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springofivyy · 3 months

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The Prostitute Mindset - Why Men Must PAY to Access Women

Now before you question what I am talking about, since the title of this blog is called “The Prostitute Mindset”, let me clarify that I do not mean to become a sex worker. I will be talking about a mindset that helps women understand their value and worth. If you’re still unsure, keep on reading.

When you think of a sex worker, such as OnlyFans, you may think of women selling sex. You are correct, however, it is the fact that the men are willing to pay to access these women. This is why I call it “The Prostitute Mindset.” If men want to access women, then they must PAY and put in effort.

I will die on a hill by staying true to my belief in gender roles - to an extent. When it comes to men and women, I believe in biology and spirituality. Biologically, I believe men are built to handle stress, work so much, and do the heavy lifting - whereas women are not built for this. The whole “Girl Boss” culture is harmful for women because whenever a woman works so much and stresses too much, they feel more burn out than men. I am not saying women should not be able to work, I believe they should, what I am saying is that biologically they are not meant to handle so much stress the same way men are.

Also, another reason why I believe in gender roles, again to an extent, is because people are trying to get rid of gender roles for good. This is dangerous! Women who are “Pick Mes” and “Girl Bosses” need to be stopped and helped because this is not empowering to women, it is serving the men. Women will end up doing ALL of the work, and the men will not contribute or contribute little. When/if women do this, they will be so tired and burnt out.

Furthermore, I also believe in spirituality (i.e. masculine and feminine energy). Masculine energy is all about doing, whereas feminine energy is about being - which could also be rooted in biology, too.

One reason why I hold these, biology and spirituality reasons, to be my truth and values is because I can vouch for these based on personal experience. Whenever I acted in my masculine energy, such as chasing men and working too much, I didn’t feel good and I was sad and disappointed. However, whenever I act in my feminine energy, being pursued and not working so much, I feel better and like my true self.

While I believe there are good things about Western culture, I do have beef with one aspect. That aspect is in order for women to be valued and respected in society, they have to ACT and WORK like men. This is harmful for women, and is misogynistic in itself! Women shouldn’t ACT and WORK like men because of biological differences! It is as if society does not recognize the value women already have by just being a woman.

Although I am not religious, I do agree and love that Eve was created so Adam would not be alone. I will repeat that, women were created so men would not be alone. Additionally, without women, we would not be here. Ever since the beginning of time, women held the true power, but it would seem that society forgets or does not acknowledge this. Perhaps one reason for this is because men are upset that women have the power all along, so they undermine women so they can gain power and control for themselves.

I think we need to bring a new form of feminism, and that is what its root word is. Feminine. We need to create a new form that celebrates and ALLOWS women to be and work like women. What we have now undermines women and their value. I am learning this and am encouraging women all over to stop being and working like men and just be women, our true selves, because we hold the power all along.

What is the Prostitute Mindset?

I did not come up with this concept on my own. YouTuber Manifestelle has a video called, “the least men can do is pay - OnlyFans exposes the 50/50 scam + gold digging is feminist?”, that has helped me develop this mindset. Please check out her video and channel, she is AMAZING! I am so grateful for her because she opened my eyes and is helping me to change my life for the better.

The Prostitute Mindset by my definition is this: if a man wants to access you, then they must pay and put in effort. As Manifestelle says, “the least a man can do is pay.”

As a woman who has been through the ringer with men, I cannot tell you how much Manifestelle’s videos changed me. I am not the only one, too. Women all over are done and tired of being mistreated, and putting all the effort into men who do not truly care about them.

Now typically, women who engage in sex work do not give men their pleasure unless they pay. Why should women, who do not do sex work, not do this concept, too? By having this mindset, you weed out the bad men, helping you find the right men. The bad men will not be willing to pay and put in effort for you because they want you for free, so they will not respect and care about you. However, good men are willing to pay and put in effort for women because they will be willing to provide for and take care of the women.

I do not believe in 50/50 relationships. If anything, I believe in at least 20/80. The 20 percent is what the woman does, and the 80 percent is what the man does. Women take care of the home, children, and if she wants, works, but not too much (20 percent). Men go to work to provide, do the heavy lifting, fix the car, take out the trash, etc. (80 percent). This idea is rooted in biology and spirituality.

One of my ex-coworkers told me that when she moves in with her boyfriend, all she has to do is take care of the groceries and her boyfriend will take care of the bills. I agree with this 100 percent. Although, I do believe that a woman should contribute to the bills and rent/mortgage, too, but not ALL of them - unless the man makes enough for him to cover all the bills and rent/mortgage.

Why The Prostitute Mindset is Beneficial and NEEDED For Women:

As I mentioned before, women should and need to use this mindset because this helps women find the good men from the bad men. I do agree that relationships are transactional. Men and women do date differently, so it is important for women to not settle and date around until they find a good man.

One way that men and women date differently is because men want to be supported and needed, and women want to feel loved and protected. Men see sex as a reward, I 100 percent believe this. So if men want their pleasure, then they must make sure the woman is properly cared and provided for.

This is not really a bad thing, I don’t think because sex = life, and is pleasurable for both genders. However, not a lot of women will admit this because society condemns women for enjoying it and having a high libido. One reason for this could be because men “populate as much as they can” and women raise the future child - since women can only be pregnant once at a time biologically. While I do understand this point, I still disagree with condemning women for enjoying what is natural and is essentially life!

I am not saying women should engage in hook-up culture and sleep around as much as men because this is not biologically good for women - again most likely because of biological differences. When it comes to women, I strongly disagree with hook-up culture and them sleeping around because of the emotional connection that occurs during sex for women to a man who does not really care about them outside of sex. I am not calling women who do this a “slut”, what I am saying is that women should not and need to stop doing this because of the emotional damage it causes for them. With this being said, I am more accepting of men sleeping around and engaging in hook-up culture because of their biology, but this does not mean they should use their biology as an excuse to cheat on and mistreat women.

Going back to paragraph three in this section, although I do think women should not and need to stop engaging in hook-up culture and sleeping around, I do think they can and should enjoy sex without the labels of being called a “slut.” How do you think we are all created? It is because women have sex.

However, women are told to not enjoy it and that having a high libido is abnormal for a woman. This is misogynistic because, outside of biological differences, these views come from a point of trying to manipulate and control women. Men use this to gain power and control for themselves because they are competitive creatures. If a woman is seeing another man, then the other man will get jealous because they want the woman to himself. Additionally, this is another reason why women hold the true power instead of men because men will compete with one another to have women.

Back to the first paragraph in this section, when men provide for and take care of the women, women will feel loved and cared for - resulting in a very happy ending ;) for both parties.

Takeaway:

I am grateful and proud to be a woman. And I will not stop being a woman - even in a society that tells women in order to be valued and respected, they must ACT and WORK like men. Womanhood is my truest self. I feel good and powerful as a woman. Manifestelle has helped me see this, so again, I encourage you to check her out!

I also encourage women all over to use The Prostitute Mindset to weed out the bad men from the good men. Again, I am not saying for women to become sex workers, what I am saying is to use this mindset so women will be valued, cared for, and respected by men and future spouses.

I am on this journey with you! If you have any other similar advice, or women’s support group videos, books, stories, etc., please leave them in the comments below!

#women #dating advice #supportforwomen #relationship #relationship advice #unpopular opinion #unpopular thoughts #unpopular take

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 5 months

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Thursday, November 16th

8:30am I have one more big assignment and two more small assignments. It feels impossible and I'm so tired. All I want to do is call my best friend but he won't answer. Just have to do this myself again. I'm extremely strong and resilient and I can't believe I made it to this point.

3:30pm I survived Verbal Defense! I did it! I am really proud of myself for everything I have survived this semester! It's raining really hard which is fucking up my vibe and shit but the rain will stop eventually! I'm like shaking from all the overflow of emotions. This semester took so much from me, out of me, really just beat me tf up. My life has been a trainwreck for so long. I just want peace. I just want to calm the persistent anxiety that's been propping me up for months. I just want to rest my mind. I'm literally shaking from the release of stress. Stress is so undeniable physical and just wrecks your body in so many ways. It's time to rest and heal. You've been through so much trauma the past few months and here you are, still alive, still strong. Don't ignore the trauma you experienced but it's time to heal and grow and begin another chapter, not ignoring the previous chapters, but building off of the lessons learned. We go on.

4pm Just remember that most people don't gaf what you do bro just don't hurt anyone and ur good. I just put fish sticks in the oven and popped open a mojito and I'm chilling until I change my mind and want to do something else.

4:20pm I feel like I can finally process what has happened to me. School put me in survival mode and now I'm free to heal. Yeah I'm crying when I should be feeling nothing but joy. I'm crying bc I didn't get the chance to when I was just trying to survive. I went through so much having my trust broken and my life ripped out from under me. I am traumatized but I'll heal. I know I will. This will pass and then I'll feel the joy of my success. It was all mine and all my hard work. I'm seriously proud of myself and I'll say it 1000x ❤️

4:40pm added image of my fish sticks bc it makes me happy that I'm feeding myself

5:00pm intrusive thoughts but wow I can't believe I didn't kll myself this semester I'm so proud :)

5:10pm I made green beans sauteed in the pan instead of the microwave 🥰 I love myself and I know I am worth so much and I know I can take care of myself when I'm not insanely stressed with school. I'll find myself again in no time ❤️ it's like a dark storm cloud has lifted from above my head

7:47pm I woke up from a nap and my stomach hurts lol I think I made the green beans too oily/buttery but it's ok! Haha. I need to clean out my fridge and get some me foods in here. I haven't gone grocery shopping in ages. Everything is probably freezer burnt tbh but that's ok! You were just trying your best ❤️

I have rented Silence of the Lambs and I think I will take a Tums and have some Sprite and some ice cream and rest some more ❤️

9:25pm ok so I had a finish an assignment that nobody wanted to do so I took one for the team and did it 💕 the Tums helped tremendously and now it's movie time :) I'm glad I don't feel like I'm about to shit myself anymore so that actually worked out 😂

9:49pm physical feelings/ sensations have such a profound impact on my mental status. Seeing something gross or feeling physical pain just send me into a spiral. I would like to know how to work on this more. I think the best thing to do for now is to focus on what I can control in my surroundings.

1am lol ok I ended up not watching the movie and that's ok! MasterChef marathon ftw. Got both my little boys laying on the couch with me ❤️

Woke up and I started thinking about being in a relationship and about him or whatever but I'm not really sad. I think I'm asexual or like really minimally sexual. Idk what it is but like I enjoy people for so much more than sex? Like I want to have a connection with you first and then that will follow. Idk how people just be out here jumping and dumping 😂 it's just a waste of time for me. Long story short, I'm not seeking out another relationship rn so it's hard for me to even feel sexual really. Maybe it's a trauma thing or a stress thing, I really don't know. I do know I can't be the only one who feels this way and that's ok ❤️

2am I think I have autism and yeah I mean I thought of it before but then it's like 🤷‍♀️ ok and? And yeah I just think it explains a lot of things about me. But it's like I don't know what to do with that information lol.

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spiritualdeviance · 8 months

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ahhhhhhhh ahahahahaaha i feel so fucking helpless lmaooo the first home where i could fully be myself is being ripped right out of my hands and nobody seems to care as much as me. my landlord is destroying my life and has the gall to call ME abusive for asking him to explain why he's doing it. i keep asking and asking for people to take the initiative to help defend this place bc i am too burnt out and instead they are telling me i should just give up bc it's already lost. & i'm like we wouldn't have fucking lost this place if y'all had pulled your fingers out MONTHS AGO!!!!!?! but everyone is happy for me to do everything for them until I get stressed or angry or frustrated and then I'm too much & I need to calm down. the one person who could probably put a definitive end to this won't bc she has to protect herself first and meanwhile.. I am about to be homeless and jobless and nobody seems to care????? nobody wants me to be sad but nobody wants to do what i am asking of them and im so scared that not only my life but all the relationships i have built over the last year, the first genuine friendships I've ever had, will be ruined beyond repair

i'm having suicidal thoughts again like it's too much I'm so tired of it. why do this to someone just because you can

#cw suicide ideation

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

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Play Me A Song

Paring: Tom Holland x fem!reader

Summary: This is based off the video of Tom playing guitar that he posted on Instagram:) Tom facetimes you to help brighten up your day.

Warnings: none

A/n: Not me using fan fiction as a coping mechanism for my stress, yet ONCE AGAIN.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧───── ･｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

“Hellooo, gorgeous girl!” Tom cooed as his face popped up onto your phone screen.

You let out a nasally giggle, the side of your face snuggling deeper into the pillow Tom would use when he was over at your house.

Tom tilts his head at the phone, a hint of a smile on his blush colored lips. The action caused his mop of chocolate brown curls to slightly bounce, catching your attention. You longed for the feeling of running your hands through his soft hair. You missed the way it felt between your fingers and how it would make Tom nuzzle closer to you.

“How was your day? You sounded a bit upset on the phone.” He checked in, voice soft and sweet, yet full of concern. His brows furrowed, causing a wrinkle to form between his brows.

You breath in, smelling the hints of him on your pillow. He was miles away, FaceTime allowed you to see and talk to him, though it wasn’t the same as him being beside you. If you were together right now, he would probably envelop you with his protective arms, pull you into his warm chest, and press kisses all over any bit of your exposed skin. His curls would tickle against your neck while he buried his head into the small space between your neck and shoulders—though you wouldn’t mind the tickle because it would remind you that he was there with you.

You sighed, “Today was a rough day. My professors have been piling work on us and I got called into work on my day off. I haven’t even gotten to start that research paper for class—I’m just so burnt out. I’m tired of trying, Tommy.”

Tom pouted, bringing the camera near his face to feel closer to you. He only felt the heat of his phone screen against his face, but he could still feel the light vibrations of your voice through the phone’s speakers. He placed the speaker of his phone slightly atop his chest, so he could feel the rhythm of your words against him. It reminded him of the days you two would cuddle after the both of you had long days at work. You would tell each other about your days and bask in the feeling of being in each other’s arms. He missed the feeling of being close to you.

“I know you have a lot of work to do, but you need to give yourself breaks, darling. And don’t tell me that you don’t need a break, you’re human (y/n), there’s only so much you can do in a day.” He began. Tom knew how you could get when college got overwhelming. Sometimes there were weeks where you would throw yourself into work, with no sleep, minimal food, and too many cups of coffee. He adored the diligence you had for your education, he wished he could’ve had that when he was still in school, but he wanted to make sure that you were taking care of yourself.

“Listen, you got this, I know you do. You’re the most intelligent and hard working woman I have ever met in my life. There’s nothing you can’t do, because I know, one way or another, you’re gonna find a way to do it. You always do. I just don’t want you to forget to take care of yourself. I know your education is important, but so are you.” He finished, a small smile forming on his lips. You hum in response, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of myself Tommy.”

What you say seems to reassure him, his shoulders visibly loosened up and the smile on his face grows a bit wider. Your own lips turn up on their own, reciprocating his smile.

“How about you, how was your day?” You ask him. Tom sits up and leans against his headboard.

“Well they’re still renovating the house, so Harry and I decided to rent out a place not too far from mum and dad’s. We actually had lunch with them, I got to see Tessa—gosh, I wish you were here right now. Tess was bouncing all over the place and giving everyone kisses, you would’ve loved it. And Paddy! He’s gotten so much taller since I’ve last seen him, and his voice keeps getting deeper, it’s actually embarrassing for me to be beside him because I’m older and I sound like I’m the one going through puberty.” He rambled, one of his hands making gestures and his face making expressions as he spoke. You loved the way he could just go on about a certain topic, especially when it came to his family. As sad as it was to see him leave for the UK, you were also happy because you knew he’d get to see his family.

He continued to talk about his day until his leg bumped into something, causing a hollow thump to emit from the object.

“What was that?” He leaned forward, the sound of his sheets rustling as he moved to grab the object filling your speakers.

“My guitar.” He grunted, holding the instrument up. “Remember, you got this for me for my birthday!” He proudly reminded you. You had gotten him the Ed Sheeran edition Martin Guitar after he had been going on and on about wanting to learn how to properly play the instrument. At the same time, he had a little obsession with Ed Sheeran and his music, so when you saw the guitar in the shop, you thought why not? You knew he would love it.

You fondly chuckled at him, “Yeah I do! You even promised to write me a song one day after you opened it.”

The last part of your sentence caught his attention, “I will write you a song one day, I’m very serious about that promise, love.” He pointed at you.

“Oh, are you?” You tease him.

“Yes, I am. In fact, ever since I’ve gotten back home, I’ve been practicing again and I’m doing much better.” He confidently told you.

“Can you play me a song?” You softly ask him.

“I can play you ‘Grow as we Go’ by Ben Platt. It’s the song I’ve been practicing.” He placed his phone against a pillow, using it as a stand. He placed the guitar in his lap, positioning his fingers on the frets and strings of the guitar.

“Yeah, play anything. I just wanna hear you play.” You mumble, your voice coming out in a muffle against Tom’s pillow.

“Just a warning, it’s probably not that good.” He mentions, shooting you a playful look.

“I don’t care.” You smile. He starts to softly strum the opening of the Ben Platt song and you couldn’t help but smile. He looked away from the camera, trying to focus on the notes and giving you a good look at the side of his face. The light shines part of his face, leaving the features you can see dark in the shadow, though it didn’t stop you from making out his gorgeous brown eyes. His long fingers move fluidly along the strings, creating a sweet melody on the guitar.

He stumbles a bit, making him whisper “Bollocks.” The little hiccup didn’t stop him from playing and so he continued to strum the guitar. You decided to stay quiet, letting him be in the zone. He messes up again, this time saying “bollocks” louder than the first time. You see him slightly shake his head as he regains his focus and places his fingers on the proper strings again.

You fondly watch him as he play, admiring the man you call your boyfriend. His fingers twitch on the string causing him to pause. He sucks his teeth, a bit of a frustrated grin on his face.

“Mmm.” He looks at you before turning away, “Okay.” He plays again, brows furrowed together in concentration as he tries to play the part of the song his keeps messing up on. You couldn’t contain the giggle that came out of you when he cringed at the sound the guitar made when he tried to play past the note. He pauses looking at the ceiling and tries to figure out the next notes.

“Alright, last time.”

“You’ve got it.” You encourage him. Your words give him some confidence and he shoots you a sweet smile. He readjusts the guitar in his lap, this time keeping his eyes on the strings as he plays. He strums the song again, starting off slow then slowly getting faster. Though his pacing was off by a bit, the song still sounded great nonetheless. You were thoroughly impressed.

He stops playing sitting back against the headboard, “I don’t know why I speed up though. I don’t know why I decide to do it so quickly.” He says into the camera.

You laugh, “It still sounds great though, I really enjoyed it.”

Tom tilts his head at you, teasingly squinting at the camera, “Even with the amount of times I kept stopping?”

“Yes, even with the amount of times you kept stopping.” You laugh, adjusting your phone. Tom puts the guitar aside and grabs his phone. He lays back on his bed, his head resting on his pillow and his curls sprawling out on the cushiony white surface. One of his hands rest behind his head as he stares at you.

“I’m gonna keep practicing. So the next time I see your beautiful face I can serenade you with a song and my guitar.” He muses, a lazy grin on his features.

“That sounds like something out of a chick flick.” You snort. He shoots you a playful glare, “Shut up, you love it.”

Tom knew you were a sucker for chick flick gestures. Kissing in the rain, watching the sunset, you name it.

You sigh, scrunching up your nose, “Yeah, I do.”

