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kpop-with-mars · 7 months

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|Ateez X Trans (Ftm) Reader|

{disclaimer; I dont own any gifs used, this is also inspired by @kittensyoonie and their ateez x trans reader so please check them out as well~.}

{Summary: Ateezs reactions to learning that your trans/you coming out to them.}

{Tags; fluff, angst, hurt comfort, just having a silly old time (mostly),}

{⚠Warnings⚠; I haven't had top surgery or any other forms of gender affirming medical care so some things might be wrong. this also might not relate to every trans person so im sorry T^T. Also look out for misgendering, dead naming, transphobia,}

{ Hi guyss I haven't been writing alot cuz I have so many drafts and i've been working on NONE of them T^T, but don't worry I will post them soon once finished. i've got some goodies in the vault so please look forward to them. alot of these scenarios might be pretty dramatic so sorry ✌ but without farther ado you can read now. Enjoy! maybe? idk its up to you - 🃏}

Hongjoong

You were with him on vlive for your 1 year anniversary of being together so you both read atinys questions and blocked disrespectful ones.

hongjoong attached himself on your arm while you read. "Do you look at other idols?!" you read in shock, hongjoong looked directly at you menacingly. you looked away from him "no~" you answered tucking hair behind your ear.

"You better not" he kissed your cheek making you giggle while hongjoong looked at the other questions until he found one.

"Is y/n transgender?".

hongjoong stared curiously at you "yes, im transgender" as soon as you said that, the viewers and comments spiked upward.

"Im so proud of you for coming out, ill always support you" he gave you a gentle peck on your lips before he turned to the camera.

"Atiny, lets all show our support for y/n okay?. if I see anything that doesn't i won't stand for that, this is a space for everyone so lets make it feel like it" he smiled at the camera when he finished.

You both read more questions and felt thankful for the support from atinys, eventually the camera was turned off and when it did, you and him were getting ready for bed when he pulled you into his chest "I can't believe you came out like that, you didn't feel pressured into it right? " he gently stroked your hair.

"I never thought i could do that, but ever since i met you i've felt more like me" he hummed in response before he put his hand on your cheek lifting up your face "I love you~" he cooed "I love you too" he chuckled at your shyness and he hugged your head to his chest.

Seonghwa

You were at home recovering from your top surgery, you felt like tired didn't wanna move from your bed while you hugged your pillow to your chest, until you finally decided to get up and eat.

But as you walked into the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast you heard the front door unlock. you looked at the door wondering if this is the day you die until it opened to seonghwas smiling face.

"Hi honey" he walked up to you and kissed your forehead before he looked you up and down "Did you just wake up?" "No i woke up an hour and a half ago, i just got out of bed tho" he brought his hands up to your face and turned it from side to side "Did you eat yet?" you shook your head "good thing I got you some food" he handed you the food, which you ate in minutes after seonghwa guided the two of you to the table.

"Are you alright y/n?, you seem tired did you get enough sleep?" he bombarded you with questions while rubbing your back. "I feel fine, maybe just about sluggish" "I know im busy alot, but i just wanna know if something happened while I was away, please?" he moved his hand from your back to your free hand.

You decided to tell him "im sorry I didn't tell you sooner but, I got top surgery" seonghwa looked into your eyes waiting for you to explain "because im transgender" you added.

"That's cool, im glad you're okay" he smiled brightly you responed by giving his lips a gentle peck "I love you" you said making eye contact with him "I love you too, my handsome man".

Yunho

You and yunho were looking at pictures from his childhood while he told the stories behind them, alot of them making you laugh.

He was flipping though more photos when he paused "what?, what is it?" you asked him and he turned his head to you. "I don't think i've seen your baby photos before, have i?" he tilted his head to the side with curiosity in his eyes.

You didn't know what to tell him other then lying "Well i- um" you stammered "You're not embarrassed about them, right?." yunho asked when he noticed how anxious you were getting.

"Yeah, a little bit" you took a deep breath, you pulled out you're phone and showed him a picture of you as a kid. he looked at for a moment then smiled "I don't see any problem with it" yunho said with confusion.

You scrolled through your phone until you found one from prom, and you showed it to yunho. He took in the photo he was seeing before he responed "Oh, oh, you looked..." he had an awkward smile on his face "What" you asked knowing exactly what he was gonna say, until he said something you haven't heard.

"You just don't look happy in that picture, and i don't like it" he put his hand on your back. "I like who you are now because I know that you're happier this way" yunho wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into one of his special hugs.

You would cry but yunho made you too happy to, that's what you loved most about him, and that's what he loves most about you.

Yeosang

You and yeosang started working out together, nothing more sexy then seeing a muscle-y yeosang with an extra shine on his skin.

After more grueling exercise the two of you were taking a break and eating lunch together. "t-that was...alot to say the lest" he wiped sweat from his forehead with a rag and drank his shake.

"Yeah, I think im all worked out for the day" you smiled at him, mean while your sleeveless shirt puffed out and yeosang couldn't help but look "woah-" he admired your toned arms and chest, making you straighten yourself up and cross your arms over your chest.

"It's no secret your totally hot, even with scars" he laughed "Wait what scars??" yeosang made a confused face "the ones on your chest?"

"What- I don't-" "but you do?" he was getting concerned about the way you were suddenly so defensive. "Are you getting self conscious about yourself?-" "no it's just-" you felt you'd just ruined this nice day working out with yeosang by making him upset.

Yeosang came up to you and held your hand "What's wrong honey?" he asked in a sweet but worried tone making your heart sting a bit. but that made you realize this was stupid to keep from him.

"Those scars on my chest..." he looked intently at you "they're from top surgery... im transgender" yeosang pulled you into a hug while he stroked your muscles "that's nice. Im glad you're happy with who you are" he looked at you and gave your lips a quick kiss "and with me~"

You and him laughed about it and continued on with lunch "oh y/n!, can I see your abs again?...please?" his confidence faded to embarrassment when he asked, this caught you off guard but this was at KQ's gym after all, might as well give him some fan service.

"Sure" you lifted up your tank top for him, making him choke on his food for a second. you asking if he's okay until he answered "im fine...but not as fine as you~" you laughed at yeosang's cheesy pick up line and enjoyed the rest of the day with your boyfriend.

San

San was having the best day of his life when you came out wearing some of his clothes, the way his clothes looked so baggy on you made him feel like he had to protect you at any cost.

"Cute~" was the only thing he could say in awe as he stared at you, you gave him a little spin "All of your stuff is so comfy~ it was hard to choose which to wear" you went up to him and threw your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He pet your hair lightly "ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy" he stroked your cheek and kissed your forehead. "Are you ready now?" you nodded your head and san began to walk you through the bouncy choreography.

The two of you were having a fun time and laughed whenever you made a mistake, or when he did. he was showing you how to go down for the chorus. "Then we do that for one, two, three, four. got it?" he demonstrated for you while he spoke "yeah I think so" san nodded then played it for you.

You started going down with the beats while san counted. but even though the shirt you were wearing provided some good ventilation, it was going down your chest more and more with each move.

"Oh-" san laughed out and paused the music. you laughed too with him and the shirt was falling off, revealing most of your chest. san noticed this and smirked when he walked toward you then noticed your scars. "What are those?" he pointed to your chest and you looked down.

"Oh" you pulled up your shirt "those are top surgery scars" san nodded then he suddenly got a look of surprise on his face "you're transgender!?" you put a thumbs up and smiled "Ooo that's cool, like pungja right? but just the other way around?" You nodded.

San picked you up in his arms and lifted you "no wonder you have such a feminine body" he teased you and ruffled your hair "That's why I kinda like wearing your clothes, they're good at hiding it when I want to" you giggled he squeezed you tightly.

"Well like I said, ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy~" he kissed your cheek and put you down. "Alright now since you wanna know how, let me show you right now~".

Mingi

Mingi had took you with him and the members while touring around, he really needed cuddles after performing his heart out and you were his stress reliever.

He walked into the hotel room and you were on your phone and he went straight to the shower after greeting you, having been covered in sweat while you waited quietly for him on the bed.

He came out of the bathroom with his pajamas on and his hair wet. you opened your arms out to him "come here princess~" you understood how tired he was and he flopped down on your side, his head on your shoulder as his hands moved around your body.

He was obviously much taller then you but he felt so small hugging your body. "I love you~" you told him and kissed his forehead while your hand held the back of his head. "I love-" mingi froze when his hand reached a small long bump on your chest, his sleepy eyes widened a bit.

You chuckled lightly at his reaction and you held his cheeks "those are just scars. im transgender, I used to be a woman so I got surgery to get a flat chest" you explained and he nodded "That's cool~ are you happy?" he asked in a deep sleepy voice. "Of course I am. im even more happy with myself after I met you~" you kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gave you his gummy smile and he cuddled you closer to your body, laying his head against your collarbone. you turned your body to him and wrapped your arms around his head and back.

"I love you" his voice was muffled against your chest. "I love you too princess~" he smiled and you turned the lamp off and the two of you fell asleep. your princess finally getting the sleep he needed while knowing you're happy.

Wooyoung

"Come on babe!, let's go to the beach-each what they gonna say~" you heard him sing from down the hall while you were getting ready. you and wooyoung decided to go on a beach date when he had a break from promoting, and now that day was here.

You hurriedly searched for a swim shirt of any kind but to your dismay you couldn't find one. "im coming!" you threw on a shirt and run out the door with wooyoung.

At the beach you and wooyoung ate lunch that the two of you prepared together, after wooyoung finished he threw his shirt off and on your towels and booked it to the water, "Come on y/n!, let's cool off!" He yelled for you when he was in the water.

You grimaced nervously and walked over to the shore, you sat down and brought your legs to your chest. you felt the water lightly brush your feet. wooyoung raised his eyebrow at you "is something wrong babe?" he was confused by your actions.

"N-No.." you denied, but you knew wooyoung would keep pressing you til you dropped dead so you stood up and took your shirt off. you stepped into the water near wooyoung.

"See~, its not so-" he noticed your scars. "Babe?!, did something attack you in the water??. Is that why you were nervous?" he quickly stepped up to you and took your hands.

You chuckled lightly "No... im just transgender" you smile feeling your unease drip away. "Oh, well of course that's alright dummy" he hit your shoulder lightly. "I love you~" he said in a cheesy tone. "I love you too~"

He pecked your lips "I've never actually been to the beach without a shirt on sense surgery, i just get kinda nervous you know?" you admitted while the two of you were in calif deep in the water.

He smiled sweetly "I understand but lets not worry~. I promised to give you some of my confidence when we started dating..." he took a short pause to look in your eyes before he gave you a big smile "so come on lets go have fun!" He dragged you further into the water while the two of you laughed.

Jongho

A sudden knock interrupted your thoughts while in a cracked voice you said "Come in". the door opened to jongho's handsome face making you straighten up and try to make it look like you weren't crying.

"I was told you weren't feeling alright" he explained himself and sat next to you giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he looked at you with pleading eyes.

He held your hand in his squeezing it gently until you gave in and started tearing up again, "If -i was different back when I was younger, would you still love me?" he stayed silent allowing you to continue. "I know I shouldn't care what people think, but i don't feel like ill be- anything to anyone, really. I hate how people looked at me---and still look at me---especially because I knew what they were thinking"

you took in some more fresh air and wiped some tears before jongho spoke "Why would people ever judge you?". you responded "because I didn't want to be what they wanted" he thought on that for a moment before he asked another "What did they want you to be?" his voice held nothing gentleness and compassion, instantly you felt safer.

"A girl they could control" you put your face on his shoulder and lightly sobbed, jongho wrapped his arms around you and helped control your breathing. he held you in his warm chest for awhile, until you pulled away.

"You don't have to deal with this alone, okay?... I'm sorry you didn't feel safe telling me before but," he paused for a minute and held out his pinky "Let's get through this together now, promise" you let out a light chuckle and interlocked pinkies with him.

His arms snaked around you while you held him tightly hoping to never release, jongho turned your head to him and he gave you a kiss you'd been dieing to get. his lips fit onto yours like a puzzle piece, and like a puzzle you were complete.

{Hi guyss~, I sadly couldn't finish my hongjoong x trans reader one shot I was writing for his birthday so ill be working on it and ill post it when its done or just work on some other fics, speaking of them ill probably do some sort of poll or vote for these other fics I really wanna write so that I know what y'all will wanna see next~~. I got inspired by @kittensyoonie I read their ateez x trans reader thing and I was inspired by them to write this. So thank you to them and also read theirs!. - 🃏}

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69misato69 · 1 year

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🍭I have arrived. Listen to me very carefully Venus. We got one shot at this. I need you to focus on me. Ajax and Zhongli are dating and they fuck live on stream every Friday. Write this shit down. You are not writing it down. I can see.

Good boy. Now then, fucking on stream was it? Yes. Cam boy show and a wholesome audience. I need them both transgender.

Zhongli isn't there, business meeting or something. I'm not sure, make it up. I trust you.

Ajax announces that he will be alone for the stream and chat is doing their best to keep him entertained. He misses Zhongli after all.

Halfway through the stream, Zhongli joins chat with a cheeky "Without me?"

He is supposed to be busy, so it doesn't cross Ajax's mind that he would be watching. Nevertheless, he is. After he joins it's a whole another form of - putting on a show -

Do not ask me any follow-up questions. Delete this is you refuse. I have a feeling that you won't.

Yours forever and always, my friend. Godspeed.

hi anon you are... insane i love you so very much. ur the only person i have ever seen that is more off the rails than i am. i hope you enjoy this <3

masterlist ✦ archive of our own ✦ twitter

camboys childe and zhongli, zl is unable to participate in their weekly show bc he is out of town so he comes up with another solution. (2k)

c: implied top zl x bottom childe, transmasc childe with top surgery and no bottom surgery, sex toys, overstimulation, voyeurism and exhibitionism

minors DNI please. enjoy !

Childe looks around the room to make sure everything is neat and tidy. It’s silent except for the computer’s fan humming softly. Awfully quiet without Zhongli.

He hooks the cable to a larger screen and adjusts the camera. The lobby is already almost full, as it always is at least ten minutes before their weekly show.

Childe clears his throat and takes a deep breath before starting the stream.

“Hi, everyone!”

ajaxfucker69: hi jaxxx

mrincognitomode: HELLOOO

Chat floods with greetings. The forced smile on Childe’s face soon transforms into a genuine one upon reading the kind wishes, “Ah, good to see you all.”

rickastleyofficial: where lili :(

The comment causes his eyes to lose their sparkle again.

