theonlypterydactyl
T. A. Kiernan
I love reading and writing. I'm also a huge nerd. I'll be posting chapters of my stories here and little things that I post on Wattpad! (: Also please talk to me, I love making new friends! :D | https://linktr.ee/TAKiernan
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Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.
If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals
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Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.
Of fucking course
What sick bastard doesn’t
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Dialogue tips that actually work:
You are not writing a movie (ignore this if you are). The reader doesn't need to know every word the characters say for the duration of the story. Less is more.
Dialogue can happen within the prose. "And they awkwardky discussed the weather for five minutes" is way better than actually writing five pages of dialogue about the weather.
Balance your dialogues. Surprise yourself with a monosyllabic answe to a dialogue that's ten sentences long. Don't be afraid of letting your character use half a page for a reply or nothing at all!
Don't write accents phonetically, use slang and colloquialisms if needed.
Comma before "said" and no caps after "!?" unless it's an action tag. Study dialogue punctuation.
Learn the difference between action tags and dialogue tags. Then, use them interchangeably (or none at all).
Don't be afraid to use said. Use said if characters are just saying things, use another word if not. Simple. There's no need to use fancy synonyms unless absolutely necessary.
Not everyone talks the same way so it makes sense for your characters to use certain words more often than others. Think of someone who says "like" to start every sentence or someone who talks really slow. Be creative.
Use prose to slow down the pace during a conversation.
Skip prose to speed up the pace during a conversation.
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Writing Resources: WORDS ARE HARD
60 Synonyms for “Walk”
A list of sounds/onomatopoeias for writers
American vs British terms
Descriptionary
Insult names to use instead of "idiot”
Looking for a word you can’t remember
OneLook Reverse Dictionary
One look thesaurus
Power Thesaurus
Researching for WIPs : A Collection
Reverse Dictionary
Synonyms for Very
Using the appropriate vocabulary in your novel
Wild vs feral
Words to use instead of: cry/cried/crying
Writing websites
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It is OKAY to be proud of your work. It is OKAY to boast about your writing. It is OKAY to be your own number one supporter.
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Hiccup and Toothless; Platonic Soulmates
Not all epic stories need to be about love and finding the perfect one. That's not the only kind of powerful relationship. Yes, love is the most common especially in the sense of soulmates, but people often forget that soulmates don't have to be romantic. Soulmates are people you want to spend the rest of your life with, who you want to experience all your ups and downs with. They are people who understand you, your soul. They don't even have to be human.
How to Train Your Dragon follows Hiccup and Toothless. The ups and downs that they face, and they bonds that they make.
They are soulmates. Two wild hearts that sing in tune. They are better together. Toothless got Hiccup out of his shell and he made friends and he opened Hiccups eyes to the unjust slaughter. Hiccup gave Toothless the ability to fly, something that he thought he'd lost. They were meant to be together, to make each other better, to learn and to grow together. Even if it's for a short time.
Before I get into that, I want to start at the beginning.
Hiccup wanted to be like his father and all the other villagers. He wanted to kill a dragon. The only thing he had going for him was his brains, he's smart and inventive, which made him an outcast. So instead of relying on his strength, he built a machine to launch a net to capture a dragon.
And he does.
He captures a night fury, a dragon that's supposed to kill him on the spot. But, when he looks into his eyes he sees himself. He's not a dragon killer. So, Hiccup makes the brave decision and releases the scared dragon, expecting it to kill him, but he doesn't. The dragon spares him like Hiccup spared the dragon.
Later on, Hiccup discovers that he can't fly. So, being the inventor he is, Hiccup builds Toothless a tail fin so that he can fly. When Toothless starts to fly with Hiccup on his tail, that is when Hiccup realizes something.
He works to build a better tail fin, one that is controlled by a rider.
One of the greatest songs of all time combines Hiccup's theme with Toothless'. Test Drive is Toothless and Hiccup, it's their relationship and their bond. In songs afterwards and in the other movies Test Drive plays during crucial Hiccup and Toothless moments.
Hiccup realizes that the world that live in is too cruel for the dragons. Every time he turns around and defeats a new threat, another arises. That is no way to live.
So, he makes the selfless decision to let them go. Hiccup loves Toothless, but he has to let him go. The world isn't ready for dragons. The world doesn't accept things that are wild and beautiful, they want it for themselves.
Six years, that was all they were together, but by the gods did they revel in every second of it. Toothless and Hiccup relied on each other, but now they needed to be apart.
