jimin hugged you quickly and you hugged back giggling. ‘Taehyung, get Jungkook and Namjoon, and tell them the food is ready.’ Jin said.

Taehyung smiled at you before leaving to go to the study and calling Namjoon before upstairs to get Jungkook. I smiled before asking ‘Do you need some help?’ you asked Jin. ‘Nope, their nothing left to help with, just sit down while we wait for the rest.’ Jin said before smiling back at you.

You nodded before going to sit at one of the middle seats. Jimin and Hoseok and sat beside me. ‘Hi y/n, I am Hoseok the sunshine of the group.’ you smiled and shook his open hand.

‘I am Yoongi also known as Suga.’ The short man said you smiled and nodded at him. He nodded back before he took a seat across from Hoseok, Jin sat on Hoseok other side. We heard footsteps from the oak doors.

I saw a taller blonde man who you thought was Namjoon, Taehyung and lastly Jungkook entered they all sat down Taehyung on front of you whilst Namjoon on the end next to him and Jungkook next to him, in front of Jimin. ‘Hi, I am Namjoon the leader of this group hope you feel welcome, you thanked him. And everyone turned to Jungkook. ‘Hi, I am Jungkook, the youngest of the group.’ he said whilst staring deeply into my eyes. You widened and looked away before nodding.

‘So shall we eat?’ Jin said trying to diffuse the tension. We nodded and began eating.

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Since then, you began talking to all the boys except Jungkook, he still hates you for some reason. But according to the boys he does not hate you he is just shy. Shy? That does not make any sense at all if he was shy, why is he on the basketball team. Just then you collided into someone, snapping you out of your thoughts then you saw the mean girl Kira staring at you. Oh dear…

‘Sorry’ you mumbled.

‘Sorry? You should be 1st you take away my crush’s attention from me and now you bump into me what is your problem y/n!’ she shouted at me, and you flinched. Everyone surrounding us was looking at you before whispering and giggling ‘She got the attention of him she must have done something.’-‘She must have been slutty around him.’

‘Well, aren’t you going to say something?’ Kira scoffed.

‘Well there is nothing to say.’ you mumbled looking down at your feet.

‘What did you say?’ Kira said while advancing towards, you froze, then you felt a large sting. She slapped you on the cheek her nails left a sharp scratch near your right eye. She was about to hit you again and you turned your head to the side, by instinct. Then a loud BANG was heard.

‘Didn’t I tell you to leave her alone.’ you slowly opened your eyes. And saw Jungkook standing they’re in front of you, Kira on the other hand was up against the wall in pain. Her goons could only look between her and Jungkook in shock.

‘But-’ Kira said.

‘I suggest, Kira, you leave her alon- no listen,’ he saw Kira trying to defend herself again, ‘you were the one who started the fight she only bumped into you accidently, and if you dare to insult her again you will get the worst of me. Just because she grabbed my attention, does not mean you go and start fights and rumours about her.

And all of you gullible and naïve people,’ he said while looking around at the crowd

‘I suggest you don’t believe a word that this girl says she just only wants attention she’s the idiot around here, not her…not y/n.’

He walked over to you and asked,

‘Are you okay?’ you nodded.

Just then the principal walked in and said ‘Kira, you are to meet me in the principal’s office now I am going to meet with your parents and tell them what you have done this ongoing bullying is not permitted in the school I saw what you did this time, and you will not get away with it so easily.’ Kira looked defeated but she walked away following the principal.

‘Now scram.’ Jungkook said and everyone left.

‘Hey, are you all right, y/n.’ You saw Hoseok and the others. You nodded and turned to Jungkook before smiling. ‘Thank you.’ You said.

‘Always.’ He smiled back.

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c4rved-pumpk1n · 2 years

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TW: Mini Rant

I feel guilty for being alive. I haven't done anything to deserve it, and my family is getting tight on money, so I feel guilty for needing food and wanting more stuff.

I just want to kill myself but I don't want to put us in a bad spot if I do end up surviving cause mom and dad will have to pay for my medical bills.

Not only that, but I don't even have it that bad. I have a pretty good life, I've never been abused or sa'd, I have no reason to be depressed/have anxiety/have an ed.

Which makes me feel even more invalid. I'm literally faking everything. I eat normally most of the time, and I can't even stick to a fast. I hate the term "wannarexic" but that's exactly what I feel like.

I just want to starve until there's nothing left

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tomesandrosebud · 1 year

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Chapter 2: DANCES WITH WOLVES! My Babysitter’s A Vampire (MBAV)! Fanfic!

Courtney told Grandma Weir all about how today was her birthday and she just turned 16 years old, much like she had expected from what the book had said. Courtney told her about what she was told from her mother about how tonight was to be her first transformation and about how the last memory she had was that of being put in the cage right before the full moon was supposed to hit.

