#even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mikachacha · 7 months

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𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝙸𝚜 𝙼𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You're Monika's little sister and you share the love for dancing like your older sister does so you decided to join team Bebe, wanting to prove to everyone and to yourself that you're not just Monika's shadow.

Warnings: a bit of angst because why not? but there's gonna be fluff 🫶🫶

(A/N: this request came from anon and it's hard not to do it because i can picture this in my head 😭 it's so good and im really hoping that i do this idea any justice)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

You sighed heavily as you looked at Bada and your team. You're extremely nervous since you were invited as a team to join Street Woman Fighter 2, the same competition your older sister joined as well. You were supposed to join with your sister at the first season but the both of you ultimately decided against it. As Monika said, people would only see you as her copycat which is completely understandable to you got her permission to join another dance crew so you can further improve and make a name for yourself, not just because you are Shin Y/N, Monika's little sister.

"You good babe?" Bada snapped you out of your trance and you nodded, smiling at her. You and Bada had been friends for the longest time and when you officially joined Bebe, the both of you got even closer then started dating. Monika has been amazing and supported your relationship with Bada. She's just glad that her baby sister is being loved and treated well.

"Yeah.. Just nervous about what the other people are gonna say." you told her and she gave your hand a squeeze to ease your nerves. You hugged each team member, your own way of saying good luck and to ease your anxiety. When it was go time, you put on your resting bitch face and walked out with your team to the fight zone to meet the other competitors.

The things other groups has said about your team is infuriating. You know some comments were made just for the sake of the competition but damn, they hit all the wrong nerves and it pissed you off. You expected the comments like "Monika's shadow" directed to you and you didn't really care but when they were disregarding your other team member's efforts by calling Bebe nothing if it wasn't for you and Bada, you really wanted to start a fight. That's just downright mean.

When everyone has already settled down, you could feel some stares directed at you. You couldn't really blame them since it's like you're a carbon copy of Monika though you'd like to believe that you're the goofier sister but then the both of you are goof balls when together so it's hard to tell.

"She really is Monika's shadow.. Look at her joining Street Woman Fighter as well.." you heard hushed comments like that which made your brows furrow. You're now itching to prove them wrong, that you're your own person and not just your sister's shadow.

Bada also heard the comments and just subtly held your hand, assuring you that everything's gonna be okay and you'll definitely crush everyone who thinks that you're a shadow of your sister, that you're just a cheaper version of Monika.

When it was time to reveal who got the most 'no respect' in each team, you got the most but instead of getting angry, you grinned. It's time to show them what you're really made off. Everyone changed to more dance appropriate outfits and went back to the fight zone. Bada went in first against Redy which secured the first win for your team. When it was finally your turn, you looked at Bada and then your sister, who gave you an encouraging nod. Even being Monika's sister won't save you from her harsh words. She's fair when it comes to judging and isn't scared to hurt you with the truth as long as it means you're going to improve yourself.

You had a battle with at least one representative from other competing teams and there were times that you lost but it didn't put out the burning determination you felt to show them who Shin Y/N really is. You danced like your life depended on it and when it was finally over, you rushed back to your team and Bada immediately wrapped you in a hug along with your team members who's very much proud of you. The other teams were stunned to say the least. They didn't expect you to be that good. You're versatile as a dancer and has that unwavering determination in your eyes and it was then silently agreed on by everyone who doubted you that you are indeed your own person, not just Monika's sister. You are a force to be reckoned with.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada x reader #swf2 #swf2 x reader

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kiitoskiitos · 3 months

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My copy of mutilation grindset arrived today. When I initially ordered, it was entirely because of the recent august comic and I knew nothing else of your work - I was simply moved, and suddenly I needed it.

I'm reading through the rest now, particularly the essay that begins with the Preciado quote and I'm so very grateful I've been able to read this, despite not expecting it. I hate gender - when it comes to me, personally, and my inability to align myself with it. I've always been trans, but not trans in the way I felt was expected of me, somehow incorrect. Always looking at trans people who seemed to be able to pick a side and fully commit to it, and cis people who never needed to, and finding myself wanting *that* surety but unable to take it.

I think I can be whatever I am, though. I think I'm going to stop searching for the labels that fit my gender, my sexuality, my everything.

You've helped me immensely on this random Thursday of no particular importance, slipping through my letterbox with the usual ads and flyers. I'm still a work in progress, but now I feel I actually know what I might be progressing towards.

Apologies if this is too personal for your ask box. Just know you've helped me, I don't need a response.

I'm very grateful, thank you.

this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a long while because i didn't know how to word how much it means to me. thank you so much for sending this! one thing that's really important to me is to change the idea of identity only being solid and secure when labeled.

tho the increasing popularity of "queer" as an identity is a sign of progress, having no label is still often misinterpreted as questioning or not discussed at all. it took me years to finally understand that feeling connected to labeling is a subjective and not objective experience, that i propably wouldn't ever find "the right one" since to me labels in themselves felt foreign. even though just like you, i have always and will always be trans. obviously i don't think everyone should be non-label, but i've actually been a bit surprised how rare gender abolitionist etc. thinking is among queer discussion. though maybe im not looking in the right places, or interpreting these very subjective and hard to word ideas wrong. but anyways, so glad to find someone who relates to some of these thoughts, this text is very touching :,,,3 sending love <3

my life has many times been altered for the better by queer people before me, so it's very meaningful for me to see myself now take my part in the chain of information and ideas. thank you again <3 going to prolly write more about labels and why we have this craving toward them, i think it relates to western thinking, assimilation obsession and medicalisation, at least.

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dearweirdme · 1 month

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you know I have always been one of the first in lines fighting to defend Tae from that rumor, I'm 100% positive that is mediaplay still but something shifted these days as in yes it was mediaplay but ultimately Tae did choose to take part in that paparazzi walk( albeit he didn't look happy at all I think I have reasons to believe that even if he was somehow coerced he probably was made to feel like he had some negotiation power too) and honestly I guess I felt more adamant to defend him bc i saw how much he tried to fight the tide and separate himself from all of that ( the wv live in the airport, these insta pic changes being the last example etc and seeing ppl disrespecting his agency and his right to state himself his own truth really pissed off me a lot ) but I started to think these last days what's the point in him doing all of that when he agreed to do that walk and he must know what would happen otherwise why did he even agreed, what is he even fighting himself doing little things to separate himself from being associated to this person when he will forever be associated,for the gp and fandom itself and as you said once this will be in the historial of his live forever? By doing all of that it's like he made us, the fans who cared for him and were paying attention to him fr want to defend him too and literally fight air because there is nothing to defend when he did that walk, when the purpose of that walk being met. I'm not saying he did any of that with the purpose of having fans fighting on his name at all, I don't think so but that's what happened, I guess I'm feeling disappointed these days bc i see no need for him to even fight against all of this when this issues reached the levels it did when he chose to do the walk. I'm also disappointed bc i think anything he might do that would have been considered brave and important about his identity before loses weight completely now, him smooching jk's cheek on the party and uploading it, him being bold etc bc no one but a small group of ppl considered delusional by everyone will see this for what it is. He can do a lot now only bc no one it's going to take him/it seriously.

I used to be pissed by Holland behavior that one time but I even kinda can get the frustration now. Tae is safe or at least has reduced the risk at a minimum now to do whatever bc everyone thinks he dates women. And some ppl be crowing him as an LGBT icon when some other idols have actually exposed themselves honestly to a lot more without any security plan to fall back into. And that actually feels like being brave and doing something. Not making everyone who supports you look like a delusional clown and make the thought of you being queer laughable to most ppl. Moonbyul being a pretty good example of someone who has been direct and brave.

Im sorry I really needed to vent, I have loved Tae for a lot of time ( not that i dont love him now but sometimes i cant shake the disappointment and the distaste of not being able to enjoy his content without seeing him being constantly related to ppl I don't like at all) and I'm open to anyone making me feel different about this situation

Hi anon!

Let me give you my perspective on this and maybe that will make you see things differently as well.

Tae is moving within certain boundaries. It is most likely that there are actual clauses in his contract that tell him what he can and cannot share publicly. That goes beyond plain saying that he is queer. That also goes for the level of queerness he can show through art and media. Basically I feel he is able to show queer media and art, but not adress it as such. Going beyond that would probably mean he’d be breaching his contract, which could lead to monetary penalties… and when it goes too far he could be kicked out of BTS (not that I think it would ever go that far). I think it’s possible that with this new contract, things have become more loose though. BH/Hybe doesn’t want to lose Tae, because he is one of the most popular members and losing any member would look bad. So I think there was some leverage there.

In my opinion it should not be underestimated how bad things still are for queer people in SK. Artists loose their careers over it stil. People like Holland are absolutely very brave and I hope within time there will be more and more like him. But you cannot compare one person’s choices with that of another’s. I think Tae possibly discovered his sexuality when he was already under contract with BH.. that would mean he had the choice to either hide, or to break his contract… leave BTS… and be left with a shitload of debt (because you don’t simply leave a contract). He would have no perspective of any career after that.. losing all his dreams and all chances of having any influence at all. It is an impossible choice maybe.. or maybe not.. I don’t know. Has he chosen to leave BH would his life have been easier, better? He would still have had to deal with severe homophobia. So I don’t think Tae had much options but to hide in the first case. It is not something he chose.. it was basically decided for him. Contracts are no fun anon, they basically chain them to the company in many many ways. I don’t think Tae ever had the option to be as open as Holland. And I think that is something he struggled with greatly. So if that walk was something he agreed to just because it would give him some more room to be authentic, I am absolutely not holding that against him. It doesn’t make him bad or whatever, it makes him someone who needs a bit of room to breathe.

In general I don’t feel Tae owes us much. Speaking for myself, I am here completely voluntarily and completely aware of forever being shit on by the rest of fandom. I’m of the opinion that both Tae and Jk aren’t actually fighting to be out and open.. so that probably makes my perspective on this different than yours. I think they’re just trying to live their lives and what we see of them is just stuff we pick up on.. because we pay attention. I always see myself as a bystander and not a participant in this. But.. that’s just me ofcourse.

So how did we end up here; Tae doing a walk with Jennie. Looking at it from a practical side, it was only one walk.. half an hour tops. If we assume he did agree to it and he wasn’t actually forced all the way, for him that was probably doable, and if he traded that for more freedom to be authentic.. to insert more queerness in his work (which is eventually what people will remember him by), then I think the trade probably looked worth it. Ultimately it wasn’t a fair choice ofcourse, because trading anything for freedom to be yourself is insane.. freedom should always be yours. But I do think the company possibly sold it that way.. and being used to having no freedom for years, maybe to Tae it did seem like a chance. It is ofcourse also possible they made him do this, but it’s not something I’m leaning towards personally.

It is not something Tae would’ve done/come up with himself. Tae didn’t go “yeah, I want to do a papwalk with Jennie for fame and attention”… people are right when they say he didn’t need that. He was not enthusiastic. And I think he was very over it all soon after.

The way I see it.. is that possibly Tae gave away a small part of himself to do something he felt is necessary in a broader way. His new mv is so important! To have such graphic display of queerness is so important! Especially from someone as famous as Tae. Imagine all the young queer fans he has seeing that! Tae knows what kind of influence he has. He has probably missed seeing representation like that himself when he was younger. I think this is what matters to him most and personally I just applaud him for that. Taennie will be nothing but a blimp on our radar in a few years, but his songs and mv’s… I think those will have an actual impact on many lives.

#Tae solo #i think i went all over with this #hope i made sense #not even sure if I responded to everything you said

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keishawantskisses · 1 year

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I accidentally spawned a missing item??

[Im still trying to figure out how🗿]

OK so last week on my way to college, I had gotten on the bus with my bus pass right. But as soon as I got off the bus, I checked to see if I had everything but noticed I couldn't find my card anywhere. So I suspected that I must have misplaced my card somewhere around the place I sat on the bus.

Obviously I was incredibly anxious about this and made a plan!

To visit the college reception to see if anyone had given the card in at the end of the day

[If first plan was unsuccessful] I'd then check the bus stations lost and found

Yeah well none of these worked😒 so from last week wensday to this week Monday I had to pay 2 pounds to college and 2 pounds back. But I was still extremely anxious about my card being missing.

[i dont go to college on thursdays or friday, only by choice]

But then I remembered a post saying something like "give your desires to the inner you, the 4D you. And it shall conform into the 3D. The when and how is a suprise" so I at least tried to visualise the 4D me with my card. [I think i did this during the weekend??] I didn't even affirm I was just like "so the 4d me already has what i want, so theres nothing to fear because ik its gonna conform here. The when and how is a suprise.."

This was until this week Monday, I had tried my plan out once more to see if anything had changed but that was a waste of time because as soon as I got back home, I went to my room to see my bus pass sat right in the middle of my ironed out pillow which I swear it was wrinkly when I left, which made me think that my mum must have bought me a new one but she didn't🤨..

Infact she knew about my missing bus pass because I told her last week. And as soon as I had gotten back home from college on Monday she asked me if I had found it yet, I told her the reception had nothing given in and the security people at the bus station will keep an eye out for my card, so I'll just have to visit them one last time.

