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buckysimp101 · 2 years

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Everything The Light Touches (18+) - Chapter Ten

Mafia!Bucky x F!Reader

chapter warnings: language, angst, smoking, drinking, a lil bit of fluffy drunk bucky (you’ll see)

a/n: i. am. back! sorry for the wait for this chapter folks, it’s been an absolutely insane week but i have returned for an update! am i still dealing with a mild concussion? yup. did i want to put this chapter out as soon as i could though? also yes. don’t worry though, i’ve treated you to a 4k+ word chapter lol, hope y’all enjoy, if you wanna be added to the taglist just let me know!

Series Masterlist

Bucky sat in the silence that followed your exit, stewing over the stipulations you gave him. You hadn’t asked for anything ridiculous, hadn’t requested something so far out of the limitations of the life you were stepping into. But he couldn’t help but just…stew.

First: “I want a contract. It might not be legally binding, because we can’t talk plainly about the reason we’re marrying, but it will be binding within the family. Nod if you agree.”

What else could he do but nod. He’d never seen you take charge like this in the years he’d known you, but there was something that made him think he liked being bossed around a little. But something told him that it was only you he’d be willing to take directions from and Bucky Barnes hoped and prayed that one day he’d be able to achieve your forgiveness and test that theory.

Second: “I want separate rooms. I know I will have to move in with you for this to look legitimate, but I will not sleep in the same bed, let alone the same room as you.”

That had made Bucky smirk a little. The fact that you’d thought hard about what a marriage to him would be like that you’d made a stipulation in your contract to stay as far away from his bed as possible. At the same time, Bucky had felt a pain in his chest as he realized he’d not be marrying you the way he once thought he would. Once upon a time, James Barnes had hopes to marry Y/N L/N in the most elaborate of ceremonies, proclaiming his love to the world. That dream had been dashed a decade ago, and mostly by his own hand; a realization he was seeing more clearly each and every day.

Third: “I will continue to work with Stark Industries. I will be allowed to visit Tony and Pepper whenever I want. I do not need to know what moves are being made between you and my…them. The less I know the better. I will not go down with any of you, even if I am married to you, if any of this ends up on the desk of the police commissioner, understood?”

He’d gotten cocky. His friends and family would probably say too cocky but at that moment he’d just responded with the first thing that popped into his head.

“You think the police commissioner is so unattached from this world that he’d dare try to take us down?”

Cause that’s the way you make her want to fuckin marry you, dipshit, he thought to himself only seconds after speaking those words. One thing about Bucky Barnes? He was notorious for making shit worse.

Fourth: “You’re free to sleep with whoever you want. I will not ask you to…deny yourself. I just don’t want to know about it, do NOT bring anyone into our home. Not only would it be disrespecting your wife in front of everyone, it would bring the legitimacy of our marriage into question. Are we clear?”

That stipulation had given him pause. It was that stipulation that made the reality of a wedding between Bucky and you feel like more of a…well…reality. Bucky hadn’t thought once about what would happen after the two of you married. If you would ever be able to repair a friendship that he’d torn to shreds, and not done a great job fixing in recent times, or if you’d hate each other for the rest of your lives. You both were full grown adults with basic sexual needs. And right now, Bucky realized, if those needs were to be filled…they wouldn’t be with each other. Something that had Bucky grinding his teeth in anger. But again, he had merely nodded his agreement to your fourth stipulation.

Fifth: “On that note, I want you to know that I will not, and I want this to be oh so perfectly clear, I will NOT give the Barnes Family an heir.”

Oh the entire conversation that came with that condition had Bucky hot and cold at the same time. He was grinning like an idiot. A fucking idiot. At the fact that you’d thought about sleeping with him in some way in order to bring up this stipulation. Then as he decided to oh-so-stupidly point out that fact, the grin that had been growing on his lips was wiped away in an instant. You were correct. A million percent correct that he’d made a major life decision without you in the past. One that, if he’d been smarter at nineteen and used his resources, wouldn’t have the two of you fuming at each other from across the Barnes Family Dining Room Table. He hated that you thought he’d force you into giving him an heir. Hated that you thought he’d take that big of a life-changing decision out of your own hands. Hated all the steps he’d taken in his life that led you to having that level of distrust in him. While Bucky’s face showed anger, his stomach felt like it was lined with lead. He’d never felt more sick in his life. But he couldn’t tell you that. It was your final demand that tipped him over that edge.

Lastly: “Lastly, if Alexander and Liam both end up disappearing, I want out. I want a divorce. I want to go back to California. I never want to see you again.”

Hurt like he hadn’t known in a number of years flooded through him at your final words. But a part of Bucky knew that he had nobody to blame but himself. He also knew, that he wasn’t going to hold you into a contractual marriage longer than was necessary. It would kill you. Slowly. And he couldn’t do that to you. Not again. So, like he’d done to all your previous requisites, he nodded, grinding his teeth as hard as he could to stop himself from saying something that would bomb the whole agreement, and he watched you walk away in search of his parents and Tony.

Bucky knew he was a dumbass. He knew now just how stupid he’d been all those years ago. The fact that you had to approach him and his family, with a contract for marriage, to save your own life? It was proof that he’d done the opposite of protecting you. You. The one person in this world that he’d have killed for or been killed for once upon a time. You, the former light of his entire life. The person he was willing to share his entire empire with. He’d driven you away. He’d driven you right into the arms of the people who wanted nothing more than to use you. Hurt you. Force you to do something that would utterly transform you.

And the truth was…he wasn’t much better than them.

He’d made your decision for you all those years ago. And now James Buchanan Barnes was dealing with those consequences. Guilt swirled through his head and his heart as he continued to mull over the conversation that had taken place at the dining room table not long ago. He’d heard you speaking with his father about inviting a friend to the wedding and a promise from George in return to do his best. Bucky decided to take a breather, and a cigarette, on the balcony just outside the dining room, but apparently you’d had the same idea. Bucky hadn’t even been able to light his before the door was being tossed open and you were walking right past where he was sitting in the dark to the balcony’s edge. Seeing you encompassed by the light of the shining moon and the glittering lights of Manhattan had Bucky practically gasping for air. He knew you were beautiful. Always had been, always will be. A part of him was eager to make you his wife, until he remembered all the conditions that would come with it and that it was as fake of a marriage as Megan’s tits.

