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#but for now I just want to feel less guilty
luveline · 18 hours
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there’s this scene in the office where pam falls asleep on jim during a conference at work, he doesn’t move her at all and even stays until after the meeting is over just to let her sleep!!! do u think u could write something similar for our annoyingly sweet coworker! james?? love u
love u <3 —James may not like you, but he’s a good pillow. fem, 1k
“Today we’re gonna talk about workplace satisfaction.” 
James crosses his arms over his chest. The yawn he suppresses threatens to make his jaw crack, his eyes heavy not a minute into the presentation. 
“I know all about that,” Sirius says under his breath. 
Remus needles him in the arm with his elbow. It might’ve been the best dumb luck in the world to get to work with his best friends, but not even their joking can make this meeting less mind-numbing. He covers his mouth with his hand and settles in. 
“We sent around a survey this last week and we’ve had everyone’s responses. The results are anonymous, but we do want to touch on where we, as a company, are going wrong. Our first category was day to day working.” 
You yawn. James turns his head to watch you, and with the lights dimmed, he’s not sure you notice. You cover your mouth with both hands, your eyes failing to reopen for a few long, admittedly humorous seconds. He likes how your lashes look stuck together, and the way you rub your nose afterward. It’s cute. 
What’s not cute is your shaking knees. You press them together, but you’re sitting awkwardly, and they tremble at the strange position. James wonders what it is you’re upto that’s making you so tired lately. You seem down; he stapled his fingertip earlier in a crazy mishap of which he was at no fault and you didn’t even laugh. You took his hand and pulled out the staple. 
You’ve been acting super weird. 
“So about half of you expressed that you feel like you aren’t allowed the breaks that you need. While it’s encouraged you all take a ten minute break from your screens every other hour, you feel penalised when you do, and we want to change that. Do any of you guys have anything to say? This is the time to speak your thoughts.” 
Remus raises his hand. James loves him more than anyone in the world. “Whenever I try to take a break around lunchtime, you ask me if I can wait until lunch. I don’t think needing breaks from the screen should wait, or detract from my legal break time.” 
“What we’re trying to do is encourage you guys to make the most of your working time without hurting yourselves.” 
A great non answer. You make a soft sound and James turns with a smile, expecting to find you smothering a laugh, and instead seeing a great eyeful of your neck. Your head has fallen back, your back slouching under the weight of yourself as your leg begins to drift toward his. 
Poor girl, he thinks. 
“What about the kitchen tap?” someone asks. 
Your boss sighs. “What about it?” 
James leans down to be your height. He can imagine the neck ache, the stiffness, and so when he brings his arm up to touch the shoulder closest to his, it’s with sympathy, if not fondness. 
You make another soft sound like a snuffle and rest your face on his shoulder.
James looks away. Looks back, tracing the soft roundness of your forehead, your nose, your cheeks and your lips, pouting ever so slightly in your dozing. He’s thought often that you were awarded a face too sweet for who you are. What evil demon are you, to treat him like he’s stupid and to smile at him in your way? Sometimes he gets so mad at you for it that he thinks about grabbing you, and yanking your face to his, and then he feels so guilty for wanting to grab you at all that he leaves your mug where it is in the cupboard. It’s not nice to want to kiss you with any sort of force. 
It’s not nice wanting to kiss you at all, because it isn’t a joke, he really doesn’t like you sometimes. 
But what’s not to like about you now? 
Lately he feels this weird bridge forming between you, like you could be civil, or better. You rub your nose into his shoulder and he holds his breath, worried his moving chest will jolt you. Something must be really getting to you if you’re sleeping at work. He should ask if you’re alright, when you’re awake. 
He doesn’t think he can. 
“Alright, guys. Let’s talk about customer service.” 
You’re demure. James thinks it and bites his own tongue, hard and accidental, flinching at the sudden pain. You mumble against him and he quickly stills, his heart pounding. Fuck, he hates this. Why does he feel like this? He didn’t mean to jostle you. 
Your hand curls around his arm like you’re telling him to stay still. 
