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quitealotofsodapop · 7 hours

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That's not forgetting the fact MK was also in big trouble.

Wukong: 1300 years, Macaque! We have been married, officially, for over 1300 years! What in Newa's name would compelling you to look me in the eye and lie to my face about this!? For over a year!

Macaque: I-I know, but Peaches this was important! I promise, I promise I was only trying to protect you and our cubs!

Wukong: FAT LOAD OF GOOD THAT DID! We all got dragged into it anyway, Liu'er! Xiaotian was searching for you every day, getting into fights with demons and celestials alike to figure out where you went! Our powers are gone, we're being chased across all of China and beyond while our home is a literal icicle, and the Lady Bone Demon has Ringu Jingu Bang! How is this protecting us!?

Tang, whispering to MK: Is... is this the famous temper that once gave Sun Wukong the reputation of being capable of cowing even the great Li Jing!?

MK nods mutely: I heard the story. Apparently, I was there, just not born yet.

Small cute headcanon, but I headcanon that Tripitaka had officiated Wukong and Macaque's official wedding in JTTW Stone Egg au

referencing. Hehe I love all of this

Macaque: "Are son was getting into fights!?... did he win?" Wukong: "OF COURSE HE WON! HE'S OUR SON! DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" The Noodle Shop Gang: (*keeping a safe distance*) Tang, whispering jokingly: "Oh my gosh. Flashback to the Golden Pouch Mountain, am I right?" Nezha, with a thousand-yard stare: "Yeah, Macaque is not in Sun Wukong's good graces at the moment. I stll remember having to hoist him up so that he could look my father in the eye while he screamed." Tang, fascinated: "I... I was just joking but omg. He had you lift him up? Thats so cute!" Nezha: "Yeah, I wasn't about to argue with a hormonal expectant monkey. The only reason that anger wasn't directed at me was because he saw me as a cub to protect. My father crumbled like a stone pillar after the first five minutes." MK, laughing nervously: "I was there! Just an Egg though." The Noodle Shop Gang: (*realising just how old MK is*) "wut"

And oh gosh the legendary "Shouting at General Li Jing for the Rhino King incident". I love the idea of historians jotting that down and forgetting the context of why Sun Wukong was so furious at the Pagoda King.

I feel like Macaque deliberately struck himself out of many records to keep his and MK's presence a secret from mortal eyes and ears. But some people (esp demon historians) still wrote down that the Monkey King had a super-protective-adoring mate during his Journey to the West.

Basically most of Macaque's reunion + MK's reveal to his mom/baba that he's been secretly a superhero is Wukong yelling at them for hours from worry.

#post jttw stone egged au #jttw stone egged au #stone egg talk #shadowpeach #sun wukong #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #lmk mk #qi xiaotian #lmk tang #lmk nezha #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk aus #pregnancy tw

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stargazingsims · 2 days

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Okay - hold on, this is starting to get a little freaking exhausting. Like, I can't do anything, I can't even pee without Mandy crying for mommy. And I'm pregnant - I'm pissing every five minutes! I have stuff to do around the house, how am I supposed to get anything done with Mandy needing me all the time?

It's fine for Thorne, he's always off to the city for work, he only has to be a parent when it's fun for him. Seriously?!

#gameplay #scott #scott gen12 #scott 2000 #Erica Bachelor-Kane #Amanda Bailey #Thorne Bailey #Angel Bachelor-Kane #pregnancy tw

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transbeeduo · 4 months

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STOP DISCOURSING MATPAT IN MY NOTES STILL

#im so fucking tired of matpat fuck you. now its tubbo pregnancy #I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MATPAT OK #pregnancy tw

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cherryflavoredbutch · 1 year

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instagram post: *video of a woman gently encouraging a hesitant child to go down a slide*

the first comment: this woman is violently pressuring her child to do something that they are clearly terrified to do, children should NEVER have to do anything they don't want to do, this kid is being abused and will grow up to hate their mother i hope someone calls cps on her

the second comment: kids are so thin skinned these days if it were my kid i would push it down the slide and laugh at it if it cried. this is the only way we will win the culture war

the third comment: she should have used a condom. this would make a great condom ad. no one cares that someone came in you. kids are not human. i hate kids so much.

