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fyeah-bangtan7 · 2 years

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Jimin: “I want to be better, and cooler”

Jimin is a born idol. Whatever he does looks cool and every word he says to his fans is affectionate. And, believe it or not, he means every word of it.

How does it feel to have made a three-disc album? Jimin: At first, my most frequently occurring thought was, “We sure have done a lot.” It gave me a little time to reflect, too, and that idea that the best is yet to come is also what “Yet To Come” is about. And in the same way, I want to do lots of even better things in the future, too.

You could say this album is like a breather, couldn’t you? Jimin: I think it’s important to take a breather like this. I think now’s the time to step back and clear our heads to think about the direction we want to take as a group going forward, and we need time to think about what it is we’ve done as a group.

Is this in any way the result of the pandemic coming to an end? Like, We’ve come so far. Jimin: I think that was part of it. I think, for me, I can feel it better when I’m working now, as opposed to while looking back, so I’m going to try to take on a lot of new things. That’s why I’m meeting with different producers: I feel like I should take this challenge on, the proper way.

After you released “With You,” you went on V LIVE and said, “Starting with this, I'm going to try many things.” Are you currently working on new material? Jimin: I’m just starting. I decided to just keep going straight through, staying together with the producers. I think we’ll basically always be together for around a month. We met a few times and were talking about what messages and what kind of appearance or image I want to get across.

It sounds like you still have more you want to show, even after the Grammys and the concert. Jimin: Exactly. Maybe I can be just a little more explicit.

What do you mean, “more explicit”? Jimin: I just think I can show something a little more raw about me. That might include a more mature side, too, but what I’m really interested in is showing something closer to my real, personal rawness directly in a format like music or music videos. By doing so, I think maybe I can show something I never have before.

What do you mean by “raw,” exactly? Jimin: Like, something that shows the things I usually think about a little more honestly? My thoughts are already well-represented on BTS’ albums, but, you know, some of the older members have already dealt with some darker material on their solo mixtapes. I think I’m trying to do something similar.

Are there any topics you want to explore? Jimin: I’m doing this more for my own sake than because I want to say something to other people. Because after a year and a half of the pandemic, I was thinking a lot about how I was a little lost. Once the other members found out about that, they said, “Why don’t you try to make it into music?” And that made me decide I should try and talk about it in my music.

I guess it took a little time before you realized you were lost. Jimin: Yes, I think so. I thought I had a wonderful life before, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like maybe I was trying to deny something.

You mean, not being able to have an audience? Jimin: That’s part of it, but I also started to question things and yet tried to brush those things off at the same time—denying them by telling myself I was just enjoying my life.

It sounds like you were at a point where you wanted to avoid personal concerns or the whole pandemic situation. Jimin: It seems that way. It was like, Now that I think about it …. I think I figured that at least I couldn’t be shaken because I had the reassurance of BTS. But I was suddenly struck by a thought: Would I really be okay if it were me personally, not the group, that was on display? I think I finally recognized that.

You released “With You” with HA SUNG WOON. Was it a conscious decision to collaborate with someone with whom you have a well-known friendship? Jimin: Yes. He was the first friend I made when I moved to Seoul. He’s the first non-school friend I ever made if you don’t include the other BTS members. We used to say, “Someday, when we both make it big, it would be something special if we made a song together and sent it out into the world.” That was the meaning behind it: something I wanted to do someday.

I guess you could say it all started from a promise made long ago. Jimin: Right. We’d been talking about that for seven years, practically. We would show each other our songs or anything else we worked on whenever we made something. We kept that up and said, “Let’s try making some music together,” and then we really did. It was fun.

Did that have any influence on the tone of voice you chose to go with? You tried singing in a completely different voice than usual. Jimin: You’re right. It gave me a lot of practice because it was really hard right from the beginning, so I had to redo it over and over. I kept saying, “I’ll try that again from the top,” and changing a bunch of stuff, but it was a lot of practice, and it was a song for a soundtrack, so I tried really, really hard to give it a simpler sound than anything I usually did before.

It’s closer to your speaking voice than your singing voice. It seems like you must have tried a lot of different things in detail while recording, looking at the way your voice overlaps with SUNG WOON’s in the chorus or how the emotion in the melody is reminiscent of the first self-written song you ever released, “Promise,” even though you didn’t write any of the music this time. Jimin: We tried so many different things. We called each other all the time, and I’m really grateful for the producer who worked with us because I was actually all finished recording, and I kept saying I wanted to try it again from the beginning when we were all finished recording, and I would say, “I’ll try it one more time,” and I could tell that was a lot of hard work for them. It made me feel a lot of different things and it was an important learning experience. I think there were many moments that made me feel that way while we were working on it.

I heard that making “Promise” allowed you to get out of the funk you were in at the time. Would you say that “With You” was a way for you to try and find the emotions that you wanted to express? Jimin: I took an MBTI test recently and it said I’m extroverted, but when I made “Promise” I was really introverted and feeling depressed. I think “Promise” was a chance for me to look at myself. I managed to come out of my shell a little thanks to that song. The first version of “With You” we recorded was very emotional and there was a long process involved in relieving that emotion. ��I’ll soften up a bit. … I’ll try it a little softer. … Ah, right—a little bit softer now. … I’ll just try it nice and simple.” Like that. I wanted to show sadness and a desperate longing expressed in a simple style.

It seems like you felt a lot of different emotions while singing that song. Jimin: I used to get really emotional when it came to relationships with others and the words they say, but I’m not really like that anymore. So lately I have moments where I feel like, How was it that I used to feel, again?

Two years ago, in an interview with Weverse Magazine, you called yourself someone who likes to be loved, but it seems like maybe you don’t feel that way as much anymore. Jimin: It’s not quite an emptiness, but I feel like it’s close to that. It’s not like, Well, what else is there? But I think I’m feeling something similar to it.

And then you might have a problem of finding what to fill it with. Jimin: Exactly. I actually struggle and feel restless if I’m not doing anything. And think, Wow, I’m just passing the whole day like this? And it’s been close to a year since I started to feel less like that. But now it’s like, What have I been doing this whole time? Why was I like that?

Maybe you didn’t make Proof to provide yourself with any answers for that; maybe you just needed some time to reflect on the past. Jimin: I didn’t really think about it like that while working on the album, but it eventually turned out that I really needed that time. I think everyone—us members and the label—had to look back so we could move forward.

The lyrics to “Run BTS” start by talking about life before the debut, and you really got into the rock and roll mood with your vocals on the song. How do you feel revisiting the way you used to run around all the time working so hard? Jimin: I think in those days I was sort of desperate. (laughs) Saying, Wait till you see what I can do next. I can see it in my old videos, too.

That “wait till you see what I can do next” sense comes across particularly well in “Tony Montana (with Jimin).” How did you end up doing that song? Jimin: SUGA and I said, “Let’s do something together,” and that was the result. I think I wanted to sound cool. (laughs) I guess I really wanted to stand out when we made that. “I’m good at this, too!” (laughs)

In “Tony Montana,” you sing, “You used to curse me, I’m major / I’m an idol by nature.” If your natural state back then was being an idol, what about now? Jimin: I’m still an idol. Idol is an accurate description. The word “idol” means something different to everyone, plus I think Koreans see it in an entirely different way, but anyway, you’re right to say that’s where I started. To be honest, I can do the things I do individually, even now, because of being in BTS, and I don’t think that’s going to change since I got my start as an idol.

What do you want to do for ARMY as an idol? You’re expressing your feelings in “For Youth” off Proof when you sing, “Will you give me your hand? I’ll get up over and over.” Jimin: Just being cooler—with good songs, good music videos and good performances. I think that’s the best way to stay faithful to my calling and the way I can pay them back the most. I felt sort of guilty the past two years. After that first day of the LA concert, I felt like I had been wronging the fans this whole time somehow since our concerts kept getting canceled. I felt like maybe they started to lose their passion during all that time since they couldn’t see us, but they had been waiting unconditionally, so I really started to ask myself what I had been doing that whole time. We sang “Permission to Dance” and greeted ARMY at the concert but it was weird how emotional it felt despite the song being so upbeat.

You’re still an idol and still have those feelings, but at the same time you’ve become well-respected among many artists. Jimin: I’m really grateful for everything ARMY says, but not entirely satisfied with myself yet. Nothing would make me happier than having this much self-satisfaction, but I don’t, and I struggle with that. I guess that’s why, even though I really want to be better, I was avoiding the fact that to change in that way I would have to be more consistent in what I do—but I forced myself to bury those thoughts by telling myself maybe I was already good enough. But now, I want to be even better. I want to be better, and cooler. I changed.

You must have had a lot of thoughts like that coming to you when you were singing “Yet To Come.” Jimin: So now I’m looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to knowing who I’ll become and how much better I’m going to be able to perform.

What would your ideal performance look like? I felt like it was a little more clear what the audience wanted to see from you recently when you performed “Black Swan” in LA, Seoul and in Las Vegas. Jimin: I want to show off everything I’m capable of at the highest possible proficiency. For example, whether I’m showing that dark but sexy vibe that only “Black Swan” has, the high energy of “IDOL” or “FIRE,” or how cute I can be, I want to do it all with the highest proficiency. I always look forward to the audience erupting into cheers whenever all my proficiencies come together. I think that’s one of the reasons I used to criticize myself so much whenever I made a mistake or did something wrong.

Are you saying you’re not quite there yet? Jimin: Oh, not even close. It’s still a long way away, and I’m changing now, too. So we keep trading ideas because of the uncertainty we’re currently facing. After doing choreography with exact precision all that time, we moved to a phase where we have a little more freedom to be a little more relaxed or try to involve the audience a bit more. But I think we need to do more songs and be more open to the kinds of direction or sets we should be doing since we don’t have too many songs where we can show off that new side of us.

That’s what I thought when I saw your performance of “Butter” at the Grammys. It felt like you had reached peak proficiency with a performance planned out perfectly from beginning to end. If you could put on this kind of important performance despite all the trouble surrounding it, surely at this point you could ascend to the next level. Jimin: I’m absolutely stoked for it now. What are we going to be like when we’re even better—when we can make each and every move look its best? What’s the future going to look like when we’re even more experienced? So it’s not really a problem that we didn’t win any awards at the Grammys. It would have been nice to win one, but that’s because it would have been like a gigantic gift for ARMY if we did. I just wanted to show them how cool our group is up on stage, so I was just happy we were able to put on that performance. I actually wanted to do “ON,” too. I just wanted to put on an incredibly high-energy performance to tell people, like, “That’s how we do it!” And just come back. (laughs) But we put on a pretty good performance considering how rushed it was, and the fans liked it, and I was like, We did it! I guess you could say I felt relieved.

With regards to your newly changed self, producing “Friends” must have been a different kind of opportunity for you. The song was also on the soundtrack for Eternals. Did you see the movie? Jimin: Yes, I saw it in theaters. (laughs) It was amazing and I felt grateful, but I also wish I could have made an even better song.

How did you get started working on that song? Jimin: I made it from scratch, actually. I was just in the practice studio and thought, Should I try something, too? And got to work by myself, laying down a drum beat like, bum-tss-bum-tss. It wasn’t quite as soft as the version that exists now; I sang the melody a little more intensely. I was thinking of a song that would be a little more energetic than the sentimental melody it has now, but when I gave it to the producer, he said, “Oh, not bad,” and, “I think a melancholy feel would suit you. What do you think?” I agreed with the suggestion, so the song ended up sounding a little cuter than what I first envisioned.

I’m guessing that’s why it develops into a rock-like group chorus later in the song. It’s interesting, the way it sounds like reggae at the beginning and naturally progresses into something fierce. Jimin: Yes. I think it just came out that way. That happened, then they said, “Should we put this on the album?” And that’s where the theme of friendship with Taehyung came from.

Speaking of “Friends,” how do you see the other members of BTS now? I imagine you feel the same as your “Tony Montana” days, but with some things different, too. Jimin: They’re more than just friends, brothers or family—they just feel like a place you can always come back to. What I really felt when we were in the US recently was that I had times where I would have a lot of things going on in my head, and after I went through all that and came back around and talked with the other members, a lot of times they would tell me, “Ah, I see. I sort of figured. But I think you’ll be okay if you just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s all good.” It’s hard to put into words exactly, but I always got the impression they’re this powerful force that mentally helps me to return to my true self. So they’re more than just cool—it’s just, “thank you always.” It’s hard to put into words, but it’s something like that. (laughs)

#bangtan #jimin #m:weverse magazine #t:interview #220618

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honey-badgers-library · 1 year

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The Mistwalker’s Must-Have Mixtape

II. Movin’ Right Along

Eleonora looked at her Walkman 2192. She clutched it in her hands. A life line within the slowly receding fog as she curled up beneath a tree. The tree’s shadow loomed over her; the branches slowly crawled away from the trunk and hung low. Eleonora knew she should be frightened—and she was. But then the branches of the tree twisted and curved. Downward toward Eleonora it went. Wrapped around her, in front of her. Much like the old poem “The Giving Tree”, protecting its favorite human and giving her all she could.

She sighed and snuggled closer to the tree. “Thank you,” her voice sounded much softer, weaker than when she was at home. “I don’t know what your name is, so it feels kinda rude to tell you thank you without a name—”

A small laugh erupted from her throat. Small and hysterical, Eleonora felt the tears tear through her as the tsunami of emotions overcame her. She shook with the utter fear and rage at being alone. Her ringletted brown hair frizzed with the rising humidity almost immediately. And she smelled the shift before it occurred. The ions bounced and changed and danced around this little forest or moor that she found herself in.

How to describe the smell before it rained? Eleonora knew what her home smelled like. The flowers bloomed just in time for the thunderstorms. They smelled clean and citrusy with some form of spice. A homey clean smell came from these flowers that only bloomed when it thundered and lightning. On top of the thunderflowers, the air carried a distinct fresh smell. Something everyone associated with rain, that fresh clean smell that made a person stop to take a deep breath in. Memento Mori, after it rained, was the best place to be for Eleonora.

Wherever she was didn’t smell like that.

Instead it smelled sweet. Honey and sugar peppered the air as everything shifted. The smell of fresh baked cookies ended up filling her nose the moment the thunder cracked and the rain began to pour. Just as the rain splattered across the grass, the tree’s branches fanned out. The leaves looked vaguely umbrella-like and acted as a tent for Eleonora. “T-thank you again,” Eleonora sniffed softly. “I wish I could give you something in return.”

“You sing, don’t you?” A booming accented voice surrounded Eleonora. Out of shock, the fifteen-year-old jumped up and hit her head on a branch. The branch then moved out of the way, and the voice continued. “Oh, I’m sorry dearie! I shoulda warned ya about the branch above your head there.”

Eleonora paused.

The voice, matronly in its tone, kept rambling. “I always forget to warn the travelers that take shelter in my tree. My branches are heavy and I prefer to keep them closer to the ground. I hope you don’t mind, dearie.”

As she rubbed her head, the ringletted teenager found her eyes widening as she realized the voice was coming from behind her. Eleonora stood as straight as a rod. “You can speak!” She exclaimed.

“Aye, so can you,” was the tree’s amused response.

“I’m sorry,” the girl began. Her bright blue eyes widened as the singular thought replayed in her head. I am talking to a tree. I am talking to a motherfucking tree and it’s talking back. Holy fucking shit! “I’ve never spoken to a tree that talked back before. I’m a bit shocked.”

“Ah! A new adventurer is in my midsts then!” The tree’s trunk began to move and reform. Suddenly, a spirit of an older, slightly rotund woman popped out of the door that replaced the trunk. Her skin seemed leathery with wrinkles that mirrored the pattern of the tree bark. “My name is Cottage, and I am the last of my kind. Come in, and allow me to give you some warm food and drink.”

“How would I repay you?” Eleonora asked, slightly wary of the woman. “I don’t have any money, and I just walked into the woods through the mist. I wouldn’t know what to give in return for the hospitality.”

“Nevermind that now dearie,” Cottage responded with a lackadaisical wave. “Perhaps a song would be a good trade, but, for now, come in and receive some shelter from the rain. It’s been a while since a Mistwalker has been at my table.”

“Mistwalker? What’s a Mistwalk—”

Eleonora couldn’t finish her sentence as Cottage took her hand and led her through the door. Confused, and feeling the stabs of hunger, the teenager followed the very granny-looking woman who wore a mushroom cap atop her head. Better to eat something warm than accidentally poison herself with some random plant.

Movin' right along in search of good times and good news

Cottage’s space within — or was it below? — her tree felt like how Eleonora imagined the homes of her neighbors to feel like. Cottage rummaged around the messy kitchenette. Flowers and leaves hung down around the handles. Everything looked rustic and old with the wood covered in moss and some form of fungus growing in beautiful patterns. Eleonora glanced at Cottage, who’s poke-a-dotted mushroom cap looked skewed, and cleared her throat. “Excuse me, Cottage, but where are we?”

“You’ve never seen a Cottage Tree before?” was Cottage’s equally bewildered reply. The older woman — dryad-tree-nymph-thing? — struggled with grabbing a few plates and cups.

“No, sorry,” Eleonora apologized as she rushed to help Cottage with the dishes. “Want me to place these on the table?”

“Oh yes, dearie, thank you!”

Cottage went back to the pot on the stove as Eleonora set the small table. It grew out from the floor, with ivy vines forming the chairs around it. The kitchen table contained another covering of soft, green moss. She placed each wooden plate and cup in front of the two seats. The fifteen-year-old watched in awe as the leaves on the vine came to life and grouped together as a back and seat cushion.

“Now, dearie,” Cottage began practically out of nowhere. “You asked what a Mistwalker is, correct?” She came around the table with two oven mitts made from some sort of plant. It looked waxy and furry at the same time. Still the organic matter wouldn’t burn, nor did the wooden pot now that Eleonora thought about it. All the child could do was nod in agreement as her mind was filled once again with one single question — WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!

“Well, lovely, I wish the Overworlders would actually explain to their saplings what happens to them when they hit puberty. By the Land!” Cottage groaned in annoyance for her fellow living beings in the world. She took a ladle practically out of thin air. She placed it in the large pot and Eleonora smelled something salty and bitter from the pot. There was an underlying scent of cooking meat — it reminded Eleonora of the Cuban skirt steak David made her for dinner one day.

Her stomach thundered across the small space before Cottage continued. “Oh dearie, sit, eat! Make yourself at home, you look bone-thin now that I get a good look at ye!”

So, Eleonora took a seat.

We're storming the big town—yeah, storm is right, should it be snowing?

“You’re in a Cottage Tree currently,” Cottage finally said after they ate their fill of stew and biscuits. “Cottage Trees were abundant centuries ago as way stations for weary travelers when they need a—”

A small bouquet of bell flowers appeared between the two ladies at the table. They jiggled three times, the sound of church bell tolls erupting from their vines.