I'm still tripped out about it and very confused to how it just.. appeared there.. I have NEVER spawned anything before so this really gave me a lot of idk faith in myself kinda? Ig this is my first success story too lol😭🫶🏾

#neville goddard #4d reality #master manifestor #loa #law of assumption #self concept #spawning items #successstories

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psykoz · 1 year

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ok so some things that have happened at my job

- coworker said the r slur in front of me, a few others, and one of the front end managers. manager says nothing to stop it and in fact jusf laughs and agree w the overall statement (halloween costumes looked [r-slur]ed). this is significantly worse as not only am i (not openly at work for fear but pretty obviously) autistic, but the field we are working in is specifically with seniors with a specific type of mental and intellectual disability

- person who hired and trained me and is an assistant, also higher position not a manager technically but on the management team, learns i dont celebrate xmas thru an email i willingly send, totally fine. but days later, unprompted and unrelated, she str8 up asks why i dont celebrate and i feel the need to reveal some inkling of religious beliefs which i really do not want to do

- literally wont tell me half of the things i need to do/not do until after i fucked up anr get reprimanded. they never told me what the callout policy was, until after i recieved a write up for breaking it. they didnt tell me a security feature for someone had been updated, until i almost messed up SECURITY and a coworker had to tell me it had been changed. theres more but pointing out every time would get tedious and repetitive

- already blamed me once for having "too many missed calls" despite every one of those missed calls having been before my start time or after i am meant to clock out, some even having come past midnight or before 6am when im still hours away from even needing to be getting ready to clock in, outright admitting that it was more likely because their phone system isnt patching back to the after hour line, or after hours people are just not picking up the phone. and still called me in for a full 8 hour "training" shift where i spent well over 75% of the day sitting, not working OR training and thinking abt how much shit i needed to get done in my personal life and how wasteful this was, because of something out of MY control when im not even fucking clocked in.

- my bosses have all been on at least one vacation in the 3 months ive been here. despite being called, verbatim, "the last line of defense" and being in charge of peoples lives, having to potentially de escalate an angry senior if i tell them they arent allowed outside, and having to be around people that are dying at least one person every week or 2, i get no benefits and no chance to even accrue vacation or sick time. i would have never accepted a job with not benefits or sick or leave if they had explained to me the full scope of the stressors i have dealt with. i know for a fact my ptsd has gotten more severe after this job and i went thru a traumatic experience that i wont talk abt bc it was out of the hands of my job tbf, they couldnt have stopped it from happening, but i have still been exposed to multiple deaths and one event ive been unable to stop thinking about and fearing. they have never suggested grief counseling is available to any employee

- sometimes they put up fliers for mandatory meetings/trainings without sending any text/email about it. this sucks for so many reasons. i just may not see them, i have multiple disorders that give me memory issues so having a reminder on my phone would be helpful, qnd the worst of all: they have put up fliers on a day i wasnt working for a mandatory meeting, on a day i wasnt working, and i did not have another shift until 2 days AFTER the meeting that i didnt even know happened bc they didnt bother to let me know despite me being physically unable to see fliers if im NOT THERE.

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xian-1502 · 3 months

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1/2: It’s all been ok lately. January started as anyone would expect, slow work, school starts, it’s all just so meh. The people in one of my classes have been extra atrocious lately against all understanding. Like just unnecessary rudeness or odd behavior that beats my expectations under any circumstance. Most recently i got undermined for no reason other than what i can assume was an attempt to slight me since we were doing a jeopardy game for extra credit and we discussed and agreed on an answer for a wager question . Then when our team went to answer they just said a different one with their whole chest and tanked our score disqualifying us for extra credit (from the game) to which like, what the fuck was the goal there even, we discussed and chose an answer as a team (in this context the answer i chose and argued for) and they just swap it up unprompted? I don’t know what kind of complex they were trying to idealize upon us with that stunt but they almost lost 5 other people a chance extra credit for what i can only guess is pride. Thankfully the professor gave us a mulligan in the form of some really simple questions that we just answer and email to her but i need that person to get hit by a stone for that cause what the actual hell. Outside of that it’s just been as school is. Attending, dreading and doing hw, having to do group work and knowing it spells unnecessary toil.

On another note, work has been ok, nothing super out of the blue (in the realm of outside of expectation of the retail experience) has happened. On the customer side at least, on the internal side it’s just been annoying as all hell lately because apparently we have a “mole”. Some apple products have been disappearing from the respective warehouse and security room and as a result we no longer have keys for our department and have to call over managers to unlock anything and everything that we used to be able to. Along with that they’ve been having extra leads from outside our store location visit and sort of orbit the sales zones as like “training”. But it’s very obvious they’re there to mean mug any employees out of trying to steal and it’s very apparent that one of them has strong suspicion of me(shocker). The way he’ll just stand and pretend he’s not looking at me like there’s no way he could be watching anyone else. But he may actually be more tolerable than the lady who’s trying to micromanage and get in everyone’s business. The amount of times she’s come out to me looking ecstatic to catch me not doing my job to just catch me in the middle of going from A-B is getting ridiculous and i’m getting annoyed that my managers except the one chill one are trying to downplay how these people are actively hindering all of us and making our jobs more unenjoyable than they already are. But we get by ig. What may be the straw that breaks a camels back is the bag checks. It’s allegedly store policy to check the bags of any employee leaving with a bag but they never do, and they didnt for a while and haven’t with the increasing theft and mole issue. Bag checks look like unzipping your bag and showing it to them while you still have it mind you. But unfortunately being a woman of color with a bag means you must be stealing so they stopped my friend and searched her bag?? like hands on her bag?? which is actually insane cause we have a this girl on geek squad who always leaves with a bag and has NEVER been stopped or hindered. Same for our white woman manager but go figure. I was talking to her about it next shift and we were both blown but as she put it, there’s no need to worry because “they WILL be dealt with” but ridiculous that i bore witness to that. Im more glad each day that i change and go out the opposite door so it’s never clocked that it’s an employee leaving because i know for certain that could’ve been me with the way they’ve been trying to catch me. Barring that it really has just be the usual, sales and appliance lifting.

Straying from those it’s the usual as well. I’ve been streaming my play through of judgement to my friend since he wants to see my reaction since he played it before me and a lot of the things he has set me up for have been ridiculous to say the least

but it’s fun regardless and it’s fun to share the experience since he’s helping me find things i would’ve missed on my own. I’ve also been catching up with older friends from my dance club who happen to be in the area and i’m looking forward to tipsy mini golfing (however that’s gonna work) soon. The weather has been insane lately so it’s not easy to get around or do stuff super consistently, case in point aforementioned flood by my brother’s school forcing detours as well as trees and branches breaking or falling. Also california drivers suck ass as it stands so adding rain (which they also struggle to fathom or deal with at all) just makes it accident central which is deeply unfortunate. Had an insane amount of near misses in the last week and a half despite driving 5 under the limit around other drivers. So that should put the driving conditions into perspective. Also making traffic ridiculous at hours that normally wouldn’t make sense (the storms but also the accidents) it’s been nothing yet though so kudos to that.

Introspectively i’ve been thinking a lot after getting chastised twice this month about being closed off and not contributing to the friendship which shocked me at first cause i was caught up on the not contributing part, but then after i thought about it a bit more i understood they meant, since initially i figured it was about what i do or offer to them as a friend which i was certain i could prove beyond shadow of doubt but it was about what i bring about myself. It upset me a little which i toke note of because after thinking about it meant that i it’s undeniable that i’m just avoiding sharing what i consider unimportant details about myself with people under the shallow excuse of assuming that people like their interests enough to be content with sharing them with someone who will listen and remember about them. Solidifying that the listener does care about them and what they are interested/invested in. Enough that the absence of input from the listener would go unnoticed, which has notably worked and been present in my life. But it’s at a point where i’m aware of it and it’s becoming impossible to ignore, which had me wonder what, outside of accounts of it working, led to this habit in my sociability. Where i don’t even wanna talk about myself to my friends. To which one of the more clear and laughably denied examples was when we used to have to walk to the laundromat to do our laundry for like 8 months back in 2015. i was 12 and topher was 4 and he was asking me why we had to do the laundry haul deal. It My aunt and mom were within the vicinity and earshot. Topher asks me if i like doing laundry, to which I imagined in my 12 year old mind was something that didn’t have a right answer so i just told him “no not really but it’s something i have to do” which neither of them were a fan of. My mom darted over to slap me with the force to make me stumble back and went off about how i needed to be grateful about having access to electric laundry machines as opposed to having to use a washboard and deal with that (i had used a washboard as a “learning experience” with my grandma prior). I was in a stunned silence so she hit me with a “hmm?!? am i talking to a wall” which snapped me back to reality (woah there goes gravity or something) and i apologized and had to state my recognition of how privileged i was to be able to walk to a laundromat mat. topher was very uncomfortable and didn’t ask a question about laundry again after that. following though, my aunt who didn’t act in the moment instead charged up her sass and hit me with it later by painting me as a privileged brat who spat in the face of their roots in hard work, over a relatively better scenario than their childhood. which was another bullet point on the remarks i would ever get from mouthy relatives when they ran out of actual conversation topics at the occasional get together. My only takeaway from that experience, with my 12 year old megabrain, (which isn’t really an entirely rational one at that i’ll note) was that sharing what i thought was beyond a shadow of a doubt not an option with my family if i want to avoid conflict or consequences because there are right answers and things people want to or would rather here. Which wasn’t helped by friends at the time because i translated that conclusion into my friends want to hear more things about stuff they like and etc therefore i cut back on what i do to show how good of a friend i am and how interesting i can be to talk to. Which is just proving a pattern of either negligence or self centering in the people i was around rather than actual evidence of how good of a friend i was since they did not care to hear about me at all. But regardless that moments stands out the most to me among the other blips on the radar of scanning why i hesitate with that in my interactions with people. It’s probably the most notable to me because i know it affected topher by proxy since he also learned from seeing how i reacted and what happened that he has to pick right answers and not be honest about himself and such.

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solardick · 3 months

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Oh you mean the rape fantasies they gave me for a covid inoculation the one where i get raped by a couple guys. Is great ol’fun. Mmaybe if this new age apocaalyptic, peace and love bs. Stoped raping my existance since my first memory id actually have a life. But no. I get fucked since the begining of time and there isnt even a lesson in it.

Fags are like women all they’re good for is causing you pain and suffering. The only difference is one is dellusion and ugly and the other is pretty and spychotic.

When have in the thiudands of tome where other oit themselves over me had it resulted in anything good? Never. Fuck off. And ket me die.

At least with woman the famtasy is healthy and proactive. And supportive. Where the toaster pligs inyo a wall and not a toilet. But im only on this earth for one reasin and thats to he property and used and shipped around and raped like since my first memiru. Nothing gas changed.

Accirding to reality. The hermit gas nothinv to do with wisdom. Its lonely and mesery. Tgere are no positive tarot cards. I dint get why they are popular. But hey

MYbe i can get dised worh done more anti-spychotics myself and be dised back into being a braindead retard afain.

I winder hiw far away from reality i can get where i dont lose my sanity. Its great fun being franed into sonething your not.

Alcohols hits harder during the day than the night. That one beer felt like three. I m going to start drinking. Hopefullyni womt get raped by my own spyche for a while more. And i need to remind myself to go get my hunting permit.

Inhope that girl isnt in love with me. If rather save the hardship. Im not worth it. Im not worth anything. Im just a marionette. I just do what they make me do. And look at how well that plays out. Maybe my life with have meaning after im gone. Thats usually the case with “artists”. no one cares. They just take your stuff after your gine and put a orice tag on iy

As for tarot as it stands after reading it. It’s complete trash. Take everyone of those “archetypes” and flip its gender. You’ll see a big difference. But none of that really matters. Its just a copy paste on what’s already on circulation. Ehats in circulation will have dominance or priority of way. Anyway.

And alm obtainable information on whatever that obscure. Isn’t trustworthy. If it makes sense good for you. There all little bodies of meaning. And for some as the person the pur led their being into and became immortalized as a result. Thry reach out and cover over what’s there.

Not mych difference between that and hearing old songs from the piblic radio stations being covered by the opposite gender. And it clicks, because its never in mind, it was meant to be that gender singing it the whole time. Take the song. So popularized as “creep.” Its even queerer than “we are the champions” or bohemian rhapsody or how ever its spelt…. Music? ….. uh.

My heart sinks a bit everytime a crowd of “heteros” from a sports team or something sings aloud. Ugh.

Ive been “studying” media all my life. Not much else to do. And by others intent. I hate this. Theyve been doing it to me long before they ever started trying. My brain is nothing but, brainwashing.

Guess im not allowed seeing the world as not a hostile place to be in. 30 years of one thing. And then you twist it and transfer it to another. Nope. Cant not be. The world is t a fucken circle. Jessus.

Nothing but negative venus, plenty of womanly men. Plenty of drug connections. And stupid bs. Plenty of violence and negativity. Still with the knowing smirks. Making all this affects during “my personal transits” replacing what my act would do for your own i tent i stea dof mine.

Its never going to end. Its all its ever been. Just stupid bs and violence.

And i dont understand why. One of the reasons i went to astrology. An dit gave me a bit of comfort and a bit of security. Everytime id look at somethign spychological my mother went put me down. It the inly way i can understand. It’s always been. I cant keep going anymore. Im breaking down. Again. How can someone live like this? There’s nothing there. At this magnitude? Why do you keep me alive?