Fucking Megan Bucky had practically growled internally. She’d been blowing up his phone all week and after tonight there was no way he was going to be reaching out to her any time soon. Even though stipulation four stated he could sleep with whoever he wanted, Bucky had a feeling there was a little more emotion hidden under that. And he wasn’t quite ready to deal with it. He went to speak when he saw you pull out a cigarette and lighter, and a part of him wanted to laugh out loud at watching you indulge in the habit you’d given him such shit for over the years. But again, he was silenced. The vision of you smoking made Bucky feel like you were actively trying to inhale all the stress and anger and then blow it all away. But he knew he couldn’t sit in silence like a creeper anymore and just watch you, so he cleared his throat and spoke. He knew he sounded like a tool. A fucking prick. But for some reason, Bucky still spoke to you as if he wanted nothing to do with you. The opposite was true. Bucky Barnes was willing to learn everything about you, all your nuances, all your changes, all your interests all over again. But his fucking mouth just didn’t know when to stop. And the next time he spoke, more stupidity fell out.

“You know Y/N, you never asked if I had any stipulations. I think it’s time we talked.”

StupidstupidstupidfuckingSTUPID. Oh my god you sound like a goddamn ASSHOLE! His inner monologue was raging and it took all his might not to outwardly cringe at the way his words sounded. One look at you and Bucky could practically feel the heat of your anger bubbling under the surface of your skin. Bucky scrambled looking for a way to course correct the things he’d just said to you and then he paused. Realization took over. Realization that he was acting this way to try and protect you. And that maybe if you hated him. And continued to hate him throughout the course of this scam of a marriage. Then maybe you’d be able to do what you wanted after Liam and Alexander were disposed of. You’d be able to leave. Live your own life. Love who you wanted. Even if that meant it wasn’t him. So Bucky Barnes did what he does best. He continued to act like an asshole. And began listing his own “stipulations," i.e. whatever he could say that may drive the nail into the coffin that forces her to leave him eventually.

“Well firstly, there’s the expectation that you be the best little mafia wife in existence,” he drawled, watching the anger that was simmering under the surface bubble over fully onto your face before continuing, “and that means speaking when spoken to, not getting involved in the Family business without consulting me first. It means being respectful of the organization you find yourself a part of now. You come to me when you have a problem with me, not my father, not my mother, not Tony Fucking Stark. Me. Clear?”

You had to be grinding your teeth just as much as he’d been during the announcement of your conditions but you cleared your throat and answered nonetheless, “As glass, Barnes.” You looked at him pointedly, one eyebrow raised waiting for him to continue and that’s what spurred Bucky on. He didn’t have nearly as many demands as you’d had, partially because he wasn’t convinced that you were ever going to show up at his parents house in the first place so he didn’t have time to prepare.

“Finally, and yes there are only two stipulations here as opposed to the entire table of contents you pulled on me back there. Finally, I don’t expect you to sleep with anyone. The only person you can have is me while we are married. Sleeping with another man, no matter how well you think you can hide it, would bring dishonor on the entire organization. That means no flirting with my men or any random ones you might see throughout our marriage. No sex, in our home or outside it. I expect you to uphold these conditions and I will do the same for yours. I hope that we are understood.”

His final stipulations were spoken with a clipped tone as Bucky attempted to distance himself by pissing you off. He didn’t wait for you to respond verbally, you offered a nod of your head and that was enough for him. Bucky put out his cigarette and disappeared back inside the Barnes family home, finding his parents and Tony Stark eagerly waiting one of them to come back inside. Bucky made eye contact with his father who was looking at his son curiously, trying to get a read on the energy that Bucky was emitting. They stared in silence for a moment before George spoke.

“You are dismissed. She’s moving in tomorrow morning. Don’t be late.”

It was enough of a dismissal that Bucky gave his mother a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared into the night, walking aimlessly towards The Underworld. The walk towards The Underworld allowed Bucky space and time to think about how much of an absolute idiot he’d been. Not just tonight but ten years ago. He thought about how he should’ve gone to his parents immediately after speaking to yours instead of making decisions on his own. He should’ve told Sam and Natasha the truth instead of leaving them in the dark. He should’ve talked to you. But nineteen year old Bucky hadn’t thought of that. What he’d thought of was the fact that his family had lost Ivan Romanoff very recently in a dirty fight with Pierce’s family. He’d thought about the fact that he was going to be the next boss one day and that his decisions would be law at that point so there was no use second guessing himself. He’d thought he was protecting you. By leaving you alone. By giving your parents no reason to not trust you, to allow them to send you to California by yourself. He’d thought he was protecting his own heart by leaving you, because if he broke your heart before you broke his with the betrayal he thought you might be involved in, then it would all be okay in the end.

Twenty-nine year old Bucky didn’t have much of a leg to stand on. He had no reason to be an asshole to you after discovering that you’d been hidden away from your parents plans your whole life. After he’d found out that you had done nothing to lose his trust and it was his fault that your relationship had fallen apart. He’d been a dick who couldn’t even apologize correctly because a) he’d pissed you off with every word he’d spoken recently, and b) he’d done nothing that would prove to you that he was truly sorry. And that? That’s what put him in the VIP section of The Underworld, nursing one of Clint’s Painkillers as his insides rumbled their discontent at his behavior, and listened to Nathasha lay into him.

The day after the impromptu meeting at his family’s headquarters, Bucky had agreed to meet with Natasha and Sam separately to talk to them about what had happened, and to apologize for lying by omission. That night Natasha had told him that he was a ‘fucking idiot who obviously doesn’t deserve jackshit in this world and if she ever fucking chooses you then you better grovel like hell.’ She was right. And they both knew it. And tonight was much of the same.

“Her stipulations were smart as fuck and well-grounded and you know it, Barnes. If you ever want to get in her good fucking graces then you need to stop opening your mouth obviously. Especially when every other word is not you, it’s this cocky man-child who doesn’t know when to shut his goddamn mouth!” Natasha’s face was almost as red as her hair as she hissed at Bucky who was now practically lolling on the secure section’s couch, his black leather jacket that he’d thrown off the second he walked through the curtain, hanging off the arm of the couch.

“I know they were smart, Romanoff. She’s always been smart. She’s a fucking lawyer. She’s the best goddamn person I have ever met in this world but every time I’m around her I turn into a fucking cave man. It’s like I can’t help but make her angry,” Bucky groaned as he finished his drink and gestured at Natasha to get him another one. She stared at him before he opened one eye and pouted, hoping the puppy dog look would get her to fetch him more booze. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the drink from his hand, grumbling the entire way to the bar and back.

“Thank you, Nat,” Bucky whispered as she sat the drink a little harshly onto the table in front of him, part of the drink sloshing over the sides. Her face softened just a bit at the softness of Bucky’s voice before she was correcting it and looking down at him once more.

“You need to slow down there, Barnes. You know what Barton’s Painkillers do to Steve, don’t think that you’re immune to the effects of large amounts of alcohol just because you’ve realized you’re a dumbass.”