“But only from you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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staynskz · 3 years

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Making Amends

Pairing: Husband Bangchan x Wife female reader

Genre: angst

Word count: 2.5k

Warning(s): None

Prologue: You and Chan had dated for some time before deciding it was a good time to marry. You both had children soon after marriage; Aris, your daughter, is 5 years old, and Eli, your son, is 3 years old. You both had a wonderful marriage. Compromises were always made to work around everyone’s schedule, but you were sure to make sure everything was always in order around your home. Sometimes, those compromises were you being too forgiving at times. It was hard, but it could be worse. Chan was always helpful, but there were also times where he overworked and forgot to worry about his responsibilities at home. Those were times that got dark and hard for you.

There were so many blessings in your life: your two children, Aris and Eli, your husband, Chan, and so many more people you’ve gotten to know over the years. Sometimes, life would get in the way, but it was so hard to try and smile through it all. You understood that Chan was busy producing and leading the group, but you also knew that there could’ve been ways around both of your schedules to make time for each other. If you could do it, Chan should be willing to compromise too. You felt like you were giving too much time to everyone else but yourself. It was getting harder and harder every day. Chan kept coming home late and was overworking himself, but you loved him too much to bother to ask for any help. The children were still so young, and you wanted nothing but to watch them grow up. It was too much now. You were overthinking, weren’t you?

After finishing the dishes, showering the children, and tucking them into their beds, you finally were able to sit on your bed before ending the night by closing your eyes. You couldn’t close your eyes. You didn’t know what tomorrow held. Chan still wasn’t home either. All of the thoughts in your head brought you to tears. You hadn’t cried like this before. You were broken, burnt out, and exhausted. Being a loving mother, doting wife, and friends to others was too much now. You could only keep crying into your hands. It felt like it was nonstop. You weren’t you anymore; you’d changed. Wanting to avoid getting puffy eyes in the morning, you decided to get up and clean your eyes before going to bed. As you looked up, you saw a figure that made you jump from shock. It was Chan. Trying to wipe your tears away before he could see them, you smiled at him saying, “hi babe, you’re home early.” He didn’t say anything. He just stared at you. He knew you were hurting. You always did that. You hid your pain regardless of how much it hurt you to keep it altogether. To avoid the worried stare he had in his eyes, you got up to go to the bathroom. Hurrying past him, you hoped that he wouldn’t say anything about your crying. Chan knew how to read the room. He knew that you didn’t like to talk about anything until you were ready. “Babe…why were you crying?” he asked quietly. Darn it! He asked! Shit! Shit! Shit! What do you say? Turning around, you saw that Chan was still staring at the bed. Before more tears could form, you assured, “I was just watching a really good movie. It touched my heart, so I’m just relaxing from it.” “You don’t cry like that over movies, Y/N…” “Well this just reminded me of a lot of sad stories I’d heard about,” you were doing anything to lie to avoid a scolding from Chan about you not opening up to him about your problems. “Y/N-” “I’m telling the truth, Chan, it’s not that serious-“ was all you could muster before he turned around and stared at you. That stare was like nothing you’ve ever seen before. He was so tired, yet so worried about you as well. His eyebags were dark and bigger than the night before. You just hoped that he would let it slide. You went silent. When Chan looked at you like this, you were unable to lie and say that you were okay. He knew you, inside and out. You were both inseparable-soulmates as some would say. The red string that ties your souls together was being pulled from you both and drawing you far away from each other. “Don’t lie to me, Y/N. You know I don’t like it when you lie. We said we would be open and honest from the day we’ve been together until now. There’s nothing that we should be keeping from each other.” “Chan, I…” Should you keep lying until you get out of this rut? You were able to fool Chan for awhile sometimes, but this time it wasn’t going to work. “I’ve just been stressed…” “Stressed about what?” he asked as he slowly approached you. “About everything, honestly. There’s so much that I need to take care of, and the kids are still growing up, and I’m trying to make dinner every night, I’m trying to sleep every night, I’m trying to make sure you’re doing okay, I’m trying to make sure all of my duties at work are complete before the day ends, it all just keeps going around and around, Chan. It’s never going to stop. And… it feels like you’re not here to help me, Chan. I feel so alone, and I’m trying to make sure everyone’s doing okay while I’m not okay…” Chan was always a good listener; whatever problems you had, he was there to offer knowledgeable advice. He was silent this time around. You looked up at him staring straight down at you. “So, you’re saying you’re mad at me?” “Wait, no. Chan, I’m not-I mean-I am, just a little bit, but-” “Why didn’t you just say it then? You know that you could’ve just told me. I’m always here to listen to whatever problems you have, babe.” “Well… you’ve been so busy producing that I didn’t want to bother you at all. I wanted to make sure you weren’t stressed for whatever project you have going on at work.” “But we said-” “Yes, Chan. I know what we promised each other when we got married, but sometimes it’s not enough for-” “So you think I’m not doing enough?” “What? No. Chan, I didn’t mean it like that.” “You could’ve just said it to me if you wanted me to do more, Y/N. You know that I love you and I want what’s best for our family. Why do you-” “How am I supposed to tell you when you’re always busy, Chan?!” There it was… your limiting point. You hated it when people asked you why you didn’t say anything in the beginning. You were too considerate for your own good. “How am I supposed to talk to a husband who’s never home?! My husband isn’t home to help me cook dinner, bathe the children, and can’t even get home to eat least enjoy dinner with me?!” “Oh, so you ARE mad at me. Well, if you said anything to me, I would’ve-” “Stop saying that! Stop saying that if I said something you would’ve done something, Chan! You know that I’m busy, yet you leave me home with the children to care for, and I do everything for this house! If you truly cared, you would’ve SEEN that I was exhausted from doing this all on my own!” “Well, I’ve just been-” “Sometimes, it doesn’t even feel like I’m a married woman, Chan! These women out here have husbands who worry about them, who take care of them, who do everything they can to make a house function, but you just worry about work! Do you even care about us?! Your wife who works AND cleans your house?! Your children who barely get to see you as they’re growing up?!” You weren’t thinking clearly. You were angry. You were angry at life, the world, and especially Chan at this moment. You didn’t think those words would come out of your mouth, though. You never meant to say hurtful things to each other, but stressful times would sometimes get the best of you both. Chan scoffed at your response and walked backwards toward to closet. “Well, I’m sorry that you feel like a single mother, Y/N. Sorry that I can’t be the perfect husband for you or be the perfect father for our children.” “Chan…I didn’t mean that. I-” “We’ll just leave it at that,” Chan said as he grabbed his suitcase and jacket, leaving the bedroom. You knew where he was going… back to the studio to produce more. You were frustrated as hell, but you had work in the morning and were already tired from the day, so you decided it was time to call it day and slid into the covers to sleep.

Over the next few days, you and Chan barely spoke to each other. You didn’t want to speak to an angry Chan, and hurting him with your words was enough. However, the kids were able to sense the tension between you and Chan. They knew that on normal days, mommy and daddy would wake them up, and everybody would get ready together. On normal days, mommy and daddy would cook dinner together with daddy back hugging and kissing mommy until mommy had to kick him out from being too annoying. When cleaning after dinner, mommy and daddy would have a dance session in the kitchen. On normal days, daddy would put on a show for them, and have them all tackle and tickle mommy until mommy gave up laughing. On normal days, daddy would come home from work early, and daddy would share what daddy created in the studio. The past few days weren’t normal. Aris and Eli knew that. Even at a young age, they knew that mommy and daddy weren’t happy. On Saturday morning, Aris asked you, “Mommy… are you and daddy mad at each other?” Lost in your own train of thought, you snapped back into reality as your daughter tapped you for an answer. “Huh? What was that, honey?” “I saidddd are you and daddy mad at each other???” What were you supposed to tell your kids? That you and Chan had an argument? Hell no. “No, baby. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it, okay? You need to eat your breakfast before you go to uncle Binnie’s, okay?” Eyeing Eli suspiciously, she goes back to eating her breakfast. Trying to hide the tears brimming in your eyes, you smiled at the kids before going back to eating your own breakfast. Today was a Saturday, and you didn’t feel prepared to work at all. You had been hauling your ass around at work for the past few weeks preparing for a project you had to present today. They’d pushed dates around, causing you an even bigger headache, and making you have to change plans last minute. The kids were dropped off at Changbin and his s/o’s house. They’d volunteered to take care of the kids since you and Chan were both working.

After work, you were on your way to Changbin’s house. Outside his house, you saw Chan’s car parked in front of his house. You texted Chan that the kids were going to be at Changbin’s house, but he never replied. You were surprised he didn’t inform you if he was going to pick them up or not either. Inhaling deeply, you got out of your car and walked towards the front door. Ringing the doorbell, you heard little bits of laughter and shrieking coming from inside. The kids always loved their uncle Binnie; he never failed to entertain them. Chan was the one who came to open the door. You stood by the front door, instructing the kids that their fun time with uncle Binnie was over. Bummed out, they said bye to their uncle and auntie Binnie.

After tucking the children into bed together, Chan approached you. “Why do the kids know that we’re not happy right now?” “What do you mean? I don’t understand.” “The kids told Changbin that we were arguing and were mad at each other,” he explained. You stood speechless. You knew children would say random things, but you didn’t think your daughter could pick up so easily on small clues. “Don’t act so innocent, Y/N. I know you’re always gossiping on the phone with your girlfriends about how unhappy you are in our marriage.” Those words stung. They hurt even worse than if someone were to take a knife and penetrate your heart with it. “How would I know, Chan?! Maybe it’s because they don’t see their father! Maybe it’s because they know that none of us are happy in this damn house!” “Don’t play the victim. I know that it’s because of your big mouth that our children have to hear about this!” There he was… attacking you again-for something that was entirely out of your control. “MY BIG MOUTH?! I HAVEN’T EVEN SPOKEN TO MY FRIENDS FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SO BUSY! IF YOU ACTUALLY KNEW MY DAY TO DAY SCHEDULE, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT OUR CHILDREN AREN’T DUMB, CHAN! YOU WOULD KNOW THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE GROWING UP WITHOUT YOU!” He was angry-trying to stay calm, but the silence was from anger, not from understanding nor from love. Where did your marriage go wrong? Where did you both turn into hate-filled lovers, who can’t even speak to each other without raising your voices? You didn’t know, and you didn’t care. You had been patient enough. You were silent for too long. It wasn’t going to change anything. There was so much that you wanted to say, but you knew Chan wasn’t going to do anything either. His compromises were the bare minimum. To hide the tears that were falling down your face, you turned your back towards Chan, and walked out the door. It was hard enough that you felt like a single mother. Before leaving the room, you admitted to Chan, “You know what, maybe I am unhappy in this marriage. I do feel like a single mother taking care of my own children…Maybe it’s time we find new things to do rather than stay in this worthless relationship, Chan.”

Your marriage was failing. Not was… is. Your marriage was something you’d wanted to be so proud of since you were a little girl. You imagined yourself being the caring, doting mother and wife, and being the one everyone else was envious of. It was the total opposite now. Everyone pitied you because you had a husband who didn’t care for you, probably hated you as well. There were so many things going on inside your head, you couldn’t think clearly anymore. At work, you couldn’t focus. The words you’d said to Chan-that you knew pierced his heart as well. You felt so guilty. Was your marriage going to end in divorce? Was it going to be the relationship you promised to never have? Either way, it was going to be one hell of a struggle trying to please everyone’s schedules.

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Author’s Note: Hi, I’m just barely starting out this series. I’m not sure how many parts I’m gonna write, but hopefully you guys liked it! :) Give me some critical feedback or advice on my writing if you want too! I want to continuously write better!

Tag list: @crispbang

#husbandchan #bangchanxreader #dadbangchan #bangchanstraykids #straykids #bangchanangst #skz #husbandbangchan

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thelittlepoetprincess · 3 years

Text

ᴘᴏɪꜱᴏɴᴏᴜꜱ ʟᴏᴠᴇ [Dabi x Reader]

Author's Note: I personally am not a fan of Lizard king here but go off. This took a long ass time to write not to mention proofread and edit. No idea if I'm making another part to this. Also, a lot of this is therapy wagon material. If you want to be tagged in these just say so.

Warnings: Fluff for a bit, Implied depression, mild spoilers, light mental manipulation, degrading, power play, oral sex(F receiving), hate sex, death mentions, arson, and physical abuse.

Summary: You chose your job over Dabi, and then severely regret it once he survives.

The numbness of grief was overwhelming, even more so when the one you were grieving was your lover. You settled onto the sofa, watching the news drone on about the recent death of Villian Dabi, confirmed now to be Touya Todoroki. You'd turn off the TV and lie on your back, not needing the extraneous details of his death. After all, you killed him.

The memory of it haunted you like ghosts dancing in your memories: the heated warmth of his palms that threatened to burn you but never did, the way he always wore worn down leather or rough worn down jackets, everything about him attracted you and only made his death hit you harder.

You were a lesser-known hero with a restoration quirk, able to numb large areas and heal minor wounds while still using it in large quantities. You'd met Dabi while out on a mission to recover a kidnapped hero, and you couldn't keep your hands off his wounds. Not like he'd let you after he felt your gentle touch ease his pain for once.

Six months, it only took six months for the bad boy to entangle himself into your life. He snuck into your old apartment all the time, made you comfortable, and he'd break down in front of you. He was a surprisingly affectionate lover, despite his many flaws. You'd feel something in your throw blanket, shaking it loose to find the leather jacket he always wore.

The navy blue leather faded slightly and burnt in specific areas where he couldn't control his flames.

You felt the fresh hot tears welling up behind your eyes as you clutched the jacket to your chest. It was much larger than you since Dabi was slightly taller, so your face nuzzled into where his neck would be. It still smelled of cigarettes and burnt flesh, the scent you grew to love so much.

You took a deep inhale, the tears starting to flow as you replayed your shared memories, unable to help the grief overwhelming you. Suddenly, you had no energy nor will to do anything except sleep, even moving was deemed too much to handle. The scent of your boyfriend lulled you to sleep, though it'd be one of the last times it'd do so.

Dabi wrapped his hands around your waist before hoisting you high in the air while the wind blew at your hair in the flowy white lace dress you wore. The undetailed field of wildflowers went on far beyond your sight as he twirled you around before falling on his back with you. You'd both be laughing in the hazy daze of love before sharing a loving kiss as the gentle grass blades tickled your skin.

You felt a leathery hand touch the skin of your cheek, the thick smell of cigarette smoke tickling your nose and making you sneeze before you gently smacked away the hand. You hear a deep, raspy chuckle before the person mysteriously pulls the coat on you like a blanket.

"Little hero, do you love me?" You'd mumble a yes subconsciously, something saddeningly familiar about whoever it was looming over your sleeping form. "Ha, cute. . ." You heard something about leaving and the door shut with a click, leaving you to sleep once again.

Your peaceful sleep is dreadfully short as your friends came in, yanking you from the grasp of sleep with their tumultuous noise.

You quickly hid the jacket, sleepily rubbing at your eyes as they opened your curtains and turned on the TV. It droned on about the agency you worked at and fire. However, you didn't have the energy nor will to care since you planned on quitting anyway.

They droned on about how you'd slept for two days straight and needed to get out, and you agreed. Maybe it would take your mind off of Dabi and the arsenic incident, also the five missed calls from your agency from two days ago. You'd shower and change, pulling your hair back out of your face for the first time for days.

The curls were dry against your fingers so you oiled your hands and massaged them into the brown mass you called hair, plucking it out to its full shape. You pulled on the black and blue dress, noticing how the dress hugged your hips a bit then flowed out to your mid-thigh. Perhaps you've gained a bit of weight these past 2 months.

Tired bags were under your eyes from sleeping for so long. After some light makeup, you left with them to the carnival.

Lights illuminated the dark navy blue sky as you got dragged about, the fun temporarily blinding you from the sadness overwhelming you. They led you into the Maze of Mirrors, their bodies contorting and bending around you confusedly while you searched for them until they disappeared. Their goofy laughter faded into an eerie silence with only your echoing footsteps left to fill the silence. You froze as you smelled a familiar scent: burnt flesh and cigarette smoke.

His chuckles were all around you as you saw the flashes of black and navy blue in the mirrors before he was suddenly standing in front of you.

He was pissed, you knew that snarky glare anywhere. It made you nervous as he closed the distance between the two of you without speaking a word until he backed you against the cold glass. He gently pressed himself against you, giving you no real way to escape him with his arms on both sides of your head. "Dabi-" "Shh, I don't wanna hear it. At least not here, too many people. They're already looking for me since I disappeared. We aren't safe, come on." He didn't ask as he hoisted you over his shoulders to carry you out the back exit.

He seemed gentle while he carried you, he wasn't rough at all. The heat you felt radiating from his palms as he held said otherwise as you worriedly fretted about him burning a hole in your clothes. Though you felt some relief knowing he wasn't dead: he was your love after all. You knew what was coming to you for feeding him arsenic wasn't going to be a gentle, loving reunion of star-crossed lovers. Dabi wasn't that kind of guy.

He made it back to your new apartment after knocking out the security guard at the gate and threw you onto the bed. He'd seemed to get angrier as he got closer to your apartment. Your hair messily fell around your face to make a curly halo around it. He was on top of you before you could attempt to sit up, his warm breath huffing down the side of your neck.

"Now what the fuck were you thinking, huh? An arsenic cupcake? You really wanna get rid of me that badly you snake." He seethed, and you felt the familiar feeling of your wrists being burnt by his flames. You cry out in pain, squirming under his grip with tears in your eyes.

"Oh you're crying, now you're crying. How do you think I felt getting sick and finding out my girlfriend poisoned me?" He'd growl out, as you stopped squirming and sucked it up. He was right, you deserved this. You tried to kill him, and all he'd done was be beside you and attempt to be somewhat of a lover to you. You looked up to him, his blue eyes lacking any gentleness or affection. It was hate, resentment, and importantly: lust.

That's when it hit you that you were a stress reliever for him. Everything that he kept pent up he always let it out on you, and for about a month now he hasn't had it. You'd reach out, gently tracing your fingers along his scars using your quirk to calm him and watch his eyes soften as he quite literally melted under your touch. He'd land on top of you, caging you underneath him with his arms, he exhaled a strained snarl before snatching your hands from his skin.

You couldn't help wincing once you felt the familiar burning sensation of Dabi's quirk in action yet again as the blue flames licked against your skin, at least it wasn't a third-degree this time.

"It was you, wasn't it? My agency, they called then it went up in flames." He didn't answer but you knew the answer by the way he buried into the side of your neck. He always did that when you accused him and he was guilty. You'd chuckle to yourself but yelp when you felt his teeth against the soft skin of your neck, suckling your skin.

You'd squirm as a familiar heat settled itself in the pit of your stomach. He huffed as he finally moved away from the purple bruise he left on your skin. His lips trailed down until he reached your exposed collarbone, chuckling before tracing his hands against your caramel skin sending chills down your spine. He'd kiss, lovingly at that, along the caramel curve of your breasts.

He'd yank you to the edge of the bed, moving between your legs with a focused look in his glimmering eyes. "Dabi, are you mad at me?" He'd chuckle before you'd feel a burn against your thighs while sinking his teeth into the soft plushness of your inner thigh. "Oh darling, I'm fucking furious." The sweet name rolled off his tongue, making you quiver when paired with his teasing licks over your soaked panties.

He paid no attention to your face, his main focus being on the slickness accumulating from your dripping hole. His hands traced up over the stretch marks gently decorating your skin so beautifully before burning off the panties, his tongue grazing the soaked slit before sliding his tongue up to your neglected clit. His mouth was warm and wet against your sensitive bud, making it grow under his expert tongue his suckling sent waves of pleasure coursing through your entire body, and core. The entire room felt hot, and it wasn't helping wherever his hands traced left heated burn trails. You'd run your fingers into hair, yanking it to where his tongue pressed against your hole. "Dabi, please I want it. . ."

