#i dont believe he's out cheating since he had told me that whats the whole point of doing that kinda of shit when he can be brutally honest
Text
i feel like im a whole joke right now
#vent#he said he'll call me later when he gets back from his hangout#also mentioned that it be only 2hrs#which is now already almost 1am#yeah i don't want to hear oh maybe he got home and knocked out or doing something else#i dont believe he's out cheating since he had told me that whats the whole point of doing that kinda of shit when he can be brutally honest#and cut ties of this relationships if he doesn't want nothing to do with me#sighs#like why would he say one thing and he doesn't do it#he could've texted me that he's still there or got home and is going to sleep from his exhaustion day#or before he goes out#he can just honest with me that he isn't going to call me or text back but talk to me tomrorrw#i would've respected that#and not here rn in this current night wondering if he's okay or not#i feel so let down and a fool#really thinking he'll call once he's home or on his way home#or just notify me that he's okay#that it#if he would've those two word#i'd still be glad he's alright and responded at least something instead of nothing at all
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have a problem and can't access my fake account, so I will let you guys know if I need to make a new one
But other than that, the plan seems to be going well and I'm somewhat relieved as of now
My friend irl is 100% going along with and even helping fake evidence to pin blames on the bitch named KJ
Just so you guys can know the full context of that, last week KJ tried to spread a rumour that my bf was cheating on me, so i have a grudge against her and i hate her (she's always been rude and really upset my bf). So this week when my friend irl told on me sending her snapchat messages when I was having a mental breakdown and wanting to die, then proceeding to get high off of painkillers, and I got into all of this shit because of that, she felt really bad because she didn't intend for it to go this far. She was just really really worried about me (but I can't help but be mad at her, but not take it out on her ofc cuz she's bending hell to help me rn)
So even though the counselor and CPS (which the school called) know that my friend reported it and the messages were real, the principal and other staff aren't aware of who reported me..or that there are messages. Although we are pretty sure that with my principal looking into it, he'll find out my friend reported me- so we're lying to say that KJ faked SnapChat messages and told her to concern her and get her to start drama with the office as revenge for me snitching and getting her a Friday school.
But during all of this, my father called the school to know who called CPS, and the principal ended up spilling about me being LGBTQ and having a trans bf, so I need to cover up two huge things here that can fuck me over. My home life would be a living hell and I'd kill myself to not live in the environment where my father knows I'm LGBTQ, and he wouldn't let me attend a vocational school i wanna go to if my bf went to it, so he'd be uining my only hopes of having some form of a future. So it'd be useless
And as of today, I had a talk to the principal where I had to be really transphobic about my bf so I can appeal to his ideologies and get by convincing him I wasn't gay so he'd convey it back to my father. Since I'd previously told him KJ 'started a rumour about me and my friend' (that being the cheating rumour) i decided to utilise that fact to my advantage by saying the rumour was us dating, and that it wasn't true. I had to deadname and misgender my bf the whole time and I felt awful..but he believed me and that's what matters
I told the principal about the 'hunch it was KJ who started this' and she was called to the office at one point. She came back in guitar class and she almost seemed like she was crying?..but the look on her face and the way she stared at me read that..she was pissed. So I started to play 'Ode to Joy' really loudly on my guitar as she walked past, then a smiled when she looked away.
She kept looking over at me, and didn't even play guitar but instead was on her computer the whole class. She always gave me this dirty fucking look.
She kind of did ask me to throw her under twenty buses when she fucked me over before, and she's my only logical blame since it'd make sense for her to do something like this
I got my bf to delete some emails we've sent to each other so our lazy ass principal won't find em (of me comforting him about our relationship over the cheating rumour), and now we can't be out at school (atleast until my father and his chatting chills out). Cuz the principal wants me to stop being so close to him, and will report back to my father with any shit we do together.
So we're tryna get our friend to sit with us in lunch more so it dont look like us watching our show at lunch is a romantic thing
And I lost a part to my wired ear buds we were sharing (and it's kind of awkward with the wire) so since I had a shit ton of money on me today and went out to the mall (and spent 100 fucking dollars), I stopped by another store and bought some wireless earbuds and a case
So I spent like 130-140$ plus gave my friend 60$ to buy me a phone, which she will give me the change to a 50$ (+tax) phone on Monday.
Also same friend got me a bag where I shoved a lot of my gay and illegal items in so the principal won't see the gay magnets in my locker, nor will CPS find it (since they said they'd report it to my parents), and I definitely don't want CPS finding my illegal shit (vape, cigarettes + lighter, and painkillers I abuse).
So as of right now, the plan is doing fine. I'm not going to speak ahead of time, cuz my room is still going to be looked through and all..but there's a slim chance that CPS will just drop the case and not return. But that's also a call for a miracle. However if CPS were to fuck off, then this whole situation would subside and everything would be fine
I just hope they'll fucking drop it
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hogwarts Champion Part 4 - Sirius Black x Reader
A/N: Here is Part 4, i am not overly happy with chapter but needed a bridge chapter! It is a bit shorter than the last parts as well. As always any feedback or suggestion or request please let me know! x
Masterlist:
Part 3
Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader
Warnings: injury, fluff
Time slowed for the four marauders staring at their best friend who was being lifted onto a stretcher and carried to the hospital wing. The follow suit behind remus picking up the golden egg that was left behind. As everyone arrived at the hospital wing they put Y/N onto one of the beds. The healers were quick to close the curtains around her as they examined her. Sirius and James moved forward so they could try and catch a glimpse of Y/N laying in the bed. McGonagall was quick to step in front of them.
“Boys, I know you want to be with her but let them do their job.” She told them in a sad voice.
“But…”
“No buts Mr Potter, take Mr Black and the others back to the common room, if there is any news you will be the first to know okay.” The boys nodded and grab Sirius’ are dragging him out of the hospital wing. As they exited the doors Sirius spoke for the first time.
“I am going to wait here,”
“Pads you heard what Minnie said.”
“I know Moony but I cannot leave her.”
James spun toward Sirius an angry look on her face.
“So what now you dont want to abandon my sister! Our best friend! But you were fine abandoning her for the last few weeks to what run off with Marlene!”
“James…..” Remus tried to calm him down.
“No Remus, he ignored her, he hurt her.”
“WE ALL DID.” Remus yells everyone looking at him.
“We all did in one way or another, she was feeling lost, insecure, unworthy, its why she entered this contest in the first place.”
“What?” The other three boys muttered.
“I found out over the summer, i found her upset in her room on weekend when we were staying over, she told me everything was starting to wear her down. The constants comparisons to you feeling like she was never good enough never making your parents proud enough, Sirius that girl is so head over heels for you and all she did was watch you flirt with every other girl that is not her, then when she finally gets a boy interested she gets dumped for someone else or cheated on, her whole Hogwarts life she has felt second best to everyone! And none of us noticed! Then she finally does something for her and her best friend ignores her and her brother yells at her!”
“W-we didn’t know.” James whispers
“Yeah what great friends we are.” Peter whispers “she does everything for us and we didn’t notice she was having a hard time.”
Remus nods and leaves the boys Peter following quickly behind. James and Sirius looked at eachother before taking a seat on a step near the hospital wing.
“How did we not know.” James mutters.
“We were too busy to notice the best thing we have in our life was struggling. We have a lot to make up for.”
“That we do. Sirius have you every seen Y/N use that much power before.”
“No Prongs, I grew up around some of the most powerful wizard families and I have never seen anyone use power like that.”
Before James could reply Minnie burst through the doors.
“Ahh Mr Potter, Mr Black i should have known you would be here still.”
James and Sirius quickly stood and ran over to her not saying anything.
“She looks as though she will be okay, now it is just a matter of her waking up.”
“B-but she is okay.”
“Yes Mr Potter, she has a few broken ribs, a broken arm and cuts and bruises as for why she won’t wake up we believe it may have to do with the show of power she displayed.”
The boys nodded breathing a sigh of relief,
“You can go sit with her, i will not be the one to keep you from her.”
The boys walked into the hospital wing both pulling up a chair on either side holding Y/Ns hand.
SIRIUS POV
One Week Later
It had been a week since Y/N went up against the dragons and she still hadn’t woken up, James and I stayed by her side not wanting to leave her alone, we only left to shower and eat and when we left we made sure Remus or Peter sat with her. Minnie had allowed us to not go to class considering Y/N was family so long as we did our homework which Remus got for us. No one could tell us why she hadn’t woken up but everyone was sure it had to do with the amount of magic she used, we bad started doing our own research into how she used that much magic, after all James was her twin and never showed any sign of being that powerful and she had never shown those signs either. Sure the Potter Twins were two of the most powerful students in our class but Y/N showed a different type of power no one had seen before, we even wrote to Mr and Mrs Potter and they didn’t have any ideas either.
I was sitting next to Y/N James had been dragged away by Lily to go eat in the Great Hall, I was reading a book on element witches as i held her hand when i suddenly felt her squeeze my hand. I all but threw the book onto the next bed as i clasped my other hand around hers and she squeezed it again, I looked around to see if anyone was near by when i saw my brother.
“Reg!” I yelled, and my brother turned to look at me with a glare until he saw the panic on my face, “Please go get James and the others.” He just nodded and ran to the great hall. I sat there staring at Y/N hoping this meant she was waking up.
James POV
Lily had come into the hospital wing where i was sitting with my twin. This last week i hadn’t spent much time with anyone other than Sirius and a sleeping Y/N. Lily all but dragged me out to the Great Hall to eat a proper meal claiming that Y/N would be angry if I didn’t look after myself.
“James! James!” I was broken from my thoughts as i looked up at a concerned Lily.
“What Lils?”
“Please try to eat.” I noticed that my food sat in front of me untouched.
“I-I can’t what if she doesnt wake up.” I heard my voice break and so did everyone around me. All of a sudden we were all pulled away from the conversation as we heard Regulus Black crash into a student running into the Great Hall. We heard him mumble a quick apology as he kept running, he came to a stop in front of us, trying to catch his breath.
“S-sirius, Y/N, waking up.” I jumped out of my seat upon making sense of Regulus’ incoherent sentence, running out of the Great Hall followed by Remus, Peter and Regulus. When we finally made it to the hospital wing we were greeted with the long awaited sight of Y/N sitting up smiling with Sirius next to her tears rolling down his face while he smiles.
Y/N POV
I felt something heavy in my hand, out of muscle memory I gave it a small squeeze, i then heard a thud and then more weight on my hand, so i squeezed it again. Then i heard something that sounded like yelling, though i couldn’t make out who or what was being said. My eyelids felt like they weighed a tonne however i forced them open taking in my surroundings. The hospital wing. I then sat up to see Sirius sitting on a chair next to my bed tears rolling down his cheek as holding onto my hand like a lifeline while looking at the ground head resting on our hands.
“Well you look like crap Pads.” He whipped his head around to look at me and a smile spread across his lips, before i knew it he smashed his lips against mine.
“Not that i am complaining but what was that for.”
“Don’t ever worry me like that again Y/N, watching you fall from that broom after taking on a dragon. I have never been so worried.” I look at him closer than before noticing a bit of stubble growing around his face, hair tied back, red and puffy eyes,
“How long?”
“A week,” i took a deep breath,
“Guess that explains the little beard you have going on.” I laughed and he giggled as well.
“A week in a coma and you are poking fun at me. Y/N we need to talk.” We were interrupted before Sirius could say anything else by four boys crashing still at the door, i saw my disheveled looking twin at the front of the group surprise and then shock on his face as he runs toward me squishing me in a tight hug.
“J-James i cant breathe.” I giggle as he pulls away,
“Sorry,” he mumbles. Remus and peter are next over giving me quick gentle hugs all of them have glazed over eyes full of unshed tears,
“Gosh anyone would thing you guys were worried about me.”
“What gave that away.” I hear a giggle from behind them.
“Reg what are you doing here?” I ask a small smile on my face. All the boys tense it was no secret they were not regulus biggest fans. They thought he was a pureblood fanatic like his parents, what they didnt know was Reg and I had become friends in recent years, the other thing they didnt know was i helping Reg try and escape his parents we just hadnt figured out a plan yet.
I could see Reg contemplating his answer.
“I was walking past the hospital when you started waking up Sirius asked me to get James.”
“Well its nice to see you, thank you for getting my brother.” He nodded and walked away.
“That was weird, why would a slytherin check up on you.” Sirius asked.
“Maybe your brother was concerned and thought you would go even more mad if i didnt wake up.” I joked though Remus was the only one who laughed.
“Well boys I think we should let Y/N rest.” Remus said breaking the silence before he and peter gave me a quick hug and started walking out.
“I will be back later okay sis?”
“I would expect nothing less, can you write to mum and dad tell them i am okay?”
He nods giving me a kiss on the forehead and following the other to.
“Want to tell me whats going round in your head Siri?”
“I thought I lost you twice, and that you had died not knowing how i feel about you.”
“Would how you feel have anything to do with you ignoring me since i got selected.” I say with a little bit of anger behind it, Sirius lowers his head and nods a little.
“Talk Pads tell me what you are thinking.”
“I Love You Y/N, hearing your name being called out for a deadly tournament i got so scared, then remus telling us how you dont feel worthy of being our friend and pretty much that you don’t know how proud we are of you or how we would crumble without you and that you have been struggling and none of us, that I haven’t noticed that, watching you take on a dragon thinking it killed you with fire, seeing you use an enormous amount of power then falling off the broom landing you in a coma, i feel like i failed you.” Sirius finally took a breath.
“I love you too Sirius.” His head snapped up making eye contact with me.
“Really after everything i just said.”
“Yep after everything. But you have a girlfriend remember.”
“I broke it off with her.”
“Really when?”
“The night you were selected.”
I stared at him blankly that was over three weeks ago now and i hadn’t noticed.
“Why didn’t you tell us.”
“I was scared and you were already stressed and needed to look after yourself.”
I grip his hand slightly tighter.
“When you are out of here we are going on a real date.”
“I would love that.”
“Maybe we can go to the Yule Ball together?”
“The what?”
#sirius black series#sirius black x y/n#sirius black imagine#sirius black x fem!reader#sirius black x reader#sirius x y/n#sirius orion black#sirius black#marauders x reader#marauders#harry potter universe
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey so its been a while…
A lot has happened since my last ‘breakdown’. I know that I am severely depressed and anxious but looking back throughout my life, something always felt different, i always felt weighed down. Like i couldn’t breathe, express and be grounded in my body. I always go back to thinking; Where did it all go wrong? Why do I think this way? Why do I act like this? Why do I self-sabotage? Always being in a state of question and fog that it is so hard to really know who i am and my identity is in this world. I feel like I’m never going to get the answer to some of these questions, like they will just linger there with no direction. Like me.
Like my previous posts, I have a hard time getting a fucking grip. Each time I feel like I can be strong and take control of my life, something leaves me feeling in less control than before. It feels like I get the wind knocked out of me each time. Even in my childhood, things would go well for a minute, and then all of a sudden my heads being banged against the kitchen cabinet. So shit like that. I feel like I’ve i emulate that chaotic unpredictable energy, at first it was just my environment but now its me. Now I’m the one destroying my happiness and my accomplishments. I cheated on my partner because I could not believe that I deserve that intimacy, love and compassion she has given me. I don’t know why tf would i bring myself to do that, but I hurt a lot and i guess that was the way it manifested. In no way I am excusing my behavior, yes trauma plays a role but I am still responsible for my choices and who they impact. We are going to couples therapy soon, in order to figure out a couple things. It’s not clear atp if we are going to stay together but therapy would help us better communicate. I have this habit that when my partner is trying to talk about their feelings about what I’ve done, its hard to empathize and be there for her without hating myself and shutting down.
In my childhood, I was a “trouble-maker” ( I don’t believe I was but main reason kids act out is because they want attention or needs are not being met. Mine definitely weren’t, like I wanted to be like every other kid but instead i felt so isolated, my “sister” and mother would often exile me because of my behavior it felt like. I never had a voice or an opinion. My parents even said the only reason they had kids was because we were their servants. They definitely did treat us like so too.) It was just exhausting. I was anxious everyday I cam home because I felt like i was always under a magnifying glass because i was so “sneaky, untrustworthy, fast”. I remember having thought as a child like “well if im such these things, they must be true, I am sneaky, untrustworthy, manipulative”.
This wasn’t just at home chile… I had to deal with the torment in school too. Growing up in NJ was brutal for a black girl like me. One wasn’t like Black American, I was from Haiti. We didn’t have the same social cues and customs. I was made fun of the way i looked, dressed, talked, everything. There was a year in school wear my dad got so frustrated selecting back to school shoes that he picked the ugliest option because i dont fucking know. (We never knew why he did or said the things he did, it was always walking around eggshells with him). Anyways, that whole school year i was made fun of for wearing brown and orange hiking sneakers from sketchers. Look I know my family was struggling with money but come on, especially it was the year Jordan’s were coming out and if you didn’t have them, you were basically a loser. I should be grateful, but it was hard to be when you were told in so many ways that you dont matter. It doesnt matter that you dont like that color or would prefer a different style. That made me learn how to take shit with a smile because if I didn’t like it, that would be another issue I’d regret even expressing.
Anyways, what do i do now. Im so exhausted.
I hate everything I took with me from childhood, I want to release all of that gunk and dirtiness. I want a do-over, a hard fucking reset.
Lately, i have been resonating a lot with BPD. Specifically quiet or discouraged. I am fine on the outside but inside I feel like a little demon running around going crazy and screaming for relief. Like nothing is soothing it.
My IPad is about to die so that’s it for now. Sorrows and Prayers.
0 notes
Note
Cheating!h blurb where ana asks why they dont have sex or at a party and she’s trying to pull him into a room and y/n watching him try to make excuses and then next time having sex with y/n he says anna keeps trying and she has the pride he doesnt give in... or something exploring that situation
warnings: smut, cheating, angst
“Anna, I just-“ Harry huffs as she tugs him into a spare bedroom of the party after he had put up a valiant fight to keep them in the main area.
Her hands are unbuttoning his already barely buttoned shirt, running down his bare skin, and he is cut off by a sloppy kiss to his mouth.
Fear shoots up through him, it’s not YN, he doesn’t want this with her.
“C’mon, it’s been almost six months and you still haven’t touched me. Just fuck me,” Anna complains, fed up with the lack of or more like nonexsistence of their sex life.
It was near impossible to believe, someone like Harry who oozed sex out of every pore of his body wasn’t sexually active or interested in fucking his girlfriend.
When Anna takes a different approach of going for his belt buckle, mouth trailing against his collarbone, and attempting to get to his groin - which hadn’t hardened in the slightest.
“Enough,” Harry states firmly, grasping her wrists lightly and making her look at him, “I don’t want to have sex right now, okay?”
His girlfriend’s face falters, “You never want to.”
“If you don’t like it break up with me,” He hisses, knowing YN is going to get suspicious the longer they’re in a room together.
Anna, who really did have a kind heart, frowns, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything. I would never force you to.”
Harry just rebuttons his shirt, “S’fine. Let’s just get back to the party and have a good time, yeah?”
She nods as Harry swings his arm around her shoulder, unlocking the door, and pausing when he sees YN a bit of the ways down the corridor - staring at the two leaving the bedroom.
“I’m going to get a drink,” He dismisses bluntly, his focus set on the girl who was visible angry with him in the kitchen.
Before he can get out a word, she steps forward and swipes her thumb against his collarbone.
It comes back with the waxy substance of Anna’s bright mauve lipstick.
“Have fun in there, did you?” YN asks, she tries to keep her tone cool and unbothered by Harry sees right through it to the insecurity.
“You know I didn’t,” He replies between gritted teeth, how could she get jealous when this was all her?
He didn’t want a girlfriend.
Well he did but he only want her and she fucking knew that.
“If you wanted me to believe you, maybe you would have wiped her lipstick marks from your neck and chest,” She chuckles and it makes Harry’s hair on the back of his neck stand up.
It was the distinct chuckle and tone she used when she was upset but wasn’t going to admit it over her dead body.
Before he can call her out, she shoulders past him, disappearing into the dancing crowd of people and out of his side.
“Fuck,” He mutters, running a hand through his hair before trudging off to find Niall and Zayn - to distract himself.
-
“Stay the night, please?” Anna asks softly when Harry pulls up to her small, quaint little house that fit her perfectly.
“M’sorry. I have a long day tomorrow.”
It was a lie. It was rarer that he told the truth to his girlfriend than fibbing.
“So? Let’s cuddle, do something,” She begs, frustrated with her emotionally and sometimes physically distant boyfriend.
Harry shakes his head, “Maybe next weekend.”
He always said that.
It never happened.
—
As soon as he drops off Anna, his next stop is a route that is ingrained in his head front and backwards, her apartment.
He has a key, doesn’t bother knocking and just barges into the dimly lit house with her shoes tossed clumsily on the floor - almost trips.
When he finds her, she’s in a towel - freshly showered, and brushing through her hair in her small walk-in closet.
She heard him come in, knew he was storming in here, and still didn’t turn around when he slammed open her bedroom door.
He’s crowding behind her, knocking the brush out of her hand, and pinning her to the wall, “You’re so bloody ridiculous. You jealous little brat.”
YN doesn’t respond, her body still wound tight with tension and a gluttonous feeling of rage for earlier in the night.
“Been fuckin’ you and only you since I was seventeen. Y’know that I didn’t fuck her, didn’t even touch her and you still have the nerve to act like a crybaby,” Harry seethes, his whole chest pressed against her back, no room to escape.
“Her lipstick was all over you,” She argues back weakly when his hands come to the knot in her towel, teasing at unraveling.
“Yeah because she was begging me to fuck her and I said ‘no’ so she tried to get in my pants and I pushed her off.”
“Why?” YN murmurs, quiet in the small space.
“You fuckin’ know why,” Harry growls with his teeth grazing across her bare shoulder blade.
“Say it.”
“I pushed her off ‘cause you’re the only person I’ve fucked since I was seventeen. My cock is yours,” He rasps, untying the knot and letting the towel drop.
He wishes she would just end all this bullshit.
Let him have her fully and completely but she was so fucking afraid of getting hurt when it wouldn’t happen.
“Go on, tell me who owns this cunt,” Harry demands, hand tucking between her thick thighs to cup her puffy mound in his hand.
“H,” She whimpers as his finger lightly slides up the wet groove of her center with a careful drag.
When she doesn’t give him the answer he wants, he gives her clit a hard pinch, “Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“Yours, fuck - it’s yours,” YN huffs at the slight but welcome pain on her nerves - relaxing when it returns to soft strokes.
“Anna is pretty, y’know? Had her on me, kissing my neck, unbuttoning my shirt and shit,” Harry hums against her ear, two fingers sinking into the tight heat of her body.
He continues, “Didn’t even get hard when that happened. That’s how fucking trained I am for you. What a tight fucking leash you have me on.”
YN turns a bit into putty at his words, insecurity slow flooding out of her body, and feeling more like how she usually does.
“How do y’ever forget? How much I love you?” He asks in true disbelief, it literally oozes through his pores how much he adores his high school sweetheart.
“Don’t-“ She squeaks desperately.
“Why won’t you let me tell you how much I love you, baby?”
His voice like dark, sweet honey that seeps into her every nerve-ending and makes her feel lethargic, in a boneless silky way.
“Stop plea- Just touch me,” YN begs when his fingers crook into against her plushy, tight walls with focused strokes.
“You need to admit it, y’stubborn little thing. I know how in love you are with me,” Harry pushes, needing to hear validation from his favorite person on this earth.
He squats down, spreading her cheeks, and leaning in to lick from the top of clit all the way back to her other entrance.
His large palms keeping her apart, digging into the thick skin until his fingers are white - tongue finding her core and darting in to her most sensitive area.
“H, oh my god,” YN moans, head falling forward against the wall, pushing her hips backward into his mouth.
“Darling, c’mon. Show me how sweet y’can be f’me,” Harry goads encouragingly, it always took a little bit of effort to get her to break.
“I love you….s’much,” She whispers, voice cracking on the last syllable as he rewards her with a suckling kiss to her clit and slips his fingers back in.
“I know y’do, baby. You know I’d never give it to anyone but you,” Harry coos, anything to get her to soften her harsh edges, chip away at her stone wall.
Her hand reaches behind to weave through his hair, her stomach sucking in harshly as she feels her tight band snap as she releases.
“O-oh, you’re mine. Y’mine,” His love chants as she rides out her intense wave of her orgasm as he helps her through it.
“M’yours,” Harry agrees immediately, standing up and a smile breaks on his face when she turns around and wraps him into a hug.
“I love you. I know you didn’t touch her. I just hate it,” YN murmurs softly, undoing his shirt and sliding it off of his shoulders.
His smile fades at her words, “Then make it stop. The minute you tell me you’re ready to make this work, I’ll break up with her.”
“I’m no-not ready,” She stammers, eyes widening like a deer in headlights at his words.
So afraid. So fucking scared.
“Okay, okay,” He soothes when he sees her chest start to rise faster and faster with anxiety.
He doesn’t want to drop it.
He wants to shake her and ask her how the fuck she doesn’t see that they’re already in a relationship and she’s being blinded by irrational fears.
Harry waddles them over to her messy bed, pushing her back and adjusting until she’s in the center - staring at him with doe eyes.
He loves her so much it hurts to look at her for too long.
When he tugs off his jeans, taking his phone out to put on the side table - he sees an unread text from Anna.
I’m sorry about earlier. I really want to make it work with you. You’re a great guy x
Harry should feel bad. Maybe his stomach should have dropped or something at how awful he’s being to that girl.
But when his love is splayed out, pliant and malleable for him, he can’t find an ounce of fucks to give as he tosses it on the bedside table.
He had been in love with this girl since he was sixteen, never fell out of it, he was addicted to her - willing to go through all this bullshit if it meant he had her.
It always felt like the first time, crawling on top of her, and bending down to pull her puffy lips into a strong kiss as he slides in, always a pleasant stretch.
As they move together, in a familiar rhythm, she murmurs against his lips, “One day, I’ll be ready.”
“Please, make it soon, darlin’,” Harry pleas, swallowing harshly before pushing his emotions into hard, deep thrusts.
#cheating!harry masterlist#cheating!harry#harry styles writing#harry styles imagine#harry styles one shot#harry styles x yn#harry styles x reader#harry styles x you#harry styles fluff#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fic rec#harry styles masterlist#harry styles#Harry styles smut#Harry styles angst#Harry styles au#cheating!Harry blurb#blurb
930 notes
·
View notes
Text
YOU’RE MINE, NOT HIS
CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP// BAKUGO X F!READER
Warning: NSFW 18+, cheating (not really), fingering, unprotected sex
You and Izuku have gotten very close recently while studying together, and a certain someone isnt very happy about it.
AN: Poor Izuku 🥺 I felt so bad writing this, but so good at the same time lol I must write something soon to pay him back//also send me requests for oneshots! im down to try anything you guys might want!
WC: 2k
Masterlist
You and Izuku had a ‘study date’ last night at his house. You were hardly struggling in organic chem, just needed an excuse to come over at this point. You two had been meeting for tutoring sessions for the last two months or so. Your grades had thoroughly improved since then, so most people believed thats all you two were doing; studying. And you were, of course, but as of recently it was a lot more than that. It started with innocent glances at your chest while you took notes, brushing his fingers along your leg when you couldn’t figure out the answer to a question, and you weren’t oblivious. You began to reciprocate the feeling, wearing shorter skirts to bend over and pick up your pencil, laying your hands on his chest when you begged him to give you the answers. He adored the way you looked up at him so innocently, with pleading eyes, desperately needing his help. He loved helping you improve, after all, he wanted you to become a great hero by his side one day.
However, not everyone was oblivious to you and Izuku’s little sessions. Bakugo knew something was going on between you two. He had never seen Izuku so protective over someone the way he was with you. He hated the way the green-haired boy would stare at you with dark eyes when you spoke to another male student. He noticed how he’d always want to be around you, his demeanor changing when you would leave for a different class or when training sessions were split up. Bakugo was utterly disgusted by it, but it gave him an evil idea. ‘She doesn’t belong to him, she never will, I’ll be sure of it’ he thought to himself.
After last nights study session, you failed to realize that you had left your textbook on his bed. He noticed soon after you left and texted you, telling you not to worry and that he’d bring it for you tomorrow morning. You had missed him in the morning though, running late from going to get an iced coffee, so you decided you would get it from his bag in the locker room before your chem class. You both had training but you had to go to a different site with the rest of the girls, while the boys stayed in a closer facility.
Your water quirk meant that you spent a lot of time getting wet, so naturally, your hero suit looked like an elegant yet sexy two piece swim suit. The top was white, long sleeved with a cut out above your breasts and the bottoms were a standard bikini bottom, with sheer white tights that were waterproof. You always felt so weird wearing it during co-ed training sessions, but Momo urged you to feel confident in it, telling you that you looked sooo hot in it. You got to the girls locker room early to slip into your hero suit. You made your way over to the boys locker room and took a peek inside. They all seemed to be out and training already so you snuck inside. You looked around before you spotted his bag, his All Might backpack. You chuckled a bit before bending over to unzip the bag. You grabbed your textbook from it and zipped the bag back up. You stood up to leave but when you turned to face the door, a large figure stood in your way.
“Oi, what do you think you’re doing in here?” the intimidating blonde scoffed at you. You shuffled backwards, clutching your book in your arms. You were sure that everyone had left already, was he here the whole time? He began to step forward before he was standing an inch from you. You looked up to meet his eyes that were piercing down at you.
“And you’ve got your sexy little hero suit on, its almost like you wanted to get caught in here” he laughed with a devilish grin.
“I-I have training to go to. I was getting my textbook from Izuku’s bag” you managed to say. His eyes filled with rage upon hearing his name. He thought of the late nights you two spent together, he imagined Izuku talking down to you, treating you like some helpless puppy, acting like he was some sort of hero, taking advantage of you. You were taken back by the face he made at you. You knew Bakugo hated Izuku, but what did your relationship with him have to do with that? Was he jealous? Or spiteful?
“I dont know what you see in Deku, but I can promise you, you’ll forget all about him after this” Bakugo said in a husky voice. ‘After what?’ you thought. Before you had time to think, his hand was wrapped around your neck as he pulled his lips to yours, crashing the two together. You and Izuku weren’t dating, but something about this felt wrong. You pulled yourself away from him and stepped back.
“Bakugo, w-we shouldn’t, this isn’t right”
“I don’t think you belong to him do you? Come on, I see the way you look at me”
He was right, you do look at him with flirtatious eyes, or at least, you used to. Before you and Izuku started meeting to study, you would fawn over Bakugo. He never seemed to return the feelings however, always picking on you or making fun of you. You deemed that as him being uninterested, so you moved on from your infatuation, but you were very wrong. He never stopped watching over you, showing his affection in his own odd way. But his heart dropped when he realized you didn’t look at him the same anymore, but looked at Izuku that way instead. He couldn’t stand to see you with that nerd when he deserved to have you. You were lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize he had stepped closer to you. You were up against the lockers now, your exposed back grazing the cold metal.
He bent down and whispered seductively in your ear, “Let me make you feel good baby, we don’t have much time in here and I think you should see what a real man feels like”. He pressed his lips to yours, more feverishly this time, as if he was about to lose you. His tongue invaded your mouth and tangled with yours. You didn’t pull away this time so he slipped his hand under your suit and began to grab at your breast. He brought his coarse fingers to your nipples and began gently rolling it around between them. You let out a breathy moan into his mouth. He shuddered at the sound of your voice, he loved hearing you enjoy his touch.
He traced his free hand down your stomach until he got to the waist band of your tight bottoms. You squeeze his shoulder with one hand and run your fingers through his hair with the other. He slipped his hand underneath and started by running his fingers along your folds. He dipped two fingers into your cunt and began to gently pump them in and out of you. He removed his lips from yours, moving down to your neck, sucking and biting at your tender flesh. You let out soft cries as his fingers pick up the pace.
“Tell me what you want” he demanded, looking back up into your eyes. You felt a pang of guilt in your chest as you remembered why you were in the locker room in the first place. Anguish and regret was painted on your face and Bakugo noticed.
“Don’t feel bad baby, what he doesn’t know cant hurt him, now be a good girl and tell me exactly what you want” he said as he plunged another finger inside you. Your legs shook and all your thoughts of Izuku vanished under his touch. He was only trying to comfort you in the moment, but he wanted Izuku to know what you two were doing.
“P-please I want you, I want you i-inside please” you begged. You needed to feel him, you needed him to fuck you.
“I knew it, Deku’s just not doing it for ya is he?” he said with a cocky grin. Truth be told, you and Izuku had never gotten that far before because he was taking things too slow. You desperately needed a good fuck, it had been months since you’ve last felt this good. You knew Izuku would be a gentle sweetheart in the sheets but you needed someone who could do both; fuck you senseless but also make love, and Bakugo could hit both those marks.
He removed his fingers from you as you clenched around the emptiness he left. He pulled your bottoms down and quickly turned you around, pushing your face into the lockers. You hear him fumble to unzip his pants before he prodded his member at your entrance. You couldn’t look back to see exactly how big he was but when he began to drag his cock along your folds, your legs started to tremble. He gathered your slick and pushed into you. You let out a loud cry as your walls grasped onto his girthy cock. He grabbed your wrists and pulled them behind your back, holding them with one hand. He started to violently pound into you, his balls slapping against your swollen lips, echoing in the empty locker room. He used his free hand to reach around and started to swirl his fingers around your sensitive nub. His pace never let up, he started to thrust harder and deeper with every second. Tears started to form as you felt your orgasm coming up.