And why sisnt you just kill me 30 years ago? Ive been wanting to doe for the last 25 years. And all upu do is abuse me.

Now what? What to do. The tv saps my energy. Maybe i should go back out to the bar. Its getting late.

Wheres the loving conversation? Oh, yeah ,right. Im not allowed to have any. Even though im all moon and saturn. Im not allowed having that responsibility. Bah breeding is for the imvompetant and the malvolent.

Well guessni aint breeding. And theres nothign else to accomplish that has any meaning or significance doen the line. Being alive is pointless. Its just a waste of time. Abusive time. Thtas all there is.

Now eccuse me i have to rety and get more than 4 hours of sleep and then go hang out woth a bunch of people that irritate and frustrate me with stupidity and violence. Or girly man crap. And me having no RnR from the consistency of the bs. Its always like that. There aint no rest for the abusive. I said you had a good singing voice. I dosnt say i wanted to listen to you sing female pop artist hits. Jesus. Wahts next you gonna start singing me britney spears, join a brothel and beat on men.

My sense are heightwned. Doibt im sleeping tomight. Oh well no work tomorow. Whoopy do.

Probably got driggrd with speed or something again. They like to drug me.

Hahahahha. Ywah ok.

Hey everyone. Theres this thing called astrology that lets anyone on thr planets to fuck woth yout life. Os fantastic. But if yiur not into that sort of thing you can go blow jesus.

Yay. Back to normal again. But venus transits comjng to a close in congruence to the unatural weather? +2? Frequent rain in january? Temperature drops 10°s. Happens. When ever the weather is fucked its with a “personal” transit. Been this way for the last few years that ive picked up.

Its like im so “collectivized” i control nature.

Hey look, i made a joke. Time for y’all to take it seriously. And cause me pain. And during that whole time y’all removed my latest sexual harrasser from being around me. I atarted global warning because i smoke ciggarettes. Sorry i took y’alls pure white loving christmas. Nows its a wet, green christmas. Where i dont need wearing a hacket until jahuary. Your welcome i destroy outdoor winter sports. Nature is ny obly social constant. Gice me more power. I want to cintrol the planet with my justice. Maybe i am developing into a nazi. Shitty life circumstances cause “hitler” to rape the environment right back. 7 fold. It says so in the bible. So i other words they dont want ke walking away from this girl. I dont know man…. But thays ok. They atent a venus figure abyway. Theur a pluonic mats figure. E

Where im given to the fantasy to “dominate”. Oouuu

Its all pickle and pineapples today…. Good fortune. And giving. Never mind it was just a freak 5 min period tgat just seens out if place. Good fortune?! Fuck iff.

Ok, ok. Everything is alright now. I see. And i want to be convinced. But i still ain’t. Still afraid. Or whatnot. Interference to others plans. Resistance And diligence and all that stuff. So even if whatever happens as i go through it. Then atleast ive kept what matters inside not to be bound to the effects. The next scene comes along.

I never got the whole trans thing. Kept bringing it back, like it bothered me. I may have experimented with underwear at one point. And you know what? A man thong can be pretty comfortable. In the sense that it keeps your balls up while feeling like you aint wearing nothing at all. And then you butt cheeks are frotting agaisnt your pants and not cuchoned from the sensation. Not very practical though.

And of course im always going to have a peace of cherry inside me. Love that persona. Not to crackpot bs she gave me. Thats too bad. Sometimes she reads right along with me. Its mine. I own it.

What i did love was find the purest most innocent part of you i saw. And i pulled on it. Your all demon on top. To the point of tattooing it on you. But naw. I went way back. To the beginning. Pieced it together with what i already knew. What little social wisdom i had to the opposite sex. And pleaded to it. Didnt care what games you played. Because i wasnt talking to that other you. And i didnt give much attention to anything you posted. Didnt care. I think your poetry is trash. You couldnt poet your way into any society.

Come now girl. You know you want to hit me. 😜

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bunnygirlheart · 2 years

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chrono trigger ...liveblog? i guess kinda? it was when i was doin the first part in alice’s message box at least cx

Major spoilers under here, play the game before you read this (and . please Do play it if you can, this game is great i do recommend it)

So I just kicked dalton’s ass, and he ran away, and then i saved at the thingy and it says ‘lavos beckons’ and i am Concerned.

ah, hm. mm. queenie’s makin a mistake, methinks.

This place is weird. Neat statues though?

Also Ayla can just pick dudes up and chuck em into the air to deal massive damage when they land?? hot girl shit

hm. this looks fine. nothing going wrong here folks

lmao the scouters keep trying to make my team sleep and it keeps missing but finally they targeted robo and somehow it worked. sleeby robot

dalton stop being extra and just look me in the face when you talk to me pls,, Ah. Well, you did turn around at least, but only to be More dramatic. Also, hiding behind your toys, cmon man,

lmao cheese strats. I equipped the mail and vest for lightning and im only using lightning moves. Copycat is very exploitable,, Poor frog though, got toasted :((

...well. Hello to you too, Lavos. And guest. Ah, magus, of course of course.

oh nooo it didnt work :((

h. holy shit. Crono just got dusted. alright.

oh man, the whole place is falling outta the sky..

...I gotta load a save so I can see everyone’s response to all this. Especially Lucca,, Holy wow.

ah,,

‘’please don’t hate mother, or our kingdom’‘ wow big ask much? Mm.. I can excuse invoking calamity but I draw the line at mistreating your children

oh ouch. luccaaaaa 💔

what an ass haha. oh hell yes lucca just deflected his fireball that was sick!!! ... ah. well it was still sick.

Ooh~ the blackbird. Fools didn’t secure the vents hehehe

This was a neat area. Uh. Golem Boss was kinda sad. Poor dude couldnt even focus up here on the wing. I sorta feel bad

Hm,, Aero-dalton.. this guy is Terrible at naming things huh?

Oh damn they literally just jumped onto. alright. cool cool cool. no fear of heights in this party. Welp, Dalton was once again not a challenge. Rip birdie lmao good job everyone, nice buttons

oh!! this is the . heck nah i wont fight you lets goooo

oh i like that its frog that gets to make this call though lucca was at the front of my party but it put him in front for this scene, ‘cause he has personal reasons to fight magus?

aaaa precious, reunited,,

...

yknow, this thing looming over everything in every time period is mighty unsettling

lmao i see i see thats why this part’s called The Time Egg. time egg time egg time egg

oooh death peak!! was wondering when that would come up again. Makes sense it’d be now,,,,

heck. Magus wrecks everything huh? I mean, appropriate. The dude certainly kicked My ass back when I fought him haha

... gdi. robo got confused or w/e and attacked the wrong thing randomly, which triggered lavos spawn needle and wiped everyone out. thats kinda unfair. Ah well. A minor setback I guess.

egg time

okay that was a sick rescue actually. cant believe that creepy clone doll from the fair actually came in handy lmao

this is a nice shot ^

...sorry im just laughing at magus standing there all awkwardly at this heartwarming reunion

Anywayyyy now that that’s done I went to check out the . desert cave?? and wow is it irritating. Not that the enemies are that tough -- magus’ ice destroys em well enough, but uh. the ground, really hate that.

Took a few tries ouch, but I managed to down retinite. Cool boss. first couple attempts i didnt realize taking out the core first was a Mistake oopsie

yessss robo tending to the forest!! thats so sweet. This is great!

lovely celebratory camp. Cozy. fascinating discussion. ah, hm. a time lucca would go back to, huh? ...

wow she changed huh? ... what’s with the sound effects,, loud gate.

holy Shit that was stressful i totally didnt reload a few times to manage it

worth the trouble 💜 good job lucca youre amazing! aww robo’s gift for her, that’s so sweet as well

im ... almost done i think?? like, isnt this just a ‘‘wrap up sidequests prepare and go fight the big bad’‘ moment? Seems like. guess i know what im doin tomorrow. referring back to that list of sidequests time grandpa gave me and then ... big fire. I really should get some rest now, though. So the rest of that will wait.

#bee plays chrono trigger #only gonna be one or two more posts but i wanna be able to find these maybe #wowie i really did stay up too late #whoops >.< oh well i was having fun

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intervoids · 2 years

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highlights from the last post:

putting your hands over you face like the first intense, instinctual, instant effort to push your self out of this world your living (face representative of the self, even magically, innately)

i really do feel wretched. like really worthless. it feels like everything i love will always be out if reach. too expensive, too time intensive, too hard. thats easy enough to try to overcome one day and i still have hope.

but its me really, i feel like i have nothing good, like i am so difficult to love. like people who love me dont see me, and no one ever will. it makes you feel like youll never see yourself. the fire, the brutal wording, the simple wandering into windswept fields or vacant streets. i hold to these and i feel them and love them and even feel like these are so good to my soul its like im feeling love. thats easy and so i feel secure in them and i dont need to feel seen, honestly, i dont think at least

but its when i meet someone and we get to know each other, i want to tell them nothing and ive started doing this and it puts people off. how can i tell them anything about me. i am a wretch, i am like pus leaking off some infected skin. i dont deserve anything but to die. i dont deserve even to suffer. i have suffered extreme pain and it was so much better than i deserve. i burned myself once and it really was excruciating. i but a balled up shirt and screamed into it. the tears were almost impossible to notice and i remember going back for a second and third round with a burning red hot knife to finish the design. then to the following weeks. scraping the yellow tissue off every few days to keep the wound clean. that was more excruciating pain. and the bandages i kept clean. and all of it kept secret. it was too embarrassing, too utterly stupid and something i knew would freak some people out. i showed one person at a party, they were fun to talk to and taking pity on me for something else and i told them how sad i was. i showed them the nearly healed wound and pictures from when it was fresh and i thought theyd think it was cool. like i had earned something with the suffering. id forgotten about it and wed been friends for a long time. years later theyd tell me that they thought it was extremely sad that i did it. which after those years made a lot more sense.

i remember at that time it felt like that was the only thing worth telling someone about myself. even back then i had nothing, i had media, books and tv and essays and games and everything. but i keep and always kept to jokes and charm and stuff. which is good, i mean the worst stuff comes out when i talk about myself. its like all i am is some worthless fool going through life trying not to stab myself to death and all the while im just laughing and clapping my hands at whatevers the most entertaining or listening dickishly to whatever i like to learn about.

i guess getting carried away in music is the best of life along with being calm on a beach. then i moved further inland and never learned an instrument. i am nothing again. nothing but some observer and an unpleasant person.

writing missives in the dark on what a bitch i am

fuck this gay earth. fuck this earth. fucj this. being gay is one of the greatest things on earth and its like dangerous as hell. one of the greatest statesman of andalusia murdered because he was a jew. and his son murdered and his wife. because of nothing. harvey milk killed because he was gay. his killer facing minimal jail time and repenting all the while. cant even hate the man, he changed and grew and died quickly and then thousands of gay people died quickly and nothing. for what? nothing. for what? nothing.

#dumb dumb

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bl00dgutsgl0ry · 3 years

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Rivalry Put To Rest

Pairing - Zhongli x Fem!Reader

Warnings - Arranged marriages (non of that under age like child marriages though fuck that yuck, these are obviously of age adults i just really wanna make that clear jesus), praise kink, modern AU, just lovely soft sex with my favorite man :'^).

Word Count - 2.4k

Other Comments - Dude it’s been so long since ive actually written anything im so sorry. But i couldn't resist writing this. I know i promised xiao but he will come in time. This is a little bit of a slow burn, or at least the sex doesnt start right away lol i want this to be nice and soft. P.s. youre on birth control so dont worry about no condom lol.

You did not like this idea. Why your parents were still forcing you into this was beyond you seeing as how you were a fully grown ass adult. You just couldn’t stomach the disappointment you would be seen as in their eyes. You were the daughter to the CEO of one of the most well known Law Firms in Teyvat. Zhongli was the son of another CEO who controlled your Rival company. Yours's and his parents wanted to finally settle the bad blood between the firms by having the two of you get married. You knew damn well the benefits of doing this was, god forbid if your Fathers firm went underwater, you would still be secure with Zhongli as your husband.

It’s not that you didn’t like Zhongli, and he certainly was not ugly; you just couldn’t stand your freedom to choose who you really wanted to marry being ripped from you. It was non negotiable though, so you had to go through with it. Zhongli didn’t seem to mind at all, he thoroughly enjoyed his very brief moments he had with you before, and was frankly excited to get more of those moments. He just hoped you didn’t resent him or blame him for this.

You both of course had an extravagant wedding, why would you not when your family was one of the wealthiest in Teyvat. You were grateful to your parents for letting you invite a few of your friends, and it seemed Zhongli had done the same. There was almost like a crowd formed around you two at the after party, you talking to your friends, and him with his. Zhongli had offered you his arm to hold onto, but you politely declined, feeling that even just holding his arm was too intimate for you.

“Already trouble in paradise for the two lovebirds?” One of Zhongli’s friends had chuckled, a red head with a stupidly smug smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as you shot a look at him. Your friend Ningguang frowned, turning to look at your now husband.

“Control your dog, Mr. Zhongli.” You let out a chuckle, when you heard Zhongli’s friend scoff.

