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casualhedonists · 2 months

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✩ it don’t need your loving, it just needs attention ✩ (chapter six)

pairing: Coriolanus Snow x Reader

warnings: NSFW (18+), snow being snow, themes of sex work (not the reader), cuckolding, eventual smut, fake relationship, unprotected sex, themes of voyeurism & mild exhibitionism, murder/violence mention (but no actual murder), MAJOR manipulation/gross power dynamics + generally darkish themes, roughhousing, overstimulation, mild bondage, insane amounts of teasing, some mild dubcon scenes/allusions to dubcon, some power play, lots of switching between dom/sub dynamics, hair pulling, oral sex, thigh riding, face sitting, degradation, dirty talk, edging/orgasm denial, eventual piv (pls tell me if i forgot anything!)

chapter: 6/6

SERIES MASTERLIST

words: .......13.5k

a/n: WHEW what a wait. thank you, as always, for your patience this past month or so! as i’ve mentioned i’ve been busy as hell, but it is with many internal screams that i can say! welcome to the final chapter of this series!! what a ride we've all had these last few months! buckle up for like. essay length extensive smut and also plot. in varying order. as always, feedback makes my world spin round at rocket speed, and just. thank you guys for all the love ever since i posted chapter one last november (november me with a brand new sideblog had no clue this would become a Thing i finished let alone a Thing people liked!! that's all on you lovely humans. ily)

i do not give permission for my work to be reposted/translated anywhere, under any circumstances.

Heaven was his head between your thighs.

His hands on you, everywhere. Hot mouth pressed to your skin, your neck, your thighs, your cunt. He was slow. Thorough. Pulling cries out of your mouth that got louder and louder until your back arched on the bed and you lay slumped and panting, twisted in his sheets. Taken apart and stitched right back together.

It hadn’t started like this. Not even close.

You woke to a soft light on your face, the curtains parted slightly. Your throat felt sore, and you were tired. Body heavy, slumped across a bed. His. It came back to you in fragments. The party. The photograph. His hand in your hair. His eyes after, apologetic and pleading. Falling asleep right here, next to him, but there was nobody beside you anymore. Your eyes adjusted to the room; you’d never seen it at this time of day, with sunbeams lighting up the walls. You could hear a soft tapping sound, like rain on the windowsill, but it was a bright and sunny spring day out.

Typing. That’s what it was.

Steady, satisfying clicks as the typewriter punched ink onto paper. You turned your head towards the desk across the room.

Coriolanus was sat there, focused, a breakfast tray pushed to one side. He didn’t notice you for a while, and you rolled over to take him in, a slight squint in his eye as he concentrated. You pulled your tired body up and leaned against the pillows, and he turned.

“Morning.” He said in surprise.

“Hi.”

This was strange. Like a warped sense of a morning after.

“Coffee?” He offered. “It’s still hot, I think.”

“Please.”

As he stood to pour from the French press, you took a look around you, eyes landing on the nightstand. A glass of water stood tall next to the silver chain he��d given you last night.

So innocent. If someone took a peek through a crack in the wall, they’d think you were a perfectly normal couple. Domestic bliss.

Not so much, you thought, as he walked over and handed you a cup.

He didn’t linger, but sat down at the foot of the bed, and that only made things stranger. He’d never been one to shy away from physical proximity, but here you both were, sipping just-hot coffee as he eyed you carefully. Like you were an animal in an enclosure, and he hadn’t quite figured out which approach to take with you yet.

“Are you working on something?” You nodded toward the cluttered desk.

“Just the usual. Work.”

“Oh? Didn’t know you worked in here.”

“I don’t, usually. Never have, in fact.” He sounded sheepish. This was entirely new. “But I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

Oh.

You said just that.

“Oh. Um, thank you.”

“I can go if you’d like. Leave you to rest.”

“No, that’s okay. Stay.”

His eyes softened a little, shoulders sinking down.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

You considered. You hadn’t really thought much about it.

“Tired, I think. This is helping. Thank you.” You sipped at the cup of coffee, careful not to spill it on his sheets. An oddly comfortable silence hung in the air.

“I called Cordelia. She’s coming over this afternoon, we can figure it all out. Print a story you’re happy with.”

“Wait, what? We don’t have an appointment for three more weeks.”

He glanced awkwardly at the floor, and cleared his throat.

“I thought you’d want to make it as quick as possible. It will be, and it won’t shine badly on you. I’ll get Lucille to pack your things, and if you don’t want to go back to your parents, I’d be happy to put you up somewhere in the city for as long as you’d like. It’s the least I could do after everything that I-”

“Coriolanus, stop.” You shook your head, bewildered.

“Can I ask you a serious question?”

He paused.

“Of course.”

“How the hell are you meant to know what I want if you’ve never asked me?”

He frowned, eyes darting from the floor, to you, to the floor again.

“I… Well, I assumed that-”

“Don’t assume.” You interrupted. “God, when will you stop assuming you know what’s best for me? It’d be nice to feel like I have a say in this. Don’t you see that if we do this, we’ll just end up right back where we started? I don’t want that, do you?”

“Doll, I think this would be for the best.”

“Why, am I getting too difficult for you now? You got someone new lined up ready to take my place? Someone less complicated? More complacent?” You snapped.

“Of course not, it’s not that.”

“Then why? Why do you want me gone? Because it’s pretty damn clear that you do from where I’m sat.”

He sighed, turning to face you, but looking at your lap. You gripped the cup with a vice, like you were trying to snap off the handle. You placed it on the nightstand.

“I’ve just been wondering if this has become about something… else, to you. and I wanted to say that if that’s the case, this can’t continue. Because… well, I’ve grown fond of you, and it isn’t fair to keep you hoping.”

Your confusion softened your sharp edges.

“Hoping for what?”

For whatever reason, he didn’t meet your eye as he spoke.

“Hoping that… I can give you something I don’t think I’m capable of. Or at least, not anymore. It’s not fair on you. I can’t give you what you need.”

“And what exactly is it that I need?”

He shifted, looking awkwardly to the floor. At first, your frown only deepened, then it hit you. A knowing smile crept onto your face.

“Oh my god… you think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

His frown only widened your grin. you were pretty sure you must’ve looked insane. Despite yourself, you let out a laugh, and his frown only deepened.

“When you… you’ve been upset lately. The other week at the luncheon, and then last night, I thought it was-”

“That I was, what, in love with you?”

A cocky, shit eating grin now took over your face.

He started a sentence, but stopped himself. You could see it on his face; he was completely thrown.

“So you’re not.” He checked.

“Oh, don’t look so disappointed, Snow. ‘Course not. That’s never what this was about, I mean, we have rules for a reason. Sure, we’ve been breaking them like it’s our day job, but not the golden one. Never the most important.”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he looked a little sheepish.

“Don’t worry, gorgeous,” you repeated, “I’m not in love with you.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly. His shoulders sank down, like he was relieved.

“I see. That’s good, that’s… for the best.”

“So will you cancel Cordelia?”

“Okay. If that’s what you want., it’s done.”

You nodded.

“See, this is better. It’s a lot easier when you ask me things. And I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t exactly been the most talkative either.”

“It’s not exactly our strong suit.” He agreed.

“Yeah. You know, while we’re on the topic, there’s something else you can do for me.”

“Anything.”

“You can run me a bath. A hot one. With bubbles.” You added.

It was slight, but you saw it. He perked up.

“Okay, doll.”

The bath was hot, and it smelt like the softer parts of him, like fresh linen and the spice of his cologne. Again, he didn’t linger, just ran the bath, saw you into the room and let you be. It was frustrating – while it was nice to soak in the hot water and feel your muscles relax, you wished he would just talk to you, instead of acting like you were something to avoid, something to walk on eggshells around. This change in his demeanour wasn’t a completely unwelcome one – you didn’t mind feeling as though you had the upper hand, and held all the cards for once – but you didn’t like being treated like you were broken, either.

You sank your head underneath the bubbles and stayed down there for a few seconds, the rush of water clouding your eardrums. It was a peaceful kind of noise, and when you came back up for air, you found yourself breathing a little easier.

You pondered. Processed, considering the steps to take next, rolling your neck out and stretching your feet to the edge of the tub. Anytime you thought you’d reached any sort of plateau with Coriolanus, something new would pop up out of seemingly nowhere. You hadn’t minded the danger at first, it drew you in and kept you hungry for more, but you’d grown tired, weary from the whiplash knotting your neck.

When the water cooled, you looked around, but couldn’t see a towel. You cleared your throat.

“Snow?” You called out.

Soft footsteps. Then, his voice from behind the door.

“Everything okay?”

“I just need a towel. I can’t see one near me.”

“They’re in the linen closet in the corner.”

You eyed the floor between the tub and the closet.

“I’d have to get out and drip bathwater all across the floor. Can you just come in here and hand me one?”

Silence.

“Please?” You added.

More silence. Then he quietly cleared his throat.

“Yeah. Okay, fine. I’m coming in, I won’t look.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before.”

The door cracked open and he made a short beeline to the closet, unfolding a towel and holding it out. When he walked to the side of the tub, he looked off to the side like the colour of the walls was suddenly the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.

You pulled yourself out of the water, shivering as the cold air hit you. Then you backed into the towel and took it from him, wrapping it around yourself, sinking into the soft cotton. He stood behind you, paused, seemingly suspended in place and unable to move. You heard him draw in a breath, inches from the back of your neck.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. His breath caught on the droplets of water gathered on your skin, and it warmed you and gave you a chill at the same time.

“I know you are.”

Then in a flash, you spun around, lips on his, hungry. He kissed you back like he had something to prove, and hell, maybe he did. His hands tangled in your wet hair and yours made for his shirt. The towel slipped to the floor and fell in a pile at your feet. One button came open, you broke the second, which flew into the air and landed on the floor with a tap. He pulled you in closer, hands all over you, and you worked frantically at the third, not caring if it broke, not caring about anything.

“Doll.”

You looked up at him, at his blown-out eyes.

“Want you to fuck me.” You breathed.

“I can’t.”

You jolted to a stop, catching your breath. He took a step back.

“What?”

He pulled in slow breaths, like he was trying to cool himself off. His eyes pressed shut.

“Not like this. Not until I know you trust me again. I don’t… I can’t hurt you again. I won’t do that. I need you to forgive me first. Completely.”

You exhaled slowly, then cleared your throat, lowering to the ground to pick the damp towel off the tiles. When you came back up, half-covered, he was staring at a spot on the wall again, breath laboured.

You tied the towel around you, and looked right at him as he looked away, eyes averted.

“You sure about that, Snow?” you drawled. “You sure as hell don’t look it.”

He swallowed thickly.

“I’ll let you get dressed. I’ll just be in the bedroom.”

You brought your hand to your lips, brushing over where he’d just kissed them once he’d turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. You eyed your pile of clothes with disdain.

He was back at his desk when you walked out, wrapped in a shirt he’d offered you, hair towel in hand. He didn’t look as focused on his work this time.

“I cancelled Cordelia. So don’t worry about that.”

“Thank you.” You made for the bed, and climbed back onto it. “Rather just talk to you anyway.”

His jaw tensed. It seemed he was still doing everything in his power not to look at you.

“You know, there’s this thing called eye contact. Remember that thing Cordelia waffles on about? It’s important when you’re having a conversation with somebody. I’m a big fan, myself.”

His eyes shot daggers at you. But at least he was looking.

“And what did you want to talk about, exactly?”

You shrugged, and he glanced back at the desk, and pretended to study one of the papers there.

“I don’t know. All of this, I guess.”

Much to your annoyance, he didn’t answer. Your eyes swept the room again, and you brought the towel to your hair. The sun was high enough now to light up the silver chain on the nightstand, and you took it in your palm, turning it over.

“Did you mean it when you said I could have this?” You wondered aloud.

He looked at you again.

“Wasn’t sure if you remembered that.”

“Well, I do.”

“Then I meant it.” His words shouldn’t have made you smile, but they did.

“Will you put this on me?” You asked.

“Uh. Sure.”

The chair creaked as he pushed it back from underneath him, and he walked over to you cautiously, perching on the bed, taking the dog tag, then ever so gently brushing your hair to one side.

“Can I just ask-”

“Anything.” He said quickly.

The cool metal slid onto your chest as he secured the chain, falling low.

“When you were out there, did you…” you swallowed.

Say it.

“…hurt people?” You praised your voice for not shaking. The silence in the room was deafening. But he finally answered.

“I did what was necessary.”

“It must’ve been awful.”

“Yeah.” He said quietly. “It was.”

“Do you think about it much?”

“More than I care to admit. But it was a long time ago.”

You turned to face him.

“Doesn’t make it less real. I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard it must’ve been.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. What matters is that I’m here now.”

You smiled.

“You didn’t get too bad of a deal of it either, President Snow.”

He put your hair back into place, fingertips trailing your shoulder.

“I certainly didn’t.”

You thumbed the cold steel, an odd feeling of satisfaction washing over you.

“Was it worth it?” Your voice sounded quiet, even to you. You were fully aware of the weight of the question, heavier still from the complete understanding that you barely knew what you were asking.

“Yes.”

It should’ve scared you, the surety in his voice. But it didn’t.

Warm breath caressed your shoulder blade, and it really shouldn’t comfort you, but it did. You cleared your throat.

“Thank you. For putting it on. I always get these things tangled.”

“My pleasure. I meant what I said though, sweetheart. No wearing it where anyone’ll see, okay? I need you to promise me.”

You turned your head, shifted so you faced him. You suddenly realised just how close your faces were, and your voice dropped low.

“I promise. It’s nothing new. We’re no strangers to secrets, you and I.”

Your noses were almost touching, and he was looking down at your lips. You drew in a breath, and inched in impossibly closer. You felt his breath on your lips, hot and shallow. Your nose bumped his.

And then his lips were on yours again. But just as quickly, he pulled away.

“Don’t.” You pleaded.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t. Not until I’ve fixed this. Please, just… tell me what you need me to do. I’ll do whatever you want.”

You sighed, pulling away.

“This is what I want, Snow. But…”

“Yeah?”

“I just… never knew it would get so complicated. I think for now, maybe I need a little time.”

“Okay. We can do that.”

“I might go home over this weekend. Spend some time with my parents. No tricks, okay? No messengers, no word from you, the entire time. I’ll come back here on Monday morning, and I’ll tell you what I’ve decided then.”

He nodded.

“That’s fine.” He cleared his throat again. “So you’ll leave tomorrow morning?”

“If that’s okay.”

He seemed as satisfied as one would expect with that solution.

“Yes. Of course, anything you want.”

“Thank you, Coriolanus.”

If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looked a little disappointed by the formality.

“And Snow?”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“Before I go, will you lie next to me for a little while?"

It was oddly intimate, the way the day stretched on. He lay next to you for a while, and you sank into the sheets and eventually dozed off. When you woke, he was still there, quietly tapping at the typewriter and poring over paperwork. You spent the rest of the day in his room, in bed mostly, with food being brought up to you which you shared in mutual silence or casual conversation. Lucille packed your bags, and you spent the night in his bed, a little distance between you. But when you woke up, you had to slowly pull away your woven limbs.

Leaving was a quiet affair. Snow gave you a chaste kiss goodbye, and Henry snuck you and your bags through the back exit and kept to backroads, so nobody would know who you were or where you were going. Your parents didn’t know why you were visiting either; they didn’t need to. As far as anyone was concerned, you were taking a short weekend trip to check in with your family.

The two days passed quickly. You spent the time reflecting, debating what your next move would be, and listening to your parents argue. You found yourself glancing at the clock by Saturday afternoon, and by Sunday night you were practically crawling out your skin ready to leave. You considered what he’d offered you; an apartment on your own, somewhere in the city. But the thing is, you’d grown used to his moods, to just having him around, if only to dig your fingers into and pry open, searching for secrets. Life would feel awfully dull without it. You’d never met someone who was a match for you, who challenged you. You wondered if he felt the same.

Monday morning rolled around and you let out a heavy sigh of relief as you climbed into the car. Henry glanced back at you, but didn’t comment.

The second the manor came into sight, your head clouded with doubt. Would he want you to stick around? You’d spent the last couple of days toying with all outcomes like some omniscient god, but until now you hadn’t considered the fact that Snow might’ve done some thinking through of his own.

But as you pulled up at the side door, there he was. Standing perfectly poised, waiting for you, and all your worries washed away as he looked at you. Henry opened the door, and Coriolanus offered his hand as you stepped out the car. He looked at you with the same intensity as he had that very first night in his room, when you’d finally dropped the charade, and you returned the stare. Even just feeling his hand on yours set your skin on fire.

When you finally got inside and it was just the two of you, he stopped you.

He looked regal before, proud and superior. Now, you could tell it was a façade, laced with a nervous discomfort.

“Well?” He prompted.

You looked at him. Took in the way his eyes couldn’t stay in one place for too long, the tightness in his jaw that only appeared when he was under pressure, and the slight urgency seeping through his otherwise controlled question, and realised then that you hadn’t been the only one going a little insane these past few days.

And now, you had the upper hand again.

“Upstairs,” you answered. “Your room.”

When the door closed behind you and he paced towards the desk, you almost smiled at the parallel. It felt like an age ago that you’d strutted in here, dressed in his suit jacket with something to prove. You knew the cards you were about to play now like you had then, but your thoughts still raced.

Snow cleared his throat.

“So? Have you made up your mind?”

You waited for him to turn and face you.

“I have.”

“And?” So quick to reply. You’d never heard him so on edge.

You wet your lips, taking a step towards him. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying stretching this out a little, watching him squirm.

“I’ve decided that… I’m staying.” You said finally.

He let out an audible breath, almost like he didn’t care about you hearing his reaction anymore. Like he’d been strung out the entire weekend, just like you. Like he’d imagined this conversation in a million different ways. He stepped towards you. This was an old dance; one you knew well. You closed the gap between you, and his hand grazed your jaw.

“I’m glad to hear it.” He said. You held his gaze, he brushed your lip with the pad of his thumb.

“Can I…” His voice dropped.

“Not just yet.”

You relished the little frown that knitted his brows.

“I know you, Snow.” You continued. “You’re good at what you do. You’re better at this than anyone out there. You’re dedicated, and I think that… something tells me you’re going to be President for an awfully long time. I want to be by your side when that happens. I’m not going away when this arrangement suits me too. But I have terms.”

He watched you as if he was mesmerised, and you wondered if he even noticed the way you slowly walked him towards the bed. You hid your smile as the spell broke, and the back of his legs bumped the ottoman. He gazed down at your lips, just a little thrown off kilter.

“Tell me.”

You got closer, lifting your hands to the lapels of his shirt and giving them a tug, turning him so you were stood against the ottoman and he was facing you. He moved so easily, as if this was a dance, one you’d practiced a hundred times over.

“Let’s start with this. You said you’d do anything for my forgiveness, right?”

“I meant it.”

“Good.” You nodded, “Because there is something you can do for me.” Your hand traced his jaw, and he leaned into it.

“Name it.” He whispered, lips pressing against your palm. “It’s yours.”

You leaned towards him, faces close, noses touching, foreheads pressed together. You could feel the almost on your lips, could feel his breath. You relished in the feeling, that electric tension between the two of you. You held onto it, inhaled it like smoke, before cutting it loose.

“Kneel.” You breathed.

Feeling his brows twitch gave you a rush, and when you pulled back, he looked like art. You slowly moved down, sitting on the ottoman, holding his gaze. Then slowly, steadily, like he was walking a gossamer-thin tightrope, he shifted, nudging your legs open to stand between them, and lowered himself down to the floor, knees gently knocking against the hardwood one at a time. You give him a slow nod.

“Like that. Good. Stay there.”

Your legs parted a little further, and his eyes lined up with the way your dress lifted, bunching at your hips, exposing black lace with white trim, barely covering the space he seemed to lean towards.

He wet his lips, glancing up at you. Eyes bright but laden with want, so heavy he thought he might drown in it.

“Can I…” He whispered, and you felt it more than heard it, his hot breath tickling your thighs.

You smiled a little, and shook your head.

“Fuck. Please, doll.”

“Did I ask you to beg?”

“No. But… what can I do?”

You pulled your lip between your teeth as you considered.

“You can take these off. Slowly.”

You sighed when his palms brushed your hips, pushing your dress up then hooking soft fingers into the band of your underwear, slowly pulling them over your hips and down your thighs. He was gentle, pulling back but staying oh so close to you as he pulled the lace past your ankles, tossed it to the side, and moved in again expectantly.

“And now?”

You pushed your legs apart again, just enough. Drew in a breath.

“I want you to watch.”

A sound slipped from his mouth, and you weren’t sure if it was just a shaky breath or a quiet curse. His eyes darted between your face and the heat between your thighs. If you couldn’t already feel the mess you’d made, the way his lips parted and his eyes went heavy-lidded would give it away in an instant.

His gaze followed your hand, unwavering as you slowly brought it between your legs, and lazily trailed your fingers towards where you were aching to be touched. Then with a gasp, you brushed your finger against your clit and starting drawing slow circles, slipping further down to push against your opening, slipping through the mess you’d made just from seeing him knelt on the hardwood.

You kept your head tilted back and your eyes closed, touching yourself with Snow knelt between your legs incredibly brazen, even for you. He was mere inches away, laboured breath dusting the skin of your inner thighs.

But as you melted into the feeling, sinking deeper than you could imagine in just a few short seconds, you opened them again. And there he was, darkened eyes fixed on where your fingers ran messy circles on your cunt, and you let out a soft whine. It was enough to make him redirect his stare to your face, and you couldn’t help but stare back, pressing harder against your clit with a broken sigh. You planted your feet on the floor as you shifted your hips a little, getting slightly closer, making it easier for you to carefully swirl a finger around your entrance, then gently push inside.

“Fuck.” He breathed, rocking forward slightly, to which you shook your head, knee pressing against his shoulder, pushing him back. His pleading eyes drove you on, pushed you to fuck yourself faster, obscene wet noises filling the quiet space.

He looked wrecked; lips parted, eyes begging, glancing up at you. And it only made you all the more shameless, bucking your hips and crying out, gasps slipping from your mouth that you couldn’t deny were getting played up a little for effect. He stared on, looking so fucking small between your legs, so hard you could only imagine it hurt.

You weren’t sure if he noticed he was breathing in tandem with you, but as your breaths picked up, got a little strained, so did his. His eyes slitted, heavy with lust as he stared on.

You got a little cocky; let it go to your head. Nothing would ever beat the rush of adrenaline you felt from seeing the most powerful man you’d ever known giving into you, letting you set the rules. It was intoxicating.

“You okay down there, sweetheart?”

He sighed, slow and heavy.

“I…” He trailed off, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Is there something you need?” Your voice was breathier than you would like, control slipping from your fingertips, but it was still there and the way he looked up at you. His mouth opened again, jaw agape, on his knees like it was a silent prayer. You fucked yourself faster, mean, dripping down your fingers. He finally spoke.

“Please.” He whispered.

“What did you say?”

“I said -” he swallowed “- I said please.”

“Please what?”

“Please let me touch you. Put my mouth on you, I won’t even use my hands. Just let me… baby. Come on.” His voice was raspy and ruined.

“Do you think you’ve learned your lesson yet? I’m not so sure.”

His breath was shallow, eyes wide and blown out.

“I’ll prove it to you. Just let me touch you, and I’ll do anything you want. Please, doll.”

You hummed, pretending to weigh it up in your head.

“Well, since you’re asking so nicely. Go ahead. But keep your hands to yourself.”

“Thank you. Fuck. Thank you, baby.”

He listened, inching in cautiously, like he was expecting you to change your mind, then he pressed his mouth to you and there it was.

Heaven.

“Oh fuck.” Your breath hitched in your throat.

You hummed as he dragged his tongue over your folds, setting your nerves alight, instinctively rocking into the pressure you’d been thinking about since you got him on the floor. His hands, you noted, sat dutifully on his thighs, gripping onto them like it took a physical reminder for him not to reach out and grab your hips, push his fingers into your soft skin and own you.

As welcome as that sounded to your foggy mind, this was about proving a point. You were the one calling the shots here. So you rocked gently against his face as he kissed your clit, lapping at the heat between your legs, only pulling away at intervals to catch his breath, the daylight making the mess on his chin glisten, only to dive back in again, movements slightly limited by the lack of his hands, which you could see was bothering him.

You couldn’t help but tease him a little between gasps.

“I have to say I missed this. Seeing you underneath me.”

He looked up at you. But there was little defiance in his eyes, just want. Want so depraved that it sent a flush through you, making you feel a little unmoored.

“If I didn’t know better, Coryo, I’d say you were enjoying this.”

Face buried between your thighs, a broken whine sent a little shock through your core. You moaned, getting a little strung-out, a little breathy.

“Is that a yes?”

You felt him nod.

“Good. Glad to see you’re putting up less of a fight this time. It wasn’t so hard, now, was it? Giving in?”

This time, his eyes contained a little more fire. He pushed his tongue firmer against your clit, cutting off your question with a gasp. A few moments passed, and you heard him hum.

“Is there something you want to say, baby? Go ahead.”

He pulled back, catching his breath again.

“Still don’t want me to use my hands?”

You shook your head.

“Then can you… if it’ll feel better.” He glanced at your hand, resting lazily on your thigh.

“What?” You knew what he was getting at, but he shot you back a look as if to say, don’t make me say it.

“Don’t be embarrassed.”

“I’m not.” He narrowed his eyes.

“Then say it.”

“Put your hand in my hair. You can… be rough, if you want to. I don’t mind.”

Your smile turned into a sly grin.

“You want me to pull your hair? You sure?”