“Who do you belong to?” he grunted into your ear, his breath hot against your neck.
“You Katsuki, I be-belong to you”
“Thats right babygirl, only me, now cum all over my cock”
Your legs began to quiver and your entire body convulsed. You let out a long cry as your walls clenched and released your juices all over him. He couldn’t take much more after that and removed his hand from your nub before he grabbed at your ass, gripping onto it for dear life. His pace quickened before he quickly pulled out, his cock twitching, warm shots of cum spurting all over your back and ass. He leaned to kiss you on the cheek then walked over to his bag, pulling out a small white towel. You stayed motionless, still with your face pressed against the lockers waiting for him to return. He cleaned you up and turned you around to face him. Realizing how long you two were in there, you quickly pulled your bottoms and tights up, fearful that the other boys would be returning any moment. Bakugo looked disappointed in how rushed you were to leave him. You tried to step forward but he planted a hand next to your head against the lockers. With his other hand he tilted your chin up and placed a soft kiss on your lips.
“You know I can tutor you right?” he said with a small smirk. You blushed at the suggestion. You didn’t really need tutoring anymore, but you would love to see him again. Before you could answer you heard a door open. Bakugo removed his arm from the locker and turned to look at who interrupted you two.
“Y/n! Are you okay? Did you find my bag?” he asked sympathetically. You swallowed hard and just nodded, bending to pick up the textbook you had dropped. You quickly scurried to the door before looking back at Bakugo quickly with a stern eye, as if signaling for him to ‘keep his mouth shut’. He looked back at you with a devious smile and a wink before you shut the door.
“What are you doing in here with y/n? What did you do?”
“I just taught her a lesson, I don’t think she’ll be needing your help anymore” Bakugo said with a smug grin before leaving Izuku alone in the locker room.
449 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Savior || Wayne McCullough
A/N: Just some teenage girl trying to write the story inside her head, hope u like it.
Pairing: Wayne McCullough x oc
Warnings: rape, intention of rape, harassment, blood mention, bullying, language (a little strong)
.................
.................
I've always like to watch him by far, he just seems different from the rest (and oh boy, he is).
The first time I saw him I was in 7th grade. I was just one more girl of the many others that her tities just had started to show and my period started to visit me. I remember that day clearly, I was sitting at the hallway with my bestfriend at the time, eating infront of our lockers when I saw him.
"Am telling ya girl, the answer of number 5 was c." I said trying to reason with her about the science test answers "I told you that if u needed help to study, I could help ya." I smile at her and move my arm upward to touch her shoulder
"Yeah, yeah, I know...are you sure it was not D?" she said frowning her eyebrows once more. We stayed in silence for a sec before bursting into laughter and tears
Little by little our laughs started to fade, allowing ears to hear the background and aswell some loud voices, it sounded like an argument but by the hears of it a fight was going to start soon. "What you think is happening over there?" Cassie murmured, I stared at the end of the hallway where apparently was were the voices were coming from.
"I don't know..." my lips formed a thin line while I was thinking about what could have been happening in there, "You wanna, you know, go and see?" I looked back at my friend
"Freak yeah" she laughed grabbing my hand and running down the hallway to see the soon to be fight.
Once we got there, there was a mass of students surrounding what appeared to be the ones who where arguing. "Ugh, I can't see, I hate been so small." I said, "Hey, that smallness is beautiful and you know you can use that in your own benefit" Cassia said and winked at me.
"I mean, yeah but I can't-" my word stopped at the moment I heard a want sounded and I believe to be a punch in the face. "You saw that!?" Cassie said, "That was freaking awesome, please tell me you saw it!" "Um, nah Cassie, I cant see a crap" i said while trying to find a whole where to see through.
It was only a matter of seconds until more punches were heard. I started pushing people more frantically, I wanted to see what was happening. When I get pass a few amount of studens I almost slipped, looked sown to see what was it and it was stains of blood, only a few but still.
"Oh gosh, disgusting." When I look up only a few students are still in the cafeteria and a guy wearing a grey hoddie was just there, staring at the bloodie face of another guy. I stared back at the hoddie guy and noticed a little hammer in his hand, and the words just came out of my mouth without even noticing, "Why the hammer? Want to be a constructed or something?" He just stared at me and pass by me without saying a word and keeping a neutral face.
"Who the hell was that crazy ass weirdo?" I hear Cassie's voice behind me. "I don't know" I responded, "But I will know...one day."
"Ok,ok, am not going to get in between your little search thingi but am sure he is not good news." Cassie said, "You saw what he did, and he has a FREAKING hammer, y/n! Covered in blood y/n!" She grabbed my shoulders from behind, "I think we all understood the message, stay the fuck away from him, honey."
And I just smiled.
Months later I learned his name. Wayne, Wayne McCullough. Fits the ring if you ask me. Everyone was speaking about how violent, crazy and wierdo he was, about how he was going to show up at your house to beat the hell put of you.
I just observed him by far, well, I like to think that I noticed him. I noticed how he usually beats up those who are some assholes jerks that have only one brain cell as much. Noticed that he is not much of a talker and a shy boy. Noticed how he makes his lips thin when he gets lost in thoughts. How he closes his fist when he is about to do something. His strangely high pain tolerance. His pale skin and dark hair appeared to me to be very llamative and aswell his strength. He was and is skinny but somehow has a great strength, maybe do to the unincredible amounts of fights he gets in. Experience makes the master is what the say...right?
Years went by, we entered to highschool and the nervousness along with the fast beating, sweating and butterflies were still there every time i either tought about him or saw him walking around.
Cassie stayed with me for a while until she decided to join the group of nasty ass bitches with no brain cells who believed no one was better than them. While I...well, I stayed small for a big part I guess, always with good grades, teachers love me and try to be nice with every one I guess.
Everything was going great until Cassie along with some guys recorded me somehow while being drunk and them trying to overpass the boundaries, and let me tell ya.. that was just the start.
The had videos of me at the school bathroom, pictures of my underwear under my skirts and dresses, them trying to touch me. I had to learn to defend myself, stopped using skirts, dresses, shorts even do I loved wearing the. Replace my shoes with tennis and always had hair ties.
"Y/n, wake up! You're going to be late for school, don't think ama wait for you!" I mom yelled.
"Yes, mom! Dont worry, am up!" I run down the stairs with my backpack, went to the kitchen, grabbed an apple and went straight to the car.
"Oh for God sake, y/n" she said went she looked at me and noticed my new hair style.
"What? You don't like it? I just cut it a little." I satered at her innocently
"Your father is not gonna like it and you know it." She said and the stress lines appeared in her forehead, "You know this is his weekend and-"
She couldn't finish her sentence because I started taking, "Am not going to that dickheads house, mother." I said strainly, "Don't want to see his and face of that bitch he cheated you with..." i lowly said but loud enough to hear.
"I know, honey but you have to and besides you get to see your brother!" She patted my thigh, "Haven't seen him in a while right?" She said with a sad tone
"You should be the one seeing him...not me." I stared outside the window, there were just some trees and houses and garbage.
Mom and dad divorced a while back, he cheated on her. The house was a mess that day, screams and broken glass everywhere. Sammy was lucky, he was at grandma's but I was home...listening to every single word. That was also the first time a sneaked out and the first time I sort-of spoke to Wayne.
"What are you doing here?" I heard someone said behind me, I looked and it was fucking Wayne
"Just trying to have some quietness i guess..." I stared at my fingers and started playing with them because of my nervousness, "...What are you doing here?" I asked softly
And he stayed silent...the whole time after that. Either way, his company was nice and the side profile, ufff, amazing.
"Ok, we are here." I stared at the building for a sec before giving my mother a kiss in her cheek and entered to the building.
"Hey y/n! Nice ass!" That was the jerk of all jerks, Jonathan.
I turned around and stared at him, "Oh yeah?" He nodded, "Want to see me shop of your dick?" Changed my tone while saying that into a lower and more serious tone. He just stared at me with sealed lips and left.
I continued walking to my locker and I come to see tgat my freaking lock is broken, I search in all the spaces but nothing is missing.
"Come on! They had just changed me of locker!" I silently yelled. Started grabbing my books for the next few classes when I felt a hand in my shoulder, by instinct I grabbed the wrist, pushed the person against the locker and added pressure in the throat with my other arm.
"Hey y/n" Orlando smiled, "New move?" I chuckled and removed my arm, now, standing face to face I respond
"You know you shouldn't do that Orlando bunny." I laugh st the nickname I gave him a few time ago. Orlando was one of the few FEW people who talked to me, well, he talked to everyone but still.
"I know... I just forgot I guess man." He looked down, "Y/n...have your tities grown bigger?" His face looked confused.
I slapped his head and punched his shoulder, "Could you please stop looking and thinking 'bout tities when am around you?"
"I mean, yeah sure...and sorry about your lock." He points the locker, "Wayne thought it was still his but since-" I cut him off before he could continue
"Wayne?" I asked confused
"Yeah, Is tha-" i cut him off again
"Why did he tho?" I murmured staring at my lock in hand.
"It used to be his locker but oh well...he missed school for 3 weeks and yeah." He grabs his backpacks laces after explaining.
"Oh...ok, is he still here tho?" I looked at Orlando
"I guess..." he was about to say pther thing when the bell ring and we started to go toour classes, "See you later gorgeous!" He yells from the corner of the hallway.
I stayed there...just staring at my lock for a while, then order my things fast and left to class. What I didn't know was that someone was watching at me.
Three days later, i was walking back home and i heard s car going at full speed and nasty comments were started to be listend. I kept walking trying tk pretend they didn't exist when the car is suddenly over the sideway and infront of me.
"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME ASSHOLES!!" I yelled.
"But...you are bot dead right, bitch?" Jonathan said getting out of the car. There were five, 2 guys and 3 girls. "Don't prefer to suck my dick and be my slut, promise I'll pay a good amount." He said infront of me,
"She is already a slut baby." Veronica said
"I bet she has sleeped with half school, wouldn't surprise me if you haven been org*e or something." You know, comments are comments, you are the one who decide what hurt you and whats does not, but being Cassie the one who said that...broke my freaking heart.
I couldn't stand it anymore, wanted to leave the place so i came up with a plan very fast. I walked closer to Jonathan trying to be the most seductive I could, touched his chest, abs and got closer to his ear and said, "You are going to regret everything" Punched him with all my strenght in this genitiles, stomp on his feet, punched his nose and ran the faster I could out of there.
"You bitch!" I heard from far but i continued running, I couldn't stop, i was scared, didn't know what could happen if the get me. I could hear the car engines behind me, but i didn't stop.
I was close a bridge, ran underneath it, passed some houses but i could still hear the voices and car. My legs hurt, i needed to catch my breath, i could hear my heart beat, my body felt on fire. When I less expected am suddenly trapped, there were some abandoned buildings and warehouses but no way to get put of there. This was it, my end.
"Couldn't escape from me you nasty little bitch!?" I heard his voice, i was never one to pray but believe when i say i begged to God to save me. "You ain't going anywhere...bitch" he was behind me, I could sense it.
My hair was pulled, he pulls me by my hair to his car and i notice that it's just him and another guy. Am not getting out of here.
"We are going to have so much fun!" He licks my cheek and i try to kick him wherever.
"HELP!" I yelled, "SOMEBODY PLEASE, HELP!" my voice sounded horrific, like if i hadn't drank a single drop of water in ages, "please" y murmure my last pledge before he finally puts me over the capo of his car.
"No one's gonna help you, you slut." He says, the other guy was just watching and standing still, doing nothing.
I gave up, didn't even notice I was crying until I tasted the salt in my lips. I felt him over me, unbucking my pants and then...i didnt felt his weight anymore, instead, i heard a cry of pain, and then another cry, and another and another.
I lifted my head and there he was, grey hoddie and little hammer in hand...my savior. I smiled.
My smile just grew bigger and bigger every second I saw that boy swing that motherfucker hammer, every second that Jonathan's blood was spilled. I lool around in search pf the pther guy scared that he might try to grab but I get calm when i see him unconscious on the floor.
A few minuts later th cries stop and i look up, Jonathan was missing 3 teeths and face covered with blood, i think he could even have a brocken rib or something.
Am sitting on top of the car's capo when a feel a slight, fragile touch.
"You ok?" Wayne askes pulling a string of my hair behind my ear.
"...now I am." I smile to him and he returns a little small tiny one with a grin. I was about to say something else when he suddenly speaks
"Want to be my girlfriend or whatever?" He says looking exhausted, I chuckle
"Try a little harder and I might be." I say soflty with a small thin smile and he avoids my eyes but I still get to notice a small blush.
...................
Hey! So, yeah. This is my first ever published thing. Hope you enjoyed it and if you want a part two or to keep writing, am open to any suggestion! Am not very good with the warnings section so if you could help me with it, i would totally apreciate that!
Thank you for reading,
#fanfic#wayne mccullough#wayne mccullough x reader#wayne mccullough x y/n#fanfiction#wayne mccullough fanfic#wayne mccullough fanfiction#wayne#wayne x reader
504 notes
·
View notes
Note
hiluuu! can i request a scenario/drabble for tsukishima, kuroo, oikawa, and akaashi where they're in a heated argument with their fem!s/o, then she suddenly faints? turns out she had a fever since the morning and hid it from them but got worse during their fight?
their s/o faints during a heated argument
with tsukishima k, kuroo t, oikawa t, akaashi k
a/n: thank you for requesting i hope you enjoy, im sorry this took forever?????? they get longer each one omg
tsukishima k
you don't even remember why you both are fighting, as he sips another insult your headache gets worse. as you don't say anything just raise your hand to your head he gets even more frustrated. "can you at least act like your age, ignoring me isn't going to resolve the issue." he says not noticing how your body starts to shuffle as you try and keep your balance. rolling his eyes turning to the door, "im not going to deal with this today-" before he can finish he hears a loud thud, turning around he sees your body on the floor. rushing to the floor next to you, "y/n?" bringing his hands up to your head, biting his lip cursing at himself in his head. picking up and lays you down in the bed as he gets water and a towel. when you wake up again you notice youre in bed, trying to sit up youre pushed back down. “don't do that, that wasn't cool” he says in a low tone, handing you a glass and some medicine. taking them both with a nod, “thank you kei and im sorry” you say handing the glass back to him, setting it down on the table he takes your hand. gently kissing the back of it and resting his head on your hand. “why are you on the floor?” you softly smile at him hearing a small ‘shut up.’
kuroo t
the fight started because he started to prioritize the volleyball team more than you. it didnt bother you that he stayed late, went early to practice, it didnt bother you until he started canceling plans with you. he told you repeatedly he would spend more time with you, today not being any different waiting in the rain in front of the cafe you both decided to eat at. not until 10 minutes had passed you went back to the school, walking to the gym with angry steps you opened the door roughly. the whole team looking at you soaking wet, frozen for a second he walks over to you. “y/n what are you doing here?” he says in an annoyed tone. “don't give me that bullshit tetsurō, we had plans today i waited for you to only be stood up again, are you even serious about this? us?” you say motioning your hand between him and you. rolling his eyes and he huffs, “can you stop being dramatic? im a captain this team needs me i didnt know you could be so selfish” widening your eyes at him, trying to catch your breath you close your eyes. “selfish? me selfish? you have some nerve i'll be leaving since i dont wanna bother the captain and his team” you say sarcastically, stepping back outside you start coughing. kuroo following behind you, “this conversation isn't done yet” he says grabbing your wrist, turning you around and his eyes widen. “y/n? you look pale are you okay?” he says as he does your eyes roll back and your legs give out. taking you in his arms he rushed inside asking the guys to grab towels to dry you off. sitting down on the floor with you in between his legs, he holds you close feeling guilty. feeling you stir awake he kisses your cheek, “im so sorry babe this is my fault, if i had just been there you wouldnt have been waiting in the rain” he says hugging you tighter. “im serious about us more than anything. i'll try harder to put more effort into our relationship. “i trust you tetsu and do you have any medicine? my heads killing me” you say smiling, he smiles and hands you a bottle of pills and a water.
oikawa t
sitting on the couch, rubbing your temples. “tooru can we please talk about this? youve been ignoring me all day” you say looking at him as he paces the room. “oh now you wanna talk? i thought you were too busy with iwa to notice me” he said stopping to look at you. “wow why are you so mad? what does iwaizumi have to do with this?” you say giving him a confused face as you rest your hand on the back of the couch. “y/n why dont you just date him huh? you obviously like him so much, why are you even with me?” he says getting louder each word. “literally what?” you saying this getting him more frustrated. sighing at those words he runs his hands through his hair, “i saw you both hugging if i knew you were just jumping my friends maybe i what've listened to all those girls.” “okay now what the actual fuck tooru? i can't hug a friend all of a sudden? did you just imply that i am cheating? i cannot believe you” you say feeling your anger bubble up, he opens his mouth to say something. “no no! because how dare you, you have girls all over you everywhere trying to take pictures and give you gifts, you expect me to worship the ground like they do dont you? guess what im not, you dont get to accuse me of cheating because i hugged someone that someone being your closest friend just what person do you take me as huh?” you say getting up fast, maybe too fast as the pounding in your head gets louder. leaning your weight on the couch as you continue, “me and iwaizumi share one simple goal and thats to keep your ass in line, all those late nights and you overworking yourself, you not coming to anyone for help and your bratty ass attitude hes the only one who'll help me deal with you, im not gonna let you blame him because all hes done is help you.” you say getting the strength to get closer to him as you try and take a step your legs falter. his initial reaction to everything you said had his eyes widened and mouth agape, seeing you almost fall sent him over to you trying to help. “no i can do i-” you say as you start to fall and everything goes black. opening your eyes slowly you feel something cool on your head, “hey youre up” a voice says softly. looking over to see tooru next to you as he grabs your hand, before you could say anything else he speaks up. “let me talk for a bit yeah?” he asks as he looks at your joined hands, whispering a soft “okay” he continues. “im sorry, im sorry for not noticing you weren't feeling good, im sorry for saying you cheated, im sorry for yelling, i just got insecure after i heard some girls talk about how cute you and iwa look and seeing you both hug like that just set me off” he says lifting your hands and kisses your knuckles. “i like how you dont worship the ground i step on, i like how you fight back but when i need you most youre always there. i appreciate everything you and iwa do, i love you y/n.” he finishes and looks at you with teary eyes, pulling him down into a hug you whisper “i love you too.”
akaashi k
now arguing with him isnt a normal thing, usually you both can speak calmly and work it out. he gets frustrated because you're not listening and he's been having a stressed week and just kinda blows up. sighing as he runs his hands through his hair, breathing in and out slowly trying to calm himself down. you roll your eyes, “keiji im fine can you just leave me alone, you dont have to treat me like a baby- '' before you could finish he lets out a small mocking laugh. “i wouldnt treat you like one if you didnt act like one, y/n grow up and take some responsibility so /i/ dont have to be the bad guy, the stressed one, the one who has to take care of you.” staring at him with wide eyes he continues, “you wanted me to stop treating you like a baby stop looking so shocked.” you feel a tickle in your throat, trying to hold it in hoping if youre quiet enough you could sneak away. ultimately failing and having a coughing fit you feel your legs get wobbly. “were you trying to hold it in? so childish” he says looking away about to walk off, turning his head to look at you before he walks away he sees your eyes roll back. you wake up on the couch with a wet towel and a blanket on you, slowly sitting up and looking towards the kitchen you see akaashi quietly making you food. looking back at the table you see a glass and some medicine. taking the items and washing them down alerted akaashi to you being awake, rushing to you he looks down at his hands as he picks at them. “how are you feeling?” he asks quietly, you answer with a quick “fine.” sitting on the side of the couch he faces you, “im sorry theres really no excuse for the way i acted i just i hate seeing you trying to be okay when youre not.” scooting closer you rest your head on his shoulder, “if what its worth i like when you baby me” smiling at you he kisses your forehead. “i'll remember that.”
not proofread
#haikyu x reader#haikyu#haikyuu#tsukishima x reader#kuroo x reader#oikawa x reader#akaashi x reader#tsukishima x y/n#kuroo x y/n#oikawa x y/n#akaashi x y/n#tsukishima x you#kuroo x you#oikawa x you#akaashi x you
317 notes
·
View notes
Text
Majesty Pt 10 || JJK
Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Genre : slow burn,angst,fluff,virgin reader,King JK,future smut
Warnings : Jungkook gets a little jealous
Wordcount : 4K
previous | next
"What?!" Was the first thing your mother said, with a shocked look on her face, when you told her about everything that had happen yesterday.
She couldn’t believe that the King would do something like that to you. She couldn’t believe that the man that had sat in her home and promised to care for you just a few weeks prior would do something like this. She just could not believe it. He seemed so nice, he also seemed like he really liked you. "Are you serious? You better not be joking right now, Y/n!"
"Of course I’m not joking, mom! I caught them having sex. I saw it with my own eyes! Why would I be joking about that?" You told her in a annoyed tone. What Jungkook did last night really hurted you, even if you don’t admit it. You thought he liked you, but last night proved that you clearly thought wrong. "He did not even look sorry when I caught them, not even a little bit. He did not even apologize, mom. All he said was, that he needed sex and that I’m a dumb little virgin that doesn’t know anything about." You chuckle ironically at that.
Your mom looks at you with a sad expression on her face. You know she feels sorry for you. She only ever wanted the best for you and now you have a husband that is cheating on you not even a year into your marriage. "Oh dear, I’m so sorry!" She says, putting her arm around your shoulder and rubbing your arm comfortingly. "You guys are married. He should’ve talked to you about it, not sleeping with his ex mistress!"
"I know! I mean, he knew that I’m a virgin from the very beginning, he even said thats why he chose me. So why did he not talk with me about it? maybe we could’ve worked things out. But what did he? He went and slept with that bitch and ruined everything." You sigh. You don’t understand Jungkook. One day he’s being nice to you and then the next day it’s like he’s a whole another person. "I don’t wanna go back to the castle, mom." You tell her, turning your face so you can look at her. "You don’t have to!" She tells you calmly. She would never make you go back to castle, back to him, that’s not what kind of person she was. If you wanted to stay here, then you’re going to stay here.
You were on your way back home later that day. Your mom has asked you to pick up some milk and flour for her, since she wanted to bake a cake and was out those things. So you went and got them for her. You were carelessly waking home, when you saw the King and two bodyguards by his side, standing outside of your house. You really did not want to see him again, not after yesterday. But here he was, standing right in front of you. You were about to turn around and walk away, but Jungkook turned his head in your direction before you got the chance to even move.
"Ah, see who we got here! My wife that I have been looking for all day." He says weirdly calm, as he started approaching you. You grabbed the bag you were holding more tightly, when he got closer. Just seeing his face again made you angry again. You cannot believe he has the audacity to come here, to your home, looking for you. After what he did yesterday night. "Care to explain why you’re here and not at the castle, hm?"
You laugh at that, you actually have to laugh at that. Is he seriously asking you that right now? "Jungkook, are you dumb?" You ask him and he looks at you a little dumbfounded. "I think you already know the answer as to why I’m here! So dont act dumb and stop asking me those stupid questions." You tell him and start walking inside, to get away from him, but he follows you. Of course he would follow you.
When you got inside, you find your mother in the kitchen. She looks at you worriedly, obviously already knowing that Jungkook was waiting for you outside. She had told him that you weren’t home, when he came and looked for you. She told him that he should just leave and that you weren’t going back to castle with him, but he just shook his head, smiled at her and said "oh, she is coming back with me." And walked back outside to wait for you.
You let out a sigh and put down your bag. You knew that Jungkook would notice you being gone and you knew that he would find you. I mean, how could he not? It probably wasn’t hard for him to find you anyway. Jungkook knew that you would go to your mom’s home, where else would you go?
You heard Jungkook walking in right behind you. "Come on, Y/n, I don’t have much time. Just hurry up so we can go home."
"I am not going home with you, Jungkook!" You turn around to look at him. He’s starting to irritate you. "I don’t even know why you came here in the first place. I left for a reason! And that reason is, that we’re done and I’m staying here." Turning around again and getting the your moms stuff out of the back. Grabbing them with a little too much force than necessary.
He chuckles behind you, which irritates you more. "Aw don’t be mad at me." He says, leaning into you so he’s at head level with you. "Let’s go home, Bambi." He whispers into your ear.
You turn your head around so fast at the mention of your nickname, almost bumping your head into Jungkook‘s. "What did you just call me?" You ask him, with wide eyes.
"Wow chill." He tells you, putting up hands in front of him. "What did you just call me, Jungkook?" You ask him again.
He looks at you confused, not understanding your sudden outburst. "I called you by your name!" He explains. But you don’t believe him. You heard something different. "No, that’s not what you said!"
"Uh yes? I said, let’s go home, Y/n. - what’s wrong with you, are you okay?" He ask you, putting his hand on your forehead to check if you were sick.
You roll your eyes at him. "I’m fine!" You say, putting his hand away from you. "I just - I don’t know. I thought I heard something different." Shaking your head. Are you going crazy now? You probably imagined it, Jungkook couldn’t have called you by your nickname, he doesn’t even know your nickname.
"Okay so, if your don’t with that now," Jungkook starts, pointing his head towards the stuff on the counter, interrupting your thoughts. "Then let’s go home, now."
"I think you should just go home with him, darling." Your mom interrupts, making you both turn your heads. Is she forreal? "What? Mom, no!" You quickly say, but she shakes her head. "Y/n, dear, Jungkook obviously won’t leave without you." She says, looking in his direction and he nods, confirming her words. "You’re going to stand here till dawn still saying no. Just make it easier for you and go with him. He’s your husband after all."
Your moms right. You have to go back, even if you don’t want to. You’re married to him and he’s also the King. You should just behave and go back to the castle with him and avoid getting punished.
"Ugh fine!" You say throwing your hands up in the air. You cannot believe you just agreed on going back to the castle. You can see Jungkook grinning from the corner of your eye, obviously happy to he got his way again, like always. You just roll your eyes at that.
You really did not want to go back to the castle, but here you were.
You ignored Jungkook the whole way back to castle. You did not feel like talking to him. Even when he talked to you, you did not answer him.
It hasn’t even been 24/7 hours yet and your already back. You wish you could just turn around and leave again, but you knew you couldn’t. Jungkook would find and bring you back to the castle anyway. So you did not even try. When you got inside you saw Maria and a few of the other maids looking at you with a apologetic and worried look on their faces.
You did not like that all. You did not like that they looked at you like that, like they felt sorry for you, when they knew what he was doing all along.
"Do I have something on my face or why do y’all keep looking at me?" You asked them annoyed. They all quickly looked away and got back to their work. Making you shake your head.
"Don’t be so mean to them, Y/n. They were worried for you!"
"I don’t care." You tell him, walking up the stairs to go to your room. Wanting to get away from everyone. But Jungkook followed you. "What Are you doing?" He asked you when he saw you opening the door to your old room, you stayed in when you first arrived at the castle.
"Well, what does it look like? I’m going into my room." You say, shrugging your shoulders. Turning around again to get into your room, but Jungkook puts his hand on your arm stopping you. "This isn’t your room, Y/n, you know that. Our room is down the hall, you’re at the wrong door, baby."
You cross your arms in front of your chest and squint your eyes at him. "I’m not going back into that room with you, Jungkook!"
He tilts his head and quirks his eyebrow at you. "Why not?" Is he really asking you why?
You shake your head and laugh at him. "Jungkook, do you really think im going back into that room and sleep in same bed with you, you fucked another woman in?" You ask him, already irritated again. "Cause if that’s what you thought, then you thought wrong! I’m not going back into that room!"
Now Jungkook is the one laughing at you and you have to hold yourself back from punishing him in his annoying face. "The bed has obviously been cleaned already!" He says, as if that made anything better. "Now, quit acting like a child and come back to our room with me."
"No!" You shake your head. "Now, if you would excuse me, I would like to go back to my room!" You smile at him, opening the door to your room and quickly closing and locking it after you.
Jungkook stays outside of your room for a while saying that you don’t have to stay in that room and should come back to your shared bedroom and that you would regret it if you stayed in that room, but you ignored him and went to take a bath instead.
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
It’s been a few months since the day you got back to castle. Jungkook and you have gotten a little closer again since then, but you still don’t sleep in the same room with him. You still did not forgive Jungkook for cheating on you. He hurted you and that’s not something you just forgive someone, you just try to not think about it as much, but that doesn’t mean you forgot about. Jungkook also hasn’t seen his ex mistress ever since that day you caught them together, which is good you guess. Everything has gotten back to normal again, you eat together, spend the day together (whenever Jungkook is home) you spend time with Leo, spend a lot of time in the library or some day you just stay in your room.
"Y/n, where are you?" You can hear Jungkook yell from a distance. Before he opens the door to the library and finds you. "There you are!" He says with a smile on as he starts walking toward you.
"Here I am." You smile.
"I knew I would find you here." He says, standing behind you and putting his hands on your shoulder. You smile at him at that. "But why are you here reading a book? We’re leaving in 20 minutes to visit the neighborhood Kingdom, shouldn’t you get ready?" He asks and you freeze. You totally forgot about that. Shit.
You quickly close the book you were reading and turn around in your seat. "That is today? Oh my god I totally forgot about that, I’m sorry!" You quickly say, as you get up so you can go and get ready.
Jungkook finds your reaction cute. He’s not mad at you because you forgot about your meeting today, he sometimes forgets stuff too, that’s okay. "It’s okay!" He tells you, as you both walk out of the library. "You should hurry up and get ready tho."
You turn your head and nod. "Okay." You say, quickly walking to your room to get changed.
You changed into a light blue dress and quickly did your hair. You did not want to be late, so you got done as fast as you could. Jungkook was already waiting at the door for you when you got down, he was wearing a beige suit with a few gold details. His black hair was shorter now than it used to be, since he cut it last week. You liked his new hairstyle, it suited him really well.
You arrived at the neighborhood Kingdom faster than you expected, it only took you like 30 minutes to get here. The castle was beautiful, a little smaller than yours but it was still pretty big. It was dark brown much, much different to yours, but you liked it.
One of the chamberlains brought you and Jungkook to the King’s royals office, where he was waiting for you.
You gasped at how beautiful the King was. When doors the office opened and you finally saw him. You dared to say he was even a little more handsome than Jungkook. His light brown hair was pushed back exposing his forehead and his beautiful face, he had lips so plum that you suddenly felt the need to kiss him. He had broad shoulders and was really tall, which you noticed when he got up to greet the both of you.
"Hello, I’m Kim Seokjin, King of Caspian. It’s a pleasure meeting you." He introduced himself to you, kissing the back of your hand.
You look down on your hand he was holding before quickly introducing yourself. "I’m Y/n, his wife." You say while looking at Jungkook to see him with a sour look on his face. "It’s nice meeting you, your highness." You say, as you turn your head around again to look at him. He gives you a beautiful smile, before letting go of your hand to greet Jungkook.
They quickly greet each other and get right to work. You just sit there not understanding a thing, being bored out of your mind. If you were at home you would leave and go hang out with Leo, but you weren’t at home, so you were forced to sit here and listen to stuff you don’t understand.
They finally finished their work later that day. You’re happy to be finally going home, you sat here almost all day, you really wanna go home now. You all get up to say your goodbyes and leave. "Would you like to stay for dinner?" Seokjin asks, when he got up. You and Jungkook quickly look at each other before looking back at Seokjin.
"We can’t - Sure." You both say at the same time. You thought staying for dinner would be nice, since he asked so nicely but Jungkook apparently had other plans. "We would love to stay." You say quickly, when you see the confused look on Seokjins face.
He nods and smiles. "Perfect! Then lets go down to eat." He says, "I’m sure dinner must be done already." He points towards the door, silently asking you to follow him.
When you look over to Jungkook you can see that he’s pissed, his jaw is clenched and his stare is intense. "Why did you do that?" He asks in a whisper. You don’t understand why he’s mad. "I just thought it would be nice to have dinner with him." You shrug. "We’re already here anyway, staying over a little big longer for dinner won’t hurt." You say, but your words just seem to piss him off more.
When you arrive downstairs at dining room, the table is already full of food. It looks so delicious that your stomach crumbles, you had food before you came over but eating again won’t hurt, right?
You all sit down, you and Jungkook sit down next each other while Seokjin sits down on his usual seat. Once you sit down, the maid immediately fill your plates with food. Probably a little more than you can eat, but you don’t mind. You all start eating and you almost moan once the food hits your tastebuds. You thought Maria was a amazing cook, but this food taste just a slight better.
Jungkook and Seokjin have a little small talk while you continue eating. "So when did you guys get married?" Seokjin asks and you look up.
"Just a few months ago." Jungkook answers for you. Seokjin nods before he continues. "So how did you guys meet? Did you meet her at you wife competition?" He asks and you nod.
"Yeah." You tell him. "I thought Jungkook would never choose someone like me, but he did." You smile and look at Jungkook to see him not even smiling a bit. You turn your head again to look at Seokjin again. "But yeah, that’s how we met."
"When are you planning on getting married?" Jungkook asks in return.
Seokjin takes a sip of his wine and smiles. "I don’t know. I would wish to marry someone as beautiful as you." He says while looking at you. "I wish I had found first instead of Jungkook, i would treat you so good."
You chuckle awkwardly at him, while your hair behind your ear. You did not know what do say to that - what Are you even supposed to say to something like that?
Jungkook clenches his fists tightly behind you, which you don’t notice. He cannot believe Seokjin is flirting with his wife right in front of him. He takes a deep breath to try to calm him down.