Her bluntness made Bucky almost choke on his drink. His moment coughing on the drink brought a grin to Natasha’s lips as she sat down next to him. As he continued chugging, she studied him before Bucky spoke again.

“I don’t know what to do, Nat. I’ve been a fucking idiot. She’s been thrown into this world that she probably never wanted to be a part of. She can’t trust her parents, her old friends deserted her,” a throat clearing from Nat and a sharp pointed look made Bucky reword his statement, “because I made them, and her only true friend that isn’t mixed up in all of this lives across the country. She deserves the entire world to be laid at her feet. She deserves more than to be a glorified trophy wife. And she deserves more than to be stuck with me.”

A beat of silence. Another. And another. Until a sharp giggle cut through the tension, a sound Bucky hadn’t heard in at least a decade. His head whipped up to look at Natasha, to find her face red yet again, but this time it wasn’t because she was angry.

“Oh. My. God. You. Are. Fucked.” Natasha giggled as she threw her head back. “You’re so fucking fucked. Because you, my big idiot of a friend, are still in love with her. I don’t think you’ll be able to convince me that you ever stopped loving her.” Natasha’s giggles had turned into flat out laughter now as she held her stomach and continued laughing. But all Bucky could do was groan louder and finish his drink.

Because Natasha Romanoff. Was 100% correct. And they both knew it. But before Bucky had the chance to really sit on that realization, he could hear a specific voice loud and clear from across the club. Megan.

Natasha looked at him, wide eyed and waiting for him to do something he’d regret, and for once in his life he made a smart decision. Bucky tipped his head to his friend, whispered a ‘thank you, Nat. For everything,’ and snuck out the back entrance of the club to walk as quickly as he could back to his penthouse in hopes of avoiding Megan.

Natasha was right. Clint’s Painkillers were known as the strongest drinks on the island, why Bucky thought he could down them like they were water was a mystery as he practically stumbled through his apartment door. He would’ve walked straight to his bedroom if he wasn’t tripped up by a ball of white fluff scampering to the doorway. Bucky looked down to see Alpine chirping at his feet, extending her front paws to press against Bucky’s lower leg. Bucky bent down to pick up the small cat and cuddle her close.

“Alp, what did I say about running to the door when it opens? You gotta be careful, someone’s gonna trip and fall one day,” he cooed as Alpine merely mewed lightly and nuzzled into his arms. He remembered the day he brought Alpine home four years ago. Just a little kitten, covered in dirt after being found in the alleyway behind The Underworld by Thor. Eventually, Bucky had grabbed her and brought her home with him. He’d wanted a pet for a while. But the little white kitten had reminded him of the dream you’d told him about long ago. A dream of a family, a white kitten, a yard for children to play in. Everything you’d wanted that Bucky could never give you. Bucky shook himself out of his drunken memories and looked down at Alpine, who in turn was gazing back at him.

“We’re gonna have a new friend moving in here tomorrow, so there will be a lot of feet to step on your tail, or for you to trip. So I’ll have to put you up for most of the day, is that okay?” Alpine chirped in response so Bucky nodded and continued, “Our new guest is very nice, Alpine. She’s so beautiful. And smart. Hell she’s the reason I brought you home in the first place,” he huffed out a laugh as he put Alpine down and began walking to his bedroom before settling on his bed, still in his clothes, before adding, “just be careful not to mess up her stuff or trip her and I’m sure she’ll like you…and vice versa. Believe me, it’s ridiculously hard to hate her,” Bucky’s voice faded as he fell into the mattress and passed out. Clint Barton’s Painkillers were, in fact, too much.

So much so that he almost missed his alarm the next morning. Almost. Because Alpine was there swatting his nose making sure she was fed her breakfast. Bucky’s head was pounding and he was not looking forward to all the noise that would be engulfing his apartment soon enough. He’d chugged water and Tylenol just after eating breakfast and made sure that the opposite side of his home was guest ready before putting Alpine up for the day.

Chaos. Utter chaos. That’s what moving another person’s belongings into an already lived in apartment was like. It felt like everyone had shown up to help, Tony, Pepper, Steve, Sam, Nat, George and Winnie. When Nat had walked through the door she’d given Bucky a sharp look before tossing him a pouch of Liquid IV to get through the day. He silently thanked her with a nod as everyone began bringing things up. You and Bucky ignored each other. It was fairly simple to do when you’ve practically got an entire basketball team worth of people helping. Bucky noticed Natasha hovering around you slightly, offering to help more directly than Steve or Sam, who were hanging back a bit. Bucky swore his heart was growing wings when you allowed Nat to help with a small grin on your lips. It wasn’t much. Everyone knew that. But Natasha’s responding smile was enough to make Bucky happy that maybe one good thing could come out of this arrangement. Maybe you’d be able to reconnect with your old friends.

As the move finished and people left, things grew more tense between the two of you as it became increasingly difficult to not be around each other. When it was finally just the Barnes family and you left, much to Tony Stark’s annoyance, Bucky could feel the tension settling around his apartment like a fog. His father looked like he wanted to say something but Bucky held his hand out asking him to wait. Without waiting for a response, Bucky went to the room Alpine had been left in and opened the door, giving the cat the ability to move as she pleased, before returning to his family. You looked at him questioningly, one eyebrow raised, but Bucky just turned towards his father and gestured for him to continue.

“Now that you’re moved in, there are just a couple things we need to talk about regarding this marriage. The first thing is, it will be taking place in a month from now.”

You and Bucky both inhaled quickly, looking at each other briefly before turning your attention back to George who had been studying your reactions before continuing.

“Y/N, I am going to try my best to get your friend here in time for the wedding so long as it is safe for her. You told me she and her husband have young twins and I would not want to endanger their family.”

You nodded in response to George before quietly speaking, “Thank you, Mr. Barnes.”

George nodded but Bucky noted the solemn look on his face, “don’t thank my quite yet, sweet girl. There’s still one more thing we need to talk about. Call it…my stipulation. I know for a fact that you and my son both have talked about what you expect from this marriage and how you will ensure that, but I need to make my singular demand known.”

You both sat there, silently waiting for George to address the only condition he had for the marriage. Bucky watched his father’s gaze land on Winnifred, then you, and finally he felt his father’s gaze land on him. George took a breath before speaking again.

“I need you two to make this as public and as real as possible. That means you need to seem like you like each other. I’m not going to tell you the level of intimacy you should engage in in public, that is not my place, but is imperative that Y/N’s parents and the Pierce’s believe that you two are irrevocably in love with each other. And not like Y/N is only doing this for her safety and the protection that we can offer. You need to convince them.” He paused as Bucky’s breath got stuck in his throat. Bucky felt frozen to his seat and he was sure you felt the same way, he had to stare hard to make sure that you were still breathing. George waited another moment, making sure the two of you understood just how serious he was before finishing.

