#i got told when i was in fourth grade i have the laugh of a witch
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like who is that mysterious girl????
okay goodnight i have an exam tomorrow that i did not study for (but what’s new)
#cj complaining chronicles#goodnight my loves#i am mysterious someone say it with me#i got told when i was in fourth grade i have the laugh of a witch#LIKE BITCH??
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Sister's Best Friend -P.G
I have been dreaming a lot of doing Latina!Reader, I am a bit afraid tho, because I don't know if you guys will like this. I made this with a Venezuelan!Reader in mind, since there aren't a lot of fics of venezuelans!reader, I always see mexican, argentinian, colombian, brazilian (american and european as well) and I wanted to give this a try.
It isn't too much tho, I just put reader a nationality and played with her accent, maybe in the future go in deeper with Gavi's reaction of having a Latina girlfriend. Hope you guys like it! I would appreciate if you leave some feedback!
This is a bit shitty
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Summary: You're Aurora's best friend and Gavi is crazy for you
It all had started when Aurora invited you over at her house for a college project. It wasn't the first time Aurora invited you over. But it was the first time Gavi was around.
Gavi was crazy to meet you mostly because nine out of ten times, his sister and parents were talking about you and stories the fourth of you had shared. Gavi's not gonna lie, he felt desplazed for a bit.
You having inside jokes with his family, made him want to get to know you and see what's the fuss about. He was confused, he knew and get along with all of his sister's friends. You must have been someone knew.
And you were.
Aurora confirmed his suspicion when he suddenly asked who you were.
"She's the new girl on college I talked about" She replied "Se nota que me escuchas cuando hablo" (It shows you do listen to me when I speak) Aurora complained
"Ajá... ¿Y?" Gavi rolled his eyes a bit ignoring his sister statement "¿Qué más?"
"She's new here, in general. She comes from Venezuela, moved in ten months ago, she has been my friend ever since I met her, she's so cool, Pablito. You'll like her"
"Yeah? Sure" Gavi raised his eyebrows and walked away
And that's how we came into the meeting day. You were laughing with Belén, Aurora's mother about a funny anecdote it happened to you while younger back home.
"Y naguará, no" You covered your face with your hands while Aurora and her mom laughed "I can't..." You were blushing of embarassement a bit when you heard footsteps
"Mamá, que-" Gavi had came in, just in a Barcelona shorts and a white shirt, his phone in his hand as he stared at you with wide eyes
You shut your mouth, looking at the boy as well with a light smile on, meanwhile his face was covered with a frown
"Hi" You had said shyly waving and Gavi swore he had never heard something more angelic than your voice
"Pablito!" Aurora exclaimed coming over to you and hug you "She's Y/N Y/L/N. My new best friend!" She squeezed you making you smile and hug her back "Y/N/N, this is my lil bro, Pablo"
"Un placer" You said extending your hand to him
He quickly got a hold of himself, grabbing your hand and stepping forward to give you two kisses on each cheek, his other hand rested lightly on your waist
"Igualmente" (Likewise) He had said with a smirk "Aurora doesn't stop talking about you, I'm happy I finally got to met the amazing Y/N" You blushed
"Thank you. I can say the same thing, you know... I think I already knew you before meeting you" He laughed
"Sólo le dije como te orinaste los pantalones en tercer grado" (I just told her how you peed your pants in third grade)
"Sabemos que jamás hice tal cosa... No en tercer grado por lo menos" (We know I never did such a thing... Not in third grade at least) He said making the three of you laugh
"In second grade too, right?"
"Oh c'mon, girl. Leave your brother alone and let's go do the project. I feel like it's going to be demasiado largo para nuestro gusto, so ¡vamonos!" You grabbed her shoulders and pushed her into her room
"¡Y/N!" Pablo called you before you could dissapear from the room
"What?" You turned around
"You like Doritos?" You nod several times "I'll take you some in a few" He smiled and you smiled back at him
"Gracias" You said softly
"There are no Doritos for me?" Aurora asked in disbelief
"There are" He said "But you have to look them for yourself, I won't bring you anything" Pablo replied as if it was the most obvious thing ever causing you to laugh
"Why?!" She asked as you pushed her onto her room
"Because she's pretty!" He said from downstairs as you stood there impressed and Aurora laughed at your shocked expression
And that was the beggining of you and Gavi.
You couldn't lie, el chamo was truly beautiful, he always took up on making you laugh and chatting with you about anything. Mostly of your life, he wanted to get to know you and everytime you tried to bring the convo onto him, he'd answer your questions but eventually turn it around to you, ending into telling him stories from your time in Venezuela, what you did as little and going as far to ask for your Uni stuffs even if he doesn't understand anything about Statistics
"La malta con una empanada de carne mechada y con salsa de ajo es lo mejor de la vida... Y ni hablemos de la arepa con suero" (Malta with a shredded meat empanada and garlic sauce is the best thing in life... And let's not talk about the arepa with whey) You always tell him making a smile appear on his face
He has been spending every time possible off with you, he even stole your phone number from Aurora's phone, winning a smack from his sister and watching you give a little pinch on Aurora's arm
"¡Ow, bruja!"
"Let him" You had said smiling
Because yes, you were also gone for your best's friend's brother, but you couldn't help it. It has been four months since you've met Pablo and they were the best four months ever.
Aurora often liked to make fun of the two of you, obviously into each other but not making any move. Instead of being mad, she definitely liked the idea of you dating her little brother.
You ignore her comments, even tho he gave you the impression, you didn't know if he liked you back. And you weren't going to make things awkward in between the two and currently three of you because of that.
You were chatting with Aurora and some of Pablo friends like Pedri, Ansu, they have came from training and all decided to spend a nice evening and also two of Pablo's childhood friends, meanwhile you were studying and chatting around with Aurora.
You laughed at something Ansu had said
"¿Qué? Mano, ¿Que webona' es esa, ah? La coña 'ta burda e' loca, 'sie carajo" (What? Bro, what the hell is that, eh? The girl is out of this world, fucking hell) You reply shaking your head
"For real, Y/N!"
"Pero explica bien la vaina, que fue lo que pasó. Pasito a pasito" (But you've got to explain yourself properly, everything that happened. Step by step)
"¿Suave, suavecito?" One of Pablo's friends, Diego, chimmed getting a smile out of you
"Well, I didn't say it with that purpose but it does go well" The guys laughed.
As Ansu started telling once more from the beggining his story with this girl, you felt an arm wrap around you waist and the other under your knees.
You turned your head to the side and looked to find Pablo, lifting you from your spot that was next to his, to pull you right next to him, without any kind of space. He also grabbed the chair and pulled it closer to him.
"Why?" That's all you asked softly
"You were too far away" Pablo replied audible enough for the two of you, you blushed and leaned a bit into him.
You kept on listening Ansu, the guys sharing your statement and telling him it was the best if he left her.
"Y/N/N" Aurora called for you "Go and bring us some snacks?"
"This isn't my house" You replied.
"Of course it is! Just go inside and grab some snacks for us to eat"
"Why don't you just go?" You ask "I'm way too comfortable here"
"You're younger!" She exclaims as you roll your eyes, standing up
"I'll come with you" Pablo said "I can help you with the drinks"
Both of you entered the house, you went to grab the snacks as Pablo grabbed a Coca-Cola and a few vases, when his phone dinged.
"Aurora asks if you can do the bread and Nutella thing" He asks as you sigh
"Tú hermana jode mucho a veces" (Your sister is annoying sometimes) You said making Gavi laugh.
You went to look for the bread and the Nutella, cutting them and filling them up with the cacao. You were done with your job but you filled a spoon full of Nutella
"¿Quieres?" (Want some?) You offered him a light smile as he shook his head
"Cómelo tú" He smiled putting the Nutella away and helping you clean the little utensils you used.
Once you were done, you washed the spoon and faced Gavi only for him to laugh a little
"Please don't tell me I have chocolate all over my face" You begged covering your mouth with your hand
"Only here" He pointed at his lips the place
"Here?" He shook his head "Here?" He shook his head once more "Here?" He shook his head "Ajá, ¿Y en dónde es la vaina pues?" (And where's the thing then?) You ask making him laugh
"Can I?" You nod watching him step closer to you, he lifted one of his hand in your cheek lightly, caressing it with his thumb, your eyes locked with his.
His other hand came up to your face as well with this one, he swept his thumb over your bottom lip "Done" He whispered licking his thumb quickly.
But none of you bothered to move away from the other, instead you keep leaning in "Can I?" Pablo asked once more this time with different meaning.
You smiled and nodding soon you feel his lips locking yours in a kiss.
"You taste like cacao" He whispered above your lips and pecking them several times, you laughed looking down at the floor but felt how Gavi's hands lifted your head making you look at him once more "I loved that"
You smiled, this time leaning up to kiss him wrapping your arms around his torso
"You don't know how much I wanted to do this ever since I met you" He whispered once more in between kisses
"Glad to know feeling was mutual" You giggled
"Go out on a date with me?" Kiss "Please"
"Joder, claro que sí" You kissed him once more
"¡Ay, Ave María purísima!" You heard someone say instantly separating from each other. Aurora was standing there with a big smile on "First kissing picture, I love it!" She said excited "Took you long guys!" She said coming over and grabbing the Coca-Cola, the bread and the snacks. "Leave you guys alone to keep doing your thing" she winked
"That was awkward" You murmur feeling Pablo smile and nod
"So.... When are you free?"
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@gaviypedrisbride
#pablo gavi x reader#pablo gavi#M. is writing#writing#gavi#pedri gonzalez#fc barcelona#pablo gavi icons#gavi icons#pablo gavi x you#pablo gavi x y/n#gavi x you#gavi x reader#gavi x yn#gavi one shot#pablo gavi one shot#pablo gavi fluff#pablo gavi fanfic#pablo gavi is so beautiful#gavi fluff#gavi imagine#gavi fanfic#pablo gavi imagine#football players#football fluff#football imagines#football#football blurbs
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No One Wants To Die In The End.
Harry Styles x fem!reader
Summery: United through grief, Harry and Y/n have to navigate the same fates they witnessed as young children as understanding adults. After all, no one wants to die in the end, we can only hope death comes easy for us.
“Has anyone ever survived beyond the death rattle breathing?”
I hear my mother ask in a hushed tone, the nurse who came to send my grandma away giving her a tight lipped smile.
I sit on the bed pretending not to be able to hear them, pretending the sound of my grandma choking on her own saliva is normal and the staggering of her breathing between heavy wheezes isn’t concerning while I tell her all about what I learned in fourth grade.
She doesn’t remember me, not much anyway. Ever since the illness started taking pieces of her brain, I’ve been stuck in time. She only knows my name now, and my mom warned me on the way here today not to cry if she couldn’t even remember that. It was her illness forgetting, not my beloved grandma.
Mom says she loved me with all my heart, and that once the illness passes through her, she’ll remember me again fondly. I’ll get to tell her all about my life and growing up and she’ll understand what I’m talking about. She won’t give me the blank stare she does now while I hold her hand, and her skin won’t be so frail.
“We usually recommend getting everything in place by the end of the day. Gather her papers and say your goodbyes. We can’t guarantee anything with how much longer she’ll hold out for.” The nurse says, and though my mom doesn’t cry, I can see her skin hugging her throat constricting it and the soft fluttering of her wet eyelashes.
My mom pulled me away soon after, telling me to say goodbye. This time felt different though, even at age nine I knew that. So I told my grandma I’d be back, even if I wasn’t sure just because it always made her smile, and I promised to keep dancing around in my pajamas before breakfast like she loved.
That day at school, the one after I left my grandma with hundreds of promises to live freely and trust with my heart, I found my mother sat out on the front steps by our old white porch with her head in my hands.
“Hi mama. Can I go to Megans?” I had asked her cheerfully, excited about seeing my best friend, my neighbor and my sister.
Mom had this sad look in her eyes, one that told me to come close without her having to say it. And as I stood between her bent knees and felt her hands on my hips, I saw her shake her head.
“Y/n/n, grandma didn’t make it, baby.” She declared softly, and at the time I didn’t know how to process it, the idea of someone being gone forever. As mom told me how she had only left for a minute to go home and shower and came back to my grandma unresponsive in her sleep, I didn’t think about the fact that my grandma’s laugh would fade with the years, but rather how sad it was that she had to go alone. I prayed selfishly under my breath that I would have someone’s hand to hold when I went, that my rotting body would mean more than any shower ever could.
I didn’t tell mom this, my feelings on the death of grandma, the death of her mom, so I did what I knew how to do best, and I ran, begging softer this time to be able to go across the street just until dinner.
When I got there, I was greeted by Megan, and she looked sad. That’s how most people in my life seemed to look these past few hours, ever since the way my grandma breathed changed.
She pulled me into a hug and cried on my shoulder, promising to be there for me always, that it would get better. At the time I didn’t get it, why my best friend as a child would feel so much grief for a woman she barely knew, how she could feel so much more than I did, but grief hits differently in every person, I wished that someday I’d be able to process it openly instead of suppressing it somewhere I’d never find it. I wished that someday I’d learn how to cry.
Grandma didn’t get a funeral, they stuffed her ashes into a pretty vase with golden birds and her favorite flowers and held the wake early in the morning. Most of her friends I’d never met. It was a small service, a slow one. I spent most of my time playing hide and seek with my cousins and stealing the mints the funeral home left out for guests while my mother cried shaking each guests hand.
“How should we send out the letters?” My mom whispered to my father quietly, like it was something she didn’t want her children to know about.
“What’s the difference? Word spreads fast about people like him.”
People like him, that’s how my dad worded it. People like him, veterans who fought in a war they couldn’t even remember by the end of their lives and refused to replace the old wood paneling on their living room walls from the eighties.
My grandpa was the definition of people like him, he had lived enough lives to grow in white hairs by fourteen years old. Fighting alongside Elvis in the war and dancing with his dying wife in the afternoon.
I never met grandma, my dad said cancer took her before I was born, he says that’s why my name is the way it is, she picked it. But, I did meet grandpa.
He had white hair and a soft stomach from all the Swedish meatballs he made in his spare time. War does funny things like that to a man, make someone so against cooking love the simplicity of it, the safety of food consuming him.
I never really liked his Swedish meatballs, I didn’t like how he made them without sauce, when I was ten my world revolved around marinara sauce.
When I was twelve years old, I remember missing the softness of my grandpas stomach when he hugged me and the lingering smell of Swedish meatballs in his kitchen at dinner time. Which was weird because I never liked it before, but maybe my nose had changed while grandpa was changing in his own ways.
Cancer seemed to run in the family, something that was so small nobody ever suspected it was invading their bodies until the doctors became frantic to get it out.
My grandpa has bright white hair before his treatment, and small silver glasses perches on his swollen nose while he sat in his old brown chair and watched his grandkids school plays through the CD’s my parents would send him.
What a lonely life to live as he got older. The death of his wife and the absence of his grandchildren as they became less and less interested in family time and more focused on running outside freely with their friends.
I was so sidetracked I didn’t even know when grandpa died right away. Not until my father sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch where I laid with my mother rubbing his back slowly, a heavy look on his wrinkled face.
“Grandpa passed last night, Harry. He loved you very much.”
I didn’t cry as my father spoke, simply nodding before walking to my room to toy with my baseball cards and gameboy. I didn’t cry thinking about his passing, which confused me because I was twelve. I understood what death meant and how there was no one who had the power to reverse it, but I felt incapable of crying.
I went to school the next morning like my parents hadn’t told me the news, and my history teacher pulled me out into the hall during second period. He looked sad for me, his hands on my shoulders as he told me he would give me all the time I needed, not to try snd jump back into normalcy during such a tough time.
It made me feel embarrassed, which felt weird considering the context. I felt fine, completely indifferent to something I should have been breaking down over. But I guess grief is weird like that, and I wish I had the strength to be weak.
Grandpa had a big funeral, open casket with formal attire. He didn’t look like grandpa with all that makeup on him. I wanted to open his eyelids to see the colors in his eyes one last time. But that’s unacceptable to do, so I simply kneeled by the casket and prayed for him.
A big black limo took us from the boiling hot church to the graveyard where uniformed men loaded their guns and fired at the sky in honor of my grandpa. The smoke smelled like the low tide at the beach, and some people I’d never seen before sobbed a few rows behind me.
A lot of people showed up for grandpa, veterans from around the country and school friends from when he still had all his youth. Looking around at the crowd, I hoped I too would be able to make such a big impact on so many people. I selfishly prayed under my breath that one day I’d too have a large funeral. That people would care enough to come and cry for me because I would matter that much.
“When did you find out?” Harry asked softly, his large hand capturing mine in a paw-like grip over my knuckles.
I swallowed, wondering when I suspected it in comparison to when I finally got the guts to ask someone for help.
“I’ve known for a while, probably since I was nine. It runs in the family, you know? All these health issues that eat away at our brains?” I laughed, but neither of us found it funny, not when I ran my fingers through my hair to calm down and chunks cane out between my knuckles.
“I just thought I’d be gifted more time, thought biology would be kinder to my bones.”
Harry looks at me with a broken stare, one that hits me in the heart. We both tear up, but neither of us cry. We are our parents, we are the spitting image of them sitting us down to break the news. But at least they went peacefully, right? I know no peace, but still I don’t cry for myself, I feel too pathetic to even try.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask, looking bitterly at the youthful green eyes in front of me, how his curly hair seems even more vibrant than nearly a decade ago. He ages backwards and I am already one foot out of the door.
Harry shakes his head.
“You did everything right.” He tells me, fingers pulling the hair from my hands to hide it behind his back.
“Then why do I feel like I have?”
“Nobody wants to die in the end, Y/n/n. It’s a game of chance, each day we live we gamble on how long we have left. Some people search for that end and others stumble on it accidentally, it’s just the chances.”
When he puts it like that, it makes me feel even worse, knowing how quickly I’ll be gone. How I’ve failed my future children I’ll never get to have, my husband who would have loved me I’m sure, and my poor old dog who waits by the food bowl only to find it empty each day I’m gone.
“I don’t like these chances.” I laugh with tears in my eyes, hands holding onto his as our forehead touch, my best friend holding me like no one ever has, not even Megan, who had long grownup into a woman I barely knew, a friend who drifted from me when we were thirteen and cried to her mother about how she missed me when she was sixteen.
Megan held me when my grandma died that day when I was nine, and I was confused as to why she was so sad, but with Harry holding me now, I understand it all better.
“I’m only twenty nine, Harry. At least my grandmothers dementia took away the intense pain of remembering what she was leaving behind.”
“And she lived not knowing who her daughter was for the rest of her life. She must have been so alone.”
I look down at my lap, my palms still pressed against his.
“I’d never forget you, even if my memory starts to go. I’ll never forget you because you’re too important to forget.” Harry smiles when I say that, pulling his hands away from mine to tap his chest quietly.
“And I’d never forget you, even when I’m old and crazy. I’ll keep photos of us on my walls and talk to them when I get bored.” He promised me, the dull light from the sun making the once lavish room feel less like a clean living room and more like a cold hospital.
As the months pass, my hair has been traded for one of Harry’s favorite hats. My shirts switched out for backless gowns with blue dots on the paper like material. My arms are not decorated with the same ink as Harry, but wires and tubes that come from the table beside my hospital bed.
I am twenty nine, but I must look about sixty now with how tired I am from simply trying to steal back the life that was ripped from me unfairly.
And as I fight to keep up with the beeping of the monitors hooked up beside me, I feel my throat rejecting my saliva and my sick coughs stuck behind my teeth.
I heat the same cracking sounds that my grandmother made when I was nine, and I feel relaxed knowing now that it doesn’t hurt to breathe this way, not right now anyway.
And in the silence I can hear an echo of my mother’s words from outside my door, her feminine voice exchanged for the deep one I’d grown rather fond of.
“Has anyone ever survived beyond the death rattle breathing?”
Harry asks in a hushed tone, the nurse different but her answer just the same.
“We usually recommend getting everything in place by the end of the day. Gather her papers and say your goodbyes. We can’t guarantee anything with how much longer she’ll hold out for.”
It’s happening again, the spirit leaving my bones to join everyone I’ve ever loved before, my father and my grandma. My mother and my old cousins. I only wished I didn’t have to leave Harry behind, I wished I could dance with him in our college dorms just one more time like we used to, and set fire to the box mac and cheese just one last time.
I remember everything about Harry, the nurse warning that my image of him might waver as my blood begins to slow under the skin. She tells him not to worry when my skin gets cold, it’s natural for people to cool down as their heart gives out.
Harry comes in and holds my hand, pretending the sound of my breathing doesn’t bother him and the sound of me choking on my own saliva is normal and the staggering of my breathing between heavy wheezes isn’t concerning while he swears to every single higher power he can think of that I’ll be okay.
And I believe him.
Because while he holds my hand in death, he’s fulfilled the one wish I prayed so hard for a a kid. The one selfish wish I made for myself in a time of need.
When I was nine, standing between my mothers legs with my nails between my teeth I prayed selfishly under my breath that I would have someone’s hand to hold when I went, that my rotting body would mean more than any shower ever could.
And here Harry was nearly two decades later, holding my hand and promising serenity in the afterlife.
What he doesn’t know is that I am one of the lucky ones. Even after my heart has stopped, I am given one last gift as an apology for such a short life. I am given an extra second of my brain living on, the soft cries of “I love you’s” from Harry the last thing I hear as my dying gasp is cut short from my death rattle breathing.
I have a small service, Harry and some college friends standing in line shaking the hands of the few guests who walk by to look at my body. My nephews and nieces place hide and seek with each other until the ceremony was over, mints stuffed deep in their pockets as they filed out of the funeral home like nothing had happened.
Being famous is weird, especially after a loved one has passed.
We send out prayers to the families of those affected, the media says, but how has the death of this person affected Harry? How has Y/n’s slipping away crushed him beyond belief? Will he dedicate his next album to her?
They don’t care about Y/n, they only care about how she makes a good headline for their companies, and it makes me sick to think about. How they profit off of my grief while I try to stop memorizing the sound of her broken sigh as she went.
I wonder if I was enough for her during her final days. If my touch was enough to cure her for just a brief second.
It’s no wonder I turned to move-on pills. Ones that lift me up and break me down further until I am face up on the bathroom floor we once shared, my eyes wide as I choke on my breathing and count how many times the lights multiply as I look up to the sky.
It’s not a shock that the headlines are out by the end of the day, the sirens enough to alert all of Hollywood of my dying dreams and my perfect execution.
My family stands in a line while they put my casket into the hearse, makeup on my face like they put on my grandpa, I dan barely recognize myself as I watch the funeral service from another space.
And as they bury me under the ground, the media announces their grief and well wishes to all that attended and the millions watching from their televisions.
As a kid, I hoped I too would be able to make such a big impact on so many people. I selfishly prayed under my breath that one day I’d too have a large funeral. That people would care enough to come and cry for me because I would matter that much.
But now that it’s happening, I only care for one thing, I only asked for one thing in the letter I left behind. Lay me beside my best friend, so I can keep holding her hand through death, and we can laugh in the afterlife like we did when we were healthy, happy, and together.
#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x you#harry styles imagine#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#yn x harry#harry x reader#harrystyles#harry styles#hslot harry#yn x harrystyles
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one conversation in particular that annoys me is when black women try to have an honest discussion about how they felt undesired, unprotected, and mistreated by the men of our own race and it’s followed by: “y’all need to just go outside. Black men like black women still.” which is funny because I can promise you my (and every other black girl’s) very first experience with colorism and self hating men was not with some random nigga on Twitter or a boy on TikTok bashing us for views.
it was in my fourth grade class when my only other black classmate was mixed and his white mom told him girls like me weren’t cute. That I was too ‘black’ and ‘nappy headed’ despite her husband being my same shade.
it was in my middle school years when the same three boys tormented me constantly, from making fun of the skin tags on my face to my skin tone (even though one was darker than me) even sitting behind me and calling me ugly every chance they got while uplifting lighter skin and non-blk girls. Running to tap on my shoulder to yell ‘he likes you’ only to run away laughing as some sort of insult.
it was in my sophomore year and I moved to a predominantly yt high school, where the handful of blk boys didn’t even look in my direction and when they did, it was only to help get the attention of my nb friends. Or when a guy tried to attack me and my whole group of friends one more and I was the only one not protected because I was ‘strong enough to fight for myself.’ While they jumped to the aid of the white girls. and when the non-blk boys paid me attention, it was only to fetishize or tell me how I was ‘pretty for a black girl’ and that they’d ‘date me if their parents would approve but knew they wouldn’t.’
it was even older men would hit on me and when I’d turn them down, I’d be told I should be ‘lucky somebody likes my black ass.’
I had to learn from a very young age that this world does not view nor respect us and I didn’t do so from behind a screen. We’re just in an age where we have a platform to collectively voice our opinions and share our experiences in hopes to not only help others but heal and speak about it. So rather than gaslighting and trying to quiet us under the premise that we’re ‘too sensitive’ or ‘chronically online’ try this nice little thing call shutting the fuck up and listening to us. It’s a lot of guys I went to school with who are or have already become fathers and they’re gonna have black children (mixed race or not). Raising sons to think that type of treatment of girls is okay and a daughter who’s going to go through that thinking it’s just a part of growing up. We don’t talk about these things because we want half-assed sorry apologies or to even bash black men. We do it because we want the cycle to stop because no little black girl should feel less than her worth, especially at the hands of the ones who should be looking out for us.
#cherry chats 🍒#just a lil thought#sorry to start my Sunday off with a rant but hey#tw vent#colorism#black girl blogger#this has been on my mind for a few days#Twitter would get so offended by this so I’ll post here with the girlies
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Hey love!<3
So I was wondering if you could write something with Will Miller? I’m currently in my Triple Frontier era and I would loveeee to read some fluffy Valentine’s Day blurb about him.
Thank you so much and have a great day<33
Real Love, Baby.
will miller x female reader
warnings - one curse word
valentines masterlist. inbox. masterlist.
You wake up to rocks being thrown at your window.
You’re half convinced you’re dreaming, so you turn back over in bed, willing yourself to fall back asleep. When the noise continues, you march over, throwing back the curtains with fury.
“Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?”
You open your window, chuckling as you shake your head.
“Aren’t I the one that’s supposed to say that? You know, because I’m up high?”
Will laughs, and the sound carries through the air like a feather in the breeze, right up to you.
“Shit. My bad!”
You sit down on the windowsill, looking down at the man whose hair is glinting golden in the light of the sunrise.
“What are you up to, Will?”
“I’m recreating our first Valentine’s Day, baby!”
You grin at him, shaking your head in disbelief.
“I can’t believe you remember.”
“Remember? Honey, it was one of the best days of my life.”
You smile softly, silently wondering how you got quite so lucky.
“Okay, come on. For real now. Let’s recreate it.”
“You sure you remember your lines, William?”
“You’ll correct me if I don’t,” he winks, taking a step back to get into position. “Okay, ready? Action!”
You transport yourself mentally back to that morning all those years ago. You were both seventeen, naive kids with big dreams and even bigger feelings for each other.
“What are you doing here, Will? It’s six thirty in the morning on a Sunday.”
“I just couldn’t wait. I had to tell you - it’s now or never.”
You smile, remembering him saying those exact words, before you realise that you’ve broken character. He gestures at you to carry on, fighting a grin off his face.
“Tell me what?” you continue, back on track.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been since the fourth grade, when you leant me a pencil with a pink pom pom on the end. Maybe you don’t love me back, and that’s okay, but it is Valentine’s, so I just thought - what better day than today?”
You fight back tears suddenly, trying to process the fact that he remembers exactly what he said to you, even after so long. Inhaling deeply, you try to keep going.
“Did you have to tell me this so early? You couldn’t have waited until, like, nine or something?”
He laughs, full bodied and genuine, just like he did back then. He hasn’t changed a bit.
“I told you - I needed to tell you before I lost my courage.”
“I’m gonna go off script for a minute here, Will! This is the moment I climbed out of my window, but I’ll break my neck if I try that now. Give me one minute to come down. Hold on!”
You run down the stairs, still in your pyjamas, and out of the front door, where Will is waiting patiently for you.
“Hey Will?”
He looks at you expectantly, big blue eyes sparkling and warm.
“I love you too. I have since the fourth grade, when you bought a pencil with a blue pom pom on the end so we could be matching.”
He wraps his arms around your waist and dips you like you’re in a movie, before pressing his lips to yours. He tastes like peppermint, just like he did back then, and the kiss takes you right back to the first time.
He places you back on your feet as you wrap your arms around his neck, fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Do you think they’d believe us?” you whisper. “If we told those seventeen year old kids that we’re married now?”
“Of course they would,” he replies, kissing you again. “I always knew I’d marry you. There was no question about it.”
You lean in and rest your forehead against his, the familiar warmth of his skin a welcome comfort.
“Thank God for your six thirty am courage, huh?”
Will laughs, deep and full of love.
“Valentine’s Day, baby. Some sort of magic in the air. Then, and now.”
You press a kiss to his rosy lips softly.
“Now, who’s gonna play the role of my mom coming outside and offering you pancakes and coffee?”
“What was it she said she saw us?”
You chuckle, shaking your head.
“Finally.”
“Finally.”
#be murphy’s valentine#will miller x female reader#will miller x reader fluff#will miller x reader#will miller fluff#will miller#will ironhead miller#triple frontier x oc#triple frontier fluff#triple frontier fanfic#will miller imagine#will miller one shot#will miller x you#triple frontier x reader fluff#triple frontier x reader#triple frontier x you
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Orbiting: pt.2,5°
[icehockey!jungkook x figureskater!reader] [drabble; idiot fwb to lovers; mutual pining]
A/N: Just something cute and fluffy to introduce how Jungkook and Y/N started out their friendship. I’m honestly surprised and thankful that a lot of people read Orbiting and loved it. I’m currently working on another part of the fic and I hope it gets just as much as love as the previous parts. That being said, I hope you also enjoy reading this drabble.
-
Jungkook kept to himself. He truly enjoyed hanging out by himself. While his peers played in the sandbox playground during recess, he headed to the gardens and watched the bugs that littered the bushes.
Yet somehow, his interest warranted the boys in his grade to tease him, and the girls avoided him.
He didn't mind it and was just glad they never got physical. Plus, he got what he wanted: to be left alone.
It was during one of your school programs that he met you.
Like clockwork, Jungkook headed to the gardens and was surprised to find someone beat him to his spot by the Azalea bushes. You were hunched over, and he could see your tiny finger softly shoving what seemed to be a tiny red shell. It's a dead bug, he thinks.
Before he could even turn back and return to his classroom and eat his snack in peace, you turned around and smiled. "This bug's playing dead, look," you say with another soft push to the bug.
Still shy but definitely curious, Jungkook walks a little bit closer to where you squat. You cheerily hummed as you struggled to pick up the tiny bug. But determined as ever, you pinched the insect until a faint crunch was heard.
A toothy grin still on your face, you brought your hand closer to Jungkook to show him the bug. "How long do you think until it wakes up?" Still on mute, Jungkook looks at the bug and then at you, "I think it's already dead," he murmurs. "No, it's not," you protest. "Ladybugs like to pretend they're dead so predators will leave them alone."
He didn't dare tell you otherwise when he saw you frown.
That evening, Jungkook asked his brother, who then told him to look it up in the encyclopedia, if ladybugs indeed played dead to ward off other bad bugs.
He spent an hour reading about ladybugs and memorized three facts to recite to you the next day.
But he never did see you.
He learned later that you belonged in another class and were good friends with everyone, which made it a bit daunting for him to approach you.
He still recited the ladybug facts to himself on his way to school and back home.
-
The next time he saw you was on a rainy day, his first day back in school as a fourth grader.
You had your hair in pigtails, and colorful butterfly clamps adorned them. You were designated to sit next to him, and you hummed while you sat. Jungkook faced you and spouted the three facts he had etched on his brain.
"Oh, I knew that," a soft laugh of amusement followed your words. "Did you know that not all spiders make webs?" At this, Jungkook just blinked. He wanted to say something but knew nothing about spiders. He knew better than to doubt you, though. So, he just nods, his choppy bangs covering even more of his doe eyes.
You smile. "I saw a spider on the bush near the sandbox earlier. If you have a raincoat, you can come with me later."
Dimples popped out from the quiet boy's cheek as he gulped, prompting you to poke his cheeks. "Hey, you have dimples. How cute."
Your hands were cold, a contrast to the warming face of Jungkook as he blushed. He didn't know why, but he felt his heart beat as quickly as the pitter-patter of the rain. He wonders if he's getting sick. And while he usually used every opportunity to be sent home, he didn't want to miss school or not be able to see the spiders with you.
-
Read the fic here.
#jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n#jungkook fic#jungkook fluff#jeon jungkook#bts#bts jungkook#bts fluff#bts drabble
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Fourth of July
Warnings: angst, mentions of depression and anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts?, mention of alcohol and drug use, fluff at the end
Pairing: Eddie Munson x female hopper!reader (reader is adopted)
*not proofread!
-
Loss.
You have experienced so much loss in your life. So much that it made you feel nothing and yet everything at once. Everything bad.
You wake up crying, every night. Drenched in sweat, gasping for air as you’re clutching your chest. It takes a few minutes for you to calm down but it really feels like hours. Hours of replaying your nightmares even though you’re trying to forget them, so desperately.
You see the faces of the people you lost, the people that died or left. Every night, you hear their screams as they are getting torn apart by whatever it is down there and you know your mind is playing tricks on you, considering that half of those people you see in your dreams are still alive. They are still here and so are you even though you catch yourself thinking you wish you weren't.
You wish you weren't here.
All you felt was pain, this agonizing kind of pain that made every little thing so unbearable but you told yourself to hold on, that there was more than just this pain.
The pain that never seemed to stop.
-
Blinking, you stare at the heavy rain hitting the windows. Single droplets streaming down the glass, just the way your tears stream down your face whenever you wake up crying.
You drown out the teacher’s voice or the ringing of the bell. Not even noticing that everyone is packing up and leaving the classroom.
You don’t even know why you’re here, at school.
Your bad grades and failed classes have forced you to stay behind, repeating your senior year; if someone had told you this one year ago, you would have laughed in their face and called them crazy. Your grades were good and you have never, ever failed a class in your life.
That is until you lost your dad.
Everything just changed after he was gone.
It wasn't the same anymore.
You shut everyone out, pushed your friends away. Not because you wanted them out of your life but because you weren't ready for them to see you this way and you weren't ready to lose someone else.
You felt as though you were a curse. Everyone who got too close to you, ended up getting hurt or worse. They died.
Your dad called himself a curse once and maybe it wasn't actually him. Maybe it was you.
The rain is falling, freely.
Just like it did that night you watched Joyce walk out of the mall without him, without your dad.
“(y/n)?”
Tearing your eyes away from the window, you look up to find Nancy standing in front of you, looking at you in concern.
Furrowing your brows, you look around the now empty classroom. You were so deep in thought, you didn't even hear the bell ringing. You don't notice anything anymore.
Looking back at your friend, you mumble a quiet ‘hey’ as you get up. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind you ear, you grab your history book.
“Are you okay?”
No.
“Yeah, just kinda tired.” you lie as you force a smile on your face.
Nancy eyes your expression, noticing the dark circles under your eyes, the dull look in your eyes and the tired expression on your face. You are suffering. She knows you’re lying about your feelings, that you refuse to open up and she worries about you, she worries about her best friend.
“Nightmares?” she asks carefully as you both walk out of the classroom.
“Uh- n-no, just, staying up late to study. I need to fix my grades and I’m behind on some stuff.” you lie, again. That’s all you seem to be doing lately.
Lying about your feelings, lying about your wellbeing, lying about your nightmares.
Lies.
It’s all just lies now.
Hell, you’re even lying to yourself. Telling yourself that you’re fine. That you will be okay. Eventually.
Nancy nods, pretending to believe your lies. She isn't stupid, she knows you and she knows that you’re an awful liar when it comes to your feelings. You always get that look in your eyes, that guilty one before you look away to avoid eye contact.
“Hey, would you like to have a sleepover tonight? Just like old times?” Nancy asks, opening the door to the cafeteria, she glances back at you to find you with a skeptic expression on your face, one that gives your answer away already and while she respected your decisions and the distance you needed after what happened last year, she started to feel frustrated with you. Not because she was angry at you but because she was worried about you. Worried about her best friend “we could watch a movie, paint our finger nails and listen to whatever music you want.” she adds.
Your eyes soften at her suggestion, a sad smile tugging at your lips as you think about all the sleepovers you used to have together. How careless and happy you were when things were.. so much simpler.
You miss it.
You would have loved to have a sleepover but the thought of getting a nightmare during one and giving away the state you’re in kept you from saying ‘yes’ so you came up with a lie. As always.
Guilt creeps up on you as you see the sad look in her eyes.
“B-But we can go to the movies if you want.” you offer as you sit down at one of the less crowded tables in the cafeteria.
Her eyes light up at your words, a smile appearing on her face “yes! that would be perfect.”
You smile at your friend as she starts suggesting all the movies you could watch.
Feelings eyes on you, you glance around the bustling room curiously until your eyes lock with his.
Eddie Munson.
His dark eyes locked on you, he’s staring. As if he is staring into your soul, trying to figure you out.
Blinking, you’re unable to look away from him, his eyes, his glance, he, he pulls you in.
You miss him.
The two of you got assigned to a project a few months before your life changed so drastically.
He was funny and sweet. He made you laugh more than anyone else did and he made you happy. He was amazing and the short time you spent with him as your friend, was the best.
But you were unaware of his feelings for you.
Eddie who spent most of his high school years longing for you, was hopelessly in love with you.
The moment he laid his eyes on you all these years back, he knew. He knew you were the one.
He felt like the luckiest man alive when you were assigned as partners and he felt even more lucky when you continued hanging out with him even after you were done with the project.
Nights spent with music and late night drives turned into a routine over the summer and it was perfect, so perfect.
Until the 4th of July happened.
And everything changed.
You changed.
And you distanced yourself from him, from everyone.
And you never let him back in.
You stare at each other, for what feels like forever, neither of you seem to be able to look away from one another. God, you miss him so much.
The sad gaze his eyes hold is enough for your broken heart to crack even further, tears prickle in the corners of your eyes causing you to tear your eyes away from him, looking down at your hands as you try to focus on Nancy’s voice again but you can still feel his eyes on you.
-
The rain is pouring down on you, mixing in with your tears. Your clothes are drenched, your hair falling in front of your face as you’re walking through the empty streets of Hawkins.
Your heart is racing and you’re barely able to catch your breath, feeling as though you ran all the way here even though you only walked.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
After your night at the movies with Nancy, the two of you shared a few drinks- maybe a few too many but you felt good, better than you did in a while and you finally managed to enjoy life, again.
Until you came back home.
The moment you stepped into the empty and cold house and you walked past your dads room- what used to be his room, your heart just dropped. You felt sick to your stomach.
If he was still here, he would have lectured you about coming home so late, especially after all the things that happened in this town.
But he wasn't here anymore.
And this wasn't your home anymore. It didn't feel like it now that he was gone.
You’re tired, so so tired of feeling this way.
You left the house, not even caring about the raging storm. You just started walking, letting your feet take you wherever.
You didn’t care about the cold rain on your skin. If anything, it felt nice, at least it felt better than waking up drenched in sweat because of nightmares.
-
Strumming his guitar, Eddie is staring at his wall blankly. His thoughts occupied by you, the way they always are.
It’s been almost a year since you came into his life and left just as quickly. He couldn't blame you though. You lost your dad and you needed some time alone, he respected that but seeing you around school and not being able to just go up to you and pull you into his arms the way he always wants to, drives him insane.
He cares about you in a way he never cared for anyone.
Loud knocking echoes through his trailer. Furrowing his brows, Eddie looks at the clock on his table 2:31 AM. Who comes knocking at 2 AM in the morning?
Putting his guitar down, he gets up, sighing as he walks through his trailer.
He sighs in annoyance as the knocking continues.
“I’m coming!”
Ready to yell at whoever decided to knock on his door at this hour, Eddie pulls open his door, about to open his mouth to tell the person on the other side to fuck off but when his eyes lock with yours, his words get caught in his throat.
Standing there, you are shaking from the cold rain, your clothes are drenched, your bottom lip is trembling and he can’t tell whether it’s tears running down your face or if it’s the rain.
“H-Hi..”
He mumbles your name, staring at you worriedly. Grabbing your arm he pulls you into his warm trailer.
“(Y/n), w-what are you doing here? Did something happen? Are you okay?” he rambles as he puts his hand on your shoulders, eying you in concern.
Your glassy eyes give away that you have been crying all the way here, the side alone is enough to make his heart ache.
“I’m gonna grab you a towel or blanket.” he mumbles but before he can make a move, you grab his hand, mumbling a quiet ‘no’.
Looking down at your hand, he notices how badly you are shaking. Worry creeps up on him as he eyes you slowly. Cupping your hand with his other one, he steps closer to you.
“I-I don’t- I’m okay.” you stutter as you grip his hand tightly, looking around the room nervously “I just- c-can you give me something?”
Eddie furrows his brows at your words “w-what?”
He feels stupid for asking, by the look in your eyes, he already knows what you want from him.
You sigh, another tear escaping your eye “drugs, pills anything, please.” you whisper, looking away in shame. This wasn't like you. You didn't even recognize your own voice as you uttered those words but you want to escape reality even if it’s just for a short while.
You want to fall asleep without having to worry about yet another nightmare.
Eddie’s face twisted, sadness clouding his features as he looks at you, taking in your state, he notices that you’re not even shaking from the rain, your lip isn't trembling from the cold. You’re anxious, panicked even. You look scared and tired at the same time and now that you’re standing right in front of him, he can see you.
He can see how you are still suffering.
Your eyes look dull despite the tears in them. You look tired, as if you haven't slept in weeks and you looked as though you were near a goddamn panic attack.
“I- drinks don’t help a-and I can’t take sleeping pills, they don't help and if I take too many, I-I won't-” you hesitated as your eyes met his, even through your blurred vision, you can still see the worry and confusion in his eyes.
“You won’t wake up.” he nods, finishing your sentence. He grows even more concerned as you stare at him with this broken look in your eyes.
Something tells him that you wouldn't even care if you didn't end up waking up.
But he cares, he cares so much, it would break him if something happened to you.
“So please, give me something, Eddie, I don’t care what it is, j-just please, I need it.” you beg as tears roll down your cheek.
A wave of sadness came over him. He has never seen you like this, so broken, so fragile and so desperate for something that you would have never touched one year ago.
You rarely ever had any alcohol, let alone touched any of his weed but now you were asking for drugs?
Eddie shakes his head, his brows pulled together. He will give you anything you want. Anything but this.
“No.”
A sigh leaves your lips. The thought of having to go home and crying yourself to sleep only to wake up sobbing because of your taunting nightmares made you feel so defeated.
“Please Eddie, please.” you cry, not even caring about how miserable you looked. Your tears are falling freely as you look into his large sad eyes. Letting go of his hand, you put your hand into the pockets of your jeans, not even noticing how badly your hands are shaking.
“Here.” grabbing the dollar bills, you hold them against his chest “you can have anything you want.” you cry, your voice so heavy with emotions.
Eddie sighs deeply, closing his eyes for a moment, he takes a deep breath, taking your hand in his, he opens his eyes as he pushes the money towards you again “no.” he repeats.
He won't lose you to this. Not you.
“You can have anything you want from me, sweetheart but not this.”
The way you so desperately asked him for this, basically throwing your money at him whilst looking at him with those teary eyes of yours, gave away the broken state you are in. Making him even more worried about you.
You huff as you close your eyes. A pained expression on your face as you take a step back. Pulling your hand out of his, you nod softly. You feel defeated.
“Okay.” you whisper, trying to blink away your tears “I'm sorry.” you mumble, you look into his eyes one more time before you turn around to leave but before you can take a step forward, he grabs your hand, whispering your name softly.
“Talk to me, sweetheart.” he whispers.
You stand with your back to him, breathing heavily. You want to, you just want to let everything out but you can't. You can’t tell him what actually happened.
He can tell that you’re about to refuse, telling him that there's nothing to talk about but he won't let you go, not again.
Stepping closer to you, he lets go of your hand, instead he brushes your wet hair out of your face, wiping your tears away, his touch is so soft, so warm and comforting.
Cupping your cheeks, he tilts your head up so you look him in the eyes.
“I’m here okay? You can talk to me o-or if that’s not what you want then we can just hang out, we can listen to some music or just drive around like we did last year?” he suggests as he looks at you with hopeful eyes “we can do whatever you want, whatever helps you feel better but taking that shit won't help darling, it won't numb the pain it'll just make everything worse for you and I don’t what for you.”
Furrowing your brows, you stare at him for the longest time, your eyes boring into his. He rubs your cheek with his thumb as he waits for you to say something.
“I-I don’t want to numb the pain, I just- I just want to sleep-” you trail off. Sighing as you notice the confused expression on his face “I want to sleep and not dream about anything.”
Realization dawns on his face.
Nightmares.
“Every goddamn night, I-I get these horrible dreams and I can’t do it anymore, Eddie. I feel like I’m going insane.” your voice cracks, closing your eyes you look down as you feel yourself beginning to cry again.
“Oh y/n.” Eddie breaths, pulling you into his arms, he hugs you close to his chest, rubbing your back with his left hand, his right hand goes to cup the back of your head as he kisses the top of your head “it’s okay, I got you sweetheart.” he whispers as he listens to your cries.
Wrapping your arms around him, you cling to him, holding him tightly as you cry into his chest.
“I got you.” he whispers, over and over again.
Your clothes are still wet, cold on your body as they stick to your skin uncomfortably but right in this moment you feel warm, safe and secure.
You feel comfortable in his arms.
“Let me help you.” he whispers as calm down after a while.
“H-How?”
“Stay with me tonight, you can sleep here and I’ll watch over you, I’ll wake you up if anything happens.”
Your eyes soften at his suggestion “I’d like that.”
A smile tugs at his lips, his eyes lighting up. Leaning in, he kisses your forehead softly “come on.” he whispers, taking your hand in his, he leads you into his bedroom.
Eddie gave you his favorite shirt to wear, his sacred Black Sabbath shirt. Sitting on his bed, you look around the room, nothing has changed since the last time you were here.
Your eyes fall on a piece of paper laying on top of one of his books on his desk. You don’t need to move closer to recognize your handwriting but you get up anyways, picking up the piece of paper, you unfold it fully, it was the note you gave him when the two of you were assigned as partners during history class, last year.
You were too nervous to speak to him, so you wrote him a little note and slid it over to him.
Wanna study at my place tonight? 7pm?
- Y/n
It was nothing special, a simple little note. Just a piece of paper but he kept it.
Because you gave it to him.
The thought of him keeping something so small from you made your heart flutter.
“I made you hot chocolate.” Eddie says as he comes back into his room “the best hot chocolate of Hawkins.” he adds.
Putting the note down, you turn around to find him staring at you. A soft look in his eyes, his cheeks flushed as he looks at you.
The butterflies flutter in his stomach, his heart skips a beat. Standing there in the middle of his room with just his shirt on; you are the prettiest girl to him.
Walking towards him, you smile nervously as your eyes lock “can I try?” you ask, your eyes flicker to his lips for a second.
“W-What?”
“The best hot chocolate of Hawkins.” you whisper, making him chuckle.
“Of course, doll.” he chuckles, smiling at you.
He hands you the mug. Your fingers brush his as you take it from him. You smile softly unaware that such a small action from you is enough to make him weak in the knees.