“I’m sure. I don’t… I liked it, last time.” He confessed quietly.

“Liked what?” You pushed.

He took a steady breath, looking down at the velvet seat you were perched on. He gritted out the words steadily, pointedly.

“When you sat on my face. I liked it.”

You pressed your lips together to hide your smile.

“I know you did.”

He paused, looking down at the floor. Then he looked back up. You brought your hand to his hair, fingers running through the soft strands. He started peppering kisses along the insides of your thighs, something he’d been too desperate to consider when you’d first given him permission to taste you. Now, they sparked the fire even more, and as much as you liked the careful attention, you guided his head to where you needed it. Keeping his words in mind, you gave a slightly rough tug on his hair, and he responded with a pained hum that edged you closer.

At one point, you saw his hand shift to try towards his pants, but you yanked his hair in response.

“No touching yourself yet. Or I’ll only let you watch, okay?”

You built up a rhythm, growing careless with the tugs on his hair so that you felt pressure in all the right places. Your fingers pulled harder as you got close, and you could hear his shallow breath as you took what you wanted from him.

“Fuck. Coryo, I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that. You wanna make me cum?”

He nodded as best as he could with your hand gripping tight in his hair, and the motion only brought you closer, legs growing weak and tired, hooking over his shoulders now that you’d let him closer. You felt the ache build, almost painful with how long it had been, and you felt yourself snap, spinning out of control as your hand tensed, then fell from his hair. Then his hands were on you, gently this time, smoothing over your bucking hips with a level of control that you melted into as the feeling washed over you. He didn’t stop, pressing his tongue against you harder as you fell apart, shaking like a leaf as he worked your cunt until your cries bordered on screams.

“Fuck. Oh my god, that’s it, I’m…” You broke off into a shout, something so outlandish it sounded foreign to your own ringing ears, but you were too far gone to care. You could vaguely feel yourself grabbing at him as he pulled away, at his hair, his hands, anything, as you slumped back onto the bed. Slowly, he propped himself up, placing a knee between your legs and leaning over you. And his eyes, heavy and wanting, had you aching all over again.

He held back a little, clearly still in the space you’d pushed him into.

“Can I…” He whispered, those desperate eyes fixed on your parted lips as you caught your breath.

“Yeah.” You gasped, and he lowered his head towards you.

This time, he kissed you softer. Still hungry, still wanting, but slow, methodical, like he wanted to relish it. Almost like he wasn’t trying to own you, but in that moment, you could almost go so far as to believe the contrary. And your head swam with pride, feeling his lips on yours as he gently pressed you into the soft mattress.

But you didn’t sit in the feeling for too long.

“Was that okay?” He gasped.

“Yeah. More than okay. But you used your hands at the end there, baby. You know what that means?”

His eyes narrowed as his head cleared a little.

“Lie on your back for me.”

He obliged, dropping onto the mattress and shuffling up to lean against the pillows.

“I missed you, you know.” You murmured as you followed suit, hovering over him to get another kiss.

“I missed you too, sweetheart. Thought I was gonna go out of my fucking mind with how much.”

“Yeah?” You smiled.

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easily, did you?”

“I hoped not. Glad I was right.”

You smiled again, and shifted closer towards him.

“I could always show you how much I missed you, if you wanted.” Your eyes darted down to the front of his pants, the outline of his hard cock pressing against the material. He went a little quiet again, nodding a little, and you grinned. Climbed onto your knees so you were just a little above him, then swung a leg over one of his to sit carefully on his thigh. You paused for a beat.

“I won’t touch you until you tell me to, baby.”

He sucked in a breath.

“You can touch me.”

You tutted.

“What do we say?”

“Please.” He added quickly.

Without a word, you leaned in, brushing a hand over his cock, starting gentle, but quickly adding pressure. You could tell he was holding back, jaw clenched and eyes fluttering as he tried to control his breath.

“Not getting shy on me again, are you?”

He didn’t answer, just met your eye and you took it as a challenge. Unbuttoned his slacks and with a glance and a nod, slid them down his legs. You licked your palm slow, making sure he was watching closely.

“Fuck.” He breathed.

“Well, if you’re not gonna talk to me properly, I’m just gonna have to work harder then, aren’t I?” You drawled as you slipped your hand underneath his boxers. There was a soft thump as his head dropped back onto the headboard and he cursed as your fingers grabbed the base of his cock.

“Like that?” Your mouth pulled into a sly smile.

He hummed, breaking off into a sigh, lips parted and eyes towards the ceiling as you fisted his cock. I’ll take that as a yes.

You swirled your thumb around the head of his cock, gathering messy precum that had gathered at the tip from your teasing, and it hit you then that most of your interactions until now had been psychological, toying with words, with ideas and almosts. You knew by now what made him tick, which words you could use to push him to the edge, but you’d barely had the chance to touch each other. But you were a fast learner, and you knew what you wanted from this.

You wanted to make him fall apart.

So you picked up the pace, and it must’ve ached with how fast you were fucking his cock with your fist, but his determination not to lose his cool made it all the more exciting. It got wet, and that was one thing his composure couldn’t hide. It egged you on, shifting your own hips on his tensing thigh as your sore cunt pressed against the muscle.

“You can hold back all you like, but I can tell you’re fucking close.”

His eyes fell shut in a lust-clouded haze, breath picking up. His cock twitched in your hand and you grinned. You were tempted to take it down your throat, really see how he held up then, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction just yet, and you were on a high learning just how to make his body respond to your touch, how to make him weak. So you worked your wrist and felt his legs jolt a little, and you knew it was a matter of seconds.

“If you want to cum, you’ll have to ask nicely. I don’t know how generous I’m feeling just yet. Convince me.”

“Jesus.” He gasped.

“No, just me. Go on, baby. Beg me. You wanted to earlier, right? Now’s your chance.”

An honest-to-god whine left his mouth, voice cracked and completely fucking ruined. You slowed your motions.

“No, baby, don’t stop. I’m so fucking close, please.”

“Please what?”

“Please let me cum. I fucking need it, I did everything you said, I got on my knees, I fucking… fuck, I did what you told me, didn’t I? Everything you asked? And I didn’t touch myself, I haven’t… fuck. All weekend, I haven’t-”

You pressed your lips together.

“Poor thing. You’ve gone this whole weekend without cumming?”

“I was a little fucking preoccupied.” He gritted out.

“Over little old me? You shouldn’t have.”

“Please,” he repeated, “I need to cum. I did what you wanted, doll, I- shit-”

Satisfied, you picked the pace up again, obscene wet sounds filling the room as his hips rocked a little into your hand as he got close again. Too far gone now to hold back, his face contorted in pleasure, eyes fixed on you. Then, in a seemingly small motion as you leaned into him a little, the dog tag that had been sitting tucked under your dress - and had stayed hidden against your skin all weekend - slipped out, the pendant swinging into the air beneath you, and as Coriolanus caught sight of it, you felt his hips tense, then his cock was twitching and spilling into your hand.

“Shit, that’s so… oh my fucking god, doll.”

You pulled your hand from his boxers and brought it to your mouth, cleaning it off a little.

“You really did need that, huh?” You smirked, and he sighed.

“Yeah. I really fucking did.”

You nodded at his boxers.

“Can I take these off now?”

He pressed his head into the headboard again and nodded, so you carefully pulled them down his legs. Panting and overheated, he unbuttoned his shirt as you threw the fabric to the floor. What he didn’t expect you to do, though, was put your hand back on his still-twitching cock that sat tired and used against his stomach. He flinched a little as you palmed it, and you looked at him mischievously. Started to move your hand again, slow and steady, but firm.

“That’s… baby. Stop, I already came, I… fuck.” He winced, sucking in a sharp breath. “What the fuck are you doing?”

You chuckled, voice turning a little dangerous.

“Oh, you thought we were done?”

“Doll, that’s not – shit – that’s not fucking funny. It’s sensitive, I…” It turned into an uncomfortable hum, but you felt him twitch under your palm, slowly getting hard again. His leg gave a little involuntary kick, much to your satisfaction.

“I… what the fuck.” His voice went quiet and strained, and yours got menacing.

“Oh, you can take it, can’t you? Thought you said you liked me taking the lead a little. You can handle it, can’t you, Snow? Or do you want me to stop?”

“Mm. That’s… was different. Please.” You kept going, a rush washing over you as you wondered if he even knew what he was begging for. You got more daring, rubbing your palm over the tip, and grinned when he cried out.

“You want me to stop? Just say the word. I will.”

He was half-hard again, more cum leaking from his tip as you sped up just a little.

Eyes squeezed shut, he shook his head frantically as the rest of him trembled.

“Didn’t think so.”

His face was twisted like he was holding on desperately, trying to maintain control as you relished in his permission, and palmed him harder.

“Jesus fuck.” He said, voice getting louder now, legs twitching and hips bucking up in little jolts you were certain he couldn’t stop if he tried. You had him now, pliable like clay between your fingertips, shaking apart.

“Is that too much for you?” You taunted, getting cocky now.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” He snapped, but it fell flat when his voice broke halfway through the question. You laughed.

“I know exactly who I am, Snow. I’m the girl you’re gonna be stuck with for a long time, and I’ve got some demands to make. So listen closely, because I’m only going to say this once. You know what happened last week?” You were aware you were starting to sound almost as insane as him, but you didn’t care.

“You don’t ever,” you spat, “do that to me again. If you do, I swear on all of Panem, I will fucking kill you. Do you understand me?”

He whined, desperate, so far gone you weren’t sure he was fully listening.

“Say you fucking understand.”

“I… I understand. Fuck. Please. I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so fucking sorry-”

“You’re lucky I’m giving you another chance. From here on out, you only get to treat me like a whore when I tell you to. Okay?”

“Yes. Yes, okay. I understand. I’m… shit.”

“This is a partnership, starting now. We help each other. We trust each other. We talk to each other. We don’t go behind each other’s backs, or fuck around with other people. Okay?”

“Okay. That’s… doll, can you slow down just a little? You’re… I’m…”

“You’re gonna cum again?”

He nodded, chasing his breath. You leaned towards him, lowering your head to his chest and dragging your tongue against his collarbone.

“Good. You can cum again, Coryo.”

“Thank you. Thank you - fuck. That feels… I’m-”

“You gonna cum all over my hand again, baby? Do it, I’ve got you. You can cum now.”

The second time he came was with a pained cry, painting your hand until it dripped down your wrist and onto his stomach. When you finally released your grip, he slumped down and sighed, aftershocks still jolting through him.

“You heard what I said, didn’t you?”

“I did. And I understand.”

“Good.” You murmured into his ear, and you felt goosebumps rise on his torso, “Then I think we can come to an agreement.”

The week went by in a blur of whispered words and tangled limbs. He rarely left you alone, and you barely felt the time pass, every waking moment spent together, flesh on flesh. When he worked, it was at the small desk in his room, and he took plenty of breaks to lounge in bed with you or run you baths.

You learned each other’s tells, growing comfortable touching each other, but Snow stuck to his word, much to your annoyance.

Not until you trust me again, he’d said. Wasn’t it clear enough by you staying?

You’d all but moved into his room, sending Lucille back and forth with hampers for your clothes, which now hang in one side of his closet, or sat folded in his previously empty drawers. You felt closer to him than you ever had before, and the two of you had skin littered with bruises which made you grateful you didn’t have any public functions to attend for quite a while. He’d stopped leaving you to go into the city and work, instead managing people from afar, and letting them get on with their jobs so he could weed out the weakest links.

For the first time, it felt a little like he was yours. Or as much yours as he possibly could be. And as you spent more time together, not just half-dressed and desperate, but talking, really talking, you slowly started to feel like you could be his, too.

“Tell me it feels better than he did. When you were together.” He whispered one morning, when you’d not long woken up and he’d immediately ducked under the covers to get between your thighs. He paused, fingers inside you, looking at you intently, and at first you were confused as to what he meant. You heard the tinge of vulnerability in his voice, and took the cue.

“You really think you deserve that? After everything?”

“No.” He whispered, eyes dropping down again.

“So what do we say?”

“Please.”

“One more time for me.”

He spoke up, voice gorgeously wrecked.

“Please. Tell me it’s better.”

“That’s good. And since you’re being good, I’ll tell you. He didn’t…” you swallowed, catching yourself, “He didn’t really like doing that. what you’re doing.” Your facade cracked a little and you glanced off to the side, not sure what reaction you were expecting.

“Really?” His voice was dumbfounded. It made you laugh.

“You know, Snow, a lot of guys don’t. They’re lazy about it. Want to get it over with, get to the real thing.”

A wide smile pulled at his lips, wolfish.

“Who wouldn’t want to do this?”

“Easy for you to say, handsome.”

He grinned wider.

“Can I try something?”

“I don’t know. will I like it?”

“I think we both will.”

Your voice dropped to a whisper.

“Okay, Coryo.”

His smile only deepened, pulling into an excited smirk as he gripped your hips once more, lightly kissing your thighs as he got closer to where you wanted him.

You gasped as his tongue worked you, and when you came, he kept going, easing up only after you’d fallen apart more times than you could keep count.

“Can’t believe you still won’t fuck me.” You pouted one day, as he sat at the desk with a pen in hand, scratching against paper.

He turned around to face you.

“I told you why. Not until-”

“I trust you again, I know. But how do you know that? I could trust you just fine and you wouldn’t even know it.”

“I’ll know.”

You hummed.

“Or,” you started, slipping off the bed and pacing towards him, “you could just fuck me now and call it square.”

He chuckled.

“Nice try, sweetheart.”

You pulled a lip between your teeth as you stood next to him, and he moved his chair out towards you. You smoothed a hand over his dress shirt, and grabbed a hold of his tie. Then you hooked a leg over both of his and lowered yourself onto his lap, face right next to his. You’d grown comfortable with being close to him, and while it still felt electric, you could handle it better. You rocked your hips on his as you got comfortable.

“Feel familiar?”

He hummed in response.

“I’m getting flashbacks.”

You smirked.

“Can I take this off?” You tugged at his shirt.

“Only if you play nice. No acting up, okay?”

“If you say so.” You shrugged, making quick work of the tie and buttons. Once the shirt was off, your lips were all over him, trailing over his chest and neck, tongue tracing lines across his collarbones.

“You don’t have to be anywhere for the next week, do you?” You murmured into his ear.

“No.” His breath hitched a little.

“Good.”

With that, you closed your lips around his pulse, and sucked.

While you littered his whole torso with bruises, and your neck was given a few of its own, you started rocking your hips lazily against him, playing coy like you didn’t know what you were doing, like you couldn’t feel him rock hard between your legs.

“Now this really is taking me back.” His voice strained when he spoke.

You only hummed in response, lace panties bunching in an all-too-familiar way. But you didn’t work your hips like you had something to prove this time, you went slower, taking your time, but staying deliberate in your movements. Your lips met his, breaking away only to breathe, then again when you felt his hips roll a little and his breath get laboured.

You rocked your hips harder, nice and firm. You could feel his cock twitch through his pants, right up against the wet spot forming on your panties. The friction had you shaking.

“Feel good?” You breathed.

“Yeah. Feels real fucking good, sweetheart.”

You smiled as your head lolled back, gasping loud to make sure he really heard it.

“You know what would feel even better, though?”

He mumbled something back but you didn’t catch it, lost in the haze.

“Think it’d feel better if you were fucking me for real right now.”

You didn’t expect the broken moan that escaped him, hands gripping your hips hard. Like the thought of it was enough to make him shatter.

“Baby,” he warned, “don’t.”

“But it would be so easy.” You pressed, “pushing my panties to the side and fucking into me right now.”

“Doll-”

“I know you want to.” you whispered against his ear.

“Do you now?” His strained voice told you everything you needed to know.

You nodded. “Mhm. I know you do. I also know that it’s driving you crazy, having me this close, but not able to take what you want. You must be going out of your mind, you know how I know?”

“How?”

“Because I am too. I’m tired of this rule, Snow. Let’s just forget about it, and fuck me already.”

“Get up.” He said firmly. You started.

“What?”

“You heard me. I said get up, sweetheart.”

You climbed off his lap and stood, cautiously, legs shaking from how close you’d gotten. He did the same, towering over you a little as you failed to hide the smile on your face.

“Get on the bed.”

You took in a breath, shaky with nerves.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

You sat back on the bed, peering over the mattress as he ducked down to pick up something from the floor.

“What are you-”

“Eyes closed.”

“Okay.” You shut your eyes, then felt him get close to you, his lips meeting yours as he knelt in front you, mattress dipping as he shifted. His hands brushed your arms, slowly pushing them behind your back as you melted into him, and before you could open your eyes, you felt the smooth silk of his tie wrap around your wrists and pull.

“What-”

“You want to act up, doll? Fine. Let’s see how many times I can make you cum all over my fingers before you’re begging me to stop.”

His hand slipped between your legs, pushing your lace panties to the side and pressing a finger into your wet cunt as you cried out. Your eyes pleaded at him, desperate.

“But why can’t you-”

“I said,” he repeated, pressing his finger into the spot that make you see stars, “not. Fucking. Yet.”

He spent hours fingering you open, making you cum until you cried. Then he cleaned up your tears and kissed like you were his whole world as you fell into an exhausted sleep, his words floating around in your head.

The black box was tied with a crisp white ribbon, and sat waiting for you on your bed. You approached it with caution, thumbing the piece of card on top of it. It was a note written in ink.

Wear this tonight. Think you’ll suit it well.

- C.S

You’d gone into your room to collect something of yours to take to Snow’s room. You rarely went into your room anymore, most of your things had found their place in his, much to your satisfaction.

It was the first day in about two weeks that Coriolanus had finally had to leave the house to go into the city, but he’d promised it would just be for the day. It was also the first gala you had to attend since you’d made your decision, which you were slightly nervous for, but mostly excited to get out of the house, because although the sacred oasis that his room had become, it would be nice to have a change of scenery.

And that brought you back to the beautifully wrapped box lay in front of you. You were buzzing. You turned the note over in your hands, pulling it to your face to breathe it in. It smelt like newly printed books, and something distinctly him.

You recognised the label on the box, it was one of your favorite designers. You pushed the lid away to reveal the most beautiful dress you’d ever laid your eyes on – and you’d seen some impressive pieces.

It was a dark crimson red with gold embroidery, soft as silk. You unfolded it gently, letting the fabric spill out towards the floor. It was a little more revealing than anything you currently owned, with a deep slit up the leg and a plunging neckline, waist cinched, but the rest of the dress was floor length. A smile crept onto your face.

After counting down the hours, it was finally time to make your way downstairs. Snow stood in a full suit, waiting at the bottom of the staircase.

“You look beautiful.” He remarked.

“You don’t look too shabby yourself.” You smiled in response.

You met at the foot of the stairs, and he took your hand in his.

“Thank you for the dress. It’s gorgeous.” You added, not sure why you were lowering your voice in your own lobby.

“I knew it would suit you. Now you’re almost ready to go.”

“Almost?” You frowned, not sure what you could possibly be missing.

Coriolanus lifted his hand to pull the white rose from his breast pocket. He examined it, then lifted it to your hair and tucked it gently behind your ear. Your lips parted in surprise, and your hand reached up to meet his.

“But it’s your signature. I couldn’t-”

“I know. But people won’t be looking at me tonight. They’ll be looking at you. And this way, when they do, each and every one of them will know that you’re mine.”

That knowing smile crept back onto your face, and you leaned in to press your lips to his.

When you pulled away, you thumbed his tie, realising the color matched your dress exactly.

“I’m sensing a similar theme here.”

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve been seen out in public. It’ll be good to show up like this, show a strong front, not leave any doubters.”

You hummed.

“And when we get home?”

His stare drew you in; you could get lost in it and never find your way out.

“That depends.”

Your gaze lowered to his lips, then back up again.

“Missed you today.” You said.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“You promise?”

He smiled.

“I promise, sweetheart.”

“Snow?”

He hummed in response. Your hand felt like it could melt into his, thumb brushing your palm.

“What would you say if I told you that I trust you now?”

His hand stilled. His eyes bored into yours.

“I’d say… that I believe you.”

You held your breath in, letting the anticipation wash over you.

“Later?” You whispered, and he nodded.

“Later.”

The ball was one of the most extravagant you’d seen, large chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and fountains of champagne dotted around. The health minister had outdone himself, and when you said so to Snow, he muttered a comment about him spending more time planning parties than doing his real job. But he smiled to all the right people, and his hand in yours calmed your nerves as a large procession saw you into the ballroom.

You danced until your feet turned numb, spinning on the ballroom floor, every time Coriolanus put his hands on your waist or wrapped his hand around yours drawing you in further, bringing you closer to forgetting everyone was watching you when his eyes were on yours, each stare becoming some secret language you were now terribly well-versed in. He didn’t let himself get distracted this time, quickly gravitating back to you any time he got pulled away into a conversation, and you basked in the attention, the two of you flirting to high heaven. When you’d spun until you were dizzy, he went to get you a drink, and you stepped off the floor of twirling couples.

It was then that you saw your mother, standing anxiously to one side, the stem of a champagne glass pressed between her fingers. Your parents rarely made it to these functions, but apparently, they had made time for this one. Suddenly aware of your frown and not wanting to arise suspicion, you plastered on a false smile and swanned through the crowd in her direction.

“Oh, darling. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Of course I am, mother, I wouldn’t miss it. Is everything alright?”

She glanced around the two of you nervously, fiddling with her glass. You touched her shoulder and gently guided her further into the corner of the room. You rarely saw her this distressed, usually the picture of grace and poise.

“What’s wrong?” You pressed.

“Have you heard from Nathaniel?”

Your brows furrowed.

“Nathaniel Greene? Not in a long time.” You figured the little stunt of yours from the month before should go unmentioned.

“I heard from his parents the other day. They’re completely distraught.”

“Why? What on earth happened?”

For a second, echoes of threats that had long settled to the ground popped back into the forefront of your mind, and you swallowed thickly. You sat down in two small chairs at the side of the room.

“They can’t begin to understand why. Perhaps it was work, perhaps he was gambling, or in debt, but nothing could possibly explain such a cruel fate.”

“Mother, tell me what happened. Is he…”

Her hands shook, and you took the glass of champagne from her and placed it on a nearby tray.

“He’s not dead, my darling. It’s worse. A messenger came to his house late the other night. They asked him to pack a bag, and they took him away. To… I can barely say it.”

“Mother,” you gritted, “tell me.”

“A peacekeeper, of all things.” Horror filled her voice. “They sent him away to the districts, for the next twenty years. But what could he have done? I can barely understand it. Can you imagine? A young man of his standing, wasting away in that place? His family is ruined.”

Right then, the crowd around you parted in a way that could only announce the presence of one person.

“Sweetheart, is everything okay?”

You lifted your head to meet cool blue eyes and a slightly suspicious stare. From where you sat, Snow towered over you both, drink in hand.

“Everything’s fine.” You replied, “my mother isn’t feeling too well. Do you think we could find my father and have him take her home?”

He nodded at an Avox nearby who stepped dutifully away without missing a beat, and a server offered your mother a tray with a glass of water on it. You stood and faced Coriolanus, conscious of the now very interested crowd, and nodded to the large double doors that stood to your right.

“A word?”

He followed you in cautiously.

“I just heard something interesting.” You started.

He stood up straight, setting his jaw when you finally turned to face him. Even though you were barely alone, just a closed door between you and hundreds of people, it felt electric to be standing so close to him again with nobody watching you.

“What’s that?”

Playing it safe. An interesting move.

“Oh, just some rumor about an old friend of ours.”

“Who would that be?”

You smiled.

“I thought it was funny you asked about him the other day. Were you worried if I left you I’d go back to him?”

“Not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, don’t play coy, Coriolanus.” You drawled. “You sent Nathaniel off to be a peacekeeper so I couldn’t go back to him.”

His stony façade fell through a little.

“And if I did?”

The deep frown you’d plastered onto your face for your mother’s benefit fell away, and your lips curved into a smirk.

“I’d say... well played.”

He blinked.

“You’re not upset?”

“Over him? Barely.”

“You’re - ” Snow paused, “so you’re not angry that I sent him away? The districts are hell, you know.”

“I’m sure. I don’t care, Snow. If anything, I’m impressed.”

“Why?”

You shrugged.

“He had it coming. He slept with my closest friend a week after we ended things. He never knew I found out. I’ve just been waiting, really, for him to get what he deserves. I doubted you’d let him off without a warning. There I was thinking you’d lost your touch for a while.”

You wanted to bottle the feeling you got from his eyes burning into you, with something that tasted like admiration.

“I nearly did let him off, for your sake.” He confessed. “But... if that's the case, I'm glad I changed my mind."

“So am I. It was that weekend I left, wasn’t it?”

“Damage control." He said tightly, "You can’t blame me.”

“Thought so. Good work, Snow.” You stepped towards him and revelled in the apprehension on his face with a smirk. “It’s a shame for his family, but they were never particularly nice. Collateral, I suppose.”

“You really don’t care at all?”

“Does it look like I care?”

“No.”

“I think you can read me as well as the next person. So I don’t care. Is that so tragic?”

He shook his head, bewildered. A strange smile appeared on his face.

“No, that’s… that’s good.”

You smirked as a thought popped into your head.

“How long do you think he’ll last out there?”

“Who knows? I hope you’re not banking on him ever coming back.”

You fiddled with his tie, smoothing it down.

“Never. We can’t all be Coriolanus Snow, can we?”

“Certainly not.”

You stepped even closer, and his back bumped softly against the wall. His gaze fell to your lips. You'd painted them a red so deep it was almost black, matching the dress.

