#i always love talking about myself and my life
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My Missing Piece
616!Wanda x 199999!Fem!Reader
Summary: You've lost your wife Wanda. Leaving you alone with your twin boys to try and pick up the pieces. What happens when the Scarlet Witch comes looking for her boys?
Word Count: 10.4K
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, R calls W Mommy, W uses pet names, enchanted strap use, Dom!Wanda, sub!reader, overstimulation, magic restraints, depressive thoughts/episodes.
A/N: Made this forever ago and forgot about it until like two days ago lol. I really liked the idea of this so I hope you guys enjoy~ Also I decided that world 199999 (which was the original MCU world number before MoM turned it to 616) is just a parallel world where no one died :)
Every night after tucking my boys, Billy and Tommy in to bed, I have a bit of me time. Sometimes I watch TV, sometimes I'll scroll through social media on my phone, sometimes I'll write because I was told that was supposed to help with grief, it hasn't so far, what helps the most is when I talk to her before bed, "I miss you Wands...our boys miss you too...of course they love their Mama, but you're their Mommy. You carried them for nine months, you were in labor for just over a day." Tommy was born first 12 minutes ahead of his brother Billy. "You gave so much for our boys and our life here and I wish you had never said yes to that mission after all these years..." I break down, quiet sobs wrack me as I curl up on her side of the bed. It still smells like her.
I let sleep take me as I have the same dream I do every night. Wanda, but not Wanda...some twisted version of her with black fingers, and she just seems off, but she's searching, as if she can see me? She's looking for our boys. Every morning just as she finds me, us, I wake up. Dried tears on my cheeks and my eyes red. The bags under my eyes have never been darker, but I cover them up as I get out of bed to start yet another day without my wife.
The alarm blares through the quiet of the room, jolting me awake from my restless slumber. With a heavy sigh, I reach over to silence it, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Another day begins, much like every other since she left us.
I stumble out of bed, the weight of grief still heavy on my shoulders as I move through the motions of the morning routine. It's a struggle to keep it together, but I have to be strong for Billy and Tommy. They need me, even though every fiber of my being aches for her presence.
As I make my way downstairs, the memories flood back, hitting me like a tidal wave. Wanda was always the light in our lives, her laughter echoing through the halls, her warmth enveloping us like a comforting embrace. But now, there's only emptiness.
I try to push the thoughts aside as I prepare breakfast for the boys, forcing a smile as they bound into the kitchen, their youthful energy a stark contrast to my own weariness. They chatter excitedly about school and friends, oblivious to the pain that lingers beneath the surface.
After they've eaten and headed off to catch the bus, I sink into the solitude of the empty house once more. It's in these quiet moments that the ache is most palpable, the absence of her presence a constant reminder of all that we've lost.
I find myself drawn to her belongings, unable to resist the pull of her memory. Running my fingers over the familiar objects, I'm transported back to happier times, when our love felt invincible, untouchable by the darkness that now threatens to consume me.
But amidst the despair, there's a flicker of something else. A determination, a resolve to keep going, if not for myself then for her. She wouldn't want me to wallow in sorrow, to let the grief consume me. She'd want me to live, to cherish the memories we shared and find solace in the love that still remains.
With a deep breath, I push myself to my feet, wiping away the tears that threaten to fall. Today may be another struggle, another battle against the pain, but I refuse to let it defeat me. For Wanda, for our boys, I'll find the strength to carry on, one day at a time.
The day went by quickly and soon enough the boys were home filling up our home with noise once more,
"Boys homework first or no ice cream!" I call from the kitchen when I hear them start to fight over player one controller.
"Awww but Mama!" They whined.
"So you boys don't want ice cream tomorrow night either I see." I hear them grumble and then the TV go off, the sound of the dining room chairs scraping as I look over my shoulder to see they're working. "There are my good boys." I turn back smiling as I carry on with prepping dinner. Suddenly something feels off. A pit in my stomach starts forming and I feel eyes on me, not the boys though these feel predatory.
I look up and through the window I don't see my own reflection, I see Wanda, the same one I see in my dreams.
My heart leaps into my throat as I freeze, the knife in my hand forgotten as I stare wide-eyed at the impossible sight before me. It's her, but it's not. The twisted version from my nightmares, black fingers reaching out like tendrils of darkness, eyes filled with a hunger I can't comprehend.
I feel a chill run down my spine as her gaze locks onto mine, a shiver of fear coursing through my veins. Instinctively, I reach for the pendant hanging around my neck, fingers brushing against the smooth surface of the purple power stone embedded within. It's a comforting weight, a reminder of the power that pulses through me, but even it feels insignificant in the face of this apparition.
"What do you want?" I manage to choke out, my voice barely above a whisper. But she doesn't answer, only continues to stare, her presence suffocating in its intensity.
Desperation claws at the edges of my mind as I struggle to make sense of the situation. Is this some kind of illusion, a trick of the mind brought on by grief and exhaustion? Or is she truly here, some twisted echo of the woman I loved?
Before I can gather my thoughts, a sudden crash from the dining room snaps me back to reality. The boys, my precious boys, oblivious to the danger that lurks just beyond our walls. With a surge of adrenaline, I lunge forward, grabbing the nearest weapon within reach.
But as I turn back to face the window, she's gone, vanished into thin air like a wisp of smoke. The only evidence of her presence is the lingering sense of unease that hangs heavy in the air.
I rush to the dining room, relief flooding through me as I find the boys unharmed, their laughter filling the room once more. But even as I hold them close, a sense of dread lingers, a silent reminder that darkness still lurks just beyond the edges of our reality.
"Mama is everything okay?" Billy asks as I hold them, kissing the top of their heads.
"I just thought one of you got hurt. I'm happy you boys aren't." I lie to them as to not worry them, but Billy looks at me trying to search my thoughts. "Hey no mind reading little man." I ruffle his hair. "Everything is fine. If you boys are finished you can play one game, dinner will be ready in 15 minutes." The minutes tick by slowly as I finish preparing dinner, the aroma of comfort food filling the air. I glance at the clock, realizing that my boys are engrossed in their game, blissfully unaware of the turmoil swirling within me.
With a heavy sigh, I take a moment to compose myself before calling them to the table. As we gather for the meal, laughter and chatter resuming, I try to push the unsettling encounter out of my mind. But deep down, I know it's not over.
As we eat, the boys share stories from their day, their infectious joy momentarily easing the ache in my heart. I force a smile, savoring these small moments of normalcy in our fractured world.
After dinner, as the boys retreat to their rooms for the night, I find myself once again standing by the window, staring into the darkness beyond. The pit in my stomach returns, the unease settling in as I feel a presence lingering just out of sight.
The room is silent, save for the hum of the refrigerator and the distant sounds of the night. I close my eyes, summoning the courage to speak the words that linger on the tip of my tongue.
"Wanda, if you're out there, if you can hear me, please... don't hide. I don't know what's happening, but I can't face it alone. I need you, now more than ever." My voice trembles with a mix of desperation and longing.
The air remains still, the response elusive. I wait in silence, hoping for some sign, some reassurance that I'm not losing my mind. But the universe remains silent, withholding its secrets.
"Gods I feel like I'm going crazy Wands...how am I supposed to do this without you?" I feel the hot tears in my eyes, streak down my cheeks then suddenly a loud bang from the living room, the sound of a portal. "Stephan? Is that you?" It wasn't uncommon for Stephan Strange to pop in and check on me and the boys. Stephan had lost his love many years ago. Before I reach the living room, I hear the familiar sound of heels clicking on my hard wood flooring. Suddenly I'm standing face to face with the Wanda I've seen in my dreams...."W-Wands?" I questioned,
"A version. I've lost something precious to me and I've come to get it back." I look her over. It's Wanda, but not mine. As I get closer, Her hair is a different shade, her eyes are a little less of an emerald green and more of a sea green, this Wanda has a scar on her forehead, just above her left eyebrow.
"Oh...what has your universe done to you Detka?" I ask softly reaching out and she grabs my wrist with a force.
"It took everything from me." She seethed. "I want my boys back. I'm taking them." She tosses me aside like I'm nothing. Luckily with the power stone embedded in my chest. I push back, barreling back into her. Tackling her to the ground until I'm on top of her and it's then that she notices my stone, "You have the power stone...how? That's impossible. I've seen it kill people that touch it.
"I'm tough that's why my Wanda loved me." I had her pinned and used my own magic to subdue her. "I've been called the Violet Witch here for years. It became my code name."
"That can't be..." I give her a questioning look. "I'm the Scarlet Witch." She tells me, the scarlet witch? Wanda never said anything...? I stumble back off of her, reeling, "The Scarlet Witch." I let out a dry chuckle, "It makes sense, but I can't let you take my boys. If I loose them then That means I've lost my Wanda and them. I might as well die." I tell her,
"Wait so your Wanda is gone?" She asks. I nod,
"She was needed for a mission. I begged her not to go, we had retired from being Avengers 10 years ago when we found out she was pregnant. She told me everything would be fine. She promised me...and then suddenly I have Strange and Parker on my doorstep with Bucky and Sam behind them carry the casket." I feel my eyes blur as I walk over to the scarlet witch, "If you are another her then," I take her hands putting them up to my temples and ease my forehead onto her, letting my memories over the past ten years flood through her mind.
As our minds intertwine, I feel a rush of memories flooding into her consciousness. The love, the loss, the moments of joy and heartache that have shaped my existence since Wanda's departure. It's a whirlwind of emotions, a bittersweet symphony of love and grief that binds us together in ways I never thought possible.
For a moment, there's a flicker of recognition in her eyes, a glimmer of understanding amidst the chaos of her own turmoil. She sees the depth of my pain, the desperation to hold onto the fragments of a life that's slipping through my fingers.
But as quickly as it came, the moment passes, and she pulls away, her expression hardening once more. "I'm sorry for your loss," she says, her voice tinged with a hint of sympathy. "But my pain is just as real. I've lost everything too, and I'll do whatever it takes to reclaim what's mine."
I feel a pang of empathy for her, a shared sense of anguish that transcends the boundaries of our separate worlds. But beneath it all, there's a primal instinct, a fierce determination to protect my boys at all costs.
"I understand your pain," I reply, my voice steady despite the turmoil raging within. "But my boys are not yours to take. They belong here, with me, with their family."
She narrows her eyes, her resolve unwavering. "Then we're at an impasse," she says, her tone final. "I won't leave without them."
I take a step forward, meeting her gaze with steely determination. "Then I guess we'll just have to see who's stronger," I say, my voice echoing with a newfound resolve.
With that, the battle lines are drawn, two versions of Wanda Maximoff facing off against each other in a clash of wills and power. But amidst the chaos and uncertainty, one thing remains clear: no matter the outcome, I'll do whatever it takes to protect my boys and honor the memory of the woman I loved.
Her eyes meet mine, a mixture of pain and longing mirrored in their depths. The tear I wiped away lingers on her cheek, a testament to the shared sorrow we both carry. The silence stretches between us, heavy with unspoken emotions, and for a moment, time seems to hang suspended.
"I... I don't know if I can stay," she whispers, her voice choked with emotion. "But the offer, it means more than you can imagine. In my world, everything has crumbled, and I'm left with nothing but ashes and echoes of what once was."
I can feel the weight of her words, the burden of her grief, and I tighten my grip on her cheek, desperate to convey the sincerity of my plea. "Wanda, you don't have to face this alone. You're not just a version of her; you're your own person, with your own pain. But here, in this universe, you have a chance to rebuild, to find a new kind of family."
She opens her eyes, the sea-green gaze locking onto mine. There's a vulnerability in her expression, a crack in the stoic facade she wears. "I'm so tired," she admits, a raw honesty in her voice. "Tired of loss, tired of fighting. Maybe... maybe it's time for a different path."
A tentative smile plays on her lips, and my heart skips a beat. I wipe away another tear, this time a tear of relief. "You don't have to decide now," I say softly. "Take the time you need. But know that here, you have people who care, people who understand loss and are willing to help you carry the burden."
The room seems to brighten, as if the weight of the universe has lifted, if only for a moment. And in that moment, I see a glimmer of hope, a possibility for healing and connection that transcends the boundaries of our fractured worlds.
"I need to know one thing." She speaks, "Is Vision alive?" my brows furrow together.
"Vision? Who is that?" I ask genuinely confused.
"Wait...how did we meet here?" She asks.
"Oh well we met in Sokovia. We were protesting Stark together at a rally. Your brother flirted with me first and I never let him live that down especially when I married you and he was my best man." I smile at the memory. "Anyways, we were approached by Hydra and experimented on. They had the mind stone and the power stone. You and Pietro were exposed to the mind stone and I was too, but nothing happened unlike you two so they put me in a room with the power stone. It decided my chest was it's forever home. I ended up breaking us out from the Hydra base with the help of the Avengers who had caught word of the base. The three of us joined the Avengers and the rest is history." I tell her.
"So no Ultron? Sokovia didn't fly in the air? What about the Sokovia accords?" She throws question after question.
"No idea what you're talking about love. We carried on doing small missions, taking down hydra and radicals, but the three of us spent a long time training before they let us out doing field work." I tell her.
"Three? Is...is Pietro..?" Her voice breaks.
"Alive? Yeah of course." She falls to her knees and starts sobbing.
"Mommy?" Billy is at the middle of the stairs and the look in Wanda's eyes.
"Yeah baby it's Mommy." Wanda opened her arms and the little speedster found his way into her arms." Her eyes spilling over tears.
"Mama said you weren't coming back." Billy whispered.
"Mama didn't think I was, but Mommy always finds a way back to her boys." Wanda pulls back and looks up at me. "I'm staying...how could I say no when this is just about the most perfect version I could ask for?" I smile and start crying again as Tommy joins us before I can even blink. "Our little quick silver." Wanda smiles hugging the boys, her boys.
Tears of relief blur my vision as I watch Wanda embrace our boys, her boys, with a tenderness that speaks volumes. Billy and Tommy cling to her, their small arms wrapping around her tightly as if afraid she'll disappear again if they let go. And in that moment, I realize that this is where she belongs, with us, her family.
I join them on the floor, wrapping my arms around them all, unable to contain the overwhelming flood of emotions that threatens to consume me. "Welcome home, Wanda," I whisper, my voice choked with tears.
She looks up at me, her eyes shining with gratitude and love. "Thank you," she says softly, her voice trembling with emotion. "For everything."
Together, we sit in the warmth of our embrace, a makeshift family forged from the ashes of our shared past. And as the night stretches on, I can't help but feel a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness, a belief that no matter what trials may come, as long as we have each other, we can weather any storm.
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The days blurred together in a haze of longing and uncertainty, each moment tinged with the ache of what could have been. Wanda's presence in our home was both a blessing and a curse, a constant reminder of the love I had lost and the impossibility of reclaiming what was once mine.
I watched her interact with the boys, her smile forced but genuine, her laughter a melody that echoed through the halls. And yet, beneath the surface, I could sense the weight of her own grief, the burden of a past that refused to let her go.
I tried to be strong, to be there for her and the boys, but every smile felt like a lie, every laugh a hollow echo of the joy we once shared. And in the darkness of the night, when sleep eluded me and the silence pressed in like a vice, I found myself haunted by memories of another Wanda, a version of her that existed only in my dreams.
She was so close, yet so far away, a phantom presence that taunted me with what could have been. I longed to reach out to her, to hold her close and whisper words of love and comfort. But she was gone, lost to me in a reality that no longer existed.
And so I forced myself out of bed each morning, steeling myself against the pain that threatened to consume me. I buried myself in the routines of daily life, seeking solace in the mundane tasks that kept me tethered to reality.
But no matter how hard I tried to push her memory away, she lingered in the shadows of my mind, a ghostly specter that refused to be forgotten. And as the days turned into weeks, I began to wonder if I would ever find peace, if I would ever be able to let go of the love that still bound me to her, even across the vast expanse of the multiverse.
My Wanda and I had always had a policy of no mind reading since we could both do it, but this Wanda pokes at my thoughts constantly. Reminds me to smile through telepathy. One morning after a really good dream with another Wanda I can't get myself out of bed. Everything is too much. I know I had told her I'd be fine, but I'm not.
"Come on Y/N. Time to get up." I turn away from her, curling up into a ball further. "Y/N? What's wrong?" She asks.
"Nothing just tired. Just tell the boys I don't feel good. I need a Mama's day. So they can have a Mommy day. Take them out, get them ice cream. Do whatever you want." I grumble.
"Okay..." I close my eyes, letting myself drift back off just needed to see her again.
I don't know how much time has past when I'm being woken up, "Detka...come on wake up." My eyes blink into focus as I look at Wanda sitting above me and smile, forgetting my reality for a moment before my smile drops.
"What?" I ask.
"I dropped the boys off with their uncle for the weekend." I sit up straight,
"You did what!?" I screech.
"I left them with Pietro for the weekend. He was more than happy to have a boys weekend. Something about taking them to the lake?" Wanda mentions.
"He takes them every summer, usually it's a family thing and we all go." I tell Wanda.
"Well I figured you needed a Mommy and me weekend. I want to take you out. I want to get to know you. I already know my boys, but you. You're different, new, you aren't like Vision. You're human." She cups my cheek, smiling and I know it's a genuine smile. "I'm sure you've been feeling neglected and I wanted to try and do this sooner, but the boys were too excited to have me back." She says as I lean into her touch, Gods how I missed her touch. Though her fingers were no longer black her nails seemed to permanently stay black which made me laugh as I compared it to her emo phase which apparently this Wanda had one too.
"Thank you," I whisper, my voice catching in my throat. "For understanding."
She smiles, a warmth in her eyes that belies the weight of her own pain. "We're in this together. You don't have to carry the burden alone."
With her words echoing in my mind, I find the strength to push myself out of bed, to face the day with renewed determination. Wanda's offer of a Mommy and me weekend is a lifeline, a chance to rediscover myself amidst the chaos of grief and longing.
As we spend the day together, exploring the city and sharing stories of our pasts, I feel a sense of peace settle over me, a reassurance that maybe, just maybe, there's still hope for a future filled with love and laughter.
And as the sun sets on our day together, I realize that while Wanda may not be my Wanda, she's still a beacon of light in the darkness, a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there's always someone willing to stand by our side, to offer a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on.
With her by my side, I know that no matter what the future may hold, I'll never have to face it alone. And as we head home, the weight of grief feels a little lighter, the shadows a little less daunting, as we embrace the possibility of a new beginning, together.
When we got back home, I pulled her to the couch, "Time to watch sitcoms." I tell her and her face lights up.
"Dick Van Dyke?" She asks.
"No Detka. I want to show you my favorite this time. It's a more modern one. It's an animated sitcom though is that okay?" I ask, realizing this Wanda maybe never experienced animated and only enjoyed live action ones.
"Of course dorogoya." Her accent popping out sent a wave through me that landed between my legs.
"O-okay good." I say and get 'Bob's Burgers' playing. As the show starts I settle in with a slight distance between us, but she pulls me in against her side.
"Is this okay dorogoya?" She asks looking down at me.
"Y-yeah...of course." I move slight, readjusting to get comfortable as we fit together like two missing puzzle pieces and I let out a sigh of relief, that feels like so much weight is taken off my shoulders.
As the episodes of "Bob's Burgers" played on, I found myself relaxing into Wanda's embrace, the tension that had been coiled tight within me slowly unraveling with each passing moment. Her warmth seeped into my bones, a comforting presence that chased away the lingering shadows of doubt and fear.
With her by my side, the laughter that bubbled up from the screen felt genuine, a reflection of the newfound camaraderie we shared. And as I stole glances at her profile, illuminated by the soft glow of the television, I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the moment, the simplicity of just being together.
Her laughter mingled with mine, the sound music to my ears, a symphony of joy that filled the room with warmth and light. And as the credits rolled on the final episode, I turned to her, a smile playing at the corners of my lips.
"Thank you," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "For today. For everything."
She returned my smile, her eyes shimmering with affection. "Anytime. I'm here for you, always."
