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anonymouspuzzler · 10 months

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HAPPY UPDATE DAY!!! 🏠

After all this time, all this hard work, I can finally tell you all more about my work on Welcome Home beyond "Dude Just Trust Me I Work On It I Swear" !!

I've been calling myself the "production manager" because a lot of what I've done has been in that realm - making checklists and spreadsheets, doing research, sending emails, and generally keeping our wonderful team on track to do the incredible things they do, with all the support they need! I'm very lucky and grateful to get to support Clown and all the incredible actors and artists we've brought on!!

that said, over the time I've been part of this project (I looked back and realized February 1st this year is when it all Officially Began, can you believe it), I've gotten to work on some more obvious, visible things you'll find on the site today as well! most prominently, I am very proud to say, I was the curator of the very real Welcome Home exhibition!! Clown was extremely generous and supportive in letting me bring his work into the world this way, and with their help it became bigger and better than I ever could have dreamed! Though this iteration was very small and private due to our venue, I hope the few of you I know who attended enjoyed it very much, and for the rest, know we hope to find ways to host the exhibition in other and more public venues in the future! (Where and when, I don't know, but I'll work hard to make it happen...!)

As part of the exhibition, I was able to create a lot of new props to help build the world of Welcome Home! Most excitingly, I was able to create a real working toy telephone, and help Clown to find our talented group of voice actors to provide the recordings! And of course, I was able to meet dear sweet Wally and Home themselves, who were the sweetest little peanuts and a true pair of professionals! Just delights to work with!!

Though this was my most prominent contribution, somehow, that wasn't all! You will find bits and pieces of my art and writing all over the newest website update (some places more obvious than others...), and I was able to contribute to building many of the new and updated site pages as well! We've all worked so hard on everything you'll find there, so I hope you all enjoy the exciting new additions to the neighborhood!

My final little statement while I have my sweet little soapbox here... every last one of you who has provided support, even just one ko-fi tip, has Directly made this update Possible!! Not only do these tips allow us very literally to pay for supplies, art, voice work and the like, it very directly Supports and Improves the livelihoods of every single person involved!! so if you have the means, and would like to do so, please do consider tipping or subscribing to Clown and/or any of the other artists and actors involved!

And with all that... thank you, neighbors!! And Welcome Home!!

#anonymous puzzler talks #welcome home #partycoffin #long post /

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aspenfrosten · 19 days

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Hello! my name is Aspen Frost, and I am the host of the Entourage Subsystem! I am a Sheep-Wolf Demon with a passion for party games! I have dedicated the past two years of my life to streaming as a vtuber, but I am trying to live as my most authentic self (selves?) and be more open about my involvement as part of a system. I am also learning to be a little less of a front hog, and after careful deliberation I have decided to include my alters Exploit and Noelle in my journey as a creator! 💜 I'm loud, I'm proud, and I take no shit from anyone! I do my absolute best to make all my friends and supporters feel included in my community! freedom of expression and pursuit of health is so very important to me and my system! This blog will primary be run by me Aspen Frost, but the rest of The Entourage Subsystem has their own secondary blogs to post on, and I will be re-blogging all of their posts on this primary blog!

Exploit's Personal Blog

Noelle's Personal Blog

Mothra's Personal Blog

Aspen's Userboxes

Frequently Asked Questions this is for your well-being, not mine! I WILL KEKW AT: endogenic "systems" sourcecalls anti-recovery behavior uneducated singlets fakeclaimers TERFs anything I damn well please I WILL BLOCK ON SIGHT: MAPs/Zoos Loli/Shota ED/SH identity police transphobes homophones racists xenophobes

you may block me freely. I will not pursue you, contact you on an alt, or harass you. but if you're an idiot and you're posting about being an idiot online, I WILL laugh at you. I wish no harm on you, but you are hilarious and I hope you get help. I block freely as well, we both are in the right to curate our own social media experience. I abide by Twitch culture and Twitch social norms, as that is my primary platform. There's a fine line between being able to take a joke and being an actually shitty person. Do not cross that line with me. I WILL NOT ENJOY SHITTY HATEFUL JOKES. I WILL BLOCK YOUR ASS LOL.

I have addressed basically every problem people have ever had with me in these tiktoks (besides being a little bit of an asshat, which is something I am not sorry for or isn't misinterpreted)

Twitter thread about Anti-Grooming and prevention Tiktok Replying to the r/SystemsCringe Doc Tiktok replying to the Aspen Exposed Doc

if you have a problem with me, feel free to make a ticket in my discord server! I am happy to discuss and talk in good faith!

if you like me, you'll LOVE my friends! or if you hate me, you'll probably want to block them too! The Anti-Endo blocklist even made a convenient list of all my friends!

FOLLOW MY FRIENDS HERE!

#traumagenic system #did osdd #otherkin #plurality #pluralgang #plural system #plural community #plural #actually plural #osdd #endos dni #endos fuck off #system #system stuff #did system #anti endo #system things

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thefrogdalorian · 4 months

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So I checked AO3 this morning after a couple of days and was greeted by this sight:

I got very excited, this is a huge number! Right now I have one ongoing longfic and a oneshot I posted a couple of days ago that I was very proud of, so I thought some more readers had found them.

Well, I was pretty dismayed to discover that SEVEN of these comments were from someone who proceeded to go through my 182k word longfic and told me all the things they didn't like about it and personally disagreed with.

They started off as maybe a little bit judgmental, but nothing too personal, before culminating in this lovely little comment:

(blocked out potentially triggering content that was properly tagged on AO3)

It seemed to me as though they were disappointed that my fic wasn't what they wanted to read. Which is fine, but that's not the author's problem. It's on you as a reader to curate your own internet experience.

