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watching-pictures-move · 2 years

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Movie Review | Desert Fury (Allen, 1947)

I’ve been watching some of the movies in the Noir in Color series on the Criterion Channel, and it’s been interesting to see how the use of colour (yes, I’m putting the “u” back in, leaving it out earlier was a great source of shame for me as a Canadian) has, ahem, coloured the proceedings. (And by watching, I mean sweatily binging titles before they leave at the end of the month, something I normally do later in the month, but the next few weeks are gonna be busy, so no time like the present.) In The River’s Edge and Inferno, they emphasized the survivalist aspects of their largely outdoor narratives. (The latter was also originally intended to be shown in 3-D, something that becomes apparent in the two-fisted visuals in the last act. I suppose it could have worked in black and white, but I’m not sure it would have had the same sense of spectacle. I should point out that both movies highlight how striking red hair looks in Technicolor, that’s a peripheral perk of the format.) In A Kiss Before Dying, the overly bright look of the movie forces a certain subtlety and sense of deliberation on the proceedings in a way that anticipates Purple Noon. (The other key takeaway seeing it now is that the casting of Robert Wagner is really on the nose and more effective than it likely would have been on its original release.)

Compared to those movies, this has a more classic Technicolor look, where even muted, earthier tones have depth and richness and practically pop off the screen. Where flesh tones, even in the dark, seem flushed, as blood rises to the skin and emotions come to a boil. There’s a resulting melodramatic quality that nicely accentuates the psychosexual charge of the proceedings. I’m gonna throw in a disclaimer that I’m going to attempt a semi-queer reading of the movie that will likely be dumbassed coming from a straight man, so apologies in advance. But you look at the central relationship of the movie, which isn’t just the attraction between Lizabeth Scott and John Hodiak, and not even a love triangle between those two and the blatantly heterosexual Burt Lancaster, but the tug of war between Lizabeth Scott, Hodiak in the middle, and his servant Wendell Corey, whose response to the situation feels somewhere between gay jealousy and a neglected submissive. Now, as I wrote this sentence, I did some googling on the movie and see that Foster Hirsch characterized the Hodiak-Corey relationship similarly in The Dark Side of the Screen (a book I enjoyed years ago but forgot the particulars of), so my reading is less dumbassed than I initially feared. He also frames the relationship between Scott and her mother Mary Astor as a lesbian one. I’m not sure I got the exact same feeling, although Astor is comparatively masculine and the fact that Scott refers to her by her first name is foregrounded. But there’s some psychosexual spillover into Lancaster’s character, who seems like the classic upright hero, yet has a certain faded quality and bristles when interacting with Astor, expressing indignation at her proposal that he essentially prostitute himself.

Lancaster nails all the shades of the role, from the superficial heroism to the resentment to the queasy misuse of his authority as a cop when he applies a heavy hand to Hodiak. I can see a version of the movie from his perspective, but in light of the previous paragraph, it would probably be less interesting. Actually, almost all the casting is quite good, with Corey’s beady little venomous eyes, Astor’s archness, Scott’s marble-like blue eyes shining with unique luminosity in Technicolor. The only one I take some issue with is Hodiak. Scott is supposed to be attracted to his character because of his disreputable, criminal quality, but Hodiak is initially too flat to pull this off. Imagine someone like Cary Grant in this role, who could bring the necesssary edge and sex appeal to sell this attraction. Yet when he gets his hair mussed, his blood pressure raised and his indignitation worked up, you can understand what Scott sees in him. Basically, the movie doesn’t quite sell why she would fall for him, but it does sell why she’d stay with him even as the situation goes south. And when you get the climactic car chase (which does not capture the raw power of the automobiles as chases Bullitt and onward would do, but is lent excitement by the frantic scoring), and the movie keeps cutting back and forth between them and the distinct way their eyebrows arch down to their eyes, well...I don’t know if it means anything, but it’s a striking series of images.

#film #movie review #desert fury #lewis allen

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heartstopsbeating · 2 years

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An Introduction

Hello. This is sort of a Writeblr intro, though does it technically count as a Writeblr if I don’t post any of my actual writing to my account? In any case, this is also just a general introduction to who I am and what you’ll find on my blog.

I’m Raina. I’m sixteen but look older and have a general disdain for the human race (there are some good ones, but. For the most part people suck). I’m pansexual and mostly a she, but occasionally feel like a they; feel free to address me by either pronoun if you’re talking about me. My entire life is writing and music. I’m a metalhead by nature (my dad’s one too, we like a lot of the same music) and that’s pretty much all I listen to, though I will listen to pop music occasionally (very occasionally). I play the cello, have been for six years now, and while I’ve been told I’m good at it musicians are always our own worst critics so I still doubt myself.

As far as the writing goes...I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. Even way back in first grade I was creating stories and trying my best to write them out. I can’t draw for shit, but as long as I got the words (even misspelled) onto some sort of paper, whether that be a clumsily drawn map or the back of a coloring page, I was happy. I found a third-grade “time capsule” a few months ago, and where it asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I had written “author”. Stories are my life.

I’m an avid reader, and I draw a lot of my inspiration from works I enjoy as well as music. The inspiration for my current WIP―which I’ve been working on since eighth grade, three years ago now―came from a Disturbed song of the same title, “Warrior.” A bit of background on that so you’re not completely confused when you read my little rants about the story:

Warrior is the first of a trilogy, the Fractured Memory Trilogy. It’s a sort of dystopian fantasy with medival elements, if that makes any sense (i.e. the characters in the country of Arritana, the main setting, all still fight with swords & other traditional weapons rather than the more modernized guns, bombs, and tanks). The story follows Z Angevin, who is a skilled warrior of unnatural prowess at only eighteen years old, as he goes on a quest to rediscover who he is. He’s a soldier for the Lightguard when we start his story, but then a brutal battle goes wrong and the Dark (very original name, I know) kidnap him. Z wakes up at the Dark compound with no memory of who he is except his name and the knowledge that he’s a warrior. After a few months of integration into the Dark’s ranks, Z runs into his old friends from the Lightguard again, and they take him back with them; when Z reveals the loss of his memories, he is sent on a quest to find said memories and rediscover who he was. Along the way, he meets Shade, a Tormentor (species I invented) that used to be human with a complicated history; Evanwill, a young Bracarian girl with the spirit of a fighter and the wisdom of a goddess; and Darren, a criminal-turned-reluctant-hero with a tragic past and a heart full of vengeance. As alliances are formed, love blooms, and betrayals arise, Z and his friends uncover startling and terrible secrets about the true nature of the civil war Arritana has been embroiled in for over a century. Soon it becomes a race against time to retrieve his memories and put an end to the war...before the war puts an end to them.

Anyway. That’s the main project. That’s pretty much all my blog is about, writing Warrior and music, specifically Black Veil Brides. Have fun with my randomness! :3

#anyway that was a lot #but that's me :)#now if i can just figure out how to make it a pinned post #update: figured it out :)

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dano-matchmaker · 2 years

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Hiiiiyaaa!!, hope you’re doing fine<3 (& hopefully this is where I can ask you for a match up with a Paulgod Dano character)

My name is Hannia (pronounced ha-nee-ah.) I’m like 5’2, with dark brown short hair like Lord Farquard, hazel eyes, and pale ivory skin. Every day I use shiny eyeshadows with lip tints. I usually wear colorful clothes. I love to read and listen to music, I do exercise like 3 times per week and I like to cook, (my favorite foods are Thai, Mexican, and burgers)

I don’t know what kind of aesthetic I match;(, I’m Mexican American, so I’m also into Latin things, like this fall I’ll start college, and my major is gonna be Spanish Literature, I want to be a college teacher and writer like Laura Esquivel 🥺. I listen to things like The Smiths, Soda Stereo, Kenia Os, Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, and Bad Bunny, but I also love music from the 50’s a lot. My favorite books are The Crucible by Arthur Miller, Hamlet by William Shakespeare, La casa de Bernarda Alba by Federico García Lorca and Malinche by Laura Esquivel. I usually watch Spanish tv series like Velvet, Morocco, and Alta Mar, blah blah blah. I enjoy so much the subjects of Criminal Law and US government, I’m a semi devoted catholic lol bc of my family. My friends make fun of me being straight jsjsjj. Criminal and paranormal cases are so entertaining for me.

I’m better at writing in Spanish rather than English, I’m almost done with high school and I took every advanced Spanish class to get college credit. I’m from San Diego in California, so I love to go to the beach, even though the water is really cold every time;) Besides Paul Dano, I’m mentally married to Peter Pevensie from Narnia and Pedro Pascal (I love Star Wars)

When I was little I used to have pretty bad medical luck. All my life I used to have overweight, but between the fall of 2021 and now I lost like 24 pounds and it’s so shocking for me now. I started to love Paul Dano this last March after going to Rosarito and watching The Batman there 🖤.

Thanks for reading this bible, hopefully, you can match me with someone

I JUST KNOW THAT BRIAN WOULD BE YOUR SOULMATE!!

You two are perfect for each other ik it! He would be obsessed with you, literally just love everything about you. you two would be so cute raaaaa!!!

#fast food na #brian fast food nation #paul dano

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go-our-own-ways · 6 months

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rant. petulant one. if you're sensitive on hp/jkr then don't read. I just needed to get it off my chest.

the year is 2023 and I got judged for induldging in a new-found hyperfixation on dramione, and thus judged for engaging in hp content

mind you this is new. hp is a childhood nostalgia for me and I did grow up with it, but I haven't touched it probably since 2012 or 2013. but the past 3 weeks, I have had trouble regulating myself mood-wise, and binging fic, particularly dramione, has helped me feel better.

but of course...someone judged me for it. ok then. I knew it would happen eventually but I'm just...sad. upset. disappointed.

frankly, I fail to understand how the loss of nuance and shades of grey in social media spaces and in conversations on media can possibly be seen as a good thing

do I agree with jkr? no

do I abhor her and her views and what she does with her money? yes

do I disagree now, after maturing and after learning (alongside much of society), with her portrayal of various Real marginalized or otherwise minority groups? yes

does this all mean I can't still appreciate the movies, the actors, the staff behind the magic on screen? no

does that mean I can't still enjoy the magic that isn't flawed or that didnt end up aging poorly? no

there's something called critical thinking and critical reading, and somehow people seem to have forgotten that. yes, it does no good to continue to line jkr's coffers. no that doesn't mean I can't still take solace in something I grew up with and once enjoyed, and in a way that won't hurt anyone.

if I buy something new that's from hp, then I'll make a donation of equal or greater value to an lgbtq org. it's only right, right?

it doesn't make it all better, but people have got to understand, we are all implicitly choosing our battles.

like with this flawed logic on hp...

everyone who enjoys g3nshin and st@r rail and scum vill@in and arkn1ghts and enst@rs and 1dent1tyv and so on and so forth? whether directly or indirectly, yall are lining china's coffers, giving them more softpower, and thus kore leverage in international politics. like I hate to say it but that's a real thing. yall aren't pausing to consider the damage of normalizing cn culture without the context of the crimes and horrors they've committed.

everyone who enjoys ANIME...is inadvertently feeding jp supremacy, then. bc there's few who wanna talk about the continued jp inability to acknowledge their roles in war, their supremacist ways, their racism and colorism, etc.

so why choose to fight me on hp when you definitely engage in cn or jp content and give them your money, hm? I guess we're all criminals here.

#the grind 30

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siumerghe · 2 years

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17,14,30

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV?

I rarely watch movies or tv-series in my spare time, and there are very few of them that I actually like. If there is a choice - to watch smth or to read, I always choose the latter.

I do like some old Soviet classics: Eisenstein’s “Ivan the Terrible” 1944 (ugh, I hate this mistranslation - “the Terrible”, I feel uncomfortable typing it), “Viy” 1967. They both earned their place in the history of cinematography: the former for video editing (Eisenstein’s trademark), for the use of non-verbal means of communication with the viewer (actors’ movements, interiors, camera angles), the latter - for special effects (a bit silly-looking now, but advanced for its time) and for the creative and novel camera work that built an atmosphere of nightmarish surreal horror.

Also tv-series: WWII spy thriller “Seventeen Moments of Spring” 1973 (if you ever decide to watch it, please, DON'T watch the colored version: the series were intended to be black-and-white - to blend well with the actual WWII footage; plus the modern colored version is censored - as far as I know, some anti-religious passages were cut), criminal drama “The Meeting Place Cannot Be Changed” 1979.

As for modern Russian cinema - most of it is propaganda trash filmed on the state money (with most of the money being stolen in process), or simply trash. The recent Russian movies that I like:

1) “Dead Swallows”/”Мёртвые ласточки” 2018, debut work of director Natalia Pershina: a mystical thriller, a scary fairytale deeply rooted in Russian traditional beliefs. It went unnoticed at the moment of its’ release, and only later started to slowly gain popularity due to people recommending it to each other and on social networks. Alas, the movie doesn’t seem to be translated to other languages, but if you can understand Russian, and especially if you are interested in the Russian folklore, I very much recommend it (available on youtube for free).

various details like oven protecting the house against the dark forces, forest as a mighty force that had to be treated with respect, ancestors watching over their descendants, hare as a “bad”, unlucky animal connected to “нечистая сила” (literally translated as “unclean force”) - evil spirits, and, finally, the “evil spirits” themselves, who, true to how they are presented in Russian folklore, are not as much evil, as alien, incompatible with humans. They are not at fault for the dangers they pose.

The action takes place in a beautiful green forest, one of the characters, a folk singer, has a strong, charming voice and sings many traditional songs, and the camera work, directing, the plot pacing are very good. To me, watching this movie was a relaxing rather than scary experience, although I know some people couldn’t sleep at night after watching it. Overall, among other modern Russian movies, especially laughable attempts at horror, “Dead Swallows” is like a breath of fresh (forest) air.

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2) “Battle for Sevastopol” 2015. This movie came out after the annexation of Crimea, so initially, I dismissed it as yet another propaganda trash (Sevastopol is the main Crimean port). I watched it only recently, and, to my surprise, it turned out that the movie is actually not bad! The name is misleading: the movie isn’t about one WWII battle. It’s a biopic about Lyudmila Pavlichenko - one of the many Soviet WWII female snipers, and the most successful female sniper in recorded history.

The movie tells about the horrors of WWII, about how hard it was for soldiers, especially women, about fleeting war romances, PTSD, about a girl who went to protect her Motherland in an hour of need and returned as a deeply traumatized woman. It’s not romantic and not pretty. If you’re into war dramas or movies about strong women, I very much recommend it. Plus it has a gorgeous soundtrack: “The Cuckoo” by Victor Tsoi, sung by Polina Gagarina.

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3) “Major Grom: Plague Doctor” 2021 (available on Netflix). It’s based on one of the 1st Russian superheroes comics by Bubble Studio, which I know and love. The release came at a very unlucky time: Covid, + certain political events in Russia. Liberal opposition bashed it for the main hero being a policeman, labelling it a propaganda, conservatives - for gay undertones and for being modelled after the Western movies about superheroes. As a result, to support “Major Grom”, the comics fans organized flash mobs on social media. People bought up rows of seats in cinemas to increase ticket sales, and an unknown person even rented a billboard in the center of Moscow, where tweets tagged #MajorGrom were displayed. Despite the fans’ efforts, the movie still got low box office, but it was very heart-warming to see the community so united and supportive of the adaptation.

The plot is a bit cliché being the adaptation of the 1st comic of such genre in Russia. However, the movie is quite solid and holds well in comparison with Hollywood adaptations of the US comics. The action takes place in Saint Petersburg, famous for its beautiful architecture. The “good guy” and the “bad guy” are remarkably similar in their morality and worldview, but while the “good guy” during the course of the movie finds the reason to live besides fighting crime and becomes a better and mentally healthier person, the “bad guy” succumbs to loneliness and despair and eventually does becomes “bad”.

