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#i can talk about the ugliest parts of myself
ghoulphile · 1 day
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janey's dad | c.h./the ghoul | part 01
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➥ pairing | cooper howard/the ghoul x f!reader ➥ word count | 3.7k ➥ warning(s) | 🔞 smut; age gap, hair pulling, teasing, making out, mutual pining, lipstick kink, stockings, frottage, porn w/ feelings, porn w/ plot, mild angst w/ happy ending, divorced!coop, babysitter!reader, pre-war/bomb ➥ summary | “We really, uh, shouldn’t - oh fuck, you look --” ➥ notes | i'm so sorry this is later than it should be. i am unfortunately a corporate slave and this fic just did not want to cooperate 🫠 there are a lot more things planned and this fic is turning into a bit of a beast (20+ pages and counting rip lmao) so i've decided to split it into two parts to make it more manageable for myself mostly un-beta'd atm a special thanks to @corinthianism for all her lovely help ❤️!!
feel free to send in thots, questions, requests! | masterlist
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Divorce is hard, but being a divorcé is downright hellish.
One of the ugliest things in the world, if Cooper Howard has any say. At least when he was a Marine, they told him where to point his gun, where to aim; nameless threats vanishing with a quick squeeze of the trigger.
Here, these ‘enemies’ aren’t enemies — not really.
It’d be easier if they were.
Worse still, they have names he holds as dearly as his own. There’s Barb, whip smart and always so clever. Then Janey, the light of his life and so sweet his teeth ache.
Once upon a time, life was sweeter than apple pie on Sundays.
Then came the separation.
Afterwards, he finds it hard to look at what’s left of his family without losing breath like a horse kick to the chest. Their absence rips open a hole inside him ten miles wide, its edges jagged and wrong.
And when he can’t take the silence anymore, fingers of malt liquor help dull the ache, though it’ll never be enough to mend what’s broken.
See, war’s something he understands.
But these domestic battlefields where he sits across from his ex-wife while lawyers barter this weekend and that holiday?
How he struggles to meet his daughter’s eye every time she asks if he’s coming home?
When Barb keeps the house and the money while he keeps the scrapbooks and the dog?
He doesn’t — can't — refuses to comprehend.
Because in what world can you reconcile looking down the barrel of a smoking gun only to find the woman you love staring back, finger on the trigger? Left out to hang as Vault-Tec orchestrates his downfall.
The true depth of their involvement is unknown, but it’s no coincidence his bank accounts dried up faster than the Mojave in June. The ink still wet when the media snapped up the story of his failed marriage.
Thus, his reputation (rather what’s left of it) unraveled faster than a spool of thread.
Knocked on his ass and kept there by a boot heel crushing his windpipe. Whose? He hasn’t got a fucking clue.
But whoever they are, they’re making sure he stays a washed up nobody who struggles to land a call back, much less pay his monthly alimony on time.
See what we can do? You were America’s favorite gunslinger - now look at you. Mind your place.
Hell, millions used to scream his name.
Nowadays people whisper it behind their hands like a dirty secret, “Oh, did you hear? Cooper Howard…” as they dissect pieces of his life into bite-sized Before’s and After’s. “Hah! Serves him right. Y’know, I never liked him much.”
While he grits his teeth and swallows his bitterness with a smile, he hates how he can’t protect Janey from snide reporters and nosy strangers. Juggling actor-father-divorcé with fumbling hands.
It’s only been six months; a heartbeat, a lifetime, and already he’s scraped thin like butter over too much bread.
Something’s gotta give.
After all, he’s only one man.
But just when it's bleakest, the clouds part.
A young woman moves in next door, the first bright thing that’s come his way in a long, long while.
At first, he kept his distance.
Exchanged vague hello’s and how-are-you’s. Then Janey took a shine; always so friendly and eager to talk about her latest books.
Any reservations he might’ve had died when he saw how enamored you are with her.
Only made sense that over time small pleasantries turned into playdates. Then those playdates turned into sleepovers.
Before long, you’re watching her when a gig runs late.
Rustling up grub and tucking her into bed more often than not these days. And when he slinks in through the door, knees aching and stripped to the bone, there you are with a shy smile and a warm meal.
So what if he takes himself in hand after you leave, stroking his cock to the thought of you down on your knees in that pretty little sundress?
Imagines the wide stretch of your ruby lips as you swallow him down, lipstick smeared an awful mess?
Cums hard to the fantasy of your teary eyes and hiccupy breaths as you choke?
What you don’t know can’t hurt you.
After all, he’s a gentleman... he promises to keep his hands to himself.
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“All right, Sugar Bomb, it’s bedtime.”
Bundled in navy bedding up to her nose, Janey’s wide brown eyes peer up at you from beneath a riot of frizzy curls. Roosevelt, her ever faithful companion, plasters himself to her side. The tip of his tail swishes once, twice before falling limp.
“Ah, c’mon guys. Don’t look at me like that.” You sigh with a fond shake of the head, hip popping out to rest against the doorframe. “I don’t make the rules, I just follow ‘em.”
A muffled response sounds from the lump of little girl, “Nmfhm.”
Squinting, you dip your head and tap the side of your ear, "Pardon?"
“Mnhfmmmm.”
“Ye—eah… Didn’t catch that, Mumbler.”
Janey tugs down the blanket, her mouth pursed in a moue of displeasure. “I said,” she crosses her arms with a huff, “not until Dad gets home.”
Shit.
“M’sorry, baby. He’s still gonna be a while.” Walking across the room, you stop beside the bed and motion your hand back and forth. “Scooch over.”
Gangly limbs fumble as Janey wiggles into the middle of the mattress, her feet tangling in the blankets. Roosevelt takes a toe to the nose during the transition, but flops across her knees all the same.
Together they settle with a bounce of springs.
In the open space, you slide in.
The bed sinks under your weight, a plume of rich cologne tickling your nose; mint-spiced citrus. Cooper. Your stomach swoops, and your heart trips.
“I didn’t see him at breakfast — or lunch!” A pout tugs at her mouth. “Not even dinner. I gotta go home tomorrow. So when am I gonna see him?”
“Oh, bug.” You sigh, propping yourself up on your elbow. “Your dad’s been real busy at work. And I know that’s been hard for you, but I promise to make sure he’s here for breakfast tomorrow.”
“D’you mean it?” Her cold nose digs into your skin. “Me and Roosevelt miss him so much.”
Cuddled into your chest, Janey tosses an arm around your back. Her fuzzy head rests in the crook of your arm, springy curls tickling your skin.
You squeeze her tight and trace your fingertips over her forehead.
“I can do you one better,” you say, bopping the tip of her nose just to hear her giggle - a soft sound that sits warm and gooey in your chest. “I pinkie-promise.”
Her finger loops around yours, so small and fragile.
“I’ll even make pancakes. How’s that sound for a promise?”
“Oh, yes, please! I think Dad will like that,” a wide yawn cuts her off mid-sentence. “He’s sad, but he always smiles when you make food.”
Janey’s words — unexpected as they are sudden — cut so deep it steals the breath from your lungs. You flounder, your heart a throbbing bruise in your chest.
“... Then pancakes it is.”
As if nothing happened at all, she asks, “Do I have to go to bed now?”
“Afraid so, little miss.” Your responding chuckle sounds stilted even to your own ears. “Just you wait. When you wake up, Dad’ll be home.”
“Fi—ine, but I want extra pancakes.” Janey pauses, considers you with narrow eyes, then adds, “With syrup!”
“Whatever you want,” you say with an indulgent smile. “Now... time to sleep. It’s really past your bedtime.”
She gives you one last squeeze then lets you tuck her in nice and tight, blankets pulled up to her chin. You drop a kiss on her forehead while Roosevelt re-settles on the pillow beside her after a quick scratch behind the ears. 
Everything in order, you turn to go only for a little hand to stop you.
“Yes?” you reply, glancing at her from over your shoulder.
“... can you put on one of Dad's movies?”
The tremble in her voice - like she’s about to get scolded - breaks your heart clean down the middle. Stitching on a soft smile, you nod and walk to the darkened TV set in the room's corner.
After fiddling with the nobs, static flashes to life.
“The Man from Deadhorse okay?”
The holotape sliding into the track swallows the sound of her tiny “Yeah.” Starting up with a whirl of machinery, the second-hand Radiation King flickers to life in black-and-white.
A vast plain and bright sky stretches across the screen.
Then Sugarfoot creeps into frame with the one and only Cooper Howard sitting astride the noble steed. The sheriff’s badge on his chest glints in the sun.
“Thank you,” she mumbles, already half-way to sleep.
“Anything for you, baby. Sleep tight.”
Flicking off the lights, you leave the door cracked. Walk away pretending like hearing her whisper goodnight to the TV doesn’t lance through you like lightning.
The desire to whisk her into your arms and soothe all of her ails is almost impossible to ignore.
Somehow, you distract yourself by wiping up the table, then by fixing a plate of dinner for whenever Cooper rolls in. Though all the while, how brokenhearted Janey sounded sits in the back of your mind like a leaden weight.