“We have a visitor.” Cottage grinned widely.

#creative writing #rise #prologue #eleonora la Fay #humor #being confused for a full chapter straight #original character #original fiction #originally called dawn of heroes

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juneisreading · 2 years

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Founded on Rejection by Kat Singleton COVER REVEAL

Title: Founded on Rejection Series: Mixtape #4 Author: Kat Singleton Genre: Contemporary New Adult Romance Cover Design: Ashes and Vellichor Photo: Regina Wamba Model: Jered Sternaman Release Date: September 20, 2022

BLURB: I’ll only disappoint you. That sentence should’ve deterred me from Poe Hanson—it should’ve at least kept me from falling in love with him. The problem was, by the time he uttered those words it was already too late. He already had my heart, whether he wanted it or not. From the moment I first saw his sad eyes and guitar-worn hands, I knew I wanted him. His darkness spoke to my darkness. His hurt danced with my hurt. We seemed like a perfect fit. Except for one small detail—the only thing he will ever love is music. When he came to me offering a way I could finally have some part of him—to be friends with benefits—I knew it was dangerous, destined to fail. I’d always need more. But it didn’t matter. I took him in any way I could have him, knowing one day my heart would pay the price. I didn’t expect to be anything more than friends. I didn’t foresee our damaged puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. It didn’t occur to me that while I was handing my heart over to him; he was unknowingly doing the same. Most of all, I never thought the scars of my past could be mended by a love that had always been founded on rejection.

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AUTHOR BIO Kat Singleton is an author who developed a passion for reading and writing at a young age. When writing stories, she strives to write an authentically raw love story for her characters. She feels that no book is complete without some angst and emotional turmoil before the characters can live out their happily ever after. She lives in Kansas with her husband, her two kids, and her two doodles. In her spare time, you can find her surviving off iced coffee and sneaking in a few pages of her current read. If you're a fan of angsty, emotional, new adult romances then you'll love a Kat Singleton book. AUTHOR LINKS Website/Newsletter: https://www.authorkatsingleton.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authorkatsingleton Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorkatsingleton Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/574574313302888 TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRHpmSkt Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/19920088.Kat_Singleton Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/profile/kat-singleton All Links: https://authorkatsingleton.carrd.co

Follow me on IG: @jlreads_ Twt: @juneisreading

#cover reveal #contemporary romance #adult romance #kat singleton #mixtape series #founded on deception #founded on rejection #founded on temptation #founded on goodbye #books #new books #booklr #book blog

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thatbangtanbloom · 3 years

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unspoken | bts [1]

unspoken

teaser | [1]

characters: kim namjoon, kim seokjin, min yoongi, jung hoseok, park jimin, kim taehyung, jeon jungkook, reader

pairings: ot7 x fem! reader

categories: angst, fluff, smut

genre: idol!bts, idol!reader (maybe obsessive!bts??? yandere!bts???)

warnings: reader has her life TOGETHER (???appears to anyway), jungkook being sad about reader giving others (mostly tae) attention, make out on the couch, sex on the couch, all the boys kinda obsessive behavior mentioned at the end?, bts members are possessive (mostly jk!!), (uhhh may be slight yandere themes? no violence to)

a/n: this follows immediately after the teaser, so it mostly focuses on jungkook!!! other members will be introduced in the next chapters

It wasn’t like you weren’t used to holding things together. You had been trained for years to be a top idol. Five: those were the years you spent bringing your lyricism to perfection, years dedicated to personality training for variety shows and publicity conferences, years conjured up in between vocal training sessions and dance practices to make you every bit of a fourth generation idol that you could manage. As the leader of one of the the top girl groups in Korea, you had grown used to taking constructive criticism and turning it into perfect moves. You leveraged commercial film deals with ease as you opted for optimal screen time for each of your members easily. You easily quelled squabbles between the four other members in your group over bouts of jealousy and short term argument. For years, you trained as a lone gem to bring both men and women to your knees alike with the mere turn of your wrist or seductive smile. You were trained for everything.

What you were not trained for were your seven boyfriends. The seven of them did not hold a single provision in your years of training nor was there any booklet for explaining how to juggle their varying needs and degrees of affection they desired from you. None of them has been forecasted as an event in your already packed schedule between V-Lives, fan meetings, press conferences, or music shows when collecting win after win. You still managed your best.

When you were not preparing for a new album, learning a new dance routine, or writing new lyrics, your time was divided up amongst the seven of them. You often accompanied Seokjin as he played Maple Story with you settled into his lap with a giggle whenever he complained about the new skins. Or, you could be found sitting in the studio with Yoongi drinking iced americanos (a drink you detested more than the monthly evaluations you had as a trainee) working on lyrics together with your fingers entwined together. With Hoseok, you spent the bulk of your time dancing to your hearts content or pressed against one another in ways that would appear amoral if not for the spoken seductions he would whisper to you. Namjoon’s own commitment to giving you an endless list of recommendations as you laid in his arms, conversing about the black ink on white pages with full hearts. Jimin often meant being cuddled under heaps of blankets as you watched animal videos together and played with his hair when you were not reassuring him of how well he had done the day before. Taehyung meant practicing the scripts together for the dramas you would audition for and splashing each other to your hearts content as you washed the dishes of the dorm after Seokjin cooked. And lastly, being with Jungkook meant impromptu video shoots all the time; the boy wanting to remember every moment he spent with you as though it would be his last.

You may not had been the most organized, but you did know how to cherish each of your boys just as you did the other valuable people and aspirations within your life. While not meticulous, things almost always went to plan for you when you worked hard enough… but even that meant that surprises (especially the pleasant surprises) could make all the difference.

So it was given when you woke up at five in the morning the next day to find Jungkook sitting rigidly on the sofa, you had an inkling of how your day would go with this very uncommon occurence. The youngest of your boyfriends often opted for staying up only when playing video games or producing new tracks for his highly anticipated mixtape, but you saw nothing in hand but his phone.

“You’re awake.” You comment as you lean over the couch to press your lips gently against his temple. All the tension in his body seems to leave when his arms snake around your waist to send you plummeting into his lap.

Jungkook had always been rather fond of using his strength against you.

“You were with hyung again, last night.” He stares more so as a statement rather than a question. It had been one of those days when things felt a bit too overwhelming and Taehyung had sensed it before you. It was not intentional you found yourself being coddled by the raven haired man, but it seemed to be happening more and more as contract recertification was coming and the girls growing increasingly antsy about future concepts.

You can hear the displeasure in Jungkook’s voice. “Is something wrong?” You ask as you sit up in his lap to touch his cheek.

“You’re always with him.” Jungkook whispers with a frown settling on his lips. “You know he’s not your only boyfriend, right? There’s me... and the others..”

You bite the inside of your lip as you think about the delicate balance of your relationship with the seven of them. Their feelings weren’t as easy as dodging invasive questions in a press conference or could be corrected after a quick meeting with producers. Perhaps you were not as prepared as you thought. You just wanted to hold it together again.

“I know you’re my boyfriend too, Kook.” You say as you snake your arms around his shoulders. “You know that I love you all equally, right?”

Scoffing, Jungkook pouts. “You say that,”

“Jungkook.” You frown deeper as you press your forehead against his. “I mean it. I love you all the same! Each of you have your own charms that make me realize why I wanted to be with you in the first place. I love you just as much as I love Taehyung and I love Taehyung just as much as I love Seokjin. And I love Seokjin as much as I love Nam-“

“야.. 야... I gathered that much. You could have stopped with loving me.” Jungkook jokes, making the familiar flutter of your stomach return. You were happy he understood. “I’m not letting you off the hook that easily.”

“You’re not?” You muse with a raise of your brow.

“Mmm.” Jungkook replies as his hands grip both of your hips to pull you closer before pressing you flushed against his chest. “I can think of ways for you to make it up to me, baby girl.” He is no less subtle as his hands run up along your sides and settle over your breast. He opts for teasing the right one first, circling the sensitive bud between his index finger and thumb. “I can think of a very good way for you to make it up to me.”

He lifts up your white shirt and tugs down the cup of your bra to place an open-mouthed kiss onto your right breast and then your left with a long sigh. “So. so..so fucking pretty and all for me,” His words send vibrations along your skin. He reluctantly pulls back, watching your shirt fall back over your frame and rubs the small of your back gingerly. “I always want you, you know that, right?”

“If you want me, you know you already have me.” You quip prior to kissing along his jawline. He was a sucker for kisses there- he always had been. The thought of your kisses alone could have him cupping the base of his cock and edging himself for release when he thinks about your soft lips on his jaw, his neck, his lips, his cock.

Nevertheless, you scoff at his words. He always amused you when he pulled out that nickname in particular, but you couldn’t deny that it combined with the taunting look in his eyes did provoke some part of you. “I have to get back to the dorms before the girls wake up, Jungkook.”

“I’ll drive you.” He offers with a smile as devilish as Lucifer himself. Jeon Jungkook was equal parts crafty as he was intelligent.

“As enticing as it is to do that and we both know how badly I do want you,” you preface as you toy with the golden chain that dangles around Jungkook’s neck. He had known you were far too fond of it. “That will draw attention.. they’ll recognize your car.” You frown in attempts to reasoning with him. He doesn’t back down though; he never does when it comes to you.

“We can figure things out,” He whispers as he begins to kiss along you neck slowly. The sensation of his lips are gentle in comparison to the way his hips rut against your own. “Just wanna be inside you.. it’s been so long.”

The youngest of your boyfriends always had a bit of an appetite. During award shows, he often was the first to come find you in some miraculous show of stealth. Even during concerts when BigHit would hold its annual New Years Eve Live, he would linger backstage to catch a glimpse of you. You have dated him long enough to know the subtlety was not his forte. Now was no different.

You tug lightly at the ends of his hair to make him look at you. It is instinctual; the moan falling from his lips as his grip on your hip tightens. It does not stop either as he expertly rolls his hips against your spread ones.

“Wanna feel your tight pussy around my thick cock,” He rasps into your ear as his right hand slights down your hip to your ass and cups it. His hands are a stark contrast to how his lips kiss your skin like a brush on the canvas. He wants all of you. He wants to feel a part of you in the deepest way. “Please? I need you so badly, baby.” He whispers as his member presses more in between your thighs, just over your clothed sex.

You let out a curse from his wandering hands. “You really know how to provoke me, huh?” You shake your head in amusement as you pin Jungkook down onto the couch. He follows easily - he’s always been a good boy whenever you’re around you.

“You shouldn’t hold back. You know I like it rough, YN-ah.” He presses his tongue against the side of his cheek. It’s always been a tell of his when he can barely hold it together - can barely hold back from wanting to feel all of you. “No teasing either.” He’s always been eager to test you, eager to see how much you would let him get away with.

You straddle his hips with practiced ease while untying his gray sweatpants, “You’ve always talked too much.” You halfheartedly remark as you tug down the taut fabric down his tanned thick thighs.

“You love it when I talk,” He quips back. He’s smug as his hand reaches out to stroke your cheek gingerly. He watches you with nothing but admiration and lust in his eyes. He’s always enjoyed how you take control, but that does not mean that he is not one to challenge you. What was the fun in fully submitting when you could make him? “But you like it so much more when my head is between your pretty thighs, don’t you? You like the way my tongue thrusts into your tight pussy until you’re on the brink of cumming?”

You give a noncommittal hum as every so often, his thumb presses down over the denim of your jeans to your clit to intensify the flex of his thigh. He’s always loved this view of you hovering over him, moaning from the slightest action he gives you and wanting more until it drives you over the edge. He knows you could quite possibly cum just from this alone, but Jeon Jungkook has always been a generous man.

With this in mind, he takes advantage of your hips lingering over his right thigh after shifting to toss his sweatpants to the side to press his flexed thigh against you and sends you flush against his chest with a smirk. He likes seeing the contorted look of frustration on your look from the sudden change of pace and he only raises a brow. “What’s wrong, baby? Did you think I would give in easily?”

“Oh, Jungkook,” You give a breathy sigh as your eyes meet his own full blown ones. He’s always had gorgeous chocolate brown eyes; the usual galaxy colored in them eclipsed by something far darker. Before you can reprimand him, he presses down harder onto your hips until you straddle his thigh and flexes his thigh once more. The sensation makes you sensitive, especially when he manages to brush your clit with the slightest action.

What a brat, he was.

You don’t hold back the moan that escapes from the back of your throat. He is more keen to feel all of you when your hands fall to his chest to try to regain your posture, but Jungkook finds it more endearing the way you still grind against his flexed thigh like a fucked out kitten.

He knows that he could cum simply from hearing your moans alone, but you’ve taught him well at holding out. He watches the way your hips press harder against his own thigh, wanting to feel all of him despite the two layers of clothing that separate him from you.

He takes initiative to unbutton the top of your jeans before rolling them down your thighs. He is speedy as his arm grips your waist to press you against his chest and they soon join the puddle of his own jeans on the floor. He has always been insatiable when it comes to you, often eager to drop to his knees and eat you out until the sunrise, and a burning sensation in your stomach tells you that this time won’t be any different.

“What was that about needing to get back to your dorms?” He asks with smirk on his face as he turns your chin to look at him. His words are accusatory, acting as though you were not riding his thigh to fruition. “I can think of a better way to do this, though.”

“So can I,” You reply after finally getting over the initial high of him teasing you.

“Mmm,” Jungkook whispers without another word. Normally shy around others, he never could quite control himself around you. He had no intention on doing so either, especially not when you were half clothed in front of him and he had gotten the taste of you he had wanted, but still, Jeon Jungkook remained insatiable. “I have a request.”

“A request?” You repeat back to him with a tilt of your head. You can tell that he is the temptation incarnate as his hands begin to cup your sex and slowly his middle and index finger begin to tease your wet folds through your panties.

Nodding, he indents his sense with a tug at your panties to send them down your thighs. “Mmm. A request-“ He says before once more rolling on top of you and pinning you down into the couch. He never did get tired of manhandling you-the way your body fell limp under his just with the swiftness of his moves was more than enough to have his cock grow harder to be inside of you, but he would wait. He would be good until you told him not to be.

“And that is…” You find it hard to keep up the conversation, especially when Jungkook drops to his elbows to carefully cup both of your hips and draw you nearer to him. Your pussy grows wetter just from the way his index finger continues to brush over your clit before swiping down your slit to get a bit of your essence and he licks his fingers.

He does not answer you, only opting to connect his lips against your aching cunt without warning. Soft like petals, his lips kiss your clit ever so slightly prior to him moving closer to you like a man starved to begin to send stripes of love against your cunt with his tongue. The first of them has you bucking your hips to entrance his face between your thighs, but the rest nearly have you twitching for more. Perhaps you were a bit more worked up then you anticipated.

Your hands immediately find chase in his hair, wanting to remember each thrust into your tight pussy from Jungkook’s thick tongue. He is careful to savor each drop of your essence that begins to paint his jaw with love. He honestly thinks he can grow drunk from the amazing taste that dribbles from you.

“Fuck, you taste so good.” He rasps against your cunt, only adding to the vibrations of your tight pussy. “I just wanna stay between your thighs forever.” His licks are ultimately calculated, but every now and then he grows lost in your essence as his nose begins to bump against your clit every so often. The added sensation has you nearly stuttering out his name. “Fuck, I really want to be inside this tight pussy. You like the way I eat your pussy, don’t you?”

You are keenly aware of Jungkook’s love of praise and you ultimately have no problem giving it to him as you choke out on your moans, “That feels so good, Kook-fuck- baby boy, knows how to eat pussy well, doesn’t he?“

“Fuck, I almost just from hearing that,” He rasps out, making you realize how he grinds against the cushion of the couch at the same cadence of you bucking your hips. He’s so fucked out at this point, barely able to hold it together when he can feel how tightly your walls clench around his wet tongue. It turns him on to no end and he can only think of how tightly you would fit around him. “You know,” He pulls back slowly, but his fingers still return to scissor inside your wet cunt as he leans forward on his knees to hover over you. “You know you could have all of us to yourselves, right? For a whole week… no distractions,” He curls his fingers inside of you, making you moan louder in pleasure from how good it feels. “It’s been a long time since you’ve felt Yoongi-hyung’s tongue inside of your pretty pussy, huh?”

The thought of Yoongi alone make you tighten your hips a bit more and you nod. Yet, you still question, where is he going with this?

“I’ve been thinking.. well,” He stops rubbing your clit for a moment to make sure you have his full attention before adding another finger. Before he can continue, he finds himself growing more lustful for the essence that pools at your hips and returns his mouth onto your wet cunt with a sigh of relief. He’s in euphoria with each moan that escapes your mouth. “You taste so fucking sweet “-and we want to go on a trip. The eight of us. You’ve got break and so do we coming up. I’m sure we could fit things together, right?”

Fitting things together - all you can think about is how perfect Jungkook would fit inside of you if he weren’t eating you out right now, but you are not one to complain. You are more than happy to spend time with the boys, “Of course… I would love tha-“ You suck in a deep breath to mask the moan when Jungkook finds your g-spot without much need to look. He memorized you like the back of his hand.

“Mmm, I can tell you’re close.” He smirks as he slaps your ass. The added pain as you wiggling your hips for more friction against his tongue, but he likes seeing you like this. Completely at his mercy and every whim to treat you as he pleases. You who seemingly always held things together, crumbling right in front of him as a slobbering mess as he eats you out. It was so hot.

“Shit-“ You rasp out as you feel the familiar twinge in your stomach. Your walls only tighten more around Jungkook’s fingers as he speeds up the pace to watch the way your face contours into pleasure. Your back arches when he curls his fingers inside of you for a third time and unknowingly to you, Jungkook finds his own release chasing after yours when his cock throbs more in pleasure. “I’m so close Jungkook-“

“Me too, baby, fuck,.” He whispers as he increases the thrust of his fingers inside of you to match the thrust of his own hips to bring you both to your eyes. His thighs flex as the familiar tension in his stomach bubbles up and he wants to cum all over you. God, he wants to lick every drop of your cum from your body as it mixes with his own.

Without another word, your high comes crashing down as your eyes shut closed and your hips buckle one last time around Jungkook’s fingers. You call out out his name before realizing it and tightly encapsulate his fingers between your thighs as you lazily ride out your high.

Jungkook does not fair any better as he uses his free hand to cup the base of his cock and pump the aching desire that begins to consume him. Seeing you cum is more than enough to have his stomach tense one last time before white ribbons paint your stomach, making him grunt in pleasure from how sexy you are and the intensity of the orgasm that he had just experienced.

He collapses on top of you, sighing into the crook of your neck as he nuzzles his face affectionately into your own. Despite the ache in your core somewhat subsiding, Jungkook still grinds his softening cock against your thigh for the last of his high, “Fuck.. that was so good.”

