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genderqueerdykes · 24 days

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if you are a trans boy, especially a teenage trans boy, i wanted to say that as a trans man in their 30's, you have my deepest respects and condolences for what you may be going through right now.

it has become socially acceptable and basically online custom to bully teenage trans boys & mascs, call them cringy, or excuse misgendering them for whatever reason. people put trans boys on this pedestal of "must perform masculinity and manhood to cartoonish degrees" even though they're still children.

people make trans boys fight for their manhood before they can even be boys. i am sorry people can be so judgmental and harsh on you. you are not wrong for wanting to be a boy. you are experiencing something wonderful. it's okay if you still want to be a boy even if people have treated you poorly, or tried to make you feel bad for being a boy. there is nothing wrong with being a boy.

it's okay if you never socially transition. it's okay if you're afraid to come out because it's not safe. it's okay if you never change your outward appearance. it's okay if you try very hard to pass but struggle to. it's okay if you wear "women's" clothing and shoes, bras, makeup, etc., it's okay if you're gay and love other men. it's okay if you're scared of hrt. it's okay if you don't want surgery. it's okay if you mainly occupy girl's spaces still. people will find every reason to pick these things apart and ridicule trans boys for, but they are all perfectly fine experiences that do not make you any less of a boy. you are the one who is in control of your transition, presentation, and state of being- you should be able to prioritize your safety over the comfort of random strangers who have no impact over how you live your life.

i've been put through this too, but later in life as i came out when i was an adult. people still try to make me feel bad for identifying as a trans man, for whatever reason they have in their head to justify hatred of a trans person. i've had enough. there will never be an excuse for how people try to excuse the infantilization and abuse that trans men and trans boys face.

take care of yourselves, no matter what age you are, if you are a trans boy, man, or masc you deserve to know that other trans men care about you, especially when people are scrambling to find ways to punch down on you. there are people who suck, but there are also a lot of people who care about you. keep your chin up. you know who you are

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think-queer · 10 months

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It is exhausting how many people seem to refuse to give unaligned non-binary people the same level of compassion as they do masc or fem aligned trans people. So many people seem to completely understand how much constant misgendering can affect a person, that many trans people are forced to stay closeted and that being closeted is not a privilege even if it reduces the risk of being targeted by bigots, that many trans people can't transition due to lack of access/support/health issues... But the same people that understand that for trans men and women will forget all of that when it comes to non-binary people, especially those of us unaligned with concepts of feminity or masculinity. Suddenly people will act like every non-binary person who "looks cis" is making a conscious choice to do so, and that they are fully comfortable and happy with that choice. People will go from treating misgendering as a serious issue to acting like nb people should just brush it off. People who understand that infighting and comparing who has it worse within the queer community distracts from real progress will start talking about nb people as if we have no real problems and just want to feel oppressed. Leftists will start to sound like alt-right incels complaining about "special snowflakes" and "safe spaces" when they talk about non-binary people.

It's utterly exhausting and it's infuriating how many people seem to not even notice this.

Non-binary people face a huge amount of invisibility and infantilisation. Non-binary people spending their lives being misgendered and hiding away in the closet are not privileged for that. Non-binary people face the same obstacles in medical transition as any other trans person. Non-binary people discussing our own struggles on our own posts or in our own spaces doesn't take away from other trans people. Non-binary people have a right to take up space and participate in the wider queer community without be treated like we're intruders.

Stop treating non-binary people like we're "basically cis" or "trans-lite," stop acting like trans issues don't affect non-binary people. Treat non-binary people with some compassion or just leave us alone.

#untqgged #tqlk #I'm tired and this might not be worded super well #but i just needed to get this out

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transmascissues · 4 months

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next time someone tries to tell me people don’t demonize and act violently toward trans men and transmascs, i’m just going to make them read this reply i got to a positivity post that was specifically about trans manhood and transmasculinity. this is basically just every negative thing people say no one says about us rolled into one message that’s aimed directly at us.

and as if this isn’t enough on its own, their whole blog is full of this disgusting shit. it seems to be dedicated to it, actually. (fair warning, don’t look at the next two screenshots if you don’t want to see even more genuinely awful transphobia.)

you can say what you want about how they’re probably just a troll or baiting or doing this for attention but the fact remains that, regardless of their true intentions, these are real things that a real person is saying about trans men&mascs, publicly and proudly and to our faces because they want it to do damage.

i’ve dealt with people like this before, on a much closer level. when i was a teenager, i had a grown woman come into my dms just to send me very graphic and detailed instructions on how to kill myself. literally entire paragraphs with all of the steps she wanted me to take. before i blocked her, i told her she was lucky she sent it to me and not someone more vulnerable, because otherwise she might have real blood on her hands. she just sent the whole thing again.

we can argue all day about infantilization versus demonization, erasure versus hypervisibility, what counts as violence, what words we use to talk about our oppression, and so on. but the reality is, whether you believe people want us dead or not, they clearly do, and a lot of them really aren’t making any effort to hide it. at this point, if you can’t see it, it’s because you don’t care about our lives enough to look at the reality that’s right in front of your face.

before you do anything else, block this person. don’t engage with them directly, don’t give them the satisfaction of the attention they might be fishing for, just block them. but don’t forget that they exist either, especially if you’re not a trans man or transmasc yourself. don’t just block them and move on and forget that there are real people out there who will say these things about us, who genuinely enjoy the thought that their actions might have deadly consequences.

because these are the people you empower to come out of hiding and start being blatant about their hatred when you insist that no one wants us dead, when you openly mock us and demonize us and try to cast us out from the community that we were supposed to share. when even our own people decide we’re an acceptable target, these bigots throw a fucking party because you’ve just told them they can get away with murder as long as it’s our blood on their hands. this particular blog was started recently, and i guarantee it’s not a coincidence that they started it in the midst of a rise in online anti-transmasculinity.

it really is telling, how much hate a positivity post has incited. y’all can’t stand when we talk about the bad things that happen to us, but you hate our happiness even more.