After a while, it was customary for the newlyweds to go on their honeymoon; so after a couple of hours you had to bid farewell to your friends and family. You approached the jet the two of you would be taking, with Zhongli carrying the luggage not far behind. You went ahead and boarded, while your new husband spoke with the pilot and the crew, sighing to yourself.

“Come on (y/n) suck it up, this honeymoon will be over sooner than you know it.” You mumbled to yourself, settling into the high class jet.

“Did you say something (y/n)?” You jumped, not expecting to hear Zhongli’s voice. “Ah.. My apologies, I did not mean to startle you.” You sighed and shook your head, waiving your hand to dismiss the apology.

“You’re fine Zhongli, I’m just… Nervous is all.” He hummed in response, nodding as he settled himself into the jet.

“I understand (y/n), I really do apologize about this being thrusted into your lap. I know this isn’t the ideal circumstances for a young woman to go through.” You nodded, glad that he understood your hesitance to the situation. Zhongli really wasn’t a bad guy.

“It’s really not your fault Zhongli, I understand you probably had no more say in it than I.” You gave him a reassuring smile, the first genuine smile to grace his line of sight. Without noticing he found himself smiling back, relieved that you didn’t see him with any contempt. A comfortable silence settled, as the jet took off towards your destination.

It wasn’t a long flight, and along the way you were able to make small talk, slowly learning more about Zhongli. After two short hours, you felt the jet jump slightly against the ground before steadying itself on the runway. After a few more moments, you both departed, Zhongli once again handling the luggage, leaving your side to retrieve it.

Before you knew it, you were at the house you would be staying at for your honeymoon. It sat on a beautiful beach side shore, with a large open patio looking out over the ocean. By the time you guys had arrived it was already around 10:00 o’clock at night, so the crescent moon was high in the sky as you both stepped out onto the patio. The moon and stars gleamed against the inky black water, with the rhythmic beating of the waves lulling you both into a comfortable silence. You stood next to your husband and finally for the first time that night, actually took in his face.

The light of the scenery exposed the beauty Zhongli held in his face, the pale light bouncing off his cheekbones and illuminating his golden irises as he looked out over the sea. He must’ve felt you staring because moments later those golden eyes were locked on yours.

“Do you like the scenery (y/n)?” You gave a quick nod before ducking away from his gaze, a red flush rising to your face. You heard him chuckle for a moment before shifting.

“I know what is customary to happen on our honeymoon, and I do not want you to feel pressured to fulfill that part of our relationship.” You flushed even more as you suddenly found the pattern of the wood to be very interesting. You had completely forgot that sex was usually something people did on honeymoons. It seemed normal, because generally the people who get married have had a relationship before this so nothing felt awkward about the topic. Obviously that wasn't the case in this situation, but there was something in you that kind of wanted to. Something in you that felt comfortable enough with him to do it, you already trusted him which shocked you. What if he wasn’t though? What if he was uncomfortable with the thought of having sex with you right now which is why he brought it up so suddenly?

“Thank you Zhongli, you’re too kind. You’ve truly been so understanding through this entire thing.” You looked back up to him finally, and found a gentle smile on his face. He nodded and hummed before turning back to the house.

“We should probably get to bed, it’s already fairly late.” You nodded, pulling out your phone to check the time. You both walked about into the house together. “There is another room down the hall from the master bedroom if you don’t want to sleep in the same bed. It’s smaller so I could always take it.” There he goes, being considerate and kind; handling your thoughts and feelings like glass that would break any second. You remained silent for a moment contemplating on what he had said, before gently shaking your head.

“No, no, it’s fine. I want to share the bed with you.” You smiled up at him, and he looked almost surprised with your willingness, but the shock didn’t last for long before he smiled back at you and nodded; offering you his arm to hold on to, which you shakily took. You both reached the bedroom, where he had placed all of your guy's luggage before letting you go to retrieve your sleeping clothes as he did the same. You went into the bathroom, to give yourself and him some privacy before slowly re-entering. Zhongli was in a pair of brown silk pants with golden accents and a black short sleeve shirt. Your eyes met each other, and Zhongli smiled when he saw you.

“I know that these were unideal circumstances to get married, but I’m happy it is you who is my spouse. I can only hope you think the same of me, and that at some point you can genuinely feel connected to me.” You blushed as he said this, genuinely taken aback by the sincerity in his voice. You feel bad for dreading and almost resenting Zhongli when you were first notified about the engagement, once finding out just how compassionate and caring the man before you was. Slowly, the two of you made your way into the large king sized bed. There was a large gap between the two of you, large enough to comfortably fit another person. Your mind raced a mile a minute trying to decide whether or not you should scoot in a little closer to the man next to you.

And so you did, without taking another moment to think about it you shifted closer to Zhongli until your side gently pressed against his. You felt Zhongli stiffen beside you for a brief moment, and for a split second you regretted scooting in; that was until you felt him roll over onto his side and wrap a strong arm around your torso. You could really take in Zhongli’s scent like this and you noticed that he smelled like amber rum, chestnuts, and a hint of vanilla. It wrapped you in a warmth that lulled you into a comforting silence as the two of you laid together like this.

You rolled onto your side, letting Zhongli’s arm now rest against your waist. Your noses were almost touching as the two of you stared into each other's eyes. You saw his eyes dart down to your lips for the briefest of seconds, letting yourself do the same.

“Zhongli…” Your voice was barely above a whisper. “Can I kiss you?” You saw Zhongli’s eyes widen as his gorgeous eyes met yours, not expecting you to ask him that.

“I would love nothing more… Darling.” You flushed at the mild pet name, before softly placing your lips onto his. It felt as time skidded to a halt, as the two of you moved against each other with the grace of a slow dance. Soon enough it became heated, as you changed positions and straddled his hips. You could feel his boner pressing against you through his pants, and it made warmth bloom in your chest.

“You really want to do this right? You don’t feel pressured my dear?” You smiled at Zhongli’s questions, nodding before he could get another one out. It felt good to be so concerned about, so doted over.

“Yes Zhongli, I really want to do this with you. I trust you.” This time it was Zhongli’s turn to flush, an elegant smile gracing his lips. Before long, the both of you were out of your sleeping clothes and back on top of one another. Your back was to the silken bed sheets, as Zhongli was on top of you lining his hard cock up with your eager pussy. Zhongli gave you one last look before slowly entering you inch by inch. To say he was huge would be an understatement, so he knew he had to take it slow with you so as to not hurt you in any way. Zhongli needed this to be a good experience with you, he would never forgive himself if he hurt you or made this unenjoyable in any way at all.

The noises you were making and the way your hands were clawing at his back reassured him that he was doing everything right so far, always stopping after pushing in a few inches to give you time to adjust. Without thinking, Zhongli's mouth just started moving as words spilled out.

“You’re doing so good for me my angel, you’re taking me so well. You’re too good for me.” With the praise spilling out of Zhongli’s mouth, you couldn’t help but unleash a flurry of loud moans, as he bottomed out. He stood still for a couple moments, making sure you were nice and comfortable, until he felt you trying to move against him; trying to get him to move in and out of you.

“If you were ready for me to move, all you needed to do was ask my gem.” You let out a whine like moan, that evolved into a guttural groan when he finally started to thrust in and out of you. Your nails raked across his skin, surely leaving marks for you to admire after this was all said and done. He wasn’t skipping out on the marks either, as he sucked and bit at your skin, still throwing out praise every time his mouth left your skin. His fingers dug into your hips, as he sped up. He just couldn’t help himself, your wet quivering pussy just felt way too good wrapped around him; sucking him in every time he pulled out.

“I can’t believe it took us getting into an arranged marriage to finally meet, my god where have you been all my life.” Zhongli had begun to groan, obviously getting close to tipping over the edge, with the way his thrusts continued to get sloppier every so often. You moaned in response, too blissed out of your mind to form actual words. Zhongli’s head fell against your shoulder, his ebony black hair hanging off his shoulders.

With a few more strokes, Zhongli had both of you tumbling over the edge and cumming in unison. All that could be heard in your room was the quiet crashing of waves and the combined panting of the both of you. After a few moments of Zhongli getting his breath back he tumbled down next to you, sweaty shoulders touching. A couple seconds of silence passed before you spoke up in a raspy broken voice.

“It took us so long because I’m technically your rival.” You were giggling slightly, when Zhongli let out a loud chuckle.

“I guess you are right my dear, but now we are joined together. And I cannot wait to see what comes of our joining.”

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin zhongli #genshin impact zhongli #zhongli #genshin imagine #genshin impact imagine #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli imagine #zhongli x reader #zhongli smut

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loreculus · 3 years

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genshin impact boys taking care of you when you're sick (genshin impact x gn!reader)

characters: xiao, albedo, diluc, kaeya, childe

xiao:

xiao isn't the most affectionate person; but, when he sees you lying in bed, eyes closed from the weight of fatigue, he just can't help but be the most attentive, loving person in the world.

he doesn't say much, but the yaksha would keep the glass of water on your nightstand full, set timers for your medicine, and regularly change the cloth resting on your forehead to keep it and your body cool.

you tend to sleep a lot while sick, consequently making you unable to relish in xiao's uncharacteristic pampering and attention.

however, you being unconscious for almost the whole time does make xiao more comfortable with being more affectionate.

he does not hold your hand or press his forehead to yours. instead, he opts for sitting in a chair a foot away from your bed, far away enough to give you space and close enough to keep his eyes trained on you.

he watches for any signs of improvement, discomfort, movement -- anything really. he's such a loving, caring boy. protect him at all costs because he does the same for you.

albedo:

being an alchemist, albedo knows how to pay attention to the little details and cater to each one.

you have a headache? he knows the cure. you have a fever that you can't shake? he has a medicine for that. you're hungry but have a loss of appetite? he's got the perfect recipe for you.

the man just knows everything -- well, almost everything. despite having great knowledge about how to treat an illness, he's never been quite sure how to treat you while sick. should he hold your hand? should he make you laugh or let you sleep?

although albedo's brain does not know exactly what to do in such situations, his heart most certainly does; so, when it comes to those sorts of things, he lets his latter organ take control.

his brain may tell him to not let you have ice cream with a sore throat as the sugar may irritate your already inflamed throat, but his heart makes him let you have it anyways -- that look of bliss on your face makes him think that perhaps the science lied. perhaps the sweet treat actually helped more than it hurt.

diluc:

diluc takes time off of work and will even cease his nighttime escapades as the darknight hero to see to your care. sure, he has tons of employees that he could task with caring for you, but the vinter wanted to do it himself.

"i know you can look after them, adelinde, i would just like to tend to them myself. quality control, we can call it."

when you fall ill you're normally cold, very cold. so much so that your body breaks into cold sweats and you shiver fiercely, needing an absurd amount of blankets to keep you content.

fortunately for you, diluc is like a walking furnace, and he gladly wraps himself around you for the sake of your warmth.

he rests your face in the crook of his neck, his arms twist around your back, holding you to him. you adore the heat he brings and you soak up the comfort of this position while you have it. in an attempt to get closer to diluc than you already are, you press your hands into his chest as he makes soothing, loving circles on your back with his heated hands.

kaeya:

kaeya will act full on silly while your sick to see you smile despite being ill -- he'll literally stop at nothing.

he slips himself besides you in bed, wrapping his strong arms around you while telling you all about his day, making sure to exaggerate the little details and gossip as much as humanly possible. he'll also bring little items he found during his day and bring them to you.

"i ran into jean today and she gave me this...thing...to put into secure storage. so, i just has to take it home to you. apparently it's called a harpastum and klee blew up a new fishing dock this morning with it."

"bring it back? what, do you think im gonna get in trouble? have you seen me? i can charm my way out of any situation thank you very much."

the calvary captain knows that you also need your rest and ensures that proper rest is exactly what you receive; but, he also finds that laughter tends to be the best medicine when it comes to you. luckily for him, his boyish smile and childish humor never failed to make you chuckle.

childe:

childe immediately cancels all of his work plans -- at least, he tries to. eventually, he gets called away on official business for the tsaritsa that he can not wiggle his way out of and is forced to leave your side.

"at present, master childe, you're the only harbinger in liyue."

he finishes his duties as soon as possible though; he doesn't go looking for fights or spend time on frivolous conversations with his subordinates like usual. the only thing on his mind is you and your health, so he is in and out.

when he is with you he will constantly be touching you. whether he has his hand on your forehead, his fingers laced with your own, or his entire body pressed up against yours, childe intends to attach himself to you until you recovered.

"childe, go away."

"hush, i'm sticking to you like glue whether you like it or not."

"but i'm going to make you sick!"

"i hope you will! then i won't have to work."

he also tries to cook for you, although his culinary skills are not...the greatest. so, after failing to whip up an edible radish soup, childe just buys the two of you your favorite dishes from the wanmin restaurant. he doesn't care about the cost, so long as it makes you happy and feel a little better.

deep pockets, amirite.

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chocominnie · 3 years

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One Last Time — 05

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Previous : 00 01 02

⇢ Word Count : 3k

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

The scent of vanilla with a hint of cinnamon is what wakes you up from your sleep. Hair and body tangled in-between the blankets, which lets you know you you had tossed and turned once again. The frizzball on your head is definitely going to be a challenge to work with. Stretching your limbs, you let out a small yawn only for your hands to drop back down and feel nothing but cold emptiness.