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When Cooper stumbles into the living room, it’s half past midnight.
You’d gotten up to greet him, curled as you were in an armchair reading, when something about the stern line of his mouth gave you pause.
Where the usual lighthearted greetings lingered, a pensive stillness trembled to life.
Tension crackles through the air; a held breath of agitation. By the faraway gaze and defeated slump of his broad shoulders, it’s plain to see the night didn’t go as intended. And no matter how much you long to soothe, you can’t.
After all, he’s not yours to touch.
Instead, you offer a sympathetic smile and ask, “Rough night, huh?”
Cooper ignores the prompt, squeezing past with a brief touch to your elbow as he makes a beeline for the dry bar. The heat of his body is there and gone in a flash, his cologne teasing your senses. He says, “Thought you’d be asleep by now.”
Your heart flutters in your throat. “Ah,” you lick your lips, “well, I was going to finish my chapter first.”
Humming, he turns his back to you and fiddles with high balls and decanters. The tink of crystal glassware fills the air as he speculates which alcohol goes best with his mood. 
“Thanks again for watching Janey.” He nods in approval and fixes his whiskey neat. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
“Oh, it’s no trouble, Mr. Howard.” You shrug. “She’s a sweetheart.”
He shoots you a dry look from over his shoulder, stirring the dark amber of his drink with a forefinger. When he sucks his skin clean with a soft pop - a flash of a pink tongue taunting, teasing - your stomach swoops.
God, I wonder what else his mouth can do.
Flustered, you clear your throat and stare at a spot on the wall.
“How many times do I gotta tell you to call me Coop?” he says, digging through some drawers until he finds what he’s searching for: a lighter. “It must be a million and one by now.”
Flint sparks as flames jump, eating away at the end of a cigarette. Cooper inhales in short little puffs, pulling on the filter. His cheeks hollow, the shadows enhancing the cut of his jaw before the tip catches alight.
“Well,” he exhales, his gaze catching yours through a plume of smoke as he turns, brow raised. “Anything to say for yourself?”
“Old habits die hard, I guess,” you chuckle.
The corner of his mouth lifts in a lopsided smirk. “I’ll drink to that.” He knocks back the last finger of whiskey before refilling with gin.
Springs groan in protest when he drops to the couch, settling in with an outstretched arm and wide spread thighs.
“It’s been a long fucking day,” he rasps.
Gulping, you try to ignore the space at his feet.
The stirrings of desire provoked by the urge to sink to your knees and fill it with your body, to ease tension from those shoulders with your hands, your mouth, your cunt — if he’d let you.
“You heading home?” Nursing the fresh drink, he swallows a mouthful, only to hiss low through his teeth at the chemical burn. His throat bobs, framed by the open collar of his shirt. “Whew! Goddamn, that’s strong.”
“No, I can stay for a while.” A bird on a wire, you perch on the cushion beside him. “Got nothing else planned for tonight, anyhow.”
Cooper snorts. “I doubt that very much. A sweet young thing like you,” he motions towards you with his glass, “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of fellas calling, especially on a Friday night. Don’t waste your time with me.”
“That’s not why I--” you stop yourself short.
Save for the bustling LA avenue right outside the complex, the apartment itself is stone silent for several heartbeats. Words hover on the back of your tongue, catching in the bend of your throat molasses thick.
Meanwhile, Cooper continues to swirl the alcohol in his glass.
Maybe in a different life, you wouldn’t hesitate to express yourself.
But here — with him — you shouldn’t.
Christ sake, he’s a grieving divorcé, you chastise yourself. The last thing he needs is me trying to lay one on him.
When you speak, his name glides off your lips for the first time, clementine sweet, “... Cooper, I’m not wasting my time. I enjoy spending it with Janey - and you.”
“Well,” he husks, hooded eyes dragging down your visage in a slow once-over, “you’re the first one in a long while to feel that way, sweetheart.”
Dripping like honey whiskey from Cooper’s lips, the simple phrase burns its way down-down-down until it blooms like liquid fire in your belly. Warms you all the way to your toes as your heart pounds against your ribcage.
“I mean it.” Your knuckles twist in the pleats of your sundress, bolts of blue fabric bunched around your knees. “Everything I do is because I want to.”
The flash of red nails plucking at the sheer nylon of your stockings snaps up his attention, his gaze snagging - staying as he chases the curve of your exposed leg, hungry.
He wets his lips, and tenses his jaw when he spots how the soft fat of your thigh dimples in because of your garter. “That’s awful sweet of you to say.”
You tremble beneath the intensity of his attention.
Greedy.
Little kisses of awareness spark bright along the path his eyes carve like the caress of shy fingertips.
However, before you’re able to confront him about his interest, the heat leaches from his expression, grows mute and cold like a muzzled dog. 
Readjusting the waistband of his slacks with a tug, he says, “I know you got better things to do than keep an old man company.”
Irritation sparks. “Cooper--”
“If this is about paying you for tonight,” his lips quirk into a sheepish smile, “I won’t be able to yet.” He scrubs a hand through the stubble peppered along his jaw. “The gig tonight didn’t… Well, it doesn’t matter.”
“No, that’s not what I --”
He plows on, “Anyway, the one I’ve got tomorrow should be enough. How about I stop by around seven o’clock? I’ll treat you to dinner as an apology.”
Frustration bubbles beneath the surface of your skin, antagonism thrumming through your veins. Your hands shake almost as much as your voice. “Cooper!”
“I… uh, yes?” He blinks.
Your brows furrow. “You don’t get it,” you say. “I mean, you truly don’t know?”
“I’m afraid there’s a lot I don’t get. You’re gonna have to be more particular.”
Maybe not said in so many words (or at all) but actions speak far louder.
Otherwise, why else would you spend most of your time in his apartment, fill every spare moment with Janey, and reserve evenings for his company?
Hell, you even cook and clean!
Almost scream your interest from the rooftops, and it’s obvious to everyone but him, it seems.
Here you are thinking he was preserving your dignity whenever he ignored a passing comment or lingering touch when, in fact, he’d been oblivious to their existence to begin with.
How a man can be so obtuse when you’re throwing yourself at him is beyond you.
If he wasn’t so captivating…
“Are you kidding me,” you ask, mindful of your tone, “how could you not know?” You throw your hands in the air. “I’ve been — for months!”
“Well, I don’t have a goddamn clue what you’re talking about, sweetheart,” he snarks, setting his glass on the table. “Care to enlighten me?”
Fine. If that’s how he wants to play, let’s play.
When he moves to take another drag from his cigarette, you strike, fingers locking around his wrist mid-lift. And although his glassy eyes narrow, he keeps his hand still.
Waiting to see what you'll do.
Tucking your knee under you for balance, you bend forward and watch his face from beneath your lashes. When your lips wrap around the filter, a dark hunger bleeds into his expression, his pulse a steady thud against the pad of your thumb.
Inhaling, the cherry lights up, a flashbang in the dim overhead light.
Cooper’s breath hitches, and then you’re pulling away with a lungful of smoke; the taste of ash heavy on your tongue.
He tracks your movements with greed, gaze flicking for the briefest of moments past your chin before refocusing on the ring of red lipstick staining white paper.
“If you wanted one,” he chokes, gripping the back of the couch with white knuckles, “all you had to do was ask.”
With a coquettish grin, you exhale to the side and stare at him with hooded eyes. “Is that so?” Plucking the cigarette out of his limp hold, you stub it out in the ashtray. “What if I wanted to ask for something else, Mr. Howard?”
The next moment finds you deposited in his lap, his hands shooting out to grab at your waist only to freeze before they make contact.
“Woah! I--”
“Tell me something.”
Your lips caress the shell of his ear, sharing breath - sharing space as you plaster yourself to his front, arms looped over his shoulders. He jolts, body trembling with restraint.
“Would you give me what I wanted if I said please?”
The distance between you snaps taut with anticipation. “C-Coop,” he stutters. “Call me Coop.”
You hum. “Well, Coop, would you?”
“That depends almost entirely on what you’re asking for, sweetheart.”
Red nails skate along the back of his neck, play in the downy soft hair of his nape just to feel him shiver. And then you’re leaning back with your hands braced on his knees, your legs falling open in invitation.
The hem of your dress bunches around your waist, exposing the soft cotton of your underwear, and the darkened patch of slick soaking through.
“I think you know exactly what I want,” you purr. “Because you want it too. Don’t you?”
He bites down on a strangled moan when your hips arch forward, rocking the soft plush of your ass against the heavy weight of his thickening cock. The zipper digs into your skin as he tents the front of his slacks.
Mouth dropping open, his tongue flicks out to wet his lips - a slick circle of temptation that makes you clench. “I, uh, I don’t…”
Reaching between your splayed thighs, you hook a finger beneath your panties and pull the fabric aside. He jerks forward, exhaling hard at the flash of your soaked cunt and twitching clit.
“C’mon, be honest.”
With a sigh, you gather your arousal on the tips of your fingers.
