I rarely give myself credit where it’s due because I feel like I don’t deserve it. This is an exception. I truly wish that in my entire childhood and teenage years that I had an adult I could trust and talk to about being depressed and suicidal. I yearn after all the years I’ve lost to silence that I let myself go to. I wish I get what doctors send out to 14 years old now with options to speak to them independently. Imagine if I felt safe enough to speak to a GP about how I was feeling, how badly I wanted to die. Sometimes it’s hard to think about those expired possibilities because who knows how much better I would’ve felt now if I’d gotten help at that age? Maybe I would be happier, less lonely and yearning after death so clearly. I’m sad all the time crying inside my brain because tears don’t come to my eyes no more. I’m devoid of emotion if not only on the outside. Maybe my traumas could have been healed or at least become manageable not like now where I’m getting triggered and thrown into fugue states constantly, disassociating everytime i get overwhelmed. Life could’ve been so much different so why can’t I choose to die on my own terms.

here again. I've tried hard to feel better. failed again.

vent 2

tbh I feel like me being traumatized is something I deserve, because ever since I was 14 years old I always attention-seek for help from my 17 year old and 18 year old friends yet i deserve it whenever they blame me and exploit me, it's like they hate me and want me dead so I did for them but they switched after that happened they hated me more and more then I began to call myself such a sorrow dirty fucker

like tbh I always deserve it, I deserve it. but I just have to act fine I am fine I don't wanna act vulnerable infront of people I js don't need any help or saving I can get through this I am fine. really, I am fine.

I fucking hate myself.

Hey guys, what do you do when you suck at absolutely everything, including all your hobbies? Asking for a friend.

Asked my parents for water so I could take my pills and can’t even get that from them

Babe wake up kazuha event birthday art

OH MT FUCKIGNBEAVEJWB(!,@&#×;;$@>*@;# I FORGOT WHAT TODAY WAS OH MY TFOSJSEBA GOD FYCK THE TRAVELER IS LITERALLY ME???? WHY IS HE LOOKING AT THEM LIKE THAT OCHAHABWBSN?!?@&÷*×&=

i was doing so good. i thought we were okay. im sorry im such a piece of shit partner. im sorry im not enough for you. i can just kill myselfnif it makes it wasier.

It’s so strange being at a party, knowing I’m going to end my life afterwards but no one else knows.

Everyone is so clueless and honestly, it’s kind of nice..

Why cant I do litteraly anything fucking usefull

The more I think about how others see me opposite in a way that I can’t see the more I want to hide away. For I am nothing but an ugly monster who deserves nothing

I did my best, but they left me anyway

I deserve to be beat. Why am I so disgusting and greedy. I always want mores I don’t deserve to eat, be happy or have anyone care about me. I am a disgusting greedy vile person. I deserve nothing.

The mood dropped immediately when I saw the grade

I failed...again

No matter how much I try, I can't do anything right

Actually I stopped trying because it will be the same

I stopped trying

And I thought I stopped caring but I was wrong

I'm lying in my bed, crying my eyes out

I'm worthless

Useless

Stupid

I deserve to die

I have to die

I want to die