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randomscropio · 7 months

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Finding Out and Coming Out

A pre-cannon Inanimate Insanity fic I made from a writing prompt generator. Warnings: Humanized Object Shows (II), yelling, doctors, mild swear words (I think they're mild at least), anxiety (mentioned), gender dysmorphia (I don't think I wrote it very well, I'm sorry!), enbyphobia (in the sense that the character with it thinks that there are only two genders (male and female) and that other genders are unessassary and are just people who want to be labeled), she/her Paintbrush (only until they realize they're nonbinary, then they use they/them pronouns)

"What the hell is the condition of my child?" Paintbrush's father yelled, Paintbrush flinched and pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head.

"Look, sir. There is nothing wrong with your child, other than the fact that she may have anxiety." The doctor said in a voice that was calm but firm.

"This was a waste of time." Paintbrush's father muttered to himself.

"Whatever! I don't need a goddamn doctor!" He yelled.

Yeah, it's not like they spend years earning their degrees and know more about the human body than you do. Paintbrush thought sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Come on, Paintbrush." Paintbrush's father grabbed her wrist.

___

She looked in the mirror. "God, my body looks wrong. What's wrong with me?" She asked herself. She had been asking herself this for a while. She didn't feel like a girl or a guy. Was there a secret third option that she didn't know about?

"This is your fault, Paintbrush." She told herself. She blew a piece of blond hair out of her face, the purple that she died her tips was fading out.

Maybe she should die it again. That wasn't the point. She went into her room and pulled out her phone. "Why don't I feel like a girl or a guy?" She said slowly, typing the words into Google. As usual, there were many results. She looked at one of the terms ", "nonbinary, and copied and pasted it into the serch bar.

She clicked a drop-down on one of the "people also ask" things that read "What is the literal meaning of nonbinary?" genders that don't fit into two categories, male or female." She muttered. Her eyes widened.

Am I nonbinary? She asked herself. I don't feel like a girl or a guy, so I am nonbinary, right?

___

"Hey, Lightbulb?" "What's up?" Lightbulb asked. "I did some research last night and, well..."

"What is it?"

"So, you know how you were born a guy but feel like a girl? Not that you aren't a girl, you are it's just!-"

"Painty, I understand what you're saying. Continue on!"

"Well, I don't feel like a girl or a guy, and my body just looks... wrong. Again, I don't feel like a guy or a girl! It's just, ugh! It's so confusing!" She made a lot of big motions while speaking, which happened whenever she felt strong emotions.

"Ooooh! It's c isnt it!?" Lightbulb asked.

"...what?" She asked. Her voice was soft. She hated how her volume immediately lowered whenever she asked a question.

"It's another way to say nonbinary. Which, I'm pretty sure, is what you are!"

Paintbrush nodded. "Okay, thanks. I wasn't sure if I am or not..."

"No problem, Painty!" Lightbuld patted Paintbrush on the back. "Are you still comfortable with she/her or..?"

"Honesty? I don't know why but, whenever she/her is used on me it doesn't feel right, but it's the same thing with he/him, and I don't know if there are any other pronouns!"

"There are tons more! But how about they/them?"

"That sounds a lot better." Paintbrush nodded

"They/them it is then! Make sure to tell your parents."

"Thanks."

___

Paintbrush sighed.

"Come on, you can do this." They whispered to themself. "Mom? Dad?"

"Yeah?" The two parents said at the same time.

"Can we... talk?"

"Sure, Paintbrush." Their mom responded, for both herself and Paintbrush's dad.

"Okay, meet me upstairs, please." A few moments after Paintbrush sat down on the couch, their parents came in. "Okay, so I've been questioning what my gender is for a while and finally figured it out." They took a deep breath. "I'm nonbinary."

"...what the hell does that mean?"

Paintbrush's mom looked at their father, mouth agape. "Pallet!" She said.

"It means that I'm not a girl or a boy."

"Those are the only two genders, though!"

"No, they aren't! There are many more!"

"Ugh, whatever. They're all unnecessary."

"Well, please use they/them on me..."

"No." Their dad said simply. "Paintbrush, you are either a girl or a boy."

Paintbrush wanted to cry. "Forget this, forget I said anything." They said, walking down the stairs and to their room. They curled their knees up to their chest.

"Paintbrush? Are you okay in there?"

"Leave me alone, please." They said, just barely loud enough to hear through the door.

"Okay."

"What's going on with her?" One of Paintbrush's two younger brothers, Acrylic, asked.

"Them." Their mom corrected gently. "Your father said that they shouldn't be referred to as they/them, he thinks it's unnecessary."

"Oh. Are they going to be okay?"

"Hopefully."