He loves you. He loves you so much that it hurt when he couldn't be next to you.
“Oh wow.” you mumble after taking a sip of the sweet beverage “that really is the best hot chocolate.” you say making him smile.
“Told you so.” he shrugs with a smirk on his face.
You chuckle, taking another sip before you put the mug down on his table, next to the note. Turning around again, you stare at him for the longest time, eyeing soft expression on his face.
You missed him so much.
You just want to throw your arms around him and never let go again and without a second thought you step closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist, you lean your head against his chest “I miss you, Eddie.”
“I miss you too, y/n, like crazy.” he whispers as you wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly against him. He longed for this, for you in his arms and now you were finally here, with him.
Looking up at him, your eyes lock, you can’t stop the guilty feeling that creeps up in you. You pushed him away even though you never wanted to but you didn't want him to see you this way, you didn't want to be a burden on him but now as you look into his eyes, you know he would never think of you as that; a burden.
He cares for you, deeply. You can feel it and you can see it in his eyes. Even when he was just staring at you from afar.
You always felt it.
Your hands move up to his neck, standing on your tippy toes, you stare at him for the longest time, just gazing into his eyes.
His hands cup your cheeks softly “y/n” he whispers as he leans in closer, his lips almost touching yours now.
You close the gap between the two of you and press your lips against his as your eyes close.
His eyes flutter close. his heart skips a beat at the feeling of your lips against his. Pulling you in even closer, he kisses you back with all the love he has for you.
The kiss is soft yet passionate. Filled with raw emotions and it just feels right, it feels perfect.
You feel safe in his embrace.
At home.
Right at this moment, you know, that as long as you have him, nothing and no one can hurt you.
-
#eddie munson#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson imagines#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson angst#stranger things imagine#stranger things imagines#stranger things angst#stranger things fluff
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Sonny Carisi: Second Chances, Part Four
WC: 6725
TW: Idiots in love; smut (PiV, protected); 18+ only.
AN: This is part of a mini-series. The rest can be found here.
You didn’t sleep with Sonny that night. You definitely wanted to, but something made you slow down. Maybe it was his admission that he didn’t feel like he deserved to be happy. Maybe it was how he see-sawed between eagerness and hesitation. He seemed to want to be with you, and he seemed to expect you to hurt him. You wanted to make sure that when you finally slept together, he knew it was because you wanted him – not because he was some convenient rebound.
So instead of sleeping with him that night, you cuddled up against him on your couch and just talked. And you got to the bottom of some of Sonny’s hesitation – he had a lengthy history of terrible first dates.
Once he got started talking, it was hard to stop him. There was a date in the eighth grade at an arcade where the girl he came with left with another boy. There was a Yankee game in high school where the girl ghosted him after the fourth inning. There was the date in college when Sonny, trying to act like a grown-up, took a girl to a jazz club. The date was going well, he told you, until the woman let slip that she only was on a date with him to make her real boyfriend jealous.
“And then I screwed up our first date,” he said. He sounded so sad that you couldn’t help but press a kiss to his mouth before you pulled away.
“You didn’t screw it up,” you admonished him. “Besides, you ended up with a second date, so that doesn’t seem like a failure to me.”
He turned and gave you a look that reminded you of a dog in an animal shelter commercial, giant blue eyes and a pout. “But will I get a third date?”
You laughed at him. “Definitely.”
You sent him home shortly thereafter (with the leftover lasagna, after he tap-danced around asking for an extra piece to take home), and then you sat up for a while, thinking. Sonny was so selfless and sweet, and he seemed to never have much nice done for him in return. You decided to plan the third date that you promised him.
********
All you had told Sonny was to dress casually. “Not date-casual,” you told him. “I’m talking jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers.” He started to protest, but you cut him off. “If you aren’t dressed like a boy in middle school, I’m going to call your grandmother and tell her that you were seducing me with breakfast strudels instead of cannoli.”
On Friday night, Sonny found himself waiting in his apartment, dressed in the nicest jeans he had, the cleanest sneakers he had, and a plain t-shirt that he hoped made him look like an adult instead of like a boy. He had to do his hair twice – his usual gel-and-style did not match his attire at all, so he rinsed out all the product and left it more natural.
There was a knock on his door promptly at seven, and he opened the door to you. You were in jeans and canvas sneakers too, and a Backstreet Boys tour t-shirt. Your face was bare of makeup (that he could see), and your hair was pulled up into a high ponytail. You looked almost criminally young, especially when paired with the toothy grin you had plastered across your face.
“C’mon,” you said. You grabbed his hand and tugged him into the hallway towards the stairs. “Our ride is waiting.”
But instead of a taxi standing on the curb, there was a beat-to-hell minivan with a bemused looking older woman in the driver’s seat. You climbed into the middle seat, though, so Sonny followed suit, even though he was completely baffled.
You were silent for the ride, so Sonny held his tongue, and in short order you were dropped at a corner in the Lower East Side. The driver leaned across the passenger’s seat to call out to you, “I’ll pick you up here at eleven,” before she drove off.
“Doll, I have no idea what’s going on,” Sonny said.
You smiled and took his hand again. You tugged him down the street towards some unknown destination. “It’s a re-do,” you explained. “Your first date with a girl in the eighth grade at the arcade.”
Sonny faltered in his steps, and you stopped beside him. “What do you mean?” he asked.
You bit your lip and thought for a moment. “Well, you brought me breakfast every day and let me believe it was Nick,” you explained. “You were giving me happy memories. I thought maybe I could do the same thing. You had bad first dates, so I thought we could re-do them. I wanted to give you a happy memory.”
Sonny felt an unexpected sting of tears in his eyes that he covered up by looking down the street. He cleared his throat. “So eighth grade…”
“Eighth grade,” you agreed. You gestured down your front. “Hence the Backstreet Boys. And our driver was my neighbor. She has a mini-van, and I paid her fifty bucks to drop us off and pick us up.” You grinned at him. “Because we are thirteen and don’t have driver’s licenses.”
The tears threatened again, and Sonny didn’t bother to hide them. He thought back to his first date, and it felt both a million years ago and just yesterday. He remembered being so excited to go out with a girl – Leah – and he remembered feeling so adult to plan out an evening together.
He also remembered the humiliation when Leah left with another classmate, and the mortification when his mother picked him up later, alone.
“Doll, this is too much,” he protested weakly, but you shook your head at him.
“It’s exactly what you deserve.” You started walking, pulling on his hand, and he followed. “Cheap pizza and video games,” you added with a laugh.
Dinner was cheap pizza at a little pizzeria. You both used a ton of napkins to mop up the grease that pooled on the slices, and you skipped the special on a PBR pitcher and stuck with soft drinks (“because we’re underaged” you whispered to Sonny). Getting into the spirit of it, Sonny ordered a Mountain Dew, remembering how he was fueled by it back in middle school.
After that, you walked him across the street to a retro arcade where you paid for two all-access passes that got you unlimited plays. Sonny immediately made a beeline to Street Fighter II, and you watched him bemusedly until you found a console of Burger Time in the corner that you camped out at for a while.
Then the two of you played Gauntlet together, you shoving him lightly when he accidentally shot your with arrows. The night flew by, and before he knew it, you were glancing at your watch and telling him that “your mom” would be on her way. You both left the arcade and started walking towards the pickup point.
“Did you have fun?” you asked him, and Sonny could only throw an arm around your waist and try to tug you to him for a kiss. Which you dodged in mock-horror.
“Whoa,” you said, taking a dancing step away from him. “Were you that forward when you were thirteen, Sonny?”
He laughed at this. “Seriously?”
You batted your eyes at him. “I have a crush on Keanu Reeves, and I’m probably going to marry him when I’m older, but if you ask nice, I’ll let you kiss me.”
“Please may I kiss you?” Sonny said immediately, and you pretended to think about it before nodding.
He stepped up to you and put his hands on your shoulders, then dipped his head and captured your mouth with his. He could feel your lips curving into a smile against his mouth, so he pulled away.
“What?” he asked, but you shook your head sadly.
“Sonny, I was thirteen once, and I kissed a thirteen year old boy once. It did not go like that at all.”
Sonny pulled you back to him, dipped his head again, and as soon as his lips touched yours, he plunged his tongue straight into your mouth with zero finesse and skill. You pulled away, laughing so hard that Sonny couldn’t help but chuckle too.
“You taste like Mountain Dew,” you said between peals of laughter. “But that felt about right.”
Your neighbor picked you both up a minute later, and when the mini-van stopped at Sonny’s place, you stayed in the vehicle.
“I’d come up with you,” you said apologetically. “But I have an algebra test tomorrow.”
He could only wave goodbye as the automatic door slid shut, but when he went into his building, he took the steps to the second floor two at a time with a lightness in his steps.
-----
You planned the next date too, and Sonny found himself at Yankee Stadium on a Saturday afternoon as they faced off against the Orioles. You looked like the girl next door again, in short jean shorts and those canvas sneakers. Your t-shirt looked like a Yankees shirt, but when he looked closer, it just said “Local Sports Team” on it, making him smile.
You took the B train to the stadium and settled into a pair of nosebleed seats. You shrugged at Sonny and explained that you didn’t have a lot of money to spend from your baby-sitting job, but you had enough for a few hot dogs and sodas.
Sonny placed an arm over the back of your seat, and you obviously felt that was high-school appropriate because you didn’t fight him on it. It was hot and humid, but a nice breeze came through often enough to keep it from being miserable. And Sonny thought he’d go through any weather to spend time with you.
No woman had ever been so thoughtful with him, and it made him feel pleasantly pleased at the attention. It made him feel seen.
At the start of the fourth inning though, you stood up and left your seat, promising to come back, but you were gone the entire inning, and Sonny remembered the original date. Another humiliation, another moment where he felt like he wasn’t enough. He started to wallow, but you reappeared just then. You had a giant soft pretzel, almost as big as your head.
“Sorry I was gone so long. The line was insane,” you said. “Want to split this?”
After the game, you took the subway and then walked back to your place, and Sonny tried to think about what he would have done in high school. Raised Catholic, he probably wouldn’t have had sex even if the option had been there – he was still too guilty and felt like a disapproving god was watching him from above. Hell, he couldn’t even masturbate back then (or now, really), without feeling a flush of shame wash over him.
The two of you ended up on your couch, doing what his childhood priest would sternly call “heavy petting.” You were stretched out underneath him, one of your legs hanging off the edge of the couch, while you made out feverishly. Sonny’s hands roamed over your form, but he had to keep it over your clothes because you smacked him every time he tried to sneak his fingers under a hem. You kept your own hands on his biceps or shoulders, letting them drift between the two locations on his sweat-dampened t-shirt.
He felt like a teenager again, and he rolled his hips against you in a languid motion to relieve some of the tension below the belt. You seemed to enjoy it too, judging from the soft moans that you let slip every so often. Sonny chuckled against you. You pulled back a bit.
“What’s so funny?” you asked, and he laughed again.
“I just never thought that I’d be dry humping a girl at my age,” he replied.
You made a face. “I hate that term,” you informed him. “It sounds like something a dog would do to a couch cushion. Call it ‘outercourse,’ please.”
“I never thought I’d be outercoursing a girl at my age,” he amended, and then he leaned back down to kiss you more, sliding his tongue into your mouth.
You shifted underneath him just a bit, and when Sonny felt that nearly unbearable tension again and resumed rolling his hips against you, you moaned louder. You were perfectly placed under him, and if you were both naked, he’d be inside you – the thought alone made him feel dizzy. He knew that you were holding off sleeping with him for some reason or another. He didn’t press the issue, and you didn’t elaborate your reason to him. He worried that you were still hung up on Nick, but if that were the case, why were you going to such effort for him?
But he realized with a start that you were starting to press back against his gentle thrusts, and even with the layers of clothing between you, he might be able to make you come just from the pressure and friction alone. The thought made him even harder, which he didn’t think was possible, so he rolled his hips harder and plunged his tongue into your mouth in time with his thrusts.
You turned your head to the side, breaking the kiss. “Sonny,” you whined, and he wasn’t sure if you were telling him to stop or to keep going.
“Is this okay?” he asked against your neck. He pressed a kiss to the side of your neck, darting his tongue out to taste the salt of your sweat.
“Sonny,” you repeated. One of your hands drifted from his shoulder across to his back, fisting his damp t-shirt in your fist. “Would you have done this in high school?” you asked as you panted underneath him.
“With you? Absolutely,” he replied. He moved against you again, drawing another moan from you. “Though I definitely wouldn’t have understood a girl having an orgasm when I was sixteen.”
You huffed out a breathless sort of laugh. “We should stop then,” you said with a groan. “Keep it authentic.”
Sonny kissed your neck again, sucking against your soft skin. “We should keep going instead,” he murmured against you. “Authentic would have been you dumping me at the game.” He pulled back and looked down at you. Your face was flushed from a day in the sun and from desire, and your lips were swollen from kissing. You looked gorgeous, and Sonny felt that too-familiar twist of love in his chest.
You surged up and kissed him gently on his cheek, then laid a hand over the side of his face too. “I didn’t have an orgasm until college, Sonny,” you said with a smile. “I didn’t even know what ‘orgasm’ meant in high school.”
“I did,” he replied with a grin, and you laughed underneath him.
“And I thought you were the good Catholic boy,” you teased. You put your hands on his shoulders and pushed him gently off of you until you were both sitting side by side, Sonny surreptitiously trying to hide his obvious erection.
“Well, I felt guilty about it, doll. Nothing more Catholic than that.”
Sonny only stayed long enough to calm down, and then he ordered a car and left, but not before setting a date for your next get-together.
-----
Now that Sonny was onto the game you were playing with your dates, he just went ahead and told you the name of the jazz club that he went to in college in a vain attempt to impress his date. He picked you up at your apartment, and you looked like a vision in a dark blue wrap dress and heels. Your hair was down, but there was a silk flower tucked behind one ear.
The jazz club was pretty much the same, just a bit more dingy than he remembered. You each ordered old-timey cocktails and sat beside each other in a dim corner. Sonny laid his arm around your shoulders, and you cuddled up against him and placed a soft hand on his thigh.
The jazz was awful, or at least, Sonny didn’t understand it as a musical genre. There was no discernable melody that he could follow, and it sounded like when Bella was young and started piano lessons and would just bang the keys at random. You felt the same way because two drinks in, you leaned against him and whispered in his ear.
“Want to get out of here?”
“You sure, doll?” he asked.
You nodded and winced as the flautist hit a particularly piercing high note. “This music could qualify as torture under the Geneva Convention, I think.”
You both ended up at his place, making out in a way that felt familiar now. When Sonny tried to progress to another plane, however, you still smacked his hands away lightly. And when he whined, needy, against you mouth, you grinned at him.
“It’s college, Sonny. I didn’t have sex until after college.”
Sonny was incredulous. “Seriously?”
You nodded. “I was terrified of sex, honestly. I always wanted to, but I’d get cold feet at the last minute because I envisioned getting pregnant or some exotic STD.” You shook your head. “Our college’s health clinic usually assumed that whatever was ailing you was an STD. I remember having strep throat once and getting a pamphlet about gonorrhea.”
Sonny wanted to ask about your first time: when and where and, most importantly, which man convinced you that he was a safe bet when other men hadn’t been. He was already jealous of this unknown guy, and he worried that it had been Nick. It couldn’t have been, though. Or could it?
You didn’t sense his roiling emotions though, and instead you just curled up against him and nodded off after a while. You’d both had a few long weeks at SVU with mandatory overtime due to being understaffed, and Sonny felt his own eyes growing heavy.
“Doll, do you want to stay the night?” he asked softly, and you stirred against him. “We don’t have to do anything other than sleep.”
You sat up. Your face was creased from being pressed against his shirt, and Sonny couldn’t resist reaching out to run his finger down it.
“Would that be okay?” you asked. “Or would it be too tempting?”
He pulled you against him and kissed your temple, breathing in the smell of your shampoo. “You’re too tempting just walking around the bullpen in your work outfits,” he murmured. “But I’ll behave.”
********
You were in the bullpen early a few morning after your jazz club date. Fin and Rollins were off duty, and Liv was at 1PP for some bureaucratic meeting. Sonny arrived about ten minutes after you, and he placed a coffee and pastry on your desk in front of you with a wink.
Dating Nick, if you could have even called it that, had felt like work a lot of the time. The guys you dated before him were much the same: tons of effort to read and manage their moods, constantly waiting and then rushing depending on what they needed. Waiting around for them to need you, rushing to get there when they did. You realized sadly that you probably had never had a healthy relationship before.
Nothing about dating Sonny felt like a chore, not even planning those dates. And if they had felt like work, it would have been worth it to see his face light up. You wondered if Sonny had ever been in a healthy relationship before.
You hoped against hope that maybe you could be that for each other.
You sipped your coffee and tried not to wolf down the cherry strudel that was still so warm that the icing had been absorbed into the flaky pastry. After you were done (and after you licked your fingers on the sly), you made your way over to Sonny’s desk and sat on the edge.
“Detective Carisi,” you said formally. “Any plans this weekend?”
He leaned back in his chair and grinned at you, the corners of his blue eyes crinkling. “Maybe,” he said. “I’m kinda seeing this girl.”
“Ah.” You nodded knowingly. “Sonny mentioned that you were dating someone. How’s it going?”
He played along, but his eyes were soft. “It’s going really well,” he admitted, his voice a bit lower. “How’s it going with Sonny?”
“Also really well.”
“Look at the two of us, doing really well.”
You smiled at him for a moment, enjoying the playful conversation. “I was thinking. If you’re free on Friday, would you like to re-do our first date? Meet you at the same place, bring me another flower…”
Sonny knitted his eyebrows together. “Seriously?”
You nodded. “You’ve said at least twice that you screwed up that date, and even if I don’t agree with your definition of ‘screw up,’ I’m happy to do a do-over. You wear the same outfit, I’ll wear the same dress.” You turned and looked around the bullpen to make sure it was still empty except for the two of you. “But maybe I’ll wear something different underneath,” you murmured and raised what you hoped was a suggestive eyebrow.
Sonny groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Doll, I can’t handle anymore cold showers,” he said. “You can’t say stuff like that to me at work.”
You stood up straight and shook a finger at him in pretend remonstration, but you loved how flushed he got at the merest hint of dirty talk. “Pull yourself together, detective. And meet me on Friday, same time and same place.”
-----
True to your word, you wore the same fit-and-flare dress, dressing it down with the same white Keds. And underneath, a set of lingerie that walked the slender line between sweet and sexy, in rosy pink. You’d never admit it to Sonny because it would only embarrass him, but it matched the color he turned when he blushed.
True to his word, he turned up in the same clothes, and you each ordered the same dishes and recreated to the best of your memories your conversation. After you ate, Sonny led you outside, placing the same gentle hand on the middle of your back to lead you out. And he asked if you wanted gelato.
Since you were fixing mistakes in Sonny’s dating past, you placed your gelato order and waited. When he started to order pistachio, you placed a silencing hand on his arm and tried to stop him.
“Pistachio?” you asked in a teasing lilt. “Who orders that flavor other than old people?”
“I like it,” he replied only a little defensive.
“Sonny, I love you, but pistachio?” you asked again. “Seriously? There’s so many better options…” You gestured at the menu board with its myriad of choices.
He made a strange face at you, and you worried that your teasing had hit a sore spot, but he turned after a beat and ordered mango instead. The two of you went to the same park and sat on the swings while you ate in companionable silence, and instead of asking about Nick, Sonny just ate his gelato thoughtfully and didn’t say a word.
When you were both finished, he gave you the same line about walking him home, and you threaded your arm through his and walked the few blocks to his place. When you saw the bakery, you simply said that their pastries were amazing and thanked him again for bringing them to you nearly every morning.
And instead of asking him to drive you home, you asked him to take you to his home. And he did.
Once you were inside his apartment, he suddenly seemed nervous, fidgeting with his keys before he sat them down on a small table in his entryway. Then he ran his hands through his hair, over and over in a motion that looked nearly obsessive.
You reached out and took his hands in yours, stilling them. “Hey,” you said softly. “We don’t have to do anything.”
He gazed at you with his bright blue eyes before responding. “Did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
He coughed a bit and his ears turned pink, and you smirked a bit to see it. “What you said at the gelato shop,” he clarified. “Did you mean it?”
You furrowed your eyebrows. “Well, pistachio was my grandpa’s favorite flavor…”
He cut you off with an impatient grumble in his throat. “No, the other thing you said.”
You thought back, trying to remember what you’d said. Then it hit you. “I said I love you.” You looked at him, saw the hope and the dread written plainly across his face in equal measure. “Oh, Sonny…”
“It’s okay if you don’t mean it,” he rushed in. “I mean…”
You rocked up onto your sneakered toes and kissed him, cutting off his words. When you pulled away, you smiled up at him. “I think I’ll just have to be prepared to kiss you every time I think you’re about to say something you’ll regret.” Then the smile slipped off your face and you turned serious.
You reached up with both hands and placed them on either side of his face so that he couldn’t turn away from you. “Sonny, I do love you. You’re a very easy person to love, though.” He scoffed at you, so you kissed him again, relishing the feel of his soft lips against yours.
You could have listed out all the reasons you loved him. You could have added more, but Sonny kissed you back, more urgently. It was one of the most difficult things you’d ever done – delaying intimacy with Sonny – but you wanted to make sure he was absolutely certain that he wasn’t a rebound. You broke the kiss to tell him as much.
“I want you to know that I want you for you,” you said seriously. Your hands, still on his face, shifted to the back of his head until they were tangled in his hair. “You are not just a convenient hook-up.”
“I know, doll,” he whispered back, but you still saw a shadow of doubt in his blue eyes, and you sighed.
“You don’t believe me,” you said as a statement of fact, and Sonny shook his head but you knew you were right. “I’ll have to show you then.”
You took his hand and led him to the back of his apartment until you found his bedroom. You pulled him into the room and shut the door behind him. You took his hand, still clasped in yours, and raised it to your mouth. You pressed a chaste kiss to the back of his hand, and then told him, “I love your hands, Sonny. I love the way they feel when they’re touching me.”
He narrowed his eyes at you like he was trying to figure out if you were teasing him, so you continued. You helped him remove his blazer. You reached up with slightly shaking fingers and unbuttoned his checked shirt, then pushed it off of his shoulders too. Then you untucked the hem of his undershirt, glancing up in permission and noting his slight nod. He helped you pull it over his head, and it tousled his hair even more.
“I love your heart, Sonny.” You pressed your palm over where his heart was thudding, strong and steady. “I love how much care and concern you have for the victims you work with, and I love how kind and thoughtful you are.”
You looked up and saw him blushing deeply, but he looked oddly pleased at the praise. You always guessed he had a praise-kink, and it looked like you were right.
You drew you hand over his chest, brushing against his nipples. He drew a hitching breath as you did. “I’m only so-so on your nipples,” you joked. “Average, at best.”
He let out a surprised peal of laughter, and you giggled with him. You pushed him gently towards his bed until he sat down. You pulled off his shoes and socks and examined his feet. “Feet are nice,” you told him with a grin. “I could love these.”
“They’re pretty good on the dance floor,” he replied, and you crawled on top of him until you were straddling him. His hands hesitated, then came to rest lightly on your hips.
“You going to take me dancing, Sonny?” He nodded eagerly, and you shook your head. “Make sure it’s to music with a beat. No free-form jazz.”
He laughed again. You sat up on him, holding yourself up a bit so that you were lightly settled over the bulge growing underneath you. You reached down with a hand and ghosted it over his face, drifting from feature to feature.
“I love your eyes – how blue they are and how I can read your emotions in them.” He closed his eyes as you drifted a finger over his lids, gentle as a night breeze.
“I love your cheeks and ears, and how flushed you get when you’re embarrassed or happy.” He opened his eyes again as you touched his sharp cheekbones and then tugged on the lobe of one of his ears.
“I do not,” he said, defensive.
“No?” You leaned forward a bit, bringing your face closer to his so that you could stare into his eyes. “So if I told you that I want you to fuck me senseless, nothing would happen?”
Three things happened: you felt Sonny harden even further against you, and you heard him groan as his face turned bright red. You dipped your head and kissed him gently, working your lips against him and enjoying the groans you were drawing from him.
You broke away. “I love your mouth, by the way. I love how it gets you in trouble and how it gets you out of trouble.”
“Do you prefer any particular way it gets me out of trouble?” he said, and his accent was notably thicker. You ran a finger over his pink lower lip.
“I’d love for you to surprise me, Dominick,” and you noted how his blue eyes darkened at your use of his first name.
You ran your hands through his hair, mussing it even further. “I love your hair, too. But more than that, I love what’s underneath it. I love how smart you are, how funny.”
You ground yourself on him lightly the whole while, and he bucked his hips involuntarily against you. “Anything else?” he asked, his voice husky.
“Hmm,” you pretended to think. You hoisted yourself off of him, and you unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. He looked down at you through hooded lids, and you noted the hitched quality of his breathing. He raised his hips up enough for you to pull off his jeans, leaving him in only his tented boxer briefs.
“You need to catch up, doll,” he said in a strangled voice, so you kicked off your Keds and pulled your dress over your head, revealing the lingerie you’d bought for Sonny.
It had its intended effect. Sonny sat up and reached for you, placing his hands on your hips before sliding them around to cup your ass. He pulled you closer to him and buried his face against your bare stomach. You could feel his pillowy lips pressed to you, his hot breath…you drew your hand through the hair on the back of his head and tugged him away until his blue eyes were gazing up at you.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, and coming from his mouth, it was the first time you believed it. You let him pull you into his lap, straddling him again, and he moved his mouth to the mounds of your breasts, pushed up to obscene heights by the pink lace and wire of your bra.
You scratched his scalp and pulled his hair lightly as he kissed your breasts: pressing gentle kisses along the exposed skin at the top, then kissing harder through the lace until he was sucking against first one nipple, then the other. The wet lace and the pressure from his mouth made them grow hard, and he bit them lightly, pressing the edges of his teeth against them until you moaned at the faint sting of pain. Then he soothed them with his mouth again until you moaned louder.
“Sonny,” you said. “I had a whole thing worked out, and you’re distracting me…” You bit off the last sentence with a groan as he reached up with one hand to pull the cup of your bra down. He moved his head lightning fast, and his warm mouth was on you again. His tongue worked against your nipple, and your hips ground against him.
“I thought you liked my mouth,” he mumbled, and the vibration from his words sent another shard of desire straight to your core.
“I love your mouth,” you replied. “There’s just other parts of you I still haven’t met yet.” You rolled your hips against him so that he was crystal-clear on your meaning, and he responded by swiveling you around on the bed. You scooted up until your head rested on a pillow, and he stretched himself alongside you.
He kissed your urgently, and his lips worked against your mouth until your lips were parted. He slid his tongue into you, licking against your mouth, and you pressed your own tongue against him. His hands roamed your body without clear meaning, cupping your breasts and thumbing your nipples before they stuttered their way down to your panties. He cupped your mound there and groaned when he felt how wet you were through the fabric.
He rubbed you through the lace, his finger slipping along your slit. “What’s this, doll?” he whispered.
“It’s all for you, Dominick,” you panted against him. Hearing his name spurred him on, and he toyed with the hem of your panties before slipping a finger underneath to resume his stroking.
You’d waited so long for him, and you were afraid you weren’t going to last very long. You could already feel an orgasm approaching.
“Please, Sonny,” you begged him. You should hate how whiny you sounded, but you were beyond care at this point. All you could focus on was Sonny – his swollen pink lips, his mussed hair, his fingers dipping into you and teasing you.
He obliged by pulling his hand away altogether, and he sat up and removed his boxer briefs. He reached into his bedside table and found a condom. You unhooked your bra and slid out of your panties while he tore open the foil and rolled the condom on himself, and you felt your mouth go dry when he turned back to you.
His blue eyes were dark with desire, and he crawled over you and lowered his weight onto you, pressing you into his mattress. He leaned down and kissed you again, full of passion, his tongue plunging into your mouth as he swallowed your moans. His cock was a heavy weight pressed against your hip, and you opened your legs to him. He broke the kiss at this and gazed down at you.
“You sure, doll? You sure you want to do this?”
You reached up and stroked his flushed face. “I’m sure I want you, Sonny. I love you.”
He groaned at this and reached down to line himself up with your entrance. “Say it again,” he pleaded, so you told him, over and over as he slid himself into you slowly. Once he was buried to the hilt, he shuddered, but then he kissed you firmly and replied, “I love you too.”
He set a languid pace, unhurried as he pulled out partway and paused before sliding back into your slippery depths. He kissed you as he fucked you gently, and you whimpered at the sensation of being filled by him in both your core and your mouth. He only broke away to catch his breath and pause in his thrusts, and you knew he was trying to make it last for both of you.
You were less patient. You’d been running in a state of perpetual horniness from all of your dates with him, and the pleasant tension in your belly was almost unbearable. You drew one leg up and wrapped it around his waist, changing the angle just a bit. Sonny didn’t get the hint – or ignored it – and continued his unhurried thrusts.
“Sonny…” you whined against his mouth. “Please.”
He huffed against you. “I don’t want this to end,” he breathed.
You laughed, a bit breathless. “Sonny, when it ends, we can always go again.”
He pretended to think about it. “Sold,” he said. He picked up the pace a bit then, thrusting into you with more force. You could feel him dragging along your entrance, delivering a delicious bit of friction to your swollen nub.
“Just like that,” you exhaled into his ear. “You feel so good, Dominick.”
He groaned at the praise and went a bit faster and harder, and you spurred him on with your words and your moans, and before you knew it, the tension in your belly snapped in an explosion of white stars behind your eyelids, and you raised off the bed to arch against him.
“Fuck, Sonny,” you wailed, and his thrusts grew irregular and hard as he chased his own orgasm and fucked you through yours. Your legs trembled underneath him, and you felt your core clenching him as waves of pleasure crashed through you. He shouted your name and came too, shuddering against you before he collapsed on top of you. He buried his head against your neck, and you felt his panting breath start to steady after a time.
He raised his head to kiss you gently, then he gazed into your eyes. “I love you,” he said solemnly, so you repeated it back to him just as serious.
Sonny pulled out then, and he disappeared for a moment to clean up and dispose of the condom. When he returned, you had already turned down the bed and was tucked into his cool sheets. He slid in beside you, and you laid your head on his chest and listened to his solid heart beating underneath you.
“You ready to go again?” you asked playfully, and he chuckled underneath you.
“It might take me a minute. I’m not as young as I used to be.”
You propped yourself up on an arm and peered down at him. “You mean to tell me that the man who drank Mountain Dew and played Rampage on one of our dates is an old man?”
“I didn’t say I was old,” he scoffed. “I just said I wasn’t young.”
“Middle aged then.”
“No….”
“Due for a midlife crisis,” you cut off.
“No, I…”
“Gonna buy a pony car, find a secretary to seduce…”
He responded with a growl, flipping you onto your back and kissing you to silence you. He worked his mouth against you until you were breathless, and you felt him hardening against your hip. He broke away and you smirked up at him.
“That didn’t take long,” you noted.
“You have that effect on me,” he replied, but he smiled down at you with a strange expression on his face, and he pushed an errant strand of hair out of your face. “You do know I love you though, right? I’m not just in this for the, uh, physical stuff.”
“The sex?” You smiled to see him blush; he would probably always be an altar boy at heart. “I know that, Sonny.” You reached down and stroked him, savoring the feel of him stiffening in your hand. “And I love you too.”
You pushed him onto his back and then crawled on top of him until you were straddling him. “Let me show you how much I love you.” And you did, that night – and every night after. Not always physically, but you always made sure you told him – and showed him – how much you loved him. And he did the same for you.
#sonny carisi#sonny carisi x reader#sonny carisi imagine#law and order svu#law and order svu fanfiction#tropes and tales
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detention (part 1) [hook x female reader]
you get a detention and your least favorite person decides to join you. female reader.
warnings: angst, bullying, gossip, middle school trauma, shootings, manipulation, nudes, swearing, suicide, intimidation, bad puns, revoked privilege
this is slightly based on personal experiences and my own schools stupid attendance policy ♡
For the third time this week, you left the house too late. For the second time this week, your car wouldn't start. And for the first time this week, you received a detention.
What a stupid policy.
You'd think school would be the one place where being late is forgiven. People would be kind and empathetic towards you and understand that there are millions of factors going into being in class before 8AM, most of which are out of your control. Right?
Wrong.
Well, surely you'd only have to make up the five minutes of class that'd you have missed? It's not a big deal.
Also, wrong.
Fifty minutes for every tardy after the two "freebies" as they had called it. So there you were, sitting in detention. Detention started at 3:35. If you were late, they sent you home, and you had to serve a second one. You made sure you were there by 3:33, at the latest. There were a few people already there. You sat a table by yourself. Two to a table, please. There came in a few more kids after you. It was a busy day for detention.
"Julia?" The teacher, Mr. Regal, called.
"Here," she said.
"Brittany?"
"Here,"
"Adam?"
"Here,"
"Max?"
"Here,"
"Tyler?"
"Here,"
"Y/N?"
"Here,"
That's when you stopped listening to roll-call.
The aforementioned Tyler sat next to you. Not because he wanted to, but because it was the last open seat available, and he walked in last. Tyler was basically the embodiment of everything a dad wanted his son to be. Young, handsome, athletic, seemingly well-mannered. But to you, he was everything but well-mannered. He was nothing except a cold-hearted devil.
Even though you've been going to the same school your entire life, it'd been hard to make friends. The closed off community you had been forced to surround yourself with was filled with nothing but elitists.
(a/n: see what i did there? imso funny hahaha please laugh)
Your first run-in with Tyler was in first grade. He sat at your table. He took scissors to your hair. When the teacher came over, it looked like you were the one who did it. He never said sorry and was mean to you for the rest of the year. You got your scissor privileges taken away. His friends joined in on teasing you sometime during second grade.
After fourth grade, they stopped being mean to you in your face and spread rumors instead. It earned you a visit to the principals office with police officers waiting for you. A list had been found by a "concerned student" and was brought to the schools attention. The student said he believed it to be you. Except, the handwriting looked nothing like yours. It was messy and gross. Kindergartener-like. You thanked Ms. Aubrey for bringing it up during your visit. You were let go.
Eventually, the teasing and school shooter rumors turned into notes in lockers. Notes with lines of daring you to kill yourself and condemning you to hell. You never reported them. You didn't bother. You had other things to worry about, anyway. Better things, like the spelling bee. You won the spelling bee in 6th grade. Tyler was the other finalist. It felt really, really good. You smiled at him when you won. He just squinted his eyes at you, trying to intimadate you. But nothing could intimidate a world-class champion, such as yourself.
He didn't start bothering you again until the end of 8th grade. He asked you for pictures. You told him no. He still told everybody you sent them to him anyway. You were deemed "too slutty" for anyone to want to be friends with you after that. That was the consensus all the way up until now. Junior year.
Now you were sitting across from the one person who had made your life a living hell for the past 10 years. You didn't even know why. You've never done anything to him. Did he resent you for something? Or was he just trying to entertain himself with the shy kid with a different sense of style? Maybe it was none of the above.
Thoughts like this crossed your mind as you pretended to read a book. You looked at the clock. It was only 3:45. You looked at Tyler. He was already looking at you. You gave him a weird look and went back to fake reading. He slid you a note.
"why u reading that?" it said.
You quietly opened your pencil pouch so as not to draw attention to the highly punishable note-passing. Mr. Regal enforced rules by the book, and you did not want to spend another day here wasting your time. You could hear a pen drop in that room. Any sort of noise would mean certain death.
"i found it in the library," you wrote back.
Tyler was writing some sort of response until a hand snatched the paper away. You looked up with a hint of fear in your eyes.
"Passing notes?" Mr. Regal exclaimed. "You two know better. Especially as juniors. That's another detention for you both!"
If looks could kill, Mr. Regal would be dead on the floor. You had incredibly important napping plans for tomorrow. Tyler probably had lacrosse practice or something sporty like that. You and Tyler looked at each other, but you quickly went back to pretend reading. It was only 3:50 at that point. Could time go by any slower?
You actually started to find yourself interested in the book you were reading, and you quickly got lost in its world. But that was cut short when Mr. Regal said everyone could go. It was 4:25 by then.
You were walking to your car when you heard a voice call behind you.
"Hey!" it said.
You looked behind you.
Here we go.
"What, Tyler?"
"I just wanted to say that's my favorite book you were reading," he said with a slight smirk.
You rolled your eyes.
"Whatever," you said.
You began to continue your walk to the back of the parking lot. You didn't like to park next to others.
He followed you to your car. You checked your phone and the time read 4:32.
"What?" you said, annoyed.
Your back was to your driver-side door. He put his hands on either side of you.
"I just think it's impressive someone like you could read such profound literature," he said sarcastically.
"Shut the fuck up, Tyler. It's literally your fault we have to go back to detention tomorrow," you said.
"You didn't have to answer back," he said.
"You didn't have to talk to me in the first place," you snapped back.
"I wanted to talk to you," he answered.
"I didn't," you said while crossing your arms.
"I think you're a liar," he whispered.
"I think you should eat a dick, bitch," you said aggressively.
The tension was ever-rising between the two of you. Years and years of hate between you both had finally come to its peak. All the while, he had you pinned beneath him, and you had nowhere to go. Your faces were only inches apart. His eyes locked into yours. After a few seconds, you looked away. You'd die if anyone saw you like that with Tyler of all people. Luckily, no one did. He didn't seem to really care. He sighed and walked away.
You got into your car and went home.
The time was 4:56 when you got to your room.
You took a nap, which you didn't wake up from until 6:45 the next morning.
School went by really fast that day. And when you got to the detention room, luckily it wasn't Mr. Regal. It was the principal, Mr. Khan. He was nice and understanding, but a lot of times, he let things fly under the radar. He seemed to only punish people for small things - like being late and note passing.
Unluckily, it was just you and Tyler that day. He sat across from you again.
this got too long so part 2 will b out soon ♡
#wwe#pro wrestling#aew#aew wrestling#fanfiction#hook aew#aew dynamite#hook x reader#hook imagine#hookhausen#tyler senerchia#hook imagines#hook#angst#bullying#school au#spelling bee champ!#middle school#possibly eventual smut?
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What makes a Jesuit boys’ school so entertaining is the irreverence in the face of certain damnation. There were adult authority figures, some imbued with the ability to forgive Mortal Sin, telling us we were going to Hell if we didn’t take our morality seriously. In response, we laughed and cracked jokes. We laughed so hard, in part, because the stakes were so high. If you could mock the Most Important Question, you could likely laugh off anything.
Humor was what opened me up to the idea that I didn’t share the values of the men teaching me to be a “good” person. Humor also taught me that I didn’t have to accept any of it.
The first time I heard shade thrown at the Theology department was during my freshman year when my favorite teacher sitting in a room in the fourth floor English department, in an entirely separate building from the Theology and History classrooms asked “what movie are they showing you over there this week?” It was true that for half the year, Theology teachers showed movies 40 minutes at a time to make important philosophical points. They screened The Matrix, Life is Beautiful (watched in tandem with our reading of Man’s Search for Meaning), and, my personal favorite The Shawshank Redemption which they showed to us in the summer before 9th grade to let us know what Jesuit school would resemble: something close to surviving solitary confinement. If you had music in your mind, you might make it out. I don’t doubt the efficacy of showing these movies to us to teach moral lessons. It was a better strategy than trying to force teenagers to read. I had never heard anyone mock the department, though, especially not another teacher.
To be clear, this scrutiny, at least of the lay teachers in the Theology department was justified. They fed us one-sided anti-intellectual drivel that had almost nothing to do with Catholic Dogma. Instead of learning about a biblical text, we spent hours listening to a guy tell us evolution was “just a theory,” that being gay was a choice, and that abortion was wrong in any instance (whatever your personal beliefs, understand that it’s kind of hard to hear both sides of that argument at an all-male school where the adult men were the authority on ethics). Then they showed us clips from Fox News of Terri Schiavo and told us the “correct” Christian response to the news.
One day, again in my freshman year when I was scared to question anything because of an inordinate fear that I could be thrown out of school at any moment, our Theology teacher pressed play on The Emperor’s Club (a 2002 Kevin Kline movie about a boy’s prep school that served in our teacher’s mind as some ethic antithesis to the more beloved (and frankly more entertaining) Dead Poets Society). A student in the back row raised his hand, and our teacher paused the movie. We sat in the dark room and rolled our eyes. Make this quick, buddy. We’ve got a movie to watch here!
“Jeff?” our teacher said, lifting his eyebrows.
“Yes, I was wondering about the prayer we read before class today,” Jeff said. He was a senior, a bit portly which was only noticeable because many kids did not bother buying new dress shirts every year. Once the stress of school forced you to eat your feelings four years in a row, you wound up with a gut putting pressure on your old shirts’ buttons. “It says in the prayer…” Jeff continued, “that Jesus descended into Hell. What’s that about?”
“Well,” our teacher said, looking excited to finally talk about religion instead of answering some weird kid’s question about the ethics of having sex with aliens should they ever land on Earth, “according to scripture, we know the gates of Heaven were closed for a time, so when Jesus died he descended into hell first to free other righteous souls…”
“Yeah, a quick follow-up on that,” Jeff said, sounding interested, “does anyone believe this shit?”
The cackles that erupted in the room nearly overwhelmed our teacher’s angry tirade. Jeff was sent to the Vice Principal’s office to await his judgment. It hadn’t occurred to me until that moment you were allowed not only to question those teaching us about religion but you were allowed to reject the faith altogether.
From there, every argument began to collapse, mostly through funny moments:
A teacher tried to tell us IVF was wrong because “you have to jerk off into a cup. It’s not right.” One kid announced: “I’ve done weirder!” Guffaws. Cheers.
Another teacher claimed gay sex was always wrong because the sex itself was not ‘open to creating human life,’ to which a brave gay student volunteered “Oh, I’m open to it. I’ll keep trying and let you know if there’s a miracle.” Applause.
When a teacher said video games could be considered a sin if they distract you from work, someone, half-asleep in the front row, let out a loud “Ah, shut up!” that made us all giggle.
My fellow students weren’t playing the game, arguing with the teacher on his terms, using logic. They were dismissing the arguments flippantly, and no adult could reply unless they were funny themselves.
Read the rest here.
#funny#lit#lol#writing#dan wilbur#essays#essay#long post#long reads#atheist#atheism#religion#catholic#catholic school#literature#humor#better book titles#books#reading#memoir
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[tasm!peter x nameless she/her character]
Summary: Unrequited love, heartbreak, and fear of the unknown. Every relationship can be seen through two different sets of eyes. Peter has his own memories of his best friend, his own story to share, and his own mistakes to make. (10K words)
[The parallel fic to Dancing On My Own, please read that one first as this heavily weaves through the original story, some parts towards the end might not make complete sense without it]
Warnings: Gwen’s death is a key part of Peter’s later personality, angst, depression, losing of one’s sense of self, mild PTSD flashbacks, guilt and self hatred, familial physical and verbal abuse of a minor, descriptions of potentially disturbing rough sex scenes bordering on the line between abuse and consent at the hands of Peter, brief murderous intent of a woman during sex
[Dancing On My Own Spotify Playlist]
Second Grade: Over the Bar
There was something so enticing about the way she would throw her head back on the swings. Her hair would flow out behind her and catch in the wind. She would lean her entire body back with her legs out straight. Her eyes would close and her face would relax into a blissful serenity. She was flying. He knew that’s what she imagined inside her mind whenever she got on the swings. Flying away from everything that shackled her to the real world. Once she told him that when she got high enough, she was going to let go, and soar all the way to Norway to visit the trolls that lived there. He wasn’t sure if trolls were real or imaginary but she believed in them so that meant Peter did too. She always loved her fantasy stories and he never got tired of listening to her talk about them.
Peter was afraid of her flying off without him. He didn’t want her to leave him behind so he climbed onto the adjacent swing. He backed up and tried to match his swinging pace with hers. He longed to be right by her side as she flew but, every time, they’d fall out of sync with each other. Peter could never keep up. She was too fast. Already higher than he was.
“Do you think I can swing around the bar?” She asked him. Her eyes opened and she gave him a lopsided smile every time their swings passed each other. Her two front teeth were missing. He thought it was funny because they hadn’t even been wiggly the day before they fell out. She told him that the tooth fairy stole them straight out of her mouth in the middle of the night. He didn’t think that was very fair. He always had to be stuck with an annoying, wiggly tooth for days before it came out. Hers got to come out by magic overnight. Apparently teeth coming out by magic also made her top lip get all swollen and bruised. It looked like it might hurt but she never complained.
Peter nodded his head, admiring her toothless smile, “Of course! You can do anything.” It was true. He really believed she could do anything she wanted. He held her in such high regards. His best friend. His only friend.
“Okay! Let’s try it.”
They both pumped their legs a little harder and moved their bodies in motion with the swings to get up as high as they could. Peter could feel the flurry of nerves in his stomach the higher he got. The slack in the chain would loosen at a certain height and gravity would pull him back down again. His knuckles were white with the death grip he had on the chains, so afraid that if he let go he’d fall and hurt himself. Meanwhile, she continued to toss her head back and laugh with a wild abandon. This is where she felt the most free and this was where he fell in love.
She never made it over the bar.
Fourth Grade: The Broken Princess
It had been a week since she was in school. Peter missed her. He’d wander aimlessly around the playground at recess, kicking stones, and making up conversations in his head that he’d have with her. Sometimes he’d forget they were supposed to stay in his head and he’d find himself talking out loud to no one. The other kids would mock him whenever they caught him mouthing the words to an imaginary conversation. Nerdy Peter Parker and his girlfriend were always the butt of their jokes. They sneered at the word “girlfriend” as if that was a bad thing. He’d have to control his anger when he heard them laughing. It was okay if they were laughing at him but he hated when they made fun of her. He had promised Aunt May and Uncle Ben that he wouldn’t get into any more fights. It was becoming a hard promise to keep.
She was notorious for being absent from school but she’d never been out this long. He wondered what kind of sickness she had. She must be dying. That was the only explanation he could think of. She would die just like his parents had and he’d be all alone again. He decided that after school, he was going to go to her house to check. He’d never been inside her apartment building. She’d always come to play at his if they hung out. Uncle Ben had dropped her off at home before so Peter knew where it was. It shouldn’t be too hard to get there. He’d have to learn how to use the subway by himself eventually. This afternoon would be as good a time as any. He’d done it with Ben hundreds of times, he could figure it out on his own.
By the time school was over, Peter had already rushed through his homework and burst through his front door, tossing his bag on the ground and shouting for May.
She poked her head out of the kitchen and gave him a warm smile, “How was school?”
“I already did my homework!” He was out of breath from running all the way home. “Can I go out to play? I want to go to the skate park.” That was a lie. He didn’t like lying but sometimes it was necessary.
May gave a little shrug and nodded, “I don’t see why not. I trust that you actually finished all your homework and aren’t lying to me?”
He eagerly nodded.
She gave him a doubtful look but let it slide, “Be home by 6, that’s when your uncle gets off work. We’re having meatball subs for dinner.”
“Thank you! Love you! Bye!” He sprinted towards the front door.
“Peter!” She called after him.
He skidded to a stop and poked his head back around the corner into the kitchen, “What?”
May pointed her finger to his brand new skateboard sitting propped up against the living room couch, “Aren’t you forgetting something important for the skate park?”
His face flushed crimson, already having forgotten his cover story, “Oh ya. Can’t do much without that.”