He should take a photo of you for blackmail purposes. If not blackmail, mild humiliation. He can email it to everyone before you wake up, zoom in on your nose pressed rough to his arms, your deep exhales warm on his shirt. 
James rubs your elbow for reasons he can’t understand.
The meeting is torturously long, inanely boring. You rouse when your coworkers clap politely at the end of the presentation, James’ hand now returned to his leg. He looks resolutely at the front of the room, your gaze a heat on his cheek, before you look down and rub your eyes. 
“Sorry, James,” you murmur. 
“It’s okay. Don’t mention it.” 
That’s what’s best, right? You have these insane moments of togetherness and never, ever talk about them. 
“Did I miss much?” you ask. 
Pillow and minute keeper? James doesn’t think so. “Should’ve paid attention.” 
“Did he talk about the tap in the kitchen?” 
“If you were meant to know, you’d know, hm?” You yawn and blink to yourself all soft with sleep, and James debates giving in for longer than he’d care to admit. “He did talk about the tap,” he says. 
“Is he fixing it?” you ask. 
“Couldn’t hear him over your snoring, sorry.”
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trans-androgyne · 1 day
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For men having a rough time right now, my friends and I have put together a couple reminders:
1) You are not a monster. Nothing in your nature predisposes you towards violence. Your presence does not harm others and there are people who love having you in their space. Yes including around women. Yes including around children. You are not inherently dangerous, you are a person just like everyone else. Your body is not a weapon.
2) You don’t have anything to prove. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to serve and protect others if you don’t want to. Even women. You don’t deserve to be treated as a punching bag for others’ anger or trauma at the hands of the patriarchy, and it’s not okay for them to take it out on you. You deserve to be protected too.
3) Your emotions matter. All of your emotions. Your anger isn’t dangerous. You can be sad and hurt and jealous and guilty and a million other things and express them in whatever way you need, all without being less of a man or more of a threat. Women’s needs and emotions are equal to yours, not more important. You’re allowed to talk about sexism and other issues you experience as a man—it doesn’t make you anti-feminist and it sure as hell doesn’t make you weak. Being mistreated can hurt, and you can let yourself feel and process it.
4) Manhood can be wonderful—make it your own. You don’t have to be masculine if you don’t want to. You can present and act however femininely you want without being any less of a man. You can also be the most masculine person alive. Masculinity is not toxic by itself. Being masculine does not make you toxic. Being a man does not make you toxic. Nothing about you is inherently toxic. Your attraction is not immoral and being attracted to you isn’t either. Manhood is not a contagion. Be whatever kind of man you want to be, it is completely up to you.
There are people who love and care about you. I care about you deeply and as an intersectional trans feminist I will advocate for you until my last breath. This goes for every single man alive. Cis men, trans men, intersex men, multigender men, straight men, queer men, White men, men of color, disabled men, and more; every single one of you. You deserve care. Let us care for you.
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a-grayscale · 3 days
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Okay hear me out on this one, you know how during your run ins with the bishops during Crusades and such during the game they all seem relatively okay despite their injuries? (Relatively as in they’re definitely not actually okay, but they can still function just fine) Is it just me, or is that relative okayness most definitely because the crowns helped hold them together?
Like, the most obvious example of this I can think of would be Heket being able to speak during our encounters with her despite not having her throat. I feel like it’s pretty obviously the case there, right? The crown is allowing her to speak through it. I think that the other crowns allowed the bishops to function with their injuries by sorta holding them all together in godhood, yeah? We on the same page there?
Okay, hear me out. Narinder has serious, possibly chronic pain in his arms and probably also legs.
I mean, the guy was chained in place for a thousand years, there’s no way that’s not painful. More on that, considering we don’t know exactly HOW MUCH leeway those chains had(it’s obviously not a lot, but we don’t know if there was any at all or if it was one or two possible positions ever for 1000 years) there’s a good chance his bones and muscles and the ligaments and everything weakened over time to the point of being really fragile and brittle. We don’t know if he always had skeletal arms, maybe that was a symptom?