#i feel like i haven’t made a properly angry post in a while. so here’s this #tw suicide #tw suicide baiting #tw transphobic violence #examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilphobia #virilmisia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #normally i add more general tags but i don’t feel right putting these screenshots in those tags

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shaylogic · 10 months

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Queer Experience Watching Barbie - AFAB Masculinity

I started to go into this in tags on another post but I wanted to type this up separately and try to develop my thoughts a little more. . .

Ryan!Ken’s arc in Barbie (2023) has been buzzing in my head for days.

I got fixated on it for a couple of major reasons:

1) We rarely have seen a feminist movie take time to address men with compassion in how patriarchy harms them too.

2) As a trans masc person, I think it hits a specific part of my identity that I don’t consciously let myself think about for too long. Something about being raised in a female world with sisterhood and community. Then being isolated in adult manhood without the tools to prepare you for that. Conscientious of respecting women and being unbothered by feminimity around you, but not knowing your place in the world.

How do I put it?

I know it’s not the direct intention of the film itself, but I’ve seen other trans folks (especially transmasc), reacting similarly to the feeling we get from it.

Ken’s arc feels pretty reminicent of the struggle afab lgbt folks go through when considering masculinity in their identity (butch lesbians, afab nbs, trans men, etc.)

How to make peace with masculine aspects of yourself without losing the women in your life? (One can argue Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie has aspects of this as well.)

Of course, then Ken goes off on the adopting patriarchy ride, which IS the point of the movie, and may skew a bit from the transmasc read on it--though I have known a trans guy here and there who avoids being misgendered so hard that they can become somewhat sexist. To which I say: “You don’t need to have a dick to be a man, and you don’t need to BE a dick to be a man.” But I digress.

Something about Ken being comfortable in a woman’s world but not understanding why he’s being shut out from socially bonding with them (in any sense! Romantic, Familial, Platonic Friendship. . .)

The overall theme of the movie for both Barbie and Ken--in an allegory of heavy gender roles harming all--leading them each to have to figure out who they are in themselves, regardless of others. . .

Trans masc folx can relate to both Barbie and Ken’s arcs.

I don’t want to detract from Barbie’s arc being the main point of the movie.

I think the reason why we get hung up on Ryan!Ken’s character is because. . . we’ve related to the Barbie plot in other movies and shows before, thinking back to our “girlhoods” as children.

I have never seen the arc Ken has in this in any other story!!!!

There are some Man Movies that have attempted to discuss the struggle of Being a Man--but they often come off as too dismissive of feminine experiences, and are therefore as offputting to transmasc people as women.

Because of the nature of the two worlds exhibited in this movie, and Ken’s backround in his setting, personality, and purpose in relation to the Barbies, he’s a Man living with Female Socialization, in a Woman’s World; he’s a male character that inherently admires and respects women in his nature (until the real world influence distorts it).

This isn’t a perfect example of a transmasc experience either, but it’s a lot closer than most of us generally get to see! That’s why so many of us are getting caught up in this.

Please, other trans folx (transfems, too!), I really need us to have a discussion about this. What were your experiences and thoughts around this movie?

P.S. Yeah, we kinda get that nonbinary allegory from Allan (not a Ken, not a Barbie, siding with Feminism in the Gender War), but he wasn’t in significant focus of the plot the way Ryan!Ken was. If I try to read into Allan, I don’t have much to work with.

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punksocks · 3 months

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Astrology Observations: No.28

*just based on my observations, only take what resonates

(Sorry it’s been a minute, I got my time back then I got sick- like same day! I’m good now, thank god, but it was absolutely insane and everything has been going on in the world, my God)

-If your moon opposes your ascendant you may be known for making the wrong impressions on people (especially first impressions) at some point in your life

-Not the first time I said this but I feel like Libra Asc tend to need to balance out aspects of their life more bc of their houses having the opposite signs over them.

-On the other hand I feel like Aries asc have a very straightforward, sometimes less complicated world view bc of their houses lining up with their traditional rulers.

-Mars in determemt and fall (Libra, cancer, 12th house) really gives you a finite amount of stamina

-I feel like cancer venus/moons tend to wax the most poetically and romantically about the nostalgia they feel. Even stronger for Venus.

-Men with cancer placements be like: I didn’t know I was manipulating you into being nice to me until it was already happening (lmao oof)

-I noticed Aries and Scorpio Sun men/masc folks can get romanticized a lot, I think this is bc their identity is ruled by mars traditionally, so they tend to be assigned more masculine traits/act their traits out in a more “traditionally” (or even just comfortably) masculine way

-Aqua Sun/asc/venus usually have some features that makes their face really stand out I noticed (unique brow/nose/head shape etc) (idk why I haven’t seen this with moons as much)

-Signs in your 8th house may come off as mysterious or hard to understand

-You may find it really easy to vibe with people that have Sun conjunct your Asc

-I’ve noticed that a lot of Virgo mars may eat like really spicy or punishing foods (especially if the mars is in a fire house)

-Saturn aspecting your big 3 can help you age really well- depending on how well you take care of yourself (extreme example: dick van dyke, he’s almost 100 and he’s still jumping around with so much energy)

-Pisces placements can be like incredibly intelligent and yet still come off as a bit spacey (one of my favorite YouTubers used to head extra credits and he is SO SMART, like just a seriously huge capacity for knowledge but he sounds spacey when he does his chill gameplays and pieces things together unscripted lol)

-Jupiter square/opposition Sun can make you come off as overly pessimistic, it can also make you come off as optimistic at the wrong times (laughing at serious moments, etc)

-Taurus placements are so motivated by food, it’s so real (the amount of times I’ve had a Taurus sun/moon/mars not hear a word I was saying bc they were scoping out a restaurant? Countless lol)

-I notice a lot of rappers & musicians (especially the innovative ones) have major Pisces placements

-Aries moons get emotional fulfillment by winning what they chase after (Aries in big 6 tends to make you go after things in general too imo)

-I noticed sometimes Leo moon can make you a bit self centered, like in the most literal sense, you may have trouble understanding perspectives outside of your own

-Virgos and Geminis and 3rd/6th house placements have great memory but they tend to forget certain aspects. They tend to forget or mix up details. (My ex took like 3 years to remember my middle name beyond the first initial lol god; also, I always remember zodiac signs but not birthdays lol)