There is lots of humor (sarcastic, Russian-style humor), and to understand some of it, you have to know some nuances of Russian culture: the main hero, the titular Major Grom, crashes the car of some bad guys while driving a garbage truck - “garbage” (”мусор”) is the Russian slang for a policeman. Or when another bad guy falls from the window, his body together with the debris on the ground forms a Russian swear word.

I really hope the creators will manage to earn enough money on streaming services to make a sequel: the next ark of the original comic, “The Big Game”, broke my heart.

youtube

17. are you interested in your country’s history?

Yep. Both the Russian history and the history of Russian culture. I find more interesting the older periods: Kievan Rus, Tatar-Mongol Yoke, and Moscovite Rus. I also like to history of the nomadic people of the Great Steppe: to me, they are interesting not just on their own, but also as the bridge between Russia and China - my other “historical” crush.

30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family?

Not nationalities, but ethnicities. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even possible to find someone 100% Russian, especially in big cities like Moscow and Saint Petersburg. My grandfather from the mother’s side was a Finno-Ughrian from the Central Russia (Moksha), my grandmother from the father’s side was a Finno-Ughrian from North-West Russia (Tver Karelian), and some of my more distant ancestors came from Poland. My husband is half-Ukrainian, half-Russian, and among his ancestors, there are Germans and Jews.

“hi, I’m not from the US” ask set

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

#ask #im not from the us ask #ivan grozny #sergei eisenstein #bubble comics

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kevrocksicehouse · 2 years

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Notes on The Godfather – 50 years later.

A breakdown of one of cinema’s greatest achievements half a century later.

1) “I believe in America.” Such an audaciously pretentious opening line and it takes all of one shadowy conversation to make it perfect. The darkness. The undertaker’s anguish only barely hiding his condescension. The Don’s old world courtliness expressing contempt at the man’s naivete – only a fool believes in America.

2) The Wedding. One sixth of the three-hour movie, this introduces the Corleones – volatile Sonny (James Caan), quiet thoughtful Michael (Al Pacino), spoiled princess Connie (Talia Shire), weak and stupid Fredo (John Cazale), and adopted consigliore Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall) -- and we see them literally in their best light, in the glow of a raucous Italian wedding reception. We see them as a close-knit family. We also see Michael tell his girlfriend Kay (Diane Keaton) gruesome stories about what his family has sanctioned and when he goes too far, says “That’s my family Kay – it’s not me,” another badly portentous line that Pacino injects with just enough self-doubt to make it seem poignant.

3) Pacino vs. Brando. It’s generally accepted these days that Brando’s Best Actor Oscar nomination (and win) and Pacino’s Best Supporting nom should be reversed. Brando’s screen time is considerably smaller (he spends most of the movie’s middle third in a hospital bed) and Michael’s acceptance of his family and rise to power is the movie’s main arc. But Brando’s performance suffuses the movie with the Don’s world view, his ethics (such as they are) regrets and defiance set against the newer, more ruthless (or at least less romanticized) criminal world that encircles them and that will engulf Michael. Brando’s old world courtliness seduces us into the Corleones world while Pacino carries Michael’s own seduction as the film’s tragedy. Which actor is better is ultimately a dull question as the transition of the film from one to the other is one of the greatest achievements of movie acting in film history.

4) The horse’s head. Tom is dispatched to Hollywood to fulfill a request for Johnny Fontane (Al Martino), a Sinatra-like crooner being denied a plum acting role by blustery studio head Jack Woltz (John Marley). In a small short story within the movie Duvall and Marley play out a drama pitting Hagen’s bland, corporate dispassion against the mogul’s coarse irascibility as the lawyer makes him an offer he doesn’t know he can’t refuse. Part of the film’s seduction of us is that Woltz is so crassly off-putting that we see Hagen as a reasonable man, and even seeing the act of horrific violence that ends the sequence (and gets Fontane the part) we half-buy the movie’s mantra: It’s just business, not personal.

5) Luca Brasi. The Corleones are being muscled by New York’s other four families into dealing drugs and the Don’s refusal may threaten war, so he asks the thuggish Luca Brasi (Lenny Montana) to feign treachery and infiltrate a rival gang. What looks like a major subplot is soon revealed as a red herring. The violence was a big deal (and a big selling point) at the time and watching it we understand. It’s not gory, but shocking and sudden.

6) The Bells of St Mary. Michael and Kay come out of a movie theater talking about the film, and let’s just enjoy for a second the last moment either of them will have a moment’s peace.

7) The Hospital. After Vito is hit, Michael rushes to see him in the hospital to find it almost deserted and his father unguarded. Coppola lets us put together what happens as Michael does and his quick thinking (which also calls in a wedding favor) saves Vito from a hit and cements his loyalty to the family (“I’m with you now”). That his conversion occurs in a moment that justifies his paranoia will color Pacino’s performance in the sequel.

8) Michael’s choice. After Michael comes out of the bathroom he takes his sweet time making a choice which will decide the rest of his life. If he’d waited any longer we might have suffocated.

9) The news. Two of the greatest moments in Brando’s career involve Vito getting the news about his sons – when one of them is killed and when one has returned to the fold. I’ll leave it to you to decide which is the cause of more grief.

10) Sicily. Michael, hiding out, falls in love and gets married in the film’s second wedding. This time we see the ceremony. Only one of each married couple will live past the movie.

11) Sonny. Santino was a bad Don because he took everything personally and his enemies knew how to exploit that, and for all his infidelities and his monster of a temper he was the fullest human being in the film. When James Caan leaves the movie something vibrant is gone and the rest of the film follows the machinations of hushed, closed-in men.

12) The Peace. The Don half-capitulates on drugs and of all the lines quoted in the films, I rarely hear “They’re animals anyway, let them lose their souls”, spoken by Don Giuseppe about the decision to “keep the traffic in the dark people, the coloreds.” Aside from the casual racism of the statement it is the only time it is inferred that the gangster’s “business” impacts innocent people. There’s never any mention of the rent money thrown away by gamblers or the corruption of the labor unions the mob controls. At the time there were a steady stream of Blaxploitation movies that flowed from the Harlem drug scourge that would come from that decision – and its reasons. What if that line had been spoken by Vito? Or by Michael?

13) Vegas. The first humiliation of Fredo which would have disastrous consequences in the next film. And Moe Green (Alex Rocco), ditto.

14) The Orange Peel. Almost entirely improvised by Brando and one of the great death scenes. An old man playing with his grandson succumbs almost peacefully in a beautifully shot garden on a sunny day. Who wouldn’t want to go that way?

15) “Today I settle all family business”. The baptism of Connie and Carlo’s firstborn child, intercut with repeated assassinations of all the other Dons, along with Moe Green (you don’t say no to the Corleones). Michael caps it all by browbeating a confession for setting up Sonny’s murder, promising to let him live and then almost immediately having him garroted to death. We’ve seen why these men deserve their death but as Michael renounces Satan as his men kill repeatedly from his orders his hypocrisy, and our implication in it, are laid bare.

16) Michael lies. Confronted by Connie about the murder of her husband Michael lies about it and when Kay calls him out he says that “This one time, this one time, I’ll let you ask me about my affairs.” Then he lies about everything and then shuts his door on her. Fade to black. Credits. The scene echoes the last shot of John Ford’s the Searchers but where John Wayne’s Ethan Edwards closes the door to exile himself from a community he is unworthy of, Michael shuts out Kay, the world, us to retreat into a darkness he will not escape. If a blockbuster film has ever had a more disturbing ending I can’t think of it. And I believe in America.

#the godfather #martin scorsese #marlon brando #al pacino #50 years #kevrock #analysis

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shutupanakin · 3 years

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Wasting Your Time Ch.3

“Wh— what?” Tommy choked out, his voice hoarse from the lack of use all day.

The man rolled his eyes, as if he didn’t just ask a completely impolite question. “I said, do you have any booze?”

Tommy sat still. He reached into his jacket pocket, his hand finding only a plastic pen. Could he stab this man with a plastic pen?

Tommy pulled said piece of plastic out, visibly holding it up. “I have a pen.” Something about the bemused look on the man's face made Tommy click it, and again, repeatedly.

click click click click click click click click—

...

or; Tommy planned on dying. He meets Wilbur instead.

Chapter Summary: Tommy is wrong. Wilbur tries to teach him color theory.

cw for suicidal ideation

Tommy was not proven right.

In better words, his thesis, his argument, it was wrong. He was wrong, okay? He could admit that! He was wrong and Wilbur was right. Wilbur, him, and his stupid antithesis. Wilbur got the good grade, Wilbur got the pat on the shoulder from the teacher. Tommy got credit for participation. Tommy got a pity smile and a gold star sticker and a ‘good job! You tried!’

Tommy should be happy. He is happy! He talked to Tubbo and Ranboo. After they were all done with classes on Friday, because Tommy had waited that long— he talked, and they listened! They did!

“ Would you guys be happier if I— I don’t know. Stop hanging around you, or something?” He was picking at the thread, pulling it so tight he could feel it move the inside of his sleeve.

The answer he got? They said no. Ranboo was quiet, letting Tubbo babble. Then Ranboo would reword what Tubbo said, more coherently. And Tommy resisted his urge to just scream, because that was their dynamic. Of course it was! Tubbo was the controlled forest fire and Ranboo was damage control.

What Tommy did not expect was when he had pointed that out, his friends didn’t let him burn out like he thought they would. Tommy wasn’t the tree burning up, Tommy was the water that Ranboo was using to put it out.

They had hung out at Ranboo’s all weekend, after that. Sam was busy and couldn’t handle the noise, Tubbo’s dad worked nights and refused to leave the house to them alone. Ranboo’s cousin was cool about it, thank god. The guys' friends were fucking awesome, Tommy thought. The shorter American was telling him about Molotov Cocktails and one with the stupid fucking glasses tried to teach him and Tubbo some clutch in Minecraft.

Tommy wasn’t afraid to admit that he lost.

The train, as it always does, stops in front of him. Tommy didn’t hesitate this time, grabbing his seat at the back. There might have been more of a skip in steps this time, but no one he knew was there to point it out. The woman at the front promptly ignored him. He sat down, hands tucked firmly in his jacket pockets.

He did not doubt that Wilbur would show up this time. The man himself had indicated that he’d love being proven right. Tommy was willing to let him take this, to take this ego boost. Tommy knew when to admit that he was wrong— he was, okay?

“I like your pin.” Ranboo’s cousin said, passing him a coke from the fridge. “Smile. Nice.”

Tubbo looked at him, his eyes settled on Tommy’s jacket. He reached out, fabric gripping up in his hand. His thumb ran over the yellow and black pin. “Bee.” Tubbo tilted his head. “When did you get this?”

“Oh. Uh.” Tommy stuttered. “Uhm. Two weeks ago! There’s this cool shop a bit out that sells them.”

Tommy fiddled with the bee, adjusting the diagonal position it had fallen into. He didn’t tell Tubbo or Ranboo about Wilbur— he didn’t know how to explain it. How to explain him. He didn’t want to tell them what had led him to go to the train station in the middle of the night. That was a conversation that Tommy was simply not ready for, yet.

Wilbur was also eerie, and he was sure that only Tommy himself could deal with his weirdness for a whole night. He would probably psychoanalyze Tubbo and make him cry, or monologue to Ranboo and give him a breakdown. He’d keep them separated for a bit, Tommy decided.

When they pulled into their next stop, Tommy didn’t shut his eyes this time. He watched Wilbur come into view through the window. Wilbur entered swiftly, following behind a man that nabbed a seat in the front.

“Hello, fellow science experiment,” Wilbur grinned, placing himself down opposite Tommy. “I assume it went well?”

If Tommy was in a worse mood he would curse him out. “I’ll have you know, it went exceptionally well, Mr. Soot. I even walked here with a bit of pep in my step. I did that! Not you!”

“Of course you did, they were your words, I just gave you a motive.” Wilbur hummed.

Tommy scowled. There it was. “You’re a prick,”

“A correct prick.” Wilbur said. “So your friends took it well then?”

Tommy hesitated. “Well. You could say that? They’re trying, now. They’re listening. I’m not just hitting the pavement anymore. But we’re talking! And we spent the whole weekend at Ranboo’s!”

“So you are getting somewhere,” Wilbur concluded. Tommy nodded.

“It— it’s nice enjoying myself, hanging out with them. Ya know? Like it’s not a chore. It’s easy. I don’t have to zone out to be around them.”

They stopped. No one got on, the man remained at the front.

When Tommy was around them, he would have to do that. Zone out. Sometimes it wasn’t on purpose, other times he just found himself begging to just go, anywhere else, but he was too aware to go away, their voices were too loud and the air was too cold and Tommy couldn’t fucking breathe—

He didn’t feel that way all weekend.

Tommy didn’t feel trapped. He was in the present. He was in the present and he was happy. If not just for a few moments, Tommy was okay and he didn’t have to think about anything else.

“So it worked,” Tommy said. “It did! We’re working on it; this weekend was fucking great though. I know how to make a Molotov Cocktail now—“

“You what —“

“I didn’t actually make one,” Tommy emphasized. “I was just taught how! It’s quite easy actually! Ranboos' cousin, one of his friends just... it was a lot of vandalism advice.”

Wilbur groaned. “Please do not get arrested for vandalism. You need better influences.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Tommy waved him off. “don’t worry big man. Can’t come to see you if I’m arrested. Sam would also kill me. In cold blood. Dead, I would be dead as fuck, man.”

If Sam had to bail him out for something as stupid as setting something on fire, he would be so fucked. Oh, Sam was so fucking overbearing when he was paying attention, he would never hang out with Ranboo again. Or Tubbo for that matter. Sam would deadbolt his door closed. Tommy would never see the sun again. Screw prison, Sam would lock him up himself.

Tommy will not be doing that, thank you. If anyone offered to help him burn something down, he would certainly not be taking it.

They stopped. A woman got on, the clanking of her jewelry as she sat down echoing in Tommy’s ears.

“How am I a bad influence?” Wilbur enquired.

“HAH!” Tommy blurted. “Look at me! Mr. Soot! I go on trains in the middle of the night! I gamble with teenagers. I am suuuuuuch a good role model.”

“I do not gamble with teenagers!” Wilbur cried. “No money has been placed! I told you that!” Wilbur accused. “Also I am not the one telling you to blow stuff up.”

“ Memememememe — I said nothing about blowing anything up,” Tommy argued. “I was at most implying arson. I said absolutely nothing about exploding shit! That’s you!”

Wilbur slapped his hand against his forehead. “Oh, you insolent child!”

“Oh, you cryptic old man!”

Wilbur shot up. “Hey!”

“I hardly know anything about you,” Tommy retorted. “You— you could be a war criminal or something for all I know—“

“Do I look like a fucking war criminal to you?” Wilbur interrupted.

“... You could be!” Tommy exclaimed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What is your favorite color?”

“Red. Answer the question.”

Wilbur groaned. “Blue. Used to be teal.”

“Why did it change?” Tommy pressed.

“There is not enough of it here,” Oh god, Tommy thought. Here we go. “The sky is cloudy. The water is gray. It is muted, it is drowning in black and white film instead of saturation. I wish there was more of it. Especially down here.” He longed, Tommy was exasperated.

“Wilbur, we are underground. Look at the graffiti.” Tommy deadpanned. “Or just go on Google man. Color blue— not everything needs to be a Greek tragedy.”

“That is not a natural blue,” Wilbur objected. “It is artificial! From a spray bottle, or on a screen!”

“I’ll bring you some flowers or something, okay?” Tommy snapped. “You’ll get your fucking blue.”

“I will sneeze on you.”

Tommy hit the side of the seat. “You will not!”

Wilbur made a face, rearing his head back. “A—a— ACCHOO. Like that. But you will not be expecting it.”

“Fuck you! And your blue!” Tommy exclaimed, Wilbur cackled.

“And why do you like the color red so much then?”