It is so unbelievably rude to go into the comment section of a fic and write something like this. Guess what: I had a beta at the time! I do not need one now. I also don't want to know what you don't like about the fic, nor do I want to be compared to other writers. Fanfic is a hobby, I do this because I love it and I post it online FOR FREE. I do not want unsolicited criticism in any of my comment sections.

Anyway, I wrote this particular 182,000 word fic in 2 months and I'd like to see them try to do the same, perhaps then they could judge others. Do I think I could do a better job now? Yes. Am I still proud of it though? Hell yes! It's my baby and got me back into writing, it proved my own capabilities when it comes to writing.

I've had far more lovely comments than horrible ones and I won't let this one keep me down. But I won't lie and say that it didn't take me aback and wasn't kind of difficult to process. Please don't do this to fanfic authors, we are fans and hobbyists, not professional writers.

Finally, I thought I'd write this handy guide for people who think like this particular commenter:

What To Do If You Don't Like a Fanfic:

Stop reading the fic

Close the fic

Go on with your life

Hope this helps! :)

#ao3 #writing #spud rants #fanfic #anyway i've had a good day personally bc i am finally at a point to book my driving test WOOO!!! go me #but just gonna take some time to sort out my feelings about this i think lol #sigh why do people

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starsandhughes · 1 year

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Penalty Box Series— Quin Hughes Edition (Part Three)

SERIES MASTERLIST

previous: two

next: four

MONDAY, MARCH 6, 2023

yourusername

liked by _quinnhughes, lhughes_06, and 6,893 others

yourusername welcome to my penalty box post game update: quinny huggy hughesy edition! due to saturday’s game being a blackout, i was unable to acquire photos. onto the current update!

quinn is now at 3 games without a penalty! NOT ONLY THIS, but saturday he beat the nhl record to have the fewest number of games to reach 200 assists in defenseman history! will not hesitate to say i cried of pure pride at this

ps. congrats @_eliaspettersson on the 300 points milestone last night and getting both the game opening and game winning goals in last night’s shootout! (so best friends of them to get milestones in back to back games!) so proud of you both💙💚

tagged _quinnhughes

view all 244 comments

_quinnhughes i’ll let the ridiculous nickname slide so say thank you, y/n/n! i love you!

yourusername i love you, too, quinny baby! i’m beyond proud of you

trevorzegras why does he get 90% good photos?

yourusername i like him better than you

_quinnhughes stay mad

jackhughes y/n told him to say that to seem cool^^^

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes HA you got called out!! (also congrats brother, i am also feeling a sense of pride for you)

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras thanks man😂

user1 i want y/n as a best friend this is so cute

user2 “quinny huggy hughesy”

lhughes_06 congrats to all of your accomplishments mentioned in this post! (especially the penalty box one) @_quinnhughes

yourusername that’s the biggest one of all

_quinnhughes thanks moose!

user3 congrats huggy and petey!!

jackhughes i guess i’m proud of him

yourusername try again

jackhughes “i am so proud of you quinny you’re my favorite brother and i love you so much”

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes thank you? love you, too, rowdy

user4 waiting for the day jack gets a penalty

user5 waiting for the day luke joins the devils and gets a penalty

trevorzegras my girlfriend carefully curating her comment section is very on brand i’m so in love with her

_quinnhughes this is my post go away

yourusername i love you, always, z❤️

_eliaspettersson thank you, y/n! i’m proud of him, too!

yourusername you’re ever so welcome <3

_quinnhughes thank you!

user6 so glad this update wasn’t the best part of the game!

yourusername (huggy and petey this comment is not for you!!) it was definitely miller’s fight

_alexturcotte congratulations quinner! proud of you, man💯💯💯

_quinnhughes thank you!

canucks so proud of our boys!!

#penalty box series: quinn hughes edition #penalty box series #quinn hughes edit #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes insta edit #quinn hughes au #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes #jack hughes #luke hughes #elias pettersson #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras #nhl #nhl imagine #vancover canucks

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definitelynotshouting · 6 months

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I have a question about the earlier chapters of LITD, it's been eating at my brain a bit thinking about it.

Basically i've been wondering if Grian would have died without intervention after the weakness potions? All the HC crew made it sound like Grian was dying like on deaths door, and everyone had to work to make sure he didn't in fact die because of the potions. So did Grian underestimate how weak he was and three potion's really might have been enough to kill him? Or did it just look like he was dying from the HC crew's perspective?

(ps also i'm obsessed with the LITD playlist and i'm listening to it nonstop and therorizing what might happen based on the song choices and also you have a banger taste in music aaaaaa)

This is such an excellent question!!! So Grian wasnt actively dying from the weakness potions-- my thoughts on potions and Watchers is that they just kinda interact a bit weirdly with Watcher biology, because they're created with Player utility code in mind and those are two separate codes inside two separate entities. Kinda like if you tried to give an alien aspirin; it might not be very effective, it might just plain kill them, it all sorta depends on how they would metabolize it and a million other factors.

The important point is that Grian took three weakness, which could absolutely kill a Player (and was indeed dangerous for him to take in his weakened state), and since the hermits at this point knew basically nothing about Watchers and Watcher biology, they treated the situation the way they would if another Player took the same amount. That combined with how physically frail and emaciated he looks, it really appeared that he was actively dying from the potions, and they didnt have the information necessary to understand that wasnt the case.

In many ways they still dont know a lot about Grian's situation, so they're coming at his care from the perspective of another Player. Its why Tango is so willing to believe him when he says he'll need five health potions to somewhat recover-- none of them know whether or not thats a lie, bc they know next to nothing about Watchers and how they work yet!!

