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jungkxook · 3 years

Text

—out of the blue. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ genre: youtuber/gamer!jungkook + fluff / smut

⟶ words: 5,204

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ summary: catching your boyfriend bleaching and dyeing his hair for a livestream is definitely not what you expected — but it certainly has its perks.

⟶ warnings: established relationship, some attempt at humour, .2 seconds of sort of sub jungkook (you just like seeing him on his knees), you call jungkook a good boy, shower sex, hair pulling, oral sex, face riding, standing sex, breast play, cum eating, doggy style, unprotected sex, creampie

⟶ note: because blue haired jungkook has me feeling all sorts of things. also dedicating this to the lovely ryen @kithtaehyung because blue haired jungkook is getting her too and i hope this helps!! and thank you to the wonderful @gamerkooks and @stanrandomthings for always giving me inspiration for gamer jungkook <3

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jungkook has less than a second to react when he hears you bursting through the door of his bedroom, a guilty expression plastered on his face as if you’ve caught him in the midst of a much worse act than what he’s already currently doing ━ but the flustered scowl deepening your countenance is enough for him to certainly feel that way, because how else is he supposed to casually explain why he’s currently sitting shirtless in front of a camera?

Admittedly, the sight is odd enough, and there’s a split moment where your incredulous look is enough to make him feel as if he’s wronged you, and your six month long relationship with him, entirely before he remembers that he didn’t actually do anything wrong like cheat on you, but is actually just trying to dye his hair.

He’s sat in his gaming chair, camera and lights set up around him, and the monitor of his desktop all recording his face to the hundreds of thousands of viewers currently watching his livestream. He had told you well in advance about his aim to do a twenty-four hour live broadcast for his subscribers to both raise money for a donation and to countdown to his next subscriber milestone with the help of his friends ━ and had even asked you to help him plan the event, discussing it animatedly with you for the past month on various occasions ━ but mainly just because Jungkook is crazy enough to sit through a twenty-four hour stream and call it fun.

You had known most of how the entirety of the day would go. Starting from noon the previous day to now, almost an hour before the stream ends, thus far he’s done various gameplays from Minecraft to Overwatch to Among Us simultaneously with his friends who had offered to marathon with him the twenty-four hour event; had a period of time in which Jimin and Taehyung were over and cramped in his room to answer questions and talk to viewers but mostly just to create absolute chaos. You had been there for most of it, though you’re still trying to figure out if it’s a blessing or a curse that you were suckered into paying rent for your three bedroom apartment by Taehyung more than a year ago, and subsequently falling madly in love with Jungkook and forcing you to aid in his antics. You’ve been in a handful of his videos before, appearing in Twitch and YouTube streams, and in the background of vlogs in his channel and the channels belonging to the other boys; and, on that day for Jungkook’s twenty-four hour event, you had joined him at the start before being dragged away for work and then tried to pull an all-nighter with him until you crashed on the couch in the living room, and checking in on him occasionally to give him food and water and to just generally make sure your boyfriend isn’t dead.

Now, with the remaining final hour dwindling down, you had been in your room trying to finish last minute essay writing for school, with your phone propped up on your desk and Jungkook’s livestream playing as background noise to your studying. One minute, he had been playing a round of Among Us, and the next, when you had glanced up, he had the bottle in hand and the detrimental blue dye coating his hair in slick globs. It wouldn’t have been so shocking, had you not seen Jungkook an hour ago when he had his natural dark hair still, and now he had somehow managed to sneak in bleaching his hair in the time you had left him. Maybe it was your fault for not catching it sooner, if only because you had sheepishly taken a small nap amidst your studying only to wake up to a nightmare.

Which is where that leaves you currently, dishevelled demeanour standing at the threshold of his door after chasing over to his room, watching as Taehyung helps Jungkook sufficiently ruin his beautiful hair which you love so much.

“Uh… Dyeing my hair?” Jungkook finally answers, dumbfounded. He’s fortunate he had pulled off his shirt to avoid getting hair dye on it, an old towel now draped around his shoulders to catch any excess mess. He adds brightly, “We asked for suggestions on how to end the stream and someone said I should dye my hair, so Tae got the stuff.”

“You bleached your own hair?” You retort, exasperated. “When the hell did all this happen? I’ve been next door to you the whole time! What if your hair falls out? You should’ve gotten a professional to do it, not Tae━”

Taehyung looks inexplicably offended by your slandering remarks on his (lack of) hair styling skills, retorting with, “Yo, what the━?”

Jungkook blinks, as if just being made aware of what he’s actually doing.

“My hair’s gonna fall out?” he gaps. “Guys, what the hell? Why’d no one tell me?”

He looks from you to Taehyung then over at the comments on his livestream which are currently flooding with the sole topic of you. His eyes snag the first few that appear to him in the frenzied influx of words:

uh oh jungkook’s sleeping on the floor tonight

oh shit run bro

f in the chat for jk’s hair

get him y/n!!!!

“Dude, she’s just being dramatic,” Taehyung waves you off. He ducks out of the way when you reach out to Jungkook’s bed for a pillow and chuck it at the older boy’s head.

“And when he’s bald, then what━”

“No!” A helpless Jungkook exclaims suddenly. He gestures wildly to the stream, “Don’t give them ideas. The edits are gonna start pouring in.”

“Jeon, look, it’s too late to go back now,” Taehyung says. “You’ve got half your head covered in dye and three minutes to go with the stream. How bad can it be?”

A groveling sigh eclipses your lips as you push yourself forward. “Then at least let me help before you ruin it completely.”

Jungkook’s fortunate, to say the least, though he’s left wondering if you’re truly upset with him.

He finishes the countdown to the end of his twenty-four hour stream with you and Taehyung putting the last remaining globs of dye on his hair, a heartfelt goodbye to his viewers who marathoned the stream with him, and a promise to update them on the status of his hair when he washes the dye out.

And, just as soon as he’s shut his camera off, the mundane world returns to him.

It’s no longer millions of anonymous and faceless viewers watching him from the other side of their screens in the tiny bubble that is his room, but just you and Taehyung and the older boy’s frisky little Pomeranian dog and the threat of a wallowing regret as Jungkook thinks to himself, what the hell did he truly just do to his hair?

At some point, Taehyung retreats to his girlfriend’s house taking Yeontan with him, leaving you alone with Jungkook and he basks in the sudden cozy quiet after twenty-four hours of madness as the adrenaline rush begins to fade and mellow out. Back aching, joints cracking and popping as he stretches and moves, and eyes burning in the similar way they do from having stared at a screen for too long, but tenfold, he craves nothing more than to find your sweet and comforting touch to end such a long day.

He finds you in the living room already scrolling through your phone and your Twitter feed to read and marvel at all the comments and memes made by his viewers during his stream and his heart threatens to burst through his chest because you’ve always been so supportive of him and his fans, and they’ve always adored you and your endless interactions with them. So, surely, you can’t be mad at him for bleaching and dyeing his hair. Right?

As his arms come to wrap around you from behind, face nuzzling in the crook of your neck, he hears you bemoan, “You look like a Smurf came on your head.”

Wrong.

Well, not entirely, he guesses. You do lean into his chest, practically melting against him. A sluggish grin tugs at his lips and, instead, he chooses to ask, “Shower with me?”

“Aren’t you tired, Koo?”

“Baby,” he deadpans, and your heart flutters just a little bit, “by this point, I’m running solely on Red Bull and coffee that I’m positive I could fight the gods with my bare hands and win. In fact, I’ve had so much caffeine that I’m fairly certain I’ve ascended to the astral plane. Besides, I need to wash this dye out, and I could use some help. Sleep can wait.”

“Help,” You snort. “You’re such a liar. I already know what you want.”

“To spend time with my beautiful girlfriend? You’re right.”

“I’m not sucking your dick.”

He pulls his head back to look at you. Though he tries to look offended, there’s the tiniest of smirks on his face. “Wasn’t gonna ask you!”

You turn to properly face him in his arms and shoot him a dubious glance. He leans down to press a chilling kiss to your jaw, then nudges his nose against you in the same spot so that you’ll move your head. You do so, despite your prior scolding, and let him kiss the underside of your jaw down to your neck.

“Okay, fine,” You huff finally.

You relent, miraculously, but Jungkook had already guessed you would the moment he had found you in the living room and he couldn’t be happier.

He cherishes the moments alone with you, has come to know them well as he falls into a comfortable routine with you away from prying eyes over the last few months. Because sometimes, as he comes to learn, it’s hard to establish a relationship when his job requires him to be in the spotlight often. What is authentic and what is simply fabricated for views is difficult to discern, and yet you’re patient with him. Not everything to him is money and views and numbers, or what his next big plan is, or how you could potentially help him in some way (despite knowing that any video featuring you seems to skyrocket his views and land his videos on the trending page of YouTube more often than not because he knows everyone loves you more than him). You know when he’s his online persona and when he’s simply just Jungkook, and while there’s hardly any difference between the two, his online personality surely has to maintain a level of privacy and happiness that may not always be true.

At least with you, he can just be himself. He can finally be at ease.

Showering together is just one of the many acts of normalcy he cherishes with you. So, he turns on the shower and lets the bathroom get all warm and balmy as you undress. He’s the first one inside, hissing in delight as he lets the water run over his sore muscles, washing out the dye in his hair firstly so as not to get it on you and fortunately not making too much of a mess of blue dye in the tub. You’ve joined him in an instant when he’s nearly done, squeezing into the space in front of him as you shut the glass door behind you, the pane already beginning to fog and slick with droplets of condensation. He pulls you into him once more, nestling his chin on your shoulder as his hands come to wrap around you. They slide across your front, all wet and soapy, briefly gliding across your breasts, palms brushing against your nipples before traveling down to your navel.

“Congrats, baby,” You coo gently. “Twenty-four hours.”

He murmurs into your hair, “Missed you loads though.”

You turn to look at him finally, and it’s hard not to stare. Your eyes land firstly on his abdomen and the toned muscles there, trailing up to his arm and the pretty tattoos that decorate every inch of his skin, to his soft pink lips and his big eyes. Then, there’s the matter of his hair. The water has done most of the work in washing out the dye from his hair, now falling across his forehead and into his eyes and cheekbones, and it’s only then that you fully register the dye has worked as you struggle to find any remnants of his once-ebony-then-blonde locks. The blue hair is an obvious stark contrast to his natural hair and, you think, it is pretty, accentuating his radiant skin and making his eyes pop.

“I didn’t think you were actually serious all those times you said you wanted to change your hair.” Your lips are pursed as you survey him now, your fingers twirling a strand of his tresses around and around as you inspect it.

He smiles, catching your hand and pressing a quick peck to your knuckles. “Neither did I,” he admits sheepishly. “It sort of just happened.”

You pout. “I’m gonna miss your natural hair.”

“Do you really hate it blue?”

“I don’t hate it. Was more scared you’d ruin your pretty hair and make it all fall out.”

At this, Jungkook flashes you a cheeky smile. He holds his head a little higher. “So you still think my hair is pretty?”

“I think you’re a dork,” You clarify. “And, aside from the fact you almost gave me a heart attack, I’d say the blue is so pretty. Beyond pretty. Kinda hot, if I’m being honest.”

Because you’re not really mad, but it’s fun just to tease Jungkook and see his reactions. At the very least, he can sense this, as it’s apparent with the way his smile stretches even wider on his face.

“Hot, huh?”

“Mhm. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

He feigns a look of mock hurt. “Oh no. You must be really mad. Want me to make it up to you?”

“How are you gonna do that?”

“Well, what do you want from me?”

You take a moment to think it over, but the answer is already obvious enough. It’s one that even he knows, and one that has won you over the moment Jungkook was freed from his stream. You hum aloud, “You, on your knees, head between my legs, like a good boy. Think I can get a better viewpoint of your hair from down there anyway before I judge it.”

“Like a good boy?” A dark smirk tugs at his face. “So now who’s the needy one?”

He lowers his head so that he’s leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses down your neck to your collarbones. As you let yourself get carried away for a moment, you wrap your arm around his neck, pulling him backwards until you’re pressed up against the glass door. He ducks even lower, kissing just above your left breast and then catching your nipple between his teeth. You swallow thickly, rubbing your thighs together, reminding yourself to respond to him.

“It’s not my fault when you were busy for the past day,” You pout. “And the blue hair really is sexy.”

“Aha!” he straightens up in front of you suddenly, a crooked smug smile on his face. “So I’m not just hot. I’m sexy.”

“You’re literally always sexy. And beautiful too. It’s almost unfair.”

“That’s even better.”

You tug your fingers at his damp locks. When you speak, your voice is a mix between urgency and a whine. “Jungkook. I could’ve already gotten off with my hand at this point.”

“Ouch, feisty!” He pokes his fingers at your sides. Then, nipping a little more firmly on the soft skin of your breast, murmurs huskily, “Alright, alright. But only if you call me a good boy again.”

Part of him is taunting you, but there’s a small sliver of intrigue that makes the thought in his head and the pretty words on your tongue excite him to no end.

Still, you choose to entertain him, maybe a little drowsily and entirely consumed by him, “I will if you let me ride your face.”

A rumble of a chuckle resonates from him. You find him on his knees in the next moment, wedging himself between your thighs. He nudges one of your legs and you follow the wordless command, hitching one thigh over his shoulder as you settle back against the glass door of the shower. He kisses at your hips as he dips his head lower and lower to where you want him, before swiping his tongue at your cunt, tasting all of you at once.

“Mmm, Koo━” A soft whimper sounds from you, making his head swim.

He wastes no time in lapping at your folds, tongue delving into you deeper and deeper as he cranes his neck. The wetness that pools between your legs and on the tip of his tongue is a sticky mess that he basks in just a little longer.

“Fuck,” he groans into your pussy, “you taste so fucking good. Missed this so much.”

His hands are big as they come to hold you close, cradling your ass, your thighs, your hips, anything to pull you into him while simultaneously pushing your thighs further apart.

You manage to find your voice and quip weakly, “Missed me or having your head between my legs?”

“You, definitely,” he murmurs. He busies himself by reaching out with his thumb to press circles against your clit. Your mouth falls open in a silent moan, hips rutting into his face. “All of you.”

“Jungkook━ Fuck━”

He burrows further into you, humming in response. His nose brushes against your clit, the muscle of his tongue a pleasant wet that makes you warm all over. You give another experimental swivel of your hips, grinding against his tongue just right. He pinches at your hips as if to probe you onward, and then you do it again, and again, desperately rocking your hips back and forth against him. Your fingers reach out to grab a fistful of his hair, clutching it so tightly he hisses. But you’re right. The blue locks look dazzling between your legs, being pulled by your hands as you push him further into you.

His eyes meet yours from below your waist, hooded and idle, enjoying the view as you squirm and writhe above him, shamelessly riding his face. Grinding against his chin, nose, and tongue, the slick wetness you leave behind glistens on his skin.

“Ah, Koo━” You cry out. “Fuck, I’m gonna━!”

Your orgasm hits you violently, sending you keeling. Your hips continue with reckless abandon, and Jungkook presses his finger against your clit a little harder, a little faster. The abrupt gushing warmth between your thighs sends your mind spinning, as the steam from the shower and your panting breaths begin to fog the bathroom. When your hips begin to slow, Jungkook laps at the rest of your leaking core before pulling away with a grin brandishing his shimmering face. He lets you pull him up eagerly, clumsy hands fumbling to hold either side of his face as you tug at him.

“God, you’re so hot, babe,” he sighs wistfully, smothering your lips with his for an all too chaste kiss, before leaning in once more to nibble at your lower lip.

“Wanna feel you, Koo,” You prompt urgently. “Want you in me.”

Jungkook hastens to comply, his hands falling to your waist. “Go on, then. Turn around for me.”

You don’t need to be told twice. You spin so that you’re facing the glass sliding door, your back to him. You watch him over your shoulder, momentarily admiring his well built stature, the tattoos that ink his body, and the water that shimmers on his skin. He has to push his wet hair up and away when it falls across his forehead and then he reaches down to grasp at his length, grip tight around his shaft so that he can pump himself sluggishly a few short times. It’s almost painful to watch him jerk himself off in front of you, the tip a burning red and glistening. He catches you staring and decides to catch you off guard when he grabs a hold of your hips with one hand. He yanks you towards him, your ass pressed firmly against his hips, making you jump from the startle, and grins when you look back at him.

Then, ever so slowly, he runs the length of his cock along your folds. Before you can brace yourself for the overwhelming rush of pleasure, he’s sliding his cock past your folds, burrowing into you deep. He curses behind you, his other hand flying out to steady himself by digging into your hip.

“Fffuck. Shit.” He dips his head so that his cheek is resting against your shoulder and sputters for air. “Jesus, fuck━ Been dying to feel you all day.”

He fits so snugly in you, so perfectly, just like always and you take him so well, coaxed by your own arousal. He ruts his hips forward into yours and you nearly fall forward before catching yourself by pressing your palms to the glass. Then, he’s grinding against you, small and precise thrusts that roll into your hips.

“Mmm, Jungkook,” you choke out. “You feel so━ So good.”

“Ah, shit,” he hisses. “Wanna wreck you so bad.”

He angles his chest a little more, pummels his dick into you in such a way that he’s hitting a different spot in you. His eyes stay fixated on the soft, round flesh of your ass and the way his cock slips so easily into you, brows screwed in concentration, jaw clenched. The slight bounce of your ass each time he rolls his hips firmly against you, the way you ricochet forward each time in tandem with his moves. You bow your head, pressing your temple against the glass door now tinted with condensation, only marked up by the imprints of your fingers grasping at anything. It’s almost sweltering hot in the shower now but you both pay no mind to it. He fucks into you with such languid, steady strides, cock beginning to throb and twitch in anticipation. You feel so wet, such a pitiless mess between your thighs already that it makes him growl.

“H-Harder,” You mewl. “Oh, Koo━”

He almost slips behind you in his eagerness to obey, awakening something animalistic in him, a yearning to just release all the tension in his core. This time, he adapts a measured pace, forceful thrusts that have you crying out in delight each time. One hand reaches up to grip at your shoulder to steady himself while his other slithers around your front to grasp at your breasts, all wet and supple, pinching at your nipples.

“So good,” he moans, pressing sloppy kisses just below your ear. His breath is hot as he pants behind you, sending tingles down your spine. “Fuck━”

His voice is cut off by a whine, hips bucking forward in an unsolicited manner as he feels his high drawing near. You lean your head onto his shoulder, stretching your arm out so that you can tug desperately at his hair. It’s a silent, simple command, but it’s one that he immediately understands even without you speaking.

“Wanna feel you━” You whimper. “Wanna see you.”

Jungkook nearly slips as he fumbles to pull out of you, hissing at the loss of warmth and friction. As soon as you’ve turned to face him, he wastes no time in closing the distance between you. He pushes his leaking cock past your folds once more and continues at the same pace as if he had never even stopped to begin with.

“Fuck,” he whines. “Not gonna last━”

You wrap your arms around his neck, drawing him even closer to you, as he presses you against the glass. He hitches one of your thighs around his waist, spreading your legs just wide enough to hit a certain spot that has both of you crying out. You’re clinging so tightly to him, fingers digging harshly into his skin in an attempt to alleviate the building pressure you feel. He knows you’ve almost reached your end when you resort to a gasping, moaning mess, writhing beneath his broad stature.

“Close, baby?” he hums.

You open your mouth to respond but can only muster a whimper. His pace treads over to heedlessly frantic, the sound of skin against skin and the lewd wetness filling the shower. Despite his hips pounding into yours so harshly, his fingers flutter so delicately under your chin, grasping it and moving your head just enough so that you’re facing him.

“Lemme see you,” he grunts. “Wanna watch you when you cum all over my cock. Always so pretty.”

“I━ I’m━ Fuck, Koo━”

But you can’t finish your thought.

You keep your gaze fixated on Jungkook’s, however exhausted and weary it may be. Your lashes flutter, brows knit together, and you suck your lower lip between your teeth, biting so hard Jungkook’s certain you’ll bruise it. Another few hard thrusts and then you’re reaching your high, overcome by such an intense burning that you can’t help but look away out of instinct. You cry his name, face contorting in pure pleasure, and chest arching to meet his. You’re clenching so tightly around him has him sputtering for air, nearly collapsing entirely against you. You’re near dripping around his cock which only means he almost slips from you with each draw of his hips that he makes. It’s why he sloppily rocks his hips into yours, desperate to reach his own high as well.

When you return to your senses, blinking away your blurry vision, you can make out Jungkook cooing into your ear, “That’s it, baby. Doing so well.”

You meet his gaze once more, only this time you’re perhaps even more tired. Hooded eyes watch him, silently probing him to his climax. He comes tumbling towards it, a few more short thrusts of his hips and, finally, he’s there. He slams his hips up into yours one final time, crying out, and then he’s releasing into you in an overwhelming abrupt gush. Only he can’t quite enjoy it because, out of genuine accident and driven by impatience to just get off, the last jerk of his hips hits you a little too hard.

It’s what causes you to slip backward and he, so lost in his own reverie, hardly has a proper grip on you or where he’s standing. When you lose your footing beneath you, slipping on the wet porcelain of the tub, and comes crashing down, he’s brought along with you. “Oh, fuck━!”

The both of you yelp from the surprise, your hands flailing out to brace yourself for the fall.

Fortunately, you land on him when you reach the bottom of the tub, courtesy of him grabbing onto you last second so that he can soften the blow upon impact.

Unfortunately, the breath is knocked out of him from the startle and from the sudden added weight of you on top of him with no warning.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he groans.

“In hindsight,” You wince as you shift your weight above him, “maybe having sex in the shower again wasn’t the greatest idea. Remember last time when we knocked the shower curtain down and I had to get stitches on my elbow? It’s why we got the glass door installed, and then we had to lie to Tae about it.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” He tilts his head back, rubbing a hand over his face. Then, he flashes you an all too charming smirk. “Was kinda worth it though.”

You giggle, sounding so sweet and angelic, even despite the way his cum still leaks from you. Somewhere in the fall, his dick had slipped from you and now lays softening on his stomach which, really, is probably the worst part of the accident to him. He already misses the warmth of you wrapped around him, your mingling cum a dirty mess around him. You prop yourself up on his chest with your palms, but before you can even think to respond, you notice something out of the corner of your eye.

A small mass of fur in the shape of little Yeontan has just poked his head through the crack in the door, oblivious to you and Jungkook’s compromising position. And then, shortly following behind him, is his equally oblivious owner who must have forgotten something in the apartment to bring him back so suddenly.

“Tannie, get back here━ We gotta go━ Oh, Jesus, what the fuck?” Taehyung appears at the door for a millisecond before noticing the situation he’s just stumbled upon. Thankfully, he acts fast, and clamps a hand over his tainted eyes, clumsily scooping up Yeontan in his other hand. “Can you guys please stop fucking all over this damn apartment? My son’s eyes are too pure for this!”

And then he’s retreating, but not before bumping blindly into the doorframe, grumbling along the way. It’s silent for a moment as you and Jungkook gawk at one another; then you hear Taehyung leave the apartment once more, and the both of you dissolve into a fit of unabashed laughter.

