Sometimes...characters being in a romantic relationship is worse.

My Love Story With Yamada-kun At Lv 999 Is A Romance You Should Definitely Watch (Anime Review)

If there’s a studio that can capture romance well, it’d be Madhouse. The way they animate romantic scenes in anime is immaculate. I absolutely loved My Love Story!! And how romance was animated in Cardcaptor Sakura and Bibliophile Princess (which I still need to finish). My Love Story With Yamada-kun at Lv. 999 is a prime example of well-animated romantic scenes and fluffy, colorful animation.

My Love Story With Yamada-kun at Lv. 999 is a shoujo romance story between gamers. 20-year-old college student Akane Kinoshita gets dumped by her boyfriend one day as he fell for another girl over the internet. In an attempt to get him back, she attends a game event, trips and meets a handsome guy named Akito Yamada who picks up her shoe. Akane learns three things about him: 1. He’s Afro Yamada from FOS, the game she plays and the focus of the event she is attending; 2. He’s a well-known gamer that her ex-boyfriend ignores her when he sees them together; 3. Yamada is an 18-year-old high school student. Does that stop Akane from falling for him? Nope. She falls for him because that is the point of the story!

I’ll address the elephant in the room first. I’ve seen people on social media berate the age difference between the two leads because one is a college student and the other is a high school student. 18 and 20 isn’t a big gap, contrary to Twitter’s belief. A two year age difference is nothing special. There are a lot of pairs with a two year age difference. There’s no difference in maturity levels as both characters are mature in their own ways. There is nothing problematic with this story or the characters. If you think a two-year age gap is weird, then maybe you’re the weird one…

In all honesty, I really like the premise of having gamers fall in love. In today’s society, gaming is the trend, so it was clever of the author to ride on that and to make a romance out of it. I think the way this story was written is actually crafted well from a writer’s perspective. Akane isn’t shown to be a nerdy gamer; she plays games casually and is fashionable and pretty. It shows that anyone can play games and it shows in Episode 3 where Akane meets up with her guild members that aren’t Yamada in real life. They range from a handsome bespectacled 19-year-old college student Eita who catfishes as the guild master Rurihime, his gremlin younger sister Runa who’s in middle school and strawberry farmer Takezo Kamota who’s much older than all of them. It shows that anyone of all ages can enjoy games and that there’s no shame in doing so.

Sure, there are conflicts every now and then like Akane not being over her boyfriend, Runa getting jealous and protective over her circle of friends that she had to trick Akane, and Yamada’s classmate Tsubaki having a crush on him, but they all get resolved efficiently and without the need to drag out time. I actually like that! Sometimes, shoujo and romance animes can be hard because some conflict drag out and ruins the flow (I’m looking at you, Kimi ni Todoke with your Kento/miscommunication plot point). 

The characters are all nicely written for a romance anime. Akane is a twenty-year-old girl and a college student. While she is the older one in her relationship with Yamada, that doesn’t mean she’s mature. She has problems and issues that most young girls face like not getting over rejection, being overly trusting and overthinking. People would think, “Oh, you’re an adult, you have to start acting like one”. Adulthood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows as people might expect and Akane proves that. College students are dumb and a mess; I would know because I was dumb and a mess at that age. I also like the fact that she does have dating experience. Akane, in general, is a fun character and a good shoujo lead; I think wasted/drunk Akane is the most hilarious thing ever. I love that she has different outfits! They’re all so cute and a few look like something I’d wear casually!

Yamada is rather mature for a high school boy. However, as a gamer, he’s rather unrealistic because most gamers I’ve seen are loud, constantly online, and probably lacks a love interest. How often do you see a tall, handsome gamer who treats women well? How often do you meet such a gamer guy outside of gaming? Despite his rather unrealistic qualities, I do think that he and Akane match well because of their personality differences and just how kind and respectful they are to each other. Yamada is only awkward with romance and girls because he had hurt someone in the past and doesn’t want to step out of his boundaries to hurt anyone again. I guess my only gripe with Yamada would be that he’s voiced by Kouki Uchiyama who’s voiced dozens of characters similar to him so it’s to be expected that he’d voice this guy too (this is the fourth anime I’ve seen that has him in the cast; three of them are the same character with black hair and one is a marmot); it’s not a bad thing to be typecasted since it is a job for voice actors. I do like Uchiyama a lot! I just feel like it’s to be expected in a way?

I do like how Eita has the qualities to be the second lead, but he’s not. He’s mainly in the story to be supportive and help our main duo get together. He’s a long time friend of Akito’s. Eita’s probably my favorite character in this anime because of how entertaining he is. When his identity as Rurihime is revealed, he goes on and on about his relationship with Rurihime (he just likes playing as a female character in general) and doesn’t think him being a catfisher is weird. Yeah, you do you, Eita! I do like how he’s a good big brother to Runa; he scolds her when she does something bad, but he is generally caring and supportive of her. He’s also somewhat of a big brother to Akito since he’s a year older than him. Eita is a vital character in this story because he’s the reason why Akane is in the guild and why Akane and Yamada eventually got together.

Runa looked to be a romantic rival at first, but she’s just a lonely girl with no friends. She’s protective of Yamada and such because she doesn’t want change in her life and just wants things to be the same. Although the prank she played on Akane was bad and dangerous, she does get Akane’s forgiveness by becoming her friend, which Runa enjoys and appreciates. She’s a definitive younger sister character with her snark and sassiness. She’s also a very timid character as she gets nervous easily. I’m glad that she is someone that I got to warm up to in the anime and that she doesn’t continuously play pranks on Akane to kick her out of the guild. My only gripe with Runa is that her game avatar doesn’t appear once in the anime. What does it look like? I want to know!

Kamota is the last of the major Chocorabbit guild members (before Tsubaki’s arrival) and is the oldest. He’s such an adorable character. I think the fact that he’s an older character, thus has so many connection makes realistic sense. If you don’t know, being an older Asian person means you know practically everyone in your community; my parents are like this as they practically know a lot of people in the Korean community where I live. He was yelling at the creepy suit guy in Episode 5 (voiced by OnoD) and telling him that he has a lawyer friend was peak. He’s also hilarious in the FOS world where his character is a tiny fuzzball, but when in battle, he grows ten times bigger and becomes the OP-est member. It’s a waste to not see what his avatar’s powered up self looks like.

Of the side characters, I think Momo is my favorite because she’s so supportive of Akane. While she does envy Akane at times, it’s more of a friendly kind. She’s always supportive of her and is her biggest emotional support when things look bad for her. I do hope she gets the boyfriend of her dreams.

Okamoto and Tsubaki are Yamada’s friends from school. Tsubaki’s role is that she has a crush on him, but is also a gamer. She joins Chocorabbit a bit later in the anime and does get along with Akane. Okamoto is comic relief. I do want to see more of his friends, honestly. They do seem like good people for Yamada to hang out with them constantly.

The voice acting is pretty good since they get a good mix of well-known voice actors in the cast. Inori Minase and Kouki Uchiyama play the leads while Natsuki Hanae, Ai Kakuma and Nobuo Tobita are the supporting cast. That’s pretty solid all around. I think the two most standout voice actors are Ai Kakuma and Nobuto Tobita. Kakuma has two roles in the anime: Rurihime and Runa. The fact that she voices both characters differently shows off her talent. Rurihime has a cute tone befitting an avatar while Runa is soft-spoken with a lot of snark and grouch. Tobita’s voice as Takezo is really good. He voices him adorably but when things get dire, he changes his tone to a deeper one. I really liked the way he voiced his avatar character the most.

The music in the anime’s good. The music used in the romantic scenes is so soothing and brings out the vibe so well. The opening and ending songs are good too! You can’t go wrong with Kana-boon!

There’s nothing I particularly disliked about this anime, which is good! I totally recommend this anime to anyone wanting to watch romance animes. Heck, this has become one of my favorite romances now. I’m glad I was able to watch it and enjoy it! I think there should be more college-themed romances or even gimmicky ones like gamers falling in love. This is the last of the Spring 2023 animes I’ve watched, so I’m glad to finally be able to review this. What are your thoughts on this anime if you have seen it?

I miss Fictif, but it was far from flawless

I actually got into this series because of "The Arcana" (plus romance games don't often let you play as anything other than a female lead), but I found that even though I liked it's potential, it fell short a lot of the time, either romantically or story-wise. I'm obviously disappointed that I can't customize my character's appearence, but I think I'm in the minority with that one. Allow me to list my grievances and nit-picks with the app.

In general--Female routes are short and underdeveloped. I don't even romance women IRL, but this was just sad. Anika, Tess, Valentina, and Celia are the only female love interests to have solo routes while the rest are in one-route stories--and Valentina didn't even get a route before Dorian took over and effectively stopped updating the app!

"Two Against the World"--As much as I love Nicky, this story turned me off as a gay male player. The writing feels female-coded, and no acknowledgement of the stigma of two men being in a relationship in 1920s New York is ever mentioned. It'd make more sense if the setting was INSPIRED by 1920s New York, but in reality was a completely different location--but that wasn't the case. It felt like a big mifire in storytelling.

"Heir to Love & Lies"--I cannot overstate how much of a disappointment this story was. In both Sergio and Chava's route, Chava starts off very friendly and sweet before becoming aggressive and secretive. This doesn't really make any sense since he's your childhood best friend and (spoiler) he doesn't kill La Dama Rosa in either route. Plus in Chava's route, Aurora becomes very cruel and blames us for getting her family (re)involved with the cartel, even though in actuality she involved us--a point Chava tells us to let go, and then we apologize. For what?! And the end of Sergio's route is confusing, as you go through a dream sequence where he either kills you and takes your money or you get him arrested for killing La Dama Rosa. I think it's supposed to represent your fears and mistrust of him and symbolize how you need to let your concerns go if you wanna marry him, but it feels uncomfortable since it's not explained well at all. It felt like we just saw the future and we said "I don't care." Plus he asks us stuff about kids, our wedding, and where we'd live, and he took NONE of my decisions into account for the final chapter.

"Roadkill"--I was SO confused on what was the result of the wish and what wasn't. Did Douglas' wish create werewolves, vampires, and witches along with zombies? Or did they already exist before the zombie wish? If it's the latter, there's no need to involve zombies. Plus Howie's amnesia arc in the last chapter was rushed and unnecessary, while Poe came off as judgmental and snarky and Tess' route was short and rushed.

"Catch Me in Miami"--I couldn't get into Miguel because he was so obviously a bad boy and I don't do bad boys. Maybe if he was more coy about it like Nicky than being obvious about it, I'd be into him.

"For the Love of Gods"--Great potential, but rushed and I DESPISE how we're forced to romance everyone. Why can't I just choose how many people I'm interested in?

"Ghosted"--Probably my least favorite story. Jesse's ghost story does sound interesting, but his personality and how rushed it was ruined it for me.

"Hollywoodland"--Rushed, but it had great potential.

"Snow Falling in Love"--It felt like a waste not to tie this with "Roadkill" due to Sawyer's involvement, and Elise was CRAZY obsessed with us.