-I love how Joe Pera has a cancer Mercury and his comedy is like the coziest comedy I’ve ever heard, he even got his following bc his helping people fall asleep and just talking through his chill podcast (did not expect him to have like the most fire in his chart tho?? Wouldn’t have guessed lol)- Pisces Mercury and Mercury with hard aspects to Neptune probably have a cozy affect on others when they communicate with them too

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ilycosy · 4 months

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bottom luke! bottom luke! bottom luke—

i may be a subbottom but a gal can dream !!! (also my friend eats bottom luke up so :3)

i js know that he'd be such a 50/50 guy tbh !!! ur either getting the sweetest boy ever or the biggest brat ever (headcanons !!!!)

warnings : TLT SPOILERS , afab + amab! reader , pegging , overstim , dacryphilia , creampie , petnames (pretty boy, sweet boy, princess) , daddy & mommy kink , loving sex but also toxic , also YES i feminized luke

afab reader (mommy kink)

୨୧ — he's definitely more on the good boy spectrum with somebody that has a mommy kink, especially if they're on the softer side of it?? he's so whipped and ready to listen

୨୧ — gets super embarrassed though when it's brought up, being the best swordsman at camp he definitely struggles with the need to be dominant or prove himself capable of taking care of you (which he can !! you just like taking care of him more)

୨୧ — ok now onto the actual sex !! he's superr whiny, like im talking high pitched and having to muffle his noises in the bed type whiny. hes constantly out of breath and panting when being prepped, no matter the amount of fingers

୨୧ — he says he prefers smaller straps because they're easier to take but i think he's just a little insecure (that can be fixed w a little bit of talking)

୨୧ — weak at the mfing knees for being called a good boy— "you're such a good boy for mommy!" "good boy, now turn around." "be a good boy for me?" — he's a puddle on the floor now

୨୧ — he definitely gets jealous if he finds out you've pegged others (i said it was a lil toxic !!!) so he ends up with his own toys, mainly out of spite rather than actual concern for germs (also ,, who doesn't love custom stuff ??)

୨୧ — as an apology for the betrayal, he basically begs you to use him (his words not mine) he lowk doesn't want you to stop until he's crying and can't cum anymore. he tries to run off before aftercare and tbh won't accept it due to guilt (unless you join him , like i said , he's toxic)

— afab reader 🤝 amab reader = calling luke pretty boy

amab reader (daddy kink)

୨୧ — different from afab, i think he would lean more on the bratty side. he definitely has issues with accepting men as authority figures (look at his dad) so i think it might take some getting used to being the bottom (esp the sub)

୨୧ — he never talks about it, especially when others could potentially hear. he likes making people believe that he's the dominant one in the relationship even though he's not and both of you know it

୨୧ — actual sex !! he's still super whiny, but he probably tries to hide it a lot more. he chokes up a lot on his own spit from holding it in (dw just force his mouth open !!) but for some reason he seems to like it better that way, being forced to make noise

୨୧ — doesn't really matter how big you are, but he definitely leans more on size queen... !! he tries to hide it but he can't help but buck his hips back onto your cock when it's near

୨୧ — he will never admit it, but being called princess and being treated like he's fragile will always get him going— "cmere princess, come sit." "shh princess, you don't want people to hear do you?" "are you seriously that desperate for daddy's cock princess?" — he's WEAK !!!!

୨୧ — don't ever and i mean ever talk about your sex life in front of others, you don't even need to have slept with people for him to be clawing at your back to make sure you know you're his later !!

୨୧ — he definitely expects you to join his side w the betrayal, he can't fathom putting sm trust and allowing a masc authority figure in his life like that only for you to side w others— he begs and pleads during the hate (or love if you're going w him) fuck for you to cum in him so he has something

★ general note, while i wrote this w fem & masc readers in mind (duh) i think luke doesn't care abt genitals and relies more on terms w how he acts !!! like if you were afab but liked to be called daddy he'd be more bratty & vice versa <3

#cosywriting #cosynsfw #cosyreqs #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan smut #luke castellan #luke castellan x you #luke castellan fanfiction #luke castellan fic #🎀 asks #castellanswrld #male reader #female reader

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faggy--butch · 4 months

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I saw you mention Jammidoger and I'm a little ? about the context, can you elaborate? Have a great day no matter what tho

Sure! Last year, Jamie did a video with OBGYN Mama Doctor Jones, who is a wonderful person to watch, she uses gender neutral language to talk about reproductive care, talks about trans care, all that good stuff. The video in question is an interview with Jamie, in which he does talk about how trans men deal with a lot of medical transphobia in general but especially in reproductive care, but then be says something along the lines of "But this is a small violin in comparison to what trans women go through" This didn't sit right with me whatsoever.

He minimized everything that he said just seconds before.

We know for a fact that cis women are marginalized in the medical system, that cis women die from lack of care when it comes to all sorts of things but especially reproductive health.

Trans men and mascs deal with that but WORSE. Just an example is that when you are on testosterone, it can be harder to know when you are ovulating or pregnant, and if doctors are already unwilling to listen to AFAB people ( and I say AFAB in this very specific medical context) think of how much harder it is for trans men to navigate.

It can and Has killed us. Robert Eads was denied medical care over and over because he was legally male, and he died of Ovarian cancer. That's serious! that's no small violin. It was kind of crushing tbh to hear him say this. Jamie obviously comes from a place of privilege, he was able to fully transition and I'm happy for him but that's no excuse to be reductive and ignorant.

#asks #transandrophobia #jammidodger

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ftmtftm · 10 months

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This isn't something I have fully articulated thoughts on yet but honestly? I really do think that transandrophobia and the way people who talk about their experiences with it are isolated is, in part, why transmedicalism existed (exists still? I'm very detached from that discourse now) as a primarily trans man/trans masc dominated ideology.

I'm going to share my own experience and I can only speak for myself here, but when I was a really isolated late teen/early 20-something dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma re: my assault (that happened as a result of me coming out as trans to an ex), some immediate family's reaction to my transition being "well why can't you just be a masculine woman", and frustration about not being able to medically transition yet combined with the mid-2010's pressure to be a non-threatening feminine soft boy, I got sucked into transmedicalism.