I sat there staring at her, getting lost in her eyes so much that I don't even realize that she's leaning in until she's inches from my lips, she stops and I can feel her breath on me, my own hitching,
"Is this okay dorogoya?" She whispers in a husk against my lips.
"Y-yes." I manage out as she kisses me softly at first, testing the waters, but soon enough she's kissing hungrily, like she's starving for my taste now that's she's had a nibble. My fingers find their way into her hair, getting tangled in her auburn locks. One of her hands is on the back of my neck and the other is on my hip, gripping tightly, I can feel her nails digging in.
The world falls away as our lips meet in a fiery embrace, a collision of passion and longing that ignites every nerve ending in my body. Her kiss is intoxicating, a whirlwind of desire and need that sweeps me away in a tide of sensation.
I lose myself in the taste of her, the feel of her lips moving against mine with a hunger that mirrors my own. Our breath mingles in the space between us, hot and heavy with unspoken desire, as the intensity of our embrace grows with each passing moment.
Her hands are everywhere at once, trailing fire along my skin as she pulls me closer, her touch igniting a wildfire of sensation within me. I cling to her desperately, losing myself in the dizzying whirl of pleasure that consumes us both.
Time loses all meaning as we surrender to the passion that binds us together, lost in a world of our own making where nothing else matters but the fiery connection that burns between us.
And as we finally break apart, breathless and trembling, I find myself drowning in the depths of her gaze, a silent promise of more to come lingering in the air between us.
In that moment, I know that this is just the beginning of our journey together, a journey filled with love, passion, and endless possibility. And as we cling to each other in the aftermath of our shared passion, I can't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the unexpected twist of fate that brought us together.
User
"Bed. Now." Her eyes lit up red for a moment. My Wanda had never been dominate, but this Wanda before me exuded dominance. I didn't waste any time getting up the stairs with her hot on my tail as we crashed into the bedroom, stumbling to the bed in a heat of kisses as she took the leading role.
The air crackled with electricity as we stumbled into the bedroom, our lips locked in a frenzy of passion and desire. Wanda's presence was intoxicating, her aura radiating power and dominance in a way I had never experienced before. And as she took the lead, pushing me onto the bed with a hunger that sent shivers down my spine, I felt myself surrendering to the raw intensity of the moment.
Her kisses were demanding, igniting a fire within me that burned hotter with each passing second. I moaned against her lips, my fingers tangling in her hair as I lost myself in the heat of the moment. Her touch was electric, sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through my body as she explored every inch of my skin with a hunger that left me breathless.
With each caress, each whispered word of desire, I felt myself falling deeper under her spell, my body responding eagerly to her every touch. And as she claimed me as her own, I surrendered to the overwhelming tide of sensation, losing myself in the ecstasy of our shared passion.
In that moment, there was only her, only us, lost in a world of pleasure and desire where nothing else mattered but the intoxicating connection that bound us together. And as we moved as one, bodies entwined in a symphony of passion, I knew that this was just the beginning of our journey together, a journey filled with love, lust, and endless possibility.
The sensation of relinquishing control, of surrendering completely to someone else's will, was both exhilarating and liberating. As I basked in the warmth of Wanda's dominance, I found myself embracing a side of myself that I had long suppressed, a side that craved the thrill of submission and surrender.
With each touch, each whispered command, I felt myself sinking deeper into the abyss of pleasure, my mind consumed by a haze of ecstasy that left me breathless and yearning for more. And as Wanda took the lead, guiding me with a firm yet gentle hand, I found myself surrendering to the overwhelming tide of sensation, losing myself in the intoxicating dance of pleasure and desire.
In her arms, I felt safe, cherished, and utterly alive, my body responding eagerly to her every touch and caress. And as we moved together in a symphony of passion and desire, I embraced the freedom that came with letting go, allowing myself to be swept away by the currents of our shared passion.
For in that moment, there was only her, only us, lost in a world of blissful surrender where nothing else mattered but the exquisite pleasure of our connection. And as we surrendered to the ecstasy of our shared desire, I knew that this was just the beginning of our journey together, a journey filled with exploration, discovery, and boundless pleasure.
"Ah...Wands..." A smack hit my thigh making me jolt and yelp.
"That's not my name Detka." I feel my stomach flip. I call her this all the time. I have for years now, but never in this setting. Another smack and then her teeth find my skin, biting and sucking harshly, marking me.
"Mommy!" I can feel the smirk against my thigh.
"Good girl. Go on. Show me how needy you are baby girl." Her fingers find themselves between my folds as I move my hips against them.
The sensation of her touch sent shivers of pleasure coursing through me, igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing moment. I arched my back, pressing against her fingers as they explored the depths of my desire, teasing and tantalizing with a skill that left me trembling with need.
"Please," I whimpered, the word spilling from my lips in a desperate plea for more. Her touch was electric, sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through my body as she pushed me to the brink of ecstasy.
With each caress, each stroke, I felt myself teetering on the edge of oblivion, my senses overwhelmed by the intensity of our shared passion. And as she whispered words of encouragement, urging me to let go and surrender to the pleasure that awaited, I felt myself surrendering completely to the overwhelming tide of sensation.
In that moment, there was only her, only us, lost in a world of blissful abandon where nothing else mattered but the exquisite pleasure of our connection. And as I succumbed to the ecstasy of our shared desire, I knew that this was just the beginning of our journey together, a journey filled with passion, intensity, and boundless pleasure.
The sensation of Wanda's magic enveloping my wrists sent a thrill of anticipation coursing through me, a tangible reminder of her power and dominance. I tested the restraints, feeling the firm hold of her magic as it kept me securely in place, my heart pounding with a mixture of excitement and arousal.
"Safe word. Green, yellow, red. Green is keep going, yellow slow down, red is stop." Wanda husked.
"Green, yellow, red," I echoed, committing the safe words to memory as a reassurance of our mutual trust and consent. With each breath, each whispered command, I felt myself sinking deeper into the heady haze of pleasure, surrendering completely to the overwhelming tide of sensation.
As Wanda continued to explore my body with a skillful touch that left me trembling with need, I surrendered myself to the ecstasy of our shared desire, knowing that in her arms, I was safe, cherished, and utterly alive.
And as the intensity of our passion grew with each passing moment, I found myself teetering on the edge of oblivion, my senses overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of our connection. In that moment, there was only her, only us, lost in a world of blissful abandon where nothing else mattered but the exquisite pleasure of our shared desire.
I don't think there is a place she hasn't marked on me in some way and after hours of edging until I couldn't form sentences she finally let me release. A string of moans ripping through me as the most intense waves roll over me as I drown in them, covered in sweat and her marks.
As the waves of pleasure washed over me, leaving me trembling and spent, I basked in the afterglow of our shared passion, my body still tingling with the echoes of our ecstasy. But just when I thought the intensity had peaked, I felt something pressing against my entrance, a sensation that sent a jolt of anticipation coursing through me.
I gasped, my body instinctively tensing as Wanda's touch ignited a new wave of desire within me. Her fingers teased and tantalized, exploring the depths of my desire with a skill that left me breathless and eager for more.
With each gentle thrust, I felt myself opening up to her, surrendering completely to the overwhelming tide of sensation. The pleasure was exquisite, a symphony of ecstasy that echoed through every fiber of my being as I lost myself in the blissful abandon of our shared desire.
And as Wanda continued to guide me with a firm yet gentle hand, I surrendered myself to the pleasure of our connection, knowing that in her arms, I was safe, cherished, and utterly alive. In that moment, there was only her, only us, lost in a world of blissful abandon where nothing else mattered but the exquisite pleasure of our shared desire.
Wanda soon enough needed more and so did I, "Faster...ha-ah...harder..." My breath hot against her, panting like a dog and that gave her the perfect opportunity to place her fingers in my mouth, gaging me with them, but I loved every second as I sucked on them, moaning against them as I tasted myself on them from earlier.
The sensation of Wanda's fingers in my mouth sent a thrill of arousal coursing through me, a heady mixture of pleasure and desire that left me panting and eager for more. With each thrust, each gasp of pleasure, I eagerly sucked on her fingers, tasting myself on them from earlier.
The taste was intoxicating, a symphony of desire that heightened the intensity of our connection as we moved together in perfect harmony. And as Wanda responded to my pleas with a fervor that mirrored my own, I surrendered myself to the pleasure of our shared desire, knowing that in her arms, I was safe, cherished, and utterly alive.
With each thrust, I felt myself teetering on the edge of oblivion, my senses overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of our passion. And as we reached the peak of ecstasy together, I knew that this was just the beginning of our journey, a journey filled with passion, intensity, and boundless pleasure.
In that moment, there was only her, only us, lost in a world of blissful abandon where nothing else mattered but the exquisite pleasure of our shared desire. And as we surrendered ourselves to the ecstasy of our connection, I knew that this was just the beginning of our journey together, a journey filled with love, lust, and endless possibility.
As I slowly regained my senses, the cool towel on the back of my neck and Wanda's comforting presence helped anchor me in reality. Her magic gently caressed my mind, offering reassurance and care as I took in the aftermath of our intense encounter.
"Easy, Detka. You're okay," she murmured, and I found solace in the warmth of her embrace. I took the offered water bottle, sipping slowly as she continued to tend to my well-being. The realization that I had passed out from pleasure left me both surprised and amused.
"Never happened before," I admitted with a chuckle. "The other Wanda was more of a sub, so I was usually the one in control. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but being on the receiving end is a whole different experience."
Wanda's magic fetched a baggy shirt, and as I recognized it, a wave of nostalgia washed over me. It was a shirt from a concert we attended when we were sixteen, a tangible link to our shared past.
"It's good to know not everything is different," I remarked, smiling as she kissed my temple.
In the warmth of our makeshift cocoon, surrounded by blankets and pillows, Wanda's magic weaving a protective barrier around us, we continued to watch 'Bob's Burgers.' However, my focus was no longer on the show; instead, I found myself captivated by the woman holding me close.
A sudden wave of fear and doubt crashed over me as I wondered if this intimate encounter was just a one-time gesture to alleviate my grief. The fear of being tossed aside after a momentary respite haunted my thoughts, threatening to overshadow the joy we had just shared.
Wanda, sensing my internal struggle, gently addressed my concerns. "Hey, woah, Detka. Those thoughts of yours are the farthest thing from the truth. Do not listen to them. I would never do that to my soulmate," she reassured me, her forehead finding mine in a tender gesture of connection.
"I love you, Y/N," she confessed, her words washing away my fears and opening the floodgates to a cascade of happy tears. "I love you, Wands! I didn't think I'd ever get to hear you say those words to me again," I admitted, clinging to her shirt as I sobbed into her.
Wanda's promises echoed in my heart, a vow to cherish and reaffirm our love every day. She kissed away my tears, each tender touch a testament to the depth of her commitment. "I promise I'm going to say it every chance I get. I'm never going to stop. I'm going to remind you every day how beautiful you are and how much I love you, and I promise I'm never going to leave. No missions. Nothing like that. I'll always be by your side," she declared, her own tears mingling with mine.
In that moment, as we drowned in each other's love, I knew that this second chance at happiness was a gift we would both cherish. And as Wanda whispered, "I love you," over and over, I felt the weight of my grief lifting, replaced by the warmth of a love that transcended time and space.
========
In the midst of my peaceful dream, I found myself enveloped in a sense of tranquility unlike any I had experienced in well over a year. Waking up with a smile on my face I turn my head, looking over I gazed upon the sleeping form of Wanda, her features softened by the gentle embrace of slumber, I felt a rush of overwhelming love and affection welling up within me.
With a playful smile tugging at the corners of my lips, I leaned in closer, pressing gentle kisses along the curve of her neck. Each tender touch elicited a soft moan from her lips, a melody of pleasure that echoed through the stillness of the night.
Lost in the intoxicating embrace of our shared intimacy, I continued to shower her with affection, reveling in the warmth of her presence and the depth of our connection. And as I whispered her name, a soft murmur of adoration, I knew that this moment, this fleeting glimpse of happiness, was a treasure to be cherished for all eternity.
As Wanda began to stir awake, her voice still heavy with sleep, I couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for her. Her words, though tinged with a hint of warning, only served to deepen the bond between us.
"You're playing a dangerous game, kotenok," she murmured, her voice laced with sleepiness.
"Shchenok," I corrected gently, a small smile playing on my lips.
Her eyes snapped open at the correction, surprise evident in her expression. "When did you learn that?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.
I shrugged, the memories of our shared past flooding back to me. "I was with her for like 20 years of our lives. I learned most Russian. Also Natasha, she..." My voice trailed off as Wanda's expression shifted, a wave of sadness washing over her.
"Oh my god, I forgot about Natasha. Is... is she alive here?" she asked, tears welling up in her eyes.
I nodded solemnly, feeling a pang of empathy for the pain she must be feeling. Crawling into her lap, I wrapped my arms around her, offering what comfort I could. "You really lost a lot there, dorogoya," I whispered, my voice soft with compassion. "But don't worry, everyone here is safe. We've apparently had it relatively easy here, it seems."
I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, my heart overflowing with love and gratitude for this woman who had endured so much. "Now you have your loved ones back. You aren't alone anymore, and you won't ever be again. I promise."
==============
As the weekend unfolded, Wanda and I remained entwined in each other's arms, our connection deepening with each passing moment. When the boys returned home with their uncle Pietro, the atmosphere was filled with warmth and affection, a tangible sense of family that enveloped us all.
Pietro's hug was tight, filled with an unspoken understanding that transcended words. In his whispered question, "Did you guys finally connect?" I detected a mixture of curiosity and genuine concern.
With a small nod and a soft "Mmhmm," I confirmed what he already knew. This Wanda wasn't his real sister, just as she wasn't the Wanda I had known and loved for decades. But she was here, she was special, and in her embrace, I found a sense of solace and belonging that I had thought lost forever.
==============
As the following Friday arrived, Wanda and I made the decision to gather our friends and family together to share the details of our new lives. It was a momentous occasion, filled with a mix of anticipation and apprehension as we prepared to unveil the truth about our extraordinary circumstances.
Gathering our loved ones in a familiar setting, we began to recount the events that had led us to this moment, explaining the complexities of our intertwined destinies and the newfound connections we had forged. With each word, we sought to convey the depth of our emotions, the challenges we had overcome, and the hope that now burned bright within our hearts.
As our gathering unfolded, the emotions in the room were palpable, each hug and embrace a testament to the depth of our shared experiences and the bonds that bound us together.
Wanda's first instinct was to embrace Natasha tightly, their bodies trembling with sobs as they clung to each other. For both of them, it was a moment of overwhelming relief and joy, the realization that they had been given a second chance to be reunited with someone they had feared lost forever.
Next was Clint, the stalwart friend and ally who had saved Wanda countless times in her timeline, offering comfort and support when she needed it most. As they embraced, the weight of their shared history hung heavy in the air, a reminder of the trials they had faced and the strength they had found in each other's presence.
In that moment, surrounded by friends and family who had become like kin, Wanda and I felt a profound sense of gratitude for the bonds that had been forged through adversity. And as we shared stories and memories, laughter mingling with tears, we knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, we would face them together, drawing strength from the love and support that surrounded us.
As our friends and family listened intently, their expressions shifting from surprise to understanding, we felt a sense of relief wash over us. To have our loved ones by our side, supporting us through this journey, was a gift beyond measure.
And as we concluded our explanation, surrounded by the warmth and love of those closest to us, we knew that no matter what the future held, we would face it together, united in our shared bond and unwavering commitment to one another.
As the night wore on and the festivities continued, Stephen pulled me aside, his expression grave with concern. "You know what she's done in her universe, right?" he asked, his voice tinged with urgency.
I bristled at his question, feeling a surge of defensiveness rise within me. "Do not start this, Strange," I warned, jabbing a finger in his direction. "If I had gone through what she had, this universe wouldn't even exist. What she did, in my eyes, is child's play compared to the horrors she endured."
My words carried a weight of conviction, a steadfast belief in Wanda's resilience and the sacrifices she had made to protect those she loved. And as I met Stephen's gaze, I saw a flicker of understanding in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the depth of Wanda's strength and the magnitude of her courage.
"She threw a tantrum essentially. Took over a town for a bit and then went on a killing spree to get here. I saw it through her eyes. I know if it had been me, you'd be lucky if America had still been standing," I asserted, a hint of steel in my voice as I tapped the power stone embedded in my chest.
The reminder of the immense power at my disposal served as both a warning and a declaration. Wanda's actions in her universe were a testament to the depths of her grief and the consequences of unchecked power. In contrast, I recognized the responsibility that came with wielding such force, a responsibility I vowed to use wisely to protect those I loved.
As the weight of our conversation lingered, Stephen nodded in acknowledgment, a silent understanding passing between us. The night continued, but the specter of the past and the potential for the future hung in the air, a reminder that even in moments of celebration, the shadows of our pasts were never truly far behind.
"I don't think you understand, my strength isn't superhuman, it's otherworldly. The precision it requires to ensure I don't break everything around me at any given moment is a delicate balance. With one punch, I wouldn't just put a crater in the earth, I'd break it in half," I emphasized, underscoring the magnitude of the power I possessed.
The distinction between superhuman strength and the cosmic force I wielded was crucial to grasp. While others might possess extraordinary abilities, mine was on a different scale altogether, capable of reshaping the very fabric of reality itself. It was a responsibility that weighed heavily on me, requiring a level of control and restraint beyond what most could comprehend.
As I spoke, I could sense the gravity of my words sinking in, the realization dawning on Stephen of the immense power at my command. It was a sobering reminder of the delicate balance between strength and responsibility, a balance that I vowed to uphold no matter the cost.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, I just wanted to remind you-" Stephen began, but I swiftly cut him off, my tone firm yet understanding. "Don't, Stephen. I know you're just trying to help. I don't need the reminder though," I assured him, acknowledging his concern while asserting my own understanding of the situation.
With a nod of acceptance, Stephen backed off, respecting my boundaries and allowing me to return to the comforting embrace of Wanda, who had been engaged in conversation with Natasha and Clint. As I settled back into her arms, the warmth of her presence enveloped me, a reassuring reminder of the love and support that surrounded me.
In that moment, surrounded by friends and family, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, a quiet reassurance that no matter the challenges we faced, we would face them together, united in our shared bonds and unwavering commitment to one another.
As Wanda continued her conversation with Natasha and Clint, her fingers traced delicate patterns on my hip, their touch a gentle caress that spoke volumes of the journey she had undertaken. Once stained with blood, those same hands now exuded a tenderness and compassion that belied the darkness of the past.
Feeling the soothing rhythm of her touch, I couldn't help but marvel at the transformation Wanda had undergone, the evolution from a place of pain and turmoil to one of healing and redemption. It was a testament to her resilience and strength, a reminder that even in the face of adversity, it was possible to find light amidst the shadows.
In that moment, as her touch danced across my skin, I felt a profound sense of gratitude for the woman before me, for the love and forgiveness she had extended, and for the hope that now blossomed within our hearts. And as our conversation continued, I knew that no matter what trials lay ahead, we would face them together, bound by the unbreakable bond of love and understanding that had brought us to this moment.
As the room suddenly filled with the energetic presence of our children, along with Clint's youngest and Kate close behind, my boys bounded into mine and Wanda's arms with cries for help. "Moms! Save us from the monster!" they pleaded, their laughter filling the air.
I chuckled as I gathered them close, feeling their warmth and energy envelop me in a comforting embrace. Glancing over, I caught sight of Kate playfully tickling Nathaniel, the mischievous grin on her face confirming my suspicions.
With a smile, I joined Wanda in rescuing our boys from the clutches of the imaginary monster, enveloping them in hugs and laughter as we reveled in the joy of family and friendship. In that moment, surrounded by the ones we loved most, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the blessings that filled our lives, each smile and laugh a reminder of the happiness that awaited us in the days to come.
As the boys began to drift off to sleep in my arms, I couldn't help but smile at the sight. "I think it's time to go, my love," I murmured to Wanda, gesturing towards our sleeping sons. Despite their ten years, I scooped them up effortlessly, their weight feeling light in my arms.