“So, right... About that, I have to tell you guys something.” he averts his gaze.

hydroslime: NO OH MY GOD NO

thisismeta: DONT SAY IT OMG

ajaxfucker69: there is no fuckng way

Dozens of comments speculate about their break up, already jumping to conclusions and expressing how devastated they are that Childe realizes how he should have probably led on differently.

“No, no of course not.” he shakes his hands in the air, “It’s just that he had to leave for a trip right after last week’s stream. He was supposed to be coming back today but… Well, some family stuff. It’s a bit complicated. In short, I’m alone today.”

rickastleyofficial: GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK DAMN

zhonglikisser: thank god but everything is ok right?

“Yes, everything is fine. But it was so last minute that we had no way of announcing it. We can wrap this up and do a longer one next week, maybe. What do you think?” Childe ruffles the back of his hair. He is visibly anxious about gathering all their audience and having to explain the sudden change of plans, but no one seems to mind.

mrincognitomode: no no hehe go ahead

simphour: fuck yourself (affectionately. i will watch <3)

Childe laughs at the remark, “Alright. No objections? I can’t really do anything that we planned on my own, though. We’ll save those for next week.”

rickastleyofficial: pls just strip and finger urself im so hungry

“How can I say no to such a kind offer?” Childe tosses his shirt aside and slides the underwear off his legs. He pads his back with a pillow and leans on it, facing the camera sideways so that his full body is on display. The light bounces off his strong arms and legs, circles around his soft belly as a soothing breeze hits him between his thighs.

Childe turns to read the bottom part of the screen, complying with every request. He parts one leg to the side as the other stays bent, hands teasing his own nipples until they’re hardened and sensitive to the touch.

Soft moans that drive everyone insane and leave them begging for more. He chuckles and slips one hand between his thighs. A rare occurrence where everyone stops typing, only to resume as soon as Childe begins to slide two fingers up and down between his folds.

He sighs blissfully, secretly sore from viciously fucking himself the whole week. He tries his best to go slow, to work out his aching cunt as it gets wetter with each passing second.

zhonglikisser: do u miss him ajax ;(

“Oh boy, do I?” Childe hisses as he brushes against his clit, “A week’s just too long.”

He circles around the sensitive bundle, pressuring every nerve ending to the point that he can’t catch his breath.

“Fuck—” Childe sighs. He grows weak, legs twitching, voice shaking and hole quivering for more.

ajaxfucker69: ur so handsome ill cry

tartalitruther: BIG BOYY

thisisalsometa: we r here dont worry ajax </3

Childe has a hard time figuring out why, but it’s much better when people are watching. It overwhelms him with pleasure knowing how so many people are drooling behind their screens, eyeing him up and down and swooning over him.

Silent worship.

Even better when Zhongli watches him when he’s not allowed to touch. He takes his time slowly working himself out and laughing as Zhongli crumbles.

He grips his thighs and grunts with every flick of Childe’s wrist until he’s allowed to press his husband against the mattress and slam into him.

Until they’re both covered in sweat and Childe’s hips are bruised from his grasp and Zhongli’s back is marked with his nails.

Childe occasionally glances at the screen but it gets harder and harder the more he melts into the sheets. The room closes twenty minutes in, so the sound of a new guest is usually never heard after that. Naturally, his eyes widen upon hearing it.

A small crown symbol that signifies a creator’s account.

Zhongli: Good evening, everyone.

“Huh?” his hand stops moving.

ajaxfucker69: HUSBAND CAMEO

ilyzhongli: yall get in formation

rickastleyofficial: hi zhongliii (twirls hair)

“Zhongli? You—came?” Childe can’t believe his eyes.

Zhongli: Not yet. You first.

godsgayestsoldier: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

bitchless: I CANT FUCJING BREATHE

rickastleyofficial: goofy ahh

Childe can’t help but laugh. Zhongli is supposed to be busy all week in a house full of his relatives, having excruciatingly long dinners every night that exhaust him into oblivion. It’s only when he’s with family that Childe gets to witness typos in his good night messages.

Zhongli: Why don’t you spread your legs and show us? I feel like I’m not getting my money’s worth.

ajaxfucker69: ur so right

rickastleyofficial: pussy reveal RIGHT NOWWW

Childe’s heart races, he shakily gets up and sits in front of the camera, spreading his legs. He’s embarrassingly wet now that Zhongli is here. He shifts forward as the chat goes berserk and slides his hand down again.

Zhongli: Beautiful.

God, he’s doing it on purpose.

Childe can’t see his face or hear his voice but it’s so easy to trick himself into thinking that it’s Zhongli touching him. He digs deep with two of his fingers, curling them up against his sweet spot and whimpering at his own touch.

Tears pool around his eyes as he bites down on his bottom lip. So sensitive and needy, he fights the urge to beg Zhongli to come back and lay him down. To kiss him all over and bury his head between Childe’s legs.

It drives him insane to think about how Zhongli would be watching him. Is he alone, stroking his cock as he watches Childe — or is he at the family function with headphones on?

It would be so wrong, with all those people around and his husband moaning in his ear.

Childe hopes it’s that one. He hopes Zhongli is hard under the table, fighting for his life and about to lose his mind.

Before he realizes he’s already clenching around his own fingers, releasing with a low moan.

ilyzhongli: TOY TOY TOY

zhonglikisser: the pink oneeee <3333 pls ajax

Childe collapses forward with a grin, “Tsk. So merciless today.”

He reaches for the drawer with shaky legs, taking out a small vibrator with a remote controller. He settles back down as the chat bubbles over with excitement.

Childe looks down, holding the device against his clit and turning it on. A squeak escapes his lips at the sensation.

“Why don’t I take some questions from the audience, and if you like my answers I’ll change the frequency?” he proposes and slides it inside. His walls tighten with the low vibrations caressing his insides.

rickastleyofficial: be honest did u fap to zhongli pics this week

“No.” a slightly twisted smile takes over Childe’s lips, “I did it to some voice messages, though.”

Zhongli: Oh?

“While wearing his clothes, maybe. Who knows?”

rexlapis: id be dying right about now

evenmoremetanow: this is true love everyone shut up

rickastleyofficial: put one on. right fking now

Childe scrapes himself off the bed, “Well, of course.”

He makes his way to their wardrobe with trembling legs, picking out a soft, light-brown, collared shirt.

He lays on his side and rests his cheek on his palm, “Might get it a bit dirty though, is that alright Zhongli?”

Zhongli: Paint it white.

ajaxfucker69: u heard the man

Childe giggles at the thought, “Ah, I’ve entertained enough requests, don’t I deserve a bit more?”

Zhongli: Agreed. Turn it all the way up.

He’s delighted to see Zhongli grow more invested by each passing minute. Sure, it’s impossible to hear it but his gentle yet demanding orders ring in Childe’s ears. He obliges happily, lower body twitching with the impact.

“Tell me, chat. If you had a boyfriend this pretty—hah—would you leave him all alone like this?”

ilyzhongli: nooo

mrincognitomode: nuh uh

Childe squirms and aimlessly grips at the sheets.

“That’s what I—ah—I thought.”

With every incoming wave he grinds down on the mattress, so full yet hollow at the same time. It has to be Zhongli bending him over, ramming into his wall and filling him up until Childe is sobbing on his cock.

“Zhongli…” he whimpers desperately without even noticing.

Begs and pleas spill from his lips for him to return, to have him whatever way he wants to as he unravels and humps the mattress with the vibrator stuffed deep inside.

Childe on their bed, using their toys in Zhongli’s clothes, moaning for him.

There is no way he isn’t going insane.

Childe can’t hold a position anymore, writhing in front of the camera with glossy eyes that make it impossible to read the screen.

He cums again while gasping for air, drooling all over the collar and staining the skirt of his shirt. The fabric is pressed in between his thighs, soaking up the wetness of his dripping cunt.

Childe rubs his eyes occasionally to skim the chat, but no one seems to have any intention to stop him. He lets out an unhinged laugh and rests on his back.

The shirt folds to the other side, exposing his body.

It would be so cruel to rob everyone of the sight, to deprive Zhongli of the waist he loves holding and kissing up at.

Childe’s back arches, hips pulsating with every orgasm as he tugs at his own hair and teases his nipples.

He presses his thighs together, turning the vibrations even more violent. His senses are going numb. The computer’s fan, he can’t hear anymore through his clogged ears. Whenever he tries to direct his gaze to the screen, his pupils roll back with pleasure so intense it feels like Childe is going to rip in half.

Face covered in his own spit and chest glistening with sweat, he palms over his cunt to find it drenched. He leaks all over Zhongli’s shirt, pathetic and so beautiful that no one can even spare half a second to blink.

Tears stream down Childe’s face as he has no choice but to reach for the remote while shaking through another orgasm.

Warmth overtakes him. He relaxes onto the bed with a long exhale and closes his eyes—

“My god.”

nomoremeta: u did so well <3

ajaxfucker69: ajax mwahhh

Childe gains composure and finally opens his eyes to a clearer scene, replying to all comments breathily and bidding everyone farewell. The count on the upper right hand of the screen gradually goes down, until there’s one person left.

One person that just won’t leave.

Zhongli: The prettiest.

“Show’s over, sir. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave the premises.” Childe says playfully.

Zhongli: Just a few more minutes.

Childe rolls up into a ball towards the camera and hugs his legs.

“Zhongli…”

“My love.” he types, already weakened with Childe’s soft, tired voice.

“I miss you…” he whines.

There is nothing Zhongli wants more than to hold him in a loving embrace, to revel in his scent with fingers carding through his soft, ginger locks until the morning.

“I miss you too. So much. Two days, and I’m there. Okay?” he types out with one hand, the other soiled with his own cum, dribbling onto the bed. His hand still hovers, leaving light strokes along his spent cock. Zhongli gazes at the screen affectionately.

“Did you like it?”

Zhongli: I did. Exquisite as always.

Zhongli: Why don’t I return the favor with a private show?

#zhongli x childe #zhongchi #zhongchi smut #genshin smut #genshin fanfic #childe genshin impact #zhongli genshin impact #ajax genshin impact #tartaglia genshin impact #zhongli x tartaglia #fandom asks #completed request

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sevcasejay1chicago · 2 years

Text

Our Lives- Jay Halstead

Summary: Jay takes you to your pre-op appointment. When it gets overwhelming, Jay knows exactly what to do.

Warnings: Panic Attack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your emotions about your doctor’s appointment were all over the place today. You were having a hard time keeping up with them, so you knew Jay was having a hard time keeping up. Though you had been nothing short of a monster, Jay had been perfect and patient as always.

“Babe. It’s going to be fine.” Jay sighed, rubbing my thigh as he drove toward Med. “It’s just a consult. Not the actual surgery.”

I sighed too, catching his hand and clutching it in mine. “I know.” I shook my head and turned toward him. “It’s just scary. This one surgery might show us our future and sometimes the not knowing is easier.”

Jay sat quietly for a moment. “I know baby, but nothing will change between us.” Jay squeezed my hand before continuing. “Plus, this might help solve your pain problems, so it’ll be a good thing.” He encouraged, pulling my hand to his lips to kiss it.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Even once we got to Med, we got out in silence, walking through the main doors and elevator without a word to each other. I greeted the nurse and signed in before going to sit next to Jay. I laid my head on his shoulder and tried to relax, clutching his hand in mine tightly. Jay rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand and kissed my head lightly.

Once the nurse called us back, Jay lifted me onto the table and sat on the chair across from me. The nurse checked my vitals, noticing my high heart rate and blood pressure. Jay let a brief look of concern flash across his face before quickly catching it and going stoic.

“Even though it’s a little high, it’s probably just nerves.” The nurse said, smiling sweetly and meeting Jay’s eyes. She could feel the tension in the air. Of course Jay would be concerned. Will was the doctor and knew why your readings looked this way, but Jay just saw the red flags of the information that was put in front of him.

I thanked the nurse as she left, watching as Jay got up and came toward me. “Babe?” I asked, confused as to what he thought he was doing.

Jay placed his hands on my cheeks and leaned his forehead against mine, breathing deeply. He was calming me down. He kept this up for a few minutes until the doctor knocked, causing Jay to kiss me quickly before I allowed the doctor to come in.

“Hello Y/N. I’m Doctor Ramos.” The doctor greeted, reaching to shake my hand. “And who might this be?” She asked, turning to Jay.

“Detective Jay Halstead.” He stood, reaching out and shaking the doctor’s hand. “Y/N’s husband.”

“Ah, Dr. Halstead’s brother.” The doctor smiled. “Nice to meet you both.” She nodded and took a seat. “So what can I do for you?”

“Umm. Im here for a consult.” I said, leaning back and eyeing her. Shouldn’t she know this?

“Right. For pelvic pain?” The doctor asked, looking at a paper in her hand.

“Yes.” I said, nodding slowly. “Im suppose to see about having exploratory surgery to find the cause.” I looked at Jay and raised an eyebrow. He was frustrated, you could see it in his eyes, but he didn’t comment.

“Well, we can get you scheduled for the surgery, but there is no promise it will lead to anything helpful. I’ll have my nurse call and set you up.” The doctor said, smiling and shaking your hand again. “Nice to meet you both.” And she was out the door.

I looked at Jay, completely dumbfounded and pissed. Jay looked the same, but mostly just concerned for me. “Well then.” Jay muttered, standing and coming over to me.

Before Jay could make it to me, I jumped off the table and stormed out the door. I knew Jay would follow, so I didn’t bother to turn and check, or even wait on him. Once in the elevator, I turned and looked at my husband. “What the fuck just happened?!” I all but screamed.

Jay jumped in surprise, giving me a look. I was normally the crier toward anything and everything. He was not expecting this reaction from me. “Woah there fiesta pants.” Jay laughed, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I couldn’t tell yah, but she really was pissing me off.”

“No fucking way.” I muttered sarcastically. “I mean, who was she to not check my chart or come in with any plan in mind? Then to tell me the surgery may be pointless.” I grunted in frustration. “Could’ve saved me a fucking trip.” I muttered, stomping out of the elevator and all the way to the truck.

Jay stayed silent, not wanting to cause a scene. He knew if he said more, you would react and he didn’t want you to let others see you like that. He knew you would regret it later if he let that happen.

Once in the safety of the truck, you crumpled, your anger turning to tears as your breathing quickened and sobs escaped. Jay opened his door and climbed in quickly as soon as he heard your cries. He pushed the console up to reveal the middle seat and scooted closer to you, taking you into his arms. “Shhh baby. It’s gonna be okay.” Jay soothed, rubbing your arm and guiding your head into his neck.