"Courting the Crown"--Beautiful Potential, but again, rushed, rushed, rushed.

"The Last Legacy"--Probably the best plot of them all, but Felix and Sage weren't my type physically or personality-wise; I'd rather go for Felix's dads.

I didn't include other stories because they either weren't finished or I didn't complete them.

Thoughts of the S3 Polin? I love them and I'm so excited

i'm clearing out this inbox of mine... and i haven't properly ranted about this in a while, so... yeah. So if you're excited about S3 and don't want to hear anything negative, this may not be the post for you. (I'd classify it as bittersweet, maybe.)

I still HATE the idea of Polin being S3. I hated it when it was rumored, I hated it when it was announced, and even if I've now accepted that it's happening, I still think it was a TERRIBLE decision and actively ruins some of the elements of Polin I love the most (Namely: two characters growing up individually until they're in the right time and space to fall in love and grow together; the spinster and the bachelor; Penelope being successful for a DECADE at LW before being ready to move on; Colin enjoying his travels but being ready to settle down.)

But here we are.

Ignoring the past two weeks, I've been pretty pessimistic about S3. For me, in order to LOVE a romance I need to LOVE both individual characters. I can still like and enjoy a romance if that isn't the case, but with Polin - a book ship that is one of my all time favorites - I had high expectations in S1. My expectations post-S2 were pretty much on the floor because Show!Pen and Show!Colin - while not terrible characters in any way - are not MY characters, or at least not the ones I would die on a hill defending. In addition, while I do not care about plot in the slightest (and therefore do not care about the - frankly, sparse - RMB plot being done away with) I DO care about vibes and keeping characters in character. I love fic, obviously, but I love IN CHARACTER fic... and the show is wildly OOC fic right now. Not my cup of tea. So... really, in the end, I'm just here to support Nicola and Newts. I have always believed that S3 would be wildly popular, eaten up by the casual audience, and generally well-loved... I just felt that S3 wouldn't be my all time favorite season with my all time favorite couple as Show!Polin had the potential to be (especially if it had been S4 and had gone through with the actual slowburn, individual character development route).

Now, ever since TUDUM and some of the interviews that have come out... I wouldn't say I'm cautiously optimistic, but I am choosing to have more of an open mind and be open to the possibility that I might enjoy the main romance without having to turn my brain off. I know there are probably going to be things I dislike/despise (jealous/possessive Colin, Pen not apologizing to Marina, Marina dying, an overemphasis on the sex and not enough on the friendship, Colin's costuming, etc. who knows what else) but I know I will enjoy watching Nicola and Newts play these characters on my screen (the stills had me giddy!)

More importantly, while I try not to read TOO much into interviews, everything Nicola and Newts have said about the season so far does give me hope about Penelope and Colin as individuals. Again, I don't care about the plot. The quotes? Are fun! I'm definitely really happy about "you're my mess" and any other book quotes/scenes were get. But hearing Nicola talk about how Penelope needs to grow up, how she's terrible with men, how she's made mistakes.... hearing Newts talk about how S3 is basically a different Colin... THAT is what gives me hope. Because for me, I am always drawn to character-driven romances but it's hard to be invested in that romance if you're not invested in the characters. And again while Show!Pen and Show!Colin are fine, I really miss their book characters and hearing that they both might be GROWING into their book selves (especially Colin, imo, bc Show!Pen just needs to grow in general and I'll be happy whereas I really didn't like the writing for S2 Colin) does, actually, get me a little excited.

But yeah, I'm still here. I'll watch. I'll keep an open mind because Nicola and Newts clearly care about these characters and the romance and I do appreciate that and at the end of the day, it's an adaptation of the show and if I hate it (wouldn't be the first time!), I'll always have the book.

You know, about the Matt, Emma, Olivia thing … I’ve heard so many versions, one of which is that they were protesting Sapochnik/Hess’s script, not the new one, and they’re part of the reason for the rewrites and Grrm was on their side. This doesn’t completely make sense as it seems Emma and Olivia liked Sapochnik’s ideas… but then again Hess was the one who made Larys a creep and Daemon a domestic abuser, so maybe they were protesting those elements, which I’m sure she would have tried to make worse? Because I honestly can’t see Matt sticking his neck out over simple disagreements about the characters, even the DV stuff, he is on record saying that at the end of the day, he does what’s in the script. He gives opinions/suggestions and improvs some things as any actor does, but he seems pretty willing to do whatever. Like I just don’t think he cares that much about HOTD, beyond his job as an actor. I can’t see him raising a stink about the script unless it was truly egregious and Emma and/or Olivia were legitimately uncomfortable with something (and I don’t mean uncomfortable as in Olivia wants Alicent to be a lesbian and is mad she’s not, I mean there’s some really serious sexual or domestic violence). Idk, that’s just the vibe I get from him based on interviews, but maybe he’s more invested than I think. I do agree that Olivia is probably too invested in her headcanons and is arguing with the writers about it, but I think that might be a separate issue from the alleged meeting the three of them had with the execs. I guess I just err on the side of believing that HBO would absolutely be willing to put an actress in an unnecessarily degrading scene for shock value (and that Hess would insist on these scenes as part of her “men are evil” pseudo-feminist agenda) considering GOT’s history.

Look, I'll always be up front with you, nonny.

I'm completely open to being 1000% wrong on everything.

If Cooke was out there defending the sanctity of Alicent and Criston's relationship, cause, Hess wanted to ruin them, or ruin Criston's character. I'll gladly take my Katana, basket hat, and a bindle of food, and leave the village with my braid cut from my dishonor.

But from everything I've ever seen of Olivia Cooke through the years, I just don't believe she capable of something that selfless for the integrity of a show that she has made crystal clear that she does not care about. She's an activist first and an actress way down the list. Cooke would do anything to press her message, and I don't think that she'd go out of her way to protect a male role or character to the tune of fucking her entire career for the creative integrity of something she sees only as a stepping-stone.

From my prospective, as someone who deeply distrusts activists of any kind - for good reasons - I'd genuinely believe that Cooke was trying to defend Sapochnik and Hess's original creative vision of this being a tyrannical story of how patriarchy destroyed a Lesbian Romance. And that them going over the show runner's heads triggered the studio to bring in a ringer to completely dismantle that vision and bring the breakaway producers and cast to heel.

However, I do keep open and will entertain the slight - however small - idea that Hess had tried to ruin Criston's character and lean into that all the men on team green - all men in general - are evil. Just because, it seems that the studio acted by bringing in a third party to story edit after the alleged incident. And there is a possibility that they got Hess benched for the former head writer of "The Crown" who has experience writing character driven assembles about royalty.

But, like I said, I could be completely wrong. And I'll own it if I am ...

But I just don't think Cooke capable of falling on her sword. There is something incredibly angry and spiteful about her and the way she expresses her opinions and agendas, you can feel it. And I just don't think she's capable of anything but pushing her agenda and personal bullshit, not caring about anything or anyone.

As for Matt Smith ... look, I can't be objective about him. I've been a fan of Lily James for years and years, and he did something to that girl, something bad, and she's been running - hurting herself and others - to get away from it. And anyone who knows anything about her, knows that Matt Smith has everything to do with it. She ran all the way to Los Angeles, to the other side of the world, to get away from him. I don't know, so I don't comment ...

But I don't trust any story where Matt Smith stands up for women.

5 Favorite & Least favorite characters of The Orginals and why?

Oh dear anon.

I do wish I could give you a real answer on this, but I haven't actually seen The Originals. The first season, but that's it. I could give you better answers about The Vampire Diaries (favorite and least favorite characters, ships, friendships etc.) if you wanted but I can do my best based on like 20 episodes of watching season one. And with the caveat that maybe some of what I liked or didn't like would change with the coming seasons.

Favorite (in no order)

Davina - Can't blame her for how she acted during the sacrifice. I mean, I doubt she thought it would be so violent. I feel like a lot was withheld from her and the rest of the Harvest girls in general. She's young and naïve and has this rebellious streak where she doesn't seem to enjoy being told what to do. Good for her.

Rebekah - Not shocked that she brought Mikael to NOLA, shocked that Klaus gave his approval for her love life only after she made a move against him. Very bold and honestly, I would have supported her doubling down on her decision. Rebekah deserves to run NOLA.

Thierry - Idk. I just love his whole forbidden romance vibe with Katie at odds with his deep friendship with Marcel. I do wonder what he felt about the witches and how he justified his actions against them to Katie or maybe she wasn't okay with the Harvest either? Who knows. I just wish those two had left NOLA together to live their pretty people lives out somewhere in France.

Celeste - I get it, she's the villain. But honestly, love how deeply committed she was to her vendetta. That line she delivers to Elijah about how every woman he falls in love with from now on he has to wonder if it's her. Sick. I do love that for her. It is very Rumors album and I just have to clap at the level of commitment to ruining the Mikaelsons. And she could have done it to if it wasn't for those meddling kids! (Monique).

Sophie Deveraux - She just reminds me so much of Jenna. I was rooting for her to make it out of town! Trying to do what she thinks is the right thing and paying for it. She should have been around longer! It also would have been interesting to have her around as a love interest after Rebekah leaves.

Least Favorite (in no order)

Monique - Honestly, just the whole killing your aunt because you are a zealot kills my vibes. And then listing her as things you lost to the coven? Ma'am, you did that! Own it! Your mom, yes. Your aunt, no. Move on. The actress does a great job with that blank, nothing behind the eyes zealot thing. Kudos. It just feels like they wrote her character to fill in whatever they needed her to fill in, ya know?

Hayley - I just....she just...seems like such a different character than the one we got in TVD? Like when she made an impassioned plea on the life of innocents, I snort laughed. This from the same girl who (less than 6 months prior?) had bonded, trained and ultimately led to the slaughter 12 hybrids and then had sex with the man who did it? Idk...I guess I just thought she'd be way more ruthless and unfeeling about the causalities on her way to what she wants. Was the implication that impending motherhood softened her? Cause it shouldn't have. Imo, it should have hardened her. Amplified her cruel streak. That would have been interesting.

Cami - I almost hate to put her here cause I think she's got interesting stuff you know? Solving the mystery of her brother and dealing with her family's long history of complicity in the city. All very cool. But towards the end of season 1 I was just, not into her? Her morality seems to fluctuate and I'm just confused. Maybe the theme here is that Julie & Co don't write female characters with a perspective in mind, but rather what the male characters need from them?

Oliver - Honestly how cold blooded do you need to be to kill your old friend and then claim it was for the good of the pack? Another character that I'm just confused about what his motivation and perspective were. Working with the witches against Rebekah and Hayley (and by association his bff Jackson)? And also plotting against his own people to stage a coupe against said bff which idk about TVDU werewolves in a pack but I feel like the fight for alpha would be to the death and then what about your bestie? Huh! What about your bestie Ollie? Also he did my girl Rebekah dirty.

