#anyway. just talking at myself at this point to get everything in order mentally so I don't feel overwhelmed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yaekiss · 1 year

Note

hi so [holds head in hands] no pressure to fulfill this request of course but like. heizou, kazuha, and the wanderer (separate) going down on you lol,, haha,, bonus points if it’s their first time doing anything with you,, or anyone, for that matter,,, (afab mc preferred ^^)

oh and since you’re not familiar with heizou’s character yet, i have some ideas … i know a lot of people make him out to be super experienced and like yeah. no shame to that. that’s epic. but god. look. listen… there’s untapped potential here [shakes you aggressively] heizou, aware of his own flirty reputation and also wanting to impress you, pretends to know what he’s doing and acts all confident like yeah. i got this bbg. i fucked around already. mhm. totally. i’m gonna give you the time of your life fr. yet he just… mentally bluescreens when it actually gets to the real deal. his face heats up, his mouth goes slack, and he stares like an idiot. internal monologue is probably: what do i do. what do i DO. i do not want to fuck this up HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKK. eventually you get sick of his virgin act and decide to help him out by sitting on his face and riding the fuck out of him. yeah

— 🌻 nonnie (i hope you’re well!)

𝑯𝒐𝒕 𝑵𝒆𝒘 𝑹𝒊𝒅𝒆?

꩜ Room Content: Dom! AFAB! Reader! x Sub! Heizou, Sub! Kazuha, Sub! AFAB! Wanderer (separate), cunnilingus (reader receiving in all 3 parts, implied giving in Wanderer's part), you ride their faces 😼, all 3 of them are inexperienced, lmk if I missed out anything ! ꩜ A/N: Thank you for waiting 🌻 anon!!! Ran out of steam after Heizou's part so Kazuha's and Wanderer's parts are in bulleted points orz... Anyways, here's ur order of the an3mo boys eating you out ♡ Hope you enjoy hehe !!

🏷️𝑹𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝟎𝟕𝟐𝟒: 𝑺. 𝑯𝒆𝒊𝒛𝒐𝒖

After countless weeks (weeks!) of chasing each other around, Heizou’s cryptic riddles and your vague replies for him to unravel, he finally has you where he wants you! (Or do you have him right where you want him?)

Though, you need to give him credit where credit is due. Everything in the room has been set up to your liking and the thought of how much effort he put into this has your heart fluttering a bit.

“Well? Impressed?” There’s a cocky smirk on Heizou’s face and you scoff, rolling your eyes at him. You’re aware of the reputation he’s amassed on the streets, rumours of how he’s a casanova unlike no other, how he can charm anyone into his arms. Frankly, you couldn’t really see the supposed suave flirtatious persona in him. Like, are we talking about the same Heizou? The man who made you go on a wild goose chase through the town, only to reach a scenic lake and have the moment ruined by him falling into the water while he’s excitedly waving to you from afar. (Though his shirt got soaked through and you got to see his cute nipples… Hmm, maybe the rumours have some truth to them after all.) But you’re not one to back down without a fight.

“I’ll give you my answer in the morning so you better make tonight count, detective.” Slowly shedding your clothes, you eye him with a brimming anticipation as he watches, his own eyes glued to your mesmerising figure.

After you lay back on the bed, Heizou wastes no time in diving between your legs, trailing featherlight kisses up from your calf to your inner thighs. He slowly inches his way up towards your core before, all of a sudden, all his previous actions stop. You can feel his hands on you falter a bit as the bed shifts and dips as he sits back on his knees. Puzzled by the change in the mood, you sit up to check on Heizou but the sight you see is not one you were exactly expecting.

His face is glowing with how red and blushy he’s gotten, hidden behind his hands as he tries to hide the expression he’s making. Clearing his throat and turning away from your gaze, he gulps audibly.

“Just… just give me a second to c-compose myself…” An odd awkwardness filters through the air and you can’t help but quirk an eyebrow up at this (not so) unforeseen turn of events.

“Why, is my little casanova scared? Where did your previous bravado go?” Teasing him further, you crawl seductively towards him, taking full amusement in watching him squirm nervously, peeking at you through the gaps of his fingers.

“I’m not… scared… what are you talking about? Ahahaha…” His strained laughter trails off at the end and it’s the last straw for you. Annoyance taking hold of you, you grab onto his shoulders and push him down so that he’s lying on the bed, olive eyes wild and bewildered as they stare up at you. For the first time in a while, he has no idea what to expect and frankly, he didn’t think he’d be so turned on by it.

Before he can register what’s happening, mind hazy with lust and desire, you’ve planted yourself on his face. Tongue instinctively darting out, he tastes your slick and the mix of a whine and a groan escapes him. The sensation sends a jolt of pleasure through you, making you grind down on his face harder to chase your own climax.

Heizou’s pussy eating skills are honestly pitiful but he almost makes up for it through his sheer enthusiasm alone. Messy slurps and moans fill the room as he clumsily laps up at your folds, drenching his mouth and chin. Your thighs clamp down on either side of his head but he shows no signs of slowing down or even stopping for air.

“I-it’s all… hahh… bark and no bite with- ah! -you isn’t it, Heizou?” All you get in return is a pathetic whine as he shifts so his nose nudges up against your clit. And that’s what it takes for you to cum. You ride out your high, your pace slowing down while you try to catch your breath. As your gaze refocuses, you catch a glimpse of the damp patch growing at the crotch area of Heizou’s pants and you laugh at his dazed drunken expression when you get off of him.

Looks like you weren’t the only one who came.

“I’m impressed with your performance for now, detective. But for higher accuracy, what say we go for a few more rounds?”

🏷️𝑹𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝟏𝟎𝟐𝟗: 𝑲. 𝑲𝒂𝒛𝒖𝒉𝒂

He’s probably the one who brings it up after overhearing one of the many raunchy conversations between Captain Beidou and the Tianquan (someone please buy him noise-cancelling earplugs)

The more he thinks about it, the more the idea seems viable. Besides, if it doesn’t work out in the end, the two of you would have learnt more about your tastes and preferences!

But seriously, he needs to pick a better time to spring his suggestions on you. While dining at a food stall, he nonchalantly asks you, “Would you mind if I… went down on you… the next time we make love?”

You almost did a spit take at his words

Internally cursing Beidou (how dare she unknowingly corrupt your adorable Kazuha before you can!!), you swallow your beverage before replying

“If it’s what you want, I’m not opposed to it darling”

The smile he flashes you is blinding and the moment would’ve been more tender if it weren’t for the previous lascivious question

Sigh, still, how could you say no to such a cute lover

He’s another inexperienced one, years of drifting around and never really settling down with anyone means that he’s physically exposed to a lot of things for the first time with you

But he’s open minded, always open to trying out new experiences and kinks while making sure the both of you are comfortable

While he eats you out, he gets a little intoxicated by you, enjoying how you feel against his tongue, savouring every inch of you

Nothing else in the world matters right now expect pleasing you and making you cum on his face

Although you’re the one riding on him, somehow he’s the louder one????

He lets out muffled breathy puffs and moans, whining and squirming under you as he licks and indulges in you, occasionally calling out your name interspersed with, “More!” or “I love you!”

Feeling your orgasm building up, you gyrate your hips downwards to drive his tongue deeper in you

You cream on his face and he doesn’t hesitate to clean you up, not wasting a single drop (he’s really such a dear!)

The next day, Beidou gives him a firm slap on his back, chuckling about how she’s “glad that he’s getting some, but please keep it down, the other crewmates are trying to sleep”

Kazuha is understandably mortified and downright embarrassed at her words

He looks in your direction for some help but all you do is just laugh and think to yourself:

How can you make him scream your name next time?

🏷️𝑹𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝟎𝟏𝟎𝟑: 𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒓

Granted, you were a little tipsy after a night out of drinking with Kaveh but you just had to bring it up to Wanderer as he’s hauling your drunk ass back home

“Hey… how about… hic!... you eat me out next time…? Hmm?”

He’s so thankful that you passed out in his arms before you could see his face explode into a shade of crimson at your words

“Seriously, how are you so shameless?”

When you wake up the next morning and go about your day, you can’t help but notice that your sweetheart has been staring at you nonstop (from across the room, sitting opposite you at the dining table, you name it)

However, whenever you try to ask him about it, he scoffs and hastily brushes you off, tilting his hat to avert your eyes while he rushes off (before inevitably coming back to continue staring at you 🙄)

Sick and tired of his antics, you manage to corner him and interrogate (read: bully) an answer out of the man

After he spills the beans on how he's been fantasising about what you said last night, you turn your gaze downwards and true to his words, he’s already drenched in his shorts

“To think the high and mighty Wanderer would be so affected by a passing comment, how lewd!”

Things progress quickly and the two of you find your way into the bedroom, lips locked in a heated kiss with hands roaming each other’s body

As you break from the kiss, he lays back and prepares for you to ride his face, resolve steeled even if he’s never done this before

You hover over his face since you’re worried about potentially suffocating him but he clicks his tongue and straight up says, “Are you looking down on me? I obviously have no need for air unlike you mortals do. Sit. On. My. Face.”

Hands grabbing your thighs, he plants you down on his face and goes to town

He eats you out with a feverish devotion, spurred on by the moans and praises that slip past your lips as if they’re the most divine hymns he’s ever heard

(If you’re his god, then he’s more than happy to be your throne!)

His eyes roll back when you tug on his hair as you cum, the pain mixed with pleasure muddies his senses but it doesn’t stop him from slurping up your release

Shakily pulling yourself off of his face, you think you hear a whine from him, violet eyes teary and pupils blown wide

You push his legs apart and settle yourself in front of his wet cunt, your hot breath fans across his sensitive folds and he has to stop himself from rolling his hips down to meet your face

“You were so good for me sweetheart, now let me return the favour yeah?”

Thanks for reading! Consider supporting me on kofi if you enjoyed this or check out my other works hehe ♡

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lipglossanon · 7 months

Text

Urban Legend

shape shifter/wendigo!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader - NSFW

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, monsterfucking, dirty talk, mentions of cannibalism, threats, CNC, rape fantasy, rape talk, oral (f receiving), impromptu thigh job lol, biting, blood kink, multiple creampies, fingering, overstimulation, belly bulge, cum inflation, breeding kink, double penetration in one hole

not proofread ✌️ it’s all made up and the points don’t matter 😜

I literally had to stop myself from writing so sorry if the ending is sudden/lame 😝

“There’s no way that it’s real,” you scoff into your phone.

“Then why was it in the newspaper, huh?” Your friend’s voice sounds tinny on the other end, letting you know you’ll be out of range soon.

“To sell them, duh,” you laugh, “hey listen, I’m about to lose service so I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

“Call me if anything happens!” her concern makes you smile to yourself.

“Will do, bye!”

You lock your phone and slide it back into your pocket. A quick glimpse of a chimney in the treeline lets you know you’re almost to the cabin. It’s just a small little one bed, one bath place deep in the middle of the woods. Your parents moved and left the place to you, so you’re not able to come out as much as you like so it’s a little more rundown than in previous years.

You have to park at the bottom and make the mile long hike up the mountain in order to reach it. There’s an ATV parked in the shed for any emergencies, but you’ve made the trek all these years without any issues so fingers crossed this will just be another year in the bucket.

Stepping up onto the small porch, you pull out the spare key and unlock the door. A branch snaps off in the woods and you shoot a look over your shoulder. Your friend’s nervousness seems to be rubbing off on you. Rolling your eyes, you turn back to open the door.

“There’s no such thing as werewolves anyways,” you mutter under your breath.

She gave you a quick breakdown of the last several month’s events while you talked to her on your walk. She told you there’s been missing livestock for weeks until suddenly a few local parishioners went missing after service and were found brutally mutilated days later. Attacks have been gradually ramping up, peaking around the full moon especially (which just happens to be the weekend you decided for a mini vacation at the cabin, go figure).

The locals believe in some old wives tales about a werewolf returning every hundred years. You think it’s kinda cute they hold onto such old superstitions, but it’s more than likely some bobcat or mountain lion that’s come down due to deforestation in the area.

You let these thoughts wash over you as you bustle around the cabin; you get everything in place and mentally thank your dad for putting up solar panels years ago. Those paired with the propane tank and generator outside means you won’t be without hot running water or lights.

Once you’re all settled in, you decide to make something quick and simple for dinner before relaxing in front of the fireplace. Stretching out on the beat up couch, you scrunch your toes in the thick fuzzy socks you love to wear this time of year and flip open the book you brought with you. You’ve just found the most comfortable position for reading, becoming more engrossed page by page when a loud thudding knock rings out from your door. You jump at the sound and scowl over at the door.

Another knock happens and you close your book, making sure your bookmark is securely tucked in the pages, and raise up. Quietly walking to the door, you peek out of the peephole and see an injured man slumped against the porch railing. Your heartbeat quickens and you watch as he raises a tired hand to knock on the door again. Glancing around the area yields nothing but trees and the dusky twilight.

You tiptoe away and grab the rifle out of the gun safe next to the fireplace. As you walk back over, the man knocks once more.

“How can I help you?” You call out from your side of the door, gazing back through the peephole.

The man tilts his face up, fringe falling away for you to make out a strong jawline.

“I-I was attacked and n-need help,” he winces, arm hugging his middle where you can see blood seeping through his shirt, “some kinda w-wild animal. I just need a phone or a first aid kit. Please, miss.”

You pause, eyes glancing down to the gun in your hands. On the off chance he’s faking, well he won’t be for long.

“What’s your name?” You call out, pulling your phone from your pocket.

“Leon. Leon Kennedy,” he grunts, clenching his waist.

You type it out in your notes as well as a text message just to be on the safe side and lock your phone again. Unbolting the heavy door, you pull it open, gun at your side.

He glances down at the weapon and back up to you, a small grin pulling at the corners of his mouth before pain pinches his expression.

“Promise I don’t bite.”

You gesture forward and he takes a staggering step before pausing.

“Are you coming in or what?”

He grimaces and takes another halting step, “Yeah, just hurts to move.”

You shift on your feet, debating with yourself before setting the gun down and stepping forward.

“I’ll help you,” you murmur, taking his other arm and placing it over your shoulders.

You angle him in the doorway first and help him hobble over to a chair near the fire.

“Thank you,” he breathes out a sigh of relief before groaning, “cut me pretty deep.”

You walk over to pick up the gun and move it back to the safe. Making your way to the bathroom, you pull the first aid pack from under the sink and walk over to your impromptu guest.

“Can you take your shirt off?”

“Shouldn’t you buy me dinner first,” he jokes, but stiffly slips his shirt over his head.

You smile sardonically and snap open the bag, “I usually don’t harbor strange men on my days off, so I guess I don’t quite know the protocol.”

He laughs but it ends in another pained groan, hand pressing against the clawed marks across his ribs.

“Shit, that might need stitches,” you frown, pulling out the disinfectant.

Once you clean off the area, you notice it’s not as deep as you thought.

“Luckily we didn’t need to use the quick clot,” you smear antibacterial ointment over the wounds and pull out the gauze.

He hums but doesn’t say anything; his blue eyes haven’t moved from your face the entire time you’ve been ‘doctoring’ him.

“Thank you for this, I really thought I was gonna be wandering the woods for hours,” he finally speaks as you tape a bandage across his ribs and wrap it with the gauze (to be on the safe side you murmur to him).

“Well, tomorrow, we can ride the ATV down and call a friend or the local ranger since you were attacked by an animal,” you zip up the first aid kit and grab all the rubbish to toss in the trash.

He nods, “Okay.”

“You’ll be sleeping on the couch,” you point to the old upholstered couch in question, “it’s not big but it’s better than the floor.”

His eyes flick from the couch back to you, “I appreciate it. Better than being outside, ya know.”

He quirks a smile at his own words and you give a tight one in response.

Sitting down in the chair across from him, you give him a quick once over, “Are you okay though? Like I’m not doctor, but I can help you down the mountain to my car if you really need one.”

He shakes his head, a softer smile pulling at his lips, “No, I’m good. Thanks though.”

“What happened?”

“I have a place out here and decided to go for a walk and an asshole jumped out of the bushes and nicked my ribs, knocked me down. I got a little disoriented and wound up over here. I could hear it following me up until I reached your porch.”

You rub your arms and gaze over to the front door, “Did you see what it was?”

“Some kinda wolf I think,” his brows furrow as he thinks back, “big for a wolf though.”

His expression clears as he looks back at you, “You live here?”

Shaking your head, you drop his gaze to look into the fireplace, “No, just a weekend getaway. Shitty job and even shittier neighbors getting on my nerves, so here I am.”

He laughs, “You don’t love your job?”

“No, not really,” a small smile crosses your face turning back to him, “does anyone?”

Leon shrugs before hissing from jostling the wound, “Mine’s not so bad. I work security.”

“Ahh, any place I know?”

He shakes his head, “It’s local.”

You hum in reply and glance at your watch.

“Well, I’m going to head to bed,” you stand and make your way back to the gun safe, pulling out the rifle again, “not to be rude, but I don’t know you from Adam so if you need to get my attention, I highly stress knocking and waiting for me to reply.”

His gaze doesn’t move from your face, “Read you loud and clear, miss.”

“Bathrooms through there, kitchen is there,” you point at each in turn, but with the open floor plan it would be hard for Leon to miss any of this, “I’ll probably wake up pretty early and make coffee. Then we’ll head down, okay?”

He nods along with you, “Okay, I’ll see you in the morning then.”

You walk over to the bedroom and right before the door snaps shut, Leon calls out to you.

“Goodnight!”

“Goodnight,” you parrot, giving one last look to the stranger now sitting on your couch.

His eyes seem to reflect the firelight making you shiver. In a blink, everything seems normal making you think you only imagined it. Closing the door all the way, you slide the lock in place and crawl into bed, leaning the rifle next to your nightstand.

He says he lives nearby but you’ve been coming to this cabin for most of your life and have never heard of any neighbors. It’s one of the reasons why your parents bought this place, the seclusion of not having anyone around for miles. He’s just really suspicious to you, even if he is cute.

You eventually drift off, eyes trained on the door until they’re slipping shut. A loud jarring sound from the living room wakes you with a jerk. Raising up your hand hovers over your gun. A loud muffled curse makes you deflate a little. Leaving your warm bed, you unlock and open your bedroom door a crack to see Leon kneeling over the chair he must’ve ran into.

“You okay?” You call out making him jump, head jerking around to the sound of your voice.

“Yeah,” he clears his throat, “I sorta tripped. Sorry to wake you up.”

You shrug and step out, making your way over to the kitchen, “Shit happens.”

Leon watches you as you grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

“You seem really interesting,” he tosses out as you drink your water, “it’s kinda refreshing.”

“No offense Leon, but this is super weird for me,” you blatantly state, squinting at him, “in all my time being up here, I’ve never run into anyone else.”

“I was attacked,” he gestures to his ribs, “and I walked around for a while before finding you. It’s not like I was hiding out for you.”

He laughs suggesting it’s a joke, but there’s a ring of truth to his words that makes your hair stand on end. You eye the block of knives to your left.

Once he realizes you’re not laughing, he tapers off, a queer little smile tugging at his lips.

“I think I’ve spooked you,” he sighs, placing his chin in his palm as it rests against the chair, “didn’t mean to, miss.”

Using the excuse of sitting your bottle down on the counter, you side step closer to the knives.

A grin stretches wide across his face, “Those won’t do you any good.”

Your fingernails dig into the soft meat of your palms as you level a flat look at the man in front of you.

“And why not, Leon?”

He tilts his head, fringe shifting until only one blue eye can be seen, “Because they’re not sharp enough, silly.”

By the time your fingers wrap around the handle of a butcher’s knife, four sharp claws are wrapped around your neck, thumb digging into your jaw to tilt your head up. Your brain stutters, trying to comprehend what you’re even looking at now.

He’s monstrous, blocking out the light completely, his body towering above your frame by a couple of feet, not including the curled ram horns protruding from his head. From what little you can see, you’re grateful for the dark. He chuckles a low warbling sound that has your heart rate kicking into overdrive.

“You’re very interesting,” you feel a cold press of something hard and smooth against your ear, “think I’ll keep you for myself.”

He drags you closer to the fire and you catch a flash of an animal skull in place of a face before he turns away and in a blink he looks human as he did earlier tonight.

He smiles at you, “Gotta remember not to scare you too much.”

With all the insanity that has taken place in the last few minutes, you find yourself blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

“You weren’t even hurt, you asshole. Made me waste my first aid gauze.”

