#Sevy x Jules | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrs-snape5984 · 2 days

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„You’re not alone, together we stand. I’ll be by your side, you know, I’ll take your hand…”

“Just stay strong, ‘cause you know, I’m here for you…” (“Keep holding on” by Avril Lavigne)

I decided to set a trigger warning on this post: Miscarriages, high risk pregnancies, ICSI treatments, traumatic wish for a child journey, hysterectomy. So, please feel free to skip the following x paragraphs, if you feel triggered by these topics. Thank you.

Those of you lovely people of Snapedom, who know me and my way of blogging about Severus and my personal hardships might have noticed, that I’m mostly venting about ME/CFS and the crumbs, which are left from my former life. Since I can’t do much about it right now, I decided to “fix” another one of my countless issues…an internal wound, which desperately needs to heal!

As some of you might remember, I’m a mother of three wonderful children. There are my eleven years old twins and then there’s my six years old daughter. My pregnancies were the result of a long and painful journey of ICSI treatments, several miscarriages, way too many tears, about ten surgeries - due to Endometriosis and myomas - which eventually ended in a hysterectomy four years ago.

My desperate wish for a child led me to some decisions and life choices, which I probably wouldn’t have made, if I would have been clearer…maybe more stable in my whole mindset. One of these choices was a totally over rushed marriage to a narcissistic man, who made me believe, that he wanted the same. Gosh…I’ve been so desperate and so fucking stupid! Well, at least I got my twins because of him.

I went to the appointment for the transfer of the embryos on my own. He didn’t want to join the procedure…and I should have known, that he was already saying “goodbye” back then.

The pregnancy was rough. I had to lie in bed from the 8th week of pregnancy until they were born as premature babies in the 29th week of pregnancy. The last 4,5 months of pregnancy, I had to stay in the hospital…fighting for my babies’ lives all on my own. The father of them had decided, that he didn’t want to be a father anymore…wow…

I don’t want to go further into details about this phase of my life…at least not yet. I commissioned my friend @alinearthp for this project and asked her for several drawings of the different phases of my journey to become a mother. This artwork will be the start of my healing process…and I’m incredibly grateful, that you’re doing this for me, Aline! I know, that you’ll need time to draw all these wishes of mine, but I’ll be patiently waiting for each of your breathtaking pieces of art, my dear!

So, for the next couple of months, Severus will accompany me on my path through this phase of my past…just like he did back then, when I spent months in a hospital bed in “Trendelenburg” position. During this period of my life - and to be honest, in so many other phases of the past 21 years, as well - I clung to my imagination of Severus in order to feel less helpless and alone. His resilience and determination have always been my inspiration to keep going through all these hardships, which life kept throwing at me. He’s the love of my life…and he will forever be the guiding light in my darkness.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“I finally found you…”

“I remember all them days I waited so patiently, until god brought someone who's gonna be good to me. And he blessed my soul…” (“I found you” by Alabama Shakes)

Twenty one years ago, I found the love of my life. I opened a book…and suddenly he was there….stepping angrily into my life with wide billowing robes. Surrounded by a gloomy cloud of bitterness and sarcasm…piercing my heart with his sharp wit.

Only a few sentences….and I fell head over heels for this arrogant, brilliant mastermind. He’s my other half…the one, I’m finding myself within.

His cynicism - a clear indication of his high intellect - is matching my sense of sarcasm so exquisitely. In his bitterness - a telltale sign of his high sensitivity - I feel at home. Sharing our emotions of loneliness and grief makes them feel less unbearable.

Stubborn and stoical, he’s braving the cruelty of the world…allowing me to find inspiration in his resilience. Each of his words is divine to me…comforting my troubled soul.

Twenty one years of loving this character never failed to make me feel less alone. Twenty one years, I had a companion…an ally to face the traumatic events of my life with him by my side. Twenty one years….and I’ll never stop counting.

Twenty one years of unconditional…undeniable love for him. Twenty one years with Severus Snape.

I’ve commissioned my friend Mani, the wonderful @madfantasy, to make the moment of finding the love of my existence come to life. Mani, I will never understand, how perfectly you’re capable of grasping the deepest truth of my heart. Your drawing hand seems to have a direct connection to my soul. There can’t be another explanation for the excellence of your understanding of my ideas. My dear friend, you’re having an unique gift with your incredibly outstanding art style. Each time, I see a piece of your work, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I enjoy every little bit of our interactions, Mani. Every smile, every tear, every single emotion between our lines makes you so precious to me. Thank you for everything. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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„You look beautiful undone…and my heart's connected.“

„We learn the most when we least expect it. We learn the most when we break in two. (…) It's the cracks that let the light shine through…“ („Beautiful Undone” by Laura Doggett)

“Her hands were brushing a strand of his silky hair out of his face and in this exact moment, Julia’s whole existence got just one purpose: She would always protect this way too skinny, raven-haired boy with his adorably crooked nose and those beautiful - and yet so sad - obsidian eyes!”

This is a tiny snippet from one of my stories, which I’m only writing in order to cope with my own pain. I guess, I won’t ever be bold enough to share them publicly and my friend @vulnus-sanare has the duty to burn my laptop as soon as I’ll be gone one day (even though she threatened me to share my dirty work with the people in our beloved Snapedom).

