#but !!!!!!!! this is a big part of her character and my portrayal
Note
Some of this might sound intentionally hostile in text and I apologize.
I'm saying this as an abuse survivor mind you - don't throw "abusive ships" under the bus so easily - at least, so long as they're not actually glamorizing the abuse. I lived that irl and I personally find someone overcoming it, slowly having enough of that bullshit and getting out over time, and the other person having to wipe their own butt for once after they've made the damn mess, very refreshing. Maybe that's not a ship in the traditional sense. It's no happily ever after bc it shouldn't be, but I find stories like mine shyed away from so often because even the portrayal gets considered a "canon ship". ... that's just how media works now, I guess? I very rarely See a fictional relationship not called a ship in literally any context now so that's the definition I'm running on.
I wish more people were willing to portray the hardships of finding acceptance outside of "whoever you can find will accept you" very much, and finding the better things after. I wish people weren't terrified out of portrayimg situations like mine.
Jessie.. is not a good person in canon. You expect me to believe she moved into to hanamusa seamlessly, without falling on her ass? I never see you talk about Jessie's abusive tendencies in canon. You never talk about the inherent meanness she needed to get over to get there. She's quite aml lot like my ex in canon, actually.
What do you mean you're going to just remove from the character that she is abusive to those around her. Jessie hits people. She takes her own junk out on others all the time. Do you even like the character then, are you actually invested in her growing, or are you just making an OC at this point?
Idk. Do you, boo. But you are posting about a character who, whether you like it or not, is canonically abusive. I just don't buy that dating Ash's mom alone fixed her. That isn't... How that works. It would be excellent if it did. Part of my love of hanamusa is that it signals Jessie's change - but she could have changed for anyone before now.
What makes Delia different? How is she specifically a turning point for Jessie? Because Jessie's flaws go well beyond just bossing people around.
I would love if my abuser had the same outcome as your Jessie. I adore your portayals of hanamusa, where she's still flawed but still strives to do better. That's all I ever wanted from my ex.
What the fuck got her there tho.
Anyways I've been watching a lot of Bojack Horseman lately -
I agree with you! I don't think abusive relationships (or any tough subject matter in general) should be shied away from in media. It can be powerful when executed well and written by folks who are equipped to tell those kinds of stories. I do think it's sad when people treat it as off limits. But the ask I got was definitely more about which ships I have where I actually like the relationship between the characters. I think the semantics of the word "ship" are kind of vague or rather, over time, got so specific to only mean "absolutely love together and want them as endgame" (for most people anyways). So that's usually what I take the word to mean when people ask me about it.
I can 100% appreciate how an abusive relationship is written and handled, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna ship an abuser with their victim (that falls into the glorifying you're talking about). Love Bojack Horseman! Big fan! I think the way they handled Bojack and Sarah Lynn was beautifully and tragically well written. But does that mean I ship Bojack and Sarah Lynn? Absolutely fucking not.
I've talked about Jessie's character plenty on this blog and the way she's handled in earlier seasons specifically. This is kind of a summary: If we look at it on surface level, yes we can say she was abusive. But I think it's important to acknowledge and take into account the medium, time period and culture. Slapstick and cartoon violence was HUGE in anime and animation in the 90s (and prior to that too). Characters were always cartoonishly slapping each other around with giant mallets, folding fans, etc. Looney Tunes style. These slapstick bits were always distinct from real abuse and hurt (for Pokémon, Jessiebelle comes to mind). Mean slapstick wasn't a character trait exclusive to Jessie either. We saw it in Misty, James, Meowth, characters of the day and pretty much any character who got mad. It was a visual shortcut to show anger.
This type of slapstick has since (thankfully) died out and it hasn't really been a part of the Pokémon franchise since the early 2000s. However, Jessie was a notably special case. One of my favorite fun facts about the Pokémon anime is that there was a point in the series where Megumi Hayashibara (Jessie/Musashi's seiyuu) told the writers that moving forward, she no longer wanted Jessie to be violent or to be shown hitting James or Meowth (source: her memoir "The Characters Taught Me Everything"). She thought it directly went against the vision Takeshi Shudo had for Jessie, James and Meowth, when he created them, which was that they are good natured villains. If you watch from DP and on, Jessie never lays a hand on either of them. I think it was a such a good move on Pokémon's part to change her character like that and I'm forever grateful that Hayashibara said something! Whenever I write Jessie now, I always keep that in mind. She's mean, shouty and stupid but would never genuinely hurt those she cares about.
From then, her character becomes much more bearable. She's still bossy, mean and vain (typical cartoon villainess attributes) but I'd hesitate to say abusive. She'll still yell at James and Meowth, they all yell at each other, but in more of a sibling way (imo) rather than a "i'm actively trying to hurt your feelings way". The show makes a point especially in later seasons to show that Jessie, James and Meowth are not beyond being redeemed. From conception the whole POINT of the Team Rocket trio was that they are redeemable but their persistence and obsession keeps getting in the way of them seeing that there's a better life for them out there.
I won't deny that Jessie was unsavory in earlier seasons, but when I write her, I choose to write the version that Takeshi Shudo and Megumi Hayashibara had envisioned from the get go. She's still incredibly flawed and makes plenty missteps but wants to be better as you stated! My favorite part about Jessie is that she's a piece of shit LOL and I enjoy writing the changes she goes through to be better (but then still showing her default so some of her evil tendencies). In this AU, Delia doesn't fix Jessie. Jessie fixes Jessie because she is with someone makes her want to be a better person. She's already in the middle of turning over a new leaf before even meeting Delia, after leaving Team Rocket. Writing Jessie as legitimately abusive I think could work, but that's not my story to tell and if someone who were more equipped to tell that story did, I'd be very interested to take a listen!
I hope this doesn't come off as trying to deny or invalidate your experience. If you see that in Jessie, I hear you! This is just how I've interpreted her character over the years, having watched every episode of Pokémon and reading Japanese interviews from the cast and crew. She's such a compelling character and I love how messy she is
479 notes
·
View notes
Text
RW Headcanon: "Pebbsie Privilege"
Here’s a headcanon I’ve had in the works for a while, and now I finally want to share it! It's shorter than some of my others, but I hope you'll still find it amusing!
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
So firstly (and I plan to expand on this more later) I headcanon Five Pebbles is someone who cares a lot about his appearance, though not in a prissy or snooty sense and more in a “likes being the smartest and most sophisticated one in the room” sense. That means, more so than the average person, he generally doesn’t like being teased, ignored, belittled, condescended to, or otherwise disrespected, and very understandably so if you ask me! But it also means there exists a very special ability when it comes to interacting with Five Pebbles that almost no characters have.
It’s no more than the ability of someone to refer to Five Pebbles as “Pebbsie” while he’s in earshot without getting death-glares from him. Looks to the Moon, who first started using it, affectionately calls this ability “Pebbsie privilege”, and she ends up being one of the only characters who has it (besides Innocence, who in my portrayals eventually gets it too). Though even so, Pebbles originally got rather flustered when she called him that alone, much less in front of others, considering it's definitely a very cutesy nickname. In fact, poor Pebbles really didn’t like being called “Pebbsie” because one of his least favorite ways of being treated is like a child (which includes being thought of as "cute" in any way). This unfortunately happens to him a lot though since he’s part of the newest iterator generation and tends to have lots of uncommon ideas rarely taken seriously by the older models, and this treatment only amplified as he grew more stubborn and arrogant.
To elaborate on the origin, Moon developed the nickname pretty much on an impulse — quite a rare thing for her to act on actually — of wanting to hearken more to her role as “Big Sis Moon” and show love to her little brother. Soon after she started using it though Pebbles would pull her into private chats and urge her to drop it to save his dignity. Not wanting to hurt her brother in any way, it didn’t take long before she apologized and stopped using it, and basically got her "Pebbsie privilege" revoked. In the current time she secretly still likes calling him that in her mind, but knowing how much he dislikes it she always feels pretty guilty afterwards, despite them being no more than thoughts at that point. While not a major issue in-and-of itself, this situation was actually a small step in worsening a long-time fear Moon has, though that’s a headcanon for another day…
On a (marginally) more positive note however, after Moon’s collapse and the worsening of Five Pebbles’s rot, along with him generally reminiscing about the things he used to have (as part of yet more character headcanons I’ll elaborate on some other time), he actually began to grow fond of the nickname more and more. Yet he also couldn’t also shake the growing heartache the memories brang, as he came to see it as a reminder of his sister’s never-ending love for him and the better times he now regretted taking for granted and trying so hard to escape. While I headcanon he handles it differently in Downpour’s canon, in the worm-off-the-string AU story I’ve got so far, Moon slowly regaining her “Pebbsie privilege” and Pebbles appreciating it and no longer taking it so seriously (though he still forbids its usage in public) could serve as a small, yet sweet indicator of character growth for both of them.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Aaaand another RW headcanon done! I wanna mention, though, now that I’ve got more of an idea for the aforementioned AU I really want to start posting more of my headcanons for the Local Group, since the character interactions, histories, and ultimate character growth is perhaps one of the most important elements of that story so far. I’ve spent at least a couple weeks creating almost 40 pages worth of character notes, and while this particular one started out as just a little side-headcanon, I ended up tying it into all of that. Hopefully I can start sharing the main parts of these headcanons soon!
#art#artwork#sketch#drawing#digital#digital art#fanart#rain world#headcanons#rw headcanons#iterator#rw iterator#five pebbles#FP#rw fp#looks to the moon#LttM#rw lttm#quetzalli draws#quetzalli headcanons
288 notes
·
View notes
Text
i can't wait to tell you, "i told ya'." | jungkook x f!reader
summary: Jeon Jungkook is a successful realtor with a big house, a nice car, colorful dating life, and a spunky 7-year-old daughter to boot…he’s also your best friend who you used to be in love with. Of course, he was never made aware because you swear it’s all in the past…until it isn’t. But going on a cruise with Jungkook and his daughter whom you adore should be harmless. Absolutely nothing can go wrong…Right?
pairing: jeon jungkook x f!reader
genre: fluff, angst, crack, idiots [i say that with luv for my characters]
word count: 17.2k
tags/warnings: a child [Mai] is present throughout the entire story, implication of absent birth mother, serial dater JK, so much pining, pg language, conversation about sleeping around/risking pregnancy, legal-aged drinking & getting drunk, hurtful words/heated argument, isolation, blurb about reader struggling to eat, Mai experiences anxiety [I promise she is okay], plethora of cheesy occurrences, much fluff & angst all because sowoozoo-muster-JK wrecked me
series mlist
this is a repost from my old blog, moon-write.
Thank you to the realest one, @hyungieyoongi, for not only wanting to beta-read this insanity for me when I initially enlisted her for help, but also for hyping me up while doing it. Her editing gave this story clarity ;;
disclaimer: the portrayal of Jungkook in this story is purely fictional & does not reflect who he is in real life nor do I claim to believe it does. lastly, this story is not a part of my dad!bts series, a serendipitous life - singledad!jungkook is in its own universe.
a/n: GUYS. this story was purely created because I was under the influence of sowoozoo/muster JK back in 2021. I am so beyond excited to bring this back and share this cracked out fic again, I truly hope you all enjoy it and just have fun reading it.
“Mai, don’t be so dramatic,” you take the little girl’s hands into yours, dusting off the chalk from her palms, “look-see, it comes off!”
She beams up at you with a know-it-all smile before taking yellow chalk from the bucket and continuing her doodle on the concrete. You watch her as she makes a big circle, stopping to make sure it’s just right before looking at you once more.
“Can you make the lines?” She inquires with big eyes, you run your hand through her long hair and happily oblige; Mai stands and watches you, pressing her hand onto your shoulder; “daddy will like it!”
You chuckle, nodding, “your dad will love it.”
She kneels, taking blue chalk this time to draw clouds, a mixture of pastel colors in the shape of her handprint now adorning the sleeve of your shirt.
Adding butterflies to the chalk creation per Mai’s request, you hear the back gate open, and following is the sound of Mai’s jovial squeals. Quick to abandon the chalk, she runs into the doting arms of her father, Jungkook. Uncaring to her chalky hands, Jungkook sweeps Mai into a hug with no intention of letting go.
“Kiss,” he mutters to her as you walk over, dusting your hands off on your jeans. Mai presses her smaller palms onto his cheeks, squishing them in the process of giving him a quick peck.
“Oops,” she giggles, noticing the chalk she’s left on his cheeks.
“We made you a drawing,” Mai soon forgets, wiggling to move Jungkook forward. He smiles at you, following his daughter’s direction to the drawing. Mai, her eyes an exact mirror of her father’s, watches him as he takes it all in.
Jungkook marvels at his little girl’s work; “thank you, babe,” he says, kissing Mai’s cheek who nods with pride, bunny teeth sticking out. She looks over at you, singing your praises for bringing the bucket of chalk as a surprise.
“I told you I’d bring a surprise if you got A’s and B’s, right?” You smile, winking at Mai.
Jungkook thanks you before telling Mai to run inside and wash up for dinner. You follow him to the patio table and take a seat, noting the exhaustion of another long day falling over him. He runs his hand over his face, closing his eyes for a moment before remembering his best friend is still there.
You offer him a pitiful smile, drawing him to roll his eyes and laugh, “what?”
You shake your head, “nothing.”
He straightens his gaze but even then, a hint of his sweet smile remains noticeable, “it’s never nothing.”
“But it really is this time. Besides,” you laugh, “am I never not worried about you and Mai?”
He just nods.
“You’re doing a great job Jungkook,” you pat his tattooed arm, “you are the light of her life.”
Jungkook looks back at the chalk drawing Mai doodled on the concrete, giggling to himself. Caught in his stupor and the innocence of his daughter, he comes to, looking at you; “these last seven years would have gone a lot differently if we didn’t have you though.”
-Seven years ago-
“It’s okay,” you try to soothe a newborn Mai but her shrill cries drown out your voice. You burn a trail around the living room as you pace, stealing glances at Jungkook who’s sat at the edge of his sofa. With clumps of his hair gathered between fisted palms, he’s never looked so defeated.
“Let’s try feeding her again,” you stand in front of him, hand reaching for the bottle next to him. Too caught in the frantic cry of his baby, he doesn’t hear you.
“Jungkook,” your tone is stern and you nudge his foot with yours, “come on, you can’t give up now, get it together.” A moment of hurt sweeps over his eyes when he looks up at you, but keeping your feet on firm ground, you push away the guilt that rushes you.
You clear your throat, “her bottle Jungkook, please.”
He does as you say, his eyes wide as he looks at his daughter for the first time since you arrived. You press the rubber tip to Mai’s lips, allowing a drop of the warm formula to touch her lips, “I promise you’ll love it, Mai.” You try to joke though there is a hint of begging in your tone.
Her cry breaks for a moment as the milk drips onto her tongue; “there you go,” laughter coats the nervous tremble in your voice this time.
You allow a couple more drops to fall onto her tongue until Mai’s cries ease into small whimpers. Her breathing staggers as she takes to the bottle, “see?” You can’t help but giggle. Looking at Jungkook, his eyes brimming with tears of frustration, he watches in shock while Mai drinks from the bottle as small puffs of air escape her nose.
“Use the rag on my shoulder to wipe her face, will you?” You ask him and he does just so, dabbing at Mai’s red cheeks, ridding her of her tears.
“I tried everything the last hour to get her to stop,” he whispers. You can see the disappointment in his eyes though he continues to marvel at the innocence wrapped in your arms. You watch as your best friend takes Mai’s foot in his hand, thoughtfully squeezing her toes before he moves his hand back to her head, rubbing her barely-there hair as far back as he can.
“Here,” you gesture for Jungkook to take his daughter and he steps back in fright. You chuckle, “you have to get used to holding her Kook, I won’t be here all the time.”
“Why?” He looks at you with all sincerity.
You shake your head, “she’ll be safe with you.”
He places the rag over his shoulder this time and holds his arms out. Mai fusses during the exchange and Jungkook shushes her in a gentle prive as he holds her against his chest; “just hold the bottle upright - yeah,” you say as you help to adjust her in his arms.
He cradles his large hand behind her head while her tiny body rests along his arm. He stands straight as a pin, fear taking up most of his expression as he looks down on his feeding daughter.
“Is this the first time you’re holding her?” You ask.
He gives you a look that can only mean yes, “my mom has been staying with us, she left right before you came,” he shakes his head, embarrassed to admit, “I was too scared.”
A soft laugh escapes you, “well, how’s it feel now?”
“Still scary,” he says seriously, “but I never want to put her down again.”
You stand back, watching him take all of her in. A month ago your best friend had his life made - living a bachelor lifestyle his friends envied, had a stellar career as the most sought realtor, owner of a newly built home. He was a free man who could do whatever, whenever.
That was until one drunken decision in the past came back nine months later in the form of a newborn baby.
Swaying back and forth with a slight strain in his movement, Jungkook watches Mai’s drooping lids; “can I do this?” He asks in a dream-like state leaving you to wonder if he really wanted an answer. That is until he moves his eyes to look at you.
You shrug with a pitied smile, “you love her, right?”
He frowns for a second, nodding without hesitation.
“Then you can do it, Jungkook.”
“I’d offer for you to stay for dinner but you probably have another date with what’s-his-name,” Jungkook closes the sliding glass door behind you two, sweeping Mai into his arms. The three of you make your way into the kitchen where he sets his daughter on the counter, inspecting her hands to make sure she’s cleaned them properly.
He playfully sniffs them before kissing her palms.
“For the thousandth time, his name is Mark, and no actually,” you laugh watching the two tease each other back and forth, Jungkook’s attention split between the two of you, “I don’t think that’s happening anymore.”
He stands upright, covering Mai’s ears which only sends her into a fit to hear the adult talk, too grown for her age. She fights to move her dad’s hands but to no avail.
“Bad kisser? I knew it,” he shakes his head while moving Mai’s from side to side. Belly laughs erupt from her small body as she begs for her dad to stop.
“Shut up,” you laugh, rolling your eyes. He chuckles, removing his hands from Mai and kissing her forehead.
You sit at the end of the long dining table next to Mai, Jungkook at the head of the table as usual. He finishes reading Mai’s fortune before they look at you.
“Your turn!” Mai shouts, holding a single noodle between her trainer chopsticks.
The cookie crumbles between your fingers as you unroll the small strip of paper, clearing your throat; “an old love will come back to you.”
Jungkook dramatically ooh’s and Mai follows, her small lips shaped into a perfect circle. Victim to Mai’s purity you squeeze her nose, “who could that be?” You tease her.
“Not me,” she giggles, “maybe daddy, he’s old!”
You fall back into your chair, eyes brimming with tears as you hold onto your belly full of Chinese food, laughing at the expense of your best friend.
“Funny,” he tries not to laugh, stuffing the remains of his fortune cookie into his mouth.
Chirping crickets and a black sky surround Jungkook’s home. You listen to the sound echo up into the vaulted ceilings, looking out of the opened windows. Taken by the quiet that surrounds his place, you shut your eyes and bask in it until the sound of Jungkook’s feet shuffles down the hallway.
“I don’t know whose good side I am on,” he sighs with relief, grabbing his glass of wine on the way to the sofa, “but she falls asleep like that.” He snaps his fingers.
You smile, peeling your attention away from the window.
Now dressed in baggy clothes that swallow up his svelte build, Jungkook takes a generous sip from his glass before patting the space next to him, “so, what’s wrong with this guy?”
You stop on your way to the sofa, eyebrows raised with sarcasm, “let’s cut the attitude, yeah?”
He can’t help but laugh, moving his leg when you finally sit down, “joking,” he reassures you, “but I mean, this is the third guy you’ve rejected and I didn’t even get to meet him.”
You shrug, “like you really wanted to?” Quirking an eyebrow at him, Jungkook can’t seem to look at you, laughing into his wine glass; “who’s worse here? You’ve always had at least one thing to complain about every guy I’ve brought around.”
“The bean and I have a preliminary process when it comes to guys you date,” he shrugs, licking a stray drop of wine before it can drip onto his sweatpants.
“Yes because a seven year old has a lot to say about adults and dating,” you chuckle, pushing Jungkook’s shoulder, “anyway, you aren’t missing out on anything Kook - and besides, I don’t want to introduce people into your guys’ life until I’m sure about them this time.”
Jungkook’s playfulness dies off, the wine in his glass not as interesting as the sullen look forming on your face. He watches you, the way you bend forward, one side of your hair tucked behind your ear while you anxiously pick at your cuticles.
He nudges your knee with his so you can look at him, a reassuring smile awaiting you, “that last guy fooled us all, okay?”
