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espinosaurusrexex · 1 year

Text

Flooded

SteveRogers x Female!Reader

summary: There was something off in the air that morning - Y/N should have known. But bad things always happen when you least expect them. The life she was living was threatened by the one secret she hoped would never be revealed. And now that it had, there was no going back.

a/n: Welcome to heartbreak city! This is dedicated to my 2015 teen wolf obsession (make sure to tell me when you find the passage). I know it's sad and angsty; but I put a bunch of fluff in there too. I hope you enjoy - as always, feedback is appreciated!

word count: 5.5k

warnings: torture, trauma, drowning, experimenting on people (in flashbacks), mentions of abuse, mentions of dying, angst (in case that wasn't clear), swearing, idiots in love, fluff, and a happy ending :)

I don't think the bad parts are super descriptive, but please do not read if anything mentioned in the warnings makes you uncomfortable (18+ only!).

･ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ✶ 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ✧*･ﾟ

This just captures the vibe too well. You'll know the passage... i'll never fall in love with myself - Zeph

It’s normal to feel your heart in your head right? Like it’s pounding so hard that it literally makes your veins jump beneath your skin? There was a rush of adrenaline shooting through Y/N‘s Body. Pain sharp as lightning zickzacking its way down her spine and up again. Her lungs felt tight. Solid. As if they were of stone weighing her down and not giving in to her urge to breathe. It felt like that. And the look at the rusted metal door with the white number ’15’ brought back an awful lot of pain. Blue and green splashing their way through her brain, voices layering over one another, and a distinct smell of chemicals in her nose. Oh no. She was back there. Right now. How was that possible? How did it get that far? Were there not a bunch of people making sure that this would never happen to her again? A shiver overtook her but at the same time, sweat assembled on her skin. The room was wet and moldy and sterile all at once. No. No. No. She escaped, she was safe - fought her way through hell to get there. There was no way this was really happening.

Dull voices broke through to her. “We’re at 12 Minutes”. “180, going down”. Beeping of sorts and then - somehow, through all the water and noise, the unremarkable sound of pen on paper. What an odd thing to remember, right? But Y/N recalled thinking ‘what an odd thing to hear’ back then. Not now, though. Now it was… normal. But that day it wasn’t. It was in fact the very first time it had ever happened and the moment everyone had seemed to work towards. Even if Y/N didn’t know it back then, she was the breakthrough Hydra needed to create yet another group of human weapons. One that luckily never saw the light of day.

They didn’t know. And it should stay that way. Y/N didn’t want to be associated with Hydra anymore. She never did. She wanted to be herself when she joined the Avengers. A woman with power and endurance and, well, certain enhanced abilities. There was one person that knew how she got them, and that person was Nick Fury. But he had promised to keep his mouth shut. Y/N held onto that promise because it kept her from losing her mind - reminded her that she became who she was without their help. She had escaped, and fought, and grieved, and wept in order to get over that old self. And yet, despite all the hard work, she was in that old skin again.

It shouldn’t be possible though. She had put a recognizable amount of time into burying every piece of evidence of her past life - Her dumb anxiety included. But here it was: dark and strong and the thing that would ruin everything, every piece of harmony she had associated with its absence.

Y/N was frozen to the ground, the image of the door branding itself into her mind and leaving a burning hole in its wake that made her head feel blank. Because that’s how it had always been: at first there is so much going on in your head that it feels like exploding and then, all of a sudden, it's wiped off everything. And all you are left with is this shell of a body that is not responsive to anything.

She didn’t know how long she had been standing in that hallway. A minute? Maybe an hour? Time moves differently when you’re not really there. But after whatever amount of time had passed, another voice rang through to her. A deep, and reasoning one, pressing and dripping of worry, though. Y/N shook her head. Steve. Steve was here.

❁ ❁ ❁

“I can’t have my team zoning out on missions.” The impatient voice echoed through the room accommodated by an expensive pair of shoes clicking on the polished floor. “We’ve had the problem before and I don’t like being lied to. Tell me what’s going on or she’s off.” Toni was pacing the floor of the common room until he came to a stop in front of Fury with his hands resting on his hips impatiently. But the man dressed in black didn’t do so much as move a muscle. He was casually lounging on the cushioned chair, waiting for his employee to finish.

“This might not feel like a big problem to you, Nick, but wait until half the Avengers are wiped out because Will Byers over here risks their lives by not cooperating.” Fury’s eye twitched when it lifted to the woman tugged into the corner. She had already been staring at him, trying to drag out the unavoidable, but there was no stopping this. She knew that, and he knew that too.

“I can’t.” He said while still staring at Y/N. Nick would have done everything to prevent this very moment from happening, he had kept his promise for years. But this - this was the signal for her to know: ‘It’s on you now. You make the call.’

Y/N stared down at her hands that were nervously fumbling in her lap. Though from a distance it might have looked like she was disinterestedly avoiding everyone's eyes on her. Because they were - especially a specific pair of blue ones. Every single person in the room was expecting her to say something. Even more so the man whose worried expression hadn’t faded ever since he had dragged her out of that base hours ago. And even now - away from harm and safely huddled in the confines of the compound, his unrelenting stare was drenched in fear and urgency. Y/N didn't even have to look up to confirm her suspicions. Steve had not moved ever since she sat down in that chair, his arms crossed, shoulders hunched, and eyebrow furrowed as his gaze locked on her. He probably tried to find something - a twitch of a brow or the corner of her mouth - something to tell him that she was okay. But Y/N fought with everything she had not to give him that - because she was in fact not okay. She was far from it, and the storm of emotions rioting through her stomach did very well prove it as nausea crept up her throat.

She was about to reveal the very thing she had kept hidden for years - something she never thought would get dug up again. But here she was: moments away from having every assumption about her changed for the worse. And Y/N hated it. She hated that this would be defining who she was from now on. Because it always did. It happened with Bucky and it happened with Wanda, hell even Steve didn’t get away without being associated with Hydra. Even if his story bore a different relationship to the World War II organization.

Y/N didn’t want to tell them, but deep down she knew that she would. Because what were her other options? Leaving the Avengers and drowning in sorrow over the lost family she had gained not too many years ago? God, that sounded like the villain origin story. No, she had to come clean, even if it hurt her and her status and possibly every other person surrounding her right now.

A wave of heat overtook her body, but her hands were cold. There was no going back - Y/N owed it to the team. Tony had every right to know what had put his people in danger today, but that didn’t change the fact that it would hurt nonetheless. Because she would be brought back there in her mind. And when she slowly inhaled to talk again, she tried to remember what it felt like to be free, even if the rushing of water already flooded her ears.

“You know when you’re drowning you don’t actually inhale until right before you black out.” Y/N was still staring at her fingers, desperately holding onto something she could feel. She was nervous to say the least, even if she knew exactly what her next words were going to be.

“It’s called voluntary apnea.” She had known it for years, starting with picking up pieces of conversation in the labs and ending with a reality-shattering file search that settled the gravity of what had actually happened to her. Y/N closed her eyes as she remembered that day, trying to hold the hot tears pooling in her eyes at bay.

“It’s like no matter how much you’re freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won’t open your mouth until you feel like your head’s exploding.” We’re at 12 minutes. 180, going down. Just fucking breathe. “Then when you finally do let it in, that’s when it stops hurting.” Her voice was shaky now but she was determined to pull through. Though her head was still hanging low - almost ashamed at what she was going to say next. “It’s not scary anymore, it’s… it’s actually kind of peaceful.” She shrugged weakly. “At least that’s what I told myself.”

She paused then, mentally preparing for the next part was impossible, but for some reason, she still couldn’t get it over with. This was it. This was the moment she was going to change in their eyes. The moment she would turn into a charity case that deserved nothing but sad looks and encouraging shoulder taps. And the thought of that made the lump in her throat grow. One last shaky breath and then she finally looked up, eyes locking with that of a blonde Super Soldier whose posture had faltered drastically since she last looked at him. A grey and brooding shadow had overtaken his cerulean orbs and it was shaking with the plead that settled in between: ‘Please tell me that’s not true.’

The first tear found its way down Y/N’s cheek, goosebumps rippling through her but her next words were said steadier than ever before. “I drowned in that room. One hundred and eighty-six times.”

And there it was: pity. Thick and unmistakable - smeared all over their faces. Y/N didn’t want it - dismissed it like a hot plate, pushing it further and further away from her on the table until she, herself, was backed up against the wall. They should stop pitying her. Try to feel what she felt but that proved itself difficult. Because Y/N didn’t feel anything. She’d expected to hear the voices in her head shouting numbers or smell the sterile smell of sanitizer or be unable to move - anything. But her mind was blank. It had all stopped buzzing as soon as she had stopped talking. With that last syllable, all the flashbacks faded into darkness and all that was left was this huge empty space. And she reveled in the calmness in her head for a second, but then Steve stepped forward with a heartbreaking look on his face and when he said her name and reached out his hand, that’s when her pulse picked up.

Y/N couldn’t do this - not from Steve, who was the only person whose opinion really mattered to her. Those dreadful eyes bored into hers when she sprung up from the chair, legs screeching over the dark floor, and then, she bolted.

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve watched as Y/N ran out of the common room, a blank stare covering his features while his heart grew heavy with every step she took from him.

“Why didn’t you tell us?!” Tony screamed.

“She didn’t want you to know.” Fury answered, and his voice hosted a sense of sadness.

Y/N. A Hydra experiment. And Steve hadn't known. He would have never known had they not happened to raid the base she had been kept at. It killed Steve to know that he could have prevented today from happening. He could’ve told Fury what a bad idea it was had he just known. But he didn’t. Somehow it unsettled him that Y/n chose not to tell him. It was traumatic and painful but did she really think that he would judge her for it? He of all people. No, he would never.

A look at Bucky rattled another zap of pain through his bones. His friend had this distinct mystery etched on his face. And when Steve shot him a questioning glare, Bucky jerked his head to the side, signaling for the blonde to follow him.

Bucky’s shoulders were stiff when Steve watched them leading the way to a private lounge area and the spring in his step slightly faltered.

When he had woken up that morning, Steve would have never guessed that the day would bring such dramatics. It was a simple mission - one he had done several times, too. And yet it could have not gone worse than today. Steve couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him, he knew that. His position as Captain didn’t allow him to let them lead his choices. But right now, with Bucky visibly agitated and Y/N clearly upset as well, that duty seemed near impossible. He cared too much for both of those people.

Bucky stopped by the window, his gaze focused outside where the rain pattered aggressively against the concrete. He swallowed thickly before his head turned to his best friend.

“I think I remember her, Steve... I remember seeing her in the base.” Bucky finally confessed, though there was a distance in his words. And despite the information doing fairly little to calm Steve’s nerves, he was glad that his friend condoned in him.

“You do?” A hopeful wave of emotions washed him over, suggesting that he might get a little more information about Y/N’s situation. And that maybe... he had been looking out for her back then. Yes, Bucky was most certainly sedated by hydra at that time, but the Winter Soldier had proven time and time again that he was not completely clouding Bucky and his sense for the good.

“I was there. I was-“ Bucky stopped as if he had suddenly said too much. A dreadful look overtook his eyes before his jaw wired shut and Steve’s hopeful feelings vanished.

“What? What is it?” He pressed, but his friend remained silent.

Panic rose in his chest with every second filling the quiet and Steve couldn’t help but feel like the words Bucky had withheld from him drew far heavier consequences than he had anticipated.

“I - I can’t tell you that, Steve. I think you should talk to her.”

Why did everyone decide they had to hide things from him today? What could have possibly been so bad?

“Anything else I should know?” Steve asked stiffly, a slight coldness overtaking his mind.

Bucky shook his head with what looked like guilt. Nonetheless, after a frustrated huff, Steve thanked Bucky and made his way to the dormitories.

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed before his chest and a worrisome look pressing on his features. But Y/N just stared blankly ahead, ignoring the boring stare from the hallway. She didn’t want him to be here. Because he was - and that Y/N was 100 percent certain of - here to tell her things she didn’t want to hear.

Their relationship had just recently reached the brooding edges of the pot. So close to overflowing into uncharted territory for the both of them. But for once in her life, Y/N had been excited about where it spilled. She wanted to feel the burning hot sensation on her skin and be dragged down into its endless abyss of warm feelings and excitement. But the information she had just dropped had taken the pot from the flame. She knew it the moment her eyes met Steve’s. They were dull, and lifeless, and sad. He had probably registered how much work she would be - would not see her as equal anymore. More of a menace than someone he could actually enjoy life with. And it broke her heart.

To say the least, there were far more parts of hers broken than her heart at this point. But Y/N didn’t know how to cope with them. For all her life, she had pushed it away. Brushed it off like it was nothing except a memory destined for her past, only allowed to creep to the surface when the dark corners of her mind leaked into the rational part of her. These times were not with people, especially not Steve - who was her captain and something more... up until now, that was.

Nonetheless, she needed a friend and Steve was the closest thing to that. Since more was probably not within her reach anytime soon, she decided to give into the nagging urge to spill every feeling on the floor before her. She looked up at him when he walked into the room and that’s when a dam of tears broke. She was ready to lay it all out bare for him. She had to, because for some reason - from one second to the other - all the things she had kept hidden for the past years felt unbearable to hold in. They seeped through her eyes in form of salty water and leaked through her nose and eventually built a big fat lump in her throat, one that was not possible to swallow. She had to get it out, along with all the other things hiding beneath.

Steve laid a warm hand on her trembling shoulder. A soft stroke pushed the last bit of reluctance from her body and prepared her to make it all go away. He was so close, but for some reason, she felt further away from him than ever before.