I do want to be upfront and recognize a lot of my feelings at the time were a trauma response and projection. I recognize this now but I had no resources to recognize that then. I just want to make it clear from the start that I know my own thinking was flawed, that's why I'm reflecting on it openly so others can potentially recognize something that resonates here within themselves and grow.

Getting back into it though- I felt really triggered all the time in general trans spaces because of that 2010's culture. I felt pressured to be feminine or a woman in trans spaces online, just like I did around my ex or at home. I didn't want to undercut my masculinity or manhood for other people's comfort, especially not for other trans people who I felt should've understood. In contrast to this though, transmedicalist spaces and the trans men within them DID actually offer the support I was asking for. I was actually given space to talk about my assault and the pressures I was experiencing with a bunch of other trans men/trans mascs who understood it for the first time, ever really.

The idea of "there is a medical explanation for gender dysphoria that can be treated with medical transition" was also really comforting to my traumatized mind that kept thinking "if I'm open about my assault someone is going to accuse me of just being traumatized and not actually trans, if medicine is on my side I can prove them wrong" Which - let me be clear again - was a very traumatized way of thinking. I do not think that way anymore thanks to therapy and cultivating a healthier relationship with my body and gender and transness. I was not the only trans man with a history of assault that felt this way in the transmed community at the time though.

And I'm not justifying any of this ideologically right? Like. Transmedicalism is fundamentally flawed and incorrect in many of its ideas about sex, gender, and gender identity. Many people who believe in transmed ideology spout some absolutely horrible, transphobic bullshit on the regular and often align their ideology with conservatism and TERFs. I'm not here to defend transmedicalism.

What I am saying is this: It makes sense that a group of ostracized individuals who felt like they had no space to express their traumas would cling onto transmedicalism because it was the only ideological community giving them space to talk about it. Hate movements thrive on preying upon those kinds of vulnerable, traumatized people.

I'm just thinking about a lot of the friends I met via transmedicalism back then and now they're all either TERFs with a lot of repressed trauma and internalized transphobia that I've since cut off completely or they had a similar realization to myself and discovered their attachment to transmedicalism was rooted in trauma and a desire for trans masc community, addressed it, and now they live much healthier, happier lives.

I'm losing steam fast thinking about all of this because recounting trauma takes a physical toll on one's body BUT tl;dr I really do think if we had healthier spaces to address trans male/trans masculine traumas within the wider trans community via conversations about transandrophobia back 5+ years ago we wouldn't fully be here now wrt: how large transmedicalism became as a movement. I genuinely think I wouldn't have been sucked into that space if there had been more resources and space to talk about the experiences I was having, all of which are things people naming transandrophobia are trying to address in healthy manners.

I think healthy, open, conversations about transandrophobia in wider community spaces can do so much good to protect people who were in vulnerable positions like I was and can absolutely potentially prevent more people from getting sucked into the false support offered by hate movements within our own community.

#transandrophobia #transmisandry #transmedicalism #discourse /#long post /#ftm #trans masc #trans man #original post #first post too wooo !! i figured i should make myself a space to actually talk about this stuff so i stop bothering my gf 💀#she's cool with it i'm just autistic and talk a lot and knows she needs breaks lmao

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the-gladiolus · 1 year

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Tips For Passing as Male I Accidentally Stumbled Upon While Minding My Own Genderfluid Business:

(Btw everyone deserves to be gendered correctly no matter how they act, these are just some tips that you may try if you would like.)

1. Keep your posture open. Feet shoulder width apart and pointing out, shoulders back, chest forward, energy all directed outward. Even though you may think openness makes your chest or stature more obvious, the energy/confidence is what people notice first, not the content.

2. That said, you don’t have to hold yourself like a peacock the whole time. I’ve learned that people go off the assumption they make when first meeting you, and then don’t really look again - so if the first thing they see is a cis guy, you can relax after that, they rarely double check.

3. When it seems appropriate, offer a handshake when meeting people, especially other guys, and hold a little tighter than is strictly natural. I know it sounds stupid, but it goes far; I’ve been offered more handshakes by guys these past 2 years of somewhat masc presentation than I have all 16 previous years combined. Guys just be shakin hands w/ each other

4. Again, when it makes sense, consider “dapping up” a guy if you know each other, traditionally when you part ways. To do this, proffer your dominant hand in a loose C shape like you’re holding an invisible cup, and when they clasp theirs with yours, lift the hands a few inches in the air and then lower them and release on the way down (sometimes accompanied by opposite hand on the tricep/shoulder, I.e. bro hug. Istg the things men do 💀)

5. If you have the space and it won’t annoy anyone, manspread a bit when you sit

6. Keep your head lifted when you’re out in public - makes your jaw look broader and suggests confidence, I.e. keeping posture open

7. If you want your voice to sound lower, try humming a low note while you’re alone to see how that feels in your throat and know where that timbre comes from in your chest. It’s easier to regulate your voice on command when you experiment, find the strings to pull in yourself to bring out the low sound.

8. Consider peppering in an “as much as the next guy” in conversation. Subtle phrase, but stakes your claim clearly

9. Exude some extra anti-shyness around guys. Make a point to nod to them in greeting and make eye contact like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Little gestures of brazenness go a long way to say “we’re the same”

10. When speaking to a group of guys, try matching their vocal patterns and tone: if they say “like” and “dude” a lot for example, pepper those in too. This works in all situations actually, it will make you seem agreeable and similar to anyone, but it especially works well when you’re trying to blend in with a crowd

11. Clothes with flannel and wool are really good for disguising characteristics you might want to hide

12. Try darkening these areas (outlined in blue) of your face with eyeshadow a bit darker than your skin tone. Eyeshadow blends with skin texture better than things like foundation and it’s hard to smudge, so it’s usually unnoticeable while it adds depth and sharpness to these areas.

#transmasc #transgender #trans guy #trans tips #trans #trans man #trans ftm #trans masc #trans things #everyone I meet thinks I’m a guy help #how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #straight passing #trans passing

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orkbutch · 2 months

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So, I'm not really in the weeds of Transgender Discourse on the internet (I have a life and also care about my mental health) but I've seen something discussed here about trans masculinity and I wanna talk about it.

