„And there's a black mark where your heart should've been….“

„I could've laid down and died, but my head was spinning round. It was spinning round. I wanna know what it's like, so I can feel it inside…“ („The Blue, The Green“ by Lonely The Brave)

Trigger warning: I’ve written this post in a moment of frustration and grief. If anyone has a problem with reading the sad thoughts of a depressed, middle-aged woman with the tendency to curse and swear too much, please feel free to skip the following five paragraphs.

It’s one of those especially hard days today. I had to leave my dark room to be taken to a medical appointment. Leaving my dark room means crashing hard again…with prior announcement!

So, leaving the house goes hand in hand with a sudden feeling of disorientation. Noises, movements, lights…those are all things, which my brain can’t comprehend anymore since I’m struggling with ME/CFS. When I’m overstimulated like that, I’m losing my grip on reality. Everything gets blurry and I feel as if I don’t know, who I am anymore.

It’s hard to describe, but I need to be guided into the right direction in these situations: Walking very slowly with my cane…having a break after every few steps…being held on my other arm…always wearing my dark sunglasses and my noise canceling earplugs…all these aspects together are making me feel so helpless…

I have to take my mother with me to the doctor’s office, because I wouldn’t understand a single word otherwise. And when I’m home again, back in my dark room…lying in my bed, the big crash starts to hit me right into my face! I’m getting feverish…my whole skin hurts as if it would be pulled off my body…my lymph nodes are swollen…my limbs are hurting and I can’t make a single step anymore. My head seems to explode from aching and I’m losing my ability to communicate properly. Every fucking time!

After some hours (sometimes even up to 24 hours) of sleep, I’m regaining consciousness again…still not capable of leaving my bed. And this is the worst moment…the moment, when my brain starts thinking about the humiliating feeling of being so helpless in my age. The moment, when I’m realising, that there are still so many years left to live….probably the same way as I was living for the past 1,5 years. The moment, when I’m grieving for the life, I’ve lost. The moment, when I’m hating myself for being too sick to be the active mother, friend, employee, I’ve been before this goddamn disease ME/CFS destroyed everything!

And this is the moment, when Severus has to take over. This might sound strange, but drowning in my fantasies about him is the only way to prevent my mind from going insane. Every time, when my own reality becomes unbearable to me, I’m imagining myself to be hidden beneath his robes…searching for shelter in his arms. Severus has been my safe haven for the past 21 years…and right now I’m clinging to him as tight as I can…in order to stay alive.

The wonderfully talented @alinearthp has transformed my fantasy into this beautiful artwork and I’m more than happy with the outcome of it. Aline, my friend, I love your art and the way, we’re sharing our thoughts with each other. You are a precious person, my dear, and I’m grateful to know you. Thank you so much for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

"Safety"

I just think he deserves to sit in a window and look at his stars until he falls asleep...

Hi mairon! I love the self insert comfort you did it was so cute! Would you be able to make some more? Possibly diluc taking care of someone like the girl you did in the last one — maybe putting them to bed because I’m suffering w my insomnia right now 😅 if you can’t dw!

oh, to be tucked snugly into bed by Diluc Ragnvindr

Who needs 50 Kim Seungmin when you talk about one (1) Kim Seungmin this much

poor thing ☹️

it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that

Only Friends Episode 7 | The way Ray looks at Sand

Ray, my son, I don't know in what version of de-lu-lu-land you're operating in but that's not how you gaze at "a friend". You can lie to yourself all you want, I'm not believing it for a second.

His gaze is noticeably different with Sand compared to how he looks at anyone else. He gets this very gentle, slightly bashful but also shy, mischievous twinkle in his eye. He also looks very at peace and calm in these quiet moments with Sand.

so i have a cat now

his name is leo and I love him very much

Im still thinking about bbh i cant help it. He wasnt going to bring skeppy onto the island. He was hoping that he’d get skeppy, but he was going to stick to his guns and leave the extra player up to islander vote. can you imagine? thats how much he loves them. thats how much he wants to be fair to them. he was going to let them choose, even when they all expected him to force skeppy onto the island, but he was going to let them choose. And it means that, for his current arc, he’s not grieving the loss of skeppy. he already knew there was a chance he wouldnt get him. Maybe that chance didnt become real until he actually lost, but it was never a guarantee that he’d get his skeppy.

bad is falling apart from the Stressors of the island and he is desperately trying not to. skeppy is his comfort blanket. skeppy is the reminder that, whatever happens here, bad cannot lose everything. Its not grief. Its “im not okay. I need help. he isnt here to help me, but if i pretend he is, maybe he can help me through it anyway.” maybe if skeppy where there, he’d know how to fix it. maybe if skeppy where there, bad wouldnt be falling apart at all.

just. he’s not okay. he asked Foolish for a hug. he spends so much time alone. he spends so much time with the eggs. when theyre gone, the skeppies will still be there. he misses him, and he loves the islanders so much he was going to give them the choice, and he cant ask them for help in any way that they can understand. he’s helping himself the only way he knows how- by clinging to his skeppy. and its still not enough

“I finally found you…”

“I remember all them days I waited so patiently, until god brought someone who's gonna be good to me. And he blessed my soul…” (“I found you” by Alabama Shakes)

Twenty one years ago, I found the love of my life. I opened a book…and suddenly he was there….stepping angrily into my life with wide billowing robes. Surrounded by a gloomy cloud of bitterness and sarcasm…piercing my heart with his sharp wit.

Only a few sentences….and I fell head over heels for this arrogant, brilliant mastermind. He’s my other half…the one, I’m finding myself within.