What does this have to do with the crowns holding the bishops injuries together? Well, what if the reason he didn’t move a whole lot during the boss battle was because he didn’t have his crown and thus, was in a lot of pain? I mean, we’ve all seen the boss battle, the dude hits hard but it’s almost always with chains or fire, or summoning enemies while he floats around. What if that’s because he hurt too much to move any more?
I think that’d add a really interesting dynamic between him and his desire for the crown, as well as his dynamic with the cult as a whole. A big reason he might want the crown back is because it helped dull the pain it’s bearer felt, just as the other crowns did to keep their respective bearers from falling apart.
I think it’d affect his dynamic and relationships within the cult because, like the other bishops post indoctrination, he wouldn’t have the luxury of a magic crown that helped with the pain. I’m not too familiar with chronic pain, but from what I’ve heard and seen and been told, it fucking sucks. I can’t imagine Narinder’s being any less sucky, at least not for a long long LOOOONG time. And when I say long time, I mean LOOONG TIME.
I think it’d also affect his relationships with say, the other bishops for example. Not to say that everything about them isn’t an absolute MESS already, cause it absolutely is, but I think they’d all feel at least a little guilty about the injuries they caused each other, even if they don’t admit it aloud. I mean, I’m no emotional undertones expert, but some of the dialogue leads me to believe they still at least CARE about each other somewhat as family. (Mostly mean Shamura’s dialogue during their bishop encounters, Narinder’s dialogue when receiving the silk from silk cradle, and Leshy’s line still calling Narinder his brother when asking the Lamb to retrieve his eye) Again, I’m no expert on feelings so I might be wrong here, but if you care about someone who you see is hurting, hurting BECAUSE OF YOU… I mean, even if it was self defense I’d still feel pretty fucking guilty personally, so there’s a good chance they’d probably feel the same.
I also think this pain Narinder has could affect his relationship with the Lamb(regardless of if you ship them or not, I do personally but you do you boo <3) I mean, they ARE still the leader of the flock. Narinder is now part of said flock. So he really is their responsibility. I feel like it would be a learning curve for both of them to at least SOME degree. Narinder hasn’t been without a crown that can dull the sense of pain until now so he probably doesn’t know wtf to do, and while The Lamb might have more experience from helping their followers who could also have had chronic issues, they’d still be pretty in the dark about it. I think it’d be a rough but necessary road for them both to cross in order to understand and help Narinder.
But this is all just head canon talk, so it might not matter. Idk but I hope it was interesting at least, or that it helped form some lovely little brainworms! Goodbyyyeeeee-
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male-fictioner · 3 days
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I Want You Back
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Pairing: Yandere ex-bf Zac Efron x male reader
Category: Yandere
Warnings: stalking, possessive behavior, spying, manipulation, that's it ig
Word Count: 1.1k +
A/n: I had this sitting in my drafts for the longest of times, I finally had to write it. I'm not very good at writing yandere content, as I never have written in before. But I hope you like it.
You had met Zac a long time ago through some mutual friend. At that time you didn't know how things would end up. You and Zac quickly became friends and very close and soon you realised that you might have found someone you love. 
When Zac asked you out you couldn't have been happier. You were over the moon and had a perfect date. This was 4 years ago and within a while, you had made it official with each other. 
The relationship had been great for all the while you two dated. You did not have any complaints and he treated you like a prince and showered you with all the love and gifts. This is why he was so surprised when you broke up with him almost six months ago. 
That decision came when you felt very restricted and tired in the relationship. Don't get me wrong Zac is amazing but you needed to just be alone for a while and he didn't understand that.
Over the last few months, you felt guilty about breaking up with Zac after how well he treated you and loved you. And also because it seemed like the universe wanted you to get back together too. 
Everywhere you would go, you would be forced to remember Zac. Like when you saw this cute teddy bear near the stairs of your apartment complex. It was exactly like the one Zac had won for you at the Arcade for one of your dates. The resemblance was uncanny and made you wonder if it was that very same one. At first you thought maybe it's the effect of breaking up a relationship that lasted 4 years but after a while rather than missing him less, you started missing him more.
Every now and then, you were made to revisit a sweet memory you shared with Zac. This made you reconsider your decision. Made you doubt yourself. Made you think whether breaking up with Zac was the right thing to do. Did you make a huge mistake? Will Zac take you back?
