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hearts4leeknow · 2 months

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pushed away || lee minho (leeknow) x reader

Warning(s): no comfort (at least not in this part), hurtful words unrequited love uses of y/n (pls im sorry idk what leeknow is supposed to call reader) SWEARING!!!

Genre: angst

Summary: you two have been bffs since forever, you two know everything about each other. well not everything.

minho has yet to tell you about the fat crush he has on you, he’s scared it’ll ruin everything so he thinks pushing you away will solve this situation, but it only makes it worse. he ends up loosing his bff the one he loves in the process.

leeknow x reader

!!LOWERCASE INTENDED!!

a/n: just got a random idea based on nothing!

you and leeknow were inseparable, you two told each other everything… well maybe not everything.

what he didn’t tell you is that he liked you, like was an understatement, more like love you. of course he couldn’t tell you what if it ruined years of friendship, what if it makes it awkward what if he gets rejected. he hated rejection and he can’t bare loosing such a precious bond. his feelings for you only surfaced a few months ago, he realized he liked- no loved you when he had gotten extremely sick due to sweating and performing in the rain making him super weak and unable to walk properly due to dizziness. so you took care of him, everyday made him food and soup, tried to make his sick days less cloudy and more sunny, and it worked. you made his worst days still feel happy, that’s when he fell for you and oh boy he fell hard. how was he supposed to handle this, now he gets flustered every time you speak to him he can’t continue like this and he can’t just tell you what if-

“minho hyung” han snapped his fingers in front of minho’s face.

“hi” is all he responded with.

“you were zoning out think about…?” han questioned curious of what his hyung was thinking about.

“oh nothing just spacing out cause you’re to boring” he lied with one of his snarky remarks.

“rude!! i am not boring” han pouted while he flopped onto the couch. you walked in talking to felix.

“min!” you smiled seeing your best friend seated on the couch.

“hi y/n” he returned the smile. felix sat down next to han as those two talked you and leeknow had your own conversation flowing.

oh how leeknow was struggling to keep his composure, you looked so cute in the tight short sleeved shirt with baggy cargos. he felt his face heating up but he was good at hiding it.

“min? are you okay you’re spacing out” you looked concerned and confused. minho usually tells you what’s wrong immediately because he knows he can’t hide it from you, but today he just shook his head.

“min, are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” you asked feeling a little hurt that he didn’t want to tell you what was wrong, but you knew if it was something personal you couldn’t force it out.

“i’m just not ready to tell you yet” minho mumbled with a slight frown, he could tell you were upset by it.

“it’s okay take your time” you give him a light smile trying to make him feel at ease. little did you know this would be one of the last real convos you would have with him.

—— 🎀 ——

you 🌷: minnie we haven’t hung out in a while! movie night?

min 🐈: i cant im sorry

you 🌷: how come? we barely hangout anymore..

min 🐈: busy

you 🌷: minho cmon you’ve been saying you’re ‘busy’ for weeks now, what’s wrong?

min 🐈: nothing just want time for myself

you 🌷: ok…

you switched off your phone and flopped down onto your bed.

he’s been ‘busy’ for weeks and he’s saying he wants time to himself but he’s had 3 weeks for that

you thought, you knew there was no way he was just busy or wanted time to himself. wouldn’t he have told you what’s up so you don’t worry? does he not want anything to do with you anymore because he finds being friends with you is embarrassing? it hurt to think about it, now what if that’s what he wanted?

no, it can’t be.

that’s what you kept telling yourself but at the 3 week mark it wasn’t working anymore, you kept getting worried and you felt helpless. you’ve had enough and so you called him…

—— 🎀 ——

ring ring ring…

he picked up his phone seeing your photo as the banner with your name ‘y/n (my love💞)’ he read and he answered.

“minho!” you screeched

“what!” he mirrored the energy

“tell me what’s wrong please? i know it’s not just that your busy or need time to yourself, please!” you begged and pleaded for him to tell you, he wanted to tell you trust me he just didn’t know how.

“i can’t” he didn’t dare say more than that, your pleading voice broke him but what else was he supposed to do?

“minho, i feel like i’ve been pushed to the side by my best friend since childhood, we barley hangout together your always ‘busy’. you’re not telling me something, please?” your voice broke mid sentence, you were at your breaking point.

“no, i can’t always hangout with you! i have a busy idol life unlike you.” minho spewed out in an instant not realizing his words until after.

“what the fuck? minho, im busy too but i always make time for you.” you frown when you hear him lash out.

“whatever, your annoying and just a distraction to me anyways” minho scoffs.

“im-im annoying? ive been your best friend for who knows how long, i’ve always been there for you and now im annoying and just a distraction? wow, i thought you were different, minho. i’ve been trying to drop hints that i like you! but i guess all i am to you is a distraction.” you spill out all the emotions that were inside of me, you were hurt and felt betrayed. “i dont think i wanna talk to you after this.” you say my voice was quiet.

“wait-wait, y/-“ you hung up before minho could finish talking.

——🎀——

as soon as you hung up everything came crashing down on him.

you liked him?

he thought, you liked him back and he ruined everything with his attitude and harsh words. hes hurt the love of his life, how is he supposed to get you back after such words left his mouth? angry tears trickled down his face, this anger wasn’t directed to you though, it was directed to himself. hes messed up, and hes messed up bad.

——FIN——

a/n: i dont know why i decided to post this sosososoossoo late!! im so sorry i havent been active, i havent been feeling well lately. but i promise ill have more stuff up soon! 🤞🏻🤞🏻💞

a/n: @sona1800 IVE LEFT MY POOKS WAITING FOR TOO LONG, im so sorry bby you waited to long and it’s not even that good. i hope you still some what like it 💞💞 (lemme know if i should make a pt2 and if i should make it angst or fluffy 👀👀)

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cupids-archives · 2 months

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Can you do an Chill (busty if you like! Im kind of busty myself :P) who hides it on always using oversozed sweatshirt Female y/n that just talks with MK, who likely just met and talked Sun Wukong once when MK introduced him to her on Pigsy Noodles, and he just straight up went obsessed after that?

Srry if i requested in the wrong place that you indicated <33 plus, i love your work!

━━━━━━━━𖥔 ࣪ small fic ft. yandere! sun wukong ₊˚♱ ━━━━━ ₊˚♱ contains: obsessive behavior, small nsfw. ₊˚♱

🪽 ៹ ࣪ this was a bit rushed so lmk if you want a part two or a better/longer version <3 🪽 ៹ ࣪

you were being swarmed by the staff at pigsys shop, your hands tucked in your sweater while they ask you silly questions. “where are you from!! mei asks, uncomfortably close to your face, “and where did you meet mk??” tang says peeking over you, “you guys do know she’s not my girlfriend right…”

mk finally speaks up and you can feel the excitement in the room drop, some of them even looking dejected. the only person in the room who seems to light up at this, is the strange man sitting in the corner, he’s a celebrity so you tried to ignore him through your visit here but it’s almost hard as his follow you every time you get up or excuse yourself. soon most of the people in the shop spread out, starting to do their own things. leaving just you, mei, and mk, it was a little awkward at first but soon lightened up.

“i never thought that THE monkey king would be that weird.” you randomly say, still thinking about the awkward encounter. “he usually isn’t, I don’t know why he’s acting like that” he looks almost scared like he was worried about the guy. “I didn’t even think he would show up, to be honest, when you told me you were the monkey kid I thought you were just joking,” the conversation turns back to the happy one it once was. you guys continue talking about stupid stuff until you want to leave, you wish goodbye to your new friends and start to walk back home.

you can almost feel eyes on you on every step of the way, feeling observed and uncomfortable. you quicken the pace, you feel exposed even with having so many clothes on. you get back to your house safely, making sure to lock the doors. your head immediately hits the pillow, feeling tired, but your mind is happy after an successful day. “you look so adorable when your sleeping.” you immediately jump up looking around to see whoever just talked to you. the hair on your skin feels as if it’s rising and the paranoid feeling comes back again.

you convince yourself it’s just your imagination and start to drift off again, but you feel a cold hand to under your sweater, touching the sensitive skin around your breast. this time however you can’t move, you feel frozen to the spot, the only thing you can move is your eyes, looking up to see the monkey kid fondling you, looking down on you with such intensity like he’s been in love with you forever. you also notice your not in your room, somehow being transported to some weird magical place, one that you can’t help but call beautiful,

“I’m sorry for doing this so suddenly,” the king says, getting closer to kiss your soft lips, “I just couldn’t help myself.” he takes off your sweatshirt completely. immediately nestling between your breasts, “you should stop wearing those big shirts. you look so pretty all naked for me”