You sobbed louder and tried to take a breath. “I-if it d-doesn’t h-help I-I could be I-in pa-ain the rest-t of m-m-my life!” I exclaimed, holding onto Jay tightly.

Jay sighed, kissing the top of your head. “Our lives.” Jay started. “No matter what, I’m right here. You won’t be alone.” Jay kissed your head again, shifting to pull you into his lap. Once you were securely in his lap, he pulled your face from his neck and placed his forehead against yours, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “We will figure this out. Okay? Breathe for me.” Jay assured, locking eyes with you.

You nodded slightly, rubbing your nose against his. You went in for a kiss and Jay returned it gingerly. He knew you did this right before you went completely off the cliff. You were holding your breath to kiss him.

Once you pulled away, Jay wiped your cheeks again and kissed your nose. “Better?” He whispered, searching your eyes for any hint of a lie.

You nodded, whispering,”Better.” You sighed, leaning your head on his shoulder. “You know, I thought this would fix me.”

“There’s nothing to fix.” Jay said immediately, resting a cheek on the top of your head. “Sure, the pain and you being sick sucks, but we can manage this.” Jay said, rubbing your stomach above your shirt. “I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you are comfortable and happy. You know that.”

“I know.” You whispered, leaning back and locking eyes with Jay again. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” Jay whispered, kissing you softly.

#jay halstead #Jay Halstead x reader #comfort #anxiety attack #anxiety comfort #one chicago x reader #one chicago #detective jay halstead

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dr-davis-mde · 7 months

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both my personal blog and my work blog. blanket trigger warning for potential gore, medical distress, drugs, and sex (discussed but not depicted)

keep the parahuman politics to a minimum, im trying to stay as out of that shit as i can

DNI if you are anti-Amy Dallon/Panacea, pro-Cauldron, or a Slaughterhouse Nine fanboy/wannabe

FAQ and commission info under the cut.

FAQ

Q: Wait, so your name is Riley Grace Davis?

A: yes my name is Riley Grace Davis. yes I used to go by Bonesaw. yes I used to be a member of the slaughterhouse nine.

Q: Are you the serial killer that (insert crime against nature here)?

A: probably. i did a lot of those. i dont really REGRET them but i wont do it again i prommy

Q: Are you still a member of the Slaughterhouse Nine?

A: its been 25 years and i legit still get this question like every week. NO!!!!!!! we disbanded when Jack died and I was captured and the apocalypse started. im not involved with any of the copycat killer groups either, they all suck :/

Q: You're a monster, you should be behind bars, you should be dead, you tortured/traumatized/murdered my family/friend/loved one, you were part of the chain of events that started the end of the world, its unthinkable that people like you get to walk free just because you're a parahuman while unpowered people are imprisoned for petty larceny, etc.

A: L+ratio+direct all questions about the amnesty to your local PRT chapter

Q: What's an MDE?

A: medical diploma equivalency, established by the PRT of Earth Bet in 2002 AD. allows Thinker-class capes whose powers give them medical knowledge to obtain licensure to practice medicine without needing to attend medical school. after two decades of pestering the PRT nonstop it was expanded in 24 GM to also include Tinker-class capes with medical specialties in what historians call the "for fucks sake riley shut up, fine" amendment.

Q: What sort of surgeries do you do?

A: i am capable of performing almost any medical intervention, though these days i mostly limit myself to cosmetic body modifications

Q: How do you cope with the unbearable trauma of having had your childhood ripped away from you by a serial killer, your mind filled with unending horrors by a fragment of a cosmic being, and trying to find out who you were and atone for the sins of your past while in the middle of a world-reshaping calamity?

hard drugs, amazing yet potentially unethical and illegal sex with my beautiful perfect wife, and staying silly :3

COMMISSION INFO

i AM open to taking clients currently but i live in New Brockton on Earth Gimel and have heavy travel restrictions as a result of my parole so you'll have to come to me. payment in cash preferred but i also take valuable gemstones or drugs, if they are at equivalent value to the price. (for legal reasons the drug part is a joke.) no cards. or well, no credit/debit. i guess if you gave me a giftcard to somewhere that the food doesnt suck id accept it. unfortunately no insurance plan recognizes me but my rates are very affordable ($50-200 for most standard procedures, up to $400 if unexpected complications arise, esoteric procedure price uncapped and depends on cost of materials, legality, ease of operation, and how interested in the operation i am.)

operations i will do include but are not limited to:

gender-affirming surgeries

therian-affirming surgeries

phantom limb replacement surgery

turning you into your fursona

kemonomimi-fication

tentacle prosthesis

non-lethal flaying

genital enhancement

most body plan restructurings (additional limbs, fewer limbs, wings, organs that you carry in a bag outside your body and are connected to your torso via strange fleshy tubes, etc.)

multi-person conjoinment

hard nos:

creation of any virus, plague, biological weapon, etc.

natural weapons - claws/teeth are okay but no ranged weapons, venom, acid, prehensile bladed spines, etc.

ANY operation on another parahuman - too many chances to accidentally become an accomplice to something

anything capable of reproducing. THIS IS A CONDITION OF MY PAROLE. i am allowed to give functioning reproductive organs but any resulting offspring will be baseline human regardless of the state the parent or parents is in

ANY operation without the consent of ALL parties being operated on. this includes if the party is incapable of giving consent and you are their power of attorney (pets, minors, mentally disabled, intoxicated, etc.)

i reserve the right to refuse any procedure for any non-discriminatory reason or for no stated reason.

if you're still interested let me know and we can work out an appointment. i do not use general anaesthesia so if youre coming over for your surgery i recommend you bring a book or game or something. or we can talk, but for some reason usually people dont want to talk to me while im rearranging their limbs

#worm rp #riley davis #riley grace davis #bonesaw #wormblr #parahumans

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anaxolotlaxmurderer · 1 year

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I told myself I would participate at least once :)

@avpol-april

Day 17:Sherry/Chickens

——————————————————————————

Polnareff has just set the breakfast table when he hears a cry of agony from somewhere outside. He recognizes it as Avdol’s. It sounds a lot like the noises the other man makes while waking from some awful nightmare.

Polnareff rushes outside, finding him in the chicken coop.

“Mohammed?”

The man dosen’t respond and continues sobbing. Polnareff shoos away the concerned chickens so he can get on the ground next to Avdol who is cradling Lionel in his arms. The bird’s eyes are closed and his body hangs limp in the fortune teller’s hold.

Shit

“Oh Mo, I’m so sorry”

His lover turns around, the pained look on his face breaks Polnareff’s heart. The Frenchman gently pulls him into an embrace.

“How-how could this happen? Lionel was doing so well after the surgery” Avdol manages to get the words out before another stream of tears take over.

The two sit in the coop close to an hour until Avdol’s crying diminishes.Polnareff kisses his husband’s forehead.

“I need to get some stuff inside. I’ll be right back”

He returns with a blanket, a shoebox and a shovel.

“Here.” Polnareff wraps the blanket around Avdol “And this is for Lionel” he holds out the shoebox.

“The shovel?”

“I’m digging him a grave”

Avdol seems surprised at this information “you don’t have to.”

“I know, but I want to”

His partner smiles “Thanks.It means a lot”

“You can wait inside while I dig” Polnareff holds out a hand to help him up

“No. Im fine here.I want to spend some time with my boy” he strokes Lionel

“Alright.I’ll let you know when I’m done”

He scans the garden for the best place to bury the beloved chicken. His eyes soon land on the peach tree.Lionel’s favorite spot to sleep and scratch at when the birds were let out their coop was in the shade of that tree.

Polnareff taps the ground with the shovel to get an idea on how tough the upcoming job will be.Thankfully the dirt is soft enough for him to dig through without any additional help.

He does a little stretch before getting to work.

—-

It’s takes a while but eventually Polnareff completes the task. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, cursing when he gets some dirt on his face.

The frenchman turns to Avdol who joint him under the tree a few minutes ago.

“Ready?”

He nods and hands the box over. Polnareff takes his time to gently place Lionel’s coffin in the ground.

“Want to drop the first handful?”

Avdol picks up a fistful of dirt, letting it fall into the grave.A tear drips down his face hearing the thud of soil hit the box. Iggy notices the man’s distress and gives his hand a comforting lick.

Polnareff drops some soil himself before shoveling the dirt back into the ground. Neither of the men say anything during this process. The only sound for the next few minuets is the shovel scraping the dirt.

When all is done, Avdol places some lilies on Lionel’s final resting place.

#jjba #stardust crusaders #jean pierre polnareff #muhammad avdol #avpol #avpolapril2023

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woolywoofs · 2 years

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I wanted to post a little update. And ask for a little help, again (paypal posted below, please dont feel pressured! you and your needs come first always).

Moppa and I are still grieving Skvetta, but we are managing now. She can be left alone now without panicking and she no longer searched for her in the yard.

I had my tonsils taken out last friday, on my birthday lol. Surgery itself went well, but beforehand did not. My IV infiltrated and all of the meds to calm me down and put me to sleep just went into my soft tissue. It was extremely painful and I started to have a panic attack on the table because of it + the oxygen mask makes me feel like im suffocating (i know it doesnt make sense haha). All hands on deck after that and I had 3 people on me at once sticking me trying to get IVs in me but my veins just kept breaking. It was actual hell and felt like forever.

Recovery has been a hot mess honestly. The first 3 days were fine and since then its been reaaal bad. The ear, throat and tongue pain is unreal. I am drugged out of my mind because pain/stress is a huge seizure trigger for me, but at this point it is not really working. I did have 1 bad seizure, to a point where i had broken capillaries in my face. But thankfully it didnt create any issues with my surgery recovery. Im hoping things will start improving soon.

Generally my epilepsy has fucked up a lot. My short term memory is messed up and I have lost some skill sets after the bad seizures. I have been re-learning how to draw and paint! It is a very tedious process but i really feel like im making progress.

My autoimmune disease has been lowkey out of control and I saw my rheumo and I am going back on a low dose chemo drug. It really did help last time, it just made me so sick. But we will be looking into every option to control my nausea etc! So im trying to be hopeful. Ill start once im completely healed from my tonsillectomy, since the meds make you more likely to get infections and slows healing.

My uterus has also been absolutely fucked, once again. We were really hoping that removing the mass, scraping my uterus and putting the IUD would stop the bleeding, and it did, for 6 months. But im having issues again and I saw a specialist and we decided that the only option left for me is a hysterectomy. There is a year long wait though. This wasnt exactly on my list of things to do at 27.. but i suppose it is what it is.

Now for some good. Moppa is healthy and happy. She was attacked by a dog in september and got a bad gash but shes completely healed! She loves the fenced yard. We have been working on nosework stuff when im feeling okay enough for it! She is honestly such a light in the dark and I love her.

I get to renew my lease next year so i dont have to worry about housing!! Rent will be increasing bc inflation but im okay with swapping some meals with ramen to make things work, when I cant make extra money. I have been learning how to quilt!! My grandma does it a lot and i asked her to teach me so I am working on a project with her.

While things are generally a hot mess right now, i am mostly okay. And i feel like thats a big improvement for me, im not sure I would have handled all this a year ago. And im proud of myself.

With everything going on, I have obviously been unable to do commissions, or taking in dogsitting clients or anything i typically do to make money. If anyone is able to help, it is really appreciated. *This is my PayPal*, im afraid its my only way to receive anything. *any* amount helps. I really hope this is the last time i ever have to ask for anything. I feel like things are going to turn around now that we have solid plans to help with my health issues. The hope is that once my uterus is out and the low dose chemo has gotten my overall pain under control, that my epilepsy will chill out. It seems to be easily triggered via pain and hormones.

Thanks to anyone who had the patience to read this thing. I just havent posted an update in so long that there was a lot to say 😅 i am going to start being more active on here as ai really miss it. I will include the 2 art pieces I managed to make and finish. It took forever to figure everything out but im proud of myself. Quality may be a little destroyed bc tumblr likes to do that... i really hope i can offer commissions again soon. I might choose a person or two at random that donates and do a ghost commission like below for them? I can at least try. But youd have to message me on here after donating so i know who you are, i think i can attempt dog, cat or rabbit. But i cant promise anything.

I talked forever, im so sorry lol. Here is the paypal again because its definitely lost up there in the babble

Just to end this.. Has anyone here had a tonsillectomy as an adult and can tell me at what point it got better?

#personal babble #lord sorry for going off forever #my art

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asexual-means-no-attraction · 2 years

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i dont know where else to do for thie but do you need to be on HRT to have ftm SRS ? i dont really want to get on hrt because i dont really feel dysphoric over many of the things it changes that i couldn't go to the gym or take voice lessons over so the risks aren't worth it plus im scared of needles BUT i desperately want top and bottom surgery and i dont know if its possible to get those without being on hrt… im pretty sure top surgery is but i don't know much about bottom surgery in general to begin with.. i just turned 18 and i didnt have supportive parents so it's only now that im in control of my own medical shit that i get to think about this stuff. sorry if this makes no sense

Stuff to know about medically transitioning to male:

-its not a race. You don't need to rush into anything. Take your time to feel comfortable with each choice towards your transition.

-its not a contest. You don't need to do every possible thing in order to be male. The important thing is becoming more happy and comfortable in your body.

Types of hormone replacement therapy (hrt):

-testosterone isn't a trans men exclusive thing. There's a lotta cis men and such who take it too.

-it is however, a controlled substance. You need to be careful about cross contamination.

-the most common method of taking hrt is through injections. These needles usually go in your thigh and you can do it every week or every other week. The effects occur more quickly than other types, however there is a bit more of a dip around the end of your cycle- especially if you do it every other week. This dip can be felt, but it poses no actual issues. It's just like a bit of a hormone drop, you'll be fine.

-if you don't like needles you can also do gel packs. I did these for 2 years and they're very easy to do. You simply rub the gel on your upper arm and let it dry. The medicine is absorbed through your skin. There is no dip with the gel medication, but it does take longer when you first start for effects to start being noticable. It also dries out your skin.

-there's also technically a patch thing that you can put under your tongue. But they don't suggest it cuz it fucks up your liver. If you don't like needles, just do the gel. It works just as well as needles.

What does HRT do for trans men:

-you're voice will lower (it'll get squeaky like a teenage boy first tho), you'll get a lot more hair, possible receding hair line on your head, a lot more sweaty, gain more muscle mass, a lot of hair (butt hair is no joke), acne (this dies down after a year or so), fat distribution, being unable to sing because your voice dropped and you're trying to hit pitches you can't anymore lol, facial hair (look at biologically related men in your family to get an idea of how it'll likely grow), taste buds might change, when you first start your emotions are gonna fluctuate (once your hormones balance out this will die down), increased sex drive, (trigger for nsfw) your clit will grow and become more sensitive, periods stop within 3-6 months normally (might take longer), reduced fertility, increased chance of certain medical conditions (ex: high blood pressure or heart attacks), easier to gain and lose weight, etc.