In the epilogue, Toothless is wild, like a dragon should be. But, the look on Hiccup's face when he sees Toothless is one full of hope and joy. Toothless turns into a puppy when he sees Hiccup.
But, what gets me is when they're flying.
Hiccup hasn't flown for years. The look on his face is one of pure bliss. He's flying with his best friend, his soulmate, with his wife and children. There is nothing better. Test Drive plays in the background and they soar in the sky. It takes Hiccup to the first time he flew on Toothless, where their bond was solidified and he knows that no matter how long they spend apart, a piece of him will belong to Toothless and a piece of Toothless will belong with him.
Hiccup has the heart of a dragon, his soul is fiery and bright. Hiccup is fearless and brave and selfless, like a dragon. He has become the very thing he sworn to protect.
#how to train your dragon#hiccup haddock#toothless#httyd#soulmates#platonic soulmates#platonic#test drive#soundtrack#didn't have to stop and sob atleast three times while writing this#dragons
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Catra and Adora and why I can't stop thinking about them. + Patrochilles and Love and why I think it's pretty cool
!!She-Ra spoilers (kinda spoilers for achilles/patroclus)!!
There is something about them that I can't stop thinking about. The way they interact with each other is so beautiful and the way their stories are written. I watched She-Ra two years ago, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about these two girls.
In the portal episodes and in Adora's future wish all these girls want is to be with each other. They don't want to rule the world or do anything. All they want is each other.
But they can't have each other.
They were bound to break at some point. Catra is the scapegoat and Adora is the golden child. Adora is oblivious to the manipulation and Catra knows that is what Shadow Weaver does. They are two very different products of childhood abuse.
You can tell from the beginning that they are absolutely in love with each other. Even after Adora left in episodes like Promise when it's just Catra and Adora, they're playful and in love. I think that they were in some sort of relationship, but they didn't have the words to describe their feelings (Adora didn't know what an Aunt was, so I don't think they'd know what a relationship was).
Even Horde Prime knew. He told Catra in Season 5, episode 1 "Horde Prime"
"Elevated heart rate, dilated pupils... Adora means something to you."
After everything when Adora went back to save Catra because she was the only person who knew her before She-Ra. Catra thinks that no one cares for her anymore and that Adora hates her. Adora has every reason to hate Catra, but she doesn't. She forgives Catra and Catra accepts that forgiveness.
In the show we've never seen Adora as scared as she was when Catra was chipped. There is genuine fear running through her veins as she watches the girl she loves be used as some toy. Adora is able to access her true She-Ra form, the one built on love, because of her love toward Catra.
It's not until Shadow Weaver is dead and Adora is dying does Catra take the step and admit her feelings without expecting any kind of reciprocation.
And their love saves the world. It's a powerful message. That no matter what love prevails. Love is the most powerful tool that one can use.
People will go to any lengths to find love or save it.
Achilles' love for Patroclus was strong enough that it would defy fate. He loved Patroclus so much that once he died, Achilles didn't care anymore. His better half was gone, the half that was kind and compassionate, was gone. So, he killed Hector because he wanted to die. His other half was gone and he was a killing machine. So, he killed Hector and then he died so he could join his lover in death.
There is always these movies and books and whatnot that emphasizes is, but no one does it like She-Ra and Song of Achilles (specifically), or at least that I've come across.
Both of their love was strong enough that it was to be feared. Prime knew about it and tried using is against Catra and Adora, pushing their buttons the right way, but it ended in his demise in the end. The gods knew that Achilles was powerful, but not as powerful as he was when Patroclus was alive.
Love is cool and powerful. We need more media that shows love this powerful that is can save/destroy planets, change fate, and defy the gods.
#she ra#catradora#catra#spop adora#stop catra#love is cool#powerful#song of achilles#patrochilles#achilles#patroclus#illiad
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"Are you okay?" +something I've had to learn the extremely hard way
"Are you okay?"
Minutes.
Hours.
Days.
"Are you okay? Why aren't you getting on?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."
"Hey! We haven't talked in awhile. How have you been?"
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
"I've been going through shit. Sorry, I wasn't able to get on."
"Hey no problem, wanna talk about it?"
"Yeah well...
"Hey, I really need you to get on. I can't stop thinking them and it's making me go mad."
"Hey, I saw you online, why haven't you been talking? Are you okay?"
"Are you ignoring me, did I do something wrong? Are you okay?"