"Does Jungkook treat you right, Y/n?" He asks you suddenly.
You’re not sure what to say... I mean, he treats you nice (sometimes) "U-Uh yeah - yeah he does." You quickly say and nod your head.
All Seokjin does is smile at that and continues eating.
You left Seokjins Kingdom a little while after finishing dinner. You were glad you left. He kinda started creeping you out towards the end, so you were more than happy to leave.
You went to take a shower when you arrived at home.
Jungkook kept acting weird on your ride home, maybe because he wasn’t happy about staying for dinner? But you don’t understand why he had a problem with that.
You got out the shower and walked back into your room. When you closed the bathroom door behind you, you gasped and almost let go of your towel. Jungkook was sitting on your bed just looking at you. You did not expect him to be here, so seeing him here in your room startled you.
"When did you came in?" You ask him, as you hold you towel around you more tightly.
"Just a few minutes ago." He explains.
"Okay, why are you here."
He shrugs. "I wanted to talk to you, but you were in the shower so I waited." He says, as he looks you up and down.
You can feel his eyes on you which makes you blush. "Oh! Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Biting your lip nervously.
"About earlier - Come sit down." He says, patting the empty seat on the bed next to him. You hesitate for a bit. Your still naked with only your towel around you to hide your body from him, but end up sitting down next to him anyway.
You sit down carefully, while crossing your legs, not wanting to expose anything.
Jungkook turns his body in your direction once you sit down next to him. "Why did you not say anything when Seokjin was flirting with you earlier?" He asks you.
You look at him confused. "W-what do you mean? He wasn’t flirting with me, Jungkook. I think he was trying to be nice?" You say, which sounds more like a question.
"No. He was clearly flirting with you." He explains. "Right in front of me, that fucker flirted with you right in front of me! I wanted to punsh him in his face so bad." He says with a clenched jaw.
You put your hands over his trying to calm him down. "Well, it’s not my fault that he was "flirting with me". You say. "And why are you so mad about it? I’m your wife not his‘, I’ll tell him to fuck off the next time."
Jungkook shakes his head, while taking your hands in his'. "There won’t be a next time! You won’t go back there again, never."
"Alright, then don’t worry about it anymore. It won’t happen again." You tell him, looking down at your hands. You love the way your hands look together, they’re like a perfect fit for each other.
"What do I have to do for you to come and sleep with me in our bed again?" He suddenly asks you, which makes you look up. You weren’t expecting that question. You don’t know when your going back to your shared bedroom. You wanna stay in this room for a little longer.
"I don’t know." You shrug. He looks a little sad at your answer, which you find cute. "You can sleep with me here tonight, if you want?" You ask carefully.
He smiles and immediately nods. "I would love to."
You squeeze his hand and smile. "Okay, just let get dressed real quick." You say, before getting and grabbing your nightgown to go get dressed in the bathroom.
When you come out of the bathroom, Jungkook is already laying in bed waiting for you. You go and lay down next to him and he immediately grabs and hugs you from behind. You smile at that, laying in Jungkook’s arms makes you feel saved and dare you say, loved.
"Im happy we’re sharing a bed again." He says, giving you a kiss on you neck, creating goosebumps all over your body. You turn around in his hold to be face to face with him. "I’m happy too, Jungkook."
He looks at you for a while before he leans in closer, taking in a deep breath, inhaling you scent. "Can I kiss you?" He whispers against your lips and you nod. He leans in and your lips touch for the first time again in months. It feels like your kissing him for the first time all over again. Your tummy tingles and your heart beats faster.
Jungkook deepens the kiss while angling his head, propping his tongue against your lips, asking for a invite. You open your mouth after a while and Jungkook carefully slips his tongue inside, you moan once you feel his tongue against yours. It’s a weird feeling, but you like the feeling it’s giving you. Your body suddenly feels hot, wanting more but before you could do anything, Jungkook already backed away from your lips. You whine at the loss and Jungkook chuckles.
"I know how your feeling, baby. But let’s not rush things, okay?" He says, and you nod, understanding what he means. "Let’s go to sleep. We had a long day." He says.
"Okay" you nod, he’s giving you one last kiss before you both fall asleep in each other’s arms.
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
Taglist: @fangirl125reader @min-nicoleee @yzkyzkuniverse @safi4x @zoeshinelove @wearenot7withu @queenmasterxx @dreamer95 @kleritata @hardcarrykookie @bts-junseagull @fareeshaaaa @two-unbeatable-beaters
#bts#jeon jungko#jungkook fic#jungkook smut#jungkook x y/n#bangtan#bts angst#bts fic#bts imagination#bts smut#bts jungkook#jungkook imagine#jungkook fluff#jungkook x reader#jungkook angst#jungkook#bts x reader#bts fanfic#kingdom au#armywriterssupport
174 notes
·
View notes
Text
↬ WAS IT ALL A LIE?
player!tendou x fem!reader, angst, 1.1k words
A/N! the characters are all aged up, also this hurt me to make bc I love tendou w all my heart, my baby boy u_u this was inspired by 'no time to die' by billie eilish
SUMMARY! you catch your boyfriend cheating and lying.
WARNINGS! smoking, drinking, like one swear word, cheating, manipulation
"You know im always here for you, just like you are for me."
Your mind recalled things like this, the words that your boyfriend would reassure you with. He loved you and you loved him dearly, a pair that was always believed to last.
"She's just a friend baby, you know that you're the most beautiful girl in my eyes," your boyfriend would say, smiling cat-like at you like he always does. You smiled, his words lasting in your mind as he pulled you into a kiss. "I love you," he said.
"I love you too," you giggled. You felt whole with him, like he was your other half. You helped him through everything and anything, watching his confidence grow slowly made you feel like you could grow in the same way too. But with growth came changes, and Tendou grew in ways you hadn't expected.
He became more social, more open and fun, life of the party. You were happy, he felt better, his part no long affecting his outlook on life. What better feeling than your loved one growing out of the darkest place in their life.
"Im going out babe!" Your boyfriend called, pushing Semi out the front door, leaving you in your empty apartment. The door slammed shut and you heard Tendous loud, playful banter through the front window.
Again? He went out again?
You started to miss him, you wanted his attention, his touch. You wanted to go out with him, party with the one you loved, smiling and laughing over loud music. To be drinking whatever alcoholic drink he came home drunk after drinking every time.
You called Shirabu, the phone ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, rin–
"Hello?" He answered. "Hey shirabu, where's the party at tonight?" You asked, slipping on a simple out fit, jeans and a tight fit shirt. You wanted to be included, so you were. He gave you the address and you bid farewell, and exiting your home.
Was this right? You climbed into the drivers seat of your car, starting it. Is this intruding? Tendou didnt tell me– didnt even ask you to come? You pulled out of the driveway, and head to the address that your friend had sent to you. So why were you doing this?
Your grip on the steering wheel had your knuckles going white, biting your lip so hard you could draw blood. Upon arrival, first thing you notice are some people chilling on the front porch, loud music pouring from the open windows.
You entered the house and immediately was hit with the smell of weed and alcohol. It was a big house, almost filled with how many people were here. People with a group of friends, people sitting alone in corners, and couples.
Couples holding hands, couples dancing, kissing, smiling, laughing, hugging. Couples in love. Happy, happy couples. You shook the thought out and set out to find your boyfriend, which shouldn't be too hard considering how tall he is.
You bumped into Shirabu and Goshiki who were chilling at the top of the stairs, blunt in hand. Goshiki was saying something to Shirabu, the other male blowing smoke when he noticed you. "Y/n," he said and you smiled, wrapping your arms around the two males.
"Hey you two," you said, noticing how silent Goshiki was, taking a hit of his blunt. "Have you two seen Tendou?" You asked, walking past them and Shirabu smacks Goshikis arm. "Nah. Hey, we're about to head out of here if you wanna join us."
"Hm, he should be here, he said he was, even left with Semi." You said and walked to one of the room door, going to open it and felt a hand on your arm. "They aren't here, lets just go," Shirabu says, blowing smoke as you look at him.
"I can atleast check right?" You aske and raise a brow at him. "Why are you acting to iffy, shira?" Your mind stuck to his words. Was Tendou really there? Did he lie? Where was he? Why did he want to lie to you?
"Y/n," Goshiki mumbled, looking down at his knuckles. You turn to the nervous male, worried eyes. "Whats up go?" He bit his lip and looked over at Shirabu and shirabu sighed. "Tendou, he's cheating on you."
What? What did he say? Were you hearing correctly?
You burst into laughter, this must've been a joke. "Goshiki, you're gonna need better acting than that to convince me," you giggled. They weren't laughing. We're you truly laughing either, or were you just scared of the truth.
"Please, y/n, lets just leave." Shirabu said and you looked at them, with shock just disbelief at their words. "Oh, come on guys, you guys can stop now." Your voice got shakey, you felt your chest tighten and a sick tumbling in your stomach.
"Hey," goshiki said and cupped your cheek wiping– tears? Since when were you crying? why were you crying, it was just a sick prank. Sick prank. "Lets get out of here, okay? Please, dont spend your time on him." Shirabu spoke softly as if to calm you.
You pulled away from the two males and turned to the door that Shirabu tried to stop you from going into. You pushed the door open, eyes searching for Tendou. He couldn't be, right? He wouldn't cheat on you? He loves you?
"You know that you're the most beautiful girl in my eyes," Tendou spoke to a girl, stranger in his lap, blowing smoke. Everyone was suddenly aware of your presence, staring at you. You must've looked pathetic, standing there crying.
Tendou pushed the girl off his lap and stood up. "Baby, what are you doing here?" He asked, his face evident with guilt which he tried hard to hide. You almost believed him, the use of the petname and the look he gave you, but the faces of all the other guys in the room told differently.
Your heart beat picked up, you felt dizzy, sick, nauseous, was the room spinning, you felt numb. "Baby, hey come here," Tendou reached out for you and you were hesitant. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you, he loved you?
Before you could decline or accept his hand, Shirabu stepped in, landing a harsh punch to tendous jaw. Goshiki was quick to pull you away from the scene and hold you into his chest. What was happening? Whats going on? You wanted to forget. Forget forget forget.
"You guys make me sick," Shirabu spat at his old team, slamming the door and turning to you. He grabbed your wrist and dragged you through the house, down the stairs, outside the house, goshiki trailing after us closely. "Some fucking boyfriend he is," he muttered under his breath.
You were the most beautiful girl to him, werent you? He loved you right? After spending those years with him, helping him heal, always being by his side. He opened up to you, let you spend your time fixing and healing him.
Had I fallen for a lie? Were you ever by my side?
taglist: @kekozume @kyuupid @kiyoo-omi @dearestmegumi @bigger-simp-than-kazuichi @neoheros @nekosvno
#frobi.tendou#tendou x reader#tendou imagine#tendou oneshot#tendou fanfic#tendou angst#haikyuu imagine#haikyuu oneshot#haikyuu angst#hq angst#haikyuu tendou#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader
255 notes
·
View notes
Text
test me ; c.yj
pairing: teacher!yeonjun x (of age) student!y/n (fem)
plot: no plot im pretty sure its just smut, part 2 of teacher’s pet
w/c: 1.7K
warnings & other: smut, jealousy, teacher!yeonjun, of age student!y/n, implied cheating, yeonjun possessive, does this count as public sex?, kinda public sex?, revising this at 4am so if there’s still mistakes iM SORRY
⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢
after what happened the other day with beomgyu and yeonjun you thought you had won. getting yeonjun jealous was one of your many hobbies. although he'd encourage you to find a new or better one. what you didn't know was that yeonjun was not gonna let himself get played that easily.
see, yeonjun is possessive. if he's fooling around with you, you're his now. messing around with him the way you did, did not slide with him. he had thought about what you did all weekend long. even though it was something minor like flirting with another teacher, he couldn't wait for monday to arrive. he felt bad not giving attention to his actual girlfriend but messing around with you was much more exciting.
he was glad you were already legal or else he'd be in real trouble. even though having sexual encounters with one of his own students would cost his job at least he wouldn't be sent to jail. the thought of getting caught was exhilarating. he could only imagine fucking into you on his desk roughly when all of a sudden someone walks in.
he liked the idea of humiliating you like that but realized that he was the only that was allowed to see you in that much of a vulnerable state.
with that, monday arrived. you had forgotten about the way you riled up yeonjun a few days back. you figured he wouldn't be too mad about it so you decided to erase it from your mind. clearly you were wrong.
you weren't dressed too crazy today either, just a cozy sweater and some jeans. the hallways were busy as always but this time there seemed to be a common topic of murmur.
"did you see mr. choi today?" "oh my god he looks so hot." "i can't believe the teachers are allowed to come to school like that as if they aren't already good looking enough." "i want him to fuck me so badly."
you tried to keep your face and mind neutral as you walked through the halls. it's not a secret that the teachers at your school were good looking and were a casual topic among the students but why the hell was yeonjun suddenly trending?
you bit the inside of your cheek thinking about how suddenly everyone had his name in their mouths. you shook your head to get rid of these jealous thoughts bubbling in your brain and started trying to get to class.
you were barely past the threshold of the door when you hear yeonjun's stern voice, "you're late." you have to physically stop yourself from gaping at his appearance. his pink hair was pushed back to showcase the glory of his forehead but the killing part in your opinion was the leather pants.
you're not really sure how he was allowed to dress up to school like that but you thanking the heavens that no one told him off about it. your eyes not so subtly wandered to his crotch area and you almost got on your knees right then and there. the leather clung to him for dear life and showcased his toned thighs and not to mention his dick. god, his dick was literally on full display. the cocky bastard probably wanted the whole world to know he had the biggest cock ever. if he was gonna dress up like that might as well wear nothing at all.
you shiver, thinking about the ways in which he would take you right on the desk beside him-
"y/n," yeonjun's voice rips you out of your thoughts. "if you could take your seat?" you blink at him dumbly but regain yourself, two can play at this game.
"yes sir," you purr. he watches you closely as you stride to your seat. yeonjun liked to act like a closed book but you knew him, he was trying to get back at you. you weren't exactly sure if you'd be able to handle it but you're willing to show him you can try.
he starts the lesson like normal but the whispers beside you are more interesting. "i think i can see his dick print," whispers someone near you. you look to the front of the class and grin.
it's was really a good thing the leather pants were tight, it truly didn't leave any room for the imagination. you licked your lips, lost in your own thoughts when yeonjun calls you for the second time today. he was really starting to get on your nerves since he never ever calls on you. "y/n when your done daydreaming can you answer this question?"
you feel heat rise up your neck and cheeks. why the fuck did he call you out like that? surely you weren't the only one not focused on the lesson. you bite back a snarky remark that would've helped your pride and instead just answer his question.
after that, he thankfully leaves you alone for the rest of the hour. you're sure he knows you're not actually paying attention to what he's saying. screw english, at this point you want yeonjun to teach you a different kind of language.
the bell rings and strangely the girls in class take their time getting out of the room. you watch them eye yeonjun up and down and give him flirty goodbyes before finally leaving. the thing that irks you is that yeonjun is entertaining them. you scoff as he winks to a group of girls and tells them to have a nice day.
you look around and notice you're the last person in class so you decide to get up and leave. yeonjun catches you before you can get out. "where do you think you're going?" he remarks. you roll your eyes and remove his hand from your arm. "i'm leaving?"
"after that little stunt you pulled friday? i dont think so," he growls backing you up onto the door, shutting it closed. "oh? wouldn't you rather go at it with one of those other girls?" you look at him bored and he raises a brow at you. "someone's jealousy is showing," he quips.
"i'm not jealous," you defend. yeonjun leans closer to your ear, taking your lobe into his mouth. he licks a stripe along the side of your ear and kisses it making you shiver from his heavy breaths. "you sure?" he whispers. you sigh shakily and he moves to walk back to his desk. he settles himself in his chair, looking over at you expectantly.
you slowly walk over to his figure. he chuckles, eyeing your actions. you drop your bag on the floor by his desk and situate yourself on his lap so that you're straddling him. he places his hand on your thighs as you lean down to kiss him. you whimper when you feel his hands travel to the front of your jeans while he sucks your bottom lip into his mouth. you open your mouth and he wastes no time letting his tongue explore it.
you sigh and find yourself grinding on his crotch. you really can't help it since you can practically feel his cock on you as he gets hard. he moves his hands from your zipper back to your thighs, gripping them roughly. "mm baby," he grunts out in a warning tone.
you don't listen and keep grinding on him, gradually getting quicker in your movements. you're pretty sure you're getting your panties and jeans wet with your cum but you don't care because damn this feels good. at this point you just wanna reach your high, you don't care if yeonjun scolds you afterwards.
yeonjun pulls away from you, scanning over your face. there's a string of saliva from him to you and your eyes are hooded looking down at him. "you're so needy today hm?" he pokes your lip in thought. "i guess i shouldn't have treated you that way today."
"yeonjun please," you whine. you try to grind on him more but he stops you. "take off your pants," he orders. you do as told and get back on his lap. the leather pants feel cold on your thighs making you shiver. "well go on baby," he's smiling up at you evilly. "junnie," you whine again.
he ignores you, watching you make a mess of yourself in front of him. the friction of your panties rubbing against his pants gets you feeling hot instantly. "ah- im s-so close," you mumble. your vision is kind of hazy but you can see yeonjun staring at you hungrily. "don't cum yet."
you smack his chest weakly and he chuckles lowly. "alright." he lifts you up and set you down on his desk. you watch him lower the leather pants and he sighs from relief. "the things i do for you," he smirks. he slides off your panties, licking his lips at how wet you are.
"can you hurry u-," he shuts you up by pushing his dick into you quickly. just by that alone you feel yourself about to cum. "faster," you moan. he complies, thrusting into you at a quicker speed than before.
the sound of skin slapping against skin rings throughout the his classroom and it makes your head spin. it's been a minute since yeonjun fucked you lik ethis but you're glad he's doing it now. you really did feel yeonjun deprived.
"do you feel me?" he teases, placing his cold hand on your lower stomach. you nod, frantically not really caring about whatever he was talking about. "jjun-"
"yeah," he breathes in reply. you let otu a silent scream as you reach your orgasm. the way you clench around his dick makes him moan loudly.
"fuck im gonna cum too," he moans. he pulls his dick out of you and pumps it quickly, making himself cum all over your thighs and lower stomach. after a moment of trying to come to your senses, you flinch as try to get up but he stops you. "leaving so soon," he grunts while pulling his pants back up.
"im just surprised mr. c hasnt shown up," you dont think much of it when you say it but yeonjun frowns. "i told him we were gonna be busy," he mumbles walking back to his chair. you can hear the shift in his voice, "whats wrong now."
"y/n dont test me, you're mine."
#yeonjun imagines#smut#yeonjun reactions#yeonjun drabbles#yeonjun drabble#yeonjun smut#txt imagines#Drabble#tomorrow x together imagines#txt headcannons#yeonjun headcannons#txt reactions#txt scenarios#yeonjun timestamps#yeonjun fic#yeonjun x reader
505 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛-ρ† 2
Pairings: enemy, student, barista!jaemin x student, barista!reader, (very small) taemin x reader
Suggestive, slight angst (you have to squint), fluff
<previous- next>
Warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming kinda, possessiveness, degradation, praise, thigh riding, choking a lot, pet names, jealousy
a/n : here we go again👨🦯
"Is it true? Her and jaemin?" Students whispered amongst themselves and thats all you heard today, wondering why they were even talking about you and him. It was strange really, jaemin was nicer and there were very little pranks and even then, they weren't as bad as what they used to be.
"Y/n! Oh my god I can't believe it!" Yeri jumped with a smile plastered on her face, "Are you and jaemin together?"
You twisted your face in confusion. Is that what people think? "What!? No! Where did you even get that from?" You questioned.
Yeri smirked and leaned closer, "I heard from jeno that you both fucked." She leaned back, "is that true?"
"I- well thats not entirely wrong but what does that have to do with him and I dating?"
"Jaemins been nicer with you and there's rarely ever pranks. I mean, anyone with a brain could tell that something is up." Yeri pointed out. She raised an eyebrow as you glanced around, making sure no one can hear you.
"Okay yes me and jaemin did have sex, but seriously we aren't dating. And I'm just as shocked as you about the way he's acting." You whisper-yelled at your friend. She mouth fell into an 'o' shape as she nodded, then attempted to walk away until you grabbed and brought her back, "wait im missing something." You squinted, "please dont tell me everyone in the school knows."
"Okay I wont." She shrugged and tried to walk away again but your hand gripped her arm tighter, "Ow, did you get stronger?"
"Yeri I'm serious! No one was supposed to know and now everyone knows!" You slowly let go of her and stared at the ground, "i swear Im gonna kill that boy!"
Yeri snickered and patted your shoulder, "Dont you mean fuck him?"
"YERI!!"
Order after order, customer after customer, you began to wear down after a hard days work. Irene stayed for a bit at yours and jaemins station to help since it was so busy. And it still wasn't fast enough for all the orders that just kept coming. It felt like you weren't going to finish and the shop closed at 8:30, it was currently 8:17.
"Ugh why is there so many orders at this time?" Irene groaned from exhaustion, jaemin snickered.
"Just be happy we get payed after this." He said and you all agreed.
Everything seemed to suddenly slow down at the cafe as it was beginning to close. Only a few orders were actually left and after that, you could close.
Irene and jaemin cleaned up the stations. Of course Irene left first afterwards, and you counted the money at the register. And since youve been working here for almost 2 years, counting money was just as easy as walking. But since its been super busy today, it took you a while to count some of the coins. Only once while you counted did you mess up, but you brushed it away and started again.
"Can you be any slower?" Jaemin commented, having just finished his part.
Putting the money away after counting, you put your hands on your hips like a mom scolding her child, "Whats the hurry all of a sudden?"
He only giggled and ruffled your already messy hair, "I wanna spend time with my baby."
You tried your hardest not to blush.
"No way." You swatted his hand off your head.
"And why not?" He quirked an eyebrow as you and him walked to an empty table in the cafe.
"Cuz you told jeno what we did last night and now the whole school knows. I'm kinda mad at you right now." Groaning, you hid your head in your arms trying to avoid his gaze.
You couldnt see him, but you heard the sigh and knew he was pouting at you, buy you didn't bother looking up.
"Why can't I brag about how good you were?" Jaemin questions, leaving you to groan louder.
"This isnt what I wanted..."
The boy shifted in his seat and pulled your head out your arms, his hands holding the side of your cheeks, "then what did you want?"
Your cheeks puffed as you tried to find the right words, "...to not have done what we did last night."
"So you regret it?"
You shrugged.
Jaemin leaned back and stared at you with a cold face. He has a hint as to why youre now suddenly saying this, not only because of him telling his friends, but also because of his past with you. If he wasnt pranking you, he was making fun of you, if it wasn't that, he'd make you flustered with his words or actions. Jaemin was annoying, yes, but your reactions were priceless to him. You got annoyed by jaemin and you hated him. He didnt blame you even after all this.
"I guess im not really mad at you telling him, just more confused on why you had sex with me." You started playing with a strand of fallen hair and waited for his answer.
"I did what I wanted to do from the beginning; fucking you dumb. If you think there's another reason, there isn't." Jaemin crossed his arms with a half smile.
You stopped playing with your hair and glared at him, "No no there has to be more! You're way to nice to me now for that to be it!"
"Do you think I like you?" He suddenly leaned forward. You didnt bother saying anything and sat back in the chair, "Why would I like you?"
Its been a week since your last interaction with jaemin. Literally. Theres been no pranking or anything. It was odd, but you couldn't stop thinking back to what he said when you both were alone in the cafe. Something about that kind of stung. You dont know why but, you thought maybe, just maybe, he'd actually like you. And maybe, jimin was right about about you liking him.
"Hey how was work?" Jimin asked getting up from the couch. You noticed taemin was here too and it wasn't surprising anymore as he's been coming over recently this past week.
"It was a bit busy actually." You smiled, nodding your head in taemins direction to acknowledge him and he smiled in return. Cute.
Jimin came back to his seat on the couch and handed you and taemin a clas of iced tea, "Jaemin didnt do anything again huh?"
You shook your head, "You don't understand how weird this is. Like he completely stopped interacting with me." You sighed taking a sip and seat next to taemin before ranting again, "Wait...oh my god! Did I get played? Was he really just trying to fuck me this whole time?"
"Fu- what?" Taemin zipped his head at you.
"Its a long story-"
"No its not," jimin cut you off, "basically hes kind of a bully to her and hes always doing pranks and saying some provocative things, but magically," he started flailing his hands, "jaemin started being nice, said he wanted to 'fuck her dumb' and then she was in his bed."
"....so you just...let your bully fuck you??" Taemin squinted his eyes at you and you nodded slowly. "Interesting. "
"I dont even know why. Like it just happened." You stuck out your bottom lip and laid you head on taemins shoulder, "I can't believe I did that..."
"It was bound to happen." Jimin sipped his tea.
You lifted your head slightly off of taemins shoulder and stuck your tongue out, "You know what fuck you!"
"You both are like kids." Taemin said, moving to get up.
"Hm?" Jimin looked up from his iced tea, completely obvious to what taemin said and taemin shook his head.
"I need to get back home. Jimin don't stay up too late." Jimin whined at his friend as taemin got up, "y/n, be good." You gave him a thumbs up and watched as the black haired man left.
"Jimin hes cute." You frowned.
Jimin rolled his eyes, "tell him that next time then."
You rolled over so now you were laying on jimins lap and he gave you a look of disgust, but you ignored it, "Mans is too cute for someone like me to say something."
"Dude he literally called you cute the first day he met you." Jimin said a matter of factly.
"How do you know he wasnt lying?"
Jimin scoffed, "Taemin lying? Thats like me and you dating. It just doesn't go together."
"I dont know if i should be offended or happy." You glared.
"The latter." He averted his eyes from yours and continued watching the show on t.v.
2 classes in and your were already tired. If you hadn't had stayed up so late with jimin, crying over some k-drama, maybe you wouldve gotten a good night sleep. But because of that you looked dead. You didn't even try to look your best this morning, only throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and brushing your hair back. You thought you looked okay to some extent at least. Maybe not your normal self but at least you were presentable.
There's was only so much you could handle in your class right now too. Trigonometry was definitely not your strong suit and you wondered how you even got in this class.
People were hunched over doing their work and you were struggling with question one. It was a bit embarrassing. You looked to your right for answers but they were just as lost as you, so your left was your next move.
"I dont appreciate you cheating off my paper y/n." Jaemin whispered, making sure the professor didn't hear him.
"Sorry I'm just confused.." you grumbled, placing your pencil down, jaemin gave you a look.
"Maybe if you used your head you'd get it."
"Im not dumb jaemin."
He exhaled and rubbed his face with his hands, "Come over later ill help you."
You looked at jaemins partially completed paper then back at your blank one. You needed this if you wanted to pass but you also didn't want to be with jaemin at the moment and you weren't too sure what tricks the boy had up his sleeve.
"I dont think-"
"It wasnt a question." Jaemin then went back to his work, ignoring whatever protest you had as you were about to open your mouth.
It was at this point you even planned on not going later. The only thing is he really didn't like being disobeyed and you found him a bit scary when mad. It wouldnt be right to miss out on him tutoring you anyway because jaemin was a smart guy. With his help you should be able to pass easily given a few months.
The professor ended class a few minutes early. Jaemin and you both headed to your next class when someone tapped on your shoulder, making you curiously turn around.
"TAEMIN!" you leaped up and hugged the guy around his neck as he giggled with full cheeks. "What are you doing here?"
"I changed colleges since it was closer to where I was living, but I didnt realize you were here too!" He beamed.
Jaemin stood watching you both converse and giggle over small things. He wanted so badly to drag you away from taemin but he knew you weren't going to like him very much after that. But something about the two of you laughing and subtly flirting didnt sit right with him and he didnt know why. It wasnt jealousy because why would he be jealous with you? He didn't care about you in that way. So why was this making him angry?
"Y/n lets go to class." Jaemin interrupted the two of you.
"You can go ill be in shortly." You brushed him off as if he was nothing and began talking with taemin again. Jaemin despised it but listened to you and walked away.
You were happy taemin came to this school because now it gave you a chance to get closer with him. It was definitely the small crush that grew over the week that made you feel like a 14 year old girl whenever he said something remotely sweet.
Taemin and you stood just outside of the classroom door and you gave him a quick hug and good bye before heading into the room with a big smile.
Jaemin stared at you as you walked up the steps to your seat that was a few feet away from him. The smile plastered on your face made jaemin see how much of an impact taemin really had on you.
Seulgi and sana kept glancing back at you, snickering here and there. Something your not fazed by it anymore. Probably them planning another prank or something. You also felt another set of eyes behind you and looked back to see jaemin glaring at the back of your head. Wondering why he was doing that, you crooked your head to the side then faced the front again after not receiving any response from him.
Ten minutes passed and the professor never came. Students were still all around the room talking to each other and the room was noisy. You decided to just ignore everyone and focus on any work you could, everything other than trig. You were saving that for jaemin.
"Hey nana," jaemin looked away from you and gazed up at seulgi who was now standing in front of him, "theres a party later at Wendy's and joys house. You coming?"
You put the pencil down and started biting your nails, wondering what he would actually say, not that he would ditch on you, but still.
"Im working later." He simply said, seulgi rolled her eyes playfully.
"Ill come pick you up after just bring clothes."
Jaemin raised a brow, "ill be too tired to go."
He was starting to get on seulgis nerves as she grit her teeth, "Then ill come over after school."
You scoffed and rolled your eyes wondering why she was trying so hard. Clearly the boy didn't want to go, or at least go with her. You didnt understand how she couldn't see that.
"Can't im helping someone with trig after."
She leaned over his desk, jaemin not really fazed by anything as she kept coming closer, "I have a feeling you're lying nana."
"Why would I lie?" He replied stoic. "Y/n is coming over for help."
Its the way that literally everyone in the room looked back at jaemin and you. Such a weird pair. Now they really would be questioning the two of you.
You anxiously looked back at him, seulgi was up in his face, nose flared, jaemin remained still and not intimidated by her or the class. But you were ready for someone to say something.
"Whats with you and y/n all of a sudden?" Seulgi asked. You could tell she didn't want you to go over his house, that was pretty obvious, but its not like she could stop you.
"Nothing, she just needs help in trig."
The class was still silent, even after a good 30 seconds. Now you just wanted the professor come in and talk about some WW2 stuff so people would ignore this. But your were pretty sure your professor just didn't want to teach and stayed home for the day.
"You dont need to help her." She faked a smile when she glanced back at you. "Shes a smart girl."
Jaemin was just about ready to get up and walk away, "I want to help her pass, now I do believe your seat is over there." he pointed over to the middle row of seats, just a few before yours. Seulgi actually took the hint and walked away. Her eyes were trained on yours and she looked as if ready to say something but decided against it.
God, now you just wanted to leave.
Jaemin placed a notebook and an open textbook on trig in front of you. His eyes watched as you hesitated to do your homework. You would get ready to write then lean back in confusion. For you, something was just not clicking with the whole trigonometry thing. You even started to wonder why you were taking it.
"Look this is what you have to do." Jaemin sat up and took the pencil out of your hand and went through the steps. Despite him being shockingly good at explaining and teaching, you found yourself lost at his words and just started staring at his side profile. Admittedly, you had to say he was pretty. And his lips as he was talking made you hypnotized. They looked soft and you wondered if you'll ever be able to feel them again.
"Repeat what I had just said."
You snapped out of your thoughts and hesitated, looking back at the paper then slowly began going over what you remembered until you started stumbling over your words and then stopped when he placed his hand on your thigh.
Jaemin exhaled loudly, sounding very disappointed in you and the only thing you could do was wait for whatever he had to say, "Why aren't you paying attention to nana?" His voice remained the same, but his nickname was a complete contrast.
"Im sorry I was distracted..."
"Distracted." Jaemin raised an eyebrow, "Theres nothing here to distract you."
Although you wanted to say he's been distracting you, you most certainly didn't and spared yourself the embarrassment.
"Y/n whats distracting you?" Jaemin set aside the pencil and gave you his full attention. Yet you remained silent and let him figure it out himself. But he knew, you were pretty easy to read. This is why he tapped your thigh, trying to get an answer out of you.
"You already know. Why do I have to say it?"
"I wanna hear it come out of your mouth." Jaemin shrugged.
"Jaemin..." you mumbled staring at your blank notebook, "Can we just move on?"
"Say it first." Consequently jaemin only made things worse by moving his hand up and down on your thigh in a taunting manner. One way or another he'll make you flustered.
"Youre clearly the distraction now can we please move on. We only have an hour and a half until work." You blushed.
A playful smirk found its way to his lips as he hummed in agreement. His hand still rested on your thigh and he once again tried explaining the problem in front of you. Granted, your phone went off in the middle of his second attempt of explaining.
"Taemin texted me hold on." You reached to grab your phone but jaemin was faster. He took your phone and threw it on the bed behind him.
"Pay attention." Jaemin had said. But you decided to be a bit stubborn and decided to get up and grab your phone, but jaemin had other plans. Hence why now you were stuck in a death grip on his lap with a hand to your neck. You couldn't see his face, but you knew it was cold. Jaemin didn't like to be disobeyed even for a second. "You only listen to me when I make a move, so do I have to keep you in this position for you to do your work?" You quickly shook your head and tried to wiggle out of his strong grip, but jaemin wouldn't let you go. Particularly because he figured you'd try and grab your phone again, which in that case, wasn't going to happen. If you so desperately wanted to pass, hes going to make you pass. Jaemin doesn't care even if he has to go as far as disciplining you either. As long as you pass, he'll be fine.