-always take ONLY the amount prescribed. Not enough testosterone and you won't see an effect, and too much testosterone will be changed into estrogen by your body. You can't take more because you missed a dose, or double up on anything.

How top surgery works:

-this surgery doesn't take long, but has a month long recovery minimum, with everything being completely done around the 6 months mark normally.

-in non medical terms, they take off your boobs, cut off excess skin, sew you back up in a way that looks like a male body, and put on nipple grafts that take a good long while to finally look ok.

-its actually not bad at all. I had no issues with my top surgery. Recovery was easy enough. And over a year later I look great.

-you do not need any HRT for top surgery. Testosterone has no effect on the results or actual procedure. So no worries there.

-downside is really just the lack of sensation around your chest for a while. It does come back. Some people report never feeling their nipples again, some report being able to after a year or so. It is dependent on the person, not the quality of the operation.

How bottom surgery works:

- this one is a lot more complicated involving multiple surgeries and much longer recovery processes.

-in non medical terms (trigger for nsfw), for the first surgery they extend your clit and urethra so you can pee out your clit like a dick. This is still smaller than the average dick and can't be used for penetration. You can get another surgery to make your dick bigger (involving a skin graft) as well as a surgery to get balls. Types and sizes of dick can vary.

-downsides are the recovery times and the time it can take to gain back sensation. Some people report never getting feeling back down there, or not as much as they had before surgery. However, the regret is very low for those who get it. Most people are very happy with the results.

-you do need to be on HRT in order to get bottom surgery. I believe it's for 2 years? You need to have your (trigger again) clit growth for a while in order for them to make it work.

How to start the medical process:

-research what's available in your area and talk to your doctor about getting a referral. It might be more complicated depending on where you live but that's really how you start.

-ask questions. Ask as many questions as you need to your doctor(s) about what everything will do.

-get a therapist. Most places will require a therapist letter in order to start medically transitioning.

-look up photos of results of everything.

-take your time

-you'll be ok. It's ok to be nervous, it's ok to be unsure. That's why you ask questions and you research to make sure you're comfortable with your choice. You'll be alright, it just takes time. You'll get there, I promise.

-good luck, and feel free to ask me for more info on anything.

#answered #ask #not discourse #trans #transgender #ftm #trans male #hrt #tips #advice #medically transitioning

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orbleglorb · 10 months

Note

🥛🍨🍎 for gwen because i love a girl with problems. 🍒🍑🧅 for honey nut alpha supreme my beloved. 🥐 for both because i'm mentally ill about homelands

link to the ask game !!

hiii ty for all the asks :D im sorry this took a while. as you can see, there was a lot

Gwen:

🥛 [MILK] What is your OC's relationship with their biological parents like? What about their relationship with any non-biological parental figures?

oh. ohoho. so. gwen's family is complicated.

to fully understand the picture, we have to go back like 3 generations. maría elena and jose salinas were blessed with a family of supernatural talents and cursed with every single member of that family suffering (which usually leads to their death). maría elena and jose are exempt from this, but all of their descendants are affected by it. they have three children: ana rosa, carlos, and martín. ana rosa can mend anything, carlos can control water, and martín can alter other people's emotions (and, later on, control them). all three of them have kids as well: ana rosa and her husband have two daughters, paula (can talk to animals) and gabriela (is virtually indestructible). martín and his wife have one daughter, laura. and carlos and his wife have twins, diego and ramiro. the curse struck first when the twins were about 8 months old. carlos and diana (his wife) hire a babysitter, a trusted family friend, so they can go on a date. they get interrupted in the middle of it when a police officer notifies them that the babysitter drove her car into a lake. diego was sitting on a bench outside the lake, completely dry and unharmed, and ramiro was never found. although there's no body, he's presumed dead, because like, he's fucking 8 months old. he can't fend for himself. if someone took him they probably have bad intentions.

a month or so later, in a completely unrelated event (sarcasm), an unidentified baby is found in a dumpster outside a denny's in san antonio by an overnight employee. for reference, the salinases live in oregon, on the washington-oregon state border. san antonio is in texas. the baby is taken to the hospital, and he's relatively unharmed, but all of his organs are in weird places. but he's functioning fine and surgery for babies sucks so they don't do anything about it. he is adopted by a couple in a small town outside of san antonio named salvation. the couple names this baby william.

william grows up and moves to oklahoma for college and to get away from his shitty family, meets mallory, marries her, and has a family with her. they have three children: connor, gwen (she's a trans girl but i haven't given her a deadname or anything), and christopher. and then the curse hit super hard. connor gets almost killed & is replaced by a doppelganger. christopher and mallory are killed by the doppelganger. gwen is almost killed by the doppelganger. the doppelganger fucks off before the police catch him and he is never seen again.

so, now i can answer this question! gwen is immensely attached to her father. after being almost killed, she would freak out every time he left without her. even if it was just, like, to take the trash out. she was incredibly close with her mom and just kind of has a void where her mom was that she doesn't want to replace. which worked out fine, when her dad didn't want to date anyone, but now he's... kinda got something going on with a guy down the street. they're not dating but they kinda obviously have Some Feelings there. and she claims that she's not pissed about it and that she's fine with it but she's so mad and she is not ok with it. she views her relationship with william as them vs the world and it's really terrifiying that that might change. the guy, matt, is like, a decent guy. he's also a vampire but he was only turned in like 2012 or whatever. and nobody knows that. matt's super nice and fun and has no idea why this teenage girl that lives near him just glares at him all the time. but as he gets closer to william, he does try to also get closer to gwen, but she's keeping him at arms length. except like. she doesn't want to even touch him so she's using a 10 ft pole.

at some point, william has to do a dna test for medical reasons (my dad, who is also adopted, did this as well, so i am not just pulling this out of my ass, although it kinda sounds like it). william made an impulsive decision to opt in to see his family, and then regretted it. he worried the entire time it was processing. he finally got the results and a lot of his bio family members were on there. and ofc gwen was along the ride for this whole saga so she starts looking some of them up. she finds some newspaper clippings about gabriela's stunt actor days, paula's obituary, an instagram account for marco, and... absolutely nothing for diego, who is listed as william's brother. so she does a lot of digging and eventually comes across a social media site that has an account for him. she has to make an account to view anything, and it asks her some weird questions (definition for edgirst, name at least flower native to a certain zipcode, Your Best Friend, and your relation (if any) to someone on the site). she gets 3/4 questions wrong but it lets her in b/c she's related to diego salinas. and everyone else on the website is super confused, because she's not supposed to be here, this is only for ppl from viallston, but she's related to diego, which means there's a good chance ramiro is alive, etc etc etc. but this other kid on the site, alejandro, sees a new person and decides to torment her a little. except if there's one thing gwen can do, it's commit to the fucking bit, so they get along great. alejandro isn't a parental figure but they definitely act like siblings together and it's really helpful for gwen.

🍨 [ICE CREAM] How does your OC compose themselves in stressful situations?

she acts super composed and organizes EVERYTHING. she spends a lot of time obsessing over how to fix it but still knows how to act put-together, until she doesn't and she snaps and everything crashes.

🍎 [RED APPLE] Who does your OC value above all else?

her dad. her friend arthur is a close second. but she loves her dad and would do anything for him

ok. the rest will be under the cut. because this is long

Honey

🍒 [CHERRY] Who is your OC's perfect companion?

ummm haven't heard about artemis in a bit but they're good for each other i think! they both know how to commit to the bit, they compliment each other well (personality-wise), and they both have similar qualities and values. also there's a lot of fun angst of honey falling in love with a dogboy while having a trauma-induced phobia of dogs

🍑 [PEACH] How do they show their kindness? How kind are they truly?

cooking for ppl

🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information?

dogs. especially being surprised by dogs. all of the guys know this b/c johm tried to surprise everyone with brand new mascot barke fever and she was inconsolable for like an hour and a half

both of them:

🥐 [CROISSANT] Where is your OC from? How do they feel about their homeland? Where are they now?

Gwen: she's from oklahoma and she's moved around a little bit. oklahoma was fine, but it was heavily christian, and her family is so... not christian. she would go to church events just to be able to socialize outside of school (this is something i did as well). her dad has a lot of trauma with christianity (re: salvation, tx) so he was Weird about it. she liked some of the people but she wasn't attached to oklahoma. they live in new york now, and she feels a lot more comfortable in her own skin so she's better at socializing & feels better in general. besides, she's not known as the weird girl whose brother killed her family! she's just gwen! she loves it here

honey: from the appalachian region in eastern tennessee. she loves the woods. she loves being outside and in nature. she can't be in memphis for very long without getting snappy and upset. she actually doesn't live in memphis, she lives on a farm a while away. she doesn't like cities and gets claustrophobic in them. she knows several parts of the mountains like the back of her hand. she knows the local wildlife and they know her. she loves appalachia and it loves her back

#asks 4 sasha #oc: gwen shrapner #oc: gwendolyn shrapner #forgot which is the tag #blb oc: honey nut alpha supreme #memphis guys

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nototallyme · 1 year

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It’s so bizarre to me that I’ve dealt with ear problems since I was a kid. I’ve had many surgeries since then for Constantine getting ear infections from swimmers ear, cholesteatoma, and even taking bone from one of my ears to add it to my other to totally reconstruct my ear and eardrum. The constant surgeries makes it where I can’t get my ear wet for almost a year. Even when it’s been past that time, I’m still making appointments to the ent bc I have another infection. The infections are not because I’m dirty but because my ear does not drain well and keeps the water and humidity in the ear. To me not being able to shower properly but always wash my hair in the sink like a child. The neck pain and water everywhere just so I can have clean hair and not get my ear wet. The aches and the sometimes blood from my infected ear. I’m 19 and I was just told like a year ago that I can take proper showers and not have to worry about keeping water out of my ear. Now, my left ear has cholesteatoma, again, and I’ll have surgery, again, next year. I’m so tired. My ears went through so much and still are and it caused my eardrums to thicken due to the repeated trauma. Just to give a quick summarization on my hearing, ear drums vibrate bc of sound and it gets processed. Since my eardrums are thicker than normal, my eardrums are not vibrating well and processing the sounds. Although my nerves in my ears are fine and normal, surprisingly due to excessive surgeries and the damage, hostility, and abrasive it is. Each surgery there are risks. I even had to change my headphones bc the earbuds would cause ear infections. I’ve found bone conducting headphones which sends the music to my nerves instead of through the eardrum and they’re a blessing bc I can hear without it being at 100%. They’re fucking ugly though. But my left ear has cholesteatoma again and my right ear is bleeding bc it probably has another infection. They can’t see me until late December and infections can be damaging. Again, I’m just so tired and worn out. I can not hear someone whispering. I can’t hear footsteps, doors opening or closing, garage doors, the air coming on, car horns from inside the car or emergency vehicles, knocking, people asking me questions at checkout, and so on. It’s so frustrating and hard to deal with bc I’m losing my hearing every time I get a hearing test. Im close to being deaf and having to learn sign language. I don’t realize the things I’m not hearing like I used to until someone talks about it or I think about it. I got a loud ass fan facing me in my tiny room and I was going to bed but I had to open my ears and turn on my light to see if it was on. Usually I hear it and it sounds like white noise but I couldn’t hear it this time. My favorite music that I can listen to over and over without getting tired of it can just be gone any second. I won’t be able to hear my dog whining or snoring in his sleep, which I barely can now and I have to try to listen to hear it if he’s loud. It’s so pathetic. It’s so damaging having to wear hearing aids so young. And ppl getting aggravated with me bc I can’t hear them when I’m asking politely saying ‘sorry I couldn’t hear you, could you repeat that’. I just can’t handle this much longer

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killianglyndon · 3 years

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Reunion (tbb ep.16 fix-it fic)

Pairing: Crosshair x Medic! Female Reader

Warning: tbb ep.16 spoilers, mentioned of killing people, inhibitor chip?, some kissing, grammar mistakes, typo (cause i didn’t proof read lol. im too tired to do that.)

A/N: anyway, i was so mad and sad about tbb finale, so i decided to write a fix-it fic. That doesn’t mean I hate the episode, this is just my version of story. im not really good at writing so...haha. that’s why im a gifmaker, also my main language is not English, so there would have some typos and grammar mistakes.

Word count: 1.6k

read on ao3

You and The Bad Batch were on the way to save Hunter. You knew this would be a trap, but you couldn’t help but think of a certain sniper, your lover.

You and the batch didn’t understand what had happened to him at first, his brother, your love. The way he called you and the batch traitor, the way he raised his gun to you, and the way he talked. This wasn’t him, this was not the crosshair you know.

Then, it turned out that the kaminoans had implanted inhibitor chips in every clone to make clones blindly follow orders, even killing the jedi.

“Good soldiers follow orders” This line kept echoing in your head after you heard Crosshair say it. This, this was not the crosshair you know.

***

“You and omega wait here” Echo told you and omega.

“No, we should stick together!” Omega protested.

You put a hand on Omega’s shoulder, trying to calm her.

“No, echo’s right” Wrecker agreed with him.

“Stay out of sight, if things go south we’ll send you a signal. Go back to the ship and contact Rex.” Echo added, looking at you and omega.

You gave him a nod and pulled Omega back to your side before watching them ascend to the training room.

You know how much Hunter meant to Omega, the way they interacted, and the way they cared for each other. You understood why the young girl looked up to him.

“Omega, I’m sure they’ll get Hunter back.” You reassured her.

“I know, and Crosshair.” She looked at you with her bright eyes.

You were a little shocked when she mentioned him. All this time, you tried so hard to suppress your feelings for him, your love for him. The batch knew that you missed him, they could tell. The way you stared into his empty bed, and the nights that you cried until you were too tired and the tears were dried.

“Yeah, and Crosshair…” You smiled sadly at the young girl.

***

When you and Omega joined the batch in the training room, you, Omega, and AZI stayed in one of the gun towers. That was when you saw him, your Crosshair. Hunter and he were tackling each other while Tech, Echo, and Wrecker were shooting the droids.

“I believe you may have activated a few too many droids.” AZI said to Omega and you.

“ We can see that, AZI.” Omega raised her bow, aiming for the nearest droid to Hunter and Crosshair. Meanwhile, you used your blaster to shoot some of the droids near the others.

***

After clearing out all the droids, you, Omega, and AZI joined the others on the ground. You walked closer to Crosshair and Hunter.