“I know this will be hard after everything that has come to light recently, but you need to act like you’re the sixteen and seventeen year olds that fell in love, once upon a time, all over again.”

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#mafia!bucky #mafia!bucky x reader #mafia!bucky x yn #mafia au #everything the light touches fic #BuckySimp101 #bucky barnes is a dummy #james bucky barnes #Bucky barnes #bucky barnes x yn #bucky barnes x reader

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communistkenobi · 1 year

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this is maybe silly to tell you about but i'm very envious of how smart you seem and the level of grasp you have on theory that feels incredibly scary to me. i was in uni for sociology, and save for one text that i understood from start to finish, the rest of it always felt like it was deleting my brain cells slowly and made me feel stupid, even as smn who had grown up being a "literature" person. i think it's just a matter of getting started, but it all feels embarrassing >>

what I’m about to say is going to sound very masturbatory and self-aggrandising, but that can’t really helped on account of the fact that the topic is what a smart little boy I am

one, thank you! I’m always very flattered when people give me this compliment. I don’t think it’s silly at all. two, I’m pursuing a PhD in the social sciences with the intent to stay in the academy after I get my doctorate, and my particular field of study skews towards critical theory. on average only 1% of people in canada have a PhD, and a fraction of that percentile have my particular academic trajectory - all of which to say, I am an outlier amongst a peer group of outliers, so I’m an extremely bad measuring stick to use when judging your own critical capabilities. I’ve been in post-secondary school for roughly 7 years now and will be in it for at least four more, and for the past 4ish of those years my main source of employment has been teaching and research, so I am both paying for and being paid to read theory and teach it to undergraduate students in small classroom settings. By the standards of academia I’m very junior, but I have a lot of specialised training in talking and reading, which is to say, it’s taken me a very long time to be where I am now. My academic career depends on my ability to produce original thoughts and write them down in a way that both speaks to existing scholarship while contributing new things to said scholarship, so I’m in an environment that enforces a very particular kind of discipline that is not remotely common or normal. Being a graduate student isn’t a rich profession by any means, but you are paid to learn information and write it down - something I would not be able to do if I was working a full time job.

I also frequently don’t understand the shit I’m reading! It’s extremely difficult to read academic texts because they’re meant to be read in classroom settings where you’re forced to voice your confusion, speak with other people about what you’re reading, defend your positions, connect it to other work, synthesise it in essay format, and so on. My live-blogging of books I’m reading is an attempt to simulate that, because I tend to learn best when writing out why I have the opinions I hold. Being confused isn’t a sign of stupidity but rather a simple fact that you’re brushing up against concepts and theories that take people their whole careers to develop and publish.

My own background in academia is also very eclectic, so I know a little bit about many topics, but there are very little topics can I speak authoritatively on - I can’t speak about the state of knowledge on, say, international relations, or critical race legal scholarship, or employment disability policy, but I know vaguely of those things. I’m not even a well-read marxist lol

All of which is to say - I am a horrible metric to compare yourself to. I am one of the few sickos who genuinely wants to remain in the academy for the rest of my life because I sincerely believe in the pursuit and production of knowledge, and my chance to do so is largely dependant on my ability to explain myself to other people. Put another way, I have spent my entire adult life training to be a marginally popular communist tumblrina on a website primarily known for producing supernatural actor porn. So either way don’t feel bad about it

#asks

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femmefatalevibe · 10 months

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Hi Femme! I always refer to your blog as the award winning blog because of how good your advice is. You’re changing lives! I hope you’re doing great this week!!

I have a question about how to feel young and youthful? Unfortunately due to trauma of my past and adultifcation (I began taking care of my mom at 17 due to medical reasons she has)- I feel old.

I’m nearly 26 and I can’t connect to people my age because I had to grow up fast and I’m mentally so much older and mature than most people my age. Because of this I get so sad and frustrated.

I try everything to try and connect with people my age but they either don’t want to hang out with me because of my responsibilities (I still take care of her and sometimes I am not available to hang out). And those old friends would mock me for taking care of my mom or throw it in my face that I have too much I’m dealing with. They have little to no responsibilities so I’m left by myself. I noticed a pattern.

So now I just FEEL old.

I don’t know what I can do to get genuine friendships for my situation (maybe having older friends— mid late twenties etc). Or maybe it’s the spaces I’m in? I want to travel and be around more like minded ambitious people for my field of work (journalism/events).

I also want to feel young, like my age. Idk what I would have to do activity wise or etc. I’m at a lost and so depressed.

I go to work and I’m the oldest cause it’s summer jobs and I’m surrounded by 15- 20 year olds and I chat and I’m nice but I can’t connect like that and they don’t with me.

I always knew something was different about me because of my trauma and what it’s done.

Thank you a bunch! :)

Hi love! Oh my gosh, this comment made my day. Thank you so much for these kind and supportive words! So glad to hear you find my content/advice to be highly valuable <3 Hope that you're having a great week as well!

As a fellow parentified child/teen in the same age bracket, I empathize with you regarding how to feel young, youthful, and feeling our age. For context, most of my friends tell me they think of me as their mid-30s-something friend (lol), so I know the feeling of being jaded and overly deliberate with your time, energy, and actions. If these people are in their mid-20s, it honestly says more about them than you that they're judging or resorting to mocking the fact you take your responsibilities seriously. So many people our age have full-time jobs, households to run (single, in a relationship, even married with kids), and all of the logistics that come with being an adult – albeit being in the "young person" category. These people sound immature for their age, honestly.

I would say the best ways I've found to feel a bit younger and more youthful include:

Taking time to let loose and enjoy the moment

Dancing around in your room without a care in the world

Engaging in some child-like activities you enjoy such as drawing, painting, or pottery

Having a fun and dynamic dating life

Going out for fun dinners, drinks, lunch, or coffee dates

Taking a workout or dance class

Strolling around the streets with fun music and an iced coffee

Going to a dog park or playing with friends/families' animals, etc.

Consider how much of an advantage we have when choosing to indulge in these activities: We have the wisdom to deliberately and more strategically enjoy these pleasures rather than partake in these activities from an ignorant headspace, which can lead to more negative or potentially dangerous situations. Understanding that engaging in this carefree headspace at certain times is essential for your mental health reframed my perspective and was a game-changer in my happiness levels, honestly. I hope this insight invites a similar positive change for you as well.

Reconnect with your childhood dreams and aspirations. Consider how you can explore them now that you have the emotional maturity and legal freedoms of adulthood. It's never too late to make even the smallest steps to actualizing these dreams. For example, getting a stuffed animal that reminds you of the pet you always wanted growing up. It can be a healing, self-nourishing experience even if it sounds a bit silly on the surface.

