#and start a career in a very difficult industry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovebeinaprincessworld · 1 year

Text

Unusual Love (Cato Hadley x reader)

Masterlist

Part 2

Description: Your chances of winning the games were zero, but you would have thought the chances of falling in love with a Career would’ve been even lower.

Warnings: first time, p in v, oral (f receiving), fingering, cum, talk of death, no protection

8811 words

This was the material of all the nightmares you had as a child. Except this time you wouldn’t wake up, that you were sure of. You hadn’t been shocked when no one volunteered when your name was called at the reaping, you lived in District 8 after all, but you had still hoped in the back of your mind. You weren’t even going to make it through the first day in the arena, that much was certain, and thinking about how this would have been your second to last reaping before you would have been save, made you feel defeated already.

You were good at what you were doing in your district, you were relatively short and your small hands were perfect for embroidering. But the skills you learned in your textile industry heavy home, wouldn’t help you killing other people. Not that you thought you would be able to actually end somebody else’s life. Trying to find allies would probably prove difficult too, you were too shy and didn’t bring any helpful skills to the table anyway.

So now that you were on the train to the Capitol and saw the reaping in the other districts, you accepted your chances were zero. The boy from your district was a year younger than you, 16 and he was so arrogant. If you remembered correctly his name was Taron. He acted as if he was too good for all of this, eventhough you could see he was scared. But you did your best to steer clear of him, especially after one ‚accidental‘ grab of your butt earlier at the meeting with your mentors. You really didn’t need that right now.

Your mentors Woof and Cecelia seemed alright, maybe you could learn a few skills just so you could escape the brutal deaths at the cornucopia. You leaned back in your seat, watching the world fly by outside and you tried not to cry (again) as you thought of your younger brother and parents back at home.

———————

When the door to your bedroom on the eighth level of the building finally shut, you fell onto the bed with an exhausted huff. You felt like a plucked chicken, your skin almost uncomfortably clean and scrubbed. Your stylist seemed nice enough, she was a little too much of course - like everyone in the capitol - but she didn’t seem to be excited at the idea of sending you off to get murdered. You had about two hours before they would pick you up to get dressed and styled for the parade, and you intended to try and not think about all the ways you could die in a weeks time.

You had to admit, the costumes Aspasia designed for you were really fitting for your district. She picked the most eyecatching fabric and surprisingly made a very simple but stunningly flattering dress for you. It hugged your body in the all the right places and was dramatic, but the focus was still on the eyecatching fabric. Your hair was styled in a half up half down hairdo, flowing over your back in soft waves. You definitely felt like a princess, and you were grateful to Aspasia that she didn’t dress you as a glittering sewing needle or some stupid stuff.

Taron hovered close to you when you stood next to the chariot you were supposed to drive out there on. His presence always gave you the ick, he seemed to try and make the most of his last days and you were doing your best to avoid him whenever you could. Suddenly you felt an intense stare on the side of your face, and when you looked over to your right, you saw it was the tall blonde Career from District 2.

Your heart immediately started to speed up, his stare wasn’t necessarily predatory but in that moment you were sure he was thinking about how easy you were to kill. You did have to note that he was very handsome, but probably just as deadly - if not more - so you quickly broke the eyecontact and tried to reign in your blush.

You couldn’t have been further from the truth though, Cato wasn’t planning on how to kill you, he was just very good at not showing emotions. In reality he was stunned by how beautiful you looked, he had seen your reaping and thought you were cute but the dress you wore made you practically glow, his heart betraying his mind and beating harder in his chest when your eyes met. When you blushed he felt something stir inside of him, but he quickly shook it off. This was stupid, you were only some easy to kill tribute from a lower district - at least he tried to convince himself of that.

—————————

You were up early the next day, you were so nervous for the first day of training and especially scared to meet the other tributes for real. God, what if you embarrassed yourself, you were sure to be a number one target of they saw how useless you were. Woof and Cecelia advised you to concentrate on survival skills rather than fighting, finding water and food was more important than knowing how to use a knife - at least in your case.

You tried to blend into the background, and you were succeeding for the most part. There was only one pair of eyes you couldn’t seem to shake and it was the same as the evening before. Why was he staring at you so much? You were getting so flustered from his stare that you couldn’t concentrate on anything. You were currently hiding out at the fire station, and you were glad he seemed to be occupied by sword training, because his attention was making you feel things you shouldn’t - things you were sure were a figment of your imagination anyway.

You were failing at starting a fire pathetically and the instructor was helping a younger boy at the moment, but suddenly someone kneeled next to you. „You’re doing it wrong“, you winced and your head snapped up. It was the female tribute from district 12. „I know“, you sighed and finally gave up, putting down the stick. „Let me show you“, she was a little rough with her words but you were stunned that she even talked to you.

In minutes she had a fire going and you were slightly embarrassed because of your incompetence. „Come on, you try“, she urged you, pushing the utensils into your hands. It took a while longer than hers, but eventually you actually had a small fire. „I did it! Thank you“, you genuinely smiled at her, „Katniss right?“ She just nodded and got up, making her way to the station with the traps. Now that you weren’t distracted anymore, you could feel Catos eyes on you again.

But you were quickly distracted again, Taron moving into your personal space with a smirk. „Oh I see you did something there sweetheart“, he chuckled and patted your back encouragingly, making you cringe away slightly. „Don’t call me that“, you muttered and started to get up, but he grabbed your arm tightly. „Now, now I was only trying to be nice“, he tutted, god he was so condescending. You tried to shake him off again and to your relief he let you go with a roll of his eyes this time.

Cato had to gather all his self control to not rush over to the boy from your district and kill him already. He tried to entertain himself with the thought that he would be the first that would be killed by him. Definitely. The boy obviously made you uncomfortable and when he grabbed your arm, Cato couldn’t keep the frown off his face. Glimmer noticed. „What is it Cato?“, she followed his gaze and frowned too.

„That guy seems like such a slimy douchebag“, she seemed to think the same as him and now Clove noticed too. At least you managed to shake him off. „Yeah, I saw him trying to feel up the redhead from District 5“, she looked appalled and now Catos thoughts were only circling about what that boy tried to do when you were on your floor. He definitely needed to teach him a lesson somehow. He turned away from the scene with a grunt, picking up a sword and releasing his frustration on one of the dummies.

————————

You felt like you were suffocating, you just couldn’t fall asleep. You needed fresh air but the windows had no way of opening and the different views you could control with the remote did nothing for you. For the last hour you had been debating if you should risk taking the stairs you had seen the avox use earlier today and see if there’s a rooftop exit.

With a quiet sigh you threw back your cover, throwing on a sweater on top of your pajama and slipping on your shoes. You silently tiptoed across the floor towards the door, hoping that no one would be around to stop you. You opened the door carefully, not knowing what exactly was on the other side, but it was just an empty concrete staircase. You were looking over your shoulder a few times when you made your way upwards, nervously tugging the sleeves of your sweater down.

When you finally made it past door 12, you were greeted with a door that said ‚rooftop‘ and was already slightly ajar. You hestitated for a second, but what’s the worst that could happen? So you silently pushed the door open. There was a small windowless building on top, probably for ac-units, but otherwise it was empty. There was a railing and you were sure there were other protections against people jumping that were invisible.

You walked towards the small building, planning to sit behind it near the edge so you can lean against it. But when you rounded the corner you stopped abruptly. There already sat a figure, and now you were reprimanding yourself for not connecting the open door to someone being here. And when you looked closer you could see it was Cato, and he was already looking at you.

„S-sorry, I’ll just go“, you stumbled over your words, his intense gaze making you nervous once more. „Stay (Y/N)“, his voice was rough and he talked in such a demanding way that your body halted on its own. He knew your name? „Sit“, he instructed you and as if you had no will of your own (or maybe you actually wanted to be near him) you walked over to him slowly and sat down, keeping some distance between you.

You sat in tense silence and you stared out onto the skyline while you could feel his eyes roam over your face. „Couldn’t sleep either?“, he asked, his voice sending a shiver down your back. A good one. „No, I felt like I suffocated in there“, you sighed, your arms hugging your knees. „Me neither“, he chuckled and you finally gathered the courage to turn your head. His blue eyes were piercing yours, not in a threatening but in a curious way. You couldn’t fight the blush and caught his smirk before you looked forwards again.

„Why? Too much on your mind?“, you questioned, trying to fill the silence. He hummed affirmatively. „This is all really different from what I thought would happen“, he elborated, but you didn’t question him further, not wanting to pry. „Yeah“, you sighed, and you continued to sit in silence. But it wasn’t tense, it was kind of comforting.

„That boy, the one from your district“, Cato started, and he could see your face scrunch up a little. „Mhm what about him?“, you asked, turning your head and meeting his eyes once again and his stomach tingled pleasantly. „He’s bothering you“, he stated, it wasn’t a question, he knew that boy made you uncomfortable and it made his anger flare up again.

„Uhm yeah, kind of“, you were unsure why Cato would care about that, but he looked so good angry you could barely question it. „What did he do?“, his voice was a little strained, but he was good at masking his emotions, you had to give him that. „It‘s not that bad, he just seems to think he has to make the most out of his last days“, you shuddered when you thought about his grab on the train, thankfully he didn’t do that again.

„Did he touch you?“, he scooted closer to you, looking serious and you shrank back a little. „N-no…just one time, in the train he…“, you didn’t dare lie to him, you felt as though he could see right through you. „He what?“, his teeth were clenched and you answered him in a whisper: „He uhm grabbed my butt.“

Cato had to clench and unclench his fists to keep calm. He didn’t understand why he reacted that way to you being disrespected like that, but he couldn’t keep it suppressed anymore. He grumbled unhappily and leaned back against the wall behind him. His chest felt kind of restricted at the thought of another man touching you, and he was going crazy because of the inner war he was fighting. You and these new intense feelings on one side and his upbringing and what he thought he was supposed to do on the other.

——————

You didn’t feel his eyes on you as much the next day at training, but you still did from time to time. You were at the station were you could learn about poisonous plants when it happened. „Where the fuck is my knife 8? I left it right here!“, Cato barked at your male counterpart, making him visibly flinch. He tried to put on a brave facade though, squaring his shoulders. „I don’t have it“, Taron answered but the Career from District 2 just laughed and menacingly walked towards the much shorter other male.

„Fuck you, I know you’ve taken it!“, Cato growled at the now obviously terrified boy and grabbed his collar, and he could see the peacemakers started to walk towards them. He leaned in close and made the point he actually started all of this for. „If you ever touch (Y/N) again you’re dead, do you hear me?“, no one heard him but the boy in his grip and he nodded so hard he could have broken his neck with some bad luck.

You watched in shock as the two males were pulled apart, actually more like Cato was pulled off of Taron. Cato held his hands up in a peaceful manner and was let go with a warning, and when he turned and met your eyes, you swear he flashed a smile at you, making your heart pound and your face grow hot.

You turned back towards what you were doing before, but your concentration was gone. Your heart calmed down eventually, but you were realizing what this was developing into. You heard the adults in your district describe it and it felt just like that. You were starting to fall for the tall Carreer.

———————

You couldn’t resist the fresh air on the rooftop tonight - and maybe you were hoping to see Cato again. And you were lucky, he sat there in just the same spot. When he heard you walking towards him, he looked over and gave you a smile, a real genuine one for the first time. „Hey“, you smiled too, and he nodded as a greeting.

You sat down next to him, a little closer than yesterday. „How was dinner? Did Taron bother you?“, Cato looked curious and you raised your eyebrows in surprise. „No he left me alone for once…“, his face lit up with a satisfied smirk and you were unsure why he would suspect something changed, but then you remembered their alteration today.

„Cato“, you looked at him wide eyed and he felt the need to protect you flare up again at your innocent stare, the way you said his name made him feel the weakest he felt in years. „Mhm?“, he was still smirking, happy that he successfully scared the boy off. „There was no knife was there“, you worded it like a question, but he knew you figured it out. „Nah“, he chuckled and looked over the skyline.

Once your brain caught up with the fact that he scared off Taron to protect you, your heart was almost jumping out of your chest. Why would he protect you? He was a Career, he was trained to win this, to murder, why would he care about you in any way? Honestly you were even more touched because of that. „Thank you“, you whispered and your hand squeezed his biceps - his big and bulging biceps - automatically.

The feeling of your skin on his spread a fire through his body he didn’t know was possible. His head snapped towards you, and it seemed to startle you because you pulled your hand away. At least you tried to, but he didn’t want you to stop touching him, so he quickly grabbed your hand with his and interlaced your fingers, his grip firm but gentle. He didn’t say anything, and you didn’t either, but neither of you let go while you were sitting there together.

—————————

The fourth day at training you were surprised again, Cato actually approached you at where you were trying your best at painting your skin to camouflage. You had sat together yesterday too, holding hands again and your head had even slid onto his shoulder, but you would have never thought he would talk to you infront of the other tributes. Wouldn’t that damage his reputation? And that only a few days before entering the arena.

„That looks pretty good“, he was being nice, it didn’t look pretty good. You weren’t really talented at this either. The only thing you knew you were good at was climbing, you had climbed trees all your childhood and your small light frame was perfect for that. But your mentors told you to not show your strengths infront of the others, but rather work on your weaknesses.

„Uhm thanks, maybe it would work if it’s dark“, you tried to convince yourself at this point looking down at your arm and then put the brush down with a sigh. „What are you doing Cato?“, you looked at him in wonder. „I just…I wanted to talk to you“, he was clearly at a loss for words, and to see the strong scary Career like that - because of you! - made you smile. „Do you think that’s a good idea? Your…friends look equally confused and murderous“, you could see the three of them look at Cato like he was insane, the girl from his district looked like she wanted to throw the knife she was holding at your head right now.

„They’re not my friends“, he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, his muscles straining and you were flustered immediately. Why were you so unable to control yourself damn it. You didn’t look at him, but you could already envision that stupidly hot smirk. „How about I show you a few easy things with a knife hm?“, he nodded over to the weapons that you had been steering clear of until now.

„I-I don’t know I‘ve never…“, you tried to avoid embarrassing yourself but he cut you off by grabbing your arm and leading you over there, the other Careers still watching in shock. „Can’t hurt“, he shrugged and gave you a smaller knife, the object feeling foreign in your grip. You appreciated the thought and you felt it was really sweet of him to try and teach you but the only thing you wanted right now was for the floor to open up and swallow you.

———————

It wasn’t as much of an embarrassment as you thought it would be, after a few minutes the attention from the other tributes subsided eventually and Cato actually taught you a few moves, most of them selfdefense. Everytime he had you in his grip, you were blushing and he seemed to love it. You were pushing open the door to the rooftop again, glad you hadn’t been caught yet.

This time you were carrying a blanket, it was a little cold yesterday and you wanted to make sure you didn’t have to cut your time with him short. He perked up immediately when he heard you, a smile lighting up his face, and you were stunned that this was how you were spending your time before entering the arena - falling in love. Who were you kidding, you weren’t falling you already fell. It was a tragedy really.

But before you could dwell on it too much, you were close enough and to your surprise he took your hand and pulled you down in between his legs, your back to his chest and his arms around your waist. You were breathless for a second, but then remembered how to get air into your lungs and relaxed against him. You still didn’t remember how to talk though, so he took the blanket out of your hands gently and spread it over the two of you.

He couldn’t help but act on his urge to have you close, in three days you would enter the arena and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing you - he was stunned by how intense his feelings were. He was supposed to be focused on winning this, that was what he had been trained for, being honour to his District. But with you in his arms like that, your hands softly settling on top of his, he couldn’t be interested any less in that. And it scared him just as much as it made him feel in love.

„Cato, what are we doing?“, your negative thoughts were back, you shifted slightly to look up into his face. He frowned and his grip on you tightened slightly. „What do you mean?“, he grunted and didn’t meet your eyes, he knew what you meant. „This, us“, you gestured between you two, „I mean, why are you so nice to me? Not that I don’t like it, I do, but it makes no sense.“

He closed his eyes for a second with a heavy sigh, he knew sooner or later that would come up. He had hoped for later. „I don’t know, I can’t help it“, he was really bad at voicing his feelings, he was taught that it’s a weakness, „you make me…feel things I’ve never felt before.“ You heart was beating so fast you could hear the blood rush in your ears. You knew that for him that was a crazy emotional thing to admit.

„I feel it too“, you smiled, but that smile turned sad quickly and you sighed, „but you realize that…I mean we’ll enter the arena soon.“ You leaned back, your head against his shoulder and it felt like this was the only place in the Capitol you were safe.

„I’ll protect you“, he grumbled, the thought of what could and would happen in the arena made him sick, not excited as it had before. „There’s only one winner Cato“, you whispered, „ and it’s never going to be me, I’m probably the first that gets killed.“ It was almost painful to hear you say that, and only your soft grip on his hands kept him grounded. „You won’t“, he was sure he could protect you, and if it came to it, maybe he would even sacrifice himself so you could live. He was momentarily stunned by the intensity of that thought, but it was true nonetheless.

„What about the other Careers? Aren’t they your allies? They already look like they would like to kill me“, you saw how he got more agitated, „I don’t…I don’t want you to feel responsible for me, I kind of accepted my death the moment my name was called, we should just-“ He interrupted you in a way you never would have thought you got to experience before dying in the arena.

He kissed you. It was a little rough because of his anger but his lips were so soft, and your whole body was tingling pleasantly. After the initial shock you turned in his arms, your hand lacing behind his neck and your reciprocated the kiss gently. You were basically straddling him, but the thight grip he had on your hips let you know it was fine. His lips moved against yours carefully but he was definitely leading the kiss, his demanding and dominant nature making you feel some type of way.

Cato couldn’t believe he was kissing you, he hadn’t felt this good in years. He had kissed - and done other things with - girls before you, but it never ever came even close to what this innocent kiss made him feel. All thoughts of you or him dying were pushed aside for now, he just focused on you. After a few more moments he pulled away breathlessly, opening his eyes and studying your face. You were panting too, you eyes still closed and your pretty lips a little swollen, you were unbelievably beautiful in this moment. „I will protect you“, he repeated himself, not leaving any space for protest before he kissed you again, with a little more passion this time.

———————

Cato had been all over you on the fifth day of training, he didn’t leave your side, just once and only to perfect what he would show tomorrow. That gave you a little time to breathe, he was determined to teach you as much as possible, ignoring all the looks you two were getting. You were once again hiding at the fire station, not from Catos eyes but from the others this time.

„That looks much better than your first attempt“, the voice of the girl from district 12 startled you, she sat down next to you and watched the other tributes in the hall. „Thanks, I had a good teacher“, you smiled, at least someone here was decent to you - and didn’t outright look ready to kill you or was terrified because of Catos presence.

Katniss didn’t know why she approached you again, she didn’t really want any allies but your gentle nature reminded her of Prim - eventhough you were older. She was also a little relieved to talk to someone other than Effie, Haymitch and Peeta, even if it was just superficial smalltalk. The training days were starting to become a little dull. „Cato looks like he’s about to kill me“, she noticed the scary Careers stare on her now that she was close to you.

„Sorry about that“, you sighed, your fire long forgotten. „Don’t be, he’s worried for you, it’s…surprising but nice to see there is something good left in this place“, she shrugged, meeting your eyes and you nodded in agreement. You were surprised the girl talked to you, but she was nice enough. „You want me to show you how to set up a simple trap?“, she offered and you were surprised again. „Yeah sure! That would be great“, you followed her immediately, knowing that a skill like that could come in handy.

„Yeah good, just pull that string a little tighter“, she pointed to the one on the left, and you fixed it quickly. „That looks right“, she nodded, and you were a little proud you actually did it. „Thanks Katniss, you’re a good teacher“, you were happy about her company, she was a little cold but still nice. „I’ll leave you to your Career“, the ghost of a smile dashed over he face and she was gone, her place quickly filled by Cato.

„What was that?“, he sat down next to you, scowling at the retreating girl. „She showed me how to make a trap“, you pointed in front of you and he grumbled a little. „Don’t be like that, she is nice“, you rolled your eyes and the frown on his face deepend. „How about you? Ready for tomorrow?“, you tried to distract him, you didn’t want to argue about this.

„Yeah“, he was gruff but you didn’t take it personally, that’s just how he was. „Good“, you gave him a soft smile, and it seemed like that did relax him a little. „Are you ready too?“, he looked a little worried again and you saw his hand reach out for you before he dropped it again, it wouldn’t be very smart to display affection like that infront of the other tributes - they were suspicious enough as it was.

„I am, Cecelia told me not to show the others what I can do so I couldn’t practice it though“, at that he raised his brows in surprise. „What? You thought there was nothing I’m good at?“, you asked giggling and he smiled too. „No, no, I’m just curious now“, he stood up swiftly, pulling you up along with him. „Come on, I’ll teach you some more“, he decided.

———————

You were laying in his arms again, his face buried in your neck and you fingers interlaced gently. „I talked to the others today“, he suddenly said, his voice against your neck making you fidget slightly. „About what?“, you asked, his head sliding out of your neck and watching your face instead.

„They still want me to be their ally, and they promised to leave you alone“, he seemed unsure of your reaction, but he was calm nonetheless. „What?“, you were shocked, the glares you always got from them - especially Glimmer - would have never let you guess they would agree to not kill you. Than again, their chances were multiplying with Cato on their side, he was probably the strongest tribute this year.

„I told you I would protect you in there and I meant that, you are…very important to me“, he was mumbling quietly at the end, but you still heard him. „You’re important to me too, but Cato I mean realistically…what if it comes down to us two? I don’t want you to have to ki-”, he interrupted you angrily. „Don’t say that!“, his voice became louder and suddenly had an edge to it, but he took a deep breath and took your cheek into his hand, „don’t…don’t say that, please. We‘ll think about that when the time comes.“

You gently laid your hand on top of the one that was still holding your cheek and only managed to nod. Instead of trying to find the right words, you just leaned in, pressing your lips to his softly and closing your eyes. He immediately pulled you closer, reciprocating and moving his lips in sync with yours, your lips fit together perfectly.

Your taste made his senses go into overdrive, his tongue slowly tracing your lips and sliding in between them. When he sat up there with you, being this close, he could forget the future that was ahead for a few moments. When you held onto him like that it made him feel comfortable, a possessiveness and need to protect you fall over him. Contrary to Glimmer who had hung onto him the first day of training. That girl had made his skin crawl.

————————

You were sitting infront of the TV with your mentors and Taron, Aspasia and Tarons stylist being there too. You were anxiously awaiting your rating, you had given your best to quickly move and climb around the obstacles, being as swift and silent as possible and showing what you got. You had also shown some of your survival skills and skills that involved plants, so you hoped all in all it would be enough for a decent rating

Cato had sat with you when you were waiting to be called on, he was the third one that had to go but it was still nice to have some support. He obviously got a high ranking - a 10 to be exact - and you were honestly very proud of him, god you were so in love. District 7 was just finished when they put your picture on an you were nervously moving on the couch. „(Y/N) (Y/L/N) from District 8 with a rating of…7.“ Oh wow, that was so much better than you thought.

„That’s great! Good job“, Woof clapped you on the back hard and you just had to smile. „Taron Hunlor from District 8 with a rating of…5“, you were surprised he was worse than you, but then again you hadn’t seen him do anything useful at training. „That’s good!“, Cecelia tried to congratulate him, but he got up with a grunt and went to his room.

You were the first on the roof today, and after half an hour you had nearly given up hope that you would see Cato today, but then you finally heard the door open and he rounded the corner slightly out of breath. You beamed up at him and he immediately picked you up, the blanket tumbling to the floor. You squealed slightly at the way he manhandled you - but it also made you feel a little hot.

He sat down where you sat before, you now sitting on his lap and wrapped in his strong arms. „I’m sorry, I couldn’t sneak out earlier, Brutus and Enobaria stayed up forever“, he rolled his eyes in annoyance. „Don’t worry, I’m just glad you came“, you smiled gently and the frown melted off his face, his eyes studying you for a second.

You were so beautiful, the soft wind was moving your hair and the way you were always looking at him so soft and loving made him fall for you more every moment you were together. He carefully gripped your cheek in his calloused hand and pulled you in for a kiss, just a short one. „I’m so proud of you by the way, how on earth did you get a 7?“, he had been genuinely surprised that you got such a good rating, and also had been positively gloating when that boy from your district was worse.

„What’s that supposed to mean? You thought I wouldn’t?“, you grinned and he tickled your side with a chuckle, until you pushed his hands away with a laugh. „I’m quite talented at climbing and stuff, guess that was enough“, you shrugged and he raised his brows in wonder. „You must’ve been really good at that then, don’t be so humble“, he smiled and kissed you again. „Mhm, I’m proud of you too by the way, not that I didn’t expect your score“, you mumbled between kisses, but he just grunted and continued kissing you.

His hand tangled in your hair, while his other pulled you flush against him and he moved his lips against yours more urgently. You hummed contently, matching his rhythm and sinking into his embrace, you loved how intense he got when he felt you relax and be completely at his mercy. He was more than a little possessive, but you loved it - if you were being honest it made you fantasize about the other things you two could be doing, you had heard the other teens in your district talk about it sometimes.

He slipped his tongue into your mouth gently, the way it softly moved with yours making you little lightheaded. You two seperated for air, a sigh leaving your lips, his forehead pressed against yours. „I love you“, it was almost inaudible, but you could clearly hear the term slip out of his mouth, your eyes opening in shock. A fraction of a second later he went rigid, his eyes opening even quicker than yours, and you could tell that he let it slip out on accident.

„Shit, I’m sorry it’s way too early- I mean I didn’t mean to let that slip- Fuck why did I-“, you were shocked to see the normally cool and hardened Career so unsure of himself and quickly interrupted him with a short kiss. „Did you mean it?“, you whispered, you loved him, you were a hundred percent sure of that, but you needed to know if he only said that in the spur of the moment or if he honestly felt that way.

„Yeah, I did mean it“, he breathed, a little calmer but still on edge, Cato wasn’t used to wearing his heart on his sleeve, but he also felt a little relieved that he told you how he felt out loud. „I love you“, you were positively beaming, an equally happy smile lighting up Catos face, he was even more relieved now that he knew you reciprocated his feelings. You hadn’t known eachother for very long, but it felt like a lifetime already.

—————————

Your stylist team had finished your hair and makeup (and everything else that needed to be done) and now you were just waiting for Aspasia to dress you. „Hello sweetheart“, she was excited as always and couldn’t wait to show you the dress. But you weren’t prepared for the dress she pulled out. „No way“, you gasped and she looked a little confused by your intense reaction. „It’s pretty isn’t it?“, she smiled and walked over to you.

„No, no you don’t understand“, you were really excited, „that dress - I made that!“ She was stunned into silence for a moment, and looked between you and the dress in her hands in shock. „Seriously? That’s so impressive, and I mean what are the odds?“, she was so right, this was damn near impossible, but here you were. The dress ended above your knees, beautiful embroidery all over it.

„I was originally going to design you a new dress, but I saw that dress while I was out the other day, and I just was so captivated by its beauty plus I thought it would fit you perfectly“, she rambled while helping you into the dress, closing it and leading you to the mirror where the shoes were waiting. „You look stunning love“, she smiled and you actually felt like it too.

—————————

„You looked so beautiful today“, Cato panted between kisses, his hands tightly squeezing your hips and yours gently gripping his blonde hair. „T-thank you“, you were breathless when his lips left yours and wandered down your jaw and towards your neck instead. The interview wasn’t that bad actually, the fact that you had made that dress was a perfect ice breaker. „You looked very handsome too“, your voice went up at the end, Catos teeth slightly grazing the soft skin of your neck and sending a shiver down your back.

Cato just hummed, fully immersed in littering your neck with soft kisses, the reactions he pulled out of you making him grow hard. He didn’t mean to, but you were so pretty on top of him, all whining and grabbing his hair, he couldn’t help it. He didn’t even notice his hands slipped under your pajamatop, only when his fingertips grazed the underside of your breasts - fuck, you weren’t wearing a bra - and you tensed above him, did he get pulled out of his thoughts.

„Fuck, sorry I didn’t mean to-“, he immediately apologized and pulled back his hand, he was sure you’ve never done anything like that and he didn’t want to pressure you. „No! No it’s okay, I was just surprised…I’ve never…“, you were blushing and growing embarrassed and he thought you were so cute. „Don’t worry love, I don’t want to put pressure on you, I was just lost in you for a moment“, his thumbs stroked you red cheeks softly, a grin spreading on his face.

„You didn’t“, you mumbled, in reality the way he touched you had felt really good, „I liked it.“ His eyebrows were raising and you looked away shyly. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about sleeping with him, you thought about how you were probably going to die tomorrow - and you wanted to be as close as possible to him tonight.

„You did?“, he was teasing you a little, but he was honestly curious what you were thinking at the moment. „Yeah…I mean I would like to…“, you had a hard time getting over your embarrassment while he was staring at you so intensely, „if you want to too, we could mhm…continue?“ You were sure the blush was spreading down your neck by now.

He was a little surprised to be honest, but also incredibly turned on by how you wanted to do this too. „I need to hear you say it pretty girl, need to make sure you actually want this“, he liked teasing you, but he was also telling the truth - he needed to make sure you consented to this. „Don’t make me say it Cato“, you were whining and squirmed in his lap, making it hard for him to concentrate, so he held onto your waist tightly, making you stop.

„I need to hear you say it (Y/N)“, he was kissing your neck softly, and you sighed quietly, making him pull you even closer. „I want to sleep with you Cato“, you whispered, but he heard you as if you shouted it, a shiver running through him, „do you…do you want to too?“ He groaned at the question. „Of course I want to baby, god you have no idea“, he moaned against your neck.

He held onto you tightly, laying the blanket across the rooftop and gently laying you down on it. „Are you sure you want this?“, he confirmed one more time, and you nodded impatiently. „Yes, yes I’m sure“, you pulled him down into a kiss, his hips wedged between your legs. He was bracing himself on top of you on his elbows, his biceps caging in your head.

