#this is really long
Text
Being a Magical Girl in Gotham (Platonic)
Y/n is 15 in this and started being a magical girl at 10
I don’t read the comics so the timeline is likely fucked along with some characters maybe being out of character. I don’t care tho cause this took a long ass time to write and I had fun writing this. So please enjoy
Part 2 Part 3 part 4
3302 word count lol
Becoming a magical girl like in the cartoons you watched as a young girl initially seemed like a dream come true
A wish wrapped in a big pink sparkly bow that when unwrapped opened Pandora’s box to the amount of responsibilities that would be carried over to you
You were naive back then, but after years of being one your much mature now
That initially girly sense of joy soon fading away as the glitter and glam could no longer shield your eyes from the weight of something bigger than yourself was voluntarily placed on your shoulders
Doesn’t matter much in the end. there's no turning back time no matter how you longed to reset its hands
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
It’s no surprise that they ended up gravitating towards earth. Even more so Gotham, a breeding ground for the worst of the worst
Their mindless creatures. Just feeding and taking over entire universe’s to suck them dry until moving to the next
You used to feel sympathy for them, how horrific it would be to one of them. but now you feel nothing for them. 5 Years of watching them shrivel into nothing and hurt others made that go away though
Their screeches of pain becoming background noise along with their snarls of hunger.
You're now desensitised to it all. The loneliness and sadness at watching others you age enjoys their lives oblivious to everything.
Sometimes it makes you smile though. Knowing that because of your actions those same girls can live their lives, happy and full of joy.
At least you're not truly alone though. Your mentor/companion/eldritch-type being in the form of a ferret named Rigel.
They're an odd company. A being of seemingly endless knowledge and power, one that traversed through countless dimensions and universes, something that could end the world with a single thought…in the body of a adorable ferret that curls around your neck and perched on your shoulder
Rigel is stern but caring. A mentor who pushes you to your limits but knows when to stop and when you need a break despite how much you protest.
Someone/something that cares for you despite the fact that compared to them you're a single dim star in an entire cosmos of brighter shining ones.
As a Gothamite you know the streets well, and its people even better. Giving you the advantage at tracking down and stopping shadowmites as the midnight hour ticks onwards
You usually get rid of around 7-16 a night. Most being weaker varieties but occasionally having to toughen up to defeat the strong ones who had found a particular rageful host.
During the 5 years you had been doing this ever since your 10th birthday you surprisingly (and luckily) hadn’t had the chance to meet Batman face to face
Sure, they had been times you saw him off in the distance but you hadn’t fully talked to him by a stroke of chance
His enemy’s on the other hand, oh boy do you know them well
You had saved quite a few of them.
The goal was to eliminate the shadowmites, it didn't matter who you saved in the process…unless it’s Joker.
Even Rigel would allow you to let Joker be sucked dry like a cool-aid packet lol
Anyways
Because of you saving a ton of them you're on their good lists. A metaphorical safe card given to you as you spend your nights saving more people
After saving Penguin the older man allowed you free use to the iceberg despite your complaints of not wanting anything
You have your own little private table set up.
Mr.Cobblepot insists you don’t need to pay but you do so anyway
The food is much better than the McDonald’s you buy on a daily basis. It deserves the money you insist to spend on it
Most of His goons now know you. Sometimes joking you when off duty to talk while you eat
Most are pretty nice (to you anyways), often times rambling about their day or talking about their families
Some have kids your age. Some of them you even recognize from Gotham academy
The waitresses are also nice. Most of them very pretty and always fawning over how cute you look.
Penguin himself occasionally joins you in his spare time. Making causal talk, asking of your hunting and how your life has been
It’s….nice?. Kinda weird to be having a mob boss ask about your day but it’s a change of pace from your relatively lonely life
Kinda reminds you of some rich uncle who swoops by every now or then. Spoiling you before being whisked off on a new endeavor
He tells you that you're welcome during closing hours as well. This place serving as a safe haven of sorts if you should need it
Riddler is another though you see him less than Penguin
It’s the occasional blink and you see it kinda encounters but their amusing
The green clad man finds it fun to bitch about how the Gotham time’s riddles are too easy or how Batman is a dick
He (of course) also tells riddles. Seemingly getting a ride out of watching you try to figure them out
He also seems weirdly protective. Warning that if the bat gave you trouble then come to him
He’s not the only one to say that to you but you appreciate the sentiment
Seems oddly worried that if your in school and if your getting a good education
You tell him you are but don’t specify where just in case
He’s satisfied with that answer though. Even offers to help with math and or science homework
Gloats a lot and talks even more. Seems to appreciate that you actually listen to him and his ramblings
At one point he suggests making your colour scheme to match his
You politely decline saying you couldn’t pull it off like he did which makes his ego expand
Sometimes he hacks into security cameras or large screens to give you a riddle cause he’s bored
May or may not slip Rigel a 20 for you to have some spare change that you desperately need
Harley, Ivy and Catwoman fucking love you
You had initially only saved Harley but after that the two just joined in with her on basically becoming your honorary aunts
You end up running into them a lot during your long nights. Usually stopping by Ivy’s and Harley’s apartment for small breaks
They patch you up as best they can, ivy fixing you a cup of tea as Harley’s hyena’s curl up near your lap
Catwoman usually stops by during these breaks. Sometimes with a box of kittens whom she has you name
All of them are worried for you both mentally and physically so they make you a deal. On Saturdays after 12am unless super urgent you have a girls night with them, in return you have their help in patching up your wounds
They prep popcorn, drinks and the whole 9 yards to give you a break. They play a movie (usually a chick flick) and just let you rewind
If they hadn’t made this deal you probably wouldn’t have taken any breaks
Their all silently impressed that you’ve not only survived this long but also somehow ended up befriending half the villains in this damn city
You say that their just acquaintances but Ivy argues that Mr.Cobblepot is a cheapskate who wouldn’t give you a basically lifetime pass to his lounge for nothing
Harley warns you to stay away from Joker no matter what. And that if he even walks 10 metres near you he’s getting a lifetime trip to deadsville
Red Hood is the first of the bats that you run into. During his whole escapade to take over the underworld something that was kinda considered a myth to the rest of Gotham but was confirmed by the many people you saved
The meeting was ok…but then derailed when you noticed the black clawed tendrils clinging into his shoulders
His shadowmite that feed off his rage was fucking hard to beat. It took a lot out of you, almost killed you and left you hobbling to Harley’s for help before passing out
You woke up in a warehouse, patched up by him personally before he began to question you
Like usual you gave him the rundown of things. The entities that feed off negative emotions, eventually drained their life force, your the only one who can stop them with your magical powers etc etc
What catches you off guard though is when he asks if your parents know
The silence answers his question. One that feels deafening to his ears as he realizes that your basically alone in this
Pitted against a cruel world with no one but yourself and the kindness of literal criminals to accomplish an impossible task
It seems to shake something in him, something that’s not your business to ask about but makes him seem fragile in that moment
It’s not a word you’d associate with him yet that’s the only thing you can describe him as in the moment
The dim blue glow of his helmet’s eyes seeming now less intimidating to your smaller shaking form
He then asks how you got away with this so long without the bat (he says it with a certain poison in his voice) didn’t stop this
You just answer that you were just lucky in evading his notice. You were careful not to gain public attention and just focused on your job (his fists tightened a bit at this wording)
He helps you after this, dropping you off at Harley and Ivy’s
He seems hesitant in letting you go but trusts your decision enough once he sees the two fuss over you from a distance
He appears commonly to you after that. Inviting you to sit atop the old Gotham library with a bag of Dairy Queen in hand
It makes you wonder if he has younger siblings, if this is how it felt to be cared for by a older brother
You used to wonder what that felt like along with having parents. It makes your normally hollow chest feel warm and fuzzy
Couple months later he ends up working with batman. Whatever disagreement with the man now resolved as his uniform now has a red bat added to his chest
Your initially nervous until he promises not to “rat you out to the old man” as he put it
He opens up a bit more during your talks with him. Talking of how he grew up in the slums, had to rely on himself to survive just as you do
It’s kinda comical to see the gun wielding, motorcycle driving, leather jacket clad vigilante talk about Jane Austen but it certainly becomes a fun pastime as you work on an english essay
Just like the Gotham Sirens he worries. But even more than they do
He suggests tagging along with you on some of your hunts but you decline. Appreciating the sentiment but making a clear line in what you are comfortable with.
He accepts but there’s still a sense of worry that seems to claw at him everytime he finds you with cuts, bruises and dried blood caking your elaborate uniform
Eventually during your meetups with him your talk of pride and prejudice is interrupted by Nightwing
It’s kinda awkward sitting there eating ice cream with Rigel as the two grown men bicker like brothers about you
You end up leaving midway though to hunt again
But then the blue wearing hero ends up finding you much to your displeasure of just wanting to get back to work
He’s much more cheery and charismatic compared to Red hood. More of a people person by how he easily seems to break down your hesitation to talk to him
Like hood he’s definitely worried for you but seems to hide it a bit better with humour and general polite talk
You notice he does acrobatics a lot, leading to you asking him him about it
He kinda ends up being your teacher and you now know how to cartwheel and a few other tricks
Like hood he promises not to tell Batman he even jokes that at this point he should get red Robin and Robin so Batman is the last to know
He talks about a variety of subjects but kinda focuses in on how you have a healthy way to relive the stress you have
Doesn’t exactly approve of you stopping by the Gotham sirens for that but he relents after red hood calls him out on also being friends with villains before (an apparently more than friends in some cases?)
Both he and Red hood argue quite a bit but it’s funny especially when it has both grown men throwing fries at one another like 10 year olds
He has you swear not to drink coffee cause apparently red Robin is addicted to that shit and he doesn’t need another coffee adict
Briefly mentions how he has a friend named Raven whom you should meet
Y’all have mock battles cause he wants to see you in battle. Safe to say he likes the sparkles and the glamour of it all
He finds it interesting that your magical girl weapon can change depending on the situation and still looks cute
Those once cold and lonely nights that you spent fighting evil shadow creatures has changed seemingly for the better
Despite the fact that frost nips at your fingertips through your gloves, attempting to suck the warmth from your flesh you feel oddly warm inside
During the day your a seemingly normal 15 year old student at Gotham academy. Someone who blends into the Background, someone who no one really knows about but doesn’t question why
The only really noticeable thing about you is your above average grades and quiet nature
You're just known as that one seemingly nice student. That’s really the only thing people can label you as, you don’t really mind.
It was your goal to be unnoticeable, to just be another face to everyone.
It kinda becomes a bit complicated though as through your normal school year you notice the infamous Damien Wayne seemingly gaining an interest in you?
Odd. You never really interacted with him other than polite hello’s and the occasional moment you’d sit near somewhat near him in the library for lunch
Hell he wasn’t even in the same grade as you. He was 13, you never even had a project or something that led you to actually talk to him.
And now for some reason he decided to have a curiosity in you. The one thing you didn’t want happening.
During lunch you end up eating in random places. Randomly Rotating between areas and locations like the courtyard, library, empty classrooms and the gym
He’s smart though, scarily so. Almost as if he was experienced in tracking people down. Leaving you light on your toes as you dance to weave past and try to outsmart and outlast him until the bell rings
It doesn’t get any better when you leave for the end of the though. He waits for a few minutes by the front of the school, limo ready to take him home yet he still tries to spot you as you leave.
Eventually you up and ask him why he's been stalking you for the past 2 weeks, turns out Damien saw Rigel and wanted to pet them plus his older brothers encouraged him to make a friend
Safe to say he got to pet Rigel who crawled out your bag and scurried up his arm
The friend bit is a bit more complicated
You never had a friend your age after gaining your abilities. Being so busy had deterred people at the orphanage before you ran off, faked some paperwork and found yourself an apartment who didn’t ask questions as long as you paid for rent.
You had purposefully made yourself invisible to everyone, to avoid becoming gaining attention and becoming attached knowing they’d leave you for being so busy
You know you should say no but…your heart tugs at the somewhat nervous look he has in his eyes despite how much he tries to hide it along with the feeling of joy clawing at your heart
For the first time at school you smile genuinely as you nod. His eyes light up with joy, a small somewhat prideful smile painting his face
Your days at school after this are much more eventful, less of a cycle like it was before
Due to your new friendship with the elusive and loner wayne it causes some stir but the young boy quickly silences all hushed talking with his infamous glare
He’s actually quite fun to be around, always talking about his pets or how his step-brothers were a pain in the ass
He still sometimes has an attitude but you got to eventually see past that. To see the real Damien who nerded out over random animal facts or had his dog as his screensaver
It took a long time to get to this point but you don’t find yourself regretting the decision because of the fact he’s understanding of you being busy or having a far off look in your eyes that looked eternally tired.
His are the same sometimes, drained and empty of colour and life
You asked him one day while you both ate lunch in the courtyard, laying down on the dark green grass, why he decided out of all people to befriend you. The wallflower, the name without a face, the kid whom everyone just knew as nice and that’s it
He said it's because of your eyes. How they reminded him of himself, not in personality per say but in the fact they held untold secrets and a weight that no one else but you would understand.
That day he invited you to his home. The glorious wayne manor as to finally meet his canine friend Titus
It feels kinda out of nowhere but with some hesitance you agree, hopping into the limo that picked him up everyday as a old butler greeted you with a surprised smile
Damien greets him with the same fondness he seemed to hold for you, introducing the older british man as Alfred
#dc x reader#batfam x reader#platonic#jason todd x reader#Damien Wayne x reader#Dick Grayson x reader#poison ivy x reader#Harley quin x reader#riddler x reader#penguin x reader#based off of my love for madoka magica and sailor moon#plus pretty cure#this is really long#like#magical girl y/n
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
people do not understand how hard it was on the women in the camp and why they act the way they do and I’m tired of them getting hated on
Sadie Adler is allowed to be upset. she lost her husband, her home, everything, and has to adapt to the life of an outlaw all while still grieving and healing. she also has to share the same living space with the man who burned her house down to the ground and threatened to kill her. and even aside from Micah, she still isn’t treated all that fairly, being expected to do the more feminine chores around camp instead of being able to go out and hunt and rob. and she’s taken into the gang while it’s deteriorating so things just continue to go downhill and she loses one of the few friends she had made along the way at the very end.
Abigail Marston is allowed to be upset. she was a working girl at a very young age and was taken into a gang where her only real purpose at the time was to satisfy some of their sexual needs. and then she gets pregnant with Jack and her entire situation becomes more permanent. but then the father of her son ran away for a year and she was still surrounded by people who thought highly of him, she still had to do some sort of work either inside or out of camp, and I really think Susan was the only woman in camp who would know anything about pregnancy even if she had never been pregnant so the birth of Jack (and probably most of the pregnancy) was probably overlooked by most of the men excluding the ones like Hosea, Arthur, and Dutch. and then for John to return and claim that Jack isn’t his can only lead for her to have more emotional turmoil. and she couldn’t just leave the gang, she had nowhere to run to, a son to take care of, no job, and also a very limited amount of freedom. the gang moved a lot, the gang got into trouble a lot, there was always the fear that something would go horribly wrong and they’d loose a handful of people or that the law would finally show up. or that something would somehow happen to her son. we can see in the game how protective she is over him and how she’s still trying to get John to believe he’s his son. there’s also one interaction in the game where we hear Susan saying she should get back into the field of prostitution just to get some more money. one of the characters we see her closest to is Hosea, he’s a friend to her and had been the one to step up as a role-model for Jack and has spent more time with him in a day than John has in a month, so in chapter three when Hosea dies, it doesn’t get any easier for Abigail. AND HER SON LITERALLY GETS FUCKING KIDNAPPED???? she didn’t know if she’d ever even see her son again, and she does not owe John any kind of ‘thank you’ for rescuing their son. and we see the game where the gang is falling apart, characters die, people are tense and anxious, money is seemingly short no matter how much you donate, and her and her son are in what seems to be a situation they can’t escape from. I do not know every single thing she’s been through and have probably skipped over some details, but Abigail has not had the best experience in the gang.