For finding friends you connect with, I would say the late 20s/early 30s tends to be the sweet spot, too. Some ways I think are beneficial to connect with like-minded people in this mid-20s-early 30s age group with similar goals are to:

Go to meetups, events, panels, exhibits, etc. pertaining to your current/desired field and interests

Join clubs and take classes/workshops in your areas of interest. Go to the same workout studios/art workshops/coffee shops/bars, nail salons, etc. you love regularly. Seeing familiar faces often will invite you both to eventually strike up a conversation – you already know you have something in common

Network both in IRL through events/people you meet and even on LinkedIn to see if you can invite people for informational interviews/informal coffee chats (either in person or over a video call). It's a win-win situation because you both get to expand your networks and sometimes, you just click!

If you haven't read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson and Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa yet, I HIGHLY recommend them!

Hope this helps xx

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fluffyhare · 4 months

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⚠️MINORS DNI⚠️ I make intimate and romantic content that is not intended for children. If you don't have your age in your bio or pinned, I will not respond to your messages, post asks you send me on public, or follow you back... and it is very likely that I will just block you. Just because I don't make sexual/graphic/explicit content does not mean my content is child-friendly.

Hi! I'm Casper. I draw romantic tickle art featuring my sona and my OC, Dr. Avery Nimbus, the cloud man. Sometimes I draw my friends' OCs. Sometimes I write stuff, too.

My comic series starts here. There are currently six parts. Updated 2/14/2024

My fic series starts here. There are currently nine parts. Updated 5/17/2024

💙 Rules for using my characters here! 💙

tags:

#fluffyart - my art, including my comics

#fluffychatter - my text posts

#fluffylore - anything i write about my characters

#two of hearts - verbal teasing posts I write when I'm in ler mood...

#rb - reblogs

#i know nothing about this fanbase - i know so little about so many fanbases that i actually have a tag for this now, how embarrassing lmao

#notfluffytickles - block this tag if you don't want to see my vent posts or occasionally sad art. I am a real person behind this screen, sometimes I am sad, and I deal with that by making art. I sensor myself so much in real life, I'd prefer not to do that here. Thanks for understanding.

I'm a very long-winded person, but I'm going to try and keep the info under this cut regarding how I use this website navigable and concise (for the few people who will probably read it).

Who can interact: Adults! SFW and NSFW blogs can interact.

Who cannot interact: Minors! I don't make sexual content because I am not personally interested in it, but my content is NOT child-friendly. It is frequently romantic and intimate. Sometimes, it is very suggestive. It is definitely not made for minors, and I regularly block any minors (and bigots) who interact with me, especially if it's a follow or reblog.

Asks: Generally, I like getting asks. I answer most of them. I will not answer asks sent from minors. I will not answer public asks/submissions sent from blogs with no age listed. I will sometimes draw my answers to asks if I have time and I feel like it.

Requests: I do not draw fanart unless it is of one of my friends' OCs. I do not draw familial tickling scenes or scenes with minors. If you have a scene in mind for Casper and Avery and you suggest it to me, I might draw it if I have time... no promises.

DMs: If you're an adult, yes! I love making friends! I am happily married though, so please don't come at me with that kind of intent, lmao. I am also really bad at remembering to respond... I have a full-time job and social life. Please don't take it personally.

Commissions: I do not take commissions and I have no plans to, I'm sorry.

Drawing/Writing my characters: NOTHING makes my heart soar like fanart and fics of my characters. I love it so SO much!! I do have a handful of boundaries for using them, which you can find at the link above (they are pretty basic). As long as you respect that, you can use Casper and Avery in anything! Just tag me so I can see it! 💙

What I will post/reblog: romantic tickles, platonic/friendly tickles, kissing, cuddling, very fluffy MLM stuff. There will be light bondage/restraints, like hands being pinned down, and sometimes intimate/suggestive/adult themes. There will be swearing. There will sometimes be shirtless men.

What I will not post/reblog: genital nudity, real-life tickling, and any kind of content involving these things: sex acts, minors, and/or familial tickling. I also do not make fanart unless it is of someone's OC (I will reblog it though, whether I'm familiar with the fanbase or not lol).

*The only exception to this is if I draw my own characters as kids. If I do, it will be for lore purposes only and will never include tickling.*

Blogs I like to follow: Other tickling art/fic blogs run by adults, sfw or a mix of sfw and nsfw. If it's mostly nsfw I probably won't follow, not because I hate it or those artists, it's just not what I'm interested in seeing.

My personal etiquette: I read and abide by every bio and DNI of every blog I follow. If you are a sfw blog that doesn't want nsfw blogs to even see your content, I won't reblog your content here. If you don't want 25+ adults to interact, even if you are an adult, I won't. If you don't want men to interact, I won't, because while I am not a cis man, I am a trans demiboy, and I am married to a cis bi man. My relationship is very MLM, that is what I want to create and it is how I see myself, so I assume you mean me, too.

The bottom line: I try very very hard to respect the wishes of everyone I interact with, and I expect my boundaries to be respected, too. If I interacted with you in a way you didn't like, please message me and I will apologize and fix it. Or, if you're more comfortable, just block me; no hard feelings.

Other places I can be found: Twitter and Tiktok (fluffyhare_art if these links don't work)! Very active on Twitter. I post my animations on TikTok!

Final thoughts: Reminder, this is a sideblog, so if I follow you it will be from my main. I'm not going to say what it is here, but my icon has a picture of Avery!

If you read all this, well you're just a peach aren't you? 💙 Thanks!

#fhdhhdjfhdhsh #fluffychatter

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thestorytoad · 5 months

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Male Cowboy/Outlaw OC x Female OC Roleplay (18+ only and literate/novella) [PAUSED]

Whats up! I am currently in search of a literate/novella style Roleplay partner interested in historical cowboy/outlaw plot, whereas my cowboy man plays against your lady. I am up to multiple types of tropes, character arcs, and styles and will summarize below :)

Literate/Novella Style is appreciated. I am a writer by heart and even as my hobby, I tend to go full throttle. Depth, inner dialogue, description, I love love love it all. My bread and butter baby!

EST time zone! I would prefer you not be far from it as I do have a work life and other responsibilities that veer into hours that may not be the best is you aren’t in a similar time zone

Regular responses. I am an adult with a job so i more than understand handling hobbies and life at once. But a semi regular and predictable routine would be nice.

I love realness and character development. Depth and analysis and Headcanons, all of it. I like to have them go on a journey, that is natural and also fun but without veering into cartoon-y stereotypes or Mary Sue territory. But if you love a good character arc and development, I’m here for it.