Sjdbejdjd i hope this answered your question alright!!! This was a pretty long answer but i have to overexplain things or i will Die /silly

(also i am SO happy you like the playlist, i could write dissertations abt this playlist, i curate this playlist SO CAREFULLY and i have wildly specific criteria for it, its a labor of pure love and even unfinished-- bc its missing some VITAL scenes to be represented at this point in time-- it is smth i am still so deeply proud of :] so i am very happy you like it!!!! :D thank you so much for such a nice compliment!!)

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #grian #watcher!grian #hermitcraft #mcyt #txt

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vickyvicarious · 9 months

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She is quite odd in one thing: she will not admit to me that there is any cause for restlessness; or if there be, she does not understand it herself.

And here we have it. Lucy won't talk about what's bothering her. Well, or she herself doesn't know... but I definitely lean towards the former. I feel so sad for her, because I know that she hides her problems because that's what she's always had to do.

Lucy was really tired, and we intended to creep off to bed as soon as we could. The young curate came in, however, and Mrs. Westenra asked him to stay for supper. Lucy and I had both a fight for it with the dusty miller; I know it was a hard fight on my part, and I am quite heroic.

The girls have just come back from a four hour walk (roughly two hours to Robin's Hood Pier according to google maps) and are exhausted. I understand social rules affect everything, but I can't help feeling that Mrs. Westenra failing to notice her daughter (and guest)'s tiredness is very characteristic of her. She does what she wants and Lucy just has to fake a smile and go along with it. In this case, that means pretending to be interested in what he has to say when she wants nothing more than to get to bed. In general, it probably means hiding any negative feelings she has.

(I love Mina calling herself "quite heroic" here. She's joking of course, but little does she know it is one hundred percent true.)

I am so happy to-night, because dear Lucy seems better. I really believe she has turned the corner, and that we are over her troubles with dreaming. I should be quite happy if I only knew if Jonathan.... God bless and keep him.

Mina said that she was only writing tonight because she had made her diary a duty, and there may be some truth to that. But I think a part of it is also her wanting to get down on paper her hope for Lucy, and her satisfaction at having something good happen. Not just that - making it happen. It was Mina's idea to go on that walk, and it was lovely, and she thinks it has helped Lucy. That's both a big relief and something to be proud of. A better note to finish the day on than the earlier distress from the funeral. Of course, even then she couldn't help but think of and worry over Jonathan at the end. I think the cut off part is "if Jonathan is alive", at least in her thoughts. If she had written an end to that sentence it would probably be more like "if Jonathan is well," but that would still be failing to voice everything. And the fact that she does trail off feels like she's having an even harder time. She knows he can't be well at this point, so she can't write that. But she can't bear to put into words her true fears.

#dracula daily #lucy westenra #mrs. westenra #mina murray

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charon-cries · 2 months

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Sorry to ask but is there any Loki art that you can share with us? I am a huge fan of your artwork, and also a huge fan of Loki (Earth-616), I understand that you're not in the fandom anymore however if you could I'd love to see!

i do have loki art i could share, but unfortunately i'm really not willing to put my art under those search terms again!

i was fine with posting theo bell because only a more niche group of people that i'm comfortable with would know who he is and rb it, but i'm very unwilling to engage in the wider fandom now. it was just a mess, and posting felt miserable, and i want to curate my internet experience.

i <3 phase 1 loki fans and 616 fans, but i can't stop people who are into content which makes me uncomfortable from seeing my public posts, so i simply will not publicly post! a handful of people ended up acting extremely weird to me at the end there 🤷‍♂️ i hope u understand, fellow ikol enjoyer

sometimes i do share my Lokis (when i'm proud of them) in the @lokidanger 616 loki server! i don't draw him as often as i uses to, but He's In There

#it was like walking through a minefield after season 2 came out #three anons requested lokius fanart (i dont like the show and i'm not a fan of Him either and i was vocal about that)#i got a handful of hate anons #most of which i just deleted and did not publish #there are greener pastures #(the tma and de tags and the discord server)#anti loki series #anti loki show

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eatmangoesnekkid · 1 month

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My magnus opus body of work, "The Melody of Love" is incredibly anointed. I do not dare utter the word "anointed." I mean it with every bone marrow of me. I need your prayers though. I always tell people that I know I look young but I'm actually a really old soul and I believe in the power of prayer. Help me to get this book series out of you. When I say "prayer" I don't mean "begging." Prayer is decreeing and declaring and expecting that it is so! Birthing this 3-5 book series has been a slow journey. I adore the slow. I honor it. I also honor the dedication required to create audio books alongside The Melody of Love Series kindle and print formats is the most tedious and rewarding act of my life. To weave voice to text, rhythm to sound, texture, sensation and emotion in real time, is otherworldly creation. My voice in all of its range, mysticism, and uniqueness, it's all there. The length of measure you have to go through order to curate a “no sound” treatment in your space is pure magic. Authors who do this additional work I absolutely bow to you and salute.What you don't see behind the undeniable beauty, love, and regenerative arts on my social media page is how much of my life force chi I have devoted over the last 9 years to birthing this body of work. The only person who knows how much I had to raise my chi is my Beloved partner. I am proud to say that it will be a reading experience unlike anything else. I am very clear that something deeply loving, (internally) beautiful, unique, and truthful has bloomed in me since my first book was released 10 years ago. I do believe it is due to me being so close to this work--devotedly writing, listening, and reading and refining it over and over again over the years changed my own tissues for the brighter. My body profusely shakes as I type this to you. Amazing grace. One loveliness, India

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kloppinthekop · 1 month

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15 Questions, 15 Friends

Tagged by @kraeki and @ollieflopkins, my tumblr partners in crime hehe

Are you named after anyone? Nope! My name just happens to be something my non-English speaking Chinese relatives can pronounce.