“You did well,” you reassure him as you pant up and down. You turn your face to press a kiss against his lips and smile. “I’m also excited for this trip you guys are planning.”

Jungkook blinks as he thinks about the trip and nods shyly. He leans more into your touch, wanting to feel all of you as he snakes his arms around his waist to hold you close. “I am too… I just really want to be with you, but the others also want it too…”

“I want to be with them too. I love you and them, you know?” You whisper quietly into his ear while gingerly stroking his cheek.

“I love you too,” Jungkook whispers against your skin while leaving butterfly kisses along your shoulder. “But.. can I ask you something else?”

You nod, “Mmm?”

“Please don’t spend so much time with Taehyung,” Jungkook whispers as he finds himself growing more demure. HE doesn’t want to see your reaction; the way your features furrow into confusion at the request in fear of you rejecting him. “I’m not saying to avoid him.. but .. but please try to be with me a lot, too.. I. I worry you’ll stop loving me… or won’t think of me.. and forget me.” He felt incredibly vulnerable in front of you, especially now when he has done his best to give it all to you, but it still makes him nervous.

“Jungkook,” Your features soften at his words and you gingerly stroke his cheek. “I think of you so much. You know that right? I love you a lot and will do better since it worries you. You mean just as much to me as everyone else does.” You smile warmly, “So don’t worry about it… okay?”

Your words provide him some solace, so Jungkook shyly agrees, “Okay..” He whispers, but his grip on your hand doesn’t let go. Nevermind that he was your boyfriend, along with his six haunts who you loved equally just as you loved him. He could sense the growing tension between the seven of them as they all tried to vy for your attention.

He knew of Jimin’s own interest of whisking you away from everyone with his pretty eye smile and wanting to teach you contemporary dances so you could see the way that Jimin would lead you away. Hell, even Jimin had suggested that he would be eager to take you away from everyone if he had the chance. Namjoon was no better, only thinking of the sparkle I your eyes as he suggested a new book to you, a new concept that ultimately left you in awe of him to where you would ideally follow him and never move away.

Seokjin had made it clear of his own intents to have you and you alone when he suggested taking you back home to meet his family and see the traditional way of doing things in Korea; the smile his parents would give from finding someone so prim and proper like you. Though appearing aloof, Yoongi had his own stake in luring you into his own embrace through words of eloquence, rhymes to make your heart dizzy, and a tongue to course you into things unimaginable. Hoseok’s own methodology of spoiling you to no end with attention and suggested dancing was the first part of many to guide you into his charms; the others focusing on learning every bit of you until the end for him to ruin.

Taehyung had been the most bold of it - eagerly molding himself to be whatever you wanted under the guise of practicing monologues and scenes from his favorite movies. Too keenly aware, Jungkook could recognize how very much their own behaviors were no different from his own as he laid in wake to catch you alone and make you his at every opportunity he could with a voice like a siren and bright galaxy eyes that made you want to give him anything he asked for. He had to be keenly aware of this when it would be so easy to let go with six others wanting your attention alone.

To make you let go. And he would be damned if would let you go, either. If he couldn’t have you, no one else would be able to either.

- - - -

Don't be a silent reader! how do you think the relationship is going to go now that you know a bit more about the relationship dynamic?

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thetrap · 4 years

Text

why i think deancas just might go canon

i’ve been wanting to write this for a bit, but i haven’t really had the time until now. basically this is just a super unorganized collection of thoughts i have on why i think that dean and castiel actually have a fairly decent shot of becoming canon (and by decent shot i mean like.....a solid 5% chance. and that’s being generous). this is based off of the show itself (obviously), quotes from andrew dabb, and other things.

1. andrew dabb is deancas positive

i made a post a while back that never made it out of the drafts, but it was basically a summation of all the good deancas shit dabb has given us as a writer. here are the bullet points:

- the hug/"i'm not leaving here without you!" moment in purgatory (8x02)

- "don't lose it over one man"

- "he's in love.....with humanity"

- cas/colette parallel ("dean. stop.") in 10x22

- just the fight scene from the prisoner in general like......wow

- sam/jess and dean/cas parallel in 12x23

- "we've lost everything......and now, you're gonna bring him back" + dean's just generally overwhelming grief in 13x01

- "and how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.....you know, everything"

and these are just the big moments.

also notable is the fact that an activist sent dabb (and some of the other producers of spn i think) a book about dean and cas and why the fans want it/why it would be a good thing for the show. a few years later, meghan fitzmartin (who wrote the most recent episode!) was hired as dabb’s assistant, went into his office and posted a tweet a with pictures of the book, saying something along the lines of “doing some reading for work!”

the fact that dabb actually kept a fanmade deancas book for years.....the fact that he’s consistently written episodes with really strong subtext for years.....the fact that the dean and castiel romantic tension has only picked up since he took over as showrunner (mixtape, lily sunder, cas’s death, dean’s grief arc, the entirety of season fifteen, etc.)......idk i just think it’s really interesting that there has been such a marked shift since he was put in charge.

2. the mixtape

i know this was a few seasons ago, but it’s still relevant because like. a mixtape is not platonic. this scene was not platonic. full-stop.

and it’s not even the act by itself; it’s also the dialogue!! “it was a gift. you keep those.” this is more than likely a direct callback to aragorn and arwen in lord of the rings (that’s the first thing i thought of, at least).

the fact that dabb let this slide, like......he knows what this looks like. berens and glynn, who wrote this episode, know what it looks like. they knew precisely how this would be perceived, and then wrote and aired the scene anyways.

and that’s not even getting into the camerawork. like what?? was this shot???

yeah so. definitely not platonic.

3. the trap

honestly i thought about just posting this part of this overlong essay thing, because to me, this is the episode where i went okay, so this might actually happen.

there are SO many things in this episode that made me go insane the first time i watched it (”i left, but you didn’t stop me”) but the thing that stuck out to me the most was dean’s reaction to castiel saying, “you don’t have to say it. i heard your prayer,” when dean tries to tell him something.

like?????? he does not look relieved!! nor does he look particularly happy!!

hell, if you go back and watch the video you can literally see him swallow his words down like....jensen ackles is the master of micro expressions and that shit is Not Accidental. this moment 100% gives the vibe that there is something that is not being said. the camera following dean as he gives cas a lingering look is really interesting too.

3. dabb’s comments about dean and cas in season 15

this part is actually sort of related to the point above, since a lot of dabb’s comments are in reference to “the trap.” here are some interesting ones that i want to point out:

But the Leviathan won’t be the focal point of the purgatory story. Rather, it’s about what Dean and Castiel are going through. “They’re not going to resolve the emotional stuff, but it allows them to redefine their friendship a little bit in light of what’s happened especially earlier this season,” Dabb says. (x)

the key thing here is that dabb said that, in 15x09, dean and cas are “not going to resolve the emotional stuff.”

now. i don’t know about you, but dean falling to his knees, praying to cas and weeping feels a lot like emotional resolution to me. like, sure, things will probably be awkward between them for a while, but surely this is the peak moment of their emotional vulnerability with each other, right? surely this is the moment where they’ve resolved the issue between them? like how the fuck does it get more intensely emotional than this??

yet dabb seems to be implying that it will, which leaves us with the million dollar question: what is left about dean and cas’ relationship to resolve?

keep in mind that as of 15x16, there hasn’t been much forward movement on that front; that is, we’ve had some cute moments between them, but in terms of serious conversation about their relationship, there’s been basically nothing. so we can assume that this development, whatever it is, will occur in 15x18, since dean and cas will be separated for most of 15x17, as cas will be off with sam.

aka the episode where cas will likely get yanked away by the empty. aka the episode with the teary (!!!) conversation we saw in the promo between dean and cas.

also notable from the above quote is dabb saying that dean and cas are redefining their friendship. like....redefining how? to what?? that wording is just really interesting to me.

another quote from dabb re “the trap”:

(x)

it forces them to “start that process.” indicating yet again that the prayer scene between dean and cas is not the moment where whatever is between them is resolved. yet, from where we are right now, dean and cas seem mostly fine. which means that whatever they have yet to work out doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their fight.

lastly:

a really significant chunk of what happens to dean in 15x09 is him confronting his issues with cas. don’t get me wrong - there are other important things that happen in the episode - but the fact that an episode where so much time/emotional energy is given to dean and cas’ dynamic is considered a turning point for dean is very notable and, to me, speaks to the importance of their relationship for the rest of the season.

4. dean/cas and sam/eileen being set up as units

i’m of the opinion that sam and dean will (by choice) go their separate ways at the end of the show. i think this for a variety of reasons that i wrote about here, and to add onto this, i think that dean/cas and sam/eileen are, in a way, being set up as two units.

this theory comes from two points:

1. the fact that eileen got brought back at all

this isn’t to say that eileen isn’t an interesting character all on her own/outside of her romance with sam, but the fact that they brought her back and then proceeded to set her up in this romance feels really significant to me. what’s especially interesting is how, even after she leaves in 15x09, we get a continuation of their romance in 15x14. i don’t necessarily think that she’s sam’s endgame in the sense that the final episode will show sam going to her or whatever, but i do think that part of the reason she was brought back was so that sam would have someone who he loves/someone he could potentially build a life with after he and dean defeat chuck.

2. the way the two couples were portrayed in “the trap”

like....just watch the future scenes in the bunker. there’s very much a sense that these are two couples living together. and “ever since the mark made cas go crazy, ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box.” note the use of i, not we. and then dean/cas and sam/eileen are directly paralleled when dean tells sam he needs to give it up after eileen’s death, comparing it to how dean has given it up after having to bury cas in the ma’lak box.

5. dean does not do Well without cas

this is probably an understatement. there have been a couple of notable instances in this season where the viewer is given a glimpse of what happens to dean when cas dies/is in danger of death/is separated from dean (in case the whole ass widower arc in s13 wasn’t enough).

two of these are from “the trap”:

1. dean freaking out/crying/praying when he’s separated from cas in purgatory

2. dean giving up on life/hunting after burying cas in the ma’lak box in the future world

3. dean’s reaction to cas temporarily going to the empty in 15x13

the one i want to spend the most time on is number two, in large part because sam was witness to it and i think that this might get brought up in 15x17.

part of my spec for that episode is that cas will tell sam about his deal/sam will find out somehow, and in reaction sam might tell cas about how dean reacted to his death in s13 - a conversation that was notably absent from the show when cas finally returned in 13x05. i also think that he might mention no. 2 above, basically telling cas that if he dies, dean is done. that he won’t be able to handle it/move past it. the show has been telling us this over and over for a while now, and it’s only been emphasized more in season 15. i think that 15x17 is the episode where this will finally be verbally expressed.

to me, all of this emphasis on dean giving up when cas is gone isn’t for nothing. in my opinion, it’s being done very purposefully to set up an endgame where dean and cas are together in some sense of the word. and a lot of what i’ve said above is what makes me think it’ll be a Romantic together.

5. bobo berens’ three part deancas saga

so we all know that berens is pretty much spn’s foremost deancas warrior, and what i want to point out here is how this season has been utilizing him as a writer.

this season, berens has three solo episodes (he wrote “galaxy brain” with meredith glynn):

1. the rupture

2. the trap

3. despair (formerly known as “the truth”)

so far, these first two episodes have had major deancas moments. you could even label them as:

1. the rupture (the breakup)

2. the trap (the reconciliation)

3. depair (???)

keep in mind also that berens wrote 14x18, where the dean and cas sort of had a preliminary breakup. he’s been in charge of this arc for a while, and the fact that so much of his writing this season has been deancas focused.......i don’t know, i just think it’s significant in part because, while berens has always been deancas positive, he also writes plenty of episodes that aren’t focused on dean and cas. but now, in the final season, the dean and cas emotional arc has been handed to him, and it’s been the primary focus on his writing.

(sidenote: berens was promoted to executive producer for this final season)

to me, this is all leading to a big moment between dean and cas in 15x18 - and the fact that it was at one point called “the truth,” only to be switched back to despair - makes me think that there will be some sort of confession involved. my money is on cas being the one to say it (especially since this would line up with the leak), especially given the glimpse we saw of (what might be) this moment in the promo. which leads me to...

6. cas does not cry

i saved this for last because the promo where we see teary-eyed cas is actually what pulled me back into this shitshow.

cas does not cry. like. ever. he got a little teary in 15x15, when jack told him of his plan to sacrifice himself, but we have never - never - seen him shed actual tears. and in the promo, particularly that shot where cas says “you have fought for this whole world,” it 100% looks like cas is about to cry cry.

cas has seen his son die. he has seen dean die. he died himself, over and over and over. and we have never seen him cry.

yet for some reason, in this moment of vulnerability with dean, he’s crying. i find it highly unlikely that cas would cry because of his impending death, for a number of reasons (for one, he wouldn’t want to upset dean more than he has to). so, assuming he’s not crying because of his own death, then what is making cas so emotional that he is genuinely crying for the first time in the twelve seasons he has been on the show?

my guys.....i can only think of one thing.

#THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG OH MY GOD #i'm so sorry for this i just have SO many thoughts about this and had to get them all down #disclaimer: i still think it's highly unlikely we'll get confirmed romantic deancas #but i do think there's a chance #and this is why #deancas #destiel #s15 spoilers #spec

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rouiyan · 4 years

Text

already yours.

part of the ‘before i met you’ collective.

pairing — lee jeno x (fem.) reader genre — like a sultry sweet aus — college au, fwb2l disclaimers — swearing, mentions of sex. length — 1049

synopsis: promise that if you were mine i'd never let it go to waste.

song: thinkin bout you - katie, comme de garcons - jiwoo.

a/n: head mpty, no idea what or how to write.

__________

it takes a few moments for your head to clear, the most recent occurence forming a fog in between your thoughts. through the now-translucent haze, you hear jeno's irregular breathing against your chest accompanied by the wetness of his tears. he's looking for a reaction in your blank face as if any minute sign of expression would be able to supply him a clue to how you're feeling but he knows that nothing will show unless you will it to.

per usual, jeno arrived at your door step, a certain look in his eyes that you try your best not to think about too often. he isn't one to say much, especially when it's already written all over his face, but you were nothing if not in full knowledge about what he was here for. a quick fuck, a rush of pleasure. you don't know much about jeno but you do know he has a quite the hefty line of girls that are readily available and fully content with taking your place, seeing as you're starting to notice some other things about jeno that might make him out as more than just the services he provides. but if anything, it's those very things, those feelings, that keeps you by his side.

the last two of his little visits, including the one you were experiencing at this very moment, you found him lingering behind instead of rushing out as soon as the deed was done. as he'd let himself come down from his highs, he'd cry, loud and bordering a mental breakdown, until he'd fall asleep in your arms and wake up crying again. your mind comes blank every time you even begin to ponder the reasonings and there really isn't much that you can chalk it up to, with your not so extensive knowledge of the boy himself.

not wanting to overreach your boundaries with this particular 'friend,' you settle for a, "care to share?" this time around because it seems rude to just lay there in such an intimate position, bare bodies pressed together, and feel completely indifferent to his emotional escapades. he shakes his head, a small smile forming at your soft eyes, "maybe next time."

next time, as it happened, was a few weeks after but technically didn't mark the first time following that instance where you'd come into contact with him. a dark college party, drunken bodies attempting to right themselves and those still intact all swarming in a small house of some unfortunate soul. you went alone in the hopes that it could mount to some sort of stress reliever to your studies. jeno was there purely for his friends as a designated driver. neither of these hopes and designations played out, however, because as soon as jeno noticed your presence in the corner of his eye, he felt the inexplicable need to get you out of the damned party, out of the eyes of thirsting boys. ironical, he thought, since the only thing he ever did with you was satisfy his own thirst.

not much persuasion later, he had you sat atop the hood of his car that was parked in the outskirts of a sparse plaza, the only shop open at the hour being the one that housed the gas station. jeno had bought you a slushie and watched your frown as you saw the blue raspberry flavor he presented, much preferring cherry. he blushed at this, forgetting to ask for your preferences beforehand, but was still calmed by the content look on your face as you leaned back on your elbows to get a broader view of the empty, black sky. he watched as you sipped the liquid remnants of the slushie and how you furrowed your eyebrows when he offered to throw away the container for you. he watched but he also felt things for you that he knew with upmost certainty that he would never be able to voice aloud.

next time, it was you who had appeared at the threshold of his apartment, without a care to his worried expression, and fucking him senseless not five minutes later. it was so easy to see the tears in his eyes, you didn't even need to see to know they were there. but it was this time that you cried along with him, quiet and small tears fled the gates that so carefully guarded your expression at all times. he was a reminder of how simple it was to be vulnerable around a boy that wore his heart on his sleeve and it was not much a feat for the same boy to win your heart, involuntarily.

you wanted nothing more than to, for once, strip your heart naked for him instead of your body. jeno might as well be crowned for the forces he compelled you to face, a sea of emotions in comparison to a placid lake. in most instances, you saw to it that there was just as much, if not less, love than lust. revelations washed over your soul, blanketing your flight responses rather than fight, leaving you in the predicament that now encircled your waist.

when did my world become you?

a small voice, his head buried in the depths of your tangled hair and crevices of your back but you heard it anyways, "are we crying for the same reason?"

you turned in his arms, ready to capture his lips in sincerity to silence them, but the look on his face felt like a reflection of yours, a mirror. you blinked back oncoming tears and instead brought a hand to his face, to stroke the tears apart. in his eyes, he carried the most brilliant galaxy of stars, swirling listlessly with gloss. there was no perfect time to come clean, there was only time and will separate, and you willed yourself to let your eyes shine in his. to believe, even for a second, that your dilemma was equally shared with his. surely, "yes."

his breathy laugh fanned across your face, smelling of mouthwash. you paid his reaction no mind and carried on with your conviction, "i want you to be mine."

"well sweetheart," he was anything but at a loss for words, "i'd have to inform you that i'm already yours, all yours."

__________

end a/n: i’m debating whether i should take down ‘his mixtape of us’ or not because i hate it but i also have a few more parts in my drafts that i could upload when i’m too busy. edit: took it down :D

#nct #nct fics #nct jeno #jeno x reader #lee jeno #jeno angst #jeno fluff #rouiyan fics #rouiyan writes #archived

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theydontknowaboutusimagines · 4 years

Text

The Set Up - Harry Styles One Shot (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

A week has passed since your sort of date with Harry that ended with a kiss. He had left for New York for some appearances and wouldn’t be back until later in the week. Despite the time difference and your schedules, you two had found time to FaceTime or call one another. The conversations started with mostly small talk, but as each conversation grew longer it turned into more.

Neither have you had really addressed the kiss until about the third conversation a few days into his trip. You were rambling about something you don’t even remember, when all of a sudden Harry just blurted out, “I really wish I could kiss you right now.”

You stopped mid-sentence looking into the phone, noticing a bit of redness tinting his cheeks, “Why? So, I’ll stop talking?” You joked.