#cupid 🪽 ៹ ࣪#₊˚♱ nasty ₊˚♱#₊˚♱ lego monkie kid ₊˚♱#lego monkie kid x reader #lego monkie kid #₊˚♱ sun wukong ₊˚♱#lego monkie kid smut #sun wukong x reader #sun wukong smut

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venuslovesmascs · 1 year

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Hi!! I don’t really have a certain style or outline for readings so every one will be a little different im sure, I don’t like to limit myself and let the spirits and universe tell me what’s needed.

if it resonates pls leave a tag or comment

I’m begging, talking to tarot and spirits

alone can make a girlie think they need psychiatric help

first guy - happy shark ? he looks happy

- queen of cups up, queen of wands reversed were the first two cards to come out - which I thought was really interesting. they want emotional maturity first , before intimacy or passion if it’s that type of connection. they don’t seem to be a sensual person, they like to emotionally get to know others however. they don’t accept “childlike” energy or people who can not commit. they have virgo energy. also cancer. always reminds me of queen of cups. they like security and balance.

honestly to me this doesn’t seem like someone you are seeing, either a crush you are scared to come forward to, or just a friend in general. it it’s a friend, they want to know you more intimately , to be able to care for you more. to emotionally support you more. if you reach out a hand, they will always want to grab it to help you.

they like to stay home. don’t like to go out and party. do not invite them out, especially with a large group. maybe a study sesh, baking, movie. honestly im not getting too much to pick up on here, they seem like a pretty chill person who likes to be in their own world. like I feel bad for interrupting their energy or peace lmao. if you want something, you have to make it known. they will NOT make the first move. but this person has good communication skills, and emotional maturity. definitely worth talking to. i think you will both learn more about each other if you have an honest conversation about how you are feeling. this person appreciates honesty, straightforwardness, and vulnerability. i honestly really get the vibe it’s a friend u want to communicate feelings for. don’t come on too strong or passionate, take things slow, they don’t like to rush. you’ll scare them lol. they are sensitive. don’t like change. u got this. let things flow. i know it’s hard, I suck at it that part.

- it only takes a taste, waitress the musical - came to my mind

- they have mom friend energy , maybe u have dad friend energy, “accidently parents to found family trope”

pile 2 - curved sharkey

this person may tend to take more than they give. we got the devil card. which isn’t always bad, but can involve lust or deep fantasy, living too much in a dream world, not being practical enough. they don’t desire commitment or balance right now. or communication. if they want to….,18+….. they like things firey and passionate. quick. they are the type to “get what I want”. no thinking. they want you to maybe relax a little more about communication. to live more in the moment. everyone wants different things from connections and that’s okay, you don’t always have to be on the same exact page, but you need to find a common ground. make sure you aren’t always walking the extra mile for them.

this person is fast. moves on quickly. like they don’t want me in their energy. they are like… sorry got to go. I’m bored.

you may be blinded to some red flags. they seem really sweet!! just not looking for anything serious, do not have time for commitment. but also have not communicated that, yikes :/ they like to indulge. I’d be careful with their energy honestly. you do not owe them anything. i wish I had more to say but there’s not much left lmao. they do not like the mushy feelings, or letting people in. you won’t be able to change that any time soon. feel free to engage if you don’t mind, just remember to stay true to yourself as well. do not hide your wants and needs. be honest that you are meeting them where they are for now. don’t build any resentment before something even begins.

pile three - cartoon shark

seems like a connection that has had separation, big changes in the past. a lot of hurt for both ends. one being more silent about their pain than the other.

this person wants a change for sure. numbers 3 or 12 could be important. they want to be more integrative . they seemed stuck in the past before, and feel guilty for so. they may have left you in the cold, “dropped your hand while dancing” / champagne problems. they want to bring you peace, if not come together, at least give closure. i think they had a lot going on, and want to explain. if you want to talk or not, that is your choice. just make sure you aren’t letting your “ego” decide - the part of you that holds resentments , pettiness, the part of your animalistic desires or patterns - dont make this a quick decision, take some time to think about it, not what would bring you short term fulfillment, but long term fulfillment.

they will understand if you do not want to integrate again, but either way want to help in whatever way possible.

this person cared about others opinions in the past, let status/family/friends/affairs get in between the connection. they care about their reputation. maybe they have already done some things in the past they are ashamed of, and are still afraid it can come into light. they felt like they were holding on my a thread. i still think their fear of reputation hasn’t changed if I’m being honest, im not sure they are still willing to put in any fight against others, but maybe for your connection. but don’t expect this person to change over night. they care, but still have issues being publicly outgoing or seen. they don’t like conflict. which is probably why they ran from you too lol. definitely avoidant. but if they come forward, it shows they are making change - remember that.

they didn’t fight for something like you wanted them to. they have never been good at communicating. they have worked on that for months, for themselves, not just you.

you are good at strategy. planning things out. they admire you for this. they are not. they are not good at looking into the future. they live in the moment. but are learning either way they fear what is to come. and they wish they had you to rely on , to be in the future , if nothing else. they don’t want to put the burden on you however , this scares them, maybe you are more financially/ emotionally put together, they may not feel good enough for you.

okay there’s a lot going on here but I think I’m going to end it here, feel free to message me for any clarification but, I think this is something that can only be worked out between you two in divine time.

PILE FOUR - SHOWER SHARK

this is definitely an ex or a past lover or current situation that’s getting less intimate . something has recently gone wrong. some kind of trust has been broken.

i think you are waiting for this person to change. but you two can not change together. they do not want the same things, you are both lacking fulfillment.

if I’m being honest, I don’t even think this person wants closure or to talk. they want a clean break, a fresh start. im sorry if you feel left out in the cold. there’s some new journey here that you have to take on your own. and I don’t think you are used to being alone. i know it’s scary, but I think the universe is high lighting some lesson or journey here. maybe this is long distance. starting college, or studying abroad, a new job, that kind of energy . i think you have a lot to look forward to. all these new changes coming are a blessing in the future. take time to mourn and heal, but know that when you are ready, you have a lot of fulfilling things ready for you. new friends, passions, hobbies

i think you felt really bogged down by this persons energy. that you were too similar. “twin flames” energy , not the western Instagram post “twin flames” but the idea that you meet someone who mirrors all the parts of you that you have ignored for years. that feels like your soulmate - how quickly and intimate you knew them. but it’s just the catalyst for your change and self growth. you will heal and grow into a person that people will love and understand, a person that this past energy won’t even recognize. i think you will always have love for them, it dosent feel too toxic in a sense, more just confusing, and hard, too hard. love dosent need to be hard.

focus on taking a break. mourning. going no contact seems like the best route here. we all have free will, im not telling you what to do. however , I think your energy would be best preserved if you had a clean break. no meeting up again. no drunk texts. no giving back some old tee shirt from the back of your closet that they don’t even want. bring it to goodwill. you will feel better in the long run if you focus on feeling empowered by yourself and not others. it’s okay go want community, and human connection is natural, but we still need self reliance and independence to be able to help others too. okay that’s a lot hope ur ok , much love. bye.

pile five - teeth sharkey

I’m getting this person wants to call you lol. they want to come back around, maybe from the past but not too far back.

they want to cleanse whatever has happened , maybe a fresh start. you may have noticed they have changed a little , dress differently, talk differently, new confidence?? new haircut ?? new phone?

they are a “shape-shifter” , they want to be a person that can change and provide for you. i don’t know how long term these changes are, they seem to change a lot - that is for your judgement and not mine. they seem smooth , I can like feel myself blushing??

welp - there’s definitely some big change spiritually within them with the death card I just pulled. they want change in your situation. maybe they link k***nk …. u know. they want to know the dark parts of you. show you the dark parts of them. “For better or for worse” energy. idk if they want long term commitment so to say? but they definitely want a more stable emotional connection. i may not be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner but I’ll treat u and know u better than any of them energy.

there’s some secret they are hiding . i still don’t think they want to tell you everything, im not sure they want me to even be clear of what they want, maybe they do not know. they for sure want u tho. especially physically. wow they are attracted to u. possessive energy. maybe u like that, maybe u don’t. that’s urs to say. they want more eye contact, they think you have pretty eyes. they may like the occult / spiritual. OOO u know what, maybe they know you like it , they either researched it to impress you or actually had an awakening and want to share with you. they love your energy. they like being with you at night lol. maybe for some non-pg 13 stuff, but also I think they just want to be “spooky” in general with you and look at the moon and wander at night , do spells, that stuff. you seem to have changed them if I’m being honest. maybe opened up their heart. maybe you are their death moment.

if I’m being honest, idk if this is a person you see as “the one”. more like, a fling or fwb. but they were brought into your life for a reason. don’t let fears of the unknown / future hold you back from connecting with them. they have a lot to teach you.