When was the last you cried? Last night I laughed so hard that I cried at a friend’s birthday party when we were playing a silly game. This was a vast improvement over the previous few weeks, when I was crying every day out of frustration over work/colleagues. 🫠

Do you have kids? No. My family’s bloodline dies with me! 😈

What sports do you play/have you played? I am so incredibly not athletic, even though I’m obsessed with watching football (and baseball when I was younger). I did ballet from the ages of about 5-10 years old but I never made it to pointe, which is somewhat of a regret in my life… but I’m very short so I would never have made it as a ballerina anyways. 🩰

Do you use sarcasm? Yes, and it is one of the only ways I stay sane and refrain from saying very brutally honest things at work that would possibly get me fired.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Honestly, I’m not really sure. I think it’s probably different for everyone, but probably hair and face? And if they have a cool/unique sense of style.

What is your eye color? Brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Both, but if I absolutely had to choose one, then happy endings. Especially LGBTQIA+ movies—I’m so sick of sad gay movies that leave you without any sense of hope. There was a time when I sought out the most heart-wrenching stories possible, but now I just want my faves to end up happy.

Any talents? I like to collect small talents/skills here and there when I go into various obsessive phases. Currently I am pretty proud that I can make little earrings and bracelets and such using some chainmaille techniques. I also used to be very good at the piano and violin (my parents have a shelf full of my trophies, and I even won a major scholarship prize when I was younger) but I don’t really touch those instruments now.

Where were you born? Boston! But I didn’t grow up there.

What are your hobbies? Watching movies, listening to music, chainmaille, occasionally cooking or baking, singing along to Kate Bush in the car, etc.

Do you have any pets? No, but I would like to adopt a cat or two!

How tall are you? 5 feet even

Favorite subject at school? English literature — so much so that I got a PhD in it 📚

Dream job? To have no job, lol… But okay, in an ideal world where capitalism does not exist, I’d love to have a job where I could curate playlists, book recommendations, photo and art exhibits, etc. — maybe in a bookshop that I’d own with my queer friends and there would be cats and pretty cocktails and lots of tea.

Tagging (no pressure, esp. if you’ve already done it and I’ve just somehow missed it!): @mebiselfandi @stormoflina @onherereading @lexqa @trenty @photmath @liverpool-enjoyer @jarellquansah @lfc-xnda @moomin279 @immortaltale @trentxaa @endowataru @shob-chop-lai @across-light-and-dark

#tag game

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phaerlax · 5 months

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you as the WolfBoyGuy and me as someone who has just recently seen the puppy light, do you have any tips or what you'd consider Required Reading to get a good grip on writing wolf boys? moreso karu than garu just because i personally have a hard time writing dudes with as much bluster and "doesn't tend to default to conventionally agreed on niceties". i have (admittedly mild) torments I'd like to put him through >_>

Anon is asking me about blorbo... I have been training for this for so long... behold now the ramblings of a man possessed by two wolves. I'll talk a bit about how I approach writing Karu and then include some curated recs.

It took me some time to really get going on wolfboy fics; I also found it challenging to handle Karu's characterization. Two big reasons why:

Tsunderes are just difficult to do if you're grounded in realism. It's a very 'anime' archetype and people don't behave quite like that. This makes it harder to naturally reach for reasonable/appropriate responses when putting the character in situations. The big want/think/say/do splits can also complicate straightforward scenarios (e.g. the character wants something and does what he needs to do in order to get it. This path is often closed to the tsundere).

The game gives little insight into Karu's inner world. NU: Carnival is very dialogue-heavy in its narrative. When we do get introspection, it's often Eiden-focused. This means we basically never get to see the thought process that leads Karu to act this way or that, except in the rare instances in which he talks to himself (like in some H scenes when he goes "ugh it feels so good but-").

The style that I ended up developing for my angry wolf boy writings follows these principles:

Keep him silly. This is because I fundamentally see Karu as a comical character. Yeah, his personality can be traced back to traumas and there's a lot of interesting stuff to explore in that regard, but I am not personally interested in that tbh. The reason I love him is the wacky nonsense and ridiculous behavior that we see in the game. It was at first sight for me. I didn't need depth and I still don't XD Any advice and references I provide are skewed by that. I have a preference for almost never taking him seriously.

Mind his 'narrativization' tendencies. Karu is comically very enamored by the idea/narrative that he's a mighty warrior with many great skills who will conquer humanity and who should be respected and served. On some level, he knows this isn't entirely true, so he will sometimes (try to) avoid situations that would bring attention to his shortcomings. But most often he's trying to prove himself and get others to share his narrative. When something or someone reinforces the narrative, he gets proud, pleased or happy-flustered. When something or someone goes against the narrative, he gets annoyed and angry-flustered. He is very good at ignoring reality, however. Even though he'll seemingly take exception to every little slight, he moves on very quickly and pretends nothing happened. And though he's stubborn, he's also willing to surrender, cut his losses and 'try another day' when he's foiled.

Mix his narrativization with the narration a lot. This kind of free indirect discourse is just my style in general, but with Karu I find myself using it more intensely, to such an extent that the narration can get quite dialogue-like in how it expresses his thoughts. When I want to portray a 'tsundere stumble' moment, I sometimes make the narration interrupt itself as Karu consciously aborts a line of thinking that would lead him to unacceptable conclusions.

Let him just be rude for no reason and with little consequence. Karu's default way of addressing and dealing with people (other than Kuya) is rudeness. At best, he attempts some form of condescension in which the reason he's doing something 'nice' is because you're so weak and he's so awesome or whatever. Most characters seem to simply not mind his behavior and, again, it's usually played for laughs anyway.