It wasn’t a lot of information that she could give them, but it definitely gave enough of an idea of what could’ve happened to her. The only part grandma didn’t understand was that of her hair color change. Courtney was telling her that before she woke up her hair had been dark like the color of Ethan or Benny’s but now looking at her it’s a bright blue color. Almost looks like it grew straight out of her head that way. But just based on the story it sounds like Courtney transitioned and being that for the first time she wasn’t so easily able to control herself as the wolf form probably completely took over and did some stuff until she eventually showed up here…They just needed to be able to figure out where she’d been and what she’d done to have arrived here, where was she from. But when asked, it seems Courtney didn’t even know that information either. Since all she knew of her life was living in that cave with her pack.

“Okay, well if that is all the information we can gather for right now, you stay here for the night, tomorrow I will have to leave a bit early to take a little bit of a trip to try to get some new herbs.” Grandma spoke, getting off the bed and starting to pack up some supplies in her case.

“Ethan,” she asked, turning her attention to the group of teens.

“You said you saw her over a body?” Ethan nods.

“Okay, there’s a potion I can make to help her get her memories back, and then we can figure out what happened.”

“Ms. Weir, not to question your judgment or anything, but are you sure you can just trust letting her stay here? Sounds like she could’ve killed someone...”

Upon hearing this coming from Sarah, Courtney looked down worryingly and also feeling pretty guilty, playing with the dead skin on her fingers and nail bed and wondering, praying to God that it wasn’t true. That wasn’t her...she wouldn’t hurt anyone she swears...but can she really if something happened that she couldn’t control? The tears threatened to fall again and then when she looked up they were all just looking at her again.

“I appreciate your concern Sarah, but I have a good feeling about her, I will take my chances, but if it makes you all feel better...” And then Grandma approaches Courtney. Reaching to grab another small vial next to the bedside, she sprinkles a little of the blue colored potion dust over the young girl's head. “There, now she is unable to change again until the next full moon. Happy?” She asked the group, to which they all nodded, and Rory was still with everything just looking at her with the biggest lovey dovey eyes ever like he just felt something radiating off her energy, he didn’t care if their kinds normally hated each other.

“Now Benny, get the poor girl something else comfortable to wear.” Ms. Weir ordered her grandson.

And yeah, Courtney didn’t realize just how dirty her clothes were until she was looking in the mirror and down at her arms, apparently her whole body.

“Come with me dear, I will show you where you can get cleaned up.”

“I mean can’t I just lick myself clean?” Yeah, really shows she was raised by a group of dogs.

“Oh no, your majesty, you are going to surely need a shower, I’ll show you.” Rory excitedly volunteered only for Ethan to grab him by the back of his shirt and pull him back to sitting on his butt,

“Stay.” Ethan pointed down at the disappointed and pouting blonde.

***

Ethan, Rory, and Sarah had each gone home now whilst Benny’s grandmother led her to the bathroom and introduced her to the shower and all the hygienic supplies, they had for her to use to get herself cleaned up. Grandma showed Courtney what each item was and how she was to use it. Courtney observed with cautious interest. She demonstrated how to turn on and adjust the shower temperature, allowing Courtney to test the water before she stepped out so that the young girl could get undressed.

She then stepped under the water and almost howled at just how nice it felt on her skin and she watched as the dirt, mud, and what she hoped wasn’t actually blood. It all just fell away in the water to the drain. She let out a growl of uncertainty, but she did have to admit that this was heaven compared to how the pack communally bathed each other. The unfamiliarity still made her feel tense.

She was also definitely still scared and found herself crying when she was left alone, crying over how she didn’t know what she’d done and that was a terrifying thought in itself but just also being so lost and missing her family. But she knew she had to be strong as well in case anything turned negatively in her favor.

She tried and wanted to be appreciative of the hospitality she was being treated with but also, they didn’t know what they’d find when the potion would be used on her. Trying to shake it off she got cleaned up and struggled a little but eventually got the shower off. Stepping out she saw exposed patches of her reflection looking back at her from the wall, Curiosity getting the better and just wanting to see more Courtney starts wiping off the mirror as she found that to be one positivity to all this. Nobody knew what it meant yet and that could be scary but just looks wise she didn’t hate the blue, it just took her off guard at first, but just looking at it wise, it looked good on her and especially with her new purple eyes.

Courtney plotted the water with the towel from off her body, she fisted the material to wrap it snugly around her frame while her other hand played with and inspected her new color. She’d only ever really seen her reflection before in puddles during rainy days or after storms where rainwater would get on the cave floor. And for clothes there were only a few options she’d ever had, scavenged for her by packmates while they got to go out.

Speaking about this is when Benny lightly knocked on the bathroom door. After hearing the small tapping sound Courtney slightly struggled to open the door. Trying her best to keep most of her body hidden from his sight in the case her towel could slip and trying not to really look at his face either after all their interactions so far have not been the most positive. And really, he wasn’t trying to really look at her either, as much of a flirt that Benny could be he didn’t want to see her body without her real consent, so he mostly just kept turning away as he held out his arm with a couple clean clothing items sitting on it for her to take.