#pick a card #tarot #witchcore #weirdcore #fairycore #astrology

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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Ticci Toby trying to understand a s/o with Chronic Pain

Ticci Toby w/ a reader with chronic pain! (platonic)

no hate to you but im still not quite comfortable with writing romantic for toby!/nm wooo first creepypasta request of this batch lets go we're returning to this blogs roots yipee! this post may be a little blugh since i only just started allowing myself to write for toby and im still trying to get a hold on how i want to write his personality

one of the first ideas that came to my head when i first read this when it was sent in a few hours ago is that theres some level of disconnect... for lack of a better word. i mean toby himself doesnt feel pain, and he has mixed feelngs about it. on one hand he knows it makes him different and that often makes him feel like an outsider. on the other hand, he uses it as an advantage to power through things. the topic is complicated with him, and when it comes to you he doesnt fully understand why you're so careful with yourself; its not as if youre made out of glass

lack of being able to relate, you know?

not to say that he completely invalidates your pains. no, i think the opposite would be true. he cares about you a lot and hes going to hold onto you, and not let go. he is clingy and he is going to be obnoxious about it

i think he makes little notes to remember what helps with you (the admin totally isnt self projecting and giving toby horrible memory, definitely not), as well as leaves little notes for you to find throughout the day. cute ones, encouraging ones.. a little clunky and awkward but hey its the thought that counts!

^usually does the little notes for you on days where hes not going to be available for whatever reason, be it he needs to be put to work or what. honestly i dont think its uncommon for him to go MIA for a few days at a time given the nature of his work as a proxy

totally doesnt shoplift things that you like/will ease your pain. meds, snacks, stuff like that. that he paid for, obviously! nooo its not weird that hes asking to hide out at your house for a few hours he didnt do nothing!

offers to do your chores and stuff (with varying success) so you can lay down and rest. tends to only really offer them on your worse days, again in part to him not fully being able to grasp the level of pain youre in every day. hes trying his best!

gets you movies and games.. sometimes books, heating pads/blankets, things like that as well

less of a comfort guy and more of a distraction guy, definitely not a solutions guy; asides from getting (stealing) things for you, thats about where a lot of his comfort/solutions end, hes more so better prepared to keep your mind off of the pain with conversation and jokes and the aforementioned movies/books/games

definitely helps him to understand if you explain whats going on with you, be it simply saying whats hurting and why or even explaining your diagnosis, gives him something more solid to digest and work off of instead of just basic labels

#creepypasta x you #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta imagine #ticci toby x you #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby imagine

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mattphobiia · 2 months

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OPPOSITES ATTRACT 4.

chris and i have definitely done a lot of talking, and although we still have our bullying moments, we act slightly civil to each other more and i think i like it this way. no matter what i do to distract myself, i always seem to think about that one day where chris had tears in his eyes, and it broke my heart to see him so upset. i didn't even mean to, we've always been "enemies" so why would it affect him that much? i didn't have a clue what was going on so ive had conversations with matt and nick to see if they had any idea of what could've been going on, but they just about knew the same information as me. he had always hated me as much as i hated him, i think. what was different now?

in this current moment, matt and nick were chilling on instagram with some supporters while chris and i were in his room watching youtube. like last time, he still laid his head on my chest practically trying to get as close to me as he physically could. the confusing part about this situation was that i didn't even mind he was doing this, it felt strange at first but some part felt oddly comforting.

"can... we talk?" chris speaks up, lifting his head before sitting up properly while waiting for my response. i nod my head in response before i sit up. "i think i like you, i don't even know how."

"oh?"

"im sorry if this feels weird because we've hated each other for so long, but after that night we kissed i just couldn't stop thinking about how i felt in that moment."

i begin to smile as i reach out to hold his hand. "well, opposites attract you know, why not give this a go?"

"im just not sure, it just feels so strange to me and ive never felt this way before." he sighs. "-but, i would like to try this out."

"okay, well we can take things slowly, right?" i suggest, and his facial expression seems to light up at the thought.

"mhm." he murmurs tiredly before leaning closer towards me and giving me a soft kiss on my cheek, making my heart fucking leave my body.

i could've sworn that if i didn't have any self respect, i would've pounced on this man and done the most questionable things to him possible, but i try to calm myself down.

"your face is turning red, you like that?" he smirks before i hide my face into my hands trying to hide my big smile, making him laugh as he took my hands away and held my face gently. "dont get shy, its okay."

"stop, you're turning me on chris."

"how cute, are you seriously getting worked up over something so little?" he cooed, making my burn a light shade of red as i hit his arm. "well that was rude."

"don't care." i reply with no emotion, biting my cheek to stop my smile forming, until he jumped onto me and pinned my arms behind my head, his face inches away from mine.

"do you care now?" he whispers, our noses now touching together as i felt my heart pounding in my chest so much i could basically hear it.

"stop asking so many questions." i say, pressing my lips against his before feeling his warm breath on my face as he leaned into the kiss.

it felt surreal, almost euphoric. it felt like that first time you ever experienced lucid dreaming. nothing about this kiss felt real, but it felt like the best thing in my life i have ever gone through, and every part of his bullshit i had to deal with before this current moment was all worth it. it wasn't a sexual kiss like the ones you have as a build up before you have sex, but it felt sweet and genuine, almost sensual. he broke away before his face was back to being close with mine, the both of us just admiring our faces in silence before he lets out a little giggle.

"can i be your boyfriend?" he continues, one of his hands releasing his grip as it switches over to my face, his thumb resting on the bottom of my lip as he awaits for an answer.

"is the sky blue?"

"wh-"

"just answer."

"yes?"

"then there's your answer idiot, of course you can!" i squeal, pulling him back into another kiss before we swap places and i lay on top of him as he holds tightly onto my waist.

"oh, i love you so much." chris sighs, kissing me repeatedly all over my face as i try to escape from him.

"calm down chris! i love you too." i scream, holding tightly onto his face before trying to back away.

"mmh, you still smell nice. are you wearing vanilla?" he suddenly stops and questions, beginning to sniff me like a weirdo which made me giggle.

"i am! how do you recognise that?" i say, looking at him with a feeling of happiness.

"well, that day in summer when us and matt were hanging out at the beach and we ordered ice cream, i thought in my head that it smelt of you."

i stay frozen in shock, why was that actually so adorable? i felt another smile on my face, which made my cheeks begin to ache as i latched my arms tightly onto him and pulled him into a hug.

"wait chris- thats so cute... you're so cute!" i almost scream, tears forming in my eyes as i plant a big kiss onto his cheek as he smiled softly.

"well, you're cuter. but stop crying!" he whines, holding my face as he wiped away the couple tears that rolled down my cheek.

"it's happy tears, dont worry." i laugh, chris nuzzling his face into my shoulder trying to comfort me.

after all these years of resentment, we finally now got along. all of these arguments, bullying, and unnecessary comments felt so worth it. i was now in the comfort of chris' arms, with my head on his chest, and wrapped in the warmth of his embrace. it felt like all my worries just melted away, and i had nothing to worry about here.

MASTERLIST / P1 , P2 , P3

a/n: hi guyyyys😜 this is the last part since i have no ideas, BUT i am working on something new and i feel like i should have a schedule for when i post but like work is tough so i write and post whenever i can, lately ive been posting more because ive had alot of days off recently or my days have been restricted down to half🤗🤗🤗 and i just have alot of motivation rn so i need to try grow my account BUT ILY ALL SMMMMMM🤍 also lmk if i should write some smut bc my page seems a lil boring and im in one of those silly moods lol

tl: @st7rnioioss

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris x reader #matt x reader #sturniolo x reader

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orionicchaos · 2 years

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Iris Bleue | trans!ftm!reader x tartaglia

× trans, ftm, m!reader with he/him pronouns (you are referred as "you" tho)

× headcanons

× character : childe/tartaglia/ajax (he is referred to as ajax)

× this is part of the "LGBTQ+ PROTECTORS" series.

🌺💮

TW : transphobia, gender dysphoria (voice, height, chest, genitals, periods), your family "accepts" you but they have a REALLY "hard time" refering you as your name and not your deadname, they misgender you a lot, they also are inconsiderate of your feelings, reader is not on T, didn't have any surgery and doesn't have a binder, mention of arguments (with your family), mention of sex (that part is red), nicknames (baby, darling..), no proofread ! (it's 1 am)

other warnings : modern!au, fluff, hurt/comfort, pre-established relationship (ajax is your bf), ajax is literally your protector, ajax is so so sweet

| resume : Basically, a bunch of headcanons and scenarios? of ajax being the boyfriend you deserve |

a.n. : this is clearly me trying to cope with my gender dysphoria and the way my family acts. this is based on my experience, insecurities and feelings, and it may not match yours. i certainly don't want y'all to feel bad guys. i thought about writing it for myself and keep it private but maybe it could comfort some of you if your struggles are similar to mine! trans people's experiences are all different! i tried to make the "tw" as precise as possible so you could be warned. ily guys <3

it's my first time writing something like that and im not proud but that's a first time!

navi.

♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

Coming out

-When you came out to him, you two were already dating. You were quite scared to tell him that you were actually a man

-But everything went well. He was just like "Oh okay?", and when he noticed your widened eyes, he took your hand in his and told you he was happy that you trusted him enough to come out, that he was bisexual so it wasn't a problem for him to date a guy, and that after all, you remained the person he loved and cherished so he would always support you and be by your side

-you cried because you expected a break-up, so he pulled you into a hug, kissing your face, rubbing your back, and reassuring you

-you both spent the whole night cuddling in his bed and he offered you to pick a sweater from his wardrobe to wear, he asked for your pronouns and if you would like to start a medical transition (insisted that if you didn't or wasn't ready it was fine and that it was your choice)

-yes he has some knowledges about transidentity, since his siblings have trans friends! They often came to play with teucer and sonia so he learned few things to make them comfortable in the house (he's a trans kids protector, fight me if you think otherwise)

-forgot for a whole week to ask for your name since he only uses petnames like "baby" or "darling" and went "damn i didn't ask him if he has a new name" when he was about to say your birthname in a conversation

-nervously, he asked you if you had a new name and you let out a chuckle, answering that you actually did

"my new name is (Name), thanks for asking, baby"

"woah, that's a pretty nice name darling, it does suit an handsome man like you"

-yeah that man takes every chance he gets to compliment you (and awkwardly flirt)

-he never, and i mean never, misgendered you. at first, it wasn't natural for him (for the first three days), because he was used to your former pronouns, so he had to think before speaking, but it quickly became completely normal for him to call you his boyfriend and use he/him!

-overall, your coming out went very, very well <3

Gender dysphoria

-he can't understand how if feels like to have gender dysphoria, but seeing you sad and crying because of that let him know that's it's not the best thing ever

-he feels so bad whenever you look upset about the way you look in the mirror, trying to hide your chest with weird posture, tears rolling down your cheeks

-when he sees you in these moments, he compliments you more than usual, pulls you into hugs, calls you his handsome boyfriend and kisses your lips, trying to make you think about something else. he will often lay you on the bed next to him, deciding that a nap would be great because you needed to rest

-he's willing to buy you a binder whenever you ask, and if he feels like it, he would even bring the idea to you

-also offers you to go buy new clothes and chooses shops with a lot of men brands

-when you feel dysphoric about your voice, he doesn't know what to do

-he tries to cheer you up but he feels like shit for not being able to make you feel better and allow yourself to talk more

-when you go silent because you heard how high pitched your voice is once more, he has no idea of what to do exept pulling you into a hug and giving you kisses

-same for when you feel dysphoric about your height. he knows that him being a tall ass ginger doesn't help and feels kinda guilty

-expect a lot of kisses whenever you feel dysphoric about anything. he tries his very best to cheer you up and make you comfortable, and he hopes he's doing a decent job about it

-you feel so thankful to have him as you boyfriend, he is so considerate of your feelings

-when you feel dysphoric about your genitals, he always tells you that he doesn't care about them, and that it doesn't make you less a man than him because of how it looks down there

/mention of sex/ -if you're comfortable enough, he would gladly show you how it doesn't matter that you don't have a penis! would also allow you to dom him to boost your self-confidence (will never admit that he's a switch)

-11/10, the best when you have period cramps, will buy you gender neutral pads/tampons, bring medicines and will give you even more kisses. + bonus point because his body is so warm, it eases your cramps, so he is your hot pillow most of the time

-he's just very supportive and words/physical touch are how he mainly comfort you, but it's not so rare for him to bring snacks and start a cozy netflix date!

-remember, he's hella rich. he could and is willing to pay for any surgery that crosses your mind, any binder you want, your hormones treatment, and your clothes. And if you want to buy them by yourself/don't want them, he will support you and help you to make your like easier

When someone misgenders you/is being transphobic

-oh man, that boy is not chill with people just casually misgendering you or using your deadname

-you've been out for months, and hearing some people just ignoring the fact that you corrected them for the hundred time makes him wonder if they want him to punch their face

-seeing you losing your smile is enough for him to almost jump on the person

-he would probably insult them and tell them to shut the hell up, yelling that you passed very well and that they were assholes

-you have to hold him back from punching them

-he corrects everyone who misgenders you : people in the street, in the train, when buying groceries, the doctor... it's always "sorry but my boyfriend, (Name), is a man" and he doesn't give a hell if he has to say it ten times a day

-he'll get very, very upset everytime people disrespect you like this. if he had the occasion he would probably tell them his thoughts and not it the polite way

-with people just being transphobic on purpose... Well, nothing good will happen to them

-if you're here, he would keep his composure because he knows that you don't want to "make a scene", telling them that their little "opinion" about you is not needed at all

-some lines like "who asked?" or "hmm handsome, do you mind if we go back to the house now? Talking with stupid people is irritating" are very frequent

-sometimes mutters a little "shit i wish i could slice his nasty tongue", with a fake angry smile directed to the man

-when you're not here... he will find a way to beat the shit out of them

-sometimes using words, roasting them to the bone and making sure their disgusting mouth will not be used to insult you again

-sometimes using venus and mars, his two hands, making sure they lose enough teeth to not be able to speak anymore

-big problems need big solutions

-he will never tell you this of course, not wanting you to feel bad or to scold him becaude violence is not the answer

-he always smiles a little when you rant about how that guy who was acting as a transphobic asshole to you some days ago became silent, not daring to look at you

-he makes sure all your colleagues treat you fine and use your right pronouns and name

-and he comforts you the best he can when you're feeling bad because of transphobia and being misgendered

-the boyfriend you deserve!!

With you family

-you're not out to all of your family, and the ones you're out to..

-ajax doesn't like them. like at all

-like, the first time he went to your parents' house, he was quite nervous because he wanted to be accepted as your boyfriend

-you both arrived, and for 15 minutes straight, he was just confused because they kept using your deadname and she/her

-didn't you told them four or five months ago??

-he tried to teach them that what they were doing hurt you, that your name is (Name) and that you're a man

-he put it in very simple terms that even a toddler would understand

-but they kept refusing to acknowledge it

-because they said that they accepted you, but on the other hand, they misgendered you and used your deadname

-and it became clear

-they didn't accepted you

-and ajax has nothing to do with people who don't accept you

-he managed to make you leave the dinner sooner, insisting for two whole hours that you were his amazing boyfriend (Name) when talking about you, and at your house, he told you that he had nothing to do with your family anymore and that you should break the contact

-you both had a fight that night, and when he apologized the next day, he told you that you should do what you wanted but that he would never get along with your family, and he thought that they didn't deserve you

-for months, you decided to keep a bond with your family, trying not to cry everytime they said that you were just being selfish, that it was more difficult for them, that if you wanted them to understand you, you had to understand them first, that you were still the "little girl that grew up in the belly of your mother" who wore pretty dresses and had long hair

-ajax was starting to lose his mind

-finally, you decided that you should do something

-you gave them a last chance, and seeing that they didnt wanted it, you said "see you never", okay not actually like that but that's the spirit

-that was hard but you managed to go through it with ajax's support

-by the way, he has a very supportive family who loves you, and his friends are also your friends so you feel better about not having your family in you life anymore

Random

-he goes to pride walks with you! making sure you bring enough water an sun cream

-he makes you sit on his shoulders as you wave the trans flag

-he buys you plushies with the trans flag colours

-overall, he's just an amazing boyfriend!!

credit : @orionicchaos

#genshin impact #headcanons #lgbtq+#genshin #headcanon #ajax #childe #tartaglia #tartaglia genshin impact #tartaglia x m!reader #childe x m!reader #genshin x m!reader #trans #trans man #ftm #childe genshin impact #tartaglia x trans!m!reader

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theafrochick · 5 months

Text

my red flag is I'll wake up and be hurtled into a silly goofy mood so i write shit like this to cope. I like the idea of putting this in the long fic im deluding myself into thinking I'm going to write but for now have a snippet i guess since it'd feel weird posting this on ao3? idk.

we love stolas having a mental breakdown. and we also love asmodeus being along for the ride cus Asmodeus playing bob the builder with Stolas would fulfill all my needs in life actually.

something something projection and copium

Anyway

Pairing is: stolas & asmodeus. hurt/comfort

Word count: 2,741

I got sick of writing this lmao ignore the ending.