Waves crash in my head.
I'm drowning in worry.
My thoughts take over.
Anxiety controls my mind.
I'm putting on a facade,
Smiling when I feel like crying,
Laughing when I feel like screaming.
I'm isolating myself,
Slowly drawing myself away from people.
"Hey, what's up. you on?"
I can't stop myself from answering,
I desperately want to show you what you do to me,
But, you wouldn't care.
You have other friends.
They love you.
And care about you.
Not as much as I do.
"Nothing, bored. How are you?"
"Not great, my mom...
"I'm so fucking done...
Minutes.
Hours.
Days.
"I can't with them anymore...
Minutes.
Hours.
Days.
"Can you get on? I need to talk."
Minutes.
Hours.
Days.
"I can't do this if you keep ignoring me."
Minutes.
Hours.
Days.
"Sorry, I'm an ass. I won't, I promise."
"No you're not, just please tell me when you're not going to be getting on."
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
"What the fuck? Can you get on and talk to me? I need you."
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
"Sorry. *lame excuse*"
"Please, just talk to me. I don't know what I did to you, but I'm sorry. Please, just talk to me."
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
"Sorry...*lame excuse*"
"Where are you, why aren't you getting on? I see that you're online but you never answer, do you not want to be friends? Please just tell me, just fucking talk to me."
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
"Sorry...*lame excuse*"
"I'm over this. I can't be friends with someone who doesn't want to talk to me, or even ask how I've been. All you do recently is complain about shit and then you get off. I need to talk to you too, I am so fucking stressed. So we're done. If you want to talk about it, you know how to contact me."
*leaves chat*
--
Losing someone you were so close to fucking hurts, I'm not going to sugar coat it. You constantly contradict yourself. But you can't leave them because they're broken and you don't want to leave them at their most vulnerable. So, you help them pick up the pieces. Too late you realize that you are also falling apart, and when they're ready to move on, you're still stuck there even more broken. You beg and beg for them to help you, like you helped them, but they step on the pieces and crush them, smaller and smaller, until you're missing parts of yourself.
Being in a relationship with someone, platonic or romantic, means you give 100% of yourself and they give 100% of themselves. If they start slacking and they withdraw themselves without making an effort, then they don't deserve you. You are putting more work into the other person when they can't even be bothered to ask you how you are.
Break it off. It will fucking hurt, trust me, it'll hurt like fucking hell. But you got to take care of yourself. You don't need to fix anyone no matter how broken they are, that is not your responsibility. They have to put themselves back together, either with your support or without it. That is their choice to make.
You don't owe anything to anyone, you only owe yourself something. So, please, reconsider that one relationship. In an ideal world you won't have to ever experience that kind of hurt, but you will. So be prepared and be guarded. People will hurt you and that's sadly how life is.
People turn into lessons. People hurt and hurt and hurt. People bring joy and butterflies and sloppy grins. They can do both, but you decide how much they can hurt you.
#ignoring#left behind#poem#text post#heartbreak#leaving#pain#people suck#people are messy#people hurt#swearing tw#friends are there for you#life lessons#people are lessons
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There is something so profound about creating your own story and world, but it's so hard. You have to grapple with your mind and your sanity to try and get these words on the page. Sometimes it flows like a water and other times you're stuck in a long drought.
Some people don't understand. They don't know the countless hours authors and artists alike put into their masterpieces, all they see is the pretty picture. They don't see the blood, sweat, and tears that soak the back or the days of doubt and weeks of crippling thoughts.
Yet we prevail. Artists are the strongest people I know, but the most broken. I think, in order to create something beautiful you need to be willing to look at the pieces of yourself and tell its story.
Tell the story of happiness and wide, sloppy smiles. The one of heartache and grief. The one of betrayal and lies. The one of sugary sweet kisses and fuzzy feelings. The dark thoughts, the happy thoughts, and everything in-between.
Don't be afraid of yourself. You are the strongest, most resilient person you know.
Only you know what goes on in your head.
Only you know the thoughts behind each action.
Only you can tell that story the way it's meant to be told.
Write and write and write. Don't let your fear of yourself get the better of you. Don't look up until you've created something that you're proud of, then don't listen to them as they pick apart your work. They'll tear it to shreds if you let them. Don't. Be strong and resilient and don't succumb to the darkness.