But this little snippet fits perfectly with the amazing artwork, which my friend, the extremely gifted @snake-queen7 drew for me.

I’ve always had a soft spot for Severus in his younger years. All I’d wanted was to keep this boy safe from harm, making him feel loved and cared for…because this is exactly, what he deserved!

In my stories, Jules is Sevy’s friend, his lover, his protector, his guardian angel, his saviour, his powerful goddess of revenge. And to be honest, you don’t have to be a psychologist to understand, where this is coming from. Julia’s strength and her determination to make the world a better place for her beloved Severus are rooted in my own feelings of helplessness and despair.

My reality with ME/CFS couldn’t be more different from my stories. I feel trapped. Trapped in my own diseased and disabled body…trapped in my room….trapped in my darkness…trapped in a life, in which I don’t feel appreciated anymore.

I’m feeling more and more like a useless piece of furniture, which someone has hidden in a dark chamber. Still good enough to keep it, even though it’s not in plain sight…or at least not bad enough to waste it eventually.

Where’s my light? Where’s my saviour? Where’s my way out of this hell? I guess, it’s just like Severus has said: “Well, it may have escaped your notice,but life isn’t fair!” (“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”)

I’ve always loved Severus for his resilience, his stubborn determination and strength. Since 21 years, he’s not only my comfort character and the love of my life…he’s my role model, my inspiration to keep on going…to keep on living.

So, I’m clinging to him and to all the things, I’m using in order to cope with my misery: I’m a loving mother of three wonderful children. I have a handful amazing friends with a deep understanding of my grief and despair, but who also appreciate my dry humour and my sarcasm. I’m still capable of pouring out my feelings onto paper, creating something beautiful in my stories. And I’m full of gratitude for the artists of Snapedom, who are helping me to bring my creative ideas to life with their art.

And that’s exactly, what you have done for me with this delightful piece of art, @snake-queen7! Thank you for giving me some comfort and peace for my troubled heart and soul by drawing Sevy and Jules again. You are wonderful and I appreciate not only your outstanding art, but also your kindness and compassion. Thank you for everything! 🥹

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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„In the dark of night, those faces, they haunt me…“

„I wish you were so close to me. Yes, I wish your were by my side…“ („By my side“ by INXS)

I’ve always had a special soft spot for Severus in his teenage years. This way too skinny, raven-haired boy with his adorably crooked nose and those beautiful - and yet so sad - obsidian eyes never failed to trigger some kind of an overprotective goddess of revenge in my heart.

There are nights, in which I‘m drowning in my thoughts about Sevy…writing my stories for him. My OC Jules (totally self-inserted…I admit it!) allows him to show his vulnerabilities in her presence. She’s protecting and defending him….in every aspect of his life.

This man deserves some love, respect and comfort…and that’s, what we all in our beloved Snapedom are granting him.

Some time ago, I’ve read a poem by Amanda Lovelace, which reminded me of the consolation and comfort, I’d wanted to give to Severus. I want to share it with you (please ignore my scribble…that’s exactly the reason, why I’m commissioning art from all the incredibly talented artists of Snapedom 😅):

The artwork on top of this post was a gift from my friend @exlibrisseverus and I love everything about it! The whole mood in your beautiful drawing makes my heart aching for Severus…makes me wanting to fix the whole goddamn world for him.

@exlibrisseverus, you’re a gem of a human soul and I’m beyond grateful that I was allowed to get to know you better. Your resilience and your strength are - just like Severus’s - extremely inspiring to me, my friend and I hope, that you will stay in touch with me! 🖤🥹 Thank you so much for each kind word, for each recommendation and of course for this stunning piece of art!

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 23 days

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“Take my mind and take my pain…”

“Like an empty bottle takes the rain. And heal, heal, heal….” (“Heal” by Tom Odell)

Nighttime is my favourite time of the day. Being surrounded by this natural darkness and silence (not in the way, in which I have to “mute” the world all day long by shutting the blinds and wearing noise cancelling headphones to avoid being overstimulated) makes me feel…safe. Almost content.

In some nights, I’m even strong enough to leave my room, so I can sit outside on my balcony, enjoying a fresh breeze on my face. The world is silent, there’s no car on the streets and all I see, is the Moselle glistening in the moonlight in front of me. Finally feeling human again…

During the phases of my crashes, I can’t even step outside to my balcony. Sometimes I’m desperate enough to crawl outside, when my legs are refusing to do their goddamn job even with the help of my cane! In these moments, I’m glad to be alone…without any witnesses to my humiliation.

Last night was a lost night. I passed out…again. It scares me to hell that these moments are happening more often nowadays. All I know, is that I sat down on my bed…crying from exhaustion and pain. And hours later, when I’m coming back to consciousness, I’m still in the same sitting position. There are proofs in my room, that my children must have been here…proofs like a drawing lying next to me on my bed…a plushie sitting on my coffee table, watching over me. And I know that my kids will tell me, that I didn’t wake up…no matter what they tried to do.

Yesterday a friend of mine wanted to visit me in order to enjoy a cup of tea with me in the darkness of my room. I was so excited to see her…to have someone here for a little while…to feel less lonely for a moment. My body ached so badly and my exhaustion felt like a truck, who was parking on me…so I passed out whilst I was waiting for my friend to come over. When I came back to senses, there were several text messages and several calls from her. She was upset, that I didn’t hear the doorbell, both of my phones and her knocking on the door. So, after a while, she left…and all what’s left for me is a feeling of being a total failure…a pathetic shadow of myself.

