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carmendeiact2whenplz · 4 months

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Things we don’t know about Old Mondstadt (that Hoyoverse refuses to tell us)

Aka things that haunt me (and probably many other old mondstadt fans)

(keep in mind- not all of these may be entirely unanswerable as of now, some have partial/vague canon answers, while some may have completely canon yet relatively obscure answers)

(for the sake of making things easier to write, i will refer to venti’s dead friend/the nameless bard as “nb” and the red haired warrior as “rhw”, and specifically wisp venti as “wispti”, and i will be referring to the group of wispti, nb, rhw, gunnhildr, and amos (and maybe decarabian too if he’s relevant in that context) as the “old mond gang”)

Note- lots of paragraphs ahead

1- why is nb nameless? does he just… not have a name? does he have a name that he either intentionally or unintentionally kept secret? did he have a name that he used openly and oftenly, but it was forgotten by history as time went on? if anything, did he at least have some sort of nickname people used for him (so we can stop calling him “some nameless guy or smth idk”)?

2- While nb being, well, nameless, may be a bit more justified, what about rhw? did he also have some sort of name? would calling him “ragnvindr” (or similar) be entirely un-canon? did he at the very least have some sort of code name/nickname?

3- what is the timescale of the rebellion? did it take weeks, months, years? decades? how long ago did thoughts of revolution start in old mondstadt? were the people always unhappy, or did old mond use to be a better place?

4- what is nb’s role in the rebellion? did he start it? is he just a leader in general? or is he just there for the moral support? was he on the front lines or in the distance, playing his lyre to rally the troops? is he a strategist? has he ever directly fought anyone on the opposing side?

5- actually, how old is nb anyway? pretty sure most people agree that the rest of the old mond gang are adults (not wispti but like. i’ll touch more on that later), but i’ve seen stories/theories/headcanons about how old nb was (at the time of death) ranging from around 14 to 23 years old- that is not a small range by any means. (according to a poll i made a while ago, 16 was the most common answer on what people thought their age was (my headcanon too), but there was definitely a lot of range in the answers)

6- If Amos and Decarabian’s romantic relationship is so toxic (for lack of a better word), how any why did they get together in the first place? Did amos enter the relationship aware decarabian was against some of the things she wanted most in life? did she enter the relationship purely to try to “fix” him? was he abusive towards her, or was it just a lack of attention/affection/caring about other things more than her? or was it that he never loved her/was attracted to her romantically at all? were they still in a relationship even until the very end, or did they eventually split up when they both knew they would have to fight eachother and that things wouldn’t work out between them?

7- according to the “biography of gunnhildr” book (i think that’s the name), it says they worshipped the wind spirit barbatos and treated it like a deity, while other sources say wispti was nameless and was like. just kinda there. is one of them the truth, or both, or neither?

8- does wispti have arms and/or legs of any kind? can he talk/communicate with people? if so, how does he go about doing so?

9- it’s implied in “a drunkard’s tale” (an ingame book) that the wind spirit that transformed into a fox and helped create wine is the same wind spirit as well. wispti. if that means wispti can shapeshift, to what extent can he do it? can he even become a human/humanoid (not to the same detail and/or time extent that modern venti/barbatos can do so but still)? if so, how does that impact his relationship with nb and/or the rest of the old mond gang?

10- how long did the members of the old mond gang know eachother? did most of them meet in relation to the rebellion, or did some of them know eachother before they got to that point?

11- what is the order of events between amos dying, nb dying, decarabian dying, barbatos getting the gnosis, barbatos taking nb’s form, the end of the fighting, and rhw leaving/abandoning (for lack of better words) everyone? how much time took place between all those happening?

12- what exactly are the purposes of the tower? is it just a living space/government building for decarabian and amos, or is there more to it? did other people live in the tower too? if the circular ruins/symbols seen in the tower present-day were also there back then, why and how are they there? are the light actuators in the tower related to anything involving decarabian’s power/immortality and/or the storm wall?

13- how impenetrable is the storm wall, really? is everything restricted from going in or out, or are some people able to move freely? what is the immigration/emigration rate of the city? how often are things imported and exported? does the wall have any intended purpose other than for keeping the blizzard out?

14- how did amos get her bow? why is it so (hypothetically) powerful? where did she get it and how did it “retain its power” to this day?

15- how “old” is wispti? he could theoretically be any “age” between “manifesting into existence shortly before his first interaction with nb” and 14 billion years old/as old as time itself(and you thought nb’s theoretical age range was large.) how much did wispti truly know before getting involved with the rebellion? was he technically a toddler (in terms of knowledge/mentality), or does he actually have thousands of years of knowledge?

16- to what extent did the imunlaukr (i probably spelled that wrong) and lawrence clans participate in the old mondstadt rebellion? were they involved at all? should the old mond gang be eventually expanded to include more people? (lawrence, venerare, etc)

17- HOW DID DECARABIAN LOOK LIKE? HOYOVERSE PLEASE. IF YOU WONT GIVE US HIS FULLBODY DESIGN WITH MULTIPLE POSES AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AT LEAST GIVE US SOME CRUMBS ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE (how tall he was, hair color, outfit style, special accessories he wore, weapons he used, etc)

18- what is the relationship of the old mond game to eachother? were they friends? found family? or were things far more complicated than that? (and what was their reaction to knowing amos, one of their biggest allies, was also the lover/partner of their (the old mond gang’s) enemy?

19- did some of the genshin weapons with lore relations to old mondstadt actually get used during old mondstadt? (aka did nb get to use freedom-sworn as an actual combat weapon)

I probably left out a lot of things so i may go back later to edit, but there are just. SO many things hoyoverse keeps behind the lore basement. If anyone would like to add onto this list, or provide personal headcanons and/or canon answers to the things mentioned here, i highly reccomend doing so.

@honorary-fool @amarisrosalette @gierosajie @lanternlightss @arson-n-quwubilder @littleblueberryartist @lilyandthegenshinbrainrot @elysianheresy

@goyayato @lordofthetower @nellfe-the-feral-creature @thatonenerdinyourclassroom

@yume-shirokuro

(if anyone tagged would not like to be tagged, please let me know)

#old mondstadt #genshin impact #genshin theories #nameless bard #venti #wispti #wisp venti #redhaired warrior #amos #amos genshin impact #gunnhildr #decarabian #writing prompts

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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 1 month

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Clone Wars headcanons that have been rotting in my google docs

I like to believe that Padme teaches Ahsoka how to make friendship bracelets and she treats it as something sacred and spends an unholy amount of time making some for the people she cares about

Master Plo gets the first one, Obi-Wan gets the second, Rex Cody and a couple of their boys get some more, Padme of course gets one, and Anakin gets one last

The reason he was the last to get one is something Ahsoka will never admit out loud but she honestly wanted to take her time with his

And because of that Anakin permanently has a work of art on his wrist like everyone’s is gorgeous but his is something else entirely

He thanks her truly and honestly thanks her and promises to keep it forever

When Ahsoka jokingly calls him for breaking the orders rules he comments back “When have we ever listened to those rules”

He keeps his promise too that bracelet never leaves his person

He’s lost clothes lightsabers and even a couple of prosthetics but he always makes sure to go back for that bracelet

He eventually repays the gift in kind with a bracelet of his own

It’s not the best made or pretties thing but Ahsoka can feel the love that was put into it so she makes the same promise he did years ago and keeps it too

When the twins are born Ahsoka makes them both friendship bracelets

At first they are small enough for their tiny wrists but she adds onto them as they grow older

Ahsoka tears up when she finds that they all kept the bracelets she never thought they’d toss them or anything but seeing them decades later does hit her hard because they’re all in perfect condition

Padme loves to “kidnap” Ahsoka whenever they have the time

She’ll just request her protection on a diplomatic mission

Sometimes it is an actual mission but Padme will still make time to take them to her favorite restaurants or cafes so they can have a little bit of downtime

When the war ends the tradition continues even tho everyone knows Ahsoka’s not really there as a security escort

I find the visual of Anakin and Padme telling Ahsoka, Obi-wan, and Rex they’re married fucking hilarious

Both Obi-Wan and Rex would try to act like they’ve been fooled truly they do but it all kinda breaks when Ahsoka asks “Wait we weren’t supposed to know?”

Anakin is just as confused when he asks “What do you mean Soka? How could you have known?”

And that’s when Ahsoka just starts laughing hysterically and it doesn’t take long for Obi-Wan and Rex to join in when he asks again all Ahsoka says is “Really? Kriffing look at you two” and doesn’t add much else

Both Luke and Leia try to replicate Ahsoka’s face markings with various levels of success

They often ask their mom for help and she’s always happy to do so Ahsoka gets filled with unimaginable amounts of joy when she sees her niece and nephew trying to look just like her

Anakin often jokes that of course he’s not the favorite even in his own home like she’s not the first name that comes up whenever babysitting is on the table

It’s also not a surprise that both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan become the twin's space equivalent of godparents

It seems like a necessary precaution all things considered

Neither of them takes the role lightly but they also vow that it won’t be needed and they do everything in their power to make it so

After most missions it is very rare for Anakin to let Ahsoka and Obi-Wan out of his sight

Ahsoka never fights him on this and is perfectly happy to stay by his side and sleep in the living room like they often do

Sometimes Obi-Wan is called away for a meeting with the council and can’t stay with the two but that doesn’t stop him from joining them later on in the night even if they’re asleep

Anything beats sleeping in his cold desolate room after some of the more dangerous missions

Sometimes they’ll go a step further and call Padme just to check in with her and have her on the line as they watch some stupid rom-com

After some of the rougher missions it wasn’t uncommon for Ahsoka to pass out due to the physical and mental strain

It also wasn’t uncommon for Anakin to give her a piggyback ride back to the ship

He finds that people shoot him less looks when he’s carrying his padawan instead of holding her in a death grip and not letting go until it’s time to leave

A lot of people thought they’d grow out of this habit but no it’s a trend that stays throughout their lives

It just so happens that Ahsoka grows tall enough to return the ongoing favor

It also didn’t stop at the battlefield either

Sometimes Anakin would find her passed out in the archives or he would get a message that she was asleep in a friend's room

And he’d always go to get her because what’s he gonna do leave her there?

Sometimes when Ahsokas babysitting the kids Anakin will find her in a position that Obi-Wan often told him about

Sitting in front of the TV with the twins curled up at her side

And while Padme deems it her job to carry the twins off to their room Anakin takes his long-time role of carrying Ahsoka to hers

(Because if you think she wouldn’t have a room in their house you’re crazy)

Anakin always knew Ahsoka would grow up that’s just a part of life and how the universe works

But nothing can describe the feeling of her growing taller than him

Envy isn’t what he feels no matter how much people suggest he does sadness isn’t either it’s something deeper than that

Bittersweet is the closest word he could find because after all there’s nothing quite like watching your younger sibling grow up

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midnightsslut · 1 month

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the whole cardigan/Peter parallels are messing my head can u explain

okay so peter is actually one of my favorite songs on the album for this reason! I think it has parallels to a lot of other songs, not just cardigan. the first thing to get out of the way is the cardigan lyric about peter and wendy: ‘tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy.’ now, that line doesn’t make a ton of sense because peter losing wendy is the ending of peter pan (idk I’ve never seen it and never thought I’d spend this long thinking about them), but I think what she’s saying is that he tried to change the ending of *their* story to peter losing wendy. peter loses her because she outgrows him, while he remains a ‘lost boy’ forever. the cardigan demo has an alternate lyric where peter actually *leaves* wendy. this does not happen in the original story, and to me, it reads like betty (eh, I don’t think those characters existed when she wrote that song, but bear with me) is accusing him of trying to change their fate by leaving her. peter is meant to always come back to wendy. *she* is the one who eventually leaves him. either way, cardigan ends with them together. yay for betty and/or taylor.

now, peter was written 3-4 years later, and it is the conclusion of a story about outgrowing someone despite truly wanting them back. the ending was not, in fact, changed. she did outgrow him. very sad. I actually want to go lyric by lyric, but I’ll put a cut just in case.