“And bring a helmet, for heaven's sake. If I catch you riding that death trap without one, you will be in big trouble!”
-
Peter stood in front of her old, rundown apartment building. Her neighborhood scared him. It felt different when he was walking alone instead of sitting in the back of Uncle Ben’s car. He had kept his head down, the helmet dangling from his arm, and clutched his skateboard close to his chest. He was terrified of someone trying to steal it from him. The second he stepped out of the subway, he started to regret coming here. If Ben found out he lied to May about where he was going, Peter would be grounded for the rest of his life. Worse than that, he would have disappointed them. He never wanted to disappoint anyone.
The front door to the building was propped open with a cinder block so he didn’t have to ring her unit to get inside. There was a hole shattered through the glass that resembled too similarly to a bullet hole for his liking. Peter shivered at the thought of his friend living here. This was not the fairy tale castle she liked to pretend she lived in.
Peter quietly entered inside, his heart beating faster, like he was stepping into someplace he wasn’t allowed. The yellowed wallpaper was peeling off the walls and there were dark stains over the carpet. He didn’t want to inspect those too closely in case they were old blood stains. The air smelled thick with mildew. First floor, apartment 1F, he repeated in his head. Her wooden door was cracked with splinters. It looked like it had been painted a shade of a deep red once but was now faded and scuffed. He gave a quick knock, hoping it would be her who answered.
It took a few moments before a man opened the door. He towered over Peter, taking up most of the door frame. He had a large, hairy pot belly that stuck out from under his wife beater shirt and a scraggly brown beard peppered with grays. Peter scrunched up his nose at the smell that hit him. He smelled heavily of cigarettes, sweat, and alcohol. The scent was so strong it was making his eyes water. He was fairly certain this must be her father. He couldn’t remember if she ever told him her dad’s name.
“What do you want?” He spoke in a gruff, tired voice.
Peter straightened up and smiled at him to cover his anxious fear, “Hi, I’m Peter. Can I come in to see your daughter? I’m her best friend. She hasn’t been at school for a while so I thought I could give her some homework that she missed.” The lie fell out of his mouth without thinking. He had nothing else on him besides his skateboard and helmet. It was obvious he wasn’t carrying any extra homework with him.
Her father snorted, letting out a loud cough without covering his mouth. Specs of foul smelling spit showered down over Peter. He did his best not to flinch or grimace.
“Hell no. She knows she’s not allowed to hang out with boys. Don’t want her getting knocked up early like her momma. She don’t need no homework, anyway. She’s too dumb for that shit. What’s the point of even sendin’ her to school, ya know? Waste of damn time. Git outta ‘ere kid and don’t fucking come back.”
From under the man’s right arm, Peter saw her peek her head around the hallway to see who was at the door. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. On her arm was a large, bent, white cast that went from her wrist all the way up to her shoulder. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. She was alive. She wasn’t dead. Relief flooded through his chest.
Her father must have seen his attention diverted and he glanced behind him, letting out a booming yell, making them both jump, “Get back to your room! I didn’t say you could come out! When are you goin’ to learn to fuckin’ listen, you dumb bitch?”
She ducked back into the hallway, out of sight, and the door was immediately slammed shut in Peter’s face. He stared at the cracking paint as a long breath of air exhaled through his lips. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath the entire time. Something about her dad made his palms feel clammy and his stomach feel sick. He immediately hated that man. All it took was a fifty second conversation for Peter to make up his mind. That man wasn’t anything like Uncle Ben or the vague memories of his own father. That was a bad man. No one had to tell him, he could feel it. A very bad man.
He wanted to run home and cry to his uncle. He wanted to tell him about how this man spoke to his friend. He wanted to tell him that he was hurting her. He wanted Ben to know so he could fix it.
But then he would know that Peter lied to May. He would be in trouble.
What if Uncle Ben came to this house? What if he met her father? What would her father do to him? What if he hurt him like he hurt her? What if he killed him? He didn’t want Ben to die.
His stomach ached.
She liked to make up stories about the big, bad giant that would keep the princess hostage in his tower. He would lock her up and throw away the key. Sometimes the giant would hurt the princess whenever he was angry. Peter would always play as the knight who came and rescued her. He would save the princess from any giant that wanted to take her away. This afternoon, as he stood staring at her closed door, the skateboard clutched in his hands turned into a sword. He would bash down the door, stab the giant through the heart, and steal his princess back to safety. In his mind, he was the hero who saved her. In reality, he swallowed the lump in his throat, a heavy pit settling in his stomach, and he shuffled back out the door without another word about what he witnessed.
He was starting to think that maybe her stories weren’t all make believe after all.
Sixth Grade: Star Gazing
“That’s the Big Dipper right there!” She pointed up above them.
They were sitting in his driveway on the hood of Uncle Ben's mustard colored Oldsmobile and reclining back against his bug splattered windshield. Night had fallen around them and a handful of dull stars blossomed up to speckle the navy blue sky.
“Or maybe it’s the Little Dipper. I can never remember which one is which.”
Peter didn’t think there were actually enough stars visible to be able to point out a constellation but he didn’t dare correct her. For all he knew, her vision was far superior to his. Besides, he liked to hear her talk. She doesn't talk very much these days. He missed the sound of her voice.
“The Big Dipper isn’t even the full constellation,” she went on to tell him. “It’s actually part of Ursa Major, which is a big bear.”
He noticed her interest in the stars had peeked this year. He wondered if it had anything to do with her desire to fly away. When she looked up in the night sky, did she wish to find a new home hidden amongst the stars?
Peter wanted to please her. He wanted to make her happy.
“I have an idea,” he whispered with enthusiasm, hoping she would appreciate it. “Let’s each pick a star and name it after ourselves. We can make our own constellations out of it.”
He heard her give a quick inhale. It was the most excitement she would allow herself to show but he knew it meant that she loved his idea. Pride swelled in his chest.
“I choose that one,” she pointed, without hesitation, up to a pin prick of light hovering above a tree branch. There weren’t many stars to choose from but it didn’t matter. She found the one she wanted. “That’s my star. It’s the tip of the nose to a dragon. Big and strong. She blows fire out of her mouth at anyone who tries to mess with her. She’s not afraid of anything or anyone.”
Peter had the sudden itch to reach over and hold her hand. The tip of his pinky finger brushed up next to hers, subtle enough to seem like an accident, but he knew the truth. When she didn’t pull away, he kept his hand resting there.
“I’ll pick that one,” he gestured to a random, faint star near the one she chose, with the hand not begging to be held. “It will make a castle constellation. Big enough for the dragon to come inside whenever she needs to rest. Maybe it can be her home. That way me and you can live together in the stars forever.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw her smile.
“I like that idea.”
Seventh Grade: Cotton Candy Crushes
“Hurry up!” Peter yelled over his shoulder as she trailed behind him.
Her thirteenth birthday was supposed to be special. She was finally a teenager and leaving childhood behind. At least, that’s what Uncle Ben told him a month before on Peter’s own thirteenth birthday. It was supposed to be special because it meant they were finally growing up. He didn’t feel very grown up but he liked to pretend. Part of pretending to be a responsible teenager was planning her entire party for her. He knew if he didn’t do it then she wouldn’t get one. Both his aunt and uncle were in attendance as he led the three stragglers down the pier straight towards Coney Island. It was a small group to celebrate but he knew she wouldn’t want anyone else beside them there. His family was her family and everyone wanted to celebrate her. They didn’t have any other friends anyway.
“We’re coming, Peter! Not everyone has the same amount of energy as you. Some of us are getting old,” Ben chuckled, his arm wrapped around May’s shoulders, as they brought up the rear.
Peter slowed his pace only long enough to allow her to catch up and then kept in stride beside her. She had a growth spurt earlier this year. Now she was about a head taller than he was. It made him nervous because he was afraid she wouldn’t like him anymore if he stayed short. Despite his aunt’s assurance that girls often started puberty faster than boys, he was certain he was destined to stay at this height forever.
He also took notice that she started growing in other places. He tried his best not to stare at her chest when they were together but sometimes he couldn’t help it. It was like he would go into a trance and not be able to pull his eyes away. Even with a face full of acne, she was the most beautiful girl he ever saw.
She glanced down at him and stuffed her hands deeper into her sweatshirt sleeves. Her shoulders hunched in embarrassment.
“What? Is there something on my face?” She quickly rubbed her hand over her mouth as if she was worried she missed some leftover tooth paste.
Peter’s ears turned red, “No! You look great! I mean…you look fine…not fine but you look…normal…like you normally do…which is good…”
She grabbed her hood and flopped it over her head, pulling the strings tight to encase her face, clearly embarrassed, “Stop looking at me then. I didn’t say you could look at me.”
He immediately turned his eyes straight ahead, “Sorry. I wasn’t looking. Well, I was, but I don’t know why.” He quickly changed the subject, dragging Ben into the awkward conversation as an attempt to save himself from drowning any further. “Are you going to go on any rides, Uncle Ben?”
He smiled, “I think I might convince your aunt to get on the carousel with me. We can pretend we’re kids again.”
May shook her head, “I don’t know about that. I don’t think I can spin like I used to.”
“It goes so slow though. You’ll be fine,” Peter chimed in. As he spoke, he kept his friend locked in the side of his gaze. Her shoulders had relaxed once more and the sides of her lips twitched into a tiny smile. He let out a soft sigh of relief for navigating them out of whatever weird, uncomfortable banter they had fallen to. He felt like that was happening a lot more lately.
“Let’s go on the swings first!” It was the real reason he wanted to bring her here. Her childhood days of losing herself on the swingset were behind them but he knew she would appreciate that feeling of flying once more. He had this vision of her tilting her head back, hair flying in the gust of the wind behind her, as she closed her eyes and let her mind fly free. Peter wanted to give her every bit of comfort he could, especially today. It was her birthday and she deserved to get lost in it.
Swings, carousels, tilt-a-whirl, wooden coasters, overpriced carnival games, junk food, and many laughs.
His heart even nearly gave out when she reached for his hand during the drop of the coaster. Her palms were sweaty and she fit so nicely locked in his grasp. He wanted to protect her. Wrap an arm around her. Keep her forever. Tell her how much he adored her. He held on tightly to her hand until she took notice and quickly pulled back, placing them on the bar instead.
Now, as they sat with their shoes off and feet buried in the sand next to the pier, watching the sunset, Peter passed her his stick of pink, fluffy cotton candy. She plucked off a piece and stuffed it in her mouth, giggling at how it stuck to her lips.
He loved her. He didn’t care if he was too young to understand what love meant. He loved her.
When she took her eyes off the sunset to stare back at him, instead of becoming flustered like earlier in the day, she only smiled back. Pink coated, sugary lips as sweet as her.
He wanted to kiss her.
But the fear of rejection was too strong.
He stuck out his tongue to tease her and snatched back his cotton candy, the moment lost to time.
High School - Sophomore Year: Not Today
Gwen Stacey.
The girl of his dreams.
She was beautiful, intelligent, kind and quick witted. Her 70’s chic style of clothing was unlike anyone else in the school. She didn’t care what others thought of her. She was strong and confident. She was perfect. That’s how he would describe her to anyone who asked. Perfection.
“You’re staring again, dumbass.”
The familiar snarky tone broke through his daydreams.
He pulled his sights away from the golden haired beauty sitting across the lunch room and turned them onto a different one instead.
Then there was her.
She wasn’t perfect. Far from it. She was broken. Sullen. Quiet. She never spoke to anyone else besides him. Never even tried to make other friends. But she was just as intelligent as Gwen. Smart but sad. He noticed that more and more. As the years went on, she lost more of the spark in her eyes. She retreated further into herself. Away from him. Away from everyone.
He sensed jealousy in her tone whenever he talked about his crush on Gwen. She was afraid to lose him. Afraid that he would leave her behind on her own. Without him, she would have no one. He knew that.
Peter forced a tired smile, lying, “I wasn’t staring.”
He used to stare at her that way when they were younger. Funny how time works. He didn’t see her like that anymore. Not really. Her personality shift since entering high school helped push his sights onto someone new. He missed who used to be before she walled herself in and blocked him out.
“Whatever you say, fuckin’ lover boy,” she rolled her eyes, giving him a scowl. She felt meaner than usual today. Irritated. On edge.
He wondered if something had happened. He had stopped asking about her home life years ago. It was a lost cause. He knew she was getting bullied at school, probably at home too. There were a myriad of reasons for her bad attitude.
He chose not to dig deeper.
She needed an outlet but he didn’t want to give her one. Not today. He was feeling meaner than usual, too.
Peter turned his gaze back to Gwen.
She was easier to look at. Softer. Happier. When he saw her, he didn’t have to see the years worth of baggage dragging behind her. There was just her and nothing else but his fantasies.
Perfection.
High School - Junior Year: Spider Bite
His body hurt.
Fire. He felt like liquid lava raged through his veins. His skin was clammy. Sweaty. His lungs constricted in agony with each breath. He could hear everything. Feel everything. Every hair was standing at attention. Every alarm in his head set off at once, alerting himself to dangers he couldn’t even see. Dangers he didn’t think were actually even there. Like having a panic attack for no apparent reason.
His body was eating him alive and, yet, he never felt stronger in his life.
The door to his bathroom lay propped up against his wall after he had accidentally ripped it from the hinges.
He sat perfectly still on his bed. Terrified to move.
There was a fluttering sound. Tiny, soft wings against a glass panel. Each smack of the wings reverberated like church bells inside his skull. A moth was stuck inside his room, trying to get out, trying to escape. He could hear it from his place on the bed. He could hear the flap of a moth’s wings. That was not normal.
Something was wrong.
He was sick.
He needed…a doctor…a scientist…an arachnologist…
His best friend. He needed his best friend.
Peter grabbed his jacket, getting it stuck to his fingers - why was everything so sticky? - as he tried to pry it from his grasp and onto his body instead.
He hadn’t been inside her apartment building since he was a kid. She never invited him. Sometimes he would walk her home but he stayed on the street corner until he saw her disappear inside. She moved apartments a few times but still remained inside the same building. He couldn’t remember which one she was in now. He knew she was back on the first floor though. That would be enough. Something told him that he would be able to find her regardless of his lack of knowledge.
Every sound of passing cars felt like his ear drums were being shattered. He could hear muffled conversations from people too far away. He could feel every drop of humidity on his skin. The putrid stench of garbage left on the street clawed up his nostrils. The smells, the sounds, the heat boiling inside his body was too much. Hot tears pricked at his eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. The world was closing in. He couldn’t breathe. His throat constricted. His vision blurred. He was floating away. Getting lost in the overwhelming sensations of the city.
Then he smelled it.
Her body lotion.
The faint smell of coconut as she applied it to her skin.
From an entire block away.
Peter picked up the pace until he was nearly sprinting towards the smell. He didn’t need to know which apartment was hers. It didn’t matter. He could hear her inside. Her steady heart beat. Her soft breaths. He’d never felt her so viscerally before. It felt like she was merging with his every cell. Drawing him closer. Calling him to her.
His safety. Everything would be okay once he was with her. Everything would make sense again. She would know what to do. She always did.
The tears streamed freely down his face as he turned the corner, down the alley, to the back of her building. She was three windows in. Metal bars fixed over every window on the first floor. Her own little prison cell. He could smell the thick odor of rust as he grabbed the bars in his fist, ripping them straight from her window with little effort. He heard her gasp. No screams. Just a shocked inhale. She never screamed. Never showed her fear. She kept it bottled up inside the safety of her chest.
The rapid quiver of her beating heart slowed when she saw his face appear through the grimy glass. Her eyes were wide with shock. Confusion. He didn’t care. Peter pushed the window open. It had probably never been opened in its life, painted over countless times, but he forced it to bend to his will. He crawled through. Head first. Tumbled onto the floor in a heap.
And then she was there.
He was lying at her feet. Curled up tight. Tears spilling down his flushed cheeks. Jittery uncertainty behind fearful, honey colored eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. A scared, little boy seeking the comfort of a life long friend.
She fell to her knees in front of him, ignoring the fact that he had just ripped metal bars from the bricks, and gathered him to her chest like a mother protecting her young. She didn’t need to know what was wrong. She didn’t need an explanation. All she knew was that he needed her. She held him tightly, there on the floor, under her broken window.
He relaxed into the safety of her grasp. Ragged, husky sobs shaking his body. It would be okay. Everything would be okay now. They could figure this out. Whatever this was. Together.
Even as he thought it, she whispered the words to reassure him. To make sure he knew.
“It’s okay, Pete. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re okay. I have you.”
A Week Before She Left: Nothing but Death
Gwen Stacy was dead.
George Stacy was dead.
Uncle Ben was dead.
He couldn’t save anyone. There was nothing. Nothing but grief. Nothing but hate. His heart had turned cold. Empty. Shriveled.
He looked down at the letter clutched in his hands. May had taken it from her as an act of courtesy and slid it under his bedroom door.
Pete,
You can find me at the Empire State Uni off campus apartment housing. Building 5. Room 212. I’ve got two roommates but I have my own bedroom.
My window will always be unlocked for you if you ever need me.
Come find me when you’re ready.
Love,
Your Fire Breathing Dragon
She kept knocking at his front door. Day after day. Kept trying to come inside. Kept trying to get him. He wouldn’t let her. Couldn’t. He refused to let anyone else die.
He was no knight in shining armor riding into an imaginary battle with his dragon. He wasn’t someone who could save her. He wasn’t her friend. Not anymore. The boy she knew was gone.
He was a murderer. A killer.
He wouldn’t kill her. The best thing for her was for him to disappear. Erase himself from her life. Fade away in the darkness where he belonged.
He crumbled the letter in his fist, letting it fall to the floor by his feet, along with the shredded dreams of his future.
Eight Months Since She Left: A Decaying Corpse
How many slutty blondes could Peter Parker fuck in a single week?
Eleven. That was his current score. Last night he had two at once. He buried his face between one’s thighs while the other sucked him off. No one tasted as good as Gwen. No one looked as beautiful naked. No one could ever come close.
Except for maybe one.
Peter pushed that thought out of his brain as quickly as it entered. She was gone. They both were. She died along with Gwen. That’s how he tried to frame it in his head. Somehow it was easier to accept. If he killed her off in his heart then he wouldn’t be tempted to find her. He couldn’t follow the dead.
No matter how badly he tried.
These women he surrounded himself with were nothing but a distraction. Half the time he couldn’t even finish. He could fuck them until they couldn’t stand but rarely found his own satisfaction in it. That was how he liked it. The more rough they let him be, the better. A sadistic side to him had formed these past few months. Part of him wanted to hurt them. Truly hurt them. They meant nothing to him. He liked to see how far he could push them, how hard he could slap them, how loud he could make them shriek before it became too much for them to handle. He wanted to push them past the limits they thought they had to show them how much they could really take. A test of their strength, of their will to live, how far they could go before tapping out.
Once he choked a woman so tightly, he almost couldn’t stop. For a moment he wanted to feel his fingernails break through the barrier of her delicate skin and sink into the viscera of her insides. He wanted to tear her vocal chords from her neck. He wanted to feel her blood soaking into his skin. He wanted to kill her. She didn’t deserve to live. Why did she get to live while Gwen had to die? What did she do to deserve this life?
It had taken everything in him to pull back. Before she could even fully catch her breath again, he was gone. Naked. Lost into the night. Didn’t even stop to grab his clothes.
He didn’t know the person he had become.
He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t sleeping.
He had killed more bad guys this month than the month before. His body count was rapidly rising. It didn't matter what they did. Rapists, killers, and bank robbers were all the same in his eyes. No crime was less than the one before. They all got the finality of death. He didn’t care. The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man no longer existed. He died along with the old Peter. If the police thought he was a menace before, he was now actively wanted. A warrant was out for the arrest of the Spider-Man. Had been for some time. They would never catch him, of course. He’d snatch their life from them before he let anyone take him in. It wouldn’t be the first time he had a cop’s blood on his hands.
A vigilante turned villain.
A decaying corpse of the man he once was.
Nine Months Since She Left: We’re All Dead
“Where the hell have you been?”
May sat in the dark at the kitchen table. It was 3am. She was still awake. She usually never waited up for him anymore. He thought she had stopped asking questions months ago.
Peter stood in loose fitting, dirty clothes. Fresh blood dripped down his chin from his split open lip. His right eye was starting to swell shut. He refused to look at her as he gave a half-hearted shrug.
“Out.”
“Out? It is three in the goddamn morning, Peter!” Her voice was shrill. She was masking her fear for him with anger. “This is the fifth time this week you have disappeared like this. Do you understand how worried I get? You come crawling home every night covered in more bruises than I keep track of. Where are you going? What are you doing? Who is doing this to you?”
He swallowed. His throat felt dry. He wished he could feel the familiar pang of guilt he used to feel whenever he would upset May. Instead, he felt nothing because there was nothing. He was nothing. A corpse.
“I said I was out. I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to wait up. I can take care of myself.”
He pushed past her towards the stairs, making the climb to his bedroom. She followed closely behind him.
“You think you can take care of yourself? Look at you, Peter! You are wasting away into nothing! I can’t find you behind your eyes anymore. It’s like there is nothing left inside of you. You need help. Let me help you, please. I can’t keep sitting around watching you slowly kill yourself. I can’t lose you, too. You are my boy and I refuse to let you continue down this path.”
An angry beast raged inside his chest as he stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to growl in her face, “I am not your boy! I am not your son! My parents are dead with the rest of everyone else I ever gave a shit about! Ben is dead. Gwen is dead. You’re dead.” His eyes fell to an old picture of his friend hanging on his bedroom wall. They were kids. Smiling with arms wrapped each other’s necks. “She’s dead. I’m dead. Everyone is dead, May. Don’t you understand? Everyone is dead and there’s nothing left. I have no one! I am nothing. I don’t exist.” His bottom lip quivered but no tears formed. He had lost the ability to cry long ago.
Her face broke in anguish, “Oh, honey.” Her voice was nothing more than a hushed whisper. “Oh, Peter.” She tried to wrap him up in an embrace but he pulled back.
He shook his head, looking at her through pained, dead eyes, “I think it would be best if I moved out.”
He closed the door in her face before she could reply.
-
“Peter?”
He didn’t remember coming here.
After his run in with May, he had started emptying out his drawers. He hadn’t known what he was looking for. Probably nothing. He just needed to be doing something. Anything. He had thrown his dresser drawers open and flung out his clothes. They lay scattered at his feet. Papers from his desk slowly fluttered back to the ground as he tossed them over his shoulder. A tantrum. That’s what he was reduced to. A tantrum where he needed to destroy everything he touched.
And then her crumbled letter was somehow in his hand. His last contact with her. He didn’t even know he had kept it.
You can find me at the Empire State Uni off campus apartment housing. Building 5. Room 212.
His safety. His best friend. He had abandoned her. She wasn’t dead, just forgotten. He had killed her in his mind to make the separation easier. He was protecting her. He was keeping her safe. He didn’t want her to die. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t bury another person he loved.
My window will always be unlocked for you if you ever need me.
“Peter?”
He blinked, his mask was on. He was in his Spider suit. He didn’t remember putting it on. He didn’t remember how he got here.
Come find me when you’re ready.
He reached up to pull the mask from his head. His eyes bore into her. He wasn’t sure if she was real or not. He couldn’t feel her living inside his senses like he used. They had become so dull since Gwen died.
“What are you doing here?” She looked nervous like she was encountering a ghost.
Maybe she was.
His voice felt like a distant echo in his ears as he spoke, “I didn’t know where else to go.”
Summer: Why?
Her roommates hated him.
He could hear them constantly bitching about his presence through the walls. He was a dark cloud of depression hanging over their apartment.
It only got worse after he fucked them. Not at the same time. Separate occasions. He thought it might shut them up for a bit but, once they found out he was sleeping with them both, all hell broke loose.
They were screaming at each in the next room.
Somehow she had gotten involved in the mess, too. He hadn’t intended for that but there was no stopping it now. They were yelling at her for letting him live here without paying rent. He didn’t even go to their school. They felt betrayed and used and they weren’t wrong. A man whore. That’s what they were currently calling him.
A malicious smile grew across his lips as he laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. He liked the chaos that he caused. He wanted her roommates gone. Peter knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted her for himself. All they did was complain anyway. They never liked her. They made fun of her behind her back. They didn’t like her anymore than they liked him.
Once they were gone it would all be okay again.
They could go back to how things used to be. Just the two of them against the world. Two kids, with no other friends, clinging to each other as tight as they could.
Her bedroom door opened. Her eyes were puffy. She was trying not to cry. For the first time in a long time, he felt the sharp slashing of guilt slice through his heart. An overwhelming sadness washed over him. It had been so long since he felt anything besides anger or bitterness. His jaw clenched as he sat up, mulling over the new emotions bubbling under his skin.
“Why did you do that? Why are you doing this?” She asked weakly.
Why am I taking advantage of your kindness by having you house me for free? Why am I letting you take care of me without giving you anything in return? Why am I sleeping with your roommates? Why am I sleeping with them instead of you? Why am I torturing you like this?
“I…I don’t know,” he replied.
He knew how she felt about him. He could see it in her eyes. He knew that look. He’d seen it in Gwen’s eyes once upon a time. She loved him. More than a friend. More than family.
Maybe she always had.
He’d always loved her. Even when he loved Gwen.
He couldn’t love her though. Not like she deserved. That part of him was gone.
She sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes, a steady resolve settling over her, “They’re pulling out of our student housing next semester. I’m not going to have anyone to live with. You need to enroll in the school. It’ll qualify you for housing. We can move in together. I want to see it done by next week or else I’m done. I can’t do this, Peter. I took care of you all summer. You hardly speak to me, you don’t look at me, you give me nothing. I do everything for you because I know you’re hurting but this is enough. Enroll in the school, Pete. Get your life together. Try and make something of yourself. It’s time.”
Early Fall: Triggers
School was easy. It always has been. This was no different. He understood the lessons and could pass the tests, he merely struggled to attend the classes or pay attention. No one seemed to mind too much as long as he was passing. He wasn’t doing this for him. He was doing it for her.
Little by little his feelings started to unthaw from their frozen state. College gave him a taste of normalcy back. There was a schedule to follow, whether he chose to or not. There was food always available and safe places to find silence when he needed to. He hadn’t spoken to May since he left but he kept telling himself one of these days he would reach out.
He was trying to mend what shred of friendship he had left. She was very forgiving of him despite everything he put her through. Every day he saw the love in her eyes grow stronger. It scared him. Two steps forward, one step back. He wanted to keep her close but still hold her at arm's length. She couldn’t love him. He wasn’t ready for that.
He would keep their conversations based on easier things. School work, Spider-Man, any lighthearted topics that involve little effort. Spider-Man was getting back to his old self, too. Peter hadn’t killed anyone since he found his way back to her, inadvertently or not. She was building new gadgets for him. Part of him felt like he was back in high school, popping by her bedroom window for a drink of water before swinging back into the night. It was nice. Familiar.
Tonight she sat cross-legged on the couch, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in her hand, as she watched Hook.
“I haven’t seen this movie since I was a kid,” he lamented.
Peter hopped over to her and plopped down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She happily snuggled into his side. It felt right having her there. She scooped up a spoonful of the chocolate chip cookie dough and held it up to his mouth which he gladly accepted.
“Do you ‘member what you asked the first time we met?” He asked her through his mouthful of ice cream.
She frowned, trying to remember. The top of her nose wrinkled in concentration then relaxed, shaking her head, “No idea. I was, like, six years old or something. How do you remember that?”
He smiled down at her, “You asked me if I was named after Peter Pan.”
“Sounds like something a child would ask. He was the only other Peter I knew.”
He nodded, pondering it over, “I told you that I wasn’t because I couldn’t fly.”
“Look at you now,” she laughed. “I think swinging through the city is the closest you’ll ever come to flying. You almost got there.”
His smile faded, only part of her words still ringing in his ears while the rest was drowned out. Look at him now. Look at him. Who was he? Nobody. Who did he want to be? Nothing. Why was he alive? Because he was too weak to take his own life. What was his purpose? There wasn’t one. What was he doing here? Hurting her.
He was hurting her. His abilities to feel proper emotions were still miniscule. They weren’t thawing out as fast as he would have liked. He was still cold too. Too mean. Too selfish. His mere presence in her life would only ever drag her down.
Rufio was fighting Captain Hook. Going one on one with their world’s most dangerous pirate. Too cocky for his own good. Too young for the responsibility he was given. The Lost Boys looked to Rufio when Pan left them. He was placed in charge. He was given too much power, too young. Got too full of himself. Thought he could defeat the evil without any consequences. It would be his downfall.
Peter’s eyes stayed trained onto the television, utterly absorbed in the story playing out before him. His own emotions started to spiral. He could feel the panic rising up his throat. Snuffing out his air. He knew what was coming next. He knew how this story ended.
“Lookie, lookie, I got Hookie.”
His eyes slipped close. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t watch the sword pierced through his chest.
“Do you know what I wish? I wish I had a dad like you.”
He wished he could turn back time. He wished he could have been faster. Stronger. Better.
Pan held Rufio in his arms as the young boy died, the life fading from his eyes, just like he had held Gwen. Forever young. Frozen in time.
Even the giant clock lodged between the crocodile’s toothy jaws reminded him of her final moments. Tick…tick…tick…her time was lost.
Peter blinked through half spaced out eyes, straightening up, and removed his arm from around her shoulders. They shouldn’t be cuddling like this. This was how couples sat. This was how he used to sit with Gwen. He was giving her the wrong impression. He wasn’t helping her. He was being a bad friend. Always hurting her.
“You okay?” She glanced between the scene playing and himself. She could sense his coldness settling back in around them.
He gave a stiff nod, forcing a half smile, “Yeah. I’m alright. I think I’m going to go out for a bit. I’ll see ya later, yeah?”
He needed to find someone. A blonde. Someone skinny with a pretty face. He needed to find them and dominate them. He needed them screaming so loud as he relentlessly pounded into them that she would hear. He had to show her that he wasn’t interested. He had to crush her love. That love would only lead to death. He couldn’t do that again. He wouldn’t bury her. He wouldn’t. Not to her. Never her.
Late Fall: A New Seed
It worked. Whatever depression fueled scheme he had come up with to stop her from loving him, it was working, he was fairly certain. She seemed distant. He knew he was breaking her but he couldn’t stop. It had to be this way. How could he ever love someone again? It would shatter him in two if he even dared to entertain the idea. The further he pushed her away, the more she overtook his thoughts.
Every time he plunged into a woman, he pretended it was her. Every late night session with his right hand was fueled by his desires for her. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep, she was the subject of his dreams. He breathed her in with every breath he took.
She was so beautiful.
She always had been but, the more she matured into an adult, the more in sync everything felt on her face. It was like she fell perfectly into place.
Sometimes when he looked at her, he felt like he was eight years olds again, falling in love with her on the swings.
The object of his desires. The one he wanted. The one he refused to reach out for time and time again. Only this time he wasn’t afraid of being rejected from a kiss. He was afraid of death. Afraid of the pain that would follow.
His whole life she had been his. She never had anyone else. He never had to share. He made her have to share him but never the other way around.
Until now.
It was only a matter of time until someone finally saw her the way he did. He was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. The guy seemed nice enough. She lit up when he looked at her. A tiny spark of fire blazed behind her eyes with each word she spoke to him. There was something there. A seed being planted. One that could grow if she let it. He planted a seed and started to nurture it with someone else once. She should be able to do the same.
Gabe.
Gwen.
This was what she deserved. To be loved by a nice man. Someone who would cherish her. Someone to see her potential. Someone to care about her.
Someone with the ability to love. Anyone but Peter would do, he couldn’t give her what she needed.
Then why couldn’t he stay away?
He saw them together and his heart screamed out. His skin seared with heated inferno. Green with envy.
Gabe. Gwen. Gwen. Gabe. Their faces flashed rapidly before his blurred vision. Gabe. Gwen. Gabe. Gwen. GabeGwenGabeGwenGwenGwen -
Her.
He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He couldn’t watch her disappear from him with another man. Is that how she felt all those years ago as he fixated on Gwen in the lunch room instead of her? Is this what her heart felt like when she looked at him? No wonder why she used to be so fucking mean. If her heart felt anything close to what he currently felt, it was a miracle she was able to keep herself so composed.
Drawn to her like a magnet, he couldn’t control himself. He had to follow them. It wasn’t an option. His feet carried him straight to the shadows of the underpass.
Gabe didn’t know her like he did. He didn’t play make believe with her. He didn’t pass notes with her in class. He didn’t devote his life to being her best friend. He didn’t know about her father or how she grew up. He never had to kill her off in his mind to even bear the thought of letting her go. They never manifested themselves into constellations so they could live together, forever, amongst the stars.
He wasn’t there like Peter was. Peter knew her. Every part of her. So deeply.
They were kissing. He was kissing her. She was kissing him back.
The earth crumbled under his feet.
He should be able to let her go. This was what he was trying to do. This was exactly why he was trying to push her away. This was his stupid plan. He had wanted her to move on. Anyone but him. Anyone…
Then why couldn’t he stop himself?
Like a jealous, angry, cocky boy given too much power before he was ready to fully bear the weight of it, he had tased her date and got him sent away in an ambulance.
Just like that he was gone.
Disappeared from their lives as quickly as he came in.
Nothing but the two of them now.
Like it always had been. Like it always will be.
She was furious. Livid. But, worst of all, she was heartbroken. Completely and wholly heartbroken.
“He made me feel special. He looked at me like I was beautiful. Why couldn’t you let me have that? Just once. Just once I wanted to feel like someone could love me. You gotta have that so why couldn’t I?”
She was beautiful even through her pain.
The city lights reflected off the water beside them and bounced back up onto her face. They glinted like tiny sparkles off the tears in her eyes.
He hurt her.
He broke her heart.
His best friend.
His only friend.
Peter closed his eyes, letting her words wash over him and absorb into his pores. She had never once felt beautiful before tonight. How he had failed her. All these years she had looked in the mirror and never saw what he did. All these years he had loved her and never dared to say it. She was right there in front of him and he had chosen someone else. Loved someone else. He was the one who broke her. The one who abandoned her. The one who exploited her generosity and friendship.
What had he become?
He let himself die with Gwen when he should have kept living for the person who needed him most.
“I love you,” the words he spoke were hardly above a whisper.
They fell from his lips with a raw honesty he wasn’t used to. Pained like it hurt to physically say them.
He loved her. Always.
Even still, she couldn’t comprehend how true his words were. That’s how deeply he had failed her.
“No. You’re not hearing me.” He reached for her then. He couldn’t stop himself. The emotions were too strong. He touched her cheek. Softly turning her face towards him, “I love you. I’ve loved you since the day you fell off those monkey bars in the first grade. I just…it was just too much. I was scared if it didn’t work out then I would lose you from my life forever. I’d rather keep you as my friend where you’re safe with me forever. But after Gw-” He still couldn’t say her name out loud. His heart stung. “-after everything, I don’t want to have anymore what ifs or what could have been. I saw you with that guy and it made me realize. Everything snapped into place. I love you. I don't want you to be with someone else. I want you to be with me.”
She was kissing him.
Her lips were chilly. Soft. Her tongue warm and wet. A perfect blend to awake his senses. He felt alive. For the first time since allowing parts of him to perish, he was reborn. Awake. Whole.
His arms were around her waist. Drawing her closer. He could smell the soft, lingering scent of coconut on her skin. The smell was as familiar to him as May’s light, floral perfume and the musty backseat of Ben’s Oldsmobile. One he could never forget. His home. His childhood. His everything.
He loved her.
He wanted her.
He…
Gwen’s face exploded into vibrant color behind his eyes.
…couldn’t do this.
Peter gently pulled away.
Her fist was balled up in her sleeve and pressed against the infamous spider symbol on his chest. Her eyes fluttered open. They gazed up at him with years of unexpressed love. She was too pure. Too good.
He gave her a sad smile, “I’ve thought you were beautiful my entire life. I’m sorry I never told you sooner. I should have told you every single day. But…this…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I’m a broken man. I’m not okay. I’m not done healing. I don’t even think I’ve started. What I did tonight proves that. You are the most special person in my life. I’m sorry I keep hurting you. My head, it's…it’s not right…after everything…I’ve done terrible things. Things you deserve to know about before you choose me. I can’t steal you away like this. You deserve to make the choice yourself. After you know everything. When I’m done, whatever you want, I’ll do it. If you want me to drop you off at the hospital to see Gabe, I’ll do it. If you want to never see me again, I’ll go. If you want to keep me, I’ll stay. Everything is in your hands. It’s where it belongs.”
She stayed silent. Listening. Processing.
And nodded.
-
There’s no good way to tell the person he loves about all the people he’s killed. It didn’t matter if they were bad guys, he was no better than them, he killed them quick and swift before the cops could arrive. There had been no more cute notes stuck to a webbed up, squirming criminal. Instead, all they’d arrive to was a bloody, broken, still warm corpse. If they were dead, there was no chance they could ever hurt anyone again. There was no more chance of anyone innocent crossing paths with the danger they brought. He gave them no chance for redemption and he felt no guilt for them or their lost lives.
He couldn’t look her in the eyes when talking about the sexual abuse he inflicted on his sex partners. Most of the time they asked for it, agreed to it, but there were times when he went too far. Times they weren’t always asking to be slapped around that hard. Times he had lost himself. Times he wished they were dead. For them, he felt guilt. A deep-seated cavern full of it. He’d rather be ripped apart, limb by limb, than explain in detail how far he fell after Gwen’s death and witness the horror etched into her features.
But he did it.
Because she deserved to hear it. All of it. Every dark monster lurking deep behind his closet door. He ripped open his chest and presented her his bloodied, broken heart without anything to hide behind.
She cried. He cried. The tears felt foreign in his eyes but she had held his hand and he willed them to fall. It was a mess but they came out the other end more in sync than when they entered.
A start.
A new seed being planted in fresh, overturned soil.
The love was there. Nervous and shy, hiding behind their legs like a scared child. It needed time to grow, to blossom, before it was ready to stand on its own.
It was decided that Peter needed to focus on himself first. A relationship now would be too fragile. There was no foundation for them to build on if Peter was broken and cracked.
The anger couldn’t go away overnight. The shame and guilt lived on too strong to allow for much else. He’d have to pick away at the vines wrapped tight around his castle walls if he’d ever want to create a warm home for her to curl up inside.
Their conversation lasted all night. They hadn’t moved from their spot standing above the river. He stood directly over the place he had tased a man simply because he saw her kissing someone who wasn’t him. They hadn’t moved an inch. Night turned into day. Dark to light. The early morning work folk started to take to the streets. No one looked twice at the maskless Spider-Man leaning against the railing, dried tears on his face, next to the girl of his dreams. It was too early for anyone to care.
They watched the sun steadily rise over the buildings in silence.
They had been silent for a while now but neither one wanted to move. It was comfortable here, side by side, with everything laid bare. No more secrets. No more hiding.
“Therapy.”
She was the one to break first.
He blinked a few times to wash away the sleepy, mindless state he’d fallen into, “Hmm?”
“Therapy,” she repeated. “That’s what I chose for us. You are going to get therapy. Me too. We need it.” She let out a soft exhale. “Badly.”
Peter responded with a tired chuckle, “Therapy. I think I can manage that. Therapy, it is, then. That’s what we will do.”
She nodded in confirmation, “I want you to keep living with me. Keep our separate rooms. I want to keep being friends and supporting each other while we do this. But, Peter-” Her tone shifted into something more serious, her body shifted to face him. “I do not want to ever listen to you have sex with someone inside our apartment. I won’t ever sit through that again. I love you, you know that, and I will not be tortured with that shit anymore. In return, I won’t date anyone else until you’re ready. Not that I have a line of suitors waiting out the door anyway…”
The morning, golden sun highlighted the frizz that settled on top of her windblown hair after her stressful night.
He wasn’t ever planning on sleeping with anyone again unless it was her.
“And,” she continued. “I want you to visit Gabe with me to give him a proper apology. We both owe him that. He’s a good person. He deserves an explanation. Just, like, leave out the part where you’re Spider-Man and I created the Bug Zappers that nearly killed him.”
A lazy, crooked smile formed on his face, “Okay. Anything you say, I’ll do. Therapy, apologies, and abstinence.”
She mimicked his smile, the love never once fading from her eyes, “Only for now.”
One day, he would be able to give her everything she wanted. One day, she would be able to accept it.
One day but not today.
Today, they would walk arm and arm back to their home and fall asleep against each other on the couch. Today, they would skip classes and order in food. Today, they will be friends.
Tomorrow, they could be whatever they wanted. Tomorrow, he might even continue with the apologies and give May a call. He’d gone too long without speaking to her. Maybe they could visit. All three of them together. Like older times. Times when everything seemed less big. Less scary. Less real and final.
The future was theirs.
Peter nodded, reaching out to take her hand, “For now.”
i’m still #teamgabe
✨IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS, PLEASE GIVE THIS A LIKE AND A REBLOG! ✨ YOUR COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED. ✨
Tag List (tagging some people who have left comments or reblogged the original, sorry if that was forever ago and you no longer care, just ignore me): @mrshipsmcgee @liz-allyn @sincericida
@andr3wgarfieldsupremacist @winterswonderland01
@inexpertaxsiempreI @peterparkers-webshooters @moonyslove78 @lucaheartsyou @showerbeerpaymentplan @inezwood26 @nolongereviliwantlove @favouritereadings
#the amazing spiderman#tasm#peter parker#andrew garfield#tasm peter parker#tasm peter#tasm x reader#tasm fic#tasm peter parker x reader#tasm peter parker fic#tasm peter x reader#tasm peter fic#spiderman#tasm fanfiction#peter parker fic#peter parker fanfiction#dancing on her own#blooming violets#blooming-violets#blooming violets fic
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E-DATERS! | #1 men hater
SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.
written chapter + screenshots below! (not proof read)
beomgyu had never felt this fearful in his life.
of course, he had his honorable mentions. such as when he accidentally sent a kid to the nurses office for pushing him off the swingset in the fourth grade, resulting in his mom taking away his computer for two weeks.
there had also been the time when he overslept and ended up missing his csat, fearing he wouldnt be able get into college. not that it mattered anyways considering he dropped out 3 months into his classes.
and most recently, when he had accidentally made fun of a streamer with almost 4 times the following he had, causing a terrible fan war over twitter with the hashtag #CANCELBEOMGYU trending for an entire week.
but yet none of them, could ever compare to the amount of fear that he had felt at this very moment.
because absolutely nothing could be worse than a plummeting ego and pure embarrassment to be the consequences of his actions, in which you managed to figure him out with not even a week that has passed.
as his body turned cold and his hands clammy at your follow up question, beomgyu mustered all the strength that he had in order to press the mute button on his keyboard, before letting out an ear piercing scream.
“how are we going to fix this?!” he cried out, burrowing his face in his hands.
“dont worry, this is fixable!” heeseung nervously laughed. “i can just make up some lame excuse and—“
“why did you mute?” your voice had interrupted, heeseung giving beomgyu an unsure glance before pressing the unmute button.
"sorry, my dog started to bark really loudly," heeseung replied, giving beomgyu the side eye. "miss me?"
beomgyu's mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared blankly at heeseung who held in his laughter at your stuttering protests.
"your solution is flirting with her?" beomgyu mouthed questionably, his lips molding into a grimace.
“just trust me” heeseung mouthed back, returning his attention back to you to attempt to get your mind off of the previous slip up.
however, beomgyu in fact did not trust him nor had any reason to considering it was him who had gotten in this situation. yet, he leaned against the backrest of his chair nervously knowing that there was nothing he could do. his mouth went dry as he sat thinking about every single possible scenario that could come out of this, hardly any of them with a good ending.
“i need to go to the restroom, ill be back!” you said, allowing beomgyu to sigh in relief. “but dont think that i forgot about how you knew about beomgyu.” following your sentence, the mute icon appeared next to your username, causing beomgyu to leap up in his chair to mute his mic as well.
“okay new plan, how about we gaslight her? we can say that she told me but she just forgot?” beomgyu brought up excitedly.
“do you remember what last happened when you gaslighted a girl? you almost got cancelled—“
“okay nevermind!” beomgyu grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “or how about we just say its a lucky guess? i mean i do have a pretty large following, it wouldnt be that hard to guess that!”
“beomgyu you cant expect her to believe that. your ideas are almost as stupid as the one that we are currently in!” heeseung replied in annoyance, turning his suggestion down almost instantly.
“fine!” beomgyu threw his hands in the air, running his fingers through the strands of his hair in frustration. “why dont we just admit that i am beomgyu, we reveal this whole entire plan, and—“
“you can not be backing out now!”
“well what else can i do?!”
“i dont know, something! youre thought she was easy to get with because shes obsessed with you!”
beomgyu paused for a second, an idea lighting up in his head as he heard the latter of heeseungs sentence. his fingers were working faster than his brain, as it automatically reached for his phone to press on the twitter application to search for your private account.
“you didn't tell me she was that obsessed,” heeseung said, peeking over beomgyus shoulder to take a quick glance at his phone, catching sight of the manifestations of 'marrying beomgyu' on your bio and your header. “you sure this isnt a fan account?”
“no, its definitely her.” beomgyu said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “new plan. we tell her we stalked her account!”
“can you imagine how humiliated she's going to feel?” heeseung replied, his mouth twisting into a frown. "i want to get out of this situation as much as you do, but the last thing i want to do is make her feel like crap for being a fan."
“oh please, it cant be that deep," beomgyu emphasized. "her being exposed would just leave her with embarrassment for at most, a week. but if I'm exposed? i cant let myself suffer like that!"
“man i really do hope that yeonjun kicks your—“
“im back!” you announced, causing heeseung and beomgyu to jump in their seats at the abrupt noise.
“oh hi!” heeseung beamed after unmuting himself, giving beomgyu one final glance before resuming. “also, i know this might be embarrassing, but I found out about beomgyu through your private twitter.”
“what was that?!” beomgyu whispered-yelled, his eyes wide in judgment. “you could have given her a chance to breathe instead of violating her right when she got back!”
"i was just following what you told me to say!" heeseung replied defensively.
"yeah, but not like that!"
as beomgyu and heeseung continued to argue amongst themselves, what they failed to catch was the sound of you leaving the call, snapping the both of them out of their heated conversation.
the two simultaneously glanced at both monitors, eyeing the leave message from the game, as well as the fact that you were no longer present in the call.
“did she just leave?”
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TAGLIST. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxgyu @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs @lovejunz @wccycc @enha-cafe @kaeslily @hiddenboopy @cashew00nut @merendis @reverbtunes @lcvesickgyuzz @dear-dreamie @fragmentationss @chuuinggummy @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @beomsbeanie @shigamiryuk @soobliss @woncheecks @sserafimez @ahnneyong @ghostfacefricker6969 @flrtsbin @beomomb @cathaerin (closed)
A/N. kind of a mid chapter but anyways beomgyu is a red flag smh
AND SORRY IF THERES SM WRITTEN CHAPTERS IM TRYING TO INCORPORATE MORE SOCIAL MEDIA 😭
#beomgyu fanfic#beomgyu imagines#beomgyu smau#beomgyu x reader#txt beomgyu#txt fanfic#txt imagines#txt smau#txt x reader#beomgyu#beomgyu scenarios#txt scenarios#txt oneshots#beomgyu oneshot#txt#beomgyu oneshots#tomorrow x together#tomorrow by together
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Title: The Way I Loved You
Summary: Stefan Salvatore has been dancing around his feelings for you, all that comes to a halt when he finds out you have a date with Matt Donovan.