the fourth comment: DM ME """HELP""" 🤝💪😤 I AM PAYING OFF DEBT OF FIRST 5 🎉 TO DM 💯💯💵💵 DON'T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY 😍

#ok to rb #pregnancy tw #abuse tw

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sluttywoozi · 4 months

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Werewolf!mingyu x f!reader pregnancy headcanons

continuation of werewolf!mingyu

Warnings: biting/marking, breeding kink, mention of iud and iud removal, cum inflation, pregnancy

Werewolf mingyu knows he wants you to be his wife after the first date

Knows he wants to build a family with you by the third

You get married right out of college and he’s ready to get started, but you’re not quite there yet

He’s patient, and it helps that you have an iud so he can still knot you as often as you both want

Which happens to be just about every day thanks to his wolf shouting at him to mark you in some way

He wants to keep his teeth marks all over you but talks himself down to just two - one on your tummy and one on your inner thigh

Absolutely loses his mind when you tell him you want to get your iud taken out and start trying

Quite literally rips off your clothes and takes you right there in the living room

First he bends you over the couch and then he has you sit on his dick in his favorite chair and fuck yourself on his knot

Both times, he can’t stop from sinking his teeth into the spot where your neck meets your shoulder

It hurts like hell and you have to hide the bite mark at work but you’re not upset with him

If anything, you feel even more loved

Because you know he was so lost in you that he lost control, because he apologized so many times after, and because he ate you out for the rest of the night to make up for it

He takes you to your iud removal appointment and holds your hand the whole time and gives you tummy rubs until the soreness goes away

Then the next few months are wild, and so is mingyu

He fucks you for hours at a time, multiple times a day

You both have to call out of work more than once because you just can’t tear yourselves away from each other

You have a near permanent swollen belly from all the cum he’s pumping into you on the daily (nigh hourly) and he’s absolutely obsessed with it

“This is how you’ll look in the first couple months,” he says, holding your stomach with both hands and grinning up at you with starry eyes and sharp teeth

It takes almost a year and a lot of cycle planning, but you finally get that positive pregnancy test and you both cry over it (mingyu more than you (shocker))

He thanks you more times than you can count, presses kisses all over your belly, and takes you right back to bed to celebrate

Throughout your pregnancy, he dotes on you even more than he did before

Cooks all of your meals and takes you out shopping for maternity clothes any time something you love doesn’t fit

Goes with you to every appointment and always reminds you of questions you mentioned wanting to ask, takes notes the whole time in a journal with little baby footprints on the front

Rubs your back and your feet every night, takes pleasure and pride in smoothing cocoa butter over your growing belly to help with the itchiness of stretching skin

Will pick you up and carry you at the drop of a hat, all you have to do is say, “My calves are a little sore tod-” and you’re in his arms

Sleeps with one arm under your head and the other cradling your bump

Wakes up every single time you get up to go to the bathroom because even with how deeply he sleeps, he can still sense when you’re not there

Fucks you so gently, it brings tears to your eyes

You feel so good, he can’t talk while he’s fucking you, but as soon as he’s got you locked around his knot, he says the sweetest things

Things like, “You’re so fucking beautiful, all full and round with our baby,” and “I love you more than anything, honey,” and “Fuck, I just wanna keep you like this forever, keep you on my knot, keep you bred.”