"You dont want to disappoint nana right?" You shook your head again. "You have a voice, use it."
"N-no.."
Jaemin hummed and let go of your neck, still keeping you on his lap. "Now be a good girl and listen. This is the last time I'll repeat myself."
So then you listened. Certainly because jaemin would not hesitate in making you regret any decisions you had.
After his third explanation, you understood the whole process a bit more and began doing your work. Jaemin was happy to see you do the problems, only pointing out a few mistakes, but praising you after for getting them right. You'd try your best not to smile or blush by putting your head down or looking away. Jaemin found it cute and couldn't help but smile himself.
"Lets get ready for work." Jaemin tapped your thigh for you to get up then he made his way to the closet to find clothes.
"Do you have a white t-shirt I can use?" You asked and jaemin threw you a shirt. Luckily for you the dress code was white on top, black on bottom so you didn't need to worry about the pants.
The both of you changed swiftly, not really caring about each others presence as you've already seen each other naked.
Without warning, jaemin dragged you out the his car, not bothering to give you a chance to say you wanted to drive yours. And you both were off.
It was a silent car ride besides the soft music playing on the radio. Jaemin kept you occupied with a hand resting on your thigh. He had a nice hand, you weren't gonna lie, but besides you gawking at his hand, it really did keep your mind focused. Not even the streets filled with so much activity could make you stop staring. It came to the point where you ended up grabbing his hand and played with his fingers.
"If you like my hands so much maybe I should use them on you again." Jaemin said, your breathing stopped for a second and you faced him.
"I just... find your hands nice thats all. Nothing sexual nana." You emphasized his nickname with a mocking tone. But in reality it was a very lowkey sexual desire to have him feel you up again, or even finger you. Whatever it was, you didn't want to admit it.
Parking the car, you and jaemin went inside the cafe to find it was again very busy. Irene was at the register helping a customer with their order and when she glanced up, you could've sworn she saw a ghost.
She finished the order and looked between you two, "Am I missing something?" She asked, pointing a finger at you guys as if accusing you, "you never come in together nor even walk inches next to each other."
"Y/n was at my house because I was tutoring her for school, so I drove her here too." Jaemin responded and you nodded in agreement. Still, irene found this crazy.
"Okay...just get to work then..." she squinted her eyes. Jaemin was the first to get to the stations, followed by you who made sure to look at the orders on screen.
After a while of making coffees, teas, and such you decided it was time for a break, so you asked irene if you can just take a seat for a bit to which she said yes.
Only a few tables remained empty, you took one near a window so you could see what was happening outside. Nothing different. Some teenagers fooling around on the sidewalk, couples passing by, and people rushing to get to their jobs. Meanwhile you never noticed someone sitting in front of you until they blew into your ear.
"Ahhh, what the fuck taemin!" Frowning at the sudden intusion, taemin laughed at your shocked face and sputtered many apologies. Many of which you knew he didnt mean.
"How long have you been sitting there?" You leaned over the table asking.
Taemin naturally leaned over too, getting closer to your face, "Just got here." He smiled, "I texted you that I was coming but you never replied."
You pouted in realization that that was when jaemin decided to discard your phone on his bed and not allow you to get it back. "Sorry I was being tutored for trig."
"Its fine." He pinched your cheeks, the smile never left his face once he finally saw a shade of red on your cheeks. Moreover, the two of you kept conversing for about 5 more minutes. Taemin talked about how jimin was bored all day from not seeing you at home so he went over to comfort him. You chuckled at the thought of jimin sadly laying against his friend and playing video games, trying not to feel bored. It made you happy that you had that kind of impact on him, knowing damn well no matter how much he said he said you weren't fun, that was a lie.
"I have to go. I'll make sure to come by later." With that taemin and you stood up and gave each other a hug. What surprised you was the lips on your cheek, giving you a bunch of butterflies in your stomach. "Bye y/n." Taemin winked and walked out the cafe.
Alarmed and flustered by what happened, you steadily walked back to the counter and just stopped there.
One might consider that to be a cute thing to see in a cute little cafe but jaemin thought otherwise and he was quite literally done with this.
"Come here." Jaemin made a finger motion to you and took you to the back of the cafe, away from the bustling people. "Whats with you and that taemin dude?"
"Why do you care?" You tilted your head up at him with a smirk. If you can manage to successfully push jaemins buttons and walk away with it, this would be the best day ever.
Jaemin took your chin in his index and thumb, bringing your face closer, "I asked you a question. I expect an answer."
"I dont have to answer if I dont want to." You tried swatting his hand away from your chin but he only moved down to your neck, causing you to gasp at the sudden squeeze. Basically, jaemin was choking you out of jealousy. "H-hes just m-my friend." You stuttered as you told the truth expecting jaemin to now let go, but he only softened his grip.
"I hate him."
"You dont know him." You mocked back and jaemin lazily rolled his eyes.
"I dont care if I dont know him I hate the fact that hes with you." Jaemin growled, letting your neck go.
You took the chance to let out a laugh at his frustrated face. This was entertaining to you and for once you had the upper hand, "so youre saying you're jealous?"
Roughly, jaemin slammed your back against the building with his face only mere centimeters from yours. You could smell the scent of mint in his breath too. "Maybe I am." Jaemin pushed a knee between your legs. "Shouldnt mess with my girl. And you shouldn't have let him kiss your cheek." Jaemins lips hovered over your lips. His hands harshly gripped your hips, moving you them over his thigh. Hearing the sound of you moaning out in shock, jaemin captured your lips in a kiss, a rough one at that.
His anger was through the roof and he showed that. "Youre mine and only mine. I'm the only one who can touch you like this, kiss you like this." Jaemin kissed down your jaw, still grinding your core on his thigh. You tried silencing your whimpers by biting your hand, but jaemin was quick to stick his fingers in your mouth, causing you to gag and choke.
Without a moments hesitation, jaemin pulled away from your neck to watch you suck around his fingers and he laughed through an angry aura, "If only taemin could see how much of a slut you are for me, maybe he would back off." You whined around his fingers and he pushed deeper down your throat. Your hips stuttered a bit, but kept moving forward, trying to get more friction.
"Such a stupid little girl for nana." Jaemin ruthlessly began fucking your throat with his fingers, "Are you gonna cum out here? What if somebody walks out and sees?" Your eyes rolled back and jaemin hummed still keeping the pace with his fingers and helping you move your hips. "Aww but I bet you wouldn't care. Since your so eager to cum and all." You gripped his wrist becoming more and more desperate to reach your high. Indeed you were so close that you started seeing stars, but jaemin pulled his thigh and fingers away.
"Were you about to cum?" He laughed in your face sadisticly. Your face heated up in embarrassment. "Stupid girl."
Cooing at your red face, jaemin brought you into another kiss, much softer than before but enough to know who's in charge.
"Lets get back to work, yeah?" Jaemin tapped your cheek with his two fingers and walked away leaving you hot and bothered.
Naturally you wouldve followed but you literally almost came in your pants just outside of your work. What were you thinking letting jaemin do that to you? And why did he have such an affect on you to the point that you forgot about what happened with taemin. You couldn't stand out here any longer and went inside. Jaemin was calm as if you didn't almost just get off on his thigh and sucked his fingers off. God this boy was doing something to you and you couldn't take it!
Working next to him seemed even more difficult. You were a hot mess, plus you were horny and honestly jaemins existence wasn't helping. And now, especially now, you realized that lasting until 8:30 was going to be a train wreck.
The school day was normal, yeri was hyper as always and cracking jokes making you spit out your banana milk. And her constant teasing about jaemin was nothing different. Of course you told her what happened the other day, she's your best friend, and she was blown away. Yeri wasn't expecting such news to be dropped on her like that and you couldnt blame her, only shrugging your shoulders and sipping your banana milk.
Stopping mid sip, you saw the boy you were subtly looking for; jaemin. Your reason? Well even you didn't know but your for sure were going to come up with something.
For the past few days jaemin never left your mind. Even when you saw him he always lingered. You could say you missed him. Besides that, taemin was never on your mind anymore. Just jaemin. It was like your mind needed him.
So you got up from your seat, yeri looked up confused and watched as your legs took you to your destination. Your heart was beating rapidly and you weren't even sure how this would go. Either you'll die from embarrassment or be the happiest girl alive. It was the anticipation.
You sucked in a deep breath once you got to him, jaemin peered up at you with curiosity, some other students even found your boldness interesting, until you spoke, "Wanna go out with me?"
#nct smut#nct#nct 127#nct dream#nct u#wayv#nct 2020#na jaemin smut#na jaemin#jaemin#jaemin nct dream#na jaemin nct#kpop smut#kpop
294 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dear Taylor ( @taylorswift )
I'm gunna be honest I just created tumblr so I can connect with you and fellow swifties lol
I know this is kind of tacky but just to get a like or reply would make me so happy! You know, just for you to know that I exist, and for you to know how much you've helped me in life.
See, Ive listened to you since I was 15 years old. I will be 30 years old, this year. You (besides eminem lol) were the only artisit that I've followed my whole life. Your music touch my heart and guided my soul. I dont know where I would be if it wasnt for your music. You helped me through so much, I could have given up so many times but you showed me how strong you were in the hardest times and that gave me strength. You showed me it's okay to be in love with the idea of love. That you can be a strong person but yet feel so much emotion.
I'm from a town in Corner Brook, Newfoundland, CANADA. I moved back here a few years ago from Toronto, Ontario cause I missed home. Newfoundland (and Labardor) is just a little island in the Atlantic. I moved to Ontario when I was 19 and was there for quite a few years. I'll never forget when I heard you where gunna be Toronto, for your RED stadium tour, so I busted my butt to save up for a ticket. See, I come from a home of welfare and I could never afford a CD let alone a ticket. Your CD's were always a gift from my Grandparents (dads parents) cause my mom didnt have any money and well I didnt know my father, as he took off when me and my twin was small. But as I got older I matured and understood why and how hard it was for my mom. She wasnt the best mother but she did what she could. Fast forward, back to when I turned 19, I decide to finally leave the small island and move to Toronto, I needed out of my small town. I wanted to see the big city and it explore it. I wasnt fully alone at first cause I had my boyfriend (at the time) from my hometown, who was also up there so I thought i would be fine!
I believe I was 20 or 21 when I heard you were coming to Toronto for your RED tour. So as i mentioned i busted my butt for a ticket, worked so many hours to save up enough money. Being in my early 20s and trying to work to pay rent was hard especially with the big bills poping up but I did manage to save enough. Nevertheless, your first concert sold out instantly and I was devastated but then something great happend, you opened a second show and I got a ticket to your 2nd show and it was section 110 of the Roger's center! I remember I was going through a horrible break up the person from my hometown who I kind of flew to Toronto for (who also lived in toronto) had dump me and I founded he cheated me a bunch of time... so now I felt really alone, all alone in this big city. I had no one. It was me and only me, no family.. no one. So when I got the ticket and was on the way to your concert via the train, i could remember just crying cause I couldnt believe I was gunna see you in concert finally! Little did I know how amazing of an experince it was gunna be....
So here I was enjoying the show so much, maybe had a drink or two lol Then a stage hand came to our section and said, for the next few songs, we are going to open the gate and you all can go up to the second stage. I couldnt believe it! I cried so much, so many happy tears lol When I tell you it happened so fast it really did.. the gates open up it was like a stampede haha we all booked it, it was too funny. I would have made to the first row near the stage but I lost my flat and had to run back and get it lol My friends back home told me i should of left it and i was like I know haha but either way i was the third row from the stage and it was so awesome. You were right there. I can remember all the people around me where screaming and crying. You were just finished i believe singing "22" and you started singing either "I Almost Do" or "Last Time" and here I was just a little blonde haired girl with your Tshirt over my white lace dress, holding my hand to my chest (my heart) looking at you.. you were so beautiful it was like a dream... you were right there. I never screamed or balled; I just sang along to the words and a few tears fell. That's when you looked at me or at least I thought you did, and you smiled. As I mentioned I wasnt screaming or crying.. I was just lost in the words of your song, singing along. My friends still laugh to this day and go yeah sure tiffany she was looking at you. I'm like I swear she was I swear lol of course I dont say you remember that as you have so many fans. I was just blessed to see you in concert. And athouglth I wish I could have, I never did get to meet you in person, and as positive of person I am, I dont think I will ever get too. As mentioned I live in Newfoundland and I dont say you'll ever come here. I work as a fulltime bartender and dont get much time off, also you know with the cost of living it just gets so high.. idk if I could get another ticket but if you ever returned to Canada I would try.
My life is very different from yours, and people are surprised I listen to tour music because of the lifestyle I live.. but people dont understand although we live different lives, we have matching hearts. Im a nomad and I live in my car in the spring, summer and fall. After the winter Im looking to go back to live in my car fulltime, once again to be one with nature. I do have a dream of living off the grid and I know I will get there one da! Nevertheless what makes me sad is the one of my other dreams is to meet you, and why it makes sad is because there hasn't been anyone who has helped support me in 15 years without knowing me like you do. and I dont believe I'll ever get to see you again. I hope one day you will read this and you'd just acknowledge this post and just you let me know you know that I'm out here and that I'm a true fan. My dreams of being one with nature and making life more simple is just around the corner and I cannot wait to be at peace in my off grid home, after everything I've been through. I hope you can make my other dream come true and just reach out to me. I may not be active on social media as I'm not really into it but please know I've supported you in many other ways! Please know, no matter what I always will buy your cds, share your music and defend you to any haters who may cross my path. I love you Taylor. I have great friends in my life; I wish I could I could add you to that list lol You are such a beautiful soul taylor and deserve nothing but the best in life.
Take care of yourself and NEVER stop being your beautiful self. The world needs more people like you.
Love, Tiffany
@taylornation will you please reach out to taylor for me xox
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series:
Outtake Collection #11:
———————————
A/N: welcome to the final post tonight!!!!!! Thanks for staying for this marathon everybody🥱🖤 I told y’all to get ready right? Lehgo:
TABLE OF CONTENTS
———————————
A 1-Year Anniversary For The Books 😳....🎡❄️🌃
over the next 6 months, you and Aone have had a remarkable relationship 💗
He’s beyond caring, attentive and sweet to you: even when you are moody on your period and dont want to talk to him he would drop off a basket at your house filled with a heating pad, your favourite treats, DVDs of your favourite movies and a note that explained how he felt about you
Your sex life was amazing, sex was insanely passionate and few and far between because you were both busy + Aone wanted you to know he wasn’t here for sex, though he loved it, of course
Takanobu listened to every story of yours, filled in at your cheer practices when you needed him, brought your team to competitions whenever some people didn’t have rides, and he attended the popular kids parties with you and let you do your own thing...
In addition, of course he was the best tutor you’ve ever had, letting you know before you started that you weren’t allowed to mess with his hormones to get out of it:
“Y/N. we have to study. No seduction tricks. They’re not fair.”
“Okay—!” You smiled.
“No cute-duction tricks either.”
You pouted.
“Want me to leave?” He asked, getting bold because he knew you were getting clingy, and even though he’d love to be balls deep between your heavenly legs, School came first. He needed you to graduate with him. It wasn’t an option.
“No no no baby please I’m sorry.” You pleaded.
He kissed your cheek. “Good.”
you attended baby’s intense volleyball games, so you saw his losses and it broke your heart
But you knew just how to comfort him: have him lay his head on you as you stroked his hair....give him lots of kisses and go to the pet store and spend hours the turtle section 💕
You got super close to his friends which was obviously incredible to Aone
And he’d been trying to get you to meet his family for a while, but you were too nervous
One day at the movies when Koganegawa was complaining yet again about how much his parents the other 2 members of the iron wall treated him like a baby, you interjected in the line for tickets. Aone had his arms around you from behind, making you feel safe
“Hey, wait a second. If Aone is ‘mom’ and Futakuchi is ‘dad,’ what does that make me???” You whined.
Kanji looked down at you like that was the most obvious question in the world. “You’re the hot side chick that Aone cheated on Futakuchi-senpai with.”
Your jaw dropped. “Excuse me—“
“Wrong.” Aone stated, glaring at Kanji. “Don’t ever associate cheating with me and Y/N. I would NEVER.”
Futakuchi rolled his eyes. “We know. Learn to take a joke,”
You turned around in Aone’s arms and got on your toes straining for a kiss. Aone smiled and leaned down to press his lips on yours. He tried to pull away but you held onto the collar of his hoodie and pulled him down again, prohibiting him from ending the kiss.
“Y/N, you better keep the same energy.” Futakuchi mumbled under his breath, walking forward as the line moved. “If my best friend ends up heartbroken I know someone else’s Cheer captain best friend who can end up being hurt just as bad in return🙃..........” he sung.
Without breaking your fantastic kiss, you stuck out your foot in the direction you knew Kenji was walking, making him trip.
“Ouch, fuck! Why do you invite her, Aone-san?!”
You smiled into the kiss.
Tbh: your relationship was..........perfect💘
........too perfect, you sometimes thought.
It kept you up at night sometimes .... the fact that you couldn’t really pin point anything wrong with him , even months later
How is it possible that while all your friends went through trials and tribulations.....ups and downs in their relationships and crushes ... and weird squares (*cough cough* Kenji, Katana, Koganegawa, Kusa 🤧 *cough cough*....but that’s for another outtake time) while you didn’t have to endure anything
Aone was protecting you from going through any pain . Proving to you his worth
Your boyfriend surprised you everyday making you happier than the last
Not to mention you have an adoptive son named Perdu that you adore 🐢💚
But you couldn’t shake the feeling deep within that told you that you didn’t deserve this
Yes, you have come to love Aone with all of your heart—he is literally an angel
But that conversation that Aone was so reluctant to have 6 months ago about how much he pined after you........it really affected you in various ways....
For one thing, why did someone so beautiful and pure and perfect have to fall for someone like you?
You had faults. You didn’t even notice him for years while he suffered in silence in the background, for God’s sake
It was as if, only after he defended you against the Class Snitch and did something for you, that’s when you noticed him—and then he just jumped at the opportunity
You could’ve played him, used him, and you’re pretty sure that he would let you. 😞
He was Not realizing how selfish the whole thing seemed
And then there’s the whole fact that Aone has liked you for 2 years..... and no one else? Even when you didn’t notice him?
Yeah, you couldn’t even lie about that one to yourself. He really only liked you and only had eyes for you. Even though you hadn’t even known he was even an option for you.
It broke your heart—
Yes, you loved him now.
But that conversation 6 months ago...... it made you understand how much of an amazing, absolutely unbelievable human being he is, even before you two started dating = you haven’t been able to shake this feeling of unfairness....
The feeling that you do not deserve him
Maybe you wanted him for the sex that felt so good it made you cry every time?
Or all the things he does for you because he was so whipped?
Meanwhile he endured relentless cockteasing from you because he tried not to give into his urge so you wouldn’t think he wanted you for that ...always putting you first..... what hormonal male DOES that?
He’s perfect
But Maybe that was the big pull...you know?
perhaps it was just a pull and this isn’t how it is supposed to be
Aone deserves someone as amazing and selfless as him, no?
What if he deserved better? As long as you were in the way he’d only accept you and shut out any girl who could be even better for him.
A girl that wouldn’t have ignored him for 2 years .
When you started expressing your concerns, Katana, your best friend knew this point would come.
“Do not self destruct, Y/N. Just because you get scared when y’all are getting serious. That man is crazy about you.” Katana pleaded with you at your locker one day as you shuffled through your messy locker.
“I’m not self destructing, and I know he is..... but maybe that’s the problem? I get a perfect boyfriend and what does Aone get? I just hope that this is, a fair transaction in the Universe.....”
“You love that man too. I know you do! Besides, everyone can see the way his entire demeanour has lit up and changed since you two got together. He’s like a new person and it’s almost been a whole year.... look at him.”
You found your pencil case and closed your locker, looking over in the direction Katana called your attention to. Aone was talking to Koganegawa and Kusa, laughing loudly...something no one had ever seen him do a year before now. Your heart sunk because you were the cause of that happiness. He was a new man, and he was so happy to be with you. It made your heart hurt.
Aone glanced over in your direction just then, making eye contact with you and instantly smiling brightly. He said some form of goodbye to his friends like he always did when he spotted you, dropping everything to greet you and hold your books.
What made you so special... to deserve such a man?
If you asked Aone, he’d have a list of ways he could answer that question, but, for you, you forced yourself to believe he was just taken away with your looks....and that he just convinced himself he liked you deeper because of how pretty you were. He loves sex but tries not to have it, maybe it’s because you’d catch on to him being like every other guy that just wants you and the rest of the cheerleaders for your bodies? I mean, even his best friend Futakuchi is like that!
No, he was a terrible liar.
Aone is gorgeous, tall, muscular, handsome....... girl after girl check him out and want him. Maybe one of them deserved him more than you do....
Thoughts like that whirled through your mind all the time from summer to winter...
Tonight, on the night of your 1 year anniversary, it was no different. Aone had made it clear for months to his team that he wouldn’t be attending practice on this date
🥺
Instead, he treated you to a luxurious dinner on a yacht and then you both went one of the highest Ferris wheels in the world that gave a great view of the city night lights of Japan:
It was so romantic, and Aone was just the happiest man on earth holding you closer as you leaned into his side because you loved Ferris wheels but you were chilly in this temperature.
Your boyfriend pulled your hat down for you so it was covering your ears
He took your hands in his and blew hot air on them to keep you warm, spreading the heated blanket he’d bought so it covered more of you than him.
“Still cold? Want my jacket?”
“I’m good.” You grinned.
His heart warmed.
“Y/N.”
You looked up at your boyfriend, hearing the sudden change to seriousness in his tone. Aone sported that blush that he had the first time you’d kissed him on the cheek. He was still nervous around you even after an entire year and it had to do with his strong feelings of love toward you. He was sure they’d never go away.
Takanobu dug into his pocket and pulled out two small individually wrapped boxes. One square and one rectangular. The silver boxes were wrapped in little yellow bows, yellow-your favourite colour.
“More gifts, Aone?” You asked softly, you couldn’t help but frown. He was always spoiling you beyond belief. “You promised the dinner was your only gift,”
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Happy 1-year anniversary. You make me so happy and I really hope you’ll be so kind as to bless me with more years.”
You took off your mittens and took the boxes from him, your stomach in knots the entire time.
You felt so different. Your heart hurt.
You placed the boxes in your lap and Aone tried not to smile. You delicately untied both bows, removing the lids before gasping.
“Aone..........” you said quietly. “Oh, Aone, they are beautiful.”
Mountain man smiled. “You don’t have to wear them.....I just really wanted to gift them to you because—“
You interrupted him. “You don’t think I’d wear them?” You asked, hurt. Hurt for him because you could tell that he still felt that you were too good to be true.
“Well the promise ring m-might be too flashy, or the turtle might be seen as a little juvenile by your teammates, so—“
That did it.
Your heart broke.
It couldn’t be any more clear now.
You didn’t deserve this man.
“Aone.” Your voice cracked as you spoke. You willed yourself not to cry.
But this time it wasn’t tears of joy that almost fell the day he confessed, these were the truest of all types tears..... tears of sorrow.
Aone leaned down and brushed your hair out of your face so he could see your face. “Y/N? What’s wrong? I-I can always return them if you don’t like them.... it-it’s not a problem in the slightest—“
“—We need to break up, Aone.”
Freezing, Takanobu thought he hadn’t heard that.
He paused for a good ten seconds.
“W-what?” He asked, his voice cracking.
You refused to look at him.
“I’m sorry.” Is all you could say without bursting into tears. “I can explain more on a later date, but I’ve thought about it for a while, and that’s my decision.”
Aone’s heart shattered, instantly feeling like the world had been turned upside down on him. I mean sure, Aone thought maybe one day you’d realize you deserved better—but that’s why he spent every day devoting his time to treating you well so maybe you’d choose him.
He guessed he hadn’t been trying hard enough.
“I-is it something I did?” He took a deep breath. “Something I can change? Please,”
You shook your head, feeling the cold breeze of this winter night in your core. “Nothing you did. You’re amazing, Aone-san.“
“The-Then can you please reconsider—“
“No,” you choked. “Can we get off now? Please?”
Always listening to you, Aone shakingly pressed the button that let the Ferris Wheel operator know you wanted one final spin.
Which meant Aone had about 1 minute to change your mind while his whole world fell apart. He felt dizzy. He didn’t even know how he was still functioning, running on pure adrenaline, no doubt. He felt like this was another dream—no, a nightmare.
“If-if it’s something I did, Y/N, I sincerely apologize—“ He felt stupid to think you were actually enjoying yourself in a relationship with him.
You looked out into the skyline, directing your attention to the Japan night lights. The cold air quickly dried the single tear that escaped your eye.
“It’s nothing you did............” yet. Not until you realize you deserve so much better, You wanted to say.
“Then can I have one more chance? Please?”
Your boyfriend....no, ex-boyfriend threw everything he’s every heard from Futakuchi about being cool around his crush and begged for you. You were basically his world, the reason he’s truly lived a life of happiness and not just remained quiet and stoic like he used to be before you entered his life.
Aone stayed silent for a second and raked his brain for things he might have done to upset you. He couldn’t find one, but you wouldn’t do this for no reason, so he hated himself for not figuring it out.
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
All too soon, the ride came to an end and you handed the gifts back to him before quickly scrambling out of the Ferris wheel.
Aone took a second to stare at the necklace and ring before stumbling out after you, feeling like there was an extra thousand pounds on his chest as you walked away from him in the dark night. You two were in the empty parking lot of the Ferris wheel.
“Y/N..... at least let me drive you home!” He yelled, dropping the heated blanket and gifts on the snow. He was in so much pain he couldn’t hold onto anything.
“I texted Kusa. She’s coming.” You called back, not daring to turn around because if you did you would just jump into his arms.
Aone couldn’t stop the tears that welled up behind his eyes. He’d never felt this level of pain before. He would choose to endure going through the pain of losing his last volleyball game in 3rd year everyday if it meant he didn’t have to feel what he was feeling now.
Before he started crying—something he hasn’t done since he was maybe 7 years old—Aone ran over to you, stepping in front of you to beg one last time.
“Y/N. Can I at least still be in your life? As fr-friends, even?” He asked heartbrokenly, unable to cope with not being anything to you anymore and going back to loving you from afar. He wouldn’t be able to handle that.
You walked around him, wiping your face of cold tears that luckily blended in with the pelting downfall of snow. “Okay.” You had to say, unable to refuse such a broken man. “Friends.”
The word friend stopped Aone where he stood. It was the last word he heard you say before he confessed to you at the bowling alley exactly a year ago, and now it was the last word he heard you say after you crushed his heart in front of a Ferris Wheel...
You kept walking further and further away from this mountain man that was so internally destroyed, he couldn’t take another step.
❄️ ❄️
It was 40 minutes later when Kenji had reached the empty Ferris Wheel lot. He saw a mountainous figure drenched in snow, its head slung down and shoulders dropped as if he was at a funeral. Kenji ran over and threw a blanket over his best friend’s shoulders, basically pushing him toward his car because he could barely move himself. On the drive, Kenji turned all of the hot air vents toward Aone so that the heat was blasting on him. The shell of a man just stared out the window like he had no purpose. Futakuchi couldn’t help but go in best-friend-protective-mode, tossing questions at him:
“I had to GPS your location after Kusa texted me! What happened?! Did Y/N break up with you, on your anniversary?! Really?! Ughhhh I knew this would happen. Aone, I’m here for you, big guy. Okay? It was me, you and the team before her, and it will be us after her, even though our season is over. I’m here. Okay? Can you please talk to me so that I know you’re okay?”
Aone didn’t answer his best friend that night, and Kenji knew it would be that way. As we all know, he is great at predicting things.
But what Kenji didn’t predict, however, was that it would be two and a half weeks until Aone would speak to anyone.... again.
❄️
❄️
❄️
❄️
❄️
———————————
A/N: I cried several times. Would love to hear y’alls thoughts
Taglist: @crushzone @galagcica @chaichai-the-weeb @nairobiisqueen @bisasterrr @juminly
Outtake #12: CLICK HERE
#aone takanobu x you#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu smut#haikyuu stories#aone takanobu#kenji futakuchi#koganegawa kanji#hq headcanon#hq headcannons#haikyuu headcannons#haikyuu headcanons#aone x reader#aone x y/n#haikyuu boys#haikyuu!!#haikyuuwritersnet#haikyuu angst#hq series
269 notes
·
View notes
Text
Come home to me...Darling
Jimin x Female Reader (+ Jungkook & Mystery Member)
Ao3 Link
Part 2 of 2 (Part 1)
Genre: Cheating!AU, angst, smut (masturbation and fingering, both female), fluff
Warnings: Masturbation, Fingering, Infidelity, Cursing, Sad, Low self esteem, Mentions of a panic attack, Jimin’s a jerk :(
Word Count: 29,555
Summary: Jimin cheats and you try to make him stay. But whatever you do, it’s never enough.
Tag: @some-random-stranger-007
A/N: it is finally out now I can go yeet myself into the lake of fire never to return. Can you believe i almost lost this? ahahahaha the level of clownery. Anyway I hate it, so let me know what you think of it. Thank you to @meuurtrierr it wouldn’t be possible without her. Edited but I know I missed some shit, also I skimped on the warnings cuz i dont remember what else skskssk do let me know babes mwah Enjoy!
Mondays are the worst.
It’s not enough that you needed to skim through the employee evaluation files in the next 2 hours, but a grueling headache had somehow found a way to attach itself into your brain. Even blinking was painful. You weren’t able to do anything but stare at your desk with little to no energy present in your build. There was a dull lull in the room, and you felt suffocated in your stuffy office. When one of the open file’s papers flutters in front of you is when you manage to snap out of dreamland. Peeking at the desk right outside your office, you let out a sigh of relief at finding the space empty. Finally, you could get up and do something about this headache as well as pour some caffeine into your body.
Usually Yura would gleefully grab it for you, but you felt awkward around her since that day and hadn’t asked anything of her since. It was a bit silly, you don’t know why you were avoiding her exactly. Most likely it was due to not trying out her therapist suggestion yet. But it wasn’t like she was forcing you and it also wasn’t that you didn’t want to go…you were just unsure. You were scared. An unfamiliar person, poking and prodding at you – at your life. Finding and pulling out all the faults in you like weed. Judging you. Your habit of overthinking had already made you fit irrational scenarios inside your head of your ‘sessions’ and how awful they would end up being.
This irrationality also embarrassed you and led you into avoiding Yura.
In a nimble pace, you quickly make your way into the center office filled with cubicles. From there you speedily step your way into the breakroom. Thankfully, it was also empty. It wasn’t like coming here wasn’t unusual for you – you had been in here before you were promoted, albeit just a bit. You weren’t the most extroverted person, and people seemed to always be creating some forms of conversation in here. Which scared you into staying in your cubicle until certain timestamps where you found it vacant. Sighing, you walk to the coffee maker in the corner of the room to find it barren, and you heave a groan as you gather your ingredients for coffee. You didn’t want to stay here in case of running into someone, but life was making everything harder for you as usual. Watching as the coffee hits the pot in the coffee maker, you think back to last night.
Jimin never made it back home throughout that whole day. That had become a usual occurrence, but it really hit you hard this time because you were aching to sort things out after the clash you both faced. There was a restless ache in your stomach, which you’re sure was the cause in you turning sick today. Last night you had caught the exact moment Jimin figured out that you knew about him and her, his aura completely morphing into something between docile and tense. After he left, you couldn’t sleep for hours, tossing and turning and just waiting for him to come home. The scene kept replaying in your mind and you kept analyzing certain aspects, wishing you had said something better or acted in a compromising manner rather than driving him away. But then he never showed up and you were too afraid to call him back to you. If you went to voicemail yet again, you felt you would go insane.
Though you pondered where he was with exhausted efforts, a dreadful thought told you that you already knew, you just didn’t want to accept it. You hoped it wasn’t true. That he wouldn’t be with Tina – not after last night. Maybe…he was crashing at Jin’s place? …Wait, why didn’t you think of him sooner? Jin, his best friend since he moved to the city, would know where he is! Friends are considered confidantes, aren’t they? It wouldn’t hurt to inquire s few things from Jin, he was always a sweet man. But you didn’t want to force Jimin back to you or anything of the sort, you just wanted to know if he was ok. Hopefully he’ll realize how much you need him, hopefully he’ll come back home to you on his own accord. You were going to give him some time to think, then he’ll surely be back by that day, right?
Hopefully.
As you pour the coffee into your mug, the door creeks open and a citrusy cologne fills the air which pulls you out of your thoughts as you stiffen. Great. Carefully, you turn to see the culprit to be a tall man yawning loudly and stretching his arms while walking towards you. It alarms you that he’s moving straight at you without even realizing, but you don’t make an effort to move. Which ends up with him crashing into you slightly-
“Oh, whoa,” He says as his eyes fly open and he holds onto the small of your back with his warm hand, “Sorry about that, didn’t notice anyone was here!”
No kidding.
Now that he wasn’t scrunching up his expression, you could properly take in his appearance. He had such a soft and youthful face, big doe eyes that seemed to be lit with stars. Everything about him was so round, his nose, his cheeks, his small mouth. Jet black hair covered his forehead and compared to his boyish features, the muscles protruding from his white button up were anything but soft. You felt bad for his shirt, which was straining to hold itself together. There was a small scar on his left cheek, yet another mark amplifying his young features. He seemed to be observing you as well, his eyes a tad bit larger and his hand still on your back.