Marcel - I am sure this would change! Cause I adore him, truly. But why the hell did Rebekah leave town and he's all "It's my city" like he's Batman? The writers couldn't come up with a better reason why, after all this time, he finally gets the girl and he says no thanks I think I'll just stay here in this warehouse and get my best friend killed. Couldn't possibly rule a city in a different part of the country with my hot vampire wife! I am confused and a little salty about that so please forgive my bias. Was it really just the city? I know it all depended on the actors but come on! Give the man a better reason to deny the love of his life! It's giving me Season 3 Stefan "Go to Denver to resolve your feelings about my brother" Salvatore vibes.

I’ve been watching How to Get Away With Murder lately and let me just say I’ve had several topics that this fucking show has made me want to blog about that I just don’t wanna spam y’all with so let me bullet point this for you:

Warning: Long AF post about complete nonsense.

1. I never finished Scandal (another series by Shonda Rhimes) but I sure did watch a shit ton of it and I used to genuinely think it was a great show at the time. Haven’t seen it in a while so I’m not sure how exactly I’d feel now, but if watching HTGAWM has shown me anything it’s that god does this woman suck at writing characters. She’s pretty good at writing serialized legal/political dramas, I’ll give her that, but she legitimately only has like maybe 4-5 character archetypes that she just copied and pasted from Scandal onto this show, and boy do the flaws show in this series.

You’ve got the strong, black female lead whose job it is to basically fix problems, ethically or unethically, she pretends to care but doesn’t really.

You’ve got the sociopathic do-it-all guy who does all the unethical dirty work including breaking and entering, kidnapping, killing, destroying evidence, planting evidence, etc. with a troubled past of being in prison.

You’ve got the incredibly basic girl who starts off all shy and cute like she’s an innocent little sunflower, who then falls in love with the sociopathic do-it-all guy which inevitably leads her down a similar road of corruption.

You’ve even got the soft-spoken, ‘dreamy’ white man that the lead has the hots for (as well as the mentally-damaged white girl).

There’s probably more, but honestly that’s all I can remember from Scandal at this point. It’s actually kind of insane to me how it’s literally just the same exact characters just transplanted to a different plot. I don’t know much about her personally, but she strikes me as someone who would probably make bank writing romance novels or Y/N fanfic.

2. Binge watching shows has ruined pacing of older shows, such as HTGAWM, because without that weeklong break in the middle (sometimes longer for holidays) you overlook details because you don’t have time to process them properly, and oftentimes plot points that require time passing (such as relationships, breakups, etc.) can fail completely because it’s not really believable when a couple is together one episode, breaks up to be w/ someone else the next, says “I love you” the next, and is pregnant in the next (yes, this is something that actually happened in HTGAWM).

3. Just in general, the writing for this show really begins to plummet after just S1, but mostly S2. I’ll give them credit where credit is due, a lot of shows that begin with this ‘hook’-like idea--in this case murder and how to get away with it--tend to fail miserably by wrapping up that initial hook in the first season and then winging it every season after that. This show surprisingly doesn’t do that, and every season begins with a new murder that they then have to “get away with” (almost comically-so).

But as I said, this woman doesn’t seem to know how to write characters, at least not likeable or consistent ones. It sometimes feels like I’m watching reality TV or something because a lot of the conflict between characters is incredibly forced. I’m halfway through S4 and despite the fact that these people love to profess how much they love each other, they’re a family, etc. in nearly every episode you’ve got someone “not trusting” someone else, someone keeping secrets “just because”, or someone yelling at someone else for something because it’s “all their fault” when like none of that is ever actually true.

Oliver and Conner broke up because Oliver felt like the relationship wasn’t healthy because, even after he lied to Conner about something really fucking important, Conner instantly forgave him, which yeah sure that absolutely sucks and is a totally valid reason to break up with someone, albeit a sad one because obviously you two still love each other...except in the next fucking episode, Conner is hooking up w/ strangers and Oliver is genuinely considering jumping into another relationship, and also Oliver is changing his story and claiming the reason he broke up w/ Conner was actually Conner’s fault because of like trust issues or something which just isn’t true at all?? It was a wild retcon that came out of nowhere for no other reason other than I guess she needed them to sleep w/ other people that season.

Also I’m sorry but how is Michaela supposed to be even a remotely redeemable character when she’s written to be this huge uptight, racist, homophobic (or possibly biphobic), bitch? I don’t think she ever gets better. Right from the get go in S1, she has this whole ordeal over her fiancé having had one gay experience many years ago when he was younger, and like okay I would understand it if it was just about the fact that he didn’t tell her about it, but she continued to spiral out over it, accusing any man even in the vicinity of him as being his secret lover, and continues to badmouth him as “gay” (I can’t write tone here, but she says it in a very accusing way) to the others including Conner who is literally gay. There’s also never really a refutation to this either, so by the time Aiden is completely out of the picture, I guess we’re left to just assume he is actually gay, despite all possible evidence pointing to the contrary. But I guess all of this is A-OK because she becomes GBFs w/ Conner later for...some reason, I guess.

Then there’s the way she treats Asher which, in the beginning I was like okay fair, he’s the douchey frat boy character. Totally understandable why you’d treat him like an asshole. But when they hook up and eventually get together, she is so unbelievably racist towards him??? She’s constantly going on about “white boy” this and “white people” that, and the poor dude just takes it because he’s super whipped.

The way she also talks about other black people is even off, like if she wasn’t black (and Shonda Rhimes wasn’t black) I would daresay it comes across as fetishistic. In fact, a lot of this show is written like fetish porn of black people. God help if this was written by a white woman which ironically enough, it really does feel like this was written by a white woman. I’m not even joking, if I didn’t already know who Shonda Rhimes was, I would swear to you this show was written by a white woman who really loves black people, to an uncomfortable degree. I’m not even talking about cringy “black empowerment” either, that’s not what bothers me. It’s one thing to promote strong black (female) characters in a show which you know it’s fine I guess, whatever, but this show fetishizes that instead. Black people aren’t just strong and powerful, they’re the strongest and the most powerful. It’s creepy and weird.

At this point, the only reason I’m watching it is because I like Viola Davis and despite her character being iffy at times, she’s still a tremendous actress. And ofc I like Colliver, even though it’s messy a lot of the time. I know I just sat here and shat on the show a bunch, and to be clear it’s definitely not a show I would ever recommend, but it’s not strictly-speaking terrible. It just has a lot of bad moments/elements to it.

//s:sok rant incoming

i keep seesawing wildly between "s:sok is fine, it's just slow-paced" and "s:sok has a three-book arc spread out across over ten issues but doesn't have enough conflict for even two." some of this stuff is good. the truth, at least on paper, is kind of interesting, and it has potential to ask questions about the state of the news and ethics in reporting. jay is potentially an interesting character. now that bendis has ruined everything, it's a good idea to do with that what you can by picking up jon where bendis left him. and while tom taylor writes for panels to be taken out of context on social media so people can share it for how wholesome it is, it still gets me sometimes! i am not immune to damian calling himself jon's best friend and them hugging! i am not immune to gail's cubs! but at least part of the reason s:sok-- and nightwing, too, to be honest-- feels so unrushed and amorphous is that tom taylor is averse to letting there be any kind of interpersonal conflict between any of his characters. every time there seems to be a hint of disagreement it's smoothed over within one issue, max.

(Maybe Osista will actually kill someone next issue! Maybe there'll be conflict! But probably not.)

(Oh thank god the revolutionaries are completely harmless and batman was unquestionably wrong. that might have been a tangled situation! but we know batman is wrong because jon thinks he is, dick thinks he is, and pa kent took batman aside to explain to him that he doesn't need to worry about it. (also was he expecting jay to say yes if he was?))

i'm still hoping jay's gonna turn out to be some kind of villain because that'd be interesting. you can still write interesting romance dynamics between characters that are aligned-- jon's parents are a readily available example-- but they still need to actually have some kind of dynamic and that usually stems from some kind of conflict, even if it's just in their personalities. jay and jon are too similar. their conflicts are things like "you're not leaving me here while you go fight the bad guy", and that's laid to rest within six panels. less than that, even. whenever they have differing opinions and approaches it doesn't last; one of them falls into line with the other.

(i didn't have this panel open when i was writing this. i forgot jay literally called bendix "the bad guy."

isn't jon's whole thing supposed to be that he's hung up on being able to save everyone, and because jay can go intangible he doesn't have to worry about him? with that you could go two ways: either he trusts jay to look after himself, and in doing so jay gets hurt or something else like that and jon experiences remorse, or you can persist in having him worry about jay and in doing so stifle his agency and be confronted about it. neither of these work when they're constrained to a half-joking six-panel conversation. because jay is fine. his mum's evil now but he's fine.)

and it's an issue that pervades the entire cast. batman, whose super power is paranoia, is suspicious for an issue and then he backs off because he was told to chill. lois, damian, dreamer, and the revolutionaries all talk the same and have the same or similar goals that go beyond just shared interests. no one feels distinct. they feel like props to the generic superhero story that's being spun, where you're either with jon or you're against him, and there's no room for anything in between. because that might spark conflict that isn't as easily solved as fighting evil mcEvil bendix, monolith of evil, without any moral nuance at all nor interest because he's a generic white guy in a suit. but it's gonna take months to fight evil mcEvil because it's just not that urgent.

and look, maybe it is silly to want or expect more than that. it's a superhero story. it's about a guy who's half alien and can fly. all he really needs to do is beat up the bad guy. but it feels inept within the genre. golden and silver age comics may have had a similar conflict, but they wouldn't have been dragged out over 14+ issues, and they'd be a tighter and more interesting story for it. and comics can be good in terms of complexity! you don't need to be alan moore to write something a bit more complex than a superhero beating up a bad guy because he's bad and the superhero is right. but i guess screencapped panels posted to social media don't translate so easily if you need context to understand them. so you keep it simple.

If it's ok can I ask your opinion on the TMNT 2012 turtle pairings? eg April/Donnie, Raph/Mona, Mikey/Renet, Leo/Karai (if you're comfortable of course. If you don't want to ignore the ask! Have a nice day!

Ooff I think i have never talked about this before but here we go(For anyone reading this remember i'm talking about the Tmnt 2012 ships)When it comes to Tmnt 2012, the romance is one of weakest aspects in my opinion, that at the same time, it's the blame for the series major writing issues. It often ruins the characterization (Mainly for Donnie and April) and distracts from other things that are more important in the story and characters.