Molly O’Shea is allowed to be upset. I already talked about her some here, but some people (@river-of-wine , @sweetybees , @dazednstoned) added things in the tags. Molly is promised a life of excitement and adventure from before the beginning of the game by Dutch, he isolates her early on so he’s really the only person she has a connection with in the gang, making her dependent on him. people in the gang and in REAL LIFE TOO are more often than not on Dutch’s side when it comes to Molly. as soon as we start chapter three Dutch becomes bored of her, already seeking out some other woman inside or out of the gang to rope into his life and his gang. so as literally any normal woman would feel, she is upset. she has no support group in the gang because of her isolation early on and the fact that most of the other women in the gang don’t care for her because she never had to do the work that they had to because Dutch made sure she would t have to. she has pent up emotions that lead to “outbursts” which only annoys the other gang members and causes her to isolate herself even more. Molly was a victim. she was not a bitch, she was not asking for too much, she was not undermining the situation, she just wanted Dutch to do the bare minimum for her.
being a woman in a gang in a world run by men was not easy. there are hundreds of other women in fiction and real life that have lived through these experiences, and the women in the VdL gang have it better than most cases, but they still don’t have it good. and this isn’t even to mention about how the world outside of the gang treated women (especially prostitutes and immigrants) at the time. a majority of the women in the VdL gang didn’t come to a good end, Abigail suffered throughout the gang, Molly and Annabelle got shot because of Dutch, Susan was Dutch’s ex and definitely suffered from his manipulation, I don’t really know about Bessie because she died of an illness and Hosea most likely treated her amazingly but she probably also went through some ordeals. the only women of the gang who really got out of the gang safe were Tilly and Mary-Beth.
Mary Linton is another thing, she does not deserve hate for leaving Arthur to live a better life, she did the smart thing by not marrying and running away with him because who knows what could’ve happened to her. I do not appreciate how she used Arthur’s emotions against him in the game and think that that is why she is a bit of a bad person, but she lived a better life than she ever would have if she was an official member of the gang. she got out before she was ever even in.
I can’t stop you from not liking characters, I’m not the biggest fan of Sadie but I can understand the hardships that all of these women went through.
#rdr2#abigail roberts#abigail marston#molly o’shea#sadie adler#woah#this is really long#anyways feeling analytical or something idk
192 notes
·
View notes
Text
Omg wait guys what if Saiki showed up in his girl form in that one episode where Kuboyasu got a love letter instead of those delinquent guys and Kuboyasu is all like “oh, I’m sorry, but I kind of have feelings for somebody else…” and in that moment when Saiki is reading his mind he finds out that it’s him and he has to restrain himself from having a physical reaction🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
#this is really long#and convoluted#but whatever#i just think this would be a really funny interaction#or a really good#fanfiction idea#;) wink wonk#also i know it doesn’t make sense within tdlosk canon but idc#kubosai#kuboyasu x saiki#saiki k#tdlosk#saiki no psi nan#saiki kusuo#kusuo saiki#aren kuboyasu#kuboyasu aren
72 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Christmas, Harry
A small, pristinely wrapped present resides in the trembling hands of Regulus Black. Though the gift was sure to be torn to shreds in just a few minutes, Regulus can't help but fiddle over the package, his nimble fingers smoothing over the edges repeatedly as if the motion could somehow make the wrapping appear even more perfect.
The faint click of a lock startles Regulus out of his thoughts, his attention now focused on the colorful Christmas wreath hanging on the door in front of him. A few quick clicks later, and the wreath is replaced by a giddy James Potter, leaning against the doorframe and beaming at Regulus like a child at Honeydukes.
“You came.” James giggles before pulling Regulus into a slow kiss. Regulus sighs into the familiarity, but as much as Regulus would love to remain on the doorstep the rest of the night, kissing James’ lips until they froze, he knew James was buzzing with energy for something else entirely.
With some unknown found strength, Regulus pulls away from James, one hand cradling his cheek and the other gripping onto the small present like a lifeline. James’ eyes trail down to the box and he smiles instantly. “For him?”
Regulus nods, his gaze flickering to the house. James nods to the door and raises an eyebrow, a silent question of ready to go in?
No. Regulus was not ready to go in.
He nods regardless.
James pushes the door open with a slight creak, stepping aside to allow Regulus to enter first. Tentatively, Regulus steps through the doorway, and is immediately flooded by a surging wave of warmth. He allows it to seep into his bones and wind its way through his veins, praying to some deity that it makes him appear kinder than he looks.
James closes the door behind them and presses a hand on the small of Regulus’ back, a calming gesture that reassures Regulus was free to move as he pleases.
He curses himself for appearing so obviously timid. This was not the first time Regulus had visited James’ home, in fact, he was over quite frequently. He had absolutely nothing to be afraid of. It was only James.
Well, only James and-
“Hello?”
The first thing Regulus notices about Harry Potter was how much he resembles his father. An untamable mess of hair, circular glasses that are slipping off his nose, and wide doe-like eyes that yearn for knowledge.
Young Harry stands near the kitchen, a half eaten gingerbread man poorly hidden behind his back, and frosting smeared along his cheek. He was a tiny little thing, James mentioned Harry was almost three years old, and yet Regulus could already sense his inclination for mischief.
Merlin, help him.
“Hi.” Regulus greets weakly, waving softly towards the boy.
Clearly curious about Regulus, Harry pads his way to the entrance of the house, his eyes squinting as he takes in Regulus’ figure.
“Who are you?” Harry asks bluntly, skeptical about Regulus’ presence and making it obviously so. Regulus breathes out a laugh.
“Harry!” James playfully scolds as he reaches down to pluck Harry from the ground and into his arms. “This is Regulus, remember? The very lovely man I’ve told you all about.”
Harry’s face twists in confusion, before brightening up with the ding of a memory coming to light. “Oh! Regoolus!”
“That’s right! Re-goo-lus.” James repeats, glancing at Regulus with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes and a contagious smile growing on his face.
Regulus feels his lips tug upward. “It’s very nice to meet you, Harry.” Harry flashes him a toothy grin, leaning his head against his father’s shoulder. Harry’s eyes dart curiously to the gift in his hands, and Regulus does his best to conceal the tremor in them, knowing there is no use in delaying the inevitable.
Feeling nausea crawl its way into his throat, Regulus lifts his hand slowly and presents Harry with the present. “This is for you.”
Harry’s eyes widen with childlike wonder and joy and the sight itself tugs at the core of Regulus’ chest. Harry looks up to James for approval, who nods encouragingly at his son. He takes the gift softly. “Thank you!” Harry grins, before trying to squirm out of James’ arms.
“Hold on, hold on.” James laughs, setting Harry safely on the ground. As soon as his fuzzy socks reach the floor, Harry is off, scurrying towards the living room.
Regulus is left frozen in place, utterly terrified and unsure of what to do next, looking to James desperately for help. James’ smile softens, as he reaches over and cups Regulus’ cheek, leaning in to press a firm kiss on his forehead. Regulus selfishly allows his eyes to flutter shut at the touch. “Hey.” James pulls back, cradling Regulus’ head with both hands. “You’re doing great.” He affirms.
James presses a short kiss to Regulus’ lips, places Regulus’ hand into his own, and gently pulls them both towards the living room.
Harry is seated in the center of a burgundy carpet, the largeness of it emphasizing the smallness of his body. The present lays unopened in front of him, and judging by his wiggling toes and tapping fingers, Harry is beyond eager to open it.
James falls back onto the sofa and drags down Regulus with him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he pulls him close to his side. Regulus is suddenly hyper aware of their position, not wanting Harry to be distraught or confused in any way at their intimacy. But Harry seems to have other priorities at the moment, his eyes never tearing away from the present in his lap.
“Can I please open it now?” Harry begs, eyes still glued to the box. “Pretty please?”
James sighs dramatically, biting back a smile. “Well, since Regulus was the one who gave it to you, I’d say it’s up to him to decide whether or not you can open it.” James turns to Regulus, resting his cheek on the couch. “What do you say, Re-goo-lus?”
Regulus playfully rolls his eyes, but unlike James, he’s unable to hide the smile growing on his face. He looks at Harry, who’s staring back at him with puppy dog eyes. “Go ahead, Harry.”
Harry squeaks in delight, tearing away the wrapping paper with such joy that Regulus can’t find it within himself to be upset in the slightest. Once the wrapping paper is gone, and a small wooden box is all that remains, Harry wastes no time as he removes the lid and reveals its contents.
A small golden snitch lies at the bottom, remaining dormant for all of two seconds before slowly flapping its wings and hovering in front of Harry.
“Snitch!” Harry gasps, his eyes blown wide open as his jaw drops in awe. The next thing Regulus knows, Harry is screeching with joy, clapping his small hands together as he hops in circles around the floating snitch.
“A snitch?” Regulus tears his eyes away from Harry to James, who’s beaming with practically the same amount of excitement as Harry. “You didn’t.” James gapes, watching as the golden snitch slowly flies in circles around the room, little Harry scrambling to catch it.
Regulus laughs, bashfully hiding his smile behind the sleeve of his sweater. “I did.”
James grins devilishly as he pulls Regulus closer by the neckline of his sweater, kissing him hungrily as if buying a present for his son was the most attractive thing James has ever seen.
A piercing shriek breaks the two apart, both Regulus and James springing up in their seats to locate Harry, though it takes less than a second to do so. The boy is only a few feet away, jumping with unabashed glee on the adjacent couch. “I got it!” Harry squeals, bouncing on the cushion. “I got the snitch!”
Sure enough, in the pudgy fingers of little Harry Potter, is the golden snitch Regulus had gifted him.
“Atta boy, Harry!” James cheers, reaching out to scoop Harry into his arms. He curls Harry to his chest, presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek, and sits down beside Regulus once again. “I think,” James turns Harry around in his lap, “that you’re going to be a fine seeker, Haz.”
“Fine?” Regulus chuckles. “Don’t be modest, James. I can already tell he’s going to be amazing.”
“Amazing!” Harry repeats while shimmying off of James’ lap. He settles in between the space between them on the sofa, curling his knees to his chest and leaning against Regulus’ side. “Thank you, Regoolus!”
Regulus takes a shaky breath, trying desperately to blink the sudden income of burning tears out of his eyes. He looks over at James, whose face is full of nothing but adoration and pride, though Regulus can see tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as well.
Regulus wipes his eyes quickly, trying to be discreet, and turns to give his full attention back to Harry. Regulus finds the boy already looking up at him with kind eyes, brighter than the star Regulus is named after. They’re an undoubtable shade of green, full of wonder, innocence, and warmth. Just like his father’s.
As he looks at Harry, and as he feels the comforting presence of the man he loves beside him, in a house warm enough to melt even the coldest of souls, Regulus wonders how on earth he got so lucky.
Regulus runs a hand through Harry’s fluffy hair and smiles.
“Happy Christmas, Harry.”
#jegulus#jegulus dads#regulus black#james potter#marauders#starchaser#harry potter#james x regulus#cute#Christmas#yuh#I know I’m three days late#but idc#this is really long
562 notes
·
View notes
Text
zosan!au but they’re formula 1 drivers.
just imagined, zoro was a gifted child in kart, his talent made money not seen to be the problem, since his career was sponsored by an old man from the same country who helped him take racing to international levels, winning formula 2 and ending up in the toro rosso in the main championship: formula 1.
but sanji? he seems like the typical monegasque guy, with private schools in switzerland and yachts in the summer. he never really loved racing, he had another hidden passion, but pressure from his father made him start karting and when he found himself winning his first european junior competition, he knew there would be no turning back from being a professional driver.
they know each other since they were children, in international competitions, and despite having mutual friends during their pre-teens and adolescence: they don't like each other. zoro entered f1 very early by standards, always very focused, very serious. toro rosso seemed like the perfect place for someone like him, until two years later, after winning the formula regional european championship, sanji was announced as the second driver for the same team.
sanji is charming, sanji is friendly and handsome. It wasn't a surprise to anyone when his popularity went beyond the formula circle and he began to form partnerships with major haute couture brands. and zoro? he hated it, he hated how Sanji treated the sport of his life, he hated how everyone fell for him, and most of all, he hated how he had also fallen for the blond charms.
so after two years of being in the same team, and after a drunken celebration he finally has the courage to take action, the two end up hooking up in a bathroom at some random millionaire's party.
and zoro feels like he's on a cloud for the next 8 months, never really having a conversation about what the two of them were doing but he's happy, that's what mattered.
until the day he wakes up to the news that sanji vinsmoke was signing with mercedes for the next season. he feels betrayed, even though he can't say anything because after all, they don't have anything serious, right? he also feels angry because at the same moment he was considering spending another year at toro rosso just to continue with this thing that he has (or had) with the blonde
#this is really long#it is cliche the mercedes and the (prob zoro will gonna sign) red bull thing?#if you know you know#im just really high rn#I have this idea for ages by now#yeah sanji is monegasque not french idc#im really thinking of writing a long fanfic like this#yeah it’s tororosso not alpha tauri ou whatever#zosan#sanji#zoro#zosan fanfic#sanji fanfic#zoro fanfic#zoro x sanji
66 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello I would like your opinion and all possible spoilers for will nico book pls I don’t want to read it but I wanna catch up 🙏
hello anon! prepare yourself for my unadulterated, raw opinion and be warned: it’s not pretty.
BIG SPOILERS AND HARSH HARSH NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT please don’t read if you don’t enjoy hating and being mean let yourself have fun if you liked the book <33
So.
Let’s start with this: I had the BEST INTENTIONS about this book. Yeah, I bullied the preview like anyone else, but I had really been intrigued by Nico’s dream sequence and I do love, despite everything I say, Solangelo. Nico has been one of my favourite characters for my entire life and I have wanted a book about him ever since I was 12.
You see how much was at stake for me to enjoy this book?
And I didn’t.
I didn’t, because this book SUCKS.
First of all 1) This shit was boring. Like, I’m sorry. Believe me, it breaks my heart to say something like that because Nico?? BORING??
But yeah. I dare anyone to tell me something actually meaningful that happens in the first half of the book. Will getting coffee on his shirt? The Percabeth pep talk? (And I’m quoting). The infinite, repetitive dream sequences that did nothing for me because they were, you know, infinite and repetitive?
There was also constant reiteration of things that had already happened in previous books, both in the form of dreams and flashbacks, both because the authors never let anything be implied or understood by the reader on their own. Every single thought and feeling and past experience of Nico is shouted at us ad nauseam because god forbid we forget loneliness is part of him and he could never be loved and his sister died and and and.
It’s almost like Mark and Rick browsed the online pjo fandom, took a look at all the things we like about Nico and said “hey, what if we constantly make him think and say exactly those things with an off-putting self awareness and a dramatic tone? I’m sure people will love that!”
I finally thought we were going somewhere with them getting caught stealing by Persephone (yeah that happens) but it transformed into yet another tirade about love and friendship and how important they are. Which brings me to the second point.
2) Someone put tape in the mouth of every single character in this book. I’m so serious.
How many endless, therapy-talk, this-is-an-adult-speaking-not-a-weird-teenager conversations did we get? I don’t know. A million?
I’m reading a fantasy book. Do I need to be reminded about the importance of healthy boundaries and communication every time I turn the page?
I know, I know. The book is for kids and kids need to learn that friendship is magic and whatever.
But, yk, PJO and HoO and ToA are for kids too and while they have their flaws, I never felt like they were giving me a lecture.
This book was downright insufferable. I didn’t have pure, unadulterated fun for a single moment and it wasn’t because I had outgrown the target, which would have been a much more understandable reason, but because it was so slow and didactic and moralistic and lacked any humor except a couple of forced meta jokes. It was fucking sad.
And that serves me point 3 right on a silver platter.
3) Will and Nico have 0 chemistry and I wanted to beat the shit out of them
Seriously when did these two start hating each other. When did they start giving “why are we together” energy. I don’t get it. What happened.
They were so great in the Tower of Nero. They were fun, and colourful, and dynamic, and different, and teenagers, but also you could see that they were two people going through a lot. It didn’t feel as if Nico’s trauma was cheapened just because he occasionally enjoyed spending time with his boyfriend.
In this book… I mean, we get told they are in love. We get told approximately a million of times.
But what we are shown is two people constantly on the brink of beating each other with sticks. We didn’t get one big explosive stress fight, or the resurfacing of a couple of buried issues, as I expected. What we got was an exhausting death by a thousand cuts where Nico was angry at Will for breathing (seriously, count how many times the words annoyed or irritated are said about Nico in regards to his boyfriend) and Will apparently doesn’t understand Nico at all after a year of dating.