You clear your throat and straighten your back, looking away from him to the floor.
Breaking out of his daze he retracts his hand immediately, “Oh, sorry!”
That’s when he notices the mug in your hand, then turning to the coffee maker he beams,
“Hey, did you make a fresh brew? That’s awesome, Thanks!”
“It’s no problem.” You say in a small voice
At the moment you desired no conversation with anyone. It felt as if once the tiniest amount of sympathy is thrown in your direction, you become a puddle of pudding into the persons hand. Instead, what you really wanted to do was to stop feeling so weak. Stop relying on them to hold you together, because people leave. Jimin left. Left you to melt into the ground without looking back.
Right now, you just wanted to be left alone.
But the boy in front of you did not seem to be good at detecting facial cues.
“Umm…do you work here?” He asks you, and you give him a confused look, “I-I mean, I’ve never seen you around…but it must be because I just started here last week, I’m a new recruit.”
Yura mentioned something about that, but you never actually got a chance to look through the profiles since the Jimin fiasco.
“Is that it?” He asks again, “Are you a new recruit as well?”
“Um...” You wondered how to properly tell the boy that you were his boss. The reason he hasn’t seen you before is because you rarely come out of your office. Unless there’s a big meeting.
“Then you must’ve started today, huh?” He says, a smile on his face displaying his teeth…his bunny teeth. Adorable. “We’re in the same boat then! If you ever need anything, just let me know!”
The expression on him was so pleased, you didn’t have the heart to decline. Didn’t have the heart to walk away or disregard him. So, you just stood there as he introduced himself.
“My name’s Jungkook by the way.”
“_-___.” You respond shyly
“___,” He repeats to himself, scratching the back of his head, “That’s a beautiful name.” He gives you a look that has you blushing as you mumble out a ‘thank you.’
It was so natural then.
You don’t know how it happened, but you were suddenly thrown into a conversation with your company’s most enthusiastic employee, Jeon Jungkook. At first, you were worried a bit by how young he looks, yet it turned out he was only two years younger than you – and he refused to believe you were older, the brat. He stood there explaining how things work around the office, telling you tall tales about some of the ‘haunted’ conference rooms and scary coworkers to which you were enthralled by, despite being here way longer than him. You found yourself giggling every time he exaggerated a story with his words or eyes.
“So ___, how do you like it here so far?”
“It’s nice,” You respond vaguely, taking another sip of your coffee, “How about you?”
“They really work you to the bone! But I like it, they’re fair with the salary and the donuts here are always so good.” Jungkook beams widely while reaching over to grab one of the chocolate glazed donuts off from the small white box next to the coffee maker.
“Heard the CEO’s batshit though” He says with a mouthful
At that you let out a snort – almost spilling some of your coffee from your mouth, which leads you into covering it with your hand and coughing. It was true, she was a little strange.
“Oops.” Jungkook responds with a mischievous glint in his eye. In return you squint your eyes at him in mock anger as you let out your last cough. He reaches over again and grabs another donut from the box. You wish he would stop doing that, his arm radiated a lot of heat and you were going crazy trying to ignore his scent. Pulling out a second donut, this one with pink frosting and dark red glaze decorated in a zig-zag pattern, he hands it out to you.
“Here,” He says with his bunny teeth displayed.
You give it a long stare before taking it, “Thank you.”
“It’s a peace offering.”
“I see.” You eye the sugary dough and the colorful star sprinkles sticking into the frosting, “Interesting choice.”
“It’s cause that one was pretty.” He pouts
“You gave me a donut because you found it pretty?” You raise an eyebrow at him
Scoffing at your tone, he leans into the countertop and fold his arms, displaying his biceps up in your face. Damn those arms. “And what about it.”
“Nothing,” you giggle, “Just that normal people would give pretty flowers or pretty letters and not…fried dough.”
Jungkook turns silent at that, turning his face toward the ceiling as if in thought. He was making an odd expression, one with his eyebrows drawn in and lips pulled straight, you wondered if this was normally how his face was while thinking. It was kind of funny. But also, very cute.
“You’re right.” He suddenly says
“Hmm?”
“I should get you flowers.”
“…And where would you find flowers in an industrial urban structure?”
To this he removes himself off the counter and turns to you, his height and muscles intimidated you a bit. He was definitely taller than Jimin. “Is that a challenge?”
“Maybe it is.” You say in a low voice, maintaining direct eye contact
“Alright then ___, we may be new here (you internally cringe as he says this) but I bet you I can find you some pretty flowers lurking about in this stale glass cube of a building.”
You laugh at how serious he got – the fiery glint in his eyes, and raise out a hand, “And I bet you won’t!”
Being here three years had taught you quite a lot about this location. The lower floors contained a computer enterprise, and the upper floors remained a basic accounting firm. Grass surrounding the building was patchy and dry thanks to the summer heat. Also, your CEO had a strict pollen allergy, so keeping things like vases to fill with freshly cut daisies in or around the residence was impossible. There was no way he would was going to find any flowers here. It was a bit sad how much you knew about this place, being the only other dwelling you hung out in other than your home. But on the bright side, you were totally gonna win this bet.
“What do I get if I win?” You question as he shakes your hand. Heat immediately shoots down your spine at his touch and you block yourself from shivering by clenching your teeth…he had a very firm grip.
“I’ll be your servant for a week.” He pipes making you raise your brows as you shape your mouth into an ‘o.’ “And what If I win?”
“Hmm…” You hadn’t thought of that because you didn’t think there was any way he could.
“How about if I win, I get your number?”
…
Huh?
Tilting your head, you scrunch your brows. “…Why would you want my number?”
That confused you.
He gave you a wide eye stare. Did you really just say that? Perhaps you were playing hard to get? Yes…that must be it. No need to feel embarrassed. She didn’t reject you he thinks abashed. While you on the other hand were clueless to his fretful appearance.
“…Um.” Jungkook clears his throat looking down at his shoes. Wait…were Timblands allowed in the uniform? “Just cause.” He mumbles
You dwell on it for a second. You’ve never gave your number to a guy before. It can’t hurt, right? Besides he wasn’t going to win anyway.
“Well, alright.”
He grins at your approval, and you giggle in return. Was he the cutest man, or what?
“You know…you’re very pretty when you laugh.” He says abruptly and that makes you completely drop your mouth. His face flushes and that’s when you notice he still had your hand in his. The sudden awareness makes you pull it back at lightning speed. You try to speak again, but somehow the sound was knocked out of you and the room feels very, very, very, very warm for some reason.
“I- I should prob-” You point over your shoulder, slowly backing away from the doe-eyed man. “I have work.”
“A-alright…” He scratches the back of his head again. A habit you suppose. “See you around.”
“Yes.” Was the last thing you said before practically sprinting out of the breakroom.
You don’t know how long you spent chatting with Jungkook, but you came back to your office on sore legs. Sitting down on the revolving chair, you spin around a bit feeling bizarrely giddy inside, headache completely forgotten and newly revitalized. As you remember his red cheeks you pull up your arms in front of you. Chills…you had chills. What. Was. That.
Even though your legs hurt from standing, you don’t regret it one bit.
That was…strange. Never had you been one for conversations, especially not with the other sex. Your husband didn’t seem to like it when you were chatting with another man, so you never tried to. Yet Jungkook…why did you enjoy being around him so much?
It felt like you were back in high school, talking with the class president you had a huge crush on. Or like the guy from 5th grade who gave you a band aid. And even when you first met Jimin. You’re not sure, but you do know this is the first time in years where you became so smitten with someone so quickly. Jungkook was like a breath of fresh air, you really liked him.
Wait, what?
As soon as you process the weight of your thoughts, you immediately sit up in your chair. No, you couldn’t just have thought of such, right?
You…you were a married woman! Holding up your hand, you stare at your wedding ring while guilt crawls up your spine. This wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be doing this your conscious spoke. Not when your married life was in shambles. Is this who you were? Though, when you really think about it, it wasn’t like you did anything, you were just talking. So why did you feel so bad? Bringing your hand to your chest, you hold onto your ring finger with your other hand and close your eyes. Jimin appears before you, a light smile on his handsome face.
Your heart clenches.
“-ght.”
Just then, you register someone’s voice outside your office, breaking you from your daze. You stiffen, recognizing the soft laughter of your beloved secretary. She must have returned from her lunch break.
These days you had begun to pay Yura special attention.
It was due to her confession, knowing that she dealt with so much but still managed to be happy – genuinely happy – made you feel…curious. You wanted to understand how she did it, how she managed to deal with life in a better way. And then maybe, just maybe, you could do it too.
Yes, that should be a rational clarification of why you were creeping up to the entrance like a stalker. Calmly stepping up to the see-through door, you hide behind the solid wall to the right of it, peeping your head out to spot Yura. You honestly don’t know what you were wanting to accomplish, but you had been getting yourself involved in a lot of strange situations recently, so it was better not to question it.
She had her back facing you, thankfully, or this would have been even more embarrassing. You stretch your neck out as much as you could, feet planted firmly on the hidden side of the wall. Watching as she stood beyond her desk casually, her phone to her ear while she conversed gently with someone on the other line.
“I’ll pick up some Chinese tonight- no not that one I hate it!” She laughed. “Seriously babe we’ve had that four nights in a row now…okay, okay we had tempura for a whole month because of me I know that!”
It was easy to tell she was talking to her boyfriend. It was just general, everyday stuff but you couldn’t help but feel envious. Yura sounded so content, her boyfriend sounded like he loved her. That was all you’ve ever wanted. How come you’ve never had that?
A grimace falls upon your face. Just what were you doing trying to spy on your secretary? When did you become so pathetic? There was no secret, and if there was, she has told you of it already. The truth was, you were stubborn, unwilling to change from the old ways as if your conservatism has ever been of any help to you. With a silent sigh, you were about to walk back to your desk when you heard him tell her ‘I love you.’
In return she giggled, “I know~ See you tonight!”
You stood there stagnant for a bit. After a moment, you smiled, although there was no sign of joy on your face. Really…you were really pathetic.
Once you were at your desk, you eye your bag on the side of your chair’s leg before you pick it up, digging through it until you find what you were searching for. The piece of paper with the number was still in the same state as when she first gave it to you. Albeit crumpled. wouldn’t it have been hard for her to gather up the courage to say something you, her boss, could wrongly take offense over? Which you almost did. You respect her courage, her dedication and determination. When she first joined, you thought she was like you.
You were wrong.
She was stronger than you had ever been.
And instead of dwelling in that bitter pool of jealously you’ve drowned in with so many other women, you respected her. You wanted to learn from her and Irene and any woman in your life that had fought their battles with determination. It was like you said before, you had been getting yourself into strange circumstances lately, so why not this too? Who was here to stop you? Who was here to feel pity for you?
All you wanted was to be happy once again. Just once more.
You owed it to yourself
Tick…tock…tick…tock…
You sat at the edge of your red seat with your palms holding onto your knees. Uneasiness found a way to penetrate your bones and you sensed a thin layer of perspiration on your hairline as you watch the clock ticking down until your dreaded deadline.
There was a lady situated underneath the clock, an elder woman by maybe a decade. She had soft wrinkles around her eyes and forehead, a bun high on top her head and bright red lipstick on her thin lips. Clacking away at her key board, she would occasionally furrow her brows in concentration at something she was looking at on her computer screen or smile at you if you made eye contact. Didn’t do much to ease your nerves but it still felt nice. The lady reminded you of yourself, and you speculate if this is how people saw you when you were at work.
It had been a couple of days until you managed to call an appointment for a therapy session. The isolation ate away at you after Jimin had been missing for the third day. You desperately wanted to talk to someone about your problems, but Irene was out of town, your husband absent, and you were too shy to seek out Yoongi. Instead of pushing your complications onto others, you thought it was finally time to call in some professional effort. The lady on the phone had been really nice and you were able to set an appointment up fairly quickly. Now you were just sitting here, in the monotone lounge area waiting for the therapist to arrive.
There was quite a bit of research you did beforehand. Turns out, different therapists professionalize different problems. Cognitive therapist help deal with bad thoughts and unclutter daily habits. Family-oriented systems therapist dealt with family related issues. Personal issues are dealt by people who are experts in narrative, behavioral, or solution-oriented therapies. And psychodynamic therapists, like the one you were visiting, dealt with unconscious motivation.
Actually, many therapists deal with many different fields at once, some work in relationship therapy both romantic and platonic while others work only on you – if you choose to keep the people in your life out of your segments. Because of that, it was up to the person seeking out therapy to decide what’s right for them. For instance, if you are someone who always felt closer and comfortable with your dad, then maybe it’s best that you seek out a male therapist. You also had to be meticulous about their personalities.
During your search, you found a person who said their therapist always read their email during sessions on a blog forum. One even said their therapist ate rounds of cheese during theirs! It was extremely uncomfortable to read that. But now you knew there were many things to make sure of, therefore being prepared. Gender, expertise, field of education, professionalism, reviews, trust and even the vibe you get from certain therapists are all important factors in choosing a therapist.
Researching yours, you found her specialty was in female psychology. Including relationships and intimacy. All reviews on her were positive and you were so glad to read through them. After rounds of self-motivation and days of procrastination, here you were.
It’s quite humorous actually, a month ago you never thought you’d be doing anything like this.
You just weren’t ever capable, especially not with your level of anxiety. What could it be about the past few weeks that you’ve grown so courageous? Was it the meeting with the stranger on the roof, the discovery of a friend, or empathizing with someone you worked with? But what if it wasn’t a person? Perhaps it was the city’s rapid heart at 3 AM, the wild club and heavy beats or the mundane office life encouraging you to take a step forward. Maybe it the tragedy behind that rainy day you hate to recall and hitting rock bottom with such force. Opening the pandora box? As you struggle to find answers within yourself, you realize Jimin wasn’t the only one confused with your behavior.
You don’t get to dwell on the past for too long as a door clicks open and lets a slight breeze pull you from your thoughts. A slender young lady holding a clipboard appears; short brown hair, black kitten heels and thin rimmed glasses sitting on her nose. She looks in your direction and smiles, gesturing for you to come her way.
You get up nervously, wiping your sweaty palms on your pencil skirt. Straightening yourself out, you make your way towards her.
“Hi, you must be ___, correct? I’m Dr. Lin.” She raises her hand and you immediately grab it. Her voice was gentle and steady, you felt actually welcomed.
“Yes, nice to meet you, Doctor.”
“You too.” She smiles, “And please, call me Lin. This way please.”
She leads you in with her arm on your back, making you effortlessly walk into the sanctuary of her office.
Once you were inside the room, you gape at her place in awe. It was wide open, there was no way you’d feel suffocated in here as you originally thought. There were large windows, displaying the greenery located at the back of the building. She had two huge shelves filled with colorful books on both ends of her office. In front of the windows rested a large shaggy carpet with a glass coffee table on top. Behind the table were two grey sofa chairs that complimented the fuzzy blue carpeting. And a small desk on the right side next to an office chair where she probably did most of her work. As you hear the door shut behind you, you turn around to catch her eye and she smiles at you.
“Right this way.” She says, walking past you which leads you into following her. When she reaches a chair, she pauses, waiting for you to take a seat first.
So, you do.
“Well.” She starts, grabbing the pen off her clipboard, “How are you today ___?”
“I-I’m alright.”
Lin raises the corner of her lips “Just alright?”
“Yes…I.” You don’t know what to say. Were you already doing something wrong?
“That’s good,” Lin smiles as she clicks her pen open and jots something down onto her clipboard. “That’s a beautiful ring by the way.”
“O-oh thank you.” You cover your finger with your hand as Lin slightly squints at your action, still writing something.
“So,” She takes a deep breath and put down her pen, “What brings you here today?” Looking back up at you, she beams.
“Um…I needed someone to talk to…”
“Do you not have someone in your life to talk to? Or is it that you don’t feel comfortable confiding in them?”
“Kind of both…I…don’t want to trouble anyone.”
“I see.” She writes something else down
“Now tell me ___...why’re you really here?”
Out of nervousness, you kept messing with your ring and you knew she could tell. So, to distract your hands you needed something else to clutch onto. There was a tall glass of water on the coffee table in front of you. Your doctor notices your staring right away to which she points, “Please, go ahead.”
At her approval you pick up the glass and bring it your lips. After drinking just a bit, you decide to hold it down on your lap. For a second, you just stare as the water softly vibrates inside the clear glass while Lin waits for you to speak up. Is there a right way to tell her? You struggle internally at voicing your problems.
“I-I’ve been married six years…and it’s…I’ve had a hard time.”
“Six years is quite long…most married couples have problems by then.” Lin says, “It’s normal. Going through difficulties ranging from various reasons either with money or fidelity – having ups and downs.”
You take a deep breath trying to keep your heartbeat steady. “I barely remember having an up…”
She stares at you, and you don’t look at her. Instead you stare at the small burgundy table on the side of your sofa. It separated your chair with hers.
“…Can you tell me a bit about your husband, ___? Why don’t start by telling me the last up you do remember?”
At that, you finally look up at her. Was there an up you remember? For a large portion of your life, you had thought that every single moment with Jimin was an up. But when it came down to it, that wasn’t the truth. Jimin spent tremendous amounts of time breaking his promises to you. You actually remember the last promise he kept…how innocent the display of your relationship was back then…
The morning was pure white.
Or at least it felt like so in your cramped dorm room where you spent another day lying next to the only other body you desired. The craving was an ache on par with stories that are never finished or poems with no end. You wonder if this is how it would always be; you longing for him while being so close, as well as lingering on the edges of how long this would last, when he would get up and leave you. Then you can crave him for an eternity.
Oh, how you dreaded that day. You couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t fathom it, you couldn’t even conjure up the courage to acknowledge it. But it was inevitable, wasn’t it? Out of the thousands who want him, the millions who would do anything for him – what could have made you so special?
“What are you staring at?” He asks, softly turning his sleepy eyes to you.
His gaze raises your heartbeat, you feel a blush crawl up your bare spine. He’s been quieter these days, always seeming like he was in a deep stupor. A covered silence behind his beautiful mind. Everything was domestic and wholesome, your mind felt relaxed.
“I’m looking at my world…” You whisper, close to his ear as your lips brush against the outer lobe.
For a moment he just stares before he lets out a breathy laugh. “Cheesy.”
You smile, head molding into his shouldering with ease. Sex with him was always like a gentle wave, slowly covering your whole body in its warmth. His body was warmer than your comforter and his skin more alluring than any sight offered to your eyes.
“Says you.”
“Oh?” He quirks an eyebrow up making you nod
“Remember when you took me to the arcade and kept trying to win me that fat round stuffed whale for 2 hours?”
“Pfft, and I never even won that, did I?” He scrunches his nose in mock anger
“Exactly.” You giggle
“Hmm…but do you remember you stood there and encouraged me on the whole time. Didn’t complain once.”
Of course, you remember that day. The heels you wore were so prickly, your feet were sore for a week. Still you didn’t want to discourage Jimin, who was trying so hard for you. Or maybe he was just to immersed in the game, but it didn’t matter. None of that mattered but the fact that Jimin was with you.
“You didn’t complain when my car broke down in the snow on that abandoned road. Nor when I insisted to go see Candyman instead of whatever romcom movie you had in mind… I’ve always love that about you.”
I love that about you.
“How can I ever complain when you’re having fun…I’m not the complaining type of girl anyway.”
“You’re right, you aren’t like the other girls.” Jimin turns to face you completely, a soft grin on your face, “Maybe that’s why I like you too much.”
“R-really?” You flush as he laughs. It was always so easy for him, wasn’t it? “Cheesy.”
“But you love it.” Jimin bites his lower lip and well, you couldn’t deny that. He leans in just then, catching your fleeting eyes before he tenderly connects your lips. You couldn’t deny him then either. Your mouths move in a languid fashion, tongues tasting the deepest corners slowly.
He tasted of honey. That sweet, addictive pleasure.
After a few seconds you both part, Jimin hums with a lazy smirk. Your stares battle infinity before he looks at the clock. “Shit…I should run, my boss needs me to come in early today.”
“Oh, okay.” You say, masking your dejection when he gets up to put his shirt on. Jimin always hated his bosses. Actually, he seemed to have a problem with any figure who displayed authority over him.
“…Jimin…” You call out to him and he looks at you over his shoulder. “You’ll come back tonight, right?”
“…Right.” He says with a smile.
“Promise?” Your voice is so quiet it disappears with the sounds he makes as he shuffles to get up. So you just watch as he gets ready, the yearning in your heart and mind stirring again as you glare a hole into his muscular back. And suddenly he turns, with that same smile on his face. The one that has entrapped your heart many times before.
“I promise.”
And that was the last promise he actually fulfilled.
“That sounds so sweet.” Lin pulls you out from your thoughts and you take notice of the gentle smile gracing your features.
“It was.”
“How long ago was this?” she questions
“…”
“___?”
“Si-…seven years ago”
She frowns, furrowing her eyebrows “And how long have the two of you been married again?”
“Six years.”
“Then what have the last six years been like for you?” She asks softly
“He’s fucking another girl.” You calmly state as the room goes silent. The only thing you could hear were the morning birds outside the window and your sullen breaths. Thinking about the last six years made you upset…you couldn’t do anything to change that. Your grip on the glass becomes tighter, and you notice you’ve left prints again. So, you quickly begin wiping them. “He’s been…fucking other girls.”
…
“…I see…why don’t you start from the beginning.”
And in a moment, you’re spilling it all. Every single tortuous detail from your spousal life. Jimin’s promises, his lies. Every time he shut you down or off. Whenever he created distance. Jessica. Mina. Tina. All of last month, as if it was a story written in a word document. Every single pain you felt. You were crying by the end of it. Both from the searing lump in your throat and from the dreadful feeling of betraying your husband by not keeping your marriage’s confidentiality.
Why did you always feel so guilty?
You were sobbing into your palm as the doctor offers you a Kleenex. Wiping away at your tears, you take a glimpse at her expression. It had somewhat hardened in what you think is sympathy…but you couldn’t describe it well.
“Is there anyone you’ve spoken to about your husband’s infidelity other than Irene or Yoongi?”
“No.” You sniffle
“What about your mom?”
“I…I barely see her. Last time I t-talked to her was on the phone a year ago…on my birthday. And even if I d-did…I doubt I’d tell her.”
Lin takes a deep breath, “I see.” She commences to write something down once again on her clipboard. “Infidelity can be damaging in all sorts of way to an individual…especially to one’s self confidence.”
She looks at you “Do you feel that you have lost your sense of self-worth?”
“I wouldn’t know…I’m not sure I ever had any.”
This time, she takes off her glasses to hold in her fingers as she rests her knuckles under her jaw.
“While you’ve been here, I noticed you gave vague and short replies as if you didn’t want to talk in the first place when that’s exactly what you said you came to do. And you’re sitting at the edge of your seat.” She points at your hips and you immediately look down, “You’re trying to not leave a mark of your presence in the room, just like in the lobby…even the glass…you’ve marked off your prints around three times now?”
Were you really doing all of that? You felt embarrassed.
Her eyes immediately soften, and she speaks in a slower tone, “I just want you to tell me why you keep trying to make yourself as insignificant as possible. Why do you only become full of life at the mention of your husband?”
You wish you had an answer for her, but you don’t. Huh, how funny is it that this is the one time your perfectionism fails you. The one time you fail to provide an answer. Instead you opt to stare at the small table again. There were books on the table…one particular one stacked on top that caught your eye.
Her Body and Other Parties, the title read.
Lin notices where you were gazing off at.
“…___...can I ask you something private? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
Well she knew so much already. How can yet another intimate fact hurt? So, you nod meekly.
“How is your sex life?”
“Huh?” You make eye contact immediately after processing what she just said
“Can you tell me the last time you made love with Jimin?”
“Uh…um… uh-we haven’t been, I mean I can’t…with him.”
“Why?”
“Because when I tried to…Tina appeared in my head and I just…”
“Alright.” She says, looking ahead as if in thought. “Then when was the last time you were able to?”
You try to think, “Around 3 months ago.”
“Before Tina then. And you’ve been sexually active occasionally before that, yes?”
“Yes.”
“How was it then? Did he make you feel good?”
“Yes…I think?”
She gives you a certain look, “You think? What do you mean by that?”
“I mean it’s Jimin…everything feels good with Jimin.”
“Were you able to reach an orgasm with Jimin?”
Silence puddles the room.
“No.” You whisper in the smallest voice
“…___, can you tell me how long it has been since your husband gave you an orgasm?”
There’s a strumming inside you and you feel your insides pound. She said you didn’t have to answer right?
“Since…Jessica.” You murmur her name so low you don’t think she heard it. But the way she clicks her pen on tells you otherwise.
“…Can you tell me how many years it has been?”
“…”
“If you don’t want to answer it, that’s all right. We can talk about something else.”
“5 years.”
“…I see…and before that?”
“Before that…I always came before Jimin. It was surreal to have him above me…inside me. I felt so…loved.”
Lin glances out a window for a few seconds, seemingly in thought. Then she brings her attention back onto you. “Has Jimin ever noticed?
You snort at that, to which she raises a brow. Clearing your throat, you speak again.
“No, he hasn’t noticed. I fake them.”
“So, you let him have sex with you, never once felt satisfied and didn’t complain?”
You look down at your glass once again, “I…I didn’t want him to not touch me.”
Lin nods, waiting for you to continue.
“I wanted him to love me…to only look at me. Not being able to cum…is all my fault anyway. Something…must be wrong with me.” You wipe the tears loitering your sockets with your crumpled Kleenex.
“No. This isn’t your fault.” Lin states before she sighs, rubbing at her neck. “I’ve heard that before in a lot of my female patients. Yet it still manages to amaze me.”
“___,” She addresses you with full attention, making you straighten your spine, “Recently, I have been reading books on female sexuality and happiness. One of them being this-” She picks up the book you were looking at “-‘Her Body and Other Parties’ by Carmen Maria Machado. And I have come to notice a pattern between a woman’s sensuality and her self-esteem.”
Lin pauses, putting the book back down and looking back at you to make sure you were keeping up with her, making you nod in return.
“If I may ask…have you, by chance, brought yourself to an orgasm in the past 5 years?”
“Huh?”
“Have you ever masturbated?”
“Umm…no…”
“Maybe once when you were a teen? College, perhaps?”
“No.”
Like she had an epiphany she writes down something yet again on her clipboard.
“Then that’s what I want you to do before our next session. Educate yourself on healthy masturbation.”
Your jaw drops open at her statement, a string of questions leaving your lips. What did she just say? There was no way you’d be capable of doing something like that! You almost died just thinking about-
“___, I know it seems crazy, but masturbation is directly linked to a women’s mental health. It helps you gain confidence, release stress, produces endorphins and strengthens your immune system. We will be able to find out a lot about you, such as if you are interested in the idea of sex or not, either which is fine. It can also tell us if Jimin’s infidelity has been causing you subconscious psychological damage.”
Your mouth shuts as she lists her reasons.
“You have spent your life, giving yourself away. To your mom, to Jimin, to your work. You spent your life trying to become someone they’d love, that you forgot about who you are. There’s barely any of the real you left inside.” She points at your chest, “I need you to find out what you want, the things you like. The pleasures YOU seek.”
“I want you to learn about yourself. Learn how to properly care for yourself…how to love yourself.”
As her words register in your brain, you think back to a couple days ago. About how you sat with Irene, outside that small café. Not understanding that you genuinely liked cooking, just thought you did it to make your mom or Jimin happy. And about how good it felt, how amazing it was to realize there was a part of your personality not molded from the people who took advantage of you. It was…liberating.
“O…okay, but how do I…I mean my sessions with Jimin were all soft…I’ve never done anything myself before.”
“It’s up to you really…why don’t you start out by using a toy? You’ve missed out for a long while, so yes. I think a toy would help you.” She smiles at you and you want to stuff your face into the couch.
Could today get any stranger?
Suddenly a timer beeps causing Lin to look back at her desk.
“Oh, that’s all the time we have for now ___,” She says standing up, and you rush to stand with her, placing the glass back on the table. “I hope you can successfully complete this task I’ve assigned you, and I’ll meet you the same time next week, alright?”
She extends her hand, and you take it immediately “Umm, yes definitely.”
With the pleasantries out the way, you carefully make your way towards the door. Once you place your palm on the door handle, Lin calls out to you once again,
“Oh, and no thinking about Jimin while completing my assignment! This is about you and only you after all.”
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-”
“Irene, please stop laughing.” You groan into the receiver, pinching the bridge of your nose in embarrassment.
“Sorr-I just ahhahahah, no wait-” She wheezes over the other line. Taking a deep breath, she consoles herself. “Alright, so let me get this straight. I’m out of town for a week and you end up going to a therapist who tells you to jerk yourself off on the first session?”
“Ireeenneee,” You whine, “She’s a smart lady. She’s trying to help me.”
“Oh, she’s definitely trying to help you alright.” Irene snickers and you huff in frustration. Maybe you shouldn’t have called her to tell her about your Saturday night plans.
“Okay, okay, no more jokes. So, are you going to do it?”
“Yes…I mean I don’t know…I’m a bit nervous.”
“You haven’t came in 5 years. As a girl with a healthy libido, that would emotionally damage the hell out of me. Maybe the Doc’s onto something.” Irene states
“You think so?” This is what you wanted as usual. Reassurance.
“I don’t know to be honest…why don’t you try it out and tell me? You sure you bought the right item?”
You stare at the small unwrapped object in front of you. A bullet vibrator. All of that internet searching for a pink oval-shaped ball.
“I…think…” You gulp, becoming slightly intimidated
“Well I think you’re going to have an amazing night my princess.” Irene coos making you blush
“I-I-I am hanging up on you now!” You pout, flustered
“Wait, no I wa-”
With a huff you end the call, throwing your phone off to the side. Again, you were left doing nothing but staring at your toy. It just laid there, staring back at you. The atmosphere of your room felt oddly tense.
“Okay…be gentle.” You whisper to it. It doesn’t respond.
You pick it up carefully, taking off your robe and laying down against your mattress.
…Now what?
You were a grown woman; it was healthy to explore your sexuality. That’s what those internet articles and female magazines told you, all written in a perky tone to somehow connect with the modern working woman. Although you being you, you couldn’t help but point out their spelling mistakes.
That’s not the point, you huff, staring at your ceiling in frustration. What were you supposed to do right now? Your core was exposed to the air, the bullet vibrator stayed stiff in your left palm and you felt kind of ashamed in this position.
No thinking about Jimin, you recall Lin warning you. How were you supposed to do that? Who else would ever make you feel the way Jimin made you feel? Granted, he didn’t actually make you cum in the past few years, making love with him still felt good.
Or at least you think what you had with him felt good. At the times he made love with you, you desperately tried to convince yourself that it was different with you than with Jessica or Mina. That you were special to him and they were just side pieces. It…didn’t really work. Nevertheless, there wasn’t anyone who made you feel as bright as Jimin, no one you made you flustered and left you stuttering.
Well except maybe Irene and her smart mouth.
You giggle as you think of your friend. Before you begin to ponder on the subject a bit too long. Irene did have a pretty mouth. Her lips were always so cherry red and eyes foxy and seductive. It was always difficult to look at her straight in the face, but she made you sure you did no matter what. She was so assertive.
It was then, when you were dreaming about her intense ogling that your hips shifted slightly, your exposed core aching. H…How would Irene feel around your…your…
“Ah-” You moaned, your arm sliding down until your fingers made contact with your folds. Your eyes were closed so you could better picture her jet-black hair, the lax strands perfectly framing her small face. Your mouth was shaped as an O, as your fingers brushed through your folds, sliding them across the lax skin, before stretching them open, becoming wetter by the second.
“Nn-ahh.” You cry out softly as you rub around your clit. Your mind filling with a deep haze. This was so strange, you’ve never thought of women this way. But then again, you haven’t thought of anyone this way except for your husband.
“Nuh uh~” You hear the tender tone of a feminine voice echo, and you strain to look between your thighs to spot your smirking vixen of a best friend, “No thinking of him here.”
She coos before she tips her tongue out, her face dropping into your middle. Whimpering loudly, you arch your back off the bed as you feel her take you into her mouth, wet muscle playing around with your juices. She slid it up, down and across, pinch your nipple as she sucked on your nectar.
“oh my- I-Ire-” You hear her snicker, her laughter shooting straight through your spine. While still in a foggy daze, you squeeze the vibrator in your left palm, before pressing the small power button with your thumb. Your breathing was heavy, the device buzzing slightly in your hand as you brought it down.
For a moment you hesitated, the object’s frequency intimidating you. So, with a deep breath, you shut your lids, connecting the vibrator with your clit. Immediately a wave of pleasure washed over you, your eyes shot open as you groaned. It was as if Irene’s tongue was molded to the shape deep inside of you. Your body raised in temperature.
Although only connected to one part, you could feel the toy course throughout every limb. It left you shivering as you clutched the bedsheet beside your hips with your wet digits. You could feel your thighs, drenched in your sweetness, the air around them cooler, softer. Irene’s tongue increased in speed, sending your mind spiraling.
“O-OH mm-” You don’t know why you were trying to hold back your voice, but you couldn’t help it for some reason.
“Don’t hold back.” You suddenly hear, and you break out of your bewilderment to find another person on top of you. Shadowing over you was straight black hair, lusting doe eyes and soft rabbit features passionately regarding you. “I want to hear you.” He whispers as his large arms enclose around your head.