“You know I never stopped counting,” she whispered through ragged breaths. The nights in the dark cell encased her like a fog. Cold and moldy smells and the sound of dripping water echoed through her skull with every word she revealed to Steve.

“I thought I would lose track at one point - maybe die,” she huffed, bitterness seeping through her tone, “but they pulled me back from the dead so many times… sometimes I feel like I got stuck somewhere in between.” Not really living - not really there. But she wouldn’t say that out loud. Not again, at least. She did it once - to the Winter Soldier, when she had thought to see a glimpse of humanity seeping thought the tough exterior. But it didn’t change a thing then too.

The movement of Steve’s hand stopped but he caught himself after a beat. He probably knew what she was thinking. And he probably also thought that dying was the cowardly way out of her situation, which was why a wave of shame came over her.

“You know what’s funny? I’ve tried so hard to keep this a secret in order to have people like the real me and now... I feel like the only way I have any chance with the people I love is by giving this all away.” And it was true. Y/N felt like the last thing keeping her connected to Steve and the others was her cooperating and coming clean. She would be the prettied avenger, the one they always felt like they had to look out for - and she hated that because, really, the last thing Y/N wanted was to be babied - but if it was the last chance of keeping even a piece of them within her reach, she would have no choice but to take the deal. She would never be seen as an equal again. Always the inferior that never got over her trauma but if it meant staying with her family, she would be just that. Even if it was not even half of what she had made herself to be.

Steve’s eyes softened but at the same time, they filled with worry. His shoulders looked like they urged him to speak but his mouth closed as soon as it opened. And the last shimmer of hope vanished from Y/N’s consciousness. She wasn’t ready to let him go into pure friendship again, not when they had been dancing around the edge of something more for so long now. And she realized that now. So much, in fact, that she decided it would be better to just shut the whole thing off before the situation played out the way it was doomed to. Maybe that way she had a little more time to dwell in her fantasies.

With that thought in mind, she licked up the last pieces of pride she had and patted her hand on Steve’s knee.

“Don’t worry about it, Captain. Thank you for checking in but I’m okay.” She said steadily, though she couldn’t help but notice the slump in the man’s shoulders beside her when she led him to the door.

❁ ❁ ❁

Captain, she had called him Captain. Steve exhaled on his way to his room. For some reason, he was devastated by that even more than the events that had taken place just half an hour prior. She didn’t trust him. She never trusted him enough, for that matter, to tell him about her past. A past he very well shared and understood better than any other person on the team - well, except Bucky... and Wanda.

He had wanted to tell her that she was okay now. That she should not let her past define her. That he would never in a million years even consider neglecting her because of it. But he couldn’t. For some reason, he had been still beside her like a stupid puppet.

Tears brimmed in his eyes when he defeatedly sunk onto his bed. He wanted to stay rational. He wanted to think it through before burning up into flames, but his heart was pounding like a sledgehammer and his brain was running a mile a minute in opposite directions. There was no possibility to think straight.

His body felt torn between the two most powerful organs within him and they were fighting like there was no tomorrow. He wanted to punch the wall and lay the softest kiss on Y/N’s lips at the same time. It was infuriating.

For the first time in a long time, Steve had no idea what to do, or how to behave. There were no rules in the territory he and Y/N had created for themselves. There were times when he could come up behind her and press her into his chest and others when he wouldn’t even dare look at her. Right now, neither of these were an option, unfortunately.

Of course, deep down Steve knew that he had to talk to her again. Make sure she knew where their differences lay and clearly state what he had been thinking about the whole situation. But his heart was screaming so loud into his head that that thought never reached his ears.

It was strange, Steve was never the one to lose control over his emotions like this. But this situation felt as though it deserved every last drop of the feelings he had to offer. It was because of Y/N, of course. She tumbled up his feelings every time she looked at him. And to say that the look she had given him in the meeting room had shattered all his perceptions regarding her and her wellbeing was an understatement. He had been worried about her before. But never like this. Never in a way that had both his and her identity questioned.

For some reason, he could deal with death threats and vital injuries - it was sadly a normal routine in his line of work - but the added emotions that came with everything concerning Y/N ordered a whole new level of consciousness to his duties. He no longer felt the need to care for his team and make sure they got out of and through missions unharmed because it was his job, he now had to care for them because his heart was involved if anything were to happen to any of them. And he had to care more about himself, too because there were people who would get hurt if he were to. Y/N did that - she had sucked him into her warm and welcoming self and Steve had embraced it with all his being.

Now, he saw how dangerous that was. But he wouldn’t have it any other way. Getting closer to her was the best thing that had happened to Steve in a long time. He was happier and more energetic.

It dawned on him, then, that he had to tell her that. No matter how rage fed his brain or love blinded his heart was in the moment. Y/N deserved to know. Much like he had deserved to know about her secret much sooner. This thought sent another wave of frustration through his body. Steve tried to push it away, but it lay heavy on his heart when he stepped into the hallway, trying to suppress the nervousness brooding up within him.

❁ ❁ ❁

Y/N twitched up when the door slammed into the wall. When it bounced back from the gray concrete, there was a sizable hole visible where it jammed. But as her ears picked up on something else, that’s when her eyes wandered past the door to the heaving man within its frame. Steve’s eyes were dull, his shoulders hunched but his heart was beating at a rapid speed. He must’ve heard it in his head from the pressure with which it traveled over to Y/N.

Thumb, Thumb.

Steady and yet rapidly pounding. And for some odd reason, it had a soothing aspect on the woman. But before Y/N could register and ask what was going on, Steve stepped into the room. He was hesitant but still carried himself with a familiar confidence she’d only ever seen from him.

“I’m sorry,” he straightened up, “...for the door, I- I dint think it would open that easily.”

“It’s okay.” Y/N was still seated on her bed - hadn’t moved a muscle since Steve left.

“Y/N...” His voice was heavy with sadness, though she didn’t dare look at him. There was no going back. He would be saying what she had been dreading from the second she confessed. She didn’t also need to watch the disappointment in his eyes when he told her that itwas over - whatever it was. “I know what happened to you can’t be changed.” He sat down beside her, though there was a significant distance between the two Avengers now. “And I can only imagine how hard today has been for you. I don’t think I would be as strong as you are keeping this for yourself for so long. But you don’t have to shut us out. Please don’t shut me out, Y/N. We can help you, we can be there for you. Just... please. I don’t know how to-” he inhaled deeply but his speech didn’t continue like she had expected it to.

Y/N just sat there, her fingernails suddenly the most interesting thing to ever exist, even though there was a distressed man sitting inches away from her. Whatever he had said, because frankly, the words had swayed by her like a breeze, sounded like heartbreak to her - for her. There was pretty clear that Steve didn’t see a future for them. And if Steve thought this - the person she had grown closest to over the years - she could only imagine what the rest of the team was thinking.

Tears burned in Y/N’s eyes and when the first one fell in her lap, she closed her eyes in pain. “You pitied me..,” she whispered, the burning in her throat threatening to swallow her whole, “You felt bad for me... you of all people, you decided I need comforting.”

Steve sent a confused look at her once her eyes met his. He was looking through her gaze as if the answer to his questions lay beneath them.

“Of course I do.” He spoke calmly but irritated. Y/N shut her eyes again, trying to ignore the confirming string of pain wash over her. Somehow hearing him say it out loud was worse than she imagined.

“It shouldn’t even concern you, Steve. I’ve managed very well on my own over the past years. There is no reason for anyone to pity me-”

“Not pity,” he interrupted, “concern, yes. Pride, worry, fear... I feel all of those things for you. But not Pity.”

“But why.” The words were barely audible through the stream of tears that had broken loose by now. Y/N couldn’t possibly comprehend why Steve would say that. Because she didn’t see how Steve could see anything but her past from now on. She had struggled to do so herself at first. It had taken years to finally become herself again, even if that self bore a terrible secret for everyone else.

“Because I admire your strength. And I care about you.” His hand hovered over hers, but he didn't dare touch her just yet. “I care about you more than I probably should.” He closed his eyes and retracted his hand when he saw the dread in her eyes. “And I try to ignore it, I really do but then you come at me with that smile and with your wit, and I... I can’t stop my heart from racing.”

“I know I can hear it.” She was whispering again, feeling like an intruder for listening in on something as personal as his heartbeat.

Steve looked at her with an indescribable look on his face. “I hear yours, too, you know? But for some reason, it’s telling me other things than your eyes are.”

“What are my eyes telling you?”

Steve’s fingers grazed her chin, moving upward until his thumb stroked the skin on her cheek. “That you are afraid of something. That you are waiting for something bad to happen... but I don’t know what.” Y/N nodded in awe - somehow this man could read her better than she could herself, which was scary and comforting at the same time.

“And what is my heart telling you?” She took his hand and placed it upon her chest, where a steady rhythm pushed through her skin.

“The same thing I’ve been trying to say.” His heartbeat was steady and sure as well. It was fast, yes, but not in a bad way. There was an unfamiliar glimmer in his eyes when they softened upon her love-dazed face. Maybe her intrusive thoughts had blinded her after all...

“And what-”

Suddenly, his soft lips pressed to hers. A warm and tingling feeling traveled over Y/N’s body as her arms almost automatically reached up to his shoulders. Steve pulled her closer by her waist, deepening the kiss with the lean of his head. He was warm and he felt like the hug she had subconsciously craved ever since staring at that white number ’15’ in the base hours ago. All the tension drained from her like a waterfall. Steve pulled the fear from her body with every stroke of his tongue against hers. And for the first time in a while, Y/N felt as though everything had fallen into place. She was right where she belonged. The squeeze of Steve’s fingers reminded her of that.

When they pulled apart, breathless and floating, she tightened the grip on his collar.

“But- I thought...” Y/N breathed out shakily. Her forehead was firmly pressed against Steve’s and her lips were grazing his with every word she whispered, sending waves of shivers down her spine.

“What? That I’d sign you off as a charity case?” Steve locked his eyes on hers for the hundredth time. There was so much emotion in them. “I would never underestimate you. I know you are stronger than half the people on this team... well mentally that is.”

“Stop,” she chuckled before pressing her face into his chest. Steve kissed the top of her head as his hand began to soothingly stroke up and down her back, leaving a warm trail of comfort in its wake.

“I really like you, Y/N... and if you’d let me, I would like to take you out sometime.”

Y/N smiled. It seemed silly how worried she had been about his feelings now. Considering hers were just as strong for the man in her arms, there had not been a reason to believe it was different for him. Though the edges of self-consciousness nipped at her brain every now and then. Those were the monsters pushing intrusive thoughts into her heart - convincing her of things, for which there was no indignation. She would learn it with time - that her past didn’t define her. It did to some extent, but it would never become her entire identity. And until she could tell herself that alone, she would have Steve to help her remember.

“I would love to, Steve.”

Steve pulled back and held her by her shoulders before leaning in again. A content smile etched on his lips before they sealed to hers again, capturing her in another searing kiss.

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demigoddessqueens · 2 months

Note

First of all I just wanted to thank you for letting me know your requests were open. It makes me so happy to see people still giving Ezio the love he deserves! I don’t usually go for a lot of the more cliche lover tropes but I can’t stop thinking of Childhood best friend Ezio x reader.

What comes to mind is reader and Ezio having a strained relationship prior to his family’s execution due to readers newfound romantic feelings for Ezio and his infatuation with Christina. But once Ezio’s world is flipped on its axis after the murder of his father and brothers that he would seek reader’s help and comfort as he escapes Florence and trains to become an assassin.

I think at first he would be too shaken up and focused on revenge but after a while he would come to realize that he likes the reader. Maybe he would confess then, or perhaps after he kills Uberto.

It’s up to you to decide how you want to write all of this and what format (if you choose this request at all). You definitely don’t have to use my ideas if you don’t want to either, honestly I’d just love to see any type of Ezio x childhood best friend reader content. Thank you so so much for opening requests and for reading this 💗

Speaking my language with the Ezio angst!!! I need moar 💕💔

MASTERLIST 10

You cared for Ezio so much and it hurts. Growing up close with the Auditores was filled with the happiest memories of you, Frederico, Ezio and Claudia together, welcoming Petruccio, but your feelings always ran different with Ezio.

It left you dismayed at the unrequited feelings, and you felt your heart shatter when you heard of his late escapades of getting chased out with Christina.

Yet nothing could prepare you for the tragedy that struck when you heard of what happened to Giovanni and his two sons, your closest friends. There wasn’t time to grieve as you would have liked now that targets were on you and your family’s back, and you had to leave much of what you knew behind.

Only you didn’t expect to see Ezio at the same place of refuge at the end of things. He mentions that he was able to send a final goodbye to his father (with the help of Christina) but you ignore the pangs at your heart. You mourn along with him at the loss of the life you once knew together.

Being friends of friends (or family) of Assassins come with the perks of protection, but nothing you know of is ever the same again. Getting adjusted to your new life leads to unexpectedly wielding a blade, despite the constant wounds

Still, Ezio is there to see you grow and change as you both reach your respective milestones well into adulthood.

When Leonardo comes to see you both, it’s a much needed reprieve you didn’t realize you needed. A sense of normalcy despite all the heartbreak, and you realize how much you miss Ezio’s smile whenever you laugh at each other’s jokes.

Things feel…different. Upheavals so young and facing through them together does bring you closer. You and Ezio talk of the nightmares, seeking revenge, but try not to forget the good times as well.

In his quest against those who wronged him and his family, Ezio still thinks of you. You bring a tether and one close to him who knows what he’s feeling, going through.

There was one time you swore you felt him kiss you when you fell asleep at one of the desks, but you never brought it up since

Still, you heard of the visits he had with Christina and you didn’t think it would still affect you but jealousy works in mysterious ways. The day he lost her was the day you saw something shift in him, beyond the grief and pain from before.