"You like the color?" You asked.

"Yeah. Reminds me of when you kissed me in front of everyone and I couldn't get it off."

You laughed.

"Well, it was one way of getting your attention."

"It drove me fucking crazy, you know. It's all I thought about when I jerked off for weeks."

Fuck. Your eyes went a little heavy, laden with want.

“I hope this hasn’t changed our plans tonight.” You murmured.

“Has it changed them for you?”

You shook your head quickly.

“No. You?”

“Of course not.” He brushed a stray piece of hair out of your face.

“Good. Because now he’s out of our way, I’m tired of this party. I want to go home."

His eyes darkened a little and he drew in a breath.

“I’ll go say my goodbyes.”

With one of his hands on the doorknob, you stopped him.

“Snow?”

“Yes?”

“I don't want you to be nice. Later, I mean.”

If you didn’t know better, you’d think he was just a few squeezes shy of breaking off the doorknob.

Your body slammed against his bedroom door with a force. His hands travelled under your clothes; wanting, needing to touch. You sighed and gasped at the feeling, his cold hands on your skin shooting chills through you, tugging off your clothes, kissing your neck, taking all that he wanted but still desperate for more. The rose had long fallen from your hair and lay, forgotten, on the hardwood. He kissed you with purpose, like he was once again trying to prove that he owned you, all the while understanding that he couldn’t. Maybe that’s what pushed him to touch you, to kiss you like it was the last time, like he was scared you’d float away somehow, even though you both know that wouldn’t really happen.

You understood it, because you felt the same way about him.

You revelled in it, in the way his hands wrapped around your back, lowered to your legs, and lifted you up to push you harder against the door. His lips travelled across every square inch of bare skin he could find, your dress pushed down to your waist, lace bra exposed.

“Take it off.” He whispered, and you arched your back, reaching for the clasp and unhooking it with lightning speed. The lights were dim in his room, casting shadows that danced as the two of you moved together. Your head fell back against the solid wood as Coriolanus licked a trail up your neck. It was depraved, more passionate than anything you’d felt before. You could hardly think, blood pumping through your veins faster than you could stand. The only thing louder than the rush of blood in your ears was the sound of your breath mixing, hot and heavy as you took, impatient and without apology.

You cried out as his hips pressed harder into yours, and you could feel his length pressing up against you for the hundredth time. Except this time, you could finally let yourself imagine him inside you and trust that he wouldn’t turn this into another round of the game you’d thought endless. You squeezed your legs around his hips.

“Bed.” You gasped, and he grinned, wolfish and thrilled. You were the luckiest girl in Panem, to get to see him look at you that way.

“Been waiting to get this dress off you since I had it made.”

“Don’t tear it. Be gentle.”

“With you, or the dress?”

You narrowed your eyes as he carried you to the bed and placed you down on the mattress.

“Thought I told you that already.”

He was careful with the dress, slipping it over your hips and draping it over the back of the desk chair. When he came back, you were propped up on your elbows, legs bent at the knee, stare unwavering, panties the only thing left to take off. He was still wearing too much, shirt messily undone, pants still fastened but barely concealing the tent beneath them.

“You sure about this?” He checked.

“That a trick question?”

“Doll.”

You laughed.

“Yes, I’m sure. Take off your shirt, handsome.”

He pulled off the white shirt methodically, and you shifted onto your knees to pull off his belt and toss it to the floor, eager to speed things along. You took in his toned chest and let your gaze sink down to his boxers, where his cock stood painfully hard beneath the material.

“Can I…” You prompted.

“Fuck. Yes. Please.” He sighed as your nails trailed up the bare skin of his thigh and brushed softly over his cock.

You smiled at the addition and took one last glance at his face, anticipation clear on his features that morphed a little in the near-darkness. Then, you pulled the material down his legs and his cock sprung free, and you forgot that you’d done this before, that you were used to this, to him, to being with him in almost every sense. It all slipped away, and as your hand reached to touch him with nothing between the two of you, it felt like the first time you’d ever done it. The breath he sucked in as you started to push the precum around his tip urged you on, making you brazen, and you readjusted your knees on the bed and got closer, then licked a stripe from the base of his cock to the tip.

“Oh my – fuck.” He groaned, and you couldn’t help the smile on your face, grateful for the darkness.

“That okay?”

He laughed, something dark and untethered.

“You fucking know it is. Such a fucking tease.”

“Wouldn’t be such a tease if we’d done this sooner.”

“Somehow I doubt that, sweetheart – ah.”

He was cut off by you taking the tip of his cock in your mouth and sucking hard as you gripped the base. You pumped your hand a few times and revelled in the sounds he made, choked out grunts and broken sighs, mixed with the occasional curse or a cry of your name.

You felt his hand gently brush against your hair, ever so cautious.

“Can I…”

“Mhm.” You hummed in the affirmative, and he sighed, all low and shaky as he pushed his fingers through your locks, not guiding, just careful pressure on your scalp as he let you take the lead.

“Baby,” he gritted out, “I don’t know how much longer I can… fuck, that’s-”

He sucked in a sharp breath as you stopped, pulling off, lips swollen. You looked up at him, stunned as he caught his breath.

“Coriolanus?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we turn a light on? I can’t… I want to see you.”

In the shadows, you could just make out the glint of his eyes and a dumbfounded smile.

“Of course.”

He stepped away, kicking off his boxers, and you watched him reach over the desk to switch on a small lamp. It lit up his face and you took him in, a thin cast of sweat shimmering across his face and chest. When he turned, you glanced away like you hadn’t been staring. He caught on with a grin.

“Like what you see?”

Such a dick.

“I’d like it better if you were over here.” You mumbled as he paced back towards you.

“You’re the one who wanted the light on, sweetheart. Now I know why.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Snow.”

“Coryo.” His breath danced against your lips as he closed in, lips sealing against yours as he pushed you back on the bed.

“Coryo.” You repeated with a smile when he pulled away kissing down your neck and chest, feeling the shape of the name in your mouth.

Then his hands were on you again as if they’d never left. More heat pooled between your legs as he trailed his hands down your thighs, and you let your head fall back as his fingers pressed through the seam of your panties.

His breath got shaky again as his fingers pushed the scrap of wet fabric to the side. You gasped as his thumb went straight to your clit, determined, rubbing tight circles against the hard nub.

“Oh my god, Coryo, I-”

“So fucking wet, sweetheart. Is this all for me?”

It was too much all at once. You pressed your lips together tightly and nodded. Beside yourself, your left hand pressed against your mouth to muffle your moans.

Then he fucking stopped. Your hand fell from your mouth, and you felt the lace get pulled down your legs.

“What are you…” You trailed off. The dim light let you make out his face and you could see his expression now, wanting, but careful, methodical.

“Open your mouth.”

When your lips parted, a little in response, but moreso in surprise, the two fingers he’d been using on your clit slipped into your mouth, pulling your jaw open as his other hand propped him up. You could taste yourself, hot and heavy, spilling onto your tongue.

“I want to hear you, baby. You can’t cover your mouth like that if I’m gonna hear you.”

You nodded, brain a little dead.

“Good girl. Now I don’t have a free hand, know what that means?”

You cried out a little, tongue trapped beneath his fingers.

“Touch yourself, doll. I’ve got you. We’re gonna get you nice and fucking close, okay?”

A little self-aware with him hovering right above you, you snaked a hand between your legs, but when you saw the look on his face you stopped wasting time, pushing two fingers inside yourself, heel of your hand bumping your clit as a whine slipped past your lips.

He kept talking, whispering hot and heavy into your ear, dragging his lips over your neck, pressing kisses wherever he could reach, every touch burning your skin like it was molten. When you’d lost yourself enough, mouth still parted; his fingers gentler now he’d made his point, he ducked his head lower, trailing his lips over your tits, placed his mouth over your nipple and sucked. Your moans got louder, feeling like every inch of skin he covered was hardwired to your cunt, your fingers getting tired and sloppy as you got yourself closer, dripping down your thighs.

You made a sound and he glanced up at you, pulling his fingers from your mouth.

“Just fuck me. Please, I can’t wait anymore, Coryo.” You whined, trying desperately to slow down your breathing.

“Poor baby. Couldn’t make yourself cum first?”

You shook your head, any more and you were sure your eyes would start to water.

“That’s okay, doll. I wasn’t gonna let you anyway.”

He lowered himself down towards you, arms either side of yours, crowding you in. Then his hands travelled down, lower, and your eyes rolled back, mouth agape as you felt his cock press against your entrance.

“Fuck.” You whispered, and he was strangely quiet. You blinked, and looked down at him, and you’d never seen such a pained look on his face. His lips parted, eyes heavy and slitted as he looked down at where his cock rubbed up and down like he was in a trance, slowly nudging your clit and getting himself wetter, tip glistening in the dim light.

Desperate for friction, you started rocking your hips, aching for him to push inside of you.

“Not just yet.” He breathed, voice strung-out and insane. “I won’t make you wait much longer, baby.”

“Please. I need you to fuck me. Don’t make me fucking beg.”

Usually, you’d see a sly smile appear on his face, but he just pressed his eyes closed as if the thought was going to send him over the edge. It was the sweetest torture you’d ever felt. Then, finally, you felt his cock catch at your entrance, and slowly press inside. You gasped at the pressure, at the size of him, and he was barely even moving.

“That’s it, baby.” He breathed. “I’m right here.”

He shifted his hips a little, and you clawed at his back, nails digging in until he hissed, rocking your hips to beg for more. You didn't want him holding back, not when you'd waited months for this. You strained your neck lifting it from the bed to whisper in his ear.

“I meant what I said, Coryo. Don’t be fucking nice.”

It was as if something in him snapped. Like he was holding on by a single thread, and you’d send him spiralling out of control. His hips jerked forward and you cried out as he filled you to the hilt, then rocked into you again, picking up a pace that was almost punishing. You tasted it, still wet on your lips, clung to your skin, and now, deep inside you.

Danger.

“So fucking pretty. Does my pretty girl need to get fucked, huh? Just like that?”

You could barely form words, legs wrapping around his waist to pull him in further, feeling pinned open and beautifully used. Your cries melted together in your head until you could only understand bits and pieces, and as he fucked you, unrelenting, you felt your back slide up the mattress. Your nails dug into his back, and you were sure they must’ve drawn blood. His forehead pressed against yours,

For a second, he slowed, looking down at you.

“That okay?” He muttered.

You nodded, frantic, barely there.

“Yeah.”

He sped up again and your legs grew weak. He reached his free hand down to grab hold of your thigh and push it higher, the new angle making you see stars, clenching around him impossibly tight.

“Good fucking girl.”

At some point, as you exchanged fewer words and more heated glances, you felt your hand slip from his back and come to rest against over his on your thigh, to hold it in place. He took it in stride, taking it in his, fingers interlacing as his thumb brushed yours.

You didn’t think much of it. How could you? Not when he was stretching the walls of your cunt as you gripped him like a vice. Not when you could barely hear the words coming from either of your mouths. But oddly, it was the gentle contrast that pushed you to the edge as he fucked into you just like you’d asked, hard and unrelenting, mean.

Despite it all, it was the thumb that brushed yours that had moans spilling from your mouth as you both took exactly what you wanted from each other. It sparked something in you, something that let you know you were safe here, that there weren’t any walls between you anymore, no twisted games that wouldn’t benefit you both equally.

“I’m close.” You gasped as his cool blue eyes spilled into yours, and you knew he was all yours.

“Yeah? You gonna cum for me, sweetheart? I can feel it.”

You nodded silently, muscles in our thighs tensing around his back, the hand that was twisted into yours now falling onto the bed beside you. He gripped it tighter, and fucked you harder, with a point to prove. When your eyes slid shut in ecstasy, right on the edge of falling apart, he squeezed your hand, palms hot and clammy against each other just like the rest of you.

“Look at me, baby.” He urged, fighting for breath. “You’re so fucking close, I need – shit – need to see you when you cum for me.”

It wasn’t hard to keep your eyes open, to keep them on him when he looked like that, like he was carved by the fucking gods, brow scrunched and shining with sweat, eyes bluer than ever, lips parted in an o shape. It was the prettiest sight you’d seen, and your hand tensed around his when you came, trembling like a leaf, mouth parting in a shout you barely heard, eyes focused on him, only him as he fucked you through it.

"Fuck, that's it, doll. Like that? Right fucking there?"

You cried out in response, and as you spilled apart, you heard your name slip past his lips through your ringing ears , followed by a string of curses, each one filthier than the next, not letting up once as he followed you over the edge, hips stuttering as you felt warmth fill your walls and his head fall down onto the pillow beside yours.

A few moments passed as you let the feeling wash over you, feeling the wonderfully sore, sticky mess between your thighs after he pulled out. You heard him catch his breath, then tumble onto his back by your side. You sighed as you stared at the ceiling, then at him, and with a smile realised he’d been looking at you.

“Like what you see?” You echoed. He smiled, coy.

“You know I do, beautiful.”

You sighed, satisifed.

“Keep calling me beautiful, Snow, and I might start thinking you want to fuck me.” You teased. “Wouldn’t want to give a girl the wrong idea.”

He laughed, bright and loud. A few more seconds passed, and you hummed.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Nothing.” You shrugged. “I’m just a little annoyed I didn’t get to ride you.”

He swallowed then smiled, almost awe-like, transfixed. It was a feeling that you’d gotten used to over the past few weeks, but it felt new this time. Different.

“You’re not done?”

“Are you?”

He glanced at your lips, then back up again, voice earnest.

“Not with you, sweetheart.”

Your voice dropped to a whisper.

“Good. Then lay back. Head on the pillow for me.”

He obliged, blonde curls spilling over the fabric. You liked it when he grew his hair out a little, you thought as you hooked a leg over his waist. His hands came up to touch you, but you pressed his wrists back into the mattress.

“No touching, Coryo. You hear me?”

He nodded, eyes darkening again, and you lowered your head to kiss him, deep and slow. Felt yourself meld into him with a smile as his cock hardened against your thigh.

From the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of the white rose he'd given you, discarded haphazardly on the wooden floor.

And something inside you just knew, you’d never get bored of this.

a/n: hope you liked it. thank you again for the love and for screaming along with me this whole time <33

taglist: (more in the comments) : @superchatnoir07 @nycweb-slinger @lookclosernow @etfrin @resibunn @serving-targaryen-realness @harmfulb1tch @demonsnangels @superb-icarus @julesandro @gracieroxzy @slyhersophia @shadowsepiphany @ben-has-arrived @unclecrunkle @zerotwo-sciencequeen @itsleniiilosers @thesiriusmap @ooooglymoooogly @darkqweenn @going-through-shit @loverw1tch @stinkii-boii @tqmqkii @not-avery @natsgf @sleepysongbirdsings @hopebaker @darknight3904@pemberlystateofmind @bxtchopolis @real-lana-del-rey @24kmar @louweasleymalfoy @m1ndbrand @coconut-dreamz @cosmicgyral @urfavevirgoo @mk15x @theamuz @ashy-kit @violante777 @ohstardew @ohmeadows

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flowershines · 6 months

Text

It’s so wrong

Step bro! Mike Schmidt x fem! reader

warnings: smut, step siblings, handjob, divorce, cheating, no nut november

Seeing the only person who you trusted with your entire life break down; crying hastarily in front of you, shattered your heart. The only thing you ever wanted for your mom was to see her happy, needless to say a week had gone by since he left.

Crying in the bedroom got louder and louder as the nights went on, they would slowly fade away till nothing but crickets were heard from outside the windows.

Walking up to her bedroom and peeking your head through the door she passed out as the tears stained her face, the bags under her eyes made her look like she hadn’t slept in days.

Mom had never cried this much but ever since your dad had left not that long ago she felt like there was no hope left for her and refused to do anything as she felt worthless.

Getting one of the blankets from the end of her bed and placing it on her, kissing her forehead then slowly walking out shutting the door behind you. Wanting to cry as well, your mom breaking down crying was just terrible to hear every night for the past week not to mention your dad didn’t just leave her but left you as well.

Betrayal and Sadness was the only thing that was running through your body along with emptiness as your parents were your best friends. Spending time with them was your favorite passing time thing to do, whether it was going shopping or watching movies.

The week before they broke up, that's when your dad was acting weirder than usual by spending more time on his phone texting someone and when you asked who he was texting he would just put his phone down and say that it was nothing that you should be worrying about.

He would sneak out for suspiciously long hours of the day returning to the house all messed up hair a mess his clothes unbuttoned or just placed on weird, everything he was doing was showing red flags in your head.

Thinking in your head knowing what he was doing but not wanting to believe it as you thought that he would never betray your family like that, come to find out he was doing exactly what you thought he was doing.

He had been cheating on your mom for almost 3 months.

A month later…

Driving to school those memories had filled your head as all your thoughts were about all the messed up things that had happened this past year, all that you had been through just because your dad thought that it was okay to betray your family for some side chick.

You hated him.

Pulling into your school's parking lot and waiting in your car for a minute contemplating whether or not you should actually show up, running your fingers through your hair then rubbing your eyes trying to shake away the thoughts.

Deciding that your grades are plummeting to the ground and that you should go in making an effort to try.

Leaving your car walking in the building your counselor was talking to this kid who you have never seen before, she saw you and called your name then louder and louder, ignoring her and keeping on walking knowing she was going to bring up your attendance.

Along with her talking about your future with colleges and how you need to keep your grades up to get into that college.

Going into your first period the bell had rung just 5 months prior to you walking in, handing the teacher your late pass then sitting down. Your teacher was pulled out into the hallway by said counselor.

Seeing that same kid again you figured that he would be in your class. You just hoped that this day would go by faster, checking the time every minute that passed by.

“Y/n raise your hand.” Your teacher said, looking at you, raising your hand a bit. You looked at her confused. She turned to the kid and proceeded to say, “You can go sit by her.”

Lovely

Now you would have to deal with a kid you have no idea who he is along with asking what this school is like or just basic questions about the school in general, this is just great.

But he was the complete opposite. He looked like this wasn't his first time switching schools. He sat down and placed his head on the desk proceeding to fall asleep, at least it makes it easier for you.

Most of the classes you had were easier than usual which was weird because you thought there was going to be piles and piles of work that you needed to make up but no.

Driving home those thoughts had filled your head once more, turning up the music to tune out the images and memories repaying in your head. You knew that it was just a way of your brain coping with what had happened but still it had hurt.

Walking through the front door, “Mom, I'm home!” You exclaimed loudly so that way she could hear you from your room but to your surprise you heard her say “Here” in the room closest to your living room.

She was by the computer set up right in front of the window with the shaded pulled all the way up. You could see how she was working but something felt off today. There were no stained tears, she was in her work clothes, and seemed happy.

Ofcorce you were happy for her but you also had wondered what had made her so happy, “How was work?” .

“It was really good.” She said with a bright smile on her face

“Someones happy.” Placing your head on her right shoulder

“Yeah.” She smiled to herself but yet hid the details of why she was happy.

“I’m going to go do my homework in my room if you need me just let me know.”

She nodded and proceeded to work on the assignment on the screen, shutting the door and walking up the stairs to go to your room.

Feeling tired from school, I decided to take a small nap. You put your phone on the side table and shut off the light but have the shades slightly open just so that it isn't pitch black in your room.

- Time Skip-

Waking up to hearing a loud noise of voices you had thought you heard screaming in the kitchen rushing downstairs to see what was going on seeing it was your mom and some random guy, walking in the room out of breath as you heartbeat slowed down as you had thought it was your dad yelling at her like he used to.

She was laughing, “Y/n, honey, this is Tom.”

Slowly waving the man who you don’t even know, Who is he? How does mom know him?

Giving her a questionable look she noticed and added, “He’s a friend from work.” He then whispered something in her ear causing her to laugh and playfully slapping his arm.

You faked laughing, then heading upstairs confused.

A month later…

Turns out he was not “just a friend” but rather a guy that she apparently loves as much as she loved dad, thinking to yourself you questioned how they both moved on so easily.

Did they mean nothing to each other?

Not only was Tom moving in but his son as well, Mike.

You were shocked when you first found out and it turns out it was the kid that was sitting next to you during your first period class.

You both occasionally talked but you both kinda stayed to yourself not wanting to bother one another from their life as you both were going through the same thing at the same time.

Just knowing what the other wanted there was an obvious connection between you too as you understood one another, but ignored it as you just wanted space and he respected your opinion.

As time went on you started to talk to Mike more things between the both of you, it felt good; you liked hanging out with Mike, who just recently became your step brother as both of your parents had gotten married to one another. You felt like he understood you and knew exactly what was happening even though half of the stuff he was on the same page as you.

Half of the time you just talked about what was on your mind, things like your parents, school, work and other problems that were happening in your life but not all the time was it bad you guys actually enjoyed hanging out with each other.

You felt like you could tell him anything, he felt like more than a best friend to you and he felt the exact same way.

November

Walking out of the library with Fayah, one of your friends who you have been friends with since the beginning of middle school, she was talking about her boyfriend.

Just then Mike walked up to you guys and started to walk with each other he grabbed your arm and took the cap off the sharpie drawing something on your hand, you just faced Fayah and listened to her talk.

“Yeah he’s doing some stupid challenge, No Nut November.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know it’s some thing where he doesn’t cum for the whole month, so he doesn’t wanna have sex or else he will fail. I swear i’m gonna cry.” She said fake crying

“Your so dramatic.” You said fake shoving her

Parting ways from her, you and Mike go to your car and start driving home, he was blabbering about how bad your driving was when you told him that the next time he could walk to school, he then fake begged putting his hands together leaning closer to you.

“Y/n don't do me like that, I need you.”

Rolling your eyes you pushed his hands away from you breaking his hands apart from one another, he giggled to himself then talked about all the interesting things that had been happening in the school.

“What was that thing that Fayah was talking about?”

“Some challenge that her boyfriend was doing, she was saying how she was going to cry by the end of the month.”

“Why?”

“She can’t have sex with him, it’s a thing where he can’t cum for the whole month.”

“Sounds like a challenge.” He said smirking

“Your nasty.”

“I’ll make you a bet, if you win i will buy you anything.”

“Anything?” You questioned

“Yup, but if i win you have to buy me something.”

“Deal.”

12 days in…

Walking down sitting next to Mike on the couch being relieved that it was a saturday not having any work to do nor any chores as you already did everything, putting on Criminal Minds he watched it with you.

When Reid came on the screen you acted like the biggest fan girl ever leaning onto Mike and saying, “He’s so fine, that's literally my man.”

“I bet.”

Rolling your eyes you continued laying on his lap watching the show at the part where they were starting to figure out who the unsub was, you felt something on your right cheek.

Looking down you see a bulge forming in his pants, he started to stiffen his body and try to make as little movement as possible.

Sitting up and looking at him, you both made eye contact as he looked nervously into your eyes.

“Don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad, you can’t control it, unless you liked me laying on you like that.”

He stayed silent and now refused to look at you looking at his fingers as they fidgeted with one another.

Putting your hands over his, “Answer me, was it because you like me?”

He nodded slowly

“Please don’t tell anyone, you don’t even have to like me back I was just saying cause you told me to.” He talked faster than normal becoming stiff as well.

“No, no it’s okay.” Putting your hand on his thigh rubbing it back and forth as a way to try and calm him down.

But it did the exact opposite, he felt it coming as you continued to rub his thigh he was becoming more desperate for you.

He needed you his cock twitched thinking of all the things he would do to you.

Placing a hand over his bulge in embarrassment he could not look at you at all anymore.

“I’m just going to head upstairs.”

“Why do you can go lose the bet?”

Shit, he forgot all about it but he didn’t want to take a cold shower to calm himself down so he just decided to go through the pain of his hard on.

Walking up the stairs and shutting the door (at least he thought he did) staring at his phone scrolling through instagram.

He came across one of your pictures, he swore he could stare at it for hours.

You were so gorgeous.

Still painfully hard he thought what you didn’t know can’t hurt you.

Finishing up the episode of Criminal Minds you headed upstairs to go and finish your notes you heard a groan coming from his hallway.

There’s no way.

Quietly walking over towards his hallway you peeked your head through his door.

He was thrusting up into his hand as there was a fabric around his dick, it was your underwear you had been missing for almost a month.

He groaned into his pillow with his other hand he was gripping the bed sheets beside him, his knuckles were turning white.

His tip was red as the veins on his dick were very prominent, the more he continued to jerk himself off there was more and more pre cum forming at the tip of it.

“Y-Y/n” He exclaimed in a whisper shout

Trying to get a closer look you tripped on the door making it open you stood up and looked at him, he heard the door and looked up at you with a frightened look.

“Y/N!”

He got the underwear he was jerking off to and placed it over his dick as a way of covering himself.

“You lost, now let me think on what i want.” You walked closer to him sitting on the edge of the bed.

“We’re you watching?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Avoiding the question and looked the other way.

“Need help?”

“Huh?!”

“I mean you already lost the bet so the least i can do is help you instead of using my underwear.”

He looked down and understood what you were talking about.

“Oh i’m sorry.”

“So?”

He took the fabric over his dick off, his dick immediately stood up twitching asking for attention.

Taking his dick in your hand you slowly started to move your hand up and down, low groans were heard from right next to you.

Bringing your hand to your mouth and spitting it on it did something to him, when you did that he felt all queasy.

Going back down to his dick he quietly moan just seconds before you touched him again, wrapping both hands around him jerking him off lightly and twisting both hands the opposite ways.

Not wanting to hurt him you looked up at him for an okay that you are doing good, his head was thrown back and toes curled by the end of his bed.

