#and it feels like it’s something he truly wants after developing a strong emotional bond with someone for the first time
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General relationship headcanons with Inui and Hakkai
requested
characters: inui seishu + hakkai shiba
genre: fluff
warnings: none
Inui
inui is someone who is very careful when it comes to expressing his feelings. he much prefers to keep a neutral stance whenever speaking to those he cares most about, simply because it helps him not develop too strong of a bond with the other person. he's afraid to follow the path of koko, so he's especially careful when it comes to love
so it came as quite the shock when you came into his life. no doubt, he found you attractive at first glance, but even after just a few words exchanged here and there, he had started to wonder - and, frankly, worry - why he wanted to continue listening to you, to get to know you better
as he started to connect the dots, he quickly recalled just how his friend would act with his sister. and it frightened him.
he was falling and he had nothing to grab onto, to stop himself from sinking into the one emotion he had been running away from - love
when you confessed, since he most definitely not put himself in that situation seeing as he was trying to control his growing affection towards you, he would be left absolutely stunned. of course, he reciprocated your words, but it would take him a few minutes to explain to you that he was scared of a relationship
but, don't worry. you understood him, and were willing to take things as slow as he needed. after all, there was no need to rush into everything all at once
give him a few weeks, let's say two. during this time, he would visit you much more often, hold your hand when he knew no prying eyes were around and, all around, start warming up to you. of course, he knew you well enough by that point, but it still took him a little to get used to the whole relationship status
he will, undoubtedly, come to koko whenever he had any doubts. he wants to improve himself for you, trying his best to become the partner you deserve. his friend may be not always be of the best help, but anything was better than nothing
once he has fallen into a comfortable state around you, you will quickly notice what he had been deprived of all these years. he turns into a very affection person whenever he's around you, mostly when you're either at his house or yours. expect to be followed around quietly by this softie
hugs from behind are his personal favourite. feeling you so close to him, your arms holding onto his as he bring you into his chest and rests his head on yours. it's very comforting for him, so expect him to do so quite often. he may be silent as he does so, but the way his heartbeat will slow down will be enough to tell you that he feels safe with you
play with his hair whenever the two of you are cuddling, trust me. your fingers running through his soft locks will be enough to send him off into a good, hour-long nap, no questions ask. he's a pretty deep sleeper, so you can tie his hair up into a bun. he will be oblivious to it all until he walks past a mirror upon waking up, groggy eyes fixating on the little mass of hair on the top of his head
one thing that will truly make his heart flutter is whenever you pepper his face with kisses. although he may not mention it, he's a little insecure about his scar. but this will quickly change when you tell him how all his features are absolutely beautiful, placing little, butterfly kisses on his soft skin as he lays on your lap, facing you from below
you truly are his source of comfort, of love. he won't brag about you, but by the way his lips would turn up into a smile when he knows he'll see you after a meeting is more than enough to let the other members of the gang know just how much he loves you
a closeted lover boy, let's say
he will, on occasions, turn up at your house during the late hours of the evening with a a flower or two he picked up on his way to your place, or even a box of your favourite snacks. anything that reminds him of you, really. and if you gift him something, you best believe he will treasure it as though his life depended on it
one thing that you hadn't expected from him was his liking towards taking pictures. he's always been fond of snapping pictures of sceneries here and there, and he just so happens to have one of these polaroid cameras
your wall - and his, for that matter - will be filled with selfies, random pictures of him you'd take and some of yourself that he'd keep on his bedside table. he deemed it a way to remind him of how much the two of you have been through and the importance you held in his life
of course, his phone wallpaper is a picture of the two of you when you went to a summer fair, where he most definitely didn't spend the best part of half his change on trying to win you a prize that had caught your eye
afterwards, you had insisted on trying to win him something too; however, he had assured you that there was no need, he was more than content with seeing you get a prize instead
inui will be very cautious when it comes to your involvement with anything related to the gang. if you happen to be also member, he will stick by your side just as much as he does with koko, and will not hesitate to throw himself into a dangerous situation if you were ever at a disadvantage
he's a little reckless when it comes to this. he acts without thinking when it comes to your safety, so more often than not, others will have to get involved if things get ugly. he may not look like much of a threat, but he will completely change his demeanour whenever those he loved were involved
he just can't afford to lose another person again. having found someone he could fully trust in, and show love to, he isn't about to let some punk take it all away from him. so he will put his own life on the line
but it's mutual, between the two of you. undoubtedly made for each other, it would take some doing from the enemy to actually knock one of you out. truly a couple that any gangster would wish for, that is an indisputable fact
Hakkai
the baby of the shibas. he may act all tough and strong when with toman, but it's a given fact that he has a very soft, vulnerable side. it's really what comes with such a conflictive childhood; but he will constantly try to put all of that behind him, building himself up to stand up to those who looked down upon him
this strategy of his, however, won't be very effective when he was introduced to you. a close friend of mitsuya's, he had thought the two of you might get along quite well. right off the bat, hakkai had to take a few seconds before actually coming to the decision of what to say to you upon first seeing you
he couldn't exactly tell you how attractive you were on the first day, now could he?