"Yeah." Painrbrush muttered to themself, "hopefully"

#paintbrush ii #nonbinary pride #enbyphobia cw #gender dysmorphia cw #doctors cw

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aevris · 6 months

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autophage

(redrew some old vent art i thought was executed poorly)

#gore cw #it was originally about dysmorphia and feeling wrong in your own skin but idk what this piece implies anymore #up to interpretation i guess!#i had some gender issues at the time and was going thru a really bad anxiety flareup

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thund3randrain · 3 months

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the overwhelming urge to tear my chest apart is too real you guys :)

#im ok yall #jayden's thoughts #trans #transgender #transmasc #trans man #trans ftm #ftm #trans masc #ftm trans #trans male #trans boy #trans guy #cw body horror #cw body dysmorphia #cw gender dysphoria #gender dysphoria

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myorgansaremelting · 6 months

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body horror

warning, this is disgusting and gruesome, and everything trans people go through on a daily basis

body horror is at the bottom of the horror iceberg. Body horror is the human centipede. Body horror is incomprehensible and terrible and painful.

trans people feel like this, every. Single. Fucking. Day.

my body is not my own, and I hate it, I feel gross, it is not a part of me, I feel so wrong and gross and dirty and nasty and disgusting and I feel sick. I look at myself in the mirror and it is not me and other people love it, and I feel sick, so fucking sick, so so so so sick.

I play doctor on myself, trying to eat foods that raise testosterone and lower estrogen, I try to cut off the parts of me that aren’t supposed to be there, I scar and deform my body in disgusting ways, I try to claw my way out of my stomach to be who I truly am.

I am body horror. I am trans.

#trans guy #transgender #transgirl #transmasc #transfem #gender dysphoria #cw dysphoria #cw dysmorphia #tw dysphoria #tw dysmorphia #tw body horror #cw body horror #horror #rant post

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tumble-tv · 1 month

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Wanted to wear a dress to prom so I went dress shopping. Never again. I've haven't felt this dysphoric and dysmorphic in a while.

I love dresses even though I'm a man, but sometimes it's hard, especially when I'm reminded that I won't ever be masculine enough to wear a dress out in public and not be misgendered. I'd honestly rather be called a slur on the street for being a masculine guy with a flat chest in a dress than this.

#cw vent #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #tw dysmorphia #gender dysmorphia #body dysphoria #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #trans man #trans boy #transgender #trans #trans ftm #ftm

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8-bitbrainrot · 10 months

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themes of body dysmorphia/dysphoria, as well as mouth/teeth stuff below break!!

i finally finished my ham angst i was up to, it's not actually what i was originally gonna do and not super angsty buuuut, it's here 🙌 based on one of my headcanons ^^

ive talked about my headcanon of ham having tusks and filing them down to canines before, but i kinda just brushed it off as them feeling funny.

the original headcanon was based around him missing his spider mandibles!!! he's uncomfortable with the tusks, after living most of his life as a spider. the little fangs help him feel more comfortable in a new body ^^

but while making this i realised this could also 100% be about him not being entirely cis, and the tusks feeling too masculine

aunt may gave him a big old hug after this and said he looked lovely and he cried (in a good way)

#spiderham #peter porker #headcanons #spiderverse #itsv #atsv #peterporker #spider ham #into the spider verse #gay kid hyperfixates on pig #8-bitsart #gender: cartoon #cw dysphoria #cw dysmorphia #tw dysphoria #tw dysmorphia #cw teeth #tw teeth

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curioscurio · 2 years

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Tbh as a plus size cis woman I never would have been able to love and see the beauty of my body without the help of the trans community, specifically trans women.

I have struggled with my own femininity and physical self image for a long time because for plus size women, there is a standard you must often meet to be considered an "acceptable" version of plus size.

You must have small feet, a face with no blemishes, a distinct waist, little facial fat, insane makeup skills, basically be the picture perfect presentation of what society considers a "perfect woman."

All just to be taken seriously and to earn the privilege of not automatically being seen as an unhealthy and lazy burden to society.

If you have small breasts or no butt then you're seen as less desirable and less humanized compared to women with double d bra sizes or a "thicc" ass.

If you're unfortunate enough to lack in both departments ( raises hand lol ) then you're kind of considered a lost cause until you loose enough weight or get surgery or a boob job or anything to make up for how you look naturally.

And even if you do meet these standards, there will ALWAYS be people who will not take your Healthcare seriously and assume any health problem you may have must be because you're fat and will tell you to loose weight.

Oh you have ptsd from a traumatic situation? "It's because you're fat. Loose weight and you will feel better :)))))"

These standards are what many plus size cis women ( or any gender even ) must meet, but are also ones that trans people of all kinds must also meet in order to pass. The risk of harassment, assault, discrimination and hate crime goes way up if you are a plus size trans person as well.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there's a kind of shared standard that trans people and plus size people have to meet in order to be accepted.