“I-Y/n I th- think i’m gonna-”

He was cut off as he came all over your hands and chest, he saw where he had came and started to wipe his cum off your tits.

“It’s ok don’t worry about it.” You brushed his hand away

“Thank you.”

“Of course what are step siblings for, also i want a new laptop. Thanks.” Grabbing his cheeks you kissed him on the lips then left.

A week later…

A package was outside your door it was a laptop in a box on the box there was a sticky note and it said…

Y/n, thanks again I had fun maybe again some time. ;)

#josh hutcherson #josh hutcherson smut #mike schmidt #mike schmidt smut #fnaf smut #fluff #fnaf movie #smut

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acesofspadess · 13 days

Text

The Met

summary: you get ready for your first Met Gala that's full of surprises.

notes: fluff, fluff, and more fluff, this was so cute to write and as always reader is a POC.

“Hi Vogue, I'm y/n and I'm here with Pleasing at the 2024 Met Gala.” You were beyond words with emotion at being at your first Met Gala. The video Vogue had decided to do with you was a small get ready with me that you immediately accepted on the spot. As you walked into the serene hotel room full of your ‘get ready team’. You sat in the chair you were set to get your hair and makeup done in.“It’s unbelievable that i'm actually here in New York getting ready for the Met.” you spoke softly as your make up artist applied the beginning steps of your skincare.

“You need something darling?” The voice of the one and only spoke from off camera only a sliver of him could be seen from the mirror you faced. You smiled looking at him through the mirror. “A kiss before Ella makes it impossible to do so.” You laughed softly at your own joke as he came over and the camera had a full view of the soft but love filled kiss you shared.

You and Harry had been together for almost a year romantically. You had known Harry since you both starred together in Don't Worry Darling as Jack and Alice. You two had quickly become the best of friends and were someone he confided in all the time. You travelled with him to Venice for the film festival, and came to the rest of his New York residency shows, and his birthday shows before your job pulled you away from him.

Not that you were really with him. His romantic relationship with Olivia was all a stunt. But he and Olivia were friends which he told you made it alot easier to do.

When they broke up in November of 2022 he came to you crying. You had thought it was all fake at first judgement, and he confirmed it was, but that he couldn't any longer spend his time pretending.

You -better than anyone- knew what it was like to pretend after playing so many different characters. He had spent that night in your arms and you wonder if that's where it all actually started.

You were pulled away once again with months and months of press for your role in Barbie. It wasn't until the end of May that you finally had a decent break before picking up Bridgerton again for your season. You had stayed in touch with Harry for all 6 months and when he knew you were shot of anywork he flew you out to Scotland just in time for his show.

You spent countless time with him and his close friends getting to know them better and personally. You were beyond proud when he sold out Slane a few weeks after you had joined him on tour. Before he went on stage you were sitting with him in his dressing room as you calmed him down.

“Haz, you are the only person I know that could ever do something to this magnitude right now. You did this and I know you can go out there and be the best singer and person I know.” you cupped your hands around his cheeks and closed his releasing a deep breath. “You're amazing Hazza, and I know you know that.” he giggled softly and nodded his head. “Thank you,” the way he whispered your name wasn't like he had before. He looked at you with so much passion and you knew exactly the proximity between you- or lack thereof- and he knew exactly what he was doing when he looked at your lips then your eyes. “Harry-” “Y/N”

“You've got to be on stage in about 10 seconds.”

“I'm aware.”

“So are you gonna kiss me now or-”

That was all it took for you both to let yourselves completely and utterly fall for each other.

In September he introduced you to Niall which made you cry, but not as much as you did when he got down on one knee a few weeks later on October 15.

You wanted to keep the wedding very secluded and in a place both of you called home. Your wedding was small but everyone you could have ever wanted was there (with your own one direction reunion) and it was kept from the public.

The past few months as a married couple were the best months you've ever had, and now you were here, at the Met Gala, being the first to bring his brand into the luxury scene and the both of you couldn't be more proud of each other.

“Okay one more.” he whispered, giving you much more than just one before Ella and Lyric were shoo’ing him off to finally start. “I love you, darling. Thank you for being here with me.” you held his hand as he backed away. “Thank you for believing in my brand and bringing it to life. I love you forever.”

The video resumed as you talked about the details of your hair, make up and dress before you were fully done and ready to step out of the hotel. You wanted to be able to scream that you wearing your husband's line and when Harry kissed you as you walked out and told you, “show them who my wife is’ you knew he was ready and you were more than happy to oblige.

You had just made it to the Met Gala and as you stepped out you waved letting your wedding ring shine. The train to your dress was long -extremely long- and you needed about 5 people to help you lift it.

As you waited in line, many people shouted your name and you waved to all the fans lined up on the streets sending them kisses in thanks. It was finally your turn to walk the stairs and they had cleared everyone in your path for you to be on full display.

The shutter of thousands of cameras and shouts wanting to gain your attention for a photo were drowned out when you saw someone you didn't think you would. “Harry over here please.” You heard someone shout and you laughed loudly, of course he would. You waited at the second landing of stairs for him and you kissed him as he finally stood next to you.

“Why didn't you tell me?” you laughed in between poses. “Wanted you to have your moment. I'll see you at the top.” he walked up the rest of the way stopping at the top just out of the way for the photographer to get you and your entire dress without anyone in the pictures. You and all the people helping you with your dress walked up to the top to take your final photos. You saw Harry in an interview with Emma not too far from LaLa Anthony who you knew you were interviewing with.

“Y/N!! Holy- Girl you look so sexy.” you laughed as you kicked your leg out showing off the slit. “I feel sexy in this dress. It took ages to put together.” you laughed with her. “Yes I was getting ready to ask, who are you wearing?” You couldn't help the smile that plastered on your face. “Oohhh I know that smile.” LaLa laughed and you nodded. “I'm wearing Pleasing. It's their first ever luxury fashion debut and I'm so glad I got to be a part of this experience. I got to help design this with Harry Lambert, and Harry Styles. They wanted to choose a colour that not only matched the theme, but really complimented my skin tone. We wanted to really focus on the ‘time’ part of the theme so each flowers centre has a clock in the middle. It took almost 25,000 hours to make this dress and Im really just so honoured that Harry and Pleasing gave me this opportunity.”

LaLa praised your response, “They chose the right person to debut on let me tell you. The way the colours bounce off the brown of your skin and the slit and the shape. You truly do look wonderful. Now we did see Harry walking up. I want to ask him about some things on your dress.”

You both looked around for him. “He was just here, I swear.” LaLa spotted him and waved him over, his eyes litting up when he saw you.

“Hello.” he kissed Lalas cheeks before stepping next to you. “Hello, beautiful wife.” he kissed your cheek. “Hi my beautiful husband.” you teased back knowing exactly what he was doing. “Husband? Wife?” Lala gasped and you both smiled as you held up your hand. “Yes, I've finally managed to tie him down.” you all laughed and his arm snaked around your waist. “This is the best news ever, husband and wife, debuting your brand- Harry how do you feel?”

You watched as he spoke and swore you fell more in love with him at every moment. “But my beautiful wife put the idea of wearing Pleasing to the Met, and giving the vogue club members a pleasing room. This all goes to her, all we did was make the dress.”

You scoffed at his humbleness. “Yeah, like that was a walk in the park.” He shook his head at you blushing. “I'll say this final thing. Harry has done an amazing job at getting pleasing to where it's at and this dress and his outfit are his and Pleasings and I just can't wait for you all to see what he brings in the future.”

LaLa hugged you both before you walked away with Harry holding your dress for you. “Thank you so much for wearing this. You have been apart of Pleasing since the beginning and I couldn't imagine anyone else wearing this. You have truly made me the happiest person alive. I love you so much. ” He whispered to you as you walked inside. “I have loved you in many ways since we first read together. I am honoured to have been by your side through Pleasings beginnings, and i simply cannot wait to see what you do next.”

He kissed you softly again and again and again, and you simply could not wait to be back in the hotel room in his arms.

#harry styles blurb #hslot #harry styles fluff #harrys house #harry styles x reader #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles icons #harry styles fic #harry #harry styles fanfiction #harry blurb #harry edward styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you

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gavi4me · 6 months

Text

No Nut November (gavi)

Warnings - mentions of sex, kinky! reader, cursing, (might be more lmk)

Pablo in this fic just ‘wants to be yours’ 😉

Word count - 2.1k

It was November atlas, the month of sexual torture, drop in condom usage and no porn. How does one survive November without failing the challenge? Previously, ‘no nut November’ was an easy task for you, not being a sex-loving person what so ever in your early teen years, but ever since you began seeing Pablo, everything changed.

The boy would edge you for hours, always earning the highest of the high from you. Pablo was, in your opinion, the best sex you’d ever had. Well it was between him and a 15 year old teenager, who was scared of woman and sexually awkward in a bathroom. Pablo, like on the field was a big dom, but that’s how you liked it anyways. You liked when the man would take control and use your body to seek scary good highs for the both of you. Besides the sex and everything, Pablo actually knew how to treat you well, giving you flowers every Friday as a reward for completing the week, which would often lead to sex, again. Or like carrying your heals when you didn’t want to walk in them anymore.

Pablo was as, if not more sex-loving than you. He was the one who initiated the first time together and the one who usually got you to become horny as well. He’d touch you in all the right places to get his message across. How could you ever resist.

The previous night, Pablo had fucked you, hard and long, wanting to make the most of the last time he’d get your body for a while. You both had woken up tired, and sore, with the post sex bliss. Cuddled up together, dressed and cold, using each other for warmth during the ‘cold’ Barcelona weather. (Just pretend it gets really cold there in November haha). Usually you two would sleep naked but since the following morning was November, you opted to sleep with clothes.

Pablo always woke up before you, the trainings having a toll on his non training mornings.

When he crooked his eye open, you were no where to be found, your side of the bed empty as he checked the clock. It was 7:23, not a normal time for you to wake up at as you loved sleeping in as much as your heart desired.

He got off the bed and felt a shiver run down his body when he touched the cold, hard wood floors. The little boy raced towards the dresser to find socks and ran down the hall to the kitchen.

“Bebé?” He called out.

“Ah Pablo, you’re up! How’d you sleep?”

“Could’ve been better if November wasn’t the next day but besides that I had a great rest” Pablo said as he walked over to the opposite side of the counter where you had been drinking your coffee, finishing up the last sips and turning around to the sink. He kissed the crown of your head before leaning back against the counter.

“It’s okay amor. It’s only 1 month after all. You can last, can’t you?” You asked while rinsing your mug.

“One month without you. That’s a living hell for me..” Pablo mumbled before starting the coffee maker.

“How about this. On the first of December, and if you last the whole month, I’ll give you a reward.” You smirked. “Just wait the month, it’ll be so much more worth it…” you winked before going back to the shared bedroom to get changed into street clothes.

The following week was quite tough for Pablo, this being the first ‘no nut November’ you two would share together and never going past 2 weeks without touching or tasting one another. It was a living hell for the poor boy, just wanting the month to be over.

It had been hard for you too. Coming back home from a hard and stressful day of work just to not be able to do what you wanted most with the person you loved most. You’d often complain to the other girls about how needy you had became.

“Sometimes before bed, the boy comes out of the shower in only a towel and I have to hide under the covers to get rid of my temptations!” You said on the phone with Mikky. Pablo had gone out shopping so he wasn’t home. Or at least you thought (wink wink)

“Ahh I don’t know how I’d survive if Frenkie was like that. Luckily I’m pregnant so the only temptations I need to get rid of are sweet pickles” you both started laughing at the comment. You didn’t hear the front door open through the laughter, signifying pablo was home so as you continued to talk about him on the phone like - “I miss cuddling with him, and it not being a problem if the cuddles went passed that.” Or “I can’t wait for November to be over.” And “I can’t wait for the little reward I have planned”, Pablo crooked opened the door, just enough to hear. (Mikky really didn’t need to know that BUT imagine she’s also talking about similar stuff and all will be okay 😭)

Pablo crept up on you as you were allowing Mikky to speak, listening while playing with your fingernails. Suddenly Pablo wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up, making you promptly drop the phone and kick your feet so he’d let you down.

“IYE PABLO!? Put me down this instance!” You yelled while trying to get set free. He spun you around the room whilst blowing into your neck. Your screams turned into laughs as he knew how ticklish you were in your neck area. Finally, after a minute, he threw you onto the bed and gave you one last kiss before collapsing besides you.

“I heard what you were saying to Mikky on the phone-” he was panting from the previous spinning and such. He starting laughing at your surprised reaction. You turned around in embarrassment and attempted to scoot far away but gavi pulled you by your waist so your back back was against his stomach. He started to laugh again before finally setting you free.

“H-how much of that conversation did you hear-?” You asked slightly anxious.

“Enough to know that we are both craving the same thing.” He whispered in your ear before you pushed his face away.

“Dios! I never realized how hard going a month without you could be.” You cried into your hands.

“Now you understand my pain” Pablo laughed, stroking your hair to the side.

“Y/n? Hello? -you still there..” you heard from your phone.

Pablo bursted our laughing while you became red in the face, embarrassed that she had just heard all of that.

“Yes- sorry I’m here. Pablo needed me for a minute..”

The next two weeks, you heard that many of Pablo’s teammates had gotten out. Pedri caught masturbating in the showers, Ferran with his girl, Sara and Ilkay, and many, many more. You were proud that you and Pablo had lasted this long through the month, longer than many of his much older and well, responsible friends.

You were becoming even more and more impatient as the month progressed, just wanting to feel Pablo inside of you as you screamed his name out in pleasure when he hit your g-spot. You wanted to be able to wake up the morning after, too sore to do anything and have Pablo carry you around the house like a bodyguard.

During the final week of November, you finally started to get gavi riled up. Whether it be “accidental touches” to his groin, as you put it or accidentally rubbing against him when trying to reach for something. You found it funny when he would push you off or pick you up and throw you onto the couch somewhere for “misbehaving”.

An example of this was when you both were having a movie night together and were in the kitchen, making popcorn and other snacks to eat. While pablo was waiting for the butter to melt, he came up from behind you and rested him chin on your head as you were making the popcorn. He closed his eyes for second, feelings tired from the hard, strenuous day of training he had that morning-afternoon and just wanted to cuddle to sleep next to you. That wasn’t what happened though. As you felt him rest most of his weight against your head, you began to think of ways to annoy him without getting in trouble. You decided to open the drawer that was in front of you. You opened it but with that came with moving backwards and grinding up against him. Pablo suddenly pushed himself off starring at you like you had just done a sin, which in NNN, it was for him.

“What happened pabs?” You asked with an innocent expression on your face.

“Stop it” he said firmly.

“Stop what?” You asked, this time coming closer to him and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Don’t do what you just did again for like a week or we won’t watch a movie..” he starred down at you as you lifted your head away from his chest.

“Well if I don’t know what I’m doing wrong how can I stop..?” You responded before slowly slipping off his chest, bringing them down to where his abdomen was and grazing your finger tips along the length of his groin while bringing them down to your sides and promptly walking off.

“Woah woah woah you don’t think I know what game you’re playing. Come back here” he chased after you as you both ran around the house screaming and giggling, not wanting to get caught by him.

At some point, he caught up to you, evident that he gained stamina from all those trainings he went to. You tried running as fast as you could but he was much, much faster than you. He reached for you waist and pulled you closer to him before turning you over and throwing you over his shoulder.

“DIOS PABS PUT ME DOWN!” you whined, kicking and screaming like a little child. He didn’t respond, rather he gave you a couple of spanks and walked down to the living room where he threw you onto the couch and trapped you there, both arms on either side of your head so you couldn’t move.

“I keep telling you to stop but you never stop..” he spoke. “God…what will I do with you”

“Nothing as of right now.” You winked while groping his left bicep.

“Fuck this” he slurred getting up and walking to the bathroom. “You should count yourself as lucky that it’s November”

“Just wait until December!” You laughed. “You can do everything and anything you want to me!”

You two didn’t end up watching that movie together but you did finish most of the food, not wanting it to go to waste (and because you absafuckinglutly love any kind of candy or treat - or maybe that’s just me).

The night before the 30th was hectic for you. You did all the preparations to ensure the next night would be perfect. You took an everything shower, including a face mask for before, shaving, exfoliating, hair mask, leave in conditioner, 3 shampoos, purple shampoo, regular conditioner, hair oil, and a fuck ton of lotion for after. Pablo would be gone for the whole day and wouldn’t come back until later so you thought it would be the perfect time to get everything ready. You wanted to look and feel perfect for Pablo so for the 30 days he had waited would be worth it.

When he arrived home, you were still applying one of your many, many creams onto your face, using the little gua sha to mold your face and start the circulation.

“There’s my pretty girl.” Pablo kissed your cheek looking at your face through the mirror. You hadn’t taken your eyes off your face nor responded, trying to keep your full attention to you skin.

“No response?” He waited for a second before kissing the crown of your head and leaving.

“Bye pabs” you giggled whilst opening your next moisturizer.

A/n

Okay so crazy enough I managed to finish whatever this is in under 3 days. Look at me go. Though don’t expect this speed from me again ESPECIALLY with long chapters. I’m a huge procrastinator so it takes a while. The next part of the series I hope shall come out maybe by Wednesday, depends how much free time I have. I love some parts of this chapter because some parts of it are kinda like me irl and I’m glad I got to incorporate some aspects of myself in ‘y/n’.

#Spotify #gavi #nnn #no nut november #fluff #smutish #gavi fluff #x reader #futbol

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lazybutsmexy · 1 year

Text

Bird hunting

Ghost x fem!reader x Soap

Chapter 1: The Snare

Series masterlist > Ch. 2

Warnings: kidnapping, drugging, violence

Summary: It is a beautiful autumn afternoon to go for a last run before reporting back to base, until it isn't.

Do not read if you're under 18. This work contains mature and triggering themes.

Word count: 1400~

Task Force 141 member sheet

Name: [REDACTED]

Call sign: Canary

Rank: Corporal

Specialty: Sniper. Infiltration.

Status: On medical leave until November 18th XXXX

November 17th

Socked feet padded across the cold ceramic floors, a soft amber hue bathing the living room in the late afternoon sunlight. Canary readied herself for her run, the last one before her reinstallment in the task force after a two-month medical leave.

There was now only a faint scar where her shoulder injury had been, a reminder of a mission almost gone terribly wrong. She had been lucky, nonetheless, as she was allowed to carry most of her leave at her own apartment. She appreciated the six weeks of almost-civilian life she was granted, being able to buy her weekly groceries at the nearby farmers market, and catching up with old friends. But to say she was anxious to return to her military routine was an understatement.

Besides, she would be able to see her lovers once again after so long. Just as she was hospitalized, both Simon and Johnny had been shipped off who knows where. All communication had been nonexistent ever since, and every day she dealt with the dull weight in her chest of not knowing where or how they were. One of the reasons why she had requested to carry her leave out of base, was actually not being able to sleep at her barrack, knowing that the one next to hers was quiet and empty. Price had assured her that they would be back around or at the same time she returned to her duties, which may or may not have caused her to count the days down until her leave was up.

Canary whistled a tune that resembled a catchy pop song that had been playing non-stop on the radio for the past week as she secured her running shoes with a double knot. She felt light and airy, all her belongings were packed and her fridge had been emptied. The apartment was sparkling clean and ready to become unused again for who knows how long. The only thing left to do was to get herself takeout dinner on her way back and go to sleep early, to be up at 4 AM sharp to report an hour later on base.

She grabbed her running hoodie - which had been Johnny’s until she refused to give it back - and her gloves. She took a moment to admire these with a blossoming smile.

~~~~

Canary had just sat down on her bed when the door knocked. After an awfully eventful day as a newly appointed corporal in the infamous 141 task force, she barely had any energy to take off her boots, but she still swallowed the groan that nearly escaped her and called out for the person to walk in.

An instant later, Ghost - her Lieutenant and the protagonist of her dreams as of late - was inside her barrack. She stood up straight, but he dismissed her before she got to salute him. Was this a surprise inspection? Canary resisted the urge to look around her own room to see if anything was out of place. She felt a wave of panic rise when she realized she couldn’t remember whether or not she had picked up her dirty socks from under the bed.

“How can I help you, Lieutenant?” she asked, almost regretting it when he locked his stare on her eyes and her heart rate spiked.

“...I came to bring you this,” he said after what seemed like hours - but were probably just a few seconds - and extended his arm to her, on his hand was a box roughly wrapped in yellow paper.

Canary gingerly took the box from his hands and inspected it, before looking up at him again with a questioning tilt of her head. She thought she heard him gulp before crossing his arms over his chest.

“...It’s from me,” he explained, “and Soap.”

She blinked and nodded, carefully unwrapping the box and opening it from the side, sliding its contents onto her open hand. They were a pair of tactical gloves with bone designs - a replica of his own, she noticed. She looked up at him again, this time there was a slight warmth on her cheeks. She wouldn’t know until much later, but the same flush sat on his own cheeks, beneath the balaclava and skull mask.

“...Happy birthday, Canary.”

~~~~

Whenever she thought back to that moment, the warmth returned to her chest. And whenever she slid the gloves on and adjusted them to her wrist, she imagined Simon and Johnny holding her hands.

With her gloves adjusted, she secured her ponytail and walked out the door, saving her keys in the pocket of her hoodie. She greeted Marian, her elderly neighbour, and left on her run.

Her route wasn't a complicated one, it was a long road that crossed the University campus and ran through the forest, then turned before the bridge and led back into the city. In total, it was about 10 kilometers long. It was often frequented by other young people, mostly university students, who chose it to exercise. This didn't bother her, she tended to prefer this as it made her running route less solitary.

However, an unusually long weekend and the closeness of final exams made the route more solitary, as students either traveled home or shut themselves into their homes to cram. Canary didn't mind this at all, taking the chance to do more sprints and put herself back into the mindset she would be in during her missions soon enough.

Her rhythm was good, cutting through her route like a sharpened knife. She imagined herself at times doing a sprint race with Johnny, like they would during training. It wasn't the same without his taunting and their bickering, but she knew they would do it in no time, any day now.

Canary crossed a few people during her run, but the crowd dwindled even more when she crossed the forest. The trees blocked most sounds from the city, allowing her to enjoy the chirping of some birds that hadn't migrated, and the brush of a breeze in the forage. It was a calm day, the sound of her breathing and the crunch of the fallen leaves beneath her feet being the only disturbance in the area.

Out of nowhere, the hairs at the back of her neck stood and a chill ran down her spine. She was being watched. Canary stopped and looked around, trying to find whoever was looking at her. She decided to continue this time being more mindful of her surroundings, although her instinct screamed at her that she was walking into a trap.

As she got closer to the road near the bridge, Canary felt a sharp pain on the right side of her back. She swallowed a cry and reached for the object that pierced her skin. It didn't feel like a bullet, but something with a needle. Her blood turned cold when she pulled it out and examined it.

A tranquilizer dart.

Judging from the direction from where it was shot, she realized it had come from the forest. Soon she heard a rustling of leaves, and she now had only seconds to reach the road and hopefully flag down a passing car for help.

Canary abandoned the trail to run in the muddy grass, nearly slipping twice. She was still gripping the dart in her left hand, when she realized that the drug could knock her out at any moment now. Her pursuer was gaining terrain on her, and a quick look over her shoulder didn't help her nerves. She unfastened her glove and secured the dart in it to make sure she wouldn't lose it, when she felt a weight being thrown on her back.

Both her and her assailant tumbled down violently onto the grass and she struggled against him, only to find out her legs weren't moving. In her panic, she tried to move around to try and get a better look at the man, but her face was shoved down in the mud. Soon, her arms felt numb as well, the only feeling was the sensation of being zip-tied, and a fog began clouding her eyes and mind. She tried to scream for help, for Simon, Johnny, anyone, but her voice was hoarse and weakened, her breathing growing shallow and heavy under the weight of her attacker.

She barely caught the sight of a gray van pulling up in a hurry, and male voices shouting to each other, then her world went black and silent.

Do not repost, translate, or transcribe any of my works in this or any other social media. Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated though ♥️

#ghost x reader x soap #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #john mactavish x reader #soap x reader #simon riley x john mactavish #ghost x soap #simon riley fanfic #simon riley angst #ghost cod fanfic #soap cod fanfic #cod mw2 #cod mw2 fanfic #cod mw2 angst

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espresso-lessdepresso · 1 year

Text

fluff

t/w: Distrust/Suspension, descriptive kiss and make out.

a/n:....so im alive and my exams didn't kill me ^^. but it did take me half a month to actually post something soooo~ anyways, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoy! This has been sitting in my drafts since November I feel like it could still be better but i don't know how T-T

Away from the chaos and social ramble of the Christmas gathering, Schlatt escaped into a faraway room on the second floor which happened to look like a small study. The walls adjacent to the door were lined with ceiling-length bookshelves, deep mahogany in colour, and in between one of the shelves was a fireplace. Dividing the room into two, there was an area for sitting, with a couch and coffee table in front of the fireplace, and there was an area for writing which had a large desk opposite to the couches. The balcony was visible through the sliding glass doors, it had upon it a thick layer of untouched snow.

It was easily brought to Schlatt's attention that even this room was not safe from holiday decoration; garlands lined the tops of the bookcases and alternating green and red stockings hung on the deck of the fireplace. The centre coffee table was decorated with for-show gift boxes wrapped in various colours. Even the scent of sugary Christmas treats and savoury snacks managed to sneak into the room.

Quietness filled the room, for the most part, Schlatt could only hear the low chatter of everyone speaking downstairs since most of it was drowned.

