been a while since i drew her,,

Catra, the realistic abused child

Shadow Weaver gives Catra her view of the world and Catra becomes an outlet for her shame and self-hate. Love is weakness and weakness isn't allowed. Love is finite.

When Adora leaves Catra's sense of safety is shattered. Adora was the person who protected her and gave her value. If Adora is gone what value does Catra have? So, Catra has to prove herself. If she never needed Adora her betrayal can't hurt.

Catra's story is about protecting the little girl who didn't know the cruelness of the world, who was innocent. She does everything to protect her, even if that means pushing everyone away. So, she's cold and cruel to Scorpio who wants to give her the closeness she needs. But, Catra is a walking paradox, she craves connection, but closeness is a precursor to pain.

Adora is begging her to come with her, and Catra doesn't. It would've saved a lot of time and pain, but going with Adora means that she would have to accept the word of two complete strangers. Adora chose the two strangers over her. When Catra sees that She-Ra is Adora this proves to her how meaningless Catra is and how great Adora is.

To Catra familiarity and power mean safety. If she's at the top no one can hurt her. So, she takes on Shadow Weaver's role to feel safe. But, it stops working. She is tortured by Horak and sent to the Crimson Waste to die.

In the Crimson Waste Catra changes. Just a short amount of time away from the place where she's been abused and traumatized she's nicer towards Scorpia and more playful. When she captures Adora and finds out that Shadow Weaver went to Brightmoon, to Adora. Adora is greater than Catra even if she defected. She's still the golden child.

She has tunnel vision. There is only one thing that will match the amount of pain that she is feeling. She pulls the lever, knowing full well that everything will change.

Everything is how is should be. Adora is Force Captain and Catra isn't in charge. Shadow Weaver is kind. But, no matter how much Catra tried to make her stay, Adora was bound to leave anyway. With nothing left to lose she lets herself and the world burn.

Catra comes back to her addictive patterns full force. It's easier to hide from the pain that to confront it. Her treatment of Scorpia is reflected in if love comes to easily it isn't worth something.

In Corridors we see Catra and Adora as children. Adora is friends with Lonnie. Catra thinks that Adora is going to leave her and be with Lonnie all the time, because to her love is finite. Catra loses value to Adora because there is this other person she has to compete with and Catra isn’t deserving of love. She goes and talks with Glimmer and they start talking about Adora. Catra realizes that maybe Adora didn’t leave for power and glory, maybe she loves Glimmer, and maybe, just maybe, she loved Catra as well. Maybe it’s too late, but Catra gains this new clarity and wants to do one good thing in her life. She saves Glimmer and expects to die at the hands of Horde Prime and she’s okay with it. There is nothing left for her. The only person who cared about her was Adora and she left for bigger and better things and better connections.

Adora comes back for her. Catra has two options, accept Adora’s forgiveness or be dumped on a planet and die. But, her forgiveness is what cuts through. Adora is the only person who has seen both her pain and the person beneath it, so if Adora can forgive her maybe Catra is forgivable?

The addictive cycles are far from broken. She’s actively trying to be a better person. But, she falls back on old patterns when she is scared. It is easier to accept hate than it is to accept love that can be taken away. To Catra love is finite.

But, she stands up to Shadow Weaver for her and Adora. But, Adora is manipulated by Shadow Weaver takes the Failsafe and sacrifices herself. Catra is trying to protect Adora from her own self destructive behaviors, but it doesn’t work. Adora still is determined to sacrifice herself for the sake of Etheria.

She's scared and and runs away. She can't watch Adora sacrifice herself. Catra asks Adora what she wants, maybe just maybe she wants her, but that would be too far fetched, right?

At the Heart of Etheria, Catra goes back for Adora. She stays by her side as she is willing to give up her life for everyone on Etheria. Without expecting any reciprocation, Catra tells Adora that she is loved.

Catra’s story is realistic childhood abuse and trauma. It isn’t romanticized with these vulnerable, meek victims. Her story is messy and violent and ugly, as it should be. But, the solution is just as simple as it sounds. Change. Trauma brain relies on patterns and predictability. In Corridors, Catra is looking down two hallways. A light one and a dark one. The light could be symbolized by Horde Prime’s “light”. He enlightens these worlds and makes them better. This “light” is what strips them of their identity. The light is what strips Catra of her identity. The dark corridor could represent the choice of the unknown, the change that the unknown will bring, or the dark where Catra would hide in order to get away from everything, the dark where Adora willingly sat with her. This change is what led her to breaking the cycle of a trauma mindset and allowed her to accept Adora’s forgiveness. Catra’s character arc isn’t one of linear growth, it rises and it falls because she’s human. Unlearning the familiar cycles is hard and you’re going to fall back on them because familiarity is safety, but acknowledging and pushing past those lows is what leads towards a better tomorrow.

(my own interpretations backed up five by five takes)

Man's unhappiness, as I construe, comes of his greatness; it is because there is an infinite in him, which with all his cunning he cannot quite bury under the finite.