There’s still no cure for ME/CFS…and no one knows, if there’d ever be one. All I can do, is trying different things, and yet…nothing helped me. With each new crash I’m falling deeper into the void of darkness and despair. Each new crash takes its toll on me…takes a piece of me away! I’m so afraid of losing myself completely!

When I commissioned my friend @sleepybradipo for this meaningful piece of art, I begged him to make the trust between Severus and Julia - but also their despair - palpable. They’re searching for a way to heal Jules…to cure her body and her soul. Maybe the answer lies in the Dark Arts…who knows? These lovers will try anything possible in order to save her…just like I wished to be saved.

Ivano, when I got the idea for this project, I just knew, that you would be the best artist to make my dream come true. Your tender style makes my heart swell with so much love and gratitude. I adore your work and the dedication to all these marvellous details in this artwork…it’s everything, I hoped to see, when I described my idea to you. Thank you for helping me to soothe my troubled heart and mind with your beautiful art and your kind words. I’m beyond grateful that I met you here, my friend. You’re truly a blessing to me. Thank you for everything. 🥹

Oh, and please take my apologies for this chaotically worded post. My disease seems to rob the next piece of me by stealing my ability to create vivid images with my phrases (I already mentioned that in my last post).

I’m sharing my nocturnal view with you. Feel free to enjoy the Moselle at night.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 25 days

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“As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face…”

“Save your tears, it'll be okay. All I know is you're here with me…” (“Here with me” by D4vd)

Suffering from ME/CFS makes me feel like my whole world is falling apart in front of my eyes. Since I’ve already lost so much joy and so many abilities due to this devastating disease, my continuing loss seems to increase even further.

As some of you might know, do I love to write my own stories about Severus and Julia just as much as I enjoy using my tumblr blog as some kind of journal, whenever I’ve commissioned another artwork. It’s my way of rolling out a red carpet for the artists of Snapedom…it’s my way of honouring them for their talent in their profession. Commissioning those amazing people and letting them make my ideas and fantasies come to life, is my very own manner of coping with my physical and emotional pain.

And now, this coping mechanism seems to crumble into pieces as well as everything else, that I’ve already lost! It hurts me to admit, that my brain fog takes advantage of my capability to create vivid images with my words. My thoughts are getting blurry and chaotic. I’m struggling to find the right words to express my emotions (it’s even worse in my native language German than in English!!)…and this scares me to hell!

My mind was the only place, where I could find some shelter from my infuriating and terrifying reality of losing myself to ME/CFS. What if I forfeit my only - just barely existing- talent now?? How should I flee this nightmare of existence if writing wouldn’t be an option anymore?! How should I express my gratitude towards all those marvellous artists of Snapedom, who are all weaving my emotional comfort blanket with each piece of their art?!?

I don’t want to give up on my writing…and I won’t…even though my pride would probably fade away with each badly written chapter of my fictions…and with each unworthy post on my blog. I must admit, that I’m already acknowledging the loss of quality. 🥺

I found an inspiring poem about the importance of staying resilient, no matter how difficult the hardships of life might become, and I want to share it with you:

"KEEP GOING" (Better known as "DON'T QUIT") by Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and debts are high, And you want to smile but have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You might succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up, When he might captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown,

Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint on clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

My dear @mmad-lover, I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for your dedication to this stunning piece of art and believe me, it was worth every single second of waiting! Paula, I was incredibly touched to hear, that my request seemed to be something special, something personal to you. I can assure you, that, indeed, all of my ideas have a profound meaning to me and I’m glad that you’re such an empathetic person, who sensed that particular importance of your art to me. Your devotion to this drawing is palpable in every single detail, every line of your brushes. You created exactly the mood, that I wished for Severus and Julia. It doesn’t matter that the world is burning to the ground around them, they will always have each other’s backs! Just like I’m relying on Severus for more than 21 years now. Thank you for everything, you precious soul! I’m glad that I met you and I hope, we’ll stay in touch. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“I will love you unconditionally…”

“Come just as you are to me, don't need apologies. Know that you are worthy!” (“Unconditionally” by Katy Perry)

Feathers. Feathers everywhere. The teenagers were panting heavily from their previous childish pillow-fight, staring at each other with red, sweaty faces. But something about the whole mood seemed to change…shifting into something else…something unfamiliar. The sudden tension between Severus and Julia became palpable, wavering in thick air. His voice cut the awkward silence between them. “What is this all about, Jules?” Brushing the cheeky strand of hair - which seemed to have a life on its own…always falling over his left eye - out of his face, Severus glanced at her, narrowing his eyes. He didn’t know, what to think about her latest antics. Would she be the next person, who would abandon him? He knew it…he shouldn’t have gotten too attached to her….he shouldn’t have allowed her to break through his walls. “You’re pathetic, Severus!”, he scolded himself internally, coursing his heart for this feeling of hope, that he had given permission to grow in his chest. “You should have known better than that.”

“Sevy, I…”, her voice broke mid sentence, when she recognised the familiar expressions of annoyance and disappointment in his face. No…this was not supposed to happen! This was the moment, when Julia knew, that she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She couldn’t lose him! Her friend! Her companion through thick and thin! Taking a deep breath, Julia took his hand in hers and revealed her deepest feelings for him. It was now or never!