“No,” he laughed adjusting the phone. “Because just one kiss wasn’t enough for me and you’re looking really hot right now.”

“Oh, well, thank you,” you smirked flipping your hair back. “But if it’s any consolidation, I wouldn’t mind kissing you again, too.”

“So, you’re perfectly fine with picking me up at the airport when I land in a few days?” He smirked.

“I’ll send you my Uber rates,” you joked.

He laughed shaking his head, “Have spoken with my sister lately?”

“Um, I’m actually grabbing drinks with her tonight,” you said. “Why? Is there something you want me to tell her or not tell her?”

“Well, she’s probably going to ask about us,” he said.

“Yep, it’ll probably be the first topic of conversation,” you laughed. “Since we both know she’ll ask, what do you want me to tell her?”

“A huge fucking part of me wants to not tell her because the last thing I want to hear is her bragging that she was right,” he laughed. “It was bloody annoying when we were younger and it’s still bloody annoying now.”

“So, what you’re saying is don’t tell her that we’re talking and that you kissed me?” You smirked.

“Pretty sure you kissed me back, love,” he smirked. “You’re just as guilty.”

“Better lock me up and throw away the key then,” you joked.

“Don’t tempt me,” he winked.

“Anyway,” you laughed. “Back to your sister.”

He coughed, “Right, even though I rather not hear her bragging, she’ll find out eventually, so might as well get used to it.”

“Sounds good,” you smiled. “Besides it wouldn’t feel right lying to her. She is my best friend.”

“I don’t know why, but hearing you say that makes me happy,” he said.

“And hearing you say that makes me happy,” you smiled.

Later that day, you arrived at the restaurant where you were meeting Gemma for dinner and drinks. You had a meeting that ran over, so you were practically power walking to get there. When you walked inside, you instantly saw her and made your way over.

“So, sorry,” you gasped. “Meeting ran late.”

“No worries,” she smiled. “Everything okay though?”

“Yeah, we’ve got a photoshoot set up with an artist tomorrow, so we are going over details, plus we’re recording for the Podcast tomorrow, too, so just... we go through spurts where we have plenty of time to get shit done and the other’s it’s like we’re grasping at it,” you said.

“Well, you certainly sound like you need a drink,” she laughed pushing her glass over towards you.

You laughed taking a sip from it, “Thank you. Oh, wow, that’s delicious.”

“Yep, can’t even taste the vodka,” she laughed.

“And that’s when they’re dangerous,” you giggled.

After the two of you had ordered dinner, you could tell by her demeanor she was about to change the subject and you knew exactly what it was going to be.

“Okay, it’s been like a week or so since I introduced you to my brother, I’ve been more than accommodating by not pressing you for details, so spill,” she said. “Just.. if there’s any like sexual details, feel free to keep those out, in fact, I’d rather you did.”

You laughed,”I can say there are zero sexual details to even talk about it,” you said.

“Good,” she smirked. “But anyway, so what details are there to talk about?”

“I mean, we did talk that night after the party,” you said. “We just you know, did small talk, he asked me about The Mixtape and that was about it.”

“So, that’s it,” she said. “That’s the only conversation you’ve had with him?”

“Well, I mean, we’ve talked on the phone a few times,” you said nonchalantly.

Gemma smirked, “Interesting.”

“Don’t even get that look on your face,” you said. “We’ve spoken a few times, met for dinner, doesn’t mean we’re getting married here, Gem.”

“Well, I’d be a little worried if you were,” she joked. “But really, that’s uh. that’s nice. What do you think of him?”

“I’m not discussing that with you,” you said.

“And why not?” She asked.

“Because if I say I don’t like him, you’ll get upset or offended,” you said. “And if I say I do like him, you’ll tell him or you’ll start freaking out getting all excited or something that might not even happen.”

“Okay, one, I want you to know that you’re my best friend,” she said. “Even though I introduced the two of you and if there is anything comes from you two hanging out, I would never mix my relationship with you and him. If you told me someone in confidence, I wouldn’t tell him and vice vera.”

“Well, thank you for that,” you smiled.

“So, tell me,” She smirked.

“Again, we’re still getting to know one another,” you said. “So, there’s nothing to tell just yet.”

“Yet?” She smirked.

“Don’t do that,” you laughed. “Don’t try to twist my words to make it seem like you’re getting information.”

“I’m not,” she defended. “But seriously, let’s talk hypotheticals here, if there was some feelings building, would you want to pursue a relationship with him.”

You rolled your eyes, “Well, that would depend on if he would want to pursue a relationship as well. And do you honestly believe he would even consider that with going on tour? I mean hypothetically speaking.”

“Look, if you were hypothetically having any doubt about him going on tour or whatever,” she said moving around in her chair. “Don’t because I can guarantee that he felt something for you to get into a relationship, he would do whatever he needed to make it work.”

“Well, hypothetical me is happy to hear that,” you nodded.

“Why?” She smirked.

“Because hypothetical me would most likely not turn down the offer,” you said.

Harry was backstage preparing for one of his secret shows in New York. He had only a few more days and then he’d be headed back home to London. He couldn’t believe how much you had been on his mind ever since that kiss. It took everything in him to pull away that night, but he knew it was better that you two stopped in that moment instead of taking it further.

He really liked you, so he didn’t want to give you the idea it was just about sex because it wasn't for him. When Gemma had mentioned setting him up, he thought nothing of it. He knew it wasn’t the time to start a relationship and he wasn’t even looking for one. Yeah, it sucked not having someone like that in his life, but he was okay being on his own.

But after meeting you, he knew all of that was about to change, he just hoped you felt the same way. Not only was he worried about how you felt about him, but he was worried that you wouldn’t want to give him a chance because he would be on tour. If you decided you weren’t ready for that, he would completely understand. Hell, he didn’t even know if the shoe was on the other foot if he’d be willing to start a new relationship with someone who would be traveling for months on end, being in different time zones.

Only a few of his past relationships actually occurred while he was on tour. Usually, he only worried about dating someone when he knew he would have time off, which wasn’t much during his One Direction days. Of course, looking back being on tour was usually one of the reasons behind the inevitable break up during those.

However, he couldn’t focus on that because touring was always going to be apart of his life, at least he hoped it would be. If he wanted to find that special someone who could share his life with, he would have to find a way to make it work and he knew that if anyone was worth trying, it would be with you.

It was crazy just how fast his feelings came on, of course, he knew a lot of it was the newness of it, but he could tell there was something different about it, about you. Maybe it was because you already knew his sister and his mother, you already had their approval. Or maybe, just like Gemma had said, you were the one person who was perfect for him.

“You ever going to tell me why you’ve been so glued to your phone and acting all giddy and shit,” Jeff asked, bringing Harry out of his thoughts.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, mate,” Harry said putting his phone in his pocket and grabbing a water to sip on.

“And now you’re lying,” Jeff said. “There’s something different about you.”

“Ever think maybe it’s because I’m back in the game again? I’m on stage, talking about the record, seeing fans,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but this is different,” Jeff added. “I’ve never seen you like this before. I mean I’ve see you on your best days and some of your worst. I’ve seen high and drunk many times, but I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Heeeyyy, I’ve not been drunk or high that many times,” he pointed out.

“Now, you’re avoiding the question,” Jeff smirked.

Harry rolled his eyes, “I’m only telling you this so you’ll shut the fuck up.”

“Fair enough,” Jeff said crossing his arms.

“I met someone,” Harry mumbled.

“What was that?” Jeff asked turning his ear towards Harry.

“I fucking met someone, okay?” Harry groaned. “We’ve gone out once and talked a bit while I’ve been here and I uh... I like her.”

“This someone wouldn’t be Gemma’s friend wouldn’t it? The one who crashed our table at the Brits?” Jeff asked.

Harry rolled his eyes, “One she didn’t crash, she was invited, and two, yes it’s her.”

“I was just joking,” Jeff laughed. “But no, she seems cool and she’s into music, right? That uh, podcast thing?”

“It’s a blog turned website turned magazine with an added podcast,” Harry said. “And she’s like the co-founder/owner of it.”

“Damn,” Jeff said.

“Yep,” Harry smirked. “It’s pretty cool.”

“Oh my god,” Jeff said.

“What?” Harry asked.

“That’s why you’ve been fucking attached to your phone!” He said. “You’ve been listening to her podcast!”

Harry’s cheeks quickly redden, “Oh, fuck off,” he said.

“This is so cute,” he smirked.

“I’m done with this conversation! I’ve got a show to get ready for!” Harry said covering his ears and walking away leaving Jeff shaking his head with a laugh.

“Okay, yeah, I love that,” you nodded to the decor stylist on the set of the photoshoot. “Those colors are gorgeous together.”

You had a busy day ahead and you were already feeling the early call time. You sipped on your coffee as you watched the shoot from afar. You always made sure to show up at the photoshoots to make sure everything got started properly. After you left there, you would head to your office and get a few things finalized before going to record the new podcast episode.

“Hey, Y/N,” Micah, a journalist who would be interviewing the artist after the photoshoot.

“Hey,” you smiled. “Ready for today?”

“I am,” he smiled. “I’m a little nervous, if I’m being honest. This is my first solo interview.”

“We’ve all been there,” you smiled. “You’re going to do great. Just make conversation, be causal, don’t make it seem like it’s just you asking questions and waiting for them to respond.”

“Thank you,” he smiled.

“It’s what I’m here for,” you smiled.

“And over here we have our lovely, wonderful, sexy, gorgeous and fit co-founder and editor, Y/N,” you heard Nikki, your social media person say, before holding a phone at you.

You laughed, “Good morning,” you smiled. “Let me guess, Instagram or snapchat?”

“Both,” she laughed turning the phone off. “You about to head to office?”

“Yeah, I’ve got prints to look over and then Jam an I are recording a new episode today,” you said.

“Oh, great, I’ll pop by and get some behind the scenes footage.” she said.

“Sounds good,” you smiled.

You walked over to your photographer and the shoot manager, “About to head out, call me if you need anything and to keep me update.”

“Will do, boss,” they smirked.

You rolled your eyes with a laugh as you headed out the door. Your office building held not only the offices you and your writers, but there was also a space for the photoshoots and your recording studio, which meant you didn’t have to go very far.

You spent the next couple of hours looking over the prints for the next issue for approval. By the time, you had to head to the recording studio, your eye were already feeling cross and your had a bit of a headache. You popped an advil and snacked on some crisps as you made your way to the studio.

When you arrived, Jam, your best friend and co-founder, and the rest of the podcast crew team, were staring at you.

“What?” You asked. “Am I late?”

“No, right on time, actually,” Jam said.

“Then why are you all staring at me?” you asked.

“Because you have a delivery,” she said. “And it’s from a man!”

You look at her confused until your eyes land on a bouquet of flowers on the table.

“Oh,” you said walking over to them.

You smiled giving them a sniff before taking the card out and reading it.

Hope this will make your day a little brighter. Only two more days until our wish comes true. Miss you, H.

“We’re waiting,” Jam smirked.

“For?” you asked.

“Details!” She groaned.

“Um, I believe we have a show to record,” you smirked.

“You’re killing me, smalls!” She groaned following you into the booth.

Harry was on his way to the airport, he was finally able to head back to London and have some time off before tour started up. Yeah, there were details that needed to be finalized and rehearsals would start soon, but he would be in his own bed spending time with friends and gearing up to be on the road. This also meant he would be getting to spend time with you, which he was really looking forward to.

When he arrived at the airport and boarded the plane, he got an alert on his phone that your newest podcast episode was now available and he couldn’t wait to listen to it. He knew it was stupid, but he was a bit a obsessed with listening to them. Not only was he using it as a way to hear your voice, but to get to know you.

As soon as he was given the green light, he popped in his headphones and started listening.

“Okay, okay, okay, so, before we get into today’s topic,” Jam stated. “We’ve got a little something to talk about first.”

“For fuck’s sake,” you mumbled.

“What?” Jam smirked.

“I know where you’re going with this,” you said.

“Hey! I gave you the opportunity to fill me in off the mic, but you declined,” she said.

“I didn’t exactly say I would do it on the mic either,” you laughed. “Besides, our listeners to do not want to hear about this.”

“Sure they do,” she smirked. “Besides it won’t take very long.”

This was going to be interesting, Harry smirked to himself.

“So, to fill everyone in on what’s going on here, when we arrived at the studio today, there was a delivery, a fancy bouquet of flowers,” she smirked. “Now, here I am thinking it was for the whole team, but nope, it’s for one person in particular and who might that be, our very own, Y/N. Care to explain?”

Oh shit.

“There’s nothing to explain,” you said. “Yes, I received flowers. What else do you want me to say?” you laughed.

“Details! Who are they from? Do you have a secret admirer? Are you moving into the taken territory?. Come on tell us,” she pressed.

Harry could feel his palms sweating as he waited for your response. Surely, you wouldn’t mentioned him because that would cause a lot of unnecessary problems.

“Look, there’s not much to tell,” you answered. “I got flowers from someone, that’s it.”

“So, then you’re not dating someone?” she asked.

“Technically, I’m not,” you said. “It’s only been one date.”

“Must have been a hell of date,” she joked. “No one has ever bought me flowers after one date.”

“Can we move on now?” you laughed.

“For now,” she said. “But we’ll be coming back to this for an update in another episode.”

Harry had just landed at the airport and got into his car before heading home. Luckily, it wasn’t too late, so he texted to you to see if you were home and it was okay for him to come over. By the time, he to out of the shower and started to get dressed you had responded with a yes and that you were making dinner.

He sent you a text that he would be there in less than twenty minutes. Knowing he was about to see you again sent his body into excitement mode. He felt kinda pathetic at how he was acting. It reminded him of what it was like when he liked someone back during his teenage years.

Once he was changed and ready to go, he grabbed a bottle of wine from his cellar and headed to your flat. He parked his car and went over to the front door. He looked for your address and hit the button for you to buzz him in. When he got to your floor, the butterflies in his stomach were on high alert.

He was just outside your door, taking a deep breath, running his hands through his hair before knocking. It only took a moment or two before you answered the door. You were standing there wearing a oversized sweater with leggings. Your hear was pulled on top of your head into ponytail with a few strands framing your face.

Neither of you said anything at first, not sure how to approach this first time seeing each other. If Harry had it his way, he would put his arms on your hips, bring you closer to him and press his lips to yours, but he wasn’t sure if that would be too forward.

“Hi,” he smiled at you instead.

“Hey,” you smiled putting a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I uh, I brought some wine,” he said holding it up. “I figured it was the least I could do, since I’m sort of dropping by on short notice.”

“Oh, thank you,” you smiled.

You both stood there awkwardly. It hadn’t yet occurred to you to invite him in because you were only thinking about one thing.

“Before you come in,” you said. “Are you going to make our wishes come true or-”

He smirked holding the wine bottle by his side as he placed his free hand at your hip.

“I’ll admit, kissing you was the first thing I wanted to do as soon as you opened the door,” he said.

“Then why didn’t you?” You smirked wrapping your arms around his shoulder.

“Don’t really know, actually,” he laughed. “Didn’t want to seem too forward, I guess.”

“Didn’t I tell you? When it comes to you, I like forward,” you smirked.

Smirking back at you, he pulled you closer towards him bringing his lips down towards yours. He hovered over them you could feel his breath against yours, sending a fire through your body. You both smirked as you playfully teased the other with almost kisses before finally allowing both of your lips touch.

The kiss started off tame, just simple pecks with not much movement, but it quickly turned into something more. Letting out a small gasp for breath he took that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss before backing the two of you up so that your back was against the wall in the foyer of your apartment. Your hands found their way into his hair causing a small moan from him.

The two of you were completely lost in each other making it obvious to either of you that your front door was still fully open. At least until you heard a familiar voice from behind you.

“Hypotheical, my ass!” Gemma smirked crossing her arms as she watched the two of you quickly remove yourselves from one another with lipstick both smeared across your faces.

DUN DUN DUN! That was part 3! Again, I’m not sure how many parts this will be, but I don’t expect it to be super long!

#One Direction Imagines #Harry Styles Imagines #Harry styles One Shot

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pop-punklouis · 4 years

Note

Hope, if it was up to you would you like Louis to be with a big label (like Sony or Capitol) or with an indie or maybe even his own independent label? From what I’ve seen opinions vary to these two extremes, like some people think with a big label he can get a lot of oportunities but they also can restrict him with contracts or sabotage him or focus on other clients rather than him and others think that with an indie/independent label he won’t get as many opportunities but at least he can be their main focus and he could have more control. I’d really like to hear your opinion

there’s pros and cons to both imo. major labels do have a bigger pocket for networking, opportunities, and far-reach for publishing and distributing companies, but they also treat artists like a product and commodity which dehumanizes a lot of the experience. whereas indie labels are the opposite, even though i think having a tighter-knit, long-term partnership or smaller contractual relationship for distribution and publishing can have its perks as well. but they do have a better artist-first mentality.

if i were to choose from what we’ve seen and how things have unfolded (taking numbers and charts completely out of it), i’ll always be more prone to choosing indie labels for. anyone. independent labels have what they call boutique deals instead of conglomerate deals. so, they’re always more favorable to the artist. the contracts for these labels are also smaller in definition and tend to give the artist most of the creative control and a larger royalty percentage. it’s much harder for indie labels to fork over advances for artists to create an album, but in Louis case where he’s already an established artist, there’s bigger opportunities and less push the label would have to do financially on their end for those needs. Also, indie labels pick and choose who they want on their roster, so if they want you, then that means they’re a fan of your music and presence first which is most times obsolete in major labels. so, there’s much more dedication and belief in the artist’s vision. And in the age of social media trends and digital platform streaming, an artist can promote themselves on a wider scale through these platforms with less restrictions through an indie label than a global one.

yet, it is difficult because like previously said...... they don’t have an infinite amount of funds for touring, promotion runs, press, and recording sessions. the artist has to remain very financially invested in their career this way. but, i think with Louis’ circumstance, there’s a certain loophole he could strike where he’s apart of a major label but also signed to an indie label. sometimes, artists are able to release “non-albums” through indie labels where the global label isn’t involved. these can be eps, singles, mixtapes, etc. so there’s a big chance he could have the best of both worlds if that were to occur.

#grey

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queenmylovely · 5 years

Text

Just My Luck; Part 13

Summary: John deacon x fem!reader. Snapshots of John and Reader through the greater part of the first year of them being together

Warnings: cussing (what’s new?), fluff city with like one sentence of angst

Word Count: 6k

A/N: Alright, so apparently I don’t know how to write short things so this is the first part of the “epilogue,” which are really snapshots of John and Reader’s life together. This starts where Part 12 left off, no days have passed. Under the second bolded section, all of the events occur within the same month but there are jumps and skips to different days. As always, I hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback through likes, replies, and reblogs! Thank you!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 14 (Epilogue), Masterlist

What the boys wear to the launch party (picture from them in Japan)

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October 5, 1976; Your Birthday

A couple of hours later, you heard the front door unlocking and shot up. The two of you had been lying together dozing and had completely forgotten to get redressed, or the fact that almost all of your clothes were in the living room at the moment.