Surprise crosses Leon’s features before he’s smiling again, too wide to be human. You can see his pupils are slitted now, like a cat’s.

“Yes, very interesting,” he chuckles, facing off against you and blocking any access to the bedroom (and your gun), “and you’re right.”

Under his breath you catch the words, “fucking Chris.”

You purse your lips, “If I go missing, they’re going to come looking for me. They’ll know your name.”

He sits you down on the couch taking a seat next to you. Leon’s excited by your words, eagerly leaning into your space.

“You’re just full of surprises,” his teeth are longer now, needle sharp as he speaks, “and so clever. I like you already. I don’t plan on killing you.”

You snort, “Sure, and all of those locals just fell down and hurt themselves to death?”

He laughs, a sharp bright sound that makes your chest flutter.

“Oh, well they had it coming to them. Needed to eat,” his eyes reflect in the low light, “you’re such fun.”

He leans forward and breathes in causing goosebumps to race down your arms, “You make me want things. Things I haven’t thought of in a long, long time.”

Confusion pinches your brows together, “How old are you? Wait, is Leon even your real name?”

“You ask such silly questions,” he pouts, “and yes, it is. Why? Think I should have something like Cthulhu?”

You huff a laugh at how offended he sounds but bite down the smile as soon as Leon lights up from your amusement.

“You’re a tough cookie to crack,” he presses more into your space making your skin prickle, “think I know a way to get you to like me.”

He pulls back and tugs his shirt off and with a small flex of his arms, rips the clothing in half. You can’t help but stare at him. When you patched him up hours ago, you had a fleeting appreciation of his body and now it flares back up as your eyes trace his pecs down to the happy trail disappearing under the band of his jeans.

After tearing the shirt again, he wraps a torn piece around your wrists and ties it off. You try twisting your arms, but it does nothing except pinch the skin. Embarrassingly, your clit pulses at the feeling of being tied up like this.

Next, Leon strips you both down quickly; his eyes hungrily raking down your nude body as he removes each piece of clothing. Feeling self conscious, even in front of a monster, you shift your arms to cover yourself. He grabs your biceps, blue cat eyes flashing with heat, and yanks them back up.

“Let me have my fill,” he gnashes his teeth, sharp points drawing your eye, “look at how soft you are, all that lovely unmarked skin…”

His voice trails off as he runs his hands down your arms to your breasts.

“Sweet little nipples that need sucked…”

You shiver as he tweaks your nipples until they’re stiff and sensitive. He runs his hands over your soft stomach and hips. One hand grips the fat of your waist and the other teasingly rubs across your mound.

“And a fat wet pussy that needs licked.”

You shudder at those words, thighs subconsciously parting for him as he grins wickedly into your eyes.

“Yeah that’s what she needs, huh? A sexy cunt that just needs to be stuffed full with a big fat cock.”

A whine slips past your lips and you go hot all over with embarrassment, toes curling against the soft rug.

“S-shut up, fucking perv.”

He laughs, a distorted chime that reminds you of a bell, and leans forward to nose against your jaw, kissing your cheek.

“Mmm, I’ll enjoy every second of this. You’re so feisty,” he kisses down to your neck, “which means this pussy is gonna taste so good. Especially when you cum.”

You glare at him but can’t stop the slick leaking down your thighs from his words and touches. It’s your darkest fantasy come true; you’ve gotten off to the thought of someone forcing themselves on you more than you’d like to admit. And now this weird creature is going to have his wicked way with you; it makes your pussy thrum in anticipation.

His hands distort into claws in front of your eyes; the fingers are multi jointed in the strangest of ways, skin discolored and skeletal with nails long and sharp, digging into your waist roughly making you suck in a breath. His teeth and eyes are still abnormal, but so far that’s the extent.

“What are you?” you murmur, eyes wide as they move back down to his strange hands.

He shrugs easily, “I’m me,” grinning mischievously he presses on, “wanna see something?”

Before you can say anything he sticks out his pink tongue. It unfurls from his mouth, long and thick with a rough bumpy texture. He laughs and pulls it back into his mouth.

“Gonna show you how fun it can be,” he kneels down in the floor, between your parted thighs, “god, you smell fucking fantastic.”

He drools a line of spit down onto the hood of your clit making your cunt throb with arousal.

“Yeah, you may say you don’t like it, but look how fucking messy this pussy is,” he sighs happily, laying his head onto your thigh to gaze up at you, “I’m gonna make you feel so good, little human.”

He kisses your cunt sweetly making your hips jump up.

“So sensitive,” he growls, eyes luminous as he glances back up to your face, “gonna enjoy this.”

He buries his face into your pussy, slurping and groaning as he licks into your hole.

“Such a fat pussy,” he grunts, mouth moving up to suckle your clit, “fat little pussy that’s gonna cum all over my tongue.”

You whimper, hooking your legs over his shoulders making him laugh at you.

“You like that? Like that I wanna eat this sweet pussy until you’re creaming my face?”

“Fuck,” you moan, head tossed back as he dives back into licking and kissing your pussy.

It should gross you out, turn you off, anything, other than wanting to have this monster eat you out. You blame it on your brain just giving into the craziness that’s happening. Hell, maybe you’ll wake up and this will all have been some kind of fever dream.

You grind against his mouth and his thick rough tongue fucks up into your clenching hole, fluttering against your walls and stretching your cunt wide like a cock would. Reaching down, your fingers grip into his hair, using it as an anchor as you hump down onto his tongue.

With a rumbling purr deep within his chest, you feel his hair shift as his horns grow out of his skull. Hesitantly, you move from his silky hair to the rough texture of his horns. You gently wrap your fingers around the base and he humps the air.

“Grip’em,” he murmurs, eyes bright, sharp teeth nipping the meat of your thigh, “think we’ll both like it.”

A shuddering whine leaves your lips as you grasp his horns and rock against his greedy mouth. He groans, the vibration thrumming through your cunt making more slick ooze from your hole. He pulls away to lick a broad stripe up your cunt, bumpy tongue lapping slowly at your clit making your thighs shake.

With a rumbling growl, he buries his face into your pussy lips, tongue pressing into your drippy hole. You shift your wrists as the binding bites into your skin while you grip his horns. He purrs and rubs his head back and forth so his nose rolls across your swollen clit. Whining softly, you buck upward, grinding yourself against his mouth.

More slick oozes from your cunt and he slips his tongue into your pulsing walls before licking his way up to your pudgy clit. Leon bites your pussy lips, sucking the skin roughly before letting go. He kisses the hood of your clit and across your mound before biting down on where your cunt meets your thigh.

Letting go, he moves back to running his bumpy tongue through your slick folds. You arch off the couch and into his warm rough mouth as he keeps licking and sucking at your cunt until you’re crying out.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you pant, tugging his horns before grasping his hair.

He hums and sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue licking over the swollen bud as you moan softly. Right on the brink, he pulls his mouth away, sticky strings of saliva connecting to your pussy lips as he denies you your orgasm.

You narrow your eyes at him as he pulls away, his slitted pupils expanded as they move up from your glistening cunt to your pinched expression.

He grins and the sharp teeth make your clit throb. Gripping your arms, he slips your hands over his head to wrap around his neck. Moving up your body, he kisses you messily, tongue licking into your mouth greedily. You whimper to taste yourself on his lips.

His claws slide down your ribs making your breath stutter, exhaling a gasp as they wrap around your waist.

“So soft,” he murmurs, “just wanna sink my claws in you over and over.”

He slips his hands underneath your ass and lifts you up, standing to his full height where your head nearly brushes the roof of the cabin. Turning, he sits down on the couch with you in his lap.

“You seem rather human,” you mutter, eyes taking in his body as you straddle his waist, legs tucked on the outside of his thighs.

“Easier to enjoy a soft thing like you when I’m like this,” he laughs, clawed hands digging into the meat of your hips.

“It’s just surprising,” you shrug, arms still tied around his neck.

His eyes gleam white before settling back into their usual blue; he shifts on the couch before a smooth cat like tail slips from behind his body to wrap around your waist.

“Better?” A smug look crosses his face.

You hold back the laugh bubbling at the base of your throat; maybe you’ve lost your mind, maybe this is some weird hallucination brought on by whatever you ate, but a monster trying to impress you before fucking your brains out is something you never would have dreamt in your wildest fantasies.

“What about your face earlier?”

He rolls his eyes, “That’s so boring. Don’t you wanna see if I have two cocks or something?”

This time you do laugh, a small sound that you quickly stifle under his gaze. He jostles you as he pulls you down onto his bulge making your breath hitch from the sheer size of him.

“The answer is yes by the way,” his grin widens at the same time as your eyes do, tail tightening around your middle in excitement.

Burying his face in your neck, he mutters, “You seriously smell so good.”

His fingers move down and tease across your swollen clit, parting your pussy lips to drag slick up from your hole all around your bud. He lets go to remove his pants (which you’re not even sure how they’re still on), having you raise up on your knees as he shoves them down and off.

Once you settle back down on his lap one of his dripping cocks is sandwiched between your pussy lips and the other presses against the front of your mound, uncut head smearing precum on your abdomen, making you clench around nothing. From the looks of this one, both are thick and long, definitely bigger than anything you’ve had before.

“Eyes are up here,” his snarky tone pulls your attention back up to his face.

You shake your head, “How—“

“One at a time, silly,” he nips your neck, “then once you’re stretched enough, we can try both.”

His voice drops a lower octave, “But you’ve also got two holes that we can try out, too.”

Your eyes flutter as your cunt oozes slick all over his cock making him laugh.

“You’re really interesting,” he sloppily kisses your neck, “never had someone so excited before. Usually have to rape their little cunts in their sleep.”

You whimper and he raises up to smirk at you.

“Were you hoping for the same thing? Mmm, all half asleep as I stuff that pussy,” he purrs in your ear, “too tired and weak to push me off as I rape this tiny hole til I’m pulling out and covering you with cum.”

You grind down against his cocks as your nails digs into the back of his neck making him smile into the feeling.

“You’re such fun,” he tilts his head, eyes glittering, “just for that I’ll give you a little treat.”

Your mouth drops open in shock as he changes between one blink to the next; his entire face morphs to that of a smooth animal skull, bright eyes flaring from the empty eye sockets. He bares his teeth at you in what you hope is a smile.

“Ta da!” His voice comes out distorted and echoey, octave low and strange.

A high keen slips past your lips as he eases the head of one of his cocks into your cunt.

“You’re so wet,” he praises, “god, ‘m so lucky to get a little freak like you.”

You want to argue against him, but it’s hard when this monster is slowly sinking his fat dick into your spasming hole, stretching you out so good.

He pauses when he’s only halfway inside, holding you still with his huge hands until you’re squirming.

“Please,” you whisper, frustration making tears bead your lash line.

“Awww,” he coos at you, “since you’ve been so good, I guess you can have it all.”

And with that, he drops you down on his lap like a stone, cock bullying all the way into your cunt until the fat tip is bruising your cervix making you wail.

“Too rough?” He smirks.

You nod and slump against his chest.

“Must like it,” he mocks, “this pussy is gripping me so tight, don’t know if I can pull out.”

You shudder and drool on his pecs as his cock kicks inside your overly full pussy. His other cock drips precum all over your lower abdomen from where it’s sandwiched between you two.

“Untie me,” you’re able to slur out, slowly tugging your arms over his head.

He squints at you (or the skull seems to insinuate squinting) and uses a claw to slice through the tattered shirt binding your wrists.

Sighing, you rotate your hands before placing them on his chest and dragging them down. You watch as his muscles jump and twitch under your smooth palms. Finally, you cup the base of his other cock and slowly pull down the foreskin. You drool a line of spit down onto the head and precum blurts from the tip of his dick.

He snarls and pulls out only to roughly fuck back into your pussy. Whimpering, you’re only able to loosely grip his second cock as he jackhammers into your soaked cunt.

“Sensitive, huh,” you murmur, eyes half lidded as they gaze up into his skull face.

He whines at your words, grinding his tip hard against your cervix making your eyes roll back, “Been so long since a pretty thing wanted to play with me.”

Your hands grip his cock and begin to jerk him off firmly, spitting down on his tip to make it wet and messy.

His tail, which you forgot about, slips lower down on your waist and lightly teases across your clit.

“Oh,” your eyes move from his slackened jaw down to watch his soft tail slowly tap and rub across your swollen clit.

Your cunt squeezes around his cock rhythmically as he teases your bundle of nerves until you’re rocking against him. His claws let go of your hips to wrap around your thighs, spreading you open until he can see his cock pounding into your drippy hole.

His tail helps you lean back some so he can leverage his hips into rolling thrusts up into your pussy. Your hands shakily keep stroking his other cock,completely covered in spit and precum.

His tail smacks across your clit and your orgasm hits you hard. Your toes curl and spine arches as your cunt clenches down on his thick cock like a vice, milking him until it must hurt but he only groans in pleasure. Your hands go slack and he grabs them to toss over his broad shoulders.

He presses his mouth right against your ear, low baritone making your cunt spasm and clench around his fat cock.

“Gotta pull out, little human,” he chuckles when you whine, “mmm, I’ve got to cause if I cum in you, we’ll be mated. And you wouldn’t want that, would ya?”

Your nails dig into his shoulders hard enough to pierce his skin and he purrs, “Unless you want me to fill up this sexy little pussy and keep you forever.”

You bounce what little you can down onto his dick, hands moving up to his horns to grab onto them. Feeling cockdrunk and unhinged, you swivel your hips to fuck him harder, wanting everything he has to give.

“Wanna feel it,” you sigh as he sinks his sharp teeth into your shoulder, “fill me up, Leon.”

He growls, a loud inhuman sound that makes your skin crawl and a bolt of fear spike through the arousal. Instead of letting go, you grind down even harder, pussy feeling sore and sensitive.

“You want me to cum inside you?” He sounds pained and when he tilts back up his skull face has morphed into the one he wore earlier that night.

“Uh huh,” you pant and bring up one of your hands to cradle his jaw, hips swiveling down to prevent him from pulling out, “or are you all talk?”

In a flash, he has your back on the couch as he pins you down in a mating press, legs pressed open wide by his clawed hands.

He snaps his teeth in your face, “You don’t even know what it means to be bred, do you? I’ll have this fat cunt stuffed so full you’re dripping my seed for days. You’ll beg for it constantly, needing me to breed your cute little hole cause you feel so empty.”

You whine, hands coming up to wrap around his horns again, “Promise?”

He growls low in his throat and smashes your mouths together, his sharp teeth cutting your bottom lip so the taste of blood flavors your kisses.

“Promise,” he mutters against your mouth before licking up the blood tinging your lips.

“Gonna mate you all the time,” he mumbles against you as he pistons his hips deep into your swollen pussy, “have you cumming on my cock until you can’t even think anymore.”

You moan and pull him back in for more sloppy kisses, “Please, please, Leon, cum in my pussy.”

His second cock’s weeping so much precum, your stomach is a sticky mess, but it just makes you squeeze down on the cock inside you even more. Leon has flipped some switch in your brain because you feel like you’ll die if he doesn’t spill inside you.

“You promised me both,” you pout, tears clinging to your lashes as his cock presses into your cervix, “promised to stuff me with both.”

He groans brokenly, hips shuddering as he bucks into you one last time, spilling his thick load deep into your cunt at the same time his other cock spurts rope after rope of hot thick cum all over your body, jizz shooting all the up to your chin.

He groans like an animal you’ve never heard of as he dumps load after load into your pussy until it’s spilling out around his fat cock.

“Mated,” he sounds happy as he sinks his teeth into your neck making you scream out.

He pulls back with bloody teeth and that’s the last thing you see before passing out.

~*~*~*~

The warm slant of sunlight from the bedroom window shines into your eyes and you roll over with a grumble. You raise up quickly once you remembered where you were, only to see Leon lounging on the bed next to you eating a bowl of cereal as he watches the small portable tv on the dresser.

“These movies are so dumb,” he scoffs, digging into your Count Chocula cereal, “they always go overboard on the transformations.”

Your bleary eyes squint at the small screen and see what looks to be The Thing and you frown at him. Pushing yourself up, you slump against his side, body feeling overly sore (the same as your sensitive cunt).

“That better not be the last of it,” you mumble against his arm, making him turn his bright eyes over to you.

“No, but good morning, little mate,” he purrs, setting the bowl down on your nightstand so he can roll over on top of you to pin you down to the bed.

You whimper and arch up into the soft kisses he presses against your neck. The blanket slips down to his waist as he grinds his cocks against your needy pussy. He eases the head of one of them inside your hole, making you sigh and wrap your legs around his waist.

“Gotta fill you up again,” he chuckles, “sucking me in like I didn’t spend all night pounding this little pussy.”

“Leon,” you whine, nails scratching red lines down his back and making his hips thrust into you.

He fucks you slow and soft, rutting into your pussy as his other cock is sandwiched between your thighs.

“Perfect,” he sighs happily, “can’t wait to give you both.”

Eyes fluttering, you moan and pull him down fully on top of you, his heavy weight squishing you into the mattress. He growls and snaps his hips harder, the sound of his balls slapping against your ass makes you clench down on him.

“First pussy I’ve ever got to creampie,” he coos against your ear, “so taboo to mate a human, but damn if I don’t love fucking this tight cunt. S’all mine now, I own this tight little pussy.”

His words wring your first orgasm of the day from your sore body, pussy walls fluttering as you cum around his fat cock. He moans low in his throat, hips rabbiting harder against you as he chases his own climax.

His blunted human teeth bite down on your neck as he buries his cock as deep as he can in your pussy, pumping his load right against your cervix as his other cock spills wet and hot between your legs.

“Fuck,” you whimper, clit pulsing as he stuffs you to the brim and paints your thighs white with his thick cum.

He pulls away with a grunt and snuggles into your side. With a soft giggle, he nuzzles against the bite mark he left on your shoulder.

“Can’t wait to show you off. Chris is gonna eat shit,” he crows in your ear before kissing your jaw.

“Chris?” you tiredly ask, twisting to look at the top of Leon’s head.

“Yeah he’s the asshole who scratched up my ribs. He’s a part of what you humans would call my pack,” he leans up to kiss you on the lips, “don’t worry, I’ll introduce you after you’re settled in.”

“What?” You frown.

“I’ve got a place not too far from here,” he gushes, eyes shining excitedly, “you’re gonna love it. It overlooks the river and everything.”

“You have a house?” Your brain feels like it’s lagging behind.

“Of course, silly,” he kisses your neck again, “you’ll come live with me. I’ll take care of you, never have to worry about a thing.”

“Quit my job and just move out here?”

“It’s not like you liked it anyway,” he rolls his eyes before climbing on top of you, pinning you down again.

His cocks rub against your cunt making you whimper.

“I’ll take such good care of you,” he murmurs before kissing you, strange tongue licking into your mouth.

Whining, you suck on the thick muscle as he rocks against you, cunt oozing creamy slick and cum all over your thighs.

“Keep you forever,” he groans, pulling back to prop his weight on his forearms, “got me addicted to this little human pussy already. Definitely not letting you go.”

A high pitched moan slips from your lips as he slips the head of both of his cocks into your cunt.

“Mmm, can’t fit quite yet but we’ll get there,” he laughs, “let me just slip the tips in for now.”

Your thighs tremble as he rocks the first few inches of each cock into your used cunt. He relaxes on top of you, letting your pussy cockwarm his dicks as he bites and kisses at your neck. He moves up to kiss you, all wet and messy, making you whimper and cling to him.

It doesn’t take long before you’re rocking against him, slowly fucking the heads of his cocks in and out of your stretched pussy. He sighs and purrs into your kisses as he tongue fucks your mouth. You can feel as his teeth change against your lips, sharp points digging into the sensitive skin.

He works you for what feels like hours, just slowly sinking inch by inch into your spasming hole. His precum and your slick have soaked your thighs all the way to the bedspread underneath. It’s a wet mess between your thighs, but all you can feel is the pleasurable pain of being too full.

“Never had someone take both like this,” he rumbles happily, nosing against your jaw, “god, what a perfect fucking pussy. You’re taking me in so well, such a good fucking girl.”

You hiccup a whine at the praise, walls fluttering against the stretch of his dicks.

“Yeah? Like being my good girl,” he nips at your earlobe, “you’re the best I’ve ever had, so fucking lucky. Can’t believe I own a slut who likes being DP’d.”