"Shut it, I'm still pissed at you." He'd yank your arms away again, pressing his tongue into your hole. Your flavor flooded his tongue, making him lick and devour you hungrily. Your eyes rolled back, your hips subconsciously bucking against his tongue as it buried into your wet hole. Ecstasy, that's all you could describe the feeling at this moment. The waves of heat that swallowed you and threatened to keep you at this moment while your climax built up in that tight ball. You panted like a bitch in heat, your legs trembling as your fingers intertwined in his black hair. "Dabi, I'm. . . .I'm-!"

"Shut up, loud-ass slut. Come if you wanna come so bad!"

He'd say before continuing to devour you, his tongue digging into your spot just enough to send you tottering over the edge in waves of heat. You'd throw your head back, sending your curls flying wildly behind you as you rode out your orgasm and Dabi's face. Your legs closed around his head like a vice, keeping his tongue in your hole while he drank you greedily. He moaned into your nether lips, finally able to pull away with an exasperated breath.

His lips and chin were a mess of your nectar and saliva, but a smirk was on his face now. He'd notice his jacket hidden poorly, but laugh as he moved to take it and pull it on. He'd once again hoist you over his shoulder, humming as he slid his fingers along the walls setting them ablaze. "Dabi-?! What are you doing?! My apartment!" "I let you have too much freedom last time, but don't worry. I'll make it so that I'm the only one you can lean on. Then you'll never leave again."

He'd laugh as he carried you away, ignoring your cries and pleas while the building went up in flames along with everything you'd known up until now. His sick, twisted laughter filled your ears before you felt a hard force against your head, the inky blackness flooding your senses and knocking you out.

#bnha dabi #mha dabi #dabi lemon #Dabi #dabi smut #dabi my hero academia #bnha #dabi x reader #dabi fluff

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years

Text

Different but the Same (pt. 8)

tw: chaos?, insecurities, discussion of My Hero Academia (spoilers for season 4)

Word count: 2.9k

Rating: R18+/M

Omegaverse AU, Rating: 18+/M

Pairings: Iwaizumi x fem!reader, Ushijima x fem!reader

Summary: An unexpected encounter at the Inter-High tournament tossed you into a whirlwind. Being tugged between two males, two different packs, who will reign supreme in this battle for your heart?

Masterlist | prev | next

ch. 8: Tokyo - Day One

“Name-san.”

“Huh?” Her eyes pried open as she shifted uncomfortably. She had been slumped against Ushijima.

“We have arrived.”

A yawn interrupted her as she sat up. “Sorry,” another yawn, “Ushijima-san.”

“It’s okay. We need to get off the bus now.”

“Right!” She shook her head, standing up and stretching. The bus ride to Tokyo had been long. Despite leaving mid-day and beginning the trip in a rowdy manner, most people had also succumbed to sleep and were just waking up.

“Sleep well, princess?” Semi teased from behind her, leaning over to ruffle her hair. She playfully nipped at his fingers, pushing his hand off her head.

“Of course, I had the best pillow,” she replied, nudging Ushijima. They disembarked, the Omega helping lead the efforts to unload the luggage while Coach Washijo and Saito left to go check into the hotel.

“Omega!” Coach Washijo called from the entrance.

“Duty calls,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Can you make sure they finish unloading, Ushijima-san?”

“Of course.”

The Omega walked towards the coaches who handed her a clipboard with room assignments and keys. “Pass these out to the boys,” Washijo ordered before he picked up his own bags to shuffle to his own room.

“After everyone is settled, they will be able to go explore Tokyo,” Saito explained. “They know their food budgets, but remind them to keep their receipts. Hotel curfew will be at 10 PM. They must be in their own rooms by midnight at the very latest. Wake-up calls will begin at 6 AM.” Saito shrugged. “Washijo would prefer if they were in their rooms by hotel curfew, but they should be allowed to have some fun.” He smiled. “Take care of them, okay?”

She nodded, flicking through the papers. “Thank you, Coach. What will you be doing?”

Saito grinned mischievously, “I’ll be meeting up with some of the coaches and we’ll be out late.” He pressed a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell anyone.”

The Omega giggled. “Your secret is safe with me, Coach.” She walked back out to the bus where the boys were loitering around. “Alright boys!” She called, waving them to her. After relaying the important information to the boys, they all split off into their room groupings. (Name) glanced back up at the hotel once again, letting out a low whistle. Of course a powerhouse school like Shiratorizawa could afford such a fancy hotel.

“Let me carry that.” Ushijima scooped up her luggage, carrying it towards the hotel for her. She blinked, shock temporarily holding her in place. After realizing what had just happened, she ran after him.

“Wait! You don’t have to do that!” She called. Ushijima stood by the elevator, waiting for it to arrive. Semi and Tendou were with him.

“It’s not a bother.”

“That’s not it,” she scowled. “I’m not even on the same floor as you guys.” She had been placed on a separate floor in order to provide her some space from the team.

“All we’re doing is dropping stuff off, right?” Tendou interjected, shrugging. “So we can go to your floor, then ours, then out to dinner!” He grinned. The elevator dinged, opening up for them.

(Name) rolled her eyes, sulking in the corner. There was no sense in arguing with Ushijima, let alone three Alphas. “Alright fine.”

****

The Omega sighed loudly as she collapsed onto her bed. (Name) had to admit, she was having a lot of fun with the pack. Considering the issues between Seijoh and Shiratorizawa, she had anticipated more conflict involving her and her loyalties but everyone had been genuinely considerate and inclusive. Of course, the pack was almost as chaotic as Seijoh, if not more.

“(Name)-san! Sit next to me!” Goshiki bounced, patting at the empty seat beside him. The Omega laughed, slipping into the seat. Semi took the seat beside her. Ushijima stood, eyes flashing before he took the seat directly across from her. Tendou sat facing Goshiki and Hayato was across from Semi. The team had decided to eat at a local monja shop, but due to the sheer size of their group, had been split up into separate groups.

“Man, the food smells so good!” Hayato praised, practically drooling as he sniffed the air.

“It is highly-rated on Welp,” Semi commented, eyes scanning the menu. The Omega glanced around, ensuring that everyone was comfortably seated. Their table quickly placed their orders, leading room for discussion.

“Bakugou deserves to be number one hero!” Tendou argued, hands gesturing in eccentric flourishes. The other boys rolled their eyes, not really following along with the conversation. They were well used to Tendou’s random anime rants.

“He works hard, but he needs to fix his attitude,” the Omega replied, eyes on her menu. “But Mirio definitely deserved One for All.”

“Yes!” Tendou screeched, causing heads to fly up and look at their table.

“Tendou, calm down,” Semi scowled. “Don’t get us kicked out.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Tendou grinned, throwing his hands up with a flourish only to knock the tray out of the waiter’s hands. He blanched. “I’m so sorry.”

(Name) face-palmed. “I’m going to go check on the others,” she muttered, standing up and walking away from the table. She approached the table with Taichi and Shirabu, looking for refuge while Tendou scrambled to help clean up the mess that he had made. There, she found Shirabu and Taichi arguing about something and due to their distraction, led to their monja burning. After scolding them, she assigned Reon to be in charge of their table. Of course, once she got back to the ‘mature’ table, she had found Tendou mixing all of the ingredients for all of the different monja types to create a behemoth that ended up burnt at the bottom and undercooked at the top. By that point, she decided to ban Tendou from touching anything and only allowed Semi, Ushijima, and herself to take care of it. Hayato was assigned to monitor Tendou, who had moved on to teasing Goshiki.

She rolled onto her side, looking at her phone. It wasn’t often that she and Iwaizumi were separated, so it felt weird to be alone in her room. (Name) let out a soft sigh. At least it would only be for a few days. She sniffed her over-sized shirt, comforted by the familiar pine scent that clung to it.

Just as she was about to unlock it, a video-call came in. She sat up, excited. “Hello?”

“Hey love.” Iwaizumi was laying in their bed, propped up against the headboard as he looked down at his laptop.

“Haji!” Her grin was massive. He let out a soft chuckle, smiling at the sight.

“How are you doing baby?”

She fell back onto the bed, all stress and tension releasing from her body. “I’m okay. We just got back from dinner.” He hummed in response. “How are things back home?”

“Not bad,” he replied, shifting the laptop to get more comfortable. A pause. “I miss you.”

His hoarse whisper caused sadness to bubble up. “I miss you too,” she admitted, fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket. “I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you beside me.”

Iwaizumi chuckled, looking around their bedroom. “Me too babe.” They remained quiet for a moment. She just enjoyed being able to hear his breathing and to see his face. He cleared his throat, “what time do you have to be up tomorrow?”

“6. You?”

“The usual.” Iwaizumi and Omega typically got up at 5. While Iwaizumi was on his morning run, (Name) would prepare breakfast and lunch. Later that evening, the Alpha would make dinner. “I should let you go get some rest. I’m sure you’re tired after all that travel.”

She pouted slightly, “but I wanna talk to you longer.”

“You’re such a cheese-ball, you know that?” He chuckled. “It’s okay babe. The sooner you’re finished with your trip, the sooner you’ll be in my arms again.” He glanced at the time. “I’ll meet you on-campus once you get back, okay?”

“Okay,” she sulked. “I love you.”

“I love you too babe.” She kissed her fingers before placing it onto the camera. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes before indulging her and doing the same. “Good night, sweet dreams.”

“Only if you’re in them,” she chirped. “Good night Haji.” The phone chimed as the call ended. She sighed, letting her phone slip from her fingers as she threw an arm over her eyes. Just as she was about to doze off, a knock at her door shook her away. (Name) stood up, tugging on a pair of sweats. She’d just been in one of Iwaizumi’s shirts and her panties. Her brow furrowed as she opened the door. “Can I help you?”

“Come hangout! The night is still young.”

Her face scrunched up. “Do you never run out of energy?”

“Nope!” He grinned, tugging on her hand. “C’mon, Omega-chan. We rarely ever get a chance to hangout.”

(Name) glanced at her phone. There were still a few hours before curfew. Pinching her nose, she sighed. “Alright, I’ll hang-out for a bit. But I most definitely need to sleep early today, okay?”

“That’s fine!”

She held her pinky up to him. “Promise me you won’t try to convince me to stay later than I want to.”

“I swear!”

****

Sleeping early ended up being a lie. It was already past midnight by the time she realized how late it was getting. “Tendou!” She shrieked, throwing her cards down. “I should already be in my room!”

Tendou cackled, looking up at the panicked Omega. “It’s fine (Name). You’re already here, you might as well stay longer.”

She crossed her arms, pouting. “I’m going to get in trouble with Washijo.” She shivered. The males grimaced. The last thing anyone wanted was to get in trouble with Washijo, who already had a gripe with the Omega.

“Just a little longer,” Tendou pleaded, kneeling with his lip jutting out as he clasped his hands together. She looked around the room. Semi just shrugged when she met his eyes, and Ushijima had a stoic expression.

“If I get in trouble, I’m blaming you guys,” she scowled, folding her arms.

“Well, I’m going to head back to my room. Don’t stay up too late,” Semi smiled, ruffling her hair as he stood up.

“Semi-Semi is no fun,” Tendou complained, crossing his arms before Semi gave a final wave good night and walked towards the door.

“How come Semi can leave and I can’t?”

“Because we like you.” Tendou fired back, smirking.

“I heard that!” Semi warned, scowling before he shut the door behind him.

Luckily, Tendou’s energy burnt out soon enough. Within an hour, he was snoring gently into the Omega’s lap as he curled into her warmth. Ushijima sat beside her, looking down between his friend and her. “Are you comfortable?”

She hummed, brushing red locks away from Tendou’s face. It relaxed under her touch, and he wriggled closer to the gentle caress. “I don’t mind,” she breathed, eyes twinkling with affection as she watched the middle-blocker. “He looks happy.” They remained in silence a moment longer. Ushijima took the time to scan the Omega, noting the small details on her face. The way the light caught her eyes, how her hair draped her face. “I’m sorry.”

Ushijima blinked. “What for?”

“For keeping you up.” Her eyes caught his as she sent him an apologetic look. “I’m sure you’d already be asleep if it weren’t for me.”

“I don’t mind. I like your company.” Ushijima shifted closer to her, their shoulders pressing together. Tendou shifted in his sleep, a soft sigh leaving his lips as his fingers wrapped around the Omega’s wrist. She lets his fingers slide down and slot themselves behind her fingers, watching silently. “Is that uncomfortable for you?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m used to it by now.”

“Used to it?”

“Mmhm.” Tendou squeezed her hand slightly, pulling it close to his chest. “The Seijoh pack is really physically affectionate.” Ushijima remained silent, a spark of irritation flickering internally. He knew they had history. He knew their packs were different. But still, why? Why did it make him so uncomfortable to think about? His thoughts were interrupted when her head fell on his shoulder. He lurched slightly, head swiveling to look down at her.

Ushijima shifted slightly, making it more comfortable for her to rest on him. The silence was deafening. He searched for words, anything to distract from the steady rise and fall of her chest. “Do you like it here, (Name)-san?” Silently he added ‘with me’. She tilted her face up, hair cascading off of her face.

“With Shiratorizawa?” Ushijima nodded. (Name) offered him a soft smile. “Of course. You’ve all been so kind to me, and I appreciate everyone’s efforts to include me in pack activities.” He gave her another stiff nod in response, his eyes shifting back to Tendou as she tilted her face slightly to look up at the Alpha. “Ushijima-san?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For inviting me to be your manager. I’m having a really nice time.” She shifted, leaning more of her weight against his chest. (Name) hesitated. “It’s...been really nice getting to know you.”

“I appreciate you and all of the work you’ve done so far.” Their breathing synced up. His hand slowly moved up, wrapping around her shoulder and carding through her locks. Her eyes closed at the comforting sensation, nuzzling into the caress. “I’m grateful for the opportunity to get to know you.” They sat in silence a moment longer. He ached; he felt like he barely knew her. Rarely had he ever felt odd about something like that, but the almost suffocating silence clung to them too often when they were alone together. Ushijima swallowed, searching for words to fill the stagnating air. “What do you plan on doing after you graduate?”

She hummed, a hand still stroking through the red locks. “I plan on going to university. Maybe Tohoku? Or University of Tokyo. Whichever I can get into.”

“What do you want to study?”

“Haven’t really decided yet. I’ll probably end up doing business or something.”

Ushijima’s brow furrowed. “You don’t know?” Ever since he was a child, he had a dream of playing volleyball professionally. Not having a dream or ambition felt odd to him.

She let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, weird right?” She gave him a half-hearted smile. “I haven’t really had a chance to think about my future. I’ve always thought about being a stay-at-home mom, but I don’t think I’d be happy staying at home like that.”

“Why not?”

(Name) shifted, Ushijima’s arm falling off her shoulder to land loosely around her waist. “I’m used to being out and about as a manager. Taking care of people, y’know? If anything, I’d probably be happier being involved in sports still.”

“You can always be a team manager,” he offered. ‘You could always be my team manager.’

She chuckled, “maybe.”

Silence fell onto the couple. Ushijima’s fingers brushed against her soft skin, sending a warmth rippling through his body. He nosed her head, breathing in her gentle scent. He remained silent, letting her presence envelope him with the warmth of a summer sun. The spell broke as Tendou let out a groan, rubbing his eyes with both hands while still holding the Omega’s hand.

“What time is it?” Tendou slurred, sitting up and burying his face into the Omega’s shoulder.

(Name) giggled, rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s after 2, Tendou. I think it’s time for bed.” Her arms slipped under his armpits, scooping him up. He warbled in distress, clambering onto unsteady feet. The red-head slumped onto her, letting her guide him to his bed. She pulled the sheets back, letting Tendou slip off her shoulder under the covers. The male face-planted, and the Omega tucked him into the blanket, rolling him over so his face wasn’t pressed against the pillow. She brushed his vermillion hair away from his forehead, leaving a gentle kiss onto it. “Good night, Tendou. Sweet dreams.” He muttered a sleepy ‘good night’, dragging her hand down to his face so he could brush his lips against her knuckles. (Name) pulled away, grabbing her coat. “I should head back to my room now.”

“I’ll walk you.”

“You don’t-”

“I’ll walk you.”

She paused before smiling at Ushijima. “Okay.”

“Give me a moment.” (Name) walked to the door, waiting patiently for Ushijima. He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment, before coming back with a clean, wrapped lunchbox. Ushijima handed it to her, bowing. “Thank you for the curry. It was delicious.”

She took it back, beaming. “When did you even have a chance to eat it?”

He opened the door, a hand on the small of her back as he escorted her down the hall. “When you were sleeping.”

The Omega grimaced. “I hope I didn’t cause you too much trouble when I did that.” They waited for the elevator to slide open.

“I don’t mind. Not when it’s you.” Her eyes focused on the wrap, playing with the end of it as a boiling flush overtook her soft features. They stepped out, making their way to her door. She opened it, stepping in. “Good night, (Name)-san. I hope you sleep well.”

He nodded, spinning on his heel to make his way down the hall. “Ushijima-san?” She called in a soft whisper, poking her head out of the door.

Ushijima turned back, looking at her. “Yes?”

“You can call me (Name), I don’t mind.”

He hesitated before giving her a stiff nod. “Alright then, (Name).”

She smiled. “Good night Ushijima-san. Sweet dreams.”

FUN FACTS

💟 (Name) had started out sleeping on the window, but due to the bumpy nature of the ride, Ushijima had pulled her against him to protect her head

💟 Prior to (Name) becoming a manager, the Shiratorizawa pack didn’t go out much because they couldn’t be trusted to control themselves

💟 The last time Iwaizumi and (Name) had been separated for an extended period of time, she’d almost ended up in Omega depression. Oikawa and the other third-years had to sleep-over with her every night until Iwaizumi had returned from his trip

💟 Tendou had consumed three of the hotel’s complimentary espresso shots right after dinner

💟 Semi almost broke Tendou’s nose one time when he didn’t get enough sleep. Since then, there was a universal agreement to let Semi sleep whenever he wanted to

💟 The Shiratorizawa pack wasn’t very physically affectionate, and it would make (Name) miss the Seijoh pack even more. Tendou was the only one who noticed and would take the extra step to be more physically interactive with her

💟 Ushijima normally doesn’t mind when there’s silence or when there’s one person dominating the conversation. But he gets very uncomfortable when it’s a silence involving him and (Name)

💟 Though (Name) had been around Seijoh for so long, she wasn’t considered a manager. The Shiratorizawa pack had been so inviting that she feels at home with them

💟 Secretly, (Name) wasn’t sure if she could handle dealing with another pack of volleyball idiots

💟 Out of all of the Shiratorizawa third-years, (Name) was the most protective and mothering of Tendou

AN: I accidentally hit ‘post’ before this was ready, I’m sorry LMAO. Also, I’m kicking off ‘spicewithskye’ today! Please feel free to flood my inbox with thirst asks. Let me know who’s living in your head rent-free :P

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esmealux · 3 years

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The Devil Doesn’t Do Children

Part: 2 / ?

Setting: About a year after 5a

Word count: 3.5K

Rating: T

Summary: ‘I certainly did not choose to impregnate the Detective, Doctor!’ In which Lucifer doesn’t know how to cope and goes to see the one person who might be able to help him.

Warnings: Mention of death, murder (and, quite indirectly, foeticide)

When Chloe parks the car a little outside the film set, Lucifer has finally got his thoughts and the threatening sensation in his chest under control. He had stared silently out of the window the entire ride, calculating, weighing the different possibilities; which one was more likely—him impregnating her after being sterile since the dawn of time, or her getting food poisoning from a hole in the wall filthier than medieval England? The latter. Definitely the latter. It is the only logical—nay, possible explanation. He has no doubt.