Why was he here?
Did you somehow want him to be here? You didn’t know. All you did know was that there was a knot forming inside of you, coiling around your insides with a viper like grip as you continued to fall into his stare. It felt so good, so euphoric. The pleasure was addicting.
You felt like you were going crazy, fingers slowly linking to your cunt once again. Rubbing circles as the device vibrated through your bundle of nerves. This wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be thinking about him. But the heat from his body made you feel lightheaded, whimpers escaping you like crazy. It was so wrong, but you felt so good in the moment.
“You’re so pretty like this.” Jungkook murmurs, moving away your hair sticking to your face. In a second Jungkook took the device away from you, winking at you. Confused, you tilted your head at him on the pillow before your eyes suddenly rolled into the back of your head.
He amped the vibration, placing the toy halfway inside of you. Your hips moved off the bed, fingers leaking wet with your nectar as you played with your clit. You wanted him inside of you so bad. It’s not that you wanted to conceive this very image, the sane you would never ever do something like this but fuck you don’t know what the fuck was wrong with you in that moment. And you didn’t care.
You imagine Jungkook drilling inside you, his fat dick ripping through your insides as the bed shook with every thrust. That was all it took to push you over the edge. And soon you were cumming, screaming out his name.
“J-Jungkook, yes! Oh God!”
A heavy wave of pleasure washes over you, stars obstructing your sight. Your mouth hung open as your pussy convulsed. Shuddering through the tremendous sensation, you fall back onto the mattress with a thump, and the toy helps you ride out your orgasm.
“Haah...haa...”
BzzzBzzz
The only noises that were left were of your excessive breathing and the strumming of the bullet vibrator. It felt like all your energy had suddenly left you, you forgot how powerful orgasms were until now. Soon finding it to be painful, you remove the toy from inside you, pressing the power button as you hold it up to your face. It was sticky wet, your juices smothered around the pink device like glaze.
Glazed donuts.
Blushing, you throw it to the side, still trying to process everything that just occurred. Wow. That was…Irene…and then Jungkook. You jump around, squealing into your pillow. What just happened?! Why did you imagine those two out of everyone? How will you ever face them again?
Even after everything was done, you couldn’t help the way your body felt so thrilled and satisfied. For some reason, you felt like you were floating on cloud 9. It felt so out of place, you hadn’t felt this way with Jimin ever. Not even on your best days. Who knew something so taboo could turn you on so much?
Fuck.
You turn so your back rested against the bed again, before slamming your hands onto your face. Were you going to have to explain all of this to your therapist? No way were you going to tell her who you jacked off to. As you were overthinking and worrying about your near future, you suddenly began to feel very drained and numb. You blinked lazily, the familiar weariness akin to sleep.
It took you by surprise, you hadn’t been able to fall asleep without sleeping pills for a long time now. As you bring your arms back down to look at the ceiling, you’re faced with your empty bedroom one again. Jimin had always been gentle with you, hadn’t he? It was another reason you loved him as much as you did. When you both made love, it felt like he could never hurt you.
Reality kicks in and a longing surrounds you. It was inevitable, you were bound to remember him again. You couldn’t help but wish your husband was here with you to share your happiness.
You wish he was here with you to see your growth, to be proud of you. You wish he was here with you and you couldn’t help but feel that yearning for him like you’ve always felt. You really wish he could love you. Looks like you hadn’t exactly passed this task, since you weren’t supposed to think about Jimin but you didn’t care. More than anything, you wanted him home.
Old habits don’t just die after one success.
So, as the thought of your vacant house infected you, before you could dwell on the topic further. Before you took another pill, feeding your insides with your own poison. Become a moping drone, a sickened shell once again, you shut your eyes. Blocked out the evil world before you and relaxed every muscle, every scar in your brain. It was the only thing you could think of doing. Thankfully your spent energy agrees with you.
Before Jimin could take over you once more, without ever lifting a muscle.
You fell asleep, letting yourself feel drained and dreaming of the wedding and the bright shore.
It was inevitable.
Your eyes flutter open to a soft white room. The sunlight was peeking through the curtains, lighting up the canvas across your orbs. You wriggle your toes about, slowly seeping into full conscious.
Once you can make out the ceiling above you, you stretch your muscles before sitting up.
“Ji-”
Turning on your side, you place your palm down on the cotton sheets beside you. A palm you meant to place on a body that was meant to be on the bed. Beside you.
“Right.” You whisper, staring at the cold spring empty of life and bringing your hand back to your lap.
No one’s there.
Sighing, you swing your legs off the bed and onto the floor – the fluffy carpet molding into your feet. You push yourself up, the action causing the sheets to slither off your naked body and expose your nipples to the chill atmosphere. Again, you stretch your tendons, raising your arms above your head and lifting the bottom soles of your feet off the ground. Your back curves and your eyes clenched shut. It’s been a while since you had fell asleep without pills.
Blinking lazily at nothing in particular, you sluggishly turn your body to the direction of the bathroom. You begin to saunter across your room, reveling in the peaceful silence of a sunny Sunday. As you’re a few steps from the door, your gaze catches onto the full-length body mirror set just aside.
It makes you halt in your tracks. A moment passes by before you step closer to your reflection in fascination.
Have you always looked like this?
Is this the way your hair falls over you face? You think as you run your fingers through your soft locks – bringing forward a single strand to the front of your face to focus in on. Slowly your gaze falls back to the mirror and you tilt your head. Sliding your digits onto your face, the tips of your pointer and middle fingers caressing the peak of your nose, gradually underneath your jaw and upon your neck.
Is this how your body was shaped?
You take it all in. Captivated by the glowing expanse of your silky skin, the gentle rhythm of your chest, and the highs of your curves you ran a palm over. Shuddering as a strangely new sensation waltzes within you. The sun’s rays wrap around you like gold, highlighting every mole and freckle settled into your casing. Scars and marks from forgotten memories finding shelter under the spotlight. Every secret exposed in the flare of the replication. It felt like you had just stepped out of a decaying cocoon – stitched together by the molding twined fabric of your uncertainties.
And the you who emerged shone.
There were sparks of glitter all around you. Tiny angels spinning threads of new-found purity onto the secret corners of your soul.
A once caged bird, with virginal wings as large as her innocent heart. Who wears her crown fragile; while her refined mind heals from the battles with the toxicity in amour. Her beauty is an ode to the agile cosmic, lucky enough to hold her able within its seams. Your dimensions were your unique, the line between pleasure and hurt fitted across your stomach.
It was beautifully raw outside that rotten cocoon. You spread your arms out, relishing in the way your body weaves between space and time as your insides melt perfectly into the shape of your skin. Every bone, every ounce of lush, the fruits of your divine frame. The mountains and hills spread amongst your flesh – the caves and burrows layered one on top of the other. It was all beautiful. Raw, real and radiant. Like a pallet with too many colors splattered amongst the wood, splashes from aches and pain and memories and gain.
Your pallet.
As the pearls of your pupils rake through your figure, they suddenly land on your unclothed core. You let out a shaky exhale, eyes glossing and lashes fluttering. Carefully you guide your hand to your lower region until your fingers make contact with your wet folds. A shiver runs through you, goosebumps poking through your soft pores. Awakening the images of last night; of the whimpers and aches. Of the satisfaction and the explosion of your confined stellar.
This was you. Your perfect frame, your flawless physique, your structured identity.
Was it the early morning air? The first good sleep in years? Or the sensual night before?
…Did it matter?
A smile graces your lips as you wrap your arms around yourself. The slick from your nether regions painted amongst your fingers staining the upper part of your left arm.
You were just happy to be awake.
_
“They’re pretty, right?”
He holds up the peonies clutched in his hand at you, tilting his head so you could see him just behind the stunning flowers. He was everything for you; your energy, your medicine, your happiness. You wanted to melt.
“Yes.” You reply, trying to sound happy; less depressed.
He frowns and it goes straight to your heart, “Sorry”
“For?” He asks, throwing the plant on the couch. Not making eye contact.
Suddenly you wanted to cry. You’re too sensitive to all of his emotions and he knows it. Uses it to his pleasure. It was amazing – how some words had so much power over you.
For being sad. For not living up to your expectations.
“I love them Jimin.” You smile, placing your hands on each side of his face and turning him to you. “I love you.”
And he’s happy. The sun is back on his face.
On the other hand, you feel like the unlit side of the moon. Especially when Jimin engulfs you in a smothering hug.
“That’s what I wanted to hear.”
From me or Jessica? You think. It had only been a week since the dire revelation and your insides were crumbling. He had sex with you time and time again, but you felt nothing. Something was wrong with you, but you didn’t want to tell him.
You wanted him to be happy. Even if you hated yourself.
As you fit into his arms, you stare at your reflection in the mirror on the back wall. How ugly…how unworthy. No wonder he cheated on you. No wonder he found someone better.
He loves you too, he says.
But you couldn’t help hate yourself.
Ok. What the hell was a T-front string?
You squint your eyes at the screen, rereading Irene’s text for the tenth time.
Your heels were clacking the floor below you, as you speed walked through the mall with a small giftbag in hand. A while after your little intimate moment with yourself, you had called up your friend to speak to her about the rejuvenation you experienced in excitement. She was very happy for you, giggling through the receiver like a child. It made you smile.
Although, no matter how much she pestered you, you refused to spill the beans about who you ended up jerking off about. Irene was persistent, naming off every actor and model she knew. And you on the other hand had no idea who half of them were. Thankfully, she couldn’t get you to spill the beans. You dreaded her reaction if she ever did find out.
After warding off her interrogation and chatting about something mundane, she had suggested for you to go to the mall so she can help you find some useful ‘items’ for women since you had nothing else planned. Your interest was piqued, thinking it might be items such as the world’s most comfortable bra or scrunchies that never go missing. Yet as you parked your car in the lot, and tentatively made your way inside – you had given up all hope for your superpowered hair ties.
None of the items Irene had been texting you made any sense.
‘Double D Balls Dildo. Make sure the balls are squishy!’
‘Shower Sex Foothold. Very useful for shaving your legs. Other things as well I guess.’
???
In an array of confusion, you had gone up to a random employee to ask him what exactly Doc Johnson’s “The Fist” was. The paling look he gave you in return has you traumatized for life. Never again would you ask anyone to explain anything Irene tells you.
As she continued to text you severe objects to buy, you just shook your head while buying a little something of your own. Letting her think you were following what she said of course. You could just imagine the look on her face, the tiny snicker as she continues to lightheartedly play around with your innocence. There was a small jewelry shop you loved in this mall, one Jimin would bring you to after he got a promotion or when it was your birthday.
You bought a small bracelet for Irene from said shop; to thank her for her friendship and for listening to you mope about Jimin. Satisfied with your purchase, and only this purchase – you decided to head out of the place. Your legs were practically running out of the mall, trying to get back home. It’s actually been like this for the past few days.
Since he disappeared.
Every time you stepped out of your apartment, even for a few minutes, you would rush back at twice the speed. It was as if…you were hoping that once you step inside. Once you’re in the sanctuary of your house, he’d be there too. He’d turn around and you could run into his warm arms again. And he’d promise you – genuinely promise – he’ll never leave again. Ever. It was a fairytale reunion made for a dreamy girl. Ridiculous, but you still wished it to be true.
For some reason, you were especially eager to get home today. Even more than usual. When you made it to the first floor and could see the doors you came in from, your phone abruptly buzzed again. Huffing, you open the device, trying to see what nonsense Irene sent you this time.
You were too busy checking your phone to see where you were going. Your legs were rushing a bit too much to notice the other pairs of legs walking in your direction.
“Whoa-”
“Oww-”
That’s when you ended up bumping into another body with a small thud. The phone in your hand crashing onto the ground, sliding away from your peripheral vision on the floor. Both of you wobbled around a bit but grabbed onto the others arms to seek balance. Once you stood sturdy, you immediately searched around for your missing phone with your head turning about in a frenzy. It didn’t take you long to spot it as it didn’t travel too far, ending up right next to the girl’s leg. In relief you sigh, bending down to pick it up to brush the specks of dust and surveille the damage. The girl on your arm doesn’t move an inch, like she was frozen in place.
After you’ve made sure it’s not broken and everything was working properly, you smiled. Looking up at the girl to apologize.
“Oh, I’m sorr-”
A gasp escapes your throat.
Your eyes instantly widen – in an eerily painful way as your jaw fails you. Your insides plummet with a chaotic mix of anger, confusion, and dread swirling through you – thundering up a storm that has you stagnant. The atmosphere takes a sudden drop in temperature and a chill runs down your spine at the cold air. Subconsciously, you take a step back. Away from the sight before you.
“H-hey ___, long time no see.”
In return, the girl stands there in as much discomfort and anxiousness as you. Shifting on her feet, she sends you an awkward smile. A smile you were used to seeing daily at one point in your life. A smile you grew to reluctantly dislike over the years. Your muscles start to constrict.
“Mina.” A whisper leaks from your lips.
Clink, clank.
You listen in to the busy atmosphere surrounding you while sitting still in your wooden seat. Waitresses passing by, the small chatter, the clinging and clanging of cups and forks. It was all more interesting to you than the predicament at hand right now. There was nothing to really focus in on, except the table in front of you and its stiff glass casing. Which you were eyeing with lasers shooting out of your orbs.
The tension in the air was thick.
And the girl sitting opposite to you was looking at you a bit too anxiously, failing to be subtle with her regard. You could tell she was playing with her fingers underneath the table, a habit you had noticed many times before. Almost four years ago.
“H..how have you been?” She starts, making you look up at her.
As soon as you acknowledge her, her face drops. Like she was afraid of your judgement. She clears her throat.
“I-it’s nice to see you again…” She strains, “After all these years…you look great.”
There’s an awkward silence that goes by as you’re slow to register her words. It was as if your brain doesn’t want to recognize the situation you’re in – trying to run away from you rather than recall any more past memories.
“It’s been quite long.” You manage to make out, “I’ve been well.”
Why did you lie to her? Were you that afraid of her finding out the truth?
“T-that’s good.” Mina replies a bit too fast.
…
Another awkward silence engulfs your vicinity as you both proceed to poke holes through the table.
“All right, here you are!” A shout wakes you both, making your shoulders jump. “One glass of water and one small coffee, one cream and two sugars.”
A lady places down your coffee cup in front of you, and you exhale at the balmy steam warming up your otherwise cold face.
“Anything else?” She chirps with a small tray in hand
“That’ll be all, thank you.” Mina responds to which the lady nods and leaves with a smile
Mina watches you as you stir your coffee mindlessly. You could tell there was a lot running through her mind like you.
She hasn’t changed much. Just a couple of alters you could spot. Like how her hair’s a bit longer now, reaching just above the conjecture between her neck and her shoulder and dyed a darker color. A few more piercings graced the left side of her ear now. There was also a small tattoo on her ring finger – some sort of symbol in a mix of purple and red. On the other hand, her style hadn’t changed at all. She still wore those oversized black hoodies and white sneakers. You hide a smile as her dark top almost drowns her.
Mina was as beautiful as you remember.
Suddenly, she huffs, picking up her water.
Gulp, gulp, gulp
You gape at her with wide eyes as she drinks the whole glass in one go. She sets it down with a clang, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Then her orbs connect with yours, as she continues to stareat you with an unreadable expression. For a second, you catch her regarding the gift bag by your side.
“___, I-” She starts off strong, faced focused and seeming like she knows what she’s going to say.
But as her linger remains, she loses her grip – mouth slacking and concentrated expression failing.
“I…”
“What is it?” You say in a low yet clear tone of voice
“I…God! I don’t know how to say this!” She places her elbows on the table, burrowing her face into her palms. Her outburst turns a few heads to which you shift uncomfortably to.
“Are you alright?” You reach over and place a hand on her wrist, which has her removing her hand covering her face to stare at the place you were touching her. She spots your ring.
“Are you still with Jimin?” She whispers
“…yes.” You say, although it’s not exactly the truth.
You retract your hand and her eyes follow it till they land back on you.
“How is he?” Mina asks, even quieter than before
“He’s well.” You’re not sure how else to answer. Honestly, you didn’t even want to answer.
She scoffs, “Good for him.”
The hate in her tone catches you off guard, your eyebrows furrowing as you stare at the now frowning girl.
“…Wha-”
“Good for him. Park Jimin. Great. Wonderful. Of fucking course he’d be well, he’s the one and only Park Jimin. The nicest guy in the world. Light of everyone’s fucking life. Sweet, kind, charming Park Jimin. Let me go jump off a cliff.”
She spits each word with abhorrence laced in her tongue. Her eyes squint in anger and her fist clenches the ends of her long sleeves. You sit there, shocked and confused.
When she notices the expression on your face, she unwinds. Moving her arms off the table and sitting up.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…I just…” Taking a deep breath, she closes here eyes to contemplate something. Before looking up at you once again, “I always wanted to apologize for what I did to you.”
…
A third silence passes you both. Your brain was now fully awake and taking in each and every word.
“There’s not a day I don’t think about it…what I did to you…the mistakes I’ve made.” Mina’s voice cracks halfway as her eyes become glossy. For some reason, your chest starts to ache. “I regretted it every single day ever since you left. And I always, always wanted to talk to you one last time. I-if that’s okay with you?”
She halts to study your reaction. You nod, urging her to continue.
“…It’s not a secret – what I did over the course of half a year. What I allowed to happen…” She sniffles, staring at the gift bag as a tear falls down her eye. “It’s just…you meet this guy, right? A polite, charming, extraordinarily handsome guy, and he’s great. And he’s married which is also great but-”
“He sees you, like…he actually sees you for you and he befriends you. And he doesn’t tell you to change unlike other guys. He doesn’t turn his nose up at your quirks and doesn’t hold animosity in his eyes. He tells you his secrets…or what you think are his secrets and he appreciates you.”
She takes a deep breath, her nose running and cheeks rosy. Taking a napkin from the table’s corner, she wipes the tears littering her face as your own eyes well up. So this was how Jimin was in her mind compared to yours. There were a lot of similarities and a lot of differences.
“And so,” Mina strains, “You fall for him. Even though it’s wrong and even though he’s m-married. Even though his wife is a wonderful person, y-you fall so, so hard. And when he kisses you while he’s a drunk, giggling, beautiful mess…you don’t stop him.”
You close your eyes as the first tears makes its way down your cheek. Even though there were a lot of differences, the feelings were the same.
“Y-you don’t stop after the first time. Nor after the second and then the third… and it just keeps going on and on and on. Until it’s too late to stop. Even though the guilt eats you alive. Even though you stop eating and stop sleeping and no one can see the bags under your eyes, when he smiles at you-”
Mina shows you a pained smile, “When he smiles at you, and his eyes crinkle and his nose buttons. You think it’s all – the pain, the secrets – it’s all worth it. Because you just feel so damn special for some reason. So, you throw yourself down the drain, become the woman you never wanted in a relationship that would never go anywhere. You lie until your teeth start rotting and hide until the shame stops consuming your heart.”
You wipe your tears with the back of your hand, trying to calm your senses by pursing your lips.
“Then one day…he tells you he doesn’t need you anymore. That you never meant anything to him and it’s over.” Mina’s stop crying now. She stares at the table once again, this time looking at her reflection in the glass. “And you don’t put up a fight, because you knew this was coming. It was inevitable. A real relationship can never be based on a lie. All you’re left with is the person you’ve become.”
“In the end…all you did was become a liar that hates herself. Someone who hurt a woman who’s been nothing but kind to her. Someone who shut everyone out till the one guy she’s wanted shuts her out… that’s the conclusion.”
You let out a shaky exhale, your body lagging and mind numbing. There’s yet another moment of silence as you process everything you’ve just heard. Your feelings…were just the same.
“I’m sorry.” Your eyes shoot up as Mina speaks up once again, “I’m sorry for what I did to you and for all the things I let happen.”
“I understand if you don’t forgive me. And I understand if you never want to see me again. I…just wanted to tell you that you were great. You were a great wife, and a great friend…a great cook haha...and a great person. You deserved better than all of this. You deserved better than all of us.”
“And...and I know how it feels…I…I dated someone after Jimin… and huh ironically-” Mina lets out a breathless laugh, “He cheated on me… and I know I deserve I-”
“No.” You interrupted her, “No one deserves that.”
Mina pauses as she stares at you, “It really hurts…it’s not just them loving someone else, but them breaking your trust and connection. Completely disregarding your feelings and disrespecting you. And something like that coming from someone you love – someone’s who’s supposed to love you…breaks you apart from the inside. And that’s why I now understand what kind of a person Park Jimin was. A manipulative, lying piece of shit who immediately uses people’s vulnerabilities for his own pleasures.”
…
“I hope one day you’re able to move on from what I’ve done but…I will always carry what I did to you. I’ll continue to fall into toxic relationships and continue to have trust and commitment issues for the rest of my life.”
You frown at the feeble girl in front of you. Was this what you wanted from her? From Jessica? Is this what you want for Tina? Would this satisfy your idea of karma?
“Thank you…for apologizing…for speaking your truth.” You began slowly, Mina’s inflamed face staring at you,
“I always tried to understand why you did it. How you could do that to me when you’ve met me and knew me and…my head was just a mess for the longest time…but now…I just hope you’re able to move on from this as well…I don’t know if I can truly forgive you but I don’t want to hate you any longer. I spent so much energy trying to hate you and the other girls…I compared myself to you, I looked down on you…I ran away from you.
“But what was it that you owed me at that my husband didn’t owe me a hundred times more?”
Trying to piece your thoughts together you sigh, “The you I conjured up in my mind was a lot more characterless and viler. But now it just seems like I was trying to blame anybody but Jimin for his own mistakes. That’s the whole idea behind homewrecker, huh? I blamed you, I blamed my mother, I blamed myself. I blamed every single person except Jimin. And I shouldn’t have. There was no one else at greater fault. Not even you… and I no longer want to do that. I no longer want to put the blame on others.”
Mina looks away once her eyes tear up again. Her body felt sore and her insides twisted painfully. There’s no greater pain than the guilt of a woman.
“In the end we were all trying to find our happiness…anyway we could. I guess…we just searched for it in the wrong places.”
The rest of the sudden meet up was spent in silence. This abrupt hush being the last one before you finished your drink and observed the traffic around you. It felt like you both had said what you wanted, like your chests were finally free of such a huge burden. What was left was a empty feeling, satisfying but still an end.
Soon, it was time for goodbyes.
And then there you were, driving home from the longest trip you’ve ever had at a mall. You sat there, steering your car on the road, thinking just one thing. All this time, you’ve remembered nothing but bad things about her. About Jessica. And now about Tina. But what was the point in accusing them?
What type of satisfaction had you gained from hating other women?
Did it stop your husband from cheating? Did it dissolve his sins?
What sort of people were Jessica and Tina, apart from the characters your imagination had invented?
There were new questions you needed answers to. And there was just one person who could help you answer them all.
Just one.
Jimin was in the balcony, drinking his night away again.
Tina wouldn’t shut up tonight, he didn’t want to deal with her. But right now, he didn’t have anyone he could trust as much as her so his feet were planted in her damn apartment. As he looks up at the bleary sky, his mind wanders back to you. What were you doing at the moment?
Tsk, he scolds himself then. Why did he always think about you in the end? What did you mean to him? NOTHING. You were a toy. A toy he ended up going overboard with almost 6...no 7 years ago from tomorrow.
A toy that was causing him problems...
Jin had called this morning. “Why doesn’t your wife know where you are?”
It infuriated him; how dare he be questioned like this. And that bastard was one to talk, he was with Jimin playing wingman anytime Jimin needed a quick fuck. Telling him he knows men shouldn’t be tied down to one woman, that men were made to pump out their population into mankind. So why was everyone acting different now?
Why were you?
He kept you under his control for so long. How did you even find out about Tina?
Why was he?
Jimin couldn’t eat for the past few days. Nothing tasted like your cooking so he couldn’t swallow it down. His sleep was fucked up and he tried to wear himself out going to the gym or having sex with Tina or someone else but nothing worked. If anything, he just felt worse. He kept remembering the cologne you came in with that one night, just which bastard were you fucking?
His grip on the glass beer is so tight, he could hear it crack. No, you couldn’t have. Jimin was sure you wouldn’t even think about another man as long as you had him. Who would?
As his heart continues to ache and yearn without him knowing why, mind numb and limbs sore, his phone begins to ring.
Speak of the devil.
...
You studied the phone in your hand, as your thumb trembled while hovering over his name.
Why was this so hard? You’ve been upfront with him for a while now. So, what is it about today – this moment particularly – where your insides would rather shut down than hear his voice?
As you once again back out from pressing his name on your phone screen, you huff, sitting up in frustration. It shouldn’t be this hard, it’s really not a big deal. So what if you had no idea where your husband was for the past week? So what if he had his own wife sent to voicemail so many times that she had become too traumatized to call him? And so what if the biggest day of your life was tomorrow and he was still MIA? All you had to do right now, was ask about his location. Drown the wild thoughts and insecurities in your head with confirmation from the love of your life.
He owes you that much.
So, with a loud sigh, you click on his name. Ready to face the truth.
Your gut drops when it rings. Falling deeper and deeper with the first ring.
Second ring.
Third ring.
Fou-
“Hello?”
Gasping at the voice, you immediately put your phone next to your ear.
“Y-yes hello?”
“…___.”
You wanted to cry. He actually picked up, he really answered. “J…Jimin.”
Your whole body shivered, as if it remembered Jimin existed. He wasn’t some fever dream you mind conjured up. There was so much you wanted to tell him, which spiked up the adrenaline in your system. Oh, how you longed to speak to him.
“I heard you called Jin…” Was his immediate response. After being away from home for so long, after leaving you in the dark. He was more concerned about you talking to someone about how he left you.
“Yeah…I-I did.”
“Why?” He sounded annoyed
“Because I didn’t know how else to reach you…”
“You shouldn’t have called Jin.” He spoke again, firmly.
Biting your bottom lip, you hold back your tears. Does he think it was easy for you? Doesn’t he realize how embarrassed you were? Can’t he understand that you wouldn’t have called him if he just picked up his phone? Jin’s seen you before, he’s made you laugh before, you know him. He’s a very charming person, it’s why he’s one of Jimin’s few coworkers that you genuinely liked. Also one of the first friends Jimin made when you moved into this city.
It’s why you were terrified that when you make the call…his high opinion of you would change. That to him you’d look like a pathetic, desperate woman whose husband casted aside. You felt so much shame and if you truly, frantically didn’t need his help, you would have never asked.
Doesn’t he know that? Does he care about you at all?
“I…I’m sorry.” You whisper
He doesn’t respond. No, you didn’t want to blame him.
“Jimin…I’m so sorry for everything…I got ahead of myself. Please Jimin…”
Still, silence.
“Jimin…I don’t know where you are…I don’t know what you’re doing but I know that I love you. I love you and I miss you and I need you so much that it hurts.”
…
“Jimin…would you please…please come home to me? Please.”
“I don’t know, ___.” He responds tiredly, “I just don’t know who you are anymore.”
By now you should have known it was useless for you to hold back tears. “You stood in that altar with me, right? You took my hand and told me you wanted to stay by my side forever. You said forever didn’t you Jimin?”
Again, you shared radio silence and you close your eyes and imagine him. His beautiful self, his past innocence. What should you do to capture his attention?
“I met Mina yesterday.”
At that you hear his breath hitch.
“W-what…where?”
“At the city mall…she’s still as pretty, you know.” You let out a giggle
“You’re prettier.” He jokes. It was so out of place but he said it casually.
You laugh. You laugh and laugh and laugh until you start to sob. Breath heaving and lungs sore, you sob into the receiver. Your face was wet, and your nose was running, you were sure you have never looked more unattractive. Being close to him once again opened up the flood of your insecurities, made you feel hyper aware of your appearance. Shame and embarrassment enfold in you once more and you feel your throat close in on yourself.
Him just casually joking around reminds you of the old days. Where you might have been broken inside but Jimin was here to mend you outside. And that’s what you needed right now, for him to glue your shards back together again. A porcelain doll is always hollow inside anyway.
“…_-___.”
You cry louder at the sound of his voice. Your Jimin…you loved him so much.
“J-Jimin-hic-…pleas-please -hic- some home…I’ll change Jimin, I-I’ll be better, so please.”
He listens to you cry and his chest aches like someone pulled his heart out. This was something he was never good at, dealing with someone’s feelings. That’s why he never let anyone get too close, even if they felt like they were. Everyone…but you. Fuck, he shakes his head. No, you meant nothing.
But he still wanted to console you.
“T…the anniversary dinner is tomorrow, right?” He starts, his voice uncertain, “I…I’ll come then.”
“You will?” You hiccup, your own tone unsure
“I will.” He says, and this time he sounded confident. “I will come back home ___, just wait for me…”
“Promise me…”
What else could you wish for?
“I promise.”
How could a little more waiting hurt you?
Jimin shuts of the phone and sighs. It seems like you were back under him, which is a relief. He smiles then, his heart soaring at the thought of seeing you again. Just imagining the look on your face would be enough to keep him satisfied for a long time.
See? You love her. A voice interrupts. It came from deep inside his chest. Conscious, they call it. He hated it more than anything. The only person Jimin loved was himself and the only person he needed was himself.
He’s not like those pathetic people that lust after him immorally. There were no similarities between him and them, there never would be. His conscious seems to disagree though, telling him once again, how much he loves her, someone like her.
Growling at his brain, he smashes the bottle down onto the balcony’s pavement. The shards scatter, glimmering in the moonlight of the pale city. He could see himself in the reflection.
And for the first time, he didn’t like who stared back.
You were waiting.
On that time of year again.
June 17th, the most special day of your life.
You still remember it quite well; the well-lit Azul sky, the light specks of sand, the calming roar of the clear waves. It was the most beautiful morning in the universe.
Yet you were a wreck of nerves, sweaty palms and jittery teeth. Jimin’s dad placed a hand on your quivering shoulder, your eyes shooting the gentle senior as he smiles at you consolingly. You were never close to Jimin’s parents, nonetheless they were always tremendously kind to you. A part of you felt so undeserving of their love, but Jimin would remind you that you have earned everything good in the world. Jimin…you couldn’t believe in a few moments you were marrying the love of your life. How and when did your life take such a drastic turn for the better?
Snapping from your reverie, you shyly nod your head at your new father and place your hand under his outstretched arm. And soon it starts – the piano melody signaling the curtains withdrawal.
As the fabric was removed from your vision, the picture-esqu sight came into view in front of you, making you hold your breath and faintly tighten your grip on the elder man’s arm. The audience immediately turned their heads, a pleasant expression of awe plastered on their faces. White and pink carnations, complimenting your long lacey dress, decorated the virgin painted benches and their petals littered the bleached soft satin carpet.
And in front of it all – the audience, the flowers, your mother – stood Jimin. You lost control of your senses when you saw him. He stood perfectly still, hands clasped together and slightly taller than usual with his heeled derby’s and straightened posture. His black suit was stitched without a visible flaw, even in this bright daylight. It elongated his limbs and made them seem sturdier – rather well put as he jut his chest out ever so softly. Your eyes couldn’t break away, even as you began advancing towards him. Jimin too, stared right at you unwaveringly, like he could see no one but you at the moment.
His hair was gelled back and brush to the side, letting the sunlight highlight his ethereal features. When you reached the end of the carpet, Jimin’s father took a hold of your hand and handed it to Jimin. As soon as Jimin’s fingers touched your palm, a spark of fire traveled underneath your skin and your arm broke out in goosebumps. He led you up the three-step stairs, into the altar where the priest stood in front of you both.
“You look gorgeous.” He whispers with a cheeky smile
You break out into a shy smile, some of the rashness in your nerves leaving you.
His eyes never leave yours as the priest starts speaking and you could feel your own eyes well up as you hear the quiet sobs of Jimin’s mother.
After the small sermon, it was time for that big question.
“Do you Park Jimin, take ___ to be your lawfully wedded wife? To cherish her in sickness and in health? And never leave her lonely?”
For a moment you thought you saw a pause in Jimin’s smile. That there was a sudden weakness flashing across his orbs. But it was over, very, very quickly.
“I do.” He states proudly, causing all the unease in your lungs to vanish.
As the priest repeats the question to you, you take a deep breath, ready to state your obvious answer.
Suddenly though, you catch the eyes you’ve been avoiding the whole time.
Your mother. Sitting in the front row.
Without a smile.
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“Mom, please…I’m getting married in a few hours. Why is this the only thing you have to say to me?”
The older lady inhales, her nostrils flaring in exhaustion. “I’m saying this for your own good.”
“No! You’re saying this for your own sick pleasure!”
“How could you think that way about your own mother?”
“…because let’s face it mom…you’ve never cared about me…”
She went silent after that. 10 minutes of arguing and this was what made her silent.
“Alright.” She spit, bitterly. “But when he ends up leaving you, don’t come crying to me.”
…
“I never have.”
“Madam?”
You jump from your daydream.
“Pauillac?”
A well dressed, older waiter stands in front of your table. He held out a bottle of expensive looking wine.
“Oh, thank you.” You say, holding out your glass.
Fast forward to seven years, you set up a reservation at the most popular 5-star restaurant in your city. It’s something you’ve done every year for four years, a month ahead because of the place’s demand and limited seating options. Even though your nerves were eating at you, you kept yourself alive. Today is the day you’ll see Jimin again. He’ll be back home again.
Your body was yearning for his touch again, you felt yourself getting hot and cold at times for no reason. But it was alright, you were happy.