Your nails dig harshly into his back as your toes curl, his words making you burn hot all over.

“Like that?” He mocks, “like that I own you and your pretty pussy?”

His tail slips between your bodies to spank your clit making you cry out and rock against him harder.

“Leon,” you slur out, tears slipping from your eyes due to overstimulation.

With a groan, he buries both cocks to the hilt inside of your clenching heat. Your pussy feels stretched to the limit, overwhelmed by the sheer size of both of his dicks. You gasp and mewl, feeling like you can’t breathe from being stuffed so full.

“Shh, shhh, I’ve got you,” he kisses your cheek, “taking me so well. Tight little cunt just made for me, huh?”

Not able to think, you just babble out nonsensical words, feeling on the edge of another orgasm. It’s not going to take much to make you cum.

“Aww did I fuck you stupid?” He laughs, “wet little pussy just can’t handle me can she?”

His tail smacks across your pudgy clit and your orgasm slams into you, making you squirt around his cocks, too spread open to clamp down as tight as usual.

“Oh fuck me,” he hisses, grinding himself deeper, making you wail as you continue to gush around him.

“Got your cute little pussy to squirt,” he moans excitedly, “fuck, that’s so hot.”

He growls and you watch as his eyes shine before his body shifts into that monstrous form you saw last night. He’s huge, caging you in with his skeletal and strangely jointed body. You whimper and move your hands up from digging into his shoulders to the horns coming out of the skull he’s wearing now.

He pulls out only to bully his fat cocks back into your well used pussy. Eyes rolling back at the pleasure he’s wringing from your body, you moan and grip his horns tighter making him buck harder into you. A few more thrusts and you’re cumming again with a weak cry, pussy walls fluttering and milking Leon’s dicks.

“My mate,” his distorted voice rumbles, hips fucking roughly into your spasming hole, “gonna breed your little pussy, fill you up with my hot cum.”

All you can do is mewl and whimper underneath his body, feeling as he fucks harder and harder into your cunt until he’s finally burying himself all the way inside. His tips knock and rub against your cervix which set off fireworks behind your eyes as you cum one last time.

Hot thick spurts of cum shoot out and quickly stuff your pussy full. Your abdomen looks bloated from how much Leon’s pumping inside your body. He’s snarling against your neck as he humps your pussy, dumping load after load into you until it’s dripping out around his balls.

You must black out cause the next thing you know, you’re leaning against Leon’s chest in the bath. Whimpering, you weakly grasp onto the hand he has trailing across your stomach.

“Finally awake,” he chuffs against your hair, “how do you feel?”

“Sore,” you croak out, throat feeling scratchy.

One of his hands clasps yours while the other slides across your hip to your swollen pussy.

“Leon,” you whine, “I can’t.”

“Shhh,” he kisses the side of your head, “let me make you feel good, my perfect little mate.”

His fingers quickly tease and rub across your sensitive clit until you’re rocking your hips up with the motion.

“There we go, good girl,” he sighs, “let me play with that cute pussy. Feels so good to have my fingers on your little clit, huh?”

“Mm hmm,” you arch back into his chest, thighs parted until they’re touching the sides of the bathtub.

“Want me to slip inside? Want my cocks to stuff you full of cum again?”

Your body feels molten with the arousal pounding through your veins. He shifts and both cocks are pressed against your cunt between your thighs.

“‘M always so hard around you,” he whines in your ear, “you smell too fucking good, wanna eat you up.”

You shudder as his sharp teeth press against your neck, fingers dipping into your cunt to trail back up and smear slick across your pudgy clit.

“Come on, I know you can cum for me,” he kisses your neck softly.

In next to no time, your thighs shake as an orgasm crests and sweeps through your tired body, making you tense all over before going totally limp against Leon’s body.

“Good girl,” he purrs against your back, hands rubbing at your waist, “can’t wait to take you home.”

Humming, you relax, letting the warm bath lull you into a sleepy state. Leon goes off on a tangent about introducing you to everyone as soon as possible as well as moving you into his house. While you listen to him talk about your new home, you think to yourself that being mated to a monster like Leon isn’t the worst thing in the world.

divider: @firefly-graphics

#lipglossanon #lipglossanonmasterlist #lipglossmasterlist #promptober 2023 #lipglossanon promptober 2023 #monsterfucking #shape shifter/wendigo!leon s kennedy #shape shifter!leon s kennedy #shape shifter!leon s kennedy x fem!reader smut #shape shifter/wendigo!leon s kennedy smut #leon s kennedy #monster!leon s kennedy #monster!leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy smut

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starl3ght · 1 year

Note

hi this is my first time requesting but can I request some fluff head canons of ghost when he has a crush on you. Some NSFW ones if possible. Please?

Sorry this took awhile! I’ve been trying to find the good ways to write this. Anyways here!!

//~Simon “Ghost” Riley having a crush on you~//

A/N: Y’all I ordered my electric guitar. Won’t get here till the 15th🥹🔫 ANYWAYS- Finished this. Alejandro hcs are next!! Make sure to follow for a lot more and drop requests if you want any!!!

MINORS WATCH YOURSELVES!!

SFW

• It took a while for him to realize he liked you

• Let alone love you. The thought scared him

• Obviously at first he tried to push you away because he didn’t wanna hurt you or get attached

• He had to accept it and honestly he felt relieved

• He’ll watch you from afar as you do your activities

• If he sees you smile his heart melts and probably blush

• Soap might catch on to his behavior

• “You keep looking at her mate, I think I know what’s going on.” Soap has a smirk on his face

• Ghost looked at him deadly in the eye “You keep your mouth shut Mactavish, sleep with one eye open sergeant.”

• Soap is scarred for life

• He’ll check on you after missions to see if you’re mentally and physically ok

• You might tease him asking him if he was worried about you

• He can’t control himself when you tease him, he’ll just pat your head and walk off

• He couldn’t hold back anymore and his feelings

• He went to your room a certain night and knocked to get it over with

• You were confused when you opened your door and saw him standing there

• “Ghost?” You asked him curiously. “What’s wrong?” You look at him with gentle concern in your eyes

• He’ll take steps forward to you

• “Stop me please…I won’t be able to do it myself…” he reaches down for his mask and how shock is spread on your face

• He throws it to the side and immediately puts his lips onto yours

• You kiss him back and it feels like a dream, a dream where you could wake up any moment and have to live your boring life

• But no. This is real

• When you pull back you’re panting heavily and he looks at you deeply

• “You did this to me…I can’t work correctly when you look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours, I can’t focus when you talk to me with that angelic voice of yours love. Just do us both a favor and be mine, I’ll make sure I do everything to protect you because I love you too much to let you go.”

• You’re not confused or shocked…you’re relieved

• “It’s about time Simon. It’s about damn time you make me yours”

NSFW

• That confession he told you?

• It made sure it wasn’t a fling

• This man is a gentle dom.

• Will let you top him at times

• Sometimes will be behind, but prefers missionary to look at you

• Now he is very skilled with his tongue, just feeling it inside of you is enough to make you come as you clench around it

• If you’re giving to him, he will not stay quiet

• Releases some shaky breathless moans as you finish him off. His thighs will shake a bit and his abs tighten as he comes in your mouth

• Now probably will go rough if you ask for it

• Not very kinky, will prefer the passion and love he has for you

• Loves when you cry out or moan softly. Now that’s how he knows he’s pleasing you well

• IS SENSITIVE!! Might get overstimulated at some points that he can’t talk well

• Eye contact with him is a must. Missionary and if you’re riding him. He looks deep into your eyes as he tells you he loves you

• Just when you’re both about to cum, he’ll hold both your hands with one of his large ones and clenches the silk sheets next to your head with his other

• Aftercare is good for both of you

• Like I said there might be times he gets overstimulated so you’ll shush him and hold him to your chest when his brain can’t process

• Either you fall asleep right there or he’ll clean you up in the bath

• Will talk with you for a while before he pulls the sheets up to cover yourselves so you can sleep

• Will kiss the top of your head murmuring a ‘goodnight love’ and holds you to his chest

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punksocks · 20 days

Text

Warning Signs That You May Have A Toxic/Karmic Significant Other

Hey everyone, you may have seen my recent post about breaking up with my ex partner after 5.5 years. If not, I’ve been deep in reflection after ending this relationship. My reasons for ending it were that he refused to seek professional help to manage his anger which would come out in constant outbursts of violence (not physical ab*se but hitting walls, kicking furniture, scarring my dog, etc) and his mental health in general. After breaking things off I analyzed our relationship and all the red flags became crystal clear in hindsight. This blog is not only my emotional space to reflect, but also a place to give out advice to make sure you guys feel less alone in the world. So I’ve compiled a list of behaviors that made it clear that in hindsight the relationship was destine to be toxic and could not continue. It’s important to take lessons from painful experiences in order to continue to grow, and that’s what I hope I can help with by sharing my experiences here:

(TW Manipulation, Distressing Themes, Emotional Ab*se)

- They hate your intuition: (they work to make you doubt whatever means you have of self guidance. Whether that’s tarot/astrology, or spirituality in general, or therapy, or your simple gut feelings/reactions to things. They hate them because they know that they’ll be singled out at some point by them so they work to make you not believe in yourself through manipulation/gaslighting. My ex would constantly say the tarot is going to tell me to break up with him, but he never really changed he’d just belittle it and say I was getting weird about spirituality and he’d try to make me doubt myself or choose between the tarot and him. When I asked him to go to therapy he would also say that he was worried the therapist would tell him to break up with me-implying I was the problem. When I would ask him to go anyway he would find a way to avoid it- saying it’s too expensive, too hard to find, he doesn’t have time, etc)

-They constant give you advice that puts you in harm’s way: (My ex always told me I was too quick to cut off people that threw me under the bus and that I was paranoid. When I found out my former business partner was being shady and stealing from me, he told me to keep working with her. I said I had to take things over. He said I had no chance of covering the expenses on my own and that he wasn’t going to help me at all even though he was working a consistent 9-5. I rationalized this as putting too much pressure on him to support me through my apprenticeship over the previous few months, even though by the time we were having this discussion I had picked up a seasonal 9-5 to compensate for starting the business. I still felt guilty because I was asking him to cover the rent at home while I built this business up. I ended up wracking up debt over trying to cover everything myself and he was telling me I was going to fail every step of the way. When I didn’t fail and the business remained open over a year later, he said he had always believed in me every step of the way.)

- They rewrite history (that’s the other thing- when I broke up with him he said it was his idea to open the studio in the first place. This was a lie. A bold one at that. At the time I would have had to become self taught due to dealing with several egotistical mentors (wow thematic) and I looked for positions in other studios and there were none. My ex told me I should “pause” my goals. I told him I’ll open up my own space with another artist. He had a long talking down to me about how we couldn’t afford any of that, and how impossible it was, etc. But I went through with it anyway, effectively doing all the work on my own. He constantly told me what I was doing was crazy. But I made success out of it, thank God. Now my ex is trying to take credit for the whole thing as if I don’t remember what happened. Audacious.)

- Instead of having their own dreams they focus on wearing yours down (I have so many big dreams I want to accomplish and every other idea I shared with my ex was pushed back on or breadcrumbed. I wanted to live abroad, he’d say it’s too expensive but maybe he could find a way to make it work if I stopped putting so much pressure on him. I took over my own business, he told me I shouldn’t do it and should quit while I’m ahead. He would always try to counter every idea I had with a “logical reason” of why it wouldn’t work. He would try to control me by doubting me and in turn trying to get me to doubt myself. I never actually listened to him in hindsight, and when I pushed through successfully he would pretend to have been on my side the whole time.)

-They always compare you to their exes, in bold ways (My ex would always go out of his way to bring up his past relationships. The examples and instances were never appropriate. But one of the first worst early examples was when we were at a show. My friend’s band was playing. In the middle of the set he decided to look up his ex on social media. I was clearly uncomfortable but he continued. Then when we’re talking he brought up a nickname she used to call him that was inappropriate. When I was upset by this he threw a shirt (merch gifted to him by my friend’s band) in the booth almost hitting me with it and he stormed off. He made himself seem like the victim in a situation where he was trying to bait me into starting a public argument and yet made me soothe him afterward.)

- The betrayal of not ever being believed (early on this was another giant red flag in hindsight. I’m black and I tried to explain colorism to him, while I was having a bad experience with it. He’s white and should have been listening and understanding with open ears. Instead he tried to argue me down for being “mean” to light skinned black people. In the experience I was talking about how a mixed femme at work established a boundary with our white bosses to try to avoid racist harm. They let the femme do this without any pushback. I tried to establish the same boundary in the same meeting and those white bosses accused me of actively refusing to do my job. I told my ex this was colorist and that’s when he argued with me about this. He didn’t believe my experiences until he googled “the right articles”. When I brought this up in the future he would say he was just trying to see all black people as equal. It was a pretty disgusting defense.)

- Throwing insults in your face about past trauma (I told my ex about how emotionally abusive my mother was (wow there’s that pattern again) and he would throw this in my face and blame me or compare me to her at the slightest provocation in several arguments. When I was disrespected at work, he would blame me for misinterpreting things. Complaining about how I used him for money whenever I had asked him for help managing the business’ expenses. And so many deep cuts of things he should never said to me and names he shouldn’t have called me if he ever cared about me. He always wrote it off as me misremembering or him meaning it as something else or a distraction tactic of whataboutism -‘what about when you complained that I left dirty clothes on the floor?’ For example. All ways he tried to manipulate me from seeing this pattern of messed up behavior. Every argument he would make us talk in circles until I would have to give up from frustration and exhaustion.)

-They’re full of hot air, and if they seem like they aren’t they’re probably mirroring you (when I broke up with him I stopped hanging out with him pretty much immediately. Although I had to coordinate moving out still, I started keeping my head down to focus on my work. Essentially I had already moved on. I thought we had had deep discussions about the world and life but when I had less to say he had nothing to add. He would just keep filling up the air with anecdotes about nothing and commentary on anything just to keep crossing my boundaries and to try to force me to pay attention to him when it was clear I neither interested or comfortable doing so.)

- They try to force you to become as cynical and jaded as they are (I was never antagonistic per se, but when we were together I had unconsciously started looking/preparing for the worst in every scenario and every person I’d meet. Because of my ex’s toxic influence. Getting along with coworkers? They must be just “kissing up to you” according to him. Like that tv show most people are fond of? No way that has to be trash. Want to try something new? No there can’t be anything good about that. He was a very stuck person that refused to find the joy in almost anything. Unless it was too impressive to ignore —but even then he had to nitpick it apart. I would wonder why his compliments would feel so hollow- it was because he really had trouble seeing the good in anything. Like a day or two after we broke up I was already feeling lighter and more optimistic. When people were kind to me I embraced it easier and in turn every aspect of life got a little brighter. The contempt for others was palatable. Because he expected everyone to be ready to undercut him like he was ready to do to them.)

- Before you know it, they’ll have you romanticizing breadcrumbing behavior (I asked my ex to get on meds for his mental health and to find a therapist so many times over the course of 5 years. 4-5 months before I broke up with him he got on medication. Then after a peace period of a month or so, we were back in a cycle of petty arguments and he was saying the meds don’t work. He didn’t even try to go to therapy until I broke up with him. he got an appointment the next day because he “was trying to win me back” Essentially, he’d never work on himself or actually actively improve things. He’d always make one or two half steps to placate me then complain about how it was too hard and completely impossible to put the work in. Even with the therapy example, he wanted to display that he could make progress in order to win me back. Don’t worry, I had seen this tactic before and knew he would just fall back into toxicity. So, it didn’t work.)

- When you do leave they get cocky about how you’ll have nowhere to go (I leaned on my ex to support me when I became overwhelmed by figuring out my business on my own. I worked several temp jobs in addition to the business but it was stretching me thin. So I needed his help several times and only had so much saved up by the time I broke up with him. After begging me to take him back the entire night and pretending to be supportive, the next day he was scoffing and boasting about how “[he] didn’t even know what [I] was going to do.” He did this over everything from buying my own detergent-even though I always bought the detergent- to managing my bills on my own-even though I usually managed most of my bills on my own- until I finally was able to move out and leave him behind.)

- They never defend you and always make it seem like it’s your fault if you get attacked (My ex was always siding with abusive people and gaslighting me when I noticed that behavior. As many of you may know, my mom was a terror throughout my childhood. I confided in my ex about how much of an impact this had had on me. Before I went no contact with her we all got dinner when she came in town to see me. Despite all my warnings and preemptive begging to be supported through the difficulty of meeting with her my ex threw me under the bus immediately. He laughed at her jokes at my expense and didn’t stop her at all from singling me out. I shutdown in this moment and began to draw to cope- I’m neurodivergent so that’s one of the things I default to doing when I’m overwhelmed. They continued to make fun of me together and when I asked him why he didn’t have my back afterward, he blamed me for “not being friendly enough” and “not interacting with [my] mom enough”. This pattern of doubting and failing to help me would continue through our entire relationship.)

- They’ll have -self aware- moments that aren’t quite what they seem (I truly cannot count the number of times my ex would start an argument just to talk me in circles then try to get me to believe I was in the wrong too. It was truly maddening. He would always push to say he “understood” how we had gotten there. Then ramble on and on and on saying that I was attacking him and he was the victim of things. I asked him to do the dishes? I’m “criticizing [his] housework and putting too much pressure on [him]”. I ask him not to throw things when he’s upset? I’m “overly criticizing [him] and making [him] so anxious he can’t help but hit things”. And on and on and on it went. He would always tidy it up by saying he forgave me because we were “both wrong” and he just “would try to be better next time and [I] should too”.)

-They have underlying personality issues that need to be addressed (and when you bring a hint of these up, they lash out about how you’re attacking them and they throw personal attacks back at you because of their fragile ego. If you -somehow- get them to see a mental health professional you may find them lying about what feedback they got. After I broke up with him he said he’d go to anger management class and find a therapist “to win me back”- funny how it’s after you leave them and set the ultimate boundary they do the work to show you they can hypothetically change and it’s never one of the times you’ve begged before in the midst of madness. Before I moved out I overheard his therapy appointment and she asked about his bipolar diagnosis and he said he was just anxious despite the mood swings. When he came to me to tell me the good news of him finally going to therapy he left that out. When I asked if the therapist knew if he had another disorder he manipulated that. He said the therapist asked if it could be anything else but it was just a brief thought. He framed it that way instead of the consistent behavioral issue it was.)

- Usually they attract drama and chaos but blame you for it as their partner (He always kept his ex around in boundary crossing ways. In hindsight I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated in any way with any of them because of how murky he was about spending one on one time with them. They also will always encourage you to keep other toxic people in your life so they can keep flying under the radar/blaming the other toxic people when you feel drained/etc. When I decided to go no contact with my parents, he second guessed me. When I decided to go no contact with my friends that were harmful, he second guessed me. He went out of his way to call me paranoid and picky and every other name in the book he could. Even after I broke up with him he went out of his way to tell me I was paranoid and should quit tarot reading “because [he] knew it would turn [me] against [him] one day”. I told him his opinion meant less than nothing to me.)

- Whenever you set a boundary they try to undermine it and take it as an attack (When we met, all of my ex’s small circle of friends was made up of people he had dated or slept with. Once his friend, who had flirted with him multiple times, asked to stay in his apartment while she moved out of her place. He offered her his bed. She even had a boyfriend at the time but she went to my ex first. I told him this made me very uncomfortable. He screamed and yelled about how he’ll always choose his friends first and I have to understand that and that she didn’t want to sleep in his bed while he was in it. It was crazy but the whole time he called me dramatic and made me feel insane for being so uncomfortable with it.)

- They may often act out in public over the littlest things (my ex would get absolutely infuriated when there were lines in places. Insane right? Especially living in cities? with other people? And yet whenever we went out I’d have to prepare my mental for the possibility of him getting angry and breaking down because people were waiting ahead of him in line. In hindsight the entitlement he had was overwhelming in itself. The last time we went out to a movie -which was a whole scheduling fiasco in of itself with him during our entire relationship, he was obsessed with movies. I like movies but spending 6-9 hours in a theater? Every week? On top of hours of mandatory movie viewing at home? It was exhausting. He also made me pay for my own monthly movie pass even though it was his thing. Even in covid, although I’m immunocompromised I had to negotiate with him to wait to get vaccinated before he went back to the theater. And to wear a mask in the showings. He would huff and fuss about those small courtesies the entire time. Anyway the last movie we went out to see had a long line but we bought tickets ahead of time. He pitched a fit and kept storming off away from me and threatening to leave over the line. I kept following him foolishly, and coaxed him into staying. Of course there were enough seats and of course he enjoyed the movie. He apologized after for “getting overwhelmed by the line” but that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.)