You sigh as a way to say, ‘it’s forgotten…no big deal…whatever…’ but Jungkook knows it’s a stain you’ve struggled to rid of for a while; “he’s been out of my life for a long time and that’s all that matters,” you stiffen your upper lip.
“Mm, cheers to that,” he clicks his glass against your water bottle, “but seriously, can I ask you something?”
You brace yourself, nodding.
“Except for that trash bag, you always seem to find a flaw in every guy you date,” Jungkook stalls for a second, reading your temperament before continuing, “why?”
Your eyes crinkle, suddenly underneath a spotlight, “do I?”
Jungkook resorts to his scrunch-nosed laugh, “are you kidding?”
“Well, okay Mr. Dating-expert,” you cross one leg over the other taking on a new defense, “you don’t find enough flaws in the women lined up outside of your house every day - why?”
He nearly spat out his wine, setting the glass down with hands surrendered to the air, “false accusation, you know I don’t bring women back here because of Mai-”
“Okay okay, you’re right, I’m sorry,” you sit back.
He laughs, “but fair enough, I guess we both don’t have the best track record when it comes to dating.”
You stand up, pulling your bag over your shoulder, “I hate to agree since it concerns me too.”
Jungkook walks you to the front door, “I’m curious to find out who this ‘old love’ is,” you turn just as he wiggles his eyebrows at you.
You force a smile with squinted eyes, “do you know me at all, Jeon? I don’t believe in fortunes, remember?”
He gives you a quick hug, watching you walk the path to your car; “I can’t wait to prove you wrong,” he says from the door.
You wave him off, “yeah-yeah save the love spiel for another time, goodnight!”
On your drive home, absent in mind, you rake your fingers through your hair. The bright glow of the red traffic light casts over you when you come to a full stop. ‘An old love will come back to you.’ You snort at the thought; they are simply typed words on a piece of paper. It means nothing.
“You don’t believe in stupid fortunes,’” you sing into the void of your car.
But it still makes your stomach queasy. Heart palpitating in your chest while your palm becomes sweaty as you ring it around the steering wheel.
“Let’s not go back there…”
“Hello? What do you mean no big deal?” Nic’s voice is a clear call into the late night, earning herself a stern look from you. “Whisper please,” you hiss through your teeth, “Mai never sleeps well when Jungkook is away, it was hell getting her down tonight.”
Nic looks at you with wily eyes, spinning every which way you turn before she gets dizzy; “oh my god, stop for sec!”
In a huff to clean up Mai’s after-dinner doodle session - crayons strewn across the table and several drawings she made as gifts for her dad’s return from a work trip, you look at your friend with exasperation painted on your face, “it’s literally what I mean Nic.”
She blinks in rapid-fire, sitting down on the ottoman while you work around the dining room. “So I’m crazy, okay yeah. Because telling me that you’re in love with your best friend of a million years is totally normal.”
You shudder at how easily those words come out of Nic’s mouth while Jungkook’s daughter sleeps in your bed. Too young to understand anyway, you can’t help but want to protect Mai from this very sensitive information about her dad.
Nic rolls her eyes, “oh relax, she’s asleep now. I’m spiraling over here, okay?”
“Just, come on,” you hit the side of your leg with the cleaning rag, desperate to get your point across, “discretion, please? This is not information I want to be tossed around.”
“How long have you felt this way?” She watches you in your haste, cleaning every speck left on the table in an attempt to avoid the conversation. You’re steeped in regret for even mentioning it to Nic. It was a confession locked in the depths of Pandora's box.
It just came out.
“I don’t know,” you groan, disappearing into the kitchen before returning with washed hands and deadpan eyes.
Nic twists around the ottoman to face you when you come around, plopping yourself on the sofa.
“That’s a lie,” she states the obvious.
The popcorn texture of your ceiling suddenly becomes interesting when you toss your head back. I need to get my ceilings smoothed. You think to yourself while Nic waits. She won’t back down.
“I remember the exact moment I fell in love with him,” you sigh, tossing your hands up only to bring them back down on the cushions. You sit upright and look at Nic, “but it’s futile to even detail that because it’s never going to happen.”
“Do you want it to? I mean really want it to? Because he has a kid…”
Eyebrows knit together, you both have to laugh at that.
“I mean, you know, getting with Jungkook means taking on a child - although worthy to mention, a kid who absolutely adores you-”
“Please, don’t make me hurt more,” you press the pads of your fingers over your shut eyes, “I can’t even fathom how much it would confuse her - and I won’t entertain this past today. I can’t.”
“You’ve obviously been holding onto this for a long time-”
“And it ends today. Jungkook is my best friend, I vowed to be here for him and Mai as his friend, that’s it.”
“Okay, and when he finds a suitable woman and falls in love with her, then what?”
You can’t help the sadness that overwhelms your entire chest, eyes piercing through Nic, “ouch.”
“I’m sorry,” she takes on a new look of pity, leaning forward, “but that’s the reality, isn’t it? If you aren’t willing to-”
“Willing to what Nic? Confess to Jungkook and ruin our friendship? Ruin my relationship with Mai?” You retort, smiling because this is just too ridiculous to even consider.
“How can you assume he doesn’t feel the same?” Nic rebuttals.
You shake your head, “it’s not happening.”
That was 2 years ago. A night you remember all too clearly but push away along with the feelings steaming inside of you - chewed up and swallowed only to return from time to time like a bad case of acid reflux.
You scoff at the fortune bouncing around in your head, “not happening.”
“What are we shopping for exactly?” Nic comes up next to you, raking through the neutral-toned tops with not much of a care about what she is seeing.
“Um,” you pick out two tank tops and hold them up against you waiting for her approval, “that cruise I’m going on next month - didn’t we talk about it?”
“Oh yeah, wait-who are you going with and why was I not invited?” She queries, noting the way you move swiftly toward the dressing rooms.
You chuckle, “I didn’t plan this trip, I was invited,” you shut the door to the changing room before Nic can follow you in. She leans against it, quirking an eyebrow, “cheeky,” she laughs, “who invited you?”
She listens to you mull over your choices, hearing your feet shuffle on the carpeted floor; “uh, Jungkook did.”
You are immediately met with silence, peeking at the bottom of the mirror where Nic’s feet reflect as she turns to face the door. “Come again? You failed to mention this romantic getaway would be with your best friend-”
Opening the door, Nic nearly falls in when you catch her. You roll your eyes; “have you always been this dramatic?”
She shrugs, “one of us has to be-back to my question.”
“Not a romantic getaway, Mai is coming and-”
“Wh-like a family vacation-”
“Nic!” Your jaw sets and she shuts it quickly, “his parents are also going, okay?”
Your friend blinks in disbelief and you give her a look that wills away any sarcastic comment she has at the ready.
You have to hand it to her, she’s a witty one; “besides it’s kind of a company cruise for him, all the employees are allowed to bring guests, okay?”
“Noted,” she purses her lips.
The silence between purchasing your items and the walk to the car is thick with Nic’s wandering mind.
“Can you just answer one thing for me?” You’re already sighing before she can ask her question once at the car. Tossing your bags in the back before getting into the driver’s seat with Nic buckled up and raring to go; “have you worked through all of that - you know, your feelings?”
You nod, “for the most part.” Nic drops her forehead into her hands, kneading away at her temples and you have to laugh, “okay, yes I have, is that better Nicola?”
“If you weren’t such a bad liar, yeah it would be!” Nic tentatively shoves your shoulder, laughing with you, “how do you manage it because I sure as hell could not.”
You relax for a moment coming to a red light, “Mai is number one here, how she feels matters first-”
“That is very noble of you, but hello, you’re human and your feelings matter too,” Nic adds with pointed inflect, “and I can’t believe I’m saying this but Jungkook should know better, inviting you to family functions like the three of you are a family before he runs off with some random-”
“Nic,” you send a wavering look her way, “I don’t mind watching Mai when I have the time, I love her-she’s like-” you startle yourself, “I just love her, alright? I don’t mind it.”
Nic shakes her head when you turn away, your eyes set back on the road. An uneasy feeling settles inside of her, wondering how you’d managed to lie into believing all of that; “Look, you know I care about you. I know he does too I just think he’s a little blind and I’m just worried it’s hurting you-”
“I’m fine,” you practically sing.
“Okay, so you are now but it will hurt you eventually if you keep pretending like this,” Nic flattens her tone.
“I said I am fine,” you say with emphasis, “anyway, it’s Sunday which means dinner at their house-” you look at her knowing she has a smirk waiting for you. You both look at each other on instinct, eyes squinted at one another, “so I am inviting you to come with, okay?”
You both laugh; “yeah whatever, I’ll join your weird not-family-tradition for tonight.”
Sunday dinner with the Jeons proceeds as usual given the extra guest. Nic prides herself on where she can observe the oddities of your friendship with Jungkook and his daughter. Even she, sworn to never birth children herself, can’t help the fluttering of her ovaries as she watches the camaraderie built between you and Jungkook’s daughter. Mai teasingly stiffens her upper lip, shoving her face near yours while a goofy voice bellows out of her. You roll your eyes at her, laughing before attacking her sides with tickling fingers.
It’s a smile on Jungkook’s face that Nic hasn’t seen before. Spending many a night out with the two of you and friends, she’s used to the suave Jungkook she’s seen at clubs. The way he talks to women, motions for them, how he sticks his tongue out just enough for flirtatious emphasis when he’s curled up with one. His ego is seen clearly across the dance floor; Nic is sure her face is turning green at the very thought of it.
“Alright kiddo,” Jungkook stretches, “it’s late-”
“Dad,” Mai whines, clinging on to you. You hide your laugh, noting the way she tries to fight her sleepiness in front of him.
He shakes his head, “it’s a school night Mai- bathroom - brush your teeth, now.”
You can’t help but feel sorry for her, catching her pitiful stare that has so fittingly fallen on you, you chuckle, “come on, I’ll tuck you in afterward.”
With that little bit of incentive, Mai jumps off the couch, quick to slouch when she passes by her dad, meekly waving goodbye to Nic before she disappears down the hallway; “be right back,” you call to them, following Mai’s very sad trail into the darkness.
Nic sighs, eyes quick to find Jungkook, “so-” her smile flattens when he finally looks at her.
“So?” He adds, his eyes slit in wonder. Nic has always been the wild card with a fiery tongue.
She widens her grin, “I hear you and your family are going on a cruise.”
He just nods, smiling into his glass before taking a drink, “she’s coming too.”
“I mean that was implied-” Nic snorts, “that’s sweet.”
Jungkook chuckles, catching the sarcastic look in Nic’s eyes, “what are you on about?”
“Jeon Jungkook you are clue-”
“She was falling asleep while brushing her teeth,” you come out with a hushed laugh, “practically had to carry her into bed.”
Jungkook tears his eyes away from Nic, both friends staring at you before they force a laugh. You shrug it off, grabbing your things along with Nic’s who meets you at the door. Jungkook follows, his hands shoved inside of his pockets.
“Thanks for letting me tag along,” Nic exaggerates her tone, accepting Jungkook’s hug before getting into the car.
You turn back to him with eyebrows raised and he shrugs.
“Okay, well I’m going to be pretty busy with work the next few weeks, they want overtime - god-”
Jungkook laughs while you struggle to get your arm in the sleeve of your jacket; “the sleeve is twisted-here,’ he says, pulling it out and holding it straight for you.
“Thanks.”
“I guess we’ll see you at the ship then,” he says, playfully pushing you toward your car.
You gently kick his ankle, “night, Jeon.”
He smiles at you, bending forward to wave at Nic who offers him a short smile; “text me when you get home.”
As always, you wave to him without a second look.
“Did dad receive the confirmation for your parking spot,” Jungkook asks while swinging his keys around his pointer finger, leaving a house he just showed, “it has the information on where you’ll park your car at the port.”
“He did and what about you, will you be doing the same?” Mrs. Jeon then asks about you, “how will she get there?”
He can’t help but giggle, his ever-curious mother always wondering about you, worrying that a small task may be a little too inconvenient for you, “you should pick her up really.”
Jungkook settles into his car, a playful eye roll following his mother’s assumptions, “already taken care of mom.”
“Good,” a sigh of relief can be heard on his end, “how is she anyway, we haven’t seen her since Mai’s little school performance.”
“Slow down, yeah?” Jungkook chuckles, “she’s busy too but good, I think anyway. She came over Sunday for dinner-”
“As usual,” Mrs. Jeon snickers to herself, “why don’t you bring her over here for dinner once in a while? I would like to see her too.”
“You really want that?” He arches an eyebrow.
Mrs. Jeon clicks her tongue, “yah, my son, you say that as if she hasn’t been an important part of my grandchild’s life. Of course, we want to see her but you say she’s always busy.”
“Oh,” he pouts, thinking it over, “well we have a whole week to catch up so you can make up for lost time then.”
“Mhm,” he could hear the smirk on his mom’s face, “she deserves a break Jungkook-ah, you know?”
Jungkook nods as if his mom could see him, “of course she does.”
“Between her work and then watching the baby, you keep her busy.”
Jungkook frowns, “yah mom, this is why Mai acts like a baby sometimes, she’s not a baby anymore, she’s turning eight-”
Mrs. Jeon clicks her tongue in protest again, “she’ll always be my grand-baby, and you - you’re forever my baby…”
He can’t help but smile this time, “yeah, I know. Anyway, you make it sound like I employ her or something, she comes in on her free time- whenever she pleases.”
“Ok ok,” his mother’s gentle laugh he can remember so clearly from childhood eases out of her, “I just worry she’ll think otherwise.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t mom,” Jungkook sighs.
“Anyway, that’s what dad and I will be there for, yeah? To spend time with Mai and give you two some free time to do whatever-”
“And some family time with all of us, but I appreciate it, I’m sure we can squeeze in a childless night.”
Mrs. Jeon chuckles before ending the call, but not before one more reminder about inviting you over to dinner sometime soon.
Jungkook laughs to himself as he pulls into his driveway. Like clockwork, Mai’s school bus arrives at the corner. He steps out and waves to the bus driver when they drive off before Mai comes running down the sidewalk and into his arms.
“Hey, dad!” She wraps her arms around his neck, kissing the cheek he purposefully puffed out for her.
“You’re getting big, bean,” he groans, faking a backache after setting her down. He rests his hand atop her head, hanging her backpack for her before they trail into the kitchen.
“Your muscles aren’t so strong anymore then,” Mai quips, tossing a quick shoulder shrug her dad’s way when he turns back from the refrigerator to glare at her.
“Smart-alec,” he mutters, tossing a small tangerine at her. She dodges it and sticks her tongue out at him, screeching when he makes a run for her. With several feet of height on his daughter, Jungkook snatches her in no time, throwing her over his shoulder, tattooed fingers tickling her sides.
Jovial screams and giggles leap out of the little girl until he tosses her on the sofa, her dark hair a wild mess and cheeks red, “not fair dad, you’re still bigger,” she pouts suddenly. Jungkook leans over the couch, laughing while swiping Mai’s hair out of her face, pinching her cheek in the process, “what do you want to eat for dinner, kid? Ordering in tonight.”
Mai jumps up in excitement, shouting your name.
He laughs, pulling his phone out to peruse a menu to order from, “not tonight- I have a work dinner, so you’ll be-”
“Not a babysitter-dad!” Mai whines, stomping her feet toward him, “I don’t want a babysitter, they aren’t fun.”
He shrugs, taking her chin in his hand and squeezing it, “sorry babe, she’s busy tonight.”
“Fine, whatever,” Mai turns in one swift motion and disappears into the den, homework in hand.
Jungkook groans with a slight curl to his lip, “yah, whatever…” he says to himself, wondering when his 7-year-old became a teenager.
With aching feet and a dull throbbing in your head, you sit at the breakfast nook in silence, swallowed up in the pleasant darkness of your apartment.
“Is it time to retire yet?” You want to cry like a baby, be coddled like one, rocked to sleep.
Just then a ding from your phone pulls you from your minute misery; a text message.
[Mark]: Okay, I’m going to level with you, should I stop trying? This is the third time in the last two weeks you’ve canceled our date…
You purse your lips, re-reading Mark’s message while the conversation you had with Jungkook weeks ago looms in the back of your mind.
‘Always something wrong with every guy you date…’
You shake your head; that’s not true. Mark is a very sweet guy. He is kind of introverted in a big group but alone, he’s all about you. He treats you well and as much as Jungkook wants to tease you about it - Mark is not a bad kisser.
But…
You sigh as you tap away at the keyboard.
[You]: I’m sorry Mark…as you can see, I’m not great at being forthcoming…or communicating.
[Mark]: no, what??
Haha come on I’m an adult, I can handle rejection :’)
You smile, warmed by Mark’s playful attitude.
[You]: Is it worse if I say that you are a great friend? Because you really are.
[Mark]: Oo yeah, that hurts a little but you’re good, I’ll find some way to get over you..
[You]: Don’t make it worse >< seriously Mark, you’ve been good to me these last few months, it’s nothing personal.
[Mark]: you deserve it and I’m sure the guy knows it already
Your eyes widen.
[You]: Sorry.. what are you talking about?
[Mark]: Come on I’m not stupid either haha every time we were together and that kid called or her dad, you dropped everything to talk to them. Rubbing salt in my wound here, but didn’t you leave our date once to be with her?
Oh, that guy.
[You]: Right…He’s my best friend…and his daughter I mean yeah, I would do anything for her. So I can’t apologize for that, but this is even more proof that you are a great guy!
[Mark]: hahaha, ok I got it, I have to say this is the least demoralizing way any woman has rejected me before
[You]: You’re welcome? Haha. Good night (:
It couldn’t have gone any better, the guilt over Mark that settled in your stomach was now gone, but you couldn’t figure out why it didn’t make you feel better.
Mark is smart but he was wrong. Well…maybe answering Mai’s phone call that one night, while you and Mark were making out on his couch, was a bit excessive? You cringe at the thought…
Peeling yourself from those memories and the barstool proves easier when your incentive is to no longer question what everyone around you seems to have common knowledge of. Pouring water into a steel pot, you set it on the stove to boil for some ramen.
Not long after your meal is done your phone rings with the Jeons’ home number flashing across the screen; “Bean?” You answer, knowing it’s Mai since Jungkook only calls you from his cell phone.
You are greeted with an exasperated huff before she whispers harshly into the phone, “why didn’t you come watch me tonight?”
Choosing to eat straight from the pot because it was one of those days, you bring it into the living room, a grimace on your face, “my sincerest apologies kid. I told your dad I’d be busy with work since we’re all going on vacation soon.”
“Oh, well, I don’t like this babysitter, she treats me like a little kid,” you almost choke on your first bite of noodles, stifling a laugh at Mai’s dispense.
“Okay one - you are a kid and two - be nice, three - where is your dad?”
Mai scoffs with gusto into the phone, “work dinner,” she exasperates, “dad thinks I’m a dummy, I know he’s on a date.”
Your heart drops and with it goes your appetite, setting the half-eaten food down on your coffee table. You move the phone away for a moment, allowing yourself a second to let out a long breath before continuing, “how do you know that, you know your dad is a busy guy, he goes on plenty of work dinners.”
“Hm- again I’m smart, dad says he is going on company dinners when it’s actually with work people,” Mai’s tone is flippant, “but when it’s a date? He calls them ‘work dinners.’”
“Oh right,” you curse yourself for having this adult conversation with a child, “duh.”
Mai laughs, “dad has been going on a lot of work dinners-”
You clam your eyes shut, “y-you know what bean, I’m sorry but I’m exhausted- are you in any immediate danger that requires me to come over there?
“No,” Mai sighs with obvious disappointment, “I guess not.”
Even with the unsettling of your heart, Mai always manages to melt you to your core, “you sure?”
“Dad would be mad if I made you come here, I’m okay, I just miss you I guess,” her voice suddenly drops, and the little kid is back. The innocence you love so much about her pulls you in.
“I miss you too,” you say, “but hey- the cruise is coming up soon, okay? You’ll have your grandparents, your dad-”
“And you, duh,” she adds.
You shake your head, chuckling, “and me.”
After talking her through her irritation and simply missing the two people that are her entire world, Mai hangs up a little more satisfied.
You? You call it an early night, ignoring the dreaded feeling hanging from your heartstrings.
You aren’t sure how to feel once you wake up on the first day of vacation. Having lost sleep over the last week while bitterly packing for the cruise, you thought up several ways you could have canceled before getting to this day. Picking up your phone on several occasions to text Jungkook only to picture Mai’s disappointment. She likely would have shed a tear or two at your expense.