Was it a dream? Dream? You didn’t even have one of your night terrors for the first time in a year. The dream to you seemed rather pleasent. Jimin tangled up in your arms as he holds you tight while you breathe into his bare chest. The warmness is something you had longed for once again and it all felt surreal.

‘‘ You awake yet?’‘

The voice startles you, making you drop your phone onto the comforter and turn your head towards the bedroom door where it came from. His blonde hair and small smile peep through the door, hoping to atleast get a better reaction out of you.

So it is real.

“ You’re really here? Did I bump my head too hard to where im imagining things?” You pull the covers close to you for security. Just as in your dream, there he is barechest and all.

He lets out a squeaky laugh followed by a smile as he comes towards your bed, tapping them to give you a signal to open. You raise an eyebrow but oblige, spreading them a bit only for him to sit inbetween them. It feels as if you’re heart might explode with the sudden flirtacious moves from him. Something you have been wanting but still aren’t used to.

‘‘ You slept so good that you don’t remember last night?”

You look at him eyes wide and then down to your body, “ Please tell me we didn’t-’’

‘‘ As much as I would of love to, No.’‘

A shot of relief flows through you but sadness soon comes over. He isn’t yours to be thinking these sorts of things. He isn’t yours in general. It wouldn’t be right for him to say things like that to you, while still entangled with another female.

‘‘ Why so sad?” His hands comes to your face to caress your cheeks. You shake your head softly then grab his hand to slowly lower it back down.

Jimin sighs, “ Baby just tell me whats wrong.’’

That word. That word you know always messes things up with your thoughts. Your emotions, hell everything in your body too.

You slowly make your way off of the bed, not interested in the conversation anymore. It’s not like you don’t want to continue, you do, but the guilt of everything that comes with it is enough to stir you away.

‘‘ Jimin don’t use that word. You technically still belong to Isabel.”

‘‘ Is she here at this very moment?” He cocks his head to the side with a smirk. You roll your eyes in response to his cockiness.

‘‘ No. That doesn’t change the fa-”

‘‘ Alright then. Now are you going to tell me what’s really on your mind or do I have to force it out?” He raises his hands and scrunches them with grabby motions. You don’t fall for it though.

You make your way to the doorway, “ That’s all Jimin. I promise. Just call me by my real name okay?’’

But that’s not what you want. What you want you know you can’t have. It’s not because you can’t have it because you want too. It’s just that it would make you feel like a terrible, horrible person. The look on his face when you say those words almost make you give in. Those puppy eyes caught yours and for a split second you almost consider it but don’t. It’s hard for you, it really is. Having something dangling in your face but you’re too concious to have it.

He’s still not yours.

With the morning being spent eating a good breakfast Jimin made your favorite pancakes. You watched him carefully, the way his hair bobbed up and down a bit while his right arm whisked the batter quickly. He seemed so natural and comfortable as if he was used to doing this for you. With your elbows on the island counter and head in your hands while you’re seated, you can’t help yourself to stare at the back of him and let the memories float in your mind.

Memories that never fade from you. It’s cute of him to steal glances of you here and there when pouring the batter into the pan. The small winks he gives you makes your heart flutter and the blood rush to your cheeks. It feels rather good to you to have his presence here. Despite the guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The rest of the day you two decide to lounge around. Endless movies and tv shows throughout the day as you’re cuddled up next to him with a pink colored blanket for the two of you to share. Clara seems to enjoy her time with him too since she won’t let him put her down. She meows loudly with every movement of him. Such a drama queen.

‘‘ Jimin it’s getting late..” You pause, looking up at him. He gives you a small frown when he sits up in hopes you won’t finish your sentence. “ She might begin to worry you’re not home yet.”

Jimin ignores your comment only to latch onto your body a little more rougher, arms not wanting to let go. You giggle before running your fingers through his hair as his head lays softly onto your chest. You wan’t him to leave mentally, but your body wants to hold on to him for way much longer.

‘‘ Your heartbeat is soothing to me.”

It always has been. Anytime he just wanted to talk when you were in a relationship, he would lay you down and then lay himself on you with his ear pressed against your chest. Some days he would have been happy to talk, others, he just wanted to lay there to fall asleep.

‘‘ Seriously Jimin. You should leave.”

He shakes his head, ‘’ Shhh. Jungkook is coming soon and I would love to sit here and have you to myself.’’

You raise an eyebrow is confusion, “ Why is he coming here?’’

‘‘ I kind of sort of lost my keys to my home. Isabel came yesterday to give the copy’s she went and made when we were at Ryan’s office. I left the house key with Jungkook while going after you instead of putting it on my keychain right away.”

So that explains why she came. It also would of been better to have touch pad, or even facial recognition to enter the home. Anyone can just copy the key to your home. The fans are already crazy enough after that time you two saw one trying to follow you into your used-to-be shared apartment. It didn’t end so well either.

“ Why don’t you have touch-pad?” You say, sitting up with a disappointed look.

‘‘ Funny story. When the house was made I thought keys would be better than touch-pad on the outside because any paparazzi who manages to get through the front could snap pictures of the code. So why not use a key right?’‘

You just sigh and shake your head in disappointment, not even wanting to explain why that would still be a dumb idea. “ Whatever makes you happy.”

‘‘ But if you were there you would of stopped me.. right?”

Your eyes shoot down to him only to see him staring right back up into yours. The butterflies in your stomach begin to flutter once more. It’s been so long since you felt those.

‘‘ Yes. Yes I would have told you it was a dumb option because nobody can make it past security without calling you first.’‘ You whisper, both of your faces inches away from each other.

‘‘ I thought so. Can I make another dumb suggestion?’‘ His voice says, faint enough for you to hear making the hairs stick up on your neck.

You swallow slowly as chills run down your spine out of anxiety, ‘‘ What?’‘

‘‘ This.’‘

It all feels surreal to you. His lips against yours moving in sync together it’s all just surreal. Within seconds his tongue is swiping against your lips begging for entrance in which you comply. The way his hands rub up and down your thighs is sure to make you moan against the kiss, grabbing them to lead it to your core. He obliges and traces the outline of it outside of your clothing, laying you down gently on the couch in the process.

Until that painful doorbell rings loudly causing you both to groan. Jimin pulls away with a plop noise and give you a wink before lifting off of you to go see who is at the door. Your clothes are ruffled up a bit and that small wet spot between your legs seems to not too noticeable when you fix yourself up quickly.

Sex with Jimin. You almost had sex with Jimin. You feel wrong about it but at the same time you want nothing more to have him make you a screaming moaning mess. You miss him, the way his stroke game is, and everything about him dominating you in the bedroom.

He’s still not yours though.

‘‘ Who is it?’‘

You sit up and fix your hair to at-least look presentable. That kiss meant everything to you. Your feelings and body enjoyed it but your mind did not. It slipped your mind that you should of pulled away. Nothing can replace how it felt to have his lips on yours again.

The door opens revealing Jungkook who’s face is a little red and breathing hard. He runs inside and shoves Jimin out the way before slamming the door shut and locking it with his back against the wall. You furrow your eyebrows and get up from the spot you’re sitting in.

‘‘ Jungkook what’s happening? Why are you run-”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

‘‘ Open the door now! I know you guys are in there! Jimin get your ass out here now!’’

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Your eyes go wide. That voice. That oh so familiar voice is standing right outside your apartment door.

‘‘ I tried telling her you went to practice with Seokjin for some new choreography but she knew I lied. Im sorry I tried to run as fast as I could to my car to get away from her. She followed me here in her car and then I had to run some more up to your apartment.’‘ He breathes hard, handing the new set of keys to Jimin.

Shit! You have no words to say. This wouldn’t of all started if you wouldn’t have been so stubborn yesterday to just take a taxi. You wouldn’t of passed out, he wouldn’t have been here with you all day today.

That doesn’t excuse the fact that this girl is batshit crazy for following Jungkook and showing up at your actual fucking apartment. Jimin looks at you with sorriness in his eyes. You look at him with anger and cross your arms to prove your point as to why he should have left in the first place.

‘‘ Im going outside to talk to her. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

Jimin’s hand pushes down the handle to the door and as soon as he cracks it open, the force of the door pushes open harshly hitting the wall next to it, making him stumble back a little.

‘‘ So you think it is okay to go to your exes apartment? I would never disrespect you like that Jimin, you know that!” Rage has taken upon her, face red and it doesn’t already help that her facial expression is beyond pissed.

Slap!

You watch in horror as her hand connects with his left cheek. Jungkook’s eyes go wide, but then frown into anger before walking over to her. Stomping with each step he takes.

“ Watch what your fucking doing okay? That’s my brother and I certainly do not hit girls but with one click of a button Ryan will be on her way to beat your ass got it?’’

‘‘ Jungkook stay out of this! This isn’t your battle. Now you, you have some nerve letting him inside here. Obviously you were not enough for him to go cheating on you.” Isabel says, stepping away from Jimin and leaving him there at the door.

That one hurt. She does have a point though, you should of made Jimin leave regardless of what he said to you. You got caught up in the moments that weren’t meant to be yours. Its true, she has every right to be mad.

‘‘ I don’t appreciate you being around Jimin..” She inches closer to you, hands on her hips. You begin to back up, eyes to the ground of guilt. If only things wouldn’t have unfolded like this.

‘‘ Your relationship to him is starting to be inapropriate.” Isabel’s eyes make contact with yours when you look up. She looks at you as if you’re disgusting, and you can’t blame her.

‘‘ Isabel..’‘ Jimin warns, coming behind her.

On the heel of her feet, she turns around shaking her head. “You don’t deserve to talk. You care so much about her, but did you forget we are a couple? We may just be cooling things off between us, but you are still mine as I am to you.’‘

Jimin sighs, stopping just behind her, ‘‘ Isabel look..”

“ Jimin..” Jungkook starts, uneasy of what his brother is to say next. You know what’s coming and you know that tone of Jimin’s voice all too well.

The same one he used when breaking up with you. You see the tears well in her eyes. Some part of you feels bad for her because you know those words well. You know that feeling all too good.

‘‘ Are you really breaking up with me because of her? We were doing just fine until she showed back up in the picture. Are you seriously doing this?” Her voice cracks on the last words. That made your heart sting a bit. This isn’t right.

Jimin sighs looking at the two of you back and forth. You are the one for him, it’s no doubt. It was a stupid choice for him to cheat on you. It was a stupid choice for him to leave you in the dust like that. You gave him everything. A loving relationship, a home, happiness, you are the highlight of his days. He misses you just as much as you miss him.

“ Isabel we are through. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the man to your expectations. It’s my fault. All my fault and I shouldn’t have let you belie-”

“ Fuck you. Fuck you Park Jimin.” Her words slice through the air, piercing Jimin right in his heart. It hurt for him to hear that, but he deserves it.

Jungkook doesn’t look so shocked, but he does wish Jimin would have did this else-where other than your apartment. Isabel looks at you with envy, reaching into her small chanel bag for something. Jungkook gives her a warning look to just leave before grabbing your arm to make you stand behind him.

“ Isabel I’ll walk you down. It’s best to just leave it be. Please.” Jimin begs from behind her. You watch the tears roll down her eyes and you still can’t help but to feel guilty.

You are the cause of their breakup. Maybe you really should have minded your business about Jimin. Maybe you shouldn’t have entertained his charming ways at all. Looking back down at her hands, you see a small pocket knife she grips tightly. You tap Jungkook and point which makes him push you behind him even more.

“ It’s a bad idea. You can hurt me but you wont hurt my brother or her.” He says, daring her to make any type of movement towards you.

Jimin comes behind her and attempts to grab the knife in which she slashes his palm on accident trying to push him away. In that quick second, Jimin hisses in pain while pulling away giving Isabel all the time she has to get to you while Jungkook is already across the room for his brother, forgetting you hiding behind him.

‘‘ Shit! Jimin are you okay?” He asks, but then quickly turns to you, “ Quick! Go hide! Hurry! “ Jungkook screams.

‘‘ Isabel this isn’t what he wants. He wants you to be happy and getting back at me will only upset him more!” As if your words would even convince the crazy girl in the slightest.

She just laughs as your words, fastly walking to you who’s, running towards the living area thinking it would cut time shorter if you cut through there to your bathroom.

You aren’t fast enough. She tackles you to the ground where you two rumble around trying to get away from her until she putting all her weight on you as she sits directly on your chest making it hard for you to breathe.

“ Maybe a little mark on your face will tell you to stop home-wrecking people’s relationship.” She raises the knife up high and you watch in horror before she raises it back to in attempt to make a slash on your forehead.

You block each attempt at her trying to slash anything on your face. Your dad always told you to protect your face in self defense and fighting and thats what you do. Only until with one last thrush, the knife connects with your forearm, making a nice sized gash on it.

‘‘ Fuck!”

The voices in your area fade in and out. You look to your left to see Isabel being dragged out by a pair of cops. But the puddle of blood forming around you rapidly sends you into panic. Only you cant panic. You cant speak. Your vision is slowly loosing faith in you.

Open.

Close.

Open.

Close.

Open.