So, it was a bit of an awkward but thankfully quick exchange as she opened the door, quickly snatched the items from him, and then closed it back up so that she could drop the towel and get dressed.

There were 3 items that Benny had chosen. Of course, one of his striped polos, really the only type of shirt he ever even seemed to own, and then a pair of baggy boy shorts style underwear that seemed just a little bit concerning to have her share, and then finally a baggy pair of boy’s gym shorts.

Benny stood still on the other side of the door in case she were to possibly need anything else and so he heard a little snort come from the other side.

“Oh yeah, I swear the underwear are new. I didn’t know what else would be any more comfortable.” He couldn’t see but on the other side Courtney took a sigh at this, His reassurance made her snort softly, though her guarded demeanor remained intact. she shrugged knowing there isn’t really anything else for her to possibly lose and with a hesitant chuckle to herself she pulled the polo over her head.

“Are you okay?” He stood and asked not having heard anything else come from her yet.

“Yeah, I’m coming out.” She’d softly replied.

Courtney went to open the door with Benny patiently waiting on the other side. Benny didn’t exactly know what to think of her thus far; on one hand Benny has this big thing for Della, going as far as to bring her dog back from the dead, and yes. he realized he might still have to deal with some consequences there later but ignored that for the moment. Yeah, he still had this thing for Della still and yes, he also kinda did have some questions and concerns with this girl, kind of in the same vein as his friends. But he also had to admit that just like Rory he also found her attractive, but in a different way. For Benny he saw her looks, yes. But also just he felt something with the energy she gave off and how she interacted with his grandma, thought it might be a mistake on his part, but he just couldn’t imagine that she could actually be really dangerous.

At least not intentionally and it almost gave him a pull to want to help her even though the two yet haven’t even really looked each other fully in the eyes yet. Speaking of which..

The door opened slowly as she stumbled a little bit, Courtney first looking down really focusing on the knob. And Benny couldn’t help but gulp at taking in the sight below him and admitting to himself about just how it felt for him seeing a girl in an outfit completely made of his clothes. Benny tried to remind himself to snap out of it and actually say words and not just awkwardly stare at her though he was kinda failing at a loss for something to say. Was he making her uncomfortable?

Stepping out, she found herself in close proximity to Benny, her instincts causing her to slightly bare her teeth in a snarl, a reflexive sign of warning. Benny's gaze and words both showed concern, but her mind was still grappling with the overwhelming changes she was facing.

Pinching himself he stumbled but managed to get the words out. “You look great, do you feel okay?”

But it turns out Courtney was pretty equally at a loss as she didn’t answer right away and just seemed in her own little trance. Though Benny didn’t take it as having anything to do with himself and figuring it was probably her having been so overwhelmed with everything going on.

But on Courtney’s end things were definitely a little bit different than that.

For the entire duration of time that Courtney was even in the bathroom all that plagued her mind was just a feeling of dread for her whole situation. She felt thankful for the people around her being seemingly nice and helpful but that she knows she cannot stay. This is not where she belongs. She is a werewolf and a werewolf belongs with their pack and she’s got a destiny to uphold, it’s something that’s been buried into her mind for her entire life practically. Does she want it, maybe not but that’s not how it works. She has to go back. Besides, even if these people have been nice to her, well so far technically it was really only the grandma so far as the rest of the group seemed to have hated her from the start just because they are a group of Vampires. And to be fair with good reason as she knows she is meant to hate them too. So, all she could think about is how mixed up and complicated her feelings are...she’s out of the cave, that feeling alone is very overwhelming.

But trying to ignore that and take everything one small step at a time, she moves to go to the door slowly and carefully comes to step out and close it behind her slowly and hopefully, quietly. Once she hears it click to signify that it shut successfully, she turns back around slowly to see that she and the grandson of the group, she thinks she’d heard her calling him “Benny”? are pretty close, almost too close, face to face.

First, she’s just feeling the nerves considering he’s a stranger to her, but then she looks up slightly and they are looking face to face for the very first time.

“Do you feel okay?” Benny asked, his cautious approach evident.

Courtney hears it and she’s looking up at him, Benny sees she’s looking him straight in the eyes but it’s almost as if she’s not there. To him she looks kinda stunned and out of it and so he starts to worry a little bit. What does he do? It doesn’t help either of their feelings that the two of them are physically so close to each other without having meant to be, but then before too long she seems to be fine. Courtney shakes her head a little, completely snapping out of whatever held her attention for the moment there and is back to looking and seeing Benny, albeit looking just a little concerned.

“Oh yeah, Yeah, I’m fine.” She holds her hand to her temple and just shakes her head around a little bit. She starts moving to put a little distance between themselves as she goes back to the makeshift bed in the living room area. Sitting down on it and fiddling with the blanket and pillow.