While you were kissing, one his hands wandered under you pajamatop again and his fingertips softly skimmed over your skin, a shiver running through you when he ran his thumb over your already perked nipple. You sighed into his mouth and he pulled back and started peppering kisses over your jaw and to your neck. A little impatiently you grabbed the bottom of your top and pulled it over your head, and he froze for a second.

You were getting a little insecure with him just staring at your boobs, but when you blushed and tried to cover them he pushed your hands away with an unhappy grunt. „Don’t hide from me baby, you’re so beautiful“, he rumbled and you blushed even more, but before you could dwell on it, he lowered his mouth to the formerly neglected nipple and gently ran his tongue over it, making you hum and arch your back a little.

Your hands found their way to his shoulders, pulling at the fabric of his top until he let go of your nipple and helped you pull it off of him. You weren’t going to be the only one undressed, and when his toned and muscular upper body came to light you had to bite your lip not to let your moan slip out. Fuck he was so hot, and judging by his smirk he loved your reaction.

His ego inflated even more at the way you were unconsciously rubbing your legs together when he took of his shirt, and he couldn’t believe he would be your first. His lips went back to your perfectly soft boobs, and not being able to rule in his possessiveness he left a few marks, and then made his way down your belly, your hands in his hair making his brain feel all mushy.

You had touched yourself before, but never had you felt like that - your pussy was basically pulsing from his lips all over your body and you could feel there was a wet patch on your underwear. That man did things to you that made you forget everything around you. Your pants were pulled down your legs before you noticed and your lovers lips were on your body again, trailing kisses from your knee over the inside of your thigh towards where you needed him most.

„Cato please“, you were panting a little, his teasing and the anticipation were killing you. „Tell me what you want love“, he was kissing the juncture were your leg met you hips and you were writhing underneath him. „Please touch me“, you breathed, heat filling your cheeks but his grin made your lower stomach tingle in all the good ways.

„Anything you want“, he chuckled and pulled down you panties, but before you could even be selfconscious, he groaned at the sight of your dripping cunt and ran one of his calloused fingers down your slit. When he caught your clit, you whimpered, pushing your hips closer to get more of that feeling, your brain not being able to form a productive thought - you were completely at this tall Careers mercy.

„Fuck baby you’re so wet“, he groaned, his thumb circling your clit and his breath fanning over your pussy. You were so lost in the feeling of him that you didn’t notice his mouth lowering until suddenly his finger was gone and was replaced by his mouth. You gasped, the feeling of his tongue moving over your clit was overwhelming, the sight of his head between your legs so sinful you let out a moan.

He prodded your entrance with his fingers, two of them carefully slipping inside and you were blissed out. He curled them expertly into your spongey spot, your thighs basically smothering him but he didn’t seem to care, and you could feel the coil in your belly tightening. „You taste so good baby, you’re gonna cum for me? Cum all over my tongue come on“, he coaxed you and when he started sucking on your clit and added a third finger, the feeling of the slightly burning stretch and the pleasure of his mouth on you pushed you over the edge.

„Cato!“, you moaned out loud, clenching around his fingers and holding onto his hair for dear life. You were glad the streets were so loud or you would’ve been worried about being overheard. His fingers fucked you through your high, he was imagining your thight heat wrapped around him and groaned, the vibration making you twitch from overstimulation once you came down from your orgasm.

When he heard you whine, the feeling of his tongue too sensitive on your swollen and fucked out pussy, he pulled back and sucked his fingers clean while admiring your pretty face, all flushed and satisfied - satisfied by him, he thought with a smirk. While you were evening out your breathing, he quickly shed his pants and underwear before perching himself above you, his hard cock slapping against your belly, a hum leaving your mouth at the feeling.

„You’re so beautiful“, he whispered, placing kisses on your chin, forehead and cheeks, making you giggle slightly. He smiled at that, his heart beating faster and he embraced the feeling of how whipped for you he was. „I love you“, you laced your hands behind his neck, pulling him closer to kiss him and he happily yielded. „I love you too“, he mumbled between kisses, but then he felt your small hand wander down his chest and over his abs.

You fingertips slightly brushed the leaking head of his dick, a groan leaving his mouth and he grabbed your hand to stop you. „Fuck baby“, he panted, „if you touch me now I won’t last long.“ You were blushing and he just adored your pretty face, kissing you again, before grabbing your thighs and pulling them up against his hips.

„Are you sure you want this?“, he looked into your big innocent eyes, the head of his cock slipping through your wet folds, mixing his precum with your slick. „Yes, please, I’m sure Cato“, you nodded, of course you were nervous too, it was your first tim after all, but you trusted him completely. You heard the other girls talk about how it hurt the first time, and he was really big, but you were sure he knew what he was doing - why he knew that you didn’t want to think about too much, you weren’t angry or anything, but it still made you feel a little jealous.

He pushed the head of his cock into you and the stretch burned a little, but it wasn’t too bad. You could tell he had to hold back, and when you clenched around him he groaned, burying his face in your neck. You held onto his biceps, the bulging muscle straining from holding his weight up, and then he pushed his hips forward, opening you up more and more, until he finally bottomed out, his heavy balls resting against your ass. He stopped for a moment, giving you a second to get adjusted to his girth.

Cato was sure this was heaven, your cunt was so hot and tight and the sounds you made had him holding onto his selfcontrol for dear life - he had to stop himself from pounding into you right away. Your scent was enveloping him, your small hands on his arms and legs wrapped around his waist, he didn’t care about anything or anyone else in that moment - just you, and he knew you would be his priority from now on, always.

„Please Cato, need you“, you whimpered and he came back to reality when you clenched around him, pulling back from your neck and grabbing your thigh in one hand, before mounting you more securely and picking up a slow rhythm. You moaned, the way his veiny cock was dragging along your walls, filling you to the brim made you tighten around him.

He went faster, his thrusts getting harder and battering your cervix, his restraint slipping from him with each time you gushed more slick around him, pulling him into your tight pussy. „Who do you belong to (Y/N)?“, he growled, lost in his possessive nature and the way he dominated the soft girl underneath him. You couldn’t form a coherent sentence, but when he gave a punctured hard thrust, making you gasp, you could see he wanted an answer.

„You Cato, I belong to you“, you moaned, a shift in his hips making him hit that one spot inside of you, and you were getting lost in your pleasure. „Damn right you do, you’re mine“, he groaned, pulling you into a kiss, his cock never ceasing its assault of your swollen pussy, the feeling of your high approaching making you pull away from the kiss with a whine.

„Cum for me love“, he basically ordered you too, and his deep voice awoke some primal instinct inside of you. His fingers started circling your clit roughly, and you were pulled over the edge, chanting his name and squeezing his hard cock like a vice. He fucked you through your orgasm, and when you came down, he picked up his pace one more time, making you twitch around him slightly, reaching his high with a moan.

He buried himself as deep inside of you as you would take him, his balls tightening and he was spilling his cum deep into your perfect pussy. With one final rut, he stilled and just layed on top of your fucked out form for a few moments - careful not to put his whole weight on you. Both your breathing slowed eventually, Cato turning the both of you around so you were laying on top of him comfortably (his dick never slipping out) and covering both of you with the part of the blanket you weren’t laying on.

„You okay?“, he asked quietly, and you hummed happily. „Better than okay“, you giggled slightly, making him smile. „Good“, he kissed the top of your head, your hair softly falling over his right shoulder and the both of you admiring the skyline, basking in the presence of the other. „Promise me you will run to me tomorrow, I’ll do anything to keep you safe (Y/N), but I need you to run towards me baby“, his arms squeezed your waist tightly, as if afraid you would disappear right now.

„I promise“, you just said, knowing it wouldn’t do anything good to argue about the possibilities of you dying on the way to him. You just wanted to enjoy the moment right now. He seemed to relax underneath you, one of his large hand cupping your cheek and stroking your jaw softly. You kissed him gently, trying to ingrain the feeling of his lips into your brain. No matter what happened now, you would always have his love and he yours.

————————

I recently rewatched the hunger games and was fully back in my obsession with Cato, so here you go! Would really appreciate some feedback, or opinions if there should be a part 2?

#x reader #the hunger games #cato #cato x reader #cato hadley #cato hadley x reader #cato hunger games #katniss #capitol #district #fluff #angst #smut #peeta

2K notes · View notes

cosmicpuzzle · 2 months

Text

Astro Observations for the Day

🌸Jupiter in 10th house people might work under their teachers or professors or mentors. Say you are a medical student and then you start to practice under that professor who taught you in the college. As Jupiter rules teachers and 10th is career, your teacher may play a close role in shaping your career.

🌸Periods of 5th lord can be very difficult to hold your job as 5th house is 8th from 10th house of career but it is also the 12th house from 6th house of job. So, the period of planets in 5th or 5th lord periods can indicate unemployment or losing job.

🌸If Ketu is trine a planet, read it as if the planet is in Scorpio. Say Ketu is in Capricorn and Trines Venus in Taurus , then your Venus may act like a scorpio Venus. You can apply this to all planets. Say Rahu in Taurus and Venus in Virgo, then Venus acts like an Aquarius Venus. (Rahu rules Aquarius and Ketu scorpio)

🌸Gemini risings may frequently work in hospital and health industry reason is Scorpio on 6th cusp and Pisces on 10th cusp. In fact, all air risings have potential to work in medical industry more than others due to water signs falling in 2nd, 6th and 10th houses.

🌸Men with Venus-Sun may have hard time keeping their relationship and marriage private. It's like everyone knows what's happening in their marital life. As Sun is a bright planet, it brings out the marriage life in public view.

🌸I have noticed Aquarius sign represents programming, internet, electronics, networks, electricity, social media etc. Reason being Aquarius rules the nerve network in the body and hence anything which connects us can come under Aquarius. Generally, people with Aquarius dominance are good in science and programming.

🌸People with Moon-Mercury opposition can often attract childish partners.

🌸Mercury in 5th house people desire to have 2 children often. Since Mercury rules siblings, these people often want their children to have a sibling and hence they prefer having 2 kids and also simultaneously. Some people also desire twins with Mercury in 5th.

🌸Transiting Jupiter hitting natal Mars for woman can mean boyfriend entering your life or a significant masculine partner. The closer the transit the more intense the attraction is.

For Readings DM :)

331 notes · View notes

chunksworld · 1 year

Text

A Moment in Time

LE SSERAFIM Sakura x Male Reader | (Tags: Smut)

A/N: Chunk goes monkey brain yet again. Thank you @kaedespicelatte as always for beta reading.

————————

Dating an idol is extremely difficult.

The unfortunate reality that dating in the industry is almost as good as killing off one’s career certainly doesn’t help, both of you are very aware about how groups had their debuts and comebacks halted because of dating scandals; and considering that the woman you’re dating is Miyawaki Sakura, a member of one of the most popular girl groups in Korea, it only means that every single step taken to ensure that such a relationship is kept strictly hidden is made that much more cautiously. Something as simple as a 20-minute parking lot date is planned meticulously to prevent any possibility of anyone finding out, great lengths are taken to make sure no one notices you two in each other’s presence. But it’s all worth it once you finally have her in your arms, even if it only occurs once or twice a month. Thank goodness for technology because you can at least remain in contact with her, something you cherish very much due to your current circumstances. And it’s not like she can ask her members for assistance because they don’t know about it either (you’ve been trying to convince her to just get it over with and tell them but she’s too stubborn to do so).

As much as she anticipates their overwhelming love and support, she knows too well that all it will take is for them to slip up and everything she worked extremely hard for in over a decade will disappear just like that. The company policy strictly prohibits any of their talents from dating until five years after their debut and it’s not worth risking anything at this stage, not when she’s extremely successful and especially not when you two are doing everything in your powers to make it work. And yet you two somehow managed to indeed make it work despite all of the adversities. Three years strong and it doesn’t seem like you two are stopping anytime soon, if anything those trials have made your relationship that much better. But those three years of only meeting up occasionally have inevitably started to take a toll on both of you and as a result, you two have become more daring as of these past few months—testing just how far you two can take your relationship. That meant longer dates such as that one time you two actually went out to a restaurant for the first time in ages (although she insisted that you both arrive near closing time so that there are barely any patrons around) or when she finally introduced you to her parents when they finally had a day-off after their promotions.

But even those longer dates were starting to become inadequate, with her needing your presence much more than ever due to her stressful schedules. You two are adults after all, and the lack of physical contact for weeks and months were starting to take their toll on you. As a result, she had to make a decision to tell her manager about the existence of your relationship (something she understandably greatly stressed over because of the potential consequences) and they were fortunately extremely supportive. As a result, you’ve been able to see her much more frequently even when she’s busy, although you still have to be very cautious. From bringing her food during her schedules to even driving her to their dorm, you two have been able to do things that a regular couple does for once. Gone were the days of only seeing her on your phone and hearing her voice through the speakers, you were now able to have her in your arms much more frequently.

And today is one of those days because she kept talking about how much she wanted to see you again even though you’ve already met up with her the week prior; and as her boyfriend you are here to fulfill your duties. Thanks to her manager, you were able to successfully sneak backstage during one of their performances with a care package in hand filled with her favorite snacks and essentials. With a cap and face mask on, you managed to blend in with the other staff members seamlessly. It also helps that you even have your own fake staff ID that was intricately made with the help of her manager, a perfect disguise that has worked flawlessly for the past few months. After a few minutes of watching her performance (she looks stunning as usual and there’s something about her in that outfit that makes a certain part of your body react though that’s something you would never admit to her), you carefully made your way back to her personal dressing room as it was finally starting to wrap up.

You wait patiently, making sure not to make any noises so as to not cause any suspicion. Her group is known as being one of the loudest due to their personalities and how close they are to each other so it was easy to recognize that they were approaching. The staff were congratulating them on yet another win but little does your girlfriend know that she’s got another surprise coming her way. More laughter and chatter in the background while the staff tells them to get ready in 45 minutes. You can clearly hear her voice, laughing at something that Yunjin said before they went their own ways. Her footsteps are starting to get louder, and you step closer to the door to greet her. You can slowly see the door knob starting to turn and as soon as she opens the door you bring her close to you.

“Hmmph!” Your lips immediately clash with Sakura’s, trained hands making sure to close and lock the door behind you despite the commotion. The kiss is desperate, it’s hot, it’s messy, and it conveys what a thousand words can’t. She misses you. Forget the fame and the money, there’s nothing in this world that she prefers more than being by your side–and of course, you feel the same way. Two weeks of not being able to see each other built up to this, all of the times she told you how badly she wanted you, all of those times she called you in the middle of the night and told you what she wanted you to do to her. It was all building up to this and neither of you can wait. Her arms wrap around your neck and so does her legs around her waist while you bring her towards the counter and place her on top of it gently. You don’t stop kissing her, hands roaming her exposed stomach while your tongue fights for dominance with hers, earning yourself a muffled whimper from her at the scalding heat your fingers generate.

But the biological need to breathe oxygen reigns supreme and you have to regrettably pull away after a few minutes. Deep pants as she tries to recover—her chest heaving from the brief but intense session, her cheeks a light hue of red, her lips slightly swollen and much redder than before. Everything about her right now is so hot, so fucking hot, and that just makes her that much more irresistible in your eyes. She hasn’t said a word yet but those eyes of hers are already telling you one thing, “fuck me.” You haven’t seen that look before and it just makes you want to rip every single piece of clothing from both of your bodies and fuck her right at this very moment. Sakura must sense this as well because she pulls you for yet another liplock, this time working on the buttons of your shirt. The expensive piece of fabric is then thrown somewhere in her dressing room, her lips immediately traveling down the expanse of your chest and stomach. “God, I missed you so fucking much.”

“M-Me too, baby.” It’s becoming difficult to form coherent sentences as she leaves kisses all over your body, even more so after she grabs your clothed length that’s forming a tent inside your pants which causes you to groan. It all happens quickly—she jumps off the counter and kneels down in front of you, her skilled hands working on unbuckling your belt and removing the clothing obstructing her view of the treasured prize. Shivers immediately run down your spine as she pulls down your pants along with your boxers; your dick is already fully erect and dripping with so much precum, it stands proudly in front of your girlfriend and she bites her lips at the sight. Take off your shoes and throw them to the side along with your pants and boxers, leaving you completely naked in front of her.

“So fucking hard for me already….” Sakura’s delicate fingers slowly wrap themselves around your shaft and it takes every muscle in your body not to explode on her perfect face already. You can only bite your lip to prevent yourself from making any loud noises; maybe it was a bad idea to do this inside her dressing room. But all of those doubts are washed away the moment she starts to increase the pace, your precum helping her jerk you off faster as lewd noises of your cock fills the room. More precum continues to drip out and your sensitivity only increases, you continue to moan and groan helplessly under her touch. Her hands are now fondling your balls that are heavy and full just for her, giving them a soft squeeze. She smirks at this, proud that you followed through with your promise of not masturbating until you’ve met up with her again (a difficult task considering how often she would tease you by sending nudes). “Looks like you were really saving up for me, baby. How about I help you unload all of this cum?”

You could only tilt your head back and groan silently as she finally takes you in between her lips, her warm and tight mouth sends immense pleasure through your brain and you have to hold on to the edges of the counter or you’ll stumble forward. It’s only fortunate that the walls of this room are thick enough to give you two a sense of privacy because it’s becoming extremely difficult to restrain the sounds coming out of your mouth. “K-Kkura shit, just like that….” It gets even more intense once her tongue joins the fray, licking and swirling around your tip as she drinks up all of the precum that you have to offer. And since this isn’t your first rodeo with her, it doesn’t take too long before she’s able to take your whole shaft inside her mouth. Her trained gag reflex allows her to bob her head up and down your entire length with ease, effectively sucking the soul out of you.

She would alternate between sucking you off with her mouth and giving you a handjob, a combination so deadly that it only takes a few more minutes before that familiar feeling in your stomach makes its presence known. It doesn’t help that she looks so fucking pretty with your dick in between her mouth, the way she would look at you with such an intense and lustful gaze that each and every tug on your length is bringing you closer and closer to unravelling. So you decide to take matters into your own hands by softly grabbing onto her head and thrusting gently into her mouth, essentially meeting her halfway with each bob of your head. Just the thought of filling her mouth with your cum, overflowing it so much that she won’t be able to contain it all is driving you crazy. But it seems like she has other plans because just as you were about to completely erupt she removes your dick from her mouth, a trail of saliva forming as a result. “K-Kkura, w-what the fuck?” She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, her lipstick now almost non-existent as your dick twitches in the aftermath

“Not yet, baby. I don’t want your cum down my throat.” She stands up to meet you at face level and leans into your ears. “I want it inside my pussy instead.” That is all you needed to hear as you brought your lips to hers once again, reaching for the hem of her black top and pulling it over head before furiously throwing it somewhere in the same manner as your shirt—you could only hope that it wasn’t an expensive top. But it doesn’t really matter as her perky tits are revealed to you and you waste no time, latching your lips on her left nipple. You swirl your tongue around the stiff bud while your fingers fondle with her right breast. They’ve always been your favorite part of her body and you always make sure to appreciate them properly during sex. The pretty moans coming out of her mouth is just an added incentive. You give her other breast the same treatment, making sure it’s completely covered in saliva when you’re done.

“I’m so fucking horny for you, you know that?” You could suck on her tits all day if you can but this isn’t necessarily the place and time for that. So you proceed with removing her pants and panties, remembering to eat her out properly next time at an appropriate setting. It’s not a surprise that she’s sopping wet already, her juices already drenching her inner thighs as her pink pussy is ready to accept your cock. And you do exactly that, lifting her by the waist and placing her on the counter yet again as you align your length with her pussy carefully before plunging in. She’s already lubricated enough so you immediately start thrusting, the suffocating warmth and tightness is unrivaled and it’s a feeling that you will never get tired of. Uncontrolled moans from the two of you fill the room and you really hope that the soundproofed walls are doing their job properly.

Stare into her eyes and despite still being filled with lust, you could also see the love and passion. And that’s what makes sex with Sakura even more special. It always serves as a consummation of your relationship and how much you two mean to each other. “Fuck baby, I love you so much.” She smiles, bringing you to a passionate kiss—one that is much slower and less urgent than the ones that came before it. And yet it’s hotter and more arousing as you continue to fuck her. Her arms reach around your shoulders and back, holding on to you tightly as she pressed her divinely body closer to yours as you continue to make love. As soon as her lips leave your mouth you target her neck, placing chaste kisses as you drink in her intoxicating and alluring scent. You're careful not to leave a mark however, unless you want her to scold you again.

One particular thrust causes her to yelp and lean her head back, confirming the location of her g-spot. It only urges you to increase the pace and the sound of wet skin slapping against each other is all that fills the room along with your moans. The intensity of your thrusts causes her breasts to bounce and you couldn’t help but lean and suck on one of her nipples yet again, still wet with saliva from your treatment earlier. Her moans grow in intensity and it’s only going to be a matter of time before Chaewon checks up on her so you divert your attention from her breasts yet again to seal her mouth with yours, you don’t mind kissing her all day either, anyways. With trained accuracy, you continue pounding at her g-spot which causes her to melt into putty. After a few more minutes, she suddenly wraps her arms tightly around your neck again and you know it’s a signal that her release is coming soon.

“Cum for me, Kkura.” You increase your pace even more, making sure to target her g-spot every time as you want to witness her unraveling. Her breathing has become unstable, her eyes shaky as she wraps her legs around you as well. Wet squelches become even louder as her moans also do the same, leaving you with no choice but to kiss her yet again. It’s a shame that you have to do so because you want the whole world to know just how much Miyawaki Sakura loves your cock (she’d loudly proclaim it to the world if she could). But you unfortunately don’t have the luxury so after a few more thrusts, she tightens deliciously around you as she arches her back which allows her body to press against yours yet again. Her moans vibrate in your mouth as tears from pure pleasure flows down her pretty eyes. Her juices flood the marble countertop as you continue to fuck her through her orgasm. Her walls constrict around your dick so tightly but you held on, you wanted to hold on because you’re not done yet.

Even in the aftermath, her otherworldly visual never falters. In fact, she looks even more ethereal in the afterglow of sex. The way her skin glows because of the intense light behind her, the way her lips slightly part as she tries to catch her breath, the way her eyes slowly start to gain focus on her surroundings once again. She truly is one of the most beautiful women in the world. “I really missed your dick so much….” You resort to kissing her as you help her come down from her orgasm, hands fixing her disheveled hair while lazy hands roam her sweaty body. The make out session lasts for a few minutes and Sakura smiles as she pulls away, “Now it’s your turn. Take me how you want, baby.”

You do just that, pulling yourself out of her pussy before turning her over the counter and bending her over. This allows you the opportunity to view her perfectly shaped ass and her freshly-fucked pussy that is still sopping wet despite one orgasm down the drain. But the ultimate reason is that you are able to watch her facial expressions while you fuck her thanks to the mirrors. No more foreplay needed, you insert yourself inside her cunt yet again. Her face immediately contorts in pleasure as you grab on to her hips and begin to thrust at a frantic pace. Grab on her tits and pull her upright so that her back leans on your chest, increasing your pace as you pepper her neck and shoulders with kisses. If she was beautiful earlier, she looks even more stunning now. Eyes closed and mouth hanging open as each thrust reverberates throughout her body, it’s a sight hotter than you even imagined and it’s only a matter of time before you finally explode considering that you’ve been on the verge of orgasm twice now. “K-Kkura I’m gonna fucking cum.”

“It’s okay baby.” She gives you a nod, placing a kiss on your lips as she gently squeezes your biceps. “It’s my safe day today, please cum inside me please.” Those desperate eyes of hers are your weakness and her next few words are what finally causes your undoing. “I want to feel your cum flooding me please, breed me.” You have to kiss her to muffle your groans as you completely unload inside her, spurting thick shot after thick shot of semen inside her walls as your vision completely goes white. Two weeks worth of cum is unloaded inside her all at once, and it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever stop cumming. Each thrust is accompanied by a shot of your cum and you make sure that it’s embedded deep within her. You eventually slow down, your hips rutting as you lean over to rest your head on her shoulder after you've completely drained your balls inside her. Take a look at both of your reflections on the mirror; you both look tired, aching, sweaty, but so damn satisfied. That might be your best sex with her yet and she seems to agree with the way she looks at you in awe. She turns her head, smiling as she gives you one final kiss.

“I love you, Kkura-chan.”

“I love you too, ba–“

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Kkura unnie, we’re leaving in 10 minutes!” That familiar voice can only belong to Kazuha, and you two are suddenly reminded of the fact that you are not in your apartment but are instead in her dressing room. You two quickly clean up the place and get dressed up, hoping that the room doesn’t reek of sex by the time you two leave. She sprays her perfume to mask the scent and you give her one quick kiss before putting on your cap and mask, making a quick exit from her dressing room. As you make your way back to the car, she sends you a text.

From: Kkura

“I’ll be at your place tonight, this time I want it in my ass ;).”

#lesserafim smut #sakura smut #miyawaki sakura smut #male reader #kpop smut #kpop fanfic #reader insert #smut

918 notes · View notes

why-animals-do-the-thing · 11 months

Text

Happy National Zookeeper Week!

I’ll admit, I’m feeling a little spicy about it this year (well, every year) because zoos use the celebration for lots of positive facility PR, yet staff don’t often get the support and respect that is claimed in those posts.

So I want to share this great article written by a zoo industry consulting group last year looking at the reality of what happens when a workforce ends up conflicted between their passion (zoos and animals) and pragmatism (paying rent, existing in a capitalist society). They assessed AZA compensation rates by region against things such as a living wage and rental rates in the area. (All text formatting within quotes, such as bold and italics, is original to the article text.)

I cannot give the Canopy Group enough support for the way they framed this research:

“By observing the economics of keeper compensation, it’s no secret that keepers land on the lower end of the wage spectrum. Like all other wages and salaries, the market value of keeper compensation is driven by several economic factors – including the size of the labor pool, the rigor and danger of the work, the technical ability required, and the educational requirements. However, there is one factor that artificially lowers the market value of keeper compensation more than any other: passion.

In this article, we’ll take a look at why passion lowers the market value of animal care worker wages. More importantly, we’ll consider many factors that have emerged in recent years that are making people reevaluate the value of following their passion – a trend contributing to The Great Resignation, especially as it applies to zoos, aquariums, and similar organizations. (…)

The argument here is passion versus pragmatism: the unknown versus the sure thing. It is a decision all zookeepers and animal care technicians have made. Working with animals is immensely rewarding, but this passion is also very popular. This, historically, has meant that the keeper candidate pool is very large. Therefore, if the wage is livable and working conditions are reasonable, the pool should remain large. In a very real sense, a passion for animals drives down the market value of keeper compensation. Anyone who has been through an Economics 101 course will recognize this as a fundamental market principle: supply vs. demand.

However, many zoos and aquariums are having a more difficult time filling positions than normal and have started to see higher turnover rates in recent years. This begs the question – is the current keeper wage too low?”

Their findings?

Here’s their graph of “the median wage of keepers from organizations in different AZA-defined regions” from an AZA survey done in 2021. (Median is the type of average that looks at the middle of a data set’s range).

The median wage for AZA keepers in the South/Southeast was just over $15/hr at the low end, and the median wage for AZA keepers in the Far West / PNW was a little under $26/hr. That’s pretty dang low everywhere, especially when you factor in the increased cost of living in places like the West Coast. Also consider that looking at the median wage doesn’t mean this reflects just entry-level compensation - this data indicates the the compensation middle for all keeper positions, including people who have built their careers as keepers in those places long-term.

Then, they compared those wages to the “living wage” in each region - which they defined as “a calculation of what it takes to live in a particular area, without any other income. A living wage calculation takes into consideration how many earners are in a household, how many children are being supported, etc. The living wage includes the costs of all the basic items a household needs to be self-sufficient.”

“If you receive a wage for a job that is below the living wage, then you are essentially taking a negative net income. This is unsustainable for the long term, and essentially defines where wages start to exploit passion.”

Here’s a figure they provided using the MIT Living Wage Calculator showing the average living wage for each of the AZA regions. The chart on the left shows the living wage for a single person with no kids; the second, for two parents with two incomes and one child to support.

“By comparing the two graphs [to the earlier graph of the AZA median compensation rates], we find that median wages in the Southeast/South and Southwest regions are lower than the living wage for each household configuration in those regions. In other words, if you are a single person household or part of a two-income household raising 1 child in the South, a starting keeper salary will likely leave you with a negative net income. While many people work at this level, it increases the risk of accumulating debt, lowers a person’s ability to afford a home, set a much later retirement age, and can lead to many other negative, long-term effects.”

Big yikes, right?

Next, they looked at living wage vs. compensation for single parents.

“The single-parent living wage exceeds the average keeper wage in all AZA regions. In fact, the living wage required as a single parent is double the average AZA keeper wage in some regions.”

And then they did housing, specifically, being able to purchase a home.

“In many places, even a two-income household at an average keeper salary would not purchase a mid-level home. This means that keepers have to wait far longer than their peers to purchase a home. While paying rent in the meantime, this rent will account for a larger portion of their income than their peers. All in, these effects can set hopeful homeowners back years or decades.”

Canopy’s conclusion was something anyone involved in the field knew was coming.

“Companies like Chipotle, McDonalds, Best Buy, FedEx, Home Depot, Publix, and Walmart are all offering similar starting wages near starting keeper wages – plus many fringe benefits (like tuition reimbursement) and ample advancement opportunities. Many potential keepers in younger generations are putting their passion on the shelf so they can meet basic standard-of-living concerns.

To attract and retain quality candidates, an organization must consider the journey each new employee would have to make over their career. If the journey is fraught with massive debt, decreased disposable income, and limited career opportunities, then you are limiting your potential candidate pool to the small group of people who have decided that following their passion is worth significant lifelong financial hardship. There are many potential candidates out there willing to sacrifice and arm and leg for animals and conservation, but they wouldn’t dare jeopardize the financial future of their dependents and families.”