He’s more urgent, stringent on whenever you go on missions or gather intel, and always wants to be by your side. Even Claudia begins to notice the change in her brother

It starts to annoy you at first, Ezio always hovering around you and whenever another person (let alone man) talks to you

“Ezio, this has gone on far too long now! Why are you always hovering near me?!”

“BECAUSE I WONT LOSE ANOTHER! Not those I CARE about!”

Speechless.

You don’t have anything to retort, especially since he still has more to say

“I’ve lost more than enough in one lifetime, and I can’t lose you too. I care for you…maybe even more than that.”

You can only hug him for now, but come the next day there’s still more to say

#assassin's creed #inbox requests #assassin’s creed x reader #ac brotherhood #ezio auditore da firenze #ezio auditore #ezio auditore de firenze #ezio #ezio auditore x reader #ezio assassins creed #assassin's creed brotherhood #my writing #headcanons #ezio x reader #ezio trilogy #ac ezio #assassin’s creed #Assassin’s Creed ii #ac ii

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ronwestbreeze · 1 year

Text

TO YOU , WORLDS AWAY : PART TWO : CHAPTER THIRTEEN

pairing: jake sully x fem!reader

summary: in which tinkers is alive

word count: 2.8k

author's note: i think the psa i posted is enough for an a/n note but if you didn't see it, just remember for future chapters going forward, please don't tell me how to write my story. i write it the way i want it and you can choose to enjoy it or not. and if you don't that's completely fine, just don't be mean about it. okay? okay.

AO3 | prev | next

He thought of the dead, far too often than he’d like to admit.

It wasn’t always a bad thing though, at least that’s what Jake thought. Out of all of them, he had learned the most, he had grown, and he had become the man he was today because of them.

He equally thanked them as much as he grieved them. And to be honest, it took him a long time for him to get to that point. It used to anger him, used to pain him, used to numb him…now Jake only felt, well, he really couldn’t define that yet. It wasn’t denial. It definitely wasn’t acceptance. Just something in the middle, something gray, something nobody could put a name to.

There were different levels to his pain when he remembered those he had lost.

Jake thought of his brother, Tom, from time to time. It was a lot easier than the others as he began to come to terms with his sudden death. They weren’t really close but it was still his brother, you know? Still his other half. And no matter how close or how far apart they were, it still felt as if he had lost another half of himself. A half that he was never going to get back, that would never be replaced because it would always belong to him. And that was okay.

Then there was Tsu’tey. Often he’d find himself doubting his role as the Olo’eyktan and wondered why he was even chosen to lead these people. But the last person he would’ve expected to believe in him, chose him. That had to say something right? That had to be worth something.

He thought of Grace because of course he did. Grace probably had one of the biggest impacts on his life, introduced him to the world of Pandora, gave him a chance even when he definitely didn’t deserve it in the beginning. Perhaps he still didn’t deserve the compassion she gave him. Still to this day, he wasn’t so sure why she believed in him despite everything. It hurt thinking about her, knowing that she would’ve loved to live among the Na’vi like him. Knowing she would’ve loved to meet her daughter…

Jake just hoped that he could do right by her by raising Kiri as his own.

But when thinking of Grace, he couldn’t help but think of…

There was just too much there.

Sometimes he’d feel guilty. Sometimes he wished that Neytiri, whom he had come to love and cherish over the years, wouldn’t see just how much it still hurt him. And he didn’t know why, but this kind of hurt…it was unlike anything he had ever felt before. This kind of hurt scared him, so much that he had to force himself to numb it down in the beginning—still to this day sometimes—because he knew that if he allowed himself to feel this pain, if he allowed himself the luxury of this grief, he’d fall apart.

But Neytiri saw it. She always did.

She knelt down in front of him one day, after finding him sulking silently on a rock one night, and he told her in a broken whisper:

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I…I’m sorry.” It was all he could say, it was all that could escape his lips when he faced her, when he saw the look of knowing in her eyes, when she gave him a sad smile. It was just guilt and grief weighing him down, keeping him heavy and stuck to the ground.

Neytiri smiled sadly, “Oh, Ma’Jake.” She’d place a hand against his cheek and say, “Not even the strongest warrior could ever forget their lost mate.” Jake remembered staring at her in both confusion and shock. “Ma tsmuke, she was your first mate. She was always meant to be a part of this family. It is okay to be sad, Ma’Jake. I am sad sometimes too. I miss her too.”

That day just made him realize it would always still hurt. It didn’t stop it. But at least now he knew why.

It even hurt sometimes when Neytiri would say things like, “I pray to the Mother every day for tsmuke.”

“Why?” He found himself asking. “Wouldn’t it be better to just accept it…that she’s gone?”

Neytiri shook her head, “It is not the same as Tsu’tey or ma sempul. No. I do not believe a warrior like that is just gone. Not like this.”

Jake would frown but not say anything to discourage it. Perhaps it was just her training with the Tsahik, perhaps she was just becoming more spiritual each day she trained with her mother. Either way, he couldn’t find it within himself to tell her that you might’ve been gone.

They never found your human body. Your avatar was under Norm and Dr. Max Patel’s care.

It was just better to assume. Better to let it go now.

You were alive! You were alive! You were alive!

Okay, you supposed that was true. But you also felt like shit so you really didn’t know that being alive was the best revelation right now.

When you opened your eyes, there wasn’t a bright light waiting for you anymore. Only what looked like a wooden ceiling or was it made out of sticks? You really couldn’t tell. What you did know was that everything in your body felt weak and terribly sore. But this time you felt like you were able to move.

Well, at least you thought so at first.

It was a slow process, sitting up and finally taking in your surroundings. From what you could see, it appeared like you were in some sort of hut. The walls were made of wood and the ceiling, as it turned out, was made of long grass. There was a door across from where you had been lying and two smaller holes similar to windows. And judging from the windows, it looked as if it were the late afternoon. At least.

Once you were sitting up, your senses were beginning to kick in. A mask was on your face. Sight was already covered so the smell came next. It was grass and fish that hit your nose first. The grass bit made sense but you had no clue where the fish smell was coming from. Then sound. There were voices, speaking in Na’vi, farther away—no it sounded like it was coming from beneath you. Touch. Something was covering—no, wrapped around your hands and fingers preventing you from fully feeling the rough hammock that you lied on.

Your mind was still foggy, still confused at where exactly you were. Of course, the last thing you remembered was crashing the Samson into the other one that had been shooting at you. You remembered one of its blasts caught your wing and had been one of the reasons why you went down. You remembered fire. You remembered your mask had been broken.

And then it wasn’t. Which, now that you thought about it, didn’t make much sense. Maybe your mask never broke and the smoke from the fire made you delusional.

But then there was another issue and you were quickly reminded of it when you tried moving one of your arms, only to feel a sharp pain at your side.

That crash should’ve killed you. Maybe not on impact but after, there should've been no way you survived.

So how…?

Deciding you weren’t going to get any answers by just sitting, you threw the misshapen blanket—which was made of leaves—off your body and moved to stand.

Only you stopped suddenly when you saw…

Both your legs were wrapped in what looked like leaves and through those leaves, you could see the burns and barely healed scars riddled all over your legs. It was bad enough you could barely keep yourself upright but now you realized you could barely move your injured legs. You had no strength left in you to do so.

It didn’t feel real. For a moment you were sure this was some type of nightmare, that you were still asleep. Or maybe you were dead and left in some horrid hell. But once your bandaged hand grazed one of your legs, barely touched it, everything came crashing down. Everything became real.

You were alive. You were alive. You were alive….

“Dr. L/N?”

The new voice startled you, mostly because you hadn’t heard anyone come into the hut. When you looked up you were met with a Na’vi—no, an avatar—standing before you with a kind yet cautious smile. Cautious as if she were approaching an animal.

You didn’t reply. Mostly because you were waiting for the stranger to introduce herself first since clearly she knew who you were. The avatar cleared her throat, “I’m Dr. Chloe Parker. You may not know me but I was one of the volunteers for Dr. Augustine’s Avatar Program…”

The name wasn’t familiar or maybe it was, you really couldn’t think about it right now. There was too much going on. Your entire body, the recent revelation that you were in fact not dead—hell you didn’t even know where the hell you were.

“I imagine you have a lot of questions—”

“Where am I?”

Dr. Chloe nodded understandingly, “We are currently with the Olangi Clan who have been gracious hosts to us for the past few months.” She chuckled nervously, “But to be completely honest, I think they’re mostly tolerating us at this point…”

The Olangi Clan? The name wasn’t unfamiliar but you also weren’t sure what and where it was. That’s when you remembered what had been going on before your ship had crashed. That’s when you realized why everything felt strange. The reason why you were so tense and on guard…

“What happened with the battle? With the Sky People?” Your stomach twisted in on itself. “Are the Omatikaya clan…are the People…are they alive?”

God, if you were the only survivor, if you happened to be the sole person to survive all of it—

“No, no, no, they’re fine!” Dr. Chloe quickly reassured, kneeling down. When she did, you noticed the pit where a bonfire most likely would be lit at the center of the hut. “Our side one—the Na’vi, I mean! The RDA were exiled and some of us were allowed to stay afterwards and sort of live on Pandora.”

They won? They defeated the Sky People? There was a great relief that fell onto your shoulders, but it didn’t overshadow the tenseness, the exhaustion, and the grief. Just looking down at your injured legs, your entire body, it made it all the more heavier, all the more overwhelming. You were happy, you were angry, you were resentful. And you were sad. You were just really, really, sad.

Dr. Chloe noticed the way you looked down at your bandaged legs and frowned, “…It was an Olangi warrior that found you after your crash. Said Eywa pointed him toward you—or whatever that means…” Your brows furrowed at this but you didn’t stop her from continuing. “He brought you back here, to the plains, and it was mostly the healers keeping you alive for a while. Then my research team arrived and they showed us to you. One of the healers said that you weren’t getting any better and that’s where we stepped in…” She gestured toward you. “At first we tried healing you ourselves but you kept crashing. The wounds were too severe and…well your heart stopped a few times…”

Unshed tears clouded your eyes. Even if they fell you couldn’t wipe them away. You should’ve been grateful, thankful that you were alive now. That you were lucky to have even survived this war.

You were alive. You were alive. You were alive.

Dr. Chloe continued, “We realized at some point that we didn’t have the equipment to manage it…so we put you in cryosleep.”

You closed your eyes. The hut was quiet. You felt Dr. Chloe watch you, feeling her hesitation to keep going.

“How long?”

“Pardon?” She cleared her throat.

You looked up at her, “How long was I in cryosleep?”

Her hesitation already gave you some idea of an answer.

“Five years.”

It was quiet again. You couldn’t say anything. Nothing could have prepared you for this. You had been in cryosleep before and that was when you arrived at Pandora for the first time. Since then, you never thought you’d be placed back under in any circumstance.

You never thought you’d miss five years of your life just to be half alive.

Five years. Five years just like that. Gone. Suddenly, it didn’t matter how much you contributed to the battle, the relief in knowing your side had won, that Grace’s death wasn’t in vain. None of that mattered when you had spent five years of your life asleep. Missing everything.

Your mind wandered and thought of Jake.

“Dr. L/N?” Dr. Chloe spoke again after a while. “I don’t know if you’ve realized but this is pretty groundbreaking stuff. We were able to save you and keep you alive with our newer machines—think of ECMO machines but better! We’re literally keeping you alive right now because of it.” As she said that, you noticed the tubes attached to your arms and the machines next to your hammock. “You’re a scientist, right? Think of the amazing breakthroughs we could have! It could give us more time, more time to heal patients before their body takes over and kills them! Like for you, for example. Your body could have been unsalvageable if not for our life support machines. Without them…well you could be dead, but that’s why we’re working with the Na’vi to heal you more.”

You didn’t know why, but her growing grin was pissing you off. And it certainly didn’t help keep the tears at bay.

“What’re you thinking, Doc?”

You didn’t even hesitate with your words. “I’m an engineer. Not a scientist.” Your gaze then fell toward the ground. “And I’m thinking you should’ve let me die.”

Again, the hut went silent. Your eyes remained locked on the floor. Dr. Chloe didn’t say anything else and you were glad. All you wanted right now was to be alone. Just alone. Except she wasn’t leaving.

Before you could snap at her, shout at her to leave, someone else entered the room. Instead of another avatar, it was a Na’vi woman. And by the looks of her clothes and accessories, she looked like a healer.

“What are you doing in here?!” The woman snapped in Na’vi. Dr. Chloe scurried to her feet. And you realized, tiredly that you were the smallest person in the room next to the two. “She is supposed to be resting! You should not be here!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Dr. Chloe backed away so the Na’vi woman could walk toward you with a wooden bowl in her hands. The doctor’s Na’vi sounded rough but well enough for you to understand her. Dr. Chloe nodded to you before finally leaving the hut. You barely acknowledged her though as the Na’vi woman began checking the bandages around your arms and fingers.

You realized then you were still in a hospital gown. She poked your arm with a needle and you flinched.

“Don’t move.” The healer snapped. You mumbled out an apology. “Your body is weak, you shouldn’t move too much.”

Quietly, you watched her observe your bandages and injuries. Some of them you caught a glance of the worser burns and it made your stomach twist violently. It made you realize how badly wounded you had been, how hard both the humans and the Na’vi seemed to work on keeping your body healing despite the severe ones. Really, you weren’t sure if it was worth the hassle.

While trying not to flinch at another needle poke, you ask the woman quietly, “What’s your name?”

“Ìtxata.” The healer looked at you curiously before focusing back on your left leg.