“Are you okay?” You ask once you’ve calmed down enough as he reaches out to shut the shower off. You plant a kiss in your boyfriend’s hair. “You hit your head coming down.”

Jungkook’s heart swells at your gentle touches and smiles. “I’m fine,” he promises brightly. “You?”

“Well, you did just thoroughly fuck me, so━” You shrug innocently. “I’m kinda still too giddy to even care.”

“I’m gonna make it up to you,” he says. “For almost giving you a heart attack with my hair and for almost putting you in the emergency room again just now.”

The mention of his hair draws your attention to it once more. It’s not as wet as before, damp azure waves falling into his eyes that you brush away gingerly.

“Yeah,” You snort, “but I’ve decided I like your hair. Like, really like it.”

“Yeah?” he grins wide. “What was the deciding factor?”

You pause, as if to think for a moment. Exhaustion riddles your body and you know sleeping curled up next to Jungkook is nearing your future, but for now you let yourself entertain the last remnants of whatever lewd thoughts are still on yours and his minds before they fizzle away completely. You can’t help yourself anyway. The blue really is nice.

“Definitely the view of you eating me out,” You say. “And can’t forget how pretty it looks when I’m pulling at your hair.”

“Say no more,” he beams. “Then I’ll make it up to you by making you cum on my tongue again and again and again.”

The last thing he hears before he grabs at your cheek to softly pull you down to him for one last kiss, slow and ardent, is a bubbly giggle from you that delights him to no end.

“That’s a good boy.”

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

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sweetberrysmooch · 3 years

Text

HC: Call This The ‘Can This Man Cook’ Section

(….. I don’t think these men can cook 😔)

First post pog :D I wrote a majority of these super late at night, so please forgive and let me know of any mistakes you find <3 Also, it’s a little long lol

Characters: Dream, George, SapNap, Badboyhalo, Wilbur, Technoblade, Philza, Quackity, Fundy, Schlatt.

Warnings: None, except for a kinda risqué comment in Philza’s. Oh and I guess there’s mentions of eating meat in case someone wants the warning :3

Song Recommendation: I Love You So- The Walters

Hella fluffy! Hope you enjoy <3

From best to worst:

#1: BadBoyHalo-

Bad is the best at cooking on the server. He is the creme of the crop, absolute top one percent, king shit at cooking.

He can cook, bake, and temper chocolate perfectly, what more could you want?

His favorite to-go recipes are cheesy garlic bread and a special spicy chicken and rice recipe which he typically makes when the boys are over at his house for the night. When he’s with you he goes for something a little smoother, some mulled sweet berry cider with a smoked cod fillet, eaten under the light of candles while you quietly chat about life and your fellow friends. It’s always one of Bad’s most anticipated hangouts, and he’s very careful about planning when it comes to those days.

While he appreciates being complimented on his food or his skills, deep down he wants to have someone to cook and share his knowledge with so the cooking process becomes much richer. He’s cooked for so long and learned so much, but it means nothing if he can’t share it with another person. The moment you come to him and ask him for help on any kind of recipe, he’ll drop almost everything to help you.

Side note; he absolutely carried lunch and dinner for his fellow DTeam members. While Sapnap would mostly take over breakfast, Bad would be hounded by begging puppy looks from these adult men who couldn’t cook and kind of just sigh and get the ‘kiss the cook’ apron ready. It’s not like he hates it or anything, but the endearing factor kinda slips off after a few years of adult men groveling.

(Bad’s hands rest over yours, dwarfing them entirely as he helps you cut the pasta sheet straightly. “There you go!” He encourages, squeezing your hand gently and stepping away, moving back to dice the vegetables on the cutting board next to you. A comfortable silence falls, and with it comes something in Bad’s heart softening. The worries and exhaustion in his mind ease, and he slips into a contented routine of finely chopping and slicing. It’s been a while since he’s felt so calm. There’s nothing that can ruin this-

The front door slams open. Footsteps walk in and approach the kitchen and you both hear it,

“Baaaaaaaaad.” Bad cringes, taking a step back.

“Baaaaaaaaaaad, we’re hungry.” Sapnap.

“Yeah Bad, feeeeeeeed uuuuuuus.” George.

And then, from around the door frame, a white mask peeks in. Nobody says a word, but you can feel Bad deflate next to you like let go balloon.

“It’s alright, big guy.” You laugh, grabbing his forearm and leaning up against him. His sad puppy eyes make you smile a little, and you try to reassure him. “We can hang out alone another time. Let’s keep working on the pasta.” He sighs, but still returns your smile. “Yeah, another time.”)

#2: Philza

Sigh…. he can cook. Not quite as good as Bad can, but better than Quackity. A solid second place. It stems mainly from being so knowledgeable that he just knows and has tried so many different foods, but since he doesn't actually do much cooking, I'm making him a flaky second place.

Doesn’t mind cooking, but doesn’t love doing it either. He’s always focused on so many different things that he’ll forgo eating to keep working on what he’s doing. He mostly cooks for Techno and Ranboo or the few guests (you) they seem to receive. Makes great stew, and even better roasted chicken, is absolutely immaculate when it comes to cooking bird.

He didn’t teach Wilbur or Techno shit! I wish I could say it’s because he wanted to but just couldn’t, but he was literally like “hmm. Im a little busy now, maybe next year” every year!! But, this being said, if you ask him to make something with you or teach you how to cook a particular dish, he will agree to help you. Old age has really mellowed him out, and after certain events, he realizes he needs to stay a bit closer to those he cares about from now on.

He likes sweets well enough, and will always thank you for any gifts you make for him. Along with growing older, he’s had time to lose his pickiness he had in his youth. If he does end up cooking with you, he’ll prefer doing the harder recipes over easy ones. He will lose it laughing if it turns out bad, so don’t worry about any disappointment (his children make up enough of that ^^).

(“Now,” Phil starts, washing his hands quickly as you wait for him next to the cutting board. “Pufferfish needs to be prepared perfectly, or we will die when we eat it. But I don’t need to explain to you how a pufferfish works, now do I?”

When you shake your head no, he comes up behind you, tarnished wings bound and hair pulled up in a pony tail.

“The meat of a pufferfish is very delectable, and much better with a glass of wine.” He grins cheekily, “ If this works out well, which I’m sure it will, dinner will be delicious.”

It falls quiet for a second, and as your hesitantly looking over the fish that may be your last, you gasp when you feel him press up against you back and rest his chin on your shoulder. “Maybe there’ll be other delicious things to eat as well,” He murmurs into you ear, before leaning back and busting out laughing. Your face feels stupidly hot. Dilfza quest activated.)

#3: Quackity-

Quackity:

Quackity can cook. I know!! I’d say he’s like the third best cooker on the list. And he’s not half bad at baking either.

He likes making up stupid bad recipes and trying them out with you, even if at the end of it the one of you up chucks your damned creations the hour after. Despite his reigning need for chaos though, he knows how to make a decent amount of recipes and strives for praise when he’s actually putting forward effort. He’ll arrange little dinner dates (“A handsome man and his very pretty friend, good food made by yours truly, and La Chona, what do you say, baby?”) and will sit there with a 🥺 look on his face until you tell him if you liked it or not.

He tries to act like he’s unaffected by your words, but even a small, “That was really good.” will make him turn red and giggle like a schoolgirl. He tries to play it off, but it’s easy to tell he loves the complements. Will also never tell you anything you make is bad. You are a deity descended upon minecraft Earth and he is but your prettiest disciple who will uphold your honor and treat you like you should be treated!!!! But he’ll then promptly choose to help you with and guide you into cooking/baking better ^^; He loves you!

As for baking, he really likes making cakes because of how simple they can be. It helps calm him down when he can just slip into bake mode and follow a recipe and make something nice at the end of it. Speaking of, he also has a sweet tooth, but not quite as bad as Techno does. Any sweets or food you make for him is always eaten, and always held in high regard. Will try to entice you into feeding him 👀👀 so watch out.

(He’s doing it again. You try to avoid looking directly at the dopey lovesick smile Quackity has on his face at the moment, but as you lift the fork up, you get a better idea.

You look at him (to which he seems to melt a little under your gaze), look at the fork, and then back to him, raising the piece of cake up to his lips. His expression turns flabbergasted and his blush deepens.

He doesn’t seem to believe you for a second, until you nudge the cake close and flash him a smile. Then it’s like a switch has been flicked; he giggles, blushing, and eats the cake right off the fork. He’s gone back to smiling that silly smile again, this time even brighter, but it’s okay. You try to ignore the way your heart speeds up in your chest when he begs you for another piece.)

#4: Schlatt-

Another cooker~! He specializes with formal dinners more than anything else, and adores a good steak.

During his presidency, he didn’t cook very often. Quackity and you had to keep him fed through most of it, and the memory of watching you cook in his kitchen while he looked over work papers at his dining table leaves a mark on him, sealing a new crave for domesticity that he hadn’t ever wanted before.

Sometimes he would cook though. You, Quackity, and Tubbo would all gather around and eat together every once in a blue moon, when Schlatt was sober and calm. It feels tense at the table but also not in a way? Schlatt always seems to be chillest during dinner, a mix of the alcohol wearing off and the emphatic family feel that comes with Tubbo, Quackity, and you surrounding him.

He loves cake! It’s one of the few desserts he’ll eat, but you have to watch him closely or he’ll gorge himself of the treat. Indulge him and invite him to make a cake with you, and it will be one of the most interesting bakes of your life. How Schlatt got three eggs to stick to the ceiling is beyond you, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s completely fucking sober and hamming up his own cluelessness. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for him hiding all the other eggs around your kitchen as well. How did he get one on the top of your door without it falling when you opened it? That’s between him and god.

Overall, a good 4th place on the list.

(“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Schlatt says, deadpanned, looking you right in the fucking eyes with an undisturbed egg sitting perfectly straight on his head.

“Where are the eggs, Schlatt.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Schlatt.”

“Yes.”

The container you kept them in is completely empty on your kitchen counter, once full of eggs but now reduced to a desolate husk of its former glory. Speaking of former glories, your president turns around, arms crossed and stands there silently.

You look around. Theres one in the door handle of in the pantry, another wedged between two slices of bread in your bread box, and- oh god. On the fucking ceiling. Three, stuck to the ceiling, unmovable. After a full minute of dead silence you manage a “What the fuck have you done?”, and Schlatt turns to look.

“Oh hey. There they are.” Your mind turns into a rock, shatters, and crumbles into dust.)

#5: Dream-

Honestly if you’re looking for edible food that tastes range from ok to good Dream is your man. 5th place.

He knows a lot of ‘depression era’ type recipes just because he’s pretty homeless and his man hunts don’t allow him much time to hone his skills. Stuff like bread or mushroom stew comes easy to him after so many times of having to do it on the run. Bread is the only baking he won’t screw up.

Can cook meat well enough too, but doesn’t really do anything special to it (besides his sauces).

To elaborate: Over the unknown span of his life, he’s acquired these recipes for forgotten and questionable sauces that he’ll store in little jars and leave at your house for you to use. They’re odd, and the ingredients aren’t ever what you think might be edible, but they’re surprisingly tasty none the less. He likes to show you a new one every month or so to keep things fresh.

Pretty general about sweets, but has a severe love for chocolate, especially dark chocolate. Has never had one, but dreams about chocolate cake. It’s high on his bucket list and written another four times over.

One of his favorite things to do with you is bake, mainly because of how ruinous it always turns out. No matter your skill, Dream’s vibes decimates any luck the two of you will have while baking. It’s scientifically proven. You left the cupcakes in for a minute-JUST a minute over what they should’ve been and they came out rock solid. Dream tried to eat one anyway. Best part was watching him try to bite through the shell.)

(He thinks he’s over selling it, half-gnawing on the brown cupcake (it was supposed to be vanilla, he thought) and making stupid growls when his teeth barely break through the surface, but the feeling he gets when you start laughing hysterically next to him wipes away any negative thought he had and fills him with utter joy.

It's very late into the night, and you’re both a little loopy, but all the while you still lean against him as you giggle, the spot tingling where your hand rests on his arm.

His heart thumps crazily, before sinking. Oh god. He’s in love with you.)

#6: Technoblade-

Knows a lot, but very little. He can cook the meat perfectly fine, but there’s a difference between being cooked and tasting good. He doesn’t know how to season them. Salt is the bare minimum you get.

6th place ^^; sorry king.

He’s good with potatoes though. I like to think that the countless hours spent potato farming had to account for something. He likes having cheese and butter on them every once in a while, but for the most part just eats them salted like an animal. It’s practically a show to watch him eat a cooked potato in three bites without anything but salt on it.

Big man loves food though, even if he doesn’t eat like it. Steak and cooked fish are high on his list of foods, but only if it’s cooked by Philza. And eventually you fall into his “I trust to eat this from you” category as well, but he has a special place in his heart for Phil’s cooking. Rabbit stew is at the very top.

He also eats a lot, being 6’10 and 200 something pounds of muscle, gotta consume quite a bit to keep him moving.

As for the sweeter variety of food, he’s got a massive sweet tooth. The moment you make him an apple pie or honey candy or anything of the like, he’s immediately enamored with you. Sweet things are hard to come by on the smp, especially with how far out he lives, but it’s a secret weakness of his that is very easily exploitable.

(You’ll be the death of him, he thinks, watching you closely as you trudge your way through the freshly fallen snow towards his house. Your normal pack is lighter than it usually looks, and he worries that you may slip and hurt yourself on the ice before you make it to the door. But still, you keep walking until you're standing at his doorstep, fist raised to knock when he opens it for you.

You look surprised for a second, and then a grin splits your face and his heart races.

“I can’t stay for long,” you say, having spent at least 30 minutes to get there. “But I wanted to drop this off for you before you went out to hunt again.”

Out of the bag, you pull another smaller leather bag and hand it to him gently. It rests heavy in his palm, and for a moment he’s sure it’s ender pearls that you’ve brought him. But still he opens it, and he’s immediately taken aback by the smooth golden candies you brought him.

“They’re honey candies.” At this point you’re practically grinning. “I thought you might like some while I was making them last night.”

He doesn’t have to see his own face to feel the deep blush setting in on his cheeks and ears. You…. you’re so…… sweet. You are very…. sweet, he admits to himself, and he is very not attached to you. Not at all.)

#7: Fundy and Sapnap tie.

Fundy-

Has his old man's cluelessness but is a fast learner. He doesn’t have much time to expand his food repertoire so it’s pretty much the basic stuff that he’s eaten during the war or before that when he was younger.

He really likes cooking though, and will invite you to come cook with him for dinner or lunch if he wants to hang out. When they were together, Dream had given him an old dusty cookbook that had several recipes he hadn’t ever heard of before, so that’s where most of what he tries to make comes from. His favorite to date was a special mutton dish that he asked you to try with him on his last birthday. It was just the two of you, but he had never had so much fun before.

Doesn’t like eating fish however, there’s just some bad vibe he gets when he thinks about cooking one or catching one. (Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Despera-)

Loves sweet berries as treats, seeing as that’s the only sweet thing he grew up with. Not too big on other sweet flavors. Likes honey in his tea though.

7th place cooker, will get higher as he learns more dishes.

(He raises his wine high with a laugh, clinking your glass with it as you both giggle drunkenly.

The lamb you had cooked together turned out amazing, juicy and tender and flavored with crimson fungus juice. The recipe was from an old cookbook he had, he faintly remembers telling you, hiding the fact that it was Dream’s cookbook that he was given after a particularly nasty argument.

He doesn’t want to think about him, especially not while he’s with you. Especially not when it’s his birthday.

So instead he ponders the trip through the nether he took with you to harvest some of the fungi, how the juice was tangy and slightly bitter, but how it had done wonders when basted onto the meat while frying.

You had looked so happy when you two plated the dish, so proud of him, all in a way that Dream never was.

Even now, as you tiredly smile at him from across the table, cheeks pink and eyes focused solely on the moment you were sharing, he feels at peace for once. This is what contentment felt like. Oh, how he loves you so.)

Sapnap-

Shame the shit cooker. Ok ok, he’s not as bad as some of the others on this list, but that’s just because he can make a half decent breakfast. It’s not much competition.

Bad has desperately tried to teach this boy some cooking besides eggs and toast, but the only things that seem to have stuck are mashed potatoes and grilled pork chops. Neither of which he even likes enough to make often.

He prefers fish to meat, and would eat any kind of cod you offered to him. Likes smoked salmon a lot, it’s something Bad made for him a lot when he was younger. He tries to recreate the dish, but comes up short and feels disheartened when it isn’t like Bad’s. He’d appreciate any time you took with him to learn how to make the dish, and it wholly sticks to his mind afterwards. He never forgets the experience, and treasures it very closely.

Likes not-sweet sweets. Not bitter per say, but just not very sweet. He likes chewy taffy in particular, but the old lady kind that lasts 60 years but gets hard in 6 minutes after being exposed to open air. Gotta be polite about it too, or he’ll end up embarrassed and pout for an hour.

(He’s eaten 6 of those fucking taffies since you sat down on the couch, completely straight-faced as the two of you of you listen to Dream and George talking.

At this point you’re completely checked out of their conversation, solely focused on the taffy Sapnap keeps eating. Where does he even get those? How many does he have?? You’ve been friends with him long enough to have seen him pop a taffy every other second of the day. He seems to have a stash on him at all times tucked away, filled with paper-wrapped pastel covered sweets.

“Want one?” Sapnap asks, holding out a light blue taffy with a little star drawn in yellow dye on the wrapper.

“What?” Startled, you lean back a bit and realize you had been staring him down as he ate, and flush with how rude that probably seemed.

“Want a taffy? I don’t mind sharing with you, cutie.” He winks and offers the taffy again. “....” You gaze at the taffy curiously. You’ve never seen him offer another person one of his precious taffies before. Hmm. “...Yes, thanks.”

You take it delicately, unwrapping the wrapper and taking a bite of it experimentally. It’s very lightly sweet, soft and chewy and surprisingly pleasant.

Sapnap watches you from the corner of his eye, softly smiling when he sees you eat the rest of it. Glad to see someone else has good tastes around here.)

#8. George-

Meager man makes a meager meal. I said what I said!!! This flatbread boy knows diddly squat, and the only things he can cook successfully are bread and mushroom soup. Which he will make. And that’s all he’ll make. Any food that isn’t that is cooked by either Bad or Dream, and he’s still picky about it.

He’ll make you the soup and bread ladies and gents. I’m not saying they’ll taste great together, but he will definitely make them for you. Anything else he’s pretty critical about, and he doesn’t care much for treats or dessert. He does occasionally like dark chocolate though, which he and Dream will beg Bad to make for them. Soon he begs you to make it for him, and then you have to go ask Bad how he makes it so George won’t complain about how it tastes different from Bads. It’s a weird situation. You make a lot of chocolate. Dream and George linger at your house for weeks on end until you get fed up and shoo them away with a broom.

To his credit, even though he can’t cook much, he’s really proud of his mushroom stew. Any time you let him cook, his go-to is his mushroom stew. He likes to feed you and know that you’re not hungry somewhere, and to top it off he gets to show you his prized dish; not Bad’s or Dream’s stew, but his. He’s cute or whateva…

(George places the bowl down in front you, stepping back and turning to grab his own, before sitting down next to you. He immediately begins to eat, and you give him a half glance as you bring the soup up to smell it.

It… doesn’t smell that bad, actually. Not burnt, at least. You spoon some of the soup into your mouth.

Despite all you’ve seen of George’s cooking, this is pretty well made. It’s nice and warm, and the flavors are rich and the mushrooms soft. You choose to ignore the small smile of his face next to you, and keep eating your soup quietly together.)

#9: Wilbur

Wilbur can’t cook for shit. Literally nothing. This man knows apples grow from trees and that animals are made of meat and that’s it.

You think Wilbur made any of his food when he was president or exiled or ever? Not a chance. He ate anything given to him, Tubbo and Tommy absolutely brought this man all the food they could find so he wouldn’t get eat straight trash or starve throughout the presidency. Techno slid him bare cooked potatoes in Pogtopia and he thought “oh this slaps….. this is the pinnacle of food”

Which I know, not really sexy. But! This means that the moment you feed him something a step up from a bare cooked potato he is in food heaven. He especially loves saucier kinds of foods with lots of flavor and spice to them, it’s just so fucking good. Food becomes his kryptonite after you feed this silly man.

With sweets, however, he isn’t that much of a fan. He does like those small lemon creme crackers, and you and da boys are the only ppl he’ll share them with.

(You hear him before you see him. The familiar clambering at your window draws your attention away from the pork you were dicing, and one look over your shoulder shows a disheveled but grinning Wilbur.

“I hope I’m not too late for dinner.” He jokes, brushing off his pants before approaching you to press a kiss to your temple. Soon after that you hear another set of clambering, and two pairs of stomps reveals one Tommy and one Tubbo respectively.

“What’s for dinner tonight, mate?”

“Hope you don’t mind if we join in!”

You sigh, turning back to hide your smile before they can see it.)