His cynicism - a clear indication of his high intellect - is matching my sense of sarcasm so exquisitely. In his bitterness - a telltale sign of his high sensitivity - I feel at home. Sharing our emotions of loneliness and grief makes them feel less unbearable.

Stubborn and stoical, he’s braving the cruelty of the world…allowing me to find inspiration in his resilience. Each of his words is divine to me…comforting my troubled soul.

Twenty one years of loving this character never failed to make me feel less alone. Twenty one years, I had a companion…an ally to face the traumatic events of my life with him by my side. Twenty one years….and I’ll never stop counting.

Twenty one years of unconditional…undeniable love for him. Twenty one years with Severus Snape.

I’ve commissioned my friend Mani, the wonderful @madfantasy, to make the moment of finding the love of my existence come to life. Mani, I will never understand, how perfectly you’re capable of grasping the deepest truth of my heart. Your drawing hand seems to have a direct connection to my soul. There can’t be another explanation for the excellence of your understanding of my ideas. My dear friend, you’re having an unique gift with your incredibly outstanding art style. Each time, I see a piece of your work, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I enjoy every little bit of our interactions, Mani. Every smile, every tear, every single emotion between our lines makes you so precious to me. Thank you for everything. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

So um yesterday's tazercraft stream happened and I caught up mostly with other people's notes and now... have this I guess. I hesitate to call it a fic, but its definitely fictional prose imagining the night after Pac's return with the two of them in Chume Labs.

Usual disclaimer of I only speak English with any fluency and so characterisation is likely to be abysmal. I just... also love these two guys and I'm doing my best to make them happy. But it doesn't seem very realistic, so I'll make Mike cry instead.

Pac will not wake up screaming, he never does. Mike had when Pac was taken from him - when Walter Bob was taken too, and each and every time he remembers the cells they have been held in. Pac, though, Pac was the strong one, the one who could handle it, who could just manage whatever situation was thrown at them - who acted like everything was okay so he could look after Mike.

No more.

Now Mike is the one sat at Pac's bedside, holding his hand even as he sleeps. Pac seems frozen in time, perfectly still even with the tension running through him. His muscles are so tight that even his back shakes with the tension, clearly stuck in a nightmare despite how quiet he is.

And Mike... Mike does not know what to do.

He thought he was a protector, but he has failed to protect in every way that matters. It had always been the two of them - Mike would shield Pac as they fought the world, and Pac would be there to patch up his wounds. But then they were taken, and then their friend was taken, and then Pac was taken leaving Mike alone and now-

If there was something to destroy it would be easier, Mike thinks.

Destroying the Federation will not be easy, and whatever he has seen in his time, alone in their grasp, Pac does not even think it possible any more; something in Pac has been broken, or perhaps stolen, and Mike can only hope that it is something that, despite his clumsy attempts to soothe, will heal.

Impossible is not a word that should be found in Pac's vocabulary, and yet...

There it is.

Mike has never been good at picking up the pieces, not when building, and certainly not of a person. But, but if Pac has broken, has slipped beneath the water, then Mike will not give in until either he is dead, or until he has Pac in his arms, fully this time around. If Pac has learnt the word impossible then Mike will forget it, and bludgeon head first into a world trying to destroy them, tearing it piece by piece until they are all safe once again.

Pac is his friend, and Mike is Pac's friend, and they mean everything to one another.

So, when he catches Pac's eyes, half-lidded, barely open, Mike will reach slowly out, and brush the hair from his eyes. He will tell him he is safe, that Mike will protect him, that nothing will be allowed to touch him again. Perhaps Mike will fail, but he will get back up and scream and try again, and do everything Pac can't until his wounds have healed and they move together again.

He will be scared when Pac does not respond beyond a slow blink, hesitate only a little before squeezing his hands. He will help Pac sit up, fold his hands around a water glass, and keep those hands steady as his friend drinks.

He will ask Pac if he is okay, and receive only a slight bowing of his head in return.

Fear will grip him tighter - it has not left yet, it had never gone - but he will pull Pac against his chest, hold him close, clutch him closer as he tries to outsqueeze the fear.

Pac will turn his face into Mike's chest, and wrap his fingers in his shirt, and say nothing as Mike makes promises of them being together, of them being home, of having trapped the area around the beds to hell and high heaven and that, even if something can make it past, it will not be quiet enough to escape Mike's notice.

Mike will hold him and comfort him and, when the words run out with Pac still silent but now trembling against him, he will let himself sob, and he will cry for the both of them.

@shadowlifebleep

@doyoubelieveinwhateverr

Here you go!! (Both wholesome and dark humored themed. My favorite duo!!<3)

There is a couple more requests left but If you still want to join..... go to this post to comment or drop an ask for me. >post<

kind of a dumb headcanon BUT i think whenever lance actually has some spare time (arceus knows he rarely has any of that) whenever he's not out and about with one of his Various Kids (kanto trio and johto quartet), i think he likes to knit. Specifically so that he can make stuff for the baby dratini in the dragon's den for the winter + stuff like hats and scarves for his own pokemon team. clair does the nearly the Exact Same Thing (crotcheting instead though), however, unlike lance, who would likely be calm about it being discovered (especially since silver would be the most likely to discover it since dad lance is real in my heart), clair would just Drop Kick the discoverer into oblivion (also likely silver. this time because it's funny)

✦ | Cozy Luke Skywalker Stimboard

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I love those brief moments we get where we get to see hannibal just be human. Like they're such simple scenes but I adore it.