Forgive me Peter

My lost fearless leader

In closets like cedar

Preserved from when we were just kids

Is it something I did

the song starts with taylor trying to figure out what went wrong. did she do something wrong to crush these dreams of theirs? she kept him in a closet of cedar (where unmarried women kept their belongings that they would want to take with them after getting married) in her mind, but things didn’t work out anyway. the first line being ‘forgive me, peter’ indicates that she is the one who pulled the plug, and she’s apologizing for it. again, she isn’t entirely sure what went wrong, which, to me, is a clear parallel to how did it end.

The goddess of timing

Once found us beguiling

She said she was trying

Peter was she lying

My ribs get the feeling she did

when they first met, the timing seemed to be perfect for their relationship (‘the goddess of timing *once* found us beguiling’), but that didn’t last. the goddess of timing claimed that she tried, but nothing could save them. taylor even wonders if she lied, which suggests a lack of faith in higher powers like fate or deities. this verse introduces timing as a major conflict in the story. ‘are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?’

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Words from the mouths of babes

Promises, oceans deep

But never to keep

peter went away, but he promised to come down once he was ready for a relationship. yes, this kind of applies to both of the main storylines on the album. you could take this to mean that they actually broke up a decade ago but promised to get back together, or you could assume there was some sort of break to their relationship, which she and joe did have. i kind of took it to mean that he wasn’t fully committed to the relationship, but he promised to be eventually. again, the renegade lyric, but also ‘i’m a fire, and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean wave blues come’ and ‘I’d hold you as the water rushes in,’ both of which are grand promises that neither party could keep.

Are you still a mind reader?

A natural scene stealer

I've heard great things Peter

But life was always easier on you

Than it was on me

he is charismatic. his magnetic field is a little too strong. he can read people. but he’s also fragile and inexperienced (‘he was a hothouse flower to my outdoorsman’). he may be able to read people, but things have been way too easy for him to ever understand a truly hurt person fully.

And sometimes it gets me

When crossing your jet stream

We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon

In different galaxies

And I didn't want to hang around

We said it was just goodbye for now

this is the thesis statement of their relationship to me. obviously, there’s the call it what you want parallel, but more importantly, it shows that the two people really wanted this to work. they just came from completely different places in their lives and perhaps the entire universe. this verse seems to reference the epilogue (‘resentment rotting away galaxies we created’ / ‘some stars never align’). they learned the right steps to different dances, if you will. she knew he needed time, so she left temporarily.

And I won't confess that I waited

But I let the lamp burn

As the men masqueraded

I hoped you'd return

With your feet on the ground

Tell me all that you'd learned

Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

she does get with other men, but she keeps longing for him. she wishes that he would return with a grasp on reality and be the man she needs. if anything, the time away would give him the perspective he needs to ground himself. interesting parallel to ‘I said I don’t mind / it takes time’ in loml.

And you said you'd come and get me but you were 25

And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired

Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life

Forgive me Peter, please know that I tried

To hold onto the days when you were mine

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

this is just devastating to me. well, first of all, both matty and joe were 25 when they first met her, which, lol. the dreams they had together have expired now. it’s been too long. she cannot keep holding onto a love from almost a decade ago. he took too long to return. he lost his lifelong dreams to what was only supposed to be a chapter of his life. she tried to hold onto the days when he was hers, and everything was right, but she had to turn out the light at some point. this is the moment when she gives up on their relationship. she apologizes for abandoning the ship, but she must do it.

overall, I think peter is a story about two people who genuinely did everything they could to be together, but their needs and their growth no longer aligned. there’s a sense of acceptance and lingering fondness here. she did everything she could not to bolt, but the ending was the same.

#peter #loooove this song #cardigan #ttpd

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hargrove-mayfields · 9 months

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________

Steve traveled a few hours for this.

Robin and Dustin came with him, taking turns driving since neither of them really liked to, but there wasn’t much choice. They would’ve brought the boys’ mom, but going a few states away isn’t something Claudia can do with her job if she still wants to retire in a month.

She’d entrusted Steve and Dustin with her car and settled for car-pooling with Joyce to work until the boys and Robin got back.

He really appreciated that. This trip is a very big deal to him; a visit to literally the only place left in the country he can visit his decades long hyperfixation. The Rock-Afire Explosion, in all its horribly tacky 1980s glory. Settled today at an independent arcade restaurant.

There’s one closer to home, but it isn’t the right group. Some corporate sellout place that uses digital screens and shit. Another is closed off to the public unless he was going to pay way too much money to see his favorite characters barely functioning. So to West by god Virginia it is.

They made it, and have spent probably two hours straight at this literal wonderland. Robin and Dustin are mostly hanging out in the arcade portion, dishing out little golden tokens into skee-ball games and spinning wheels for tickets. Actual print tickets. Just when he thought this place couldn’t get better.

Steve though, he’s mostly been parked in front of the stage the entire time. A basket of chicken tenders later, even though the place is known for pizza- which Steve in his post ileostomy world can’t eat- he’s still not going anywhere.

Each and every time the show selector board lights up again, he’s wheeling his way over and choosing one from the draw. So far, he’s seen probably half of the whole show tape, happy stimming his way through each song and skit that he’d wanted so desperately to see in person ever since the last Showbiz Pizza closed in Indiana during his early childhood.

This time, when it comes back on to signal the cooldown is over, he’s beat to the draw.

A small boy of about 10 or 11 years old comes darting past in little light up sneakers, on tip-toes to reach where the buttons are mounted up on the wall. He’s got a mop of blonde curly hair on his head, where it’s longer in the back pulled into a tiny ponytail, with the band of some strap-on glasses tucked underneath.

Steve looks over his shoulder to see where the little guy came from, and sees a man who looks almost identical. But not just any. The one approaching him is someone he used to know, an old crush that got away.

Billy Hargrove in the flesh.

It’s been over thirty years. These days, Billy is inked from shoulder to wrist, even more tattoos peeking out from just under the v-neck t-shirt he’s wearing. His hair has lightened, probably from the California sun that darkened his freckles and added more to any uncovered spot of skin. Those pale, almost peachy colored curls don’t do much to hide the dark graying streaks.

Steve is the same way, a whole patch of greyish-brown blooming at the front of his hair, and crows feet by his undercast eyes. Aging hasn’t done him particularly well, not the way it has Billy. That is what he thinks at least, still never quite breaking out of his self-critical shell. His mom says he’s still charming at least.

Being love-sick all these years hasn’t helped though. He wonders what Billy will think of him now.

Billy who, with an absolutely adorable laugh, calls after his boy, “Mackenzie! You gotta wait your turn little dude!”

Steve rushes to insist, “Oh, no, he’s alright!” After all, he’s the grown ass man getting his entertainment from a group of cutesy animal robots.

If that little boy in his cute sneakers wants to have fun too, he’s not gonna be some gatekeeping elitist about it. Not when he sees the wristband on his little wrist that proudly declares his extra 21st chromosome. He recognizes the rainbow infinity on the beaded bracelet beneath that one too.

Steve gets it. Hyperfixations and special interests are pretty huge for him too. Mackenzie being so excited about the band he’s loved for so long is not something Steve would ever dream of squashing out.

Not even when the young boy takes to climbing up the side of Steve’s wheelchair.

Billy intervenes and picks him up right away though, “Hey, hey. We don’t touch that, Kenz. That’s his legs.”

Mackenzie’s slanted eyes get big, his little head whipping towards Steve to apologize, “Sowwy!”

But the little guy was so genuine and curious, there’s no way Steve could be mad about that, “It’s alright! Here, do you wanna push a button?”

Billy looks relieved that Steve didn’t start freaking out on his kid, motioning with a little nod of his head that it’s okay for Steve to take Mackenzie’s little hand and guide it towards one of the buttons.

Together, they choose a blue one. Steve’s already watched this specific show, but it’s one of his favorites since it involves all eight characters. For some reason, he hopes the kiddo really likes it too.

Nothing happens at first- the animatronics have to get air pressure back in them before they can start -so Steve takes the few seconds of delay to roll back to his table. It doesn’t really surprise him when the two friends he’s made join him. Father and son in swivelly red chairs at the table Steve parked beside.

When the lights come up on stage, Steve finds he doesn’t want to look right at the show and stare the way he usually does. Instead, he watches the wonder in Mackenzie’s deep and emotional eyes.

Kids like him don’t do much to hide their emotions, which is honestly a huge inspiration to Steve, who grew up masking and hiding his disability. Pretending isn’t fun, and even though he just met this little dude, watching him just be himself makes Steve happy too.

They’re both letting their hands flutter about by the time the first set is finished, the hiss of air signaling the animatronics are done until the next time.

Mackenzie whips around in his seat and all but shouts at his dad, “Baba, t’ey sang to me!!”

“I heard, buddy! Wasn’t that cool?” Billy enthuses back.

Little Mackenzie nods his head over and over, giggles replacing his words.

Surprisingly, to Steve at least, he then looks to Steve for his opinion too. There is so much trust and adoration in that look. He hasn’t seen that since Dustin was a kid way back when Steve had first been adopted.

Steve gives a thumbs up for some reason, “Yeah, it was awesome!”

He reassures the little boy, but Billy is looking more skeptical. Not judgemental or anything, just aware of the surprised tone in Steve’s voice.

Non-confrontationally, he informs Steve, “Just a heads up.. I might’ve told Kenzie we were friends. I saw you and I panicked.”

Yep. That explains it. The sheepish looks from Billy combined with the excitement from his son.

Steve is actually really flattered that someone he used to think was so cool would want to be his friend.

“Highschool bullshit aside, I always kinda wondered what it would be like being close with the Billy Hargrove.”

“Well I still have the same taste in music.” Billy announces, after a moment to think on important fun facts about himself.

It makes Steve chuckle softly, “This tacky pop is probably painful for you then.”

Billy shrugs it off, “Hey, I heard some Springsteen in there. And the Beatles always get a pass. I can get by on this.”

Suddenly Mackenzie gets impatient with them having their own little conversation, and tries to get Steve’s attention. He taps him gently first, then starts waving and curling his hands into shapes.

Steve recognizes the gestures Mackenzie is making as sign language, but he doesn’t understand a word of it. It’s one of those things he always wanted to learn, and wished he knew, but never sat down and dedicated to. His communication board was way easier for non verbal days.

His confusion must be clear, because before he can even say anything, Billy starts acting as translator, “He wants to know your favorite member of the band.”

“Oh that’s easy! I love Beach Bear. His surfer theme and his curly blonde hair are so cool!” The answer is easy for Steve. He doesn’t mention the part where the character has always reminded him of someone his heart long yearned for.

Mackenzie seems to explode with happiness anyways, butterfly hands going faster than Steve can even finish his sentence. He guesses that’s his favorite too.

The excitement takes over totally, just then Makenzie taking off running unexpectedly.

Billy is up out of his seat so quick, jogging past his little one and intercepting him before he can complete his mission. It’s obvious Mackenzie had wanted to jump onto the stage, instead having to crash into his fathers open arms.

Before the little guy can get upset, Billy turns it into a hug. He’s so gentle, his hold on his boy loose, not crushing like the prone restraints Steve grew up with.

This is teaching through love, not fear. Steve may have just learned something about love himself if the way his heart skips a beat is any indication. He tries not to tear up.

Billy cups his hand real soft on the back of Mackenzie’s curly head, advising him, “Please don’t run off like that, baby. You could get hurt.”

“Sowwy.” Mackenzie apologizes, almost automatically.

Once again, Billy takes action to make sure his son isn’t feeling confronted or yelled at, “It’s okay, bud. You’re doing a really good job today, buddy. Daddy’s proud.”