Finally the night before, you swallowed back your pride and zipped up your packed suitcase which was now sitting in the back of Jungkook’s trunk with the rest of their things. He and Mai sang along to a song while you tapped your hand against your leg, unable to keep the smile away from your face for long.
Mrs. Jeon greets you eagerly after smothering Mai in kisses, taking the three of you ahead as you enter the ship.
“Home for the next week,” Jungkook comes up from behind and puts his arm around you, pressing his palm into Mai’s hair and messing with it while she tries to fight him off. You move away from him and walk towards the elevators, “shall we settle in our rooms?”
Mai is the first to react, running toward you and grabbing your hand in the process before the rest follow.
Once in the rooms with Jungkook’s parents only a few doors down from your suite, Mai pops in and out of the door connecting your room to theirs, “we can have sleepovers every night!” She cheers.
You shake your head, laughing at her excitement while still taking it all in yourself. Jungkook comes in from your balcony, pressing two fingers against Mai’s forehead when she goes throttling toward him, “relax monster,” he chuckles, “and not every night, okay?”
“Okay, but at least when you go on work dinners,” Mai peers passed Jungkook’s hip at you making a face too devilish for a child, “I can sleep in her room?”
You’re glad the bed is there to catch you when you sit back. Jungkook gently pushes her head back, laughing, “we’ll see.”
You have to swallow back that all too familiar sickness, “come on Kook, it’s vacation.” Mai leaps forward with a toothy smile, “yeah dad, vacation!” She shouts, wrapping her arms around Jungkook’s legs.
You watch the two of them dance around your room, Mai standing on top of Jungkook’s feet while they tease each other; “duck feet,” Mai says, proceeding to quack at her father.
“Do you uh- you have to work while we’re here?” You ask Jungkook. He sticks his bottom lip out and shakes his head, “nope, just one brunch with a few colleagues but that’s it.”
You despise the relief that immediately washes over you.
Switching into vacation mode proves a lot easier than you anticipated, given the new information Mai shared with you during that one phone call. You hate to admit it to yourself, but seeing Jungkook stick around for the first couple of days provides relief for you that he is in fact, not going on any work dinners this trip.
Shut up shut up shut UP…
Your thoughts eat away at your brain while you sit poolside, taking a break from carrying Mai around on your shoulders like a mermaid - per her request. You were her throne and she, the mermaid princess of an undersea world, Jungkook the villainous merman out to seek her crown. After a victorious battle against said merman, you urge Mai to continue playing with her dad because being the throne is a weighty job.
Watching them is almost better.
Like a shooting star, a smile beams across your face, sitting back to hold yourself together, barking with laughter when Jungkook throws Mai into the air. A shriek of excitement falls out of her until she lands safely in a big splash.
Jungkook raptures you as you look over to find his head tossed back, perfect teeth showing as he laughs with every part of his being - eyes closed, the only visible part of his face is the utter joy he is feeling.
Your heart beats faster, cheeks grow hotter but not from the sun. Like the kind of gasp that escapes you during a jump scare in a horror movie, a memory locked so deep floods your head. You lower the brim of your hat to hide the immediate tears that flood your eyes, relieved to see Jungkook and Mai continue to chase each other around the pool, making waves while splashing one another.
It was a long day, Jungkook enlisted your help with a colicky baby Mai in need. You read up on as many articles as you could before heading over to their place, finding him in a panic though he was trying to repress it for the time being.
With much effort on both ends, Mai was finally asleep after hours of fussing. Jungkook, desperate for his daughter’s relief to the point of tears, you decided to leave them alone in his bedroom while you claimed a spot on the couch.
Waking up hours later, the sun is long gone. You head to his bedroom to say goodbye.
The door is still open and you find Jungkook lying on his side with his back to you, instead of sleeping like you initially assumed, he is humming. One hand rests under his head while the other moves in an up-and-down motion. You stand on your tiptoes and see Mai is still asleep, laid out on her back with her limbs sticking out, you cover your mouth to stifle a chuckle.
She looks angelic - long eyelashes tickling the tops of her chubby cheeks, you can even hear her heavy breathing beyond Jungkook’s soft hum.
“Is it possible to be this in love?” His voice captures your ears but it’s a welcomed sound. You can’t see his face but you’re sure he’s near to tears for the second time that day. Pushing off of the wall, you walk to the edge of the bed. Jungkook’s eyes dart to you, dropping his head, silently laughing at himself.
You pat his ankle, a chummy smile covering your face only to tease him, “I’m heading home, will you two be okay?”
He looks back at Mai before nodding, “thank you,” he sighs before moving out of bed but you try to stop him, assuring him that you can make it to the door in one piece.
“When do I ever let you walk out alone?” He whispers, kissing Mai’s cheek before carefully moving off the bed. He follows you to the front door. When you turn to wish him and Mai a full night’s rest, he swallows you in a hug. You stand stiff for a moment, unable to recall if this was something that had ever occurred before. You weren’t the bear-hugging type of friend.
Even more, you can feel your heart thrum against Jungkook’s and suddenly it becomes natural as you melt into his hold. You wrap your arms around his middle to which he pulls you closer and tighter.
Eyes closed, the feeling of being in his arms is overwhelming and cheesy as it all feels, you have to will the tears away as a rush of feelings come flooding over you. Every over-thought you’d wondered up to this moment is answered.
‘Am I falling for him? No…wait.
Do I love my best friend?’
“We love you,” Jungkook says close to your ear, shaking you from your thoughts, but with them are the crackings of your heart, “I don’t say that enough,” he adds. He finally releases you and you have to pull yourself together in a second.
“Jungkook, I told you I’d be here for you and Mai- no question.” You manage to say, clearing your throat.
Walking away from his house that night, you know for you, it’s all changed.
A shrill cry of your name jolts you awake, cold water splashing your midriff. Your eyes focus back and on Mai who is now sitting on Jungkook’s shoulders, “let’s race,” she says. Without hesitance you jump in after them, pulling a giggling Mai into the pool with you who begs for mercy.
After a warm shower, sleep proves victor over the book Mai begged hands and knees for you to read, but by the time you washed up and changed into fresh pajamas, Mai’s face was planted into Jungkook’s pillow, hair splayed across the white pillowcase.
Jungkook hears you chuckle from his place on the balcony. Turning to look over his shoulder just as you kiss Mai’s head, a gentle flutter in his chest mimics the rocking of the ship.
“She’s going to need an entire week to recuperate after this trip,” you come out and sit on the bench with him, drawing your legs up and holding them to your chest. Jungkook’s silence makes you curious, but when you look over, the look on his face tells you why.
Brows are set straight with his arms crossed in front of his chest, you can see every thought that's running through his mind. Instead of pegging him with a question, you tap his leg with your foot. He takes a sharp breath in, laughing at himself when he looks at you.
“I was just thinking,” he groans, moving forward to rest his face in his hands. Your heart crawls out of your chest in search of a way to soothe your best friend, yet all the same, you just want to hold him.
“I was just thinking…” he sighs with a shrug, “back when I was twenty-one, convinced I was this big hotshot with a realtor’s license and brand new BMW,” he laughs in shame, “ah- then all of a sudden there’s a helpless baby who I had no time to prepare for.”
You remember that time with him; recalling the day Jungkook called you to his then apartment, voice too shaken to explain why he needed you there as he returned a missed call from the local hospital. Of course, your mind assumed he was diagnosed with some kind of illness.
But with the call on speaker, you watched the color drain from his face as child protective services spoke to him on the other end. Words are thrown around like fireballs- ‘your name was put on the birth certificate by her birth mother Mr. Jeon…a DNA test has been ordered so we will need you to come down to the clinic to complete it. For now, the infant will be placed with our services upon release from the hospital.’
‘No,’ he was quick to respond, ‘no-don’t do that please, I’ll bring her home. Can-can I bring her home?’
“You didn’t need that test to prove what you already knew,” you add, watching the way your best friend runs his hands back and forth through his hair.
He took the test anyway and it was of course confirmed that Mai was his; “when you called me over, I couldn’t imagine what they would say and that was definitely the farthest thing from my mind.”
“Wouldn’t change it for the world now that I know I’m a capable dad but-” his confidence drops and you sit forward, bending your head until you can see his face.
“But what?” You ask.
“Any chance at falling in love is out the window-” you can hear the guilt in his voice when he says that. He sits back and you follow, keeping your eyes on him. He chuckles with a crooked grin, “what?”
“Why do you do that? It doesn’t hurt you?”
He sighs, looking back at the water, “it’s easier, isn’t it? Sleeping around rather than risking a broken heart?”
“Jungkook, Mai’s mother-she was foolish for leaving you and even more for leaving Mai-I mean let’s not forget she, herself never even told you about your child in the first place-”
“Yeah but I’m still an idiot for even going there with her, I knew all she wanted was something casual and I gave it to her just so I could feel something.” He shakes his head.
“But one really good thing came out of that, right?” You push, taking your fingers and nudging his chin to force a smile on his face.
He doesn’t argue, thinking of the little girl that is sound asleep inside.
A quiet hum settles inside of your chest drawing Jungkook to look at you. Your eyes set on the moonlight reflecting against the water; “I love your kid Jungkook.”
Just looking at your smile when you turn to face him, it’s a sight that nestles deep inside of his chest; “I already did before you even brought her home but I swear, my heart almost can’t take how much I love Mai.”
The gentle rock of the boat begins to lull you into sleep; chilly ocean air creates goosebumps over your skin as you fight your eyes rolling back, your breathing slows as a content hum comes out of you. Jungkook watches you for a moment, noticing the slight chatter in your teeth that pulls a giggle from him, “come here.”
Your heavy eyelids open to look at him, blinking inquisitively as he brings you closer to him. “I’m trying to warm you up,” he chuckles with another tug of your hand. He scoots down to rest his head along the sofa so you can lay your head comfortably on his shoulder; Jungkook’s body heat is all you need to fully accept his invitation.
“Just so you know,” he clears his throat, “because I know how my kid is,” Jungkook’s voice sounds like a subtle purr, “she loves you too.”
Caught in a haze of exhaustion and more emotion than your heart can handle, you nuzzle against Jungkook’s shoulder, willing yourself to fall asleep with those sentiments in mind.
On the cusp of a deep sleep, you swear you feel Jungkook press his lips to the top of your head as he carries you off into the room.
When you wake up in the morning, you’re immediately aware this is not your bed though it isn’t entirely unfamiliar. Your heart launches in your throat as you sit up on your elbows, eyes pressed shut.
Okay now!
They pop open, your initial concern to find Jungkook lying there settles when you see Mai at your side. Her long raven hair strung across her face.
A snore causes you to jump; awakened by his snore, Jungkook looks at you with one eye open, his body contorted to the size of the narrow cot meant for Mai. His feet dangling off the edge.
“You could have slept in my bed,” you snort.
He sits up, the sheet falling off to reveal his rippled chest and abs. You’ve seen his muscles several times, but the setting is far too intimate this time. You have to look away, pulling Mai’s hair off of her face. Jungkook stands and stretches, “it was nice falling asleep to you guys’ breathing- peaceful,” he says before disappearing into the bathroom.
The days go by too fast. Each one was filled with various activities tailored to Mai as she enjoyed the time with her grandparents. On several occasions, she couldn’t help but announce how happy she was to have her favorite people with her all at the same time.
Although, on the second to last night, you fail to ignore when Jungkook doesn’t return from that brunch as soon as he assured Mai he would, showing up early in the evening sans tie and a fresh mark on the side of his neck.
He comes lazily into your room after a shower, greeted by Mai with open arms, “where were you?” She asks, pressing her face into his side.
“I’m sorry.” His answer is short and hardly an answer. You turn away to hide your disappointment, closing the coloring book Mai was using and putting away her crayons; “your parents said you had unexpected business come up after brunch?” You ask.
He looks at you and nods.
Liar.
“But look bean,” he picks Mai up, conveniently placing her where she can’t point out the hickey, “you’re going to dinner alone with grandma and grandpa tonight, okay?” Mai throws her head back, “you’re abandoning me again?”
You can’t help but laugh, curiosity pushing away the heaviness in your chest, “wait, why?”
Jungkook looks at Mai, “cover your ears.”
“But-”
He curls an eyebrow at her and with a loud scoff, she does as he says.
“They want us to have a night out. We can go to the club downstairs - dancing and drinks?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you.
You shake your head, laughing while your resolve not to give in slips away, “I have a dress that deserves to be seen, might as well.”
While Jungkook spends the last few hours of daylight with Mai, you don’t waste any time and get ready. It isn’t often you can pamper yourself like this; hair laid sleek against your back, taking time on your makeup to ensure its lasting quality because you plan to dance away the troubles of your heart.
Just as you buckle the other strap to your heel, there’s a knock at the main door of your room. You peer into Jungkook and Mai’s room through the connecting door which has remained open the majority of the trip, remembering he left just a few minutes before to drop Mai off at his parents’ room.
You open it without much thought, stumbling back when you come face to face with your best friend. He catches you by the wrist, chuckling.
His hair is combed with an effortless side part, thick bangs swept on either side of his forehead. His patterned buttoned-down stands out though the short sleeves allow his tattoos to be on display. White slacks and a new pair of shoes adorn his lower half while a touch of gold jewelry ties it all together. Pushing your figurative tongue back into your mouth, you offer a simple compliment before stepping out.
Going unnoticed is the way Jungkook’s eyes slink over your figure, selfishly detailing in his memory how your dress fits you in all the right places.
“Hurry up slowpoke,” you call to him, already halfway down the hallway. He looks at you, wondering if you’ve caught him staring. You choose to turn away before he can see the smirk on your face.
Music booms around you while a colorful group of people aged from 21 to 90 fills the space for a final night of hoorah as you settle at the bar. Your feet are already aching after Jungkook pulled you straight onto the dance floor when you initially arrived. Having clubbed with him on many occasions, you aren’t surprised by his rhythm and ease in gyrating his hips to the music. Perhaps a little closer to you than you are used to, but you’ll allow a pass tonight. And really, are you complaining?
No. But you choose to ignore that voice in your head.
Jungkook is looking around until he finds your eyes. You blink, clearing your throat, “I have a confession.” He scoots in closer so he can hear you better, eyes dropping to meet yours. Stirring in his seat, you wonder if he’s fidgeting out of discomfort.
Liquid courage pushes you to continue, “I broke into my minibar and had a little pre-game before you came,” you admit. Jungkook drops his head and laughs at you again. His eyes squint beneath a beaming smile, you practically choke at how beautiful he looks, “y-you might have to carry me back to my room later.” Your tongue suddenly feels numb as you stumble over your words.
He nods, “you deserve to let loose,” his expression takes on more sincerity, “you do so much for me and Mai.”
If not for the mood lighting flashing in various colors, you swear Jungkook’s face is flushed. His blinks are slow and you wonder when he’ll stop looking at you like that-
“Here you are.” The bartender barrages in with your drinks. You jump slightly while Jungkook thanks the man, a straight line forming his lips.
After two shots and another finished drink, Jungkook is ready to dance into the wee hours of the morning. Head caught in a constant loop after those shots, you insist he goes on his own. Just then a woman’s voice appears close to your ear, causing you to jump back. Jungkook looks to where you are with some sort of a smile appearing on his face but you can hardly make it out through a hazy gaze.
He’s saying your name and you make every effort to concentrate, “this is my colleague, Rosie.”
Rosie smiles at you but you notice more the way her hands are wrapped around Jungkook’s bicep and then the way she moves her hand to smooth across his shoulders, tucking her fingers beneath his collar.
Rosie from brunch. You smile, “nice to meet you.” You can’t help when your eyes ghost over the mark on Jungkook’s neck once more, the one you’ve had to pretend wasn’t there the entire night.
“Likewise,” she hardly spares you a second look before her eyes are glued to Jungkook’s, “let’s go dance.”
Jungkook sets his attention on you when you stand, making it a point to plant your feet firmly on the ground, “go, I need to use the restroom.”
Rosie wastes no time and pulls Jungkook away.
You groan, staring at yourself in the mirror, eyes weighed down with one too many drinks though you’re still able to stand on your own. That deserves a pat on the back along with your determination to not allow this night to go sour as you make your way out to the dance floor once more.
But it all comes to a screeching halt when you spot Rosie and Jungkook, even more, the way his lips hover dangerously close over the skin of her neck, his hand smoothing over her waist. Their bodies are pressed together as they dance with not an inch of breathing space to spare between the two.
You can’t help the fire that rages through you though tears sting your eyes. Before he can see, given he even looks up for one minute, you make a desperate escape towards the exit.
Stupid..so stupid. Stupid on a monumental level. What did you think was going to happen-he’d magically fall in love with you on this trip? Yes…NO.
You sniffle as you rub the heels of your feet, skin red from the pain inflicted by your choice of footwear. Even after a long shower, scrubbing the black makeup off your eyes that melted onto the bags that are now present - you can’t shake the aching in your chest.
“Ugh,” you groan, tossing yourself back onto your bed. Hair still sopping wet from your shower and dressed in your comfiest pajamas, nothing could soothe you at this point. Mind still swimming in a drunken state, you wish you could just black out already.
Click.
The door to Jungkook and Mai’s room closes. You shoot up into a sitting position once more, immediately regretting that. Jungkook peers in through that middle door, chuckling at you and a little less drunk than you. He always held his liquor better than you did.
That fire flickers in you once more, so slight but it causes you to twitch. You can’t un-notice it, even when you look away for a moment while he moves over to you. His hair is a mess, shirt hastily buttoned, and the collar is tinted pink, not to mention the faded lipstick marks around his jaw. He steps any closer to you and you could name the brand of perfume she was wearing.
“Club closed like two hours ago,” your words are still a bit slurred. Jungkook just chuckles, “yeah, I’m beat.” You shake your head while he moves back in the direction of his room.
“Old habits die hard,” you mutter venomously.
Jungkook cocks his head, taken aback, “what?”
You straighten your shoulders when he looks at you, “are you really going to risk putting yourself in this same situation again? Just for a one-night stand? Have you forgotten how Mai came into the picture?” The deep frown on your face is hardly enough to hide how you swallow back the gasp following your accusation. The dagger you’ve pierced him with digs into his back while a crushing pain swallows him whole, you can see the crumbling beneath your best friend’s eyes.
His cheeks grow red when he turns back towards the door, “go to sleep,” he mumbles in a tone that has the ground shaking, tossing his room key to the side, “you’re drunk.”
You flinch when he slams the door shut.
The swaying of the boat doesn’t help the unsettling waves in your stomach and throbbing head. Even with the new presence of another person on the balcony, your head remains cradled in your hands.
“Here,” Jungkook says in a low tone but it still makes your head throb. He reaches out to you with a water bottle in hand, “and take these.”
You peer up, the torturous rays of the sun hurt your eyes. You shake your head. Jungkook smacks his tongue in disapproval, taking up the bottom space of the lounging chair you're sitting on. He opens the bottle for you and brings it up to your lips, “stubbornness won’t make you feel better, drink.”
“Oh god, please don’t say that word,” you retch, taking a sip. Another second later Jungkook pops the two aspirin into your mouth, assisting you with another swig of water.
The rushing waves settle around you but the awkward silence can be cut with the dagger Jungkook was still holding onto. He sighs, looking away from the wooden deck of the balcony.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so drunk before,” he says. The strained laughter that follows makes your chest grow hot along with the heaviness in his tone.
You feel his gaze fall over you and you finally look up at him, removing your sunglasses. He doesn’t tear his attention away from you, waiting to see if you’ll do anything, say anything.
“Do you remember-”
You’re nodding before he can finish his sentence, “I remember what I said.” You wish you didn’t, probably even more than Jungkook wishes he never heard it.
Jungkook sits there a little bit stunned, straightening his back and you can see the frown grow on his brow, “not that I owe you any explanation - I didn’t sleep with her, we just - I don’t know I just couldn’t-”
You question him with your eyes, “you’re right Jungkook, you don’t need to explain anything to me, we’re both adults.” You cut him off before it can hurt anymore, irritation lining your tone which Jungkook picks up on the latter. Somehow he still misses the longing behind your eyes.
“How about some leniency? I’m trying to be nice even though you insulted me last night-”
“You don’t have to be nice to me, I was out of line so let’s just drop it. I’m sorry for ever saying anything-”
“Will you let me care about you?” He snaps back. It catches you off guard, even when he’s been angry in the past, he’s never snapped at anybody. But the shock isn’t enough to stop you from feeling angry too.