“Fuck,” you whispered violently.

“What’s happening?” John said groggily; he had been practically asleep on your chest and your sudden movement disoriented him.

Pushing him the rest of the way off of you, you ran over to your door and grabbed the robe you had hanging from the back of it. Hastily, you answered him, “Um, Jeanne’s just gotten back and our clothes are still out there and she hasn’t met you and I wasn’t expecting you, so just stay here for a second, I’ll be right back,” before running into the living room and leaving him confused.

“Oh you look comfy. Did you take a bath-?” Jeanne started as she saw your robe, but cut herself off when she saw the clothes strewn about the room. Dropping her voice quickly she asked, “Is there someone here? Did you sleep with someone? I mean, fuck, what a birthday present for yourself.”

“Jeanne!” you whispered back sharply, hitting her lightly on the shoulder. “You’re going to have to be really cool for the next few minutes. I’m going to take these clothes back into my room, get dressed, and then bring John to meet you.”

At the mention of his name, Jeanne’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. She took a few shaky breaths before squeaking out, “He’s here?”

It had been one thing to give you advice on the abstract idea of John Deacon, bassist for Queen. She mainly pretended that he was just any regular guy, but the thought of meeting him in person was overwhelming.

“Are they all here?” she asked breathlessly, trying to look into your room through your closed door. “Yes, Jeanne. I fucked them all at once. We had a Queen + Y/N orgy,” you said, voice reeking of sarcasm. “Of course not, you ridiculous being, just John’s here. Now, get it together before I come back out.”

You went back into your room, throwing Johnny his clothes and pulling on your own.

“Okay, so Jeanne’s out there. She might be a little nervous but I’m sure it’ll be fine,” you let him know.

“She’s nervous? I’m the one that has to meet the best friend for the first time!” he shot back, blushing and frantically putting his clothes back on.

“Oh, don’t worry, she’ll love you. She loves Queen and she loves me so it’s a logical extension,” you coaxed. You grabbed his hand and gave him a quick peck before saying, “Here we go!” and opening the door.

Jeanne was standing by the couch awkwardly, trying not to look like she had been staring at the door as you came out.

You let go of John’s hand and walked over to grab Jeanne’s. Pulling her back towards John then letting her go you said, “Jeanne, this is John. John this is Jeanne.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, John,” Jeanne practically whispered, barely looking at him as she shook his hand.

“You as well, Jeanne. You can call me Deaky,” he told her with a nice smile.

“When we met you didn’t say to call you Deaky,” you pointed out, pouting slightly.

“When we met you already had a nickname you had been using for years. Johnny has been around a lot longer than Deaky has,” he reminded.

“Oh, then I guess it’s okay,” you said with a mix of embarrassment and pride.

“So, are you going to join us for dinner tonight, Jo- Deaky?” Jeanne asked, trying to make conversation.

“If Y/N’s mother, yourself, and Y/N don’t mind the intrusion, I’d be honored,” John replied, looking between the two of you.

“Of course we don’t mind, I’m sure Y/N’s mom will be so excited to meet you. Then we can all compare notes,” Jeanne said, gaining some of her usual confidence back.

“Wait, what? It’s my birthday, shouldn’t I be allowed to live?” you protested, earning laughs from the other two.

“You’ll be fine, I’m sure. Let me just call the restaurant and tell them we’ll have four instead of three,” Jeanne said, walking into the kitchen to do so. Calling over her shoulder she teased, “Now don’t you kids get up to anything while I’m gone!”

As she walked away, you turned to John, “See? That went well. You can take a deep breath now.”

“That’s not going to be possible until after I meet your mom and it goes well,” John told you with a shaky smile.

“She might not really know who Queen is, but she’ll love you regardless. Because you love me,” you reassured.

It proved true. The three of you met your mom at the restaurant, and you introduced her to John, “Mom, this is John, John this is my mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N.” John said with a nervous smile.

“Please, you can call me April. It’s great to meet you too, John, or can I call you Deaky?” she replied with a knowing look back.

Both your and John’s eyes snapped to Jeanne who just shrugged and said, “We talked for a bit on the phone while you guys were getting ready.”

Leave it to your best friend to gossip about you to your mom.

Once the four of you were seated at the table and had ordered your drinks and food, Jeanne and your mom started with the questions.

“So, Deaky,” your mom started, “I know you’re a great, big rockstar or so these girls tell me, but is that all you do?”

“I bet there’s something great and big about him,” Jeanne remarked under her breath low enough that your mother couldn’t hear but caused you to choke on your water and John to smirk slightly to himself.

Patting your back to ease your coughs, he turned to your mom and answered, “It’s all I’m doing right now, at least. I do have a master’s in engineering, so if Queen were to fail, I could always fall back on that. It seems to be going pretty good at the moment, thankfully.”

“That’s great! When you two were younger, Y/N told me you were going to college, but I always wondered how that turned out. If nothing else, you seem to have two very dedicated Queen fans right here,” she said, gesturing to Jeanne and you. “When Y/N bought Jeanne that record for her birthday, we had to sit in complete silence to listen through it and then ended up listening through it again right after! I thought these girls were going to have their eyes stuck open forever the way they were staring at your pictures on the sleeve.”

Her call-out of your fangirling made both Jeanne’s and your cheeks flush with heat.

“Mom,” you complained as Jeanne groaned.

“Oops, I think I’m embarrassing them,” your mom said in mock-regret while giving John a wink.

He laughed and rubbed your shoulder before saying with a cheeky smile, “It’s always nice to meet fans.”

“Shut up,” you said as you pushed his hand off your shoulder but couldn’t help yourself from returning the smile.

The rest of the dinner went well. You were able to help John dodge the really probing questions from both Jeanne and your mom, and he was able to help you from being teased too much.

After dinner was done, the four of you headed back to your and Jeanne’s apartment for dessert. Your mom had picked up cookies from your favorite local spot and Jeanne had some of your favorite ice cream hidden away in the freezer.

Once the ice cream and cookies were served, you all moved to the living room to eat. You sat on the couch in the middle with your mom and John on either side while Jeanne sat in the armchair to John’s right.

Before you could take your first bite, Jeanne cried out, “Wait!” and rushed to the kitchen. She returned with a lighter and lit the candle that was always on the coffee table. She gestured for you to pick it up and you did with a small roll of your eyes and a smile.

With a wave of her arms, she and the other two started singing “Happy Birthday,” to you, in slightly worse fashion than you had for Jeanne. At the end, you blew out the candle and they all cheered.

“That was, a decent attempt,” you said teasingly, knowing that no one would be offended by the joke.

“Now you can see why I’m not the singer in Queen,” John joked, causing everyone to laugh.

“If you want some actually good singing, I think I can oblige,” Jeanne said, making her way over to the record player. She put on Elton John by Elton John, a collective favorite.

As the first notes of “Your Song,” started playing, you and John looked at each other with soft smiles, remembering the night the two of you had danced to it together, listening to the mixtape he made for you.

“Well, Deaky,” your mom said, punctuating his name and making all heads turn to her. “I’m certainly glad to see that you’re making my girl so happy, especially on her birthday. She hasn’t been quite right since coming back, and now she’s much more like her usual self.”

You gave your mom a quick hug and turned to John again. He met your gaze but looked to your mom. “I’m glad to make her every bit as happy as I can,” he told her.

“You do that just by being around,” you reassured.

From the other side of him, you heard the sound of Jeanne fake-retching.

“You two are gross. How do I get out of this sap-fest?” Jeanne questioned, making the three of you laugh.

“Here, Jeanne, come help me get the presents,” your mom suggested, standing and heading towards Jeanne’s room with a smile. Jeanne got up and followed her.

“That reminds me...” John trailed off, heading into your room.

“I guess I’ll just sit here alone, then,” you called to the empty hallway. You weren’t alone for long though, as all three of them emerged at the same time and came back towards you.

Your mom started, presenting a large, rectangular box to you. You opened it and pulled out what was inside, gasping as you saw it. It was a gorgeous, leather briefcase embossed with leaf and flower designs.

“For when you’re a fancy professor. I know it’s a couple of years early, but when I saw it I couldn’t resist getting it for you,” your mom said.

“Thank you, I love it, it’s beautiful,” you said, hugging her tightly.

“You’re welcome, sweetie. I’m glad you like it,” she replied.

Next, Jeanne handed you her gift. It was a smaller, rectangular box. Lifting the lid, you saw what was inside and grabbed it, smiling.

“It’s from that artist that you love at the street fair, since you missed it this year,” she explained as you held the painting. It was a scene of the street fair itself, one of your favorite events every summer.

“Thank you, this is so amazing,” you exclaimed, also giving her a hug.

“You’re welcome,” Jeanne said, smiling back at you.

You then turned to John as he held his present. A little shyly, he presented it to you with a small smile. You smiled back at him, taking the box from his hands. You opened it and were faced with something you couldn’t recognize. Taking it from the box, you examined it closer and thought you saw something like a radio but with a tape recorder, but you weren’t sure. Looking at John with a little confusion, he chuckled and grabbed it from your hands.

“I know you don’t have anything but your clock radio to take with you anywhere to listen to music, but instead of just getting you a transistor radio, I decided to make something that could play cassettes too,” he explained, turning the hybrid machine so you could see the different parts.

“You built that?” Jeanne asked incredulously.

“Yeah, like I said, I have a master’s in electrical engineering, so it wasn’t that difficult,” John answered.

“You could patent that,” your mom said, eyes wide.

“Eh, it’s not actually that efficient. I’m sure someone else will be able to create something less bulky that more people will like,” he deflected.

The three of you laughed in what was basically disbelief.

Recovering, you wrapped your arms around him in a hug and said, “Thank you so much, Johnny, I love it. I’ll use it to listen to my mixtape all the time.”

“You’re welcome, love,” he whispered back, then releasing you.

The four of you talked, ate ice cream and cookies, and listened to music for the next couple of hours, only stopping when your mom decided she needed to leave before she was too tired to drive home.

Standing up, she gave each of you a hug, surprising John a little, but he took it as a sign that he had made a good impression.

“We’ll all have to have lunch sometime this week before you leave, Deaky,” your mom said with a smile which he returned with a nod.

After cleaning up, the three of you returned to your respective rooms, bidding each other goodnight.

You and John got ready for bed in happy silence, just enjoying being near each other. As you laid down in bed, you turned to face him.

“I think that went pretty well,” he said, brushing your hair from your face then placing his hand on your waist.

“What did I say?” you asked, knowingly, putting your hand on his chest.

“That they would love me,” he replied, smiling sheepishly.

“And…?” you prompted.

“You tell me,” he insisted, bringing his face a little closer to yours.

“They loved you. Just like I do,” you said, capturing his lips with yours in a soft but passionate kiss. After a minute, you pulled away, a little breathless, “Well, maybe not exactly like I do.”

_____

December 9, 1976- January 5, 1977; A Day at the Races Launch Party and the Holidays

Neither of you had found it cost or time effective for you to fly out for your Thanksgiving break, so the next time you saw each other was in early December. Finals had ended on the 7th, and you flew out the day after, arriving in London on the 9th. This was perfect timing, as Queen’s next album came out the next day, and the whole band had wanted you at the launch party.

John picked you up from the airport, as he was wont to do, and brought you back to his and Brian’s apartment. Tired from your flight, you were excited to go straight to bed, but upon opening the door, you were surprised (yet again) by Brian, Roger, and Freddie being there.

“Surprise!” they all yelled at you, running over to give you what ended up being a crushing group hug. They all pulled away, but one by one went back up to you for a more proper hello.

“Y/N! It’s good to see you!” Brian said as he gave you another quick hug.

“You too, Bri. There aren’t enough tall, curly-haired, astrophysicists in Seattle to teach me about space,” you said, hugging him back and then lightly pulling on one of his curls.

“More like bore you to death talking about space dust,” Roger half-whispered to Freddie, causing them both to giggle.

“Roger,” you said a little sternly, causing his head and eyes to snap over to you. He didn’t have the decency to look guilty as he smiled mischievously, sticking his tongue between his teeth.

He made his way over to you with a saunter, “Yes, love?”

“Be nice,” you warned, poking him on the shoulder and not smiling.

He let out a little huff, “I suppose I’ll try, but only for you,” he said with a straight face. That lasted for about a second before the two of you broke and laughed before pulling each other into a tight (but quick because John was giving Roger a look) hug.

As Roger released you and then stepped back, you turned to the last person in the room.

“Freddie!” you said, both of you running to each other at the same time.

“Y/N, it’s absolutely splendid to see you again,” he exclaimed, grabbing your shoulders as the two of you kissed each others cheeks before pulling you into a hug. Before he let go he said, “I’m glad you’re back, Deaky desperately needs a shag.”

You laughed at his words, but still felt your cheeks heat up as he pulled away and John came back up next to you.

All settling down in the living room, you talked and caught up with everyone for about half an hour before your yawns were punctuating every sentence.

“Alright, guys. I think Y/N needs to go to sleep, she’s had a long day of traveling,” John told everyone.

“I suppose that’s true. We’ll see you at the party, though, right darling?” Freddie asked as he and Roger stood up and put on their jackets.

You nodded, “Of course, I can’t wait to hear the album in full and attend one of these famous parties I hear of all the time.”

“More like infamous,” Brian remarked, which made everyone laugh.

Everyone said goodnight, and John grabbed your bag before leading you back to his room. Too tired to do anything but sleep, you crashed as soon as you were cuddled up in John’s arms.

The two of you spent the next morning enjoying each other’s company and reacquainting yourselves with each other’s bodies.

A couple of hours before the event, you started getting ready: showering, styling your hair, and putting on your makeup in preparation.

Finally, you put on your dress. It was a dark purple, a-line dress that came down to your mid-thigh and had spaghetti straps with a sweetheart neckline. Embroidered around the edges and bodice was black lace.

John got ready at the same time, donning a white suit with a white-dotted black shirt underneath. You helped him adjust his clothes, running your hands over his shoulders and chest to smooth out the jacket while his rested on your waist, and maybe undoing a button or two so his chest was more exposed. You gave him a quick kiss, careful not to get any lipstick on his face.

The two of you headed into the living room, where Brian was waiting. He gave you guys a once over and smiled while you did the same. He was wearing a black, double breasted, pinstripe suit with a simple white t-shirt underneath and a few of his necklaces.

“Y/N, you look great!” Brian said happily.

“Thanks, Bri, so do you. I like this suit,” you replied, tugging on his sleeve.

“Oh, thanks. Yeah, Rog helped me pick it out,” he explained with a smile. “Well, the car’s outside to take us, shall we go?”

You and John nodded, stepping to the door with Brian to where there was a pile of shoes, and extracting the ones you would be wearing tonight. You had decided to go with a pair of pink and black saddle shoes so your feet would be comfortable through the long night and dancing. Brian was wearing his trademark white clogs. John pulled on a pair of tan, suede, platform boots that made him tower over you, not that you minded.

The three of you headed out. The car ride was filled with chatter and laughter as Brian asked you more about schooling in America and you asked them about the album. Brian was ready to tell all, but John stopped him, saying, as always, that “it would ruin the surprise.”

The three of you arrived, the boys exiting the car first and John helping you out. You walked up to the building which was a very large skyscraper and into the lobby. After being greeted and ushered towards the elevator, you stepped in and the attendant pressed the top button, taking you all the way to the penthouse that took up the highest floor.

Stepping out of the elevator, you were hit by the sounds of an already raging party. You walked through the doors and the party came into full view.

It would have been impossible to see if not for the disco ball, strobe lights, and multi-colored beams flashing around the room. As it was, you could only make out people’s faces when the light was on them. Music was blasting from the speakers all around the room, and though you didn’t recognize it, you could tell it wasn’t Queen. And the people. There were what seemed like hundreds of people, all in various levels of dress. Some were wearing bell bottoms and tie-dye shirts, some cocktail dresses and suit jackets, and some ball gowns and tuxedos.

There were servers in either all black or all white, carrying around champagne and hors d'oeuvre, respectively. When one of the ones in black swooped by, Brian grabbed three flutes of champagne and handed one to each of you.

“Let’s go find the other boys. We have to do that announcement and stuff,” John suggested and the two of you nodded.

“Wait,” you said, stepping between the two of them and then linking your arms through theirs. Smiling, you explained, “This way we won’t lose each other.”

The three of you laughed and took off. After a few minutes of searching, you found them by the bar, having some tequila shots.

“Y/N, Deaky, Bri! You all look absolutely fantastic!” yelled Freddie with a big grin.

“Beautiful as always, love,” Roger said, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek. Before John could say anything though, Roger stepped over, planting a kiss on his cheek as well, saying “Deaky, looking handsome. You too, Bri,” also giving him a kiss, obviously already affected by the alcohol.

The boys looked a little confused, reaching their hands to their cheeks where his lips had been, but you just laughed and replied, “Thanks, Rog, the two of you are looking very lovely.”

Freddie and Roger looked down at their outfits, smiling. Freddie was wearing a yellow and black striped jacket, an embroidered black shirt, black pants, and a long necklace with an interesting pendant. Roger was wearing an all leather ensemble; a belted leather jacket and leather pants with a slouchy brimmed hat.

The boys went off to the small stage that was set up for the announcement. The studio executive lauded the boys and their hard work and the crowd cheered as you watched from the side of the stage. They performed a shorter version of “Somebody to Love,” which you thought was an incredible song. After that, the album was played over the speakers and the band rejoined you.

You could only hear snippets of the music over the noise of the people, and soon everyone but John was pulled away from you for some reason or another. The two of you talked, ate, and drank, enjoying each other’s company and the atmosphere.

After a while, they started playing dance music again and the party picked back up. You and John started dancing, moving to the rhythm of the music and making it your own. Over the course of the night, you danced with all of the boys multiple times. Brian was respectful but still fun, twirling you around with ease. Freddie and you held both hands, running and spinning with the music, singing at each other all the while. Roger was careful not to get too close, but managed to get in a few dips.

Hours later, when the two of you stumbled your way back to the apartment (mainly due to being tired, you were both only a couple drinks in), you flopped down on the couch as soon as you got in. You were just dozing off when you shot up, spreading your arms to either side and narrowly missing hitting John in the face.

“Wait!” you exclaimed. “We can’t fall asleep yet!”

“Shhh, why’s that?” John mumbled sleepily.

“I haven’t actually heard the album. It was way too loud at that party for me to hear it for real,” you explained.