But then she asks him to get her a gum from her glove box (she still has a bad taste in her mouth), and when he looks inside the small space to find the pack she always keeps there, something catches his eye, something pink and flat, something he usually associates with mood swings and five days of limited access—something that reminds him she’s more than a week late.

He grabs the gum between his fingers and hands it to her, smacking the glove box shut as if it will erase what he just saw and the distressing epiphany it led to. He searches for alternate explanations in his panicking mind, something, anything, that will ease his returned and now stronger fear that she’s… That they’re… But he comes up with nothing. Just obscure theories that even he will admit are far-fetched.

He doesn’t say anything—not because he knows she doesn’t want to have the conversation on their way to talk to a potential suspect, but because he can’t. So he just follows after her like a lost puppy, until they’re suddenly sitting in a cramped trailer, facing former child-star, current man-child Max Steinfeld.

‘Why did you walk away when we asked you about Laura?’ Chloe asks the actor. He had fled? Lucifer hadn’t noticed. Then again, he’s not entirely sure he would have remembered if they’d been in a car chase, or a gunfire.

The sad example of a man slides a tabloid towards them in response to the Detective’s question. The front page shows a picture (undoubtedly shot by a paparazzo) of him and Riley walking down the street hand in hand, smiles plastered on their polished Hollywood faces. Next to the headline promising insight in ‘all the details about the magical wedding,’ there’s a close-up of an offensively distasteful diamond ring.

Lucifer sees a chance at escaping the cacophony of disturbing thoughts in his head and takes it. ‘What, because you’re marrying Miss Riley and didn’t want a murder case spoiling your-’ he takes the magazine and swiftly flips through the pages till he finds the right one, ‘uber-romantic seaside wedding? Is that it?’ Lucifer leans a little forward and stares intensely into the man’s eyes, his best cheshire grin playing on his lips. ‘Come now, Maximillian, what is it you truly desire?’

‘I…,’ he begins, not blinking as he’s sucked into Lucifer’s stare, ‘I want to stop pretending.’

‘Pretending that you didn’t kill an innocent woman because you put a bun in her oven?’

Steinfeld’s brows draw together in confusion before they arch up in worry and disbelief. ‘Laura’s… dead?’

Lucifer’s just about to call him out on his charades, when the Detective jumps in and confirms that she was found in her home, stabbed to death.

Max’ face turns white. His jaw goes slack. Then a cry of raw agony fills the confined space.

Once Steinfeld has calmed down enough to continue the conversation, Chloe decides to go easy on him and begins by asking him where he was between 9 and 10 PM last night.

‘With Moni,’ he says, looking almost ashamed. ‘I had a date with Laura—we were gonna see each other for the first time in weeks—but she didn’t turn up. I figured she was still mad.’

‘Mad?’ Chloe prompts him to elaborate.

‘Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly handle the whole pregnancy-thing very well. I couldn’t- I just- I panicked.’

‘So you killed her,’ her partner concludes beside her. She gives him a stern look and a reprimanding ‘Lucifer.’ He ignores her.

‘No! I would never hurt her! I love her,’ Steinfeld tells them, all kinds of emotions swimming in his eyes. ‘But when she told me, I just couldn’t… deal with it, so I ignored her, for five weeks. One thing was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m-’—he gulps and takes a deep breath—‘was gonna be a dad, but I also had no idea how I was gonna tell them.’

Chloe is just about to ask who he means by ‘them’ when Lucifer opens his mouth. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, my mistake. I’ll refer to them as Mx Riley from now on.’ He sounds genuinely apologetical. Chloe side-eyes him, confused.

‘What? No,’—Steinfeld shakes his head—‘Moni goes by “she”. I meant the studio. They made us sign a contract at the beginning of production in which we agreed to pretend to be a couple in public to-’

‘Build hype around the movie, sell more tickets and boost your personal career?’ Chloe finishes. She’s familiar with the concept.

‘Yeah, something like that,’ Steinfeld mutters and rubs his brow, his hand still visibly shaking from the shock. ‘But I was growing tired of it. I like Moni, she’s one of my best friends, but nothing more than that, and what I had with Laura was so… real. It was all pretty new, but she made me happy. I wanted her in my life—to share my life with her. Still, I was nowhere near ready to have a baby with her, to become a dad! I mean, I still have a bad reputation in the business, I’ve spent all my savings on drugs and alcohol and a mansion I can’t afford, and sometimes I get so stressed I don’t eat for days. How am I supposed to take care of a kid?’ His voice is laced with frustration and tears stream down his stubbled cheeks. She expects Lucifer to scoff at the ‘dramatics’, or at least show some kind of disapproval of the emotional display, but he doesn’t.

‘Look, I get it,’ Chloe says, laying her arms on the table. ‘When I was pregnant, me and my ex-husband were absolutely terrified too.’

She senses Lucifer looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She’s not sure why, or what it means, so she ignores him and continues.

‘Is that why you did it? Did you go to her place when she didn’t show up for your date and then when she brought up the baby you lost your temper? You got scared?’ She wills her voice to be calm, knowing the man is vulnerable.

Max frantically shakes his head. ‘No! No, more the opposite! I was gonna tell her that I loved her and that I was gonna try. That’s why I went to Simone’s when she didn’t show up. Moni knew about Laura, what she meant to me, so I went to her to talk about how we could escape this fucked-up PR stunt controlling our lives,’ he points angrily to the smiling picture of him and Riley on the cover of the tabloid, still on the table. When he continues, his voice is calmer, but also more emotional, ‘so we could be free, and I could do right by Laura… and our baby.’

Chloe turns to look at Lucifer—to see if he, too, believes Steinfeld is innocent—only to discover that her partner is glowering at the now frightened man across from them. Lucifer is breathing heavily, his fist clenched between them, his knuckles white. His voice is sharp and venomous when he speaks, almost hisses, ‘How exactly were you gonna do right by them? How could you just accept that you were gonna be a… a father, even when you knew, in every cell of your damned body, that you couldn’t?’

He’s standing now, his tall frame shaking, heat rolling off him. She reaches for his hand to calm him down (Steinfeld has faced enough trauma today as it is), but he quickly draws it back, as if he’s burnt by her touch. His eyes remain brown and his face smooth and tan, anthropomorphic—still, a lump settles in her throat. Before she can say anything, he speaks again, his voice lower now, only a few octaves from demonic and flaming with something she can only describe as wrath. Wrath and pain. ‘How could you ever pretend to love something you never wanted?’

He storms out of the trailer, surprisingly elegantly considering his emotional state. She excuses herself to Steinfeld and rushes out to talk to her partner, comfort him, ask him what the Hell is going on.

But he’s gone.

Vanished.

Sighing, she bends down to pick up a large, silky feather from the ground.

The door bursts open, the hinges shrieking in protest as it slams against the wall and knocks down a picture frame in the process. Linda takes a deep breath and slowly turns around to face her intruder. ‘Lucifer, what have I told you about barging-’

The words get stuck in her throat when she sees him. His hair is dishevelled, his clothes wrinkled and disarranged. A dash of colour is missing where a pocket square usually sits and completes his outfit—whether he lost it without noticing or he didn’t pick one out in the first place, she can’t tell, but either way, it’s concerning. Even more so when combined with his face. Oh God, his face. He looks pale, too pale—ghostlike. His pupils are mere specks, his eyes manic. His chest heaves rapidly as he takes in short, ragged breaths.

Last time she saw Lucifer in a state similarly chaotic, dark, leathery wings were sticking out of his back. Before she can ask him what’s wrong, his tremulous voice fills her office.

‘The Detective’s pregnant.’

Not what she’d expected, but his reaction seems about right.

She goes to his side to help him sit down on the couch, pours him a glass of water, and doesn’t sit down till she’s made sure he’s drunk some. Once in her chair, she takes a deep breath, partly to prepare herself for the incoming conversation and partly to make Lucifer mirror her so they can get some oxygen to his head. She’s not sure if angels can pass out, but she’s not gonna take the risk.

‘Okay,’ she says calmly, ‘and how do you feel about it?’ The question sounds kind of absurd as he’s sitting there, practically radiating distress. Nevertheless, he needs to put his feelings into words.

‘How do you think I feel about it, Doctor?’ he growls.

She doesn’t answer that. Instead, she looks at him with a slight smile and raised eyebrows, inviting him to tell her.

‘I feel betrayed, for one,’ he spits, feeding her plant with the sparkling water she’s provided him—before emptying his flask into the glass and taking a large gulp.

‘By whom?’ she asks.

He glares at her and takes another sip. ‘My father, obviously.’

Linda suppresses a sigh of frustration. She’d thought God coming to Earth and their subsequent bonding time had finally made Lucifer bury his manipulative daddy issues. Guess she was wrong. ‘What do you think your father has to do with Chloe getting pregnant?’ She doesn’t miss how he winces at the last three words before his face sets into taut lines.

‘Oh, I don’t know, Doctor.’ His voice is thick with sarcasm. ‘I mean, it’s not like he has ever sent down one of his pathetic thralls to “bless” a barren couple with a spawn.’

‘How are you so sure you’re infertile?’ she asks him with narrowed eyes, leaning back in her chair. They’d thought Amenadiel was infertile, but she has 31 pounds of pure joy at home to disprove that.

‘Well, it’s simple maths,’ he replies. She gives him a curious and mildly sceptical look, and he leans forward, putting his now half-empty glass down on the table. ‘Right, I’ve been practicing safe sex since the first ever condom came about—you know, for the sake of my lovers’ health—but condoms are only 98% effective at preventing conception, and the ancient prototypes were much worse, which means that, had I not been sterile, I would have fathered one hundred thousand children, give or take, throughout history, and I haven’t. I would have noticed; they would have flocked around me like little rats to get a piece of my fortune every time I appeared on Earth. Ergo, infertile.” He gestures towards his crotch with a dead-serious expression.

‘Right,’ she says, forcing herself to look at his face. ‘And what makes you think that that trait, or whatever you wanna call it-’

‘I call it a blessing,’ he interrupts her, the slightest glint in his eye as he peers at her from over the brim of the drinking glass.

‘What makes you think it’s everlasting?’ she asks him, a theory suddenly forming in her mind.

He furrows his brow. ‘Beg your pardon?’

‘Well, you’re not completely immortal anymore,’ she reminds him, her eyes shifting to his thigh where his first (not self-induced) scar is covered by his creased suit pants. He sends her a hurt look. ‘What a positively shitty way of trying to cheer me up,’ he huffs before downing the remaining liquor.

‘What I mean is,’ she begins to clarify, ‘what if your infertility is like your immortality?’ She lets the words sink in before she continues, ‘What if your aversion to having children, to becoming a dad, has affected your ability to physically father a child? But just like you chose to be vulnerable around Chloe, you’re now choosing to have a baby with her, to grow your family.’

He scoffs, almost laughs, but there’s no trace of humour in it. Only torment. ‘I certainly did not choose to impregnate the Detective, Doctor!’

‘Maybe not on a conscious level,’ she argues. ‘But maybe after the personal development you’ve been through, after seeing you’re worthy of being loved, not just by Chloe but also by Trixie, you’re finally realising, somewhere deep inside, that you’re also worthy of being someone’s dad.’

‘That is…’ he whispers, gazing out into empty air with a thoughtful expression, only to ultimately conclude, ‘absolutely preposterous!’ He sends her a dirty look, as if he’s accusing her of humbug. ‘I don’t want to be someone’s dad, Doctor—I don’t want a baby! The Devil doesn’t do children. I despise them. Always have. You know that.’

‘That doesn’t mean you always will. I mean, do you despise Charlie?’ She waits a couple of beats, watching him intently. ‘Do you despise Trixie?’ She nods in the direction of his chest, knowing his phone is in his breast pocket, nestled against his heart, the screen lighting up with a picture of himself and his two favourite girls every time he gets a notification.

‘Your son appreciates my devil face,’ he defends, ‘and the Detective and her offspring are a package deal.’ Linda knows he tries to appear indifferent, but he can’t hide the fondness suddenly twinkling in his eyes. If Linda wasn’t sure before, she’s now absolutely positive that Lucifer loves Trixie nearly as much as he loves her mother. She sees it all the time; it’s in the way his eyes flash red with hellfire when Trixie is hurt or sad; it’s in the way his chest puffs out with pride whenever he talks about her; it’s in his jealous stare when she and Dan laugh at an inside joke; it’s in his jubilant eyes when he’s the one who makes her laugh; it’s in the immense effort he constantly makes to always be there for her, to never disappoint her.

‘You might call them a package deal, Lucifer,’ she says softly, making him look at her, ‘but they call you family.’

He’s snatched the empty glass from the table and is now nursing it in his hand, unintentionally mimicking his nephew with his security blanket. His eyes are downcast, but she can tell his heart swells at the mention of the F-word. He’d dropped by her place about a month ago, shock all over his face. ‘The urchin referred to me as her family,’ he’d said. Linda had smiled and replied with a simple ‘Of course she did’. As narcissistic and self-indulgent as he is, he is surprisingly oblivious to other people’s affection for him. Then again, what else could you expect from a person who was abandoned by his parents, literally pushed into the abyss, and for eons deprived of any kind of love?

With Lucifer’s background in mind, Linda steers the conversation back to his feelings about Chloe being pregnant. ‘If you’re being completely honest with yourself, Lucifer,’—she stares at him until he lifts his head and looks her in the eyes—‘what do you think is the main reason you’re having this reaction to Chloe being pregnant? Is it because you don’t want children?’ She lets him think for a couple of seconds before adding, ‘Or is it because you’re afraid you’ll let your child down like your dad let you down?’

Sadness flashes across his still ashen face before the muscle in his jaw flexes and hot fury fills up his eyes. ‘My father didn’t let me down,’ he snarls, putting the glass down with an alarming clank, ‘He banished me from my home and sent me to Hell—after my mother wouldn’t let him kill me! No words cover that immense extent of neglect, Doctor. That cosmic measure of betrayal!’ His voice is shrill and rough as he shouts the last word, accompanied by the jarring sound of the drinking glass shattering to a million pieces as it collides with the wall behind her.

Lucifer takes a few heavy breaths and, once he’s gotten his anger somewhat under control, pointlessly adjusts his jacket and straightens his spine. ‘No one should have to endure even a fraction of that,’ he tells her, appearing strangely remorseful. ‘Especially not an innocent child.’

And there it is.

‘You are not your dad, Lucifer,’ she reminds him. ‘Or your mom. You’re not gonna abandon your child. You’re not gonna hurt them.’ She waits till he looks up at her (his brown eyes are so sad it makes her chest ache) before she says, ‘You’re gonna love them with every piece of your heart and go to the ends of the earth, or Hell, to protect them, because that is who you are. Maybe you weren’t that person when you cut your wings off on the beach eleven years ago, and maybe not even when you first started assisting the LAPD. But that’s who you are now. Just ask Chloe and Trixie.’ She would add all the other people around him who know this to be true, who know him, but there are only two people whose opinions matter to him in this case.

He doesn’t answer. His lips part, a smidgen of hope and belief appearing in the sea of fear in his eyes.

‘You referred to it as a “blessing” before, the fact that you couldn’t have children.’ He grimaces at the past tense. ‘Based on that, I assume you think having a child would be a curse?’

He raises an eyebrow, questioning her intelligence.

‘Right. But why do you think that is? I mean, if you think about it, is it really so bad that you and Chloe are having a baby? Someone who’s a beautiful mix of the two you, created out of your love for each other?’

He stops tending an invisible spot on her couch to look up at her. Colour has returned to his face, and the anger from before is gone; only a crease of worry remains. He looks tentative, but not scared to his core like earlier, his gaze warm and soft.

‘I…’ he says, musing. After a few seconds of silence, he answers, ‘To be frank, Doctor, I don’t know.’ His lips settle into a crooked line, stuck between a smile and a frown.

Linda lifts a friendly brow, her own lips tugging up at the corners. ‘Can’t know till you try, right?’

‘Right,’ he admits. It’s still not exactly a smile she sees on his face, but it’s close enough.

‘Have you talked to Chloe about all this?’ she asks him.

‘I haven’t, no. Do you think I should?’

Linda blinks, a little dumbfounded he’s even considering it an option not to talk about his fears with the woman who’s carrying his baby.

‘I’m joking,’ he says then, the smallest of smirks playing on his lips. ‘Of course I’m gonna talk to her! I just thought it best to, you know, sort out my own thoughts on the matter first.’

‘Oh,’ she mutters, realising she might not give him enough credit. He really has come a long way since their first session. ‘That’s very mature of you, Lucifer,’ she praises him.

The minuscule smirk from before spreads out into his cheshire grin. ‘What can I say? All good people know everything below an M-rating is boring and worthless.’

He smooths his pants over his thighs and checks his cuffs before standing and walking to the door. Just before he leaves, he turns to her with newfound courage in his eyes and says, ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a detective I need to have a chat with.’

Part I | Part III | Part IV (coming soon)

#deckerstar fanfiction #writing #The Devil Doesn't Do Children #lucifer x chloe #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #dr linda martin #lucifer goes to therapy #hurt comfort #pregnancy #murder case #trixie espinoza #post 5a #established #angst #deckerstar #lucifer on netflix #lucifer fanfiction

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ohmyitsfaith · 4 years

Text

50 days of learning love/Part 4

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: Stressing is caring. Five is away and you’re afraid something bad is going to happen to him. Eventually, it does. Which is followed by a bunch of arguments.

Warnings: I guess angst and the usual swearing?

Word count: 2.9k

A/n: I know this took so long! I’m sorry... But I hope you enjoyed it!

You were pacing around. You didn’t know why, but you felt like something was going to happen. But you couldn’t do anything.

“Oh, Five. Please be okay...” you murmured.

Meanwhile our grumpy time traveler was walking around while talking to Delores about anything and everything.

“You know Delores, they’re not as bad as I thought before” he said, talking about you.

Delores was just looking at him.

“No, I don’t feel anything but friendly... I mean... I like them as a person. They’re friendly and they care about me. Well, us” he said, thinking. “And they’re the first person who hugged me. Other than Vanya. They’re the first person who ever really cared about me. The first time I felt loved. Well... cared for.”

Delores was still staring at him, without saying a word, but he heard her question: “Will you ask them to help you?”

“No, I don’t think I will. They never showed any potential for knowing such math and physics. I don’t mean that they aren’t smart...” he stopped, not knowing what to say.

“Why are you so defensive? They can’t hear you nor see you. Plus you didn’t say anything bad” Delores ‘said’.

“I’m not defensive!” he said defensively and then realized what he did. “I... I mean...” he stuttered, then his face hardened. “Why are we even talking about this? You don’t like them!”

“I don’t, but you do” Delores replied which shut Five up.

True he thought. I do like them. They’re the first person who I can call my friend.

“The question here is...” Delores started. “Do you like them more than a friend?” she asked.

Five stopped in his tracks. He looked at Delores, but only a mannequin stared back. For the first time in years, he saw Delores for what she was. Only a mannequin.

And so went the sixteenth day and night.

The next day you were mad. You didn't know why, but you were. Maybe the fact that Five was nowhere to be found. He promised he'd be there by the next day. But he wasn't. You didn't know what was going on with him and that kinda scared you. The day was lonely, and not knowing what to do, you just sat on the mattress, hoping the day would go by fast. You were trying to keep yourself entertained. And that’s when your imaginary friend decided to pop in.

“I thought you were done with me” they ‘said’.

“I mean I didn’t invite you. That was you” you pointed out.

“Yet here I am. And you’re talking to me” they sat down next to you.