You’ve gotten your hair, makeup and nails done at a salon today, wanting to look beautiful for your husband. It was red in color and light weight, to not seem overbearing, and you wish Jimin would like it on you. Imagining him complimenting you had you unintentionally beaming. Anything and everything he’d say tonight was bound to have you convulsing inward, you were just so excited to see him again.
Having arrived 15 minutes early, you mess with the napkins and cutlery, making sure everything was straight and preppy. Your nerves were on high making you fidget and glance at the door every few seconds. Jimin’s promise rang inside your head as assurance. There was a letter clutched in your hand. Since there were so many – way too many things you wanted to tell him, you decided to write a letter instead.
He’ll be here. I know him.
Time went by a bit too slowly, so you took some sips of your wine. What should you say first to him. Oh, you should thank him for keeping his promise. That would make him happy. Then you should apologize for that night, negotiate carefully to not scare him away. You’d tell him of the progress you made, about how you were learning to stand on your own two feet so you wouldn’t bother him again.
Whatever you did, you could not afford to make him feel upset again.
As you continued to carefully plan out your time with Jimin, a voice resounded in your head.
“You spent your life trying to become someone they’d love, that you forgot about who you are.”
…
You were doing it again. Of course, you didn’t want to apologize to him…but you were more concerned with what pleased him. Sighing, you took another sip of your wine.
Where was he? You were beginning to get angsty. Tapping your foot against the floor, you signaled the waiter for more wine. 20 minutes had passed. 30. 40. Soon you were bombarded with voices echoing your head.
Lin. Irene. Yoongi. Mina. Your mother.
Everything they said over the past month haunting your insides until you shook. Stop it, you wanted to yell. All you wanted was to be in your husband’s arms. You aren’t stupid for yearning for love. Jimin promised.
1 hour.
You had begun to stare at the people around you, dressed so lavishly. They all look so content. How lucky they were. There was a senior couple a couple of tables away from you, the lady feeding something sweet to her husband. It made you smile, and your heart hurt even more. Jimin, please come soon.
2 hours.
Where was he? People were starting to notice you could tell, their shaped became nothing but eyes that beheld you with animosity. Eyes poking you in places that left you sore. You wanted to jump into a cold river. Wash away the restrictive feeling around your throat. No, you aren’t stupid for trusting Jimin again.
With a deep breath, you press his number, holding it to your ear with pursed lips. He doesn’t pick up. But you dial it again. What if something happened to him, you worry. There was a similar feeling inside of you. The one you felt when you visited this office that night. Your heart and mind pleaded with him.
Please, Jimin.
“…Hello?” A groggy voice answers
You smile – you actually fucking smile for the tiniest millisecond. Before realizing that wasn’t his voice. No, that high-pitched feminine voice wasn’t his. Your whole face falls.
“Ms. ___?”
Tina.
“H-hello, Ms-” You overhear some shuffling before you hear him.
“Kitten, who is i-”
No longer concerned, you hang up. You were so stupid.
Your face twitches, mind still frozen before the tears fall like rain. It was raining outside too.
In seconds, your makeup’s all ruined, and the collar of your dress is strangling you. With so many people in the vicinity, you try to stop your tears but it’s no use – you can feel a few stares burning a hole through your head. You don’t even care to acknowledge the waiter who cheerily walks up to you pushing a cart.
“Ma’am here’s your oh-”
He stops dead in his tracks in front of you, who’s silently heaving into the air. He’s at loss of what to do as he gapes at your wrecked state, in his sweaty palms he weakly holds the handle of the cart. On that cart laid a large 2 layer lavishly decorated vanilla-swirl cake. Jimin’s favorite. With two words written at the top in pink strawberry icing.
‘Happy Anniversary’
You had no clue where you were headed.
The hush of the car pushed you forward. Your grip on the handle was deathly, frigid arms barely holding it eerily still and not crashing into one of the pawn shops on the right out of pure fury.
After the tears came the rage. You were so, so angry. And you didn’t give one single fuck.
Fucking Jimin, perfect, lovable, charming Jimin. Fuck him.
How dare he?
How fucking dare he not show up? How fucking dare he embarrass you like that? He lied to you yet again. And you, like the pathetic woman you are, fell for it again. It was like a drug, the wrath and despair within your system. Traveling across every nerve and every stream. Feeling like tiny needles prickling you all at once. You were so fucking angry.
It kept replaying in your mind. Tina’s groggy voice, her confusion…her pity. You couldn’t control anything, not your breathing nor your anger. All you wanted to do was forget about it all. Before you did something you really regret. So, you sped to the only place that made you forget once before.
You push the breaks to a halt, your body lurching forward at the sudden stop. Turning, you look out the car window, breathing fire through your nose. The loud beating of the music silently shakes the whole road. Bright red neon lights flare into your vicinity, reflecting even the puddles of the long dead rain.
Cypher Road.
With a humorless smirk, you open the car door, stomping your way out of the vehicle. Wasting no time, you sprint into the entrance with a slight stumble in your step and are immediately greeted by dancing bodies. It wasn’t any different than that other day – if anything, busier. The noise was so loud you could stop yourself from thinking for once. You brush past the lively bodies without a care, yet there is a small warmth with each touch of flesh that has you inhaling repeatedly.
Trance.
There is a joy of being here. You hadn’t wiped the scars of mascara off your face, your hair was a mess from you pulling on it. And your dress felt even lighter than before as you stepped onto the dance floor. The atmosphere was blinding, and you had come here to be filled with its addictive ignorance. How sweet it is to not taste the bitter reality.
It was slow at first. You weren’t in rhythm with anyone, but then again when had you ever been. Spanning your arms out, you brought them above your head as you twirled once, twice – a few times. Every second you unraveled yourself, closing your eyes as your heels glided along the dance floor and you shook and turned. Swung and twist.
You wanted to lose all your energy here. Everything had to melt away.
With every move you made, your mind became light headed, stars amongst your seams exploded and the fast pace of the universe seem to lull. So, softly, you fluttered your lids open.
The first thing you saw were the bright neon green lasers, traveling across the dance floor from the ceiling. Then you notice how the whole floor had slowed, the laughing, the screaming, the motioned limbs. Everyone around you had begun moving along your timeline, your pace – the slow dance with life for the very first time. Somehow the music had lost all it’s upbeat fervor and your ears echoed a blue ambiance in its place. You felt drunk even though you took mere ounces of liquor.
Numb, you were more numb thank drunk. Your movements were sluggish and your mind in a deep haze. This is what it feels like to be high on grief. While your eyes were roaming the dance floor, they landed on someone. There was a girl, around 10 feet away from you, who caught your attention, you’re not sure why. Nothing seemed unordinary about her – not her short dress, nor her pretty face. The club was full of that. She dances as lethargic as the figures around her. What you kept staring at was the necklace she wore, the pure silver being the only color you could see on her as the darkness of the club muted all other colors.
But the second a citrus scent fills the air around you, she is long forgotten. You turn back in front of you to see him.
He, who stood a good 5 feet ahead, taller than Jimin. He, who wore an expensive suit with a colorful scarf tied around his long neck. Dusky hair and sharp eyes, a slight tan and fixed stare. It was in that moment time come to a complete halt. Just you and him, even breathing and secret heartbeats. His face tilted to the side, a smirk present on his inviting lips. You blinked leisurely.
“Nice to see you again, baby.” He said in his deep, sexy voice
You recognized his voice.
Who could forget it?
The stall door slammed open as your body was pushed inside. For the first few seconds your breath was knocked out of you, just to fit into his mouth once again.
“Mmm-ah-”
His mouth was hot, heavy and wet. The middle of your spine shivered, sending a cursing sensation all throughout your body as you held onto his arms. The warmth of his shoulders kept you giddy, your face tilting to allow his tongue in further. His grip on your hips was tight, his fingers dangerously lurking your ass. You blushed as you felt your chest pressed up against.
He bit your lip and you gasped, your fingers treading into his hair as you tilted your head back. His lips kiss down your jaw, onto your neck as you moan loudly. The air was immense, the four walls of the stall closing in on you and you didn’t care one bit. You wanted to be swallowed. After nipping the soft skin of your neck, he looks up, into your eyes.
As you stare into the endless abyss by your own glossy orbs, you could swear there was no one more beautiful.
He smirks yet again, making you clench. His thigh parts your legs as his warm hand travels along your hip line before he grabs your dress. Pulling up the light fabric, you feel his hot fingers on your bare skin. You try to hold back your voice but fail miserably as you whimper, holding onto to him tightly. Softly, his hand caresses your thigh, tender and slow. You close your eyes, your brows knitting in what you think was frustration and you hear him chuckle.
God, that voice of his.
The air is knocked out of you as his fingers land on that sweet, sweet spot. Your eyes opening to find his intense stare.
“You’re so wet, fuck.” He huffs, fondling you over your panties
Unable to properly respond, you blush. Biting your lower lip before you begin to rub yourself on him. You’ve never done that before. Taken control of the situation that is.
“Shit.” He mutters, staring you down as you shamelessly stroke yourself against him. Your freedom didn’t last long as he snakes an arm around your back, your chest crashing into his and his long digits slam into your core.
“Ah!” You grab onto his arms as he scissors your insides.
“Fuck, baby,” He grunts, his low voice making you tremble, “You haven’t been fucked properly for a long time now, have you?”
His dirty words cause you to clench, curses once again slipping out of his mouth, “I’m gonna change that tonight – shit. I’ll fuck you so good, fill your nice and pretty cunt with my cum.”
You couldn’t say anything, lips trembling and back arching as his elongated fingers fucked into you, reaching such a depth that had you weak in the knees. Thankfully his hold was tight.
“You want that baby? You want to be stuffed with my dick? I bet I’d slip in so – fuck – so easily, I bet I’d cum right away, what do you think baby?”
“Nn- oh, yes-” It slipped out, as his pace became faster, harder and you wanted to thank whoever created him for his blessed fingers. They were much longer than Jimin.
…
Jimin?
…Jimin.
In an instant your eyes shot open, “N-no!”
The guy made out a ‘huh?’ Before you pushed him away with all your strength. His back collided with the right stall wall, as you used the left one to stand up properly.
You suddenly become all too aware of the ring encasing your finger on your trembling hands. The warm atmosphere now defeated by a scorching heat. Your eyes became cloudy as images of your husband flashed through your mind. The man you swore your soul to, the man who you came home to, his smile, his love. What the hell were you doing? You were married! Married! How could you-
“H-hey? Are you alright? Was it something I said?”
The man reaches out for you, causing you to jump.
“No!” You shout again, your loud voice echoing the stalls. His eyes fill with worry and the guilt threatens to spill out your throat. Did he know you were married? How would he feel about that? What were you doing? WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!
You were wheezing without any cause. The air in your lungs felt painful, throat sore and breaths ugly. Panic…you were having a panic attack. The walls were closing in and the light of the restroom gave you a pounding headache.
“I-I’m sorr-” You manage to choke out before running out of the stall, not even daring to look back.
You ran and ran and ran. Pushing away from the heavy bodies littering your way. Sobs of pain left you, but no one even cared to look. This wasn’t what you wanted from tonight – you wanted to forget Jimin, not become him. Yet you can never forget how you reacted to that stranger, how sensitive your body was to someone who wasn’t your husband. Tremendous shame and guilt travel up your neck like parasites. Your eyesight had become blurry, all the overwhelming lights meshed together, and you couldn’t even see anymore. All that was guiding you was the reminder to get out of this loud place.
And it was then that you bumped into someone.
“___? Hey, are you alright? ___?”
A frantic voice, and grip on your arms pulls you back to reality. For a moment you just heave as he shakes you softly, grip firm and protective. Slowly, your eyes begin to clear and breathing slows. There you see Yoongi and you, standing near the entrance hall of Cypher Road.
“Y-Yoon…gi?” You mutter, out of air
“Fuck, ___, what happened to you?” Yoongi shouts, his eyes widened in concern
“You lied to me Yoongi…” You mutter
“…What?”
“You lied to me!” You cry, pulling him off of you, “You t-told me…” Your voice breaks, tears filling your eyes, “You said he did nothing but fool around with his friends…YOU LIED!!!”
The anger in your voice has him putting up his hands in concern. “W-what do you mean-”
“In there!” You scream, pointing at the dance floor, “In your precious club – is a girl with a necklace!”
“A…necklace?” Yoongi squints in confusion, his head turning back and forth between you and the dance floor.
“A fucking necklace!” You roar as he winces, “A necklace…similar to the one Jimin wore some time ago…”
“___, there are plenty of ways she could’ve gotten that necklace, maybe she-“
“No!” You interrupt him, shaking your head vigorously, “That’s what I say! Those are the excuses I make! ...But not this time. Not when I recognize that special custom-made J pendant on her neck…”
You began to cry, hot fat tears rolling down your cheeks as your throat starts to close in.
“I-I could…couldn’t even see her face…I don’t even know what s-she looks like…” Taking a deep breath, you bring your hand to your mouth in embarrassment, “Yet I know her…because she wore my husband’s necklace so proudly. Like she owned it…owned him.”
Yoongi stares at you, at loss at what to say. The people around you gave glances and strange looks time to time. But still…no one cares long enough to stay.
“___...just calm d-”
“NO!” You scream again, cringing at the strain in your voice. “I won’t! I won’t calm down! I have every right to be angry!”
“I know that!” Yoongi yells cautiously, “I understand that-”
“No you don’t– No one does! No one knows how it feels to be in my position, no one- Or else you wouldn’t have lied to me!”
“You think I had a choice? You think I wanted to purposely lie to the woman who was staring at the ground a thousand feet below her like her only way out?”
“Just-” You bring your hands up, a sudden wave of exhaustion pouring over you, “I’m so, so tired…I’m so tired of being lied to, Yoongi. Please…please leave me alone.”
“__-” Before he could say another word you were rushing down the hall, out of the building. He stared at the exit you left from a bit too long, the bright neon of the sign hurting his eyes. Everyone else danced on, carefree, around him. His husband always told him this job would be his wolfsbane.
And he was right as usual.
As he’s debating whether to chase after you, a call of his name interrupts his concentration.
“Hy- fuck, Yoongi hyung!” The pale faced man turns around to see the youngest of his pack shoving through multiple bodies in disdain. The taller man rushes up to him, breathing heavily, with a worried gaze.
“Taehyung?” The older asks with concern laced in his tone. What the fuck was happening? “What’s the matter?”
“S-she was…do you know where the girl who was just with you went? She was right here! The one with the red dress…soft demeanor…?”
Yoongi straightened up as Taehyung described you,
“How do you know ___?”
You sat at the edge of your world in silence. The winds of tomorrow’s past blew past you, your hair in rhythm with the fast-paced clouds above. For the moment, you would have preferred silence, but that was not a sentiment the city shared with you. Cars, honking, muttered chatter, you could hear it all. Passing through your ears like an afterthought. Your feet dangled as you held your heels in your hand. What were you thinking of showing up to that anniversary dinner?
What ever made you think Jimin would stop disappointing you?
As you stared at the glass structures you sighed, you always ended up back at the same place. The same kind of city, the same rain, the same broken heart. Perhaps the universe really was trying to tell you something.
A quiet hum stained your body, Keeping you sane from your sadness. It was crazy really, how many questioned can be answered in a day. With a deep breath, you reach out to into the night, stretching your arm. Hand laid flat against the air for a few seconds before you clasped it shut – as if grabbing something. What were you desperately searching for in the night?
Your husband? Your life? Your childhood?
Your happiness.
“Thought I might find you here…”
It was routine then, the sudden loud beating of your heart. Your widened eyes, your frozen physique. The shaky exhale.
…
“I…tried to find you downstairs…in the apartment…but you weren’t there…”
Jimin.
You can hear him walk towards you. And you could imagine it, hands in pocket, the wind blowing through his hair, his relaxed stance and clear eyes. It had been too long…so long, just a couple days felt like years. It felt like something grabbed onto your heart, so tight you couldn’t breathe. You were too scared to turn. To look him in the eye.
But you did anyway.
And you just knew the universe hated you. It was him. It was him. It was him. His ethereal face filled with a halo no one could replicate. He was God’s most beautiful creature. How spiteful your creator must have been.
It was him. You wanted to reach out to him.
He stared at you, reading your eyes as you read his. But you both had stopped understanding each other’s language a long time ago.
You both waited for the other to speak. Yet for some reason, you wanted this silence to last forever.
“…How have yo-”
“Did you fuck her?” You ask, your voice immediately breaking. His face turned pale. “When I trusted you…and waited for you…”
He looked away, mouth shutting and eyes squinting.
You had dreamt of this scenario a thousand times, and in each one you never came off this strongly. So, what were you doing right now? Why did you feel so guilty?
“You fucked her…did it feel good? Are you happy now that you’ve emptied your dick?” There was so much fury in each of your words, but you enjoyed watching him squirm. You didn’t even know half these words were in your vocabulary. “How has she been for the past week? Why did you even come, JIMIN? I waited, and waited, and waited in the pain of the unknown. All while you got your dick wet…And I always do that Jimin…I’m so stupid, aren’t I?
He says nothing.
“Tell me I’m stupid!” You slam a palm on the ledge, “Because you really make me feel that way! And for what?”
The tears you hold back wrapped themselves around your neck, making you struggle to get your words out. You wanted him to feel as hurt as you did.
“What have I done Jimin? What did…I do to you?” Breathing was becoming hard, your lips quivering as you stared at the beautiful somber devil. “All I did was love you, so why? Why do you t-treat me like this?”
It must have been an illusion of either your river-filled eyes or the bleak night because for a second you thought you saw despair and guilt inside him.
“I broke myself apart to try and fit into your world. Became happy for you, always did what you wanted, never questioned you-fuck I would’ve even had children if it meant you would stay with me…”
“God, I’m so stupid!” You roar, grasping fistfuls of your hair and pulling at it, “Here I was trying to be better, here I was thinking that those three girls had something I didn’t but that wasn’t it at all! M-Mina didn’t have lipstick on that night. She couldn’t have marked your shirt…but someone else did! Isn’t that right Jimin?”
You turn back to him, eyes wide and head pounding. “I thought there were only three girls…but there are many, many more aren’t there? I thought Jessica was the first time, but it wasn’t was it?”
Jimin finally looks up at you, and you realize you never said anything about Jessica. He didn’t know you knew.
“You’d been cheating on me…since the beginning…haven’t you? Here I thought I must have done something wrong after marriage…but I’ve been your plaything throughout this whole affair, haven’t I?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. You slowly lower your arms, face and body still in shock.
“I’m so stupid Jimin…I felt special for a while…I’m so stupid…aren’t I?”
His face twitches, but his thoughts remain a mystery. You watch quietly as he closes his eyes, a soft exhale leaving his lips. It was too painful to keep staring at him, at the man you once loved more than anything. So you looked back at the sky, pleading for a chance to redo every single event since before you met.
“Jimin…” You whisper, voice pleading. Your sanity was on the brink and you wanted to be pulled in before you fell over. “Tell me I’m not stupid.”
“I’m letting you go, ___.”
You really hated yourself in that moment. Your name coming out of his mouth felt so good, you almost didn’t hear the first part.
Almost.
“I have to let you go.”
And the first tear falls. Sliding down your cheek easily before the next one leaks. You close your eyes, letting the pain wash away at you for the first time in a while. The fall was long, you could feel the emptiness surround you. For a second it felt like flying, unobstructed and liberated.
“…”
“This has gone…beyond my control…___. I didn’t know what I was thinking, I just...” He looks at you, but you kept yourself inside your head. Arms numb and brain empty. “…I acted on impulse…I thought I knew what I wanted…I thought it was…”
You
“You are right…I have been cheating on you for a long time now…I never loved you…I just kept this charade on for as long as I could. And I don’t know why because I don’t love you…I d..d-don’t.”
That’s what you needed to hear, right? Just like that? Everyone’s been telling you this is better for you, haven’t they? So why are all your words stuck in your throat.
“I’ll go back to T…my friend for now…I’ll be back to pack up my stuff in the next few weeks.”
And with that he gives you one last glance before he turns. That was it, that was his whole explanation. What exactly had you expected? Why the FUCK did you keep expecting? You wanted to call out to him, your heart jumping out of your chest and latching onto his turned back. But instead of uttering a single peep, you listen to his footsteps all the way back to the door.
You listen as he touches the door knob. You listen as he twists it and pulls the door open slightly. All you do is listen when you can feel him hesitate, turning around to look at you.
For the strangest reason you remember the day you met him. That bright day, the soft wind and cherry blossoms. His bright smile and angel eyes, your innocent mind and open heart. It replays in your memory like your life flashing before your eyes. The wind picks at your toes and your body itches, yearning for something you couldn’t comprehend.
So much has changed since. This isn’t the same day, the same wind. There are no cherry blossoms, or smiles or innocence. You both are different now.
This was your chance to call out to him. To jump off this ledge and into his arms. But you just sat there. Listened as he turned back and left. And it was just you and the wind once more. The door closing felt like the cover of a book closing, that this was the end.
And against the fast-paced wind that night, you accepted your defeated.
There were no books out today…
That much you could tell as you stared at the small desk between the couches, dozing off as the sunlight from the large window behind hit your face.
Much like you, she also stared. At the distance in your eyes, the iris dim and face unreadable. There were many things she wanted to ask, many holes she wanted to poke. But she remained as restrained as her profession taught. For she knew the signs of unapproachable person at first glance, having read them countless of times over.
Yet she couldn’t have you stay quiet the whole time.
“Is everything alright?” Lin spoke meticulously
You didn’t answer.
She sighed, studying you as she shifted. What could she do right now to make you talk? You’ve been so quiet these past 3 weeks, almost like you didn’t exist. Last week you never showed up, Lin couldn’t help overthinking and dial your emergency contact – Irene, who dragged you over here in frustration.
You had told her about Jimin, lifelessly stating everything that happened as if facts about your life that hold no meaning to you. She knew how much pain you were in, but your reaction to despair was abnormal since crying was the body’s healing method. It’s a healthy way to process emotion. Then the next week you became silent, were a no-show last week and didn’t speak a word today either. Lin had consulted Irene, who said Jimin had been coming over, taking more and more of his stuff which helped the therapist understand a bit more.
You were mirroring your safe space, becoming as hollow as your apartment was.
“___, please you have to talk to me. Just for a bit, alright? I can help you.”
“Do you ever…” Her thoughts were interjected as you spoke up quietly. She was instantly all ears. “Do you ever…want to redo life? If you could start all over again, without any of your mistakes…would you?”
Lin stared at you for a while. Your expression did not change, you continued to glare a hole through her desk.
“Well…that’s a difficult question ___. Even though a part of me wants to erase the mistakes I might have made… I think it’s important to have the knowledge of those mistakes…why I made them…what I can learn from them…etcetera…”
“Well what mistakes did I make?” You say softly, looking at Lin in her pretty brown eyes. “What kind of mistakes have I made…that I still – to this day – have learned nothing from?”
You were trying to hide it, but she could see it as clear as day. The barrage of emotions you tried to conceal in your pupils. “Why am I getting constantly punished and learning nothing?”
“Why?” You plead, throwing a palm over your head and slouching down in your hair, “Why should I always be the person in pain? I’m so, so, so sad and I can’t change that even though I want to!”
“Trust me L-Lin, I want to change so desperately, I want to! I want to crawl out of my skin and find a new body because everything hurts but I can’t leave me…I can’t leave me, I c-can’t leave even though he can…I can’t leave even though she can… but I can’t, I CAN’T!
“..and you know what hurts the most?” You ask her, to which she does not respond. “What hurts is that he left me…like I was the one who did something wrong.”
“…He left me.”
It falls dead silent after your outburst. The only sound echoing the room was of your steady breathing.
“W…why do they get to walk away whenever they want after everything they’ve done?”
Lin breathes out tenderly, her eyes on the glass table and the reflection of the sun behind. In moments like this, she wishes she really had all the answers for her patients. She really does.
“By she…do you possibly mean-”
“My mother.” You mumble. “The one person in the world that was supposed to love me unconditionally…the one who threw me away like a discarded doll…”
Lin blinks slowly. “It can be very difficult to deal with the trauma and pain from a parent who abandons you…” After deliberating for a bit, she speaks up, “Tell me ___, why do you think you’ve given your all to every authority figure in your life?
You sit back up after a shaky exhale. Nothing comes to mind, except Jimin’s smile. Life was exhausting.
“Be…because…”
Lin nods, encouraging you to go on.
“I wanted them to love me.”
“And why did you think being perfect at everything, work, household chores, unconditional love, would get you their love.”
“B…because…I don’t know…”
“Hmm, can you tell me the first time you noticed someone’s reaction to you being ‘perfect.’ A child hood memory perhaps?”
After thinking about it for a while, you nod.
“...When I was…in the first grade…I got an A on my math exam. I was the only kid and…and the teacher called my mom to tell her I got an A. I didn’t want to bother her so I didn’t do it. And…my mother…she smiled at me for the first time that day.”
You could sense Lin’s soft smile.
“So I tried to get more As but I guess she got used to it. When Jimin…when I would blush or be openly smitten with him…there was a twinkle in his eye. One I could never get out of my head. And I tried…so hard.” You close your eyes, “So hard to keep that twinkle alive even when I was dying inside…but I guess…even he got used to it.”
Opening your eyes, you look at your therapist. “That’s why I did it. So they could love me.”
You become quiet, playing with your fingers as Lin stare at you. Her mind was in deep thought.
“___,” Lin sighs after a while, “You know that I can’t tell you to not be upset… you have every right to feel whatever you feel because what they did to you caused you great pain…but I think it’s time you learned how to love yourself. And for that we need to address the root cause of your issues.”
“My mother?”
“Your mother.”
You nod, contemplating what she said. Learning to love yourself? That was a concept so foreign to you. Could it really help you understand yourself? What could you possibly gain from it, what was there to love about you? Right now, you just wanted to sleep forever. Forget you exist at all.
Existence is a pain itself.
Maybe you should confront the cause of your existence then.
“Trust me ___.” Lin speaks, catching your gaze, “You deserve better. You deserve to love yourself.”
Oh, you just cracked the puzzle.
She had aged.
Your mom, who was always so tall. To you, she stood over all the towering counters and tables and light switches. Compared to her, you were tiny. Someone who always had to look up at her, stretching your neck and straining your eyes. At her, who easily touched things you could only wish to reach.
She looks so small now. Wrinkles skin deep, frown lines too permanent. She, who was once the tallest person in your naïve, 5-year-old eyes. Someone you thought would always look as young, as beautiful.
As cold.
You watch her, face trained to be still. Her posture was demure, lips sat motionless and eyes downcast. She wore a light earthy dress, full sleeves and prim collar…which was so very her. It was strange to you, how at one moment you wanted her to look at you more than anything. To acknowledge you.
But today you were content in studying her with a passive gaze.
“How have you been?” She begins quietly. You stare at her, then glance at her fidgeting hands in her lap.
The atmosphere was dim, a bit too lull for a restaurant during lunch time. Maybe you were suppressing the chatter and clatter, to focus on her. Again, how fitting.
“…I’ve been well.” I have not. “How about you?”
“Good.” She replies softly, staring at her steaming tea in interest.
You sigh, your shoulders moving up and down along with your breath. What were you expecting? This is a person you hadn’t seen in 3 years. Why would she suddenly be interested in you? Why should you be in her?
At that moment, you hear small laughter reach your ear. You turn toward the appealing sound, not sure why you wanted to find its source. Yet once you took it in, you understood. It was a child. A mother, and her small child. The lady was not much older than you, wearing a blue-green dress as she fed her daughter dress in pink a small piece of the steak she ordered. They seemed happy, content in the small moment they shared, and you couldn’t help but smile at them.
What a fantasy they were living, you hope they knew how lucky they were. Everyone seems to be luckier than you. For a while you felt like a kid staring through the window of a candy shop. Tsk, how ridiculous.
“I…I’m glad you are well…”
You turn back to the fragile sound of that voice. “It…I was happy to get your call…and you suddenly asking to meet me. I felt nervous…I don’t know why.”
Surprise was well written on your face at her words. This was not what you were expecting.
“And I…” She coughs as if her voice was raspy. “How have you been? H-how’s Jimin? I hope he’s taking care of you.”
She smiles then. A slight, delicate smile as she looks you in the eyes. This is not what you were expecting. Not from the woman who’s only given you cold shoulders when you’ve asked for warm arms.
All you could think about was how she was never home for your birthday and the one time she was, you overheard her call it just another rest day on the phone with her coworker. All you could remember was asking her if she would come to your recital and she never showed, so you just sat there after the choir concert watching all the other kid take pictures and receive flowers from their family. All you could call upon was the time she forgot to feed you for almost a week, which was what made you begin cooking.
And for some reason, unbeknownst to you, you utter the thorn pressing against your brain.
“Jimin left.”
Her smile takes a second to drop. The color of her face wearing off as her eyes widen. Jaw parting as she looks at you, like a worried, petrified mother. It almost made you laugh.
“W…What?”
Concern laced her tongue and you felt anger as a natural reaction. This wasn’t it – it wasn’t how you were expecting this to go. The person you remember, the person instilled into your core would have sighed in disappointment. Gave you a cold look and a wintery frown. Told you she warned you. Why was she suddenly acting this way?
“_-”
“H-he left mom.” You say, your voice choking up, “You were right, once again. He left me, just like you said. Aren’t you happy?”
You spit the question with venom, your eyes welling up.
“___.” She repeats in that same pitiful tone. It sparked more fury inside of you.
“Aren’t you happy?!” You ask a little louder, the neighboring tables giving you a glance. “I’ll be signing divorce papers soon. You were right all along!”
“N-no, no.” She shakes her head, seeming as distraught as you. Who was this person in your mother body? Wearing your mother’s face.
“What, why?” You sneer, “Have I done something to upset you again, like I don’t know ask for some fucking food?”
“___, no. Oh my God, no.” She was crying.
It was getting hard to see as you shook in your seat. The weight of the world felt like it was on your shoulder. And as you stared at the weeping lady in front of you, you felt like a child again. A child who hid under the bed, crying because of the thunder. Desperately wanting her mother to come home. But she never came.
“I hate you.” Your tough voice broke, “I hated you so much…I never knew how much I hated you until I found Jimin…even if his love was fake at least he acted like he cared. Why couldn’t you just fucking act?”
She begins to tremble. Fuck.
“I know…how much dad hurt you, but why did you have to hurt me? I needed you. I needed you, mom. I spent every single day trying to live up to what I thought were your expectations, I thought I had to earn your love. I thought-” You take a moment, shutting your eyes and feeling the aching beat of your heart. “I thought if I was the perfect child- if I didn’t cause you trouble, if I was quiet and stayed out of trouble y-you would at least smile my way. And still you didn’t…all of my accomplishments, all of the things I so hard worked for vanished just like that…”
“Tell me…why did you…abandon me?” You look at her and for the first time something feels different, although your heart continues to constrict. She looks so small in her light earthy dress, straining her shoulders and shaking her head.
“I am so sorry ___. I am so, so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, ___. I am so sorry.”
“But more than you I hate myself.” You continue, ignoring the sear of pain on her face with every word. “I hate that I can never be perfect for anyone, I hate that I can’t have a normal conversation without second guessing everything. I can’t even ask someone for help without having a mild panic attack! Did you know that? I hate how I am so sad and weak all the fucking time. I hate me, I hate me.”
“___, please, please don’t say that. Please.”
“Why, huh? So you can pretend to have a normal daughter, if you want to pretend I even exist today-”
“NO!” She screams making you silent. You could hear the whispering of the tables around you, but you pay it no mind. They were the lucky ones, they wouldn’t understand. “So you don’t turn out like me.”
“…What?”
She exhales deeply, her face morphed into anguish, “I never wanted you to be like me, ___. Never. Y-your father made so many promises to me, told me he loved me so much. I was a shy, quiet conservative woman who fell into his trap. Then one day he just got up and left. A-and I was so stuck I didn’t know what to do! No one taught me how to raise a child, I had no guidance, no family and barely any money.”
You listen to her silently. The air was thick and her breathing rapid. For some reason you really wanted to dry her tears.
“A-And then you w-were born. B-but every time I looked at you…I remembered what your father did. I remembered that I never wanted a child. I remembered that because of you…I couldn’t go anywhere and do anything, and I was trapped in the same damned town for the rest of my miserable days. I was so lonely and ashamed…I couldn’t hate you though…I tried but you were so small and fragile I just couldn’t. Yet it was easy to pretend you didn’t exist. So, I did just that…to help me cope, I pretended you weren’t there. That I never met a man like your father and he never betrayed me…”
She looks at her hands, “But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have have…but I realized it too late…when you already met Jimin…”
You tense.
“Since the start…he reminded me of your father, and it terrified me. I was so scared for you, and I tried to get you not to marry him. But you hated me, and it was all my fault. You sought for the love I couldn’t give you so desperately, that it was easy for you to fall victim to someone who wanted to take advantage of you. I prayed for you…for your relationship every day, I wanted to be wrong so bad…I did ___.” She looks up at you with a frantic gaze. “I never wanted you to be like me, never ever. I did so many horrible things to you. I’m so sorry ___. I’m so sorry. I know you can never forgive me, and that will live with me for the rest of my days.”
Your mom looks back down. Her expression empty and tears still. It seems like she let out all she wanted to say and now she was a ghost. There was nothing in her…nothing. She reminded you of herself, which is why you said the next words.