I'm very masculine. I'm butch, I'm trans masc, I've always wanted to be masculine and I feel most comfortable when I'm presenting as such. Without much effort or any intention on my part I am read as a cis man day to day. Because I don't present more fem, in queer spaces I am read and recieved as a man, maybe trans, probably into other men. People do not even consider if I'm a butch lesbian unless there's Significant context indicating it. Because of this I'm viewed through 'Man Lens'; It feels a different if I say 'bitch', if I talk about my attraction to women. I don't get smiled at, people put physical distance between me and them as much as possible.

This is familiar for a lot of trans masculine people and trans men that aren't androgynous/fem leaning in their style, and it is an upsetting change to happen. It makes us feel judged or misunderstood to suddenly be causing this wariness in others; it feels prejudiced. I've seen people putting words to this like transmisandry. This is something they want to lessen in their communities, so they don't have to experience this anymore.

Now, here's my opinion part: That's not going to happen. You cannot tackle the "problem" of people responding to your masculinity with wariness. They aren't controlling the wariness, they can't. More importantly, their wariness toward masculinity and what registers in their brain as "man-like" is well founded. It's based in lifetimes of experiences and trauma that has told them men can be very unsafe to be around, and that is true. Most men are cis, and cis men are the most threatening thing in this world to non-cis men. They are usually* socially privileged above others, more likely to inflict violence, more likely to abuse and murder others, are typically physically more powerful than others. Everyone thats not a cis man DEEPLY internalises a very rational wariness of men, and masculine presentation as an extension. Especially men that are strangers. (*This is of course different when we consider intersections of race, colonialism, classism, ect. But globally this generalisation is still pretty accurate.)

Honestly, I don't think this wariness towards masculine presentation is something thats useful or realistic to challenge. Like many internalised processes it's probably a good idea to examine it and consider its usefulness, but I think it'd be easy to conclude that it is a useful wariness for people to have. Women have lots of reasons to be wary around men, including the unique threats of transmisogyny. Queer and gender deviant men have lots of reasons to be wary around men. This is The Reality of patriarchy.

Personally, the place I've come to with how women and queer people react to my masculinity (which is not entirely negative btw, the wariness is just one aspect) is that... I understand their wariness. I have it too, toward those my brain assumes are cis men. I cannot control how they feel or what they think about me. I can only be respectful to others and to myself and live my life. I flag my butchness where I can, I make my gender clear to those it matters to, and the rest I accept as largely beyond my influence. All of us have to do this in some places in our lives.

Even though my masculinity makes other queers wary, I have lots of friends! I've had no real trouble dating or finding intimacy. Initial wariness is just that. Once you understand each other, break the barrier, its usually settled. For anyone who finds my masculinity so offputting that we can't break the barrier, I'm glad neither of us put each other through that discomfort. I understand where a fear like that comes from. I will still hold community with them because that's what solidarity entails.

Anyway thats my ramble about masculinity in queer community, good bye until another. who knows how long

#back on the tumblr diary #personal #edited the section about women having reasons to fear men and transmisogyny; poorly phrased lol.

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neechees · 6 months

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Hi! You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, that's totally fine! But you talking about Orville Peck's appropriation of indigenous culture with his fashion choices made me realize that I had never considered that there might be some aspects of "cowboy clothes" that white ppl shouldn't wear and that was super wrong of me. Again, you totally don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering what ways a white person could wear "cowboy clothes" in a manner that wasn't disrespectful? Or perhaps, should we not wear them at all? I can't afford T yet, but when I can finally get it I was planning on getting a cowboy outfit to embrace my trans mascness, but if that would be wrong of me I can scrap that plan no problem!

Ehhh again this is actually SUPER HARD to answer because almost everything about cowboy fashion & the cowboy "aesthetics" are lifted directly from Native American fashion and culture, either because a lot of cowboys back in the day were Native American themselves (including Afro-Natives & Indigenous Mexican vaqueros) or they were White & just kinda. stole the look from the Native cowboys due to a number of factors.

If you google "cowboy jewelry" the first thing that comes up is silverwork & belts & turquoise jewelry, which is taken from Navajo metalwork. Fringed leather clothing? Again, many Native tribes did that (& in some tribes the fringes could mean something, its not just for looks), most popularily with vests, jackets, and pants. A lot if the leather jackets were a result of Native women just sewing their clothes the same but in a European styled cut. Compare this "cowboy" look below to a Lakota war shirt: both have hair embellishments dangling from the arms.

Studded belts? Inspired by Cheyenne mirror belts, which often also have metal studs in them & you'll still see Native pow wow dancers have this in their regalia. Floral vests? A lot of the inspiration comes from Plains floral beadwork. Geometric patterns and blankets? Came from Southwest or Mexican Native American blankets & designs, ask any Navajo weaver & they'll tell you the same. Feathers in cowboy hats? Who else is famous for wearing feathers on their heads--? Native Americans. The look is still popular with older Native men.

Hell, if you visit this site that sells Western/cowboy fashion, you'll see a SHITTON of appropriation going on, taking Native imagery & designs, including one taken from Native American ledger art, all on White models.

The appropriation of Native culture and fashion in the cowboy/western sphere is ongoing, and the influence that Native fashion & culture has in Western/cowboy fashion as it is is absolutely MASSIVE. I once said in another post that the cowboy/western aesthetic essentially belongs to Native Americans, Latines (especially Mexicans), and Black people. And the history of White cowboys has been one largely of colonialism, racism, and displacement of Indigenous peoples, and the masculinity associated with White cowboys especially is also steeped into racism & American patriotism (think John Wayne. There's a reason he's an American icon who played cowboys & killing Indians in films.). I think the only thing that isn't influenced from either appropriation or colonization is like, jeans. Even the style of cowboy boots themselves and potentially chaps were influenced from vaqueros.

So if you're White I'm not sure that'd exactly be a good route to take because trying to seperate Indigenous elements from this fashion/look (nevermind the problematic history of White cowboys) is almost impossible. Obviously I can't force you to do anything, but honestly if I were you, I'd try a different direction, because otherwise I think you'll find trying to do this will be very hard.