“Hmm, I suppose that’s true. Good thing I planned ahead,” he replied, standing up and walking over to the record player. He pulled out the first album in the collection, a black one with a very similar, if only more detailed, logo as A Night at the Opera, and began setting it up to play.

“Are you telling me that the album has been right there this entire time?” you asked incredulously.

“I can’t help that you’re not observant enough to notice,” he said with a shrug, making his way back over to you on the couch.

You smacked him lightly on the arm and then said, “Shut up, I’m trying to listen.”

He stayed quiet and leaned back on the couch with you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. He knew from your mom that you liked to listen to albums in full without interruptions.

You listened intently, relaxing into John’s arm and side, nodding your head and tapping your foot along with the music. As “You and I,” came on, John tapped you on the shoulder, gesturing that it was the song he wrote. You paid extra close attention to that one.

When the album was finished playing, you looked up at him with awe.

“I don’t know how you guys do that,” you told him.

“So you liked it?” he asked.

“I loved it, it was incredible. All of it. I especially loved your song. What’s it called?” you questioned.

“‘You and I,’” he replied quietly. “I wrote it for us.”

You looked up at him with shining eyes. Listening to the song, you had thought it might be about the two of you, but didn’t want to assume anything. “It’s beautiful. I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said earnestly, closing the distance between your faces and giving you a soft and gentle kiss, full of love.

_____

Two weeks later, you and John were on your way to his parents’ house in Leicester and you were slightly freaking out.

“Johnny, what are we doing? Why do I have to meet them so soon?” you questioned.

“Because I want to spend the holiday with you and my family. Also, I’ll remind you that I’ve already met your mum,” he reasoned.

“That’s different! My mom is unimposing and- and- you were the one that showed up, anyway. I didn’t do that to you, you did! Plus, I’m not some rockstar that my mom is going to think you’re taking advantage of for fame or fortune or whatever!” you said, spiralling out of control.

John looked at you with adoring bemusement, “Y/N, you’re forgetting that my parents have known of you for years, long before Queen. They’re the same Arthur and Lillian that I used to write and complain to you about. Just take a deep breath,” he reassured, holding your hand in his and giving it a squeeze.

You did as he said, breathing in deeply through your nose before sighing out through your mouth.

“Better?” he asked.

“Better, thank you. I just really want them to like me,” you admitted.

“They’ll love you,” he said, repeating the sentiment as you had to him.

The rest of the drive, John distracted you from the prospect of meeting his parents with funny stories about the boys.

Pulling into the drive of the house, John parked and turned the car off. Getting out both of you opened the doors of the car behind your seats and grabbed what was there. John carried the presents you two had brought for his parents and you carried the apple pie you had made. He had encouraged you to make something American for his parents to try.

You walked up to the front door together and just as John raised his hand up to knock it swung open.

“John!” his parents exclaimed in unison, bringing him into a big hug. They pulled away and then looked at you behind him.

Standing to the side, John gestured to you with his arm, “Mum, Dad, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my mum and dad.”

His mom stepped to you and hugged you. You reciprocated with the arm that wasn’t holding the pie as she said, “You can call me ‘Lillian.’”

Her husband stepped up after her and gave you a hug too saying, “And I’m Arthur.”

“It’s so nice to meet both of you. Thank you for inviting me to your Christmas,” you said, smiling nervously.

“Of course, we couldn’t believe it when John told us that he’d finally met his childhood pen pal. And once the two of you actually began dating, we couldn’t wait to meet you!” Lillian told you as she was ushering you inside.

After taking off your coat and boots, Lillian brought you to the kitchen while Arthur and John took the presents to the living room to put under the tree. You put the pie on the counter where Lillian suggested.

“So, what type of pie is this?” she asked curiously.

“It’s apple pie. Kind of an American staple. Johnny said you were interested in trying something American,” you replied.

“Yes, I think it’s so exciting how similar but different the two cultures are! I hope you’ll take this as a compliment, but I think your accent is absolutely adorable,” she told you.

“Oh, thank you! To be honest, when I first met Johnny, I laughed when I heard his voice. For some reason, even though I knew he was English from the letters, it never occured to me that he would have an English accent,” you recounted, causing both of you to laugh.

John stuck his head in the kitchen, smiling at the laughter, and told you, “Dad and I are going to grab the bags from the car,” to which you smiled in response before he ducked back out.

“Then I will take you on a tour of the house,” Lillian informed you, leading you to the stairs by the door.

As you got to the top, she opened the first door to the right which was the guest room. It was decorated in soft pastels and you could imagine it had been John’s nursery when he was a baby and young boy that had been adjusted for an adult guest. Next, she showed the guest bathroom, decorated to match the bedroom. She briefly showed you the master suite which was furnished in shades of purple and grey that you complimented, then took you back downstairs.

Past the stairs, there was a hallway that contained one more bedroom and separate bathroom.

“This is John’s childhood bedroom, where you two will be staying. We added the queen bed after he left for university, but otherwise it’s just the same as it was, maybe a little tidier,” she joked and you laughed.

The room was painted light grey with one forest green accent wall. There were band posters on the walls from The Supremes and Stevie Wonder to The Beatles, Janis Joplin, and Jimi Hendrix. There was little to no musical equipment; you assumed he had it all at Brian and his apartment. The desk that was facing a window was cluttered with papers and books. It looked like someone had just left for the day. Before you could take a closer look, Lillian whisked you away to show you the living room.

The room just out of the entrance way from the front door, but you hadn’t seen it yet due to being pulled away to other rooms. It was a large, open space with a large couch, loveseat, and two armchairs. They were arranged so that they faced both the fireplace in the middle of the largest wall and the little tv next to it. On the wall that faced outside, there was a large window with little groups of four square iron frames on all corners and between them and a large square pane in the middle. Set up so it was easily visible from the outside but viewable from all sides indoors was the Christmas tree. It was decorated with beautiful matching gold, red, and white ornaments with silver and gold tinsel. Wrapped all around were christmas lights that blinked slowly from red to warm white. There was a beautiful antique star on top that lit up with little lights.

You gazed at the tree and around the living room, a smile growing on your face until you met Lillian’s eyes. “Your home is so beautiful. And this tree, this tree is absolutely gorgeous!”

“Thank you, Y/N, Arthur and I have spent many years getting this house to be exactly how we want it, and we are always glad to hear that people appreciate that. Isn’t the tree lovely? We cut it down and decorated it just last week,” she replied fondly.

“It looks fantastic, Mum. But where are the family’s ornaments?” John said, coming up from behind the two of you and standing next to you before wrapping his arm around your waist.

You looked up at him with a question, wondering what he meant, but before you could ask, his mother replied.

“I was actually saving those for when the two of you got here. I thought we could put on a holiday record and finish decorating the tree all together. Your father thought he could make his hot buttered rum and the neighbors dropped off some cookies earlier this afternoon for us to have. We’ll make a night of it!” Lillian said cheerfully.

John and you smiled back at her and you said, “That sounds wonderful!”

“We’ll go get the food and drinks ready, you two get comfortable,” she insisted before heading to the kitchen where her husband assumedly already was.

John pulled you over to the loveseat and the two of you sat down. He slung his arm over your shoulders and you grabbed his other hand in your own.

He looked down at you softly and you smiled in response. “Thank you for inviting me to your Christmas. And thank you for being an incredible boyfriend,” you told him earnestly.

“Well I wasn’t going to make you sit at Brian and my empty apartment all alone. Anyway, I think I’m supposed to be the one thanking you for being an amazing girlfriend. You’ve already made an impression on my parents,” he replied sweetly.

“Really?” you asked. You were still a little nervous about everything.

“Really. My mum loves you, just like I said,” John assured.

“Well, that’s a good thing, because I love her son more than I could say, and I’m gonna be around for a long time,” you told him with a smile.

“Good, I love you too,” he said, leaning in and pecking your lips. He stayed close as he pulled away and whispered, “Happy Christmas.”

You giggled at his words but nonetheless whispered back, “Merry Christmas,” before closing the distance and kissing him again.

_____

New Year’s was spent with all four boys and their dates. It was a casual affair, but that didn’t mean everyone didn’t still get shit-faced. Luckily, you had made Roger and Freddie schedule a taxi for four a.m. so they could get home safely.

Just a couple of days after the first, you had to head back to the States because you needed to get back in time to prepare for the next semester of courses. Saying goodbye was worse than usual, because even though this was the longest you had spent together, it didn’t seem long enough.

With tears streaming down both of your faces, you gave John one last kiss before wiping both of your faces and walking to board the plane. You would just have to live with the fact that the next time you would see him was three months away.

🍀🍀🍀

Reminder that my requests are open! If you would like something in a sort of one shot format/length or blurb, etc. send it in! I’ll write for any of the Borhap or Queen boys (Freddie only platonically), Lucy, Patrick Murray, Gardner Langway and adult!Tim Murphy or possibly any of the other characters these people have played if I know enough about them!

Taglist: @eylulclsr @roger1na @deakyfordays @painkiller80 @sunflower-borhap-boys @awkwardangelshezza @obsessedwithrogertaylor @bensrhapsody @tardisgrump @ahsoknarwhal @fatheadtheroger @happy-at-home @achallsplants @newspapergatory @marvellouspengwing @randompotato1234 @windmeupandletmeplay @ixchel-9275 @s3venseasof-bri @1001-yellow-daffodils @imgonnabeyourslave @caffeine-girl @bestbuds55 @ceruleanrainblues @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @lilyatiya @yellowandscarlet @briarrose26 @riseetothesun @queendeakyy

If you would like to be added to a taglist, just send me a message or ask!

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jeremywolf17-blog · 4 years

Link

In this entry, we will be examining the critical question of American Exceptionalism and what it means, the central narrative seen and what values it supports and ignores. Further discussion about how it is productive for society while showing its limitations. To investigate these questions I have chosen an artifact by the Artist Macklemore in his song titled “American”. The song shows the narrative on what it’s like to be an “American” from drinking booze, watching football, and killing terrorists. He makes the persona that this is what a typical American looks like, promoting American exceptionalism. He creates controversy in whether or not these qualities make up the “perfect” American, and if everyone should look at this country the way he does.

The song “American” was written in 2009 by the artist Macklemore where he considers himself an underground rapper. Macklemore is well known for making comedic and somewhat controversial songs, where it makes his fans crave more content. For this song in particular, Macklemore is trying to catch the concept of what being an American is, and how it’s the best country known to man. The beliefs that are mentioned throughout the song is coming from Macklemore's perspective and how he views American exceptionalism, even though some of the points can be considered as inaccurate.

After reading an article by Palczewski, he goes into detail on how a narrative can be the “representations of an event, and how language is used to describe them by being informed by ideology and culture” (Palczewski, 2012). In this case we are looking at American culture, and how through the song it can be considered the best country in the world because of some of the things mentioned. Such as beer, Dallas Cowboys, the NRA, killing terrorists, McDonalds, guns, and explosions. These are all examples that Macklemore mentions in his song that will indicate what it’s like to be an American, and how the U.S is the best country. As most of us know this may or may not be the best examples to represent this country as a whole. Americans are more than just people that drink beer and eat McDonalds everyday with their guns slung over their shoulders.

Looking further into Macklemore's lyrics that he uses, you can tell that he loves his country through thick and thin, but does he give examples that misrepresent America? He uses lyrics that say “America, the chosen, Guns, explosions, McDonald's, bowling, You don't like it, we exploit ya” (Macklemore, 2009). Macklemore is promoting the values that Americans are the best type of prideful citizens. Which there is nothing wrong with being proud of your country and loving it, but is there a better way to describe it? Guns and explosions aren’t the only quality traits that should make up a country, but that’s how Macklemore sells his narrative. That Americans are the best because of simple things like McDonalds and guns and how people are happy that way.

There’s also the other side to his song that can be seen as ethically unproductive for society and can be seen as degrading or even racist. These are also some of his lyrics that are sung throughout his song, “Mexicans? Send 'em back over the border, Right on home to Samoa, wherever they come from, Taking our jobs, eating out hamburgers, taking our jobs, They're taking our jobs, I see 'em in the fields I'm taking their head off” (Macklemore, 2009). Having this in his song puts a stereotype on the Hispanic culture of Mexicans coming here illegally and taking Americans jobs away from them. He mentioned that if he saw them working the fields he would “take their heads off” meaning physically hurting these people. He also mentions in his song about how he doesn’t like terrorists, and how they all eat sand. He is referring to Iranian people and how they are terrorists. Palczewski’s take on narrative would suggest that an event must of occured to be able to show narrative. After 911, the media blew up the different characteristics of what a terrorist looks like, and started stereotyping certain groups of people. Even years after 911 people still fear certain groups of people by what they look like, because the media framed our reality that way. This is why Macklemore put that in his song, because of an event that occured a couple years before this song was released. This is not promoting the American exceptionalist narrative, the country shouldn’t be known for hurting people and degrading a certain culture because of a stereotype that was placed upon them.

Macklemore's song focuses on things in society being productive but also shows the side of being unproductive. The majority of the song focuses on concepts of being unproductive for society that doesn’t really need to be mentioned, since he was going for the narrative of American exceptionalism. He doesn’t do a good job of representing what America is all about as he degrades certain groups of people and individual people at the same time. American exceptionalism is all about loving your country and pointing out what makes the country so exceptional, and he doesn’t do a good job of doing so. His examples aren’t what represent the country, but he is using his own narrative to describe what he thinks it is to him.

An article that helps further explain the narrative explained is titled “Contemporary Conservative Constructions of American Exceptionalism” written by Jason Edwards. The article goes into detail about conservative ideals, and what they believe from events or personal experiences that makes America exceptional. The article was written in 2011 where Obama was still in office, and the article goes into detail on looking in on the conservative side of American exceptionalism, as Obama explained in one of his speeches on how if every country is exceptional, then there’s no real country that is exceptional. Edwards further explains the narrative that Palczewski points out by saying, “exceptionalism functions to give Americans order to their vision of the world and defining their place within it. Ultimately, the rhetoric of American exceptionalism produces a set of related ideas which explain the world and the U.S. role therein” (Edwards, 2011). Meaning that the exceptional narrative is based on the citizens and how they view it. This helps further Palczewski’s narrative by saying the ideologies of the people and their beliefs that they are told, forms the way they see America. Such as Macklemore and his views on the world and how America is exceptional to him, the guns, beer, terrorists and more.

In summary, American exceptionalism can be represented in many ways that is unique to an individual. After diving deeper into Macklemore's song “American” you can clearly see the way he thinks America is exceptional with some of explicit lyrical lines that he uses. There are some productive cues in his song that would make any American proud, but there is also a very large side to his song that is unproductive for society. The negatives outweigh the positives in the song, but as learned by Edwards and Palczewski, these types of ideologies are influenced by events and personal experiences and anyone can take on the role of what makes their country exceptional to them.

References

Edwards, J. A. (2011). Contemporary Conservative Constructions of American Exceptionalism.

Journal of Contemporary Rhetoric, 1(2), 40–54

Macklemore. (2009) American. The Unplanned Mixtape. (Record). Washington city: Bendo.

Palczewski, C.H. (2012). Narrative. Forms of Symbolic Action.

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intoxicatingimmediacy · 5 years

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Big Ups: Clipping Pick Their Bandcamp Favorites

“Right from the beginning, we always wanted to make a horror-themed record,” says Jonathan Snipes, a producer in the Los Angeles-based progressive noise-rap trio Clipping, alongside MC Daveed Diggs and fellow beatsmith Bill Hutson. The group’s third project for Sub Pop, There Existed an Addiction to Blood, updates the cult horrorcore hip-hop trend of the mid ‘90s in a thrilling and forward-thinking fashion. It’s a striking and deeply atmospheric record, powered by synth-based sonic experimentalism and grisly concept-focused writing that exudes a sinister and shadowy feel.

There Existed an Addiction to Blood adds to a stellar canon of work that kicked off with Clipping’s introductory midcity mixtape in 2013. “That one was really us learning how to be Clipping, and what we sounded like,” says Hutson, who helped mastermind the project’s metallic, glitch-afflicted beats. On the following year’s debut album, CLPPNG, the crew moved further towards what Hutson calls “dark and noise-tinged instrumentals.” The omission of the letter I in the album title represents the way Diggs avoids rhyming in the first person. Hutson maintains that if much of hip-hop involves MCs rapping about their own lives, Clipping’s music strives to be “a novel, not a memoir.” Case in point: 2016’s Splendor & Misery took shape as an Afrofuturist sci-fi adventure that explored an artificial intelligence world; 2017’s single “The Deep” inspired the author Rivers Solomon to expand the song’s environment into a novella of the same name.

Basing There Existed an Addiction to Blood around horrorcore and gory movies is a natural representation of Clipping’s influences and the way the trio approach writing songs. “Horrorcore is this forgotten and maligned subgenre of hip-hop that we’ve always had a tremendous amount of affection for,” says Hutson. “So much of Clipping is about referencing styles of hip-hop—almost all our songs were conceived as our take on a certain type of rap song—so this horror album was always going to happen.” Snipes adds, “We think of each of these songs as self-contained movie scores of vignettes in a specific genre.”

The original horrorcore movement that inspired Clipping’s latest album was spearheaded by RZA and Prince Paul’s Gravediggaz project, plus artists including Houston’s Ganksta N-I-P, Detroit’s Esham, and New York City’s Flatlinerz. ‘90s horrorcore lyrics were packed with macabre imagery and references to psychological disorders, satanism, and cannibalism; the gruesome verses were often relayed over willfully dank and grimey production. Clipping’s resurrection of the subgenre taps into the same lyrical themes—but this time Digg’s intense verses are backed by marauding waves of monstrous synths, sharp abrasive stabs of discordant noise, and snatches of field recordings that bring a chilling realism to There Existed an Addiction to Blood.

Key song “Run For Your Life” plays out like a frantic short movie. It co-stars Memphis MC La Chat, who used to roll with Three 6 Mafia and the Hypnotize Minds roster back in the ‘90s. “She’s hunting down Daveed and approaching and moving behind him in a car,” says Snipes. “Then in the third verse, we’re fully in the car with her.” To drum up the effect of the protagonist being chased to a bloody demise, Digg’s lyrics are surrounded by constantly shifting ambient noise: The sound of passing cars blasting music and dogs barking literally pulls the listener into the chilling scenario.

The same blend of adventurous production techniques and concept-heavy writing present on Clipping’s latest album also runs through Hutson and Snipes’s Bandcamp recommendations. Blasts of abstract hip-hop lyricism mix with innovative thematic albums and avant-garde film scores, adding up to a smart representation of Clipping’s advanced-level musical DNA.

Bill Hutson

Dax Pierson - Live In Oakland

I first saw Dax Pierson play around 2003, when he was in a group called Subtle that was an Anticon side project with Dose One and Jel. Dax was also the secret weapon of the Themselves project, which was also Dose and Jel, and on tour he’d play keys and finger drum on MPCs. Dax is this compelling, creative performer and composer. This tape came out on Ratskin and it’s from a more recent show—I might have even been at the show! His music is fascinating, almost uncategorizable left-field dance stuff that’s blending all these ideas.