There was no special reason as to why Tommy enjoyed red. When teachers asked in primary school he gave it as a response, no deep or intricate thought attached to it. That was the difference between him and Wilbur. Everything Wilbur did and said seemed to have some sort of deep thought attached to it, everything he said was planned out, and said carefully.

Tommy was decidedly not that.

Tommy existed in the moment and Wilbur existed around it, quietly observing. Whispering. Taking notes.

“No reason,” Tommy shrugged. “It’s just kinda nice. Loud.”

“Like you.” Wilbur teased.

Tommy groaned, hitting the back of his head against the glass. “Stop patronizing me! I’m done doing color theory with you!”

“Oh I can do color theory—“

Tommy put his hands out, gesturing for him to stop. “No, no. Please do not. I’m begging you. I can only handle so much of your monologues.”

Wilbur scoffed. “My ‘monologues’ are fantastic, I will have you know.”

“You should write songs,” Tommy said. “You’re a right emo; you— you— you could take all that messed up shit up there,” Tommy pointed. “and make stuff. I dunno.”

“I mean I used to,” Wilbur breathed. “not anymore though.”

“Why not?” Tommy pushed.

“Have not felt like it.” He said simply. “No fun in doing it anymore. Can not even sing to anyone.”

Tommy’s brows furrowed. “That’s shit,” he grumbled.

“Poor me, having to exist being friendless!” Wilbur sighed. Tommy knew he was being dramatic, but it still made Tommy glare.

“Hey!” Tommy objected. “I’m your friend!”

“That just makes me sad,” Wilbur groaned, rubbing his face. “we are friends?”

“ Nooo,” Tommy drawled. “I only meet mere acquaintances on the tube line in the middle of the night.”

“You came back here because of our deal,” Wilbur pointed out. Tommy’s brows creased, because technically he was right. To be proven right, to be proven wrong, that’s why he kept coming here. Some sort of odd mutual trust and genuine curiosity enabled Tommy to keep coming back.

Sam might call it a lack of self-preservation.

And he wouldn’t be wrong, sneaking out in the middle of the night, to a tube station, alone, to meet a practical stranger was in every right dangerous. The first time Wilbur had stumbled into the seat across from him, Tommy couldn’t bring himself to care about that part, the danger. If Wilbur had mugged him then and there it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Once again, the thought of not seeing Wilbur again was bothering Tommy. Did Tommy want to make another deal? To continue this odd tradition? Tommy felt, alright. Kinda. He was happy. This was a good weekend. His classes yesterday were bearable, the overwhelming feeling to pull his hair out was muffled under the warmth in his chest.

Did feeling better mean he would never see Wilbur again? Surely they could keep doing this. Just a... check-up.

“You should play again,” Tommy suggested. “if not for anyone else, then just for yourself ya know?”

“Do you play anything?” Wilbur asked.

“I know piano,” Tommy thought. He hadn’t played said instrument in a bit. He had a keyboard that sat in his closet collecting dust. He hadn’t taken it out since he moved into the flat with Sam. “I haven’t played it in a while. Too much noise.”

Their stop was coming, Tommy realized. Tommy hit his leg awake, standing up. “Guess we will dive into that later,” Wilbur said. Tommy shook his head.

“No, no,” Tommy was going to put a stop to that right now. “I’m not you. There’s no deep, depressing reason. I just don’t play anymore. Stop psyche evaluating me, or whatever the fuck you people call it.”

“Alright, alright.” Wilbur said lightly. Taking the lead as Tommy followed him out. “Are you still going to get pins?” Tommy hummed an ‘mm-hmm’ in response.

“I like the pins,” Tommy confirmed. “Do you want anything?”

Wilbur shrugged him off. “Nah,” He waved. “Knick knacks, I would have no use for that. Nowhere to put them.”

“Are you homeless?” Okay, that was a bit rude, Tommy would admit. But that slipped, alright? “Because that would explain a lot actually.”

“ No,” Wilbur said immediately. “I have a house, Tommy.” He groaned in exasperation. “Believe it or not, I can exist in different places other than a tube station. ”

“No, but it makes sense! Every time I see you you’re wearing the same shit!”

“It is my Tuesday jumper,” Wilbur defended. “I already told you that.”

“ It is my Tuesday jumper .” Tommy mocked. “Fuck you. You don’t have a house.”

They stopped outside the glowing Jack Of All Trades sign.

“Get something cool this time. Like an orca.” Wilbur suggested as Tommy pushed open the glass door, Tommy mumbling a ‘will do’.

Jack leaned over the counting, scrolling through his phone. His eyes met Tommy as he strolled further into the shop. “Hello again!” He put his phone down on the counter. “I was wonderin’ if you were gonna show up.”

“It’s become a habit,” Tommy said, reaching into the bowl.

“What’s ya name again?” Jack enquired.

Oh, Tommy realized. “Tommy,” He answered. He took the blood-orange-flame-shaped pin in his hand, placing it on the glass counter.

“You’re gonna run me out of pins,” Jack joked, sliding the pounds over to the register.

“You’re gonna run me broke,” Tommy joked back. He clipped the pin in, securing it. “Bye Jack!”

Jack waved as Tommy pushed out the door. Wilbur stood waiting for him, raising his eyebrow as Tommy showed him the new pin. “You did not get an orca,” Wilbur pointed, disappointed.

“He didn’t have any orcas, big dubs. Is that why you got banned?” Tommy asked, turning backward as he walked in front of Wilbur. “He didn’t have any orca merch? Is that it, Wilbur? Have I cracked the mystery yet?”

“Nope!” Tommy’s excitement visibly dropped. “Good guess! Still wrong.”

“ Ughhhh, ” Tommy groaned, kicking a stone. “Fuck you, man. Just tell meee,” Tommy begged.

“No,”

“Please.”

“Still no.”

“Did you steal something?”

“No.”

“Did you kill his mother?”

“ What ?!— Tommy, no!”

“Are you a felon, Wilbur?”

“Let me stop you while you are ahead,” Wilbur said. “The answer is no, no, and no. To everything.”

Fuck you, Tommy thought. He didn’t like not knowing things. He’d figure it out. He would drop it for now, because this clearly wasn’t getting anywhere, but he’ll make Wilbur slip. He will! He just needs to catch him off guard. He could do that! Outsmarting Wilbur would be a feat, an accomplishment.

“I’ll figure it out, you watch,” Tommy grumbled.

“Good luck with that Toms,” Wilbur hummed.

“I don’t need luck,” Tommy stated. “Just my big brain.”

“You do have a big head,” Okay, that was mean, Tommy thought.

“That was unnecessarily rude,” Tommy stated. “I can’t believe you’ve done this to me, Wilbur. My self-esteem. It’s ruined.”

“Oh come on,” Wilbur retorted. “I have a big forehead. Look.” Wilbur lifted the curly bangs that framed the front of his face.

“Oh no,” Tommy cried. “Don’t do that, please. My eyes! I can’t stare directly at it!”

Wilbur fixed his hair, chuckling. “My jumper buddy used to call me Forehead-Bur.”

Tommy snickered. “Jumper buddy sounds cool.”

“He really is not. He is a real loser.”

“Like you?” Tommy chortled.

Wilbur scoffed. “Shut it!”

When they got to the station, two women were standing together on the platform. Tommy nodded politely while Wilbur simply ignored them. When it had pulled in, Tommy trailed Wilbur to the back. The two women had sat down at the front.

“Got any plans for this week?” Wilbur asked, Tommy shrugged.

“Got a test Thursday. That’s about it.” Tommy thought. “I think Tubbo wanted to go to the mall Friday, dunno. I’ll have to text him.”

It would be the next time that Tommy would see him; his, Ranboo’s and Tubbo’s schedules made it difficult to see each other during the week. Tommy was no longer actively avoiding them now, though. Maybe Tommy could set up a game of Pub G, or CSGO.

He was starting to feel guilty for blowing them off, actually. Tommy would have to make up for that. He didn’t really regret coming to see Wilbur, he couldn’t. If Tommy was given the choice between playing a first-person shooter game on a Tuesday night with them versus… this…

Tommy knew what he would choose.

They stopped. No one on or off.

“You have anything planned?” Tommy asked.

Wilbur did not look like he was expecting to be asked. “Hmm,” He wondered. “Might go see my dad. Been a bit.”

Tommy did not know why that had shocked him so much. A father! Everyone had a father, Tommy knew that alright? That was completely logical.

Wilbur had just, given off the feeling of someone who didn’t have anyone. Wilbur was a feather floating in the wind. Tommy supposed that feather had to come from a bird then, perhaps it was missing it.

“You should bring your dad something,” Tommy said, shaking off the frown.

“Like what?”

“Like— like a snowglobe or something man, I don’t fucking know. Flowers!”

“He likes birds,” Wilbur thought aloud.

“Chicken,” Tommy decided.

“ No,”

“Chicken,” Tommy repeated. “You gotta let me know how that goes next time.”

“Next time?”

Oh.

They stopped. The two women left, the brunette left quickly while the blonde frowned at him.

Tommy forgot that they hadn’t even thought of another deal yet. Did they need that at this point? Couldn’t Tommy just show up and trust that Wilbur would be there, deal in the air or not?

“I... I—I think I want to keep doing this?” Tommy admitted, pulling at his hair. “Showing up. And talking, to you, ya know? I enjoy it. I keep thinking like, what deal, what bet this time we could make again. And nothing comes up.”

“You want another deal?

“Do you?” Tommy asked, genuinely. “I don’t… I don’t want to make you feel like you have to come back here.”

They stopped. A small group got on, this time kids around Tommy’s age holding bottles wrapped in brown bags.

Wilbur thought for a moment, like he was mewling over his next words carefully. “As long as you need me, we can keep doing this,” Wilbur said softly.

Catharsis, there it was. Tommy swallowed. “Okay. We can do that.” It was another deal, in all technicality. An extended one at that. Conditional.

But Tommy was relieved from that pressure of not knowing if there will be a next time. Because now he knows for sure there will be! And another after that!

Wilbur might have started as a buffer to what Tommy considered the inevitable, a simple delay. Despite the serotonin high that he had for the past few days, Tommy hadn’t forgotten about Wilbur. He hadn’t forgotten about why he met him in the first place.

Did he want to anymore?

Tommy didn’t have an answer, apparently.

That’s why he needed these meetings with Wilbur to continue, they got him to the end of the week, they got him through his current problems. He helped him fix his relationship with Tubbo and Ranboo. Maybe Tommy wanted to figure out what he could solve before he left. What he fixes— then he’ll decide.

He’d make up his mind then.

Because was Tommy’s decision to make, not Wilbur’s. Not Sam’s, not Tubbo’s, not Ranboo’s. His. He knew that. Alright! Tommy knew that.

They stopped. The loud group got off.

Tommy eyed them as they left. “It looks like you asked the wrong teenager for booze,”

Wilbur cackled, his boisterous laugh filling the now mostly empty train car. “I had forgotten I did that,” He giggled, wiping away at his eye.

“I didn’t!” Tommy pointed. “Man, I thought you were going to stab me. Or demand for my wallet. Or both.”

“You thought I was going to mug you?”

“You asked me for booze!”

“I was breaking the ice!”

“You break the ice by asking for alcohol ?”

“Yeah! You looked miserable. I thought you could use a good laugh.”

“I didn’t,” Tommy said. “I clicked a pen at you. I was prepared to stab you with that in case you were a wrongun.”

“Oh no, ink poisoning,” Wilbur dismayed. “What will I do?”

“Go to the ER,” Tommy replied. “But you’re probably banned from that too.” Wilbur was silent. Tommy had meant that as a joke. “Wilbur…”

“It is a long story,”

“Oh my god.”

“It is!”

“Geez man,” Tommy rubbed his temple. “And you scold me for making jokes about Molotov Cocktails!”

“They are mini bombs.”

“And you’re not allowed in places in half of England!”

“I did not set anything ablaze, Tommy,” Wilbur said, rising. His stop was next. The night was coming to an end. “Try not to get arrested between now and next week.”

There it was, his confirmation. “No promises big man!” The train was stopping. “Try to stop pissing people off!”

“See you, Tommy!” Wilbur stepped out, not looking back at Tommy.

When they moved again, Tommy startlingly realized that he was alone. Just him. Two weeks ago, Tommy would’ve killed for this. He would’ve died for this.

Tommy sat alone, and the flashing markers of the tunnel were too bright and the rumbling, vibrating feeling of the tube going at its ungodly speed was nauseating because Tommy should’ve been—

He could’ve been—

Tommy shook his head. Squeezing his eyes shut. He could drown out the lights. He was okay. He was alone, and that was okay. It didn’t matter. Being alone didn’t make a difference. Nothing changed. The time of the night was really starting to become very prominent to Tommy. He wanted to go home and just sleep. Tommy checked his phone, no new messages other than some old Instagram notifications.

When his stop came up, he practically bounced up and sprinted off of the train, pushing past a concerned-looking ginger woman. He was up the steps before the train could even pull out.

Tommy was alive for right now, and he was okay with that.

#wilbur #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #tommy #crimeboys #crimebois #sbi #sleepy boys inc #crime bois #crime boys #dream #dream smp #sleepy bois inc #wyt shutupanakin #shutupanakin posts

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cashewally-sarcastic · 3 years

Text

It is hku’s 6th month anniversary, and it’s been a growing theme (tradition?) that I tend to write essays for said occasion, most of them being jokes. But instead, today I present a different kind of essay, one that isn’t written as a joke for once. This is an essay focusing on the grey morality of hku, and focuses on Siv as the example of said grey morality. Because of this, I do have to warn that there are major story spoilers ahead, so if you haven’t read hku or aren’t caught up to current events, I would recommend not reading this! This essay isn’t going anywhere, and spoiling yourself isn’t a very fun experience!