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death is just and fair. no one escapes it's claws for long. they are pulled into the lifeless sleep. slowly, piece by piece they become the earth. they become the grass, the flowers, the trees, and once again they are beautiful.
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Listen up!
You see a post like this? Where OP might hurt/kill themselves? You hit that button that I circled
Hit that.
Click Suicide or Self-harm Concern
Yes.
Fill in the rest of it, and hit submit. The "content you reported" will fill itself in
Tumblr will follow up and help them.
Warning: this is only for mobile. If anyone knows how to do this for desktop, please add it!
This could SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.
YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO REBLOG THIS.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT DOESN'T GO WITH YOUR BLOG'S THEME.
And yes, REBLOG. Liking does no shit at all. This isn't ig.
You reblog, people see it. You don't, people don't see it. This shit's that simple.
This could save someone's life. It's not a joke.
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overthink
I've never really fallen for someone. My heart doesn't pound when I see them, butterflies don't flutter in my chest, and my cheeks don't grow warm. I'm the same around them. Maybe I smile when I see them or they run through my mind. But, it's nothing like what I've read or watched or listened to my friends as they described what they feel.
Sometimes I think it's unfair. They easily fall for people, and they are hopelessly infatuated with them. They talk about them as if they are their sun and they are Earth orbiting around them. I get jealous. How can they be hopelessly devoted to this person that they have talked to maybe once or twice.
In books authors describe the very real feelings and then I'm left to imagine it for myself. I can't. I don't know how it feels to fall for someone, the butterflies that flutter or the intense beating of a heart. None of it makes sense to me.
My "crushes" are short. They last a week before I stop feelings things all together. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I always bottled up my emotions, I hardly let them out.
Don't cry, don't cry. They can't see you crying.
Don't love. Don't love. They can't see your weakness.
Am I at fault for my lack of romantic feelings? It runs through my mind day and night.
When I was younger I never had any celebrity crushes or any real crushes. So, to feel normal I would pick someone and I would "like" them. I never felt anything for these guys. They were just nice guys who talked to me so I figured "hey, this isn't a bad idea".
I was born like this. Right? I didn't condition myself to push down any emotion, that I'm "normal" in a sense.
I discovered that I liked my friend. We dated for a month, and every time he would message me butterflies would flutter in my chest. About a month before, I found out he liked me. I started to feel something for another friend of mine, those feelings for him lasted a week. A few months prior I figured that he liked me, and then a few weeks prior he confirmed it with a friend of mine.
Do I only like people because they like me back?
My ex-friend is super touchy and flirty. I'm the exact opposite. I figured she liked me. Nope. I was wrong. Misread the signs.
Why is it so hard for me to figure out if I like people?
Maybe I'm more aro/ace than I thought. But, I crave a relationship like that. I want to wake up and see them drunk with sleep and I want to be there for their highest highs and their lowest lows. I want to be somebody to someone.
So why the fuck is this so confusing?
Am I broken?
Why do I crave a relationship when I can't feel?
Do I like you or am I telling myself that? No one gets that close in less than a year. No one talks to someone that much in less than a year. No one gets that codependent in less than a year. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Girls are confusing and therefore any feelings need to be confirmed before we can proceed.
You can't just ask her!
How am I supposed to find out? Wait? Sit around for something to happen?! Nothing is going to fucking happen. No one wants you, you're horrible and selfish and boring and... and depressed, anxiety ridden, worrisome, clingy, a burden, and... a problem.
Yes. Wait. Question everything all of the time. Maybe she likes you. What if she doesn't? What if I break down and tell her that I feel these things, do I want to lose her?
No, she's amazing and great and kind and smart. I don't want to ruin her. I ruin people.
Take the quizzes, they told you that you were gay, maybe they'll tell you if you like her.
1: You like her.
Two: You really like her!
3: You are falling in love with her!
four: She likes you!
5: You like her
6: ...
No, they're wrong. I need someone to talk to. Who? I can't talk to her, she's not gay she wouldn't understand. He's gone we scared him away. She's not gay. She's friends with her. He's gone we made him go away.
Be quiet. Who the fuck cares.
Do I just want to be friends with her? Do I want something more? Does she want something more? Am I just making stuff up in my head? Why are feelings so confusing? Why are girls so confusing? Am I actually aro/ace instead of demi? I want to stop being confused. Why can't I figure this shit out already? Am I thinking about it too logically? Would she even want to be with someone like me?
SHUT UP. Shut the fuck up.
Stop overthinking.