With that, he carries him back over to the show selector to press one of the buttons that has now since lit up again, choosing a show with help from Steve through a series of pointing and lighthearted laughter from the trio.

They end up picking yet another one that Steve already heard, but Mackenzie clearly hadn’t, so Steve feels okay leaning aside with Billy and chatting while the boy dances and enjoys the show in close range.

“You’re really good with him.” He compliments softly, not just impressed but super enthralled

Instantly Billy’s face lights up with a smile, “Thanks, Steve. It’s just been me and him, I’m trying to fix a lot of shit his mom put into his head.”

Steve is going to say something, but Billy gets bashful, and interrupts it, “Sorry. Trauma dump.”

“No, it’s fine. I definitely get it. My uh.. my mom was the same way, you know.” Steve admits, to make Billy feel less embarrassed about it.

“Here, here.” Billy bumps their shoulders together, a weirdly intimate interaction, one that most people would be too afraid to do lest they break poor paralyzed Steve (not going to happen).

“It’s hard. I love my kid. More than the fucking world. I flew hours to this place just to let him be happy. But goddamn it’s not easy to unravel the shit that was done to me. To him too.”

“Listen, that happy, sweet little boy that ran over to me isn’t afraid. He’s not hurt, or scared, or hiding from anything. You’re doing great.” Steve compliments, all genuine.

His dream of six little nuggets of his own might not be something he’s going to have these days, but he admires Billy for his family. Not just because of his crush either. There’s always been a side to Billy that was so emotional and tender, and he’s amazed at how easily Billy can use that for good.

A lot has changed, but not really. Steve just wonders what Billy thinks of the fact Steve hasn’t made strides in growing a family or becoming some successful mogul.

Apparently he isn’t appalled, because he’s blushing as pink as Steve has probably been all day, as he says, “Thanks, Steve.. I needed that.”

And then there’s nothing left to say. Steve opens his mouth once, then closes it again, too overwhelmed to think of anything. All he wants to do is blab about how he’s been in love with his old rival the whole time.

The pause in conversation isn’t silent, between Mitzi Mozzarella singing her little mechanical heart out, kids laughing about something fun or crying about not getting the prize they wanted, and various machines begging to be played. But it feels intimate anyways.

A moment for just Billy and Steve, in all their nearing middle-aged glory.

It’s Billy who starts things back up, after checking that Mackenzie is getting enough to drink for all the moving he’s doing, “So. D’you really think blonde surfer guys are cool?”

“Maybe.” Steve goes along with it, seeing the opportunity to flirt in the way Billy held onto that one small moment, and tugging hard on that red string of fate, “They definitely get bonus points for having cool tattoos and being good parents, I’d say.”

Billy’s face looks absolutely frazzled, eyes big and smile all crooked and wobbly. And then he laughs, a loud, hearty laugh that has butterflies going through Steve’s whole chest, “Looks like you finally beat me at my own game, H.”

So they have been flirting.

In celebration of not reading the situation wrong, Steve turns it up ten more, leaving a locationally relevant move for Billy on purpose, “Do I get a prize?”

Of course the prize isn’t a stuffed toy or a handful of bubblegum, but rather, a kiss. A sweet, shy kind of kiss that has them bumping their noses together by accident. It’s all they can really get away with, considering where they are, but it’s enough. A thousand words in one chaste press of their lips together. It’s how Steve knows right away this was meant to be all along.

For what could have been several more hours they sat and talked, just the two of them in their little corner of the restaurant, occasionally taking breaks to go play a game, or take Mackenzie to the bathroom. In that time, they go from practically strangers, to having agreed to live together.

See, Billy and MacKenzie actually bought one way tickets. The California cost of living was way too much for single dad finances, and they had plans to settle in a rental trailer park, after a tour of a few states around the area, doing cheap stuff to make it seem fun. Like they weren’t searching for a place to live.

No way was Steve going to let Billy and his disabled kid be homeless in their rental car. Absolutely not.

He sent Claudia a text, and she said instantly she’d be getting Dustin's old room in order to house Mackenzie, and Steve could share his room with Billy. The situation is one plenty of people have already criticized, saying Steve at forty something is too old to be living with his adoptive mother. Adding a alternative queer man and his kid with down’s syndrome to the mix was destined to be the talk of the town, just as it was when Dustin moved out into an apartment with Lucas and Erica.

The fact is, he doesn’t care.

Steve hasn’t done babysitting since he was paralyzed in his twenties, but he’s more than happy to watch Mackenzie while Billy works. As soon as he saw him he felt like family, and Billy agrees Steve and he are soulmates. To him, this is just completing part of him that anguished and mourned and longed for so long.

The three of them together with Steve’s mom and caregiver, sounds like a dream to him.

“Who wants funnel cake!?” Robin appears out of nowhere, two greasy paper baskets in hand. But she freezes, “Wait a second- Hargrove?”

Okay, so there is a lot to catch her up on. Steve is more than happy to tell the story of rediscovering Billy, his beautiful son, and their long-lost love for each other.

_______

#harringrove #billy x steve #billy hargrove #older Harringrove #disabled steve harrington #dad billy hargrove #steves hyperfixations are my hyperfixations #brothers steve and dustin #platonic soulmates Robin and Steve #that carpet photo is my photo of the actual place I write about here #had to be super edited though because it’s very old and not bright or neon anymore

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dogboyjackkennedy · 5 months

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so. thought a little too hard about my headcanons for Dsaf 3. and now i'm a bit sad. so now y'all get some!

Jack listening to Henry's tapes and getting about...five more reasons to want to tear that man to shreds. at lest three of them involved Dave. the other two involve Dee and himself.

Dee first coming out of her box in The Flipside looking like the Puppet, but then shifting into looking like herself again when she sees Jack. and then shifting into the Puppet again when the fight starts. just. my Dee shapeshifting headcanon <3 (basically, after she died, Dee could shift her ghostly appearance into being either the Puppet or a ghostly version of herself)

Jack looking at Blackjack and just seeing a younger version of himself, frozen in time. this young man in his early twenties, his whole life ahead of him, who had all of that ripped away from him cruelly. his sister. his brother. himself. all by the same man. reduced to a snarling ball of rage, who wants nothing more than to rip Henry to shreds where he stands. the only reason he hasn't done so is because he's been convinced that doing so won't truly set him free. when Fredbear told Jack that, despite the souls desiring vengeance, killing their killer would not set them free, Blackjack took that to mean that it wouldn't set him free either. he's been stewing in his rage and grief for decades, neither feeling ever subsiding in that time. if anything, his rage has only increased. he lost everything because of Henry. why wouldn't he be angry? and so, if everyone else must move on, and leave him there to guard Henry and make sure he doesn't cause any problems, alone, then he will.

Jack finally helping to set him free, looking his younger self in the eyes and saying maybe that means that killing Henry is the one thing that will set him free. and even if it isn't...well, he needs to be dealt with, anyway. what if he gets out and causes problems again? just...Jack looking at Blackjack and feeling both like he's looking at a window into the past, yet also like he's looking at a different person entirely. because he and Blackjack are separate people, technically. but it's also him looking at himself.

Jack holding Dave's hand as they confront Henry, and squeezing it a little bit reassuringly. Dave tightening his grip as he gets more stressed.

Peter's death in the Henry fight being the thing that makes Jack say that their anger pushes them harder, and Dee's death leading to the line "We're gonna fuckin' FLAY you alive, Henry!" from Jack...like. just imagine how enraged he probably sounded, seeing Dee go down again. do you think it reminded him of the day she died? the day he went back to the diner to find her and bring her home, only for him to keep calling out for her and looking for her as the horror dawned on him that he couldn't find her? do you think that's what was running through his mind?

Jack and Dave reaching the end, and jack admitting that he can't go with them. Blackjack interjecting that...there is something they can try. no guarantee that it'll work, but it's worth a shot. Blackjack can try to fuse back together with him; not necessarily the same thing as shoving someone's soul back into their body, which is a big no no, apparently, but maybe a piece of him will break off, and it'll become Jack's soul. maybe them fusing will trick the universe into thinking Jack has a soul. who knows, but hopefully it'll work. and it does. Jack, by some miracle, gets his own soul out of this in a way that'll allow Blackjack to still exist. he also gets Free Afterlife Top Surgery™, because at this point he deserves it. he's been through so much shit.

at the end of the fire, Jack just looks at Dave and Blackjack and says "Come on, guys. Let's go home."

i just. aaaaaaAAAAAAAAA-

also, some Afterlife headcanons for y'all:

Peter: "Jackie, with all due respect, you have the weirdest taste in men." Jack just hanging out with Dave in the corner: "Peter, wtf-"

Steven just immediately laid down on the floor of the Afterlife and slept for a while. he was. So Fucking Tired.

Jack: "Okay, therapy circle time-" Dave: "Absolutely not, we don't have time to unpack all that." Jack: "Dave, we have nothing BUT time to unpack all of that-"

Peter and Caroline reunion <3

#dsaf #jack kennedy #dsaf dave #dee kennedy #peter kennedy #dsaf blackjack #dsaf henry #sorry for my ramblings i just Have to scream about my Dsaf 3 Flipside headcanons. as well as my Good Ending Copium™#hope y'all enjoy!

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boybandbaby · 1 year

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I'm Not The Only One Part 2

Summary: The aftermath of your enemy Steve telling you that your boyfriend cheated on you.

Word Count: 2387

Note: Not revised. Part 1 here

As you walked up to Matt’s door, you were afraid of what might happen. You desperately wanted to speak to Robin about what happened but then Steve dropped a bomb on you. Instead of worrying about the Friday incident, you were not concerned your boyfriend was cheating on you. You really hoped that Steve was just being his usual asshole self, but the way he said it and the look in his eyes told you he was being sincere. So here you were, at Matt’s doorstep, knocking pathetically.

After a few moments that felt decades long, the door swung open to reveal your boyfriend. His smile grew when he saw you and you nearly melted at the sight. “Hi baby,” he reached out for you.

“Baby?” You shook yourself out of your trance. “I’ve been calling you all weekend. Where have you been?”

“I just thought maybe you needed some time to cool off from Friday.” He shrugged. “You were really mad at me.”

“I think I had the right to be mad.” You scoffed.

“I mean come on Y/n, we’ve been dating for a month and you still haven’t let me kiss you.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Is that why you were kissing another girl after I left your house?” You question. “And don’t lie to me.”

“Look, Annalise called me to hang out and yeah we kissed but we’re not getting back together or anything. We can just forget it ever happened.” Matt reached a hand out to you.

“Are you insane? It may seem like no big deal to you but it is to me. That’s cheating.” You slap his hand away. “You’re unbelievable really.” You turn, heading back down the path. “Oh, and Grease is overdue, idiot.” You slam your car door as you finish getting in.

The first thing you can think of is to go see Eddie. You know his weird antics and personality can cheer you up in a heartbeat. The drive to his trailer is filled with the noise of sad ballads and your sleeved hand constantly wiping your eyes. Why were you crying? Matt was definitely not worth it and you knew that but you couldn’t help feeling worthless and unwanted.

As you park outside Eddie’s trailer, you look into the mirror and sigh. Your eyes were red, your hair was a mess, and your skin was sticky with old and new tears. You see Uncle Wayne on the porch, “Eddie, your little friend is here!”

You chuckle at his words and grab your bag before stepping out. Eddie rushes down the three steps and opens his long arms to engulf you. “Hey, come ‘ere.” He says quietly. You immediately enter his embrace and wrap your arms around his waist. “He’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, I know.” You sighed and lean your cheek against his chest.

“You staying for dinner kiddo?” Wayne asks and you nod. “I’ll be heading to the store for food them. Be back in a bit.” Wayne gives Eddie a look.

“Let’s get you inside.” Eddie smiles and pulls you inside. “I can show you the new guitar strap that Dustin got me.”