This is something I’ve heard about for years, and seen first hand. The low average wage at zoological facilities has been damaging their ability to hire and retain skilled staff for as long as I’ve been involved in the industry. I know so many zookeepers who still have roommates into their 30’s, or work multiple jobs, just to be able to make ends meet.

There’s a mythology about zookeeping jobs, a narrative that seeps into the field and actively exploits people’s passion for the job: it tells people that they’re so lucky to be able to work with these rare and cool animals; that they’re greedy and ungrateful when they ask for more compensation because they’re privileged to get to have the job at all. It says that most people would give anything to have these opportunities, so current zookeepers are interchangable and easily replaceable. Ask for too much? Push for a living wage? There’s always someone willing to take your spot. Not all facilities perpetuate this mentality - some places do treat their staff well without intentionally manipulating them to stay them in unsustainable jobs, and there can be legitimate financial reasons that limit staff compensation (mostly at smaller facilities, afaik) - but it’s a reality in the field.

For a long time, this type of mentality towards staff was sustainable. There really were always more people wanting to work in the field. But now, after three years of pandemic stressors and inflation, it’s starting to be a problem. A lot of staff left during the last few years, and facilities are having a really hard time hiring people and retaining them for any duration. I think a large part of that is low compensation rates. People are prioritizing long-term financial stability and recognizing when their passion is being exploited.

When I first started on tumblr back in 2011, there was a whole group of us within the United States who were baby zookeepers or volunteering as industry hopefuls. We all became friends, and I’ve stayed in touch with, or at least aware of, most of them as their careers progressed. Of the 10-15 or so people in that cohort? I can think of three who are still employed in the zoo industry. Everyone else has moved on into other fields - often with great grief over the loss - because of the extreme emotional labor, the physical exhaustion, and the lack of appropriate compensation.

But I guess that annual pizza party, being featured on social media, and maybe getting additional snacks all week makes up for it all?

#national zookeeper week #zoo industry #living wage #compensation #please support your local zookeeper #AZA accreditation #AZA zoos #zoos

554 notes · View notes

cupcakeinat0r · 5 months

Text

Broadway Baby ch. 1

Pairing: Miguel O’hara x Fem!reader

Summary: Reader is a broadway performer in Nueva York. You’re a rising star. One morning, during a rehearsal, you stumble upon an unexpected, yet highly welcomed visitor.

Warnings: SFW? This is a plot building chapter, srry <3 Insinuations of masturbation toward end tho!!!

Tags: Sugar Daddy AU, Miguel is a filthy rich single dilf (girl dinner), Age Gap fo sho (20 + 32), reader is a Latina (written by a Latina), Gabriella is his daughter in this one, soft n happy Miguel bc ion do that trauma mess. He only knows happiness and peace in my mind palace<3

Word count: 4.4k

Ch. 2

Nueva York.

The city that never sleeps.

You moved here when you were just 18, with a suitcase and big dreams.

It would’ve been when you were 14, your parents had taken you to the big city to watch a musical on Broadway. It was that faithful night you realized your calling. That moment changed the entire trajectory of your life.

You fell in love with it. The music, the lights, the sets, the performance of it all. It was pure magic. You were entranced from the first note of the overture to the very last bow of the lead player.

There was just one problem: you had the confidence of a chicken nugget.

Since the womb, you’d been a very quiet child, extremely soft spoken when acknowledged, so when you told your parents your dream occupation, they were a bit skeptical. Nonetheless, they were both extremely supportive, especially after that one night when your mom overheard some singing in your shower.

She had been in your room, collecting dirty laundry when she heard a beautiful melody coming from your bathroom. Curious as to what song it was, she pressed the shell of her ear against the door. Still not able to hear the lyrics exactly, she cracked open the door, looking around for a speaker, only to find none. It clicked. It wasn’t some blue-tooth equipped music, but her daughter’s voice. Your voice. You’d been singing the songs from the show they took you to. Her jaw fell open. Never had she heard you produce such beautiful sounds. She made sure not to make her presence known since she knew if she did, you’d surely stop vocalizing out of embarrassment.

You were signed up for voice lessons immediately.

Ever since then, you’d been training, dance and acting classes following shortly after that. It became clear that your talent was a blessing from above after hearing teacher after teacher praising about your prodigious abilities.

4 hard working years later, you decided to spread your wings, kiss mom and dad goodbye, and start your career. A small apartment in Nueva York became home. It was lacking a good AC system and the floors were creaky, but it was an affordable start.

It’s been another 2 years since moving to Nueva York. Each phone call home, your parents are delighted to hear about your accomplishments, happy to hear that you’re in a steady place on your path to stardom. You’ve been in a few shows now, landing supporting roles, featured dancing gigs, and so on… but you’ve yet to land that big lead. Your big break. It’ll come though. Patience.

Raw talent could only get you so far in this business. The only thing that seems to matter nowadays is connections and nepotism. You had to stop cowering in your shell and start networking yourself somehow. It was difficult, being the introvert that you were. If only the persona you embodied on the stage carried over into your every day life. When you’re on stage, you’re a complete different person; almost a character. That’s why you loved doing what you did so much. You felt comfortable on that stage, free to be whoever you wanted to be. It was your sanctuary.

Life in the arts was never safe or secure, and you knew that when you decided to sell your soul to this industry. Despite the endless auditions (rejections) and multiple part-time jobs, you loved your life. You loved being an actress in Nueva York. It gave main-character vibes. You had a part-time job as a waitress downtown during the day, and at night, you’d switch out your apron for a costume that didn’t leave much for imagination. You were currently a featured dancer and supporting character in the city’s most popular musical. You’d remind yourself that many aspiring actors would commit heinous crimes to be in a similar place in their careers as yours. It wasn’t no starring role, but hey, it was something.

Life was good. You were happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was just another day, alike all the others on the 2nd year of your 3-year contract in the Musical you were in. It was simple really:

You wake up, do your day time skin care routine, warm-up your voice, brush teeth, put your apron on for the Stardust diner, wait a few tables from 9-5, your house call was at 5:30 so you’d take the train and show up at 5:25, stretched, warmed-up your voice some more, and be ready in the wings by curtain call.

This was the part you looked forward to every day. That minute you stand behind those velvety curtains, heels and exaggerated lashes and all. The sticky residue of the tape that keeps your mic attached to your neck. The sparkles on your body that never seems to come off, even though you shower after every show. The astronomical amount of hairspray that you’d have to brush through when you got home. You loved it all.

When those curtains opened, a new person was born. Ingrained into the crevices of your brain, the muscle memory within your body would perform the dance moves you’ve been repeating for 7 nights in a row for 2 years.

And you’d deliver the same lines you always delivered ( and ate all of them like you always did), and your voice, like an angel. You sang your heart out, the applause fueling your energy and nourishing your soul (and maybe even your ego).

The beauty of live theater is that every show is different. One of the many aspects you loved about it included the audience members; each night, the crowd was different. Today, in particular, there was a young girl in the front row, sitting right in front of where you were dancing. She looked up at you in the same way you looked at those actors all those years ago, with that same awe in her eyes. Noticing her, you flashed her a wink and a smile while performing. You even managed a small wave, which granted an excited expression from her. The little girl, practically bouncing in her seat, then looked up to the large, dark figure sitting next to her, enthusiastically pulling on the black jacket of what seems to be her guardian. “The pretty lady waved at me!” is what her lips read.

This was a normal occurrence for you. You made it a priority to at least engage with some of the youth in the audience if you happened to pass by any. It was for them you performed, after all. It was always so endearing seeing their cute little reactions to the show.

This time was a little more special, though. She reminded you of yourself when you were that age. Down to the tan skin, brown eyes, and dark hair, pulled into a tight ponytail.

You felt this connection to her. It was inexplainable. In one of the dance numbers, you sort of gravitated around that relative area in front of her, interacting with her. You made that girl so happy. This was a night she’d never forget.

With the show coming to a close, you take your final bow for what seems like the millionth time, but it never ceases to feel like the first.

Curtains close, the cast comes together, and you all rejoice in another victorious performance.

You all retreat back to your dressing rooms, hastily wiping off make up, the stripping of fishnets and jazz shoes taking up majority of the already small dressing room.

It wasn’t abnormal for people to come up to you after the show and congratulate you on such a successful portrayal. Sometimes, though, it could be a lot. Sometimes, you just wanted to go home and body slam your twin bed. Not tonight, though. Standing yay high in a line of audience members awaiting autographs was the little girl. When both of your eyes met, your face instantly brightened, hers twice as much. She jumped up and down, again tugging at the towering figure’s jacket, exclaiming, “Look, papa! It’s her! It’s her!”, and you followed the direction of the adorable juvenile voice with a wide smile.

You walked up to her and knelt down to her level, speaking with a voice that could be compared to that of a Disney princess. As you approach the precious young girl, your maternal instincts slowly kick in. You couldn’t help it; you loved engaging with the kids.

“Oh, I remember you! You’re the pretty girl sitting in the front row! Did you enjoy the show?” You ask with a friendly smile. The girl looks at you all starstruck, her cute smile reaching from ear to ear as you tell her you remember her. “H-hi! I loved it! You were really good!” She professes, her dimples adorning her face. “Can I have an autograph?” She asked shyly, presenting the playbill that the ushers hand out to the audience and a pen. Just when you’re about to happily oblige, you see a hand reach down to her shoulder, followed by a low, soft voice,

“That’s not how we ask, mi Vida.”

Your eyes begin a path from the strong hand that rests on the little girl’s shoulder, up a Herculean arm clothed in what looks like black cashmere (it was cold out), next were his broad shoulders, preceding a sharp jaw and the most plump, dark pair of lips you’d ever lay eyes on, across a tanned, sculpted face, until you got to those deep brown, almost crimson eyes. You stared for a little too long, only managing a smile and a soft chuckle, a combo that you’ve practiced in the mirror countless of times in case an agent wanted to make their presence known.

The man looked like a model. Couldn’t have been over his early 30’s, easily standing over 6 feet tall, and from the looks of it, took very good care of his body. He was covered in a black trench coat, more black, yet much more fitted clothing worn under, but you could tell he was hiding massive muscles under it all. You just knew it. The man was freakishly huge, towering over the both of you, making you feel small especially since you were on your knees. His luscious dark hair was slicked back, a hint of greying on the sides, and one strand detached from the rest, falling down his forehead.

“Oh, sorry, papa. May I have an autograph, please?” She corrected herself, holding out the playbill and marker further out. You looked back down at her again, regaining your composure. Taking that she just called him ‘papa’, you assumed he must’ve had a mrs waiting back home, so you clocked this as an admire-from-afar situation. You tried to steal a glance at his hands to see if maybe there was a ring, but he was wearing gloves. Womp Womp. Oh well, whatever, back to the adorable girl in front me, you think.

“Of course you can, beautiful!” You exclaim, accepting the playbill and pen from her. You speak as you write your signature and a short note, “so what’s your name, mama?” (‘Mama’ can be a way of referring to someone younger than you). She looks at you with amazement as you’re focused on writing on the cast list page of the playbill, “My name is Gabriella”, she responds, to which you say, “What a gorgeous name! My name is y/n. How old are you Gabriella?” She seems to be so shocked that you, the coolest person she’s ever seen, wanted to have a conversation with her. “I’m six! I’ll be seven in seven days!” She says proudly. “Oh, such a big girl you are! Happy early birthday! What‘s your favorite thing to do, Gabriella?” You ask her as you finish the note, closing it and letting it sit in your hand as you focus on her now.

She visibly thinks hard, pursing her lips as she comes up with an answer. “Hmm… I really like to draw. I also like to play outside when I leave school and-and…” she twiddles her fingers as she adds,” -and I love to dance! Me and my papa dance at home a lot! You’re a way better dancer than him!” She giggles, looking up at him with a playful grin. He looks down at her with a loving smile, letting a velvety chuckle slip from his lips, allowing a perfect view of his dreamy smile. You could tell the two shared a beautiful relationship. He looked at her like she was his whole world, his hand caressing the top of her head affectionately. This little girl had this big strong man wrapped around her tiny finger, and you softened at the sight. He was probably an amazing dad… Jesus, who ever is sitting at home waiting for him really has scored the jackpot. Lucky.

“Aw, that sounds like fun! And as for your father, it just takes lots of practice, that’s all, mamita. As a matter of fact, I practiced for six years!” I say, holding out six fingers as I say it. She gasps at this fact about your training, her eyes wide. “Six years?! That’s like, forever!” She says. “Do I have to practice for six years to be good like you?” She inquires, her brows raised, waiting for your educated and professional answer. You carefully think of an answer, knowing anything you say could forever stay with this sweet girl. Words that you feel you would’ve appreciated at her age came to your mind, “Well, Gabriella, that’s hard to say. Time is different for everyone. The best thing to do when you want to follow your dreams is to simply be the best version of yourself. No need to copy anyone else. If you do that, you can absolutely do anything your lil heart desires, okay?” You finish, nodding your head, awaiting her confirmation.

You don’t notice, but her dad is watching the two of you interact, and he simply smiles at the exchange. He could tell you had a way with kids. He studied the way you spoke, the way you smiled at her, both being so genuine. He was entranced by you. He loved how engaging you were. You were truly creating a magical core memory for his daughter, and he was beyond appreciative of that.

Her mother had passed away of cancer when she was only 2, so she never truly got to meet her, or had a maternal figure in her life for that matter, so seeing her interact with this kindhearted actress was nice. Seeing the two of you interact reminded him of how important it was for Gabriella to have a female figure in her life. There was no doubt that you were a drop dead gorgeous woman as well, and by the accent he picked up on, it was evident that you were of Latin descent. You had that natural motherly charm to your essence. He was captivated by your presence on the stage already, but now that he was up close with you, he was beginning to feel like a high school boy with a crush. Stunning? Talented? A Latina? AND Gabriella was crazy about her? It had him thinking for sure.

Gabriella absorbs your words like a sponge, clinging on to every syllable. She smiles at you, breaking out in a fit of precious giggles. “Okay!” And with that, you give her playbill back, as well as her pen.

“Take a picture with her, sweetie.” You hear the mysterious, definitely-not-on-the-market dilf say. Gabriella nods eagerly with a, “ohmigosh, yes!”, and you reply with a warm, “definitely! How would you like to pose? Is this okay for you, mama?” You ask her, your hands hovering over her shoulders as she stands in front of you. You didn’t want to touch her unless she gave you an ‘ok’. Once she nods, you gently place your hands on her shoulders, still kneeling on one knee as you smile for the phone her dad was holding. You lower your face down to be next to hers. In the couple of seconds you sat there frozen for the picture, you could’ve sworn her dad had looked you up and down, his eyes stuck on your butt, but you decide to dismiss it. He might’ve just been making sure you were in the frame, is all.

Let’s be real for a second, the photo wasn’t for the record of Gabriella’s memories more than it was for her father’s own indulgence. He was totally thinking about looking back at this picture later and gush about your looks.

Gabriella turns around and asks one more question. “C-can we hug?” She asks timidly. You visibly melt at the request, “Aw, yes, of course we can, mamita!”, she quickly wraps her tiny little arms around you, and yours around her, “Thank you so much for coming to the show! I’m so happy you enjoyed it!” You say, her face still nuzzled into the softness of your sweater as you caress her tiny ponytail. When she pulls away, she only smiles, looking up at you like you were a fairy princess out of a storybook and a unicorn was gonna pull up and carry you away.

“What do we say, mija?” The beautiful man said.

“Thank you, y/n!” She sweetly adds.

You stand now, smiling down at her with your hand gently lifting her chin,“Remember, mama, you can do anything. Don’t let anyone tell you different, okay?” The cutie patootie nods, her smile still plastered on her face and her now signed playbill held tightly to her chest. “Okay. Have a goodnight, Gabriella,” you stand up straight now, your face only reaching up to the chest of her dad, giving him a warm smile as you try to maintain casual eye contact with the Greek god in front of you. Even now that you’re standing, he still towers over you. Lord have mercy, this man was makin you nervous in all the good ways. Thank God you knew how to act. “Thank you so much for coming to the show!“

The man looked down at you and flashed you a dashing smile in return, his gaze narrow yet soft. He then had the audacity to throw in a wink, opening his mouth to say, “No, no, thank you for a wonderful performance. You were absolutely breathtaking.” His gaze was borderline flirtatious, a blush creeping up on your cheeks, but you had to stay professional. Besides, he was totally married already. This was a simple, friendly compliment, one of hundreds you heard each night.

You look down at the floor for a second, in efforts to cover any blushing, a humble wave of your hand leading your reply, “Aw, I really appreciate that. You’re too kind, Thank you! You two get home safe now, I’d hate for either of you to get a cold!” You say, closing the conversation. You wave at the both of them, Gabriella waving the hardest of the three. Her father, on the other hand, seemed like he was distracted by you, not realizing his daughter was yanking on his coat to leave. The dad quickly snaps back to reality and says goodnight to you, and they make their way into the bustling street.

As you’re about to tend to other autographs, you can’t help but overhear Gabriella talk to her father as they leave. You could’ve sworn Gabriella’s words were, “Papa, were you making googly eyes at y/n?” To which her father replied with a chuckle and, “What? That’s silly, mi vida, now look where you’re going and hold onto my hand, por favor”, he said, brushing off her question. “She’s very pretty.” “Yes, she is, isn’t she?” He admits. That was the last of the conversation you heard. You found yourself smiling, internally celebrating because this fine ass man finds you pretty. Too bad he’s taken…right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After signing a few playbills and posters and bidding a farewell to some other audience members, you made your way back to the little studio apartment you called home, instantly beginning to knock out the second your head hit the pillow.

Before falling asleep, thoughts of the mystery man filled your mind, recollecting that chiseled jaw, those soft lips, muscles begging to break free from his button down dress shirt. His deep silky voice rang in your head, doing the opposite of lulling you to sleep. Your mind starting settling in the gutter, imagining that deep voice saying sweet yet disgusting things in your ear and those large, calloused hands removing your underwear instead of your own dainty hands. You can imagine his huge body just completely enveloping yours on the bed, him on top, and those soft lips planting wet, lazy kisses along your neck and other much more sensitive places. It was creating a heat within your core, your thighs shamefully pressing against each other to help relieve a growing tension that crept up from a single thought of his intense gaze; those eyes that could make your inexperienced self burst within seconds. You liked to think he’d talk you through it, only igniting the fire in between your legs even more.

Am I seriously fantasizing about a man I exchanged like 3 words with right now? You say to yourself. I don’t even know his name.

He was just so goddamn FIONE.

You’ve had your fair share of attractive men in the city. It’s Nueva York. And you worked in the performance industry. You were bound to see a 10/10 or two. But this guy… This man would’ve made you drool had you not had an adorable munchkin there to distract you. This man was a 10000/10. He had you contemplating whether or not you were gonna slip a hand into your panties tonight he was that good looking.

You were a virgin. You had spent half your life devoting it to the arts and your craft, so much so that you never got to the whole dating thing. You almost completely forgot about that part of the thing called ‘social life’. All you knew was practice, eat, workout, repeat. The opportunity definitely has presented itself, but you’ve declined because:

A) You weren’t ready to share yourself with someone. You wanted to focus on your career. Or

B) The man wasn’t up to your standards. You couldn’t be with someone unless you saw a future with them. You never really understood hook up culture. You could care less if other people preferred it, it just wasn’t your style.

So here you were, in bed, a hesitant hand slowly making its way to the now wet spot of your panties. You can’t remember the last time you let loose like this…

Yea, you gave in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, you didn’t have your 9-5, however, you were called to perform both the matinee and late night show. You showed up early to the house, stretching and warming up along with the rest of the cast.

Already in your own head space as you meditate in a child’s pose, you start picking up some whispering amongst your costars. You lift your head, opening your eyes to eavesdrop.

“Did you hear about the donation this morning? A whopping $10k. I wonder who was it!” One of them says. Another one notices your attention and includes you in the conversation.

“Y/n, do you know about it?” but you only shrug, this being the first you’ve heard about it.

Another one chimes in, “heard it’s a hella loaded guy from Alchemax… he’s like a CEO or something-“ “Alchemax? As in the Laboratory? What’s a science nerd want with a theater troupe?” “Well doesn’t matter, what matters is we can finally update our sets and costumes, hallelujah.”

Your eyes dart from one cast mate to another as more information and whispers flood the stage.

Another one, who’s currently in a middle split, interjects, “Y’all do realize this means he gets a part of the house, right? He’s basically a producer at this point.”

“I thought it was just a donation-“ “the directors thought so, too, but then I overheard them discussing business plans. He wants in for sure, why? Have no idea. Total eye candy, though.” “Well, it might be good for us to have a businessman on our side-“

“Good morning, everyone!” Everyone looks over to your bright eyed and bushy tailed director. How can someone be this energetic at this waking hour?

“I don’t mean to interrupt your mingling, but I do bring some stellar news. I want to introduce ya’ll to our new patron of the house!” They say, and next to them appears a familiar tall, dark, and handsome figure adorned in a white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows and jeans; A man that you remember inappropriately touching yourself to the night before. You inwardly thanked him for blessing you with a better view of the outline of his body: those broad shoulders sloping into the sluttiest waist ever to be found on a man. You had to physically hold back moan from the sight.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Miguel O’Hara.”

You’re gagged. The gorgeous man that thought you were pretty last night was the CEO of Alchemax, and he just became a partner of your theatre. The sudden realization that he’ll be around regularly tied knots in your stomach, but the good kind.

“Now I want you all to make him feel welcomed. He basically just opened his wallet wide open for us, so this show better be flawless.“ your director reprimands, as if y’all aren’t the city’s finest performers already. People around the world came to see you guys.

“Oh, don’t be so harsh on them, the main reason why I donated in the first place was because of the raw talent you have here,” his eyes fell on you when he says this. His voice pierced through the air like a hot knife on butter, his slight accent adding a bit of heat that sent everyone’s heart fluttering. You fought back a blush once again, looking down at the floor due to his powerful gaze. He smiles at your reaction, “It’ll be a pleasure working with all of you. Now, I know it might be strange, seeing that a scientist has just partnered with your house, but please, don’t let my line of work mislead you; I’m a lover of the arts and… all things beautiful.” His eyes once again fall on you for those last few words with that same narrow yet easy gaze. His smirk alone could make you swoon. He had creases that accentuated his brow lines and cheekbones that only added that much more suave to his look. Could be from the surely scowl he constantly held at his work. To the majority, this would just been seen as a sign of aging, but to you, it was hot.

“I look forward to our partnership. Break legs.” And with this he turns and walks away, stealing one last look at you before he’s out of sight. I’d rather you break my back. Your eyes shamelessly follow him, admiring that tight ass in those jeans of his. Dios mio, you think, biting your lip.

You know, for a virgin, you had the mind of a whore.

You couldn’t believe it. Your cast mate next to you could, though, as they shot you a knowing look, to which you nudged them embarrassingly.

“Seems like our hot new patron likes you, y/n.”

“Stop it!” You rebut along with a roll of your eyes, your friend stifling a laugh. You were in denial. You’d be lying if you said you disagreed. The man was definitely eyeing you, and now you were a flustered mess. However, now that he wasn’t wearing gloves, you can confidently say you don’t remember seeing a ring…

bingo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope u wike it <3

Enjoy this appetizer, more to cum<3

Mwah<3

291 notes · View notes

raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 month

Note

Can I ask why you don’t like Vil much? If you haven’t answered that already?

For me, I also didn’t like him at first but loving Rook has turned me into a Vil lover 😭.

[Referencing this tier list!]

A significant part of it is no fault of Vil's own, it's just... I have a very strong aversion to celebrity characters. This dislike scales up the more famous that celebrity character is + how much attention is brought to their status, and well... Y'all know perfectly well how famous Vil is 🤡 This is why I also dislike his father to some degree, though it's to a lesser extent because I at least appreciate Eric being involved in his son’s life + find Eric to be friendly.

Celebrity characters tend to make me feel deeply uncomfortable chiefly because their careers put them in a position where they're ripe for parasocialism (which is when one party, ie their fans, extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, ie the object of their affection, is completely unaware of the other's existence). Parasocialism in of itself is not a negative thing by default; it can, in fact, be a powerful motivator to improve oneself or can significantly lift one's mood. Some sectors entirely rely on parasocialism to function (such as the "influencing" industry).

Where it starts to get iffy for me is when we veer into the most parasocial of fans who will take extreme actions to support and/or hate on an individual. These are your stalkers, your sasaeng fans, etc. While I'm aware that these are the vocal minority of a celebrity's fanbases, the kinds of things these extremely parasocial fans pull off deeply unnerves me. Like Vil, the celebrities involved are by no means at fault—but they’re always “tainted” in my mind by the association due to the sheer magnitude of what their most crazed fans do in their name 💀 So when I think of that celebrity… I also think of the insane stuff they have to deal with from their fans and that stresses me out.

I find the whole “celebrity worship” culture in of itself very odd. It’s difficult for me to form an attachment to a real person that doesn’t or cannot reciprocate. By extension, it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around activities like following the celebrity’s life closely, supporting any and all projects due to their involvement alone, and collecting merch/signatures. Thinking of Vil’s fans doing this… (or, as seen in the Tapis Rouge event, getting emotional/shrieking for him, begging for a glance, fainting, etc.) it invokes those feelings of discomfort again.

Finally (regarding the celebrity thing), Vil and other famous people tend to be in the spotlight. I don’t really like this sort of a presentation; it calls too much attention to them. This runs counter to the types of characters I tend to gun for: the schemers who operate from the shadows, typically appearing innocuous or humble at first glance. These characters stay out of the spotlight and prefer it that way, as it allows them more freedoms to enact their plots. Celebrities’ positions don’t really allow for that. Even if their off-camera persona is completely different than their on-camera one, the attention they’re showered with never seems to fade.

I also find Vil’s entire presence way too intense (even when he’s lined up next to arguably much more physically imposing students like the 180 cm+ squad or any muscular character). This is why I can tolerate Neige but dislike Vil; Neige comes off as innocent and approachable—so much so that I don’t even register him as an idol or a celebrity in my mind. He’s just a cute boy-next-door type inviting me to dance and sing with him and his friends!

Vil’s hair, makeup, tall heels, the need for perfection, his sternness. It’s a LOT to take in. I can admire the confidence and the tenacity with which Vil pursues beauty, but at the same time… it can come off as super overwhelming. I don’t think I could comfortably breathe in the same space as him without feeling like I’ve offended his sensibilities 😅 Sometimes I get a little anxious just reading him scolding others; it feels like he’s reaching through the screen and scolding me too. I get the overwhelming vibes even through the things Vil creates or commissions; the composition and choreography of Absolutely Beautiful was so oppressive and centered on winning that I disassociated from my own school’s team 💀

Some other minor, miscellaneous gripes I have with Vil:

I don’t generally have a problem with Vil’s leadership or how he guides/teaches others. (His behavior is very similar to what I’ve experienced within my own culture’s upbringing.) However, I do not approve of all of his methods and I do think he does “too much” at times + oversteps, making me feel uneasy.

His tastes don’t really match mine! It’s a little too “glam”, especially the ensembles with heavy smoky eyes.

What’s with him dying the ends of his hair that color… It makes me think of him dunking his head in grape Kool-aid as a dye 😭/j

There we are ^^ I hope that explanation was sufficient!! I tried to explain my… admittedly complex feelings behind my dislike of Vil as neatly as I could. Nothing against the guy, how he is written, or his fans (both in-universe and irl), of course!! This is just my opinion.

#twisted wonderland #twst #Vil Schoenheit #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #notes from the writing raven #question

94 notes · View notes

redbatchedcumbermayned · 6 days

Text

It all started under a duvet held up by an oar

Not so long ago I emailed Chris Tester, the voice of Heinrix van Calox in Owlcat’s recently released CRPG Rogue Trader, and asked if he would like to sit for an interview with me. Having some experience in interviewing people I like, most famously Oscar winner and all-around sweetheart Eddie Redmayne, this was not a completely nerve-wracking endeavour. And within a day of sending my email, Chris said yes. And what a pleasure it was interviewing him: Chris was so generous with his time, that the agreed upon 30 minutes turned into 50 minutes as we brushed upon many topics from his start as a theatre actor to his first voice-over role in a video game to his recently discovered hobby of playing D&D. Of course, we also spoke about all things Warhammer 40k, his new found fame brought on by voicing Heinrix and the insights he could share about the character.

I will publish this interview in three parts over the next week in text form and with the accompanying audio file (the audio quality is not spectacular but tumblr limits uploads to 10MB). If you quote or reshare, please quote me as the original source.

Link to part 2

Fran: Thank you very much for taking your time.

Chris Tester: That's no problem. No problem at all.

F: So then let's start. You graduated in 2008.

CT: I did. Yes.

F: You started out as a stage actor. Did you always want to become a stage actor or an actor in general? Tell us a bit about your career.

CT: I always wanted to be a stage actor. Yes, as soon as I knew that I wanted to be an actor, which probably wasn't until I was a teenager. But yeah, my first passion was always the stage, and that was kind of borne out in my career. I would have been open to TV and film of course, if it had come along, I'm a huge fan of TV and film as well, but I never got an audition for any TV or film work.

I think I literally did about three short films in my 10, 12 years of actually professionally acting, and it is one of those industries where the more you do of one thing, the more you seem to find yourself doing the same thing to a degree. So yes, watching Shakespeare from an early age was one of my first passions.

And that was what first planted the seed of wanting to do it myself. The whole aspect of live performance is still something that I'm very passionate about. Up until 2020, when the world changed, I was trying to do two or three theatre shows a year, but since 2020, I haven't been near a stage and I doubt right now, especially with the way that the UK theatre scene is going, that I'm going to be back on stage anytime soon. I am resigned to that, but at some point in my career, I know I will be on stage again, because I can't live without it, but only for the right thing, both financially, but more importantly, creatively.

F: Your production company is currently on hiatus?