Many of my body dismorphia struggles as a plus size cis woman are also shared with plus size trans women specifically, like finding a plus size bra with small cups that actually fits me and looks good since most plus size bras increase cup size as band size goes up. Finding shoes I like that come in my size that are cute and made for larger feet as well. Plus Size Clothes in general cater to mainly one body type.

That is not to say that our struggles are identical or that one group has it worse off than the other! There are lots of things about being transgender that I simply can't relate to, as a cis woman. But finding solidarity in the similarities you share with a community different from your own does not automatically mean its disrespectful of the struggles that community faces.

Tldr: Trans people helped me see the beauty in transgender bodies and changed the way I felt about my own body at a crucial point in my young life. To plus size cis people: Our similarities are just as important as our differences, and we can find an incredible amount of support, love, and acceptance from the trans community.

We have to do our best to uplift trans people in the plus size and body positivity community because we owe so much to them ❤️

#plus size #lgbtq #body positivity #cw body dysmorphia #cw body dysphoria #i hope that i was able to communicate how i feel respectfully here! if there are any parts of this that you feel i have gotten wrong or #or approached wrong please let me know! im a biswxual cis woman but i also dont want to overstep any boundaries #these are mostly my personal feelings based off my own gender struggles and how my trans friends have made my life happier #long post

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x-itzzzzzz-x · 6 months

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very upsetting to know people can see me and tell what i look like and make judgements of it actually

saw photos and videos of myself n it makes me feel nauseous to think not only do i look like that despite trying so hard not too but other people can see me and know how disgusting i am.

i never have nice photos i never feel comfortable i will never be happy with who i am

i felt so good in so many of these photos and looking at them reminds me that no matter what i do or how hard i try i’ll always be this inside and out

#autism #actually autistic #social anxiety #tw vent #bpd #body dysmorphia #gender dysphoria #vent post #rsd #self criticism #cw body image

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fansta · 9 days

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Even in my vent art I still can’t draw hands ;-;

I’m gonna tag the hell out of this one so no one gets spooked by it but if you see this and think I missed an important tag please let me know!

Sharing because even though it’s a bit distressing it’s still some cool art that I put some amount of effort into

I like getting to draw a really narsty gross face every now and then. When I’m drawing characters I’m aiming for them to look inhumanly pretty and good. So my normal artstyle doesn’t really work when I try to draw myself.

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roebeanstalk · 10 months

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lksdflsdk the cut didn't work when i posted it i didn't mean to spam my dysphoria onto your dashes

cw/dysphoria cw/gender dysmorphia cw/dysphoria cw/body image

i've come to accept a lot of what i look like, but i'm realizing it's only from specific angles.

in the past i've never been happy when i've seen my profile, but that's even worse now

i was doing a test for a work meeting thing on my ipad to make sure it could run it okay, so i had my webcam on that and on my computer - so i saw myself from multiple angles

as long as it's mostly front view, most angles are fine. above, below, and 3/4 stuff. i've gotten used to it, it doesn't really hurt me anymore (other than sometimes revealing a different angle of stubble), or at least not as much

but seeing my profile i just become aware of so many things... things i want to change - that's what i jump to immediately. i want to do the work to be okay where i am now, but this is like. a gutteral feeling.

and i can't tell if it's gender stuff, body stuff, society shame, etc. probably all of it

letting myself vent the negative, this might be mean to myself or accidentally to other people due to internalization etc etc etc: it's like. i feel like a pelican. from my chin to my adam's apple is basically a droop. my neck is so thick. my nose sharpy juts out of my face. my eyebrows are weirdly located. everything is stern and pouty and not in a hot way, in like a pathetic way. like a gross, slimy, unworthy way. like an "i wouldn't talk to me" way. i feel like my face gets swallowed by fat and neck and i just feel so gross. and it all leads down to my body which i have a million issues with, and my hair is so flat and boring and in need of a cut for more style but i also dont want to lose anymore length andsaf osdfjoisafojisa

i just like. i want to feel more okay with myself. i know that like, looking at myself and getting used to it takes time, but it also only goes so far. it's possible that eating better / getting in shape will help with it. but it also might define some of the features even more, i don't know. there's always FFS i guess, but i highly doubt that i will ever be able to afford that. hiiiighly. i'd kill to have my browbone and nose done x_X

i just want to be happy with myself or at least content and not jarring panic freakout and tanking my selfworth everytime i see myself from certain angles

it's exhausting and awful and i haaaate it

and it's easier to just never look at it again

but then, like today, i see it, and i'm like. oh GOD this is all that other people see. they know what i look like. they know what i actually look like, not what i've tricked myself into thinking that i look like. it makes me feel delusional. idk. x_X

osajidfosidafsodfosafij

just rambling to get this out instead of internalizing it lol

#robin chirps #cw dysphoria #cw gender dysphoria #cw dysmorphia #cw body image

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wisedawn13 · 1 year

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Trans Lan Zhan

CW // mentions of gender dysphoric and body dysmorphic thoughts

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are shopping—or, rather, Wei Ying is shopping and Lan Zhan is following. They're at the local outlet mall, semi-aimlessly meandering around.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying's voice is like music. "You sure you don't need anything?"