Bibliography of Karu Studies

Keep in mind that many Karu fics are kuyaru, and Karu in kuyaru is quite different from the core of the character, since he's uniquely eager to please Kuya. Still, even kuyarus can have some nice insight.

who let the dogs out has a lot of juicy Karu inner conflict, and it even explores the ways in which such hangups make him outwardly grumpier. Due to kuyaru, it ultimately leads him to a place of submission, but his initial thoughts are very in-character.

Baser Instincts is a kuyaru in which Kuya gets to see the pups in a new light, because they help him in a difficult situation. It's another great source of inspiration for Karu struggling to express his feelings.

Bow Down! explores how he might react to Eiden letting him top, in a very true-to-character way.

Lonely at the Top is Karu/Dante, which means you get to see Karu at his prickliest and most insufferable, and how that can be managed.

A Matter of Pride is a good example of the 'concessions' dynamic that can be done in Eiden/Karu.

Goshujin-Ai is an older Karu/Yakumo and a good example of Karu feeling comfortable and doing the 'attempts at condescension' thing I mentioned before.

Slave number one, rub my chest again is me speculating on what it might look like for Karu to ask Eiden to do things to him and try to control sex.

Warden slander wolf Commander is probably a good example of the 'fine I give up but I'll get you next time' potential of Karu, as well as the kind of bleed-heavy narration I talked about.

Master, do you have another wolf besides me?! delves into Karu's potential for jealousy as a way of expressing affection. It's pretty canon-compliant because most of it is adapted from NEON Carnival.

There are many other fics in the Karufic Archive, but I think the ones above are among the best for the purposes of thinking about the writing.

Please feel free to talk to me non-anonymously if you ever want to discuss wolf boy content! As you can see I am cursed with thoughts and need places to put them. I'm also always very happy to do anything that I can to shepherd and sponsor GaruKaru content; if you go ahead with your impulse to write about them (please do) and want a beta reader, don't hesitate to ask~

#nu carnival #nu carnival fanfic #nu carnival karu

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queerprayers · 1 year

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I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and it’s really been helping restore my relationship with faith. So firstly I want to say thank you. <3 I also wanted to ask how you learned to deal with adversity so well? I’ve seen other blogs on here that frequently invalidate queer christians and openly say they are not valid. How can one believe in a god that would “make all people in his image” but then turn around and tell his people to hate what he had created?

Welcome, beloved! I'm so glad this can be a good space for you and you're very welcome. My ability to deal with adversity is actually currently being tested because I wrote out a complete response for you and Tumblr did not save my draft!!! And yet we press on. Hopefully this second try from scratch is still helpful/relevant. Please assume any lack of genius is because I used it all up the first time around. :)

I'm honored you think I deal with adversity well—I have a long way to go but I am proud of where I am. Partially I've learned because I had to learn. My greatest wish was to continue being in faith communities as myself, and that sadly inherently puts me in adverse situations. I'm lucky to generally have experienced passive/"well-meaning" homophobia in my daily life rather than active violence or abuse, but it is of course still a hardship. In many ways I am not given a choice—if I live as I am, this is what I will experience. I wish this were not the case, but it is—which means part of fulfilling my journey (existing as I am within my faith) means dealing with adversity, and because of my beliefs, I strive always to deal with it in loving ways.

I know I am connected to generations of Christians experiencing adversity, both from within and outside the church, and, like many of them, I have decided it is worth it to not give up my allegiance. To be clear, I have immense empathy and respect for those who leave the church for these reasons, and I would never shame them or consider them cowardly/weak—for those I know it has been an act of bravery, strength, and self-preservation. I want everyone to be free to make that choice—and I have (sometimes grudgingly) chosen to stay.

I similarly have empathy for those who attempt to repress or choose to hide/keep private their sexuality/gender—this is a very painful experience that I wish no one had to go through, but some are driven to it. There are generations of Christians (and queer people of all religions/cultures) who have experienced this, and it's often a choice between coming out or keeping your family/community/even life. Ultimately, some people do not wish to come out, not or ever. I do encourage people to be honest with themselves and God, and try their best to seek out affirming communities for their own health/well-being and ability to freely serve God, but again, this is a choice we are free to make—and I (joyfully and painfully, in an uncomfortable but safe environment) have chosen to be out.

I've had to learn how to curate my space on the Internet and generally avoid debates with strangers—my current rule when deciding whether to give someone time when they approach me with abuse is to ask, "Would answering this be useful (to me, to them, to those who might read it)?" and "Are they saying anything worth thinking about?" Often, the answer is no. Someone telling me to kill myself does not want to have a conversation, and there's nothing to respond to. But if someone shares a specific opinion, or cites a Bible verse, or criticizes a specific belief, then there's something there that could be useful to address. And then, of course, protecting myself is also relevant. It takes energy for me to write anything, but doubly so when I know the other person isn't approaching the conversation with the same love I attempt to. If I have the energy, and feel like there's something to actually say, sometimes I'll say something.

Whether I'm responding or deleting, I am called to keep moving with prayer and love. I can't let my beliefs go out the window when I get hurt or angry (although that happens to all of us sometimes). And always always I remember that it's never about me. Homophobia comes from ignorance/fear/disgust, and although I am sometimes the one directly addressed, I am not what these people have an issue with. Problems with me living as a Christian generally come from past trauma, ideological issues with certain theologies, or ignorance/disrespect of religion generally, not me existing. Again, I'm the one being addressed, but their (often justified) anger is not about me. I'm not trying to make excuses for people, but I am making the space for my own compassion and their ability to grow, as my religion has taught me. (Obviously this doesn't include instances in which I might be the one who has made a mistake/caused harm; I'm talking about unjust adversity people experience, not consequences of actions.)

