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yuri-is-online · 10 months

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And in With the New (Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, and Diasomnia x Yuu)

"Look I would get rid of this thing if I could afford a new sweatshirt." You drag the offensive article of clothing over your head completely missing the spark of curiosity and mischief in your companion's eye. "I've got a lot of bad memories associated with this."

"If it's that uncomfortable we can go look for a replacement instead of-"

"Oh no not like that, it's super comfy. I just don't like it because it technically belongs to my ex."

notes: they/them used for Yuu, their ex is implied to be kind of a shit person, other dorms can be found here (x) Ortho is somewhat included in Idia's part but does not have one of his own.

Kalim- "Do you have any other things from your world?"

Kalim has expressed a desire for you to see as much of Twisted Wonderland as possible, and he stands by that, but it would really suck if the only physical connection you had to your home was something that brought up painful memories. Your past relationship isn't something that makes him jealous, just concerned since it clearly causes you distress. He can wait to get you more appropriate clothing until after he makes sure you're ok. If the sweatshirt really is the only thing you have from home, he'll be asking if there are any foods you remember or activities you liked to do with the people you actually cared about that the two of you can recreate in Twisted Wonderland. That way you won't have to feel the need to hold onto something painful and he gets to make you happy.

Jamil- "Then why didn't you get rid of it before you came here?"

On the one hand he does feel a bit second rate at the thought of you holding onto something form an ex, but his primary concern is the implication that your financial straights have always been this... dire. He definitely wants to know about your previous relationship so he can judge them for how much better he is, but once he notices that the memories are a bit on the traumatic side he stops pushing and feels just the slightest bit guilty. But really, if it's something that hurts you to hold onto then why do it? You aren't him, you don't need to do that, people love you and want to take care of you, him included. He's not going to just give you his hoodie, he would literally die of embarrassment, but he does get you a sweatshirt. If for no other reason than to keep him from staring holes into your back now that he knows where the other one came from.

Vil- "It doesn't suit you at all."

If his treatment of Epel is anything to go by, Vil is not above spending money on something he considers to be a pet project. Not that this... friendship is one of those, nor is he particularly jealous of some no name extra who was too blind to beg on their hands and knees to get back in your good graces. Not that he needs to do that you understand; as arrogant as Vil has a reputation for being, he is one of the people who has been more genuine when expressing concern and gratitude for you. His comment isn't meant to be a slight, clothing that makes you feel bad about yourself is failing to do its job as fashion, and as a world class super model that is unacceptable. In other words get in the car looser we're going shopping.

Rook- "Ah, I thought it was something like that."

Is it bad if he says he meant he hoped it was something like that? Not that he was rooting for your ex to be a bad person, he would never wish a subpar lover on you. But when he saw the tattered edges of your sweatshirt and how it clashed with the things you bought for yourself, he hoped that maybe someone in your world hadn't wanted your hands to be cold. If that's not the case, then if you are ok with letting it go as a lover of romance who is he to deny you your freedom? Granted tossing roses onto a fire while you burn an ugly sweatshirt is both very extra and very Rook but hey. He's having fun and you've got a new jacket.

Epel- "Afford shamford I could'a just made ya one!"

Offering their sweetheart their hoodie is something manly tall guys get to do and Epel has really really REALLY. Been looking forward to getting to that point in his relationship with you. He wants to feel like a real man, like your real man to be specific. The thought of some other piece of shit getting to do that first and treating you like a used dish rag pisses him off. Best believe he is huffing and puffing his way back to Grandma Felmier's boot camp with a mission to do you one and your ex two better by knitting you a pullover to go with your uniform. Everything that comes from Harveston is a top quality product prefect, better than whatever you left behind he guarantees it.

Idia- "So this is that kind of route huh..."

Of course you had a partner back in your world, if he can see your good points then a normie absolutely could. That doesn't make you less appealing, it just makes him feel all that more convinced he doesn't have a chance. He's halfway through whipping out his tablet to excuse himself when Ortho asks what you meant by "shitty memories" and they both get blindsided by just how much vitriol you have for a person whose clothing you technically kept on you. And suddenly he's back in business because there are few things that unite Idia with someone faster than a good old fashion bitch fest. Sure, his insults are weirdly possessive of you, but if he had any doubts about your feelings for this person he doesn't now! He's never heard you talk about anyone like this before and he finds it so attractive he almost forgets to short circuit when Ortho convinces you to try on his hoodie. Almost.

Malleus- "..."

Sometimes he feels like a broken record, constantly marveling at how little fear you have of him, but really child of man, you have no fear. Malleus has very little in the way of emotional intelligence, so he doesn't fully understand that what he is feeling is jealousy he just knows the thought of you with someone else's clothes hurts. Unfortunately for you both, in addition to not being emotionally intelligent he also isn't with the times and there is a non zero percent chance he will be bringing you a cloak and be genuinely confused when you don't immediately replace your old hide for his. (Lilia takes responsibility for that, he was making a joke honest.) Oh? The point was it's supposed to be something he wore so you can feel closer to him when he's gone? Well why didn't you say so child of man, he is more than willing to offer you a scale- what do you mean you can't wear that either?

Lilia- "Oh? Are you asking for one of mine?"

Shame has not been a word in Lilia's vocabulary since long before you showed up prefect. He always buys oversized clothing because of how cute the long sleeves look on him, but oh they would be so much cuter on you prefect, don't you want to see? Oh and while the two of you are at it, why don't you let him paint your nails and do your eye shadow. He's never had one of those slumber party things you humans do, you should make a night of this so you can both get a new experience out of this. He can have a slumber party and you can be the center of someone's world. Also what do you mean you're supposed to summon the devil at these things, he's already here.

Silver- "Would you like one of mine?"

Lilia raised a very good boy who thinks nothing of offering the shirt off his back to save someone in distress. Silver isn't a jealous person by nature, he's more concerned with making sure you are safe and taken care of than he is making sure you don't still have feelings for your ex. Above all else, Silver wants to be a safe space for you to come home to at the end of the day, like a proper knight in shining armor. Though he does have to admit, you look really nice in Diasomnia colors, they're really close to Briar Valley's so if you decide to come and visit he's assures you that you will fit right in. He's sure his father would be very happy to play host. Maybe too happy.

Sebek- "HOW UTTERLY DISGRACEFUL."

You think he's upset at you but he's not, that's made painfully clear with the rant he starts to go on about proper courtship procedure. Offering clothing to someone is supposed to be a sign of high affection, nay eternal devotion! And it suddenly becomes clear to you that Sebek has somehow managed to confuse the concept of a stolen hoodie and a knight's favor. He seems to have managed to convince himself, in the span of two seconds, that you are wearing this not because it is one of your only pieces of clothing, but because your ex convinced you that they're the only one who could love you which IS NOT TRUE. YOU UNDERSTAND HUMAN? DO YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAAND?

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #kalim al asim x reader #jamil viper x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #rook hunt x reader #epel felmier x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #silver x reader #sebek zigvolt x reader

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loveundrwrld · 4 months

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yan bully (past) x gn reader

kinda angsty, wanted to do something different with the concept of a yan bully. do make sure to heed the content warnings on this one as this is a little more dark/potentially triggering than what i typically post.

(cws: bullying, trauma from said bullying, implied childhood trauma, stalking, yandere is kinda self-destructive(?) for lack of a better word, general yandere shenanigans)

- yandere bully who taunted and tormented you in childhood . . . though, he doesn't initially remember it that way

- when it started, he was just ‘playing’ with you. and as time went on, he started to unconsciously project his complicated feelings onto you. just ‘pranks’ and ‘playing around’ to release some of his stress. and when his friends join in, he sees nothing wrong with it.

- your reactions are funny- and he wants to share that with his friends. why would that be wrong?

- he’s been treated the same way- and to him, he thinks he ‘turned out just fine.’ so it’s ok, isn’t it?

- after all, when you try to get teachers involved . . . they don’t think it’s an issue either. just kids playing around. so why should he feel bad?

- the reader, after a while of being bullied nearly daily, becomes apathetic to it. this irritates him. he wants to be in the forefront of your mind, for better or for worse . . . though, he doesn’t quite know why.

- he becomes more focused after that, more obsessive. he doesn’t really let his friends tease you as much anymore- though, that mercy is short-lived as he solely focuses on you instead.

- after a bit, you graduate from school and go to college, seemingly now only focused on your studies. you don’t reach out to him, or any of his friends for that matter. from what he hears about you, you aren’t interested in getting in touch with anyone from your old school at all.

- this agitates him. he needs, he realizes, to be in your life somehow. perhaps he was a little too mean, he realizes, but surely you’ve gotten over it, right?

- he begins to stalk you, trying to figure out more about what you’re like now, needing to see more about you. he sees, with a sinking pit in his stomach of realization, how paranoid you are now. how scared you are of new people, how jumpy you are when other people surprise you. how resistant you are to make new friends.

- at first he’s in denial. it couldn’t have been him who made you that way, could it? something must have happened.

- but he realizes, over time, that how he treated you was very wrong. he thinks now about treating you like the way he once did . . . and he feels sick. how could he have taken his anger out, on someone like you?

- but despite that, he finds that he absolutely needs to know everything about you now. he can’t let you out of his sight, he has a desperate hunger to see everything he can about you.

- eventually he starts trying to contact you . . . to let you know just how sorry he is. he’ll make it known to you how much he desires your forgiveness, how much of a painful need it is for him. how much he’s changed, and how much he regrets hurting you.

- he lets you know that, if you what you want is revenge? he’s perfectly happy doing anything you want to any of his former “friends.” he can help you . . . and even help you hurt him, if that’s what you want. just so long as he can see you.

- you ignore his letters, dumping them in the trash without reading them. and a part of himself that he doesn’t want to admit still exists . . . is angry. can’t you see how much he needs your forgiveness now?

- despite knowing better, and knowing he’s only going further towards upsetting you once again . . . he still needs to see you, to write to you.

- he just can’t live without you.

#yandere x reader #yandere oc #male yandere #gender neutral reader #yandere oc x reader #yandere x you #yandere bully #i was going to let this sit and post it tommorrow but i forgot that tommorrow is a holiday LOL so here’s my gift. i’m posting this early

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fuckaperioddrama · 20 days

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Slytherin Boys Birth Chart Predictions

Warnings: Mentions of Rough Sex | Toxic Traits | Negative Parental Relationships | Some Sad Vibes. Emotional Struggles. | Let me know if I missed something.

Proofread, but there's always the possibility of mistakes.

Masterlist

Note: I already posted my predictions for Mattheo and Lorenzo's Birth Chart, but I'm still including them in this post. However, I did explain some things in their chart a little better/added some things. Very minor adjustments.

This will not include their signs in Pluto, Uranus, Saturn, Neptune, or Jupiter. I am willing to explain those signs as well if asked. Those placements deal more with life philosophies/spirituality and those aren't things I feel compelled to talk about in this post. I do have to explain Theo's Saturn sign at the end and since Saturn is determined by the year you were born you could fit that placement in with all of them. Depends on where you view them age-wise and generationally.

Some of them have the same placements so when I explain the traits of that placement I'm saying similar things in the other chart. In saying that, my explanation of why I think these placements fit them are all different despite having the same placements. This is because the way they portray their placements can vary based on the rest of their chart. I didn't want to summarize the traits for the next chart in case someone just wanted to look at one specific person and not all of them.

Rising Sign: Your Rising sign is how you project yourself onto others both physically and in your initial greeting.

Sun Sign: Your Sun sign is your core personality, the side you show most of the time.

Moon Sign: Your moon sign deals with your deepest and most raw emotions.

Mercury Sign: Your Mercury sign involves the way you communicate and think.

Venus Sign: Your Venus sign is how you love both platonically and romantically.

Mars Sign: Your Mars sign deals with sex and aggression.

Chart Ruler: You find your Chart Ruler by looking at your Rising sign. Find the planet that rules your Rising Sign. Let's say your Rising is in Cancer. Cancer is ruled by the Moon. Therefore, your Chart Ruler is whatever placement falls into your Moon sign. If you're a Virgo Moon, then your Chart Ruler is your Virgo Moon.

What's a Chart Ruler? The captain of the ship. The other placements help out and have a say now and then, but your Chart Ruler is the leader and the main decision-maker. This is important to know because someone with otherwise very kind placements might fail to show that if their Chart Ruler is the opposite.

Mattheo Riddle

Rising: Aries

Ruling Planet: Mars

Aries Risings are known to have sharper and more prominent noses as well as a sharp chin and jawline. These are physical traits I associate with Mattheo Riddle. Mattheo Riddle has passion and determination. These traits are associated with Mars. They have this innate desire to be free and go through life at their own will. They don't want to conform to the social norm and are often people who go through tasks head-on without seeking others for assistance. I believe Mattheo does give off this overall 'tough guy' act. Upon first meeting, you can tell he's very free and independent.

Sun: Scorpio

Ruling Planet: Mars

Scorpios are fiercely loyal which is a trait I’d associate with Mattheo. He would never betray his loved ones and he would never abandon them either. Scorpios are honest, determined, brave, and intuitive. Mattheo doesn’t shy from giving his opinion, he doesn’t back down from a challenge, and he gets what he wants. He pays attention to things around him and keeps a mental note of everything he notices. This is very Scorpio-like behavior. Scorpios are also jealous, possessive, controlling, emotional as fuck, manipulative, calculated, petty, resentful, and they make you jump through hoops for them to open up to you. But the second you mess up? Even once? You’re done. Cut off. Good luck ever getting them to open up again. I feel I don’t have to explain why these traits fit Mattheo.

Moon: Capricorn

Ruling Planet: Saturn

Capricorn Moons are naturally responsible, disciplined, and are very hard workers; but they get in their heads and struggle to show those traits. Capricorn Moons are happiest when they’re succeeding in life so if for some reason they believe they’re failing then they can become very troubled emotionally. I think this fits Mattheo so well. He's so smart and has so much potential, but he doesn't do anything with it. He knows he has no true direction or good purpose in his life (yet) and that knowledge can bring down his mental health. Capricorn Moons remain composed when truly threatened. While Mattheo’s anger is explosive, he becomes very stone-cold when something serious happens. A person with a Capricorn Moon also tends to have a poor relationship with their father. They might have felt a lot of pressure in their relationship and high expectations.

Mercury: Gemini

Ruling Planet: Mercury

These people are curious, social, and quick-witted. I think Mattheo is a very social person when he's in a good mood. He's super charismatic and articulate. Mattheo also has this natural curiosity. He's always doing something and doesn't shy away from an adventure. Someone with this placement can also have issues handling their anger and frequently in arguments will say incredibly hurtful things. They don't mean to or want to say these things, it's just in the heat of the moment. Mattheo's anger can be very explosive and unintentional; meaning he finds it hard to consider feelings other than his own.

Venus: Cancer

Ruling Planet: Moon

I know this is a very 'soft' placement. I think Mattheo is a very sweet person, he just carries a lot of unresolved trauma that covers all that up. Someone with a Venus in Cancer is very obvious about their loyalty. You just know they wouldn't abandon you. They're very nurturing and sensitive. Mattheo is fiercely loyal and even though he may not know how to show it, he does care a lot and he wants to help and take care of the people he loves. These placements can also be very clingy and I think Mattheo is a needy person even if he won't admit it. He would stick to his partner like glue and it would be a little overwhelming. A Cancer Venus can also be fiercely protective and extremely jealous.

Mars: Aries

Ruling Planet: Mars

These people are short-tempered, reckless, impatient, and so competitive. They can be such assholes and they tend to make a lot of mistakes because of how brash they can be. I just think this is very Mattheo. He does not think anything through when he's angry. He attacks first and asks questions later. These people are often very driven, confident, and can be very assertive. This can translate over to their sex life as well. Usually very dominant in the bedroom. Very high stamina. Hard and fast. Passionate. They love some good angry sex.

Chart Ruler: Mars

Mattheo's Chart Ruler is his Mars in Aries. I think this is important to know for Mattheo because he does try to get better, but that angry impulsiveness that comes from his Mars in Aries really shines through.

Blaise Zabini

Rising Sign: Taurus

Ruling Planet: Venus

Taurus risings are known to have a sturdy appearance, nice skin, and attractive facial features. Blaise fits these features in my mind. He's very attractive and presents as very put together. They're very practical and loyal people. I think Blaise has a laid-back nature, but he doesn't appear careless. He gives off this energy that's very straightforward and unwavering. Taurus Risings also appears very graceful and gentle. Blaise seems like someone whom you can approach. He gives off a very trustworthy aura.

Sun Sign: Sagittarius

Ruling Planet: Jupiter

Sagittarius Suns are very passionate people. They're very philosophical and they think and feel things deeply. Blaise is someone who is very outside of himself. He is not the center of the world, the world is his center. He thinks about everything and everyone. Sagittarius Suns are also very adventurous. While I see Blaise as someone who may not outwardly go to parties or big social events, he seems like the kind of guy who would want to see the world. This placement is also known to have an excellent sense of humor and I think Blaise is a naturally funny guy. Negatives? Brutally honest. They're not going to lie to you to make you feel better. They're impatient and very stuck in their ways. Their idea is the best. Also MAJOR commitment issues. IT'S SO CRAZY. A Sagittarius settling down????? And who fits these traits? Blaise.

Moon Sign: Virgo

Ruling Planet: Mercury

Virgo Moons are caring people. It's in their nature and they just want to be there for you. Very intuitive and somehow always know what people need. They mainly like to take care of people by doing things for them. Acts of Service. They have a very gentle nature and are very responsible. Not someone to lash out a whole bunch. Virgo Moons are also very judgmental and they're very bad at opening up when they're upset. They expect perfection, but instead of communicating what their idea of perfection is they just get angry that people can't figure it out on their own. This is very personal in how I specifically see Blaise. I think that he has such an idealistic view of not only himself but also his mother, that anyone who isn't like him or like his mommy just isn't as good as them. In saying that, Virgo Moons are also known to have had very good relationships with their mother. Their mom helped shape them into strong and determined people in terms of personal goals.