- It’s all or nothing for them but breadcrumbs for you (I’ve always been clear that I have no plans of staying in the country I’m from. From the start I’ve understood I’m not meant to stay here. And yet I stayed in a city I hated so he could suddenly finish his associates degree. We moved back to my hometown but we lived in the most stressful neighborhood because he “wanted to be downtown with a pool.” He would always complain about every single idea I had to leave the country. I’m thinking about doing a language school or artist residency? He “did long distance with [his] ex who cheated and it would be too hard”. I want to study this language and go to this -easy-place for a visa? He “kept forgetting to study and had no idea how we would ever afford the move.” And on and on it went until I simply gave up on trying to get him to step up.)

- They twist everything to be about them even grief (my grandma was like a mother to me, so it hit me hard when she died. She even told me she was going and thanked me for my friendship at the end. It was still a very difficult period and I couldn’t accept it until it just happened. When I got the call and burst into tears my ex said “I’m so sorry… do you blame me because we stayed here for me to go to school and you couldn’t be home with her?” It hadn’t even been 20 minutes since I learned she was gone. The extent of his selfishness would shock me until I cut him off.)

- They make you bury things they don’t like about your self expression/goals (I’ll use a simple example. I love fairy lights. When we met I had fairy lights and my ex had no complaints. But when we moved in together they ‘would always bother him and give him headaches’. So I took out the lights. Then he got me a glowing lamp I wanted for my birthday but never allowed me to turn it on when we were in the room. I brought the lights I love to my work and my ex would complain about them there too. He’d say he didn’t know why he “just didn’t like spending time at the studio” and then use the lights as an excuse, and then hed complain all day about how exhausting it was to be there. He’d only offer to come to the studio more if I turned them off just for him. All this time later and all of a sudden I don’t have any lights I like up. This didn’t happen for everything, but there were a lot of little things he was so controlling about just to be authoritative about something I liked.)

- They hate it when you have positive things happen to you (and instead of seeing your success as a good thing they see it as you one upping them, so they often express jealousy and then disguise it as a joke. He would “joke” about how I was going to fail so often I lost count. When I had a great day there would always be a hint of disappointment in his voice. He would always undermine it in anyway he could. “Oh you made X amount that’s nice, but that’s not enough to cover the rent”. I got a lot of compliments on my outfits, so he’d say “no one ever compliments me”. Always something to bring me down and try to get me to focus on a worry.)

- They downplay your trauma (I’m a burn survivor. My dad burned me through hot water and neglect as a baby on around 20% of my body. For that and many other reasons I became sort of a local legend for my time in our local child protective services. In a city of well over a million people. Doctors thought I wouldn’t be able to walk again and it was a miracle when I did. My grandmother had to wrap my scars everyday, twice a day for 3-4 years afterwards. She would tell me the pain would make me cry random throughout the night until I went to kindergarten. All that to say, my scars had a BIG impact on my health and my life. When I told my ex about my insecurity he said “sorry that happened, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Crazily at 21 I took that as flattery. It was not, it was severely downplaying the trauma I went through because my ex didn’t care for that part of my life. I even remember thinking I should tag a post as a burn survivor and he said “isn’t that like advertising your burns, why warn people about it?”. I got better and embraced my scars all through my own healing but damn it was all severely fucked up.)

- They usually have a Fatal Flaw they try to make you contend with (My ex had explosive anger where he would hit something (a wall, the couch, his desk, etc) or throw things at any slight provocations, and he would disguise it as a reaction of low self esteem instead. I didn’t realize how bad the conditioning had got until I broke up with him and I wasn’t getting jumpy from him coming home anymore or my dog wasn’t hiding from him anymore. I was walking on eggshells all the time and I only knew it subconsciously. He would also curse at me and call me the meanest names from the smallest arguments, he would get belittling. It’s their signature style to make you feel small and to desensitize you to truly nightmarish behavior.)

- That’s the other thing- most people and sometimes animals can tell they’re off (I would always wonder why my ex never seemed to make a good impression on others. They could tell he was off from the start.)

- They start trying to love bomb you after you give up or when they sense you are finally giving up (I always asked my ex to pay more attention to my business/endeavors/art/etc when we were together, to respond to texts I sent him at work-within reason-, to give me some support or feedback. His replies were always blasé. “That’s nice.” Or “I will.” As soon as I broke up with him. He was complaining that he always missed texting me at work. Then he started getting more involved on my social media pages. Then for the first time in months he watched my story on Instagram completely unwelcomed and unprompted. It was how fake the performance of interest was that really struck me after everything.)

- They always ask for one more chance when you’ve given them at least a hundred chances (Evem when I broke up with him he kept saying “you cut off other people (for being toxic) but I never thought it would be me!” I feel like I’ve already put plenty of examples of this, so I’ll just say this points to the fact that at their base motivation they don’t really respect you or care about you. If someone actually cares about you, they’re going to go out of their way to make you comfortable, to care about your opinions and feedback, from the very start)

- Even when it’s over, they still always try to blame you for their bad behavior. (My ex painted himself as an introvert when he was in a relationship. I had always asked him to make -newer, healthier- friends and to make a social effort. Since the beginning. After we broke up he made an effort to go out to social events. After he went out one day he came back and said “I was such a girlfriend guy, I never went out and socialized!” In turn I said you’re not a girlfriend guy you never cared about what I had to say, if you were a girlfriend guy I wouldn’t have had to break up with you for literally never taking me into account. So that ended that.)

- When it’s over the relief hits you in waves (I didn’t even realize how much I was doing to cope with the hostility and boredom of the relationship until it was over. I stopped overeating, I actually lost my appetite for days. I went from taking edibles every week to not even craving the ones I had. I wasn’t the most indulgent but I was shocked by how immediately I was fine with going cold turkey. My time with myself became even more peaceful. Even before I moved out, I was more creative and productive. I felt the beauty and the optimism of all the little moments deep in my spirit and my glow was brighter than ever before. My ex kept turning to me in despair and asking “how can you be so okay with this??” I answered him indifferently because he wasn’t worth entertaining. But obviously my spirit had been restored, I wasn’t wasting love on anyone that didn’t deserve it anymore. My energy was finally all mine. And I had faith in God that everything would be alright. And it was.)

You slowly but surely realize that you were formed to be a victim of a narcissistic/antagonistic person due to being raised by narcissistic parents and in an environment full of enabling emotionally and verbally abusive behavior. When we met I was so vulnerable. I had moved to a new city on my own, I was in a financially precarious place. The city was The Worst for Black people (tm). I was so desperate for an ally, I caught an energy vampire instead. I’ve healed and learned a lot from this. To be much more deliberate about who I let into my life. To be unafraid of purging and moving on when someone shows you they’re incapable of growth. To not accept crumbs of affection and appreciation. To pour my love into myself first before I let anyone else do the same. So I write all this to say, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that some people are so corrupted to the core that they’d rather destroy you than heal themselves. So… forgive yourself for this experience. Forgive yourself for being a person that just loves and cares about others. That believes in cultivating a world full of warmth and compassion. Don’t let one (or a dozen- ugh the people I’ve had to move on from oml) toxic ass person ruin you and your compassion. I had to forgive myself for believing in a lot of disappointing, inept, bad people. But I won’t stop being kind and compassionate because of those losers. I’ll continue to shine my light on those who need it whenever I’m supposed to. I mean I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rely on anyone again without fear of their self interest but one step at a time, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Anyway, wish me luck on this fresh start. Buy a reading if you want to support me. But yeah, thanks for reading y’all.

#astro observations #astroblr #astro notes #astro community #astrology #lilith astrology #healing #karma #life lessons #false soulmate

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cosplayinamerica · 11 days

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Susumu Kodai from Space Battleship Yamato Cosplayer: @the.yamato.boy Photo : @m_padron15

Funny enough at anime cons, not a lot of people recognize it as the Space Battleship Yamato, they usually just get hyped over seeing a massive ship at a con or war buffs notice the resemblance. Only a couple of people have recognized it. The ones that do though go nuts. The fanbase is fiercely loyal and even at Katsucon, the official Hotel Liason let me store the Yamato in his executive suite! Alas sadly barely anyone in my age group knows what Space Battleship Yamato is.

C2E2 was the first time I ever brought Yamato to a regular comic convention. The amount of people that recognized it there was actually comical. The cherry on top was that most people recognized it as the Argo or Intrepido.

What I'm most appreciative is that it's a way to bond the current generation of anime fans with the old and offers an opportunity to explore anime history.

Yamato started out as a binding point with my dad and I. He’s always been there for me but was a mystery at the same time. When I was like 2-3~ish my family still had an old Quasar TV with a built in VHS tape player. This was the kind of TV where you could feel your eyeballs melting out from the TV static. Anyway we had a singular VHS tape of Star Blazers- specifically the episodes where Argo uses the asteroid ring and then says goodbye to your families. As a certified Scooby-Doo fan, seeing #1 a cartoon with actual camera angles and cinema techniques was mind blowing to me and really stuck out, #2 there was a journey. The episodic countdown made me so mad because I knew I was only watching a piece of something bigger. My dad realized this and for my 5th birthday he bought me a full DVD set of all the episodes from Season 1. Afterward I drew little Yamato’s everywhere.

Eventually the spark that was Star Blazers would erupt into a burning flame that has become my love for Yamato. A couple of years ago my Grandpa was fighting with terminal lung cancer. We lived in America and he lived in South Korea so commute was tough and I didn’t get to see him all the time. During this time I was also getting bullied a lot and my mom thought it’d be good if I finished my elementary school years in Korea with my cousins so we moved there for a bit. I was a total fish out of water but a lot of my friends built Gunpla. I had no idea what a gundam was so I decided to research and went to Gundam Base Side 3 which is in Downtown Daegu. Remember the remake just came out at this time so there was a huge display dedicated to Yamato 2199. I really wanted a Yamato and had a meltdown in the store, like a full tantrum. I remember coming back to my apartment with my mom and just thinking non stop about it.

The week following, my grandpa took me instead and I’m guessing my mom told me how badly I wanted it because he got me not only a 1/1000 Yamato 2199 kit, but also the Garmilus 3 ship model pack. I was absolutely overjoyed and would not stop playing with that. The kit was later destroyed after a smaller big shelf collapse. He also died about a year afterward. It serves as a core memory and a reminder of him. As I shifted more into model building I dived more into gunpla until I was about 15. Highschool sucked. A lot.

The transition into being a freshman took a lot on my mental health. I got assaulted and the stress of everything caved in and I tried to take my own life. It’s a lot to Unpack and I’m not super comfortable talking about it, but it’s nessacary because of what happened.

Basically I got sent to outpatient which is like full time therapy sessions but school length. As cliche as it sounds, I brought a small Yamato with me. In order for it to fit comfortably in my pocket I froze super glue all over the fins and sharp bits so I would stab myself in the thigh on accident, iykyk.

One of the things they told us in outpatient as a coping mechanism was that if we ever felt as bad as we did previously, think about the small things, and try on focus things that we would want to stay for. Well oh boy let me tell you, Yamato 2202 was coming out at this time and because of the format they were doing the movie part releases so 4 episodes every 4 months I think and I kept convincing myself that if I was gone, I would not see the end.

The ending of 2202 not only brought around the end of that purpose but also wholly changed my outlook on my life. “The planets only stay in their places, only we have the power to give them beauty.” – Teresa of Telezart

To say the ship had an impact on my life is an understatement. It was a reason to live at one point. On March 2nd/3rd when the announcement of Matsumoto’s passing came out I was absolutely devasted. I didn’t eat or sleep the following couple of days.

not a lot of people still know Yamato so in order to make conversation with other anime fans I picked up other shows but Yamato largely was my heart and soul. Matsumoto’s passing was what urged me to finally start. I wanted to build something that would not only bring me closer to Matsumoto but would hopefully give Yamato what it had given me- another life- sort of- maybe a little too dramatic, interpret that as you do idk.

I want more people to watch Yamato and understand its message. We live in a day and age of constant bickering and isolation. We are all cogs in an economic machine. While we get blinded by work and debate, Yamato exists to teach people that it’s important to have dreams, to chase love and that maybe we can break out of our predicament – To truly know that you’re not alone is the meaning of Love, and that we must meet the challenge and the impossible will become possible – And finally, there is no one right-way to live – are all things that Yamato teaches.

#cosplay stories #c2e2 #cosplay #space battleship Yamato

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kingusukaras · 8 months

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some (mildly disjointed) thoughts i had about the translation of most recent leona overblot scene from the second twst novel. unsaid disclaimer is obvi these are just my thoughts and youre free to disagree. i cant stop you

read more because i might ramble a bit 💆🏾‍♀️

i'll start by saying that i'm very grateful for the novel & yuureis translations, bc its given me so much to chew on wrt leonas psyche and mental state, much more than book 2 in the game did. i havent bothered to go looking for reactions tho, bc i can already kind of predict the takes i'll find (knowing how parts of the fandom talks abt leona generally) - and i do "get" it, in the sense that i do also feel the way he tortures ruggie before he overblots is upsetting - but theres so much to dig into here, i feel like its such a waste to get hung up on obsessively moralizing

(i'll mention here that to formulate these thoughts i'm also pulling from the translation of leona's post-overblot scene, plus some moments from the game that i'll mention specifically as i go)

for example, the things leona says pre-overblot, his meltdown about dreams being stupid and useless, how the savanaclaw students (ruggie included) aren't meant to question him; they're meant to obey quietly, sound less like actual things he's trying to tell them and more like him lashing out at himself. as in, he's more talking at them, not to them. skipping forward to book 6: there we see leona give jamil advice, but the implication underneath is that everything he's telling jamil are things leona wishes he had internalized himself - again here, he's talking to someone, but really it's also directed inwards. almost like it's easier for him to look at (and speak about) himself critically when he can externalize it as critique of other people

the other thing im curious about is the distant, detached persona he adopts when he's truly angry. this'll be quick because i don't feel i have enough information to unpack it properly, but if i allow myself to spin thoughts out from limited information: it could almost be a habit he picked up as a child - something he might've forced himself to learn as part of an effort to be seen as more of a 'model' prince. if people were afraid of his moodiness because they feared what his UM (he) could do, then if he swallows those emotions maybe he can mitigate that. this, ofc, being shot through with the expectation that, as royalty, any order he gives people will obey

the final thing, for this post at least, is unpacking the way leona lashes out at ruggie when ruggie defies him. i'm willing to make the very safe bet that most of the reading of this moment is focused on leona being angry over being defied at all, or general disgust at how small and weak ruggie is (appears) to be. and while i think both of those points have some element of truth to them, i think the larger aspect of leonas reaction is jealousy. ruggie somehow, despite everything, despite all of the disadvantages life has thrown at him, still has the courage to have determination. and i want to be very clear here: this is not me saying being poor or struggling is admirable because it makes you strong - i'm not naive and i'm not here to romanticize poverty. what i am trying to say here ruggie's tenacity - a tenacity his life circumstances developed in him - is something that leona lacks, and that's what he's jealous of. he's jealous of his inability to keep having that hope, to maintain that courage in the face of his own repeated failures

(an aside: isn't it ironic that part of the reason ruggie has that tenacity is leona? leonas tutoring, leonas effective leadership of the spelldrive club, and as housewarden?)

(an aside 2x: in many ways, 'giving up' can be seen as a luxury. ruggie does not have the luxury to give up, because it could very well mean that he doesn't eat that day. for leona, regardless of what he does he's going to have a roof over his head and three square meals a day anyway, so what does it matter if he gives up? sure, he won't be happy, but he'll be comfortable in a material sense, and isn't that enough? except, of course, it isn't - not for him. as much as he tries to deny it, he's as fiercely ambitious as the rest of his dorm)

#king's meta #twisted wonderland #twst leona #leona kingscholar #disney twisted wonderland #every new translation post gives me so much more to mull over i love it #thank you yuurei

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blueicequeen19 · 1 year

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Dirty Hot Pogue Pt. 7

Warnings: mentions of abortion, parental angst, implied mental health issues, no smut in this one.

Series ML

No one tells you how to deal with heartbreak. They don't tell you how to deal with public humiliation. Or disappointed parents. No tells you how to pick up the pieces when you're spiraling, looking for anything to numb the pain. Some people use sex or drugs or alcohol. Others pretend. They pretend nothing happened. They pretend they don't care while burying every crippling emotion that might kill them if they don't.

So that's what I did. I told my parents I was going through a phase and I needed time away from OBX. My mother and I spent two weeks in Europe after I threw my phone in the ocean, cutting my ties off from the outside world. It didn't stop my ability to dream and lust over a certain blonde. No matter what I did, I always saw his face in every shaggy haired blonde I saw. So I made it a point to avoid blondes. Then it was guys with blue eyes. Eventually it became guys in general. The thought of kissing someone, let alone flirting, made me sick to my stomach. Time away from OBX only made the sickness that is JJ Maybank stronger. I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what he was doing. Who he was talking to. Was he okay?

But I couldn't move on if I was constantly worried about him so I took up a hobby. Every time I started to think about him, I'd go for a run or read a book. I made myself okay. I did what I needed to in order to survive without him. I knew I was incredibly insecure but hearing him tell me that they didn't work out because she would always be a Kook, hit too close to home. It was almost like deja vu. Who were we kidding? I'd never have anything with him that wasn't physical. We wouldn't be able to get married and start a family. My family would never allow it. We would be miserable and doomed to fail anyway. I did the right thing. I pursued this and I had to be the one to end it.

So after I got back to OBX, I stepped back into my old life like I'd never left. Summer was over and everyone went back to school. I made sure to stay on Figure Eight and I busied myself with online schooling and running. I made amends with my parents and I even gave my Kook "best friend" permission to see Bryce, although I know they were already sleeping together. I never once see him or his friends. My life easily becomes a routine of pleasing my parents, school, running, and hiding on Figure Eight. I stay away from parties and I stay away from men.

Although, most of the guys my age that are still here whisper "Pogue Slut" every time they see me. Like they can sleep with Pogues but I can't. I'm eight weeks into my self recovery, enjoying a backyard BBQ with my parents and a few of the neighbors when the smell of cooked meat as my stomach turning so violently, I barely make it to my mothers favorite rose bush before I'm emptying my stomach.

At first, I think it's the champagne as I try to hold my hair back and my mother comes to my aid. Well, she's more concerned about her plant but she awkwardly pats me on the back as some sort of comfort. But then, as she's ushering me inside I hear someone mention the word "pregnant" and I quickly lock eyes with two girls my age who are whispering together while openly judging me with their eyes. I glare at them over my shoulder as my mother attempts to hide me inside. I can hardly think, let alone breathe as she guides me upstairs, muttering plans that I can't quiet make out.

"We have to take care of this." She gets me to my bedroom, taking out her phone and calling someone.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. Everything is running together in my mind. I'm on birth control. I can't be.. It's just the champagne. That BBQ did smell terrible. Why is everyone making a big deal?

"Hello? Dr Thornton? Yes, this is Y/F/N's mother. I need to schedule an abortion." My eyes widen in disbelief, my mothers frantic words into the phone fade out as I turn and empty my stomach again.

"You're 22 weeks." The final nail in my coffin as the ultrasound tech turns the screen, letting me see the life forming inside me. Apparently, my birth control expired. I'd ignored the phone call from the doctor and all the unprotected sex finally caught up with me.

"You're sure?" My mother demands, making me grit my teeth as the tech awkwardly nods and shows her the screen, the baby's size being evidence enough. I couldn't believe what I was seeing as the baby kicked and moved in every direction. They said I should start feeling it anyday.

"So it's too late to have an abortion."

"Mom!" I sit up abruptly, the tech scooting back as I debate throwing something at my mother.

"Y/N, don't you scream at me. Do you even know who's child this is? Do you realize what you've done? You've humiliated me in front of the entire town!" Her words are like a knife to the heart, cutting my walls down all over again. She was worried about herself. About her reputation. Not me.

"I know who the father is." I say calmly, wiping away stray tears.

"How? I saw you in Europe flirting with all those guys. Anyone of them could--."