as the two of you would get to know you better - fulfilling mitsuya's expectations - he would start to notice that he looked forward to seeing you each time there was a meeting. this would lead to a timid suggestion of hanging out either before or after the next meeting, receiving a content response from your behalf
his crush will go anything but unnoticed by his sister. yuzuha will quickly notice how he would come home a little quiet, lost in his thoughts although not in a gloomy state. he actually seemed to be a little happier now
she would be the one to push him to confess to you, after having heard his considerably long rant about you that he accidentally came out with whilst he was talking to her. she was over the moon to hear that her little brother was finally crushing on someone, and would walk him through all the key points to not scare you off or come off as weird when he told you about his feelings
luckily enough, her strategies proved to be successful, and before he could even register it in his mind, hakkai had achieved a relationship with the one that had been flooding his thoughts for a good few months now
although he may not be entirely experienced in the whole dating area, he will be anything but shy when trying his best to be the perfect boyfriend. he may not show much pda, mainly because he still tries to upkeep his strong persona even around you, but his lingering will not go unnoticed by the other members. wherever you were, hakkai was never too behind
he just loves being around you, to be able to call you his partner. you're like a little - since this guy is ridiculously tall - beam of light that he wished he could keep by his side at all times. behind closed doors he will be much more affectionate, to the point you would actually wonder if this was the same person you would attend toman meetings with
being the soft giant he is, he absolutely loves engulfing you in his arms. spooning you, hugs from behind, laying you on his chest, you name it. he can be awfully cheesy at times, too, so expect to be showered with the most sappy comments ever. you're convinced he keeps a list of them.
"you wanna know what's the best thing in my life? it's the first word of this sentence"
"hakkai...you realise that just works better written down, right?"
definitely an avid enthusiast of making you think over why you were with him in the first place. of course, you loved him and everything that came with the youngest shiba, but sometimes you truly wondered where he got his personality from
speaking of family, meeting his siblings will be an experience in itself, to say the least. yuzuha will be ever so welcoming when you first went over to their house, offering you food and sitting you down to get to know you better. she knew you were a perfect match for her brother, and she's delighted to have you as a sister-in-law
now...taiju may be a little different. just by appearance, he's quite intimidating. you did know about him, but you had never actually spoken to him in the entirety of your life. hakkai will stand nearby when you eventually meet him, just in case something got out of hand.
however, surprisingly enough, the eldest sibling gave you a friendly pat on your shoulder, thanking you for finally giving his brother a chance at a relationship. the way it came off sounded like he believed hakkai to be almost unlovable, but you supposed it was pretty good coming from such a scary individual
needless to say, your boyfriend had a few things to murmur about when his brother left. you reassure him that it was alright, though. truthfully, you had expected it to go another way even
dates with hakkai will be quite an often occurrence. apart from his duties in toman, he doesn't have much to do. he attends online school, so as soon as he slaps his laptop closed, he's usually on his way over to your house. he will always take you out on a ride on his motorbike, around the busy city filled with people and commotion
you want to go out for lunch? he knows the best places. want to go shopping? the guy brought his wallet for a reason. he's such a sucker for you that he will drive across the city for even the smallest thing for you, he didn't mind. if it meant he could see that smile of yours, he's absolutely willing to do anything
he's also a perfect shopping partner. he hangs out with mitsuya a lot, so he's picked up on some knowledge on fashion and is more than happy to help you pick out outfits. he will always offer to carry your bags, too. truly the perfect boyfriend, wouldn't you agree?