Mercury Sign: Pisces

Ruling Planet: Neptune

Those who have their Mercury in Pisces are very intuitive. They can have a deep understanding of the world and the people in it. However, they are very secretive when it comes to this. They're not outwardly trying to get to know you, they're just observing from afar. Blaise notices everything, but no one notices that he does. He doesn't seem like he's paying attention, but he is. These placements also daydream a lot. They might struggle to be practical or serious at times and tend to try to escape the reality around them. I think when Blaise is put under pressure he spaces out and goes into his world or tries to make a joke of the situation. Sometimes it can be really hard for him to stay focused and serious.

Venus Sign: Taurus

Ruling Planet: Venus

A Taurus Venus is very upfront with their feelings. They're honest in how they feel and they expect the same from their partner. This Venus sign also has Taurus which rules Venus meaning love comes easy to them. They can catch feelings very quickly. They're committed to their partner and they love to spoil them and themselves at the same time. Fancy restaurants, spa days, luxury vacations, etc. They want to enjoy the finer things in life and they want to enjoy it with others. They're more likely to get lavish gifts for their friends as well. Blaise's taste is more refined, he doesn't want to take his partner or friends to the club. He prefers more relaxed and 'high-class' activities. These signs can also be stubborn with their love. Since they know they know fall in love easily they tend to take a while to let people in just so that they know they're with someone they fully trust. A Taurus Venus can also have a hard time letting go. If they don't want the relationship to end they'll manipulate the other person into staying with them even if they try to leave. If the relationship becomes toxic they'll embrace it if it means not losing the person they love. Blaise would be careful who he lets in, but he struggles to let go if a relationship isn't good for him. He'll just keep going, even if it hurts him.

Mars Sign: Scorpio

Ruling Planet: Mars

Passionate and persistent. Having your Mars in Scorpio makes you a naturally dedicated person. These people have no problem working towards their personal goals. These placements also have a very hard time handling their anger. They let it fester inside of them until it comes out in petty arguments. Either that or they'll just completely ghost you. Sometimes Blaise struggles to communicate his feelings and would often rather avoid a situation than face it head first. A Scorpio Mars would rather sit in their anger than try to solve it. Sexually? Very passionate. They put their all into whatever they're doing and are extremely indulgent. They want to feel, touch, and enjoy the moment. This sign can go in different directions based on how they perform. Meaning this sign can be rough, soft, dom, sub, etc. You can figure that out through other elements in their chart. The sexual desire thing that comes from a Scorpio Mars is just wanting to enjoy it.

Chart Ruler: Venus

Blaise's Chart Ruler is his Venus in Taurus. This means he's driven by loyalty and love. He likes to take care of those to him, but since he has so much love to give he's very careful about who he lets into his life. He leads with his heart and is at more of a risk of heartbreak. It makes sense for him to be lead by love and compassion despite his trauma or tougher placements.

Draco Malfoy

Rising Sign: Leo

Ruling Planet: Sun

These placements have long and narrow noses followed by very expressive eyes. This part isn't true for every placement, but they typically have blonde hair. Very Draco Malfoy. These placements can be strong-minded and often make their intentions clear. There isn't a lot of guessing that comes from trying to figure out what these placements want, they'll usually tell you or show you outwardly. When they're at their best mentally they can be very generous and confident. They like to take care of people. However, if they're going through a tough time it's a complete switch. They don't care about anyone's feelings but their own. They don't care about remaining a good friend, partner, etc. They will let anyone and everyone down if it's in service of themselves. If they're in a bad mood then everyone is in a bad mood. Draco can be very sweet, but only if he's in the mood to be sweet.

Sun Sign: Gemini

Ruling Planet: Mercury

These people are very charming and witty at their core. They can charm a whole room of people and get them to do exactly what they want. They're highly intelligent and very communicative when it comes to their wants or desires. This goes in with his Rising and Draco overall being very indulgent when it comes to himself and allowing those to see into him. If he's jealous and/or wants to obtain something specific he is going to let everyone know. Very boastful. He wants to be seen succeeding. However, if need be they will hide their true intentions to get what they want. They will use you, manipulate you, and charm you to the highest extent if it'll help them achieve their goals both personally and socially. Draco likes to gloat, but he knows when it's time not to. He knows how to twist things. around to get others to do his bidding and make himself seem like someone whom you should be standing beside.

Moon Sign: Cancer

Ruling Planet: Moon

These placements are protective of the one they love. Very motherly people and will go to far lengths to make sure those they care about are safe. A Cancer Moon can also be super sensitive to things around them. They pick up on shifts in energy very quickly and seem to always know what is wrong. In my mind, Draco is someone who naturally takes care of those in his inner circle. Maybe not in the nicest way, but he still does it. These placements can also have a very hard time taking things too personally. If you hurt their feelings then whatever warmth they once had has been completely erased. It's very easy to offend them. They often will ignore logic and reasoning because they're too focused on their own feelings. Amazing relationships with their mothers. The relationship is filled with a lot of love and devotion, especially on their mom's part. Most likely coddled by their mother.

Mercury Sign: Leo

Ruling Planet: Sun

These signs are very passionate in the way they talk and think. Their voices aren't often monotone and they usually are expressive. They are very confident people because they hold their own opinion in the highest regard. Rejection might upset them, but it won't make them think less of themselves. The only time it will is if it's someone they look up to. Draco’s confidence is reflected on how he feels about himself and I think whenever he talks he commands a lot of attention. A Leo Mercury can be a huge drama queen. The most minuscule thing could happen to them and they are wailing and having a full-blown temper tantrum. They have a very commanding voice, which can be a bit of an annoyance when they're acting out. Draco Malfoy can be such a BABY!

Venus Sign: Taurus

Ruling Planet: Venus

A Taurus Venus is very open about what they expect from their partner. They can be very impatient and don't like to go after people who make them chase them. This placement falls in love very quickly, but won’t always show that. They like to keep their distance to protect themselves. Draco is very cautious when it comes to love. These placements like to spoil the people on their life as well as themselves. Draco likes to live in luxury and his inner circle would also see the benefits of that. Finest restaurants, best clothes, luxury items. Only the best for those they care about.

These placements are very stubborn in the way they love. They grab onto their partner and they don’t let go. Huge attachment issues and will not end the relationship. I think Draco wouldn’t leave someone he cared for, even if they were toxic towards him. He has this unwavering loyalty that can occasionally cause him pain.

Mars Sign: Libra

Ruling Planet: Venus

Having your Mars in Libra can be very hard. Venus is the opposite of Mars and Libras feel this natural need to conform whereas Mars as a whole is all about freedom. This makes someone with a Libra Mars very easy to manipulate. They're not going to fight back, they're going to conform. This placement can also be very secretive and reckless. They're more likely to be unfaithful to their partner or lie to them in some way. They won't feel bad about it because they're extremely arrogant. Draco is very confident and he doesn't let just anyone boss him around. Although, if there is someone who is important to Draco or carries a lot of influence in his life he's not going to stand up to them. He will conform and he'll do whatever task they ask of him, regardless of whether it'll make him a bad person or go against what he wants. However, these placements can also be very romantic and charming. They can easily capture someone's heart if they try to. Very passionate lovers. They like to please their partner and will often let the needs of their partner take charge of whatever they're doing. (i.e. adaptable. rough when they need to be. soft when they need to be. sub/dom when they need to be. Yes, I think Draco is a switch.)

Chart Ruler: Sun

Draco's Chart Ruler is his Sun in Gemini. I think although he has a lot of rather emotional placements, his Gemini Sun can really shine through in helping him stay composed until he's able to break down in his own time. This applies mainly to his deeper emotions.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Rising: Virgo

Ruling Planet: Mercury

They usually have straight noses, prominent cheekbones, and an overall angelic-looking face. Lorenzo Berkshire. Virgo Risings possesses a sharp mind and can pick up on things quickly. I think Enzo is very smart and when he doesn't know something it doesn't take him long to figure it out. They're very aware of their surroundings and the people around them. Enzo can be a little aloof, but I feel like that's only when he's around trusted people. He's not like that right away. Virgo Risings can also be very caring when they want to be and I think Enzo is an asshole, but he still cares for the people he loves at the same time. Virgo Risings are the definition of the 'nice asshole.'

Sun: Aquarius

Ruling Planet: Uranus

An Aquarius Sun is very clever, honest in their opinion, and very confident. They like to push boundaries. I think Enzo has this constant thirst to be different. He wants to emphasize his individuality. He's not some random person in the halls, he's Lorenzo Berkshire. He's confident in his abilities and he's not afraid to say it or show it. He doesn't believe in blending in. This placement also has a major God complex. They become irritated when someone goes against them and sometimes they'll just completely blow them off and disregard their feelings. I think Enzo is the type of guy to do this. These placements can also come across as very detached. They like to be entertained in their conversations. If you're boring them then they don't want to talk to you. Enzo doesn't try to spare people's feelings if he's not interested in them.

Moon: Gemini

Ruling Planet: Mercury

A Gemini Moon thrives in social settings and they can be very chatty. They have this natural humor that captures a crowd. I think Enzo does have this charming side of him that shows through a lot. Gemini Moons exceed in making themselves the most sought-after person in the room. They talk to you in a way that makes you feel desired and lucky that they're even talking to you. Gemini Moons are also very fake. I know that's an annoying Gemini stigma, but it's true. They say what they need to say to get what they want or please who they want. Enzo is a very manipulative person. A lot of his charm comes out when he wants to use it to his advantage. They can be very indecisive, inconsistent, stubborn, and moody. Sometimes Enzo can be a little all over the place. He says something one day and then another thing completely different the next. It all depends on how feels that day. He's super stubborn and overall he's a pretty emotional guy which is very like an Aquarius Moon. This placement has a complicated relationship with their mother. They might have felt they were very busy and sporadic, never really focused on being a mother and more on other tasks.

Mercury: Leo

Ruling Planet: Sun

A Leo Mercury knows how to work a crowd. They’re very expressive and passionate people. They’re bold and yet refined. I think Enzo can be very passionate and yet sophisticated in his speech. He just has a voice that commands your attention and he’s able to make you believe anything he says. He always sounds like he knows best. He sounds believable. People with these placements can also be very arrogant and self-centered. They tend to completely disregard other's feelings and can be huge drama queens. Enzo can get into his head and not think of anyone else around him a lot of the time. He gets overly emotional and creates this whole victim complex that he's not afraid to share with others if it's to his benefit.

Venus: Aries

Ruling Planet: Mars

An Aries Venus is all about the chase. They like the feeling of pursuing someone, but they can get easily bored once actually in a relationship. They need someone who consistently excites them. They’re furthermore very blunt when it comes to expressing their desire. Huge flirts. This placement is a hopeless romantic and they fall in love very quickly, but don’t get too excited because they’re in love with five other people too, and the next day? They’ve already moved on. It’s like you never existed. They won’t even look at you. Enzo is definitely like this. I feel like he obsesses over a new person every five minutes. It’s the same with friendships. They need someone who excites them. They usually befriend interesting or dynamic people. They'll go through friendships so easily if the person begins to bore them. Once they do start to genuinely let someone into their life completely? You’re not leaving. These signs lock you down and they WILL go after anyone and everyone who tries to take you away. Lots of jealousy. Remarkably loyal and will do anything and everything for you.

Mars: Sagittarius

Ruling Planet: Jupiter

Mars in Sagittarius is super passionate and yet indifferent at the same time. They have this list of stuff that they really care about and if it’s not on that list then it doesn’t matter to them. I think Enzo can be very aggressive if someone pisses him off and some things will immediately set him off. Sometimes he can be selective on who he allows to make him angry. He doesn’t take disrespect, but he doesn't let himself give that person strong reactions. He saves that for the serious stuff, a lot of his anger comes off as very cold and detached. I mentioned this in my headcanons, but I think Enzo recognizes that there’s power in being able to upset someone. So with this Mars placement, he’s able to step outside of himself and remains composed so that he’s able to maintain his power. Once again though, if it’s something he truly cares about then it’s explosive. He gets so angry and is very quick-tempered when it comes to the stuff on his list. Sexually? They’re very direct. They tell you what they want and what they want to do. They like exciting sex and aren’t very vanilla at all. Can be MAJOR freaks.

Chart Ruler: Mercury

Enzo's Chart Ruler is his Mercury in Leo. This makes sense for Enzo because he's naturally very charming, alluring, and expressive. He has placements that can be major red flags, but he's able to hide that just through the way he communicates with people. He can talk his way out of anything.

Tom Riddle

Rising Sign: Gemini

Ruling Planet: Mercury

Gemini Risings' are often characterized as being very tall and slender. They're graceful in the way they move and express themselves. This is how I imagine Tom to be. They are very articulate and have a special talent for language. They can pick up on any language very quickly. (Parseltongue) A Gemini Rising is naturally very charming and cunning. They can make a lie sound believable to anyone. You do not want to get on this person's bad side because they will find a way to ruin your life without you even realizing it until it's too late. No one would ever believe you over them. Tom is SO manipulative. This fits him. A Gemini Rising will tend to go through many physical changes during their lifetime and alter their image on numerous occasions. Constantly evolving. 👀

Sun Sign: Capricorn

Ruling Planet: Saturn

These placements are extremely hard workers. They're very ambitious and disciplined; however, they can have a hard time being this way if it's something they don't want to do. They don't want to work hard at something they don't care about. I think Tom works hard, but there’s absolutely no way he’s putting ANY effort into something he doesn’t care about. Not unless doing so will benefit him in some way. These signs are perfectionist and because of that, they can be very negative people. If something isn't exactly how they want it to be then it's really hard to make them happy. Almost impossible. A Capricorn Sun is also extremely loyal, but it takes a while to that point. They don't open up easily, but once they do? Till death do you part.

Moon Sign: Scorpio

Ruling Planet: Mars

A Scorpio Moon has a scary amount of intuition. They know everything and the most terrifying part is that you don't even know how they know everything. Tom is terrifying because he knows everything. He can se into peoples minds and figure out their true intentions. Scorpio Moons are one of the hardest workers. They are determined and do whatever they need to do to get the job done. Whatever they need to do. Very Tom Riddle.

These placements are very passionate. Some would say too passionate. They love deep and hate deeper. Everything they feel is heightened. Very addictive personality and are prone to obsess over everything.

Scorpio Moons have a complicated relationship with their mother. They might reject the notion that they have any sort of feelings towards their mother, but that's not always true. Growing up they might have felt as if their mother was never there for them and that can fester into resentment or anger. Tom pretends not to care about his mom and he pretends to hate her, but really he’s just angry that she didn’t stick around for him.

Mercury Sign: Taurus

Ruling Planet: Venus

Taurus Mercuries are very direct and forward in their way of doing things and how they achieve them. They can be very reliable people when given a task, never failing to accomplish anything they set their mind to. If Tom says he's going to do something then he's going to do it. There aren't any questions about his ability to perform any task he puts his mind to. Tom is someone who is very blunt and direct. This is a very stubborn placement. They do not like to listen to the opinions of others and can react VERY harshly when challenged. A Taurus Venus will often obsess over their social standing. They aren't comfortable being in subordinate positions. They want fame, power, and control. Tom isn't just anyone else and he will stop at nothing to achieve the recognition he believes he deserves.

Venus Sign: Virgo

Ruling Planet: Mercury

Someone with a Virgo Venus can be a very devoted partner. They're very detail-oriented in their relationship and like to make sure everything is perfect. When they do something for their partner they will take preventative measures to make sure everything goes according to plan. These placements are also extremely picky. They have this vision in their head of who their perfect partner is supposed to be and they will not settle for anything less. These placements are comfortable being alone. and would never spend time with someone if they didn't want to. Tom has high standards; not just with his partners, but also with his companionships. He will not settle for less than he deserves and he has no problem expressing that.

Mars Sign: Scorpio

Ruling Planet: Mars

Passionate and persistent. Having your Mars in Scorpio makes you a naturally dedicated person. These people have no problem working towards their personal goals. Scorpios are arguably one of the most hard-working signs in the Zodiac and this shines through with Tom. Most of his passion goes into achieving his goals. These placements have a very hard time handling their anger. They let it fester inside of them until it comes out suddenly and they have no problem cutting people off. They won't say anything. They'll just leave. Tom would not stay with someone who consistently challenged or upset him. Sexually very passionate. They put their all into whatever they're doing and are extremely indulgent. They want to feel, touch, and enjoy the moment. There are certain elements of sex that Tom needs to enjoy to be satisfied. He likes pushing his sexual partner to their limits and he likes having control. He needs to experience that. Indulge in it.

Chart Ruler: Mercury

Tom's chart Ruler is his Mercury in Taurus. I think this makes a lot of sense as his main focus and drive are shown through the way he talks and thinks. Also going back to people with that placement wanting to be at the top. Tom is driven by his desire to rule the world. That comes before all else.

Theodore Nott

Rising Sign: Capricorn

Ruling Planet: Saturn

Capricorn Risings usually have a strong bone structure. This shows mainly in their jawline and cheekbones. Their eyes are intense and piercing, making them have a more serious and intimidating look. I would say this matches up pretty well with Theo. This placement thrives in workplace or academic settings and this is something I think fits Theo. He's very smart and he does best in settings where he's able to show that off. Very quick-witted and have a rebuttal for any argument thrown at them. A Capricorn Rising can be a little difficult to approach because of how strong their energy is. They appear very stoic in their initial meetings. They are not someone who shows their emotions, oftentimes remaining very cold towards others. They don't smile or laugh often. It's usually very random and you'll have to pay very close attention to them to catch any sort of shift in their mood.