"I didn't sleep with a single one of them! I was just talking! I was being friendly. I was trying to have some nice adult conversations that didn't revolve around what a fuck up I am!"

"Y/N--."

"Get out! GET OUT!" I scream, just as the door opens and a nurse escorts my mother out. I lay back on the table, crying harder than I ever had in my life. It's not until the tech offers me a box of tissues that I laugh awkwardly, drying my tears and snot before she continues with the rest of the exam.

"Would you like to know the sex?" She asks, handing me the pictures she's printed out. Tears start to fall again at the distinct face in the picture. The face belonging to the baby inside me. I could already see his features in the baby. The uncanny resemblance has me already knowing what the gender is.

"Yes."

I show up at JJ's house, hoping like hell his dad's not here when he suddenly emerges out of the back door. It's late, my car packed full of my belongings after my parents promptly kicked me out for not agreeing to give the baby up for adoption. JJ was my next stop. Seeing him again had all those unresolved feelings rushing back. I wanted to beg him to forgive me. I wanted to apologize but this wasn't about me. This was about our baby. JJ was the father and deserved to know. He deserved to have a say.

"Are you lost?" JJ snaps, as I step out of the car. Apparently, all the running I'd taken up had toned me down quite a bit so I wasn't showing yet. I had a slight curve from the side but that was it. No one would believe I was pregnant despite being over halfway. So I wasn't giving it away as I slowly approached him on his back porch. Plus, he wouldn't believe me without proof.

"No. I'm exactly where I need to be." I exhale hard, ready to just rip the band aid off when a leggy brunette emerges from the door just as I pull the ultrasound pictures from my pocket. My eyes lock on her but JJ's lock on what's in my hand. My first thought is to immediately retreat. He's moved on. He won't want a family with me but I quickly snap out of it when he snatches the pictures from my hand.

"What the fuck is this, Y/N?" JJ gasps, his blue eyes wide as he searches the pictures. The girl leans in close, obviously not concerned with me before she purses her lips while nodding as she examines the pictures too. Anger washes over me. How dare some skank lean over him and openly examine ultrasounds of my baby.

"Congrats, cuz." It's like a bucket of water is poured on me as she claps him on the back and steps off the porch, grabbing a bike I hadn't seen and riding off.

Cuz. She was his cousin.

"Y/N, answer me. Is this--are you--." JJ's frantic blue eyes meet mine and I can't do anything but nod, tears streaming down my face.

"This says you're 22 weeks. Why didn't you--."

"I just found out." I sob, sinking down on the porch step as I bury my face in my hands. Thanks to the pregnancy, I found out I'm also extremely hormonal.

"It's a--."

"Yes." JJ slowly sits down next to me. I glance over at him, seeing the slight smirk on his face as he slowly shakes his head before looking at my packed car.

"Parents kicked you out, huh?"

"Yea."

"Mine too." JJ sighs, leaning back on his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him. "I just put a down payment on a one bedroom apartment."

"I don't have any money." I murmur, the tears threatening to fall again. I was pregnant with no parents, no money, and no place to live. I was hopeless. The warmth of JJ's hand finds mine and he squeezes.

"Welcome to the Pogue life, baby." I sniffle, squeezing his hand back when his brows pinch together and he withdraws his hand.

“Look, we will figure this out but I don’t trust you. I can’t just welcome you back with open arms just because your life is a dumpster fire. I’m not a last resort. I told you that from the beginning.” I nod, absorbing his words as I take a deep breath, exhaling my old life.

“I love you, JJ. I have since the beginning. I’m sorry it’s taken all this for me to tell you. We can figure this out together but I want you to know that I love you and I’m all in. Whether you are or not.”

#smutwarning #outer banks smut #jj maybank smut #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #obx2 #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x you #jj obx #rudy pankow #outer banks x reader #outer banks fanfiction

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ohplagg · 6 months

Text

I Love Yoo Timeline Part 1/4

The Evidence Part 1

This is part 1 of 4 of my I Love Yoo Timeline as of Episode 241.

Part 1 and 2 consists of laying out all the detailed evidence with descriptions, screenshots and episode number.

Part 3 consists of explaining the evidence, connecting the dates and some math because the I Love Yoo universe (or as I like to call it, Yooniverse) uses letters instead of numbers to represent official years.

Part 4 is the I Love Yoo Timeline.

----

Seeing Nessa alive in Kousuke's flashback of his highschool graduation day made me question everything I though I knew about the timeline so I have read, reread, and re-reread this webtoon; I've researched old reddit and tumblr posts, Quimchee's old Curious Cat answers, the wiki, and so much more.

(Just in case someone is worried, all information presented is free and publicly available. I was told that in Quimchee's patreon I could possibly find more exact information but I decided against looking there since I wouldn't be able to share my findings outside of patreon and my goal is for everyone who is a fan of I Love Yoo to be able to see this mega post.)

Because of the huge ammount of information I've decided to split my original post in 4 different parts so it's easier for everyone (including myself) to come back and find the information without having to endlessly scroll.

I encourage you all to go read/reread I Love Yoo with the new information you learn with this timeline in mind because oohhh boy does the story hit different. (Also take that opportunity to like all the episodes to support Quimchee!)

----

Turns out there's a lot of information in a 7+ year old, 240+ episode long webtoon; who would have though? Not me!

Anyways, there's so much information scattered all over the place and everything is so connected to everything that it was hard to organize it.

The evidence and information is in ' Whatever Order I Remembered It' order , but even so I tried my best to keep it organized by categories.

----

Episode 222 News articles

Here we got a lot of information in the presentation of news articles. So I'll keep this information as it's own category.

Let's read them up close.

Let's start with "Randulph Hannesson appointed as temporary Chairman of Hirahara Corp"

In it, it states how in March 27, 20WZ Rand gets appointed as temporary Chairman of the Board. At the same time, according to the public, he is "seeing" (dating?) Yui. Before becoming temporary Chairman of the Board (which we know he became permanent) he was CFO of Hirahara Corp. And before that he "founded a successful finance firm, Hannsesson Finance, which Hirahara Corp. has since acquired."

Now let's focus on the newspaper that's right under. In it, it talks about how an ilegal immigrant woman was found dead (assumed to be suicide) and her son is no where to be found. All arrows point to this woman being Nessa, Nol's mom.

It doesn't have a title but it does have a date. Newspapers normally publish these type of news the following morning from which the news happened meaning that Nessa died December 21st, 20XP

No wonder Nol hates his birthday week.

On the US Asia Daily Herald newspaper, "Chairman of Investment Giant Hirahara Corp to Step Down." When Rand was still CFO he was one of the witnesses that helped Young-Chul Kim be held accountable for all the SA he did. So that's where Nol got his sense of respecting and standing up for women. And that this happend in Octobre 31st, 20WY

Not really adding information to the timeline but just in case someone doesn't know, Yu-Jing has the police department interview transcripts for Nessa's death investigation

Lastly we have "Prestigious Prep School Closes SA Investiagtion With No Charges Filed" where it states that on March 20XW the 16-month long investigation of 50 years of SA with over 100 cases was basically dismissed.

Right before Nol was sent to the mental facility

Episode 150

Episode 150 starts with a flashback right after the brother incident where Nol is getting locked up in the mental facility ambulance. (This is confirmed in episode 210 because the dialogue matches up with the one in Kousuke's flashback)

And right after the flashback we get this news article that Yu-Jing has. "Troubled Child, Aftermath of the Hirahara Extra Marrital Affair."

So now we know that the brother incident that got Nol into the mental facility happened 1 year after the supposed marriage reconciliation between Yui and Rand.

Episode 210

We see a glimpse of the immediate aftermath of the incident.

It happened at night while raining.

Kousuke doesn't know what happened.

Yui's hand is bruised.

Nol is taken directly to the "Hirahara Mental Health Institute"

I'm very proud of my following discovery

The trees have no leaves.

Why is leafless trees so important and why am I so proud of my finding? Because trees lose their leaves during the Fall and by Winter they are completely leafless. This whole scene has all trees leafless meaning that it's winter. But hold on, it can't be winter winter because it's raining and not snowing. Bingo. It's early winter. And winter starts December 21st.

Episode 239

The pain I felt reading this after I figured out when in the timeline this happens.. my heart hurts.

This is the brother incident (at least the start of it).

Nol had no prior connection/relationship to the Hirahara's before this (he used the address on the letter's Rand send his mother to find them)

Nol went to Kousuke's house because he needs help, because he has no where else to go because his mother is gone.

If you're having a hard time keeping up, all this basically means the night Nessa died Nol went to look for Rand and his other family for help which is also the same night the brother incident happened which got Nol locked up in the Mental Facility which is why in both news articles Nol's whereabouts are unknown, because he was immediately taken away. (and all of this happened on his birthday :D).

After Nol got out of the mental facility

Episode 99

Nol presents himself using the name Yeong-gi.

Dieter and Nol met on the summer right before their first year of highschool.

Dieter met Nol before Soushi did.

At this moment in time it's been 5 years since Nol last saw his mom.

Episode 157

Nol was trying to befriend Soushi at the same time Kousuke was still in college.

Episode 155

Nol got out of the Mental Facility "roughly 6 years ago"

Nol spent "almost 2 years" inside the mental facility.

Kousuke mentions that the Yeong-gi name was something he started using after he came out of the Mental facility.

Episode 205

A while after Nol got out of the mental facility, Nana arrived.

"Until recently, I've been by myself."

Episode 129

Nana and Yui met for the first time after 5 years

-------------

This is just part 1 of 4. Go keep reading:

Part 2: The Evidence Part 2

Part 3: Math and connecting the dots

Part 4: The Timeline

#i love yoo #i love yoo webtoon #quimchee #shin ae yoo #kousuke hirahara #nol hirahara #yeong gi hirahara #yui hirahara #nolan lochlainn #rand hirahara #ilyoo #webtoon #i love yoo timeline

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helpfandom · 1 month

Text

Yandere Stobotnik x Platonic Reader Warnings and Talks!

VERY LONG

CW FOR ENTIRE FIC: Kidnapping, Violence, Implied murder, Explicit murder, Swearing, Death, Trauma, and explicit / implicit threatening. I WILL PUT WARNINGS AT EACH CHAPTER AS WELL.

This is mostly going to be me talking about the book's plot and characters in detail, but if you don't want to know what I have in mind and want to go ahead and read, the first chapter should be up when I publish this just know that this(this being the overview chapter) is like ~4.6 pages.

My hope is that my writing is realistic, the world is not a "perfect world" where the only thing wrong is the Yandere itself. I will try to make it be realistic in how people talk, stutter, need clarification after hearing sentences, have tics (verbal + nonverbal) and have things wrong with them. A preposterous idea, I know, but I plan on the MC having trauma about Robotnik and [the plot of the book], I plan on people having a reaction out of things. In the second movie, some of what they wanted to do with the human characters honestly sucked, there isn't much of the human reactions to stuff that wasn't played as a joke [Wade being held hostage by a man who is honestly, much smarter than anyone else - it was just played as a joke, I get it, Sonic 2 was a comedy, but I plan on something a little different.]

Anyway, I have way to many ideas for this, so it's less likely to be coherent the more this goes on unless I can make up my mind. I decided to make this because it's been on my mind and I haven't seen any for this man soo... I honestly really love Platonic and Romantic Yanderes but Platonic Robotnik has been on my mind lately.

Y/n ideas: What I have in mind for Y/N is that they are a little ambiguous depending on certain things ( Such as preference [Theatre kid, Band kid, Dog preferring, Cat preferring, etc.] or looks [Hair, Skin tone, Body type, etc.]) But have defined traits as personality goes; a Chronically online or a bookworm MC, Y/n is in fact going to be a chronically online MC 1, for the fun of it, and 2, because I can't think of a different personality that may go along with the personality that of Robotnik and Stone. MC will also have 2 mental illnesses (both of which I have been diagnosed with) because I know that it will come out in my writing because of my basis of MC, which I reference to myself. I have been diagnosed with OCD, and anxiety.

(OCD has different types, mine is more pattern than cause related, ex: Hyper focus on a pattern [numbers, pages, days, etc.] or if I don't sit in the same spot everyday then I get bad luck. A good example of passive OCD would be Yes Man featuring Jim Carrey ( *Spoiler to Yes Man* as he notices when he says no, he either gets hurt [him falling down the stairs and the dog after saying no to the old lady] or something bad happens, causing him to notice such patterns and develop a fear of saying no). Sorry I just get mad when people say OCD is just washing your hands a lot or everything has to be neat, because they don't know or bother to learn. OCD is more than that, it is about having control in your life.

ANYWAY, as you may have noticed with the previous paragraphs, I tend to break them up according to how long they are or the information given, not 3-5 sentences, I also have a habit of putting a lot of commas in, but to me, they need to be where if you were speaking, you would take a pause because of how the English language is spoken.

To bring me back to my point of Y/n's character, I said that Y/N would be a Chronically online MC, what I mean by that is they are not so chronically online that they start arguments for the sake of it, more so that they don't know how to talk or interact outside of it, so they bring the internet into their personality by: recreating memes that they found funny in order to seem appealing to the person they are trying to befriend, bringing up things that they found on the internet, specifically talking about fandoms and outside of that, have a hard time trying to talk to people and purposefully bring the subject back to something that they can talk about, and end up being more rude than they mean to because it's the internet, of course there are mean people, so you end up being more rude than you expect in real life because you expect the same hostility that people show online to show in the real world.

On the point of me trying to be ambiguous, I will try to be as ambiguous as I can when writing so that you can leave things to your interpretation of your version of Y/N, such as: "It's a glowstick from one of my performances … " This leaves it up for interpretation as to what performance it was, such as a theatre play, an art show, band show, choir, sports, etc. As to what Y/n looks like, I don't think I particularly care, or will provide such instances minus hair being mentioned occasionally. However, I must mention that I will be having the second language that Y/N knows / is learning is German, so that I don't have to rely on Google translate, I may mess up occasionally though, I am still learning.

I forgot to write the backstory so here's a general overview: Mom + Dad = dead. -So mom dies from a heart attack when you were three, Dad dies in service of the military so then Tom took you in and you have been living there for some number of years, Uh, Age is around 14-15. Smart enough to shut the fuck up when needed but not so smart that they are on Genius levels or anything. Tom, Maddie and Y/n's relationship is loosely based off of me and my parents, just going to force more awkwardness in because Y/n is a technical adoption, however Y/n is comfortable enough to open up, Y/n won't open up about their imposter syndrome or call them "Mom" or "Dad" because Y/n still misses their biological family.

I think that's it on Y/N for now.

Robotnik ideas: Of course Robotnik will be OOC because of the nature of Yandere, but I will try to keep to both my idea of this version of Robotnik and the Fandom's version. In my head there is a clear difference between the two movies and their versions, The first movie version has a poised, regal villain, that slowly delves deeper into rage as the one opponent, one enemy of his that will not die (and also the fact that Sonic can be the one thing that can power the machines without needing batteries or man made electricity, thus creating the world that Robotnik wishes to have, a world with just him and his machines, but Sonic won't let that dream be fulfilled no matter how "righteous" the dream is.) - based off of previous aggression issues stated before from Robotnik threating Tom, as well as the bully and the one dude in the bar. The second movie, however, is much different in the way that he feels like a villain that has now had everything taken away from him and he is now on his last nerve and has snapped at some point in time.

Stone Ideas: Of course, it'll be easy to stay with my version of Stone because a lot of fans agree that Stone is in love with Robotnik, this make him an easy character to stick with, especially with so few lines compared to others related to the plot.

Plot/ notes to keep me on track and not go off the rails with a sonic fanfiction

This will go through both Movie 1 and Movie 2.

We have some set up in the first chapter, show people what it'll look like with Y/N in the movie, also show what it was like with Y/N there, show some of Y/n personality and show off the personality with the rest of the cast. I guess Sonic shows up too-?.

So Y/n is more of a scaredy cat; instead of Y/n constantly being 'sassy' to Robotnik or Stone, Y/n understands the amount of danger that they are in -especially after Tom is labeled as a domestic terrorist.- and would rather come out of this relatively trauma free which leads to Y/n being more of a doormat then intended.

This means that Y/n will be quiet and less outspoken after a certain point because Y/n knows when to shut up and be a people pleaser - this does not mean that Y/n is submissive, just smart enough to shut up.

After the interaction with Tom, Y/n gets scared of Robotnik a little, it is kinda scary to see someone who just threatened to torture your parental guardian, and seeing them have the power to call someone a domestic terrorist, therefore the ability to do virtually whatever to the little town or the people in the name of protecting the country, you of course, wish to not piss said person off, which kickstarts a little portion of why Robotnik gets obsessed with Y/n and Stone.

Something that I noticed about the second movie is that no one seems to care that Stone, someone who is working for the government, actively tried to kill the blue blur, gets to stay at town and everyone's fine with this? Sonic doesn't have any aggression or grudges against someone who wanted to take him apart? No, not in my fanfiction.

My apologies if you made it this far, I realize that I went Essay mode on this stupid sonic fanfiction. Thank you for reading (or scrolling) this far down. :)

#platonic yandere #yandere x reader #platonic x reader #tw yandere #x reader #platonic #yandere #headcanon #yandere sonic the hedgehog #yandere stone and robotnik #yandere stobotnik #yandere stone #yandere overview #helpfandom #helpfandom's writing

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stormyoceans · 5 months

Note

The dark season is nice for some, but quite hard for others.

To tackle this, we're launching once again this year's "Secret Helpers" and everyone is invited to join in!

How does it work?

It's very simple!

Choose 5 fan works. It doesn't matter whether they are gifs, video edits, fanarts, metas, analyses or fanfictions. Do you have something that has completely changed, inspired, destroyed or touched you? THAT'S what you need!

And now it goes on

Step 2: Write feedback to the creator of your favorite. No matter how long, how short, no matter what language, no matter if anonymous or under your official account, write what you liked and why. Jump over your shadow and let them know that this work of theirs has given you a good time.

Step 3: Spread "Secret Helpers" anonymously to others. No matter who you come across on tumblr or elsewhere on the internet, whether mutual or random, send them the instructions and let them keep spreading good news.

A lot of things are not going well lately. So we try to let those who give us a little break in the chaos know that we're glad to have them.

FAQ:

I have only seen one fan work that I liked. - No problem, write to the person anyway.

Isn't that weird? - Nope. (We are on the internet. Everything is kinda weird and ey, you don’t have to use your official account to send the feedback)

There. Are. TOO MANY! - 5 is a minimum number. If you have the time, write to as many as you want, everyone will be happy to get some compliments on their work!

The creators I like are all totally unknown - Especially for fanartists who don't get much feedback yet, each of those is worth its weight in gold. The fanfiction is amazing, but only has 2 comments? Become number 3! The fanart has 36 likes, but looks like a fucking work of art? Write that to the creator! Motivation is all babeyyy, regardless of whether it's the fandom favorite or someone completely new.

Have fun and good luck Secret Helpers!