Cooper’s gaze is a heavy weight pinning you in place as you pretend it’s him dragging his knuckles over the top of your mond. Him dragging calloused fingers up along sticky folds to play with your sensitive clit, ripping soft little mewls from your lips.
“Can’t you see what you do to me, Coop?” you say, pulling your hand away to show the webs of slick stretching between your fingers. “I’m so wet. Please, I’ve wanted you for so long…”
His hips rock against your ass in an aborted thrust. “Shit - shit!” Eyes slamming shut, he grits his teeth and digs his fingers into your sides hard enough to bruise. “We really, uh, shouldn’t - oh fuck, you look --”
“Why not?” Your hand brushes over his groin. “I can feel how hard you are.”
“It isn’t right, that’s why.” He stutters, stumbles over his words, “Besides, Janey…”
“I can be quiet,” you say, lips trembling. “I promise.”
“Goddamnit, you can’t say things like that and expect me not to --” Cutting himself off, strong fingers seize your chin and tilt until you’re met with Cooper’s severe expression, his scorching gaze. “You need to tell me now: are you sure this is what you want?”
There’s no hesitation, “Yes.”
In what world would you refuse?
The words barely pass your lips before Cooper’s bowing his dark head, mouth ravenous as it captures yours in a slick glide of bruising lips and hungry tongues.
He steals your breath, licks into your mouth and traces along the sensitive inside of your lip.
Pulse jump starting, your toes curl over the edge of the cushion and your thighs squeeze the barrel of his chest, kneecaps digging into his ribs.
“Oh,” a moan punches itself out of your throat - a breathy little thing swallowed up by his lips. “That’s--”
Anticipation swells, simmers between you like a band before it snaps. A strong forearm locks around your waist, tugging you into the cradle of his chest until you’re plastered from stem to stern.
Too hungry for tenderness as his free hand slips up to cup the back of your head, fingers catching in the briar of your hair and tugging at the roots.
You claw at his shoulders while sparks of pain ricochet down your neck, sufficing into a prickly flush that heats your blood. “Hnn, Cooper,” you gasp.
He murmurs your name through languid flicks of his tongue and sharp little nips of skin that leave your mouth tender and swollen. When he pulls away to survey his handiwork, his eyes are dark. Fathomless.
"I never thought I'd get the chance to kiss you like this," he says, wicking his thumb over the pillow of your bottom lip. "You taste as good as I imagined."
Dragging your nails across his scalp, you plead, “No more teasing - I can't take it.”
"Well," he grunts, fingers twisting up in your dress, “If that’s how you feel, then you better put those hips to good use and work for it, sweetheart."
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part 2 dropping soon
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wild-at-mind · 2 months
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I crave validation so strongly. I wish I could help everyone in the world and yet I am unable to help myself.
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itspileofgoodthings · 9 months
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so funny because my emotions are a strength of mine (also their strength in particular is a strength) but they’re also a huuuuge weakness and downside and pitfall as well, and not just because they make me suffer. they also just, like, get in the way of so many good things.
#they’re part of my eloquence/persuasive powers!#such as they are#and people respond to the passion! but I actually think they get in my way more often than not#and just make my points so much less valid and interesting#when I can look back at a thing from the vantage of emotional hindsight and talk about it quickly and simply and analytically#when I’m not actively WRESTLING with something I feel like I do my best work#but idk. maybe that’s just how it feels from the inside and isn’t actually so#nah it is so. at least with negative emotions. I am only off-putting and annoying and disagreeable when I’m speaking on a thing negatively#and even positively sometimes that first flush of emotion that’s carrying me along has to die before I can really speak honestly#like me speaking on Jonathan byers with SOOO much overflowing emotion and warmth and love#akksksjdjejejejejejjejeje#but there was stuff I was missing and wouldn’t look at!!!#it was all conviction and warmth but then I was wrong#TLDR: I think I’m most persuasive when the emotion has passed or at least is not immediately present and I’m speaking about things#more rationally#Because I like to think my rationality is still not cold! It’s very alive but it isn’t so weighed down by emotions#It’s why I need to restrain myself from speaking bitterly (at least publicly) when I’m mad about stuff#i just say all the ugliest and in many ways LEAST true things about whatever I’m talking about#even as I’m reaching for clarity#again. Teaching helps with this.#time mellows the first waves of emotion appropriately. still giving my takes life but not overpowering the vision (hopefully)#but then idk. sometimes I have a take and many very very smart people hate it so much#so it’s just like#shrug emoji#Maybe I AM wrong#I can’t be the judge of my own takes turns out. Not really#but I guess I’m learning to have them anyway#if it’s organic and hits me like a wave of revelation#it’s always those takes people hate the MOST though aksjsjejejeje#again except for my students. because they don’t know to hate them so they just follow where I lead (mostly)
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notti-stellate · 10 months
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Insecure
Jacob Black x Fem!reader
a/n: Writing this definitely healed a part of me.
Warnings: Heavy angst/ fluff at the end, body image issues, insecurities, self deprecating thoughts, ect.
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I stood there in front of my mirror, tears streaming down my face as I turned sideways. I spent too much time staring in the mirror again, all my insecurities slowly revealing themselves the more I tried to hide them. I felt like the ugliest girl in the world, practically burning holes into my stomach from my intense glare. The thoughts plaguing my mind were pure hatred and disgust.
I was glad Edward wasn’t here, his concern when he read my thoughts always made things worse. How could he love someone so disgusting? I thought to myself. I sighed knowing Jacob would practically kill me if he heard me. He hated when I talked badly about myself, always claiming they weren’t true. I could never believe him no matter how hard I tried.
I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor, sobbing, wishing I was someone else. I’m not sure how long I was there before Jacob came in, his original plans of surprising me with a date night going out the window the second he saw me, knowing what happened almost immediately . I was so absorbed in my own self-hatred that I didn’t realize he was there until I felt a warm arm wrap around my shoulders.
I looked up with tears still falling freely down my cheeks, meeting Jacob's own watery ones. Seeing the tears well up in his eyes made a new feeling flood my heart, guilt. 
“I’m sorry” I mumbled out, my voice coming out shaky and small.
“You have nothing to be sorry for” he whispered, pulling my shaking frame into his chest.
There were a few moments of comforting silence as I willed myself to stop crying. 
“Y/n,” his voice broke as he spoke, “I need you to listen to me. You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen. God, I wish you could see yourself from my eyes so you can see just how perfect you are. I’ve loved you for years and no matter what you look like I will always love you just how you are.” 
I felt the corners of my lips tug into a small smile as I listened intently to every word he said. I took his hand as he pulled both of us off the floor and sat me on my bed. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled us both into the comfort of my bed. He laid his body on me with his head resting on my chest and arms wrapped around me, acting as both a weighted and heated blanket.
“I love you, so much” I sighed
“ I love you too, sunshine” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.
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sugar-plum-writer · 3 months
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Let Me Love You
Theme: Comfort Fic [Body insecurity]; One-shot Paring: Gojo x fem!Reader; established relationship; full fluff and comfort A/n: A comfort fic of Gojo comforting you when you are insecure and are going through an episode
"I love you"
[To everyone going through these problems- you are not alone, you are a beautiful person, okay? It is hard when the past habits suddenly come back to haunt you; when you look in the mirror and suddenly you feel like you are the ugliest person on Earth. It is hard, just know- as long as you are healthy nothing else matters. You just be the best version of you <;3]
GOJO
He could not pin it down but something was wrong, it was worrying- the fidgeting- the way you often looked at the mirror discretely, the way you had suddenly reduced the quantity of food you ate.
Even when he gave you something sweet after all he knew you also had a sweet tooth just like him, you declined and ate only a bite.
Instead of your usual clothes, you wore more baggy clothes, not that you did not look hot, you did but- you covering yourself up so much was unusual. After all, it’s just you and him, he has seen all parts of you, what is there to hide?
Hell, he had even secretly taken quite explicit pictures just to keep it for himself
This is why this sudden behavior change was worrying, he did not think much about it at first, but, when he saw you covering your face more often, the pulling of sleeves, and the way you froze, almost embarrassed when he tried to take off your clothes
It was very unusual- and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.
“Y/n what’s the matter?”, forcefully he made you sit in front of him
“What? What do you mean?”, chuckling you smiled, “Nothing is wrong”
“See…you cannot lie to me, I have very good eyes” With a sharp breath looked into your eyes
“When something is wrong…I know it, I feel it”
“Your heart, and mine- it is connected” Gently holding your hand into his, “When something is up, I just know it, even without words I feel it, why?”, he chuckled and smiled
“Because I love you”
He just stared into your eyes, not saying another word
It felt as if he could see behind the facade your eyes wore, people say they can see through the facades of people, the fake masks- but what about the facades of the eyes? Who can see through them? Well, he could, peeling layer after layer and you not even realizing it.
Tears filled your eyes threatening to spill out, why was he like this? Why did he love you? Why love you so much that- he could see the ugly side of you. The broken one. The side you so desperately hid.