“Are they comfortable enough?” Benny asks although she isn’t really looking at him. Did he do something wrong.

“What?”

“The clothes.” She looks up at him but not in the eyes.

“Oh yeah, yeah they work alright.”

“Okay.”

Benny kind of feels the awkwardness of the air of the situation and turns around to go back to his bedroom for the night and leave her out here. But then he remembers and stops.

“Oh, do you need anything else? Have you eaten in a while?”

“Oh, I don’t really remember that either I guess, uhm… I guess I can get myself some water if I need it later, right?”

“Do you know how?” Benny asks nervous but honestly.

“If it’s like the shower I think I can get it.” She responds.

“Here.” Benny goes over to the sink and grabs a glass from the cabinet above, filling it with some ice water, giving it to her and then without saying anything he seems to remember something that should be in the fridge, he goes to check and sees a piece of steak still remains, he pulls it out. Heats it up after switching the plate and then grabbing some silverware he brings it out and hands the plate to Courtney and extends the fork out with his hand.

Courtney kinda takes him off guard though when she just immediately without even seeming to have thought. She grabs the piece of meat off the dish and just scarfs the food down. Making some pretty gnarly dog type eating sounds. Benny doesn’t know whether to be shocked or completely disgusted when he takes the plate back and throws all the dishware back into the sink.

“Okay, you should be good, you know where the bathroom is so, I guess I’m going to go to bed so goodnight,”

Benny starts to walk away again when he sees the light switch and hits it.

“Wait Benny, can you leave it on?”

To which he keeps the lights off but turns the dial back a little bit so it’s not nearly as dark as it was, compromise.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah, thanks. Goodnight.”

And so Courtney just lay alone in the mostly dark room, under the covers but too uncomfortable to sleep for a while, just staring at the ceiling as her mind went a mile a minute. She’d heard of “Imprinting” before, they all had really but she’d never seen it herself and she didn’t think really anyone else of their group had either with the way they’d talked about it. It was always talked about to be this really rare phenomenon but it happened with Shape-Shifters. Though as rare as it was supposed to be she’d heard it talked about in such detail that she couldn’t think of this possibly being anything else but it. And also, just the fact that Benny was somebody she didn’t even know and somehow had this huge feeling come over her with, the first time that they’d ever truly looked up each other. So, she really couldn’t find any other explanation to the point that it was truly getting under her skin and stopping her as she tried so desperately to fall asleep as comfortable as the bed was.

It got to the point that she just got out of the bed out of frustration, just pacing back and forth, talking to herself trying to stay light in her volume as she tried to think this through and find an answer and also thinking about what exactly had happened and what she’d seen.

OMG! And was Benny a vampire?

No, he didn’t seem to have the teeth for that, or could they hide them?

What had happened she went over again.

Benny and herself looked each other in the eyes for the very first time and a sudden excess feeling of heat entered into her body, all the way from her head to her feeling it all in her fingertips and even to her feet a little bit, and then she kinda just completely zoned out and started seeing nothing but these images of herself and him intertwined…

She tried to remind herself that these images could definitely be fantasy, that definitely has happened. The way the feeling always sounds in the stories is how it’s supposed to be completely one sided.

Imprinting normally is supposed to be this gravitational pull that the imprinter feels for the imprinted. A need to do anything to please and protect a “soulmate.” But it’s always supposed to happen way later than the first transition?...like it could happen now, but it normally doesn’t this early ... Courtney never felt this need for a partner before but now is she being told Benny is meant to be her “Soulmate?” And she knew that Soulmate could mean a lot of things, but it was always introduced to her as how it was supposed to be in a romantic sense…

And then the thought came to her.

“If Benny’s my soulmate, then I can’t go home…”

If she were to leave her soulmate it would cause her to go crazy until she was to mentally off herself...Courtney was going to have to stay in White Chapel…

Courtney couldn’t take this mental battle anymore, the other two had to be fully asleep by now, she couldn’t hear anything coming out of Benny’s bedroom and she needed answers, and there were tons of witchy type sorcery supplies here...there’s got to be a book or something that could help her. She assumed, telling herself that it would be okay and so Courtney went to the little knob on the wall that Benny had used earlier and she’d turned it up, in the same way she’d seen him use it, just a little bit more until she could see much better and then she started looking on the table.

And she didn’t have to look too long, thankfully for her, the book that Grandma Weir was looking at earlier was still out on the counter and pretty much open to a spread of pages about were-creatures, wolves pretty specifically being they are normally the most common type.

On the first page wasn’t the information she’d been looking for, she had to flip through a few pages about their claws, hair, there was some information on her transition that would be much more helpful once she got her memories fully back. Now though she was more scared than ever, what if she did do something truly horrible and these people rejected her and would separate her from her soulmate. That just couldn’t happen.

But finally, after a few flips through she found something that looked like it might be able to help her….

“Find what we’re looking for?”