Stefan and you always had a complicated relationship. You were friends but there were always some unspoken feelings between you two. You always thought he would make the first move but he never did. You had got it in your head that maybe Stefan just wasn't into you like you were him. So you decided to move on, lucky for you Matt was interested. He had asked you out on a date tonight, The two of you were gonna meet up at the grill. So here you were with your best friend Caroline at your house trying to pick out an outfit for your first date with Matt.
"What about this dress Care?" You asked her as you held up a blue one-shoulder runched-up dress.
"It's ugly, how about this one? This one is so cute! Plus it makes your boobs look great." Caroline said handing you a black dress that showed a lot of cleavage. She wasn't wrong the dress did make your boobs look good.
Grabbing the dress from her, you mumbled a quick thank you before going to try it on.
"Okay, how do I look for my date with Matt?"
"You look stunning! Matt won't be able to keep his eyes off you. Do you want me to drop you off? I don't mind, I'm passing by there."
"You mean" you paused, faux shock written all over your face before continuing "you aren't gonna hide behind the booth behind our table and make sure our first date goes well?"
"No! I'm not a meddler" your laughter cut her off.
"Caroline Forbes you are many things, and a meddler is one of them. Besides you are the one who pushed Matt to ask me out."
"Yeah, only because you were so upset about Stefan. Matt and you would make a great couple. He's nice, he's hot and I dated him so I know he's a good boyfriend."
You laughed at that. Caroline and matt went out for a short amount of time before she got with Tyler. Caroline and you had been friends since the fourth grade. You were always shy and it was hard to make friends but Caroline kinda annoyed you into a friendship. You were forever thankful for that.
"Okay, you are right. Matt's a good guy. To answer your question though, no I don't need a ride. But thank you for offering."
"What are friends for! Okay, my work here is done. I'm gonna go. I'm supposed to be meeting Elena to talk to the creepy professor Shane, who Bonnie is so entangled with."
"Okay, good luck! I'll text you the details about the date after carebear."
"You better!" She told you over her shoulder as she left.
A couple of minutes passed and you were gathering your things to put in your purse.
"Alright, Phone... Check. Wallet... checks. Keys.... Keys." You looked around the room before spotting them under the bed. You quickly grab them and put them in your purse. "Keys check."
You were interrupted by a knock on the door. Figuring it was just Caroline, you grabbed your purse before going over to the door and opening it.
"Did you forget something care?" You asked as you opened the door. The shock was written all over your face as you saw Stefan there with a bouquet of Roses in his hands.
"What.. what are you doing here? You aren't supposed to be here."
"I know, I just wanted to talk. These are for you" he told you holding out the flowers to you. You grabbed them.
"Come in. I have to get a vase for these."
He followed you inside as you started to search for a vase for the flowers.
"You look beautiful by the way."
You found a vase running it under the sink tab filling it with water and setting the flowers in it. You moved so your back was leaning against the sink.
"Why are you here Stefan? I have to leave soon. I have a date to get to."
"That's actually why I'm here." He told you moving closer so that he was now standing in front of you. You two were so close to each other. Even if he wasn't a vampire, he would still be able to hear your heart beating fast.
"Don't go on that date."
"Why?"
"You know why."
"Say it."
"Because Y/N, I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."
"You can't do this. Not now. I waited months for you to confess your feelings and right when I try to move on.... You tell me you love me? Stefan you just can't do that."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought I'll tell you before it's too late. Is it?" Stefan asked you. You knew it wasn't too late. All you wanted was for Stefan Salvatore to admit he loved you and here he was standing in front of in all his glory doing just that.
"You were terrified? Why?" You finally gather corsage to ask him. Your hands were starting to sweat a little.
"You're human Y/N. I didn't want to get you involved with all of this but I can no longer fight my feelings for you. I love you. But I understand if you want a normal human life. Matt would be good for you."
You made a decision. Yeah, maybe getting involved with a vampire as a human was dangerous but Bella swan did it and she turned out fine for the most part. You knew you loved Stefan and for you that was enough.
"I don't want Matt, Stefan. I want you! I don't need a normal human life to be satisfied. I just need you. I love you. If dealing with all this supernatural craziness means I get to be with you, that I get to love you, and be loved by you then I would gladly deal with it. Besides Normal is relative." You told him.
"I love you Y/N. Let me show you just how much."
He put his hands on both sides of you trapping you in his vicinity before leaning down to kiss you. Your hands wrapped around his neck as you deepened the kiss. You pulled back grabbing his hands and slowly moving towards the inside of your dress.
"y-you're not.... w-wearing anything under that are you?" Stefan asked you slightly pulling back.
"Nope, you want to take this upstairs?" The only answer you got in return was him picking you up and carrying you to the bedroom.
He set you down on the bed before ripping the dress off of you.
"Stefan! I loved that dress." You wined as he looked at you sheepishly.
"I'll buy you another just like it." He promised you as he started kissing your neck and grabbed one of your boobs flicking his finger with it. He started slowly kissing down your body as he stopped at your inner thigh. Sucking on it, leaving a hickey.
"This is all for you so just relax and let me take care of you." Stefan told you right before he buried his face in between your thighs. His tongue moved in a quick fashion. Swiping up and down. Your hands gripped the sheets as he continue your movements.
"Fuck, Stefan don't stop." He didn't, he went faster with his tongue as you could feel yourself about to cum.
Stefan pulled back slipping two fingers in you as he moved them and out. He started off slowly but as your breath hitched he picked up the pace.
"Stefan, baby I.. I'm about to cum."
"Cum for me sweetheart"
He went faster and harder with his fingers inside of you. You couldn't take it anymore and you came all over his fingers.
You slowly sat up and grabbed his putting his fingers in your mouth and releasing it with a pop looking him straight in the eye.
"That was amazing." You told as you let go of his hands to pull him into another kiss.
"Yes it was." he replied pulling back from the kiss.
Your phone ringing downstairs interrupted you both.
"Shit, Matt! Oh god, what am I gonna tell him."
"The truth. I'm sure he will understand."
You signed before nodding and standing up to grab some clothes so you can go downstairs and call him back.
Stefan grabbed your hand pulling you back down on the bed.
"I'm not done with you yet. You can call matt later."
You giggled as he started assaulting your neck with kisses.
(A/N I don't own anything but the plot. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it)
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Amongst The Stars
Amongst the Stars (The Final Version)
Pairing: Jake Kiszka and Female Reader
Summary: A coming of age story about Jake Kiszka’s first love.
This is a one year anniversary republication of Amongst the Stars. This version includes revisions, edits, new cover art, deleted scenes, extras, and an alternative ending.
Warnings: Mentions and scenes of teenage drinking, marijuana use, sex, sexual situations, sexual acts, oral sex (m. receiving), the word slut, slut shaming, lack of eating and sleeping, vomiting, self hate, mentions of pregnancy.
Word Count: 50k
October 2013, Senior Year of High School:
“Project time!” your English teacher chimed out to the class. Groans and sighs erupted throughout the room. You didn’t mind though. School was school. Besides, English was your best subject. You’d always been relatively smart and once you got the hang of it, analyzing literature came easy to you.
Your teacher explained the concept of the project and then continued with the instructions.
“I’ll make it easier for you guys, I’ll allow you to work in pairs.”
Everyone around the room started looking at each other. You exchanged looks with your best friend. You figured you’d work with her.
“But I’m choosing the pairs,” he said in a somewhat sinister tone.
The groans and sighs from the class continued. You kissed working with your friend goodbye.
He started off on his list of names.
“Jake Kiszka and,” he dragged out the “and” particularly long, “Y/N.”
You knew it.
Jake wasn’t exactly the best student and since you were, it was an obvious pairing. You couldn’t blame your teacher for putting you two together. You looked at your friend from across the room and gave her a little frown. She returned the same face to you.
You’ve known of Jake since you were little. Frankenmuth was a small town so everyone in your high school knew each other. Jake and his brother Josh were on your soccer team when you were seven. Josh was in your fourth grade class. You had a few classes with each of them here and there since middle school, but you never really cared too much about them. Josh was an absolute menace. He was a theater kid who did the morning announcements- pretty weird. Jake was always cooler, a little mysterious even. He had shaggy hair that perfectly covered his forehead and most of his eyes. You thought he was cute but you didn’t really have any reaction to having to work with him. It was what it was.
Class was dismissed and everyone was told to talk to their partners outside of class and have the project ready to present in exactly a week. You and Jake exchanged numbers and texted each other about when and where to meet. The two of you decided that you would go to his house to work on it.
A few days later, Saturday:
Your mom dropped you off at Jake’s house at around 2 and you texted Jake that you were there. You and Jake planned to knock out the entire project in one day. It wouldn’t take long and you knew what you were doing, even if he didn’t.
Jake opened the door and flashed you a smile as he greeted you. You walked into his house. It was cute. Very midwestern. Oak furniture was everywhere and pictures of his family lined the walls. You caught a glance at Jake’s school photos from throughout the years as well as his siblings’.
He led into their dining room, which was attached to the kitchen, and you saw his school supplies sprawled out on the table.
“I share a room with my brothers so it’s probably best to work here,” he began. “But you’ll be happy to know that I actually read the book. Well I read most of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked down. “The last couple chapters started to confuse me so I just looked up the ending online.”
You could tell he felt bad about not exactly knowing the ending of the book you had a project on. Kind of embarrassed even.
You let out a light laugh, “It’s okay, I made an outline of everything. I’ll explain it to you.”
He exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled.
You both sat down and got to work. You explained the parts he didn’t understand and as you did, he looked right into your eyes and nodded his head as he followed along with your words. Damn he was cute.
As you worked on the project, Jake showed that he understood and put in a lot of unexpected work and ideas. By the time you were done, it was a little after 4 o’clock and you were both satisfied with it. Your mom was set to pick you up closer to 5 so you had some extra time to spare.
“So, now that you taught me something, can I teach you something?” Jake asked, smiling at you secretively.
“Okay what did you have in mind?” You replied as you folded your arms and rested your elbows on the table.
“Follow me.”
He got up with you following behind him and stopped when he got to a door leading out of the kitchen. He looked back at you with his hand gripping the doorknob.
“I don’t know if you know this, but I play guitar. My brothers and I, we kind of have a set up in here. Don’t laugh, okay?” he looked up at you through his hair like a little kid who was about to tell a big secret.
You nodded your head as a silent promise that you wouldn’t laugh. He turned the knob and opened the door, biting his bottom lip nervously. His eyes watched you to see your reaction to his little secret.
It was a garage. But Jake’s family’s garage wasn’t an average garage. This garage was filled with music equipment. The concrete floor was covered in Persian rugs, wires, and extension cords. There were multiple amps, a drum kit, 2 keyboards in the corner, a bass, microphones on stands, and a red guitar that was propped up perfectly in the middle of it all.
The walls were lined with the usual snow shovels, rakes, and tools. There were storage containers and cardboard boxes stacked up in the corners with labels. There was also a couch, TV, and refrigerator too, like it was an extra room in the Kiszka home- an organized mess.
Your jaw dropped in awe. You had never seen anything like it before.
“Woah” you said as he let you walk in front of him. You looked around the room for a minute, silently taking it all in.
You looked back at him as he nervously looked at you, breathing shallow, and playing with the skin around his finger nails.
“Soooo, what do you think?” he finally asked.
“This is really cool. You guys have a band or something?”
“Yeah, kind of. Josh sings, Sam picked up bass last year and he does the piano sometimes. Sam’s friend Danny just started on drums with us- he’s good.”
He picked up the red guitar gently.
“But this. This is my baby. This is what I want to teach you.”
You reached out to touch it, it was smooth but cold from being in a not well heated garage in the middle of a Michigan October. He put his hand over yours as your fingers glided along the neck of the guitar and as he did, you sucked in a breath.
You could feel his eyes on you. You pulled your hand away from the contact and nervously put both your hands in your back pockets. You looked down at the ground as Jake put the guitar back on the stand and knelt down to open a black case.
“Now, before you can play that one, you have to get the basics down. At least that’s what my dad told me.”
He pulled out an acoustic guitar and sat down on the carpet with it in his lap; legs open, bent at the knees. He smiled and motioned with his head for you to sit down with him.
“C’mere you can hold it,” he said.
You sat down in between his legs and he lifted the guitar over your head and onto your lap. He scooted himself closer to you. You felt his warm chest against your back. He grabbed your wrists gently and placed the left one to wrap around the neck with a “One hand here,” and the right one on the side of the body with “and here.”
He placed his chin over your left shoulder, resting it there lightly. You could feel his breath on you. He smelled amazing, a little cologne smell. Not too strong. Just the right amount. Your heart started beating a little quicker as you felt the insides of his thighs lightly touch the outsides of yours.
He reached to the table next to him and grabbed a little black pick and put it between your fingers. Jake took your left hand and moved your fingers where he wanted them to be on the strings. He took your right hand in his hand and moved it with his to strum, letting the sound of a chord fill the room. You looked back at him, smiling.
“Pretty,” you said as you turned your neck around to look at him.
There was a pause before Jake spoke.
“Yeah. Pretty,” he said quietly with his soft raspy voice almost in a whisper, as his eyes darted all over your face.
You turned your head back around, fighting back a smile so that he wouldn’t see. Your heart was fluttering. You had instant butterflies in your stomach. Who would’ve thought Jake Kiszka of all people would be making you feel this way?
You had to admit, you’d always thought he was a little cute but he never seemed to have much going for him in life. Or so you thought.
Jake broke the silence after a few seconds by clearing his throat. “Um, okay so here’s another one.”
He moved your fingers on the neck a little bit to show you another chord.
He continued, “And these two you can go back and forth with easily when you get comfortable with them.”
He guided your fingers in place as you played the two chords. His right hand still held yours to guide the strumming. He let go gradually as he saw you were getting more comfortable with the placements.
He let out a little chuckle, “That’s it. You got it.”
His fingertips just lightly shadowed your hand, barely touching.
With his head resting on your shoulder, you looked back at him again but this time- your face only an inch away from his.
“You want to try on your own?” he asked.
You nodded and he scooted back to give you space to get up. You got up and sat back down across from him. Both of you sat criss-crossed. He placed his elbows on his knees and his hands formed fists under his chin. His guitar rested on your lap and you put your hands and fingers where he showed you. You strummed the first note and looked at him. He was fully smiling with his teeth, waiting for you to do the next one. You went for the second one but your fingers missed a placement, so the chord came out wrong. Both of you let out a little laugh at the wrong note.
“Um,” you said, trying to remember where to put your fingers.
He got up on his knees, moved toward you, and adjusted your fingers to put them in the right place.
“Try now,” he said, pulling his hands away but still kneeling in front of you.
You strummed and it came out perfect after his help.
“Beautiful,” he said.
You look up from the guitar to see him looking at you. His teeth tugged at his bottom lip. Your eyes darted from his eyes, to his lips. They were little but they looked soft. You saw Jake’s eyes dart around your face and stop at your lips for longer than normal.
He looked back at your eyes and asked, “Can I… Can I kiss you right now?”
His eyes turned soft and you could tell he was nervous by the way his breathing was hitching.
You nodded your head and started to lean into him. He did the same and closed the gap between the two of you. The kiss was slow and soft but over way too soon.
You both opened your eyes and pulled away, searching for something to say or do to make this less awkward. He looked down and smiled to himself and then he looked back at you.
“Um-“ he started to say.
“Do it again,” you whispered.
Jake breathed out and took your chin in his hand. He pushed it up just a little and connected again. This kiss was longer, but still as soft as the first one. You both began to deepen the kiss- going for more of each other. His lips were warm and wet. His lips moved perfectly with yours and sucked you in. He moved his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer.
All of a sudden the garage door swung open and your eyes met a younger boy standing in the doorway.
“Jake! Mom said dinner is rea- oh shit,” his eyes were wide and he started to close the door, leaving quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry!”
Jake breathed out heavily and pulled away from you. His face turned a shade of pink as his hands dropped to his sides.
“That’s my little brother, Sam,” he explained as he got up from the floor.
He reached for the guitar and you handed it to him. He put it back in the case and buckled it shut. Jake extended a hand and pulled you up to your feet.
“Sorry about him. I don’t think anyone really knows you’re here,” he said, tucking his lips into his mouth as his cheeks returned to their normal color.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asked, “my mom wouldn’t mind.”
You looked at your phone, “Thanks but it’s okay- it’s 5 o’clock. My mom will be here any minute.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Jake said as he started to lead you back inside the house.
As you entered the kitchen again, you saw the entire Kiszka family in the kitchen and dining room, all fixing and situating themselves for their family dinner.
“Uh you guys this is Y/N. We had a project for school,” Jake spoke, loudly, so they could all hear him over their conversations. They all stopped what they were doing to greet you. Josh waved at you, remembering you from his classes throughout the years.
“What kind of project?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively and smiling.
“Shut up,” Jake replied sternly as his eyes shot daggers at Sam, silently letting him know he shouldn’t elaborate.
“Do you want to stay for dinner, Sweetie?” his mom asked as she placed a bowl of pasta on the table.
“Thank you but my mom is here. Smells really good though!” you replied as you followed Jake towards the front door.
“Nice to meet you!” Sam called out and let out a cackle as Jake opened the front door and closed it behind the two of you.
It was dark outside, just past sunset. You saw your mom’s headlights in front of his house through the trees and bushes.
“So, I’ll see you at school then?” Jake asked as he rocked back and forth on his toes with his hands in his front pockets.
“Yeah, just don’t forget to bring the project file on Monday,” you said.
“I won’t. Thanks for helping me with it.”
“It’s not like I had a choice,” you laughed, “thanks for teaching me guitar.”
“Yeah,” he began, a slight smirk appeared on his face, “and I’ll talk to Sam. You know, tell him not to say anything.”
“It’s okay. It’ll happen to him one day.”
You both laughed and he pulled you in for a hug. The warmth of his body heated you up instantly. He pressed his lips to your cheek softly. You pulled back from the hug, looked at him, and smiled.
“See you Monday,” you said as you walked down the driveway.
He waited for you to get in the car before he headed back inside. He turned around and smiled to himself while also getting ready to kill Sam.
November 2013:
A month had passed since the kiss. You and Jake have talked a bit here and there- mostly through texts. You would pass each other in the hallways with smiles and waves. Whenever his name popped up on your phone screen, you got butterflies.
You liked him and you knew it. But you wouldn’t ever admit it. Besides, girls always liked Jake. You were probably nothing but a number to him.
You were working on homework one Friday night when you got a text from him.
5:47 pm: My parents and siblings just went out. Wanna come over?
Your heart skipped a beat. Every time he texted you, it was a casual, friendly message. But this seemed different. This seemed like an invitation for something else. It made you nervous.
5:50 pm: Sure :)
That was all you could even think to say. You didn’t want to question him or have any other potential reply come off weird. Sure, this whole thing with Jake made you nervous, but you were also excited.
5:50 pm: I can come pick you up if you want.
5:51 pm: Okay, see you soon.
You sent Jake your address and in 15 minutes, the headlights of a white Jeep shone through the darkness of the night.
You told your mom you were going out with a friend and she was surprisingly okay with that. You walked over to the car and he reached over to open the door from the inside.
“You have your license?” you asked as you hopped inside.
“No. But I have a permit and a pretty girl in the passenger seat right now so as long as you don’t tell, I won’t,” he said with a smirk on his face.
You bit your lip and you looked down at your hands in your lap as he started the drive back to his house.
As he reached the first red light, he looked over at you. You didn’t look back but you felt his eyes on you and you could see a small smile that he was trying to hold back appear on his lips out of the corner of your eye. You looked over at him and met his gaze. The stoplight illuminated his face and casted shadows over his nose and his tired, sunken in eyes. He was beautiful. His features were just a little more feminine than Josh’s, but also manly at the same time. He balanced the two perfectly.
“You look really nice tonight,” he said quietly.
You smiled at him and whispered, “Thanks.”
The light turned green and he turned his attention back to the road to continue driving. Occasionally, you caught him looking over to you to catch a glimpse.
“Well, you look nice all the time. But tonight especially,” he corrected himself.
Instantly you felt your stomach flip at his words. Something about him complimenting you brought you back to that moment in his garage last month. It was how his words were just a bit hesitant and how his voice was just above a whisper. It reminded you that you were in fact going back to his house with him now. Alone.
“You look really nice tonight, too,” you replied.
“I try,” he replied jokingly.
He moved his hand onto the center console and tapped his fingers to the song on the radio as he drove. You looked at his fingers tapping. The veins at the top of his hand protruded as his fingers moved.
You remembered the way his hand felt on top of yours while holding his guitar. His hands were rough and calloused from the guitar playing. But they were gentle at the same time. Again, perfectly balanced.
The sound of his voice speaking brought you out of the daydream you were having.
“Your Touch,” he said.
“Hm?”
“The song,” he said softly, “Your Touch, by The Black Keys.”
“Oh,” you replied as casually as possible, “You, uh, you like them?”
“Yeah,” he answered, “One of my favorites. You ever listen to ‘em?”
You shook your head.
“No?” He responded as he looked over at you and raised his eyebrows, “Hm. Good to know.”
He held back a smile and turned his attention back to the road.
You couldn’t begin to explain how or why but in that moment, something took over you. It was almost like Jake was a magnetic force, pulling you in.
You slid your hand on top of his softly and stopped his fingers from moving. You held his hand there for a moment, not really sure what to do next. He flipped his hand over so his palm was up and he wrapped his fingers around yours. He rubbed your hand with his thumb with his eyes glued to the road.
You smiled to yourself and tried to control your emotions. It was hard. Jake made it almost impossible. But Jake was easy to be with. Even though he made you excited and nervous, he was also very calming.
The drive back to his house was quiet, but never awkward. When he pulled into the driveway of the dark, ranch house, you both got out of the car and you followed him inside. He took your coat from you and put it on a hook next to the door.
“Want anything to eat? Drink? We have beer,” he asked, making his way towards the kitchen, flicking on light switches as he walked through the house. He pulled a beer from the refrigerator and held it up.
“Sure,” you replied.
Jake grabbed another from the refrigerator and took the caps off both bottles. He handed you one and extended his bottle to you. You clinked the bottle necks together and each took a sip.
“So where is everyone?” you asked as you leaned against the kitchen counter. You were genuinely curious as to why he was the only one home on a Friday night.
“Sam had some honors awards ceremony. I told them I had homework.”
“Since when does Jake Kiszka do homework?” you asked, smirking.
“Since I got an A on an English project a month ago,” he replied, smiling at you with his head tilted.
His expression turned just a bit more serious and he continued, “But you know, with them gone for the next hour, it gives us some time to hang out. Uninterrupted,” he said as he took a swig of the beer and didn’t break eye contact the entire time.
“Hm,” was all you could say before he walked towards you.
He brushed past your side, beer in hand, and leaned into you to speak.
“Come on, I’ll show you around.”
He grabbed your hand, pulled you out of the kitchen, and down the hallway.
You followed him through the house and eventually down a hallway. He gestured towards doors and told you what was behind each one. Living room (which you’ve seen from afar before), basement, his parent’s room, sister’s room, and a bathroom. He stopped at the final door at the end of the hallway.
“And this? This is my room,” he said as he opened the door and extended his hand for you to go through first.
He flicked on the lightswitch to reveal a medium sized blue bedroom with three twin sized beds. Two on each side of the room and then one farther away, in a little corner carved out on the other side of a closet.
“Me, Josh, and Sam,” he said as he pointed at each bed.
You could see how they each decorated their spaces differently. Josh had film posters, sketches, and photos all over the wall by his bed. He had a shelf cluttered with trinkets and ornately decorated boxes above the head of his bed.
Sam’s was the bed tucked away in the corner. He had posters of a lot of older artists, and a ton of books; all neatly organized in contrast to Josh’s. There was a tall dresser in between Sam’s little corner and the closet with a record player on top and a stack of vinyls piled high.
Jake’s space was cool. He had posters of artists that were more modern and well known than what was on Sam’s wall, with a few older ones in the mix too. Soccer trophies were propped on a shelf above the head of the bed. And the acoustic guitar you and Jake played was leaning against a nightstand that separated his bed and Josh’s bed.
Jake sat down on his bed and put his beer on the nightstand. “So, what do you think?”
“It’s nice. It’s very…you,” you replied.
“And what exactly is ‘very me?’” he asked.
“You know, interesting, cool,”
“You think I’m cool?”
“Well, yeah…”
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re cool too. I like you.”
The phrase I like you replayed in your head for a second. He liked you. He just said it. No one has ever said that to you before, at least not in the way Jake just did. In a romantic way.
You felt your heart warm up a little and all you could do was smile at him shyly.
Jake placed his hand on the spot next to him on his bed, looked at it, and looked up at you with eyes that said Are you going to stand there or do you want to sit here next to me?
You let out a small laugh and sat down next to him. He took your beer bottle and placed it on the nightstand next to his. You looked at each other for a minute. Neither of you spoke, but your eyes wandered all over each other’s faces.
“So, do you want to pick up where we left off?” he asked, putting his head down but looking up at you with his hair covering most of his eyes. Maybe you weren't the only nervous one after all.
“Yeah, like you said- uninterrupted. Right?” you asked, smiling.
He took your face in his right hand and rubbed your cheek with his thumb.
You heard him let out “Yeah,” in a soft whisper that was barely audible.
As he held your face, his rough fingers contrasted with your skin. He leaned in closer to you and you could feel your heart fluttering. He was close to you and the anticipation was killing you both. You had thought about doing this again since that day in the garage. It was practically the only thing you could think about for the past month. But you would never tell him that.
“Just tell me to stop and I will,” he whispered.
You nodded and connected your lips with his. You brought your hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. His hair tickled your cheeks as his jaw moved. His tongue traced over your bottom lip and you let him in. You let out a sigh and you felt him smile into the kiss.
His mouth tasted like beer, spearmint, and a hint of something sweet that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but you liked it. Almost chocolatey.
Jake grabbed your waist and lowered you down on his bed, hovering over you. Your hands traveled up the sides of his body and along his back until you reached the back of his neck. You gave it a couple squeezes and flexed your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He had one hand supporting his weight on the bed and the other holding onto your hip bone.
His lips wrapped around yours perfectly with every kiss and his tongue teased yours lightly every so often. The two of you continued like that for a few minutes.
He broke away and smiled at you before lowering his mouth to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he got closer to your collarbone. He slid his tongue along the thin skin of it and started working his way back up.
“Jake,” you sighed.
He stopped, picked his head up, and looked at you.
“Are you okay? Is this okay?”
You gave him a little smile, biting your bottom lip. His eyes were wide and filled with concern, but softened once he saw your smile.
“Yeah, keep going, I like it,” you whispered.
A small, closed mouth smile crept onto his face.
“Whatever you say,” he said as he connected your lips again.
His hands slid along your hips and up a little onto your stomach, pushing your shirt up slightly. His lips made their way to your jaw again, just below your ear.
You tangled your fingers in his hair and ran your other hand up his back and in between his shoulder blades.
“Mmm,” you breathed out as he continued there, knowing he hit a sweet spot on you. You felt him breathe out through his nose and his lips move into a smile, almost as if he was laughing. He seemed to be very pleased with himself. There was no doubt he was going to leave a mark but Jesus Christ his lips felt too good to care.
You gave the hair at the bottom of his head a pull and he lifted his chin back up, making eye contact with you again. You both let out a little laugh and he sat up. He was between your legs, sitting back on his heels. Jake pushed his hair out of his face and looked down.
“I guess we should stop before, you know…” he trailed off the ending of his sentence, lifting his head and tilting it to peek at the spot on your neck he spent a little too much time on.
“Yeah,” you said, running your hands through your scalp and pushing your hair back.
You sat up and leaned against his headboard, running your fingers through your hair.
You ran your hand over the spot on your neck and rubbed it out a little. He leaned toward you and grabbed your wrist, pushing it down gently. He placed his hand on the spot and gently rubbed on it with his thumb a few times before pulling away.
You picked up the beer bottles off his night stand, handing him his.
“So,” you started, “do you have girls over here often?”
Jake’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you, confused. “No, not really. Just the ones I like,” he smirked at you. “And like I said… I like you,” he said.
“What do you like about me?” you asked.
Jake laughed, tilted his head to look at the ceiling, and counted on his fingers as he spoke, “Well, I like that you’re smart. You’re pretty- that helps, he said, flashing a full smile at you.
You looked down at your hands shyly and bit your bottom lip.
Jake continued “I like the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you. I like the way your hair falls when you play with it. I like how you look down and bite your lip when you’re embarrassed. Kind of like what you’re doing now.”
He was good.
You looked back up at him. His eyes were soft again.
“Jake, I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, nervously.
“Say you like me back. I know you want to.”
He was right. You wanted to. You wanted to more than anything in the world.
You put the beer back down on the nightstand and ran your hand through his hair, bringing your fingers down to graze his face. You held his chin and you could feel the tiniest bit of soft, facial hair poking through.
“I like you, Jake.”
Instantly, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders. That little secret you’ve been holding in for a month- finally he knew.
A little, satisfied chuckle left his lips. He leaned in and gave you the most gentle kiss.
When he pulled back you let go of his face and grabbed his hands from his lap and held onto them.
“Can I tell you what I like about you?” you asked, looking into his eyes.
“Go on,” he said playfully, giving you that silly little kid look.
You started, “I like your eyes. They’re dreamy.”
Your right hand brushed his hair off his forehead to get a good view of them and then you let it drop back into his lap.
You started to play with his fingers and looked down at them as you spoke.
“I like your hands. They’re big, and rough. And I like holding them.”
You looked back up at Jake to see that he was giving you the sweetest smile you had ever seen. You melted from that look alone.
“I like how you put your hand behind your neck when you’re nervous. I like how when I’m talking to you, you look right at me. I like how you know what you want and you go for it.”
“You’re what I want,” he whispered.
“You want me?”
Jake nodded slowly with his mouth open just a bit as his tongue licked his bottom lip.
“You have me,” you replied in a whisper.
Jake brushed your hair away from your ear and kissed you again. Deeper. There was more passion behind this kiss than any other the two of you had shared. This one had meaning.
You continued at each other for a few minutes until you were interrupted by a ding of his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the screen.
“Ah, shit. It’s Josh. I told him to text me when they were about to leave. Can I take you home?”
“Yeah no problem,” you said as you got up from his bed and followed him out of his room.
The two of you started down the hallway back to the front door.
“So, Josh knows I’m here?” you asked as you put your coat on and as he grabbed a set of keys off a table by the door.
“Well, yeah. I trust him and I didn’t want this to end up like last time. You know with Sam and everything. Sorry if you didn’t want anyone to know. But I promised I would do it for him if the roles were reversed.”
He was doing it again- grabbing the back of his neck and looking down. You could tell he felt bad.
You grabbed his hand from behind his head and pulled it down in front of him, holding it with both your hands.
“Hey, it’s okay,” you reassured him, “I don’t mind.”
He looked up at you and breathed a small sigh of relief.
You both left the house and he locked the door behind you. As you two stepped into the cold November night he turned around and stopped you.
“Does this mean we’re…” he trailed off.
“We’re what?” you asked, already anticipating what he was going to say.
“You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend? God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud,” he laughed.
You gave him a peck on the lips.
“It’s not stupid,” you said as you kept your face just an inch away from his and smiled at him.
“So, yes?” he asked, almost wincing.
“Yes,” you assured him with a smile. You pulled his hand to lead him to the car.
He drove you home and pulled into your driveway. You weren’t exactly sure how to say goodbye to him but before you got out of the car, he turned to you.
“By the way, I’ve never had a girl in my room before. Until today of course. I mean- besides my sister. So you’re like, the fir-”
Jake had a habit of over explaining when he got nervous.
“Shhh,” you said, grabbing his chin and bringing it closer to yours. You kissed him softly; and it took him a second, but he returned the kiss to you. You pulled away, both smiling.
At that exact moment, genuine happiness filled your entire body. Jake Kiszka. Who would have thought?
He watched you walk inside and drove away once your front door closed.
Jake got back home just in time for his family to arrive back, unsuspecting of the events which took place that night. Except Josh, who spotted two beer bottles on the nightstand when he walked in the room to go to bed. He took them outside and buried them deep in the garbage can to cover up for Jake.
December 2013:
You and Jake had been together for about a month now. He stopped sneaking you into his house about a week after you two made it official. His parents approved of the two of you. Yours did as well. He had gone to your house and met your parents and they really liked him. But your parents were home a lot, and his parents were more easy going. So you spent more time at his house.
School had just gotten out for winter break. Typically, you would go home after school with Jake on days he didn’t have band practice. You usually did homework with him, and then the two of you went to his room to be alone for a bit. Sometimes Jake would show you music he liked, or he’d roll you a joint to share from the (terrible quality) weed he stole from Josh; and the two of you would smoke for a bit.
You did other things too. Like most teenagers, you and Jake started exploring a little more of each other’s bodies. It had gone just far enough to the point you were both comfortable with. You’d been each other’s first experience for a few things so far.
It started with heavy make out sessions that quickly led to more. Jake asked if it was okay if his hands wandered, which it was. It was more than okay. You would guide his hands to where you wanted them and he’d do the same for you.
What started as feeling each other above clothes turned into feeling each other under clothes, to say the least.
You would each go further a little bit every time it happened, testing the waters on each other to see how far you were both willing to go. Jake never took things too far though. He knew you were hesitant about doing some things and he never took it farther than you wanted it to go.
When Sam came home from school, you usually moved to the living room or basement until Jake’s parents came home from work. Josh respected the situation but Sam didn’t exactly understand it yet. You never did anything explicit in front of Sam of course, but it was awkward with Sam in the boys’ room doing his homework while you and Jake were doing couple things; or as Sam called it, “Tainting his innocence.”
You were on the couch in the Kiszka living room, laying down longways with your head in Jake’s lap as he played with your hair. You both listened to Sam and Josh debate the best way to decorate their Christmas tree.
His brothers’ conversation faded in the background as Jake spoke to you.
“What are you doing for Christmas?” he asked as he rubbed your hairline with his thumbs lightly.
“Same as every year. My dad’s side of the family is coming over. It’ll probably be pretty boring to be honest.”
“Do you want to come here? I mean, I’m sure your family wants to spend time with you. But, maybe for a little bit?”
You smiled up at him and licked your bottom lip. “Okay, I’ll ask my mom.”
Jake leaned his head down and placed an upside down kiss on your lips. With your lips still locked, you smiled into him, causing your mouths to separate. He poked your teeth with his tongue playfully. His shaggy hair fanned over your chin and tickled you, making you giggle.
“Get a room!” Sam yelled, bringing you both back to reality.
“I have one but someone doesn’t approve of me being in there with my girlfriend,” Jake snapped back.
“Because you guys do weird things in there! My poor virgin eyes have seen enough!”
You laughed and Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed.
“Sam, you’re fourteen! Get over it!” Jake said.
“I will not!” Sam replied.
“One day you’ll understand,” Jake said, shaking his head.
“Yeah, maybe. But that day is not today!” Sam replied firmly.
You got up, held your hand out to Jake. He took it and you pulled him off the couch.
“Come on,” you said, “lets’ go make out on Sam’s bed.”
Jake smiled a devilish smile and let a laugh out of his nose. He picked you up, holding you just under your butt, and ran out of the room with you. Both of you laughed as he carried you out of the room.
“No! Come on! Are you serious? Jesus Christ, no! Jake, I swear to God!” Sam’s voice faded away as Jake carried you down the hall and into the boys shared room, locking the door behind him.
December 25 , 2013:
You asked your mom about going to the Kiszka’s for Christmas and she agreed to let you go after dinner. The plan was that she would drop you off as long as Jake would bring you home, which he agreed to.
You arrived at the Kiszka’s house at around 7:30 pm. Jake walked out to the driveway to get you. He greeted your mom and promised to have you home that night. As you both walked back up his driveway and towards the front door- you stopped him.
“Jake, wait. I’m… I’m kind of nervous about this,” you admitted.
“About what? Meeting my cousins and stuff?” he asked.
You looked down at both your feet and nodded your head. He held your lower back and lifted your chin with his index finger so your eyes met his.
“Hey,” he began, “you don’t have anything to worry about. They’re going to love you.”
He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and looked up at you through his hair.
“Okay? Breathe for me, baby,” he said calmly.
You closed your eyes, took a deep breath in, and let your shoulders relax as you exhaled.
“Good, Baby,” he whispered, “Come on, I got you,"
He let go of your chin, took your hand, and led you into the house.
The six Kiszkas you knew were loud. That was a fact. However, a house full of thirty Kiszkas was a completely different story. There were people of all ages everywhere- drinking, talking, yelling, and running around.
Jake introduced you to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They were all very welcoming and took to you right away. He was right, you really didn’t have anything to worry about.
You and Jake hung out with his family for a while. His mom bragged about you. His aunts loved you. They wanted to know all about how you met and how you’re putting up with him. His grandmother called you “Honey” and told you stories about Jake when he was little. You laughed while he rolled his eyes and begged her to stop.
You talked with his cousins for a while too. A lot of them were close to your age and you discovered you had a lot of shared interests with them.
Josh was floating around the room butting into everyone’s conversations, looking and sounding like he drank more than he should have. Sam and Ronnie were busy with their noses in the instruction manual of some electronic Sam had gotten as a gift.
Jake’s grandfather called him over and whispered something in his ear. Jake gave you a be right back look. He returned to his grandfather with two red solo cups and his grandfather poured scarlet liquid in them from a pitcher on the dining room table. Jake walked over to you, drinks in hand. He extended one out to you.
“It’s whiskey, cranberry juice, sour mix, and a ‘secret ingredient.’ My grandpa makes it every year and he finally let Josh and I have it this year. My mom doesn’t know though, she would kill him. But it’s good, try it.”
You lifted the cup to your mouth and instantly you could smell the alcohol. Well this explains Josh’s tipsy state, you thought to yourself as you took a sip.
The drink was strong, but it tasted good. Like cinnamon. It was a good holiday drink, perfect for the occasion. You smiled at Jake and he looked at his grandfather, giving him a little finger gun motion.
“Come here I have something I want to show you,” Jake said as he pulled you down the hall and into his room, closing the door behind him.
The loud noises of the Kiszka family became muffled by the closed door.
He sat you down on his bed and he went down on his knees to reach under it.
“Close your eyes,” he said with one hand still hidden under the bed while the other hand held his cup.
You closed your eyes and felt him place something in your lap.
“Okay… open your eyes.”
You looked down at your lap to see a small silver box with a little red ribbon on top.
“Jake,” you started, “We agreed- no presents!”
“I know, I know. But, you mean a lot to me and I just- I don’t know. I wanted to,” he explained.
You put your cup on his nightstand and unwrapped the bow, looking at Jake before completely opening the box. Jake’s face in that moment brought you back to when he opened the garage door to you for the first time. He was excited but also apprehensive about your reaction.
You opened the box to reveal a gold necklace with a charm of your first initial shining brightly in the dim light of his bedroom.
“Jake,” you whispered.
“Do you like it?” he asked, still on his knees in front of you.
“I love it, it’s perfect. Thank you.”
You leaned down to kiss him. Your lips joined for a minute and he stood up, never breaking the connection. You pulled away as he got higher and you were still sitting.
“Can you help me put it on?” You asked him.
“Of course. Hold this for a second,” he said, extending his cup out to you and you exchanged the necklace for the cup.
With the necklace in hand, Jake kneeled on his bed behind you. He moved your hair to one side of your neck and draped the necklace over your head, clasping it in the back. His hands traveled down your back and around your waist as he kissed the exposed spot on your neck.
“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” he said in his soft, raspy voice.
His voice sent vibrations through your body and made you shiver in the best way.
“Mmm. Merry Christmas, Jake,” you replied with a smile spreading wide across your face.
He reached around you and grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking the remainder of what was in it. He got back to his feet and walked over to the nightstand to place his empty cup on the nightstand next to yours. He leaned against it and placed his hands on the edge of it.
“Want to relax here for a little? It’s kind of loud out there,” he said, motioning his head towards the door.
“Sure,” you began, “I really like your family though.”
“I think they like you too. I told you you had nothing to worry about,” he said with a little I told you so smirk and raised eyebrows.
Jake unbuttoned his flannel shirt the rest of the way, and pulled it off his shoulders. The warm light of his room casted shadows and highlighted the muscles in his back and arms. Your eyes trailed down to his stomach, his barely there ab muscles flexed as he turned his body to throw the shirt across the room. Above his belt he had just a little bit of fat that rested on his hips. His body wasn’t perfect, but to you it was.
He undid his belt, kicked off his pants, and tossed both into a hamper by the closet. He opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a t- shirt and a pair of boxers.
He held them out to you and said, “If you want to wear something more comfortable.”
You pulled your sweater over your head, let it fall to the floor, and threw on his shirt. Jake pretended to look away but you caught his eyes wandering a few times.
As you unbuttoned your jeans, you saw him do his nervous neck grab again, and caught his eyes peeking around.
“I know what you’re doing,” you giggled as you threw your pants at him and put on the boxers.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied with a sly smirk lighting up his face.
Jake has seen your body before. In fact, he’s seen more of you than this before. But for some reason, this little moment was different.
Maybe it was because it was Christmas. Maybe it was because of the alcohol. Or maybe it was because your feelings towards each other were growing stronger and you both knew it- but were just a little too shy to say anything.
Jake sat down on his bed, leaned against the headboard and stretched his legs out. You climbed in between his legs and sunk into his body. He was warm. His skin was soft. His body around you like this reminded you of the time in the garage. However, it was more intimate this time. You were in his bed, he was practically naked underneath you, and you were in his clothes.
You felt completely secure and safe in his arms. You leaned your head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head and pulled the covers over the both of you.
You closed your eyes as Jake traced patterns on your upper arm with his fingertips underneath his blanket.
“Don’t forget you have to take me home later,” you mumbled.
“Mmhmm,” he hummed, gently grabbing your head and pushing your hair out of your face.
You woke up the next morning with heavy eyes. You felt a huge weight on your back. You opened your eyes to see Jake, shirtless, with his arm draped over you.
You squinted your eyes as the sun shone through the window next to his bed and lit up the room. You picked your head up and looked over at him. He was fast asleep.
“What the fu-” you start to say.
“Mmm, baby go back to sleep,” Jake answered in a deep, raspy voice. His arm that rested on your back pulled your body closer to his.
You sat up on your elbow and looked at the clock on his nightstand.
10:24 AM.
Next to the clock were the two empty cups that were once full of liquor. You looked around the room. Josh was passed out with one leg dangling off his bed, his face deep in his pillow, and breathing with his mouth open.
Sam was gone, thankfully.
You pulled Jake’s arm off you, reached for your phone, and sat up. Eleven missed calls and countless texts from your mom. Fuck.
“Jake, baby, get up,” you said as you gave his side a little nudge.
He breathed in deep and opened his eyes, blinking a few times. His normally tired eyes looked even more tired than usual as he fought to keep them open.
“You were supposed to take me home last night. My mom is going to kill me. And my dad? Oh God, my dad is going to kill you.”
Jake instantly perked up when he realized the situation at hand.
“Oh shit,” he said, ripping the covers off himself and getting out of bed.
Silently, you both got up and started getting changed back into your clothes. He tossed your clothes onto the bed and reached into the hamper to get his from last night.
You kept Jake’s shirt on and held your sweater in your arms. You looked down at your phone, thinking of how you could possibly explain this to your parents as Jake put his shoes on.
The door to the bedroom opened and in walked Sam with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.
“Have fun last night?” Sam asked suspiciously as he walked over to his bed.
He continued, “You know, Christmas is a sacred holiday. It is the day of Jesus’ birth. It is not a day to fu-”
“Oh my God! Sam, would you shut up already?” Jake yelled.
With the raise of Jake’s voice, Josh jolted in bed with a gasp. He relaxed when he opened his eyes briefly to see he was in his own bed.
“It’s too early for this, go back to sleep,” he groaned in a tired voice. He rolled over, pushed his entire face back into his pillow, and covered himself up completely in his comforter.
Sam walked out of the room with a towel on his arm and a smirk on his face. As if he knew some kind of top secret information. Like, Jake was going to be in big trouble. Based on Sam’s reaction, you wondered if Jake’s parents knew you were still there.
Jake turned to you, “Stay here for a second, I’m gonna go see if my parents are around.”
He walked out the room and closed the door most of the way behind him. You heard a faint conversation between him and his mom coming from the living room.
After a few minutes, the door opened again and Jake came through, breathing deep and handing you a bottle of water.
“Okay,” he began slowly, “They know you’re here. But I told them nothing happened and I think they believe me. They’re not mad. They’re mostly pissed at me because I didn’t take you home last night like I promised.”
You got up from his bed and smiled at him.
“Well, you’re taking me home now, aren’t you? So you kept half the promise.”
Jake smiled back and gave you a little kiss on the lips.
“Come on, go say bye to my parents and get in the car. I have some explaining to do with your parents,” he laughed nervously.
You got home and explained the situation to your parents. Jake apologized and they accepted it. They were still pretty mad and told you that you couldn’t see Jake for the rest of winter break. You couldn’t blame them.
However, you planned to text during the day and call each other every night to talk. The texting and calling helped but you still missed him. You missed the things you couldn’t get through a phone.
You missed his touch. You missed the way his hair fluttered around your face when he kissed you. You missed the way his eyes lit up when he talked about stuff he liked. You missed the way he looked at you when you explained stuff to him. But most of all, you missed the way he made you feel. Safe. And loved.
That night, Sam laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep. He whispered to Jake to see if he was awake. Jake replied that he was.
“So…how do you kiss a girl?” Sam asked shyly.
Jake laughed lightly, “I’ll explain tomorrow. Go to sleep, Sammy.”
January 2014:
Your parents warmed back up to Jake after a bit of time and allowed you to continue going to his house after school and on weekends. Sam grew to be more accepting of your relationship after a conversation with Jake about girls over winter break. Now instead of gagging noises when you two did anything in front of him, he blew little air kisses at you.
It was Sunday and neither of you had responsibilities for the day. It was snowing outside and the area was expected to get about 10-12 inches so you were sure school would be canceled the next day. The roads were already covered with snow and ice. Your parents knew you’d have to end up sleeping at Jake’s house until the roads were cleared. Jake’s mom assured her that you would sleep in the basement and Jake would sleep in his room. Doors open.
You sat on the floor of Kiszka’s living room with Jake. You sat a foot away from each other, throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths and giggling while Josh laid on the couch with his eyes attached to the screen in front of him.
“Are you guys seriously going to do that the entire time?” Josh asked, his eyes still not leaving the screen as he spoke.
“I’m sorry Josh, would you like to join us? We could all cuddle later if you want too?” Jake teased.
Josh rolled his eyes.
“Very funny. Ha. Ha. You know,” he began, talking with his hands flailing around, “this film is absolute perfection. The film noir elements are so subtle, yet strong. Even for the time period, it really stands out as one of the most well thought out displays of cinematography to date. I mean just look at the camera work here! The shadows! The way it pans out! AH! SO GOOD!”
His eyes went back to being glued on the screen, paying the utmost attention to his film and resting his chin in his hand.
Josh was in his element. His own little world. Film was something he loved. He could study it for hours. He didn’t plan on moving from that spot on the couch for the rest of the day.
“Want to go outside?” Jake suggested, raising his eyebrows at you.
“Now? Isn’t it snowing?” you asked.
“What, you’ve never played in the snow before?”
He tilted his head at you and started to get up. He lifted you to your feet, grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor, and placed it in Josh’s lap.
