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ftmtftm · 9 months

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This isn't something I have fully articulated thoughts on yet but honestly? I really do think that transandrophobia and the way people who talk about their experiences with it are isolated is, in part, why transmedicalism existed (exists still? I'm very detached from that discourse now) as a primarily trans man/trans masc dominated ideology.

I'm going to share my own experience and I can only speak for myself here, but when I was a really isolated late teen/early 20-something dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma re: my assault (that happened as a result of me coming out as trans to an ex), some immediate family's reaction to my transition being "well why can't you just be a masculine woman", and frustration about not being able to medically transition yet combined with the mid-2010's pressure to be a non-threatening feminine soft boy, I got sucked into transmedicalism.

I do want to be upfront and recognize a lot of my feelings at the time were a trauma response and projection. I recognize this now but I had no resources to recognize that then. I just want to make it clear from the start that I know my own thinking was flawed, that's why I'm reflecting on it openly so others can potentially recognize something that resonates here within themselves and grow.

Getting back into it though- I felt really triggered all the time in general trans spaces because of that 2010's culture. I felt pressured to be feminine or a woman in trans spaces online, just like I did around my ex or at home. I didn't want to undercut my masculinity or manhood for other people's comfort, especially not for other trans people who I felt should've understood. In contrast to this though, transmedicalist spaces and the trans men within them DID actually offer the support I was asking for. I was actually given space to talk about my assault and the pressures I was experiencing with a bunch of other trans men/trans mascs who understood it for the first time, ever really.

The idea of "there is a medical explanation for gender dysphoria that can be treated with medical transition" was also really comforting to my traumatized mind that kept thinking "if I'm open about my assault someone is going to accuse me of just being traumatized and not actually trans, if medicine is on my side I can prove them wrong" Which - let me be clear again - was a very traumatized way of thinking. I do not think that way anymore thanks to therapy and cultivating a healthier relationship with my body and gender and transness. I was not the only trans man with a history of assault that felt this way in the transmed community at the time though.

And I'm not justifying any of this ideologically right? Like. Transmedicalism is fundamentally flawed and incorrect in many of its ideas about sex, gender, and gender identity. Many people who believe in transmed ideology spout some absolutely horrible, transphobic bullshit on the regular and often align their ideology with conservatism and TERFs. I'm not here to defend transmedicalism.

What I am saying is this: It makes sense that a group of ostracized individuals who felt like they had no space to express their traumas would cling onto transmedicalism because it was the only ideological community giving them space to talk about it. Hate movements thrive on preying upon those kinds of vulnerable, traumatized people.

I'm just thinking about a lot of the friends I met via transmedicalism back then and now they're all either TERFs with a lot of repressed trauma and internalized transphobia that I've since cut off completely or they had a similar realization to myself and discovered their attachment to transmedicalism was rooted in trauma and a desire for trans masc community, addressed it, and now they live much healthier, happier lives.

I'm losing steam fast thinking about all of this because recounting trauma takes a physical toll on one's body BUT tl;dr I really do think if we had healthier spaces to address trans male/trans masculine traumas within the wider trans community via conversations about transandrophobia back 5+ years ago we wouldn't fully be here now wrt: how large transmedicalism became as a movement. I genuinely think I wouldn't have been sucked into that space if there had been more resources and space to talk about the experiences I was having, all of which are things people naming transandrophobia are trying to address in healthy manners.

I think healthy, open, conversations about transandrophobia in wider community spaces can do so much good to protect people who were in vulnerable positions like I was and can absolutely potentially prevent more people from getting sucked into the false support offered by hate movements within our own community.

#transandrophobia #transmisandry #transmedicalism #discourse /#long post /#ftm #trans masc #trans man #original post #first post too wooo !! i figured i should make myself a space to actually talk about this stuff so i stop bothering my gf 💀#she's cool with it i'm just autistic and talk a lot and knows she needs breaks lmao

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 6 years

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Incubus!Chase Brody x Magician!Reader

I saw a post that had the idea of Chase being an Incubus so I got inspired.

This story will not have anything explicit or any major NSFW content (only v minor talk about intercourse will occur throughout since we are talking about an Incubus here).

So w/o further to do here we go-

After what seemed like an eternity, you’ve finally figured it out.

You now knew how to summon any sort of demon you desired. Each one had their own special pentagram that must be drawn correctly and precisely before you could light the candles.

Even though your brother, Marvin, strongly advised against you tapping into demonology and the dark arts, you went ahead anyway to satisfy your curiosity.

Once you had finished drawing the pentagram that would summon a demon called an “Incubus”, you took a step back to make sure the image in your book matched the one on the floor. You also checked to see that the candles were in the right positions.