“What else is this supposed to be about then? I don’t know why we keep doing this when you found somebody else’s dick to hop on.”

“W-what on earth are you talking about?” Anxiety stabbed into you as you hug your grimoire to your chest. This was supposed to be a conversation. This was supposed to fix everything and instead if was devolving faster than you could have dreamed.

“Don’t play dumb Stolas, you and Asmodeus are plastered across every tabloid this side of hell. At least have the balls to admit that you’re just keeping me around as a side piece.”

“No, no, Blitzy it’s not like that. We’re friends! I’m doing him a favor, I would never do something like that. What do you take me for?” Blitz takes a step back when you try to approach him, an unfamiliar look of disdain crossing his features. A knot settles in your chest as you felt yourself shrink before him.

You knew you were a hypocrite for wanting him to believe that you wouldn’t cheat considering your relationship was a product of an affair, but you assumed his jealousy would be resolved when he realized Asmodeus was in a very committed relationship of his own. Clearly that wasn’t enough but you weren’t sure what else you could do for him. It felt like it didn’t matter at the end of the day. You had done for this him but he would never believe you if you actually said that. Or it’d somehow add more fuel to this never ending fire.

“I don’t see what kind of favor you needed him that involves you needing to hang all over him. If its about that stupid necklace you gave me so you wouldn’t have to see me anymore then consider the hint taken. You didn’t have to whore yourself out to get away from me.”

“I didn’t- I’m not- Please just listen to me, I only gave you that because-” You try to approach again. Blitz takes several steps back, folding his arms over his chest. Whatever faint connection you had to him snapped in that moment. The fact that there wasn’t anything to try and fix hit you like a truck and you the desire to cling to the vast nothing you had been given evaporated. You didn’t want to fight anymore. You were so tired of it. You suck in a breath, forcing yourself to straighten. Forcing yourself to not reach for him again even though a small part of you still wanted to. “Fine. If that’s how you feel then we can consider this the conclusion of any business we might have with one another. This 14th or any other are yours for the taking.”

You suck in another breath, then turn and take the stairs back into your house at a measured pace. In the resulting silence, filled by the bubbling of the fountain in the courtyard, you hoped that he wouldn’t actually let you walk away. But then the van door opened and closed. You opened the door to the foyer. The engine starts and fades just as quickly. You close the door, the click of the latch echoing through your head.

You’re fine. It’s okay. This is okay.

You feebly tried to placate yourself as you made your way through the house to put your grimoire away. If you didn’t it’d leave room for everything else to take root and even if you were pathetic, you refused to cry yourself to sleep on the entryway floor. This wasn’t the first time you just had to keep it together for a little while. What a handful of minutes compared to the other countless hours you had spent hiding from yourself.

But the grimoire never made it back to its place, because you were used to not having it. Because you had put a new book in its place. Because that book didn’t even fit well in your organization scheme but the blank space hurt to look at when you missed Blitz. Because you could handle the slight annoyance that it was in the wrong spot than look at that hole. Because if you moved that book to put your grimoire away then you’d have to find a new place for the wrong book. Because you didn’t have a place for it in the first place. Because then you’d end up reorganizing the mountain of books you had. Because after all that nothing would be the same. Because then you’d have to change. Because then you’d have to clean yourself. Because then you’d probably have to eat something. Because then you’d have to go to bed. Because then you’d have to wake up and grapple with the fact that you were as alone as you had felt your whole life.

Your knees give out and you curl into yourself. Between the sobs racking your body and the waves of anxiety that kept crashing over you you could barely breathe. Why is it always my fault?

How much more were you expected to give? You buried everything you wanted to the sake of others. You worried yourself sick. You overthought everything. You tarnished your birthright. You threw away whatever reputation you had t hat wasn’t trampled on by Stella. You couldn’t dig any deeper. There wasn’t any place you could hide from yourself anymore. You had nothing left and nothing to show for it. How was it still your fault that things ended up this way?

The vague burning sensation in your skin left behind from the feathers you hadn’t meant to rip out wasn’t enough to keep you grounded. And then more intentionally thinking that might leave you with something to grab onto as your magic misfired and bled into the room. Ichor seeped out of walls and pooled on the floor around you. The sound of cracking stone could scare be heard about the sound of your heart pounding in your aching chest. You’re making a mess, pull yourself together. This is unbecoming.

Normally a few sobering thoughts were enough for you to reign it in. To get some semblance of a grip on yourself and put yourself back together.

Not now. What was the point? You could stay there for as long as you wanted because nobody would care enough to come check on you. You could destroy the whole mansion and the only person who’d have to deal with it was you. This could just be another thing to add to the long list of things you couldn’t do right. Can’t be a prince. Can’t be a husband. Can’t be a father. Can’t be a boyfriend. Can’t be a boyfriend. Can’t take care of yourself. Can’t be left alone.

You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling your nails graze your skin before everything went silent.

“What the fuck...?”

You blink back into consciousness, cold from the ichor that had soaked into your clothes. Your head hurt, and your vision blurred. The tightness in your chest had subsided enough that you could at least breathe again. Maybe. Fresh anxiety wormed it’s way into you as Asmodeus cautiously pads over to you.

“Stolas, are you alright? What happened?”

You shove yourself into a sitting position, black spots dancing in your vision. A nervous laugh escapes you as you clap your hands together. “Oh, I was just...working on a spell.” Another nervous laugh. You set your soaked grimoire on the window seat, praying it was still legible. You could barely convince yourself that was an excuse let alone Asmodeus. Not when he was privy to everything that was going on and didn’t know how to let anything go. Not when you had unintentionally placed him in the middle of all of this.

“Wanna run that one by me again?” Asmodeus crouches in front of you, his head cocked earnestly to the side as he studies you.

“Just practicing…” You couldn’t bear to look at him as you forced the words out. Your stomach churned and your throat clenched. You weren’t sure if you were going to throw up or start crying again. Or both. “I’m fine, really. Do tell why you’re here.”

Asmodeus exhales sharply, resting his hand on the side of your face. He works his fingertips through your feathers to graze his claws against your skin. A tremor runs through you as the heat from his palm seeps into you. He always did run hot.

You fought the urge to sink into him, tension settling in your back as you sat a little straighter. “Really, I’ve just been out of practice so I thought it’d be good to reacquaint myself with some of the spells in the back of the book only I got distracted and it backfired a little. Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure I did worse when I was younger. Haven’t we all?”

You weren’t sure what you were going on about as the room groaned and shifted around you. But saying nothing of any real substance was easier than sitting there in silence, trying not to look at him. This display was shameful, even if it was supposed to be private. Nothing was ever private. One way or another others always managed to wiggle their way in. If you said you fine eventually you’d mean it again and then things could go back to normal.

The chandelier gives from the added weight of the petrification and rips itself free of the ceiling. Asmodeus starts, whipping his head around to look at the pile of stone and plaster sitting on the floor. “Stolas…” He edges closer to you, cupping your face with his hands. “Don’t lie to me. It’s one thing if you want to be alone to work through whatever the fuck this is, but nobody who knows you and has half a brain would believe you’re fine right now.” He chose his words carefully, his drawl being the only thing that stopped an actual pause from forming.

You wring your hands together in your lap. For a moment you were a child being scolded for getting upset and all you could do was bear it. What good would admitting to anything do? If you did then it’d make this more real than it already was. So this was just another thing you could do. Pretend. Not anymore. You had felt the mask slipping for some time now but you never thought the day would come where you actually couldn’t put it back on. “It’d be a waste for you to worry about me when this whole thing is my fault.”

“I have a very hard time believing that.”

You shrug helplessly, pulling your face from his hands. “It always is… Things never should have gotten this far. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t that’s the problem. I never think. None of this ever would have happened if I just did what I was supposed to, but I never do. I can’t do anything right.” You suck in a breath, batting his hands away when he reaches for you. “Sorry, that was rather uncalled for. You should just go.”

“Do you mean that?”

Of course not.

You wipe your face on your sleeve, undoubtedly smearing black on the side of your face. “It’s for the best.”

You tense when Asmodeus pulls you into his lap. You couldn’t manage to protest as he wraps himself around you. “It’ll be okay, Stolas, you’ll make it through this.”

For a moment you could breathe. Your mind goes blank for an instant before everything comes rushing back to the surface again. It hurt, and you were certain that you wouldn’t be okay. You had never been okay. How were you supposed to start now?

“There, there, let it all out.”

You whimper softly, burying your face in Asmodeus neck while he gently rocks you. You always liked how unnaturally warm he was. When given the chance it was hard not to drift to his side whether it was warranted or not. The sickly sweet smell that clung to him usually assaulted your senses and relaxed you but now it just mingled with your shame and made you too acutely aware of the situation you were presently in.