Jake turned to Josh before following you out of the room and down the hall.
“We’re gonna go outside if you want to come,” he offered.
“Mmm,” Josh mumbled, waving Jake away, eyes not moving from the screen.
You and Jake walked down the hall, and into his room to get his boots and coat. As you entered, you stopped when you saw Sam laying on the floor in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed, his legs were crossed at his ankles, and his hands rested behind his head. A small smile formed on his face as a record of blues music played from the record player on top of the boys’ dresser.
Jake stepped over him and reached into the closet to grab what he needed. Sam had no idea either of you were in the room and he started humming and moving his head to the song.
You looked down at Sam and smiled, seeing how content and at peace he was in his own little musical world. Just like Josh was in the living room with his film. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was music.
You both put on your coats and hats and walked into the kitchen to leave through the backdoor. Both Jake’s mom and dad were in the kitchen baking with Ronnie.
“You guys going outside?” Karen asked, putting a tray of cookies in the oven.
“Mmhm,” you and Jake replied in unison.
“Have fun,” Kelly said as he wiped down the countertops and tossed the paper towel in the garbage.
Jake opened the back door and ushered you out. The snow had stopped falling momentarily and Jake’s backyard looked right out of a movie scene. Snow had stuck to the bare tree branches, turning them white. A perfect white blanket of snow covered the grass with some tiny squirrel footprints trailing across the yard.
Jake walked across the deck with you following behind him. There was a path carved out from where his dad shoveled through earlier.
“Be careful, this is where I cracked my head open when I was three,” he said as he hopped down the steps and out onto the snow covered grass. “I told you about that right?”
“Ha, yeah once or twice,” you replied.
Jake loved to tell you stories about him nearly dying during his childhood. There were many. His poor mother.
Jake held his hand out to you and you took it in yours as you walked down the steps, careful not to step on any patches of ice.
You stood on the last step and stopped to face him. His shaggy bangs covered his eyes and poked out of the bottom of his knitted beanie. Standing on the step made you a couple inches taller than usual and your eyes were perfectly even with his. His nose had turned a little red from the cold already and you kissed the tip of it. He smiled and repeated the action to you.
“Hop on,” he said as he turned around, motioning you to piggyback him.
You only had sneakers on and he had proper snow boots, so there was no way you could walk through 8 inches of snow on your own. You jumped onto his back and wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms under your legs and lifted you up higher on him. You rested your chin on his shoulder and he started through the snow.
You turned your face into the side of his neck just by his ear and pressed kisses to his skin as he continued to walk, slowing his steps as you got closer to the spot on his neck that made him weak everytime.
“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna end up dropping you,” he warned playfully.
“I know you wouldn’t,” you returned his playful tone and continued sprinkling him with kisses.
He stopped walking and turned his face towards yours.
“What if I did? What would you do if I dropped you right now?” he smirked.
“Jake, if you drop me in this snow-”
“Yeah? What would you do?” he chuckled, raising his eyebrows.
He knew you didn’t have any line of defense here and he held all the power in his hands. He could easily throw you backwards into the snow right now.
“I will kick you in the balls so hard, you’ll never have kids,” you warned.
Part of you was joking, but the other part was serious.
“Oooh, is that a threat or a promise?” he said suggestively.
You tapped him lightly on his cheek and pushed his face away, mimicking a smack.
He kept walking until he got to a picnic table in the middle of the yard. He extended one arm to push some snow off it, revealing a portion of the wooden surface. He turned around and let you sit down on it. Your legs dangled off the sides and Jake turned his body around to face you. He grabbed your face in his hands, cupping your jaw. He placed a soft kiss on your lips.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked.
“Mhm, anything,” you replied, nodding your head.
He put his hand behind his neck. You knew he was nervous.
“I…” he sighed, “Nevermind, it’s.. it’s stupid,” he stuttered.
“Jake, you can’t say you want to tell me something and then not say it.”
“Nevermind, really, it’s stupid. I’ll tell you later. Not now,” he shook his head.
“Okay fine but promise you’ll tell me later?” you asked as you grabbed his chin.
He nodded as his eyes darted all over your face- almost like he was searching your face for an answer to something he wasn’t sure of.
You both paused there for a moment, just looking at each other.
You broke eye contact with him and picked up some of the fresh, fluffy snow off the table and held it in your hand. You opened your palm in front of his face and blew it on him. His eyes shut tight and he scrunched up his nose at the sudden cold feeling on his face. He opened his eyes, his mouth hung open, and he let out a breath, shocked.
You laughed seeing him caught off guard. A smile appeared across his face and his eyes grew wild with mischief. Suddenly, he nuzzled his cold, wet, face in your neck; kissing you with snowflakes shivering your skin.
“Jake!” you playfully whined as you wiggled your head and shoulders to get his cold face away from your neck.
Jake placed one arm under your legs and the other arm around your back, swooping you up bridal style off the table. He started back towards the house with you in his arms.
“Let’s go, Baby. Back inside. No more snow for you,” he huffed. He kissed you on your temple as he hitched you up.
As he was trudging through the snow with his heavy boots, he missed a step and tripped with you in his arms. He still had you but both of you gasped and breathed out with sighs of relief and chuckles when he got his balance again.
He looked down at you in his arms, “Did you think I was going to let you go?” He questioned.
“For a second there, yeah!” you admitted, laughing.
“You’re lucky. You came close to going down,” he replied, smiling.
“You would let me fall?” you asked innocently, raising your eyebrows at him.
“What, like this?” he asked as he faked you out. He let you drop for a second before catching you again.
You squealed and gripped his neck tighter. Jake was bending down with you hanging in his arms. Your body was a foot off the ground, and your hair was falling behind you.
“Yeah? What are you gonna do now?” he said as he lowered you down further, your body now just a few inches from the ground. His smile lit up his face as he spoke and his entire body vibrated from laughing.
“You know what I said I’d do if you dropped me,” you smiled with your tongue between your teeth and raised your eyebrows at him.
“Try me,” he whispered.
And with that, thud. He dropped you right into the snow. You felt the cold surround your body, shocking you slightly. Your jaw dropped as you looked up at him. Your body was frozen both figuratively and literally.
His bright smile was huge on his face. His shoulders moved up and down as he laughed nervously. He wasn’t sure if he just made a huge mistake.
Jake reached his hand out to you to pull you up and you took it. He started to bring you to your feet when you shot your foot up to his groin, and made contact. He let go of your hand, plopping you back into your spot in the snow.
“Ohh!” He groaned as he grabbed himself and spun in a circle around himself, hunched over a little.
“Hahaha! I told you I would!” you laughed.
“You’re gonna get it now,” he said, lunging towards you.
“Jake!” you screeched.
He threw himself on top of you and laughed before he kissed you hard, pushing both of you down deeper into the snow. The area surrounding your body was freezing but his breath was warm against your face and his body was warm on top of you.
He pulled away from the kiss and looked you in the eyes. His expression turned serious. His eyes were scanning your face again and finally he breathed out.
“I…Y/N, I….I love you.”
You sucked in a sharp breath at his words. Love.
His tired eyes silently begged you to say something, anything back to him. He held his breath and never broke eye contact with you as he waited for a reaction.
“Jake, I…” you began, reaching up and holding his cheek in your hand. “I love you too.”
The words came out of your mouth as if you had been holding onto them for years, even though it had only been a few months. It felt absolutely right. There was no doubt in your mind. You loved Jake.
“Yeah?” he asked, blinking and raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah,” you said softly, reassuring him and giving him a little peck on the lips.
He flashed that big bright smile at you again and you did the same. He kissed you again.
Deep.
Long.
Passionately.
Your heart was exploding in your chest in the best way. Your head was reeling as your lips moved against his. You didn’t even care that you were laying in the freezing snow. Everything about this moment was perfect. It was like everything in life had come to a peak right here. You didn’t care about anything else in the world, except him.
The snow started to fall again and Jake broke away from you, laughing. He sat up and pulled you up with him. There was no use in him carrying you now, both of you were soaking wet.
You and Jake spent close to an hour outside together in the snow. You had snowball fights, made snow angels, and caught snowflakes on your tongues.
When you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and Jake’s lips started to turn a shade of purple, you decided to call it a day and you walked back to the house, hand in hand.
You stopped him at the door and put your hands around his waist, clasping them behind his back and pulling him in tight. “Say it again,” you said softly.
“I love you,” he said confidently.
“I love you,” you replied.
He kissed you and hummed into the kiss, “Mmm, God I love you,” he said smiling.
You bit your lip and turned the doorknob to the inside.
When you entered the kitchen, his parents gave each other a smirk as they cleaned up the remainder of the dishes. You could tell they were watching from the kitchen window.
“Did you guys have fun out there?” Karen asked sweetly, even though she already knew the answer.
“Yeah,” Jake tried to say casually, hiding a smile.
“Go get out of those clothes and into something warm, now!” Kelly called as you and Jake exited the kitchen.
Jake met you in the laundry room with a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and one of his hoodies.
You both took your clothes off, threw them in the dryer, and put the fresh ones on. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room.
Now dry and warm, you stopped by the boys’ room to get your phone and you saw Sam- still on the floor, in the same position you saw him last.
You and Jake went downstairs to set up the pull out couch for you to sleep on that night and as you passed the living room, just like Sam, Josh had not moved an inch. Both of them were still in their own little worlds.
Jake helped you set up the bed and when you were done, the two of you went upstairs for dinner. You sat next to Jake and he held your hand and your thigh under the table the entire time.
After dinner, Jake accompanied you in the basement for a bit. He knew eventually he would have to go upstairs and sleep in his own bed, as previously decided by both sets of parents.
He laid on his back with your head on his chest, cuddled into him, looking at the TV. The two of you were watching a movie when you looked up at him.
“Hey, what was that thing that you wanted to tell me earlier?” you asked.
“Oh,” he chuckled, “I already said it,” he replied.
“What, that you love me?” you asked with a smile.
“You like hearing it, don’t you?”
You nodded at him.
“Yes. I love you,” he said, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.
He was right. You loved hearing him say it. It was the way his soft, raspy voice practically sang the phrase. You couldn’t get enough.
Jake’s hand lazily rubbed your back and you felt his heartbeat in his chest as you closed your eyes for the night.
Before going to bed, Kelly looked into the boys room to see Jake’s bed was empty and noticed that coming from the basement stairs was a dull glow of the TV and the light sounds of Jake’s snoring.
Karen came up behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder.
“You wanna tell him to get up here and go to bed?” she asked.
“No,” Kelly replied, “he’s in his own little world.”
February 2014:
As the cold, Michigan winter rolled on, you and Jake spent a lot of time together. After the initial “I love you” was off both of your chests, things continued to blossom between the two of you and you became each other’s best friends. You revealed secrets about yourselves that no one else knew. You told each other about your insecurities. He showed you the scar on his arm from when he broke it in middle school and you traced your fingers lightly on it. When he rubbed your legs, he kissed the stretch marks on your thighs that you were always self conscious about. You two were a real couple. Sure you were still only young, but everything about it felt right. You and Jake fit together. Being with him was like riding a bike or walking- it was second nature to you.
You were in the Kiszka’s kitchen after school one day with Jake. It was just the two of you, no one else was home. His parents trusted him with you. In general, they were cool parents, but they also knew nothing would go on in their house that they had to worry about.
You sat on the counter with Jake standing in between your legs. He put a cookie in your mouth and brought his face close to yours to bite off the half that was sticking out to him.
“So,” he started as he chewed, “Valentine’s Day is coming up.”
“Mhmm,” you hummed as you chewed the cookie.
“Can I take you out?”
“Like, on a date?” you asked.
“Well, yeah. We’ve never actually had a real date yet,” he reminded you.
He was right. The two of you never actually went somewhere together. All of the time you spent together was either at school, your house, or his house- mostly his house.
“Oooh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, smirking at him playfully.
Jake lowered his head and laughed, “You’ll see,” he replied, looking up at you through his hair. You loved when he did that. His hair was getting longer and he refused to cut it. He liked it like that. He said one day he wanted to grow it past his shoulders, like a “Rock God.”
He pushed himself up on his tiptoes to give you a kiss and then lowered you down off the counter. He pulled you into the living room. He sat down on the couch, still holding onto your hand as you stood in front of him.
“Kiss me,” he groaned with his head tilting up and his eyes closing slightly.
You straddled him and put your knees on either side of his thighs. He held your waist and you lowered your head to connect your lips. It started off soft but quickly gained passion.
Jake’s tongue started sliding along your bottom lip and entering your mouth. His hands traveled past your waist and rested on your butt. You snaked your hands under his shirt and you felt his stomach muscles tighten with the contact. You rubbed the skin of his stomach, feeling goosebumps rise on the surface of his skin.
Jake moaned into the kisses, sending vibrations through your body. You pulled back from him, and looked at him. His eyes were in a dreamy state. You gave him one last kiss on the side of his mouth before attaching your lips to his neck. He tilted his head back to give you better access, breathing heavily and closing his eyes as you littered his neck with wet kisses and sucked on that sweet spot just below his ear.
He snaked his hands up under your shirt and rubbed up and down your back. His hands slipped under your bra strap, toying with it, teasing you. His calloused fingertips dug into the delicate skin of your back as he played with it. You grinded your hips down against him and he moved his along with yours.
“Honey, I’m home!” you heard a familiar voice boom as the front door swung open.
Jake opened his eyes and ripped his hands away from you. You turned your head and jumped off of Jake to sit next to him on the couch.
Josh looked at you both with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a suggestive smirk.
“I’m not telling you how to live your lives,” he said casually as he raised his hands as a sign of surrender, “but, no sex on the family couch. Anywhere else is fine though.”
“I thought you had rehearsal?” Jake asked with a confused look on his face.
“I did, but they didn’t need me much today,” Josh replied, “I have to go run my lines anyway. Have fun,” Josh said suggestively as he shot a wink at you.
He kicked his shoes off and walked down the hall into the boys room, closing the bedroom door behind him.
Catching your breath, you turned to Jake and combed your fingers through your hair.
“Jake,” you started, “Does he think that we…”
“We, what?”
“You know.”
“Know, what?”
“Does Josh think that we… have sex?”
Jake coughed at the question and a shocked expression appeared on his face. He looked to the floor, trying to recollect instances that may have led Josh to think that.
“I mean, he knows we mess around. We’ve done almost everything except that. And he has. I’ve talked to him about some stuff. I mean, he’s my twin brother. And honestly it would make sense for him to think we have,” he answered.
You sighed and looked down at your hands. Jake grabbed them and pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles and setting them down on his lap.
“Hey,” he began, “you really care what he thinks?”
You shrugged your shoulders.
Neither of you had done it yet. But you felt like everyone else in the world had. Josh had and so had a handful of your friends. You wanted to and so did Jake, Jake more than you. But you were scared and Jake knew it. Usually when things got heated, one of you would call it off before you went all the way. You out of fear, and Jake out of respect for you. But, no matter the reason, you both didn’t mind though. It just wasn’t the right time yet.
“Look at me, Baby,” Jake whispered, “Don’t worry about what Josh thinks may or may not have happened. It’ll happen when it happens. When you’re ready. And I won’t talk about it to him again. Okay? I’m sorry, I know it’s different for girls,” he said calmly as he rubbed your cheek with his thumb.
“Okay,” you said softly.
He grabbed the remote control off the coffee table and turned on the TV. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your shoulder with his thumb. You both fell asleep and woke up when Sam and Ronnie got home with his parents. Jake drove you home and worked on his date plans that night.
February 14, 2013:
The ring of the door bell made you jump. You looked down at your phone. 7 PM exactly. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, grabbed your coat and headed downstairs. Jake had told you to dress warm, not fancy. He didn’t tell you anything except that. When you tried to get details out of him, he would do a little “zipped lips” motion with his mouth and fingers.
When you got downstairs you saw Jake at the door, talking to your mom. She turned around when she heard your footsteps.
“Hi,” you said, smiling at him and biting your lip.
“Hey,” Jake said, his eyes scanning you up and down, holding back a full smile.
“Midnight,” your mom said sternly, looking Jake in the eyes. She did not want a repeat of the last time Jake was supposed to bring you back home at night.
“Yes. Midnight,” Jake nodded.
Your mom gave you a wink as she walked away, leaving you and Jake alone.
“You look beautiful, as always,” Jake said, pulling you into a hug and giving you a small kiss on the lips.
You pushed his hair out of his face, “Thank you. You look cute. You know I like it when you wear that hat.”
He was wearing that same beanie he wore that day in the snow. The bangs of his hair poked out of the bottom and covered almost half of his face.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” you asked as he led you out the front door.
“Nope,” he said playfully, opening the passenger door to the white Jeep his parents allowed him and Josh to drive. Jake only had his permit, and Frankenmuth was a small town. Plus, his family knew a lot of the cops in town so his parents let him drive around town because they knew he’d never get in trouble. He just wasn’t allowed to go outside of town.
Jake began the drive to his destination and you kept your eyes on him. As he drove through the main part of town, the bright lights from streetlights and storefronts illuminated his features and casted shadows over his eyes and accentuated his cheekbones. It reminded you of the first time you were in the car with him. You were nervous with him back then, where now, you were completely relaxed.
He slid his hand over your knee and traveled it up towards your thigh as he held back a small smile. You rubbed your hand on top of his and held it there, giggling a little.
“Remember when you first came over and I told you that I liked when you look at me when you think I don’t see you?” he asked, eyes never leaving the road as he pulled up to a red light.
You giggled, “Yes?” you replied playfully.
“Well, now you’re starting to creep me out,” he joked.
You smacked his hand on your leg and then picked it up to kiss his knuckles.
He continued driving and you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign illuminated ahead.
“Jake? you dragged out the A in his name.
“Mhmm?” he replied, also dragging out the word.
“Where are we going?” you asked in that same tone.
“Not far, don’t worry, Mom,” he teased, giving your leg a squeeze as he drove under the sign and out of town.
Jake turned off the main road and started driving up a hill. The lights of the town were now far in the distance as he continued on a small gravel road surrounded by trees.
He pulled the Jeep into a spot off the road in the woods, hopped out, and ran over to your door. He opened it and grabbed your hand as you stepped out onto the ground. He started walking you down a small dirt path through the trees.
“Jake, if we get murdered tonight I will never forgive you.”
“Aw damn really? That’s exactly what I had in mind for tonight. Sorry, I thought you’d like the idea of kissing me with my blood from an ax wound on your hands as you watch the light leave my eyes,” he teased, earning himself a light smack on the chest.
As you kept walking, you saw a light peeking through the bare trees. Leaves left over from fall crunched under your feet as you walked.
“So,” he began, “One day when we were like 12, Josh and I went too far out of town on our bikes. We ended up riding up here, thinking it was a way back home, and we thought it was cool. I’ve come back a few times since then. I’ve never seen anyone here though. Ever.”
You started to walk into a clearing that dipped off like a cliff- looking down on Frankenmuth with lights in the distance. Right at the edge of the cliff was a little campfire. Along with a blanket and Jake’s backpack on the ground.
He walked you over to the blanket.
“Have a seat, My Love,” he said.
You sat down and he followed you, the heat from the fire warmed the two of you up perfectly. It was the dead of winter but you weren’t cold at all. He started digging into his backpack and pulled out two round glasses and a bottle of red wine.
“Ooh, so romantic,” you teased.
He flashed a smile at you, “Don’t tell my mom,” he whispered as if there were other people around to hear.
You held the glasses as he opened the wine and poured. You clinked the classes together and sipped it, looking at each other over the rim of the glasses.
You placed a wet, wine covered kiss to his lips. You tasted the flavors of him and the wine mixing on your tongue. He pulled away and smiled at you with the light from the fire lighting up his face.
He leaned back onto his elbows and stretched his legs out. You did the same but you leaned on one elbow and turned your body towards his slightly.
“See those lights out there?” he asked, pointing to the faintest cluster of lights off the edge of the land.
“Mmhmm,” you replied.
“That’s Detroit.”
He pointed to another area of lights farther in the distance to the side a bit.
“And that’s Canada. During the day, you can see Lake Erie.”
It was an absolutely breathtaking sight. You always felt kind of trapped in Michigan. But seeing the world out there, shining in front of you, made you feel like it was possible to get out and explore it one day with him.
The sky was clear. You could see every star in the sky and the full moon was shining overhead. You loved the night sky and Jake knew that. It always made you feel so small. Like any problem you ever had was insignificant compared to how big the universe was. You both looked up to the sky, gazing at the stars and the moon. Jake looked for a little extra time, studying it closely. His eyes squinted and he was in deep thought.
“What are you looking at?” you asked him playfully, noticing his fixation on the sky.
He sat up and dug into his backpack again, this time, he pulled out a piece of paper.
Jake pointed to a spot in the sky.
“You see that star? The one just above that little string of four?”
“Yeah, why?” you asked once you spotted it.
“Well, it’s yours.”
“What do you mean it’s mine?”
Jake unfolded the paper in his hand and let you look at the document in the firelight. Your heart raced and your jaw dropped as you read the words on the paper. You looked at him. He was looking back at you with those nervous eyes again.
“You named a star after me?” you whispered as tears formed in your eyes and your lips parted in surprise.
He nodded, his head turning to the side a bit to get a good look at you. His mouth formed a smile.
You shook your head, “Jake,” was all you could say. You were speechless.
With his thumb, he wiped a tear that fell onto your cheek and he held your face in his hand. He looked deep into your eyes and waited for you to say something.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said.
You barely finished the last word when his mouth crashed into yours. He leaned over you and his lips never parted from yours as he laid you down on the blanket covered ground.
You know when people say they feel fireworks when they kiss someone? You didn’t feel fireworks. You felt a volcanic explosion. Your entire body was electrified. It was a deep feeling, deeper than anything you’ve ever felt before. You wanted this feeling forever and you knew with Jake, you’d have it that way.
You and Jake talked a lot about life that night. You discussed your goals, ambitions, and futures. It was one of the most serious and mature conversations you ever had. Not just with Jake, but with anyone. Period. You were growing up and becoming adults. Your childhood was fading quickly and although not knowing the future scared you, you had him to go through it with; and that made you feel a lot better.
Jake’s phone buzzed at 11:15. He set an alarm this time so he could get you back home on time. You packed up everything, put out the fire, and got back in the car. Before he put it in drive you leaned over to him, turned his chin towards you, and kissed him.
“Thank you for everything tonight,” you said, planting more soft kisses on his lips.
He held onto the back of your neck and pulled you closer. You moved your tongue into his mouth and he did the same. You continued like that for a few minutes, getting lost within each other.
His hands traveled down your body as yours rubbed along his thighs. He pushed up the divider and you crawled up onto the seat. He moved his seat back so you were able to sit on his lap. You felt him through his jeans and he moaned into your kisses.
You pushed his coat off of his shoulders and he did the same on you. His hands traveled up to your chest, under your shirt, feeling you over your bra. His thumbs rubbing the skin just above the cups. You unbuttoned his jeans and let your hands feel him up over his boxers. You unbuttoned yours and started to pull them off yourself.
He pulled his mouth off yours and grabbed your wrists.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, pressing your lips onto his neck.
He moved his neck for you to get off of him and shook his head at you.
“No. I’m not letting you do this. This isn’t what you want.”
“It is what I want, Jake. Come on, just do it. Get it over with.”
He pulled your jeans back up on you and buttoned his own.
“No. That’s exactly why I’m not doing this with you right now. Get it over with? Are you serious?”
You leaned back on his lap and looked at him with angry eyes and your lips pursed shut.
“Jake, I’m ready!” you said sharply.
“Yeah, well two days ago you weren’t!” he shot back.
You pulled your coat back on and sat back down in the passenger seat, arms crossed, looking straight ahead. You couldn’t see him but his jaw was clenched and his eyes looked down at your legs. You both sat there in silence for a few moments. You’d never fought before. It wasn’t exactly a fight- more of a disagreement. But still, you had never felt anger towards him. Secretly you knew he was right though. He knew you better than you knew yourself.
Jake was the first to speak.
“Baby, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me, I want to,” he breathed as he turned to you. “But this isn’t the time, and it’s especially not the place. I mean, come on, in a car?”
You looked at him, relaxed your face, and sighed, even laughed a little.
“You’re right,” you said, reaching your hand out to him.
He took your hand in his and rubbed the top of it with his thumb.
“When we do it, we’re gonna do it right. And I’ll make sure it’s perfect,” he assured you, “I love you, you know that,” he said in his soft, deep voice.
He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. While they were closed, you leaned forward to him, placing the most gentle kiss on his cheek.
He opened his eyes and smiled at you.
“Come on,” he whispered, opening the car door and getting out.
“Jake, what the hell are you doing?” you asked as he opened your door and dragged you out by your hands and walked with you to the front of the Jeep.
“Get on,” he said, putting his hands on your waist and lifting you onto the hood of the car.
The coldness of the metal hit the backs of your legs. He climbed up and crawled behind you. He put his legs on either side of you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You rested your hands on top of his.
“Look at the sky,” he began, “don’t you always say you love looking at the night sky? Because when you look up, you feel small compared to how big it is out there?”
You nodded and Jake continued.
“Okay, now think of how big the universe is and how many people and problems there are in the world. What’s going on with us, right now? It’s nothing compared to what’s out there. There’s so much out there,” he said softly.
You turned your head to look at him. He always had a way of bringing you back down and making you feel so comfortable and safe. He felt like home.
You closed your eyes and breathed deep in his arms for a few minutes, taking in the moment.
“Jake?” you said after a while.
“Mhm?” he asked.
“Promise me that one day, we’ll see the world together. We’ll see what’s out there.”
“Promise,” he said, kissing the top of your head.
You knew he would keep that promise.
“Come on, let’s get you home before twelve,” he said as he slid himself off the hood of the car.
He extended his hands out to you and you hopped off into him. You both got in the car and Jake put one hand on the wheel and the other in your palm, pulling your hand up to his mouth every few minutes to kiss it gently.
The ride home was quiet, but comfortable. Jake pulled into your driveway at 11:58 PM. The living room light was on so you knew your parents were waiting. He walked you to the door and pulled you close before you went inside.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Night, baby,” he said quietly as he kissed your forehead.
You opened the door and smiled at him before you closed it. Jake walked back to the car and drove home silently, looking up at the stars the whole way home.
A few days later, after school, you and Jake walked through the front door of the Kiszka home with fast food bags in your hands. When you entered, you were surprised to see two people on the couch.
It was Josh and a girl in a very similar position you and Jake were caught in last week. The two of them continued at each other as you and Jake took your coats and shoes off. Neither of them realized you were even there.
“Josh, no sex on the family couch remember?” Jake said casually, causing Josh and the girl to jump up from what they were doing.
You and Jake smiled at him and then at each other as you headed for his room with the bags of fast food and two joints waiting for you in his nightstand drawer.
March 2014:
You and Jake started going out more throughout the past month. He started making just a little bit of money from the bar gigs the band was playing. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for little dinner dates, ice skating, and bowling.
Jake’s weekends also started getting busier. He would play a show on a Saturday night, not get home until 2 or 3 am on Sunday, and would sleep until noon.
Jake put all his focus on music. He had a lot of faith that his band would go far- especially now that they had Danny with them. However for every other senior in Frankenmuth, Michigan, end of the school year preparations were the focus. Spring break, prom, graduation, and college plans were the only things anyone could talk about.
You had applied to a few colleges that interested you, mostly ones close to home. Michigan State University was only an hour away and had a good program for what you wanted to do. You were sure you’d go there. However, so did NYU. You applied to both in addition to some safety schools in Michigan and Ohio.
You convinced Jake to apply to Delta Community College in Saginaw to at least try it out. He got in. But then again, everyone gets into community college. Regardless, his mom was happy to hear that he had a realistic plan for next year in case the whole “Rockstar” thing didn’t work out.
Josh applied to Michigan State too. He wanted to study film making. He got his acceptance letter last week.
You sat at home on the computer, with your eyes scanning the screen. Jake laid on your bed with his feet up on the wall, eating grapes.
“When are you gonna be done?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you.
“In a couple seconds, I just want to check this last one.”
You had been stalking the admission sites of the schools you applied to in hopes that your application status would go from Pending to Accepted. You would even take Rejected at this point. You just wanted to know.
“Ugh, nothing yet,” you said as you closed out of the browser and shut the computer screen.
Jake got up and walked over to you in the chair. He wrapped his arms around your neck and leaned close to your ear.
“Why don’t you just wait for the letters in the mail like a normal person?” he asked with a hint of flirtation in his voice. “You know you’re gonna get in anyway.”
You sighed, “I don’t know, I just… I want to know now. Like, I just want to know what I’m doing with my life.”
Jake knelt down by your feet, looking up at you.
“Why rush it? Time is already going by too quickly. Can we just live in this moment? Here? Now?”
You bent down and wrapped your hands around his neck, resting your chin on the top of his head, “It’s scary, isn’t it? Growing up?”
“Mhm,” he nodded.
He broke away from your grasp and stood up, standing behind your chair again, and looking at you through your reflection in the mirror in front of you as he spoke.
“You know what’s coming up that’s good though?” he asked.
“What?” you asked sweetly.
“My show tomorrow. And you’re gonna be there,” he sang as he nuzzled his face into your neck, tickling you with his hair.
“Yeah I’m finally gonna see you be a rockstar.”
“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just a little bar gig,” he laughed.
“Well, I know I’ll love it no matter what,” you said, looking at his reflection.
You turned your head and connected your lips with his.
“Oooh, do I have my first groupie?” he said as he pulled back just a bit.
“Mmm, oh my God, Jake you’re soooo hot! Play that song for me again and do me in your dressing room!” you teased him in an exaggerated voice.
You both giggled at how ridiculous the thought was.
“No really. One day I’ll have groupies. And they’ll travel from all over to come see me. And they’ll throw their bras on stage,” he laughed and shook his head. “Heh. No, I’m just kidding. But imagine if that actually happened?” he smiled wide as he thought about it.
Even though he was just joking, you knew that was what he wanted. That was the only thing he wanted. Jake was going to be a rockstar. No matter what.
When Jake left your house that afternoon, you noticed a pile of mail on the dining room table. You didn’t say anything. Jake had to get home for band practice and you didn’t want to dwell on the college stuff with him again. He had to focus on the show tomorrow.
As you closed the door behind Jake, you eyed the little green MSU logo on one of the envelopes. You decided you would open it tomorrow. Jake was right- time was going by quickly and you wanted just one more day of not thinking about the fast approaching future.
The next day, you got to the bar around 9 so the band would be able to set up. You sat at a high top table with Ronnie and Jake’s mom while the guys prepared the stage. It was just a dive bar about 30 minutes outside Frankenmuth. It was dead at this point of the night. They weren’t going on until 11 so you had a lot of time to kill. Once the stage was set up, Jake came over to you with three beers in hand.
“For my ladies,” he said, putting them on the table.
The guys played here often and the owner liked them so beer on tap was free for them. You looked across the room and saw Sam and Danny in the corner, filling up red soda cups with the beer. As two kids who clearly still looked like they were in middle school, they had to be a little more subtle about it than everyone else.
Karen only allowed them one drink before the show and one after. But you knew better than her. You once saw Sam chug vodka from a bottle Josh had hidden under his bed. Who would have thought that little nerd had it in him?
“Thank you, Sir,” you joked as you took the beer from Jake and put the glass to your lips. You took a sip and held it out to him. He grabbed the glass and took one too, handing it back to you afterwards. Jake put his arm around your waist and kissed you on the cheek.
You put the glass down and snuck your hands around his waist.
“Can we talk for a second?” you asked.
“Yeah, sure,” he said as he backed away to let you hop down off the stool.
You walked over to a quieter spot near the front entrance to the bar and held out a piece of paper to him.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Read it,” you said.
He saw the green logo at the top and then looked at you, worried. He opened the folded paper, his eyes scanned over the words, and he mumbled through the sentences quickly.
His mouth opened slightly and he let out a breath, “You got in?” he whispered.
You nodded, biting your lip and looking up at him.
“Holy shit! You got in!” he said louder.
His eyes lit up and he pulled you in by the waist and kissed you hard, you felt a small smile on his lips for the duration of the kiss.
You broke away from each other and smiled. He held you there for a minute more, just looking in your eyes. “Now you can relax, right?”
“Yeah,” you sighed happily, “I’m gonna go tell Josh,” you said excitedly as you started to part from Jake.
Jake stayed where you left him as you walked over to Josh. As you spoke, he watched Josh’s face light up when you told him the news. Josh picked you up and spun you around, and then grabbed your arms and shook you around a little.
Jake smiled bittersweetly to himself. He was happy for you and Josh. But things were changing. For someone who was always so sure of his future, he was starting to question himself.
The bar started filling with more customers as the night went on. Some were regulars who talked with the bartenders and manager. Some were people who just came for a casual drink. The Wagner family was there and Danny’s parents and sister came to sit with you guys. You all talked and laughed until it was time for the boys to come on stage.
Danny walked on first and sat down at his kit. Sam slung his bass over his head. Josh fiddled with the mic stand and wrapped the cord around his arm. Jake put his guitar on and gave it a strum, letting the audience know they were ready. You recognized the chord he played, it was the one he taught you the first time you were at his house.
“Hello, everyone,” Josh began, “We are Greta Van Fleet, and we are honored to play for you this delightful evening.”
Danny hit his sticks together in a 4 beat countdown and they began.
They captivated the crowd the second they started. Some of the regulars were used to them, but even the people who didn’t know them looked impressed. They played a few songs, all ones you recognized from sitting in at some band rehearsals. Some were theirs and some were covers of songs they loved.
“This next one is a bit new. We’re gonna slow it down a little if that’s alright with you all.” Josh stated as he pulled a stool towards the mic.
Jake took off his red electric guitar and swapped it for his acoustic one.
“It’s called ‘Flower Power,’” Josh said, motioning to Jake to begin.
Jake began to strum, looking down at the guitar. The song was cute and a little folky, which you knew was something that inspired Jake a lot.
You concentrated on the words Josh sang…
“It turns to night,
Firelight.
Star shines in her eye.
Makes me feel like I’m alive”
Then it hit you. This song. It was about you.
You looked at Jake from where you were sitting. He knew you figured it out judging by how your hand was covering your mouth. His lips were fighting back a smile. He looked down at the guitar as he played, shaking his head a little. He didn’t want to break his hard rockstar exterior and he knew if he made eye contact with you, he would lose it.
They finished up their set, took a break, and did another. Each time, they were met with a large applause at the end. Jake jumped off the stage and walked towards you. People patted him on the back as he walked by, saying “Good job, kid,” as he passed them.
“I have to go take down the stage and load up in a second. But, what did you think?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table.
“You were amazing,” you said, grabbing his sweaty face and giving him a soft kiss. You teased your tongue at him but pulled back after tasting the salty sweat covering his upper lip.
“Yeah there was a pretty girl in the audience I wanted to impress,” he smirked.
“I bet she’s a hot groupie,” you teased him.
“Yeah, she didn’t throw her bra on stage but maybe she’ll come do me in the bathroom,” he joked.
“Shut up and go help your brothers,” you said, slapping his arm lightly.
Jake walked away and left you with Ronnie at the table.
“You guys are disgustingly cute,” she said, “I’m gonna miss you next year. I probably won’t miss Josh too much though. It’ll be nice and quiet without him.”
“Yeah it’ll be weird. But probably a little hard with all three of us being in college though.”
“All three of you?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side.
“Yeah, Jake’s going to Delta and Josh and I are going to Michigan State. But we’ll probably be home most weekends.”
“You sure about that? Jake told our parents last week that he’s not going and they can’t make him.”
Your mouth dropped open a bit, your eyes panned down to the floor, and you breathed out hard.
You looked back at Ronnie. Her lips were tucked in between her teeth. She knew saying that was probably a mistake.
“He didn’t tell you,” she concluded.
You shook your head and got up, “Ronnie, I- I’ll talk to you later.”
You walked out the back door of the bar and watched Jake load the last amp into the van and shut the van’s back door. It was raining slightly and he was about to walk back inside but stopped after seeing you in the doorway.
“Hey, ready to go?” he asked.
You looked at him, expressionless.
“Are you okay-”
“When were you going to tell me?” you cut him off and crossed your arms.
The rain started getting heavier. You both stood there, letting it fall on you. It was almost refreshing after being in the hot, sweaty bar for the past few hours.
“Tell you what?”
“That you weren’t going to college?”
Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed.
“Let me guess, Ronnie told you? It’s really not a big deal, I don’t even need it anyway.”
“Not even to fall back on?”
“What do you mean ‘fall back on?’ What, you don’t believe in me?”
“Jake, I never said that.”
“Well it’s obvious you’re thinking it. Tell me the truth, Baby,” he replied harshly.
You sighed and dropped your arms to your sides, “Jake, I love you but this band thing- you really think it’s going to go anywhere? At some point you have to be realistic.”
He got loud, “I am being realistic! I’m not smart like Sam! I’m not creative like Josh! I’m stup-”
“You’re Jake,” you assured him, calmly, stepping towards him, “That’s all you need to be.”
You grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in. The rain caused his hair to stick together in wet clumps. His t-shirt turned a darker color with the water it had soaked up.
His expression changed. His eyes softened. His shoulders dropped and he looked down to the ground. You’ve never seen him sad before. He looked absolutely defeated.
“Since when is being Jake something to brag about?” he sighed and rolled his eyes.
You grabbed his chin with your hands and moved his face towards yours. The rain fell in between your faces, making it hard for you to see him clearly.
“Look at me, Jacob,” you said sternly with his chin in your hand, moving it up a little. He wouldn’t look you in the eye until you forced him.
His eyes moved to meet yours. Rain droplets caught on his eyelashes, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes. He was breathing out through his nose hard and his lips were quivering.
You let go of his chin and held onto his face lightly with your palm.
“Jake, I’ve never met anyone like you. The way you play guitar? You’re good. You’re more than good, you’re amazing. So yeah, Sam is smart. Josh is creative. But you? Jake, you’re talented.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t going anywhere,” he mumbled.
You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment.
“You know what I mean. Just promise me you won’t get your hopes up. Not everyone makes it. I’m not saying I don’t believe in you. I’m just saying-”
“I know,” he interjected, “I know.”
Jake had wanted this for as long as he could remember. This was all he ever wanted. Music was all he knew. But as he felt his childhood slipping away and real life sneaking up behind him, he could see his dreams getting farther out of reach.
You pulled him into a hug and held onto him for an extra minute out there with your head on his shoulder. Neither of you cared that you were in the rain. You pulled your head back and kissed him gently on the lips. He pulled his hands from behind you and brought them to your face, wiping away the mascara that was running down your cheeks.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too,” you replied, “but, no more secrets.”
He nodded, “No more secrets. Now, come on, let’s get out of here. It’s 2 in the morning.”
Jake let go of you and led you back inside. You opened the door to see the rest of the group ready to go.
Josh and Sam hopped on either side of you, linking their arms with yours. Danny followed close behind, holding onto your shoulders.
“So,” Sam began, “What did you think? Am I your favorite?”
“It was amazing. But I’m sorry, Sam, I have a favorite already. You come in at a close second though. If only you were a little older,” you teased.
“How do you feel about twins?” Josh asked, raising an eyebrow at you.
Jake pushed through them, wrapped his arm around your waist, and pulled you out of their hold.
“Okay, enough! She’s my groupie and I’m not sharing!” he announced, placing a dramatic kiss on your cheek with a “mwah” sound.
“I actually have a question for Josh,” you stated, smirking.
“Are you considering the twin thing?” he asked, jokingly.
“No,” you said with a laugh. “I just want to know… Who the hell is ‘Mama?’”
Sam and Danny threw their heads back and laughed obnoxiously.
“Ohhhh Mamaaaa!” they both sang out in unison.
Jake pushed his body into yours playfully and looked at Josh, biting his bottom lip, waiting for his response.
“The world may never know!” Josh said mysteriously as he ran out the front door of the bar, into the rain, and dove into the backseat of the white Jeep.
Jake drove you home with Josh in the backseat, rambling on about something neither you nor Jake really understood. It was something about getting sick from being out in the cold and rain. You just smiled, nodded, and gave him the occasional “Mhmm.”
When you got home, you went to your room and saw a large envelope on your bed that read “New York University.” You knew what that meant. Everyone knew what that meant. You opened the envelope with shaking hands.
You read, “Congratulations! You have been admitted to New York University for the Fall 2014 semester.”
Fuck.
When Jake got home, Sam was already asleep and Josh ran into the shower. Jake paced around his room. He looked at the film posters and sketches Josh had taped all over his wall. He picked up the papers off of Josh’s shelf.
He read, “Mr. Joshua Kiszka, Congratulations! You have been admitted to Michigan State University for the Fall 2014 semester.”
He put down the letter and looked over at Sam sleeping and looked up the wall just above his head. Awards and certificates from robotics club, junior debate team, and honor roll were lined up one after the other. He sighed.
He looked over at his guitar sitting on his bed and smiled.
“Fuck college. I’m talented. I’m gonna make it,” he paused, “one day.”
April 2014:
Spring was finally here. All the snow had melted, little leaf buds were poking out of the tree branches, and the sun was shining warm for the first time in what felt like forever.
You and Jake decided you were going to make the best of the warm weather. Jake’s favorite thing to do was to take you on hikes. He fit in perfectly with nature. He knew all these secret places in town with paths, hills, and cliffsides that he explored with you.
He would pick up frogs, take his shoes off and walk through creeks with you on his back, and feed deer that came close enough to him. One day, you were walking in the woods far behind his house. Jake was in front of you, in search of something that he wanted to show you. Once you walked far enough, you came to a huge boulder the size of a car.
“Here it is!” he said, looking back at you.
“A giant rock?” you asked, laughing.
“No! Well, yeah,” he laughed. “But it’s not just any rock. This one is special,” he said.
It was as tall as he was, maybe a little taller. He expertly climbed up to the top of it and held his hand out for you to follow him. You used his hand to pull you up and then you both sat down on top of it with your legs dangling off the edge. Even though it was spring, the surface of the rock was still cold and you felt the chill of it through your jeans.
“What’s so special about this rock?” you asked playfully.
“A lot of firsts happened here,” he began, counting on his fingers, “First time I punched Josh in the face, first time I threw up drunk,” he laughed and paused for a second, “first kiss.”
“Ooh first kiss?” you teased, pushing him a little.
“Mhmm, Madison Carter, seventh grade.”
“You kissed Madison Carter?” you asked, kind of shocked at his choice of girl. She was not Jake’s ‘type’ at all. She was the definition of a stereotypical, mean, popular girl.
“Are you jealous?” he teased, stretching the word while flashing you that full toothed smile and wide eyes.
“Is Madison Carter here with you now?” you asked, your voice going up an octave with the question.
“No…” he said slowly.
“Then no. I’m not jealous,” you stated matter of factly, “I know I could kiss you better than her anyway.”
“Yeah?” he raised his eyebrows, “prove it.”
Slowly, you leaned your head closer to his and watched him close his eyes in anticipation. You closed the gap between the two of you, connecting your lips to his. He snaked his hand around your waist and pulled you closer. You grabbed the back of his neck and bit down on his bottom lip lightly, holding onto it with your teeth. You pulled your head away to break from him, while still holding his bottom lip in between your teeth. After a few seconds, you let go and watched his lip fall back into place as he opened his eyes.
His mouth hung open for a second and he looked shocked. Almost as if he couldn’t believe you just did that to him. His shocked expression faded into a smile as he spoke.
“Eh, I guess that was a little better,” he teased.
You turned your body to face him, sat criss crossed, and rested your hands on his thigh.
“So, what’s the ‘first’ that’s happening right now?” You asked.
“I’m with my first love,” he said as a satisfied smile spread across his face.
You looked down and smiled. When you looked back up, his expression was serious. He looked at you and his soft, tired eyes had the most loving look in them. You looked deep into them. The sunlight highlighted the caramel and gold colors which bursted out of the chocolate brown base of his irises.
He picked your hands up off his lap and planted kisses to your knuckles.
He lowered them down and continued, “It’s also a last, though,” he sighed, “My last day of being seventeen.”
You brushed the hair out of his eyes and dragged your hand down his cheek, rubbing the top of his cheekbone with your thumb.
“Bittersweet, huh?” you asked quietly.
He nodded and started to get up, brushing off the back of his jeans with his hands as he stood.
“But! I get my license tomorrow. I mean, if it all goes well, ya know?”
Jake stood up on the rock and looked down at the ground below him. Quickly, he flung himself off it and landed on his feet with a thud. He turned around to face you and waved for you to jump.
“Jake I am not jumping off this,” you warned.
“Baby, come on, it’s not even that high off the ground. This is a spot for first times! Jump!”
You shook your head at him quickly and smiled, biting your bottom lip.
“Would you like this to be the first time I break a bone?” you asked, jokingly but also seriously.
“Here, I’ll catch you,” he said, taking a step closer and extending his arms out.
You stood up slowly, closed your eyes, and breathed out hard. You bent your legs, swung your arms back a little, and pushed your feet off the rock, jumping down to Jake below you.
Your body crashed into his. You felt his arms grab you tight around your back. His legs stumbled with the force of you crashing into him. He fell backwards onto the ground with you on top of him. Both of you laughed as you hit the ground.
“I thought you said you would catch me!” You teased him.
“I did, didn’t I?” He laughed as his shoulders moved up and down and his whole body shook from laughing. His eyes squinted into two little crescent moons.
You sat up, straddled his waist, and leaned down to kiss him gently.
He broke away from you and smiled, placing his head back down on the ground.
“You know, we’re sitting in the exact spot I threw up in,” he giggled.
“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed as you crawled off him and extended your hand to lift him to his feet.
Together you walked back to civilization with him leading the way.
Jake didn’t know it then, but there was also another last that day. It was the last time he would ever go back to that spot.
April 23, 2014:
It was Jake’s 18th birthday. You were getting ready to go to the Kiszka’s house to celebrate Jake and Josh’s big day when the doorbell rang. You went downstairs and opened the door to see Jake standing there with a huge smile on his face.
“What are you doing here?” you asked, in shock, practically forgetting it was his birthday.
His eyes squinted as he flashed a little white card in between his fingers.
“Is that what I think it is?” You asked suspiciously.
“Fuck yeah! I’m legal, baby!” He said, picking you up and spinning you around.
He planted a deep kiss on your lips while lifting you up.
“Happy birthday, Baby,” you giggled as he held you in the air, holding you under your butt.
He scrunched up his nose as you sprinkled his face with a bunch of tiny kisses.
He put you down and put his freshly earned license in his wallet.
“Come on, go pack a bag. We’re going on a trip.”
“What?” You asked.
“You heard me, we’re going on a trip,” he repeated.
“Where?”
“So many questions!” he joked. “Get upstairs, go!”
He smacked your ass lightly before turning you around by the shoulders and gently pushing you back into your house.
He followed you up the stairs, down the hallway, and towards your room. Before you entered, you turned to him.
“Wait here for a second,” you said, sliding into the room and closing the door behind you.
“Are you hiding my present?” he asked from the other side of the door. He sounded like a little kid on Christmas waiting for Santa.
“Maybe,” you flirted.
You slid his present into your backpack carefully and slid the NYU acceptance paperwork into your desk drawer. You hadn’t brought it up to him yet. You planned to tell him after his birthday, when the time was right.
You opened the door back up to see Jake leaning against the hallway wall, arms folded, eyes closed, and a small smile spread across his face. You smiled at him and shook your head.