Be
Quiet
Please
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Catra, the realistic abused child
Shadow Weaver gives Catra her view of the world and Catra becomes an outlet for her shame and self-hate. Love is weakness and weakness isn't allowed. Love is finite.
When Adora leaves Catra's sense of safety is shattered. Adora was the person who protected her and gave her value. If Adora is gone what value does Catra have? So, Catra has to prove herself. If she never needed Adora her betrayal can't hurt.
Catra's story is about protecting the little girl who didn't know the cruelness of the world, who was innocent. She does everything to protect her, even if that means pushing everyone away. So, she's cold and cruel to Scorpio who wants to give her the closeness she needs. But, Catra is a walking paradox, she craves connection, but closeness is a precursor to pain.
Adora is begging her to come with her, and Catra doesn't. It would've saved a lot of time and pain, but going with Adora means that she would have to accept the word of two complete strangers. Adora chose the two strangers over her. When Catra sees that She-Ra is Adora this proves to her how meaningless Catra is and how great Adora is.
To Catra familiarity and power mean safety. If she's at the top no one can hurt her. So, she takes on Shadow Weaver's role to feel safe. But, it stops working. She is tortured by Horak and sent to the Crimson Waste to die.
In the Crimson Waste Catra changes. Just a short amount of time away from the place where she's been abused and traumatized she's nicer towards Scorpia and more playful. When she captures Adora and finds out that Shadow Weaver went to Brightmoon, to Adora. Adora is greater than Catra even if she defected. She's still the golden child.
She has tunnel vision. There is only one thing that will match the amount of pain that she is feeling. She pulls the lever, knowing full well that everything will change.
Everything is how is should be. Adora is Force Captain and Catra isn't in charge. Shadow Weaver is kind. But, no matter how much Catra tried to make her stay, Adora was bound to leave anyway. With nothing left to lose she lets herself and the world burn.
Catra comes back to her addictive patterns full force. It's easier to hide from the pain that to confront it. Her treatment of Scorpia is reflected in if love comes to easily it isn't worth something.
In Corridors we see Catra and Adora as children. Adora is friends with Lonnie. Catra thinks that Adora is going to leave her and be with Lonnie all the time, because to her love is finite. Catra loses value to Adora because there is this other person she has to compete with and Catra isn’t deserving of love. She goes and talks with Glimmer and they start talking about Adora. Catra realizes that maybe Adora didn’t leave for power and glory, maybe she loves Glimmer, and maybe, just maybe, she loved Catra as well. Maybe it’s too late, but Catra gains this new clarity and wants to do one good thing in her life. She saves Glimmer and expects to die at the hands of Horde Prime and she’s okay with it. There is nothing left for her. The only person who cared about her was Adora and she left for bigger and better things and better connections.
Adora comes back for her. Catra has two options, accept Adora’s forgiveness or be dumped on a planet and die. But, her forgiveness is what cuts through. Adora is the only person who has seen both her pain and the person beneath it, so if Adora can forgive her maybe Catra is forgivable?
The addictive cycles are far from broken. She’s actively trying to be a better person. But, she falls back on old patterns when she is scared. It is easier to accept hate than it is to accept love that can be taken away. To Catra love is finite.
But, she stands up to Shadow Weaver for her and Adora. But, Adora is manipulated by Shadow Weaver takes the Failsafe and sacrifices herself. Catra is trying to protect Adora from her own self destructive behaviors, but it doesn’t work. Adora still is determined to sacrifice herself for the sake of Etheria.
She's scared and and runs away. She can't watch Adora sacrifice herself. Catra asks Adora what she wants, maybe just maybe she wants her, but that would be too far fetched, right?
At the Heart of Etheria, Catra goes back for Adora. She stays by her side as she is willing to give up her life for everyone on Etheria. Without expecting any reciprocation, Catra tells Adora that she is loved.
Catra’s story is realistic childhood abuse and trauma. It isn’t romanticized with these vulnerable, meek victims. Her story is messy and violent and ugly, as it should be. But, the solution is just as simple as it sounds. Change. Trauma brain relies on patterns and predictability. In Corridors, Catra is looking down two hallways. A light one and a dark one. The light could be symbolized by Horde Prime’s “light”. He enlightens these worlds and makes them better. This “light” is what strips them of their identity. The light is what strips Catra of her identity. The dark corridor could represent the choice of the unknown, the change that the unknown will bring, or the dark where Catra would hide in order to get away from everything, the dark where Adora willingly sat with her. This change is what led her to breaking the cycle of a trauma mindset and allowed her to accept Adora’s forgiveness. Catra’s character arc isn’t one of linear growth, it rises and it falls because she’s human. Unlearning the familiar cycles is hard and you’re going to fall back on them because familiarity is safety, but acknowledging and pushing past those lows is what leads towards a better tomorrow.