You winced when you tried scooting closer off the hammock, “When will my body…when will it not be so weak?”

Ìtxata didn’t respond right away. It wasn’t out of hesitation but mostly out of thought as you saw the crease appear between her brows. “It is hard to say….” She glared at the machines around you. “But the Sky People think they’re way can prevent death…nothing can prevent death…no matter the machine.” She then placed a gentle hand on your knee while examining it. “Your body is weak. And it will continue to get weaker until you die. This is only slowing the process.”

It was hard at that point. To hold back the tears. But your body eventually became to worn to remain upright and Ìtxata sensed this right away as she guided your body back to lying down in the hammock. The mask didn’t hide the tears or the restrained sobs but thankfully Ìtxata didn’t bring attention to them.

Instead she continued observing your wounds while you cried, and cried, and cried.

You were alive…You were alive…You were alive…

Coming out of her dreams, Kiri felt dried tears on her cheeks…

taglist: @luvvfromme @sully-stick-together @jakesullylvr @s-u-t @ssc7514 @cheari @tojigirl @nyotamalfoy @perfectprofessorloverapricot @naityelen @dumb-fawkin-bitch @raggedyoldwitch @nhemmingsf @biooiuygjjgfsrb @thatsenoughformelol @thotd-f1 @beaniebeensbaby201 @theoriginalwife000 @3leni @23victoria @lovesickollie @atxara @im-in-a-pansexual-panikk @ladylovegood-69 @punchyprincess23 @lovekeeho @lilithmoon14512 @n7cje @fyfy-world @cleverzonkwombatsludge @goddesslilithmoriarty @itszzmoon @eternallyvenus @bajadotcom

#to you worlds away #jake sully x reader #avatar jake sully x reader #avatar jake sully #avatar jake #jake sully #avatar way of water #atwow #avatar the way of water #avatar fanfiction #avatar 2 #sam worthington #kiri avatar #neytiri

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carefulfears · 9 months

Note

top ten mulder moments <3

DREAM ASSIGNMENT, UNHINGING MY JAW, ETC. buckle up babes!

1/ oubliette

all of oubliette really but there’s this one moment where he’s in the police station and he’s watching the video of lucy when she was 13 after escaping her kidnapper and she’s writhing around on the floor screaming and she can barely speak full sentences and she’s afraid of the light. and in the present day, she’s an addict living in a halfway house with convictions for drug possession and prostitution.

and he’s watching this tape and scully comes in and he says “it’s amazing she’s gotten anywhere in life” and scully says “by most yardsticks, she hasn’t.”

she has, though. she’s alive and she’s trying and she’s clean and passing her drug tests and she has a job. and that’s how he sees her, and that’s how he treats her throughout the episode. he tells her that she’s “the strong one” and he asks for her help and her opinion, he tells her that he just wants to know what she’s going through. he defends her to law enforcement and believes her when everyone else thinks she’s an accomplice. he weeps over her body when she dies, grieves the loss of her life.

it would be easy for him, as someone whose sister was kidnapped at the same age lucy was, to see her as a nightmare. she’s struggling and she’s traumatized and she’s an addict and a felon. but he doesn’t, he views her as hopeful, and you can tell that he respects her. he views her as having gotten somewhere in life, just because she’s still alive. and that more than anything really means a lot to me.

2/ paper hearts

in paper hearts when they find the 15th victim’s body and they think it’s samantha. and he’s standing there over it, shaking, looking down at what might be his baby sister’s corpse. what might be the end of the road.

and it might all be over, in this moment. he might not be able to search anymore, to hope anymore, to do the only thing he’s ever done every day for 24 years anymore.

and you just feel the crushing weight of it all, and then scully comes in with the lab results and says that it isn’t her. and he just buckles for a moment and takes a breath.

before standing up and saying, “it’s somebody though.”

it’s such a testament to his character to me, that he can’t sit in that relief for even a minute. it might not be his baby sister, but it’s somebody, and he grieves for them.

(not “somebody’s sister/daughter,” but somebody)

3/ one breath

the shot of him crying on the floor of his ransacked apartment.

he was offered a choice between staying there, waiting to see the bad guys, finding the only thing he’s ever wanted, the answers…and going to sit by scully’s hospital bed, when it might be the end.

and he left that apartment and held her hand.

as moving as that scene is, it’s the aftermath that always gets me. it’s the consequences. it’s the price that you pay for choosing to stay soft, the way that mr. x looks at him in this same episode and tells him that he’ll never win, he doesn’t have the heart.

so he walks away from the battle and comes back to the wreckage, and all he can do is sit down on the floor and weep.

(also if i think even a little about him giving scully the superstars of the super bowl tape, i’ll literally make myself ill crying)

4/ sein und zeit

when, after spending the entire episode obsessively insisting to everyone who will listen that the missing little girl is “not dead,” he says that they should just go home.

that they are not going to find those people’s daughter alive, that he is too close to this case to make a sound judgement, and that he wants to take some time away from work.

seven years after scully chased him into the street and yelled for him to “stop running after” samantha, and a day after she followed him into a hallway to tell him to not go looking for something he doesn’t want to find, the person whose “relentlessness” has kept him searching for nearly 30 years, just wants to go home.

he’s depended for so many years on the delusion, on the hope, on the belief that every child to go missing from their home is “not dead.” and now he stares at the ground in front of two people who love him, and admits to being wrong. to needing a break.

it’s one of the saddest moments of the series to me, but there is such an acceptance in admitting defeat, and it’s a subtle precursor to his decision in the following episode that he’s ready to know the truth about what happened to samantha. the delusion isn’t helping anyone. not him, not samantha, not this missing little girl. and it’s devastating and freeing at the same time.

5/ je souhaite

his genie wish. i have the softest spot in my heart for je souhaite mulder okay!! this is the mulder that called the jersey devil “beautiful” and ran through the woods to try to save it. the mulder that couldn’t bear to add to the soul eater monster’s suffering, even when it would’ve saved his own life.

i love that the first thing he does is ask the genie what she would wish for, just because he wants to know. and you can see how much 500 years of being a slave to people’s selfish desires has weighed on her, in the way she tells him that she would just want her days to be her own. to sit and have a cup of coffee.

i love that he tries to win at the genie wish, to save the world. tries to construct the perfect wording and all-encompassing fool-proof plan. throws around words like ending “tyranny.” and in the end, just deletes it all, and wishes for the genie to be free. that ending shot of her, finally her own person for the first time in 500 years, sitting having a cup of coffee, is one of my favorite moments of the series.

i love the lesson in this episode too, for someone who spends his whole life trying to make up for the fact that he lived when his sister didn’t, that he doesn’t have to figure out how to save the entire world. he can call his best friend and sit on his couch and watch caddyshack. but he asks the genie what she would wish for, because he genuinely cares, and he chooses to use his wish to give it to her, because he can do that.

6/ pilot

these tags: “this man is overflowing with reverent tenderness.”

the Moment™️ in his motel room…this is when you can see it. this is when both scully and the audience understand something. this is when it’s all over.

they’ve both been kind of concealing so much, behind sarcasm or professionalism. they really like each other. they want to trust each other. but she was sent to spy on him, to debunk him, and neither of them have any reason to believe it’ll be more than that.

when the power goes out and scully feels the marks on her back, she is just so scared. she is so young, and this is her first job, and she’s becoming exposed to things that she had never considered. when she walks into mulder’s motel room in only her robe, and then drops it, she’s afraid, and also acutely aware of her own vulnerability.

the way the camera hangs on his face (he’s the focus, not her exposure, what is he seeing?), in the candlelight, as she exposes her body to him and he just checks to make sure she’s okay.

what he’s seeing is her vulnerability, and he responds by both sheltering and matching it; he wraps her up and gives her the bed, sits below her on the floor. he tells her about sam. he tells her about what “matters” to him. and it isn’t something that he tells people, but anxiously walking mostly-naked into the room of your new assignment isn’t something that she does either, and he understands that.

it’s 2 episodes later in squeeze when scully makes her decision, she’s “on the side of the victim,” on the side of the vulnerable. but it’s a motel room in bellefleur where she learns what that side is, where that work is being done.

(related, conduit: the way that he shuts scully's concerns about him down, then validates them quietly, when they're alone. tells her what his life actually is. that it's "walking into that room," every day, feeling like maybe one day he'll open his eyes and his sister would be there. you really get the sense that he's never told anyone that before, but that it's something he turns over in his mind, something he's always aware of. he's saying: you're right, this is what i do, but i don't know how to do anything different. how am i meant to do anything different? it has always been this way. and it's the only thing that you need to hear him say to really get it. it's the only thing that scully needed to hear him say. this is the most vulnerable revelation that he ever makes, a month into their partnership. she never forgets it.)

7/ anasazi

just a little moment that i think about a lot is the way that after mulder sees his dad in colony and tries to hug him, and gets cut off with a handshake, the next time that he sees bill, in anasazi, he reaches out to shake his hand.

he notices everything, he internalizes everything, he only wants to give what he understands as wanted from him.

he knows that his dad does not want to hug him, and he still reaches to him first, offers that connection that bill is comfortable with.

(it always makes me think of the first time he met jackson. the way that the first thing he did after “my name is mulder, i’m your father. i know it must seem strange to you.” was hug him… “became a father while i was still a son,” or whatever the national said.)

8/ emily

you guys. you guys 🥺. this whole episode just really gets me so bad. the way emily is “shy” and doesn’t speak or really look at anyone, and the only time we see her smile is when mulder makes her laugh, as soon as she met him. him yelling at the doctor (i love that the show, through mulder, actually says the term “medical rapists.” like yes let’s call it what it fucking is!) and saying he wants everything that could help her. when emily's sick, and mulder instantly picks her up to hold her.

but the moment to me, the one that stays with me, is the very end. it's the funeral. it's when all is said and done. and scully asks...who could do this? who could bring a life into this world whose only purpose is to die? and mulder answers, "i don't know. but that you found her, and had a chance to love her...maybe she was meant for that too."

he looks at a person who was created to be used for other's gain, literally manufactured intentionally to suffer and then die, and he believes...maybe that's not all that she was meant for. maybe she was still meant to be known, to be found, to be loved. and they did love her.

(the way he shows up late to the funeral, but scully knows he's coming to get her, tells her mom she's going to ride back with him. the way he turns away from the casket, never able to look loss in the eye, but turns back so scully isn't in it alone. the way he brings flowers, like he brought flowers to the hospital when scully was diagnosed, like he stopped to bring flowers to missy's grave.)

9/ beyond the sea + lazarus

my father is dead (long live my father!)

y’all ever think about how sparingly and intentionally mulder says “dana”? y’all ever think about how she’d only ever been “scully,” to him, until “how are you, dana?” the day of her father’s funeral? the way she looked up at him, as he gently touched her cheek.

the first thing that scully does after her father dies, is tell mulder that she believes in a psychic. (“i thought that you would be pleased that i opened myself to extreme possibilities”).

the first thing that mulder does is sit down, lower himself beneath her, (he has done this since the motel room in bellefleur, the day they met), and look up to her to ask: “does this have to do with your father? you said that he didn't approve of you becoming an FBI agent. now, if being on the job now makes you feel guilty or uncomfortable or uneasy, i think you should back away. because if it’s clouding your judgment, you’re putting yourself in danger.”

(he is always listening, he is always more aware than people think. he perceives her attempts to “please” him as dangerous, or uncomfortable for her. encourages her to step back.)

when she starts to cry and walks across the room, she’s dana again. she’s not her father’s “starbuck,” she’s not mulder’s “scully.”

“dana…open yourself up to extreme possibilities, only when they’re the truth.”

in lazarus, it’s only 2 episodes later (2 episodes after “i’m afraid to believe”) when jack willis dies. (“along the way, there are other fathers.”)

mulder spent that whole fucking episode doing his lil tricks and tips and pulling out his lil experts trying to convince her that jack had been body-swapped, including the story about watches stopping at time of death. when jack dies, and all that’s left is the watch she had given him, stopped at the same time as his heart, she looks up to mulder for answers so softly.

and his response: “it means…it means whatever you want it to mean. goodnight.”

he spends his life begging for belief, but never at the cost of her integrity, her peace. he cannot be “pleased” by a forgoing of self, a forgoing of what she’s ready for.

(looking at this now, it also reminds me of irresistible, and the way that he told her that it’s understandable to be upset, to be affected. “i’ve seen agents with 20 years fall apart on cases like this.” it’s not because she’s young, it’s not because she’s inexperienced, it’s not because she’s traumatized. it’s because she’s human. and it’s good, it’s right.)

10/ redux ii

my favorite moment of this episode is when scully sees mulder through the window of her hospital room for the first time, and he plasters that smile on his face, comes in to sit on the bed and hold her hand and kiss her cheek. and she keeps trying to ask him about the conspiracy, about what happened at the pentagon, about who the inside man at the FBI is, and he just keeps quietly telling her that he's not there to talk about that. and she keeps pushing questions until he leans in to her and smiles and says... "hey, scully, how 'bout those yankees?"

hey, scully, it's not about that. for as many years as he's gone doing nothing but obsessing over conspiracies to anyone who will listen, he isn't there to talk about conspiracies. he's there to hold her hand, to keep that smile on his face so maybe she won't worry, to break down by her bedside as soon as she's asleep. he just wants to spend time with her. in reduxes, they aren't ahab and starbuck. they aren't charging forward or dutifully shepherding on. they're buckling in hallways. they're clinging to a hand through tears.

there is just no room: for their roles, for their pretenses, in the end. in this moment, he isn't the "mad captain" who cares about nothing more than the quest. he's the man who walked away from the fight so that he could sit next to her, who gave up all of his answers so that she could see her sister one last time. he's the man who "refused to believe" that she was dying, but still celebrated her birthday that year for the first time ever, just so that she would have it. and in that hospital room, at the end, through teary eyes and shaky smiles, it just isn't about anything bigger. she doesn't have to die as dutiful to the cause, for him to be there with her.