You wish the same, of course, but you both decide to give your body a year to recover which means he just soaks in this time with even more dedication

When it's time for your baby to join you earthside, you're actually the one panicking

You're convinced you can't do it, convinced his cute little monster baby will rip you apart, convinced you're not cut out to be a mother

He soothes every worry, reminds you that you've been preparing for this for near ten months, tells you you'll be the best possible mother because you're already the best possible person

And many hours later when you're holding your baby and he's holding you, you finally believe him

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klownkoster · 1 month

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Silly self indulgent comfort doodles bc i feel terrible rn 👍

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kathaynesart · 2 months

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You have me anticipating that Holiday Special SO FRICKING BAD 😭. No pressure or asking you to hurry up at all, just saying that I'm like super super excited to see what happens hehehe. Unless it turns out you aren't posting it or somthin. But anway, I love your comic and Im obsessed with how well you draw the turtles and April and Cass, you know? THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS COMIC INTO MY LIFE 😍

Ahh! Thank you so much and thank you to all the kind messages I have received in the past few months! I wish I had the time to respond to them all but sadly life has been busy! I promise I've been working hard on the next update too! I have 14 of 18 pages completed and I really really want to get it done by this weekend if I can! In the mean time have a panel to tie you over!

They weren't prepared.

#rottmnt replica #kathaynesart #replica #rottmnt #save rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #unpause rise of the tmnt #unpause rottmnt #q&a #pregnancy cw #pregnancy tw #pregnancy mention

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mysharona1987 · 2 months

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Hey, at least she’s upfront about her hypocrisy.

#democrats #republicans #Ivf #donald trump #Us #alabama #pregnancy tw #gop #parenting #politics #joe biden #maga #science #ivf treatment #in vitro fertilization

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randoimago · 5 months

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thinking about: bruno, abbacchio, mista with an S/O that's pregnant but hasn't said anything cause they keep waiting for the right moment but keeps being distracted by other stuff and it isn't until narancia uses his stand and goes "uh why do you have two heartbeats?" that it's finally brought up.

#jjba x reader #bruno bucciarati x reader #leone abbacchio x reader #guido mista x reader #tw pregnancy #pregnancy tw #mista x reader #abbacchio x reader #bucciarati x reader

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quitealotofsodapop · 8 hours

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Post jttw stone egg

Wukong snd Macaque would most definitely get into a fight over this tho. Like, this would be the SECOND time Macaque had knowingly abandoned Wukong whilst he was pregnant, and while this time he hadn't actually intended to stay away and was actually doing this to help protect him, the repeat performance completely and utterly shattered the trust he had to work so hard to gain back after the first time. Especially since Wukong had to deal with the fact one of his worst fears came to fruition and one two of his children had to be without at least one of their parents for their birth

referencing.

Oh yeah, S3 Shadowpeach are not on sharing-the-bed terms once Macaque finally reunites with them. And after the shadow monkey recieves a confusing-ass encounter with both Nezha (whom Mac was trying to steal the map from) and the Demon Bull Family yelling at Macaque + learning that his family got dragged into the mess he was trying to keep them from anyway.

Wukong is shouting at Macaque about how they've been married for 1300+ years and how couldn't he just tell him the true reason he left. And Macaque is just shrunken into his scarf from shame, explaining that after nearly losing Wukong with MK's birth, he became deathly afraid of losing him or their cubs. And if that meant lying to make sure that he stayed away from the Lady Bone demon, he would do so.

And ofc Wukong is dealing with his own unresolved trauma about what happened to Ao Lie at the Samadhi Fire ritual - Wukong had participated in the ritual despite knowing that he was pregnant at the time, and believed thats what ruined everything between their familes.

A lot of impromptu couples counselling is done over the course of the S3 trip for the pair to come to terms with their issues/fall madly back in loved with one another.

I can imagine a "Forget About Love"-type set up by the Noodle Shop gang to trick the immortal pair to remember why they get so worried/angry for their mate. Pigsy sings.

Also there like a bunch of baby and toddler monkeys just wanting to see their Mama and Baba stop being mad and kiss again already.

MK has to cover his eyes once he realises that his parents are back on smootching terms.