Steve had called Eddie as soon as you left the store. He had filled him in on the entire situation.

“Okay so we’re going to go kick his ass right?” Eddie had told Steve through the phone.

“Eddie, you’re her friend. You have to do it.”

“Okay but you’re…meatier. I’m skinny. You’ve seen me shirtless. I need backup.” Eddie states. “Plus, someone has to comfort Y/n and I know it is impossible for you to be nice to her.”

“Hey, I can be nice.” Steve whines. “I was nice today.”

“Only because you had too.” Eddie snorts. “Look, you go kick his ass and I’ll go comfort Y/n.”

“I’m not kicking his ass alone Eddie.” Steve rolls his eyes.

“How about neither of you kick his ass and both of you just go check on Y/n.” Robin adds, holding a box of new tapes. “Y/n is plenty capable of kicking Matt’s ass by herself.”

“That’s true.” Steve laughs. “Well, I don’t think she’ll want to see me so… Eddie just take care of her okay? Let me know if she needs anything.” He ends the call after a few more moments, saying goodbye to Eddie.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad.” Robin laughs. “So so bad.”

“Robin.” Steve scolds. “I’m just being nice because she’s going through a tough time.”

“This could be what you need to start dating her. Swoop in to be her knight in shining armor or whatever.” Robin’s eyes light up.

“Alright, that’s enough out of you.” Steve shakes his head, “I’m going on break.”

“So what did you tell Steve when he told you?” Eddie asks, sitting on the floor, rummaging through an old storage bin. You look down at him as you lay on your stomach across his bed, flipping through a magazine.

“I mean, not much really. I basically interrogated him on what he saw and tried to verify if it was the truth.” You shrugged. “I seriously thought he was playing a joke on me.”

“I know he’s mean to you but not that mean. I think he likes you honestly.” Eddie bites his lip. “Imagine you and Harrington.” He ponders, “actually I think I almost threw up.”

“Shut up.” You toss a pillow in his direction. “He doesn’t like me. He can barely be in my presence. He said I was the Wicked Witch of the West, ya know?”

“If you’re the bad witch then I must be Glinda the good witch, huh?” Eddie raises a brow.

“Absolutely not. You have the hair to be Dorothy though.” You laugh.

“I would look good in red sparkly heels and we both know it.” Eddie flips his hair off his shoulder. “But seriously, Harrington’s got the hots for you. He was all like,” Eddie switches his voice to mimic Steve’s. “‘Take care of my beautiful, wonderful future wife Y/n’ and ‘let’s kick Matt’s ass to avenge Y/n’s sweet soul’ and the best one ‘let me know if Y/n needs anything. And I mean anything Eddie.’” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows.

“He did not say any of that, you weirdo.” You toss another pillow at him.

“You’re going to be pillowless in the next five minutes.” Eddie stands up to hit you in the head with the pillows, then stands a seat on the bed in the most obnoxious way making the entire bed bounce. “Remember when I first introduced you to the group? You thought Steve was cute. You even asked if he was single.”

“Which he technically wasn’t with all the dates he was going on.” You roll over onto your back. “I don’t know Eddie. Steve is cute but the past two years of bickering kinda just made me not really find him attractive.”

“Yeah yeah, I bet you’ll be dating or fucking by the end of the year.” Eddie lays beside you. “There’s so much sexual tension between you guys.”

“I hate you sometimes.” You laugh. “Let’s go see if Wayne needs our help.” You sit up and climb over him.

You had decided it would be a good time to thank Steve for looking out for you. It was Friday, only four days since you found out about Matt from Steve and confronted Matt yourself. As you walked up to Steve’s door, you remembered the last time you were here and how Steve had yelled at you. Maybe this was a bad idea. As you reached the porch of his house, you thought better and decided to just give him a call instead of your original plan. You turn back and start racing back to your car when you hear the door open.

“Y/n?” You hear. Your body freezes and you really wish you could just disappear.

Without turning around you reply with a quiet “Hey Steve.”

“You okay?” Steve asks, stepping out onto the porch after grabbing a jacket hanging near his door. “Did you just get off of work?”

“Um yeah, I just wanted to stop by to thank you.” You slowly turn around, scolding yourself mentally for not changing out of your uniform before coming to his place.

“Are those flowers? For me?” He points to the small bouquet in your hand. “You got me flowers?”

“Um… yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to bring over. Robin said you were laying off the sweets so I didn’t bring any desserts over. I’m sorry this is stupid. I just wanted to say thank you for being so kind on Monday and throughout the week. I know you asked Eddie and Robin to keep you updated on me. I’m fine now. Really. So thank you.” You rush out, turning to leave. “Oh wait, here.” You turn back around and shove the flowers into his chest. “Bye. Thank you. I’m sorry. Bye.” You hug your body and run back to your car. He’s quicker than you, shutting the door just as you open it.

“Do you want to come in?” He searches for your eyes. “You look cold. I can make hot chocolate or something?” He offers, unsure. “Only if you want.”

“You sure?” You squint your eyes and meet his.

“Yeah, I wasn’t busy or anything. Just making some food.” He smiles softly. “There’s enough for two.”

It’s his smile that has you immediately locking your car door and following him into his house. He waits for you to step inside his house before going in himself, like a gentleman. He shivers as he takes off his jacket.

“I’m supposed to put the flowers in water right?” He sets the bouquet on the counter. You had momentarily forgotten about the flowers. Your cheeks flush with heat and somehow he senses your embarrassment. “You know, no one has ever gotten me flowers before? I don’t even think I have a vase.” He mumbles as he searches the cabinets. “You okay? You’re quiet. You know you can have a seat.” He looks up to see you still standing near the entryway to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be awkward.” You laugh.

“You’re not.” He assures. “We haven’t had a good relationship so it makes sense why this is weird.” He smiles again and holds a red tinted vase he found under the sink. “I found one.”

“Let me help you.” You offer, holding the vase as he runs the water. “So you’ve been on hundreds of dates and not one girl has given you flowers?”

“Surprisingly no. I guess it’s just the whole gender roles and norms. I hope I didn’t embarrass you, I was just surprised.” He turns the faucet off.

“Well, I’m glad I got them then. Robin wasn’t much help. She wanted me to get you a funny greeting card. There’s not really a card that says, ‘I know we hate each other but thanks for saving me from a potential shitty relationship.’”

“I guess that’s true.” He shrugs. “You know I don’t hate you right? Slightly dislike but not hate.” He nudges your arm as he takes the vase and places it on the counter.

“It sounded like you hated me when you told me to get out of Hawkins.” You start to unwrap the flowers. “I was never trying to replace you Steve. I just wanted to be part of the group. I hope you know that.”

“I still regret saying that to you. You looked so sad but instead of apologizing I just… I don’t know. I guess I thought it was better to be mean to you then accept the fact that the others liked you. I don’t know how much you know about me but I’m usually home alone and other than my friends, I don’t have anybody.” He says honestly, voice laced with sadness.

“You have me?” You offer. “Like moving forward? We could be friends. We can hang out without the mean comments and stealing my snacks.”

“Even after everything I’ve done? You’d still want to be friends?” He looks down to his slippers. “I was a jerk.”

“Yeah you were. Especially by calling me a witch.” You laugh. He looks up at you and thinks it’s music to his ears. “I’m sorry for saying you have no heart and that you were a coward. Both of those aren’t true.”

“So I still have no brain?” He fakes being hurt.

“I mean you can be pretty stupid.” You smile, “like that one time at the fair when you got the hot pickle and immediately spit it out because it was spicy.”

“I thought it was like, going to be hot in temperature.” He defends.

“Who eats a warm pickle? Pickles are meant to be eaten cold.” You argue.

“Yeah yeah, that was pretty stupid.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You know, I regret not taking up your offer to ride the ferris wheel that day.”

“I saw that you wanted to go but no one would go with you. You kept looking up at the wheel and the lights of the rides made your eyes look so pretty. I just had to ask you.” You scoot closer to him, your sides touching as you busied yourself with separating the flowers. “But then you rejected me!” You nudged him this time.

“I’m sorry!” He covers his face. “I’m really sorry. Not just about that but everything else.” He says more quietly.

“I’ve already forgiven you, Steve.” You start rearranging the flowers into the vase. “We’re good now. Promise.”

“Good.” He smiles down at you. “You hungry?”

“Starving.” You step back to look at your work. “They look so pretty.”

“Yeah, they do.” Steve agrees, though his eyes are on you not the flowers. You turn to look at him.

“You’re pretty too, Steve.” You bite your lip and take a seat at the kitchen island to distract yourself from the butterflies erupting inside your stomach. What was happening? You thought. How’d you go from hating each other to flirting?

Steve knew once he told Robin about his night, he wouldn’t be hearing the end of it. Enemies to lovers? Maybe, he was a cliche. He really didn’t mind that idea.

Taglist: @yaskna

#steve harrington x reader

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wouriqueen · 8 months

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Pretty sure I mentioned part of this in an old messy post, but I just wanted to lay down my thoughts about those vampires vs teaching/learning.

Armand telling Louis he can "help him hone that skill" is so striking because prior to that, the teachings Louis and Claudia received about vampirism were so selective.

The stuff Lestat taught was primordial, but it was also focused on survival and mingling among humans: how to feed, how you can be killed, how to hunt smart and clean up discreetly, how long it can take to heal. All that was just enough to maintain the life they had in New Orleans: one entirely centered around their home and their 3-vamps unit. He didn't teach anything that would go towards stronger human connections, or preparing for meeting other vampires.

Mind-blocking especially is clearly so important for one's safety against other vampires. Even without being able to hear them, Lestat could have provided guidance or even just warnings. Yet Louis was clearly unaware of the dangers him broadcasting to Claudia could pose - to her, but also to himself had he not been with Lestat. Claudia herself learns mind-blocking by herself, out of necessity to gain autonomy from Louis.

Of course, other things would have deserved more teaching. Neither Lestat nor Louis teaches Claudia about the link between lust and hunger, for instance, and the dangers it poses when the vampire is too young to be fully in control. Yet Lestat feeds on Louis in the pilot, and says "easy to get carried away when young and in love" when Charlie dies - he knows how that works. Louis himself had to bite his own arm to prevent himself from killing Jonah. This withholding is probably subconscious, but it's meaningful: it's the proof neither men ever prepared for a future where Claudia would "become a woman" (not that sex is a necessary rite to become an adult but it works here).

Lestat' oversight concerning mind-blocking, though, does not seem so accidental. Not when he attempts to use Antoinette to counter Claudia by reading her thoughts. He expected that plan to work because he remembered not teaching her and Louis. I'm not saying he masterminded something over the course of decades, but he always knew that was a card he had - just like he may have other reasons for not telling Claudia and Louis anything of substance about other vampires, but he knew it was also a card he could play to keep them scared and therefore keep them home.

By offering Louis to hone that skill, Armand will appear as the opposite of the all-knowing tyrant who keeps people in the dark to better control them - which is not necessarily the negative aspects of Lestat that Louis would have focused on before (contrary to Claudia), but is, to me, something that should necessarily come to his mind after meeting the Coven, especially when things are still going well.

Like yes Armand's proposal also felt a lil' threatening and Louis was unsettled by the rest of the convo but that proposal must have felt to Louis like Armand can and is willing to open the world up for him.

(though it'll come at a cost)

#iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #armand #claudia #lestat de lioncourt #not sure any of this is of substance enough but just wanted to get it out #my posts #my iwtv #iwtv meta

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mygloviesme · 7 months

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cool about it, eleven years later. || myg

no. 2 of 3: she called me a fucking liar

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: eleven years later, kanako lives in nyc with her childhood best friend keiko. bts have become a household name that floods her every day life, and she's learned to ignore it. after years of moving on from those months she spent with the seven boys, she finds herself in a good place. what happens after one fateful night she finally runs into faces she's tried so hard to run away from?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 4.6k

genre: ANGST, fluff, melodrama

chapter warnings: mentions of mental health, drinking, smoking

inspo song: worldstar money by joji

JULY 9TH, 2023, 10:48PM

The woman next to Yoongi loops her arm around his, holding him close. A knife puncturing my stomach only twists further. Further and further.