A momentary look of surprise flickered across Wanda's face, her gaze lingering on me as she seemed to momentarily forget about my strength. At just 4'11, I was indeed petite for someone with such power, a fact that often caught others off guard.
With a soft chuckle, I gently adjusted the boys in my arms, their peaceful expressions a testament to the love and security they felt in our embrace. As we prepared to leave, I felt a surge of gratitude for the family we had become, bound together by love and the unbreakable bond of kinship. With Wanda by my side, I knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, we would face them together, united in our shared love and determination to protect those we held dear.
As I glanced over at Wanda, watching the tender expression on her face as she looked upon our sleeping sons, my heart swelled with love and gratitude. The depth of emotion reflected in her eyes filled me with a sense of warmth and contentment, knowing that our family was complete and our bond unbreakable.
In that moment, as we stood together, surrounded by the quiet stillness of the night, I felt a profound sense of peace wash over me. The love that radiated between us and enveloped our children was a testament to the strength of our connection, a bond forged in the fires of adversity and tempered by the trials we had faced together.
As we prepared to depart, I reached out to take Wanda's hand, intertwining our fingers in a silent gesture of unity and love. With a shared smile, we turned and made our way home, our hearts full and our spirits lifted by the knowledge that no matter what challenges lay ahead, we would face them together, as a family.
===========
Wanda and I are on the couch when she asks, "Do you have photo albums of the boys?" I look at her, peeling my eyes from the TV as I pause it.
"Of course." I get up grabbing several albums of almost everything of their lives. "After we left the Avengers I took solace in capturing moments so we have a lot." I tell her as she starts through her pregnancy photos one of every month. Then the hospital photos of her giving birth. The look of pure happiness and bliss on both our faces as we held the boys. Both of us having skin to skin contact with them. As Wanda goes through the albums she starts crying.
"I missed out on so much because of my magic..." she whispered solemnly. "They went from babies, to 5, to 10 all because of words I said...Y/N...I missed everything." Knowing that Wanda had used her magic to create our boys in her universe and not anything like how we had here made her incredibly sad. I hate seeing her like this.
"How about I show you. Their first words, their first steps, everything." With a gentle touch, I leaned in closer to her, resting my forehead against hers as I offered her a silent gesture of comfort and solidarity. Feeling her fingers against my temples, I closed my eyes and allowed the memories to flow, every precious moment from the joyous announcement of her pregnancy to the bittersweet final days we shared together playing out before her.
As the memories unfolded like a vivid tapestry, I watched as Wanda's tears began to subside, replaced by a sense of wonder and awe. Through the magic of our shared recollections, she was able to witness the milestones she had missed, the laughter and love that had filled our home in her absence.
In that moment, as we shared in the memories of our past, I felt a renewed sense of hope blossom within me. Though Wanda may have missed out on so much, I was determined to make every moment from this point forward count, to cherish the time we had together and to create new memories that would fill the void left by the past.
With a gentle smile, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as we basked in the warmth of our shared love. And as the echoes of our memories faded into the night, I knew that no matter what trials lay ahead, we would face them together, united in our unwavering commitment to one another and to our family.
As I looked into Wanda's eyes, feeling the weight of her sadness and longing, I knew that I had to do everything in my power to ease her pain and make up for the lost time. With a gentle touch, I cupped her cheek in my hand, my thumb brushing away the tears that lingered there.
"Everything with them feels too quick and also a lifetime," I whispered softly, my heart swelling with love and determination. "But now that you're here with us, you'll get to experience it all with me. Together."
In that moment, as we shared in our shared resolve to embrace the present and forge ahead as a family, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. No matter what challenges lay ahead, we would face them together, united in our love and commitment to one another.
With a tender smile, I leaned in to press a gentle kiss against Wanda's forehead, silently promising to cherish every moment we shared and to make up for the lost time in any way I could. Together, we would build a future filled with love, laughter, and endless memories, united in our bond as a family.
Once we put the albums away, shut the TV off for the night we headed upstairs. Stopping to look in at the boys sleeping peacefully before heading to our own room, getting ourselves ready for bed. As I climb in, stretching out, Wanda climbs on top of me. I bite my bottom lip, looking up at her. I can see the look she has. I wrap my arms around her neck, gently trying to pull her down. She doesn't budge.
"Did you want something, shchenok?" Between the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, and her in just a tank top of sleep shorts I'm weak to her completely under her not just physically.
"Want you. Need you." I tell her trying again to pull and when she still doesn't budge. I pout and whine. "Wands...please.."
As Wanda's hands worked their magic, binding mine above my head with a delicate yet firm touch, I felt a rush of excitement and anticipation coursing through me. With each tug of her magic, I was rendered powerless, completely at her mercy as she explored my body with a hunger that ignited a fire within me.
"Behave and we'll see where it goes," she husked, her words sending shivers down my spine as she pushed up my shirt, her lips finding purchase on my chest with an intensity that left me breathless. The sensation of her teeth grazing my skin, her tongue tracing patterns across my flesh, sent waves of pleasure radiating through me, making me squirm and writhe beneath her touch.
As I felt myself slipping deeper into subspace, surrendering to the heady mix of pleasure and vulnerability, I couldn't help but lose myself in the moment, giving in completely to the sensations that engulfed me. With each kiss, each caress, I felt myself unraveling, consumed by the overwhelming desire that burned between us.
In that moment, as I surrendered myself to Wanda's tender ministrations, I felt a profound sense of connection and intimacy that transcended the physical realm. With her by my side, I knew that I was safe, cherished, and loved beyond measure, and as I surrendered to the ecstasy of the moment, I knew that our bond would only grow stronger with each passing day.
Wanda plays with me and teases me for hours and I can't even remember how many times she's pushed me over the edge of ecstasy. As she brought me to another one as she slammed into me with a magic strap-on she'd conjured up, my mind already drowning in subspace, barely able to form words, but one slips out and then a few more,
"Mommy...gonna...ah-ha...ah..." After my words she sped up leaning down to whisper in my ear,
"That's right cum for Mommy like a good girl. Mommy's gonna cum with you. Gonna fill you up and breed you baby girl." As she whispered those final words in my ear, her voice a husky growl of lust and desire, I felt myself shattering into a million pieces, my entire being consumed by the ecstasy of release. With a cry of pure ecstasy, I let myself fall over the edge, my body trembling with the force of my climax as I surrendered myself entirely to the pleasure that engulfed me. Feeling her fill me up completely made my eyes roll back and the only word I could comprehend was, “Mommy.”
In that moment, as I basked in the afterglow of our shared ecstasy, I knew that I was exactly where I belonged, wrapped in the arms of the woman I loved more than anything in the world.
Taglist: @dorabledewdroop
#ley writes#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#wanda maximoff smut#wanda x you#wanda x y/n#wanda maxmoff x y/n#wanda maximommy#wanda maximoff x fem!reader#wanda maximoff x female reader#the scarlet witch x fem!reader#the scarlet witch#scarlet witch x you#scarlet witch x reader#scarlet witch
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shoot an arrow through my heart
max verstappen x reader
there's something you need to hear max say, but you're not sure if he's actually going to say it. you do know one thing though, it was always gonna be you and max.
a/n: started this longer ago than i'd like to admit but here we are! a big thank you to my fave beta reader K and to @scuderiahoney who helped me figure out all the banner image stuff. based on prompt #966 from this list.
masterlist
It starts with Lando. Because doesn’t it always?
Lando says shit he doesn’t mean, Lando says things just for the sake of saying them. Lando says things as if they are fundamentally truths when they are in fact are lies.
And so, one moment you’re hanging out with Lando, letting him talk you down from buying the little trinket of the week you’ve fixated on, and the next he’s saying that Max is in love with you, saying it like it’s a truth, and then moving on as if he hasn’t just tilted your world on its axis.
And then, before you know it, you’re banging on Max’s front door trying to figure out if it’s true or not.
Trying to figure out if your best friend is in love with you.
“Max! Open the door.”
He doesn’t.
You honestly don’t know if you want him to, or what you’re going to do when he does. Or if he even will, Max doesn’t know you’re here and you don’t even know if he’s home.
You’re just about ready to search for the spare key, the one you told him to hide in the firehose down the hallway because having a fake rock in front of his door makes no sense when he lives in an apartment building, when the door is flung open and a very grumpy looking Max, headset in hand, is giving you just about the most fed-up, unimpressed, stare you’ve seen in your life.
“Are you in love with me?” You can’t help it, the words foreign on your tongue but there’s an urgency to get them out and into the space in between you. You’re so desperate to hear him say it back.
Max blinks at you, bewildered at your words. You can see the gears turning in his head trying to work out what you just said and if you’re being honest you don’t know if you should be offended at the fact that the answer isn’t an immediate yes.
His brow furrows and his lips purse, “what?”
A beat passes, and then another, and then the idiot actually has the audacity to close the door.
You roll your eyes, even if he can’t see it you know that he knows that you’re doing it. As you push the exasperation out of your lungs you knock again.
“Max, nuh-uh, that is not going to work, open the door and answer my question.”
Nothing.
You bang your fist on the door one more time for good measure, “Max, you know I know where your spare key is and we both know that I’ll let myself in if necessary.”
It’s true and he knows it.
There have been many nights where you’ve verged on the edge of too far gone and walked from the club to his apartment. Nights where you didn’t want the fun to end so instead of going home you go to Max’s where you can cuddle and coo at Jimmy and Sassy and sit around in comfy clothes and watch as Max putters around doing whatever it was he was doing before you came over.
It’s true. He knows it. But still, he doesn’t open the door.
You sigh and softly thump your forehead against Max’s front door, through the absence of your knocking you can hear his nervous shuffling on the other side. The inquisitive meows from the cats, the faint scrape of the peephole cover as Max checks to see if you’re still there, if you’re still waiting for him.
You would wait for him for forever, but that’s just for you to know really.
Max opens the door again, just the barest amount. Just enough so his eyes, wide and disbelieving can lock onto yours.
They’re so blue, you don’t know how you never noticed it before, so classically storybook blue that you’re really starting to wonder if this is all some kind of weird dream where you’re standing at his doorstep begging to be loved by him, like some kind of cheesy romcom star. Because after all, aren’t you just a girl standing in front of a guy?
“You’re in love with me.”
The words stretch the impossible distance between the two of you. Even when he’s halfway around the globe he’s never felt this far away.
And still, somehow, you feel too close to him. Like somehow all the other versions of you and him have been false proxies to what you’re reaching for right now. Like all of a sudden, somehow, he’s been molded into your every contour of your soul and you don’t want anything else
The door edges open a little wider.
“Are you asking me that or are you telling me?”
He’s stalling, you both know it. But, you can’t really bring yourself to do more than give him a fondly smile and roll your eyes at him. Because you know, if the roles were reversed, if he was the one throwing pebbles like some kind of suave Dutch romeo, demanding to know if you were in love with him, you would be doing the same thing.
“You and I both know how much you like being told what to do.”
With a sigh Max opens the door to his apartment a little wider once more to let you in, “and yet, you’re still here telling me to open my door.”
You can’t really fault him for that one can you?
You make your way to the living room where you settle down on your spot on the couch while Max flits around the living room. Sassy is meowing at Max, desperate for a taste of the outside she only ever gets when the front door opens, and even though he knows she’s not going to make a run for it he still takes the time to half-heartedly shoo her away.
Max does this, dragging his feet, until both of the cats have curled up next to you on the couch and it is only then that he makes his way over to you. Coming to stand behind the armrest on his side of the couch, putting a little too much distance between the two of you for you to not feel spurned by him.
You can hear it in silence between you, you can feel it in the way your body seems to ache from having him in the ways you have him now and not in the ways you want to have him.
You’re not ready to have this conversation.
There’s a part of you that almost wants to say nevermind and forget that you even said anything in the first place. But deep down you know that the two of you have been putting on this elaborate dog and pony show for far too long. You’re only delaying the inevitable.
“So,” you say, nervously running your fingers over the fabric of the couch. “Is it true?”
You try to catch his eye as you say it, not only to try to make sure he doesn't chicken out but to see the reaction he gives. You want to see his soul and know that he means whatever he says.
But Max doges your gaze at every move in a way that makes him look like a kicked puppy. And you’re not really sure what it means but you can feel the way the dynamic has shifted. All of a sudden the two of you are on shaky ground, not sure where you stand with each other. Even though two hours earlier you would have called him your best friend with your entire heart.
“Well?”
“Please,” he says your name, strained and with a weight to it that you don’t quite want to acknowledge, “don’t make me say it.”
You’re not above begging, you really aren’t, but something about the way he sounds makes you falter. Just a little.
“Max,” you say his name softly, “I think you and I both know what your answer is going to be.”
“Then why do you need to hear it so bad?” His words bite, tinged with an anger that you know he doesn't really mean.
“So, I can say it back!” Your words match the sharpness in his and you can see how much they throw Max off kilter.
He blinks at you and then rocks on his feet, first a step forward and then a step back like he’s blown away by the force of what you said. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you never tell me?”
You cross your arms and shrug your shoulders, “it was a personal issue.”
“You being in love with me kind of also involves me.”
You really don’t want to admit that he’s right on with that one.
You huff and shrug your shoulders again, “well it goes both ways, why didn’t you say anything?”
“I asked first,” Max shoots back.
You groan at his response and launch yourself up towards Max in a play attempt to strangle him. “Argh, you’re so!” You drape your arms over his shoulders as you slump against him, head resting in the spot where his shoulder meets his neck, “God I hate you.”
Max laughs underneath you, his arms coming up to wrap around your waist, “you evidently don’t.”
“You're so silly,” you sigh, tilting your head up to look at him. "You want to hear me say it so bad."
Your nose nearly brushes against his, he’s so close you think you could count every single one of his eyelashes if you tried.
Max makes a noise that’s somewhere between exasperated and surprised and you know that you’re toeing the line with your teasing
You always know when to give in when it comes to him.
“Okay, yes, I love you! I love you,” you say, “do you love me?”
“Yeah, I do,” Max says as he moves to cradles your jaw in his hands. “I love you.”
You grin, “good. Now kiss me please.”
And he does. He does and it feels like all the cliche things people say. It feels like coming home, it feels like fireworks are going off in the background, it feels like you were meant to be, that he was made for you just as much as you were made for him.
And you just know. You know that there can never be anyone else but him. That there was a version of you before Max and now there’s going to be a version of you that’s with Max, but there’s never going to be a you after Max.
“I love you.” Softer, quieter this time.
You don’t dare look him in the eye, instead choosing to press your cheek against his and stare out the window of his apartment. Your gaze settles somewhere in the distance as you try to memorize the feel of his body pressed up against yours.
You curl your fingers around the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging absentmindedly as you say, “I’m glad that worked out, I didn’t even know you were home.”
He pulls away from you to fix you with a look that is so quintessentially Max, “you have my location on your phone, you’re always stalking me,” he says, punctuating his words with little jabs to your shoulder.
It’s true, and you honestly don’t know why you didn’t try to check his location in the first place, your logic getting lost somewhere in the panic of knowing that he loved you.
“Mhmm.” You shrug noncommittally, trying very hard to ignore the rushing feeling of warmth in your chest that comes with the realization that Max was so ingrained in your life and you in his from the start.
You try not to think about the fact your toothbrush sits next to his in his bathroom, about the fact that your hand automatically gravitates to his favorite spoon in your cutlery drawer, the one you can identify solely based on the weight of it in your hand. You try very hard to think about how you couldn’t separate the love from the friendship.
It was always gonna be you and Max.
There’s a silence between you for a moment. You try to match your breath to his and let the sounds of outside filter through your ears. And for a moment you can hear how the rest of the world keeps turning, even when your world has stopped spinning on its axis.
“So, what now?” Max asks, turning his head to press kisses to your hairline, his hand squeezing your waist. You can feel his nose brush against your temple as he makes his way down, lips featherlight on your skin. The intimacy of it makes your blood sing with electricity.
You pull “Mhmm, you could take me to bed?”
It’s half serious, half a joke. You’ve waited so long to have Max like this that now that you finally do you want him in all ways possible. But still, there’s some young and girlish part of you that wants it to be special.
Max pretends to think about it for a little bit and it’s so impossibly silly that you have to resist the urge to strangle him again for it, “it’s three in the afternoon, I think it’s a little early for sleep.”
“You know that’s not what I mean, stop being a smartass.”
Max smiles, taking your hand in his and lacing your fingers together. “Well,” he says, “how about I send you home so you can get all nice and pretty for me and then I’ll come pick you up and take you to a nice dinner, hmm?”
You flush, not just from the way he pours honey, slow and sweet, into your ear, but from the way it feels like this was always meant to be. Like you were always meant to have this, always meant to have him.
“And then,” he says, dropping your hand to pull you in by your belt loops so your hips are press flush against his, “after dinner, that’s when I’ll take you to bed.”
#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#mv1 x reader#mv33 x reader#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen fic#mv1 fic#mv33 fic#mv1 x you#mv33 x you#max verstappen#mv1#mv33#f1 fanfiction#f1 fanfic
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Still in love/obsessed ex-husband
A still in love and obsessed ex-husband can be answered in various ways. I thought I'd make this one a little loosey goosey and stretch the definition of "ex-husband" here a tad bit. I also split "still in love" and "obsessed." My personal HC about these characters actions around those two phrases will certainly vary.
Anyway, here are four quick drabbles on the topic (And thank you for your patience as I fulfill requests.)
Find the Imagines & What If Series Masterlist HERE
Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): reconciliation, fluff, light angst, suggestive themes, swearing, marriage, strained and established relationships, stalking
ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
John Price
“I still have it.”
“Have what?” you ask.
“Your wedding dress,” answers John.
“I told you to return it. And the ring.”
John shakes his head. “Couldn’t bring myself to do it. Still in my closet.”
“You don’t want to.”
“No.”
“Why?” you ask.
“You know why, love.”
You sigh. “Did you sign the papers?”
“No,” he answers automatically. “Why would I? When you’re clearly still in love with me.”
“John.”
“You promised me an army.”
“I’ve given you three,” you murmur, thinking of your children with him.
John smiles, and you melt. “We can make number four right here.”
John "Soap" MacTavish
“What’s this?”
“Nothing.”
“Show me.”
You keep your hand behind your back. Johnny grins down at you, one eyebrow raised. Johnny is fast, snagging your arm and bringing your hand into the light.
His gaze drops to the diamond on your finger.
“You still wear it,” he breathes.
“It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Oh, love. It does.” He steps closer, one warm hand cupping your cheek.
You lean into him, not wanting to admit out loud what still holds true in your heart.
“You still love me,” he teases.
“And?” you prompt.
He draws you close. “And I still want you.”
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
“Signing this won’t change anything. You know this.”
Kyle is right and you hate that he is. Grasping the back of your neck, Kyle threads his fingers through your hair. Twisting. Gripping. Arching your neck.
He draws you forward, lips nearly brushing over yours. “You know I’d burn everything down for you. Walk any distance. I will never be rid of you. Never.”
Kyle’s words are searing. They sit heavy in your chest.
“Do you not feel the same?” He shakes his head. “I don’t believe that.”
The divorce papers are scattered across the kitchen table.
You swallow. “Shred them.”
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Ghost is a wraith.
He watches from the shadows. He knows your every step, who you talk to, and what your day looks like. He has always known. Even before you called him husband—and before that boyfriend—Ghost learned your habits.
He sits. Waits.
You glance over your shoulder with no idea how close he is, trying to find his in. Because he will. He will have you.
The current boyfriend will disappear.
Just like the last one.
Because Ghost made it happen.
All he needs is time and then, he can put his ring back on your finger.