Wei Ying stares at him intensely and Lan Zhan feels as though he could melt. He's had a crush on Wei Ying for years. Since the moment they met.

Wei Ying bats his eyelashes, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. Lan Zhan wants to bite it.

Maybe crush is too weak a word?

Lan Zhan lets out a small huff, turning his head to the side and hoping his hair is covering his ears so Wei Ying won't see his blush.

"I am fine," he states. He hates speaking, hates his voice. But despite his (innumerable) dysphoric issues, Wei Ying makes him comfortable.

He still tries to make his voice sound lower. Wei Ying has never commented on it or his choice of baggy masculine clothing. Wei Ying is his safe space.

That doesn't mean Lan Zhan isn't terrified to come out to him. He hasn't come out to anyone.

He trusts Wei Ying.

But he's scared.

Wei Ying laughs, wrapping a hand around Lan Zhan's (far to small for his liking) wrist, pulling him along.

"Let's go check of this store!"

"Mn," Lan Zhan says instead of 'I would go anywhere with you if you asked me to.'

Wei Ying lets go of his wrist once they're in and Lan Zhan mourns the loss, feeling far too cold now that his sun has drifted away.

He resigns himself to following quietly behind when something catches his eye and draws him over. Lan Zhan's breath catches.

It's a beautiful, shimmery button-up shirt. A very light blue at the top fading to a white at the bottom, faint cloud embroidery along the collar.

It's stunning. Lan Zhan has never wanted an article of clothing more in his life. He reaches out a tentative hand, touching it.

The material is so nice. It's something he thinks he could feel comfortable in, texture-wise.

He aches with want, but he knows he can't wear it. He can't. It's far too showy, far too expensive, and he is far too uncomfortable in his skin to pull it off. But he looks.

His shoulder is jostled slightly by another person. "Hey," Wei Ying says. "That shirt would look so good on you, Lan Zhan!"

"Mn…" He responds as if in a trance.

Wei Ying laughs lightly and grabs one of the shirts in one hand and Lan Zhan's wrist in the other.

He drags him to one of the workers on the floor and begins to speak. Lan Zhan only half hears the words.

"Hi, excuse me! I was wondering if we could get a change room for my friend here. We found this shirt and I just know she would—"

Lan Zhan doesn't know what possesses him to do it; he's not in his right mind. He's in a trance, and the shirt is so nice, and he just wants SOMEONE to know who he really is.

"He," he says. His voice is quiet, distant, but he knows Wei Ying heard by the gentle squeeze he gives.

"I know he would look so good in this shirt, so would he be able to try it on?"

That's it. That's it? Not so much as a confused glance or a pause in speech?

Lan Zhan had been terrified for months over what kind of reaction he might get (/any/ reaction is not ideal).

And Wei Ying just gave his wrist a gentle squeeze and continued on as if nothing happened.

Lan Zhan wants to cry. He wants to kiss him. But no. No. He can't. Wei Ying will have questions. He will have reactions. He probably is just… distracted. Yeah.

Lan Zhan begins to mentally prepare himself for the inevitable onslaught of questions and loud remarks (because if Wei Ying is anything, it's loud).

He finds himself in a change room alone, shirt in hand. Huh… When did that happen? He silently scolds himself.

After a moment of steadying breathwork, he sheds his layers of clothes, carefully avoiding his reflection in the mirrors on either side of him, and slips into the shirt.

Wei Ying chose a smaller size than he'd normally go for. It /fits/ instead of hanging off his body.

Unfortunately, it fits a little too much for his liking. When he glances at his reflection, any hope is quickly tamped out by the realization that his chest is visible.

It's clear he has breasts. He quietly curses himself for getting his hopes up.

He's about to change back when there's a loud knock, startling him, and he hears Wei Ying is voice. "Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! I need to see! Show me!"

He acquiesces. Lan Zhan is many things, but 'someone who can say no to Wei Ying' isn't one of them.

He slowly opens the door.

Lan Zhan carefully crosses his arms over his chest in a strategic placement that hides it while also seeming nonchalant (he hopes).

Wei Ying gasps, drawing Lan Zhan's attention. He sees Wei Ying staring at him with wide eyes and he quickly averts his gaze down and blushes.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying breathes. Something in his voice he can't quite place. Awe? No. That can't be right. "You look"—Lan Zhan tenses, unsure of what will come next but sure he won't like it—"handsome."

Oh.

