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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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„And there's a black mark where your heart should've been….“

„I could've laid down and died, but my head was spinning round. It was spinning round. I wanna know what it's like, so I can feel it inside…“ („The Blue, The Green“ by Lonely The Brave)

Trigger warning: I’ve written this post in a moment of frustration and grief. If anyone has a problem with reading the sad thoughts of a depressed, middle-aged woman with the tendency to curse and swear too much, please feel free to skip the following five paragraphs.

It’s one of those especially hard days today. I had to leave my dark room to be taken to a medical appointment. Leaving my dark room means crashing hard again…with prior announcement!

So, leaving the house goes hand in hand with a sudden feeling of disorientation. Noises, movements, lights…those are all things, which my brain can’t comprehend anymore since I’m struggling with ME/CFS. When I’m overstimulated like that, I’m losing my grip on reality. Everything gets blurry and I feel as if I don’t know, who I am anymore.

It’s hard to describe, but I need to be guided into the right direction in these situations: Walking very slowly with my cane…having a break after every few steps…being held on my other arm…always wearing my dark sunglasses and my noise canceling earplugs…all these aspects together are making me feel so helpless…

I have to take my mother with me to the doctor’s office, because I wouldn’t understand a single word otherwise. And when I’m home again, back in my dark room…lying in my bed, the big crash starts to hit me right into my face! I’m getting feverish…my whole skin hurts as if it would be pulled off my body…my lymph nodes are swollen…my limbs are hurting and I can’t make a single step anymore. My head seems to explode from aching and I’m losing my ability to communicate properly. Every fucking time!

After some hours (sometimes even up to 24 hours) of sleep, I’m regaining consciousness again…still not capable of leaving my bed. And this is the worst moment…the moment, when my brain starts thinking about the humiliating feeling of being so helpless in my age. The moment, when I’m realising, that there are still so many years left to live….probably the same way as I was living for the past 1,5 years. The moment, when I’m grieving for the life, I’ve lost. The moment, when I’m hating myself for being too sick to be the active mother, friend, employee, I’ve been before this goddamn disease ME/CFS destroyed everything!

And this is the moment, when Severus has to take over. This might sound strange, but drowning in my fantasies about him is the only way to prevent my mind from going insane. Every time, when my own reality becomes unbearable to me, I’m imagining myself to be hidden beneath his robes…searching for shelter in his arms. Severus has been my safe haven for the past 21 years…and right now I’m clinging to him as tight as I can…in order to stay alive.

The wonderfully talented @alinearthp has transformed my fantasy into this beautiful artwork and I’m more than happy with the outcome of it. Aline, my friend, I love your art and the way, we’re sharing our thoughts with each other. You are a precious person, my dear, and I’m grateful to know you. Thank you so much for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

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ruporas · 1 year

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hello there, angel

[ID: Digital illustration in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. Vash is sitting facing the viewer and holds a rose between his clasped together hands, but he’s looking to the left, upwards, at Wolfwood, with an awed expression. Wolfwood hovers over him with wings sprouting from his back. He has a cigarette lit between his lips, his arms and legs are crossed, and he looks back at Vash with a neutral expression. The both of them are covered in a blue shadow, casted by Wolfwood and his hovering form, while warm light hits the back of his wings and over Vash’s legs. Small feathers sits next to Vash. End ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #this is not meant to mean anything btw i just wanted to draw wolfwood as an angle #i love angel and follower depiction but i also think wolfwood is just the most angelic human being ever #he was sent to guide him... he protects him... he Saved him #i mean they both just think of each other as the most good they've seen in the world in a really long time #and in turn makes themselves coil and feel a little more disgusted with themselves. but they're also so Good to each other that they can #start to believe that they can be that good too.#they love each other so much and theyve never loved anyone else like this before so i can just imagine the heights their love can reach #endless pouring of affection in a way they can only keep to their own chest in fear they'd never be able to let go otherwise #that is to say i just feel like they'd worship each other and it's probably excessive but i feel like they both really deserve it #i did not even mean to go on that tangent but back on topic -- i just love angel wolfwood depiction in a way that's Normal......#need more of vash saying cheesy shit like youre my light wolfwood!!!! and wolfwood beating the shit out of him like WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!!!#which is why i have a tablet in the first place. my mission in the world...#ruporas art

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tsin-datura · 2 months

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shard canceled send tweet

Guyfailure gets put down by the power of love

Sorry if the picture is blurry ✌️

#Guy reveal btw #Say hi to heart #If you see him in diff outfits that just means he has a big wardrobe and not. That I'm too lazy to remember his outfits 😁😁🙏#my art #my artwork #sky children of the light #sky cotl #skyblr #thatskygame #artists on tumblr #digital art #shattering guide #season of shattering #sky cotl heart #sky cotl days of love #sky cotl sexyman saga #object head #object heads

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 2 months

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I'm not the biggest fan of Oda, as many here already know. That comes from the INCREDIBLE disconnect between the fandom version of him as opposed to the canon. I see often on Twitter, Reddit, Youtube, etc etc. this treatment of Oda as some great force of pure good, and furthermore this scene as a grand bit of final wisdom. So right now, let's talk about his death scene.