“Get in here,” you said as you grabbed his wrist, and pulled him out of his trance and into your room.
Jake still wouldn’t tell you where you were going or how long you were going for. You held stuff up to him and he would either say “yes” or “no” depending on if he thought you would need it or not. As he gave you his approval of things, you put them in your backpack.
You held up a black bra and a matching thong, raising your eyebrows at him. You placed them on your bed in front of him. You watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard.
You spoke slowly and ran your fingers over the lace details of the pieces, “Do you think I-”
“Yeah you need those. You definitely need those,” he said as he nodded his head quickly with his eyes wide.
You giggled, put the set in your backpack, and looked back at him. He was looking down and you caught a glimpse of that little nervous smile on his face.
After a few more approvals and disapprovals of things, he said, “Okay that’s good. Let’s go.”
It looked to be enough stuff for just a day or two. You went to the bathroom to get your toothbrush and some other toiletries. Jake leaned against the doorframe, impatiently tapping his fingers on the wall as you carefully put the items into the front pocket of your backpack.
When you were done, you went downstairs to explain to your mom what was going on and somehow, she already knew, giving Jake a wink from across the room.
“Did you…” you began.
“Why do you think I told you to get your laundry done yesterday?” she asked, smirking.
You said goodbye to her and Jake led you back to the Jeep in your driveway. He opened the passenger side door for you to get in and took your backpack and placed it in the backseat. You turned back to look at him as he moved things around back there, giving you a peek at a large case of beer that was covered with a blanket and smiling mischievously at you.
“Since when can 18 year olds buy beer?” you asked, jokingly.
“I’m 22 according to the state of Georgia,” he said as he closed the back door and opened the front.
He got in the driver’s seat, put the car in gear, and slowly backed out of the driveway.
After a few minutes, you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign which indicated you were leaving town. Now that he had his license, he could go anywhere he wanted.
Today was his 18th birthday. He could be doing anything right now. He could be spending the day with his family- and his twin brother. But here he was, spending it with you.
Part of you felt like you didn’t deserve him. You tried not to think about the secret you were holding from him. Especially when just last month you made him promise he wouldn’t keep any secrets from you. But you put those thoughts in the back of your mind for the time being.
Jake drove on the highway for a while, holding your leg with his right hand the entire time like he always did and tapping his fingers on it to the music on the radio.
“Do you want me to tell you where we’re going now?” he asked as he gave your leg a squeeze.
“Ugh finally! Yes, please,” you practically begged.
You turned your body to face him, and his eyes never left the road as he spoke.
“So, my family has this cabin up by Lake Huron. We go every summer for a few weeks. I’ve been wanting to take you there for ages but my mom said I had to have my license first. So now that I do, I can finally take you,” he said happily.
“You could be doing anything in the world today and you’re spending the day with me?” You asked, sounding a little guilty. “What about Josh? And your parents?”
“Baby, I have spent every second of the last eighteen years with Josh. I can’t remember a single day I spent without him. I need a break from him. Besides, my parents knew I would be leaving today so we did something last night,” he assured you.
Jake opened all the windows to the car and the fresh air blasted through, blowing wind through your hair. You felt a sudden burst of freedom you had never felt before. You and Jake were both officially adults. It felt weird. But it felt good.
He extended his left arm out the window and let out the happiest “Ahhh” you had ever heard. There was pure joy behind it. Like he felt completely at ease and at peace for the first time in a long time.
After an hour or so, Jake steered off the highway and through winding back roads with cute little cabins and cottages staggered throughout the wooded area. He turned into a gravel driveway and looked over at you as he put the car in park.
“This is it!” he said excitedly.
It was a typical Michigan lake cabin. A two story house with wood siding, a front porch, and slightly overgrown trees and bushes covering the yard and blocking most of the windows.
He jumped out of his side of the car and ran over to you, opening the passenger door and extending his hand to you. You hopped out onto the gravel driveway and he led you up the stairs and towards the front door.
He jiggled the key in the lock and when he opened it, he bent down to pick you up. He grabbed the back of your legs and placed his other arm around your back. You held your hands around his neck and he kicked the door open, walking with you in his arms through the doorway, giggling.
The walls were covered with wood paneling, framed paintings of nature scenes, and a staircase leading up to a balcony which looked down on the living room and kitchen. It was exactly what you pictured.
Jake carried you upstairs into the master bedroom. He threw you down on the bed and you laid back, resting on your elbows. He looked down at you with love in his eyes and bit his bottom lip.
“C’mere,” you whispered.
Slowly, he came closer to you. Lowering himself on top of you and placing soft kisses all over your face. You connected your lips with his and kissed him hard. He teased his tongue against your bottom lip and you let him in. You repeated the action to him. He pulled away from your lips and attached his to your neck. His lips were wet, and warm on the sensitive skin of your neck. His movements gave your whole body goosebumps. The combination of him sucking, biting, and smoothing his tongue over the slightly bruised spots sent you into another world.
“Mmm, Jake,” you moaned.
“Yeah, you like that?” he asked, as his voice vibrated against your neck, making you giggle.
He continued at you like that for a few minutes. Both of you started teasing each other, tugging at clothes, and wandering hands up and down each other’s bodies, wanting more and seeing how far the other person would take things.
Finally, you moved your neck and pushed his face away. He looked down at you with those soft, tired eyes again.
“You okay?” he breathed out, looking deep into your eyes with concern.
“Yeah, just let me look at you for a second,” you whispered, cupping his face in your hand and rubbing his cheek with your thumb.
You wanted to get a good look at him. Something inside you told you to remember this moment. Your eyes scanned his face. He was different since the first time you kissed him. His face had less baby fat on it, making his jaw sharper. The acne that was once on his forehead had faded away. His hair was longer and straighter. His cheeks and chin were rougher with more facial hair poking through. He had little brown dots just above his lip from where he had recently shaved.
For the first time, you saw him as a man.
“You’re beautiful,” you said, almost in a whisper.
Jake smiled.
“I love you,” you said.
“I love you,” he replied as he placed the most delicate kiss on your lips.
“But,” he said, “we can't do this here. I’m pretty sure Sam was conceived in this bed.”
He had a look of disgust on his face and he looked down before continuing, “Actually, Josh and I probably were too now that I think about it.”
“Ew,” you laughed as you started to sit up.
Jake sat up and shook his hair out, regaining his composure after those past few heated minutes and his little epiphany. You sat up and grabbed his hands and pulled them into your lap.
“Do you want your present now?” you asked with your eyes glimmering.
“Okay!” he said happily.
You slid off the bed, bent over with your back facing him, and dug into your backpack.
“Close your eyes,” you said flirtatiously.
“But I like this view,” he teased.
You turned your head around and gave him a “really?” kind of look.
Jake reluctantly closed his eyes and you turned around with the wrapped gift. You placed it in his lap and allowed him to open his eyes.
“Oooh,” he said, looking at the gift and looking at you. Judging by the shape, it was obvious that it was a vinyl record.
He ripped off the paper and his eyes widened.
“No way! Where the hell did you find this? I’ve been looking for this everywhere!”
“I got a little help from a certain little brother of yours,” you laughed.
He laughed, shook his head, and looked down at it like it was made of gold.
“Stephen Stills, the first one,” he breathed out, shocked.
“Do you like it?”
“Do I like it? Baby, one of the best songs of all time is on this album.”
All you could do was stare at him and smile. He had a glow in his eyes. You recognized that glow anywhere because it was the same look in his eyes that he had every time he looked at you.
“I love it, thank you,” he said, looking up at you and pushing his lips out for you to kiss him.
You spent the afternoon and early part of the evening exploring outside with him. He took you places he explored with his siblings as a kid. And of course, he showed you yet another place where he cracked his head open.
You sat on a hilltop and watched the sunset in his arms. He held you tight and hummed songs in your ear as the two of you watched the sky change from blue, to orange, to black.
You felt completely safe in his arms. No matter where you were, when you were with him, you were home.
You walked back to the cabin in the moonlight. When you got back, Jake ordered a pizza while you showered; and then he showered himself. While he was upstairs, you found an unopened bottle of wine and glasses in a cabinet. You took out two and poured some of the dark burgundy liquid in each.
He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. His hair was damp and he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a forest green t-shirt. The shoulders of the shirt were sprinkled with little drops of water that fell from his hair.
“Ooh, what’s this for?” He asked as he spotted the glasses on the kitchen counter.
“You, birthday boy,” you said, approaching him and pulling him in for a kiss.
He held your waist and leaned back, looking at you up and down.
All you had on was a big white t-shirt with a little black “Greta Van Fleet” logo in the top corner. The shirt was just see through enough for him to know what you were wearing underneath- the black lace set you held up for him in your room earlier.
“Mmm, happy birthday to me,” he said as he licked his lips.
He reached for the glasses, handing you one. You clinked them together and each took a sip.
He gasped quietly and whispered, “The record!”
He pulled away, ran up the stairs, and came back down with it in his hands. He was skipping around a little bit as he walked over to the record player. You could tell he was excited. He took it out of the casing and held the sides with his fingertips delicately. He placed it on the turntable and set the needle on it carefully.
The beginning of the first song of the album filled the air. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and smiled. He was in heaven.
He moved his head along with the song and walked over to you slowly. He extended his hand and leaned back on one foot.
“Dance with me,” he said.
You took his hand and he pulled you towards him. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and then spun you around. He pulled you back in and sang in your ear as he rocked you back and forth,
“There’s a rose in the fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”
You spun out of his arms and faced him. You grabbed his hands in yours as he continued to sing. He closed his eyes and smiled the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from him.
He started singing louder and he swayed back and forth, holding onto your hands lightly, spinning you around the kitchen as the song continued.
“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad
Don’t sit crying over good times you’ve had,”
He let go of your hands and pointed at you.
“There’s a girl right next to you,
And she’s just waiting for something to do.”
You giggled and shook your head at how silly he was being. He looked absolutely adorable.
Jake spun himself around on his feet and ran back to you to scoop you up again. You held him around his back and put your head on his chest. You rocked back and forth with him again as the song carried on.
He picked you up by the waist and put you on the counter. You wrapped your legs around him.
“Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with
Love the one you’re with,”
you both sang out, kissing each other between each line.
As the song ended and as the next one began, Jake pulled you off the countertop and into a deep hug. You rested your head on his shoulder and he rubbed your back.
“I absolutely love you,” he said, “you’re my forever, you know that?”
You looked at him. His eyes were filled with happiness and love.
“Forever?” You asked.
“Forever,” he repeated.
He kissed your forehead lovingly and held you there for a few more minutes until the pizza arrived.
The both of you listened to the rest of the record as you ate. He explained which songs were his favorites and why. You could listen to him talk about music all day. He had such deep thoughts about it. You never thought about music this way, until he came along. He showed you that music should make you feel something. It should spark something inside of you in a way nothing else ever could. It should set your soul free and make you feel at home.
You and Jake drank a lot of beer that night, stayed up late giggling and messing around, and ended up falling asleep in the early morning hours on the couch with the fireplace going.
You spent all of the next day together out in nature and in the little downtown area you stayed near, and then drove home at night.
Jake took you home and when he got home, he showed the record to his siblings.
“I tried getting this like a month ago on Ebay but someone outbid me,” he explained to Sam.
“Hmm, I wonder who that was?” Sam chuckled.
“She didn’t…” he said.
“She did,” Sam replied, smiling.
Jake fell back on his bed, laughing to himself. He was absolutely, utterly, and completely in love and everyone around him knew it.
Sam got up off his bed to leave Jake alone in his own world and before he left completely, he turned to Jake and said, “Stephen Stills 2 is better though,” with a huge smirk on his face.
May 2014:
Senior year was coming to an end. There were just two months left of school and the kids and teachers had all given up. Each afternoon was dedicated to figuring out details for prom and graduation.
You knew you were going to prom with Jake. He didn’t even have to ask you. It was obvious.
You got to his house when the school day was over to spend the afternoon together. It was a Friday so your parents allowed you to stay there later. They were also okay with you occasionally sleeping at Jake’s house on weekends if it was too late at night for him to drive you back.
Jake opened the door and the two of you walked into the kitchen to get something to eat.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, walking down the hallway to his room. You heard the door close and open a minute later and the sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached the kitchen again.
His hands were behind his back and he was breathing heavily.
“What are you doing?” You laughed as you opened a jar of cookies.
“I want to ask you something,” he replied nervously.
“You’re scaring me, Jake,” you said.
He pulled his hands from behind his back, holding a bouquet of a dozen red roses out to you.
“Y/N,” he began, “Will you go to prom with me?” He asked, biting his lip.
You took the bouquet in your hands and looked at it. Each rose was perfectly blossomed and accompanied by tiny little babies breath flowers and green leaves. You smiled brightly back at him and looked down at the bouquet, admiring it for a moment. You looked back up at him to see that his face was still full of worry.
“Eh, I’m gonna have to think about it,” you joked.
“Shut up!” he laughed.
Holding the roses, you crossed your hands behind his back and pulled him in.
“Of course I’ll go to prom with you,” you said, connecting your lips with his in a deep kiss.
He grabbed the back of your neck and continued kissing you, humming into your mouth and going for more of you until you heard a coughing sound from in the doorway.
It was Josh standing there. He made a gagging noise, walked over to you and Jake, pushed between the two of you, and hopped up on the counter, taking the jar of cookies in his lap.
You put the bouquet of flowers down on the counter. Josh handed you a cookie and threw one at Jake.
“So prom?” he asked, “are you guys officially going together, or did she say no?” he joked.
“Judging by what you just walked in on, I think you can assume she said yes,” Jake stated.
Josh nodded approvingly.
“Are you going with anyone, Josh?” you asked.
“Kind of,” he shrugged, “the drama kids are all going as a group. We rented a lake house for the weekend after if you guys want to come.”
Jake grabbed another cookie out of the jar and bit a piece off, talking with a piece of the cookie in his mouth.
“No offense, Joshua, but spending prom weekend with a bunch of drunk theater kids isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Jake laughed.
You smiled at him and held back your laughter.
“It’ll be fun but suit yourself!” Josh said as he jumped off the countertop and skipped out the room with his footsteps fading as he went down the hallway.
You heard the boys’ bedroom door shut and Jake grabbed you by the waist, closing the gap between you previously made by Josh.
“Mmm, get over here,” he said, connecting your lips to his again, softly. You tasted the sweet flavor of chocolate on his lips.
You pulled back. His hands were connected behind your back and yours ran up and down his chest.
“So what exactly do you have in mind for prom weekend?” you asked, as you moved your hands down to his stomach.
“I don’t know yet,” he said, “But I know I’m gonna be with you. That’s all I need to know right now.”
“Well, I might have something in mind,” you said quietly, looking down, and playing with the bottom of his t-shirt.
He lifted your chin up to look at him. His eyes squinted a little, like he was trying to read your face for an answer to an unspoken question. You didn’t have to say anything. He knew what you were thinking.
“Are you trying to tell me you’re-”
“Ready?” you interrupted.
He nodded.
“Yeah,” you whispered.
Jake breathed in sharply and held it in for a second. Even though he knew it was coming, he was still a little stunned.
He breathed out slowly and let go of your chin. He put both his hands on your face with his thumbs resting on your cheeks, and looked into your eyes.
“You’re sure?” he whispered.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” you replied.
Jake swallowed hard. His eyes darted all over your face and his mouth opened a little. He didn’t know what to say. He always had a smooth comeback of something to say. But this time, he didn’t. He was speechless. You knew his thoughts were racing.
“Jake, say something,” you practically begged.
Before you knew it, his lips crashed into yours. He kissed you hard and passionately. The kiss was unlike any other you’d ever experienced before. It was rough and needy. It sent shivers down your spine and made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He was going at you hungrily. You started laughing and broke away from him.
“Jesus, Jake! I didn’t mean right now!” you joked.
He laughed to himself, realizing he got carried away.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he said, still laughing.
He let you go and leaned against the counter next to you. He popped another cookie into his mouth and chewed, looking at you with a stupid smile on his face as his jaw moved up and down.
You slapped him lightly across his chest.
“What?” you asked, giggling.
“Nothing!” he laughed, “I just love you, that’s all.”
You kissed the tip of his nose, “Mhm, love you too. Now, come on.”
You grabbed the jar of cookies and he followed you out of the kitchen and onto the couch. You sat down and he threw himself down next to you. He grabbed your legs and pulled them onto his lap. He rubbed up and down your thighs before digging his hand into the jar again.
“You know this is so cliche right? Losing our virginities on prom night?” he joked.
“Keep talking and I’ll make you wait longer,” you warned him playfully.
He closed his mouth tightly and looked at you through the corners of his eyes, holding back laughter. He put another cookie into his mouth and fought back a smile as he chewed.
“How many of these are you going to eat?” you laughed.
“You’re right, I should stop. I have to watch my figure,” he teased, “You’re gonna see me naked soon.”
Prom Night:
You sat at your desk, putting the finishing touches on your makeup. The bouquet of roses Jake gave you was sitting in a vase of water on your desk next to you. They had been slowly dying but you kept them anyway.
Once you finished, you carefully put on your dress. It was a deep burgundy color that had sequin embellishments on the top half, a sweetheart neckline, and straps that rested just off your shoulders. It hugged your hips and flared out a little at the bottom perfectly. You ran your hands down your body, looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night. You were ready. There was no doubt in your mind.
You mom knocked on the door and poked her head through to tell you Jake had arrived. You gave yourself one last look of approval, and went to meet him.
As you got to the top of the stairs, you looked down and saw him standing there, talking to your parents. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a burgundy tie to match your dress. In his hand, he held a corsage. His hair was long and covered his forehead and the sides of his face. You had never seen him dressed up before. He looked perfect.
Jake turned his head and looked up the stairs, smiling. The second he saw you, the smile he had faded and his mouth opened. His eyes never left yours as he watched you walk down the stairs. When you got to the bottom, he walked over to you and put his hand on your waist and moved it to rest on your lower back.
“You look,” he paused for a second, “absolutely beautiful.”
You smiled and looked up at him, “Thank you. You look handsome.”
He gave you a light kiss and pulled away to take the corsage out of the box and put it on your wrist, a burgundy rose with black ribbons and dark green leaves. You pinned a matching boutonniere to his suit jacket.
You took pictures and your parents hugged you goodbye. They knew you’d be staying with Jake for the night.
Jake escorted you out to the car and opened the door for you. He helped you get in and leaned in to kiss you deeper, now that your parents weren’t watching. He stopped and put his hands on the seat, both hands rested on either side of your legs.
“Seriously,” he began, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
You took a second to take in the word he used. Woman.
His eyes scanned your face and he shook his head as a smile crept on his face. It was almost like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at.
The sunset in the distance highlighted the red undertones in his hair and made his eyes sparkle. His skin had a slight tan from him being outside recently. But other than that, something about him was different. He had a confidence about himself you’d never seen in him before.
Jake got in the driver’s side and held out his hand for you to hold. You took it and he brought it to his mouth and kissed it. He rubbed the top with his thumb as he drove.
When you got to the venue, you met up with Josh and the rest of your friends. Josh was wearing a similar black suit to Jake’s, but with lavender details to match one of his friends.
“You look radiant,” Josh said as he hugged you.
“Aw thank you! You look so handsome, Joshua,” you replied sweetly.
“Save a dance for me,” he said as he winked at you and walked back over to his friends.
You and Jake had a night straight out of a fairytale. You danced with friends and each other the entire time. And of course, you saved a dance for Josh, who you later found out was pretty tipsy from taking shots in the bathroom. Those theater kids really were wild.
About halfway through the night, you and Jake went outside to get some air. You looked out at the field behind the venue. The sky was filled with what looked to be millions of stars. The moon was full and bright.
Jake turned you around to face the sky. He held you from behind and rested his head on your shoulder. You rested your hands on top of his and tilted your head back onto him.
“Can I just hold you for a second?” he asked.
You nodded, closed your eyes, and breathed in deep with him.
Jake was taking in the last few moments of innocence he had left. He knew after tonight, things would be different. Things would never be this pure and sweet again. He was saying goodbye to the last part of his childhood. He was about to cross the threshold into becoming a man. He was nervous. But he was ready.
He closed his eyes and smiled into your neck, kissing it gently and tickling you with his hair. You pulled away and turned around, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He held your waist and led you back inside to finish the night.
When the prom had ended, you said bye to Josh and your friends. Josh kissed you on the cheek and wished you a good night. Jake and Josh hugged tight and did that twin thing they do where they spoke without really saying any words.
You and Jake walked back to his car hand in hand. He stopped you before you got in, placing his hands on your waist and giving you the softest kiss on the lips.
“I had the most amazing time with you tonight,” you said.
“Yeah, me too,” he smiled, biting his lip, “you ready to go home?” he asked.
“Mhm,” you said quietly, nodding your head.
The drive back to Jake’s house was quiet. You both knew why. He was breathing deep in the driver’s seat, his hands were shaking as he held the steering wheel. There was a reason he wasn’t holding your hands or your leg like he normally would. He was nervous and one thing Jake didn’t do well was hide nerves. He got quiet, jittery, and zoned out a little.
Jake pulled into the empty driveway of the dark house. Only the front door light was on. Sam was at Danny’s house and his parents took Ronnie to visit his grandparents for the weekend. They knew Josh would be away and figured you and Jake would want to be alone anyway.
When you entered the house, it felt like the time he snuck you in, in November. Back then, you were a little nervous. But this time, your heart was pounding and adrenaline was running through your veins like never before. What started as an innocent kiss in his garage had turned into something much bigger than the two of you.
Jake closed the front door behind you and pushed you against it softly as he kissed you. You grabbed the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. You pushed him back a little and saw his eyes still closed, lips wet, and a hint of a smile forming. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly, like he was in a dream.
“Come on,” he whispered.
He grabbed both your hands and pulled you off the door and down the hallway towards his room. You both walked in and he closed the door. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it back out through his mouth.
The moonlight was coming through the window, shining on his bed.
You stood in the middle of the room and took off your jewelry, placing it carefully on Josh’s bed. The only piece you kept on was the necklace Jake gave you for Christmas.
Jake walked over to you, took his tie off, and tossed it next to your jewelry. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of the white shirt he had on and pulled you close to him, resting his hands on your waist.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, looking deep into your eyes.
“I want to give you something no one else can have,” you whispered.
A small smile appeared on his face and then his expression changed back to being serious as he spoke.
“You tell me if you want me to stop, or if I’m hurting you, okay?”
“Okay,” you assured him.
“You trust me?”
“I trust you,” you confirmed.
“I love you,” he said softly.
“I love you too, Jake.”
Jake took his time with you. He was gentle, sweet, and loving. He was everything you could have asked him to be. You knew he was nervous, but he wanted this to be perfect for you. And it was. It was absolutely perfect. He put all of his anxiety behind him to make sure you were comfortable. He had wanted this for longer than you had and he still made it all about you.
You laid there next to him with your head on his chest and your legs tangled in his. His breathing slowed down and his heartbeat went back to normal. He rubbed your back and swirled his fingers along your spine. You looked up at him. The moonlight was shining on his face, highlighting his cheekbones and casting shadows over his eyes. The sweat on his face glistened in the faint white light coming through the window.
You sat up a little and reached your hand out to wipe his hair out of his face. The sweat on his forehead caused his hair to curl up just a bit. His eyes were calm and soft. The faintest smile spread across his face as he looked down at you. He was absolutely glowing.
“Thank you,” you whispered, rubbing your thumb over his cheek bone.
He lifted your chin with his knuckle and kissed your forehead.
“I love you more than ever,” he said quietly.
You didn’t reply but he didn’t need you to. He knew you loved him more than ever too.
You thought you loved him that day in the snow. You thought you loved him when he took you to the cliffside and you watched the stars. You thought you loved him when he danced around the kitchen to his favorite song. But at that moment, after giving him the last of yourself, you loved him more than you would ever love him or anyone else.
“Go to sleep, Baby,” he whispered, putting your head back down on his chest and rubbing your back again.
You fell asleep that night to the sound of his heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest underneath you.
You woke up the next morning with Jake’s leg on top of yours,his face nuzzled into your neck, and his arm wrapped around your stomach. The hairs on his legs tickled yours and the sounds of his light snoring made you giggle. You cuddled yourself against him and closed your eyes for a few more moments, taking it all in. You smelled Jake’s cologne on the pillow, which made your heart flutter with memories.
You pulled yourself out of his grasp a bit to sit up on your elbow and look around. The events of last night replayed in your mind after looking at the pile of accessories on Josh’s bed, your dress on the floor, pieces of Jake’s suit thrown around the room, and a little silver wrapper on the nightstand. You turned your head back to look at him and smiled.
The whole “afterglow” thing was real and you could see it on Jake. The morning sun was shining on him through the window. The olive tones of his tan were coming through, and just a hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. His mouth was open slightly and his lips were a little swollen. He looked so peaceful. You brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek.
He raised his eyebrows, took a deep breath in, and blinked a few times. Smiling and letting out a sigh when he realized you were next to him.
“Mmm, good morning,” he said in a deep, morning voice.
“Morning,” you replied sweetly.
He let out a hum and pulled you closer to him, tightening his hold. He kissed the side of your face and down your neck a little, softly.
“Sleep well last night?” he spoke into your neck.
“Mhmm,” you replied.
You and Jake laid there in a daze for what felt like just minutes even though it was closer to an hour. You could tell from his breathing that he fell back asleep briefly. When he woke back up, he sat up and scooted to the foot of his bed, pulling on a pair of underwear and kneeling at his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a shirt and a pair of boxers and handed them to you.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing your forehead, sneaking out of the room, and closing the door behind him.
You put on his clothes, laid back down in his bed, and breathed in his scent on the pillow. He knocked softly on the door and opened it. He walked over to you with two cups of coffee. You sat up and he handed you one.
“I put extra sugar in yours,” he said.
“Thank you, Baby,” you replied, smiling at him.
He sat down at the edge of the bed and took a sip.
“So,” he began, “did you have fun last night?” He asked suggestively, giving you a playful smirk.
You giggled, “Shut up.”
He let out a laugh through his nose and looked at you softly. His expression turned more serious before he spoke again, “You okay?” he asked quietly.
“I have never been better,” you assured him.
“Good,” he whispered back, kissing your cheek.
You scooted over, he crawled into the bed next to you, and both of you leaned against the headboard and continued to drink the coffee as you talked for a little.
“Could you tell?” he asked.
“Tell what?”
“Tell how fucking nervous I was?” He laughed.
“From your hands shaking the entire time? No, I couldn’t tell,” you answered sarcastically and laughed.
You leaned your head against his shoulder.
“You were perfect,” you assured him.
He let out a sigh of relief and turned his face to kiss the top of your head.
“You wanna shower? You can go first,” he said with his chin rested on the top of your head. You snuck your head out from under him and turned to face him.
“What if you come with me?” you suggested.
He raised his eyebrows at you. “With you as in…”
You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.
“You coming or what?” you giggled.
Jake jumped out of bed to follow you into the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster.
You spent the day with Jake at his house. Mostly eating, cuddling on the couch, and doing other things that you were both a little more comfortable doing after last night.
Sam got home in the late afternoon, walking through the door with a huge backpack on his shoulder. His skinny frame struggled to keep it up.
“Hey,” he said as he kicked his shoes off and slid the backpack onto the floor. “How was prom?”
“Good,” you and Jake replied simultaneously.
“Good? That’s it?” he asked.
“That’s it,” Jake answered.
“Hmm,” Sam said, almost suspiciously. He pointed at the two of you. “You guys look different,” he said bluntly.
“That doesn’t make any sense, Sammy,” Jake said nonchalantly.
“Yeah, Sam, you were gone for one night. How different could we possibly be?” you added.
Sam’s eyes squinted at the both of you. As someone who was very intelligent, he didn’t like when he didn’t understand what was going on. And as the youngest child, he felt like that often. He knew something was up but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He rolled his eyes and turned to walk down the hall. His footsteps faded away and he got closer to the boys’ room.
As the door of the room closed, you heard “What the fuck?” from Sam in the room. You and Jake both looked at each other, wide eyed, when it hit you that you didn’t clean up the room from last night.
When you heard Sam start the shower, you and Jake went back into the room and got rid of the evidence of last night’s events. You both decided it was a good time for you to go home, while Sam was out of the way.
When you got home, you told your mom all about prom and how much fun you had, leaving out the explicit details of course. She saw how happy Jake made you.
You went to your room to put your things away and you looked at the flowers in the vase. All of them- completely dead. You pulled one out to save and took the rest downstairs to throw away.
“Flowers finally died?” your mom asked.
“Yeah,” you said as you smiled to yourself.
June 2014:
Graduation was in two weeks. Each senior had to turn in a sentence of their after graduation plans for the ceremony’s program booklet. You and Jake laid on his bed with a notebook open, thinking of what to write for him. Josh was on his bed, texting. He had already turned in his sentence.
Jake stared at the ceiling with a pencil in his mouth. He was stuck. He didn’t exactly have typical post-graduation plans.
“What did you write, Josh?” he asked.
“I wrote that I was going to Michigan State to study filmmaking. It’s not that hard, don’t worry so much about it,” Josh shrugged.
“It’s easy to say that when you actually have a plan,” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I can’t write that I’m not going to college so I can try my luck at being a rockstar.”
He turned his head to look at you.
“Did you do yours yet?” he asked.
You bit your lip, “Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”
“Why?” he asked, looking back to the ceiling.
You took a deep breath, looked over at him, and then looked over at Josh.
“Josh,” you started, “Can you give us a second?”
“Yeah sure. But if you guys start boning, I will tell the entire world about that one time when we were thirteen and Jake-”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Jake interrupted, laughing.
Josh walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.
“I’m serious, Jake!” he called as you heard his voice trailing down the hallway, away from the door.
Jake sat up and smiled, “What do you want to talk about?”
You closed your eyes for a second and swallowed.
“Please don’t say you’re pregnant,” Jake warned.
You sat up and laughed a little, “No,” you began, “It’s about this whole college thing.”
“Okay what is it?” he asked casually.
You grabbed his hands and put them in your lap. You didn’t know how to even begin to explain this to him.
“So, you know I got into Michigan, right?”
“Mhm,” he nodded.
“Well, I also got into NYU,” you added, swallowing hard.
“NYU? As in New York?” he asked. He had the most confused look on his face.
You nodded silently.
“I mean, that’s great and all but you’re not actually gonna go,” he laughed. “You’re gonna stay here, right?” he said casually.
You bit your lip and looked down at his hands in your lap. He could tell that something was wrong because you weren’t looking him in the eyes. When you looked up, Jake’s face was full of worry. The gears were turning in his head as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. He knew where this conversation was going.
“Right?” he repeated, a little louder, with concern.
“Jake,” you started.
“You’re going aren’t you?” His voice was full of sadness, with a bit of anger mixed in.
“Jake, please don’t be mad.”
He got up off the bed, stood up, and looked down at you.
“Don’t you have to commit to these things, like, months in advance? You knew about this for a while now, didn’t you? When did you find out about this? When did you decide that you were going?”
As he rattled off questions, his tone got sharper.
“March,” you sighed. You watched his face drop, “The night of your show,” you said quietly.
“March?” He looked to the ceiling in disbelief. “The night of the show where you told me not to keep secrets from you?”
You got off the bed, walked over to him, and grabbed his hands. He pulled them away from you and crossed his arms. His eyes weren’t soft and tired anymore. They were filled with anger and betrayal. His world was just flipped upside down by the one person he trusted the most.
“Jake, I know you’re mad and I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier but there just wasn’t a good time. And your reaction right now is exactly why I waited so long to tell you,” you explained, “ I didn’t want to hurt you.”
There was a moment of silence and Jake looked to the ground before he spoke.
“You could’ve at least told me before I fucked you,” he said bluntly.
“Fucked me? Fucked me?!” You screamed as both your hands pushed into his chest and he stumbled backwards into his nightstand. The force of his back hitting it caused the entire piece of furniture to shake and things fell off the top of it and onto the floor.
His arms uncrossed and as he yelled he waved them around. “Yeah, that’s why you wanted me to do it, right? So you could get it over with before going to New York to get fucked by random guys like some cheap college slut? While I’m here, in fucking Michigan playing a bar gig once a week for two hundred fucking dollars?!”
Your jaw dropped and you breathed out hard. You could have sworn the world stopped moving for a split second. His words hurt you like nothing ever had before. It was as if he stabbed you in the chest and twisted the knife. Tears filled your eyes instantly and you looked at him with blurry vision.
“I can’t believe you just said that to me,” you whispered.
You saw the look of instant regret on his face. It was as if he couldn’t believe he just said that either.
“Baby, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t mean that.”
He walked over to you and grabbed your hands but you stepped back from him, ripping away from his touch harshly.
“No, you did,” you choked out, “you absolutely meant that.”
All he could do was shake his head and hope you would forgive him. He sat down, put his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands. He was thinking. Hard.
He looked up at you, his eyes begged you to say something. But you couldn’t. You were frozen standing there, there was a pain in your chest that still stung from his words.
He stood up and walked over to you. He wiped your tears and kissed your cheeks. You winced as he did it. You were disgusted by him right now and he knew it. You didn’t think he would ever hurt you the way he just did.
He backed away from you once he realized he needed to give you space and explain himself.
“You just sprung this whole thing on me and I don’t know how to react to it. And then you tell me not to be mad? I’m losing everything I know. How am I not supposed to be mad?” he explained.
“How are you losing everything?” you asked, throwing your hands up in the air and letting them drop to your sides.
He paused for a minute before speaking. It was just a second or two but it felt like forever.
“There’s two things in life I’m sure of. Music… and you. But now suddenly, life is telling me I can’t have either. And without those two things, I’m nothing.”
His voice got shaky as tears formed in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and tried not to let them fall.
“What makes you think you can’t have both?” you asked.
“I’m losing Josh, which means I’m losing the band,” he began.
“He’s going an hour away, it’s not the end of the world, Jake!” you cut him off as you tried to explain.
“This band is all I have!” he snapped.
“Okay and what? You don’t have me?” you shouted back.
“No, I don’t have you! Did you not just tell me you were going to go to New York?!”
“Baby, we could do long distance. We could make it work,” you suggested, trying to rationalize a plan.
“How could that ever work? For four years? At least? You realize what’s gonna happen right? You’re gonna get busy with classes and homework. You’re gonna make all new friends and have an entire new life. A life that doesn’t… doesn’t include me.”
“Jake, you know that would nev-”
“No,” said softly and shook his head, “You know it’s true. We both do. I’m gonna lose you. You’ll forget me- and I can’t handle that. Might as well end it now. Save us both some time.”
He was looking down. He couldn’t even look you in the eyes.
Your jaw dropped in disbelief. You couldn’t believe he just said that. After everything the two of you had been through, he was just going to throw it all away like this? You knew he would be upset at the news you gave him but you never expected this reaction from him.
“You really want that?” you whispered, praying he would change his mind.
He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.
“I, I…” he stuttered. He couldn’t say it but you knew exactly what he was thinking.
“You want me to leave? You want to end it now? Save you some time? Fine. I’m gone. We’re done,” you said sharply.
“That’s what I said! Go! You’re gonna do it anyway,” Jake said louder, motioning his hand to the door.
“You really want me to go?” you said. It was a question but at the same time, it wasn’t. You were confirming what he wanted.
“Yes, go! Go have fun getting bent over behind a bar by some rich New York guy. They love innocent little Midwestern girls over there,” he said, with rage in his voice.
Your eyes filled up with tears again as his words stabbed you in the heart once again.
“Fuck you,” you said, looking at him through tear filled eyes.
“Yeah, fuck you, too, Baby. Have a nice life,” he said, lifting his chin and blowing you a kiss.
You shook your head at him in disbelief and walked to the door. You grabbed the door handle and flung it open to see Sam and Josh standing there, listening to everything.
“Take me home, Josh,” you demanded.
He nodded quickly, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes.
Sam awkwardly walked away, not sure what he should do.
Josh went into the room to get his keys and you heard him speak to Jake.
“That was so fucked up,” he said.
He met you in the hallway and left Jake in the room by himself.
As you walked down the hallway and towards the front door with Josh, you heard the boys’ bedroom door slam.
Josh drove you home and sat in your driveway with you for hours while you told him everything. Everything.
He listened to what you had to say closely. He held you as you cried on his shoulder. He rubbed your back and petted your head, comforting you. His embrace was what you needed from Jake right now. But you needed someone, and other than Jake, he was a person you could trust.
Josh walked you inside and tucked you into bed. He made sure you were okay to leave alone before he left. He told your parents what happened so that you didn’t have to.
You laid there, absolutely sick. You had a lump in your throat and your stomach was in knots. Your eyes and lips were swollen from all the crying you’d done in the past few hours. You didn’t even know your body could produce that many tears. Your heart was completely ripped out of your chest.
You cried yourself to sleep that night. It was the first of many nights like that.
When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement with his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair.
Every part of his bedroom reminded him of you and he couldn’t be in there. The smell of you that he loved, lingered on his sheets and made him physically sick to the point of him vomiting.
Josh didn’t want to get in the middle of things but he knew Jake needed him just as much as you did.
Josh let Jake get it all out and calmed him down considerably. But Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night.
Jake skipped English class that entire week so you didn’t see him at school at all. You knew he was there because you saw his Jeep in the parking lot. He was avoiding you. You were glad he was though because you couldn’t handle seeing him.
On Saturday morning, your heart stopped when you saw his name light up on your phone screen.
10:38 am: Can I see you? I can come to your house.
You sat there for a while thinking if you should reply or not. You wanted to see him. You needed to see him. You wanted him to hold you and tell you things were going to be okay and that he was willing to try. You wanted to feel his arms around you and his rough hands holding your face. You wanted to push his shaggy hair out of his eyes and see his smile shining bright. You had just the tiniest bit of hope that that would happen.
You took a deep breath and answered.
10:50 am: Okay
The doorbell rang shortly after and when you opened the door, you saw him standing there looking horrific. He had bags under his eyes and the color in his face had faded. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were hollowed out. You could tell he wasn’t sleeping or eating. You started to cry just looking at him.
“Can we talk? Please?” he asked, practically begging.
You nodded and sat down on your front steps with him.
He grabbed your hands and you felt his touch for the first time in a week.
“I’m sorry for what I said,” he began.
“You should be,” you said quietly.
“I know. I just…I wanted you to be as mad as I was. I wanted you to feel guilty.”
You rolled your eyes, “Well then you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”
Tears formed in his eyes as he saw how hurt you were. He started breathing heavily and swallowed, fighting back the tears. He put his head down and closed his eyes.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he said as a single tear from his eye fell onto your hand.
“Jake,” you began, “Remember what we said? About seeing the world? What if this is my chance?”
“I thought you said we would see the world together?” he said, looking up at you.
“Jake, please,” you begged him.
Things changed. You always thought you would stay in Michigan with Jake and support him and his music. Maybe one day he would become successful and you’d be able to see the world with him. But with you and Josh leaving, and Jake’s dreams becoming more and more unattainable, it seemed like the only one who would be seeing the world was you.
You wanted to go. Jake knew you wanted to go. But the thought of leaving him behind broke your heart, and the thought of you moving on with your life broke his. He knew once you left, he would lose you little by little. And you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.
“You really want to go, don’t you?”
You nodded.
“Then, I have to let you go,” he said, “I love you, but I have to let you go,” he repeated.
He kissed your lips softly, one last time. You kissed him back and held onto the moment for as long as you could.
The tears on both your faces mixed together, causing both your cheeks to be wet. He pulled back and held your face in his hand, wiping the tears with his thumb. You shook your head, crying. His eyes that were once full of happiness and love, were full of pain and sadness.
“You’re gonna go see the world,” he whispered, “You’re gonna love it.”
With that, he kissed you on the cheek and got up. He walked over to the car, got in, and drove away.
He left you there on the steps, absolutely crushed.
You ran upstairs sobbing. You threw yourself into bed and clutched his hoodie close to feel some sort of comfort from him. You buried your face into it, smelling him on it and letting it absorb your tears.
Jake, the one person who you felt the most safe with, just completely shattered your heart into a million pieces and there was nothing you could do to fix it. There was no changing his mind. You stayed in your room for a while, just crying and thinking about him and what just happened.
A few hours later, you heard your doorbell ring. You went downstairs and opened the door to see his Jeep turning the corner. You looked down to see a cardboard box on your front step. When you looked inside, you felt a deep pain in your chest. Your hands shook as you picked through the items inside. A bunch of pictures of the two of you, your corsage from prom, and some of your clothes, including the big, white, Greta Van Fleet shirt. It wasn’t even your shirt. It was his, but he knew it was your favorite. Finally at the bottom- the Stephen Stills album you gave him for his birthday. You expected him to give you your stuff back. But you never expected to see that album sitting in the box. You picked up the album and a piece of paper, about the size of an index card, fell out. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You opened them back up and read…
Go see the world. -Jake
The next day, you dropped off a box of Jake’s stuff and left it with Sam. Inside you put the necklace he gave you for Christmas, the document of the star named after you, his clothes, and the single dead rose you kept from his prom flowers. Sam took it from you and gave you a weak smile.
“You know,” he began, “he really did love you. He still does. He just, he just doesn’t know how to deal with all this. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him. And he didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe he’ll come around, ya know? Maybe he just needs some time?”
You nodded and gave Sam a hug. It was the first and only time you ever hugged Sam. He was small, and cute, and yes he was annoying. But, you grew to absolutely adore him.
“I’m gonna miss you, Sammy,” you whispered.
He rubbed your back as he hugged you, “I’m gonna miss you too. I hope I get to see you again, one day.”
You smiled, nodded, and pulled away from him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“My first kiss!” he gasped, lightly holding his cheek over where you kissed him.
You laughed and said your final goodbye to him. You looked back at the house one last time to see Sam in the doorway, holding the box and waving at you.
Graduation day came and you watched Jake and Josh walk across the stage, one after the other. You saw Jake smile for the first time in what looked like a long time. He seemed genuinely happy. Seeing him smile like that made your heart break. That was the same smile he used to give you. Now all you could do was watch him from afar.
As he walked off stage with his diploma in hand, he looked over at you. He always knew when you were looking at him. Your eyes caught his for a moment and he gave you a small smile. You smiled softly back at him and looked away, heartbroken. That was the last time you ever saw Jake Kiszka.
After graduation, you went home and looked into the program, curious to see what Jake eventually came up with for his plans. Tears came flooding back as you read…
“Joshua M. Kiszka: Michigan State University- Film Studies”
Jake’s name was supposed to be above Josh’s, but it was skipped in the program. Jake never submitted anything. A tear fell from your eyes and hit the second K in Kiszka, splattering the ink on the paper. You put the program in the box of your stuff from Jake and shoved it under your bed, where it would stay, untouched, for years.
That summer, you kept in touch with Josh a bit. He would often ask you how you were doing, if you needed anything, and if you wanted to hang out. Even though you wanted to, you never went to see him because you knew it would hurt too much.
He mentioned Jake was doing better and putting his pain into music as a distraction. It may not have been the best coping method, but it helped. Music was always Jake’s escape and it was the only thing he had at the time.
Your contact with Josh faded as the summer went on and as the band took off. A management company was looking to work with them, which led to record deal offers and album writing. They started playing shows all around Michigan and in the upper Midwest.
Josh ended up not going to Michigan State as previously planned. He was going to put his dream of film making on hold to help Jake achieve his dream.
While Jake went after his dream, you did too. You started college in New York and buried the pain of Jake as you got busier with school, internships, jobs, and life in the city.
But through the years, you still felt him. Every time it snowed, you pictured him on top of you in the snow, wearing that beanie he loved. Every time the wind blew through your hair, your mind took you back to being on the highway with him with the windows down. The smell of pine trees made you think of his house on Christmas. Every time you ate a chocolate chip cookie, you remembered the taste of them on his lips.
You went back to Frankenmuth on breaks and for holidays but every time you did, Jake was gone. Any time you drove past the Kiszka’s house, all the lights were out and mail was piled up by the door, indicating that they haven’t been home for a while. Every now and again, people around town mentioned they were doing well. You never looked into it though. You knew it would hurt too much.
One day, you saw an advertisement that Greta Van Fleet would be the musical guest on SNL. A little voice in the back of your head told you to look them up and see what they were doing. SNL was huge and it was almost unfathomable that they actually made it. You knew they were doing well but you didn’t know they were doing that well.
You listened to that little voice and searched. You felt instant regret but you couldn’t stop yourself. As you looked at pictures of them, there was no holding back your tears.
Danny and Sam got tall and grew their hair out. Sam’s braces were gone and his sweet, baby face chiseled out, with little specks of facial hair poking out of his chin. He definitely grew into his nose, too.
Josh’s hair got curlier, and his clothes got even crazier, in the best way. It was so Josh and you loved it. He still had those wild eyes that were full of ideas and his warm smile that lit up rooms.
You breathed heavily and your heart sank when you looked at Jake’s photo. His hair was long, past his shoulders, like he always wanted. It had a bit of a wave to it and it didn’t cover his forehead anymore. His clothes were cooler. He traded his sneakers and t-shirts for boots and shirts unbuttoned to his stomach. His body was more filled out. His muscles were more defined. You were looking at pictures of a grown man. He looked good.
Out of curiosity, you watched a video of them. Jake’s voice was deeper. He still had that adorable smile and those deep eyes that sparked. You cried harder as the video played on. They were in a record store, talking about their favorites. Sam of course, was looking for something wacky and Josh was all over the film soundtracks. Your heart stopped when you saw Jake’s choice. The Stephen Stills album. He said he wanted it because of a certain song. Love the One You’re With.
You closed your eyes and images of him flashed through your mind. You saw him in the kitchen of the cabin on his birthday; spinning around on his feet and singing the song out to you. You felt his hands around your waist and his lips on your cheek. He was so happy that day. That was the day he said you were his forever.
You couldn’t take it anymore. You turned the video off and cried just as much as you did the night you had that argument with him, almost five years ago.
For years, you had pushed the memories of him away. They were too painful to even think about. But now, they came flooding back with full force- knocking the wind out of your lungs and stabbing at your heart.
Did he ever think of you the way you thought of him? He was your everything once, and you were his. Now he was nothing but a memory to you and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were nothing to him too.
Jake was out there living his dream. Performing for huge crowds, traveling all over, and playing the music he loved. This was what he always wanted and now he was actually doing it. You were proud of him but your heart had a hole where he used to be. He was out there, exploring the world, without you.
November 2019:
It was the day before Thanksgiving and your graduating class decided to do an unofficial 5 year reunion at a local bar since everyone would be home for the holiday anyway. You flew in from New York that morning and decided to go to the event. You hadn’t seen your highschool friends in a few months and you were excited to see what they were up to.
You only had one thing that made you nervous about the event but your friends told you that you had nothing to worry about in regard to seeing Jake. The band was on tour in Europe at the moment so there was no way he could be there.
Catching up with your friends was much needed. It was nice to get a break from work and the city and be back in your little hometown.
You were at the bar, about to order a drink when you heard everyone inside get louder. You looked toward the sound of the voices and saw two figures.
Brown curly hair, a striped jacket, tan pants, and little white sneakers.
Long dark hair, skinny jeans, boots, and a half buttoned black shirt.
Your stomach dropped and your heart raced at the sight of both of them. It was like the world stopped moving. You were paralyzed. The bar was filled with people, but you only saw them.
Your eyes instantly went to Jake. Him and Josh were talking to a bunch of people. Everyone wanted to hear their stories of fame and success.
Jake’s eyes were gleaming. His smile was big and shone bright like it always did.