(the final shot of this episode is one of my favorites too. when scully is cured, she is going to live, her family is in her room celebrating with her, and mulder is crying alone in the hall.

these tags: "all his open love and loneliness and numbness and fear of loss. he's such a gentle man. he kills but he is gentle in his heart. he takes so many beatings and he listens quietly and has no shame. it's hard for him to play the games men play. this ending. he just found out scully is going to live. and everyone else is in there with her. and he has to sit outside. and it all hits him in one go. his sister. his parents. scully. his wasted years. his stupidity and arrogance. how many times has this happened to one of us. you grit your teeth and get through unimaginable difficulty. and then when it's all over you can't celebrate. it hits you on your own in a terrible way."

i always think of that. i always think of superstars of the superbowl. i always think of how ill-equipped and in-adequate we are, when it comes down to it, to deal with grief and trauma and loss. how "we bury our dead alive." and in the end it's "the best news" he ever could've heard, and that steady smile is reduced to sobs.)

honorable mention from paper hearts: i fear that i simply have to talk about him shooting roche in the head...did everybody see him shoot roche in the head? i thought him shooting roche in the head was lovely. you can watch it tear him apart, leading up to the moment. roche sitting in front of him, taunting him. how sure are you? you'll never know without me. but ultimately, he looks over at caitlyn, and he can't risk it. he had told caitlyn, "my name is fox, i'm gonna take you home." and then he did, even when ensuring she was found safe and well, meant sacrificing everything he'd been looking for.

the transition from that moment on the bus (roche's blood on the windows, caitlyn's screams, mulder's gun) to the walls of the basement office...the way the camera slowly pans over the UFO articles. the "i want to believe." the mysteries. all of that wishful thinking (as roche had said earlier: "it's like you think your world will be okay as long as you can believe in like...flying saucers") contrasted to the flesh and blood of the evil he's trying to escape. and, in the end, all there is left is one heart in front of him. one last victim that he'll never know the truth about, because he wasn't willing to risk the price paid for answers.

(and then scully says...but we will find her. how? "i don't know. but i do know you.")

honorable mention from oubliette: my top 2 episodes do be my top 2 episodes but there are few moments in this series that just make my heart sink to my stomach more than the image of mulder crying over lucy's body...that triptych line: "mulder who still grimaced at cadavers and cried over the bodies of dead women where most men she knew couldn't muster the wherewithal to appear disturbed."

lightning round appreciation for my favorite little tiny moments we don't talk about enough: casually giving his hotel key to the unhoused man in the jersey devil; holding kevin and telling him he knows he just wants his sister back in conduit; helping roland pick out a shirt to wear ("i think this one would look stylin' today, what do you think?") in roland; going back in for the kids even though he's afraid/had failed before, in fire; marty saying she "just knew" he would be at her sentencing, even though she couldn't see him, in mind's eye; taking scully to the liberty bell, after she complained about wanting a life outside of work, in shadows; when cassandra told him that reading news stories about him saved her life, because no one would ever believe her, until she found out about him, in patient x; telling skinner to get marita off the stand, "no. let her go," even though her testimony was the only thing that could save him, in the truth; telling off the sheriff in conduit who said it was "only a matter of time" before "something bad" happened to ruby because she "was no prom queen"; telling scully that he doesn't care if she comes with him or not, but he's not giving up on ruby "until they find a body."

#and also all of the rest of them. all of the rest of the things that he did in the franchise.#trish you're sickkk for inviting this madness but thank you bc i loved doing this even tho #i stared at it for 2 days as though i were sisyphus staring at his boulder #asks #sorry this is sooo much i went all out bc when else am i gonna have an excuse to gab appreciatively like this :)#but this is kinda my magnum opus of weepy apologia #i tried to pick a variety of like my Favorite favorite + ones that i think are central to his character

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f1letters · 1 year

Text

bigger than the whole sky | ms47

"i'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been what should've been you"

summary: guilt consumed her alive when she lost the baby she initially didn't plan on having... maybe the outcome could've been better if she did something different, she thought

warning: very heavy and very sad story, angst, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of a panic attack, grief, death, mention of unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage, brief mention of blood, loss of a child, mention of the hypothetical future that the baby would have had, happy-ish ending

pairing: mick schumacher x reader

word count: 2.9k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past. I would also like to point out that this one has to be the hardest story I have written so far as it is very personal to me. I've thought a lot about NOT posting it over the past few days, exactly because of these heavy topics. but I think this needs to be spoken about a lot more than it is, especially with how many women/people with reproductive systems suffer from miscarriages in silence. please read the warnings before reading!

german words used: liebling = darling; schatz = sweetheart; mama = mom

on a less sad note, I think everybody knows how much I love mick, I hope we still get to see him next year (please papa toto, rescue my man!!!)and that he gets another chance in the 2024 grid. with this being said, I hope you enjoy this one and have your tissues with you!

masterlist

No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Many say that grief is the price of love.

That grief is just a form of love; a love that can't be given anymore to someone we could hug and kiss and see before they were gone.

That grief is the result of a space that is left empty in our lives after someone physically loses strength and lets their soul rest.

But as much as we are prepared from childhood to grieve for someone we had time to love, nothing prepares us for the heart-wrenching experience of losing someone we didn't even have a chance to know and cherish.

Such suffering, pain and anguish seemed impossible to fit in Y/N's small and fragile heart, as she tried to accept the aftermath of the loss of her baby.

She stood there, stuck in time, just thinking of everything she could have done differently. Searching for an explanation for why life had played such a cruel trick on her. Wondering why.

Why me? Why with us? Why them?

As the young woman lay on her back in the middle of her big white bed in search of answers, the only sound that echoed between those four walls was her painful sobs as salt streamed out of her eyes and into her ears.

That same sound was her only company, as her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

She couldn't blame him though. She knew that his absence in the room they shared was due to her own cold and distant attitude towards him over these last few days.

But she just couldn't face him.

Looking into his eyes would only make her realize that they mirrored the exact same pain in hers.

And as selfish as it sounded, she wasn't ready to face his loss when she could barely accept her own.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

She didn't want to see him or talk to him. Even during the night, Y/N found herself escaping to the uncomfortable couch in the living room to avoid sleeping next to Mick, almost as if she was too afraid to touch him and thereby infect him with her sadness.

Everything for her suddenly changed, and she couldn't wrap her head around how a being so fragile and so precious that never even had a chance to live could be the only meaningful thing in her life at that moment.

'Pregnant 1-2'

Leaning against the cold tiles of her bathroom, sitting on the marble floor, the young woman tried to calm her uncontrolled and panting breathing.

It couldn't be. This couldn't be happening to her.

Her eyes read over and over again the small letters on the digital display of the pregnancy test in her hands. Almost as if she expected that at any moment they would change and that she would wake up from the nightmare she saw herself in.

Her head was all over the place. She couldn't have a child now. She was in her early 20s, she had only been with her boyfriend for a little over a year, and he was just starting his second year in Formula 1.

Not that she doubted her love for Mick or his for her. If there was one certainty she had in the world, it was that he was the love of her life, even if their relationship was fairly recent.

But they never even spoke about having children in the long run, let alone already. She hardly saw him herself most of the year. How would she be able to take care of a baby in those conditions?

The pressure was building in her lungs and her vision was beginning to blur as the girl panicked more and more, until she was awakened by the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door.

"Schatz, are you okay? You've been there for over thirty minutes." She heard the driver's concerned voice on the other side of the door. "I'm getting worried, can I come in?"

From inside the bathroom, Mick got no response and only heard the cries of his partner who had finally given in. Without thinking twice, he opened the door and went down to her level, kneeling on the floor in front of the girl.

"Liebling, what's wrong? Talk to me." He brought both his hands up to the sides of her jaw, leaving soft caresses with his thumbs until her gaze met his.

"I'm sorry, Mick. I'm so fucking sorry." Y/N replied, shaking her head in denial while crying uncontrollably.

The boy was only more confused by his girlfriend's apologies, but when he looked down at her lap and saw the blue stick, he immediately realized what was happening and his arms dropped to his sides in shock.

"Fuck. Y- You- Are you pregnant?" He asked, shaking with nerves. He leaned against the wall on her side as well, letting his head relax against the tiles.

His hand went to Y/N's thigh in an attempt to comfort her and after a few minutes to assimilate everything that was happening, he spoke again. "Okay. Okay. We're going to be fine. Don't worry, we'll handle this together. I have more than enough money to support the three of us and-"

"Mick, stop." The young woman replied, with some aggression in her tone. "I can't have a baby right now. This is insane."

Remembering that day now brought only heartache and pain, because it was all over now, all out to sea.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

"Y/N, I know you're nervous. I am too, but I know that together we can do this." Mick confessed, grabbing both of the girl's hands and looking at her with the most loving gaze she had ever seen on anyone.

"I barely know your family, you don't even know my parents." She continued with her rambling. "I spend 99 per cent of the year alone in this house while you are God knows where around the world."

"I'll quit." Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the boy's suggestion. "You are worth more than any sport and any dream. You are my dream, both of you are. I want nothing more than to grow old with you and have a family together, so I'll quit in a heartbeat if I have to."

"I would never let you give up on your dreams, Schumacher, and you know it." Y/N felt her body relax for the first time in hours, letting her back lay against her boyfriend's chest, his hands resting on her stomach. "Are we completely crazy for even considering this?"

And for a short time, they were indeed crazy. Crazy for each other and for the future they envisioned for the three of them.

Even without seeing them or touching them, their baby filled their hearts so intensely, with a love they never knew before, that they grew in size with that insane amount of adoration.

Only to be broken into bigger pieces.

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you bеcause I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe

For a few more weeks, the couple lived inside their dream bubble, filled with so much happiness and excitement for their future. Although no one else knew about Y/N's pregnancy yet, everyone noticed how much they glowed, more in love than ever.

Until Mick had to come back to the real world and had to travel to the United States for a race, leaving his girlfriend alone again in their home in Switzerland.

The young woman couldn't explain why she felt so apprehensive and so scared at the idea of being alone. It was not the first time this happened, but inexplicably her sixth sense was already on high alert as she held the German much longer than usual at the airport, as if she was too afraid to let him go.

Two completely normal days passed after the driver left: he called her every day when he woke up, at lunchtime, and when he went to sleep, in an attempt to make her feel less lonely.

But on the third day, she didn't answer him.

He didn't think anything special of it, thinking she was probably busy with something at work, so he went about his morning as if nothing had happened. Hours went by as he was dealing with his media duties, until, on his lunch break, he picked up his phone again and his world seemed to come crashing down in a single instant.

'15 missed calls from Schatz'

'9 missed calls from Gina'

'7 missed calls from Mama'

Alone at home and with no family living in Switzerland, Y/N found herself in complete despair when she saw blood running down her legs. She knew right away what it was, even though her brain begged for another possible reason.

The girl silently prayed for the better as she searched through the kitchen drawers for the paper where she knew her boyfriend's mother, Corinna's number was written.

Y/N simply couldn't face this all by herself.

Although they only met a couple of times before that day, the young woman couldn't be more grateful to have had the Schumacher family's matriarch by her side, to hold her hand and to wipe her tears away as the doctors told her the worst news she would ever hear in her entire life.

"I'm sorry miss, but I'm afraid your baby no longer has a heartbeat."

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

Those words just turned every single thing to come into ashes.

And she couldn't help but feel guilty.

Maybe she had done something she shouldn't have done. Eaten something she couldn't. Made physical efforts that she could not.

Maybe she should have prayed for the baby. She should have accepted the pregnancy sooner. She shouldn't have doubted their ability to have that child.

She was looking for something: an answer, an explanation, a reason.

And although her head knew it wasn't logical, she blamed him too.

Maybe if Mick were here. If he hadn't travelled to the other end of the world. If only he hadn't left her in that house without help and company.

She needed him more than ever, but at the same time, all the distance between them didn't seem enough for Y/N.

The wooden door to their room opened unexpectedly, making the girl turn her back to Mick to prevent him from seeing her tears.

He slowly approached her figure and she felt the mattress lower next to her as he sat up and placed his hand on her bare shoulder.

"Please, I beg you. Talk to me." Y/N heard his voice shake, and it became clear that he was crying too. "I can't take this silence anymore. I'm suffering too, you know?"

She knew she was being unfair to him. After all, he too had lost his child, his future, a part of him, even if he wasn't the one to physically carry it.

She was a childless mother, but he too was a childless father.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

The truth is, she didn't believe the words she was saying in her head.

Mick was the most supportive person she knew. He made a point of asking her over and over again if she was okay, if she needed anything, if she wanted to talk.

But it wasn't until she was forced to face her partner's sadness that she realized that blaming him wasn't going to mend the hole in her heart.

He was the only one who could ease her pain if she let him in.

The girl turned to the boy, finding his back trembling with the sobs he let out. She hugged him from behind, feeling his body relax against hers with the physical contact he desired so much.

Mick lay down next to her on the bed, pulling her as close to him as possible, and they stayed there for hours, in comfortable silence, while they both mourned their loss in each other's arms.

"I'm so sorry, baby." Y/N broke the silence. "I was trying so hard to find a reason for all of this that I ended up blaming myself, blaming you. It was unfair, and I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have ever done that."

"It wasn't anyone's fault, liebling." Mick whispered with his lips brushing against her forehead. "It just wasn't meant to be."

Y/N looked up at the driver, meeting his sad gaze, and the two let the tips of their noses touch.

