#and i feel so guilty | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ganondoodle · 1 year

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a wild assortement of comic wip screenshots and a random doodle that i posted to twitter but not here

(this doodle here is of Raal (aka demise before he became a deity) but whatever happens here isnt anything 'canon', i just randomly doodled him to try a loosen up my painting style bc when i work on the comic i tend to concentrate too much of rendering it perfectly and i dont like that)

#ganondoodles #doodles #art #i am so very tired #too tired for tags #btw i do love and read every ask i get but damn i just dont have the energy to reply to most #and i feel so guilty #i wish i could make a warning show up when someone wants to send me an ask #that just says -yo i love and cherish and reread all asks but unfortunately have zero energy to reply but chances are it made me cry-#given the asks isnt mean spirited or straight up bots #which my impsoter brain sometimes still tries to make me think #like either woo look at all those people LYING to your face #but i have grown alot since those days and now its mostly just #so look what a nice and lovely absolutely beautiful ask this person send you and you disrespectful fool are not answering it shame upon you #thats most likely why i have been getting less and less and man i feel so bad #like when its asks about drawing advice i either dont know what to say bc i dont have any idea what im doing eihter #or bc i plan a giant response with a big ass illustrated tutorial even tho i know i neither got the time or energy for it #but still cant answer then bc wait you wanted to make a tutorial you cant answer it just like that #and when its a super nice compliment about my art i just #dont know how to express my gratitude and silently reread it time and time again never answering it bc then it would be gone from the inbox #;__;#alright falling asleep brain better not have written sth i will regret reading tomorrow #i think this is the longest tags i put on a completely unrelated post of mine #if you have read all these tags send me an ask only containing the name of your fav fruit and i will make you a little pixel sprite of it

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soul-spoken · 11 days

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I vent or breakdown so often, I know I get told it's fine and talk when I need to but geez it feels so excessive, like I'm overly sensitive or just really really easily triggered over things that shouldn't even relate to my trauma

We come to solutions or we distract from it, or we cuddle, but it's just always there.

I can almost always feel the dumb anxiety or depression feelings, I don't want to

I wish my brain understood that

#im tired of only feeling safe when im overly babied and small. i know at this current time point certain traumas are still really fresh #and i need to let myself acknowledge that and relax and maybe be taken care of on a higher level but #i feel so clingy and embarrassed #and i really wish i wasn't still reminded of things from the past. i hate getting anxious over things from high school or college #that doesn't matter anymore #i don't wanna be so vulnerable and scared all the time #but i think i need to #i just want to be held. feel skin to skin. get kissed and called sweet names #i wanna feel his nails through my hair. hear that hushed voice he does when being soft. i wanna be closer #i wanna be safe and told its not scary. its not bad. instead of how we've been going about things..#cant i just feel secluded and loved? feel protected and small #i wanna be told that my ptsd is a normal reaction and that i dont have to be like i was before. i can take a while to gather myself #to mourn and exist. to just.. be #be however my brain is needing to be in order to relax #i wanna be intimate and romantic and loving and gentle #i feel so guilty over these wants and needs #i wish i didn't have them. i wish i understood that its safe to have them.#i wish i was different #i wish i was me. but me before #when i was stable and felt nice and independent but i still had little moments of softness and needing help. i miss my early early twenties #but. i also miss the feeling of being held tight by him and told nothing could hurt me anymore. that he was gonna keep the bad away #like middle school. keeping the mean kids away #i love him. i want to feel loved #i am loved. i don't doubt that. but i wish i could capture every soft second and live in it forever #and i feel so guilty #trav.txt

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lauryn-order · 9 months

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My bestie and her husband are fighting again. I’m hiding in my room all day. Keep me company?

#this time he’s using me living here against her #and I feel so guilty #and scared #and I don’t know what to do #I just wanna hide forever #help me

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rainbowratsstuff · 1 year

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😖

#my mind feels so frazzled today #like its all ghdiojeucne #my mind doesnt know what to do #and i feel so guilty #i want to work on something and feel like ive done something good today #but i havent #ive only done a little bit of sketching #and i just dont have the energy now to do anything bigger #its such a bad lazy day for me #bad mental day #just the weirdest brain mood

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evanox · 2 years

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Im a failure at maintaining both irl and internet relationships literally who's doing it like me 🤧

#i suck at this sm i just know my dad is mad at me for not wanting to go to my aunt #and i feel so guilty #i should connect with my family more instead of spending everyday like the one before #but being outside the house tires me out #i feel like such a horrible person #its not like being chronically online is making me any happier either

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rantsbymee · 4 months

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posting this on the account that none of my irls follow:

i feel absolutely awful saying this but i’m a little disappointed in my christmas gifts this year… like yes i got things i have said i wanted in passing and yes i appreciate the things i got but i literally got one thing within the realm of things that i actually asked for. everything else was just random things i didnt actually put on my christmas list.

i feel like a brat for saying that and i promise i said lots of thank yous and i DO appreciate the gifts but i cant help but feel a little disappointed.

i’m mostly upset that i have a new (yr old if that still counts as new) special interest in bnha and i begged for anything with bakugou, kirishima and/or kaminari and didn’t get anything because my family doesnt like anime. like i get it to a degree but also its my interest and i worked so hard to get things that related to their interests and its like theyre not listening to how i’ve changed since high school.

like yes i know my special interests are “childish” but it makes me happy so i dont get what the big deal is over letting me indulge in those things… and also i begged for new clothes bc ive had to get rid of badically everything and got nothing bc they dont like that im more alt than i was so i guess i’ll be going on a shopping spree :/

anyway im probably being a brat so im sorry.