Taglist:
@km-ffluv @glitterypirateduck @tiredmetalenthusiast @spicyspicyliving @childofyuggoth @miaraei @coffeecaketornado @aykxz98 @kayden666 @unhinged-reader-36 @miss-mistinguett @keiva1000 @cherryofdeath @pertinentpostmortem @enfppuff @berarenado @saoirse06 @ninman82 @no-oneelsebutnsu @thewulf @hayleybarnesx @lxblm @ferns-fics @ooldcardigan @beebeechaos @enarien @sw33tsnow @kessi-21 @makayla-666 @lifes-project @burn1ngw00d @heeheehoohoohahahihi @lulurubberduckie @ravenpoe67 @jade1605 @contractedcriteria @lovely-ateez @gingergirl06 @kidd3ath @leed-bbg @blackhawkfanatic @suhmie @tulipsun-flower @ghosts-hoe @jaggersinclair @nomercyforthewarrior
#task force 141 x you#task force 141 fanfic#task force 141 fanfiction#task force 141 fic#task force 141 x reader#task force 141 imagine#task force 141#captain john price fanfic#captain john price fanfiction#captain john price fic#simon riley fanfiction#simon riley fanfic#simon riley x you#simon riley fic#ghost imagine#simon ghost riley fanfiction#kyle gaz garrick x you#kyle gaz garrick x reader#kyle garrick fanfic#soap mactavish fanfic#soap fanfiction#soap fanfic#cod fic#cod fanfiction#cod fanfic#john soap mactavish fanfiction#john soap mactavish x reader#kyle garrick imagine#john mactavish fic#john mactavish x reader
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Hi bestie! You told me to drop in so here I am. I'm gonna leave a request while I'm at it hehe Hope you don't mind.
Can I request a Neuvillette fic inspired by Taylor Swift's "Anti-Hero"? I particularly like the lyrics "Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me. At teatime, everybody agrees." It gives me the vibes of a reader who is shunned by society, y'know? Perfect for some angst if I do say so myself 🫣🫢
Anyways, do whatever fits your vibe. I just love the way you write our dear Iudex 🥰 No pressure though! If it's too much, then just consider this as me dropping in to say hello to you and your lovely readers. Have a good day!!!
Love,
Mayaree
It's me. Hi. I'm the problem it's me :)
Fuyuu-chan: Hiiiii beshy hahahaha thanks for dropping in lol 😆🫶 also for being the first to request 😚
Pairing: Neuvillette x Reader
Summary: Everyone doesn't like you and thinks that you're not worthy for Neuvillette, and so they make fun of you, some even ignored you. By the way people in Fontaine treat you it makes you feel insecure and question your relationship with him.
Warning: Mention of break up, a bit of yandere ish at the end?? It might not look like it for some of y'all but just in caseee hehehehe (Not Proofread)
✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧
The moment everyone in Fontaine knew about your relationship with Neuvillette would probably the worst thing that happened in your life, because of what people think about you, for not being worthy as the Ludex beloved partner.
And the worst part is that Neuvillette didn't know about any of this, they only talk about it when you're the only one around, when you're not with him. You consider to tell it to him but of course you don't want to bother him, especially since he's busy with his duties as the Chief of Justice.
Now, you got invited to one tea party held by one lady that has been "kind" to you, so of course you accepted it... 'I shouldn't had my hopes up, of course she is gonna be like the others' you thought. Who would've thought that she would be like that? She appeared to be kind to you the first time you met but when with everyone, with her friends and some other ladies, she had just embarrassed you.
She told everyone that (name) is just a common girl, basic, and compared to Neuvillette she's not on his level. She even told everyone that "She's just a problem to our dear Ludex, only a burden for him" she chuckles and everyone at that tea party laughed agreeing to what she said.
Feeling embarrassed, angered, saddened, you just excused yourself saying you'll go to the restroom but after you left you never came back but one thing's for sure, everyone hated you, talked behind your back while laughing. You can't handle it anymore, everyone is insulting you and the fact that you may be ruining Neuvillette's reputation, you feel furious but at the same time what can you do? I mean they're all right aren't they? You're just a problem.
Because of everyone saying things about you, spreading rumours around Fontaine, it's hard for you to go outside because once you do people would look at you and whisper to each other.
Some even threatened you, saying you should stay away from Neuvillette or you'll regret it. You thought it's probably just his admirers that's going way too far, but to be honest it's already affecting your mental health.
Well you did distance yourself from him, like when he ask you out like go to dinner, or have some date you would decline saying you have something to do or you're currently busy. But let's be honest you really wanted to spend time with him. He was at first: "It's alright, next time we could go." But as time pass he was getting worried and confused as to why you were not seeing him anymore.
Always rejecting him. 'What happened?' He thought. You two aren't like this in the past, you two would even date every time there's a free time like after work or weekends. But why are you distancing yourself from him?
This thoughts always bother Neuvillette and the way you act. And now he found himself walking towards your house to talk to you and ask you.
Once he arrives, he knocked on your door. It took you minute to open the door which definitely isn't like you at all since you always open the door immediately when it comes to him (he have like a pattern when he knocks at your door so you know it's him).
You were about to ask him but he just got in your house and closed the door. Now you two are just standing looking at each other, the air seems tense.
"...so uhhh...why did you come here?" You said finally breaking the silence.
"Am I not allowed to come here anymore?" He asked.
"That's not what I meant, what I mean is what's the reason for your sudden visit here?" You clarified.
"It's about you...us...why are you distancing yourself from me? What happened?" He asked.
"What do you mean?... I'm just busy that's why I can't really spend time with you..." You trail off hesitating.
"Don't lie (name)..." He said as he looked at you worried.
"Did I do something wrong that makes you distance yourself from me? If I did I'm sorry... but please tell me so I can fix it." Neuvillette asked as he looked at you in the eyes.
"You?.." you asked as you scoffed a bit. "No it's... it's me Neuvillette, I'm the problem..." You continued as you try not to tear up in front of him.
You can see how Neuvillette's furrow his eyebrows as he heard you speak.
"What? You're not the problem (name), what are you talking about?" He asked as he stepped closer to you.
"So you still don't know?" You asked.
"What do you mean?" He looked at you confused on what you mean.
"People in Fontaine don't like me, they hate me the moment they knew about us, they said I'm not worthy...for you... I'm just a problem...and a burden for you" you said as your voice is starting to break, you didn't even notice that you were now crying remembering everyone's word, insults, threats.
Neuvillette was speechless the moment those words left your mouth. How could he not know about any of this? Did all of the people hurt you like this everyday? He thought that everything was alright but it turns out it's not, how could he let this things happen to you?
Neuvillette wanted to comfort you but when he was about to approach you, you step back and said "I think we should... separate ways, I don't want you to get ruined or people thinking bad things about you because of me" you said as you try to look at him.
He stood there, frozen in his place. He was processing your words inside his head. "W-what?..." He finally get to asked after a few minutes.
"We should break up" you said.
"...But why?"
"Because of me...I was causing you problems, I might ruin your reputation in the future and I don't want that" you answered as you finally looked at him teary eyed.
Neuvillette then approached you as he pulls you closer to him, he held you in his arms. "(Name) please...I don't want to break up with you...Besides you're never a problem, people is just jealous of you and that's why they did that. Besides you will never ruin my reputation because when you came into my life, you taught me how to understand people, how to be considerate and many more. My reputation became much better with you."
You lean on him while you tear up, even if you don't want to but his warmth that enveloped you, you missed it.
"B-but.." you stutter.
"Sshh..." He hummed as he pat your back in order to comfort you just like what you did when he was crying. "I'm sorry I didn't know any of this, I'm sorry you have to go through all of that alone, I'm sorry that I turned a blind eye...and I'm sorry that I'm not there when you needed me the most." He apologized.
After you calmed down you replied to him. "...It's not your fault...so don't apologize" you sniffled as you finally looked at him for him to only wipe your tears away. "No love...it's my fault too for not knowing any of this, for not seeing how much you suffer everyday."
You kept silent as you just let him comfort you. Eventually you found yourself apologizing "I'm...sorry Neuvi...for saying we should break...up".
Neuvillette only shake his head "Its alright... I know you dont mean it, you might had said it but at that moment I can see in your eyes that you do not mean those words" he said as he smiled gently at you. "But...I hope to not hear those words again...I must say my heart ache when those words left your mouth." He continued as he looked a bit sad.
"I'm..sorry, its just that...that was the one I thought would be better for us..for you" you said as you looked down only for Neuvillette to grab your chin gently to make you look at him.
"Its alright...you dont mean that anyways right?" He asked and you nod and that was enough for him to smile again. "It's those people that made you think that...I cannot believe they had the audacity to say those vile things to my beloved, to my partner, who I love dearly from the bottom of my heart. I serve them for so many decades, I protected them yet they return all those things I did with this?" he said as he tucked your loose hair behind your ear. "They didn't even repsect the person I chose to be with me forever" he looked so mad that he let these things happen but you hugged him to calm him down a bit.
"What are you gonna do?" You asked while you lean onto his chest, he reciprocated your hug as he wrapped his arms around you waist.
"Don't worry love...I will handle it all...you just rest here and relax while I fix these, alright?" Neuvillette said as he rubbed your back. "It would also be nice if we could leave Fontaine for a few days to have your mind forget this for a while, don't you think?" He asked as he looked at you.
You hummed and nod. "I guess that would help...but how about your work?" You asked as you now looked at him to meet his gaze on you.
"I'll take a few days off, I'm pretty sure the others could handle the court for a while. Especially since there's no big cases as of now." He explained and that's enough for you to relax a bit.
You finally smiled and that made Neuvillette happy, seeing you smile again made his heart finally calm down and his mind to finally rest. For now he let himself relax on your warm embrace and for later...he would deal with those people that dare hurt his beloved (name).
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
Please do not copy, translate, repost to any other social media, Thank you.
#fuyuu chan writes#fanfic#genshin impact fanfic#neuvillette#neuvillette x reader#neuvillette x you#genshin impact neuvillette#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x you#request
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Romantic Shit: Ryan x Reader (Yellowstone)
Tagging: @hatersaremymotivators justsimplyme93 knick3rbock3r
anticxrrupt
Prequel to Summer (NSFW)
Every morning that Ryan wakes up with you is a gift. He’s thought that ever since you decided to take this cowboy to bed. This morning though, this morning is bitter sweet because he’s leaving in a couple of days for Texas and the two of you still haven’t discussed what that means for the relationship.
When he finds you, you’re standing on the porch of your house, watching the sunrise in the distance, a mug of coffee clasped to your chest. You’re clad in nothing but his plaid shirt and cowboy boots. The tattoo of his name stands stark against your upper thigh, a symbol of your love for him, your commitment.
This thing between the two of you was never meant to have a future.
In the beginning he didn’t see how it could work, you were a deputy in the sheriff’s department and he was a land enforcement agent/cowboy who did some goddamn shady shit. The secrets you kept from one another should have strangled the life out of this thing but instead it had flourished, because there has always been a mutual understanding. He’s got shit he can’t tell you and you’ve got shit you can’t tell him.
“We should talk about it.” He says quietly as he comes to lean against the wooden strut that supports the gable.
You set your coffee cup down on the railing before you turn your attention towards him. His jeans are slung low on his hips, the orange light from the sunrise plays over his bare chest, highlighting the brand that’s seared into his skin.
“I guess I just wasn’t ready for this to end just yet.” You say as you lean against the pillar opposite him.
Ryan wants to tell you it doesn’t have to, that he’ll be true to you out there in Texas but he can’t ask you to wait a year for him, no matter how much he may want it. His fingertips trace over your name, the italic scrawl inked into his inner forearm.
Katalina…
The love of his life.
The woman whose about to become Sheriff of this county.
You can’t go with him and he can’t stay…
“I love you.” He says quietly as he looks out across the landscape. “I will always love you, the distance doesn’t change that.”
“I know.” You say softly as you come to stand beside him. “I keep asking myself what’s one year in the space of a lifetime?”
“And what’s the answer?” He asks you, the back of his hand brushing lightly against yours.
Your fingers capture his, entwining them and for the first time since this conversation started he allows himself to hope.
“Marry you.” You say, squeezing his hand a little. “So you’ll know you’ll always be mine, wherever you go.”
If that isn’t the most romantic shit he doesn’t know what is.
“Are you asking me that honey?” He murmurs, his hands coming to rest on your hips as he backs you up against the strut. He can feel the heat of your body through the shirt, he wants to unbutton it, take it off, fuck you right here on the porch. “Are you asking me to marry you before I head off to Texas?”
Your fingers lace at the base of his neck, fingertips brushing over the light curls. His hair has gotten a little long this season. He’s been meaning to cut it but he likes the way your fingers feel when you tug it just right.
“I guess I am cowboy.” You whisper against his lips. “So is that a yes or a no?”
Love Ryan? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.
Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee
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𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔
𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐆𝐄𝐔𝐒𝐄 (yuuri)
as i stared up at something in the sky
you told me they were stars
just like us, they nestle close
at times crying, laughing, and connecting
𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙜𝙚𝙪𝙨𝙚
━━ ╸sometimes, even when i think i've tricked everyone, even myself, the weight of it all feels like it'll drown me. i've wanted to give up more times than i'd admit, felt the pull of just sinking into the arms of death and letting it all go. there are nights i think i would have, if not for the promise i made under a sky i can barely remember.
i still have you.
the way you smile, how your eyes catch the light like those damn stars in the sky. you make me think maybe, just maybe, there's more to this life than the shadows that chase me. you're my betelgeuse, guiding me when i'm lost, reminding me there's still a reason to keep going.
love, kakavasha aventurine
aventurine leaned against the railing of his ludicrously expensive penthouse balcony. the city lights twinkled below, a mockery of the stars above. even this high up, he could never escape the whispers. avgin. murderer. loser. slave. they'd followed him from the streets to the boardrooms, even here in his private space, a relentless chorus in his head.
a soft sound made him turn. you were there, sleep-tousled and wrapped in a blanket, starlight glinting in your eyes. a smile, the kind meant only for him, softened your face.
“couldn't sleep?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper. he'd always loved that about you, the gentleness that saw through his practiced veneer.
“the usual," aventurine shrugged, the lie slipping easily from his tongue.
your hand found his, small and warm and somehow infinitely precious. “do you... want to talk about it? or..." you tilted your head upwards, "want to watch the stars for a while?"
the familiar ache blossomed in his chest. the stars pulsed in the night sky, and for a moment, he allowed himself to imagine. a different life, maybe. one where the weight of his past didn't threaten to crush every tender thing he dared to want. one where he could look at you with nothing but love, no shadows hanging over his heart.
but the world wasn't made of dreams and wishing on stars. “just for a little while," he said, squeezing your hand. the warmth of you beside him was unbearably sweet, and for tonight, he would let himself hold on to it.
𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 - 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 - 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓
#💌. from me to you#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine x you#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#hsr imagines#aventurine x y/n
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"King Killmonger: The Golden Jaguar: Chapter 7"
Need to catch up? Masterlist HERE.
youtube
"'Cause all I see is the best of you and all you see is the best of me
And you bring out the best of me
And all I see is everything
Your goals, your glow, your inner being
And our bigger meaning
So, let's lose us in these sheets, yeah
And when I get up to walk, I wanna feel weak, yeah
Well, I ain't goin' far (ain't goin' far)
So, stay where you are (stay where you are)
Feel like you partied in Venus and we woke up in Mars (baby)
I been waitin' my whole life (I've been waiting)
My whole life
And I'm gonna give you the best years of your life (for you and I)
You and I"
Beyonce—"ll Hands ll Heaven"
N'Jadaka Udaku, the foreign born king of Wakanda was a large man.
Yani watched him stretch his muscled arms and strong neck as he powered the bulk of his big body onto the stern of the houseboat and joined her on the cushiony loveseat facing the water on the lower deck. She had been on the luxury ship before. In America and elsewhere it would be considered a yacht, but to the super rich Udakus, it was a family houseboat.
The king rolled his neck and snuggled next to her, enjoying the warm sunlight and letting the alcohol in the champagne they drank relax him into a slight buzzy stupor. For three hours they floated in a quiet bliss, watching the water become a foamy deluge in their wake slicing through the turquoise liquid. The shoreline view slowly changed from deluxe high rises and bustle of city life to the more tranquil and slower-paced suburbs that led to the rural beauty of outer Zana.
N'Jadaka's skin had turned browner than hers as they sunbathed in their swimsuits, and luxuriated in their togetherness. She kissed his hard bicep and started to cry.
"Yani…"
His concerned voice enveloped her in comfort. He hugged her into his side.
"I'm so happy," she sputtered, knowing the champagne had taken over her emotions. "You're my husband now, and it makes all of this seem so solid and real. I'm drunk…"
He laughed and the sound squeezed her heart.
"I'm not talking about the liquor," she said quickly wanting him to know her true feelings, "I'm drunk off of this love we have. I can't explain it well, but it makes me feel…safe. Finally."
He threaded his fingers with hers and kissed her hand.
"I know what you mean, Yani. I feel the same. I'm actually feeling so many things at once. Maybe that's why I've been so quiet for the last two hours. Taking it all in…knowing that I have a wife. That means everything to me. I didn't know I could possibly love you more, but going through the wedding ceremony, taking vows before gods and people. All of this takes on a deeper meaning."
He stared at their wedding rings.
"I should've married you after the first time we made love because I knew you were the one back then. I just didn't trust myself…I didn't know how to love you properly."
He cast his gaze toward the river water again.
"I have a queen, a family of my own…I have everything I've ever wanted. Maybe I'm scared I'll lose it all again…maybe that's why all of my senses and emotions are heightened. So many people in the world never get to have all of their dreams come true."
Yani leaned over and kissed his cheek. N'Jadaka turned his face to align their lips. He was larger up close, overwhelming her space the way he always did and she welcomed that sensation. It meant that he was her forever love. Her husband.
"Ohmigod, look…N'Jadaka…look," she gasped.
Their love boat passed a giant mountain waterfall that gushed whitewater into the once calm river. The automated boat moved away from the cascading flow that started three hundred feet above them. A cool mist from the water striking the river moistened their skin. Yani leaned her neck back to study how high the waterfall started. They stood and walked up to the top deck toward the bow. The boat switched directions on a pre-determined course and headed directly for the heavy curtain of water one hundred feet wide. She clutched his hand.
"What's happening? Why is the boat going toward the waterfall?" Yani said with a nervous tone.
"Wait and see," he said, throwing an arm around her shoulder.
"Aren't we supposed to cruise around the Ibukan?"
"That's what I told everyone for our safety, but that's not what we're doing," he said with a mischievous grin.
They drifted closer and the roar of the waterfall frightened Yani.
"Keep your eyes open baby…watch," he said.
A vibranium shield shimmered a neon blue streak all around the boat. They cruised straight through the waterfall and Yani marveled at the tons of water washing across the protective barrier.
On the other side they entered an enormous cave. The shield powered down and Yani glanced behind them, listening to the thundering roar of water keeping them out of sight.
The river cave was balmy and lit with lanterns decked around the stone walls. They were inside a mountain that led to someplace she was never privy to.
"Where are we?" she whispered.
"You'll see soon enough," he said, squeezing her closer to him.
The lanterns flickered a yellow-orange glow that allowed her to make out cave drawings that didn't look like Wakandan script. Without the light, the blackness of the interior would've swallowed them. Up ahead, a glint of white beckoned them to an exit.
"Oh!"
Yani covered her mouth with her hand. They floated out into a tropical rainforest with an explosion of colors on vines and canopies she had never seen before. The air smelled different and the scent of the blossoming rainforest flowers lured her steps forward near a railing for a closer chance to sniff the tropical atmosphere. If Joba had been there, she would've believed that her fairy garden had sprouted into a giant real-life wonderland. That's how magical it felt floating along with her husband.
Yani looked around with more wonder and couldn't get over how different the world looked in that place. One would've believed they slipped into a fantasy land with colors that vivid and varied. The boat followed a lazy "s" curve until it stopped. N'Jadaka gathered up their thin, ankle-length aquamarine honeymoon tunics. Yani slipped hers on and he did the same.
"We'll ride a hover bike to the place I want to take you," he said.