“What are you talking-if this is you caring about me then please, spare me. I mean y-you came back to the room like nothing-” you groan out of frustration, swinging your legs over the lounge chair to stand up. The uneven weight nearly sends Jungkook to the ground but he manages to catch himself.
“Like nothing-what?” Jungkook follows you into your room.
“Nothing Jungkook, nothing happened, that’s what I mean. And you know what, nothing is ever going to happen,” you mutter, tossing clothes into your opened suitcase.
He grasps for the words falling from your mouth, managing to hear every last one, “what do you mean?”
You shake your head, “look let’s just give each other space, yeah? We only have today left so let me just do what you brought me here to do - let me do what I do best apparently.”
The riddled expression on his face only makes you grow more impatient for him to leave you alone; “that’s why I’m here right Jungkook - to take care of Mai while you rendezvous? I’m just a babysitter for Mai - that’s all I’ve ever been to you since she was born, right?”
His eyes grow cold while your words only chip away at him more and more, “you’re my best friend, I invited you to come because you’re like family-”
“Oh, just stop!” You twist pieces of your clothing between angry fists, “stop doing this to me-stop saying those things to me, stop cuddling with me like we’re-we-” you’re sputtering on the edge of stone-cold tears, “you just-you have no idea what you’re doing to me.”
“Then tell me,” he urges you, “for God’s sake talk to me instead of pushing me away-”
“Jungkook, I love you,” you cry desperately, your body sinking, “I-I love you, and I can’t do it anymore.” You collapse onto the edge of your bed, praying the tears will go away so you can get a coherent thought out, shaking your head.
“I can’t do this anymore, Jungkook.” You weep quietly.
All he can do is whisper your name to break the deafening silence.
“Just leave,” you look at him with red, tear-filled eyes, “please.”
“But we should talk-”
“I won’t do this anymore…I just can’t,” you can’t stop crying, “please leave.”
There isn’t anything more heart-breaking than when the door shuts behind your best friend, you are left alone to steep in the figurative mess left around you. A storm rages your mind while tear after tear continues to fall, even when you occupy yourself with stuffing everything into your suitcase. Some hours pass when you’re still in your room, suitcase packed. You can hear Mai enter their room, voice muffled behind the closed door she was so used to being open.
Follows is a stern call of her name from Jungkook just before the doorknob turns but abruptly stops along with your heart. You can hear her asking him why before you assume he pulls her away from the door.
You force your eyes shut, pressing your tear-stained face into your pillow and praying the last day on this god-awful ship will magically be over when you open your eyes again. Body exhausted from the emotional day, you feel yourself sink into darkness until all subconscious thought disappears.
It was a fight to get Mai to understand why you weren’t going home with them the next morning. You never lied to her. Not once in all of these years. Not until today when you told her it had to do with work, that was why. She slumped into her grandma’s hug before going over to the car per Jungkook’s request who was standing near you.
“Jungkook, I just want to go home and I already called an Uber so-”
He just nods but you can see the hurt in his eyes, “will you text me-us? Text us when you get home?”
You look down at your phone, “I-um- I need to go over to the waiting area where I’ll be picked up, thanks for inviting me.” With that, you’re turning away before he can even breathe a second time. Jungkook can’t tear his eyes away from you, watching you walk away, wanting to watch you until you're a speck in the distance.
“Mai is buckled in Jungkook-ah.” His dad calls him away before he can do any of that.
His thoughts spiral on the drive back home.
‘I can’t do this anymore…I won’t do this.’ Your words play like a broken movie reel in his mind. A sick feeling settles in Jungkook’s stomach; a strong taste of bile rises in his throat as he wonders if you mean it.
The days following begin to fuse into the next before you realize two weeks have gone by. Two weeks of missed phone calls from Jungkook but even more painful are the missed calls from their house phone.
Mai.
You have to hold your stomach every time you think of Mai. The innocent one caught between two adults she thinks the world of, the only two who are her entire world. It’s enough to make you want to lose all contents of your stomach which hasn’t been much lately. Getting by on a couple of sips from your morning tea and a bite or two of unbuttered sourdough bread before heading off to work.
Everything has lost its taste, life as you know it has lost flavor.
You always enjoyed work, as stressful as it could be at times. But it was becoming your mute therapist because you couldn’t talk about the things warring your mind. They just bottled inside of you, one after the other; when would it finally implode?
Three knocks sound at your front door and you jump away from the counter, a small plate with a sad sandwich placed on top of it. You abandon it, you’re sure the bread is starting to mold anyway. Poking your head around the corner, your eyes are wide as they stare down the narrow hallway. The runner in the center of the floor is left askew, shoes tossed under the hallway table cluttered with your keys and three days of mail; everything is left unopened.
The doorbell screeches like a hungry crow; you yelp a curse before clamping your hand over your mouth. There’s no way he has the gull to show up at your house…
A muffled call of your name sounds on the other side of the door followed by rapid presses of the doorbell.
It’s Nic.
You sigh, moving down the hallway as quickly as you can before tearing the door open. Nic stands there with her arm up, her hand fisted ready to knock on the door, “well, hello stranger!” Her voice is laced with sarcasm and a toothy smile to boot. She’s already setting her things down on the small breakfast nook that separates the kitchen from the living room, she follows your every move until you’re standing on the opposite side of the counter, a waiting expression sits on her face.
“Wine?” She asks. You’re impressed when she pulls a long bottle out of her purse, something like Mary Poppins would do if she wasn’t so cheerful.
You shake your head, pushing the bottle back into her bag, “I’m cutting myself off forever.”
“Ah,” she nods knowingly and it’s confirmation enough that she is aware of the revelation that occurred on the cruise. You know he called her and asked her to check on you.
You lean onto the counter and Nic does the same after propping herself up on a barstool, “he sent you,” you state rather than ask. You know your best friends through and through. And beneath your broken pride and splitting heart, you can admit that they know you just the same.
Instead of a joke, she just purses her lips and offers you an apologetic smile, “he did.”
You shrug, resting your hand under your chin. The two of you continue in a stare-off that holds a thousand words between your shaking eyes and Nic’s patient ones. She doesn’t press you like you’re used to, but perhaps that’s because she can see the sheen across your eyes or the way you keep swallowing back the lump in your throat.
Nic, opinionated in all her ways and always managing to impose them on the ones she holds near and dear, bites her bottom lip when you close your eyes only for a few tears to fall shortly after.
She clears her throat, pressing a tissue into your hand while your head hangs low; “you should talk to him, babe.”
You’re shaking your head and Nic sighs, biting back her words until you pick your head up to look at her.
She’s careful but direct; “So that’s it, you just cut him off? For how long are you planning on doing that - for forever?” Nic knows how ridiculous that sounds. Even more than when you swore you would take your once secret love for Jungkook to the grave.
“That’s the plan,” you croak, pressing the tissue over your eyes so it can soak up your tears.
“And Mai?” Nic retorts.
Your hands drop onto the counter along with your stomach; there’s no answer for that.
“Custody isn’t necessarily a thing between friends-”
“Nic,” you give her a stern look and she apologizes.
“Look, you don’t need me to say this because I know you, and I know how much you love Mai,” Nic’s tone sounds desperate for you to hear her, “but I’m going to say it anyway - I get seeing him and talking to him sounds incredibly painful, but are you really willing to lose that little girl’s trust? I mean anyone can see that she worships the ground you walk on,” Nic can’t help but chuckle but her seriousness never fades, “if you decide never to talk to them again, that-” Nic pushes her pointer finger onto the countertop, “that will be excruciating for her…” The second to pause allows you to feel the final crushing of your heart before Nic finishes.
“You can’t make this choice for her and not be in her life all of a sudden just because you want to run away from reality - Mai is just as much in this painful reality with you and Jungkook.”
You hate how right she is. You hate that Nic has taken every single word out of your mouth and made sense of it.
The sun is setting over the city as Jungkook continues to stare out the window of his office. It’s the end of a long workday. He’s tired after showing several houses from one end of the boulevard to the other. His feet hurt, his neck is aching, and he’s sick of wearing this stupid suit.
But he can’t think of anything else. He can’t think of anyone else. All he can think about is you. Sick with worry about his daughter who has no understanding of what’s happened. She’s asked to sleep with him every night for the past two weeks, it was the only thing that could soothe her anxiety. He wanted to be mad at you for cutting Mai off. Himself, he could understand, but Mai? Then again, he wondered how much he was to blame too. Did he unintentionally put his daughter in this spot? Going out with a different woman at least a few nights a week, asking you to babysit Mai every time? If he had just been honest from the beginning, maybe none of this would have happened.
He scoffs at himself, ripping his tie from around his neck and tossing it onto his desk. Of course, idiot, if you just confessed years ago, this wouldn’t be happening. Mai wouldn’t be experiencing her first heartbreak at seven years old. Selfishly, he wouldn’t have had to see the hurt that split you right down the middle when he waltzed in that night covered in another woman’s touch.
All the times you saw him that way.
Idiot. He has to laugh. Idiot doesn’t even begin to cover it.
“Hi baby,” Jungkook sweeps Mai into his arms when he finally arrives home, relieving the babysitter. Mai rests her head on his shoulder, pressing the moles she can see on his face with her finger. He’s not used to her being so quiet.
It’s late; way past her bedtime.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Mai sighs into his shoulder.
“I know,” he rubs her back, walking into her bedroom. Maybe she could manage it tonight. Mai doesn’t fight it, climbing under her comforter when Jungkook pulls it back for her. He sits on the floor next to her bed, knees curled up to his chest, he looks back at Mai whose eyes glisten under the glow of the starry night light, “guess we need to talk, huh?” She asks.
Jungkook chuckles, pinching her cheek, “shoot.”
Mai’s eyelashes flutter when she looks away, “she always has dinner with us on Sundays,” she starts, “is she mad at me?”
Jungkook is quick to settle her disquieting thoughts, “never in a million years bud, she could never be upset with you.”
“Then why isn’t she coming over to see me?” Mai isn’t crying, but her eyes look back at Jungkook and he can feel a tear in his heart when she does.
He sighs, holding Mai’s hand inside of his; “I hurt her feelings, so I think seeing you makes it hard for her because I’m always with you, right?”
Mai nods, “So say you’re sorry dad.”
He muffles a laugh, “it’s not that easy for adults sometimes.”
“Why? Don’t you miss her too?”
“I do,” he admits, “and I care a lot about her too.” Jungkook says, eying Mai, searching for the right words before he continues, “do you know what that means, bean?” He rests his chin on top of his hand, stroking her hair away from her face with the other. Mai observes her dad, hands pressed underneath her cheek.
“Grandma says when you care about people, it means you love them, so-” she twitches her nose inquisitively and Jungkook can’t help but giggle, leaning in to pinch it, “ask me questions,” he says, helping her out.
Mai yawns, not too far from sleep. But Jungkook can’t resist this time before bed, when his daughter is on the precipice of sweet slumber and they are alone, talking about whatever. Most of the time they are teasing each other, but if Mai has spent the day with you, Jungkook especially wanted to hear about it.
“I guess, does it mean you love her like you love me?” Mai asks.
The corner of his lips quirk into a smile, “I love you more than you can ever know-” he stops to catch the twinkle in his daughter’s eye, “but this love is a little bit different.”
Mai nods and follows with a big yawn. Jungkook leans in once more to kiss her forehead, “sleep tight.”
“I won’t let the bedbugs bite,” May yawns again.
Before Jungkook steps out of her room, Mai squeaks, “dad?”
“Yeah?” He turns in a heartbeat.
“I love her too, and well you know how the other kids at school-well most kids have their moms you know?”
He can feel the final shattering inside of him when he goes to rub his chest. Jungkook moves in, sitting next to Mai when she sits up, “I feel like I love her how a kid is supposed to love their mom-like she is the very best friend I will ever get to have, dad,” Mai looks up at him, “if she is mad at you, please make it better because I think we need her for forever.”
Tears brim the outside of Jungkook’s eyes, his smile trembling when he stares down at his literal heart in the shape of his child; “I love you so much,” he pulls her into his lap where Mai finds solace hiding her face in his shoulder.
“But my friend at school can never know that, it would hurt her feelings,” Mai muffles against him. Jungkook manages a gentle laugh, pressing a long kiss to the top of Mai’s head, his tears going unnoticed by his daughter.
The last time you received a call from Mai’s school was a year ago, she pushed a boy who tried to put a dead lizard on top of her head. He fell back and scraped his elbow. Mai was not about to let the school call her dad.
‘He won’t be as mad if you’re with me!’ She insisted, holding her hand in yours as the two of you crossed the street, a detention slip in her other hand.
Listed as the third emergency contact under her grandma, your stomach churns, wondering why they would be calling you. There is no question whether you would answer or not.
“Hello?” You breathe slowly into the phone.
The woman on the other end informs you she’s the principal; “Mai’s father and grandma haven’t returned our calls; the kids had an early release today but it appears they have forgotten to pick her up, and the buses have all gone.”
You frown, they never forget to pick Mai up from school. And if either one couldn’t, you were the next in line if she wasn’t going to take the bus; “oh-uh okay, I-um-I can be there in-” you look at the clock above your desk, ignoring the incomplete work before you, “I can be there in fifteen minutes.”
You rush around the room to gather your things, darting for the door with your keys in hand.
By the time you’re walking up to the school Mai is running through the main doors, the principal right behind her smiling as Mai meets you halfway. She clings around your waist and it instantly causes your eyes to water, “hi bean.”
“I missed you,” she says, pulling herself off of you only to grab your hand. She pulls you with fervor to your car, barely giving you time to look back and wave at the principal.
Once settled in the car you turn towards the backseat and look at her with raised brows, “did they know you were getting out early?”
Mai purses her lips, eyes widening when she shrugs in response, quick to open a book to read when you start the car.
“Hm,” you turn around without much afterthought, making the drive back to their house. It’s been three weeks now, three weeks since that morning which you’ve tried desperately to forget, and three weeks since talking to Jungkook and Mai.
You aren’t sure what classifies as tension between an adult and a child, but the Mai who is usually speaking faster than she can keep up with has taken to staring out the window, staring at the buildings whizzing by and trees blending into the other. You look into the rearview mirror every so often, pretending you don’t know why she looks so indifferent.
Hugging you was a good sign, but now she seems awkward, dashing out of your car and beating you to the front door. You eye each other when you make it there. She gives you a sarcastic look, looking at your keys for a moment before you get the hint. You always had a set of keys to their house. It felt weird using them now.
Mai pushes the door open impatiently, the keys still in the lock with your hand attached to it, “hey-geez, slow down will you-no running-” you smack your tongue, setting your things down when Mai runs down the hallway to her bedroom.
Your chest fills with air as you take a glance around their home, singing praises that Jungkook’s car is not in the driveway meaning he must have been too busy to eat lunch at home.
“Mai,” your voice echoes down the hallway, “Mai you know shouldn’t be running in the house.”
She’s sitting at the small table her grandpa made for her, her homework already laid out and a pencil in hand. You watch her for a moment, waiting for any sign of acknowledgment of what you’ve said. But she just sits there, chin resting in her hand while she reads over the assignment.
You sigh, moving to sit on the floor next to her, looking over her paper to read the words but all you can see is the blank expression on Mai’s face. You poke her hand, “anybody in there?”
She moves her hand into her lap and starts writing.
You know why she’s doing this and you can’t be upset, but it does sting a little. Usually, it’s a fight to get her to do her homework when you’re around; “so you’re just going to ignore me? I thought you missed me.”
It’s only then that her eyes dart to meet yours, her eyes a mirrored reflection of her father’s. It’s always amazed you how they twinkle like stardust is floating around in them. You attempt a smile but it just falls when you notice how her eyes are glistening with tears.
“I missed you too bean-”
“Na-uh, I’m a kid but you don’t need to lie to me, I’m a tough kid.” She defends herself.
“Mai,” you sigh.
“If you missed me then you would have come to see me, but you didn’t for three whole weeks, so you’re just a liar,” Mai abandons her pencil and drops her face onto the table, creating a barrier around her head with her arms.
That cuts you deep.
A liar.
You sit there and listen to her sniffle before working up the courage to touch her arm, she flinches and you wait for her to pull away but it’s more surprising when she doesn’t.
“Bean, will you look at me please?” Your tone is soft as you rub her arm. She shakes her head.
“Please," is all you can say. You watch her chest heave when she complies a minute later, cheeks wet from her tears, she can hardly keep her eyes on you. You reach over and wipe her face with the back of your hand, squeezing her chin in the process. She bites back a smile.
“You lost a tooth!” You gasp, holding onto her chin and moving it down to reveal the new gap in her bottom teeth. She can’t help but perk up at you noticing, “it fell out when I bit into an apple,” she giggles. You laugh with her, watching her round cheeks glow pink; “Mai, I really have missed you.”
She moves her lips in a thinking manner, finally, you can breathe a little bit easier when her eyes find you, “I told dad you are my best friend. And usually best friends like to see each other, so,” she hums, scrounging around for her thoughts, “so you didn’t come over and I thought you just didn’t want me to be your friend anymore.”
You’re shaking your head, cursing at yourself, “that would never happen, not in a million lifetimes kid because you’re my best friend too.”
She understands but you can still see the questioning in her expression as she tries to piece it all together so it can make sense. You pull Mai closer to you until she is sitting right in front of you, her legs tucked underneath herself; “I am so sorry bean, for not talking to you and for not coming around-” you start but you wonder how to continue, looking around the room as if there is some viable answer written on the walls, “I was…angry about something and it hurt me really bad. So I thought being alone would make me feel better.”
Mai plays with your hands, perhaps not even noticing she is doing it, “did it?”
You have to chuckle at her, if only you had a measure of Mai’s honesty, you and Jungkook would not be in this current situation, “no, because I just ended up hurting the one person who means so much to me, the only one who has never hurt me back.”
Mai looks at you hopefully, “me?”
A smile beams across your face and you pull Mai into you until she is giggling, “yes you, silly.”
After a moment of light-heartedness, Mai settles back down, drawing circles into the shag rug, “dad said he hurt your feelings, so I guess this is all his fault.”
You hum, rubbing your hand over her hair, “well - no, I can’t put all the blame-”
“MAI?” The desperate yell for her name causes both of you to jump. Mai clamors to her feet, darting into her bathroom and slamming the door shut.
“What-Mai?” You’re launched into a panic, one over the fact that Mai’s face drained of any color at the sound of her dad’s gruff voice and second, it’s Jungkook’s voice.
Her name falls off of his tongue like rapid fire. Before you can say anything he tears into Mai’s bedroom and comes to a screeching halt at the sight of you. He’s breathless, staring at you. All you can manage is to gesture at the bathroom door, “she ran in there.” Just then Mrs. Jeon comes in behind her son, worried eyes finding relief upon seeing you, “oh thank God, please tell me Mai is here,” she sighs.
You nod, confused as ever, “her principal called me because it was an early day and nobody was there to pick her up…” You stop, realizing there was a major miscommunication and Mai was the culprit.
Jungkook’s eyes are fierce, eyebrows in a straight line when he moves in front of the bathroom door, hand rattling the doorknob which is now locked. He makes a fist ready to pound on it when his mom stops him, “you’ll just make it worse,” she speaks calmly, looking back at you. Her hands are trembling when she reaches out to you, you move forward and grab them.
You fumble with words, “She must’ve-”
“We’ve been looking everywhere for the last hour - since when did my kid start scheming - open this door Mai!” Jungkook starts again, his worry fuming out of him.
“Jungkook-ah, please,” Mrs. Jeon pleaded, pushing herself between the door and her son, “the important part is that she is safe…why don’t you go to the kitchen, get some water and just relax for a moment.”
“Mom-”
She shakes her head, “I will talk to her, now go.”
Hesitantly he drags his feet and leaves the room. Your stomach does flips when Mrs. Jeon settles her attention on you, hand resting on the doorknob of Mai’s bathroom.
Please, don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t-
“Will you keep an eye on him, please? I don’t know why but he’s been so worked up lately-” Mrs. Jeon shrugs, unsure of what else to say. You take a deep breath in, nodding as you march out of the room at a snail’s pace.
He’s bent at the waist, face pressed into his palms before he runs them back through his hair- it’s shorter now. He takes a deep breath that is promptly cut off when he sees you standing there, your hands resting on top of the granite countertop. Your fingers twitch with anxiety, palms feeling clammy as your heartbeat picks up again.
He finishes a glass of water, turning around to set it down in the sink. He doesn’t look back at you, resting his hands at the edge of the counter, “thanks for being there,” his voice is barely audible, “you-uh, you don’t have to stay-”
“I’m sorry.”