Let’s start:

Donatello X April (Apritello): This one is a messy ship because, while Donnie and April’s chemistry is nice, it’s mostly a one sided crush from Donatello’s side. This often involves Donnie doing things to gain April’s attention to the point his behaviour comes off as creepy. This doesn’t help the fact that rest of the time  Donnie is a very nice guy to pretty much anyone. It’s only when it comes to April that he acts this way. Another issue is that a part of Donatello and April’s arc is about exploring this awkward crush, time that could have been used to explore other aspects of these characters (April’s powers and Kraang hybridness; Donatello’s obsession with overthinking everything). This is also the same reason some people dislike Donatello or April. And some fans pointed out that April comes off as somewhat manipulative in this relationship because it’s never left clear if she likes Donnie back or she doesn’t. In A Foot Too Big tried to go the direction that April doesn’t have feelings for him but at the end she kisses Donnie? It was so weird. There is nothing wrong with a character having a one sided crush but it’s not good when they don’t respect the other person’s boundaries and space. Raphael X Mona Lisa (Ramona): By far it’s the best ship, imo. The have great chemistry. Their relationship is healthy and they communicate their feelings well. It does make sense since they have many things in common (they both are fierce warrior with a soft heart, they like action and devoted to protect their close ones). I don’t mind if it’s seems rushed. Their interactions are very sweet and cute. It works because there is barely any big melodrama between them. It doesn’t have the awkwardness of Apritello nor the... whatever it is that Karai and Leonardo have. It’s just innocent teenager love with all the cheesiness that comes with it. I also like how Raphael is not ashamed of sharing his feelings for Mona Lisa. He is very open about them, which it’s a great twist for what you would usually expect from his character. My only complain is that Mona Lisa could have had more development outside this relationship? Maybe one episode about her past or how she became a soldier. However, this is general issue that some female characters from this show have. Michelangelo x Renet: I think it’s a cute ship. Their relationship is not as serious as Raphael and Mona Lisa’s, which makes sense since Michelangelo doesn’t seem to be the type that would fall in love for over just one person and start dating them. I see him as someone who likes to keep his options open. I don’t have much too complain about this one. Maybe that the series could have develop it a bit better? Confirm if they were a thing? Or have an episode about the two them doing time travel? I don’t know. Leonardo x Karai (Leorai): Ooofff, this one is a can of worms, let me tell you. Because their chemistry and development is great. I like how it develops over time. How they start off as rivals, then they start liking each other, how Leonardo tries Karai making her leave Shredder multiple times, the tension. It’s all interesting and well written... Except for one thing... that they share the same father, they are half siblings. Which makes their interactions feel incestuous and disturbing. That gets worse after they learn that Splinter was Karai’s real father and not Saki’s. It’s one of those things that makes you ask yourself: ¨Why? Why is this here? What’s the point of this?¨ Luckily, this was toned down in later seasons but it was brought up in some episodes instead of being totally dropped from the show.The worst part is that this could have been a great ship if hasn’t been for this fact that they are siblings. If it wasn’t for that creepy thing, i would be into it lol. To sum up:  Donatello X April: Yikes Raphael X Mona Lisa: Great ship, best ship Michelangelo x Renet: Cute ship Leonardo x Karai: Yikes and wtf

....and the Oscar goes to.. | Tom Holland X Male!actor reader. 

A/N: this was just something I wrote because I got inspired I guess. Happy Pride everyone!

——————————————

You couldn’t decide whether time was slipping through your fingers too quickly or if this had been the longest night you’d ever experienced.

seconds slowed to a crawl while you tried to gather yourself before it was your turn to take the stage. You were nervous. Not about being at the oscars or presenting for the first time. Not even about being nominated for your leading role in the second installment of a critically acclaimed trilogy. No, you’d been used to these sorts of things, you’d been an actor since you were a very young kid. Starting on television before film, and you even got to hold the Emmy the show had won when you had just turned a teenager.

No, you were nervous about who exactly you’d be presenting to. Of the five nominees and potential winners, only one could cause such an intensive feeling in your chest. Only one could awaken a sense of dread that battled with a feeling of intensive happiness mixed with anticipation, and it was Tom.

You’d known each other for years and had come to fall in love. You’d met as young co-stars on set and eventually grew into an inseparable friendship that progressed into something far more. Neither of you were sure when the feelings started but it felt like they’d always been there and you weren’t exactly complaining.

Your blissfulness with Tom was beautiful but short lived. After almost a year of being official you both agreed to take a break from the relationship. Unbeknownst to Tom you were just agreeing to save face and hadn’t pried for an answer out of fear of being hurt. You just accepted that this was how things were now, and took a step back.

You’d still kept in contact with him. It was hard not to. He was still your best friend. But whether it was the business of work or something a little more awkward, distance grew between you both as the multi-hour long facetime calls and text threads became once-a-week check-ins to just make sure you were alive and okay.

Time had passed, and you didn’t have a clue what you could possibly say to him now. You certainly didn’t want to ruin his special night. But you’d missed him so much and felt like you would implode at the first sign that he’d be interested in getting back together with you. But you also didn’t want to seem desperate or needy if he’d moved on. You didn’t want to slip and say those three words again in the moment.

Father time showed you no mercy as the sand in his hourglass suddenly shifted from a slow-motion drip to a flood. The seconds you’d spent daydreaming of your past with Tom and pondering about the your potential future had passed and left you with little time to gather yourself before presenting. still you shook your hands, arms, and lastly shoulders, putting all your worries aside and waited for introduction from the host.

Before long you’d been counted in to walking on stage, and heard the host over the microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen, to present the award and introduce the nominees for Best Supporting Actor, please welcome one of this year’s nominees and one of our generation’s greatest talents: Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

The applause erupts from the audience like a revved up engine as you took center but it was nothing compared to the standing ovation you’d receive later on that night when receiving your own award for Best Actor.

You were stood promptly center staged with the towering Oscar statue reflecting onto the black stage floor beneath your feet. Your outfit was alluring and would surely be the next hot topic which is rare for male stars. You looked like a million bucks. Everyone knew it, most of all, Tom.

You smile and wave as you approach the microphone, your teeth shining a blinding white, and wait for a hush from the crowd.

You chuckle lightly as a few hoots and hollers sound out as the cheers subside.

You eye the monitor across the room and start to read, your nerves dying down as your jokes land and laughter echoes around the room.

As you finish the introduction, clips start to show behind you to accompany the names of the nominees as the cameras catch a glimpse of each of their reactions.

You couldn’t help but notice how tough the competition was as each actor was called. Steven Yuen playing a detective in a thrilling murder mystery. John David Washington in a fictional film playing the world’s first black astronaut aiding in the discovery of lovecraftian horrors. Andrew Garfield for his role as a psychotic narcissist and genius businessman. Oscar Issac acting in a sci fi space opera asking questions of existentialism.

Finally, you had to withhold your smile as you called out the last name. He had returned to his Billy Elliot roots being nominated for his role in a astonishing musical romance film. “Tom Holland.” You’d been ecstatic when he’d told you about it as you’d always recommend he tried it again since it made him so happy in his younger years.

You spot him a few rows from the stage, making eye contact with him and wondering if he was thinking about you the way you had done with him earlier. You couldn’t help but notice him squirming in his chair and fidgeting with his hands. Selfishly asking yourself if this wasn’t just about the award but about having you present it to him.

Seeing you here after what felt like an eternity apart and your reunion potentially being the greatest achievement of both your careers. Making it the greatest night of your lives, that is, if you were still together. But you were still best friends. That’s what mattered. So you push your self centered thoughts aside and shoot him a small wave that he returns with a smile and thumbs up. letting you know he was okay and that you could continue as the camera pans back to you capturing your not so hidden giddiness.

This awarded some small oos and aahs from the crowd as your relationship with him had been a wholly celebrated one. especially among your marvel peers.

You’re handed an envelope and statue as the music ends and the applause dies down and you take one final glare into the camera before beginning to open the envelope.

“....and the Oscar goes to,” you take a peek at the crowd and see some of the nominees holding hands with loved ones. others plainly

awaiting your next words with bated breath. The anticipation shone on everyone’s faces. Even those that weren’t nominated. Your not-so-hidden grin giving away the answer mere milliseconds before his name escaped your lips. “Tom Holland!”

Tom shot up with a shared expression of shock and happiness on his face. Pecking his mother on the cheek as she wipes the tears of pride from her eyes. His best mate Harrison gives him a quick embrace and a pat on the back before he moves on to shake hands with the director and smile at everyone cheering him on as he gradually moves toward the stage still completely baffled at the victory.

As he walks towards you in his pink pastel colored suit and brown leather dress shoes you can’t help but swell with an overwhelming feeling of joy having been here to share this career defining moment with him. You thought about how far you’d both come to get here and almost started tearing up remembering all you’d been through together.

He skipped up the miniature steps and blanketed you with both arms. You didn’t want it to end as you hadn’t felt it in a while. You threw your arms around his neck and he tightens his hold around your torso. Before you could even process them, your blunt thoughts spill out as whispers.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you. you deserve this and so much more.” you hear a small chuckle escape him as he responds. “I am trying not to cry y’know mate?” a wolf whistle comes from the crowd as you apologize for being so sappy and before he can tell you off for it you hand him his award and shove him off toward the microphone.

As he takes center stage you stand off to the side to watch him give his acceptance speech. He pauses and takes a second to gather himself before he starts talking straight from his heart with nothing prepared.

“Um, Wow. I really can’t believe this is really happening and I probably still won’t believe it happened tomorrow. Just.. wow.” his words were filled with that charmingly British accent you’d come to love so much.

“First I would like to thank my mother, without whom of course, I would not be here. I would like to thank the academy and everyone who worked on this movie from the producers and camera men, make-up and costumes, to our wonderful writers, composer, back up dancers and vocalists, and of course my friends, my co-star and the director Damien Chazelle.” whom he gestures to sitting in the second row. “I share this with all of you and I can’t thank you enough for awarding me with the opportunity to create something I love so much.”

He thanks the other nominees before turns towards you to end his speech. you felt your heart in your hands when you saw his big brown puppy eyes dart in your direction with an intensive glare of admiration.

“last but most importantly, I want to thank the inspiration for all of the love songs I sung in the film and the reason I decided to take the role. The person standing here on my right.”

Your jaw drops and your eyes widen when his words hit you like a speeding semi. you realize that he’d just called you his muse in so many words. the inspiration behind the love songs in the film no less. Meaning that with every lovestruck note his character sung he was reminded of you. All that time spent worrying if the distance between you two would cause him to forget about you, or if he’d maybe moved on and found somebody else. But no such thing had happened. He was relating his character’s longing in the film to his longing for you this entire time and that made your heart do a backflip.

You blush and cover your still ajar mouth with your fist whilst trying not to pay attention to the crowd who’s attention was fully focused on you.

He takes a deep sigh before continuing. “Y/N you’re not only the reason I took this role, but you’re the reason I was able to play it with such sincerity. You’ve been a unwavering beacon of support throughout my career in general but here you really gave me the inspiration for something special. He faces the audience again as the all follow his words with whispers of how adorable you both were. “from reading lines together in the middle of the night, to keeping me company when i’m on the brink of a meltdown.” It was all true and it only made you miss you relationship more and you found it difficult to hold back your tears.

“Y/N is the kind of best friend everybody needs, the kind of partner everybody deserves, and the person I’m so incredibly lucky to have known for so long. ..and I still can’t believe he never figured out the lyrics were all about him, It was kind of obvious-” the audience laughed you’re so close to swooning as he turns toward you again. “But, with all my heart, I love you, Y/N. Always will.” you feel as if you’re floating.

He shifts to the crowd one last time to say a final thank you before you both walk off stage one arm around one another’s shoulders. You have a short but sweet conversation backstage with him where reassures you that everything he said on stage was true and completely unscripted. He wants to talk more but knows your category is coming soon so he asks for a later opportunity and you agree before returning to your seat in the crowd.