Wukong & Macaque: (*obnoxiously in-love married couple noises away from the camp*) MK: (*covering his eyes and ears*) Mei: "Awwww! Whats the issue monkey man? I thought you wanted them back to normal!" MK: "I do. But I also can tell when they're about to get gross." Tang, peeking beyond the campsite: "What do you mean by- Oh my." (*blushes and takes off his glasses*) MK, covering head with sleeping bag: "YEAH. Why do you think I have so many baby siblings!?" >~<

#post jttw stone egged au #jttw stone egged au #stone egg talk #shadowpeach #pregnancy tw #sun wukong #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #shadowpeach as parents #lmk mk #qi xiaotian #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk aus

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genderkoolaid · 1 year

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Okay is it just me or are people rlly weird about male pregnancy? Like, to a lot of ppl, if you bring up, it gets treated like a joke? I saw an article about a trans guy who had a baby and got misgendered by staff and SO MANY comments were transphobic. Some ppl get so weird about trans men asking for gender neutral terms in healthcare too. I’m not being coherent rn but like I’ve never seen this being talked about. As a cis girl, it weird how some women want to gatekeep the concept of pregnancy

Oh definitely. I've made a few posts about this exact thing.

Pregnancy is the apotheosis of womanhood under the patriarchy. that's why a pregnant man is so strange: women and men are meant to be antitheses of each other, so a man with the symbol of womanhood is jarring and therefore comedic. But it's also seen as dangerous, because trans men are "corrupting" womanhood by partaking in The woman activity while socially identifying and physically appearing as men; they demand their manhood be respected while also being pregnant, which threatens womanhood by saying that pregnancy is not the apotheosis of womanhood but instead genderless, and a genderless choice (as opposed to an gendered obligation)

This is all an example of how trans men are only "acceptable" when we are stealth and indistinguishable from cis men. The MINUTE you have a visibly pregnant man, people lose their goddamn minds and don't know how to act. When trans men & other trans people who can get pregnant ask that menstrual supplies and vaginal/uterine care be gender neutral, people freak out about transmascs "erasing women". The uterus embodies womanhood under the patriarchy, so trans men must either be forced into cis womanhood, or be alienated from their own body in order to fit into cis manhood. & in general there's an expectation that, if cis society graciously allows trans people to be ourselves without forced detransition & death, we have a duty to imitate our cis counterparts and disassociate from anything that connects us to our AGAB: "trans acceptance" often really means "trans people can only exist when they do everything they can to make their transness invisible"

#m.#ask box #pregnancy tw #transandrophobia #transmisandry #anti transmasculinity #male pregnancy

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transbeeduo · 2 months

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I know this isn't exactly what you meant but I took the opportunity to show off my hybrid anatomy headcanon

here's a slightly pregnant c!tubbo

OHHH MY GODSDS OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD THIS IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO MEEEEE i LOVEEE ur c!tubbo’s anatomy im such a sucker for when ppl give more animal-like traits to hybrids its SOOOO GOOD i love his hair here too ouhhh whatta guy…. ALSO IDK IF THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO GET SO EXCITED OVER BUT LIKE C!TUBBO PREGNANCY ART!!!!!!!!! IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!! sorry for gushing so much this just genuinely made me so happy

#LOVEEE UR C!TUBBO hes eberything #mutuals <3 #sadtrashking #pregnancy tw #FAVORITES #ALL TIME FAVORITES

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theloveinc · 9 months

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kirishima x reader - kiri really, really, REALLY wants a third child.

(warnings: afab + fem reader who is a mom with two bio babies, breeding, slight sense of dubcon but it really is con, slight voyeurism, heavy on the pregnancy, mention of sick baby + baby coming early (all is well tho), son = mister, daughter = missy, abrupt end)

1.5k+ words. enjoy!!

The conversation comes up on a sunny day in Denki’s backyard. His wife and their newest daughter in her lap sunbathing next to you, the baby reaching out for your sleeve every so often as the three of you watch Denki, Kiri and the older children—save for the oldest who claims she’s too big for such things—play in the sprinklers, screaming.

“Have you thought about a third?” Denki’s wife asks, tipping down her sunglasses to send you an inquisitive stare.

“Oh, god, no. Ei and I are done.”

“Really?” she seems surprised. “He’s such a good father, you’d think…”

You shrug, taking a sip of the mango slush that was provided to you when you first arrived. “We were considering it, but mister came so early that the stress of another seemed too much.”

“Ah, I know how that goes all too well. Has Kiri gotten, you know…?” She makes a snipping motion with her fingers.