just be sure to shower him in love and kisses once you get back home. he will happily receive each and every one with a wide smile, lifting you up into his arms as he tells you, once more, how much he loves you
some may say the two of you are too soft and sappy for a couple involved in the gangster world, but neither of you could care less. not everyone could say they fought alongside their partner that they would, afterwards, spend quality time with, no matter how bruised up you were
you always had a laugh after a fight with other gangs; both of you would always mock the rivals, saying how they never really stood a chance in the first place
the two of you are like a pair of old women when it came to judging people neither of you liked; if anyone happened to listen in, they would automatically think you were simply best friends by the way you would speak
needless to say, hakkai will be both an amazing boyfriend as much as a friend, and you can always count on him if you're ever in need of a mood booster, because he will rush over to your place as fast as he can
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers Inui#inui seishu#inui x reader#tokyo revengers hakkai#hakkai shiba#hakkai x reader#fluff#tokyo revengers scenarios
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Metanoia
↳ pairing: lee suho x reader
↳ synopsis: this is the sequel to philophobia. the world of red strings is one you haven’t been able to see for a long time, and now that you’ve found your unwilling soulmate, you have no interest in regaining that sight.
↳ warnings: language, angst, angst, and more angst, mentions of depression, mentions of death
— note: due to popular demand, here’s part two!
Something was wrong.
There wasn’t some pivotal event or action that made Suho conscious of the shift, he just knew. This premonition could’ve been assessed as an erroneous inkling that emanated from the vast rift between you two, but you hadn’t given any indication that the lack of recognition from your soulmate was the cause. In fact, you seemed perfectly content with disregarding Suho’s existence.
An entire month had gone by since you confronted him, and the entire situation had passed without further incident. Neither one of you had spoken since that ill-fated day.
However, it was impossible not to notice the drastic change in your character. The way you smiled was different in a way that seemed off, and there was also a certain enervation constantly embracing you. But the biggest difference was your lack of interest in just about anything. Suho might’ve thought it had everything to do with him, but again, there was no clear indication of that.
Nonetheless, ignoring you didn’t make him unaware of the unnamed sensation that had latched itself onto him since then.
It’s not like Suho wanted to notice the contrast in your behavior, but it was something he couldn’t help. Every time you came within a ten meter radius, his eyes would compulsively find their way over to you. Suho was always careful to not get caught staring, although it hardly mattered. It’s not like you looked in his general direction anymore. And even when you did happen to meet his gaze, it was for a fleeting moment that passed by so quickly that it couldn’t even be considered a full second.
Your uncharacteristic disposition made him worry. Not for you, but for him. Suho was deeply concerned that you might expose your shared secret in an abrupt moment of anger and hurt. That’s all it was. Nothing more, nothing less.
To his relief, that moment never came.
Even in the face of all the hurtful things he had said and done, you didn’t mention to Jugyeong that Suho was your soulmate. It was a development he hadn’t expected. Sure, you had told him, no, promised him that you would keep silent about the string that bounded you two together, but he was convinced that you could easily change your mind whenever you felt like it. You hadn’t.
Truthfully, your selfless act made him develop a fondness for you. Suho hadn’t expected you to be so understanding and considerate since it seemed like you were genuinely hurt that he didn’t care to acknowledge the bond between you two. That was the part he still couldn’t wrap his head around. You ignored the red string that tied you two together since the day you transferred without any qualm. Your actions convinced him that you wanted nothing to do with the soulmate bond, with him.
“What’s up with Y/N?” Taehoon wondered one day as he set his lunch tray beside Suho’s. “She isn’t looking so good these days.”
The rest of the group agreed.
“Maybe we did something to upset her.” Jugyeong said with a worried frown. Her pretty eyes drifted over to the lonely girl who was currently picking at her food. “She hasn’t wanted to hang out with us since we finished our exams.”