With that disclaimer out of the way, the essay (as per usual) is under the cut! Enjoy!

~~~

The Grey Morality of HKU

We live in a world that is not purely black and white, but instead many different shades of grey. Writing greyness into stories is difficult, especially when trying to create morally ambiguous characters, which is why most character conflicts in fiction is black and white. Moral greyness in characters is a very thin tightrope to balance on, since such characters fall in between heroes and villains, and bring layers of depth and complexity into the world. Most humans are not purely good or evil, and morally grey characters showcase this well. These characters can be incredibly complicated, and thus, it's difficult for authors to commit and stay on their tightrope. Sometimes they lean too far to one side and their intended moral greyness gets destroyed. But in Hyrule Kingdom Updates, or HKU, Quill not only walks this tightrope with ease, but does backflips on it and performs a whole circus act with their characters mimicking the same routine. One of these talented tightrope-walkers that performs in such a circus act is Asivus Hartell, better known as Siv.

Siv is one of the main examples of the grey morality of HKU. He’s the sarcastic, pessimistic orator that serves as the role of the narrator for the story. Introduced as a psychological egoist, or someone who believes that everyone’s actions are derived out of personal interest, his personality, attitude, and actions all reek of the scent of “villain”. He’s cynical, hates almost everyone in the castle, and is also a criminal. Over time, his egoist beliefs are slowly challenged, and when his ties to the people who challenge his egoist morals are cut, his egoism goes even further downhill, leading him to become a utilitarian existentialist.

Utilitarian existentialism is hard to properly define, as there is no clear-cut definition. It is the combination of two different philosophies, utilitarianism and existentialism. Utilitarianism is the belief that actions are right if they are useful or for the benefit of a majority; if it provides the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, it’s the right thing to do. Existentialism is the belief that there are no set morals for life and no specific meaning to life— people are free to create their own meaning and define their own existence. Utilitarian existentialism is the combination of these two beliefs, and Siv falling into this moral belief can lead to its own opportunities, both for the plot and for himself.

Siv, by the dictionary definition, is a villain. One of the core beliefs he holds, mostly thanks to his egoism, is that everyone is a terrible, selfish person except for him and Ganon. This is not only harmful to the rest of the population because of the possibility of the Calamity being revived, but it’s harmful to Siv as well. Thinking everyone is bad except for the entity that’s weaponizing your malice, or manipulating your trauma, is not the most healthy thing. In addition, as the readers, we can see things from multiple perspectives, and therefore know that not everyone is a terrible or selfish person. By seeing these multiple perspectives and knowing these things, we root against Siv and his goal of resurrecting the Calamity, for his view of the world and the people in it is flawed. Siv succeeding in his objective wouldn’t be good for anyone, including himself. If this was Siv’s only belief, it would be more of a clear-cut black and white story, and Siv would just be a villain. However, that is not the case.

The other core belief Siv believes is one that Astor leads him to: Getting rid of all the terrible, selfish people in the world is the morally correct thing to do, as the kingdom would be a better place and he’d finally be happy. “Defeating the evil in the kingdom will make everything end up good” is a mindset that many stereotypical heroes share. This is the belief in the stories of many people’s childhoods, and people root for them because it’s usually correct in the context of said story. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with Siv’s belief; he does have a point and does deserve to be happy. Furthermore, most of the problem causers in Hyrule would be gone, preventing all the hurt and trauma all the characters have to cope with from happening again. For example, getting rid of Ligero is something the entire reader-base has been cheering for since the old man was first introduced. It would be satisfying to see people such as those face consequences for their actions, and as readers, we like satisfying endings. Unfortunately, the problem is that Siv believes everyone is bad except him and Ganon, so he’d be getting rid of everyone, and effectively resurrecting the Calamity, something that devastated the kingdom and brought a massive amount of death, in the process. Taking that into account, you wouldn’t want Siv to succeed. And as a bonus, killing anyone and everyone he could possibly care about in any capacity would not be good for his already crumbling mental state. All of this creates a mental tug-of-war in the reader’s head, because they're rooting for Siv to succeed but also hoping that Siv will fail. Is he in the right? No, because not everyone is a bad person and killing everyone by raising the Calamity isn't ever the right thing to do. But is he in the wrong? Also no, because utilitarianism isn't inherently bad, neither is existentialism, and the moral principle itself can have good intentions. Quill writes Siv to be a very complex character with no absolute right or wrong mentality. There’s no surface answer to if Siv is correct in his thinking or not, as this moral greyness goes a lot deeper than the surface level you see within the dialogue.

Siv walks upon the same morally grey tightrope that we, the readers, fight ourselves over within our own mental game of tug-of-war. His moral ambiguity is a huge part of his characterization, as well as a major highlight on the plot of HKU as a whole. The picture Quill painted is not only in multiple shades of grey, but also full of color and life. And out of all the shades of grey Quill used in their masterpiece, one of the most interesting shades is Siv. Quill did an excellent job at exploring this moral greyness and it shows well; you can truly see the care that they put into Siv as a character through how he affects the world around him. The kingdom of Hyrule is not made of black and white, but instead, is painted in multiple shades of grey that reflect our own world within itself, since nothing is as simple as it seems.