You snort, the thought almost as implausible as Denki with a son. Doctors have recommended that most heroes remain unaltered, at least to reduce the chances of hormone levels fluctuating unexpectedly and causing changes in prowess… and though that didn’t stop Bakugo five years ago and nothing’s changed about his aggression or fighting style, your husband still uses the warning as an excuse to stay hesitant.

“Oh, hell no. Have you tried talking to him about it? He goes nuts, and the man is stubborn as a bull.”

“Are you guys using condoms, then?”

At that, you can’t help but laugh. Protected sex after what? Nearly ten years of marriage? Kirishima was far from the type even when you first met, if you tried bringing up latex contraception now, he’d practically consider it offensive, or a threat to his masculinity at the very least.

“Pills for now. Surprisingly the side effects have been manageable.”

“Aren’t you worried those might fail?”

Her persistent concern touches you, and how could it not when she and her husband have to wrangle five, blonde, Kaminari daughters from sunset to sundown on the daily… but it’s nothing you don’t think you and Ei couldn’t navigate together if need be.

The youngest starts squirming for you and you offer to take her in your arms, trading your slush to plop her on the warmth of your lap which immediately ceases her cooing.

“Well,” you tickle her baby plump belly, the delighted squeal you get in response making you grin, “I guess an accident wouldn’t be so bad if they turned out like this one.”

Little did you know, Kirishima overheard your little, half-joking declaration. It’s a wonder, given that you’d assumed if the water hadn’t drowned out your voices, the seven screaming children (and Denki) would’ve.

But he catches you the next morning, fresh out of the shower as you stand in the bathroom prepping your skin for the rest of the day.

“I heard,” he leans in behind you, his damp and loose hair reflected in the mirror, “you said you wanted another baby?”

You chuckle, the steamy warmth of his belly pressing into your back almost overwhelming, “I said, accidents happen, my love. I’m perfectly content with the three babies I have now.”

Kirishima pouts, the hands on your hips tightening as they slowly turn you around to face him.

“What if we…?” he starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“Haven’t we talked about this?” you yawn, picking a stray piece of thread off of the damp towel hanging around his shoulders, your other hand running down his bare chest. “I thought we agreed two was enough?”

“I was just thinking, you know, it doesn’t sound so bad now that mister is older and all.”

You wave him off, nudging your way out from between the sink counter and his hips before pressing one quick peck to his cheek.

“Shoo. You’re going to be late for work,” Kirishima doesn’t let you go so easily, his hands lingering and only falling when you’re finally out of reach. “There’s a lunch in the fridge. Don’t get hung up on it, yeah?”

But Kirishima is hung up on it.

He loves being a dad more than anything, feels as though it's one of the many reasons he was placed on this earth, and though he loves you now more than any other time in his life and would love you no matter what happened to your body, he can’t say he wasn’t extremely delighted when you were pregnant... nor that he doesn’t want to see another rounded belly on you again.

Besides, your daughter was so curious about it, so precious and clingy, but she was almost too little to understand what was happening in your belly when you were swollen with your son… that Kirishima really only has a handful of memories of you all together before one baby became two and two babies became children.

And when he spent their babyhood was spent half in a hospital and half with you out of commission, he just can't help but imagine that doing it over with a third would make his whole life complete.

It just makes perfect sense.

It’s couple’s hot yoga the next time it gets brought up, Kirishima helping you hold the warm-up stretches as he ponders the questions out loud.

“Have you thought about it at all?” He whispers, hands pulling your thigh away from your face and into a stretch meant to straighten your hamstrings.

“Thought about what?”

“Baby number three,” he lowers your leg and helps switch you to the other side.

You laugh, disturbing the calm of the heated studio, apologizing to the other couples there softly after. “You seem pretty committed.”

Kirishima nods like a desperate puppy, knowing how he must look in his loose tank top and sweatband, his hair pushed back from his forehead revealing a flush that isn’t yet due to the steam in the room.

“What’s so good about a third, anyway?” you as say as he repositions your leg from straight to bent at the instructors command. “You know how sick mister was. I can’t go through that again.”