#anonymous #history

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spacelazarwolf · 2 years

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actually yeah i would like to talk about how other queer people specifically were the reason it took me so long to come out as a gay trans man

(this is really fucking long, but especially if you’re not a trans man or trans masc, i’d like you to read it all the way through.)

as a preface, i’m not a kid. i’m a fully fledged adult who has been in the queer community for about ten years now, both online and offline. most of the queer people i know irl are my age or older. i turn 30 next year. also before you use the words ‘chronically online’, consider the fact that the things people say online are what they actually believe and will take out into the world with them.

anyway.

when i try to talk about transphobia directed at trans men and mascs from within the queer community, or lateral aggression from trans people who are not trans men or trans mascs (this is not just trans women and femmes, this includes any trans people who aren’t trans men or mascs. i have heard some vile shit out of the mouths of other ‘afab’* trans people), people often respond with “but cishets are the real enemy!!! they’re the ones causing all the actual damage and oppression!!!!!” and while i get the sentiment, that is where you’re wrong my friend. the thing causing my oppression isn’t cishets, it’s the cisheteropatriarchy. cishets tend to be the ones that chug that koolaid most readily, but queer people, even other trans people, have gleefully gulped down gallons of the stuff, and that specifically is what made it so difficult for me to accept myself and come out.

*i fucking hate the term ‘afab’ but this post is already so goddamn long

when i first entered the lgbtq community, it was on facebook in the early 2010′s. before that, i’d been stuck in a conservative small town and didn’t even know that not being a girl was an option. so obviously when i encountered a bunch of people that were like me, i was ecstatic and wanted to be a part of their community. because i still thought i was a girl at the time, i was immediately funneled into sapphic spaces. for the most part, they were great and lovely, i just felt left out because i couldn’t relate to the way they talked about their love of women. but i knew i was some sort of fruity, which meant clearly i was just repressing my attraction to women, so i needed to try harder to like women. some of this came from the things i’d heard in those groups, but a lot of it was just pressure from myself to deal with a reality that didn’t make sense.

the longer i spent in those groups, though, the more i ran into rhetoric like ‘men are inherently incapable of love and respect, it is impossible to be in a truly fulfilling relationship with a man’ and ‘masculinity is inherently evil and femininity is inherently good.’ some people tried to have nuance, but a lot, especially cis women, didn’t. in those groups, people were mocked for being in relationships with men, they were told that if they had a boyfriend they weren’t even allowed to mention it in the group because the group needed to be a ‘space completely free of men’, people were told that if they were being abused by a man then it was their fault because they should have been dating a woman instead, they should have known better. i was one of those people who was blamed for my own abuse.

as i started to realize that shit maybe i’m not a girl, there was a lot of pressure for me to make sure that i always stayed within the confines of ‘non man.’ because the second i slid over that line, it was over. i was lost. does that rhetoric sound familiar? it’s terf rhetoric, and the irony is that all of these spaces explicitly condemned terfs.

i was in a group for ‘non men’ and when people in the group came out as trans men, they were asked to leave. the network of groups that this one was connected to was of the mindset that trans men oppressed all nonmen, including cis women. the reasoning given was ‘it would be misgendering!!!!!!!’ but behind closed internet doors, the actual reasons were very clear. on a scale of ‘oppressed’ to ‘privileged’ it went trans women -> cis women -> trans men -> cis men, with nonbinary people being inserted into whatever category was most convenient for argument’s sake.

after that, i stuffed my doubts down for years, terrified of crossing that horrible threshold from ‘nonman’ to ‘man.’ even now, i still cling to the term ‘nonbinary’ because it makes other queer people view me as a more complex person. as soon as i started tentatively using the word ‘man’ to describe myself without all the disclaimers of ‘but don’t worry i’m not actually a man!!!!! i’m still a person!!!!!!!’, the way people interacted with me changed drastically.

i was the exact same person, still non-passing, still gender noncomforming, still someone with a very complex relationship to gender because of my sexuality and being autistic, but because that word ‘man’ was there, suddenly people felt they had the right to silence me and speak over me. cis women who were being blatantly transphobic dismissed me saying ‘i don’t argue with men’, queer people dismissed me saying ‘stop mansplaining’ and telling me that regardless of my presentation, regardless of how i was treated out in the world, i was still privileged because i identified with the label of ‘man.’

i made a video on tik tok about how traumatic it was to come to terms with being a man as someone who has been hurt by cis men, and an old mutual of mine started tagging me in cis men’s videos about unlearning toxic masculinity, telling me i needed to watch myself if i was going to be a man. another mutual also shared in that trauma, and theirs was exacerbated by a racial element. i tried to make more videos about my experiences, documented by journey with top surgery, but as soon as i started speaking loudly about including trans men and mascs in the fight for abortion rights, everything went downhill.

terfs started to find my account and get my videos taken down. queer cis women claimed i was ‘silencing women’ and used the ‘trans man’ in my bio to claim ‘mansplaining’ despite the fact i am nonpassing and the world sees me as a woman. a trans femme stitched one of my videos to chide me for saying that repealing roe v wade affected trans men and mascs, because i should have been talking about how it affected trans women and femmes and the rest of the queer community, not ‘centering men.’ a trans woman commented on their post in my defense, and they deleted her comment. after that, cis women reported by account by the dozens and i was eventually banned.

that’s when i realized, men hadn’t caused me trauma. the cisheteropatriarchy had caused me trauma. the system that had allowed my abusive ex to treat me the way he did, that allowed my friends to watch and say nothing, that allowed a woman who was a bystander in a public domestic violence incident to complain to us that we were ruining her day at the mall and threatening to call the police on both of us rather than standing up for someone who was literally publicly being physically attacked. the system that allowed cis women to say, quite literally, that because trans men and mascs were a numerical minority of the people who would be affected by the repealing of roe v wade that we shouldn’t be in the spotlight, that cis women should be centered, that it was somehow ‘misogyny’ to point out that anti-abortion laws quite literally would affect trans men and mascs more severely and in more ways than cis women.