CT: I was the producer of a theatre company, which was run and was the baby of the director of the company, a guy called Ross Armstrong, who's one of the most talented writers and directors that I've ever worked with. I was helping out with a lot of the administration stuff so that he could still put me in plays. Instead of creating my own work because I'm not a very good writer or the best writer in the world, I support those people who will write me good parts. So yes, it is currently on hiatus, but never say never, we would always be looking to get back. It's difficult right now. It's difficult for all of us, because arts council subsidy, that way of being able to fund stuff, is drying up. We were doing a national tour of the UK when we were doing that [with the support of a subsidy]. There's even less money, there's even more people. I won't bore you with anything more than that, but it's kind of tough. We'd like to come back, but in the right way, and that's tricky to negotiate.

F: It's always hard as a stage actor to earn a living.

CT: Well, I've been spoiled by voice-over as well, and whereas when I was in my 20s and 30s then you're all about your art. And of course, I'm still all about my art, but I'm also about my wife and my cat and the mortgage and the bills and wanting to have nicer things to a degree as well. I've come to terms with that and voice-over does facilitate that as well as it opens you up to different roles and working with different people. So, I can't complain.

F: It's quite similar with making a living as a writer, because with a steady income you get used to a certain standard of living and once you have obligations and bills to pay, I think the stress on your mental health being creative and having all the stresses of regular life thrust upon you brings with it a challenge.

CT: It's a cliche we can very easily fall into: if I'm suffering, then it means I'm an artist. And that's not necessarily very true. It very often means that the art that we create only reflects one aspect of our lives, and it's usually a very tortured one. I am also about having wider experiences and broadening myself out. Whereas I think when I was in my twenties, I was thinking a bit more like: Oh, I'll experience the world and life through my art and just purely through my art. Whereas now necessarily I need to have a life outside of it as well, and then I can justify like I have the life so that I can feed my art or not, whatever. You know, I'll be a better artist by having a bit of a life outside of it. Maybe.

F: But that's what your twenties are for.

CT: Yeah, indeed.

F: Doing the crazy stuff, doing the band stuff

CT: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, there was certainly an aspect of that in my twenties.

F: So, what brought you to voice acting or voice-over work initially?

CT: Money. Video game stuff is kind of sexy and cool, and I'm a gamer, so that's important. Before I was a video gamer, I was a board gamer and off the back of that, I was a voracious video gamer, partly because I wasn't very good at team sports at school. I was always the person who was picked last in the football team. So that becomes part of your identity for better or worse. But video games, I was pretty good at, not amazing, but I was pretty good at, and I enjoyed it. And it gave me a different form of escapism as well, and off the back of that I always had an interest in them.

So, the very first voiceover job was a video game: Dark Souls, which is quite a big franchise. At that time, I was your very typically jobbing actor. My acting agent came in and said: I got something for you. And so, I went in with that. But it was only in 2016, 2017 that I realised it was something that you could actually do yourself. People had recording studios at home and they were contacting people directly, not just going through agents. Because I'd basically written to the same 20 voice agents in the UK, mainly in London for like eight years in a row and not received anything. So, you keep knocking on those doors hoping.

Before I'd even graduated from drama school, I'd burnt a CD and made these cases with my headshot on it and sent them all off at what at the time felt like great personal expense and didn't get anything for eight years in a row. So, I was a bit like, I'm obviously doing something wrong, but I don't really know what, because I'm doing these workshops and getting good feedback. Then I found out through a couple of online courses, that there were ways and means of doing it myself, and that was a bit of a game changer for me, and within six months of having started, I was earning more through voice work than the bar job and the box office job that I was doing combined. Within six months, I was kind of like: “I gotta quit because I'm actually holding myself back from things.” So that was quite a big shift.

F: Somewhere you said, you started out under a duvet and with an oar.

CT: Yeah. On my website, I do have an image of it. [Dear reader, I could not locate this elusive photo] I literally had to take the duvet off my bed and put it into the living room, which was the quietest space in my then shared flat. I also had to wait until after one flat mate had watched TV and another one had used the table that had their washing on it. One of my flat mates had stolen an oar from some night out and that was perfect in order to be able to erect it over my head and the duvet as a frame.

I did probably the first four or five months of voice recording like that. Probably about 10, 15 voiceover jobs that I actually got paid for, I was using that because it worked well enough. Since then, I've gone through various different iterations of a setup in the bedroom, to a setup in the hallway, to my current setup. In 2020 we moved to our first house, and this is the spare bedroom which I've had converted into a studio, which means my cat can be here asleep on me or near me getting fur everywhere, but it's fine. I can thrash around and I've got natural light to work in at the same time, which I find quite important. [Pictured below Chris' current setup.]

F: Very pretty. That's good. Guide us through a typical day of yours, if you like.

CT: Oh, sure. I mean, there is no typical day. And yet, and yet, and yet. A typical day for me is, because I am spending the vast majority of the day sitting in this room or somewhere close to this room, because I may need to record at short notice, because the vast majority of jobs are quite short notice. My priority is exercise for mental health more than anything. I've got some weights at the bottom of the garden, and I will get up first thing, and I will go there and I will do that after breakfast. And that's my minimal routine of physical activity done.

And then I'll come back, and this is so rock and roll. Now what I do is, I spend like an hour on LinkedIn. And that's what you dreamed of as a creative person. Isn't it as an actor? I spend time on LinkedIn regularly every day, because it's a really good networking place for a lot of my types of work, and first thing in the morning, I'm a bit mentally sharper. So that's when I come up with a quick post that may be inspired by a bit of content that I've made elsewhere. That probably takes about 20 minutes and then I spend another 45 minutes to an hour engaging with people and saying hi and introducing myself and asking questions, whether that's with video producers or game developers or documentary makers or pretty much anything and everything. There are a lot of people who are active at that time. And so I do it.

And then after that, if I already have some recording lined up, then I'll prioritise mid-morning, because I've warmed up physically a bit more then, and I'm focused. So, you're going through the scripts, annotating the scripts, recording the scripts, editing the scripts. But then there could be live sessions at any time within that as well. I try to keep hours from nine till six. But occasionally, like with Rogue Trader, that was recorded at various different times of the day because we had people in New York, we had people in mainland Europe, and we had people in the UK. So all different time zones, so that can happen at any time.

And then I try to do other kinds of bits and pieces of marketing whenever I've got free time to. I do use really exciting productivity hacks, like time blocking. Again, not something that as a creative individual, I was like: Oh God, this gets me so excited, because it doesn't, but it works. It's finding a system that works for you, but still has a certain kind of flexibility and fluidity. I'm trying to make sure that I get outside of the house, and that kind of stuff.

Recently, over the last year, I’ve started doing audiobooks as well. That long form type of thing is quite nice to be able to dip into because sometimes you don't record for two, three days. You don't get the work. Nothing’s coming in. So, you’re marketing, but it kind of connects you back to the performance side of things to go: I can do a few chapters and you know, that kind of thing. So that's probably it. I try to formalise it, but you know, every voice actor’s day is radically different. There are people, some of the biggest names, going into different studios every week or every day. I very rarely, despite being based in London, I very rarely go into external studios. Like I would say 99 percent of the work I just do from home.

F: So how do you find the right voice for the specific type of voiceover work you do, maybe start with how did you find Heinrix's voice?

CT: Thankfully, Owlcat sent through quite a detailed casting breakdown. So, you get a picture, and that's pretty crucial, as well as a short bio, in terms of the background of the character, but not too much, because you have to sign an NDA, a non-disclosure agreement. But even if you do sign an NDA, I think developers are always slightly hesitant of giving you too much info about the game because things could still be changed. But I think I did get a picture of Heinrix, if not in the first audition, then certainly on the second one. From that you immediately think about the physicality and what might affect the voice, and there was also some direction in terms of what they were looking for. Anybody who has heard the character and me, they do not sound radically dissimilar. There's not a transformative process that I needed to go through, other than his sense of authority and the space that he takes up and the sureness that he has in that he has a kind of divine right from the emperor, so that level of confidence being brought through.

The other part of the audition was about the void ship [the Black Ship] that he'd been raised in and the horrors that he'd seen. And you as the actor have to do the detective work to go like this is showing another side, the more vulnerable side, the side that underpins all of his life choices up to this point. It's essentially playing the opposite to a degree. So it was kind of knowing when to let those elements bleed through a little bit. I think I had probably about a page worth of scripts, quite a lot of script actually to audition with.

But I don't like to listen back to it a lot, because I think you get into your head. My biggest thing is stage work where it's ephemeral. You say it once and it could be different the next night. The whole point is that there's no one definitive way of doing things. Not quite the same with voice acting, where it's being recorded and you've got to get used to hearing it back. But I try not to overthink it. Just like record it two or three times with different impulses and then review and go like, those two seem pretty contrasting. I'll send those along and hope and then never hear anything back unless I do.

#chris tester #heinrix van calox #rogue trader #warhammer 40k #rouge trader crpg #owlcat games

94 notes · View notes

akookminsupporter · 1 year

Text

Namjoon gave a good interview to Vogue Spain and in it he said a few things that I thought I'd share with those of you who may not understand Spanish.

This was at the end of the article but I want to write it first:

One thing that needs to be made clear about this album is that, no matter how much the rumour mill is trying to spin it, it is by no means the end of the successful band. "Oh, I'm not leaving BTS. Absolutely not. This is the first time I'm launching a solo project like this, so I'm trying to stand up and take my first steps. But I'm ambitious and I have willpower. So I don't want to miss the opportunity to do both. So I will try my best not to lose control and steer these two ships at the same time. A lot of bands split up and fall apart, but I hope that doesn't happen to BTS. I just love the music, I love my job, I love the band members and I love myself. If I can keep both projects going, I think it can be something legendary in the long run".

Other important parts of the article:

"The k-pop industry hasn't stopped growing since we debuted with BTS [in 2013]. It's become a lot more complex and has brought a lot more people into its structures. I think there are a lot of lights, but also some slippery shadows. Many of us started our careers very early as a group: we slept and lived together as teenagers. We became a real family, which is great, but this culture has also affected me a lot, because sometimes I find it difficult to be treated as an adult who has autonomy in his decisions. I'm perceived as just another cog in the crew, in the context of a mass phenomenon",

Did you ever feel like you were getting completely lost in this delirium of success? "I used to think so, but the funny thing is that I am fully aware that it was my own choice to devote myself to the k-pop industry. Nobody pushed me into it. But yes, I have lost myself at times. Although perhaps saying this is an excess of 'self-empathy'. There is no answer. Except that, if k-pop is about recharging the batteries of a mass audience and I'm responsible for doing that recharging, then I have to keep my feet firmly on the ground. As an adult, as a musician and as a human being. And these ten years of my career have helped me define who I am and learn to love myself. But I'm still in that process, you know? All these internal struggles will be recorded on records and videos," he explains.

"Music is really necessary for the world, but, when it comes to my music, sometimes I feel like I'm producing something unnecessary. If I were to die tonight, I don't think anything would change. It might matter to some people for a while, but a farmer or a street sweeper is more relevant to the functioning of society. When I ask myself about the role of our generation in historical terms, when I look at all the digital platforms and communities out there, I am overcome with confusion. There are a lot of people who don't want to think. They have frenetic lives and turn to music or television to escape, so the last thing they want is someone trying to lecture them from a pedestal. In that context, I wonder how I can make my music matter. I haven't found an answer yet, but I keep trying to bring my own perspective to it.

As to whether he is afraid that the army he has on Instagram (42.4 million followers) might one day turn against him for a silly mistake or a blunder, RM answers bluntly. "Yes, it scares me. It scares me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I was younger I tried to come across as a cool guy who doesn't give a shit what other people think, but I don't think that's right anymore. I care about the publicity dimension of my career and the influence I can have on others. It stresses me out, yes, but I think I can handle it. That's why I don't retire or do things like go out and drink the night away and then drive drunk. I'm human, I can make mistakes, but I will do everything in my power to be the best version of myself. One of the keys is to treat this job for what it is: a job. I don't think artists have any special rights or status.

Note: if you would like me to translate another part of the interview, let me know.

#Namjoon #RM #vogue spain #bts #bts solo careers #bts break

604 notes · View notes

guillotinebypierre · 7 months

Text

Y/n POV

*Knock Knock*

"Are you ready, jagi? I just finished preparing all the cameras and the lighting. We're good to go if you are."

I stood in front of the 'dressing room' of the star of the show. It was inside a small trailer set up at the cliff of a hill near Seoul, overlooking the city. It was pretty dark outside, naturally, as it was already night time. The city lights lit up the surrounding area, creating a breathtaking view, and the scenery for todays episode of my girlfriend's show, 'Chuu Can Do It'. Normally we'd have a whole crew with us, but due to this episode being a special (and kinda difficult one to film), they tasked me with doing the filming part alone.

What was once just a small project made to get people to become more environmentally conscious and start helping our planet eventually turned out to be a huge project that helped during very dark times and very annoying lawsuits. I met Jiwoo a little after graduation. My goal was to pursue a career in filmmaking, or really anything where I could use my photography and filmmaking skills.

Jiwoo was a year older than me and a walking ball of sunshine. When I met her, she was starting to become a trainee in order to pursue her dream of becoming a kpop idol. I didn't know much about the industry back then as I mostly listened to western music and didn't really care much about the often foreign concept of Korea's celebrities, but for her I learned about it. I also met the rest of her friends, all 11 of them, and things just kinda evolved from there.

Me and Jiwoo became close friends almost immediately, her happy and extroverted personality starkly contrasting my rather quiet one, yet somehow we completed each other. Opposites really do attract, or whatever that saying says.

I asked her out on a date after we'd been friends for almost a year. It was probably the scariest thing I'd done up to that point, and in retrospect it was really stupid because I didn't even ask about dating bans beforehand, but she was insanely ecstatic about me asking. She jumped on me and became all giddy talking about what she wanted to do for our date.

I've been with her through literally everything, from the highs of her career until the deepest and most depressing moments. She never told me anything about her contract because she thought I'd be worrying too much, but I wasn't blind. I could tell that she wasn't feeling well and the stress was getting to her. This is why I was the first one to encourage her with suing that disgusting company.

On a happier note though, Jiwoo was the one to recommend me to do the filming for all her content. I was the one doing her photos, her group's photoshoots, everywhere I could I helped.

Today I was tasked with helping Jiwoo do an episode on smog and air pollution for her channel. The episode required me to do some basic landscape and sky shots, comparing the air out in the city and in the 'wilderness'. The first portion of it was already finished, seeing as it was needed to be done in the morning. We also filmed an interview with a scientist and were now supposed to also do some shots of the sky during nighttime.

Jiwoo and I also decided to just stargaze after finishing the episode as a small celebration of her and her members winning their lawsuits.

"Yeah just come in for a second, I need your help", her muffled voice came from behind the door.

I walked in and saw her still in her bathrobe and doing her make up.

"What's up, Jiwoo?"

"Sit on the couch, Y/n.", she told me.

I walked over and plopped myself on the small couch in the middle of the trailer.

"*Sigh* I can't believe we actually did it.", she said while tearing up.

I immediately got up and hugged her, letting her cry herself out on my shoulder.

"What do you mean, jagi? Are you talking about winning-"

"Y-Yeah", she cut me off.

It killed me to see her like this. To see my own sun be riddled with sadness. Nobody deserved to go through all the shit she and her members had to go through, especially not her.

"I know, I'm so proud of you girls for doing it and winning that lawsuit. You can't imagine how many idols you're helping by showing that they shouldn't throw away their humanity for random company."

She cried even more, her tears soaking my grey pullover as I just held her and waited for her to calm down.

Jiwoo's cries soon faded and I really thought she had fallen asleep until I heard her voice from my shoulder.

"I- I wanted to thank you, Y/n", she said, her voice slightly cracking

"You've been such a big help throughout all this and with the show and filming, taking photos-"

"Jiwoo you don't have to thank me for anything-"

"But I want too."

Her voice shifted slightly, her teary, breaking voice being replaced by something more playful, something more daring and teasing. She looked up from my shoulder while smiling slightly.

Her smile had always been my weakness, it had always been. It made it easy to trust her, easy to melt into her, easy to feel safe, easy to feel comfortable around her.

Her robe fell to the floor, exposing her nude body, while her hands palmed the outside of my sweatpants, feeling my bulge as I slowly crept back towards the couch. My legs soon hit the welt of the couch as I fell back, Jiwoo falling on top of my lap. Her hands moved around and interlocked behind my neck before pulling my head forwards and smashing our hips together.

Her kiss was delicate, much like her personality. It was deeply soothing, relaxing, even a little nostalgic. It was something raw, something reminiscent of driving through the city of Seoul in the night, something we had done oh so often. The kiss was passionate all the same, it was as if she was finally letting go of all of her pent up emotions, all her pent up frustrations.

Our bodies moved in one fluid motion, complementing each other, completing each other. My hands danced around her naked skin, touching and taking in everything.

We soon separated, both panting for air as a string of saliva connected our lips. I looked at Jiwoo, once again seeing that beautiful smile that made my heart do backflips every time, making me fall harder and harder for her.

Her hands moved and started pulling at my shirt, trying to take it off at an awkward angle. I moved to make it easier for her before she squatted slightly in order for me to slip off my pants and underwear. My erection stood tall and proud, hitting against her bellybutton as I now felt her wet juices coating my thighs. Jiwoo once again pulled my face down and started attacking me again.

Her hips moved in a circular motion, rubbing against me, the friction causing tingles down my spine before she finally stood up slightly and aligned myself with her wet pussy and squatted down.

A familiar sensation spread around my body as all my senses were overwhelmed and shut down. Her body clamped down on my as her upper body held us close, each body part rubbing against each other. Her legs wrapped around my torso as her vagina moulded itself around my dick. My hands moved onto her ass before grabbing it and raising and slamming herself onto my member.

Her legs soon started to spread as her brain couldn't focus on keeping them around me, her mouth opening as lewd noises filled the room we were in. Her head was thrown back as I continued attacking her body with kisses and hickeys. Our skin slapped against each other with each thrust, each time melting us into each other even more.

My body was on fire, my chest rising and falling in rapid succession as if fuelled by a motor as it tried to breathe in all the oxygen I was exerting. My head was also leaning on the backrest of the sofa, groans and moans coming out of me like a symphony of crude noises. My hips pumped myself into my girlfriend, letting go of all the frustration and stress I had as a familiar comfortable burning sensation started boiling inside my stomach.

My thighs were soaked, the wetness creating squelching noises every time Jiwoo landed on me, due to her arousal. My girlfriend's screams grew louder to the point where other campers in the nearby area could probably hear her before she finally hit her high, a high pitched scream coming out of her throat as she hugged me so tight I might have been crushed.

Her pussy tightened around my, creaming on me as it leaked onto my lap, the insides of her milking me as if I were a cow. My stomach felt warner and warner as my own climax neared. I continued fucking her through her high before finally unleashing myself inside her, filling Jiwoo up to the brim while falling over on her.

We both breathed in heavily, desperately trying to catch our breaths. We stayed in that position for a while, just enjoying each other's company before finally getting up and getting dressed.

---

3rd Person POV

The two got out and onto the designated filming area. Y/n quickly took out the necessary equipment, which he had put away before knocking on Jiwoo's door, and started going over the whole filming session with his girlfriend again. He walked over to the lawn chair and started filming.

The sky was beautiful on this side of town, the stars were visible, tempting him to start counting each of them as he started doing the cinematography for the episode.

Time passed and Y/n was about to finish filming before he suddenly felt someone playing around with his pants. His vision shifted quickly, looking down at himself as he was met with the familiar smile of his girlfriend. She simply nodded up, indicating for him to focus on the footage before sliding off his underwear, being hit by his semi hard member.

Her hand wrapped around the base, stroking him a bit until he reached her desired hardness. Jiwoo then continued by sucking on the tip, mixing her saliva with the leaking pre cum as Y/n gathered every ounce of self control he had to keep a steady hand on the camera.

Jiwoo's head bopped up and down as she moved her tongue all around Y/n's dick, trying to suppress any noise that could be heard on the footage. Her cheeks formed an vacuum around her boyfriends cock as she licked from the shaft up to the tip, throating as much as she could before tightening around him.

Y/n tightened his grip on the camera, using whatever little self control he had to not throw it away and give all his attention to the woman on her knees in front of him.

Jiwoo, determined to make him mess up, decided to spice things up and started using both of her hands to jack him off in a twisting motion while also sucking and slurping him off, creating a kind of cycle of pleasure.

This combination almost led to Y/n coming undone right then and there but he still had one trick up his sleeve. He grabbed Jiwoo's head with one arm and pushed her down, making her take every single inch of his length while also silencing her. Her throat tightened around him and gripped every part of his member, subsequently making him climax in a geyser of hot, sticky, liquid that coated her entire oesophagus.

With a shaky hand, Y/n pressed the button on the camera to finish the recording, before putting the camera to the side and exhaling.

Jiwoo stood up, her cheeks puffed, filled with Y/n's cum, before she stood up and gulped, showing her tongue afterwards.

"You're going to get one of us fired one day, you know?"

"As if. Relax, jagi. I don't even have a boss anymore~"

"I just hope nothing was captured by the camera-"

"Relax, Y/n. You can just watch it back later and cut it out or we'll just film again later. Now how about you go put that expensive equipment away and join me back inside? I think our celebration isn't finished yet."

Y/n sighed before standing up and cleaning up while Jiwoo walked back inside their rented trailer.

"It's going to be a long night.", he said before opening the door and locking it.

#kpop fanfic #kpop imagines #kpop smut #kpopfap #idol x male reader #kpop x male reader #x male reader #male reader #loona #chuu loona

170 notes · View notes

heartkyeom · 2 years

Text

fine line

figure skater!joshua hong x f!reader

synopsis: as a joshua fangirl, getting the chance to interview him as a teenager was an absolute dream. 10 years later with a flourishing career as a writer and a strained relationship with him, he wants to do a 10 year reunion interview about his path to the upcoming Olympics. there’s only one problem: you’re staying at his house and trying not to address your old feelings for him.

word count: 19.9k

tag list: @junhui-recs @bfwonu @huiranghaes

warnings: figure skater!joshua, writer/fangirl!reader, best friend!jeonghan, dad!seungcheol, smut, fluff, angst, some occasional skating jargon, this is a lot about the Olympics

a/n: y’all. this fic has been reworked over and over and over since spring 2022, it’s the longest fic I’ve ever done. it’s given me so much trouble and seen me through so many changes in my life. doing my final undergrad dance show, writing my undergrad capstone, finishing undergrad, and finding my first apartment. it is my baby and has grown as much as I have since march. thank you to the sports au discord for being so lovely <3 I hope you enjoy it as always and I hope you can feel how much heart I put into this! this is for @gyukult’s sports au collab + this is loosely based on the plot of the book “funny you should ask” by elissa sussman which I can’t recommend enough! title also inspired by the harry styles song ok bye lmao <3

Work isn’t particularly difficult, in your opinion. You’re used to hearing the people around you complain about how much their workload consumes them to a point of no return, but as you made your way into your first adult job as a writer, you tried to stop that from happening.

It’s not exactly easy when you have to navigate the entertainment industry while writing, but the idea of trying to craft new narratives about celebrities that the public is convinced that they know inside and out still excites you.

Even if you’re not exactly fond of whoever you’re writing about, the challenge still intrigues you. Thus, the conversations surrounding ideas for new profiles are always equal parts captivating and nerve-wracking.

“How do you feel about Joshua Hong?” Your manager asks. You look up to see her balancing her weight on the side of your desk, a neutral expression paints her face.

She knows this is a loaded question, all things considered.

“You know how I feel about him,” You blink at her before facing your computer again.

“I do, but I need an updated response considering the anniversary,” She persists. You sigh, swiveling around to face her again before responding.

“He’s great. I like him,” Your voice trails off, you try to nod to convince her, but it’s not working.

Your life has been so intertwined with Joshua Hong’s career as a professional figure skater that it’s hard to delineate life before and after him. He wasn't there, then one day he seemed to consume your life completely.

Before your start as a journalist, you ran a very well-known, albeit secretive, blog about Joshua Hong as a teenager. It was relatively harmless and safe for work, spare the occasional thirst posts sprinkled in. It mostly contained updates about the then emerging skater’s career, offering illegal torrent links for broadcasts of his performances that weren’t available worldwide and communicating with other fans about your love for him. Yet, some random post about him qualifying for the Olympics went insanely viral when you were 17, garnering over 1 million shares in under a week.

It was substantial enough to get his management's attention, and you had the opportunity to interview him not only for your blog but for a major publication for their Winter Olympics coverage series.

With two opportunities to write about him, you were able to fulfill the fan service pleas from your fellow fans for the blog and write a serious piece that made the general public interested in him from the perspective of a fan that knew the general timeline of his career.

The quick success felt like a fluke, but it led you to an undergraduate degree and a dream job as an entertainment writer at one of your favorite companies almost immediately after graduation.

He technically made your career, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

You’ve been trying to forget about the anniversary, but everyone in your life seems determined to bring it up whenever they see you.

“Well, we want you to do a 10-year reunion interview piece with him. That’s only if you want to,” Her voice was sympathetic, but you’re mainly focused on the number. It really had been 10 years, hadn’t it?

You were both incredibly established in your respective careers, him as a 5-time gold medalist with appearances at 3 Olympic Games, and you with a prolific image as a relatable yet incisive celebrity interviewer. It completely makes sense for you two to meet again, considering how much the first interview changed the trajectory of your lives.

It would feed into the nostalgia of Joshua fans that grew up alongside you as readers of your blog and new fans that clamored for any new Joshua content.

Yet, you weren’t exactly convinced.

“I mean, his team could’ve had anyone else write a big profile on him. We’re not the only website in the world with an entertainment section,” You fight the urge to bite your nails and instead choose to wring your hands together.

“He asked us to do it,” She admits.

You try not to look too shocked, but that definitely changes things. You were not close with Joshua whatsoever. Sure, he’d occasionally like your social media posts and wish you a happy birthday every year, but that was the extent of your relationship.

Your teenage self thinks it might be him looking for closure, wondering what might have happened if you stayed in touch.

Yet, you can’t let yourself dive back into the fantasy of him again.

You search for a response, but you can’t land on anything substantial. “What would I have to do?” You ask, you barely notice the unconscious habit of biting the inside of your cheek.

“Well, in addition to the profile, you can attend his practices and any private schedules he invites you to. It’s mostly up to the discretion of him and his team,” She offers and you nod. You’re good with that, you can watch him practice and go to a random professional event he’s booked for.

“He did offer something else, if you’re up for it,” She gives you a pointed look which makes you a bit hesitant.

“What is it?”

“He asked if you were open to staying at his house,” She smiled through her answer, but you’re sure your face was completely pale.

You didn’t know if you were more shocked or nervous at the idea of it. It was ambitious, considering that you haven’t spent more than a few hours in the same room with him at a time, much less stay with him.

You think you might die if you go through with it.

“He’s not serious,” You find yourself laughing in disbelief. You can’t even fathom the idea of being further sucked into Joshua’s life after so long.

“He really is. You don’t have to give me an answer right now, but within the next day or so,” She leaves your desk without giving you a chance to respond, but you revel in the opportunity to think about everything.

It’s a bit too much to wrap your head around, so much so that you don’t remember much else of the work day.

For the first time in a long time, Joshua Hong was all you could think about.

—

The more you think about the interview, the more it gives you anxiety.

All of the possible outcomes float around in your head during the commute home that you can barely enjoy the music blaring in your headphones.

Once you arrive home, you figure that you need a second opinion on the matter, so you decide to call your far more opinionated best friend for his input.

The phone only rings for a few seconds before he picks up.

“What happened?”

“Joshua wants to do this 10-year anniversary interview where I follow him around,” You sigh.

“No fucking way,” He burst into laughter, his giggles echoing loudly through the phone.

“Jeonghan, this isn’t funny,” You whine. He was probably the last person you needed to call, seeing as he almost never had a sympathetic response to your pain.

“It’s hilarious, and this is karma for trying to ignore his existence for the past 5 years,” He replies with a teasing lilt.

You hate that he’s right.

You were very proud of Joshua’s successes, in a “retired fan celebrating from a distance” sort of way. Yet, you tried to distance yourself so much from the blog that he inadvertently got caught in the crossfire. You cared about him so deeply for so long that you lost yourself in that, so you tried to cope with the state of your uneven relationship with him in your own little fucked up way.

You let out a frustrated sigh. “I just didn’t think he’d be the one to do it, you know? I thought I’d get a polite email from his assistant, not my manager telling me he wanted to do a profile.”

“That means it’s personal to him, then. That’s actually kinda charming of him,” You feel your phone vibrate, so you check the notification.

Joshua messaged you on Instagram, and from a quick glance at your lockscreen, it’s long.

Your heart drops to your stomach.

“Wait, he just messaged me,” You quickly put Jeonghan on speaker and opened the app without a second thought. You read his message out loud:

joshuahong: Hi! Not sure if you’ve heard my request yet about the anniversary profile, but I would really love it if we could make it happen. I know it’s been a really long time, but I think it’d be fun to do it again. You’ve always supported me from the beginning of my career, so it would mean a lot to me. I miss talking to you, so we would definitely be catching up in more ways than one. We’ll only do it if you’re up for it though, please don’t ghost me this time lol

“Holy shit,” Jeonghan fills the silence immediately. You were pretty much lost for words, but you managed to speak. “Holy shit is right,” You mumble to yourself.

You suddenly feel guilty for trying to bury him out of your life, especially when he clearly said he misses you.

Were you trying to set your boundaries by pushing him away or were you just being an asshole?

“I feel really stupid,” You hate that you want to cry. You can’t reckon with the fact that Joshua has wanted to reconcile for so long that he had to do this to get your attention.

At least, that’s what the selfish part of you thinks. You know the interview is so much bigger than yourself, but then again, it is a symbol of you and the years of effort you put into your blog.

“You’re not stupid, but you need to worry about what you’re gonna say. Are you gonna say yes?” He asks.

Admittedly, you do feel the pull to say yes.

“I think I might. Is that a bad idea?” Internally, you know the answer, but your insecurities need some validation.