You could see that Crosshair was shocked to see you, the coldness in his eyes, mixing up with a tiny bit of shock.

The big scar on the right side of his head was horrifying, did the empire did this to him? Your heart almost broke into million pieces, seeing the love of your life like this.

“Crosshair…” Your voice almost sounded like a whisper.

For a moment, you see the real Crosshair, your Crosshair. But soon replaced by the coldness and aloofness.

“Crosshair, forget the empire. This isn’t you, it’s the inhibitor chip.” Hunter tried to talk some senses into him.

“Wrong.” Crosshair stared back at Hunter. “I had my chip removed a long time ago.” He added.

All of you looked shocked, Tech and Wrecker looked at each other, speechless. Hunter almost looked hurt.

“Since when?” Hunter asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes”

No. No. This is not Crosshair. The Crosshair you know would never do this.

“Cross, the empire lied about many things, what if they lied to you?” You asked, trying to hold back your tears.

“This is who I am.”

Crosshair tried to raise his rifle, but Hunter was faster. He stunned him before Crosshair’s attempt.

***

“Hunter, three Venators are descending on the city. We need to leave, now.” Tech stated.

“Wrecker, grab Crosshair. He’s coming with us.” Hunter grabbed Crosshair’s rifle and backpack, while you went to picked up Crosshair’s helmet.

You saw Omega gave Hunter a nod before walking away. Hunter caught you staring at him, so you gave a sad smile to him in return.

“He’s coming home with us.” Hunter said.

***

You and The Batch finally made it to Nala Se’s lab, Tech and Echo were currently trying to figure out a plan. After Crosshair and Hunter’s intense conversation, you saw him walking to the window and taking a seat to rest.

“AZI, come with me, I need your help on something.” You asked.

AZI followed you to Crosshair, you took a seat beside him.

“Crosshair…”

“What do you want?” He asked coldly.

“AZI is a medical droid, he can scan you to check if you still have the chip.”

“Indeed, I helped CT-5555 removed his and CT-5385’s chip according to my memory database.” AZI said.

“Fine.” Crosshair agreed reluctantly.

“CT-9904, this scan only takes a few seconds” AZI said before scanning Crosshair.

To be honest, you knew he still had the chip, you hoped he still had the chip. Cause there was no way, no way the Crosshair you knew would be like this.

“The scan is completed.” AZI said.

“So..?” You asked.

“CT-9904 still has his chip, the chip’s effect was weakened due to the injury from ion engine.” AZI answered.

You felt almost relieved?

The Batch heard it and rushed to you, “He still has...his chip?” Hunter asked, sounded a little guilty.

Echo, Tech, Omega, and Wrecker looked at each other, surprised by this unexpected news as well.

“That would be correct.”AZI replied.

“Could you remove it, AZI?” Omega asked, she wanted his brother back as much as any of you did.

“Yes. I’m capable of removing CT-9904’s inhibitor chip.”

“Do it.” Hunter said.

You stayed next to Crosshair while AZI removed his chip. The surgery was faster than you think, you hold Crosshair’s hand during the whole surgery, and you still holding it now.

“CT-9904’s chip has been removed. He should be awake in any minutes.” AZI stated.

You felt his hand pressing yours, “Crosshair?”

“I...I…”

“Hey, you’re okay now. We removed your chip.” You reassured him.

Crosshair looked away from you, his eyes filled with guilt, confusion, anger, sadness.

“Don’t you hate me?” He asked. “All those things I had done…”

Your hand reached out to stroke his face, “No. Never. I know it’s the chip, Cross. It’s not your fault.” You smiled at him. “I love you, always and forever.”

Crosshair put his hand on your face, wiping away the tears falling down your face. “ But I shot at you, I tried to kill you… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Shhh, I forgive you, Cross. All of it. I’m sorry we didn’t come to save you earlier…”

Crosshair sat up and pulled you into a hug, you melted into his touch, inhaling his scent. Your Crosshair was finally back to you, this is real. The sleepless night without him, the loneliness, the emptiness, the desperation, were all gone. Crosshair was back to you, alive.

“I love you too, cyare.” He said it back.

He pulled away a little so he could kiss you on the lips, his hand trailed to your nape, kissing you with force. You and Crosshair clung on to each other so hard, afraid you would lose each other again. That was when you heard Hunter cleared his throat, you two finally pulled away from each other.

“I know you two miss each other but this lab is about to collapse. and this is not very…” Hunter said and eyed Omega.

“Right, sorry about that.” You answered, then looked at Crosshair whose arm was still wrapped around you. “Cross.” You nudged him.

“Fine.” He gave up and retreated his arm.

“I see Crosshair still has his severe and unyielding personality.” Tech stated.

“This is called missing someone, Tech.” Crosshair said and pulled out one toothpick to throw it at him.

“Ha! He’s back!” Wrecker exclaimed and playfully punched Crosshair’s shoulder.

Crosshair pretended to show an annoyed face, but deep down you knew he missed his brothers.

“Listen, Crosshair. I’m sorry. We should have come for you earlier.” Hunter said. “I was trying to keep the rest of the squad safe, but you are one of us. I’m sorry.”

Crosshair didn’t say anything, just stood up and walk toward Hunter. For a moment you thought he was going to punch him, but instead, Crosshair extended his hand to Hunter.

Hunter looked at Crosshair’s hand then his eyes, he reached out his hand to shake Crosshair’s.

“We need to leave fast, the structure could not hold much longer.” AZI chimed in.

***

All of you finally made it to the platform, for once the Kamino is sunny.

Omega stared at the Tipoca City, which was all destroyed. “It’s… all gone.”

You looked at that direction, the place all clones called home was all gone. The Batch and you took a few seconds to process this, to accept the fact.

“We should leave before Empire’s scouts show up.” Tech said.

“You coming with us?” Wrecker asked, looking at Crosshair.

“Yeah.” Crosshair said and took out a toothpick, putting it into his mouth.

Hunter nodded at him before walking to the ship with the others.

You still stood next to Crosshair, “You ready?” you asked.

“Yeah.” He gave you a little smile then intertwined his hand with yours, leading you to the Marauder.

You didn’t know what the future would be, but one thing was sure. Crosshair would be right beside you, always and forever.

tagging: @ahsoka1 @kavecika @starwarschicken @itsjml @ct-1994 @loth-wolffe-main @theiirs @thefeatherofhope @ahs0ka-tan0 @mallr4ts @kriffclone

#the bad batch #clone trooper crosshair x reader #crosshair x you #crosshair x reader #commander crosshair x reader #the bad batch x reader #bad batch crosshair x reader #star wars #tbb spoilers #crosshair #crosshair bad batch #mywriting

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pinksatinsashes · 3 years

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Hi hannah! recently there’s been some controversy of being “that girl” and how it’s glorified on tiktok. I love self improvement tumblr because it’s the best thing that’s happened to me and im sure a lot of us! it’s a sense of community! It’s giving me anxiety that “that girl” is being looked down upon when it’s a motivator factor for me to be my dream girl

Hi angel!

Honestly I don't get the controversy and hatred of the trend if I'm being completely honest. I'm not sure if it's because I've made an effort not to get annoyed or bothered by things that don't matter or what but my ultimate verdict is:

It's really not that deep.

I live a life of not stressing my self out about things that don't matter so when I see others doing it, it's just like? Why?

When I see something dumb I go "well that's dumb" then I scroll along. I don't go on about it and ruin it for other people.

Anyway, you want my opinion so lets get into it.

As I said I get both sides.

The Positive Side

The "That girl" trend has inspired a lot of people to take better care of themselves. Do regular exercise, eat better, take care of their mental health.

And seeing as right now things that are being glorified are:

Getting plastic surgery to fit the beauty standard (which is literally always changing)

Victimising yourself in literally every way possible.

Talking bad about yourself as a form of "humour".

Binge eating unhealthy food for views.

Doing drugs and binge drinking.

Trauma dumping

Sharing literally every detail of your life for full on strangers to see.

Being a bimbo????

The That Girl trend is absolutely not the worst thing to come out of tiktok or social media in general.

Now do I think the 'That girl' trend is the best thing ever? Absolutely not.

The Negative Side

Now I'm not even going to talk about how people think its unrealistic and unattainable because I completely disagree and wholeheartedly believe that people are trying to make excuses.

Because waking up early drinking green juice, working out, journalling and meditating really isn't that hard.

I can genuinely do all of that before 9am if I wanted to. Do I? No, because I don't want to.

I don't like green juice and it's really not that great for you. By juicing the fruit and veg you're removing the majority of the fibre and leaving a bunch of sugar with reduced nutritional value. Now this would be fine if it actually tasted good, but it doesn't to me. I'm not trying to act like I'm better than anyone but if I'm going to drink something with very little nutritional value it better taste good.

I don't like waking up "early" to go work out. I wake up at 7-8am every day and that's good enough for me. I also don't like working out in the morning, it tires me out. I work out at 4pm, get home, cook and eat my dinner then chill for a few hours and go to sleep. I always get the best sleep when I do this and it's what works best for me.

I also don't like meditating or journalling in the morning either, I do both those things right before bed.

This all leads to my biggest problem about this trend.

While scrolling through tiktok the other day (before I deleted it) I saw this girl showing the behind the scenes to her self care account. The things she shows in those videos she didn't actually do. She'd get into her shower, film turning it on and never get in, film the face masks and never put them on and lay out pyjamas that she never wore.

It got me to thinking, how many people on the "That girl" trend are actually doing the things that they show and how many are just holding the pose for a second or two for the video then go pig out on the sofa.

My biggest problem is that people are doing it for the trend, for the aesthetic.

The that girl trend is an issue because of what it is.

The that girl trend is about becoming THAT girl that everyone sees on social media that has their life together, and while that isn't inherently wrong, the problem is that it's not really about being "That girl" it's about LOOKING like that girl.

No one is really doing the exercise to look after their body and become healthier, they're doing it to post it on their stories.

No one is drinking green juice because they like it or because it's good for them, they're drinking it because of the trend.

That's the problem, people aren't actually improving themselves, they're just pretending to.

Because self improvement isn't about waking up early drinking green juice, working out, journalling and meditating.

It's about doing things in that are actually achievable and can be maintained. There is no way that I can maintain waking up at 5am everyday to go to the gym, I tried it and I hated it. Now I wake up when I want to and go to the gym at a time that makes sense for me.

Self improvement isn't about journalling because of a trend, it's about journalling for whichever reason that you want to journal. I journal to organise and make sense of my thoughts which VASTLY helps my mental health. Others my journal just so they can look back on their previous days.

Self improvement isn't about eating healthy because of a trend, it's about eating healthy because listen, you only have this one life and this body and if you're going to be here living you better make the most of it and look after yourself.

When you do things because it's trendy, you miss the point a lot of the time. For example, half the 'healthy' meals I see aren't even that healthy. And also what's healthy for me may not be healthy for you.

Self improvement is about improving yourself, not about trying to come across a certain way for social media.

That girl isn't being looked down upon, "That girl" is inspiring but guess what, she does what she does because she wants to and it makes sense for her. not for social media.

Lastly, my love to answer the rest of your question.

"That Girl" Tikok vs Self Improvement Tumblr

I honestly don't think they're the same at all, though they can be if you only follow the aesthetic accounts on Tumblr.

I find that self improvement Tumblr teaches you ways to improve your life. Teaches you how to set boundaries and how to make yourself feel and look better. I've seen so many posts speaking out about being yourself and not following trends.

Self improvement Tumblr is about ACTUAL change. It teaches you how and TikTok just shows you the aesthetic and not so much the hard work that it takes to get there.

TikTok doesn't explain why you drink green juice, just that ooh it looks so pretty with this filter on it.

I've never seen a blog tell you to do something without telling you why, this way you can make an informed decision instead of just taking peoples word for it.

I hope this makes you feel better as I understand where you're coming from. Theres nothing wrong with being inspired by the trend or motivated by it. That's the whole point of it. But it's just not helpful when you're making moves to improve yourself because it doesn't tell you how to do it, it just shows you the final product.

Doing all the things that girl does won't make you that girl. Nor should you want to be. You should be the best version of yourself, not someone else.

And also, don't let other peoples thoughts on a trend take the fun out of it for you, you are more than capable of forming your own thoughts and opinions and you should.

Anxiety is hard I know. But there's such a beautiful freedom that comes from not caring about others opinions on you and doing what works best for you.

MUAH xx

#hannahlovesyou #hannahanswersquestions #self improvement #that girl #tiktok #trends #instagram #level up #level up journey #level up mindset

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shoutaaizawas · 3 years

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↳ bakugou katsuki x reader → ❝wait for you❞ part one

summary: bakugou is your best friend, you both dream to become great heroes. when bakugou ends up in a coma most move on but you can’t leave your best friend behind. word count: 2k+ tags/warnings: romance, angst (with a happy ending eventually), a/n: im alive! sort of. finally finished one of my many wips in between watching greys anatomy. shoutout to the show for some inspiration for this. those background patient plot lines hurt sometimes.

Bakugou Katsuki was your best friend. That might be hard for a lot of people to believe considering how hostile he could be sometimes. Most would describe him as feisty and unfriendly but there was always something that drew you to him. From the first day at UA, you knew he was going to be your best friend even if he didn’t want to at first.

It didn’t take long for him to start liking you back even if he refused to admit it. It was impossible for him to deny that it was nice to be cared about and it was harder to deny that he cared about you. It was something he never expected, to care about someone so much that when you missed a meal he would be shoving food in front of you, or if you were staying up too late he would force you to go to bed early. Even the smallest things about you concerned him.

The two of you made the perfect pair, you helped each other train and study. When he went through his worse times you were there for him, through the nightmares, through the panic attacks, you helped him when he didn’t want anyone to see him.

Bakugou wasn’t your only friend but your relationship with him meant everything to you. Your friendship with him ran deep. He was your person. He was the first person you thought about every day, he was the first person you told good news to, the first person you went to when you were upset.

Your friendship was everything to you and you always imagined it meant a lot to him as well.

Throughout the school years, it only got deeper. It was finally your last year of high school and you and Bakugou were both on track to become amazing heroes. Both of you had worked so hard to be at the top of your class and it was almost time to go into the real hero world. You had even both secured spots at the top agency you had been eyeing for a long time.

You wondered if you would be partners at your agency? That would be too perfect. Both of you had bright futures ahead of you but one day took that away.

It was a normal day, you and Bakugou were working your intern patrol shift. It was sunny but not too hot and things were reasonably calm. There were a few crimes to keep things interesting but nothing too dangerous. It was a good day.