(my own interpretations backed up five by five takes)
#she ra#catradora#gay#lgbtq#trauma#breaking the cycle#betrayal#love#sapphic#catra#forgiveness#change#finite#safety#familiarity
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Adora, not your typical Chosen One
!!SPOILERS!!
Adora is piled with expectations. She's the Failsafe, Shadow Weaver's Prodigy, She-Ra, and Force Captain. All of these duties she has had to put over herself since she was a child. She is denied her agency.
Shadow Weaver only took her in because Adora had this power that she could harness and use for herself. Before she could even think for herself or even speak her future was decided for her. She may have been Shadow Weaver's favorite, but that doesn't mean Adora has privilege. She was given conditional love and was taught to be ashamed of Catra.
Catra was Adora's first expression of her personhood. She chose to be friends with Catra. Catra is the only flaw in her perfect pet project. So, Shadow Weaver tortures Catra in front of Adora just so she knows that Shadow Weaver doesn't approve of the person she cares about. Adora was taught to be responsible for the actions of others. Attachments are a detriment to her responsibilities.
Adora was raised on conditional love, denial of agency, and favor handed out like breadcrumbs. She finds this sword that turns her into an 8-foot tall warrior and suddenly everyone loves her. Adora cannot let these people down, so she does anything she can to help them, even if it costs Adora her life.
She-Ra is not the same person as Adora. She-Ra is invincible and strong and loved. Adora is an ex-horde solider who's broken. In the second episode she presents herself as She-Ra, not as Adora. Queen Angel accepts She-Ra into Brightmoon, not Adora. What's Adora to think besides that this is conditional acceptance. If she wasn't She-Ra she wouldn't be allowed in Brightmoon and no one cares about Adora, they just care about She-Ra, the mighty warrior who will save them.
What Adora can do will always take precedence over Adora herself, and she's been taught that since she was a girl. Adora isn't important. Love, care, and acknowledging herself isn't useful because it is hard to control.
Adora realizes that her attachments make her who she is and that she's fighting for them, but she doesn't need help giving love to others. She needs help giving love to herself and accepting the love of others. She can't seem to see that Adora and She-Ra are the same person, in her mind She-Ra is something she wields and something she wields can be taken away.
Adora has a crisis of identity. She was told to not be like Mara, she was the She-Ra who went nuts. Now she has to live up to her legacy. Adora was the successor of a She-Ra so burdened by a warped narrative it preceded her. Adora witnesses how cruel this type of rewriting can be, because it’s happening to her while she’s alive.
In Hero, Glimmer blatantly tells her that she failed and hasn’t done enough. This destroys Adora. Friendship with Glimmer is off the table to Adora, Glimmer doesn’t want to be friends with her because she failed and she’s not useful anymore. Adora doesn’t feel like she deserved love and she’s so disconnected from herself. There is a difference between a friendship that is fixable and one that isn't. Her relationship with Glimmer is unfixable and she's lost yet another person.
But, she has to connect to the world and to herself in order to connect to her powers. She has to admit that she’s human and deserves love. If she realizes that she is worth being loved, then she’ll learn that she never had to prove herself to earn it and it is accepting her innate value as a human.
Adora is sacrificing herself all the time because they want what Adora can do rather than Adora herself, or that's what she thinks. She can't help but wonder if they would've been her friends if she wasn't She-Ra.
Beast Island is the first episode where we see Adora's eyes glow before the sword. The sword hadn't been working all episode and when it does the light comes from her eyes rather than the sword. Adora powers the sword. But, it's easier to be calm and confident if there's something to rely rather than rely on yourself, because she's insecure about herself worth. If she can't become She-Ra, Adora is no one.
Adora chooses to smash the sword. She chooses to not be given a destiny. She wants to choose who she will be. Without choice you aren't a person, you are stripped of your identity. Adora has to live with the question, Who is Adora without the sword? She has to live with the consequences of losing She-Ra.