“Who’s this?” She asks genuinely, kindly. Oh, I loathe her. I hate myself for it but I hate her more. The feelings I’m having are childish and jealous, completely unreasonable. But she’s so perfect. Her body fits into his like they were made for each other. I don’t recognize myself right now. It feels like high school with the way I’m obsessing over her every move.

All I want to do right now is run into the club and down more drinks than I can fathom. Self destructive is the right word. I was never one for spite, but right now I wish I had a man on my own arm.

“This is…Kanako.” He speaks, gulping.

Her eyes widen and she breaks apart from him, taking my hands. “Oh my goodness! I didn’t even recognize you! I’m Aimee, remember? I was a trainee at Bighit for a little while.”

The memories flood my brain as I recount who exactly she was. I do remember her. After the news broke out, she was the one who told me I could still take back what I said about Haneul. She was on his side.

This is who he’s with? I feel a burning in my stomach, a validating one. I have a reason to dislike her. It gives me reason to hate her. And God, do I hate her right now.

I look at Yoongi as Aimee holds my hands in hers, utter incredulity painting my face like a mural. I’m not sure if he remembers, but I do. Those words all those years ago were repeated over and over again so I could hate myself even more. She was amongst the people that made me afraid to go outside ever again.

Haneul doesn’t have that power over me anymore, and neither does she. At least for being on his side. But I’m definitely giving her power by wanting to rip her away from Yoongi. This is getting embarrassing.

“Yes. I do. You were friends with Haneul, weren’t you?” I smile with bitterness. I’m old enough to make statements now. I’m old enough to create boundaries. I don’t have to lie about liking someone. Fuck being the bigger person. I’ve been big, I’ve been small. I’ve done it all.

Her beaming smile fades and she lets go of me, “N-No. Well, yes. But I know better now, I’m so sorry for what I said. I haven’t spoken to him in over a decade.” She says. Yeah, right.

Yoongi only stands with his hands in his pockets, not saying a word. I don’t want to be talking to Aimee, but I’m not entirely sure I want to be talking to him either. I don’t know if I have the strength to, considering how it went with Jungkook. There’s too many thoughts circling my mind at this very moment, all of them being about Yoongi. I don’t even know if I would consider him an ex, someone I knew, the one that got away. Because that would be me, I got away.

I know I should’ve moved on long ago. I know I did in certain ways. But still after all these years I never understood why I could never give myself to someone else.The feelings for Yoongi had never dissipated, I just forgot what it’s like for him to be standing in front of me. Looking like that.

This hurts so fucking bad.

“Hey, Koko.” I hear Keiko say from behind Yoongi. She holds her bag as well as mine. Her body is asking if I’m ready to go. She knows. “It’s alright Aimee. Have a good night.” I say and nod to Yoongi who makes strong eye-contact with me.

I turn to Namjoon, “How long are you going to be in New York for?”

“Just two more days.” He says, “We can meet up again if you’d like.”

I walk to Keiko, grabbing my bag. “I’ll call you.” I tell him. He nods slowly and I wave a quick good-bye before me and Keiko head off into the Uber she called over.

As I walk away I’m fighting the urge to look back. I didn’t then, but I want to now. A part of me wants to tell Yoongi that I want to see him again. But the other part wants me to ignore all those precious memories we have together and lock them in a box, throwing away the key. Don’t look back. Don’t look back. I grip my purse tighter, biting my lip.

Before we get into the Uber, I reluctantly choose to look back. I hold the car door with one hand, turning to Yoongi. He was already looking at me. Those almond eyes. I keep that short moment in my back-pocket, saving it for tonight.

He looked back, and so did I.

JULY 9TH, 2023, 12:34AM

Me and Keiko sit on my bed, face masks on and a tub of ice cream between us with one spoon staked in the frozen dessert. It’s rocky-road, my favorite but her least favorite. She knew how much I needed it though, so she succumbed to the chunky-goodness.

“So how was it?”

“What?”

She rolls her eyes, “You know what I’m talking about.”

I take a deep breath, exhaling for a moment. “Awful. Jungkook was so upset, and I mean for the right reasons. But it just took me by surprise. He was so…sure with himself. Namjoon is sort of the same. Level-headed. But Yoongi…”

“He has long hair now.”

I shove her playfully, “Shut up!”

She takes the spoon, dipping it into ice cream before pulling it to her mouth. “Sorry. You were saying?”

I lean my hands back, “I felt like it was the first time all over again.”

“Like no time had passed?”

I pull a face, “It’s so stupid.”

She raises her eyebrows, giving her head a small tilt. “Just a little.”

I scoff, “Kay, sorry if I thought this was a safe space.”

“It is! It is. It's just funny to hear that is all. But I get it, trust me. Although it’s been eleven years.”

“Don’t rub it in! I know. But besides that, seeing him was so unreal. Unlike the others, he just seemed…the same. I don’t know. Should I see Namjoon tomorrow?” I ask, grabbing the spoon from her hand to have a bite.

“Well, what I’m hearing is you asking if you should see Yoongi tomorrow.” She purses her lips.

I nod sheepishly. “Maybe I am.”

“Kanako, can I be serious with you? For just a moment.” She stops and places her hands on my shoulders. I hold the spoon in my hand nervously, looking at her serious expression. “Sure.” I’m not. Keiko’s brutal honesty is never something to be ignored.

“As much as I love to encourage your bad decisions, I have to draw a line. Because I love you, and because I think you know this too…don’t try to stir things back up with him.”

I pout, “That wasn’t exactly my intention-”

“I know. But at your core, you’re a romantic. A lifelong monogamist, as much as you don’t like to admit it. You haven’t been in a real relationship in eleven years, and that makes me worry for you. And your vagina.”

“You know I’ve been trying to open up more!”

“Yes babe, but after eleven years? You couldn’t have been waiting for him, were you?”

She keeps emphasizing eleven years which doesn’t make me feel good. I know it’s sort of something that’s been left unsaid, my lack of relationships. But I’ve played it off as not needing a man, being too focused on my work. I’m just a workaholic, it’s fine. Even though that isn’t necessarily true. I love my free time. I love having free time. I knew one day I’d gain the strength to start something up with someone else, I was just waiting. Yeah, waiting.

“No! I mean not really. I just haven’t…felt that spark with anyone else.”

“Spark. Right.” She squints suspiciously.

“It’s true!” I gasp. It isn’t.

I settle down and play with the hem of my sweater, “Don’t act like I haven’t moved on.”

She cooes, “Oh, Koko. I know you have. I just think seeing him was hard for you. It brought up stuff, didn’t it?”

That’s definitely a word for it. Stuff. If stuff means feelings, yes. Feelings I can’t quite figure out. It’s not like I want to seduce him out of his relationship, but a part of me is so hungry to know him again. To know what he’s been up to, if he still likes his coffee the same, if his love for me hasn’t faltered. It hurts me so much to think that mine hasn’t. Haneul was never my first love, Yoongi was. What I felt for Yoongi was deeper, something I didn’t and couldn’t understand at eighteen.

What I had with Hanuel was a need to be seen, validated. There wasn’t any depth besides the trauma I got out of it. That’s a black hole I’ve gotten out of. With stories to tell and scars to hide, but It’s gone. Thank God.

“Yeah…it did.”

She pulls me in for an embrace, kissing my forehead. “Do what you want, I love you. He’s just…obviously with someone new. I don’t want you to get hurt. But you should see Namjoon. And maybe try to fix things with Jungkook. That’ll make you feel better.”

I nod into her shirt, “Yeah, it will.”

She pulls herself back from the embrace, seemingly confused. “It kind of surprises me that your feelings are so strong for him…and yet you guys never had sex.”

“Trust me, that took me months to get over.”

JULY 10TH, 2023, 6:00PM

I move the hair in front of my face and adjust my soft pink top before I enter the rather expensive restaurant Namjoon had invited me to. This is definitely not a place we would’ve come to back then. Even I have never been here before.

There’s a few moments before I’m met with a hostess, “Kanako?” She asks and I nod, gripping the handle of my purse tighter. My hands are growing clammier, embarrassingly enough. Namjoon asked if he could invite some of the other members that were here as well, and I accepted warily. I knew I’d easily get overwhelmed by seeing most of them again, but I didn’t know when I’d have another chance to. Seeing as they’re all busy and for the first time in eleven years I’m taking a leap of faith.

I don’t know when I’d have this courage again. Especially if it means Yoongi might be there.

She leads me to a seated area covered by a black curtain. Her hand delicately brushes it open for me, revealing the four familiar men. For some reason I expected something more dramatic, more tragic. I have pessimism on the brain, but can you blame me? It’s my easiest coping mechanism. My most self-destructive one. A common theme lately.

She gives me leeway to enter and I respond to her with a quick thanks before entering the small room. The men all stand quickly but seem to be caught, saying nothing. Their eyes dart to each other for a quick minute before Jimin smiles, “You look great.” Unexpected, but I’ll take it.

They all look great too, all so mature and aged. I could take notes. But I think they’d be pricey notes.

It feels like I’m standing in front of strangers in a sense, eleven years taking off memories from me little by little. But I still remember a lot. Even with Jimin’s cadence in his voice, it’s so different. It’s softer. More gentle, like I’m a new friend. New friend.

“Please, sit.” Namjoon insists and I do so, sitting next to him which seems like the safest bet. I place my purse down beside me and shuffle in my seat, “Thanks for…inviting me. It’s great seeing you all again.” I say, trying so hard not to cringe with my words. Just like last night, it feels like anything I say doesn’t amount to how big this situation is.

We used to be all so close. I knew them. They called me their sister at some point.

“You too. Sorry Taehyung couldn’t make it. He’s busy and all that.” Namjoon chuckles, planting his elbows on the table. Jungkook sits right in front of me, not speaking a word. His eyes stay looking down at the table, sometimes to Jimin.

I don’t know whether to look at them or not, it all feels like the wrong move. What if they don’t like who I am now? The way I dress, speak, move. I want them to recognize me. I’m almost thirty, why do I care so much about what they think of me?

“We went ahead and ordered meat and other side stuff. You like fish cakes right? And beer? If not, I could get you something else.” Namjoon asks.

“N-No, that’s all fine. Thank you…”

More silence.

“I got spicy cucumber salad for you. I know how much you liked it then.” Jungkook says between the echoing quiet. Then.

“Oh yeah, I still do. And I still like-”

“Pickled radish.” Yoongi whispers, fiddling with his hands. They remember. He remembers.

I respond with a soft laugh, “Right.”

He smiles too, looking up at me. One day I’ll stop feeling whatever this is I feel for Min Yoongi, but as long as he stays just like this, I don’t think that will happen any time soon. There’s a delicate fluttering in my stomach as we keep eye contact with each other, like it’s all that time ago. I would call myself delusional, crazy, everything that means that I’m looking too much into it. But if I could print this moment on paper, you’d believe me.

“So you guys are on a hiatus? How has that been?” I question genuinely. Jimin totters in his seat, making a ‘tsk’ sound with his mouth. It reminds me of Hoseok. I wish they were all here, but I’m glad I at least have this.

“Taking a break has been great for most of us, but I’m still working on music and whatnot. So is Jungkook, but we definitely have more free time than we did a year ago. We wouldn’t have been able to go on a dinner like this if it were, say, 2021.” He says honestly. The boys nod in agreement.

“Really?” I raise my brows in shock.

“Yeah, we were robots for like, six years straight. Non-stop working. What about you?” Jimin tilts his head.

“Yeah, Kanako. We’re- I am- very curious about what you’ve been doing. You went to college when you left, didn’t you?” Namjoon says it as if it isn’t a sore topic. It is for me, and with the way Yoongi shut down privately it seems like it was the same for them too.