Yani walked beside him to the lower deck where a canoe and a hover bike were attached for their use on the trip. She climbed behind her husband and held his waist.
Two elder women and a young man waited for them to float over the water and settle on the landing near the water's edge. One woman carried a woven grass basket covered with a satin blue cloth and the other woman held a full bouquet of magenta and blood-orange flowers. Both women wore heavy brocaded lavender robes with gold sandals. The young man escorting them stood silently watching the royal couple climb off the hover bike. He wore a long plain white shirt with gold crotch-drop pants.
The woman with the basket stepped forward first and handed N'Jadaka the basket.
"Welcome kumkani. We have been waiting for your arrival with the new kumkanikazi and prepared your quarters for the next three days."
"Thank you. May I introduce you to Kumkanikazi Yani?"
All three lowered their heads and waited for Yani to acknowledge them with an offering of her hand. The woman with the bouquet gave them to the queen and Yani sniffed the heavenly scent.
"Where are we?" Yani asked the first woman.
"This is Ekuqaleni. The Beginning. The place where the Udaku clan first came to be through Ugogo Udaku…Grandmother Udaku. She is the matrilineal beginning for the king. You carry her name as your own now, kumkanikazi. The Udaku family line runs through their women."
"Udaku was her surname?" Yani asked.
The elder woman who gave the flowers shook her head and spoke softly.
"No. Udaku was her first and only name. Udaku of the Panther Tribe. Mother of Bashenga Udaku, the first Black Panther and our first united tribal king."
"The women ran everything," Yani said.
The women nodded at her.
"Come, you have had a long day and long journey. Time to rest and get acquainted with the roots of your people."
The fruit basket woman snapped her fingers and the young man became more alert and stepped three feet in front of N'Jadaka as the others did. All citizens were only allowed to stand the requisite distance of three feet unless invited closer by a royal personally.
"What are your names?" Yani asked.
The first woman pointed to herself and then the woman with the flowers.
"I am Mama F'Neka and that is Mama Yiswa. Niso will take you to rest. Supper will be ready when you ask for it. We are here to serve and help you enjoy your stay. Your pleasure is our grace," F'Neka said.
Niso stepped lively and the royal couple carried their gifts and followed a winding path through a wealth of nature's beauty.
"We are on the other side of Umbono Lake," N'Jadaka said.
"By the cove?"
"Close to it," he said.
Yani smiled. She had a better picture of the geography knowing they were further south.
"Are you the only people here?" Yani asked Niso.
"No, kumkanikazi. Several of us work here to take care of Ekuqaleni," Niso said.
N'Jadaka took a hold of Yani's free hand and clasped it as they walked through the tropical paradise.
"No one is allowed to be here except for the royal family, and most times it's just for the newlywed ones," N'Jadaka said. "This place is a historical landmark and not even the public can come here except for certain times of the month annually for special tours."
"Ekuqaleni is a holy place my queen," Niso added. "Ugogo Udaku encouraged her young son King Bashenga to follow the ways of the shaman during the time of constant tribal wars. With her wisdom and Bast's guidance, our revered king found isipho…the gift."
"Vibranium," Yani said.
"Yes, kumkanikazi. Ugogo Udaku was born and lived here in the forest for one hundred and ten years. My family has taken care of Ekuqaleni for generations. Mama F'Neka and Mama Yiswa are my grand aunts. We are a mix of the Panther and River tribe."
The path they followed narrowed and N'Jadaka made Yani walk in the middle behind Niso. Giant multi-colored butterflies with wing-spans as wide as her hand fluttered in a ring high above them. The forest had a cloying sweet odor where they traveled. Niso pointed to the butterflies overhead.
"They are drunk with the fermented nectar of the fruit we gave you," Niso said.
Grayish-green fruit shaped like pregnant pears hung on branches slightly at Yani's eye level. Many had over-ripened and browned deeply in sections where butterflies crawled over them licking the fermentation. She giggled and touched the wing of one nearby butterfly. The soft powdery feel slid across her fingertips as they continued moving into a clearing.
"What about our clothes and things on the boat?" Yani asked.
N'Jadaka fondled her backside with a gentle pat and pinch.
"Don't worry about that stuff. I have it all taken care of. Just enjoy the trip, Ma," N'Jadaka said.
Niso stepped aside letting the royals move ahead of him and Yani's eyes widened.
A natural heated mineral pool faced a sunken fire pit surrounded by low stools and a lounging seat. The lush area was cultivated to blend in with the surroundings with enough touches to look cozy and quite comfortable.
"My king and queen, Ugogo Udaku's family dwelling," Niso said proudly.
Yani had imagined some small thatched covered hut made to survive a tropical environment. Instead, her neck arched back and her mouth fell open at the sight of giant trees as tall, wide, and grandiose as American redwoods, but cultivated over a millennia to take on the braided curved shapes like lucky bamboo. The canopies were also intertwined across the tree tops creating the foundation for pearly white-washed circular tree homes made of smooth stone and earth. The light coloring looked spectacular against the backdrop of twining leaves and branches of bright emerald green etched with faint traces of lemon yellow and vermilion streaks.
N'Jadaka grinned next to her.
"Beautiful huh?" he said, putting the basket of fruit on a low tree-trunk carved table.
Yani put the bouquet of flowers down next to the fruit basket and walked toward the closest tree. She noticed the carved steps inside the trunk that led up to the tree home.
"May I?" Yani asked Niso.
"My queen, this is your ancestral home. You may do as you wish," Niso said.
Yani hurried up the organic steps and squealed when she reached the top. Entering the first room she immediately looked out of the window. Holding her breath, she couldn't believe it all belonged to her. N'Jadaka's heavy footfalls echoed from behind and she glanced at him quickly before spinning around the cool interior.
"So much space! It's huge in here and…ohmigod, N'Jadaka…"
Yani took off through a long hall that led to other parts of the tree house. More living pods were made for bedrooms, a restroom, kitchen area, and then treetop bridges that led to hanging gardens that grew fruits and flowers above the forest floor.
N'Jadaka followed, enjoying the delight in her eyes. They stood together on an above ground pathway that gave them a view of a lazy tributary of milky blue water that flowed to the east of the tree house. More steps carved out of the tree led down directly to the water.
"My ancestors had to live above ground because there was a lot of seasonal flooding before they started damming up spots to control the waterways. I thought staying here a few days before going on the boat cruise would be…romantic?" N'Jadaka said.
Yani hugged him tight.
"I love it," she said.
"I'm glad. I know we could go anywhere in the world, or do anything we want in Wakanda, but I just wanted to be somewhere special for us. You're making roots here too, and your lineage is very important to our history on this patch of land."
Yani's eyes welled up and she blinked away tears by glancing down below and noticing Niso. He waved up to them. A loud growling sound startled Yani. Two black panthers lumbered out from behind twisty vines looping below the trees.
Niso didn't seem fazed at all and bent down to scratch the ear of one panther that rolled over onto its back.
"This is S'Bu and Unathi, your personal guards. Would you like to meet them?" Niso called up.
Yani bounded down the carved stairs of another giant tree dragging N'Jadaka with her by the hand.
"Are they safe? They don't know us," Yani asked.
She quickly became cautious once she stood before the gorgeous beasts, their blue-black coats of fur gleaming like polished midnight. N'Jadaka walked up to S'Bu and cuddled its chin with his big hand.
"They are bred for the royals and brought up to obey your commands and watch over you in the forest," Niso said.
Yani was still hesitant to touch either panther.
"No worries Queen Yani. I have gotten them accustomed to your scent. King N'Jadaka sent over clothing belonging to you so they are familiar with your natural skin odor. They know you are to be respected and protected."
"Tell them to sit in Wakandan baby," N'Jadaka encouraged.
"They're not dogs," Yani said with a small laugh in her voice.
"Try it."
Yani stepped closer to her husband just to be safe and looked both big cats in the eyes.
"Hlala phantsi," Yani commanded.
Both panthers squatted on their haunches and kept direct eye contact with her.
"Good job, Queen Yani," Niso said.
Yani reached out and scritched the ear of Unathi first. The animal purred under her fingers and S'Bu nudged her fingers to get some affection too.
"A jealous baby," Yani said.
"They are both three years old and will come and go frequently to trek around the pereimeter," Niso said.
"Aren't panthers normally solitary?" Yani asked.
"Wild ones, yes. They prefer to be alone until mating season. But these have been raised in a claw of humans and were trained to live together with some female panthers that roam here too. You won't see them as much. They are fed by our team so no need to do anything for these big boys. S'Bu loves belly rubs and Unathi prefers back rubs. When you want them to go away, just clap your hands and they will leave."
Niso lowered his head and kept his hands by his sides.
"I will leave you to begin your honeymoon. Tap your kimoyos when you would like your supper brought to you, or any other extra meals and snacks. Ugogo Udaku's home is equipped with all the latest amenities as the palace. Refreshments are in the home already. There are marked trails and kimoyo scans for landmarks and such throughout the forest. I hope you will enjoy your stay. We are so honored to have you."
"Thank you, Niso," Yani said.
Niso wandered off and the forest swallowed all traces of him. Both panthers flopped down on their sides relaxed and without a care in the world.
"What would you like to do first? Explore a little, or relax. Anything you want to get into is good with me, baby," N'Jadaka said.
"What about you?"
He surveyed the empty fire pit and a stack of freshly chopped wood at the base of the tree house steps.
"I'm thinkin' of making a fire so we can have our supper out here. Shouldn't take me long to get one going. We have a couple of hours left before the sun sets."
"How about you get the fire going and I'll walk around here for a few minutes to get acquainted with the forest," she said.
"Bet."
He strolled over to the wood stack and Yani pivoted the other way. The two panthers sat up. S'Bu padded forward to follow.
"Stay," she said in English.
The panther kept walking and she repeated her command in Wakandan and the big cat abruptly sat on its backside again.
She wandered into an area of hanging vines taking in the fresh air and dense foliage. Staring up, she looked upon the thick canopy that blocked out most of the sunlight and created a shady walk through the forest. Despite the dense covering, tiny slats of golden light filtered down like sundrops, making dustmotes look like sparkly glitter dancing in the bright spots. Yani walked into magic and wonder feeling childlike.
There were a few other tree houses high above, but many hadn't been cared for as well as Ugogo Udaku's home over the years. They had eroded away or been grown over by the trees and vines they were built into. The constant buzzing of cicadas rang in her ears. She welcomed the sound and listened for other tropical noises to alert the world of other life going on around her. Frogs croaked and a few green and blue birds bounced from branch to branch watching her closely. A black and white colobus monkey, with an old geriatric-looking face and a tail of long white fur that favored horsehair, spied on her from above.
A sensation of peace descended over the forest and Yani ventured carefully back to the treehouse. The smell of wood smoke greeted her. N'Jadaka sat on one of the low stools by the fire petting both of the panthers that stretched out in front of him. Yani paused her steps and watched her husband interact with the animals. He looked regal and powerful handling S'Bu and Unathi like they were mere kittens. The fire crackled and so did a leaf under her sandal. N'Jadaka and the panthers glanced her way. His large physique reminded her of a human panther. Especially his eyes and how they could turn predatory against an enemy. He really was just a giant panther who would turn as docile as the big cats at his feet when she pointed him in the direction she wanted. Umama whispered in her ear before they flew away on their honeymoon that the queen of Wakanda was the true power behind the throne, and the best queens kept the king on point. Yani clapped her hands and both cats ambled away following her commands immediately. They retreated in the direction Niso disappeared.
"How was your walk?" he asked.
Yani went to him and touched his pulled back locs. She lifted his chin with two fingers and kissed his full lush lips in the firelight.
"This is perfect," she said after releasing his mouth.
"Hungry?"
"Yeah, I could do with a good meal and then a nice early rest."
"We can go canoeing tomorrow and barbecue in the afternoon. We can also hike to see the top of the waterfall."
"So much to see and do… and all the time we need to do it. A whole month off," Yani sighed into his hair.
N'Jadaka pulled her onto his lap and they enjoyed the fire for a time. He tapped his kimoyo beads and Niso returned with two other attendants pushing a floating double food cart filled with delicacies and more than enough food for two hungry royals. The low dining table was just at the right level of the ancient seats. They sat across from one another and were served the first course of broth and flat bread with wine and fresh cheese bites. N'Jadaka dismissed their attendants after giving instructions to bring a late breakfast in the morning.
"I guess walking out here made us hungrier than we thought," Yani said.
She pulled out several platters filled with yellow rice, grilled vegetables, stuffed flaky fish pastries, tender cuts of beef smothered in rich red wine gravy, and skewers of chicken glazed with peanut sauce. Helping themselves to full plates, they ate and reveled in the calm peacefulness as the sun set. Small solar lights sprinkled around the tree house twinkled to life.
"How pretty…oh…I wish the kids could see this," Yani said.
"They will. We'll come back through here on the way back home our last week. But I want us to have this to ourselves first," he said, winking.
"You really have thought of everything."
She stuffed a piece of the fruit that was already cut up for them in the basket.
"This tastes so good, like a peach and passion fruit mix…here, try some."
Yani passed a small squared off piece to N'Jadaka and he ate it right from her fingers, licking the tips free of juice.
"I like it," he said.
He watched her face then smiled.
"You're glowing," he said.
"What?"
"Your face…your demeanor. It's a glowing vibe."
"Hmmm…I feel like I'm glowing. This might sound funny but, I feel like I'm married. It's like a sensation in my bosom, like a weight or something. Nothing heavy, but…a solidness?"
Yani watched his face. N'Jadaka leaned in closer to the table and reached for her ring finger.
"I kinda feel that way too, Yani. Like how we were discussing on the boat. Ceremony is one thing, but saying those vows to you…I feel more connected to you than I ever have. Once those words came out…it's like you said…almost like the word became flesh and lodged inside of us."
Yani nodded, understanding completely.
"Are you excited about when we get back and you attend your first palace meeting with the Council of Elders?" he asked.
Yani rolled her eyes and nibbled on some bread.
"I don't want to think about the palace right now. I only want to focus on us and this amazing honeymoon trip."
"Want any more wine?"
N'Jadaka held out a wine carafe and Yani shook her head.
"I've had enough to drink today, no thank you."
He sipped the last drops in his own wine glass and checked out the dessert offerings. Lemon tarts and mini vanilla bean cakes with fresh berry glaze. They shared a cake and then covered up the rest of the food for the attendants to retrieve later.
Shucking off their caftans to frolic openly with swimsuits again, they investigated the mineral spring bubbling nearby. A trough made of smooth robin's egg blue stones allowed cool water from the river tributary to flow through. All they had to do was lift a partition made of yellow limestone and clay and the cooler water drained into the steamy mineral waters regulating the temperature.
The spring was about five feet deep in the center with seat impressions carved into the sides that could accommodate up to six adults.
"Nature's Jacuzzi," N'Jadaka said as he helped Yani into the bubbling froth that smelled faintly of sulfur.
Yani lifted the partition and the milky blue river water rushed in and helped neutralize the strong odor from the spring. The frothy mix became soapy on their skin making it tingle.
"Feels like heaven," Yani said after the final adjustment of the partition to a perfect temperature.
Seated shoulder to shoulder, they soaked in heated bliss and held hands under the water. They spoke of the children and their education, and Yani fretted about the possibility of sending Sydette to the best science academy in Wakanda. Their eldest had taken her first Level 1 aptitude exam that all nine-year-olds took to determine their academic journey. Unlike most educational systems, Wakandans let the children's intelligence place them with their natural interests and not just a typical general core curriculum that everyone had to abide by for decades. They allowed children to specialize in their talents early encouraging self-motivation that would hopefully carry on into a lifetime of autodidactism.
Sydette tested high in the hard sciences and mathematics and her primary teacher was pleased to inform Yani and N'Jadaka that S'Yan University had the proper seed school within the institution that all the best young science minds went to early. In a year, Sydette would have to attend a new school for her grade level and Yani wanted her near the palace. Attending the Level 2 in S'Yan would mean boarding school for Sydette. Traveling back and forth to school hundreds of miles away was too much for a little girl. It was tough while she was living away from her father in the countryside under duress, but S'Yan was even further away near the sea.
Boarding school was what rich people did to have their children rub shoulders with the elite and to get high paying, high status jobs after graduation. Sydette was a princess and the daughter of the richest and most brilliant man in the world. She didn't need a boarding school to get ahead in life, she was already at the front of the line. Yani toyed with the idea of asking N'Jadaka to create a school in Zana just as heralded as the one in S'Yan just to keep Sydette at home. All the schools in Wakanda were better than anything outside of the country, but S'Yan University had three particular teachers there that created giants in their field. Shuri and T'Challa had gone there as children before attending the Royal Academy of Wakanda in Zana.
Her mind wandered to their "twins" Joba and Riki. In two years, all of their children could possibly be away from the golden city and boarding on the other side of the country. The thought bothered her to no end. She was supposed to see her babies every day to ask how their day went and help them with their class work. There were already rumblings from Joba and Riki's teachers about skipping them a few grades like N'Jadaka had been. That meant they could leave the palace sooner. Brilliant children meant losing parts of childhood sometimes. Her husband didn't talk about it much, but Dante told Yani that it was tough for the king to be the smartest and youngest child in the room when he was little.
Joba had an aptitude for linguistics and art. Riki…well…Riki was…Yani chuckled.
"What's so funny?" N'Jadaka asked.
"Thinking of Riki. What do you think he'll do with his life? We know he loves animals."
N'Jadaka pressed his lips together suppressing a smirk.
"Why are you looking like that?" Yani asked.
"He told me he wants to start a band."
"Ooh Lord, God…"
"Well, the boy can sing. My Baba could and so can you, which means he has the genetics."
"So Sydette becomes an astrobiologist, Joba the master linguist/art historian, and our son becomes a rock star?"
"Why not?"
"I know the music business first hand remember? It's not a nice industry. He's too smart for that."
"Wakanda is all about letting their young people develop their potential. Maybe it's time for an Udaku to be a famous musician. Give him a few more years with his piano and guitar lessons. He could be the next King of Pop. But a real one!"
"My baby is too sweet to become a raunchy musician."
"Stop projecting."
Yani curled her lip in a pout and N'Jadaka squeezed her kneecap.
"You have to let him have the same opportunity your parents gave you when you were allowed to try your hand at music," he said.
"That wasn't my dream and you know it. Chez wanted to be a star, not me."
"Kendall is doing well though."
"Kendall is a famous music producer now…all behind the scenes work."
"He would be a good mentor for Riki—"
"Are you seriously thinking of letting our son become a performer? You wahn me vex on this honeymoon?"
"You are the queen of Wakanda. Lil Man will never fall victim to the seamier side of the music business because who would want to fuck with his mama? Or his daddy? One word from your mouth and you already know I'm tearing up cities for our kids."
Yani relaxed more and rubbed her hand up and down his arm.
"Promise?" she said in his ear.
"Anything for my wife, ya heard me?"
She nodded. He stood abruptly and pulled at the elastic on his trunks.
"Too hot for me. Let's use the outdoor shower and head up," he said.
She stepped out of the mineral pool and slipped on her sandals. They rinsed off with cool water from an overhead shower nozzle connected to one of the trees facing the treehouse. Stripping off their suits, they wrung them out and strung them along a branch to dry. A second more thorough shower had them fully refreshed and energized.
"Let's stay outside a little longer," Yani suggested.
Even with the sun gone, the spring weather carried the whispers of summer on a slow breeze that followed them back over to the double lounger. N'Jadaka moved it to face the tributary where they could gaze at the bright stars in the evening sky. He tilted the back support so they could sprawl together at an angle. Yani waited for him to settle in the lounger first before she crawled to sit between his legs with the back of her head resting on his chest.
"Do you think Adam and Eve had it like this in the Garden of Eden?" Yani asked.
"Without attendants…maybe."
"Nude in nature and happy like this every day of their lives…"
"Until that whole apple situation," he joked.
"Shooting stars!" she blurted, pointing at the streak of burning dust overhead.