Basically, Nico is constantly mad at Will because Will doesn’t like the Underworld and never fails to make it known, while the Underworld is Nico’s home, and that could have been a kind of potentially interesting point of conflict if it hadn’t become draining at page 20. Was it realistic? I mean, I guess!! But that doesn’t mean I wanted to see that shit the entire time.
This was an urban fantasy book for middle schoolers!!! I wanted to have fun!! I didn’t have fun!!!
How could anyone ever have fun with a 400 page long account of two idiot teenagers getting on each other’s nerve with the occasional therapy communication-kiss-therapy communication-kiss interlude? NOT ME.
If that’s you, good for you, truly. But how is this Percy Jackson? Percy Jackson built an empire on being funny and cheeky in an effortless way and ToA followed suit, no matter what personal gripe one may have against the series. HoO is a bit of a wild card, but it was never close to being this flat and depressing. Not. Even. Close.
And as if two protagonists who I used to love being a giant pain in my ass wasn’t enough, the meager plot one can occasionally find between a dream sequence and a flashback and a stupid argument and a conversation about how humanity is love or whatever isn’t even compelling or engaging.
4) And are the interesting new characters in the room with us, Rick?
The only bad guy of the book is Nyx. Nyx is bad because she’s Darkness. She was born Bad and will die Bad and she’s Baddy McBad.
But don’t worry if the villain underwhelms you, because we will meet new interesting characters too!
… yeah, no.
We won’t.
Again. This is a kids’ book.
But. Have we forgotten Percy Jackson is for middle to high schoolers? Like, I know of people enjoying it well into their 20s because it’s nice fun. When did it become for 2 year olds?
Let’s leave aside the fact that Nyx’s motive makes little sense (no worries anon, we will be talking about this later) because there’s no way she cares this much about Nico Di Angelo. Not even I care this much about Nico Di Angelo and he’s been my entire personality ever since I was eleven. Be fucking for real. You’re not that guy, pal.
Any other character who’s not Nyx that is shown is sweet and kind and is changing and is in love and has been to therapy and loves other people. I could have vaguely accepted this (honestly, ToA often worked on a very similar premise), if it hadn’t meant making every single person or monster or whatever Will and Nico meet painfully boring. Literally fucking blank states.
I spent the whole book begging for Apollo to show up just so that someone could admit to drowning his ex in a bathtub and make a sex joke immediately after, because no one else was doing anything remotely cool whatsoever.
Even Persephone and Hades became Disney characters and wistfully raved about the power of love. What. The. Fuck.
It’s so wrong because ToA did the whole “love is everywhere, humans (and creatures) are cool” thing so much better while its characters still managed to have a personality, or were at the very least funny, and some were even villains.
This was all so blah.
Okay, now. Prepare yourself anon. Get a seat. Get a drink.
5) The finale.
Super short summary: Nyx wants Nico Di Angelo to live in Tartarus with her because Nico is special and unique and no one is like him. She makes babies out of his worst nightmares and traumas (because she can… do that, I guess?) and tries to guilt him into staying.
Yeah I know that this is weird as fuck but stay with me.
Nico Di Angelo is special and unique and has the power of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on his side, so he tells her to fuck off AND keeps the trauma babies, without any sacrifice required at all. If you’re asking yourself what role Will has in this, it’s zero. Zilch. He was literally useless for the actual plot, but we’ll get to that later.
After escaping Tartarus with Bob, Small Bob, Will and trauma babies, Nico finds out this entire thing has been plotted by Hades, who faked a whole prophecy to send his own son back to Tartarus and save Bob, because he knew Nico could do it and he loves Bob or whatever. Hades also hugs Nico and tells him he’s proud of him because he’s special and unique, and for some incomprehensible reason that I’m still attempting to concoct Nico doesn’t kick his ass for it.
He re-traumatised Nico just to get Bob out of Tartarus (because his voice was bothering him or whatever) but… I guess that’s okayyy?
I’m not going to comment any further on Nyx and trauma babies because frankly it’s just plain weird. Like I don’t even know what to say, except that it seems kind of far-fetched for a primordial goddess to do all that for Some Guy. I do have something to say against the Some Guy, though.
6) Someone sucker punch Nico, please.
Never have I ever seen a character act like such a dumb asshole for the entire run of a book while somehow being worshipped for being the Best Person Ever.
You know what was great about Nico? The fact that the books weren’t constantly yelling at you that HE IS GOOD HE IS GOOD HE IS GOOD HE IS GOOD LOOK AT HIM BEING GOOD DOING A THANKLESS JOB BECAUSE HE’S GOOD. You just kinda had to put 2 and 2 together. He acted like he wanted nobody and cared for nobody but we, the readers, called bullshit because everything he did went against that narrative. And when he was outed in HoH, we all said “oooooh”. Him loving Percy made so much more sense than him hating Percy, because his actions spoke louder than his words.
He was a kid, and he was going through it, but he was never completely won over by the bad side because he cared too much about people, even when they didn’t care about him. To quote myself, Nico has never won the idgaf war.
Well, in this book he won the idgaf war. He treated Will like shit, which we’ll attribute to nerves. His thoughts about dead people desperately looking for redemption or release were disturbingly unsympathetic, and he just did things without ever thinking of the consequences for others.
To be fair, this wasn’t a total 180 for him: Nico was previously shown to be touchy and defensive (hence the being mean to Will, who occasionally makes the grave mistake of expressing a thought that isn’t overwhelmingly positive on the literal worst place on the planet), cold (him killing Bryce and Octavian etc) and impulsive. Character flaws, we love them!!
Except that the final moral of the book is that Nico is The Best Person Ever Who Never Asked For Anything In Return For His Whole Complete Goodness And Now Gets An Army Of Little Trauma Babies Who Worship Him.
Ummm… Nico canonically commited murder? Hello?
Sure, he was never Bad, and Love Was In His Heart and all, but the entire point of his character arc was deciding that love was enough. Nico has, again and again, flirted with the bad guys, and been sketchy. He’s not PJO’s Jesus, and this last minute treatment of him was so weird.
We all wanted Nico to have a Win™️ , but it could have been anything less on the nose (NICO IS SO GREAT GUYS OMG) and it still would have been fine.
Also just… idk there’s something that rubs me the wrong way about pretending that pre-tsats Nico was trauma trauma trauma pain pain pain. Life is complex. Nico was a character that happened to go through things, not a character that things happened to with nothing else going for him.
What about Will, though? Well…
7) Will, get behind me.
Is he dumb? Yes.
Does he understand Nico perfectly? No.
Do I like him? The jury is out.
But he did not deserve this slander. Like, omg. He spent the book getting bullied and being useless in battles because he’s not a fighter and Tartarus makes Apollo’s kids weak (wow who would have thought!).
Nico made him cry, for fucks’ sake. A full on sob cry. Admittedly he had acted foolishly but damn.
He’s just a silly little guy, your honor😭
He also, inexplicably, didn’t expeditiously call his father or his mother or the firefighters or someone to kidnap Hades and flog him, despite the fact that Hades tortured his boyfriend for months and sent them both to Tartarus on a fake prophecy.
On a bright note, his pov was actually pretty okay.
So yeah, anon. This book is a pile of genuinely weird, kinda mean spirited and annoyingly moralistic garbage that created PJO Jesus, gave said PJO Jesus babies (?) shoved a couple of gay jokes in the middle of it as if I wouldn’t notice the rest, unwatered my crops, uncleared my skin, single-handedly managed to kill my PJO fixation that has been going on since middle school in six hours and kicked my dog on top of it.
Thanks for reading.
132 notes
·
View notes
Text
kats initial ttpd thoughts
fortnight:
stand out lines: i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary
i like this one. i don’t think it’s my favorite (or i hope it won’t be) but i think the production does do it for me. i was honestly hoping that “i love you it’s ruining my life” would have been in a… better (?) song. this will undoubtedly grow on me but not a great start.
ttpd:
standout lyric: “i’ve seen this episode and still loved the show”
okay “who uses typewriters anyways” is objectively a really funny line. “i’ve seen this episode and still loved the show” im screaming crying and throwing up how dare you put that lyric in a song i have to listen to.
on a different note who tf are dylan thomas and patti smith? am i meant to know these people?
oh my god. the way charlie puth is about to have his career explode. this poor man. i hope he was warned.
CYCLONE!! CONEY ISLAND!!!
oh i like this bridge. also lucy as in lucy dacus?
i’m trying not to be a hater but taylor “now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon” couldn’t have come up with a more poetic way to say you put my ring on the finger where people put wedding rings? fr? is this about marty healy? i hope to god it’s not.
mbobhft:
stand out lyrics: “once i fix me he’s gonna miss me” and “there was forever in the heat of my touch, he say forever so he smashed it up”
i was ready to not like this one but im kinda into it. the line “i’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me” is… not something i am ready to unpack. this is a really good song and i will probs have it on repeat for a while but i stg if i don’t hear a song about joe soon im gonna be pissed
down bad:
standout lyric: jury’s still out
this song was not written by a 33 year old. jesus christ. taylor please. STAND UP. THIS IS BAD FOR THE BRAND!! however as a 19 year old: real af.
you loved his indecent exposures? interesting.
this is once again giving situationship. which is insane because JOE WAS HERE FOR 6 YEARS?!? WE DONT GET TO HEAR ABOUT THAT?!? i mean like she is entitled to her privacy but never in my life did i want to hear this much about marty healy
so long london:
stand out lyric: “i didn’t opt in to be your odd man out. i founded the club she’s heard great things about” “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”
not the production i was expecting from a track 5 but ill keep and open mind.
fairy lights mentioned!! ttpd bingo moment
i like this bridge tbh. it kinda fucks. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues” taylor wtf?
two graves one gun?!? oh wow! very melodramatic and i love it
this song is good. very sad so great job! killed it! i’m not crying yet tho
but daddy i love him:
stand out lyrics: Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all
HEYY RELIGOUS TRAUMA VIBES?!? FUCK YEAH!! FINALLY SOME GOOD RELATEBLE CONTENT!!
this is so champagne problems vibes
“im having his baby! no im not but you should see your face” BAHHAHA taylor wtf
i was hoping for more religious trauma energy than what i got. i had high hopes with that first verse
OMG WHAT?!? MAAM?!? “ID RATHER BURN MY WHOLE LIFE DOWN THAN LISTEN TO ONE MORE SECOND OF ALL THIS BITCHIN AND MOANIN” GIRLY YOUR “BABY” IS ANTISEMEIC?
okay this song is now just funny to me. deeply i would’ve kept this one in the vault but it’ll grow on me
fresh out the slammer:
stand out lyric: n/a
we are starting with the lowest of standards for the record. i do not have a good vibe from this song
its fine. liek it’s not revolutionary to me. like its okay but… why does this beat change like that and did the long prison metaphor help? i think not.
however yeah bring up that he didn’t propose again. love that for you
florida!!!
stand out lyric: well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time
!! what!! “they said i was a cheat so i guess i must be” ARENT YOU THE ONE WHO WRITE IVY AND HIGH INFEDELITY?!? WHAT?!? i am giggling so hard. taylor what are you saying?!?
this song reminded how much i love florence! i mean that woman can really sing
nbnc reference! that was not on my bingo card!
texas mentioned!! slay!!
i love this song. like i fr really like this one. the drums are a bit much but i love how their voices work together! delicious
guilty as sin?
standout lyric: “there no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk” “i keep recalling things we never did”
i like how this one sounds
this song is really good! and bestie i get it! yikes!
this song is really for the girlies who make up fake scenarios to hurt their own feelings and i feel seen
false god references(?)
well terrible job everyone that was a bit too relatable! thanks! i’m going to throw up! or scream! or cry!
who’s afraid of little old me?
standout lyric: “you don’t get to tell me about sad” “is it a wonder i broke let’s hear one more joke” “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me”
yay!! she’s doing witchcraft again!! thank god!! levitate queen!!
you should be afraid of little old me was not what i was expecting from this song! but i like it! also i am enjoying this production
“so tell me everything isnt about me but what if it is?” HAHAHH TAYLOR WHAT IS THIS?!?
no taylro they say that you’ll sue them they prublish public information about your plane! so close tho!
jokes aside i like this! this one’s gonna be in my tops i think! it reminds me of tlgad which is one love
i can fix him (no really i can)
standout lyric: “he had a halo of the highest grade, he just hasn’t met me yet”
texas mentioned again!! a win is a win
another song about matty healy?!? must we?!? are we sure? this is proof that any relationship pain is overshadowed by a 3 month situationship
loml: “better safe than starry eyed”
mmm im liking this one!
damn marriage is brought up a lot in the album for someone who wrote lavendar haze
i like that there is the love of my life to loss of my life switch! i was worried she abrievated that for no reason
still alive, killing time at the cemetery is a great line!!
!!! oh!! i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all! i didn’t think i would like that lyric!! i in fact do.
icdiwabh:
standout lyric: “babe you gotta fake it till you make it and you did”
THIS SONG IS SO GOOD!! OH SHIT
okay now this is my shit. i like how she’s taking about her success and shit
i cry a lot but i am so productive it’s an art is so real
“try and come for my job” yikes.
the smallest man who every lived
standout lyric: “i would’ve died for your sins but i died inside”
this one isn’t doing it for me so far. i’m sure it’ll grow on me but idk it’s not killing it for me.
DID SHE JUST CALL HIS DICK SMALL?!? HELLO?!? good lord i hope that’s what that meant
“you kicked out the stage lights but your still preforming?!?” GOOD LORD TAYLOR! it’s so jover
The alchemy:
standout lyric: “he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an E”
i had to listen to this song twice cause i could just not lay attention
AYO ITS TRAVIS!! god the next album is gonna have so many football metaphors that i will not understand
this is really cute! i’m on team trayvis
clara bow:
standout lyric: promise to be dazzling
cool! now i’m sad!
as a girl who tries to be something exciting but feels like she never gets there this is very yikes! greta job gang
DID SHE JUST SAY HER OWN NAME?!? SHE NEVER DONE THAT
OH MY GOD
YOUVE GOT EDGE SHE NEVER DID
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
the black dog:
standout lyric:
i am scared!
oh shit! who cheated on taylor?!?
oh wait. maybe that’s not true
i love old habits die screaming! tahts a funky line. i know we already had it but im a fan
!! hoax reference!!
!!daylight reference!!
oh joe. that poor man. they’re gonna kill him.
this is putting a sad spin on some of my fav songs so that’s cool
imgonnagetyouback:
standout lyric: “pick your poison babe, i’m poison either way”
did we need to do this in one word
OH MY GOD
SHE MAKING THE SAME THING AS GET HIM BACK BY OLIVIA RODRGIO
now i personally would’ve rewritten this one or picked a different song but this is a choice
this is a worse versions of get him back! imo
eras fading to gray is a crazy line!
the albatross:
standout lyric: “the devil you know now looks more like and angel”
this is kinda giving cowboy like me vibes but with more unnecessary vocal effects but that does in fact mean that i like it
peace reference?!
idk im into this one i think
chloe or sam or sophia or marcus:
standout lyric: all of them <3
my god this is a long title
oh my god. did she just out joe alywn? what? that can’t be what just happened
“you needed me but you needed drugs more” IM THROWING UP HOW DARE YOU
nobody touch me
“if you want to break my cold cold heart, just say i loved you. the way that you were” okay so now i am crying! hey! tahts cool! in other news put me on watch
this is one of my tops
you can tell cause i’m depressed now
maroon reference!!
okay so i will never recover congrats everyone!
how did it end?
standout lyric: “we learned the right steps to different dances”
i feel invasive listening to this. i didn’t want to hear about matty anymore but this is a lot.
this song is good but sweet lord. this is really sad. which i should’ve guessed but this is not what i was expecting
“D-Y-I-N-G” that was not how i thought that line was gonna end
so high school:
standout lyric: idk man they’re all cute
is this another one about travis?!? yay!!
awww she want to marry him! that’s so exciting!! and also maybe kill him but we do what we can
this is really cute
i’m glad she got this back! cause this is giving very fearless vibes which is perfect! i love that! i love that she’s having the sweet love again! and i’m so glad im not listening about matty! cause that man if the gift that won’t stop giving. no matter what i do. he just won’t.
i hate it here:
standout lyric: “No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears” “when they found a better planet only the gentle survive”
second time bringing up being a precocious child! not something i thought we would get twice!
this song feels like it’s right off folklore
GIRL WHAT!?! “I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid” this is why no one wanted to play with you as a little kid
oh yikes now i’m relating
“i get lost on purpose. this place made me feel worthless” crying in the club once again
she really had to fight not to call him a finance bro
thank you aimee
stand out lyric: “Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman but she used to say she wished that you were dead”
go to jail just for the capitalization
i feel like im missing something
is amiee real? is she a metaphor? is it someone from the rep era? i’m lost
if this is 15 year old beef that is amazing.