~~~

Want to read more about Siv’s morals? Quill wrote an in-depth explanation themselves, and does a much better job of explaining it than I do, so I recommend reading it if that peaks your interest! Click HERE to be sent to that post! (also major spoilers, so be warned)

~~~

Now, since you got to the bottom of this post, and because I might be a little too polite, I need to give some thank-yous to a handful of people.

The first thank-you is to Rev (@swordlesbianss) for giving me the push I needed to actually write this thing! You pretty much kept me accountable for getting this done by mentioning your essay (which I look forward to reading when it’s ready, take your time), so thank you, Rev! You definitely got me to actually start writing the original version of this essay, and caused me to write it to where it is now!

The second thank-you is to Aura (@auroraborealis1890) who beta read the first draft of this essay! You made sure it wasn’t completely incomprehensible, thank you so much Aura! By being able to read it at all, you were a huge help to what was essentially a crazy person’s ramblings. You’re a great friend and I’m very grateful you read my first draft of bullshit <3

The third thank-you is a huge one to Bunny (@bunnywabbit229) who polished up this essay! All of the tone, spell checks, and really beautiful analogies were proofread by Bunny, some invented by them! They took a good 5+ hours out of their day and made this little rock of an essay become the shining diamond it is! I could point out so many things that they made better, but I don’t want to gush for too long. Bunny, I know I already told you this but if I could buy you a large brownie pizza, I would because you helped so much and I appreciate it so much!

The final thank-you is to Quill, the author of @hyrule-kingdom-updates, who made the inspiration for this essay. You have made such a wonderful story that’s rich with so many amazing characters and astounding worldbuilding. You made a masterpiece that inspired an essay of over 1000 words and I’m in awe. You truly deserve to know how wonderful your writing is and all the effort you’ve put into your characters and story is not going unnoticed. So thank you so much for putting your story out into the world, Quill.

#hku #hku spoilers #<- got that out of the way now time for the writer's cut in the tags #this was originally going to be an essay about Siv and Larc and how their morality challenges our view of it #Siv is moral. Larc is immoral. You'd expect them to be opposites. But they're not #as time went on Siv slowly started taking over the essay entirely because there's just SO MUCH TO HIM #so the topic shifted into an essay about the moral greyness of hku and used siv as a prime example #it eventually got to this point (which is fortunate because that other essay was going to be even worse that this one)#also the tightrope analogy with a bit of circus theme is half inspired by some google stuff about how hard moral greyness is #and half inspired by the fact that i am a clown honking my little clown nose at 3am trying my best #also another tangent: if you were awake around 1am (est) and you heard me going insane on a google doc #the first draft of this essay was that google doc but i didn't want to say it because what nerd writes essays at 1am #(i am. i am that nerd)#anyways #thank you for reading all of this!#i hope you have a wonderful day/night/whatever time!#<3

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yikestripes · 4 years

Text

For the First Time

humans of tumblr, friends and fans of my blog, mamma mia here we go again. ya girl is BACK and better than ever with her new obsession, criminal fuckin minds. this was such a fun one shot to write; enjoy!

Summary: You’ve been working for the FBI for 3 years now, and have never seen the sights. Spencer, of course, volunteers to take you along for a wild ride.

“Spence!” You called as you entered the BAU, your bag swinging wildly on your shoulder as your crazed (Y/E/C) eyes searched for the lanky doctor. Although it was mildly quiet despite the typing on a few keyboards and phones ringing here and there, the office was nowhere near as excitable and filled as it usually was on a Friday morning. The man in question poked his head out of the break room, quickly accompanied by the rest of his body as he strode across the catwalk.

“Yeah, (Y/N)?” He materialized at your side and held out a coffee mug with your name on it. You grabbed it gratefully and sucked down a few gulps before recollecting your thoughts.

“I was up half the night thinking about it, and I think I finally understand!” Spencer gave you a confused look, scrunching up his face as he thought through whatever it was he said that could have confused you.

Compared to the other members of the BAU, you were the only one who understood what he was saying at least 95% of the time- something that Spencer found both impressive and is what initially drew him to you. Here you were, 3 years later, on the anniversary of your joining the BAU. Little did you know that this was the day Spencer had realized his feelings toward you were a lot more than friendly. Nevertheless, the boy genius was terrified of how you would react, whether that be to laugh at him or possibly worse- feel sorry for him.

Taking in the confused look on his face, you giggled and your hand flew to his arm in excitement.

“The Star Trek theory you were talking about to Morgan and I yesterday- I finally figured it out!” Spencer smiled and took a careful sip of his coffee, taking in the easy-going smile that was plastered across your face and the accompanying gleam in your eyes. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, something that based on his current job, was very apparent to him. He could spend hours staring into your eyes, whether it be to distinguish each different color that presented itself and understand why your particular set of eyes were so beautiful, or to finally get some sort of a grasp on why he fell so hard for you so quickly. It would take a lifetime, he thought, to finally understand what made you so different from all the other people he had met in his lifetime.

Meanwhile, you had been going on for a solid 3 minutes about his Star Trek theory, he could only nod along, buried so far in his own thoughts that he couldn’t even hear you.

“You know?” You finally said, taking a second to catch your breath. Just like Spencer, you had a hard time with knowing when to stop talking without being told to do so. You tended to ramble, so if no one stopped you, you would go on forever.

Spencer simply smiled.

“Yeah. I know.”

Several hours had passed when you were finally able to move the mountain of paperwork from your desk to Hotch’s. You grinned, this was one of your favorite parts of paperwork days. You fiddled with the stack in your hand to reach up and knock on Hotch’s door, when you heard him already saying come in from the other side. He knew you were coming, considering how clockwork-like your work habits were.

“Hey Hotch, these need to be processed for Monday.” Hotch tried his best not to crack a smile at the smirk displayed on your face, and give you the pleasure of making him laugh. He thought you were hilarious, constantly having everyone in stitches throughout the day to make the reality of your careers a little less heavy- which is one of the reasons every person at the BAU loved you immediately. You were sarcastic and creative, and had great dad jokes to boot, ready at any opportunity.

“Thank you. Does Garcia need to see any of this to upload it into the system?” He asked, returning to the stone man he was previously.

“Nope.” You popped the P as you headed towards the door.

“(Y/L/N).” Hotch said. You turned around and he hadn’t even looked up at you. “You did some excellent work this week; grab Reid on your way out, I don’t want to see either of you for at least 3 days.” You grinned and wished him a good weekend, as he watched you walk out smiling. He shook his head and buried his head back into his work.

“Hey Professor,” You called as you bounded down the stairs. Reid flashed you a tight lipped smile as he so often did, and raised his eyebrows in response to the nickname.

“We’re done for 3 whole days!” You said as you packed your stuff haphazardly into your backpack. Spencer grinned and began packing his own things much more meticulously.

“Do you have anything exciting planned for this weekend?” He asked.

“Nah, unless you count going home to Gerald something exciting.” You said with a laugh. Reid smiled at the thought of the orange tabby that was oh so fond of him.

“Did you know that cats are actually an excellent judge of character? In a newspaper article I read from the early 90s, cats are actually extremely perceptive of humans upon first or second meeting, meaning that they can distinguish between good and bad based on a human character and emotion.” He said.

“I KNEW my cat hated Steven for a reason!” You said, recalling how your cat would do nothing but glare and his at your ex boyfriend, who ended up using you. “Do you have anything going on?” You asked. Spence shook his head, before looking at you with a small grin.

“How long have you been living in Virginia?” He asked.

“I don’t know, 3 years? Whenever I started working here I guess, why?” You hadn’t really given it much thought, it seemed like whatever life you had been living before this one seemed so far away. It hadn’t originally occurred to you that today was your 3rd anniversary of being with the BAU, and meeting Spencer.

“Have you ever been to the tourist sights?” He asked, pausing his stride outside of the elevator. You thought about it for a minute, and realized quickly where he was going with this.

“Nope! I always thought they were way too crowded for me whenever I got the free time to go.”

Spencer grinned. “Well then, Miss (Y/L/N), today is your lucky day.” You grinned back. No idea could have been better for your third anniversary of knowing and secretly loving Doctor Spencer Reid.

You had parted ways at your cars to shower and change, before meeting up around 8 pm so Spencer could show you around without tourists.

His hands were deep in his pockets as usual, as he carefully explained each monument in great detail. Considering you were a history major in college before going to FBI training and schooling, you were appreciative of Spencer’s long winded rambling, even able to inject your own knowledge in the quiet moments.

“And last but certainly not least, one of my favorite places in the city.” He said as you entered the World War II memorial. The water from the fountain was glistening in the moonlight as you took a deep breath, both from the breathless feeling Spencer gave you whenever he was around, and the sight before you. The stars and the moon lit up the night sky before you as the memorial itself framed it. No wonder this was one of Spencer’s favorite spaces, it was breathtaking. Then again, so was he. Very fitting.

“Spence…” You began, unsure where to go. You took a seat on the stairs behind you and took in the feeling in that moment, where you felt so relaxed and happy, beside your favorite person in the world.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He said, looking at you and smiling softly. “Really, really beautiful.” he whispered. You glanced in his direction to see his attention was focused on you, not the sky or the fountain beneath it. Your breath hitched in your throat.

“(Y/N),” Spencer swallowed hard and licked his lips quickly, a habit he had when he was nervous about something he had to say. “I-I don’t know how to say this but I’ve kind of been in love with you for about 2 years now. Sure, I knew you were beautiful the first day you stepped into the BAU but once I got to know you, the real you, when you really let your guard down and allowed me to fully understand how truly intelligent, kind, and hilarious you are is when I fell hard for you and I’m sorry it took me so long to say it but I’ve always been so afraid that you wouldn’t fe-” You grabbed Spencer’s face and pressed your lips onto his, immediately feeling him soften into the kiss after a moment of anxious surprise.

You pulled away first, your eyes wide and your mouth hanging slightly agape. Spencer just looked mildly surprised, before softening into a shy smile.

“I love you too, Spence. I knew the day I met you, that you were going to be the most unforgettable human being I had ever known.” You said softly, rubbing your thumb gently across his cheek.

“Um,” He looked down and flicked his eyes upwards, gently tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. “Can I kiss you again?”

You grinned and met him halfway, the second kiss equally as sweet as the first.

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athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit · 3 years

Text

Of Ice and Blood

Part 5

Look who's back with a 5k+ word count chapter?! Me!

I was planning on posting 1k+ at a time but stuff happened and I'm posting it all at once!

Enjoy and I'd appreciate it dearly if you reblog! Thank you!

Edit: Reached the 250 block limit so... The inevitable decision had to be made! Part 5 has a total of 3.42k words! The rest will be in a separate post <3

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, brief mentions of blood and injury.

Overall SFW (but 16+ for language)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 Part 6

The walk back to the school building was quiet.

Or so I thought.

Because it wasn't. At all.

Whispers, mutterings, echoed from the rooms as we passed by.

Are they doing it on purpose, or is my hearing sharper than usual?

"Hey look it's that girl."

"You mean the freak who sat beside the orc—"

"First day of school and someone already got killed. Should've expected him to be a savage."

"You think she wears a mask to hide her identity? Maybe she's a criminal-"

Probably the latter.

I shrugged. There stood a decent amount of distance between us anyway. So it's likely my hearing.

Students were watching us with weird suspecting eyes from a distance behind the windows. Sensing apprehension and outward hate when they saw Tai'chi next to me, his face in a neutral expression. But with my nose at this proximity, he smells pretty annoyed.

Just— why are there so many people,— humans–garnering these feelings towards someone they don't even know! And to even mock him like that! How dare —

"Pearl," Tai'chi called. His rich voice resonating, making the gossips of the students stop for a brief moment before they continued. Most likely slandering my name now. I didn't know I was standing still. Looking up, Tai'chi was a decent 9 meters away, with the staff members further ahead of him. He gave me a wondering look, worry along with his natural fragrance, drifted through me, carried by air.

I straightened up and took long strides, Tai'chi beside me, to catch up with them.

"Yeah, just thinking. I'm okay." Replying, not looking up to him. He didn't ask, but I felt like he would.

************short pov shift************

He was a bit bothered by the change in your scent and looked back when he noticed you weren't beside him anymore. There you were, standing in the middle of the wide hallway, brows scrunched up in aggravation.

He called out to you, probably a little louder than he meant to, but you looked up and hastily made your way beside him, both of you catching up to the rest towards the dean's office. He didn't ask, but you answered, only making him worry even more.

**********first person pov**************

As soon as we entered the main office of the center building, we were greeted with the sight of the dean and David, together with Miss Holson. He was a white fat man, though a bit taller than me, wearing a light grey suit with a few buttons open revealing a white undershirt, and a silly yellow, violet polka dot tie. I barely held back from snorting at the sight.

Mr. Silverstone was fussing over his son, his voice raised in slight panic was heard by everyone.

They went ahead of us then.

"My son! My dear, dear David! Who did this to you?!" he cried out. Once David, that son of a bitch, spotted me, he flashed me that blasted grin of his. He was acting, pretending to be hurt.

I hardly even left a scratch on him for fuck's sake. How I regret not punching him straight in the face.

Reverting to his fake, frightened, and miserable state, he pointed at me. "I-I-It's her father! She is the one who attacked me! Along with that thing with her."

Thing?! That sick bastard!

The dean whipped his head in my direction, eyes scanning me up and down before he diverted them to Tai'chi.

Well, it seems I'll ve packing up sooner than I thought.

My shoulders sagged.

Some professors were alarmed by this, frantically pushing forward to grab his attention.

"Mr. Silverstone, we still do not know what's for certain. We must interrogate them properly and listen to each of their sides before we make a decision." Mr. Dulrik asserted, his voice strained and close to animosity. He was not pleased with what the student had said.

The elder professor from earlier followed up.

"Listen to Mr. Dulrik, sir. We cannot take any risks and ju—"

"Silence!" the dean shouted. "I will not hear your reasoning. My son has told me everything I need to know. Miss Holson supported his claims and that's enough to decide what to do with these criminals."

Criminals?!

"The girl and that orc shall be expelled from this institution immediately. We do not need any murderers or barbarians here. I have always suspected why that Ernestine brat even allowed these monstrosities to be with us. To breathe the same air and walk the same land as we do, endangering our safety no less! A pathetic excuse of a founder she is! If it were me I would've—"

"You would've what?" Words came out before I stopped myself, my voice low, but it was heard still, drawing their attention to me.

"What did you just say?" He demanded, his anger slipping out more. The room was silent, except for the subtle ticking of the wall clock behind me, and the movement of air around us.

I lifted my head and looked at him dead in the eye. "You would've what?" This time, I replied, louder.

Before he could retort I went on, emotion fueling my words as I advanced with every question asked.

"Would've banned every single, non-human race from the university?

"Would've taught every human that they are greater beings and the ones that were different were meant to be stepped on?

"Would've ordered and tolerated bullying on anyone who was unnatural and weird looking?

"Would've put them in their place?

Isolate them? Degrade them? Despise them for being alive?" No-one stopped me as I approached him, the teachers separating and making way. Even Mr. Dulrik was regarding me curiously.

I scoffed. " 'If it were me' you said. You think I wouldn't notice how everyone else, that isn't human, was oppressed and treated like shit in this school? It seems to me that you already did what you would've done, didn't you? You are no dean, you are a clown, a pillock, a dumbass, and you call yourself human? You are more monster than any of us in this room."

I breathed heavily as I stood a couple of feet in front of him. His face grew to a crimson hue, my ears catching the sound of smoke seething out of him. At the back, David and Miss Holson were dumbfounded, shocked into place, shaken like ugly statues.

Finally, the dean spoke, his fists clenching hard as he faced me, almost drawing blood.

I am so gonna beat him up. Hell yeah, I will.

"Keep out of trouble if you can." Well, shit happened Mama, forgive me.

"How dare you speak to me like that! I, a pure-blood Silverstone, a line of royalty! If we were still at war I would've had you executed from where you stand—"

"How about you do it yourself then, oh mighty Silverstone jerk?" I mocked and gave a toothy smile, then I remembered he wouldn't see it. That was all it took to have him launching himself at me, the professors running to the sides to avoid his wrath.

His hands were balled tight, a fist aiming for my face, eyes filled with deadly intent.

Oh, he really wants to kill me.

Before it connected, I sidestepped, causing him to stumble forward. Even so, he immediately regained his balance and reached to grab my hoodie. I didn't dodge this time, but before he touched me, I used my right hand to slap it away. With my other hand, fitted with my crimson knuckle dusters, I met his fist with mine. Almost instantly, he stumbled back and crouched down, his left hand holding his bloodied one.

"You bitch!!!" he screamed in agony.

I think I broke his hand.

I glanced to my brass knuckles, some of the blood covering them, merely visible because of its color.

Shattered it perhaps.

"I will have you killed you insolent brat! I'll kill you!" he cursed.

"Now, now, Silverstone, you will do no such thing." A feminine voice cut through the large room. We all turned to the door to see a slim, tall, tanned woman who seemed to be in her 40s, her slightly wrinkled face showing it. She was wearing a black high-waist pencil skirt paired with a black one-button suit and a baby blue undershirt. The lady also wore classic white loafers and white hand gloves made of leather, with her ebony hair tied up in a bun.

Everything about her screams 'important'. I scented an intimidating yet reassuring aura around her.

I met her eyes and a sense of familiarity fell upon me. I know her and I've seen her before.

Wait. Could it be— she's—

"Madame Ernestine!" A professor exclaimed.

That means she's, "The founder," I said out loud.

She began sauntering in my direction, each step clicking on the floor, carrying herself with grace.

"M-Ma-Madame Ernestine!" The dean, shrieked as he stood up, shaking, his busted hand in his chest, his back facing me. "I didn't expect you to visit this year! We could've prepared for your arrival—"

"You shut your mouth now Welmir." She spoke out, her voice firm and borderline hostile. "I've had enough of your blabbering mug. I made it so that my arrival is unexpected. Leaving my outside duties rather early and rushed this year when news got to me that you, the dean, were neglecting your duties, or so, doing it wrong. Not to mention I had my assistant install extra cameras in... certain places last year and because of that, I saw what you did in the shadows. Maybe not all, but it confirmed my suspicions of you, and so," She clapped her together, "I decided to visit you today. And what a surprise it was to see you get beaten up by this lovely young lady behind you."

Me?! Lovely—

My face warmed from her comment.

"Listen here, brat." he regarded the founder. The founder. "I do not know what you are talking about. I have done my duties and more for this university. I made it so that everyone here is safe and this girl,"— he spat— "harmed me, my precious son, and his friends!"

"And all of you deserved it, severely," she responded flatly. "You put my dear students at risk and antagonized them with your schemes, tolerating the behavior of treating other races like animals, disrespecting even the professors who are different in kind," she glanced at Mr. Dulrik and the others. "You even forced a minotaur, an elf, and a dwarven student to act the part of being in a student council, hoping people wouldn't notice the crimes you did behind our backs. Did you expect me to turn blind eye to this?"

It was all pretend?!

The mere thought of what he did to threaten them to it makes me wanna puke.

"I am furious, Welmir Silverstone. To think I believed you'd change your ways after my father's death with the renovation of the institute. Trusted you to do your job as dean and make the students comfortable, welcomed. But, no. You chose to follow his footsteps, became selfish, blinded by greed and pointless hate. You are a disappointment to all of us."

I smelled her rage under that near non-expressive facade of hers. It was spicy, like fire having an odor of its own.

"You are but a child! You know nothing of this world! This world of ours needs to be purged off of those rats. You cannot tell me what to do!" He yelled as he brought up his uninjured hand to hit her. I was about to step in when Madame Ernestine grabbed his arm and threw a right uppercut, blood spilling out of his jaw. The punch sent him a few steps back, he would have landed on me if I didn't move out of the way before he collapsed on the floor groaning and holding his mouth.