Sun Sign: Taurus

Ruling Planet: Venus

Someone with their Sun in Taurus can often be seen as very serious. They're very serious and determined and do not joke around when it comes to things they want. Sometimes they can seem very detached, but that's because of their talent for separating their emotions. They're able to compartmentalize to get things done and often don't show their frustrations until they want to. If they want to. Taurus's are also very goofy. It comes across as a bit of a shock because of how serious they are and they somehow manage to look composed even when doing something crazy. They have this very unexpected humor. Theo does have a very serious and detached nature, but he's very funny and does possess the ability to let loose and be crazy. He just doesn't feel the need to show that side to everyone. A Taurus ALWAYS has to be right. It doesn't matter if they know they're wrong because they'll never admit to it. They're very jealous and possessive. They can be very lazy and extremely aggressive. It's not always explosive aggression, but it is always very scary. Very Theo-like behavior.

Moon Sign: Scorpio

Ruling Planet: Mars

A Scorpio Moon is very intuitive. They notice things about people that no one else can pick up on. Theo likes to sit back and watch. He watches how people react to things and how things unfold. Due to this, he is very good at being able to read people. People with this placement are determined and will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. Theodore Nott does not back down. Once he decides he wants something he goes for it. These placements also experience every feeling with great passion. This has its positive and negative traits. It's easy for them to obsess over their feelings. They go from 0-100. They either care way too much or not at all. They struggle to find that healthy balance. Theo is very passionate about what he loves and hates. Once he cares, he jumps fully in. Scorpio Moons have a complicated relationship with their mother. They might reject the notion that they have any sort of feelings towards their mother, but that's not always true. Growing up they might have felt as if their mother was never there for them and that can fester into resentment or anger. I think Theo resents his mother for dying and leaving him. He knows it's irrational, but he can't help it.

Mercury Sign: Aries

Ruling Planet: Mars

Someone with this placement is a very good problem solver. They're extremely innovative and can always figure out a solution. I see Theo as someone who has this natural leadership. He's a good decision-maker and can think of new ways to do things. Very good at thinking outside the box. These placements can also be very argumentative and blunt. They won't shy from speaking up or defending themselves against someone. They have a really hard time holding their tongue when challenged. Theo might be quiet, but he is not someone to be messed with. The second someone steps out of line he will, without hesitation, put them in their place and he will do it in the harshest way possible.

Venus Sign: Leo

Ruling Planet: Sun

A Leo Venus is very expressive in their love and often doesn't feel the need to hide their partnerships. Both platonically and romantically, they take a lot of pride in who they surround themselves with. They have good intentions and are very meticulous with what they give to show their love. They put a lot of thought into their actions. When they're in love they are fully dedicated. They prefer to take the lead in the relationship and enjoy spoiling their partners both materially and with their affection. Theo likes to take care of his partners and show them off. Gifts, making out in public, he doesn't care. His only concern is giving his partner some love. Those with Venus in Leo can also be very vain and can sometimes only consider their personal feelings. They are extremely jealous and possessive and will act out when they feel as if someone is trying to take their partner or if they feel as though their partner isn't paying enough attention to them. They'll blow things way out of proportion and create a lot of drama. Theo.

Mars Sign: Aquarius

Ruling Planet: Uranus

Aquarius Mars is a detached placement that doesn't typically get too fired up. However, they do not like to feel challenged. They have very powerful minds and strongly value their freedom. They're very original thinkers, often not seeing things the way others do. They rebel against what's expected of them and enjoy staying a mystery. They don't want people to guess their next move. Theo does not like being tied down. He wants his freedom and he wants to remain someone that people want but are never able to get. These placements feel invincible. They will do whatever they want and say whatever they want because they think there will be no consequences. Once you challenge that they will either completely lash out or full-on ignore you. It's very hard for them to see past their ego to maintain peace. An Aquarius Mars needs mental stimulation during sex. It isn't just about touching, they need to hear every moan, whimper, and plea to get turned on too. They like to pleasure their partner because they like to know they're doing a good job. Big on dirty talk and being praised.

Little Explanation

Saturn: Your Saturn sign reflects your sense of responsibility as well as your limitations and fears.

Saturn is Generational. Let's go back to the books. Harry Potter was born in 1980. Theodore Nott was in the same year as Harry Potter and is projected to have been born between 1979 - 1980.

From July 26th, 1978 - September 21st, 1980, Saturn Was in Virgo. This means the people born in that time have their Saturn Placement in Virgo.

Someone with their Saturn in Virgo is very crafty. They can take nothing and still find a way to achieve exactly what they need. However, this placement needs a lot of encouragement. They are their own worst critics and think nothing they do is ever good enough.

Chart Ruler: Saturn

Theo's Chart Ruler is his Saturn in Virgo and this makes a lot of sense because although he does have a lot of confident placements, he struggles to see past his insecurities. He can't always see how good he is.

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sxcret-garden · 6 days

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2nd Desire ღ Tie Me Down [M]

ღ Aspects of Desire series ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ feat.: Yeosang ღ words: ~5.1k ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, sub!reader, reader masturbating and asking to be punished for it, reader’s hands tied together, he’s a bit mean but goes soft dom when reader shows signs of discomfort, strength kink, fingering, some body worship, teasing, begging, unprotected sex) ღ warnings: (him running his hand through reader’s hair)

Desc.: Lost in your excitement over the recent development in your relationship with your boyfriend Jongho, you try to tickle more of his dominant side out of him. When he shuts down that attempt with only the best of intentions, he makes sure you won’t stay flustered by your miscalculation for long.

Author's note: chapter 2 and I'm STILL nervous about posting kasjdfölksa I hope you guys enjoy though~ alsoalso I decided to do a taglist for this fic, so if you want to be added, just drop me an ask about it <3

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You drop your bag beside the entrance as you walk into Jongho’s apartment, the little melody resounding when the door falls into its lock that’s usually just another background noise to you manages to annoy you on this day. It’s only half past 4, yet you feel like you’ve been awake for more than 20 hours.

You slip out of your shoes and step inside, the sofa in the living room being your destination. With a groan you let your body flop down onto it, the cushioned surface softening the impact. You’ve been at university since morning, your first class of the day being quite an interesting one and almost making you forget about the dreadful events that would follow suit. For lunch you met up with other students from your major to work on your group project, and these people really remind you time and time again why you absolutely hate group projects. You’re a group of seven, yet somehow the only ones taking the whole thing seriously are you and Yeosang, a guy you’ve done a course with before and who you luckily ended up being in the same group with. You know from back then that he does his work diligently enough - what you didn’t know was how badly the other five would do. One of them ran late, claiming he was convinced the meeting would start at 2 and not at half past 1, one of them didn’t show up at all, the others half-assed their parts and one girl only did half of what she was supposed to do. It’s a mess, and it’s stressing you out, because you’re getting a shared group grade for the paper. If you were being graded individually, you would’ve already decided to just do well on your own part, and make sure to precisely document who worked how much, but since you can’t exactly do that here it eventually came to the point where you decided it would be better if you took over the lead. As the person who has assigned herself the role of scolding the others into doing their work properly, you didn’t exactly gain their sympathy, but thankfully Yeosang was right there to have your back. Sharing their disdain was still better than having to shoulder it all alone, so you made a mental note to thank him with a cup of coffee or a meal later on.

But for now you want nothing more than to get this stupid project out of your mind, and lying motionlessly on the sofa and staring at a wall without any kind of distraction from your angry thoughts running wild isn’t exactly the best way to go about that. So you get up with a heavy sigh, peeking into your boyfriend’s room through the gap in the door standing ajar, before walking inside. He isn’t home yet - you assume he must be on his way, because his last class of the day should’ve ended about 10 minutes ago. Walking over to his closet, you open the side where he made space for some of your clothes, and you grab some comfortable pants and a t-shirt you haven’t worn in a while. There’s the logo of a game printed at the front - coincidentally a game you both used to play when you were still in school, and one of the topics you bonded over as you were slowly becoming closer.

You trod over to the bathroom, figuring you should take a shower in an attempt to clear your mind first of all - maybe you could magically find a way to wash off all the frustration the day has drenched you in. Either way, at least the warm water raining down on your skin has a calming effect on you, and so for a few minutes you merely stand there, doing nothing. You reach for the soap eventually, and as you’re cleaning yourself your thoughts slowly drift elsewhere.

Until you remember the conversation you had with Jongho about establishing a different kind of dynamic between you two. Your fingers dance up your body to your throat, and padding them onto your pulse reminds you of what it felt like to have his hand in this position instead. The thoughts of the project are quickly forgotten, yet your cells have not quite let go of the frustration yet - but that’s nothing a quick orgasm couldn’t take care of, right?

So you let your hands wander, allowing them to map out your own body wherever instinct leads them, and as your fingers find your core, you let out a long sigh. This feels like just what you need right now, so you don’t hold back, beginning to draw circles onto your sensitive bud. Feeling your limbs relax from the sensation, you lean your back against the wall, and eventually you reach out for the shower head, changing the setting to the highest pressure and letting it do the work for you.

You don’t think of much at all, simply enjoying the pleasure coursing through your body, until you can sense yourself coming closer to the edge, and you buck your hips up against the water jet.

“Fuck…” you whimper, as a scenario crosses your mind. “What if he finds out…” You gulp at the thought of Jongho figuring out you got off without him, in his apartment, and your mind begins to wander as you fantasize about all the ways in which he might punish you for it. Another curse escapes you through gritted teeth, and soon you feel your high crashing down on you, walls clenching around nothing as his name falls from your lips.

You step out of the shower feeling refreshed, purposely not changing back the setting of the shower head. You want him to catch you, want to know about all the things he would do to you that you haven’t seen him do before. Slipping into fresh clothes and wrapping a towel around your head to let your hair dry a bit before finishing the process with a blow dryer, you grin to yourself and you walk out into the living room.

Your boyfriend comes home about half an hour later, just as you’re putting the blow dryer back to its original place in one of the cabinets in his bathroom. You suppress the excited grin that just won’t leave your lips, and instead greet him as per usual.

“You’re late,” you remark as you catch sight of the time displayed on your phone screen.

“Yeah, the subway was crowded. Should’ve taken the bus,” he mutters as he walks up to you, his hand patting your head in a gesture that’s supposed to say “I’m home.”

“Right, it’s starting to get bad at this time,” you continue your small talk.

“How did your meet-up go?”

“Don’t ask…” you brush it off quickly, hoping to ward off the stress creeping up to you again upon him mentioning it.

“That bad?” Jongho asks as he lets out a short laugh while he furrows his eyebrows, telling you he feels at least a little sorry for you.

“Yeah.” You roll your eyes. “And you? How was your day?”

“Don’t ask,” he answers, and now you’re the one chuckling. “I’ll go wash up real quick, and I think I’ll need some time to decompress afterwards.”

“Sure,” you mutter, before reaching up from where you’ve made yourself comfortable on the edge of the sofa, hand snaking behind his neck so you could pull him in for a quick peck on the lips.

And so he disappears in the bathroom, you hear him turning on the water and you hear him turning it off again after a while, and with every passing second, the excitement for what’s to come is only growing. Except when he’s done, he simply informs you he’s going to game for a bit, and then he walks into his room. You’re confused to say the least, and a bit disappointed as well. This is not going according to the plan you had in mind, and you wonder if it’s just because he’s had a bad day or if maybe he just isn’t in the mood today. Trying to brush it off, you grab a book you started a while ago, staying out in the living room as you attempt to read a chapter or two, but somehow your mind just won’t let you focus on the story unfolding on the pages in front of you. So eventually you get up, deciding to sneakily follow him instead - you’re not sure why you’re being so secretive all of a sudden.

Your boyfriend is certainly good at reading the room, and it’s helped you leave behind your own awkwardness more than once. So today as well you decide to simply sit at the edge of his bed and watch him play his game, hoping for him to notice something’s off as you’re trying to find the right words to say. And without doubt, he doesn’t disappoint.

“What’s with you?” he asks in between rounds, his voice soft in contrast to the serious stance he tends to take on while playing his games.

“Just…” you’re not sure how to start, how much to hint at what you want - you sure as hell aren’t thinking of just saying it straightforwardly, now that you’re beginning to feel a bit embarrassed about it.

“Hmm?” He drags out the sound a bit, then the image on his screen changes, and he adds, “Let me finish this and then we can talk?”

“Alright.” You’re suddenly more anxious than you would’ve expected yourself to be as you watch, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt the entire time. The time spent waiting for him to turn his attention to you feels like half an eternity, even though once he’s done you’re sure it can’t have been more than five minutes. He exits the game to the main menu, and as he takes off his headset, he turns to you in his chair.

“What is it?” You see worry on his face, and you immediately feel the need to let him know it’s nothing serious, really.

“Nothing bad!” you say.

“That’s good,” Jongho answers, relief behind his words.

“Just… didn’t you… notice anything?” You rub your legs together as you avert your gaze from him, but even in the corner of your eye you can tell he’s thinking hard about your question now.

“Notice anything?” he repeats, and then suddenly his eyes narrow, and there’s an amused smile about to creep onto his lips. “Like what?” At this point you’d have sworn you could see the exact moment the dots connected in his head, so his question throws you off a little.

“Like… uhm… I showered earlier.”

“Good,” he chuckles, and you press yourself on to continue.

“And uh…. maybe got off…”

“Oh. That’s nice,” he replies, and once again you’re thrown off, this time by the way the tension in the room drops right away, and he’s now showing you a genuine smile. “Why are you telling me about that though? Want me to come watch next time?” He tries to throw in a joke, but the confusion radiating off you makes him think again, and well, now you’re sure he understands what you’re trying to get at, because he raises up his chin just a little, giving you that look that’s supposed to say “I found you out.”

“Were you maybe thinking I would punish you for that?” he assumes correctly, and you nod, heat rushing to your face now.

“Yes…” Jongho laughs. It’s more of a giggle, actually, and the amusement in his expression only adds to your confusion. And then he becomes serious, though his features keep their softness.

“Look… I’m sorry to disappoint you but… I’m not going to do anything we haven’t discussed beforehand,” he explains, making sure to be clear about his thoughts. “My first impulse isn’t to punish you for masturbating. But if you want me to, we can talk about it.”

“O-okay,” you stammer, and once again there’s this endearing smile on his face, spreading from ear to ear. You know it’s meant to reassure you, but right now all you can focus on is the embarrassment burning in your chest from making such a severe miscalculation. This isn’t how things go in real life, of course it isn’t. You should know that, and yet-

“Hey,” he calls out to you, hand reaching for yours, giving you a squeeze to tear you out of your thoughts. “Let’s talk about it.”

He’s also good at that - saying the right thing at the right moment. Or at least he tends to say the things you need to hear in moments like this, and once again you feel unmistakably that you’re safe with him, and that you’re in this together.

“Okay.”

“So…” letting go of your hand, he leans back in his chair, one leg crossed over the other, and you feel the dynamic shift ever so slightly as he won’t divert his eyes from you. “What kind of punishment were you thinking of?” You raise your eyebrows, and you begin to ponder on his question, but somehow your head is suddenly empty.

“I… don’t know…” you admit, and he grins at your words again.

“You didn’t think about what you want me to do to you now?”

“I mean… I did… but more… in a general sense,” you stammer.

“Like what?”

“Like… you fucking me…” And there it is again, that laugh that’s really more of a giggle than an actual laugh.

“You didn’t think about what comes before that?”

“Not… really?” you admit, and he clears his throat.

“Then how about I tell you what came to mind for me, and you tell me if that sounds okay to you?” You nod okay, and he continues, “So what I was thinking is that I could restrict you in some way… putting you in handcuffs maybe, or blindfolding you.”

“I don’t think I’m okay with the blindfolding,” you respond. “Handcuffs sounds… nice though.”

“See? This is just why I didn’t want us to rush into this,” your partner says. ��Because if we move too fast, misconceptions about what the other wants, or just about how this whole thing works are bound to go unnoticed.”

“You’re right,” you agree, being able to see where you went wrong with your assumptions clear as day now. “Then… let’s take it slow. Talk before we do stuff.” An awkward laugh escapes you as you’re speaking those words, because after all you were the one trying to rush into this, and now you can’t help but feel thankful that he stopped you just in time.

“So…” Jongho gets up from his chair, walking over to his closet and rummaging through one of the shelves, pulling out a dark red tie. “I think this is gonna look pretty on you. That okay?” You nod, merely watching as he walks over to you, and when he tells you to take off your clothes first of all, you don’t hesitate. Placing yourself on top of the bed, kneeling in the middle of it, he sits in front of you, and you hold out your hands for him to tie them together. “Not too tight?”

“No, it’s fine,” you answer, the soft texture of the fabric feeling quite good around your wrists, actually.

“I don’t have actual handcuffs, unfortunately…” he explains as he checks the knot one more time, and then he lifts one of his hands to run his fingers through your hair, eyeing you thoroughly. There’s a serious expression on his face now, he’s concentrated as he lets his fingertips brush against the side of your throat, but the way he allows for a smirk to creep onto his lips when you instinctively lean your head back to give him access tells you he’s very much having fun with this.

“You really like that, huh?” he mutters, wrapping his hand loosely around your throat, the warmth of his touch alone causing your heart to beat faster.

“Yeah…” you mouth, and to your disdain he moves on. His fingers draw imaginary trails down your body, moving slowly and deliberately, and his eyes follow their every move.

“So beautiful… too bad I’m gonna have to wreck you.” He speaks silently, and whether it’s because of the tone in his voice or his words you don’t know, but it’s giving you shivers all over and you gulp. His hand eventually finds its way to your side, snuggly fitting into the space between your waist and your arm, and he leans in to brush his lips against yours. It’s a short kiss, yet he lingers there for a few seconds before pulling back merely a few inches - the kind of kiss that’s meant to make you want more. “Want me to punish you, hm? Then, what if I push you a bit? Be a little less nice than usual and not give you everything you want right away.” You suck in a sharp breath at his words. “You’d like that?”