“there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you” oh lol that’s so funny.
thank god taylor changed the name! cause otherwise they would kill her!
“and one day your kid comes home singing a song that only us two is gonna know so about you” oh that’s so good. you see i like taylor better when she’s being petty over decade old shit. it makes her more relatable
i look in peoples windows
stand out lyric: “i’m afflicted by the not knowing” “im addicted to the if only”
i love this.
is this the new shortest song in her discography? it’s gotta be. it’s like 2 minutes long
anyways. relatable. killin it
the prophecy:
stand out lyric: “Don't want money just someone who wants my company”
finally a song i can relate to! you know cause im psychic?
“I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope a greater woman wouldn't beg” yikes
oh no. i’m gonna cry. you see now im reminded of why i feel like im never enough. so cool 🤙
witchcraft again!! yay!!
what is gray-ge? gray/beige? was that already a word?
cassandra:
standout lyric: “what does kill you makes you aware. what happens if it becomes who you are”
bffr taylor does not patch cracks in her house
sorry i know tahts a metaphor, allow me to start by being less of a hater
oh i love a call back to the 2016 era. yikes
“BLOODS THICK BUT NOTHING LIKE A PAYROLL” HOLY FUCK WHAT?!?
“when its burn the bitch they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out they’re quiet” lol relatable
peter:
standout lyric: “we both did the best we could do underneath the name moon in different galaxies”
who is peter? very excting!
oh it’s peter pan! that’s cute!
is this about joe? i’m confused? i have no idea who this is about
i liek the piano! i like this more stripped back version
great bridge!
“cause love's never lost when perspective is earned” HEY BRO WHAT
the bolter: “she was leaving it felt like breathing”
standout lyric:
omg hey she wrote a song about me! jk it just started idk what this is
oh no
i cant do this right now
okay so no comment but yeah very relatable! cool! (except i’m not really a bolter now that i think about it. i just think i am. i’m actually not a quitter. im a stick with it person even when maybe i should bolt.)
robin:
stand out lyric: “you have no room in your head for regrets”
i like these a lot better than the first part of this album. i actually can’t tell if it’s a double release or not but i just like these more emotional songs more.
is she singing to her child self?!? is that what happening?!?
crying again.
the manuscript:
stand out lyric: looking backward might be the only way to move forward
my god this is a lot of songs! not complaining but i’m tired
okay i like the piano
“He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon they’d be pushing strollers” FUCKING HELLo?!? well now i’m in pain slay
this was not what i was expecting at all but let it be known i am crying and im not okay
this song really fucked me up guys
#this is really long#i’m warning you before you open it#honestly idk if you should read this#i’ll make content about it when i wake up#taylor swift#ts ttpd#the tortured poets department#ttpd#ttpd reactions#taylor swift ttpd#ttpd era#kat talks
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
I agree!! aftermaths are ALWAYS my favourite to read during forced pregnancy stories and I actually hate when it ends with the yandere impregnating darling like how do u know if she truly got pregnant? where’s the horror in finding out you’re carrying your rapist’s child(ren)? how does reader deal with that? how does the yandere react to that? (I’m sure he knows but finding out the news from you yourself would surely elicit different emotions) how does he react when you say you wanna get rid of it? how do they both cope as parents? sooo many possibilities!! I’m glad to know the story I requested will not end with epel just impregnating darling!! thank you sm for that <3
also seeing as how both you and the other anon rank epel low I hope to see he be ranked higher in the future >:3
- epel felmier anon 🍎💜
ALL the freaking possibilities! The machinations of the yandere's mind when the baby-trapping (consensual or not) isn't received well is bound to be endlessly fascinating. Idk, stories work well sometimes if you let the reader imagine the hopelessness of a situation, but they work even better if you showcase it.
I'm putting the other stuff under a cut because I'm about to go on a bit of a tangent. Also, I have not read book seven yet, if anyone spoils it, I will temporarily block you until after I have read it.
I ranked Epel a C the first time because I didn't know anything about him at the time, almost every character save for the ones I really loved the designs for were lower than I would put them today, and frankly some were higher. I've done another tier list, this is not the old one. I have a pretty high opinion of most of the characters regardless of their ranking, here's the maker I used.
Okay, so, I feel the need to specifically explain Crewel: I don't like being treated like a dog. Pet play is not my thing, and I do not understand the hype surrounding him whatsoever. Why would I want to hang out with someone who probably smells like a really strong, expensive cologne and refuses to call me anything other than "good boy"? No thanks, y'all can have him. Crowley is self-explanatory.
Riddle, Silver, and Lucius all have their good qualities, I will admit. But I'm the type of person who would avoid both of the people for varying reasons (Riddle is annoying, I don't like being bothered when I'm minding my own fucking business because I'm "breaking the rules" and I don't want to wake up Silver and I don't know enough about him,) and I would get irrationally mad at Lucius for always getting into fights with Grim.
C tier is somewhat similar to D for me. I'd very likely not go out of my way to interact with these guys, but they're either more approachable or less irritating than D tier. I'm sure you can see a trend with at least two of them, but most of these mfs are too high energy or too intense. Sebek is here because while I don't like petplay, I do like degradation and I think he would be excellent at that, given his usual temperament and opinion on humans. Deuce is there because I find him to be a very one-note character. Everyone in this game is well-written, but not everyone can be interesting. Trein is here because I know I'd be constantly getting in trouble in his class for drawing instead of paying attention. By the way, when did people who were 50 become old? Idk I consider old to be like 70+ but maybe that's just because of the people I grew up around.
B tier is characters that I am aware I am sleeping on, with the bonus of Vargas, who I actually like quite a bit. Not enough to put him in higher than B tier, though. Ortho and Idia are sort of a package deal, but I do like Ortho less than I like Idia. Azul pisses me off but I am a sucker for a pathetic man.
EPEL!!! THE ONE WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!! Epel is like Deuce, if Deuce had more of a twisted view of himself. Reading though his little dilemma in book 5 didn't make me sympathize, but it did endear him to me. I can understand getting upset because you are literally unable to express yourself in a way that you would like because of reasons outside of your control. Beyond that, I love it when characters have a secret rough side (sorry Deuce.) Two-faced characters are my favorite thing.
A tier is characters I would like to put in S but I am too scared of them to do so. While C and lower are characters I would avoid because they're annoying, A tier is literally just characters I would avoid because they're freaky. I think people forget that the first interaction we have with Leona is him threatening to beat the shit out of us because we accidentally tripped on his tail. While Trey is sweet, he's the absolute definition of a two-faced character and he's way too observant to be comfortable around. Idk, maybe that makes him boyfriend material. I feel like anyone who has been on this blog at this point already understands my viewpoint of Jade, Floyd, and Rook. They scare the mess out of me and I love them for that.
With S tier, I'm actually going to specify a couple things: Sam is up there because I know I'd constantly be in his shop, buying things with thaumarks I should save just because I know his shop would smell like home. I feel like where a lot of people see Sam and think "this man can FUCK," I see Sam and think "big brother material." The sibling that I am closest to is literally just barely a year younger than Sam. Also, to clarify, I'm Black with family from the south. Grim is also sibling material. He's like a little brother, and I love him for that even though he pisses me off.
Now back to the WHORE KNEE. I very desperately want to bring my personal Vil series to this blog. I think maybe someone else would enjoy it, because what's more lovely than a man who sees what he wants in a person that isn't what he wants but forces to be what he wants anyway? I love that shit. Lilia is prime fodder for coercion fics, and I'd love to see more of those because he's very wise (because he's old as hell) and he's had a lot of practice at being a sweet talker. I think with a gullible reader?? Oh my god??? I'm not shy about my opinion on Malleus, Jamil, and Idia, and I think I talk about Idia a bit too much. Jamil stole my heart from the minute he was all sweet and kind in book 4 because he is so obviously two-faced that only the overly trusting would fall for that. Also, Jafar was something of an awakening for me. Who cares about Aladdin? I want the old man. As for Malleus, I like that he fills out the gap moe trope, but not overly so. He absolutely strikes me as the type to assume he knows best for both parties involved, and if he doesn't assume, he decides for you.
Anyway, knowing me, this list will have switched all over the place in a month's time. Thanks for reading my garbled nonsense.
#twisted wonderland#tw: dark content#tw: dark themes#tw: yandere#twst#the blot talks!#the blot gets personal???#the blot rants!#anon asks#anon answered#thank you for sending an ask!!#disney twst#yandere#this is really long#i'm so sorry
15 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m not sure if you’ve talked about this before, but in preparation for her second trial I wanted to ask you what you think of Mahiru’s behavior in her first voice drama. The entire thing is extremely uncomfortable to me, but I might be viewing it from a biased lens. I’m just not really sure what point is trying to be made with her character, if you add her flirting with a fifteen year old into the mix…?
Sorry, this response is so late I've been out of town until yesterday morning and spent most of yesterday unconscious. While, I can understand some people’s discomfort when it comes to Mahiru’s behavior during her first voice drama… I can’t help but feel like it’s the same as harping on the use of fang in Triage. Where yes, her behavior can have negative connotations, but every other connotation is being conveniently ignored. “To extract that fang now.” Like oh Kotoko is in so much trouble the person with the brass knuckles and police baton is going to be taken out by the doctor who ultimately admitted that if he’s put under even an inkling of the mental stress or restraint the other guilty voted prisoners are under he won’t be able to help anybody not even himself.
That is wild to me. This man came into the interrogation room and admitted on tape that he is a bitch, and he would not live through what the Guilty voted prisoners had to. The only thing stopping him from getting the death he wants being other people don’t want to die. Then folks really came out like what if he hurts Kotoko she’s in so much danger if he’s innocent. Kotoko might jump his ass even if he is innocent let’s be real this is not about her and it never should be. Like wild…
Especially when like the literal second step to taking care of wounds caused by animals is removing any hair or teeth from the impacted area. You don’t dress the cut while the knife is still in you don’t put gauze over someone’s scrapped up hands with the thorns still in it. So, this line is far less threatening when you know that.
Just like Mahiru’s behavior in her first interrogation begins to make a lot more sense the more about attachment you know.
So, first… Let’s talk about secure and unhealthy attachment. Now I expect everyone in the Milgram fanbase to know a little about attachment theory. Predominantly about anxious attachment given how popular it has become to discuss that form of attachment in recent years and with how anxiety has been more widely accepted as an issue many people face. So, nervous habits like Haruka’s are easier for individuals to sympathize with while on the other hand the unhealthy form of attachment Mahiru displays can go easily overlooked or not be viewed as an attachment issue at all.
Even if she recognizes it is and warns people about it accordingly. “I’m going to start relying on you if you’re kind to me, so please forgive me, thanks!”
Attachment styles are usually looked at through a lens of consideration for children.
However, it’s been extended to adults as well and there are four attachment styles that adults can exhibit. Those being Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized.
“Individuals with anxious attachments are easily triggered and struggle to cope with their triggers (Johnson & Whiffen, 1999). Anxious attachment increases an individual’s need for closeness and also increases fears about the relationship and being rejected. Those who are more anxiously attached are more aware of their emotions but difficulties identifying and managing their emotions (Stevens, 2014). Avoidant attachment typically is associated with an avoidance of interpersonal closeness, a discomfort with emotional disclosure, and a desire for relational independence (Bartholomew, 1990; Mikulincer, Shaver & Pereg, 2003). Individuals with avoidant attachment typically mask their emotions and are less aware of their emotional state and are less reactive to their emotions, both positive and negative (johnson & Whiffen, 1999; Stevens, 2014).
Disorganized attachment is characterized by experiences of intense emotions and difficulty tracking one’s self and others (Beeney et al., 2017). Individuals with disorganized attachment struggle to engage in a predictable way because internal conflict experienced because of simultaneous fear of attachment figures and need for attachment figures (Rholes, Paetzolf, & Kohn, 2016).”
Mahiru’s attachment style and to an extent Mikoto’s mirror that of disorganized attachment. Where an individual is simultaneously afraid of having close relationships and stressed about not having any relationships. To really boil the problem down. It’s that feeling of don’t help me out because then I’ll believe you’ll be there for me but eventually you won’t be either because I’m too much or you’re too little but it’d be good to have someone to rely on to so…I hope you’re nice to me just a little bit. That stress of actually yes but no but maybe but no.
Unlike the signs of anxious attachment Haruka shows which is pretty much the opposite as he goes,
“I shouldn’t get too involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they may misunderstand. It’s no good.”,
“You shouldn’t be too close to me bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I’m naturally good at. The more you know about me, I’m sure I’ll bring misfortune onto you as well prison guard.”/ “You, everyone, if you all knew me… If you knew everything I did…I’m gonna be abandoned, that’s bound to happen.”
There’s a stark difference between I’m warning you not to get close because I’m afraid of being abandoned and that encompassing fear of I’m afraid of both the positive and negative aspects that come along with being close to anyone. Because if you’re afraid of both and it’s impossible to avoid having either at that point you’ll just do whatever and hope things don’t get serious. This sort of person can’t push people away to avoid being abandoned because then they’ll feel isolated and seeking to stop that isolation may led to them being to close to someone causing their fear of being abandoned to spike. So, they try to stay in the middle either by building up social barriers between them and others or just flat out warning people like if you’re nice I may rely on you.
It's a form of unhealthy attachment that’s difficult to deal with/recognize because people with this issue don’t inherently seem like they have issues socializing with others when it comes to everyday situations. Most attachment styles form in childhood but people with secure attachment can undergo trauma later in life and develop disorganized or anxious attachment styles. Now Mahiru’s home life seems to have been fine from what we’ve been given so far.
However, her romantic relationship seems to have been problematic for both parties, with the focus on cheating and the implied length of the relationship along with how it ended with Mahiru considering herself a murderer to the point that unlike some who try to deny it or justify their choice she just goes, “Kill someone… I guess I did… I can’t really deny it, can I?”
Yet, the notion that Mahiru was flirting with Es kind of overlooks that as soon as Es gives their name and age Mahiru says,
“Fifteen years old and a prison guard! Really, at that age? Despite being so young, you’re so admirable! If anything’s troubling you can talk it over with big sis, okay?”
Mahiru becomes informed of Es’ age at the start of the interrogation and immediately takes on a big sister role all on her own. Mahriu recognizes Es’ annoyance at her turning the questions on him but keeps asking questions as soon as she thinks of them.
I wouldn’t really call that flirting I’d call it being a talkative airhead if anything. Something Mahiru is shown to be through her interactions in the timeline.
20/05/30
Mahiru: Hey, Kotoko-chan. There’s something that’s really been bugging me, so do you mind if I ask? ……how do you style yourself so well? Have you always dressed like that? Though, it also looks like something you’d wear for training. Do you play sports? Ah, or maybe some kind of martial arts?
Kotoko: ……you really are carefree. Everyone in here is a “murderer” right? Is this really the time to be asking questions like that?
Mahiru: Hmm, I guess so. That’s what they said. But nobody here seems particularly scary or anything, right? If I had to pick someone, then maybe you’re the scariest! Ah, wait, do you like yoga or something?
Kotoko: ……I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or if you’re just an airhead.
20/06/08
Mahiru: Shidou-san…… you’re really good-looking. Personally, I think you’d be better if you ate a bit more, but you’re slim and tall, and well put together to boot…… You must’ve been super popular up until now, right?
Shidou: ……yeah, that’s true…… I did my share of fooling around in the past.
Mahiru: Oh~? That’s not the sort of answer I’d expect from you. I’ve got it! Somebody told you that if you replied like that people wouldn’t resent you so much, right?