Just as you were about to look away, he caught you. After all, he always knew when you were looking at him.
Your eyes met and everything around you suddenly stopped. His face dropped at the sight of you. He looked like he just saw a ghost.
You looked away from him, shook your head, and walked out of sight, out the back door of the bar and onto the empty patio area.
You stood outside, looking at the sky and breathing slowly to calm yourself. You heard the back door open and you closed your eyes.
“I knew you’d be out here,” you heard a deep, raspy voice say softly.
You turned around to see Jake standing there with his hands in his front pockets, looking up at the sky.
You turned your back to him and he walked up and stood next to you. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
“Care if I smoke right now?” he asked.
You shook your head, “No, you can.”
You two stood in silence for a while as the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air.
“You did it. You became a rockstar,” you finally said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah well, someone once told me I was talented,” he looked over at you, smiling slightly.
You smiled at him and then looked back up to the sky.
“So, you’re seeing the world. What’s it like?” you asked.
He let a small laugh out of his nose and breathed deeply, “Incredible,” he whispered.
You looked at him with a funny feeling inside. You were happy that he was out there living his dream. But sad because he had a whole new life now, a life that didn’t include you.
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, faintly smelling the scent of his cologne. It was the same one you used to smell on his sheets in the morning, and smell on his neck when you kissed him.
“You know,” he began, throwing the remaining bits of his cigarette on the ground, “You’re with me everywhere I go.”
“What do you mean?”
“No matter where I am in the world or what’s going on in life- every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of you.”
He pointed to a spot in the sky.
“There you are. Right above the four little ones in a row,” he said, “It’s almost like, it’s me, Josh, Sam, and Danny. And then you.”
You looked up and your vision got blurry as tears filled your eyes.
You turned to him and grabbed his hands. They were bigger and rougher than they’d been years ago.
“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” you asked.
He nodded, giving you a closed mouth smile.
You sat out there with Jake for hours. You told him all about college, work, and your life in New York. He told you all about his career, his travels, and what his brothers were up to. He told you about SNL, and that he thought of you the whole time he was in the city, hoping that maybe, just maybe you were watching. You told him you didn’t watch and you saw a small wave of sadness wash over him.
It was quiet for a moment until you spoke again.
“I never forgot you, y’know?”
“What do you mean?”
“That night. You said that I’d forget you,” you looked at him and then back to the ground, “I never did.”
He sighed and looked to the ground too. You could tell he was thinking hard. He was replaying that night in his head, just like you were.
“Do you ever regret it?” you finally asked.
He nodded and sighed, “Everyday for years I wondered what things would be like if I didn’t let you walk out of my room that night. If I went after you. Or if I would have tried. But we’ll never know, will we?”
You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders, knowing there was no hope of it now.
He asked you if you were seeing anyone and you told him about some dates you’d gone on, none of them really working out. He told you he had a girlfriend, Jita. He showed you pictures, she was beautiful. He said he told her all about you.
“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight,” you said.
“Yeah me too,” he replied.
“If you’re ever in New York, let me know,” you said.
He nodded and looked down. He put his hand behind his neck and bit his lip. There it was, that nervous little movement he always did. Even though he was a rockstar now, he was still a little kid from Frankenmuth, Michigan deep down.
“Can I hug you?” he asked quietly.
“I’d like that,” you replied.
He pulled you close to him and held you tight, with one arm around your back and the other on your head. His body was warm, and bigger than the last time he held you. You rested your head on his shoulder like you used to. His hair tickled your cheeks again and the familiar smell of him filled your lungs. You closed your eyes and took the moment in.
Even after all those years, in his arms, you felt safe, you felt at home, and most of all, you felt loved.
He pulled away and gave you a kiss on the cheek. He started to walk back inside and turned back around to you.
“You coming back in?” he asked.
“Yeah,” you answered.
You took one last look at the star in the sky. The little one right above the string of four. Tonight, it was right next to the moon. You let out a breath and smiled. You were with him everywhere he went. No matter where he was, or where you were- you were both with each other. Forever.
You turned to walk with him and he opened the door for you, letting you go before him.
“So what’s this about you being Sam’s first kiss?” he laughed as the two of you walked back inside.
Epilogue:
Josh sat in the conference room of the Greta Van Fleet management offices, typing on his computer when Jake walked in.
“Hey, we’re gonna leave in a second? You ready?” he asked, leaning on the doorframe.
“Yeah,” Josh replied, “I’m just finishing up some stuff.”
“Another screenplay?” Jake teased as he walked towards the table Josh was sitting at.
“Yeah, it’s not really my usual style but the idea just kind of came to me and I’m in the process of selling it to a production company.”
“Oh shit, what’s it about?” Jake asked.
“It’s kind of a coming of age sort of thing. It’s the story about a first love that falls apart, from the female character’s point of view. With brief insights of the male’s perspective.”
“Sounds cheesy,” Jake joked as he looked over Josh’s shoulder and tried to take a peek.
Josh looked up at him to see Jake’s eyes glancing at the screen. He closed the computer quickly.
“I saw my name,” Jake said bluntly.
“No you didn’t!” Josh replied in a high pitched voice, laughing him off.
Jake paused for a second, looking down, and thinking hard. Then it hit him. He knew exactly the story Josh was writing. He squinted his eyes and looked at Josh.
“Josh. I saw my name. I swear to God if you’re writing about what I think you’re writing about I will kill you.”
“I’m not!” Josh answered in defense, laughing nervously.
“Hm,” Jake breathed, still suspicious. He turned to leave the room, giving Josh a warning look.
When Jake closed the door behind him, Josh opened the computer back up and changed the name to Jack.
The End
October 2013:
It was the day after the kiss. You found yourself thinking about Jake throughout the day. He had always been a background character in your life. Barely a character at all to be honest. You never thought twice about him. But ever since that kiss, he was all you thought about.
You saw your phone screen light up from across the room and your stomach did cartwheels when you read what was on the screen.
INSTAGRAM: @jake_kiszka has requested to follow you.
You guessed it was safe to say he was thinking about you too.
November 2013, Thanksgiving Break:
It was Saturday night and you and Jake planned to have a movie night in the Kiszka’s basement since the twins had the house to themselves for the next few hours. You changed in the bathroom and walked into Jake’s room to help him get the pillows and blankets from his bed and bring them downstairs. He was holding a pillow in his arm when you walked in wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. He was in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. You knelt down to put your old clothes in your backpack when Jake spoke.
“Woah, Baby, you look hot,” he said as he looked you up and down.
You turned your head back around and stood up. Did he just say what you think you heard him say?
“What did you say?” you asked as you walked over to his bed.
Jake’s face dropped and a shade of pink appeared on his cheeks. “Uh, I said you look hot,” he answered. He had a little hint of panic on his face and his eyes widened a bit.
“No,” you said, stretching out the word and grabbing a second pillow which rested on the foot of his bed. “What’d you call me?”
Jake paused. He looked down at the floor and grabbed the back of his neck with his available hand. He rubbed his neck and bit his lip.
“Nothing,” he replied shyly, looking up at you through the gaps in his hair.
You walked over to him and hit him gently with the pillow you were holding. “It didn’t sound like nothing,” you said sweetly.
He hit you softly with the pillow he was holding. “Well it was nothing.”
“Say it, Jake,” you teased. You hit him harder this time.
“No.” he smiled back at you and gave you an equal hit with his pillow.
You raised the pillow at him, threatening to hit him with it again and he giggled, winding up his body with his pillow in hand.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warned playfully as he swung the pillow around your back and hit you on the butt with it. The force of his hit pushed your body closer to his and he pulled you in.
He threw his pillow onto his bed and pulled you in by the waist, giving you little, light kisses on your lips.
“Stop. Trying. To. Distract. Me.” you said in between kisses. You broke away from him and gave him a warning look.
“I’m not trying to do anything,” he whispered slyly, with a mischievous smile on his face. His smile faded a bit as he stared deep into your eyes for a moment. Holding his gaze longer than usual as his eyes seemed to get lost in yours.
While he was distracted, you quickly raised the pillow and connected it to his chest. The force caused him to stumble backwards and the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed. He fell backwards onto it laughing.
You jumped on top of him with each leg on either side of his torso and sat on his stomach. Your knees sank into his mattress and you threw the pillow out of the way. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks together, causing his lips to part. With your other hand, you grabbed his wrists and pinned them on his chest. His whole body shook underneath you as he laughed.
“Say it,” you sang out.
“If I say it will you let go of my face?” he giggled with his cheeks still smooshed together. His eyes squinted from smiling.
You let go of his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him, with your hands still holding his wrists. You released them and combed your hands through the hair covering his forehead. He brought his hands to your hips and rubbed his thumbs against the skin just above the waistband of your shorts.
He looked into your eyes deeply. He had the calmest, softest eyes and the tiniest smile appeared on his face as he spoke.
“Baby,” he whispered.
Your tongue traced your lips and you looked down at him, smiling.
“Mmm, Baby,” you repeated.
His smile widened. You could tell he liked hearing your voice speak the word out to him.
“Is that… okay?” he asked hesitantly.
“Yeah,” you nodded, “I like it.”
One of his hands moved to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to kiss him. This kiss felt different. There was something special about it. You had just reached a milestone in your relationship together, one that would stick with the two of you forever.
You broke away from Jake and crawled off of him. He sat up and you pulled him off the bed by his arm, leading him out of the room.
The two of you went out to the kitchen to make popcorn. As you were waiting for it to pop, you saw Josh in the living room watching his own movie.
“Baby can you get that big bowl from the top cabinet?” Jake asked.
Josh’s head spun around quicker than anything you’ve ever seen before.
December 2013:
It was the middle of winter break. You weren’t allowed to go to Jake’s house after the Christmas incident. You hadn’t seen him in a few days but you talked through text every day. He said he would call you at night once he got home from his grandparents house. You laid in bed, waiting for his call. At around 9 pm, his name lit up on your phone screen and you picked it up instantly.
You and Jake talked for a few hours but it felt like just a few minutes. You told each other what you did during the day and shared random stories from your lives. He told you he had a talk with Sam about girls and made you swear you would never let Sam know that you knew about it. You heard his voice get quieter as your conversation went on. You figured Josh and Sam had gone to bed.
“Tired?” you asked.
It was getting late and you could hear it in Jake’s voice that he was about to fall asleep.
“Mhmm,” he hummed, “But I missed your voice.”
“What else?” you asked, almost in a whisper.
You heard him shuffle around a bit and he began.
“I miss holding you. I miss playing with your hair. I miss your lips. I miss kissing you. I miss you kissing me. I miss how you smell,” he laughed a little, “I haven’t washed my sheets since you were here. I can smell you on them.”
You let out a small laugh.
“Mmm, that. I miss your laugh.”
You could tell from his voice that he was smiling. You wished you could see him right now. You pictured his eyes squinting as his cheeks pushed up around them. Jake had the brightest and cutest smile you’d ever seen.
You sighed, “Okay my turn. I miss your smile. The way your face lights up when you’re happy. I miss holding your hands. I miss when you rub my back when I lay on you. I miss when you kiss my neck and your hair tickles me. I miss...”
You heard him breathing slowly and deeply on the other end of the phone.
“Jake?” you asked.
“Hmm?” he replied slowly.
“Are you listening?”
“Mmm,” he replied.
He sucked in a breath through his mouth that sounded like the little snores he does when he starts to fall asleep. You giggled quietly to yourself and listened for a few more minutes. The only thing coming from the other end of the phone was Jake’s breathing.
You closed your eyes and imagined him next to you. You could practically feel his warm body holding you and making you feel safe and secure. His hands rubbing your back and tracing patterns on your skin. His legs finding their way on top of yours and the hairs on them tickling yours. His breathing and snoring noises being a lullaby to you and putting you to sleep.
You missed him more than you could even express to him. He felt like the safest place on earth. You were counting down the days until you would be in that place again.
After some time of listening to him on the other end, you started to feel tired yourself.
“Night, Baby,” you whispered. You blew a small kiss to your phone, hung up, and went to sleep.
The next morning, you woke up to a text from Jake that read,
9:32 AM: You were in my dream last night, I’ll call you later and tell you about it. I won’t fall asleep this time I promise.
January 2014:
You and Jake walked into the laundry room soaking wet and cold from the snow. You took your coats off and threw them on top of the dryer. You pulled Jake’s hat off his head and he shook out his hair, giggling. Jake left for a second and came back with changes of his clothes for both of you.
“You wanna change in here? I can leave if you want me to,” he said as he handed you the clothes.
“Stay,” you whispered as you took the clothes from his hands and put them on top of the washing machine. You walked closer to him and wrapped your hands around his back. He put his hands on your waist. A smile crept onto his face and he leaned in to kiss you softly.
“You wanna take this off?” he asked quietly, tugging at the bottom of your shirt. You nodded and raised your arms. Jake lifted the shirt up off you and over your head. He took his shirt off and threw them both on the pile on the dryer.
He lowered his head and planted gentle kisses to your collarbone.
“I love you,” he said softly between kisses.
His cold hands rested on the small of your back. The feeling of his cold hands mixed with the feeling of his cold lips on your bones gave you goosebumps all over.
You giggled and held onto his head as his mouth worked on you. He pulled his lips from you and lifted his head to look at you.
“Turn around,” he whispered.
You turned around and moved your hair to the front of your shoulder. He rested his chin on your shoulder as his hands played with your bra strap. He snaked his fingers underneath and ran them back and forth under the fabric. He stopped moving his hand when he got to the clasp.
“Can I?” his raspy voice spoke softly.
You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes connected and you nodded slowly, “Yeah,” you whispered.
He undid the clasp and pushed the straps off your shoulders. His rough fingertips slid gently down your arms. He rubbed the skin on your shoulders where the straps had once been.
“I love you,” he said again, kissing your shoulder.
You pulled your bra the rest of the way off and tossed it into the pile. You turned back around to face him and crossed your arms over your chest and rested your hands on your shoulders. You bit your lip and smiled at him.
Jake undid his jeans, kicked them off his ankles, picked them up, and put them on the pile. The only thing left on him was his boxers.
He knelt down in front of you and his eyes never left yours as he lowered himself to the floor. He put his hands on the button of your pants and you nodded at him. He undid the button and zipper and dug his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans to work them down. You held his shoulders as he pulled them off and you stepped out of them. The wetness from the snow caused them to stick to your legs a little. Jake grabbed the backs of your legs and ran his hands up and down them. He planted more kisses to each of your thighs with an “I love you,” before each one.
As he played with the waistband of your underwear you sucked in a breath. You felt his hands shaking and his breathing becoming uneven. You could practically hear your own heart beating out of your chest.
You and Jake had done things like this before. You had taken each other’s clothes off before. He had seen you like this before. You had seen him like this before. But this time it was different. This wasn’t teenage eagerness driven by hormones. It wasn’t rushed and needy. This was slow and intimate. This was out of love.
He looked back up at you, his eyes silently asked for permission. You put your hands over his and guided him as he put his thumbs through the waistband and pulled them down off you. You stepped out of them and he gathered them from the floor and threw them onto the pile of clothes. You placed your hands on the sides of his head as he kissed your hip bones softly.
“I love you,” he whispered again before and after each kiss. His hot breath on you sent shivers up and down your body.
He started working his way back up leaving wet kisses all over your stomach, your chest, and your neck, and back to your lips. He pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them as he rose to his feet. His face was an inch away from yours when he breathed you in and connected his lips to yours. His tongue teased your bottom lip and slid against yours. After a minute or so, you pulled away from him and both of you started laughing, realizing you were standing in the middle of his laundry room, cold and naked.
He reached for the dry clothes and you both put them on yourselves. When you were both fully clothed, he pulled you in close to hug you. You rested your chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent.
“I love every part of you,” he said just above a whisper.
He turned his head and kissed your cheek hard. You leaned back, grabbed his hands, and pulled them in front of him. His eyes were calm and soft. He looked completely at peace.
“You love me back, right?” he asked as a small smile formed on his lips.
“Forever,” you whispered.
Jake smiled and kissed your forehead. He broke away from you and picked up the pile of clothes and tossed them into the dryer. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room.
The Next Morning
It was pitch black in the basement when you felt Jake move next to you. Both of you were half asleep when Jake spoke.
“Mmm,” he groaned, “I have to go back upstairs,” he said as he adjusted his position.
“Stay five more minutes,” you whispered as you rubbed your hand under his shirt and up to his chest.
“I will. What time is it?” he asked in a tired voice.
You reached over him and picked up his phone that was lying next to him. It had to be close to midnight. The two of you fell asleep pretty early. The bright light of the screen made you squint your eyes but they grew wide when you read 8:34 AM.
“8:34?” you said, confused.
“What?” Jake asked in a groggy voice, making sure he heard you correctly.
You held the phone up to him so he could see for himself. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he looked around, trying to see in the darkness of the basement. The only light came from the staircase leading up to the kitchen. Jake leaned over to peer up the stairs.
“Shh, the doors still open,” he whispered.
“Can you go up and sneak into your bed? Pretend you were there all night? You think your parents will know?”
“I can’t,” he shook his head and sighed, “They’re awake. I can smell coffee.”
Jake bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you. He was trying to think of a plan. But he was also hoping you’d have one.
“Okay, if I can be quiet enough, it’s worth a shot, right? If anything, I’ll just say I came to see if you were awake, right?”
You gave him a worried look and shrugged your shoulders.
Jake pulled the blanket off him and scooted off the mattress. You sat up on your elbow and watched him nervously. He started walking slowly towards the stairs, trying to avoid his feet making any noise on the floor.
He didn’t even make it to the first step when you heard “I’m not stupid, Jacob,” coming from Kelly on the main floor.
Jake looked at you in defeat and mouthed the word “Fuck.”
“Just be ready to get out there and shovel by 9!”
“Hahaha! Busted!” you heard Sam laugh from upstairs.
Jake rolled his eyes and walked back over to you. He crawled back under the covers and laid himself on top of you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his arms around you. One of your hands held the back of his head and the other rubbed between his shoulder blades. He draped his leg over yours and the heat of his body on top of you warmed you up instantly.
“So, five more minutes, right?” he asked as you felt him smile into you and you heard the basement door close shut from the top of the steps.
February 2014:
You and Jake were on the couch in his garage. He had a space heater running close by and the garage door was locked. You had a lot of time to kill before the guys showed up for band practice. Sam and Danny were still at school and Josh had rehearsals for the school musical. And with you and Jake, what was the best way to kill time? Make out.
Things heated up quicker than usual but things were still comfortable until you found yourselves one step away from going all the way.
Both of your clothes were on the floor and Jake was on top of you with his lips planting wet, open mouthed kisses to your neck when it hit you.
“Jake, stop,” you said suddenly, causing him to pull his mouth off you and move his eyes to meet yours.
He saw the worried look in your eyes instantly.
“You okay?” he asked as he lifted himself off of you.
You shook your head and he sat back on the opposite side of the couch.
Tears started forming in your eyes as you sat up. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready.”
Jake reached down to the floor and grabbed your clothes and held them out to you. You took them and put them on as he gathered the rest of the clothes off the floor and got himself dressed.
When you looked him in the eyes you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore.
“Hey,” he said softly, “Shh, come here.”
He opened his arms up to you and you rested your head on his chest as he held you in a tight hug. He rested his chin on your head and rubbed his hands up and down your back softly, trying to calm you. He had a tight hold on you and he rocked you back and forth slowly.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly into his chest as your tears fell onto his shirt, leaving dark spots on the faded red fabric.
He broke away from you and you sat up but you kept your head looking down. He held onto your face with both hands and lifted your head up, looking deep into your eyes. His eyebrow furrowed slightly and you could tell he was concentrating on reading your emotions.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s a big deal, I get it,” he said quietly, using his thumb to wipe the tears off your cheeks.
You grabbed his hands and lowered them to your lap. You looked down and played with his fingers as you spoke.
“But I know you want to do it. Let’s just end it now and you can go do it with anyone you want,” you said.
You stopped playing with his fingers after you said it. You were waiting for him to pull his hands away from you and break up with you then and there.
But he didn’t. He put his hands on top of yours and held them still.
You looked up at him and your eyes met his. They were filled with sadness and confusion.
“Okay, yeah I want to do it. But I want to do it with you. When you want to. When you’re ready.”
You looked back down in defeat and embarrassment.
Jake let go of your hands and sat back on the couch, facing straight ahead. He turned his head to look at you. He rested his hand on your knee and rubbed it back and forth.
“Can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer,” he began.
You looked at him and nodded slightly, silently giving him permission to ask what was on his mind.
“Why don’t you want to?”
You sighed and closed your eyes for a second. He deserved to know. He was too good to you about everything related to this topic. He always asked for permission before he tried anything or before he touched you. He always stopped when you asked him to. And he never pushed you to do anything. He deserved an explanation.
“I’m just… scared I guess. Scared it’s gonna hurt. Scared I won’t be good at it. And, and scared you’re not gonna love me after.”
Jake’s shoulders dropped and he shook his head slowly like he couldn’t believe what you just said. He turned to face you, grabbed your hands, and placed them in his lap.
“Look, I can’t make any promises about the first one. And who knows about the second one. But I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. No matter what.”
He looked right into your eyes the whole time he spoke. He was serious. The most serious you’ve ever seen him. You knew he meant what he said. And he did. He never stopped loving you.
Jake got up from the couch, sat with his legs criss crossed on the floor, and pulled his acoustic guitar onto his lap. He flashed that sweet smile at you from across the room.
“Now get over here. I have more I want to teach you.”
March 2014:
It was the first weekend of the month and the only weekend where Jake wasn’t playing a show. It was also the first weekend your parents actually allowed you to stay at the Kiszka’s house overnight, instead of it being an accident.
Karen and Kelly went to a wedding out of state so it was just the four Kiszka siblings and you. No basement this time. Jake’s parents figured keeping the two of you apart didn’t work in the past so they might as well let you both sleep in Jake’s bed. As for your parents, what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. Regardless, it was certain nothing would happen with Josh and Sam in the room.
You laid on the couch in the living room, cuddled into Jake when the ending credits of the movie the five of you just finished started rolling. It was almost midnight and the majority of you were ready for bed.
Josh sighed and got up off the floor, “You guys wanna have some fun?” he asked, looking around at everyone.
“What kind of fun?” Jake asked in a cautious voice as he adjusted his position on the couch. Josh’s idea of “fun” sometimes went to the extreme.
An evil smile crept on Josh’s face as he started to walk out of the living room, “Follow me.”
Josh led the four of you into the boys’ room and instructed you to sit in a circle on the floor.
You and Jake leaned against his bed and Josh leaned against his. Sam and Ronnie sat on either side to complete the circle. Jake put his hand on your knee and you rested your hand on top of his, rubbing his hand with your thumb. You were all a little apprehensive as to what Josh had in mind- you never knew what to expect with him.
Josh dove under his bed and reached around a little, finally pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka from a brown paper bag.
Jake made a point that you all couldn’t just sit there and just drink it- there had to be something else to it. He and Josh got the idea of Never Have I Ever. You explained the basics of the game to Sam and Ronnie. The rules were simple. If you did it, you drank.
Josh placed the bottle in the middle of the circle and rubbed his hands together as he began.
“Never have I ever crashed Mom’s car,” he said giggling.
“No way! That’s not fair! You can’t single people out like that!” Jake protested, sitting up a bit and extending his arm out, pointing at Josh.
Josh handed him the bottle, “You did it. You drink.”
Jake rolled his eyes and reached for the bottle, twisted the cap off, and put the bottle to his lips. His head flew back as he took a swig.
He pulled his mouth off the bottle and winced as he swallowed. “That shits terrible,” he laughed, placing the bottle down on the floor, in the middle of the circle.
The game continued as each of you took turns. Josh got the biggest kick out of “Never have I ever used a hair straightener” and he sat there with the biggest smile on his face as the rest of you passed the bottle around and took your shots; that one in particular making Sam gag a little as he swallowed.
The five of you started to feel the effects of the liquor soon after, causing the questions to get more secretive and dirtier, and causing you all to get more giggly than ever. The four of them started targeting each other and making scenarios specific in order to get the other people to drink. Jake took shots for you when you didn’t want to or felt like you couldn’t, causing him to get a little tipsier than you.
The alcohol also caused Jake to get more cuddly and touchy. He started running his hands up and down your thigh and snaking his hands under your shirt; pulling you in close to him and rubbing his thumbs lightly on the skin of your stomach. He was just subtle enough to not catch his siblings’ attention, even though you swear you saw Josh’s eyes wandering.
It was Jake’s turn and he looked at Josh and smirked before continuing. Josh returned the same face to him. They knew what the other one was thinking, without saying anything.
“Never have I ever… gotten a boner watching Camp Rock,” Jake said, smiling smugly across the circle at Sam.
The four of you held in your laughs as you watched Sam’s face drop and turn bright red.
“What the fuck, Jake?” Sam shouted in defense.
“Care to explain, Samuel?” Ronnie giggled.
“Okay first of all, it was Camp Rock 2!” Sam protested, “And second of all- that’s not fai-“
Jake interrupted him, “It is fair! You just thought we didn’t know. We knew. Now, come on, take the shot!”
Sam rolled his eyes and brought the bottle to his mouth. Before he connected his lips, he stopped and smiled, “What if we make this more interesting?”
He placed the bottle back on the floor in front of him and pointed at it.
“I bet you I can chug a large portion of what’s left of this shit. If I do it, you each owe me $5.”
The four of you looked at Sam, confused and shocked at the same time. He seemed to be on the verge of death every time he had to drink tonight. There’s no way in hell he could pull off chugging straight from the bottle.
“You can’t,” Josh laughed.
“Yeah, there’s no fucking way!” Ronnie added.
Jake got up and grabbed the garbage can by the door and placed it next to Sam, just in case. The four of you sat as Sam’s audience, waiting for him to begin.
“Are you gonna do it or what?” Jake asked.
“Let me see the money first,” Sam stated.
Jake and Josh both crawled up to their beds and pulled out money from boxes on their shelves. Josh put $5 in front of Sam and Jake put $10 to cover both of you. Ronnie went to her room and came back with 5 singles. All of it was placed nearly in front of Sam and he smiled at it.
He picked up the bottle and raised it in the air, “To Camp Rock 2 and the start of my manhood,” he declared.
Sam brought the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and chugged.
The four of you sat there, in complete shock as Sam continued gulping down the contents of the bottle.
After some time, he popped it off his mouth, and winced as the last gulp traveled down his throat. Sam shook his head and opened his eyes to look at you all with a huge smile on his face.
The room erupted in chaos. Josh jumped on Sam and shook him around. Jake stood up and began screaming and cheering for him. You and Ronnie both fell back on your backs, laughing uncontrollably and holding onto each other for support as the room spun around you.
The five of you got even drunker as the game continued on. You all made an unspoken promise to go easy on Sam, who was definitely feeling the effects of his little stunt.
You learned a lot about the Kiszka siblings that night.
Sam sucked his thumb until he was ten.
Jake and Josh broke their mom’s favorite glass vase and hid it ever since.
Ronnie and Josh both had their first kisses when they were fifteen.
Jake was fourteen. Sam hadn’t kissed anyone yet.
Sam cheated on math tests.
Jake and Josh accidently told Sam that Santa wasn’t real when he was nine and Sam cried.
Jake ate ants on a dare when he was twelve.
Josh “borrowed” from Jake’s money stash to buy weed.
Sam had a crush on his third grade teacher.
Jake slept with his baby blanket until he was eight.
They all fed their childhood dog vegetables under the table at dinner.
With about one shot left in the bottle and Sam significantly drunker than the rest of you, the game came to a close. Jake held out the bottle to Josh and said, “Never have I ever had sex.”
Josh took the bottle from his hands and finished it off.
“Okay, I didn’t need to know that. I’m going to bed,” Ronnie said as she got up and stumbled out of the room.
“You won’t remember tomorrow anyway, Ron,” Josh replied as he climbed into his bed.
Sam crawled over to his bed and started to climb onto it slowly. He stumbled up to it, missing steps and teetering over as he got on. Jake stood up and tucked Sam into bed. He placed the garbage can next to him and rubbed his head.
“Sleep it off, Sammy,” he said before turning back to you.
Jake walked back over to you and held his hand out to you. He pulled you to your feet and led you out of the room. The two of you giggled as you stumbled down the hallway and into the dimly lit kitchen.
Jake grabbed a bunch of water bottles out of the refrigerator and handed one to you.
“Be right back,” he whispered.
While Jake was giving water to his siblings, you chugged the bottle he gave you. After a minute. you heard footsteps behind you and before you knew it, Jake’s hands were under your shirt, hugging you from behind.
“Mmm gimme a kish,” he mumbled into your ear.
You turned your body around to face him. His hands rested on your butt and you pulled him in by the waistband of his pajama pants. You kissed him sloppily, tasting the vodka on his lips and tongue.
You had never been this drunk before. In fact, you had never been drunk, period. But, even though you were drunk, with Jake, you felt safe and comfortable. Even though the alcohol caused your vision to go blurry and your words to slur a bit, you knew you were in good hands with him. He was just as drunk as you were anyway. But regardless, you knew he wouldn’t do anything or try anything that would make you uncomfortable. And if anything were to go wrong or get messy, he would be there for you.
When you closed your eyes, you felt the dizziness hit you. You pushed him back against the counter and leaned your body weight onto him to keep your balance.
His lips on yours felt different than they ever had. They were wet and warm; and his kisses had an undertone of lust.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. You concentrated harder on kissing him. You tangled your hands through his hair and pulled at it as he deepened the kiss.
Your hands traveled down to his pants and you teased the front of him with your fingertips. Jake hummed into the kisses and put his hand on top of yours, moving it to hit the spot he wanted.
He broke away from your lips and tilted his head back. “Fuck,” he whispered, dragging out the word. His eyes rolled back and he brought his head back up. He blinked a few times and brought himself back to reality. He took a deep breath in and moved your hand off him.
“We can’t do this right now, we’re fucked up,” he said slowly as his words slurred over each other ever so slightly. He moved your hand to rest on his chest.
“Mmm, you’re no fun,” you joked with your words also coming out a bit sloppily. You kissed him on the side of the mouth and he smiled a bit.
With Jake still squeezed in between you and the counter, you reached behind him to grab a piece of cold, leftover pizza from the box sitting on the counter. He opened his mouth and you giggled as you held it out to him. He took a bite and chewed it with his mouth open, fully smiling at you as his jaw moved up and down. You alternated taking a bite of your own and letting him get a bite. You both giggled as you ate, trying not to wake up his siblings. And trying to be quiet, of course, only made you laugh harder.
When you finished the pizza, Jake flicked the kitchen light off and you both went back into his bedroom. It was pitch black and the two of you laughed and shushed each other as you tried to find his bed in the darkness.
When you found it, you hopped in and pulled him in. You both laughed as he fell on top of you. Jake dipped his head down to kiss you gently and settled next to you, pulling the covers up over your heads.
He leaned over you and planted little kisses on your face and neck. You giggled as he continued and finally you broke away from him and kissed the tip of his nose. He returned a kiss to your forehead and lifted the blanket up off your heads.
You felt yourself sober up as the cool breeze hit you and as you laid there with him for a bit. Your legs tangled together and he held you close to him as the two of you closed your eyes and gave each other little kisses now and then.
You didn’t feel that dizzy feeling anymore, just a little lingering buzz.
The sounds of Josh lightly snoring began coming from the other side of the room and from farther away you heard hums and mumbles from Sam as he talked in his sleep.
“How do you sleep with them making all that noise?” you giggled.
“Used to it I guess. Just like I’m used to you hitting me in your sleep,” Jake teased.
“I do that?”
Jake laughed, “Yeah, but it’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“Good. You deserve it because you snore way louder than Josh,” you retorted back to him playfully as you gave him a peck on the lips, and rolled over.
You pressed your back into his chest and grabbed his hand, pulling it on top of you. You felt your eyelids get heavy and the last thing you remember is Jake kissing the back of your head and saying “G’night, Baby.”
Thanks to the alcohol, you slept like a rock that night. The next morning, you woke up to the sounds of Sam groaning and gagging into the garbage can.
You and Jake both sat up simultaneously when you realized what was happening, a slight headache hit you as you got up and opened your eyes fully to the bright morning light.
“Hey, you okay, Sammy?” Jake asked, climbing out of bed and going over to him.
“I should’ve asked for more money. $20 wasn’t worth it,” Sam groaned with his voice muffled by the garbage can surrounding his head.
~~~~~
It was the Monday after Jake’s show you attended at the bar. Jake wasn't in school and didn't answer his phone all day. You saw Josh at lunch and asked him where Jake was. He told you Jake was sick and stayed home for the day.
After school, Josh took you to their house and brought you to the boys room to see Jake. When you walked in, you saw Jake in bed, fast asleep.
The floor by his bed was littered with used tissues and empty water bottles. He had a box of cold medicine, a jar of vapor rub, and half empty box of tissues on the nightstand. A half dranken bottle of Gatorade was sitting in his bed next to him.
“Let me know when you want me to take you back home,” Josh said, closing the door behind him as he left the room.
Jake was cuddled up in blankets and you sat down on the edge of his bed. His cheeks were rosy, his mouth was open just a bit, and his lips were dry from breathing through his mouth. You wiped his hair out of his face and slowly he woke up.
He was confused at first, in a post nap haze, until he realized what was going on.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in a tired voice. His voice was nasally and hoarse.
“I missed you today. Josh said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s wrong?” you said as you stroked the hair on his head back.
He rubbed his face and sighed groggily. He involuntarily let out a small cough as he sighed.
“I’ve had a headache all day, my throat hurts when I swallow, I keep coughing, and I can’t breathe through my nose. My mom said it’s probably from being in the rain on Saturday,”
He was being a giant baby. Zero pain tolerance. But you had to admit- he looked absolutely adorable all cuddled up in bed.
“Poor baby,” you said, half serious, half joking.
He smiled a little as he realized how dramatic he was being. Not to mention you being there made him smile too.
You leaned down to give his cheek a kiss and he pulled back a little.
“Don’t. I don’t want to get you sick,” he said.
“Jake, my tongue was down your throat two days ago and I was in the rain with you. I’m pretty sure whatever you have, will be mine tomorrow,” you said, as you lifted up his covers and crawled into bed next to him.
You held him from behind and gave his shoulders little kisses. Through his shirt you could smell vapor rub on his back and you could only imagine how annoyed he was at his mom for rubbing it on for him.
“Just relax, Baby,” you whispered.
After a few minutes of silence, Jake spoke quietly.
“You know what would probably make me feel better?” he mumbled with his face half smushed into his pillow.
“What?” you asked.
“Can I touch your boobs?”
You let out a laugh through your nose at his request.
“Fine,” you laughed.
Jake turned his body around in bed. This time, he held you from behind. His hand snuck up under your shirt and bra and rested on your chest, rubbing his thumb on your skin.
“Feel better?” you asked sarcastically.
“Mhmm,” he said into your neck, smiling, “They got bigger.”
You smiled, rolled your eyes, and placed your hand on top of his.
Within minutes, Jake’s hand was still and he was fast asleep.
April 2014:
“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed, crawling off him and extending your hand to lift him to his feet.
Before fully leaving the wooded area, you stopped him.
“What if,” you began, “I gave you an early birthday present?”
You ran your index finger down his chest over his hoodie. A small smile formed on his face and his tongue traced over his bottom lip as he looked at you. His eyes squinted and scanned your face, trying to decipher what you meant. He was trying to read your mind but he couldn’t. He had no idea what you were about to do or say.
You walked him over to the rock and he pushed his back against it.
“You said this is a spot for firsts right?” you asked as you placed soft kisses to his cheek and jawline.
“Yeah…” he said hesitantly.
You continued kissing his jawline and lowered your lips down his neck. You broke away and gave him a soft kiss on his lips before kneeling down in front of him. You felt the coolness of the ground on your knees and leaves left over from autumn crunched underneath them.
You looked up at him and bit your lip as you smiled.
Jake’s mouth opened and he started breathing heavily when he realized what your intentions were. You reached for his belt buckle and started undoing it.
His chest moved as he breathed in deep before he spoke. “Here? Now? Fuck, Baby.”
The two of you had talked about this before. It was only a matter of time before it happened. Jake had always wanted it and left it up to you to make the move for it. And at that moment, it was the perfect time, and the perfect place. You were surrounded by the privacy of the overgrown woods and you were far enough away from his house that you couldn’t be heard.
“Mhmm, first times, right?” you said as you undid the buttons of his pants and pulled them down.
He nodded quickly and swallowed hard. As he did, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. His whole body tensed up, he tilted his head back, and his hands tangled themselves in your hair as you got to work on him.
When you were done, Jake brought you to your feet, pulled up his pants, and fastened his belt. He wiped your face with his palm before kissing you softly.
“I guess that beats first kiss, doesn’t it?” he said, smiling. He had little pink and red patches on his cheeks and neck that faded as he caught his breath.
“It better!” you laughed.
He let out a laugh from his nose and said, “Come on, we’ve been gone too long. My parents are going to get suspicious.”
Together you walked back to civilization, with him leading the way.
May 2014:
You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.
“You coming or what?” You giggled.
Jake jumped out of bed to follow you to the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster.
Jake caught up to you in the doorway and hugged you from behind. His arms wrapped around your waist and snuck around your stomach, squeezing you against his body. You giggled as the two of you walked down the hallway and into the bathroom.
You brushed your teeth and Jake left the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. He returned with fresh towels in his hands and placed them on the counter.
Jake shut the door behind him and rinsed out his mouth before pulling you close to him again. He started sprinkling your face with little kisses playfully, smiling in between each one.
He broke away from you with one last dramatic “Mwah,” to your cheek and leaned into the shower to turn the water on.
The steam from the water began to fill up the bathroom, causing fog to appear on the mirrors and window.
“Can I take this off?” Jake asked, his hands sliding along the hem of the tshirt you were wearing.
You nodded and lifted your hands up over your head as he pulled the shirt off you. He tossed it over by the door and pulled you close to him. You wrapped your arms around this neck and he held both hands behind your back. His eyes traveled down from your eyes to your chest as he fought back a smile.
“Jake?” you asked, almost in a whisper.
“Yeah?” he asked, bringing his eyes back to meet yours.
“You know I love it when you ask before you do stuff. But, you really don’t have to anymore.”
He looked into your eyes and nodded slowly. You could see him trying to make sense of what you just said in his head.
“Okay. But just promise you’ll tell me if-”
“I will.” you interrupted, already knowing what the second half of his sentence was.
You closed the gap between the two of you and pulled him in for a kiss. You tasted the mint in his mouth as you slid your tongue across his bottom lip. As the two of you continued, you felt a little bit more of Jake against your thigh.
You broke away from his lips, looked down at the obvious situation in his boxers, and giggled.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he laughed as his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He was definitely a little embarrassed but the cute smile on his face still made you melt.
“I could take care of it for you if you want?” you suggested, teasing your hand dangerously close to where he wanted you the most.
“Yes,” he breathed out, “Please.”
You backed him up against the door and his body hit it with a light thud. The steam from the shower fogged up the entire room and as you pulled away from Jake’s face, clouds of water vapor separated the two of you.
You took care of Jake and when that was done, he led you to the shower and slid open the shower door for you.
“Ladies first,” he said as you stepped in.
He followed behind and slid the glass door closed. You got under the hot running water and let it relax your muscles for a moment before the two of you switched places. He let the water fall on his head, getting it all wet. He shook it out like a dog and droplets flew everywhere. You giggled and flinched as the water got in your face.
He extended his hand out to the shelf in the shower and grabbed a bottle of face wash. You cupped your hand for him and he put a few pumps in them. You rubbed your hands together until they were sudsy and reached out for his face. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as your hands massaged the soap into his cheeks. You pushed his hair back off his forehead, and rubbed your hands over his entire face. His facial muscles relaxed as you continued. With his eyes still closed, you turned him around to rinse it off and then gave yourself a few more pumps to wash your own face with.
He stepped behind you and squeezed some shampoo in his hands. You stepped under the stream of water.
“Tip your head back for me,” he said as he rubbed the shampoo in his hands together.
You did as he said and let the water run over your face, washing the cleanser off as you felt Jake’s fingertips massage shampoo into your scalp.
You hummed and he let out a satisfied chuckle.
“Feels good?” he asked as his fingers moved in little circles and worked their way to the base of your head.
“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as he put more pressure on your scalp.
“Good,” he said softly. “Just close your eyes and relax, Baby.”
His fingers dug into your scalp, scratching and massaging it perfectly. It felt amazing.
After a bit of time, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around so you were facing him. He lifted your chin to tilt your head back as the water rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. Jake ran his fingers through your hair to make sure it was all out and when it was, you opened your eyes to meet his for the first time.
The two of you stood there for a moment just staring at each other in silence- the only sound was the running water coming from the shower head above. You silently admired each other. You admired how you both took care of each other in different intimate ways. You each knew how to make the other feel good. You didn’t know it then, but you were both teaching each other and learning how to love.
He squeezed shampoo into his hands again and rubbed it through his hair quickly. You switched places with him so he could rinse it out.
He tilted his head back and opened his mouth, letting it fill up with water. He looked at you with water filled cheeks and the tiniest smile on his closed lips. Without warning, he opened his lips slightly and released the water out to you like a fountain.
The warm water from his mouth hit your chest and you laughed out the word “Ew!”
You snuck behind him, faced the shower head, and filled your mouth with the hot water. You turned to him with your mouth full of water. He turned his face to the side and closed one eye, anticipating what was going to come next.
“I deserve it, go ahead,” he laughed as you spit out a stream of water onto his cheek.
He laughed and rinsed it off. He moved in toward you and grabbed you behind the back. He gave you a gentle but wet kiss on the lips.
You grabbed a bottle of conditioner from the shelf and held it out for him. He raised his eyebrows at you.
“Seriously?” he asked.
“You like your hair long don’t you?” you questioned.
He laughed and replied with a cautious “Yeah,”
“Then turn around,” you commanded.
He turned around and you squirted a little bit of conditioner into your hands and rubbed it into the ends of his hair. You grabbed his shoulders and turned him around and out of the stream of the running water as you combed conditioner through your own hair.
“Leave it in for a little bit,” you instructed him and he nodded.
He grabbed two bottles of body wash from the shelf and held them up for you.
“I’m going to assume you’d rather use my sister’s,” he laughed, handing you a pink bottle while he kept a black one for himself.
He picked up one of the fresh washcloths from the edge of the shower and got it wet. He held it out and you squeezed the pink soap onto it. He rubbed the washcloth around in his hand until it had suds and he brought it to your neck.
He rubbed your neck and shoulders with it and the smell of strawberries filled the shower. He ran the washcloth down your chest and to your stomach, rubbing in circles and massaging all the right parts. He moved the washcloth to your lower back and you turned around for him. He moved your hair to one side of your shoulder and swiped the washcloth over your back a few times. He moved you under the running water, allowing you to rinse the conditioner out of your hair and the soap off your body.
You reached down next to him to pick up the second washcloth and ran it under the water. He squeezed the black bottle and green gel came out onto the washcloth. You rubbed the washcloth around in your hand until it was nice and bubbly. You then rubbed his chest and neck with it. The drips of bubbles trailed down his stomach and over the bumps of his ab muscles. You used your free hand to rub along his stomach and you felt his muscles tighten with your touch. He turned around and you got his back and behind his ears.
You pulled him under the stream of water and let the conditioner and body wash run off of him. You wrapped your hands around his stomach and pressed your chest to his back, taking in the manly scent of the body wash on him and hugging him from behind. Just letting the water run in between you as you breathed in his scent.
The two of you swapped washcloths and got the other parts of your own bodies until you were both completely clean.
You rinsed and rung out the washcloths and Jake reached behind you to turn off the water. He slid the shower door open and stepped out first. He grabbed a towel from the counter and held it open for you. You walked over to him and he wrapped you in the towel, rubbing up and down your arms to warm you up. He opened the second towel and wrapped it around his waist.
You dried yourselves off and changed into your clothes in his room. You towel dried your hair and threw the towels into the hamper by the closet.
“You hungry? I’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes,” he offered as he threw a shirt over his head of damp hair.
“Is this your way of thanking me for getting you off in the bathroom?” you teased.
“It’s part of it. Just wait until after breakfast,” he smiled, wiggled his eyebrows at you, and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked out of the room and down the hallway towards the kitchen.
~~~~~
School was out for a four day weekend. Jake had saved up just enough money to take you on a getaway of your own. It wasn’t far and it wasn’t fancy, but it was you and Jake.
He booked three days at the Bavarian Inn in the main part of town.
The two of you spent every second of the stay together, uninterrupted.
It was something you both had always wanted. You had a king sized bed, privacy, and room service. For two eighteen year olds, that was all you needed.
The trip gave you opportunities to learn more about yourselves and each other.
You learned more about each others’ bodies and what each of you liked and didn’t like.
You learned that you hated when he left the cap off the toothpaste and when he peed with the bathroom door open.
He learned that he hated how your makeup and hair products took up half the bathroom counter and how you didn’t turn the bathroom fan on while you showered.
But you loved every second of it. You loved putting the toothpaste cap back on and closing the bathroom door while he stood there in front of the toilet, smiling at you like an idiot.
He loved pushing your makeup off to the side so he could sit on the counter of a steamy bathroom and talk to you while you blew dry your hair.
You both loved the quiet. The privacy. The ability to say and do whatever you wanted together. The bed. The space. The fact that there were no siblings, no parents, and no needing to go home in a few hours.
It gave you a taste of adulthood. A taste both of you liked a lot.
You laid in bed on the last morning of your stay, playing with each other's fingers and enjoying the quiet morning when you spoke.
“Do you think that one day, we could do this?” You asked.
“Do what?”
“You know, like, live together? Get an apartment or something, just us? Be able to do this every day?”
“Yeah, we could, couldn’t we?” he said as he envisioned the future and realized that it was a realistic possibility.
Jake needed that. He needed the thought of something realistic for his future. He’d been dreaming for too long.
June 2014:
Josh arrived back home around midnight that night. When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement, his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair.
Josh walked slowly down the stairs, making just enough noise for Jake to know someone was there.
“Go away,” Jake said, not even bothering to look up at who it was.
“You really want me to go away? Because I’m pretty sure I’m all you have right now.” Josh spoke harshly.
Jake looked up at him with red, swollen eyes and then looked back down.
“Sam said you threw up,” Josh said timidly. He approached the couch as if Jake was a wild animal who Josh was trying to get to take food out of his hands.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jake replied bluntly.
“You don’t have to. But when you do want to talk about it- I’m here,” Josh replied as he walked over to Jake and sat next to him on the couch.
The couch dipped down next to Jake as Josh took a seat. Josh waited there for Jake to crack. He knew his brother. He knew it was coming. He knew he was being stubborn and holding it in. Josh was tired and what he wanted more than anything was to go to bed. But he knew Jake was going to need him. The two of them sat there in silence for the better part of an hour until finally, Jake let it all go.
All Josh could do was grab him and hold him close as Jake cried on his shoulder. The shoulder that the scent of you lingered on since you did the same thing when Josh took you home. Jake smelled it and the memories of you hit him, causing more tears and the holding back of gags. When Jake opened his eyes and saw your black mascara smudged on Josh’s shirt, he cried harder realizing how much he hurt you.
After the worst of it was over, Josh pulled back from him and helped him catch his breath and breathe deeply. Josh calmed him down considerably and helped him get it all out.