You still weren't sure if you wanted to get back with him. So you ended up deciding to find a quick and easy rebound. Maybe this would help you move on.
Finding a rebound was not difficult at all. Guys nowadays want a quick and NSA fuck mostly. So you hooked up with a good looking guy you found on Grindr. 
This guy was so nice and sex with him was also amazing. After Zac you really hadn't been much physically or emotionally available for anyone and this was a welcome change in your life.
After you guys hooked up, this man asked you if you wanted to go out sometime. You really liked him so you agreed for the date. 
You and him texted back and forth for a couple of days. After careful consideration for both your schedules, you decided on a date, which was a week later. 
Imagine your shock when you showed up to the venue that was discussed, after dressing up nice and sexy, the man did not show up. Not only that, he did not respond to any of your texts, or pick up your call. After waiting almost an hour, you concluded that you had been ghosted. 
Feeling sad due to you getting stood up, you started going back home dejected. And you were standing face to face with the last person you had expected to see. 
“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Zac asked, feigning surprise.
“I could ask you the same thing,” you quipped not wanting to admit you were almost on a date.
“Well I was just passing by. But you look really nice. Very handsome. So naturally I'm curious.” He raised his arms to show that he did not mean to grill me or something. 
“I had a date, but he stood me up.” You admitted rather sheepishly remembering how Zac never made you wait. 
“He must be a fool to miss out on a date with you. I would give anything for that opportunity.” He replied earnestly. 
Seeing him and listening to his words made you feel more guilty. “I missed you,” you whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. All your thoughts and strength went away after realising how much you had missed your ex boyfriend after the break up.
“I miss you all the time,” he confessed. This made your heart melt a little. “Did you have dinner?” 
You just shook your head to indicate ‘no’. 
“Would you like to have dinner with me?” Zac asked, hopeful that you would say yes.
You just replied, “It's a date,” and dragged him along to the closest restaurant.
Over dinner, you discussed everything, including your reason for leaving him. Zac promised to make an effort to better understand your feelings and wants. You promised to let him know if it got too much so he can dial down a little. And with the help of clear and truthful communication, you both got back together.
Well truthful communication on your side at least. Because Zac had been keeping a secret from you that he was sure he would take it to his grave.
The secret was regarding how he got you. All those coincidences that led to this serendipitous moment, were no work of fate at all. They were all in the plot of the mastermind Zac Efron. 
You finding the teddy bear that looked exactly like the one you had from the arcade was because Zac kept it there. He had to go all around the town to find that exact teddy. He had memorised your schedule and positioned the teddy bear exactly in a place where you would spot him right away at the perfect time when you would be coming home from work. He also knew that you wouldn't be able to abandon such a cute teddy bear, you just would take it home with you. And what you could never know is that this seemingly harmless teddy bear was fitted with a camera and microphone by which Zac had been able to keep an eye on his darling and make sure he is safe. And if he needed to beat anyone up if you brought them home with you (which you didn't, making Zac believe that you still love him). 
The fact that he could jerk off to your naked body was just an added benefit. He could see all your actions and he did not believe it to be wrong because he was just taking care of you. 
Every time you would see something related to Zac, it was because he had planned it that way. And he was glad he did because he finally got to have you back.
Now that he had you, he planned to never let you go away from him. No matter how far he had to go.
Your feedback and comments are highly appreciated. Also my requests are open!!
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wanderingmind867 · 4 months
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This time, my Insecurity is seriously flared up. Answer me this, please: Am I a bad son? Because I have a severe dependency on my dad, and yet I've hidden things from him. Namely (and most relevant for right now) I've hidden all my posts here from him. He knows I have this account, he just doesn't know I've written nearly 10,000 posts. I created this account in like 2021 or so. I didn't use it for a few months, and then I did. But a few months after I started posting, my mom begins dying. It's been a year or two since then, of course. But I'm now overthinking and arguing philosophy. Am I a bad person for never telling my dad? I mean, it's not like I've said where I live. Actually, not true. I accidentally did once or twice. But I've never shown my face or said precisely where I live. I knew that much. Still, I feel like I'm in too deep to tell him without feeling shame and embarrassment now. So I don't know when I'll be able to do it. I don't know. All I know for now is that I need to know I'm not bad for this. This is a pretty minor secret, right? It's not like I hid a drug problem or something from him.