The voice totally caught her off guard and made her jump pretty high with a snarl as she turned around to see it was only Benny’s grandma. How long had she been awake with this? it only felt like 20 minutes maybe.

“I’m sorry, I know I should be asleep, or should’ve at least asked but...” Courtney didn’t really know how to finish the sentence as she held the book in her arms feeling pretty guilty doing so.

“Nonsense.” Grandma dismissed, waving it off. “You’re curious about your heritage, it's perfectly normal to want to find out more information. Now where are we?”

She grabbed her glasses from the table, putting them on her face, and took the book from the blue haired girl.

“Imprinting, what’s this?”

The earth priestess went ahead and read the little passage of what little the author of the book knew of the rare phenomenon. While Courtney stood off to the side quietly not really knowing what to say.

“Imprinting, now why would you care about this? It says here that it happens so rarely unless…”

Grandma Weir kinda picked up very quickly what was happening here as she peeked up to look at Courtney as they spoke and noticed the way the girl was sat back down and picking at her nails followed by the blush on her cheeks.

“You imprinted on someone?”

Courtney shrugged, not knowing really how else to respond.

Grandma read over the page one more time to make sure the information really sticks and then she closed the book and just rested it on her lap as she sat with the girl and looked over her.

“Well seems between this and your hair you are one special shape-shifter, you’ll have to tell me about him. Unless well, you didn’t imprint on Rory, did you?”

“Rory?” Courtney didn’t yet recognize the name.

“You know the little blonde one, got in your face, tried to kiss you, made you scream. He’s a sweet buy but can really be a lot, and he’s a vampire you know...” Grandma started to ramble, and Courtney had to stop her and shake her head.

“Wow, yeah I'm sure he’s great but no, not him.”

“Oh well that’s too bad, he seemed pretty smitten with you, you’ll have to let him down pretty easily..” Courtney just sat their kind of awkwardly nodding, cringing at the idea of having to tell the kind, older woman that she’d imprinted on her grandson…

“So who is he?” She just looked at her fingers again and did not say anything.

“Or a she? Perhaps?”

Courtney shook her head but still didn’t look up or say anything.

“Well, you’re going to have to tell me about him if you want me to help you.” Courtney just looked up at her awkwardly, dang Grandma was definitely good at this.

And with the look she was receiving, Ms. Weir put two and two together pretty easily.

“Oh, I see, okay well then. Seems, that means you won’t be going anywhere for a while then?”

As much as she’d really wanted to go back for her family and her people, this didn’t really work that way and her plans were now going to have to shift pretty drastically and pretty quickly. She would find them, but she'd have to explain the situation to them and then maybe someone else might have to take her spot as leader, which she was kind of conflicted about currently. Her parents would be so disappointed but also they’d have to understand it’s the way of the imprint!

Courtney nodded in response to Ms. Weir’s question.

“Okay then, I will get you those herbs so we can see what’s happened to you and where you’ve come from, and you will stay here until we find your people?”

“Yes, thank you!”

“Okay, tonight we will make some better sleeping arrangements here.” She started digging into her pocket and pulled out a small wad that she handed to the young girl.

“If you're going to stay here you’re going to need some of your own stuff. While I’m gone I’ll leave a note for Benny to take you to town and you can get some of your own clothes, don’t need you walking around looking like whatever this is.” Grandma said and laughed at how Benny’s clothes looked and fit on her body.

“Thank you so much!”

“And you are welcome, Call me Grandma, I figure someday you will anyways so might as well start now. And then starting tomorrow I will help you figure out how to control your powers. Now I have to get going or I’ll be late, get some sleep deary!”

#my babysitter's a vampire #my babysitters a vampire x reader #mbav fanfic #mbav #mbav stuff #mbav sarah #mbav rory #mbav benny #mbav erica #mbav ethan #werewolf

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ask-artsy-oncie · 2 years

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Some Honesty Regarding Swindle

Hello everyone. As I'm sure the vast majority of you know, I do all the visual work for the DT17 fancomic, Swindle. For a while now, I've been having a lot of thoughts, a decent amount of angst and anxiety included, about the comic and I guess I'd just like to share. I honestly don't know if this is unprofessional, and I don't know if this is stuff that should have just remained private. I'm really not that good at sharing relatively "deep thoughts" privately outside of one-on-one conversations, and in this case it really doesn't feel fair of me to dish so much out on one person. I've done that enough, already, and I always feel guilty afterwards. It feels more right to just throw this stuff into the void.

I do know that all this stuff is personal feelings, though. That's why it's staying here and not being put on the actual Swindle blog. It's not necessary.

For anyone who doesn't want to read, please don't worry, Swindle isn't canceled, it's not delayed, I don't hate or resent it, like. Just don't worry. This is just my rumination, a reflection on a lot of feelings I've had for the past year (and more). It's not some signifier for the End Times, so I'd appreciate it if this didn't lead to some sort of panic.