Dark themes. I don’t stray into graphic portrayal or gore, but I do include dark backstories, trauma, and some violence. Triggers/Avoidables will most def be discussed but if that’s not your thing as a whole, may not be a match

NSFW. I don’t require it or specifically seek it out but an open to the prospect if it happens in the story. Obvs we can discuss as/when it comes up what we both are comfortable with

All characters must be 18+. Simple enough lol

ldeas:

Outlaw finding shelter working as a ranch hand on the run and starts to develop a relationship with the daughter/sister of the rancher

Gang starts to harass town/cause trouble when my character and yours meet. Could be the daughter of the sheriff, regular town person, or more steamy plots as a sex worker

Rival gang members (classic)

Ranchers find injured man (my outlaw) and decide to assist, unknowing he’s a member of the gang nearby

Open to more! These are what I can think of here and now but am always up to hearing ideas and delving more into one!

#roleplay finder #roleplay #oc x oc rp #rp finder #roleplay partner #cowboy #cowboy rp #billy the kid #Billy the kid rp

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boxingcleverrr · 6 months

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one thing I've tried to do the last few years is REALLY pick apart WHY certain, mainly harmless fun things don't jive with me, or even downright annoy me. Like, just shutting my mouth and not being a hater is good, no reason to yuck other people's yum and all.

But often times when you actually dig in and figure out the root of shit, it tends to annoy you a bit less. And in my case with many things they just become background static I ignore, as opposed to a glaring annoyance that stabs my brain every time I encounter it.

Lately both the Abbies on my dash reminded me how oh, so many harmless things that annoy me can be boiled down to infantilization.

Like, "No Talk Me I Angy" was super cute the first time I saw it, like yeah! A grumpy lil kitten the size of a pea would say it like that, how correct!

Then a few months later I saw it on a sticker on someone's travel mug, marking it as a thing that resonated with their personality, and internally I eye-rolled so hard I saw the back of my skull. Which is my same reaction to "choccy milk" and adults unironically saying "my tummy hurts D:" and yeah, SQUIDGE.

These are harmless fun things people enjoy and say. And I am an adult woman whose desk is covered in pre-FIM My Little Ponies.

But I was also infantilized a LOT growing up. I was bright for my age (now I know, also undiagnosed), buuuuut my intelligence and fact-retaining were kinda seen as a party trick, esp as I was the only person my age at family gatherings (big age gap between my nearest youngest and oldest siblings). My ideas and solutions were rarely taken seriously, and oh boy that lasted in my family uh, until I came back to Vermont as a 30 year old woman, lol.

My mother STILL has times of catching herself going "that can't be ri-..." before remembering hi, it's me, AND I'm almost 40 now. I'm not always right, but I usually am. Cause I got that brain that drives her crazy cause it remembers EVERYTHING.

My first serious conversation about boundaries with a coworker was with a woman in her 60s who baby-talked at EVERYONE (customers loved her, go figure). And while 90% of my coworkers were annoyed by it too, they just shrugged it off. But it seriously affected my mood, and ability to work really, as her desk was right next to mine.

So one day during lunch when she said something along the lines of "Awwww you're still a kid! You have lots of time to worry about ---!"

And I politely but firmly said, "I know you mean it kindly, but when you say things like 'I'm a kid' and so on, it kind of gives the impression that you don't see me as a peer, or mature enough for this job." And it was fine, she apologized, and shared HER point of view which was basically, she WISHES she were still a kid, cause she associated that time of her life with being carefree, and oh man.

Lots of annoyances in life can also be traced to a touch of envy: I envy people that find solace in not just childhood things (again, see: ponies and barbies all over my desk rn), but a childhood mindset. That going there is a way a lot of us are processing a world that is so, so impossibly tiring and expensive and yeah good god it'd feel nice to get tucked in and read Laura Ingalls before sleeps.

Buuuuut a childhood mindset for me was full of anxiety, lol. It was not being taken seriously, and wishing for challenges, or a portal to open up and swallow me and take me to my home planet where I'm a scholar-princess. So yeah naw, no thanks, there was lots of great fun stuff in my childhood, I had a loving home and all, but the anxiety and 'tism have been there too, making me the weird kid who knew stuff.

So yeah anyway. Knowing it and typing it out really DOES make me have less of an asshole reaction in the day to day. I might have a little envy for choccy milk people, but I do prefer being the 10 Obnoxious Facts About Chocolate You Didn't Ask For person.

#blathering #taking my brain out of my skull and turning it over in my hands like a geologist

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b-a-pigeon · 6 months

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I am so in awe of how fast/how much you're able to write, do you just have a pretty good writing routine, or do you write full time? Ofc you could do both of those at the same time but since I just started a new full-time job I've been having a hard time figuring out a new writing routine and I was curious. <3

Oh, thank you! I'm not a full-time writer at the moment (I wish!), but I'm fortunate enough that my current freelance workload takes up about 25-30 hours per week, so I do have plenty of time to focus on personal projects. This is definitely a privilege, as I am currently making basically no money on said personal projects, lol.

But I did spend the entirety of my adult life pre-Covid either full-time employed or part-time employed while enrolled full-time in school, so I'm very familiar with having to squeeze in that writing time while also being super busy! I feel like the only thing that worked for me in that regard is setting very specific (but realistic) goals and taking it very seriously as a routine—like, definitely doing it every single day at around the same time and aiming for the same minimum word count.

I also try to do everything I can to set myself up to write without having to stop and think too much or switch tasks, which helps for both writing a lot very quickly & getting work done at the end of a long day. That means creating super detailed chapter-by-chapter outlines in advance so I always know what's going to happen next, leaving comments or notes to myself in brackets where I know I'm going to have to come back and do more research/rewrite/etc, resisting the urge to go back and self-edit at least until I've met my word count goal, etc.

All of this has been said by many people before & also definitely will not work for everyone! But it's honestly what has worked for me and what has allowed me to write a lot even back when I was working 8-9 hours a day outside the house!

#artsietango #ty for the ask!!