“Y/n…”, seeing the tears in your eyes, the quiver of your lips, he pulled you into a warm hug
“Who hurt you?”, he cooed caressing your back, running his fingers up and down your spine
“You know you can tell me anything right?”
“I-I”, the dam holding the tears broke and you just started sobbing
“I don’t like myself…”, burying your face in his chest “I feel so ugly, everything about me is so ugly” you cried
“I am a monster”
“Sweetheart…you are beautiful”, cupping your face- his thumbs gently wiped your tears
“The most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on”
“Who called you ugly? I want to talk”, his voice steeled his grasp tightened
“No-No one did, though high school…I just, it’s not the first time...”
“First time? You have…felt this before? And what about high-school?”
“Yeah” face stained with tears you broke down even more as past, memories flooded your brain
“Like an episode, out of nowhere it hits me like a train-“
“And I just…I cannot even smile without feeling how ugly my smile is…”, more tears streamed down- lord knows how many nights- hell days you have cried like this
“I am so ugly, my face is not pretty, and my body is not perfect...”
Quietly he just held you tight, hearing all the words that you kept pouring out from the depths of your heart and soul, the number of times you had called yourself, “ugly”, and “not pretty”, it made his heart tighten- squeezing it so tight- it overwhelmed him.
“Y/n…look at me” Lifting your sobbing face- and caressing your cheeks he made you look into his eyes
“I love you” his lips kissed your eyes, “You are beautiful”, his lips kissed your forehead, his warm breath near your neck as he kept kissing you- every inch of your body
“I love you so much”
“I adore you, your skin, heart, eyes, - everything”, his hands moved under your shirt caressing your breasts, tugging your panties
“I love all of you, darling- I will love you so much”, grasping your fingers he kissed them- delicately as if it’s a treasure- his treasure
“Satoru…”, feeling even more teary you looked at him
“I will love you so much- I will make you forget everything- all the hauntings in your heart and mind, I will love them all away. Just let me love you."
Link to Masterlist!
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hxxsxxng · 13 days
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SUNOO 김순우 - INNOCENT ATTRACTION
Word Count 1.0k
Genre : Fluff
Content : brothersbestfriend!sunoo, any gender reader, cuddling, sleeping in same bed… other fluffy stuff lol
Synopsis : Sunoo is your brothers best friend and can’t help but to feel attracted to him.
Authors Note : This is my first sunoo post… p.s. let me know if y’all want me to make a smutty part 2 :)
SUPPORT BY REBLOGGING if you want
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Sunoo was constantly at my house. Every day when I got out of class, my brother Jungwon would have Sunoo over. It felt like he practically lived there. But there was something that Jungwon didn’t know. Sunoo confessed his feelings to me long ago.
His confession caught me by suprise given that we never really interacted with eachother besides when he’s at my house, but I will admit that there were many times where I caught him looking at me for longer than he should have been. I can also admit that Sunoo isn’t the ugliest person in the world. The prettiest people are the ones you look at when they don’t notice it. And that is exactly how it went for a few months. I always ignored him because I thought that maybe he just had a weird thing about me and Jungwon is just making up stories to cover up. But as the time passed, Sunoo became more and more bold in his actions.
He started leaving flowers on my desk or bringing me snacks and chocolates. He even tried kissing my cheek once. I knew he liked me so I pretended that I didn’t feel anything at all. That way I wouldn’t be able to tell him to stop coming over or make an excuse that he could come back anytime he wants. I wouldn’t say I have a crush on him, but I definitely liked the attention he was giving me, and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him to stop.
I still haven’t told Jungwon that Sunoo likes me since the whole situation is still new to me. I want to talk to him, but I have no idea what to say to him or what he will do if I tell him. I think it will be best for me to keep this between us for now and just see how things go from here.
Jungwon was an early bird and Sunoo was a night owl. Everytime Sunoo spent the night in Jungwons room, he would stay up a lot later than him and there would be many times I would get midnight texts from him.
Sunoo:
Hey are you up?
(Y/N):
yeah what is it this time
Sunoo:
Heyyyy don’t be like that :(
Would you like someone to accompany you?
(Y/N):
i am really trying to sleep but if his snoring is that loud then i can make a bed of the floor for you in my room.
Sunoo:
Okay I will be there in a sec
Sunoo slowly creeps out of Jungwons room, making sure to turn the door knob quietly and to not make a sound. Few seconds later I hear a tap at my door.
“That was quick, I havnt even made your bed yet” I said opening the door.
“That’s fine, I can wait”
He makes way into my room and plops down onto my bed. I reach into my closet to grab some blankets to lay on the floor and I notice Sunoo crawling under my covers, getting a little too comfortable.
“You aren’t sleeping there” I snap
All I hear is a groan.
I continue laying out the blankets and crawl into my bed. “Your bed is ready” his eyes are half closed. I roll my eyes and thump his forehead.
“Pleaseee can I stay here? I am already comfortable and warm, and floor is cold and hard” he begs.
“Fine but stay on your side”
He smiles and quickly falls into sleep.
———————————————
About an our or two into the night, I guess I back up a little too far, to where my back is in Sunoo chest. He doesn’t have a negative reaction. Instead he snakes his around under my shirt around my stomach and rests his hand on my tummy. I am not compelled to move it, actually I didn’t mind it at all supprisingly.
My eyes start to fall closed and the feeling of falling asleep slowly becomes stronger. Sunoo seems to be taking a liking to this position so I let myself relax into it. When I feel Sunoo’s warm breath against the nape of my neck it sent shivers down my spine.
“Have I ever told you how good you smell?” he whispers into my ear.
I shake my head and pull away from him, trying to sit up. Before I can Sunoo pulls me back toward him. This causes a small smile to tug at the corner of my lips. “No, I don’t want you to go” he says tiredly. He runs his finger through my hair softly and gently, it is very relaxing to have someone pamper me like this. Someone who genuinely cared for me.
His body is so large and warm, I couldn’t deny that I actually liked cuddling with him. Maybe I do feel something for him. Maybe I have been denying my feeling in fear of ruining my relationship with Jungwon. Maybe it wasn’t just an infatuation. I sigh and rest my head back down. He continues stroking through my hair and he rubs my sides slowly and softly. I feel myself drifting off again. Eventually, we both fell asleep.
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starluvsx · 7 months
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★𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬
𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
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Word count:1015
Proofread:yup
WARNINGS: insecure reader,kissing,kinda angst and fluff
A/N: this took embarrassingly long to finish😭
𖦹 𖦹
"Okay so the next question is 'who was your first kiss' and what's the story behind it" Nick shouted over Chris and Matt trying to explain why fairies are and aren't real to each other.Everyone in the car immediately had their own separate reaction to this question.
Nick was smiling ear to ear, most likely because of the embarrassment that came with answering the question.matts head was down with a cringed face.me and Chris both looked at each other knowingly before my cheeks flushed and he looked away.
Once everyone had their stories in their heads we looked around for who should go first. "y/n i think you should go first" chris said with a cocky smile.
5 years ago
"ok so what do you wanna watch?" chris said as he sat down next to me on the bed.a good amount of distance between us for friends so it's too bad i wanted to be more than that.i played the lack of romance off by just ignoring it,refusing to look over at his side profile while he flicked through an assortment of movies.
"no clue, what are my options?" I asked while staring at the tv.
“Uhm maze runner ‘Nah’ nightmare before Christmas ‘ehh’ hairspray ‘YES OMG YES’ ”was how the interaction went before he clicked on the movie I wanted.
𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞
While watching the movie we had gradually moved closer together.not on top of each other but definitely closer than before.now I was slouched down slightly with our shoulders touching, nothing crazy i know but I’ll take what I can get.
Once we got about an hour into the movie I began to zone out.letting myself to wander in my own thoughts.watching the romance movie only made these thoughts worse. “Jesus” I muttered under my breath.
“What, what’s wrong?”he asked, looking down at me.
“It’s nothing, just movies like this always make me sad.” I replied truthfully.I knew what I was about to say but I was ok with it.he was one of the few people I didn’t mind sharing these thoughts with.
“Why?” He asked with a puzzled look on his face.just one word for him but years of insecurities,self hatred and yearn for love for me.
“Cause I know I’ll never have anything like that, nobody will ever love me like that, ya know”I answered hesitantly while still staring at the tv.I had now sat up a little from the previous position I was in.being at the same level as him made me nervous especially since the topic of conversation but I had to,my back was killing me.
“Why do you think that?”Chris said with a slight laugh,as if he couldn’t believe I thought like that.now although the thought he was shook I found myself unloveable was comforting,I knew he was only being nice.
I looked at him for a second before saying what I had been thinking my whole life. “Dude I’m like the ugliest girl at school.” I answered honestly. “I mean it’s whatever, I know everyone thinks that.”I continued with a shrug at the end of my sentence.it felt weird talking about this but also for some reason, reliving.
The look he gave me after I said that wasn’t one I could describe or replicate.he looked shocked and confused at the same time almost. “I don’t think that…”he mumbled.if I hadn’t tuned out the movie long ago I wouldn’t have even heard him to be honest
“What” was all I could say.had i misheard him?I must've, right?