His shoulders tense, another breath is trapped in his throat at the sound of your voice. It rasps and shakes at the threat of new tears but you hold them back for as long as you can. You aren’t sure how long that will last.
“Jungkook?” You aren’t confident saying his name, unsure if he is seething because of Mai or if it’s really because of you.
He nods before turning around, looking at the top of your head before his gaze shakes over your eyes until he gives up, looking down at the floor.
“I don’t know-” you stop when you hear Mrs. Jeon come down the hallway, she stands next to you and rubs your back, a more relaxed smile on her face.
“She failed to let us know that it was an early day, says she forgot,” Mrs. Jeon shrugs. You and Jungkook look at each other knowing full well that Mai is the mastermind behind this very moment; “but she understands the severity of what she caused and is ready to apologize to you,” his mom looks from her son to you, “and you.”
Jungkook thanks her and walks her to the front door after she hugs you; “oh,” she calls to you gently, “come over for dinner soon? It’s like pulling teeth to get this boy to bring you over, we miss you.”
You just nod, smiling at her before Jungkook closes the door behind her. He rubs the back of his neck, reclaiming his spot across from you. The island provides a safe space between the two of you as you lean your weight against it.
“I’m sorry,” his tone is unsure but you can feel the guilt radiate from him, “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say that,” he sighs, “and so many other things.” He mutters the last part but you manage to hear it.
“I was hurt,” you swallow so hard that even he can hear it, “I’ve had so much pent up - for years…I just lost it.”
“We always talk about everything. I mean, d-don’t you think I would have wanted to know about something that important?” His words are desperate to be heard, steeped in weeks of constant questioning.
“You make it sound like confessing is so easy,” you can’t help the frown that appears, “the risk involved? Because telling you just so I can be rejected doesn’t mean just losing you,” your voice struggles, “I’ll lose Mai too and god, I can’t stomach that.”
He’s looking at you now, directly at you, blinking away what you can only assume are tears.
“I-I didn’t want to risk that so I held it in, I pushed it away until I believed that I didn’t love you anymore but,” you shake your head, “I realized it wasn’t going to go away even after every date you came home from. How I’ve had to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach when you traipse in after you’ve been with another woman, a woman that could never be me - will never be me. I was so mad that I couldn’t be jealous enough or hurt enough by that to stop loving you. I want to stop, but I can’t figure out how-” your words taper off when you notice a trace of a smile spreads across his lips.
“Are you sm-smiling?” Your hands tremble and you’re ready to storm out of there.
He is smiling, it’s barely there but you can see it.
“Can I say something?” His eyebrows lift as he looks at you with hopeful eyes.
You aren’t sure if you should be offended by the crooked smile on his face, the same one that melts your insides and makes your palms sweat. You just nod, ready to take on another offense.
“I love you too.” His voice is shaking.
Everything stops. Your heart launches into your throat and you aren’t sure if you’re breathing anymore. You can feel your mouth fall open, you have to tell yourself to close it. Jungkook just waits.
The confident, suave Jungkook you know all too well is replaced by the loving human you have known even more. The man who masks his worth with fleeting escapades that never last past one night or a weekend at most.
“What? What do you mean,” you stutter, your lungs feel like they are collapsing, “why are you telling me this now?”
Jungkook closes his eyes for a second and shakes his head, “I’m scared too.” He says, opening his eyes to look at you.
He takes you in, the intensity of his stare enough to make you fall back, you can only hope there’s enough strength left in your legs to hold yourself up. Your stomach flips when he makes a step forward to which you take one back.
“You didn’t give me a chance to say anything when it all happened,” his feet move toward you again in one small step, “I wanted to tell you then but rightfully so, you were so upset. Then you were telling me to leave-”
“I didn’t-I-”
“You didn’t want me to reject you?” Jungkook fills in the blanks for you. You nod sheepishly, wringing your hand around your wrist.
The air stills when Jungkook’s fingertips graze your hand, “have I ever rejected you since we’ve known each other?”
Your mind races. Intentionally, no he hasn’t. As much as you dropped everything to be with Mai, Jungkook would do the same. When your car broke down on the freeway late one night? Jungkook was there before the tow truck, a sleeping Mai in the back seat of their car. When you didn’t get the promotion you worked tirelessly to earn? He was at your apartment to pick up the pieces, later that night you and Mai baked cookies together and ended that awful day with a movie - the three of you cuddled up on your couch.
Jungkook has always been there.
“God, all I’ve ever wanted is you,” Jungkook can’t stop himself long enough to allow you to stay in your thoughts. He can practically see your heart thumping out of your chest, he can feel your warm breath stagger out of your mouth. It isn’t until he decides to reach up and touch your neck with a ghostly touch does your breathing still. His touch is so slight it leaves goosebumps all over your skin. You swallow the lump in your throat when his hand grazes your jaw before he cups it around the side of your face. His fingers rub the shell of your ear.
“Do you still want me?” He fills the gap between you with careful steps; you can see the longing in his eyes and you wonder for how long you’ve missed that. With the little space left, it’s almost too difficult to look up at him; “Jungkook I-”
His breath stops at the sound of your voice like he’s ready for the ultimate rejection. His beating heart prepares for more pain.
“Yes,” You’re breathless. You only catch a second of the smile spreading his cheeks before he pulls you in. Muscular arms wrapping tightly around you but he’s careful to leave breathing room. All too naturally, your face nuzzles in his shoulder, breathing in his scent as your arms fold around his waist.
His nose presses into your hair, cheek warm against your temple.
“Wait,” you push your hands against his chest to create space. He grabs your hands to keep you close, “are you serious?”
He chuckles, nodding, his warm breath casts over your face, putting you deeper under his spell.
“After all of that happened, I didn’t think I had a chance. I didn’t think it could even be a possibility before,” his eyes look uncertain now, “you know too much about me,” he runs his fingers back through your hair, “but you are everything to me…you’ve loved Mai without me even asking you to,” he sighs, his expressions always more serious than most but it’s the Jungkook you know. Innocent eyes staring down at you, “watching you with Mai these last seven years has been the highlight of my life, but it was torturous too-”
You press your face into his chest, chuckling while tears overcome you, “torturous?”
Jungkook picks your chin up and kisses your tears away; “you were always in arm's reach but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, I just settled to silently love you.”
You shake your head, allowing Jungkook to wipe each tear away with his thumb.
“I was afraid it would confuse Mai. She’s my world too, you know?” You whisper.
“She’s too wise for her age,” he brushes his nose against yours, wearing the smile that exposes his bunny teeth, “trust me, she knows enough that we should be a family.”
His eyes search for an answer in yours, you don’t have to ask for the question running through his mind when his gaze sweeps over your lips. The only thing that forces him to stop is when he chuckles low.
“What?” You smile, head floating in ecstasy, you think you could pass out.
“I guess that stupid fortune was true.”
You shake your head with a small smile. He fidgets, “I love you-” he manages to get out before your lips press against his. They are slightly chapped but so soft as they mold to yours. You can feel your skin growing hot when his tongue rubs against your bottom lip. It takes everything in you not to burst right then and there, fallen victim to his tender kiss.
“I love you,” you stop to say. His slight pout at the break in your kiss makes you chuckle.
Jungkook lets his chin rest against your shoulder when he pulls you in, the two of you staying that way for a little bit. If not for the quiet pad of Mai’s bare feet tapping down the hallway, he thinks he could have stayed that way with you all night.
His eyes brighten when he sees Mai stoke around the corner, saucer-sized eyes spying on the two of you.
“Come here bean,” Jungkook’s voice surprises you, and you pull away as Mai runs into the kitchen. Before you can say anything to her, she wraps her arms around your middle, nose pressed into your hip. She muffles something.
You sniffle, “I can’t understand you,” you giggle, grabbing her chin in a tender grip so she can look up at you. Her eyes are wet again, resting her chin against your stomach, “I said, I love you.” Mai whispers like her dad can’t hear her. Her cheeks grow red and she immediately shies away.
Jungkook rubs her back with a loving stroke when he hears your breath catch in your throat. You kneel and take Mai’s face in your hands, “I love you so much, bean.”
“Enough to stick around forever?” She laughs nervously, swallowing back a soft cry, “because it was horrible without you, dad doesn’t know how to build forts like you do.” Jungkook laughs, nudging Mai’s back with his knee.
There’s a gentle mending in your heart when she says that, you stroke her hair and laugh with glistening eyes, “I promise I’ll build forts with you until we’re both too big to fit in them, and even then kid, you can’t ever get rid of me.” You are struggling to hold back the ugliest of sobs.
Mai doesn’t answer, she only falls forward into your arms, nuzzling her face into your hair. Jungkook joins you, resting on his knees to wrap the two of you into his hold.
You pull your face away enough so you can look at him. He kisses you before mouthing the words you’ve so yearned to hear him say; “I love you.”
#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook x reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook fanfic#dad!jungkook#bts fanfic#bts x reader#bts fluff#bts angst#i can't wait...series by serendipitous-seven#my reposts from moon-write
270 notes
·
View notes
Text
seeing kenji muto, the director of trigun stampede, reading an article about the portrayal of women in media made me want to take a little bit of a closer look at the women in trigun and as i was rambling about this earlier to my partner, they told me to write it down LMAO
as most of us know, in a lot of fiction, women are mostly characterised through common tropes, leading to a lack of complexity and a one-dimensional portrayal: as the doting wife, the femme fatale, the mistress, or the virgin. Their role only amounts to an Other, an extension of the male hero. they’re either the whore or the madonna.
for female characters in anime that usually means they’re either the sexy femme fatale, big badonkers and all to be gazed at, the mother, the helpless damsel in distress, or the child (yet, still sexualised despite the fact that it is a literal child); they’re portrayed through the way they are being perceived by men and mostly sexualised beyond belief.
tristamp doesn’t do any of that.
in fact, the female characters in stampede achieve something that you don’t often see in anime: they are people. and stampede makes that clear in its very first episode by decidedly not going the route that you would usually take with the female characters they introduce:
of course, the biggest example here would be meryl, who i’d argue is the biggest driver of the plot, despite the fact that the plot of stampede is technically determined by vash - vash is an entirely passive character, he doesn’t make things happen, things happen to him and they mostly happen to him because of meryl. she’s the one who unties him, she drags them to the city, she makes them stay with him after ep3, she drives over wolfwood (rip my man), she stops for them to find rollo, she makes them follow the steamer.. you get it. she does all of this, despite being introduced as the newbie, the innocent person who would usually be the damsel in distress, who is helpless and shy and easily manipulated and who will probs be sexualised in her role as the “virgin” (sexually naive young girl who just doesn’t get all this adult sexuality yet hehe)
but she’s not – she wears a non-sexualised outfit, she only gets called out for being a newbie, or for being small height-wise by wolfwood, but not for being a “girl”, she determines the action despite the fact that she does have a mentor figure and is therefore still in a position of a student – she still isnt an extension of roberto, vash, or anyone
in fact, the other characters – Rosa, Elendira, Luida, Rem – all take up roles that would in other media be portrayed in very specific ways: Rosa could just be a pregnant mother, who is also a divorcee, Elendira could be an innocent child beholden to her caretaker, Luida could be the loving motherlike figure and rem the Madonna figure, symbolising all the virtues a woman should aspire to have. – Rosa is a leader, her pregnancy is mentioned one single time and never made a bigger part of her character, Elendira is young but powerful, making choices by herself that are not inherently based on any kind of innocence, Luida doesn’t coddle Vash or prioritise him over her own work and mission (which also serves to inspire another woman, meryl!!), and rem is also just a non-perfect person, with secrets and questionable morality
none of these women are judged on the basis of their gender, none of them experience gender-based violence, none of them are made into a joke, none of them are sexualised (or desexualised – if you compare them to the male characters, who also do not ever make jokes about sexual promiscuity or similar stuff), they have different body types (rem has a very pronounced chest, and yet stampede doesn’t ever focus on it or give her cleavage) – note also that when presented with the perfect opportunity to call a female character a “bitch”, they chose to go with a “witch” instead, in both original japanese and english dub
their femininity is not used as a weapon against them, nor are stereotypical hypermasculine elements used to define characters’ positive traits (vash not being our traditionally hypermasculine hero for example) - the only time we see a semblance of gender-based violence is, you guessed it, at the very end, when knives forcefully takes control and bodily autonomy away from vash and inseminates the plants against their will (also interesting to note that knives, as the character that does exhibit that kind of violence, is the only character to be shown incredibly buff and all muscle)
the women in tristamp are written for women, with the goal to be women that we can recognise, that represent the women that we are and know
anyways, i love all women in tristamp and have not once felt uncomfortable or said “oh look, a panty shot” and honestly i just find that pretty neat
#trigun stampede#trigun#meryl stryfe#rem saverem#trigun meta#ramblings#dont take this too seriously its just me being very nerdy for female characters LMAO#a lot of anime that i like fall into the trap of writing female characters for men and in relation to other male characters and i honestly#expect it at this point but PHEW was i going help WOMEN??? during tristamp#also do i need to add a citation bc im technically just citing my own thesis..... LMAOO
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy to have just wrapped up this weeks DUNE painting! Based on last weeks most popular voting; Here is Chani, the determined Fremen warrior from the north.
Four more DUNE characters to go! Which one should I paint next?
1. Emperor
2. Rabban
3. Stilgar
4. Gurney
Also, I saw the movie last week for the second time with my girlfriend and I really like Zendaya's portrayal of the character. The changes from the book to the movie are a really big improvement in my opinion. I am curious how they will bring her arc to a closure in part 3.
Hope you like it!
Best,
JCH
#dungeons and dragons#board games#concept art#fantasy art#tabletop games#magic the gathering#digital painting#character design#ancient history#armor#dune two#dune part two#dune part 2#dune movie#dune 2#dune#chani kynes#chani#paul x chani#fremen#dune frank herbert
120 notes
·
View notes
Note
regarding aang becoming offended bc of his portrayal as a woman in ember island players, i think his anger was justified on that specific occassion? I mean, the fire nation was mocking his gentle nature and pacifism by portraying him as a blithering naive idiot who never took things seriously and the belittling of his culture and beliefs. This is one of the worst episodes for him, dont get me wrong, but in this case, femininity was utilized as a source of derision and weakness imo. I dont say this with bad intentions, just thought i would write this bc i also condemned aang for the same thing before
If that was what Aang was upset about I might be inclined to agree, but everything he says and does throughout that episode points to the contrary. Aang doesn’t say anything about the incorrect portrayal of his culture and personal values. Here is what he does say:
[Note: the above expression is before the actress hardly says anything so he’s clearly just mad about the fact that she’s female]
Aang: [angrily] Is that a woman playing me?
Aang: I don't do that! That's not what I'm like! And I'm not a woman!
[Note: the official script includes the emphasis; again, it’s very obvious that he’s most bothered by being played by a woman]
Then this exchange:
Toph: I don't know, you are more in touch with your feminine side than most guys.
Aang: [Standing up, angrily] Argh!
Katara: Relax, Aang. They're not accurate portrayals. It's not like I'm a preachy crybaby who can't resist giving overemotional speeches about hope all the time. [Everyone looks at her] What?
Aang: [Turns around and sits down. Sarcastically.] Yeah, that's not you at all.
You know what I love about this conversation is that is proves two things at once. Firstly, yet again, it’s clear that being portrayed by a woman is what is most upsetting to Aang. Secondly, his reaction (and, honestly, insult) to Katara’s values here shows that he’s not thinking that deeply about this. It has nothing to do with values. Aang is offended at the idea that he is being portrayed by a woman and with more “feminine” qualities, which honestly plays well with his creepy, possessive behavior with Katara later this same episode.
And I actually do like the fact that you brought up femininity being used as “a source of derision and weakness” because guess what! That’s the definition of femininity itself. Femininity doesn’t mean simply being a woman; femininity is the social behaviors and roles that women are expected to fulfill. Which is why I don’t have any sympathy for a man who is offended by being called feminine or compared to a woman because it’s reflective of a deeply misogynistic attitude on his part. If Aang thinks femininity is so degrading and weak, what does that say about the fact he expects his crush to behave that way? I mean, this is what he thinks of Katara, through his own perspective:
So yeah, that’s my question. If being compared to a woman is so insulting and humiliating to Aang, what does that say about how he intuitively views actual women? Why does he think he’s above that treatment but women aren’t? People act like I’m crazy for saying that he exhibits toxic masculinity this episode but this only furthers that point.
Oh and before someone jumps in here and acts like this goes both ways, let me point you to this:
Toph’s reaction to finding out she’s being played by a big, buff, stereotypically-masculine man. She’s thrilled! Why? Because we are products of a misogynistic society and therefore intuitively view being compared to a man as a compliment and a woman as an insult. The respective roles assigned to each are not equal. Masculinity and femininity were never equal and the system was deliberately created that way. You can see this idea ingrained in the writing of this episode because it’s a bias we all hold to some degree, including the writing and creative team here.
So I’m sorry, but considering the bias clearly present within the writing team and the way the characters behave this episode, it’s clear to me that Aang’s reaction has nothing to do with his culture and everything to do with his misogyny.
#besides if we’re talking culture#supposedly he’s also meant to avoid earthly attachment and possession#which is not in line at all with his treatment of katara#anti kataang#canon critical#aang critical#atla#avatar the last airbender#ember island players#meta#zutara#katara#toph#fandom salt
120 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of my favourite things about Jodie's performance as the doctor is that she is always Moving. She's always using big, overt stage gestures. Always fiddling or shifting. Movement is such a huge part of her portrayal of the character to the point that it's So constant that you barely notice she's always moving after a while.
Of course, this is brilliant because it throws such Stark contrast on those few moments where she is still. Where she is a statue. Where you can feel the fury radiate off of her, judgemental and terrifying.
The physical acting is just *chef's kiss*
#dw shit#i haven't watched her in so long i'd forgotten#i mean i remember#but i'd forgotten just how ott she could be with it#the huge full body shrugs and hand waving and peacocking around the room as if on stage#i love it
221 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)
Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2)
That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3)
If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4)
Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)
The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.
I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.
But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.
Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.
And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.
In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!
#ask#personal#Anonymous#long post#t#aroace#ace#he cares about Vox at this point!#but that's. not really the same as respecting him.#anyway this next chapter is important to me because it's very#how do I put this#“this was okay at the moment but that doesn't mean he's okay with it overall and forever”#“and it does not mean that they've 'progressed' their relationship to the point where Alastor being aroace is a 'nonissue'”#“(feat. ofc the heavy implication that it was an issue in the first place)”#ANYWAY. SOMETIMES I HAVE A HARD TIME EXPRESSING THIS IN NON-FIC WORDS#SO HOPEFULLY THE FIC AS IT CONTINUES SPEAKS FOR ME. I AM GLAD THAT IT HAS SPOKEN TO YOU SO FAR <3 THANK YOU!!#sexuality#my writing#hazbin hotel#this is a hot button topic atm and it took me a minute to write a reply#that didn't seem like it invited discourse lmfao#actually I still feel weird posting my opinion this strongly oops OH WELL
75 notes
·
View notes
Note
I have 0 intention of watching SAMS bc at this point catching up would be too much of a time investment, but at the same point, I would love to have a bit of context for went you & Dana rant about it.
Mayhaps could I have a tldr? Just so I can get the gist about what y'all are freaking out about ever couple of weeks.
Okay so I woke up really early but it’s my day off and I’m in an info dumping mood so—
—Rubs Gay little hands together then slams them on a cork board with photos and shit pinned to it—
INSTEAD OF A TL;DR I’M GONNA GIVE YOU A WHOLE DANG ASS SUMMARY
WHICH I WILL UPDATE REGULARLY
And yes I did spend 20 minutes making that dumb meme edit, before you ask.
OKAY
(putting a Read More cause this is gonna get LONG)
So, the Sun and Moon show, like all the Security Breach Channel shows, started off as just a character gaming channel with Sun and Moon. And in my personal opinion, as well as based on total subscriber count, the superior one of the lot since we never bother with the other channels unless there's a guest appearance from the boys on one of their episodes. (Literally we just here for Sun and Moon. The other character channel portrayals are just kinda "meh" or irksome)
Sun and Moon are portrayed as both the same person but also different individuals who choose to view the other as their brother (familiar, familiar) and is after they've managed to get their own separate bodies. Moon having made one for himself and left Sun with the original one.
Moon is not as much as a Gremlin as he is in canon and is more indifferent. He's into science and is friends with Satan (I am not joking)
Meanwhile, Sun is...
Sun.