“I forgot how annoying you were” you sighed.

“Oh, you love me. Anyway. The weather is nice today.”

“Seriously? You couldn’t come up with a better conversation?” you looked to where they could be.

“Hey, don’t blame me! Blame your head! I’m there” they smiled.

“I wish you wouldn’t be” you sighed, putting down the stick you were holding.

“Oh, come on. You like having me around” they said in a sarcastic tone.

“Just leave me alone” you rolled your eyes.

“But then you’ll be alone. Do you want to be alone, Y/n?” they pouted, acting like a baby.

“You’re just a voice, my brain made up so I don’t go crazy from the loneliness. I made you up and after the fourth year I swore to myself that I’m never going to listen to you again.”

“You’re lonely, admit it. You need someone to talk to” the voice said.

“Just because I’m alone, doesn’t mean that I’m lonely” you said lifting your head confidently.

The voice disappeared and you were left alone with your thoughts again.

“Five, when you get back, I won’t admit that I missed you” you swore to yourself and lay down.

Five on the other hand was dealing with the loss of Delores. For years, she was his only companion, the only person he could talk to and now the image of her kept flickering out. It hurt him, since he was losing something very important to him, but he didn’t know what to do. He tried not to think of you since that seemed to be the problem, but that turned out to be harder than he originally thought. He felt lonely again. But at least he found what he was looking for.

On the way back, he stopped at some point. He knew the time has come.

“I’m sorry, Five” she ‘said’ in a sad voice.

“I’m sorry too” he whispered, holding the mannequin close to him for the last time. “I wish things could be different-”

“Never wish yourself loneliness again, Five” she whispered.

A few tears fell down on his face, but climbed through the ruins and put Delores on top of it all. As he tried to climb back, his tears blurred his vision and he tripped on something and fell. His knees and hands hurt as did his face. He felt blood run down on his cheek.

“Oh no” he groaned.

He got up with a groan and started towards the place you were staying at. He tried to wipe the blood off without getting it infected. He was sad and hurt and he was unsure of what will happen once he saw you. Or you saw him. The sun had already set, but he knew he was close so he didn’t stop, instead he kept walking, hoping he’d reach the spot as soon as possible. He was getting very tired, his hands and knees burnt like hell, but he kept walking, determined to reach you and finally lie down on the semi-comfortable mattress.

And so went the seventeenth day and night.

You jolted awake as you heard a groan close to you. Opening your eyes, you looked around and saw a very tired, very annoyed Five. You literally jumped up and went to him.

“Five, Jesus, are you alright?” you asked immediately looking for injuries which you found right on his cheek.

“No” he groaned. “I just lost her, injured myself and also I’m stuck in a fucking post-apocalyptic world with literally not another being except for some weird, super-powered girl, who somehow survived the fucking apocalypse that no one else did” he ranted.

He was rude and you were taken aback by it, but you didn’t mention it. You saw how hurt he was, so you just let him let out his inner hurt. Without saying a word, you sat him down on the mattress and you took out a cloth and wiped the blood from his face.

“I can’t believe she’s gone” he murmured, looking down on his hands.

“What happened?” you asked softly.

“That’s none of your business” he snapped.

“Well aren’t you rude today?!” you asked, your patience snapping. “It wasn’t easy here either! You were gone, I was alone for days and you stumbled back in the middle of the night, injured! And I understand it. You lost a lot, but I did too!” you looked him deep in the eyes.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through” he spoke through his teeth.

“And what is your plan? Dying?” you asked.

“Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing” he murmured.

Seriously? When you’re so close to figuring it all out?” you raise your voice.

“Why do you care?” he asks in a voice that indicates he’s giving up.

“Maybe I like having you alive, ever thought of that?” you asked sadly.

He looked at you, shocked, but you shook your head and got up. You walked to the place next to the fire place. You lay down and turned your back to Five. You tried to sleep but to no avail. So you just lay there hoping sleep would come to you before the sun came up.

But that was wishful thinking as the sun came up whitin a few hours. You turned around and saw Five sleeping with him facing towards your way. He looked peaceful and you would’ve said cute if you weren’t mad at him for the evening thing. You turned away, got up and started practicing your powers like you’ve done in the few days. You figured it could be of great use any time so you just did that.

Hours later you heard Five waking up with a groan. You didn’t turn around even when he mumbled a ‘Good morning’. Five just sighed and worked on the equation in silence. In the middle of the day you ate in silence then you both went back to your own tasks. After a while you stopped practicing and started drawing in the sand. The day went by in silence without speaking to the other. You were upset with Five and Five... well he was just upset in general. He lost Delores, and now you with his rudeness. He felt awful but didn’t know what to do. Should he apologize? Probably. Could he do that? He never did that. It just wasn’t like him and he didn’t know how to do that. So he just stayed quiet.

And so wnt the eighteenth day and night.

Five was getting annoyed with your silent treatment, so he decided that he was gonna do something nice. Maybe he would break your silence that way. So he planned on helping with the dinner fire. He knew that it’s all your problem, it has been since you found each other. His best choice was this. And so he did that.

When you went on your daily walk around the small place, he waited until you were out of sight, he started on his mission. He got the wood and tried to start a fire. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to start it. After that he got the dinners and started to warm them.

The sun had set by the time you got back. You saw the fire and as you got closer, you saw Five sitting there with the two plates. When he noticed you, he got up and you just looked at each other for a bit. Then he offered you one of the plates and the place next to him. You took the plate with a silent thank you and sat next to him. You ate in silence, but you felt Five glance at you from time to time. You let it happen a few times, until you got really annoyed.

“Do you ever apologize or are you just that much of an asshole?” you asked looking at him, shocking him.

“T-this was my apology” he said, shocked.

“I can see that you weren’t taught saying sorry” you glared at him.

“Wha- I did this for you!” he said, getting annoyed.

“I didn’t ask you to do this!” you snapped back.

“Well you didn’t have to! I tried to do something nice for you so you would stop giving me the silent treatment, but it looks like nothing’s good enough for you!” his patience snapped and now you two were in a full on argument.

“The only thing I wanted was a sorry! Just one fucking word! A sorry for snapping at me for no reason!” you stood up and looked at the boy.

“Well sorry, that I was sad and hurt! I just lost the one thing that kept me sane for the last five years! I’m sorry that it was the worst thing that happened to me in a while and I couldn’t take it!” he stood up and looked you deep in the eyes. “I’m sorry that I went through my childhood only doing what my sorry excuse of a father said! Growing up like I was nothing but a machine, an experiment!” he kept shouting and tears ran donw his face. “And I’m sorry if after all that I snap at you! I’ve been through hell and I’m still living it!”

He fell down to the mattress, with red eyes, tears streaming down his face and sniffling. You felt bad for the boy and slowly sat down next to him. You tried to touch him, but the first time he flinched from under your touch. Then you softly put your hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

“I’m sorry” he whispered.

“I’m sorry too. I knew that you weren’t feeling well and a bunch of things happened to you. I was just mad at myself and everything that I was losing my friend. My only friend” you spoke softly, no trace of the previous anger in your voice.

He nodded and slowly you both continued eating. You stayed close to the other and processed all that just happened.

There are better and there are worse days in the apocalypse. The most important thing is that you keep going, keep hoping that the next day will be better.

And so went the nineteenth day and night.

Five wasn’t feeling too great the next day. His face was pale, well paler than usual. You were scared what was going to happen to him. You never lived through a sick day with someone in the apocalypse. Sure, you got sick every now and then, but you always got through it after some time. But you didn’t know how Five worked, how he goes through an illness. But his face was pale and it was worrying.

He was asleep for a longer time then he did ever before. And his face was all scrunched up like he felt uncomfortable. When he woke up a few hours later, you were next to him in an instant. You held the water bottle towards him.

“Here. Drink this. It’ll help” you said softly.

He went to take it, but his eyes widened in the next second and he jumped up and fell to his knees a few meters from the mattress. Everything came out of him. At first you looked away, but took a deep breath, kneeled down next to Five and put your hand on his back, stroking it gently.

“Just give it all out, you’ll feel better” you said as he let out a bigger part of whatever made him so sick.

When he finished, he was pantng, trying to catch his breath. You gave him the water bottlewhich he gladly took and took a few gulps of water, before leaning into you.

“Are you sick or did you eat something bad?” you asked, keeping up the weak boy’s weight.

“I don’t know. We’ll see” he sighed and got up with your help.

He tried to do his things but you always stopped him, saying that fter all that vomiting, he shouldn’t. So after the millionth time, he took it easy. Of course he wasn’t happy about it, but you wouldn’t let him do anything. So he had no other choice but to accept his situation. But not without grumbling about it.

“I feel completely fine! I don’t understand why I can’t keep doing my stuff!” he mumbled.

“You’re acting like a baby” you pointed out.

“No, I do not!” he pouted.

“What did you say?” you smirked.

“Leave me alone” he said and turned away.

“As you wish” you said in a sing-song voice.

By nightfall he was feeling much better, the color was back on his face. He looked better, felt better, but you still didn’t let him do anything.

“Are you sure you should eat this much?” you asked.

“Yes! I’m hungry!” Five mumbled as he ate.

“Five, you vomited this morning!” you said, worried about him.

“Y/n” he turned towards you. “I’m fine. Just let me eat.”

“I’m just worried about your well-being” you said softly.

“Well then stop worrying about me!” he said.

“Stop worrying about you?” you asked. “Stop worrying about you?! I can barely stop thinking about you!” you said, shocking even yourself.

Five looked at you shocked. He expected everything but this. He felt a blush crawl up his sheeks and slowly down on his neck. But looking at you, your situation wasn’t much better either. If anything, it was worse. You cleared your throat and took in a sharp breath. You opened then closed your mouth a few times like you didn’t know what to say (which was the case), then you stuttered out a few words.

“I- I mean... I-” you stopped. “I meant... um... I-” you didn’t know what to day. “I meant to say... uh... I’ll- I’ll just go” you said, standing up.

Five watched you walk to the other side of the fire, while muttering to yourself. He just blinked a few and decided teleave it at that.

“Stupid teenage hormones. You always mess things up, don’t you?” you murmured to yourself.

“I told you” you heard a sing-song voice from your right.

Your head snapped to your right. There was no one, just your imaginery... friend.

“Fuck you, I told you to leave me alone!” you spoke through your teeth in a hushed voice.

They shrugged and disappeared. You sighed and went to lie down. You peeked around the fireplace and saw Five sleeping peacefully. You sighed and lay on your back. You watched the beautiful sky and thought about the last few days and their weirdness. Slowly you fell asleep, dreaming about a nicer day, a nicer life.

And so went the twentieth day and night.

[Previous] [Masterlist] [Next]

Taglist: @lady1505 @missmakenzye @awkwardspontaneity @bi-idiot-fanfics

If you want to be added to the taglist, send an ask or message❣

#five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves x you #five hargreeves x y/n #five hargreeves #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy x you #the umbrella academy x y/n #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy five #tua x reader #tua x you #tua x y/n #tua #tua five

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sunarintoes · 4 years

Text

Boyfriend Headcanons

Includes: Sakusa, Komori, Shirabu, Atsumu

Warnings: none - just pure fluff :) oh wait some swearing!!

✗ you have to be clean!! There’s no two ways about this. Of course you dont have to be super clean freak germaphobe!! (Extra points if you are because cleaning is his passion and he hates germs and he would love to share that with you)

✗ it takes a while for him to become affectionate, he has to ‘get used to your germs’ and all. When you are at home he will love to cuddle with you!! He particularly loves it when you are clean sitting in his lap while watching a movie! Because!! Then he can wrap his arms around you and rest his head on yours!

✗ one of his favourite dates is going shopping together... to the chemist. He likes having you with him as he looks through all the hygiene and sanitary items, often asks you ‘does this smell good’ because baby wants to be clean AND smell good. He will smell like a fresh bouquet if you so wish. Afterwards he’ll take you out to eat and pay for your food as a thank you.

✗ he’s in no way, shape or form fond of PDA. It makes him uncomfortable and he prefers to keep his private life, private. And you completely respect that!! The most he will go is the occasional hand holding or giving you his vbc jacket.

✗ he will make it clear he’s in a relationship though! He doesnt want his fan girls to continue coming on to him so he will tell them bluntly, it probably went something like this: ‘I am in a relationship with Yn. If you have a problem I dont care. Please stop trying to get in with me from here on out and dont touch Yn otherwise I’ll drown you in bleach.’ Wow isnt he just a charmer.

✗ he doesnt mind if you wear a face mask or not, but be prepared: he will refuse to kiss you until you’ve thoroughly washed your face. He does think your face is cute/pretty/handsome/etc so I think he’d prefer to see it.

✗ i don’t think hes one to be jealous or possessive but doesn’t like it if other people ‘contaminate you with germs’ so he’ll most likely stick around you to defend you from ‘germs’ so i guess he’s pretty protective. But not toxic protective!! He likes it when you come to his games and cheer for him!

✗ Komori is the softest ever! He loves you and he loves affection!!!! Bb is kinda clingy but its okay because he’s adorable and you love his hugs! He loves snuggling with you - face to face, while the both of you talk about anything and everything!

✗ he definitely loves it when you come to his games and he always gives you his jacket to wear! After every game when he sees you waiting for him in the foyer he runs up and hugs you.

✗ he lives to see you smile! Komori really loves when you smile! Please smile for him! But don’t fake it! Fake smiles make him sad! If he ever sees you fake a smile (and he can always tell bcz of how much he loves your smile) he will always make time to speak with you or FaceTime you to ask you how you’re going and if you’re okay. He doesn’t like his bb being sad :’)

✗ Komori really likes cute cliche dates! Sometimes you tease him about it but you can’t deny that he always makes them special - even if they’ve been done a million times before. Picnic dates and star gazing dates are a must!

✗ when it comes to PDA, he’s not necessarily against or for it, hes just kinda like eh whatever works in the moment. However!! Holding hands everywhere is a must.

✗ I don’t see him as the type to get jealous and/or possessive. He gives vibes that are full of positivity, so I feel like in a relationship with him he’s very trusting and understanding. However, if someone is flirting with you and making you uncomfortable he will intervene. Unless!! You have it under control, if so then he’ll just come up and stand next to you with a passive aggressive smile directed at the dude. If you don’t have it under control, he will come up and put a hand on your shoulder to reassure you and then he will talk to the guy. He starts off by asking a random question like ‘how’s the weather’ or whatever, and this usually confuses the guy because ‘???? Who’s this dude and why’s he talking to me so friendly’ anywho, he chats the dude’s ears off and the dude ends up leaving.

✗ he cant cook but can make he finest 2min noodles. Eat his noodles. He’ll be happy.

✗ aight here we are, piss hair - my second favourite Miya <3 jk

✗ being real, if youre gonna date atsumu you have to have to be able to take a joke. Please dont be offended. It’s just that he likes to joke around with you and 10/10 will point to something ugly and say ‘that’s you babe.’ He doesn’t do it to be mean!!! No!! He just sucks shit at expressing himself and therefore he teases you to show his affection verbally. He often says ‘I love ya’ to remind you because he knows words can hurt. He does his best to not be too mean :,) and if you ever look slightly sad because of something he said he will flick the switch and turn into a really loving bf. Hah simp.

✗ he wont admit it but he loves affection. Pda is a yes for him. Loves it when you sit in his lap or hold is hand or jump onto his back. He thinks you’re the cutest. You wear his jacket. Before and after games he gives you a sweet kiss on the lips, nothing steamy though thats for back home. He hugs you as a stress release. I know that sounds weird but he finds you to be so comforting and when he engulfs you in a hug and he can smell your shampoo/perfume he just feels really safe and loved and all round lucky to have you.

✗ Oh I know a lot of people have this hc about him only allowing you to cheer for him during his serves but I dont vibe with that. He likes it silent to concentrate so even if you were special (which you are) he doesnt want that game concentration interrupted, which you of course respect and understand. However as soon as his serves are up and its actual game time please cheer as loud as you want because he loves it when you cheer him and his boys team on!!

✗ mans is jealous, he doesnt like it when others get too comfy comfy with you. Like he knows you have other friends and he gets that but he does not! And I repeat - does not! Like it if they (esp opposite gender) get super touchy with you because in his head: ‘why get touchy with her/him/them when I’m literally right here???’ Oh yeah and he hates it when some weirdo is tryna chat you up, so to combat that he would definitely make his presence known. In scenario 1: ‘hey buddy can I have my girl/boy/sIo for a sec? Yeah thanks mate.’ Then he proceeds to kiss you harshly on the lips. Scenario 2: he walks up to the guy/girl/person and puts a hand on the both of yours shoulder. ‘She’s/he’s/they’re taken buddy, scram it.’ And the weirdo gets intimidated by that passive aggressive smile and the strong hand on his shoulder so they usually run away with a scowl right after they’re told.

✗ hes only soft for you behind closed doors sorry bb. Mans is a big simp. Even if he wont show it. I headcanon that he has a horse and knows how to ride it so sometimes he rides it to your house and calls you to come outside. You go outside and there he is, sitting on this large beast with a picnic basket, ‘hey babes wanna have a picnic?’ Ngl you’re surprised every time but go anyways. Omg imagine one day when youre at the picnic he’s all like ‘hey babes wanna see a trick?’ And youre like, ‘yeah sure’ so he gets on the horse and does idk something but then gets bucked off. Omg that shit would be hysterical. Brb gonna write a short scenario on this.

✗ wow ok I love him so much

✗ ok ok so we know Shirabu is smart (example in the timeskip) so he often stays up really really late to work on assignments and to study which means he can get very tired and burnt out esp when he has to do volleyball on top of all that. This is where you come in, you often visit his dorms (Shiratorizawa has dorms so thats the base for shirabu) and when you visit his dorms you bring lots of food - healthy foods to get his brain working but also snack foods to help him relax and release some of that good ol’ serotonin.

✗ when he studies but also feels like cuddling you find yourself facing him while sitting in his lap. You gotta move though cause he’s still working so you end up just cuddling into him like a koala. When he doesnt have to write/is busy reading he will wrap his arms around you and place a kiss to your forehead. He loves you omg, thinks you’re the cutest thing ever. IN FACT his home screen is a picture of you asleep, cuddling him in his lap. The only reason you’re not his lock screen is bc he has a rep to keep up in the club and cant have brats like goshiki knowing he can be soft or tendou teasing him for being ‘simp.’

✗ like atsumu, you gotta be able to take a joke because mans is a salt stick and loves teasing/roasting you. Ofc you do it back. Sometimes you team up and tease Kawanishi together. Please save Kawanishi, he does not want to deal with either of you, bb is tired from volleyball.

✗ shirabu knows he may not be the ideal boyfriend - he’s hopelessly devoted to the volleyball club and studies the life out of himself, so he often finds himself apologising to you and feeling incredibly guilty that he may have to cancel your date every so often. You make sure to remind him that its okay, that you knew what you were getting into when you started dating him and that you admire that he’s so determined and such a hardworker and that you love him. Every time you tell him he almost cries, he loves you.

✗ to make up for lost dates he will invite you to his dorm, or he’ll go to yours and the both of you will spend the day cuddling and snacking on food while watching movies. For him this is like killing two birds with one stone because 1) he gets to relax and have some downtime and 2) he gets to spend that time with you and just being in your presence relaxes him so much. Hhhhh hes so precious omg i love him. Oh and he’ll make sure to tell you that he loves you - it took a while for him to say it because he wanted it to mean something.

✗ when it comes to pda he’s not the most comfortable about it, yknow he just prefers to keep that to himself. But!! Will 100% hold your hand if you ask. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask! He just really likes holding your hand.