Yani closed her eyes when she spotted a new cluster of vaporized debris masquerading as shooting stars. She made a wish for her husband and herself to live long happy lives without any falls from grace.
N'Jadaka was pleased.
His new wife loved the surprise excursion to Ekuqaleni. Before his paternal grandfather vanished in the Thanos war, he gave N'Jadaka the suggestion to visit the place of his Wakandan roots where it all began for the Panther tribe. He made meticulous arrangements in secrecy and felt grateful that he listened to Baba Z.
Yani was in awe of the place and more than anything, she loved the seclusion and quiet from other people. She spoke to him with that soft tone he adored in her voice, and touched him constantly. She knew his love language was physical contact and catered to those needs just as he catered to hers by showering her with gifts that showed her that she was worthy of all the good things in life she struggled for. Yani wasn't materialistic by any means, but his constant presents for no special reasons brought her gratitude and acceptance that she was worthy of being spoiled by him. N'Jadaka puffed up ten feet whenever she expressed elation over a new surprise he bestowed upon her simply because he loved her so much.
Naked and tangled together on the lounger, they watched shooting stars and listened to the settling down of the majestic forest. An owl hooted and flew low past their seat right across the tributary. They were surrounded by mountains and away from the constant eyes in the palace. Being butt naked in a serene wilderness calmed his mind and body. He curled his arms around Yani's chest, feeling the soft globes of her breasts push into his warm skin. True Eden was holding her close and never letting her go.
He slid his fingers onto her nipples and played with them. They perked up, still tender from the soak in the mineral pool. She stayed quiet, watching his fingers roll across the firm tips, fat like plump grapes. Her sighs pleased his ears as he plucked and pinched them gently. He cupped each breast and looked down at her chest, slowly pushing them together. Staring at big tits always got him started in the arousal department. Yani's thighs fell open wider and he knew her inner labia were becoming engorged just by the way her backside squirmed against him. She turned her head and he lowered his so they could kiss, their tongues sliding into moist, ready caverns. His mouth watered kissing her, and he kept his tongue at the entrance of her mouth, forcing Yani to beg for more with her prodding tongue. He delved deeper into her throat forcing her to submit that wanton mouth. She matched his pace. His fuller lips took over hers and she moaned deep in her throat.
"Love me?" he whispered between kisses.
She nodded and arched her neck to capture more of his lips, her teeth grazing his bottom lip playfully. He slowed her down with softer kisses that tested the limits of her desire for him. Licking on her neck, he bit into her skin and nibbled on the spot just under the right side of her jaw. He sucked a small hicky there, marking her flesh with his teeth too. She shifted her body onto her side, and the heat from her heavy breasts seared warmth into him. He lowered his hand and touched her down there in that special place.
That pussy was wetter and hotter than the water they crawled out of.
The slickness coated his fingertips and he painted her wide labia with all the stickiness she spewed out.
"I've been waiting to play all in this pussy…"
He prevented her from responding by stuffing his fingers in her mouth, making her taste the sweet tasting nectar she released. She'd spent a week eating large amounts of pineapples and mangoes to make sure her pussy tasted delicious for them.
Good girl.
He gently smacked her vulva. The slap from his hand activated the pleasure of her labia piercings.
"Yesss," she hissed, and he slapped her vulva again, the frothy wetness between her legs making his entire hand wet.
"…playing with my wife's pretty pussy outside in the open. Anybody could walk past and see the queen's wet pussy lips…"
Yani huffed out an aroused breath into his right side. The exhibitionist in her was wound up tight. He drew lazy figure eights all around her jeweled clit. Her legs trembled as he rubbed slow circles on it directly.
"You can't cum on my fingers baby. The king has to eat your pussy first before he can get deep inside you. Would you like that now? My lips on your pussy? Licking all over that juicy clit?"
"Yes…please…Daddy…eat my pussy."
"You about to get some husband dick tonight, Yani. I already told you that shit was going to be different from what you're used to. Daddy gotta put in real work tonight to stretch you out good. I might make several big messes all inside you."
She trembled all over, the tension in her body palpable against his nerve endings. He inserted two fingers partially inside her pussy and they both heard the sound it made when he wiggled his fingers around to test how wet she was. He adjusted her position on his torso so he could reach down and finger fuck her. She spread her legs along the sides of his and savored his digits twirling pleasure inside of her. Her walls squeezed around his fingers. The deeper he sank his fingers the more moans tumbled from her lips. Her eyes were glassy and faraway. She was ready to be piped down good and hard.
N'Jadaka moved her body away from his and slid down to his knees on the soft grass. It was time for him to face the nation between her thighs. Pushing Yani's legs back on the lounger he smashed his lips into her vulva and commenced to pleasuring the queen with a thick wide tongue. She tasted sweeter and her slick offering soaked his lips and most of his lower face.
Tongue fucking her made Yani shoot her legs up to the dark heavens. Her toes pointed to the north star toward freedom in her pussy. A powerful orgasm rippled all across her lush form. He loved the way her entire vulva throbbed in his mouth. Her orgasmic contractions exploded again while he groaned into her soft center making it vibrate with delirious pulses. It forced her to let out a rapturous shout to God and anyone else who would listen to her praises of his tongue.
He slurped up all the stickiness she produced and swallowed it full of greed for more. Standing, he let her witness the growth of his erection. It stood saluting her. Her eyes glossed over his heavy nutsack before admiring his thick arousal. He lifted his balls and squeezed their heft, letting her see what was in store to flood her pussy.
Yani lifted one of the large fluffy pillows from the lounger and placed it on the grass in front of the seat. She dropped onto all fours facing away from him. Head down, ass up. N'Jadaka scooted into a comfortable position at the edge of the lounger and spread his legs. He gripped his dick with a firm hand and stroked himself, watching his wife wiggle her big, wide ass. Her fat vulva gleamed from her piercings and the fresh lubricant her body produced. The inner labia wings were spread out and all of her precious pink winked at him. She played with her pussy and he groaned stroking his dick. Her pretty rose-gold nails pulled her ass cheeks apart providing a gorgeous picture for him. When they got back to the palace he was going to commission a discreet artist to paint his wife in that position. That body was art, especially when it was aroused and that pink pussy throbbed like that.
"Fuck Yani, that pussy looks so juicy…so does that ass baby…"
She slowly rubbed her labia and it was torture staring at wet pussy teasing him to fuck. Women from all over the world had been in that position before trying to seduce him. Only Yani made him pant the way he did watching her tease him. She pushed three of her fingers inside her pussy and the squelching sounds had his fat lips twisted up in agony.
"You like your wife's pussy?" Yani said.
"I do baby…"
"Do you like how it sounds Daddy?"
His hand pounded his dick down to his balls. Precum drizzled down the shaft and all over his right hand. So much came out that he was losing the feeling of friction. He was going to need her tight pussy soon. Sweat poured down his face.
"Yani…damn…Yani…got this dick hard as fuck…shit…"
She started making her ass cheeks jump in a syncopated rhythm and he jumped down on his knees. He jammed his left hand down on the arch of her back and pressed the tip of his dick against her right ass cheek, rubbing it hard against the pillowy soft bubble.
"You like that big ass Daddy?"
"Fuck!"
N'Jadaka groaned and slapped his dick against her ass. His precum coated her skin and his dick slid all around feeling hot and dangerous in his hand. He slapped the other ass cheek several times leaving dark red-brown markings on her toasted brown skin. Yani liked that stinging pain and cried out for more. He was losing control. His vision became blurry from the sweat falling into his eyes.
"Get on your knees! Aw fuck, Yani! Hurry…get on your knees…'bout to bust a fat one. Wanna cum on your face…you know what I want…you know what I want!" he shouted.
Yani took her sweet time rising from her position. But she didn't stay on her knees. She sauntered over to the lounger and got cozy on her back, spreading her big thighs open.
"I want my husband…I want my husband right now," she said.
N'Jadaka stared at her earnest face and the beauty it contained. His entire body hummed with the thrilling sensation of lust and love and deepening desire. His dick was a heavy sword between his legs ready to be sheathed by a queen he loved with his entire heart, mind, body, and soul. He lowered his head and kissed her feet and made a trail with his lips all the way up her body. When he reached her lips, he gave her a small peck and lined his erection up with her receptive labia.
"I want my wife. I want my wife right now," he said to her with strong conviction.
The firelight revealed a shine in Yani's eyes that glowed like the stars above.
Everything slowed down.
His breathing.
His heart beat.
His mind.
All there was in that moment of exquisite time was her.
Yani.
The woman who brought him back from the land of the living dead.
The woman who loved him whole and free.
His wife.
His.
He entered her body slowly, burning into his memory the sensation of her vagina closing around his girth, holding him like no other woman could. Resting his forehead against hers, their eyes connected and locked together. He placed his hands into fists at her sides and grunted his satisfaction with a slow lovemaking that had him enthralled.
God she took that dick!
He closed his eyes and gasped at how tight and deep she was. When he was able to open his eyes again while savoring the sweet thrusts he gave her, he knew in his spirit he would be lost to her love forever. The thought of how easily he could've lost her on that island swarmed over him like a tsunami of watery heat in his bones, and he wept, fearful of how close his life could've gone down the drain if he hadn't found her and built a connection.
Yani cradled his face with her hands and wiped away his tears that threatened to fall on her. He shifted his weight and she wrapped her legs around his waist, giving him room to thrust harder into her.
His queen. His wife.
Yani.
She made love to him like no other and he reciprocated. His mind wandered for a second at a memory. Who was the lover he once chastised for trying to fuck him like that when it was better suited for a man who deserved her? He was at M.I.T. at the time…early twenties. Cocksure and slanging dick like a fiend. The woman had been much older than him and fell in love with him so fast that he felt bad for leaving her with unrequited feelings. Shaun knew her…a big fine…
Renata.
Yeah, that was her. He had been right to warn Renata about fucking men like that. That was husband territory and the woman that rightfully deserved his tender loving care would have it for as long as he lived. The wisdom of his youth flooded his limbs and he kissed Yani while thrusting his soul into her depths. He needed her to feel his love and devotion. She hugged him tight.
"N'Jadaka…my love…my everything," she said.
"Yes," he said, rocking into her in a steady love tempo. "Yes…yes…baby…yes."
Husband things.
Her mouth parted but no sound came out. Her eyes never wavered from his. Her pussy swallowed his dick with artful decadence. Every thrust he gave ripped a groan from him as well as her, and after awhile, it became a steady metronome of sound. Even the forest quieted down to listen to their lovemaking.
Yani's pussy was a gushy fortress of primal delight. He glanced down to watch his dick move in and out, stuffing her full of thick dick, stretching her with divine care. Giving him pussy like that, he definitely knew he would have her pregnant in a few months. She made the idea of pulling out a sin before Bast and Ogum. He had fought aliens from other galaxies, had Gods speak to him directly and ride his body within his own flesh, but none of those experiences were as profound as making love to Yani.
He gestured for her to turn around so he could take her from behind and waited for her to get into a comfortable position. He sank back into her with a hearty shout of her name and gripped her waist. She clutched the back of the lounger for stability. Slowly gyrating his hips, he gave Yani the backshots she needed as her man. With reckless abandon, she threw her ass back on him causing loud thunderous claps of her ass cheeks. He held back from plunging into her again and let Yani do all the fucking while he watched with half closed eyelids. Her grip on his dick made his balls ache to release. She twisted her hips and pushed into him at a new angle that tugged on his length with a new sensation.
"Dassit, fall back on that dick. Good girl…show me how you own this dick…show me…dassit. That's all yours, Yani... right there…right there…yank on this dick with that tight pussy baby."
She looked back at him while she bounced on his dick. It was that daring look in her eyes that made her lethal during sex. The look clarified that no one else could fuck him like she did. She was the big dick assassin and she snapped that fat ass against his groin to remind him that she was not to be toyed with. Flexing her back muscles, she started really cooking on his dick, twisting her waist from side to side the way she did when she danced seductively on a dance floor. Her ass moved like water with such fluidity that he squeezed his eyes shut again to keep himself from nutting before he was ready. He grit his teeth and huffed agitated air, suppressing the yell that built up in his throat and threatened to bellow out like a raging elephant.
Yani pushed the lounge chair's back support until it was flat. She lowered her face and kept her eyes locked on his as she arched her back into a more visually pleasing display that tooted her ass higher for his pleasure.
She knew what she was doing.
Setting him up for the kill-strike on his dick. Her pussy was already doing stunts on his shaft with all the concentrated squeezing. Using his large hands, he pulled her cheeks apart to admire the visual of tight pink pussy throbbing all around his pulsing erection. Locked on her target, her eyes narrowed watching him. He had something for her ass though that would mess up her goal to end him.
N'Jadaka lifted onto his feet and fucked her froggy style. That position gave his fat sack the ammunition angle to continually smack into her swollen clit harder. His switch up worked, and Yani's face transformed from a look of deadly accuracy into one of submissive bliss.
"Oh…oh…oh…oh…" she panted softly and repeatedly.
His balls and the thickness of his dick stretching her caused the right amount of friction to render her lost in the sauce. She had that faraway look in her glassy stare.
"MmmHmmm…thought you had me gone. Now I gotta teach you how to behave," he barked at her.
Yani whimpered and chewed on her bottom lip. Her shiny eyes looked more watery and ready to spill tears. He rubbed on her booty, smacking it on both sides, luxuriating in the recoil as it bounced in his hands.
"Not here," he said glancing up at the treehouse.
Reluctantly, he pulled out from her tightness and lifted her gently in his arms. She rested her head against his neck and circled her arms around his wide shoulders.
"I will cum inside you way up there…where my ugogo lived high above the ground…among these magnificent trees. I want the old ones who passed on to hear us and know that we're building a new nation," he whispered in her ear.
He strode across the peaceful landscape carrying Yani past the dying fire and the gurgling of the mineral spring. S'Bu and Unathi returned from prowling their territory and watched the king with his queen.
"You two stay here and watch this place. Stay," he commanded.
Unathi gave a subdued growl as if responding to N'Jadaka. Both panthers slinked gracefully near the fire pit and hunkered down like two giant loaves of black bread.
N'Jadaka walked up the treehouse stairway and carried Yani into the largest bedroom pod that was decorated like a honeymoon suite for the royal couple. Tropical flowers were placed around the bedroom in natural grass woven baskets. Heavily scented green candles burned inside copper wall sconces with protective glass coverings. Two royal purple robes transported from their palace home hung up on wall hooks. With the whitewashing of the walls and the flickering candles, the bedroom glowed with a subdued golden light.
Their bedding was a soft ancient pallet covered in a hand woven plum-colored quilt that had been lovingly repaired and refabricated over centuries, but still held the stitches of his greatest grandfather's mother.
Above them was a skylight where the ancient ones had trimmed away the canopy to let in starlight and sunshine. He made out the Wakandan zodiac sign of the baobab tree among the stars twinkling their light into the room. Placing Yani on her feet, he pulled back the quilt and soft sheets.
"Give me your hand," he said.
Yani placed her left hand in his and helped lower her onto the unbelievably soft and supportive pallet. It must've been made from some special material that deceived the eye into thinking it was too thin to handle two grown bodies that were about to get busy. He pushed two large pillows against the wall creating back support.
N'Jadaka held Yani in his arms and kissed her. Their tongues played a gentle game of hide and seek in their mouths. He fondled her breasts and whispered her name over and over, praising her touches all over his body. He nibbled her earlobe, licked the shell of her ear, and groaned while listening to her needy moans. The wide open wings of her labia beckoned him to plunge back inside her pussy. The stickiness between her thighs became molten lava on his hand. She crawled on top of him and guided his twitching erection inside her sugary walls.
"Oh…Killmonger," she sighed.
"Fuck!"
Yani leaned forward and her breasts smothered his face. She rode him hard and fast. He sucked on her nipples and tried stuffing as much of her breasts into his mouth as possible. She started bucking and he cried out with enough passion to make his throat raw. He gripped her big titties and held on to them while she fucked the shit out of him.
"Dammit! Fuck me Yani…keep going like that…oh shiitttttt!"
She leaned back and her breasts bounced like an earthquake rumbled their treehouse. His nutsack reacted to the vision, the hot semen held there on the brink of shooting out from his dick if he let her ride like she was on a mechanical bull much longer.
His lips bunched up and he started begging for mercy.
"Don't make me cum yet baby…please…I'm not ready for you to pull this nut out yet…Yani…Yani…please…"
She laughed and pushed her tits together, extending his torture. Her pussy made splashing noise all over his dick. A creamy stickiness covered his erection and more coated it as her arousal danced into a tipping point. The way his dick stretched her pussy lips as she went up and down paralyzed him into inaction and he took the pounding of her ass on his thighs like a champ. A lesser man would've tapped out a long time ago. He was on the verge and she knew it, and that knowledge turned her into a dick riding tyrant.
"Oh my God…Oh my God….shit, shit, shit, Yani you fucking bitch! Ahhhhh!"
There was no shame in a man screaming because his wife rocked his world. No shame in his voice going up two octaves either. He lifted his body and hugged her tight, slowing down her plans to kill him with pussy. The king planted kisses all over her throat and face before taking her lips. Distracted, Yani went limp in his arms and he flipped her over onto her back.
He plunged in deep, shocking her system. She clawed his back with those rose-gold nails and the pain of breaking skin seeped into his body as pleasure. He pressed his weight down into her and gave her what she wanted. The righteous pounding from a king.
Grunting and cursing, he looked at Yani directly, their warm moaning breath co-mingling
"Fuck me Killmonger! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!"
No noise came out of his mouth. Eventually it stopped coming out of her mouth too. The eroticism of silence shrouded them. Only their overstimulated bodies keened and shrieked the ecstasy drowning their pores.
He hit that sweet spot inside her walls and Yani's mouth opened wider and the tears finally fell. A seismic orgasm rocked her into a silent writhing. Her pussy tightened and quickly rippled a barrage of contractions up and down his dick.
He let go.
His hefty dick swelled within her walls and the first tsunami of cum spilled into her. He hunched his back so tight that he couldn't even focus his eyesight anymore. He became caught in a twilight world of physical euphoria and never needing to live again because he shot his entire life through his dick.
The second wave of his release helped him find his voice and he hollered into the wall the praise songs of his father's gods. Yani stroked the nape of his neck and he groaned out to Ogum to save him before he passed out.
Ogum answered and a soothing sensation trickled along his spine and helped him gather the strength to separate himself from his wife. The sensation rooted itself at the top of his head and he shifted to his knees and gripped his dick that remained erect. Yani squirmed seductively underneath him and kept her gaze on the wide head of his shaft.
"Suck my dick," he demanded.
Yani acquiesced with a smirk on her face. She knew what was coming.
She gave his dick little kisses first, allowing it to recover from his first orgasm of the night. When he glared down at her, she placed the head into her mouth and suckled the ridge and slipped the tip of her tongue into his slit. He groaned and stood up, widening his stance and jerking on his pipe.
Yani worked his dick with a good little slut mouth. She made it sloppy and spit on the tip several times letting saliva fall on her breasts.
"Open that mouth wider…dassit…you know how to handle all that…I know you well girl…made you my wife so I can have you whenever I want…"
She moaned all over his dick, and the vibration curled his toes. His balls throbbed and he didn't warn her verbally at all that he was cumming again. He aimed for the front of her face and she knew from experience what was up. She tilted her head back and he painted steamy white streaks all over the left side of her cheek and neck.
Yani gazed at his cement-hard dick and knew the night was going to be vigorous and long. Glory to Bast and that heart-shaped herb! He would give her pussy a little respite though. Lowering his big body back down on the pallet, he pulled her down in front of him and asked her to lie on her back, keeping her knees up and her thighs open. He wanted to watch his cum drizzle out of her pussy. She obliged as he expected. Situating the pillows in a comfortable position behind his back, N'Jadaka stroked his dick and watched his wife hold open her pussy lips.
"Push it out if you can," he asked.
She didn't have to do too much because a heavy flow came out and slowly became clear as the air hit it.