"I don't think you're the ugliest girl in the school, you're...you're beautiful ''he said, making me feel like I was in a scene from a movie.although i wanted to keep up my nonchalant act of not caring about what others thought,i simply couldn't.
i was shocked he had said this.my lips were slightly parted due to me knowing i wanted to say something but not really knowing what to say.i mean how does one respond to that.his eyes flicked down to my lips before the one thing i never thought would happen, happened
Before I could realize what he was about to do, the boy in front of me who I had been crushing on for like forever grabbed my jaw and connected our lips passionately.I was shocked at first but slowly melted into the kiss I had been longing to have for most of my life.
our mouths moved in sync while both of our eyes were closed.it felt like we were the only two people on the planet.once we pulled away i took a moment to look at the boy in front of me.his disheveled hair,piercing blue eyes, pinkish lips, he was perfect.i then said words i don't think i will ever forget saying. "i-i think your beautiful too"
my face heated up as i finished the story. "You guys are too cute, it makes me wanna throw up."Nick said jokingly. Normally I would respond with something snarky but if I opened my mouth i think I would burst out laughing out of embarrassment and nervousness.chris's head was just down, most likely with the same expression as me.
"We were so corny" he said, laughing as he picked his head up.although i thought the moment was really cute,it was pretty cringe when i think back on it.
"We were like 15,"I said in my own defense.
"yea and you wouldn't even get with me till like 2 years later!" my boyfriend responded.
"ok ok next story"i started with a huge smile on my face still.
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babyspacekwid · 6 months
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Astrology Observations and Advice ✨ (TW talks of ED)
From a non professional astrologer who has no idea wtf she’s posting half the time 💕
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Chiron 4th house in Capricorn, Your dad may be very hard on you, like a perfectionist dad. Could have also been abusive. Could be the type to comment on your shortcomings. Remember that you are enough as it is, don’t be so hard on yourself, treat yourself as you would a friend. With compassion and kindness. Its okay to make mistakes in life. It’s common to have daddy issues with this placement, so try not to let that affect your love life, this is a personal placement of mine😜 rlly into toxic men, but they ain’t good for me, so let us be aware of that. Don’t take life too seriously, do the serious shit without being too serious about it. Idk if that makes sense but for example, let’s say u got a math test, do the math test seriously, like study and shit but don’t let the stress of it consume you because it rlly ain’t that serious.
Aries moon, especially men y’all’s temper is unregulated af. Ive seen y’all snap at stuff that energy shouldn’t be wasted on, y’all are one of the most emotionally reactive signs I have ever met. Like a ticking time bomb. This moon sign might have experienced a mother figure that was harsh and emotionally neglectful. Very hard on you, wasn’t that nurturing when raising you. The type of mom to tell you to get up and wipe the dust off when you fall and scrape your knee as a kid. y’all gotta delve into those emotions in a healthier manner. Therapy and journaling could be very beneficial. Go to one of those rage rooms where ppl break shit, I feel like y’all would go all out. There’s definitely some pent up anger. This goes for Scorpio moons too, y’all is more internal though, got some deep dark thoughts and intense internal feelings that could easily overwhelm which is why downtime is needed.
Speaking of some Scorpio moons I have met, don’t let your trust issues fuck things up. This a hard placement, y’all feel things so deeply, but just cause one person backstabbed you don’t mean everyone will. Open up to people, trial and error and you’ll find that person. Obviously set boundaries and don’t just trauma dump on everyone you meet, but don’t build an invisible wall as soon as you meet someone. Not everyone is out to get you.
(TW) Taurus risings I’ve met have dealt with some type of eating disorder. Could have had family members or people comment on their weight as a child or just got rlly influenced by the negative parts of social media. Every taurus rising I’ve met has dealt with body issues, y’all are actually so beautiful though, and I’m sorry you don’t hear it often,no matter the size. You guys are also so photogenic, like maybe I’m just the type of person that sees human beings as cute in general but istg y’all could be making the ugliest of faces and I’d still think it’s charming 😭 my best advice would be to stop comparing yourselves, and to learn unconditional love towards your body at every stage it’s at. We’re gonna be 60 and wrinkly anyways, might as well enjoy what it can do for you now!
I have this friend who’s a Capricorn sun and moon, and as a Gemini sun and moon myself I feel so similar to her in like every aspect. Idk if it’s because we’re both born on a new moon, but anyways, this girl needs to learn to open up😭 like hun I wanna be your shoulder to cry on, don’t get me wrong she will vent, and spill the tea, but when the waterworks come out she’d rather isolate. I’m just like naurrrrrr, come back. I might not be comfortable with tears and shit but il awkwardly pat your back and listen to you. Either way y’all don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, you aren’t a burden and you can’t deal with it yourself. Stop trynna convince yourself that you can. Humans are social creatures and our primal instinct is to receive and give love. M
ANYWHOOOO y’all I rlly ain’t that knowledgeable about this shit, I’m rlly going off my friend’s placements (and mine). I am studying astrology tho so maybe one day 🤠 but I got the memory of a goldfish so it might take a while, I appreciate everyone who’s been liking my posts though THANK YOU💕💕💕💕
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slickfordain · 3 months
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Valentine’s Day🍓🎀
Gojoxreader, Dainsleifxreader
I did say in my rules I was uncomfortable sharing my F/O which Dainsleif is part of it, but it’s for myself and my bestie and it’s Valentine’s Day… So after this, I won’t write Dainsleif for anyone but myself.🎀
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♡ Gojo would in no doubt be the goofiest motherfucker you’ve ever been on a date with, but you love it so much💕
♡ Silliest bitch, he would love to put stickers on your face when it’s Valentine’s Day. Usually goes by putting random heart stickers, and maybe some glitter to make your face glow up.
♡ Man doesn’t even care nor does he show shame, he will use Nanami as a wallet, to afford the richest restaurant in the world. (He’s literally rich but man’s doesn’t wanna waste it for some reason)
♡ He’s trying his best,, ૮꒰◞ ⸝⸝ ◟꒱ა Because he’s scared he won’t be able to see you tomorrow evening when his work starts again, and having to go on missions.
♡ When treating you to the restaurant, you either rant about your family— or you rant about how you just feel like you’re a burden to all your friends, and Gojo would listen because… Well, he does somewhat relate to you. After all, losing friends and having issues with family was something he saw in himself.
♡ Later on would just take you back home after giving you a small cute date outside<3 because you don’t like being outside too much so Gojo takes you back home
♡ Either makes you laugh your ass off, or tease you to no ends when he wears your skirt. (It’s hurting his waist BUT HE WANTS YOUR CUTE LAUGH AND SMILE:(((( give him it) Your skirts may be tiny!! But HE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH T’ILL YOUR RIBS HURT!!
♡ Takes the ugliest picture of you later and you whine and complain, only for him to keep it because now it’s his favorite. Silly you, Gojo doesn’t SEE the ugly in you, there’s only ✨beauty✨
♡ When cuddling, I can honestly see Gojo accidentally pushing you off 😭 like, off the bed. When he does, man’s will PANIC and apologize when you puff your cheeks and give him the silent treatment— please talk to him he doesn’t wanna live without you-
♡ Beware, he’s like a cat, so if you keep continuing your silent treatment he WILL lick your damn cheek or kiss your neck so sweetly. Mans wants your attention, GIVE HIM ATTENTION!! … Please??? ૮꒰ ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ྀི꒱ა
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♡ Man’s is loyal AF, he texts you each 10 seconds when it’s Valentine’s Day…. Or 1 second. Doesn’t matter, it’s Valentine’s Day and Dainsleif knows how much it means to you.
♡ Kisses you so sweetly and lovingly, man takes his time and does whatever is comfortable with you. You wanna go out to see the damn fishies in the fucking aquarium? Dainsleif rn: 💳💳💳💳💳💥💥💥💥💥
♡ You two would gaze at Jellyfishes together<3 because it’s peaceful and calm in the aquarium, which fits perfectly for you both since you two are introverts, and quiet. You two don’t really have to talk much, and only text each other because it’s comfortable that way than using your mouth.
♡ If Dainsleif sees a cute fishy-styled outfit that fits your aesthetic, mans buys it because hhhhhhhhhhh ໒꒰ྀི ∩ ⸝⸝ ∩ ꒱ྀིა HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH😞😞😞 You’re so cute when you get excited and all that shit.
♡ If you get anxiety and anxious because there’s too many people who later on goes to the question, Dainsleif takes you home immediately— because why would he let you suffer in the crowd? Mans is suffering with you man, you anxious = he is anxious too.
♡ I don’t know why but, the thoughts of you painting Dainsleif’s nails dark blue while he paints yours your favorite color— to match and then listen to slowed songs💕 It’s just a comforting night with just you two
♡ It’s raining, storming maybe, you both are cozy in bed together with blankets and pillows— this is the fucking life. You are living to the fullest with yourself, and you love it because Dainsleif will decorate with you too. He’s so loyal…. He just wants you happy.