But, she's at war with herself. She choose to break the sword but how can she reconcile destroying what gave her purpose and worth. So, she starts neglecting her health and sleep. If She-Ra is gone that means Adora has to work harder to make up for her actions. She continues to struggle to intergrate She-Ra (duties, usefulness), her aspirations, and her self worth.
“I AM She-Ra.” “Okay She-Ra, I know YOU’RE in there.” “I don’t know I just lost HER.” “I hear Horde Prime’s looking for ME. Figured it was time we met.”
Adora either wields the power or she is the power. Something she wields can easily be taken away, but something she is cannot be stripped away that easily.
Catra is in the hands of Horde Prime. Prime's light strips everything of choice and identity. Adora allows herself to make a personal resume mission to act on something that matters to her, Catra. She chooses to save Catra without She-Ra and she accepts her identity and choice. During "Save the Cat" she allows herself to feel grief, not only for Catra but who she was with Catra, the Adora Catra knew. The first expression of her personhood. This is the first time we see Adora's self-actualized She-Ra form, fitted with Glimmer's boots, Bow's heart, and Catra's headpiece.
Even with her new She-Ra form, Adora can't decide if she is She-Ra or if she wields She-Ra. When she meets Melog, she says "You're magic aren't you? Me too." In She-Ra magic typically represents the authentic self and self-actualization.
Shadow Weaver is the one who convinces Adora to take the Failsafe. Adora is She-Ra, she'll hopefully, ideally survive. No one else stopped her. She was dead set on saving Etheria and she's broken enough to want to sacrifice herself. Adora is determined to ignore her humanity, but Catra's last appeal to her hits her.
"What do you want, Adora?"
The others might have given her unconditional love, but Catra's works. Catra is the only person who knew her before she was She-Ra. She was the first expression of Adora's personhood. Adora wanted Catra.
In Adora's future wish, she's surrounded by the people she loves and her responsibilities and humanity are balanced. Adora found peace.
When she believes she least deserves it, she's failed and she can do no good no more, Catra yells and she listens. Catra tells Adora that she is loved, but she always has been. So, she chooses to save herself and she chooses Catra.
Adora’s story is one of self-sabotage. She constantly betrays herself for the expectations of others. There will always be people telling us what to do or who to be, but we can’t let them tell us what to do. Adora doesn’t understand that her identity is hers to make and that she is allowed to have a say in what happens to her. But, the cycles and patterns that come with a child whose mind is in trauma mode are hard to break. She has to learn that she has agency, something that she’s been denied since she was a baby. Just because you have this power within you doesn’t give people the right to use you to their advantage. Adora has to learn that the opinions of others don’t have to control her, that you can’t define yourself by what someone else is saying. Only you can define who you are and what you want to do.
(my own interpretations backed up five by five takes)
#she ra#adora#catradora#gay#lgbtq#trauma#breaking the cycle#self sabotage#self sacrifice#betrayal#love#identity#choice#agency#sapphic
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a little (more than) confused
Crisis is running rampant through my mind,
The red sirens blare in my head, causing it to be the only thought in my mind.
Things were so easy before,
But being around you again jumbled my head.
Now I don't know how to act around you.
I don't know what your actions mean,
Is there something more behind them?
Maybe I'm flattering myself,
I know what you think of me as.
I want to be fine with it,
So I lie and tell myself I am.
But, I'm not.
I want what all these other people have,
But, I know it's too far fetched.
You have eyes for someone else,
And I will learn to accept it,
Because what makes you happy, makes me happy.
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Death of the Gods
We're all that's left.
Our final plea goes to no one.
All the gods are dead.
Our lands are dry,
The night is long,
Hunger runs rampant.
I had a name, but it was forgotten,
Like all the others.
We don't live,
We survive.
Luxury is something long past us now.
We're cold,
Hungry,
Tired.
Please, oh holy, Arien,
Come back and save your people.
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Changing of the Tides
The changing of the tides
The Ocean sighs
The sun is sinking
The stars are winking
They descend down upon the salty Ocean
I feel a certain emotion
And I wonder what it's like to be free
As free as the sea
As almost if it was planned
There you stand
We made mistakes
That caused our hearts to ache
But I'll forget the pain
If you'll remain
For a moment we can be together again
From now until then
But we can never remain
We cause each other too much pain
She takes you away from me
Claiming you will be free
But I know you won't
Even if you don't
I'll help you
Even if you don't believe it's true
But I'll do anything for you
No matter what hell I have to go through
Because I love you
And I hope you love me too
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