"Can I try to get you pregnant?" he asked.
Yani grinned knowing that thought got him off the most and she played into it by gently rubbing on her clit and touching all of her delicate piercings one by one for his entertainment.
"You want to cum deep inside of me and put a baby in here?" she cooed.
He heard her angelic voice but only saw the drenched wet pink she caressed.
"I wanna fuck you and put a new baby in your pussy so bad, Yani!"
"Will you fuck me good, Killmonger?"
"Fuck yes…"
She had him gritting his teeth again as she rubbed that pretty vulva slowly.
"I might be pregnant now. You put a lot in me," she teased.
He groaned and his dick jumped hot and ready in his hand.
"Maybe we should put the special lubricant inside me so I can get ready for that big dick again…huh?" she moaned softly.
He groaned louder knowing good and well that special lubricant helped her deal with long continual fucking from him. She was ready to play Lets Make A Baby. But only to amuse him.
He came hard in his hand. With her legs open, he rejoiced in the satisfaction of having an orgasm by watching her masturbate. The quivering in her pussy pushed more of his cum out into a pool of wetness on the sheets. He milked his dick thinking about how many times he was going to fuck her before the sun rose again.
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#King Killmonger The Golden Jaguar#Killmonger Fanfiction#Black Boys Bloom Thorns First#Black Panther Fanfiction#Wakanda Forever Fanfiction#Uzumaki Rebellion Writes#Uzumaki Rebellion#Namor#Youtube
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there’s something so special about seeing yourself in a character- i truly resonate so deeply with ellie for so many reasons and i thought i would just talk about that for a bit because i think it’s really cool 🫶
-her relationship with joel mirrors that of me and my dad, the first time he called ellie “babygirl” i cried because that’s what my dad used to call me. my dad had pretty bad anger issues that passed onto me, and he was so hard on me my whole childhood. but the only thing he hated more than me messing up, was someone else hurting me. he always got himself into bad situations to protect me, and would do anything to protect me. he would lie like crazy to keep me in the dark and away from the atrocities of the world, just like joel did.
-her relationship with dina struck me too, the way she loved her so deeply. ellie goes all in when it comes to emotions ive noticed, much like i do. she would do anything to protect dina, including leaving her. the scene where dina tells ellie shes pregnant hit me so hard, because she cares so much about dina and yet she gets angry and hostile because she’s so upset.
-this is a bit of a jump- but the way she wanted her immunity to mean something. i have a lot of times in my life where i will go through hell to get something, and if it doesn’t end up working out i feel useless. i always have to be the bigger person and help others; much like how ellie wanted to make a cure, even if it would kill her
- her journaling- i’ve been doing it for years and it’s so important to me to have pieces of myself and my life physically on paper
-her love for pus-
-i look a lot like her which was cool to see, we have a lot of the same features and the exact same face shape and nose so i love cosplaying her :)
-her violent tendencies, i was put in sports at a very young age and it was my whole world- but oh my god i was intense about it- i got into so many fights as a kid too, usually to protect my friends and myself(im not like this anymore dw!!! bad childhood phase-)
-the way she interacts with jj reminds me of when my sister was born :(((
-her half up bun hairstyle is literally my signature!!!
-her nerdy ass is so funny to me- i’m also obsessed with comics, dinosaurs and space
-
thank you for coming to my ted talk.
#tlou#ellie williams#ellie tlou#ellie the last of us#character exploration#character kin#the last of us#tlou hbo#tlou2
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strong enough | J. Jungkook (3)
<series masterlist
pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader
genre/tags: idol! Jungkook, idol! reader, idiot exes to lovers, slow burn ; k-drama feels (our beloved summer but not at the same time), angst, drama, fluff, smut
warnings: foul/explicit language, alcohol consumption, unhealthy coping mechanisms, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters, panic attacks, reader is harsh towards Jungkook, Jungkook is a meanie!, mentions of old abuse (major trigger warning!!), talk about blood and wounds
w.c: aproxx 11.2
series summary: you and Jungkook have too many personal problems, during and after your relationship and it keeps getting brought up. you both had tried multiple times to ignore the fact you were both struggling mentally and physically due to your workplace, but you always run back to each other. maybe one day, one day you'll get back to each other, with all your problems handled, maybe not. all you want is for him to shine like he always does, all he wants is you.
a/n at very bottom!
To my love, my forever. You will soon find out the reason why I am the way am I. Give me some time, my love, I will express everything and more to you. Soon, you’ll have everything once I am able to love and care for myself the way I want to do to you. You deserve everything and more than what I could ever give you, and I will be there for you always. I may never give you this, I may never allow you to read this. But just know, you mean so much to me. Even if I’m a pain in the ass, or if I piss you off, you will always be the person who helped me want to change for the better. I know it may seem like i’m leaving you behind, but pushing you away is the best way for me and you to be able to find ourselves. Once we are settled and ready, I will never let you go, ever again. Mark my words, use them against me, but I know that once you let me in, I’ll never leave your side ever again. You’re my one and only, forever. You are my future, my light, the person who drags me to be right. You mean so much to me and more. But for now, let me go to become the one that deserves your love and wellbeing. Take care of yourself, Jungkook, you will do many good things in life, with or without me.
“i think you should give it to him,” one of your members slur out, making your already wobbly head tilt up to her as she hiccups for the 5th time that same hour, you sighed and your head pounded as your squinted tightly to look at her, “seriously! i think he would want closure that way,”
Jungkook definitely did. he knew that when you wrote letters, you meant every little thing. he knew something happened between you and your ex, his name is like a slap in the face to you, and he could always notice.
his hands started to shake as he continued to read your note, he didn’t know how you came all the way to his house just to ring the door bell and drop it off. he was even shocked to notice his name in your handwriting on the top of the note. he wasn’t mad about it, he was just so, so sad. his eyes burned as another drop fell onto his lap. Jungkook knew it was for the best, but why does it hurt so bad and why does he feel like he’ll never get better while you do?
Jungkook didn’t want to think that way, but he did. he always did, he hurts to see you go but hurts even more to see you shine without him. he kept all your little notes in a box, he was really considering giving it back to you since it was at some of your most vulnerable times. he wouldn’t want to keep these just in case he snoops through them, like he’s doing right now as he was putting the other note in there along with the tons of others.
one of them wrote a song that you made about him, him never leaving you and the way you love him. it breaks his heart more, knowing that you’re no longer around, and that he just keeps fucking up.
when you wake up the next morning, your hungover member told you about a box she found outside the door step with your name on it, your ears ring as you stand in front of the box sitting on your bed, biting the inside of your cheek because this was Jungkook’s box. it had a polaroid of the two of you with shots in your hands on his balcony last summer. it was his favorite picture of you both and wanted to keep it with all the letters you even written him.
you pace around your room for like and hour, biting your lip and running your hand through your hair to calm yourself down. it finally felt like you guys were officially over, no matter how many times you’ve broken up. when you opened it finally, there was a new one, one you definitely didn’t write. you don’t even remember going to his house and giving him the one you were gonna keep for your sake.
it was Jungkook’s hand writing, you knew it from the back of your palm, literally as you have a tattoo that he gave you himself. it read,
forever
and looking at it makes you sick. you felt like crap anytime you thought of him, what you had put him through, all the stuff he doesn’t know about you. you knew him so well, but did he actually even know you, truly? it made you want to cry, the tears lining your waterline and you fight the urge.
you give yourself time before opening up his letter, preparing yourself for the worst or to cry. when you start reading it, you felt like he was there with you. it felt as if he was pacing around your room, looking you dead in the eyes and telling you everything you’ve been wanting to hear, but at the wrong time.
I miss you a lot, I know I say that a lot, but it’s true. I’m glad you wrote me this, I’m glad you’re trying to find ways to open up to me, I’m glad you love me. You are my everything, I want what’s best for you, and if it’s not me then so be it. You deserve the whole fucking world, and I hope you know I tried so hard to give it to you. Maybe, in the long run, we can be happy together. Maybe we can be able to know each other truly, I always wanted to. I believe in right person, wrong time, because you’ll forever be my person, even if i’m not in the picture. I love you, ______, I always will.
you wanted to sob, you didn’t even know what to do. you had dropped the note off not expecting anything back, but getting everything back? even a letter from him, confessing how much he loves and cares for you. you didn’t know how to feel, if it was closure or not. to you, yours was supposed to be. his, his was a love letter, you’ll never let go of it.
you had one more promotion for you group, and you had to prepare in so many ways. you had to practice tons, and practing handling your emotions until you’re a zombie to what you truly feel, you couldn’t handle being around Jungkook for long. it’s crazy, how much you used to look at him thinking you’d never do anything to hurt him, yet you’re over here making him suffer because you are in your head. it tears at the deepest parts of you, and it makes you feel so much at once.
so when it came to the event, you felt your knees lock when you saw him sitting with his team. he looked breathtaking, and it sucks that you can’t look at him for long before you cry because he looks too good. Jungkook always looked good, but whenever you wanted to ignore him, it’s like he knows and wants to look that fine. you gulp hard because walking to over your assigned seats, a couple seats back behind them but at an angle to a way that you can see every part of Jungkook, his hands and thighs especially.
ones that put you through hell, sent you to another universe is what he would of said and has said before, smoking off your balcony as you sat on his lap with your legs shaking trying to not fall off. he laughed as he smacked your thighs, watching them shake more as you practically whine in soreness.
he took another puff off his cig before putting it down on his designated ash tray, but even knowing you didn’t smoke, he kissed you hard, forcing the hot smoke into your mouth and through your pipes, allowing him to do anything to you because you were obsessed with everything he did.
“fucked you out, huh, princess?” he said against your ear as he gave you a second to breathe, making you almost choke as his hand started to move down and between your thighs, giving them a squeeze before going deep between them to touch you where you shook the most.
let’s just say, the memory had your legs close tightly together. the thought of how much have gave you that night, it made you miss him even more for just taking care of you like he said he would. you could feel it starting to stick against your skin, immediately wanting to go to the bathroom.
you thought you were stable enough to walk down the stairs in front of all the idols and fans including, instead you almost dropped face first into the steps instead someone’s hand wrapped around your waist and around the inside of your thigh, gripping it hard as they held you from falling to your death infront of thousands of people.
“your shoes too big for you, baby?”
you really thought you were going crazy, that his presence was just teasing you. but as your eyes dragged themselves down to the hand around the inside of your thigh, you weren’t going crazy. the tattoos proving who the man really was and how his thumb was very close to your throbbing clit. you shivered before quicking bowing at him once you leave his grip and speed walking towards the exit.
the moment you got alone in a hallway, you looked around before pulling out your phone to text your leader where you were going to be, the bathroom, before you hear a door open behind you. you go to put your phone away, but a tight grip around your waist turns you towards the person, your phone falling on to the floor and your mouth to open up, perfect for the attacker to kiss you hard.
another hand grabs your hair and you immediately knew who it was based on the way he was holding you. he knew, and knew it was because of him. that’s all your thought about when his lips were softly against yours, until you felt his hands creeping up. he just knew how to distract you from the facts and knows how to get you to enjoy his attack.
“can we talk soon, princess?” he whispers lowly in your ear once he pulls away from your now desperate lips trying to reach his. you whimper at the nickname, one that just rolls off his tongue in such a degrading way, he grabs your chin softly, turning your face to face him. his eyes invited yours, and the longer you looked into them, the more you felt entranced by him.
“talk about what?” you sighed into his hold, which he notices and gives you your favorite smile in the whole world. it hard to ignore his hands gripping your waist, your hands clinging onto his dress shirt as he holds you, you didn’t expect to be in this position.
“we will talk later tonight, i’ll pick you up?”
“how, with what car-”
“i’ll figure it out, anything for you,” he presses his forehead against yours, making your eyes squeeze shut as he lets out a little chuckle because of your reaction to his proximity being so close to you, you could almost feel his breath against your lips. “you know i’ll do whatever i need to do to see you, i will figure out a way to see you later tonight, bunny, i promise,” he kisses your nose softly before letting you go without your even realizing he picked up your phone for you, a smile across his face as you nodded your head for him.
Jungkook didn’t give you a time, or a place to when he was going to pick you up. before you left the event, you had asked him what he was planning on doing with you and he just told you that you’ll have to wait and find out. Jungkook knew how to make you worry about what could happen. what should you even wear? is he taking me somewhere to eat? it’s kinda late for that-
doink
something just hit your window as you were pulling your pants up, you almost tripped in shock but managed to pull them up and fix yourself before going to your window. there he was, the man of your dreams, the love of your life, standing down there searching for more rocks to toss at your window.
you cracked your dorm room window open, not even wanting to question how he managed to get over the brick wall to get into the dorms, and he smiles when he sees your head peaking from the bottom of the window. he pats his hands on his thighs while you watch him with curiosity.
“get down here bunny, we have a lot to do tonight,” he stood up straight, hands put in his pockets as he stared off at you. you would of jumped right there into his arms after that nickname, you almost whined before nodding your head like an idiot and shutting your window.
you managed to sneak out, grabbed your shoes at the front and headed out from the back blind spot and running to where Jungkook stood, his hands tucked in his pockets to stay warm. his left arm raised so you could wrap your arm around it, a habit of the both of you. you just ignored the bad feelings and wrapped your arm around his, feeling his arm tighten around yours as you both started to walk to the car.
“you gonna tell me where we’re going, Jeon?” you tilt your head, your left knee against his center console as your left side rested on his passenger seat. his hand slid up to your knee, leaving you in shock as he gripped it in warning.
“stop asking questions, baby,” he tapped his finger on your knee, not even bothering to look your way. you huffed as you closed your eyes, trying to ignore his thumb moving against your thigh now, his hand resting against it too.
“Jungkook, you know we can be doing this again. i know you remember what happened last time,” you warned, your head felt like it was spinning, none of this felt real. Jungkook bit his lip ring in thought, he just wanted to talk to you and apologize. he always wants to talk to you even if he’s been rude.
“______, what do you think i’m going to do to you tonight?” he spoke deeply, it sent waves through your spine, and down to your poor kitty. it’s crazy, what this big eyed man can do to you with only his hand on your thigh while he speaks to you like your his.
“i- i don’t know, what are you asking me? i’m just confused why you’re doing this-”
“what do you want me to do to you tonight, baby? is there something else bothering you that only i can fix?” his hand rubs your inner thigh, occasionally softly squeezing the skin closest to where you needed help the most. “i’ll do whatever you want me to do to you, you just have to speak up, darling. is that okay? can you do that for me, princess?”
you almost moaned, gasping at his eagerness to help you with whatever you want, and you knew he meant that. “Jungkook, we can’t be doing thing again, as much as we want to-”
“fuck that and fuck no contact, we were doing good as fuck the last time we were friends. can we not be friends, baby?”
“that’s why! you keep calling me my favorites, you can’t do that to me..” you whined, you wanted to hide away as he giggled at how you whined. when the car slowly starts to come to a stop, you got reminded that the whole time you were talking to him, getting teased by him, he was driving. “Jungkook… where are we?”
“let me help you out and show you,” he smiled, and you just knew that you had to trust him, why? because he’s Jeon Jungkook, why wouldn’t you trust the love of your life?
when he open your door, hand already reaching for his as he helped you out of the car, the smell of salt hit your face in a whiff, making you smile at the moment you had at this beach with Jungkook. but why here? why did he want to talk here?
you didn’t trust your voice, watching his open his back door to grab a blanket and cigs, which you thought he quit, with a lighter and a flashlight. you didn’t say a word as you hugged onto his arm as he walked to a specific place, your guys place. the place where he gave you head for the very first time, you found sand up there for at least a day after that.
“do you trust me, sugar?” Jungkook asked you, tugging you to sit next to him on the blanket over the cold sand at the dark lonely beach. it’s like he knew what you were worried about, could you trust him again? it’s not like he broke your trust, it’s about you trusting yourself around him. if anything besides talking happens tonight, and you guys become exactly what you were afraid of becoming, you won’t know what to do with yourself.
it’s a bit selfish you thought, as his hand rested against your shoulder as you snuggled against his neck, breathing in only Jungkook and a little bit of salt. you loved this, but it couldn’t get any farther than this. just small, and slight, touches and sometimes kisses, only at certain times. the sound of the waves crashing tingled your ears, debating if you should listen to his heartbeat or not.
“do you know why i want you out here with me tonight, baby?” his voice vibrated your cheek as he spoke, his fingers gliding against the thin fabric of your long sleeved shirt. you hummed, you felt him swallow before you moved your head to face him.
“i wouldn’t have asked you that a million times in the car, Jungkook,” he smiles when your eyes finally reach his. he used to ask you, what did you see when you looked into his eyes? you usually just laughed it off or ignored the question, but now you think you know the questions answer. Home. in other words, Jungkook was your confort, the one you would go to, the one who makes you feel the safest, the one who keeps you feeling warm. Jungkook was your favorite.
Jungkook leans in, you can almost feel his breath against the wind, you almost forget where you are when you look deeply into his eyes. he leans so close to you that you could almost kiss him. you feel his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you closer- and closer to him, until your hovering above him.
you looked down at him, his hand sliding down your waist and on to your thigh to swing your leg over his body. he’s got you now, almost spread wide for him as his eyes glazed your entire body, making your shiver.
“let’s that about why you were so wet when i caught you from eating shit in front of everyone today, huh? or maybe… why you’re so wet right now, was it from the car ride? you just couldn’t wait, hm? baby?” he smacked your thigh, and you almost whimper at his words, “sit down on me, love. you know you want to. i’ll do anything you want me to, just let me in this one or more times and you won’t regret it this time,”
oh boy, you were in for a ride. baby, princess, sugar, darling, bunny, love. hearing that one burned, deeply in two places. your poor heart as you feel his hands grip your sides, and your poor throbbing cunt that it about to get slammed onto his hard on resting below you. either or, you know you’re safe and whatever happens can be dealt with. why? because you’re with Jeon Jungkook, why wouldn’t it be fine?
a/n: holy shit, this took forever and i sincerely apologize!! i love how this episode turned out and i will give you guys a slight warning! spicy scenes are coming up and I’m not backing down from this. it will be the dirtiest, most greatest- yeah! anyways, thank you for your patience, i love you all🥹
taglist: @loumin908 @heartjiminie @cuntessaiii @parkinglot-nights @minsoa97kor @jkgirlfr @lavendersugarplum @gaebestie @whoa-jo @kp0pficdump @yunholuv @skzthinker @shwkoqp18 @veemegatron @kaiparkerwifes @alextgef @nerdycheol @nightappple @nlr1606 @chl0buggy
if your tag isn’t gray, please fix your settings so i can tag you next time love!
#hyukaslvr#writers on tumblr#kpop fyp#kpop writers#bts#bts fanfic#jungkook bts#bts x reader#bts smut#bts army#bts fic#bts x y/n#bts x you#bts x fem!reader#bts x army#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook imagine#jungkook smut#jungkook fanfic#i love jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook#bts jungkook#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jeon jungkoooook#kpop smut#kpop x reader
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(blog update)
Hey guys, a few months ago, I had an epiphany. Social media makes me utterly miserable. Of course, there are good things about social media, but I believe the bad often outweighs the good. The stress, the drama, the negativity, the dishonesty, the addictive nature of these platforms, things that no one should ever have to put up with. I believe most of the happiness people gain from social media isn't really genuine, it feels more like quick dopamine hits rather than long lasting and fulfilling joy.
If anyone here is also having doubts about social media like me, I would highly recommend taking a break for at least a week, try to engage in a hobby you really enjoy, learn a new skill, talk to people in your real life. Then, see how that made you feel. Did you feel better? If so, then maybe social media isn't for you.
I don't see myself being a Tumblr user ever again, as I found this platform to be especially toxic. However I cannot, and will never be angry at, or hold any negative feelings towards anyone who has been unkind in the past. You cannot control the actions of others, you can only control the way you react.
I value all of you and hope you all succeed in life, no matter how challenging that is.