He clears his throat before responding. “I think you’ll regret it if you say no. I think it’ll hurt you more to not have closure with him.”

You don’t think you necessarily want anything out of this besides becoming friendly with him.

You’d like to think that’s what would’ve happened if you didn’t completely ice him out.

“That’s true. It’s gonna be so hard to see him again,” A whine pulls your lips into a pout and you already know Jeonghan will protest.

“Stop talking yourself out of it. Who knows, you might end up enjoying everything,” he suggests openly.

“That’s possible. His house is supposed to be insanely big,” You shake your head at the idea of how a 27-year-old millionaire pro figure skater would be living, definitely far better than your current apartment.

“You can only know for sure if you say yes.”

“I know,” You figure you need a vacation anyways, even if it means facing some unresolved emotional baggage.

“So, you know your answer then. I need to get back to work, but don’t blow him off. Respond to him tonight or I’m not giving you the deluxe massage package gift certificate like I promised,” Jeonghan was not above threatening you into action, and this one had the right level of stakes.

“Fine, okay,” You huff out, already opening the Instagram app again to motivate you into typing a proper response.

You exchange quick goodbyes and you let yourself look, albeit for far too long, at the message again to gain some inspiration.

Before you know it, you’re sending him a formal reply.

you: Hi! You’re right about ghosting, no excuses for that so I’m sorry lol. I’ve thought about it and I’d be happy to do it, it’s been too long since we’ve talked. Let me know the timeline you’re thinking of and I’ll get my schedule figured out

You figure that’s just enough to ease your nerves. It’s not exactly as earnest as his original message, but it’ll work for now.

You even send a screenshot of the message to Jeonghan as proof for the sake of accountability and the state of your deluxe massage package gift certificate. You place your phone on your nightstand to avoid fixating on another response, letting yourself go fix dinner and get ready for bed without thinking.

It’s only when you’re about to settle into bed that you remember your phone. You reach for it and Joshua, who is somehow extremely prompt with his messages, sends you another reply 10 minutes after your message.

joshuahong: Great! We’ll start sorting out more details then. I’m really glad you said yes

He’s already trying to pull at your heartstrings and it’s working. Despite everything, Joshua has always been kind. He doesn’t just seem nice, like what most celebrities are assumed to be around other people, he’s always made sure you know he cares about you even if you hadn’t known what to do about it.

You type out another quick response before going to bed.

you: Of course, it’s gonna be a lot of fun

You hope that’s true, you hope that you’re not already in over your head with the situation. He still seems to have faith in you, so why not trust that instinct?

—

During pre-trip preparations, you found yourself talking to Joshua far more often than before.

The conversations didn’t go too deep of course, you couldn’t get everything out of him before you even had a chance to conduct the interview, but the harmless banter seemed to slowly bridge that treacherous gap left between you two.

You even thought it would make your first meeting less awkward, but that wasn’t even remotely possible. It had only taken a few days for the entirety of the trip to be confirmed by your workplace and his team, and the final itinerary made your head spin.

You would follow Joshua around for a week, primarily to his private daily practices in an effort to show his infamous dedication to Olympics training.

All while you stayed in his guest room.

You couldn’t get out of that obligation, no matter how much you tried to convince him that you would be perfectly fine staying in a luxury hotel room paid for by your employer. He was confident that you could get a better view into his life while staying at his house which you reluctantly agreed with.

His idea definitely didn’t cross any professional boundaries at all, none whatsoever! This is what he’d do as a friend if you were coming to visit anyways, right?

You were still slightly afraid to hear his voice, you weren’t exactly sure why, but you were hoping it would keep the image of him unchanged in your mind until you saw him in person again.

You knew you were heavily biased going into this situation, so why not protect your heart for a little bit longer?

joshuahong: Are you nervous about tomorrow?

you: Not really

joshuahong: Y/N, please don’t lie.

you: I’m not!

joshuahong: I’m kinda nervous to see you, though

you: Really? Why?

joshuahong: I think it’s been 6 years since I’ve seen you in person. That’s scary to think about

you: The passing of time is scary

joshuahong: Definitely. Promise to not be awkward?

you: I’ll try my best!

joshuahong: That’s not a promise!

you: Fine, I promise but you have to promise too!

joshuahong: I promise :) now get some sleep, I don’t want to hear you complain when you have plenty of time to get 8 hours of sleep

you: You’re so mean!! but you too, get lots of rest so you can give me a good show tomorrow

He doesn’t reply to that last message, only using a heart emoji reaction instead.

The weight of the trip suddenly sits on your heart, and the main objective of writing an exceptional interview is somehow the least of your worries now.

—

The flight to Korea is unceremoniously long, you have far too much time and anxiety to let yourself fall asleep. You go through all the Netflix episodes you downloaded for the flight, finish the book that’s been sitting on your shelf for ages, and write down some preliminary notes about what you’d like to cover in the interview.

You decide to keep your ideas vague so that you’re not overexerting your brain during the flight.

First, a general discussion of the Olympics. That’s the main appeal of the article, seeing what his main preparations are like and hopefully getting some better insight about his feelings surrounding everything.

The second is his recovery from his last Olympics injury. He landed the most ambitious jump of his free skate program completely wrong, breaking his ankle in the process. It was during the last event of his Olympics run for that year, and he still placed third in the men’s individual skate program overall, but it’s been a sore subject for him in most interviews he’s done since the incident.

The footage is as agonizing as you can imagine, but the fact that he finished the routine at all is stunning. You figure that you can get some in-depth reaction about that moment and the subsequent recovery, more than the extremely media-trained answer he’s given about it before.

Lastly, the prospect of retirement. He’s said almost nothing about his plans after the upcoming Olympic games, but Olympics experts are convinced that the news is looming over his upcoming appearance.

You knew better than to ask him outright about it because he definitely wouldn’t give you a straight answer. From watching his recent interviews, you realized that Joshua has a tendency to go into a subtle apathetic mood when the interviewer hits something he’s not comfortable with. You hope that you can breach the subject without things going completely south. This interview was supposed to hit some darker aspects of the state of Joshua’s career, but you never wanted to make him uncomfortable.

Other than those topics, anything else he wanted to divulge to you would be a bonus. You wanted him to have a reasonable amount of control over what would go into the interview, so you’re not opposed to adjusting your interview material if needed.

The thought of his reactions to your questions swarms your brain in a frenzy, but you know you’re getting ahead of yourself.

The flight lands without any problems and you’re still trying to figure your thoughts out by the time you’re picking up your suitcase from baggage claim.

You’re soon greeted by Joshua’s driver, a tall man who holds a sign with your name printed on it, nodding in affirmation when you confirm your identity with him. He’s distantly kind to you, but it’s enough to put you at ease for the moment. You’re escorted to a tinted black SUV with a gentle hand opening the back car door for you. Your suitcase is carefully stowed into the back of the truck while you click your seatbelt into place across your lap.

You don’t realize how tired you are until the car starts moving. You didn’t bother to orient yourself with the time once you got off the flight, but you figure it’s somewhere between late morning and early afternoon by the way the clouds create a gray atmosphere in the sky.

Nonetheless, looking out the window is enough to pull you into sleep, and you indulge yourself in a short nap, barely considering where you may be headed.

—

It turns out that Joshua wanted to meet you at his home rink first which explains why you were waking up to the sight of a massive stadium.

You were slightly annoyed that you weren’t at a stable location yet, your body started to feel vaguely sick at the constant movement of the car.

You’re grateful that the car stops for a moment, you’re hoping Joshua takes a bit longer than expected to come out of the rink so that your body can stop feeling off center.

Unfortunately, he’s quite prompt, you notice him walking out only a few minutes later. He’s accompanied by two other staff members, seemingly debriefing him on your arrival as you see one of them point to the car.

You suddenly feel acutely aware of how disheveled you look in your inconspicuous airport outfit, barely awake enough to make proper conversation with him.

He arrives at the other back car door quickly, opening it with a big smile.

“Y/N! Hi, I’m so happy to finally see you again,” He’s excited, settling into the backseat across from you, slightly more perky than you expected.

“Hi,” You wave back politely, pushing your voice up an octave to match his energy that is nearly impossible to replicate in your current mood.

“I’m sure you must be exhausted, it was a long flight wasn’t it?” His brows furrow slightly, and his concern is evident on his face.

“Yeah, I’m still pretty tired,” You offer him a halfhearted smile.

“Well, we can recover once we’re at my place. We’ll have time to catch up on everything,” He reassures you with a nod.

He notices you’re still out of it, so you don’t talk for the rest of the ride to his house.

Through heavy eyelids, you steal a few looks at him and he really is as pretty as you remember. His boyish features filled out his face much better now, although he was always handsome.

You’re not sure how long his practice day was, but it surely didn’t show in his features. He caught you looking at him only once, you tried to be discreet while he was looking at his phone, but he still saw you.

It seemed like he had a sixth sense to know when someone was looking at him which, if anything, made it a bit more embarrassing to get caught.

He let you off easy though, smiling at you before turning his attention back to his phone.

It was a tiny gesture, but it reminds you just how much he seems to notice you.

—

You wouldn’t say you’re best friends or anything, but talking to Joshua for an extended period of time has made you miss being around him in person. His energy has always been the same after so long.

“So you just casually stumbled into an interview with Dwayne the Rock Johnson?” He’s somehow fully astonished at your celebrity interview stories, you notice the sparkle in his eyes and his smile is radiant, but you think that’s just the alcohol creeping up on him.

You both agreed to a drink after coming back to the house, you chose wine while he opted for beer. This has made the mood considerably less awkward and you’re grateful that you both pushed past the mandatory small talk.

“Yeah, the interviewer before me canceled so I got more time with him than I intended. Then the whole viral interview video happened,” You wave your hand before taking another sip of your glass.

“You say that as if it’s normal,” He pushes his hair back, slightly exposing his forehead. That was surprising coming from him, considering that he is far more famous than you would ever be. Yet, you assume that it’s because he’s famous in a more traditional sense, so content creation was never a part of his job to begin with.

“Well, it is if you’re good at it, which I am,” You brag, receiving a hearty laugh from him.

“Look at you, big shot,” He playfully swats your arm. “You really made it, huh?” He’s fond, his glance is soft and yearning for more. It’s far too sentimental for where you wanted this to go tonight, but you play along for a moment.

“I did,” Your cheeks are slightly too warm as you avoid his eye contact with a small smile, but you still have control over yourself. You decide to take advantage of it.

“I want to get some stuff recorded for the interview if that’s okay?” You don’t know why you ask for permission to start interviewing, seeing as it’s the entire reason you’re here in the first place.

“That’s fine,” He straightens up a bit, he doesn’t seem too affected by the alcohol either which will make this a bit easier.

“We’ll keep it pretty light today, considering this is just the first day.”

“I’m good with that,” He chuckles lightly. You know he’s watching you struggle to figure out the best way to interview him. It’s too much effort to find your laptop which is somewhere tucked away in a carry-on bag, so you settle for your phone.

“Ok, so,” you fumble with your phone’s record button on the Voice Memos app for a moment, “tell me your general feelings about the Olympics coming up.”

“I’m excited, I missed being in full competition prep mode. It’s an indescribable feeling, but everything is coming together nicely which is all I can ask for on the 4th time around,” He had a vague joy in his eyes, but you didn’t want to scrutinize the answer just yet, it was only the first question.

“What does full competition prep mode look like for you?”

“My practice days are much longer than usual, so I’m in the rink most days from sunrise to sunset, if I can help it,” He smiles sheepishly. That charm seems like it’s going to seep through every response he gives you, so he can possibly get away with some things.

“What do you like to do to destress after such long practice days?”

His eyes light up at the idea and he readjusts his position on the couch. “I like taking a cold shower and catching up on reality TV, I honestly like anything trashy.”

You didn’t peg Joshua to be a reality TV person, but it’s the exact kind of pop culture talk that his fans will eat up.

“Okay, then which one do you prefer, The Bachelor or Love Island?” You ask curiously.

“Love Island, easily,” He replies immediately. He smirks and you nod in affirmation. You knew he had good taste, you figure you’d have to ask him about some other TV preferences later.

“Good, that was the right answer,” You shoot back. You decide to drink the rest of your wine instead of nursing it any longer.

“Asking the tough questions, clearly,” He’s way too smug about it and it makes you roll your eyes.

“Shut up, I told you we’re keeping it light! Unless you want to be asked about the future of your career while we drink,” Now it’s your turn to touch his arm, your hand intentionally doesn’t linger for too long though.

“I don’t, you’re right,” You know he’s not lying by the way he lets out a deep breath. There’s an unspoken tension at the thought of you bringing everything up.

“Okay, one more dumb non-skating question.”

“They’re not dumb,” He immediately catches your words and you blink at him, silently watching his face. He stares back, but his expression is slightly tender. Again, his face is almost too sweet for you to process. It threw you off this time though, so you have to look at the floor. You don’t even remember the question you meant to ask him, so you opt for a way out.

“Stop it.”

“What?” He genuinely looks confused, as if he’s not unconsciously doing the standard heartthrob boyfriend-esque banter.

“That was too nice,” You pick up your phone to stop the recording, still not facing him. Your body language is slightly more closed off.

“You act like you’ve never been complimented before,” He retorts.

You couldn’t say that it was different because he said it, you couldn’t give a shit if some random A-lister made you feel better about your work, but it was him.

“I’m not used to your compliments,” You indirectly emphasize him.

“Well, we’ll have to change that then,” He smirks.

That stirs something up in your chest, but you can’t quite name it. You decide it’s best to ignore it.

“Great. So are you gonna make me dinner or are we ordering somewhere?”

“I’m definitely not cooking,” He lets out a clipped laugh, shaking his head in disapproval. To be fair, he exerted more physical effort in a day than you’d do in an entire calendar year, so you weren’t exactly offended.

The night spun on with cheap pizza and varying levels of conversations. He even convinced you to watch Love Island, albeit one episode, until he decided he was too tired to continue.

He gives you a short tour of the guest room before retreating to his own room, and you finally get a moment to sit with your thoughts.

Joshua is friendlier than you expected and that was going to cause problems whether you liked it or not.

—

Although it was your first full day in town, the jetlag caught up with you almost immediately. Joshua mentioned last night that he would be at meetings throughout the afternoon, so you were grateful that you didn’t have to tag along.

Once you were thoroughly awake, you decided to investigate the house. As you suspected, it was far too big for him, especially considering he wasn’t home enough to enjoy it anyways.

The style of the house is typical celebrity fare, far too angular and minimalist for your taste. The shades of white, gray, and black that decorated his furniture and appliances were anything but inviting. It was all far too muted in your opinion and it made you miss the character of your apartment.

Besides a few framed photos of what you assume to be his family and friends along with some light decor, it looks like it could be plucked right off of a Zillow listing.

Even if you wanted to write some flowery prose about his house for the article, it leaves much to be desired.

“Are you settled in?” Your manager asks over the phone. She promised not to call you after this initial check in, but you figured she’d find other ways to be nosy about how things are going. She was a fan of Joshua, so her prying for extra details wouldn’t be completely unexpected.

“Yeah, everything’s been good,” You shared, completely nestled onto the couch with a blanket.

“How’s Joshua?” She inquires with a slight lilt.

“He’s doing well. We’ve already got some parts for the interview, but I haven’t seen him skate yet,” You recall the banter of last night with a small smile. You were both being friendly, it was completely harmless.

“Well, you still have a lot of time for that, but I’m glad you’ve made some progress. I’ll let you go, but let me know if you need anything.”

“I will,” You respond. You exchange goodbyes and go back to mindlessly scrolling on Twitter.

“Were you talking shit about me?” Joshua asks. You whip your head around to notice him watching you, completely unsuspecting in his business casual attire. You shriek in fear, clutching the blanket before reaching over to throw a pillow at his face. He narrowly avoids it with a massive grin on his face.

“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me,” You sigh, pressing a hand to your chest to check your racing pulse.

“I’m light on my feet.”

“Yeah, clearly,” You grumbled.

“You look very comfortable,” He teases, pointing to your current seating position with a chuckle. Your body is completely wrapped up minus your head. It probably looks quite funny by the way he bites his tongue with a childish smile.

“I am. How were the meetings?” You deflect the attention onto him instead.

“Productive,” He walks around to join you on the couch, landing next to you with a sigh.

“Anything worth breaking an NDA over?”

He rolls his eyes. “Absolutely not,” He scoffed.

“Worth a try,” You finally free your arms from the blanket, but you’re still wearing a hoodie.

“Why did you need the blanket if you’re wearing a hoodie?” He asks politely, pointing to your chest.

“I get cold easily!” You protest.

This oversized maroon hoodie was your signature writing piece, you absolutely needed to wear it for big projects or else you wrote pure shit.

You’ve had it since you started writing professionally, a random thrift store find that has given you incredible luck over the years. It’s helped you through many long nights of writing and editing throughout your career.

Thus, you put it on in an attempt to stir up some inspiration, but to no avail.

Joshua is charmed by this backstory though, nodding along with his head in the palm of his hand.

“You think it’s dumb,” You’re projecting onto him, without a doubt.

“No, it’s not! It’s actually very cute. You can wear it to the rink later.”

“We’re still doing that?” You grimace. He joked that he was going to take you out onto the ice, but doing it this early into the trip felt like overkill.

“Unfortunately, yes,” He pouts. “I’m forcing you out of the house so that you don’t steal my blankets.”

“Very rude.”

—

The rink is far bigger than you could’ve imagined. You haven’t been in many throughout your life, but since it functions partly as a stadium, it makes you feel even smaller.

He leads you to the check in booth to introduce you to the staff onsite for the day. If he’s coming to practice solo, he remarks that the employees only door is typically unlocked for him, and his suspicions are correct.

“Hey, man, it’s good to see you again,” Joshua embraces a taller man into a hug once he walks through the door. “Cheol, this is Y/N,” He glances between the two of you with a hopeful smile.

“Y/N, this is Seungcheol.”

“Hi,” You wave politely and everything starts to register for you. You’ve known of Seungcheol for a long time through Joshua’s social media, you knew they were longtime friends and Joshua was always open about being close with Seungcheol’s family.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Josh has told me a lot about you, you’re always a hot topic around here,” Seungcheol smirks to Joshua’s dismay.

“Not in a bad way, everybody loves your writing,” Joshua tries to diffuse the tension with a short smile.

“Is Sumin here?” He switches the topic completely, looking around to the back door for any sign of life.

“Yeah, she’s just with her mom. I’ll go get her,” Seungcheol replies before heading further back into the venue.

It’s another minute or two before he comes back with a toddler in his arms, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Joshua. She squirms in Seungcheol’s hold until he puts her down, and she takes off running until Joshua catches her in his arms.

“Joshie,” she screams into his ear. He spins her around for a moment until she’s giggling uncontrollably. It was absolutely adorable, it even got a smile out of you.

“Hi Minnie, how are you?” He’s beaming from ear to ear at her.

“Good,” she nods decisively. He points to you before introducing you to her.

“That’s Y/N. She’s a good friend of mine, can you say hi?” He coaxes her with a gentle voice.

“Hi,” She waves and Joshua is celebrating her again with a small kiss on the cheek. He seems like such a natural with her, it’s as if she’s his own daughter.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” You wave back and she offers you a shy smile.

“I have to go, but I’ll just be skating out there with Y/N, okay?” He reassures her with a sweet pat to her hair before handing her off to Seungcheol.

She puts her head on Seungcheol’s shoulder with another nod. “Out there,” she points to the ice.

“Yep. Be good for dad, I’ll see you later,” He winks at her before leading you both out to the ice.

Your heart is warm from the entire interaction. He sits down on the bleachers and you land next to him, silently placing his duffel bag onto the ground.

He unzips it to reveal your skates. He ordered them before you arrived, promising that he would get you to skate at some point during the trip. You just didn’t predict it would be this early on.

“How old is she?” You asked, toeing off your sneakers before putting on the skates one at a time.

“Two,” He smiles fondly at the thought of her. “Cheol and his wife are such good parents, they were worried about being too young but they’re perfect to her.”

“So you’re her godfather, I assume?”

“Is it that obvious?” He scrunches his face. He turns his attention to his skates for a moment, quickly lacing them up and tightening them. You didn’t even notice him taking off his other shoes.

“Yeah, you definitely gave off dad vibes, but it was sweet.”

“Him and his family have done so much for me, I couldn’t say no. I also helped him ask out his wife on their first date, so it was inevitable,” He pushes his hair out of his face with a grin.

“They helped you adjust here, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll always be grateful for them. It started with discounted rental fees because I couldn’t afford to use the space, so I owe a lot to them. I pay them back in any way I can,” He nodded solemnly.

He has a deep sense of gratitude that is admirable, it makes you wonder what it’s like to be so deeply initiated into someone’s life that there’s no question if you’ll be there forever, it’s just a matter of what role you’ll play.

It made sense that Joshua knew the place so intimately, he was clearly a member of Seungcheol’s family. He grew up in this rink, watched his friends grow and start their families. It was a safe haven.

“Are you ready to skate?”

“Barely.”

“That’s the spirit,” He rubs your shoulder before standing up. You also stand up, albeit far more slowly, facing toward the ice.

You’ve gone ice skating multiple times in your life, but not enough to remember anything past the basics. You step onto the ice, but you already feel like the surface is going to give out any second.

Joshua notices you start to flail and rushes to place a protective arm around your waist. “Are you okay?”

“No,” You squeeze your eyes shut and are already considering admitting defeat. The idea of voluntarily skating with an Olympic gold medalist had to be the worst idea you’ve had in a long time.

“Do you want me to get you the walker?” He asks sweetly. There’s absolutely no malice there, but it still feels slightly patronizing.

“Joshua, that’s not funny,” You whine, anxiously looking down at your skates.

“I’m not joking, I’m just giving you options!”

“No, I don’t need it. I just got nervous,” You reassure yourself. That was the truth, it was mostly the shock of being on the ice again after such a long time.

“Ok, so if I let go, you’ll be fine?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’m letting go. Just bend your knees if you think you’re gonna fall,” He slowly moves away from you, looking expectantly to see how you’ll fare on your own. His advice works and you find your balance without too much effort. You do remember how to move forward on skates, so you decide to impress him a bit.

You move easily, pushing your back leg out and to the side before alternating legs, making your way across the ice without much issue. He is visibly impressed, gasping at you with his arms crossed.

“You’re so good! I thought you were a beginner,” He praises you while skating over to your side.

“I am! I don’t know anything other than this.”

“That’s fine, then we can just expand on that skill today. Nothing crazy, I promise,” He calms your nerves with a gentle hand on your shoulder.

The skill in question is extending the standard forward movements into drawn out strokes, so it appears as though you’re gliding instead of walking on the ice. You would leave that back leg out for longer periods to create a more elegant appearance when you move forward. When he demonstrates the move, you’re mesmerized. No matter how many times you’ve seen him do the same moves, there’s still an enchanting quality to his skating.

He can elevate any move without much effort, but that is clearly from years worth of work and persistence into making his moves clean.

Joshua is an incredibly patient teacher, far more than you expected. There’s absolutely no frustration when you make a mistake, just a quiet encouragement to keep going.

When you unexpectedly lose your balance, he’s making sure you fall backwards so as to not injure your hands. When you’re visibly frustrated, he lets you take a break for a few minutes to regroup. There’s a level of care you didn’t expect, but then again, it’s Joshua. He couldn’t ignore your requests for help even if he wanted to.

You’re not ready to do full out spins or jumps yet, but you are instilled with a new confidence that you can at least try something new without getting immediately discouraged.

“Are you good with finishing up there?”

“Yeah, I feel good. I do need something from you, though.”

“And what is that?”

“Your best jump.”

“Best jump?” He looks back at the ice before facing you again, seemingly considering all his options. Despite all of your years of supporting him, you still didn’t know the difference between the jumps, but you figure it’s best not to ask for more explanation than this.

“Pretty please?” You flash a smile that he can’t deny. He lets out a quiet laugh and his eyes search the ground for a moment before he nods.

“Okay, I’ll do a quadruple jump combo, but only because you asked so nicely,” He sighs, squaring his shoulders for a moment.

“I appreciate it a lot,” You amp up the compliments in hopes that he doesn’t change his mind.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” He skates away from you to find a solid starting position. You move to a corner wall to observe and stay out of the way.

He takes a deep breath before starting his entrance, snapping through both jumps with ease. He landed evenly, coming out into a pose for you, his arms pointed up with flair before putting them down again.

“Very impressive,” You compliment him.

“It was, wasn’t it?” His breathing is a bit uneven once he comes up to you again. You smile at his cockiness, but it’s well earned.

He restrains himself from practicing any further or else he’ll be here for hours on end, but that’s not too different from most days. He tells you this is one of his shorter visits, somehow being here for under 3 hours is an accomplishment worth celebrating.

You both say goodbye to Seungcheol and Sumin before heading out to his car. You climb into the passenger seat while he adjusts his seatbelt. He decides to let you interview him while he’s driving although you were fine with waiting until you were back at his home.

“So this current practice routine is the most intense level you’ve been at in the past 4 years?”

“Yeah, I slowly had to work it up to this point after the injury. It was almost painful to slow down that much, but I needed to,” He focuses on the road while responding. You’ve opted for writing notes on your phone and recording at the same time.

“How did it initially feel for you to go through it?”

“I hated it. I didn’t break my ankle normally either, so it wasn’t just the typical advice of staying off your ankle for 8 weeks. It took so much longer than everyone anticipated and I had to genuinely stop everything I was doing,” He tightens his grip on the steering wheel to your slight shock.

“I’m sure it was frustrating to not be able to enjoy that podium moment either.”

“Right, it was as if I didn’t even make the podium. I got 3rd place, but it was so excruciating to even be up there, I didn’t feel like I earned it,” He looks visibly upset just recounting it to you. It hurts to hear just how insecure he became afterwards. In hindsight, it makes sense that he didn’t want to spend time discussing it. Back then, the radio silence just made you hope that he was taking care of himself, not feeling pressured to keep anyone updated. Why would he want to constantly relive and dissect that kind of trauma?

“Do you ultimately want to redeem that moment?”

“I hope so. There’s always pressure to constantly outdo yourself, but I just want to finish the routines safely. That’s all I want,” He nods solemnly and you automatically believe him. Although he’s safely finished the other competitions within a season, there’s still an underlying fear of things going wrong at the worst possible moment.

“From what I saw today, you’re being careful,” You assure him. It’s not wrong to say that either, especially when he was helping you with the execution of the moves earlier. When he was done showing you a certain idea, he didn’t linger in the pose too long at all. It felt like he was overly cautious if anything, but you didn’t want to shift the mood too drastically.

“That’s from all the paranoia, trust me. I don’t want to feel afraid to compete, I want to break out of that habit,” He finally glances at you for a moment.

You’re grateful that he seems to echo your internal sentiment. There was never an air of hesitation around his skating, he was always quite self-assured in himself, but you both know that never conquering your fears could indefinitely stunt your growth. He obviously needed as long as possible to rebuild his self image and confront his fears.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’ll find that courage again,” You place a hand on his shoulder. The tension settles almost immediately at your touch.

“You think so?”

“I know you will. It’s either that or withdrawing from the Olympics which just sounds like a lot of paperwork, honestly,” You joke.

“You’re right, it’s a shit ton of paperwork,” He giggles and readjusts his hands on the wheel again.

You knew that last part wouldn’t be used for your final work, but it’s nice to hear him joke about it all. You liked being there for him as a friend, even if you’d never know exactly what it’s like to be in his position. He deserves that kind of empathy that’s not hollow or backhanded, you figure that’s the least you could do for him while being here.

You could finally even out the foundation of friendship in this way, silently repairing all the mistakes you’ve made in the past in regards to your relationship.

He’s able to talk a bit more about his recovery before the end of the drive and you feel satisfied by the end of the night. Over dinner, it feels like everything is evolving, not just the article itself. He’s opened himself up a bit further and you’d like to treasure that.

—

“You don’t have to stay the entire time, you know that right?” He turns his glance toward you away from the ice with a smirk playing on his lips.

The infamous 12-hour practice day had arrived, and you were dreading it the most out of the week’s schedule. Yet, you were committed to being as involved in his daily life as possible, despite your natural aversion to waking up at dawn. You didn’t want to be one of those writers that holed up in their hotel room to write their assigned article. It was typically out of your control how much time you were allowed to spend with a subject, but if given the option to spend more time with them, you wanted to take it.

Since it was Joshua, you still felt obliged to play catch up on spending time with him in any way you could, even if it meant watching him from the bleachers for an entire work day. Plus, you were already at the rink this early, there was no use in leaving to do touristy things alone when you didn’t necessarily want to do that anyways.

“I know, but I want to,” You retorted. He gives you that “you’re gonna eat your words” look, but he still accepts your answer.

“Are you still up to be interviewed once you’re done practicing?”

“Yeah, I should be good,” He takes a deep breath once he replies, seemingly preparing himself for the painstakingly long day ahead of him.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it then,” You wave at him and he returns it immediately. You head up the bleachers to find a good seat, ending up somewhere towards the lower half of the seating. You wanted to be in a good position where you could view the full scope of his skating, but also capture the details of his face. Your position ends up being perfect, it makes watching him even more fascinating.

He does most of his stretches further away from you, so you’re caught craning your neck to see him. His muscles are well defined, a fact that you’ve been trying to ignore as the bulk of his arms seem to fight against the sleeves of his shirt as he stretches his limbs above his head.

His warm-up is calm yet still dynamic to watch. His jumps are so effortless that your head spins just thinking about the physics of jumping up into a spin and somehow not falling on your ass as you land.

Yet, he lands them perfectly every time. You know that’s not possible, that there’s probably some small tweak he’d make to the way he entered a jump or a correction he’d make to the angle of his landing, but you were fine living in ignorant bliss of the technical aspects of his skating.

You wanted yourself to enjoy being a spectator, to not fixate on every single detail, and simply enjoy an elite athlete being good at their sport.

He takes a small breather but soon goes into his assumed short program. Most diehard Olympics fans would kill to see even a glimpse of his routines for the impending games, but like any other figure skater, the details are carefully kept under lock and key until the competition begins.