✗ now is he jealous or possessive? Yes he is jealous, i cant describe why. He just gives those vibes. I think it’s because he has a lot of self doubt and insecurities about being a good boyfriend that he feels like someone could just sweep you away. He’s self aware so he knows it’s his insecurities talking so he does his best to not believe and act on them but sometimes when someone is deliberately flirting and knows you have a bf he will be big mad. Full on walks up to the guy with an intimidating aura and roasts him. Ngl you find it funny because he’s spitting out insults faster than you could say supercalifragi- something i forgot how to spell it lol.

#haikyuu #haikyu #haikyuu x reader #fluff #x reader #headcanons #hc #shirabu fluff #atsumu fluff #sakusa fluff #komori #shirabu kenjiro #sakusa kiyoomi #komori motoya #miya atsumu

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drethanramslay · 4 years

Text

Voicemails (Part 2)

Pairing: Ethan X MC

Word count: 6.3K words (damn that's a record)

Catch up here.

MASTERLIST

Taglist: @miyakokurono @trappedinfandoms @openheart12 @sekizincimektup @junggoku @ethandaddyramsey @edith-eggs1 @pixelberryownsme @samihatuli @loveellamae @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @zeniamiii @binny1985 @an-urban-witch-ig @ramseyegerton @noboundariesplease @mrsdr-ethan-ramsey @newcolonies @theodorepjames4 @unluckygs @choices-love-affair @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @ohramsey @virtualrain202 @squishywizardhq @junehiratas @lilyvalentine @nooruleman @itsgoingnuts @agent-breakdance @jamespotterthefirst @choicesfanaf @humanpokemon @temptress-of-death-and-desire @ac27dj @rookiefromedenbrook @gaiusimp @theeccentricbibliophile @oofchoices @hatescapsicum @sanchita012 @edgiestwinter @fabi-en-ciel @mrsdrakewalkerblog @elwetritsche75 @livingpurpose @theraisingrail @drramseysownsme @queencarb @andromedasinclaire @schnitzelbutterfingers (if you want to be added to the taglist, let me know ☺️)

Special thanks to @kittykatchoices you are awesome <3

Songs: Based on Rock Bottom by Caro and I have added a few more songs to my playlist which you should hear to enhance the experience.

Forgive me if I make any mistakes

DAY 36 (in Boston, Massachusetts)

Leah trudged down the hallway, sipping on her umpteenth energy drink in that day. Her eyes were trained on the chart in her hand, struggling to read them.

Everything looked bleary from the lack of sleep and her eyes were burning under the glare of the clinical lights. Her entire body was begging for rest but it was as if a switch had been flipped in her brain to ignore it. She ignored her thoughts, her feelings and the ever growing void in her chest.

So is this is how vampires feel, huh? Leah questioned herself, snorting at the poor attempt of a joke. Doing that caused her body to pain.

Pain.

That's all she felt these days. It was initially the pain of a heartbreak and rejection but now, it was just tiredness from the burden of her emotions.

Look at me now... From sunshine I have become a shadow...

Why Ethan?

Why?

Leah was the kind of person who always made fun of the naive girl in a rom-com. Her definition and perspective of love had changed when her mother cheated on her father. She did not shun the idea of being in love, but she was still kind of sceptical about it.

And now that she had a taste of it, she was addicted.

She knew that Ethan returned her feelings. She was not blind and oblivious like him. She could see it in his ocean eyes when they stared from across the room. She could hear it whenever he called her 'sunshine'. She could feel it when his arms wrapped around her as she breathed in his musky cologne, with hints of scotch in it.

They say love is a drug but that's not true.

Ethan is her drug and she craved him.

"Hijo de puta." She muttered under her breathe as she ran her hand through her hair, only to feel her shoulder length locks.

She had cut her hair after her birthday. The entire ordeal had destroyed the remaining sanity in her and she couldn't bear to look at herself. Whenever she would see her long hair, she would be reminded of the times when Ethan would play with them and she would get numb all over again.

She craved change so, she went ahead and cut her luscious, black, waist length locks and added highlights to them. It cost her a bomb but she didn't care.

She didn't care...

That was her mantra now.

She just focused on going through the motions of the day, one step at a time. But often, she found herself stumbling into the pit of self doubt and sadness. Leah knew that she was slipping into depression and that she should do something to change it but... It's addicting. The self wallowing is addicting. The numbness is addicting. The self depreciation is addicting.

She avoided her friends as well but they never gave up on her. Bryce would try to crack jokes and make her smile. Elijah would sit with her and play COD so that she could let out all her anger and sadness by killing some bitches. Aurora and Sienna would force her to eat but whenever they weren't looking, she would give her food to Shawty, their fennec fox. They even tried to provide her emotional support but Leah couldn't bear to see the pity in their eyes.

You should count your blessings... Her consciousness nudged her.

The only thing I want to count are the days until I see him.

She felt her phone vibrate and she unlocked it to see the notification but, the photo on her wallpaper made her stop. It made her heart ache.

She had used Ethan's photo as her lock screen. It was one of those many photos she had clicked of him, which Ethan did not find amusing. It was late and she was bored at the medical convention, so she just clicked them for the heck of it. He was annoyed but despite that, he had a small smile dancing on the edge of his lips.

Who would have thought the great Leah would drop down to such low levels of pathetic? She jeered at herself.

Her phone rang again and a name flashed on it. She immediately silenced because she knew that if she were to pick up that call, she would burst into tears.

She had just finished signing her charts when her pager beeped of, signalling that she was being paged by the Chief.

Leah's face scrunched up with confusion as she left the charts at the nurses' station and headed to Dr. Banerji's office.

What did I do wrong? Leah thought to herself as million of thoughts ran through her head, increasing the pounding in her head.

Trying to calm her racing heart she knocked on the open door. Naveen looked up from his desk and a beautiful smile broke on the senior diagnostician's face.

"Ah! Dr. Garcia, come on in. Take a seat." Naveen said with a warm voice as she walked in and took a seat right opposite him. There was a glass facade behind Naveen which overlooked the busy atrium of the hospital.

"You wanted to see me Chief?"

"Yes I did."

"May I know what is it regarding? Because I think that my heart will pop out of my chest with the excessive stress."

Naveen gave a hearty laugh and Leah gave a nervous smile to him.

"No, you haven't done anything wrong. In fact, I am giving you a couple of days of holiday for your hard work."

Leah shook her head and gave a fake smile. "Thank you Chief but... I don't need an off. I love my job and saving lives so no need for this special treatment."

Naveen leaned forward on his table and locked his warm eyes with Leah's tired ones. "You deserve it. It's been brought to my notice, that you have been working way too hard."

Leah sat a little bit more rigid, not liking the message behind the sentence. "Isn't that a good thing? And isn't that what Edenbrook wants from their doctors?"

"Technically yes... But we also want our doctors to not burn out."

She clenched her jaw before speaking. "Chief, I am perfectly fine. I am not burnt out and I have been very proactive. My patients are all stable and breathing, I have been even helping with the ER more, so how is all of that an indicative of me burning out?"

"Leah... I see you as my grand-mentee and I know you well. I am coming from a position of concern for you. I can't have you being sleep deprived and malnutritioned. It's not good for you."

Leah's eyes narrowed. "How do you know I'm malnutritioned? You haven't even seen me since the last three weeks. And don't say that my friend's put forth this concern because I know that I have done a damn good job convincing them that I am okay."

Naveen just gave a sympathetic look and it clicked.

Letting out sharp breath, she looked down and straightened her pencil skirt, trying to distract herself from the gnawing pain and the influx of hope.

"He called you... Didn't he?"

Naveen gravely nodded his head. "Yes he did. Leah... Please take the next four days off. It's an order."

Leah nodded her head and got up, stuffing her hands into her coat, so that she could hide her trembling hands.

"Yes Chief."

She was about to walk out when Naveen called out to her. "Leah... If it's any consolation, he is in a terrible state and misses you too much."

"No... that is no consolation." She said steely, her eyes becoming cold.

"Leah, just trust me. Ethan has had a tough childhood which has forced him to grow up too soon. He has never been a normal kid let alone a normal teenager. When kids his age were chasing love, he was chasing books. That's why he is a walking robot with no sense of emotions.

Leah, since you came into his life, you have woken up the parts of him which he has kept suppressed. You have forced him to stop and feel. And it's been overwhelming for him. So, just be patient with him."

Leah didn't say anything. She just turned on her heels and strode out of the office.

As she walked to the locker room, she clenched her fists. She was totally pissed and the need to punch something was becoming unbearable.

How fucking dare he just control my life?!

She changed out of her clothes and stuffed them angrily into her satchel. She picked up her phone and saw a notification.

(1) message Captain

She read the message and she felt a little happy. She loved her dad and since the entire shit show had started, she missed her family even more.

Speaking of shit show...

He eyes narrowed in on Ethan's contact and the momentary happiness was dissipated, and anger flooded her body. Her shoulders tensed and she clenched the phone even tighter. She pressed on the call icon near his name and picked up the phone to her ear so that she could give him the cursing of his life.

After ringing a couple of time she heard his baritone voice flood through the speaker.

You have reached Dr. Ramsey. I am currently out of the country. If it's urgent, please leave a message.

"Ethan Jonah Ramsey! You are a maldito (damned male)! For a man, you are one maricon (pussy) and I swear as the days pass by I am more convinced that you are a bastardo sin huevos (ball-less bastard)!!

How fuckin dare you, you asshole?! I fucking know that you called Naveen to tell him to give me an off. I don't know weather to dance with joy that you heard my voicemails or to kick you in your balls for not responding.

You need to man the fuck up Ethan because I know that you are so fucking strong. I know it so well."

She panted, anger swirling even more in her chest.

"Ethan you need to stop playing the fucking victim. I know that you have had a tough childhood and that really hurt you... But I didn't have it any easier either. I was bullied through out school and my mom used to pimp the fuck outta me. She even cheated on my dad for five consecutive years till I kicked her out of the house."

Tears stung her eyes as she spoke. "But that did not once break my spirit E. I didn't let the damage of my past define me. I focused on redefining myself and I got rid of my bad habits like smoking weed and drinking every alternate day."

"We all got scars and I know that it hurts sometimes. I am not discounting your pain but, if you continue to let it eat you up baby then you will lose yourself to it. And I don't want that for you.

Ethan... You are such a beautiful soul and such a great man who is deserving of the best things in life. You deserve love and happiness. The only thing which is standing between you and all the good things is... Well you.

Stop punishing yourself. Because that is not only going to hurt you, but also the people around you.

You have been so deep in that vicious cycle that you haven't realised that you are hurting me too..."

She sighed as she looked down on her black converse.

"Ethan, emotions are what make us human... You can't run from them forever.

What we have, is so so beautiful... Just come back to me so that I can show you that... Till then, take care, love you and bye..."

DAY 36 (in Tefé, Amazonas)

"Till the take care, love you and bye..."

You have reached the end of the voicemail.

Ethan brought his phone down, guilt and shame swimming in his blue eyes. He knew that it was a dick move to call her superior and get her to take an off but he couldn't bare to see her get weaker and weaker as the days passed.

And the fact that I am the reason behind her sadness...

Ethan pressed his palms against his eyes and applied pressure so as to push back the tears threatening to spill.

He felt so much shame. It coiled around his chest, slowly tightening, choking him.

He didn't deserve her love and he definitely did not deserve her empathy. He did not deserve her kindness nor did he deserve the compassion that she showered his way. She did not deserve to be treated like a doormat or be fucked over by the mixed signals. If he truly loved her he would leave her behind and move on with his life.

But he is selfish.

He couldn't bear the thought of seeing her in the arms of another man. The thought made him want to punch the closest thing to him. He looked down to stare at the wallpaper of his lockscreen.

It was one of the many impromptu pictures he had clicked of her. Most of the ones he had were when she wasn't looking his way but this one, was one of the rare ones where she stared at the camera. A beautiful dimpled smile stared back at him, her hair covering half of her face.

God, she is beautiful with a divine soul.

I don't deserve her... But I want to be hers...

He took the stationery out and with a heavy heart, proceeded to pour out all his regret and shame on to the coffee stained paper.

DAY 45

After numerous sleepless nights Ethan knew that if he didn't sleep, he would surely collapse.

So bidding his colleagues adieu, he went to the motorcycle parked in the makeshift parking lot.

He had recently learnt how to drive a bike and now he somewhat related to those motorbike junkies.

It was an exhilarating experience. The breeze whistling through his brown wavy hair, the feeling of the sun shining on his face and to hear the roar of Amazon as he rode down the roads was intoxicating.

He felt the most at peace when he rode the bike. The hum of the engine beneath him would lull him into a state of calmness and it's only during those times, his mind would wander to Leah.

He would often think about how much Leah would enjoy pillion riding. He could imagine her having this wide grin on her face and her arms wrapped around his lean waist. He could imagine her hair billowing behind her in wild waves and the sun would make her skin glow with a caramel hue. She would giggle as the wind tickling her face.

These thoughts were what kept him sane, and gave him something to look forward too. He knew that it was ironic but he just couldn't help himself.

It had been a month since he had last seen her and he missed her so much.

The sun had set and Ethan parked his bike near the B&B he was living in. After taking out the keys from the ignition, he climbed the steps leading to the reception. He gave a nod to the receptionist and trudged to his room, tiredness making him hunch as he walked.

As he stepped into his room, he started stripping till he was in his underwear. He headed to the bathroom to get fresh, his body on auto pilot. His brain felt like mush and his eyes were bloodshot red.

I need a scotch... He thought to himself. In the last month, all the pubs and restaurants were closed so he couldn't go anywhere to get a drink. He was stressed and tired, both emotionally and physically.

He sighed and headed to his bed, stark naked. The moment his head hit the pillow, he passed out, slipping into a deep slumber.

He was so deep asleep, that he didn't hear the sound of his phone ringing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunshine streamed through the sheer curtains, illuminating the room in a soft glow. The reflection of the river casted shadows on the walls and the birds chirped a happy tune, to signal the start of a new day.

Ethan started waking up gradually, feeling much better. He felt well rested and his back wasn't killing him anymore. He stretched, the muscles of his abdomen and back, contracting and relaxing, as he got rid of the lingering sleep.

He sat up and his eyes landed on his phone. Picking it up he started checking his notifications as he headed to the washroom to start with his morning chores.

There were a couple from the hospital, updating him about the patients. None of them were dead so that's a good thing. He saw messages from his dad and Naveen but his eyes narrowed in on a particular name.

Leah🌞 (1) voicemail (10) messages

That's new. Ethan mused as he brushed his teeth. He pressed the play button and kept the phone on speaker.

"Heyyyyy Ethannnn." Leah slurred and Ethan's eyes widened.

"What's up duuddddee? How is it hangin' man? It been so long since I have spoken to you and no this...this 'voicemails' don't count because you aren't replying to me."

A short pause followed before Leah spoke up over the music. "Do you hate me? Like I need to know. I need ANSWERS. Am I that revolting that you had to run thousands and hundreds of miles away from me? Is it because I snort when I laugh?"

Her voice cracked towards the end before she snorted.

"You know what? You are one grade A pussy. Yes, you heard me! Inserts the 'Why are you running?' meme. I don't think you would understand that context because you are an anormal. I- I don't understand this running business. I show you affections you run away. I compliment you, you run away. I have sex with you, you run away. Maybe... Maybe I am the dumbass here?

Tbh, I have no fuckin' clue!!

And I am here all alone in this... Dive in bar or whatever the fuck this is, and the guys have just been flirting with me. And they should because I am a motherfucking goddess!! Like have you see my ass? Wait, you have whoops... but the point is, whenever they walk up to me or- or buy me a drink my dumb brain goes on to analyse how they can never compare to you.

So thanks bro, you fucked me up real good!"

Leah laughed so hard and worry churned in his chest.

She blew a raspberry. "Ethan, idk man you suck. Like so bad...or should I say good? I am confusion at this point. When I am sober, I miss you so so much. So I decided why not forget by getting completely and utterly wasted. But... Now I am drunk and I miss you more and none of my friends are here to save me from my phone so sorry, if I said somethings that I meant, 'kay?

I honestly though that loving you would be easy but... I don't feel like loving you anymore. But that's the thing about love... You can fall in love easily, but getting over someone you love could take foreverrrr.

So, don't worry bro. It's not like I am getting over you anytime soon and I am not running away anywhere. Can't say the same thing 'bout you though...

Anyways, it is 3 am and I see Bryce coming... So fuck you man. You missed out on your one shot at love and I hope you be alone for the rest of your life. Peace out, chinga madre!"

The voicemail ended and Ethan stood in shock.

I don't feel like loving you anymore...

You missed your one shot at love...

Those words cut so deep into his heart. It was painful and Ethan had to grip the counter. He could feel his heart shattering and tears threatened to spill. Those words hurt, it felt like a stitch tearing or a punch in the gut.

Ethan was never one to be affected by words. But these ones stung him.

So this is how Leah felt when I ran away...

As Leah says, I am a dumbass.

Ethan reached for the tap and splashed water on his face and wiped his hands before opening the messages.

Leah... I may be an asshole but I will always want to be your asshole.

That come out wrong.

Fuck.

Ethan shook his head and sat on the desk, scratching his beard and thinking of what to write in his response.

DAY 50

Ethan took his stethoscope from his ears and smiled at the child. "You are getting strong Julio."

"So I am killing all the bad germs?" Eyes filled with curiosity looked up at him.

"Yes. You are just like spiderboy, killing all the bad guys."

"It's Spiderman Dr. Ramsey!!" The boy exclaimed.

It's the same thing! But, Ethan knew better than to bring it up. He had learnt his lesson with Leah and her obsession with Marvel.

"Okay, okay, spiderman. Just a another week of rest and medicines and you will beat all of the bad boys like him."

"But the medicine is so yucky..." The 4 year old scrunched his face up and crossed his arms.

"I know the medicines taste bad so I have something for you for being a good boy."

"Really?!" He asked gleefully.

Ethan dug into his coat and took out some lemon candy. "Here Julio."

He squealed and took it. "Thank you!!"

He felt his phone ring in his pocket and he took it out to see. When his eyes landed on the notification, his face morphed into a grin.

Leah🌞 (1) missed call (1) voicemail

"Who is that?" Julio looked over Ethan's hand to look at the phone. Ethan looked at the kid and saw him staring at the wallpaper of his lockscreen.

"That... That is a girl."

"Even I can see that Dr. R." The kid rolled his eyes and studied Leah's picture with utmost concentration. "Is she your wife? Or your girlfriend?"

Ethan choked and covered it up with a cough. "Um... nothing of that sort. She is just a girl, who I miss a lot."

"But she must be something you, no? If you miss her so much?" Brown eyes twinkled as he looked up with innocence in his eye.

"She is my Sunshine." He shrugged as he ruffled Julio's hair. "But enough worrying about me. Be a good kid and don't bother your mama, Julio." Ethan started walking out if the room.

"Sim! Also, luz solar (your sunshine) is so pretty." The boy called out to him.

Don't I know that?

Ethan shook his head, smiling to himself as he walked up to the nurse's station. He disposed his gloves and sanitized his hands before taking his phone out. He walked to the near by supply closet so that he could hear the voicemail without any disturbance.

"Hey Ethan... Well the last voicemail was a disaster, wasn't it?" Leah nervously chuckled over the line.

"Please don't hate me. I tried to apologise through the messages. And I know you read them because I saw the bubble with three dots for half an hour. So, if you think you are sneaky, then you need to work on your skills old man." She chuckled and Ethan chuckled at the comment.

I could never hate you sunshine.

"I am actually doing so much better now. I think I just needed to get wasted... Have a good cry... And curse you out or something. No offense.