// Hope you enjoyed! I might write a pt2 of this later with some other ppl in it lol we’ll see :3

259 notes · View notes

starlight-writes-stuff · 3 years

Note

Can I request how the feral boys would ask you/ what they would do for your first time sleeping over as their girlfriend? That sounds weird but I hope you know what I mean lol. I love your writing by the way!

hi friend , and thank u ! i appreciate it <3 this is a super cute idea and i had a lot of fun writing it ,,,,, im so soft for them i can't . xoxoxoxoxo , starlight

AYO LOOK AT THESE : the smallest bit of smut but overall fluff ! soft feral boys content , come get yall juice

reblogs are always appreciated !!! <3

dream

wouldn’t be planned tbh , you’d been at his place all day and you’re both too tired to drive

you’d start to call an uber and clay would turn your phone over

“you could… stay here, if you want?”

it was a no brainer

of course you’d stay with him

clay would be so excited , smiling through his sleepy haze

he’d finally get up from his computer just to shower you with kisses all over your face

he’d tackle you back onto his bed , his soft , silly kisses turning into lingering, hard kisses

all teeth and tongue and his hands all over you

he’d get one of his legs between yours, shuddering at the way you’d whine into his mouth

his hands would make their way down to your hips

he’d grind your hips down on him , your sleepiness only making you more sensitive

you bet your ass that he’d make you cum just from grinding on his thigh

he lives in a constant state of horny™ even when he’s tired

clay would be so cocky at how he’d made you finish , doing virtually nothing

but he would go so soft at the way you were exhausted after that , yawning and rubbing your eyes

‘baby’ , ‘love’ , ‘pretty girl’

so affectionate

you could’ve fallen asleep just like that but clay makes you get up and change

“baby , you don't want to sleep in your clothes”

“sleep in mine instead”

you would just grumble back at him until he would physically lift you out of bed

clay would help you out of your clothes

he’d put you in his sweats and a giant dream hoodie

just incase sap walked in for some reason

doesn't want him seeing any of the goods™

he’d carry you to the bathroom and find an extra toothbrush

clay would absolutely try to talk to you while brushing his teeth and the two of you would laugh s o hard at each other trying to talk with mouths full of toothpaste

again , he would pick you up and carry you back to his bed , shutting the door behind the two of you

“don't you want to say goodnight to sap?” “no :)”

the two of you would fall onto his bed and be asleep within 10 minutes , completely tangled in each other

he talks in his sleep

but you snore

so its even

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

george

soft george my beloved

he’d probably plan your guys first ‘sleepover’

he would want to make it special , and definitely do something memorable

george would bring it up to you like a week before

he’d practically invite you like it was a birthday party :,)

i can't

he’d make reservations for a nice dinner before and get all dressed up

george would pick you up and hold your hand on the console

he’d open all the doors for you

he'd pull out your c h a i r

yall would definitely be cracking jokes all throughout dinner in the middle of this fancy restaurant

george would ABSOLUTELY knock his silverware off the table at some point

you would have to fight to not spit your drink out , laughing so hard

he’d skip on desert at the restaurant and take you to dairy queen or something

it would be the two of you in your fancy attire , sitting outside some tiny ice cream parlor

looking at eachother like you were the only two people on earth

yall are in L O V E

once you two got home george would carry your overnight bag in

he would change immediately

bc he h8’s fancy clothes

but wanted to dress up for you

after you guys changed into pajamas , you’d stay up talking for hours

he’d tell you stories of him and all the feral boys

you’d tell him stupid things you did as a kid

the two of you would want to make the most of the extended time you had together and stay up until like 2 in the morning

george’s voice would get all low and raspy from talking for so long

you’d fall asleep on the couch together when you physically couldn’t hold your eyes open anymore

george would wake up when the sun started shining through the blinds

he would carry you up to his bed

then promptly fall back asleep with you in his arms

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

sapnap

snapmap my love .

this man doesn’t plan shi t

it would be very spur of the moment , the two of you laughing at some joke that he made when he’d grab your hand suddenly v serious

“will you sleep with me tonight?”

he’d look so earnest while asking that and you would BURST into laughter

it would take nick a hot sec to realise what he’d said and once he did . he would simply . disintegrate .

he would be so dramatic about it too

“i was trying to be romantic ! stop laughing at me !”

and you would just sit there , laughing so hard that you couldn’t produce noise anymore , just silent wheezes

you would start to cry and nick would pOUT

you would just nod , literally unable to produce words

but sap would brighten up at that

“so you’ll stay the night?”

once you got control of yourself , the two of you continued on doing what you were doing

it was like a normal day other than the fact that it ,,,, wouldn’t end

you two watched movies and played minecraft all day , being lazy together

you’d doordash dinner or order pizza or something so you didn’t have to leave the house

he’d have to stream and you would just chill , eating pizza in bed

once it became apparent that the stream was gonna last longer than planned , you would quietly come up behind him and drop a kiss on his cheek

he’d grin at you but be confused ???

you’d text him so your voice wouldn’t pop up on stream

‘gonna take a shower / keep myself busy’

he’d text back a single ‘👍🏼’

sapnap texts like a dad and NO ONE can tell me otherwise

you’d shower and get dressed , then wander down to the kitchen trying to find something to do

scavenger hunt™ for cookie ingredients

you’d bake his favorite and surprise him with a warm cookie im s o f t

the SMILE that would cross his face my god

he would feel so loved

he’d mute stream to thank you, putting his hands around your waist and burying his face into your stomach

you k n o w he’d find some way to end stream early after that , wanting to be with you

the two of you would finish off all the cookies , watching scary movies together

he’d hold you when you jump at all the spooky shit

you’d do the same for him bc sap is baby

chat . i'm kinda scared . lowkey .

you were both half asleep by the time you made your way back up to his room

you’d be lights out the minute your head hit the pillows

and he’d be big spoon

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

karl

karl would probably ask you that day , texting you before you’d even come over to ask if you would stay the night

you two had technically slept over before , but never at karl’s place (usually pulling all nighters with the feral boys on stream or with the beast crew)

you can not tell me . that karl . would not build a fort . with you .

and he would 100% go all out with it

he’d get lights to string up on the inside (the twinkle ones for sure)

he would get a fuckton of pillows and the softest blankets he can find and pile them in

karl would essentially make a nest for the two of you

you’d spend the first hour alone sharing soft kisses and cuddling so close that you weren't sure where you ended and karl began

he’d hold you , letting you lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat

you’d talk about everything and nothing at all , just wanting to hear each other’s voices

until someone’s stomach growled

he’d laugh until he couldn't breathe

you had tears rolling down your face , your stomach hurting from the giggles

he’d either take you to get food before or doordash your favorite

because neither of you can cook blESS

you’d pick out cute , matching pajamas for your first official night together

but

he’d end up giving you his clothes to sleep in

because he likes you wearing his stuff

and it's more comfortable than your fancy pajamas

he’d cover his eyes and face a blanket/wall while you were changing

the only time either of you would leave the fort would be for more snacks or to go to the bathroom

karl would bring his laptop in and turn in a movie as you two were settling in for the night

(some super dumb kids movie)

(my brain immediately went to the lorax)

(i’ll see myself out)

and he’d stay awake until you fell asleep, your face buried into his t-shirt

it made his heart so full that you felt safe enough to fall asleep with him

he’d play with your hair and trace over your features as soft as possible

because you're just so beautiful when you’re asleep ??

karl murmurs how much he loves you , everything that he loves about you while he knows you can't hear it

he’d drift off with you still in his arms, his lips pressed to the top of your head in a sweet, gentle kiss

and the two of you would stay like that the entire night , keeping each other warm

im so soft for him

can u tell

karl jacobs my love

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

quackity

listen

everyone writes big q as a stupid dumb dummy

and while he can be that at some times

this man would be so fucking thoughtful ??? when it came to his girl ?????

you literally can't tell me otherwise .

much like gogy he would plan something special

but like

he can COOK yall

he’d make you a nice ass dinner

and set up a picnic in the backyard

he’d light candles and make it all fancy

literally it would be a scene out of a movie

once you finished eating dinner the two of you would watch the sunset

he’d play guitar and sING FOR YOU

you’d stay outside soaking in the heat even after the sun had gone down

stargazing for as long as you could

alex would put his arm around you and have you lay on his chest

you’d listen to his heartbeat while you pointed out the big dipper

he’d make up his own constellations aljidhkuvgfhadj

you two would only go inside because you were being eaten alive by mosquitos

one of you would play music off your phone and yall would slow dance in the kitchen

he would repeatedly tell you how much he loved you , pressing tender kisses to your neck , your jaw

until a fucking ad would play

and alex would just lose his shit

he would laugh so hard he’d ipad kid cough

then you would simply ascend

the two of you would be laying on the kitchen floor absolutely D Y I N G of laughter

you’d stay there for a while , trying to recover

by the time you did , your ribs were sore from all the giggles

alex would pick you up and throw you over his shoulder , walking you up to bed

he’d suplex you onto the mattress

the two of you are children around each other tbh

that would lead to a wrestling match

until you’d found your way onto his lap , pinning him by his wrists

w h e w

the way that man would kiss you after that ? bye im gone

lets just say by the time he was finished you would both be exhausted

he’d tell you how pretty you were , how good you did

the two of you would fall asleep with tangled limbs , half kissing

102 notes · View notes

princessofprocrastination · 3 years

Text

Not Even Real (Sapnap)

MASTERLIST

pairing : sapnap x reader

summary : everyone shipped them even from the start, but what they don’t know is that it’s all just a one sided love, and none of the relationship was ever real. (ANGST)

they think we live in a movie, that our love was created from the start, that it was written down on a piece of paper, that this was meant to be, that we’re lucky.

but they’re wrong. they don’t know how hurt you are. they don’t see how unhappy you are behind the four walls of your room, when you’re away from them.

they don’t know how hard you try to stop yourself from spewing out the truth. the truth he doesn’t want to let out. the truth that it was all for show.

it started friendly, meeting each other from the love of playing minecraft. you met clay or more known as dream, first. you two became close on social media as you watched one of his first videos on youtube.

the friendship was smooth sailing, and you thought your life couldn’t get any better. you then met george, but never made it to meet since you lived all away at texas.

not long after that, you three became super close friends with nick, sapnap, it seemed so perfect, he was your age and he lived in texas, too.

then you met the rest, like darryl, who’s known as badboyhalo. the five of you were inseparable, constantly playing minecraft, trying out new codes for your respective channels.

none of you had met officially, in real life but nick and you agreed to meet since you lived really close to each other, anyways.

it started as a friendly little diner “date.” when you two met, it wasn’t awkward, not even a little. you two would not shut up about minecraft or any other new games for you to play.

and since you two also already had respective face reveals, you sent the groupchat a selfie of you two, showing them that you two had met each other, even before everyone else did.

the rest of you did eventually meet, specifically in brighton. you all flew to england to meet them, you and nick getting plane tickets together and meeting at the airport on the day of departure.

of course, as of many public figures, you get shipped with many people.

it started of with dream, then george, thne wilbur, at some point because people saw how close you all were. of course soon enough, you and nick were bound to be shipped too.

it was all an opinion, none of the ships died down, yet the ships just kept coming. you never thought it was annoying until you realize you fell for the one and only texan.

you didn’t fall easily. in fact, you had only been in one other relationship, which had ended really badly that once you left highschool, you didn’t want to be tied down anymore.

nick and you just seemed to be grower closer and closer together, so close that people started speculating something.

of course, as a normal person, you had imagined what it would be like to date him, what it would be like to not be friends with him, but more.

and as a normal girl, before you sleep, you’d hope that he was deep in love with you just as much.

but that wasn’t the case.

nick saw the rumours, the ship comments. he wasn’t particularly bothered by them. and as of any big group, containing a girl, the girl was bound to be shipped with everyone.

the boys had a separate group chat on discord. some things, they just didn’t want you to know.

in there, nick was teased a lot, being the only one that was your age.

he didn’t know why he thought about it, but he did. he questioned himself what would it be like to date you.

no, not for real. he just thought about what it was like to fake date you and act like you two were a couple in front of your friends and your supporters.

when he had told you the idea, you were shocked. thank god he called you normally, not on facetime, or else you would’ve made it so obvious that you loved him.

your heart was beating out out your chest when he proposed the idea of dating.

but your heart sunk down to your stomach the moment he said that he wanted to prank people by fake dating.

you never thought he would be that person. the person to break your heart. he probably doesn’t know it was hurting you anyway. but still, it hurt like shit.

you two agreed that none of the other boys should know about it, and to only tell that that you two realized you liked each other and decided to date.

since then, it was never the same.

there were some pros and cons. well, more cons than pros, in your opinion.

sure, you’d get to act like you actually a couple in front of the camera and your friends, but that just made you feel worst.

everyday, you heart just gets heavier at the weight of the truth on your shoulders.

nick and yourself booked tickets to fly to england the second time, meeting an extended version of the dream team.

you were excited to meet tommy and tubbo, along with the rest, of course.

since all of you decide that it would be better to rent out an airbnb, everyone was staying in one house. lucky for you, niki was also there, which meant that you weren’t going to be the only girl.

that also meant that you didn’t need to bunk in with nick, instead, you had to room with niki, which you happily agreed to.

walking out the arrival hall with nick was hard, you had to suck it up and act happy for the sack of pranking your friends.

nick had no clue that his proposal had been eating you up. he noticed that you were off but he just though you were having a bad day.

when you all met at the airbnb, everyone was so welcoming and they left you and nick for a while to rest after the flight.

during dinner was when it all went down. the questions spewed out like water. it never stopped. you would answer them but you’d leave nick to answer most, seeing that he made this up anyway.

the night was terrible for you. to show the rest that you two were actually dating, you had to sit close to each other throughout the entire trip. you’d have to cuddle during movie night, sit by each other whenever you ate meals, hold each others hands.

you’d have to act happy in front of them, for the sake of nick. never in a million years, you thought that you had to sacrifice your happiness for someone you love.

when you two flew back to texas, you tried your best not to say anything. you didn’t want to snap at him for no reason. you weren’t angry at him, how could you. you were just upset at how he’s doing so well acting it out.

you were upset seeing this because this meant he didn’t even like you, yet love you.

everyday, your mental health became worst. you couldn’t believe you’re even getting up to stream anymore.

multiple times, you’ve asked yourself “why am i doing this? what was the point? what would be the consequence of just saying you didn’t want to do this anymore?”

you knew once you said you wanted to leave this fake relationship that it would mean you’ll lose your friends, your only friends.

as days go by, you didn’t even feel like picking up your phone anymore. you didn’t want to see the cute photos your friends took of you and nick. to which nick had told you to put as your wallpaper in order to make it more believable.

the fans that saw your wallpaper on tommy’s vlog went crazy. they had see nick’s, too. a photo of you smiling. everyone thought it was adorable. and so did you, but you were more hurt than happy.

you didn’t want to this anymore. you hated lying. to your fans, your friends. you hated how the truth weigh you down. you needed to tell someone.

since you and clay had been friends for so long, you knew that if you were to tell someone, that it would be him.

so you called him that day. more specifically, you facetimed him.

“hello?” he greeted me, but was confused on why i was calling him.

“i just need to tell you something, and you can’t tell anyone else for my sake.” you told him, starting to cry.

“oh my god, you’re crying.” he looked concern.

you poured everything out that day. every single detail you could spew out, you did.

the weight on your shoulder lessened, but not enough. you needed to get away from all the chaos.

clay was surprised. he never thought that the relationship would be fake. he thought you two are fated together.

maybe it was just the acting. clay was surprised when you cried on facetime.

this meant that it was very serious. he told you that he would be there for you throughout this thing, and that you’ll figure it out soon.

during minecraft manhunt, while george was afk and you all weren’t recording anymore, clay asked nick about you.

“she’s amazing man, i see her everyday.” he says. clay can sense the smile as he says that.

damn, he was a good actor. you and nick hadn’t met since coming home from brighton, and clay knew that.

you called clay everyday since then, always updating him about things that are going on.

to clay’s surprise, nick hadn’t even checked in on her since they arrived back in texas.

sure, nick is clay’s bestfriend but this was unacceptable. clay cared about you so much. he hated to see you this broken. not when the texan boy had no clue that this was his doing.

you didn’t get any better. worse, actually.

clay was nervous. he was so worried. worried that you’d do something you regret. something you can’t take back. clay wished he could time travel and make it better from the start.

you hadn’t streamed in so long. your excuse was that you had been sick. acceptable excuse. but not to clay, no.

he needed to act fast before you do something drastic.

the fans who were worried about you constantly asked nick about you.

“she’s fine, just feeling under the weather.” he’d say.

the more you stayed in texas, the more pain it brought you. you needed to leave.

you were in too deep in the nest of feelings you made in your brain. you made it so you could forget nick. but every time you open your social media, there would always be questions about nick and you.

you were sick of it, the constant pain in your chest that never rests. the tweets that you would see about your disappearance.

you knew people were worried about you. but to you, the only one you cared to be worried about you was nick. and so far, he didn’t give two fucks about your whereabouts.

that sucked. but you needed to let go.

when you told clay this, he welcomed you to stay with him with open arms. so you got right into work and packed all your stuff to permanently live with him.

nick. he didn’t know what he has doing. he didn’t understand why he didn’t just pick u his phone and send you a text, to make sure you were okay. he didn’t know all this was his fault.

it sounded selfish, but he enjoyed the attention when he announced that you and him are dating.

he never really sat down to think about you. to him, it was like a contract.

platonic contract for content. for views. like a script.

the day you were leaving for florida, he sat down on his bed just thinking about you. he couldn’t understand why he was, but he did.

he thought about how weird this was. script or not, this seemed wrong. very wrong. he never thought about your feelings. he never prioritized your feelings or you in general.

he felt bad. now that he thought about it, he hadn’t spoken to you since you came back from england.

he picked up his phone to call you, to ask if you were okay. it didn’t go through.

weird.

then he thought about the time chat kept on asking him about you, asking him to go to her house and check on you. he always told his fans that you were okay and that he had already gone to check on you.

but that was far from the truth. but no one knew that.

he didn’t know that the reason why his call didn’t go through was because you were on a plane, leaving texas, leaving him.

he sent you a text so that you could get back to you later.

he didn’t know that you were writing a paragraph on your notes app. a paragraph to apologize to your fans. to nick’s fans. for lying to them all this while.

you held in your tears as you sat in the plane to florida for 2 and a half hours. although you were sad to leave one of the people you love the most, but you knew that to keep your mental health stable, you needed to leave him behind.

you bought wifi on the plane so that you could text clay and the rest of the boys, plus niki. you couldn’t leave them hanging, there were the people who stayed with you through everything, the good and the bad.

you texted them on discord and posted the note paragraph you saved and screenshotted.

you let out a breath of relief once you posted and texted your friends. finally, the heavy weight is off your shoulders.

you saw a text from nick. you knew you had to restrain yourself. you couldn’t go back to him. it would hurt you even more, even if he didn’t know it hurt you.

you texted clay once you landed, making sure he knew which part of the arrival hall you’d be at.

you walked out as the automatic glass doors open, seeing clay sitting on one of the benches. you smiled at him as he notices your arrival, pushing your trolley full of multiple bags you brought.

clay ran up to you to give you a hug as you got closer. he hugged you tightly, to show you that he is here for you, always.

“i am so proud of you. for being brave enough to leave your comfort zone, for willing to start fresh.” he whispers in your ear, still hugging you.

you almost teared up. “come on, let’s go home.” he pushes your trolley, leading you to his car.

you were drained when you came back to clay’s house, now yours too. emotionally, and physically drained.

although that wasn’t a long plane ride, the sleepless nights are finally catching up to you.

you opened instagram, remembering the screenshot you posted a while ago on the plane. your phone almost glitched at the amount of people tagging you or commenting on your photos. some even dming you.

you were overwhelmed with the amount of support your fans brought to you. they told you to take a break, to slowly settle in florida with clay, away from the public eye.

you also read all your friends’ texts. they were fully supportive of your decision. although it sounded easy, they said they were proud of you for even thinking about leaving your hometown, let alone actually doing it.

you even opened the texts from nick. it went from “hey, are you getting better?” to “what’s with your post on instagram”

you thought about texting him, to get a full closure. some people needed that. and him being one of your bestfriends, you cared about him immensely.

the most recent text he sent, said “i understand why you did it, i’m sorry i acted like i didn’t care. i hope you know that i’ll be here for you, whenever you’re ready to talk to me again. please take care of yourself. i love you so much.”

your heart skipped a beat when you read his text, especially when he said “i love you”. you had to tell yourself that he didn’t mean it that way, that he meant to say he loved you as a friend, not a lover.

you looked back at the screenshot you posted, rereading it.

it read. “hi guys. it’s been a while, and i’ve been aware. i’m not one to lie, and i feel immensely guilty for keeping you guys in the dark for this long. first of all, i haven’t been sick lately, not a normal flu, that’s for sure. my mental health has been on the all time low. this had been the lowest i have ever been in years since i became a public figure. secondly, i haven’t been fully truthful to you guys about my relationship. i would just like to say that nick is an amazing person. he has never hurt me, not intentionally. him and i decided that it would be a great idea to fake a relationship between the two of us. this was no one’s fault but my own, for agreeing to it. i have loved nick even from the start, till now. and although i knew that i had feelings for him, i still agreed. and that is no one’s fault but my own.”

you scrolled down more to read the next half. “i had to live with a heavy weight on my shoulder for a couple months, thus me making this. you guys have been super supportive through thick and thin, so i felt guilty for lying to you for this long. and to clear things up, this does not mean i am leaving the dream team. in fact, i am moving in with dream! i hope you guys understand to what extent this has gone to and why i disappeared fr so long without explanation. i love you guys, forever and always. thank you for staying with me this long, i hope you stay. see you soon!” it finishes.

you teared reading it all over again. you knew this was a bad idea, to read it again.

been only a day but you really miss sapnap. it’s not easy to drop every thing in texas to move away from somewhere that you’ve called home. but this is your new home now.

SAPNAP’S POV

i knew i should’ve texted her earlier, to check on her, to make sure she’s okay.

i knew there was something wrong, i called it. but because of my stupidity, i wasted her love for me.

and for what? content? it wasn’t worth it.

now i’ve lost her. potentially forever. i don’t know how to get her back. not after what i did to her. not after what my ignorance did to her.

i needed to get her back but i knew that this break waws good for her, this move was good for her. she deserved the break she has now. and i won’t talk to her until she’s ready to talk to me.

i’ll be waiting, till she comes.

#sapnap imagines #sapnap x reader #sapnap imagine #sapnap

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violexides · 3 years

Text

The DreamSMP Explained (By Someone Who Has Never Watched Any DreamSMP Stream)

cracks knuckles. okay, fucking FINALLY doing this. ahem.

Couple things to preface with, will keep this brief.

This isn’t entirely blind. One of my best friends has helped out in places, just because I wanted to hit on everything (accurate or not), and I know mutuals/friends who post and write about DreamSMP (though how much of that is AU or canon-typical, I can’t say. I can’t tell). I’ve never seen a single stream, but I’ve seen a few clips. So, my understanding is a bit more than the title may imply, but still not a lot. Sorry.

Also, this will be very, very long (near 2k words). All under the cut, will TW this with themes of abuse, death, manipulation, unreality, hallucinations, and me having an abrasive sense of humor where I revel in the glee of calling these guys European twinks. Though, speaking of. This is ALL about the actual characters, not the people. I don’t know anything about most of these actual streamers, so, no hate to them. In fact, I think they’re pretty cool for having come up with a… somewhat coherent… narrative, all through using Minecraft as a medium. Anyway.

Sigh. Without further ado,

So. There’s this place. Made by Philza, AKA God, AKA one of like six different gods. Philza, born from the womb acting like someone’s 43 year old uncle, has three kids. Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. There are other people here, with some scattered ancestry that raises some questions, but I don’t really care who fucked an Enderman and had an 8’0 tall kid (Ranboo DNI).

There are also places! Sometimes! On a good day, there are actual, intact locations. We’ve got hits like “The Badlands”, which I think was taken from about three different dystopian novels I read in third grade, “El Rapids” (Quackity, Subpoena (autocorrect wins this round), and Karl made this one), “Pogtopia”, no comment on this one, and “L’Manberg”, which Wilbur made.

Only one of these is going to be important.

So, might be a good time to say this: I don’t know what the inciting incident of DreamSMP is? I don’t know what was the catalyst for all this shit, but I’m going to take a guess and say Wilbur blowing up L’Manberg had something to do with it.

… That’s going to be a pattern, by the way. Just. Stick with me here.

So, Wilbur is an older child who read the Hamlet parts in literature class and can only cope by ripping down the very creations he has and taking the entire world down with him to hell. Which is to say, he throws a pity party after Jschlatt (some bitch who abused Quackity, that’s another trend, yippee) wins an election and decides to blow up the fucking kingdom and kill Jschlatt.