Though the holiday season was joyous and everyone gathered happily to mingle with one another, Schlatt found himself standing alone in the room farthest from everyone. There seemed to be a recurrence of Schlatt's tight-lipped frown and furrowed brows.

Standing turned into pacing.

And with pacing followed the feeling of uneasiness and doubt.

Schlatt was thinking, once again for the nth time this month, about you.

Your sly flirting and paying special attention towards Schlatt had not gone unnoticed. Your attempts had planted a seed of curiosity in him which slowly but surely blossomed into fondness. He himself was pleasantly surprised by this. Flattered even to the point of catching himself smiling like an idiot at the prospect of what could happen and where it could lead.

But these thoughts were short-lived as his mind too quickly was plagued with distrust.

Schlatt was deep in thought, trying to detangle his pasts from his present while staring out into the heavy snowfall. The wind carried the snow in fluffy white swirls. The door handle turned and he wasn't sure if you were the last person he wanted to see or the first. His thoughts were like a ball of yarn that fell prey to Jambo's paws.

"Hey."

Schlatt only nodded back at you, taking notice of the two mugs that you were holding and carefully walked in with.

"Not liking the party?" You asked, handing him a red mug of hot chocolate. The mug was piled with marshmallows and he distinctly remembered that there was a shortage of marshmallows in the kitchen. You must've saved some for him or gone to the extent of going out and buying some. Schlatt's fingers ever so slightly grazed yours and you wanted to make it last as long as you could, taking a step towards him... but within a split second, he retrieved his hand back awkwardly. He averted his attention to the books on the shelf.

Schlatt was wearing his usual clothes; a black sweatshirt with beige pants and white sneakers. He looked the furthest from having a festive spirit. His chestnut hair never failed to look soft, even when going through another phase of change.

Your gaze on him was gentle, done without realising it. Every time you looked at him, his features would captivate your attention; the way he’d fold his arms, furrowed his brows or the way his bottom lip would pout sometimes. Though it is impossible, you would admire him for hours if you could. Schlatt had somehow gotten used to it, the feeling of your eyes trained on him. He could almost always tell whenever you were looking at him. "What are you trying to do?" he asked, breaking the quiet.

Giving him a questioning look, your brows knit as you slightly shook your head. "What am I trying to do?"

"You know," Schlatt turned, "Your advances. Your sudden change in behaviour and your particular attention to me."

"Are they… unwelcomed?"

His face felt warm at the question. Schlatt huffed out in what seemed to be annoyance, "And that. All that endless teasing or whatever it is."

"I thought I was a bit more subtle with it but I guess..." You said more to yourself than him, shrugging in slight embarrassment. You placed your mug of hot chocolate down on the table and took a step closer to him. With the balcony to your side, you felt the slight chill of the weather passing through the glass doors. "So? Are you going to do anything with that information?"

The small curl of your lips made Schlatt's eyes narrow. The gaze they held- or rather the glare, was broken for a split second, looking away from you to the side. When his eyes drew back, you first thought that you saw anger in them but you quickly found it to be frustration. Indecisiveness even. "A fling? Like, is that what you're looking for?

"I'm actually not." You said, taken aback by his words. But not shaken. Have your actions not written everything out by now? You leaned on the glass door with your shoulder, the cold pressing through your sweater. "You think I'm a fling type of person?"

Schlatt again looked at you, between your eyes from left to right and back. Really searching for something. "I'm just...being careful."

"I'm looking for a lot more than just a fling." Sighing, you felt dejected. "I was." You tried to approach him slowly and revealed your likeness by one small fraction at a time. But for whatever reason, his walls seemed to only stand taller and guarded heavily. Looking down, your hope was slipping. With now a cold shoulder, you leaned off of the door to leave the room as well as Schlatt.

But catching you by surprise, Schlatt stepped in front of you. Not only did he block your path to the door but he had you standing between the glass door and himself, leaving as little as a few inches between you two. Schlatt raised one hand towards you and instinctively you took another step back and bumped into the glass. His fingers brushed against your hair as he plucked something out of it.

The absolute closeness and the tension of it had your nerves. Be it the way he looked at you or the pent-up longing you had harboured for him, words escaped your lips before you could stop them. "My feelings for you are genuine Schlatt. They," Your heart was beating up your throat "... are as exactly as I've shown them."

Held between his index finger and thumb was a red berry. You get caught off guard by it. Schlatt looked up and you followed his gaze. There were green branches, adorning long thin leaves and ruby red berries. Tied to the frame of the balcony door by a shimmering red ribbon was a small bouquet of mistletoe.

Without taking your eyes away from the berry caught between his fingers, you spoke, "Do I still have to say more?"

Your anticipation silenced and the distance between the two of you finally closed. His lips on yours were gentle. They barely even pressed down on yours. The timidness showed through as his hands remained where they were, even though they wanted to lace with yours or hang around your waist. It was as though he was testing the waters- making sure you were okay with this. Making sure he was okay with this. Schlatt looked for signs of discomfort, whether you wanted to stop, step back, or perhaps rethink your likeness of him. But you didn't. Eyes closed and hand moving to his chest on its own accord. You kissed him back, just as gently as he did.

Soft.

His lips were unusually soft. Yes you had imagined that they would be so but to actually feel them for the first time, your mind had stopped working. All you would focus on was the pressure of him on you.

Schlatt, having initiated the kiss first, was also the first to pull away. His habit of staring at you- into you, did not seem to cease. Looking into your eyes, looking for something- anything that could possibly hint or prove his suspicions to be true. But staring back at him was just you. You and your dilated pupils drawn on him showed only trust and honest intentions.

“If you try anything-” Schatt started.

“-Nothing you wouldn’t like.” your small voice retorted before he could finish. Your teasing once again brought out the redness of his face, along with your own this time. In a swift motion, Schlatt’s hand moved to flatten against the door with a thud. With his hand right next to your head, you felt even more enclosed than before. You had a way of getting on his nerves, without even trying

There was another beat of silence that filled the room. Schlatt remained in the same position, and so did you. Standing in each other's space, you were almost sharing the same breath. You had not realised but this single small kiss made your chest heave. You continued to heaven as you stared into Schlatt’s eyes. With such closeness, you swore they were a type of brown you had never seen. Unique and so deep, you felt being pulled into them.

Just then, slicing into the thick silence, a voice called out from you. One of your friends was looking for you and you could hear their footsteps in the hallway from inside the room. They were looking for you to help them with something.

Your attention diverted, you were about to call back to the voice, saying that you’ll be there just in a minute. But before you could do so, your lips were drawn and sealed with Schlatt’s. Again. What was different this time was that he did not hold back. That timidness he showed before had gone… It was replaced with some sort of fire.

The voice drifted away.

Schlatt pulled at you. Your voice of surprise was muffled by the way he kissed you. Your noses pressed into each other's faces. Taking another step forward, Schlatt had your back pressed on the glass. A shiver crawled up your back and you pushed away from it, in turn pressing into Schlatt’s broad figure. The hand beside your head cupped your face and his other hand finally got to hang on your waist. Your own hands were sitting on his shoulder and the nape of his neck. The way he led the kiss showed no signs of timidness. He led it with intention, lacking no passion.

A sort of fire kindled within him.

The heavy snowfall settled and the wind ceased to howl. Outside, past the glass doors of the balcony, the night sky was sprinkled with stars and the ground below, a blanket of white snow layed untouched. The weather would continue to be crisp and cold, but with what you ignited within Schlatt, you would be kept warm throughout your winter.

++++++

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spicerackofblorbos · 3 months

Text

Chapter 6: April

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ *kicking my feet excitedly* hey guys, turns out I was just being dramatic. I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. Could it be better? Sure, but that doesn't change that I'm happy with what it is right now. This is super long, but I promise it's worth it. It's filled with tropes and fluff and surprises and I hope you guys enjoy it! Also just a quick 'I'm sorry' for making you wait so long! I was struggling with some bad writers block and then I got covid so things just couldn't pick up the way I wanted them to. But it's here now!!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k (huehue)

The Sakura Festival held downtown was unlike anything you’ve ever been to before. Since Hange and you had moved here sometime over the summer, you had missed all of what Jinae’s spring had to offer. Suffice it to say, though you didn’t know it yet, it was well worth waking up for at 8 in the morning. Your sister, however, thought otherwise as you both sped down the streets towards Levi and Erwin’s apartment while she curled up in her seat.

“I just don’t understand why we have to go right when it opens. It’s going to be…” Hange pauses to yawn heavily. “…an all-day thing.” They finish with a big stretch in the passenger seat. You shoot her a quick displeased glance and they throw their hands up in the air.

“Okay, okay. I know, you’re excited and want to see everything. But I didn’t get to bed until like 3 in the morning. So, excuse me if I’m exhausted.” They mumble before giving in to yet another big yawn. You roll your eyes at them. It’s not like this was sprung upon them last minute. After the conversation with Levi at the diner last month, it was all you could think and talk about. Well, not all.

Your thoughts were clouded with more Levi than usual. He'd been much more open to you the past couple weeks than in the last 5 months combined. The progress was rocky, sure. But progress was still progress. Fortunately, Hange still hadn’t asked for any details of what happened that night, but she knew something was up. You fiddle mindlessly with your necklace at these thoughts, the one you haven’t taken off since it was put on by Levi.

“Thinking about Shorty?” Hange cuts in with a teasing voice. You blindly swat at them without looking over, frowning. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re smiling like an idiot right now!” They laugh and you swat at them again, but you can't help but break out into a matching grin.

Soon after, you park in the street across from the boys’ apartment and shoot Levi a text that you were there. You and Hange had suggested that they carpool with you since Erwin’s wrist was still on the mend and Levi had an aversion to driving himself. The reason why you were stuck behind the wheel, though, and not Hange, was because she was ‘too tired to drive’. You decided quickly that you would rather drive than get into a wreck because your sister fell asleep in the middle of the road.

In the corner of your eye, you see Levi bounding down the steps with his blonde best friend right behind him. You shift in your seat nervously, fingers tapping on the wheel. When they get closer, you're incapable of keeping your eyes off the two handsome men. Even for how warm it was today, you’re not surprised to see Levi wearing his leather jacket over a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. Erwin is dressed in a relaxed fit blue button down and a pair of sunglasses that cover his matching eyes, a denim jacket flung over his shoulder by one finger. They could have been supermodels if they wanted to, you chuckle to yourself.

“Oooh here come the men. Do you think they rehearse that walk when they’re together?” Hange laughs. Levi and Erwin slide into the back seat a few moments later and you turn around in your seat to greet them with a massive smile and wave.

Levi’s deadpan expression doesn’t faze you - though were you able to read his mind, you would know his heart was beating faster than a racehorse the moment he woke up today. Erwin teasingly ruffles Hange’s frazzled hair and pats the top of your head gently. You wouldn’t say it to his face, but he radiated such ‘dad vibes. Not that it bothered you any.

“Well look at you both!” Erwin boisterously exclaims as he beams to the two of you. You smile right back at him in satisfaction. You spent so many hours in the last week trying to find the right thing to wear today. A pair of off-white overalls cinches at your waist and stops at your thighs, the hem hugging at your skin effortlessly. Your favorite band t-shirt can be seen peeking over the straps. With your hair pulled up in a loose ponytail that created tendrils that fell in your face, the look was completed by your new favorite accessory. Which of course was perfect for the occasion.

Levi’s gift glimmers in the sun as you shift in your seat. The gift giver himself had his eyes on you the moment he stepped into the vehicle and only looked away once you met his gaze. A soft blush creeps up your face while you turn to face the wheel.

The drive to the festival grounds was a relatively short one, thankfully. With the help of Erwin’s clear directions, you were able to get there without issue. But then you had to turn down Hange’s obnoxious loud metal music so you could focus on finding a place to park. Even showing up early, parking was a nightmare, and you could only find a spot about a 10-minute walk from the closest entrance.

Jinae has a fairly wide river that cuts through the heart of the town. The festival itself sat on the surrounding outer banks of it, both sides occupied by vendors and joined by a bridge that crossed over the crystal water. It was there on the banks of the river that most of the cherry blossom trees rested, swaying in the spring breeze that caused a flurry of petals to fly around. When you all make it to the archway, you can’t help but clap your hands and jump in excitement. The atmosphere was so lively already, and you could not wait to dive headfirst into what the festival had to offer.

“Well, what’s first on the docket?” Erwin inquires as he steps forward to stare out into the bustling square ahead. You’re already signing excitedly about today’s activities and Hange has to grab your hands to make you stop and start over. You give them an apologetic grin then take a deep breath before signing everything again, slowly this time.

‘There’s a parade of floats made out of flowers that starts in about fifteen minutes. Then there’s a duck race sometime in the afternoon. Not to mention the carnival rides, live music, and finally fireworks to finish the night!’ You had spent such an ungodly amount of time staring at the festival’s schedule that it was practically burned into the back of your skull. And like Hange mentioned earlier, you were dedicated to seeing it all.

“That sounds like a lovely plan, Love. Let’s get going so we can get a good spot then.” Hange says as they bump into your shoulder affectionately when they walk past, starting up a conversation with Erwin as he falls in step with theirs.

You feel something tickle your scalp and as you reach up to see what it is, your hand feels another about to pull away. When you look over, you see Levi’s nimble fingers carefully plucking a blossom petal out of your hair. He mouths a wordless apology. Even with his uninterested face, his eyes couldn't hide his amusement. Amusement for what, though, you didn't know. Not even thinking twice do you grab his hand and start tugging him along into the depths of the crowd.

The parade was as magnificent as the pictures online portrayed, maybe even better. There were floats of various themes that you had a lot of fun discerning while you jumped around in the crowd. You had decided your favorite out of all of them was the oceanic one.

There were all sorts of tropical flora that formed the shape of a conch shell in the center, and it sat on a bed of beautiful blues and whites that formed into waves around it. You’ve never had the opportunity to go to the coast but seeing the float made you long for the sea in ways you’ve never had before. You hoped one day you’d get to go.

The second the last float drifted by, you wasted no time dragging your little group straight to the duck racing registrar. According to Levi, Jinae hosted this race as a fundraising event for the local orphanage in town. The premise is that people would pay for as many rubber ducks as they want for a certain amount of money and each duck had a number written on the bottom.

Once everyone who wanted to enter did so, city officials then released all of the purchased ducks down the river to be collected at a certain point. Levi didn’t know of the specifics, but he said that eventually someone would fish them out at the designated finish line and people corresponding to the first 10 ducks that crossed would win a prize. It was the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of so naturally you brought money to participate.

Even if you didn’t win, you were happy to know it was going to something so worthy. To be perfectly honest though, the biggest reason you were so excited about it is because of the way Levi had talked about the race during your last hang out.

Hange decided to start hosting weekly movie nights at your shared apartment and of course everyone was invited. As usual, your sister chose something "ironically hilarious", not without a mischievous cackle. Much to Hange’s disappointment but not surprise, you and Levi chose to spend that time playing cards and talking about the Sakura Festival at the dining table instead.

With it coming up so soon, you had wanted to pick Levi's brain on what you should check out first. Levi said that it had been years since he last went, so he wasn't the best person to ask. But when you asked about the duck races, his usual stone-cold exterior softened. Levi didn't elaborate, but you could tell by the way his voice lightened that he was quite fond of the fundraiser. So, if Levi liked it, then so did you.

To your delight, Erwin and Hange pay for one duck each. You purchase three like you had planned. And Levi purchases five. As he reaches into his wallet to pay, you can't help but watch in adoration at how carefree he seemed, like he was genuinely enjoying his time. His jaw and shoulders are slack and a small smile twitches at the corners of his scarred lips as he speaks to the booking clerk. Something pokes you in the side; it's your sister. Hange snickers at you with a gleam in their eyes. You stick your tongue out at them and they just poke you again, eliciting a small gasp from you.

"Everything okay?" You jump at Levi's sudden voice to the right of you. An eyebrow raises in concern, his eyes almost tinted blue from the clear sky above. You nod and roll your eyes in the direction of your sister, as if to say, 'Hange just being Hange.' He hums and looks down at his phone, lips pursing at whatever he was looking at.

"Furlan just texted me to let me know he’ll be here soon. " Levi slides his phone into his back pocket as he speaks.

"Furlan's coming?" Hange asks as they snake an arm around your shoulders.

"Yeah, he kind of invited himself." Levi mutters.

"Hey, the more the merrier." Erwin chuckles behind Hange. You smile in agreement, but the subtle disappointment in Levi's tone doesn’t escape your ears.

"There's no use in sitting around waiting. The races start in about an hour so why don't we use this time to wander?" Your sister raises a hand in the air as they start off in a random direction, their other arm linked with Erwin and currently pulling him along. Shaking your head in amusement, you and Levi follow close behind.

The Sakura Festival reminded you of the renaissance fair in the way that there were various booths and vendors that surrounded you, all selling anything and everything you’d expect. The only difference being the multitude of carnival rides and attractions that peppered around the grounds. That, and the very obvious size of the event itself. It wasn’t very crowded for now, but you suspect that will change later in the day. Hange calls out to you and Levi from ahead, arms waving above their head to get your attention.

"Guys! Look at this!" She's jumping up and down while pointing at a small but tall boxy contraption with a black curtain pulled to the side. Upon closer inspection, you notice there's a little space inside with a small bench and a computer screen sitting opposite it. It's a photo booth. You eye your sister quizzically.

"Well? Wanna try?" You shrug which Hange takes as an okay, a wild smile lighting up their face.

"Yes! Alright!! Levi, in you go!"

"Wha- like hell!"

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Hange grabs Levi's arm and pushes him inside the booth so forcefully that he slams onto the bench with a hiss. "Erwin, you'll have to pop your head in from the side, you're just too tall." And then her fingers are grasping your arm as she pulls both of you in before you can do anything to stop her. The booth is even smaller on the inside and with the way you both toppled in, you find yourself plopping on her lap like a child. Cozy is not the first word that comes to mind.

"Ah, I can't reach the screen. Here, Levi, hold this." You suddenly feel your body being pushed to the side by Hange and a gasp escapes your lips as you find yourself in a new seat - Levi's lap. Levi grunts as you land. In a panic, you attempt to stand up but then his hands are on your hips and you’re being pulled down to his thigh closest to the wall, so that you are facing the camera at an angle. You can't bring yourself to look at him, and any knowledge on how to breathe vanishes. The sound of angry waves fills your ears as heat rushes to your cheeks. Oh my god. Is this really happening?

"'Everything okay?" Erwin's voice comes muffled. He pops his head through the curtain, and his bright blue eyes land on your wide ones. If he was thinking anything, he gave nothing away.

"Yup almost... got it!" Hange yells in triumph as they press down on something. "Get ready!"

There's a beeping coming from the corner of the booth that must be the countdown, but you can hardly focus on it. All you can think about is the way you fit on Levi's lap. Beep. How flush your body was against his chest that you could feel his racing heart, no doubt beating at the same speed as yours, against your back. Beep. His shallow breaths tickling the back of your neck as you clenched your hands into tight fists that rest on your thighs. Beep. Levi shifts under you, his leg jostling you for a moment. Beep. Your brain is foggy, clouded by Levi. Levi, Levi, all Levi.

Your name is being called - distant sounding at first then loud and right next to you. You startle at the sudden noise and whip your head to the source. Erwin and Hange are staring at you from outside of the booth, sunlight filtering through the spaces around their bodies as they stand in the little doorway. They both have matching amused smirks lighting up their faces. Levi clears his throat from behind. As if zapped, you shoot up quickly from Levi's lap and scramble out the hole, palms sweaty in your tight fists. The cool, spring breeze softly hitting your flushed and hot face is very welcoming.

"You okay?" Erwin steps up next to you, his voice laced with concern.

'Yeah, just really hot and stuffy in there.' You sign back, taking a deep breath. It wasn't a lie. But the way Erwin eyed you makes you feel like he knows something you don't.

"Oh my gosh look at US!!" Hange squeals from behind you. When you turn to face them, they're smiling down at a couple strips of paper which you guess are the photocopies. They bound over to you and shoves one of the copies in your direction then gives the other to Erwin. "Here, one for each household."

The sun glares off the film and you have to bring it close to your face so you can see the panels better. There are four photos total, all in color and bright from the flashes. Hange and Erwin are making different faces in each one, there's even one of them laughing mid-snap. But then you glance over to the other corner where you and Levi sit, and you want to throw yourself in the river in embarrassment.

The first two photos are the same. You're looking straight into the camera like a deer in the headlights, luckily with a small smile tugging at your lips but shock is very evident on your face. Levi is staring off to the side with a vacant expression, heavy lidded and slack. Both of you are red in the face though. The third one is blurry with movement. In the last one, you and Levi are looking at each other, his steely gray eyes flashing silver in the blinding light. A moment of you two staring at each other, something you don't remember doing, frozen in time. You flick your eyes up and over the little strip of paper in between your fingers to look at Levi. He's facing away with his hands in his pockets, his cheeks the same shade of red in the photo. Even if they were embarrassing, you find yourself pressing the photos close to your chest anyways.

"Alright, where to next!? We have plenty of time to kill." Hange exclaims.

So, the four of you did indeed kill time. It was mostly spent gawking at the vendors and making plans of what rides you all wanted to visit after the race. At one point Erwin and Hange got separated from you and Levi, leaving the two of you to seek refuge from the crowd under the shade of trees. Not a lot of conversation happened, you suspect because of the awkward moment at the photo booth. The revisiting thought makes you blush. You were on your toes trying to scan the ever-moving crowd for any signs of your sister when you heard an unsettling voice coming from the direction of where Levi stood currently.

"Hi little fella, got some tasty candy for you. Wanna try it?" Leaning down behind Levi with a comically large lollipop is a man decked out in the most garish of clown costumes. "It's reeaal good." Levi doesn't move.

The expression on his face would have been priceless had the clown been less horrifying. You give the clown a polite smile before gingerly grabbing Levi's hand, taking extra care of the missing digits, and dragging him away to a random direction within the crowd. He doesn't resist. He actually tightens his grip and pulls ahead so that he's the one leading.

Taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, your heart does cartwheels. You're about to ask where he’s taking you until you see that he's pulling you in the direction of Hange and Erwin who are currently heading your way. His hand releases yours before reaching them, far too quickly for your liking.

"There you two are! We were looking everywhere. Were you both making out behind a tree?" Hange jokes. Hange has an ice cream cone in their hand and Erwin’s wrapped wrist has a heart shaped balloon tied to it.

‘Where the hell have you two been?’ Actively ignoring the crass joke thrown at you. You sign this at the same time as you hear a familiar playful voice chirp up from behind the pair in front of you.

“What’s this about making out?” Hange steps aside to reveal Furlan who had his hand in a bag of kettle popcorn. He pulls his hand out to wave at you with a big grin and you reciprocate with your own. “Did Levi finally find himself a suitor?”

“Shut up.” Levi flips Furlan off with a grumble.

“Sorry I’m so late. I slept in and then finding a parking spot was a nightmare! Where are we headed??” Furlan looks around your little group expectantly.

“We should probably start heading back to the race area because I think it’s about to start.” Erwin checks the gold watch strapped to his good wrist. It glints off the afternoon sun and you have to glance away so that it doesn’t blind you.

“Aw man, did I already miss the registration?” Furlan hangs his head low in disappointment.

“Well if you actually used the alarm function on your phone, you would have made it on time.” Levi retorts back dryly.

Reaching into the little purse dangling off your hip, you pull out your three ticket stubs with a random number on each of them and step up closer to Furlan. When you wave your hand to get his attention, he glances at you and then at your pinched fingers.

“Oh. No! Please, it’s okay. I can always try for next year.” He insists, holding his hands up in front of his chest defensively. You give him a soft smile as you pick one out and push it towards him anyways. “Are you sure?”

Rolling your eyes, you reach over to push the ticket into his open palm and using your other hand, you clamp his fingers around it so that it sits in his hand safely. “Well… okay. If you’re adamant. Thanks!” Furlan chuckles and tightens his hand around the ticket. He gives you a wink before shoving it into his jean pocket.

“That was very sweet of you.” Erwin whispers down to you as you all make your way to the finish line.

‘I didn’t want him to be left out.’ You sign back with a frown, and Erwin nods in understanding, a warm smile crinkling his eyes.

By the time you all make it to the starting line of the race, the ducks have already been released via crane. Hundreds of little ducks were floating down the river and it was quite a sight. You clap in excitement and run towards the edge of the river to get a closer look. They were all bunched together, and you worried how they would fish out the little ducks accurately.

“I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to pluck out the first 10 so easily. It’s like magic.” Furlan says in reassurance. He must have noticed the concern on your face. He laughs and leans against the little stone wall that surrounds the river on both sides. “I’m sure it’s just because they’ve had so many years to perfect it though.”

The rest of your crew lines up against the wall, watching the ducks go down the river. You have to squint because of how the sun reflects off the water, but otherwise it’s a quiet and nice moment to have with everyone. The breeze from the river blows past and you inhale the subtle but sweet smell of the cherry blossoms. Levi stands next to you stoically, his arms crossed the way he does as he stares off. His weight shifted to his left leg. He’s done well to hide it from everyone else, but you could tell easily that he was limping from all the pressure he was putting on his knee.

‘You okay?’ You sign to him, giving him a soft smile.

“I’m fine.” He shrugs his shoulders. Something was bothering him, and it didn’t feel like it was just his knee pain. His eyes glance up to yours, and his hard features loosen. “Really, I’m okay.” You’re not convinced, but you nod in acknowledgement anyways.

“They got winners!” Furlan yells out beside you, pointing down the river. There’s a crew holding up a green flag to signal the end of the race.