/Oh./

Lan Zhan quickly lifts his head to meet his gaze.

Wei Ying is staring at him, blush on his cheeks, mouth slightly agape. "Wow…"

Handsome. Lan Zhan. Wei Ying thinks Lan Zhan is handsome.

A warmth rushes through him. Of all the things he though Wei Ying might say, that was not one of them. He's never been called handsome.

He likes it, a lot.

It must show on his face because he hears Wei Ying suck in a breath. "You smiled," he whispers. "You're smiling!"

Absurd! Lan Zhan is most certainly /not/ smiling, thank you. He is merely… Slightly relaxed and a little happy. That is all.

Okay, so maybe his mouth softened and the corners lifted up a TINY BIT. He hardly thinks that constitutes as a smile.

"You look so good, Lan Zhan. You're so handsome."

Wei Ying really needs to stop complimenting him, he doesn't know how to take it.

So, Lan Zhan shakes his head slowly and looks down, tightening his grip around him chest.

If he were looking, he'd see Wei Ying's gaze shift and something click into place.

Wei Ying clears his throat. "Uh, you can uh- go change back now."

Lan Zhan nods and does just that.

Wei Ying takes the shirt from him when they walk out, and he skips ahead to hand it to the clerk, whispering something to them. They nod and respond as they take the shirt and place it on the counter behind them.

He happily skips back over to Lan Zhan. "Let's go!"

Lan Zhan tilts his head in confusion but gains no answer other than Wei Ying, once again, grabbing him by the wrist and marching off.

He feels as if he's in a state of limbo. Uncertain of anything and everything.

As they weave their way through the crowd, he stops.

"Wei Ying."

He also stops, turning to look at Lan Zhan. "Hmm? What's up?"

Lan Zhan is well and truly flabbergasted. "Are you not going to ask me questions?"

Now it's Wei Ying's turn to tilt his head in confusion. "Huh? Why? About what?"

Lan Zhan /doesn't/ gape. He doesn't.

"I asked you to call me 'he,'" he says after a moment of silence, carefully pulling his wrist out of Wei Ying's grip. When Wei Ying doesn't react or respond he pushes again. "Are you not confused? Surprised? Alarmed? Disgusted? Anything?"

"Lan Zhan," he breathes. His eyes are so kind and filled with fondness, it hurts. Lan Zhan's chest squeezes. "Oh, Lan Zhan. You"—Wei Ying pulls him into a tight hug—"are you. It doesn't matter how you look or what words you want people to call you to make /you/ comfortable."

Wei Ying takes a shaky breath, wrapping his arms around him tighter. "I will always love you no matter what, Lan Zhan."

Lan Zhan's breath hitches and a quiet sob escapes him. He wraps his arms around Wei Ying, holding on to him like a lifeline. His whole world.

And he cries. In the middle of a crowded mall, he cries. But it doesn't matter, because he's in Wei Ying's arms and that is the safest place on Earth. Nothing else matters. Wei Ying loves him no matter what. It's not a big deal.

Relief washes over him in waves.

He melts into Wei Ying's grasp, allowing himself to fully be supported by him. Wei Ying doesn't speak; he doesn't tell him to be quiet or stop crying. All he does is quietly hum and rub his hand up and down Lan Zhan's back.

It's… nice.

After what feels like an eternity of emotional turmoil, Lan Zhan is wrung out. His tears stopped long ago and his breath is slowly evening out.

That's what he registers what Wei Ying had said. 'I will always love you no matter what.'

Love.

No. It's. No. It's not that kind of love. He knows it. He… Well, he /thinks/ he knows it. But Lan Zhan was also so, so wrong about how Wei Ying would react.

Lan Zhan takes a shaky breath against Wei Ying's shoulder. "Wei Ying, you said you love me."

It's not a question.

He feels Wei Ying tense and it's a few beats before he responds. "Yes." It's quiet.

"… How?"

"Okay," Wei Ying says, pulling back from the hug enough to look at Lan Zhan's face. He cups it gently in his hands, wiping away the residual tear tracks with his thumb.

He smiles, it wobbly. "In every way."

Lan Zhan's eyes widen slightly at that, mind attempting to wrap around the implications of those words. He doesn't get long before Wei Ying leans forward and rests his forehead against Lan Zhan's.

It's grounding. Calming. Perfect.

"Lan Zhan," he whispers. Lan Zhan feels the ghost of his breath on his lips. "I love you in every way. You are my everything, my whole world. I don't care what you want, whatever it is I will be there. I will do it. I will be whatever you need."

He starts to pull away, eyes cast to the floor. "You don't have to say anything now, or ever. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or that you need to recipro—"

Lan Zhan cuts him off with a kiss. It's quick, but it shuts Wei Ying up.

"Wei Ying. I feel the same."