The anime puts it like this:

"You told me you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. [...] You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side that saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. [...] Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same to you, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a bit better."

And the light novel puts it like this:

"You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live… [...] You won't find it. [...] You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity. [...] Be on the side that saves people. [...] If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but… saving others is something just a bit more wonderful."

I want to break down what bothers me in these. This portion especially.

You told me you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. [...] You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side that saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live… [...] You won't find it. [...] You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

I think we often forget that Dazai is still a suicidal teen in Dark Era, and that he's one that's held on to the hope he'd find something for all this time. I dont disagree with the fact he must know he won't find anything in the mafia already. But Oda misunderstands a lot of fundamental parts of Dazai, which lead to this scene being devastating.

Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side that saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear.

Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen.

The thing is, Dazai DOES find things he doesn't expect. He meets Chuuya and Chuuya surprises him! He meets Oda and Ango and they fascinate him!! He meets Kunikida and Ranpo and everyone else and he finds them interesting!!! He gets proven wrong, he gets surprised, he has NEVER been infallible. And he's incredibly hopeful too, as stated earlier. He held on to the hope he'd find something for the past 3 years despite how horrible of an environment the mafia was for him, and he still tried his hardest to save Oda. To tell him that not only would he never find anything here, but anywhere else he goes? It's kind of.... well, shitty.

And there's another thing about this line I have to point out, something from a couple pages earlier.

"But he's different. He's sharp-witted with a mind like a steel trap. And he's just a child—a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we're seeing."

"He was too smart for his own good. That was why he was always alone. The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood."

Oda believes that it's Dazai's intelligence that isolates him. While this is true, it's only true to an extent. Look at Ranpo, who was also isolated because of his intelligence. He doesn't stay that way, despite not having any peers. Ranpo found his place with Fukuzawa at the agency, and there was nothing stopping Dazai from also finding his own.

Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

And I don't know how to explain this to people, but telling an emotionally distressed teenager that he's going to be lonely forever is, erm, kind of bad? Especially when the person he thinks understands him the most is like... dying in his arms.

Oda tried to help Dazai in his final moments, I'm not trying to discredit that. He gave Dazai his advice and Dazai chose to take it, because he knew Oda was speaking from his own experiences. But Oda's words were still harmful to him, regardless of how well meaning they were.

#bsdrewatch2023 #my one bsd analysis long post wahoo #sorry for the haterism im fed up with can do no wrong angel fandom odasaku #give me flawed oda!!!#dont get me wrong guys i love this scene but i love it a) BECAUSE IT *IS* DEVASTATING #and b) because dazai choosing a better life for himself is really beautiful to me #but the entire oda was a shining light in the mafia and he guided dazai with his goodness in these final moments narrative IRKS ME #SO MUCH #so here we go :)#caps cw #longer post #long post

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moo-blogging · 11 months

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Late night short thought #121:

You are a huge bookworm and you have a private collection of random books in all genres in the house. Levi had built you 2 bookshelves in different designs because you couldn't decide on one. He even allowed you to pick a few carpets for the reading corner he made for you. And, of course, Levi showers you with love by buying you books.

Levi would write love notes for you on the first page of each book he bought for you. He would ensure yours and his name were on the book. And your favourite love letter from him is:

"Even after we die, someone who got your books in the future will know that you were deeply loved by me. And our love will continue for eternity until the last book disappeared. ~Levi A. to Y/N A."

#he would write “to see the way your face lights up when you see me is to see the love we reflect in each other's eyes”#“your eyes hold my universe i didnt know existed”#“your palms are the map that guide me home”#ahhh i can go on and on #levi ackerman #midnight thoughts #levi x reader #levi fluff #levi x y/n #levi heichou #levi ackerman x you #levi imagine

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tomfrogisblue · 6 months

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QSMP UPDATE! :)

Q!Pac is alone again! :)