You try to savor the image of him without the full theatrics of the actual performance, and the sight of him is enchanting.

His short program music is a bombastic and dynamic classical piece that forces you to focus on every detail of the performance. It’s a triumphant number, one that exudes the confidence and charisma of an experienced skater that knows the nuances of the song like the back of their hand. You decide that it suits him perfectly as he expresses the power of the song through cutthroat expressions and sharp movements.

After running through the full routine a few times, you notice him stop to take an extended break. He skates back to your side of the rink with a smile on his face.

“Falling asleep yet?” He jokes.

“Not yet,” you return the smile, your cheeks practically hurt just looking at him. It’s nearly impossible to avoid watching him, he’s always had this magnetic charm on the ice that makes him hard to ignore.

“Good, I haven’t bored you yet. How’s the writing coming?”

You glance at your laptop on the seat next to you, accompanied by scattered papers on top of the keyboard. The writing was mostly on pause considering the unusual environment, you didn’t ever write with the same classical song blasting in your ears on repeat.

Also, he was skating, so every time you thought you got into a good rhythm with writing, your eyes drifted back to him gliding across the ice. The sound of his skates hitting the ice was hard to ignore.

“It’s coming,” You lie easily. A quick tilt of his head signals that he knows you’re bluffing.

“Lots of strategizing, huh?” He doesn’t let on though, pointing at your notes instead and you’re nodding slowly.

“You’re not an easy person to write about,” You give him a pointed look and he’s grinning.

“So I’ve heard,” You’re glad he has some level of self-awareness. You’re not trying to give writers who are purposefully uninformed about his career when tasked to write a meaningful piece about him any credit, but he was a somewhat difficult subject.

Not in the traditional ways, of course, he’s not storming out of interviews over small details, but he’s so polished that it’s impossible to get much depth out of him beyond his typical media-trained answers.

You always heard the same things about him from other entertainment writers. He was perfectly kind and respectful to work with, but you would have to try especially hard to break him out of his mold.

Even if you felt that you knew him, you didn’t really know him at all.

The thought sits in the back of your mind like an unwanted guest.

“That means you actually have to keep giving me something to work with,” You sigh, gesturing your hands out toward him.

“We’ll see,” He playfully eyes you up and down, but it has a serious undertone. You’ve made some good progress, but you didn’t want to torture him for details. It wasn’t worth being invasive of his boundaries just to make a better article.

He skates off without another word and he’s back in the throes of practicing the routine. After a bit more technical work on the short program, he moves on to the free program.

The music is drastically calmer, it creates a stark contrast to his first routine. It’s still classical, you’d have to inquire exactly what track it was, but the mood of the piece was much lighter. It was smart of him to represent the full duality of his skating abilities.

His movements are almost fairylike, his delicate spins are effortless to watch. This doesn’t undercut the power of his jumps though, still as dramatic as ever. This routine contains far more quadruple jumps than the short program, likely in an effort to show off his technical prowess.

He wasn’t called the “technical prince” for nothing. It’s a nickname that’s been floating around the fandom since your early blog days, first used when fans noticed that young Joshua’s technical scores at competitions were almost always perfect. It’s followed him for years, evolving to show how clean his technique is.

He’s the textbook example of a good figure skater.

Once he finishes the routine, you can tell his stamina is reasonably depleted. From your occasional glances, you can tell it’s quite taxing to do multiple quadruple jump combinations in a row, yet he pulls it off every time.

The rest of the day consisted of him alternating between the routines, cleaning up details that he wasn’t happy with, and practicing the execution of his moves until he finally seemed satisfied with them. After a while, you figure you can’t write much else for this portion of the article without interviewing him again, so you settle further into the unforgivingly cold seats to watch him intently.

“Y/N!” He calls your name suddenly, waving his hand from across the rink.

“What?”

“It’s time to go home,” He beckons his hand for you to come toward him. You don’t hesitate to pack your laptop and assorted notes back into your purse, rushing over to meet up with him on his side of the rink. You don’t exactly know how to process being included in the concept of his home, even though you know it’s a harmless statement.

By the time you reach the other side, he’s already taken his skates off and replaced them with sneakers, his leg anxiously bouncing up and down as he watches you come over. He’s sat toward the end of the bleachers and you can sense that his body is ready to get moving.

“I just have to get a few things from the locker room and I’ll be ready to go. Do you want to go back there with me?” He looks toward the lengthy hallway behind him before looking back at you in anticipation. You didn’t go the first day he invited you to the rink out of an abundance of caution, mostly for your own heart’s sake.

You could keep yourself under control watching him collect his things, right?

“Yeah, I’ll go,” You nod decisively. He gets up and leads you through the hallway until you arrive at a private locker room, the door is adorned with a small nameplate with his name on it. He downplays how fancy it actually is, but it feels like a miniature hotel suite. In addition to the dressing room itself, it also contains a full private bathroom and sizable closet.

“Damn,” you mutter under your breath, looking around the room and taking in the full scope of it.

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” He adds. You’re still looking around and trying not to touch anything in fear of breaking something.

You turn around to voice your opinions, but you notice something else.

Joshua is shirtless. You weren’t exactly objectifying him, but it was definitely hard to not look at him. He’s taking a moment to wipe off the sweat across his chest, it feels a bit pornographic to keep looking at that point. The next time you look, he thankfully has a shirt on so your cheeks can stop fully burning at the sight of him.

He doesn’t notice your stare, but you do observe the shirts that fall to the floor when Joshua accidentally knocks his duffel bag onto the ground.

“I’ve got it,” You chirp, already reaching down to pick everything up.

“It’s okay,” Joshua hurriedly shoulders the bag back onto the bench, double checking that it’s not hanging off precariously like last time.

Your heads both come up at the same time, your faces only a few inches away from each other.

“Are you gonna move?” You inquire quietly. He stares back, obviously in no rush to fold. His glance is tempting, everything about him is tempting.

“Do you want me to move?” He counters.

Shit.

You didn’t want him to at all, the idea of him walking away makes you want to scream. The tension has been mounting the past few days whether you wanted to admit it or not. At first, you chalked it up to him just being a gentleman, but there was always a hint of something else there. His politeness toward his staff was completely different to the kindness he offered you.

The lingering glances on you when he’s cooking, his particularly fond smiles while you talk about something, and the soft touches all add up in your brain.

Now that you were in a different setting, it was crystal clear to you. If there was ever a sign, this was it.

“No,” You shake your head.

“Can I?” He asks and your heart has already melted into a puddle. No one ever asks you for a kiss. You’re not sure if you would’ve rejected him to begin with, but the tenderness leaves you enthralled.

You nod and he meets your lips with ease. He tastes better than you could’ve ever imagined. It doesn’t take long for you to move further into the kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth. He accepts you and naturally picks up the pace, capturing your lips over and over again leaving you few chances to catch your breath.

“Shit,” You step back first and he’s clearly confused.

“Are you ok? We don’t have to do this,” His voice is far too worried for what you’re actually thinking about, poor thing.

“No, I’m fine, I just remembered that I didn’t get to interview you,” You pout. You genuinely feel guilty for not mentioning it before the lust took over your mind, but it still needed to get off your chest.

“That’s okay, we can just do it here,” He reassures you with a nod.

“No,” you caress his arm, “not here.”

It clicks once you start running your hand up and down his bicep, eventually resting your palm on the side of his neck. The gesture is enough to make him arrange his bag faster than you’ve seen him move the entire trip.

—

“God, you taste so fucking good,” Joshua moans into your ear, momentarily taking his lips off yours to catch his breath. You can’t even form sentences at this point, only quiet moans that show your dissolving restraint. He can tell you’re getting tired of holding back too, in fact it seems to bother him quite a bit.

“I wanna hear you,” He whispers again, he suddenly nips your ear in retaliation for being quiet.

It forces a whiny moan out of your throat, it’s embarrassing to bend so easily to him but his quiet humming on your neck is enough indication to you that he’s satisfied.

He insisted on driving you both home and for good reason, he was so helplessly horny that he couldn’t keep his hand off your thigh for the entire drive home. You felt him snake his hand underneath your skirt, but he didn’t go much further than that, his thumb idly rubbing circles on your inner thigh.

The moment you both walked inside the house, Joshua couldn’t contain himself at all against your lips, thus you were barely standing up against the door.

“Josh, please,” you breathe out. Your voice is weak, you can’t even pretend to have your guard up anymore.

“What’s up?” He barely gets it out before his lips are on yours again. You whimper into the kiss again, tapping your hands against his chest to get his attention. You manage to pull away to speak up.

“Please tell me you’re not gonna fuck me against the door,” You pant, looking up at him with a smirk.

He takes a deep breath and tilts his head to look at you intently. You almost think he’s angry until he suddenly picks you up bridal style, ignoring your startled scream with a smile.

He leads you upstairs into his bedroom and tosses you on the bed lightly, you lean back onto your elbows as he inches closer to you.

“You’re so fucking impatient, you know that?” He giggles at you, hands slowly prying open your thighs with gentle hands. You try not to hold your breath in anticipation, but the touch of his fingertips against your skin is already driving you insane.

“You made us rush home because you swore that you needed to get more material for the interview,” He speaks in a low tone, sliding his hands underneath your skirt again, but his hands stop at your hips, massaging the fabric of your underwear.

“I did, I mean, I do,” You stutter out, making eye contact with him. He laughs at your attempt to be coherent and hooks his fingers under both sides of your underwear. He decides to slip the entirety of his hands underneath, seizing your hips with outstretched palms. He yanks you down the bed in one swift movement, making you gasp.

“You kept teasing me with this skirt, ignoring me and acting like you weren’t already soaked for me back at the rink,” He palms the front of your cunt, confirming how desperate you’ve been for him. It makes you shudder and squeeze your eyes closed.

“No no no, baby, keep your eyes open. You’re gonna interview me right now,” He nods at you and your heart drops to your stomach. You’re already somewhat close to cumming, you’re convinced that a single touch to your clit would send you over the edge.

How the hell were you meant to interview him like this?

“Fuck,” You whine, hips already lifting off the bed to gain more friction.

“I know, honey, you have to focus. Can you do that or do you need my cock that badly?” He teases you with lustful eyes and you clench your jaw. You’re determined to prove him wrong, so you put your energy into contemplating a question to start with.

“I can focus, asshole,” You begrudgingly shift your hips to give him better access. You shake your head and come up with a question on the spot, eyes trained on his expectantly.

“What’s a common misconception about your public persona that you hate?” Your voice holds steady and he slides your underwear off quickly.

He hums to himself for a moment, deciding to graze a finger lazily against your folds. “I’m not a people pleaser or a pushover. People think me being a gentleman means I take all kinds of shit, but I don’t,” He slips two fingers into your core, a light smile plays on his lips when he feels you clench around him.

“So you think people in the industry look down on you for that?” You hear your voice lilt for a second as he finds a steady rhythm, curling his fingers instinctively. Your hips are rocking subtly and he clocks this immediately, he moves to cage you between his legs.

“I know they do,” He confirms with a lift of his eyebrows, “especially when I was younger. It fucked with my mentality a lot, but I know better now,” He adds when he sees your pout. He moves up to your chest, tugging your shirt up slightly. He moves back to let you take off your top and bra, but his fingers are still expertly moving inside your walls. The sound of your wetness is absolutely stealing your focus, especially when Joshua decides to force his fingers inside you even harder with low grunts.

He’s an absolute menace, you’re sure of it.

You only nod to his answer, but he disapproves at your silence. “Come on, you know the rules,” He moves up to capture your nipple in his mouth, eliciting soft moans out of you. Your orgasm is definitely on the horizon, the coil in the pit of your stomach is tightening with every bite to your chest.

“So I assume you channel a lot of frustration into your-” He hits your g-spot particularly hard, you let out a strangled cry that forces a tear down your cheek. You clamp a hand over your mouth, but Joshua is already pushing it off your face to leave a peck on your lips.

“Your skating, shit,” You whisper, you force his head back down to meet your lips in a heated kiss. Your tongue enters his mouth with no hesitation and he returns the kiss just as eagerly. He pulls back after a few seconds and leaves a kiss on your cheek.

“Definitely. People can say whatever they want about me, but I know I’m talented. I don’t have to resort to making shit up about my competitors to compensate for a lack of talent,” He laughs at the idea of being that desperate for attention. It makes your walls flutter around his fingers.

“You like it when I hype myself up, huh?” You watch him move to the crook of your neck, biting down hard on an exposed part of your skin.

“Yes, yes yes,” You slur out, eyes fluttering shut. He giggles at your temporary lack of attention before kissing across your jaw. He retreats back down to your thighs again, placing a finger against your clit.

“One more question and you can cum, I promise,” He nods at you and you return it after a moment, but it’s going to be an uphill battle to arrange your mushy brain into a proper thought.

“Do you think you’re the best figure skater in the world?” You sigh into the air, eyes rolling to the back of your head in frustration. It’s an absolutely loaded question, but you know his ego is massive right now since you’re in the palm of his hands.

His fingers still, the pressure remains deep in your core and he runs his free hand through his hair. The whole act would be far sexier than it already is if you weren’t seconds away from covering his fingers in cum.

He laughs quietly before speaking up again. “I do. We both know I am,” His voice is far too cocky for his own good. His stare is stone cold, he holds so much control over you that it’s almost unbearable.

“Now cum,” His nonchalance sends you over the edge instantly. Your high pitched moan goes completely silent, your mouth agape while your neck tilts back in an effort to regain control. Joshua slips his fingers out and moves up to your face, pressing them gently on your bottom lip. You suck them off immediately and watch him coo at you. “Good job, baby. Ready for anything else?”

“Can I take a nap?” You furrow your eyebrows at him, heart full of malice for his unexpectedly great oral skills, yet he’s still smitten with you.

Honestly, Joshua Hong was always gonna be great in bed. It’s not like you didn’t fantasize about having sex with him over the years, but you didn’t expect the prophecy to fulfill itself this easily.

Somehow, he got you all whiny and pliant when you didn’t expect it at all. It was annoying how well he could please you. You were slightly tired, but you didn’t want him to be a cocky shit on top of you again just yet. You needed to recover.

“Sure,” He finally got off the bed, presumably to help you clean up and your suspicions were correct when he returned a minute later with a damp washcloth. You started to sit up, but he made you lie down again.

Who were you to fight Joshua when he offered to tend to your shaking thighs and messy cunt? It was the least he could do after making you work for your orgasm.

—

The next morning, you’re shocked that Joshua is in bed next to you. He was always up and moving pretty early, deep into his morning routine while you were barely conscious.

You, on the other hand, were trying to treat this week partially as a vacation. When Joshua wanted to bring you along to his private schedules, you were still insistent on taking your time to get ready, much to his dismay.

Thus, you were grateful that he could actually slow down for one day while you were here. As your eyes adjusted to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, you realized this was the rest day placed onto his schedule for the week.

You look over to his sleeping form and realize that you’re deeply entangled with his body. Although you’re lying flat on your back, his head is tucked in the crook of your neck. You don’t dare to move your arms or legs though, as his body keeps you essentially trapped into place next to him.

Your minimal movements still stir him awake.

“Hi,” you whisper. He’s still forcing himself into consciousness, but he waves at you. You sit in silence for a few minutes, silently waking each other up with random touches on each other’s face or arms.

“We had sex three times last night, correct?” You ask out of the blue. He’s visibly confused at your sudden line of questioning.

“Not even a good morning?” He mutters, letting out a big yawn immediately after.

“No. I wanna know because I know you remember.”

“After that first part? I’m pretty sure it was three,” His voice is slightly hesitant, but you trust his answer considering he was dominant the entire time. You also wanted to know because it was becoming increasingly harder to deny how much you like him.

You have to admit, it was nice being able to have him like this, to watch him rub the sleep out of his eyes and cuddle without questioning if he wanted you back. He clearly did, even if his pride wouldn’t let himself say it. It was a matter of who would crack first, now that you’ve established the fact that you have undeniable sexual chemistry.

“How did you get me to go three more times?” This question is especially pertinent now that your muscles felt the aches to match that number. You can barely sit up against the headboard without wincing.

“You asked me to,” He put his hands up in defense.

You now remember that you did ask to keep going. The first time was standard, being called a cockslut during the second round made you go feral enough for a third, and the absolute filth of the last round knocked you out completely.

You were fucked, considering that you didn’t want to have sex with anyone else but only had access to said person for a few more days.

“Right,” You sigh.

“What are you planning to do today?”

“I’m gonna edit the article a bit, I’ve been putting it off. What about you?”

“Chores. I need to get a lot of things done, but remind me to run you a bath at some point today. Your muscles hurt, right?” He’s already out of the bed, stretching his arms above his head.

“Yeah, but I don’t-”

“No, I’m running you a bath. Us, technically since my muscles hurt too,” He raises his eyebrows at the thought of pampering himself, but he’s still insistent on the idea.

“Fine,” You bite back the rest of your response and he picks up on it immediately.

“No rebuttal?”

“No,” You pout, jutting your lip out to garner some kind of sympathy. He falls for it, approaching the bed again.

He leans down to leave a chaste kiss on your lips, his mouth naturally moving up to kiss your cheek as well.

“I promise it’ll be worth it, you’ll feel a lot better,” He softens his delivery for you and it barely hurts once he pulls away. He’s had that effect on you lately, his affection so irresistible that even the worst news has a slightly sweet aftertaste coming from him.

“Come on,” He taps his side of the bed to coax you up, and you slowly follow him.

The encouragement works though, as you’re both propelled into a productive afternoon. Joshua gets all of his chores done, somehow doing three loads of laundry and other assorted tasks while you’re editing.

Meanwhile, you’re firmly planted on the couch, trying to make the interview sound cohesive. You don't need to fully edit while you’re on the trip, that’s not even possible with what you have, but you wouldn’t feel right just leaving the entire process until you arrived home.

Joshua gives you an adequate amount of space, only stopping you to make sure you ate lunch or took a break from looking at your laptop screen.

They were welcome distractions, truly. If the process of trying to capture Joshua accurately in the article didn’t make any sense, it was nice to know the real Joshua was somewhere flitting around the house doing the dishes or vacuuming the living room.

Plus, it was nice to paint domestic scenes about him in your mind.

Joshua doesn’t take breaks much at all, this has been true for his entire career. He’s always competing, always performing, always doing someone a favor by being a guest of honor or special performer. It was nice to see him just exist, to fret over if he had enough laundry detergent for his next load and watch him sort his white clothes from his colorful wardrobe.

You wonder if these moments add up for him too, if he craves this kind of quiet domesticity at times.

He places a gentle hand on your shoulder and you look up at him.

“Can we take a bath now? Is it a bad time?” He worries, but you’re ready to pause.

“No, I’m ready,” You confirm. He helps you off the couch with a steady hand. You walk side by side on the way up the staircase this time, arms linked with hands untouched.

His master bathroom is just as simplistically ornate as you figured it would be. The bathtub overlooks the backyard, displaying a gorgeous view of the city skyline right above the trees.

The sun was about to set, so the view was even more picturesque than you could’ve imagined.

Throughout the day, your aches have been pressing at the back of your brain, interrupting your thought process multiple times, so much so that you don’t know why you fought him against this in the first place.

He opts for picking the right temperature for the water while he leaves you to pick out a calming scent to include in the bath.

You pick an expensive looking lavender bubble bath and he smiles when you place the bottle in his hands.

“I’ve been meaning to use this one, actually,” His eyes light up.

“Sure you have,” You sit down next to him, placing your head on his shoulder. You both observe the water slowly filling up the tub, he silently squeezes the bottle under the running water before retreating once the bubbles start to spread throughout the surface.

You both sit in silence just watching the water fill up, the sound of the faucet echoing throughout the room. Once the tub becomes noticeably fuller, he adds more bubble bath until the top is visibly covered with bubbles.

He insists on getting in first, stripping his clothes easily before settling into the tub slowly. You can already see the tension leave his muscles, especially on his face. His jaw loosens and he takes a deep breath.

He opens one eye and giggles when he sees you hesitate to enter. “Come on, I don’t bite,” He reassures you.

You move to take your clothes off in a few quick movements. He watches you with adoration, as if he’s never seen you naked before and he’d like to take it all in for a moment. Stepping into the tub isn’t too difficult, but when he suddenly pulls your waist down, the splashing startles you.

“Josh, you’re gonna get water everywhere,” you whine.

“You’re supposed to be relaxing, remember?” He pulls you flush against his chest. He punctuates his question with kisses behind your ear.

Right. You force yourself to take a breath and settle into his skin.

You know your skin is littered with light bruises from the night before and he seems to notice this, his hand silently tracing over the red marks before stopping near your collarbone.

Once he stops moving and you stop overthinking, the silence is perfect.

It’s not entirely silent, there’s still the hum of the overhead fan creating ambiance, but the dim lights pull you into the fantasy of it all.

You realize that you haven’t felt this peaceful in a long time. Perhaps it’s his presence or the fact that you haven’t sat in silence on your own in so long, but you want it more often.

You want him to envelop your life with his gentle reminders and caring gazes, silently telling you that there’s no point in working yourself to death if there’s no life for you to live outside of that.

“Joshua?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever want your career to slow down?”

He sighs so deeply that you feel it in your chest. “Is this off the record?”

“Yeah.”

“Then yes. I want to slow down so badly, it feels like my body is fighting back against how much I work sometimes,” His response is slightly pained, adjusting his body underneath you.

You pause for a few moments before speaking up again. “What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t-,” He hesitates.

“It’s okay,” Your voice mirrors the softness that he’s given you throughout the day. He gathers his thoughts for a second before trying again.

“I don’t know who I am as a person if I don’t work. This has been my entire life, if I get a few days to myself I feel like I’m going insane,” He sounds so tired of keeping up the charade, tired of being everyone’s perfect gentleman, just tired of it all.

“Have you told your team?”

“Yeah. After this Olympics cycle, I’m pulling back. I need to before it’s too late, you know?”

“Absolutely. I don’t want you to burn out even more.”

“I’ve been burnt out for ages, so what’s a little bit longer,” He chuckles bitterly. It felt like a poor response the moment you said it, but something in you hoped it wasn’t wrong to be concerned.

“So you’re gonna do the charity skate tomorrow even though you’re burnt out,” You predict.

“I mean, yeah, the skating itself isn’t the problem. I love performing, I’m just not built to keep going without consistent breaks anymore,” He reasoned.

It made complete sense knowing how quickly his career ascended once he entered the elite circuit. He hasn’t left the top 10 of the World Standings since his first full elite competition season which is incredibly hard for anyone to keep up throughout their career.

It’s no wonder that he’s tired of keeping an unmanageable pace.

“I’m sorry,” You whisper. You don’t know what else to say. What could you even tell him?

“Please, it’s not your fault.”

“Do you want me to put this in the interview? Or just write some filler paragraph about it?” You giggle through the last question and he's amused as well.

“Filler, please. I’m confident you won’t make me sound like a dick,” He plants a kiss on your cheek as a silent thank you.

“I promise I won’t.”

“I am excited for the show tomorrow though,” He shifts the conversation and it’s a welcome change.

“Anything fun planned for your number?” You asked.

From what you’ve read, Joshua’s rink held the annual charity skate event in order to honor the professional skaters who train in their facilities, allowing them space to perform routines that they may not have had the chance to otherwise. Notoriously, skaters were extremely flashy with their songs and costumes since there was significant creative freedom.

“Not really, it’s nostalgic of my old numbers.”

“Will I remember it?”

“Definitely, it made your ranking of my best performances forever ago,” His laugh vibrates through your body.

“That list definitely holds up, by the way,” You defend your teenage choices blindly, you definitely hadn’t seen it since you posted it, but it’s nice that he actually remembered some of the content you posted.

“I know you’ll love it,” He presses a long kiss on your cheek once again, but lingers against your face this time.

You’re back to silence again for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other,” You apologized. You can sense that he’s already shaking his head no at your words before you can finish your sentence.

“It’s just as much my fault as it’s yours.”

“You know I was avoiding you, though,” You clarified.

“I noticed that,” You could tell that he was smiling through the response, it makes your cheeks burn.

“I was definitely doing the same though,” He immediately follows it up. In all honesty, it was a relief that both of you decided to bury yourselves in shaping your respective careers. You were unintentionally coping in the same ways, silently hoping the other person was making better choices.

Alas, you were too similar for that to be true.

“But you know what?”

“Hm?”

“I’m really proud of you. I haven’t told you that enough and I feel terrible. I should’ve been there for you,” he replies earnestly.

After all this time, he was proud of you. In retrospect, you thought you were too obsessive or had unintentionally crossed his boundaries as a fan. Yet, that was never the case. He was always grateful that you supported him at every turn, so why wouldn’t he return that gratitude to you?

You didn’t need his validation, the initial interview all those years ago was enough to satisfy you a million times over, but he needed to express it.

You were eternally grateful that he acted on that need.

However, that last part of the confession urges you to sit up completely. You turn your body as much as possible to face him without splashing the water too much.

“You were there for me.”

“Leaving comments on your Instagram is not supporting you in the way you need, you know that,” He counters.

He’s right. You adjusted your expectations for Joshua years ago, you weren’t happy with how things were, but you accepted that your communication would always be limited.

You didn’t have the courage to talk to him, you figured things would never change. It wasn’t smart, you wasted far too much time refusing to invest in your relationship simply because of your own cowardice.

It seems he also became content with barely doing enough.

“I’m sorry for doing the same thing.”

“This can be a truce, then. I want us to be closer if you want that,” He holds out his hand and you take it immediately.

“I absolutely want that,” You're grinning so hard that your cheeks hurt. “So this means you want to kiss me again?”

“You have a massive hickey on your neck and you don’t think I want to kiss you again?” He’s almost fed up, but that smirk tells you otherwise.

“I’m just making sure,” You lower your head coyly. “Come here, babe,” He beckons you over, but he’s too eager to let you make the entire distance. He captures your lips with ease, placing his hand on your cheek. You steady yourself with your hand on his arm, leaning into the kiss with a sense of urgency.

It’s only a few moments before you pull back. “Josh, the water is so fucking cold,” You laugh through your shivers.

He reaches behind you to open the drain and kisses you again. You can’t help but smile against his lips.

The new uncharted territory you’ve forged with him makes your skin burn with excitement.

—

As soon as you arrive at the backstage area of the rink, Joshua’s whisked away by his stylist and assistants to the dressing room. You’re escorted to a VIP viewing area towards the top of the rink, a lounge with access to multi-view screens and a bird’s eye view of the ice.

Before the show starts, you familiarize yourself with the other figure skaters performing tonight. You’ve heard of all of them to some extent, having watched them in anticipation of Joshua’s performances in the past at invitationals and other competitions. Tonight was no different, as Joshua would be the last skater performing tonight.

The marketing team knew exactly what they were doing with that decision.

There were definitely fans of the other skaters dispersed throughout the stadium, but most people you saw were Joshua fans, carrying slogans and wearing merch with his name on it.

Some people even recognize you on the way up to the VIP section which throws you for a loop. They were mainly shocked that you were even at this kind of event in the first place, but it felt validating to be complimented for something outside of him.

Although the other skaters are highly entertaining to watch, your mind feels ready to see Joshua perform. Their performances are satisfying, but that particular spark is missing. It feels reminiscent of when you’d anxiously stay up to watch livestreams of his performances at 3 am, live updating your followers on the exact time when Joshua would be performing.

It was bittersweet to be able to watch him in person. It’s been years since you’ve watched him perform in the flesh, but the circumstances feel perfectly aligned.

“Performing Every moment of you, please welcome Joshua Hong,” The announcer’s voice booms through the stadium speakers and the stadium erupts into cheers. The sight of him waving to the camera is enough to leave the stadium in shambles, so his steps onto the ice are even more precious.

The pink top was the right choice now that he’s about to perform. He made you pick between a few options earlier in the day, but the sheer sleeves and pastel color match the mood perfectly. His side parted hair is neatly styled and light makeup highlights his soft features. The lighting really does his face justice as he purses his lips slightly, adjusting his head slightly down to enter his starting pose.

He moves a hand onto his heart and tucks his right leg behind his left.

As soon as the music starts, your heart clenches.

He chose this particular song, out of all his older routines. This song was in constant rotation throughout his first elite competition season, you could practically see it in your sleep.

When you watch him, you notice that the routine has barely changed either, the step sequences are just as smooth as you remember with delicate flairs of his new style.

The music is somehow more emotional than you remember, a sign that his artistry evokes such a vivid image that you can only think of him and this particular routine when you hear the song.

The execution of his combination jumps are flawless as always, and the audience agrees with loud applause every time he lands them. It seems as though he doesn’t have to try as he glides around the rink, a dreamy expression paints his face as he visibly connects with the lyrics.

He always transformed into a new character in every routine while still maintaining his own distinct style, it was something you deeply admired about his skating.

Before you know it, the song slowly comes to a close and Joshua stands in that final pose you remember so well, his face settling into a soft smile.

The crowd is absolutely obsessed with him, you look to see that many people were on their feet for a standing ovation. You immediately join in, looking toward his reaction. The cameras capture his shock, he’s pleasantly surprised by all the fanfare. He takes it in for another minute or so, looking up at the people in the stands with appreciative eyes. He finally bows his head and waves before skating off the ice.

When the entire group is called back onstage for final bows and the closing ceremony, he is once again dazzled by how intensely the crowd cheers for him once he’s introduced onstage. It’s precious to watch him try to shake it off with his hands on his face, looking to his fellow performers for a way to avoid the attention. He has always been appreciative of his support, always remaining humble in the face of his popularity constantly growing.

It doesn’t take as long as you expected for him to meet up with you. He asks you to wait in the hallway outside his dressing room, and he soon emerges; he barely lets you get a word out before enveloping you in a hug.

“What did you think?”

“I didn’t think you’d pick that one, honestly!” Your enthusiasm quiets when he kisses you and you suddenly feel acutely aware of the staff around you. He notices your shyness and pulls himself against your ear again.