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prisonhannibal · 2 years

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please don’t reblog

I’m so emotional I’m literally crying because I found a card my child mental health system therapist wrote me when I moved to the adult services because I wanted to see if it had her email because she told me I could contact her to meet for coffee when I’m better. it didn’t have her email but I am crying because I really think she would be proud of me, she was like a parent figure to me lol. I want to tell her that I have a full time job and plans and that I haven’t been depressed in over two years and I have a lot of self confidence now and that I’m happy. idk if it would be inappropriate but I’m considering calling the office to ask if there’s any way they could ask her to contact me. I just want to tell her dhgjjfnfn and I wanted to wait until I know it’s real so I gave it 3 years and now I know I’m just really happy in my life even when I’m not hypomanic

also she gave me a little glass bird with a big red heart inside when I quit because she said it’s like me because I have a big heart and intense empathy and i let other people see my love and emotions ❤️😭 i’m so attached to it. this woman came with me to see other therapists and let me continue to see her monthly for a bit after I started with my new therapist just to make sure it all turned out well like……she did way more than she had to for me

#txt

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loumands · 9 months

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long overly personal age crisis/general mental crisis rant under the cut

I'm turning 26 this saturday and i'm terrified and depressed. I hate sounding like some anti-aging tiktokker but i hate that i'm constantly getting older and can't control it while nothing else in my life seems to change. I know i'm very young but it still feels like i'm running out of time. Most of my peers are ahead of me, they have jobs and relationships and generally full lives. My 2 years younger stepbrother has a successful career, house, wife and child. I still don't even feel like a full adult. Sometimes i feel i've really frozen in time maybe because of trauma and am still just a kid deep down.

My situation is weird because i did have experience with sexual relationships at very early age but i don't consider them real relationships anymore since they were abuse, and then in my adult age i haven't had any relationships. I haven't even kissed anyone as an adult. I'm like a virgin who isn't a real virgin. I want to be in a relationship and experience love and sex but at the same time it feels distant and impossible.

I just graduated (two years late, studying something that doesn't interest me) but i haven't worked other than summer jobs and i'm wondering how am i ever gonna get a proper job. And i don't even know do i want to do work that is related to my field of study since i hate it. I could go studying something else but it's again going to take so much time. I also feel like i'm wasting my potential and i should use my talents for something that actually helps people but i don't know what that would be.

I've made peace with knowing i'm probably never going to be able to transition for various reasons but it still causes me sadness, and again the feeling of running out of time when i'm getting older and missing more and more of years i could've lived openly as myself and i'm always living with this 'what if' thought. Also this sounds incredibly silly in context of everything else but i'm stressing about how my fertility is starting to go lower every year from now on lol. I've deeply wanted to be a parent as long as i can remember but i've wanted to wait until my financial and mental health situation will be better before having children. But what if they will never be? Also i don't necessarily need a nuclear family or anything but i'd like to have a partner i can trust and my child to have other parent too. But what if there will never be a person like that?

My life situation is technically fairly good or at least better than it has been for 15 years but i feel my mental state has gotten almost worse. I've been trying lots of new things and i finally have some friends but i still feel so lonely and hollow. I always have this crushing feeling of loneliness and being an outsider who doesn't matter. I think even on tumblr i have so embarrasingly strong emotional reaction when something even mildly negative happens because i'm so insecure and seek external validation. Like when someone unfollows me i know there's necessarily nothing personal with it but i still feel genuine sadness i'm internally like that you're not rockin wit me i'm going to kill myself meme lmao. And i'm always trying to be as kind as i can towards everyone both irl and online but i still feel worthless and annoying. It's like there's a void inside me that nothing can fulfill or maybe i'm the void myself.

Idek what i'm trying to say or what could help me i just needed try to put my feelings in words i guess

#sa mention #.txt

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wanderingmoonmen · 8 months

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hiiii my kennderland goddess so ive been catching on to ur series of kennderland sooo much im so hooked to it ITS SO GOOD GODLY DELICIOUS KAWAII DELIGHTFUL GOODNESS i love it so much and like its the reason why im into crackship SO like im not rushing u or anything im just worried if theres anything wrong around u cuz u havent updated since july and i kinda worried ..... if u answer this THANKS SO MUCH for answering and i hope ure always doing well in everything !!!!1!1

Oughhh this is such a sweet ask 😭😭😭 There hasn't been anything "wrong" necessarily - I've been struggling to get through this part of the planned story as I am... way more comfortable writing angst/hurt/comfort/more plot nonsense rather than fluff. I love drawing fluffy stuff! Struggle to write 😅

Between that and just general ~adult life~ fun times (job has been stupid, but now I've committed to finding a new one so that's given a lot of relief, after a couple other med changes for the Mental Illness I'm finally finally feeling better) I haven't been able to progress

However! I do have.......... a lot of other stuff written (both for james/Leon and me falling down the rabbit hole of wesker/Birkin and intertwining everyone between SH and RE) that hopefully once I get through this slump I'll have a little bit of backlog (tbh getting this ask has kinda motivated me to wanting to try and work on this :) )

I also literally have an entire sketchbook full of drawings and have been drawing Entire Group Nonsense that I can hopefully post? I won't promise because it's annoying to scan stuff lol so maybe I'll take some pictures if that's something you'd want to see too (I do have some stuff on here already that went to the drawings on ao3)

It also has passed the one year of drowning into this nonsense where I accidentally drug myself and @fly-rye into this. Seeing these awful unpracticed drawings is so funny and scary 🤣 with me drawing Leon with SUPER emo hair

I'll also in lude some doodles for the last chapters uploaded for PE

Also James' big beautiful body in unrelated stupid shirts

(I've done this on mobile so hopefully the formatting isn't horrendous 😅)

#resident evil #silent hill #silent hill 2 #leon s kennedy x james sunderland #my art #for ao3 #<- tag for stuff uploaded #kennderland #kenderland #also ive been writing a mental essay in my head explaining the way SH works in the interpretation of these two universes colliding #which also idk if anyone is actually interested in #but tldr; mold bc if RE can hand wave the mold nonsense into what it is so can i #but better #ok didnt mean to drag that lmao #i think way too much about logisitics (how did james survive why are there physical manifestations why could harry tell james went to sh)#(which turns into “how do these other morons live too”?)#idk if this is the entire essay of an explanation you want but hey i could go on for hours about this shit bc i love my blorbos

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panda-noosh · 10 months

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my battle with creative joy

hi everyone!

so here i am actually making a blog post. not a fic (sorry...) but an actual, real life blog post where i will just ramble and probably make no sense. i hope you guys don’t mind. i would also like to think you’re used to it by now.

i’ve had a lot on my mind recently when it comes to my creative process, and my creative life in general. from the age i could pick up a pen, i have used writing as an escape, and it has always been a fun thing for me to do (obviously). i remember spending the entire night working on a fic, or having pieces that were over 200k long because i just got in these moments where i couldn’t stop myself from saying more, writing more, creating more. it was an addiction. a good one, but an addiction nonetheless.

the thing that has been playing on my mind, however, is how sad i am that i’ve lost that side of myself.