The two lovers' lips met again after days apart and, even if only for a moment, they both felt whole again.

What could've been, would've been you

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

Nothing hurts like an unexpected goodbye, but they both knew they would carry their baby forever in their hearts, even if they hadn't been able to carry them in their arms.

They were never going to be able to see the baby say their first words and take their first steps.

They were never going to have the opportunity to see their child go to school for the first time, or attend their graduation.

They were never going to be able to comfort them when they had their first heartbreak, or tease them when they had their first crush.

But even though they knew their baby was more than just a short time, they knew the mark they left on them was permanent.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

Two years later, the couple couldn't be in a better place, even though their loss would never fully heal.

Y/N had just won a promotion at work, allowing her to reach the position she always dreamed of holding at the company she worked for.

Mick had returned to the Formula 1 grid after two troubled years in his career and now wore the four Audi rings on his polo shirt with the greatest of pride, alongside his longtime friend and returning champion, Sebastian.

But most of all, the incomprehensible sounds that came out of their rainbow baby's mouth were what made them the happiest they have ever been.

Their newborn baby girl filled their hearts with renewed hope and unlimited love, bringing back colour in a world that was previously only black and white.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

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thank you to everyone that asked to be tagged! please let me know if you want to be added to the next stories! 💌

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andreal831 · 2 months

Note

the subtle racism portrayed by Julie Plec and TVDU (especially Klaroline fans) fans as well towards Michael Trevino (Tyler Lockwood) is something that will always irk my soul. Both the actor and the character were done SO BADLYYYYYY. I know that since Tyler is written as a white character, technically his writing wasn’t “racist”, but I have reason to believe that Julie may have written him the way she did due to her issues with Michael Trevino.

What do you think about Tyler Lockwood? I think he definitely is one of the characters with the most potential besides Bonnie, etc. Most of the POC in the show (actors/characters) had the most potential and were sidelined.

IN FACT, I can say the same about Enzo! Yeah, Enzo St John is a canonically white character, but Michael Malarkey is a mixed race man (Italian/Palestinian-Lebanese), and we know how Julie is towards POC.

Like I’m not trying to blame all the bad writing on racism and discrimination, but all the POC actors/characters have shitty storylines and a lot of them are racist.

Lucy, Sarah Salvatore (the black Salvatore), Enzo, Tyler, Marcel, Vincent, Bonnie, Qetsiyah, etc.

Coincidence?

Whenever I discuss race, I do want to preface it by saying, I am white so I am speaking from that point of view. If you disagree or have another perspective, I would love to hear it.

That being said, I don't even think we can call what happened on the set and in the show "subtle" racism. There was such overt racism throughout the show that it is hard to discuss the show in any way without discussing racism. Just because Julie Plec doesn't view her actions as blatantly racist, it doesn't mean they are not.

Just the fact that they had two actors who are ethically not white but were portrayed as white is telling. Both Michael Trevino and Michael Malarkey were made to appear white in the show when there really wasn't a necessity for it. Tyler being Mexican could have added to the history of the wolves or it could have even come from his mom's side, allowing them to cast a Latina woman. For Malarkey, his race isn't really discussed but it would have been so easy to show him making Bonnie a nice Lebanese meal when they were staying at the cabin (cause lord knows the zionists running the show wouldn't allow him to be Palestinian). I also personally just like Tyler and Enzo more than Damon. I would have been fine with killing Damon off earlier to allow more screen time for them.

A year or so ago, my friend began watching the show for the first time and by the time we got to The Originals, as soon as Sabine walked on screen, she said "Does she get killed this episode?" People of color, especially women of color, were treated as disposable by the network. To the point that Tyler and Enzo likely only survived as long as they did because they were "white" characters. But it is also still obvious how much worse they were treated than any other side characters. Tyler and Enzo are both killed in such nonsensical ways and then they have no justice or even mourning. Tyler was a lifelong friend of the Mystic Falls gang and yet Damon isn't even sternly lectured for killing him for zero reason. Tyler had escaped the supernatural world. What was the point of dragging him back on the show just to kill him and have Damon suffer no consequences. He was Caroline's first epic love and she just forgives Damon for it? And what was the point of Enzo's death? Just to make Bonnie suffer more? Just to make her attend the wedding of his murderer? I know Stefan had his humanity off, but that doesn't change the fact that Enzo was dead and Bonnie was still grieving.

Moving on to how the fandom treats them. There is honestly so much hate in this fandom sometimes, and you're right, there is definitely a racial element to it. The way Tyler is treated by the fandom is so telling. I don't know if a lot of the fandom even knows Michael Trevino's ethnicity, but he is clearly seen as "other" or "less than" by the fandom. We also have to acknowledge how his "angry outbursts" are seen as unacceptable but when Klaus does it, it is because he is just so "passionate." The scene where Caroline keeps pushing Tyler to forgive her for sleeping with his mother's killer comes to mind. He snaps but he makes no move to touch her, and this is after repeatedly telling her to leave and her pushing his boundaries. I have seen the fandom call him "disgusting" and an "abuser" because of this, celebrating the fact that Stefan punches him. Stefan uses physical violence against Tyler's words, yet Tyler is the abuser? Then we have, Klaus, who runs her through with a coat hanger and bites her because she said something slightly rude to him and he is praised for "saving her life." It's hard to believe there isn't a racial element here. I often say Klaus gets pretty privilege, but why isn't that awarded to Tyler? Because we can't deny that Michael Trevino is attractive (I'd say more attractive than Joseph Morgan but y'all will come for me).

There was so much left of Tyler's story. The fact that they even had the Lockwoods as the protectors of Inadu's bones in TO would have been a perfect way to bring him back. Can you imagine Hayley or Klaus having to go beg him for help? It would have been such an amazing moment. But no, instead they bring Matt Davis onto the show to make sure he could infect every single spinoff.

You mention all of these characters and that's just in TVD. TO was no better. One of my mutuals recently got into a Twitter 'discussion' with one of the writers and the writer attempted to claim that the Mikaelsons were white supremacists and that was the point of TO, to show it was bad. Yet, when did they do that? How did they show being a white supremacist is bad? The Mikaelsons were at the top of the food chain the entire time. Yes, they constantly had people coming for them, yet they always won and the writing was always done in a way to make the audience root for them to win. How many POC characters were sacrificed in order to prop up the main characters throughout the shows?

Whenever we talk about racism in the show, we have to talk about Bonnie. Bonnie was constantly having to sacrifice her own wants and happiness in order for her white friends, and even enemies, to get what they want. Often when she set a boundary, the fandom villainized her. According to the writing and the fandom, her entire purpose was to serve the white characters. That is blatant racism.

But it's not just Bonnie. It's her entire ancestry. The fandom seems to believe Emily is Katherine's friend in the flashbacks, but she is clearly either being enslaved or at least some type of servant to Katherine. We can go all the way back to Ayana who Esther stole her spell to create the vampires. Or to Qetsiyah who was cheated on and used in order to aid the white doppelgangers. These things separately may not raise any flags, but the fact that we see it happen repeatedly throughout the show tells us it's more than just a coincidence.

Let's not forget Damon was not a confederate solider in the books. Julie added that. And yes I know he deserted but he says it is basically because he was missing Katherine, not because he morally opposed what he was fighting for. They added the founding families and yet didn't make the Bennetts apart of it even though they had been there longer than anyone. They were actively celebrating slave owners. Tyler's mom makes a passing comment of why they have the chains in the cellars and everyone just moves on. They chose to have the Mikaelsons live on a plantation in New Orleans. They chose to hire a very white cast and make it even whiter by white washing and killing off POCs.

Sure TVD is set in Virginia, but Virginia is only 65% white. So why was the cast 99% white? Then they create a whole show in New Orleans where 59% of the population is black, yet we still have a majority white cast? And when they introduce POCs it is usually to serve the white cast. Both Vincent and Eva were brought on so there bodies could literally be used by the white characters. Eva and Vincent's trauma were completely neglected and Eva was even killed off to allow Rebekah to use her body as she pleased whenever Claire Holt wasn't available to be on set. I've already discussed the difference in how Aurora is treated versus Celeste by the show and the fandom. You can read that here. Marcel is constantly belittled and sidelined, even after he is upgraded. There are so many witches of color in New Orleans, yet Davina is the most powerful? Why couldn't she have been played by a POC?

The show repeatedly dehumanizes people of color, especially the women. It's not a coincidence. It is pure racism. And because the show does it, the fandom does it. I am not taking responsibility away from the fandom. Each individual person should know better. But media is supposed to influence society. If we grow up with media that glorifies and celebrates different races, cultures, ethnicities, the fandom will begin to as well. Julie had no desire to do that. All she cared about was ratings and her own racist viewpoint of the world. She could have done more research, or hell, even just listened to her cast, but she chose not to. The writing of the show suffered because of it, but even worse the actors and even fans suffer because of it.

There are so many great creators in this fandom who are POCs and I highly suggest following them. They are able to give better insight in the discussion of racism in the show. But please keep in mind, they do not owe you their time or energy. It is up to each of us to do our own research and learn.

Thank you for the ask! I hope I answered it. Sorry it was so long.

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miss0atae · 3 months

Text

Random thoughts about Pit Babe the series ep 13:

This is the last episode and what a ride it was. I'm sad we have to say bye to the first Thai BL Omegaverse and every characters from this series. Friday won't be the same.

▪️ Of course, Babe and Charlie are back together. Babe didn't really resented Charlie for making him experienced grief and faking his death. As always, Charlie has always been very lucky with Babe. It must be the power of love. I know I should be disappointed they didn't give them the time to talk about it but it was the last episode and to be honest I'm glad we didn't spend too much time on it. Babe experienced too much sadness and grieves in this series. At least, he didn't have to do it more for Charlie. They are very much in love and happy together and I'm glad for them.

▪️ Babe had his reunion with his father after so many years. He got the chance to express how he felt about this separation. It wasn't my favorite part of the series but it was needed for Babe. I felt like his father appeared too late on the story. It came at the worst possible moment, for me. I wish he was more involved. I can't even understand why he didn't come to Babe when he escaped Tony's place and became a racer. At least, they mended their relationship.

▪️ As for Alan and Jeff, I was really waiting for them to be together in previous episodes and I'm glad in this episode they didn't have to face any hardships. Alan saved his boyfriend and they are happy together. They may be less demonstrative than Charlie and Babe, but what matters is that they are in a loving relationship.

▪️ Winner was still a sore loser. It's funny how his name don't match his personality or actions. He got what he deserves. He was a terrible person. I never had any interest for him. It's not like he never got a chance to be better. Kim tried several time in the series to make him understand that his actions will face consequences and he never listened.

▪️ Tony died! Now, he will never hurt anyone again and all those children are free from his abuse and greed. Kenta is the one who killed him and I think it was the perfect choice. He has been the one who stayed the longest with him and he was brainwashed into believing crumbs of affection (mostly giving him a shelter and not letting him dying alone) was love. He did many bad things in the name of love because he thought he would one day be loved the way he deserved or because he thought he could only do that. This character moved me a lot. I'm glad his free now. It's sad that we didn't get anything after he killed Tony. We don't know what happened to him. Is he taking care of the children? How does he live with the guilt? Is he in contact with Pete?

▪️ Finally, it's time to talk about Way. He wasn't my favorite character but I felt pity for him. In the last two episodes, he tried to redeem himself. He apologizes for his wrongdoing and lies. He actively helped Way and Babe to take down Tony, as well. He also sacrificed his life... and I'm not happy about that. I'm not used to see people dying in BLs. It's mostly the bad guys who are dying because when it's not the case it hurts too much (Yes I'm talking about you History 3: Make Our Days Count. I will never forgive you for the pain!). Way wasn't exactly a good guy but I wanted him to have a real chance to make amends. I wasn't expecting him to die for real. Until the last moment, I thought his death wasn't real and he would appeared. Pete and Way never had a chance to have a relationship. I thought they were supposed to be together. Why?!

The series ended with a positive note because Charlie x Babe, Alan x Jeff and Kim finally being able to compete in a real racing team. However, I'm still feeling a little letdown by what happened to Way, but also about Kenta and Pete in some way. I still consider Pit Babes a really enjoyable series and I had so much fun watching it. It will be a pleasure to watch it again sometimes.

I also hope we'll get to see every actors again in another series, with maybe another pairing because they are all very good and have amazing chemistry. Special mention to Pavel and Nut who know how to be pretty criers. I'm not against any special episode (I know some people don't like them, but I like to stay more in a well-known world with characters I love).

#my thoughts #thai series #thai bl #bl drama #bl series #pit babe bl #pit babe spoilers #pit babe the series #pit babe #random thoughts #We never got Pete x Way!#What about Kenta and Kim?#I'm still shocked about Way's death #Babe spent a lot of time crying. Poor Baby...#At least I had Alan x Jeff!#I would recommend it

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 8 months

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hello!! love your content! i was checking your masterlist and i saw that you had a post about a nonhuman farmer — however, my farmer OC has different features from the one who was previously requested. so i was wondering if i could request something similar, but changing a few things. if not, you can ignore this!

so, i would like to request a similar post: the villagers (bachelors, bachelorettes and townies) reacting to a nonhuman farmer. however, instead of rat-like features, i wanted a farmer with fox-like features — as in, sharp claw-like nails, fox ears, fox tail, fangs and vertical pupils (y'know, similar to when people make a human gijinka of a fox character), all the fun stuff.

additionally! i was wondering if you could also include some Ridgeside Village characters. (i know RSV has like a shitton of characters so it doesn't need to be all of them 😭 if you do include, i would love if you did Raeriyala, Daia, Jio, Blair, Maddie and Ysa specifically, as these are my favorites) but if you can't do them, that's fine!! thank you for your time and take care!