I play with the glass of water in front of me, “Yeah I did. I graduated with a degree in communications, so I work with my friend Keiko at the New York Times as an editor. She was doing an internship there and…managed to get us both in, I guess. I’m pretty lucky.” I admit.

Jimin’s mouth is agape, “Kanako, that's seriously impressive.”

I scoff, “Oh shush, nothing like being a global star. Mr. Nominated For A Grammy.”

Namjoon shakes his head playfully, “There’s the Kanako I remember.”

I smile to myself as I hear Namjoon’s comment, “But thanks Jimin.” I say.

Before he can reply a waiter comes in with multiple servings of all kinds of food. He places the raw meat besides the grill, following with the various side dishes all neatly surrounding the table. It’s so much food, something we definitely never did back then.

Once everything is settled, Yoongi grabs the tongs, pointing them at me.

“Make sure to eat a lot. It’s on us.”

JULY 10TH, 2023, 7:47PM

We’ve grown into a more comfortable banter as we all eat. Talking about celebrities they’ve met, encounters with fans in bathrooms, and something Namjoon wants to say to me.

He chews on the kimchi that sits in his mouth, covering it with his hand. “I mean it’s not that big of a deal, but now that you’re here I just wanted to tell you because it sort of is a big thing.”

“Go ahead Joon.” I assure him.

He swallows, “Well- uh. I’m bisexual. And I’m dating a guy. He’s cool.”

I widen my eyes. Definitely didn’t see that coming. I mean, kind of. He’s always been a very open-minded person, but I never heard him talk about any sort of crush. Besides that one time in a club, but I never assumed he was straight. Or anyone else, for that matter. I’m happy for him though. I know it must be hard for them to maintain relationships during all this chaos, but the dust has settled. And he seems happy, which is most important.

“Oh sweet.” I reply nonchalantly, hoping to not scare him away.

“That’s it? Sweet?” He chuckles, turning over the cooking bulgogi.

“Scratch that, I’m glad you found someone. That makes me happy you could do that in the midst of, you know everything that’s been going on for you. Where’d you meet?” I reply.

He sighs, “Mutual friends. It was hard to connect with other guys during the, you know, spotlight. I’m still not out obviously, but he’s really okay with it. We go to art galleries and dinners and such. It’s pretty serious.”

I grin as I sip my beer, “Is he as smart as you?”

“He tries to keep up.” Namjoon replies with a smirk.

Jimin perks his head up, “What about you Kanako? Anyone in your life?”

I gulp. It takes everything in me to not look at Yoongi. I hope the small beat after he asked the question isn’t obvious. I look down to my fish cake, “Not really.”

“Has there ever been? It’s been eleven years, you know.” He says. Ugh.

“You sound just like Keiko.” I mumble.

Namjoon tilts his head, “Are you and Keiko…”

I shake my head quickly, “No. Nope.” I respond to him, turning to Jimin. “Uh- some guys here and there but nothing ever serious. I’m pretty focused on my work. What about you, Jiminie?” I attempt to curb the conversation from myself. Trying to not make it obvious I’m hiding a deep, dirty secret that’s sitting across from me.

There’s an abrupt laughter that bounces off the table. I look around, confused. “What am I missing?” I say.

Jungkook laughs, “Jimin is the opposite of a monogamist.”

Jimin’s face washes over with an obvious scarlet, “I like to have fun, that’s all.”

I giggle and lean back in my seat, “Ahhh, I see.”

That was an unsurprising answer from him. And I’m sure with the fame there’s even more options for a guy like him. “Is it limited to just women?” I ask.

Jimin gasps, “Why does everyone ask that!”

Namjoon laughs hard, holding his stomach in the process. “Kanako is asking the real questions.” He chokes out whilst wiping tears from his eyes.

“But to answer your question, definitely not.” Jimin gives a cheeky look to me as he responds. It’s clear he’s growing more buzzed by the minute. I assume that night at the club sparked something in him. It’s fun, for now.

This news is all so raw to me but it’s so fluid. The aging only made the conversations better, more comfortable. There’s less hesitation and more openness. There’s still a silence in Yoongi’s corner, reminding me of how he was when I first met him. Shy. But the topic of conversation I know is something he doesn’t want to contribute to. Not after the awkward encounter I had with his supposed beau. His young, annoying beau.

“And you, Jungkook?” I ask.

Jimin pats the young boy on the arm, “Still afraid of women. But I think he was just having a hard time moving on from-”

“Shut up.” Jungkook is quick to quiet the tipsy man down. There is an obvious glow to Jimin’s cheeks as time passes, and I don’t remember how many glasses of beer he’s had if that tells you anything. His mouth is like a loose cannon. Things don’t feel great. The table turns quiet again. Something else I’m missing. Jimin shrugs.

“Let’s just say Yoongi isn’t the only one still hung up on you.” He mutters under his breath, taking a big gulp of his beer. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

“Jimin, really?” Namjoon looks at him in disbelief. Jungkook is also shocked, holding a hand up as if he’s stopped in his tracks. “I can’t believe you said that.” The young boy whispers.

Jimin tries to reach for Jungkook, slurring a small ‘I’msorry’ before Jungkook slides out of his seat to walk out of the room. Jimin follows the young boy in hopes to apologize. All I feel is second-hand embarrassment, confusion, and heaps of awkwardness. Yoongi sets down his chopsticks in a disappointed manner, exhaling loudly.

He looks at me for the second time today, “Don’t pay attention to him. He’s grown to be a messy drunk.” He says.

I nod and hang my head politely, not wanting to add fuel to the fire. But it might be too late for that, because before I can think I’m jolting my head back up in question.

“What did he mean, not the only one?” I ask, looking at the two men.

Namjoon bites his lip, “Not sure if that’s our place to say.”

But what does it mean? Is Yoongi still hung up on me? Is Jungkook? I didn’t think he ever felt that way towards me, he called me his sister for god's sake. Was it a cover-up? Did feelings develop over time? How did I not know? How did I not expect this? This gives everything a new meaning that I do not want.

I don’t want any of this. “I’m so sorry.” I whisper as I pick at my rice.

“It’s to be expected.” Yoongi responds, seriously.

His tone is indistinct which causes me to be a bit bewildered, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs apathetically, “Everything was…never concluded properly. You left things sort of a mess after you left.”

I scoff and cross my arms, blatantly offended. “A mess?”

Namjoon attempts to break up the rising tension, “Guys let’s not-”

But Yoongi has intentions. Everything is coming to the surface, I know it. I hear the words flow from Yoongi’s mouth like he’s rehearsed them. Like he’s always known what he was going to say, eleven years later.

“We loved you, and you left. You can’t expect us to not have feelings about it.”

We loved you. The same knife digs into me as I hear him.

“I’m not expecting anything. It’s just been-”

“Eleven years? Yeah, we know.” He laughs sarcastically. He always knows what I’m going to say next. In this moment I wish he knew nothing about me.

There’s a bubbling frustration within me that grows to its peak, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I loved you all too, okay?” My words begin to adhere to him, unbeknownst to me. It’s coming out. “I spent days and nights thinking about you. I wanted to come back, I wanted to call. But it would make- it would’ve made moving on so much harder.”

“Why did you want to?”

“Want to what?”

Namjoon places a hand on my shoulder to cool me down but I’m an unstoppable forest fire, trees and wildlife burning down in front of their eyes. They’ve watched me crumble so many times it’s almost unbelievable it’s happening all over again. Some things really don’t ever change.

“Move on, Kanako? Why!” Yoongi shouts.

I sit up from my seat, planting my hands on the table angrily, “Because I loved you! I had just started to and I knew I had to stop if I was ever going to heal! Don’t you get that? I was in an abusive relationship at eighteen years old, I didn’t even know half of the things that happened to me really did happen! I coped the best way I could, so fuck you for blaming eighteen year old me!” I breathe heavily after I finish. The bowl of rice has toppled over all over my feet but I’m too angry to notice. This is what I needed to say after all these years. This is my honest truth. I’ve freed myself of the guilt I’ve held for all these years.

Yoongi stays quiet, his gaze on mine as I stay above him. Namjoon looks at me too, aghast. I feel relieved but so big at the same time. Like a monster.

“Kanako…” Yoongi whispers. “I know, I-I’m sorry. That was…” His voice trails off.

I feel tears trickling down my face and wipe them quickly, slumping back down on the seat. Instead of running away, I stay. This time I will stay.

JULY 10TH, 2023, 9:00PM

Yoongi ended up paying for dinner, even with how much of a slight disaster it turned out to be. We ended up continuing talking, rather casually, after our argument. It was the best I could do without leaving again. I wanted to stay there and fix things. But it was better to ignore it.

Jungkook and Jimin stand outside, clearly done with a deep talk. Jungkook is smoking once again. I feel like I should say something about it, maybe even a joke. But I’m not sure if that’s my place anymore. Was it ever?

“Hey guys. Kanako. Sorry about that.” Jimin apologizes weakly. It’s obvious he’s sobered up a bit from the last time I saw him, but even under the street lights I can see he has a long way to go.

“Don’t worry about it.” I promise him. Jungkook throws down his cigarette like he’s done it a million times before. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks over to me, eyeing the sky. His familiar unwillingness for eye-contact is more obvious than ever.

“Hi Jungkook.” I say as he approaches me.

He looks over to the boys behind me, hesitant to speak. “I understand now. I can’t imagine at that age having to go through what you did.” He confesses. He pulls me in for a random but pleasant hug. His body is much more solid than I remember, not as easy to hold, but his scent has stayed the same. How is that even possible?

I accept the embrace and wrap my arms around him tightly, having to hold back tears. This feels so nice. I missed this. I wasted years longing for it again. There’s still an unanswered question of what exactly Jimin meant, but I let it slide. I let my mind clear completely to enjoy the present.

“I missed you so much Jungkook.” I muffle into his chest. My eyes water.

“Stay with me tonight. W-With us. Like old times.” He whispers as his head sits on top of mine.

My body is lit like a furnace. It’s comforting this time, not intense. They can read my mind so easily. I want to, I have to. For one night before they leave, I will.

“Okay.”

click here to read more of this story!

a/n: I know nothing about grown up jobs or how they work!!! keep that in mind dear god!!!

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glorious-blackout · 9 months

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Milex/TLSP/AM Fic Recs 💖

I was inspired by @puzzlebeanficrecs' recent posts to share some of my all-time favourite fics in this wonderful fandom. This is by no means an exhaustive list as the sheer number of amazing works I've read by incredible writers over the past couple of years is too many to count, but here are some fics that I keep going back to time and time again 🥰

1) Somewhere Darker by @elorianna

Alex hasn't slept properly for weeks. His days are plagued with writer's block, and his nights are haunted by strange and frightening dreams. Progress on the second Puppets album has all but ground to a halt.

Miles is haunted too, by the nights that he and Alex have shared, and the boundaries that they've crossed. Now, he's caught in a game of pretence which neither one of them seems destined to win.

But all is not as it appears, and when a working break away from LA turns into a strange misadventure, Alex and Miles must each decide where their real priorities lie, and how much they're willing to risk in order to attain their hearts' desires.

Will they find a way to repair their fragmented relationship? Or will they remain trapped in a nightmare from which neither one of them can ever wake up...?

One of my favourite fics ever and I cannot recommend the sequel 'Baby, He Can Find You' highly enough if you haven't read it yet!

2) All's Well That Ends Well (To End Up With You) by @yellowloid

Asking Miles to marry him is something Alex has been wanting to do for far too long now. After months of meticulous planning, the day has finally come ‒ and yes, maybe he's a bit nervous, but he's firm in his decision, and he can't wait to just get down on one knee and pop the question. Nothing ‒ nothing ‒ is going to get in his way.

The universe begs to differ.