“Sevy, from the very first moment, when I've seen you in the Great Hall...this way too skinny, raven haired boy with his adorably crooked nose and those beautiful - and yet so sad - obsidian eyes...l've been fallen head over heels for you!”, she blurted out…feeling her heart beating up to her throat. There was no way back for her now, that was for sure.

“Jules…what…”, but before Severus could react to her blunt confession, Julia stopped him from talking, shaking her head vigorously. “Listen to me, Sevy! Let me explain this to you. It’s…it’s your soul!”, she stuttered nervously, stumbling over her own words.

“Your soul has always seemed to be surrounded by some kind of magnetic field, Sevy. And my poor soul is constantly lingering on it…desperately trying to get attached to yours.” Julia’s cheeks went scarlet, but it was too late…she couldn’t stop herself from confessing her feelings to her best friend anymore.

“I’m like a goddamn moth…”, she uttered nervously, “and you…you’re the light! I…I can’t help myself…you…you’re all, I can think about!”

„I am…the light?“ Severus was speechless. Never would he have considered himself as a light…and especially not as a light to someone! But he couldn’t say anything further to his best friend‘s confession…not since Julia just didn’t stop talking!

„I don't expect anything from you, Severus. My love for you is…unconditionally…and…undeniably.“, she continued with her flow of words. This wasnt new to Severus, he knew Julia’s habit of losing herself in an endless stream of rhapsody over the most random things. But he had never expected to become the subject of her rambling speech…and she still didn’t come to an end!

„I will find you inside your own darkness, Severus...no matter, where you are…no matter, where you’re hiding yourself from the world! I want to be the light, that leads you home. I will break through the cage, you've built around yourself. And I won't ever let you go!“, declared Julia boldly before she interrupted herself, holding her breath. Suddenly, there was only one thought left in her mind: “Oh no…what have I done?!”

This was a little snippet from one of my more innocent stories, which I’m writing in my sleepless nights in order to cope with my own situation…and gosh, I’m so fucking nervous to share this with you all for the very first time.

Even though I’m someone, who always seemed to be quite self-confident towards others, I’m only a very insecure and overly sensitive person on the inside. My whole life, there was always one thought in the back of my head: What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m nothing but a failure?

And since I’m struggling with this cruel disease ME/CFS, which completely cuts me off from the life, I’ve used to known…my insecurities and vulnerabilities are growing even deeper. So, this is a sign of trust, you wonderful people of Snapedom! I’m trusting you with a tiny piece of my heart…a tiny piece of my true self.

My friend, the wonderfully talented artist @snake-queen7, drew this beautiful artwork of Sevy and Jules in the middle of their pillow-fight….and you did a fantastic job, my dear! Thank you for letting my fantasies come to life…for allowing me to feel alive again through your excellent art!

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“You say I am beautiful. I don’t need the world’s approval…”

"Only you madly pursue me and jealously tell me I'm worthy of furious love..." ("Furious Love" by Veridia)

Something, that I'm really missing in my life with my disease and disability, is to feel sensual and desired again. I'm a sucker for the incredibly erotic art of @turpinsimp-blog , so l commissioned her with only one wish: "Please...help me with your art to make me find my inner goddess again!" And, oh Fleur, you overwhelmed me...not only with the outcome of these beautiful drawings, but also with your lovely soul! Our conversations made me giggle, cry and sigh in pure happiness. Your kind words enlightened my heart and the way, you made my wish come true, is just stunning!

I'm far beyond grateful for everything, you've done for me, Fleur! Through your artwork I feel my inner curvy goddess again...spending hours of pleasure with the love of my life since 21 years.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

And for those, who want to see this curvy goddess and her soulmate in action (in a cropped version of course), you'll find them down below.

Oh….and shhhh…. *dragging you closer to whisper in your ears* You’ll find the uncensored versions of these stunning pictures on Fleur’s Twitter account (you have to be logged in to X). You’re welcome! 🔥❤️‍🔥🔞

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“I'll stand by you…”

“Take me in, into your darkest hour and I’ll never desert you…” (“I’ll stand by you” by The Pretenders)

People, who know my blog, might have noticed, that I’m using this platform as some kind of personal journal. It’s my way of drawing my emotions with words…always building a bridge to my connection with Severus Snape. My blog is also my way of rolling out the red carpet for all the talented artists of our beloved Snapedom, who are helping me so much to soothe my troubled heart and soul.

But since this latest crash of my disease ME/CFS keeps me captured in literal gloominess, it’s getting harder for me to endure the screen of my phone. My ability of forming my thoughts into coherent sentences is slowly fading away in this current state of mind. My every day exhaustion gets coated in despair…my darkness is getting even darker.

And sometimes there are people, who bring a light into this blackness….just like you did, @mmad-lover, when you sent me this sweet surprise. I couldn’t believe my eyes, when I discovered your message with this beautiful drawing. I wished, I could write a longer text to express my gratitude for your lovely gesture, but I hope, that these few words of mine will also show you the amount of happiness, you’ve brought to me. Thank you so much, my dear!

You’re a true gem of a soul, Paula and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for your sister’s surgery.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 5 months

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Severus and Julia Snape 🖤 Partners in crime! Forever united!