Shidou: Haha, I’m surprised you guessed. ……it seems that no matter what guise I put on, it’s meaningless against a woman’s insight.
20/06/10
Futa: Hey, why are you acting so carefree all the time? You’re the oldest of the girls here, you should act it and deal with the others properly.
Mahiru: Eh~? I’m acting carefree~? But maybe you’re right. I mean, I…… ah, let’s make this a quiz.
Hey, Futa-kun. What do you think I like doing? Tick, tick, tick, tick……
Futa: Ahh, what even is this mood you’ve started. It’s annoying. Just tell me the answer already.
Mahiru: Bzzt! Time’s up! The correct answer is “travelling” and “exciting things”~ You don’t get many chances at a lifestyle as exciting as this, right? So, of course I’m going to be a bit carefree, ufufu~
20/06/19
Kazui: By the way…… thanks, Shina-chan. You keep going around and talking to people to make sure the mood never gets too sour, right? It’s a big help. We’re all in here together, after all. If a fight broke out the whole group could fall apart.
Mahiru: ……eh? Huh~? Ah, no, I’m just talking to people because I personally want to talk. All the kids are so cute, so I can’t help but want to fuss over them! A fight, huh… But if that ever happened, then you’ll definitely be a big help, right~? Since you’re so big! And buff!
Kazui: Ahh, no. I mean, I’ll do what I can. Based on appearance, as long as nobody has a weapon, I think I can probably get everyone under control…… No, we should just hope that nothing like that ever happens.
Mahiru: You know, I quite like watching martial arts, actually. I don’t really get it, but it looks super cool. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
The timeline is full of examples of Mahiru just being like this. Even if she tells Kazui she’s just going around and talking to the people she wants to. It can’t be overlooked that these small interactions heavily contributed to the light and comfortable atmosphere many appreciated during the first trial. She’s also shown to continually fawn over and spend time with the younger people in Milgram. Even though Futa says she should be taking things more seriously given she’s the oldest woman here by behaving this way that’s exactly what Mahiru is doing.
She's recognizing the situation is weird and trying to put a positive spin on it, so the others don’t get more stressed out. Like it’s a once in a lifetime adventure nothing to be scared over, it’s all good think of it this way if we weren’t here now we wouldn’t even have met and I’m happy I met you aren’t you happy you met me, let’s try to make the best of it. A scary thing is sometimes just something fun upside down. In fact, it’s something adults commonly do with people younger than them during stressful situations. It’s this thing called lying to them because the truth is fundamentally worse.
In this case the truth would be no one regardless of age has any idea about what’s going on here, where they are, and what the people in this facility may do to them.
This is hardly even conjecture on my part since we see Mahiru handle Mu in the way one would a child.
20/07/13
Mahiru: Right…… so you too, Mu-chan…… ……hmm, I guess it’s because of the environment here. Sometimes your mental state has an impact.
Mu: ……you’re the same, then? ……that it’s gone……
Mahiru: ……it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. This sort of thing happens all the time~ Right, Mu-chan, do you want to eat something sweet? Jackalope-chan left a bunch of stuff out for us.
Mu: Yeah, I’ll eat them…… But…… I’d rather have mille crepe……
She sees Mu is upset, shows she understands why she is upset, and immediately diverts Mu’s attention to something else. It's literally how people are taught to handle upset children. If you can't give them the thing they want either because it's out or doesn't work for some reason divert their attention to something else. Like well that’s gone, everything's fine, things run out sometimes, but you can have this thing instead.
That's literally just being capable of dealing with children at that point. Which isn’t surprising for Mahiru given what we know about her hobbies and interests. That and the fact that it’s been heavily alluded to that she wanted a family and kids. Not only that but she feels like she’s behind when it comes to accomplishing that despite being 22 when she was incarcerated.
20/07/06
Amane: You want to know about my family……? My father is a truly wonderful person. He’s honest, values fairness and justice above all else, and will work himself to the bone for other people’s sake……. Why do you want to know?
Mahiru: Oh, I was just wondering what sort of parents you must have for them to have raised such a good child like you. Fufu, I’ll keep it in mind for the future when I raise my own family.
Amane: I see. If it will be of use to you, I’ll tell you more. It’s still a long way off for me, but for someone your age the prospect of finding a partner and having a family must feel a lot more real. Now that I think about it, I recall my mother was around your age when she gave birth to me……
Mahiru: Oof…! Even though you meant no ill with that statement, Mahiru onee-chan is suddenly really feeling the pressure~~!
The way she refers to herself even changes depending on the age of the person she’s talking to. Referring to herself as big sister with Es and Amane then with Mu and Haruka referring to them both as chan.
20/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)
Haruka: ……*sigh*……
Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?
Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……
Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritizes their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!
Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……
Mahiru just has a genuine interest in getting to know people. The most important thing to her is mutual understanding. Something she highlights in her voice drama,
“B-but you know prison guard… I think having a mutual understanding of each other is pretty important.”
She doesn’t start asking Es questions until after she's given them information on herself. Even if she jumps the gun on introducing herself, she’s just expecting back what she gave. Like I introduced myself now you okay. This is a pretty common thing people do when they work with children. For example, my god daughter is in elementary school when she goes to school the teacher greets her and doesn't let her in until she greets them back. They do this in order to practice reciprocity when it comes to conversing with others.
I wouldn't consider teachers doing that flirting even if it went past good morning into an actual conversation. Such as the teacher asking a student if they had a nice weekend or about their spring break. Even outside of that framing, like it or not, Milgram is a place where the prisoners and the guard are all forced to interact with each other because they're basically living together.
So, of course they'll have to talk to each other especially during the interrogations. There are benefits in understanding how to have a conversation especially if we're looking to figure out what they did. Being closed off like Yuno or Kazui tends to mean we find out less about what they did. Now, to be frank there are some characters I don't give a damn about knowing better so folks can make up whatever they want but it's incredibly frustrating to have characters I would like to get to know better reduced to just one thing and then shelfed like Yuno.
I just don't believe Mahiru wishing to have a reciprocal conversation is grounds to say she's flirting with anyone. Because honestly if someone were to ask me a bunch of questions about myself then when I’m like okay so what about you suddenly they clam up I’d feel a way about that. Considering that I’d just given them knowledge about me but as soon as I make it about them, they’re walking away… I’d feel a bit used. Because they understand me better, but I know nothing more about them, I haven't gained anything from this interaction.
How is that fair especially if I go through the trouble of answering That’s not how this works, I gave them personal information now they should reciprocate that’s a social transaction, “I don’t just want to give. Both giving and receiving are good things.”
Now it can be interrogated if this was the proper place for Mahiru to apply that sort of understanding. However, she’s only treating Es the same way Kazui, Shidou, and Mikoto did as a child. Because Es is a child. I think the reason people are more suspicious of her than others is because she comes off as more sincere or genuine along with her fixation on discussing romance. Something Mahiru has repeatedly used as a conversational crutch to get comfortable communicating with others. It's not as though this is a subject she only brings up with Es.
So, to me it seems like she’s really been shot in the foot by how sincerely interested she seems to be. The fact that people can’t really tell if she’s serious or not led to her being misinterpreted greatly by fans and within the series itself. Something that’s not surprising given it’s much easier for women to pretend to be engaged in conversation with children than men because well “Oh, wow what’s a nice drawing you have there. Oh, my that’s so interesting I would have never guessed. Oh, whoa amazing- A prison guard at this age how admirable.”
Women are taught how to fake interest earlier than man are most of the time and usually with childrearing in mind. Mahiru is so good at seeming genuine that even Kotoko has to question if she’s taking a dig at her or if she’s just that stupid. Yuno even admits she’s finally figured out that Mahiru is just a natural airhead and not condescending in her first written interrogation.
Q.26 Has anything interesting happened in MILGRAM lately?
Haruka: Recently Mu-san has started talking to me more often.
Yuno: – Confirmed that Mahiru-san really is a natural airhead – Futa getting looked down on by Amane.
The reason that it’s been so difficult for people within Milgram to confirm this about Mahiru is because it’s incredibly difficult to tell if someone is lying when they’re sort of telling the truth. It comes off as genuine because she is impressed by the individual and excited to learn more about them but objectively it’s probably not the most impressive thing she’s ever seen. To be completely honest it is possible she may not even care about what the other person is saying at all or just responding reflexively.
At the end of the day Mahiru has lived twenty-two years whatever anyone beneath her age does in Milgram won’t be a surprise to her. She doesn’t even question why Amane a rather young child is in here for murder while fully understanding something she did resulted in someone else’s death.
“Do you fully understand the situation you’re in, Mahiru? You’re a prisoner who’s killed someone. You weren’t brought here to have fun.”
“Killed someone… I guess I did. I can’t really deny it, can I?”/ “Sin, my sin…I guess so.”
Unlike Mikoto who when genuinely confronted with the idea that everyone is a murderer is like huh no way. Mahiru knows she killed someone, to the point that she can’t even deny it, or attempt to justify why she did. Instead, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, she immediately diverts the conversation back to the topic she’s comfortable with. Es literally only says,
“Milgram exists to reveal the sins of you prisoners then hand down the appropriate judgement on said sins. So, for that reason, talk to me for a bit.”
Mahiru throws everything else Es has said out the window instead latching onto the word talk completely,
“Talk! Yay, let’s talk! Let’s talk! Prison guard, are you interested in me? That makes me so happy.”
Notice how she got rid of the word sin entirely, making the topic of conversation not her sin/murder like Es expressly brought up but herself.
Even Es catches Mahiru’s attempt to derail the interrogation muttering to themselves about it. Yet unlike Yuno and Mu before her Mahiru is persistent. She doesn’t need to make a deal with Es or the series to conveniently give Es an existential crisis because she just happened to ask the right question even though it tries. Nope she’s just chatty and if you’re chatty enough you can get away with not giving anyone the information they asked for.
She notes Es’ muttering stating, “What are you muttering to yourself about?”
Then when Es clears his throat and begins to attempt to take charge of the situation again before they can bring up the topic of sins once more or even ask Mahiru to introduce herself she chimes in with-
“I’ll start! I’m Mahiru Shina, twenty-two years old. I might not be much good at anything, but please be kind to me.”
Then turns the introduction directly back on Es as we’ve discussed before. Reciprocity is a great way to make people feel like they’ve gained something in a conversation even if they haven’t gained the thing they wanted. Because chances are if someone asks you a question and you start a different conversation, they’ll just forget about that question which Es did for a good while.
During the rest of Mahiru’s interrogation. Mahiru continues to lead the conversation regardless of how many times Es tries to put it back on track. Mahiru even throws in trivial information about herself to keep the conversation going in the direction she likes or just keep it flowing. Mentioning the magazines she read, offering herbal solutions to Es’ memory problems. Until she slips up but ultimately goes back into the topic, she’s comfortable discussing love.
When the mention of her crime does come up again, she clams up only responding with,
“I guess it did… I think it was love.”/ “I suppose…you’re right.”
Giving very short answers up until the point Es assumed she killed out of jealousy or due to a grudge. After that she’s suddenly very willing to elaborate on the situation,
“You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never wanted to kill anyone in the first place! I just… I was… just being myself."
“What do you mean by that?”
“Not telling. After all I still don’t know you that well, prison guard.”
Mahiru is very aware of what she wishes to disclose and what she doesn't wish to. Instead of lying to Es which was something she could have done she bluntly goes I'm not telling you that covering it up with the fact she doesn't know the guard well enough. Just to give Es the impression that with enough time they'll get to know each other enough then she'll feel comfortable telling him that. It's the social equivalent of I'll tell you when you're older which is basically maybe this will come up again but it more than likely won't.
Now, if you’re discussing the ending of the interrogation specifically,
“Hey, prison guard, please tell me. If I love someone is that something unforgiveable?”
“I don’t know from the beginning, I never really understood what you were saying.”
“Oh, I see… I guess so. There’s something wrong with me, right? You can’t understand me, right?”
“Yeah, as of now.”
“Huh?”
“As of now I don’t understand you. That’s what I’m saying. But I will soon. Just wait and see. To be honest, the topics brought up in this interrogation were entirely outside of my area of expertise. Because of that I may have to deepen my understanding just as you said.”
“Prison guard.”
“I’m your prison guard even if I have an aversion to something or there’s something I can’t understand doesn’t meant I’m just going to give up on you and deem it hopeless. Not until I’ve judged your sins and decided if I forgive them or not.”
“Eh? Does that mean you’ll always keep an eye on me?”
“What? Well, it’s my duty after all.”
At this point Mahiru has difficulty containing her excitement and vocalizes it for the second time. Unlike Haruka who attempts to contain his excitement within his first voice trial but cracks a grin at being being slapped.
“What is it?!”
“My heart skipped a beat.”
“Just what on earth are you saying?”
“I… guess I love people who are enthusiastic about their work.”
“You- you’re messing with me, aren’t you?”
“Ah, this isn’t good! Be careful, okay. Um…um... If you’re that kind to me, you could die as well. Just- kidding..?”
“I wasn’t trying to be kind to you or anything like that. From the start I’ve just downright haven’t understood a thing you’ve said. However, rest assured, I promise no matter what you do, what you think, I won’t die.”
This gets another audible display of excitement or joy out of Mahiru.
“Because I’m Milgram’s prison guard-that’s why.”
Mahiru can no longer contain her excitement and gets up from her chair as we can hear her shoes clack against the floor a few steps before the song extraction machine whirs to life it’s bell ringing startling her from her movement and causing her to ask,
“Wha-what is this? Is it because my love exploded?”
“No, it’s the end of the interrogation- Goodness sake… things never go as planned, do they? With you prisoners I mean.”
Then Es explains, “The personal experiences I see how true to life the videos are, and the degree of abstraction that all depends on the person. It may even depend on how each of you perceives your own sin.”
This has nothing to do with Mahiru just wanted to point it out again given the new trials and me seeing some statements about how prisoners can’t lie in their videos because this expressly told us that they can it just depends on the person. They can lie in their videos if they want to. It’s their fucking minds making them. It makes sense that the videos would be impacted by their beliefs, interests, or how they view their actions.
It all comes down to how they personally view it and what they think is important at that moment. This is why Mikoto’s was so jarring from the start because unlike the other prisoners who know exactly why they’re here he’s not conscious of what he did wrong. So, he can’t dress it up well because he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be dressing up. We see everyone else do this to an extent throughout trial one.
Like it’s so fucked up that anyone is even going the prisoners can’t lie in their songs or dress thing up at all. Like yeah Shidou’s victim was the flower person, Kazui didn’t destroy a relationship he really only broke a vase, Yuno didn’t get an abortion she popped a balloon, Mu was really trapped in that hourglass, and Futa wasn’t on twitter he was actually the protagonist of an isekai stuck in a video game world where he was really fighting level bosses, and Haruka is from the crayon version of chalkzone.
Then like one of my friends keeps saying Mikoto didn’t kill more than one person he just teleported behind the guy at the beginning of MeMe who ran under the underpass got hit with a bat from behind then is somehow still the victim we see crawling on the ground because the video can’t lie so Mikoto must just have VIP access to the fucking backrooms. Fuck it Kotoko didn’t jump two different people she kicked that guy in the alley in the face so hard he had to get reconstructive facial surgery then he became a child abductor then she had to hunt him down again and put a stop to him for good. Amane wasn’t in a cult unless you consider the cult of popularity one she was actually a child actress on a well know public access show in Japan who was complicit with the death of one of her fellow child actors who got an onset injury as a result of her parents religious belief not to give people medical help and the punishment she received after the first time she did it. The next person that got hurt she just watched them die and that’s why she’s here.
Nobody did anything wrong there’s no victims here except victims of circumstance as far as the eye can see. Except for Mikoto who under this idea is just a god who can bend reality and not only didn’t need to work at that job but just really didn’t need to resort to murder at any point either. If this were the case at that point he could’ve robbed a bank. So, I guess he’s guilty everybody else though can go home.
The extent people will go just to try to prove one thing even when it’s notably false and has been stated to be so from the beginning is wild. Like no they can also lie in the videos no one ever said they couldn’t in fact the exact opposite was said. This can also lead to them making themselves look worse like in the case of Mikoto, Haruka, and Mu’s. Usually as a reaction to if they feel their interrogation went poorly. Because they go directly into the machine after the interrogation and that will be the freshest experience on their mind which will of course impact the video extracted.