I tell him my dad about absolutely everything (except this blog and my sexuality stuff). I'm severely dependent on him, since he's my only friend and stuff. So now I feel guilty. So please, put me at ease. I'm not awful for this. Am I? This is the most serious secret I've ever kept from him, so that's why I feel bad. But this is a pretty minor thing to keep hidden, right? right? It's not like it's something criminal. So it's okay. I'm not a monster. I'm not a horrible person. Sigh...
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ganondoodle · 1 year
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a wild assortement of comic wip screenshots and a random doodle that i posted to twitter but not here
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(this doodle here is of Raal (aka demise before he became a deity) but whatever happens here isnt anything 'canon', i just randomly doodled him to try a loosen up my painting style bc when i work on the comic i tend to concentrate too much of rendering it perfectly and i dont like that)
#ganondoodles#doodles#art#i am so very tired#too tired for tags#btw i do love and read every ask i get but damn i just dont have the energy to reply to most#and i feel so guilty#i wish i could make a warning show up when someone wants to send me an ask#that just says -yo i love and cherish and reread all asks but unfortunately have zero energy to reply but chances are it made me cry-#given the asks isnt mean spirited or straight up bots#which my impsoter brain sometimes still tries to make me think#like either woo look at all those people LYING to your face#but i have grown alot since those days and now its mostly just#so look what a nice and lovely absolutely beautiful ask this person send you and you disrespectful fool are not answering it shame upon you#thats most likely why i have been getting less and less and man i feel so bad#like when its asks about drawing advice i either dont know what to say bc i dont have any idea what im doing eihter#or bc i plan a giant response with a big ass illustrated tutorial even tho i know i neither got the time or energy for it#but still cant answer then bc wait you wanted to make a tutorial you cant answer it just like that#and when its a super nice compliment about my art i just#dont know how to express my gratitude and silently reread it time and time again never answering it bc then it would be gone from the inbox#;__;#alright falling asleep brain better not have written sth i will regret reading tomorrow#i think this is the longest tags i put on a completely unrelated post of mine#if you have read all these tags send me an ask only containing the name of your fav fruit and i will make you a little pixel sprite of it
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puppyeared · 4 months
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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puzzledemigod · 8 months
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So let me get this right
Edgeworth had a quarter of life crisis, went to Europe to find himself, realised Phoenix gave his life meaning, and came back ready to confess.
Meanwhile Phoenix, who used to openly admire, be worried about and even give excuses to Edgeworth even when he was kinda mean, was so personally offended by how much it hurt him to think he was dead that when he came back Phoenix completely shut down every good emotion he felt towards him and started acting like a petty teenager with a grudge.
And now Edgeworth is the one reaching out and questioning his morality and acting hurt when Phoenix is mean to him. Interesting.
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crownrots · 22 days
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#oc txt.#c: hattie#c: mary ellen#hattie being able to make it back to her own vault just in time to be with her mom in her final moments is 🤕#she’s not the overconfident self assured put together person she was when she left however long ago it was#and her mother isn’t the hyper independent stoic emotionally constipated woman that didn’t even hug her before she left#her mother really did believe that this colony that had supposedly been growing since she was a girl WAS her kids’ only hope at a future#they knew for years that the vault was running out of supplies and falling apart#she was getting older and really didn’t think a future above ground was for her or her husband or the other adults that had grown up there#it was for their kids.#bc the vault wasn’t going to be able to sustain them for much longer#it’s why she pushed her kids so hard and pushed them away even harder#bc it made sending them into that world ‘easier’#she wouldn’t miss them as much and they wouldn’t miss her#sending her twins up there (her first borns) years prior was HELL#and she dreaded the day hattie was old enough to be thrust out there and even debated whether or not she’d even go through with it#so seeing her now … especially in the state hattie is in when she returns#she feels guilty but at the same time proud? because despite it she knows hattie had and HAS what it takes to survive up there#and seeing tj??? she doesn’t know if the twins made it to the colony or whether the colony was even real operating ect ect#so she’d never get to see them with her grandkids if they had any#she at least gets a slice of what could have been if things were different#it’s good that hattie gets to tell her truth of everything#it’s good that hattie gets to reconcile and be the last thing she sees before she passes#it’s all mary ellen ever wanted … to see her girls again#and in her mind if hattie made it … then she knows the other two did too#and i think for hattie she was just on the cusp of giving up and throwing in the towel#but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be#and i think by now she’d be searching for them less for herself and more for her parents#the least she can do is find out if their sacrifices (and the sacrifices of everyone else) were warranted
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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...