Little does Wilbur know, the devil may work fast, but Jschlatt getting a fucking stroke and dying out of nowhere works faster.

I’m not kidding. He gets a stroke, he dies, and Tubbo takes over. I’ve tried to puzzle out the government structure of DreamSMP for a while and have drawn zero conclusions. In any case, Wilbur also tells Philza, his… father…, to kill him. And Philza fucking does? For some reason, like, holy shit.

Anyway. Wilbur is now a ghost. So is Jschlatt. The… life system, on this server, is really strange and I don’t know how to fully explain it. Just know that nothing has permanence here.

I’m going to throw this out here because I don’t know when it’s relevant, but I wrote down something about Karl being in a place called the In Between. I don’t know how the hell he got there or what the hell he’s doing. This might be where the discs are? I can’t explain the discs. I… think they are fighting over the discs? Don’t know why, Wilbur makes music himself, I feel like you have enough to go around.

(Stream Saline Solution it reminds me of my best friend only if you want okay thx)

L’Manberg gets blown up again. This time, Techno did it. He did it just after giving this speech about Theseus, which, jokes aside-- the writing of DreamSMP is actually really good. That was all done on improv, and I did watch an animatic with some of the audio from it, and damn. I’m a whore for metaphor and I love this for him.

This happens, and Ranboo and Tommy decide to do a little hehe and burn down George’s house. Who is George? Good question: a king. Of what? Good question: call me the antithesis of a Ranboo kinnie and get me some discs because I hear no answers.

Dream gets pissed off by this (who gave him authority, I don’t know) and builds a wall. He for some reason decides that if Tommy, and only Tommy, breaks some rules, the wall will stay up forever. So, naturally, Tommy immediately yells at him, and Tubbo gets pissed (what happened to the whole, who are you without me, yourself, thing?). Dream exiles him, which is bad enough, but then Dream burns down his house, so now he’s double exiled.

Dream kins Julius Caesar but Julius Caesar does not kin Dream and I think that’s important.

(It had to be important enough for me to literally go back and edit this in, for no reason, because I think I’m really fucking hilarious.)

Techno takes in Tommy and shows him his super secret cave of evil, which Tommy promptly screams at. Philza and Ranboo visit sometimes, but mostly Tommy just sits there. Dream says “fuck you” to Techno, but Techno decides to wage war on L’Manberg, so Quackity and co. come over to try and kill Techno, but Techno kills Quackity with a pickaxe, but Quackity has three lives for some reason, and then Dream blames Ranboo for blowing something up for literally zero reason, and can you tell how tired I am.

Ranboo sees a smiley face in his notebook and zones the fuck out while Dream tries to kill… Tommy? No, Tubbo. No, fuck, no it was Tommy. I don’t know why people suddenly care about it n- NO, NO IT WAS TUBBO, he is TRYING to kill TUBBO.

I hate Europeans.

Ahem. Dream goes to jail, but he has books in jail, which is a horrible idea. Everyone knows that if you give a war criminal some novels he’ll accidentally haunt someone else’s dreams and launch psychological warfare with the prison guard, Sam, who has zero idea what he’s doing because he probably didn’t sign up for this.

Also, I’m gonna say this here because I don’t know when it will fit in. There’s this place. Called… the Egg. Now, I don’t know what goes on in the Egg. I don’t know what the Egg is. I don’t know who decided to name all these fucking things, because I think the Egg is just a box made of bedrock. I think Ranboo hallucinates about it, but Ranboo hallucinates about everything so I’m not really sure. I’m going to call it here and say that this is probably a bad sign.

People are trying to talk to Dream. First BadBoyHalo, who gives Ranboo this little note from Dream with a smiley face. Or maybe that was SapNap. Either way, Ranboo hallucinates seeing Dream, and then actually sees Dream but he thinks he’s hallucinating? I don’t know.

Then we get Tommy. Basically he kind of comes in here and Sam, being a good prison guard, allows Dream to beat Tommy to death and then revive him (don’t ask about the revivals just pretend it makes sense please). He tells Tommy he’s also going to revive Wilbur which Tommy isn’t a big fan of, considering that Wilbur, uh. Vague hand gestures. You get the schtick. Hopefully. I don’t know.

Anyway. Uh. Quackity loses his shit, also.

As in he talks to Jschlatt, the ghost of his abusive husband. Makes a deal-- if Quackity here loses, he revives Jschlatt. I don’t know what the winning conditions are, but, thankfully, they don’t matter because Quackity loses damn near instantly.

So he goes to Dream and Sam gives him really powerful gear for no reason. Dream is a bit terrified by this situation, and Quackity is like “give me the fucking book”, and then we never find out what happens because Quackity ends up covered in blood about to blow up El Rapids. I hadn’t expected to mark Quackity off on the demolitionist bingo, but hey, all’s fair I guess. My next bets are on Tubbo or whichever bitch became god of the sea.

(I also made a joke to my friend about me kinning Quackity (the character not the streamer could you fucking imagine), to which they said “you’d torture someone for information”? So. I guess Dream, uh. Hm. That explains why Quackity was bloodied. Uh. Oops. Don’t know why he’s playing Poker, though.)

So, for my sanity, as we come to a close, I’m going to start listing lore details that I don’t know nearly enough about but are probably important. Just… bullet point them. Might be a bit tacky of me but I have shit to do, dammit. By that I mean, I don’t have shit to do, but I’ve had this doc open for literally 1-2 weeks and I just want to be freed.

List Of Other Shit That Happened:

Ranboo started an arg, so there’s a character named Z now. Can’t believe the kid I knew in middle school who didn’t know where the Middle East was made it into the dreamSMP omg!

Tubbo did something immoral, and we still don’t know who his dad is. By we, I mean me.

Eret exists. That’s all I’ve got for this one. They’re important. Probably.

Karl hallucinated six versions of himself and left the In Between to go to hell. (Lil Nas X girlboss gaslight gatekeep in this motherfucker!!!)

Ranboo and Tubbo got married because taxes exist </3

More on this last point: they opened a hotel, despite Tubbo being a king, and Tommy got mad at them for getting engaged without his permission. But Tommy was literally dead when they had the wedding so I’m not exactly sure what he was expecting. Either way, he’s fine with it now.

Kids getting adopted oh shit oh fuck. Also, mpreg is canotical. Make this what you will.

DreamXD is a god now. I don’t know who DreamXD is. I don’t think anybody else does either.

I’m like 60% sure George is dead.

I’m like 60% sure Philza is immortal.

Going through my ‘notes’ to make sure I didn’t miss anything and I’m just getting more confused, so I think I’m going to call it here. Props to everyone in the dreamSMP for creating kickass lore, I would not summarize any of it ever again if you held me at fucking gunpoint, and thanks to my mutuals/friends for letting me ask a lot of really stupid questions as I try to puzzle this out. And also, another thanks to you all for reading this. I hope to God this was funny.

I really, really, really fucking hope that Tumblr doesn’t cut this off for a long character count. This is longer than some of my fucking oneshots. My God. This was so fun, don’t get me wrong, but I also want a hit of a candy cigarette. Make it two, actually. Or three. All at once.

Anyway. Drink some water, stay safe, and remember that statistically speaking, 100% of people with a name starting with “T” need to put down the Greek mythology books and learn about the ethics behind pyromania. Goodbye, Theseus.

#dreamsmp #mcyt #FINALLY. FINALLY. FINALLY.#i have been sitting on this for literally two weeks i hope to god it's funny #phea (friend) said that they chortled at some parts so i guess that's good #sorry to my mutuals who do not care about this #dreamsmp is actually really neat though ngl i'm invested from a distance #also if this is funny i might start making more posts like #[] summarized without knowing about it #because my number one hobby is getting invested into things i know nothing about and continue to know nothing about #i feel like this is overwhelming hhh f/ck #anyway. this is all i think #god help you if you decide to read this

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autisticsupervillain · 3 years

Text

The Macabre Madame Megido

Here it is. My take on an Evil Aradia. Get cozy, it's a long one.

Oh, Aradia. Everyone's favorite chaos loving time goddess.

I'm going to have to take a different approach to Aradia then I did with John and Karkat. Out the three big bads I've created so far, Aradia has probably coped best with everything that has happened to her. She still has a lot of the same light in her eyes and she's able to accept her tragic past as a part of her. It certainly helps that the loved ones she's lost along the way came back to life, which is more than can be said about John and Karkat.

Simply digging open old wounds and then hammering in the nails in won't cut it this time. So, here's a different method...

After the creation of Earth C, Aradia distances herself from the rest of the cast somewhat. Not for any angsty reasons, mind you. It's just that, aside from Sollux, she isn't especially close to any of the people who made it to Earth C. Instead, she dedicates herself towards serving as a grim reaper of sorts. She seeks out the recently deceased in the dreambubbles and works to guide them through the afterlife, helping them come to grips with their death and work through their grief.

When she isn't doing that, she's hanging out with Sollux. Playing video games, talking shit, and making sure Sollux gets out of the house and doesn't waste away into his couch. It all settles into a nice little routine.

...Which she eventually gets bored of.

Aradia is an adventurer at heart. Yes, this happily ever after is nice. It's nice to finally live somewhere peaceful. It's nice to finally kick back and relax. It's so damn nice to not get yanked around by fate anymore. But, it's not in her nature to sit around and do nothing.

So, she grabs Sollux and drags him with her to the dreambubbles, intent on discovering her next adventure.

In time, she discovers it. Whispers echoing across Paradox Space of a mysterious artifact that reveals to its holder one absolute truth. That reveals one small part of how Paradox Space operates and puts its user one-step closer to absolute understanding of the nature of Paradox Space before vanishing to be found again by some other adventurer. They call it The Scroll of Secrets.

Aradia can't resist that challenge and Sollux knows damn well that he couldn't talk her down even if he wanted too.

Aradia and Sollux spend the next few years searching for this artifact. Investigating rumors, running into dead ends, and chasing desperate leads. In the end, it takes a bit of reasoning to figure out the truth. Aradia reasons that something that freely reveals cosmic secrets of that caliber would most likely belong to a Lord of Light, so they'd just have to find one and steal it from them. Sollux points out that stealing from someone who is both nigh-omniscient and nigh-omnipotent is likely to go horribly, but Aradia has an idea.

A Muse of Void would be the Masterclass that passively hides things. As such, even the barest influence of a Muse of Void should be enough to hide them from the Lord's sight, so long as he isn't actively looking for them. Just learning the name of a Muse should be influence enough to keep a Lord from seeing them and the only people who would know such a thing are the Horrorterrors. Lickily, Feferi is on good terms with the Horrorterrors and Sollux is on good terms with Feferi.

Aradia and Sollux track down Feferi in the dreambubbles and the three of them catch up. Aradia puts the whole quest thing on hold for awhile so they can catch up and spend some time together. Feferi admits to being weirdly nostalgic for questing with Sollux during their time in SGRUB and is quiet happy to help with their quest. Sollux and Aradia would also be happy to find a way to revive her afterwards, but Feferi asks them to hold on that idea. She's more useful to them dead then alive right now.

A few trolls against impossible odds, just like the good old days!

So, Feferi asks one of the Horrorterrors for the name of a Muse of Void and the three set of to steal from a Lord of Light. Sneak into the Lord's castle, steal the scroll, sneak out. Aradia had to stop herself from nabbing every ancient relic that wasn't nailed down.

The Scroll of Secrets shows the three a horrible truth.

Simply put, history is destined to repeat itself. There must always be a big bad. Some grand villain who will spread chaos across Paradox Space. A villain will rise, causes death and destruction, and will then be defeated by some underdog heroes.

As the scroll vanishes, Sollux grumbles about losing their hard earned happy ending. Feferi optimistically points out that they don't know when the next villain will rise. It could be long after they're all dead. Aradia suggests that they just look for some way to see into the future. That way they could see who the next villain was gonna be and plan accordingly.

While the Lord of Light would likely have something that would let them view the future, trying to steal from him again would be stupid. So, they instead decide to try their luck with his opposite. A Muse of Light would be able to grant them this level of precognition, the only issue was finding one. Luckily, Feferi had them covered. She just asked Horrorterrors to point them in the direction of the nearest Muse of Light.

The Muse is actually quite impressed that they managed to steal from a Lord of Light and finds Aradia to be quite the interesting conversational partner. She’s able to keep up with all the meta-narrative mumbo jumbo and her rebellious attitude provides a breath of fresh air for the Muse. So, the Muse agrees to give Aradia the future sight she needs.

Aradia looks into the future to find that she’s destined to be the next main villain.

She sees herself reclining in a large throne draped in shadow.

She sees herself floating in the sky as Earth C burns.

She sees herself staring down at the golden blood on her hands.

Aradia is taken aback briefly… but she quickly brushes it off. Aradia is used to being toyed with by fate by now and, more importantly, she has an out here.

Remember, John has Retcon Powers. He exists outside the typical rules of Paradox Space. If anyone could feasibly help them deny fate here, it’s him.

So, Aradia thanks the Muse for her time and she and Sollux head to visit John (Feferi can’t really join them, as she’s still dead and, thus, confined to the dreambubbles). They explain their situation and Aradia reveals her plan. Have John teleport her over to the Retcon Juju before John himself picked it up so she can collect it. The Retcon Powers would then allow Aradia to exist outside the laws of Paradox Space and keep her from turning evil per what fate had intended.

While that does sidestep the issue, Sollux cynically points out that now someone else would become the next villain. Aradia hadn’t so much solved the issue as she had handed off the “become the next villain” problem to someone else. They’re still likely to lose their happy ending.

So, Aradia, Sollux, and John meet back up with Feferi to discuss their next move. John brings up how Lord English seemed to be able to influence fate and the plot somewhat at the peak of his power, which he noticed while fighting him. Sollux cynically remarks that imitating Lord English is the very thing they were trying to avoid and Aradia kinda agrees. Aradia feels that she doesn’t really want to control the narrative. She wants to destroy it.

Think about it. Nothing suggests that they need a narrative to exist. Even if they were to operate under the assumption that they are fictional characters, they still wouldn’t need a narrative. Minecraft is a game with no narrative. No story. No plot. But characters still go about their lives within it. Villagers still live their daily lives, mobs still exist, and players still build things. All destroying the narrative would do is give them control over their lives.

John agrees with the idea, he felt he got dicked around by the plot a lot too before he got the Retcon Powers. Even Sollux admits that the idea would be pretty nice while Feferi just kinda goes along with it. She hasn’t really had the same experiences as the other three, but she trusts their judgement.

But, the same question remains. How are they gonna do it?

The four of them bat some ideas back and forth and this is the plan they come up with:

The Retcon Powers are the only known way to defy the plot and break the rules of the story. So, it makes sense that if they find a way to empower the Retcon Powers, they could be used as a means of destroying the narrative. They’d just need to find a way to do that. Aradia suggests asking a First Guardian, but John laments that Earth C doesn’t have one or, if it does, they haven’t found it yet. While they can time travel, none of them would be able to understand Becquerel and there’s no way they can trust Doc Scratch. Then, Feferi pipes up.

She’d been in the dreambubbles long enough to hear about Beforus and, logically speaking, Beforus would have a First Guardian. While they may not know where that First Guardian is, it’s likely Feferi's Beforus counterpart would. As the Empress, she’d have an interest in keeping tabs on an asset like that. So, the group teleports in to a Doomed Timeline Beforus and explain their situation. Her Everlasting Compassion specifically asks Feferi for proof. Aradia and John promptly demonstrate their God-Tier abilities, proving to the Compassionate that they are in fact Gods from another world.

In the ensuing conversation, HEC continues to only refer to and address Feferi, even occasionally speaking over the rest of the group. The group is quick to get annoyed and Feferi asks her to stop. HEC takes her younger self aside for a private chat, leaving her guards to “watch the lowbloods". Aradia is amused that she thinks the guards can do anything against two Gods and the strongest psionic on Alternia.

The Compassionate asks Feferi why she allows “her lowbloods" to be so mouthy. Feferi is very… put off by how the HEC sees it that way. She asserts that her companions deserve more respect. HEC dismisses this as a case of “agree to disagree" and changes the subject. The HEC promises that she’ll speak with her First Guardian and find a way to empower their Retcon Powers.

Her true intentions are a little more sinister however.

The next night, she has John and Aradia strap themselves into a machine she swears will enhance their powers and even makes a point of apologizing to them for last night. All Sollux has to do is start it up. All seems to be going well… until Sollux hears Aradia’s voice.

He hears Aradia’s voice in his head.

Sollux’s warning gives the two just enough time to escape the machine before it blows, although all three are highly injured.

Sollux doesn’t notice his injuries at first.

That's twice now he’s heard Aradia’s last words in his head. Twice that he knew that she was about to die. And this time he saved her life. He defied fate. He’d never felt so… free.

HEC orders the three be put into medical care faculties and consuls a distraught Feferi.

In truth, John and Aradia are being taken away to gave their powers studied and potentially extracted, while Sollux is chipped with a psionic dampener and taken to a daycare to be “re-educated so his needs can be met".

There, Sollux sees firsthand how lowbloods and mutants are treated on Beforus. They’re coddled. Handheld. They’re treated like children, well into adulthood, and have all their freedoms stripped away. Any showing of disobedience has them treated with shock therapy and, at worst, lobotomy .

HEC tries to guilt Feferi for this failure, implying that if she had taken “better care of her lowbloods” that this wouldn’t have happened. She’s trying to bring her counterpart around to her way of thinking.

In the HEC's mind, the highbloods protect and coddle the lowbloods from an uncaring world that they aren’t ready for. Lowbloods aren’t people her. They’re pets. Feferi, by contrast, has spent enough time with Aradia and Sollux to respect them and she finds the HEC's implications to be disturbing.

Luckily, Aradia and John prove to be difficult to contain. They easily escape their restraints, even with their injuries, and they team up to rescue Sollux.

The HEC sees this as another opportunity to try and make her point.

She has Feferi sent away to a separate location, knowing the three will first look for her at her palace. The HEC meets them there and, after feigning a fight, lies about Feferi’s location when defeated.

In truth, she sends them towards one of her daycares. The ensuing struggle with security inadvertently gets several bystanders killed.

While everyone is reeling from what they just did, the HEC spins the incident as “two lowbloods and a mutant" rejecting her “compassionate guidance”, resulting in massive casualties. She uses this to justify her policies to the public and tries to use this to convince Feferi that “her lowbloods" need her guidance and will only hurt themselves without her. Feferi almost believes her, but then questions what she could’ve done to stop them from screwing up like that.

John, Aradia, and Sollux regroup and teleport over to The Compassionate, overthrowing and killing her. Sollux finds and rescues Feferi, but he comes back to see Aradia staring blankly at the HEC's throne.

It’s the same throne Aradia saw in her vision.

It used to belong to HEC. From a certain point of view, Aradia inherited it.

Aradia notes this out loud and the three move to comfort her. Sollux brings up how, for the very first time, he was able to save someone who he heard die in his head. For the very first time, he defied fate, defied the inevitable, and saved her life. They clearly aren’t bound by inevitability anymore. Feferi, meanwhile, relates to where she’s coming from. HEC was… uncomfortably close to what she would probably be like if she hadn’t met any lowbloods growing up. If she hadn’t gotten to know Sollux and Aradia as people. Highbloods aren’t exactly raised to think of the needs of lowbloods very often, even in a comparatively peaceful setting.

Even still, Aradia is disturbed by the coincidence. Fate is an insidious thing. You tend to end up doing what it says, even when you think you’re ahead. So, Feferi comes up with an idea to ease Aradia’s conscience a bit.

Logically speaking, Beforus Feferi ending up the way that she die would be predestined to happen. She’d need to rule the way she did so that the Alpha Trolls would fail their session, allowing the Beta trolls to exist and so on. So, if they’re able to prevent Beforus Feferi from turning evil, that would prove that they’re still operating outside of the plot. John points out that that this is a Doomed Timeline, meaning they’re already outside of fate's boundaries anyways. Preventing Beforus Feferi from ending up like the HEC wouldn’t do anything. Feferi sheepishly admits to still not fully understanding how timelines work, as she has the least experience with all this meta narrative nonsense.

Regardless, Aradia agrees to go back with Feferi to prevent Beforus Feferi from becoming the tyrannical despot they had to deal with. Both Aradia and Sollux can kinda tell that this is affecting Feferi more than she lets on, even if they don’t say anything about it. Plus, it’ll help take Aradia’s mind off things, while Sollux and John stay in the present to find the First Guardian and get their advice.

Feferi and Aradia visit Beforus Feferi at various points in her life, giving her life advice and giving her the perspective Her Everlasting Compassion didn’t have. Meanwhile, John and Sollux are able to find where the First Guardian lives via the Beforus archives. The First Guardian tells them that, while this is slightly outside the realm of their omniscience, they do believe it could be possible to enhance the Retcon Powers with energy from the Green Sun.

The two teams meet up again in the dreambubbles afterwards and catch each other up on their little side adventures. Feferi wants to see how Beforus has changed now that they’ve fiddled the Beforus Feferi’s past.

When the group arrives on New Beforus, they find Her Imperious Benevolence waiting for them. They make polite conversation, getting HIB caught up on who John and Sollux are. HIB thanks Aradia, specifically, for all the advice she’d given over the sweeps and says she wants to thank her. So, as a gift, HIB gives her the throne of Beforus.

The same throne that Aradia saw in her vision.

All that existential dread that she’d been burying and avoiding all this time stabs through her all at once. No matter where she goes, no matter what she does, fate is still there. Mocking her. Taunting her. Controlling her. Just when she thinks she’s escaped it, something reminds her of that vision. Reminds her that she isn’t free.

As long as the narrative exists, she’s doomed to become the bad guy. That’s the only way she can interpret this. The only conclusion she can offer to the throne in her vision being outright handed to her.

Aradia maintains her composure and politely refuses. After Feferi talks HIB down and the group teleports back over to the First Guardian again. The First Guardian offers up a bit of their energy over to Aradia, explaining that she should be capable of absorbing it thanks to the Retcon Juju. Aradia takes the amount of energy offered, but then a thought occurs to her.

She’d get more energy if she absorbs more. And, with all the hints fate has been giving her, it’s entirely possible she’ll need it. She might still be on track to become the next villain, so she’ll need to destroy the narrative quickly. It should be fine, First Guardian’s are tough. She’ll just absorb a little bit more….

Next thing she knows, the First Guardian has dropped dead on the floor in front of her.

Everyone freaks out. Aradia quickly explains that it was an accident. She admits that she was likely still distracted by the throne earlier. She was still worried. Afraid that fate was hanging over her.

So, the group buries the First Guardian, show their respects, and leave.

As soon as she’s able, Feferi takes John and Sollux off to the side and expresses her concerns.

Between the throne cropping up twice now, and Aradia killing the First Guardian, maybe she’s still going to become the villain after all? Maybe they haven’t actually escaped fate at all. John and Sollux are still unconvinced. John maintains that he knows how the Retcon Powers work and Sollux knows he’s never been able to defy his precognition before. Feferi concedes but remains skeptical.