♡ You two ended up doing coquette aesthetic decorating in your house, matching it with Dainsleif’s blue-ish aesthetics, baby blue in fact.<3
♡ Eating strawberries together and then watch Ghibli movies the whole day!! Maybe even you spamming him reels of cute cat videos where it’s either about the partner love situation, or just “me n u”. He loves it all. Because it shows you love him.
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ixiot-ghostrebel · 1 year
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𝐀𝐧 𝐔𝐧𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞.
Alright, here's the oneshot I promised! Sorry if it isn't up to your standards- my motivation was running low on this series. This might be the "Grand finale" to end it all- I don't think I'll be able to provide another part after this. I'm sorry, everyone.
Key Information: This will be in Reader's POV. The Reader has made it to the Abyss, and found out more information about themselves. They almost know who they are, but something is missing. Something big, something major.
Before they could discover what it was, though, they were captured by the Imposter's puppets after they had left the abyss, with no chance of escaping. They are being escorted to the Palace under the (literal) watch of the Imposter themself, through the character's eyes.
And the Reader sees just how much of a tyrant and evil doer this imposter of theirs truly is. And what seems to be the aftermath of Nahida and Venti's punishment.
Click Me For Part 1!
Click Me For Part 2!
Warnings: Bad Grammar, Spelling Mistakes, Not Beta Read, OOC Characters, Violence, Rushed Plot & Mind Control/Mind Manipulation.
Read if you are okay with these terms. Please also let me know if I missed a warning!
I was so close. So close, yet so far.
I remember so much, yet it seems it meant nothing. It probably would mean nothing now, now that I'm caught and everything.
Just great. I'm probably going to be tortured and killed painfully. My mind is probably going to break under that imposter's will or something.
Now that I think about it, is Nahida and Venti alright? They were the two that helped me not get caught during the earlier days. I hope they're alright—but judging how this imposter is, I doubt they are.
Even more "great," I suppose. I am not ready to see how they are.
That son of a...nevermind, actually. I need to think of a plan to escape. I have all of the elements of Teyvat: Abyss, Anemo, Geo, Dendro, Hydro, Cryo, Pyro, and Electro. Mostly undetected.
Yes, surprisingly, I had managed to enter into Inazuma even though it's probably in some sort of lock down with me running loose around Teyvat. But I still got to the statue and that's all I care about.
I nearly jump when I hear the sounds of gates opening. Crap. We were here. I am literally here...at the Imposter's Palace.
Holy crap, doomsday has suddenly started to feel more deadly with each passing breath I took. It felt suffocating with each step that it took to be brought near that Palace's front doors.
Holy crap, I really might just get die today. Holy crap...
I could barely focus on anything else going outside of my moveable prison, as I try to put together my scattered thoughts to form some sort of escape plan.
Perhaps I could create an illusion of myself and quickly leave? Or maybe I can manipulate time and find a way to break through this ridiculously elemental-proof cage. Maybe I can create some form of structure to get myself out of the situation. Or maybe I can use my hydro and pyro abilities together to make a clone of myself and trick them!
I couldn't think of anything more, because, before I knew it, I was pulled out of my thoughts. I was dumped out onto the grime floor of the place I dreaded to be for all my time here in Teyvat. I catch myself, my hands stabilizing my fall under me as my knees bang on the floor.
Gosh...I'm really here. In the most ugliest palace I've ever seen, even with the colors going well with each other.
Because of that one person sitting on that damn throne as I look up. My Imposter. The one that caused everything from the beginning.
"My, my, what do we have here..." They chuckle, their eyes gleaming with malicious intent as their sinister smirk turns into a monstrous grin. "My Imposter, finally caught before me, after a good 8 months of searching. Well done, People of Mondstadt and Sumeru. You certainly don't disappoint." The Imposter's voice was off, but it was clear that they were just simply talking through the other people's voices, their voice being the more dominant one.
And besides, I doubt the People of Mondstadt and Sumeru would've been praised like that if Venti and Nahida hadn't been punished. Whatever the Imposter did to them, it must've also affected their nations as well. And they were going to pay for that.
This world didn't see any blessings, it only gained more curses. Not even the world they stood upon knew that. Not the people, not the world...nobody knew they were in a endless scam.
Not wasting any time, I direct my glare at the Imposter. I don't care if they're going to be all mock-y about it—this is the least they deserved.
If only I could remember...that last missing piece of myself...
"Getting upset already?" The Imposter chuckles. "Such a shame. We haven't even begun your punishment. Not even a second in, and you already think you're better than me, huh?" Their grin widens.
"Such a shame. I guess I'll put use to the Anemo and Dendro Archon to punish you...as a 'Round One,' of course." My eyes widen in shock. Their eyes gleam with amusement.
The audacity of this....this below-grime idiot!
I didn't even get a word in as I see two familiar figures walk my way. I don't need the Imposter to talk to know that they were under the control of the Imposter themselves. It was all too obvious by the way they walk.
It was all too obvious by that grin that doesn't suit them a single bit.
But what shocked me the most was how many bleeding scars they have. Like Xiao in the Perilous Archon Quest, Venti and Nahida bled in the colors of their elements they were dominant in. And it seems like these scars were never meant to heal—the blood was seeping onto the clothes they wore, which were slightly tattered.
It looked like they were victims that had just came out of a war zone. Holy cow.
"What the hell..." I mutter under my breath. I glare back up to the Imposter. "What the hell did you do?!"
"Hm? Oh, you're wondering about their scars?" Their smirk turns more dangerous, more forced. "I made certain...adjustments to their behaviors. After all...to help you certainly meant I had to step in."
"They're traitors!" someone said, and I feel my blood boil. "They should be blessed that the All-Seeing Creator has given them mercy—to be forever blessed under the Creator's presence and guidance!"
"No!" I exclaim. I can't help it—I couldn't take it anymore. "This—this isn't a blessing!" I gesture towards the controlled archons, who were still slowly approaching. "This is the opposite of benevolent! This is the work of a tyrant!"
"You no nothing about the Creator!" someone else exclaims in the throne room. "You dare to spread lies with your face, flinging dirt on their ever graceful image—and now you dare to question their judgement? The audacity!"
The Imposter chuckles. "See? Your efforts are futile." They smile down at me, as if they won. As if they had everything they could ever have, once I'm dead. "Now get them!" They point a finger at me, and that was all the warning I get before Venti shot an arrow towards me.
I use my anemo abilities to fling it elsewhere just in time, but Nahida was already sending dendro towards me without warning. They push me back, as I try my best to use geo to form some sort of shield.
Well crap. I guess I have no choice but to hurt them. With a heavy heart, I summoned the all the power of Anemo, stopping time so that I could knock them out.
When I let time continue, the crowd that was in the Throne Room gasped. The Imposter glared down at me with suspicion...and a hint of jealousy. Hah, loser.
"Hm. Pathetic," they mutter under their breath. "I suppose I'll just finish you myself...with a special little weapon of mine." They summon a black gadget in their hands. Turning it one with a button on the side, it glows. The Imposter smirks as they look down at my shocked expression.
No. Absolute freaking. Way.
How the HELL did they get my freaking phone?!
"How did you—" I interrupt myself, fuming. "You took my phone!" The Imposter laughs.
"Really?" They said, amused. Their eyebrows were quirked up, mockingly. "More like you were the one who doesn't know how to keep their hands to themselves. You stole what was rightfully mine, and I just got it back."
"And I'm going to make sure you regret ever trying to tarnish my reputation—my work."
— — —
The battle was longer than anyone had anticipated, but alas. The "Creator" won, standing over a beaten "imposter." Everyone was cheering. Cheering for a fricking tyrant.
Cheering for the fact that I was about to be killed. Tch, fine then. If I die, I hope they all suffer for their audacity. If I die, I hope this "Creator" dies of a panic attack trying to fix their world. If I die, I hope they realize how big of a mistake they made, taking the position that which doesn't—never—belonged to them.
If I die, I hope this world burns in hell.
"Creator..." Hm? Who said that? Probably someone from the crowd—who else would it be? My imagination? How cliché, even for this manipulated world—
"Creator...get up..." The same voice speaks, and this time, I can hear it better. It's echo-y. It's calm, yet angry. It's blank, but filled with emotion. I look up, and I see a spirit made of light.
But the most fascinating part? The spirit looked like me. The Spirit looks like it came out of my phone.
It smiles down at me. "You see me," it muses. "Good. Come on, get back up."
"I...I can't." My meek voice comes out. It gets covered by all the cheering and all the praises for the Imposter, who stands atop of me, smugly.
"Yes, you can."
"I can't."
"This world needs you."
"This world already betrayed me."
"And are you willing to give up so easily? Knowing that you'd let your..." The spirit looks at the Imposter, who was blissfully unaware of its presence, with distaste. "...your false image of you ruin your creation?"
"I don't even know who I am," I insisted, making sure my voice was but a mere whisper. I don't want the Imposter to notice me. "How can I fight for a world I barely know?"