Ooh she's strong! Nice! I grinned.

"You are hereby stripped off of your job as dean along with all of your titles, properties, and henceforth banished from these grounds, together with your son and Emma Holson, whom I found out laid with him, and the abusive acts they had engaged in." Her words laced with poison, disgust and anger as she gave the final judgement.

"Never show yourselves. Ever. Again," she spat. "Take them away."

Out of nowhere, men in black suits came in and apprehended the young instructor, who twisted her heel trying to escape. She yelled at them to let her go, saying she has done nothing wrong. David, the bastard, was held in place by one of them as he struggled in their grasp. The dean— or should I say, Mr. Silverstone, in pain and bleeding, was dragged up by two others and headed straight out of the door. He shouted ;

"Mark my words, brat! I will—"

And the door slammed close.

With my gaze following them, my eyes landed on Tai'chi. I took off my dusters and waved, tucking them back up my sleeve.

He is smiling! And oh wow he's damn gorgeous— wait what?

My attention was drawn away to the lady in front of me. I got distracted by Tai'chi that I almost forgot about her.

"Oh my God I uhm— hello Madame Ernestine." I took one step back before bowing. "It's an honor to meet you. I—"

"Oh dear, please raise your head. No need for such formal gestures. I am Valerie Ernestine, founder of the new Ernestine State University." She stated as she beamed at me.

"I uh- Yes ma'am I know of you. I'm quite a fan actually— I mean! My name is Pearl Blackbell, ma'am."

Oh God, that sounded so stupid.

Then she hugged me.

"Ma'am?!" I squeaked. My arms went stiff, nervous to even touch her. Before I could, she pulled back, a gentle expression on her face.

"Nice to meet you, Pearl Blackbell."

"I- nice to meet you too Ma'am Ernestine!" I stammered, praying my face and ears isn't as red as I feel them to be.

"Please, call me Valerie."

"Ma'am Valerie."

"Just Valerie, dear."

"I'm so sorry ma'am but I can't— my mother will hit me in the head with a frying pan if I forget my manners."

"Very well, then. It brings me joy that you were raised properly by your parents."

"Thank you ma'am, I really am happy to have them, and I only hope for them to be proud of me— oh wait. Uh, ma'am Valerie?"

"Yes?"

"Am I gonna get punished or expelled?" I shrunk, expecting the worst.

"Why ever did you think of that?"

"W-Well you see, I did harm uh, students and they're probably in the infirmary right now and—"

"Oh, Pearl, no." She let out a light chuckle. "You won't be punished or even expelled for that! In fact, I saw how you defended yourself and your friend from them. They did attack you first, sweetie. And what you did was impressive!" She clapped her hands. As I stood there in relief, I couldn't help but shot up when the words sank in.

"Oh, thank you. But how...?"

"Apparently, I had my assistant install some cameras in the forest area for particular reasons. I watched you from the monitor as I made my way here," she replied.

"Oh. Oh, wow. That's actually pretty awesome," I sighed.

"Indeed, it is," she smiled. "Excuse me for a bit."

******pov shift to 2nd person (two characters)*****

Madame Ernestine turned and walked towards the remaining teachers to talk about important matters at hand.

"Greetings, my friends." She beamed at the staff and looked at Professor Dulrik and the woman who supported him earlier. "Hello, Roldo and Amila. I have missed you dearly." She bent down to hug the two of them before she went on. "I apologize for not taking action immediately. To think he did this to all of you right under my nose! Why didn't you contact me Roldo?"

"My apologies, Madame Ernestine. I didn't have any proof to show his plot against you and the others. He was very elusive and kept us very busy in our own offices for the past year with you away. That was until today, with the young lady over there standing up against his son, he snapped."

"It really is a good thing she came here, didn't she?" she whispered.

"Indeed, Madame," Amila replied.

There was a brief silence, before Valerie spoke up again. Her gaze locked at the dwarven professor.

"Roldo, my old friend, I want you to take your place as the new dean of this university. I trust you to do your duty a hundred percent better than that impudent man ever did. Will you accept this responsibility?"

"I- Valerie this is-"

"Roldo, you are wise and have seen things most of us here have not. I will not force you on something you do not want, but I put my faith in you, to help me, along with the rest of the staff, to teach everyone here that all of us stand in equal ground, and that we must respect and acknowledge each individual, regardless of their kind. No one, no student, should ever feel uncomfortable in this haven of mine."

"I understand, Valerie." The dwarf took a deep breath and vowed;

"I, Roldo Dulrik, son of Grol II, son of Frerin, accept the responsibilities given to me as dean of Ernestine State University. I will do my duty to the best of my abilities, and remain loyal to you and to this institution." He responded as he thumped his right fist against his chest.

"I know you will, my friend." Valerie grinned at him, her eyes full of trust and hope.

While they were occupied with discussing certain issues, you tried to sneak away, only to be called back by Madame Ernestine.

"Pearl, my dear."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Thank you."

She had a soft smile, emotions clear on her face, directed at you. The founder, Valerie was thanking you for your bravery, kindness and overall honesty. You simply nodded and grinned from ear to ear behind your mask. You were, however, suddenly nervous when Valerie and the two professors approached you. No, actually, all of them were, but the others are heading out of the office, perhaps to go back to their respective classrooms and start working, they gave their thanks as they went out.

"Pearl Blackbell, a wonderful name!" Professor Dulrik remarked. "May the Gods bless you and shine upon you in all your days," he grinned. Before you could reply, Professor Amila hugged you and whispered. "Thank you, for beating up those idiots," —which made you giggle— "It was the right thing to do, and also I had to defend myself. and thank you, Professor Dulrik."

"Nonsense, call me Professor Roldo, lass." He patted your shoulder as he went past you and out of the office, but not before he slapped Tai'chi's forearm.

"You best protect her if you can, lad. Even so, it is obvious she won't need protecting!" He laughed, and went on, quietly, as if whispering. "...Be her friend, my boy. Her eyes...they show the pain she had gone through. You saw that in her, didn't you?"

Tai'chi simply nodded in response. He knew what he meant.

"Then do what you must. If word ever comes to me that you hurt her, I will hunt you down with me battle axe hidden in my office, you hear?"

This time, he chuckled. "I hear you, Professor. I won't. I swear on the the name of my clan, no harm will befall on her." He told him, his voice firm and true.

"That's what I'm talking about, lad!" He replied as he finally exited the room.

Tai'chi shifted his gaze to you. You and the dean were still talking so he stood there, patiently.

"We best be on our way. We still have a number of things to set straight. We will see you around, Miss Blackbell. Don't get into trouble now." The founder giggled.

"I will try my best, ma'am."

"Oh sure you will, sweetie. Goodluck. And oh, the two of you should start going back. It's past lunchbreak afterall." She said as the two ladies sauntered past you and went out.

"Thank you, we will." You said, mostly to yourself.

**************************************

Part 6 will be posted shortly! Like, shortly shortly. Like, an hour or so shortly. Stay tuned! Thank you for reaching this point uwu✨

Tags: @crackinanutshell @kokokatsworld @mitchiesdungeon <3

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0aurelion-sol0 · 3 years

Text

SNK 134: Why we need to move forward.

Well...

That's horrifying...

Oh but whatever they are probably bad people in there. Thieves, greedy people, hateful mothers, men who beat their wives , liars, bullies, killers, murderers, rapist, child rapist and racist babies.

Yeah...

This is a rhetoric that has been used for ages and is currently being used in this fandom especially on reddit and 4chan.

The justification of injustice.

When George Floyd was slammed on the ground and died because he couldn't breathe anymore, conservatives and republicans at large ignored the police brutaliy leading up to that.

He was just a cocaine or drug addict who one day pointed a gun at a pregnant lady. So he was a criminal and deserved that.

Of course ignoring the racial segregation that happened from the very legalized slavery hundreds of years ago and how poor and racially stigmatized black people are being in America right now.

When the Uyghurs are being genocided by China, the world blinds itself because China is one the worlds necessary assets in economy as it basically produces a good chunk of what is being used in the world. Most made by children, " but it makes us live "... Apparently that's the only logical reason...

When Palestinians and Israelis are literally killing each other over some complicated non sense that no one ever really understands and also Israël basically doing Apartheid at this point,

When the totality of the Middle East has turned into a warzone because of the United States's violent imperialism,

When most far right or extremist group decided that Islam and Islamic terrorism are the same thing,

When xenophobes and racist always attack immigration,

"If she wasn't wearing that skirt, she probably wouldn't have been raped",

When we have homophobes, transphobes, LGBTphobes, telling us what's natural and always bragging about "\___-_-___/ God, Holy Jesus",

When you have people who tells you that poor people chose their way of living when there are a small percent of billionaires and soon to be trillionaires having such a gigantic amount of wealth,

When 6 millions Jews were genocided which was 40% of Jewish people at the time and 2/3 of European Jews,

When the prime minister of Israël is saying that the Holocaust wasn't Hitler's Idea but Haj Amin al-Husseini, (who was extremely anti semitic, don't get me wrong)who suggested it to him maiking the prime minister a revisionist but at the same time making his actions against Palestinians justified,

When around the world Christianic places of worship are being vandalized,

When entire SYSTEMS of segregations have made societies work,

When the South American continent has been attacked by the United States because of different political beliefs,

When people use their rape as a way to attack other communities of a specific religion or color,

When Black Panthers uses racism against White people because of the story of USA and are being anti semitic but essentializing a whole group,

When Nationalistic Israelis tells you what is a good Jew and what isn't a good Jew,

When dozens of groups have been forced to extinction,

Natives who were being murdered, yeah? YOU DON'T SEE THAT A LOT IN YOUR COWBOY MOVIES ?

When literal "feminist" calls for the destruction of men while they can't educate the kids about what to do and what not to do, OH, can also be transphobic apparently,

When you have entire websites who encourages pedophilia,

And pedophiles killed, left alone and live a life of endless torment while no one does nothing to help them and fight those who encourages it even in the highest places of our society,

Oh and Hollywood, that's all I need to say.

And let's not even talk about animal brutality and the destruction of ecosystems.

And there is more and more and more and more and more and FUCKING MORE,

All that because of reasons, reasons, reasons, reasons,

All stuck in a cycle of hate, violence and discrimination that just never ends.

The selfishness,

The greed,

And at end, everything is meaningless. There is just blood.

This is what this chapter represent the meaningless of it all. How everything goes to shit...

How everyone, whether it's the oppresor or the oppresed, will justify the violence, the injustice.

Society does nothing cause society right now runs for the entitled and the entitled only and creates it's own monsters.

I want to ask those people who defend the rumbling.

After everything we saw in this manga, after what the real world has commited, after how much these real events have inspired this story, how can you say it was the only way ?

After everyone hided Hange valuable informations including Eren who had information about KRUGER who was a spy in MARLEY. Who has created a civil war in Eldia and activated the rumbling while killing Eldian civilians in the way.

After seeing the mental breakdown of Bertolt, who we don't hear about anymore, Annie and Reiner's mental breakdown over GENOCIDING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE, by the way Reiner totally didn't develop another persona at that time to cope with what he was doing, HUH ?

After all the deaths, Carla, Grisha, Dina, Faye Marco, Levi's squad, Ymir, Erwin, Sasha, Hange, Hannes, Floch and many others, how can you go and be like "CHAD EREN, BEING DADDY, FUCKING HIS MEAT WAIFU, PHILOSOPHER FREEDOM SEEKER"

"104th crybabies... xDdDDDD Prfrpfr"

Come on...

This isn't serious at this point.

And for the H character, we're gonna come back for her but...

GODDAMNIT!

THANK YOU, DEATH.

This has sparked debates.

Some are thankful for this speech by the commander.

Others are finding it disingenous.

Others think it's too on the nose and not natural.

Others don't care.

On my part, I enjoy it but I take it with the context. Most of their airships have been destroyed and they are facing their doom upfront right now. It's more of a death plea at this point. Just like in the cave with Histor... GOD IT'S SO HARD SAYING HER NAME... with Historia who said truly horrible things at the point of an imminent death. At that moment, words like this can tell what you really are inside but even that is not enough to have a full picture.

It did have some interesting elements.

It is true, using, raising, breeding hate and shoving problems upon a group will always come bite you up the ass someday.

Marley in their extensive and violent coloniaslistic, imperialiatic behavior towards Eldia creates only weaknesses for them on an international field and create this monstruosity that is right now Eren.

Eren, a soldier who suffer from trauma and PTSD, who has terrible insecurities and everything to lose after losing so much and possibly in my book being influenced by another entity decides to kill them all.

But...

In no way does that justify Eren's actions, in fact it goes against it.

He is just as angry and hateful as they were back then but instead of destroying the system, he decides to genocide.

Essentializing the whole world as your ennemy and problem, and deciding to get rid of it is just continuing what has been started and continued for hundreds of years before.

No one ever thinks about the simple families, the innocent children, the homeless...

What about them Eren ?

What about the people who faced discrimination like Ramzi ?

What about the other groups that are almost extinct just like yours ?

What about the groups that tried to support the Eldians but were considered freaks ? HUH ?

What about the babies and innocent children ?

Isayama is even spelling it out for you this chapter.

Is he not worth it ? To stop all this ?

He was born into this world just like every other baby.

Look at that while everyone, is trying to jump off, their trying to save the baby. Even if it's probably impossible. That's humanity right there.

And... jesus christ...

I literally saw people who said that the mother was dumb to give it to the people because titans were behind them.

I can't even...

Imagine if Eren is the daddy of H's Baby and that he completes the genocide, killing his friends or even persuading them and at the end he is saying you are free to this baby.

So this baby is worth more than this baby ?

He is more legitimate to live than him.

I can't even imagine what the arguments would be like with the Eren stans:

"He's protecting his friends."

While literally challenging them to fight and right now trying to kill them.

"Well, you know the Rumbling is horrible but they got what was coming for them. They did nothing to help Paradise."

While forgetting the complexity of human nature, how banalization of these acts of violence have come to be BECAUSE...

These just like me and you are just simple people. With simple lives and not too much power who can't do anything about it.

Most of the people today sees all the suffering in the world, they just don't have the power, nor the will to go against such complex geo-political conflicts.

Would you be able to just resolve the Israelo-Palestinian conflict ? I don't think so, so shut your ass down with this argument.

These people can't change the world with power that they have and the one that has the power to change that, is killing them right now. BRAVO.

" Well, uh, the child is a child, parents might be racist and uh... child maybe is racist or will become racist..."

God...

Just because someone has done horrible shits or is an horrible shit doesn't mean he should die like this.

Here it is people, how we work as human :

Fuck redemption and possible solutions, let's kill everyone who did something bad.

Y'all would have been perfect during monarchies time.

And like... having an argument on a baby should face genocide is just fucking disgusting.

AND DON'T GIVE ME THE BULLCRAP OF FICTION DOESN'T EQUAL REALITY!

That you are interested into what could bring the Rumbling in terms of thematics and story is fine.

BUT ENDORSING IT ?

Do y'all even hear yourselves sometimes ?

You just sound like every racist, bigoted, fascist and violent person that has ever existed.

You're just excited to see someone die because he commited something wrong, sadistic pricks.

You're no different. Perhaps the guy who was talking to Grisha in chapter 97, who was a Marleyan and gave serums to Eldian is right. When he was talking to Grisha, Isayama use it to break the fourth wall and talk to the readers.

Why do we watch this, all this violence ?

" Because it's fun!"

" People take peace for granted!"

" Of course we're abnormal in society's eyes."

" We wish to exterminate all eldians!"

" Your sister did nothing wrong. Shame she was an Eldian!"

The fun fact is that this guy is a racist fuck but he dies pushed by Kruger and killed by his very own creation: a titan.

Why do people endorse genocide ?

" Because it's justice!"

" They got what was coming for them!"

" Isayama is just showing us that genocide is not really wrong if you just understand the concept of morals. Puritans."

" Humanity can die, they deserve it!"

" I'm sad for Ramzi, he didn't do nothing wrong but you know... maybe he didn't have good ideas about Eldians."

While also saying why children could deserve genocide. \____@-@____/

Of course I found most of these on Reddit and 4chan, the nazi propaganda website. Tumblr is a little free of it.

Babies....

Literally babies...

That remind me of somethin'...

OH YEAH!

QUEER NO MORE.

*put gloves on*

PUUUUUUUSSHH!!! COOOOOOOMMEEE OOONN!!!!

Breathe...

I SEEEEE THE HEAAADDD, IT'S HEREEEEEE!!!!

Natalie, bring the bucket, quick!

Of fuck she shitted on herself a little bit!

_________________________________________

So ?

Y'all like my fanfic ?

It's about how Erehisu is canon and how Historia is actually thinking about Eren right now because she is blushing.

But also about how Historia actually looks good and sexy while being pregnant and how she looks so happy!

She also is a lesbian that turned straight.

I'm so proud of my work.

_________________________________________

In all honesty...

This is... dissapointing and an insult to Historia fans. Why ? What is the purpose or the reason ? Being tragic ? To show how far Historia can go to protect her loved ones ? A female Eren so ?

I always leaned towards the fake pregnancy even if I don't know how something like that could be really pulled. I didn't understand this choice for his storytelling. The others I understand but this one...

O_o

What the fuck ?

So she really is pregnant ? But nothing leading up to it makes sense.

The character whose thematics still rings too much true for this arc is put in the background and as a breeding farm on top of that.

It even came to a point I started people to stop asking about her.

I had faith in her presence in the final arc. That she would have a role play.

But now ?

/\/\/\

For people who don't understand why this aspect of story is wrong, we have to break it down.

First off, Historia one of the first queer characters with Ymir in SNK. Others are suspected but these two are the few that holds a definitive representation as queer.

Most often in media or in real life, LGBT people have been forced into a situation that requires them to fall under heterosexuals lives. Here Historia is forced to be pregnant, yes in a way she agreed because of her people, but at the same time she didn't really want it.

For queer people, like me, this still rings true. Too much true. People literally forces you to go for your opposite sex everytime, to have a family.

No, stop forcing your view of your own life or desire of life on other people.

The fact that the fandom rationalizes that and says that she is happy and in love with Eren is just so fucking weird.

It either is blind ship following, heteronormativity or not understanding the story.

And I saw people saying she might be bisexual. This doesn't change anything. Also ignoring the fact that she hasn't shown any attraction to men other than women in the story.

If she is bisexual, it doesn't change anything, she is still queer. Not semi-straight AND EVEN IF SHE WAS A WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO BE STRAIGHT, SHE IS STILL FORCED INTO SOMETHING SHE DID NOT WANT.

Bisexual is not semi-straight, semi-gay.

It's bisexual.

Bisexual, Straight and Homosexuality are not the same thing.

And if she was straight, that doesn't make it acceptable. It's just sick.

Just because you're a straight woman doesn't mean you are going to be more happy or have god like duty to have kids.

I just don't understand it...

A manga who was so progressive with his female characters reduces Historia to this.

Imagine...

Just imagine...

Eren is the father. I would shoot myself in the face. A forced straight relationship at the end for the pleasure of shonen readers and heteronormative readers.

" What if I have baby, Eren ?"

" Only if it is from me. I want him to live and have FREEDOM!"

" It's open bar, honey." *saying this after hearing the guy says he's going to genocide which goes against her own values and actions as queen*

Ew... Just ew...

And even worse she wasn't supposed to give birth right now, she was supposed to give birth in a few months.

She could DIE. SHE IS 19. This is dangerous.

Everyone is like this is normal.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. *sigh*

This goes against what she is supposed to have as a character development.

The fact that she would be okay for genocide while as a queen she reached out to the most weak and in need is fucking incoherent.

No. This doesn't make sense. Even Eren said that Historia's action as a queen were to help others. How could she be okay sitting at her house ? Telling no one about what Eren was going to do ? And becoming a breeding farm ? What is the logic in that ?

Why make it suspicious than ?

The only thing that was able to make any logical sense to me was that the person we are seeing here isn't Historia.

I know if my theory is right, it's sick, even more sick.

The only times we saw Historia after the timeskip was during flashbacks, the reveal at 107 and possibly at the end of 123.

If this is her at the end of 123, I want to ask you why is she all prepared, why is she all dressed up and why is she wearing the same clothes in 134 that she is wearing 107. Something doesn't add up.

She is young, small-petite, blonde and her belly and face are hidden.