Getting a handle on yourself felt more a priority than working through whatever this was supposed to be. You needed out of this. You needed Asmodeus to feel like he had gotten what he wanted so he could continue on. You couldn’t get used to this. You couldn’t start to depend on him. He wasn’t yours to need. Nobody was. You were too old to be throwing a tantrum because you couldn’t get what you wanted. That’s what this boiled down to wasn’t it? Once again you expected too much. It was your own fault for getting your hopes up. How could you end up surprised you were here? This had been coming for months and you should have accepted this then. You should have taken the inevitable with grace. Especially when you left him with everything he wanted. He’d never think about you again while you stupidly clung to things that only ever mattered to you.

Was that it? Was everyone always placating you because it was easier than dealing with this? Maybe you were unreasonable. Asmodeus was only here because you hadn’t said the right things. If you were a little stronger you’d be cleaning. And you’d move that stupid book someplace else. Or throw it away because you didn’t even need it, it was just the first one you saw. What was it even called? To think you fell apart over something that normally didn’t occupy an ounce of head space. I’m hopeless.

You blink a few times, abruptly all too aware of your body pressed against Asmodeus’. Of his steady breathing. Of his heart thudding in his chest. You had enough sense to be embarrassed without a twinge of anxiety so you had to confront the fact that you had to actually start picking up the pieces of whatever Blitz had broken inside of you countless times. There probably wasn’t even anything left at this point, but trying was really your only option when Asmodeus certainly wasn’t going to let you go back to tearing yourself and your house apart.

For now, you were mostly tired, and if you stayed like this any longer the idea of sleeping on his chest would have been tempting. Though this raised the question of you needing to get out of this and you were no closer to a solution than when the question was first posed. “Uhm...Asmodeus?”

“Yes, Stolas?” Asmodeus shifts you a little higher, nuzzling your neck.

“You may put me down, if you want.”

Asmodeus studies you for a moment. While the scrutiny still made you uncomfortable, it wasn’t nearly as unbearable as before. He seemed satisfied that you weren’t still spiraling out of control and eased you back onto the floor. You brace yourself on his shoulder and stand, a headache forming at your temples. “Why don’t you come stay with me tonight?”

“No, no I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s alright. This is a big place. There are other beds.”

Asmodeus hauls himself off the floor, momentarily distracted by the puddle off ooze he had put his hand in. “I also have other beds. Ones that aren’t covered in freaky black jizz. Besides, you need a bath and I know you aren’t going to take one. You’re probably not even going to change either and that look on your face says it all.” Asmodeus cuts you off, “girl you need to get a grip. I’m all for spending all day in bed, but at least do it in a clean one.”

You sigh, not really having the energy to argue with him. “I really wouldn’t want to put you out.”

“I have servants for a reason, only people you’re putting out are on payroll. Though word of advice,” he snaps his fingers, opening a portal into a very pink bathroom, “don’t let Froggy make your breakfast. He’ll do it because he knows you’re too nice to say no, and I think you’ve suffered enough for one week.”

“I’m not-” The protest died on your lips as you stepped into the bright light. You were already missing your room before the portal had closed. “Fizzarolli thinks I’m nice?”

“How could anybody think otherwise?”

#helluva boss #fanfic #stolas #asmodeus #my writing

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protagonistheavy · 5 days

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We finished the Fallout show, somehow my eyes survived rolling around that much. The final episode is relatively fine, it's much better than all the other episodes, but so much on the merits that finally some plot twists are reached, some plot lines are explained... and yet so much is left unanswered or, worse, has just a dumb fucking answer to it.

This feels less like a season finale and more of a mid-season waypoint, which is pretty much the case with so many shows nowadays, where second seasons are already planned in advance -- effectively taking one decent season and cutting it in half to sell twice.

Though some of my previous concerns were relieved by watching the show to the end, there's still plenty that goes unresolved. I still stand that much of the gore and sex are overdone, especially for representing a series that has fairly little of both -- I certainly don't think sex and blood first when I imagine Fallout. In fact most of the elements I most wanted to see from this adaptation of Fallout go overlooked, in favor of cramming in all the most generic or fan-favorite elements.

And there are just some really, really fucking stupid moments in this show. I'm so surprised at how much of this stuff gets a pass from other viewers because it stands out to me so badly. One sequence that bothers me so much involves the episodes where Lucy and Maximus are in the other vault, a location that is just so aggravating. Sorta spoilers: it's wild to me how convenient it was that, in all of the wasteland, and with the armor even being hidden beforehand, the vault STILL manages to find and then carry back an entire power armor suit... but then they also leave it accessible and unguarded for the very owner to then reclaim whenever he wants, which okay, it doesnt have a fusion core -- but then this vault also leaves their energy facility completely accessible and unguarded where anyone can just come down and take out the vault's entire power source, and THEN when this maniac comes out raging in power armor, they just.... let him leave, with the fusion core, that is essential to their survival, and only afterwards do Lucy and Maximus have the conversation to give the fusion core back, which leaves the armor powerless again, but instead of hiding it or doing anything with it this time, they just, leave it sitting there outside the vault. I mean, jesus fucking christ.

And the show has such an obsession with trying to introduce some new annoying character every couple of episodes. Maybe the humor worked for some viewers but I found so much of it more annoying than endearing. Some moments are fairly funny, but the tone rarely works; I was laughing at many other unintentional aspects than deliberate jokes.

Like how they kept reusing the gulper cgi that must have gulped the entire special effects budget. Appearing as a straight-up monster that gets killed in a swamp, seen again as some kind of captive specimen in a lab, and then AGAIN as the break-out science experiment seen in the old video footage. They really couldnt have whipped up some other creatures besides rad roaches huh. I mean for something that seems so designed "for fans" we don't even get to see a classic deathclaw, except for like its skull in the desert, like, come on.

So yeah after all this Im just so surprised how much praise it's gotten. I do see a fair half of people also dislike the show as much as I do, it's a pretty even-split down the middle, so I know I'm not totally crazy. There are parts to like about this story but it's so riddled with issues and all together does not feel like a complete season of a show, with some entire characters being left in an awkward middle state with nothing to be left thinking about between seasons. The parts that most feel like Fallout are all the most Bethesda-based aspects; the parts where it tries harder to be something different is where it works best, hence why I find myself more invested in the pre-war scenes rather than all the stuff that feels like a scrapped Fallout 5 plot.

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mysteriawrites · 9 months

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Matchup requests forda gooooo (Niji en pls uwu)

So first i'll describe myself ig-

I am a very empathetic person, always putting others before me :) I am the type of person to befriend all types of people too! I like to chexk up on my friends and fam a lot, I tend to just pop in and ask how they are hehe

My form of love language, both platonic and romantic, is physical touch, quality time and words of affirmation <3

My friends say I am VERY expressive, though im the type to try to hide my feelings a lot, especially when irs negative, i tend to just push that back to not kill the mood or to please people- However, according to my friends, they can already tell by just looking at me ;3;

As for my hobbies and passions. I am an artist! I can sit all day and draw if i want to! I also live writing stories and coming up wit a lot of character lore for my many ocs :D

Well thats all from me :) cant wait to see what you got!

Hello thank you for the request! Had to think on this one for a bit (you had two really great guys fighting over you) but I hath decided. DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

IKE EVELAND!!!

The man of sex-/j

I think you and Ike would be good together. You two have a lot in common. You’re both emotional and empathetic people. You look out for others while still pursuing your passions.

You and Ike met when you went to a book signing of his. He was your favorite author every book he wrote was better than the last. When you found out he was doing book signings at your local library as part of a charity event you couldn’t pass up the chance. So you gather as much money as your could and your favorite book from him and went off on your journey.

The line was super long, so long it made you squirm even more in anticipation and nervousness. Finally it was your turn, and he was every bit and beautiful as he was in his pictures if not more. He smiled at you as you handed him your book.

Much to your pleasure (and the displeasure of the people behind you) you and Ike hit it off. You two were talking about the book he was signing for you and what you enjoyed about as well as what was going through his mind that inspired him to write it. Unfortunately your time was cut short as his manager told him they had to keep it moving. So you said your goodbyes and assumed that was that.

Except it wasn’t, because a few hours later when you went to your favorite cafe for lunch you saw him again. He was on lunch break from the signing and almost took your order by mistake. When you two made eye contact again Ike’s eyes lit up like a chrismas tree. Despite being in a hurry and his shy nature he wanted to continue your conversation, so he gave you his number.