“Ooh let’s go see who won, yeah?” Hange’s eyes gleam with excitement and starts making their way to the finish line with the rest of the group in tow. You keep your steps slow so you can keep up with Levi while everyone else trails ahead quite a bit. He gives you a side-eye as you pretend not to notice, fingers fidgeting with the necklace around your neck.

“Tch, I know what you’re doing.” He mumbles. He hesitates, then whispers a soft thank you.

Near the finish line was a sort of stage, something you suspect might be used for the live music later in the day. There was a man at the podium lining up the ducks as a crowd started gathering at the base of it, all ready and excited to see who the raffle winners were. You all decided to stick to the back because of how big the crowd was getting.

After a moment, the announcer made a statement of where the winners needed to go to gather their prizes and then started listing off the numbers one by one. Unfortunately, no one in your group had a winning duck yet, though Levi never looked disappointed. In fact, he actually looked quite pleased that he hadn’t won anything.

“Aaand first place goes to… number 23!!”

“NO freaking way, that’s me!” Furlan shouts. He leans down and gives your cheek a chaste kiss before running off to the designated spot to collect his prize. You stand stock-still, pulling your hand up to where his lips just were, not really sure how to react to it. Something grumbles behind you. When you turn, you see a listless Levi, eyes off to the side but furrowed. Your heart pangs with guilt, for why exactly though you're not sure. You bite the inside of your cheek in thought. Furlan calls your name.

“You’ll never believe what’s in here!” He runs up to your group, out of breath and waving an envelope in the air. He takes a moment to bend and lean against his knees so he can gather himself.

“Well spit it out, what did you win!?” Hange asks eagerly.

“They’re airfare ticket vouchers! $500 each.” Furlan stands up straight with a huge smile.

“Each? How many did you get?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, curious now.

“Two. Which means,” He grabs one of the slips of paper and holds it out to you. “You get half.” You feel your eyes bug at his statement. Raising your hands defensively, you shake your head no. You eye Hange as you start signing, and they understand right away.

‘I can’t do that, you won them.’

“Yeah, but with the ticket you bought. You deserve some of the prize too.” He grabs your hand and clenches your fingers over the piece of paper, like you had done with him earlier. “Take it, please. At least share this victory with me.”

You eye him skeptically, unsure of what to say. The way he looks at you, with his wide eyes and cocky smile. You can’t say no. And, well, you did buy that ticket. After a beat, you nod and pull the paper to your chest and shoot him a big smile.

“Yes, thank you! Isn’t this awesome? I have no idea what I’m going to use it on, but I guess we’ll see in the future.” He pulls his shirt up so he can tuck the envelope in the waistband of his jeans.

Before you all know it, the sun is high in the sky and the rest of the festivities are in full swing. The sounds of screaming and laughter fill the air as the rest of the town arrives in droves. Erwin had suggested that you all rest and recoup to take a break from the crowd. So that’s why you and the others were sitting on plush grass under the shade of cherry blossom trees, eating lunch from the miscellaneous vendors around. None of you had thought to bring a blanket to sit on unfortunately, but that didn’t bother you. Levi, on the other hand.

“Tch, are we really okay with getting grass stains on our clothes?” Levi grumbles as he places his garbage on the pile of already accumulating trash sitting in the center of your small circle.

“You could always stand.” Erwin’s currently leaning against the tree, propped up on one shoulder as he sips his drink. His eyes light up at the sour expression he’s shot with.

“Or you could just live a little. It’s just some grass and dirt, Levi.” Hange tuts as they ball up their own wrapper and throws it in the pile as well, a smile playing on their lips in a mocking manner.

“I’m sure your 5-step laundry system will get out any stains.” Furlan adds in with a chuckle. He pulls at his little dish of fries as he side-eyes you as you laugh along.

“That’s not the point, you idiots.” Levi mutters as he leans back against the tree next to Erwin and closes his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest as he does. Despite his terse words, he looks very relaxed. You don’t blame him. It was such a lovely spring day. A warm burst of air breezes through as if responding to your mental compliment. Smiling widely, you throw yourself backwards into the grass and stretch your limbs out.

The sun filters through the trees onto your face and you close your eyes as well, relishing the warmth. Unbeknownst to you, Levi is cracking his good eye open to peek at the serene expression complimenting your pretty features.

It's like this for a while. At some point, Erwin had disappeared to find a ‘gentleman’s room’ as he called it. Hange and Furlan were in the middle of a conversation about some movie that came out last week. You're resting with your arms splayed above you, your vision turning pink from the sun hitting your eyelids. The warm rays caress your exposed skin like a comforting hug. The soft running of the river pairs well with the rustling of the blossoms above you from the breeze. You sigh in content.

All of a sudden, your face feels cool from something blocking the sunlight above you. You swat at it thinking it’s your sister but then something nips at your fingers. Hange was weird, but not that weird. You have to squint after initially opening your eyes due to the bright surroundings but when your vision finally focuses, you freeze. Standing above you is a massive white goose, its head bent back slightly as it stares down at you.

You scramble to stand up and the goose’s head rises with you, never breaking eye contact. You take a couple tentative steps back. The wings had unfurled in a guarded, hostile stance - it seems you had made it mad. Every step back was not enough to distance yourself from it as it kept pace with you.

You hear Levi and Furlan calling your name, but you don’t look over. You always laughed at the idea of geese, but now the source of terror stands right in front of you. The goose had its beak slightly open and you’re quick to spot rows of sharp teeth.

“Hey, look at me.” Levi says softly. When you glance over with a side eye, he’s watching you carefully. You swallow hard. “Keep backing away slowly. It should leave you alone once it sees you’re not a threat.”

As if Levi had cursed you with his words, you step back on a twig with a ‘crack’ and there’s a moment of silence as you stare horrified before all hell breaks loose. And then you’re running for your life down the grassy field. You hear something chasing after you and you pump your legs harder. The wind blows past your ears, and it takes everything in you to hurdle over the obstacles in front of you - those obstacles being people.

You don’t know how long you’ve been running but you're winded faster than you would like. Not to mention that by the looks of it, you were about to run out of open field. You were going to have to face your opponent sooner than later. Taking a deep breath and steeling your resolve, you twist your body around and blindly kick towards the goose. Except, you don’t make contact with a goose.

“Gah!” Levi doubles over in front of you, groaning from the ground as he clutches his stomach. When you look behind him, Hange and Furlan are chasing the goose away loudly screaming and clapping. You drop to your knees and place your hands on his shoulders to shake him gently to get his attention. When he raises his head to look at you, you're met with glazed, dark eyes.

"Are you… okay?" He mutters hoarsely through gritted teeth.

'Me?! But you?!' You sign back, emphasizing your words with a bemused expression.

"I just... need... a minute." Levi falls backwards so that he's on his butt. A hiss of air escapes his lips as he lands, his face scrunched up as the waves of pain subside. "I don't know what your intent was with that kick, but I have a feeling you would have sent that goose straight to hell." He coughs a little and stares up at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I panicked.’ He waves his hand dismissively.

You decide to sit with him as he catches his breath. You can’t keep the embarrassed flush from heating up your face. You pick at the grass anxiously as you keep replaying what just happened in your head. This is not something you would forget, unfortunately. Especially having hurt Levi.

“What did the grass ever do to you?” You hear Levi joke next to you, his voice back to a normal octave and significantly less breathy.

‘Sure you’re okay?’ You glance over to him sheepishly, fiddling with a blade of grass in between your fingers. He meets your gaze.

“I’m fine, seriously. But you should consider going pro with those legs of yours.” After a beat, he realizes what he said and clears his throat, looking away. “You know, like soccer or something.” The tips of his ears are already turning red.

“Are you two okay?!” You hear Hange screaming from the other side of the park, arms waving to get your attention. You shoot her two thumbs up.

“We should probably get back.” Levi grunts as he pushes himself up. There’s a considerable amount of weight he’s putting into his left leg, like earlier. But you figure if you ask him if he’s okay again, he might scold you. So, you opt to stay quiet as you watch him with caution.

“Are you coming?” His hand is outstretched towards you to take, which you do so without hesitating. His skin is rather warm against yours, callous yet soft. He pulls you up without effort, and he ends up having to grip your arm to steady you so you don’t fall face first from the force. He considers you with a slight smile and then starts off to the rest of your friends, with you following closely behind.

The sun is just verging towards the end of the horizon the next time you’re conscious of the time. Oranges and pinks start to fill the sky. Somehow the day just slipped right by while you were all playing carnival games and jumping on the very questionable rides around the grounds. And it was all so fun. Your face ached from the contagious smiles and laughs that surrounded you.

There was even a time where you had talked Levi into trying the absurd ice cream flavors from a stall suspiciously located all by itself off the beaten path. The glare full of daggers was resounding but he caved. It actually wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be, but he disagreed strongly.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad don’t you.” Hange mumbles to the right of you, breaking you out of your thoughts. You were waiting by the sinks in the public restroom for your sister to finish up their business. You peer at them with confusion at their random question. They flick their eyes down to your fidgeting fingers that currently twisted the cherry blossom necklace dangling around your neck.

“For Levi.” Both were confident statements. You blow a raspberry at them and roll your eyes. Letting go of the charm, you lift your hands to say something, but you’re at a loss for words. In all honesty, you’ve never really sat down to think about your feelings for Levi past the ‘I like being around him’ thoughts. The comfort he emanated was enough for you, so you never gave it a second thought. But if the little moments throughout the day with him accomplished anything, it was the establishment of your feelings in a new light. Whatever those feelings may be.

‘Just a friend.’ Is all you sign back.

“Are you sure about that?” They tut and grip your biceps in both hands as they face you head on, their eyes bouncing back and forth between yours. A small smile plays on their lips, but when you say nothing back, she nods and walks out the bathroom door with you in tow.

The men are waiting outside the building, seemingly in an in-depth conversation. You catch Levi’s eye on your way over, your heart skipping a beat at the way the late golden sun rays hit his pale skin. His eyes flick back over to Furlan and Erwin’s conversation.

“There’s just a little more time before the fireworks go off. What now?” Hange calls out a few steps away, grabbing the men’s attention.

“It’s almost sunset! It’s the best time to check out the ferris wheel.” Furlan chips in.

‘Oh yeah, I’d love to check that out!’

“Sure thing. There’s something I wanted to see over there anyways.” Erwin smiles and turns, leading the charge. You end up falling back so that you’re at the tail end of the line. When you glance back, you see Levi trailing behind with his eyes fixated on you. Your step fumbles momentarily and you whip your head back around so you can watch where you were going. A soft huff-like laugh from behind makes you bite your lip in embarrassment.

The line luckily only had a handful of people in it. But with the wheel currently going, there was a little bit of a wait in front of you. You were behind a group of four kids who were currently goofing off and laughing with each other.

“C’mon Jean, you gotta get over it sooner than later.” A closely shaven haired kid blurts out with a hard laugh.

“No! I’ve asked him multiple times to stop calling me horse face! Now the whole class is in on it. It pisses me off!” The kid named Jean yells out. He's currently staring down at his phone, light from the screen illuminating his very agitated face.

“Hey, let’s quiet down. We’re out in public, you know.” A kid with freckles chuckles nervously, his eyes sweeping around the small crowd around them. They land on a figure in front of them furiously stuffing something in their mouth. “Sasha, what are you eating now?”

A girl with red hair turns with powdered sugar all over her face and she’s mid chew, her eyes wide and expressive. “Deep fried Oreos.” Her voice is muffled by the food stuffed in her mouth.

“How did you even manage to grab those? We’ve been in line this whole time.” Freckles asks exasperated. The shaven haired kid reaches over to the doughy goodness only for the plate to be whisked away with an almost growl coming from the red-headed girl. They start lightly wrestling. You laugh quietly at their antics with fondness. They reminded you of you and your siblings around that age.

After what feels like forever, the ferris wheel cars start unloading and reloading. The kids in front got into their own car, a couple of them pushing each other with laughter as they filed in. Unfortunately, each car could only house four people at a time. Erwin opted out of the ride, but then Levi and Hange got into an argument about who would stay behind so that Erwin wouldn't be left alone. Ultimately Hange won. Oddly enough, Levi didn’t seem too bothered by it as much as he let on.

That left you, Furlan, and Levi in one car. When you step in, the car wobbles ever so slightly and you have to grab on to the side to steady yourself. Someone places a hand on your back for support and when you glance back to see who it is, you see Furlan smiling up at you from the platform. You give him a nod of appreciation and turn to sit on one of the benches. The metal is cold even through your clothes and it makes you shiver.

With the sun almost gone, the sky now a stunning mixture of blues and purples littered with pale stars, the air was getting cooler by the minute. Furlan settles himself in the spot next to you, shooting you a half-cocked grin. Levi gingerly sits himself down on the bench across from you and takes a moment to use both hands to massage the kneecap of his bad leg with a grimace.

'Okay?' Levi shifts his gaze up to you at the hand movement.

"Fine." You smile at him softly, but he's already looking off to the side at the man closing the car door.

A moment later, you feel the car shift and then you're ascending slowly, cool air blowing from behind. You shift in your seat so that you can lean over to the side better, but the car is so small that your leg bumps into Levi. An apology is already on your fingertips, but Levi stops you with a look.

"No need. You're okay."

'Leg? Okay?' You frown.

"Fine." That word again. “Just a lot of wal-"

"Now look at this view!" Furlan cuts Levi off with a yell. His sudden loudness makes you flinch. He's got his body half-hanging out of the car as he stares out to the ground. You just now notice the wheel had stopped moving and the car was sitting almost at the top. When you look over on your side, you stare in awe at the lit-up festival grounds beneath you. The warm yellow glow is broken up by various multicolor neon signs and string lights. People mill around and the sound of muffled chatter makes its way up to your ears.

By this time, the sunlight was completely gone and replaced by a bright full moon with twinkling lights dancing around it. They remind you of Levi. His leg was still pressed up against yours. Glancing over, you see his head tilted up to gaze at the stars as well, his hair swept back out of his face. As if he could feel you watching him, his own heavy-lidded eyes peer at you over his cheeks. From this position, the way the moonlight illuminated his body… he was breathtaking. Divine, even.

"Where's Hange and Erwin?" You all stepped off the platform to wait for the two in question on the ground, but crowds of people filed out and the wheel was going again. Neither your sister nor tall, blonde friend had made an appearance.

"I bet they ran off to do something stupid." Levi mutters next to you.

"I know I haven’t known the two of them as long as you both have, but I get the feeling that they have an annoying habit of doing that." Furlan chuckles. He stretches his arms above his head with a yawn.

"It’s almost your bedtime, old timer." Levi jabs. Furlan punches him in the arm with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, grandpa. Anyways, where to now?" His bright eyes glance over at you.

‘I need something to drink.’ You sign lazily, increasingly aware of your parched throat with every step. Levi nods to you in understanding and starts making a path towards the vendors closer to the heart of the festival without a word. You’ve noticed in the past month or so that Levi had surprised you with his quick ability to pick up signs, even specific ones.

Hange had made a comment about it a week ago but the way he brushed it off made you too nervous to talk to him about it, so you didn’t. You only wished you could have told him how much it warmed your heart to see him learning, whether it was on purpose or not.

You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t realized you lost sight of Levi and Furlan. The sounds of the crowd suddenly become louder as you’re pulled back to reality. You bite your bottom lip anxiously as you scan around, people’s faces and bright lights becoming a blur. Suddenly you feel a hand pulling at you and you’re being tugged out of the crowd by a strong grip. You were about to sigh in relief, but the hand felt unfamiliar to you. You attempt to pull back, but their fingers are wrapped tightly around your forearm, and you don’t have enough leverage to break free.

“There you are.” You don’t recognize the voice. The face you see when you look up is not one you’ve seen before but one that will haunt you forever. Dark shadowed eyes and a gaunt face, yellowed teeth bared at you with a nasty smile. You pull your arm even harder, eyes wide in panic, but the grip gets tighter. Instantly, you’re small again cowering on the floor of an old foster home. You open your mouth, like you’re going to scream, but nothing comes out.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out here alone?” He purrs at you as he pulls you closer. His breath smells of strong liquor and is hot against your face. You go to kick him in the shins but it’s like the impact doesn’t even phase him. You lacked the velocity to do any damage, and he just chuckles darkly at your bleak endeavor. “Got a fighter, I see.” He begins to pull you closer to him and you have to use every muscle in your body to push away from him, your free hand trying to pry his fingers off your skin at the same time.

“Get your grotesque hands off her.” An icy voice calls out from behind you. Tears prick at the corner of your eyes because it’s a voice that you do recognize. The man smirks and is about to say something back but when his gaze flicks to the side of you, you see his face go a sickly shade of gray. The grip on your arm lessens greatly so you take this opportunity to shake him off and step back, rubbing the sore spot where his fingers once were.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize she was yours.” He stumbles back. You glance behind to see the scariest expression you’ve ever seen grace Levi’s face. The snarl pulls at his lips with a sharpness in his eyes. What you don’t notice right away are the cups that were once filled with some sort of liquid were now crushed in his trembling hands, purely from anger. The drinks pool at his feet but he doesn’t blink an eye, his focus strictly on the assailant in front of you.

“Yeah, she’s mine. Leave now before I make you regret ever waking up today.” Levi spits venom into every syllable. His aura radiates so much danger that you could feel it from where you stood. At that, the man runs off. Levi steps over to you, throwing the cups into a nearby trash can as he does. His gaze is noticeably softer when he centers in on you and the shaken state you’re in.

“Are you okay?” Levi speaks in a low, gentle voice. Taking a shaky breath, you sign a no with a trembling hand. He tenderly takes your forearm and inspects your skin under the streetlight that lingered above you. His hands are sticky from whatever beverages he had managed to procure for you. In the yellow light, you see a red hand-shaped imprint. Your arm will definitely bruise tomorrow, much to your dismay.

“Sick bastard, putting his hands on you like that.” He grumbles, his gaze stuck on your arm as he speaks. You’re reminded of that incident at the gala that felt like a lifetime ago. Taking your free hand, you pull your phone out from your back pocket and start up a new memo.

‘Thank you. For saving the damsel in distress. I needed it.’ He glances up at you incredulously. It takes a moment to sink in, but when he realizes what you mean, his lips quirk up into a half smile. A huff escapes his lips in what you think might be a laugh.

“Thanks for the gratitude. Brat.” He drops your arm carefully.

‘Where’s Furlan?’ You stand on your toes to look over the crowd, but you don’t see your taller friend anywhere. The way Levi’s face falls at your question goes unnoticed.

“Why? I’m sure he’s off doing his own thing.” Levi scoffs. You frown at his sudden attitude, stealing a glance at his uninterested face.

‘He’s your friend, aren’t you worried?’ He rolls his eyes, which were currently lit up from your phone screen.

“He’s fine. I’ll send him a message to let him know where we are.” And like that, the topic of Furlan is closed. You sigh as you take a moment to text your sister where you two were located. You look around for a noticeable landmark to direct them, and you spot the live stage to your left. No one was playing at the moment, probably on their break or waiting for the fireworks, you think. Instead, there is contemporary music playing from the stage speakers and a couple of people dancing.

‘Aren’t those employees of your café?’ You slide him your phone and then point to the dance floor when he looks up. A girl with medium-length hair the same shade as Levi is in the arms of her boyfriend and they’re currently swaying to the beat. You haven’t had much of a chance to really speak to Eren and Mikasa because normally when you came to visit the café, it was close to closing and they were already off due to being in school. They look so happy.

“Looks like they’re having fun.” Levi responds in a blasé tone. You stand there imagining that it was you and Levi instead out on the floor, him holding you just as tightly. You blink hard to get that visual out of your head. What a silly sentiment. A cold breeze blows through your hair, and it makes you shiver. You wrap your arms around yourself to hold in some warmth.

“Cold?” You nod sheepishly. You remembered halfway into the day that you had left your coat on the armrest of the couch in your excitement. Levi hums and you watch as he pulls off his leather jacket and then his hoodie. Your eyes flick to his exposed abdomen as he pulls off each layer, polished and toned. You look away quickly as you chide yourself for even staring.

“Here.” he says after a few beats. When you look back over, he has his leather jacket back on but is handing you his dark hoodie. Your eyes widen at the gesture, and out of instinct you shake your head no with a ‘thank you’ at the end of it. He pushes it over to you anyways, an earnest look on his face.

“You look miserable. Just take it.” You frown at him again.

‘You’re one to talk, grumpy.’ You sign at him but take the hoodie anyways.

When you have it pulled down all the way, you can’t help the heat from searing across your cheeks as you feel the thick cloth hugging at every inch of your torso and arms. It seems your noticeable height difference had a huge disadvantage when it came to sharing clothes, not like it was ever anything you had thought about before. You look over to Levi whose gaze is intently fixated on you. His eyes flick up to yours and he looks away quickly, clearing his throat. Sharp, gray eyes side-eye you as he speaks.

“I-um. Are you warm?” You slide your cold fingers into the front pocket and smile at him, though the embarrassment was still eating away at you. You tuck your chin in the collar to get more warmth - it smelled just like Levi. Clean laundry, musky body wash, and surprisingly, a hint of lavender. It was calming in more ways than one. And it was so soft.

“I’m sure they’ll find us soon. The fireworks are about to start. Let’s go find a spot.” He mutters as he turns around on his heel and walks down towards the river without another word. You inhale another whiff as you follow him, smiling to yourself under the collar.

Levi and you had found a spot under the trees, out of the crowd just like he wanted. People shuffle around as they find their own designated spot, all laughing and talking. The festival lights dance off the river’s reflection as it flows steadily and not a single cloud obstructs the sky. It was so peaceful, stunning even.

But it was nowhere near as stunning as you were, leaning back to rest on your arms so you could stare up into the sky. It felt like every part of you overwhelmed his brain. The way his hoodie clung to your body, the way you looked at him, your stupidly sweet smile. The way his heart races any time he sees you let alone thinks about you. How could he not? Your eyes shift over to him, and he’s suddenly aware of his staring.

‘What?’ You sign to him. You’ve sat back up to stare at him, a perplexed expression across your face.

“Nothing. You just look relaxed.”

‘Yes. I am happy.’ Another soft smile that lit up your eyes. Levi didn’t miss how you made a conscious decision to simplify your signs just for him so he would understand. Through every interaction in the last couple months, you had left him with more knowledge on how to communicate better, but you assumed it was only the small stuff. Little did you know, he was currently taking late night lessons because he couldn’t stand not being able to look into your eyes when you messaged him.

‘You?’ A frown replaces your smile.

“Me what?”

‘Happy?’ You stare straight into his eyes as you ask, searching. This prompts a signature Levi eye roll.

“I don’t know.” He glances back over to your face and the noticeable drop in your demeanor has him scrambling to recant his statement. “I think I am. It’s nice here, I guess.” With you. He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as he watches your face turn back into a big smile. With that you nod, satisfied with his answer, and lay back down against your forearms like you were before.

Levi sighs under his breath and goes to do the same. But then he feels his hand grazing against yours, fingers lightly resting on top of each other, and an electrified shock passes from his arm all the way through his body. You don’t pull your hand away though, and neither does he.

In fact, you’re still staring at him with a look he couldn’t discern. You cautiously wrap your pinky around his own and offer him a reassuring smile. He doesn’t think twice about tightening his grip. The sounds of laughter and idle chatter dimmed away to the sound of his reverberating heartbeat that threatened to blow out his ears. What would it be like to kiss you right now, he asks himself. Your eyes flick down to his half-parted lips as he says your name in an almost-like whisper. Your eyes are a brilliant shade under the moonlight. When did you get so close?

“There you two are!!” You both jump away as you hear Hange’s earth-shattering shriek from behind, any contact now left cold from whatever that moment was with you. Levi hisses out of frustration. You’re already getting up to stand to meet the newcomers, so he does the same. Shitty-glasses and their shitty timing.

“I didn’t realize y’all had already found a place to sit! We were waiting by the dance floor this whole time.” Hange tuts as they playfully punch your arm. Erwin stood a couple feet away, currently on the phone with someone. The expression on his face gave the implication that it was not a pleasant conversation.

‘Sorry, a lot happened, and I got distracted easily. You found us though!’ A fake smile pulls at your lips. There’s a glance in your direction but it’s gone as quick as it happened. He didn’t imagine that, did he? Were you ignoring what happened intentionally or pretending it never happened? Levi kicks himself mentally and disguises his face in indifference as he speaks.

“Yeah, where the hell did you both even go? And have you seen Furlan?”

“I haven’t seen him, no. And we were wandering! Erwin suggested it. Also,” Hange reaches into their pocket and pulls out their phone. They flip to their contacts and then shoves the phone in your face. Levi blinks at the sudden change in brightness. “I got someone’s number!”

“So, you ditched us to chase after someone?” Levi crosses his arms over his chest.

“Nooo, I ditched you guys to wander, I just said that! This was just a bonus.” Hange purses their lips. “I gotta tell you about them! They’re just so…” Levi zones their voice out and watches as a laugh escapes your lips as you reach for your sister, an adoring smile lighting up your features as you ask questions about who it was that they found. Levi’s phone vibrates and when he slides it out, Furlan’s name is bold on the screen. Sighing, he presses the green button and pulls it to his ear.

“What?”

“H-hey sorry! I didn’t mean to ditch, I got lost and then sidetracked.” Levi stares over to you as you sign animatedly, laughter at your sister shaking your body as you converse. “Anyways, I was calling to let you know I haven’t been murdered or anything.”

“Tch, wouldn’t be the worst thing if that happened.”

“You jest but where would you be without your best friend? Probably in prison.”

“Whatever you say. Where are you then, if not dead?”