As I said, the channel started off as just a character gaming channel with them just playing games, reacting to things, and some occasional VR shenanganry. The Invisible Davis (Sun) and EC_Universal's (Moon) sibling chemistry and banter is seriously top notch. And Davis even comes on as Monty sometimes (who now has his own channel with Foxy, but that's more recent and later on in this info dump).
Things are pretty tame at first lorewise. Just building up things like their relationships with the other animatronics (Like Sun being hopelessly in love with Roxanne. Which originally felt like a forced plotline but now he isn't in love with her at all anymore and has come to see her as a horrible person)
The biggest things that used to happen early on were really just Monty and his money-making scam attempts like:
Charging Sun several thousand dollars a second for his assistance in the daycare and selling him a space condo for $50 (which he revealed to have exploded recently) that Moon had to force him to give Sun's deposit back on.
Then things start happening...
Sun starts having blackouts and acting not like himself and not remembering things that happen from hours to even days at a time. This is when Eclipse starts to make himself known in both VR Lore vids and even gaming vids. Eclipse being: A piece of Moon's coding that was left behind when the two of them separated (the part of him that contained the homicide/Kill Code "glitch" that was a big part of him) inside of Sun that became it's own entity.
Moon's reason for doing this is cause he thought the code would die off having been mostly severed from him and that he himself could evolve to be more than a killing machine if it was gone. He thought Sun would be fine. But he came to realize he just left his brother with different cancerous entity living off him (his words to describe their previous shared body relationship).
Eclipse has very strong abandonment issues. And it's the primary motivation he has for everything he does. He is EXTREMELY pissed at Moon for leaving him behind inside of Sun who he was supposed to HATE and instead became all brotherly with. Forcing Eclipse to live Moon's nightmare of being trapped in a body he had no control over (Legit we got an episode featuring Eclipse's first moments of sentience after being severed from Moon highlighting all this).
However, this wasn't the first time that Eclipse had allegedly taken control by this point in time: A year after their seperation.
There was an event, July 16th, where Sun was extremely stressed in the daycare and supposedly snapped. He blacked out and when he came to...
Lots of kids were dead.
Eclipse was initially believed to be the cause of this event. But actually, it was BloodMoon. Another AI that Eclipse created while first trying to escape from Sun's body prison.
But upon the revelation of Eclipse's existence, BloodMoon's is still unknown.
Moon attempts to find a way to remove Eclipse from Sun and, upon their creator being of no help and completely useless, is recommended by Glamrock Freddy to go see Golden Freddy (or maybe the Creator contacts them after they see Golden, IDK I forget the exact order of those events).
Golden Freddy is Glamrock Freddy and classic Freddy's dad (Yeah, don't ask. These parts of the lore Dana and I kinda hate and just try to ignore) who is an all powerful ghost entity (again, don't ask) who uses magic to turn Moon into a plushie.
Long story short, Eclipse can't be removed if he doesn't WANT to be removed without killing Sun. And he REFUSES to be removed even when offered a body of his own cause this bitch baby is out for vengeance.
But now Moon knows magic.
He burns down some buildings that he cheers about getting reported over a police scanner.
And then they get called in by the government to be interviewed for that and other shit.
Also: apparently animatronics have a choice to make themselves techno-organic so they can eat things and shit (including having kids through sexy times, yes I am not fucking you)?
Sun and Moon refuse to take this up tho and at most Moon just installs nanomachines (son) into himself so he can eat metal as a way to repair himself.
Keep this nanomachine tech in your mind going forwards, btw.
BUT CONTINUING WITH THE PLOT
Pieces of the killcode inside of Moon begin to rebuild itself and Moon starts getting violent and kills a government guy that was hunting him and Sun down. Cause while they were being interviewed he came out and snapped a man's neck. Something that Moon and Sun argued about cause Moon was starting to think that Sun wanted to do these things like Eclipse implied and was just using him as a scapegoat so he wouldn't have to process his negative emotions.
And he was.
Kind of.
Cause even now, in the present (way after this point in the story I'm explaining) with Eclipse gone he still has extreme anger management issues and the occasional violent impulse. But that doesn't make him BAD (though he believes himself to be as a result). He just has a hard time regulating his emotions and keeping them in check because he was used to being the purely positive side of the coin when he and Moon were one. Being the happy to Moon's sad/angry.
Moon contacts their creator again for help with his issue. But once again, the creator does nothing.
Oh also, that government guy?
Yeah, Moon ate him.
My guy really ate a human person.
Sun and Moon fight with Sun choosing to leave Moon alone to wallow after getting punched in the face. Telling Moon how it was apparently too hard for him to be a good brother and REALLY putting a divide between the two of them.
Then, at some point, after Eclipse keeps sending Sun and Moon to different dimensions to torture them yet again (yeah, alternate dimension travel and universes exist and is a very frequent thing in SAMS) Eclipse sends the boys to fight a Wither Storm, which they come out of alive with their brotherly bond restored.
However, Moon is still going a bit insane cause of the killcode.
And then Eclipse creates Lunar and inserts hm into Moon's head.
Lunar is essentially a Sun version of Moon, his new happy, much like how Eclipse is a Moon version of Sun. Lunar is very child-like and was made to help Eclipse to find this Dues-Ex-Machina thing known as the Star. A thing of ultimate power that can be used to reshape and rebuild the world however the wielder wishes.
Eclipse's plan is to reset the world and become god.
Or, at least it WAS.
But more on that later.
Lunar being put in Moon's head helped with keeping the Kill Code at bay and allowed Moon to retain his sanity. And, after some initial antagonization, Moon and Lunar come to a bit of an agreement of having Lunar help him and Sun with information about Eclipse and BloodMoon (who they are finally told about but believe isn't real at this point). Moon just had to install games in his head for Lunar to play and whenever the daycare was open would let Lunar out to handle the kids instead since he liked it and was better with the children than he was as the one week he spent pretending to be Moon highlighted.
However, Eclipse gives both Sun and Moon a timeframe to hand over the Star before their bodies will be forcibly taken over by himself and Lunar.
They have until Halloween.
Oh and at some point he installed this maternity chip thing into Roxanne and she suddenly adopted Gregory and wanted to remarry her ex, Glamrock Freddy, when she and Sun supposedly had a "Thing" (they went on one date where it was all about HER) but we don't really care at all about that despite the wedding supposedly being some kind of big deal in the Security Breach Show verse but then it wasn't.
Obviously, Eclipse doesn't get the Star.
But Moon also doesn't exactly have a plan to stop him either and spends the last day they had to hand over the star having a breakdown over being realizing he is going to be trapped in his own body again.
So October begins and the Sun and Moon Show becomes the Eclipse and Lunar Show. And while they're in control, Eclipse made it so any time that Lunar moves in Moon's body, Moon will feel an immense amount of pain. The same way Sun used to any time he was in control of their shared body in the beginning.
Things don't go so well during that month when it's the Eclipse and Lunar Show. Lunar wanted to just have fun and get an actual brotherly relationship out of Eclipse, but Eclipse just viewed him as a tool to control (Literally, he inserted programs that let him control and even KILL HIM if he wanted).
And there were times when they fought where Eclipse hit him.
Which Eclipse momentarily seemed to regret before shoving his emotions deep down inside himself so he could ignore them because he refuses to let himself feel genuinely happy (Legit he made Lunar out of the coding bits of himself that were good and positive cause he hated them and didn't want them cause they came from Sun's code melding with what code of Moon's he was birthed from.).
At this point, Moon, Lunar, and Monty are working together to stop Eclipse and, for some reason, Lunar comes up with the plan of building BloodMoon (who somehow exists as a spectral manifestation of rage or something) a body so he can fight Eclipse. BloodMoon only agrees cause Lunar allows him to go out and kill hobos and will occasionally bring him bags of blood from the blood bank.
Then, after another fight with Eclipse, Lunar relinquishes control of the body completely back to Moon because he doesn't want to play outside anymore.
Before Moon gets control of his body again, though (and before deflecting an attempt of Eclipse's to kill Lunar while posing as him), Lunar asks if he and Sun can be his brothers. Which Moon wholly agrees to and tells Sun about when he goes inside of his and Eclipse's shared head to tell him his plan of banishing Eclipse via magic in a way that WON'T also kill him too (and leaving Sun with a massive magic dictionary and spells he has to memorize for when the day comes).
The day arrives.
BloodMoon and Eclipse fight while, in his head, Sun manages to banish Eclipse.
However, he says the spell WRONG so instead of being banished and dead forever he's just lying somewhere mangled and dying in the woods.
But Sun saying the spell wrong didn't matter in the end cause Eclipse had a bunch of backups he could have come back from. One of which he PLANTED INSIDE BLOODMOON while fighting him.
Queue things being relatively tame for awhile. Excluding Moon working himself to death finding and deleting Eclipse's backups.
But in the background BloodMoon running around wild and free killing random people and working with Eclipse/torturing him inside their body (cause BloodMoon is actually TWO people, not one.).
Eventually, Eclipse enacts his new plan of pushing Moon to the breaking point and making his Kill Code fully resurface. Which Moon was still struggling with and was concerned would potentially corrupt Lunar.
How Eclipse does this is by having the Bloodtwins mess with Sun and Moon while disguised as either of them (cause their body is made of nanomachines so they can shapeshift. I TOLD YOU THE NANOMACHINES WERE IMPORTANT) and the final nail in the coffin is Eclipse controlling them to pretend to be Sun and confronting Moon about how much he hated him and how he wished he'd DIE.
And thus the kill code is reactivated.
But not just reactivated, it's now since evolved into its own SENTIENT BEING that's fully in control while Moon is trapped inside his own head.
Again.
However, Moon aint the only one trapped now.
So is Lunar.
Monty goes inside Moon's head an manages to rescue Lunar to take him out and give him his own body. But at first Lunar doesn't want to go cause he doesn't want to leave Moon alone and insists on being "his happy".
Eventually, Moon and Kill Code (who we will call KC from now on) make an agreement to timeshare the body and not get in the way of one another's plans.
KC wants to just kill all the bad people in the world and has recruited BloodMoon (willingly) and Eclipse (unwillingly) who he views as his children to work with him.
Lunar returns in his new body (also made of Nanomachines) at this point and Moon has found a dimension for him to visit that has an Eclipse in it that's nice and who he is able to talk with and have an actual bond with. As a form of some sort of therapy since our Eclipse was a shitty brother and traumatized the bean and the Nice Eclipse of that dimension was kind of ostracized by the others since he was born from his Sun and Moon's split going completely WRONG.
The creator at some point stops by again and announces that he has created Sun and Moon a sister named Earth who is supposed to be better than them in every way (she's actually not and has her own flaws) and that she was going to be living with them now. (Sun literally says: "Die already, old man!" to him and other things a lot of people probably wish they could say to a shitty parent).
Meanwhile, at the KC Cave:
Eclipse is uploaded into a basic computer.
Eclipse HATES KC and immediately plots against him but builds him a robot by the name of Solar Flare to help him anyway. But, behind the scenes, Eclipse contacts Moon for help in killing KC.
And at the same time, Solar Flare ALSO contacts Moon for help to kill ECLIPSE and PROTECT KC.
As this is happening, the Bloodtwins have reverted back to messing with Sun while disguised as Moon again. However, they push him to far and Sun ends up obliterating them with a laser canon Eclipse had made that was hidden inside the musical barrels that are in the daycare.
Moon hears this as it happens, but Sun lies to him and tells him he just accidentally destroyed some "garbage".
KC ends up having to tell Moon what really happened when BloodMoon doesn't turn up after more than a week. Putting a bit of strain on the boys' relationship again cause Sun LIED to Moon.
Being so tired and done with everything and having finally fully snapped, Sun is now on a war path of finding and trying to kill Eclipse himself instead of letting Moon do all the work like always. Lunar finds out and he and Sun have a falling out with Lunar saying Sun was behaving just like Eclipse (and he was in their fight, belittling Lunar). But Lunar said some awful and hypocritical things too.
Sun storms off and it is at this point when Eclipse first contacts Moon to try and kill KC. First talking with Lunar and scaring him off, ultimately cementing Lunar's decision to run away from home with Monty's help since he doesn't want to be around Sun or deal with Eclipse until things get better.
Moon finds out about Lunar's running away secondhand and struggles to bring himself to talk to Sun to stop him from wanting to kill Eclipse because he doesn't want for his brother to be like him in terms of killing people. But he puts it off for far too long because of being socially inept and goes to others for advice first.
When Moon finally does try to confront Sun as a projection and tells him how Lunar moved out, Sun at first brushes it off like it's not a big deal and ignores him before going on with his hunt for Eclipse. Claiming that he also felt no remorse for killing BloodMoon and didn't hear his voice in his head like Moon said he did with the people he killed.
As this is going on, Eclipse takes over Solar Flare's body.
Moon catches up to Sun in one of their bunkers and, after fighting again, traps him inside an invisible prison and leaves him there for his own good and to chill out. Which ends up being a bad idea as Sun begins to hallucinate BloodMoon who taunts and torments him (because he actually DOES feel remorse) until he screams and manages to shatter the magic barrier with his own emotion-fueled magic.
And thus Sun continues with his plan of hunting down Eclipse while Moon magically enters his own head with one of his computer AI's along for the ride to try and get rid of KC. Unaware of the fact his brother is free or how KC is just out and about talking and hanging around with everyone while masquerading as him and realizing that he DOESN'T WANT TO KILL PEOPLE ANYMORE.
KC just wants to live and appreciate life.
BUT THEN
The creator comes out of nowhere as KC is contemplating existence in the woods to reveal how he wasn't a glitch in Moon's code as he'd told them but an INTENDED FEATURE.
Moon was made to kill people, and KC not killing people was going against the Creator's grand scheme of punishing humanity. So he utilizes his control over Moon's body's programing to instill the desire to kill in KC again and sends him off.
But KC manages to resist and makes it back to the Daycare and hunkers down in Moon's room for the next few days.
Sun, as this is going on, finds the base Eclipse is in and confronts him. But things obviously don't go as planned and he is unable to kill him in the end. Instead, Sun lets out another explosive burst of energy while attempting to save himself and ultimately destroys Moon's magic pool, which the base was built on, trapping him in his own head.
AGAIN.
He learns this from Eclipse who sends him off to find Golden Freddy and then uses the opportunity to go and look for the Star again. He decides to pay a visit to Lunar and plant a bomb in his head to use him as a bargaining chip with Monty (cause Monty has been hiding the Star up to this point) since he has a soft spot for him.
But he only goes the Lunar bait route after first trying to threaten Moon's computer AI to send him to another dimension that has a Star so he can try and steal it (unaware another dimension's star won't work outside the one it exists in). And that gets him sent to meet Nice Eclipse who sees right through his disguise and laughs in his face over his stupidity and desperation.
Thus officially starting Eclipse's Pathetic Arc.
Sun, after getting a piece of Golden Freddy's soul to use magic, returns to the site of the magic pool where Moon's circle used to be and attempts to reconstruct the circle. However, BloodMoon begins tormenting him in the form of hallucinations again and he ends up messing up and is unable to restore it. Dooming Moon to be trapped in his head forever.
Sun begins to breakdown just as Earth (who had been wandering around on her way to the daycare the entire time after she was first sent to live with Sun and Moon cause she's a bit of an airhead) crosses his path and provides him with comfort and support as he cries.
The two of them then go back to the Daycare where KC, pretending to be Moon for Sun's sake, assures him things will be fine and tells Sun to go out and buy food for his cat since the autofeeder he had for it ran out while he was off on his murder quest (Davis has catS IRL and sometimes in videos you can hear meows and him talking to said cats so they just decided to make it that Sun owns a cat to explain it sldkjsldfk)
While Sun is gone, KC and Earth talk a bit. KC once again being moved by the kindness of strangers before retreating into Moon's room again to enter his own mind and talk with Moon.
As this is going on, Eclipse threatens to blow up Lunar if Monty doesn't hand over the Star.
And Monty does.
Though it was ultimately for nothing as Eclipse then blows up Lunar in front of Monty anyway.
One of Lunar's nanomachines managed to survive tho so Monty zip zap zooms to a space station where he can rebuild him. But Eclipse materializes out of the ether and threatens him to stay on earth so he goes back, leaving Lunar to be repaired slowly.
At some point after this, Monty beats up his old con artist ex-friend and resets his memories to make him into his friend again cause he's lost everything and has abandoned all hope at this point. And thus the Monty Gator and Foxy show is born. (Which is a whole other can of worms. One aspect being that Monty has a shitty BIRTH father so I just kinda ignore everything unless it connects back to the Sun and Moon Show)
Back in Moon's head, he and KC talk things out. And, upon realizing that KC has changed for the better, Moon can no longer bring himself to kill him as planned because he doesn't want to be responsible for killing another person as KC has proven himself to be. One capable of change like he had tried to convince Sun that BloodMoon might have been capable of had they been given the chance.
Which had been an argument he had made when first trying to talk Sun out of killing Eclipse.
But the only way for both him and KC to live at this point has a 98% chance of factory resetting Moon and deleting all his memories.
So, Moon records a message for Sun and gives it to KC to give to his brother.
And then Moon is ultimately reset.
In the middle of Sun coming to terms of Moon being reset and trying to bring New Moon up to speed on who he and Earth are; Eclipse shows up just to show off and gloat how he got the Star.
But New Moon, of course, doesn't remember who he is or what the Star does so he doesn't really care.
And Sun is just completely dead inside. Especially at the reveal of Lunar being dead (Sunny boy feeling the guilt of his last conversation with him).
So Eclipse doesn't really get much satisfaction from it.
And then Eclipse enacts his new plan for the world instead of completely resetting it:
Rewriting everyone's memories so that he's the good guy and Sun and Moon are the bad guys and occasionally zapping them to random dimensions just to make their lives hell because he literally has nothing else going for him in life.
Monty managed to avoid getting his memories rewritten from being in space trying to fix Lunar at the time he did it (this is before Eclipse threatened Monty) but has to pretend like they were for the time being.
So only Monty, Earth, and the boys know the truth of what happened.
And New Moon has to relearn everything by watching all the recorded footage from his and Sun's perspective over the past couple years because he never backed himself up like Eclipse did because of KC.
Surprisingly, a lot of the old Moon is still in New Moon. But New Moon is a hella lot more considerate and kinder than his pre-amnesia self. His and Sun's dynamic having completely shifted since his reset.
He also shows more symptoms of ADHD (What Moon himself says he has) than he did originally.
As Sun and New Moon are busy picking up the pieces of the mess Eclipse made and figuring out what to do with him (and with Sun STILL VERY MUCH HALLUCINATING AND SUICIDAL AT THIS POINT BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING WITH ECLIPSE AND LUNAR AND THE LOSS OF OLD MOON), Eclipse is slowly killing himself the more he uses the star with no other plan or intention to do anything substantial with it other than making sure people still like him and making Sun and New Moon suffer because of his abandonment issues.
Eclipse legit gets mad when he appears in their room (likely intending to mock them when they return from a trip he sent them on) where he ends up encountering Earth who tries to talk to him about his feelings and psychoanalyze him.
Dude has no real plan anymore and legit considered recruiting Freddy and Toy Chica's fucking baby but got scared off by Mimic telling him it would anger Golden Freddy.
At some point, Monty also finally meets Earth and they start dating.
Which New Moon wants to punch Monty over when he finds out.
Cause this literally happens not long after they finally interact again for the first time in months since his reset. Mostly because Monty didn't ask for his and Sun's blessing first cause THAT'S THEIR SISTER.
Also New Moon and Monty became fast friends all over again. And Monty let the boys know that Lunar was still alive. He's just still in space because Puppet (THE Puppet) is supposed to retrieve him but hasn't yet.
While attempting to find out how to stop Eclipse, New Moon manages to somehow get connected to a camera in their creator's base where he and Sun learn he is just a GIANT FLOATING BRAIN along with how he's using them as a scapegoat for his greater plans.
But Sun leaves the room as New Moon learns that, in addition to that, Earth is being used as an unwitting pawn to upload incriminating files into Fazbear Entertainment's database.
Still deeming Eclipse the bigger threat at the moment, even after Sun blows up at him over how he has nothing and is pathetic the last time he tried to mess with them since getting the Star, New Moon goes to the dimension with the nice Eclipse and they discover the code that Solar Flare (who is still alive and pulling the same shit Eclipse did to Sun with refusing to be removed so Eclipse can't get himself a better body that can handle the Star's power basically all: "We die together bitch") had given him to get rid of him. And upon learning that Lunar was killed by our Eclipse, nice Eclipse agrees to help and sacrifice himself (since it would kill him too once they lure Eclipse to his dimension) on the condition that New Moon helps to repair his Sun and Moon when he's gone.