Since that day you two have had very avid discussions about all sorts of topics: favorite books, favorite hobbies, hopes, dreams, and eventually romance. He confessed that despite writing all about love he had yet to experience much of it himself and wished he could experience the fantasies he’s only dreamed about.

As he ranted off about the romantic and gentlemanly things he would do with his partner, you couldn’t help but with that you could be the person in those fantasies with him. That’s when it hit you: you were in love with the sweet novelist Ike Eveland.

You couldn’t get your mind off him after that. You so desperately wanted to be his lover, but you were too shy, too nervous to confess to him. You tried to ignore your feelings hoping they would go away, but they only got stronger.

One day you got a knock on the door. You open the door to be greeted with the man of (sex) the hour himself holding what looked to be a gift basket filled with flowers, your favorite snacks and candies, your favorite movies, and a few books.

You asked what it all was for and he responds that he noticed how you had been a bit down lately and he wanted to try and cheer you up. That was the last straw you couldn’t contain it anymore.

You jumped up, hugged him, and told him how much you loved him only for your eyes to widen as you realized what you said. You look up nervously at the novelist only to see him stunned, eyes wide, and a bright red blush on his face. After a moment of awkward silence he regains his composure and asks if you really ment what you said.

You respond and his face breaks out into a small smile. He admits that he had feelings for you too, since day one in fact, and he had been too shy to tell you. The his eyes light up with realization and he says he’ll be right back. He returns with what he says is a special book he wants you to read.

You open the book to the booked marked page and there in red letters and cursive writing it says “will you be mine? ❤️” of course you say yes.

And the rest is history. You two became a couple and you couldn’t be happier. Since you also like to write you help him with his novels from time to time. Your dates usually consist of just cuddling and reading together or karaoke nights. Sometimes you two will have a contest on who can be the most romantic and think of different romantic scenarios together, different kinds of dates and presents, and what your future could hold.

In short you guys are really cute.

This took me a bit to figure out it was a tie between Ike and Hex, but gut said Ike so I went with him. It was also kind awkward because they’re both my oshies and writing for your oshi can be quite awkward lol. Anyway sorry about how late this is hope you enjoy.

Runners Up: Hex Haywire

#multi fandom blog #multifandom #multifandom account #multifandom writer #multi fandoms posts #multifandom fanfiction #matchups #multifandom x reader #multifandom imagines #nijisanji en #ike eveland #ike eveland x reader #luxiem

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spectrelove · 3 months

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i turned 25 yesterday.

i went out on a limb and had some people over to celebrate. ive been so stressed that i thought doing something with friends one night might be a relief. but my social anxiety just rocketed thru the roof. an hour had gone by and nobody had showed up yet after i spent the day literally racing around to make sure everything was ready in time and i started to get sick to my stomach. people started to show up and it was fine one by one, showing them around and having a moment with them to catch up, but soon i just felt so scattered, and my hearing disability can't pick up specific words in chatter and noisy din, so i just got frazzled and distracted, and every time i joined a conversation i wanted to be a part of it would come to a dead halt. it was a whole heap of mini-interactions that deepened my self-loathing with every swing, the self-loathing that i thought i had healed waaaay more than this. i even took 3x the amount of beta blockers that i usually do and it did nothing to alleviate the sensation i was going thru. here are all the friends i love in my living room and i hate myself so much, i feel so pathetic and far away from all of them.

i realized that today when i was reflecting on it, all wet and weepy and emotionally drained. soggy. last night cast stage lights on that excruciating feeling of alienation that i've been sinking in since i gained consciousness. not to sound edgy but it was like my embryonic fluid. idk why i was born with it already settled in my stomach like a copper egg. it's even shittier because all of these people love me, they tell me they do, and they showed up for me because they care about me, and by the end of the night i was so upset by them. nobody got too drunk or anything like that, everyone was just kinda on one. i kept getting interrupted, i couldn't get a word in, i couldn't figure out who was saying what to whom, and i felt so vapid anytime i did finally say something. just felt so fucking lame and flimsy. i kept looking at a*** across the room and wishing i was just with him. every time he laughed i felt squeezed.

annie even baked me such a cute cake and i was so overstimulated and out of my body that i couldnt taste it. while we were all trying it in the kitchen i held back tears. i think it's just that i've been so extremely stressed for the last 2 months, and trying really, really hard to keep my shit together and improve myself, re-structure my routines, work doubles to try to pay rent and attend class while doing so, putting critical thought into my own self-development, make goals having to do with personal finance, and meanwhile getting like,,, maybe 45% from the people around me, i mean, it's like running thru quicksand and im already so burnt out. i was looking for a night with ppl i love where i could feel goofy and relaxed. but i remembered why i used to drink so heavily. it was to run away from this fucking feeling.

while the last 4 were leaving at 1am i was trying my best to usher them to the front door because i couldn't hold back the tears anymore. 25, i'm not gonna have a crisis, because i'm getting my fucking shit together before i can. but 25 and you can try as hard as you want because you can't predict shit and it's always gonna be difficult. 25 and you can't rely on expectations. 25, whatever, it's all gonna be ok. a*** had to drive b back to their place so i knew he was gonna have to leave. he kissed me and brought me in to hug me and asked if i had a good birthday. all i could do was sort of nod because i couldn't even lie. i held onto him and when we pulled away i tried to hide my eyes. he actually left. and c******* did too. and my stomach dropped, the fucking copper egg dude, that confirmation that no matter how hard i try i will never feel like i'm on the same plane as the people i love, i will always feel this fucking loneliness.

i locked the door and just like immediately had a total nervous breakdown....haha.... trying to muffle the sobs on my couch, i felt crazy. shaking, seeing static, feeling sorry for myself. it's so pathetic. maybe it's also largely the fear that my medication isn't working, that im not as removed from the bad depressive episodes as i thought i was. i like couldn't believe that a*** just left too. and after all this, spending the day i took off to prepare something nice for other people, the very thing i like decided to do, i was left alone in the party debris circling the drain. but here's where i found a mark of change. when i saw what i looked like in the bathroom mirror, i decided to reach out and ask for help instead of rotting in my own dark spiral like i always do. and i texted a*** i actually really did not want to be alone and that i was upset. i missed a call from him a minute later and he texted me "im coming back!" while i was cleaning dishes and trying to stop the crying he knocked on my door and when he saw the way my makeup was running he almost started laughing with that surprised "aw, oh my god" and he hugged me so hard. like really held the back of my head to his chest and he let me bury my face into him and i started crying again, and he kept me there so tight and let me cry. i just kept apologizing.

he said he knew i was feeling that way and that he could see it all in my eyes and that he was going to call me when he got home after dropping buckley off. he said he saw me stare off into space when everyone was in the kitchen. im still thinking about it, how he was tuned into me the whole night.

things have been a little rocky with us because i've been extremely stressed out and he's been depressed. but he has been so sweet to me these past couple of days and im crying just thinking about it. ive been so weepy and sensitive lately. :( tuesday night he came to dinner with my family and was super present and held my hand and in the parking lot he walked me to his car cuz he said he had something for me and handed me a gorgeous bouquet of roses. and of course i burst into tears! ive never been given roses before!! and i wasn't expecting anything. i've been feeling so distant from him and that gesture just brought me back. and after i went home to put them in water i drove across the street to his and we played video games and then had sex for the first time in a minute and it was really loving and hot and lingering and he was paying a lot of attention to me and into me and focusing on making me cum. and that's how i could tell that my mind is seriously off right now, because i couldn't let myself drop into the experience like normal. i could barely feel it like i usually do. and this is the thing that i basically crave. but after i was just racing thoughts and out of body again. after, he played bass while i lay close to him, and we talked about music and he showed me some new riffs and stuff and i was happy to be with him. i tried to tell him i was not good and he was genuinely concerned but i couldn't verbalize that i needed him to, like, essentially smother me to make me feel secure again. we got down into bed and put on hackers and at one point i mentioned something about big boobs, a joke, and was like if i had big tits i would have a whole different personality. i don't think it would be good for me." and, like truly an excellent burn cuz he was joking too, he was like "yea, youd have a lot more personality." but im so insecure right now that i like fought back tears and felt that comment grip my ribs and he saw my face fall and felt so bad, apologizing and telling me it was a joke, and pulling me in and kissed my forehead and face a bunch and it alleviated it. i don't know why i feel so shitty about myself right now. he held me to his chest and cradled my head and let me sleep, telling me to get rest because i had been up since 7a. he held me the whole night. at one point i woke up and our foreheads were pressed together so hard, really jamming our heads together in our sleep. and when i woke up to leave in the morning, i kissed him goodbye and, all sleepy and cute and quiet he said "happy birthday". my heart skipped.