there are many reasons for this that i cannot beat myself up over; work, life, being an adult. i now have a fiance, and a dog, and a house i have to take care of, because it is my own. i now have a full time job in health care, where the hours are endless and the stress is endless, and it really leaves no room whatsoever to process anything but what you have just seen, or endured, or had to deal with. these are all things out of my control, because as hard as it is to come to terms with it, life is more than just. . . doing what you want.

trust me, i cried over this too. many times.

i get asks on the daily about whether i’m still active, or if i plan on writing anymore (insert fandom here) fics, and i always, always say yes, because i think speaking it into existence will potentially benefit me in the long run. saying no just feels like i’m giving in, and i don’t want to do that, because i would genuinely love to revive this blog, run it the way i used to, interact with you guys in the way i used to. but it’s difficult. it’s impossible some days, because life doesn’t accommodate. it just. . . throws you tasks that you have to deal with whilst keeping yourself sane at the same time.

creative joy is something i’ve been trying to find again for a while now, and it definitely is a work in progress. i still love writing - i know that. but in the same breath, i’m at that age now where i want to make writing my full time job, and that means the dynamic between myself and my creative joy has changed drastically. i no longer sit at my computer with a burst of inspiration and ideas flooding to my head. i sit at my computer now because i have a future in mind that i need to reach. that means word count goals, and schedules, and self doubt. that means getting frustrated with my own capabilities. that means writing for thirty minutes before getting worn down - such a change from the teenager who could sit at her laptop all night without even batting an eye.

it’s sad to think about sometimes, and sometimes i do beat myself up over it. that’s why i’m trying to find that joy again. i’m not being difficult on myself any more - if i want to ditch a project and write something else, that’s what i’ll do. if i want to flesh out a character that has no story to fit into, i’ll do that. if work has exhausted me, i’m going to go to bed without stressing about how behind i’ll be on this imaginary deadline for a novel i’ve set in my head. i’m going to chill out.

i’ve actually really started focusing on self care in this way for a few months now, and it has left me feeling very enlightened, i won’t lie. you don’t realise how harsh you are to yourself until you actually start putting the measures in place to be kind to your mind and body. just putting yourself first, really, and knowing that you should always be your own first priority - for your sake, and everybody else’s.

i don’t know. i just had a lot on my mind in regards to this topic, and i wanted to share it somewhere. i’ll probably do more of these, even if nobody cares to read them lol. they’re just therapeutic to me, so if you’ve read this far, thank you. i’d love to hear your thoughts on this whole thing, and maybe we can help each other out. make a little self-improvement, self-care thing here at case de aticus.

love you all!

#writeblr #self care #self development #blog #blog post #random thoughts

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tonysopranosfeverdreams · 3 months

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can u talk more about your time in americorps? if you feel like it. i'm interested in doing it but idk if i can but i want to know what it's like

yes!! i have done americorps twice at different times in my life and they were very different experiences that were what i needed at each time

i did americorps nccc at first when i was 22 and it was probably the most life-defining experience of my life. i got to live with a small group of people and travel around the country for a year and work with different organizations which is really cool for a young person for a few different reasons, for me being:

-exposure to different types of work and organizations that are doing genuinely good work within their community. When I was in the program, we did everything from working hands-on in national and international gardens and parks, construction-type work cleaning and boarding vacant houses, working as summer school teachers and camp counselors for people with disabilities, and there are more im forgetting im sure but it really shows you the opportunities out there and pushes you out of your comfort zone to the point that you realize you are capable of much more than what you may have thought

-free food/housing, which makes it super ideal for a young person with no money and gives you the unique opportunity to actually travel and build career skills for free

-this is dependent on chance, to an extent, but i had a team i loved. we were all very very different personalities and backgrounds but very open people and we built a very strong bond which i think helped all of us learn to grow up by cooking for each other, navigating very tight living situations, having fun together, working together as a team all the time, and that's something i see a lot of people still struggling to navigate even as much older adults. but on top of those skill sets you learn, it's just fucking FUN. you get to go on tons of road trips with your best friends and meet tons of new people have cook outs, go camping, have movie nights, play hide and seek in old houses. its just really really really fun if you get paired with people who are open and caring and you learn a lot from them

There are downsides. The training for NCCC is kind of grueling. It's arguably a cult. But I easily survived on that small living stipend with the housing and food coming free and if you can take the physical training and strict rules and see them as like a way of trying new things and learning new ways to live, its actually pretty fun. I learned I actually like playing most sports and am pretty athletic. Everyone breaks all of the rules (alcohol, especially) and at least at my campus, it was very very very easy to get in trouble. I got in a lot of trouble during my stint tbh we were bad kids lol but i dont even regret that because it was fun and i learned from it and the people i was around knew me well enough to fight for me to stay in. just try not to get caught because they do kick people out at the drop of the dime, and if i had been on any other team than the highest-achieving, most close-knit one, i'm pretty sure i would have been kicked out in a heartbeat. i know multiple kids who got arrested or had other like very intense situations happen during that time, so like, it is as challenging as it is fun. please be more cautious than me if you do it.

I did AmeriCorps Vista when I was 27, after several intermediate years of working at a non-profit theatre and it was a completely different experience, but also really beneficial for me, personally. But I did get lucky again, here, in finding a career path I was interested in and people who were invested enough to put me on track for a job and trust me with some key opportunities. I'd say this is something that this option for me felt comfortable because at this point i was a full adult with expectations for autonomy and independence so it was a nice opportunity to get my foot in the door in field I cared about (for me, I had realized during my first stint that I was really passionate about making sure kids had a safe space to go during summers and afterschool, so I chose to work with an org that did that). If you do good work in VISTA, and if you commit to the work and try new things, I think it's pretty common to make a career out of it. I got the opportunity, as a VISTA, to write a grant proposal for NASA (literally on a WHIM, to give me a first stab at learning how to write grants and grow my skillset), and I got it, which basically sealed a permanent position in the org for me. From there, I was able to get additional promotions, so it was like. an extremely efficient launching point to get into a career i was interested in for me. And I think this happens for a lot of people.

Financially, VISTA Is much more difficult. I saved up some money before I started, and blew threw a lot of it just paying rent. It is possible, but i know first-hand it is very very difficult when you dont have any additional financial support, so I'd recommend trying to save up a little bit before starting or finding a living situation with roommates/where youre paying very little in rent. i do think its unethical and i know they have recently raised pay rates, since i finished my term, but i doubt it's enough to live quite comfortably without saving in advance.

In summary, NCCC is great and I'd recommend it to virtually any kid who loves to travel and wants to try new things.

VISTA is a great way to get experience in a field you think youre interested in and if you do it its very important you take risks to make yourself stand make your resume as impressive as possible

#if you have any specific questions about anything feel free to message me any time #ive been through almost all of the epic highs and lows of americorps service at this point lmao

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