What compelled you to choose an Incubus out of all demons is beyond you, although you knew how to keep him at bay should he…..try anything.

Using levitation, your book hovered beside you, showing you the page with the summoning spell. You pulled out your small ritual knife from your cloak pocket, removing one of your gloves.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at the bolded words and began to speak them slowly and clearly. “Lilith, sweet Lilith, I ask that you hear my call. I ask that you send onto this earth one of your sons. And I shall allow him to fulfill any desires he wishes. Please, take this offering.”

Then you carefully sliced your palm with the knife, watching the small stream of blood trickle onto the center of the pentagram.

It was then you felt a sudden chill rush through you and then…..a portal opened up in the circle as the candles blew out at the same time.

You held your breath as a clawed, black hand emerged from it moments later. The creature slowly rose up from it, standing on his…..hooves?

Titling your head to the side, you gazed at him. You blushed slightly at the rather revealing outfit he had on, although you expected no less from an Incubus.

A devilish tail swayed gently behind him, and only his arms were black, the rest of his upper body sporting a pale complexion.

But strangely enough he had the lower body of a satyr and….some kind of snapback hat you’ve seen teens wear all too often. It was then you began to wonder if you made a mistake somehow-

“Like whatcha see, baby~?”

You blinked in surprise as the Incubus spoke, smirking as he leaned against the wall. Then he looked down at the pentagram and candles, skipping over them. “Lucky me to be summoned, eh?” He chuckled softly, his glowing blue eyes gazing into your [e/c] ones curiously. “What’s your name sweetheart?”

“[Y/n],” you replied to him, your heart pounding a mile a minute. “And..yours?”

“Chase. Short and simple.” He grinned, flashing his sharp teeth. “Wanna see what I can do?”

Already you were having second thoughts, but since you’ve made it this far you knew there was no going back. So you nodded. “Alright..but-”

However, a ball made of smoke appeared in his hands. Then he turned and went to shoot it into your trash can on the other side of the room. He missed, though, so he conjured up another one and shot that, this time making it into the bin.

“WOOO~!!!” Chase jumped with joy, spinning back around to face you with a childlike grin. “Did ya see that?? I made the shot!!”

“…..is that really your method of seduction?”

His smile faltered. “U-Uh…yeah, pretty much…look. I’m whatcha call a “lower tier” Incubus. See?”

He removed his hat, revealing to you the pair of small, nubby black horns that were almost hidden in his messy, fluffy grass-green hair. “The bigger the horns, the stronger our seductive powers and lust…..meaning I’m kinda…..very weak in those categories.”

“I’ve read about that,” you nodded in understanding. “So..you wanna just hang out and I can tell you about myself?”

Chase looked at you, surprised. “Really? But I…um..thought you summoned me..to uh…y’know….” A slight blush rose to his cheeks.

“Well I mean…I just picked a random demon to summon since I’ve never done anything like that before. Besides you..don’t seem comfortable with doing that.” You gave him a gentle smile. “And I understand since we only met not even a minute ago.”

“B-But..” He stammered. “I mean..I’m a-an Incubus. That’s my..m-my purpose. I-I have to…I…I need to-”

“Hey.” You took his hand into yours, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. “It’s okay, Chase. You don’t have to force yourself upon me or anything like that. I don’t mind if you wanna wait until later when we know each other better. We can always just…cuddle if you want at least some kind of intimacy going on.”

After giving it some thought, the Incubus sighed in relief, relaxing his shoulders. “A-Alright. Thanks, [y/n]...I...appreciate it.” He smiled at you.

“Of course. Consent is always key as they say.” ………

Over the course of a month, Chase pretty much became your demonic roommate. You had erased the pentagram you drew on the floor when it became apparent that he had quickly grown attached to you.

No, you two didn’t engage in any sexual activities whatsoever. Instead you simply told him about your life as a magician and how you branched off into other forms of magic besides silly card tricks.

And he was there to….simply fill that lonely space you’ve had in your heart for quite some time. You were always cooped up in your house studying spells that you’ve lost touch with many of your friends.

But with Chase being there for you…you did feel a lot better.

Cuddling became an all-too common activity for you both. At first it was awkward, considering that he refused to change his outfit or put on something less…revealing, so you were basically hugging an almost completely naked guy.

Thankfully, though, he was okay with a blanket being over him.

Whenever you two were laying down, he liked to curl up and bury his face into your chest for the most part. But he was an Incubus, so you weren’t too surprised that he wanted to use cuddles as an excuse to get close to your breasts.

He would still try to “seduce” you with more of his silly trickshots, even though they just made you laugh more than anything.

Oddly enough, despite it being an entire month and the moments of intimacy you two shared, his horns barely grew an inch and he never really lusted after you.