#oh for fucks sake hes fucking lost everyone again jesus christ what the fuck is up with this guys luck #walter bob has been gone for months. richas is still fucking missing. he only just got mike back.#last time he saw Fit he had just watched him be kebabed by his teammates #AND NOW Mike and Fit are gone. Terminated. whatever the fuck that means #like he still has tubbo but what the fuck man #the only other brazilian is fucking cellbit who hes terrified of!! (and really fucking should be afraid of now Roier's gone)#like can my man catch a little tiny break please #ok felps is technically here and maybe Santo Felpinho is the guiding light we need #but like bruh #let pac just have his family back ALL AT THE SAME TIME FOR ONCE #qsmp #qsmp lore #qsmp pactw #pactw #qsmp purgatory #i have rambled becuase it is the middle of the night and again i am awake and sad over little block men

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mayclair · 2 years

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lucas saying that max is his north star and his guiding light and that her sincerity was what drew him to her in the first place when you know that max thinks the same of him

#st #lumax #NO LISTEN SHE DESRCIBED RUNNING TO HER HAPPY MEMPRY AS RUNNIGNT O THE LIGHT . HES HER HAPPY MEMPRY SHES RUNNING TO HIM HE GUIDES HER OUT TH #E SAME WAY HE SAYS SHE GUIDES HIM IVE COMMECTED THE DOTS #anyway they are sooooo fucked up oh my GOD . so sick

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betty-bourgeoisie · 4 months

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I think Emil actually could fix Alfred if it weren't for the fact that Al is also dating Ivan

#RusAmeIce #AmeIce #RusAme #hws america #hws russia #hws iceland #it's like #I think Emil genuinely inspires Alfred to be a better person #and IF they were monogamous Al would just be the kind of guy who's like #'My husband is my moral compass and guiding light I'm so lucky to have him 🥰'#but every time Alfred goes on a date with Ivan it basically undoes any progress he might have made towards being a better person #not because Ivan is inherently bad #just because their praticualr dynamic is so very toxic #and anyway I think that's why Alfred is the way he is

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cyanide-latte · 30 days

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Perhaps one day I'll finish that second part of my TWST OCs nicknames post but since that day is not today...

I offer you all the thought I've got in my brain rn which is that Kalim's name of affection for Copper is "my treasure", where Copper's term of endearment for Kalim (especially if nobody else is around to hear it) is "my North Star."

#my little pirate boy letting his boyfriend know that HE'S the light guiding him home #that's it. that's the post.#TWST OCs #Copper Benoit #my OC #TWST #Twisted Wonderland #oc x canon #Kalim al-Asim #personal headcanon #Cyanide speaks

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skeleton--orchestra · 4 months

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wel now that mooni posted their nefarious light design im scared… :(

SPOILER ALERT MX, NONE OF MY LIGHTS WANT YOU‼️‼️ LEAVE THEM ALONE‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥 AND LEAVE MOONI ALONE FOR MY LIGHTS ARE MOTH PROTECTORS‼️‼️‼️ AND YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#anyways COUGHCOUGHCGOCU MOMMY NEF #roblox doors #would nef #oh yeah my lights are a dysfunctional family btw #neg and guide are curi’s parents but…#things get a bit silly with them :3 #gl fumbled the bag fr #no mx you cannot pick up the bag he dropped #or his child

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mrs-snape5984 · 2 months

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“I finally found you…”

“I remember all them days I waited so patiently, until god brought someone who's gonna be good to me. And he blessed my soul…” (“I found you” by Alabama Shakes)

Twenty one years ago, I found the love of my life. I opened a book…and suddenly he was there….stepping angrily into my life with wide billowing robes. Surrounded by a gloomy cloud of bitterness and sarcasm…piercing my heart with his sharp wit.

Only a few sentences….and I fell head over heels for this arrogant, brilliant mastermind. He’s my other half…the one, I’m finding myself within.

His cynicism - a clear indication of his high intellect - is matching my sense of sarcasm so exquisitely. In his bitterness - a telltale sign of his high sensitivity - I feel at home. Sharing our emotions of loneliness and grief makes them feel less unbearable.

Stubborn and stoical, he’s braving the cruelty of the world…allowing me to find inspiration in his resilience. Each of his words is divine to me…comforting my troubled soul.

Twenty one years of loving this character never failed to make me feel less alone. Twenty one years, I had a companion…an ally to face the traumatic events of my life with him by my side. Twenty one years….and I’ll never stop counting.

Twenty one years of unconditional…undeniable love for him. Twenty one years with Severus Snape.

I’ve commissioned my friend Mani, the wonderful @madfantasy, to make the moment of finding the love of my existence come to life. Mani, I will never understand, how perfectly you’re capable of grasping the deepest truth of my heart. Your drawing hand seems to have a direct connection to my soul. There can’t be another explanation for the excellence of your understanding of my ideas. My dear friend, you’re having an unique gift with your incredibly outstanding art style. Each time, I see a piece of your work, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I enjoy every little bit of our interactions, Mani. Every smile, every tear, every single emotion between our lines makes you so precious to me. Thank you for everything. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