Did your abusive parents continually imply or say outright, that you're a burden not only on them, but also on all other people you interact with?

I had my parents warn me every time I was leaving the house that I was a nuisance and to not allow other people to 'feed me' because then I would be eating somebody else's food. There was a few times where I accepted a ride from my friend's parents, because I didn't dare to ask my own parents, and when they found out, they were outraged, furious and went on this big tirade about how I owe them gas money, how I spent resources that weren't mine, and was now in debt to those people, and they, my parents now had to go and make up for that debt (for the friend's parents, it was a 3 minute detour to pick me up, they were already driving their own kid).

I was discouraged from going anywhere because of how big of a burden I was on those people, and if I wanted to go to a friend's house, they would get mad and ask 'why do you have to go there, aren't we good enough for you', it was mind-boggling.

However it did force me, as a child, to continually believe I have to be extremely useful; at every house I went, I made a gift for them so they wouldn't be mad at me, and to pay my dues that I owe them for being at their place. I also didn't dare to ask for food or drinks anywhere because I believed that would make me a burden and put me in debt, and rides were considered basically unrepayable, and I had to depend on my parents for them, who would use them for blackmail every time. (you have to do whatever I say for 2 weeks, if you want that 15 minutes ride to the train station).

I only realized recently that they actively worked on making me feel despised and burdensome in every place I ever went, not only at my own home, and that it's the reason I never visit other people's houses anymore, and stick to myself in fear of being unwelcome.

Chronic illness is simultaneously being the burden, while carrying the burden.

(Or at least that’s what it feels like)

i’m so sad right now

hanging out with my friends always makes me aware of how much of a loser i am

nobody flirts with me, nobody wants to sleep with me or date me

no one will ever love me

not even my friends

they’re only nice to me when it’s convenient to them

we have to spend the next few weeks being repeatedly triggered (its unavoidable and i dont want to explain rn)

its with on of our biggest triggers too (not listed on our page, its private)

idek how were going to cope

i dont want to b constantly asking our brother or partner-sys for help.. i dont want to burden them more than we already do

-Bunny (no pronouns rn pls)

When they start making you feel unwanted

Whumptober Day 15! Annie is fine, she's definitely not injured

A lot of people don't know if they're depressed or what depression is - or even what depression looks like. They may be stuck asking themselves am I depressed? Are these signs of depression or am I just lazy or anxious or just sad? Let's talk about depression. Depression looks different for everyone, and sometimes the people around us (friends, family, co-workers) don't know what depression even looks like. Or maybe they think depression signs and symptoms are different than they actually are. Or maybe they think depression makes someone weak or can be fixed by their own self will or exercising more. They don't understand depression and the brain and what a depression diagnosis is. The reality is that there are a lot of misconceptions about depression. So let's dive into the 6 misconceptions about depression. 

Coming back here just to say I am getting fucking tired of feeling like a side effect of my friend. It’s like she’s always the main fucking event and I just happen to be there too sometimes. Whenever I go places alone people ask where she is before they even consider saying hi to me. I feel absolutely fucking invisible because everyone seems to only be focused on fucking bright she shines. Now, I do not want to sound jealous and shit. I am happy for her, I like to see her thrive but I feel like that’s not supposed to imply me feeling this fucking miserable.

People dont love all of you they just love the easy parts of you

You know what? I am so fucking insecure that Captain Kirk, Fred Rogers, and Christ Himself could magically appear before me, hold my hands, earnestly tell me something like "You have value" or "You are worthy of being alive" or "You deserve to be loved" and (through endless sobbing and wailing, of course) I would fucking argue with them about it until they all killed themselves out of frustration.

I struggle to feel wanted, desired, enjoyed.

I'm not sure when it became the norm to assume I was forcing my presence and company upon others.

I don't know when I decided my company, time, and efforts at friendship were no longer exciting gifts to be given but burdens to be merely born.

I'm trying to recover. Trying to get better.

My self esteem is kind of shattered.

Broken like a mirror glued in a frame, it's hard to take out the shards to replace the glass, without getting cut.

You manipulated, gaslighted and lied to me

and i was fighting for us.....

i’m a lot of things

but one thing i’ll never be is enough

Seriously. I’m going to stop reblogging these ‘send me this’ posts because I never get any. 

It’s incredible humiliating to realize that you’re not even worth a moment to send something in but clearly not busy enough to reblog it in order to get these post yourself.

Feels great. Not. 

Rant over. 

Might delete this later, we’ll see.

absent

"Well, what do I do now?" Leaning against the countertop, the edge pushing against the soft muscle of my lower back.

"You can wait, if you want to, but..." the skin lining the nail on my thumb was shredded up, I don't know how that happened.

You said something else but I didn't hear you, so I nodded as if we had come to a mutual agreement.

"Where's my bag? The small yellow one?"

You leave the room and I realise that the kitchen sink has been dripping the entire time.

"So, will you come with me or are you, like, waiting still?" Your shoes were ragged, the aglets of your laces barely holding onto the thinning thread.

"I get that you guys were close and all, but that was ages ago," The rings on my finger felt tight, must be all those cookies I keep eating out of the box.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall, I don't how he put up with you," I should probably dust the house once you leave, too many things are piling up on the tables.

"God, why do I even try sometimes..." Yeah, maybe should I get rid of all this junk, nobody coming around here nowadays.

Ever just feel overwhelmed to the point you just want the day over and new one begin, that's me today! I wish I had that someone to share this journey with. Dreamt for a long while of having my own place but always thought I'd be doing a project like this with someone, making it a place we call ours and making memories along the way! Yet here I am, alone and feeling overwhelmed with no one and no where to turn but myself. Tomorrow is a new day