The rest of the night flew by with you winning the award for best actor and receiving the biggest applause of the night. Tom joined in the standing ovation. You thanked everybody involved in making the film, the academy, and squeezed a little joke directed towards Tom that garnered a shared laugh from both him and the audience. You were the last award of the night and after the celebrations it was time to return to your place, where Tom was waiting for you. Wanting to talk about everything that had happened not just tonight but everything leading up to it. He also hoped you’d kept a spot open in your heart for him to return to.

passstt can you do your best to explain the ‘universe’ in depth or at least so it’s understandable bc my ass is clueless 🙃

so, this is my dumb brain linking stuff so please please take this all as what it is — my stupid brain's stupid thinking. this is also the first time i've linked it all out in order. so bear with me. this is loooong. in this universe, we have like three parts: mixtape: on track — b me — mixtape: oh. and it deals with tangled romance and the consequences it has on friendships.

MIXTAPE: ON TRACK

so in mixtape: on track, the universe sets off with the boys in high school, final year, i think. minho and hyunjin are the leads in our whole universe. jeongin is like hyunjin's best friend in this au. they are film and art majors (?) and have this project i presume to make a short film (?). chan deals with the sound, jisung with the lights, changbin with the props, hyunjin with the videography, felix is directing and seungmin is the writer. minho is the main lead in this film and jeongin is a side character in this film.

insert female lead. female lead is close friends with both hyunjin and minho. it's pretty evident that minho and hyunjin likes her and hyunjin constantly does feel bad over minho and her getting closer, because well, he likes her. this feeling turns into a distaste soon enough (as seen in how hyunjin feels pathetic after the girl takes both the drinks from them + how minho shoots the goal while playing soccer and like hyunjin and minho have this weird cold gaze exchange. in both these situations, jeongin is around to help hyunjin. i'll get to this soon.) so like our boy minho and her clearly have sparks and hyunjin dislikes it. high school jealousy, if anything.

that's when hyunjin decides to take action and while shooting, when minho has to grab the female lead's hand, he butts in and holds her hand. all because he likes her and he's done being the second lead in this story. the mv ends here.

now, about jeongin, he did mention in one of his vlive that he was like a guardian angel and i do think he's like a friend that really really cares for hyunjin and doesn't ever want him to get hurt. so the whole mv wraps up in this plot of how hyunjin takes action right when minho and the female lead are slowly getting things going for them.

UNVEIL: B ME

and then we get the unveil track of b me, (how i wish they dropped the mv for this rather!). i'll make a list of stuff that happens in b me first and then tell you how my brain linked it up.

felix with the video camera + tape

jeongin distressed with bruised face

the members reminiscing what they once had before chaos struck.

a script that has even a fool knows (alternative title to on track) written (this was my cue to link them both?)

seungmin, chan and technically the whole cast looking distressed

jisung burning the film competition form (?)

changbin in the court sad and playing alone

biker!minho + biker!hyunjin (THIS ISN'T A POINT BUT THEY ARE SO HOT IN THIS AU SHUT UP RUE!!!)

minho meets with an accident + jisung rushes to his side

angry giving up skz moments

ot8 basketball happy memories

i'm going to sit here and draft this out so again, bear with me, soooo,

i presume the hyunjin grabbing the girl's hand, ofc, did not sit right with minho because technically, minho and her were a thing almost. and that ruined the friendship. this also caused the whole film shooting to turn chaotic, i presume because hyunjin's gaze in the on track mv seemed determined so i think he wasn't ready to back off either. the filming team clearly breaks apart because of this. the tension between minho and hyunjin is still very high. the team is frustrated. jisung burns the film competition form because what's the use of joining when there's no team? changbin is sad and angry and has emotions he is frustrated over (just like the other members!!) because they aren't together as a friend circle distinctly because of the feud between hyunjin and minho. they used to play basketball together (the whole of the ending part!) but not anymore.

now, we see how minho meets with an accident. i'm a bit confused with this part (this is why we need the mv for b me, jyp!!!!) but i'll state out everything i think.

a) jisung is to minho as to what jeongin is to hyunjin.

b) the accident could be solely accidental? maybe minho ran off in a fit after an argument with jeongin and hence why jeongin has the bruises and maybe in that heat, minho could have had the accident.

c) i presume jisung rushes to help him because human guardian angel of sorts of a friendship.

anyhow, i think the small clip of video tape that felix pulls out in the beginning is what they watch together. i do not think this has any correlation to the intense story besides adding the fact that they were reaaaaaaally close because they all look super happy in that shot, omg!!

MIXTAPE: OH

and now here we are, mixtape: oh. (watching and pausing the mv to go as detailed as i can with my storytelling.) this, since it was a mv, we get a story as solid as the first one (thank you, jyp. i hate you generally but thank you for this.)

so we have all the members in the drama club room. the same room we saw in the first mv i think. everyone's gathered back there, picking up their stuff because they have graduated, except for changbin and hyunjin who haven't come. jeongin searches and hopes expectantly for hyunjin to come. the blue certificate kinda thingy (I have no idea what it is. i don't read korean either and my google translate couldn't pick that up :((() is something of hyunjin's and i think minho did want hyunjin to come to this sort of reunion because he gets angry and picks up the blue thingy. he's either mad at that, or he is still mad at what happened in the past. i'm not sure. either ways, jisung is worried too as to what minho is going to do and over what he is feeling. oh, also, minho is in a cast, which means it does go exactly in the order i mentioned !!!

we then see hyunjin (shit, i cried again!) and he's painting an eye (is this a relation with some other skz song i will never know) and i think he took up art after dropping from film club so like he could distance himself from the rest of them, because well, he was 1/2 of the reason why this all happened.

we have the members reminiscing again, thinking about the good times and bad ones too. jeongin is in a tunnel (the boy is always in a tunnel. is this again a link to other mvs i do not know) and changbin goes to the drama club room all alone after everyone leaves and like i think he removed the sign of the drama club room and in my head, it's a symbolism for how everything has finally ended. all the memories they have had had finally ended with their graduation, of sorts, in that moment for him. jeongin, who is in the tunnel calls for hyunjin, like a last thread of hope he clings on to, expecting for him to finally meet them and come back to them. hyunjin doesn't pick up the call.

minho is still packing things up and as he looks through stuff he sees a calender with their anniversary date marked and he remembers of the team together once again. everyone really badly misses the old days. we see jeongin who goes to buy that drink again that he stole from hyunjin in the on track mv and he remembers felix in that moment.

felix who is in the library is with a cake. so i presume it is his birthday because he lights the candle on the cake up eventually. i think he did want to celebrate it with the team as a whole but because of the fall he can't. he opens a book and see the quote, "dreams come true to those who really want them," (we see this on the jisung bus stand shot too btw!!) and he goes on to make a wish on his cake and ie think he wished for them all to be together once again, living the happy memories again. hence the beautiful shots in the end I AM IN LOVE.

so i had this sorta ex lmao who told me this beautiful metaphor once when we broke up about how i left him on the bus of our memories and it was only i who got down and that our timings didn't match. and i think my brain instantly correlated those two, oops. so like the bus is a train of thoughts, a passageway for them to remember the happy memories. changbin remembers the happy memories he had as he looks through hsi phone with the basketball in his hand. jisung also enters the bus and remembers the moments they shared. oh, also changbin leaves when jisung enters. the timings don't match.

TIMESKIP. because this is based off kdramas for sure and what are kdramas without timeskips lmao.

minho's arm is healed. (he's also wearing such a pretty fit i want to steal!) minho goes and tried to meet hyunjin at his art studio because he wants to give it a try, this whole friendship again, i think, but hyunjin isn't there. so he leaves him a note and the certificate (??) blue thingy (?? what is it someone help me!) hyunjin comes back to see them both. this is what happens in the mv, in correlation with the other mvs.

they could clearly make another part of them actually getting together. but personally, i think they do and like felix's wish comes true because the directing is such that they end it with felix opening his eyes. (i also don't want to think of a sad alternative where felix opens his eyes only to remember reality is still the same and the feud still exists. i refuse. in my head, the next part has them coming together just like that in the snow!)

but yes, if you've reached till here, thank you for reading my incoherent mess of thoughts. ily and i hope you have a good day! 💕

N/SFW ALPHABET to start things off on this blog, here’s a quick little kinky headcanon post for my favorite yama trinity; mt. lady, midnight and mirko, with the letters used to spell their hero names! 

here’s the link to the alphabet prompt (inspired by several that i’ve found here and there) if you want to send in a request for any letter and character i write for (list here if you need it) go for it!

⚠️ MDNI not so casual reminder for minors to not interact with this post ⚠️

MT. LADY ( takeyama yū )

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

extremely sensitive and painfully easy to turn on. you barely have to try to turn her on most of the time, really. run your fingers on her inner thighs, grab her by the waist, whisper in her ear about what you want to do to her and she’ll be ready to go. yū will complain a lot if you do it in public, but that’s only because it gets her turned on in record time! hearing your voice, your praises, spurs her on better than anything else.

T — TALK ( what is their dirty talk like? )

yū isn’t necessarily the best with words; she’s all for kisses and touches. but if you’re touching her the right way, she’ll tell you how good you are. she won’t hesitate to tell you that she’s all yours and that she’s wet just for you.

L — LOCATION ( what is their favorite place to have sex? )

being the pillow princess that she is, yū will always favor a comfortable bed over anything else, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy sex in other places. the two of you have become well acquainted with the couch at her agency (which has led to some awkward situations when you realized too late that you weren’t actually alone in the building).

A — AFTERCARE ( what are they like after sex? )

she is a bottom through and through and a pillow princess, so get ready to have to take care of her because she gets even lazier than usual after a good fuck. she can get whiny and demanding, asking for a bath or tea or both, but you’ll always be rewarded with cuddles and kisses. if she doesn’t fall asleep, that is.

D — DREAMS ( do they have sex dreams? what kind? how do they react? )

fairly regular kinky dreamland visitor. yū hates her sex dreams though. she always wakes up just when things are getting good, so she wakes up wet, needy and desperate every time. if you aren’t sleeping together that night, she’ll send you messages to complain, or even call you, hoping for a quickie over the phone. if you’re in her bed, she won’t care what time it is, she’ll wake you up and demand that you make her come. if you ignore her and go back to sleep, be ready to deal with a grumpy pro hero all day long (poor kamui woods has heard her complain about it way too many times and wishes he could forget everything she’s told him, especially that one time she dreamed about a threesome with you and him).

Y — YEARNING ( how desperate do they tend to be? )

mt. lady is queen of yearning. she’s also queen of pretending that she doesn’t miss you all the time. if work takes over her life for a few days and she can’t see you for a while, you can expect her to just be glued to you the second she sees you again. she’ll be extra needy and probably want to ride your thigh. she wouldn’t be able to let you go. and yet she’ll try (and fail) to pretend like she didn’t miss you and wasn’t desperate to feel you again.