“I can’t forgive you…” You speak softly and she winces. “The young me…can’t forgive you. The one who was subjected to your neglect. The innocent child striving for a mere ounce of love and affection. The part of me that you disregarded every day until even I questioned if I existed. I can’t.”
She physically deflated, as if agreeing with your sentiments.
“But-” You interrupt her acceptance, “The me now…the me growing and changing and evolving every single day. The me who’s learned to be happier…who’s learning how to find herself and converse with others…the me who has learned to heal…that me. I…can forgive you.”
And you watch her as she takes a moment. Looking up at you like a star just exploded.
“I can forgive you, mom.”
The next moments were a blur. She seemed extremely please, beyond ecstatic and you felt for her. Especially when she cried like a baby, and you think she was the child now. You mother was the small one now, the one who needed your love. And you weren’t going to be someone who repeats her mistakes. Everything you said to her was true. You could forgive her now. It would take some time, but strangely you understood her.
If Jimin left you with a child, you would have the hardest time acknowledging it. All the pain you would feel could be unintentionally directed at it. You were so glad you weren’t in her shoes. They were bigger than you could imagine. As you breathe out, you feel it all leave you. The resentment you’ve held onto for years. The resentment that grew too heavy for you to carry.
It was lifted off your back and you could breathe again. There were traces of bitterness left, staining the deepest corners, but you will work on washing them out.
“I…know it’s too late…but I will try to be better ___.” She looks at you with her swollen eyes. It was as of you were staring at your reflection.
“I think you already are.” You say with a smile, directed more to yourself.
You really were your mother’s daughter.
_
It was silence once again.
A screaming silence, that woke your inner most core as you step into the vacant apartment. You were so tired. The meeting with your mom ran longer than you thought and now you just wanted to drown into your bed. Taking off your coat, you hang it by the rack before changing into your slippers. Without a second thought, you bee line for your bed room ready to sleep today off.
But you halt in your tracks as you notice something on the dining table a few feet from you. A stack of white papers. You look around you, as if searching for someone before you look back at the table once again. It had been a few weeks since that night. Jimin would come by when you weren’t around, take more of his stuff and leave. Half of you was wondering why he was taking his sweet time and torturing you…the other half was yearning for as much time with him as possible.
With a defeated sigh, you slowly make your way to the dining table. Every single inch of this space had so many memories attached to it. Each step felt like reliving it all again. Once you bump into a dining chair, you can read the letters as bold as day.
Divorce papers.
Oh.
Jimin was working quicker than you thought. You expected his, but not this soon. It hit you then. That you didn’t realize how real of this was until this very moment, as you reread those big black letters in the stiffest font. This was real, it was happening.
Jimin was finally going to leave you.
That’s right, he gets to leave. While you were stuck washing out the resentment.
So, you let out a breathless laugh. One after the other until you were full on laughing at the situation. Oh my God, you tried so hard and for what? You tore yourself up and for who? There was nothing left of you, you gave it all away and what did that get you in return.
You were so crazy stupid, it was insane. You actually apologized when Jimin cheated on you. You forgave him multiple times. You starved yourself, you loathed yourself, you killed the young girl just wanting honest love and respect inside of you. And you cried until your eyes broke and you’re crying now.
You’re crying for the girl who once stood in that mirror, pinching every ounce of her skin till it bruised. Scourging herself for never being good enough. You’re crying for your lost dignity, handing it to someone with clumsy hands you thought were loyal. You’re crying at how you lost who you were, not only in the longest seven years of your life, but ever since you were born. You’re crying because that’s all you ever did for you.
How different life would have been if your mother had taught you how to love yourself? If her mother had taught her how to love herself? If the men in your lives didn’t continue to ravage you of all you could offer. It felt like some sort of curse.
Which is why you fell to the floor to let it all out. The tremendous pain and grief that built over the years, the horrible conditions of your body and mind. Every single pore had to leak, only then you would truly be free.
You’re crying because you wasted your life away. You’re crying because you treated yourself this way, when you didn’t deserve anything but love, trust, and honesty.
You’re crying because you learned too late of what – who you should have loved.
You were crying because your book wasn't written by you, but by somehow who couldn’t care less about you.
You are crying because of what is and what isn’t.
And trust me when I say, you’re crying for the last time.
_
You woke up today and the ache was still there, that mind numbing helpless feeling of isolation.
But instead of that horrible drilling pain to the brain, it was a small tremor in the back of your head. And for the most part, you could ignore it. Sauntering down the hall with your many files, you stop in front of the large wooden door and stare at the name plaque. The morning air felt fresh. Maybe that was why you took so many deep breaths. And another one, before knocking on the door.
“Come in.” You hear an easy-going voice and you open the heavy door carefully.
“Ah! ___, I was just about to call you! Great job at that meeting by the way, you really wowed the investors.”
Your boss sat relaxed at the front of the vast room, in the middle of her bulky brown desk like some sort of royal.
“Thank you.” You smile, stepping into her large office. The air was cooler in here and a shiver ran down your spine at the sudden chill that intruded your light purple blouse. Your skin erupted in small goosebumps, both from the temperature and the sights of your grinning boss.
Not that you didn’t want to see it, you were just so unsure of what to do when it would inevitably fade at the news you were about to share. It’s what you’ve been scarred of from your whole life, the thought of disappointing an authority figure. But seeing as how two-thirds of them disappointed you instead, you really could not care anymore at this point.
She watches you pace your way up to her desk, small inquisitiveness in her wide set eyes.
“Did you have something for me?” She asks, pointing to the files in your hand with her gaze.
“Oh, these-” You put down the big stack of gray folders in front of her, “This is just something you have to look over.”
“I see. And what about that?”
Your grip tightens around the envelope in your now empty hands. “T…This is…my resignation letter.”
Her stare shifts from the envelope to you, mouth parting to display her surprise.
“Resignation?”
Throughout your life you always thought your body was a strange one. The length of the reactions you felt had to be abnormal, you continuously believed it. Do others feel this cold when they are alone? Do others feel this upset at the sun for rising? Do they feel the deep ache of the tragic finale that was the last 7 years? You sure did. But you still got up, you still made it out of that wretched house that was too bare to bear, and you kept it moving. And to you, that’s what matters.
There was so much thinking you did last night, so many thoughts flew in and around your head. You wonder how others reflect back on their life. What regrets do they swallow, what makes them laugh the loudest? What parts do they cry the hardest and who do they miss?
You couldn’t tell, you’d only been you the past 7 years. It was useless to sonder. So you didn’t, instead you thought about who you were. On that cold floor of the house you cemented with your naïve heart, tears dried by the very air you hated, you thought about the past seven years.
And the past 4 months.
The rooftop, the club, the people in your life, the people not, the heart break, the longing. You had always been analytical, and it was safe to say you had found the answer you sought.
It was funny how the answer became so clear once you only thought about yourself, obscuring yourself from other’s needs for the very first time.
“Yes.” You state undoubtedly, cold long forgotten. “I’m resigning.”
Another sigh as you leave the room. But this one was of relief. Although a bit upset at losing her best employee, she had taken the news surprisingly well. She even encouraged you when you told her what you were planning to do after this. Irene would be glad to hear that.
Although the pain was there, it didn’t have a hold on you anymore. You wouldn’t allow it to.
“There you are!” You hear, jumping in your spot as your palm was still on your boss’ door handle.
As you look up, a handsome young man with bunny-esque features jogs up to you. His left arm was behind his back, concealing something from your vision. All you could focus on was the strain it caused his muscles.
“I was looking for you,” He comes up close and you could hear his rapid breathing. His lavender scent gentle invades your space. You look at him curiously, watching the way his face falls as he realizes where you stood, “Hey, were you meeting the CEO? You’re not in trouble, are you?”
The fact that he seemed genuinely concerned made you laugh. “I’m not.”
He exhales a sigh of relief. “Thank God, didn’t want you getting fired for being in love with me.”
For the longest time you had been avoiding him. Ever since thinking of him in that way, you ran away from wherever you spotted him. Yet you had forgotten how easy-going he was. How effortlessly he made you laugh.
“Pfft, please.” You scrunch your nose, “You’re a goofball.”
He just stares at you, a wide smile present on his face. Tilting your head to the side, you squint at him.
“What’s the matter?”
“N-nothing, you just…seem different today…from last time I mean.”
“In a bad way?”
“No!” He shouts flustered, “I-in g- a good way! You seem relaxed.”
You break out into a laugh. He really was the brightest employee. It was a shame you didn’t get to spend more time with him.
“Thank you.” You say, as you watch him blush fondly. “I feel different. Relaxed, I guess.”
I’m no longer cold.
His gaze travels down, as if he had something he wanted to say. Your eyebrow quirks at him when you remember he still had his arm behind his back.
“What are you hiding?” You ask with a sneaky smirk.
He grins back at you, displaying his large teeth. Biting his bottom lip, he swings his arm out,
“Tah-dah!”
There were suddenly a bundle of white roses in front of you, a gentle scent of freshness blew past you. You subconsciously took a long whiff, the pure layered petals creating a picture-esque image. Once your surprise passed, you were left doubtful.
A part of you had forgotten the bet.
“Roses?”
“Yup.” The man holding the bundle up to your face beamed
Scoffing, you place your hands on your hips. “Are you kidding? You expect me to believe you found roses around the building?
“But I did.” He pouts, and for a second you were ready to blindly believe him. Until you caught ahold of yourself. This lying brat!
“Where exactly did you find these beautifully healthy flowers, hmm? The backwall where even weeds don’t grow?”
“Yes, actually.” He states just as proudly, “I planted them.”
Your eyes widen at his words. “You did what?!”
He moves closer to you, you could feel his breath hitting you as his face was adjacent with yours. “I. Planted. Them.”
“T-that’s…Y-y-you ca-”
“Why not?” He asks with a mischievous glint in his eye, “The bet was to find flowers on the property, it doesn’t matter where they came from. And like you said, there’s some gorgeous land on the backwall.”
Your jaw drops slightly at his reasonings. You wanted to continue arguing but instead you just stood there watching him giggle in the most adorable way.
“You wanted pretty flowers, I got you pretty flowers.” He winks, handing you the roses. “Think of it as a one-month anniversary gift.”
Oh, right. He still thought you were new here.
His naivety makes you burst into laughter, the first genuinely happy expression you’ve made in months. It was mystery at first, but now you knew now why you liked him so much. The youthful nature, the sincerity he displayed was alluring. You didn’t have to be any front you had put up in the past in front of him, instead you were just another person. Someone normal for once.
“Thank you Jungkook.” You laugh as he proudly holds up his nose. Just as your eyes twinkle upon him, you recall upon something suddenly. Reaching into your pocket, you pull out a small piece of paper, your number scribbled on it long ago. Honestly, you couldn’t help but like him.
“Here. You earned it.”
He looks at your hand extending the paper, as your other holds the roses close to your heart. His heart beat quickens at the sight, you were so graceful and effortlessly beautiful, he wanted to know you more and more. Jungkook knew when he first saw you, the traces of a secret battle all across your face. Although he didn’t want to pry, he couldn’t help but let his heart be captured by the silent beauty that shone from you as natural as daylight.
“Thank you.” He mutters, his ears turning red.
While you look at him staring at your digits in awe, you found him to be an absolutely enchanting man. And you wanted him to know that, so you step up to him, softly connecting your lips with his cheek. You could feel him freeze under you, and it made you feel enthralled. It was nice, being in control for once.
“I’ll see you around, Jungkook.”
With that you sauntered down the hall, almost turning the corner before you hear his melodious tone stutter out to you. “T-this Saturday? It’s a date!”
Although surprised, you said nothing, just continuing to walk along the hallway. But you couldn’t help the grin that broke out on your face, thankfully obstructed from him, of course. You felt giddy all the way back to your office. Once you were there, you squealed in glee.
Through your small jumps and smiles, your phone rang, startling you. Already? You thought before checking the caller ID. In a flash your beam dropped, orbs beholding the name anxiously. How did he get your number? With a hasty sigh to calm you nerves, and an oddly guilty feeling, you decidedly answer the call.
“Hello…Yoongi?
Meanwhile, back at your boss’ hallway, a certain bunny boy hadn’t moved an inch. Argh, he felt so stupid. Why did he ask you out so fast? The plan was to first call you, maybe get to know you. But somehow, when you told him you’d see him around, it felt like a goodbye…the forever type. His gut told him he had to act quickly.
You didn’t even respond though…wow he felt dumb. Huffing, he rubs his face with his oversized hands. He didn’t blow it, did he? Should he call you tonight to make sure? Did you even want him to call? Well, obviously, you gave him your number!
As he was faced with a silent moral dilemma, he fails to register a young woman pacing up to him.
“Hello?”
He jumps with a small scream, which has the lady confused. She recognizes him though, he must’ve been one of the new recruits. Yes, the overly enthusiastic one.
“Umm, Mr. Jeon, right? You were just speaking to the supervisor, weren’t you? Can you give her this last gray file for me, please? I forgot to hand it to her.” With that the lady clacks away in a rush.
Jungkook stares at the file. She must have been talking about you. He smiles, thinking this gave him a valid reason to look for you again without seeming like a creep. This time, he’ll be more suave – more stress-free with his methods. This time, he’ll have his answer. The stretchy smile soon disappears, however, once the lady’s words fully register in his mind.
Did she just say supervisor?!
It was subtle really, blink once and you’d miss it.
Jimin softly shut the door behind him, looking into the dim living room he never quite got used to.
Did this place always feel so empty? He thought, staring at the walls with disinterest. He’s never had to be in here alone, he realizes. You were always here to warm the spaces between the loneliness.
But who was here to warm you?
It didn’t matter anymore – you didn’t matter anymore. You had changed, you weren’t the person Jimin agreed to marry. The you now weren’t someone he recognized. Time passes by too fast; he couldn’t keep up with it anymore. That’s why he wanted to end it with you as quickly as he could. Wasn’t it just yesterday he was confronted by you? Was it yesterday when he broke everything off?
He really couldn’t remember.
Oh, but his body sure did. His face grew thinner every day, arms losing the vitality his lithe limbs always presented. It was like his body realized you were leaving him and began a protest of its own. No one from college would recognize the Jimin he was now, the one who started to speak a little less. The one who stiffened his neck and sagged his shoulders. This wasn’t their Jimin.
As he stared off at the dining table, his mind recalls upon that rainy night. Where the distance between you started to grow like poisonous gas. It was the first time he felt the detachment from your side, since before you had always made yourself emotionally and physically available to him. Needless to say, he abhorred it, he hated what you had become. All without understanding the irony.
Jimin was someone who never understood his faults, too busy picking out the mistakes of others. Another thing he slighted in was confrontation, because he’s never been called out. Only when he looked in the mirror recently did he have the worst of days, lashing out at himself, at Tina at his friends and coworkers. Yes, he kept himself quite busy. Everyone was beginning to leave him, and he was getting desperate. Running his hands through his hair, he starts to trudge towards the bedroom. He was exhausted, shifting between work, leaving you and consoling Tina. His scandalous lover wanted to make a life with him, he just wanted to rest, maybe for a month or two. It’s alright though, he could just keep himself in her safety for a while before running off to whatever new toy he found next.
Once he’s inside the bedroom, he freezes involuntarily. The sight of the familiar place had his heart yearning. It made him angry, that feeling of attachment he could possibly have connected to you. You were nothing to him and these days you were a headache to deal with. He gave seven years to you, you should’ve been grateful. Now he just missed the old you, the you who would follow him blindly. Jimin wasn’t made to be questioned.
So why did he feel like puking his guts out onto the floor? Why did it wound him to blink? Face it, the voice inside sneers at him. You love. Someone like her. You’re pathetic.
No, he doesn’t.
Yet he recalls upon another buried memoir. When he first started dating you, he slept with another girl in the same week. That’s what he did to all the girls he ‘dated,’ it turned him on to know people desired even if he was ‘taken.’ It was then as he held the other woman asleep in his arms, you texted him ‘goodnight’ and a bizarre feeling came over him. Guilt. He became so afraid, he ignored you for a week. Until he yearned to see you again. And why exactly should Jimin deny himself of anything he seeks? The same situation occurred a few more times, till it became a habit like alcohol. Although it may burn the next day, in that moment you enjoy the carnal pleasure for what it was. Pleasure.
He would never admit that other women never gave him the same sensation anymore, that you and the vanilla and wholesome sex meant everything to him at some point. Never, ever. Because he didn’t love you. The beating in his head couldn’t convince him otherwise.
In all honesty, he didn’t have an answer himself. Why did Jimin marry you? He didn’t love you…you just asked him about it once. Subtly hinting to marriage when asking him about what his thoughts on it were. Of course, you’d want commitment, every damn bitch wants commitment. And in that moment, he should have shut you down. Should have used his charms to make your place clear to you. Yet he didn’t have it in him to hurt you. Instead he proposed to you the next week, thinking that you’d vanish like the other girls when he made his intentions clear. But why? Why were you the only one different? It wasn’t like he loved you.
He didn’t.
Which is why it was easy for him break it off with you, wasn’t it? So easy, that he hadn’t slept or eaten in days.
He was on the brink, his conscious just needed a little more push to take over.
Jimin wasn’t here for anything big today. Just searching for a custom J pendant he seemed to have lost a while back. Sadly, he didn’t know if it was you or not – he didn’t know where it was at all actually. Maybe he left it here, maybe he left it with another faceless girl he fucked senseless. As soon as he forces himself back to reality, he begins to look around. He was already late today, and you would be home soon…he didn’t want to run into you again.
Cluttering about, a bit staggered from his lack of forte, he steps up to the bedside drawer in one swift motion. He pulls open the drawer, running his fingers through all the items present inside. It was then that he stumbled upon a letter.
Marked with his name.
He couldn’t help but feel curious, drawn to your timid handwriting on the otherwise blank paper. Picking it up, he opens it to find hundreds of words scribbled together. Although the words were slightly messy, there were no mistakes he spotted, leading him to think you must have rewritten the letter a thousand times.
His breath was in his lungs, his feet glued to the floor. Something inside him wanted to put it back – leave it alone, his nauseous gut giving him another warning. But he began to read it anyway. Because why should Jimin be denied from anything he seeks?
Dear Jimin, the letter began and Jimin’s eyebrow twitched.
I’m not sure how to write this. I’ve rewrote it so many times already my wrist hurts. But I do want to tell you all of this, and as I am not the best at conversing my thoughts across, I would rather jot them all down. In hopes that my heart could reach you through them.
I’ve recently done a lot of stuff I never thought were possible for me. I made a friend, I learned a new interest, I took up therapy. There’s so much I want to talk about! But I’ll keep it short. Even through everything I did, I thought of you. Every corner I turned; ever route I took. Somehow, I felt you were on the other side, waiting for me.
No matter what anyone said, it didn’t mean anything to me. Just you, Jimin. And I realized, how much I need you. How I can’t lose you. I lost my mother Jimin, I lost her because I wasn’t perfect, and I know, to you I am not perfect.
But to me, you’re perfect Jimin. Which is why I don’t care what anyone says. I’m scared of coming home lost and cold, I’m scared of losing my home, which is you. I know I haven’t been great to you these past few days and the truth is I was hurt. I was alone and scared, but I should have known...I should have remembered who you are to me.
These past few years I am beyond grateful for. Thank you for spending your days growing old with me. I remember all the little stuff. Like that time, we went to the theater and you ordered too much popcorn and the aftertaste of the butter lasted in your mouth for a week. You always said me kissing you made the taste a bit more bearable. Or what about that time I got malaria and you stayed up for three days with me in the hospital? I have never seen you so scared.
That’s our love, Jimin. Those days mean so much to me, I wish you would remember them.
No person can get between us, Jimin. I won’t allow them. I want to apologize to you; I want to take everything I said back. I’ll be better, Jimin. I’ll remind you why you wanted to marry me.
I’ll be perfect, Jimin.
So, please. Come home to me...darling.
Sincerely, your loving wife.
The door slammed open and shut, breaking him out of his concentration. Jimin was too immersed, he didn’t even notice how much time had passed. All he did know were of the tears that lingered his sockets. With an aching inhale, he practically ran out of the living room to catch you by the entrance. It was like magic then, you were a sight to behold. A most beautiful fairy.
You were in the middle of removing your heels before you noticed Jimin’s presence. It made you halt in your tracks, your hand still carrying your small pumps. He holds you inside his gaze with such intensity, it makes you gulp. What was he doing here? Had he always looked this sick?
…Was he crying?
In moments he was upon you, his strong arms molding around your limbs as he exhales into your neck. You were as stiff as a board, confusion and angst swirling your mind.
“J…Jimin, wha-”
“I love you, ___.”
…
What?
“I love you, I love you ___.” He repeats, moving off you to stare into your eyes. His orbs were bright, glazed but sparkly. All you could do was gape at him.
And in the midst of your shook state, you peak at the letter clasped in his hand.
He follows your gaze, holding up the paper to you.
“Let me explain.” Jimin pleads, seeming sincere for the first time in…forever. “T-that night, our anniversary night, I wanted to come home to you. I really did. But Tina got into my head with and she...she manipulated me. Into thinking I don’t love my own wife! I was so confused, so instead I decided to listen to my carnal desires once again, push you out of my mind the only way I knew how.”
You were still trying to process everything. Why was he here again? “Wha...what?”
He looks sad just then, beyond exhausted like he was on the brink.
“I love you…___. Everyone’s leaving me these days, but you. You were always there for me.”
“…Jimin…”
“___, I…I have been in a lot of pain since I left. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I missed you so much. I never wanted to admit it, I always ran from it. And you were just…always so understanding…that I never looked back at my actions. Never thought what I was doing might hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
It hit you like a truck. Jimin apologized. This was the Jimin you saw that day after Mina. The vulnerable, broken boy.
“You’ve been coming on so strong…I couldn’t handle it. I thought I finally got the chance to break it off with you and be free…but I was wrong. I was wrong. I love you, ___. I don’t know since when but maybe I always had. And being away from you helped me understand that, the agony I felt. The yearning…I never want to leave home again. Your letter helped me understand! You make me a better person, ___.”
Jimin smiles, “So I’ll stay. I’m home ___. Thank you for bringing me home.”
Once again, he wraps you in his hug, ready to end the night with you in his arms. He finally feels free after so long, the spikes slowly removing themselves off his body. You were his energy, he realizes, you would help him get back on his feet. Finally, everything will be okay again, finally he can have you within his pincers once more. How he’s missed the delicious taste of eating you alive.
But as happy as he feels…he couldn’t help notice you weren’t responding.
Slowly, he unwinds from you, muddled. He takes a look at you, you who didn’t make any face. You who weren’t reacting to him the way he always knew you would.
Instead, you just glared.
It was his turn to be flustered, his turn to take a step back and process everything.
“___?”
“I…don’t love you, Jimin.”
Silence. As if you just dropped a bomb. His eyes widen, before squinting at you.
“W-what? Since when?” He almost sounds offended
“Since just now.”
“…What are you saying, ___.” He scoffs, taking your hand in his. You weren’t wearing your ring…again. “You love me.”
“I don’t.” You say more firmly, removing your hand from his. Jimin just stares at his now empty palm in surprise. “I don’t love you Jimin, and I’m not sorry about it.”
When he doesn’t retort, you sigh. “Jimin, did you know…a few days ago…I heard my secretary on the phone…she was talking to her boyfriend.” Looking down at how close your bodies were, you take a step away from him as courtesy, but you fail to regard the way his face grimaced at your distance. “He told her ‘I love you’ and do you know what she said?”
You look back up at him, and Jimin wonders if you were truly asking him for a second. “She told him ‘I know,’ just like that. Almost like she took it for granted, you know. But I didn’t think of it like that…instead I was jealous of her. Because in her mind, she doesn’t have any doubts that her boyfriend loves her. Which is why she’s able to respond so casually like that…he gives her so much love, that she never has to second guess her answer.”
Giving him a moment to register everything you said, you pause for a bit and smile.
“And Jimin…I have never felt that way with you.”
He winces.
“I have always doubted myself, second guessed your love and honesty. I always thought ‘there’s no way he could love me’ and there was nothing you did to convince me otherwise. But do you know Jimin? Do you know how many times you’ve said, ‘I know’ when I told you how much I love you?”
“_...” His voice dies
“That’s what I want, Jimin. I realize, it’s what I always wanted. That unconditional, blatant love. That’s what I deserve. I went through so much…yet I held onto you still. No matter what anyone said. And if anyone was looking at me right now, into my life, they would think I was crazy. But it was just that I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t do it, I don’t know why. I just couldn’t…”
There was a glimmer of hope in his dark pupils.
“Even in that letter…I held back so much because I was afraid of surprising you. I could never be honest with myself. So that’s why…thank you for letting me go. For leaving me. Do you know how much I accomplished when you left me, how much I couldn’t accomplish in years? I had an actual orgasm, I left my job, I’m going to start a restaurant with my best friend, Jimin, I gave a guy my number.” His face went through many changes; anger, shock, hurt. But you continued on anyway. “All of that, just because you weren’t around poisoning me. Leaving me was the best thing you did for me, Jimin.”
He begins to tear down, tears fall in his eyes and he looks away. His jaw was clenches and his nostrils flared, telling you he was upset. But you didn’t feel satisfied, you didn’t feel happy that he was as hurt as you had been. You felt nothing for him. Maybe except pity.
Carefully, you step closer to him. Taking his face in your palm.
“And I hope, Jimin, that leaving me helps you as well. That you stop chasing after meaningless convictions and you find whatever it is that can keep you grounded. You’ve hurt a lot of people Jimin, and for that you will suffer a lot as well. Me, all the girls and people you threw away after using. We never could help each other together, but we can help each other apart. It’s going to stab for a while, and you’ll feel as cold for a very long time. But then, I’ll pray for you to learn Jimin. I’ll try.”
And that was that, the ache lingering in your heart, was pushed all the way down to your stomach. It was still there, but not bothering you as much. Not controlling your destiny any longer. In your senses a melody played in the background; a constricted melancholic piano melody dedicated to love, to the happiness and woes.
This man you stared at, the man you once loved for seven whole years, who was he now? He couldn’t be blamed for everything, you had given him chances to hurt you again and again after all. More importantly, who were you? Definitely not the same woman you’d been when you first found out about Jessica. Not Mina. Not even the new one. You were changing, always evolving and you were proud of that.
You really were so thankful that Jimin had decided not to come home that night. That he continuously left you alone, to stand on your own. Because now your legs felt stronger than ever. There were a lot of people you were thankful for, a lot left to confront but this was your story. So good job you. Your love was first and foremost for yourself. Of course, you’ll continue therapy, you’ll work hard to open a new restaurant, you’ll try to give yourself the happiness you always deserved. Not every day would be great, some days you were going to struggle and there would be a lot of tears. But they’ll be your tears, your struggles, your joy, they won’t be based off of some other person’s mood.
This was only the end of Jimin’s chapter. Your real story will begin from today.
You were never going to convince yourself otherwise. Were never going to push down your feelings and act like they didn’t exist. That was the least Jimin had taught you.
It really was nice outside that rotten cocoon.
He was quiet for the first time in ages, and you honestly preferred silence from him. There were a lot of stupid things he said once he opened his mouth. Why should he become a better person from your pain? What kind of creator allows that?
After a moment of staring at his lost soul, you take a deep breath, exhaling softly. You couldn’t stay here too long, Yoongi had called you, getting your number off someone named Joy, asking you to come over to Cypher Road. He wanted to apologize for that night, as well as meet someone. If Jimin needed help, he should go search for it like an adult.
“Ok, umm…finish up whatever you were up to…I have to head out.” You say, turning around. Jimin doesn’t respond, but you couldn’t care less how he feels right now. “And I signed the divorce papers, they are on your shelf in the closet. Tell me when they are finalized, I’ll be free all week.”
You turn the door handle, pulling the door open halfway before remembering something and spinning back to him.
“Not… Saturday though. I have a date.”
#bts#jimin#bts smut#bts x reader#jimin x reader#bts angst#Jimin angst#BTS fluff#jungkook fluff#jungkook#taehyung#R:CHTMD
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Time To Heal — Mista x Reader x Narancia
Synopsis: Narancia has to deal woth his feelings for you, which he hates since you and Mista are dating. And were dating long before he started feeling things for you. He wishes to be honest about hiw he feels to the both of you since you're his best friends.
Genre: slight angst in the Reader x Narancia part, unrequited love. Fluffy for the Mista x Reader part, and fluffy for everyone at the end. Also, sprinkles of Mista x Giorno. Mentions of NSFW topics.
A/N: another set of headcanons because I'm too lazy to write a proper scenario abt this. I AM STILL WRITING THE JOSUKE ANGST I TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY OK, also I have a Rohan fic in the making as well (I really need to stop working in several WIPs at once). The reader has tattoos.
Narancia's feelings for you happened after you started dating Mista.
It all began when you joined. You had been the fourth one to join Bucciarati's gang. Less than a month after you joined, Bruno bailed Mista out of jail and had him join.
It really was love at first sight for the both of you. The both of you falling head over hills at 10,000 mph.
You looked at the revolver tattoo you had gotten just a week earlier, when you met him. Is this fate? You asked yourself. Mista didn't even had to ask, he knew it for a fact.
It didn't take long for you and Mista to start dating.
But before Mista's arrival, Narancia and you were already close friends, soon Mista joined the chaotic dynamic you two had.
Narancia's feelings for you weren't triggered by a specific event. Small things, all were adding little by little. And when he realized this, he hated himself.
How could he have feelings for you? He knew about Mista and you. He knew it had been a dumb move on his part. It was painful that everything about you was slowly drawing him in.
The way you trusted in him and told him the stories behind your tattoos, about your past, whe you lent him your favorite CDs for him to listen to.
He eventually found himself having dreams of you, in which he is holdong your hand or cuddling you. God, he hated this so much.
The time he saw Giorno doing things to Mista, he felt weird and felt the need to tell you. Could Mista really be cheating on you like that with the newbie?
When he told you, you found it hard to believe and asked Mista what happened, without addressing the fact that Narancia had seen them. Once Mista told you the whole thing, you laughed so hard at the fact that Narancia had misinterpreted the whole situation. "What is so funny? It really hurt pretty bad, okay? Imagine being shot 20 times!" "No, Mista, is not that. Nevermind, its not important anyways. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, babe"
"Narancia, I talked to Mista about what happened, and it was a misunderstanding" "huh? It was? But-but Mista...and Giorno..." "Dont worry about it, its all cool now. It doesn't matter" You never told Narancia what really happened, it was funnier to let Narancia believe that Giorno had given head to Mista.
Narancia's own feelings began overwhelming him, and he had this urge to be honest with you.
"Hey, can I tell you something?" "Sure, Narancia. You can tell me anything, you know that"
"I dont want to screw up, but also I need to say this out loud..." "is everything alright?" "It is, I promise. I'm fine. And I'm gonna be fine. I just...I'm scared" "what are you scared of?" "Of losing you. Of losing Mista..." "Narancia, I'm not following...what are you talking about?"
"I think...I may have feelings for you"
You didn't know, but Mista was walking by when he head you talking to Narancia and before he could even walk in the room, he heard Narancia's confession and stood by the door, listening.
"Oh..." You whispered. "Listen, you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to let you know. Also, I'm not gonna interfere with you and Mista. You two are my best friends, and I think it's amazing that you're so in love with each other. You deserve each other."
"When did you..." "Not sure. It's not been long, though. You two were already dating when this happened..." "Does Mista know?" "No...not yet. I want to tell him, though...Oh god, do you think he'll kick my ass?" "C'mon, he wouldn't do that"
"Narancia, I'm so sorry..." "for what? Its not your fault. Its nobody's fault. It just happened...hopefully, now that you know this, it'll be easier for me to get over those feelings..."
You hugged Narancia, and continued to apologize despite him telling you not to.
Mista was about to start sobbing by the door.
Narancia was a bit distant for the next day, and you assumed it was because he was dealing with his feelings. Whenever you asked him if he was alright, he'd answer "yes, I am. I will be. I just need a bit of time"
Narancia eventually gathered the guts to talk to Mista. But Mista could easily tell what he was going to say.
"Mista..." "I know, Narancia. I may or may not have listened you guys talk a few days ago" "Oh...I...Are you....Wha—" "I'm not mas at you, man. It's not your fault, you didn't ask for this..."
"We're good, then?" "Of course we're good"
"What now?" Mista asked. "Now that you two know, I feel more at ease...Hopefully I'll get over these feelings soon...I just need time"
A few weeks went by, and Narancia remained distant. You were missing your friend, but you understood he needed time and space. Whenever he felt ready, he'd go back to hang out with the both of you.
Soon, Narancia started spending more and more time with you, andnthings slowly began coming back to normal.
"How are you?" You asked him one day. "I'm perfect! I told you I was gonna be fine!" "So...you...uh...did you..." Mista stuttered. "Almost! But I really missed hanging out with you, guys"
Mista wrapped an arm around Narancia's shoulder and brought him close, bumping his head with Narancia's. "I missed you too, you little bastard"
#jjba fanfic#jjba scenarios#jjba#jjba headcanons#jjba part 5#guido mista x reader#mista x reader#jojo narancia#narancia x reader#narancia ghirga#jjba mista
62 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
theboywithburninghands
I Like the Darkness; It's Friendly
ilfaggato
The Intrepid Dreams
porcupineparadox
A real life Paradox
fightscrimewhilesleeping
My Deserted House. Please walk softly.
ulkopolitist
The Ulkopolitistin visuaalinen osasto.