“What if you didn’t have to?

You glare, straining your neck to make sure Kiri can get a peak at your angry eyes. “You say that like you know what would happen.”

"I just…” he shrugs, thumb rubbing your ankle. “We missed missy’s toddler years taking care of mister, and by the time he was walking, missy was using full on sentences and demanded that we start treating her like an adult.”

The instructor commands you turn on your side and begin the same stretches that way.

“You were also still recovering from the pregnancy, I had to go back to work… and I want to do it again but with just one this time. Savor the baby years the way we should’ve savored theirs.”

Kirishima lets his palm brush the intersection between your thighs as he keeps your let from falling. Damp and warm with sweat, he can’t help but press his fingers into where your loins hide under your leggings and—

You stick your foot in his face, the other couples amongst the room already shifting. “Up. It’s your turn for stretches.”

“Shit.”

“Ooh, mommy cussed!”

“You didn’t hear that, baby. I’m just—“ you squint at the notification on your device.

“What?” Kirishima asks, holding your daughter in his arms. The tops of her feet are pressing into his belly while they pass a large slice of dripping, red watermelon back and forth. Your son is preoccupied at the coloring table set up in the living room, drawing pictures of semi-naked heroes with enormous hairdos.

“Pharmacy’s out of my birth control. Won’t be in for a few weeks.”

You don’t miss the way Kiri’s eyebrows immediately raise, though you glance back down at your phone to panic-click more buttons in the hopes that he gets the hint.

“What’s that mean, babe?” he asks, feigning innocence about a subject you very well know he’s versed in.

“What do you mean, what’s that mean?”

“I mean, what are we gonna do about that? You know—“

You groan.

“Hush. We’re just gonna pretend I didn’t say that and move on,” you turn on your feet to rush out of the room, calling over your shoulder. “And share the watermelon with mister. I’m calling the doctor.”

“Ooh,” your daughter says again, her sticky hands going to Kiri’s cheeks which are pinched in a funny expression she doesn’t clock, “Daddy’s in trouble!”

But honestly, Kirishima can’t pretend he hadn’t heard what you said… and truly doesn’t know what you were thinking when you suggested that he try. Birth control aside, on it or off it, you were bound to have sex eventually… that was never even the issue.

Though when you bring up condoms to the whiney redhead barely a few days later, he barely manages to open one before accidentally flinging it across the room in trying to see how well it stretches.

“I can’t do this,” Kirishima frowns, sitting back down on the bed after pulling his briefs back on to throw away the slimy piece of latex. He curls an arm back around you to pull you in between his legs, hands moving to grip your waist while he admires the cute black, mom panties you’re wearing that sit over the handles of your hips. “I don’t wanna wear a condom.”

You sigh, your own hands scratching the tops of his shoulders. “You’re not planning on pulling out, either. Are you?”

“No,” he doesn’t even say it shamefully, “I’m not planning on pulling out.”

“And you’re gonna hope that it sticks?”

“Yes,” his eyelids flutter looking up at you. You’re so cute frowning like you’re not gonna let him have his way and then pretend it’s all his fault. An accident. “I’m gonna hope it gets you pregnant.”

That makes you roll your eyes, though it also has you squeezing your legs together.

“You’re such a dog.”

Kirishima nods, but you don’t stop him from slowing pulling your panties down.

“Only for you.”

#kirishima x reader #kirishima #and then u find out it' s identical twins two months later #kirishima's hooting and hollering and you're sitting there like 🙂snip snip time #lol idk #hope this was alright! it came so naturally to me lol #but it still feels a little stunted... or at least the dialogue at the end does #i might edit it but probably not LOL #pregnancy tw #kids tw #caitie post #gen

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mintmatcha · 9 months

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I have an idea but you have to follow me on this one:

You decide that you want a baby. You're in a good position financially to have one, you're ready emotionally, but there's one issue: you don't have anyone to help you make it. Sure, you could go to the sperm bank, but that's money you'd rather spend on the child itself.