Back to Mahiru. Yeah, I gotta admit that is weird but she’s not the first prisoner to behave in this matter when it comes to enjoying being watched or controlled. That would be Haruka yet I don’t see people saying he was flirting with Es when that happened. In fact another character even calls Haruka’s response to being slapped kinky but most overlook that. Even though at this point that’s clearly what it is since he is deriving pleasure from pain and being controlled.
So, if we want to put some sexual or flirtatious spin on Mahiru’s behavior that rightfully stands for Haruka as well. Just because she’s older than him doesn’t mean all of her actions are subject to sexual scrutiny but his aren’t. He’s seventeen according to him when he was brought to Milgram and as of 2023 with the continued celebrating of birthdays implying aging is still very much a thing within Milgram he’d be twenty going on twenty-one in June because he had a birthday after being brought to Milgram.
Like this may be an assumption on my part but I thought since we were celebrating birthdays they were aging. I did assume they weren’t celebrating birthdays for nothing. Like I don’t think they’re in stasis because Shidou and Mikoto are notably still aging both of their hair has grown out and everything. It even appears as though Amane has gotten taller because even slouched down, knees bent in her season two art she seems to be above the height she was at incarceration.
Something that subtly calls attention to this idea is the interaction Haruka has on Mikoto's birthday last year.
22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)
Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?
Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh.
Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?
Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……
Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha.
Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.
Outside of taking into consideration they are aging while in Milgram. A lot of people who are seventeen do have sexual relationships, some even have them younger than that. Most of the male friends I've had have told me they’re first sexual relationship/experience was before the end of middle school. So, in fairness if this is going to be something interrogated for Mahiru it’s only right that Haruka’s behavior is interrogated as well.
Like, I’m not saying this is a bad point to consider. I am however saying consider it for each prisoner who was acting in this way instead of just dogpiling on one because Haruka’s behavior was also suspicious and continues to be so. Yet, I understand how pointing out Haruka’s flaws when it comes to this can seem like shifting the topic and like whataboutism.
So, when it comes to Mahiru behaving in this way at the end of her interrogation I think it’s weird but not out of character for her. Mahiru never tells Es that what she values the most is love. Because it’s not what she values the most, at least it’s not what I think she values the most. What she values the most throughout her first trial interrogation isn’t love but being understood and understanding the person she loves.
Not just wanting to put in the effort to understand them but them doing the same when it comes to understanding her.
The thing she’s interested in is having people pay attention to her. Like really pay attention to her and not just go on about themselves. This is why I think she gets overly excited when Es says they aren’t just going to stop trying to get to know her just because they can’t understand her immediately. That’s why she immediately goes something’s wrong with me right you can’t understand me right? Just to then go wait don’t say things like that when Es earnestly states I don’t get it right now but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to because it’s his job after all.
Getting to know them, seeing their sins, judging them, that’s what the guard of Milgram is meant to do. It’s the exact opposite of Mikoto who’s like I would hate for someone to be watching me. Milgram is separated on another level outside of maturity. Those who want to be watched, those that don’t, and ones who seem indifferent.
Those who want to be watched: Kazui (Wants to be viewed as guilty), Shidou (Wants to be viewed as guilty), Futa (Wants to be viewed as Innocent), Mu (Wants to be viewed as Innocent), Haruka (Wants to be viewed as Innocent or Guilty or just fawned over by someone???), Mahiru (Wants to be viewed as Innocent to the point she cold opened with if you can’t forgive me I’d rather die.)
Those Who Don’t: Yuno (Has stated she doesn’t want our opinion in three different ways), Amane (Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you but if you do agree we could work together), Kotoko (Would rather be a team because it’s easier if we agree but doesn’t seem against the idea of taking action on her own), Mikoto (Literally hostile/defensive towards being perceived and has been since Milgram started.)
Though this goes back into the discussion on attachment above at this point and how Mahiru wants closeness but is afraid of what will happen if she gets to close.
Mahiru even pulls the same thing we see her do in her first interrogation with Es on Futa. Pulling him into her pace with ease and the only ones to call her out for this and meet her where she’s at is someone she says has cheater energy, Shidou, and Kazui who thanks her for her hard work when it comes to keeping the atmosphere light which she plays off like no, no I do this because I want to.
Which should sound rather familiar.
20/06/29
Yuno: ……mmm, the food here is pretty nice. I wonder if the guard made it…… Oh yeah, Mahiru-san, do you cook?
Mahiru: Hm? I do~ Cooking, washing, cleaning, I love doing all those sorts of things~ Fufufu, I passed all my self-imposed training to become the perfect wife with flying colours!
Yuno: Wow, incredible… I don’t know whether to call that old-fashioned or what. ……isn’t it a pain?
Mahiru: Eh~? I don’t think it’s a pain at all~ It’s fun~
This sort of behavior is something her and Mikoto have in common since they’re rather quick talkers moving from one point to another like that. This may be why she dislikes him a little bit even though she’s accepted the nickname. It can be incredibly difficult for two people with the same communication habits to get along because most of the time one will end up speaking over the other. Basically Mikoto and Mahiru seem like the type to be a bit more interested in learning about others and move away from discussing themselves. Usually holding themselves back because they believe they’re talking too much or turning the topic to the other person when they don’t want to discuss themselves.
They’ll give a little information about themselves but they both have it in their heads well I’ve told you this now can you answer x for me. It’s a social transaction. Best example of this with Mikoto is his interaction with Shidou.
20/06/20
Mikoto: ……oh, so you are here after all. Shidou-san, are you free? Let’s chat~
Shidou: ! Ah, just give me a moment…… Um…… I don’t mind talking, but you didn’t need to come over while I was smoking. Are you sure it isn’t too smoky for you? You’re not a smoker, right, Kayano-kun?
Mikoto: Ah, you don’t need to put it out! That’d be such a waste! I smoke too occasionally. Though just vape. Like, the smoking room is a really good spot for communication, right? So, I thought now might be a good opportunity to talk with you. Not like I have anything else to do.
By the way, I’ve been wondering for a while, but do you always wear those gloves?
Shidou: I don’t…… How to put it…… I suppose…… since I have my hands covered all the time, then when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater…… I know it’s probably all in my head…… but that’s how it feels.
It’s not exactly an insidious thing to do and I’d like to say it’s a very common thing amongst people in my age group. Though it’s more honest to say I do it a lot myself. Where you’ll tell someone trivial information that’s common for most folks and then ask something you were interested in knowing about them. Something not as common but specific to who they are. It’s kind of difficult to deal with people who communicate like that or be someone who communicates in that way.
Because eventually people they talk to will come up and go hm I don’t really know much about you what do you like exactly without realizing maybe that was intentional. There’s a difference between subjective truths and objective facts is my point here.
Mahiru even attempts to do something similar to what Mikoto did there with Shidou to him. This situation highlights how Mahriu uses the topic of romance as a sort of conversational crutch and how Es isn’t the only person she does so with. After their somewhat rocky introduction, Mahiru goes out of her way to create a sleepover environment, orders specific futons, invites Mikoto and Kazui all just to roll over as they’re meant to be sleeping to Mikoto specifically and say,
“Hey… Did you fall asleep already? Is there a person you like?”
To Mikoto’s visual discomfort as he goes, “No…but… What is going on here?”
Like the entire minigram makes it seem like Mahiru sprung this on Mikoto and Kazui was an accomplice. Mahiru admits to planning it even down to ordering specific futons. Kazui being the third person here, one of the people Mikoto is comfortable with because well he has a nickname, they smoke together with Shidou, and no kids being present. Or even any other girls despite Mahiru claiming this is the perfect environment for girl talk she's the only one there to our knowledge I guess I don't know how Kazui and Mikoto identify I suppose they could be fluid which diversity win??? We're not gonna go into that here. The point is they're male presenting.
Mahiru didn’t invite any female presenting prisoners or the one canonically cis one Mu. I still can't believe I can say that now. Instead she invited Mikoto who probably showed up because well it’s Kazu and Mappi. So, it should be fine then she does this. It's giving the same energy as Mikoto going oh Shidou is smoking good chance to talk to him and break the ice except instead of waiting for the chance Mahiru just creates it.
Something we’re shown she has a habit of doing in This Is How To Be In Love With You,
She has misgivings about Mikoto. Has claimed he has cheater energy but is still trying to break the ice and relate to him by discussing a topic she enjoys romance. This is also one of the rare moments we see Mikoto get annoyed or put off. Responding to Mahiru with,
“So, you made it into that sort of situation? That’s why- you wrote futons on the supply list. I was surprised you were able to change the bedding.”/ “Poor Guard-kun.”
To the point Kazui has to break in and be like,
“Don’t criticize Mahiru too much the place and atmosphere is very important when it comes to discussing certain things. Hmm, not sure if I have any girl talk material. How about a story of a messy love triangle from the place I used to work at?”
Which elicits this response, “You old man…”
Really displaying the closeness and mutual understanding between most of the older inmates. It gives that vibe of the kids are asleep let’s talk shit as Mikoto is there like how did I get dragged into this if I knew it was this sort of thing I would’ve went back to my cell. As if they knew each other outside of Milgram they'd probably all go drinking together.
Mahiru actively invites people she considers her peers maturity wise to this. Yuno isn’t here, Mu isn’t, Kotoko isn’t none of the girls close to her age just Mikoto a guy a year older than her and Kazui the thirty-nine-year-old. Despite that, I’ve rarely if ever seen anyone say she was flirting with Mikoto here. Because we know she isn’t because she’s complained about him saying he has cheater energy.
I really don't understand how presuming she’s flirting with the fifteen-year-old in her interrogation is somehow easier to conclude but hey we are laying next to each other, about to sleep right besides each other, and I'm asking if you have someone you like this is clearly platonic though. No one said shit about that. Again, I understand how she could come off that way. However, given all the people she’s spoken to about romance in a somewhat flirtatious way to only highlight the interrogation with Es seems like cherry-picking to me.
Milgram does a good job of highlighting the various maturity levels of the characters as they communicate with each other. Showing to me that there’s a high chance the most mature people within the prison would be as follows Kazui, Mahiru, Mikoto, Yuno, then Shidou. Yes, Yuno is before Shidou. Because she’s called Mikoto and Mahiru both out on their people pleasing antics and is the one to step up and focus on the mood when Mahiru and Mikoto were put out of commission by their verdicts even if she says she doesn’t like to be bothered.
Shidou is also just more likely to let kids walk all over him given his experiences and can come off as though he’s talking down to those younger than him instead of with them which is kind of immature in my book. I think one of the points of being a “proper adult” should be being able to talk to people younger or older than oneself like their people not idiots, or someone who are beneath you usually meeting them where they’re at and reading the atmosphere. Everyone on the list I made up there has shown themselves to be good at that to varying degrees.
This is also why Kotoko and Futa aren’t on this list because they can’t do that at all. Sure, they think they’re being mature…. Anyone that’s actually mature or has had to take responsibility for others will get annoyed with their shit and try to sort out their behavior through communicating with them or avoiding them. Like Mikoto on Kotoko’s birthday. He doesn’t just talk to her because he’s nice.
His behavior could also be interpreted as him going this is a problem child, who has lashed out once already but directly confronting the issue like he did with Futa is something he recognizes won’t lead to her reflecting on her behavior- Because Kotoko is under the belief that she’s doing what the guard wants her to. The guard has already voted him guilty and made him into a bad guy in her eyes him stating her behavior is wrong could be taken as validating it’s right because why should she care about what a guilty person says.
That’ll just get her to fight him so he tries the nice way, the prisoners can’t physically fight each other now that the guard is awake so let’s try to call a truce for now and discuss exactly what her issue is during this time. She’s still younger than me so it’s up to me to be the mature and bigger person as an adult. Because twenty would be a child to a twenty-three-year-old with a job just as eighteen or twenty would be a child to a twenty-two-year-old. Hence why Mahiru invites Kazui and Mikoto to this girl talk sleepover but not any of the other girls.
I don’t really think anyone would be surprised by how many people above the age of twenty-one consider twenty and twenty-one too young or still a kid where I live. It’s basically everyone I know. Though most twenty- and twenty-one-year-olds are like I’m just like you I’m in my twenties I’m an adult I can drink and honestly like uh huh yeah they are but for the most part only legally… We’ve seen Milgram mess around with this concept with how Futa reacts to Yuno playing children games her little brother liked.
For a good deal of people, a lot of a person’s early twenties is just pretending to be mature and trying to distance oneself from childish things which can lead to people being more immature and sort of closeminded. Kind of the I could never be wrong age for people who never really went through that much before finishing high school. Admittedly I was more in Yuno or Mikoto’s boat mindset wise before graduating high school. So, I already had a heavy focus on reading the atmosphere due to certain experiences I had up until that point.
Though with characters like Futa and Kotoko they both seem to have not really experienced much of the things they dislike about society. Which makes it easier for people who have experienced stuff like that to hate them because their activism/help comes off as self-indulgent performative nonsense to anyone who’s dealt with societal struggles.
Mikoto and Mahiru usually give objective facts about themselves and tend to keep away from subjective truths unless put under a considerable amount of stress.
22/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)
Mahiru: My birthday…… the day I was born…… But was there really any reason for me being born? Lately I’ve started to wonder that. Do you ever think about stuff like that, Yuno-chan?
Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that. But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless?
Mahiru: : ……you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know.
Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san.
21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)
Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?
Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.
Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.
Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.
When they do, they’re usually the ones to quickly shut themselves down. Either asking someone else what they think or going well what use is talking about it gonna do. Because they both seem to be people who tend to want to handle their issues themselves or not worry others. Not to call out everyone but that’s a very common thing amongst people in their age range when Milgram started.
Yet, it is kind of adorable how Mahiru attempts to catch Mikoto off guard by discussing romance stuff with him something he may not have much of a grasp of but she could discuss all day when Kazui, Mikoto and her are having that little sleep over. During her first interrogation even when Mahiru brings up Es being in the height of their adolescence or the springtime of youth. That's mostly due to her interest in shoujo manga where the protagonists of that tend to be around Es' age. So, even that's not that weird when considered fully.
What I'm getting at here is there are other explanations for all the characters actions that can put them in a more negative or positive light. However, I feel if one thing is going to be interrogated with one prisoner it's only fair to interrogate the same thing with others. Since a lot of the prisoners have acted in ways that can be perceived as inappropriate towards Es and it's odd to only single out Mahiru in this regard.
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
How did Snap become King?
I've made it pretty common knowledge that if you've seen some of my posts, you know I have a Newsie au where my characters are "alternatives" to the newsies in the 1992 and pro-shot. The character who is Spot Conlon alternative is named Snap Crusad. Well that's the name you know him by
(TW For mention of murder, death, and overall violence)
-------
I never wanted this job. Why did they give me this job? Why did all of Calc's 2nds give me this job? Why did Calc choose me of all kids?
Nobody expected Calc to get that sick, so sick she couldn't be Queen of Brooklyn anymore. So sick I had to replace her. Especially when I'm only 12 years old. I just turned 12 and this is my life. Fucking, King of Brooklyn. A 12 year old is King of Brooklyn.
"Snap!" The nickname brought me out of my thoughts. To see Blue, standing next to me, their hand on my shoulder. "We have to go." They're only 13. Why us?
"Why? What do you mean?"
"There's a rumour someone's out to kill you. Or hurt you badly enough to overthrow you." She started to pull me into an alleyway, through a series of other alleys that are far from out in the open. Only she, Calc, and I really knew about these. Maybe not even Calc anymore. She's too sick.
Blue didn't really bother not telling me that someone's going to try and murder me. I knew that. It came along with the job. Especially when you're 12 and a bunch of people think a 12 year old definitely shouldn't be in charge of Brooklyn.
"Wait, wait, I have to do something." I pushed Blue's hand off my arm and started heading back to the lodging house. I need to talk to Calc, whether or not how dangerous it is for me.
Back at the lodging house, I push through a group of older newsies, shrugging off their questions and glares. I head up the stairs to the single room that the Queen, or King, stays in. Sure I'm King now, Calc deserves it more than me though.
Calc sat up too fast when I came into the room, quickly and quietly. "Snap? What are you-" She started coughing in a fit.