women and other queer people may not have been the ones hitting me or writing these bills, but for years they were the ones telling me my abuse was my fault, that i was morally incorrect for being a man, that i could never love or be loved if i was a man, that i should sit down and shut up, regardless of how much my community was hurting and dying. that i would always be an afterthought, if even.

i think very often about two tik toks i saw of a trans masc person talking about transition, and one said “you spend the first half of your life being subjugated by the sins of men, then you transition and you spend the rest of your life paying for the sins of men” and the other commented about another user’s video saying “a beard, facial hair, stands in the way of this person being perceived as innocent and being perceived as capable of roofieing your drink.”

and i realized that’s part of why i’m terrified to go on t. completely separate from the fact that i have a career which relies on my voice so going on t would absolutely nuke that, i have already experienced so much aggression and isolation based on just identifying as a man. i cannot even begin to imagine how much worse it would get if i started to look ‘like a man.’ i have lamented the fact that i’m forced to lose my softness, whether i want to or not, that the very community that wants to break down barriers and liberate people are the ones who are forcing me into a box for the sake of convenience in online arguments.

and people can mock me and go on about ‘toxic masculinity’ all they want, but this is a hard truth about the community that we really need to start talking about, because i have absolutely no doubt that experiences like mine are what contributes to trans men and masc’s astronomically high rates of suicide, self harm, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.

i feel more like myself than i ever have in my life. and i also feel more isolated than i ever have in my life. there was a moment where things finally clicked for me, and for a fraction of a second i was so excited. i wanted to share my revelation with my community and be celebrated. but then i thought back about the way people had talked about men, trans men, masculinity, loving men, and that little tiny moment of celebration was brought to a screeching halt. i realized that every other time i’d seen a gay trans man or masc come out and talk about their gender and sexuality, the responses had been peppered with ‘sorry for ur loss’, ‘ew lol’, ‘so u chose to become a man?????’, ‘omg u have to date men and be a man????? i feel sorry for u lmao.’

and now as i delve into the dating pool as a gay trans man, i see that all this online bullshit isn’t just ‘chronically online,’ it’s manifested in real life too. the way queer trans men and mascs are treated as entitled for wanting to date cis queer men, the way people respond if we say we’re unhappy with just being a hookup or a fling because we should be happy anyone wanted us in the first place. the way we’re treated as fetishizers and freaks, the way people specifically search through the ‘ftm’ tag on grindr looking for ‘sissy boys/femme bottoms/etc’ then get angry when you don’t respond to them. the way other queer people respond to you when you try to talk about this. the way trans men and mascs who can’t go on t are treated as less than men but also aren’t allowed to talk about their experience of someone perceived as ‘less than men’, the way testosterone is spoken about in queer communities as a poison, as something that makes you ugly and disfigured and gross and dirty when for so many of us it’s literally lifesaving medical treatment. the way we can’t talk about the things we go through without random cis people dragging trans women and femmes into it when, even though there are some concerning trends of lateral violence that need to be discussed, most of the aggression comes from cis queer women.

so when trans men make posts or host events or just do anything to celebrate trans manhood and masculinity, and your first reaction is to make fun of us, project your frustration with the cisheteropatriarchy, or respond with “we don’t need positivity for men”, i want you to think about the number of trans men and mascs who kill ourselves, and i want you to think “maybe i should not say this, maybe i should just do this one thing to make life a little easier for them, even if i don’t get it.”

#trans #transgender #trans man #trans masc #queer #trans community #queer community #lgbtq #transphobia #transandrophobia #transmisandry #antimasculism #it does not fucking matter what we call it #what matters is that it's killing us and y'all don't want to acknowledge it

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transmascissues · 2 years

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i think we need to talk more about the very specific language people use to talk about trans men&mascs’ bodies, because the language they use evokes a very particular image. they call us dirty, ugly, deformed, mutilated, poisoned, ruined, and just generally “gross” and what it boils down to is a very pervasive sense of body horror.

people are genuinely disgusted by the mere existence of our bodies. i’ve experienced this in my own life, most poignantly when my father (who has otherwise been relatively supportive of my transition) replied to my desire for top surgery with “it’s not natural! nature doesn’t make people like that!”

transmasculinity — particularly visible, tangible, bodily transmasculinity — activates something in their subconscious that they don’t know how to reconcile with. they see us and immediately fall back on disgust because they can’t make sense of us any other way.

and this kind of visceral, all-emcompassing disgust is very specific to how people treat trans men&mascs. you might see similar things directed at other trans people, but it’s never quite the same. there is a very specific disgust that cis people (and honestly, a lot of trans people) reserve solely for us.

this is something i think all trans men&mascs have grappled with at some point in our lives, especially if we pursue a medical transition. any steps we make toward a body we feel good about will require wading through the cognitive dissonance of knowing that the bodies we strive to exist in will only ever be seen as dirty and ugly and wrong.

i can attest to this personally: when t started making me grow facial hair, i had to convince myself not to immediately shave it off because even though i loved it, i couldn’t shake the feeling of how other people would look at my face differently.

more generally, when i look at pictures of myself pre-t, as strange and uncanny-valley-ish it is to see myself like that now that i look much closer to how i want to look, i can’t help but be struck by how *pretty* i was. i know that’s all anyone else would notice — not how much more comfortable i am, but how pretty i used to be and how i gave it up.

just a few days ago, i had a moment in the shower where i just closed my eyes and imagined shouting at my mother: “this body is not yours this body is not yours this body is not yours” over and over because she, more than anyone else, has made it abundantly clear that every step i’ve taken has ruined my body somehow and she, like so many other trans men&mascs’ mothers, has made it her mission to clean me up and pretty me up and make me presentable again.

because that’s how the world at large sees our bodies: unsightly and corrupted and in many ways the grotesque physical manifestations of of some social sickness that they believe will destroy everything they value.

the disgust expressed toward other trans people tends to be a more abstract one — often a moral disgust, expressing that the action of being trans is objectionable to them. even bodily disgust is surrounded by these more abstract themes (think of people talking about transfeminine expression as a perversion of femininity — it’s not inherently the expression that’s the problem but the actions someone took to get achieve that expression, because femininity is supposed to be something good and pure and putting it down outright would go against that).

but when it comes to trans men&mascs, there is nothing abstract about that disgust. it’s incredibly physical — a visceral, tangible horror at the existence of our flesh and bone. they hate us down to the blood in our veins. they hate us down to our cells.