"You do know it," the spirit muses. "Just from a different perspective. You know it because you became a 'player' of this world. You see it with fresh eyes, but with a body so ancient it knows everything like the back of your hand."
"Why...why do you mention all of this?" I question. "How will this be relevant to the fact that I can't even protect a world I came to cherish—to love with 'new eyes'?" The spirit smiles.
"You want to know where your last piece is," it says. "Yet, you have been staring at it for the past moment." It reaches its hand out towards me. "Tell me, what do you see in me, that makes me special—makes me divine?"
"You aura..." I mutter, too in trance to realize I spoke louder than I intended. The Imposter looks down at me, evil triumph heavy in their eyes.
"Finally tasting my power, huh?" They say, smirking, but I could care less. My eyes were still staring at the spirit. It's still staring at me, smiling at me with a brightness so radiant it could rival the gentle days that were peppered by the sun's golden rays. It sounded so poetic, but I could care less.
"Metaphorically, I am but a mere illusion of the sun—the moon," it says. "But only until the sun has found themself, can the world recognize their true star." They give me their hand.
"If you wish to continue to fight, let us be one, and let the world sing you songs for all civilizations to recognize." I stare at the spirit, awe-struck.
There was no way that my power—the final piece, was being handed over to me on a silver platter. There's no way.
Yet, the very existence of this spirit was proof enough. It was...almost too cliché for me to believe, but it was the truth. Holy cow, I really am the Main Character.
With a quick motion, I place my hand on top of theirs. "I will let the world hear me, once and for all," I say, my voice firm and loud. The Imposter sneers down at me, distaste evident in their features.
"What are you on about this time, you slimy little—" They never got to finish their sentence, for I felt the spirit finally intertwine with me.
All the memories I've collected in this long, hard journey come flashing through my mind, as the power that felt oh-so familiar runs through my veins yet again.
"Happy Birthday, Mx. Y/N!" I hear the voice of a young child.
"Thank you, for lending us the knowledge to repel those awful demons, All-Seer," the voice of an elder Priest spoke.
"Please, Mx.! You mustn't overexert yourself for this!" a proud, yet nervous soldier, warning me as I stood firm against the dangers of the time the world first fell into disaster. "Please—let me take you to safety!"
I owe all those people I knew back then their mercy. Mercy for their descendants. And once I'm done with this stupid Imposter, I'll rebuild this world from dust and up if I have to.
The last thing anyone saw, was my form turning into a supernova. I hear the world singing, recognizing me. I hear it hum as it starts to tear and crumble the palace of the Imposter.
With a quick wave of my hand, I let the light of the supernova fade, but trapped the Imposter in a cage. I let all control they had over everyone disappear.
My intense, sharp gaze is what everyone sees, as my form is now cleaner, more graceful. The Imposter cowards, paling as they realize how much of the real deal I am. Haha, the sweet taste of revenge. Of Karma. This is what I longed for, and it's finally at my grasp.
"Since you love playing the 'Creator,'" I mock, sneering down at the Imposter's petite figure. "Why don't we place your little skills to the test, hm?"
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒏𝒅.
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Ghost Rebel Side Notes: FINALLY, PART 3 IS OUT! I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING 30 YEARS ON THIS OMG—Y'ALL PROBABLY FORGOT THIS EXISTED DIDN'T YOU 💀💀💀 MY BAD I AM SO SORRY.
Also! It is entirely up to you of what punishment the Imposter gets! Tell me what you think best suits them :) Perhaps I might write a sequel? 👀 No promises on that, but something I can promise on is that Venti and Nahida are now forever being pampered with affection and gifts! <3
✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦
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littlerosette · 2 months
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Going through 2010s fan fiction is a minefield because half the time I’ll see authors notes where it’s very “ yeah I’m here for Peeta being an angel and Katniss is terrible”. And I’m here like you can’t write their dynamic correctly if you don’t see that Peeta is a little shit and that Katniss literally worships him in her mind and from when she realized he didn’t want to kill her to the hijacking, she was really nice to him and enjoyed being friends with him. She’s just stupid about emotions
My fun fact from rereading the books is that by counting length of time Peeta is the one who acts more moody towards her than she does to him. She’ll get snippy once in a while but he’s the one who initiates being cold and not talking to each other after the games and also the one who goes full Career after the Quell.
people are wayyyyyyy meaner to katniss than they rightly should be because of their sympathy for peeta. for one, i find that the outrage has to be based— in some part— to some level of misogyny because we expect women to treat men better than they treat women, and when they don’t, they’re crucified. think of how people treat skyler white or carmela soprano in comparison to their literal murdering, drug dealing, sociopathic husbands. a woman’s worse crime is to be uncomfortably human, with all of its implied anger and frustrations.
katniss is an uncomfortably human character. she’s moody and fiery and nasty and occasionally selfish. she’s also capable of great kindness and compassion. there were several points when i was reading where i wanted to be mad at her (like when peeta got hijacked) before i reminded myself that. yeah. what peeta is going through sucks. he also just strangled her so maybe she’s entitled to her anger😭 i feel like a lot of our perception of her is tied up in her self-loathing. it’s easier to see katniss as the “meaner” one because she sees herself as the “mean” one. mind you, this was a girl who took time out of her day to teach bonnie and twill how to hunt and gave them all her food because she was worried they wouldn’t survive. katniss is a wonderful person.
i wouldn’t say that peeta is moodier than her. i think peeta was entitled to his frustration after the first games to a certain extent. keep in mind he’s a teenage boy, so it’s inevitable that he’s gonna act like a sadsack after learning katniss’s feelings for him aren’t as clear cut as he wants them to be. but i do think he’s emotionally perceptive enough to have picked up that she was falling for him in the games, which is why he’s so shocked to learn that it was an act. katniss, though, is too emotionally stunted to realize that she was falling for him too which is why everything goes to shit between them for a while. to be fair to peeta, he was the first one to apologize and seek to repair the friendship. he was able to understand that he put an unfair burden on her when she was just trying to keep them both alive.
don’t take this to mean that i think he’s perfect!! peeta is a people-pleaser to the extreme, so i think a Lot of his easy going nature in the first two books has to do with that. peeta in mj (though hijacked) is probably him with his worst flaws bared. he’s violent and insecure and jealous and mean, and for once, he and katniss can see each other more honestly. he obviously would have never hurt her if he wasn’t hijacked, but i do think everything we see of him (minus the attempted killing of katniss) was him, just his ugliest bits.
all in all, people are too mean to katniss. people are too dismissive of peeta’s issues. and they are perfect for each other.
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httpstes · 2 years
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✧.* Placements that I find attractive Pt.2 ✧.
Link to Part 1 :D
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Taurus venus 🫶
These people are so elegant and gorgeous in the way they appear.
Literally the way they walk, talk (ESP TALK), dress and carry themselves, bruh they could be js sitting still and even sumn ab that makes them hot 😭
On a physical level these guys are hot asf okay, venus ruled sign in the planet of venus…they are bound to be blessed by aphrodite herself. However these peoples energy is what extends their attractiveness.
Unlike a libra venus, taurus venus has a silent beauty. Depending on other placements, these people may not talk much but they thrive in the silent atmosphere. Just pure calmness and serendipity is how I would describe these beings.
However when they do talk, OMG, taurus venusians have such beautiful voices, it’s always so royal sounding ifykwim. Their words just flow so smoothly and they always manage to calm me down with even the smallest of words due to how relaxing their voices are ❤️
But i mean it makes sense since Taurus rules the throat so 🤨.
Taurus venusians also know how to make anything look stunning, and this is something I admire ab them.
They make their rooms so cozy and aesthetically pleasing i js wanna live there bro. They also are so cute when getting ready or doing their makeup. They can put together even the UGLIEST of clothes and somehow pull it off and make it look amazing. Same with makeup or any beauty related thing, they could rush their makeup or have not a lot on and they still look so put together and attractive.
All in all, I love Taurus venus's sfm, y’all keep me going in life i swear, virtual hugs to all of you 🫶🫶
Virgo mercury/moon/mars, Virgo/6th house stellium
You guys, similar to Taurus also js look elegant and attractive 😭
Virgo placements literally look like fairies esp if u habe virgo asc or chart ruler in the 6th house, you either look cute and adorable or js rlly seductive and graceful.
Virgo placements and ESP 6th house stelliums (or if you have inner planets in that house) have such a strong work ethic. It’s so goddam attractive how y’all persist through things and don’t give in to urges so quick.
Self-restraint and discipline 🙌
Lots of people ik who have virgo placements or 6th placements also take rlly good care of their physical and mental health, bitches be journaling in the morning then meditating, having some good as smoothie then go to the gym to work out. i want that for myself.
Virgo placements give amazing advice and truly listen to you. They make you feel heard and appreciated , it’s literally one of the many things they’re good at.