MIDNIGHT ( kayama nemuri )

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

you. your existence is her biggest turn on (especially if you’re quite a few years younger than her). there’s nothing nemuri wants to see more than your face when she makes you come, nothing she loves to hear more than your moans and sobs as she overstimulates you. watching you squirm and struggle when she’s touching you in public? a whole delicious meal for her. but the secret to making her dripping wet is getting on your knees and begging, begging her to touch you, to fuck you.

I — INTIMACY ( how caring are they during/after sex? )

despite being the r-rated hero and loving rough sex, nemuri can be surprisingly gentle and soft with you, even in bed. she loves you and she never hesitates to tell you, even with two fingers knuckle deep inside of you. she will look at you in the eyes and smile and whisper reassuringly, hold your hand and intertwine your fingers, kiss you, kiss your tears away.

D — DREAMS ( do they have sex dreams? what kind? how do they react? )

forever disappointed that she doesn’t have that many sex dreams is what she is. she isn’t all that bothered though, she definitely compensates with daydreaming about fucking you. she’d much rather have the real deal anyway. when she does have a good sex dream though? she will tell you everything in details to fluster and tease you.

N — NOPE ( any turn offs or hard limits? )

if you catch her in a good mood, after having struck her youth-loving self the right way, nemuri might indulge you and let you top, but never ever except to be able to tie her down or blindfold her. don’t even think about bringing it up. don’t expect her to submit to you, no matter the position, she needs to always be in control and she will be in control.

G — GRAB ( where do they like to have their hands on you the most? )

everywhere, anywhere. she grabs your hands or your waist when she doesn’t want to be rough with you. when things are heating up though? her grip on your hips or your ass will be harsh enough to leave red marks on your skin. if you’ve been particularly bratty, she thinks her fingers belong around your throat.

H — HOT & BOTHERED ( what are they like when turned on? )

unlike when she gets excited seeing good sportsmanship among her students, a turned on nemuri can keep the perfect poker face on. sometimes it’s frustrating how good she is at concealing her emotions and reactions. she favors your reactions and your desires over her own. and well, maybe she loves to see you squirm under her hard stare, maybe it turns her on even more. the most you’ll get out of her most of the time is small possessive gestures. if she’s leaving hickeys, or any sort of bruise on your skin, you know you’ve succeeded.

T — TALK ( what is their dirty talk like? )

you will have your pants and underwear charmed right off. if there’s someone who knows exactly what to say, it’s nemuri. she knows when to praise and tell you that you’re being good, and she also knows when to tell you that you’re being the perfect little slut for her. honestly, she’s probably going to try to make you come just from dirty talking and describing everything she would do to you to make you come apart for her. nemuri has a filthy mind and an even filthier mouth. 

MIR(U)KO ( usagiyama rumi )

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

lingerie. always and forever lingerie. she loves to see you looking all pretty and pampered for her, especially if she knows that you bought the lingerie for her. her favorite part might be the fact that she will get to wreck and just ruin you and your pretty little outfit. if you want to get her really riled up, kiss her neck as you ride one of those glorious muscular thighs of hers, she’ll forget how to think. rumi will forever refuse to acknowledge that if you touch her ears just right, you can make her a whimpering mess in no time; she’ll just pretend it’s not a thing.

I — INTIMACY ( how caring are they during/after sex? )

rumi is far from being the most gentle of lovers, but it’s not like you didn’t know what you were getting into with that one. she tends not to have the patience for the sweet softness of intimacy and prefers to get right to it. but she also has such a soft spot for you, especially when you become a sobbing, begging mess from overstimulation; that’s when she likes to hold you, cradle you in her arms and kiss your forehead. she is a pro at doing a 180° post sex though, and is the softest of bunnies once she’s had her share of orgasms.

R — ROMANCE ( do they like romantic gestures to set the mood? )

that's a no from rumi. not because she doesn't like the thought of romancing the crap out of you (she loves the thought), but she just doesn't know how. she also can't stand scented candles, her nose is too sensitive. and it's probably preferable not to leave petals near a bunny, you know... you tried once, but never again.

U — UNFAIR ( how much do they tease? )

little miss bunny hero doesn't know the meaning of fairness when it comes to your sex life. she has absolutely no mercy. if you can't keep quiet or if you blush easily, she won't hesitate to tease you in public until all you can do is glare at her or plead with your eyes. and no matter how impatient she can get, if she has the time, she will edge you forever. but you will always be rewarded with rumi.

K — KINK ( favorites? which ones do they keep secret? )

dominance, punishments and orgasm denial/edging. you're in for a wild ride with rumi because she will ruin you and you will love it. definitely some exhibitionist tendencies; she's eaten you out while you were on the phone more than once, she can't resist it, she just has to see how long you'll manage to be good for her and stay quiet. she is very open about what she likes and wants in general, but there's a couple exceptions, one of them being anal (mostly giving). it's something that she really wants to try with you, but isn't sure she should bring up. because, listen, bunny tail plug. that's it. rumi wants to see it so bad but she feels dumb.

O — ORAL ( do they like giving or receiving? a preference? )

while rumi enjoys both, it’s one of the few things where she’ll tend to prefer receiving, but that’s mostly because she gets to see your pretty face squished between her thighs, and if that’s not one of the most glorious sights ever, she doesn’t know what it is. this bunny will ride your face into oblivion. she still apologizes for that time she broke your nose and had to take you to the er

(pls take the time to read)

Signs I should have known I was aro: Disney edition

I think this topic has been stressed a lot already. But here is my take, anyway.

Of course, romantic love had been, is and will always be one of the main themes in kids' movies. Why, I can never fully understand. I'll explain below how I like other themes more.

Some time ago, I did a post on the kiss/hug scenes in Rapunzel which depicts how much more I value acts of showing love that don't include kissing.

Not only those two. I have a history of hating Disney on-screen smooches. As a kid, I thought, "Well, maybe, I don't like seeing these characters kiss because it's a grownup thing."

Could you blame me? When my parents were in the room and a kissing scene appeared on the screen, they changed the channel. So my toddler brain concluded that the reason I didn't like watching kisses was because I wasn't of age to like it. Or something.

At the time, I had no idea that I was hand-picking my favorite movies by the level of romance they had in. Or lack thereof. And I was a very judgemental kid. Let's go through my original thoughts on some Disney classics.

Snow White — No. Just no. She's a child, fourteen. Marrying an older guy she doesn't even know. After he kisses her corpse. NO.

Cinderella — The age difference is a little better, I guess. So is the age of consent. But they only talked one (1) night and he relied on that slipper to find her instead of asking to meet all women and see for himself. Fairytale logic I guess. I didn't like how she called it love immediately and kissed the prince at least once that same night. Or how they got married immediately.

The Sleeping Beauty — Must I even explain? Aurora didn't even know Philip that much, had only met him once (if you exclude the "dreams"). And yet, he's her true love, the only one who can revive her corpse. Ridiculous. And yes, kissing a comatose body, ew. Also, the arranged marriage trope pisses me off, royalty or not. Aurora was engaged as a newborn baby, come on.

Mulan — Cinematic gold. I didn't know it back then, but the fact that romantic love is such a pushed-aside aspect in this movie gives me life. The songs give me life. Especially when the trio dresses as concubines and "Be a Man" plays in the background. An absolute gem, lmao. The sequel however ruined the story somewhat for me, too much lovey-dovey stuff. I like Mulan more when she's fighting than when she's acting all sappy towards Shang, sorry not sorry.

Peter Pan — Loved it, still do. But I did dislike the mermaids, the image of fangirls who are petty towards other girls. And Pan's brief "relationship" with Tiger Lily was nauseating to me. I couldn't explain it but when Pan blushed at her nose-nuzzling thing, I always pulled a face.

The Princess and the Frog — In my opinion, (remember, always my opinion): Tiana, this hard-working girl who doesn't belong to anyone, was lost to love. Well, not lost. But falling for Naveen in the course of three days? Unrealistic and kinda unnecessary. Sweet, but still. I adored the "relationship" between Ray and Evangeline more. Either way, it's a movie that I enjoyed when love wasn't that prominent on screen.

Aladdin — I love this movie because of the Genie. The relationship between Jasmine and Aladdin is meh. She forgot his face and didn't recognize him until later. Their coming together is a lot like that trope "first guy who treats her right sets the expectations and wins her heart". Usually that's a thing, not only in Disney movies but media in general. The female lead settles for the first guy that treats her right because the bar is that low. A good movie, all in all. Love how Jasmine stands up for herself at least. Not a lot of princesses fight against the objectification of women.

Pocahontas — I used to hate this movie. I didn't sit right with me: the racism in it, the manipulation, the murders. And the romance, yes. Pocahontas fell for the strange man who tickled her curiosity in the span of two days. I also hated how her father just sold her to marry Kocoum like that. I know it's tradition. Heck, that's a tradition that still goes on in my country. Maybe that's why I didn't like seeing it on screen. And Pocahontas doesn't even end up with John Smith. The second movie definitely ruined the story. So yes, she's the first princess who fell for a man in three days, TWICE. Needless to say, only the songs kept me from blacklisting the movie entirely.

The Little Mermaid — I actually loved this movie for some reason. I can't explain why, maybe it was my obsession with mermaids. Yeah, that was probably it. But I was pissed when Ariel exchanged her tail for legs. Not to mention human periods and overall, all the bad in the world, for a man she'd only seen once. As I grew up I realized just how f*cked up that story was: Ariel giving her entire lifestyle, family and identity up for a guy she hadn't even spoken to. I don't know why I loved that movie, alright? Hell I still do a little. The sequel too. Say what you want.

Brave — (I know this is technically Pixar, shut up) Much like the paradox with Ariel, I didn't like this movie. I can't explain it. Maybe because Merida wasn't the typical Disney princess I had been used to seeing. Now though, I ADORE that story. No, it's not because Merida knows archery... Okay, yes maybe a little. I love the aro-arrow word play, alright? Anyway, the way Merida fights against being shipped to a husband like the "tradition" I aforementioned asks her to, has always had my heart, even when I didn't like the movie. The focus on the mother-daughter relationship is special, I love it. Stellar movie.

Tangled — One of my favorite Disney movies, my favorite princess. But her relationship with Eugene.... Well. Again, three days. That's all it takes to fall in love. Classic of Disney. Not only that, but Eugene is literally the first man person Raps has ever since, besides Gothel. The bar is nonexistent for her, she would have fallen for anyone. He lied to her and she still... Well, I won't stress that any longer. Their relationship in the end is sweet, one of the few cases where we are actually shown that they would risk their lives to save each other. Respect that. Mostly, I love her magical hair and Pascal. And the guys of Snuggly Duckling.

Moana — EPIC MOVIE. The story, the culture, the character growth, the plot twist, everything! Loved it at first sight, at second and forever. Even more when I became aware that there's no romance in it. I don't think I need to say more.

Frozen — My opinions on this movie have always been changing, accompanied by mixed feelings. So the relationship between sisters was cute, but Lilo and Stitch made that more realistic. Anna's relationship with Hans, ugh. I think that for a long time I used the fact that he was the antagonist to justify my absolute hate for the way Anna "fell" for him in one evening. Again, Anna sweetheart. This is the first man you've met. The bar is nonexistent for you too. God bless Elsa for forbidding her to marry Hans. And while it's cute to think Elsa as a lesbian, she has aromantic vibes. Sorry not sorry, but she's also a God by the end of Frozen 2. Gods are beyond attraction, I said what I said.