You're complaining about it with your agency partners one night when Bakugo interjects:

"You and Sero should just make a fucling baby together," Bakugo says through gritted teeth, "He won't shut up about baby fever either."

You and your friend Sero lock eyes from across the table. Everyone else is chuckling at the joke while you and Sero clearly have the same thought.

That's not a bad idea.

#falling in love while you carry his baby #pregnancy tw #child tw

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soulprompts · 7 months

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an unexpected arrival. (A PROMPT LIST!)

so a lovely anonymous angel asked for a list of prompts relating to an unexpected pregnancy, and i made a list! i have two other lists over on my other blog that i'm gonna reblog over here, but there may be some slight overlap with these; however, unlike the other two lists, these focus exclusively on the unexpected part. DON'T ADD TO THIS LIST, DON'T CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN! but do have a tonne of fun with them!

" so, remember last week, when i had the flu and i couldn't leave my house? turns out it wasn't the flu. i'm pregnant. "

" i'm telling you about this baby because you deserve to know. that's all. i don't expect anything from you. i don't need you to step up or whatever. i just thought you ought to know. "

" i'm sure you don't need to be reminded, but... getting pregnant wasn't exactly part of the whole life plan. "

" you're sure? i mean, you did the test properly? maybe it was a false positive. or, or maybe you didn't read the results right... "

" a baby... well. that certainly complicates things, doesn't it? "

" i don't even know if i want kids. "

" could you please just stop reminding me that this isn't part of the plan?! you think i don't know that?! we're having a baby, i'm terrified enough without you reminding me! "

" look. i'm/you're not the first person to get pregnant, and i/you won't be the last. we're gonna figure it out, alright? "

" my place isn't even close to being big enough for a baby... they need so much stuff. cribs, prams, diaper stations... and my neighbors complain enough as it is, they'll evict me if i have a screaming baby as well... "

" hey... why don't you move in with me? i've got plenty of space, and my walls are thick, so the baby could scream as loud as they want. you could stay as long as you like. "

" should... we get married? i mean, that's what you do, isn't it? when someone's having a baby? "

" okay, we're not getting married. i mean, i appreciate the gesture, but... there's plenty of single parents out there. what's one more, right? "

" god... we are so stupid. i mean, seriously! any idiot knows that condoms aren't 100% effective! if we're dumb enough to forget that, how are we meant to look after a baby?! "

" you... you're kidding, right? this is a joke? it's a fake pregnancy test, some weird, slightly out of touch belated april fool's prank? "

" it's honestly insane that we didn't figure it out sooner... i mean, those were some wild cravings, right? "

" when you say late... do you mean like, a few days? or are we talking... months? "

" no, no, this... it changes everything. EVERYTHING. i... i don't know if i'm ready for this, i don't think i'm parent material, i... "

" hey. you're not alone. you got that? it takes a village, right? i'm gonna help you every step of the way. we all will. this kid, if you choose to go through with it... they'd be okay. "

" you know i support you. whatever choice you end up making. i will always be by your side. okay? "

" if this is some weird idea of a joke, i have to tell you, it's not funny. i mean, you're having a baby AND i'm somehow the dad? a little much, no? "

" no, i want to step up. it took two of us to make this baby, and i want to make sure you know that, if you go ahead with this, there's gonna be two of us to raise them, too. "

" the father doesn't believe that the baby is his. "

" okay. so screw the father. i'm going to be here to help you. okay? we'll parent this kid so well, they'll never want to know who their real dad is. "

" so... you wanna tell me who the father is? "

" the surprise baby is actually not just one baby. we're having twins/triplets/etc. "

" hey, hey... don't worry, okay? it's alright. it's all going to be okay. condoms break, yeah? it's no biggie... "

" what do you mean, you think?! haven't you taken a pregnancy test yet? "

" that's a lot of pregnancy books you got there... got something you want to tell me? "

" have you told the father yet? "

" i guess, seeing how you rushed over here so fast to tell me the news, that you think the baby is mine? "

" look, we both made plans, right? and obviously shit happens, but... a baby is a pretty massive deal. "

" how many other people have you told about the pregnancy? "

" what do you want to do? "

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