There were hugs, cuddles, and kisses, but never….anything beyond that.

You were okay with that, and you never tried to force him into doing anything he didn’t want to just so you could be pleasured.

You were more than happy with the sort of relationship you maintained with the Incubus, and it seemed that he was, too. ……..

“Chase? Honey? I have a really cool spell I wanna show you~!” You grinned giddily as you made your way to your room, spellbook in hand.

Although when you reached the door, you noticed that it was closed, which was strange considering you had it open before.

But then…you could hear soft whimpers and sobs on the other side.

“Chase?” You opened the door to see the Incubus on your bed, curled up in the very corner and hidden underneath a blanket. His tail was the only part of him sticking out.

Worried, you walked in and climbed onto the bed beside him, wondering what got him so upset. “What’s wrong?” You removed the blanket, only to find him with his face buried into his knees.

After a few moments of crying, he stopped and looked at you, his once vibrant blue eyes now dark and rimmed with tears.

“M-Me..”

You blinked in confusion, shifting closer and wrapping your arms around him. “Honey..” Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean by-?”

“I’m…wrong [y/n]. I’ve…I-I feel like a-a disappointment….br-broken..…bu-but I don’t…I didn’t....w-wanna…” It was obvious he was having a hard time speaking, so you hushed him and held him close.

“Shhh, don’t keep it in. Just cry it all out.” You coaxed as you removed his hat and stroked his head. And he did just that as he shoved his face into your warm chest, sobbing uncontrollably as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

With a soft sigh you ran your gloved fingers through his hair, your hand glowing with a pink, calming aura. It was something that automatically activated whenever you were close to someone feeling distressed. You gently kissed his horns as well.

After about a minute, the magic did its work and Chase calmed down, his sobs ceasing as he sat up slowly. “Th-Thank you...sorry a-about the stain..“ He mumbled, glancing down at you shirt.

“It’s fine.” You waved it off, the pink glow vanishing. ”I-”

But you were cut off when he then grabbed the end of your cape, bringing it up to his face to dry his tears and blow his nose into it.

‘Eww..’ You grimaced slightly. ‘And I just washed this, too..’ But you shook away those thoughts, knowing that whatever reason he was crying was more important than snot on your cape.

“So what do you mean you’re “wrong”, Chase?“ You cupped his cheek, wiping away any stray tears. "Is it because we haven’t...made love yet?”

“N-No..it’s… m-more than that..” He sniffled, placing his hand over yours and nuzzling your palm. “Honestly I...I-I was never fond of being summoned just for sex.”

You blinked in surprise, before you came to the realization as to why he said he was “wrong” and “broken”.

Because he was not like other Incubi.

“I know I was created to..lust after humans and nothing more,” he continued. “But I....I wanted to know what it was like to actually love one for their..personality and not just their body. I wanted to just do things like cuddle, and talk about life, and eat snacks, and watch movies like...normal human couples.”

A tiny smile grew on your features as he spoke those words. You almost forgot that this was a demon from down below and not an angel sent from above.

“And you got to experience that, didn’t you?” You asked softly.

“Y-Yeah,” Chase nodded slowly. “But...o-others who have summoned me simply....sent me back when they realized I-I didn’t want to...f-fulfill their desires right then and there.” His eyes filled up with tears. “And my mother...w-would be waiting for me...so disappointed..and my brothers w-would laugh at me. I-I keep promising them I’ll do it....but-”

“I won’t send you back.”

He gave you a double-take, eyes widening. “What...?”

“It’s obvious that you’ve been a lot happier here,” you elaborated. “So I don’t see any reason why you should go back. Besides I’ve already erased the pentagram if you hadn’t noticed. And it was incredibly hard to draw out...so I don't plan on doing that again anytime soon”

For a few moments, he stared at you, shocked. And then his face lit up with a smile as he hugged you tight. “Th-Thank you so, so much, [y/n]...I..I-I love you..” He kissed your shoulder. “I love you so damn m-much.”

“I love you, too, Chase.” You returned the hug. “But just remember, those things you said don’t make you any less of an Incubus. You’re not “broken” or anything like that, you’re simply friendlier and sweeter than most Incubi. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, understand?”

Chase nodded, nuzzling your neck and kissing it a few times, his scruff tickling your skin. “I-I understand..I’ll stay with you....on one condition.”

“And what’s that?”

“That I show you more of my latest trickshots. I think I’m getting better at ‘em.”

“....alright. But, I also have one condition you must agree with.”

“What would that be, babe?”

“We gotta get you out of that stripper outfit so I stop having nosebleeds every other day.”

“.....fair enough.”

#chase brody x reader #incubus #female reader

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