“We’ll be alone soon, okay? I’m glad you liked it,” He punctuates his sentence with a kiss on the cheek. It made you relax into his touch and hold your hand while you were still in the venue.

Once outside, he lets go to briefly wave at the crowd of his fans before placing his hand on the small of your back.

You hear the gasps when he does it, but you don’t look back at the crowd. The judgment stays in your skin once you’re both escorted into the SUV, even when Joshua’s trying to get your attention with kisses to your hand.

“What are you thinking about, babe?”

“Nothing,” It’s easier to lie in the moment. He eyes you for a bit longer but ultimately doesn't question you any further.

You can’t tell him that everything feels especially temporary now. You know what it’s like to be on the opposite side of it as a fan, the initial feeling of seeing him make contact with a new romantic interest is always shocking. Neither of you owed them anything, you never had to reveal the depth of relationship if that’s what you both wanted.

He says he wants you, but that inevitable “what happens next” conversation hasn’t happened and you’re leaving in the next 48 hours. If there was any time to figure out the definition of your relationship, it was now.

Although the conversation in the bath last night was enlightening, you needed some kind of finality. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for vague promises anymore.

Will he make you a priority when his schedule is about to amp up even more?

If you needed to move on, you’d rather know now before you’re on another 13 hour flight left to your own devices.

—

You’re able to tag along with Joshua to his practice session with his coach on your last full day in town.

Although the conclusion of the trip takes up most of your brain space, it’s still interesting to watch his skating become informed by a new perspective. You couldn’t hear all of the critiques in detail, but it was enough to understand how Joshua’s energy was shaped through their leveled guidance.

He switched from his longtime coach once he broke his ankle, understandably citing that the old coach had pushed him to the point of collapse, no matter how grateful he may have been for his old coach’s support thus far.

The dynamic was far more supportive, you concluded. You were able to get more writing done, but your eyes drift to him more often than not.

He practices intensely for around 6 hours today, still a considerate amount of time considering the other practice days in his schedule. He didn’t appear distracted when you were watching him, but he was clearly eager to be alone with you again. He was practically pulling you into the front door once you arrived at his home.

He leads you upstairs to his bedroom before closing the door quickly.

“Kiss me,” His request is urgent, and you oblige despite feeling hesitant.

It’s best to just kiss him, to enjoy a good thing standing right in front of you while you have it.

He’s showing all his tells that he wants more than just kisses, cradling the back of your head, moaning into your mouth. It all still feels so enticing.

Yet, as always, he seems to notice something’s off before you can. He must notice the tension in your body that you tried your best to will away. He pulls out of the kiss and examines your eyes.

“Are you ok?” He’s slightly panting. You force yourself to close your eyes to steady your nerves.

“No,” you admit.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this, you know that.” He knows exactly what you mean by the way his shoulders drop. He looks nervous, not sure if he’s about to lose you.

“Why not? What would be so wrong about being with me?” He’s genuinely upset, fighting your answer almost instantly. Therein lies the problem, there’s nothing wrong about dating him as a person. It was simply the logistics that made everything far more complicated than your heart could bear.

“Nothing,” your voice trembles. “It would be great,” A tear falls from your eye and he’s already reaching up to wipe it away. You don’t stop him from touching your face.

“But I can’t be halfway across the world from you, I can’t watch you pretend to love me and then start dating someone else right in front of my face again.”

“You know dating Ara wasn’t my choice, I wouldn’t do that to you again,” His voice is strangely quiet.

Ara was a famous Korean actress who was practically a critic’s darling at this point in her career. She dated Joshua for 4 years, long enough for the Korean public to become absolutely enamored with the idea of them. The concept of Korea’s charming upcoming actress and Korea’s technical skating prince dating each other was obviously popular among netizens, so their sudden breakup was quite shocking.

Their conflicting schedules made it a perfect storm for them to stop speaking to each other.

It all ended very publicly, but somehow Joshua was still beloved in the end. He always was.

At a work gala he was the guest of honor for, he told you that he wanted to be with you over drinks. There were many kisses exchanged in a secluded hallway, promises linger against your skin and you thought they were real.

She was his plus one, but he insisted that they were just friends.

You trusted him, and their relationship was announced a few days later. You were crushed, it made you regret ever thinking you could be more than a fan who simply pushed her luck.

“You stayed with her for 4 years, you loved her,” You persisted.

“No, I didn’t.”

“She said you did,” It bites harder than you expect, but it’s true. There were numerous interviews of her confirming the depths of their relationship. Whenever she mentioned him, there was always long-term commitment implied.

“I promise you I didn’t.” He squares his jaw as he insists on it being false.

“Why did you lie? Why didn’t you just let me down easy? You do it with literally every fan,” You shake your head, knowing exactly what he’s been through. You’ve seen the death threats, ultimatums, and invasive love offers that he’s received over the years. If he could handle that with grace, he could at least give you a proper response.

“You know you mean more to me than that,” He begged.

“If I mean more to you, then you shouldn’t have done it,” You respond. It’s selfish, you know it is.

“You can’t be fucking serious! It was to further my career, you of all people should know that,” He yelled. His voice doesn’t deter you, it simply makes you more determined.

“You could’ve fought back like you’ve done at any other point of your career. You should have fought for me,” You try to yell back but your voice falters again.

“This is me fighting for you, I want you,” He pleaded, moving closer to you out of desperation. Yet, you avoid his eye contact to close your eyes.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” You griped, shaking your head out of frustration. You hate that he’s dodging the question. You’ve seen him fight over much less, you’re not sure why he can’t recognize that he could’ve tried for you.

“You’re fighting me over hypotheticals, shit that hasn’t even happened yet.”

“You had another reason,” You state unremarkably, finally opening your eyes again. It was never a black or white situation, not with him.

“What?”

“You stayed with her for another reason.”

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and internally resets before looking at you again.

“I didn’t want you to feel tied to me. I already knew what people were saying about you because of me, I knew you didn’t want me overshadowing your career. I didn’t want to haunt you,” He seems desperate to make you see his side of it.

“But you did, from the moment I met you. I knew I’d never be able to get over you. I built up a picture of you in my mind for years, and you actually fit it. I was stupid enough to think that my dumb luck would actually let me date you,” You confessed. You lower your head by the time you finish speaking.

He didn’t seem to understand that the dynamic would’ve always been uneven between you, but you were willing to risk it.

“Y/N,” He starts.

“I was fucking devastated that I still needed you,” you interrupt him, “I was doing perfectly fine, but I knew I would regret not doing this interview. I let you in one last time, to see if it’d be different than before, but you’re not ready. You’re still not ready and it was my fault for expecting too much of you.”

The silence is loud, you both have to process all of the feelings stirred up between you.

“I’m sorry.”

You’re not sure if that’s enough.

“Just indulge me for a second, do you love me?” You ask desperately.

He doesn’t speak. He looks torn, as if he wants to but something deep inside himself still hesitated to admit it. It confirms your worst fear, that even when there’s no other obstacles in the way, he can’t be what you need.

You scoff, wiping your face once again.

“Thanks for letting me stay here, I guess,” You walk back to your room and shut the door behind you. You unconsciously listen for any movement outside the door, to see if he would chase after you.

He doesn’t.

He does a variety of tasks in the kitchen, you hear running water and the sound of cabinet doors shutting, but he never approaches the door.

The kitchen light turns off and you hear his bedroom door shut.

You’re honestly glad he left you alone, but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

As you settle into bed, you remember that he wanted to drive you to the airport tomorrow.

You’d rather walk the entire way than let him see you like this.

—

Joshua is an idiot, all things considered.

It was right there, he had the chance to tell you everything and give you his entire heart, but the words were stuck in his throat. He can barely go to sleep that night, but he could at least send you off to the airport the next morning.

It was wishful thinking that the drive would be any less painful, but he could at least fulfill his promise of taking you there. Thus, he doesn’t expect the guest room to be empty when he stumbles out of his room to go make himself breakfast.

He’s suddenly on high alert, thinking of all the things that could’ve possibly happened to you.

His internal monologue stops when he sees a note downstairs on the kitchen counter. He picks it up and curses under his breath.

“Changed my flight, your driver took me to the airport. Thanks again for letting me stay. - Y/N”

The message feels so stiff, it lacks any of your personality. Yet, he couldn’t pity himself for too long, he had to find you.

He had no idea if your flight had already taken off or not, but he at least had a location. Your original flight wasn’t until late afternoon, so he figured you must have been really fed up to change it to a mid-morning flight. The anger you felt transcended your hatred of mornings, and that was enough to really get Joshua moving.

He decided to stick with the clothes he had on to minimize the amount of time in the house. He wasn’t sure if it was smart to buy an impulse ticket for a flight he wasn’t going on, but he did it anyway.

As he sat in his car, he wasn’t sure if he locked the front door, but the adrenaline made him forget altogether.

The drive to the airport was a complete blur, he was certain that he blew through a few just-turned-red lights in an effort to get there. Once he arrives, he is anything but discreet.

He thanks his lucky stars that he gets a short security line so that he can run through the airport to find you. He only stops to check the massive flight board for flights to your city before picking up the pace again, almost running into a few people on the way.

He just had to make it to gate 12.

He spots the gate out of the corner of his eye, almost missing it due to his haste. He scans his eyes quickly across the group of people to see if you could possibly be there.

He’s almost given up on searching for you, but just like the movies, he finds you sitting in the corner wearing that particular writing hoodie.

He knows whatever way he chooses to approach you, it’ll scare you. Yet, he opts for the least terrifying option.

He walks over, taking a small breath before speaking up.

“Hi,” It comes out far too hesitant, but it still gets your attention. You look up at him, evidently confused but annoyance shows up quicker.

“What are you doing here?” You’re not moved at all, he felt like an inconvenience.

“We need to talk. Can I sit with you?” He points to the empty chair and you stare at him for a moment. You quietly oblige, giving a quick nod. You didn’t reject him outright, so that’s a win in his book.

“I’m really sorry about last night. I should’ve told you how I felt,” His voice is hushed so as to not disturb anyone else around you. Most people were sitting further away, but he didn’t want to take any chances. You only look forward, not acknowledging him at all.

“I thought about everything and you were right to be worried. I haven’t shown you that you can trust me to commit,” He continues.

“Whatever you want to do, that’s fine. I just,” He stops his train of thought to take a breath.

“I love you. I should’ve told you the moment you asked me, I should’ve told you the first day you came to town. I always knew,” He finishes with a shaky breath. You both sit in silence for longer than he’d like, but it’s understandable. Your longtime crush lets you down then admits he’s loved you for ages, it’s a lot for anyone to process.

“Joshua?”

He turns to face you. “Yeah?”

“That was corny as fuck,” You let out a laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. He’s happy to see you smile for a bit, even if it’s at his expense.

“I know, I just needed to tell you before you left,” He laughs quietly. It covers up the temporary embarrassment he feels. No matter what you tell him, he figures that it was worth it to put everything on the line.

“I forgive you, though. And I love you too,” You smile through the reply and your voice is the softest he’s ever heard it.

The newness of it all makes him blush.

“Still can’t look at me, huh? Do I make you nervous?” He touches your shoulder in a silent plea for you to let him in.

“Fuck off,” You finally make eye contact with him and grab his hand, fingers automatically intertwined with his. You press the back of his hand to your mouth for a kiss. The gesture quiets all his lingering fears.

“I’m not relocating for you though, I like my apartment and my job,” You give him a pointed look.

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that. Plus I told you I’m trying to slow down, remember?” The realization hits your face and it makes him giggle.

“Does that mean you’re moving in with me?”

“It might,” He suggests. He thinks he’s a pretty decent roommate, but he’d change his bad habits in a heartbeat if it meant you were more comfortable.

“Not before the Olympics though. And you’d need to sell the house, right?”

“Yeah. Shit, you’re really getting ahead of me here,” He didn’t really consider all the details yet, especially thinking about how shocked his management team would be at the decision, but he knew you were too good to lose.

He lived enough of his life without you, and it was time to switch things up.

“Just making sure you’re aware of what all of this would mean,” You remind him. It was a completely fair critique considering how many directions his life was currently being pulled in.

“Of course, but I’m coming to visit before I move. Many times,” He’s already mentally planning out a schedule in his head, plotting out weekend getaways and week-long trips just to spend time with you again.

“You won’t have your own room though, sorry,” You sigh in fake concern.

“I think we can make that work,” He assured you with a smile.

“I still can’t believe you bought a fucking plane ticket to get past security to come find me. You’re insane,” You shake your head at him in disbelief.

“Your boyfriend is insane,” He stresses the term, “and it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t let you get away like that.”

You both talk for a while, just drinking in each other’s presence as a new couple. While you’re recounting your metal detector encounters, it hits him that he doesn’t know when he’ll see you again.

Everything keeps getting busier between the two of you, and the possible timeframe of him moving seems further and further away with each passing moment.

He desperately wants to slow everything down in his career immediately, for all of his responsibilities to be taken care of for him.

The boarding process begins and he’s wistful, he didn’t think it would hurt so deeply to let you go home. He pulls you into a tight hug, his head nestled into the crook of your neck. “I love you so much, baby,” His voice wavers.

“Don’t fucking cry, you’ll make me cry,” You whisper, curling into his body even further. It makes him smile despite the tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? I promise,” He attempts to steady his voice, but it’s no use. The moment he has the love of his life, you’re already leaving.

You lean back and press your lips to his, you move as quickly as time permits. It’s not the kiss he wants, but it’s enough to sate him.

He pulls away first, kissing your cheek before standing back to get a good look at you.

“Now go, they’re about to finish up your section,” He pointed to the gate with a watery laugh, finally wiping his cheeks from the tears.

You wave one last time as your ticket gets scanned and you’re no longer in view.

He’s not ready to go back to an empty house, one without you sitting on the couch bundled up in his blankets, staring at your computer with squinted eyes. He’s not ready to fall asleep without you next to him and wake up the next day knowing you wouldn’t be up until midday.

You’ve worked your way into his life and he can’t picture another second without you in it.

He decides that whenever you’re available to talk on the phone, you would plan his first visit.

That was the only way he could cope with the time and distance that seemed impossible to cross.

—

The Joshua profile is edited and completed in due time, somehow without losing your sanity.

Joshua is always sending you his edits, many of which are rejected the moment he comments them. Yet, you promise him that he can have input on another piece.

Once it’s approved through final edits, the profile is received well, all things considered. While there are unavoidable critiques, it still resonates with fans and writers alike. It goes considerably less viral than your other content with him, but viral nonetheless. It gets another boost in attention when Joshua reveals your relationship to the public exactly two months after it’s posted, and people are now re-examining the profile for signs of love blooming in between the lines.

These recent post-profile interviews he did were keeping you company during your downtime after work. You’d find yourself watching them on your laptop in bed, craving the sound of his voice when he was caught up in practice. He told you to watch this one specifically when it was uploaded though, so you decided to listen to him.

“So we have to talk about your relationship and the article,” The late night host segues into the new topic and Joshua handles it with ease.

“Of course,” He’s nodding along.

“So you fall in love with one of your biggest fans and do this reunion interview after 10 years? What’s the whole story?”

“Well, she’s been a fan of mine for my entire career and we first met when she made this viral blog post about me qualifying for my first Olympics,” He recounts the story for what feels like the millionth time, but you still eat it up every time. He has an exact script that you can almost know how he’ll phrase it.

“We film an interview and that goes even more viral, like 20 million views or something crazy,” He stops to laugh for a moment and the audience laughs along with him.

“We met up a few times over the years, but I finally suggested we do something for the 10 year anniversary of the interview. That’s how it all came together,” He nods with a grin.

“That’s amazing, is there anything you want to tell her?”

He looks directly into the camera and takes a breath. “Just that I miss you and love you very much,” His voice softens and the audience lights up with applause. He blows a kiss to the camera before the host switches topics once again, moving on to more Olympics talk for the rest of the video.

The declaration of love is simple, he’s not the kind of guy to make these big sweeping gestures of love, but it’s more than enough for you. You send him a quick text approving of the video and your heart is extremely full.

He moves in right after the Olympics end, but he’ll have a chance to properly decompress from the competition. The anticipation is enough to almost drive you insane, but the wait will be worth it.

—

The Olympics are a complete blur, as expected. You try to enjoy other events during your time there, but the men’s individual skate is the only thing on your mind. Joshua tried to make things for you as comfortable as possible despite living in the designated Olympic Village. He always complained that he wasn’t able to see you by sending you lots of heartfelt texts, but you teased him that he just needed to focus on competition.

Joshua won the gold medal, as expected by numerous sports networks and prediction experts.

You knew he’d win too, obviously.

Although he performed last in the final group, moving his rank down to 5th before his free skate performance, his final showing put him 10 full points above 2nd place.

Your boyfriend, who has been swept up in podium ceremonies, post-skate interviews, and a celebratory dinner is finally alone with you in your hotel room and you intend to make the most of it.

“Congratulations,” You’re practically yelling in his ear as he smothers you in a hug, clutching the back of your head. He’s free of the costume and makeup from earlier in the night, even his team tracksuit was exchanged for an old shirt and shorts.

“Thank you, baby,” His response is muffled against your shirt. You pull away to admire his face for a moment before leaning in for a deep kiss.

He’s feeling just as desperate as you are, swiping his tongue into your mouth with ease. It’s been so long since you’ve had a chance to just kiss him, let alone see him for more than a few minutes at a time. There were still press circuits and endless events for him to attend, but for a moment he was simply your gold medalist.

You barely come up for air for the next few minutes, getting all of the long distance reunion induced kisses out of your system. You step away to breathe against his neck and collect your thoughts.

“I’m so proud of you, like I was fully sobbing in my seat after the scores.”

“You were?” He questions, eyes widening.

“Of course, you’ve worked so hard to get here after everything. It makes me wanna cry all over again,” You’re so fond that it makes your heart swell for him.

“My poor baby, crying her eyes out over me like the good old days,” He coos.

“Yeah,” You let out a shaky laugh and wiped a stray tear from your eye. There were no ways to describe how it felt to watch the love of your life succeed from so many points of view, in some ways your relationship is a time capsule of your adolescence.

Joshua is simultaneously the object of your youth and the promise of a better future.

The journey is never lost on you, all of the time spent learning each other all over again reinvigorated your spirit.

“I’m ready to go home with you, I’m just so tired,” He whispers. The collective stress of the past few years is catching up with him now that the hardest part is over, that sense of normalcy needed to come sooner rather than later.

“I know, love. Just a few more days and we can sleep in as much as we want,” You think out loud, but he seems to like the idea as you cup his face in your hands. The tension melts from his face the longer you stay still and he lets out a quiet hum.

“Can we cuddle?”

“Of course,” You would’ve wanted to do it anyway, but you couldn’t say no to him in this state.

Once you both crawled onto the bed, he naturally put his head on your chest. It doesn’t take long before you’ve both fully relaxed into each other’s touch. The silence is needed after nonstop stimulation from the outside world.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He doesn’t hesitate this time, it's saturated with adoration for you. You feel the warmth on your cheeks and respond accordingly.

“I love you too.”

He sits up, staring at you with so much love in his eyes. He kisses you just to do it, but it’s perfectly fine by you.

You swear that you could live in this moment forever. There would always be deadlines approaching, endless amounts of work waiting for you, but these moments were too precious to take for granted.

There’s so much love for him in your body that it doesn’t know where to go, but you figure that you’ll find somewhere to place it within due time.

There’s no use in grieving wasted time when his love is nestled so neatly in your heart, allowing you to indulge in the infinite futures you’re able to build together.

He’s not going anywhere, there’s still time.

There will always be time.

#YALLLLLLL ITS DONEEEEEEE #I’m so fucking happy you have no idea #this is quite literally a novel so sorry lol #joshua smut #joshua fluff #joshua scenarios #joshua angst #joshua fic #svt fluff #svt smut #svt angst #seventeen smut

3K notes · View notes

ironstrange1991 · 2 years

Text

Anything Else, Mr Stark?

+18 Smut

Pairing: TonyStark x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,3k

Warnings: Age gap, Slight female dominance, Love bites, Dirty Talk, Male and female oral sex, Male and female masturbation, fingering, P in V.

Synopsis: When the reader gets a job in the Stark Industries she doesn't imagine that she would work as assistant to Tony Stark himself. The chemistry between them is instantaneous.

Based in this ask: I’m a big fan of your strange smut and see that your also a big tony fan. Could we get some Tony/reader fluffy smut with a dominate reader pls?

A/N: I dont know about the fluffy part, but I tried to make this very smutty. It was a little bit hard to write Tony, but I hope I made him justice. I really love the guy. Hope you guys like it ;)

You were always great at getting into trouble, but this time you felt like you had crossed the line and while you were extremely happy to finally get exactly what you wanted, you were also terrified over thinking about what it meant to you and your job and your career.

You've always been the prodigy in high school, you've always gotten top grades in college, and it wasn't all that surprising when you got an internship to work at Stark Industries. It was your line of work, it was your goal and you celebrated a lot when it happened, you just didn't imagine that such a vacancy would be to be Tony Stark's own personal assistant. It was ridiculous, he was old enough to be your father, he was a snob and he was self-centered and all, but you always had a crush on him, the kind you have on celebrities. After all, that's what Tony Stark has always been to the world, a celebrity and of course, a superhero.

You barely knew where to start and when you went through HR you heard all sorts of comments and advice from "He'll flirt with you all the time, but don't get too excited he does it with everyone." to "It will be extremely difficult to replace Miss Pottz, she was his right hand, man."

On the first day of work you barely managed to eat in the morning and put on at least three changes of clothes before deciding what to wear. You wanted to look like a serious person, you wanted to look professional and maybe even a little older, but dressing differently didn't necessarily change your personality. When you arrived, the first person who saw you was his private security, Happy Logan.

"I imagine you already got your badge from HR. You must wear it all the time. It's a company requirement and it doesn't matter that you're not going to work within the company, you must wear it anyway."

You nodded, taking the badge out of your bag and putting it on your shirt and only then did you realize what he said.

"What do you mean I'm not going to work at the company? I applied for an internship here.."

The security guard walked out expecting you to follow him out of the building and opened the car door for you "You're the boss's new assistant, you're going to work at his house."

While you started work taking care of the schedule and events he needed to attend and the documents he needed to sign, you soon realized that being Tony Stark's assistant also included participating in auctions to acquire the paintings he wanted, buy cufflinks and socks and his favorite deodorant. You didn't really care about it, in fact you liked it and it was kind of embarrassing to admit to yourself why.

It took you two weeks to finally meet Tony Stark in person. You had spoken to him by phone and email and many texts, but finally seeing him in front of you was a terrifying experience, but in a good way.

Friday, the AI who ran the house and everything else, told you that he had arrived and wanted you to meet him at the workshop and so you went downstairs, the sound of ACDC blaring from the speakers. You had your tablet in hand ready to jot down anything he said or asked and tried your best to camouflage your nervousness and look as professional as possible.

You found him getting rid of the Iron armor he was wearing, and you were stunned to finally be in Iron Man's presence.

He finished what he was doing and turned around to face you "So you're the famous Y/N I've been talking to all this time."

You felt your face turning red "Me... famous? You're the celebrity Mr Stark"

He nodded still seeming to analyze you from head to toe "You dont need to call me sir, it makes me feel old. By the way, are you sure you're old enough to work? How old are you? 16?"

You blinked slightly offended "I'm 25"

He nodded "25..." He clapped his hands "Anyway, we have a lot to do, the holidays are over, Dad is home and I have at least 5 events to go to, two of them in the same night, I hope you're taking care of my schedule."

You nodded showing him what you had programmed on the tablet, but he interrupted you "No need to show me darling, I trust you. Just tell me what I need to do."

You nodded looking at him, his words taking root in your mind as you watched him take off the shirt he was wearing and put on another one. The man had known you for five minutes and was changing clothes in front of you.

"I've been told I need to let go of control and let people tell me what to do. Let's try this and see if it works better than last time."

You bit your lower lip looking at the tablet screen "You have a meeting with the company's shareholders tomorrow at 9 am. In the afternoon you need to dedicate some time to your project with the Nanotechnology armors, so I booked the restaurant for dinner with the possible new shareholders for 7pm and 9pm you must be at the charity ball for the benefit of..."

He came towards you "Sounds great. There's only one problem" He pointed at you and you were waiting for him to say something serious. "I don't have anyone to go to the gala with." He grimaced, "Yeah, I know, it's a tragedy. Can you imagine what they would say if the great Tony Stark arrived alone?"

You didn't understand what he was getting at or even if he was serious, sometimes it was hard to tell.

"Do you have a dress?"

"Me?" You stuttered "Yeah...yes, but..."

"On second thought, take some free time this afternoon and buy one, you can use the cooperative card, after all you'll be working."

You blinked, realizing what he was suggesting. "You want me to go to the gala with you?"

He nodded. "Can you think of a better way for me to make a good impression than to arrive at it with a 25 year old beauty?"

You looked away. You had already been warned about the flirtations, but it was hard not to react to them.

Happy Logan took you to shopping and you felt a little uncomfortable about the whole situation not just because you were buying a dress to go to the gala with your boss who happened to be the most famous billionaire in the world, but also because your heart was racing and you felt that your little experience with work and romantic relationships would be a hindrance to dealing with Stark's flirtations. After all, even knowing that they were just silly flirtations, you couldn't help but fantasize a lot of things in your head.

The next day passed so quickly that you barely noticed. At night you got ready in your long black dress and your high heels. You left your hair down to hide the bare back of the dress that you now thought was too flashy and put on a minimum of makeup.

You heard the sound of the Audi pulling up in front of your apartment and swallowed the saliva. You got into the car feeling like you might have a heart attack at any moment. He was gorgeous, as always. He wore a gray four-piece suit with a burgundy tie and flashy sunglasses even though it was night and the smell of his perfume was the most wonderful thing in the world. "Miss Y/L/N"

You smile "Mr Stark."

He smiles driving fast through the avenue.

The party passed in a blur for you. Stark passed from table to table greeting other millionaires and billionaires, Elon Musk was at the event. He kept his hands firmly on your waist the entire time and never introduced you as his assistant, it was always by your first name and although you told yourself that this should be something he would do to anyone, it wasn't what it looked like.

Although he offered all the time, you avoided drinking more than a glass of martini feeling too inebriated just by his presence and at the end of the night he dragged you out onto the dance floor and you knew he had had quite a few shots of whiskey. But you couldn't help but wonder what might come next.

"Is everything okay? You're a little too quiet."

He almost whispered in your ear.

"Sorry Mr Stark, I confess I'm a little uncomfortable dancing with you and I've just started this job and people might think that..."

"Let them think! I want them to think about it."

You looked at him in surprise "You don't need to explain yourself, but I do, Mr Stark."

He smiles at you, that smile you only saw on TV, that ironic, exaggerated smile that personally made your legs go soft.

"I think I'm enjoying hearing you call me Mr Stark, sounds dangerously sexy don't you think?"

You swallowed the saliva gently placing your hand on his chest and interrupting the dance "I think... I need to go to the bathroom."

He nodded leading you away from the dance floor. When you walked into the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror your face felt like it was on fire and it wasn't just your face that was in that state.

You sighed and washed your hands, two women walked past you, staring and whispering. Of course, that could not go unnoticed. You turned your back to the sink taking a deep breath and looked at the time on your phone, it was already past 11pm.

You sighed and walked out of the bathroom to spot Stark talking to a man who looked faintly familiar, but you didn't know where you knew him from. You walked purposefully to him, ready to ask him to leave and the man walked away before you got close.

"It's everything alright?" He asked sipping another shot of whiskey and looking at you as if he could undress you with his eyes.

You nodded "If it's okay, I'd like to leave now. I'm a little tired and I have a headache."

He nodded, downing the rest of the whiskey from the glass in one gulp and held out his arm for you and you walked out the front door together.

"Are you sure you have a headache or did you want to leave the party because I make you uncomfortable?" He said after a good few minutes of akward silence as he drove.

You shook your head "It wasn't what I meant."

He nodded taking the avenue in the opposite direction he should have "Where are you going?"

He smiles "Home.

"Mr Stark..."

He gave you a quick glance and then turned his attention to the front, "Don't tell me I've imagined all this sexual tension between us since the first time we saw each other yesterday morning?"

You were speechless.

"Look, if you want me to take you home I will, but I guarantee it'll be a lot more fun if you go with me."

You didn't even realize you were holding and twisting the fabric of your dress.

"Mr Stark, we can't do this or you'll never take me seriously. This job means a lot to me."

He shook his head "And why wouldn't I take you seriously?"

"Because sleeping with my boss is not the best way to make a good impression. It's actually the worst way and I don't know if it's my fault, I've always had a crush on you, maybe I gave the false impression that ..."

He placed his hand on your thigh, squeezing it and then turned his palm up. "Stop thinking. Just enjoy the moment, okay? Tomorrow we have a bunch of stuff to sort out before my trip to Switzerland."

You sighed. You should ask him to take you back, but you didn't want to waste that opportunity. Sleeping with Tony Stark had been your fantasy for so long and as strange as it seemed you loved the age gap between you, it was what made it all the more exciting. Besides, you couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said the day before about giving up control and doing what people tell him to do. Did that apply to sex too? You bit your lower lip and to show him that you had decided to give in to his request you put your hand in his on your thigh and he intertwined his fingers with yours.

Stark parked in the mansion's underground parking lot and opened the car door for you to get out. You took the elevator up and were greeted by the AI informing Stark that there were 21 calls to voice mail including a very angry message from Captain Rhodes.

"I'll talk to him in the morning" he replied to the AI as he poured himself a shot of whiskey. At first you were surprised by Friday's omnipresence, but now you were used to it and it made your job a lot easier.

You stood in the room, rocking on your own feet, not knowing what to say or what to do, until he came towards you, touching your face and looking at you with those brown eyes that seemed to see into your soul. He ran his hand down your neck to your collarbone and bit his lower lip dramatically. "You're a pretty little thing, you know that?"