The team puts together a new plan. Now that they know Aradia can drain First Guardians until they’re just lifeless husks, they could farm them. More specifically, they could farm Doc Scratch. Scratch is a complete monster, so there’s no moral reservation to be had in doing so. So they farm versions of Scratch from Doomed Timelines and each time, Aradia meets an alternate version of the Handmaiden.

Each time, Aradia’ conversation with Handmaiden gets her thinking.

What makes you think you’ve escaped fate? Why aren’t you doing more to get more powerful, to destroy the narrative faster? Surely doing so would be in everyone’s best interest, right?

After a few stops, Aradia notes that she hasn’t really gotten all that stronger. Absorbing the Green Sun outright isn’t an option, absorbing that much power at once would likely kill her. But, maybe there are other power sources she could drain from? Aradia notes how Jade and Calliope are both stronger than Scratch, which gets John immediately protective. He makes it clear that Jade is off the list and Aradia backpedals. She didn’t mean anything by it. She was just thinking out loud. Still, she can’t help but notice the looks both John and Feferi are giving her now. Apparently Feferi’s concerns influenced John more than he realized.

The versions of the Handmaiden Aradia meets now note the distrust most of the team holds towards her. If they can’t trust you, how can you trust yourself?

One Handmaiden claims she has a way to get the power Aradia craves faster. Aradia says she’ll think about it.

The cycle continues for a few days. Eventually, Aradia comes to Sollux in the middle of the night, asking him to come with her. She wants to have his opinion on hand, to keep her from doing something stupid. The two approach the Handmaiden and Aradia asks about her offer.

The Handmaiden takes them to a timeline where the Condescension won. The heroes were destroyed, the Earth belongs to Condy forevermore… and a Grimbark Jade will be forced to serve the Condescension for eternity.

Surely, it would be more merciful to put her out of her misery.

Sollux immediately tries to veto this idea.

Killing a version of John’s sister behind his back like this, even one that’s nothing but a mindless drone now, is unbelievably cruel.

Aradia looks at Sollux and then she looks down at her hands. She remembers the golden blood dripping from them. Sollux’s blood.

She decides she can’t take that risk.

So, Aradia sucks the life out of the Grimbark Jade.

Sollux tells the others what happened when they get back and the three confront her about it.

Aradia begs for them to understand it from her perspective. She just did what she had to do. It was a mercy kill. She wouldn’t have stooped that low if she had a choice.

The group wants to pull out of this plan. Get Aradia locked up until the narrative can be destroyed. For everyone’s safety.

Aradia teleports away. Since her Retcon Powers are now far stronger than John’s, he can’t keep up with her.

Aradia hides in a dark corner of Paradox Space, trying to keep herself together.

She’s gone to far now. She has to destroy the narrative and fast. It’s the only way she can fix this. It’s the only way she can keep everyone alive.

Part of her even believes it’s the only way she can get her friends back.

So, as John, Sollux, and Feferi teleport back to Earth C to get everyone caught up and prepared for war, Aradia does some preparations of her own.

She creates a horde of her time duplicates and sends the all across Paradox Space. They bring First Guardians and God-Tiered Space Players to her for her to suck the life out of, fueling up the “main" version of herself to be as strong as possible. Her end goal is to become strong enough to absorb the Green Sun. And if that didn’t make her strong enough, she’d invade Earth C as a Plan B. Overpower everyone and absorb Calliope's life force. Then, she'll be powerful enough to destroy the narrative.

She'll free herself. She'll free everyone. Even if she has to fight her closest friends.

As her body count rises, her reputation spreads. Every Space Player knows now to run when a horde of Aradias appear outside your door.

They know none survive getting dragged before Madame Megido.

#villainstuck #aradia megido #homestuck #long post #sollux captor #john egbert #feferi peixes #beforus feferi #arasolfef #kinda if you read between the lines #up to interpretation really #Madame Megido

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graceeast · 3 years

Text

Diary of high school meme

this is a joke NSFW 18+

Part 1

My bro walks up to me and is like Benny how you feeling? I say I feel great, even though that’s not my name that’s not my name. Then we both hit the woah at the same exact time.

Then his VSCO girlfriend says an I opp sksksksk. Then she says WHO EVER JUST SENT YOU THIS JUST DUMPED YOUR ASS!

Then my guy turns to her and says respect the drip Karen!

Then I say no matter what, he will always come back to me.

Then my bro and I hug no homo though. Then we walk away to the song Rockstar by: Smashmouth, while doing the floss aggressively.

Then we go and play Minecraft together while drinking Bang and eating Doritos till one in the morning.

But then my bros mother Linda sent me home. ☹

Part 2

Linda is such a bitch “B-I-C-T-H in that order!” she always makes me leave A-arons house at one thirty in the morning.

Later that week A-aron and I took a seat in class. Then our teacher kept talking about China and how more then half our exports come from there.

Then A-aron went outside to vape. Karen then comes over and says give me your Juul. Then I say no Karen that Juul coast me sixty dollars. I had to get a senior to pay for it. I only work at Chilis so it took three paychecks to buy.

That night I worked and everyone at once said “Welcome to Chilis!” I just ignored them and kept walking as I usually do.

I go home then check my Reddit and Twitter fifty times to make sure I am still verified.

Part 3

The next day comes and I pick up A-aron up in my sick 2001 Toyota Camry it is beige of course only the sickest color.

We then get Karen and you won’t believe what she did… she yeeted my vape out the window! What the fork Karen! That took three paychecks from Chilis to buy.

Karen then says she hates that place and last time she ate there, they messed up he order. So she complained to the manager.

Damn Karen, I don’t need her anyway I will always have my bro A-aron. Our nights together watching Shrek 3 and Cars 2… Best movies ever! And of course, listening to our lord and savior Daft Punk on full volume.

Part 4

A bunch of kids are doing a fundraiser for Harambe and I am all for it of course “save the whales.”

And that’s why I only use Twizzlers to drink my RedBull. I don’t always drink RedBull but when I do I use a Twizzler as a straw then eat it.

Later I texted A-aron on my Nokia phone I sent him exactly 69 memes at exactly 4:20 as it is totally lit to do so every day. I said we should totally get back at Karen for throwing my Juul. He disagreed with me, then I told him to stop being such a girl. Then he says don’t assume my gender and I said look man I had no idea. Then he said you just did it again. I give up!

Then I smoked the devils cabbage and went to sleep #Blazeit

Part 5

A-aron and I made up he bought me a new Juul and said that our friendship is never ogre. So then I said #Fam! Then he and I did our secret handshake which consists a dab the woah and five different Fortnite dances.

Today I started dating Kim Vardashian she is a #skinnylegend who is also thicc with two c’s. I can’t wait till we can aggressively hug! But she is embarrassed of our love because I am a freshman and she is a senior.

I think today is the day I try out for the school play we are putting on the production Mulan 3. I want to play the part of Simba.

That night for dinner A-aron and I got Subway #I’m lovin’ it, it was mmm… mmm… mmm… finger licking good. Then we bought two cotton candy Juul cartridges from Kim and vaped all night.

Part 6

My Nokia phone stopped working so I went to the closest Radio Shack and got a brand-new Blackberry with a slide out key pad. It was very dope!

Since it was Saturday I went home and hardcore gamed on my Tamagotchi. It died ☹�� it was sad until a new one came, and I bought all the snacks for it!

Kim is such a slut she broke up with me and told me she was only dating me because I have a job and gave her money to buy stuff from Gucci. Then she told me 20$ a week was not cutting it. Then I told her that’s all I make in a week. Now I also work for Walmart to make more money. But I guess it still was not enough for her. Damn Kim at least I have A-aron

Part 7

A-aron and Kim got together I tried telling him that she was a bitch. But the #thirstisreal for him like he is the Sahara Desert when it comes to women. He really doesn’t care but I will be there if his heart gets broken.

Today is also my cousins 18th birthday and he is getting a tattoo. Its going to be a 95 the 9 is going to be a butterfly and the 5 is going to be a bee, and under it will say float like a butterfly sting like a bee Kachow -Lightning McQueen

He is actually going to get two tattoos the other one is going to be a glass of milk, swiss cheese, yogurt and under that one its going to say #legen-dairy #veganforlife. He is also getting Gingy from Shrek slippers

Part 8

Karen got hit with a tour bus!!! We rushed her to the hospital and to the psych ward cuz she cray cray.

Its been a month since A-aron and Kim got together I am very surprised. We all visited Karen today and then Kim said they were expecting. Then Karen said boom pregnant.

Apparently, the baby is going to be a reincarnation of Donald Trump and the baby is going to be huodge. But this is all according to Karen. But it seems legit, so I believe it.

I’ve been taking care of Karen’s dog Lo-Maine. He wares a Supreme hoodie and a Rolly on his wrist and even has Jorden’s and I must dress him every day #1stworldprobs.

Part 9

Karen got released today from the hospital and to celebrate she stole her moms ID and went to Iowa to celebrate. She then sent me a video of herself, “Hi my name I Kendall and I am here in Cedar Rapids once again asking for your support.” Your support for what I thought but then I saw it Kendall Landers-Linton 2020 president, Kendall must be her mom’s name.

Kim is now 5 months prego and still hanging on strong and everyone helps her with stupid shit like the teachers tell her she can have extensions on all her assignments. So unfair I get an erection every hour and I don’t get extensions on anything except my dick.

Who would vote for Karen I mean she looks like a 40-year-old woman, but she’s crazy to think that they won’t figure out that she’s just 20 and a senior in high school.

That day was crazy, so I went on my computer and watched my extra special anime movie if you know what I mean 😉. Jerked the turkey for 30 minutes and felt way more relaxed after my little session thank god for Japanese henti.

Part 10

Today we watched the Sanic the hedgehog movie it was the best movie ever in the movie Shrek and Sanic have a relationship. They end up getting married and having aggressive sex while listening to all of Smash mouths songs. Then they had hedgehog ogre hybrid babies they were so ugly that they were cute.

I later sat in class with A-aron he said that after watching that Sanic movie that he wasn’t sure if he was ready to be a father. Because Shrek and Sanic made for a really good couple and were good at raising their kids. I told him not to worry and that if he watched all the Shrek movies and played all the Sanic games that he had already learned all he needs to about fatherhood. He felt relieved after I said all that, he said it was good that he did all the necessary research we then dabbed and then the bell rang.

Kim went into labor at lunch it was really disgusting, but interesting because all these people came, and our school nurse Joe Biden delivered the baby. Kim decided to name her son Boe Jiden after Joe Biden’s name, the school nurse was in tears until he saw another baby coming out. It’s a girl!!!! Kim named that kid Karen Jr. after her best friend. It was amazing then I told A-aron that his sperm must be made of steel since he had two kids, he then punched me in the arm no homo though.

Part 11

All of the sudden another baby just shoulder dropped itself out of Kim. It was a boy!!! "I will name this one Jim Cenass" (all of the sudden from the corner you here horribly played kazoo it plays the John Cena fan fair) do do do do... it's that new transfer student Korona Tortilla Vanbargen Sale Pool Noodle the 4th KTVSPN4 for short. Jim Cenass starts waving his hand in front of his face as of to say you cant see me then he just goes ham on our school nurse Joe Biden. The principal Jeb Bush had to break up the fight. Then Jim started fighting Boe and Karen jr. It was something else.

Our new transfer student KTVSPN4 is very strange she kinda keeps to herself but at least she made friends with Kim and Karen. She's from China and is such a cry baby she keeps complaining that her sister died of this weird disease. But other then that been helping A-Aron with his three babies Jim is a handful and we have to keep him away from the others but it's kinda hard now because they have already started calling and Jim can walk.

Part 12

Today I was just sitting in Chillery Hiltons history class when all of the sudden I heard loud noises coming from above me. Then Boe and Joe just shoulder dropped onto the teacher it was very strange. Thankfully Chillery is going to be ok!

Later that day Kim's babies are getting baptized by our local priest Dr. Phil. Jim was not having it and started going ham on Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil then say y'all need Jebus in your life. Phil then #getsrektmydude. And Bylieye Eyelash starts playing her song I'm the Evil Man which was perfect for the occasion.

We all had an assembly today our principal Jeb said it was to recognize great teachers in our school. "Best dance teacher Shreckira" Shreckira goes up and can not hold herself together it was major aco taco.

"Lane Jinch for best gym teacher" Lane goes up and says "I know I'm the best." "Sernie Banders best public speaking teacher" Sernie goes up and gives a 50 page long speech how he doesn't deserve this. "Steve Harvey for best health teacher and guidance counselor" Steve then goes up and starts talking about how important college is and the birds and the bees. And last but not least "Beyonce for best music teacher" Beyonce comes up and starts singing my Heart will go on by Celine Dion. Jeb then says please clap!

Part 13

Today Karen got Lo majne trained to be a service dog naturally every one at school wanted to pet lo majne. Karen was like "I'm working bitch" so we all backed off because Karen is crazy!

Today I went to the super market and you know your boy broke yo. So I tried to take some stuff you know and you will never believe what they did. They tried to arrest my ass I dont deserve this I'm broke and now they want me to go to court. Like type 2 diabetes ain't no body got time for that. My lawyer says they will fight for me they dont have a gender and they call themselves foxy Roxy. Hopefully foxy Roxy has my back and we win.

Hey I'm foxy Roxy I usually work at a drag strip club and men eat me up. Just when you thought your husband was straight oh no honey he ain't. I make about 10million pennies or should I say 10 million penis's every show and I live in a trailer with my sweet heart wide boy and I will win this

#funny #short story #fiction

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colbybrocksmolder · 5 years

Text

Parking Garage - Colby Brock x Reader (pregnant)

Today was a normal day.

YouTube videos, a business meeting, Tender Greens, scheduling a photo shoot, playing Minecraft, your boyfriend Colby and his friends going to a dangerous location to summon demons…..

Just a normal Thursday, am I right?

“Why are you calling me, Jake?” you said into the phone, already mentally checking off where your purse, shoes, and keys were. They don’t dick around on their phones when they’re in unsafe locations.

“Y/n, don’t freak out” Jake said. You immediately ran to grab your things. You could hear Jake scolding the boys in the background. ‘Just leave everything here, we can come back for it’.

“Why am I not freaking out, Jake?” you asked, jogging down the stairs to your car. They were at least an hour away, so you headed in their direction straight away.

“I promise you everything is going to be fine.” He said, pulling the phone away from his face to direct Sam. ‘There was a Hospital sign literally 5 minutes before our turn off.’

“Jake! Text me the address. Now!” and you hung up the phone.

Jake had text you the address. About 30 minutes later he had text you that Colby was going to be fine and that he’d be drugged up when you got to the hospital. ‘Just broken bones’ was the only thing you really had to go off of when it came to what you were walking in to. He told you which room and what info you needed. ‘We told the desk that Colby’s fiancé would be here soon’ he had text saying you had a better chance of being let back into his room that way.

“Who are you here to see, miss?” the nurse asked.

“Hi, I’m y/n. I’m here to see my fiancé Colby Brock. He’s in room 412.” You answered, trying to keep a level head. Jake said Colby would be fine. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Right this way.” She walked you through the sterile white hallways.

Jake was sitting in a chair outside the room. “Y/n!” he said, running up to you and pulling you into a hug. “It’s not his fault” he quickly spat out.

“What happened?” you asked, letting Jake’s embrace keep you steady. “What do you mean?”

“He’s gonna be fine, y/n. He’s got a few broken bones. It’s mainly his leg, but the doc said he’ll heal just fine.” Jake assured you.

“We weren’t even being unsafe.” Sam cut in. “We stayed on the first story of the building because Colby had checked the stairs and didn’t trust them.”

“There were these kids upstairs.” Jake continued. “They had to have been, what…11 or 12?” he asked Sam.

“If that”, Sam answered. “We didn’t know they were there until one of them screamed bloody murder.”

“Colby couldn’t not help them, y/n.” Jake said. “He worked his way up the stairs and the whole thing collapsed as he got to the top. He barely made it up, but he found the two kids. One of them had walked on part of the floor that was too worn down and they were stuck in the floor-boards.”

“He was yelling to us the whole time, letting us know what was going on. He got the kid calmed down and unstuck and had us go to a little indoor balcony thing so we could help them climb down.” Sam tried to explain. “When Colby worked his way over the ledge, the railing he was holding on to broke. He landed on his right side instead of on his feet and broke his leg. He broke a couple fingers too, but the doctor said those will heal a lot quicker.”

“Are the kids okay?” you asked, letting go of Jake to hug Sam.

“They’re fine. They ran home after helping us get Colby to the car.” He answered, hugging you back.

“He’s drugged up, but you should go see him. The doctor said he had a weird reaction to the morphine.” Jake softly laughed, walking towards Colby’s room. “He’s like, high as balls, y/n.” He grinned at you, trying to take the seriousness out of the moment.

You turned the corner and immediately heard “Baaaabbyyyyyy”.

“How are you feeling?” you asked, dipping down to kiss Colby.

Colby didn’t answer right away. He just stared up at you, his partially bandaged hand touching his own lips where yours had just been. His uninjured hand moved to play with your hair, his fingers grazing your lips. “I’m good”, he smiled that childish, wide, shit eating grin still staring up at you. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thanks, baby.” you laughed. “You’re super stoned right now.”

“Am I in trouble?” Colby’s smile disappeared completely.

“Colby” you lovingly said, pushing his hair away from his face. “You’re not in trouble, you’re a hero. You about gave me a heart attack, but I get it. You couldn’t help it.”

“I’m sorry” he said, kissing the back of your hand.

“Don’t apologize” you smiled, thinking about how amazing your boyfriend was. Yes, he did dangerous stuff…but he had the softest heart.

“I’ve been thinking” Colby mumbled out, looking almost nervous like he had a secret.

“Tell me what you’ve been thinking” you encouraged.

“I want kids.” He said, his big blue eyes staring directly into yours. “We should have some kids.” His smile was so big it looked like his cheeks were going to be sore.

The doctor walked back into the room with the rest of the guys and started talking to Colby. “How are you feeling, young man?”

Colby was able to answer most of his questions, only zoning out a few times. His eyes started to droop by the end of their conversation.

The doctor pulled you out of the room, the guys following. “The side-effects of the morphine should wear off in a few hours. He’s got some sort of sensitivity to it and it took him on quite the ride. The upside is that he definitely didn’t feel a thing when we were setting his leg.” The doc smiled. “He’ll probably stay asleep for quite a while once he goes under.”

You nodded your head, looking around at your friends. “Can I speak to the doctor alone for a second?” you asked. The boys went back into the room with Colby.

“What can I do for you?” He asked, seeing the emotions cross your face.

“I took a home pregnancy test yesterday and it said that I was pregnant” you blurted out. “I don’t know if I can trust it or if I need to take another one or if it’s too early to be sure…”

The older gentleman smiled at you, putting his hand on your shoulder. “Let’s put your mind at ease.” He said, telling you to follow him to the nurse’s station.

“Thank you” you said, wiping the tears from underneath your eyes.

You were told it would be a bit before they would bring you the results. You told them you’d be in Colby’s room.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked when you finally made your way back.

“Yeah” you answered, trying to act normal.

“Is this one of those times we’re supposed to pretend we can’t tell you were just crying or am I allowed to annoy you with love?” Corey asked, pulling you to sit down next to him. Colby was fast asleep.

You couldn’t help but softy laugh. “I’ll tell you in about 30 minutes. Until then, I just want to sit here.”

“I don’t know” Jake said, sitting on your other side and throwing his arm over your shoulders. “30 minutes is a long time” he teased. The room falling silent.

When the nurse peeked in the room to look for you, you waved her in. “Y/n?” she asked.

“That’s me” you said, grabbing the paper she handed you.

“Do you want me to explain the results in private?” she asked, seeing the three boys surround you.

“Guys, remember to stay quiet, please.” You said, making eye contact with each of them. “Please don’t wake Colby up.” You got nods and okays from all three of them. “You can tell me in front of them.” You answered the nurse.

She smiled, looking at the three boys and then back to you. “You’re definitely pregnant.”

Corey’s eyes went wider than you thought possible and he walked straight out of the room knowing he was going to wake Colby up. You could see him pacing back and forth in front of the hospital room door, randomly stopping to stare in at you and then continuing to pace.

Sam looked back and forth between Colby and you about 17 times before you started to see tears falling down his cheeks. He sat down where Corey had been sitting and pulled you into his arms. “I don’t know what to say” he whispered, his arms still tight around you. “You guys are going to be great parents.”

“Thank you” you smiled at him. “You’re going to be a badass uncle.”

Corey walked back in, leaning down to hug you. “I’m trying so hard to stay calm right now” he whispered.

“You’re doing great, Corey” you laughed.

Jake just smiled over at you, his smirk making you curious about what he was thinking. “Is now a bad time to tell you that Colby knows?” The smile on his face getting bigger by the second.

“What?” you and Sam said in unison. “I only took a test last night” you said, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

“I know” Jake smiled, grabbing your hand. “Colby busted through my door at about 3 am, I swear to God, wearing nothing but his boxers, and holding a little purple stick.”

“He didn’t say anything to me” you said, looking over at your sleeping boyfriend. “He must have accidentally found the test.”

“First, he ranted about how Sam wasn’t at his apartment. I had no clue what the fuck was going on. I was just laying in my bed when all of a sudden Colby was pacing in my bedroom.” Jake laughed.

“I was staying with Kat since I knew I’d be out all night tonight.” Sam explained.

“He started talking about needing fresh air and walked out of my apartment.” Jake continued. “I threw pants on and followed him down the hallway. He handed me the pregnancy test and kept walking. I followed him all the way to the parking garage where he started yelling about how he was gonna be a dad. He ran and hugged the old guy that runs the gate to the garage.” Jake laughed. “The guy said ‘That’s great news and all, but maybe you should celebrate with some pants, kid.’”

You couldn’t help but laugh, your eyes watering up at the thought of Colby being excited about this. “Earlier when I first got here, he told me he wanted kids. It seemed so random. I guess I know now he just didn’t want me to be afraid to tell him.”

Quite a few hours later, the doctor came back in and woke Colby up. The swelling had gone down enough that they were going to set an actual cast. “This shouldn’t hurt at all” he said, asking Colby if he still felt loopy because of the morphine.

“No, I don’t feel stoned anymore” he laughed, yawning and reaching out for your hand.

“Any pain?” The doc asked.

“Not really. I feel all tingly.” Colby answered, letting the doctor and the nurse apply layer after layer of casting.

“We’re going to have you stay here for a few hours and then see if you can walk using crutches. If you pass, you get to go home.” The doctor smiled at Colby. “Let me know if you need anything. You too.” He added, looking at you.

“Thank you” you replied, sitting on the side of Colby’s bed.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” he said, not knowing he had already apologized when he was stoned.

“Colby, you have nothing to apologize for. You did the right thing.” You assured him.

“They were so young.” Colby continued. “Hearing that kid scream…I was up those stairs before I even knew what I was doing…” After a moment of staring up at the ceiling in thought, he slipped his arm around you and pulled you a little closer to him. “Y/n, I need to tell you something.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with Dave the sweet elderly parking garage attendant, does it?” you smirked down at him.