"Ay, ay, lean back down. I'm fine. I just need to talk to you."
"I ain't doing so good, Tomy." I glanced at the closed door, the empty gap under the door, then the closed window. God, this job is making me paranoid.
"I see that." Leaning on the wall opposite of the bed, the brick wall, I put my hands behind me and knocked my knuckles against it softly. I need to feel something.
"Are you ok though? What's with the rush?"
"I just needed to talk to you at least one more time."
"Don't think I'm dying to fast 'ere now-"
"Someone, or multiple people, are out to kill me. So you might live longer than I will."
"Don't think that way. Come 'ere." Calc gestured for me to sit on the bed next to her. She put her sickly pale hand on my shoulder tighter than I thought she was able. "Don't think that way. If you do, that's def'netly going to leave ya dead. Don't let this kids kill ya. That's just how it works."
The knocking at the door made me jump, but both Calc and I recognized the stained blue work shoes seen under the door. "Blue?"
They opened the door, out of breath, then quickly closed it again. "You are ridiculously fast and an idiot. We have to go." They went across the room to the window and started to open it. "I found a place to strategize, or at least so you can think without these goons after ya. Come on." They disappeared out the window, to climb down the fire escape.
"You have to go."
"But-"
"Don't worry about me. I'll survive. Worry about yourself right now." I stared at her, one foot out the window, trying to think of something to say. "You're helping me by doing this, Tomy. Live on and be King of Brooklyn." She started coughing and I shut the window, keeping the cold air outside, away from her.
#newsies#92sies#oc#writing#creative writing#character design#newsies broadway#spot conlon#more stuff about my newsie au#alternate universe#this is really long#im sorry
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was trying to wait until I no longer work there to post about what I'm experiencing at work but I need to process it. CW: very heavy topic, trauma dumping, childhood trauma, grooming
I haven't written anything about it because I've been paranoid that Boss is following me on here, reading my posts. But oh well, either I'm paranoid and she won't see this. Or I'm not paranoid and I'm warning you, don't read this. I don't think you're in your stage of healing where you could handle this.
Lol, I gotta stop doing that. Not posting my thoughts and experiences in respect of someone else's feelings. I try to write things down privately in a journal or my notes app. I write letters to friends. It's just not the same as posting on here. Posting on here is like saying. I exist. My experience is valid. Gotta heal out of that people pleasing.
This might be out of order, my brain is weird, I will do my best to be coherent.
So the work environment is very triggering for me right now. The group dynamic is triggering childhood trauma of bullying. Where everyone is "nice" to you but they're making fun of you behind your back. (I trust some folk at work but not everyone) This is how some autistic folk experience bullying.
Like I definitely know they talk about me behind my back. I have had mental episodes that everyone is aware of. I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt by telling myself they are just concerned. I know I'm not an easy person to talk to. I don't trust very easily. But knowing they're talking about me is definitely triggering this bullying trauma. I just wish they would directly ask me, through text or something, not in person.
I am a very emotional person and I really don't want to be emotional at work. I'm in neurocognitive decline and it's very hard for me to hide it right now. (As far as I'm aware there is no definitive new term for autistic burnout, but the autistic community is trying to leave the term burnout behind because allistic folk do not take it as serious as they should because burnout is a very different experience for them. I am calling it neurocognitive decline.) So I wish people would just talk to me in my preferred format if its something serious. They all know I have a hard time with verbal communication. I have been clear about that. But I've masked too well in the past and was going off scripts so well, they of course, don't take that seriously.
But it's not just that. Boss and I trigger each other. She doesn't want to admit it but I can read people's body language and emotions really well. I can tell when I trigger someone.
I really shouldn't have gone to her birthday gathering. It was pretty weird. So when they talked to me about it they said the theme was coyote ugly. I did the best I could with what I had in my closet. But when I met up with everyone they said that changed it to cowboy/cow themed. I didn't care really because they're almost the same and no one was really dressed to that theme anyways. But I could tell I triggered Boss. Boss really does have a lot of internalized fatphobia. She tries so hard to talk herself up (and rightly so, she is gorgeous) but I can tell she doesn't feel it 100%. Which is sad for me to see. I wish she was more confident in herself.
Didn't help how much the others were complimenting me. I could see she didn't like it. And honestly I didn't like it either. Felt like the bullying love bombing, but even without that, I don't really like when people compliment my appearance.
Like I have pretty privilege. There is no denying it. I know how I look, I love how I look, I have no self confidence issues in regards to how I look. But people really don't like it when you tell them to not compliment your appearance. Whenever I tell people that they react in a few ways.
"Just take the compliment. I'm just being nice." (From people of all genders, whether they're attracted to me or not)
They struggle to find a way to compliment me.
Also didn't help how people at the club were looking at me either. She noticed. She has had a very different experience of the world in that regard. She is fat. And the world has been difficult and cruel to her because of it. I see how the world treats her and people like her. It's not right.
I know I triggered her too when she was struggling to make the schedule and I commented "and they say we're not understaffed" and she snapped at me saying "stop saying that! We're not understaffed!" Friend and M were there and saw it and we all exchanged looks but I didn't say anything because I get that this job is stressing her out. Then a few days later she put up a help wanted sign. No apology for her snapping at me. When I bright this up in the meeting with her and K she said that she doesn't remember that, we're not bringing the others into this, she recognized my experience is valid. But still didn't apologize.
So when she was side-eyeing me all night and when she said "skinny people don't even need to try" in a way where she implied she's talking about me but can deny it (she's done this a couple of times at work too and in the meeting with boss and k, boss tried to say that she was just joking. I can tell the difference between a joke and a jab. Even if I don't find the joke funny I can tell what the intent was. It's in the eyes and the mouth. People think they're hard to read but they're not ) all I could think was. I get it. Of course this is how you feel after the world has treated you the way that it has. So I didn't say anything. No one likes being called out on their behavior, which is one reason why I think no one calls me out on mine (I wish they would, I actually like when people call me out on my behavior, work is weird because I don't want to be emotional at work but they can message me about it)
I realized my mental health, my physical health, was impacting everyone at work. I went to Boss and told her. (This was before the meeting with Boss and K, before I said I don't trust Boss in group chat) Hey I'm in burnout. And she responded. We all are. Which I'm still like, none of us should be. But this is when a switch flipped in my head. She's letting her perception of me get in the way of my well-being. That was a trigger. I'll get to that in a second. This is why I'm no longer using burnout to describe my experience. Why I'm using the term neurocognitive decline.
Took her a month to reduce my schedule down to 3 days. I get it, we had inventory and were short staffed. But it still just felt like she wasn't taking me seriously. She said she researched autistic burnout after I told her through group chat that I didn't trust her but I'm sure it was very cursory. Had to have a meeting with Boss and K where I showed them this tiktok. She mentioned that time she researched it. We talked about demoting me from supervisor to just sales associate which yes I was thankful for that. But it still feels like I'm not being taken seriously.
She was talking about how "we" have to manage our triggers (she was talking about me, she's so passive aggressive) she was talking about how "we wanted to be a communist party" (which was another trigger for me, I'll get to that when I talk about her she's specifically triggering me separate out of the group bullying dynamic) but also talking about "don't look at the emails, that's for management only, that information is not for everyone" and "we all need to help out" (how are you going to talk about being a communist party and needing everyone to help out but also keeping us in the dark about stuff and not sharing information?) But the whole meeting just, felt like what this video is talking about.
The last team meeting she was stressed out. I wasn't looking at her because I was having a hard time masking. So I was faced away and looking kinda up at the ceiling and rocking a little bit. I'm sure she was triggered by that too, I think she thought I was ignoring her. But I was listening, it's easier to listen when I'm not also looking. Another reason I didn't want to look at her was because I'm tired of managing her emotions.
I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt to her and see that she's trying to ask people for more help in order to help me out but it also feels like she's using that as a way to fire me if I don't do what she says (I did ask for her to fire me in a way that i can collect unemployment, I talk about it a bit further down, I just can't trust her)
I also think she thinks I'm not eating the food she brings to the meetings because I am not being a team player or because I don't like her or something along those lines. No, the food makes me sick. I've been having a hard time eating food because of my neurocognitive decline (mind, body, soul, all connected) and I see how hard it is for her to accommodate me and I'm not gonna force her too. She doesn't have to. She's having a hard time. She can do what she can do. I don't have hard feelings about that.
Another thing that frustrates me is that it feels like she's trying to treat everyone the same when we're not all the same, we're not all capable of doing everything or doing everything the same way and after the meeting I did hear Boss say to M that she feels like the new hires help out more than the older workers and like do you still not get that I'm in neurocognitive decline??? Do you not get that we also know this company doesn't give a shit about us? Where is your communist spirit, I thought we were a communist party?
Another thing she mentioned in that meeting was how we can't call out or go home early for no reason. I know that is referencing me too. I have been calling out and going home early pretty often lately. Because I am in neurocognitive decline. But I think she was upset that a few days prior to this I had left home early. And how I left. I had texted her if I could go home early. She did not reply. I called her from the work phone. She did not answer. I told my ma what time she would be getting into work so she could pick me up when I asked her to go home early. So when Boss got into work she saw my ma was there. When I asked if I could leave she said "yea, your mom is waiting for you already". Like she really doesn't understand what I'm going through if she's thinking I'm going home just because I want to
Anyways. Back to how she mentioned "we need to manage our triggers" and how she was talking about me. And this relates to why I think she's following me on here. So before the meeting (the day before? A few days before?) I had written a post on here about how I noticed I was having a meltdown one a month. I had also written this post after I had talked to HR about a certain light causing migraines and how the District Manager said ALL lights need to remain on and that the company provides ibuprofen. HR backed her up and said it was OSHA and company policy. I tried looking up OSHA regulations and only found "1915.82(a)(1) The employer shall ensure that each work area and walkway is adequately lighted whenever an employee is present." Which doesn't state all lights need to be on, only that it needs to be adequately lit.
But what really made me think that she's following me on here is after I had posted about issues at work and with her but I said she was still like a creative and amazing person (in tags of this post), I don't think she's a bad person (still don't btw, sometimes there are just people you can't have in your life because your issues conflict with each other) and then at work she explained to me her issues with her mom. How she had pretty privilege and other things. And in my head, I'm just like, she read the post and I knew I was triggering issues with her mom (maybe of another person too, childhood "friend" perhaps? If I'm not being paranoid and she is following me I have to think it's for a reason, she might just be trying to protect herself from experiencing the same thing she has before, idk) and this is also what led to me not trusting her besides her not taking me seriously when I said I was in burnout.
So if I'm not paranoid I'm assuming Boss thinks me doing that was me having a meltdown or that I was triggered. Nope. The meltdown referenced in that post had nothing to do with work. I was thinking clearly when I was messaging with HR. That was also me self-regulating. Turns out I'm a PDA autistic. (I prefer Persistent Drive for Autonomy, that feels more correct for me than Pathological Demand Avoidance. And this has also created problems between Boss and I because I have been unintentionally engaging in Equalizing Behavior (I realize after) and allistic don't like that, they need their hierarchy)
Another thing that makes me think she's following me on here is because in the meeting with Boss and K, she said she wasn't micromanaging which was not a word I used in the meeting but I did use it in the tags of the same post
I know I've typed in the tags of a few posts that I wish I could just collect unemployment and then K started talking about her getting unemployment because of her 2nd job and when I said I wished I could get unemployment she very carefully said to talk to Boss about it and that Boss might just be uncomfortable firing a "friend". The whole interaction felt suspicious but I played along and said sure. Talked to Boss about it with K present and Boss was also very careful with her response. Could just be because she's trying to be careful of her position and be careful with me since I said I don't trust her. Like again, I am hoping that I'm paranoid about all of this. But it's so hard for me to trust her right now. Didn't help that in that meeting she said she'd talk to her lawyer friend because I couldn't be fired for insubordination and that we'd come up with a plan. Well, she never talked to me about a plan. And one time I called out for being sick and the next day B texted me asking if I was still feeling unwell and if I would be staying home. I said I was not gonna make it in and she said that she texted Boss to let her know. Then Boss tried to give me a write-up for it because I didn't tell her but I said I didn't because B did and I pulled up the message where she said so and she seemed frustrated (hoping because she was trying to help me but she knows I don't trust her and idk why she won't let me in on her plan. But this has been a huge issue for me working with her too. She thinks she communicates well but she does not, at least not with me. And I mirror communication styles so I know to her it seems like I don't communicate well)
It's also hard to trust her about this because she told employees that write-ups are back for everyone. Like I asked to be fired in a way I could collect unemployment, you didn't need to bring write-ups back for everyone. Why are you continuing to treat us all the same when we're not. And I don't mean treat us all the same as equivalent to treating us equal. Those are two different things for me. Treat us all equal, yes, but we all have different needs and capabilities so don't treat us all the same. She's leaning into the reasons I can't trust her.
This part is what I think I'm being most paranoid about (at least really hoping I'm being paranoid about, it would be extremely fucked up if I'm not being paranoid about it) so when I was confused about my feelings for Mrs Heartstrings (gotta find a new name for her, will just refer to her as Friend, same Friend mentioned earlier) I did kinda tell Boss. I was confused about if she was flirting with me or just being kind and none of my friends that I talked to about it could offer any insight because they have never met her (well, Strawhat Friend did, but very momentarily and no interaction between us) and so one day I asked Boss if she could tell if a person was flirting with me (I showed her a screenshot of a text message that was cropped to remove names) and that the person was married but I wasn't sure if they were poly or not. She asked me where I met her and I froze. She said I didn't have to answer and I didn't. But she's smart. I'm sure she figured it out. But after that it seemed like everyone was talking Friend up. "Friend is so amazing!" was said to me multiple times to the point where I started responding "I know???" And I remember this time where a few coworkers kinda stood around her and said something like "Friend is autistic" and she made a pose and it just seemed very ta-da! And I think I just responded with "I know?" But I thought "I know" "are y'all showing her off?" "What's going on here?" "Sorry I'm not the right kind of autistic" (that last one I thought because I had been saying I'm too autistic for this job so I was hoping it was related to that and not what I was being suspicious about) I really hope I'm being paranoid about this part because even if they tell themselves it was a "joke" it's fucked up and led to me having a spiral. I prefer to spiral just because I'm fucked up and not because someone is messing with me.
Okay. So now to the part where I talk about her triggering me. If I'm not being paranoid and Boss is reading this, you are really gonna want to stop reading at this point. You really aren't in the right place of your healing journey to read this.
So she has called the team meetings "family dinner" and has called us a family, which was extremely triggering for me and not just because that is a corporate tactic to get employees to work harder for them.
She doesn't communicate well, she's been changing a lot of things at work and how we do things which would be fine except she doesn't explain them properly or at all, or will explain it to someone else who will explain it to me but still without the necessary information my autistic brain needs to actually be able to do it. Like this.
One, she never talked to me about this. K did. But it didn't make sense to my autistic brain to print out the shipment manifest in a way that wasted ink and paper because it included a lot of items that weren't actually shipped to us. It has a lot of items with 0 at the end of it. And in the system all you have to do is press one button, twice, to change the format in the system to show the items listed from greatest to least amount of items sent. I printed upcoming shipments like that so it would only be like 2-5 pages long instead of like 10+ pages long. I saved the digital version in the bookmark bar of both internet browsers on the computer. I told K about it and she said no one else would want to do that work and I said no one else has to, y'all can do it your way when you print up the shipment list because I know we're all different. After that is when Boss wrote that in the pass down log. And now that I'm no longer a supervisor, I saw how they are doing the shipment list. They are using what comes in the shipment. Which is exactly how I was prepping it anyways. And she has not apologized because she didn't tell me directly so she has the excuse that she wasn't talking about me. When yes she was.