He’ll always be the love of my life! Severus’ resilience, his bravery and his wonderful stubbornness are inspiring me since more than 21 years. He’s the light to my darkness…the only one in my life, who has always been there for me, when I’m struggling with myself (especially now…fuck ME/CFS!!).

Thanks to all those incredibly talented artists for making my ideas of my Sevy come to life: @sleepybradipo, @alinearthp, @opalchalice, @snake-queen7, @capysnapeart, @madfantasy, @dranna, @tageerdo, @wookiecookiesfactory, @turpinsimp-blog, @juanasunfall-blog, @aoshimasss, @mmad-lover, @hannisimp and my best friend Miri (not on tumblr)!

🖤 Severus & Julia 🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“I have nothing left. And all I feel is this cruel wanting…”

“And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here, I'm just as scared as you.” (“Lost in paradise” by Evanescence)

I have to put a trigger warning (suicidal thoughts and swear words) on this post and I’m doing this before I’ve even written my text. I’m sorry. I only need to scream my pain out.

1, 5 years. 535 days. 12840 hours. 770400 minutes. 46 224 000 seconds. Approximately.

1,5 years ago, my life became my personal hell. I feel captured in my own useless body…captured in my goddamn dark room, captured in my fucking overstimulated mind. And who’s my sadistic prison guard? It’s this cruel bitch of a disease ME/CFS!

Wasn’t it enough yet?! Am I such a horrible human being, that I really deserved even more shit in my life?! There have been so many ordeals in my life…so many rough times, disabilities and diseases…so much anxiety and stress to deal with!!! What have I done wrong to deserve all of these dreadful things?! Seriously, what have I done?!?

I must be some kind of a magnet for disasters…I can’t explain it in any other way to myself. Maybe, I’ve just yelled “here!” for all these experiences…maybe I’ve volunteered accidentally?!? Watching your parents fighting night after night until you have to intervene again and again? Here! Being sexually abused at the age of 12 years? Here! Being raped at the age of 15 years? Here! Multiple surgeries and endless pain? Here! Domestic violence? Here! Multiple Miscarriages? Here! Months of pregnancy staying in bed at the hospital? Here! Fighting for the lives of your extremely premature born children without a partner on your side, even though they were the result of ICSI treatment? Here! Colitis Ulcerosa? Here! OCD? Here! Disability? Here! Several other severe illnesses? Here! Getting ME/CFS and being doomed to a life in darkness and silence? Here! Here, here, here!!!!!!!!! Fuck me sideways!

Is it me? Am I the problem?! What have I done wrong! Tell me, God, what shall I do to end this madness…to finish this suffering?! I’m already broken!

And yes, I know, I have three wonderful children….and I’m forbidding myself to leave them behind…to leave them alone. They need their mother. I know that all. But seeing the sadness in their little faces every day…noticing the disappointment in their voices every fucking day…it’s breaking me.

I’ve tried to have dinner together with my children tonight. Therefore, I wore my noise canceling headphones, my sunglasses and I told them to be as quiet as possible. And still….still….fuck! Their movements, their voices, when they spoke all at once…the light in our dining room…everything was too much for me!! I got disoriented…overwhelmed by this overstimulation. All I could do, was to close my eyes and to wait until dinner was over. I couldn’t eat or drink, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t interact with my children the way, they deserved to be treated by their mother! So…what kind of mother am I now? I’m just a shadow of the mother…of the person, I’ve been, before ME/CFS started to destroy me. I’m only a pathetic failure. My children deserve more than that!

I’m hopeless…and all I want is to let myself fall…just like Julia lets herself fall into the tempting abyss in this heart wrenching drawing, which I’ve commissioned from my dear friend @madfantasy. I’ve told Mani to make Severus come and save her. He’s there…holding her back…grabbing her in the very last moment, screaming “Stay with me, Jules!”. Severus is her last anchor. Severus is my anchor. I won’t let myself fall with him by my side.

Mani, my precious friend, I can’t tell you how grateful I am, that you were brave enough to give my cruel fantasy a face. I know, that my dark thoughts can be overwhelming, especially for someone, who’s also struggling with their own mental health. I’m apologizing for the way, I’m pouring out my grief and despair over your marvelous artwork. But you’re the only artist, who’s capable of getting a grasp on my emotions and transforming them into something so powerful, so delightful like your art. Thank you for everything, my dear. 🫂🫂 (Fly fly)

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 8 days

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“I think, I know just what you’re longing for…”

“I may be undone, but nothing seems to undo you…” (“My Thieving Heart” by Sivert Høyem feat. Marie Munroe)

Wow…I’m crawling back to the surface of tumblr, coming from hell. My last crash has been one of the worst so far…I couldn’t stand up, I couldn’t get myself something to drink, I couldn’t eat, I wasn’t even capable of thinking in a proper way. Since I couldn’t even type anymore, I had to ask my sweet friend @vulnus-sanare to help me out by sending messages to some of my friends. I didn’t mean to make anyone feel worried about me, so please forgive me for my long silence.

This beautiful artwork, which I’ve requested from my lovely friend @opalchalice, is based on a dream, which I’ve had some weeks ago. Lia, I’m sorry for the delay, but I wanted to transform my dream into a short one-shot fiction to honour your fabulous work the way, it deserves to be seen. You know, that I’m a fan of your art, my dear….but this one…damn, Lia! You overwhelmed me with this stunning piece of art! Thank you so much for your understanding of my ideas. I’m beyond grateful for our verbal exchanges and I’m proud to call you my friend. You’re so talented and kind, Lia. Please…never change!