The two of you were eating lunch, you had gotten your favorite sushi for lunch despite the fact that Bakugou wanted to get ramen. But fair was fair and you had won your game of rock, paper, scissors.

That’s when the chaos broke out. A villain was attacking and you both sprung into action without a second thought. It was going well as it usually did, you worked together flawlessly. A perfect team. That was until Bakugou took a hit neither of you saw coming.

The sight of him tumbling across the pavement made you sick. You quickly subdued the villain before running to Bakugou’s side. He was laying on the ground face down. You turned him over, his face was covered in blood. Your heart sunk at the sight of him, eyes half open and face bruised.

Sirens alerted them to the arrival of the ambulances.

“Katsuki, you’re gonna be okay. Don’t move, help is here.” You said, hand brushing against his face.

“I-” He said, his voice hushed. “Sunshine I-”

Sunshine. The nickname started out condescending, an insult almost but somewhere along the line it became endearing. A pet name almost.

“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t strain yourself, please.” You said, grabbing his hand squeezing it tight. “You’re going to be okay.”

Bakugou was put on a stretcher and rushed to an ambulance, you rode with them trying to stay calm as they helped him. You held back asking questions not wanting to interrupt.

Bakugou’s red eyes stayed focused on you as you held his hand while trying to stay out of the way.

“It’s going to be okay, you have to be okay. You’re my best friend.” You said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Katsuki I-”

Bakugou’s eyes slipped closed and it was hard not to tear up in fear. You wanted to tell him how you felt but you hesitated and now he couldn't hear you. Your heart raced in your chest. He would be fine, he always was. He was a fighter and he always pulled through.

Waiting was the worst thing anyone could sit through is the conclusion you came to. Sitting in the hospital’s waiting room staring at the patterned tile you were suffering. The thought of Bakugou in an operating room opened up hurt you to your core. The urge to sob was strong but you refused to. Bakugou would be okay and he would tease you endlessly if he found out that you cried over him.

Bakugou would be fine. You knew he would. He had to be.

Mr. and Mrs. Bakugou showed up, looking more scared than you had ever seen them before. You were familiar with his parents, they had invited you over many times for dinner and they always got along with you.

“What did they say?” Bakugou’s mother asked as she approached you, she grabbed your arms frantically.

“He’s in surgery, they aren’t saying much.” You told her. She let out a sigh sitting down next to you.

Time went by slowly as the three of you waited impatiently. Finally, the doctor appeared.

“Bakugou family?” He asked.

“Yes, that’s us.” Ms. Bakugou stood up along with you and her husband.

“The surgery went well, we were able to fix the trauma and bleeding in his brain. He’s patched up but there was swelling during the surgery.” The doctor said solemnly, his hands held together.

“What does that mean?” Mr. Bakugou questioned.

“The likelihood of him waking up is very low.” He said.

It felt like everything around you was falling apart.

“What do you mean he won’t wake up?” Mrs. Bakugou shouted. “If you fixed everything, what’s wrong with him?”

The doctor began to explain it but everything around you went fuzzy. You couldn’t hear anything, you felt sick. Before you could do anything else you ran outside of the hospital making it to a tree before throwing up.

Bakugou wouldn’t wake up. He was alive but he wasn’t going to wake up. The next year of your life was so clear in your mind, graduating, working beside Bakugou, climbing the ranks, becoming amazing heroes. Together. It was all gone, how were you supposed to go on without him? You couldn't picture your life without him.

You stood in front of his hospital room door still. If you stepped through that door you knew that it was over. The image of Bakugou standing strong next to you ready to face the world would be gone. The reality of what happened would set in and you could never go back.

It was easy to picture him, picture those moments with him. The first time you met him, you were both so young. He was so feisty and unwilling to befriend anyone. The memory of him yelling at everyone around you.

You could remember the day you had gotten through to him, had a heart to heart. His red eyes looked so soft for the first time and you knew that you would do anything to keep his trust in you so he would always feel safe enough to open up to you.

The memory of him in his dorm, scared and breathing quick after a nightmare. You had crawled into bed with him and held him. He protested at first but quickly realized you were more stubborn than him this time. Then he realized how nice it felt to be held by someone who cared about you, who wanted you to feel better. How safe he felt in your arms. The softness of his blond locks was unforgettable.

This morning was so clear, Bakugou in his hero costume laughing at a dumb joke you made. You would never see him stand tall again. You took a deep breath.

Softly you opened the door revealing the hospital bed. The sound of beeps filled the room. Walking up to the bed you took in a shaky breath.

Bakugou laid in the bed hooked up to wires. The side of his hair was shaved, where the surgery was. He was still, the steady rise and fall of his chest was the only sign of life. He looked so peaceful.

You sat in the chair beside the bed, head in your hands, a broken sob coming out of you.

“You have to wake up.” You said looking up at him, taking his hand in yours. “I know you can pull through this, I can’t do this alone. What kind of hero would I be without you?”

There was no reply to your cries.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I let this happen." You cried. "I'm sorry we didn't get what you wanted for lunch. If I could go back, if I could do everything different I would. I wish it was me."

Tears streamed down your face as sobs wracked your body.

"You're my best friend, you're my everything." You cried.

Everything felt empty. Time passed, life moved on. Your friends, your fellow students tried to console you while they grappled with the fact that Bakugou wasn’t around anymore. Your teachers looked at you with sad eyes, knowing that these things came with hero work but you were far too young to be dealing with it.

Graduating, something you had looked forward to for so long tasted like ash in your mouth. Standing there with your classmates taking pictures, everything was numb. All you could see was Bakugou laying in that hospital bed unmoving.

Life moved on but you felt like you stood still. You started working at the agency and you worked hard doing your best. The only thing you could do was be the best hero you could be to prevent people from getting hurt like Bakugou did. Even as you progressed and life moved on you felt like time was frozen.

After every shift you visited him, you would bring your dinner with you and eat in his room. You would tell him about your day. On good days you could convince yourself he could hear you.

Time moved on and less people visited. Your fellow students got busy with their hero careers. His parents visited on the weekends, Aizawa would visit once a month. Sometimes you ran into him. The two of you would sit there in silence.

“Do you visit him a lot?” Aizawa asked.

“Everyday.” You answered. “Almost every single day.”

“Why?” He asked, his gaze not moving from his former student.

“He’s my best friend. I can’t stand the thought of him sitting here alone.” You answered, a tear dripping down your cheek. “If he was awake I know we would see each other every day, it feels wrong to not see him. Even if he is asleep, even if he doesn’t know I’m here. I can't go without him, even if he's just laying here.”

“I understand.” He said.

Aizawa didn’t explain but you knew deep down he understood how you felt.

It took time, you had a lot of time to think when you weren't talking out loud to Bakugou's unconscious body. It took time but you finally realized something.

You loved Bakugou Katsuki.

Not just the way someone loves their friend, no something deeper than that. Why else would someone spend every day with their unconscious friend? Even as years passed.

Looking back it all made sense, how validating it felt to tell Bakugou about the highs and lows of your life. How much you focused on the small touches between you and him. How the thought of not spending the rest of your life with him tore you apart.

How had it taken you so long to realize?

Everything about him made you feel alive. His shining qualities, his flaws, his quirks, everything about him made you happy. You loved him so deeply, how had you never known?

You loved Bakugou Katsuki and it was too late to do anything about it.

Years passed. Your career progressed, you climbed the hero charts and you became the hero you and Bakugou always aimed to be. Even if you had made it to the thing you wanted more than anything else in life it felt empty.

All you wanted was your best friend there with you. You wanted to tell him how you felt. Not just his unconscious body. You felt like a ghost, all of your friends lived their lives but you couldn’t enjoy it. You didn’t go out with them, you spent all your time with Bakugou at his bedside.

Every day you hoped, prayed he would wake up.

Time was an odd thing, getting old felt wrong. You looked older and so did Bakugou even if he laid there unmoving all this time. His hair was longer than it had been but you kept up with it. The nurses let you trim his hair, shave his facial hair when you had the time. It made you feel a little less helpless.

It had been a long day, a bad day. People died, people, you should have saved. You should have been fast enough, you should have been a better hero.

Sitting next to Bakugou you told him about your day.

“I moved, I reached to grab them but I wasn’t fast enough.” You said. “They died because I wasn’t fast enough.”

The tears streamed down your face. You reached forward grabbing his hand.

“You're here in this bed because I wasn’t fast enough, I was a bad partner I should have saved you. I should have taken the hit for you. I wish it was me in this bed, I wish I was dead.” You sobbed, breaths heavy it felt like you were suffocating. You were drowning, you had been since that day.

The sounds of your sobs were loud, your hand limply grasping at his. Your breathing stopped at the movement under your hand.

“Katsuki?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you looked up at him. His eyes fluttered under his eyelids.

part two

taglist: @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis-but-more-otaku @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bkghatesyou @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @ourladyofseijoh @x0doodlebug0x @katsushimaa @mooncademia @moon-write @todominica @why-so-red @kvichisaki @curiouslilbeast @izukukozume @susceptible-but-siriusexual @swankiifiied

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha #bakugou katsuki

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antihero-writings · 3 years

Text

Before it Kills You Too (Ch2 Snippets 1, 2 & 3)

Fandom: Lore Olympus

Chapter Summary: When Hera gets into a car accident after a fight, Zeus has a moment to ruminate on their relationship. Written using the song “Wait” by Maroon 5 as a prompt.

Character Focus: Zeus

Please note!! This is the previous Ch2 snippets I posted + a new snippet (the new snippet starts with “I would venture to guess she was driving too fast.”)

I’ve been having trouble with this chapter for a very long time, so I’ve decided to post it snippet-by-snippet, because that seems like the only way I’ll successfully finish this fic.

While this should be as close to the final version as it can be, anything in this snippet is subject to change when the full chapter comes out. (And, hey, to that end, if there’s anything you think needs to be edited here, please kindly let me know!!)

Im really excited about this snippet!! Definitely one of my favorite parts of the chapter!!

Thanks again SO much to those who support this fic and want to read more!! The fact that you want to read more really does mean the world to me!! I appreciate your kind comments so much!!

I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a comment and/or reblog!!! I’m not kidding when I say that makes my week!!

Tagging some folks who’ve shown interest!! @jayyy007 @autumnmoon21 @sunsetsofanemoia, @lynnie51 @what-the-fuckaroni @masquejj

And please do let me know if you’d like me to add you to a taglist for this fic, or message you when new snippets/the next chapter come/s out!!

Chapter 2 Snippets 1, 2 & 3:

Hera was standing in the crowded meadow, surrounded by her friends, laughing that girly little giggle full of sunshine that just about made Zeus’ heart ooze in a puddle out of his chest.

Her blue dress made her eyes look like two shimmering sapphires.

“Have I seen her in a dress that color?” Zeus inquired excitedly from behind the bushes.

“How can we know what you’ve seen?” Aidoneus muttered. “With you creeping around, you might have seen her naked for all we know.”

Zeus punched him in the arm, (lightly).

“I don’t think she’s worn a dress that color!” Posiedon bubbled.

“Thank you, Posiedon. At least someone can answer a question.”

“I think she looks like the sea on summer day.” He put his hands on his face, them sliding slowly.

Zeus eyed him. “Alright, keep it in your toga, Little Green Man.”

“Should we really be here?” Aidoneus muttered. “We weren’t invited.”

“Oh come on,” Zeus stood up, putting his hands on his hips. “Who wouldn’t want to see the King of the gods here?”

Poseidon grinned and stood up behind his brother. “No one!”

“Hestia, Demeter… assorted sane people.” Hades muttered as he stood to follow.

“If that’s sanity I’m glad I’m insane.” Zeus trilled as he strutted up to the entrance.

A cute pink nymph—(rather well endowed in the chestal region—not that he noticed!)—greeted them at the archway.

“Oh! Zeus!” She flushed and bowed. “It’s an honor. Welcome!”

“Why it’s an honor to meet you, my lady.” He kissed her hand, and she giggled. “See?” he turned to his brothers. “They’re delighted to have us.”

“I’ve got a bad feeling.” Hades muttered.

Hera was closer now; she smelled like summer, and she looked like it too. Poseidon was right about the ocean thing; she practically shimmered as she spoke with her friends.

“I’m gonna go talk to her.”

“Wait—!” Hades was soon swallowed by the crowd.

Zeus scooched behind her at lightning speed. One by one her friends began to take notice, their eyes widening.

Hera took a step back and would have tripped in surprise if he hadn’t caught her.

“Careful there, you might fall, Birthday Girl.”

“Oh, Zeus!” She looked up at him, the back of her head hitting his chest, “hi!”

That golden smile.

“I made you something!” As she spun to face him, he produced a little carving of a bird from his pocket. (And, no, he didn’t make it).

“Oh!” She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, gently taking it from him, “It’s beautiful!”

All his responsibilities and stresses melted away with the sight of that smile, and he forgot there was anyone else at the party…in the world.

(…He wished he saw that smile anymore.)

Zeus’ chair was spinning empty at his desk before his assistant could say another word—

And Olympus wept, distant peals of thunder rending the sky into pieces.

Lightning crackled and cackled through his hair, creating violet tracks through the air, as Zeus sped through the sky.

It was freezing, and people were staring, but he didn’t care.

All that mattered was getting to his wife.

“My you look stunning.” Zeus sidled up behind his wife, running his fingers gently along her arm. “Is that a new dress?”

“New as that girlfriend of yours.” Hera grunted.

His eyes widened with shock, his voice with an indignant undertone to it. “Is something wrong?”

She paused a moment. He could see words fluttering behind her lips—(like they did so often, too often)—the words Yes you did something wrong, how can you not know?

He knew she wouldn’t believe him when he said he didn’t mean to hurt her.

“You weren’t invited,” she said softly.

“Not invited? Me?” He put his hand to his chest, like the thought of him ever not being welcome to somewhere was absurd. “To what?”

“The party, you nitwit!” She whirled around, her hair nearly whipping him in the face. “You just came barging in like you owned the place!”

“Well…to be fair—”

He stopped short at the look in her eyes, like two blue-hot flames.

He knew it was taking her a great amount of effort not to slap him.

“Do you know how long I’d been preparing for that?! How long it took me to get everything just right? I told you, but you never even listened, did you? And then you just barged right in!”

“Why are you so upset? What’s so important about a party?!”

“They were my friends.” Her gaze softened, and her tone became more serious. “They were—” Until she cut herself off, and her expression hardened as she whirled around, her hair billowing behind her.

“Bunny, wait!” His tone was softer too.

He wished she’d just turn around. That he could say sorry.