“Y-yeah,” you say, tension building up. You’re not sure what exactly he has planned, but you know he wouldn’t push you too far… right? He wraps the fingers of his free hand around your wrists, and as he brings them up above your head he pushes you back into the mattress, carefully, gently. And yet you don’t miss the dangerous glint in his eyes as he’s now gazing down on you, hovering above you as he pins you against the bed. Lowering his head, he makes you mewl as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, teeth grazing your skin as he scatters a few nips here and there.

“What’s your color, dear?”

“Green… very green,” you sigh, feeling his weight on top of your chest.

“That’s good,” he speaks quietly as he comes back up, his face now being right in front of you and the tips of your noses touching for one short moment. You think he’s going to kiss you, but then he sits up instead, letting go of you to rid himself of his shirt. With every movement of his you can see the outlines of his muscles working underneath the skin, and the urge to touch him, to run your nails down his chest and his stomach, makes you bring your hands up. For a moment you forget that they’re tied together, and you frown at the restraint, and before you can do anything more, your boyfriend is quick to click his tongue at you as he reaches for your hands and pins them back down above your head.

“Wanna touch me so bad, hm?” he assumes correctly, and then he adds, moving closer to your ear, whispering sharply, “No touching unless I allow it.”

“O-okay,” you mutter. You can unmistakably feel the power he has over you now, both in the way you don’t have the strength to free yourself from his physical restraint, and in the way you feel yourself immediately submitting to his verbal restraint.

“Stay like this,” he then says and you nod as he sits back up. This time he lets his palms run down your upper body once as he kneels on top of you, going over to dragging his nails down your skin once he reaches your hips and doing the exact thing you would’ve craved to do to him. But you obey, waiting patiently for his next move. “So pretty…” he mutters, his intense gaze burning on your skin, and after having his hands wandering all the way back up, he leans in to leave a trail of kisses down the valley of your breasts. And again there’s this urge to move your hands, to throw your arms around his shoulders as his lips are mapping out your features, but you can’t. You shouldn’t, and so you resist.

He kisses his way down your stomach, biting your flesh here and there without applying too much pressure, and the way he’s taking his time with it doesn’t help your case as you’re having an internal battle against your own impatience. Rubbing your thighs together as he’s hovering just above your core and he’s touching you everywhere but where you need him the most, you reach your breaking point.

“Jongho…” you call out his name. “Please.” He merely chuckles at your plea, not even looking up at you now.

“What?” His voice is low, quiet. Calmness radiates off of him, like he knows that he has all the time in the world for this.

“T-touch me please…” you mewl.

“Hmm,” he makes a noise as he appears to be thinking about your request. “But do you deserve that?” You let out a whine at his question, and you frown when he crawls all the way back up, only to press a teasing kiss to your lips. “Do you deserve my touch when clearly you decided that you can also just do the job yourself?” He moves up further, his lips brushing against your wrists just below where he tied them together, and then against the knuckles on your fingers. “Can’t get yourself off now, can you?” He places his hand over yours, pushing your wrists into the fluffy blanket as if to put an emphasis on his words.

“Please…” you start another attempt at getting him to do what you want, but he merely sends you a smirk.

“You’re choosing the shower head over me and now you think I’ll give you what you want so easily? That’s naive.” You frown, and you pout up at him, and for a second his features soften, before he moves his hand from your wrists to your chin, tilting it up slightly. Then he places a kiss onto your jaw, and he asks, “Color?”

“Green…” You idiot - you add in your mind, and when he comes back up to get a good look at your face, you can undeniably see the amusement on his face.

“Didn’t think you’d like being treated like this so much,” Jongho comments, and then he lets his hand wander from your chin down to your lower stomach. “Really makes me want to do this all day.” Fuck. You gulp at his words, thighs pressing together just as he slips a finger in between, dragging it up your folds once, and you don’t expect a singular touch to affect you this much, but you find yourself arching your back as you moan in response anyway.

“Relax,” he says, tapping your thigh once, and you do, spreading your legs apart just a little to give him better access. He doesn’t hesitate to make use of that, watching for even the tiniest of reactions as he gathers your juices on his fingertip, moving it back up and making you whimper as he begins drawing circles onto your clit. You buck your hips into his hand once, causing him to sit up so he could use his other hand to press them back down, immobilizing you. “So needy…” he breathes as he continues on, watching you, and granting you a few teasing touches to your wet pussy. He slips a finger inside, drawing another moan from your lips, and when he adds a second one, pumping them in and out of you at an unhurried pace, you think you could cum on the spot. And he notices the way he’s affecting you, because now he asks you with a cocky smirk on his face that bodes no good whatsoever,

“You like that?” You nod, whimpering, and when he pulls out, the feeling of deprivation that overcomes you makes you whine with anger - though you don’t sound nearly as angry as you would’ve liked. “Too bad.”

“Keep going, please…!” you try to beg, and it seems to strike something deep within him, because now he raises his eyebrows at you, listening intently.

“What was that?”

“K-keep going… please… please…” you add, the desperation in your voice being obvious. “Don’t stop now… w-wanna cum on your fingers…”

“I’m sure you do, dear,” he whispers, leaning in to place a soothing kiss onto your tummy, but it just makes you more furious.

“Please!” you cry out, balancing on the edge between pleasure and frustration, and you know that you wouldn’t want him to push you any further. For a second you wonder whether you should tell him, ask him to go easier on you even though you were the one who wanted him to punish you so badly. But he seems to notice your inner conflict, and his smirk softens into a benevolent smile as he brushes his lips against the inside of your thigh now.

“Is that where the line is?” he asks, and you hesitantly nod. He comes up to comb his fingers through your hair, brushing away a strand that’s sticking to your forehead. “Then let’s not take it any further than this, okay?”

“Yeah.” He cups your face with his hand, thumb brushing against your lips, and he questions,

“What do you want me to do, love?”

“Fuck me… please…” you say with furrowed brows, and he chuckles at the sight in front of him. Caressing your cheek as he slowly takes his hand away in order to rid himself of the remainder of his clothes, he retorts,

“I can’t believe someone could say something so dirty with such an innocent expression on their face.” And now that you’re becoming aware of what you must look like right now, you find it funny too, and you let out a short laugh.

Your boyfriend places himself on top of you, one hand wrapping around his length in order to give himself a few strokes until he’s fully hard, while he has the other placed next to your head to support his weight on top of it. “Wanna hold onto me? Or…” You shake your head. “Want me to pin you down?” Adrenaline rushes through your veins, making you tingle all over from the thought of it, and you nod. Again, he seems amused by your reaction. “After all that you still want me to manhandle you, huh?” Him saying it out loud fills you with bashfulness all of a sudden, and still you feel the need to confirm that he’s right.

“Yes… please,” you mutter. He positions himself in between your legs, aligning himself with your core.

“You good?” he asks, and when you give him the okay he pushes into you.

“Fuck…” The feeling of having him finally filling you up makes you hiss a curse as you’re throwing your head back from the overwhelming satisfaction. Jongho reaches for your wrists, pinning you down just like you had asked, and he leans in, his nose brushing against the skin right in front of your ear.

“Can you do me a favour, then?”

“Wh-what?” you stutter, impatience building up inside you again.

“I want to hear you beg for me again… can you do that?” You whine as he rolls his hips into yours once, and without hesitation you grant his wish.

“Please… please fuck me…”

“Mhm… that’s right…” he mutters, and from the way his voice changes as he begins slowly thrusting into you, you can tell he too has been exerting himself holding back from touching you properly more than you thought.

“Please… feels so good… b-baby please…” you keep going, your moans turning into mere whimpers when he reaches down between your bodies in order to tend to your clit. “F-fuck… w-wanna cum on your cock… wanna cum so bad…!” you whine, racing towards your high at lightning speed.

“Shit, you’re perfect,” he utters, his hips beginning to stutter, and the groans falling from his lips becoming more frequent. “So fucking perfect.”

You cry out when your high comes crashing down on you, hands formed into fists and your nails digging into your palms. Once again you try to instinctively throw your arms around your boyfriend’s shoulders, and when you meet resistance as he’s still pinning you against the bed, your mind is flooded with that much more pleasure. He cums with a broken moan as you’re beginning to come down from your high, whining from the overstimulation as you let him thrust into you a few more times, and then he collapses on top of you.

Both panting, he lets go of your wrists and you immediately bring your arms up to put them around his frame, and this time he lets you. Eventually, after catching his breath, he rolls over onto his back, sitting up and undoing your restraints.

“You feeling okay?” You nod at his question, your eyelids too heavy to open, but you smile at him.

“More than,” you mutter, and when he lies back down beside you, you snuggle up close to him. Reaching for your hands, he holds onto one of them, thumb rubbing circles against your wrist, and when you look up you find worry in his eyes. “I really am okay, baby,” you whisper one more time, and he instinctively brings your hand that he’s holding onto in closer to his chest.

“Okay…” he just says, trusting your words, and you send him a sweet smile. Freeing your hand from his grasp, you bring it up to his head, fingers combing through his hair.

“Thank you…” you say, slurring your words a bit as the blissful afterglow of your high lingers in your mind. Your boyfriend lets out a sigh, eyelids fluttering shut at the sensation of you massaging his scalp. “For being careful. And for taking care of me so well.” And now there’s this smile creeping onto his lips. It’s barely noticeable, and yet you can tell how your words are affecting him. And in the next second he throws his arm around you, catching you by surprise as he pulls you on top of himself and engulfs you in a tight hug. He says nothing, you know that sometimes it’s hard for him to speak his mind in moments like these, but by now you know him well enough to know what he’s trying to convey with his actions. You giggle at the way he presses a kiss to the side of your face before having you rest your head atop his chest, loosening his embrace a bit to allow you to lie down comfortably. You too snake one arm around his waist, and with your heart swelling with your love for him that seems to know no end, you bury your smile in the crook of his neck.

#ateez smut #jongho smut #ateez x reader #ateez x fem reader #ateez fanfic #ateez series #ateez scenarios #ateez drabbles #ateez imagines #jongho imagines #jongho x reader #smut

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gwenster · 25 days

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This Had Better Come to a Stop (March of the Falsettos)

Per usual, Marvin is projecting his misogyny onto the people in his life. This statement demonstrates Marvin's insistence for Whizzer to take on a domestic role in their relationship as he attempts to compensate for the lack of a housewife role in his life following his divorce. He wants Whizzer to take over Trina’s previous role with no complaints; in “Tight Knit Family (Reprise)” Marvin literally states, “I want a wife who knows what love is” as if he wants a wife when we clearly know that is not the case.

Not only that, it demonstrates Marvin’s continual disrespect for Whizzer’s emotions as the statement clearly shows his disregard for whatever Whizzer is feeling: “hating him” or “needing him.” Marvin doesn’t believe that Whizzer loves him and so he self-sabotages through dismissing his own, and Whizzer’s, emotions.

Marvin’s self-centeredness is not something the musical shies away from admitting and thus us a prime example of just that. It highlights Marvin’s selfish nature, prioritizing his own needs and desires over Whizzer’s.

The subject of the lyrics pertaining to food is so fitting. The continued textual theme of food in the Marvin Trilogy is one of my favorite things to point out and it deserves its own analysis post but for now I’ll stick to writing about how these lyrics highlight Marvin’s particular relationship with meals and cooking. With a concept like this that unmistakably dates all the way back to the sequel, with In Trousers specifically honing in on his obsession with meals with songs like, “How Marvin Eats His Breakfast” and continues to plague the rest of the trilogy.

This Had Better Come to a Stop (Falsettos)

The lyrics in Falsettos differ. I am curious as to why the lyrics were replaced. In the context of Marvin’s character and the pair's relationship, the remark is so meaningful that its removal feels like a missed opportunity; I almost feel robbed due to its absence. Not that I dislike the new lyrics by any means; rather, I adore them.

The entire exchange between Marvin and Whizzer during the beginning of this number is truly one of my favorite scenes in the entire musical. The acting in this singular minute of dialogue is breathtaking, it’s so grounded and characterizes the pair insanely well.

Even though it’s directed at Whizzer, Marvin’s remark on how “Life can be wonderful” is him reassuring himself of that fact, not Whizzer. In this scene, he shows no regard for Whizzer’s emotions; continuing the very one sided nature of the exchange the two are enduring.

Following the reflection of his life, he narrows down his analysis, remarking on his relationship with Whizzer. With his words now partially directed at the other he states, “Isn’t this wonderful?” seemingly giving Whizzer the floor to voice his opinion. Which, in the proshot, Whizzer eagerly does, or rather, attempts to. He begins to reply in an effort to soothe the other and point out the truth in his statement, but an insecure Marvin, who admittedly enjoys picking fights over trivial issues, interrupts him, continuing to stir the pot.

Whizzer’s actions heavily contrast his nature in previous scenes. Unlike “The Thrill of First Love” which introduces us to their relationship, describing how both Marvin and Whizzer both enjoy fighting stating how “of all the lesser passions” they “like fighting most.” Marvin is still acting under this notion. Despite this, Whizzer acts maturely in this situation, making an effort to have a sincere discussion. This is the first time we see Whizzer’s genuine investment in the committed aspect of their relationship, showing there is more to him than originally presented. It’s just another example of how he’s not so great at continuing his facade of not wanting something serious while actively pursuing exactly that. Namely how it explicitly states that he’s had dinners with Marvin’s immediate family and has familiarized himself with his child to the extent that he has.

As previously mentioned, the acting in this scene is amazing. Depending on the performance there are plenty of conclusions that can be drawn from their own interpretations and I’ve had varying ones over the years but it’s undeniable that their body language speaks volumes.

I wish I had access to any stage directions from this moment, but alas I will just be describing what I see:

Whizzer is provoked and stands up to emphasize his point. Marvin then grabs the collar of Whizzer’s suit and shakes him while proclaiming “Life can be wonderful.” He lets go and continues with “Isn’t this wonderful?” Following this Whizzer reaches out to reassure him but Marvin is quick to push him away to which Whizzer flinches or at least experiences a full-body pause to represent shock or dismay and he spends the rest of the confrontation stone faced after freezing up.

Marvin’s display is insanely contradicting, he speaks so gently at moments yet aggressive is at the same time. Due to this Whizzer is left confused, scared even, during their interaction with his whole demeanor changing when Marvin puts his hands on him.

TLDR. I adore both renditions of “This Had Better Come to a Stop.” It’s arguably my favorite song in the entire Falsettos soundtrack and I love both variants of these lyrics. I feel like Marvin as I practically profess how, “I want it all” as I wish these lines could coexist in the same version because of how impactful and relevant they are.

#falsettos #march of the falsettos #falsettoland #in trousers #marvin falsettos #whizzer brown #marvin x whizzer #falsettos analysis

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thistledropkick · 9 months

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Last year, Kasai Jun was interviewed as part of the interview project DEATH, which interviews various people about death in order to find a better understanding of how to live and appreciate life.

I thought it was a fascinating interview, so I decided to translate it.

Please go visit the original interview - the photography accompanying it is absolutely gorgeous.

Also, please don't repost this whole translation elsewhere. If you want to quote an excerpt of my translation for something, please make sure to also credit the original team behind this interview and link back to the original interview.

Deathmatch Fighter Kasai Jun - 4/27/2022

“It’s not a deathmatch until you return home alive” The reason this 47 year old Charisma Wrestler continues to shed blood in the ring

Within pro wrestling, there is a genre called “deathmatch.”

An extreme set of rules that allows deadly weapons and has no disqualifications. Brawls with fluorescent light tubes, and dives onto barbed wire boards. Without hesitation, wrestlers stab their opponents in the head with fistfuls of bamboo skewers. When wound-covered bodies violently collide, shards of glass and sprays of blood shower the ringside seats.

Upon first seeing it, surely everyone thinks “Why are these people hurting each other like this?” “What the hell am I looking at?”

This is the world of the man known as “Charisma,” professional Wrestler Kasai Jun of the independent promotion Pro Wrestling Freedoms.

In November of 2009, he had a “razorblade board plus alpha deathmatch” against Ito Ryuji in Tokyo’s Korakuen Hall. Kasai, 35 years old at the time, dove from the second floor balcony, a fall of 6 meters, onto a table, aiming for his opponent Ito.

Afterwards they continued to fight with various weapons, in a match that concluded 15 seconds before the 30 minute time limit. That year, this match was awarded the Best Bout award. And Kasai, the winner of that match, became a living legend overnight.

12 years have passed since then. Kasai is now 47 years old, and he continues to rule over the world of deathmatch wrestling. Under the weight of many literal life-or-death battles, Kasai’s body no longer moves the way it did when he was young. Even so, why does he continue to set foot in such a dangerous place?

We asked “Charisma of Deathmatch” - a man who makes the crowd go mad in the space between life and death - about his views on death and on life.

Desiring to truly feel alive

- Normally, people try to avoid pain and suffering. Kasai, why do you continue to shed blood in the ring?

Hahaha. From an outside perspective, you must really wonder “Why do you keep doing something so painful” huh? That’s a normal way to feel. But from the wrestler’s perspective, it’s completely different.

In your normal daily life, do you ever feel like “Ahh, it’s so glorious to be alive”? You’d almost never unconsciously blurt out something like that.

But in a life or death battle in a deathmatch ring, after you step down from that ring, that’s exactly what you feel. “Ahh, I’m alive. I’m so grateful to be alive.” Because of that, I can’t quit.

Mountain climbers and stuntmen probably feel like this too, don’t they. Stepping into a situation where their life could end, and returning home safely. I wonder if they’re searching for that feeling of being “truly alive.”

This feeling is passed on to the audience too. Fans often tell me “Watching Kasai Jun’s deathmatch gives me the strength to continue forward.”

They say things like, “I’m being bullied at school so I wasn’t going to go any more, but now I feel like I can keep going.” Or, “It’s exhausting to keep going to work, but after seeing Kasai persevere while shedding blood in the ring, I can persevere and keep going to work.”

Recently I can’t do this much because of covid, but in the past when I’d sell merch, fans would often say things like this to me.