#in my experience this is the hardest part of internalized transandrophobia to work through #because its one of the easiet messages to internalize in the first place #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #trans men #transmascs

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scarefox · 4 months

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Alright before I have to see someone else misunderstanding this

as bad writing or Playboyy being like 'tall guy must be top always'! No... he is literally complaining about other people who judge him... it's his experience!

He is saying his dating life is difficult because of his height. Might be surprising to some but LGBTq folks can be sexist and toxic masc as well. So some exclusive tops (yes, exclusive tops and bottoms exist) may not like to be with a bottom who's taller. (this mindset exists with hetero cis men too who don't date girls who are taller than them / or many women don't like dating men who are smaller... that is often rooted in sexism but sometimes may just be not that deep preferences)

But yet if he's trying to be the top in the relationship they would complain about his D size. Which also surprise: a big D is not as badass as society makes it seem for some reason. Like at some point it can become uncomfortable or painful for the one who receives.

And the "It's funny" is simply that because his size is ideal for porn and fetish but apparently not asked in RL.

And in conclusion that makes Nuth his perfect partner because he is tall too, is into Phop as he is and likes to switch with him even.

So yea, that's imo an actual realistic conversation here but obviously doesn't get talked about often 🤷‍♂️ And just picking this line out of context just to point finger how badly written Playboyy is... is not it fam... especially if we consider that the director and the writer are both gay men.

(also can we please stop pretending as if the whole concept of topping and bottoming can not be talked about because ????? i don't even know where that comes from?? Especially when queer people talking about their own experiences and preferences? that's not what the top/bottom discourse is supposed to be about, the discourse is about generalizations and assumptions based on stereotypes...)

#the comment I am referring to got deleted by op after I mentioned the whole context of that line #playboyy the series #playboyy #ep8 #nuth x phop

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punksocks · 10 months

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BM Lilith Aspecting Ascendant Culture:

*Just based on my experiences, only take what resonates

-Being labeled as a weirdo as a kid and being outcasted from most social groups

-Getting to know the other outcasts and caring for them

-Being seen as feisty and often being blamed for starting fights when you stand up for yourself

-Having authority figures dote on you, often taking too much interest in you and what you’ll do

-Otherwise having beefs for seemingly the most petty reasons with other authority figures (which is crazy like why are grown folks fighting kids)

-Or being surprised that figures you looked up to seemed to have ulterior motives (especially conjuct, square, and opposition)

-Often you grow up being shamed to the point that you don’t grow into yourself and become confident in your Lilith energy until you’re older (late high school, early college, post college even). this is especially true for hard aspects (conjunct, opposition, square)

-People assume you’re mean and find you intimidating and are surprised if you’re nice to them

-Sometimes your kindness can mistaken for weakness and people severely underestimate your power and all of the hardships you’ve gone through in your life

-You may have gone through a period of downplaying your femininity/being a pick me before embracing your femininity/probably becoming a feminist

-You may be drawn towards alternative/unique styles that express a darker femininity

-You may be drawn to having an unnatural hair color (as I write this my hair is pink and orange so I get it)

-You may also identify as non-binary or femme instead of cis because of how much you don’t identify with traditional femininity

-No matter what you wear, it looks s*xy. You could be covered from head to toe and it wouldn’t make that much of a difference

-You may have gone through a period of wearing lots of layers to hide your body shape. Then embracing your curves by wearing more stylized outfits.

-People will often react as if you’re dressed scandalously for work or for different occasions even though the same outfit wouldn’t catch negative attention for anyone else

-Very specific but you may struggle when dating other women/femmes to either close the distance between you or to not unlock some petty behavior with the person you’re dating

-Maybe going through a phase of dating around after you come into your attractiveness. Partially being surprised by the attention (especially if you date men/masc folks) and partially being shocked by how dudes react when you date them (getting possessive and controlling only a few dates in)

-No matter how many people you date you tend to get shamed by friends or family for dating around

-But taking a certain amount of pride in the attention you’re getting after your glow up (if square or opposition your Asc you probably go back and forth between pride and anxiety/disgust)

-Getting favors from total strangers but evil eyes from (some) family/close friends

-Having to be aware of mean girl behavior for the rest of your life (4th house for family/7th & 8th house for relationships/10th house workplaces/1st house every aspect of your life lowkey and the experiences will likely shape your personality)

-Often growing out of friendships because you realize some people don’t actually like you but they’re indulgent on some aspect of your energy (for example, seeing you as strong so they like to “humble you” and make you feel small)

-Being seen as a temptress or a damsel in need of saving but rarely being seen as yourself (treasure the people that do see you clearly and treat you well)

-Being seen as “irresistible” to certain extremes. Trines and Sextiles are more likely to embrace this and squares and oppositions are more likely to be wary of volatile behavior this attracts.

-Older men are nicest to you. Men who are in relationships often ogle you or avoid you most adamantly. And f*ck boys get into you but like just physically. (Guys who claim to not be f*ck boys also can get caught up in the same way)

-In positive romantic relationships you may still find yourself unlocking passion in unexpected ways from your partners (ex. They may be the quiet unassuming type but when you hook up a more intense side of them seems to come out of nowhere)

-Getting dudes that have been in your dms trying to hook up for years (goofy behavior lol)

-Getting shown off by someone your dating but less likely to be introduced to someone’s inner circle as anything more than a friend

-Having guys that pursue you just to try to get you to change how you express yourself (how you dress, how you act, etc)

-Being the friend with all the stories of guys hitting on you in weird ways

-Having an interest in exploring s*xuality and bodily autonomy, but not matching the n*mphomaniac image projected onto you (more so for squares and oppositions)

-In general your s*xuality is a significant part of your personality either through embracing (trine, sextile) it or suppressing it (square, opposition) or by going back and forth between those extremes (conjunct, square, opposition)

#astro observations #astro notes #astroblr #astro community #lilith square ascendant #lilith astrology #lilith aspects #lilith #Lilith culture

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