Hello, dear anon! Thank you so much ❤️

Sorry for the long reply, but since there are a lot of characters, I had to write a little longer. I won't include all the RSV residents as I haven't thoroughly researched them all yet, but I wrote about the ones you asked for. Enjoy!

Stardew valley characters react to a non-human Farmer (alt. version):

_________________________________________

Considering that Shane often left the Saloon after two or three mugs of beer, it wouldn't surprise him if that new and annoying farmer had tall fox ears or fangs, since he could chalk those hallucinations up to alcohol intoxication. Worse things will happen if Shane, in his sober state, meets them again.... This town was a bunch of freaks. Though he thinks he's just as much of a freak himself...

Marnie's first thought after the Farmer's true origins are revealed is to make more locks on her chicken coop. Please forgive her, but she had recently survived a fox infestation that took out her favorite hen, and Marnie was still grieving and a little paranoid about foxes. But that was rude to the Farmer, for which she immediately apologizes.

All Elliott wanted was a relaxing fishing trip with his close friends, Willy, the old fisherman, and Farmer. But the Farmer apparently likes to pick a bad time to dedicate secrets. "I'm not really human." Elliott is in a stupor. "Excuse me, what?" "Aye, lad/lass said they're not human." Why in the world is Willy reacting so calmly? And why is the writer only now noticing their fangs and fox ears!

Yoba, poor Harvey and Maru were running around Farmer in circles, unable to understand the x-rays and blood test results. Vertical eye pupils, pointed fangs and claws... Their minds were racing, trying to find answers in medical textbooks and in scientific articles about single cases of mutations. So Farmer would be in the clinic for a long time, before the town doctor and his assistant find answers.

Yo, Farmer, hey! Look at the cool hoodies Sam got for his friends: Abigail's hoodie has cat ears sticking out, and Sebby's wearing a dark green hoodie with a cute frog face. He himself has a hoodie with bunny ears. It's a bit silly and childish gifts, but his friends love it and having fun, so that's what matters most. Oh, you have a hoodie like that too? It's cool, it's got real fox ears and a tail. Huh? Wait, what do you mean they're real? Like a- Holy cow, the ears move! How??? Sam and Abby are shocked, and Sebby thinks it's cool. The trio needs answers!

Looks like Rasmodius doesn't need to brew a potion for Farmer, since they already have forest magic. Oh please, don't look at him so surprised, nothing magical can escape the wizard's keen eye. But there is no need to panic, he himself is completely connected with magic and unusual things, so he will respect the Farmer's secret. Well, now let's talk about Junimo....

Huh, is Farmer what, 7 years old or something? Why are they dressed up in costume? What? Alex can see that? Of course he see it, with those ears and that floor-length tail, it's hard to miss. And... fangs? Strange people, one wearing all black, the others trying to prove to Alex they're foxe. It's crazy.

What the- Oh, for crying out loud. Kid, at least let Marlon and Gil know it's you. They thought the monster from the mines had gotten out and were ready to draw their swords from their scabbards. All right, let's go back, foxy, heh... We're going hunting soon, and you have the best nose for hares.

"Let's see... Dwarves, Shadow People, Elves... No, alas, nothing similar from history." After recognizing the Farmer's true origins, Gunther thought he might find mention of "fox people" in the library books, but there was nothing of the sort. However, if the Farmer themself knows their origins perfectly well, they could write the book! If the Farmer doesn't mind, the library keeper will help with writing a book about the history of an unknown civilization (or just a fairy tale, if no one believes it).

The Farmer decided to reveal a great secret to Kent? Do they want to reveal their true origins to surprise the veteran? Well, the secret's out, Farmer's not quite human! Aha! Caught him by surpri- Wat??? Why no reaction? What's with the 🗿 face? I've seen stranger things in war?! Ugh! "You're not human!?" Well, at least it didn't take long for his wife, Jodi, to react. The poor woman now has mixed emotions about Farmer.

Wow, Gus had heard a lot of different rumors about the new Farmer, but never would have thought.... Well, even though they're not quite human, it doesn't change the way he feels about Farmer. They're a very kind friend and a wonderful person (even if not human), so no prejudice, much to Farmer's relief, on his part. The doors of his Saloon are always open to them.

What? Fox ears? Ah, the Farmer must be playing with the children, they were just putting on all sorts of headbands with the ears of different animals. That's nice of them. Yeah, Jas, did you want something? Does Farmer have real ears? Sure, sure, Uncle Lewis believes you. *Ahem* By the way, is Aunt Marnie home?

Ah, my friend. Sit next to Linus, don't be shy. Warm yourselves by the fire. Hmm? Did you want to say something to him? About not being human, by any chance? Oh, no need to wonder, Linus can see through the magical barrier that wizards and other creatures wrap themselves in when they want to hide. But he's their friend, so their secret is safe. She knows what it's like to be an outcast.

Fox parts on the human body? Fangs, tail and ears?! Scientifically impossible! Demetrius is very interested in this unusual mutation of the new Farmer and would like to investigate it, perhaps even help in some way. Of course, with the Farmer's permission, after all, science is science, but there must be at least some boundaries of decency.

Beyond her natural shock at the news, Robin was glad that Farmer trusted her enough to entrust her with this secret. And she gives her word that if Farmer told her about her not quite human origins, she would keep it. Heh, that's funny... Robin's parents often called her "little foxy" and now Robin will also call Farmer. Just a light tease, nothing bad!

Young one, take off that stupid costume, it's not Spirits Eve. George doesn't understand the younger generation: he used to play grindball with his friends when he was a kid, and now teenagers are putting on silly costumes, calling themselves beasts and going back and forth and interfering with his TV watching. Don't even try to change his mind, he won't believe the Farmer's fox ears are real.

When Farmer stopped by to visit Emily, the girl immediately started praising these plush ears that look just like the real thing. Haley decided to argue with her sister for some reason and began to lament that the fabric probably wasn't the best quality. Emily disagreed completely, and decided to touch the soft fur on the long red ears. Poor Farmer immediately bounced away from the girls. Huh? Tickles? They're not real, how can they.... Did the ears just move?... Okay Haley, stop screaming, let's calm down and talk about, as it turns out, quite real fox ears.

Oh, Evelyn remembers Farmer's Grandpa saying that in their family, the fox was the totem animal. There were statues, wooden sculptures and paintings on his farmhouse. Evelyn is glad that Farmer is also proud of it, even if it is a little unusual, wearing fluffy fox ears. (No, she doesn't believe the fox parts on Farmer are real).

Mr./Mrs. Farmer is a fox? Are they some sort of fox lord? Do they have magic? Can we see it? While Jas and Vincent pepper Farmer with various questions (because where else would you see a fox neighbor?), Leo giggles and thinks to himself that when he, his friends and Farmer play hide and seek, with those tall red ears Farmer will be easy to find.

Clint needed to get some fresh air: the heat of the forge had made his mind foggy, making the farmer look like an animal. But when they went outside, the farmer's animal image hadn't disappeared..... Did he drink too much at the saloon last night?

Oi, that's a strong ale. This stuff is amazing! Gus, pour Pam another full mug! Hell yeah. Hmm, who's distracting her? All right, kid, give her a break after work. Ugh, what do they want, huh? She's busy right now- Why does Farmer have fangs like an animal? And what's with the eyes?... Gus, Pam changed her mind. She's had enough beer for one night. She's already seeing some weird shit.

Aah! Oh, Yoba, what's that? Or rather, who is it? Farmer? Why did you dress up in a costume and get into the bushes and scare Leah? What do you mean, "not a costume"? You got the lenses, and the tail down your back. A real one?! Okay, well, even if that's true, what makes you think hiding in the bushes was the best way to present yourself? Smell of delicious berries. Alright, the artist agrees, blueberries are really good.

Dear viewers, our favorite show begins: "How fast can Farmer make Penny faint?" Last time, our top contestant scared a young teacher in 5.43 seconds when they came out all bloody from the mines. This time, Farmer will reveal his secret to Penny. Aaaaaand.... Exactly two seconds, and the girl fell senseless. A new record! (Apologized to Penny right now).

"I hope we don't get rabies from you?" "Pierre!". Our lovely Pierre, Mr. Tactfulness, part-time shopkeeper, is on a roll as always. Thank Yoba that at least Caroline knows when to stop her husband. So what if the Farmer is a little different, that's no reason to throw around name-calling. "Don't listen to him, dear customer", no one realized where Morris was coming from here. "There's no prejudice in our wonderful Joja about weirdo-, er, I mean unusual people. Come to us, we have 25% off!" "Wouldn't dream of it, Morris! Dear customer, can you bite Morris to give him rabies?" Thanks again to Caroline, who got a bucket of water from somewhere and poured it on her husband and Joja manager.

Bonus + Ridgeside Village:

Wow! Daia didn't know that her Lady's lover, the great Raeriyala, had helpers too, and such a cute one. Oh, you're fox spirit? Hee hee! She wants so badly to touch the fluffy ears, or the soft red tail! Wait a minute... They're not spirits, they give off a completely different aura.... The grandchild of that old Farmer? Intriguing. But it still won't save Farmer from teasing or flirting.

Trust me, if Maddie doesn't run away from a strange sound in the bushes in the middle of the woods, the huge fox ears will definitely make her rush back to town. She won't even realize it's not a wild animal, just a Farmer. Nope, not today, forest! She's too young to die.

Finally, the barrier was removed and the Farmer was able to meet her. Yes, oh farmer, Raeriyala knows who you really are, no need to hide it. She has a lot to tell you about your Grandmother, the evil that lingers in Spirits Realm, and much more. "Are you my mom?" "...What?" (It would be a very awkward situation if Farmer didn't know their biological mother, and then there's a woman fox. So you can understand their confusion).

Not only did Farmer show up at a rather suspicious time, but they're also not human. Jio's caution will not be limited, as there may be spies everywhere, who want to harm his friends, his Lady, and interfere with his mission. On the other hand, there is something about this Farmer, because there's unusual, just like him - where will you meet another elf, right?

And how you supposed to concentrate on fishing when someone is running near the lake and yelling? Blair's irritation was immediately replaced by incomprehension when she saw Ysa running out of the woods toward Ridgeside Village. The girl had dropped a small basket of flowers. And when the young fisherwoman saw in the distance the silhouette of a humanoid with obviously animal-like body parts, it was already Blair's turn to run, leaving the entire fish catch on the shore. And the Farmer only wanted to talk to them 🥲

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tadpolesversion · 4 months

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I've seen a lot of takes™ surrounding Wyll's dialogue at the tiefling party over the past couple of days and I think that while most of what he says is oversight on Larian's part and therefore left to interpretation, these takes really show how little time people spend with Wyll/how misunderstood he is by people who deem him "not worth" traveling with.

The take I've seen most often is how it's "insensitive" of Wyll to cite his horns/changed appearance at a party full of tieflings. In a way that's a valid criticism of Larian's writing, but I personally think that Wyll is actually saying one thing while meaning another here. He's essentially saying that deep down he feels he unsettles them because of what his horns/changed appearance mean in this context, not that horns or tiefling appearance is unsettling. He's implying that they know and understand why his appearance has so suddenly changed and that this would be a cause for concern, which it absolutely would be.

Wyll tells us that he was hell touched from the day he was pacted, that it oozed from him. Most people in Faerun know what it takes to become a warlock so you could bet that a fair few people would already be cautious of someone who was one. This is where Wyll's genuine intentions, personality, and high charisma come into play and save him in that regard. Gale tells us that he's known warlocks who are all too eager to listen to their patrons' devilish influence. Anyone seeing Wyll changed so suddenly would likely assume (if they didn't know him well) that he would scramble to do anything and everything he could to get back in Mizora's good graces. These tieflings who are refugees from a city that fell into the hells would know EXACTLY what a devil would ask of someone in order to get their approval back.

His outward appearance changing is a brand that makes this obvious. When he says he hasn't seen himself just yet and asks what you see, if you tell him you see the Blade of Frontiers he tells you that's because you know the heart behind the horns. He's literally saying that he can't escape scrutiny, he can't escape unjust judgement, he's grappling with this at a party where everyone should be celebrating and because he doesn't want to bring the mood down more than he already has he chooses to make it a bit lighter and deflect by poking at his physical appearance.

"He should be more sensitive, especially when my tav is a tiefling!" HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A PARAGON OF THOUGHTFULNESS AND CARE 24/7. Wyll is literally never given a moment to stop and grieve at any point, for lost relationships, lost childhood, loss of self NOTHING. He has been so strong for so long I think he's allowed a moment of self pity for fucks actual sake.

Is a party a great time? No. But literally half of the party is having a weird introspective time at the party so I would say he's not alone in "bringing the party down" if you can even call it that, considering he's the only one who removes himself from the festivities to have his moment. And if the horn comment is such a big ick for you, send feedback to Larian about it because that's their weird choice of writing coming into play, plain and simple.

#i literally. will steal the kneecaps of the next person i see recycling this stale ass take #shut. UP.#i am not a strong fucking soldier but im reconsidering it #wyll #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers

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galaxythreads · 6 months

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To be honest, I don't know. If you'd asked me a few years ago I would have honestly said no and been kind of offended anyone could hold Loki accountable for anything. But the thing is - now, after a lot of therapy, I don't think that mental illness or distress is an excuse for hurting people unless it is a genuine psychosis. If I was Loki's lawyer, which I'm not, I would say he was experiencing temporary insanity (a type of psychosis sort of) at the end of Thor 1.