Also Monty in Nice Eclipse's dimenstion is British is basically Elon Musk.
That point really isn't important other than the jokes about New Moon and Nice Eclipse hating him but I had no idea how else to include it.
New Moon then travels to Nice Eclipse's dimension again after gathering materials to begin building the satellite that will broadcast the code to kill Eclipse (which will take him a month in Nice Eclipse's dimenstion but will only really be a week in our time). And Sun, in his current mental state, is also composing his own plans to get rid of Eclipse just in case it doesn't work out cause he wants to protect his brother and not have him sacrifice himself again.
Said plan involves creating another Star to fight him with. And findinge KC (who got his own body and is currently out exploring) cause he might have Moon's memories that would be of help.
Also Ruin DLC!Eclipse had shown up at some point via portal and is now just running around causing havoc by just existing.
He punched New Moon in the face.
And then New Moon trapped him in a karaoke booth.
But then Freddy went and let him out thinking he was saving an innocent person and now the dude ALSO wants the Star.
Ruin!Eclipse vs. Wet Dorite Eclipse when?
Upon New Moon's return to their dimension, Sun shares his plans and what he heard from Golden Freddy. New Moon hears him out but explains how that might not work but is willing to give it a shot to some extent.
But they still have to find KC first.
Which ends up being rather easy cause the dude is just going around working in soup kitchens and the like despite living off the grid.
KC explains the options that Sun and New Moon have. One of which is one of them becoming a conduit for Star energy to fight Eclipse.
However, that might kill whoever does it.
When New Moon returns to Sun he explains KC is going to stop by after they've discus and decide what it is they're going to do. But before that, Hatsune Miky (yes, I'm not kidding) appears out of nowhere and has apparently been stalking them and is one of those crazy fans who hates and blames everything that's happened in the show thus far on Sun.
Sun, who may I remind, is VERY MENTALLY NOT OKAY AND WANTS TO DIE.
At the same time this is happening, Eclipse begins plan: "Instil False Hope".
Which is just going to Earth and Gaslight Gatekeep Girlbossing her.
Though not until after encountering Puppet and trying to recruit him to his side first. But he only succeeds in making himself mad because Puppet is such a GODDAMN WEEB.
Anyway, he attempts to manipulate Earth by saying he's INCREDIBLY sorry and wants to change.
But he does it SOOOO unconvincingly and while underestimating Earth's intelligence just because she insists on being kind to him. Constantly, and not so subtly, insulting her the whole time that she's able to see right through his bull and calls him out on it. Especially when he brings up how Sun (before it was known Eclipse or BloodMoon existed and were in control of him) killed kids along with Old Moon.
She points out that if he really wanted to change, he wouldn't tell her something like that. And after her patience is tried, she tells him she's being far kinder to him than he deserves and that he doesn't really want to change or be helped. He's just pathetic and wants to make everyone as miserable as he is.
Earth then decides she and her brothers have to talk cause she doesn't know who's telling the truth anymore after Eclipse tells her to go fuck herself and, failing to teleport away, walks off.
326 notes
·
View notes
Text
Vedic Astrology Observation (based on shows/films part 3)
Very interesting how Saturn creates literal mental hardships on their natives, which can cripple their self esteem. Sometimes this theme can build or break the victim who is on the receiving end of absolute humiliation and oppression. (This applies to Capricorn, Aquarius and Saturn nakshatras. But I often see Saturn nakshatras being the oppressive figure that ignites fear in others.)
Often times, this dynamic takes place in a stress-inducing environment where the leader is a cold, brutal tyrant. One big example that popped in my head is the film Whiplash, where this cruel music teacher is played by Pushya Moon, J.K Simmons. This teacher takes this one particular student through a journey of humiliation, abuse and degradation to get the 'best results' out of him (when it's also about power imbalance for the teacher). The student being played by Aquarius Sun, Miles Teller.
youtube
Saturn sees this as a process of purification. Through extreme harshness, you become a refined diamond. But does one really have to suffer to achieve success? Mercury nakshatras, especially Revati, is where this theme becomes dismantled. Mercury calculates ways to shortcuts, basically getting ahead without extreme hardship. But it's interesting that a Saturn nakshatra native can adopt a mindset that victimizes oneself just so that the relief of success can be rewarded. The assumption that mental hardship reaps the best results out of a person. This is especially what Uttara Bhadrapada represents, self destruction & self restriction to become more 'elevated'.
Another obvious example of a film about being under a tyrant is Devil Wears Prada. Pushya Ascendant Meryl Streep portraying a ruthless, tyrannical figure who has caused a stressful work environment because of the fear she's instilled in others. And she takes this one employee who she sees potential in, and expects perfection out of her.
The performance of the character being inspired Glenn Close's portrayal of Cruella who is also a horrible, abusive tyrant of a boss who terrorizes her employees. And she's Uttara Bhadrapada Sun.
And another tyrannical, cruel and cold character I would like to name is Sue Sylvester from Glee, who is portrayed by Uttara Bhadrapada Moon and Pushya Ascendant, Jane Lynch (who randomly reminds me of Hillary Clinton who is also Uttara Bhadrapada Moon).
It's so funny that 'The Bear' shows an extremely anxiety-inducing work environment and the main lead is of course an Uttara Bhadrapada Moon. Whose unleashing rage in S1 is compared to Shia Labeouf's temper. And it's important to note that Shia Labeouf is indeed a f/cking Pushya Moon. 😭
youtube
The screaming, stress, fear of failure / fear of small mistakes and especially the humiliation that goes on in the kitchen of this series is so Saturnian themed. The environment being unhealthy and unpredictable, the mental hardship which takes toll on your self esteem. I could immediately link this whole post back to Claire Nakti's Uttara Bhadrapada video which opened my eyes in a big way (as I see endless Saturn nak themes instantly), and in real life I witness how Saturn nakshatra people are either humiliating others or they are on the receiving end of that pressure and humiliation.
Xxx
The Black Mirror episode called 'Joan Is Awful' is very Saturnian.
This character Joan is perceived as cold and cruel, which is not her intention. And she one day finds that there is a series made about her life in a very exaggerated way (without her consent). In the series mimicking her life, Joan is played by Salma Hayek who portrays her very coldly, self-centered and mean-spirited.
I like how Uttara Bhadrapada and Pushya can be interchangeable. (Pushya is ruled by the deity Brihaspati who is literally Jupiter. And Uttara Bhadrapada is Pisces which is ruled by Jupiter. Both nakshatras belong in the warrior caste, which means they're not sweet and soft as they're classified as warriors. And both nakshatras are ruled by Saturn, ofc, so all of this means they have a very, very similar temperament.)
I love to think of how Anya Taylor Joy and Charlize Theron share the same character. Anya portraying a young version of Furiosa and Charlize portraying the version we know in Mad Max: Fury Road.
And also, the theme of Joan Is Awful is the exploitation of the anatomy and life of both women (three, actually), and the humiliation they experience as their exploitation is for other people's consumption. The lack of consent which denies them of rights is very Saturnian.
Actually, it's very similar to another Black Mirror episode called Ashley O, starring Miley Cyrus who is an Anuradha Sun.
A celebrity whose anatomy is exploited for the consumption and entertainment of others, which nearly leads to her death. Saturn nakshatras and Saturn rashis may experience the stripping of one's own identity; they may experience moments where they have to make themselves feel small, where they're completely powerless, where they have to hide, or act a certain way to survive.
Also, I just finished watching the kdrama called Celebrity, and I find it so funny that the main character got called 'Modern Cinderella' because she's romantically involved with this handsome, rich CEO dude who became intrigued with her directness. She literally is Cinderella in how her father died after going bankrupt and her family adapted to a smaller life, but she still has the knowledge to run a business/factory (because her father ran factories) which she benefits from. She becomes belittled, humiliated and oppressed until she decides that to gain power is to gain respect. This particular theme is very Uttara Bhadrapada, but this character is played by Pushya Sun Park Gyu-young.
Again, I believe Pushya and Uttara Bhadrapada are interchangeable sometimes. Also, I love how she social climbs her way on top. Which is also very Saturnian. But it's important to note that the premise of the series is also Rahuvian, and the actress is a Swati Moon which is just perfect.
But yeah this is all I got, thanks for reading <3.
#vedic astrology#vedic observations#sidereal astrology#astrology#astro observation#astrology observations#pushya#uttara bhadrapada#anuradha#saturn#Pisces#Cancer#Scorpio#nakshatra series#astro observations#astrology observation#nakshatra observations#nakshatras#Aquarius#Capricorn#vedic observation
310 notes
·
View notes
Text
harry is louis’ baby fic rec masterlist part 2 :)
hi hello, so, i actually started putting together this masterlist at the end of april (since then, ‘ain’t that a kick in the head!’ has been deleted, which was on the original list. big rip) but then life just kept getting in the way. & i have like 57485 fic rec masterlists that i want to get out but i wanted to post this one first, so. here i am. i usually do 50 fics per rec list, but this is 25. so it seems i can do a (semi) shorter fic rec list. who would’ve thought? anyway, enjoy!!
a million roses (bathed in rock n’ roll) by deLILAh
i’d come across this fic a number of times before i actually read it because i don’t listen to lana del rey (thank you jennifer & @hlkings for showing me the wonders of her music) so i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to follow the storyline. but!!! worry not. that knowledge isn’t required. amazing strangers to lovers, good smut, 10/10 relationship development & individual character development
and the truth shall set you free... by @jaerie / jaerie
jaerie knows i love this fic. my friends know i love this fic. i’m pretty sure most of the world’s population knows too. the relationship development in general & portrayal of inexperienced!harry/experienced!louis is top tier. it’s interesting reading harry going through his journey, in a generally pretty accurate way (from the perspective of someone who grew up religious), so i love that it’s in harry’s pov. i love how louis goes from teasing to soft to guiding so naturally, as well.
a rose, by any other name by @canonlarry / iwillpaintasongforlou
this fic portrays protective louis so well while harry’s still independent & in charge of his own autonomy. there’s some mentions of violence in this, just a disclaimer, but it’s veryyyyy minor! really good (dark) plot twist at the end too!
a cage for every ugly spirit by sarcasticfluentry
listennnnnnnnnnnnn. this fic??? & it’s sequel???? amazing. top tier. i just love how all the different elements of religion, kink, romance, smut, etc connect
be my little good luck charm by 100percentsassy
the flirting!!!!!! my heart!!!!!!!!!! i know larry hitting it off right away is a canon trope & all that but it’s not always easy to write in a way that doesn’t feel rushed & this fic depicts that perfectly. there’s so much wonderful humor, fluffy moments & lots of domesticness.
baby we could be enough (i’ll make this feel like home) by orphan account
i am an absolute sucker for fics where either harry or louis is a single father & the other one just swoops into their life & fits. & that’s exactly how this fic is. i’m not an angst person at all, but i also love how there’s realistic angst/concerns that a single parent would have about bringing another person into their lives. other than that bit, there’s still a whole lotta fluff !!
breathless for eternity by cabinbythesea
wow another fic where they’re strangers, hit it off immediately & have the cutest dynamic!! i’m a walking cliché atp but listen, although this is mostly pwp imo, the way louis picks up on harry’s mannerisms, what he needs as a sub, how to tease, etc is beautiful???? that takes talented writing!! we love to see it?? thank you for this???
boy for sale by @ohpleaselarry / ohpleaselarry
i mean, listen. do be mindful of the tags & what not, but. at the very core, harry is simply louis’ baby & you will not be convincing me otherwise. i would absolutely die for a prequel or a sequel. the undertones throughout this fic are *chef’s kiss*
baby thinking of you keeps me up all night by ballsdeepinjesus
i am nothing if not consistent with loving famous!louis/fanboy!harry fics, alright? you gotta give me that at least. the internal struggle louis goes through throughout the majority of this fic is so funny but also so real of him??? plus, we love thigh fucking here, so. a winner in my book!
do not falter (there’s a star ahead) by @londonfoginacup / ladylondonderry
all you need in life is harry feeling safe surrounded by louis’ scent. shit, me too, harold. there’s so much cuteness in such a short lil fic & altho it’s open ended, we all know they got together & lived happily ever after, thank you v much
gotta get (me) outta my head by @parmahamlarrie / parmahamlarrie
i have severe adult adhd & the way bee wrote this is phenomenal at making anyone who has adhd feel so seen & understood. i dream about writing my struggles w adhd as wonderfully as she did. & the way louis helps harry & is there for her in just the right ways so, so fantastically done. top tier fic for sure.
heartbeat (fire on fire) by @larryficwriter / theifinlife
this fic was written for my @notjustsmutficfest & i adore it. louis being so vulnerable to comfort harry, louis’ family being so supportive, the check ins during the smut, the way harry makes sure louis is okay too??? I’M CRYING PEOPLE (also, there’s great smut, too)
i love this feeling (but i hate this part) by @lululawrence / lululawrence
i love the crack mixed with cute dynamic mixed with dealing with very real life situations. & the teasing at the end????? i cry!!! give this a read asap rocky
i’ll crash until you notice me by @aliensingucci / stylinsoncity
i love the pacing & how it brings in realistic elements of a boss/employee relationship while not taking out you out of the fic. top tier smut & dirty talk. the bar + bathroom scene??? that shit was art. also i love how much harry went to bat for the natives & kept coaxing louis to respect the culture of the buildings & all that. (like it’s the bare minimum really but i do like the fact that the fic went into that aspect & acknowledged it!)
late night talking by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything
this is simply just me continuing to not let lauren forget how much i love this fic. i could talk about this fic for hours & i’ve included this on a masterlist before but idc bc listen. the sneak dating?? the flirting?? the tension building?? there were a few plot points that kept me on my toes (everett, i’m looking at you & how long you managed to stick around for) & i respect that. i have so much more i could say about this fic but i’ll stop here so i don’t spoil anything lol.
my pleasure (to make you mine) by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche
i don’t think i’ve let zanni have a moment of peace about this fic since i read it. for that, zanni, i’m sorry. but i’m also really, really not. the way their dynamic right off the bat is so seamless & louis does his best to make harry feel comfortable is what we in the industry like to call cinema. prior to this fic i didn’t really care one way or the other about nipple play in fics & now i don’t understand why it doesn’t occur more in fics?? zanni, you’ve changed me as a woman thx bb
meow or never by velvetnoodle
as a cat lover who has attempted to discreetly bring cats home before & a louis lover, i understand harry’s dilemma. i would also do exactly what he did if given louis’ offer. i will leave it at that & will let you bask in the magic that is this fic.
no bunny but you by @crinkle-eyed-boo / crinkle-eyed-boo
this is another fic i will simply never shut up about. louis is smooth as shit??? like. i WISH a guy would do for me what he did for harry in this. there’s just so much to adore in this from the flirting, the teasing, the relationship developments, the softness, all the little plot twists. 10/10, top tier, no notes
promise not to fade away by @nobodymoves / you_explode
i adore the way this toed the line of angst & fluff so well. it’s so sweet & cute & hot & has an open/ambiguous ending that still gives you a sense of closure imo. as someone who typically is not an open/ambiguous ending fic fan, i absolutely endorse this fic.
stood up by panda_bear21
the pop punk!louis/popstar!harry (or the bad boy!louis/good boy!harry) trope will always give me the will to live. i love this fic bc it’s cute & does sexual tension well & while it does bring up closeting & general hollywood shittiness, it does a good job of making you feel like it’s not the actual focus of the plot & still leaves you with some hope, if that makes sense & i appreciate that v much
three french hems by 100percentsassy & gloria_andrews
idk if it’s because i started reading fan fics on wattpad (i mean, really my journey started w fanfiction.net & the fics that had the actual fic in the youtube description box & the video was a slideshow of pics but i digress) but i have a soft spot for smaus. & they can be....tricky (the wattpad homies know) but this is done so well & i need someone to get louis some perfectly cooked prawns pls!!!! also louis having a thing for harry’s thighs rly makes this baby a winner imo
to be a better man by @thedevilinmybrain / devilinmybrain
i have a weak spot for fics where harry or louis cheat on their significant other w each other. it’s my guilty pleasure. sue me. jen is so good at describing feelings, actions, etc to make you feel like you’re in the fic watching it happen. i adore the changes in larry’s dynamic, how smoothly it all happened, how much louis cared & understood exactly what harry needed, how easily harry gave in &let louis take care of him. i would absolutely read a part 2 of this w harry & louis together
wrapped in light, in life, in love by orphan account
i will never not be obsessed w fics that have the louis is gemma’s best friend & harry’s in love w him trope. that mixed w how easily & instantaneously harry & louis get along even after not seeing each other for years? add a dash of harry having louis’ baby & how obvious they are about their feelings for each other? GIMME
when we were young by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16
ok so this is a series, not a fic B U T i feel like you can read the fics stand alone & you can feel the vibe from each fic, but i think since they both have the ~vibe~ you just feel it all so much more when you read them together. ANYWAY. they’re so obviously smitten w each other & of course everyone else can see it but them. harry is an oblivious shit but we love him (&so does louis).
you took my heart by surprise by @loveislarryislove / livelaughlovelarry
it takes a while for harry & louis to warm up to each other, but once they do, it is just...so, so good. annika’s writing will make you feel like you’re actually experiencing the same emotions as the characters are. louis’ protectiveness & how adamant he is to not let anything get in the way of protecting harry, including himself is so heartbreakingly sweet. i cry. i adore how annika describes the emotionally conflicting emotions & situations while keeping the undertone of how much they care about & want each other. annika does not play when it comes to angst & that is a warning (although this is def not her most angst-filled fic by any means)
your heart can love again by sloganeer
this fic speaks to the famous!louis/fanboy!harry stan in me. a shocker, truly, i know! it’s so cute. i love how their relationships transitions in a way that’s quick but doesn’t feel forced & just makes sense -- the way they get domestic so quickly is simply *chefs kiss*
**friendly reminder to please leave kudos & comments on any of the fics you end up reading from this !! show the writers some love :)**
#fic recs#larry fic rec#larry stylinson fanfic#allwaswell16#thedevilinmybrain#livelaughlovelarry#crinkle-eyed-boo#kingsofeverything#zanniscaramouche#lululawrence#londonfoginacup#jaerie#canonlarry#nobodymoves#ohpleaselarry#stylinsoncity#parmahamlarrie#larryficwriter#alwaysxlarrie fic recs#alwaysxlarrie fic rec masterlist
184 notes
·
View notes
Text
Angel Dust Redesign! (7/7)
FINALLY I AM DONE WITH THE MAIN 7 FREAKS.
Depending how I feel I might throw in some bonuses but these guys are your only guarantees! Going to be posting the full lineup separately because I don’t want to clutter this post!!
God okay where to start. I was talking about them in Husk’s post so let’s go with that. Angel’s clothing restrictions are his necklace and shoes. I might go on a bit of a tangent with this so forgive me 💔
For the necklace let me get this out of the way: yes it is a BDSM thing! I’m terrified people are going to take this as me being a weirdo but please as an adult content creator give me some space to explain before anyone jumps on me and hits me with a metal pipe. The intentions behind symbolism matter HEAVILY. I am against Vivzie’s portrayal of Angel’s abuse and the chain/collar imagery because it is blatantly either her being incredibly uncreative or her inserting her kinks into her shows. I think it is completely fine to use suggestive items in this way as long as the intentions are clear and not just there for no reason.
I would’ve probably done something else like a corset as a restriction, but I’d like to stop being so shy about Angel’s actual job. He is a pornstar and removing that outward aspect of him is taking a big chunk of his character away. I need more people to acknowledge that Angel enjoys sex and actively wanted to explore this side of himself. With the slip chain however, I would also like to portray how things Angel enjoys in his job have been used against him and made him come to resent what he does when he is forced into it. I think thats a pretty understandable thing to show.
This is harder to explain but the gist of it is just don’t be afraid to acknowledge Angel’s job. It’s okay to use sexual things as metaphors. Have you heard any christian song ever/hj
Alright with that out of the way, with the shoes. Angel’s feet are a large insecurity and discomfort of his which already makes his shoes some sort of restriction on their own, however if controlled, they can be made to stumble forward, fall over, etc. I wanted to show how Angel has freedom to go mostly wherever he pleases, though once again, that free will can be taken away very quickly.
I hated his suit so all suiting is gone entirely. He’s supposed to look attractive or eye catching at the very least. I’ve also added back the outer fangs he had in my first redesign!
