Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #90

I'm not really sure what to write to you about today. I think I might have overextended myself in recent days, and once more I'm finding that my brain feels like soup. The sense of not really belonging in this place is hitting me kinda hard today, I guess. Suppose you would know a lot about what that's like.

Truth is, I struggle often enough with the way I perceive the world around me. I do it weirdly (much like how I do literally everything else... sigh...). I'm not gonna bother to articulate how, though; I doubt you'd be interested anyway. Fact remains that there ain't a whole lot of folks I can talk to about it; even if I could, most wouldn't understand, so why bother. Suppose it is what it is though; no sense in bellyaching. I just wish that it was a thing that could be measured, recorded, corroborated. Something that could be rationalized, explained, made logical. My mind tends to despise uncertainties; it likes everything to be concretized and nailed down.

…Ah well.

Like yesterday, today was busy, and also painful, thanks to Physical Therapy. There's weird stuff going on with the right side of my jaw, and the muscles holding it together needed to be mashed up with metal implements. I guess I'm gonna need braces sooner rather than later, because I really needed braces as a kid, but I didn't get 'em, and now my bite is all messed up, which means now my jaw is all messed up, and having the jaw messed up pulls on the neck, which then pulls on the ribs, and my ribs being weird is why I've been dealing with limited ability to use my right arm for the last almost two years to begin with, but I hesitate to get it fixed because braces cost a LOT of money, and I think most insurances won't cover the cost of it this late in life, so… it's a mess.

My whole existence is kind of a mess in a variety of respects, and… ya know. Sometimes I'm not sure why I bother persisting when all of it seems kind of like a farce; I live in a defective body on a dying planet where everyone is so traumatized that lots of 'em believe that killing each other is the answer to all their problems. Sometimes I just... don't wanna. Waking up in the morning in a world where there is no ethical way to maintain the integrity of my physical vessel seems like a chore.

…But then I remember that there are people who like having me around, even if I can't understand why most of the time. So I gotta believe that something good might come of my derping around on this mossy wet rock hurtling through space, even if I don't yet know what it is.

You ever get the feeling like there's something you're supposed to be doing, but you have no idea what it is, and you're running out of time? Feels like that almost constantly for me. If you know what that's like and know how to deal with it, lemme know, willya? I could use some pointers.

In the meantime… there's some stuff I've been meaning to learn how to do. I'm not gonna tell you what it is just yet, because it would ruin the surprise. But I hope the results will be good, if I can stop being intimidated long enough to get the gumption.

Anyway… Sephiroth. My brain continues to be soup. I think if I keep going, I'm just gonna keep rambling. I'm tired, but… I wanted to write anyway, because you're worth others' effort, even when they're feeling weird. But it's time to stop for today, because I'm having trouble staying on topic and stringing cohesive ideas together.

Please stay safe out there, okay? I don't wanna endure your absence, just like the folks who love me don't wanna endure mine. So let's both keep trying our best to keep our chins up and our eyes on the horizon, okay?

I'll leave you with this today:

I know you're not a little girl, so maybe you can think "little one" instead. Please take the overall message to heart. Please do your best to remain kind and gentle, no matter what tries to come along and break you.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

this consciousness is uniquely mine no matter how strange about myself i may feel sometimes

jason in titans tower staring at bruce: how’d you know i was alive old man?

bruce: robin - tim - is an avid follower of your tumblr blog that has mysteriously updated after years of you being deceased

tim: mhm, at mrsbennetluvr88 started quoting hamlet and titus andronicus after years of radio silence, it was the only rational conclusion

jason: … at least you know your shakespeare…

The Justice League finds out about the Anti-Ecto Acts, and Batman is the driving force behind condemning them. He even goes so far as to summon popular ghost hero Phantom for advice, given that his son, Red Hood, would absolutely fall under those Acts. Phantom...tells him he's wrong.