THIS IS SUCH A LOVELY PROJECT!!!!!!!!! it's so important to spread positivity, especially to content creators who often have to deal with a lack of feedback and their works getting stolen, so im glad you gave me the chance to do this by sharing it with me, anon, thank you!!!!!!

i think that to follow the rules of the project i should probably write to the creators in private or by sending them an ask (?), but to try to give them more visibility and help them reach new people who maybe aren't familiar with their works yet, i thought i could talk a little about some of my favorites here (not that i have that many followers but you know. also for the two creators who aren't on tumblr i WILL make sure to leave them a nice comment too), so here we go!!!!!

in no particular order:

the entire vice versa web weaving series by @daymork. i tell you i wish i could have all these edits collected in one of those fancy ass art books with a hard cover that cost almost a hundred bucks just so that i could flip through it at any given moment to contemplate the beauty of said edits and cry myself to sleep holding it to my chest as i think about puentalay. i have no idea how jessi did it but every single quote she used for these is so perfect that no matter how many times i reread them they never fail to reduce me to a sobbing mess of a woman who is in dire need of receiving mental health care provided by professionals in an institutionalized setting. my point is. i love them. i love them a lot.

the quote by ocean vuong last twilight edit by @morkofday. i could literally put any of vish’s vice versa edits here because it’s like they’re all specially crafted to deal as much emotional damage as humanly possible to me personally, but in the end i decided to pick this one because, to this day, it’s still my favorite last twilight edit ever made. there's just something about it that stayed with me since i first saw it a whole year ago (im not even kidding when i say i think about it an average of twelve times per day) and even if it was done based on the mock trailer alone, vish was somehow able to perfectly capture the spirit of the show, not just by using that particular quote (which is incredibly spot on like when day and mork were talking about tenderness in episode 4 i thought of this edit right away and had to go punch through a wall to cope) but also because of the colors and the pictures that she chose.

the the man who can't be moved puentalay gifset by @seatawinans. you think episode 11 of vice versa has already reached the pinnacle of life altering emotional devastation and cathartic experience, and then you see this gifset and suddenly you find yourself decaying into subatomic particles to cope, committing grand scale larceny and arson to deal, and doing daily affirmations like 'this is affecting me a normal amount! :)' in front of the mirror every morning to survive. truly i have no words to properly express just how much the 'thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet/and you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street' lines over the glasshouse scenes make me sick in the head, it's the parallelism romanticism soulmatism of it all and somehow cassi managed to make it worse (read: better).

the underneath the stars by the cure morkday fanart by twitter user @bleu1te. i honestly love all of bleuité's puentalay and morkday works so much, there's just something so soft and tender in the way this artist draws them that every time i look at their art it gives me the same feeling of safety and comfort that i so deeply associate with these two pairings. i picked this one in particular because i fell in love with it as soon as i saw it, i love the colors, i love the starry sky behind them, i love their expressions, and most of all i love the hand placement. idk how to explain it, but i think the way they're touching just really conveys how much they adore each other.

the enchanted by taylor swift morkday video by twitter user @jimmyseagatitos. you know when someone punches you in the stomach and it hurts so much that you just start laughing hysterically? this is the closest description i can give to try to explain what this video did to me on a psychological emotional spiritual mental and physical level. and because apparently im a masochist i've been rewatching it only like 92649626 times in the span of three days. i also think it's pretty damn genius to end the edit on the 'i'll spend forever wondering if you knew' line of the song because it leaves everything unspoken just what mork never got to say.

this is obviously very far from being a comprehensive list (especially since my memory is pretty bad and my main interests are currently very limited ;;;;), so for the next couple of weeks i will try to reach out to my favorite creators (in private this time, i promise) and give them some love!!!!! and if anyone sees this, please consider doing it too!!!!!

#im not good at writing comments and i should have probably waited to do this on a day where i felt better about my english and my words but #i know myself and i would end up procrastinating this so i still wanted to try to do something #i've also never done something like this so please let me know if i did something wrong!!!!#secret helpers #m: ask #last twilight the series #vice versa

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tryslora · 4 months

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ND Creative: Time, Focus, Organization

Time, focus, and organization can be complicated things as an ND creative.

Objectively, I know what I need to do. I know all the steps. I even know that in order to get it done, I have to list out all of those steps, note how long each will take and their dependencies, then reorganize them into a timeline.

Then I stare at the screen, or the piece of paper, and my brain just stops. Says nope. Hits the mental and emotional back button to get the hell out of that mode.

Makes it kind of hard to get anything done.

I’m currently struggling with this exact thing on multiple levels. Why am I blogging about it? Well, I’m hoping that if I talk about the places where I’m stuck, maybe I’ll become unstuck.

Oh, the funny ways we try to trick our minds, yeah?

Big List Things I Need to Do:

Publishing stuff with DPP (timeline not under my control)

Publishing stuff for independent book (oh hey, a release date would be nice and I’m the one who has to set that)

Plotting and outlining the next PHU novel (is it over a year overdue? I’m sure no one noticed…)

Plotting and outlining the next 7Lakes novel (because when the first one comes out, “where’s the sequel” will hopefully be the obvious first question)

There are a million other things on my list in various sizes from small through medium and even large, but none quite as unwieldy as all of those.

I’ve been blocked on these timelines—both for publishing and for plotting—for a long, long time. I feel like I’m trying to do too many things at once, or attacking things on too many fronts. I worry about well, what if one thing overlaps with another—are the people who want to read my work going to be like “nah, I can’t buy two books” and just nope out of everything? Am I screwing it all up?

I keep telling myself I need to let go and just Do The Thing.

Seriously.

Do The Thing.

So, let’s break down what needs to be done at the highest of levels for the writing-related things (and ignore all the blog posts, TikToks, video editing, etc that also needs to be done).

For publishing with DPP, there is: 2nd edit on book 2, large revision on book 3 before it goes to first real edit, then 2nd edit on book 3, and final edits on all of that. Plus cover reveals, blog posts, teasers. Pulling out quotes I want to use for stickers. I am pretty sure I’m forgetting things. The nice thing is that all of the big overhead things like planning a campaign has been done for me. YAY Duck Prints (Seriously, they are AWESOME). I think my sticking point here is that I have no realistic expectation for how long each editing round will (or should) take, so I’m not sure how to slot it in. Plus I know it’ll be overlapping with the other book.

For solo (independent) publishing, I have so much more to do. I have to create accounts with both the private and public profile information that’s required on publishing platforms. I need to create a logo and develop a description of my “publishing company” (me, it’s just me) and I need to business work for that company, like buying ISBNs. I need to finish the final book editing, then do the layout so I know what the spine width is. Then I can contract for and get a cover. After that it should get easier, right? Pull out quotes, do blog posts, cover reveal, announcement of the release date (probably not in that order). Get the news out. I can set a release date once I get everything else on a calendar. And if the bulk of the editing is done sooner rather than later, my editing energy can be spent on the DPP books while I’m doing production and marketing for the 7Lakes book.

Okay. This all starts to feel like something I can get my arms around. I’m going to let the high level/low level plotting go for now, and come back to it in another post.

So—why is this a blog post anyway?

I mentioned before that I was trying to unstick my mind. By talking out loud to someone else—even though I can’t see that someone, and who knows, maybe I’m shouting into the abyss—I feel like I’m being held accountable. I’m working through it in public. In plain sight. It means I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, considering every word. It has to get out of my fingertips and onto the page because I am here, not just trying to make notes privately for myself.

I can’t back button out of it.

Sometimes that’s how I get things done.

Will this translate to me taking the things I’ve said above and moving them into something where I can add timeframes, and schedules, and put it all on a calendar with due dates and start breaking it down into even smaller tasks?

Gods I hope so. It’s a goal, anyway.

Getting back to where we started… time, focus, and organization can be complicated as an ND creative.

Time—I spent thirty minutes and a thousand words of chatter.

Focus—It’s like body doubling—by talking to you, I got something done.

Organization—I think I have a list. Or a start of one. It’s more than I had!

It’s a complicated way of doing things, but fingers crossed that my next step is getting to cross off the first part of my timelines task.

#writing #neurodivergent #nd creative #nd series

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armpirate · 1 year

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UNDER YOUR SKIN || JJK || Ch. 32

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: You were awful on anything related to flirting, guys and sex. He was the perfect ladies man. You wanted to get rid of your virginity. And he was there to help you with everything you needed. You didn't have the best start, but that didn't mean you wouldn't have the best of the endings.

Warnings: Public sex, vaginal sex, dirty talk.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

I'm so nervous.

Even before I signed the contract, I was hesitating on whether to sign it or not. I wanted to desperately go back to my comfort zone and serve drinks, just to do what I'm used to and what I know I'm good at. Throwing myself into this feels so strange, so uncomfortable, that I can't help but try to convince myself that I won't be good at this.

The fact that the week ran by, to the point where I wasn't able to mentalize myself with this new job position wasn't of help.

But here I am anyway, walking around the gallery while Jin tries to introduce me to every usual customer that comes in -just so I do it all by myself with new visitors. Yesterday he already explained everything I should be doing today -and from now on. Although he still told me he'd be around for me, I want to leave a good impression by showing I understood my tasks the first time he explained them.

All that tension doesn't take long to disappear when I see Tammy, Soo, Melanie and Mark coming into the gallery, just to cheer me up from the distance as they see me busy with one possible customer. I smile at them, before returning my attention to the brunette middle aged lady that keeps asking me about the artist.

At some point while talking to her, my eyes gather around the gallery, stopping in the main door. Actually, stopping on him.

Jungkook comes in and the whole world seems to go slower. I can't take my eyes away from the way he moves his hands over the fabric of his grey suit to place it correctly, or the way his hair is styled in a messy tail. How can that man be real and be walking around like nothing?

The rest of the evening goes great, I just hang around the gallery waiting for someone to ask for my opinion or looking for my help. And it's all chill and fine until a pair of fingers trace my exposed spine, from my neck to the lowest part. It's crazy how I'm able to know who it is just with his touch, just by the way he makes my whole body react to him.

—You're a tease —Jungkook mentions—. You aren't wearing the set you sent me this afternoon.

I look at him nervously, just to find him smirking at me.

I wasn't thinking of wearing that lace set when I sent him those pics earlier today. Honestly, I wasn't even considering sending him those pics until he sent me a pic of his sweaty body in the gym.

—I would've loved to take it off with my teeth, with you lying on bed the same way you were on that pic.

I gulp hard, seeing that devilish smile one last time before he steps back and goes back to walk around the gallery as if he hasn't said something to set my whole body on fire. Every time I think I might have the upper hand on what we have going on, he comes back to remind me that I don't.

And if I thought he'd be easier on me, he keeps his eye on me during the rest of the exposition, never letting me forget his presence whenever I talk to one of the customers, or even Jin. God, I think his gaze gets more powerful whenever he's around me, and it annoys me because I'm trying to be professional.

And that doesn't change when we decide to go for a few drinks after, to celebrate I was able to sell two drawings on my first night, and made a few customers interested in other artworks. His gaze follows each one of my moves, whenever I drink, whenever I talk to Tammy, whenever I head to the bartender, or when I dare myself to dance with a cute guy that's been eyeing me while I was ordering my drink. His gaze is more intense as the minutes go by, as the hands of this boy go lower on my exposed back. But he doesn't look away, he doesn't move an inch when I look at him with a look full of bad intentions, Jungkook just clenches his jaw and waits. He just waits because he knows he's the one I'll go back home with.

This isn't over though.

When we all leave, and Soo basically forces Jungkook to take me home, I know this will be the night he finally gives in.

Intoxicated by his scent on the jacket he was wearing - that now he gave me so he could drive comfortably, and encouraged by his warmth, I move my hand over his torso, down his stomach, until I reach the beginning of his pants. All the teasing that has been going on these two weeks, all the revealing pics, the high voltage texts, the jealous looks... All has been leading to this.

I know he's hating every moment of our deal right now, I know he's dying to eat back his words when he said he wanted me to see and try to fuck with other guys. I saw it on his fast replies to my underwear pics, when he thought I was wearing them to go on a date. I saw it on the faces he made while I was dancing with other guys tonight. It's all over his voice when he speaks to me ever since he came up with that stupid rule.

The warmth of his body behind me, while his hands were taking full control of mine on the handlebar after the doctor took off the stitches in my hand a few days ago, woke up something inside of me. I've touched myself almost every single night, just with the reminiscence of the look in his eyes while he was handling my movements. Those days he kept taking me to work, and picking me up from the bar. I can't take it anymore.

—If you keep doing that, I won't be responsible for the consequences —he whispers, turning his head slightly to me on a red light.

—What consequences? —I don't stop moving my hand up and down his thigh, getting as near as I can to his crotch, but never as much as being able to touch it.

—I'll stop anywhere and fuck you raw. Like you've been looking for all night.

Those words, his raspy voice and the way his dark eyes are looking at me over his shoulder make me move my hips down, pressing the seat against the throbbing button. But I'm too into it right now to stop, so I move my hand up his leg, pressing my palm on the forming bulge in his pants, while my tongue licks one of his silver earrings hanging on his earlobe.

—What's stopping you?

It's like those words have activated something in him, something he wasn't planning on doing.

Jungkook licks the inside of his cheek, just to end with a sided smile when it gets to his lip. As soon as the red light turns green, he speeds up and looks for the right place until he finds a blind alley.

With a quick move of his feet, he places the stand and waits for me to hop off the motorbike. Jungkook doesn't move from his place, he just slides his body a bit backwards on the seat and pulls me closer to him with his hand.

The kiss is sloppy from the beginning, with our tongues messing with one another as we almost try to eat each other alive. It's so different from any other time we've kissed, it's needy and demanding. Everything we've been holding down these weeks is finally exploding, both of us are finally giving it to what we've been teasing all this time.

Jungkook helps me to hop on the motorbike again, this time straddling his legs without breaking the kiss. He wastes no time, sliding my panties aside, so he can directly slide two of his fingers through my slit, repeating that same movement a few times until I throw myself to his belt, desperate to take it off and unzip his pants.

I'm so into the kiss and what's to come that I'm not even aware of when he got a condom out of his wallet. But I moan when he lifts my body, cupping my ass cheeks in his hands, and fills me slowly, letting me get used to him inch by inch for the first time in weeks.

We moan into each other's mouths when he's fully inside. Electricity runs through my veins at the sensation of finally being connected to him like this after so long. His hands on my ass and thighs try to encourage me to move, but I stay in the same position. Moving my hips in circles, I lick his jar, from his chin to his earlobe, getting that so awaited groan.

—What do you want?

—Cocktease... —he chuckles nervously— Don't try to make me beg, because I want to fuck you stupid the same way you want my cock buried deep down your cunt.

My pussy clenching unconsciously around him after his words just make him smirk. No words were needed, because my own body has betrayed me to let him know he's right. I'm so down for this, I'd probably have a meltdown if something interrupted us right now.

I kiss him again, sticking my tongue in his mouth to shut the gasps and moans that come from every move I make as he fills me up. His teeth catch my lower lip, pulling from it while his eyes fix on mine with hunger. I swear he could make me cum just by looking at me that way.

I try my best to move my hips to take all of his, under the direction of his hands on my skin, digging on my flesh as if he were trying to control himself from going rougher. But we both fall back to reality when my moves come up more clumsy and arrhythmic than expected, we both remember this is my second time doing something like this. It doesn't matter how bad I try, I'm sure I'm killing the vibe right now.

—Babe —he stops my moves.

I slowly stop jumping on him, afraid of him saying the wait wasn't worth it, scared of him realizing he could be doing way better than this.

—You're doing great, but I really need to fuck your brains out right now —he kisses my chin—. Turn around.

I look at him confused, but that smile he throws at me makes me move. I'm scared to stumble with my heels when I'm going to set my feet on the ground, but Jungkook holds my arm all the time so I don't lose my balance. Although it doesn't take me long to sit back on the motorbike, this time as if I were the one driving it. He moves my body carefully, setting my belly over the gas tank, lifting my hips slightly from the leather seat. It's so weird, and maybe I feel too exposed, but the way he lifts my dress and jacket over my ass, slides my panties to the sides the most he can so he's able to rub his tip against my entrance, is making me go crazy right now.

He slides in slowly, inch by inch, but it's the only time he goes slow from now on. Once his pelvis reaches my ass cheeks and his balls rest against my open folds, he starts moving faster. Jungkook thrusts into me, in and out, in a drilling way that makes me go insane and eager for more, if that's even possible. The motorbike under us moves constantly. I'm afraid it might fall at some point.

—Nobody else will fuck you like this, baby. I'm the only one that can make you feel this good —he groans.

He still tries to place my body properly, by cupping my hips in his hands and lowering them. And I know he's sure of what he's doing, because with the next thrust my clit rubs directly against the leather, and it does over and over again, with each thrust. Few minutes later, I'm close to being a moaning mess, and I would be if Jungkook hadn't covered my mouth with his hand.

—You know I love your moans, but save them for later —he warns with his shaky voice.

His cock twitches deep inside, forcing him to fall over my back and bite on my shoulder to keep himself from moaning.

He leaves me hanging near the edge right when I need him the most, and I start to think he might leave me hanging there as a revenge for everything that's been happening these two weeks, when he pulls out.

But of course he doesn't.

Jungkook sits back in his place, dragging my body with him so I'm sitting still. With one hand still on my mouth, his other hand rubs circles on my clit. Just a few more delicate traces, and I'm totally done in his arms, shutting my whimpers with his palm.

He finally frees my mouth, but two of his fingers grab my chin to turn my face to him while I'm still recovering from my high.

—You think I'm done with you? —he asks, his fast breathing making his words sound shaky still— No, this was just the starter so you stop teasing me while I drive. I think you've had enough fun these two weeks. It's my turn.

The hand on my chin falls on my thigh, clapping it while he licks the same fingers that made me explode in a matter of seconds. And just after that, he kisses me deep, letting me taste myself in his mouth while he places my underwear properly, just to do the same thing with his own clothes right after.

He pulls me in for a long kiss once we enter the lift, grabbing me by the nape to get my body to be all over his. When Jungkook wraps his arms around me, I'm almost convinced I could stay like this forever. Well, at least until the ring in the lift sounds.

I see myself in the reflection of the mirror when we separate, and he holds my hand to walk out with me, just to see a reddish march on my shoulder.

—You, asshole, look at what you did.

—Should I kiss it better? —he raises his eyebrows, looking at me fast before he opens the door to his house.

I take off my shoes and his jacket as we enter his place, trying to get more comfortable while he heads to the kitchen and asks me what I want to drink.

—You.

And just as fast as that word leaves my mouth, and I see his head peeking over the door, I realize it sounded better in my head.

—Me? You want to drink me? —he starts walking in my direction.

—I was trying to sound flirty.

I see him chuckling, looking at me with sparkly eyes, just to lift my body and sitting me over the backrest right after. His soft and gentle hands go over my calves, going up to my thighs, lifting the thin fabric of my dress with no effort.

—You don't need to be flirty with me —he whispers on my lips—. You already got me wrapped around your finger.

Jungkook gets rid of my dress, throwing it over my shoulder on the couch, just to have both of his hands back on my thighs, just to start a trip over my body. He smirks when he gets to my black lace thong.

I did end up wearing the set of lingerie I sent him earlier this afternoon, at least half of it, although he wasn't able to appreciate it because we were in a rush just a few minutes ago. And now that he's able to see it on me directly, he looks at me with black tinted eyes, I can almost read everything that's going through his mind right now.

His hands keep moving up over my torso, his fingers setting a burning trail in between my tits until he gets to my jaw. They wrap around my skin carefully, holding my face before he kisses me the softest way he's ever done. I trace his lip with the tip of my tongue, only because I wanted to lick that lip ring that makes me go insane. He chuckles in my mouth, breaking the kiss just to move his over my cheek and jaw.

—You have no idea the pull you have on me —Jungkook keeps moving lower on me, following the trail of the caresses from minutes ago—. I've gone crazy these last two weeks.

I stop breathing when he starts kneeling in front of me, stopping his mouth on my thong. As if I were reading his mind, I lift my hips, supporting my weight on both hands resting on the backrest. And I'm unable to deal with the feeling that goes through my body, from head to toe, when his teeth bite on my mound, just right over where my slit starts, to pull the fabric down. But of course he isn't done with pushing me over the edge. When he finally gets rid of the only clothing I had left, he goes up again, setting a trail of kisses from my ankle, up to my leg and inner thigh, always keeping eye contact with me.

My pussy clenches around nothing when he places both of my legs on his shoulders, and bends over just to give a teasing lick on my clit. It's crazy how he's setting my whole body on fire just with that, just with the feeling of his tongue gently digging through my folds while his gaze burns my skin.

He doesn't stay down there long enough though. His lips move up my torso again, while his hand cups my pussy instead. His palm rubs my clit, while two of his fingers tease my entrance, and his tongue circles one of my nipples -just to do the right same thing with the other.

—What do you want? —he asks, when he returns to my lips.

My eyelids feel heavy and that hard gaze coming from him is making me go insane. I want him, all of him. Absolutely everything Jungkook wants to give me right now.

—Fuck me —I trace his tattoos with the tips of my fingers—. Make me regret these two weeks.

Not like I'd really regret them, because i'd do it a thousand times just to have us like this again.

Jungkook just smirks. Of course he already had that in mind. He takes a condom from his wallet, and holds it in between his teeth while he takes his black t-shirt off. Eager to rush this as much as possible, I take his belt off and unzip his pants, making him spring free. He wastes no time wrapping the condom around him.

He slides inside with just one move, head resting on mine while his hands keep me in place. He pulls back slowly, letting me feel him inch by inch, until only his tip is inside. His dick fills me completely with a hard thrust that makes me hold onto his upper arms, while my clit throbs at the mere sound of our bodies clapping.

—Keep your eyes on me —he commands, as he starts a faster pace on my pussy.