I will point out that it is much harder to deal with people like this in person. Writing involves distance and time from the aggressor. I can take a deep breath, wait a few days, choose whether to respond, and reread my words before sending them, thinking about how they might be received. But on the street? In school hallways? There is no distance and no time, and there is sometimes a lack of physical safety as well. This is when I have most often given in to anger, or meeting disgust with disgust. Obviously this has often been self-protection and survival, and I do not fault myself or anyone for not meeting oppression with perfect calm—this is impossible and not a value everyone holds. (That's a whole 'nother discussion!) When possible, though, I do try to do what I do here—if I feel safe, if I have the energy, I'm open, I ask questions. People filled with anger/fear/disgust/ignorance often can't keep it up for long.

Why do people hate, especially when they claim to value love? I don't have definite answers, although I've provided some already. I do know that most of the homophobic people I know are not abusive/violent—they are well-meaning and put-together. They genuinely want what's best for people, and think that guiding people toward repression or conversion therapy or mandated celibacy will guide their life towards God. This is a deeply mistaken perspective, that causes real harm and is full of ignorance, but I do not experience it as hate (although there is a violence present). They think I am not whole as I am, and think that loving me involves fixing me. This is not loving, but it is something I can understand more than outright abuse. It's another kind of adversity, one that sometimes hurts more long-term, partially because I can understand it more—I can't dismiss it. And these people have a hard journey—admitting they're wrong means admitting their whole worldview is broken, but also often includes making this judgment about their family/community, and might mean losing it. Again, I do not seek excuses, but context and space.

In my life, I prove them wrong by living wholly, fully, and openly. I cannot make them see my happiness—we cannot force people to open their eyes. But we can show them light where we can. We cannot save them alone, but they can be saved, and they will be. ("Save" here meaning to fully experience love, not conversion or avoidance of a traditional Hell.) I know my patience and love (the little of it I can sometimes reach) can help people, because people have told me it has, and this an honor and a privilege and an overwhelming stress and a gift from a universe I cannot move. If the way I have chosen saves even one person, it is worth it—and if we include me, then it definitely has, but even if we don't, I have witnessed others' hearts change. Moving and writing and speaking with love will not fix everything, it is not magical, but Love will save all of us—They already have. Love (who is God) is with us, even when we cannot feel it, even when we don't have the energy to comprehend it, even when we are blinded and scared and cannot admit we are wrong.

My beliefs inherently make room for people to change, even when this truth makes me mad, even when I wish I could just give up on people. Christianity, at its best, equips us to take a deep breath and remember what we were made for. As Pentecost arrives, I hold the Spirit close—I've never spoken in tongues or been set on fire (and not to jinx it but I don't really desire to), but I've felt the wind on my face and bird-watched in my backyard and sat around a bonfire with people I love. I have so far to go, and the road rises to meet me.

In summary, TL;DR, don't mean to rant but always do: I learned to deal with adversity because I had to, and with practice, while honoring others, while figuring out a path of love in this weird and confusing life, even as I fail at what I set out to do all the time, God sees what I do in the name of survival, and gives me the strength to keep going. I know anger and fear and disgust and ignorance because they're in everyone; I know what it is to believe something and do things that go against that, because I do it all the time; I know what it is to hang on to things I've been taught even when they're harmful, because I've done that. We can only pray that they do not overtake us as they overtake those who hurt us.

Blessings to you as we move through an inhospitable world (and website). May we do all the good that we can.

Grant, O God, that your holy and life-giving spirit may move every human heart, that the barriers which divide us may crumble, suspicions disappear, and hatreds cease, and that, with our divisions healed, we might live in justice and peace; through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. —Lutheran Book of Worship (1978)

<3 Johanna

#asks #alright. take: 2. tangents: 12. hotel: trivago.#happy early pentecost!

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always-coffee · 6 months

Text

The Kind That Might Drown a Man

I have a piece of art that I love. It’s a siren, clearing drowning a man. It was painted by an artist who I considered a friend, who I spoke to nearly every day for three years. He used a rather artsy photo I had taken as a reference photo, with permission. (If we are mutuals, you may ask to see it.)

I was elated when he wanted to use my photo, to make art out of a piece of art (photos are art) I was proud of. I said yes, immediately. He was going to do a series of mythological characters, and I'd be the perfect siren.

When he showed me a photo of the finished piece and also when he posted it, I was happy. Then, he sent the original painting to me as a gift. I was over the moon. It felt cool. I felt cool. Seen, valued. It did something to combat an old wound of mine.

In the past, artists—people who I thought were friends, but who were only ever actually interested in getting into my pants (nooooope)—had asked to paint me. Reference photos were even sent. But the interest quickly fizzled when they realized that what was on offer was only friendship. It wasn't good enough, so those connections faded like sun-seared fog. No one is required to make art of someone, but when something flattering turns out to be wildly disappointing it is, at best, weird. At worst, it’s dehumanizing.

But back to the point: my friend made gorgeous art out of a photo I dearly loved of myself. It felt good, and I felt special. Fast-forward to years later, and I have severed that friendship. It turns out that, despite all the conversation and all the camaraderie and even the co-working we did together, he was a liar.

There were things he casually and purposefully lied about for no discernible reason. And when I discovered the truth, it gutted me. It felt worse than a romantic breakup in a lot of ways. I don’t like being lied to. At all. Tell me the awful truth, and I’ll deal with it. But purposefully, repeatedly, and knowingly abuse my trust? Absolutely unforgiveable.

I’ve spoken elsewhere on the internet about the details of the lies—the utter pointlessness of them. (Imagine, for instance, lying about who redid the landscaping in your backyard.) It was during the pandemic where we began talking in earnest, having entered each other’s orbit through a mutual friend in the art world. He seemed safe. We shared good news with each other, vented about the insanity of the world, swapped cute animal photos and funny memes. But the context of it all was impossibly and completely different than what I was told. The curated image I was given was a lie. Things were deliberately kept from me, information was twisted and distorted—and the kicker was that he lied to other people about me.