But here's the thing, even if Loki wasn't really aware that what he was doing was wrong - did he still hurt the people around him? Yes. He did. Thor will carry lifelong mental scars from that fight. So to me, it's a gray area. Loki may not have understood what he was doing was wrong per se, but Thor was still hurt anyway. And this is not, in any way, a trade-off. Thor has hurt Loki in the movie, so Loki gets one free pass for all that he did to Thor? No. Not how this works. You don't get to hurt someone just because they hurt you. Like that works in fiction as motivation because it's fiction. Thor was hurt, and Loki was hurt. Their relationship is a mess and that was the point of the movie. They both hurt each other.

In the Avengers, Loki's official, MCU given body count may be 80-160ish people, but what about injuries? Mental trauma in the aftermath? Grieving loved ones? That's a minimum of 1000+ people affected.

And here's a not-so-secret secret: I don't think Loki was mind controlled in A1. I don't.

I know MCU has said Loki was being influenced by the scepter, but what does that even mean? They've never explained and Loki doesn't behave the same way that Clint or co did when they were mind-controlled. The scepter clearly has WEIRD effects on people, but what that means for Loki is ?????? They've never explained that further than a couple of sentences and before I accept this as being like canon-canon, I have to know what that means.

I will happily die on the hill that he was tortured by Thanos -- you will pull that from my dead, rotting fingers -- and that is a type of coercion that would absolve a lot of guilt, but I do and don't think Loki bares some responsibility for the invasion. I don't know. It's a gray area. I like the idea that Loki was tortured and then he agreed to attack New York to escape it. Mostly because I'm not afraid to wrap characters in darkness. I think Loki is allowed to have done something awful to escape something equally awful. Gray area. I'm not afraid to poke at the gray area.

But the thing is? Even if Loki 100% absolutely bares blame for Thor 1 and Avengers 1, canon matters very little to me in MCU anymore. They haven't given me anything I was happy to accept into my personal canon since Infinity War. I write fics with whatever now. I characterize Loki off of OG Loki and will continue to do so until I die, sometimes I put in that he was mind-controlled, more often than not I don't. I write Loki as a good person who did an awful thing to escape a worse thing that defines the rest of their existence but they're still trying to be a good person anyway. When I engage with Thor 1, I write Loki as having gone through a massive psychosis, but still having hurt Thor. I write Thor and Loki's relationship as both of them having hurt the other but still willing to burn down worlds for each other. Y'know, just a tad (lot) unhealthy. (But in a fun way because this is fiction and no one is hurt by it). Like my version of canon is slightly detached from canon and I know that, but like? I don't care. No one cares? Do you know the amount of comments I've gotten about a character being ooc in the last 1-2 years in MCU?

Because what even is canon at this point? I could write Loki as literally anything and there would be a canon justification for it because Loki's canon characterization is such a mess now that there's no "correct" version of him anymore.

Like guys -- I write about Hela being a good sister. Do you think canon backs that? Absolutely not. Do I care? No?????? no I don't. She, Thor, and Loki are the best siblings in my heart and I will continue to write about that despite what canon says.

Once I let go of the idea that every character I like is secretly a 100% moral human being who is free of any guilt or terrible things, it relieved a lot of guilt and expectations I have for the characters. One of my main characters in my original book series has a body count in the actual millions and I absolutely adore them, okay? Because it's fiction. No one is hurt by me liking this character. I'm not going to start advocating for death. I've liked Loki since I was 15, and I didn't grow up to be a murderer. Honestly, now I kind of prefer the little bit of darkness because redemption stories are just my Thing TM. I love, love taking the dark or dark-adjacent characters and then dragging them into a found family against their will.

So I don't need Loki to be free of all guilt in order to like him. But I'm also happy to explore the idea that he is because it's fun either way. Darkness or less darkness, he's still just Loki.

(That's why I'm having fun with the Loki season 2. Because to me it's like a fic that took one interpretation of what happened and rolled with it. Because canon is whatever at this point. Loki in the series did attack New York by choice. Does that strictly agree with canon of A1? No. Absolutely not. They're ignoring so much, but the series isn't about that event specifically even as much as I wish it WAS, it's about Loki's relationship with the other characters. Idk. It's complicated.)

Fics are often a love letter to canon, an exploration/extension of what canon is, but other times they're someone looking at canon and going "WHY." and then rewriting it. I'm in the latter part now. I used to be the former, but MCU is just. MCU now. So I kind of looked at Loki and Thor, took a cookie cutter to both of them and then left with that. There's still other dough, but I don't care about it.

So yes I hold him accountable. And no. And kind of both?

#loki #thor #loki and thor

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mah-t-wordblog · 2 months

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It's Too Cold For You Here

Tanjiro journeys by himself in a snow storm to his old home, while Nezuko stays and sleeps at Butterfly Mansion. Giyu Tomioka catches sight of him near his home village and follows at a distance to see what he is up to. He watches Tanjiro grieving at his old home for his family, wandering around and sitting in his house like a lost soul. Unable to leave him, he steps in, and eventually convinces Tanjiro to leave the bloodstained place and follow him to a Wisteria House, where the boy finally opens up about his heartbreaking reunion with his family in the dream world and how he left them crying after him and how much he misses his parents, as well as how he had to take his own life so many times to escape. He admits that he hates himself and blames himself for not going home that night and relives the cruel words that his 'dream family' said to him. He admits he relives the whole thing every night and is so exhausted and emotionally beaten he barely eats or sleeps anymore.

The dream world for Tanjiro...I am so sure just about broke him mentally and emotionally. He has not told anyone because it was so painful, so Giyu is the first to learn and I am sure he is inwardly heart broken for the boy, even if he is so stoic and gruff. But he can see how much damage it has done to Tanjiro and because he cares for him, he is concerned.

Maybe during the conversation Tanjiro also opens up and shares things about his dad and mom and siblings so Giyu gets to learn more about his family as well as who Nezuko was as a human.

It would be cool to get a lot of Giyu's inward thoughts on the boy, past, present, and future, as well as what he is thinking while listening to the boy.

Angst comfort fic, with stoic Giyu comforting Tanjiro to the best of his abilities and getting him to eat some supper. Platonic cuddling and sleeping?

Hiii, I don’t know if this is exactly what you want me to write, maybe I made some changes, but I left the main focus as you wanted, I hope you like it anyway 💛💛

It’s too cold for you here

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡

This fanfic is originally in Portuguese, my English is translated using an automatic translator, if there are any big errors you can tell me so I can fix them

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡

Gyuu Tomioka was climbing the cold mountain, the air there gave him a headache

It wasn't the first time he visited that area, not really. He had already gone there the first time he met the Kamado twins

The town there seemed bustling, despite the intense cold of the winter that was beginning.

Some people wished him good morning as he passed by, but Gyuu didn't respond to them, because he wasn't interested in talking to other people at all, he had something to resolve.

Shinobu Kochou had informed him that Tanjiro Kamado had disappeared that night, leaving his sister sleeping peacefully in the rooms of the Boboleta Mansion.

Wasn't that common for Tanjiro to disappear like that overnight? Go out without him sister? Run away and abandon everyone?

These questions certainly didn't make sense in his head.

So Gyuu used reason to understand where Tanjiro had gone, and the answer was this mountain

He thought of all the possibilities of what could happen as he climbed through the deep snow.

He stopped in front of a small house, humble, cozy, on top of the mountain.

And he heard a very familiar sound

As he got closer, he realized that the sound was coming from someone crying.

Tomioka's heart accelerated and he ran into the place

Yes, Tanjiro was kneeling on the carpet on the floor. He cried, as if all the scenes he experienced there were happening now

The man felt a pang in his heart, how cruel life was for that little boy.

“Tanjiro-“ Gyuu said

The boy looked back scared, but calmed down when he saw who it was.

“What happened here, Tanjiro?”

The boy opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't say anything.

Gyuu sighed

“Come here” he extended a hand to help Tanjiro up, but when he pulled the boy, he brought him into a big hug

Tanjiro was a little confused, but relief spread throughout his body, he stopped crying.

"You are hurt?" Gyuu asked, referring to the boy's bloody leg.

“Y-yes” he finally said “I got stuck in some bushes on the way here”

Tanjiro took a few steps back and Gyuu saw that he was limping.

“Come on” Tomioka signaled to Tanjiro “come up here”

The boy did as he was asked, he climbed onto Gyuu's back

And in that position the two descended the mountain

Gyuu really wanted to ask what was happening, why Tanjiro was like this. But would the boy want to tell it? Gyuu doesn't see any reason why someone would want to tell him a secret

But he should try, for the boy's sake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gyuu left Tanjiro alone in a room in the Butterfly Mansion and went to look for help for a moment.

He was afraid of what sadness could do to him

The man ran until he found Shinobu

“Please, Kocho, some medicine” he panted after running so desperately

“Tomioka, what happened?”

“I found him, Tanjiro”

Shinobu opened her eyes wide and ran to her room.

In just a few minutes, Shinobu had prepared bandages and medicine for the boy.

"Are you well?" She asked. Tomioka could see that the fake smile wasn't even on her face, she was worried

“Yes” Tanjiro replied, but without smiling like he always did.

Shinobu looked at Tomioka, she got up and went towards the door

“Tomioka, please come here”

The man did as he was asked

“Please, I fear that Tanjiro is reaching the point of irreversible sadness, talk to him, you are still the one who helped him, the one who allowed him to become who he is today”

Tomioka sighed, he looked away from her, he wanted to help, he really wanted to

“You’re like a big brother” she asked “think of him as Sabito, okay?”

Tomioka was scared, he didn't remember telling Shinobu about his life, but... but...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh yes, it was on a day like that. Tomioka was found wandering in the mountains looking for the place where Sabito had been buried, he ended up slipping on the snow in the mountains and fell, all the way down the hill.

He remained on the ground, all broken, just waiting for death, when someone came close to him. They were two beautiful women, he remembers, they were Kanae and Shinobu Kochou

They carried him and took him to a beautiful, large house, in the room where they placed him there were several sick people, injured like him.

Then the woman with pink barrettes in her hair approached him.

“What’s your name, hunter?”

Gyuu looked at her, he wasn't a hashira yet, nor was Shinobu, just Kanae

“Gyuu Tomioka”

Kanae sighed

He could see that Shinobu was staring at him, but when he looked at her, she looked away.

“Why were you climbing the mountain, Tomioka?” Kanae asked.

Gyuu didn't respond

The woman seemed worried “it’s okay, if you need anything you can call me”

Then Kanae left the room, leaving Gyuu and Shinobu alone.

A long moment of silence was broken by Shinobu

“Did you know anyone from there?”

Gyuu felt a pang in his heart

"Yes"

The woman looked at him “who?”

Gyuu didn't know why he should tell Shinobu about this, but he felt like he should. Did she make you feel confident? What was that feeling? He barely knew her

"It's a long story…"

"I am interested"

Their gaze met

Gyuu felt hot

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The feeling that someone cares about you is very good, Gyuu wanted Tanjiro to feel it too

“I’ll take care of him” he said, placing a hand on the woman’s shoulder.

"Thanks"

Gyuu Tomioka entered the room again

Tanjiro was curled up on his bed, lying down, sad. Gyuu sat next to him

“Do you want to talk, Tanjiro?”

The boy sat down “talk about what, sir?” Even sad he was impressively polite

“About why you were on that mountain”

Tanjiro sighed, he covered his face with his hands, Gyuu heard the sound of crying

“No- there’s no need to talk, only if you want to” Gyuu said worriedly

The boy calmed down “I want to talk”

Gyuu looked at him, the more relieved and calm expression, different from the bored and sad one that was always on the hashira's face, made Tanjiro feel calmer and calmer.

“So get started, I’m here to listen.”

Tanjiro said, once he started talking he didn't stop. He told about when his father died, about what Nezuko was like when she was human, about his mother and his brothers, about the day he slept outside and never stopped blaming himself for it, when he discovered that they were dead...

Gyuu really didn't imagine Tanjiro's life was so difficult

Finally, the boy ended by telling about the dream he was subjected to by that inferior omnimoon, the terror he felt at having to take his own life so many times, having to abandon his family even though he knew none of it was real.

“It was torture! Psychological torture, that shitty oni, I hate it! I hate them!” Tanjiro started screaming, getting out of control, the boy never did that, he started hitting the bed hard

“Tanjiro!” Gyuu exclaimed

Tanjiro looked at him, his eyes swollen with tears.

“I know, Tanjiro” the man took one of the boy's hands “I know what it's like to lose everything you have, I've lost it twice myself, I lost my whole world, and it's all my fault”

Tanjiro wiped his eyes “and what did you do?”

“I didn’t let myself forget who I always loved. I haven’t forgotten the sister who protected me” he pointed to the red part of his clothes “and I haven’t forgotten the friend who saved me” he pointed to another part of the clothes, which had colorful patterns

“Do you visit the place of their death?”

“Every day I can, but I'm careful, so I don't fall and hurt myself, like you.”

Tanjiro chuckled, then Gyuu laughed too.

“Thank you, Mr. Tomioka” Tanjiro lowered his head smiling

“I'll always be here for you, boy” Gyuu rubbed a hand on the boy's head, ruffling his hair “it's okay to be sad sometimes, right?”

"Right"

Gyuu got up

“Sir, one last thing”

The man turned around “yes?”

“Could you see what Miss Aoi is cooking? It smells soooo good” Tanjiro smiled

Gyuu was surprised by the boy's good mood and started laughing. Tanjiro had never seen Gyuu laugh so much, and he thought it was one of the best sights he had ever seen.

Yes, Gyuu was like a teacher to Tanjiro, but they were great friends, because their lives were never that different, right?

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡

Thanks for reading 💛💛

#fanfic #demon slayers #kimetsu no yaba #demon slayer fic

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