—Kook —I moan, as he moves my body so his tip can rub over one spot that totally breaks me.

—Look at you right now —he breathes heavily—. Such a fucking mess for me.

My whole body moves because of the roughness of his thrusts, my mind is going wild and my body has escaped my own control. I don't even know at this point, because I can only see his eyes, my mind is filled with him.

He knows by the way I'm moaning right now that I'm just a dirty word away from jumping off a cliff. And he wants to see me jumping from the edge, he wants it as much as I do. That's why he rubs my clit in circles, in sync with his thrusts.

I know looking down was the worst decision I could ever take, because the combination of his cock coated with my juices and his fingers playing with me make me go insane.

—Uh-huh, see how good this pussy is taking me.

I cup his face in my hands, looking at him deep in the eyes when I get that familiar feeling before everything ends, running over me to leave nothing else. My nails dig on the skin of his neck and shoulders, letting myself go with a moan that I'm surprised it has come out from me.

Jungkook isn't done though. His dick still deep inside me, and that dark look just tell me there's much to come yet.

He lifts me in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist, after he got rid of his pants that were still around his ankles. Something changes in the way he looks at me, as he sets me on his bed carefully, just to join me right after. His touch, the kiss... everything feels different. He's gone from rough to passionate in a matter of seconds.

He fucks me slowly, taking his time to enjoy every single stroke, every kiss, every look.

—I can't stand thinking of others seeing you like this —he admits, breaking the kiss—. I want to be the only one making you go crazy with my hands, my mouth, my cock. I don't care —he bites my chin—. But I want to be the only one.

The tickles in my belly, combined with the pleasure, is a way better combination that something else I could've ever tried. And how he holds me, our hands intertwined at both sides of my head... He's the only person I could ever think of doing this with.

#fanfic #ff #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkookxreader #jk #bts #wattpad #kookie #smut #jungkook smut #tattoistjk #tattooau #Under Your Skin #armpirate

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ghostfeather · 1 year

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so! i spent the weekend in sf visiting my baby sister and also making the last minute decision to go to the ooo meet & greet event because i couldn't handle the pcd. here's how it went :)

since it was a ~fan chat~ or whatever, the process worked totally different than the concert fansign. i checked in and then a little before 12, they started calling people by queue numbers to line up outside. why they did that? i don't really know because when they let you into the venue, they said it didn't matter what your queue number was so sit wherever you want in the first 5 or 6 rows, and fans behind me were running to fill up the first row. i didn't particularly care that much to be at the very front because i needed to mentally prepare myself so it was fine. the venue was so incredibly tiny and intimate, so there was no bad seat.

also i met an older lady right in front of me in line who was also from atlanta which was super cool! she was super sweet and gave me extra freebies, and it was nice having someone to talk to because there was A LOT of waiting and they were VERY strict about having no phones out for the m&g portion. kind of wish i'd gotten her contact info. she was fun. i hope her and his husband have a safe trip home.

anyway it was set up like a typical fansign and worked like you expect fansigns to work. they called 6 people up at a time to sit with each member for a minute and get their poster/album signed. i had literally packed a seOul cOllectiOn album to have signed in my luggage and then realized halfway on the drive to the venue that it was still in my luggage in my sister's apartment 🥲 if i had borrowed her car, i'd have gone back to get it, but i wasn't going to pay an uber to make another round-trip.

so yeah staff explained the rules and then the boys walked in and it got started immediately. the fansign order was yoojung, nine, mill, kb, rie, and junji. i had a ways to wait because i was in the 4th row on the left side but i was right at the aisle with nothing obstructing me so i was pretty visible, or at least my nagongie was because it definitely caught nine and rie's attention. i could see their eyes widen when they saw it lol. the nice thing about the fansign being longer was all the fanservice the boys did in the downtime at the beginning and end, especially yoojung and nine who were on my side. it was my turn after maybe an hour.

yoojung: since he was first, i was not prepared so it was kind of awkward. the nice thing about traveling for a show is that it's a talking point so i just started off with that, but then fumbled over everything else i was trying to say. he's not the most fluent in english so i don't think he understood me and i did not make myself easy to understand. i apologized for being nervous, and he said "why nervous?" and i didn't tell him it's because he's so fucking intimidatingly pretty that it rendered me speechless but i sure did think it. so he did make an effort to ask me questions instead. he asked me what my favorite ooo stage was, and i said all of them because it's true but i feel like maybe i should have been specific instead of giving a cop-out answer. then he asked if i ate breakfast. i told him i ate cereal and he was genuinely upset that i ate such a pathetic breakfast but well. there was a mishap that morning with a quesadilla and cheddar cheese and carrots that i just could not begin to explain. he told me he ate pancakes though. i told him pancakes were good but i lied. i only like waffles.

nine: my nagongie made him SO happy. for some reason, he thought i had a drink in it and before i even could say anything, he immediately, without asking, grabbed it and opened up the zipper. then he saw my wallet in there and apologized PROFUSELY. i don't know why he did that, but i'm kind of glad because it really helped dispel the awkwardness because i wasn't nervous at all after that. we had the most chill conversation and i could've kept talking to him forever. he told me his nagongie is smaller and only comes up to mine's chin, so i said mine is the big brother and he said it could be nagongie's dad. so yeah we're more than besties now. we're family. the rest of the conversation just flowed so naturally. he was the only one i ran out of time to talk to. i forgot to show him my daisy manicure which i got for the m&g 🤦‍♀️💔

mill: he asked me for my name, and for those who don't know, my name is maryam. so of course he turns it into a pun and begins to fucking serenade me?? something like "oh, marry marry marry me." like i know it's extremely typical yongsoo behavior but the AUDACITY to do that to my face??? i told him i think i'm too old for him. then he asked for my favorite song and i said dOra maar so he started singing to me AGAIN but it was the english version 🙃 i really adore mill's tone while singing and it's genuinely my favorite of the whole group so it was a nice moment even if it was so embarrassing for me. someone gave him a stuffed baby cheetah (or snow leopard?) to wear on his wrist and i wanted to pet it SO badly. i should've pet it.

kb: he also asked for my name and how to spell it. luckily my atl seatmate had a sharpie and i'd written my name on my lanyard in case there was moment like this, so i just showed him and he wrote my name on the poster. he kept telling me over and over that it was a beautiful name and that...it sounded like marry. so naturally he asked "will you maryam me?" it actually took a while to register because he's pretty mild-mannered and he just...said it so casually that i missed it and just started telling him about how i go by mary at sbux since they never know how to spell maryam. i don't know why i told him that, but then he apologized to me i think either for the pun or for not knowing the spelling either. i'm not sure 😔 but he said again that he thinks it's a beautiful name.

rie: i went in prepared for him this time. or so i thought. he held up both hands when he greeted me, so i went in for a double high five, but then he laced his fingers with mine 😰 like...sir, i don't know you like that. then he asked me what my favorite ooo choreo was, so i said designer because it was the first thing to come to mind honestly. but then he asked me WHY and suddenly i was afraid he was going to quiz me on the finer points of the choreo? i just said i liked the formations, fully terrified that he'd ask me to specify which particular formation i liked. so terrified that i didn't see this coming-

rie: i like angel choreography

me, wishing i'd said angel: oh angel is good! i love angel too!

rie: do you know why?

me: why?

rie: because you're my angel.

😑

friendship ended with rie. now nine is my best friend. i also told him i saw him in atlanta which he was really excited about. he told me the atl crowd was very energetic. he told me the steak he had in atlanta was the best thing he'd eaten on the entire tour. he also grabbed my hands one more time before i left. now i'm just like...what are we?

junji: he's probably the least fluent in english so it was a bit difficult to communicate. he said my nagongie was cute and pointed out that he and i had matching hair. i mean, mine was dark blue back in july and i just haven't touched it up since then so it's a very faded green-ish color? and junji's hair is also a very faded green-ish color right now so i guess we are technically matching. i tried to explain it to him as simply as i could but i'm sure he didn't understand a word so he just smiled and nodded. i told him about seeing him in atl and i wanted to bring up his birthday but i think we spent too much time in awkward silence so we ran out of time 🥲 at least he was nice to look at.

after all that was over they did group photos but this time they had fans sit in chairs and the boys stand behind. i sat in front of junji but i didn't do a pose with him because he didn't offer and i was afraid to make a request but it's whatever because it was the last thing i cared about.

after that, they performed seOul drift, did a short q&a session, then did a sOng of ice & fire, which i didn't expect, and then it was over. i kind of wish they just did a q&a for the whole time and just saved their energy because they absolutely did not hold back for those two songs.

at some point during the q&a, they were asked what concept they wanted to try, and i forgot who responded but they said whatever concept lyOns wanted, and a lot of people started shouting for cute concept to which nine IMMEDIATELY went "no cute! i am not a teenager!" so it's confirmed, we're never getting another blOssOm.

mill performed a snippet of bOss and junji did a bit of picassO and i love them both so much for that. junji also did gaslighting and rie tried to strip him multiple times 🙃 nine talked about the four maple syrups he bought from canada. rie made sure to tell the whole venue about the steak in atlanta. one of the questions was "what would you do instead if you weren't an idol?" and nine said "i'd be bored." he's so valid.

and then it was snapshot time. i was lucky to get snapshots with everyone but nine and yoojung. someone was offering to trade a nine for mill but i couldn't give up mill 🥲 but maybe next time.

i went to kb first and at that point after seeing him face-to-face four times, i wasn't nervous at all. the most nerve-wracking part was choosing a pose because making decisions gives me anxiety. there was a bad glare from the window so i got to go back and take another picture with him which was nice bc i looked awful the first time but great the second time.

uhhh rie called me baby as i was walking up to him 🙃 i am once again asking...WHAT are we???? and yes i did do the cheek poke.

junji's line was long as fuck and never ending. i felt bad about having to go back to take another because the first was super blurry. he fist bumped me both times as i was leaving, and i truly appreciate that. yes, king, set those boundaries. friendzone only 🤜🤛

mill was, of course, the sweetest and cutest and loveliest person and i love him forever and ever. he had his arm around me while we did the M pose and then..as i was saying goodbye, he took that arm and reached up and he. PET MY HEAD LIKE A DOG. COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED. LITERALLY GAVE ME HEAD SCRITCHES. WHY DID HE DO THAT? I'M STILL SO BAFFLED. like i literally walked away with this reaction. how could he disarm me like that twice? next time i meet him, i have to assert my dominance 😤

so yeah that was a really fun experience, and i'd totally recommend it to anyone if the chance ever comes up again. i think i would do it again in a heartbeat if it were held in atlanta.

#don't even bother reading this y'all i'm just trying to preserve the memories #i still can't believe i did this #but i'm about to be miserable doing grad school homework this summer so i deserved it #onlyoneof #ooo in sf

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shallowseeker · 8 months

Note

you don't think it's sam that's the john substitute? he's more like john

I think Sam is juuuust enough like her not to trigger the categorization of co-protector. I love Sam, but he's also got that immature-ish Sammy something that ticks just enough "my kid" boxes, you know?

It probably also has to do Mary and Dean's personalities being alike, too. Sam's got one foot in the "Dean's kid," circle, and she identifies more with Dean. And so, Sam may be Mary's kid, but she's also inheriting the dynamic of Sam as Dean's kid, by proxy.

(But Cas? From the get-go, Mary's doling out those incredibly high protector expectations, and it brings out this side of her that's both demanding and abrupt. It's fascinating.)

///

Anyway, in season 12-13, Sam is tragically aware that he and Mary don't have the kind of rapport he craves. (Meanwhile, Dean and she are playing Words with Friends.) In The Big Empty, Sam seems aware of this, and he's actually pretty bitter about his inability to connect:

SAM: Yeah, but at least you had a relationship with Mom. I mean, who would she always call? Who did she look to for everything? You had something with her I never had! And now I’m just supposed to accept that I never will have it?

It won't be until after AU Earth that Mary starts to bond with Sam as an individual. She sees Sam as more of an adult after he starts leading the AU hunters and co-parenting Jack.

///

In Nightmare Logic, she opens up to him about Bobby. She has rightly deduced that Sam is not as sensitive as Dean is about John, so Sam is the one she can talk to about it:

MARY: Bobby's not open like your dad. SAM: Wait. Like my dad? MARY: Okay. At least he's not like your dad was when I knew him. SAM: Right. MARY: Bobby's got walls, big ones. I just don't know if I can do that if I even ever put myself out there again. (chuckles) I shouldn't be talking to you about this.

///

In Absence, we see a flashback of her being relieved that Sam has more in common with her now: "the parental guilt complex." It seems like the more Sam screws up, the more comfortable Mary gets with him.

This is because Sam's base instinct is to keep his emotions and mistakes abstract, analytical, and vague. It's hard to bond with him until you've gotten to know him well enough for him to share his actual mistakes with you.

In this flashback, Sam admits to not being there for Jack. It's funny, because it's the beginning of a pattern, because as was pointed out to me yesterday, Sam definitely wasn't there for Jack when Jack was soulless. (In fact, Sam ran everyone ragged on little-to-no-sleep. He had another Sammy breakdown, an echo of his season 8 nervous breakdown.)

What Sam is learning is that it's actually really hard to be there for others when you're going through stuff of your own. (Dean and Cas know this; and they try to drag themselves off "the bench" and be there, even when they're in shambles. Sam? Not as much.)

I suspect that this is another way Sam's going to rationalize John's neglectful parenting. Sam wasn't there for Jack because he was mission-focused on finding Dean, just like John was laser-focused on finding Azazel. (Luckily for Sam, Jack is raised by a village, with multiple parents.)

Of course, when she had things to deal with, Mary left, too. And it's okay for Sam to forgive her for that. I'm not saying that it's wrong for people to leave in order to deal with their shit.

It's just...hmmm. Difficult. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's worse than bad, and sometimes it's irreparable. Life is hard. You often let people down, even when you're trying your best. Sometimes, like with John, your own mental illness serves up your very worst.

Anyway, it's especially hard on the ones you love, because when you open up to them, you're showing them all the worst parts of yourself and your own weaknesses.

SAM: How's his training coming along? Mary: He's got heart. He'll get there. SAM: I feel bad. I've been so busy looking for Dean-- MARY: Sam, everyone here understands what you've been doing and what you've been putting yourself through. SAM: Yeah, I know, but Jack's been through a lot -- you know, losing his powers. And I haven't really been there for him. Sorry, Mom. I don't mean to lay all this on you. MARY: No. Are you kidding? It's nice knowing I'm not the only one with parental guilt. How much did the two of you go through when I wasn't there for you? And even when Amara brought me back and I got a second chance, things got complicated. I got complicated. I'm just saying parenting is always a struggle. You always feel like you're failing, but then you look at them, and somehow, they're amazing. And somehow, (Mary holds Sam’s face as she speaks to him) they're literally the bravest, kindest, most heroic men on the planet.

///

In the same episode, we see more scenes of her, and we get a sense of her dynamic with each through these vignettes:

Mary sleeping on Dean's shoulder: This shows us that she relaxes around Dean and lets her walls completely down. She gets emotional support from Dean.

This one with Sam (above): she's opening up to him a little bit but when you step back, we see that she's still parenting him, even as she's busy sharing his load and parenting-training Jack. She's reassuring Sam and propping up his bruised confidence. She gives emotional support to Sam.

And finally, Cas: Cas is the one she actually calls for help on a hunt but admits to being a little afraid of (CAS: "Are you still afraid of me?") Interestingly, she covers up her fear by posturing a little around Cas, "It's just a scratch," and "it wasn't that close." It's cute. Still, she gets physical support from Cas. Here, we see she calls him for help, not her boys. In season 12, it was Cas to whom she first revealed her doubts during her bouts of insomnia.

///

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bicyclepainting · 2 years

Text

Nine to Five

Explicit, 5.5k words

minors DNI

From working under him to being under him; snapshots of the development of Aaron and Smartass’s relationship.

comprehensive tags and full work also on ao3

“If that’s all, then you’re free to leave.”

They nod and their eyes land on the desk between them. They briefly wonder how they would fit under it, between his legs.

Aaron folds his hands and leans forward on his desk, narrowing his eyes at them. “Is there anything else?” Their eyes snap to his. Maybe they’d been staring a little too long.

“No, sorry, I was just�� zoning out.”

He considers them carefully, eyes tracing over them. They try not to let their thoughts wander any further than they already had in front of him.

“Why don’t you take the day off tomorrow? Take a long weekend, get some rest.”

“What?” Did they hear him right?

“Can’t have my employees getting burnt out. And you’ve been working extra hard lately, take the day off.”

He might have been their boss, but they couldn’t help but bristle at the thought of taking his suggestion. Maybe they didn’t want him to think they were burnt out, maybe they just didn’t want to forfeit a day of seeing him.

“I can’t just take the day off, I have work to do Aaron and I-”

“Stop.” They stop talking but glare at him anyway. “We will survive for one day without you, this company won’t miss a thing because you decided to take care of yourself.”

“I’m taking care of myself just fine, I don’t need you to step in and tell me how to spend my time. I don’t deserve the day off more than anyone else.”

“Just take the day off, Smartass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Give the whole team the day off then. That’s the only way I won’t be coming in tomorrow.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m going to tell the security guard not to let you into the parking garage tomorrow morning. Don’t fucking show up.”

“You can’t do that,” they scoff.

“They’re an old friend of mine from high school. Try me,” he smirks, sitting back in his chair.

The smile on their face only grows wider. “Guess I’m working through the night then. I’m not leaving this office until tomorrow at 5 PM.” As he processes what they say, his jaw drops. There’s not a lot of things they wouldn’t do in order to prove a point, they don’t think Aaron had quite learned this about them yet.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” they say as they stand to leave his office. They took pride in usually being able to get the last word in.

“You are so goddamn stubborn,” he exclaims, standing up from his desk. “Take the fucking day off!”

They flip their middle finger at him as they walk out of his office and mentally note this as a won argument for them.

Sitting down at their desk, the weight of their own adamance settles around them. Had they really told him they’d stay here all night? What a fucking mess, they really could have used that day off.

They were never sure what it was about him that made them want to argue almost everything he said. It was easy to blame it on his face– his stupid, cute face that was entirely too easy to rile up.

They had no business thinking about their boss like that. Sighing heavily, they open their email and get to work.

It was past seven o’clock when they got a call on their office phone that dragged them from the ledgers they were looking over.

“Hello?”

“Are you really planning on staying all night?”

Fucking Aaron. They turn to glare at the closed door to his office.

Trying to find a way out of their own mess was proving rather difficult. They had thought about leaving after Aaron and just getting back extra early in the morning, even before the security guard showed up. Then they realized they didn’t know when the security guard would show up. And they weren’t sure how serious Aaron was about getting them to not let Smartass into the parking garage tomorrow, but they didn’t want to try it.

“Yes,” they say flatly. They hear a sigh and then the click of him hanging up the phone. What a fucking prick.

It wasn’t quite an hour later that something loud falling onto their desk startled them from the same ledgers from before.

The smell hit them before they saw what it was: pizza.

“Let‘s go.”

They look up to Aaron towering over their desk with stern expression.

“Where are we going?”

“Conference room. I’m not going to have you working through dinner and the entire night.”

They sigh but stand up and follow him anyway. For as stubborn as they were, Aaron certainly had his own stubborn side. They didn’t particularly feel like fighting him on this one and it didn’t help that their stomach was growling.

“I didn’t know what you liked on your pizza, I hope pepperoni is okay.”

They stare at him until he looks up from the box on the table between them.

“I’m vegetarian.” They watch his eyes go wide and cut him off once he starts sputtering apologies by saying, “I’m just kidding. Pepperoni is good.”

“Fucking smartass,” he mumbles under his breath, only smiling once they looked away from him.

II.

The fabric of Aaron’s slacks was stretched taut over his thighs and under Smartass’s hands. They traced their hands up and down, running their fingernails slowly across the fabric, feeling every thread.

They were knelt between his legs, under his desk, fitting just about as well as they thought they would. And with Aaron murmuring to them and his bulge right in front of their face, their mind felt hazy with desire for him.

“Look up at me,” he says softly.

They do it without questioning and the look in his eyes almost made them forget how to breathe.

“Who knew you could be so good for me?” His hand cupped their face and his thumb stroked back and forth over their cheek. “Tell me what you want.”

The command snaps them out of the haze and they glower at him. “You know what I want.”

“I want to hear you say it,” he says with a stupid fucking smile.