Red Hood is 100%, completely and totally alive. Same soul, same body, sort of the same person. Only 'sort of' because people change as they grow, so obviously he isn't going to be the same person he was when he was fifteen.

There's not a trace of ecto in him, or in any of the Bats. None of them are even liminal.

Batman asks if he's sure. If he's really, really sure. Because ghosts run on emotions, and Red Hood came back extremely violent and irrational.

"Well yeah, of course he did," Phantom deadpans, and Batman suddenly feels very, very small under that glare. "He was murdered, unavenged, told that there was no way he was the same person when he came back pissed, and had his words as a victim ignored. I'd get violent too. Look, I gotta go, but thanks for getting the Acts removed."

Some dadow au doodles while I cook up some stuff for the Moonlight au gahhh

What advice do you have for someone who feels lost in life?

I freak out about this constantly. I find It's best to just live your life one hour, one minute, even one second, at a time. stare at the veins in a flower. look at a river. people watch. remember you are a small fragment but in the luckiest way possible. hug yourself anon don't let the rules of society make you feel lost when the point of existing is to just be

It's incredibly weird (and telling) that Helaena's grief and trauma is centred over Jaehaerys's actual death in most mentions of Blood and Cheese. It's especially weird and telling that her grief and trauma is then weaponized against Rhaenyra, and lamented in a way that Rhaenyra's grief and trauma is not. That she's upheld as an innocent and a victim in a way Rhaenyra is not.

Because if Daemon had ordered Blood and Cheese to simply kill Helaena, an adult who claimed the title of "Queen," an active participant in talks in the books, and an enemy combatant whose massive war dragon made immediately ending the coup by seizing King's Landing too dangerous, he would have been 100% ethically correct.

Some creatures are more difficult to perceive than others

Keep thinking of Buck and Bucky's perception of Rosie through their eyes. When they meet him, Rosie's a great pilot, has been training gunners for ages and knows his way around a plane well - but has yet to see any combat. He's that wide-eyed kind of hopeful that he can make a difference.

When they meet him again by the end of the series, Rosie's gone on to fly 52 missions. He's well and truly past his first tour, and well into his second. The rest of the 100th adore him and respect him as a leader; and Rosie adores them all right back.

Despite all of that, Rosie still seems like the same person - undemonstrative, and a little more heaviness to his shoulders perhaps, but that wide-eyed hope that I can make a difference hasn't faded.

miquella when his twin dies so he replaces her with a lookalike by the name of messmer the impaler (my prediction for the dlc)

Malenia dreaming while holding Miquella’s hand makes me think she’s dreaming with him. Which means Miquella and Malenia were chillin in the dream and then she just *poof* disappears

Miquella like “huh? I guess she had to use the bathroom or something” meanwhile her:

It's me, I'm man.

christmas with no limits

really, this art was all an excuse to show you this image. i miss when old movie promo photos were awkward as shit.

the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger

u have got 2 realize that vashwood is sick and twisted freak love. theyre freak people ok vash is like "well yes i know this guy is going to betray me and break my heart and probably he is trying to get me killed but i forgive him <3" and wolfwood (while trying not 2 explode out of Sheer Rage) Is like "on WHAT grounds are u forgiving me i never said sorry and i never will. u insane dumb BITCH im trying to hurt you!!!! im going to deliver u to the WORST FATE POSSIBLE u should NOT be forgiving me u should be trying 2 kill me and frankly i would let u" and vash is like "i have thought about that and i have decided <3" and wolfwood goes thru all 700 stages of grief abt this stupid idiot goofball man that somehow makes him believe in everything and also makes him want to set the entire world on fire permanently and then drag both of them into the flames. they are NOT normal abt each other. they would Rather Die than talk about it. theyre weird little freaks and i love them

i wanted to weigh bad faith readings vs how clumsy the writing in Weapons Factory actually was to make people dislike luminara so much and. wow. she literally falls to her knees and despairs when she thinks barriss is dead.