Suho let his own gaze fall over to you. It was true that you had kept your distance since before he officially asked Jugyeong out, but he didn’t think his girlfriend would care too much since you two weren’t that close to begin with. Seeing her so upset didn’t sit well with him.
Maybe he could convince you to start hanging out with Jugyeong and the rest of the group more often. Yes, that’s exactly what he would do. After all, doing him one more favor wouldn’t kill you.
Most people would say that you made a mistake for letting Suho go. Among those people would be your very own mother. You didn’t even want to think about what would happen if she came to find out that you gave up your soulmate without putting up a fight. It wasn’t something you were necessarily proud of, but you weren’t ashamed of your decision. Okay, so maybe refusing to acknowledge your other half wasn’t right or even sane, but you felt comfortable with your decision.
Well, that wasn’t exactly right.
The reality of your soulmate easily ignoring the string he could see was heart-wrenching. More often than not, seeing him and Jugyeong together would cause a stabbing pain in your chest. It would last no more than a second, but it was agonizing enough to have you regretting your righteous choice.
As time when on, the pain worsened and would prolong itself to the point where it became difficult to breathe. There were even instances where black dots would cloud your vision and had you feeling extremely lightheaded. Those times, however, were nothing compared to the occasions when you came close to fainting. Deep down you knew it was because there was a severe imbalance weaved in the depths of your bond.
But you couldn’t be bothered to truly acknowledge it.
Who needed a soulmate anyway?
There had always been an indescribable tension when you were around Suho. Before, you had wrote it off as nerves from being around someone who was as prickly as he was attractive. That was before you knew the truth, of course. You two had never been close, and after finding out that he was the one on the other end of your red string, you were sure you never would be.
Which is exactly why you couldn’t figure out the reason he suddenly came up to you while you were sitting outside on one of the lone benches. He didn’t hesitate to sit next to you, the action coming naturally like it was something he did everyday.
“Jugyeong says you haven’t hung out with her in a while.” Suho said in a slow drawl. “Is it because of me?”
You wished you could’ve scoffed and told him that the world didn’t revolve around him, but you couldn’t. Because even if the world didn’t, yours did.
“I haven’t been feeling well lately.”
It was the truth. Your chest pains were only getting worse as the days went on. It was hard enough to hide it from your mother, you didn’t need the pressure of also hiding it from your classmates.
Suho didn’t seem the least bit concerned for your not-so-well-being, and it had a familiar ache nipping at your heart. You longed to see his face change with even the tiniest bit of emotion. Just so you could feel, even for a fleeting moment, that the bond wasn’t one-sided. After seeing the indifference he looked at you with, you decided to look straight ahead to spare yourself any further heartache.
“Being alone won’t make you feel any better.”
It couldn’t make you feel any worse.
Suho frowned when he saw your unchanging expression. He could never get used to the blank nothingness of it. Not when your joyful expressions had once lit up an entire room.
“I thought you’d be happy that I’m staying away from Jugyeong.” You finally said, still unwilling to look at him.
It made him happier than he cared to admit, but it didn’t make her happy. The entire point of talking to you was to bring Jugyeong the same amount of happiness she’d brought him. If it meant having to swallow his pride and ask you for yet another favor, then so be it.
“She thinks she did something to upset you.” Suho explained. “So I came to ask you to start talking to her again—as a favor.”
His impassive attitude made you feel crestfallen. You knew he couldn’t care less about the bond, about you, but it still hurt to see that he didn’t care to spare your feelings at all. It took everything in you to respond in a strong, calm tone.
“And you’re okay with me talking to her again?”
“I’m fine as long as you stick to our agreement.”
You nodded slowly, pensively. If it would make Suho happy, then you would do it.
“Okay.”
That was his cue to leave, but he found himself unwilling to do so. Immediately, Suho assumed it was because your souls were intertwined with one another which, in turn, fueled the natural instinct to be close to you. That had to be it.
Suho cleared his throat and stood up. “I’ll see you around.”
Sitting across a psychiatrist was something you never thought you would have to do again. And yet, you found yourself sitting across from the infamous Dr. Kwon. The aforementioned doctor was known worldwide for his trailblazing research on the enigmatic soulmate bond. His fame soared when he revealed that he had successfully treated people who were rejected by their soulmates. For an entire year, it was all anyone could talk about.