John Wall - Hylic

I was really enamored of improvised music in the early ‘00s, and it’s a lot of what fueled my ravenous collector habit, which came from having to track down these obscure records that came from Japan and Germany and Switzerland and England, where they were only pressing a couple of hundred copies. John Wall is very careful as a computer music composer, and he’d spend years and years cutting up tiny pieces of improvised sounds and turning them into these totally austere and totally alien compositions. I was fascinated by the disparity between how much intention there was behind it and how alien the result sounds. Hylic almost sounds like there’s no human brain making logical choices that would compose this music—it feels like it’s naturally occurring in some way, like you’re listening to the background radiation of the solar system—but there’s also the most extreme version of authorship going into it.

billy woods - Hiding Places

I think billy woods is a fantastic example of this very abstract and angular and strange rapper but with these really strong connections to the history of New York rap. It’s almost like he’s from a different timeline where southern hip-hop didn’t take over the mainstream in the ‘00s and we kept going with Nas and Wu-Tang, and it’s developed into this new form. [Producer] Kenny Segal is a buddy—we’ve toured with him—and he would have been a youngster in the Project Blowed days but came out of the experimental L.A. hip-hop scene that produced Abstract Rude and Freestyle Fellowship and, later with the beatmakers, birthed the whole Low End Theory and Brainfeeder movement. This album is a New York and L.A. collab record that seems to perfectly synthesize two different types of left of center aesthetics, but feels completely natural in a way we wouldn’t have expected maybe 20 years ago.

Kevin Drumm - 09082001 gtr/synth ‘solo’

I included this not because anyone needs me to tell them Kevin Drumm is a fuckin’ noise hero, but I wanted to include Drumm because I think what he’s doing is a really unique thing that Bandcamp can provide: A couple of months ago I bought Drumm’s entire discography for like $22, which was like a hundred or so releases! He puts out so much, and it’s all of such high quality. This specific recording is from my favorite period of his work in the early-2000s, but it wasn’t available [back then] until he started bypassing labels and physical copies and started putting everything up himself direct to the fans.

DEBBY FRIDAY - DEATH DRIVE

[The label] Deathbomb Arc put out some of the first Clipping stuff. I think of [founder] Brian Miller as A&Ring my listening habits because he’s out there finding new artists I wouldn’t come across and putting out their records. DEBBY FRIDAY completely blew me away—this release seems both out of nowhere and so fully formed. It’s just brilliant and sort of industrial hip-hop. It’s really like the best Skinny Puppy album we never got but with way better lyrics and content and performance. It’s so smart and dark—she’s a really great lyricist.

Jonathan Snipes

Missincinatti - remove not the ancient landmarks

Missincinatti was Jeremy Drake, Jessica Catron, and Corey Fogel, and they had this band for a short time in L.A. where they played these contemporary arrangements of sea shanties. They’re all incredible musicians, and their arrangements were always so off-kilter and smart. This album is only on Bandcamp, and it’s like a little monument to this band that I loved so much for a short time. One of my favorite things is arrangements of folk music that almost feel like critical theory about folk music and this project feels like it’s in this realm. I wish they were still around playing shows so I could go to them.

François-Eudes Chanfrault - Inside

I discovered François-Eudes Chanfrault when I saw the movie for which this is the score. Then, when I started looking into François’s music, I realized that I’d run across him in online nerdy computer music circles. He became one of my favorite composers, and I became obsessed with tracking his music down. The development of the Inside score is really slow and tasteful, and that’s hard to accomplish when working with film. I also score movies, and film music always feels like if the music’s following a picture. It wants to be fast and have abrupt changes—but François is someone who is somehow able to make these really long elegant cues that actually play against the action of the film in this really striking way. It’s probably the last score I’d expect anybody to write for that movie, and it hits exactly the right tone. His use of electronics and computers and his use of a chamber ensemble are perfectly matched.

Lauren Bousfield - Fire Songs

Lauren’s a really good friend, and this album’s only available on Bandcamp. She’s an incredible musician—an absolute genius. This is the album she released shortly after her house burned down and she lost all her possessions in the fire. It feels very personal. It’s easy to think of electronic and breakcore as just splattered breakbeats that feel mechanical and machine-based. But this one, with the context [of the backstory], feels very emotional, and almost makes me tear up when I hear it.

Bryce Miller - W A S P

Bryce Miller is someone I found through some Bandcamp journalism, which I read regularly. This album, which is based on the Stieg Larsson Millennium books, is elegant and precise. There’s a lot of this retro ’80s synthwave stuff flying around—I’ve made a fair bit of it myself—but somehow this really nailed the tone of feeling very contemporary, but also very ancient. It’s like what I wanted synth records in the ’80s to sound like at the time, but they never quite did. The sense of melody and structure and tension and release is really spot on. Bryce feels like a real composer in that realm.

Max Tundra - With Love To Mummy

I first heard Max Tundra on the double disc compilation Tigerbeat6 Inc. from like 2001. I was really into Aphex Twin and Squarepusher and Kid606 and Matmos, and I was trying to figure out who was doing weird electronic music and that comp came out and it ended up being a huge window into bands I’d never heard of. Max Tundra’s track [“The Bill”] sounded like a general MIDI soundtrack to a spy show that he’d recorded into his answering machine! I’ve been a lifelong fan of his since then, and this collection is, like, his teenage recordings—it’s really interesting to hear his old music. It’s charming and fun to listen to as a fan, and to note where his music took him after that. I suppose other people feel the same way about that Radiohead release.

#clipping.#clipping #bill hutson #jonathan snipes #daveed diggs

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generallyclumsy · 5 years

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I just realized you also do BMC ships- so if I could ask for one or the other or both- plzzzzz and you already know abt me. Straight. Brown hair. Hazel eyes. BPD. Anxiety. I love Thomas Sanders. Black stuff👌 I like reading- I’m 5’4. Purple ombré hair(i don’t know if I said that last time) I also don’t know if I mentioned I like bands like MCR and Evanescence and P!ATD and Imagine dragons and blah blah blah. Yeah if you could do that for me that’d be great!❤️

I’m just gon use the original cast because I’ve been a bad fan and haven’t be following the new one.

I ship you with Michael, maybe. This was difficult I’m sorry.

For starters, introducing each other to music! Like you make him a whole playlist of songs that remind you of him and he knows like none of them, because it’s not really his scene but he listens to all of them. OR, alternatively, he makes you a playlist (or a mixtape because I like to believe that’s the kinda retro shit Michael would pull) and you don’t really know any of the songs.

Realistically, the height difference isn’t insane, but it’s enough; Resting his head on yours, even if he has to stand in his tiptoes, you know, gross tall person stuff.

(I think I said that In the last one I’m sorry)

He knows like exactly how to be there for you, no matter what’s going on. I don’t wanna go into too much Um, detail, because I don’t know what your anxiety and BPD looks like but know that he’s there and he loves you.

Michael would also LOVE Thomas, like you didn’t have to introduce him, he’s just been a subscriber for as long as he can remember.

Watching YouTube together all tangled up on a bean bag, or a sofa in Michaels basement.

He’s a stoner right (we aren’t assuming that because he’s a loner okay, let’s get stoned in my basement) and I like to think you just get stoned texts like “lmao my ceilings gone”

How do high people think? I’m so sorry.

Third wheeling with him and Jeremy

He invites you over to play some, haha, sick video games with them and like, you just sit there like “??”

Maybe you just like pull out a book while they’re doing their nerd thing and Michael looks up and sees you’re not interested and he’s like “Mario Kart? I have a third controller?” Because he wants you to feel included.

Some days, when he can afford it, he gets you a slushee too! (slushees are what like a dollar?)

A little random and not very important but he probably thinks your hair is cool as heck.

C. U. D. D. L. E. S.

Oh my god sometimes when I’m writing these it occurs to me that I’m so lonely oh my god.

But like, just snuggling up, being adorable.

Holding each other when life gets a little much. He wears really nice smelling cologne. And like sometimes you just *cling* like a hecking lizard and he loves it.

Idk/ remember if you’re a cuddly person so if you’re not...

Laying on the floor next to each other and talking for hours

Driving somewhere and just like listening to music in the dark (maybe with your hand out a window or something).

It’s going to take me nine years to proof this I’m done.

But oh my god I stan this ship.

Requests Open!

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

CHARLI XCX & CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS - GONE

[7.79]

We do NOT fucking hate these people...

Elisabeth Sanders: I have no idea if this song is good or bad, all I know is that I am a homosexual. [10]

Alfred Soto: She triumphed at Pitchfork Festival against every one of my expectations: a diva who pirouetted, thrusted, and sashayed like a star with no interest in behind-the-scenes song doctoring. She played "Gone" in vivider incarnation; she sung "I fucking hate these people" as a shared joke between her and the festival's largest queer audience. The boom boom clap of the percussion keeps out of the way, but I wish it presented an obstacle over which she could hurdle. [7]

Nellie Gayle: Social anxiety does not exactly read as a the prefect pretense for a banger pop song, but then again, Charli XCX has a certain gift for emotional subterfuge. 'Gone' is a collaboration between Charli and a more subdued pop star friend, Christine & the Queens. The two wrestle between seething anger at fake social niceties and and a deeper issue - the desire to be loved and seen, even if by a group of people you couldn't care less about. It's comforting to know that even a seasoned partygirl like Charli XCX can feel the same debilitating and restrictive sense of social "unbelonging" - a scene she depicts fairly literally in the accompanying music video which features her in bondage. The jump between this wallflower characteristic and the club-ready beat feels like a perfect metaphor for Charli's career and persona itself. As pop music evolves and begins to cater to an even more confessional and vulnerable audience of millennials, it makes sense its most forward thinking vanguards would keep the pace by divulging their deepest longing while also maintaining a danceable beat. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: Sharp, rubbery bass backflips, pirouettes and twists as soapy, seething synths and steel tipped drums shimmy across the shoulders as Christine and Charli spin through as they become intertwined as one. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: What's that? Charli XCX writing a song about loneliness and social anxiety -- but somehow making it work as a duet? More like Charli doing this again, except this time instead of ruminating about the cosmos, commiserating about lost love, or contemplating redemption, she and Chris are plotting their escape. They spend the entire track pouring gasoline on their worries and stresses, until 3:04, when they finally erupt into flames. And then they're literally gone, leaving behind only the glitched screaming ghosts of their pop consciousness, any chance at salvation vanishing with them. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Charli XCX's trajectory since the release of Pop 2 has been confusing. Over the past year and a half, she's released 15-or-so singles/features, running the gamut from remixes of experimental rappers to big shiny club collabs with Diplo, Lizzo, and Troye Sivan. It's largely been good material (save for that Diplo Spice Girls remix), but the songs have kind of felt like diversions from the goals set out by Pop 2's post-PC MUSIC synthesis of pop artifice into sincere emotion. This is entirely her right-- if Charli just remade Pop 2 until she retired, it wouldn't have the same deconstructive power it had when it first came out. Yet even the best of her singles from last year (songs like "5 in the Morning" and her remix of Tommy Genesis' "100 Bad") felt somewhat unambitious-- playgrounds in the wreckage of pop, rather than attempts to build a new level upon it. "Gone," then, is that new level. It's the best of all possible worlds: the shiny synths and hard-hitting rhythms of "Nuclear Seasons"-era Charli, the glitchy breakdowns of her PC Music collabs, and the open, collaborative feeling of her wilderness year. "Gone" encapsulates Charli's appeal in a compact 4 minute salvo, taking a conventional core lyrical concept-- dancing the social anxiety away-- and twisting it to her will. Chris makes for perhaps the best partner Charli's had on her pop mission: her voice is clearer and more sincere, the perfect tool to clear out any suggestion of irony. But Charli herself is the key to why "Gone" works. She's the glue that holds together the disjointed impulses of the track, like she always is, but here she's also constantly moving it forward. Her vocals here are perhaps the best they've ever sounded, aloof and emotive all at once, and the fragmented lyrical picture that she and Chris paint is vivid. It took her a while, but "Gone" reveals a revitalized Charli XCX, capable of pop mastery once again. [10]

Oliver Maier: "Gone"'s release feels timed to ensure that Pop 2 fans don't abandon hope for Charli's album after the disappointing "Blame It On Your Love", with metallic globs of bass and sparkling synth arpeggios hearkening back to the palette of the 2017 mixtape. However, it's actually Christine and the Queens who gives the stronger performance here; Charli excels in emotional extremes and bratty earworms, but the purgatorial feeling of anxiety that "Gone" reckons with -- as well as the song's cavernous arrangement and less immediate hook -- are better suited to Chris' subtler wheelhouse. The breakdown in the last minute is a little superfluous, more a signifier of a willingness to experiment than a successful experiment in and of itself, but "Gone" still provides a brighter forecast for Charli than we had a few weeks ago. [6]

Joshua Copperman: So I did the dumb remix thing again. The Katy Perry one was a reorder of different parts, but this one adds more instrumentation and a four-on-the-floor kick that takes Charli back to 2009 instead of 1999. Despite my favorite performance I've heard Christine give ("do they wish to run through mee," the plainspoken way she says "baby" just before the breakdown), and the clear vocal chemistry between her and Charli, this song has so much empty space when a melody like that requires bombast. That breakdown feels like someone trying to recreate NSYNC's "Pop" using "Call Your Girlfriend" samples on a broken MPC. Couple that with the ugly flanging on Charli and Christine's voices, and any momentum and goodwill feels squandered. "Gone" is so strong until that point that it's still extremely listenable, but extremely listenable feels disappointing when it's this close to being great. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: I can't think of a more appropriate artist to enter the "crying on the dance floor" pantheon than Charli XCX: pop's resident party girl saying that she "fucking hates" the people at this party is not an artistic confession to be taken lightly. Although the marketing for this track has been informed by the tired "most personal album yet" cliche, Charli has thankfully pulled off the introspective turn by maintaining her PC Music inspirations, metallic synths bouncing off the edges of the song and giving the message of grappling with anxiety some much-needed bite. The presence of a feature is another XCX signature, and Christine and the Queens is a welcome addition: for once, a Charli track clearly shows the collaborator's influence, in this case with its clipped melodies and off-kilter yet evocative lyrics. [8]

Will Rivitz: "Backseat," off 2017's Pop 2, cascaded into perfection on the strength of its final minute ripping the preceding three into shreds. "Gone," in doing exactly that again, but even more transcendentally sublimely this time (and with a transcendentally sublime beginning three-quarters to match, something its predecessor missed by a hair), is by extension better by about one degree. And I gave "Backseat" a [9], so... [10]

Joshua Lu: In light of the multitudinous takes on social anxiety pop stars have churned out in recent years, "Gone" feels surprisingly honest. Anxiety is seen as illogical (Charli's cry of "they don't care" seemingly comes out of nowhere, which is where these feelings often come from), shameful (the song opens with an apology), and maddening (the entirety of the prechorus and Christine's verse is filled with an untempered rage), and the song's unapologetic portrayal of these aspects acts as an effective catharsis. It hits harder when casted over the stutter-step instrumental, filled with uncomfortable white space and coarse industrial noises that put the listener on edge. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: A song about being impossibly and destructively tired, so much so that one can't help but be vulnerable as a last ditch effort to maintain sanity. The production captures it perfectly: steely and anthemic and spacious, it encourages one to sing along in a sort of therapeutic karaoke session. The outro is a cute release--a moment to decompress by way of A.G. Cook's love for Scritti Politti. [7]

Michael Hong: Like the best Charli XCX tracks, "Gone" deals with solitude in crowded spaces, no matter the number of collaborators involved in the track. The industrial soundscape threatens to cave in at any moment -- something that fueled by the pair's anxieties does inevitably occur, and yet remains this moment of euphoric bliss. While Charli and Chris pose several questions across the track, none are really answered. Instead, the two end with a shared statement, "don't search me in here, I'm already gone, baby," and by tossing aside the anxiety of the party, the two find peace outside of the crowd. In a crowded field of tracks about wanting to leave the party, "Gone" is one of the most captivating because of Charli's introspection and ability to bring her dystopian future into the present. [7]

Kylo Nocom: This song is a fever dream of DJ Mustard stabs warped into freestyle-esque basslines, Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis communicated through modernized rhythms. "Gone" shines in stark contrast to the notable collaboration Charli's done with a certain other '80s fanatic back in late 2017, substituting emotional atmospherics for feverish danceability. Charli's unstoppable pop glee is bared down to the essentials, stripped of the dumbness that felt defining of her singles the past two years; Christine's dense songwriting and anxious percussive affinities are polished up and displayed proudly here, with no signs of the occasionally campy production cheapness that defined her 2018 album's weaker missteps. "Gone" pays empathetic attention to the overstimulation some feel at huge parties, and the bouncing, metallic chorus shivers with a knowing sensory discomfort that eventually culminates in a gloriously alien glitch breakdown. [8]

Alex Clifton: A contender for Song of the Summer that isn't "Old Town Road" (which I love dearly but does not work on its own as a party playlist). Charli and Chris are always Interesting Artists, never boring and always looking forward, and this is a perfect marriage of their strengths and sounds. It has the electro production Charli favours but never gets too overwhelming; it has a good dose of Chris's quirk and gravitas but retains a lighter touch. Moreover it's just a fun song--I can only imagine what it was like to record this in the studio, and that enthusiasm spills over to the listener. Like Jane Austen's prose, "Gone" is complex and layered but performed with ease. It's one of the hardest tricks in the book, but Charli and Chris have absolutely nailed it. [8]

Iris Xie: "Gone" listens like the measured dissertation of an almost ideal pop song in a post-PC Music world that is more open about mental health, attachment trauma, and how it damages relationships. Out of the two, Letissier is the one who delivers the vocals with the exact emotion required to hit catharsis, due to her visceral and forceful cadence that is in tune with the chorus's frankness: "I feel so unstable, fucking hate these people / How they're making me feel lately." The post-chorus is beautiful though, with one of my favorite pop-R&B vocal tropes where they both catch on the fourth word of each line, "Why do we love--" before Charli and Letissier exhale with a sharp glide before jumping back into step with the stuttering beat, with "--if we're so mistaken?" Another treat is served with the sudden drop-off into "Why do we keep when the water runs? / Ne me cherche pas, je ne suis plus là, baby," a dreamy and sad breakdown that then breaks down into more jagged edges and clipped and chewed up repetitions. This song could only be written by people who love pop music so, so deeply that they have command of masterful hooks and turns of phrase and expectations. Unfortunately, I also don't like it as much as I should, because for all of what it does right, it still lacks dynamism and range to make it stick in a way that really makes me overjoyed for it, because I feel both of their solo work was a lot sharper and more evocative, and I find the sound more muddled here, even amongst all of their loving approaches. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: One of my favorite songs is The Tycho Brahe's "Steel Wheels," a song about defeat and cutting ties to pursue other defeat. "Gone" is a lot like that song, attached to a lesser song: yet another false, poppily marketed take on social anxiety. When I'm socially phobic, which is almost all the time, it's never "those people" I hate -- I don't hate anyone without a good reason, and doing so would just add guilt and make me feel worse -- but myself. It seems too simple to posit that one song is Chris's contribution and the other's Charli's, but more to the point, I actually can't tell which is whose. Neither artist seems fully themselves, vocally or stylistically. Chris's strengths are staccato lyrics and precise bits of introspection: needles to the exact point that hurts. Charli's strength is sweepingly cathartic songs, emotions hemorrhaging out of the music and the skin. "Gone" is the midpoint of those strengths, playing to neither. [6]