This entire series is so beautifully written, but this particular fic owns my heart. Such a perfect balance between angst and warm fluff.

3) under these lights you look beautiful by @alexturne

Miles got completely lost in his voice. There was a faraway quality to it, like he belonged somewhere else entirely, but somehow had decided to grace them with his presence and Miles felt blessed to be near him if even for a short while. The subtle elegance hidden in his slender figure, the mannerisms of his fingers wrapped around the corners of his notebook. His words were spoken softly, quietly, but without any hesitation or faltering.

Alex is an elusive poet, who has a way with words and Miles is a bartender, who is completely mesmerized.

The queen of beautiful, heartfelt AUs! Every story of hers is like an escape into a warm hug, but this may be her magnum opus.

4) you cannot turn away (but nice try) by @kisameanslight

Alex Turner thought he got over the love of his life, but then they run into each other again a decade later. Whether they’ll be able to let the past go or not, only time will tell.

I have such fond memories of following this story as it came out and being kept on the edge of my seat with each new update. Her Vampire AU 'c'est horrifique!' is equally incredible 💖

5) The 'Amerlie' Series by @lanatural-books

Welcome to the universe of Amerlie.

All parts intertwine and should take you on an interesting adventure.

I can't begin to pick a favourite entry in this series so I'll simply recommend the whole thing. Such an exquisitely written, cosy love story between our favourite two idiots.

6) Joie de Vivre by @gasdancer

"Two young men decamp to rural France to make an album together. It ~is like love."

Possibly the best Baby Puppets fic/series ever written (and there's a lot of competition for that title). I have such a weakness for stories set in France during the recording of TAOTU so of course this series owns my heart.

7) Last night, what we talked about... by @rock-n-roll-fantasy

... it made so much sense... This little story came into being because of three obvious prerequisites: 1. Baby Monkeys were the cutest band in the world 2. Especially Baby Alex 3. Indie bands get drunk from time to time -> Conclusion: At least once, Baby Alex must have got too tipsy to walk back to the tourbus, so his equally tipsy friends had to take care of him. Further conclusion: It must have been very adorable :)

Not Milex, but just pure Baby Monkeys sweetness distilled into one adorably written fic. I'm in love 🥰

There are so many more fics that I love and wish I could mention but I'd probably be here all day. Feel free to add your own fic recs and share your favourite works in the fandom - I'd love to hear about them 💖

#I've somehow never done a dedicated fic rec post before so this feels long overdue #with all of these writers I can highly recommend everything they've ever posted - the stories in this list just happen to be my favourites #there are also many WIPs that are currently being shared by writers I love that will likely make their way into my list of faves -#- once I finally get the chance to read them!#miles kane #alex turner #the last shadow puppets #arctic monkeys #milex #milex fic #fic recs

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anotherclassicpretence · 1 year

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Another Star Wars: Rebels appreciation post incoming under the cut.

One thing about Rebels that people who scoff at it don't get is how it builds. The story-of-the-week format of S1 ultimately builds into a galaxy-spanning 6-episode arc that unites the themes of the past 4 seasons and is just so damn intense in the best way. It'd give you whiplash if you switched from S1 to S4. And yet it never devalues the silliness of the first season! The scope of the show takes us with it on a journey of how Rebels are created, how the characters' own perception of a Rebellion is formalised and evolves over time. And yes, that means seeing them embrace the darkness and difficult choices that come with a growing network whose goal far outstrips its resources. And yet, it comes together all the same- cell by cell, we see how the Spectres recruit and bring together people who join the Rebellion. At the end, as Kanan says, all paths come together- the subtle philosophy of the Force no longer remains separate from the battle on the ground. You need to see Ezra's entire growth to fully appreciate the staggering amount of effort that came into those final episodes.

I won't compare it to The Clone Wars, because that show had a certain constraint with respect to its characters and ending that Rebels didn't, but it does maintain a linearity of tone throughout- gathering darkness on a galaxy-wide scale. That is the story it tells, and it suits the format. But Rebels is about the slightest glimmer of hope shining through a darkness that descended over a decade ago, that seemed impenetrable; a glimmer that through its faith and courage slowly grew into a flame from which the phoenix of light could once again rise (yes, the phoenix was deliberate XD). Please give it a chance- besides, S1 literally is as much fun as you'll let it be.

As for it being childish, it honestly isn't. Not even the first few episodes. The theme of compromise, sacrifice, and forced passivity is there throughout. Just because it isn't present in the dialogue, doesn't mean it's absent. The terror of a slow occupation of Lothal, with the casual appropriation of land and evicting of citizens, is in fact a focus right from the start. And later, we have the central question of "what does being a Rebel really mean" becoming a central part of the show, and we get perspectives ranging from Saw's direct, unscrupulous view of it as a war, to Mon Mothma's cautious, conservative approach that wants to secure the long-term victory at the expense of short-term interests- and we see the Spectres, exposed to both of these, realise that neither is good enough on its own. They find their own answer, but it's not shown as the answer. It is simply that they played the role they were given as well as they could, while somehow maintaining their subjective moral compasses.

I don't even know why I made this post, just... please don't hate on this show without watching it. It introduces so many cool and thought-provoking concepts and its characters have so much heart! <3 (Obligatory "Hera Syndulla is the best- even her archrival agrees" addendum here). The different planets we see, from Mandalore to Geonosis, and of course the villains!! Thrawn is one of the most characters ever in SWR, and the wisely limited apprearance of Vader shows him as terrifying and darkly strategic as ever.

Also a major strength of it, for me, is that apart from a few glaring instances, it's avoided the "telling instead of showing" trap. Quite a bit is left for the audience to infer. You can watch it in any mood, honestly, and you'll have fun. Except the last few ones, uhhh you'll see what I mean.

#swr #star wars rebels #ezra bridger #kanan jarrus #hera syndulla #star wars

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whump-me · 4 months

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My Patreon is officially live!!

New whump writing is going up 2-3 times a week, with a focus on ongoing novel-length stories. Interrogation whump, spy whump, lab whump, sci-fi and fantasy elements, lots and lots of emotional whump… basically the same stuff I post here, but more of it.

There are three tiers available:

$3/month: Early access to everything that goes up here. The plan is to always have one story going, with new chapters being released 2-3x/week. Once the last chapter is released on Patreon, the first chapter will be released on Tumblr. For the average novel-length story, that means subscribers will be reading about two months ahead.

$5/month: Early access, plus side stories and bonus novels. Approximately twice as much whumpy writing as the previous tier. Stories released to this tier will be exclusive to Patreon for a minimum of one year.

$7/month: Cleanly-formatted downloadable copies of every completed story in epub and mobi format. (Epub is readable on most e-reading apps and readers, including Kindle. Mobi is a legacy Kindle format.) This is the easiest way to read if you prefer to wait until the story is complete, or if you like to reread.

And if you can't join the Patreon, or just don't want to? No worries! I'll still be posting loads of stuff here.

(Name note: for now, I'm publishing these stories on Patreon using the same name I've previously used to publish more traditional--read, less overtly whumpy--urban fantasy novels, while I decide whether to publish all my novels under the same name, or use that name exclusively for urban fantasy. These stories may be published under a different name in the future.)

Obscure, a Mind Games novel, is the first story I'm releasing to Patreon, and the first chapter is available there now. (You might remember the Mind Games setting from my Whumptober 2023 stories.) New chapters will come out 3x/week.

When Obscure is complete on Patreon (which will be in mid-March), I'll be posting it here on the same schedule: three chapters a week until it's done. (If you want to get on the taglist for when it's available here, let me know.)

The first Patreon bonus content--which will be the first half of Defect, another Mind Games story--will be posted at the beginning of February. (As with my Whumptober 2023 stories, these novels all stand entirely alone, sharing a setting but nothing else. They can be read in any order, and you don't need to read one to understand the others.)

Story descriptions under the cut:

Obscure

Forgetting is dangerous. Remembering is deadly.

Elias: the man sitting handcuffed in an interrogation room deep in a secret underground facility. On the surface, he looks harmless. But his mind is a weapon—he can erase memories with a thought.

Kirill: the man on the other side of the interrogation table. He has a weapon of his own—he can see inside other people’s memories. All he has to do is make them feel a strong enough emotion, and their minds are his. And no emotion works quite as well as fear.

Elias has worked for decades to save the Enhanced—people born with superhuman abilities—from being abducted and forced into black-ops work. Now his captors want the names of everyone who has ever helped him. If Kirill’s methods of persuasion don’t work, he’ll simply use Elias’s fear to slip into his mind and plunder his memories.

But he may get more than he bargained for.

Decades ago, Elias erased a set of memories that tie the two of them together in a way neither of them suspects. And those memories are about to come to light.

Obscure is part of the Mind Games universe, a series of standalone stories about ordinary humans with superhuman abilities and the people who want to use or destroy them. This novel is 65,000 words long, or about 200 pages.

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Defect

Their creators designed them to be the perfect weapons.

They forgot to make sure they could control their creations.

Sparrow’s explosive powers make her a living bomb. She spends her life locked away in a fireproof cell, brought out only when something needs to burn. But the longer you contain an explosion, the stronger it becomes.

All she knows is that she wanted to see the sky. Then came fire, and screaming, and death. Now she’s lost on unfamiliar city streets, hunted by her creators and the civilian authorities alike.

Mary went from being a failed experiment to a lab assistant prized for her intelligence and her perfect obedience. But after years without useful results, her lab is slated for shutdown. That means the dissection table for Mary. Unless she captures her creators’ rogue weapon and proves her lab holds the secret to controlling her power.

Mary offers Sparrow the thing she thought she could never have: freedom. Freedom from her creators, and from her own uncontrollable power.

It’s a lie.

Mary accepted long ago that there’s no such thing as freedom for people like them. There is only survival—and she’ll do whatever it takes to survive.

Defect is part of the Mind Games universe, a series of standalone stories about ordinary humans with superhuman abilities and the people who want to use or destroy them. This novella is 42,000 words long, or about 140 pages.

#my writing #my writing: Mind Games #my patreon #whump author boost

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qm-vox · 7 months

Text

An Absence of Absence

There's a Hole in the world.

It's not a big Hole, as Holes go, not if you look at it right. Oh, sure, in space it's huge, stretching all across a mountain range and its many valleys, crumbling borders yawning into the Mythic World, it's quite vast if you want to look at it. But really, honestly, the Hole is quite small. It's only about four years wide, maybe ten deep. A blink, honestly.

In this Hole lives a man who is much larger than the Hole is. He is a rotting man, a corpse-man, who wears overalls far too nice for him to be bleeding on them the way he does, and a straw hat. He has a new shepherd's crook, far larger than one might use for sheep, which he uses to herd the bears that live in the Hole. Every now and again he wanders over to one of the edges of the place, a few years that-a-way, and pushes a large number of bear-based products through a crack in the Hole for someone to find. Once he got a bomb back, which was one of the nicest things a stranger had ever given him. To his disappointment, but not his surprise, the bomb failed to kill him.

At this point you may well be wondering how it is that the rotting man is bigger than the Hole. How does he fit? It's a matter of perspective, you see. In time, the bear-herder is indeed far vaster than the Hole; hundreds, thousands of people are within him, and of him, and from him. Many of these people are divine, which makes them quite big indeed. One might think the rotting man would burst at the seams with their multitudes, but he does not. Still, all of those lifetimes are far, far bigger than a Hole only four years 'round and maybe ten deep, and that's just time. The space of them all! Why, the mountain should be positively flooded with the bear-herder, nevermind the valleys and the roads and the rivers!

But it's a matter of perspective. He looks at himself and sees one man, who is dead, and Creation - busy, distracted, flawed Creation, harrying about the very important business of being really real - never really thinks to look twice. The rotting man does not have to see himself as a dead man, but he prefers to. It is the closest he can come to the thing he wants most.