I am much happier with the new one in comparison to this old guy. I know it’s only a few months old but you can really see how differently I draw him and the details I pay attention to more like the shape of his hair. Aside from the old one! I wanted Angel himself to still keep the reddish pink to show wrath and destain being masked as lust, except now his clothing is actually the pinkish-purple lust colour and it covers more eye grabbing parts of his body like the chest, hands, hips, and so on.
I don’t think I’ve ever outwardly mentioned Angel having polycoria but he does and it’s probably my favourite feature to draw aside from his hair. About the hair and fur: Angel used to have spots and basic stripes before his contract with Valentino, where afterwards they began to curl into their cordiform shapes. Most physical overlord changes with hair and skin tend to not go away, so depending on who you make a contract with it’s either a fun perk or a sort of scar.
Once again, not sure if I will be continuing with anymore in this specific lineup, but if I do end up posting more of these I really hope you like those too! 💣
#hazbin hotel#hazbin critical#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critical#angel dust#hazbin angel dust#hazbin angel#angel dust hazbin#angel dust hazbin hotel#my art#hazbin rewrite#hazbin redesign#hazbin rework#hazbin hotel rework#hazbin hotel rewrite#hazbin hotel redesign#anti vivziepop#tw valentino#cw valentino#tw sa implied#cw sa implied
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
so i'm almost done with my "terror" (show) rewatch and just finished reading "terror" (book) yesterday so let me ramble lowkey about the differences
i do love of course the little character details of the book that couldn't possibly make it into the show. sir john's devotion to his "gentleman" status to the point that he stays dead silent during sex, for one, crozier getting jacked off in a pond for another. the book's meandering pace gave us lots of ship descriptions (agonizing) but also lots of time with even minor characters (peglar for one)
and so because of their respective mediums, i like each ending/portrayal of tuunbaq in its own way. in the book, it's a spirit created by a goddess, forced to wander the frozen north and feast. silna and people like her are psychic, marry other psychics to create their own tribe, their own people. this is not to control tuunbaq but simply to communicate; they leave it offerings, it doesn't kill them. the white men have no way to understand this, and so they trespass and are murdered. crozier leaves his identity behind to join these people, loses his tongue, has children by silna, and feels the honor in this choice. tuunbaq's appearance is ephemeral, difficult to explain, almost incorporeal. it isn't a monster, it's a part of the land in the same way winter is. very spiritual
in the show of course it's much more straightforward. it's a beast that can be injured, can eventually be killed, needs to be bound to a shaman that can control it. silna cuts out her own tongue to follow in her father's footsteps, instead of having lost her tongue as a child in this psychic group. it dies, agonizingly, like so many of the polar bears it resembles, yet another victim of british colonialism. silna is ostracized by her people for its death under her watch. crozier joins the netsilik without her, assimilating culturally if not on this secondary spiritual plane. obviously this makes much more sense to see on screen
the other big change is of course the health of the men. sure they SAY in the show the men are failing, and we see some of them, but the book, agonizingly (good), details every mile they haul sledges, every symptom of scurvy, a few violent deaths from botulism, blanky losing first part of his foot, then half his leg, then several wooden legs break and he calls its quits when the stump is gangrenous. the book is so clear that this takes MONTHS, it feels like months, hickey's mutiny is almost a minor footnote because they were all already almost dead by the time it occurs. the cannibalism is such a last resort that they're all half-dead by that point. it's slow, it's painful, so it all makes more... sense, almost. you FEEL their pain, this slow horrific death, the STARVATION
that said i love the death of fitzjames in the show. he's got scurvy and dies of botulism in the book, but i think it's just scurvy in the show. we see his battle scars, obtained in a colonial venture to asia, re-open and suppurate. in a very real, literal way, his past has come to haunt him, to poison him. he dies on another colonial mission, weakened by his former expeditions eating him alive, destroyed by this land that wants them dead
and from researching this show/book i got linked by some very helpful redditors to some very long articles detailing inuit descriptions of finding hms terror before it sank, so i'm excited to dip into those
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
Austin and Me
“Don’t tell me bye, bye”
“Wife to the ‘king’. Icon to the world, Destined for more.”
Summary: At 18 years old, she fell in love with Austin, at 20 years old, she became his wife, by 22, she was his doll. In which Cynthia’s life changed drastically after falling head over heels with a man that promised her the moon and the stars. She takes us down the memory lane of what could’ve been— the perfect marriage.
Inspired by the book: Elvis and Me by Priscilla Presley.
I do not condemn any of the portrayals I decide to do about certain people, it’s just fanfiction. And it would be divided in parts.
English isn’t my first language so I’m trying my best!
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Our daughter, Lori, was born at 1:30 that afternoon. I couldn’t believe she was mine, that I had birthed this child. She was so tiny, so beautiful. Austin came into the room and kissed me, thrilled that we had a healthy baby. He was already in life with her. He watched her in awe, her hair color, blonde as his, her blue eyes like ours. He watched us both with a twinkle in his eyes.
“We have a little girl.” He whispered to me.
“We sure do.” I whispered back with a slight chuckle.
I asked him if he wanted to hold her. He looked at me petrified, but then he started to touch her. He played with her small hands, her small feet. He was in complete awe.
“I can’t believe I made part of this beautiful child.” Austin always knew he wanted the baby to have light hair. “Even her hair color is right!”
We stayed close to each other for a while, caressing our infant and each other, we were just a young couple happy for the birth of their baby and the pleasures of parenthood.
Two days later, I got discharged from the hospital. I tried looking my best, I had teased my hair to make it even bigger, I did my ever-so-black eye makeup, I got dressed with the help of the nurses. It was a pink shift dress, I had some Pearl-colored heels. Austin wearing blue outfit, I could see the disapproval on his eyes. I had noticed quite lately that he was not on-board with my whole aesthetic.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked as I placed a golden cross necklace around my neck.
“Isn’t it too much?” He said as he fixed his blue turtleneck. “I mean the hair and makeup.”
“I’ve always looked like this.” I said, not understanding his rejection now.
“Yeah but— to get out of the hospital? Your hair is too big. You might as well put a whole bird nest on it.”
He didn’t understand how much his mocking affected me, so I just chuckled awkwardly and he didn’t even notice!
“I like it.” I said confidently, but he was making me feel self conscious.
His sister, Ashley, was there and she was taking pictures of us as we held our baby girl. I was a bit down already— he made me feel insecure. I smiled as the picture was taken, I then looked at him dearly. He sometimes did all these weird comments and then act as if nothing happened.
When we were back home, he had already gotten a cook, a maid and a nanny, which I accepted in our house dearly. But still— postpartum depression got me and no one really ever told me how bad it got. But I was still trying to keep myself together.
————————————
Maybe it was the stress or just the peer pressure of being a new father but he was up and down lately, he’d ignore me all the time or be very loving. Sometimes I just didn’t recognize him, and it hurt.
“Cyn!”
He called me into his office, he did his research for characters there. I was getting dressed, fixing my gold bracelet. I picked up the small Lori in my arms, I walked to his office “Yes?”
“Cyn, I’ve been thinking. I-I have to have time to— think. Things aren’t just going good between us. It’ll be okay if you and I took a little time off, like a trial separation. Be apart from one another for a little while.”
I wanted to kill myself, my eye twitched a little bit, I had literally our week-old baby in my arms right now. This was not the man I knew,
“What? What did I do?” I asked, it had to be a joke.
“Nothing, you did nothing wrong, baby. It’s not you. It’s just that I’m going through some things. I think it’d be better if we took a little break.”
A break? I had just given birth to our baby, a break would make me sink in more into my melancholia. But it he didn’t want me now, then he’d get so. I nodded, finding a bit of strength on being the actual mother of his child.
“You’ve got it. You just tell me when to leave.” I said as I walked out of his office. Instinctively, Austin shot up from his office chair, he knew he had fucked up big time.
“Cyn! I didn’t mean so!” He shouted from his office. I just didn’t understand him, did he want me or did he want me not? He confused me a lot and during that postpartum time, it really hurt me. He made me cry a lot.
I ignored him calling my name and went upstairs to our room. I don’t think he ever intended to leave me. It wasn’t his style. Two days had passed. The idea of a trial separation was never mentioned again. We both acted as if nothing had been said, it was during times like this when I wished both Austin and I could actually have good communication, that we’d confront our insecurities, fears and frustrations instead of pretending they weren’t there.
I could not escape the impact his words had on me, leaving me with a sense of doubt.
————————————
I often cooed Lori, she was so small, I’d talk to her softly. It was like she had sunlight in her hair, stars upon her eyes, she was perfect. On the locket Austin gave me on out first Valentine’s Day together, I placed a small picture of Lori too, so I had her and Austin near my heart.
While I was getting ready for bed, Austin cleared his throat from the doorframe.
“Can we talk, baby?” He said softly. I simply nodded as I finished combing my hair. “I’m so damn sorry bout what I said a few days ago. That wasn’t me— my thoughts and frustrations got be best of me.”
I looked at him, why was he making me so emotional? Maybe it were the hormones? I couldn’t guess but I couldn’t stay mad at those beautiful blue eyes. Especially when he unintentionally made pouty lips.
“It’s okay— I’m also very down lately. I’ve been holding myself back from snapping at anyone close to me.” I chuckled, I shouldn’t be so forgiving because that would come back to bite me.
We fell asleep together, our baby in between us, I’ve never felt this sort of loving before but that’s what happens to me. When I’m happy, I think it’ll last forever.
#spotify#austin butler#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler fic#austin butler imagine#austin butler x reader#austinbutler#elvis and me#priscilla presley
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
34. you’re the one that i want
[ synopsis ] choi beomgyu has spent his entire senior year slacking off and causing mischief. but, due to his inattentiveness, his slacking off went too far and if he doesn't improve the grade in his literature class he'll guarantee himself a seat in summer school. yn has big dreams to be on stage and star on broadway. however, she needs to impress recruiters with one last production as the lead in order to earn herself a spot in a new york based school. when beomgyu's literature teacher makes him join their drama club for extra credit, their futures quickly become intertwined and dependent on each other.
[ note ] she’s a long one ouu (1.2k words) enjoyyyy 🫢
taglist: @heyanonymous123 @flrtsbin @anonella22 @chocorenchin @gyuszie @flowerbe0m @kaikamalover @n034sy @iactaid @suzirumas @pupkashi @choi-beomgyulvr @hearts4hanni @naveries @wccycc @wonioml @burminq @a55hie @wildesreblogs @kaewonie @online--princess @alixox @minkyungseokie @moa4lifeee @yeehawnana @peakaboostuff @txtistheloml @sieuneo @weyrrii @cookiehaos @vianna99 @akari-saka13 @crystal-jellies @veryjeongintxtkid @reiloml
Today’s rehearsal was a long awaited one. Everyone in the club had been anxiously waiting for today’s scenes to come, because it wasn’t just YN’s and Beomgyu’s friends aware of their dynamite chemistry. Everyone within a mile radius could see the way they looked at each other was more than just two costars playing lovers. They played the part a little too well.
“We’ll run from ‘You’re the One That I Want’ through ‘We Go Together’, okay?” Mr. Kim announced. He sat with Mr. Park in the auditorium seats, ready to observe this run through for any mistakes or needed changes.
Thus far, very little has needed to be changed or corrected to their surprise. Mr. Kim’s project student, Beomgyu, had proved himself to be a star player and quite the talented performer. His vocal and dance abilities revealed themselves like hidden powers at the climax of a film. Beomgyu actually had an affinity for performing, specifically music. He just never let anyone know. Not even his best friends.
As soon as the music began for You’re the One That I Want, everyone’s eyes fell on Beomgyu as he started the number. He quickly became a club favorite with his deep, melodic vocals and personality that shined through his portrayal of Danny Zuko.
I got chills, they’re multiplyin’
His voice echoed through the auditorium as he began removing his letterman, gaze never leaving YN’s face. No one could really tell if Beomgyu was just acting sometimes. The way he looked at YN like she was the most precious gift made even observers swoon. People swore up and down they could see his irises turn heart-shaped upon seeing YN.
“It’s electrifyin’!” Beomgyu exasperated, falling to his knees in front of YN.
YN gently nudged him back by his chest with the sole of her heels. Her movements were sultry but preppy, encapsulating both sides of Sandy’s character. Beomgyu loved watching her dance almost as much as he loved hearing her sing. She was a phenomenal performer and he had the pleasure of being her front row audience. Her siren-like vocals filled his ears, entrancing him in a lovesick daze he never wanted to leave.
“‘Cause I need a man,” YN sang, walking towards Beomgyu. She placed a hand on his chest as they swayed to the beat together, her smile beaming up at him as his hands found purchase at her hips, “And my heart is set on you.”
At this point, even crew members took a moment to stop working on sets and costumes to watch the two on-stage lovers. It was undeniable how naturally they fit together. Almost like they were meant to be together from the start. If people were to be honest, Beomgyu’s casting worried them at first. But, seeing how he’s blossomed and how perfect he and YN were, they can’t imagine anyone else as their Danny Zuko.
You’re the one that I want, Ooh, Ooh, Honey
Extras and crew alike found themselves dancing in place, smiles across their faces as they watched Beomgyu and YN dance across the stage and through the makeshift carnival set. The way they danced together like no one was around, reminiscent of a real couple finding joy in each other’s company. That joy was infectious.
The one I need, Oh yes indeed
The number ended, YN pressed against Beomgyu’s chest and his hands firmly against the small of her back. They were only slightly out of breath, smiles forever unfaltering. How could they not smile when they locked eyes and swore they could see all the stars?
“Now the ring,” Mr. Kim called, bringing their attention back to the scene.
Beomgyu pushed YN away a few steps, taking his prop ring off his finger and holding it up for her to take.
“Hey Sandy,” he began. “I still have my ring. Do you want it?”
YN beamed, taking the ring and placing it back on her finger like the first time. “Of course I do!”
And just like that, the auditorium grew quiet. Everyone on the edge of their seats because this was it. This was the moment they had been waiting for since the cheek kiss.
This was YN and Beomgyu’s first real kiss.
YN looked up at Beomgyu, heart racing so fast she could’ve sworn it was about to burst out her chest. A slight dust of rose colored Beomgyu’s cheeks as he reached out to cup her cheek, pulling her closer little by little until the air between them was exhausted.
Beomgyu would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about this moment for days. The closer they got to the red tab he used to mark the scene, the stronger the butterflies in his stomach got. Ever since she kissed his cheek, Beomgyu wondered what it would feel like to kiss her lips himself. He couldn’t help his smile as he felt YN clutch the fabric of his shirt. Their eyes fluttered closed, their steady breaths coming to a halt as their lips finally met after weeks of pining.
When people imagine a first kiss, they expect fireworks and all these exciting, explosive sensations. But, there were no fireworks. Not for YN and Beomgyu. What they felt was different. It was mind-numbing and overwhelming, but in the most soothing way possible. A feeling of silk clouds against their skin, so soft and airy. The spring breeze blowing gently across their faces, filling their senses with faint smells of sweet flowers and fresh cotton. Warmth, comfort, enchanting. It felt like home.
Beomgyu moved his lips against hers, taking in every soft curve and her vanilla-flavored lip balm. His hand moved slowly up her jaw, his middle finger tucking itself behind her ear and his pointer resting along her temple. His other hand found refuge at the small of her back, pulling her as close as he possibly could. His breathing soft as he melted into the warmth of YN’s lips and touch.
It felt like an eternity. Just them. The rest of the world on pause while they relished in the moment. YN felt like her knees were going to buckle any second. Her hands found their place on Beomgyu’s chest, balling into fist and scrunching up bits of the fabric of his shirt, pulling on him ever so slightly. She didn’t want him to leave. Not now. Not for a while. He was sweet, her tongue running along his bottom lip tasting her own lip balm that had smothered itself over his. Their lips moved in sync, molding together like dough. YN parted her lips only slightly, allowing Beomgyu to slip in his tongue and dance with hers. She hummed, content washing over her as she allowed herself to be vulnerable to him and only him. Only to Choi Beomgyu.
When they pulled apart, the chill in the auditorium felt like a slap making the hairs on the back of their necks stand up. They didn’t realize how cold it was until now. They blinked their eyes open slowly, beholding each other’s cheeks flushed red and hot to the touch. Beomgyu’s pupils shook, searching for an inkling of YN’s thoughts in her own survey at him. He wanted to know if she felt what he felt. If she was thinking what he was thinking. If she wanted to say the same thing he wanted to say.
You’re the one that I want.
<< prev | masterlist | next >>
#tomorrow x together#txt#beomgyu#beomgyu angst#beomgyu au#beomgyu fluff#beomgyu imagines#beomgyu scenarios#beomgyu social media au#beomgyu x oc#beomgyu x reader#choi beomgyu#beomgyu x y/n#txt scenarios#txt imagines#txt aus#txt fluff#txt angst#txt social au#txt socmed au#txt au#txt social media au#choi soobin#choi yeonjun#kang taehyun#huening kai#hueningkai#taehyun#soobin#yeonjun
167 notes
·
View notes
Text
I prefer not to sound harsh, but Miraculous has become a fandom where I find more enjoyment in reading fanfics than watching the show. It feels like there's a lack of effort or an attempt to justify and rearrange elements, often ignoring past seasons and assuming the audience won't notice. The handling of Derision is a notable example, with more astute critics than me delving into their dissatisfaction and the evident retcons.
I didn't anticipate the show going to such lengths as portraying Gabriel as someone deserving of a statue, and it left a sour taste in my mouth to see the hero endorsing it. Adrien/ChatNoir's portrayal has become quite pitiful, with a peculiar shift where Ladybug takes on a significant role in the Agreste Saga despite her absence from that narrative. Ladybug, who isn't even part of the Agreste Saga, is the one delivering heartfelt moments. The decision to sideline Adrien and put him out of commission is disappointing. It's his story yet she the one who has to make it about her. She gets to shine along with a cool costume to boot.
There's a palpable bias from Astruc against Chloe, evident in the show's treatment of her character. Despite her being manipulated by Gabriel Agreste, the narrative blames her for becoming mayor, and the absurdity of the situation is magnified when everyone in the story goes along with it. The inclusion of a scene in Revolution where Chloe is crying is perplexing and frustrating, as it seems to perpetuate the negative and irredeemable image the show consistently paints of her. The added layer of her mother being horrid to her intensifies my annoyance, especially when sympathetic scenes are presented in a seemingly contradictory manner.
I mean you want her to be the worst but yet she has scenes like this? Why not go all the way wtf. Why give her depth only to take it away and then make her be so demonized in s5 and act like she was like this from the start. When she's been a joke
I hate to be critical, but seriously, it's hard to ignore how the Miraculous universe is just dripping with untapped potential. Five seasons in, and the movie outshines the show effortlessly. It makes you wonder about the writers' team and their approach—seems like they're just coasting on low effort for profit, and somehow, it's working, thanks to Miraculous inexplicable popularity.
The show's been beating the monster-of-the-week horse for five long seasons, lacking any creativity in crafting interesting villains. Gabriel, honestly, feels like a starter villain, and if they're going to make him the big bad, can we at least get some villains with a bit more pizzazz? You know craft creative interesting villains? KNDS, Original PPG, Totally Spies they got it so why not Miraculous. It's so damn tiring seeing the same old song and dance with Gabriel 24/7 monologuing to his wife and releasing the akuma I thought Mayura would be important but she's barely there.
It's not even an excuse kids do deserve better entertainment so why should Miraculous lower its standards. Marinette is very weird to me as the protagonist because her lovelife is more focused over everything I gauged her well enough to know about her that the rest of the secondary needs more of a spotlight to be cast on them. I like her but am I the only one who just skips when she starts the whining about Adrien and her plan to again get together it was cute at first now I fast forward to the more interesting part of the episode because it irks me i'm tired okay... what other facet of her character do the writers focus on besides her love life? I hope I don't appear to salt on her but Imma tag it just in case. I think she's in neutral treading to dislike because how can I come back from her gaslighting her boyfriends I'm sorry I can't.
You know what I'm afraid of that if Lila gonna be the next big bad they'll just recycle everything from Gabriel onto her. We'll have the same akumatizations same monster of the week formula only this time it's Lila.
I trust more in the fanfic community to come up with a better substantial plot than Miraculous could ever be. I know romance is a big part but the lore is so damn little it's season 5 are they ever going to expand more in the later seasons lol.
I'm tired from writing this long. Imma go to bed now.
57 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
andrew-butfree
Andrew-but free
the-soulwhispers
The soul whispers
andrew-butfree
Andrew-but free
besttwitterpacksforyou-blog
Best Twitter packs For You
prabhbassi0007
Untitled