I was only able to go through the theory that this is a fake Historia. Than who it is than ?

Well, I searched for female characters who look like her or who could look like Historia right now. From all the characters that we haven't seen coming coming back and that has interacted with Historia, there is only one.

Rico Brzenska.

For those, who don't remember her : She was a Garrison Member who helped Mikasa and Eren during the Trost Arc and also helped Historia while she was exhausted during the Clash of the Titans Arc.

She hasn't appeared ever since the start of the Return to Shiganshina Arc unlike many of the older characters.

She is the only one I see who could pass as Historia I think.

I know this is still sick. But this is the only way I would be able to make Historia get out of this crappy storyline and play some relevance in the story. And if we look at Rico and Historia in 107, they kinda look the same. They have the heart shaped face, they are both small and they both have this sort of closed eyelids.

One line that just stuck with me of Rico was:

"Hiding/Lying about Eren's rampage in the report wouldn't have benefited humanity. "

This was during Eren's trial before joining the Survey Corps. What was discused was when Eren lost control of himself during the Trost Arc and attacked Mikasa.

The second line that struck was the one where she holds Historia who is exhausted in her arms:

"Wow! Who is this girl, is she okay ?"

I don't know why it just pushed that theory. And I kinda believe it now, because no one can make me believe that there is something satisfying coming out of this. Why would she sacrifice herself for Historia ? Well, I don't really know but Rico was always a little wary of Eren, even after the Trost Arc but yeah ultimately for Rico being able to give her own life for Historia. I don't know about that. But with this manga you never now. It is a very dark and twisted theory but this is the only logical thing I can see right now since no answers have been provided.

Monkey is BACK

Zeke is back and like most of us predicted, Eren dragged him with him. And I'm not gonna lie, the way he was attached to the spine was pretty badass.

He is used as a puppet which reinforces the theory for me that all three of them: Eren, Ymir and Zeke are being used by the Attack Titan.

I cannot understand Eren's illogical behavior especially after seeing the train scene where he says he wants them to live long happy lives and than having him kill his friends.

Ymir the first being free and having eyes to returning to having no eyes just like before and Eren.

And Zeke would have never agreed to the Rumbling. And we can't see his eyes either.

And...

Thank you, 104th for existing.

Because...

After how much shit they have gone through and after how much the fandom, not just the Eren stans, have mocked them. Like the fandom has been the biggest asshole to the the Alliance while they were the ones who were able to survive through the sentence " Genocide is wrong!" that so many people seems to find to be so hard to say.

I will root for them until the bitter end, I don't care. They are the one who are fighting. You can call Cringevengers all you want but I am glad they are winning.

They all suffered like Eren but they didn't prioritize their own and only feelings above everything else and they stood by for the values they fought for since they joined the Survey Corps. Even if I have to admit they have, for most of them, conflicted feelings with what they were doing and have done things like trying to talk to Eren while it's obvious he wasn't going to talk and that in a situation like this I don't think someone would try to stop Eren by just talking.

Levi, and it would be foolish to not recognize it, is being consumed by his promise but he is restraining it and still is able to think about the bigger picture.

There's one thing I really like about this is Armin asking Eren:

"Eren... I'll ask you one last time... "What part of you is free" after we rip you out from there... "

Hehe... yes... what part of you is free ?

To be honest, there's many things I don't want for the ending.

A Lelouch Ending, it was all Eren's plan. Literally wouldn't make sense. No one would be questionning his free will and he wouldn't have these weird shits happening to him.

A Code Geass ending, why would Mikasa have to kill Eren, what does that add to her as a character ? More tragedy ? No she doesn't have the scarf, it's pretty telling what place she's at right now.

Eren being the daddy. NO, JUST NO.

Everyone dies, genocide is the right thing. You know all the worst shit that can happen.

But most of all I want important plot points to be explored and moved over because ever since the timeskip, there has been no important plot points out the way. Eren's behavior, Ackertalk, Bertolttalk, Historia's Condition, Paths stuffs, answers!

Whatever... Trust me Peace is not something I take for granted. Being proud of myself and having a life with the least conflict and problem is something you fight for. Having rights, being recognized as a human.

Never lose that, fight for it. But never with injustice, be smarter and stronger. Cause at the end what unites us is not only what we have in common but what the perspective of what we have not in common can make a bigger picture of what we are as humans. We all are different and have a different story with similarities but in the end, we are human and born into this world. And in that, we must move forward. In the present, because of the past and for the future.

We all wish for the problems to go away but if it's for the solutions to be rigged with injustice, it will not work. No one has acheived with genocide and never will.

It's kinda sad that this long of a post has to say this. Did y'all see that ? Pretty inspiring what I wrote. Oh well you know what ? If they can be bigoted why can't I myself.

Here's a song I wrote:

(Fuck everyone and you.

We hate women

There are only 2 genders, the breeder and the breeded.

Everything is degenerate.

We hate brown, Arab and Muslim people.

Genocide is cool

And Hitler was too.)

I know but you know what, at least if they want a spy for Nazi Germany someday. They'll know not to give it to me because I'd laugh at the stupidity of the people just like you and I are doing with the rest of world cause for all the shits it gives us, it's entertaining.

youtube

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emachinescat · 3 years

Text

Lest Back the Awful Door Should Spring

A Tales of Arcadia: Trollhunters Fan-Fiction

By @emachinescat

@febuwhump day 3 - imprisonment

Summary: Sequel to my previous fic, “That I Could Fear a Door.” When Jim is arrested by the Tribunal and thrown in prison, something in him breaks again that he thought had been fixed. Suddenly, it’s like he’s back in the Darklands, reliving the worst moments of his life that seem determined to never let him go.

Characters: Jim Lake Jr.

Words: 2,223

TW: Panic attack, Depression, PTSD

Keep reading here or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging!

I fitted to the latch

My hand, with trembling care,

Lest back the awful door should spring,

And leave me standing there.

I moved my fingers off

As cautiously as glass,

And held my ears, and like a thief

Fled gasping from the house.

- From “Home” by Emily Dickinson

Jim wouldn’t go so far as to say that his life had gone back to normal after re-adjusting to life outside of the Darklands, but he had fallen into a new kind of rhythm that allowed him to live again. He was more like his old self in many ways - he smiled again, for one. He didn’t laugh as much as he used to, but when he did it was genuine, and his life and Trollmarket and school and home didn’t feel so much like they belonged to someone else anymore. He still had nightmares, but even they were coming less frequently.

His confidence was coming back, too - slowly. As his thinned, weakened frame began to fill out once more and lean muscles reformed, as cuts and bruises shrunk and changed color and finally disappeared, he felt better. More like his old self. He didn’t actively avoid mirrors anymore. He still struggled with feeling like he wasn’t enough, like he hadn’t been strong enough or brave enough or trusted his friends enough or fought back against Gunmar enough, but his bi-weekly chats with Nomura had started to break up those thought patterns, too.

It got harder, and he felt himself slipping back into old fears and feelings, when they could no longer deny the horrible truth that Gunmar had escaped from the Darklands, that he had followed Jim through. A part of Jim wished that he himself had just stayed there, that his friends would have let the bridge get buried, and that he had died there. Then his friends, his town, his whole world, wouldn't be living in the impending shadow of Gunmar’s brutal reign.

He held himself together though, mostly, because the best thing he could do for his friends and Arcadia was to work tirelessly against Gunmar’s return and fight even harder to keep the two worlds he inhabited - troll and human - safe until they could find a way to defeat the Gumm-Gumm king or send him back to hell.

He hit a very rocky patch when Draal got possessed. When he’d refused to fight his friend in the hallway of his school, when he saw those glowing, blank eyes and heard the voice from his nightmares taunt from his friend’s mouth like poison squeezed from a stone, it wasn’t just because he didn’t want to hurt Draal that he held back. He didn’t realize it until after the battle, after Draal had gone and he was alone in his room trying to process all that had happened, but there had been a small part of him that was hoping that his efforts to defend himself would be half-hearted enough for Draal to land a killing blow. It wasn’t necessarily that he wanted to die. But he didn’t think he’d be too broken up about it if he did.

But his guilt had soon been replaced with a rushing rage and determination - Gunmar had taken too much already; he would not have Draal! - and soon he was pushing forward, friends at his side, defending Arcadia and Trollmarket, searching tome after tome in Blinky’s vast collection in any ounce of spare time for a cure, anything that would save Draal.

He managed to stay strong - though if it weren’t for Toby and Claire, Blinky and Aaarrrgghh, Draal and Nomura, he would have crumbled long ago - and to fight off the demons that had been raging war against his mind and soul since the moment he’d entered the Darklands alone.

That is, until he was arrested by the Tribunal on his way down to Trollmarket after a surprisingly fun day in detention. The moment Usurna’s guards grabbed his arms and started hauling him away, everything that Jim had so carefully and painfully pieced back together shattered, like he was a child who had glued a broken vase back together hoping no one would notice, but someone slammed a door too hard and the glue couldn’t hold…

He didn’t even hear Claire and Toby calling after him, demanding that he be released. He barely even registered the shocked and indignant faces of his friends in Trollmarket who watched as he was dragged between two enormous trolls, their stone-like hands completely dwarfing his arms, like he was a criminal or a traitor.

He didn’t struggle at first. He just stared ahead. He could only feel the pressure of the brutes’ paws around his arms, strong enough to break each one with the tiniest of twitches. He had been here before, felt the cold, unrelenting grip, felt the toes of his sneakers drag and catch on stone. He knew what came after.

Cages that shocked, near-starvation, pain and beatings and abuse and fear and darkness and fighting, again and again, exhausted, dying, please no, not again!

And then he was fighting, thrashing and bucking and very nearly wrenching his arms out of their sockets in the process. If the trolls holding him had fought against him, he might not even have arms anymore. And yet he still struggled, needing to get away, to be free, no more hands touching him, grabbing him, throwing him, no more bars or cages or prisons, please -

And then he was airborne, having been tossed like a bag of dirty laundry by the trolls flanking him, and his armor clanged as he hit the back of a cage in Trollmarket’s prison. Not even registering the pain in his arms or head, he lunged to his feet, metal boots slipping slightly on the slick floor of the cage, escape his only thought, his only goal, he could figure the rest out later.

With a jarring ring of metal on metal, the cage door slammed shut in his face, and he fell back, balance askew, as the cage was pulled up by a heavy chain, almost to the ceiling, before being tied off. He hung there, barely able to comprehend the swaying of his claustrophobic prison, only seeing the bars and still feeling the great hands on his arms and flashing between the small metal cage and a damp, cold cell with glowing orange bars. He tried to fight off the panic, but it already had him in its crushing grip, weighing down on his chest so heavily that he fought for breath. Why did this keep happening to him? Didn’t they know, couldn’t they tell, that he didn’t want to be here?

Jim curled in on himself as much as his armor would allow, resting his chin on the hard, cool plates on his knees. He tried to ground himself, remind himself that this wasn’t the Darklands, that he wasn’t in the hands of Gunmar, and even if Usurna did plan on executing him like he’d vaguely heard her say as he was lifted higher and higher, surely she would maintain order and keep him safe throughout the trial. Her guards wouldn’t throw him around like Gunmar’s had. And his friends would flatten anyone who tried.

His friends…

Slowly, with great effort, Jim began the arduous, perilous climb out of his own mind, flinching at the nightmares bleeding through the cracks, reaching out their dark tendrils and trying to drag him back down.

When Jim finally opened his eyes and lifted his head, it was to see that he was alone, save for the other trolls in prison, eyeing him curiously. Jim’s breath caught in his throat - where were they? How could they leave him here, like this? Alone, in a cage, caught between the present and the past and not wanting to be a part of either.

He couldn’t know that while he had been fighting to wrest control of himself, battling the delirious fog of memories, that his friends had been forcibly herded out of the room by Usurna and Vendel - Usurna because she was determined to keep a tight hold over things until the details of the trial could be sorted, and Vendel because he knew showing favoritism would only cost the Trollhunter more in the long run.

If Jim were in his right mind, fully in this world and not limping with one foot in the Darklands, he wouldn’t have thought for a moment that his friends would have willingly abandoned him. After all, they’d stuck by him at his very worst, when he’d all but lost himself and almost didn’t find his way back. They’d proven they’d do anything for him, even when he messed up. So they wouldn’t abandon him now.

But Jim wasn’t in his right mind.

He was terrified, in a limbo of things that had already happened and that he wanted nothing more than to forget and things that were happening now that had brought the past out of hiding. He wanted nothing more than to go home, to hug his mom and curl up under his blankets with his walkie-talkie and joke around with Toby until late in the night, to read comics and daydream about Claire and watch Gun Robot. He was angry, and hurt, and not sure what was real anymore. The bars of the cage loomed all around him, and were they getting closer? Were they glowing orange?

Trembling, his chest heaving with the effort it took to draw in a breath, hands and feet tingling like he’d been sitting on them all day, a high ringing in his ears and his stomach curdling like he’d just finished a glass of year-old milk, Jim folded in on himself and gave in to the darkness that was calling him, praying that sleep would come, or death, he didn’t care which at this point and it felt like he was dying anyway…

He woke up screaming. A series of clangs rent the air and ricocheted off the walls of the underground prison as his cries startled his fellow prisoners awake, and the sounds and grumbles and growls of, Keep it down, jeez almost sent Jim into another panic attack.

But his mind was a little clearer with sleep, and he sat up from where he’d been slumped, half against the floor of the cage and half against the bars. His pulse still seemed to rattle his bones, and his muscles were tense and sore - from being manhandled, but also from the intense desire to move, to run, even though there was nowhere to run to.

The nightmares had brought him perfect clarity. He realized that he had never asked for any of this: not the amulet, not the role of Trollhunter, not the constant danger he put himself in, not the pain or the trauma of the Darklands, even if he had gone in of his own free will, and not this.

Well, he’d had it. He was done. He’d put everything on the line, gone through the unspeakable, been hurt again and again, had brought back Claire’s brother, had saved his friends and Arcadia and Trollmarket more times than he could count… and where had it gotten him?

Caged like an animal, no escape, almost certainly awaiting an unpleasant death, abandoned by his friends, left alone in the dark.

He only hesitated for a fraction of a second before removing the amulet and feeling his armor peel away, leaving him small and vulnerable. There had been good times. Surely his friends hadn’t meant to leave him like this, all alone. Probably they had no choice. And often he had enjoyed being the Trollhunter. It had given him a sense of purpose, more friends than he’d ever had before, the knowledge that he was truly making a difference.

The moment of uncertainty retreated as quickly as it had encroached, and he flung the amulet through the bars of the cage, as far from his body as he could, both dreading and anticipating the moment when it would fly back to him.

He’d never had any choice.

His skin was crawling as the amulet materialized in his hands once more. He wanted to climb out of his own skin, ram himself into the bars of the cage until he somehow broke through or collapsed into a bloody pulp onto the floor. He just needed to get away.

And so, when a disembodied voice spoke out of the amulet and introduced itself as Unkar the Unfortunate and offered to take him on an It’s a Wonderful Life-themed ride through his own life, Jim didn’t even pause to think. It didn’t matter that the goal of this out-of-body expedition was obviously to get him to rethink his decision about being the Trollhunter.

He would take anything he could get, anything at all, as long as it got him out of this cage. And so he went, not expecting anything to change, fully intending to stand by his choice to stop being the Trollhunter, and truly believing that nothing he saw would convince him otherwise.

And if he was wrong, then he would just die as the Trollhunter instead of plain old Jim Lake. Either way, he thought miserably, he’d be afraid and alone.

He closed his eyes and gratefully let the amulet take him.

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starsmuserainbow · 3 years

Text

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.

(Template link here)

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?

"Koriand'r, but on Earth it is Starfire!"

Where and when were you born?

"On Tamaran, in the castle. We were still in the war with the Gordanians."

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

"Myand'r, the Grand Ruler of Tamaran, and Luand'r, his wife! They were very wonderful! They have cared for us as well as they could, I believe, and I do not doubt that they have loved us very much!"

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

"... Blackfire is my older sister. I have always looked up to her, but she is very much not interested in a positive bond between us. She is a criminal, I believe many parts of the galaxy are searching for her, and she has multiple times before attempted to capture me or bring me into the hands of those who would not be very nice to me.

I much prefer to talk about my baby brother, Ryand'r, or Wildfire as he is calling himself on Earth! We have long thought that he has died when he was still very small, but he has survived and lived many years in complete isolation! He has grown to be very wonderful and nice and friendly, and I am loving him a lot! I am most thankful that he has by now returned to my life!"

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

"I am living with my best friends, the Teen Titans! Our home is commonly called the 'T-Tower', and it is a very accurate description as it is a building with many floors and in the shape of a T!

Raven is as close to me as I am imagining a sister to be that does not constantly wish to harm me! She is skilled in magic, and she has to meditate for calming her emotions because her powers can be dangerous when she is feeling too strongly! This is also leading to her appearing very calm or 'unemotional' in many situations, I am knowing that she is loving us as much as we her!

I am most admiring Beast Boy's talent for joking! It often is about things that I do not initially understand, but I am still certain that his jokes are always very funny and most entertaining!

Cyborg is very skilled with technology. He has equipped our home with its security, he created our communicators, and he is also very much enjoying to play the games of the video together with Beast Boy!

Our leader is Robin! He is very trained, he knows many types of the martial arts, and I am very much enjoying to fight alongside him! Some times he can be too focused on his work, but we are all trying what we can to make him realize it and stop, and I believe it has bettered over the time that we are together."

What is your occupation?

"I am a hero, one of the Teen Titans! We are using what we are capable of to protect the people of the city - and the planet - from dangers and any form of harm!"

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

"I am commonly wearing my tamaranean uniform, which is mostly purple and combined with silver metallic armor! I believe I am taller than the average human, I am thin and do not have any tattoos, scars or similar! As with all of us tamaraneans, my skin is more orange, or golden, than a human one, and my eyes are having their green color both in the sclera and the pupil! Oh, and I am having long red hair, which I preferto wear untied!"

To which social class do you belong?

"A... a social class? I have never visited the earthen schools!" [[Well, on Tamaran probably upper/highest class since she's of the royal family, and on Earth, average I assume? So probably middle, or something?]]

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

"I am allergic to metallic chromium."

Are you right- or left-handed?

"My right hand is the one that I am using predominantly!"

What does your voice sound like?

"I believe I am having a very friendly and light voice! But I cannot describe voices well."

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

"There have before been people mimicking me by reciting 'glorious' or 'wonderful', so perhaps those!"

What do you have in your pockets?

"My communicator! A bit of cat food, oh! And this is a drawing that I have been given by a child earlier!"

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

"People have before mocked me by using very many times of the 'the' in each sentence, so perhaps that is a thing? Although I have never understood this mockery. I am also very much enjoying to hug people - but that cannot be a bad thing, no?"

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general?

"It was a very wonderful childhood! I have grown up with parents that loved me very much, I had two siblings, and I have been able to learn much! There also was our caretaker, Galfore, I am still very close to him and thankful for his advice. ... I would have wished for chances to explore and learn about other worlds already during my childhood, but I can understand how it was too big a risk!"

What is your earliest memory?