Cl-

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inuma-kiss · 3 years

Text

EXCEPTION.

summary gojo reminisces the three times leading up to when he fell in love with you.

characters gojo satoru, gn reader.

format drabble / fic.

word count unknown (will add later, im super lazy rn)

contains fluff, highschool au flashbacks, mutual pining (but like,,,,, theyre in the flashbakcs?????), basically 3/4 of the story is flashbacks, little angst.

i figured i wanted to get more written stuff out before preparing for my bnha smau that i still have to plan and outline buuuttttt here ya go :D

It’s like it was yesterday, when the Gojo Satoru fell in love with you. Despite the fact that time seemed to pass that quickly, his feelings towards you only changed drastically like that in high school, way before his time as a Jujutsu Sorcerer.

The first time Gojo had an idea of his feelings towards you was during the week of his school’s sports festival in his first year of highschool when he had gotten into a fight. You nor Gojo don’t recall him ever telling you what the fight was about, but you never pushed on the topic, and Gojo never made an effort to remember. The man — who was just a boy back then — was ever so careless, but who was he to think about his actions? You were always there to keep him in check, and that time wasn’t an exception.

“How can you be so stupid sometimes, Toru?” You scold lightly, hand gripping tightly around his wrist as you drag him to the nurse’s office. Gojo’s face is plastered with a shit eating smirk, one you wish you could slap right off his chiseled yet developing features.

“And how can you be such a mom at such a young age, hm?” He teases, and you roll your eyes, pushing him into the nurse’s office, conveniently pushing him hard enough to get him to sit on one of the beds. His mouth is agape just a tiny bit from the shock of the force coming from your push, but he pushes that said shock to the back of his head as he watches you prance around the nurse’s office, trying to look for the first aid kit.

“Where is that stupid thing?” You speak to yourself, digging frustratingly through the cabinets. You sigh in relief once you find the kit, walking towards Gojo and pulling out a chair from the side. “Let me.” You say simply, eyes boring into his own bright blues. He nods, leaning forward and a little bit down to get his bruised forehead to your eye level.

You open the first aid kit and place it on a little tray table right beside you, taking out cotton, alcohol, some ointment, and bandages. You tend to his wounds, and as much as Gojo is thankful for the gesture, he can’t help but hiss every time the cotton meets with his fresh wounds, the alcohol reaching the depths of his wounds and creating a burn that even he couldn’t ignore.

“Sorry,” you pull back once you’ve finished cleaning out his wound, this time returning to his cuts with a prepared bandage. You place it gently on top of his cut, patting down lightly once you’ve placed it to secure it’s position, allowing his own body to do the rest of the healing. “At least we’re done though.” You smile, putting away the first aid kit but leaving it on the table, choosing to spend the rest of your free time staring at him instead of wasting time with putting away a stupid first aid kit.

“Thanks,” he comments, but you know better. You raise an eyebrow at him, voicing your suspicions, and Gojo just smiles, letting you know that he has no annoying intentions behind his rare voice of gratitude. You mentally shrug, relaxing your features, however instantly regretting it as a smirk pops up on your best friend’s features. “Mom.” He says, laughing out loud like a maniac at your reaction before questioning his own life as you chase him around the school in a fit of anger.

Gojo smiles at the memory. You and him were just kids, fresh highschoolers who had just left the obstacle of middle school. Although he never felt anything significant during that specific memory of his, he knew that his feelings started to bloom that day because when he got home, his heart started beating fast as his fingers grazed against his bandaged wound. A wound that you took care of and took the time to care for. And after that, Gojo was determined to make you tend to his wounds from that day on.

The second time Gojo had an idea of his feelings towards you was during the summer trip before the third year of highschool. Your friendship with him is still strong, in fact, stronger than ever, but all friendships come into conflicts at some points, and for you and Gojo, this time was one of them.

Gojo has always been popular among the student body. Males love hanging out with him while females love his personality and his looks. So, in other words, you can say that he has quite the reputation amongst the ladies, and as much as you want to say it doesn’t upset or bother you, it does.

I mean, how could you not? No female paid attention to your best friend for the entirety of both your lives, but once second year of high school had hit, all of a sudden it’s like the females knew of Gojo’s existence since forever.

“What?” You’re taken back, shock evident on your face as Gojo sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, making eye contact anywhere that isn’t your own.

“I’m sorry.” He says, still choosing to ignore your stare in effort of quieting the growing guilt inside of him. “I really wanted to walk around with you, but Nara said she—”

“—It’s fine.” You quickly shut him down, not wanting to hear anything else leave his mouth. He shuts up immediately, arms going down to rest on his sides before finally making eye contact with you. It’s obvious that he’s guilty, his eyes say it all. Those bright blue eyes you’ve always loved held some sort of darkness inside them as they start to gloss.

“A-Are you sure?” Gojo is hesitant. He knows you better than anyone, yet at this moment, why is he having so much trouble trying to figure you out?

“Yeah,” you shrug your shoulders, eyebrows furrowing lightly at the pang in your chest, targetting your heart as it started to beat heavily. It hurts. “You chose her, what right do I have to argue with that?” You ask before turning away, walking into the bus where students were chattering, expressing their excitement for the trip. Gojo stares at your back, watching as you sit far away from the seats that you and him had originally picked out. It hurts.

The trip lasted for a whole week, if Gojo remembers correctly. The only thing he actually remembered correctly was the fact that he barely spent time with you that week. He’s used to having you by his side most of the time, and the fact that he was in the same vicinity as you yet you were absent from his side, he didn’t like it. Foreign feelings are always a good thing, it helps you get accustomed to new things and set out for new adventures. However, this particular foreign feeling was one he never wished to feel ever again.

Oh, yeah. Nara. She’s this girl Gojo had met at the beginning of his second year of highschool. The two became close and eventually he asked her out midway into the school year. Now that Gojo thinks about it, his time with you was starting to fade away little by little once Nara came into the picture.

Obviously, you said nothing. You saw how happy he was with her, who are you to ruin that? It’s not like you were anything more than a bestfriend, but that’s what you think. Gojo sees you as something a lot more than a bestfriend, he just hasn’t come to terms with it yet.

On the last day of the trip, Gojo finds you stargazing on the beach. He was hanging out with Nara, but he needed fresh air after being inside all day, so he excused himself for a bit to walk to the beach. Thank god he did.

“Toru?” You acknowledge him after feeling his stare on your back lingering too long for comfort, chuckling to yourself when he responded with a blush adorning on his face, eyes widening and shoulders jumping in shock. “Idiot. Come sit with me.” You tease, patting the space besides you, and with hesitation, Gojo follows.

He doesn’t know what to say. During this whole week, Gojo swore he had a million things to say to you, but now that you’re here, sitting besides him under the pale moonlight as the waves crashed against both your feet, he feels as if all the vocabulary he knew in his life...disappeared.

Maybe that’s just your effect on him. Gojo is not too sure, but with the way you’re eyes are boring into his, he can’t help but let his heart speed up a bit.

“How are you and Nara?” You initiate the conversation, knowing that Gojo is overthinking himself. It’s a bad habit of his, and no matter how many times you tell him to calm down, his mind just runs amock, leaving you no choice but to watch out for him. But, it’s not like you hate watching out for him. It’s quite the opposite.

“We’re...” Gojo tears his head away from you, instead looking at the vast horizon of the dark sky, resting his elbows on his knees. “We’re okay.”

You smile despite the pain that grows inside you at his words, observing how his bright eyes soften at the thought of his girlfriend. You look away, hoping to qualm your overwhelming feelings for him, knowing it won’t do you any good.

You, however, miss the way Gojo turns back at you, eyes softening even more as he watches your silky skin glisten under the rays of the moon.

After that trip, Gojo remembers your relationship with him somehow changed. Back then, he can’t tell what the change was, but now that he’s an adult who’s had experiences, he’s very much aware what changed.

The third and final time Gojo had an idea of his feelings towards you was near the end of his third year of highschool. He was then a senior, still ever so popular. He was still with Nara, their relationship going on to one year, but he felt something off.

With his chest that used to tighten and warm up at the sound of her laugh, by the time the end of their third year comes around, he doesn’t get those same feelings anymore. Whenever Nara laughs, Gojo stays neutral, and that alarms him.

“Let’s go on a date tomorrow,” Nara approaches you and Gojo with a skeptical smile on her face. She ignores you completely, but you don’t react to it. After all, that’s how she always reacts whenever you came into the picture. It isn’t anything new.

“Okay.” Gojo smiles at her, but you can tell that his smile lacked the usual softness. “I’ll pick you up at 2?” He asks, and Nara nods, pulling him down for a quick kiss on the lips before skipping away happily as if she won a prize.

“She seems giddy.” You point out, and Gojo nods, his whole aura seeming to gloom as he stares at Nara laughing along with her friends. You furrow an eyebrow, hand touching the side of his arm to get his attention. “Hey, you okay?” You ask, and Gojo turns to you, mood lightening up as he nods. Sadly, you don’t notice the change in his attitude.

“Wanna go somewhere tomorrow?” Gojo asks, and you’re taken back, confusion lacing your features as you pull your hand away from his arm.

“Tomorrow? You literally just agreed to go on a date with Nara tomorrow.” You stare at him as his eyes widen in realization, and hope starts to settle in the pit of your stomach. Sadly, that said hope disappears once he laughs, waving his hand as if to dismiss you.

“Ah, my bad.” He shakes his head at himself. “I’m just tired.” He tries to play it off, and unfortunately, you take the bait and believe his lies. Adult Gojo wants nothing more than to slap the shit out of his and your highschool self, wishing that the both of you weren’t so blinded to your own stupidity.

Skipping to the next day, Gojo is tired. He’s mentally exhausted, and he wants nothing more than to go to your house and rant about everything. He doesn’t want to go on this date with Nara. In fact, he doesn’t wanna be with Nara at all. Gojo isn’t an asshole though, he would never leave Nara hanging like that.

So he gets up either way, walking to Nara’s house. The guilt in him starts to settle once he’s met with Nara’s cheerful face.

“Hey baby!” Nara giggles, instantly wrapping her arms around Gojo’s neck. “I feel like we haven’t gotten on a date in forever.” Nara says, gesturing for Gojo to come in her home as she lets go of his neck. Gojo doesn’t move an inch, however, and Nara stares at him in confusion, heart beating faster by the minute as realization starts to settle in the pit of her stomach.

“Nara, I...” Gojo clears his throat. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. Something changed, I don’t know what, but I do know that I can’t keep you going like this. You deserve better, and I can’t provide that for you.” Gojo is quick to speak his feelings, knowing that one more second here means one less second with you.

Nara smiles, shocking Gojo. He didn’t expect such a reaction from her. He’s not sure what exactly was he expecting, but this definitely wasn’t it.

“I know.” Nara reassures him, a tear trickling down her face. “That’s why I’ve been pestering you about going on a date. I know something changed, you love [Name]. You always have, but I thought I could change something there. I should have known that I hold no place in your heart when they’re around.” Nara sighs as more tears fall down her face. Gojo stands there, taking it all in as he’s swallowing in guilt. Guilt and relief. “Just go. I’ll be fine.” Nara says, pushing Gojo out of her house and closing the door on him.

Gojo runs to your house, not caring that he’s getting tired. Nara keeps her back on her front door, sobbing into her hands, her heart empty knowing she just let go the man of her dreams for the sake of his happiness.

He’s getting close. You’re all Gojo is thinking about right now as he burns his energy, legs moving quick and fast. All those times that he was so miserable during PE was worth it, because now that it counts, it helps him get to you faster.

“Toru?” You open the door, face pulled into an expression of shock when you’re met with an exhausted Gojo, hands on his knees and back hunched over ass he tries to catch his breath. “Did you run here?” You chuckle, shaking your head at him. You pull him into your house, sitting him onto your couch while you grab a cold glass of water for him.

“Thanks,” Gojo smiles at you, taking the glass from you and swigs the water down his throat in one go. “Yeah, I, uh, ran here; have some things to say.” Gojo puts down the glass on the coaster before leaning back against the couch, eyes landing on yours.

You’re taken back by his statement. Recently, your conversations with Gojo have been cut short. They’re usually compiled with small hi’s and how are you’s. Type of conversations that people as close as you and Gojo wouldn’t have. Unless, you know, something happens between them.

“Okay, um...” You gulp nervously, eyes moving away from contact with his, shifting towards the glass that he settled on the coaster instead.

Gojo smiles, noticing the nerves that were starting to settle in your body. “I’m sorry.” He says, and your eyes widen, eyes shifting back to make eye contact with him. Yet, you don’t say anything, allowing Gojo to continue. “I’m sorry for treating you like you weren’t important to me. For, you know, leaving you to yourself when I’m your bestfriend and I’m supposed to be there for you.” Gojo fiddles with his fingers, stopping when you place your hand on top of his.

“Toru, it’s okay.” You say, wrapping your hand in his. “I understand, I do. I’m just your bestfriend, and Nara, she...she’s your girlfriend. I know where your priorities land and—”

“—That’s the thing.” He interrupts you. “You’re my priority, [Name]. Not Nara. I broke up with her.” You let go of his hand, putting them on your lap instead as you try to take in his words.

“What...what are you trying to say, Toru?” You ask, unaware of how your body is leaning closer to his in wishful hope. In your mind, you’re hoping that his words mean exactly what you think they do, and fortunate for you, they do.

“I’m in love with you.” Gojo says as simple as that before sitting up properly to pull you close to him, hands caging your face in between his palms while his lips crash against yours.

The two of you stay there, lips dancing with each other as you both savor the taste of each other’s lips, the sweet taste of love filling the air causing your heart to swell up in happiness.