Josh sat in the basement with Jake for hours while he told him everything. Everything.
At that point, Josh knew it all. He knew about the big moments as well as the little ones. He knew about all the highs and lows. He knew about all the feelings of love as well as heartbreak. He knew secrets that you and Jake kept between each other. Josh planned to hold onto these secrets for years, thinking he would take them all to the grave.
By the time Jake got it all out, it was almost 4 in the morning. Josh got up off the couch and reached his hand out to Jake.
“Come on, get up. Let’s go to bed.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?”
“Everything in that room reminds me of her. My sheets smell like her. Her clothes are in the drawers. Her pictures are on the walls. I, I tried already- I can’t go in there. I can’t even close my fucking eyes without seeing her face. My head just keeps replaying what I said to her. I can’t believe I fucking said that to her.”
“Honestly,” Josh began, “I can’t believe you said that either.”
Jake titled his head back and stared at the ceiling. He bit his lip and shook his head, still in disbelief of the events of the night as his mind, once again, replayed the conversation he had in his bedroom with you, wishing he could turn back time.
Josh told Jake he’d be right back, went upstairs, took the blanket and pillow off his own bed, and brought them downstairs to Jake.
“Just try to sleep. And let me know if you need anything, okay? Love you.” Josh said as he handed Jake a bottle of water and made him drink some of it.
Jake didn’t reply but Josh didn’t expect him to. Josh started walking up the stairs but stopped when he heard Jake call to him.
“Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you just, can you make sure she’s okay for me? Please?” Jake asked, his voice cracked as he struggled to even get the words out.
Josh nodded, “I will.”
“Thanks,” Jake paused. “For everything. Love you too.”
Josh gave him a soft smile, continued up the stairs, and flicked off the basement light.
When Josh got into his room, he grabbed the blankets off of Jake’s bed and laid down on his own bed. He was surprised when he heard a whisper coming from Sam’s side of the room.
“Hey,” Sam asked quietly, “Are they okay?”
“Only time will tell,” Josh said before closing his eyes and finally getting to fall asleep.
Jake didn’t sleep at all that night. He stayed awake for almost 3 days straight. When he did sleep, it was only short periods of time and all he saw and dreamt about was you.
Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night.
December 2013:
It was December 27, the day after the accidental Christmas sleepover situation. Jake and Josh were in their bedroom. Josh laid in his bed with headphones in, half asleep and listening to music. Jake laid on his bed, on his phone when Sam walked in slowly.
“Hey Jake?” Sam asked, leaning against the door frame to their bedroom.
“Yeah?” Jake replied casually, not looking up from his phone.
“Remember what I, what I, uh, asked you last night?” Sam said shyly.
Jake raised his head to look up at his little brother. Sam was looking at his feet, too embarrassed to even look at Jake.
“No, what did you ask?” Jake answered with a small smile forming on his face. He was playing dumb and they both knew it.
“Don’t make me say it,”
“Sam, I don’t know what you asked me last night,”
“Jake…”
“Sammy…”
“I asked you, how to, you know,”
Jake’s smile lit up his whole face and the light from his phone screen casted shadows over his eyes, making him look a little evil. He had been waiting for this moment to happen. He loved seeing Sam, who always had smart remarks, vulnerable and in need of advice on a topic that he didn’t know anything about.
“How to what?” he asked.
“How to,” Sam began and then his voice trailed off and he got quieter, “kiss a girl.”
Jake let out a laugh and sat up in bed. “Sit down, let’s talk.”
Sam sat on the edge of Jake’s bed and Jake began.
“So, for starters, when you like a girl, you’re going to get this feeling. I can’t really describe it, and it’ll hit you out of nowhere. It’s like, every time you look at her, or even think about her, you’ll feel something inside you kind of light up. She’ll make you feel like you’re alive, more alive than you’ve ever felt before.”
Sam bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows, “And you feel that with her?” he asked.
Jake sighed, “Yeah. Every time she looks at me I feel it. Every time I hear her voice. Every time I touch her. It never gets old.”
Jake looked down and smiled to himself before continuing.
“So when that feeling comes, I don’t know you’ll just have this want. A want to feel her in a different way. A want to have her close to you. A want to… kiss her.”
“Okay. But how do you actually do it?” Sam asked.
“When you’re ready to kiss her, you’ll know. You have to be ready, though. Don’t rush it. Don’t push it. And you have to ask her. You have to ask her before you do anything. Dad told you that, right?”
Sam nodded.
“And if you get the okay from her, you just lean into her, turn your head a little, close your eyes, and then kiss her. And when your lips hit hers, something will take over. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it just will. You’ll know what to do. And if she’s the right girl, you’ll feel that alive feeling when it happens. It’ll start in your chest and then go through your entire body. It’s adrenaline I guess. Hormones and shit.”
“Were you nervous?”
Jake laughed, “I have never been more nervous in my entire life. But the first one is always the hardest, ya know?”
Sam nodded and let out a “Hm.” He pursed his lips and looked down, somewhat in defeat.
“Hey,” Jake started, “It’ll happen one day. You’re young, Sam. You have your whole life ahead of you to kiss girls, or guys, or whoever you’re into.”
Sam let out a light laugh as Jake nudged him with his arm a little.
“You have to make me one promise though,” he said.
“What?” Sam asked.
“You have to stop with the jokes. And the gagging noises. And the grossed out look on your face every time she’s over and you see us doing stuff. Especially now that I know you’re not completely disgusted by it.”
Sam rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he sighed.
Jake continued, “And you know you can come to me for anything, right? Even if I do tease you a little about it?”
Sam smiled, “Yeah. Thanks.”
Jake grabbed Sam’s head and messed up his hair as Sam started to get up.
“Oh, one more question,” Sam asked on his way out the door.
“Yeah?”
“What does a blowjob feel like?”
“Google it,” Jake laughed and picked up Sam’s phone that he left behind. He threw it at Sam and Sam caught it.
Sam laughed and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Jake laid back down and wondered the same thing himself.
A minute went by and Josh spoke.
“It feels good by the way.”
May 2014:
Josh came home from prom weekend late Sunday night.
Jake was in the boys’ room by himself, laying in bed, texting, and eating chips straight out of the bag when the door to the boys bedroom flung open with full force.
“Hello Jacob,” Josh said slyly, giving him a suggestive smirk.
Jake looked up from his phone and met eyes with Josh who was walking towards his own bed. Jake’s eyes followed him. Both of them knew what eachother was thinking.
Josh knew what happened. Jake knew that Josh knew. Neither of them told each other. But they knew.
It was almost as if it was a contest to see who would crack a full smile first.
Jake lost the contest.
The second Jake’s lips parted and broke out into a smile, Josh jumped onto Jake’s bed and sat on top of him.
Josh immediately began making obnoxious thrusting movements on the bed, on top of Jake.
“Oh yeahhh, Baby,” he teased in a deep voice as the bed shook underneath him.
“Oh, Jake, yes right there! Don’t stop!” he teased again, this time in a high pitched voice.
“Get off me you freak!” Jake laughed as he pushed Josh off him. With the push, Josh rolled off of Jake and his feet hit their bedroom floor once again.
Josh grabbed the bag of chips out of Jake’s hands and threw himself on his own bed as both their laughter faded.
He dug his hand into the bag of chips and spoke, “Feel any different?” he asked, popping a chip into his mouth.
“Kind of,” Jake admitted, “It sort of feels like I’m in on this big secret now. I can’t really explain it,”
Josh nodded. Josh knew what he meant, having experienced this for himself too.
“Do Mom and Dad know?” Josh asked.
“Fuck no!” Jake answered quickly, “I think Sam knows though,”
“Sam knows what?” Sam asked, entering the room and walking over to the dresser by his bed.
“Nothing. Just that we have a gig next week, that’s all,” Jake answered quickly, covering up the conversation he was just having with Josh.
“Oh, yeah. I know,” Sam answered as he opened the top drawer of the dresser.
Sam dug around in his dresser quietly. Jake and Josh looked at each other silently, and then looked back at Sam, who was clearly trying to eavesdrop.
After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke again.
“So was it good?” he asked with his voice just above a whisper.
Jake looked back over at Josh with a smile slowly spreading across his face.
“Amazing.”
Sam turned around instantly and pointed his finger at Jake.
“Aha! You did have sex! I knew it!” Sam called out, proud of himself for coming to that conclusion but also foolishly forgetting that the door to their bedroom was open.
“SAM SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The twins both shouted in unison.
Jake rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath as he got up, grabbed the bag of chips from Josh’s hands, and laid back down on his own bed.
Josh pulled out his phone and typed out a text to Jake, trying not to catch Sam’s attention.
JOSH: By the way, you should probably tell Dad.
Jake didn’t reply. He just looked at Josh, who was looking back at him with a serious expression. Josh began typing again.
JOSH: He’s not gonna be mad. I promise.
JOSH: Just do it now. Before Sam does.
Jake looked at the messages and then over at Josh again and sighed. He got up out of bed and walked out of the room.
“Walk of shame,” Sam said, adding a little “tsk tsk,” after.
That night, all three boys went to sleep close to midnight.
The late night thoughts got to each of them.
Jake felt whole. He felt good. He felt like a man now. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was able to have mature conversations with his older brother and father now. He could understand them. They could understand him. Plus, he knew he made a good choice with how and when he did it. The wait was worth it.
Sam felt curious. Still not even having kissed anyone yet, he wondered what his brothers felt. He couldn’t even begin to know. He hadn’t even taken that first step. The hardest one- and he wasn’t even close to it yet. He wondered if he would ever get to that step.
Josh felt conflicted. He was happy for Jake. Seeing his twin brother so in love made his heart fill up. But he was jealous. He didn’t get to have what Jake had. He hadn’t experienced “love” yet. He regretted his first time. Her family moved away last year. He didn’t even know where she was now. He wanted to feel what Jake felt. Usually, he always felt how Jake felt. But for the first time in his life, he couldn’t. He could see it on Jake though and he just wondered, would he ever feel that way? Would he ever have that? Ever?
June 2014:
Jake had been living in the basement for the past three days. He hadn’t slept. He hadn’t eaten. He hadn’t showered. All he did was lay there in Josh’s blanket, watch tv with a blank stare, and cry at night.
Kelly and Karen talked amongst themselves and came up with a plan in an attempt to get him moving a little. They figured Josh would be the best one to talk to him. He could tell him things without really telling him things. Twins.
Josh went downstairs one afternoon and sat down next to Jake on the couch.
“Moms washing your sheets and then me, her, and Ronnie are gonna go out for a little. Dads gonna take Sam out too. So… if you want to do anything by yourself, you could, you know?”
Jake knew what he meant.
Jake nodded and turned his back to Josh, covering himself with the blanket again.
Josh went back upstairs and Jake laid there and waited to hear the sounds of two cars leaving the driveway.
After a few minutes of silence, he sat up. He listened for any noise and there was nothing. For the first time since October, he was actually completely alone.
He stood up and looked around himself for a second before heading upstairs.
The house was still and silent, which contrasted to its normal busy and bustling energy.
He peeked into his room to see that his sheets, blankets, and pillows were off his bed. He went into the laundry room and opened the lid of the running washing machine. He watched the soap and bubbles slosh through his bed sheets.
He grabbed some clothes from a basket of clean clothes and headed for the bathroom. A white shirt and black sweatpants. The clothes were Josh’s but he didn’t care. He’d been wearing the same clothes for three days and he wasn’t ready to face his bedroom yet. He knew what he’d find when he opened the drawers.
Jake walked into the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest setting.
He let it reach its full temperature and stepped in. He stood there with his head down and his eyes closed, just letting the water nearly burn his body. It hurt. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to feel pain on something besides his heart. He wanted to hurt himself for what he did. He wanted to punish himself.
After a while, he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned the temperature down and properly washed himself, head to toe. It felt good.
He spotted Ronnie’s pink bottle of shower gel. He looked at it and thought for a second. He shouldn’t.
But he couldn’t stop himself.
He picked up the bottle and opened it. He lifted it to his nose and instantly regretted his decision.
He felt his heart sink as the smell of the strawberry body wash brought back memories. She had used it a few times there before. It reminded him of her and how she smelled when she was with him at home.
He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. It took all the mental strength he had to put the bottle back down.
A small wave of pride rushed through him. This was a step. A baby step, but a step nonetheless.
He finished showering and threw on Josh’s clothes. Before leaving the bathroom, he took the pink strawberry body wash bottle and tossed it in the garbage can.
By the time he was done in the shower, he went back to the laundry room to see his sheets were finished being washed. He opened the lid and peeked inside. The sheets were wet, but clean.
He grabbed the detergent from the shelf above the machine and poured more in there. He hit the wash button again and watched the water fill up before closing the lid.
He walked into the kitchen to see some of his favorite snacks conveniently placed on the counter. For the first time in days, he felt hungry.
He grabbed a bag of pretzels and went downstairs. Right before opening the basement door again, he stopped. He looked down the hallway towards his bedroom. It was a straight shot down the hall and he could see his bed and area of the room perfectly from where he was. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Another day,” he thought to himself as he turned his vision back to the basement door and opened it, heading back down for the remainder of the night.
~~~~~
The next day, Jake returned to his bedroom with a cardboard box in his hand. His bed was made and his sheets were clean. But he was dreading what he knew he had to do next.
He stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter.
“You coming in?” Josh asked from his bed as he looked up at Jake.
Jake walked into his room for the first time since the argument. He looked at josh and then looked over at Sam, who was reading a book in his little corner area of the bedroom.
“Get out,” Jake said bluntly.
Sam rolled his eyes, got up, and mumbled something under his breath as he walked past Jake and closed the door behind him.
Jake placed the box down on his bed. Josh already knew what Jake’s intentions were.
He got out of bed and stood next to Jake. The two of them stared at the empty box that was sitting on Jake’s bed.
“Pictures, clothes, anything girly you find,” Jake said.
Josh nodded and the two of them got started.
They worked in silence for a bit. Jake cleared his drawers of her clothes and stuff she had left behind, not realizing it was the last time she’d be in the house. Josh took pictures off the walls surrounding Jake’s bed. He took good looks at them as he peeled the tape off and placed them in a pile.
After a while, Josh broke the silence.
“I missed you,” he said quietly, not making eye contact with Jake.
“Yeah,” Jake whispered, “me too.”
“You wanna do something later? Just us?”
Jake nodded, “Yeah,” he sighed, “Gonna go talk to her and give this stuff back so, after, okay? I’m probably gonna need you,”
Josh pushed his body into Jake’s, “I’m always here for you, little brother,”
“By five minutes,” Jake laughed. It was the first time Jake had smiled in days.
~~~~~
Jake continued to skip English class for that next week so he wouldn’t see her. He avoided her in the hallways. He went different routes so he wouldn’t run into her. He waited after school for her to leave before he left himself so he wouldn't see her in the parking lot. What he was doing was obvious. He wasn’t subtle about it.
On Sunday morning, Jake laid in his bed when his mom came into his room and sat down on the edge. It had been over a week since the breakup and Jake was finally back in his own bed.
“I got an email from your English teacher,” she said, “you stopped going to class and haven’t turned in almost two week's worth of work. You’re failing.”
Jake sighed and turned over, facing the wall.
“I don’t care,” Jake sighed, pulling the covers over his head.
“You should care,” she said firmly, “He said you won’t graduate unless you turn in that final essay. If you do a good job on it, he’ll let you pass the class with a D.”
The essay was due tomorrow, on a book Jake didn’t even read. He was supposed to start it last week with her right after they wrote out their future plans for the graduation program booklet. But obviously, that didn’t end up happening.
The book and the essay were the last things on Jake’s mind. He was decent at reading and writing, but stuff like this took time for him. There’s no way he could do a good job on it and turn it in by Monday.
That day, he tried to read the book. He looked up the plot online. He tried to find or think of an essay idea to write about. He had nothing. He couldn’t focus on anything. Every sentence in the book reminded him of her. He could associate every word in the book with her. He couldn’t even get through one page without starting to feel his heart drop.
He was going to fail. And since he didn’t have plans for next year anyway, who cared about repeating the grade, right?
On Monday, he walked into English class with his hood covering his head. It was his first time back in class after a week of skipping. He sat down in the corner of the room, opposite from where he normally sat. He crossed his arms and lowered his head so only his nose and eyes could be seen.
At the end of class, everyone was instructed to turn their essays in before leaving.
Jake had nothing.
He waited until everyone left the room and then walked out without turning in any work.
“I can’t pass you, Jake,” his teacher warned sympathetically as he walked out.
“See you next year, Mr. H.” Jake said in a monotone voice.
Friday was the last day of school. The final essays were being passed back to the class, one by one.
Each student in class smiled and whispered as they all flipped their papers over to see their grades.
To Jake’s surprise, a typed and stapled essay appeared on his desk, face down.
“I could only give you a B since you turned it in late. But you did a good job. It’ll give you the final grade you need to graduate,” his teacher said quietly as he passed his desk.
Jake looked at the paper on his desk and then up at him.
“I- I didn’t…” he stuttered. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before his teacher walked away to pass the rest of the essays out.
Jake flipped over the paper to see his name typed at the top and a B+ written in the corner of the paper in red ink.
He skimmed the essay and flipped the pages quickly. It met every requirement. Three pages. Double spaced. Cited Sources. Everything.
The bell rang and everyone got up to leave. They all said their last goodbyes to their teacher before heading to their next class. Again, Jake waited for everyone else to leave before getting up.
Jake approached his teacher's desk and before he could get any closer, he stopped him and said, “Jake, I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened. But, she’s good to you. Don’t lose her.”
Jake bit the inside of his cheek, rolled the paper up in his hand, and looked down at it.
“I already did,” he whispered, starting to walk out of class.
“Good luck next year, Jake. Wherever life takes you. I have a feeling life’s got big plans for you.”
Jake gave him a small smile and waved as he left the classroom for the last time.
As he entered the hallway, he looked to the right to see a shadow around the corner quickly disappear.
That night Jake got home to see two gray and red cap and gown sets laid out on the family’s couch.
He pulled out his phone from his pocket and sent a text.
6:45 PM: Thanks.
She got the text. She didn’t reply.
It took everything she had in her not to reply. And she didn’t know it, but it took everything he had in him not to type “Love you,” at the end.
November 1, 2014:
It was November 1, 2014. You and Jake’s one year anniversary.
After the initial shock of you going to New York for college wore off, Jake came around after some time and offered to try long distance starting in the fall. You were glad that he was willing to try and glad that the relationship you had with him was still strong. After all, what couple doesn’t get into a fight here and there?
The summer you and Jake spent together was indescribable. You spent almost every day together.
You rode bikes, went camping, got ice cream, and went swimming. Usually, you would stay out all day and all night with him and then sneak each other back into your rooms in the early morning hours for a few hours of sleep.
You went to his family’s lakehouse cabin with him and Josh a few times for a few days at a time in between his gigs.
He started playing more outdoor shows in Michigan and some surrounding states for fairs and auto shows. Sometimes, the two of you would drive a couple hours together for him to play a show for twenty people, and then you’d stay in a crappy motel for the night or you’d sleep in the car as he drove back home. You were doing it, you were seeing the world with him. Little by little.
The summer quickly came to an end though and before you knew it, your parents' car was packed with your clothes and dorm supplies, and you were set to head off to New York. Without him.
The last time you saw him in person was outside his house at 6 am on an August morning. You were saying your last goodbye to him before you and your parents road tripped to New York to drop you off at school.
That was the last time you hugged him. The last time you kissed him. The last time you felt him.
He hugged you tighter than he ever had before and you did the same to him. Neither of you wanted to let the other go. You knew it would be the last time you saw him for a while.
You’ll never forget him standing there in the middle of his driveway, in pajama pants, wiping tears off his face as the car drove away.
He would have come for the drive if he could. But he couldn’t. You understood though. Sam was starting high school in a few days and the band had become busier than ever with shows, rehearsals, and writing and recording sessions scheduled by the little management company that picked them up over the summer.
As summer ended and fall began, the two of you had gotten busy. You with school, and him with the band. Things were picking up for them and you couldn’t have been happier for Jake. The dream he thought he lost forever was back in his grasp and he was achieving it slowly and surely. And regardless of your busy schedules, you always made time for each other where you could fit it. The two of you relied on texts, facetime, and phone calls to stay in touch. You mostly texted throughout the day and called each other when you both had a free afternoon or night.
Thanksgiving break was coming up and you planned to go home to spend the entire long weekend with your family and Jake. You had been counting down the days for weeks.
You had just got out of class for the day and you were texting Jake on the walk back to your dorm. The two of you planned a little Facetime dinner date for your anniversary. It wouldn’t be much, but it was all you could do. Besides, your roommate already had plans for the weekend to stay with her boyfriend, who went to school in Brooklyn, so you had the room to yourself.
Yellow, brown, and orange leaves blew through the fall air and crunched under your shoes as you walked. The sun was just about to set for the night and it left a golden hue in the sky. New York City in the fall was absolutely perfect.
4:47 PM: I just got out of class. I’m gonna get food real quick so give me like ten minutes.
He replied instantly.
4:48 PM: Okay, talk to you soon my love.
Your heart skipped a beat for a second at his words. My love.
You smiled at your phone as your heart filled with warmth. In just a few minutes, you’d be able to hear his voice. And in just a few weeks, you would be seeing him in real life. You could practically feel him already.
You looked up from your phone and continued down the sidewalk. You turned the corner to see your dorm building in the distance.
As you got closer to your building, you reached down into your bag to find your key. When you looked back up, you saw someone leaning against the building in a denim jacket and a knitted hat with a red and black flannel shirt peeking out from underneath. It seemed to be a guy with wavy, shoulder length brown hair that fell from the hat. He was looking down at his phone.
There was no way.
You had pictured his face on strangers in the city a million times. You did double takes at guys with long hair you passed in the streets. There was no way it was him. Your mind was playing tricks on you again.
But then you saw it.
He put his head down and grabbed the back of his neck. It was that same little movement he always did when he was nervous.
Jake.
You started walking faster until you got closer to him. You spoke loud enough for him to hear. At the sound of your voice, his head shot up and a smile lit up his face instantly.
“What are you doing here?” you shouted. You barely even finished what you were saying when he picked you up off the ground and spun you around in his arms.
He placed you down on the sidewalk and held your face in his palms.
“Hi Baby,” he whispered, giving you the sweetest kiss on the lips.
You broke away from him and looked at him in disbelief. He looked different that he had the last time you saw him.
You grabbed his chin to feel stubble covering it. You held onto his hair and felt the new length of it at your fingertips. It was almost touching his shoulders at that point. It was almost like you were feeling to see if he was real or not. And he was. He was a little different. But he was real. And he was Jake.
“How did you? When did you?” you asked, barely even able to form a full sentence.
“My flight landed at 2, I took a couple trains, walked around a little, got lost for a second, and then boom- found it,” he explained as he looked up at your building.
“You did this for me? I’m coming home for Thanksgiving in two weeks!” you said, still in shock.
“I did it for us,” he smiled, “Plus, one year is a big deal. At least that's what my mom said.”
“Jacob Thomas Kiszka. You are unbelievable. You know that, right?”
He raised his eyebrows, bit his bottom lip, smiled, and nodded.
“Happy one year anniversary, Y/N,” he said softly.
“Happy anniversary, Jake,” you replied.
He smiled at you softly before placing a gentle kiss on your lips. His lips were soft and his kiss was sweet, just like they always were.
You continued kissing him and the two of you deepened your kisses. You grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in towards you. He pulled you in by your back. You kissed him hard, not even caring that you were in the middle of the sidewalk.
The feeling of his lips on yours after two months was like none other. It was like no time had passed between the two of you. As you kissed him, memories of every single kiss you shared with him flooded your brain.
The first kiss in his garage.
The kiss in his car after the two of you made things official.
The kiss in his bedroom on Christmas.
The kiss in the snow when he told you he loved you.
The kiss on the cliffside when you watched the stars.
The kiss in the rain outside of the bar you went to see him play a show at.
The kiss in the kitchen of his family's cabin on his birthday.
The kiss right before you gave him your virginity.
Every. Single. One.
He pulled back after a moment and gave you one more softer kiss.
“Love you,” he whispered.
“Love you, too,” you replied.
You stood there staring at each other for a moment until Jake broke the silence.
“So,” he said as he held his hands on the small of your back, pulling you in towards him slightly, “I’m here all weekend. Show me around.”
You grabbed his hand and pulled him into your building, now extra thankful your roommate had left for the weekend already. Both of you knew what your first activity together would be.
After you and Jake had a nice little reunion in your room, you took him out to see the city you’ve lived in for the past two months. You introduced him to your friends and showed him all your favorite places around the city. You got dirty water hot dogs, walked through Washington Square Park, and you showed him Times Square. It was just a bit more of the world you were seeing together.
At night you took him to all the bars that didn’t card and he judged the bands that played 45 minute sets of cover songs. The two of you drank beer and took shots until your vision got blurry. As you drank more, he got handsy and you got giggly; and to be honest, neither of you minded one bit.
After the last call, the two of you ventured back into the streets and stumbled back to your dorm to squeeze into your tiny twin sized bed, just like you used to do in his room back home. He laid on his back and you put your head on his chest. You lifted your leg up and hitched it over his hip. He pulled you close to him and swirled his fingers along the skin of your back until his hand got too tired and he fell asleep.
For the past two months, you fell asleep and woke up to the sounds of horns honking and sirens blasting outside your window. But that weekend, you fell asleep to the sounds of Jake’s heartbeat in his chest and woke up to the sounds of his soft snoring in your ear. For just a second, it took you back to Michigan, back home.
You laid awake as Jake slept next to you. You stared at the ceiling of your dorm room and then looked over at him.
You were in the middle of New York City. You were a completely insignificant piece of the universe. But you were in Jake’s arms- the safest place on earth. You weren't in Michigan. But you were with him. And with him, you were home.
But that didn’t happen, did it? No.
“Hello?” your friend called out from the other side of the table you were sitting at in the library. She continued, “I said it’s November 1st. You asked what day it was and I said November 1st. Are you okay? You blanked out for a minute,”
“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine,” you stuttered.
You looked down at your school work on the table in front of you and let out a breath. You shook your head and rubbed your face for a second.
“Please tell me you’re still not thinking about your ex. What’s his name? J-”
“Jake,” you interrupted.
She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.
“Today would have been our one year anniversary. That’s all,” you said quietly.
“Sorry,” she whispered. You could tell she felt bad about bringing it up.
“It’s okay. But, I’m, I’m gonna go back to my room. Be alone for a little,”
She gave you a sympathetic smile and nodded, “Text me if you need anything,”
“Thanks, I will,” you said as you got up and packed up your stuff.
You exited the library and walked down the sidewalk back to your dorm building alone. You approached your building to be hit with the reality that he was not in fact standing outside, waiting for you.
When you entered your room, you put your stuff down, threw on sweatpants, and got into your bed. You opened your phone and scrolled to the very first photo in your camera roll. The one photo you couldn’t bring yourself to delete. It was Jake, smiling a full toothed smile to the camera with his cheek smushed up next to yours.
“Happy one year, Baby,” you whispered as you clicked the delete button.
The End
Author’s Note:
I originally published Amongst the Stars on January 19, 2022. It was the first fanfiction I’ve ever written. The original idea for this fic started off as a silly little imagine in a group chat and I never expected it to come to life as a full story. Thank you to that group chat. Thank you to Chelsea for the original edits and thank you to Delani for the title. Thank you to so many of my friends for always listening to my ideas, helping me continue the story, and yelling at me for breaking your hearts.
As this year has gone on, I’ve written more fics and learned so much. I never thought writing would become a hobby for me but this fic really started it all. Amongst the Stars has been and always will be my baby. I wanted to do something special for the one year anniversary of it. In addition to that, looking back, I saw where improvements could have been made and I decided to make those changes to give ATS a full Princess Diaries style makeover. I compiled the original fic (with edits and additions), the deleted scenes (with some additions as well), new cover art, new extras that took a look inside Jake’s world, and the alternate anniversary ending to keep it all organized and close the world of ATS for good. I guess we can call this the “Deluxe Edition” if you will.
This story will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to anyone who has read it and has supported me along the way. Thank you to the friends I made because of this fic. And finally, thank you to Jake Kiszka and his emo phase.
The story of ATS may be closed. But I never said anything about Josh and Sam’s first love stories closing. There’s small hints at the plots of their stories hidden within this story. Let me know if you find them!
As always, please let me know what you think in my ask or in the replies. Tell me all the parts you loved and the parts you may not have loved too! I want to hear everything you have to say! I love hearing opinions and feedback!
Playlist:
(A fanfiction sponsored by Taylor Swift)
Train: Drops of Jupiter
Taylor Swift: You All Over Me
Taylor Swift: Sparks Fly
Taylor Swift: Back to December
Taylor Swift: You’re On Your Own, Kid
Taylor Swift: Invisible String
Taylor Swift: The Very First Night
Lizzy McAlpine: Apple Pie
Niall Horan: Still
Adele: All I Ask
Briston Maroney: Rose
One Direction: Night Changes
Stephen Stills: Love the One You’re With
Greta Van Fleet: Flower Power
Carrie Underwood: The Night Before (Life Goes On)
Goo Goo Dolls: Iris
Hozier: Like Real People Do
Boys Like Girls: Heels Over Head
High School Musical Three Cast: Right Here, Right Now
#jake kiszka#jake kiszka fanfic#jake kiszka fanfiction#jake kiszka fluff#jake greta van fleet#jake gvf#jtk#jake kiszka x y/n#jake kiszka imagine#jake kiszka x reader#jake kiszka smut#jake kiszka x you#jtk x reader#josh kiszka fanfiction#sam kiszka fanfiction
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Rudy's Trick (Louise's Treat)
Happy Halloween! Here is my fic for the @roudiseshipweek Halloween warm up prompt cult classic/picking out costumes. I mixed the two together, and hope you enjoy:
AO3
“Come on, Rudy, the popcorns going to get cold, and I’ve listened to the Halloween theme at least five times already,” Louise called.
She had popped the bag of kernels, drizzled a liberal dose of butter and nacho cheese seasoning over the final product, and set up the DVD minutes ago. All the while Rudy was, as he has told her before disappearing down the hall, putting the ‘final touches’ on his costume for tomorrow’s party.
He had not told her what it was, even after she had pestered him all week. Not even after Louise had promised to tell him her what her, Tina, and Gene were dressing up as before they showed up to Zeke’s Halloween party. And so, Louise resorted to guessing. Each time Rudy just smiled and even if she guessed correctly, he wouldn’t tell.
“If you don’t hurry up, I’m playing the movie without you.”
“Okay, okay,” Rudy said, suddenly behind her and making her jump, “careful, you almost dropped the popcorn.”
Dramatically clutching her chest to hide just how much he had scared her in the growing dark of the evening, Louise twisted around to look up her boyfriend.
Rudy hadn’t been regular-sized since grade nine, which happened to be when Louise had stopped growing. She was the shortest Belcher, which she could live with if she weren’t also the shortest in her friend group.
“Geez, Rudy, way to sneak up on a girl. Is your costume Michael Myers or something?”
Laughing, Rudy shook his head as he sat on the couch next to her.
“I’ve never seen Halloween, or any other slashers, you know that.”
She did. Which is why they were correcting that now. Movie nights had been a staple long before they had started dating halfway through grade twelve. This being their first Halloween as a couple, Louise was determined to start Rudy’s education on classic horror movies.
“And honestly, that’s a shame.”
Neither mentioned how that was technically untrue, as Rudy had been one of the kids traumatized by a certain deli zombie flick back in fourth grade. It was something they didn’t talk about.
Hitting play. Louise settled into the couch. The bowl of popcorn was emptied before Laurie spies Michael Myers watching her from behind drying sheets, leaving an empty space between them. Louise looked at it from the corner of her eye.
“You know,” she started, “if you get scared, I’ll protect you.”
Rudy glanced up from the screen and flashed her a smile, and only said:
“I’ll remember that.
And didn’t move an inch.
Louise turned back to the movie. Watching as Annie got strangled in the garage. She wasn’t scared, she’d seen plenty of scarier movies, but Rudy seemed far away in the dark.
Without making a sound, she moved a hair closer. She kept doing this, shifting just enough to not be noticed. Her plan at getting closer without him nothing was working. Until:
“Oh man.”
Rudy had been silent most of the movie, but Laurie stabbing Michael with knitting needles got a reaction. Which would have been fine, funny even as his uneven reaction to someone being stabbed in the eye, except for Lousie’s position. She had managed to get so close that his mumble sounded much louder in her ear.
Jumping across the couch, Louise felt her face flush. Twice. That was twice tonight that she had been startled by Rudy. A guy so unscary that birds didn’t even fly away when he approached.
Laughing, Rudy turned a lamp on.
The rest of the movie passed with Louise and Rudy on the opposite sides of the couch. Occasionally, Rudy would look at her and giggle. She would respond by scowling with her tongue out in mock indignation.
When the credits finally rolled and the eerie Halloween theme filled the silence, Louise was left to think of what to say next. She was just about to suggest another scary movie when Rudy beat her to the punch.
“My mom won’t be home for another few hours. If you’re interested, we can watch Hocus Pocus next?”
“That’s not even scary,” Louise argued.
“But it’s a Halloween cult classic,” Rudy said, “and we can cuddle, I was missing it a little during the last movie.”
Louise smiled, then quickly turned it into a smirk. Even though they had been dating for almost a year now, and had been friends for much longer, she refused to acknowledge how soft she had gotten when it came to Rudy.
“Well, in that case, sure. Why not? I’ve never actually seen it anyway.”
Rudy clutched his chest dramatically, “you’ve been trying to educate me, when it seems it’s you who’s been deprived of true Halloween must-watches.”
Rolling her eyes, Louise scooted towards him on the couch.
“If you count baby movies as a must-watch, then sure, educate me.”
He assured her it was not a baby movie as he changed the discs. Settling back onto the couch, Rudy didn’t even give her a chance to move before he pulled her into his arms. Louise felt the warmth of his chest against her back and relaxed without a fight. She only squirmed a little, and that was more to settle herself better than defiance.
“Much better,” Rudy said, his voice a low vibration along her spine.
This time, the movie was watched with more of their usual chattering. Quips about the Sanderson Sister’s thinking a sprinkler system was going to kill them and how cool an immortal talking cat would be passed between them with ease.
The next day, she, Tina, and Gene showed up in their costumes, a medley of Studio Ghibli characters, to Zeke’s a little early. They had brought sliders their dad had made, and Tina had roped them into setting up. Louise had only agreed because she liked Zeke, and it seemed like a good idea to be nice to her future brother-in-law.
Zeke, dressed as Ashitaka to match Tina’s Mononoke, had promised her the ability to setup a haunted hallway equipped with all of the affects he and his cousins had put together.
She also got two full sized candy bars of their choice for the help. Which Louise wouldn’t say no to, especially when her Chihiro costume had so many pockets. Who knew working in a hot spring for spirits would have better pocket options than most regular clothes?
Gene, dressed as Howl, had been promised full control over the music. Something he was taking seriously, with a small DJ station that consisted of a laptop and speakers’ setup in a corner.
Alex and Courtney arrived soon after them. Courtney insisted on adding some songs to Gene’s playlist, which devolved into the old argument of her music major versus his natural talents and composition schooling.
“But you guys always come up with something great together, why not work together?”
Alex’s appeal was just another part in the typical argument that formed the trio’s friendship.
Louise only laughed as she passed them on her way to get Zeke’s approval on her hallway setup, only to groan when she turned the corner. Wrapped in Tina’s embrace, Zeke looked a little busy. Which meant that, with only ten minutes until more guests were supposed to arrive, that her handywork would have to do.
It also meant that she would be able to finally see Rudy’s costume.
Except he didn’t show up. At least, not in the first few minutes like he normally did for parties. Not ten minutes late, which he would smile and say made him fashionable late. Jimmy Jr., Andy and Ollie, Kaylee, Susmita, Henry, Arnold, and the rest of the usual suspects filed through the door, but no sign of Rudy.
After twenty minutes, she found Millie and Jessica, dressed as Norman Bates and Mothman, in the corner chatting about horror movies, and joined them.
“Hey, if you wanna take a look at this, we got an illusionary visionary in the house tonight, the Amazing Rudy, and he’s kind enough to perform a trick as a treat!”
Zeke’s voice cut though the sound of conversation and music, catching Louise’s attention at the mention of her boyfriend.
“Tonight, I have one trick, a costume change from man to beast!”
Rudy’s voice had his customary magicians’ cadence, and Louise found herself smiling as she made her way towards the front of the crowd to see. It was almost like he was waiting for her to be in sight before he continued, but Louise knew that timing was a big part of an act, and it wasn’t for her benefit.
But her smile grew even more when she finally caught a glimpse of him. He looked a little silly in the green-black wig, but Rudy’s Haku costume was good. She wondered which of her siblings had told him about their costumes, since she hadn’t revealed it.
“I stand before you as a simple boy, but what you don’t know is,” Rudy raised his arms in a flourish, “my true identity is that of a river spirit!”
Shocked silence, followed by applause and cheers filled the room as Rudy dropped his arms and his costume suddenly changed into a green and white dragon, complete with a detailed mask and horns over his head.
Louise’s jaw dropped. She’d helped with some of his tricks over the years, but this was the best one yet.
“Wow, that was so cool…”
“How’d you do that?”
“…think I saw something like that on YouTube, do you follow…?”
Louise waited until the cluster of people who had swarmed around Rudy dissipated before she approached.
“Some trick, Rudes,” she said, catching his attention.
“Thanks, I made it all myself. I even got to build this cool dragon head hat to go in my collection.”
“Yeah, it is cool,” Louise agreed, “so how did you come up with the idea for your costume?”
Rudy flushed, rubbing his arm, and looking away. He stuttered out the start of an answer, but Louise just punched his arm with a laugh.
“Easy, Rudes, it’s fine. I know I said no couples’ costumes, but this makes me reconsider that. Especially when you can do cool transformations.”
After that, Jimmy Jr. pulled the attention to the dance floor with a dance-off that Gene’s sound effects only made better.
“Hey, you want climb on my back, and I can carry you like in the movie across the dance floor?” Rudy asked, after they watched the Pesto twins spin around.
“Hell yeah!”
Louise launched herself on Rudy’s back and cackled as he took off across the room. They burst into laughter after making their second crossing, Louise sliding off his back to lean against him.
The rest of the night was spent eating treats, dancing with their friends, and watching people get their pants scared off by Louise’s haunted hallway. In all, she would count it as one of the best Halloween party’s she’d gone too.
Later that night, after her shower, Louise returned to her room and saw that a photo was laying on her pillow and remembered someone had brought a polaroid camera. Picking it up, Louise smiled as she saw what it was: her, eyes closed, laughing, as Rudy carried her around on his back.
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And that’s just the truth Part 1
Jack and You have been together for exactly three years and it’s been the best three years of your life. Jack and You honestly complete each other as if you were made for each other and everyone thought the same well almost everyone.
Your best friend Stacy hated and despised the fact that you were with Jack, Stacy has always had a crush on Jack since the fourth grade when you were all playing truth or dare in her basement she got dared to kiss Jack and ever since that day she called dibs on Jack but Jack always liked you he never had feelings for Stacy and when she found out the two of you were dating she hated you for it.
Jack had of course invited you along with him on tour and you asked him if Stacy was able to tagalong as well and he said there wasn’t a problem in it, Stacy made her mission to break up Jack and You she was determined to make him end up with her.
“Babyyyyy come here baby.” You heard Jack yelling your name from the stage, you were all currently in soundcheck for his show tonight in San Francisco.
“What does he want?” Stacy asked you and you shrugged your shoulders the two of you getting up from the couches they had in the back and made your way towards the stage.
You smiled softly seeing Jack acting like a goof with the rest of the guys in Private Garden. 2fo was chasing around Urban for eating the last of his chips and Jack was threatening to spray Ace and Shloob with the hose.
“What are y’all doing? Not really acting like adults are we.” You said sternly but playfully being on the road and dealing with a bunch of men that acted like children was honestly a different type of experience you didn’t wish on anybody.
“Baby! Come here I got something for you.” You gave him a confused look but walked over to him anyways, once you were in reach he pulled you into his lap and started attacking your face millions of kisses.
“Jack stop it Jack stoppp.” You laughed and tried to push break free from his brace but he wasn’t budging his grip was tight but not enough to hurt you.
Everyone was laughing at the two of you well everyone but Stacy who had a sour look on her face that Urban took notice of.
“Can you two get a room already I’m tired of seeing all this cute and lovely stuff some of us are still very much single.” Urban stated and everyone else nodded in agreement but Jack didn’t care what anybody else thought all that mattered was that he had you.
“Alright alright I’ll stop for now but close your eyes baby I got you something.” You raised your eyebrows in curiosity.
“What is it?! I told you stop buying me things Jack I have plenty of things.” It was true Jack loved spoiling you whenever he was away on tour he always made sure to get you something from ever city or country he stopped in whether that be some jewelry or the latest purse that was out he made sure you had something.
“Just close your eyes baby girl.” You closed your eyes and placed your hands out but they were soon weighed down. Opening your eyes you came face to face with a very much overpriced looking chain that had your name on it.
“Jack.. I know you didn’t Jack this better be a prank.”
“Well that kinda sucks because it isn’t a prank baby this is for you, I had a few friends in Atlanta help me with the design see it’s got your name here all blinged out and these flowers that go around the chain are also blinged out with pink and baby blue diamon-.” Before Jack could even finish his sentence your lips were attached to his he was shocked at first but he melted into the kiss like always.
“Alright I think that’s our sign to go and head out now.” 2fo joked and everyone else agreed but walked away. Stacy followed everyone out but she watched Jack and You from behind the curtain how he moved your hair to the side and helped place the chain around your neck.
She balled up her fist her chest heaving up and down she hated that you were in her spot that should be here you didn’t deserve Jack she did and she was making sure that everyone would know that.
“Stacy you good?” She jumped not hearing Urban coming up from behind her but she pulled her lips into a tight smile and nodded her head.
“I’m okay Urban thank you for asking.” She walked past him quickly he watched her with a knowing look on his face.
Later on that day everyone was rushing around and getting everything ready for the show, Jack had invited Druski to tag along for a few shows because he knew how much you loved and cared for Druski and besides Druski was practically like your older brother.
“Druski in the house Druski is in the fucking house!!” Druski yelled from backstage and your head immediately swung over to where he was you squealed and ran over to him, he smiled and brought you in for a hug.
“What’s up little sis I missed you so much.” Druski laughed and hugged you back, you haven’t seen Druski in months and being able to spend some time with him while everyone was getting ready for tour was something you appreciated.
“I missed you more Druski, how’s everything been? Are you excited for your tour.” Druski was going on his own comedian tour in the fall and you were excited for him because he deserved this.
“I’m really excited for tour I can’t wait to make everyone laugh it’ll definitely be one of them ones.” You lead his towards where everyone else was getting ready for the show, The Homies we’re on stage performing some songs Jt and Caresha were on next.
“Look what the cat brought it.” Jt mean mugged Druski while Caresha waved at him.
“Jt come on girl stop playing with me you know that joke about Uzi wasn’t meant to go that far.”
“Hmm but it did calling my man some type of genuine or wizard because he had that diamond in his forehead isn’t nice Druski.”
Caresha and You stiffed a laugh as Jt glared at the two of you I mean what Druski said wasn’t really nice but in that moment it had almost everyone on the floor rolling over in laughter.
“Doesn’t it bother you how close she’s been to Druski since he’s gotten here?” Stacy asked Jack, she decided to use Druski and You being friendly together to her advantage she knew how protective and possessive Jack got over you so seeing someone close to him like Druski is being all over you would definitely send him overboard.
“No not really that’s just how they are Stacy just a brotherly and sisterly type of love is all.”
“Hmm I don’t know Jack I mean she’s laughing a bit too hard for my liking and the way he keeps touching her back.” Jack looked up studying Druski and You he did notice whenever you would walk in-front of Druski he’d touch the small of your back.
Jack would be lying if he said it didn’t bother him but he decided to let it go he knew there was nothing going on between Druski and You.
“It’s nothing Stacy honestly just let it go yeah?” She rolled her eyes and glared at Druski and You she hated and despised at how much everyone loved and adore you.
After Jt and Caresha went on stage it was now Jack’s turn you loved watching Jack perform because it came so natural for him this is what he prayed for and worked for and you couldn’t be happier for him.
“So what’s the plans after tonight’s show? Jack doesn’t have any shows for the next three days so we definitely have to go out and celebrate tonight.” Druski suggested Jt and Caresha nodded in agreement they were always down for a party.
“How about that newest club that opened up Pretty little darlings.”
“You guys want to head out now? Just send a text to Jack we’re well be and he can meet us up there.” Jt suggested and you were a bit hesitant at first because Jack went everywhere you went.
“Why don’t we wait till he’s done.”
“Come on Y/N you don’t need to be around Jack all the time let’s go and he can meet us there.” Stacy told you after giving it a thought or two you finally agreed on going, after sending a quick message to Jack that at what club you’d be at you were all on your way.
Once you all arrived to the club Stacy was offering you drinks back to back you weren’t really a big drinker but she always had a way to make it seem like if you weren’t drinking you weren’t having fun.
The last time you’ve been drunk was your freshman year of college and you promised yourself you wouldn’t get to that level of wasted again.
“Damn I’ve never seen you like this in my life Y/N.” Druski laughed and you smiled and slung your body to his side, laying your head on his lap.
“Druskiiii the snow bunny king I missed you so much.” You pouted and crossed your arms over your chest.
“Girl I think you’ve had enough to drink babe how about some water or some food?” Jt suggested but you denied both offers.
“Just keep the drinks coming and that’s that let’s party and just have fun.” You slurred your words your eyes getting droopy due to the alcohol in your system.
Stacy sat across from you a smirk placed on her pale face her plan was to get you drunk enough to get you to do something you’d regret.
“Druski I don’t feel so good my stomach hurts.” You groaned and started rubbing on your stomach you were positive all that alcohol you just consumed was on it’s way back up.
“Druski take Y/N to the bathroom and hurry please. I can’t get throw up on my new shoes.”
“Are you being serious right now?”
“I’m being very serious now take her now!” Caresha yelled at him and leaned to the side when your mouth started puffing up.
“Alright alright come on Y/N let’s go.” He slung your arm around your shoulder and lead you towards the bathroom, Stacy hot on your tail.
“Thank you Druski for taking care of me.” You slurred and leaned into him even more and from a distance it would look like the two of you were kissing or making out but in all honesty you could not catch your balance no matter how hard you tried.
“It’s no problem kid but come on let’s get you in this bathroom.” While Druski was busy taking care of you Stacy was busy sending pictures and videos of Jack to you but from a different number.
“Are we almost at the club?” Jack asked the driver. Jack, Neelam and Urban were finally on the way to the club he was excited to just sit back and chill with you and everyone else.
“Yes we are about five minutes away Jack.” He nodded and drew his attention back to his phone which was blowing up with messages.
Unknown number
- This your girl?
Under the messages was a video of Druski and You in the corner. Now looking at it you wouldn’t think it was you or Druski since it was so dark but Jack could faintly see the pink diamond flowers on your chain.
His jaw tightened as he rewatched the video over and over again. He started thinking back to what Stacy was saying earlier and remembering how close Druski and You really were.
“Hey driver turn this shit back around to the hotel.” Neelam looked up from her phone in confusion.
“What? Why we were almost to the club what happened.”
“Just know I’m gonna kill Druski.”
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