I have been listening to so many songs and I relate to them at a spiritual level. Everything sounds like a love song now. It's a real dilemma whether to dance or cry to them.

Also, Sienna has been such a huge help! Naveen told her whatever happened and she is so supportive... We watched trashy romantic movies and ate so much ice cream. My dad also it's going to come in a couple of days so... Maybe he will give me advice?

So things aren't as hopeless as they were a week ago.

I mean, it still hurts but it doesn't rip me apart everyday. I still hate you a little but, my love overpowers it. It's a war everyday but I try to beat down the sadness everyday."

Ethan felt so proud of Leah. She just needs to be reminded how strong she is and she will annihilate all her demons.

"I am gonna be honest... Your tactic of running away isn't going to make my feelings less for you, because absence makes the heart grow fonder. Like right now, I am witnessing Zaid feeding Ines cake. It's their anniversary and they are so in love that I feel like an outsider.

I mean I am in love but, the love of my life isn't here. So... Yeah.. I miss you right now... But, I have a strong feeling that our relationship is a unique kind, Y'know? Our relationship is so deep rooted and emotionally strong, that it can survive numerous storms.

We are so beautiful and so strong together...

I am just waiting for the day when you realise that E.

And when you realise, I hope you come back to me."

Ethan brought his phone down, heart filled with so much love for this woman. He is aware of the feelings he had for her and he could have said those three words easily. But, deep down he knew he wasn't ready.

He wasn't the man she deserved yet. He had way too many demons of his past and in order to be with her, he had to face them and this time, he would do it the right way.

So with a bitter sweet feeling and courage, he got up and went back to work.

DAY 53

"Doctor, the gymnasium lot of patients are responding positively to the new vaccine." The young intern spoke excitedly.

"That's good. And have we finished the inoculation procedure for ward 314?"

"Yes doctor."

"Excellent work, Dr. Santos." Ethan nodded before looking down at the charts. It was mid afternoon and the sun relentlessly beat down on his back, making his sweat excessively.

He was standing outside the make-shift tent near the gymnasium, going through the charts. He was posted in the hospital, on the other side of the city usually but they swapped him to work at the gymnasium for today.

He could see so much joy and happiness in the recovered patients as they embraced and kissed their loved ones. It was a harrowing period for them and being apart for two months can really be lonely. He saw the young lovers kiss and hug each other tightly.

Will this be me and Leah when I meet her again? Ethan wondered as his eyes dropped down to the sheets of papers in his hand.

"Ethan! Glad you could join us here." Dr. Batra said with a soft smile.

"Hello to you too Dr. Batra."

"I have told you numerous times to call me Neelam. We have worked and fought an epidemic together so you can call me by my first name."

"Sorry Neelam, force of habit I guess."

"How are you since I last saw you? Have you been eating? Have you been sleeping?" She asked, her eyes critically observing him, like a mother does to her child.

Ethan was not familiar with the concept of maternal love. He found it foreign but at the same time, it helped a little in filling the void in his heart.

"Yes Neelam. I have been taking care of myself."

"And how about your, jaanu?"

"Jaanu?" Ethan asked inquisitively as he turned his head to look at her.

"Jaanu in hindi means love of your life." She said with a sly smirk playing on her lips.

"Good god." He groaned and stuffed his face even more into the charts, feeling his cheeks burning up.

"She is fine." He muttered out.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear that."

Ethan narrowed his eyes at her and she just gave a toothy grin. "I said that she is doing fine. As fine as she can be." He felt a tinge of guilt flare up in his chest.

"Ethan... Don't feel guilty. If she truly loves you, she will understand." her face full of empathy.

"That's the problem!! I have been nothing but a fucktard and yet she shows me empathy and loves me unconditionally. I feel so damn guilty and I hate myself for hurting her."

"Ethan, I have said this before and I will say it again. I can see how much you love her but, how will you return all that love if you can't even love yourself?"

"Love myself? Where is that coming from?"

"You put up the 'I don't give a damn about your opinion' vibe but I can see the self hatred in your eyes. Son, you are the thorn in your own path."

"I..." For the first time in a long time, Ethan was rendered speechless.

"Ethan... The first step towards loving someone is loving yourself first. Okay...Imagine that you have a cup. Self love fills half of that cup up and when you find 'the one', it becomes full. It's like a mutualistic relationship, you fill her cup up and vice versa.

Right now, your cup is empty because of the self hatred. And your girl is trying her very best to fill up the void but, she is loosing out on herself while doing that. It's hurting her as well as you."

"So what do I do?"

"You communicate. You talk out your feelings. Have trust in her that when you open up your deepest vulnerabilities, she will accept it and not hesitate to love you. Love is a two way street. You can't expect her to bare her soul if you can't do the same."

"Wow." Ethan's head was full with thoughts.

"Wow indeed."

"Neelam, we should call you the Love doctor."

She gave a tinkling laugh, her dark brown eyes twinkling. "Nah son. I am just a woman who has seen a lot in life."

He was about to respond when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He dug his phone out and unlocked it.

Leah 🌞 (1) voicemail

"Sorry I have to take this." Neelam nodded and he walked towards the deserted park. He sat down on the rusty swing and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hey... So I told you that my dad was coming to Boston, right? Well, we had a nice chat about us and it's been really insightful.

Needless to say my father said some not nice things and he almost brought an entire squad of marines to beat the shit outta you BUT, I stopped him because as much as you infuriate me, I would like your pretty face intact."

Ethan chuckled as he played with his frayed ripped jeans.

"I told him about how sad I have been and how everything sucks. I even spoke about the happy times when we would solve the various cases together or the times when we would buy take out and pull all nighters. I spoke about my fears and doubts that maybe, just maybe you don't love me. After hearing my rant he told me something that helped erase all the lingering doubts.

He said, "Mija, When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that's when it's real. That's when it's worth something." Isn't that true for us?

I can make you so angry that you could put hulk to shame but, I can also make you laugh when you are low. And vice versa! You make me so happy most of the times... when you are not being a colossal pain in the ass."

There was silence on the line, as if she was thinking.

"I think I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt... only more love.

This is just a rough patch but, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just like after a dark storm comes sunshine.

This is just a test for us, to see if we are strong. And believe me, I think we are the unstoppable duo. The diagnostics posse!

And when all this... Haze of doubts was cleared from my mind, I could see clearly. I could remember the promise I made you.

I will be waiting, for as long as you need.

And it's true.

So for now... I will love you through the phone. I will try to make it a point for you to know, that I will never ever stop loving you. I will be there through thick and thin.

Just give me a chance to prove it. Have faith that I will catch you when you fall. Just, come back to me.

I love you...bye."

Ethan stared at his phone for a long time. There were so many thoughts swimming in his head. But one thought just rang wide and clear in his head. Or rather, one word.

Sunshine...

So he sat there, alone with his thoughts until the sun set on him.

DAY 59

"To the best team of doctors!" A thunder of applause ran through the huge crowd as they screamed and shouted with joy.

"Thanks to these geniuses, Tefé is now free of cholera! Also, a huge thanks to the citizens as well. Your support has been so helpful. We are strong together!" The mayor's voice boomed.

We are strong together... You and I. Leah's words resounded in his head as he looked down at his combat boots, arms crossed.

He wasn't paying any attention to the mindless congratulations. His mind was swirling with the thought that within 60 hours, he is going to see her.

He was done with slogging his ass and he was done running. He will man the fuck up, and fix his issues before he asks her out. That's a promise he made to himself.

The gift he bought for her, weighed him down with uncertainty. Whether she would like it or not.

His mind was also going back to last year. The intern year was going to come to an end in two days and Ethan couldn't fathom just how far she had come. Last year, at this time, he met her. If you would have told him that he would have fallen head over heels in love with someone, he would have just admitted that person for LSD overuse. But, now here we are.

Damnn... Its already been a year.

After the thank you ceremony was done, the doctors headed to the pub for a drink. They ordered some local cuisines and a couple of beers to celebrate their win. As much as Ethan enjoyed the smooth scotch running down his throat, he still couldn't keep his mind off their inevitable meeting.

Will she look at me and be angry?

Will she throw a drink on my face? Or kick me in the balls?

Or will she jump into my arms?

Questions... Questions...

By the time they were done, it was almost 2 am. They had an afternoon flight so that was a good thing. He wasn't drunk, but definitely a little tipsy. The last thing he wanted was to nurse a hangover early in the morning that too, on a flight.

After being dropped off at his B&B, he felt his phone vibrate. He saw Leah's name flash and his face scrunched in confusion.

It's late, she should be asleep.

He pressed the button to play the voicemail and Leah's soft voice flooded, making Ethan even more intoxicated.

"Hi... Today it's a clear sky and honestly, it looks so beautiful. The moon is shining so bright and the stars are twinkling. I was brought up in Washington DC and never in my life have I ever seen so many stars at night. It's so breathtaking..."

Ethan headed to the basically and stood outside. He leaned on the railing and looked up and indeed, it was a starry night. It was like diamonds glittering and swaying in the moonlight. And the moon... It shone in its elegance, basking Ethan in its radiance.

Leah chuckled. "I can't believe it's been a year since I became a doctor. A full fledged working doctor. It seems so surreal how this year passed by in a flash. I feel like I have grown and matured, but at the same time I still feel as clueless as my first day of work.

The day I met you... T

o be honest, I expected a grumpy old grandpa as Ethan Ramsey, but I got a handsome, dashing grump instead. I ain't complaining though. It's just...I am in a reminiscing mood."

Don't worry sunshine... Me too.

"Did you know, when we look at stars on a clear night sky we are, in a way, looking back in time? Before you roll your eyes and think this is some philosophical propaganda, there is a perfect logical explanation to it. What we see today is an object whose emitted light started its journey millions of year back and from trillions of kilometres away and are reaching our eyes now.

So... Here I am, peeping into the memories of our past. The kisses, the hugs, the love making and the joyous moments we shared. I miss that..

I miss us... I am here, waiting for you.

Come back to me, Ethan."

Ethan replayed the voicemail, as he continued to look at the stars, thinking back to the times when he had her I'm his arms.

Don't worry sunshine, I am coming home.

well, what do you think?

and what do you think will be Leah’s reaction?

a. she will kick him in the nuts

b. she will kiss the fuck outta him

c. all of the above

I hope y'all liked it.. was lowkey nervous bout this fic heheheh

like, comment and reblog ;))

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years

Text

Tired of Feeling the Blues

The stress is a recipe for disaster, but thankfully Calum’s there to help her all through it.

This is what we call self-indulgence 101. Enjoy soft Calum.

It is a female reader, only referred to as ‘she’. No specific race.

Please stay safe during these uncertain times. Drop a sweet message to your favorite blogger. Reblog your favorite fic. Recommend a fic to me if you want! We need to spread some joy. If you feel so inclined and have the means, you can support me on Ko-fi.

Enjoy my masterlist as well!

___________________________

The tension resides at the base of her skull, creeping its way up the back of her head, pulsing in her temple and right behind her eye. It beats the back of her skull on the left side of her head and the left side only. Her neck is heavy and not even the pillow beneath her neck is able to support it or alleviate the pounding. Closing her eyes hurt. Rolling onto either side hurts. It does not help with the lingering twinge of cramps in her lower back. Physically, she is falling apart. And mentally, she isn’t doing much better. The world in a panic to the pandemic and with her job now closed, she worries about bills. Thankfully right before the shutdown on her job, she had figured housing arrangements with Calum. But that didn’t stop the dizzying worry about her student loans, providing basic necessities for herself and her dog, Ace.

The room is still dark when Calum peaks his head inside. She lays still, not fully under the sheets with Duke on her chest and Ace curled up on her side. It was a slight worry when she first moved at the end of February that Ace would be just too big of a dog around Duke with the German Shepherd abundantly clear in him. There were a couple other things, the best guess was Australian Shepherd. But the vets hadn’t been too sure and the people at the shelter couldn’t quite place it either. And though Ace did like to play rough, the moment she felt like he was getting too rowdy and called for him to cool it, he listened immediately. He was well trained and there was no doubting that.

“Head still hurting?” Cal asks, stepping into the bedroom more. He uses his body to block the light from the hallway as he shuts the door close.

“If you have a guillotine hiding out anywhere, feel free to break it out.”

The bed dips as he settles and his hands settle onto her clothed leg not covered by the sheets. He rubs soothing circles over the black cloth. “You take something for it yet?”

She nods and it’s a fucking mistake. Immediately, it feels like needles in her neck. She groans, throwing her arm over her face. “Yeah. I did.”

Duke picks his head up and upon spotting Calum jumps up. Calum grins, petting the top of his head. “Taking care of Mamas?”

“He has great bedside manners,” she jokes.

“It’s a little past noon. Care for lunch?” Her headache had been plaguing since the night before and she thought sleep would ease the ache. But now it was proving more stubborn that impeded her from going on their morning walk. Calum handled the dogs with ease. But he did worry the entire time about her. Part of him doesn’t want to admit that some of it was out of a panic that somehow she had contracted the disease. But a larger part of him knew that between temporarily losing her job, her period, and overall panic, that the stress wouldn’t be nice on her physical body either.

Her reply is soft. “I’ll take leftovers.”

“I do have soup if you want. Easier to get down.”

“Hmm, I’m a chicken noodle soup kind of gal.”

“Chicken noodle soup then.”

She can feel the bed lifting again. From her lifted arm, she watches him. “You don’t even eat meat. Why do you have chicken in this house?”

“Because you do.”

“I told you you didn’t have too,” she calls as the door starts to creak close with Calum slipping out of it.

“It’s like a treat. A little chicken as a treat,” he winks and closes the door.

Though it makes her feel like one of the dogs, she has to laugh. “A little chicken as a treat.”

There’s a few moments of silence before Duke climbs off her chest. He pitters over to the door and a whine leaves his throat. Though it hurts, she stands and opens the bedroom door. The house isn’t in too bad of shape. She managed, in the time it took Calum to walk the dogs, to collect the trash bins from the curb. She washed the dishes from the late night snacking, put one load of laundry into the washer and scrubbed down the bathrooms. She had meant to sweep too but it hurt to be upright after that so she retired to the bedroom.

Calum hears the click of paws and when he glances down there’s Duke at his feet. “What happened to Nurse Duke?”

“Missed his pops,” she returns sliding into the bar seating. Ace settles onto the couch, but keeps his attention trained onto her.

“You could’ve stayed in the back. I was going to bring it to you.”

She doesn’t quite have the energy to respond, though she does simply wave off the comment before resting her head on her forearms. Calum stirs the soup on the stovetop for a few moments before walking over. His fingers take up the soft muscle of her shoulder. She hums as he guides two fingers up her neck, up and over the tension. It hurts just a little but it helps. The pressure combatting the pounding that seems to have taken up the whole residence of the entire left side. She knows amongst all this, the worry about her, Calum has meetings and promotion to do. She knows he’s got a million other things to juggle but he stopped his world for just five minutes for her.

“I love you,” she sighs when his fingers run up her neck and even into her scalp.

Calum’s laughter is a soft exhale. “You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not.” And it’s not that he ever thought that she was kidding. But his heart still jumps a little at the furrowed brows that face him as she lifts her head and turns. “I do love you and I would never just say that. Never. You got that?”

It was easy to just say a phrase. But it wasn’t lost on him that it was her that brought in the cans, or did the laundry, or washed the dishes. That was how she always showed her love, helping around the house, doing something to take it off his plate. “I know,” he says. It’s softly and she notices the tears pooling just slightly at his lower lashline.

“Good,” she murmurs against his lips before pressing a soft kiss. “Don’t burn my soup being a sap though. I don’t think I have the mental capabilities to handle that.”

As their noses brush, Calum can’t help his grin. That’s his girl, forever honest. “On it.” The kiss is brief, yet again. His fingers are still kneading at her neck and though it hurts when he pulls away, she knows it’s better than burnt soup. She drops her head on her neck, eyes closed again. When is the pain going to end? When is she going to find relief? From everything really and not just the headache. She needs relief from debt, from social distancing, from panic.

Calum can only watch as she carries herself to the couch. Wrapped in one of his hoodies, she curls herself around Ace. He’d offer sitting outside with him but the sun’s not going to help her headache. There’s almost nothing to do but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do whatever he can. With the soup warmed and in a bowl, he carefully carries it over to her. Her groan is heavy and drawn out as she sits up. “Yeah, just decapitate me please.”

“I’m sorry, love. Eat, try to sleep, okay?”

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes. Don’t worry about me right now, okay? Cuddle Ace. They look so sad that Mamas is not in tip top condition.”

The lip roll is exaggerated, pulling out and down. Calum kisses her forehead, gently cupping the back of her head with the action. His breath is a whisp against her skin as he whispers something. She doesn’t even catch it, not if it were English or Maori. He turns out the lights in the living room for her and soon he’s gone. Not without draping a blanket around her shoulders. She assumes another meeting. He’s taken to sitting outside during those calls. Maybe it’s so she’s not interrupting with the cleaning and that noise and he’s not in the way.

She has every intent to wash the dishes from her quick lunch. But once the soup is settled and she’s curled up again with Ace, it’s just so much easier to sleep. The bowl rests on the coffee table and she can’t find it within herself to get up. And she thinks it’ll be a quick nap too, by the time she gets up, Calum will still be on his conference call. It’s just a quick nap that wraps her up.

Until she finally blinks awake and the living is dark. The kitchen light is one still but there’s no sun peeking in from the blinds and she swears she couldn’t have slept the whole day away. When she pushes up, there’s less pounding in her head but a manageable dull ache. Her bleary eyes try to find the clock in the room to let her know what time it is but it’s much too far. She stands, eyes squinting against the light of the kitchen. It’s just about three and she spins, not sure if it’s three pm or three am. But there’s no way Calum would’ve just left her on the couch.

The blinds are drawn up and the curtains closed. When she pulls them apart, the sun comes blaring through. Her racing heart finally settles. “Thank fuck,” she grumbles.

“Ah, she lives,” Calum teases, peering into the living with a basket on his hip. Laundry. Not the load she started.

“It was dark and I thought I slept the entire day away.”

“No, just a few hours.”

She remembers the dishes, throwing a quick glance down to the coffee table. The bowl and spoon are gone. As her eyes scan, the pot and everything sit in the drying rack. “I can fold laundry,” she offers.

“It’s the last load.” And it’s meant to deter her, but she wiggles her fingers, stepping out from the couch. Calum shakes his head. “I got it.”

“I was supposed to clean my dishes and I didn’t. Let me, please?”

“How’s your head?” He knows as she walks closer that she’ll fight tooth and nail about making up for the dishes. But it’s not a big deal. She continues on and Calum shuffles into the bedroom to hide the basket from her. “Hey, no, you’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

“Give me the basket and no one gets hurt Hood.”

“It’s the last load, baby. Really, it’s okay.”

“You fixed me lunch and cleaned my dishes. Just give me the basket.”

“You’re not feeling well, so of course I did all that.”

She stands toe to toe with him, the basket behind his back pinned between him and their shared dresser. “Basket, Hood.”

“You can use my last name all you want, love. I’m not giving up this fucking basket.”

This happens all the time with them. And she should’ve learned to give up the good fight a long time ago, but giving in was not in her nature. So they stand there, staring, sharing breaths. But neither one of them budges. Calum doesn’t give in and let her take the basket and she doesn’t walk away.

“I have to pee but I’m not walking away,” she utters. The second she goes to pee, it’s over. Calum will start folding.

“Don’t burst your bladder.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Calum watches her, the way her leg starts to shake and he knows she’ll wait this out. There’s no sense in making her prove that point any further either. “Go pee, Christ! I’ll let you help, alright?” She sticks her tongue out, before racing to the bathroom. Calum hollers as she goes, “That’s not a victory for either one of us though!”