They glare at him in silence.

“Unless you really don’t want anything, in which case we can just–”

“Let me suck you off.”

He raises his eyebrows, obviously expecting more.

“Please,” they roll their eyes.

He laughs lightly and they think they have half a mind to get up and walk away, leaving him to his own devices as a powerplay of their own. That is, until he starts unbuckling his belt. And then they lose any urge they had previously to move away from him.

God, their mouth was watering. They had always wondered what he would sound like with his dick in their mouth.

“Got me so hard already, looking so pretty down there,” he mumbled. “You want to suck my cock?”

They nod, looking up at him through their eyelashes. He hums in approval, “Good.”

III.

It had been a while since Smartass had caught up with their favorite cousin. With as much time as they were spending on work, it was difficult to keep up with their relationships outside of it.

“I had the worst dream about my boss the other night,” Smartass starts.

Babe raises their eyebrows.

“I was…” they lower their voice. “I was giving him a blowjob in his office.” And it’s not like they hadn’t imagined those kinds of things with Aaron before, but to have it permeate their dreams felt like going a step further than they wanted with regards to a crush on their boss.

Babe bursts into laughter. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” they sulk.

“And that’s the worst because…?” they trail off. “Don’t you think he’s like super hot?”

“I mean, yeah but now I can’t stop fucking thinking about it. Whenever I see him, I just think about the dream.”

Babe continues laughing while Smartass shakes their head and crosses their arms over their chest.

“You need to get out of there.”

“What, like just quit?”

“Yeah! You could come work at my company, then you can ask him out without worrying about any of the boss-employee shit.”

“Oh, if I asked him out he definitely wouldn’t say yes.” Babe cocked their head, encouraging them to continue. “I mean, we get in screaming matches at least twice a week. There’s no way he even likes me as an employee. All I do all day is give him shit.”

“Screaming matches?”

“The company is fucked, I’ve told you that much. And I have good ideas to fix it but he shoots me down nearly every time. It’s almost like he enjoys it,” they seethe. “I don’t even know if I’d want to go out with him anyway. He pisses me off.” They don’t know if they mean that, but maybe saying it out loud would make it true. There’s no way Aaron would date them, so there's no point in entertaining the idea.

“Well if you come work with me, at least you won’t be fighting your boss everyday.”

Smartass pauses to think. “Maybe l’ll apply. It’s not like I’m going anywhere at Vesta anyway.”

Babe grins. “It’s settled then! I’ll talk to the hiring manager tomorrow.”

IV.

“Come in,” Aaron responds to a knock on his door.

Smartass walks in and shuts the door behind them. “Are you busy?”

“Always am,” he responds curtly.

They try not to roll their eyes. “Do you have a minute?”

“Sure,” he sighs, not looking up from the paperwork he was filling out on the computer in front of him.

“It’s kind of important.”

“I’m listening.”

“You’re typing.”

“Believe it or not, I am capable of multitasking. You should know this by now.”

They pause. “I’m putting in my two weeks.”

He stops typing and stares at them in silence. “You’re joking,” he says after a moment.

They wordlessly hand him a piece of paper.

He looks over their resignation and says, “You found a new job?” They nod, avoiding his intense stare. Clearing his throat, he says, “I suppose congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you.”

He sets the paper on a stack of others on his desk. “We’ll have a goodbye lunch on your last day,” he says, “but if that’s all you came in here for then you’re free to go.” He starts typing again.

They don’t know what they were expecting from him, but this lack of reaction felt disappointing. Did they want him to ask them to stay instead? To yell at them for daring to leave? To get down on both knees and beg them to take it back?

They nod and stand up, leaving his office without once looking back. The sounds of his typing followed them until they closed the door behind them.

Theoretically, they could have left this place in the dust hours ago. He told them that they could leave after lunch because it was their last day. They don’t know why they stayed so long. They don’t know why they went into his office after everyone left. They don't know why they asked him why he was so mean to them. He wasn’t mean to them. At least not any meaner than they were to him. They really don’t know why he asked them to go out with him after all of that.

And now they were sitting in his office waiting for him to finish up the paperwork for them leaving Vesta so they could go out to dinner together. As a date.

Aaron stretches at his desk, making an obscene sound that drags Smartass out of their own thoughts.

“I’m just about finished up here, where did you want to eat?” He settles back into his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m good with whatever you want.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Suddenly no opinions?”

“Well if I’m being honest, I’m really in the mood for pizza but I don’t know if that’s a good idea for a first date.”

Aaron thinks for a moment. “We could go to Max’s… Or I could take you to a nice Italian place I know,” he says. “I’m sure they have pizza, even if the place is a bit more formal.”

“Formal?” they laugh. “Trying to show off?”

“Oh, excuse me for trying to take you somewhere nice.” He scowls, which only makes them laugh harder.

“No, no, that’s great. Let’s go there,” they reach their hand out over the desk to rest it on his own. He holds their hand in return, scowl never leaving his face. “I’m sure it’ll be great.” They give him a wide smile to try to win him over.

The two have a bit of a staring contest, Smartass trying to get Aaron to smile back at them and Aaron trying his hardest to not crack.

Smartass speaks first.

“Are you ready to go Mr. Grump?”

He snorts, turning his face away from them. “You’re such a smartass, you know that?”

“You never let me forget it.”

After shutting down his computer, he walks around the desk and holds his arm out for Smartass to hold onto as they walk out of the office together.

“I didn’t know you were such a gentleman,” they taunt. “Do you treat all your dates like this?”

“Only the ones that royally piss me off on a regular basis.”

Smartass laughs too hard to respond properly.

It’s not that Smartass didn’t try to pay for dinner, but Aaron had somehow given his card to the waiter before they had even ordered without them noticing.

“I told you this was my treat,” he says simply as they walk out of the restaurant together.

“Can you blame me for trying?”

“I suppose not,” he smiles softly. They weren’t quite used to seeing him smile around them; it made their heart feel all light and airy.

They reach his car and stand outside of it, neither wanting to leave the other’s side quite yet.

Aaron checks his watch before saying, “It’s not that late, do you want to come over and watch a movie?”

They raise their eyebrows at him, leaving the suggestive implications of his question uncontested.

“Just a movie,” he emphasizes. “We don’t have to have do anything sexual if you don’t want to.”

“Do you want to?”

He looks at them with a carefully neutral expression.

“Do you?”

“I asked first.”

He rolls his eyes and sighs. “If you were open to it… I’d want to have sex with you, yes. But there’s no pressure if–”

“I want to.” Aaron laughs loudly. “Alright if you’re going to laugh at me, then fucking no! Use your hand for tonight,” they tease. They stick their tongue out at him which only makes him laugh harder.

Once he catches his breath he says slowly, “I wasn’t laughing at you, I’ve just… wanted this for a while, so it’s amusing to see you so… enthusiastic.”

And how could they even pretend to be mad when he was looking at them like that? Fuck, he really did want this too.

They stare at each other for a long, tension-filled moment.

“I want to kiss you right now but I think if I do, I won’t want to stop,” he says. “And as much as I want to have sex with you, I don’t want our first time to be in a parking lot.”

Stepping closer, they put their hand on his chest and say, “Let’s get out of here then, hm?” They lean in and press a soft, slow kiss to his cheek and as they draw away, they hear him let out a shaky breath.

“Such a fucking tease,” they hear him say under his breath.

It was decidedly one of the longest car rides of either of their lives.

The radio in Aaron’s car was playing music so softly that Smartass couldn’t tell what song was playing. Instead, the sounds of the road filled the silence that settled between them.

Upon reaching Aaron’s apartment, he tries to unlock his door two separate times before it finally unlocks on the third try.

“Performance anxiety?” they tease.

He turns to glare at them and says, “Fuck you.”

“That’s the plan, right?”

Grabbing their hand, he tugs them into the apartment and locks the door behind them.

They two freeze for a moment, taking each other in.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

They debated for a moment on making some kind of comment to piss him off even further, but ultimately didn’t want to wait any longer before kissing him.

“Yes.”

It was almost instantaneous. They felt his lips against their own, surprisingly gentle and soft at first, and his hands were warm against their face.

They don’t know how many times they had imagined kissing Aaron after two years of fighting with each other in his office. Sometimes when he was especially irritated he had this vein on his forehead that became a little more prominent. They often thought about leaning over his desk and just kissing it away, imagining how he would react.

Or there were times when they’d, unprofessionally, get in his face while ranting at him and they could have sworn that his eyes would flicker down to their lips. It made them want to kiss him. Maybe he was thinking the same thing all this time.

The kiss turned more passionate. Aaron’s hands had moved down to their waist and drew them flush against him. Meanwhile they had wrapped their arms around his neck, trying to pull him impossibly closer. It quickly became rough, with hands grabbing each other closer and closer.

Aaron eventually pulls back and Smartass follows, until he holds his hands against their shoulders and gently separates the two of them.

They can’t help but let out a small whine and pout in protest, which only makes him smile.

“Just give me a second.” He gives them another quick kiss. “I want to make sure you feel comfortable with everything tonight. And that you know we can stop at any time, for any reason.” They nod in agreement. “I’m serious,” he continues, “for any reason. Even if you just need to take a break or something.”

“Of course.”

“I can be kind of… rough sometimes. And I won’t be if that’s not something you want, but I just want to make sure you’re completely comfortable is all.”

“Don’t worry, I like it rough,” they say casually enough to almost make Aaron miss the actual significance of what they were saying. He blinks in surprise. “Come on, you can’t say that doesn’t shock you,” they tease.

And Aaron can’t say that it shocks him. But maybe he wasn’t expecting them to be so forward. Maybe he should have expected it. All he knows in the current moment is how Smartass has him in the palm of their hand. He wonders if they know just how much power they have over him.

“Can I suck your dick?” Aaron blinks again, still reeling from their previous bold statement. “Please,” they add.

“God, you’re forward,” he says, not upset in the slightest.

“You like it,” they grin.

“Let’s get out of my entryway,” he manages to say, avoiding their callout. He holds their hand as he leads them through his apartment and all Smartass can do is focus on the comfortable weight of his hand in theirs.

His bedroom itself was characteristically simple and practical.

While they looked around the room, Aaron came to stand behind them and started kissing their neck. He left a trail of kisses from along their jaw to the juncture of their neck to their shoulder.

If they were being honest with themselves, they didn’t really notice many details about his bedroom or the rest of his place. Especially when he focused his attention on a spot on their neck that made their breath hitch.

They move back, pressing their ass against his crotch and feeling his arousal against them.

He growled against their skin, “Don’t move.”

His command only spurs them to sway their hips against him, pushing at his familiarly touchy temperament.

He quickly stopped their movements by pressing his hands firmly against the movement of their hips.

“What did I say?” he says lowly against their ear.

“Hm?” Pretending not to have heard him would have probably worked better if they weren’t giggling a bit while doing so. They can practically hear him roll their eyes behind him.

“Did you want to suck my dick or are you going to keep being a brat?”

They spin around at his question to see a smug smile on his face at their quick reaction. They can’t even find it in themselves to come up with a comeback.

Fuck, his face was pretty. They think they could stare at it for hours, taking in all the details. The slight crease between his eyebrows from scowling, his deep brown eyes that always seemed to be a little pissed off, his jawline that eternally had a 5 o'clock shadow that they desperately wanted to press kiss after kiss against.

“Smartass? Are you still with me?”

“You’re really pretty,” they blurt.

He tilts his head slightly. “Pretty?”

They hum in confirmation and take his face in their hands, dragging him closer to start kissing his jaw like they wanted. His arms wrap around them, pulling them closer against him. His head tilts back as they move further down his neck and he sighs in pleasure.

They unbutton his shirt and start exploring his torso with their hands, leaving kisses all along the way. The little sounds he was letting out fueled Smartass further and further down, until they were completely on their knees in front of him.

“You gonna be good for me?”

“For now,” they smirk.

They unbuckle his belt and Aaron steps out of his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side.

He was already so hard. And right in front of their face.

They look up at him. “Can I touch?”

He nods and they wrap their hand around him. His hips twitch at their touch and he lets out a moan that Smartass wishes they could hear on repeat. He even sounded pretty.

They lick a singular stripe up his dick and they notice one of his hands clenched in a tight fist next to his hip. They take their free hand and hold it, leading it to rest on their head.

He looks down at them in amusement.

“Don’t gag me or anything, but you can pull my hair a bit,” they say.

“Okay,” he says softly, running his hands through their hair. He pulls lightly and asks, “Is that okay?”

They smirk at him. “You can go harder than that. I’ll let you know if it’s too much.”

He hums, admiring the view of them on their knees in front of him. “Good. Now suck my dick like you mean it.”

Their desire for him outweighed any lingering sense of brattiness.

And when they immediately put as much of him into their mouth as they could fit, Aaron thought he saw stars. The feeling of their mouth around him, sucking, swirling, swallowing him down, was nearly enough to make his knees buckle.

“Finally putting that smart mouth of yours to good use, hm?” he manages to say after a moment.

Instead of answering, they hum around him, leading to him grabbing tighter onto their hair and letting out a string of curses.

And shit, he was close. He knew he wasn’t going to last long to begin with, it had been a while since he last had sex anyway, and that’s not even acknowledging just how easily Smartass riles him up.

He had a theory that they chose to wear their tightest work clothes after their biggest arguments just to spite him. Sometimes he regretted hiring them, only because it meant he was bound to professionalism with regards to his attraction to them. Their quitting was bittersweet in that it meant he could finally pursue them but also that he wouldn’t get to spend all day in their presence. Maybe if he was lucky, he’d eventually get to see them everyday regardless.

He pulls their hair, moving them off his dick. Their eyes were glazed over, a lazy smile on their face and for a moment Aaron forgets why he had them stop in the first place.

“Why’d you stop me?” they ask, voice slightly hoarse.

He moves his hand from their hair to their cheek, wiping some spit away from their lips with his thumb.

“Because I want to get the chance to touch you before I come down your throat for the first time.”

A shudder runs through them at his words, at the prospect of him touching them, at the prospect of not only him coming in their mouth but also it happening more than once.

He gently helps them stand, legs still a bit wobbly from kneeling. His hands were strong and sure, Smartass thinks they could spend hours pleasing him.

Instead, he starts to unbutton their shirt and they say, “I could do that.”

He glances back up at them, stern, as he keeps working. “I could have unbuttoned my own shirt too. Didn’t stop either of us, did it?” They keep quiet, knowing there isn’t much they could say in return. “And you’re still clothed.” He moves on to unbuckle their belt. “Can’t have that,” he says with a sly smile.

They reach up and wrap their arms around his neck. He finishes unzipping their pants and leans in and gives them a short kiss.

“Let’s get to bed,” he whispers against their lips. He feels more than sees them smile.

“Finally,” they say.

He scoffs and walks them back toward the bed. They feel it hit the backs of their legs and he gently pushes against their shoulders so they fall on top of the sheets. He climbs over them, caging them beneath him.

He kisses them softly, slowly, taking his time to feel them, unable to get enough. He reaches down and feels their arousal.

“Already so turned on?”

“All for you,” they breathe. He kisses them harder as their hips buck against his hand.

He momentarily breaks away from them to reach over to his nightstand and pull out a bottle of lube. They clench the sheets in their hands and gasp when the cold feeling of his lube-covered fingers hits them.

“If I ask you to stay still, can you do that for me?” he asks. “Can you be good?”

They whine, both wanting to piss him off and give in to him. He says their name and moves his hand against them, prompting an answer.

“I can be good,” they pant, “I can stay still.”

“Good,” he murmurs. “Because if you move, I’m taking my hand away.”

“You’re so mean,” they whimper, trying their best to keep still even with his hand working against them.

A smirk came over his face, “I am mean, we’ve been over this.”

The effort to not move made them all the more vocal, motivating Aaron to move harder and faster. An endless stream of curses and whines left their mouth.

“Fuck me,” they beg. “Please.”

“Just a little bit longer,” he says slowly. “You’re being so good for me, baby.”

Their hips buck involuntarily at the pet name and Aaron immediately takes his hand away. They groan at the lack of contact.

“Please, I didn’t mean to move,” they say. “I didn’t mean it.”

“You didn’t?” he asks, running his other hand through their hair. They shake their head, eyes pleading with him. “Just felt too good, hm? Couldn’t help it?” They nod. “Poor thing,” he coos. “Don’t let it happen again.”

And when he slowly brings his hand back down to them, they have to try doubly as hard to stay still. He hovers his hand just above them, waiting.

“Please, please,” they whimper.

“Please what?” He was having too much fun with this, they thought.

“Touch me, fuck me, anything please.”

“You’re so pretty when you beg,” he murmurs, finally touching them how they want.

They cry out, finding it nearly impossible to stay still. They wanted to touch him more than anything. Wanted to feel him close to them and under their hands, strong and warm and Aaron.

“I’m close,” they gasp. “Aaron, please fuck me.”

“Well since you asked so nicely,” he reaches over to his nightstand again, this time to grab a condom. Once covered, he hikes their leg over his hip and positions himself at their entrance. “Is this okay?”

They nod, gripping onto his shoulders.

“Use your words, Smartass.”

Frowning, they just look at him for a moment. He was smiling at them, an easy, relaxed smile. He was enjoying teasing them. The thought made them smile too, and then they thought of an idea that made them smile wider.

“Use your words, Smartass, what?”

He tilts his head at them, trying to figure out what they were asking. They just grin at him, not offering any hints. He figures it out a moment later and laughs lightly, leaning down for a quick kiss.

“Use your words, Smartass, please,” he says, playfully stern.

“Aaron, oh Aaron. Please will you fuck me as hard as you can?” they giggle.

He thinks they will probably be the death of him and he welcomes it with open arms.

Finally sliding into them, he curses under his breath. “Spent all that time working you open and you’re still so tight for me.”

He starts moving slowly at first, visually checking in with them to make sure they were okay with the movement. Once he knew they were alright, he went harder.

He doesn’t know if sex had ever felt this good before. He’d had good sex before, fun sex before, but this was something else. This made him see stars, made him want to build them a goddamn house so they’d never have to lift a finger again in their life. A small voice in the back of his head whispers I love you; the words were quickly swallowed, but heard all the same. He buries his face in their neck.

They arch into him, and he feels them clench around him. Their little gasps and moans had him close already and with them moving the way they were, he didn’t think he’d last much longer.

“You gonna come for me?”

“Yes,” they groan.

He reaches a hand back down between them, helping them closer to finishing, and they cry out into his shoulder.

“Come, baby, please. Come for me,” he murmurs.

They spasm around him and he strokes them through their orgasm, pressing kisses against their neck.

He finishes quickly after, Smartass mumbling praises in his ear and arching into him.

After giving a few more gentle kisses, he slides out of them and throws the condom away.

He lays back down and glances over at them, lying face up next to him, catching their breath. Noticing a piece of hair stuck to their forehead, he reaches over to gingerly push it back. They look over at him and even though the grin on their face is shit-eating, their eyes are soft. It makes his heart skip a beat.

He wants to hold them, wants to feel them in his arms. Maybe they’re one of those people who doesn’t like to be held after sex. Maybe holding them would make this thing– whatever it was between them– that much more serious. Aaron wanted it to be, he was serious about them. Were they serious about him?

“What are you looking at?” they tease.

He holds his breath and asks, “Can I hold you?”

They roll themselves towards him and lay themselves completely on top of him. “‘Course,” they say softly, pushing their face against him.

His arm settles against their back and he starts grazing his fingers along their skin.

“Did you ever think we’d end up here?”

“I think I hoped we would.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

They lay in comfortable silence for a while after that, breathing in sync.

“I’m glad I left.”

“For the sex?” he jokes.

“For you,” they whisper.

His fingers still against them in shock. “For me?”

They nod with their head still against him.

He smiled freely, knowing they couldn’t see his face. They felt nice against him, a comforting pressure on top of him. He thinks he could get used to having them in bed with him.

After a moment they mumble, “Keep rubbing my back, that felt nice.”

Of course, he starts rubbing their back again without another word. The last thing he thought before he drifted off to sleep was what he would cook them for breakfast in the morning.

He wakes up to them still in his arms. When he moves slightly, with no intention of moving away, they just hold on to him tighter in their sleep.

I love you.

read the rest of the series here

#minors dni #nsft #redacted asmr #redacted aaron #redacted smartass #redacted asmr fanfic #my words #feedback always appreciated <3 #nine to five

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