Raya and the Last Dragon — Loved it, still do. Say what you will about "dragon Elsa". Sisu is her own character, and I adore her. And yes, I love the lack of romance in the movie. Make no mistake, I shipped Raya and Namaari from the first moment they smiled at each other. I swear on my name that I paused the movie and screamed, GAYYYY, at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I was home alone. If only Disney directors would do the right fcking thing and give me a queer main couple!! I swear I wouldn't mind the lovey-dovey romance one bit.

Of course, I've left dozens of movies out. This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. But I think that was enough to make a point.

While I'm not romance-repulsed, seeing animated kisses (and unnecessary relationships) on screen makes me uncomfortable. As a child and as a grownup. It just doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention all these princesses who identify with their princes and specifically their relationships with said princes when they're perfect on their. Wreck it Ralph 2 made them a favor, I think, by making them work together and showing their strengths. Another movie I love.

Friendship just makes an overall better theme to apply to kids shows, my opinion. Family, work, self-discovery, mental health, happiness. These are all better themes to portray in media dedicated for children. Which is, again, my opinion.

And yes, Disney has been getting better. They've fixed the age difference and the age of consent. The female characters no longer depend on the male ones, at least not as often. They understand the assignment, alright. There are still many questionable things about Disney's reputation though, things we all choose to overlook for the sake of the good movies. But who knows? They might change. Hopefully soon we'll also have an obviously queer couple in a movie. Hope dies last.

ah hello!! i'm literally so excited to see a blog for enby and male readers sodjfoijf,,could i maybe request a scenario where male reader is a staff member (idk?? like a librarian?? a nurse??? do they need nurses over there???) and is crushing on crewel but is too scared to confess because he's both Too Dense to pick up any signs of potential reciprocation and also just isn't sure if crewel likes men??? maybe. maybe with a happy ending though because i am a fool,, thank you very much!!

One hopelessly cheesy scenario coming up!! Thank you for requesting! I hope you don’t mind I made reader a librarian who may or may not be a bit of a romantic because i listened to a particular playlist while writing this- (commentary in notes!)

Warnings: none! Tags: male!reader, fluff!

A simple man such as you live a simple life. As simple as life can be in Night Raven College, that is. A prestigious school that holds a student body that can barely tolerate each other. It would be typical for a librarian to be the observer than the observed, but hey, if it means getting out of trivial matters of the school and enjoying the show in your personal bubble, then you have no complaints.

This attitude of yours did come to have its own consequences. You were seen as timid by most students as you were quite closed-off, taking it as a reason to poke fun at you sometimes. You proved them wrong when they step out of line with their fun. Most of the time you choose to ignore them. However, you lived up to your introverted nature, especially when it comes to him.

Tall, dark, and handsome. Approachable but also not at the same time. Sharply dressed and sharp attitude. This man that visits the library ever so often had become your daily motivation to keep on working at this school despite the wage that Crowley gives you.

Divus Crewel, feared and admired by staff and students—also known as the man who stole your heart.

You feel so small compared to him. That would not be so farfetched. He is a remarkable man, and what about you? You are just a librarian at this school. You are like mere dust to him.

Yet, despite this, you continued yearning for him no matter how ridiculous it seems. Perhaps you have fallen too deep in romantic fiction that you make hopeless wishes. You are known to be excellent in reading people but for some reason, you find it hard to read Divus. His perfect posture whenever he would scan the Applied Sciences aisle showed that he is focused on his reading. However, it is his expression you find hard to decipher. He looks dashing as ever, of course, but his thin lips and neutral gaze makes it hard for you to know what he is thinking.

If your life is a novel it would be so easy to know what runs in his mind. What he feels for you. Maybe he could even know what you feel for him. In a story, what makes characters likable is knowing what their emotions, their feelings, their ambitions, and their dreams are, for they are already laid out in ink on pages. Implicit or explicit information, simple or complex structure of personality, it does not matter. You would easily know about them for they are just sentences away from understanding.

And in romance novels…oh, how dreamy they are. How easy they make it seem to fall in love, to confess, and to achieve a happy ending. However, as a librarian, you know the reality of your situation. Your relationship with Crewel is a professional. Strictly, if you were to add an adjective. Is it really strictly professional? Your right brain points out the moments in your life where you interacted with him. At faculty meetings, reunions, at the library…moments like those just feel surreal you almost believed that you made those up on your own. Probably because you initiated each of those interactions yourself.

The only time, where Crewel would come to you himself, are rare. One time he came to the library and checked out a book to read in his spare time. His voice distracted you. It was like cherry wine. Sweet, smooth, enough to make your throat dry and your cheeks flushed. Oh, you could listen to him talk for hours in that tone of his, and he could even make you do anything he pleases.

You greet each other good morning or good afternoon when you pass by each other, and he would smile a teasing one at you as if you two shared a secret with each other. Well, technically you did, for one time you bought him coffee under the pouring rain, and he repaid you for your kindness. Soon enough your coffee exchange became a routine for both of you. It was sweeter than the cream in his coffee. It was more refreshing than the rainy day you shared with each other.

His gaze. His posture. His voice. His smile. Despite those small interactions with each other you are still troubled by what he thinks of you. A friend? A colleague? A special someone? Why is this so hard? Why was it so easy to fall in love? And when things could not get worse for you, your left brain argued that he might not be interested to mingle with a man.

Well, you could find out for yourself, but that would be creepy. Your workspace is in the library! You could not just leave when you please just so you can observe him. You could not use the staff files to your advantage—that is being a borderline stalker. Whatever Crewel’s orientation is, is his to keep and his to disclose to you. Oh, but still. If this were a novel, you could easily analyze the situations that give off evidence of him liking men. Or liking someone like you.

If that were the case you would not have a hard time trying to decipher his words, his gaze, his tone, and his actions towards you. If that were the case…if that were the case…then…well, there’s no then. Divus Crewel is not a fictional character to analyze. He is your coworker, your colleague.

It is hard to know what he thinks of you, at all. You really wished that you could…but the thought of knowing what he thinks to scare you, as well.

Rejection is not that far from reality. Who are you compared to him again? A nobody. A simple, ‘timid’, librarian that enjoys reading romantic and fiction novels and inserts himself in scenarios he makes up for himself just so he can…find the happiness he wishes to have.

But Divus is your happiness. Became your source of happiness. Ironic how he colors the muted floor of the library with his monochromatic appearance. Maybe it is better that you keep your feelings to yourself. You avoid the risk of rejection and humiliation as well as ruining whatever it is your current relationship with Crewel is.

You barely registered the visitor in front of your desk until a familiar red leathery gloved hand rested atop of yours. The contact of the leather sent a spark of electricity through you that you snapped your head up to meet alluring silvery blue eyes. There is only one person in this college that owns those distinct, beautiful, silvery blue eyes.

Divus.

“Have I interrupted your moment of peace, sir?” He asked in that cherry wine voice of his. It made your throat dry up and your face warm. “N-No—no!” You squeaked, shaking your head to brush off the embarrassment. Quickly, you fixed your composure and appeared presentable. As presentable as you could be under his stare that is. You just hope that he found some amusement in your haste. “D-Div—Mr. Crewel, what can I do for you?” You smiled as you speak in a professional tone. The edge of his lips curled into a familiar smirk and still you could not determine what was running through his mind at the moment.  

“I came to return the book I borrowed last week,” he said, placing down the novel on your desk. Sense and Sensibility. Jane Austen. Right, he borrowed that last week. It is not your place to judge whatever it is he desires to read. “Of course,” you nodded, “did you enjoy reading it?” You started on a small talk as you take out your logbook for the check-ins and outs of books. “Somewhat,” Crewel shrugged, “I had my eyes set on another book I would like to borrow.”

“Oh? What is it? I’ll go get it for you.” You stood up after sliding the logbook back to its drawer. Crewel did not leave from where he was standing. His eyes were simply on you. You had to hide your nervousness under his gaze. “I had my eyes on it ever since that rainy day, when you offered me shelter in the library until the rain passes,” he mused. “General fiction, I believe, was the genre.”

“If that’s the case then you better tell me the title,” you joked, taking a stool to the genre’s aisle. “Are you certain you can find it?” Crewel coolly challenged. You almost laughed but did not fight the smile on your lips. “Mr. Crewel, I spend most of my time in this library. I know every book and I still have the Dewey Decimal system memorized…” You kept your eyes distracted by scanning the spines of the books on the shelves. You are aware that he is still looking at you that is why you refused to look back at him. You are not sure what will happen if you look back at him while conversing.  

“If that is the case—” why does he suddenly sound a bit close? “—may you find ‘How to Ask your Dense Colleague Out to Dinner?’”

What a lengthy title. It sounds very basic and almost like a rule book than a novel. Well, that is General Fiction for you. Though you are quite unsure if such a book exists in the library. “Hm…” you hummed, a finger on your chin, as your eyes scanned the shelves. “I don’t think I have that here…Crowley pays me enough to support my rent and meals, but not enough to buy new books. Plus, the students…”

You heard him chuckle beside you and fought the urge to turn to him. “I believe I was not frank enough. Ah, well, I will put all subtleties aside, then…”

His warm breath tickling your skin was what made you finally turn to him. The proximity of your noses startled you that you nearly stumbled out of your stool if it were not for Divus’ hand grabbing yours to pull you to him. You gasped, shocked, as you landed close to his chest. His other hand supported your waist, and your eyes widened his silvery blues. You can feel your heart hammering against his. Your legs feel like putty when he gave you that teasing smirk. Your name—your first name—sounds surreal from his lips. Your entire world was a confusing mix of vertigo and bright lights.

“Will you go to dinner with me?”

You stared. You stammered. You are flabbergasted and flustered. You were unsure how to react to such a forward question that your brain completely shut down. But you cannot embarrass yourself—you must not. Not when…not when…not when…!

Oh, he will he stop saying your name with such sentiment?

“Is your silence a rejection or a consideration?” He rose a brow and your face flushed even more. “No! I mean yes—I mean—no, it isn’t a rejection—”

“Then you have been anticipating this?”

“Divus!”

He laughed. He laughed at your state. He laughed at your awkwardness. But most importantly his laugh sounds so pleasant. Like he was teasing you and you liked him teasing. You grew shy, averting your gaze from his and fidgeting with your fingers. “I mean…I mean…why?”

Crewel stopped laughing and looked at you. “Why what?”

“Why…me? Out of all people?” You asked as fear and denial keep you from grasping the fact that this is all real and not another scenario you made up during rainy days. Crewel’s face remained passive. Neutral. It was eating at your heart and you just wish what is going through his mind.

“Is it not obvious, puppy?” He raised a brow at you. The hand holding your wrist now tilted your chin in his direction. “It is not by fate or destiny, but a mere law that dictates the gravitational pull of similar atoms that is programmed by the need to chemically bind together.”