Again, for no reason. We’d done professional work together, and it was very public! And very fun at the time. But he apparently claimed we weren’t friends. The moment things started to feel wrong between us was easy to brush aside. Easy to explain away. Easy to understand. He was stressed, job hunting. I was dealing with myriad stresses of my own. No relationship is unmarred by life’s more than occasional weirdness. It’s easy to shrug things off. To ascribe to something banal, innocent.

Then, the truth came out. And honestly, I’m still sifting through the ramifications. The ways the deceit stuns me, even now, not just in the moment. How it felt peculiar to suddenly and wildly not know someone.

In the moment, I took the piece down. I put it away. I didn’t want to look at it. I couldn’t. It was too big of a reminder. It felt like mockery. Because what was it all about? What was the point of any of it? (These are questions that will never have answers.) I was—and still am—angry. Angry at the broken trust. The carelessness of it all. The cruelty too, so unnecessary in its articulations.

But what do I do with the art? Initially, I thought I’d burn it dramatically like Sylvia Plath and the letters. Or chuck it in the trash, as symbolic gesture of getting rid of it all, of closure. (Because there is none of that here, and that is fine. I do not want it. Nothing said could fix or mend or ease.) Getting rid of it, however, feels wrong.

It’s still beautiful. It’s still art. It’s still me.

But for now, it won’t hang where I can see it. It will not be a reminder of heartbreak and betrayal. It will not sit a monument to a lost friend, who was such a small, sad creature in the end. Because to act with such malice—and there was malice in the threads of it—is not the act of a kind or good heart. And I do not have space in my life for anything other than warmth and genuineness.

Someday—I don’t know when—I’ll put it out of the dark and either hang it up or give it away. Someday, maybe someone I love will want it, and I will want to give it to them. A moment of captured beauty, the kind that might drown a man—offered with love.

I’m glad I didn’t burn it, even as I am glad to have burnt that bridge.

#art #artist #friendship #betrayal #humans are weird #sometimes in the bad way #siren #siren painting #ali trotta #poet #hurt #relationships #I really hate being lied to #what to do when the feelings are hard #truth #trust

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sprout-fics · 1 year

Note

I want to write a fanfic but I’m scared people will either judge my writing skills or what the fic is about, do you have any advice for people who struggle to post their fic?

My first and foremost advice for fic has always been write for you. Write the things you want, how you want, and when you want. Nobody else gets to dictate those choices but you. It's true there's been a rising tide of entitlement in fandoms recently, and I can understand being hesitant about posting fic for the first time because of that. However there is so much joy to be had writing fanfic. So many of the people I hold dear are friends and fellow writers I've met through fanfic. No matter what you write or how you write it, there is a place for you.

I posted my first fic back in...2012? Christ... and was very nervous. Gonna be honest, my writing then was not great! But that's hobbies in general. People aren't born with the inherent ability to write perfectly, it's a skill that's honed over time. I myself am still improving and finding news and better ways to tell stories. Part of that is resigning myself to the fact that sometimes I have to write badly to be better. However it could be you have a natural born talent and your potential readers have been waiting to see it!

You may not get much of a response first from folks, that's to be expected. However that's all the more reason why you should be focusing on things that are fulfilling for yourself and not others. I've seen folks fandom chase and trope chase on here and I see how burnt out they get in pursuit of interaction. It's a losing game, and I hope you don't fall prey to it.

In addition, remember to tag. I've had and seen plenty of cases where someone reads a fic with something they don't like and then complains despite the fact it was tagged. If someone does this to you, and I cannot emphasize enough, it is not your problem. It's like someone hating coconut and then seeing a coconut flavored dessert and going 'Wow, this looks delicious- why is there coconut in this?!' It is their responsibility for curating their experience. Not yours. Delete/block/ignore them and move on.

and to those reading this who are readers and not writers- be kind to beginning writers. Do not offer them (or ANYONE) unsolicited feedback. No 'concrit' unless SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR. I've heard people say 'Oh I stay away from the 'my first fic' tag'. Consider giving those writers a chance. Leave a lovely comment. You have no idea how encouraging that can be for someone new to fanfic. By doing so you are cultivating a community, a place for all of us.

and anon, honey? You're doing great. I'm proud of you. Let us know how it goes.

#writing advice #writing help

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lostmyremembrall · 1 year

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Hihi! Congratulations on your 1k milestone!! Glad to see your works being recognised OMGOSH😭😭 been following for quite a while now around the time since you started I think?? So happy for you AHHH

Could you do -𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞 — 🐍 for me of that's okay?

-𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞 — 🐍

Go on a date with Tom! Send in anything you're comfortable sharing about yourself, and I'll write a mini HC of date with Tom, specifically curated for you.

My friends call me shan, and I'm a really energetic person in general. I like to socialize with people a lot, especially with people who are interested in the same things as I am. I love doing art such as drawing or painting- and reading too. Also, I really love cats a ton and im a hufflepuff🫡

Anyways, once again congrats on this incredible milestone!! Will be watching your growth💪💪

🐍 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐂 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐨𝐦

𝓢𝓱𝓪𝓷

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝐽𝑜𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 1𝐾 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡!

A/N: Aww, thank you so much! You've been here for a long time then! Thank you for tolerating and sticking around with my amateur writing haha. I'm so thankful to have a supporter like you🥰

Here it is!

You're definitely the social butterfly while Tom likes to lurk in the background sipping a drink.

Tom admires your ability to socialise considering his social energy doesn't last very long (although when he does use it, he puts it to a very good, efficient use).