#autistic #christmas #i promise i am grateful #just disappointed #and i feel so guilty #special interest

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uncanny-tranny · 3 months

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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

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chloesimaginationthings · 28 days

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Abby and the FNAF puppet would get along..

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egophiliac · 5 months

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like mother, like son, but less wholesome this time?

(I couldn't decide whether or not to put them together, so have them in all the different ways!)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #if i had a nickel for every time a draconia ob'd while trying to save lilia #and had to be taken out by a member of this one specific bloodline with sparkly celestial hair that a fairy blessed #et cetera and so on you know the rest #i mean we know it's going to end better this time but y'know. the parallels!#oh meleanor my beloved #of course...of course she ob'd...it makes sense...#everything about this whole situation just massively sucked for everyone huh #well at least silver's biodad felt guilty about killing her i guess #i dunno i'm just havin' some feelings about all of this #lilia had both the absolute worst and absolute best things about his life come out of all this #down the two great loves of his life and also his job and reputation and 200 years of his life and uhhhh kind of everything else honestly #up some kids though!#(also one of those kids is a baby dragon who is JUST the right size to put silly hats on)#they were worth it to him! or maybe they were worth not giving up? look i am DEEP in the blorbosauce right now #if you don't want to read emotional tags about lilia twistedwonderland then don't come to egophiliac.tumblr.com

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ionomycin · 4 months

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2023 favorites

#artists on tumblr #so colorful this year #the first pieces i have planned for 2024 are more horror themed again #doing my best to relax until the new year #i love freelancing but i haven't had a single vacation this year #so trying to actually just... not draw for a few days :')#i always feel guilty when i don't #but no matter how much you love something you need to do other things too #be a person outside of it #even if the algorithms hate that #i hope everyone has a great rest of the year #especially sending strength and good vibes to anyone working customer service over the holidays #been there #i wish a very “step on a lego” for any customer being shitty to you

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mexashepot · 1 year

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I've been sick and suffering from fever for the last two days, and one of the medicines I was prescribed really made me feel really crappy and so I am scared to take it but idk whether it's a medicine you can skip and idk what to do, it's past midnight so calling a doctor is not an option and meanwhile I am burning from fever here

#it's not an antibiotic so it should be fine #but damn #i have missed 2 days of work already and it does not look like i will be able to work tmrw either #and i feel so guilty

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rafeandonlyrafe · 3 months

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distraction

words: 400

warnings: 18+ only, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, cockwarming

“no, it’s fine.” you sigh, flipping your hair over your shoulder as you pout at rafe, his skin illuminated by the lamp placed on his desk, casting the room in warm light. “you don’t love me anymore, whatever.”

rafes fingers pause their flying over the keyboard as he finally looks over to you, chair swiveling as he faces where you are perched on the edge of his desk. “baby.” he says firmly, a warning in his voice.

“no, no, it’s alright.” you wave your hand like its dispelling his warning. “you don’t love me. you won’t let me sit on your cock. it’s fine.” “princess.” rafe reaches for your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “it’s just that i’m busy, darling. i really have to get this done.”

“i’ll sit super still until you’re finished, won’t be a distraction, i swear.” you promise, shifting your hand so you can wrap your pinky around rafes, shaking it to prove your point.

rafe sighs before using your interlocked fingers to pull you closer as you squeal with happiness of finally getting your way. you straddle rafes lap, having already taken your underwear off from under your skirt before entering rafes office, knowing exactly what you wanted from him.

“you’re already hard.” you giggle, reaching between your bodies to undo rafes pants, his bulge clearly straining.

“i got hard the second you walked in the room, bunny.” rafe sighs, leaning back and lifting his hips to let you tug his pants and underwear down to expose his stiff cock.

“then why didn’t you let me ride you?” you whine.

“work.” rafe gestures vaguely towards the computer, not wanting to explain what he has to get done, not when you are lining yourself up with his cock and sinking down with a moan.

“fuck.” rafe groans, one hand coming to grip your ass as you settle against his lap, arms wrapping around him as you lean in, resting your head against his shoulder.

“thank you.” you press a kiss to his neck. “love you.”

“love you too baby.” rafe says, moving his chair back in so he can continue to type. “be still for me, yeah? fuck you after i finish.”

“mhm.” you mumble into his neck, satisfied that you've got rafe stretching your insides, satisfying your craving. you know you won’t be sitting still for long, it’s just a matter of who breaks first, you or rafe.

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