I'm not entirely sure where to start. I could offer some kind of disclaimer on the kind of person I am and why I feel the way I do, but treating it as a disclaimer feels pretty inappropriate. I think moreso what happened is that my rumination on my feelings just allowed me to put words to the cause of them. The vast majority of the negative feelings just stem from some pretty bad anxiety, exhaustion, and self-loathing.

As the premier of Chapter 4 draws closer, my anxiety continues to climb. There are... a lot of reasons for a lot of things I feel - everything is kinda just swarming chaotically inside me, so forgive me for being so vague - but I think why this chapter in particular is going to be so hard for me is because it marks the beginning of unfamiliar territory and potential changes. Chapter 1 had been written for months before the comic even started, Chapter 2 was a segway into Chapter 3, and Chapter 3 is literally the first concept that brought Ty to life.

Chapter 4 isn't bad. Objectively, it's fantastically written, and Lolly's writing isn't just entertaining to read - it's legitimately well-structured and lends itself to exploring Ty as a character so well. She's fantastically skilled at set-up and pay-off. Even subjectively, the only problem I have with the actual contents of the chapter is the use of DT17-specific terminology for Talespin-specific terms. Otherwise, it's a genuine joy to read. I'm very excited to watch it unfold before you all and even more excited to see people relate this chapter to previous chapters and relate future chapters to this chapter.

And that's the thing - this is definitely a "me" problem, it's anxiety (with a side of self-loathing) rearing its ugly head.

Truthfully, I don't like talking about Lost Cargo!. Similarly to how I didn't actually like talking about Frozen in 2013/2014 or Coco in 2017/2018. I am aware. That I talk about it a lot. I don't like talking about it. The reason I do is because I have all these unsorted and often conflicting feelings and I NEED to sort through them, somehow. I'm an analytical kind of person, one who's still learning about myself, and why a piece of media may make me feel the way it does. I want to properly understand myself, because if one of my biggest longings in life is to find someone who understands me, I have to be able to do so for myself. Shortly after that episode aired, for example, I was able to realize that it's a lot easier for me to relax and enjoy a piece of media or aspects of a piece of media with, like, stability and normal emotions, when I'm not immediately jumped on for expressing criticism towards it.

Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed that leeway when I expressed my thoughts on Lost Cargo!. I was jumped on for either being too negative OR too positive about the episode, and as a result I'm STILL trying to effectively process my feelings about it. Usually I just end up very anxiously and hyperactively jumping between "the episode is visually perfect, I love the designs, I adore the backgrounds, the animation is fucking amazing I love love love love Kit's redesign" and "I fucking hate the writing, fuck this episode, it ruins so much on a fundamental level, I don't fucking like the casting, blargh blargh and all that, I am inclined to leave my room because I can't stand looking at anything Ducktales or Talespin related, hate hate hate hate", but no matter how I'm feeling it's always wrong, wrong, wrong. I know a lot of people are sick of hearing it. I'm sick of hearing it. I, like, actively don't respect myself for how stuck on this episode I've been. I'm frustrated with myself and it makes me think less of myself.

This has relevancy to Swindle, I swear. I'm not out her to dish out the contents of an episode you all already know my opinion on, that part isn't actually what matters to this post, to these ruminations.

What matters here is the internal struggle caused by the desire to keep everything as canon-compliant as possible VS the pretenses I was under when I offered to make Swindle into a comic. Ducktales 2017 essentially had my 100% stamp of approval - as in, even if there were aspects of the show I was willing to criticize, it was all comprised of something I'd be willing to work with and remain canon-compliant to. I wasn't about to just change or not acknowledge Goldie's incarnation in '17 just because I liked her '87 incarnation better, yknow? I'm not out here demanding we ignore or go back on Webby's biological relation to Scrooge just because it's not what I would have done - in fact, I'm making the best of it. This show has my heart, I was out here defending it regardless of how hard the fandom would rail against certain episodes, characters, or arcs.

So, with that thought in mind, I assumed that keeping canon compliancy was never going to be an issue for me, which works well, because Lolly and I are both the kinds of fan artists who like to keep things very close to canon compliancy. It's how we operate. I assumed that even if the Talespin episode was underwhelming, as long as it didn't disprove Ty's existence, we'd be good to go, right? Because we spent pretty much the entirety of 2020 not only developing Ty, but developing how these characters from Talespin would exist and work within the DT17 universe. Even if the episode was underwhelming, it would be okay, because we had a metric fuckton of supplementary thoughts and developments that would make up for that, and for characters that did have an underwhelming presence (or no presence) like Molly and pretty much every Talespin character they didn't (or legally couldn't) use, that remains mostly true. What I didn't expect was an episode so actively disappointing that so many of the things that had been thought up couldn't fit into it. It wasn't just that it had become a character assassination of a character that meant (and still does mean) a lot (SO much) to me, it was that it actively fought against the idea of H4H as a family that it left things a little difficult to pick up the pieces.