“Gray sock,” Cal calls before tossing the sock in her direction. It arches and lands in her waiting hands. To her left are all the unpaired socks. As she finds the matches, she rolls them together and places them into a pile to the right of her. The living room is scattered with clothes. Piles of underwear, separated by owner, and further separated from there, t-shirts rest on the top of the coffee table, alongside the bath towels.

“Who’s shirt?” she asks, wiping the cotton material out so she can get a better look at it.

“Merch,” Calum explains, holding his hand out for it. It takes more effort to toss, so it doesn’t land on their piles incorrectly. He folds it, like she taught him, hooking his pinkies to flip the sleeves back behind. It folds in half once and he folds it half again, creating thirds so that the screen print of the top of the faces peak out. The same thing that graces the cover of the album.

Softly behind the quiet sounds of the dogs clicking about, is the hum of the latest binge that’s already been long forgotten. They’ll restart it again later on when they’re better focused. Calum sits with his laptop open and facing him. Notes for another meeting and he’s bored already just looking at the text. “Where’s the pile for kitchen towels?’ she asks.

Calum, with his eyes still locked on the screen, thinks for a moment. “There’s no pile.”

“You have more space than I do.”

That’s all he needs before he tears his gaze away and catches the towel floating through the air. “What do you want for dinner? And you can’t say whatever is fine.”

In the midst of folding a bath towel, she huffs. “I’m fine with anything.”

He knew she’d find a loophole. She’d find a way to shove off the responsibility onto him. “Burgers?” he suggests, thinking of the patties that might’ve been lingering in the freezer. Her only response is a nod accompanied by a soft sound of agreement.

It’s back to the notes, back to barely listening to the voices on the TV. When all the clothes are folded and tucked away, Calum pulls her onto the couch, into his chest, arms winding around her body. His fingers gently cradle her head. “Any more pain?”

“Just a little pressure.”

His heart is beating against her ears, the steady beat comforting as she burrows into his chest. All it would take to curl up inside the cavity, tuck herself away from everything. Though she can’t physically shrink herself, she happily accepts the soft brush of his fingers over her scalp. “Tomorrow we can make it a mile and a half walk, since you missed out today.”

“You are trying to kill me.” The sentence is punctuated by a kiss to his jawline.

“Ace got scared by a bush today,” Calum relays with a soft laugh. “Some birds were in it and when they flew off, it shook the bush. He got a little freaked. I guess he was too occupied by the couple walking their dogs on the other side of the street.”

“He’s big but he’s a baby. Sounds like someone else I know.” The jest isn’t lost on Calum but he lets it slide for the moment being, taking in the feeling of her tracing patterns on his chest with her fingers.

311 notes · View notes

tomspancakes · 4 years

Text

This Way: Part 4

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 3580

Warnings: still a crazy ass bih lol. I can’t stop with the drama sorryyy

Summary: Y/n starts noticing how weird Tom is being and decides to confront him.

A/N: I think I’m going to post two days in a row then have one day off, but like a sis is nearing the end of her school year so let’s hope I stick with it haha. Please lmk if you’re enjoying this/ have any constructive criticism. ALSO I need help like ded ass don’t know if I’m stupid or if it’s tumblr’s fault, but when I tag people some of the tags don’t work :/ BUT don’t hesitate to ask to be a part of the tag list :)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

+++

*week and a half before lock down*

You opened the door to the flat exhausted after a long day of filming and walked into the living room to see Tom busy on his laptop. He looked up,

“Oh hi, y/n.” He shut his laptop and stood up, you gave him a strange look.

“Leaving already? Do I smell or something?” You joked and flopped on the couch. Tom has been acting really strange with you after the dinner with his family. Lately he’s been leaving you alone whenever one of the boys got up to leave as well. ‘Was he feeling awkward about being friends?’ you thought to yourself.

“Oh no no you don’t smell. You always smell nice,” He blushed because he said too much, “Just need to work on this script, Harry’s been on my ass about it.” He said and began to walk away before you could reply.

“What? Not even gonna ask how my day was... you know like a friend?” You teased and Tom sighed and squeezed his eyes shut and turned around

“How was your day, y/n?”

“It was long, tiring, and someone was really rude to me on the set.” You sighed and waited for him to sit back down so he could listen, but he never did, “Ok then… how about your day, Tom?” This was starting to get awkward,

“Didn’t really do anything, just ate and worked on the first act of the movie, which still isn’t done so if you’ll excuse me I’m going to my room now.” He said quickly, turning around again walking away.

“How rude. ‘Ya let’s be friends, y/n, it’ll be fun.’” You grumbled and mimicked him in an annoyed voice. Tom heard and felt really bad to pretend he didn’t.

You were now sitting on Harry’s bed watching him edit his short film and eating ice cream, he listened to how your day went,

“And oh my god one of the stunt fighter guys was being a straight up asshole,” You rolled your eyes eating another spoonful of ice cream,

“How so?” Harry asked

“Well I kept messing up this one stunt where I was in heels and we ended up filming it 7 times. I mean I felt bad for wasting time, but that was until the dickhead said, ‘I don’t even know why they casted you, it’s a simple stunt just get this shit down already so we can move on!’” You said in a deep voice mimicking the guy, “I was so embarrassed, but thankfully Ryan stood up for me. Still ruined my day though.”

“What the hell? What kinda asshole-,” He got up from his spot on the bed all riled up, “Who is this guy? I’m gonna end him. Does he even realize how damn hard it is to do a stunt in heels?” You laughed at Harry’s protectiveness, “Tom literally took half a day to film one stunt and he wasn’t in heels!” You shrugged.

“Sit your ass back down. Thanks for trying to protect me, but everything will be fine, I’m strong. It’s business gotta suck it up.” He rolled his eyes and jumped on you with a bear hug. You laughed and tried to push him off of you, but he was too heavy.

“Harry, you bitch, I can’t breathe.”

“I just want to protect my best friend.” He said before letting you go and going back to editing.

“Speaking of Tom, have you noticed that he’s avoiding me?” You asked quickly.

“Huh? I haven’t noticed anything of the sort. I mean you guys are both really busy right now aren’t you?” You nodded and rested your head on Harry’s shoulder,

“I mean I guess, but haven’t you noticed like yesterday when you left the kitchen Tom rushed a bit to leave also?”

“Oh yeah I forgot about that, it was quite strange now that I think about it.”

“Yeah Tom’s been doing that to me ever since we left your parents’ house. And when I got home today I tried to talk to him about my day, because you know I thought he’s my friend, and he just said he really needed to work on the script and left to his room!”

“Hmm, I did tell him to finish the first act by tomorrow, but he’s been working in the living room all day. Said something about his room being more of a distraction. Also it’s not like Tom to leave without hearing someone out. He always listens.” You just sighed,

“I guess he thinks it’s still weird to be friends. I tried, sorry, Harry.”

“Please don’t give up just yet, y/n, maybe he’s just stressed or something. You know I wouldn’t want to pick sides.” You nodded and started to drift off to sleep and felt Harry remove the bowl from your lap.

“Y/n, love, wake up.” you were being shaken by Harry.

“Huh? Oh sorry, did I fall asleep?” You asked groggily and he laughed,

“Yeah and I finished editing the short film!” You jumped up no longer tired anymore.

“Oh my god yay, Harry! Can I see it now pleaseeee?” You jumped up and down on the bed.

“Tomorrow, love, it’s 1 am now and I want to show everyone in the house at the same time.” You pouted and he laughed.

“Fine then be like that. But I’m proud of you.” You hugged him, “Good night, Harry, can’t wait to see the finished product!”

“Night, love.” He chuckled and you walked out with your empty dish.

You pulled out your phone and opened the Instagram app to see that Tom posted something on his story about 30 minutes ago. It was a picture of the script and his foot captioned, “Working on something big, like my big toe.” You giggled a bit and muttered, “Idiot.” The next story post was from Tuwaine, it was a picture you all took together after breakfast when Tom burnt himself. You were laying across the boys’ laps and Tom was happily looking down at your smiling face. It was captioned, “If lock down happens, it’ll be a real party with these people.” You smiled and reposted it to your story.

As soon as you reached the kitchen you saw Tom sitting at the counter and typing away on his laptop.

“Hey, Tom, still working?” Tom jumped at the sound of your voice.

“Jesus, don’t scare me like that. And yes I couldn’t sleep, b-but I think I’m getting tired now.” He was about to close his laptop and leave, but you stopped him.

“Oh my god… I’m just gonna put my dish in the sink and leave.” His frazzled expression turned to a relaxed one and he sat back down typing again, refusing to look at you. You began to walk away then felt the urge to ask,

“Tom, a-are you avoiding me?” It came out quieter than you thought, you felt vulnerable. He stopped typing for a brief moment when you asked.

“No, definitely not. Why’d you think that?” You walked back to the counter and stood across him leaning on the surface.

“I’ve been noticing that you're in a rush to leave the room when we’re alone…” Tom continued to type, but incorrectly because of his nerves.

“Oh, I-I’m sorry, love, didn’t mean for you to think that. I’m just busy is all, I promise.” He said and pointed at the laptop.

“Too busy to hear your friend rant about her day?” You asked and he sighed. His heart dropped when you called yourself his friend.

“I’m afraid so, love. Now why don’t you go sleep don’t you have to film tom-” You cut him off getting tired of the excuses,

“Tom cut the shit, I know you’re avoiding me and I don’t get why.” Tom sighed as you rambled and he put his laptop to the side because he wasn’t getting anything done, “I really appreciate you letting me stay here, but shouldn’t we at least talk a little bit? I mean I was ready to be friends with you for Harry’s sake and then we talked at the dinner and then I was genuinely ready to start off on a new foot. I’ve been trying so hard to reach out to you and you’re literally avoiding me now. Like are you even trying at all? Because I don’t-” Your eyes began to water. Tom got too frustrated and cut you off,

“Y/n I can’t talk about this right now. Please, it’d be better if we discussed this another time.”

“What the hell? Are you being serious? You were a dick when we broke up, you were a dick when I tried to reach out to you, and now you’re being a dick for putting our so called ‘friendship’ on ho-”

“Y/n, stop! Ok? I get it. You can call me a dick and an asshole whatever you want, but this is all for you! Everything I do is for you or because of you! So just leave me the fuck alone, please.” His voice cracked when he said the last sentence.

“What the hell are you talking about? What are you doing for me?” You stared at him confused.

“I can’t say anything, it’s for the best. Just drop it.” You looked at one another, tears threatening to fall out of Tom’s eyes, you hadn’t noticed you were already crying.

“No. I’m not gonna leave until you tell me what’s going on, Tom. I care for you and I want to be here for you, just tell me what’s going on please.” He looked at you and furrowed his brows making tears stream down his cheeks, it hurt to see you so sad especially since he caused it. He turned around in distress and brushed his hands through his hair before turning back to you. He looked into your eyes and sighed knowing there was no way out of this situation.

“I’ve been avoiding you because I told Allana you’re my ex.”

“Ok and what’s so ba-”

“Let me finish, y/n, please.” You apologized softly.

“I told her not to tell anyone because I didn’t want to break the promise of letting the world know that we dated. A-and she threatened to spill the secret if I didn’t stay away from you. She said if I ever told anyone about what she said or if she ever saw me close to you again she’d expose us right away. I-I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship because I decided to be honest to my two-faced girlfriend.” All this information hit you like a train.

“Wow, what. a. fucking. Bitch.” You said stunned, Tom scoffed.

“I feel like an idiot for not listening to the boys and not seeing the red flags.” He sat back down and put his head in his hands.

“Hey don’t worry, I didn’t notice anything either. Hell I tried to help her. Maybe we’re too gullible…” What you said didn’t really help so Tom began to sob a bit. You walked over to his side and put a hand on his forearm so that he could look at you. His heart was racing at your touch.

“Look, I know Allana is bat shit crazy, but…” You paused thinking if this was a good thing to tell him, “I uh I don’t think I can have you avoiding me all the time, I want you in my life,” He looked up at you surprised, “a-as a friend.” His heart dropped, was that all you were ever going to see him as? A damn friend?

“Ok, but Allana will tell everyone, and I know how much you care about your privacy.” He said with a stuffy nose, you grabbed a tissue for yourself and Tom.

“I know, but we’ll figure out a way. We were clever enough to hide a 6 month relationship.” You smiled, but you both felt sad when you mentioned your past. He got up and wrapped you in his arms tightly. You swayed back and forth as you felt wet droplets fall on the top of your head, and you soaked Tom’s white t-shirt. You both weren’t crying only because of what just happened, but because you missed one another in a way that words can’t explain. You let out the tears you didn’t cry from when Tom didn’t respond to you and remembered the nights you’d go through old pictures of you and him alone. Tom was crying out all the tears he wanted to let out when he saw that picture of you and Gavin and from the nights that he craved your touch. He tightened his arms around you like it was the last time he’d ever see you.

“Allana might be watching from outside the window, I’m gonna let you go now.” You said and Tom chuckled sadly letting you go, “We’ll talk about what we can do about this situation in the morning or another time.” You smiled kindly at Tom and he nodded. Tom grabbed your hand softly before you could walk away and pulled you close. You gulped because of how close you were to him,

“Thanks for being so kind, sleep well. Goodnight, y/n.” You smiled and replied,

“Thanks for being more kind to me. Goodnight.” You gave him one last hug and walked away feeling relieved while Tom still felt guilty despite what you said. He still felt like he needed to do more.

You woke up at 8 AM feeling a lot happier for some reason. Maybe it was because you cleared things up with Tom last night or because you were going to film a really exciting scene today with some new people.

You walked into the kitchen, “Goodmorning boys!” You said enthusiastically walking up behind where Harry was seated and gave him a hug from behind.

“Ew why’re you happy?” Harry asked, still tired.

“Morning, y/n!!” Tuwaine and Haz said in unison. You grabbed a bowl and poured yourself a bowl of cereal.

“Harry, when are we gonna watch your film, I can’t wait any longer.” You complained.

“Maybe when you come back from set, I want to go back to sleep after I eat.”

“Ugh you’re so lazy.” You joked, “where’s Tom, isn’t he usually up by now?”

Tuwaine looked at the other boys then at you apologetically, “He uh left around 5 this morning.”

“Oh for an early workout or something?” You asked, taking a bite of cereal.

“No,” Tuwaine cleared his throat, “to Berlin, Germany.” You choked on your cereal.

“Wait what, you’re joking I thought he leaves in 3 days.”

“I don’t know exactly why he left, something about needing a few days for himself before filming. Which I understand because he’s been working hard.” Haz said and you furrowed your brows, was it because of what happened last night? Harry noticed your concern.

“Y/n, do you know exactly why he left?” You wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t. If the boys found out what Allana said they’d definitely do something about it and you couldn’t let that happen. You shook your head,

“Nope, I’m just as confused as you are.” You said coolly.

“Are you sure you don’t know what was making Tom stressed?” Harry asked as he pulled up in front of the studio.

“Ya, I’m sure. He’s avoiding me, remember?” It pained you to lie to Harry like that, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to let the world know you and Tom dated. Harry looked like he didn’t believe you, but he let it go.

“Ok then… Text or call when you need me to pick you up.” You thanked him again for dropping you off and walked to the set. You saw Lana and walked with her,

“Hey, babes, did you see the text from Melissa?” You shook your head no. Melissa was in charge of scheduling which scenes would be filmed every day, “She said everyone needed to meet at crafty’s before going to sound stage 32.”

“Really? Why?”

“Not quite sure, but there’s been rumors that filming will be postponed.” Lana said sadly.

“Wait, you’re joking.” She shrugged and shook her head as you guys entered the food tent, everyone already looking disappointed.

“Hi everyone, as many of you know Covid-19 was just announced as a world wide pandemic and we’ve just been shut down from shooting anymore scenes at least for two weeks.” Melissa said everyone groaning, “Yes I know this sucks, but please stay safe and healthy while we’re shut down. If you have a trailer here please make sure you clear all your things out because there will be a cleaning team here in two days to…” You drowned Melissa’s voice out

“Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse…” You sighed and dropped your head on Lana’s shoulder and she patted your head.

“Lastly make sure you all stay in the same shape you are in now, so nothing looks different when we resume shooting.” Melissa hopped off the table and everyone began to clear out to get their things. You called Harry telling him the sad news.

“I’m so upset, Harry, today sucks.” He patted your thigh as he made a right turn.

“It’ll be ok, love. I’m sure you will go back to filming in no time and you’ll actually miss having a break.” You just leaned your head on the window wondering if Tom at least made it safely to Berlin, and in that exact moment your phone pinged.

Tom: Hi, y/n, I assume the boys have already told you that I left for Berlin. I just landed. I’m really sorry for not giving a warning, but the space is for the best. I hope you can understand xx

You were upset with everything and everyone at this point and Tom’s text just ruined your mood more. How does he know what’s best for you? Mad and feeling petty you texted back,

You: k.

Tom: Please, trust me, y/n. This will help out our situation.

You: Last time I checked running away from your problems never helps the situation.

You threw your phone back into your purse annoyed.

“Oh shit, what the fuck is she doing here?” Harry asked, displeased. You looked up to see Allana pulling into the driveway just before you and Harry did.

“Great. Just fucking great. Harry, I think I’m gonna scream.”

“I think I will too. Can we just drive around until she’s gone?”

“That would be nice, but I think she already spotted us and won’t leave.” You pointed at her going to sit down on the porch. Harry groaned and pulled into the driveway. As soon as you and Harry stepped out the car she stood up and barked,

“Where the hell is Tom? He hasn’t texted me since yesterday afternoon, today is our 5 month anniversary.” Well that makes things more complicated. Harry looked at you with wide eyes, “What? Why’re you looking at her like that? Did you have something to fucking do with this, y/n?” She said giving you the dirtiest look ever. ‘Bitch I hope it wasn’t because of me.’ You thought. Harry got closer to you in protective mode.

“No no I swear. We were all surprised to see Tom gone this morning.”

“Gone? Where the hell is he?”

“He went to Berlin early. Now if you’ll excuse us we’d like to relax in our home.” Harry said not letting you talk, almost standing in front of you now. You both began to walk past her, but she squeezed your arm tight and yanked you back. You winced in pain.

“You bitch what did you do? Don’t even think about fucking lying to me.” Her eyes burned into your soul.

“Allana, what the fuck you’re crazy! back off!” Harry said, pulling you back behind him, “I suggest you leave now before things get more ugly.” He said in the most intimidating way possible.

“Ok, but the only thing ugly about this is whatever y/n did with Tom. I don’t doubt for a second that you’re a stupid whore. I saw that photo of you laying on him last night, and I’ve seen how you flirt with Tom you sk-”

“Allana that’s enough, go now!” Harry yelled and she looked surprised. She glared at you before stepping back, “Stay the fuck away from Tom he doesn’t need your ugly ass all over him.” “Allana, sweetie, we live in the same house. Quite dumb of you to think we can really stay away from one another.” You laughed darkly as tears of anger welled up in your eyes.

“Ok then, cunt. Go near him, I dare you. You have no idea what I’m capab-”

“Allana, I said fucking leave!” Harry was tired of this shit. Allana scoffed and finally drove away.

Harry turned to you cradling you in his arms as you let tears fall down your face, “I hate today…” you hiccuped, “a lot.”

“I know, I know.” He cooed. You looked up at him, “I know something is up, y/n. You need to tell me why my brother really left so I can help you.” You sighed and nodded.

“Ok let’s get you cleaned up.” He kept you close to his side and you both walked in. Tom was so wrong thinking him leaving would solve anything.

+++

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