All that being said, I am not leaving the internet as a whole, and I'm still just as invested in Mii/Nintendo stuff as always. I am still active on platforms like YouTube and discord. And I have my own website, so if any of you would like to keep in touch or reach out, I’d be happy to hear from you :)
Discord: Zorrpu
Youtube:
website:
If you want to leave social media, but still want a platform, you can always make your own website, here's a free HTML course to get you started, if interested:
If you want to read more on the effects of social media, I’ll link some interesting material below:
youtube
youtube
#miiblr#i love miis#mii enjoyer#my posts#blog update#nintendo#social media#I hope this post speaks to someone out there#zorrpu#Youtube
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i just finished working boys. holy shit??/pos
mentions of show spoilers under cut
SO. welcome to my ted talk. i just finished working boys. what. the. FUCK. but like in a good way. i loved it! i watched it with my dad kinda and i was giggling the entire time. i love rob as hidgens but if hidgens was anyone else BESIDES jeff i would have honestly not felt the same about it. jeff did great in the whole thing.
also, RUTHH!!.., MY BABY💔💔 SHE DID NO WRONG. IT WAS HER DEBUT☹️ she did great and i loved the few seconds of screentime she had.
the people in the audience were also making my tism alarm go off. if i can recall it was bill, ted, officer bailey, ms mulberry, richie, grace, gerald, linda, and brenda? those are all the people i can remember. seeing richie and grace go to see ruth actually made me go crazy i love them all SO MUCH. i wanna take richie and shake him. Ted was being a little asshole as always/pos. poor bill was abandoned. AND GERALD AND LINDA? oh my god i love them. i have a love-hate relationship with linda except she doesnt know who i am and would spit on me and i love her but also need her to suffer. I wanted to take the scene where him and linda are cuddling and just stay there forever. officer bailey made me laugh but also how is that man a cop. he just handed grace the gun?? ALSO GRACE IS SO BADASS BUT SHES CRAZY?? SUPPORT WOMENS WRONGS!! she started saying sumthing about the lord and i got chills.
the dead workin boys?? that was so sick what??
LIKE?? JON ILY YOU SCARE ME SO MUCH/pos. THIS WAS A JUMPSCARE BUT A GOOD ONE.
I LOVE THIS TOO? I FOR THE LIFE OF ME CANNOT TELL WHO THIS IS BUT THEY LOOK SO SCARY AND SICK I LOVE IT
RAHH I LOVE THIS LOOK. I LOVE HOW THEY ARE ALL COMING OUT OF THE MOST UNNATURAL PLACES.
OH MARK YOU SCARE ME SO MUCH MY UNSETTLING LITTLE BABY❤️ PLEASE NEVER SHOW UP AGAIN
THIS IS SUCH A BAD ANGLE BUT ITS STILL SO GOOD?? THEY ALL LOOK SO AWESOME
IDK IF ITS ALL MAKEUP OR CGI OR A MIX BUT WHOEVER DID IT DID GREAT.
THE MUSIC WAS AMAZING. LIKE IDK IF THIS IS ON SPOTIFY OR NOT OR IF I GOTTA UPLOAD WHAT I CAN FIND PRIVATELY FOR MYSELF. STARKID I LOVE YOU.
ALSO THE UNCANNYNESS OF PROFESSOR HIDGENS LAST WORDS BEING “i cant wait to get home to my boys..” WHILE BEING SHOT AT BY GRACE. HE JUST WANTED TO IMPRESS HIS BOYFRIENDS ☹️
uhm uhm im gonna shut up now because my brain is being overwhelmed by over analyzing this but please please please talk to me about this
#starkid#workin boys#working boys#grace chasity#professor henry hidgens#professor hidgens#ruth fleming#hatchetfield#gerald monroe#linda monroe#richie lipschitz#ted spankoffski#bill woodward
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„I hope, I’ll always have you in my mind, so that I know to find you every time.“
„Put your head on my chest, that’s your safe place. We‘ll fall deeper in love every day. From life unto life and for always.“ („Soul Mate“ by Flora Cash)
There’s something in my current life, that came hand in hand with my disease ME/CFS…slowly creeping into my fibres…infecting my mind with sadness. It’s loneliness, that I’m talking about. Overwhelming, crushing, suffocating loneliness.
Before this cruel bitch of a disease put a stopper in my life, as I knew it from before, I haven’t been healthy, either. But neither my severe Colitis Ulcerosa, nor the other few sicknesses and disabilities had achieved to break me the way, ME/CFS broke me!
What’s left, is only a shell of myself…a sad shadow of the woman, I’ve been prior to today. Where did the intelligent, sassy, witty and caring person go to, when she disappeared so insidiously from my personality? On some days, I still get a little glimpse of her, when I’m talking to my beloved friends @vulnus-sanare, @preciousthelmadonna or my bestie Miri, who often just “enjoys” sitting beside me in my dark room…embraced by silence and darkness. These tiny jiffies, when I’m recognising my previous character…my true nature, even though it’s only for a brief time, I’m feeling a little less anxious…a little less worthless.
But sadly, these moments become more rare with each new PEM crash of my disease (PEM = Post-exertional malaise = worsening of symptoms after certain activities). It feels as if I’m fading away from life…I’m fading away from other people’s lives as well as from my own.
Since I can’t leave my dark room - and most of the time even my bed - I’m not capable of joining social gatherings anymore. It’s impossible for me to endure listening to more than one person at once, so even my three kids have to “visit” me one after the other in my chamber. There are days, when I can’t even reply to messages from others, just because screen time is killing me.
All the more, I’m grateful for these few friends, who stay with me, no matter how silent I am, because they make me feel worthier and loved. And yet, I’m afraid of not being able to give them the same amount of support in return…due to the restrictions of my cruel reality, which are confining me.
So, there are many days, which I’m spending in total gloominess and silence with nothing but solitude surrounding me. And even if I’d be capable of sending text or audio messages (since I can’t type them out properly sometimes), I often hold myself back from reaching out to these understanding friends…only because I don’t want to be a burden to them.
I commissioned the lovely artist @hannisimp for this beautiful piece of art. Lin, you gave me exactly, what I needed with this tender artwork of yours. You gave me the feeling of being less alone. Severus accompanies me for 21 years now. He’s the safe haven, the comfort blanket, which I’m clinging to so desperately! My dear, I can’t stress enough, how grateful I am for your fine art. You made the love and the trust between Severus and my - oh, so self-inserted - OC Jules become palpable. There are no words to express my gratitude, so I just stay with these: Thank you for everything, my friend! Thank you for your talent, your kindness and each of your messages. I won’t ever take these things for granted.
🖤Severus & Julia🖤
🖤Sevy & Jules🖤
#Severus x Julia#Sevy x Jules#severus x oc#fuck me/cfs#commissioning artwork is my goddamn coping mechanism#this is my red carpet for all the artists of snape fandom#I‘m so fucking lonely#loneliness#severus snape#i love snape#he’s by my side for 21 years now#21 years and still counting#snape#i love severus#pro snape#snape love#i would protect him with my life#snape content#pro severus snape#severus snape art#snart#severus fanart#severus snape fan art#snape art#mecfs#writing is my coping mechanism#snapedom
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I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.
Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx
that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention
So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!
so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.
I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.
There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.
I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.
sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!
I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout!
again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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how long have you been watching wakfu
Hey moth ✨✨
I’ve actually been watching Wakfu since 2012.
The first time I heard about it was when I used to have Netflix and even then, that was back when the streaming platform didn’t have Season 2 yet lol
What drew me into watching it was mainly cuz of the cover. This one specifically 👇
It used to only show Yugo opening a portal and because of the style, it made me wonder what the story could be about (at the time I used to think Yugo looked pretty cute so that was also another reason lol).
I remember how my first instinct was switch the language to English when I first watched it. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. The reason why I switched it for english tho was because netflix was primarily English so I thought that the French language of Wakfu wasn’t the main one (and I thought it sucked without even taking a second to listen to it 💀 ) Thankfully, as soon as I heard Alibert and Ruel talking, I IMMEDIATELY went back to the settings cuz I knew I fucked up. I ain’t listening to this trash again lol
So I switched it to French and i realized it was a thousand times BETTER than the English version. That’s when I realized Wakfu was french.
I loved the places and the people. It was something I’ve never seen before. The French dubbing was so smooth and funny I loved it so much. The “fillers”, which let’s be honest weren’t actual fillers, were also so fun to see with the whole gang.
Even at the time, I used to believe there would eventually be something between Amalia and Yugo lol cuz ain’t no way you guys constantly hug like this for the dumbest reasons.
When Season 1 ended, I really hoped they weren’t gonna do us like that because I really wanted a season season. At the time I didn’t think ankama already did Season 2 (since 2011 💀) cuz I thought Netflix was always on time so it took me some time to wait for it but a year passed by and it finally got here!! I was so happy that day you had no idea. I had to wait for a whole year before it dropped so my ass was pretty much traumatized after seeing Dally die for the first time I legit thought that he was gonna come back cuz of Nox’s machine but nope 💀 I remember being so sad when I first saw that ending. I really didn’t want it to end, I got too attached to these guys (Amalia was still my favorite back then cuz she was too relatable)
So i watched Season 2 in 2013 AND I LOVED IT. Again, they couldn’t disappoint me. It just got better from that day on.
That’s when I slowly started to dig deeper into Wakfu because there were so many references to things that Yugo and the others were saying that I didn’t even understand. I then learned that Wakfu was based on an MMORPG with the same name,Wakfu, and that there was a prequel to it, Dofus. I also saw how they even had a side story called “Mini Wakfu” which were just shorts from Season 1. I watched that mini series on youtube back then.
Because of Season 2, I was now sure that there will be more to it because so much has been said and yet so little has been explored. So I waited, bought myself some time by watching other shows.
That’s when the ovas happened.
And oh my god I was not ready for it.
The ovas released in 2016 on Netflix but had already been a thing since 2014. Blame Netflix.
And again, there were so much more references that made me feel so confused like who Otomaï was, Ogrest (who was only a giant mention in Season 1 to me), Maskemane, Echo, Sipho, Harebourg, etc.
I was confused but so intrigued because it made me learn that the Krosmoz was A LOT BIGGER than what I thought it would be. And that’s what I like. I love how a story has multiple timelines, has complex strange plot holes in certain places that makes you want to become a theorizer, has so many diverse characters and relationships. Things like those are why I fell in love with the legend of Zelda and fnaf franchises.
That’s how I learned about the mangas, comics, different games (Dofus, Wakfu, Krosmaga, Dofus touch, minor Dofus games on the App Store, etc.) as well as cancelled games (Islands of Wakfu, Wakfu: Les Gardiens, etc). I even started learning more about the Dofus era by going through Dofus shows like “Dofus : Kerub’s Bazaar”.
Right after the ovas, I watched Goultard’s special episode, Ogrest’s special episode, and Nox’s special episode. Then, I saw the Dofus movie featuring Joris and his mom before watching the show. After, I read the wakfu manga that was supposed to situate itself between Season 2 and the ovas. At the time, there were only four volumes so I binge read them all on a google drive that someone was kind enough to share publicly (that google drive doesn’t exist anymore). All of this happened in 2016 btw.
After that, I waited for more news of Wakfu but my dumbass got sidetracked because of binge watching other shows while waiting. I was joining multiplie fandoms while unconsciously waiting for more of Ankama. And that’s how I missed Season 3 that came out in 2017 💀💀 I’m so dumb my god all I had to do was wait another year but noooo youtube had to show me the new season trailer in 2018 instead!
I went back to Netflix, freaking the hell out, binge watched the whole season, got emotional, loved Oropo for kissing Amalia cuz I knew there’d be drama, absolutely adored the whole percedal family being a family, trying not to laugh at Adamaï’s look for the first time, expecting Ruel to get hard over money, and LOVED the drama between Yugo and Amalia. I WAS A FAN OF THEIR SHIP SINCE SEASON 1 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD which is why I was so happy that we finally got to see so much more of their problems being addressed.
After that, I knew I needed more so I went back to reading comics. I bought the actual volumes 1 to 4 of the wakfu manga (because I wanted to have a physical copy of them even though I already read the story) and then waited for the fifth one. As soon as volume 5 released in 2019 (July 4), I TOOK IT FROM AMAZON’S HANDS CUZ VOLUME 4 WAS KILLING ME WITH IT’S ENDING- (I’ve been waiting since 2016, I wasn’t gonna wait any longer).
In 2020, I joined the best wakfu amino on the amino app, and then mainly went looking for Ankama related things like their anime Radiant (I started reading the manga first and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT FOR ITS ORIGINALITY. But I still can’t believe that it got released back in 2013 tho…) and then watched the anime that came out for it (the opening song was good but I hate how the anime changed some things to the story. The manga is better but the anime gets its fair share of popularity so I guess that’s good).
In 2021-2022 I think that’s where I heard about the kickstarter for Wakfu Season 4 and I was mind blown when I saw the trailer for it.
In 2023, I bought Ogrest’s volumes 1 to 4 because I’ve been waiting to read and know more about Ogrest and what was the deal with the Sadida dolls since I heard about those from some people. My god the manga was so good!! I’m still waiting for that volume 5 but I’m extremely certain that it will come very soon now since Mig, the illustrator for the Ogrest manga, has been giving small sneak peeks here and there lately. It was also in the same year that I learned about the One More Gate game and watched Oropo’s special episode.
Then came 2024. And that’s where I went ape shit. Now you know everything ✨
The latest thing I bought from Ankama shop in 2024 now was the standard version of the Amalia figurine, the vinyl disc pack containing Krosmoz osts, and the Wakfu S3 artbook (tho the artbook was actually not something that you can find in the Ankama shop. I had to dig deep on Amazon and find a seller willing to give it away).
So yeah my history with Wakfu is a pretty messy one and has always been all over the place mainly because I was so slow back then to realize when the releases were happening and how the lore was actually constructed lol
Like it took me so much time to understand that Wakfu was only one piece of a bigger puzzle set and being unaware of so many things back then is still something I tend to regret. I understand that it was because I was still a snotty kid back then who didn’t know much about the internet but I can’t help myself to think how easy it was to keep up the pace 💀
At least I won’t have to think I’m late anymore because I’ve got a better idea of how it all works now.
Wakfu has been playing a huge part in my life because it’s always been at the back of my mind no matter what fandom I was in at the time. Sure, it was at the back burner but I never had the intention of forgetting about it. It holds way too many memories of the simpler times and has a lot of great ideas I think I’ve never seen other shows have.
#i literally gave a full timeline of this lol#wakfu#ankama#krosmoz#wakfu yugo#wakfu amalia#wakfu eva#wakfu evangelyne#wakfu ruel#wakfu ruel stroud#wakfu dally#wakfu percedal#wakfu adamaï#wakfu adamai#wakfu season 1#wakfu s1#wakfu asks#wakfu ask#wakfu season 2#wakfu s2#wakfu season 3#wakfu s3#wakfu season 4#wakfu s4#wakfu amalia sheran sharm#amalia sheran sharm#yugo
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34. But home was a dream, one I'd never seen 'til you came along
Got say this is such a powerfull phrase that any character will do Donna, like the Med guys (Lanik, Abrams, Mitchell) or the Mayans or our men in Fire Country, whatever you feel like it
Also Jason Isbell's Cover me up is fave song <3 (I recognize several lines incluind this one) in fact Southeastern is a fav album
Sending love & hugs
I felt this just really suited Mitch esp with his history. I love the idea of him settling down and being happy.
It is such an interesting song, I feel it has real duality to it, the way he describes he was before the drink and after. I just love the emotion in it.
Mitch has never had a home, not until he met you.
He tells you that one night when the two of you are tangled up in one another. It’s three in the morning and he’s staring into your eyes in the aftermath of your love making. You are the only person in the world who makes him feel happy, who makes him feel safe.
His life has always been fraught with instability. His childhood was a mish mash of foster parents and mental hospitals because his mom was either too drunk or too high to take care of him. He’s managed to make something of himself despite those odds, found a way to help other people. Despite the fact he’s moved, the fact he’s healthy he’s never been able to settle.
It’s the reason all of his relationships have been casual, the reason he’s never gone all in. Doing that means revealing a part of yourself and he could never bare to discuss his history.
And then he met you and everything, it just came pouring out and that was before the two of you had crossed the line, before he admitted he’s fallen in love with you.
“You say you’ve never had a home.” You whisper as your fingertips trace over his cheek. “So let’s make one together, a place that’s just for us.”
When Mitch sees the house on Ebron Street during one of his runs, he knows it’s the one. It’s a small, fixer upper in a nice neighbourhood, there’s a porch and a small yard.
“It’s got good bones.” He says when the agent gives you the tour. “I could do a lot of the renovation work myself.”
One of his foster parents used to be a contractor, he’d take Mitch on jobs, put him to work. He’s the only one through Mitch’s life that he’d maintained contact with after he aged out the system. He’d given him a job to supplement his income while he was studying in college. He still helps out occasionally on the weekends.
The look in his eyes when Mitch talks about his plans for this place…
You know he’s found his home.
The two of you put in an offer in the next day.
You’ve never seen him as happy as when you get the news it’s yours. Mitch pours his heart and soul into renovating that house, you help the best you can. He enjoys teaching you a few tricks of the trade, working with you to create a safe space that’s full of laughter, happiness and love.
“I never thought I’d have this.” He says during your first night in the house. The two of you are laying in bed together, his thumb ghosting over the apple of your cheek as he looks into your eyes. “I never thought I’d find a home.”
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(Tw for self-harm and abuse)
I just had a really weird ask show up, and instead of airing it (because it implied both that we choose to be gay, and that trans people wouldn't be trans unless we were m*olested as children) I'm gonna talk a bit about my long journey with identity.
Even though I spent a lot of my childhood being pretty confused about myself, I didn't hear the word 'Transgender' until I was an adult in 2009. That year I also got my license suspended for underage drinking and had to move back with my parents for a year. At my parents urging I started going to church activities every week, which is where i met my now ex-wife. I spent 2011 until about 2016 slowly knowing that I was going to come out eventually, but i was doing it all in secret. What I was doing was in pretty stark contrast to my religious upbringing and all the pressure being placed on me to start being a husband, and the huge expectation to have kids.
It culminated in me wearing makeup to my old Home Depot job for about a month, and even though everyone there was pretty ok with it, my parents saw me one day. And the entire situation crashed around me. My parents and my ex let it be known that I was going to stop this forever or I'd be cut off from the family, that I'd be homeless and alone if I continued. They said what I was doing was against God.
And I was so scared I went along with it. Everything fem was thrown away. I shaved my head. I had a kid, even though I had some serious doubts that I would be a good parent. The next 4 years of my life was pretending to be the cis straight man my family wanted me to be.
And it's not a stretch to say that I was dying. I slept 3 hours a day. I went through periods of binge eating and then starving myself. I had a terrible temper. I started working a driving job and every time I got behind the wheel I thought about driving off a cliff. I gave up control of my finances. I let other people decide everything for me. I didn't get pleasure from anything in life at that point, not food or entertainment or even sex. The light was gone from my eyes, hidden behind a big beard and a flannel shirt.
It wasn't until summer 2021 that I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down in front of my ex-wife in a restaurant parking lot while our kid was asleep in the car. It was a 2-day fight where I was called hateful things I've never heard before, by someone who claimed to love me. But eventually she relented. We agreed the relationship between us was functionally over, and I still had an obligation to our son. I started looking for therapy the next day.
All that brings me to now. That ask was sent by an asshole, who doesn't know anything about my life and isn't gonna change their mind based on anything I say. But I do hope there are people who find this and think a little more positively about queer existence. You could say I 'chose to be trans' and you might be right in a way. I was always trans, but I chose to transition. Because the other option was death. I decide my life, not transphobes or my shit family or a shit interpretation of God. Me. Gay people, trans people, all of us *choose* to live in a way that makes us happy. That's it.
#asks open#asks#natalie answers#trans#lgbtq#lgbt#transgender#transisbeautiful#transfem#mtf trans#queer community#transition
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