“You told?” his head whipped towards Jake.

“Baby” you laughed, your hand turning his face to look back at you. “I had the doctor run an official test to see if I was pregnant and the guys were here when I got the results. Jake only told me about your adorable half naked parking garage adventure afterwards.”

Colby’s face switched from mad to hopeful. “What did the doctor say?”

You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Colby’s chapped lips. “He said you’re going to be a dad.”

Colby’s eyes watered up a bit. “I’m so fucking excited” he said, his injured hand moving to lay against your stomach. “I’m really gonna be a dad.”

“You’re going to be the best dad.”

#colby brock #colby brock x reader #colby brock imagine #colby brock oneshot #colby brock fic

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vagrantblvrd · 4 years

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fahc fishing jamboree, or battle buddies if they had pokemon? Hope your block dwindles away soon and your internet behaves decently!

Oh my God, okay, I love the Battle Buddies pokemon thing so much? (Because Pixelmon 2: Electric Boogaloo or whatever those dorks are doing in Minecraft these days? XD)

Like.

Just.

Some AU that’s a mix of Battle Buddies world and pokemon world (games/anime/Detective Pikachu and so on?) where pokemon are very much A Thing but it’s not weird if some people don’t pokemon.

Before Ryan gets partnered with Jeremy he’s on this mission somewhere and there’s this tiny little houndour he finds, right?

Doesn’t know much about pokemon other than some people go crazy about them, which okay, fair.

Okay, no. He knows the basics because sometimes he has to deal people using pokemon as guard animals/pokemon and therefore how to neutralize them as threats – type advantages and so on and he’s got specialized pokeballs not available to the general public? Like. Ones that will allow him to capture these guard animals/pokemon even if they do belong to someone to get them out of the way so they won’t be forced to otherwise hurt/kill them?

(Said pokemon either get left with the proper authorities later or handed over to the agency to be assessed to see if they can be integrated into his agency’s own pool of pokemon partners for various agents/security or their allies or quietly adopted out elsewhere because no sad end for them in this AU.)

Maybe he gets a few odd looks from his co-workers for not having pokemon of his own, but there were were always reasons he never got into pokemon like some people he’s met.

Maybe his family moved around too much as a kid for him to get to know the other kids where they were at the time.

It was just easier to stick to himself and read his books and play his games – no real opportunity to get a pet pokemon or look into training his own because “they’re a big responsibility” and “when we get a place with a big yard” and all these reasons that add up to him never getting his own, y’know? Stopped thinking it might happen because hey, some people just don’t pokemon and it’s fine, okay.

But then he ends up working for the agency and sure other agents have pokemon partners they go into the field with but Ryan’s not one of them.

Could probably get one if he wanted, but it’s better if he didn’t? (Ignores the worried looks he gets because it would be nice to know he’s not on his own out there sometimes, but Ryan insists he works better alone and so on and so forth.)

And then!

One mission that gets a little out of hand on him he finds this tiny little houndour huddling under a rusted out car or in an alley somewhere when he’s running from some baddies. Dead-end and this general air of oh, shit knowing he’s about to get caught when he hears this noise and sees something dart away from wherever he is.Through this gap in a fence or something he didn’t notice at first glance and while it’s probably not the safest idea to go chasing after it, he figures it’s better than getting caught by the baddies. (Whatever just ran away from him can’t be worse than what the baddies would do if they caught up to him, so he slips through that gap in the fence.)

Finds himself following these paw prints through mud or whatever on the other side, angry voices behind and ends up in an unused subway tunnel or some such after he loses the baddies, because of course. (Plot Reasons! :D)

Still following the paw prints – mix of curiosity and vague gratitude because whatever ran from him didn’t set out to help him or anything but it did anyway. (And also, safer to stay out of sight for a while, just in case so why not find out what led him here?)

Terrible weather outside anyway, rain coming down hard or just turning to mixed rain/snow and something, something reasons.

He sees a pair of eyes watching him from a hidey spot that’s a tangle of rusted out car parts and other stuff tossed away and forgotten and has this huh moment of not knowing what to do now?

Because, look.

Ryan may not pokemon like just about everyone else ever he’s not heartless, and whatever is hiding in that pile of junk helped saved his life just now, so.

Coaxes the little thing out from hiding with a bit of food – military rations so not the best? But the poor thing is starving and better than whatever scraps it’s been living off until Ryan came along, so yes.

Hard to ell what it is at first, it’s all covered in mud and the whatnot and nearly skin and bones.

But then it sneezes and shakes some of the excess water/mud from its fur and he realizes it’s a houndour. Little on the small side of things, and clearly wary of him but after he talks to it for a bit and feeds it the rest of what good he has on him it lets him pet it.

He doesn’t want to leave it behind, but isn’t sure it’ll follow him, but when he gets up to leave – it’s late and should be safe to head back to wherever he’s staying. (Still has a mission to finish, figure out where he went wrong and how to fix that so he can deal with his target.)

To his surprise the houndour follows him out of there. Wary, leery, but it follows him all the same.

(Ducks into shadows and hidey spots at first when he glances back to see if it’s still there like it thinks he’s going to turn on it, and he muffles a laugh because it’s pretty damn good at stealth, you know? Dumb little jokes to himself about it being a better operative than he is, because dork.)

He makes it back to the cheap little motel he’s staying at and is kind of ??? at what to do with the houndour now?

Sure it’s out of the weather and somewhere warm, seems a little less wary of him now but they’re not BFFs, you know?

Still.

There’s a couple of menus on the dresser for places that deliver and he’s pretty hungry himself, and he calls one of them up and places his order. Something for him and stuff that should be safe enough for the houndour to eat for the time being.

Spends the time waiting for the delivery person to get there watching the houndour explore the motel room, getting brave enough to come up to him. (Tries not to smile when it just looks at him like it doesn’t know what to make of him, either, other than being a goddamned weird human.)

When the food gets there he sets the houndour’s share on the ground and fills the ice bucket up with water for it and eats his own food as he boots up his laptop and other techy gadgets he’s been using.

Tries to figure out what the hell happened that things went so badly sideways on him and gets so caught up in that he startles when there’s this little whine at his side and he sees the houndour looking at him with its head cocked.

Doesn’t know why at first, and then laughs when he realizes he hasn’t finished his own food – too caught up in his work and all – and he splits the last of it between them.

Sits back to watch the houndour scarf it all down and lick its lips like it’s hoping for more, but not starving about it.

It’s still dirty, mud and muck dried in its fur and such and Ryan figures a bath wouldn’t hurt. (He’s not thinking long-term decisions about the houndour yet. Maybe has the vague idea he’ll being it back to the agency once things are done with here if it’ll let him, see if the agency can’t use a good houndour or if someone will want to adopt it as a pet if not a working pokemon.)

He’s a little surprised when the houndour lets him give it a bath.

Has it trotting along behind him as he goes to fill the tub, all curious and adorable as hell until it realizes what he’s got planned for it. There’s this moment he can see where it’s debating whether or not to let this strange human give it a bath – not harmless after all – but there’s a sort of trust between them and it’s been scratching a bit too, so it lets Ryan give it a bath.

Little motel shampoo sample bottles or whatever that smell vaguely of flowers or something else that tickles its nose, has it sneezing and splashing water on Ryan.

Little barks and yips at the bubbles and whatnot. Some confused growling, but it’s not aggressive and Ryan is kind of charmed by this adorable puppy pokemon, okay? (Not that he realizes it yet.)

Gets it all nice and squeaky clean and dried off and watches it wander around the motel room exploring everything again before he could do with a shower himself.

When he comes out the houndour’s settled down some, curled up under the table his laptops set up and lightly snoozing.

Ryan goes back to work on his laptop and sees there are some messages waiting for him. Hints the agency was fed bad intel, possible mole in their midst or whatever and watch his back and blah, blah, blah.

Ryan is like, well, obviously, because things haven’t gotten this fucked up in a while? (Or ever, really.)

SO.

He finds a way to untangle things for his current mission and falls asleep at some point. (Wakes up to the houndour hopping off the foot of the bed and this spot by his feet it was clearly sleeping before then, but whatever, right? If the houndour wants to go back to be all Aloof or whatever it’s been doing while he’s awake that’s fine.)

He grabs some food – sticks to rations in his stuff and gives most of it to the houndour before going out to finish his mission.

Not the easiest one now the target and his people are on alert, but he manages without getting seriously injured/killed and that’s always nice.

Surprised when he gets back to the motel room and the houndour’s still there – he left a window open or some other way for it to leave while he was gone if it wanted – but nah. It’s dozing under the table again and cocks its head when it sees him limp inside. (Maybe fucked his leg up a bit, but nothing a few stitches and some bandages won’t fix.)

He’s just there to check on the houndour – not a great idea to stick around after the hornet’s (beedrill’s nest?) he just kicked up – and get the hell out of town before he gets caught.

No real idea what he’s doing (when does he ever?) but he grabs his stuff and shakes his head in amusement when the houndour jumps up and follows him when he leaves.

Sneaky sekrit agent/operative getting out of the city and somewhere safe to report back to whoever he trusts back at the agency. (Potential mole/breach back there but there are a few people he still trusts and they find a way for him to get back home.)

He looks at the houndour who seems intent on going with him and finds a way to get it back too. (Still in denial that it’s his now, whatever that entails, but let him have this one.)

There are some shenanigans getting back – bribery to get the houndour past customs and whatever is going on at the agency trying to kill him? But the bribes work a treat and the houndour helps save his life – in more direct ways this time as it attacks a few baddies to save him and Ryan is like, well, okay, guess I’m pokemoning too now, huh? when the dust settles.

Gets back to the agency and helps clear up the last of the mess (that they know of at the time) and his superiors are all laughing at him when they see this feisty little houndour defending Ryan against potential threats. (He’s been so adamant all this time he works better alone/doesn’t need a partner human or pokemon and so on and so on, and here he is with this houndour, so yeah.)

After that Ryan sekrit agents/operatives his way around the globe with his houndour partner. Trains with her before he takes new missions first to make sure she’s suitable for it – would rather not take her out if she doesn’t have the right temperament, you know? (Let someone else adopt her as a pet than force her into being a working pokemon if it’s going to make her miserable, but she takes to the training/job like nothing else and his superiors are not so secretly relieved there’s someone watching his back on missions now.)

Thing is, though.

Now that Ryan’s got his houndour at his side he ends up picking up all kinds of pokemon while he’s out and about. (Away on a mission for the agency or back home for a change and a quick run to the grocery store.)

Finds all stray and abandoned pokemon that he can’t just leave behind – not with his houndour giving him this sad little look and soft whine and he’s a soft touch more than ever before when it comes to pokemon now.

Most of them go to the closest pokemon center where trainers or people looking for companion pokemon will adopt them into a forever home. (All kinds and most not suited for agency work one reason or another and really, really, he’s not suited for more pokemon at the moment with his work and time away from home and so forth.)

A few end up at the agency after they’ve passed the usual checks and whatnot to make sure it’s a good fit for them, but yeah.

It turns into this running joke about Ryan coming back from a mission with a few extra friends, you know? (And yeah, okay. Some of the one that end up with the agency don’t all go into the field, some just end up office pokemon keeping desk-bound agents/operatives other staff company during work hours and such.)

Things go on like that for a while and eventually Jeremy ends up at the agency, this kid fresh out of some academy or other with a different agency who got snapped up by Ryan’s.

Bounced around a bit in the beginning because there’s a reshuffling going on at the time – still rooting out whoever was behind the botched mission attempted coup back when Ryan met his houndour and pockets bubble up from time to time.

Eventually Ryan’s superiors stick Jeremy with Ryan and his houndour, right?

One of the few they can trust to keep Jeremy under watch/keep him safe. (They like him, he’s got all this potential and such but the timing of him coming into the agency while they’re dealing with this ugly mess is a bit suspect, so yes.)

By this time Ryan’s taken to incorporating his houndour’s little skull/bones aesthetic as his own? Like. Not blatant about it or anything, but the guy’s got all that theater kid to him and he’s dork enough to be unironic about it.

Jeremy notices of course, the times they go out on missions where Ryan pulls out the face paint and the pattern on his own face matches his houndour (which he’s gone and named something ridiculous like Crossbones or something ~cool, idk.)

He and Jeremy get along well and at first Ryan thinks Jeremy’s like he used to be because he’s never seen him with pokemon of his own? (Sure, Jeremy loves pokemon, spoils Crossbones when she lets him and so on and the office pokemon adore the hell out of him, but yeah. Doesn’t seem to have any of his own.)

But then there’s a mission that goes south on them – nothing suspicious about it, just bad luck on their part – and just when things look dire for them Jeremy whips out a pokeball and this voltorb.

Gives Ryan this reckless grin, all battered and bloody and backs to the wall as he sends his voltorb out and sweet Jesus, Jeremy, what the hell -

Jeremy’s voltorb packs a hell of a punch, like his trainer/partner and they manage to get out of that little pickle (more or less) in one piece.

Get back home where Jeremy is all :DDDD as he tells Ryan about his voltorb that he’s had for years now. Jokes about it being a secret weapon no one ever expects and so on and Ryan is just well, obviously, because lunatics and voltorbs and it makes so much sense voltorb is Jeremy’s favorite now.

Anyhow, anyhow.

Shenanigans galore with the two (four of them?) out sekrit agenting/operativing all over the place.

At some point they either manage to rip out the baddies infiltrating their agency by the roots and put an end to that nonsense for good and stay on with the agency for forever? (OR until they decide to retire from fieldwork, train the next generation of agents/operatives or just retire completely.)

OR they have to go fake their deaths and go into hiding somewhere and end up in the FAHC where Ryan decides to call himself the Vagabond and everyone assumes Crossbones or whatever he calls her was a deliberate choice because reasons?

AND.

Or course Crossbones evolves into a houndoom at some point. Some critical moment on a mission that ends up saving Ryan’s and Jeremy’s lives and is Super Dramatic?

Fierce little hound evolving into a vicious houndoom and oh Jesus Christ, the baddies are in for it now.

And you know, Ryan getting his hands on houndoominite at some point?

A gift from Jeremy for his birthday or something because they’re not mutually pining idiots over here or anything. Ryan giving Jeremy a heart attack on a mission where he almost dies and Jeremy figures giving Ryan something like that might keep him little bit safer? (God knows Crossbones would never let someone hurt Ryan if she can help it, has proved it time and again in the past, so this can only be a good thing?)

Whichever route things go, Jeremy thinks it’s hilarious as hell that Ryan is forever picking up all these random pokemon wherever he goes?

If they end up sticking with the agency and training up future agents/operatives the rookies/newbies are like !!! when instructor Haywood plops a pokemon in their arms and tells them to look after it for him for a bit?

Either Ryan thinking the two would be a good fit – as partners in the field or just adopting the pokemon as a pet, whichever – or he’s just fucking with them for the lulz?

Some rambunctious pokemon that’s proven a good way to root out unsuitable agents/operatives before they can become a liability in the field or whatever.

OR.

The spooky Vagabond picking up stray pokemon all over Los Santos, right.

Hanging out at the penthouse with bby!pokemon (omg, pichus) climbing all over him and looking one of the others dead in the eye daring them to say something about it when he’s new to the crew and they don’t know what a doofus he is yet.

Jeremy coming in later and being like >:DDDDDDDD when he sees Ryan with tiny pidoves on his shoulder at some meeting spot or other. Itty bitty igglybuffs hopping around his feet somewhere with their tiny little arms held up asking to be picked up.

AND.

Ryan showing up at his and Jeremy’s place one rainy day in either scenario.

Crossbones shaking water off the moment she gets inside. Ryan opening his jacket up when Jeremy notices it moving and what do you know, it’s a Toxel. (Amped form, because Spyro.)

Jeremy’s wanted to get one for himself ever since Gavin told him about them, but for whatever reason hasn’t done it yet? So of course Ryan decided to get one for him or had the luck to stumble on one and was like !!! JEREMY.

So, you know.

Yes.

#ragehappy #jeremwood #battle buddies #pokemon au #prompt fills #demoncowedgar #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #:D?#internet is still spotty but less frustrating than yesterday???#¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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acefrogmonarch · 4 years

Text

Headcanons pt. 3

To get thus out of the way. I feel like Hinata wouldn't have as much pressure in the next life. Sure she might compete in the same things like Neji.

But wouldn't be ridiculed about it because she was very honest about it with her father.

Lunch - High school

Itachi sometimes skips college or his police academy and just sits on campus with them. He brings enough for everyone if he remembers them. But it’s fine because both Neji and Itachi text each other and plan ahead, just in case.

No one notices that these seniors are having lunch with sophomores. But then again, everyone looks like a senior in that group to the student body and staff.

The cafeteria was their place in the winter because it was too cold to go outside. Every other season was set outside in the courtyard. They have a place deemed “theirs” and refuse to share it with others. Absolute will fight anyone that goes near their table.

Naruto does football but only quarterback because he’s there to only throw.

He has a ‘dog’ named Kurama and always plays frisbees with him. Because it feels like throwing a shuriken. Naruto does tricks with them. Like throwing two at a time and trying to go the other direction but it never works out.

Sasuke does Track. Other things like Hurdles and long jump.

Naruto, at some point: So sasuke runs from his family and his gay problems.

Tenten versus Lee in any Martial arts. Usually mixed, but if they want any specifics, tae juan do is a good stress reliever, for Tenten.

Competitive archery Neji and casual archery Hinata. Neji also does Kendo along with Hinata; She still presses flowers in her journals.

Sakura would definitely be in S.T.U.D.C.O. like office aid, student rep, or any sort of authority position. She was left spiker until she became the Ace of the Volleyball team. Tried to do softball and hated it, then she joined the mixed baseball team and loved it.

Ino would definitely have been in every single program, at least once. Orchestra first, band next, Choir sometimes, did gynanism for fun. Hates cheerleaders, does step team.

Sai is a punk as bitch for any art club. All if not most of his artwork are in the library hung up.

Shikamaru hangs out with juniors that have a steady supply of marijuana. But he also enjoys a good cigarette more than marijuana because that shit fucks with him.

Choji hangs out in the culinary hallway with his girlfriend Karui, because she aspires to be a chief. The culinary teachers also know Choji because they let him eat the leftovers and he suggests new and exciting flavors for them. It’s usually good but sometimes there’s a bad batch.

Kiba would be like the kid you go to or one of the kids that has a side business, within the school. Like he has snacks, school supplies, or marijana. He’s your go to guy.

Kiba has Akamaru as a service dog within the school, since he cant sneak him in without being spotted. He was approved with a doctors note.

Shino likes computer programming. The essence of computers and how smoothly a program could run makes him feel accomplished and so happy. And when he finally gets it? Oof. Euphoria.

He sometimes does web coding for fun and fucks around with his tumblr page.

Shino and Shikamaru both have a mutual respect towards each other. Because Shikamaru has this uncanny ability to find bugs and crash games on PC.

Naruto surprisingly built the PC for him, he manually updates new parts and makes sure everything is good to run. Shino makes mods for his games, like GTA V, Minecraft, GMod.

They stream it sometimes and it's just great content for themselves.

It used to be San Andreas but the game kept bugging out all the time, so they updated to V.

Sometimes both Naruto and Hinata dip the group during lunch to visit their little siblings. By blood or not, they both deeply care about their younger siblings. Naruto goes through the forest to visit Honomaru. While Hinata goes down the grave path and enjoys the creeks, nature around her.

They both end up at the same school regardless of how much it takes the other to get there but they both enjoy seeing the faces of their respected siblings. And it’s all worth it in the end.

Their missing hands.

Sometimes when Naruto is away in College he completely forgets that his right hand is perfectly fine and not at all gone, damaged, or artificial. So he just doesn’t use it until someone questions why he couldn’t grab something and they point out his arm.

Shikamaru: Why can’t you use your hand?

Naruto: Huh? What are you on ab-

Naruto finally notices his arm and lightly squeezes.

Naruto: I thought I lost it in the war.

Shikamaru: Wha-

Naruto: But I got my brother back. Where’s sasuwuke?

Shikamaru: Naruto, you saw him just yesterday.

Naruto: Yesterday! Why didn’t he visit me today?

Sakura: He’s a block away, Naruto. How about you visit him?

Naruto: That asshole! I thought he was still at the Wave village?

Sakura: No you idiot, he just sent a letter last week, he’s in the Sound now.

Again, once out of the trance, both are very confused.

Hinata and Sasuke marry. Well almost. Both Sasuke and Hinata are very private and didn’t want to tell anyone about the engagement but have spent a couple of months planning. And when the subject of her wedding dress came up.

Hinata: How about a kimono, like before?

Sasuke: Huh?

Hinata: Yeah, like my wedding with-

Sasuke and Hinata look at each other and realize that they were about to marry the wrong person.

Hinata: D-do we continue?

Sasuke: I mean we don’t have a date, and the invites aren’t out yet. No one knows about this and we aren’t exactly marrying because we love each other.

Hinata nods in understanding and sighs deeply.

Hinata: Then who am I supposed to marry? And what am I supposed to do with the ring?

Sasuke: I don’t care as long as I get my sword.

Hinata: Yeah, whatever you want teme.

Hinata immediately realizes who she was supposed to marry and so does Sasuke.

They call up a certain pinkette and blonde and set up a meeting.

Hinata, still knowing her gentle first, from memory and will abruptly start training. If everyone tries to stop her, she takes it as a challenger and will fight them. She stops once Neji is there.

Hinata Hyuuga or Hinata Hyuga. She often calls the wrong punctuation for the Hyuga estate.

It's changed to only one u.

Since Hinata’s mother, Hana, is alive, they didn’t set a garden in her honor.

Hinata: Where’s mother’s garden?

Ko: Her what?

Hinata: Her garden, because she died.

Ko: U-uh, Hinata-sama.

Hana comes out to see what is taking them so long: What sweetie?

Hinata looks at her mother and smiles softly. She looks around again and tries to look for her training trees.

Hinata: Where’s my tree?

Neji follows soon after: What tree?

Hinata softly smiles but looks at the bow and arrow that is in his hand. Having come back from training, Neji is still in his gear and sets Hinata out of her trance.

Tiny Hinata misses her flowers. She does replant her garden but she also scared the ever living crap out of anyone because of her ominous message before.

Neji and Hinata accidentally outing each other's sexuality. While at the mall, they both notice an attractive couple and look at them approvingly. Then they turn to each other and nod their head in understanding.

Hinata: The Girl, right?

Neji: The Boy, right?

Now they often tease each other about boys and girls alike. Sasuke is often caught up on the teasing.

Since it’s mostly done in sign language and he can’t help when he notices the straight face that Hinata makes when she signs. “Gay sex” and points at Sasuke.

Neji curses and walks away, then Tenten, Lee and Hinata are following Neji like ducklings. All signing "Gay sex" Sasuke is losing his mind.

BI hinata and Neji.

Family reunions with the Uchiha!