Because of this, it seems to me that deathmatch wrestling is simultaneously a way for wrestlers to feel truly alive, and a way for those who watch it to feel more positively about living.

- Because of the sensational way “death” is shown in the ring?

Probably, yeah. Because it looks like we’re doing something really painful.

But don’t get me wrong. We aren’t in a particular hurry to die. And we aren’t wasting our lives either. What I always say is, “It’s not a deathmatch until you return alive.”

[Note from me - this phrase (生きて帰るまでがデスマッチ) is a play on a well-known Japanese phrase 家に帰るまでが遠足 “The field trip isn’t over until we return home.” This started as something a teacher would say to students in their care, and Kasai has altered it into his motto towards both himself and other deathmatch wrestlers.]

- It’s not a deathmatch until you return alive.

If you get in a ring where you might die or get seriously injured, and you do die, or you do get seriously injured, you’re no different than a rank amateur, right? But a guy who dives into a deadly dangerous situation and returns from that ring unharmed, he’s the absolute greatest and the absolute coolest.

Like a stuntman, right? If he returns home alive, people say “amazing,” but if he dies, he’s no longer a pro.

At 35 years old, his view on life did a complete 180 during a match

But, when I was young, I thought about it completely differently. I never thought “I’m grateful to be alive.” In the ring, I did dangerous stuff and defeated my opponents. I just thought of it as my job.

The more dangerous stuff I did, the more people said “Kasai is amazing!” That felt really great. Every time I stepped into the right I thought, if something goes wrong and I die I guess that’s how it goes. I thought “Deathmatches should be a memento mori.”

- What caused such a big change in your values?

That match against Ito Ryuji in Korakuen, in 2009. It changed my mental state by 180 degrees.

The truth is, I went into that match thinking “This is my last match before I retire.” Because it was my last match, I would do everything I wanted to do. Win or lose, I went into the ring thinking “I’ll retire.”

But during the match, my feelings completely changed. I thought “If I quit like this, I’ll be half-dead.” There’s nothing else I want to do, and I’ve never felt joy like this anywhere else. It was just too much fun.

So, after the match ended with 15 seconds remaining, I announced my decision to continue wrestling. “I was thinking of retiring but, I’m gonna keep going.” That’s what changed.

- Since your values have changed so significantly from when you thought it’d be good to die in the ring, what’s your “ideal death” now?

Spending the day with my family as I always do, watching tv with an after-dinner drink as I always do, getting comfy in my futon as I always do, and passing away. That’s the best death, isn’t it.

I’ve said it before but, people who say “It’s my ambition to die in the ring” are just trying to look cool. For a pro, it all comes down to returning home alive. And so, I believe that when the life of Kasai Jun the human being comes to an end, Kasai Jun the wrestler will die as well. I want to be a pro wrestler until I die. That’s how I feel now.

When I was young, I thought the best time for a wrestler to retire was when he could still move, when people would say “It’s a shame, because there’s still more he can do.” But if that’s true, I’ve already missed my best time to retire.

Since I’ve come this far, maybe it’s better to keep doing this until my death. Since around the time I turned 40, I started thinking this way.

Gaining years = leveling up. I’ll reach my peak just before death.

- Since you’ve been doing this for so long, it’s inevitable that your body has become weaker. Kasai, how have you dealt with aging?

The word “elderly” is a concept created by human beings, isn’t it? Since that’s the case, I believe it’s something we can absolutely overcome. I don’t think increasing in age is the same as becoming elderly.

Look, it’s true that my physical stamina has decreased and my muscles have gotten weaker than they were when I was younger. But my will and my spirit have continued to grow. Instead of just breaking even, I think I’ve leveled up. 47 years old is level 47. I now see growing older as a positive, like leveling up every year.

Because of that, my peak has yet to come. I’ll reach my peak just before I die. I’ll be at my strongest just before my death. That’s the ideal I envision for myself.

There was a time when I felt insecure about my age. When I hit my mid 30s, I hated that my body was becoming weaker.

But then, while drinking at home and watching a documentary on TV about (rock musician) Yazawa Eikichi, I realized something. “If you think about it, uncool young people are uncool, and cool guys are cool even if they’re old.” Since then, my way of thinking changed. I started calling getting older “leveling up” at around that time.

[Note from me: Suzuki Minoru also refers to getting one year older as “leveling up” in the exact same way. They are friends, so I assume Suzuki got it from Kasai.]

- I'm surprised that a pro athlete who uses his body as a weapon would think of aging in that way.

Pro wrestling and deathmatch are unique among sports. Unlike say, track and field, or swimming, it isn’t a competition where every second counts. I can’t move the way I could when I was young any more, but through my facial expressions, pauses during matches, and so on, I have many ways to express myself.

A guy can be handsome, macho, with great muscles, and completely suck as a wrestler. In contrast, a guy like me who’s ugly, short, and middle-aged, can get support from the fans. It’s a completely different genre, and that’s what makes pro wrestling so interesting.

- What about your emotional struggles? In your documentary film you said you were having some difficulty maintaining your motivation, which you described as “Deathmatch Erectile Dysfunction”

Yeah, well, that can definitely be a problem. When you’re young, you’ve just got piles of hopes and dreams and things you want to do. But as the years go on, and as you accomplish those things, you can kind of get lost.

What’s helped me increase my motivation has been the existence of people who make me think “I absolutely don’t wanna lose to this guy” or “I don’t want this guy to take all the best stuff for himself” In my case, for example, that’s been (fellow PW Freedoms deathmatch wrestler) Takeda Masashi. Or, although he’s from another organization, New Japan Pro Wrestling’s El Desperado.

That’s why for the past 3 or 4 years, I’ve been asking people to “stimulate me.” I want intimidating people to keep approaching me. Well, on the other hand, if they take the most delicious part for themselves, that’s a problem.

A fear of death led to a “selfish life”

- Incidentally, perhaps it’s too late at this point, but do you worry about being injured or dying?

I said it already but, “It’s not a deathmatch until you return alive.” Since I’m a pro, I have the skills required to do this without death or injury.

But, it’d be a lie to say “I’m not afraid.” Even now, for several days before a match I get so stressed that I can’t sleep. Despite how I look, I get plenty scared. Much of my life has been driven by a strong fear of death.

- How do you mean?

It sounds silly, but when I was in grade school I believed in “The Prophecies of Nostradamus.” Have you ever heard of it? “In the year 1999, all of humanity will be destroyed.” Every night I shook with fear in my futon, thinking that my life would end at the age of 24.

Propelled by that fear, I concluded, “If the earth is gonna get destroyed anyway, I should quit studying. Instead I should use the rest of my remaining lifetime to do stuff that I like.” I completely quit studying, and instead spent all my time watching pro wrestling, which I loved.

Conversely, my fear of death also led me to become a pro wrestler. After graduating high school, I got a job in Tokyo as a security guard, but I gave into temptation and visited brothels daily. One day I happened to be reading a magazine with an HIV checklist inside, and almost every item applied to me.

At that time, I still thought “AIDS = death” so I thought “Oh, this is AIDS.” “Oh, this is how I’ll die.”

Luckily, when I got tested the result was negative, but after preparing myself for death, I thought “I really should do what I want” and knocked on the door of Big Japan Pro Wrestling. My life has always been influenced in this way.

- I get the impression that many wrestlers die at an early age. Since then, your fear must have increased.

Nah, that’s not really true. I’m surprisingly practical about the deaths of others. I just accept it, like “That’s the kind of life you lived.” I suspect my fear of death isn’t a fear of death itself, but a fear of becoming nothing.

- A fear of becoming nothing.

I’m no (actor and spiritualist) Tanba Tetsuro, but if after you die, you go to the spirit world, and cross the Sanzu river, that’s not all that scary is it? I wouldn’t go so far as to say “it’s fine if I die” but there’s some kind of hope or meaning. But if “After death, you become complete nothingness” “After death you feel no joy or sadness” I think that’s really scary.

But these days, I don’t experience that fear of death as much as I used to. If after this interview a dump truck hits me and I die, I wouldn’t have any regrets. I could say I did what I wanted to do.

Pro wrestling is a business where you depend on your popularity with an audience, but I’ve never tried to flatter the audience to get sales or support, or thought about how to increase my popularity. Ultimately, Kasai Jun puts himself first. I’m my own number one.

To die without regrets is to win at life

- But, if someone wanted to imitate your way of life, I think most people would be profoundly afraid of not getting by financially, or of being rejected by society. Why do you think you remain stoic in the face of such fears?

What’s there worth imitating about me? If you’re selfish like me and you can change it, you should want to!

But, this is probably related to that “fear of becoming nothing” I mentioned earlier. Ever since I was little, I’ve thought stuff like “This whole world isn’t real” and “Maybe all of this is just a dream.”

Nothing in this world is certain. Since that’s the case, all you have are your own body and your own feelings. In short, I don’t believe in anything but myself, so I put myself first.

- So in order to “feel truly alive” you throw yourself into the painful world of deathmatch wrestling, which leads us back to where we started.

That’s right. I guess you could say that pain is the only thing I believe.

But when I was young, I did understand the fear of not making enough money to survive. When I was around 30 and my son had just been born, I was seized by that fear.

Really, I was broke, and I couldn’t even pay into the National Pension Fund like I was supposed to, so I went to the ward office and said “I do intend to pay, so please wait a little.” I thought to myself, “Living is so expensive and so difficult.”

- A deathmatch fighter scary enough to quiet a crying child, with such an everyday problem.

Three years after my debut, when I was around 27, I was badly injured. I quit Big Japan, and after a year’s absence, I transferred to a different group called Zero-One.

Zero-One was founded by ex-New Japan Pro Wrestler Hashimoto Shinya, and the pay was good compared to Big Japan, and they held a lot of shows, so I could wrestle frequently. The environment there was very pleasant.

But, due to the policy of the organization, I couldn’t do the deathmatches that I love. During that time as a “salaryman wrestler,” I survived, but I think deathmatch fighter Kasai Jun, pro wrestler Kasai Jun, was completely dead.

“I really should do the pro wrestling I want to do,” I thought, and I quit Zero-One, and persisted with the pro wrestling that I love. Maybe that’s why I feel like I can now “die without regrets.”

Ultimately, if you live your own life as you wish, and think “I have no regrets” when you die, you win. Maybe people today have lost sight of the essence of what it means to live. It’s fine to work hard at your job, but if you’re spending every day miserably, is that kind of life really okay with you?

I’d rather live for 20 years and laugh every day than live for 100 years and never smile. If you’ve lived for 100 years and never laughed, that’s the same as being dead, isn’t it?

写真：本永創太 ~ Photographer: Motonaga Souta

執筆：鈴木陸夫 ~ Author: Suzuki Atsuo

編集：日向コイケ（Huuuu）~ Editor: Hinata Koike (Huuuu)

#kasai jun #jun kasai #pw freedoms #pro wrestling #deathmatch #my translation #This is definitely the longest thing I have ever attempted to translate!#I've got nobody checking over my work or anything like that so as always apologies for any typos or errors that I didn't catch

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mageknight14 · 1 month

Text

Exploring the Parallels Between Our Favorite (and Only) Conductors

One thing I think is really cool about the Kitaniji and Shiba parallels is how they both idolized the Composers/Higher Plane members they were in contact with but take that idolization into different directions and how these are reflected in Neku and Rindo’s individual flaws.

First we have Kitaniji, who idolized Joshua and put him and his status as Composer on a pedestal, and thus, in an attempt to try and save Shibuya, conducted a plan to try and rob the city of its individuality and make it a hive mind to, in his view, appease the Composer. However, what Kitaniji failed to consider that what HE, as an individual, wanted was counterintuitive to what Joshua truly desired as shown by the rules/structure of the Shibuya Game and his various interactions with Neku throughout their week together.

Kitaniji acts in a way he presumes would please Joshua, thinking that initiating the human instrumentality project would be the thing to please him most when that's far from the truth, simply because he's unable to look past his ego. He thinks he understands Joshua best, despite not taking the time to actually get to know him (which sounds an awful lot like toxic idol culture) and only ends up projecting his own insecurities about human connection onto Joshua as desires that a god would share as well because hey, why would a god care about empathizing and connecting with people when they’re just so much better than them, right?

He failed to see Joshua for the flawed individual that he was as opposed to the almighty Composer and instead of trying to genuinely connect with him and perhaps convince him otherwise when it came to his plan to eradicate Shibuya, goes right into the brainwashing scheme, essentially doubling down on his flawed mindset. Kitaniji’s idolization makes him believe that he is something akin to a God as well; makes him feel closer to Joshua in a way. In short, Kitaniji’s idol worship is a conscious, agency-prone outcome mediated by the false relationship he has with Joshua.

Throughout the game, Kitaniji makes conscious (and unhealthy) decisions through his idolization of another person; he also believes he has a measure of personal agency and individuality that makes him more important than others, probably in part due to the "special relationship" he believes he has with Joshua (more idol worship toxicity) despite ironically being an empty individual and misinterpreting his intentions, which is what leads to his downfall. This in contrast to Neku, who due to his past trauma concerning his friend’s death, latches onto his flawed misinterpretation of his idol CAT’s words, only for CAT himself to set the record straight, causing Neku to realize throughout the game how he may have twisted his idol’s (Hanekoma) message to support his bias of isolation, and finally understand what CAT's words meant. This in turn is what allows Neku to finally get through to Joshua and convince him through his actions that Shibuya, and by extension humanity, can truly change for the better and gets him to spare the city. A happy ending that a Shibuya free of individuality wouldn’t have been able to achieve.

In NEO TWEWY, we have Shiba, someone who rises through the ranks of the Reaper hierarchy incredibly quickly and thus, became easy pickings for Kubo to try and manipulate to do his bidding; a man that has obtained so much power that he actually begins to idolize himself, thinking himself so strong and important that now he can whimsically make decisions about life and death, treat every situation as some kind of game, and judge people as he sees fit. Shiba only thinks himself as holding such an important role, which really belongs to Kubo's because of Kubo setting things up in such a way that made it so that Shiba's newfound powers would fuck with his ability to rationalize. Kubo fed into Shiba’s ego and slowly nudged him into the direction of shutting out his loved ones, which then leads into a cycle of Shiba becoming worse and worse thanks to the influence of his powers/Kubo and the Shinjuku gang isolating themselves from him. He becomes convinced that what Kubo wants is what HE desires as well, even if that’s not truly the case deep down, and throws himself more and more into his work to accomplish that, which, of course, only adds onto the cycle I described above more and more.

What's interesting here is that Shiba doesn’t draw any implicit or explicit motivations from his relationship with Kubo; he’s just another guy to him. We can make the argument that Kubo as a character symbolizes a particular substrate of toxic idolizing in that he represents status, a constituent of success that Shiba clamors for in the hopes that he can idolize himself. However, with that being said, the relationship between Shiba and Kubo itself in the story has no bearing on the former’s personal drive the way Kitaniji’s relationship with Joshua does. Rather, what Shiba’s idolism represents is the corruption of one's sense of self when they fall too deep into the cesspool of influencer stardom/corporate corruption; the overinflation of ego that becomes a malicious byproduct of commanding such an effect over large numbers of people.

If you remember, Shiba initially started off in Shinjuku promising change and a better lifestyle for his fellow Reapers, which they clearly took to heart and gladly followed after him, speaking volumes about his charisma. But then when he got a taste of his newfound power after the conclusion of the Shinjuku revolt, he became more and more detached from the people and found himself sinking into the singularity of his own self-indulgence.

This can be considered an almost 1-to-1 parallel with influencer behavior and in a way, Shiba is kind of what Motoi was hoping he'd be before he found some clarity by actually having to look into the face of the fan he was nonchalantly treating as a pawn to stardom and came to realize just how damaging his actions were overall.

In contrast to Shiba, we have Rindo, who also has the flaw of internalizing someone else’s thoughts and opinions as his own, something that gets repeatedly shown off in his interactions with Swallow and Motoi/an0ther. Hell, it gets to the point that Sumio, Motoi’s second-in-command, is able to play on Rindo’s need for validation from his idol and trick him into helping him (I love how Beat in the last pic here sighs in his sprites because he knows that Rindo fell for it, hook, line, and sinker)

However, what truly cements the parallel here is this convo Shiba has with Tsugumi in the Last Day Intervention.

Shiba here basically flat out admits that he was afraid of having to face the consequences of his decisions. Of having to own up to the fact that his self-destructive actions were causing harm to himself and others and so, in an effort to try and suppress that feeling of insecurity, he saw it fit to run away from the warning signs and trap himself in his own self-isolating bubble in order to avoid taking responsibility.

Now, who does that remind you of?

Now, at first glance, this comparison might seem like a stretch, but there are a couple of things to keep in mind. First, let's think back on what Nagi said about Shiba at the end of W3D3 after Kanon's erasure.

When we reflect on what Nagi said, you start to realize that the majority of Shiba's actions throughout the third week was due to his feelings of anger and hurt following what he feels is a personal betrayal from the people he cares about the most and how he then takes out that anger on the people below him. First there's his calling out Shoka personally out of anger of a mix of betraying him and the others by switching to Rindo's group and blaming her for HIS encouraging Ayano to take drastic measures such as personally infecting herself with the Plague in order to try and get Shoka to come back.

Which then leads into the next day where Shiba, out of anger concerning Ayano's erasure, sends out more Plague Noise to target the remaining teams so that they can feel the grief he's currently going through, which ends with Kanon, the Twisters' most supportive ally, getting caught in the crossfire and subsequently erased, which Nagi's analysis on Shiba alludes to when she comments on his wrathful energy in the morning announcment.

Combine this with him sending out Plague Noise that take on phantom images of the Twisters' failures and traumas and him getting so pissed at Susukichi betraying him in a previous timeline on W3D6 that he causes the Inversion a day earlier than intended and you get the sense that Shiba is lashing out at the others for what he views to be their fault, while never reflecting on his own fault on the matter due to a combination of the Dissonance affecting him so deeply and his refusal to see just how much he's hurting the people he cares about the most.