Was it really so hard? He should have started there.

Had he ever apologized for that?

He was always doing that; barging in where he wasn’t welcome. The world was his, yes but…he had to concede there were some parts of it he ought not just barge in on.

When he burst into the hospital, however, they wouldn’t dare tell him he wasn’t invited, wouldn’t dare tell him he couldn’t see her.

“Where. is my. wife?” Lightning slammed into a lamppost just outside the front door, shattering its glass box, and making the light spark, the rain pounding at the window like rabid dogs.

The desk clerk looked like she was about to pee out of sheer fear.

“Sh-sh-she’s not out of surgery yet, your majesty...I understand you want to see her, but I can’t let you…until-until they’re finished.” She was practically vibrating. “I assure you the moment she gets out, we’ll notify you.”

Surgery? He wanted to demand. She’s the queen of the gods, how could she be in surgery?

Electricity sparked in his eyes, trailing throughout his hair. He could say I demand you let me see her. He could say I don’t care! She’s my wife, and I’m not waiting! She’s fine! She’s the queen—she’s my queen—she won’t be hurt from a little car accident!

But there were some places he ought not just barge in on… and the surgeons room was probably one of them.

The lightning let out a sighing crackle, before he closed his eyes, his hair falling back upon his shoulders. It was then that he noticed he was dripping wet from head to toe. He sighed himself before muttering something like a garbled “I understand, thank you.” And turning to sit in the lobby. Behind him the desk clerk’s coworker held her to keep her from fainting.

He snapped his fingers, drying off, so as not to get their nice, barf-colored carpet all wet. Once he sat down in a chair—(the cushions didn’t have any cush to them)—a kid in the chair across from him scooched away.

He could have that kid lightly charred if he wanted.

Instead he settled for a nice glare, and reached over to pick up last month’s—(or maybe it was a few months ago)—issue of “Goddess weekly” listening to the rain die down to a drum.

The same old gossip. Usually if he picked one of these up he’d check for any news he ought to be aware of. You know, as the king. Not to mention the ladies weren’t unappealing. Now he flicked through without seeing any of it.

Speaking of ladies, there was a nymph sitting across the room from him, her skin blue, her ears down, and a cute little half smile. She surely wasn’t in here for anything serious. She kept glancing from her own magazine to him—but not in a nervous way. If he wasn’t mistaken, she wouldn’t be opposed to a session of hide-the-German-sausage.

If he wanted he could take her there in a darkened closet in the hallway. It wouldn’t take long—(if it didn’t need to…or it could take all night). That would be a nice way to relieve the stress bubbling in his body.

—Someone was laying next to him, her skin smooth, practically glowing. There was rather a lot of it exposed.

She turned over, her eyes fluttering open, a small smile creasing her features as she rolled onto his chest, tickling his chin with her fingers.

“I had a wonderful time,” she twittered, and he practically purred, staring into those big blue eyes, glittering like river stones.

He pushed her green hair behind her ear.

“Is that all? I’d like to think a night with the King of the gods would be more than merely ‘wonderful.’”

She giggled. “No no, it was much more than wonderful! It was spectacular! Mind-blowing!” She threw her arms in the air.

“That’s more like it.” He grinned—

When was that again? Two years ago, or two days ago?

It could have been either.

Had he apologized for that?

Would it have mattered if he had? Would she have forgiven him? Would he have stopped?—

Bile rose in his throat, and he dove his nose so hard into the magazine he almost smacked himself with it.

His wife was bruised and bleeding, and potentially worse in a nearby room, at the mercy of some quack holding a scalpel and a few comforting words…and here he was thinking of betraying her for the…

How many times had it been now?

He threw the magazine back on the table and sank in the chair till his head was nearly on the bottom cushion, his lip flapping his he blew out a breath, making his hair fly up a little.

The kid and his mom got called, and seemed glad of a reason to leave.

After a healthy dose of moping he pulled out his phone. After checking fatesbook and playing a few games he decided it was time to open his messages.

He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted some sensible and non-conjugal company.

He scrolled through and clicked on a name.

A number of old conversations sprinkled the page, often detailing Zeus asking about getting together and the correspondent saying they were busy.

He thought a moment about what to say—(a rare occurrence for him)—before deciding any vague requests would probably get ignored, so he simply decided the boldfaced truth:

Hera’s been in a car accident. She’s in surgery.

“WHAT?!” The word was spoken aloud—and very loudly at that.

Hades was standing in front of him. If the king being here wasn’t enough reason for weird looks, this outburst had sent more than a few eyes their way.

Zeus did a finger wave at the nymph, before he grabbed his brother’s arm, whisking him off to a less crowded hallway.

The only thing here was a vending machine, and a few overly picturesque pictures of trees.

“How did this happen?!” Hades shout-whispered.

“I would venture to guess she was driving too fast.”

“I could have gathered that myself, thank you very much!” Hades was clearly trying not to shout. “What was she doing?! Where was she going?!”

Zeus rolled folded his arms. “Does it matter?”

“Sure it matters! Well at least it’d be good to know!”

“…I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?! What do you mean you don’t know?! She’s your wife—!”

“I said I don’t know!” he kicked the vending machine.

The air shattered and reformed itself.

Zeus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, his voice softening. “I…I don’t know.”

Two sides of him warred. One wanted to shout at Hades. He expected him to know where she was at all times? Oh yeah, that would go over well with her. What kind of helicopter husband would he be then?

And yet, it felt wrong for him not to know. Like some sort of failure. She was his wife. Shouldn’t he? Shouldn’t he have asked? Shouldn’t he care?

Hades’ gaze softened.

“I upset her.” Zeus murmured. “We got into a fight.”

Hades leaned against the wall. He was probably resisting the urge to say he could have gathered that too.

Zeus leaned his head forward onto the glass of the vending machine, his hair falling to the side, his reflection vaguely eyeing him.

“We got into a fight and she…I hadn’t even realized she went for a drive.” He paused, observing the chocolate and chips sitting in neat rows in the machine. “Do you think she liked Twyx?”

“Huh?”

“Do you think she liked Twyx?”

Hades pondered it a moment. “Probably. She tends to like things with caramel in them.”

Zeus smiled wryly. “See? I didn’t even know that.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to ask her all your burning questions about her favorite candy flavors very soon.”

“That’s not the point.” Zeus whispered.

Zeus was feeling a little off-kilter.

He nearly fell into a three-thousand drachma vase.

Okay, make that a lot.

The sound of heels on the staircase. The white one they’d painted for that one event…what had they been celebrating again?

His hazy gaze made her glitter even more than usual.

“Have I ever told you that you’re like the sea on a summer’s day?” Zeus’ voice came out blurry. He put his hand in his hair, trying to look sexy, you know, like the kind of guy you’d wanna forgive.

This was met by her hair slapping him in the face as she walked by him. She paused a few steps below him, turning.

“Is that alcohol I smell on your breath?”

“I may have had one—“ He hiccuped, “or five, appletinis.”

“And this is what? An intelligent conversation you’re trying to have?” She folded her arms over her chest.

“Actually,” he held up a finger. The action made him feel off-balance so he leaned against the railing, trying to land in a sexy pose. “There is something I wanted to say.”

“You’re barely coherent when you’re sober, at least spare me until then.”

He rolled his eyes—(and made himself feel even dizzier).

She turned to go back up the stairs.

“Wait!” He shouted.

She stopped, looked over her shoulder, eyes narrow as a cat’s. “What?”

“I-hic!” He covered his mouth as if embarrassed. Clearly emotion was dangerous. “I wasn’t trying to get wasted! I just-hic!-needed more than three or four to say this.”

“Oh yeah? Spit it out Grape Sorbet.” She folded her arms over her chest.

“I’m…” he held on to the railing for support. “I’m sorry.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I’m listening.”

“You…You were right.” He took a step closer.

“About what?” Her breath bated.

“I just…I didn’t want to admit it. I couldn’t…” He looked away. “I couldn’t tell you sober.”

“About what?” The words had a rough edge to them, her chest heaving with breath.

Ah. She knew. She knew what he was going to say, even before he said it.

“I…I did cheat on you.”

“Wh-What?” Her eyes tinted red…but there was so much hurt in the word.

Fear and shame rose in tandem like ocean waves, threatening to bowl him over, and he realized that the truth wasn’t going to help at all. But all he could do was let it pour out of him.

“You-hic-You asked if I was with-hic—”

“Stop.” She covered her mouth as if to keep the worst words from spilling out, tears welling in her eyes.

“But I—”

“I said stop!” Her voice rang through the room like something shattering.

Maybe something was.

Her heels against the stairs, fast and sharp, and away.

“Wait!”

Turn around please, let me apologize, let me explain, I won’t do it again.

He threw up in the vase.

“Daddy? What was that all about?” The small voice made his blood run cold. “What did you cheat at? Were you playing a game?”

Zeus turned, horrified, to see Ares, hiding behind a crack in the door.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at her.” He breathed. “It was stupid, really.”

Hades put a dollar in the vending machine and punched in a number.

“People say all kinds of things when they’re angry. Doesn’t mean you’re bad, just means you’re people. Which…” Hades looked him up and down, adding under his breath, “I wonder about sometimes.”

“...You must think I’m a terrible husband.”

Hades grabbed two chocolate bars and handed one to his brother.

“I think you need something sweet, maybe a little hydration, and some rest.”

Zeus unwrapped the bar and took a bite, not really tasting anything.

After a moment Hades sighed.

“It’s not so simple as that.” Hades said between bites, “I don’t necessarily think there’s such a thing as a ‘terrible husband’ or ‘the best husband.’ I…I don’t even think there’s such a thing as good and bad people. There’s just…people. There’s just husbands. But there are rules that come with being a person, and/or being a husband and…” he paused, trying to choose his words carefully, “you don’t always follow those rules.”

Zeus fell back against the wall, looking at the floor, denials dying in his throat.

It was raining.

No, actually it was pouring. And thundering. The lightning was like cracks in a collapsing sky, and Zeus’s gut was twisting like the snakes on the head of a gorgon.

“What? You-you think you can just undo this?!” Hera’s words were biting. “It’s done!” Her laugh was wry and sardonic, like an ache in her throat, red tainting the blue of her eyes. “You can’t just fix something like that! Once someone cheats at the game no one else just keeps playing!”

“It was a mistake! One stupid night!”

“One stupid night, huh?! Then how do you explain this?!” She held up his phone. The pictures. The…Oh Gaia.

The snakes in his gut bit down, and he bit his lip looking away. He hadn’t known she knew about that.

“You’ve got it all wrong! That was just—!”

“I thought you were different!” She bit off his excuse, the anger cracked, and the pain was bleeding through, and he wasn’t the only one making it rain: A tear fell down her face, then another, her mascara running black along her cheeks. “You made me smile, you made me laugh! You saved your brothers from your father. And I thought we could make a kingdom—a world—together!” She shook her head, grimacing, trying and failing to keep more tears from falling. “I thought we could be something!”

“We are! We have! I just made a mistake! I—!”

“No, Zeus.” There was a finality to her tone.

Tears streamed down her face now. He hated it when she cried. She didn’t do it often, and whenever she did he was ready to smite whoever hurt her but…he’d hurt her worst of all.

“I thought you were different. But you’re—“ the words were like an antique vase, riddled with cracks. “You’re just another bad guy.” She punched him in the arm, and the vase broke, the defiance into pain. She punched him in the arm…but it was weak and far too soft, and that’s how he knew she was really hurt; she could bring the sky down on him if she wanted.

She looked down at her hand, twisting her wedding ring with a finger.

“I’m staying with a friend tonight.”

Her wedding ring tinkled on the floor.

As she turned and walked away the word rang out like he was hoping his voice alone could rewrite his sins and bring her back:

“Wait!”

She didn’t stop, didn’t turn, didn’t make any indication she’d even heard him.

“Please…Please just wait.” These were soft.

He fell to his knees on the marble, scooping up her wedding ring and enclosing it in his fingers, holding it to his forehead, and trying not to bring the sky down upon himself.

He’d seen her angry. He’d seen her sad. But this? Seeing her break for him…was so much worse.

It reminded him too much of another time. Of a scar on her stomach. How she broke herself just to be his.

—(And he wondered, for a fleeting moment, if it would have been better if he had been the one to break.)—

“There you are!” Said a voice. “You can come see her now,”—a cleared throat— “your Majesty.”

Notes: Aright, so this chapter had a few things I was unsure about I thought I’d ask about here!

1. Does anyone have any other clever play-on-words for candy brands? I feel like Zeus would know that she likes caramel in general, so it’d make more sense if Hades said “she likes [X similar candy] so she’d probably like Twyx.” But Twyx is all my brain came up with and I don’t even know that it’s all that good XD

2. I’m aware that the gods don’t call each other “people” they call each other “beings.” However, Hades’ lines don’t have as much impact with “beings.” Did the fact that I used “people” stick out too much? Should I change it to “beings”?

3. I know Ancient Greek wedding ceremonies are different from ours, and they might not even have wedding rings. But that image was so impactful for me I decided to use it. Should I remove it? Or did you find it impactful?

Please let me know if there’s anything you felt was inaccurate to their characters!!

Thanks so much for reading!! 💕💕

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barnesbabee · 3 years

Text

𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓵

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 21

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU || no gender specified for the reader

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist @hwahomie @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin @yeosangmystar @skmoonchild @lovelymultiwrites @sunwooyoung

Panic settled in the room as Seonghwa's words echoed in your heads. Yunho was dead, Mingi disappeared, San wasn't waking up and the body was gone.

And meanwhile, you were getting railed in Seonghwa's office. You felt sick to your stomach, not knowing what to do, or where to even start.

"Someone say something!" Jongho yelled, at the top of his lungs, finally breaking his calm character.

The silence in the room was heavy and you suddenly felt as if you couldn't breathe, as if someone was gripping your throat from the inside. As if on cue, San groaned and his eyes fluttered open.

"What the fuck?..." He groaned, as he sat up straight with the help of one hand.

San rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, hissing as he moved it up and down slowly.

You and Seonghwa ran towards him and knelt beside the man.

"San what happened!?"

San sat against the sofa, feeling too sick and too dizzy to sit up straight on his own. He took a couple of breathsm trying to recollect what happened before he blacked out.

"There really isn't much to say, right after Y/N left Mingi asked me to get him something from the kitchen and when I came back someone, I'm assuming Mingi, hit me with something in the back of the head. Next thing I know I'm waking up next to Jongho."

Seonghwa stood up, visibly stressed and irritated.

