the obsession with blood has like permeated every aspect of the things i find the most attractive on the simplest level. hmm

George Catlin - Portraits of a Grizzly Bear (1846-48)

fear is the mind killer

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN 2005 | dir. Ang Lee

why do ppl even say things like "the sociology/psychology behind wendy williams "the killer" .. what complex is she displaying she is literally right

also part of the danger of cutting for me is that whenever i do it im reminded of how much i like it ... :/

09.28.20

Aline Alagem - Day and night melt into a red cloud, 2024

i think im going to start self harm cutting again idk i can feel that urge gaining more strength within me . and plus... its hard for me to talk about self harm honestly without sounding like a really crazy person i think. but to me its not just like a bad coping mechanism/release, theres like other aspects to it like seeing my own blood which yeah ik is a pretty common thing but in recent years its become somewhat of a ritual blood thing for me that is separate from cutting in the bathroom when i was 15 because i was really sad about something. but blood ritual or not its not something i think would be great to do all that often. and i dont really. but this last year has really damaged my relationship with my impulse control, and i was already pretty impulsive. so now i also have the concern that if i start cutting again itll be like every week that i cut instead of like once every few months to once a year. but then another aspect i have about it is that i have some scars i like to keep up, like part of it is scar maintenance to me. but then also. what the hell

i didnt hit post limit . or whatever im just here because i kind of wanted to vent but on an account that has lessss followers than my main .

i cant wait for it to get dark out so i can go for a walk