Now…back to my dream. Since I’m struggling immensely with brain fog, due to my disease ME/CFS, I noticed that my ability to write seems to fade away. This isn’t my best work and I’m very aware of this fact…so please keep in mind, that I’ve written this under the torture of my sickness and be gentle with me.

TW: smut and a slight mention of lactation kink…well…I leave it like that. 😅

🔞 🚫mdni 🔥💦 (1012 words)

More to love

It was midnight. From afar Julia could hear the faint tintinnabulation of the church tower bells…ringing once…and her bare feet touched the cold grass beneath herself. Twice…and she felt a cold breeze caressing her blushing cheeks. Tilting her head back, Julia closed her eyes and listened to the remaining ten strikes of the clock tower. Her nightdress was billowing in the wind, sending shivers down her spine.

Suddenly Julia sensed some arms coming from behind, tightly wrapped around her waist, when she was pulled back against a tall presence. A surprised gasp left her lips, but the familiar personal scent of her husband soothed her nerves immediately. “What are you doing here alone in the middle of the night, Jules?” Even after so many years, the deep voice of Julia’s husband caused a certain weakness to her knees. Severus‘ hot breath tickled the soft spot behind her ear, leaving goosebumps all over her alabaster skin. „You‘ll catch a cold, darling,” he murmured lovingly, burying his face in Julia’s wild curls. “Mmmh…so divine…,” she heard him whispering hoarsely, his voice was dripping with desire.

Severus’ hands roamed over her tummy, clenching the satiny fabrics of her nightdress in his lustful grasp. “Severus…,” she breathed, pressing her back against his chest. “…this isn’t the right pl…,” but one of his hands silenced her resolutely, whilst his other hand passed the plunging neckline of her nightdress, massaging her voluptuous bosom with a firm grip. “Shhh…stand still and be quiet, Jules,” Severus urged her, playfully pinching her erected nipples, causing a muffled whimper from his wife.

Suddenly, Julia felt two more hands grazing over her bare legs and her eyes widened in disbelief when she perceived another man kneeling beside her, shoving her nightgown up to her waist. But this wasn’t just any man, who touched her so intimately! The silky raven hair…the adorably crooked nose…and oh, those mesmerising obsidian eyes! She didn’t understand how this was even possible, but the man on his knees was no one other than a second version of her very own husband…observing her reactions with a seductive smile on his lips.

Julia couldn’t suppress a guttural moan escaping her lips…smothered by Severus’ hand on her mouth, when bold fingertips brushed against the edge of her panties…pulling them aside in a swift move. Another groan found its way up her throat as soon as a finger dipped into her moist depths. “Gods, you’re already so wet for us, Julia,” the deep voice of her husband cut the silence of the night, a subtle hint of mockery seemed to be layered underneath the lecherous tone of his words.

“Be a good girl and spread your legs for us, Jules,” Severus murmured close to her ear, still holding her in place from behind her back. His hand released her mouth…only to be replaced by his arm, tightly wrapped around her neck. The tickling sensation of Severus’ breath on her delicate skin sent goosebumps all over her body, which didn’t stay unnoticed by him. His amused chuckle echoed through the air, only to be followed by a strict demand: “Wider, Julia! We know, you could never get enough of us…”

Severus’ commanding tone and the mysterious situation left her speechless and aroused. The wetness between her thighs glistened in the moonlight, causing a never known neediness to creep up inside herself.

“Damn…you’re dripping already,” Severus teased her from his kneeling position, before his thumb started to draw circles on her throbbing clit, causing her to moan in delight. “Just give in and enjoy the magic, Jules…,” his dark voice growled and Julia couldn’t make out, who of them said that. The confusion mixed with her growing excitement made her feel slightly light-headed. Two fingers entered her moist entrance, adding a new layer of greediness to her already tense body. While her husband held her in place, his magical likeness drove the redhead crazy with the gentle and yet determined play of his digits….fingering her deliberately slowly…teasing her clit with his thumb until she begged for more. “Oh, gosh….yes! Please, Severus….fuck me! I’m begging you,” Julia whimpered desperately, almost crying from this lustful torture.

Suddenly a third Severus joined the scene. Julia noticed how good he looked with his man bun, a cheeky strand of hair falling over his eye, just like she had seen it countless times before, when her husband was focused on brewing his potions. His voice sounded so mockingly when he approached her, pinching her hardened nipples through the silky fabrics of her nightgown. “Well, well…what do we have here?,” he groaned huskily before he licked over the delicate skin on Julia’s neck. “Damn, you’re truly insatiable, Jules…but so am I!” Ripping off her dress, Severus revealed Julia’s soft, full breasts and bit his bottom lip in anticipation. “Fuck, Jules…you know, what I want…,” he murmured under his breath before his mouth found its destination…embracing her stiffened nipple with hungry eager. “Let me be your good boy, Jules…,” Severus mumbled before he started to suckle greedily until a small trace of milk drooled from the corner of his mouth…causing her legs to tremble.

“Aah! Severus…yes…do with me whatever you want…,” she whimpered needily, closing her eyes in pleasure.