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kazieka · 2 months
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chronic pain thots in the tags
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junkdyke · 6 months
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while i was on the phone with my ex, a lot of what she told me re-confirmed the fact that i'm a damn fucking good partner and lover. Like, i'll absolutely let myself have that, especially when i reflect upon the shit i did for people who never would do the same for me. Who I shared love and energy with that never appreciated or reciprocated it, but would go on to give that to others. More and more I learn how to protect my energy, but I've also gotten better at protecting my love and light cause not every fucking person deserves me and what I'm able to give.
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ranvwoop · 6 months
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I've seen a few things primarily citing alloros people as the reason for like. romantic / sibling dichotomy but i am going to be honest. being aro does not absolve you of benefitting from thinking more critically about your own amatonormativity and prioritization of the nuclear family
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the-unknown-void · 6 months
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Sooo I married Elliot yesterday then today realized I have commitment issues and anxiety even around the thoughts and feelings of FICTIONAL characters so I un-married him.. not divorced! Un-married. I've been continuously backing up my save for reasons like these so I just went back to the save before I proposed to him n yeah.. (I didn't really accomplish much anyway cuz I was too distracted by being married)
Sorry Ellie.
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yepthatsacowalright · 4 months
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I really appreciated the video Julien Solomita posted recently (an edited part of one of his Twitch streams) where he talked about online creators leaving the public eye. Specifically these bits really struck me: "I think it's hard for some people to imagine what a person goes through with years kind of compounded of doing something like that in such a public way. You see a little bit of it, right? Like you see videos, and you see posts, and you see some appearances and it's the tip of the iceberg, but not only are you not seeing the other things that happen that make that machine run and that make it all possible, but...you also aren't experiencing the toll that someone has to pay." "There's always a cost... I think what people are starting to realize when they see creators leave is what that cost looks like. For different people it is a different cost...but there's like...an overarching similarity with that cost. There's like a common denominator, which is like it's kind of part of your soul. You're kind of giving a part of yourself to make yourself available in content for the world, and after doing that for a long time it can sometimes, I think, feel like you've forgotten what it feels like to just be a person." It reminded me of a lot of things currently on my mind, including the post John Green made a while ago about what he gained and what he lost as a successful author and YouTuber. More and more I feel like the creative people I admire most all end up feeling this way, and it has me so conflicted and stuck. I used to think what would ultimately hold me back creatively would be fears that I'm not good enough, or that no one would care what I have to say or share, but that's not it. I mean, those are worries, sure, but they aren't enough to stop me. No, what stops me is wondering if I am good enough. If people would care about what I say or share. Because then I would have to pay that toll. Something equal to what I gained would be taken from me, and I would never be able to undo it. I would never stop being The Person Who Did That. I will have no choice but to live with all positives and negatives that unfurl as a result. I would have to continue to do it to maintain the income and the success. Parts of me would not be mine anymore, and what happens to them out in the world would be out of my control forever after. There's something much more terrifying and haunting in that potential outcome. I just still deeply do not know how to reconcile the desire to make a creative, meaningful impact on the world, and the desire to protect what matters to me. It doesn't feel like these should be the only two options. I wish there were more.
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daz4i · 5 months
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you ever have like "i should try to kill myself/get hospitalized/do some other serious thing to myself so people will start taking my mental illnesses seriously" moods even though no one is taking it unseriously in any way or smth. or am i the weird one again
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