Since there was no big massacre, everyone sort of lives and drives everyone up the wall with their attitude.

Sasuke can’t handle them so he brings Naruto. And everyone kind of loves Naruto, so they accept him as an honorary Uchiha.

Adult life?

Because I get that Hinata and Naruto married at like 21 and had boruto a couple of years later. So I really want Hinata to have followed the same feeling except a couple of years earlier. Same with the other girls and their pregnancy months. Because that’s hilarious.

Neji and Tenten finally get together and him not dying. Just the potential wholesomeness about that makes me happy.

No one knows who the fuck Rock Lee hooks up with. Like he dips for 2 years and comes back with a baby named Metal. Tenten is super worried because Rock has a kind of pure innocence to him, in regards to sex.

Tenten: Did you get roofied? Are you okay? How did you end up with a kid?

Rock: What’s a roofie? Is that a drink?

Tenten: Kind of, but don’t worry about it.

Neji: What’s with the kid?

Rock: He’s my son, say hi Metal!

Metal is a baby and gurgles at them. They are very shocked, but not surprised. Because it’s Rock Lee. A musclehead that doesn’t want to stop training.

So anything is possible

Childhood ?

Naruto has his parents, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Kakashi, Obito, Rin and many others. In this life but one time when he woke up to the house being empty, he just started crying.

16, very confused and just sits for about an hour in one spot holding his crystal necklace. His Mom walks in with groceries, with his Father right behind her carrying more groceries.

Naruto: Oh thank god, I thought you guys died again.

Kushina: What, no, never again! Right Dear?

Minato: I’m not going to sacrifice myself again anytime soon, if that’s what you’re worried about.

Breaking out of the trance, they question themselves and their memories. More so, their past life.

Sasuke abruptly hates Itachi and sometimes tries to kill him in his teenage years.

Sasuke: You bastard! How could you do that to our clan!

Itachi: Foolish little brother. You still haven’t caught up to me.

Sasuke is in a kenta stance but nothing is in his hand and itachi is very confused as to why he is staring at Sasuke with his hands in a very weird hand symbol.

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captainillogical · 5 years

Text

Devil’s Ballroom ch.2

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with wife @firstofficertightpants

The place actually happened to be like, right on the edge of Little Homeworld. Outside had full glass windows, tall, that reached the ceiling. Inside the lighting was dim, and a bit smokey. You figured it looked alright enough to head in, and gave the bouncer your ID. He nodded and you walked in. It smelt of cigars, and of cinnamon, and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. A pretty woman in a low-cut red dress was playing the piano on the stage, and it was some contemporary jazz piece. The low murmur of people talking filled the air in between the swells of music, and the place actually seemed busy with people and even gems enjoying themselves. You liked the vibe. It was.. comfortable. At ease. You looked over at the bar, rather than any of the tables, and saw a spot near the end. Perfect. Right by the bathroom. You headed over and plopped down on the stool. There were three empty at the end, so you took the one in the middle, which had the best view of the stage from back here.

While waiting for the bartender to come back down this side, you took the chance to look at the people around you. A couple familiar faces.. small town you know? And some new ones. New gems too. You can see Mr. Fryman sitting at a table with Kofi and Nanefua, and they look like they’re playing poker. You try not to snicker since Kofi looks absolutely blasted, and Mr. Fryman is cursing up a storm because Nanefua is clearly winning. You see her wink at Mr. Fryman. You suspect a rigged game.

Your phone chimes a couple times. You pull it out of your bag, and check to see who’s bothering you. Ah. The group chat.

Alex: ughhh you guys my gmas killing me

Alex: no seriously mexico fucking blows rn

Alex: i cant step outside without feeling like my balls are melting off my body

Alex: and my brother won’t stop listening to the book of mormon soundtrack

Alex: im going insane

Your friends are so melodramatic. You type out a couple of replies.

Y/N: You should be used to mexican summers by now, you go every year.

Y/N: And for the record, your brother is valid. Book of Mormon slaps.

Alex: what the fuck youre supposed to be on my side u ass

Alex: i thought our special thing was wicked. OUR SPECIAL THING, Y/N

Y/N: I’m allowed to like multiple things. Including musicals.

Alex: never. fuck you. also what are you even doing rn come play minecraft with me

Y/N: Yeah as much as I’d like to, I can’t.

“Y/N! So you finally came to see what this place is all about! What can I get ya?” you hear a familiar voice ask. Turning around to face the voice, you see Bismuth wearing her usual overalls and a rather nice looking bow tie.

“Hey Bis, how’s it going? I like what you’ve done with the place. It’s nice. And uh, I’ll just take a hard cider for now.” You smile at her and set your phone down for a minute.

“Thank you! After we finished Little Homeworld, I had to find something else to focus on in my down time.” She explains while grabbing your drink from the fridge under her side of the bar, and opens it. “So tell me,” She sits the drink in front of you and leans on the counter. “What brings you out here today?”

You take a rather long sip from your drink before meeting the large gems eyes. On the stage, a tall, beardy man replaces the woman that just finished her piece. He immediately starts this jaunty, irish tune. He’s singing loudly, and it’s not bad. A couple of people are clapping to the tune.

“I just really needed to get out.” You replied, taking another sip from your drink. “I was kinda hoping I’d meet someone new, maybe get another friend to hang out with, since my friends wanted to ditch me this summer.” As you’re saying this, more people join the clapping. It’s getting a bit rowdy. “Or maybe at least get drunk enough to forget how lonely I feel.” You add, shrugging.

“Well, I can supply the drinks, and at least a bit of company.” Bismuth winks, and turns to the patron 6 seats up waving her over.

You check your phone again, and there’s more from Alex. AND Harper? She must still have phone service wherever she’s at. Alex: what are u fuckin doin that so important that u cant play minecraft with ur best friend

Harper: yeah, Y/N. the heck. Also alex, get lost, she’s MY best friend bitch

Alex: u had ur chances but u left us so we’re a duo now. u can go

Harper: excuse me!? I WILL end you.

Y/N: Oh my god, chill. I’m just out right now, so I can’t okay?

Y/N: And nice of you to join us, Harper.

Harper: fuck you I miss you okay. And I miss constant wifi :(

Alex: OUT!? What do you mean OUT. its night. u play games with ME during this time

Alex: for real what the fuck are you doing

Harper: yeah, you don’t go out without us. Wtf are you doing?

Y/N: I’m at a bar!! Alex: WHAT

Alex: dont tell me its the one place that just opened

Alex: Y/N do NOT betray me you TOLD ME you were gonna go with me!!

Y/N: I was. But I was also bored and you’re both gone, soooo.

Alex: wow

Alex: i cant believe youve done this to me

Harper: hmmm. ;)

Harper: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ;)

Y/N: What.

Harper: you tryin to find girls again?

Harper: like that one time you went to empire city just to peruse the mall?

Alex: LMAOOOOO

Y/N: No.

Alex: LMAOOOO Y/N GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND A GF LOLL

Y/N: I’m not trying to find a girlfriend you fucks. Christ.

Y/N: Also Alex, you’re one to talk. You can’t KEEP a girlfriend.

Alex: ur just mad i have a passionate and intimate relationship w/ my hand

Y/N: And it will probably stay that way.

Y/N: Besides, so far, no one cute here. So it’s a bust.

Harper: a bust. Lmfao u just outed yourself :)

Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

You put your phone down before seeing whatever Alex attempts to reply back with. It sounds like the current boisterous song is coming to a close, and really, most of the people here are clapping along with this guy. It’s fun. And despite the playful ribbing from your shit-talking friends, you’re starting to have a nice time. You finish your drink, and nod over to Bismuth who catches your eye and nods back. You look over onto the stage, the man having cleared the piano, and see Lapis wiping down the piano and seat. Guess he spilled his drink while playing. Lapis, unlike Bismuth, actually dressed up a bit for the job. Her hair was pulled in a cute, small bun, and she was wearing what looks like a tailored tux with no jacket. The vest fit her quite well. She seemed.. happy. Good for her.

No one had taken up the stage again yet, but the place was still lively with chatter. You see someone out of the corner of your eye move towards the stage, but Bismuth comes over again so you tear your gaze away.

“Another cider? Or do you want something else this time, Y/N? She asks, cleaning a glass with a rag, and moves on to the next one.

“Ehh, yeah, give me another cider.” You say as you pull out your phone again. Bismuth sets down the drink in front of you.

Harper: what a goddamn disaster. she got that from me i think

Alex: no, youre both disasters separately

Y/N: Fuck you guys. Give me a break.

You hear the piano start to play again, and someone pulling the mic forward. You look up to see pink hair.. And someone kind of familiar. She’s wearing black slacks, a white collared shirt, and suspenders. The shirt is partially open, and you see part of a pink gem showing through on her chest. It looks like she’s got mascara running down her face.

And then.. she starts to sing.

It’s lovely. It’s slow and a bit sad, but she seems to be enjoying herself. She’s definitely done this before. Quite a few of the people around quiet down some, so you can hear her pretty clearly. You drink some, and text your friends.

Y/N: Guys, I lied. There’s a cute gem here who can sing.

Alex: holy fuk

Alex: what

Y/N: She looks kind of familiar though? I can’t quite place it though.

Harper: dude theres like near 100 gems now in little homeworld lol

Harper: you’ve probs seen most in passing? :P

Alex: are you serious Y/N? cant flirt with human women so u turn to aliens? lmfao

Y/N: Ohhhhh my god. Die.

The gem on stage sings the chorus with gusto - man she’s really getting into this. You’re kind of taken a bit with her performance. It just pulls you. But also.. She really seems familiar now and it’s bothering you.

Y/N: No I’m serious she seems really familiar and not in that In Passing kind of way.

Harper: what does she look like?

Alex: yeah a description would be nice

Harper: TAKE A PIC

Alex: holy shit YES

Y/N: I can’t take a pic. She’s too far away, it’ll be blurry.

Alex: literally just zoom in lord almighty

Y/N: Okay. Hold on a sec.

You turn on your camera app, and face the stage. Looks like the gem is actually finishing up her song. Perfect, you’ll snap a pic once she stands up. She finishes, and most of the people are clapping for her. You zoom in, and it’s grainy, but decent enough to make out most of her. You snap the pic.

The flash was on.

A couple people turn to look at you, and you try turning away quickly, horrified, and see the gem looking in your direction before walking off into the crowd of people. You cannot imagine a worse scenario.

Y/N: FUCK FUCCCCKKKKKK.

Y/N: (image sent)

Y/N: I GOT YOUR FUCKING PIC BUT THE FLASH IS ON.

Y/N: I’M PRETTY SURE SHE SAW THAT IT WAS ME THAT TOOK THE PIC.

With shaking hands, you take another sip of your drink and wait for a reply. Why is life like this.

Harper: uh.

Harper: ummm.

Alex: wait

Alex: one fucking second

Y/N: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU CARING ABOUT MY PLIGHT.

Y/N: I’M TRYING NOT TO COMBUST ON THE SPOT HERE.

Alex: shut up for one second

Alex: harper isnt that

Harper: uhh. yeah i think so.

Y/N: WHAT!? WHO IS IT. WHY DOES THAT MATTER AT THIS POINT.

Alex: lmao i cant believe i have to tell u this

Alex: bitch do u remember that shit that happened last summer

Alex: where half the town almost died from that gem shit

Alex: that’s her Alex: that’s the bitch who almost killed like, the entire planet

Harper: you know that night your dad almost died??

As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

#spinel #spinel x reader #spinel su #steven universe #spinel self insert #my fic #devils ballroom

116 notes · View notes

jxdedfeelings · 5 years

Text

News That Bruise

They’d been dating for a month now. Well, somewhere along the lines of a month. He hadn’t exactly kept count, though with how fixated he was on the entire relationship it was almost a surprise he hadn’t logged every day.

Every hour.

Every second.

It was inevitable for Felix to catch wind of the news, especially with how Jack entrusted the Swede with any information whatsoever. Ranging from a silly meme he’d come across on Reddit or something far too personal that he would’ve easily kept to himself. Ever since the two had grown closer, Jack had found relief in being able to share such burdening troubles. Particularly since the two lived so close to each other.

That was definitely a plus.

Felix as always had listened to the male, nodding occasionally when Jack had glanced up to see if he had grown bored of the topic, or uncomfortable with the raised discussion. But not once had Felix ever requested for a change or showed a look of disinterest. Not a single time.

He was such a good friend.

His best friend.

But that was all he was. All he’d ever be. Jack had made certain of that.

It was a lazy morning and Felix was trudging down the stairs in some baggy clothing with Edgar following not far behind. They’d made their way to the kitchen soon enough, and in a few seconds, he’d prepped his pot and gathered his usual ceramic mug for a nice cup of a well – deserved ol’ joe. That’s how Jack had referred to it sometimes. Was that in one of his videos of one of their café meetups? He’d forgotten, but nevertheless, the warm beverage brought the Irishman to his mind.

He scarfed down the eggs he’d fried alongside sips of the coffee he’d made, responding to the meal with a satisfied hum upon finishing. An hour or two had passed by then, and now it was time to get to the grind.

That was until a vibration caught his attention.

His phone was stationed on the armrest, minding its own business, then with a slow swipe, Felix had retrieved the device. Flipping his leather case open, eyes glossed over the notification. A small smile tweaked up as he spied the name.

Quickly he inputted his passcode and was greeted to the usual pleasantry.

Jack: Hey hey

Felix chuckled before rolling his eyes. A few taps later and his own exchange was sent.

Felix: Hi hi

A second passed before the next message popped up.

Jack: I’ve got news!

Felix’s brow arched and lips pursed in puzzlement, curious as to the implications.

Felix: Oh?

Jack: Can I call?

Felix: Yeah sure

Jack: :D

A smile stretched across his profile upon seeing the last line. Jack was such a goof.

He loved it.

He’d placed his phone to his ear, waiting for the bubble of excitement to burst and for the Irish accent to permeate throughout his drums. Then Jack was there, and he smiled again.

“Heya Felix!”

“Sup Jack.”

There was an obvious contrast between the two personalities as soon as the Swedish male had parted his lips, though Felix had always been calm and collected, not entirely apathetic or anything but just relaxed. That wasn’t to say Jack wasn’t either if anything the withheld information was eating away at him, and he couldn’t help but be energetic when it came to delivering it.

“Alright, I’ll cut to the chase, not gonna beat around the bush or anythin’ like that.”

“Go on…”

Felix could feel how Jack had cracked a smile through the phone. His enthusiasm was contagious as well, for the blonde’s smile had spread into a grin, growing wider by the second.

“So basically… I’m seeing someone!”

There was a pause. His heart had skipped a beat, and his face froze. All colour had drained from him and a frown wove itself across, not even having been registered by the male. It was all instinctual. All involuntary.

For a lack of better words, he was crushed.

It didn’t help when he learned who the partner was.

“That’s… that’s great Jack!” Felix tried, tried his best, tried his damnedest to sound happy for Jack. But it came out sounding more like he’d just learned that his dog had been run over.

Jack could tell. He wasn’t an idiot.

“Hey, you ok?”

Felix had leaned forward, rested his elbow on his knee and pinched the bridge of his nose. A sigh surfaced and his body tensed. Thank god phones couldn’t communicate body language.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just… I only woke up a second ago dude.” Cue a light-hearted chuckle. “This is all of a sudden I’m still trying to process it all.”

“Oh shit yeah.” Jack laughed, laughed with that carefree and genuine tone that was unique to only him. A special laugh. “Sorry about that, I sometimes forget there are people out there who actually have a sleep schedule.”

“You should give it a go, instead of complaining about your dark circles all the time.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Hey, it really helps with your complexion! My skin is flaaawless.”

Jack broke out with a giggle then shot back an exclamation. It was obvious he was grinning.

“I sleep!”

“Minecraft doesn’t count.”

He smirked smugly with that remark and Jack only confirmed his snide success as a long, dragged groan delighted his ears.

“Felix I swear-“

For a second Jack’s outburst had been a thing of the past, and the two had participated in their usual exchange of bullfuckery. But that could only last for so long.

Life just had other plans.

So did Felix’s curiousity.

“So, who’s the lucky girl?”

He could feel his heartstrings been tugged, the cords pulled apart, stretching and stretching until…

“He, actually.”

“Oh?”

A beat.

“Yeah, it’s… well, promise you won’t make fun.”

“I swear.”

A beat.

“I’m seeing Mark!”

“Ah…”

Snap.

“Yeah, yeah Septiplier is real, who would’ve thought?”

“Well, your fans are gonna go insane.”

So would he.

“Ah well, we’re not gonna announce it or anything yet, it’s only been a few weeks anyways.”

A few weeks? Admittedly, it hurt that Jack hadn’t spoken of it sooner, but Felix could… overlook it.

“Well, I’m happy for you man.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Felix you’re such a good friend. God, I’m so glad I could tell you.”

“Me too Jack, me too.”

“Well, I gotta run now but let’s collab later? Play some Minecraft or somethin’?”

“You bet.”

“Hell yeah.”

For a brief second, there was silence. It almost felt like Jack was sitting there beside him, smiling that bright smile of his that never ceased to light up a room. One that always made his heart flutter.

But now it just made his organ crumble. Crushed like sawdust.

The mere image gnawed away at him.

His chirpy voice finally broke the bleak atmosphere.

Felix didn’t smile.

“Uh, see ya later Felix!”

“Bye Jack.”

Hesitation crackled on the other end, and it wasn't hard to recognise how the other's brows had furrowed, donning a worrisome expression. They'd spent enough time together that even a phone call couldn't prevent them from reading one another.

“You sure you’re ok?”

Felix inhaled deeply, reminding himself to keep steady. Keep his composure.

Be happy for your friend.

“I’m fine dude, don’t worry.”

That sounded more or less persuading, but it seemed Jack had believed the fib. Good.

“Alright, alright. Can’t help it sometimes.”

“You’re such a dork.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Felix sniggered. He loved setting off the Irishman, and he knew Jack loved it too.

He only hoped that it hadn't been too pronounced. Maybe the YouTuber would've heard the crack in his voice, the slight break. An indicator of tearing up.

“See ya, Jack.”

“Byeee!”

The disconnected dial tone wavered in his ears for a few moments. He sat with the device still pressed against his ear then eventually brought it away before placing it back on the arm beside him. Both hands moved to cradle his head whilst elbows propped on both knees for support. A bitter groan emerged as he rested in his lap, screwing eyes shut as the inner turmoil began to blossom.

It was going to be a long day.

His phone buzzed again. Cursing under his breath, he slowly drew his attention towards the moving piece of technology. With yet another careless snag, he took the phone and stared through bleary blues at the caller ID.

Oh god.

It was Mark.

#jelix #my fic #drabble #angst #heartbreak

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ihavenoconsistentname · 4 years

Text

Lmao gotta repost it I did something and it fucked up the read more

Anyways

Long ramble about SkillsUSA skip it if you dont have interest in reading this

So anywsays SkillsUSA Holy FUCK was it fun and I'm really excited for State and I'm so keen on getting to Nationals I worked so hard on my pin design I really love it I'm so proud of it and I'm confident with it much more now because everyone has been supporting me and saying they love the pin design and I've just been super fucking excited about it I was nervous as hell because I'm bad at speaking for more than like 2 seconds and I had to give a 5-7 minute speech on how I created my design and shit and I think I barely filled 3 minutes at district but practicing at meetings I got up to 4:45 at one point and I didn't fuck up too much when I spoke at district But I don't have that same room to make a damn mistake at State, I'm confident with my pin design but not so much my speaking so I need to work on that a bit, I caught myself when I was going to fast at the start, I tried to remember what to say, and apparently I did really good, the guy escorting me I told him on the way to the room that I'm not the best at speaking and when he left he said "And I thought you said you were bad at speaking? You did really good!" And I was happy!! I was glad I did good and I know I did good but I also know I can and should do better So I wanna work on that Afterwards when Mads and I were hanging in 7th period with Katherine, Kat even said SkillsUSA isn't about winning, you don't go to WIN, you go for the experience, you go for the challenge, you go to learn and improve and have fun and THAT'S what SkillsUSA is all about, and it really is!! Like, I said this in my speech for the judges: 6th grade me? Never would have done this shit. She never would have done this shit. 7th grade? He probably wouldn't either. He would want to, but he would back out on the idea and think nah I can't do that I'm too awkward and not skilled enough and he wouldn't even TRY to take the opportunity. Me now? I was fucking tired of it. I'm fucking tired of not being able to just have some DAMN fun with my interest and god dammit I was going to do this pin design challenge. I heard it and immediately I went to Mads and said sign me the fuck up for this SkillsUSA business and I went with her to the first meeting and I went to every meeting I could possibly go to afterwards and I fucking did it. I pulled through, I learned well enough how to speak or at least calm my damn nerves enough to speak, I learned how to use the computer software, I learned how to adjust my design according to feedback, I fucking learned things and I'm GOING to use my experience at district to grow and work on it so that I can win at State and go to Nationals and make everyone proud. But most importantly? I'm going to go and have some fucking fun with this. I'm gonna have the best time ever and I'm gonna try my best because god dammit everyone is proud of me, I'm proud of myself, I have some fucking CONFIDENCE for once. 6th grade me would have been like no no no i cant do this i cant, 7th grade me would have been like well that was because I had no competition, I'm not going to get any farther than this. But me now? I will practice and go to state and I WILL fucking win. I don't need to win 1st place in Nationals, but son of a bitch I am getting there at LEAST. I'm gonna overcome my fuckin speaking challenges, I'm gonna learn how to stay calm and collected, I'm gonna even try talking to the other contestants, I'm gonna maintain confidence, and I'm just gonna do my damn best. I don't want to get to Nationals without Mads and she doesn't want to get to Nationals without me, so dammit I am going to get there and I know damn well she'll make it to because she's amazing and I know she'll be okay with Thomas and Brandon, they'll pull through, they'll learn and improve just like I will. So that part is over now I just wanna talk about how much fun I had. I had so much fun today. We all did. Hezekiah won gold medal against Sase (who got silver) for job skills demo, Mads, Brandon, and Thomas won gold for team engineering, and I won gold for pin design. Hezekiah and Sase were the only two with actual competition out of the 6 of us, but we were all still proud of ourselves. So all of us are going to State (maybe not Sase but he technically still could because he got 2nd and if you get in the top 3 winnings you qualify to go to state and compete). After that we just have to win against the other middle school competition and we get to Nationals. But that aside again it was really fun. We did a few things. For one thing we had a lot of trouble with a vending machine- we couldn't get it to work and eventually Ms Hamilton was like alright come on we're getting actual food and we went over in the cold to get food from a little grill tent where they made hot dogs and burgers (which were actually plant-based ones and they were pretty damn good). Brandon had to yoink Sase's windbreaker from him because Brandon didn't have one (didn't need one) and it was cold af so yea. And Thomas' parents actually paid for us to all get food there so that was fucking amazing and he made sure to thank them on all our behalf for that. So we went back to the little vending machine lunch room and we talked about random shit I don't remember all of it but it involved stuff with teachers and all that. I also played minecraft and messed with bees, Brandon asked if I had diamonds yet and I didn't cause I just started the new world. After that we just went back over to the big room where the ceremony would be and we sat in the same uncomfy chairs as before, I played minecraft, they set out board games n stuff on the side, all that shit. (Before that tho we had all competed). After that I think we took some pictures, sat around for a while, eventually went to retrieve my board and binder from the room they kept it in, more minecraft, took a walk with Mads because our legs hurt from sitting down forever, came back and they had the ceremony, a lot of clapping for people we didn't know, extra clapping for each other (especially Hezekiah), after that we took a couple more pictures and got the fuck out, talked a lot in the car, went to Steak n Shake, went back to school, Mads and I just stayed in Ms Hamilton's room with Katherine the rest of the day, we talked about random stuff- Really fun today. It was the best damn day ever. Honestly. And that ties back to how SkillsUSA is about the whole experience you get to have. It's fucking amazing.