Before you could control it, tears start spilling from the corner of your eyes, the feeling of happiness becoming too over whelming. Gojo pulls away after a good minute or two, staring at your face lovingly while he uses his thumbs to wipe away your salty tears.

“You’ve always been sensitive, dummy.” Gojo teases, pulling you into his chest and letting you hide your head into his warmth, nose inhaling his strong yet comforting cologne.

“Shut up.” You smack the side of his shoulder, attempting to pull away from his hold, only to be pulled back in by his strong arms. “I hate you.” You sniffle, earning a heartfelt laugh from Gojo.

Back to the present, Gojo is chuckling to himself while you give him a confused look, eyebrows furrowed as your fingers expertly work their way to bandage his face.

“What the hell are you laughing about?” You ask with suspicion, but Gojo waves you off. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to make you take care of his wounds, and even after ten years since that first time he realized the change of his feelings towards you, you’re here, taking care of his wounds. Only this time, not as a friend, but as his lover.

“Nothing. Just reminiscing.” Gojo smiles, feeling as if he was rewinding time with the way he’s remembering things. You give him one more look of your suspicions before rolling your eyes, slapping his bandaged wounds lightly to signal that you were done. He hisses a little, sending you a feign glare, and you respond with sticking out your tongue, pulling back when he tries to bite your tongue.

You turn your back against him to put away the first aid kit, the smile on Gojo’s face getting larger. Now that he thinks about it, that one time in his first year if highschool, Gojo is pretty sure that he got into that fight because some boys were talking bad about you.

It’s not like him to involve himself in situations like that, but you? You’re an exception.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo imagines #gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #gojo x reader fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #fics #f.soft

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dracowars · 3 years

Note

can i request an imagine im so sorry if it’s too long for your liking but could it be a pureblood slytherin reader x draco imagine where the reader and draco are dating but after some bad news from home (maybe she doesn’t have the kindest parents like draco) she distances herself from everyone and keeps zoning out and finds herself astronomy tower thinking really dark thoughts but draco has constantly been watching over her and is super worried and maybe they have an argument at the tower and draco gets stupid and says something mean or even is dumb to think to accuse her of cheating at the end in which the reader maybe either slaps him (for dramatic effect) or if that’s too much she just says it’s over between the two and she walks off and draco is shocked and tries to stop the reader but she’s already gone and she doesn’t show up to breakfast or lunch and maybe in their class they learn about the boggart again and since they’re older their fears have changed and maybe the reader isn’t paying attention and she’s brought up to test her boggart and it’s draco saying those same things and maybe her parents come out as well and it’s essentially that draco’s unkind words are her fear because it’s the last straw for her until everything breaks because she was holding onto him and she runs out of class and class is dismissed because no one wants to go after that and the reader skips dinner and can be found in moaning myrtles bathroom having a panic attack and she gets really frustrated and hits the the sink really hard to feel something and you can hear myrtle begging the reader to stop and maybe someone sees her and runs to draco to get help but draco runs to the bathroom she’s not there anymore and he finds her at the astronomy tower feeling numb and he overhears her talking to herself and it ends in fluff because he can’t lose her and he figures out it’s probably her parents pressuring her too much again and he can relate because of his and they get back together and it’s just really fluffy at the end maybe they sneak in the kitchen for a quick minute dinner since the reader didn’t eat and draco has to be really kind to the elves heheh

darkness | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x slytherin!reader

word count: 3,1k

summary: where y/n's parents make her life a living hell and draco doesn't really help

a/n: normally i do not write about things like this but i actually really liked the request so i wrote it anyway. i don't mean to offend anyone with this if i misrepresented something, i did my best to get familiar with the topic <3

warnings: angst, major mental health issues including dark thoughts and self-doubt, hints of su*c*de, mentions of blood, cursing, very sensitive topics in general

universe: harry potter

The cold wind blows through your hair and makes it swirl around the air and into your face, goosebumps spreading all over your body at the sudden coldness. To prevent your hair from flying around, you tame your hair with a hair tie, your gaze fixed straight ahead while your face is illuminated by the setting sun.

You really missed this place during the holidays. The astronomy tower.

Whenever you are stressed from doing a lot of homework or studying in general, this is the place you can hust go to and are somehow always able to relax. The view is breathtaking and you love to watch the sun - or the moon, depening on what time of the day you find yourself up here - shine.

And this special place also gives you the security that you so urgently needed.

The winter holidays were a living hell for you. You have extremely strict parents who see a great importance in your education, but that is basically the only thing that interests them about you. That you bring honor to your pureblood family. That they can proudly show you off to other pureblood families even though they know nothing about you and who you really are.

Until recently they did not even know that you are in a relationship. Unfortunately, one thing led to another and they found it out by an unlucky coincidence which consisted of them picking you up at platform 9¾ for the very first time since you have been at Hogwarts. There they saw you with a platinum haired boy, kissing.

This boy turned out to be Draco Malfoy, the son of the pureblood Malfoy family, who you parents cannot stand at all. To put it in other words, they loathe each other to death and that for probably no reason, at least you have not been able to figure it out yet.

So of course they were not very thrilled that you are in a relationship with a Malfoy, which they showed you straight away. They locked you inside of your room at home because you had to 'think about your actions and their consequences'.

However, when they realized that their behavior would not change anything, they began to put you down. They threw the worst swear words at you, wanted to force you to break up with him and told you what a terrible shame you are for your family. That Draco could never love you and that you are ugly, cheap and overall useless. That is how it went on for your whole vacation.

Your parents always treated you this way, it was not new to you. Nevertheless it hurts every time, even if you try to hide it. You would rather keep all the pain inside of you than to tell others about it, because they are not able to help you anyway. Unfortunately, you did the math without your boyfriend.

This morning at the Central Station of London, Draco immediately saw that you were not feeling well. Any attempts to get you to tell him what is going on with you had been useless though so he left you alone at some point, but you still noticed how he kept staring at you for the whole train ride to Hogwarts.

You would love to tell him, tell him about everything, but something inside of you is stopping you from doing so. An invisible barrier inside of your head, probably fear, that you simply cannot overcome. You know that Draco's parents are pretty similar to yours, but still you just cannot manage to talk to him and you notice how it slowly but surely destroys your deep bond with one another.

Continuing to look into the distance and watch the clouds encircle the beautiful setting sun, which colors the sky in reddish colors, your thoughts suddenly wander to gloomy places. Dark places where you usually only go to when you are locked inside of your own room at home.

But now they are even attacking you at your safest place.

You perfectly know yourself that you are not good enough for Draco. You do not deserve this incredibly great person as your boyfriend. You do not even deserve him as a best friend, no, you do not deserve him at all. You are worthless and for him you are nothing more than one girl out of many.

And still you keep on being selfish and do not end it.

Completely lost in your own dark thoughts, you do not even notice at first how the tears are already streaming down your cheeks like waterfalls. Sniffling, you rub your eyes, smeer your discreetly applied mascara, and wipe the tears from your face.

"Why am I still doing this to myself?", you sob and lower your head, looking deep down at the grounds of Hogwarts. The tears that are enriched with pain flow out of your eyes and fall into the dark depths, causing you to slowly close your eyes.

The sudden mention of your name from behind you makes you abruptly breathe out in shock and your head jumps up as you turn around. Your eyes lock with the gray, sparkling eyes of your boyfriend, who is currently looking at you with pity.

"W-What are you doing here, Draco?", you sniff and wrap your arms around your body in an attempt to hide from him so he does not have to look at you.

"Why are you crying?", he asks, ignoring your question, and before you can realize, he is already standing right in front of you and gently places his hands on your tear stained, puffy cheeks. Gently wiping away your tears with his thumb, he searches your eyes for answers that can explain your current terrible condition. He cannot bear to see you like this, so fragile and deeply hurt.

Whatever happened, he will make sure you know that he is and always will be here for you. And he will not let, whatever it is, continue to hurt you so badly.

"If you do not tell me, then I cannot help you", he softly whispers and brushes the strands of hair behind your ear that have escaped from your ponytail in the wind and then carefully lifts your head so you have to look him in the eyes.

"It's nothing", are the only words you get out, your throat thightening, but all you would like to do is to just finally tell him about everything.

"Do you even realize how worried I am about you, Y/N?! It is killing me!", Draco suddenly raises his voice at you, causing you to flinch and take a step back, your back now touching the railing. Noticing the power of his words, he sighs and looks to the ground in shame.

Your head processes his facial expression and his gestures and again makes you believe that his sadness is your fault. By not being able to control your stupid feelings, you hurt him.

"I-I really have to go", you stutter out and quickly run past him, pressing your coat around your body.

"Have fun with Blaise then", you hear him say and you abruptly stop in your motion. Not fully understanding the words he just said, you turn to him.

"What?", you ask with not more than a breath coming out, hurt evident in your expression as he suddenly stomps in your direction furiously, a disgusted look on his face while he looks into your eyes.

"Don't act stupid now, Y/N! You hardly speak a word to me anymore, you avoid body contact, you are totally dismissive in general and you can't even look at me anymore! Why do you not just admit that you are cheating on me?!", Draco accuses you out of nowhere, not knowing what he is even saying himself, and you could swear that at this very moment your heart has finally burst into a thousand splinters and your last hold has now completely disappeared.

Losing the control over your body for a second, your hand lands on his cheek with full force. There is a dead silence before you just turn and leave, leaving him behind on the astronomy tower. You can hear him say your name after you, but you block it out and run down the stairs, crying, your vision blurred.

Missing one of the last stairs in your hurry, you fall down onto the cold floor. You get up again as quickly as possible when you hear steps behind you and you run. You run for your life while you disappear into the endless corridors of Hogwarts, making your way to your dorm.

The next morning your eyelids stick together from all the crying and you have a aching headache. You did not close one eye that night and just laid there crying in your bed silently until at some point there were no more tears.

In front of the door of your prefect dorm room, you can hear how the other students are leaving your house on their way to breakfast, but your stomach makes a flip when you only think about food. That is the reason why you decide to stay in your warm, safe and comfortable bed a little longer and to skip breakfast, which is unnecessary anyway. Avoiding other people seems like the best idea for you right now.

Just in time for the beginning of your first lesson of the long day, you made it out of your bed and are now sitting in Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Snape.

Your thoughts are whirling around in your head and you do not understand a single word Snape is saying in front of the class, even if you are really trying your best to understand him. Furthermore does it not help your concentration that you see how Draco keeps staring at you from across the room out of the corner of your eye. However, you do not have enough strength for this anymore after a while and therefore focus your gaze out the window at the rising sun.

At least you are distracted until all of the students get up from their seats all of a sudden and you only watch them confused until you notice that they are only waiting for you to join them and you quickly walk, almost stumbling, to them. Ignoring the looks and laughter of everyone, you play around with the hem of your grey Slytherin sweater and ignore them while doing so.

"Well then, let us begin. Ms. Y/L/N, would you please do us the honor and start", Snape clears his throat as you look at him in shock, noticing by the expression on his face that he definetely knows that you did not listen to him at all and have not been present with your mind.

Since you do not have a chance to defy yourself anyway, you nod and go to the position he points at in front of an old, dusty closet. With confusion all over your face, you switch between looking at Professor Snape and the cabinet as he suddenly opens the door and you take a big step back, startled to death.

"Have fun with Blaise then", Draco spits in your face disparagingly and is now slowly walking towards you after stepping out of the cupboard, increasing your pulse. The tears find their way back into your eyes right away while you just keep looking at him petrified, frozen in your spot.

"Why do you not just admit that you are cheating on me?!", he yells at you again and your vision becomes more and more blurred, your ears start to beep while he shouts at you, bringing back the painful memories of yesterday.

"No! Please don't leave me, Draco!"

It is like you are back on the astronomy tower again, your hair blowing in the wind as he steps towards you. In the next moment he is gone all of a sudden and instead of him, two other people are now in front of you.

"You are a shame for our whole family, you stupid brat", your father insults you and you fall onto your knees, holding your hands against your head in pain.

"Stop it! Please!", you beg them, but of course they do not stop, they only make their words worse.

"Draco can never seriously love someone like you. I mean, look at you! You are less worthy than dirt", your father tells you and your entire body is now trembling when you finally see a black cloak in front of your eyes and your parents vanish into thin air.

"Please stay with me", you choke through your tears, words addressed to Draco who had to watch the scene in front of him with pure horror in his eyes.

Breathing heavily, you look up at Professor Snape, who looks at you in disbelief, but as your eyes wander around the room to see everyone staring at you, your legs automatically carry you out of the classroom in the next moment, unable to bear their burning glances.

You run down the empty corridor with a faint vision in search of a safe place to hide until you arrive at one of the girls' bathrooms and rush in, not thinking about someone possibly being in there.

Slamming the door shut behind you, you stumble to the sinks with trembling knees and support all of your weight with your hands on either side of one sink as your legs fail beneath you. Clinging to the edge of the sink, you cry bitterly. The cold walls of the bathroom echo your crying several times, allowing you to hear your own pain.

"What is wrong, Y/N?", you hear a soft voice next to your ear and when you look up it is none other than Myrtle. Apparently of all places you ended up in her bathroom and are not as alone as you wished for.