“Oh no, Jules…open your eyes, my darling,” her husband growled from behind her back. “You will watch us, sweetheart…we want you to see everything, what we’re doing with you…and you will enjoy the view until you’re coming undone.” Julia couldn’t do anything else than nodding obediently, when Severus held her in place for his companions…pressing his hard cock against her back….

Suddenly Julia woke up from her naughty dream, with a loud gasp escaping from her mouth. Blinking rapidly, she looked at her familiar surroundings, feeling the soft surface of the bedsheets beneath her bare skin. Her gaze fell on her peacefully sleeping husband on the other side of the bed. Tenderly Julia bent over to place a little kiss on Severus’ adorably crooked nose…before she slipped underneath the covers to worship him the way, he deserved to be treated…..

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“And if he felt he had to direct you, then direct you into my arms…”

“And I believe in Love. And I know that you do too. And I believe in some kind of path. That we can walk down, me and you.” (“Into my arms” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)

This post was written in a sleep deprived and depressed state of mind. So, I guess, I have to put a trigger warning on the following 8 paragraphs (abuse, child loss, disability, disease, general feelings of hopelessness) I’m sorry… I really am. You know what? Just enjoy this amazing artwork and skip my whiny text…I only needed this to remind myself of breathing.

Ever since I fell head over heels for Severus Snape 21 years ago, I used my fantasies about him as my safety net, when my reality became too rough…too traumatic. He accompanied me through half of my life…helping me through so many horrible times, no matter how devastating they were.

Experiences of emotional and physical abuse? Severus was there to keep my mind safe (and he still is, when my brain gets triggered again).

Miscarriages…so many miscarriages…Severus was there, helping me to cope with my grief.

Pregnancies full of sorrows and anxiety…being ordered to complete bed rest in hospital for months…Severus was in my thoughts all day…keeping me focused on my purpose, to get my children through these pregnancies safely.

Dealing with extremely prematurely born twins on my own as a single mother…well, Severus inspired me to believe in my own strength….protecting my children at all costs.

Times with severe health issues and disabilities, too many surgeries, pain and fears…well, you might guess it: It was Severus, who made me believe in my resilience.

And now, that I’m struggling with this cruel monster ME/CFS, having lost the life, I knew before…Severus is still here with me. I’m clinging on him, I’m dreaming of him, I’m writing for him….because if I wouldn’t do that, I would just break down and drown in my despair. And, gosh, I know how pathetic that sounds…believe me, I do! But it’s him, who keeps me going…who keeps me safe from losing my goddamn mind!

I’m absorbing this fucking (literal) darkness around me…and it is starting to eat me alive. I can’t leave my house, I can’t leave my dark room, most of the times I can’t even leave my bed…and the worst thing is, that I can’t leave my weak, diseased body and my fucked up mind. And yes…when my mind is getting too dark, too exhausted, I need Severus to remind me, that I mustn’t leave my life…that I mustn’t leave my three beloved children!

So…I’ll do, what I’ve always done in these past 21 years. I’m dreaming myself away…right into his arms. Severus was, is and will always be my safe haven, my shelter.

I’ve commissioned the lovely @hannisimp for exactly this little piece of comfort…this small moment of peace for my troubled heart and soul. My dear, please take my apologies for writing such a pathetically weak post beneath your beautiful drawing of Severus and Julia. But rest assured, Lin, your artwork brought a little light to my darkness and a smile to my face. Thank you so much for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 27 days

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“I'll follow you down to where forever lies…”

“Without a doubt, I'm on your side. There's nowhere else that I would rather be…” (“I’ll follow you” by Shinedown)

Living with a disease like ME/CFS often means a life in solitude. In my case, even a life in darkness. It’s hard enough to deal with the loneliness, that comes with being unable to cope with noises, movements and lights.

But then, there are the holidays…the celebrations…the times, when families come together. Knowing that I can’t participate in anything of this - whether it’s Christmas, the birthdays of my children or something simple like the Easter holidays - is a terrible feeling. I just can’t be with my family!! And yes…it hurts me to know, that my kids have to spend these special occasions without their mother.

My loneliness weighs more on these days…it’s suffocating me! I’m catching myself in getting pathetically whiny (this post only proves my point 🙄), drowning in self-pity and despair…only fuelling my self-loathing.

But this doesn’t make sense…it won’t make things better or easier to endure. So, I’m trying to dream myself away…fantasising and writing about another little adventure of Severus and his wife Jules.

I’ve always been a sucker for a fresh sea breeze, so of course, this couple of my dreams lives in a tiny cottage at the seashore. They’re the owners of their own apothecary ("The Potioners' Apothecary...owned by Severus and Julia Snape”) and they’re living their best lives in peace and harmony, enjoying each others company.

Usually, Sevy and Jules prefer the colder temperatures and a more rigorous weather, but today, they’re going for a little walk at the beach on a very sunny afternoon. The overdramatic and exquisitely sarcastic couple is backbiting about the heat and the burning sun, although they’re refusing to change into something shorter or lighter than their regular clothes. Well, Severus and Julia remain true to their style! 😅

When I considered about the perfect artist for this project, I immediately thought of @dranna! Their unique style highlights the dramatic beauty of my favourite couple so perfectly.