Wei Ying's eyes widen comically. "Y-you do?"

"Mn. Wei Ying is my world too." Lan Zhan smiles, actually smiles, and Wei Ying's knees buckle. "I love Wei Ying." He raises a hand to Wei Ying's cheek. "Wei Ying, I love you."

A sound escapes Wei Ying, something of a squeak-groan-growl-moan, and then his lips are on Lan Zhan's. It's messy and a little awkward, but neither one of them has the mind to care.

It's them. And they're kissing. That's all that matters.

Well. All that matters until Lan Zhan suddenly becomes hyper aware of the fact that they are in the middle of a crowded walkway in a busy mall. He pulls back. The sight Wei Ying chaising his lips elicits a small huff of laughter from him and Wei Ying's eyes shoot open.

"You laughed!" Wei Ying is beaming. Face flushed, lips wet and slightly swollen, beautiful.

Lan Zhan blushes, turns to the side, and clears his throat. "We are in a mall," he states, blatantly ignoring Wei Ying's growing smile because if he looks at him, he will kiss him again.

"You were bringing me somewhere?"

"Ah! Yeah! Let's go!" Wei Ying is chipper, smile aparent in his voice. This time when he reaches for Lan Zhan, he takes his hand, interlacing their fingers together. Lan Zhan looks at their hands. They fit perfectly. It feels right.

Wei Ying takes him across the store, chatting as they walk. "So! He/him, right? Any other pronouns you want?"

Lan Zhan glances at him, heart full of love and fondness. "He/him."

"Cool! Do you have any labels? If not, that's fine, I just wanna make sure you're comfortable."

Lan Zhan thought he was cried out, but he almost feels like he could cry again. "Mm… Trans. I am a trans man."

Wei Ying stops, and Lan Zhan's heart drops in anxiety. But Wei Ying only turns to him with a smile and kisses him on the forehead. "Thank you for telling me."

"Mn." That's all he can manage, but he tries to convey all his emotions and feelings in that one word.

Wei Ying seems to get it. His smiles softens and he quickly kisses him on the lips. "Come on," he says and pulls him along.

They enter a store and walk right up to one of the staff. "Hi!" Wei Ying chirps. "I'm looking for a binder for my boyfri–" Wei Ying stiffens, quickly turns to look at Lan Zhan. "Boyfriend?" Lan Zhan's heart skips a beat and he nods rather dumbly. Wei Ying turns back. "Boyfriend."

Lan Zhan is too out of it, blissfully thinking over the term 'boyfriend' to realize what Wei Ying had asked for.

A squeeze to his hand brings him back, his gaze meeting Wei Ying's silvery one. "Lan Zhan, wanna take a look?"

He's confused but follows where Wei Ying gestured.

A bunch of clothes lay out in front of him on the counter. Sleeveless, in different lengths.

He's confused.

The clerk clearly sees his confusion and pipes up. "We have a number of different styles of binders, I'm certain you will find a style that works."

Binders?

He looks to Wei Ying, lost. Wei Ying smiles and brushes his thumb over the back of Lan Zhan's hand.

"Lan Zhan, binders help you flatten your chest," he supplies.

It takes a moment, his brain not fully online after everything, but it clicks. He glances at them then back up.

"You mean?"

Wei Ying nods. "You can hopefully feel more comfortable in your skin and then wear that shirt. Because, Lan Zhan, ah, Lan Zhan… You looked /so/ good in that shirt."

Lan Zhan blushes and gives a gentle squeeze in thanks to Wei Ying's hand.

They spend a bit going over the different styles and what they are best for before Lan Zhan settles on one he likes.

They move to a change room and Lan Zhan is handed a tape measure to check his measurements.

Once that's done, the clerk quickly grabs the correct size.

"It is generally ideal for you to have someone with you when first trying on a binder, to help in case you get stuck," the clerk says. "I can help you if you desire, or your boyfriend here could join you. It's up to you."

Lan Zhan's mind reels at that thought. Wei Ying seeing him. More of him than he's ever seen before. It… It doesn't scare him as much as he'd thought it would. He's never liked his body, but Wei Ying loves him.

"I would like Wei Ying," he says sheepishly.

Wei Ying smiles, something indiscernible in it.

Wei Ying takes the binder and begins to follow Lan Zhan into the change room when he stops. "Oh, would we he be able to wear it out of the store if it fits?"

Lan Zhan's eyebrows scrunch slightly in confusion.

"There's a shirt I want him to try again with it on."

Oh…

The clerk smiles. "Sure, that's fine as long as we have the tags to scan it. It's recommended you wash it before wearing."

"Great! Yeah! We'll take it off after that, thank you!"

The pair enter the change room and Lan Zhan is very aware of what comes next.