"I remember playing a game with my father! I am very happy that this is a memory I recall, especially since at a later time of our lives, he did not have as much time for us anymore."

How much schooling have you had?

"I have completed all the tamaranean schooling! It is not working in the same way as the earthen system, so I cannot compare it."

Did you enjoy school?

"Of course! It was most fascinating to learn about every thing!"

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

"Most of it has been trained on Tamaran! But with my friends I am also continuing to strengthen my abilities!"

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

"My father! He was wonderful to us, and also a great ruler even in the times of war! I have always admired him. ... I have also very much looked up to my sister. She has always been so strong, so independent and so experienced..."

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

"I have gotten along very well with my mother and father! And Ry was most adorable and we were very close as well! ... I have always assumed that I was also getting along well with my sister, but by now I have realized that such never has been the case."

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

"... I have always wanted to be like my sister. ... And I have wished to be able to explore other worlds!"

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

"I have often strolled through the royal garden! ... as long as it has still existed. It was also very entertaining to be taught by Galfore, in cooking and about the history and the customs and how to fight!"

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

"I do not believe that my personality has changed much since my childhood!"

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

"As children of the royal family, we were very... shielded. There were not many other children that we have met, so I do not believe that there was a chance to truly measure popularity. Those that I did meet liked me though, I believe."

When and with whom was your first kiss?

"Kissing does not carry such a meaning for my people. It is default that as children, we are having lip-contact with multiple teachers, to train the assimilation of languages and to learn the most important languages."

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

"My abilities are normal for the tamaraneans, so while I am an alien to this world, I do not think that there is a story that I can tell."

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

"Having met my friends, and having found a home with them!"

Who has had the most influence on you?

"That is either Galfore or my friends of now!"

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

"It has felt like a big success when I had beaten my sister for the second time. And that even while she had used the Jewel of Charta, which was making her much stronger and less vulnerable."

What is your greatest regret?

"I am still feeling very sorry for the destruction that I have initially caused on Earth."

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

"That destruction, I believe."

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

"I do not know! But as I have caused damage on this world, I assume it would only be right if it is noted somewhere, no?"

When was the time you were the most frightened?

"After we have watched a movie, Raven's powers had once brought the monsters and the spookiness from the movie to life! It has been a very frightening situation."

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

"I have many times misunderstood the earthen phrases. At times, the people around me are laughing very openly about it. That is making me feel very embarassed."

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

"I would hope to be able to better the connection to my sister!"

What is your best memory?

"I will never forget how Robin has assured me that Blackfire would never have been able to replace me."

What is your worst memory?

"My brief staying in captivity was most horrifying."

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

"I believe I am more optimistic!"

What is your greatest fear?

"Being alone, and captive, without hopes of escaping."

What are your religious views?

"It would take much time to explain the beliefs of X'Hal to you! It is the tamaranean religion, and I am adhereing to that."

What are your political views?

"I... I do not know what you are asking here. My political views? On what?"

What are your views on sex?

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

"Yes. I do not enjoy to take a life, but if there is truly no other option for saving those that are in danger, I will not hesitate as much as I believe my friends would. But under any circumstances, and wherever possible, it should be avoided to kill someone."

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

"Harming innocent children is most evil!"

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

"Though I would not call it these, I believe in similar concepts, yes."

What do you believe makes a successful life?

"To be happy, to enjoy what you are doing, perhaps also to make those happy you care for."

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

"It is difficult for a tamaranean to be dishonest about the feelings. It can very quickly become similar to a sickness. There are tamaraneans that still do not show what they are thinking or feeling, but I am feeling much better if I am simply being open!"

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

"Even when I am not happy about some thing, I would always do what I can to not let such connections endanger a new meeting."

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

"I would always refuse to harm my friends! Because it cannot be right to do such!"

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

"It is not a thought that I enjoy. But I believe me and my friends all would not hesitate to give our lives for those of the others."

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

"I am doing my best to treat every one politely! And I do not think that my behaviour is changing if I am knowing some one better."

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

"All of my friends are!"

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

"Raven! It must be very difficult to keep such a control of her emotions at all times!"

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

"There are so many friends that I could name! My best friend is Robin! I have described him before, have I not? He is the leader of our team, and he is often willing to explain to me what I do not understand. He is very important to me!"

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

"I do not have such!"

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

"I... Yes, there was... there was a connection that I have felt immediately as we have first met. We... We are still working on it, I believe."

What do you look for in a potential lover?

"I wish for some one who is friendly, who is there for me and who can rely on me in return. Some one that I am feeling at home and comfortable with!"

How close are you to your family?

"It... it is difficult with Blackfire, I would not call us 'close' at all. But I am very close to my baby brother, now that he has returned to us!"

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

"I have not! But I am most enjoying the idea. It is a delighting thought to picture myself having children of my own that I can care for!"

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

"My friends, my team! The Titans!"

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

"I would never doubt that my friends would always protect me, as I them!"

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

"I believe my friends and my brother would miss you! And many of my friends would attempt to find me, or find out what has happened. And Galfore certainly, as well!"

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

"I am aware that she is merely a human, and that I need not feel as strongly towards her... but I do not like Kitten, the daughter of Killer Moth, at all."

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

"I do not like arguing! But if necessary, I would not avoid it."

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

"I do not think so. But I am often talking much, so perhaps I am, and merely do not realize it?"

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

"Certainly! There is an earthen saying, that it is merrier the more people are there, no? I find it very entertaining to have many friends around me!"

Do you care what others think of you?

"I am trying to lessen how much I am caring, but yes. It is most unpleasant when I am insulted."

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

"Exploring Earth! Oh, and I am enjoying to go shopping, or to cook or care for our Silkie!"

What is your most treasured possession?

"I... There is the 'crown' that I have worn when I came to Earth. My mother has gifted it to me shortly before we have lost her."

What is your favorite color?

"I am very fond of purple, as many of my people are. Perhaps it is simply some thing I have been raised into, as it is the most common color for clothing on Tamaran."

What is your favorite food?

"Glorg!"

What, if anything, do you like to read?

"Raven is recommending books to me some times! I am not very fast with reading them, as I have often some thing else that I am then thinking of doing, but they are most entertaining to read!"

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

"I do not understand. Entertainment is good if it is keeping one entertained, and as the likes of such vary, it is difficult to have any entertainment that is not good!"

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

"I am not doing any of these things."

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

"If we are not on a mission, it is often that me and my friends are making the nights of movies!"

What makes you laugh?

"There are many things that are making me laugh!"

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

"It is not very nice when people are unfriendly to others based on how they look or which gender they are having. I am hearing bad words because of my looks and for being alien, as well. So perhaps these."

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

"I would watch TV! There is always some thing interesting shown, no?"

How do you deal with stress?

"It is best to unleash any troubles I am having. Such includes stress. And my friends would certainly aid me in overcoming the stress."

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

"I am not very good at sticking with plans."

What are your pet peeves?

"I do not understand what those are that you ask for."

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

"It is often that our days are not going by routine. When trouble is coming, we are going to it as quickly as we can. It might not be pleasant, but it is necessary, so I am rarely feeling bad about it. On a routine, hmm... I am waking, I stretch and prepare myself for the breakfast. We are commonly eating together, and doing some activity for spending the day. On many days, there is also our training."

What is your greatest strength as a person?

"Perhaps that I am willing to trust others? Although my friends have also told me that it is a big weakness. Perhaps caring for the well-being of others?"

What is your greatest weakness?

"Perhaps my trusting too easily? I do not truly know."

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

"I would not change a thing! I am happy as I am."

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

"Extroverted!"

Are you generally organized or messy?

"I prefer to have things look organized, but if I am too distracted, I can quickly be very messy, as well."

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

"I am good at cooking! ... tamaranean dishes. My friends have before complained that I am often not following the recipes, and am creating different earthen dishes than what they expect. I am a capable fighter, and I am good at making friends!

I cannot draw well, um... I am not aware of many parts of the earthen sayings, and I am not good at recognizing when I should not be trusting or believeing someone."

Do you like yourself?

"Yes, I think I do."

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

"I am a hero because it would feel wrong to not use my abilities, that are more than the average on this world, to aid others. It would feel egoistic, and I enjoy to help others."

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

"I do not have goals. All I am wishing for is to continue to be happy."

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

"I hope that I am still with my friends!"

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

"Either after a long living, or if it must happen earlier... I would prefer to die in saving someone else."

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

"I would visit and hug as many of my friends as I can! I would wish to tell them again how much I value them and how their friendship has delighted me. And I certainly must spend a lot of time with Ry! If there is no more time, I must do what I can to make him understand that he is worth much more than he is thinking! ... And I also wish to say goodbye to Galfore, and perhaps leave messages for those that I am not able to reach. ... Perhaps a message for Blackfire, as well."

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

"Perhaps for the good that we are doing as heroes?"

What three words best describe your personality?

"Friendly, cheerful, and very happy to explore and learn!"

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

"I am hoping some thing similar! Although there have also been words that were not as friendly, I believe that more people would not use those mean words."

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…)

I don't think there really is anything I'd need to give her as advice. I mean, if I really have to say something, probably something like that she should stay how she is and not change only because of some bad experiences. Something like that.

#✫ There was a young alien girl who lived in a T ✫ | About Starfire #those were quite cool! and take forever to answer xD #I tried to stay as ship-neutral as possible; but in some answers I just couldn't avoid mentioning robin #since as you all probably know I default to robstar when nothing else is implied

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bella-spil · 4 years

Text

Bucky Barnes Fluff Alphabet

Here goes nothing!

Taglist: @wednesday-add-em @kmuir1 @sea040561 @angrythingstarlight

Attractive:(What do they find attractive about you?)

He loves your eyes. And your lips. He loves how your eyes brighten up his day and how they can tell a whole story without saying a word. He thinks they are the most beautiful things on Earth. But he also loves your lips. Especially when you bit your bottom lip. It makes him want to kiss you so much.

Baby:(do they want to have kids?)

Before the war, he wanted to have kids. One boy and one girl. But he wouldn’t name his son after one of the lamest presidents. But now, after everything that has happened to him, he doesn’t know if he would be the best role model. Or even a good dad. He doesn’t want his kids to know that he murdered hundreds of people and that he was a criminal for 70 years. But you convince him over and over again that he would be the best dad in the world. Maybe, in the future he will see he will be the best father on Earth, regardless of his past.

Cuddle:(how do they cuddle?)

He will be the big spoon a lot of the time. You like being snuggled up in his arms like a teddy bear. He also likes having someone there, in his arms when he is going through one of his episodes. You are like a comfort object to him, something he can hold on to when he needs it.

Dates:(What are dates like with them?)

Entertaining. He will take you to the most extravagant places. He also likes to take you places that are from his past. Like his old home in Brooklyn, the Cyclone on Coney Island. He also likes to take you to the movies, where he complains that they don’t show any cartoons, only movie trailers. And amusement parks. He likes all of the new roller coasters that were invented and always want to try the biggest and scariest ones.

Everything:(you are my ____ ex: my world, my life)

You are his sunshine. Call it cliche, but whenever he is in a dark place, you are always there to guide him out of it. You are a beacon to him, and he will always follow you, no matter how hard.

Feelings:(when did they know they were in love?)

From the very first moment he saw you. Your attitude, your laugh, your smile, your everything. Once he saw you, he knew he couldn’t live without you.

Gentle:(Are they gentle and how so?)

Bucky will be a teddy bear to you. He will just randomly plant kisses to your head or when your back is faced to him, he will give you a bear hug from behind. He just does random acts of kindness. Sometimes he will leave you love notes while he’s gone on missions, or get you a bouquet of flowers just because.

Hands:(do they like to hold hands?)

Yes, he craves your touch. He loves when you hold his hand because it brings a sense of comfort that he missed when he was brainwashed by H.Y.D.R.A. He only flinches when you grab his left arm because of the trauma that comes along with it. But as you keep doing it more often, he eases a little bit more each time. It will just take him some time to get used to it.

Impression:(what did they first think of you?)

He thought you were so confident. So comfortable in your own shoes and you walked with a purpose. He knows it’s hard to find a girl like that, so when he saw you, ooo he had to have you.

Jealousy:(do they get jealous easily?)

Yes. 100% yes. Whenever you playfully flirt with Sam and Steve, he will just leave the room, to embarrassed to say anything. He doesn’t like seeing you flirt with other men, including his friends. He likes to know that you are his, and when you flirt with others, he feels like he lost you.

Kiss:(how do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Bucky will always try to get a makeout session with you, whether its when you and him are alone or when you are with the whole team. He just loves the feeling of your lips against his and will do anything to get it.

And he of course made the first move. He couldn’t resist your lips and just had to have a taste or else he knew he would go mad.

Love:(who said ‘I love you’ first?)

You did. Bucky wanted to tell you sooner, but he was too nervous. He didn’t know if it was too soon or when to tell you because he never felt this way about anyone before. It was like he was in middle school all over again.

But when you said it, it was music to his ears. He felt his heart explode and carry him to the stars. He was too stunned when you said it that he froze, and it took you a few minutes to snap him out of it. Then once he regained control of himself, he kissed you. For a long, long time.

And now, he says it all the time. Just not in front of the team. The only times he will do it in front of them is when he is drunk from Thor’s Asgardian Ale or he whispers it in your ear. But when you two are alone, he says it on repeat, he sounds like a broken record sometimes.

Memory:(what’s their favorite memory with you?)

His all time favorite is when you first kissed him. It felt like he finally had you in his arms and he would never, ever let you go. He knew he had won the lottery with you. And the night also led into something else, if ya know what I mean...hehe.

Nickel:(do they spoil you?)

If Bucky was as rich as Tony, he would buy an entire island for you. Even though he could just ask Tony to do that, he knows his manners.

But he grew up in the forties, when 3 bucks was a ton of money. Even when you go out grocery shopping with him, he will complain about how expensive the milk is. Spoiling for him is getting you an expensive necklace for your birthday or anniversary. But otherwise he doesn’t spoil you too much.

Orange:(what color reminds them of you?)

Pink. Pink reminds him of you. Pink is such a light color, but it can also be vibrant, bright and beautiful, just like you. Also he likes PINK, the store, and that's another reason.

Pet Names:(what pet names do they call you?)

Oh, he has quite a few. Mostly ones from the 40′s. ‘Doll’ and ‘toots’ most of the times, but he will also call you ‘baby’ and ‘sugar’.

Quaint:(what’s their favorite non-modern thing?)

He likes listening to music that he grew up with. And he likes dancing to it with you. You guys always have a ball when Bucky is teaching you dances from his generation. He taught you the Charleston, and you mastered it, and you guys have dance battles, judged by Steve.

Rainy Day:(What do they like to do on rainy days?)

Cuddle and watch movies with you. Over the course of dating Bucky, you caught him up on Disney and Pixar movies, and whenever there is a rainy day, those are the only things he will watch with you since he enjoys them so much.

Sad:(how do they cheer themselves up?)

Mostly, he works out whenever he is feeling sour. Lifting weights and punching as hard as he can into the punching bag takes his mind off of whatever was upsetting him. But he gets even more happy when you join him. He loves teaching you new moves and when you spar against each other.

Talking:(what do they like to talk about?)

He likes telling you about his past. What he did in the forties with Steve. He loves telling you weird and crazy things he did as a kid and how many times he had to fight someone for his friend. Bucky also loves it when you laugh along with his stories. He likes telling you about his past since he thinks he can connect with you better and that you get to know him a lot more.

Unwind:(what helps them relax?)

Cuddling helps him to destress the most. That and working out. And listening to music as well. But cuddles help him the most because you are basically his personal teddy bear, something that he can grab and lay with till he feels better.

Vaunt:(What do they like to show off/brag about?)

He likes to show you off. Everything about you. He brags about how well you do on missions and how many criminals you took out. Pretty much if anything comes up in a conversation, Bucky will somehow make sure your name ends up in it, one way or another.

Wedding:(how, where and when do they propose?)

Bucky does like to show you off. And you always knew him as a private person, so to your surprise, he proposed somewhere very public. On a date, on Christmas Eve, he took you on a tour of NYC. He took you through Times Square, Central Park, Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, and the Brooklyn Bridge.

And that's where he proposed. On the Brooklyn Bridge. Late at night with the skyline, bright lights and honking cars. And it was quite the scene.

You and him were looking at the skyline and then he got on one knee while you weren’t looking. He called out your name one time, and you went to look at him, but your found yourself looking down instead. Bucky got the attention of others walking by, who had their phones out the record the special moment.

You were tearing up, and put your hands over your mouth. You nodded frantically, and scooped you up in his arms for a bear hug and kiss. People in the background were applauding and cheering for you, and you found yourself blushing immensely. And when he slipped the ring on your finger, your eyes were shining as much as the rock on your hand.

Xylophone:(what's their favorite song?)

Put your head on my shoulder- Paul Anka.

Saturday Nights(Alright for Fighting)- Elton John.

Yes:(Have they ever thought about proposing to you?)

Of course!! For the longest time.

Zebra:(of they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He isn’t a huge fan of pets, but if he had to get one, it would be a husky. You asked him why and his answer was, “I have two reasons, doll. One: they are like a nicer version of a wolf. Two: husky rhymes with Bucky.”

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