And not impossible. Like I said, so many characters didn't appear that utilizing them as tools to help mend or explain away aspects of the episode isn't terribly hard (I did only say it was a little difficult), but it conflicted enough with what was already written that things were going to have to change - a good, decent amount - from what was already written.

And this is where things circle back to being a "me" problem. Those older ideas we had before the episode aired? I liked them better. Even if they were rough drafts or otherwise not as refined, they had the building blocks of something I still just. Enjoy more than many of the changes that were made, simple as that. There's nothing objectively wrong with these changes, and the majority of you will never notice them because they're well written and were never that impactful to the story of Swindle to begin with. I think, ultimately, what my problem is is just that I happened to fall in love with ideas that weren't mine, ideas that were shared privately, and ideas that the original creator of has since abandoned. I can't talk about them because they aren't my ideas to share, meaning making and sharing art related to them is an absolute no-go (it's why I felt so much guilt about posting the "homoerotic standoff" piece until I had Lolly's express permission, and I still sometimes have a hard time looking at a piece I'm so fucking proud of because of the larger scope of what it represents) and I'll eventually have to let go of them, entirely. I'm already past the point where I should have let go. And again I find myself frustrated with myself for struggling so much to.

Like, yeah. Kit is not going to be the character I want him to be. And that sucks for me, personally. And ugly, petty thoughts rear their ugly, petty heads where I'm compelled to be spiteful and say shit like "he's not even going to be a pilot, huh?" even though that has absolutely no bearing on the actual story of Swindle, or even change terms in the dialogue back to their Talespin-specific counterparts. But being compelled to do something doesn't mean I actually want to do it. As in, I know that's wrong and I'd immediately feel guilty for putting Lolly through anything shitty for something that I care about for some reason but ultimately doesn't matter and therefore achieves nothing (nothing good, that is). Besides that, being a brat and saying "I don't like this, do that instead" is something I cannot condone at all, because it leads to bad final products. It breeds resentment, it revokes a creator of their vision, and it makes a creator work with something they aren't passionate about (or it would have been a part of the original vision). I wouldn't be happy even if I did "get my way" or whatever my petty, internal idea of "getting my way" is, because not only would I be deeply ashamed of myself, but the final product wouldn't be enjoyable to read.

I don't like myself. I already don't like myself. So I try my best to avoid being the kind of person I'd like even less. A while back, Lolly told me that there wouldn't be anything in the comic that would make me too mad (something along those lines). She trusted me to both be normal about inconsequential shit and to trust her. And regardless of whatever anxiety I'm feeling about literally meaningless aspects of a comic I have so much more to love about, I'm steeling myself to at least tolerate whatever might happen that I'll have weird feelings about. Because she trusted me and I made a promise to her and I've resolved to do my best to stop complaining and just listen. And accept. Even on an internal level. Because I love her work and I love her and I want to do her justice by following through with what I promised I would do, and by doing it well.

Unfortunately... this ends up leading into another problem. The willingness to play into canon compliancy has lead to a certain level of... expectations. If not from other people, at least something I've imposed upon myself. I think this is where "exhaustion" starts to come into play.

People do so much to compliment my work on Swindle, constant reminders of how well I'm able to capture the spirit of the show on a visual level. I cannot say that I don't appreciate these comments from the bottom of my heart, let me just say. It's just that, like everything in life, there are some pros to receiving messages like this, and some cons. One of these cons is that I simply have a hard time seeing what people are saying. Every page is riddled with errors and there are times when the art is bad on an objective level. At the very least, rushed. I swear, every time I upload a page I can see a new thread on the Bad Webcomics forum bashing and berating and picking everything I drew apart (in my head. As far as I know there is no Bad Webcomics thread about us and I'd prefer to keep it that way, or at least stay ignorant to it.) But it is rushed. Because, as I've said so many times, I cannot afford to spend so much time on a full-color comic I do for free (...mostly. I am technically making $15 a month thanks to it, but I shouldn't have to explain how far below minimum wage that is to justify calling this "free labor", right?) so they genuinely can't be that much better.

Another con is a very unfortunate, however unintentional, side affect - there is an expectation to look like the show. To make the comic as visually convincing as possible. And I've already explained why that's such a struggle to do. I've pulled so many all-nighters or close to all-nighters despite people telling me not to. I exhaust myself on Monday to make sure everything's ready on Tuesday and Thursday but usually end up fixing and cleaning things up (if not finishing the page set to upload that day in the event where it isn't actually finished) on Tuesday and Thrusday and now suddenly I'm dedicating 3 out of 7 days of the week to Swindle and spending a lot of time just being exhausted, otherwise.