He's nervous, but Wei Ying's hand gently coming to rest on his back calms him. "You alright?" Wei Ying asks to which Lan Zhan nods. "Good. Okay, you ready to try on a binder?"

Lan Zhan hesitates, trying to fully process everything, then nods again."

Wei Ying gently rubs circles on his back. "Alright. Tell me if it's too much. I don't want to push you at all or make you uncomfortable. I hope you know that."

"I do," Lan Zhan says quickly, turning to face him. "I know. Thank you. I am okay." He kisses him once, because he can.

Wei Ying smiles and turns around. "I'll be here if you need me. I won't look until you ask me to, okay?"

Lan Zhan's heart swells. "Mn."

It's rather difficult and awkward to put the binder on, he quickly comes to realize. But he manages to get it on.

He looks at himself in the mirror, examining, and works to try and adjust himself as best as he can. It's not perfect, but it's better than he could have ever hoped for. He never had a big chest, his athletic build saw to that, but it was still too much.

He's nearly flat-chested with the binder on, more like it gives the illusion of pecks than breasts.

He stares. He stares and a sob breaks free.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying asks, worry braided into his tone.

"Mn. Fine. Just…" He takes a shaky breath. "Wei Ying, look."

And he does.

"Oh, Lan Zhan! How do you feel?"

Lan Zhan tears his gaze from his body to look at his boyfriend (BOYFRIEND!!!) crying quietly. "Good. I feel good. Happy. Overwhelmed but good."

Wei Ying smiles and hugs him tight. "I'm so glad! You like the binder?"

"Mn. Love it."

Wei Ying presses a kiss to the top of his head. "Good, I'm buying it."

"Wei Ying?"

"Ah! Lan Zhan! I think I should get to treat my boyfriend to things he loves and deserves. I will not be swayed."

Lan Zhan huffs, but knows he can't sway him (not that he even wants to).

So, Lan Zhan wears the binder under his clothes, taking a moment to look in the mirror and feel. Wei Ying buys it while he does that.

He comes back, a small brochure of safety information for binding in his hand. "C'mon Lan Zhan! We've got a shirt to try and buy!"

This time, when Lan Zhan tries the shirt, he doesn't hide at all. He stands tall and proud, feeling confident in his appearance for the first time since he can remember. It's all so much, but in a /good/ way.

Lan Zhan changes, removing the binder with Wei Ying's help.

At the counter, Lan Zhan pulls out his wallet only to find Wei Ying has already tapped his card on the machine. Lan Zhan glares at him and Wei Ying laughs.

"Ah~ Lan Zhan! I told you I'm treating you to the things you love and deserve!"

Lan Zhan only glares harder.

Wei Ying takes the bag, placing the binder in it, then places a chaste kiss to Lan Zhan's cheek.

"I love you," he whispers in Lan Zhan's ear.

A shiver runs through him. "Love Wei Ying too," he replies dryly.

Wei Ying laughs free and bright. Lan Zhan will follow him anywhere.

----------

Well! Was not expecting to write a threadfic tonight, let alone one this long haha. I just got the idea of lwj quietly correcting wwx with "he" as his way of coming out and wwx just not really reacting, and somehow this happened 😅

Link to thread

#wangxian #threadfic #cw: gender dysphoria #cw: body dysmorphia #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #trans #transji #trans lan wangji #trans lan zhan #lan wangji #lan zhan #wei wuxian #wei ying #from twitter #wisedawn13 #fanfic #fanfiction

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starrygazingpie · 1 year

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Opening my wolfwood gender interpretations list* like a fancy wine cabinet:

-cis+ (questioned his gender, turned out cis but purposeful) -cisn’t (not not cis but also not not NOT cis) -he/him lesbian -butch or gay guy?? Yes. -transmasc

*Dysmorphia cw// All of this filtered thru the fact that from when he got shoved in to the experiments at 12-15 to about the age of 23, he couldn’t really think about his gender or body without wanting to puke

#dysmorphia cw #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun #slaps his back this guy can fit so much gender into him #i also just! enjoy seeing a whole lot of gender interpretations for my faves #vash gets a whole rainbow of trans hcs for me #(i can't read vash as cis tbqh)#wolfwood is a mix of trans and sparkling cis #love that for them!!