He likes to joke "Your Hufflepuff is showing" in those cases where you're radiating positivity and friendliness, able to make anyone feel at home.

A date with him would include walking the Hogwarts grounds until you find the perfect subject, the perfect lighting, etc.

You bring out your tools and a canvas/sketchbook, by the Great Lake, for example.

While you draw/paint/sketch, Tom would read next to you. Sometimes reading out loud the parts he felt strongly about, or had opinions regarding it and ask what you think.

Tom absolutely loves these long hours of just chatting with you about various topics because he loves learning about your thoughts, feelings, world view.

Somehow, these hours spent with you and you alone, his social energy never seems to run out.

You don’t say this to anyone, but you often catch Tom distracted from his book, staring up at you with admiration and adoration as you paint.

Sometimes he’d model for you.

Whenever the discussion gets heated, you sometimes say “models shouldn’t be moving,” to end the conversation.

He’d bitterly bite down on his smile and swallow his counter argument, but will still oblige and return to his pose.

Tom is extremely proud of you as an artist.

He does feel that he is lacking in knowledge of high arts compared to other purebloods.

But, still calls you “My Little Monet”, “My Da Vinci” as a sign of affection.

Even though you may feel that your style looks like none of these artists, you find it endearing that Tom is trying his best.

You have a cat best friend at Hogwarts. You love spending time with them, and they like to follow you as you go to paint.

Unfortunately, you and Tom found out that Tom is wildly allergic to cats.

He still loves hanging out with you (maybe less so with your cat), so on days when your cat decides to accompany you, you will find Tom sneezing nonstop.

Usually, by the time his red eyes start shedding tears, Tom will excuse himself with a quick kiss to your forehead.

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intermundia · 1 year

Note

Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I saw earlier today that you and another Obikin writer I really enjoy left/had to take a break from twitter, and I wanted to send some love. I figured this might happen because that side of the fandom has become really aggressive and uncomfortable (and frankly, really creepily fetishistic), like, legit acting like schoolyard bullies over their kinks, and I wanted to send some love and support your way. You're an amazing writer and seem like a lovely person, and I'm really sorry you were made to feel so uncomfortable and unheard by what should've been your own community. No one deserves to be forced to see their identity constantly reduced a fetish, or worse, a joke. You're not alone, and you're very appreciated.

No need to post this, but I just wanted to slide some <3 to you after a rough few days (weeks, months, etc) in the Obikin fandom.

thank you, this means more than i can really say. being trans is a source of a great deal of pain in my life, pain that i do in fact get therapy for, but i'm trapped living in an area where transition is impossible, fascists bring AR-15s to pride, and there's no way for me to live a life that is authentically my own. i'm trapped in a body that i hate and has caused me just so much pain and grief.

i have used that pain and turned it into art, writing almost 700k words of obikin stories that i've given away for free to other people, especially meant for the ones suffering like me, trying to offer them solidarity and escape. people have enjoyed them and i'm proud that i've made connections with people this way. it's healed something inside of me that i hadn't known was a wound that even could heal. i guess for the first time, i didn't feel lonely. the community has given me meaning back to my life, and i am grateful beyond words.

so many people have been accepting and kind, that i took it for granted.

i just.. obikin has been the first community where i felt seen and accepted for who i was. i love obikin so much, and obikin twitter was a site i wanted to join because i kept getting links for incredible art and wanted to just see it all myself. i met such cool people there, and have had a mostly wonderful time engaging with other people who are just as obsessed with obikin as i am.

however, there is a small community of people on that site who really, really love the kink of feminizing men, drawing them in an exaggeratedly feminine style with breasts, mpreg, and lactation, and calling him "mommy" over and over, things which make me very uncomfortable, but i strongly support their right to make the art they like.

SO i have spent literal months blocking and muting every single time i see it. i know very well that my triggers are not other people's problem. it's frustrating that sometimes when i have blocked people, it's been seen as rude by the blocked people, but the alternative is to see content that makes me intently uncomfortable, so what do they want me to do? i don't shame people for liking it, again it's a ME issue, so i've tried so hard in good faith to curate my feed.

but no matter what i do, almost every time i log into twitter, i still see untagged images of kinks that i find just really upsetting. so i asked for people to tag their feminization stuff as a courtesy so that i could effectively filter it out. i didn't demand it, just explained that it hurt and like, asked for some consideration. i just figured that idk once people realized they were inadvertently hurting others they would be kind enough to stop. we're all part of the same community, and it's what I know others in the space would be kind enough to do.

it didn't seem like that big of an ask to me. idk i'm like. genuinely hurt that people would do that and don't understand why they couldn't just either tag it or block me for asking if they didn't want to. either would have been fine! it was hard seeing the general sentiment being that people should just get over it and avoid asking for help. it felt like people were choosing to be mean instead of kind, and i felt shamed and rejected from participating with everyone else bc my trauma was inconvenient.

idk i just thought in a space for queer people to enjoy transgressive fiction there would be more understanding of the diverse needs and sensibilities of the community. i think tagging kinks is a low-energy way to help protect other people who are passionate about obikin, and it makes other people feel welcome and heard in a space that's for everyone to share.

i've been really hurt by this experience, and it's started to feel like.. if my feelings don't matter as a member of the obikin community, why am i offering thousands of hours of my time to them? as someone who writes from a place of pain rooted in my trans identity, it seems pretty unfair that they're entitled to feast on the fruit of my hurt if they don't care about me as a person at all.

tldr; i left twitter and don't think i'll be going back.

#long post #gender talk #sorry to go off but i'm like #deeply hurt to the point i want to stop writing #and writing is my coping mechanism so like #idk #why are people mean when they could be nice?

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