We, a two-person team making a fan comic for free, have unexpectedly inherited the expectations of keeping aflame the spirit of an animated television show with a massive cast who were compensated for their work before episodes even aired. No matter how many people try to assure me to take things easy, this is the inescapable reality of it all. Regardless of what I may have promised Lolly, she isn't the only one I'm making a promise to anymore, she isn't the only thing I'm expected to (by my own standards, mind you) please anymore. We have a massive audience, a follower count that surpasses my social media presence everywhere else. We inherited a fanbase of people looking to us after Ducktales ended. This isn't to sound pompous - as much as I am proud, I'm scared. I'm used to being a small creator, I'm used to getting not much attention. Hell, I'm used to being frustrated with how little attention I get. The fact that you'll be hard-pressed to find an illustration of mine on the Swindle blog that doesn't surpass 100 notes is unreal to me.

It's terrifying to have that level of expectation to fill a void when you're not fully sure if you're capable of filling it.

I do not dislike or resent Swindle in any way. There is a part of me, though, that worries about how my insistence to make this a comic has impacted both myself and Lolly. If Swindle had remained a fic, then Lolly could have eventually walked away if she really wanted or needed to. She would have been in a sea among many who are also making Ducktales 2017 fics after the series had ended. Not to say her work wouldn't have been special, but I don't think there would have been as much of a pressure to get everything out both quickly and consistently. Every time I finish I page, there's a timer ticking for her to get the next chapter's script done. Every time I miss an upload date, we get endless messages asking why we didn't upload or when we are going to upload. I understand that entitlement is everywhere, fic writers deal with it all the time, and it isn't something one should bend to, but it's so exhausting to have neglected your health for something you don't get compensation for only to be told, when you've reached a breaking point and you need to rest, that you should be doing more. I'd love to be pumping out five pages a week. I'd love to have been animating this story. But I can't. I simply can't do more than I already do, and sometimes I can't even do what I already do. I wish I could, and I'm sorry.

It's hard. It's hard for me to accept praise for the work I do on Swindle. Not just because of self-loathing, but because I really just do not want to overshadow the work Lolly has done. This is her baby. She's the one spearheading it, and the reason it exists. At the same time, I once again find myself increasingly frustrated with myself for literally compromising my health and pouring so much into this comic only to downplay what I do. I'm still trying to find balance, in that regard, still trying to figure out a healthier and, honestly, better way to relate to feedback about the comic. Let me just say that I probably wouldn't have a social media presence if I was an actual showrunner who didn't rely on fans for my income - Frank has my eternal respect for how long he lasted as a showrunner who so frequently interacted with fans. I get overwhelmed very easily and I don't have a lot of patience, by default. And that's on top of having a hard time telling if something is "rude" by allistic standards (which is more of something I deal with IRL but have had issues with online). I didn't even know if running the Swindle Server was something I'd be able to handle because I have a history of panicking and leaving large group chats due to being overwhelmed, though thankfully the server is at least quiet enough that I can avoid feeling that way.

So, yeah, Chapter 4 is coming up, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Feelings that have caused a lot of mental health issues when I try to bottle them up. Already, in writing as much as I have, so far, I'm starting to feel better. Like I'm processing everything in an understandable way and finally organizing these jumbled, swarming feelings rather than holding back for the sake of being polite or spilling them out during a breakdown. Like not everything in my room is clean but I've at least cleared my sofa and coffee table and that area of the room is functional again, yknow?

And that isn't to say all my feelings about Swindle or even Chapter 4 are negative. I've already said how excited I am for the role this chapter plays (though I am still very anxious about being judged for how I interpret and devlop it, visually) and think you all would enjoy it, too. I'm still sappy as all hell for this bear and bird, Ty and Louie are still characters I love to the ends of the earth. Lolly and her work, I will also always (mostly) adore and admire deeply. Fuck, there's a reason why I make so many comics based on her writing, it moves me. She moves me. She's brilliant and a fucking amazing friend, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Last night, amidst all the frustration about how tumblr's app does not fucking work and I hate it, I was somehow reminded about how I finished the first three pages of Swindle (the cover, Chapter 1's cover, and the first page of Chapter 1) only hours before I was to go to San Francisco to get top surgery. How two things that would impact my life so much both intersected within a handful of hours. Even though I wasn't able to gain momentum for the comic for a while, so many of you hopped into the server while I was healing and started conversing and sharing your love for Ty and this comic when only a page of story had been released so far. October 2020 hit in such a way that I'll probably treasure and remember for the rest of my life. I love this. Despite everything, I love this. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't.

That's all I have for now. I'm gonna be honest, I'll probably block anyone who decides to bitch at me over this because it just. Took a lot to be this level of vulnerable. And I think I respect myself just enough to not put myself through bullshit again. At least not right now.

I'm gonna post this and probably not be on social media for the rest of the day. Maybe in DMs, who knows. But for now, it's time for me to take a break. Play a video game, watch a movie, or possibly maybe even go outside and get a breath of fresh air (I can't be "pale little frijol" forever).

If you're reading this, thank you so much for your time, support, and understanding. I hope the rest of the day treats you well.

#Swindle comic #Vent

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