Much like how Rindo tends to lash out at others whenever he feels pressured to make a decision or face the possibility of having to take responsibility of his actions, Shiba's actions can be considered an example of what can happen if that flaw was taken to its worst possible conclusion. Both Rindo and Shiba are afraid of having to face the consequences of their actions and try to avoid facing them by either pawning off responsibility off of someone else or just outright tuning out the warning signs altogether. They put the people around them at arm's lengths, often taking them for granted, and become paranoid around others out of fear what will happen to them if they get too close. However, Rindo eventually starts becoming more savvy to his idol’s intentions and actively seeks out the truth about him, resulting in him breaking away from Motoi’s influence and slowly becoming more assured in himself and his decisions. He becomes more aware of his friends' struggles and will often try to do right by them (as shown with his talks with Shoka and the contrast between his and Fret's conversations at the beginning and end of the game). This is shown off in two ways, with Rindo and Shiba's confrontation at the end of W2D7 and W3D7 being flipped to have Rindo and Shiba trading places to show who’s on top, Shiba utterly alone in contrast to Rindo being surrounded by others, the Wicked Twisters dominating the screen while Shiba can only shrink back in defeat and Shiba being invisible in the Crossing (despite being surrounded by all those people) while Rindo is literally embedded in an ever-expanding Social Network.

By the end, Rindo actively takes accountability for his actions and achieves the happy ending he strives for, even helping with bringing Shiba back to his senses. Shiba on the other hand, once his influential power gets to his heart, begins to devalue the significance of the wants, needs, and individuality of the people who followed him fervently, and it's not until he gets his ass kicked and then is forced to face his number one fan/the person he cares about most, Hishima (another parallel with Rindo and Motoi), does he come to terms with how his actions have affected people he cares about, and is able to break out of his own self-idolizing and begin his path towards reformation, taking responsibility for his actions much in the same way that Rindo himself does.

To recap, Kitaniji becomes convinced that what he’s doing is what JOSHUA wants while Shiba becomes convinced that what KUBO wants is what he actually desires when that’s really not the case and I find these parallels to be incredibly fascinating. Kitaniji and Shiba are considered to be the ideal of what a Reaper should be in their respective cities and what's especially interesting is how while the values each game tries to instill does have merit when applied to our lives, they also show off the downsides of what those values can have if you're not especially careful.

On one end, you have Kitaniji, who is the "ideal" of a Shibuya Reaper. Highly unique and imaginative, has a very strong sense of self and sense of identity. Is an individualist but is also very isolated as a result. Tellingly, when Joshua starts to force his hand and basically tells him to come up with a way to save the city or get fucked, Kitaniji starts going down a dark path and tries to rob the citizens of Shibuya of their individuality in order to save the city from becoming destroyed, unknowingly increasing its countdown to its inevitable destruction and became twisted into a raving madman that insists that he’s saving humanity and is shepherding them into a new ideal utopia.

By contrast, when you take a look at the flashbacks and how the others speak about him before he got his new powers, Shiba is shown an be incredibly charismatic individual and this goes hand in hand with his role as the most powerful of the Shinjuku Reapers. His leadership and connections are his strength. He’s a social butterfly (his Noise powers and pendant are themed for a reason) and is considered the ideal of a Shinjuku Reaper. However, thanks to his new powers getting to his head, he’s pushed away all of his remaining allies and now has just about no one but himself, the emotional isolation being incredibly damaging to both himself and the people he cares about .Susukichi, Rindo, and Neku even talk about this, speculating about how he must be lonely and how his new powers most likely contributed to this.

Both TWEWY games can be read as a cautionary tale of idolism; of influencer status; of becoming so disillusioned that you either close yourself off to others or deem yourself so important that other people matter far less. Last but not least, they emphasize the importance of being accountable for one's own self, especially in a society of influencers because at the end of the day, it's important that you believe in your own views and can uphold them responsibly; it's important to not blindly follow others, especially if your self-worth hinges on it and ESPECIALLY if they become like Shiba or Kitaniji.

#twewy #the world ends with you #neo the world ends with you #neo twewy #ntwewy #rindo kanade #neku sakuraba #yoshiya kiryu #megumi kitaniji #shiba miyakaze #analysis post

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cheeriecherrymain · 1 year

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viktor is a cat, no i do not take criticism

you're right and you should say it.

The Likeness Of Men And Cats [Oneshot] Pairing: Viktor x Reader Rating: T Proofread: no beta we die like men Synopsis: You acquire a cat for the first time, and make a startling connection between it and your best friend, Viktor. Of course, you now have to test your theory: is the man you're crushing on actually several cats in a trenchcoat?

You’ve worked with Viktor for years. Six years, in fact, if you started all the way back in your first year at the academy.

You hadn’t had much interest in him, then. He was just another face in the crowded classroom, just another hand that got raised whenever your professors asked a question. He was smart, sure, but no more than some of the other people in your peer group.

Only once you’d been assigned to a group project did you really start getting to know him - and his less than stellar reputation around campus.

Your friends had all given you their condolences when you’d told them who you’d be working with for the semester, each of them sprouting off some story or another about an interaction they’d had with this Viktor.

And the more you got to know him, the more you realized their stories were true.

He was blunt, and logical to a fault. He refused to take breaks, for either his or your sake - even when you’d been about to pass out from sleep deprivation, he’d merely sighed and told you to sleep, then, if you need it. He frustrated you to no end.

And the more you got to know him, the more you realized your friends’ tales were…wrong.

You had hardly wanted bad blood between you and the man you were supposed to be working with for the whole semester, so you’d stuck it out. You’d been friendly, made yourself approachable, listened to him when he spoke and tried to include him in conversations.

And eventually he opened up.

Shared little jokes with you, brought little snacks to your study sessions so you wouldn’t go hungry. He showed a profound sense of compassion, the deeper your chats got, and a truly spectacular desire to change the world for the better.

It only made sense that you’d fall in love with him. Stupidly, terribly in love.

Even now, years after you’d graduated and moved onto your own projects, you still got heart palpitations whenever you spent time with him. Which happened to be most days, what with your work coinciding so closely. You’re certain that one of these days, the persistent thrum in your chest is simply going to stop, and you’re going to perish.

All because of him, and his stupid handsome face, and his stupid beautiful brain.

And it’s not like you hadn’t tried to tell him how you felt! You’re not the kind of person to just stand there stewing in your feelings for years without trying to resolve them!

He was just…not interested. You dropped hint after hint after hint, suggesting you spend time together to catch up, or maybe go out to lunch, or even dinner. You’d flirted with him so openly that even Jayce was cringing from your efforts!

But he never reciprocated.

Jayce had tried to comfort you one evening, after a particularly rough afternoon of thirsting after your best friend. He probably just doesn’t realize you’re trying to uhh…woo him, he’d said, in a vain attempt at calming your roiling emotions.

Didn’t realize. Right.

You’d been heartbroken for so long after being rejected by Viktor, lost in thought and unable to effectively work. Making excuse after excuse as to why you were ‘out of sorts’ and ‘not feeling well’.

That is…until now.

Three weeks ago, you’d…come into the possession of a soft, fuzzy creature. Or she’d come into possession of you?

Either way, you’d found a cat. Skinny, mottled black and white, covered in fleas - she’d woken you up in the middle of a fateful night, screaming haplessly from your balcony where she’d gotten stuck. The moment you opened the sliding door, she’d run inside and had since refused to leave.

It had been hectic in the first couple days, particularly when you were trying to get her into the bath to remove all the built up dirt and dust from her fur. But you’d gotten her settled eventually, and since then she’s become a staple in your everyday routine.

It had taken you a while to really notice the patterns in her behavior, and to connect the dots.

Your cat behaved an awful lot like Viktor.

Rather, Viktor behaved an awful lot like a cat.

Bringing you little gifts for no apparent reason, typically in the form of snacks or trinkets. Preferring to sit in the same place as you and work separately, as opposed to actively engaging in conversation. Only showing you his softer side once he knew he could trust you. Even the few times he touched you, he did so in the most unusual way you’d ever seen - running a hand down your arm, or your back.

Not unlike a cat brushing up against its companion.

Looking back, knowing what you know now, you feel…stupid. For disregarding the man you loved so easily, for not clueing into his way of expressing love.

Because of course he loved you!

…probably.

Maybe.

…you need to test your theory.

—

The next day is when you begin Phase One of your plan.

You spent the entire night working on a detailed month-long set of experiments, subtle enough that Viktor wouldn’t think your actions were too weird or out of the blue. In the event that you were wrong in your hypothesis, you would be able to chalk your behaviour up to…

…to…

…wanting to switch things up a bit?

So, truthfully, you hadn’t really thought much about it at all. You’d actually fallen asleep with your face smashed into your desk around ten in the evening, and by the time your alarm had started blaring, you had to scramble to make sense of what little you’d scribbled down.

“Good afternoon, my brilliant men of science!” you cheer, skipping into the lab in your typical loud fashion, your arms full with a large cardboard box that had steam wafting from between its creases.

Viktor hums a quiet greeting from across the room, barely paying you any mind as he continues to focus on his current project.

Jayce, on the other hand, looks over the moment you set foot in the room, making a beeline towards you when he sees you struggling with your parcel.

“What’s in the box?” he wonders, watching over your shoulder as you set it out on one of the free desks, and begin to unfold the flaps.

“Lunch!” you reply, finally revealing a bunch of smaller boxes packed tightly within. “I know you two don’t always have time to run out to grab something to eat, so I thought I’d do it for you. It’s important to keep your energy up when you’re using your brains so much.”

Jayce wastes no time in helping you unpack everything you’d brought, opening up each little package to discover the treasures that lay inside. It’s mostly foods that you know Viktor likes - a couple of baked goods, some potato dumplings, a thermos of root stew, some little swirly breads.

In no time, he’s fixed himself a plate and gone back to his own workplace, leaving you to stand alone by the feast.

Looking at Viktor.

Who was looking at you.

Looking at you with the most suspicion you’ve ever seen him wear, with his eyes narrowed in thought and his shoulders held tight and square.

“Why?” he asks, glancing between you and the food.

“What do you mean, why?”

His brows pull together slightly, adding to the absolute absurdity of his expression.

“What’s the catch?” he reiterates, finally rising from his seat to slink towards you. “You never bring us lunch. Ever. What’s the occasion?”

You shrug nonchalantly.

“Why would I need a reason to be nice?” you ask. You supposed you could just tell him what you were up to - you doubt he’d be upset with you if you did. He’d probably just be curious about your theory.

The only issue was that if he knew, it might skew your data. If he knew what you were looking for, he might try to react in a way that he thought you’d like - or in a way that would purposefully fuck with you.

No, it would be better if you didn’t tell him. At least not yet.

“V, I’m all for asking questions, but please stop trying to dissect a good thing?” Jayce pleads from the other side of the room, casting over his best impression of a kicked puppy.

You’re pretty sure he knows what you’re up to.

Viktor, in any case, appears to be momentarily placated by your explanation, poor as it was. You know that he’s going to wonder about it eventually, but for now you’ve got time. You’ve got time to sit and eat lunch with your two best friends, and hopefully think up some better excuses.

—

You continue bringing the two of them lunch for the next week. Jayce remains completely unbothered by the situation, and even offers to help once you tell him what your master plan is.

He knows how down bad you are for your friend, and you’re certain that he’s fully sick of listening to you lament about how pretty he is and how badly your heart aches.

Viktor hasn’t mentioned anything since the first day of your new routine, either, but you can tell he’s just as suspicious as he was at the start. His gaze is always sharp when you clatter into the room with another box of food, watching intently while you unpack, remaining trained on you while he makes his way over to hesitantly scoop some up for himself.

Almost like he’s waiting for some kind of reaction out of you.

But you give him nothing, no hints as to what your plan is. You wait patiently while he fixes himself a plate, asking him how his day has been or perhaps about what he’s working on, smiling softly all the while.

It’s exactly one week to the day when you burst into the lab again, followed closely by your loud and raucous announcement of your presence, only to be met with silence.

“I’m afraid Jayce isn’t here today,” Viktor sighs from behind a stack of notebooks, not even bothering to turn his attention away from the formulas he’s copying down.

You, however, are undeterred, continuing your trail into the room, over to your usual table where you are about to begin Phase Two of testing your theory.

“I know,” you reply, setting your things down. “He said he had a thing with Mel today - and a busy week, too.”

You can see from the corner of your eye as your friend finally turns away from his work.

“You knew he wouldn’t be here?” he wonders, utterly perplexed. When you hum your confirmation, he continues, “Then why did you bother coming?”

That alone is enough to give you pause, glancing towards him in confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I?” you ask.

You stare at each other for a couple of seconds, before he shrugs and makes a noncommittal grumble, turning back to his papers.

He…thought you wouldn’t come? If it was just him, he thought…you wouldn’t even bother showing up. As if he wasn’t your best friend, and the love of your life, and the brightest part of your day? Like he couldn’t possibly be the reason for your kindness?

Your heart clenches.

In silence, you fix him a plate of the little foods you know he’ll like; you’d gone out of your way to pick out a couple of his favourites today, having suspected that he might be difficult to persuade without Jayce nearby to bully him into eating.

“Here,” you tell him, softly, setting the plate on the desk beside him. You set your hand on his shoulder for a brief moment, letting your fingertips wander down his arm, and then turn away to head back to your own work.

Knowing Viktor, he’d prefer the silence over active conversation. It was easier for him when the other half of HexTech was around to act as a buffer and keep your endless desire to talk entertained. But today, when it’s just the two of you? You know you’ve overstepped your bounds in the past, pushing him into a state of discomfort with your constant chattering.

But not today.

Today, you’ve brought your own work with you, fully intent on sitting quietly with your best friend while you both eat your meals. You had the entire hour to catch up on grading your students’ tests - grades they’d been hassling you about for a while now.

It’s a little bit uncomfortable at first, to not talk while you know he’s nearby. There are things from your day that you want to share with him - something funny that one of your first-years said to you, the gossip you’ve heard about other faculty members.

But you resist.

Viktor, on the other hand, only makes it about ten minutes.

All at once, the incessant scribbling of his pen stops, followed by a deep sigh, and the quiet clatter of the utensil being set down. A creak in his chair, as he turns towards you.

“Have I done something to offend you?” he inquires, bluntly, as usual.

You glance up from your pile of papers with wide eyes, surprised by the suddenness of his question.

“No?” you reply, “Why would you think that?”

He sighs again, his gaze wandering away from yours and down to the floor. He looks hesitant, the same sort of hesitant that he’d been when taking the food you offered to him: like he was waiting for something to happen.

Like he was waiting for you to…to announce that you were playing some kind of absurd prank-

Oh.

“You’ve hardly said a word to me today,” he mumbles, crossing his arms on the back of his chair so he can rest his head between them.

“But…you like the quiet?” you reply, far more meek than you’d intended to be. Had he been taking your entire experiment as some kind of mean joke on him? Had he already known that he was reminiscent of a cat? Did he think you were making fun of him for it?

“Yes!” he retorts quickly, running a hand through his already-mussed hair. “But you’re always talking! To me, to Jayce - about your students, or some shitty scholarly article you read! You’ve been acting strange for the entire week. First the food, and now this - are you okay? Are you-”

“Viktor, breathe!” you squeak.

The moment you see the worry in his eyes, you jump to your feet and make your way over to him. Taking his face in your heads, despite your better judgment or regard to the rules of your plan. Stroking your thumbs slowly over the curve of his cheeks, holding him close while he forced himself to relax and slow his breathing.

You’ve never seen him so outwardly worried about you.

“Look,” you murmur, “I just…I care about you. A lot. And I feel like sometimes I…do a pretty shitty job of showing it.”

Slowly, you let your hands slide down to rest atop his shoulders.

“I’m always after you to take better care of yourself, but I never actually do anything to help. And - and I always push conversations on you, even though I know you’d rather work on your own projects.”

With a dejected sigh, you remove your hands from him completely, “Even now. My first instinct when trying to comfort you is to touch you, even though I know you don’t really like it.”

Idly, you fiddle with the edges of your sleeves.

“I just want to make you happy, but…I know I can be annoying, sometimes. I’m sorry.”

The air is thick between the two of you after that. You can’t for the life of you figure out what else you should say, if anything - you can’t even bring yourself to look him in the eye. Instead, you turn on your heel and wobble back to your seat, trying your hardest to keep the hot sting of tears from reaching your eyes.

You feel like an idiot.

Your entire plan was stupid, and your theory was stupid, and wanting to test it? Stupid!

So caught up in your own thoughts, you don’t even notice the sound of a chair being dragged across the room, over to where you sit. Only when Viktor shoves it right up beside you and plops down nearly in your lap do you jostle out of your own head.

Staring up at him with wide eyes.

“You think you’re annoying?” he asks, nearly incredulous. “I never have anything to contribute to your conversations - never have any stories or adventures of my own to share. You have to carry all our interactions! And you…think you’re annoying?”

You scoff softly. “I mean, most of my other colleagues tolerate me, and only barely. Do you know how many break room conversations I’ve accidentally overheard about me?”

He grumbles a bit, letting his head roll sideways to carefully knock against the curve of your shoulder.

“This isn’t about them,” he insists. “You’re not annoying. I enjoy listening to you talk - you always have interesting perspectives on subjects that I rarely consider.”

He tilts his face up, then, staring up at you from mere inches away with a sort of intensity that makes your cheeks nearly catch fire.

“And I also like it when you remind me to take a break. You know how I am about keeping track of time - if there isn’t an alarm, I’ll sit and work until I pass out.”

Slowly, oh so slowly, you lean towards him. Gently, tenderly, with an affection that makes your chest ache - you bonk your forehead against his, the barest of touches, but the most intimate you’ve ever been with him.

And all at once, his face lights up into a bright, rosy hue.