Dranna, my dear friend, as always I am extremely grateful for your talent and your dedication to your profession. I’m a big fan of your art and I love your way of making my fantasy come alive in your drawings. You are such a kind person and I enjoy our conversations immensely! Thank you for everything, sweetheart! 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

#Severus x Julia #Sevy x Jules #severus x oc #fuck me/cfs #commissioning artwork is my goddamn coping mechanism #this is my red carpet for all the artists of snape fandom #writing is my coping mechanism #mecfs #severus snape #i love snape #snape #i love severus #snape love #snape content #snart #severus fanart #severus snape fan art #severus snape art #snape art

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mrs-snape5984 · 1 month

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“Free me from this pain, I’ve been running from…”

“I'm tired and I'm free falling. Free me! I'm lost and I am calling you…” (“Free me” by Sia)

I’ve experienced some very rough hardships in my almost 40 years lasting existence in this world…but I’ve never given up on myself. I knew, that I’d have to fight my way back out of these horrible miseries, and I kept my faith to find the path to better times…to find the path, which will lead me upwards again.

I admit, these hardships left their marks, their scars on me. They formed my heart and my mindset…they made me the person, that I am today. I learned my lessons…and I kept going.

Since I’m living struggling with this goddamn bitch of a disease, called ME/CFS, my life has only one direction: It’s going downhill…and it’s getting faster! In these past 1,5 years, I’ve lost more and more of all the things, which made my life worth living for. I lost my ability to do my job as a pedagogue and social worker. I lost my freedom, since I’m stuck in my dark room day and night. I lost a lot of social contacts, since screen time is messing with my brain and each phone call costs me too much energy. I lost my capability to be an active mother for my three children…and this is the part, that hurts the most. Damn, I lost so much more…and I feel my heart shattering in pieces every fucking day!

Everything in my life is slowly falling apart and I’m losing my grip on reality…and on myself! The newest pain in the ass is probably my habit of passing out every few days. My whole system shuts down in the middle of a simple talk or something else and I’m falling into unconsciousness! I can’t remember the things, I’ve done before…I’m just blacked out for several hours. At first, my kids were afraid in these moments…especially when they couldn’t wake me up from this state! But now, they simply accept that “quirk” of mine as their new reality…and my motherly heart is aching for them. This shouldn’t be their reality! They shouldn’t have to live with a mother, who’s always in the dark…who’s always lying in bed! They’re children!! They shouldn’t have to whisper in my presence. I should be the person, they can rely on unconditionally!! Fuck…my heart is bleeding…and I’m sorry for my pathetic venting.

I need a way out of this hell…but since there isn’t any possibility for me right now, I’ll keep on clinging on Severus. My fantasies of him and my way of coping with my misery by writing stories about him and my - oh so self-inserted - OC Julia/Jules are the only thing, that keeps me mentally stable functioning. Well…at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I mean, I know how depressed my posts might seem.

My favourite artist for my darkest ideas is my friend @madfantasy. I told Mani about my wish to be freed from my darkness…to be cured from my disease. I need a saviour…a true hero…I need Severus! Since there aren’t any promising medical treatments, I’ll need a magical miracle to get rescued. And this is exactly, what Severus is trying for me. He conjures the demons inside my soul and forces them to leave my body. Severus is the only person, who’s brave enough to face the darkness within me. He’s my knight…and the love of my life. 21 years of my life, it was Severus, who kept me going…who inspired me with his resilience and his courage! A lot of those previous hardships could be endured by me, because I had something, I believed in. I had something, that gave me confidence and strength. I had Severus. So, please…don’t let me lose my hope and my faith in his support. And don’t let me lose my faith in myself.

Mani, my precious friend, I’m stunned by your ability to understand my ideas. Every time, I’m commissioning you for another project, your art helps me to soothe my troubled heart. It is as if you’re drawing my feelings!! I can sense my own emotions in every single line of your drawing. You don’t know, how grateful I am that I was allowed to meet you here. I love our conversations and our understanding for each other. Feel hugged, Mani! I’m sending you so much love! 🫂🫂 (fly fly) 🥹🖤 Thank you for everything.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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mrs-snape5984 · 1 month

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“You’re the meaning in my life, you’re the inspiration…”

“You should know, everywhere I go: Always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul…” (“You‘re the inspiration” by Chicago)

Dealing with ME/CFS - at least in my case - means being dependent on somebody’s help in so many different parts of my life. Since I’m a person, who’s extremely bad at asking for assistance, I’m struggling a lot with this new reality.

Over the past 1,5 years there were more and more things, which I’m not capable of doing them on my own anymore. I need professional people and friends, who help me with my household…who drive me to medical appointments…who take care of my children…and even someone, who helps me to wash my hair, when I’m too weak to take care of them on my own. And believe me…sitting on a medical chair in the shower, having my hair washed by my mother, whilst enduring her comments on my body, is a feeling, that I truly detest.

After one of these occasions, I asked my friend @opalchalice for a picture , which I can manifest in my mind. So, now it’s Severus, who’s doing Julia’s hair…without harming her dignity. 🥹

Lia, as always I’m very happy with your work and I love everything about this beautiful drawing. It’s always fun to share my ideas with you, my dear. I’m a fan of your art (I mean…look at these luscious colours and your dedication to make the hair so vibrant!!) and I’ll always support you in any way possible. Thank you for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

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