"Y/N I- I can't take this anymore. I'm tired, I'm stressed out, I wake up, go to sleep and go through the day stressed but I try to keep calm and be reasobale but I just can't anymore! I need to rest, I need time!" Jongho said.

His voice was shaky, his face was red and his eyes were desperate and tired. He had huge bags under his eyes, and he looked as if he wanted to cry, but was too tired to do so.

"I... I know. I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too, but the body is gone, and you know that if the body is found we'll all be questioned by the police and if he turns himself in he will also be questioned by the police and we both know that in either case they will be asking questions. The body is decomposing! They'll start asking why he didn't come right away, what happened between the murder and the confession, and it doesn't take much for Mingi to break! If he goes down he'll bring us with him!"

Your voice was unstable from crying, and you, just like every other person in the group, regretted helping Mingi. You should have stayed mad at him. You shouldn't have babied him and helped him cover up a murder. But it was too late, friendship and compassion won over you as if you were in a kid's cartoon where the power of friendship could overcome anything. But it didn't.

"Each of you get in one of my cars. We're splitting up and looking for him. Keys are in the ignition, let's go. The sooner we find him, the sooner it will all be over."

Seonghwa turned his back and started walking towards the garage, giving them no time to oppose themselves to the plan, or to complain at all.

Four motors roared in the garage as each of them left in their respective car to look around. He couldn't have gone very far, it had only been a couple hours and Mingi had no car and no money for a cab.

It was becoming increasingly hard for San to throw off Wooyoung. They had been spending a lot of time together and these past few days he had barely talked to the younger boy, making the latter suspicious that either San had gotten tired of him, or that he had found someone else. Either way Wooyoung was panicking and constantly blowing up San's phone, which was just the cherry on top. After the 10th ding sounded from his phone, San pulled over for a second and called Wooyoung.

"Heeey Woo." He said, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"San what's happening? Please tell me if you're getting tired of me... Don't give me any hopes, because I really like you."

"What? No Wooyoung, I like you, like... a lot. Really. But I've just been busy with consoling Y/N, and there was a bunch of issues in some paperwork from my part-time job so I had to work on that as well, it's just been a very tiring couple of days, I'm sorry... Can I get back to you once I'm done? I need a little rest."

As far as Wooyoung knew you were still upset at Mingi.

"Alright fine, but I expect a nice homemade dinner once you're free."

"Of course baby."

San hung up with a sigh, relieved that he bought his excuses, and started the engine once more, resuming his search.

San was driving around the town, searching places with fewer people and hidden spots where rarely anybody went to. He ended up in a couple bad neighborhoods, which in retrospect it wasn't very smart since he was riding a Rolls Royce, but they hadn't been making good choices the past few days. Seonghwa headed back to the cabin where they had found the body, you searched every bridge and police station and Jongho went to his apartment.

It was minute 12 of driving around when you received a call. It was a group call with everyone involved.

"The body is back in the cabin. It's covered with all the leaves and shit we put here."

"Don't touch it, get out of there for now. I'm still trying to get to his house, anyone got anything?"

Jongho's question was met with a bunch of no's.

"Well I'm almost at his house and I can see- oh my God. I found him. I found him he's standing on a balcony and I think he's gonna jump everyone get here!"

Jongho hung up and you told Seonghwa the address. Thankfully you were close by and got there in no time. Jongho sprinted up the stairs and by the time you and San got to the house he was trying to talk Mingi out of it. Mingi was standing on the edge of his balcony, on the other side of the railing, but still holding onto it. Jongho was crying and begging Mingi to come to his senses and to come back inside, as he gripped his arm.

"It's no use Jongho, just let me go! This is not up to you!"

You and San got up to the balcony as well, trying to talk Mingi out of it.

"Mingi please! We'll get through this I'm begging you, we can't lose you too!" You yelled.

You wanted to stay composed but you couldn't help the tears streaming down your face. Even Jongho, who was usually very uncomfortable displaying his emotions, was crying and begging.

When Seonghwa got to the scene, he was terrified. He didn't know what to do, which was a common thing throughout the past few days, and it was killing him.

Everyone was pulling on Mingi's left side, trying to pull him up along with Jongho, so, without anyone noticing, he jumped outside the railing, and slowly walked towards Mingi without him noticing either.

Once he was close enough, he grabbed the man and pulled him up and over the railing, while holding himself stable with one hand on said railing.

However, Mingi's selfishness was bigger, and in the end, he showed that no matter what other people did for him, he was going to put himself first.

Mingi was mad, he thought his friends were being selfish and had no say in the matter, so while being saved, while going over the railing back into his house, he kicked it away with all the strength in his body, making him fall back.

Seonghwa, who was holding onto Mingi, failed to grip the railing harder and fell with Mingi, looking into your sad, panic-filled eyes as he fell to his death.

You bent over and watched the man you loved fall, in what felt like slow motion. His body hit the ground, and with an ugly cracking noise, Seonghwa's head split open.

You sprinted down the stairs, and once you got down to the ground people were circling the two men, taking pictures and gasping at the scene. You shoved away everybody in front of you so you could reach Seonghwa. His face was nearly intact, but the pool of blood surrounding his cracked skull told you there was no way he'd survive. His chest moved up and down quickly, for a couple of seconds, indicating the intense pain he was in.

"Seonghwa I'm sorry- I-I'm so sorry! Please... I love you..."

Just as the last three words left your mouth, you could see his lips twitch, before his chest stopped moving, before his eyes lost all of their color, before his body went limp in your hands. You stayed there, holding the face of the deceased man you once loved, your clothes soaking his blood and you cried out for forgiveness.

You didn't dare look at Mingi, but you sure hoped he was dead.

But he wasn't. And in the end. When the ambulance and the police came, they took Seonghwa to the morgue and Mingi to the hospital. Mingi ended up surviving after intense surgery, but not for long, because you would end up killing him.

"You don't get to live!" You told Mingi, as you stabbed gagged him and stabbed him over, and over, and over.

He died in a slow, agonizing way, just like you wanted him to. After all he put you, San, and Jongho through, after the sleepless nights, the constant stress, after staying the love of your life he still thought he'd get a second chance!?

You made sure he suffered, and you made sure he knew how much you hated him as you pierced your old, blunt, and rusty knife into his body.

San and Wooyoung ended up fleeing the country, and Jongho joined the military, both too afraid to face the reality and their past actions, seeking any refuge outside of their past lives. They did end up hearing about Mingi's death, and neither of them seemed to care. After everything, they just gave up on him completely.

You were arrested for Mingi's murder, but after confessing everything, and giving a couple touch-ups where you removed Seonghwa, Jongho, and San from the story, and after leading them to Yunho's body, the lawyer from your case pleaded not guilty, and blamed your acts on the heavy toll the incidents of helping your best friend, and the death of your lover, had taken on you, and the judge agreed that you should be under house arrest, with a government assigned professional that would assist you, take care of you, and report back to court.

Was that the end? Was that all there was to your life? That seemed to be the case... Sooner or later you'd end up joining Seonghwa however, you knew that much, you just hoped he was somewhere waiting for you.

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kaz11283 · 3 years

Note

I really like the prompt list you reblogged it’s got some good stuff. What about 37. “Because I love you god damn it!” with Loki if you are still needing inspiration.

37) Because I Love You God Damn It!

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The Secret Is Out

Characters: the Avengers Bunch, Loki, Thor, Clint

Warnings: Dirty words, slight angst

Summary: after putting your life in the line for a teammate you accidentally let a big secret slip.

Announcements: I will always need insperation and requests! They feed my soul! Haha. I'm not gonna lie. Im skipping back and forth on my requests though. I have a really good story line for one but its just so emotional(thats were Im hoping it goes at least) that I didnt want to write it tonight and put my self in a mood. So instead I guess im goimg with a form of anger? Meh. Anyways... I absolutly love love love everything from you guys! The reblogs, likes, and comments are amazing and I am very greatful for all the love I am getting!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

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The fight had been rough but not as rough as you were feeling in the moment. You had gotten serverly hurt and had been in the medbay for about a week now and you had a longer road ahead. There had been an explosion and instead of turning to run away you had ran toward one of your team members that had been to distracted to realize what was going on, you had successfully gotten him shoved out of the way but you had taken the brunt of the blast.

Now you were laying here staring at the celing trying to stay distracted as Bruce and Tony looked at your completely shaddered knee and the burns up your leg. Fingers crossed that they would have good news soon.

"Well as of right now kid your out of commission." Tony said helping you sit back up.

"Meaning?" You pulled one of the pillows down so that you could sit up without being uncomfortable.

"Meaning right now, the way it all looks, your gonna be stuck in the bed until it fully heals and after wards theres really no way to tell if your going to be able to work in the field again." Burce said looking at the xrays again. "And your gonna have to have surgery in order to put all the right pieces back in the right places, but we cant really do that until some of the burns heal or at least start to heal. Its gonna be a long drawn out process unfortunately." He sighed setting the charts back down and walking over to you.

"Fucking hell! You mean I'm gonna be pushing paper work? I might as well go work in a damn office with four white walls and a poster that says 'hang in there, its almost Friday'." You placed your head in your hands.

"Hey! At least our paper work is more exciting than just running numbers." Tony said placing a hand on your back. He had been like a fsther to you, taking you in when you didnt have anywhere else to turn except the streets. Your own family had abandoned you at a young age and you had been leaning toward a dark path until Tony. "Besides with your expertise you dont have to sit behind a desk, your fingers arent blown off, you can still hack into stuff I'm sure."

"Tony we had a deal when I moved in. No hacking but you would train me and I could actually do good. Now look at me."

"I said no hacking the good guys, and if I remember correctly you were the one jumping close to the bomb not away from. I hate to be this way y/n but the only one to blame is yourself on this one."

"He would have been worst off than I am if not killed. I think I did the right thing. Besides you would have done the same thing if you had been closer." You sighed.

"Honey the diffrence with that is I have a supersuit, you wear a skin tight, spandex one peice, that I'm not a fan of." He laughted. Bruce had went to go get you some more pain killers to shoot into your IV.

"Tony if I were you I would shut up. Your starting to sound like you might actually love me, might even say your starting to act like a dad." You laughed pulling him into a hug.

"Shut it kid, cant let the others know I have a soft spot for the hacker orphan kid i took in all those years ago now can I." He said kissing the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before the drugs kick in and you pass out again?"

"Yes, can you please bring me my phone charger, laptop, and that really fluffy blanket that you and Pep got for me for Christmas."

"Dont ask to much of me now."

"I wouldnt be asking if you would just let me stay in my room. I hate it down here. I wanna be were the people are." You were starting to get loopy from whatever Bruce had given you.

"Ok little mermaid, get some rest I'll get your stuff." He laughed walking out the door letting you fall into a restless sleep.

You didnt know how long you hade been asleep but you woke up with a groan trying to sit up so you could atleast stretch your back from laying in one spot for to long. You flopped back down dramatically with a sigh. You could sense someine else in the room with you, you always knew when he was around.

"You dont have to hide in the shadows Loki. Your more than welcome to keep me company, you should know that by now." You smiled as the prince walked over and sat in the chair beside you. You could tell he hadnt been sleeping, his hair was fixed as always but his clothes looked worst for wear. He had on a plain black shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants, both of with had wrinkles in them either from tossing and turning or from not being changed in a few days.

"Whats wrong? And dont pull that 'nothing is wrong dear. I'm absolutly fine.' Bullshit. You look horrible." You reatched out to grab his hand. What you and Loki had was diffrent. You didnt just see his as a friend, he didnt just see you as that either though. You had spent many nights sitting up with the silver tounge man many nights laying on the couch watching movies, reading, talking about each of your pasts. He knew more about you than even Tony did.

"I'm still currently trying to wrap my head around why you pushed me out of the way and took the blow when you had a chance of dying from it. You shouldnt have been so thick headed my dear." He took your hand and raised it to his lips kissing the top of your hand.

"Loki." You sighed rolling your head to look back up at the celing. "You would have been hurt alot wordt than I am now, that blast could have killed you."

"I am a god y/n, that blast wouldnt have caused me nearly as much damage as it did you." His voice raised slightly.

"Thats what you think. You think that because you are "immortal" that you can take anything thats thrown at you. That no one really cares about you, that you wouldnt be missed? So why not try to take a blow from a bomb? My god your so stupid sometimes."

"I know I can. Norns y/n I've jumped into space, been brain washed, tried to take over New York, gotten smashed around by the Hulk. I was raised with Thor, he doesnt really go easy on a person. What I'm saying is I dont understand why you, a mear midguardian, would sacrifice themselves for me. If anything would have happened-"

"Nothing did happen though. I'm fine-"

"You have steel sticking from your leg, theres no telling when or even if you'll be able to walk again, and there are highly server burns that will leave scares. You cannot sit there and tell me that you are fine."

"Your right it does suck that I'm jot gonna be able to pull off shorts or a bikini anymore."

"This isnt a joke y/n. You almost died!" He finally yelled.

"And i would do it a thousand times over if that ment saving your damn ass again!" You shouted back.

"Why though?! Why me y/n? I've done horrible things, killed people! My life is meaningless." Tears had sprang to his eyes as he looked away.

"Because I love you God damn it!" You stopped suddenly your jaw dropping at the admission that you hadnt ment for him to hear. His head jerked back to you.

"What?" Shock was all over his face as he stood to walk closer to you. "What did you just say?"

"Because I love you Loki Odinson. Because if you were to die I dont think I would be able to go on living. Because even if you see all the bad things that you've done I can look pass that amd see all the good that you are doing." You reached up placing a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear.

"I love you too y/n. I have since the day I met you. The girl that didnt care what anyone said when she spent time with me. The girl that can see through every face i put on. I love you so much darling." He placed his hand on your face and leaning down gently kissing your lips.

It felt like you thought it always should you felt electricity run through your body and the two of you connected. It was like getting a breath after not being able to for so long. He pulled away smiling at you.

"What do we tell the others?" He asked laying on with bed with you being easy with your leg. He placed his arm around your middle and pulled you as close as he could.

"I honestly dont care what we tell them. They can figure it out themseves for all I care." You smiled lacing your fingers with his, you yawned placing your head on his shoulder closing your eyes.

"Sleep now my Dove, I will be here when you wake." He felt your gentle breath slow as you fell asleep, the rhythm you of your breath lulling him into his own sleep.

Tony and Bruce walked in the next morning stopping dead at the sight in front of them. You and Loki were still cuddled on the small bed sleeping peacefully.

"Should we wake them up?" Bruce asked looking at Tony.

"Na, let them sleep. Dont want to let them know that we know." Tony saod grabbing Bruce's arm and turning to walk back out of the door.

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