before the party he came over to help me get ready. i have the pretty red lace top that corset laces down the back and he spent a long time lacing it up for me, making sure it was perfect, and it was quiet and sweet and romantic. and he picked my skirt to go with it. at one point it had come undone and, automatically and in front of everyone, he fixed it, tying it up, asking me if it was too tight, and it felt so loving, he was really doting on me, and i felt fragile and sweet. in that moment i had the thought that we would be happily married.

and here he was, having already resolved to come back -- i looked at the ground behind him and he had brought an overnight bag. and he absolutely took care of me. he let me rant and wiped my tears and he made me laugh. "don't birthdays suck? i told you." i know!!! he gave me such a great pep talk, and validated me for all the hard work ive been doing, called out all the idiots, and we related on everything, we really are the same person like he said back when we first started dating, and by the end i felt 100x better. he let me hold onto him as long as i wanted. and we talked about our relationship too, unexpectedly, and it was all of the validation that ive really been needing. "i feel lucky, too. you're so awesome, and fucking hot, and cute and goofy and smart. im really happy to be with you." and he genuinely complimented my outfit. and he reassured me that everyone had fun. and he didnt judge me at all when i told him about how everyone made me feel, he took it all in stride. he really understood.

he helped me clean up more, and while we were in the kitchen we were talking about funny cats and i said that i really am gonna get a cat within these next few months, that it's time. and he goes "i know, ive been thinking im gonna get one too. it would just be really nice to have one to hang out with." and then he said that we should get one. i was genuinely exhilarated, it felt like my heart actually opened. "really???" "yeah :)" "i would love that!!!! i think about that all the time! I think we would have a really great cat." and general timeline is within the few months. i asked him where it would stay and he said it should be at my place. i joked about shared custody. we joked about if it's a shitty cat we could rehome it and try again. but the idea of us having a cat together has filled me with so much hope again. and we started getting ready for bed, brushing our teeth together and changing into comfy clothes and talking and laughing the whole time, and it felt like we really lived together in my place, our own space, and it felt fun!! i felt so much better with him! and natural and at ease. and looking at him over the bed i had that thought again that we could have a really lovely, fun, and safe life together. we talked about the beginning. he said i was an obvious flirt with him. apparently when we went inside hotel vegas for the show i smiled at him and reached out and touched his arm. i was like shocked pikachu. and then defended myself but defeated, admitted that of course i thought he was cute. but why didn't he respond to my message the next day after we hung out all night? it left the impression that he had bitches, considering his status as hot rawk starr in a metal band. he said he was nervous. it had been a long time since he had talked to anyone or been with anyone. i reveled in how everything has panned out. i told him that i was such a freak with him because he is everything i prayed for in a partner, and when i met him i was like no way would this guy be into me. but i get to be with the person i used to visualize. and he seemed actually moved by that. kissed me soft and sweet.

we snuggled down into my bed and he put on the two towers because he's a perfect boyfriend who knows what's gonna calm me down. i was like "ugh!!! this is what my day should have been like!!!! can we do this next year?!" he was like "lotr extended edition marathon? with themed snacks?" i kissed him all over his face. he fell asleep in minutes and i loved the whole moment.

#journal

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agrossofworms · 1 year

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“best friends?”: an observational.

what did i do this time? what went wrong in the last 24 hours that caused this? why are you treating me like this?

“you’re my best friend!”

you cant call me your best friend and expect me to just take the way im treated in stride.

openly bashing me for my interests. “i won’t take opinions from anyone who enjoys that game.”

giving me a double standard that only i have to meet. “oh you two can say that all you want— not you. i’d beat the breaks off you for that.”

refusing to communicate. (the silence takes the place of any words she could possibly spin for me.)

talking over me in every single group setting we enter. making jokes at my expense, obviously ignoring me at any chance that you’re able to grab.

i found your airpods that you lost in my house. i saw that you opened that message immediately. you know how much it hurts me to be so blatantly ignored. message sent : 18:59. message read : 18:59.

i see it. you didn’t even bother with a thank you.

ive cried myself dry in your lap, someone who says she loves me. i cried, telling you how undesireable and unwanted i feel in my life. that my very existence is a chore for others. that i think my friends don’t truly like me because of some unknown thing. some looming, daunting unlikableness that follows me like a warning sign.

i beg to find out what it is. i never will. i will never know what about me makes it so that i can be walked over, talked over, and shoved out.

i got up in the middle of a conversation that i wasn’t even part of. i’d given up trying to comment or contribute some thirty minutes prior, hiding away in our friend’s room under her blankets.

you had no idea i even got up and left. i was that unimportant in that moment, i was that unnecessary, unneeded, unwanted.

please just tell me what it is that you hate so much about me. i can’t keep tearing away my layers to dissect each one for the problem.

i don’t know why you’re being this way.

are we really “best friends”?

#autism #poetry #web weaving #friendships #bpd vent #vent post

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usualstranger · 5 months

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i feel like i transitioned "too much"

not for myself, im pretty content with every medical decision i made

but since i began hrt, and even more so since top surgery, i feel like im being denied nonbinary spaces

like i keep describing my gender with vague noises & hand motions, i have stickers with the nonbinary pride flag on a bunch of my belongings, i dont hide it

well for medical staff, work & family im officially One Of The Boys™

and for strangers its about 50/50 in terms of pronouns/gendered language, and i dont correct them either way

but my close, queer friends dont really see me as nonbinary

even the nonbinary ones

and that kinda hurts

like id post a meme on a group chat & theyd make it pretty clear they think im targeting them, or they say things like "oh well we're talking about nonbinary stuff so..." because they think i dont belong in the conversation

& any time i mention people being confused by my gender (which i feel really happy about), they really insist on me looking like such a Manly Man, and how the other person must have been blind or something because its so obvious im a Man

idk

i wonder if that has happened to anyone else

& i know im very lucky to have such supportive friends & they dont mean any harm obviously

but idk it still hurts

i feel like ive spent so much time trying to escape one tiny box & i thought i would be free but ive been put in this other one instead & i dont have the energy to start this whole fight all over again

anyway

its far from a big problem i know, im in a really privileged position rn

but it kind of sucks being excluded by your own peers & close friends from something you really want to be a part of

#anyway ill stop whining now aha #gender dysphoria #transmasc #transgender #social dysphoria #rambles #ramblings #nonbinary #enby #medical transition #hrt #top surgery #300 words #oops

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lewlthea · 1 year

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I think I’ve never seen a Fire Emblem game where the characters feel like set dressing instead of an important part of the story like they do in Engage.

While they all have different character traits and designs, most of them have the same dynamics with almost every other character and theres just. A lack of flair there that I cannot understand. Because half of the cast are nobles, and because for some reason the game itself hides important character backstories from the player unless they go into supports (e.g citrinne and diamant being childhood friends, panette and pandreo being siblings), they all feel flat- they’re either retainers or nobles and theres no interesting dynamic outside of that. For example, you’ll never see a support like fe7’s priscilla/lucius in this game because while these two share the same roles as most characters in engage (noble and retainer), their dynamic is hostile and uncomfortable to each party because of their connection to other people and their past, which we already know of because to recruit lucius, priscilla must reveal to raven that she is his long lost sister - and because of that even though their conversations are very stinging to one another and it gets interesting fast because it brings to the table yet another character’s intentions and feelings, they manage to sort it out. Literally close to none of the Engage characters have any of that because almost none of them are allowed to have a shared history to anyone other than the lords theyre bound to serve or the retainers that protect them.

So far to me very few supports stand out in my mind, the most clear being alcryst/ivy (which actually uses the game’s threadbare story and ivy’s actions as a former enemy unit as a jumping point, i wish the c support did not resolve their animosity so fast but i do appreciate how the character whose entire personality trait is to apologize for everything he does actively refuses to do so when consumed in anger, thats character depth baby!), pandreo/panette (which i do enjoy but i can confess that i havent finished yet bc i do not use pandreo) and lapis/rosado (just has general good vibes and uses past chapters for reference in a clever way, plus this is the support that rosado explicitly confirms that theres no concept of gender in their hometown and i did not ever imagine a fire emblem saying the word gender in a positive way in my entire life). Overall, so far not much has impressed me in terms of characters in this game- the most I’m doing is hyping up Alcryst to myself at all times to at least get attached to something so I can bring myself to continue the game - and I’m already at the doorstep to chapter 25, at this point im only grinding for supports - and the last time I’ve had to do this sort of thing was to complete PERSONA 4 (aka hatecrime the videogame) so yeah engage is. Bad.

#fire emblem #fe engage #ramblings of a lunatic #all things said. stan alcryst #thats right im hyping him up even in the shitty tag section i dont give a shit #i’ll be back when our beloved iron18 aka jugdral remake comes out but in the meantime im struggling in the club

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