Or is that wanted? The man pauses in his observation of the bears, and frowns in thought. Then he shakes his head; he still does not have an answer. He is neither surprised not disappointed; this question is what he is in the Hole to consider, after all. He decides that tomorrow he will take the bears down into the valley, where they will chase gophers to their hearts' content, and be terribly silly the entire time.

Some time later, a Serpent visited the Hole. The Serpent had every right to be there; all Holes were of the Serpent's power, and yet it still felt like an imposition. This was not the Serpent's place; the Hole belonged to the rotting man.

"It's filling, you know," the Serpent said eventually, after entirely too much time spent praising the rotting man's various wounds and putrescences. "The Hole. It can't last forever."

The rotting man pondered this. "I do not see why it shouldn't," he answered. "An absence surely can last forever."

And the Serpent, laughing, asked: "Then where'd all this stuff come from?"

In the fullness of time the rotting man had paced the limits of the Hole, which was only four years 'round and maybe ten deep, and returned to its first day. As he did on each first day, he cleaned the blood from the empty altar, and he waited for his friend. She, like the Serpent, was of Holes. She had dug this Hole herself, in fact, and cunningly trapped her enemies and creators within it.

She said to the rotting man: "I could widen the Hole, you know. Give you more time with the bears. It's been decades, you've gotta be getting bored."

"Must I?" the man wondered. "I do not believe I have grown bored yet. But I appreciate your consideration."

They made soup and bread together, as they often did, and the bear-herder told her many tales of his herd. She, in her turn, told him of the great war outside of the Hole, and of her new family, and her new friends.

"There's been changes in the Court," she mused. "Makes no difference to me, yet, but it's...nice, to have the option."

The man pondered this for many days thereafter, while he carved a too-large shepherd's crook, and gathered his bears, that they might be taught how to be herded.

He could not get the Serpent's words from his mind. He counted his paces through the Hole and found, to his displeasure, that it was indeed getting smaller; already it was a mere three years, eleven months, and twenty-eight days 'round. At this rate he would be forced out entirely. This kindled a great rage in the bear-herder, and he lost an entire trip around the Hole to it, failing to herd his bears entirely while he smashed mountains to rubble and turned the rivers to blood.

His friend, on her next visit, said: "You seem upset."

And the rotting man said nothing.

The Hole dwindled, and shrunk, and his awareness of it made the rotting man irritated, at first, and then despairing. He had not answered his question, and time, time...

With the Hole diminished to a paltry three years and eight months 'round, and maybe a bit less then a decade deep, the rotting man broke down before his bears, and he cried black blood and vile poison into his hands, and his weeping could be heard through the mountains, down the valleys, and into the Mythic World. One of his bears, a brown-furred runt, sat down before him and regarded the rotting man, and she placed her heavy paw on his shoulder.

"For untold ages I have wanted only one thing," the rotting man whispers. "To fulfill my destiny; to once more be a dead thing, as I was meant to be, and know this world of sorrow no longer. Creation has tempted me with another gift, but soon I will be gone from this Hole, and I do not know if I wish to accept it."

And the bear said: "What is this gift, wise one?"

"To live, to be a part of this Creation and dwell in it, to laugh and love, to hate and to suffer. But it will cost me my great need, and without it...without it I do not know who I am."

The bear pondered this, and she said: "I do not understand, wise one. For if you cannot be yourself without your need, surely turning from it is death?"

And the rotting man said nothing.

There was a hole in the world, here, not long ago. It was a few years 'round, and maybe a few more deep. Now this is a soft place, a lacuna, where Creation is at its least creat'd. People come here by mistake, sometimes, and they rarely leave, for the soft places are like the dream of quicksand, and few know how to dream their way back out.

Inside is a man, of sorts. He is not rotting, and he is not whole. He is neither dead, nor alive. Perhaps, when he is done, he will not even be he, but for now the title will suffice.

He is shoveling the softness of this place into a Hole inside him, a Hole as wide as worlds and as deep as time, and the rest of the man around this Hole pushes, and pulls, and shapes at it.

He wonders what it will become, but he has no expectations, or surprises. It is known to him that a creat'd thing does not have the lion's share of the say in what it begins life as.

As for what it becomes...

#fanfic #nobilis

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amberskyyking · 24 days

Text

Brainworms got me. Tech lives and I have words about it.

***CONTAINS BBS3 FINALE SPOILERS***

Implications Of Being Alive

Chapter 2 - Serving Purpose (This Might Be Banthashit)

CX-2 raised an eyebrow. The thief threw and caught a piece of fruit in the air as he departed, an entirely useless maneuver, it accomplished nothing and was unlikely to serve as an adequate challenge to improve any of his skills. It would serve him better to consume it rather than play with it, given the obvious signs of malnutrition he displayed, from the slack in his cheekbones to his sunken eyes.

The adolescent female watched him go, turning to follow his retreat back into the mines, but the moment he vanished her head bowed in thought. CX-2 felt a tug of concern, which it shouldn’t - And it flinched as it remembered as much, bracing itself to receive punishment for its deviance -

But no punishment came. The scene felt frozen, the girls back to it, turning something over in her head. They had just experienced success, had they not? Humanoids were fickle, it was aware of this, but the idea of one being troubled at a time like this was curious.

If no electric shocks were coming now, there was nothing to stop him from discovering why and adding it to its databanks. Simply for reference, if it was ever questioned. CX-2 dropped its arms loosely at its side and approached.

“What is it?” It questioned.

“The empire’s not the only threat,” She said, her voice sounding smaller than usual… Perhaps even afraid. “We’ve seen so many in the galaxy like Mokko.”

The Empire is only a threat to those who oppose it, is what it should have said. Or perhaps, Resisting is the Empire is futile, insurgents will be eliminated. Yet neither of those perfectly acceptable responses were what came out of its mouth.

“Unfortunately, yes,” He found himself saying instead, staring down at the girl and her sad, trusting eyes. No, that couldn’t be right. It adjusted his goggles, he… He missed his goggles, he had engineered them himself, they had been perfectly tailored to his own specific needs, when had he lost them? Why hadn’t he built a new pair?

It turned back to the rest of his batch and something twinged in his heart again. The girl was looking for assurance from him and it wasn’t quite sure why, but it… he… had a purpose here, that much was obvious. He gave the others an appraising look and chose his words carefully. “However… There are many like us out there, as well.”

Hunter carried one of the last crates onto their ship. Wrecker held his returned tooka doll tenderly in his massive hands. Crosshair… CX-2 wasn’t sure where Crosshair was just now, though logic dictated that he must be nearby. He reached out to give Omega’s shoulder a squeeze.

“And that’s something,” Tech reassured her, and a soft smile settled on her face, filling him with warmth seconds before a monotone alarm yanked it rudely from its stasis.

CX-2 was being activated. It blinked its eyes open, pushed itself upright, and shook its head. For what little sense the fragmented memories made, it hardly seemed worth the effort to purge them from its system completely, not without the treatments he used to receive to assist with that matter. They would only return, they always did, and wasting energy battling them only served to weaken it in the field. Yet it still would be required to empty itself before receiving its directives, so it did so quickly.

The warmth left its body as it did, but it merely shivered once and stood. Delaying further for a small malfunction such as that would be unacceptable. It exited the single bunk domicile with its face blank beneath the helmet, traveling the same path through the same halls of the same star destroyer as it had been for a decade.

There were only two places CX-2 typically reported to anymore. The same lift would take it to either, but today, it was to report up to Colonel Bragg’s suite, rather than down, to the medical bay. It experienced a brief twinge of relief at that, and quickly corrected the feeling before proceeding. There was no point preoccupying itself with that. It would serve whatever purpose the Empire determined was most useful. That was all it existed for. Nothing more.

Reminding itself of that had increased in difficulty as it aged, but it managed. Such challenges were to be expected for organics, and the Empire had not yet seen it fit to replace its remaining organic parts with anything more sophisticated.

It stopped short of the doorway, alerting the Colonel of its presence through the key pad just outside, and awaited entry. Thirteen minutes and fifty one seconds later, the door whirred open.

“CX-2,” Colonel Bragg spoke in her signature clipped tone, barely looking up from her datapad. “A small fleet of Rebel forces have gathered on Terova. Our intel indicates they are using an outpost on the outskirts of the Capital for munitions transfers.”

She gestured for CX-2 to step closer, and it obliged, turning its back to her the way it knew she wanted so she could transfer the data directly rather than waste time on words or formalities. A second later it felt the expected small jolt of a data stick plugging into a space on its spine directly between the shoulder blades, and it resisted the urge to pinch its back at the sensation, as it always did. The intel flooded into its mind directly and scrolled before its eyes in its helmet.

“Find them, eliminate their leader and neutralize their operation,” Colonel Bragg said with a bored sounding sigh.

CX-2 squinted at the data. It’s eyes were getting worse. It would need to update the visual filters in its helmet to compensate for that particular degradation. From the looks of this, though, it would be performing this operation alone. Its lips formed the barest frown. Working alone was typically preferred, however, with three separate objectives…

“Is there a problem, CX-2?”

“There is not,” CX-2 said blandly, but it paused and considered. Even if the TK troopers were utterly incompetent, it had learned that they had their uses. Their confusing logic, unpredictable behavior patterns, and overall lack of skill could be weaponized as distractions or bait, which could be beneficial in this situation.

“Will I have a squad?” It asked before it could remember not to.

Colonel Bragg huffed behind it. “If a squad was necessary you would be given one already,” She said pointedly. “If this mission is beyond your capabilities then perhaps you have served your purpose.”

No, CX-2 didn’t feel that, it didn’t feel much of anything, but the cold from earlier briefly turned to ice at the statement nonetheless. It knew better. It wasn’t its place to question orders, it existed to accomplish objectives… Didn’t it?

It swallowed hard, refusing to acknowledge that at one point, it was nearly certain it had served a different purpose, completely ignoring the traitorous idea that his current one had the potential to be…

Banthashit, one of his “brothers” sneered derisively in his head.

“Good,” Colonel Bragg said, apparently taking its silence as compliance. “I’ll need a full report upon your return.”

The data stick was yanked from the back of its neck. It didn’t wince.

“Dismissed.”

CX-2 marched back out of the office without a single look back. It had a mission. The intel flickered through its mind as it walked and it easily divided its attention between navigating to the hangar and analyzing everything it knew about its targets to form a potential plan and identify exploitable weaknesses.

A minimum of five rebel pilots had been spotted, two identified. One, known in the database only as Cy, was a former Clone Trooper turned traitor, though his CT number was unknown. No matter. A traitor reg may as well be a dead reg. The other was its primary target, the young rebel identified as the leader of this particular effort, a female twi-lek named Hera Syndulla. There was a secondary warning attached in the file to neutralize her C1 unit quickly and with prejudice if it was encountered.

CX-2 would never underestimate a droid, though seeing that the last operative to encounter it had left its body count in the notes was moderately surprising.

In any case, it had been warned. It would fulfill the objectives or be terminated in the attempt. CX-2 slipped into the cockpit of its designated ship, engaged the engines, and piloted it free of the hanger, its mind engrossed in the details of the mission. Once given the all clear, it locked its coordinates, effortlessly executing a sharp swing turn with zero thruster pull to point towards Terova, and punched the hyperdrive.

The ship was encased in glimmering streaks of blue, but not before an excitable voice in the recesses of its mind mis-identified the move as a Tech Turn.

It… It wondered if Tech had liked that name.

FULL STORY HERE!

Chapter 1 HERE!

Chapter 2 HERE!

I’m mostly on A03 so hey. ❤️

#that man is still alive #tech lives #the loopholes are there and I’ll use them like a kriffing menace #no body no death #no face reveal no… I dunno #fix it #maliciously canon compliant #clone wars fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #the bad batch #starwarsficnetwork #cx 2 #the bad batch tech #the bad batch season 3 spoilers #the bad batch spoilers

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