Much like how you had connected the dots a week ago, all the pieces fall into place in his mind. One by one, clicking together to form an entire beautiful picture: a story of your friendship, finally understanding.

“You…” he begins, trailing off as he tilts his head up by a fraction, drawing you into a kiss you’ve both been waiting years for.

#viktor x reader #viktor arcane x reader #arcane x reader #viktor fluff #arcane fluff #viktor reader insert #see mom i cant possibly in a depressive episode i wrote THIS #arcane reader insert

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mulling-over-milgram · 2 months

Text

DEPICTIONS OF ES (and other prisoners) IN MV’s

Revisiting the topic of this post now with a better understanding of the characters and Deep Cover :)

Returning to Tear Drop there’s something I want to talk about that I didn’t cover the first time which is where exactly Es is placed in the scene.

We see from the opening scene there is a table and since both Yuno and the Client are sitting at it we can tell there are atleast two chairs. We can’t see anymore chairs the many time this table reappears in the MV so we can conclude that there are only two chairs at the table.

We see the plushie that represents Es , Milgram prison and the audience seated in a chair. It must be sitting in one of said two chairs since we can tell from the Yuno’s shots in the first scene that the chair we see the plushie in is the same as the two at the table

And because we know it’s placed on one of two chairs we should now be able to narrow down which one. Based on these shots the plushie seems to be placed in the chair of the client. To steal a term from 74n5n school girl Yuno is sitting in her chair like in the first scene then cat girl Yuno stands next to her and points. Since school girl Yuno is in the same place that means that the plushie must be in the clients chair. (Quick side note I released while writing this part that if the plushie is in the clients chair that the client must of left but school girl yuno is still sitting in the chair even though he isn’t there any more…even though he has left her at this point)

She mentality has placed the plushie , placed Es in the chair (in the role?) of her client. I believe this is because she see’s Es and by extension the audience as viewing her for only the mask she puts on and only what they want to see like she mentions , projecting their ideas onto her.

Returning to a point I made the last time. Yuno has the power in this scene. Es is represented as but a plushie and such they can not talk. The plushie shares a resemblance to the plushie from the first scene.

Though I’m still not quite sure what to make of this? The plushie in this scene is given to Yuno by the client symbol perhaps of his feelings? The lyrics of “the wanted(yuno) wanting the wanter(client)” so if the plushie represents how Yuno perceives the clients surface level feelings for his desired version of her then that could explain why the Es plushie resembles it? Since Yuno views their views on her as similar? Uhh idk…If there are an Yuno scholars in the audience feel free to correct me ^^;

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Now Backdraft time! >:]

Fuuta and Es clearly seem to mirror each other here. This is clearly meant as a visual representation how similar their actions are. Unlike Yuno who purely portrays Es as less powerful. I feel Fuuta more portrays Es as taking his role. Yuno portrays Es as taking on the role of her client and fuuta portrays Es as taking on his role. His role as the judge and as someone who holds wrong doers responsible for their actions.

Notably Es aside from not being graffiti is portrayed the same as the prisoners. Being full blacked out aside from their clothes.

Speaking of other prisoners! Let’s talk about them the prisoners(and Es) are somewhere between Fuuta , his victim and the rest of the online group and the people who were channeled. They aren’t out right twisted into monsters but they are dehumanised in a sense since they don’t have faces and are graffiti. I find it interesting that the graffiti is graffitied with red. Of course this is the colour of the guilty verdict but also Fuuta’s spray paint and the black paint that is used to hide their identifiable features outside of clothing is the colour of es’s spray paint at the end of the MV.

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okay so time for a MV I didn’t cover last time because that post was purely focused on Es and because it’s something I’ve only noticed recently ^^;

we see in Cat the numbers 02/03/04 appear when Kazui’s glass is knocked over. Now I’m not entirely convinced myself these are supposed to correspond to prisoners but I thought I’ve cover it just in case.

Yuno and Fuuta both have connections to kazui. Yuno and kazui are prominent character parallels. Muu is a bit strange though…and the song completely skips over one.

as for the lyrics displayed on screen they generally make sense for the prisoners associated with the numbers

Like yuno’s number has cat for obvious reasons.

Smashing and shattering seems pretty in line with Fuuta and same with bye bye. It also is kinda similar to bang ba bang?

Muu doesn’t so much lie as take on the role of the victim. She isn’t lying about the events just manipulating them but for kazui lying and acting a role are sort of conflated so the lying could be seen as ‘put on a role till it gets better’ ??? As for the rest , Muu is heavily associated with followers (the other bully girls/haruka) and with royalty so it fits.

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Next The Purge March

The first thing I want to make note of is that the Amane on the ground here is in a very similar position to Fuuta at the end of Back Draft and the other Amane who’s shadow becomes Es is in a similar position to Es at the end of Back Draft.

other then that theres the continued theme of Es taking on a role in the prisoners mind. This time of amane’s mother/cult/the person who delivers punishment. ————————————————————————————————

Continuing to Deep Cover

Now I personally believe that the scale chess piece represents multiple things. I think you could equally argue for the scale chess piece being Es or Kotoko but for the sake of the post we will continuing under that interpretation this chess piece represents Es. Assuming this is the case this would be first time “Es” has appeared visually in multiple scenes.

the way the prisoners are portrayed is really similar to how both Fuuta‘s and Amane’s Mv’s portrayed them as shadows with out distinguishable features and funnily enough flat and two dimensional (aside from Es at the end of Back Draft of course)

And while we are making comparisons Deep Cover also is similar to Tear Drop in its use if chairs and a table.

but something fairly unique to Kotoko is how she portrays the prisoners pieces as broken. An argument could be made that Fuuta’s portrayal of the other guilty prisoners and himself as vandalised is similar but it feels different. Even Yuno who destroys the room by the end it doesn’t seem there is any evidence of her ripping up plushie Es.

then there is how Kotoko portrays the prisoners as chess pieces. I’m no chess expert but I strongly associate it with scarfing in the name of winning the game and I feel that lines up with Kotoko’s mindset towards the other prisoners and other “evils” of the world. That they should be hurt and stoped and scarified for the greater good but the chess metaphor also could be how she views herself as on the opposing side to the prisoners. You try to kill? Capture? Take out? (I’ve never been clear on exactly what happens to the pieces in chess) the opponents pieces so you my reach the king (the root or source one might say) and get rid of him. Again lines up pretty well with how Kotoko’s views the word , take out the “evil” before it can hurt the weak (her side?). Chess is such loaded symbolism that I can’t dig into every possible connotation or meaning here so I’ll leave it at this for now. ————————————————————————————————

And to end off revisiting the comparison’s from the original post

-all the appearances still focus on judgment in some sense: Yuno judges Es for their judgment and as commentary on the voting system. / Fuuta is also being judged and is judging Es for their judgement. / Amane is being judged and punished and she to in the prior line is judging Es for their judgments / a big part of Deep Cover is Kotoko judging Es for their judgments and the song is almost entirely about judgment of herself , other prisoners and judgment of judgment.

-yuno’s and fuuta’s MVs have a prominent focus on eyes where as Deep Cover and Pruge March are the opposite with there being no eyes. Though Amane’s next line does reference eyes. “I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed”

-Es still can’t and doesn’t speak in any of the forms where they are shown.

-Es is still always shown in the centre of the frame. Except for this shot in Deep Cover.

-there is still a focus on hands in all the shots expect for The Purge March and some shots in Deep Cover.

-The shots colours no longer mainly consist of the characters main colour and a gold esc colour and black. (Though this point was always a bit of a stretch)

-The character singing is not in frame / we see Es through the pov of the prisoner still carries over for the most part apart from again this Deep Cover shot.

-I noted the power dynamics partly earlier in the post. Of course the backdraft/tear drop/the purge march points remain the same as the original post. In Back Draft Es has the power. They are the judge they are the one channeling they are the one with the spray can and who is standing up but in tear drop , Yuno portrayed as with the power Es is portrayed as a powerless plushie who can’t talk or move. Yuno is very much judging Es then the other way round. She reimagined them as a stuffed toy something we generally view as childish. Purge march brings us back to Es having all the power. With them being the one who judges the others and in Deep Cover , Kotoko has all the power! She has not only taken the position of the judge like Yuno did but kotoko has taken on the role and appearance of a warden again is very much judging everyone.

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#Milgram #It is very late at night so apologies in advance for any spelling mistakes that were not caught on the proof read ^^;

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sciderman · 2 months

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do you ever think that maybe a lot older comics with nerdy main characters are just... The MCs just have high functioning autism but at that point in time autism was just viewed as kids acting out and being aggressive because of stigma so the writers wouldn't have written that they have autism because of how negatively it was viewed. Because looking back today I feel like especially in older comics from like the 80s, there's a lot of main characters who display signs of autism but they wouldn't have been considered as autistic behaviour because again of the stigma surrounding it at the time. Just a thought id like to share.

i think there's something there, for sure! i can't speak to every older comic about nerdy main characters - the only one i've read is spider-man and i don't think there's any doubt at all that he's a neurodivergent king. always has been. always will be.

peter's kind of always been victim to misinterpretation by people around him - kind of always having the desire to escape social situations - kind of just - yeah. i've always read him as autistic. and yeah, it might be the stigma, but i also think it's just - a lot of people go undiagnosed. and, well, you know, it's a spectrum, everyone falls on it, to varying degrees. and not everyone needs or pursues a diagnosis. i've been told i'm probably on the spectrum - even doctors when i was a tiny child observed my behaviours and thought i might be on the spectrum, but i've not had any sort of formal diagnosis and probably never will pursue it because - i guess i Am high-functioning and i feel like a lot of the problems i face are things i can manage.

i think that's the case for a lot of people in the world - not just me. that yeah, you recognise there are shortcomings you have that aren't always in your control, but you do your best to keep your head afloat. i don't think any brain is normal. and i think there's a benefit to having characters like peter parker who face these very familiar neurodivergent troubles but - without any sort of formal diagnosis. like, it makes me feel less alone when i see peter parker struggling in social situations because i see myself. and other people might see themselves. it's like, it's a nice access point.

i don't know what sort of impact it would make to talk about this sort of thing canonically - i do like characters that you can project onto. that you can interpret in different ways. i don't know what the world would be like if marvel decreed peter parker was canonically autistic. but i think most people do kind of think he is. and i think a lot of his fanbase love him for those traits because they see themselves in him. i don't know if making him canonically autistic and giving him a diagnosis in canon would help or hurt that - i think there probably still is a stigma, and i think marvel would be too cowardly to do it because - because once you put the label on it, you have to tread more carefully and do more research. if you keep it vague, you can't offend anyone. i know that maybe, if peter had an official autistic diagnosis there might be cries of oh! he's a bad example! he's too stereotypical, or he's too violent, or he's wah wah wah. maybe it's better to keep it vague. so everyone can see themselves in him, even if they're not ready to admit that their brain might be freakier than they think.

i think i love peter parker for being a character who definitely has a weird brain that trips him up constantly and still keeps fighting for his life, day to day. me too, buddy.

#sci speaks #sci talks comics

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johannestevans · 11 months

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so irritable about the guy being like "Oh, how dare we treat these hot models like SEX OBJECTS, why don't we talk about their FEELINGS" bc it's like. you feel guilt about being attracted to this hot guy, and to assuage your guilt for being a sexual being w sexual drives... this

models do not owe you their interiority. sex workers do not owe you their interiority. nobody owes you a sense of a deep or intimate connection bc you want to self-flagellate so badly over your flesh-hunger and your desire to nut like

as an adult

"why aren't we talking about his inner thoughts!" he doesn't owe you that.

he is providing a service: he is modelling, he is showing off his body, he is presenting himself as art. he is encouraging you to enjoy his position as a sexual object, an object of your desire

you can desire him or you can not desire him. that's okay either way. it is okay and it is natural to desire others. it is okay and natural to sexualise others, to think about their bodies, to be horny about them, to be horny in general, to jack off about them

it is not shameful to be the OBJECT of sexual desire. it does not lessen us to be desired. we do not become less human, or somehow get LESS valuable as people, bc others desire us and want to fuck us. that's a thing YOU're projecting onto them

ppl did this ALL the time when i was doing sex work, and they do it all the time to sex workers and models. they just feel So Guilty about their position in relation to you and your body and your sexual skill that they want to Connect With You

bc if they Connect With You, the Real You, they won't feel guilty for what they perceive as sexually exploiting you, but it's like. even if that person felt exploited, the solution would not be to be like, your bestie? what the fuck is that gonna do? that's just YOUR feelings

give them more money. give them more days off. give them better health insurance if they're in a dystopian country like the US. campaign for their rights as workers, get them a union, i reiterate, give them more money.

but your feelings and your desire to connect w them is worthless and is self-indulgent.

it's not dissimilar to the urge people have to treat domestic workers as "part of the family" in order to assuage guilt they have at exploiting them for their domestic labour

just give them more money and help them w resources you have? like. someone who works as a cleaner does not need to be your best friend or be treated like an aunt or grandma or whatever. if you feel guilty, just give them more money and make their life more stable

idk man it's so frustrating bc there's a lot of moral performance, but also just a lot of fucking like. FEELINGS and guilt nonsense and it's just like. stop wanking over your fucking feelings, they are only valuable to YOU. do some actual WORK and HELP somebody

#musings

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chaos-of-the-abyss · 2 months

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i recently finished rewatching psycho pass season 1 and, as always, the thoughts about makishima shogo are flowing. i think, on my first watch of the show, i didn't quite understand makishima's character or the messages that it was presenting, but i think i've got a better grasp on it now, so. here are my two cents that no one asked for.

there are two words i predominantly associate with makishima: isolation and boredom, though my main focus is on the former as i feel the latter is not true apathy but rather a byproduct of isolation. makishima is isolated because of his criminally asymptomatic nature, meaning that sibyl, the system presiding over all of japan's society in the setting of psycho pass, has no power over him. no matter what he does, no matter what kind of person he is or how many heinous deeds he commits, makishima will always be an upstanding citizen in the eyes of sibyl. in a manner of speaking, sibyl, the ultimate authority of the world he lives in, cannot "see" him, and he himself is unable to change this fact. and because makishima is isolated, cut off from the rest of the world and the people around him, in such an extreme manner, he's bored.

the rest is under the cut for length. and fair warning, this entire post is pretty much me going:

so. in kogami's assessment of makishima, he basically likens makishima and all his actions - his manipulations of the people around him, his murders, both direct and indirect, his attempted bioterrorism - to a kid throwing a tantrum about being left out. kogami here, i believe, is in some ways projecting a part of himself onto makishima, but that's not a topic for this post. suffice to say that despite his projecting, kogami isn't entirely inaccurate. makishima is a lonely person who wants to destroy a society and a system that rejects and denies his existence and personhood. once again, in sibyl's eyes, no matter who makishima really is, it doesn't matter. all that sibyl cares about is that his crime coefficient has never exceeded regulation level, and therefore he's a model citizen. ironically, makishima is subjected to sibyl's dehumanization just as much as any other individual in psycho pass' setting. people don't matter to sibyl, who they are inside and who they are to other people don't matter to sibyl. only their crime coefficient and their psycho pass do. while, in the enforcers like kogami, the issue of sibyl's dehumanization is highlighted through the fact that many of them are not bad people at all and yet they're treated like disposable assets, in makishima's case, it's the opposite. he's a murderer and a terrorist who can kill people without blinking an eye, but sibyl doesn't care about that. sibyl doesn't care that he's not a good person, his numbers are perfect and that's all that matters. who he is doesn't matter. (though i will note that i think makishima's status as a villain is muddled by the dystopian nature of sibyl and psycho pass' setting, but we can all at least agree that he's not a good person.) it's dehumanization; it's just that for makishima, it's the opposite of the typical trajectory with which that dehumanization is applied. arguably, and as kogami states, this could be taken by some people to be a blessing - after all, yippee, i can do whatever i want since my numbers will never exceed the accepted norm - but makishima takes it as an indication of how alienated he is.

makishima tells akane that he believes the only time people's actions have worth is when they commit them of their own free will, and that he wants to see the splendor of the human soul and judge for himself whether that's a good or bad thing. i think makishima feels that he has never truly been able to interact with others due to the overarching, restricting influence of sibyl. people can't let their true desires and wishes out because it would stigmatize them in sibyl's eyes. therefore, they are not acting of their own free will, and what they do does not represent the human soul that makishima claims he wants to see. therefore he wants people to break out of those restraints and be more "honest" about who they are. however, it's also that sense of isolation that makishima feels that hinders him from truly interacting with others on the same level. this is significant because, as shown by the series, interaction between people is one of the major factors that help individuals solidify and develop their own sense of self. kogami rediscovers his idealism and his sense of right and wrong by working under akane, which is something he tells her in the second(?) episode: that he feels that, under her, he might be able to be a detective, not just a hunting dog. akane, too, in interacting with kogami and to a lesser extent, ginoza, and the other enforcers, develops a strong grasp on what she believes to be just. by the end of season 1, she has a firm understanding of her own ideals which she lacked at the beginning, in part thanks to her experiences with those around that have helped her flourish.

as i said, though, makishima is unable to really, meaningfully interact with others - at least outside of a handful of people - and so his introspection and self-understanding have been considerably hampered. makishima is a very outwardly-knowledgable person and makes no secret of it, but i don't think he knows himself very well. he receives mixed messages from the dissonance between his own actions and sibyl's assessment of him, and the confusion, for lack of a better word, is only exacerbated because he feels that he can't have relationships with others that are actually worth anything. not only does he feel alienated by the world because he's criminally asymptomatic, but he also feels alientated by everyone around him. therefore, he seeks companionship (and utility, of course, but that's not the focus of this post) in seemingly like-minded people, who also appear to, in one way or another, reject and be rejected by the society that they live in. it's to foster meaningful connection that can actually teach him something - though i don't think he's consciously aware that this is part of his motivations - because he wants to know himself. essentially, he looks for himself in other people. But these other people, his accomplices - like masatake and rikako - disappoint him and fail to give him that companionship he seeks because they are ultimately also lacking their own sense of self.