“Oh, I grabbed another bag of kettle corn and went home. I have an early shift anyway so…” There’s a moment of pause before Furlan’s soft voice mutters through the speaker, “Do you like her?”

“Who?” Levi grumbles, pinching his lips together.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw the way you looked at her all day.” You’re glancing over to him now, your eyes shining in a way that makes his heart melt. Hange says something else, and you break eye contact as you double over in a fit of giggles.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen.”

“So, it’s okay that I ask her out on a date then?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. Levi, you’re allowed happiness you know. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.”

“Sure, but I doubt she feels the same.”

“You never know unless you ask. Anyways, I’m calling it. Talk to you soon, old man.” The line clicks and then he’s gone.

A resounding boom explodes from behind Levi, the sign that the fireworks show had just begun. The look on your face when you twist around mid-conversation to stare at the remarkable display left Levi in awe. The colors that danced off your face as you smiled up to the sky, your body practically jumping up and down from your enthusiasm. You were breathtaking to him in every way, and he decided right then and there that he just wanted you. Just you, and no one else.

The night ended in quick goodbyes as everyone had work the next morning, besides you of course. After dropping the boys off, you made quick work of the drive back home. Your mind kept wandering back to the spot under the tree, where you’re certain you had almost kissed him. Wait, you almost kissed him. What is wrong with you, you chide yourself. You were just caught in the euphoria of the day, that’s all.

You repeat that to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your shared apartment. Hange’s voice is dull against your raging thoughts, but you’re pretty sure they were still rambling about the person they met tonight. You go to unlock the door but are stopped mid-turn by Hange grabbing your hand to get your attention. Glancing over, you see a concerned look etched into their face.

“Are you okay?”

‘Fine.’ You unlock the door and push it open. ‘Tired.’ You yawn to emphasize, which really wasn’t a lie. Though your mind was far from tired, the events of today really wore you out.

“Me too. I could use a 30 hour nap. But I suppose 7 hours will do, for now.” They laugh as you both walk in the door, making sure to lock it behind you. You throw your bag onto the little side table before reaching down slowly to pull your shoes off. Something in your back pops. You were going to be so sore tomorrow, you groan to yourself.

“Hey, is that Levi’s jacket?” You glance down at the tight fabric around your torso. Shit.

‘Yeah, he let me borrow it. I completely forgot to hand it back to him.’

“I’m just surprised he forgot. He’s usually so meticulous about his things.” Hange says as she hangs her things up and pads to the kitchen to get something to drink. “It’s fine, we’ll probably see them again soon so you can give it back then.” Part of you didn’t want to, though.

You snap to get your sister’s attention before signing, ‘I’m going to shower then bed. Let me know if you need anything.’

“I should probably do the same. But hey,” They eye you carefully. “Are you sure you’re okay?? I notice Levi spends a lot of time around you.” You can’t help but roll your eyes at that, a habit you most definitely picked up from the guy in question.

‘It’s not like that. Everything is fine.’ You offer a reassuring smile. Everything was fine, just confusing.

“Okay, if you say so. But you do know you can talk to me about everything. Especially feelings for men. Certain raven-haired men that never smile.” They crack a big grin as you throw a couch pillow at their face on your way to your room. “Love you!!” You hear before you shut your door. How are you going to talk about your feelings about a certain terse man when you don’t even know how you’re feeling.

After your shower, you couldn’t help but pull Levi’s hoodie back over your head and snuggle into it. It might be smaller than what you’re used to, but it was very plush and warm. Not to mention the comforting smell that emanated from it any time you moved.

You curl up in your bed and yawn, recounting everything that happened today while fighting the urge to kick your feet like an overjoyed child. Suddenly the photo booth comes to mind. The photos! You fling yourself out of your bed and quietly tiptoe to the front hallway to grab your bag, making sure to be quiet so you don’t wake Hange - who could be heard snoring loudly from their room.

Back in your room, you empty the contents on your desk and grab what you were looking for; the film strip of the four of you. You focus on the last one as you lie back down on your bed, a blush creeping up your face while you stare. You press the photos to your chest again. There’s no mistaking it, there was something going on between you and Levi. Did he feel that too? How long were you both going to dance around the subject, you wonder.

On the off chance you are completely wrong though, you decide it might be best to wait. Saying something now might ruin what you both have, and you were not willing to risk that friendship. With the smell of Levi pervading your senses, you’re lulled into a deep slumber. The thoughts of him swirl through your brain and turn into pleasant dreams.

bzzzzz

Levi: I hope my hoodie kept you warm, please take care of it. Sleep well.

☾ Previous Chapter: March ☾ Next Chapter: May

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mybrokenveins3000 · 9 months

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Everyday Rockstar - College!Ross Macdonald

A/N: Hi babies, me again. College!Ross was only supposed to be a oneshot but my delusional ass going-to-uni-in-two-weeks self wants more. Like I always say, delusion is manifestation. Anyways, enjoy!

word count: 1.1k

♫ The City - The 1975

The annoying one on your course invited you to one of his band's gigs. You weren't expecting much, I mean, this was Matty we're talking about. You could see it now, him parading across the stage with a beer bottle in hand and his shirt unbuttoned. However, what you weren't expecting was who he'd been sharing the stage with.

You and your coursemates are running a bit late. Despite it being two months since you moved out here to the city, you're all still figuring it out - the right bus routes to take, how much alcohol is too much, what shoes not to wear on any given occasion.

The wet, November pavement reflects the air back colder than it is. As you open the doors, you accept the warmth in the pub like an old friend. Your entrance is punctuated by loud drums and droning vocals, not to mention THE 1975 printed in blocked letters on what seems to be a pinned up old bedsheet. Yup, definitely Matty's band.

Your preconceptions were correct. There Matty was scantily-clad with a bottle in hand. But not of beer - wine. How pretentious. So French New Wave of you, you thought.

But next to him was someone familiar.

"Ross?" you whisper to yourself. You stand in shock, squinting hard as if to take a picture. You are mesmerised by the simultaneous nonchalant power and peace he brings on stage.

It caught you off guard how incongruous the History student was to the setting and yet how perfectly he fit in a dark, sultry place like this. He was wearing a black leather jacket, a far cry from that hoodie you stole from him just a month prior.

You and your mates walk into a gap in the crowd, not so dissimilar to a clearing in the woods. The song ends to which you all clap and holler as if your life depended on it. As you scream with adoration, he spots you.

His eyes widen like a child opening presents on Christmas. He smiles a smile so genuine it puts all of Matty's theatrics to shame. He's doing that thing where he looks down at the floor smiling, plays with the chain around his neck for a second. He's something out of a movie scene.

"Isn't that the guy you're hooking up with?" a disembodied head notices and exclaims behind you. You open your mouth but a response doesn't form. It's a yes or no question and yet neither response fits.

Ever since you met at that goddamn party, poured your heart out to each other, and ended up doing your laundry together, you both knew it would never be just hooking up. Heck, you haven't even done anything of that nature (yet), you've just been kissing, hanging out. Yes or no doesn't fit these weird romantically and sexually charged interactions you both have been having over the past month. So you turn to her and just shrug, mouth an "I don't know" much to both your confusion.

"This is a song called The City," Matty slurs down the mic. The percussion kicks in, heavy and confident.

There's a second before the other instruments follow suit where you wave at Ross and he waves back. It's this secret moment that's just yours. Blink and you'll miss it.

"You wanna find love, well, you know where the city is," your coursemate exclaims, like a drunken beat poet.

The bass rings right through you, your whole body reverberating under his hands, with every string he plucks. He catches glances at you as you bob your head and sway, eyes closed to really feel it. When your eyes aren't closed, you think he's made to be looked at like a Greek God on high platforms and by crowds bigger than these. It's like this for the entire show.

---

After the show, the pub is electric.

Matty's weak fist hits the side of your arm as he cries, "Ross is waiting for you outside!"

"Fuck you! You're actually not half bad, you know!" you hit him back with all the force he lacks and rush out through to the back smoking area.

The wet, cold air greets you as you walk through the door. "Ooh, it's cold out here," you shiver. Ross is right by the door, having just taken a cigarette out of the box. He's surprised by your arrival but smiles that same warm smile. "Matty said you asked for me?" you questioned.

The slightest eyebrow raise and air of confusion about him and you're prompted to go back the way you came. Trust Matty to embarrass you like that.

"No, no. Stay." Ross' hand grabs onto your wrist. His warm touch lingers a moment longer, it could melt your ice skin. It's a moment soundtracked by the muffled pop coming from inside and the hum of cars far away. You oblige to his request. He lets go of your wrist. You lean on the wall of the pub.

"Matty didn't mention you were a part of the band," you say, watching the buildings and stars twinkle in the distance, "as a matter of fact, YOU never told me you were a rockstar."

"I'm no rockstar," he laughs, raising the cigarette to his lips. Just as he lifts up his lighter, he decides to hand it to you. You step closer, looking at the lighter and then back at him. Since your first meeting, it always got so tense between the two of you. You light the cigarette, shielding the flame, hands grazing his lips ever so slightly. The smoke dances into the night as he blows out.

You break the silence. "Bass as well, best instrument out of them all... you were really good."

"Oh yeah?" he smirks.

"You were amazing... why didn't you mention it before?"

He touches his lips in contemplation, his gaze fixed on you taking in your smokey eyes and dark lips. You were made to foreground cityscapes, he wants to say. But all he manages is an "I don't know."

"God, if only I'd known I was brushing shoulders with a rockstar this whole time."

"Rockstar", he whispers. You catch him blushing almost as bright as the tip of the cigarette. You take note of his affinity to that particular word. An unconventional name to use on him later.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I love the city," you breathe out.

"The place or the song?"

"Both."

You wanna find love, well, you know where the city is. The lyrics, shared like a memory, waver in another moment of silence.

"Can I kiss you?" he finally says as he takes his cigarette from his mouth. His dark eyes are transfixed on your lips whilst he plays with his chain.

"Yes please."

And he kisses you. You fling your arms around his neck like you did that very first night. He wraps his jacket around you, as if to take all of you in.

He is the warmth when it's cold. He is the rare quiet to your fluorescent metropolis. The cigarette ash falls onto the pavement as it dwindles away in the background. The pop song inside fades to another. The cars keep passing through. It's another secret moment that is all yours.

A/N: FIRST AND FOREMOST, thank you to @hypersonic04 for help when I was brainstorming. You know I love you.

Right so I don't know Tumblr terminology, dunno what a blurb, oneshot etc. actually are. College!Ross was only supposed to be a oneshot (?), but because I'm continuing the story, it's technically not now, is it? Is it a series? I don't even know. I don't know what this is unravelling to be, in my head it's just a series of episodic vignettes in the same universe about the same person, not necessarily a series. If you have any input on the subject, by all means, tell me because I'm confusing myself.

Also, what do we think about college!Ross as a tag? I'm British so college means something different here, so when I write it I just have the image of a 16-year-old doing a vocational course in my head. The tag feels very American, but university!Ross or uni!Ross makes him sound like a unicorn or smth silly, student!Ross also sounds lame asf. ANYWAYS, I digress, I hope you liked this. And send me requests of what you wanna hear from me/just to chat <3 <3

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a-gay-old-time · 1 year

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My 2022 in Ficbinding

This past year, I bound 16 works and and 30 books in total (when including multi-volume works and personal and author/artist copies). This actually includes most of the books I’ve ever bound, since I first started binding in November of 2021. Apparently in March I was possessed by some sort of bookbinding spirit because I managed to make 7 books that month which is something that seems impossible to me now. I’m really grateful to all of the authors and artists who allowed me to take their works and turn them into books - your incredible words and art are constant sources of inspiration. And I could never have done all of this without the resources and guidance and community from @renegadepublishing. I can’t wait to see what 2023 holds, I’m already so excited about the WIPs I’ve started working on!

January

GallaPlacidia Anthology by Gallaplacidia

February

the call of sweet things by @softlystarstruck

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco’s Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by @greaseonmymouth

March

Way Down We Go by @xiaq

Sweeten to Taste by @saintgarbanzo

you bring me home & other stories by @softlystarstruck

The Claiming of Grimmauld Place by @bixgirl1

Chasing Dragons by @the-sinking-ship

April

Heart Like Neon by @lqtraintracks

Finely Drawn Lines by @the-sinking-ship

Nor All That Glisters by @sweet-s0rr0w

May

Loverboys by @corvuscrowned

July

Tit for Tat by @mintawasalreadytaken

August

Among Ancient Pines by @graymatters

September

The_Sinking_Ship Anthology by @the-sinking-ship

October

In the Shape of Things to Come & Preserving Lemons by @academicdisasterfic and @saintgarbanzo

December

what husbands are for by @softlystarstruck

#i know this is kinda late #but also time isn't real #but the books and friends i made along the way are #thanks to everyone who made 2022 such a special year to me

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leslutdepointedulac · 2 months

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*crashes through your door like big bird*

🗿 give us the rundown on how you got here! which was the first vc book you ever read? what made you decide to seek out vc fandom on tumblr?

Okay, buckle up ya'll because this is a decently long story.

So I would argue it actually started waaaayy back when I was a wee child, say about 6-7ish maybe. I would see the IWTV film on TV all the time and me being obsessed with vampires, I really wanted to watch it. Idk how I knew but somehow I had the knowledge that it was a very famous vampire story with queer characters and that it was supposed to be really good, so naturally I was like "I wanna watch that!" But my parents wouldn't let me because it's an 18 and I was a child (not that this stopped me fr begging them though lmao). This happened several times throughout my childhood and each time my parents would be like "No you're too young, you can watch it when you're older."

Skip to when I was around 15 I think, and I had this friend in school whose house I went to quite often. I was round for a sleepover one time and they told me there was this film with a banging soundtrack they wanted to show me. That film was QOTD. We watched it and I thought it was pretty decent (fyi I can't stand that film now, but the soundtrack still slaps. And Akasha! Aaliyah absolutely killed it!). When I went home the next day I told my parents what I had done at my friend's house, and that we had watched QOTD and they were like "Oh, the sequal to IWTV". Now bear in mind, I'd forgotten all about IWTV by this point and then it all came back to me and I was like "Omg no way!"

However, I still didn't watch IWTV and I forgot about it all over again. Until 2 years ago. I for the life of me cannot remember how or why I suddenly remembered it at the time, but I was chilling in bed and it came to me. So I found IWTV and watched it for the first time in my life (I was 19 at this point) and lemme tell you. It was worth waiting 19 years of my life. I loved it and thought how it was insane I'd only just now seen it, but better late than never.

Then I forgot about it again lmao. Until the 3rd November 2022. I remembered (again, idk how or why) that I had heard about an IWTV TV show so I found it and watched it and I thought "huh, that was pretty good. I like this!" And so I became obsessed.

Then I decided I wanted to read the books so in December of 2022 I bought IWTV, TVL and QOTD (it's all three in one book) and I started reading the series from the very beginning. I got even more obsessed and kept buying the series until I had them all and read through the whole thing.

In February on 2023 I joined tumblr for the VC fandom, because I had seen VCblr posts on Pinterest and thought it looked fun, so naturally I joined in.

And that more or less takes us up to now really lol. I'm still here and even more obsessed than ever. My obsession is primarily on the books since I read them. I kinda moved from the show to the books but I still have a deep appreciation for the show because that's what brought me here to the fandom in the first place. (And I still love the film too.)

I also recently, in the past couple of months, made friends with a group of people here in the fandom and I'm so glad to know them and be friends with them (including you, of course @hekateinhell 💖). I've been in many fandoms before this one, but this is the first one I've been so active in and the first one I've made friends in. I love ya'll, and I love talking to you all 🥰💕💕

Anyway, it's a long story as to how I got here 😅 It's like these vampires have always been in my life in one way or another.

Sorry this was such a ramble but yeah. There's practically my whole VC life story 😂

#thank you for the ask!#vampire chronicles #tvc #ask game #ask and you will be answered

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saltygilmores · 4 months

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THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP6: TAKE THE DEVILED EGGS (Pt 2) (This One's Gonna Be a Real Rage Inducer) (Lots Of Interesting Development Though) (So many things happening) (Salty Rambles about Jess Mariano's Birthday)

There is something to be said about Luke (on multiple occasions) readily admitting he pays Jess in ketchup packets to toil in the Coffee Mines more or less against his will. I get that it's just a part time job after school...before school..while he's cutting school..always working...never stopping...never reicieving any tips from Lorelai and Rory... Rory needs a job... Rory and Lorelai need to pay for their food... Anyway these comments shed a light on the shaky economies of small businesses in small towns which is interesting to me. Gilmore Girls is really, at it's core, a show about class. One day he could wake up to find his diner has been turned into a Dunkin Donuts (this is Not-Quite-But-Almost-New England after all, where DD is king).

Hahahahaha!! Jess stole money to buy a car and he committs attempted murder! Hahahahaaha! You're SO FUNNY LORELAI GILMORE. Your daughter stole a boat.

Yeah. And maybe back home, he did had to steal to survive sometimes. How about them apples, Lorelai Gilmore. God, do I loathe her.

Don't say that around Lorelai, I think she'd believe you were being serious.

A couple of the moots and I recently decided that in the recent past, Liz managed to land and then lose a halfway decent boyfriend/ father figure to Jess who had a car and taught Jess to drive and do repairs and some other light adulting. I honestly feel like this is the only thing that makes sense.

HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS SCENE!!! Fuck meeee. Look at that li'l curl...

LOOK AT IT!!!! You know what, I'm calling it. I'm putting my foot down. This is the hottest Milo had ever looked in the entirety of seasons 2 and 3. It's that perfectly gelled hair, the jean jacket, the cool tshirt. Very James Dean. Woof. Let's see, what would I choose for second place? I have to go with the party scene in KegMax, another episode with impeccably jelled hair and a jean jacket (and even while he was apparently sick shooting that episode too). He just progresses in hotness the further season 3 marches on.

These four words "I'm still a minor" are a point of contention for me in the ongoing debate about his birth month. My beliefs: Jess is a Virgo. He was born in August or early September. This would make him just older than Rory by just a smidge. Since well over a year has passed in the show since the episode he arrived in Stars Hollow as a 17 year old (when he arrived, it was early September as Rory had just started school in that episode), he had just celebrated his birthday before arriving and so he has to have already turned 18 by this episode. However, I will consider the theory that Luke was clueless or misinformed about his age at the time he arrived (because it's not like LIz is in any way reliable with information) and he was actually 16 going on 17 when he hopped off the bus last year, and maybe he has an October or November birthday making him slightly younger than Rory. It would make sense that both missed the kindergarten cut off dates in 1989 at their respective schools (which is rock solid canon already for Rory, as she was born in October 84 but graduated in 03 instead of 02), putting them in the same grade.

Salty has put a pathetic amount of thought into this. So, how can I accept this statemen? I attribute it to the same brand of biting sarcasm that gave us "I mugged an old lady" moments ago and also because this scene doesn't make a whole lot of sense to begin with. He's still a minor, but he got his own insurance all by himself under his own name, which is not really a thing, but not his own car registration? Committing insurance fraud perhaps? Sketchy insurance company that didn't ask too many questions? He knows a guy who knows a guy who can print up some fake documents? At that point why not go all the way with the white collar crimes and forge Luke's signature on the registration too? See, Lorelai thinks Jess is a thief and murderer when he's really a white collar criminal like Taylor Doose.

My memory was certain that he produced a cigarrette and not a pen in this scene. I had to edit this post to remove a line about him smoking. I guess I confused it with the Then She Appears/ Cmurrh kissing scene, where he's also wearing a jean jacket with a popped collar. Damn. I can't wait for that scene...

Just some light fraud. If the car belonged to someone in Stars Hollow, whoever's registration he stole probably deserved it anyway. This is how I approach all "Crimes" Jess commits in Stars Hollow. There are only a few people who don't deserve it. Your honor, my client is innocent.

Oh no, the couch of doom. No good conversations ever happens between Rory and Lorelai on the couch, especially after one of them comes home at night and finds the other one on the couch. The Gilmores recieve an invitation to Sherry's baby shower. The moots and I have determined that Doula and Gigi will eventually band together to form the most powerful duo of neglected half sisters the world has ever seen. For the record, today Doula would be 17 and Gigi would be 21. Since Jess eventually comes to adopt and raises Doula she has a somewhat decent chance of coming out a well adjusted adult. At the very least, if she was stuck with TJ and Liz, Jess would still be a positive influence on her life, visit her and look out for her and make sure she didn't get sucked into any cults. The odds are a lot more grim for Gigi with Crusty and Sherry as her forever "parents" and let's face it, very likely her relationship with big sister Rory or any of the other Gilmores is non existent.

And things were so peaceful. Especially since Dean hasn't reared his ugly head in the last two episodes, either.

You flip flop with Crusty so much how can anyone possibly keep track of whether you're on the outs with him or banging him at any given time?

And by saying that out loud you're gonna tip the balance of the universe and he's going to show up. I looked ahead and although this is sadly still a Crusty-Focused episode, he doesn't actually make an appearance. Small blessings. To Lorelai's surprise, Rory admits that she's been in contact with Crusty and Lorelai is okay with it but upset that Rory was hiding it from her. God, he's such a parasite.

Emails. How quaint.

Highly debatable.

#gilmore girls #denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 3 #TDDE #Take the Deviled Eggs #Rory Gilmore #Lorelai Gilmore #Jess Mariano #Luke Danes #Milo Ventimiglia

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eretzyisrael · 4 months

Text

by John Podhoretz

I have lost count of the number of times the phrase “I have never felt like this before” has been spoken in my ear, texted to me, or sent to me in an email, in the three months since the Hamas attack on October 7, 2023.

When I talked with Israelis on a trip in November, the phrase described a gut emotion few under the age of 50 said they had ever experienced—the sense that they were personally vulnerable to outside attack in a manner more like an extended military invasion than a terrorist blow. They had lived through years of ineffectual rocket fire that was all but magically extinguished by the Iron Dome and Arrow anti-missile systems. Those interceptions had provided a feeling of near-divine protection. No longer. Israelis feel raw now, and such vulnerability is never momentary or transitory; one might say the opposite. Once it seizes you, it might take years before you wake up one morning and notice suddenly it’s no longer there.

I experienced that blissful moment once in my life, in New York City in 1998, when I was walking alone late at night across Central Park and realized I was doing something I simply would never have done before in my 37 years as a native Manhattanite. The feeling in the gut of every New Yorker of my age—the need to protect oneself from some sudden onslaught, in part because everyone we knew had been attacked in one way or another—was just no longer there, and I had never felt it disappearing. Because of the crime drop, because of increased police visibility, because of the presence of others like me in exactly the same place at exactly the same time, this new sense of freedom was now my new reality.

I am not saying Israelis ever felt secure in quite that way before October 7. They had, of course, lived through 60 years of terrorist attacks (the Palestine Liberation Organization was founded in 1964 as a violence-worshipping gang designed to attack civilians on the model of the anti-colonialists in Algeria) and several short wars over the past half century. But through the 2010s and early 2020s, the sense of immediate danger for Israelis had split in two—and might therefore have seemed, oddly enough, twice as weak.

The threat had either become too geopolitically large to affect their quotidian existences (like the existential risk posed by Iran’s nuclear program) or could have only come so suddenly and unexpectedly that it would have been absurd to disrupt your daily life taking personal countermeasures (Palestinians engaged in a bus-stabbing spree at one point; how do you defend against that?).

These kinds of perils were certainly haunting, and they played a significant political role in Israeli elections and Knesset debates, but they were more theoretical to 9 million Israelis than actual.

So, now, when an Israeli says, “I’ve never felt like this before,” what he’s describing is a loss of stability, as though the very earth under his feet is no longer truly solid but might crumble beneath him. This is why the Hamas action, though not a terrorist attack in the traditional sense, may have been the most effective strike against Israel in the history of the Jewish state. It has destabilized people internally, which is terrorism’s goal. It also helps us understand the ongoing traumatic effect of the continuing crisis involving the hostages in Gaza. They have been held in unknown conditions for months now by monsters whose vicious acts on October 7—and sadistic conduct during the captivity of those hostages who have been released—makes the thought of what they might be going through utterly paralyzing and terrifying when it crosses your mind even for a second.

Israelis have the sense that, but for the slightest accident of timing and location, any of them might have been one of those hostages. And they hear the air-raid sirens, and they run to the shelters and do not do so in the almost lackadaisical way most of them did before October 7. The larger threat to Israel’s existence, and their own existences, has moved from the theoretical to the actual. After all, Hamas actually invaded Israeli territory and roamed on Israeli soil for three days before the Gaza envelope was cleared of them. Fail to finish them off now, and it could, it would, it will, happen again.

#israel #hamas #gaza #terrorism #palestinians #israelis

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morganski-19 · 5 months

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I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 5: Trying

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 4

October 1986

“Ok, Julie,” Sarah Piercing, Julie’s case worker, sits across a small table from Julie, flipping through a file. “I know that this is hard for you, and I’m not asking for much. But we have to find you a temporary placement until I can locate some family members for you to stay with.”

Julie stays silent, staring at the corner of the table with her arms crossed. She’s wearing her mom’s sweatshirt, the same as she has for the past few days. It’s the only thing that’s making her feel comfortable at all, and she won’t take it off no matter how hard anyone else tries to.

“I’ve looked into your mother’s side of the family.” Sarah continues, sticking to the business. Not even a second’s hesitation in saying the word mother, as if the mere mention of her doesn’t make Julie want to burst out sobbing. “And the only family member I could find was her sister, but she is in another state, and after a short talk on the phone and a background check, deemed not suitable to take in a child.”