#alex rambling #aAAAAAA

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fearofaherobrine · 6 years

Text

Roleplay Server Log #298

"Visiting the Mainframe, Off to the Bar”

-a few hours pass-

[Notch] Opens his phone to see what Cp put as a contact number-

-CP's number is under "Shut the Fuck up"-

[Notch] Sighs and dials it-

[CP] Soon picks up- What?

[Notch] I think she's gone.

[CP] - On our way- He hangs up and teleports himself, Deer, and Flux to the apartment

[Notch] That didn't go well...

[Flux] - What happened?

[Notch]She's just super nosy and I didn't have my story straight with what my coworkers told her-

[Flux] Puts a hand on Notch's shoulder- Don't worry, I'm sure we can shore up any loose ends

[Notch] Leans on her quietly-

[CP] - So now what?

[Deer] - I suggest some cleaning

[Notch] Me casa su casa....

[Deer] - What?

[CP] - A stupid Spanish saying, that's all

[Notch] My house is your house. But I warn you, what's in the fridge hasn't been touched in a very long time.

[CP] - So burn it?

[Notch] Umm... More like bag it and take it out to the can?

[CP] - But fire is more fun

[Notch] ...

[Flux] - CP...

[Deer] - Why would it not having been touched so long be bad?

[Notch] Because things rot out here. They get moldy and fall apart.

[Deer] - Rot?

[Notch] You know how... if you throw an item down it despawns after a bit? Like that but slowly falling apart and then vanishing.

[Deer] - Oh, I see.- Her stomach rumbles a little- Maybe somebody should go get food...

[Notch] I'll get the food. Just in case the house is being watched.

[Flux] - Go, we'll work on stuff here

[Notch] Leaves in his small car and comes back shortly afterwards with a great deal of fried chicken, slaw, and potatoes - I know it's boring American- style food. But it's quick and no one bats an eye when you buy lots.

[Flux] Had been using her magic to remove the dust in the house and CP had cleared out the fridge. Deer was airing out the house from the smell from the fridge-

[Notch] it smells better in here at least. I brought some soda too.

[Flux] - Soda?

[Deer] - Oh, like the bubbly stuff from Yaunfen's seed?

[Notch] Maybe? It's a bit like that orange potion Doc gives when people get hurt too. Soda comes in lots of flavors. He chunks down a bag full of colorful cans

[Deer] Pokes at the chicken- What is this?

[Notch] Hmm? It's just chicken

[Deer] - But it looks so different...

[Notch] Well it's fried instead of roasted.

[Flux] - Let's sit down and eat

[Notch] good enough for me, come on Cp. Have some food.

[CP] - I'm fine

[Notch] Don't make me dad you please. I know you haven't eaten in at least a day and a half

[CP] Grumbles but does grab the largest piece he can

[Deer] Searches for plates-

[Notch] Thank you. Are you hunting for something Deerheart?

[Deer] - Plates, but I can't seem to find them... It's weird not having chests

[Notch] Check the cabinets, there were clean dishes in the washer too, just tug the handle

[Deer] Pulls the oven open instead-

[Notch] No Deerheeart that's the... furnace. Go up a bit.

[Deer] Reaches up for a cabinet and opens it-

[CP] Is snickering-

-There is a simple set of white dishes and some cups on the shelf above.

[Deer] Gathers the necessary utensils and plates and brings them to the table, passing them out-

[Flux] - So what are we going to do now?

[Notch] We could visit my old team, do you want to see the mainframe?

[Flux] - The main frame?

[Deer] - What's that?

[Notch] It's the central hub for Minecraft. If you have a server, or a console, it's what you connect too when you play online.

[Deer] - I'd love to see it!

[Notch] Then you guys eat, I'll call so they're expecting us. - He takes a hunk of chicken and noms while dialing-

[CP] - Why call?

[Notch] I want to make sure that cop isn't hanging around and that there's someone there to let us in. It is late afternoon.

[CP] Rolls his eyes- But surprising them is so much more fun

[Notch] Mouth is a flat line- Just eat-

[CP] - Make me

[Notch] Is already on the phone and halfway into the living room and doesn't even hear him-

[Flux] She and Deer taste the various salads Notch brought as well-

[Notch] Comes back. - Okay we're good. It won't be everybody but I can show you around.

[Flux] - That would be lovely

[CP] Very sarcastically- Joy...

[Notch] If we can get everyone in the car....

[CP] - Count me out

[Notch] Okay. Will you be here when we get back? Or should I call Doc when we're done?

[CP] - I'll be here

[Notch] Settles back down to eat and then waits for them to finish.

[Flux] Politely puts her utensils down when she is finished-

[Deer] - That was good, we should take some home too!

[Notch] Easy enough. Just stow some leftovers in your inventory, take a little of everything.

[Deer] Quickly complies-

[CP] Starts wandering towards the other room-

[Notch] Looks outside- I think we're good to go. But Deerheart, you need to reequipt your shoes.

[Deer] - But I hate them

[Notch] Please?

[Deer] - Oh alright- She sits down on the ground and starts pulling on her shoes again

[Notch] Once they're ready he leads them out to the garage and presents his little car, opening the doors for them politely-

[Flux] - Is it... Safe?

[Notch] I like to think so. I'm a careful driver.

[Flux] Slides into the front seat-

[Deer] Crawls into the back, sitting in the center- Are we sure CP will be okay by himself? Maybe we should call Lie...

[Notch] He may do it on his own. And he also might eat a bit more once we're gone.

[Deer] - Fair point

[Notch] Best to give him some space. - He starts up the car with a low-pitched thrum and scoots outside before closing the garage and pulling out onto the street. Traffic is light since it's late afternoon, and the sky is rosy with slanted sunlight on scattered clouds.

[Flux] Watches everything pass by them-

[Deer] - We're going so fast! But there's no wind!

[Notch] Do you want the windows down? It might mess up your hair.

[Deer] - The glass can move? How do you fit the sticky pistons in there?

[Notch] It's got little cogwheels driven by a motor. - he hits a button and one of the back windows slides halfway down-

[Deer] Peeks out, the wind whipping her hair about- The air is so different here

[Notch] Different how?

[Deer] - I'm not sure how to explain it...

[Notch] It's got more smells I'm sure. Not all of them good either.

[Deer] - You're probably right

[Notch] Pulls into the parking lot of a modern office building. It's mostly glass with trees and a bit of landscaping. He parks and gets out to let them out as well, looking around a bit suspiciously-

[Deer] - Everything alright Notch?

[Notch] Just paranoid- He walks briskly up to the doors and a woman hops up from a chair and lets them in- Fangbo! Good to see you!

[Fangbo] You as well, in high def again. Haha. Hey.... - she leans over- who are your friends?

[Jeb] Oh good he's here and... with ladies?

[Deer] - Hello!

[Flux] Moves a bit closer to Notch-

[Notch] Fangbo... we found out something amazing! Not only do the server spirits adjust way faster to being physical, they became more humanlike to fit in as well! This is Deerheart and Flux!

[Fangbo] Holy shit....

[Jeb] Is just staring with his jaw hanging open.

[Dofta] From the hall-whoah!

[Flux] - It's a pleasure to meet you in person

[Deer] Is distracted by a little bug-

[Fangbo] You as well! Come on in! - She starts leading them down the hall- We got donuts and coffee too.

[Jeb] This is so crazy...

[Deer] Steps inside and sits on the ground to take her shoes off-

[Flux] Looks at everything curiously-

[Dofta] Do your feet hurt?

[Deer] - I hate not being connected to the ground, it's why I have hooves on the server

[Dofta] Oh... Well there's trees in the atrium. We can go sit in there if you want.

[Deer] - That would be nice!- Stands up and pops her shoes into her inventory

[Fangbo] Is pointing out people's offices and different departments and comes out into the atrium. There's a glass bubble in the ceiling and a huge round raised planter with medium sized trees and low flowers planted in it and a round bench around the edge.

[Deer] Immediately heads for the plants-

[Jeb] Takes a donut from a trio of boxes with different types and a coffee maker perks merrily by the wall.

[Flux] - It smells nice in here

[Dofta] It's a nice place to recharge when you're feeling braindead.

[Notch] Motions for Flux - Come and look at this- There's a large room off the atrium with a glass wall and double glass doors, it's full of terminals and standing carts of computer memory banks and processors- This is it. The mainframe.

[Flux] Places a hand against the glass- So many lives...

[Notch] You can come in, it's okay.

[Fangbo] Follows them - So if every seed has a potential spirit, a new life.... My gods...

[Flux] Follows Notch in, her fingers reaching for the drives-

-There are many, many cords, each bundled in groups of twenty and laid neatly over eachother. -

[Fangbo] A bit nervous - just be careful, don't unplug anything.

[Flux] - I will not, my magic can connect me

[Notch] Reaches for her other hand unthinkingly-

[Flux] Once the contact is made her senses flow outwards to everyone else nearby, letting them feel what she can for each server-

[Jeb] Goes stiff and is just staring in wonder-

[Dofta] Oh my... it's so beautiful... -a little tear rolls down her cheek-

[Flux] Suddenly recoils with a hiss-

[Notch] What is it?!

[Flux] - That bastard

[Fangbo] Who?

[Flux] - Harvestman...

[Dofta] Oh geeze... did he catch someone?

[Flux] - No, I just brushed against him

[Dofta] Oh good. I've noticed the wild brines have gotten very good at avoiding him. He's pretty easy to spot and hear coming these days.

[Flux] - Good, so long as he remains away from CP's seed

[Deer] - Calm down Flux, we don't know what sort of effects your magic might have out here

[Dofta] You can still do magick out here?!

[Flux] - In theory, yes

[Fangbo] Like what? what can you do? -She's super curious now-

[Flux] - Mine is the raw magic of the game, what allows players to craft with minimal effort. I'm not sure what it would do out here...

[Notch] Lets just not do it right next to the mainframe. Let's go back in the atrium at least.

[Flux] - Yes, of course- She follows Notch out

[Fangbo] So.. what would you need to test it?

[Flux] - Some basic materials

[Deer] Digs a bit and tosses a few rocks towards Flux, she's already pretty dirty as she reaches up to grab a couple small branches-

[Flux] - Thank you Deer

[Dofta] watches her, fascinated-

[Flux] Once she has all of the materials she concentrates, her magic swirling with uncertainty in the new dimension before attaching itself to the pieces before her, molding them into a tool which has a faint purple tint which quickly fades-

[Jeb] Nearly chokes on a donut- holy shit...

[Deer] - Yup, your magic still works out here

[Notch] Do you want to try something Deerheart?

[Deer] - I'm not sure what I could do that wouldn't end up being super obvious...

[Notch] Guages the space, - you could shapeshift?

[Jeb] Into what?!

[Deer] - Well yeah, that's a part of me!- She concentrates and shifts into her dragon form, nearly filling the space

[Jeb] Squeaky scream-

[Dofta] Ends up against the wall with Deerheart's tail pressing her a little- A DRAGON OH MY GODS.

[Deer] Tries to move around so she isn't squishing anybody-

[Dofta] This is the coolest thing ever!

[Fangbo] Was examining the tool and got startled by Deerheart shifting- WHOAH!

[Flux] - Perhaps you should shift back now Deer

[Deer] - Yeah, you're right- She shifts back quickly

[Dofta] Is practically vibrating with excitement- That was so neat!!!!

[Deer] - Endrea is more impressive

[Notch] But Endrea is on model. We helped make her shape. Deerheart is unique.

[Deer] - I think size wise Endrea is pretty off model...

[Flux] Takes a seat by the tree-

[Notch] Okay, she is really big, I'll give you that....

[Fangbo] Swings the pick Flux made - This is so cool...

[Deer] - Careful, you may knock something out

[Fangbo] Does it work the same out here too? It can take a LOT of swings with a pickaxe to wreck something.

[Flux] - It should

[Fangbo] Can I... keep it?

[Flux] - Absolutely

[Deer] Kinda rolls in the flowers-

[Dofta] Deerheart... are you feeling okay? You're kinda smushing the flowers.

[Deer] Sits up- Smushing?

[Dofta] Indicates a few crushed blooms-

[Deer] - Oh! I'm sorry! It's just all these textures are so new...

[Jeb] It's no big deal. I'm just glad you didn't bring the sourpuss with you this time.

[Deer] - He's back at Notch's place

[Jeb] Then you've got more trust in him then I would...

[Notch] Don't talk shit about my son unless you want me to do the same about your little goblin.

[Jeb] Scowls- shut up.

[Notch] Exactly

[Flux] - Little goblin?

[Notch] He has a wife and kid too.

[Flux] - Oh

[Deer] - Hmmm, do you think we should start a betting pool on when Lie and CP will have a kid?

[Notch] A what?!

[Dofta] They're trying to have a baby?

[Jeb] The child of two Herobrines.... good gods...

[Deer] - Not trying, but both of them are very fertile

[Dofta] Ho boy....

[Deer] - I think their baby will be adorable

[Notch] And powerful...

[Fangbo] I feel the jaws of evolution closing on my throat at the thought....

[Flux] - Is it some peace to know they are the only two brines that we know of that can have a child?

[Fangbo] Maybe...

[Notch] Yeah but... it's established now that the creepypastas can breed if their Insanity is removed.

[Deer] - Hyrule is so cute

[Dofta] That's so cute, someone really likes LOZ.

[Deer] - More like Aven didn't give BEN a choice

[Dofta] Well if you're carrying the baby I think you should have more say in the name anyway.

[Jeb] Grumbles because his wife also named their kid.

[Deer] - Doc named our child

[Notch] It's a good name. I don't know what it means though.

[Jeb] We're talking about a dragon, right?

[Deer] - If I remember correctly, it's a fated encounter that brings people together, Yaunfen

[Fangbo] Oh! I saw a picture of them! They're so cute.

[Dofta] Ditto on that.

[Deer] - Yes, always so happy and helpful

[Notch] Gives a little yawn. -Sheesh... I still feel so jet lagged.

[Flux] - Do you wish to rest?

[Notch] Yeah, I think so. I just hate to be a party pooper. I'd say we should just go back to the server directly but I don't want to leave my car here.

[Flux] - Then let's return to your place and rest there, at least for a little bit

[Dofta] It was good seeing you again.

[Fangbo] Same here. Don't be a stranger.

[Notch] Hey, if I learn to make portals I can visit any of you whenever.

[Jeb] Call first...

[Deer] - Good luck convincing your son to teach you that

[Notch] Ah, nuts to that. - He grins - I'll just ask Doc instead.

[Flux] - Or you could ask Lie

[Notch] Do-able, but a bit less fun.

[Deer] - Wait... Do I have to put my shoes back on?

[Notch] Only until we get in the car.

[Deer] Groans but does sit down and start pulling on her shoes again-

[Dofta] Remember we're her for you guys if you need anything tweaked.

[Notch] Oh shit... that was something we needed. Anybody got a flash drive?

[Flux] - What's wrong?

[Notch] It seems like it would be a good idea if you weren't the only one carrying a copy of your seed. It might be good for Deerheart too.

[Flux] - You wish to carry a copy too?

[Dofta] I have a spare but it's kinda stupid looking.

[Notch] Maybe? Nobody has to see it. It can just be an inventory item.

[Deer] Finally gets her shoes on-

[Dofta] Okay... - she takes it out of her pocket and it's a small robot in a sitting position. - You can have it. Your server is heavily protected though, you'll have to take the copy yourself.

[Deer] - What are we doing?

[Notch] Takes the toy flash drive and gives it to her- We're going to make a copy of the server and give it to you to carry. Just in case.

[Deer] - Oh! So a project for Doc?

[Notch] Yep.

[Deer] - Okay!

[Notch] Now if you don't mind, we should head back. It's bad to drive tired.

[CP] Had eaten a bit more once the others had left when he felt Lie brush against his mind. He eagerly reached out for his wife-

[Lie] - Hey, how are you holding up?

[CP] - Fine, but I'm ready for this to all be over

[Lie] - Are you alone right now?

[CP] Frowns a bit- Yeeessss...

[Lie] - Where exactly are you?

[CP] - Notch's apartment

[Lie] - Wait one moment- After a few she slips into the room having used Notch's computer

[CP] Sweeps his wife into an embrace, taking in her scent- Gods I've missed you

[Lie] - I'm rather proud of you CP

[CP] - For what?

[Lie] - Well you've been on your best behavior during all this and I think that deserves a reward

[CP] His eyes narrow a little- What type of reward?

[Lie] Moves closer and reaches up to draw his face closer- The kind that you like very much- She kisses him and it doesn't take much encouragement for him to start stripping both of them

[Notch] Drives cautiously back to the house. It's dark out and sprinkling a bit-

[Flux] - I see no stars...

[Notch] Looks up, -that's because it's cloudy. and real stars aren't as bright as you're used too. At least not in the city.

[Deer] - But then the human's don't get to see how beautiful they are...

[Notch] You have to go out in the country where there's fewer lights to get a good look.

[Flux] - Such a shame

[Notch] Yeah. But they can always come play with us and be under the stars in game.

[Deer] - Exactly! And they get to build and discover!

[Notch] It was my dream too. I'm glad I got to share it with everyone, and then you guys came along and made it all new again.

[Flux] - We'll be back home soon

[Notch] Pulls into the driveway and taps the garage control. - It will be nice to go home. It feels weird out here now.

[Deer] - There's so much that we don't recognize or know... I'm glad our world is simple

[Notch] It's just nice to not be so busy. I think I've really come to appreciate a pastoral existence. - He slides into the garage and taps the door back down

[Flux] - By the way, what are these flat things for?

[Notch] What flat things?

[Flux] - These dark colored items with the iron shaoe that slides on them

[Notch] Aw fuck! Those are seatbelts and you two should have been wearing them. Did you not notice mine? We got lucky... cops can pull people over and give them tickets for that.

[Deer] - Sorry, we didn't know

[Notch] I know... It's my mistake. They keep you from falling forward if the car gets hit or has to stop suddenly

[Flux] - I see- She then opens the car door and Deer does the same in the back, stretching as she gets out- So where will we all sleep?

[Notch] I thought we were going back to the server?

[Deer] - That all depends on CP

[Notch] I think it's likely he'll want to go home. I know he's missing Lie.

[Deer] - Then let's go bug him

[Flux] Moves around to Notch's side and takes his arm-

[Notch] Kisses her and then sweeps her off her feet. He picks her up a bit awkwardly and opens the door with his foot while holding her aloft like a bride.

[CP] Is in the front room fucking Lie on the floor-

[Lie] Yelps as soon as Notch enters and turns bright red-

[CP] Growls at them a bit-

[Notch] Can't see around Flux's hair in his face and walks right in-

[CP] - FUCK OFF!

[Lie] Little whine-

{Notch] Huh? What the? Oh shit..... sorry guys...

[Lie] Is covering herself-

[CP] - Seriously, I just want to bang my wife

[Notch] Well I just wanted to sleep. Make us a portal to get back and we'll leave. Promise!

[CP] Sighs and hands Lie his shirt and grumbles as he pulls his own pants on- No point in continuing now...

[Notch] I said I'd go!

[Deer] - It's more like Lie will need time to settle down after being caught

[CP] - Why in such a rush to get back? Besides, I was promised alcohol

[Notch] I'm just tired, and now you're making me feel bad for inturrupting you.

[CP] - Good!

[Notch] Wilts a bit. He's still holding Flux.

[Flux] Draws Notch's attention towards her- Perhaps one night here will not harm us

[Notch] I guess... I need coffee though. Wait, who promised you alcohol?

[CP] - Jeb

[Notch] Then Jeb can go with you. I'm dead on my feet. - He puts Flux gingerly down and gets out his phone.

[Lie] Sits up, covered by CP's shirt- You're going out?

[Notch] Sure, that's fine. He says you promised him booze, uh huh... got it. Ten minutes? Okay, bye. - hangs up the phone. - I'm going to bed. He'll be here shortly-

[Deer] - I think I'll find a chair to curl up in

[Flux] - I'll come with you

[CP] Looks at his wife and just shakes his head, summoning his jacket to cover himself so his wife can have his shirt

-There's the sound of a car in the driveway shortly afterwards, and a toot toot on the horn-

[CP] Gives Lie a quick kiss and slips outside, heading for the car, his eyes covered by his sunglasses

[Jeb] Is waiting in the car with Yster in the side seat.

[Yster] Hello again. It sounds like I missed all the fun earlier.

[Jeb] Just hop in.

[CP] Rolls his eyes but does slip into the backseat-

[Jeb] Zips off into the night-

[CP] - So where are we going?

[Jeb] Just a decent bar. I don't have a local favorite so I'm heading for the one that has the best wings and fries.

[CP] - Count me out on the food

[Yster] The food is mostly for me.

[CP] - Why?

[Yster] Because I'll be driving back. I don't drink.

[CP] Scoffs- Lame, besides, it takes a lot to get me drunk

[Yster] It's not lame. I don't mind alcohol but I'd prefer Jeb had a DD so he doesn't plow into an overpass. And I wasn't aware that you knew how to drive.

[CP] - I don't, but I can teleport

[Jeb] Well I don't want to leave my car in a random place.

-He pulls into a parking lot and there's the sound of music coming from within. It looks like a sports bar and there are a lot of patrons hovering in front of the largest TV-

[CP] - Oh I could have fun with this

[Yster] Somehow I doubt it's because you like sports-

[Jeb] Locks up the car and starts walking up -

[CP] Follows behind them-

[Jeb] Finds a few open stools at the bar and plops down, waving to get the bartenders attention-

[Yster] At Cp- You might want to take off your sunglasses and just squint. It makes you look like a narc.

[Bartender] walks up- what can I get you?

[CP] - The strongest shit you have- At Yster- Yeah not happening

[Bartender] Do you want it on the rocks? Or just shots?

[CP] - Shots

[Jeb] I'll buy the bottle, whatever he wants. Just bring him a shot glass with it.

[Yster] Hot wings and a water for me.

[Bartender] Got it.

[CP] Glances at the tv and with a flick of power switches it to an opera channel-

-There's a roar of anger from the watchers and some fumbling for the remote-

[Yster] eyebrow at Cp-

[CP] Snickers a bit-

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