You smiled shyly. You wanted that so badly, but now you were completely intimidated by his presence and you weren't like that. You weren't shy, on the contrary. Dammit, maybe you should have drank more after all.

"Don't be shy, why don't you show me what you can do?"

You bit your lower lip and gathering up all your courage you knelt taking your hands to unbuckle his belt. You could see that he was already half ready for you and you were curious to know if the size of his dick matched the size of his ego. You unbuttoned his pants pulling them down and smiled at the sight of his cock under his underwear. You pulled on his boxers and licked your lips.

It was average size, but it was thick, with a fat and pink tip and you weren't disappointed at all. You didn't think twice and put it in your mouth. You sucked only the tip first, your hand jerking him slowly from base to tip, the salty taste of precum on your tongue. He groaned in approval and drained the last of the whiskey from the glass in one gulp.

You took his moan as approval and put the shyness aside, spitting on him and stroking him with both hands now faster smearing him with your saliva leaving him wet and perfect for you. You kept one hand steady at the base, the other stroking him quickly and flicked your tongue at the tip as he moaned louder now and brought his hand up to his head holding his hair.

"Fuck darling, you really know what you're doing. Its so good." He bit his lower lip now hard, suppressing his moans that were getting louder.

You hummed on his cock, spitting on it again and putting it in your mouth going all the way down swallowing it whole until the tip hits the back of your throat. He panted in surprise, he had already gotten a lot of blowjobs, but you were perfect, you made deep throat look so easy and you did it so well and he knew that if he didn't interrupt you he was going to cum in your mouth and he didn't want to cum , not before he could fuck you.

He grabbed your hair pulling your head and taking the dick out of your mouth "That's very good darling but we don't want the fun to end before it starts, do we? That little mouth of yours is too good."

You stood up and he ran his hand over your lips, spit running down your chin, your mascara melting in your eyes, somehow he found it a lot sexier than how it had been before.

You were so beautiful, from the first moment he laid eyes on you he knew he needed to fuck you, the fact that you had a crush on him only made that even more obvious. He pulled you to his lips kissing you passionately, you moaned into his lips and he found it adorable.

He held your hand firmly in his. "Come with me, darling." He took you to his room. You had never entered his room before, it was impressive like everything else in that house. He continued the assault on your lips and down your neck, his goatee scratching your skin and making you shiver. He wasted no time and undressed you quickly, first taking off your dress and then unbuttoning your bra, leaving you only in your underwear. He continued kissing pushing you gently onto the bed.

You lay down on the bed and he came over you taking one breast to his mouth, sucking the nipple, the other firm hand on your other breast squeezing and playing with the other nipple between his fingers. His lips went down to your belly and his hands pulled your panties slowly, he took them off and threw them there on the bed. Your legs drooped to the side and he gave you just one sly look before he lost himself there between your legs. You moaned loudly as he licked all the way from your entrance to your clit. He did it again and stuck a finger inside you.

You moved your hips involuntarily and moaned, "Fuck darling you're so wet for me. I love the taste of your cunt." He stuck a second finger curving on purpose to hit your sweet spot and with the other hand he opened the folds of your clit and flicked his tongue into the bundle of nerves and every fear, every doubt you might have had how disappeared while Stark made you break down into incoherent groans and praise.

"Fuck Mr Stark, you do it so well." You brought your hand to his head grabbing his hair and begging for more friction. You knew he was holding back, still testing the water on you, but you needed more. You sighed getting up and propping yourself up on your elbows. It was really one of those situations where you need to see to believe. The great Tony Stark lost between your legs going down on you.

You pulled his hair and he got the message and came right over you. "How is it possible that you're still wearing all those clothes?" You asked impatiently and he laughed "Why don't you help me get rid of them?" you knelt on the bed hurrying to take off his jacket, you took off his tie and shirt while your lips eagerly trailed down his neck giving open mouth kisses and biting lightly.

He sat up in bed, getting rid of what was left of his clothes and getting deliciously naked for you. You smirked at him "Sit and lean against the headboard." He stared at you in surprise but obeyed, happy to see you take control. You wrapped your legs around his hips kissing his lips passionately, his cock brushing against you

"You said you want to give up control and let people tell you what to do..." You whispered in his ear as your hand was looking for his tie on the bed "Let's see how good you are at following orders Mr Stark." He bit his lower lip, his eyes glistening with excitement. "I'm all yours, miss."

You finally reached the tie "Give me your hands". He obeyed and you tied both of his hands together tightly on the headboard. "No touching." You said in his ear, you bit his earlobe and he groaned "Fuck, darling, you're full of surprises."

You grinned, moving your lips down his neck and pinching one of his nipples

"You've been teasing me all night Mr Stark, now it's my turn."

You kissed him passionately and went back to biting his ear "Now tell me where do you keep the good stuff?"

He smiled satisfied and looked towards the bedside table. "In the bottom drawer."

You got up and opened the drawer to find a box full of sex toys, condoms and lube. "Why am I not surprised, Mr Stark?"

You got the lube and a condom.

He moaned softly as you began caressing it with both hands.

You would take turns between stroking him fast and firmly and just holding the base massaging the balls and rubbing your palm lightly on the tip.

"Fuck, you gonna make me cum like this. Please dont make me cum yet I want to fuck you"

You smile lessening the intensity of your caresses on his cock and caught his lips between your teeth. "Look at you begging not to cum."

You took the condom and opened it quickly and placed it on his dick without difficulty. He was rock hard for you. You put some lube on his cock and spread it with both hands then positioned yourself on top of him lowering slowly "You just got one thing wrong Mr Stark. I'm going to fuck you."

He groaned loudly when he finally penetrated you, stretching you. "Darling, you are so tight. Please move, fuck me."

You clung to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and began to move using the muscles of your thighs to maintain a fast, intense rhythm.

He moaned and you caught his lips on yours kissing him with desire, your tongue entering his mouth and dominating his.

You were enjoying it, the idea of having the almighty Tony Stark tied to the bed and at your mercy to do whatever you wanted with him and you knew it wouldn't last long, you could feel the orgasm building inside you "Fuck, this is so good, Mr Stark." You leaned against his chest increasing your pace, moving your hips with precision, your clit rubbing in his pubic hair. "I am close, so close"

He groaned, getting impatient and struggling against the bonds, but you were too close to stop now. "Oh my god, yes, yes, yes." You moaned louder feeling the orgasm hit you and you surrendered to him throwing your head back, eyes closed, your legs shaking as you continued riding him enjoying every second of your orgasm.

You touched his face and kissed his lips softly and he moaned into your lips "Untie me sweetheart"

You obeyed and he was eager to wrap his arms around your waist and lay you back on the mattress. He lifted one of your legs and leaned on his shoulder and entered you again, going deep. You moaned loudly. He braced one hand on the headboard forcing himself inside you, each thrust hitting your g-spot precisely.

"You're too good Miss Y/L/N. I can get use to be fucked like this by you."

His thrusts were getting stronger and faster and you knew he was close and you decided to provoke him pushing him towards his climax.

"Oh Mr Stark you are so good at following orders. Now cum for me, I want to see the look in your eye when you cum."

He kissed your lips urgently "yeah? I will give it to you then, darling."

His thrusts got even faster, his breathing more labored and he groaned loud giving in to his high, that pussy drunk look in his eyes was priceless.

He let go of the headboard and propped himself up on his elbow so he wouldn't drop his weight on you. He touched your cheek kissing you softly and then rolled over on the bed sighing "I don't know what I was expecting, but you definitely surprised me miss."

You felt your face getting hot as reality hit you again.

You moved to get up but he grabbed your arm "Hey where are you going? Come here." He pulled you into his arms and you could feel your body tense, you actually went to bed with your boss on the second day on the job, technically you had been working for two weeks but that was the second day since you saw him in person and it felt wrong somehow.

"I can see the smoke coming out of your ears, your brain shorting out from thinking too much. Relax sweetheart."

You sighed and he lifted your chin to face him "Did I ever say you're a pretty little thing?"

You smiled "yes, you did."

He nodded. "Fine, now you need to sleep and rest because I'm taking you to Switzerland with me tomorrow."

You widened your eyes "What? No, I have work to do here."

He shook his head, "Darling, I'm your job, you're my assistant, you do what I want, remember? I want you in Switzerland with me."

You nodded biting your lip "Anything else, Mr Stark?"

He smirked "You will find out eventually, Miss y/l/n"

Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing ;)

BACK TO MAIN MASTERLIST

Taglist: @singhfae @kentucky-criedfricken @gayspiderkay @dementeddoll @yourmajesty13 @doctorstrange1mp @strangeions @hiddlechive @divinearchangel @coffedraven @withalittlehoney @graveyzxbabe @dontmindme262 @bloodyflowerrr @insanelyobsessedwithdilfs @sherlocksgirl91 @dragonqueen89 @newtsniffles @strangelockd @evelynrosestuff @cute-angi @whiskeyho @prix1994 @sherlux @xourownsidee @rbymoon @kakashibabe02 @hobimysolecito @geeky-politics-46 @lykaonimagines @d0ct0rstrangewife @classickook

Let me know if you want to be part of the taglist.

1K notes · View notes

g1rlken · 3 days

Text

┏ 𝐅𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 ┐

1. Part, Alex turner x actress!reader

summary: ugly break up and working together

warnings: smear campaigns, Twitter incels, award season, depression

word count: 4.8k+

Relationships become a hurdle of choreographing well being when you’re going through a difficult period in life. The one person that’s supposed to be wholly yours becomes another face to mask with. Empathy feels good for a week, two weeks, a month. As the days would stack up it would just feel like a customised emotion, a weight. That’s how y/n felt, her relationship with Alex had seen a lot of ups and downs over their year and a half together. A lot of fights, long distances, miscommunications but it never weighed them down nor their relationship. They always came back stronger after a set back as such. However such shaky career hurdles were only ever seen by Alex, writer’s block, studio pressure, album press, billboard charts, the critics it was a coin toss on fate and he’d often land on the difficult side. But he had a lot of years in the industry and a well composed mind to these things.

Maybe her issues were difficult, Hollywood is eitherways a harsher ground for women. Especially the acting industry, she was facing method acting allegations by one of her elderly costars of old fashion. Not that method acting was concept of bad light in modern day cinema but the characters of the show were very demanding maybe some bitterness towards y/n however she never paid any mind to those when it started. Even her costars all took it lightly, the method acting questions started coming up in almost all promotions, either that or her relationship. She handled that with grace too, all until the emmys. The Emmys where she won one, a shining star in the tapestry of her young career. Amidst her speech a stand up show host had a set organised. Seemingly she wasn’t priorly informed about it being found dumbfounded on stage. In front of everyone, the same joke of being an alleged method actor made an imprint on her first ever Emmy. Everyone present just laughed like they would through a normal set, they laughed at her, she felt like the world ended. After that function she felt increasingly uncomfortable with herself, a laughingstock. Twitter was divided like it always is, she would just focus on those who added to the joke. Witty jabs. Variety articles behind y/l/n’s Emmy fiasco.

Alex tried. Alex tried really hard, he forced screens away from her. WiFi in their house only for certain hours and he’d supervise it, weekend getaways for her almost every weekend. She just seemed to not escape it, losing her appetite even. Alex was the cook between the two of them, meals would take hours and hours for her to get it down and he would sit with her without a complaint. He loved her truly unconditionally and he was aware it was genuinely hard for her. Such smear campaign was very hard to escape. When she started having sleep issues as well he forcibly suggested therapy. Y/n truly believed she wasn’t meant for therapy, she wasn’t ’therapy audience’ and he consoled her very hard into joining it. Eventually she did and it just added to the shitshow. Apparently the therapist found her difficult to work through, it lasted barely 2 weeks and the therapist referred her to someone else. It became public and her therapist’s statement was “The most difficult patient in all of my career.” Maybe it was the amateur hour for the therapist or maybe it wasn’t meant in a better light but social media smear campaign treated it like a festival.

As weeks progressed everything else seemed increasingly difficult. Especially Alex. Seeing his life, his new normal which would start and end with her well being and nothing would change with her mental state either. Alex was giving out so much of himself yet she couldn’t find it in herself to actually smile even. That guilt was worse than everything else. She let that guilt consume her for a while until she finally decided to do something about it.

That evening, after dinner she finally put a stone on her heart and decided to lay that conversation to him. Guiding him to sit across her on the sofa of their shared place she took his hands into hers “Alex, no one else has stood by me the way you have, these two whole months. It’s the worst thing that’s happened to me perhaps ever and you’ve been with me through it. Just how the cliches say it-like my rock.” She said patiently “I feel like I’m not making any progress but if it weren’t for you I would’ve been at a worse place and” she took in a shaky breath before continuing a long pause following something Alex had no idea of.

“Just how you’ve been around for me.” He said holding her hands in his right her “And what we are isn’t for cliches or for saying y/n, I love you and despite of you being at your lowest as long as I have you, I have all I need. We’ve had rough patches before we’ve been alright and we will be even-“

“Just…just let me finish yeah?” Y/n interrupted him looking down their hands because looking into his eyes which carried soft love was so much harder. “You’re giving away too much of yourself. You don’t see it but I do, you’ve made my well being some sort of a passion project of yours and I understand you want the best for me I really do. But I have to look out for you too, and, I feel like this isn’t fair to you. We’re not working out…we won’t.”

A very long silence followed as Alex stared at her comprehending that, “what?” he huffed in denial “what do you mean?” He asked as if it would change what she meant.

“Alex…” she brought his hands closer to her “you need to do better in life, better than this. You have so much potential to give out, into yourself, into your career and you’ve spent so much on me already. I can’t keep you for me like this…we should…part.”

“I am passionate about you what do you mean passion project? I am in love with you and I want to help you. Just how you’d help me don’t you see it? So you don't get to decide that for me and my potential. It’s mine.” Alex stated firmly.

“Exactly. It’s yours! You’re pouring it all out into me—you’re draining yourself-“

“None of that is for you to decide!” Alex stopped her sentence midway leaving her hands out of his to run his hands through his hair out of frustration.

“Fine…” y/n seemed bad with confrontation and she didn’t want to paint herself out to be a bad lover in his history books years from now but she didn’t know how else to not do that. He was hurting unknowingly. “But this is for me to decide and I have. W-we need to..” she couldn’t even find it in herself to finish that sentence. “Break up.”

“No.” Alex stated so casually like she just asked her a very simple question, as if it was a question. “No we do not. We don’t need to do any such thing.”

“Alex…” she sighed looking away, his denial was breaking her heart. Tears formulated her eyes as she thought about how much this will hurt him.

“What Alex? No: I’m refusing.” He shrugged, very nonchalantly shrugging. Declining her wish as he didn’t even look at her.

“Alex please” she said as she gently cupped his face to look at her, “you don’t realise this…you have been putting yourself through so much for me. This-this is difficult I know, but you’ll be better after this.”

“Y/n, listen to me” he shifted in his seat to face her. “You don’t get to decide this for me. You are going through a tough time and I will not leave you.”

“You haven’t written a piece in two months..you don’t even go to the studio. You barely leave me alone to work with anything else!” She pointed out, all these bits of his habits were vanishing out and she had noticed it all. Being an early riser he’d go for a run around the block but nowadays he’d just time how many hours she had slept because of her issues. Time her vitamins and supplements. Plan things with her and only her as if he wasn’t supposed to have a life of his own.

“I have a writer’s block!” He exclaimed growing increasingly hurt and frustrated that this is how she viewed him helping her. She sounded like a burden to herself but he had never considered one to himself and he hated that she felt that way.

“Because you’re so occupied with me!” She exclaimed back with a sigh rubbing her eyes and looked away, uncrossing her legs on the couch.

“That’s just your assumption y/n you don’t know how my process works and you shouldn’t come to conclusions about things you don’t know.” Alex tried to reason with her even if she was right he couldn’t care less. She was important to him and she needed his full attention.

“Could you please just listen to me Alex…I don’t want to stay within this-“ y/n replied trying to find the right words.

“With me. You don’t want to stay with me.” He rephrased her sentence giving it to her as raw as he fathomed.

“Yes.” Taking in a deep breath she finally let it out because he wasn’t listening to her without brutal honesty. “Yes I don’t.”

“That just isn’t true-that’s not right you’re too tired today that’s all.” Alex replied, he wanted to point it maybe she was also hungry but he kept that for more persuasion.

“Alex, please.” Y/n breathed taking her head in her hands because none of her reasonings got into her head.

He just shook his head in response as the silence weighed heavy between the two of them. Tears streamed down her face as they sat there, Alex was more fine with this tension than he was with being without her. “We just can’t…y/n.” Alex said.

“I’m really sorry” she said as she looked back up at him teary eyed. The tears seemingly made everything difficult for sure. “It’s going to be alright…” she wiped her tears and looked away again. His sad gaze was so gutting to look at and talk at the same time it felt like it would stick with her, hauntingly, even after she leaves.

“But it’s alright already” He urged shifting closer to her and wrapping an arm around her trying to meet her eyes but she kept her gaze fixated at the coffee table.

“That’s what you want to think” she said softly with a heavy heart. “I don’t want to do this either Alex…it’s for the best.”

If it were for the best he wouldn’t be feeling his heart sink lower and his breath shortening. His vision becoming fuzzy already as tears brimmed in his eyes as well. But he wanted to handle this more delicately. “It isn’t, you know it isn’t.” He sniffled. “This isn’t what I want and I know it’s not what you want either, why do you feel this way? This need to run?”

“I’m not running Alex” I’m setting you free, she didn’t say out loud “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and…and this is going to hurt. It will hurt for a while but you’ll get over it.”

“Get over you? Y/n I don’t plan on leaving you” he said still drowning in denial. Stern denial and blind faith he could fix this mess, if he talked to her more. He could fix this mess, if he asked her sleep on it. He could fix this mess, if he held her closer. So he did. “Y/n look at me, look at me.” He forced her to face him. “This isn’t a rational solution. You are going through so much and you are thinking too much but this is a mistake. What we have is bigger than our problems-“

“Alex.” She stopped him midway, staring into his teary eyes with hers the same “This is my problem. You try to make to make it ours, helping me through it is one thing but this is taking up too much effort and energy in your life don’t you get that?”

Alex had never felt this defeated all his life. No reasoning seemed to get to him. He couldn’t digest that she let such thoughts mature for about a week and never once preferred to talk to him about it but just became sure about it. When the fact that she felt so distant from him to not even bring it up brought him to flowing tears. Taking his face into his hands he cried. Breaking down, y/n never saw him like this and she had seen him go through supposedly tougher situations. “You can’t do this to me” he said, his voice parched and eyes red.

The thought of leaving the next day in the morning, sleeping in different bedrooms and hugging him a goodbye at breakfast was so done now. If she didn’t leave now she won’t be able to love ever. Just holding his face in her hands as her tears streamed down her face reciprocating his. She couldn’t even muster the courage to mouth a sorry. She glanced away at her keys and wallet by the side table. It hit her like a truck when she realised there won’t be a goodbye tomorrow but today. This very moment. She slowly got her car keys and wallet and put them on her side. “It’s going to be okay…” she said sighing. Cupping his face in her hands as he reciprocated the action holding her hands and staring into her eyes.

“No it’s not” he replied with heavy grief laced in his voice. Why wouldn’t she do anything to change this? Why would she let it be this way? He felt helpless to how she firm she was about this. He placed his lips onto hers holding her closer by her waist as she cradled his face. It time were to stop he’d prefer death over letting her go. As they kissed he realised how temporary this moment will be and how this memory will bite him with sharp teeth of yearning. He couldn’t stomach the thought that she would be a memory. Visit him in nostalgia and come up in conversations and that would be all?

Eventually she pulled away from their kiss, wiping his tears with her hands as her own surfaced her face too. His dreary eyes had such an effect upon she couldn’t bare it and she softly kissed him again. His hands would still not let her go. As moments passed in holding each other and the kisses broke she realised it was time. “Goodbye, Alex.” She spoke with a voice barely above whisper because the sound of her voice breaking was louder.

His eyes widened as he realised she was leaving, now. He had barely come to terms with the fact that she was leaving. He held her hand back as she tried standing up. “You’re leaving?” His voice broke as he asked that. Y/n didn’t have it in herself to answer him what he already knew she just looked at him apologetically. Apology she knew she didn’t deserve at this very moment. “You can’t just leave right now-think about this. Sleep on it, if you still want to go leave next week?”

His negotiations seemed to know no bounds and the bargain was to get him nowhere. It would probably make him worse if she stayed. If she stayed after this. “Alex-“

“You can’t even drive in this state y/n absolutely not-if you want a break from me we could just sleep in separate bedrooms I won’t bother you-“ he tried to come up with all possible alternatives.

Her heart sank further realising how further he'd go just to make her stay. It solidified her decision of her leaving because he would always chose her above himself, even at the expense of himself hurting. She had to love him enough to let him go. “Alex…” she breathed stopping him midway “I have to.” Shaking her head she stood up to leave but didn’t see him stand up at the corner of her eyes. Somewhat relived it wouldn’t be harder to walk out that door perhaps. As she clutched her keys and wallet she felt a tug at her leg.

Looking behind to see Alex on his knees for her, it was perhaps the worst sight ever her tears reciprocating his again before he even spoke. “Y/n I beg of you please don’t go” he said as he wrapped his arms around her legs, on his knees weeping for her.

Trying to remain balanced on her footing against his grip, “don’t do this” she pleaded as her voice broke and she knelt to his level. “Please don’t make this harder.” She cried choking on her words and held his hands. Alex held her hands back very tightly.

“It doesn’t have to be hard at all” he spoke through tears as she sat close to him he brought her closer naturally settling onto his lap. As she cried and wiped his tears more just streamed down his face, “We can make it out of this y/n please, trust me please have some faith in us”

The desperation in his voice, the tears and his words it was all so gutting. This would me one of those moments she would perhaps never recover from. If she ever finds happiness again she felt like it would be at the expense of this, it would be hard for him. Very hard, but he would do so much better if she left. It was evident how much he was willing to give even to the last moment, it was concerning. “You can’t love someone this hard” y/n held his face in her hands and told him sternly “I am very miserable and I’m bringing you the same pain-over and over. This is it Alex. You won’t hurt again at the hands of me and I’m sorry it is this way…” she told him. He had no words but tears to shed. He sat absolutely defeated with her entangled in his arms. Neither he said anything nor did she.

Y/n held him back wrapping her arms around him giving him a hug or maybe hiding his teary face from herself and likewise. Rubbing his back as she hugged him sitting upon his lap. He buried his face by her neck holding her close. If the world were to end he wouldn’t care because it already did for him. The thought that this was probably the last time she would be in his arms like this made his agony worsen.

They just held each other for almost a whole hour, her head resting by his chest as they sat intertwined. The silent and slow understanding of the end. Some picture frames on the coffee table and the wall ahead, somewhat blurry because of the tears, those memories came back so much clearer. There will be no more and these will just remain pictures. Alex let out a shudder of a breath at that thought. “Where will you go?” He asked her in a tone just above a whisper.

“To my dad’s.” She replied softly without looking back up at him nor attempting to shift away from his grip. Last of his warmth. Theirs.

“He was just starting to like me…” he spoke as a soft chuckle escaped him through the tears and y/n’s followed. He would often joke with her that her dad ‘hated him’ because he was rather stern to him and she would always tell him otherwise. In truth he may be but what did it all matter now? He looked down at her in his arms when she let out a little laugh too but then quivering, broke down in his arms. He kissed the top of her head with silent consoling and holding her with the last of his love she’d let him give her.

The night wouldn’t last forever just like them and she finally left. With much courage and a heavy heart out of his arms and then their shared place. Alex couldn’t watch her leave and he did not. The last glimpse he caught of her face before he kissed the top of her head. He would think back to this for a long while and he wanted to remember her beautiful face and not her leaving him. She left and the door shut, on their house and their life together.

A job is a job. However excruciating and beaten down, it finds you on your face but you’re bound to return. Y/n did as well. Over half a year, she started working again. Lived with her dad to make a comeback to the one place that would have ever even after everything. Her career made a turn eventually the Twitter smear campaigns wear themselves out. Talent comes through in Hollywood despite its vice like grip over its finest stars. Y/n’s project worked out, she avoided the award season despite being nominated but she did walk promotional red carpet for her new project. Time heals.

Time is subjected to heal everything even with some ignited hatred if that be to overcome the hurt. Alex, he grew to despise y/n. The first few months hurt so much, everywhere in the house he’d find his things even after she collected them. There were pieces of her everywhere. Their pictures were what hurt the least. Even after he moved out of the place whose sunrise constantly reminded of her absence of his arm. He kept finding her things everywhere. The longing could surround him for long until he turned all of that sadness into a harsher emotion. It was difficult to teach himself to decline her thoughts, hate her. But he did and that’s when he wasn’t as sad.

When the devil can’t reach you it keeps you on Alex turner’s bad side. Or perhaps send you to him. Just as now, y/n was doing her friend of years, Richard, a favour. Moreover Richard pleaded and begged her to do so. He was making a music video for the arctic monkeys and the studio’s PR team members wanted y/n specially or pull the cord of the entire project. Since her career was booming it would be perfect publicity for the upcoming single and her history with Alex. Y/n would rather not indulge in such at all, especially with Alex. Richard assured her that Alex wouldn’t even be on the set for the music video and it was set in Ireland’s grasslands. Too far for Alex to attend anyways since he wasn’t in the music video.

First day on set after she lands there y/n finds herself treated with warmth with the core team. The operator, the camera team, the crew most of them were faces she’d previously known. Everyone ‘glad’ to see her working again was a comment she was irked with for a while ever since she’d returned to working. They always said it in a comforting tone as if she’d was coming back from jail or so, such patient like sympathy was difficult but not anymore. Very comfortably used to it. Superficial condolences in the best way perhaps.

“Missed you fuckface!” She laughed as she hugged Richard on the set and he joined along. Hugging her back, they’d met after a long while.

“I did too, you jerk.” He laughed and ruffled her hair a bit, she nudged away in response and their inside jokes kept ongoing. Through the conversations it swayed back to being on set and Richard worked her through the video.

“This place is so remote I’m so glad you agreed because nobody else would’ve come this far and Alex wanted just you.” Richard mentioned as he talked her through the cinematic of it.

“Wait, Alex did?” Y/n asked furrowing her brows together. Richard had stated to her that Alex wouldn’t be there at all so him wanting her for the video, ‘just her’ was somewhat unbelievable.

“The record did…it’s kind of the same thing.” Richard replied.

“It’s not” she shrugged given she knew the context conversations between Alex and the record from when they were together. “I’m just so glad he’s not here”

“He’s not a bad person you know” Richard accounted for him thinking the breakup was his fault given how rigid y/n was not wanting to sign up for an AM project.

“Oh no of course not” he’s an angel, she didn’t say out loud. Alex kept whatever happened between them through the break up private. He didn’t even paint her out like someone who wronged him to their mutual friends, when he could’ve done so.

“Then why do you have such a problem with him being here?” Richard asked with voice laced of confusion and curiosity.

“I don’t have a problem just too much-“ drama? Bad memories? Good memories? Regret? All too much perhaps.

“Well that’s great then because he might be here.” Richard spoke hurriedly despite his promise he was just making the video he couldn’t dictate who could and could not be on set. Especially not the lead singer.

“What? What do you mean?” She asked with a dejected scoff, she believed him when he’d promised that Alex won’t be on set. “What do you mean here Richard you told me-“

“I mean here as in he may be around but he’s here for now-“ Richard fumbled with his words mentally preparing for the telling off y/n would inflict on him soon enough.

“Here as in?” She asked raising sharp brow at him crossing her arms.

“As in Ireland…” Richard trailed off and took a cue to hastily add the next information as she took in a sharp breath “Could also be on set”

“On set?!” She exclaimed “right now?”

“I’m not sure okay I don’t know-the video script had some changes and he was needed for some pretext or something. Also, y/n. He’s written this song, it’s his band—I can’t just say no to him if he wants to be on set.” Richard explained. The bickering went on back and forth for a while until a voice from behind broke them.

“Richard!” Alex exclaimed as he paced up to the man, all colour drained and also made her flustered when the air shifted with Alex’s hasty walk to Richard who she stood right beside. Alex greeted Richard with a hug. “This is a beautiful location, fantastic work yeah?”

“Ah thanks mate.” Richard said with a smile as they made a small talk about the set and think pieces. He tried to include y/n in the conversation too but Alex didn’t once look to the side as if she wasn’t even present there. Richard talked about some of the crew to Alex and then, wanting to relay it slowly. “And y/n, you know her of course”

“Right yeah” Alex scoffed and made a somewhat bothered expression, irritated in an instant. He did so as if she truly wasn’t present there. Intimidatingly he stood with his hands on his waist, leather jacket, the classic Alex. Soon enough without casting her as much as a glance he took his leave from the conversation.

She wasn’t ready for this conversation, not that it was a conversation at all. Y/n’s little ‘hi there’ was blatantly ignored by him too but it was all expected. She had planned to not cross paths with him but hypothetically after all that went down she had anticipated him being cold like this. She wasn’t mentally prepared for it, not today. However she didn’t hold it against him by all means he had the right to act this way. Even if she wanted to be somewhat offended by his harshness his pleading face, desperate tone, begging her not to leave on his knees all of it just came flooding back to sink her in regret. If the roles were reversed she would want to be far away from Alex and that’s what she would grant him. Keep her distance.

“So…” Richard trailed off pulling her out of her train of thoughts to talk about the unsolicited harshness. To an outsider, the breakup had been almost 6 months ago and neither of them made any big grievances about it so it was all very odd.

“Don’t.” Y/n shook her head not willing to go into this discourse.

I’ll do a few parts to this series let me know if you want to be tagged ;)

Comments and thoughts will be so so so very appreciated please please please let me know

#alex turner x y/n #alex turner x reader #alex turner x reader fluff #alex turner x you #alex turner x fem!reader #alex turner x famous reader #Alex turner x reader angst #alex turner imagine #alex turner fanfic #alex turner

45 notes · View notes