— Thomas Carlyle

“What will undo any boundary is the awareness that it is our vision, and not what we are viewing, that is limited.”

|James P. Carse|

Finite and Infinite Games: A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility

Koch snowflake, Koch curve

FINITE EPISODE THREE IS OUT!! GO WATCH IT!!!!!!!

Earth and Heaven Will Perish, God Remains

They will perish, but You continue. Indeed they will all become-old like a garment, — Hebrews 1:11 | Disciples’ Literal New Testament (DLNT) Disciples' Literal New Testament: Serving Modern Disciples by More Fully Reflecting the Writing Style of the Ancient Disciples, Copyright © 2011 Michael J. Magill. All Rights Reserved. Published by Reyma Publishing Cross References: Psalm 102:26; Isaiah 51:6; Hebrews 8:13

“It’s A Given!” x #given #finite (at Margate, Kent) https://www.instagram.com/p/CruaD5tILp8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

The moment you begin to notice even the most finite of objects and you're carried to an infinite space, to a world that's endless in its explorations. You hear a sound, a single sound and that becomes a gateway to an entire orchestra at play. Or where I write these words and somehow unknowingly you surrender a little corner of your heart to me so beautifully that I simply sit there permanently, unveiling a thousand universes for you, one after the other after the other, until finally comes a grand revelation of the infinite self, lying there underneath all these veils, you are nothing less than a magnificent temple to which God himself pays a visit every now and then...

Random Xpressions

-Robert Trundle & R. Puligandla, Beyond Absurdity: The Philosophy of Albert Camus

When life changes, you will probably miss the way it was. You may miss those long morning drives or walks to the office, or those hectic family gatherings. You may miss them because those moments are finite — you will only travel those streets and see those people a certain amount of times.

Every time you do something that is one less time you do it. One day you will do something the final time and you will rarely know when that day comes.

For all you know, today might be the last time you walk in a particular neighborhood. Or it might be the last time you smile at a particular someone. To think otherwise, would be foolish. Nothing is guaranteed, except this moment. Your only real choice is to cherish every exchange like it is your last — because it very well might be.

Therefore, the best way to cherish life is to remind yourself of life's impermanence. It is to remember that every time you see someone that is one less time you see them. It is to remember that every time you go somewhere that is one less time you visit. By doing this, you naturally slow down. Almost like a reflex, you start to truly live.

— Entrepreneur and creative director Andrew Anabi on how to cherish life:

Finite

Trundle

Rail

Dose

So this is me in the photo. I’m a spectrum cat with PTSD from the decade in prison and an upbringing in the projects. Something switched mid shift at work and I lost control. Old echoes and old fears flooded my system. My heart rate elevated and my breathing became sporadic. New characters were on the floor after 3 12 hour shifts. So I did what we all do…

Dimmed the lights and shoved my earbuds into my cranium. Cranking up my favorite Cathar chant I settled into that uneasy rocking posture that almost bastardizes meditation. Inwardly screaming the English translations I rocked through the trauma flooding my system. The typical thoughts of how impossible it is to not be meditated while wading through the stress of changes beat the ever living piss out of me. Every “God why was I made this way” and “will it ever stop!” flooded my frailty as I struggled to seem normal.

The cycles are always in three and I was stuck. Car trouble left me at the mercy of the normal ones. Panic attacks in full swing my ride away from the nightmare informed me she would be late. So I sunk further in my depravity and reminded her that her mother had done the same thing last time I didn’t have a ride. But this is my child. Adult or not she doesn’t have the capacity to walk me through due to her own trauma. Her own struggle of assisting a person who left her to the worst of life by being in prison forced her to push back.

Now I sit with the aftermath. The last bit of normality has left my being and I’m still tasked with telling humanity that they can overcome and God rests within us all. It’s a raw power and I feel powerless. Yes. Some of us are tasked with carrying a message of hope from a place of hopelessness and I wonder…

Did other sages suffer through dark night after dark night and recite their best lines of loving grace in spite of facing their worst parts?

Is it due to my current ritual cycle and asking for stability instead of offering service?

Does a master plan actually exist or am I just a psych patient praying to something that doesn’t exist?

How often do we get realistic and speak from our pain? Is it noble or weak to do so?

Am I broken?

Do normal people struggle with their traumas or are there fully integrated masterminds out there with all the answers?

I say all this because I’m human. No amount of views or inspiration others receive will ever take that away. Most days I’m convinced I never had any answers and am speaking from that same vulnerable space I beg others to Wade into. It isn’t easy to be a beacon of light but nothing that comes east has any value. Keep moving. Keep speaking truth from the broken sparks within our humanity and see who vibes with you. The truth is around us and within us. It’s just buried under the mountain of struggle we call life. I love my pain for that humiliation. If it offers us nothing else there is one thing that comes from struggle- we perfect ourselves by embracing our flaws and having the testicular fortitude to acknowledge our ignorance.

It is much better to make friends with what you do not know than with what you do know, as there is an infinite supply of the former but a finite stock of the latter.

Jordan B. Peterson