You suddenly felt stumped. “W—What?”

“I like you, puppy,” Crewel clarified, adoring the way your confusion turned to pure surprise, “and I would like to have dinner with you. Perhaps another, if the first went well.”

You need some time to process this. Your head felt so light you might pass out in his arms. Actually, you would not mind that in the slightest. His coat is just so soft it feels like heaven. A proper response of agreement failed to come to your mind so instead, you asked him again, “And what if the first does not end well?”

Crewel smiled at you. “Then we shall try again with the next dinner. Mind you, puppy, as a man of science, I am not afraid of failure if trying means more chances of perfecting my goal.”

“And what’s that goal?” You asked and physically stopped yourself from combusting when he leaned closer to you that your noses touch and you smell his cologne, and his bold scent.

“The goal to become yours.”

★ the last great american dynasty - s. b.

“i had a marvelous time ruining everything.” 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Muggle-born!Reader 

x. x. x.

Summary: A one-shot diving into Sirius’s complicated relationship with Grimmauld Place and where the Muggle-born he falls for fits in.

Genre/Warnings: angst, emotional abuse, alcohol, language, mentions of death & war 

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: so.. this is more of a character study on sirius & his dynamic with his family – i know this song is meant to be about a woman but it also screams sirius to me. i’m a sucker for romance so it’s a reader-insert. fun fact, i was almost done writing this when i realized i wanted it to be a wolfstar fic, but i was too lazy to change it, so just putting that out as a concept lol. let me know what you think & if you’d like me to tag you in future works!! 

masterlist

When Sirius first showed signs of his rebellious nature, Walburga wasn’t worried. After all, many children were incapable of sitting still in large gatherings, mouthing off to their parents, or incessantly teasing their younger siblings. “He will be kept in good company. He will learn,” Walburga would say to her husband. He often exasperated her, but there was no denying her immense pride. Despite his antics, even at a young age, Sirius displayed impressive magical ability and had a commanding presence – excellent qualities for the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. 

She worried only a little when he preferred to spend time with Andromeda, who was clearly becoming disillusioned with their family values, and Alphard, who Walburga believed was beginning to get a little too soft. Still, the Blacks were not raving lunatics. They were traditionalists, committed to upholding the high standards of Wizarding society. Sirius would not defy them, not when the weight of their bloodline rested on his shoulders, not when Regulus would never be able to stomach such responsibility.

On his first night at Hogwarts, Sirius didn't write home. It wasn’t until the morning after that Narcissa delivered the dreadful news to her mother. Walburga’s sister-in-law relished discussing this most recent embarrassment, as the family’s attention was now off her daughter’s courtship of a mudblood. Young Sirius, their direct heir, was sorted into the House of Muggle-lovers and blood traitors, into the House of Godric Gryffindor.

Blown apart by this development, Walburga turned to her younger son. She had no intention of repeating her mistakes and resolved to train him for the responsibility that should have belonged to her eldest. That way, if she was unable to correct Sirius’s behavior, she had back-up. Her legacy was secure. 

During every subsequent holiday, she noticed that the damage was getting more-and-more irreversible. Sirius unabashedly consorted with infamous blood traitors and pathetic half-bloods. He seemed to dread seeing his family as much as she dreaded seeing how much of him she had lost. She tried; no one could say she didn’t. But she was too stern with him. He had inherited his flexibility, or lack thereof, from her. She pushed him too far away. Soon, he stopped returning home for Christmas. When he was sixteen, she spat at him as he closed the door to Number 12 Grimmauld Place one last time, without sparing her a final glance. 

He never expected he would have to return. Offering up the property to the Order seemed like a good idea at the time – he hardly put any thought into it. That was how he made most of his decisions. His track record certainly proved so. When Remus didn’t have anywhere to stay, and neither did the newly-reformed Order of the Phoenix, Sirius knew that his family estate in London was not just their most ideal option, but also the only one they had. 

He managed to enter undetected in his Animagus form with Remus. He had to hand it to fate – there were no extra security measures to keep him out. It was as if she anticipated his arrival. Swallowing, he absorbed his surroundings. Despite the eerie silence and decomposing furniture, it looked like an image straight from his memory. Sirius suddenly felt sixteen again. 

What he did not expect to see, however, was a currently-sleeping life-sized portrait of Walburga Black in the hallway. Though now in his human form, Sirius growled inadvertently. She knew. She always knew that he would come back. She wanted to be there when he did. Unbelievable, he thought to himself. 

Aware of Remus’s wary gaze on him, Sirius walked forward and began pulling on the frame. “Get off, you hag! Remus, help me get this off!” 

Remus went to join his old friend in what seemed like a fruitless mission in his mind but came to an abrupt halt when the portrait, disturbed by her son’s grunts, awoke in a flash of fury. “Filth! Scum! Abomination of my flesh! You are no son of mine,” portrait-Walburga hissed. 

“Shut up, just shut up!” He had not heard her voice since he was near a Dementor, reliving the worst of his teenage years. The visual made it much, much worse. 

“Permanent Sticking Charm, it seems…” Remus said to appease his friend, pulling the withering velvet curtains over its towering frame with all his strength.

“This is torture,” sighed Sirius. “Maybe we can find another place.” 

Remus refused to meet his eye. “For now, it is all we have, Sirius. If it was going to be a problem, you should not have offered it to Professor Dumbledore.” 

Sirius frowned. “It’s all I’m able to do this time around. It’s not like I can go around trailing Death Eaters and infiltrating the Ministry with everyone else.”

“Hopefully, it’s only temporary,” assured Remus, though he was equally as uncertain about Sirius’s fate as a fugitive. “Try not to let this place get into your head, okay?” 

Sirius Black was never good at keeping promises. He had three-and-a-half decades of evidence to back that up. In the weeks following, the Order settled in, consisting of many highly competent Aurors, half-a-dozen Weasleys, and an ex-Death Eater he could do without seeing. Sirius found himself never too far from alcohol, itching for more access. He longed to see Harry and to get away from his wretched house-elf, along with the constant, stinging reminder of his mother's existence. 

But there was something else inside of him, something he couldn’t describe. It was an emotion that was egging him on. He felt it inside of him every time Kreacher muttered complaints about wandering red-headed blood traitor brats. It swirled in his stomach when his mother shouted scathing insults at the clumsy half-blood and filthy half-breed that took temporary refuge in the former pure-blood paradise. 

Then she came. 

She was new. She worked at the Ministry; many of his houseguests were incredibly fond of her. He recognized the innocence in her eyes. It was the same innocence that he had when he first joined the Order seventeen years earlier. It was the same innocence that differentiated every new member from every returning one – they had yet to see tragedy in its fullest form. 

“Hello,” she greeted. She seemed strangely unperturbed by the fact that she was in the presence of an alleged mass murderer. “I’m (Y/N). I’ve been told this is your house. Thank you for playing host.”

“My pleasure,” responded Sirius. Involuntarily, he reached for her hand and kissed it. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of his hollowing cheeks, untamed hair, and liquor-infused breath.

She flushed slightly at the gesture. Black family habits die hard. Just because he chose to refrain from practicing them did not mean he had forgotten, nor did it mean that he wasn’t any good at them. 

Walburga Black’s portrait watched her son fall in love with her. Sirius watched her watch him. There was no telling how she would react. Regulus was dead – it was up to him to preserve their family’s name and purity.

(Y/N) was witty and flirty and incredibly intelligent. He found himself feeling a decade younger as he enjoyed their banter and her overall easiness. Before long, she kissed him in his dimly-lit pantry, and he was too selfish to stop her. They would kiss in every corner of the house, hardly caring that anyone was watching, ignoring the ghosts living within the walls. For Sirius, (Y/N) was his greatest act of defiance. She was born to non-magic parents. As narrated by a disgruntled Kreacher to his now-helpless mistress, she was nothing but a “filthy mudblood.” 

One night, weeks after the children departed for Hogwarts and the house was, as on most days, empty, he caught her staring at the Black family tapestry. Without making a sound, he inched behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hello, beautiful,” he whispered, pressing a kiss on her shoulder. “Sickle for your thoughts?” 

She leaned into him. As the days went on, she would tire easily. Still, she found happiness in Sirius as he did with her, and they both were old enough to know to reach for it in any capacity they got. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid. Let’s get to bed.” 

“As much as I’m a fan of that idea,” he started with a smirk, “you look upset. Is it work? Fudge?” 

“No, nothing like that.” Her fingers traced his blasted name on the wall. She looked thoughtful. “I’ve just… noticed something about you.” 

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” 

“The way you look at your mother.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s no secret that I hate her. I hope that’s not off-putting. You’ve seen what she’s like – it was worse when she was alive. I promise I’m a gentleman in general circumstances… for the most part,” he added cheekily. 

She smiled tightly. “No, I get it. It must be terrible for you, being back here.” 

“It is,” he affirmed. “I’ve got you, though. You make me happier than anything, love.” 

“That’s the thing,” she uttered as if it pained her. Sirius could stare at her fiery expression for days on end. To be on the receiving end was strange. “I can’t help but think that you’re only in love with me to spite her. Like your feelings aren’t love, they’re just a culmination of your hatred for her.” 

It took Sirius an eternity to process what she just said. Realizing that he was not going to say anything, she continued. “Believe me, I know you hate it here. But at the same time, you look so… satisfied. You’re hosting a bunch of blood traitors, half-bloods, and a werewolf in this place that was once the pinnacle of blood purity. You’re providing a haven against the bloody Dark Lord. And worst of all, you’re with a mudblood.” 

“Don’t call yourself that,” interrupted Sirius harshly. 

“It’s the truth. If you weren’t in this position, would we even be together?” 

“Of course,” said Sirius. To answer this question, he didn’t even have to think. “I love you because you’re you. You’re beautiful and smart and make me laugh until my stomach hurts. You’re so good with Harry and you can put anyone in their place. You make me feel new again… God, that’s fucking sappy, but it’s true. I indeed hate this place and I hate her but… but if I let her dictate my choices, even when she’s bloody dead, then she’s won. I don’t want her to win. If I was only with you for your blood status, then I would be no different from my mother.” 

She stared up at him, her eyes betraying a wave of emotions. She reached up to kiss him, tangling her fingers in his hair. “Thank you for saying all of that. Just hold on for a little while, alright? Soon, we’ll be out of here. We can have our own house – you, me, and Harry.” 

He smiled at her sadly. It seemed too unreachable of a goal to him at the moment. “By the beach?” “Wherever you’d like,” she answered, leading him to his bedroom, his only sanctuary in the horrible house. 

As they made their way towards the stairs, Sirius glanced at the tapestry over his shoulder, at the seven generations of Blacks behind him. He gently squeezed (Y/N)’s hand. For the first time in his entire life, he felt the weight of carrying his name lift off him. He’d done his part to corrupt his bloodline. It was time for Sirius to focus on himself in a way that the shadows of his past never allowed him to, even in his schoolboy days with James. Being a Black was a part of who he was, and even a disowned Black deserved his long-overdue happiness.

Tagging: @strawberriesonsummer​