6th house placements are the exact same. amazing hosts and very hospitable, i’d purposely break my own bones js to have these people care for me.
y’all are so pretty and fine to be stressing, don’t be so hard on yourselves 🙁
Cancer rising
Man. I love cancer risings with my whole heart istg.
Cancer risings in general make people feel so loved and cared for, and as a taurus rising those qualities that they manage to naturally radiate make me want to be around them 24/7.
Now onto physical appearance, cancer risings are just very attractive. Every single one I’ve met just.. are ?!?
Half of the cancer risings I’ve met look very cute and just so pretty, literally a moon goddess. They have very soft features and look so delicate and graceful.
The other half of cancer risings i’ve met, again still have this soft, delicate vibe about them but it’s more seductive.
The first bunch are basically a goddesses personified but the other half are real life sirens.
All in all, they all are very very charming no matter the other placements they have.
cancer risings can come off as mysterious and alluring, this adds to their attractiveness.
Cancer risings also wear their hearts on their sleeves so it’s very easy to tell what they’re feeling at any given moment. This to me is very endearing and cute.
Their expressions and reactions can give away feelings that they were trying to hide and thus it can frustrate them at times.
However at the same time it can easily convey a message to others without the use of words. This adds to their charm as they can understand body language and feelings pretty well.
Id definitely say these individuals most likely have high emotional intelligence. And if there’s anything i find attractive in a person, it’s intelligence 😭
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sorry for not posting as much, i’ve been struggling to find some inspiration to write on here.
I tend to get bored of the repetitiveness and like to do new things but I’ll return to the previous observations I’ve done and continue on them :))
As always,
Thankyou for reading 💓
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gregor-samsung · 2 years
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“ I can say my political consciousness began the moment I recognized my otherness. I was in a graduate seminar on memory and the imagination. The books required were Vladimir Nabokov's Speak Memory, Isak Dinesen's Out of Africa, and Gaston Bachelard's Poetics of Space. I had enjoyed the first two, but as usual I said nothing, just listened to the dialogue around me, too afraid to speak. The third book, though, left me baffled. I assumed I just didn't get it because I wasn't as smart as everyone else, and if I didn't say anything, maybe no one else would notice. The conversation, I remember, was about the house of memory—the attic, the stairwells, the cellar. Attic? My family lived in third-floor flats for the most part, because noise traveled down. Stairwells reeked of Pine Sol from the Saturday scrubbing. We shared them with the people downstairs; they were public zones no one except us thought to clean. We mopped them all right, but not without resentment for cleaning up some other people's trash. And as for cellars, we had a basement, but who'd want to hide in there? Basements were filled with urban fauna. Everyone was scared to go in there including the meter reader and the landlord. What was this guy Bachelard talking about when he mentioned the familiar and comforting house of memory? It was obvious he never had to clean one or pay the landlord rent for one like ours. Then it occurred to me that none of the books in this class or in any of my classes, in all the years of my education, had ever discussed a house like mine. Not in books or magazines or films. My classmates had come from real houses, real neighborhoods, ones they could point to, but what did I know? When I went home that evening and realized my education had been a lie—had made presumptions about what was "normal," what was American, what was valuable—I wanted to quit school right then and there, but I didn't. Instead, I got angry, and anger when it is used to act, when it is used nonviolently, has power. I asked myself what I could write about that my classmates could not. I didn't know what I wanted exactly, but I did have enough sense to know what I didn't want. I didn't want to sound like my classmates; I didn't want to keep imitating the writers I had been reading. Their voices were right for them but not for me. Instead, I searched for the "ugliest" subjects I could find, the most un-"poetic"—slang, monologues in which waitresses or kids talked their own lives. I was trying as best I could to write the kind of book I had never seen in a library or in a school, the kind of book not even my professors could write. Each week I ingested the class readings and then went off and did the opposite. It was a quiet revolution, perhaps a reaction taken to extremes, but it was out of this negative experience that I found something positive: my own voice. “
Sandra Cisneros, The House on Mango Street; 1st edition: Arte Público Press, Houston, Texas, USA, 1984. [Excerpt from author’s introduction to 1993 edition]
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otherkin-confessional · 6 months
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we don't talk often enough about how getting too negatively into your kintypes can sometimes fuck you up beyond repair. had to cut off a friend when their delve into a kintype went so far they literally started treating those around them like shit because they saw themself as superior to others because of it. i feel extremely complicated about it because, well, they're a happier being having accepted who they are now, no longer feeling alone. but i fucking hate the being they became in the process of getting to that. at my worst, sometimes i wish they never awakened to the kintype altogether. maybe then they wouldn't have used it as an excuse to let all the ugliest parts of them come out. it's selfish of me, and i'll never forgive myself for it, even now.
🔮
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voidthing · 5 months
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ok i'm caught up with the coffin of andy and leyley now. and i have. so many thoughts and feelings about these two.
i knew what to expect and the game still hit way too close to home. it's a disturbingly accurate depiction of abuse, neglect, trauma and its transmission, codependency, and personality disorders. especially borderline. and i mean that. so fucking accurate, it's not even funny.
the main characters are so painfully relatable. both of them. many of their issues, thoughts and feelings are things i've experienced myself, almost verbatim in a lot of cases. it's like the monsters in my head came alive right there on the screen. ashley in particular embodies all the worst and ugliest parts of myself, and it really got to me at times.
the way people online talk about the two can be a bit hurtful when you have so much in common with them, but what else is new. that's just how people treat bpd and other personality disorders in general.
anyway. the game definitely left a mark and i'll probably keep posting about it, including spoilers for episode 1 and 2 now that i'm caught up, you might want to filter the tcoaal tag if you'd rather not see that.
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bettsfic · 1 year
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SNS? I had a panic attack the other night and asked someone I thought was a close friend (we've previously been open about mental health stuff and they had told me directly that I can always call them if they would) for help getting through it. They agreed and talked at me for a bit while I cried and did breathing exercises. Now it's a few days later and they texted me to tell me they didn't want me in their life anymore. (1/2)
Everyone is on their own journey and I respect that and I respect the boundary that they've drawn. I guess my question is how do you handle trusting sometime and showing them the ugliest part of you and then getting rejected? I'm finding it very difficult not to go down the spiral of "I'm a horrible repulsive person and should try to minimize my negative impact on the world by isolating myself"
i'm so sorry that happened, anon. that sounds devastating. if it helps, i struggle with a lot of the same negative self-beliefs especially when i think back on relationships and friendships that didn't work out.
the first thing to do is to let yourself be hurt by their behavior. even though i agree that everyone has a right to draw their boundaries, that doesn't mean you can't have an emotional reaction to them. right now it sounds like you're turning that hurt onto yourself, when i think it's more productive to acknowledge that, regardless of how you see yourself, someone you cared about betrayed your trust. you don't have to attribute any logic to it or build a case against yourself. just let yourself feel hurt.
as far as the negative self-beliefs that develop from these situations, i really do think positive reinforcement is a good go-to coping strategy. just earlier today i was in an appointment with my psychiatrist who asked me, "what do you do when you're at your lowest?" to which i said more or less that (very reluctantly and with profound irritation) i begin listing off all the people who love me and all the good work i've put in the world. there is cold hard evidence that not even my self-hating brain can deny that i've been a positive influence on some people, and if i don't lock myself away, i can continue to be a positive influence. even if you have to write it down just so you can see it, make your list. make it as objective as possible so you can't twist it. cold hard facts of the positive influence you've had.
i remember when i started therapy, my big question was, "but what if people hurt you?" i asked that question over and over. no one ever had an answer for me. it's hard to find therapists who understand C-PTSD and the reality that we struggle to process betrayal and abandonment, so we carry it with us from relationship to relationship, piling on armor, until we can't form real relationships at all. the image i always conjure is barbed wire around a teacup. something fragile and made to be loved, but unable to be touched.
the answer i came up with is that you just have to love everyone as well as you possibly can knowing that they can hurt you. they can reject you, abandon you, blame you, and berate you, but you have to remember that the reward of loving is worth the risk of pain.
and lastly, the truth of the world is that there will always be people who simply aren't strong enough to hold you. it doesn't mean you're too heavy; it means they're not willing to put in the work to be strong in the way you need. this can be hard especially if you're the sort of person willing to put in the work for others. but everyone has a breaking point. it's just that some people are a steel beam and some people are a tightrope. it's easier to fall off of one than the other. the weight they're willing to carry has nothing to do with you.
where the negative self-beliefs come in is thinking, but what if i'm too heavy for anyone to hold? what if i'm an unreasonable burden? my instinct has always been to make myself lighter, smaller. if i can make myself easy to love, then people will love me easily, and if people love me easily then they won't hurt me. but the truth is that i am hard to love, not because there's anything wrong with me, but because loving is hard no matter how light and small you are. you can be the happiest, most stable person in the world and that still doesn't make you immune to the hurtful behavior of others, and it doesn't exempt you from behaving in hurtful ways. we are all flawed beasts looking for a place to belong. in order to find where we fit, we have to find where we don't.
i hope you've found some of this helpful. again, i'm sorry you're going through this, and i wish you the very best.
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