in masatake's case, he is able to flawlessly play the role of multiple avatars because he relies on them - made-up, virtual constructs - to give him his identity. it's precisely because he has no well-defined "self" to speak of that he can, not only emulate the original owner of the avatar, but surpass them in his ability to embody and become their avatar. due to lacking his own unique identity, he serves no purpose to makishima, so makishima kills him. when it comes to rikako, while makishima is initially interested in her because of her resentment towards sibyl, said resentment and her resulting murders are very directly tied to her father, his beliefs, and his works. as kogami puts it, she lacks originality, because what she's doing is ultimately lashing out at the world for what was done to her father, not because she has some dissatisfaction with sibyl on her own independent principles. though, an aside: i actually think rikako does have some genuine frustrations with society less related to her father's situation, but they don't hold particularly significant sway over her. maybe if they had, makishima might have at least kept her alive longer.

as for senguji, i have less of an understanding of what makishima thought of him in comparison to masatake and rikako, probably because it's a little more ambiguous about whether makishima truly and totally cut him off like he did those other two, or if he was just going for a coin toss to see of senguji could survive his games. but i digress. my approximation is that senguji, despite his platitudes about the wonders of his near-complete cyborgification(? is that a word?), is actually deeply bored and dissatisfied, in part because so much of him is mechanical. being a cyborg means that most of the prey he hunts essentially poses little threat to him, and this gap is further widened by the fact that the "hunts" take place in senguji's own territory, so to speak. they aren't actual challenges. they don't truly stimulate him, but much like makishima who knows so little about his own self, senguji doesn't realize that. makishima, of course, who is ever-attuned to the people around him, picks up on this, which is why he tampers senguji's "game" with kogami to introduce unexpected variables that enable kogami to pose a legitimate threat to senguji. and, as senguji notes, only then does it sink in that he hasn't felt truly alive in a long time. the last time he did was when he was in a war zone, in mortal danger with his friend shot dead right next to him. in the present game with kogami - someone skilled and dangerous and as much of a threat to senguji as senguji is to him, unlike all of senguji's other hunts - senguji is once again in extreme peril, and for the first time in so long, he experiences that sensation of being alive. also, note the obvious parallel of makishima, at the top of the NONA tower, thanking kogami for doing away with his boredom for a little while. i'm pretty sure this is intentional; senguji's whole deal with boredom and dissatisfaction is, just like with all of makishima's accomplices, meant as a narrative reflection of makishima.

i would also feel remiss if i didn't talk about choe gu-sung. (who i'm pretty sure is korean btw. i don't believe his nationality is ever stated, other than that he is a foreigner, but the way his name is pronounced by the other characters - "chwae goo-seong" - lends itself perfectly to korean syllables. anyway.) gu-sung is interesting because, aside from kogami, he is the only person to pretty much sustain and live through the, shall we say, conundrum of makishima's interest. makishima does not kill gu-sung; they're in league until the very end, and in fact it's during their shared plan which they conducted together that gu-sung is killed by sibyl, and makishima actually has a faint but noticeable reaction to this. it's easy to see that gu-sung is more up his alley than masatake, rikako, and senguji. notably their dynamic is also different from that of makishima and his other accomplices, because they actually have normal (semi-normal...) discussions and makishima discusses and debates literature with him in the same way that he does with kogami. makishima is maybe not totally honest or open with gu-sung, but he is genuine with him. i think this is because, from what i can tell, gu-sung is someone who does have a true, defined sense of identify, and legitimate awareness about his own self. he doesn't get much expansion and we never know anything significant about him other than that he is a foreigner, a latent criminal, and a genius hacker, but what sticks out to me is that he's open about and aware of the fact that makishima has a certain engaging effect on him. in gu-sung's words, when "i'm with him, i feel like i've gone back to my childhood". additionally, during his conversation with kagari as the latter is trying to find and arrest him, gu-sung explains his dislike for the sibyl system and the fact that it forced him to live like a hunted rat, running from corner to corner. this antipathy comes from a sincere place, and doesn't seem to be tied to anyone's opinion other than gu-sung's own. i think makishima liked that about him: his self-awareness, his understanding of his own personal resentment and dissatisfactions, and his willingness to acknowledge those things as a part of himself. gu-sung is the opposite of makishima in some ways, imo. they're both geniuses, but while makishima is more oriented toward planning and widespread manipulation, gu-sung is a specialist who is unparalleled in his particular niche. their inverse duality is even partially highlighted by their dialogue, right before they commence with their plan to plunge the town into chaos using the cymatic scan-fooling helmets. gu-sung says he is a foreigner, and i believe he also says he's grateful just to be able to live in this country, while makishima states that he was born and raised in this town. despite their differences, they share a grievance with the system, and they have united to address that grievance. it definitely says something that makishima has someone like gu-sung in his life; someone who you could look at and call his friend, regardless of what those two considered themselves to be.

...all that word vomit to say that the people makishima abandoned and killed - masatake, rikako, and probably senguji - are mirrors to his own lack of self-understanding and lack of a fixed sense of identity. meanwhile his one lasting relationship aside from kogami is with gu-sung, who stands in narrative opposition to him in the ways i described. what i'm trying to get at is that masatake and rikako definitely, and senguji maybe, don't give makishima a true look at the human soul he wants to witness - at least in his view they don't. therefore makishima, still isolated and without companionship even while in their presence, grows bored and ultimately kills them. that's where kogami comes in. kogami, i believe, satisfies makishima's desire for companionship, or at least makishima grows less isolated in his presence. unlike masatake and rikako, kogami knows himself, and i'd argue has a better grasp of himself than ever by the time he meets makishima face-to-face thanks to coming to know akane. i'm reminded especially of his conversation with masaoka right before he (kogami) leaves the public safety bureau to hunt down makishima, when he explains that his actions aren't out a sense of ideals or an intolerance for evil, but rather that this is what he wants to do, and if he doesn't end things with makishima now, he will grow to resent himself. his self-awareness and defined identity means that with kogami, makishima is not left feeling bored and dissatisfied.

but it goes further! kogami, like makishima, is someone who both rejects and is rejected by the sibyl system, the dominant power governing the society they live in. sibyl rejects kogami as a latent criminal, but kogami also proves that he denounces it right back when he chooses to go off and try to kill makishima on his own, even though sibyl wants makishima alive. in other words, makishima's solitude as a pariah is understood on a fundamental level by kogami. not only that, but kogami, like makishima, is in some ways like a kid lashing out at being excluded, which makishima comments on at the end of episode 21 in response to kogami calling him out as such. according to makishima, kogami is angry that his own suspicions regarding sasayama's death were rejected by sibyl, that his own anger about letting sasayama die was simply ignored and swept under the rug, and he was left to process it by himself. and it was an outburst of that anger that provoked him to leave everything he had at the bureau behind and truly put a target on his back, perhaps for the rest of his life, in order to confront and put an end to makishima. this mirrors kogami's judgement that makishima's actions are essentially a temper tantrum that his feelings of solitude are not even seen, much less acknowledged, by the world around him. and just like how i stated at the beginning of this now-obscenely long post that kogami was projecting a bit in his assessment of makishima, i also believe makishima is projecting a bit right back. but, again, like kogami's assessment, makishima's assessment isn't necessarily invalid or incorrect just because he has personal biases mixed up in it. his words to kogami have a degree of truth to them. in this way - both of them acting a little like kids, both of them projecting in their evaluation of the other as someone acting like a kid - they are also similar.

one more thing that i'd like to say regarding kogami and makishima is that it is stressed many times throughout the season how well kogami can put himself in makishima's shoes and replicate his thinking. while akane gains some understanding of makishima's thought processes over time and interaction, by her own admission, kogami is even better than her at gauging makishima, and this is because the two of them think alike naturally. it's why kogami has such a good nose for what's really going on behind the scenes throughout the season; because his thought processes are similar to makishima's, he can easily parse out what's up. i don't think this requires much further explanation since it's very cut and dry as another way that the two men are alike.

the final point about kogami's significance to makishima, specifically how he relates to makishima's solitude and boredom, is that makishima at his core is someone who wishes to be seen and judged. the sibyl system, and by extension society, has refused to give this to him. the person he is is not seen, much less judged, because, once again, all that matters to sibyl are his numbers. it's precisely because of this that he feels isolated and wishes to be acknowledged and judged as everyone else is; but in a vicious cycle, makishima's inability to receive that acknowledgement and judgement feeds right back into his deep sense of isolation. it's like a positive feedback loop, wherein the cause contributes to the effect and the effect contributes to the cause. however - kogami does see makishima. kogami does judge him, and he judges makishima just the same as sibyl would other murderers in the series: as someone who deserves to die. in other words, makishima is finally getting equal treatment from someone. the isolation that he experiences as a result of his perpetually clear psycho pass and his stable crime coefficient is stripped away when it comes to kogami, because kogami doesn't care about those things - he cares about who makishima is. and to him makishima is a murderer and a criminal who painfully killed one of his friends, and just like any other murderer and criminal under sibyl, is to be killed. plus, notice how makishima is typically very calm and serene when interacting with others, but grows markedly more animated and excited when interacting with kogami, be that through talking or fighting. that's the isolation and boredom that he's stewed in his entire life, evaporating in kogami's presence. ultimately, makishima's solitude is alleviated, and his desire to be seen and judged is fulfilled... because of kogami.

it's just as akane says.

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femmefatalevibe · 9 months

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how do I stop letting other people take up too much space in my thoughts? I don’t mean thinking about someone and wondering what they are doing, more thinking about why someone would do something to me (nothing terrible, just blocking me on a social media site for seemingly no reason) or thinking about things I want to do but caring too much about hurting other people’s feeling to do it (like confronting her and asking why she blocked me (it sounds a bit accusatory and maybe it’s a misunderstanding, she could have deleted her account or given her brother her phone and he blocked me or or or…)) I wish I could be a bit more of a bitch.

Hi love! I think there are three crucial mindset reframes you can implement here to stop over-worrying about what other people think of you:

Remember what others think and do is out of your control. You can only filter your own thoughts and control how you behave/deal with different situations and social interactions.

What others think about you is none of your business, unless they communicate an issue to you directly. An interpersonal conflict doesn't exist if the other person doesn't know about it. If someone is ruminating over a perceived issue they have with you or gossiping to others behind your back, they're merely engaging in negative self-talk or projecting this self-inflicted negativity onto others to gain attention and/or validation for their own problems. If someone blocks you without discussing a problem they had with you, this act is merely a self-protection mechanism for the other person. It has next to nothing (or anything) to do with your character but how this person needs to see you in their story to validate their own feelings/self-concept. Everyone strives to be the hero in their own story. To move forward with your life, you have to accept this fact and understand you might be perceived as the villain in someone's life narrative. Internalizing this essential interpersonal differentiation is essential for personal growth and your own self-esteem.

All of this unnecessary time spent ruminating about what others think of you could be better used to put energy into yourself. Instead of spending your time wondering why someone might not like you or what they wish you would say/do, consider who you want to show up as in life: What are your values, desires, interests, and goals do you want to pursue? How do you want to live your daily life? Who do you want to associate yourself with? How do you want to spend your time? What activities drain you and which give you joy? Putting yourself first is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and for your relationship with others. It allows you to see you both as two whole individuals and show up as each others' cheerleaders instead as codependents attempting to perpetually soothe each others' egos.

Hope this helps xx

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qqueenofhades · 1 year

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Okay – so! Thank you for all that you do for fandom and The History side of tumblr- it’s a LOT.

I’m struggling with mapping a historical accuracy/fanon vs. canon concept. I hope you can help me untangle my thoughts on this. Diverse representation in media is very important to me; and I’m also aware of the damage that the ‘colour-blind’ casting can do. So! I’m trying to reconcile a common fandom perception that Hob Gadling is of South-East Asian decent. (I know that Ferdie is!- I also have seen zero evidence that he claims Desi Diaspora as part of his identity. It makes me really uncomfortable that fandom might be projecting their desire for ‘Representation’ onto a man who lives outside his ancestral culture.)

What I do know is that Hob is a medieval freeman (?) from the south of England in the 1300s. I wonder at the possibility of his CHARACTER being of mixed race? I know that Briton and Europe and Africa were in trade. I know that People of colour moved freely around the continents!

I’ve done some research into London population polls from the time, but I’m not certain of their degree of accuracy/usefulness. They describe immigrants as ‘aliens’.. and most I’ve seen are European. I haven’t even come across evidence of Muslim or ‘Moorish’ people settling in London???!

The written history I’ve read tells me the Europeans didn’t establish trade with India until the mid 1400s. (How it’s possible they didn’t know about each other is Baffling and seems impossible??) Anyway. The crux of the matter is: would Hob Gadling possibly been of mixed heritage?

I mean yes, technically, he COULD be. The most logical route for that would be to give him some family heritage from somewhere in Spain, or Iberia, which was a fully mixed-race society until well into the 13th/14th century, and was in regular trade and communication with England. The medieval Iberian Christian kingdoms of Castile-León, Aragon, and Navarre particularly were close trading partners and English/Iberian royalty married each other fairly often. It was somewhat less the case by the time Hob was born in the 1350s, but there is certainly enough previous contact to make it feasible. Muslims, Christians, and Jews all lived in Iberia (how much they all co-existed has long been one of the most debated questions in religious/historical studies), and Muslims had a presence in Spain for over 700 years, since the first arrivals in 711 CE following the collapse of the Umayyad dynasty in Baghdad, until their final expulsion under Ferdinand and Isabella in 1492.

The question, however, is if he SHOULD be headcanoned or identified as mixed-race, and while I am the least fandom-policey person ever and respect people's right to enjoy their own ideas in peace, it personally makes me a little uncomfortable. It feels related to the "fandom activism!" mindset where you should ship a more Morally Pure OTP, or your favorite is "better" if they can be somehow identified with a marginalized group, regardless of whether this fits or makes sense for the character. And in this case, Hob’s background as a good-looking white British bloke with an appropriately English-sounding name, as I describe him in AITWW, is central to both his character arc, his major mistakes, and how he has to learn and grow over time. It was absolutely vital to me that in AITWW, he had to explicitly confront the massive amounts of unearned privilege that he enjoyed over the centuries by being born into that body, and how it would be very different for him if he hadn't been. As his friend Julia puts it in their discussion in chapter 13, he had the luck to be born into a body that society automatically privileges and values and places into positions of power whether or not he deserves it, and as a black woman, she thinks immortality sounds absolutely awful. Why would she want to put up with the absolute shit it would be to live 600 years, at least in the Western world/America/Europe, in that embodiment?

Likewise, Hob agrees and admits that of course it's easy for him to want to live forever and maintain enthusiasm for life, because whatever difficulties he has faced, his race and gender have not contributed to them (which is the essence of white privilege in a nutshell). And of course, the urge to make him mixed-race might reflect some discomfort with his actual canon background and involvement in slavery, no matter if he obviously feels terribly guilty and driven to atone for over 200 years after that (as he SHOULD). In some sense, making him mixed-race might seem to mitigate that or give some reason to make him "sympathetic" while he was doing it, and frankly, I don't think 18th-century Hob deserves to get off the hook for being yet another British white man who might have felt bad about what he was doing at times, but continued to do it anyway. I'm not saying this is anyone's motive or intention, but it does trouble me, especially since Hob’s whiteness, the damage of that whiteness, and the way he has to deliberately and extensively unlearn that urge to just live life on easy mode regardless of the damage it does to others is what I find so interesting about his character. In short, if Hob was part of a racially marginalized group already, he might have made different choices, but he didn't, and now he is forced to literally live with that guilt and shame forever. He doesn't get to exonerate himself, and nor do I do it for him.

Lastly, I think this reflects a very modern and somewhat over-simplified way of thinking; to our modern and institutionally-racist-pickled brains, race is the chief category that can be explicitly constructed as Otherness, and doesn't reflect the very unclear way this was perceived and experienced in the 14th century. I.e., you note that immigrants to England "were mostly European" -- which is true, but does not reflect the dizzying array then as now, in which local, national, ethnic, and religious identities were constructed. One unattractive feature of the English national character over many centuries has been their hostility and distrust of foreigners, and this was especially the case in the 14th and especially late-14th, post-Black Plague society. For example, the Flemish were regarded as "morally inferior" since they ran several well-known brothels and red-light districts in Southwark, across the Thames from London (now part of the city), and that meant they were purveying immorality, rather than being there since the English desired their services. Xenophobia was especially rampant against "strangers" of any type, especially against Jews again post-Black Death for sadly predictable anti-Semitic reasons, and even being from continental Europe would not have made someone "English" in their eyes. Even by the Elizabethan era, it was almost impossible for a foreign-born citizen (or "denizen," meaning something akin to "permanent resident") to get licensed as a guildsman in the city of London, and without that license, you could not run a business, practice a trade, or engage in substantial paid work in any way.

Likewise, medieval notions of race were fluid, uncertain, and often linked to religion more than ethnic origin. There are several Arthurian legendarium reworkings, and epic poems such as The King of Tars, where the "happy" ending is that the mixed-race, Muslim, or black hero is converted to Christianity and abandons whatever untrue pagan religion he has been following before. This is often accompanied with a literal physical transformation turning him from black- or dark-skinned (impure) to white (pure). So yes, racial thinking and categories did exist, but it wasn't seen as fixed or unalterable, and again, wasn't really the first or primary way in which Otherness was constructed (compared to say, "Saracen," which functioned throughout almost the entire medieval era as a marker of difference and had varied racial, religious, sexual, and ethnic connotations, but originally came from the term for Muslims).

So anyway: hopefully that all makes sense and provides some context in both my historical and fandom thinking on the matter. Thanks for the question!

#auressea #ask #hob gadling #history #medieval history #history of racism

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