No explanation for why that way is better. Does not want to communicate about it. She just wants to tell us to do something and she just wants us to do it no questions asked. And so passive aggressive. I know she's talking about me. (Why can't she just talk to me directly. I know I'm hard to talk to. But if it's work related that is very easy to talk about. Just talk to me directly so I can mirror your communication style and I can be direct back.) Very triggering for me. And the next shipment they printed out their way I just could not do it because of my pda profile and because of being triggered and because it just does not make sense to me. I couldn't do it and said as much. (In the meeting with Boss and K and Boss said "we already let you do what you want to do" which was so frustrating for me because what I want to do is my job, but she still doesn't get that I'm in neurocognitive decline and I'm just trying to do what I can do.) Honestly since messaging HR about the OSHA thing it has been a bit easier for me to work because I'm motivated by spite (to the company, not even Boss) now. I want to cause problems for the company but just let them try to fire me without it looking like retaliation. I do my job. I am being nice to people. Trying to talk. It probably doesn't seem enough, I'm wearing a more manageable mask, it's not as upbeat and social and I know because of everything going on they think I'm being upset at them when I really just don't have the energy or capacity. I'm sure some people are taking it personally.
Another thing that triggered me was when she said "I'm always watching" talking about how she looks over the security camera footage. I talked to her about this in the meeting but I'm not sure if she gets it or not because this is what she put in the report she typed up.
Like I'm not triggered by the cameras being there (although I do hate that we live in a surveillance state) I'm triggered by what she said. And she speaks corporate very well. She knows how this is gonna make me look. I'm looking to get out of there anyways so whatever. But then it was funny that after she submitted this she posted in the group chat that management was looking at the cameras more "for some reason"
But she could just be covering her own ass too. In the meeting she said she was taking notes so she could type up the report. Later I had asked for a copy, now I wonder if she actually meant that or if she did that allistic thing where they say things they don't mean. Like how hard is it to say, I'm taking notes so I know what to respond to without interrupting you? I signed it without reading too, but because I wanted the copy for myself and to show friends. I'm sure she thought I wanted it to get her in trouble. Or maybe she still doesn't get it. She's never really been able to listen and understand me. It's just an allistic/autistic communication issue (I need to be more direct again, I stopped as a kid because people really don't like it)
Another way she triggered me was by taking away autonomy. She said that staff can't rearrange the merch without asking for permission from a supervisor or her, the manager. So one day I'm putting product out but there's no space. I have to rearrange the wall. I was a supervisor at the time so I just gave myself permission. She then changed it to where no one could rearrange the wall without asking for her permission.
Another thing she does that triggers me is that she is not clear with her instructions. In a team meeting she said that people were cleaning too slowly so I sped up how I cleaned. Then things weren't being cleaned well enough (like no shit, cleaning is either going to be cleaned fast OR thoroughly. Not both) and that caused a bit of a melt down for me (not in the meeting).
And in the meeting Boss was like "sorry I'm triggering memories of a friend" and I was just like, she wasn't a friend. Like, yes, in the group dynamic it reminds me of childhood bullying. But her on her own, of these things I've just listed.
The person and memories she is triggering is of Ms. A. Ms. A is the reason I look people in the eye and the reason I don't visibly stim. She forced me to look people in the eyes, she forced me to be still. Good kids are neither seen nor heard. I couldn't be visibly autistic. And I don't feel like I can be autistic with Boss. Ms. A forced me to clean her house and look after the younger kids. Boss makes me feel like I have to do more than I'm able to, regardless of my disability and she gives "reasonable accommodations". Ms. A gave no privacy. Boss said she's always watching. Ms. A always said we were family when we weren't, she was our "caregiver", she was paid to take care of us but she didn't. Boss called the team meetings "family dinner" but we're not family. I have a hard time thinking we're all friends. Boss tried to say we're a communist party when she can't even give me the accommodations I need, feels like she's trying to use what she knows about me as a way to get me to comply. Ms. A is the reason I don't like talking about the things I like with people because she used it against me as a form of control. She groomed me (and the other kids) for her father.
So that's why I can't really talk to her directly about this. Like how do you tell someone, "hey your behavior reminds me of my groomer"? And why I couldn't properly vent this out here in case she is seeing my posts. If I'm not paranoid about that... I hope she heeded my warning and didn't read this.
Like, I don't think Boss is grooming me to be sexually assaulted. But it sure does feel like she's grooming me to be a good little employee for corporate. Do as I say no questions asked. No transparency, keeping people out of the loop.
Honestly if I'm not being paranoid and she is following me here that's another trigger that reminds me of my groomer. No privacy.
Like I miss my old manager. When I was promoted I was uncomfortable with the position because I don't like being in a position of power over people but she told me it wasn't a position of power, it was a position of responsibility. And I vibe hard with that. But current Boss. She does not take the same approach. I can't work for her. I need to get out of there. She will never not trigger me as long as I'm working under her.
I also remember a time where Boss and Friend and I were supposed to hang out but I had to cancel because my cat died. I was of course really sad that my cat died, but there was a part of me that was relieved I didn't have to hang out with them because I really felt (and feel) uncomfortable around Boss. Like that's how bad I am doing with all of this. Although I do think I'm doing pretty well at work considering everything I'm going through.
And the possibility of Boss following me on here is why I'm not talking about my latest mental health issue and what I think it is. Because she's not a safe person for me to be autistic around. She is definitely not a safe person for me to be that kind of mentally ill around, especially if I'm working for her.
Like I get its been hard for people to deal with me while I've been in neurocognitive decline (honestly it started once we were bought out). It's not just her that is the issue. I know I'm part of the issue too. But I can't work for her.
I don't want to talk about this at work because there is no space and time to properly communicate this without it seeming like I'm gossiping. And I don't want to turn anyone against her. I don't want to take her community away from her. She needs them. I don't. I have friends.
I am honestly overwhelmed by how many friends I have. I do think I needed to experience this and am kinda grateful for this experience. It really reminded me of who my friends are and which relationships I need to work on. Kinda thinking about having a picnic with friends when I'm not working here anymore and feeling a bit better.
I also know I can be a heavy person because I focus so much on my depression and how much I don't want to be alive. And people don't want to focus on that, they don't want me to focus on that. But I need to. I need to problem solve. I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way. So I can change and grow. Can't do that if I'm ignoring the problem.
But anyways, yea, whether I'm paranoid or not, I can't work here. Either way, the situation is not great. No real accommodations and my neurocognitive decline is not taken seriously.
I feel like writing this up here has already helped me process this a bit and hopefully I can work on it more with this week off. I'm sure there are things that I'm forgetting but this is already really long.
#idle posting#this is really long#hopefully all the links work#some people say things better than i can so hopefully it helps people understand#work shit
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Genichiro Not Quite Headcanons But Close; plus a bit of the Fountainhead Palace
For the longest time I was convinced Genichiro’s bow was super glued to his back. Turns out I’m blind af and didn’t notice the cord wrapped around him to keep it there.
It’s even there both wearing his armor and not. Honestly I was just impressed that he even managed to get it to stay by sheer will. I also didn’t see his forehead scar and thought that was something people were making up but no, I just overlooked it completely bc his arms were much more fascinating to me. (His armor was really pretty too. Especially the cape, I loved the embroidery around it and kept getting distracted.)
To me his arms look quite small compared to the rest of his body, especially since he is trained in several different combat styles. It looks almost like large chunks of muscle have been burnt off by the lightning he uses. I don’t imagine he can feel much of his arms besides the pressure from the scars themselves, (which to my small amount of research is what severe burn scars feel like), though the pressure can get worse to a point where it feels constricting and painful. He probably doesn’t have very good function of them either, at least not for very fine motor functions and it probably takes a lot of effort and thought to get his arms to cooperate. Which I can imagine leads to a lot of frustration and an overall more snappy temper. No one likes the feeling of being inadequate or useless.
I don’t think Tomoe or any other of the Okami Warriors would have this problem because their extremities aren’t blackened like his. There’s something about the Okami Warriors that makes it to where they don’t get burn scars, probably due to being somewhat connected to the ‘big tree’ that I forgot the name of and just being connected to the Fountainhead Palace in general.
Also I don’t believe their skin was always blue or their faces were always sucked in like hyper dried raisins, it’s probably something to due with the ‘essence’, or whatever it’s called that the nobles started to crave. Maybe the nobles took the youth from them after Lord Takeru left and Priestess Yao was corrupted and couldn’t stop them/sway them from the heresy of it or find it in her to care as the centipede vibed with her spinal cords.
Fountainhead Palace Headcanons (plus Takeru and Tomoe)
The Okami Warriors are born from the water, like some type of bootleg jesus baby. Explaining the description of Tomoe’s eyes. They are amazing swimmers and can stay underwater for hours, though they cannot breathe underwater. Just big, strong lungs.
Eel liver is a common dish and anyone outside of the palace can barely stomach the slimy texture. Genichiro can eat it without an issue, mostly, Tomoe was overjoyed her student ate something from her homeland while Takeru still gagged. And Wolf… That boy ate raw rice. The amount of fucks that man gives is none. Wolf will eat anything that doesn’t eat him first, cooked or not, it is going to be eaten.
Cuju games/tournaments were very common before the place fell apart.
The Okami Warriors once had an oath to always protect youth, especially kids. This is influenced by that lady calling Wolf a ‘young man’ and saying the nobles craved his youth, putting a darker turn onto the palace as a whole.
Maybe when Lord Takeru left the palace with Tomoe, the waters of the place shifted once its balance was removed and flooded. Causing all the damage seen.
Priestess Yao (Corrupted Monk) and Takeru were close friends, basically siblings. I imagine Takeru wearing a string of red prayer beads ever since I saw a fanart of him, making me believe he was part of a temple as well. A monk or maybe a priest himself, the closest to the divine dragon. He was probably well respected at the palace.
Takeru heard rumors about the palace nobles and their want for youth or whatever it was that they craved and fled, Tomoe went with him as his guard. Yao had to stop them, severely injuring Tomoe and this is where she becomes sworn to Takeru’s immortal oath if she wasn’t already. Takeru can clearly see Yao is not herself and does the only thing a non-combatant that’s immortal can do, jump the fuck off the bridge and into valley below. Leaving Yao waiting for them to return and never leaving her post due to centipede messing with her brain.
Personally, I see Takeru and Tomoe’s relationship as lovers. I don’t really have a reason why but it fits, until we probably won’t get more lore and my opinion will be swayed. But for now, lovers.
Takeru is soft spoken, his voice is gentle and quiet while Tomoe is the opposite. Loud, brash and unwaveringly confident but not enough so to underestimate someone due to an ego/pride.
Takeru probably reads a lot and had a garden of some type in Ashina Castle, featuring both flowers and regular food.
Tomoe wears her hair in a braid. Like Youngest Owl’s is in terms of neatness and thickness. She’s probably left handed too because of how Genichiro shoots his bow, and you usually shoot with your dominant hand unless your teacher is left handed then you will learn that way or be able to shoot with both left and right as your dominant.
#sekiro#sekiro shadows die twice#headcanons#I really love the series and there’s so many stories I want to write#this is really long#genichiro ashina#Lady Tomoe#Fountainhead Palace#Tomoe would have adored Wolf#I still can’t believe he ate raw rice tho#I thought it was cooked#which is probably stupider now that I think about it
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi sweet Jada! Could I ask: 🌹💔, for the ask game?
Hi sweet April!
🌹 Which of your ocs has the healthiest relationships?
I answered this once, but I’ll dive into it more here. Kamaria has exactly one healthy relationship in her life, and that’s Bruno. He treats her like a queen, which blows her away, and they have a very mutual understanding of the things each other has gone through. They take care of each other. They both have ptsd, they both get nightmares and panic attacks and other trauma responses, and they always have each other’s backs through those moments, no matter what.
The Querencia team have great relationships, too, in a platonic, found family way. Quinn and Nari, in particular, have been friends the longest, and are basically like siblings. Alex and Jamil are best friends and get into mischief together. Quinn keeps everyone on task and makes sure they all have what they need physically. Nari, while frequently getting into playful tiffs with Alex and teasing her fellow teammates mercilessly, makes sure they’re taken care of mentally and emotionally. Jamil is great for emotional support, as well, taking on the tough conversations, while Alex supports in ways like cheering people up and distracting them from their problems.
💔 Which of your ocs has the least healthy relationships?
Ohhh boy. Lol. That’s gonna be a competition like some of the others, so prepare for some rambling!
Quinn, Jamil, and Alex get passes on this one haha.
Nari doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents or her younger sister at all. She cut contact with them when she left Korea for college in the US.
Liliana thought she had a good relationship with her family, but of course they proved her wrong when they turned her in. They’d never actually been the greatest parents, not showing a lot of affection and pretty judgmental about everything, but she didn’t really realize that any of it should have been an issue because it was what she was used to. Her current relationships with the team aren’t yet healthy, but only because she doesn’t know how to accept their friendship as it is (and, you know, the whole thing where she’s allowing them to hurt her without them knowing because she thinks that’s all she’s good for).
Cadence has decently good relationships with her friends/housemates, but I didn’t put her on the good list because she is taking it upon herself to keep them safe by allowing herself to be tortured instead of trusting them to help her.
Adelaide currently has no good relationships. She got along decently with her parents, even after they married her off to Charles, but she’s left them behind now and has no plans of ever being in contact with them again. Then of course there’s Charles himself, and the Captain, and the rest of the pirates. Her only halfway decent relationship is with Marshall, and well…he takes care of her when she’s hurt, but he’ll also help hurt her if he’s given the order, to save his own skin.
Until Bruno, Kamaria hadn’t had a good relationship since her mom and the rest of her family and friends were killed. Along with Siren, she definitely has some of the very worst people in her life. They exploit her for their gain while treating her like trash in multiple ways.
And that’s what happens to Siren, too. The difference for Siren is, she doesn’t remember any good relationships before those, so she has no idea what one would even look like. She does, eventually, in various universes, get rescued by various people who will teach her what a good relationship is, but it’ll take her a very long time to get there.
#I’m sorry that I feel the need to talk through all of my options before coming upon an answer#this is really long#I just love talking about all my babies#ask response#thanks april!!#whumpopology#quinn the leader#nari the hero#alex the hero#jamil the hero#liliana the healer#kamaria the assassin#siren the weapon#cadence the whumpee#adelaide the pirate
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Expertise can't help you here.
#dungeon meshi#kabru#laios touden#falin touden#Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have!#I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play.#I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks.#Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere.#Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios.#The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*.#This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those.#Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human.#Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her.#She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist.#The damsel was the dragon all along!#...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.
26K notes
·
View notes
Text
My father was martyred by Israel on 10 October 2023 after sacrificing his care in hospital so the injured children could take priority. Today would have been his 60th birthday. He was always selfless, kind, and giving for others. My father gave up everything for me to be able to have a better life, because that is what he always dreamed for me and my sister. The world suffered a great loss when he died, and my heart is always with him and every Palestinian who has lost someone.
In his honour and memory, I would love for anyone who is able to do so to consider donating to The Palestine Children’s Relief Fund.
The PCRF is an amazing organisation that does so much for those in Gaza right now, including helping provide food, water and medicine. You can donate any amount you are able to- there is no minimum! My father would have given his very last cent if he saw the way Palestine was continuing to suffer after over 100 days with this limited aid, so I know celebrating him by helping others is the least he would have wanted.
I saw @parrot-parent do a very successful donation match and I thought it was such a good idea so I will also match all donations up to $500! If you feel comfortable sending me proof of the amount of your donation, I will match it as a donation at the end of February. (My messages are set to mutuals only, but if you donate and we aren’t mutuals if you send an ask with the proof I will make sure to answer it privately.)
#can you tell my baby pictures with him are my favourite 🙂#sorry this is so long and emotional I just knew I wanted to do something in celebration of his birthday#and he really was the most selfless person so helping others through his memory is a perfect way to do so#if no one sends me their proof of donations I will just donate $500 at the end of the month 👍#🦢
26K notes
·
View notes
Note
Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?
I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?
In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".
Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.
This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.
Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.
The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.
[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]
There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.
This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.
[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]
As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.
But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?
Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.
#transgender#trans history#transsexual#transphobia#Magnus Hirschfeld#holocaust#holocaust denial#book burning#j.k. rowling#jk rowling#just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :)#trans people have always existed#and we will always exist#if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit#queer history#queer#lgbt+#lgbta+#lgbt#lgbt history#edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month#also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it#it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs#and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had#also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2#Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices#considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived
16K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
rocasdelcauca
Trabajos especiales en piedra en Bogotá/Colombia.
mysticbxrn
mystic born.
mysticbxrn
mystic born.
richflores13
Untitled
dmnfox
DMNfox