Suitable. As if anyone this person sticks her with would be more suitable that her mom. No one could ever live up to the person Rebecca Lawson was. No one could ever make Julie feel as safe as she did. As loved as she did.

“So, I’ve started looking into your father’s side. He has signed the birth certificate, but otherwise has not given up his parental rights, so he is still a placement to consider. Is it true that he has not been present in your life?”

Julie takes a deep breath, not wanting to talk about this anymore than she has to. “Yes.”

“This might all be a dead end. He does have an adult son, though. Have you ever met him?”

She stays silent again.

“Julie, I’m trying to find you a placement that is family, people that you are related to. I want to help you.”

Because the people she’s never met are family. Julie had family, and that’s gone. “I’ve never met anyone on my dad’s side. I’ve never even met him.”

“Alright. Maybe that isn’t the best outlet then. There is an open bed at the Radburn family’s house. They have two children there already, a brother and sister, ages twelve and eight. They’ve been there for a few months now and are currently being considered for adoption from a few couples. Does that sound like the best fit for you?”

“Whatever,” she responds coldly.

Sarah slides a folder in front of Julie. It holds all of the information Julie would need about this family before it becomes official, Sarah explains. As well as the address and phone number of her father if she ever wanted to initiate contact. If she ever wanted to find closure.

As if she needed anything else to make this week even worse. She’s already lost the only parent, the only family she’s ever known. She didn’t need to be rejected by the same man twice.

But there’s another name on the paper, the name of her father’s son. Steve Harrington. If she were to contact anyone from that family, it would be him. He deserved to know who his father was just as much as she did. That family deserved to know what Richard Harrington kept from them.

. . .

Present Day, November 1986

Steve knocks on the now Hopper-Byers house, hoping that Hopper is home. He needed to talk to someone who could actually help him with this, and he’s the closest he could think of. Maybe Joyce could help too since she took in El after Hopper was presumed dead, but he’s not entirely sure how that worked. He’s not entirely sure how Hopper gained custody of El anyway, he’s just hoping that it will help.

“Hello,” El says when she opens the door.

“Are you supposed to answer the door?”

She shrugs. “I have before.”

“Is your dad home, I’d like to talk to him.”

“Yes, he is in the kitchen.” El steps aside and lets him pass.

She walks with him to the kitchen, leading him as if he already doesn’t know the way. The Byers were lucky that the house hadn’t sold when they moved back to Hawkins, and with the payout from the government hush money and Hopper being reinstated as chief, they were able to add an extension so each of the kids could have their own room.

“Dad, Steve is here to see you,” she says as they enter the kitchen.

Hopper looks up from the file he’s reading with a nod. “Thanks, kid.” El walks away with a nod. “What can I do for you, Steve?”

He motions for Steve to take the seat across from him. “I was hoping I could talk to you about something. It’s about Julie.”

Hopper huffs out a laugh, closing the file in front of him and leaning back in the seat. “I was wondering how long it would take you to come talk to me. Go on.”

“I want to get custody for her, at least for a little while. I’m not sure I’m the best fit for her long term, but I want to get her out of that house, and she seems to like it back at mine.”

“Figured you would. I’m not sure how much help I’ll be, but I can definitely be a good character reference for you. So would Joyce.”

Steve nods. “Thank you. That means a lot.” He pauses. “How would I even go about doing this? Like what’s the first step? How’d you get custody of El?”

Hopper laughs. “Well, that wasn’t the most traditional way of doing things so that might not be the best help for your case. But I’d say probably talking to her case worker and seeing what you’d need to do to be granted temporary guardianship.”

“Ok, that doesn’t seem too bad. Anything you’d think I’d have to change to be granted that?”

“Getting a full-time job wouldn’t hurt. There’s probably going to be a house inspection so getting rid of anything, suspicious, is a good idea. But with how her case worker reacted to that house and the fact that she keeps running away, I think the odds are pretty good if she likes you. Of course, you’ll have to talk to Julie about all this first, see if she wants it.”

Steve doesn’t even know how to bring it up to Julie. He’s been scared that she might not even want this, that all of this effort might go toward nothing. But when he remembers the hopeless look on her face every time she has to go back to that house, and the breath of relief she took when he told her she could, illegally, stay at his house. All of it just tells him that there might be some hope in this.

The only hitch was how he didn’t feel like he was enough. Julie needed structure, a home. Somewhere that could provide for her better than he could. He’s barely an adult himself and can’t even legally drink yet, there’s no way he’s the best fit for her. And with the trauma that he’s just now starting to deal with, the nightmares he won’t be able to explain and the injuries he can’t either, it’s just not possible.

But temporary, he can work with temporarily. Steve only hopes that Julie can too.

“I’m planning to, soon.”

“Good. Hope it works out for you, let me know if I can help with anything else.”

Steve goes to stand, “Thank you again for your help. It really means a lot that you have my back for this.”

“Anytime, kid,” Hopper stands and sees Steve out. “And Steve, come to me again when you realize how long temporary means for you.”

Steve stares at Hopper as he closes the door, leaving him with the question he’s already debated more times than he can count.

. . .

“Hi,” Jane greets Julie at her empty lunch table, holding a lunch tray. “Can Max and I eat with you?”

“The people we normally eat are getting on my nerves,” Max complains, nodding her head at the table full of boys they just came from.

Julie looks in that direction. Two of the boys, one with curly hair and the other with a trying mullet are in a heated argument. One is just sitting there resigned of what is happening while the other looks over with a sorry gaze. “Sure,” Julie replies, “looks intense.”

“It was,” Jane states, sitting across from Julie after helping Max roll up to the end of the table.

“Something about the dumb game they play,” Max says while rolling her eyes.

“Dungeons and Dragons,” Jane mumbles over a bite of her sandwich. “They are trying to pick a date to play, but it is not working.”

Julie looks back at the table and sees all the boys now engaged in the argument and winces. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“Are you in Mrs. Wilson’s English class,” Jane asks, making small talk.

She shakes her head. “No, I’m a year ahead of you guys. Had her last year.”

“So, you already had to go through the torture of the Odyssey, be honest does it get any better.” Max reaches her hand across her tray and feels for her sandwich, carefully running her fingers along the edges before picking it up.

“If you’re into Greek Mythology, then yes. But if not, then no. Especially if you can’t get past the old language.” Julie picks at her lunch, not hungry.

Max sighs. “Great. It’s already enough that the story wants to make me fall asleep, but the guy who does the audiobook has the most sleep-inducing voice I’ve ever heard.”

“Lucas offered to read it to you,” Jane interrupts, sounding condescending.

“But he’s so busy with basketball, I don’t want to bother him with another thing.”

“You are not bothering him. Just ask him?”

“Who’s Lucas,” Julie asks, immediately regrets asking as this conversation seems to not involve her.

Jane looks at her with a smile. “Max’s boyfriend.”

“Sort of boyfriend,” Max corrects. “I haven’t decided if I’m ready for the full title yet.”

“He is her boyfriend,” Jane insists before returning to her lunch.

The three of them finish their lunch over small conversation, mainly just Jane and Max with Julie listening quietly. It’s weird to have people eat lunch with her. Ever since her best friend moved away a few years ago, there’s never been anyone else to eat with. And now the school is desolate compared to last year from the moves after spring break. It was easier to eat alone then to try and find friends.

But even though she doesn’t know Jane and Max that much, it doesn’t feel foreign. It feels friendly. Julie forgot how nice friendly felt.

. . .

“You will never guess what Keith just pulled me into his office for,” Robin excitedly runs up to Steve as he’s doing returns.

“We got a raise,” Steve guesses.

Robin shakes her head, pressing her lips together to keep in her excitement. “He’s quitting,” she loudly whispers as a customer came in the store.

Steve does a quick greeting to the customer before turning back to Robin. “You can’t be serious.”

“I indeed am, dingus. Keith is moving away and therefore, quitting. And he offered me his position as manager, but I declined it because I am going to start taking some classes at the community college in a few months, leaving you the opening to take it.”

“That would solve the job thing.” He winces, “But do I really want to manage a video store.”

Robin rolls her eyes. “Versus what, dingus. Just abandoning me to this shop alone as you go off and find a stuffy office job that I know you’ll hate and aren’t even qualified for. Take the job that’s been thrown into your lap. Because Keith may not like you but other than the week of spring break that they’ve since forgiven us for, your attendance has been spotless, with the exception of a few necessary call outs, the customers love you and you have great people skills. And while Keith seems to not think it, after working here for a while, you do have a good understanding of most of the movies in here and how to suggest them.”

“When you put it that way,” Steve sighs, yielding.

She smiles. “So, you’re going to go talk to Keith.”

“Yes. I will go talk to Keith.”

Steve walks over to the office and knocks gently. When Keith opens it, he rolls his eyes and leaves the door open when going back to his chair and his Cheetos.

“You’ll have to reapply,” Keith grumbles, upset that he’s even telling Steve this at all. “And you’ll have to interview with the owner.”

“When do I need it by?”

Keith sighs. “Have it by next week.”

“Great, thanks Keith.”

Steve returns to Robin with a grin. They work the rest of their shift before switching out with the afternoon workers, heading over to the school to pick up Dustin. He didn’t usually pick up Dustin from school, but with the state of the roads and heightened worry from the parents since the earthquake, he isn’t allowed to bike. So, he offered to do the days that Claudia needed to work. And he was happy to do it after all, gave him something to do.

He pulls up into his usual spot, Eddie’s van pulling up next to his not long after. Steve and Robin get out to talk to Eddie while they wait, and to make sure the back had enough for Max’s wheelchair.

It’s not awkward when he talks to Eddie. For some reason he thought it would be since they decided to put a pause on what was happening between them. But Eddie hops out and hugs Steve like he normally does, and then hugs Robin after. Like routine.

Steve should be grateful that it’s normal, should be grateful that Eddie doesn’t hold it against him. But it still stings knowing he was this close to getting something before he let his dad take it away from him again. Like he always did.

The last school bell rings and students start to flood out of the doors and into the parking lot and bus lane. Much less of a group of kids than last year, half of the town moving out after the quake, but still enough.

He spots Julie and catches her eye, waving at her. She waves back and he waves her over, thinking he can just offer her a ride. She’ll probably end up at his house anyway. But then Dustin will want to know who she is, but that he can deal with.

“Hey,” Julie greets him. “What are you doing here?”

“I pick up one of the kids I used to babysit after school sometimes,” Eddie and Robin snort when he says babysit, “Help his mom out. You want a ride, got an extra seat.”

“Oh. Uh, sure. Let me just go grab my bike.” Julie walks away, heading towards the bike racks.

Eddie leans closer to him. “You really think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah,” Steve shrugs. “She’s coming over to my house anyway.”

“But have you told Dustin about this new thing?” Robin adds, widen her eyes and waving her hands around.

Steve sighs. “No, but I’ll handle it. I can just say I actually started babysitting or something.”

“Yeah, cause sixteen-year-olds are in desperate need of babysitting,” Eddie mumbles.

“I said or something,” he mutters back.

Dustin finally makes his way out of the school, barreling his way over with Lucas and Max. Lucas is pushing Max up the slight hill, making sure that she doesn’t run into the moving cars. Eddie goes over to the passenger side to open the side door for Max, which Lucas helps her to step into, making sure she doesn’t put too much body weight on her legs.

“I got it, I got it,” she scolds when Lucas helps a little too much, but with the relief visible on her face when she gets in the car, it was needed.

“Call me when you get home, ok,” Lucas asks. Max nods, clicking her seatbelt into place carefully and looking forward.

Eddie collapses her wheelchair and gets it in the back of his van, saying his goodbye to Steve before driving off. Lucas heads towards the bike racks, waving to the rest of them as he does.

“Steve,” Dustin repeats, stopping his long rant to Robin about his science class. “Come on. I have a project I have due tomorrow.”

“The one you had assigned two weeks ago and are just now starting?” He asks, leaning against his car.

Dustin rolls his eyes. “I was assigned last week and took me a while to think of an idea but now I have one and would like to get working on it. So can we go before the exit gets clogged with seniors.”

Steve sees Julie almost to his car, rolling her bike beside her. “In a second, I’m taking someone else home today.”

“Who,” Dustin asks with a shocked face. “Did you make another friend that’s a high schooler? You need more friends your age, man.”

“You know you say that and then get offended when I can’t drive you places because I’m hanging out with other people. And I have sort of made a friend, it’s more complicated than that.” Steve walks to his trunk and pops the hood.

“How is it complicated?” Dustin gets cut off when Julie walks up to the car, Steve taking her bike from her and loading it into his trunk. “Who are you?”

Robin smacks his arm. “Be nice, doofus.”

“Dustin, this is Julie,” Steve introduces, turning to Julie. “Ignore anything he’s about to say, he can be a bit overwhelming.”

Julie looks at him with both a concerned and confused look, almost looking like she’s debating getting her bike and refusing the ride. But Steve ushers Dustin to the other side of the car.

“I am not overwhelming, Steve, just a curious mind,” Dustin continues but Steve tunes him out.

Robin gets in her designated seat, with Julie sitting in the seat behind her. Steve shoots Robin a glare which she returns with one that says, “I told you so”, before he pulls out of the parking lot.

. . .

Dustin keeps looking at her. Which is both unsettling and uncomfortable with how obvious he is. Julie’s seen him around school a few times, he was the curly haired kid that Max was sitting with at lunch before moving to her table. She assumes they’re friends, and since he knows Steve, does Max too?

If only Julie could ask, but he keeps staring at her with squinted eyes like he’s trying to figure out her deal. She wonders if Steve has told him about their relationship. It’s not like she would care, they never talked about who they wanted to tell. But she trusts Steve’s judgement enough that if he decided to share it, she would have let him.

“I know you from somewhere,” Dustin finally says, apparently done assessing her face.

“Jesus, Dustin, give it a rest,” Steve chastises from the front seat.

Dustin rolls his eyes but continues anyway. “I saw you eating lunch with Max and Jane earlier.”

“I did,” she replies, shifting in her seat a bit, scratching at the same spot on her thumb. She always gets a bit uncomfortable around new people, but this is intense.

“How do you know Max?” he asks, almost defensive.

Steve sends an apologetic look through the rearview mirror. “Dustin,” he warns again.

“I’m just asking. You two obviously know each other and I don’t know her, so I’m asking.”

“More like interrogating,” Robin mutters under her breath with an agreeing nod from Steve.

“I used to live down the street from her in the trailer park,” Julie answers.

Dustin nods. “So do you know Eddie then too, they lived across the street from each other.”

“I do.” There is an air of uncomfortable energy clouding Julie’s space. She moves on from scratching to picking, almost enough to make her thumb bleed.

Robin groans. “Jesus, Steve pulls over.” He does. “Julie switch seats from me, you can ignore Dustin better than way.”

She gets out of the car and switches places with Robin, now in the front seat with Steve.

“Wait, what,” Dustin starts to protest. “You gave up your seat.”

Robin shrugs. “So.”

Dustin is obviously very upset and confused, almost betrayed. He looks at Steve for anything but gets nothing. “You never give up the front seat, for your motion sickness.”

“Yeah well,” she says with a sly grin, “that might be fake so I always get the front seat.”

“What,” Dustin exclaims. “And you give it up for some girl that I’ve only met today. You’ve known me for two years.”

“Julie’s special.”

“How is she special?”

Robin rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t annoy me twenty-four-seven like someone else does.”

“So, you know her too. How do the both of you know her?” Dustin takes a deep breath, staring up at the roof before looking straight ahead again. “I’m seriously just curious, I’ve never once seen her hang out with you guys.”

Steve gives her a questioning look at the red light. Asking silently if it was ok for him to tell Dustin. Julie just shrugs, leaving the decision up to him.

Steve lets out a long sigh. “Julie is my sister, Dustin.”

It’s the first time since Dustin’s started talking that he’s been quiet. She might have just met him, but it seems like that doesn’t happen a lot. He just sits back in his seat, stunned with this information.

“She’s your sister,” he finally says.

“Yep,” Julie responds, biting on her cheek.

“Holy shit. How long have you known?”

Steve rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t know, what three weeks now?”

“Yeah, around that” Julie confirms.

Dustin takes another second to think before his face hits with realization. “That’s why you look so familiar. I saw the resemblance.”

Julie looks at Steve. They have a few similarities, but not a lot. “I don’t think we look that alike-.”

“You totally do,” Dustin insists as they pull up to what Julie can assume is his house.

“Alright, we’re here, out,” Steve commands.

Dustin gaps. “What no, I have so many more questions. Like how did you meet, did she always know, does your mom know, did you ever suspect anything, is this going to throw off our group dynamics?”

“All questions that will be there tomorrow,” Robin adds. “Now out.”

“Fine,” he groans, opening the car door. “See you later, Steve. Nice meeting you, Julie.”

The car rids back to Steve’s is silent, making one more stop to drop Robin off at her house. Julie would start up a conversation, but it felt nice to sit in silence after what just happened. She expected that she would meet the other people in Steve’s life, just not like this. A little less thrown into it all, but then he did warn her that he was picking someone else up. She just thought they would have been a little more amicable.

Not to say that Dustin wasn’t, but he came off so defensive. Like he had to protect Steve from something. Julie remembers that Steve mentioned he met Eddie during the spring break craziness, and now that she thinks about it, he did see him wandering around the trailer park that week. With Dustin, and with Max. With Eddie, and Robin, and some other kids too.

That week was a plague in her community, one that no one really had an explanation for. The same lack of explanations for what happened for the last three years in this town. Just the last fourth of July, there were people going in hoards to the new mall, only to die in a supposed fire. Julie ran into a girl she knew from school heading there, there was nothing normal in the way they were walking to the mall.

Something has been going on in Hawkins, and Julie had a weird feeling that told her Steve somehow knew about it. But she had no other proof to tell her why.

“I’m sorry about him,” Steve finally says. “I should have guessed that it would go like that, but I was hoping he wouldn’t go straight into interrogation mode.”

“It’s fine,” Julie responds quietly, stopping herself from picking at her skin again. “You two seem close.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “Yeah well, he was the closest thing I had to a sibling for well, before you.”

He pulls up his driveway and parks the car. As they get out of the car, the words he said sticks in Julie’s mind. Obviously, they were siblings, that was a biological fact. But biology means nothing when it comes to family, not for her at least. And they were estranged. Even though she’s spent almost every afternoon at his house for the past week, that doesn’t mean they were at the sibling level yet.

Unless they were. Julie was at the point where she could see Steve being a part of her life for a long time, maybe even forever. But she wasn’t sure if he was there yet. She had nothing left, no family, barely any friends. This new relationship with him was the last thing she could grasp that meant a family. It was easier for her to hope for the best when she already was holding the worst.

But him, he had a family. One already made from friends, his parents never really sticking around too much. It was something he talked about a lot, his friends. The kids he “babysat”, Robin, Eddie, he even mentioned one of his exes was now a close friend. He had people to rely on, he didn’t need another person in his life.

And yet he still smiled every time Julie came over and welcomed him into his home. Tried to get to know her and support her in the ways he could. Making sure she had a safe place to run away too when the other house got too much.

He understood her, or at least tried to. If anyone asked, she would not hesitate to say that they were siblings, let them assume that they were a real family. It was a reflex, a need. She needed people to know that she wasn’t alone. That there was someone to look after her.

Julie spent the last month looking after herself and everyone around her. Making sure she got the brunt of the yelling when Molly and Oliver were still in the house, did what she was told to avoid a fight. Ran away for nights on end and stealing extra food from the school lunches just to make sure she didn’t starve. It was her reality.

So, it was normal to want someone to take the load off again. And a small part of her wanted it to be Steve, hoped that he would do it. But she would never ask for it directly. He didn’t need her, and she hated the fact that she needed him.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Steve starts when the walk into the kitchen, sitting down across from her usual seat at the table. “It’s kind of important.”

Anxiety shoots through Julie as she sits down. This was it. “Ok,” she says warily.

Steve clears his throat, visibly debating how to say whatever it was. Only making it worse for Julie. “I’ve been thinking about a few things but mainly about how much you come over. I’ve seen you use the back shed a few times when things get bad, and sometimes I’ll come down for a glass of water and you’ll be sleeping on the couch.”

It’s too much, he doesn’t want her there. He’s taking back his offer because she used it too much. He doesn’t want her here anymore.

“The point I am trying to make is that you seem to like it here, more than there. And as far as us trying to get to know each other, I think it’s going well. I’ve liked getting to know you and starting to have that sibling relationship that I’ve wanted since I was a kid. Having Dustin and the kids is nice, and as much as I see them as siblings, it’s different. They have their own families while I don’t. But I want to. So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to see if I could get temporary custody of you, so you could come live here.”

“Oh,” Julie says in shock, her anxiety lessens and her defenses lower. He said the opposite of what he thought he would.

“And it doesn’t need to be permanent, just temporary. I’m not completely sure if I would even qualify for permanent custody or anything, or if I’m the best for that. But what I’m trying to say is that your welcome here, and I’d like to see you sleep on a real bed instead of my couch.”

Temporary rings around in her head, sticking more than everything else. The possibility of leaving still ever present, of not having a permanent home. She gets what he’s saying that he might not get approved, that she would be forced to move somewhere else. But she would want him to at least try. To at least admit that maybe he too wanted this for more than a short time.

Julie was never one to keep friendships, to let anyone in other than family. It was her and her mom against everyone else, always. She’s missed having that permanence, and she wanted Steve to fill that place.

Even though he would never be her mom, he never could be. And maybe she’s already putting too much pressure on him to be that.

But with the way he’s looking at her, she can’t help but think that they’re one in the same. Two people hurt by circumstance, trying desperately to create something to fix the brokenness of the past.

Maybe he needed her just as much as she needed him.

“I’d like that,” she finally says. “I want that.”

He visibly deflates back into his chair. “Ok. There’re a few things we’ll need to talk about, but I’d like to get this started. Could I have the name and contact information from your case worker, so I can talk to her and see what needs to happen?”

“Yeah, sure.” Julie rummages in her bag for the business card her case worker left her. She’s gotten used to carrying everything on her back that’s important, just in case. Pulling it out, she hands it to him.

“Thanks. It’s probably too late to call now, but I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Julie looks at him with hope that still feels a little misplaced, but she can’t snuff it out this time. “Ok.”

. . .

“I think that is a great idea, Steve,” Sarah, Julie’s case worker, says across the line. “I’ve been looking to get her out of that house for a while now but no one else in the school district has an open bed. But if she’s comfortable with it, I have no problem helping you get approved.”

“That’s great,” Steve responds. “Just let me know what I need to do, and I’ll get working on it.”

“Are you doing anything tomorrow around noon? We can have a formal, in person chat about everything.”

“I have a day off from work tomorrow, so that works.”

“Great, my office address is on the business card Julie gave you. Looking forward to meeting you in person. See you tomorrow.”

Steve places the phone back on the receiver just for it to start ringing again.

“Hello, Harrington residence,” he answers.

“I still can’t get over how formal you answer the phone,” Eddie says.

“Yeah, well it’s a habit.”

Eddie laughs and it makes Steve’s heart pull. He misses that laugh. “I was just calling to check in on you. We haven’t talked in a few days.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Steve didn’t mean to, it just happened. It was better for him if he didn’t see Eddie as much, that way he could stop himself from doing something stupid. “I’ve been busy dealing with some stuff, but I’m fine.”

“What stuff?”

“I’m working on getting custody of Julie. Or temporary guardianship. Custody is a much longer battle.”

“Holy shit, really? That’s great. As long as if it’s what you want.”

It is what Steve wants, but not all of it. His mind has been all over the place that he’s been neglecting himself. Neglecting his feelings for Eddie. It was his choice to put a pause on this, his choice to only deal with one thing at once. But as he’s working through everything again, he wants to feel like he can have things of his own again.

Robin has been there for him while he works through all of these feelings about his dad. The feelings of neglect and unworthiness. That nothing he can do could make him worthy in his parents’ eyes. And how those transfers to everything else.

Other feelings have bubbled up to the surface along with it. The one-sided breakup with Nancy, how unwanted he felt after that. How it felt that no matter how much he changed, how much he grew, he would never feel worthy of anyone.

Even now with Julie. He’s only been in her life for such a short time. And ever though it wasn’t his fault, he still felt like this wasn’t going to be a permanent thing. No one he was related to ever stuck around for longer than a few months. Why would she do the same thing.

Sometime in the future, she would find a family that could provide for her in the way that she needed. He was disjointed with a multitude of unprocessed trauma in a house that he didn’t own. He was unstable, Julie deserved stability.

“It’s what I want.”

“Good. We should have movie night again tomorrow with Birdie, get your mind off of it. I can bring some stuff too if you want.”

“Yeah, sure. I have a meeting with her case worker tomorrow to talk about how to do this, so I’ll probably need it.”

“See you tomorrow, then. Bye, Stevie. I’ve missed you.” Eddie hangs up the phone before Steve can respond.

There’s an ache in his chest when he hangs up the phone again, regretting everything. All he wants is to call Eddie back and invite him over now. Take everything for himself again. But he knows tomorrow he’s just going to wake up and feel undeserving of it all over again, so he won’t.

He won’t string Eddie along with his pile of insecurities, not now. When everything is settled, maybe then it will all start to fade away, and he can let himself be happy again.

But he needs to work things out with Julie first, then he can focus on himself again.

Chapter 6

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#stranger things #stranger things fic #long lost/secret sibling #steve has a sibling #steve harrington #julie lawson #eddie munson #robin buckley #dustin henderson #max mayfield #el hopper #steddie #angst #i don't know which ways home fic

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