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peridotporygon · 4 months

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being eaten alive by the gender dysphoria monster rn

#trans #transgender #enby #nonbinary #gender dysphoria #gender dysmorphia #dysphoria tw #tw dysphoria #dysphoria cw #cw dysphoria

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neurodiverse-adulthood · 5 months

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Dysphoria, Dysmorphia, SA victims, body stuff: Hygiene

A collection of ideas for staying clean when you have body issues

x x x x x x x x x

↖️ Top left: Dim lighting

What-- Bathe in dim lighting Why-- Harder to see yourself

⬆️ Top middle: Swim shirt

What-- Wear a swim shirt in the bath/shower Why-- Can't see yourself

↗️ Top right: Body wipes

What-- Wipe down instead of taking a bath/shower Why-- Spend less time unclothed

⬅️ Middle left: Cover mirror

What-- Smear shaving cream over the mirror Why-- Can't see yourself

🫵 Middle center: Loofah or brush with long handle

What-- Scrub using a loofah, sponge, or brush with a long handle Why-- Don't have to touch & feel yourself

➡️ Middle right: Dry shampoo

What-- Wash hair with dry shampoo instead of doing it in bath/shower Why-- Spend less time unclothed

↙️ Bottom left: Loud music

What-- Blast your favorite music while you bathe Why-- Distraction

⬇️ Bottom middle: Swim shorts

What-- Wear swim shorts in the bath/shower Why-- Can't see yourself

↘️ Bottom right: Bath foam, paint, snow

What-- Take a bath with bath foam, paint, snow, or bombs Why-- Harder to see yourself, distraction, enjoyment

> Bubble foam recipe > 9 paint & foam recipes > Bath truffle recipe > Snow recipe 1 > Snow recipe 2 > Bath fizz recipe > Bath bomb recipe 1 > Bath bomb recipe 2

#care kit #actuallyneurodivergent #budget stimming #diy #stim tools #advice and help #gender dysphoria #body dysmorphia #hygiene #personal grooming #personal care #self care #bathing #cleanliness #cleancore #cw: body image

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an-sceal · 1 year

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I got a haircut the other day, which was awesome. I've spent the past 48 hours looking at a stranger in the mirror when I pass one. I don't ever have a firm picture or solid understanding of "that is me in my body" when I look at myself anyway, just a vaguely recognized set of individual features (my ear with the elf point, my nose that is either too big or okay depending on the day, but is always the same shape, my eyebrows that are psychotic, my tattoo that is art.) Now my hair is short but still too long, which I will fix when I get home.

Before the haircut I was having a third or fourth day of feeling like nothing I was doing with or for my body was sitting correctly. Nausea from meds that are supposed to help my autoimmune disease, and bloating from meds that are supposed to help my stomach deal with the meds that help the arthritis, and fatigue from... everything? Anything? Breathing? (Possibly breathing, because allergens, and thus inflammation triggers, are high.) Clothes and hair and posture and voice were all clashing in this thing that contains me but doesn't fit. And I have had this body for many decades now, minus a part here or there, so I am very used to not feeling at home in it. Not feeling like my body is any sort of representation of who I am, or even a reliably identifiable placeholder for the spaces marked "ME".

It took me over 40 years to figure out that I wasn't a failure as a girl, as a woman, as a "female", even after I knew there were options well beyond the two I'd been given, or the notion of others thought I understood. Part of that was down to assuming I wasn't *____* enough to count. I didn't know what, but I knew I didn't hate my body, so I couldn't be trans, or even not-a-woman in some other way. Sometimes I clung to that as a defense, firm in reminding myself that I didn't, so I wasn't. Sometimes it just was, existing, a fact like my body, which is obvious to everyone else but a mystery to me at the best of times. In my mind, even though I've rarely felt at peace or in sync with "woman", I'd never had a moment where I explicitly felt that I wasn't a woman, much less one where I hated the idea. How would I have hated something that people told me I was, when I literally need to rely on the vague shape of myself and the labels people I trust have given me just to find myself in a mirror?

I was pretty clear for a long time on how I'd never felt any sort of gender dysphoria. Quite the opposite-- the things I held on to, got familiar with like the extra bump of my ear or the round tip of my nose, were all times I'd felt the MOST grounded and at home in this alien ecosystem I keep my consciousness in. Times I felt GOOD about how my hair fell or my clothes sat or my insides settled into my outsides. No dysphoria for me, no, no! Euphoria!

And that’s true! I have felt gender euphoria, lots of it, and bodily euphoria as I have moments where I'm seated and perfect inside my little squishy home. It never occurred to me that those opposite times, when I would have given ANYTHING to step outside my horrible hovel of a skin prison, might be... not how everyone feels. I'm not talking about self-harm or suicidal ideation-- the escape only counts if the me I know and am is intact when I emerge. I'm talking days where every part of me I recognized felt so disconnected and WRONG in relation to who I believed my body made me that I couldn't find any response but intense anxiety and eventual dissociation to cope with it.

I am not drift-compatible with my own body.

#cw: body dysmorphia #cw: gender dysphoria #maybe?#gender is a construct and i built mine with elmers glue and popsicle sticks #genderfluid #the political is personal #the personal is political #personal #too personal probably #body dysmorphia #this isn't about you unless it is #and what I used to think isn't what I think now #and while we're at it #this is why the 'dysphoria is the marker of transness' narrative is not helpful to a lot of people #or at least some people

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