"I am fine", you say with a monotonous voice, forcing yourself into an upright position, but literally everyone would see that you are definetely not fine, even a ghost.

"Y/N. You look anything but okay. Can I somehow help you-"

"Just leave me alone!", you angrily yell at her and lose control of your body, only seeing a thick, red substance running over your hand when it is already too late. Broken pieces of glass lie around you on the floor, which flew through the air when your fist hit them and inflicted small wounds on your face.

"You need to stop, Y/N!", Myrtle commands, but you do not listen and let yourself fall onto the floor, kicking your foot against the sink and thereby unintentionally loosen one of the old pipes. The sound of flowing water fills the room, surrounding your body on the floor.

On the edge of passing out, you lie in the cold water and stare at the ceiling while Myrtle has disappeared without a trace.

What you do not know, however, is that Myrtle is already on her way to find help and comes across Draco, who is running back and forth through the hallways while searching for you.

It takes Draco a moment to understand Myrtle's fast explanation, but when he does he runs into the direction of the girls' bathroom without hesitation. He rushes through the door into the flooded bathroom and all he sees is the broken mirror and the slightly reddish puddles in the water.

But he does not find you in there and realizes that there can only be one place where you could be.

Walking through the corridors of Hogwarts at lightning speed, he finally reaches the staircase leading to the astronomy tower and goes them up in no time. Once he arrives at the top, he abruptly stops when you come into his field of vision.

There you are, completely broken, leaning your head against the railing, your knees closely drawn to your body while your painful crys echo through his ears.

"Why did you not listen to your parents, you disgusting piece of daughter", you talk to yourself, not noticing that you are not alone any longer. With your already injured hand you hit the pole of the railing once, immediately regretting it as the pain spreads through your body.

However, your gaze lands on a person standing directly ahead and your eyes widen, but unfortunately you lack the strength to stand up, to yell at him, or to resist as he slowly sits down next to you.

Neither of you say a word, but it does not take long before he gently takes you into his strong arms, providing you with the support you needed so badly, so you can cry while he strokes over your hair. He whispers repentances in your ear over and over again. That he regrets his words, that he takes them back and that he was such an idiot.

"You are so wonderful", he confirms and gives you a kiss on the forhead, careful not to scare you away, continuing to stroke your upper arm with his hand.

"Do not believe in what your parents told you, angel. I will stay with you", he shakily breathes and has to pull himself together to not let a tear slip out of his eyes at any moment. "I am sorry that I let you down."

His last few words pull a trigger inside of your head and suddenly everything pours out of your mouth at once. Your fears, your worries. Everything your parents ever said or did to you. You finally tell him about all of it now, even though you should have done it much earlier.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N. You are my world and the reason I live. Never let anyone make you think that I do not love or deserve you, especially not your parents", Draco explains to you sincerely as you stare at him, exhausted but happy.

You slowly put your head on his shoulder and close your eyes, letting the good and bright drown out all of your dark and bad thoughts. Meanwhile, Draco carefully examines your injured hand before scooping you up into his arms while standing up.

"No matter how much you hate me right now, you have to eat something", he tells you, but you do not answer and just enjoy his close presence while you wrap your arms tightly around his neck, letting him carry you away.

If he had known how terrible you were feeling earlier, he would have done something much sooner. He should have been more pushy and not let you get away with a simple 'i am fine'. But now that he knows, he definetely learned from it.

And Draco would have never forgiven himself if he had let you just go like that.

551 notes · View notes

mqnasluvr · 3 years

Note

heya ! i heard you were new around here, could i request headcanons of enemies to lovers with kaeya and childe ? any pronouns are fine ! they’re so annoying i hate how i love them nevertheless,, thank you belladonna and take your time <3

enemies to lovers | kaeya alberich

pairings; kaeya x gn!reader

mentioned; jean

warnings; enemies to lovers but it’s pretty one sided, spoilers for kaeyas backstory, no beta we die like men, a lil bit of kaeya slander im sorry i had to, gn! reader

word count; 2k

a/n; where did kyquu go? :( i hope they at least see this.. i didnt finish childes part but i wanted to push this out as soon as possible. :(

kaeya

to put it simply, your relationship with kaeya was... tiring.

you had been close to kaeya and his younger brother for years, them being your closest and most trusted friends throughout part of your childhood and teenage years. but that all came to a halt when the former admitted to being a spy from khaenri'ah.

in no way or form did he expect for you two to forgive him— but actually seeing your broken and betrayed faces hurt him more than he thought it would, and the image still haunts him to this day.

you had separated yourself from the two brothers. although diluc didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t want to pick between them ( even though you really should’ve ). that decision was too hard for you to make.

for years, you stayed out of touch with kaeya as he continued to climb the ranks within the knights of favonius, and you followed, much to your dismay. you worked hard to become a knight, and you weren’t going to quit just because of some bad blood between you and your superior. ( props to you for maturity )

he wanted nothing more than to reconnect with you, and maybe even diluc— but that was wishful thinking. diluc ragnvindr was a stubborn, hardheaded man, and getting past that exterior would be no simple feat.

so, he opted for ( not so ) subtly courting you— giving you the occasional wave whenever he saw you walking through mondstadt, offering to help you train ( although you declined every time ), and other small things. you question why he chose to do this now of all times, after half a decade of not speaking to each other.

you weren’t sure how to feel, but it made you agitated. not seething with rage, but it did annoy you to see his lazy grin whenever he walked into the angels share and saw you sitting in the corner of the room. it annoyed you whenever he did that stupid two finger salute before walking off, and archons, did it annoy you when he patted your shoulder after sparring as if you were the best of buds.

then why did your thoughts never stray from him?

that question, you couldn’t answer.

and so, you resorted to treating him like he didn’t exist. it was rude, but you couldn’t really think of anything else. avoiding him like the plague was the one thing you were good at.

as if things couldn’t get any worse, one of your worst nightmares came to fruition.

“jean, please. why can’t i do this mission with you? why... him?” you were basically at the acting grand masters feet, head in your hands and pleading up at the woman. she felt bad, but there was nothing she could do.

“i’m really sorry y/n. but i’m too busy with other things, and kaeya happens to be available. you know an ordinary knight wouldnt be able to take this mission,” her guilt worsened when you looked up at her with ( fake ) tears in your eyes. she kneeled to your height.

“i don’t know of your history with kaeya, but please, just put it aside for this one mission. it shouldn’t take you very long.”

jean helped you stand to your feet, the frown etched into her face growing deeper when she saw your shoulders slump. “alright, fine..i’ll try-”

“jean! have you seen y/n— ah, there they are,” kaeya waltzed in without so much as a knocking, making you jump in surprise and shoot a glare at him. he flashed you a lazy grin.

“speak of the devil..” you muttered.

“are you ready to go? we don’t have much time.” the mission you were assigned was to gain intel on what the fatui were planning. to get said intel, you had to sneak into a gathering held by the fatui. the dresscode was rather expensive— more expensive than anything you owned— so to help you out, kaeya took the liberty of purchasing an outfit for you.

kaeya dropped it into your arms. “change into this. don’t want to show up to a party wearing uniform, do you?”

“thanks...” your face felt warm from embarrassment, but you did have to admit, that was considerate of him.

he laughed and waved his hand, shaking his head. “let’s get going, yeah?”

—

you finished getting ready with the help of jean. she sent you one last apologetic gaze before walking you out the door, waving at you both.

kaeya didnt even hide the fact that he was checking you out. his eyes raked over your attire, before sticking his arm out for you to hold. “my, my, you look quite impressive, y/n. is everything suited to your tastes?”

you huffed and walked past him. “the corset is too tight, and the shoes are too small.” you were only half lying— the corset was a bit uncomfortable to move in, but he got your shoe size down to a T. how? you didn’t really want to know.

“if that’s the case, i can loosen it for you-”

“no.”

kaeya laughed it off, and you only grew more irritated. “come now, y/n. don’t be so stiff.”

“i am perfectly content with being stiff, thank you. now hurry up, i want to get this over with,” you muttered the last part.

you didn’t want to admit that you were struggling to take your eyes off of his attire. he was clad in a white suit with blue complimentary colors to match your own outfit.

you rolled your eyes. ‘of course he’d get us matching outfits.’

but, you didnt find yourself minding all too much.

—

the party looked like any other party— fatui agents littered all over the residence, along with guests in fancy clothing.

you tugged on your sleeve, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. but on the outside, yourself and kaeya blended in pretty well.

because kaeya was such a well known figure, he had to change up his looks a bit. no eyepatch, ( i know, so uncharacteristic ) and he used contacts to change his eye color to a darker shade.

he also put that disgusting rat tail away.

so he didn’t look completely different, but he looked different enough.

...the change was nice.

you couldnt help but feel watched though. but that was to be expected. even though you felt somewhat secure in this situation, anxiety rests for no one. it rested in the pit of your stomach dormantly, waiting for a moment to bloom.

looking around the ballroom, kaeya found people dancing in the middle. deciding that it was better to at least enjoy the party before leaving, he stood in front of you and held his hand out, bowing.

“may i have this dance?”

“who do you think i am-”

kaeya flashed you a cautious glance, head nodding towards a fatui agent who was keeping their eye on the two of you. holding back a sigh, you placed your hand in his. he grinned.

“thank you,” he said. you grunted quietly and held back a roll of your eyes as he dragged you to the middle of the dance floor.

“attention whore,” you muttered, feeling warmer as he placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you in closer.

“you wound me, y/n.”

“you deserve it. i wish i could slap you.”

he stayed quiet. maybe too far?

you shook your head. no. there was no way you we’re going to let yourself feel sorry for him when he was literally a spy.

but he feels honest enough.

sure, his intentions at first were.. questionable. but he’s changed for the better. kaeya has been in mondstadt for years now, and khaenri'ah fell ages ago. his love for mond shouldn’t be doubted for a second, even if he hides it quite well.

before you could look up and make sure your words didn’t hurt him too badly, he leaned down near your ear.

“we have to go.”

“what-”

“i’ll explain later, but we have to go,” he grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

you didn’t notice, but several of the fatui agents were watching you. you didnt change your looks as much as he did, opting to use simple touch-ups to make yourself more presentable. but it wasn’t enough.

“hey!” one of that agents shouted, and kaeya turned his head back to see how close they were. like he suspected, they were following gou. they pushed through the people, even going as far as knocking one man over, just to catch up.

you hurried your steps along with kaeya, almost sprinting to keep up with him. his grip on your hand was firm though. you two dashed up the stairs onto the third floor of the residence, where the bedrooms were. offices, libraries, bedrooms— they were all there. kaeya picked a random one and shoved you both inside.

it was a red themed bedroom, the lights dim with papers scattered along the desk on the other side of the room. “it seems we’ve gotten lucky,” kaeya joked, skimming over the papers. they were letters, between the fatui and some unknown source. kaeya stashed them in his jacket.

you didn’t understand how he could joke at a time like this. you still arent in the clear and you could hear rapid footsteps coming upstairs. “kaeya—!”

“you know how you said you wanted to slap me?” he said while tucking the last bit of papers into his suit. he didnt even give you a chance to answer. “you can, after this.”

you were confused, but when he backed you up against the wall and pressed his lips to yours, that confusion turned into anger, then more confusion, then understanding.

sighing when you finally caught on, he pulled your body closer to his and you wrapped your arms sround his shoulders. he tugged and nipped on your bottom lip, and if you didnt know any better your knees would be knocking. he was almost too good at this.

suddenly, an agent— a female one, this time— barged in. “have you— hey! take that shit elsewhere, lovebirds!”

kaeya hid your face in his chest, grinning lazily at the woman. his lips were swollen and his eyes were lidded. the woman blushed.

clearing her thoat, she held up a picture of you. well, moreso the back of your head. “have you seen this individual?”

he stared at the woman, then glaced down at you. “..sorry. i’ve been busy, i haven’t seen anyone of the sort. wish i could help,” he shrugged, and the ladies blush worsened. “o-of course..” she muttered, before closing the door and locking it.

kaeya snorted at the irony. he looked back at you, who was still touching your lips with your fingers.

“was i that good?” he chuckled, and caught your hand when you moved to slap him. his laughter died down and he looks oddly serious.

“y/n, we need to talk..”

“...no we dont,” you turned your back to him. he put his hand on your shoulder.

“yes,” he sighed. “we do. i know you didnt want to do this with me-”

“kaeya..”

“-and really, i understand. but i’ve changed, and i know you’ve noticed. i dont want you to hate me forever-”

“kaeya-”

“and you can’t-”

“kaeya!” you nearly yelled. he finally stopped talking over you. “i don’t want to talk about this right now. can you just drop it?”

“then when?” he narrowed his eyes. he laughed humorlessly when there was no reply.

kaeya’s eyes softened the longer you stayed silent. he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you in for a hug. “...sorry.”

“could you please shut up,” you mumbled into his chest. he laughed softly.

“i know you’re wary right now. but all i ask for is a second chance,” he pulled away and hend your hands together in his. “...please.”

it was an odd sight, seeing him this vulnerable. then again, there was a good chance he was faking it to get on your good side but.. for some reason you found it hard to believe that. he looked truly sincere.

you groaned.

“you better not make me regret this.”

#i took inspo from a fic i read on tiktok... ill try to find the original creator #kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #kaeya x y/n #kaeya x you

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