William John: A favourite moment of mine in the Christine and the Queens catalogue is early single "Nuit 17 à 52", which, in its English adaptation, features a speaker in a "lace-like" state of being, waiting "for the rain to come through". It's an image of defencelessness that's so brusque it requires gentle piano chords to soften the mood. Water provides no solace to the song's protagonist; the fifty-second, pivotal night of melodrama fails to leave her mind. This is an image Christine and the Queens returns to for her contribution to Charli XCX's new single - interviews have made it clear that she penned the chorus, but it's obvious to anyone familiar with the charming peculiarities of her brand of franglais. This time the punishment of water is accompanied by inquisition - the metaphor is not used as a mere acknowledgement of self-flagellating tendencies, but and a need to know why they might arise is attached. The contention is that in the quest to know more about oneself, water can be framed not as a suffocating force, but as one of cleansing and catharsis; that in daring to be vulnerable, we open ourselves up to freedom and greatness. Enlisting a partner-in-crime to assist with such a quest doesn't hurt, and there's been few moments in pop this year as thrilling as the way these two jointly bellow "loathe" before the song gives way to its chirpy coda, as together they will themselves toward liberation. [9]

Jackie Powell: The production on "Gone" matches the exact emotional plot of the song itself. The bass synths and percussive claps are accurately abrasive and in your face. The vocal performances that both XCX and Christine give are impassioned. While the chorus might be a bit muffled and not as enunciated as I would have liked, they achieve a goal that all artists should strive for⁠--the ability to transfer their emotions through their lyrics and sounds into the soul of the listener. The mixing from their chest into their head voices that both singers do on this track brings out some sort of euphoria in me. Charli's previous singles "1999" and "Blame it on Your Love" have been catchy, but maybe not as substantive as Charli stans have wanted. I understand her strategy. It reminds me of Carly Rae Jepsen's approach to how she released "Dedicated." Both artists released advance singles that were a bit lighter in content and sound. And then of course, we heard "No Drug Like Me". The third single put out to the world was the sucker punch, the sly off-speed pitch that hits right in zone after two high fastballs that don't quite elicit a flinch. The 52-second outro in "Gone" was confusing when I first heard it, and maybe it should be a tad shorter, but I finally understand the reason it exists to begin with. If you listen closely, Charli and Christine's voices sound as though they are gargling water or are putting their faces into the water that they are claiming is still running. They make their point though, we've got to question why the water is running and it's up to us to stop it. It's uncomfortable, but we have the power to stop it. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Charli XCX #Christine and the Queens #music #music review #writing #pop

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joon-bugs · 6 years

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Slow

-In honor of RM's latest mixtape-

Namjoon chuckled and abandoned his ministrations to look you in the eyes. His own were black, already blown out from the lust you yourself felt. You wanted him to hold you down and make it so you wouldn't walk for days, but it seemed he had other plans for that morning.

word count: 1,515

pairing: Namjoon/Reader

genre: smut

warnings: fingering, overstimulation

In...out. In...out.

The slow inhale and exhale of the small weight atop you was rhythmic, hypnotic in its steady pattern. Short puffs of warm air grazed your bare collarbone, lulling you, as you lay in a state of hazy comprehension, not quite aware. Idle fingers swirled along the dip of your slumbering occupant’s back,reveling in the feel of naked flesh. The steady beat of falling rain was accompanied by the quiet hum of a whirling fan, emitting a cool breeze.

You released a low breath as your partner stirred, his newly dyed locks brushing the underside of your chin. A pair of pursed lips roamed the top of your breast, the owner hovering on the edge of consciousness. You knew the moment he had awoken when he drew in a loud breath and hummed into your skin, sending a buzzing of electricity to languidly course throughout your nerves. The feeling simmered within, your body rising in sensitivity, even more so when long rough digits made a venture from your sides, to the concave of your navel.

Your breathing faltered, growing shallower as images of the night before floated past your subconscious. You brought your hands up, grazing the freshly shaven sides of your boyfriend's head and smiled in reverence.

‘Joonie..’ You sighed lowly, his hands splaying across your abdomen. He began rubbing light circles into the skin there, inciting a moan to slip past your lips.

‘Baby…’ Namjoon mimicked your tone, his lips making their ascent to the column of your throat. Wet open mouthed kisses left a trail of red welts in their wake, marking up the bared area. You felt a stirring inside you, building, Namjoon’s action triggering a familiar wetness to slide down your thighs. You squirmed, pushing your hips up in an attempt to gain some sort of friction.

‘Not so fast baby...we have plenty of time. And I plan to enjoy every. *Kiss*. Inch. *Kiss*. Of your body.’ Namjoon accentuated each word by pressing his lips down the middle of your chest, while one hand moved to grip your hip. You wondered where his other had gone when you soon got your answer.

Exploring touches to your inner thigh had you jerking in surprise, and you looked down quickly, only for your significant other to shush you.

‘Do something for me baby. Close your eyes. Live in the moment. Don't worry about anything else. Can you do that for me?’ You swallowed, mouth suddenly dry but nodded in consent, dropping your head down into the pillow.

‘Good girl.’ Namjoon crooned, caressing the high point of your thighs, making you feel more exposed with your lack of vision. You whimpered, closing your legs, somehow embarrassed at being so vulnerable. But being the man he was, he knew how to put you at ease.

‘Don't be afraid. You know I'll take care of you. Trust me.’

And you did. With every fiber of your being you trusted him with your body, and your heart. He had brought you out of a dark place in your life and led you somewhere you never believed you would find. Home.

You let him open your legs and continue his activities after taking a shaky breath and closing your eyes.

His touch was gentle, unhurried, mapping out the space close to your core as if he were worshipping you. And perhaps he was.

You wriggled at the lack of the contact you desperately craved, your fist clenching in a silent plea. The movements stopped for a moment before Namjoon spoke again.

‘Is this what you want?’ He asked, a smirk evident on his face. You opened your mouth to tell him off but was quickly gasping as he slipped two fingers into your entrance. It was slow, ever so slow. Drawn out, like the last notes of an ending symphony. You clenched your eyes tight, reminding yourself of your promise.

You could hear Namjoon’s breathing change, become affected by what he was doing to you. You felt his fingers curve up inside you and you moaned his name, a mantra that seemed more like a prayer. You begged for him to be faster, rougher, give you something else to help you reach that peak. But he only silenced your cries with a kiss, all tongue and hot, so hot you thought you might combust.

He stroked the inside of your walls, finding that spot inside to make you see stars. You grabbed his bicep with a grunt and squeezed, the muscle flexing under your grip. You were panting now, sweat plastering your unruly hair. Namjoon’s other hand still held your hip, forcing you to take what he was giving you. You'd never felt so turned on in your life and he was only using a his fingers. You were on the precipice of a mind shattering orgasm from just two fingers and the loss of your sight.

‘Are you close baby?’ Namjoon was panting now, though sounding more composed than you. You nodded, clenching your walls around his fingers. He cursed, finally giving in to your wishes, kicking up the tempo of his movements.

You were on sensory overload, the hot breath of your lover fanning across your face. This coupled with his low whispers and wicked fingers brought you closer and closer to your release, your skin taunt, muscles clenched. You just needed a little something more, just a little push.

‘You gonna come for me? Hmm?’ Your boyfriend panted, laying his head in the crook of your neck.

‘Not. Enough. Ugh. Need, need more.’ You gasped, throwing your head further back. Namjoon seemed to know what you needed, for he took the pad of his thumb and pressed it to your clit sending you over the edge. You cried out, pulling at his hair as you rode out the shockwaves, body convulsing in ecstasy. You jerked a few times, Namjoon’s fingers still inside you, thumb unrelenting as you twitched. You thought he would release you once you had come down but you were wrong. He pumped his digits faster now, circling your clit rougher than previously.

‘Ah-ahh.’ You choked out, legs spasming at the overstimulation. You pushed at Namjoon’s shoulders weakly, your strength no match for his persistence. He grunted, biting at your clavicle, pinning your body down with his own. You were compressed, unable to shy away from the creeping second orgasm, teetering between pleasure and pain.

‘Nam-j-joon, stop. Stop. I c-cant. Too much!.’ You pleaded loudly, tears wetting your face. You opened your eyes, unable to keep them shut any longer. The vision of Namjoon: hair mussed, pupils black, veins bulging, wrecked you to no end. You bit down hard on your lip, tasting blood.

‘One more time. You can give me one more.’ Fingers curled upward, causing your vision to go white.

You were flung into your orgasm, mouth hung open in a silent scream. You sucked in lungfuls of air, hands scrambling for purchase on something to anchor you. Your legs jerked uselessly at your sides as you whimpered, spent and oh so sensitive. Your pillow felt damp, your vision blurry from crying. Tremors racked your body and you hiccuped, shuddering. Your head was foggy, shocked at what had occurred. Chest heaving, you stared at the ceiling, not noticing that Namjoon had left until you felt his presence in the room again.

He held in his hand a washcloth, a sheepish smile on his face. He gently wiped you off, mindful of being extra careful around your throbbing core. He placed a chaste kiss to your hip, murmuring words of affection. Once finished he crawled up the bed and lay on his side, pulling you with him. His long limbs tangled with yours and you snuggled into the concave of his chest, smiling in bliss. He nuzzled your shoulder, placing an apologetic peck at the bite there.

‘Too much?’ He asked, skimming his fingers up your arm, warming your dewy skin. You sighed in contentment, your heart swelling with adoration. This man never ceased to amaze you. Always so caring and considerate, even in the bedroom.

‘No. Not too much.’ You breathed, turning to kiss his full lips. He wrapped his arms around you and it was then you felt the hardness of him pressed against your leg. You pulled back from him wondering how you could have been so selfish.

‘Namjoon what about you?’ You wondered aloud, hand traveling south. You were stopped however by a strong grip and he laughed.

‘Like I said...we have plenty of time. I don't plan on letting you leave this bed for a very long time.’ His eyes glinted wickedly, teeth suddenly appearing predatory, and you were surprised at how swiftly you were ready for round three.

Written by Rose

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shownuslaugh · 6 years

Text

Stage Name: SJ Birth Name: Park Soo Jin Position: Rapper, Face Birthday: December 10th, 1990 Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius Birth Place: Seoul, South Korea Height: 176 cm Weight: 150 lbs Blood Type: O Instagram: sjofbb Twitter: sjofbb Me2day: sjofbb — SJ was born in Seoul, South Korea — She is an only child but considers the other members of BigBang as her brothers — Her nickname is Kitten and was given to her by Top shortly after the band’s debut — SJ and Seungri were the last two members to be added to BigBang. — Initially, SJ only got along with Seungri. The other boys basically ignored her existence for the first few months after the band was formed — Her favorite color is blue and her favorite food is anything Taeyang is willing to cook for her — She is very good friends with Onew (SHINee), Siwon (Super Junior), Amber (f(x)), and Min Kyunghoon (Buzz). — SJ works as an MC and has hosted several shows. She also works as a model in her spare time and has starred in a handful of dramas. — YG has not released her mixtape that was reportedly completed around the same time as GD’s second album, but other members often bring it up in interviews — Her favorite BigBang song is Fantastic Baby — She and Seungri lived together for a while but eventually split when netizens accused them of secretly dating. She now lives two minutes away from Top. — SJ has three dogs: Haru, Jae, and most recently Ssamja. Ssamja was supposed to be named after Min Kyunghoon when SJ lost a bet to him, but she opted for his nickname rather than his actual name. — SJ’s ideal type: “The older I get the more I discover what I want is actually an amalgamation of my brothers. I want someone as funny as Top, as kind hearted as Daesung, as loyal as Taeyang, as passionate as GD, and as hardworking as Seungri. Appearance doesn’t matter so much as long as they have good morals and a good work ethic.”

Okay, so, here’s my try at a sixth member of bigbang au. Up top is obviously some basic info about her and below the cut is a Seungri/SJ story for your reading pleasure. For now, nothing will be in chronological order; however, I’ll add dates where I can.

2018

“What will you do while we’re gone?”

SJ looks up from her now empty glass of wine only to see Seungri’s face full of earnest curiosity. It’ll be the first time in over ten years they’ve been apart for longer than two weeks. None of them are really ready for it, but they all know it needs to be done. Her boys need to be men now. They need to serve their country while SJ…

“Wait for you to come back.”

Seungri sticks out his lower lip at her response and she pats his cheek. “You won’t really do that. Will you?”

“Don’t be silly.” SJ bites at the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know. It’s different, ya know? We’ve all had our little solo endeavors before, but at the end of the day we all came back together. We’ve always had each other to fall back on.”

“Now it’s just you.”

“Now it’s just me.”

Seungri finishes off his own glass of wine before lapsing into a comfortable silence with his best friend. She has a point. They’ve always had each other when things got rough or unsteady. Now they’ve drifted one by one to a point in life that will either be a springboard for a new chapter or the end of everything. It’s bittersweet. It’s terrifying. Sometimes Seungri is so scared of what’s to come he has to physically stop himself from hiding away at SJ’s apartment for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to leave her or the comfort of their relationship because- while he knows he’s good at meeting people and making new friends- he wouldn’t be half the man he is without SJ’s constant, unwavering belief. Same with his hyungs. They made him, shaped him, and now they’ve left him.

“This isn’t permanent,” SJ slips her hand in his and leans her head on his shoulder. “Things will change but… it’s all for the best.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Most of the time. Sometimes I worry though.”

“What about?” Seungri lets his cheek rest against the top of SJ’s head as he listens to her deep breathing, ready to jump at the slightest sound that could mean distress.

“The thought of you as a soldier is terrifying. The thought of Daesung as a soldier is terrifying. Of course, I worry over Jiyong as well.” She sighs briefly before continuing. “And then… there’s Seunghyun and Youngbae.”

“What about them?”

“I have no doubts the rest of you will be ready to pick up where we left off, but those two… I’m just not sure. Youngbae is married now. Don’t you think he’ll want time to just be a husband for a while? Maybe have children? Then there’s Seunghyun. After everything that’s happened who says he wants to come back?”

“He says.” Seungri doesn’t want to say he’s had those exact same fears, so he does what he does best when emotions get high: jokes. “Would you like to go see him now? He’s been off work for a while. If you put on a nice skirt and pick a good bottle of wine I’m sure we could convince him to stay in the band-“ He yelps when your fist makes contact with his chest.

“This is why I never get touchy feely with you.”

“Well, according to tabloids you like to get touchy feely with all of us.”

SJ sits up, back completely straight. “I can’t believe those rumors are still out there. Why hasn’t YG done anything? Since 2006 I’ve been called the worst things imaginable! Why hasn’t legal action been taken?”

Seungri feels bad. He knows why action hasn’t been taken just as well as she does. Just as well as the fans do. They aren’t the gold children of YG. They aren’t a G Dragon or a Taeyang. They’re just SJ and Seungri and that’s all they’ll ever be. For a lot of fans that’s more than enough. They like to show off their hardworking maknae line (which includes Daesung who’s also not a G Dragon or a Taeyang in Korea at least) to the rest of the world. They dote and coddle just like the older members dote and coddle. Most of the time it’s enough to be loved only by the fans and older members, but a bit more love from the company would be nice as well. Seungri still gets tears eyed over the surprise birthday party from YG even though it happened months ago, that’s how rare and hard to come by the love is.

Suddenly, Seungri’s struck by a memory. His first birthday after debuting. SJ threw him a surprise party, going so far as to personally invite and bring his family. He cried harder than he ever had in the past, harder than he ever would in the future. From day one SJ was showering Seungri with all the love and affection in the world and expected nothing back. And she’s still doing that. Her brothers are her world.

No wonder she’s so distraught about enlistment.

“I leave tomorrow,” Seungri whispers, pulling SJ back to rest against his chest. “I don’t want to spend tonight sad. Oh, I know! Let’s rewatch Goblin!”

“Seunghyun,” SJ slips out of his arms in order to face him properly. “Don’t you want to go out and have a good time? You leave tomorrow.” There’s a sadness to her voice. A regret. Like she feels like she’s holding him back from something. “Call a bunch of your friends and go party. Don’t spend your last night comforting me.”

“But that’s how I want to spend my last night. I love you and I’d rather be here with you. It’s… calming. I want to be with my family.”

“What’s left of it,” SJ mutters.

“Hey, don’t talk like that. Will it be like it was before? No. You’d be an idiot to think it was.” Seungri takes SJ’s hands in his own. He notices how cold her fingers are and presses his lips together in a firm line. “We’ll still have each other, though. No matter what. I promise.”

SJ’s grin reminds Seungri of a fox when she says, “you’re such a good dongsaeng.”

“No! Don’t start that! You’re only two days older than me!”

“Still older. Now, put on a drama. I need a good cry.”

Seungri mutters under his breath as he does what SJ said. “You’re so bossy. Are your hands broke? Can you not use a remote?” He huffs and pouts the entire time he searches for a show. Preferably an old favorite. Maybe… Goblin? Seungri just really wants to watch Goblin.

“I can hear you over there.” SJ smacks him squarely on the back of the head before taking the remote. “How does Goblin sound?”

Seungri claps his hands together. “Please, noona?”

“Eww, stop. Here, watch the damn show and shut up. You’re annoying.”

Halfway through their binge watch something occurs to Seungri.

“Hey, Soojin, you won’t break into my house while I’m gone and sleep in my bed while wearing my clothes will you?”

“What the- why would I do that, you psycho?”

“Because you miss me. Obviously.”

“If I miss you that bad I’ll just watch some YouTube videos to remind myself how awful you are. In fact, your face is getting on my nerves already.”

“Whatever.” Seungri turns his attention back to the show. A few minutes pass before SJ gasps in his ear. “What now?”

“Does it hurt?” She asks.

“What?”

“Being so ugly.” Her laugh is loud and Seungri knows she thinks she’s made the funniest joke in the world just now. He lets her laugh, content with these last few hours of normalcy.

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