And like a moth to a flame, your mother was quick to reach out to his office and make an appointment for a consultation. There was a five month waiting list for this, and now it was finally your turn to meet with the prestigious psychiatrist, much to your dismay.
“There’s no need to feel nervous,” he said kindly when he noticed your uncomfortable posture. “Anything you tell me will stay between the two of us.”
You had heard the same thing countless times, but the words always seemed disingenuous no matter who they came from. Even if Dr. Kwon had treated people who had soulmate problems, you were sure that he’d never met someone like you. His eyes were kind, but you didn’t know whether you could trust him. Plenty of the other specialists had also been kind at first until they realized that treating you like a lab rat would lead to a life of fame and fortune.
“Your mother tells me that you were unofficially diagnosed with philophobia. She believes the cause of your condition is due to the fact that you are unable to see your string of fate.”
You weren’t surprised that your mom had told him everything about you already. She had made the same mistake with all the other doctors and therapists. You could deny it, but you figured if you were to become a lab rat, you couldn’t be in better hands.
“She also mentioned that you haven’t been yourself lately.”
Shit. You hadn’t thought that your mom had caught onto your behavior. The simple thought of her finding out the secret you were desperately trying to keep hidden made your stomach twist with panic.
Your shrug was uncommitted as you fought to control your expression. “She’s thought that since I told her I couldn’t see my string anymore.”
Dr. Kwon hummed. “Your mother is convinced that a severe trauma led you to lose the sight of your string. Would you mind telling me about that?”
You clutched the sleeves of your uniform as a way of comfort. Talking about that was something you never wanted to do. Somehow, spending an entire year repeating the story to countless specialists never helped you get over it. Despite that, you knew your mother wouldn’t forgive you if you didn’t make the effort to “get better.”
“Around the time I turned eleven, I found out that my parents were getting a divorce.” You began. There was a harsh edge to your words that you couldn’t control. “They were soulmates, but my dad said that he didn’t love my mom anymore.”
Dr. Kwon nodded, encouraging you to go on.
“This one day, he decided to drive me to school instead of letting me take the bus. On the way there he told me about this woman he’d met like I’d actually be happy for him or something. I got so angry that I just– I just snapped.”
It was silent for a moment before you continued.
“I told him that I hated him. That I would never forgive him for hurting my mom.” You swallowed thickly. “That was the last thing I said to him before we got into a car accident. He died on the way to the hospital.”
You didn’t realize that the moisture in your eyes was dripping down your face until Dr. Kwon handed you a tissue. He didn’t say anything for a while, and it surprised you. Most of the specialists you had seen couldn’t keep their thoughts to themselves after hearing your story.
“It’s not your fault.” Dr. Kwon said. “You feel an extreme guilt, but you shouldn’t. We all say things we don’t mean, and parents know that better than anyone.”
His words were comforting, but his kind expression was marred when he started speaking like a doctor. You only half-listened to Dr. Kwon, not interested in his spiel about how making an attempt to picture your string might help. If only he knew that over the better part of your early adolescence, visualizing that stupid red string was all you did.
You hadn’t realized that your time with him was nearly over until he started writing on his clipboard. It made you feel relieved, in a way. But there was still one thing you needed. You couldn’t leave without asking him about the one thing that had been weighing on your mind.
“Doctor,” your voice was hesitant. “You’ve treated patients whose soulmates rejected the bond, right?”
“That’s right.”
“Has… Has anyone ever died from being rejected?”
Dr. Kwon shook his head. “Most of them complained about chronic chest pains, but they faded over time after they got used to being away from their soulmate.”
You swallowed thickly. That’s not what you were hoping to hear.
“So, if someone were to constantly be around the person who rejected them… it could be fatal?”
This time, you caught the subtle narrowing of his eyes. Shit. He was onto you. “Is there a reason you’re asking me this?”
“I’m just curious. You’re the only doctor who’s come close to figuring out the real effects of rejecting the bond.”
He didn’t seem convinced, but answered you anyway. “It’s possible, but I can’t be certain since I haven’t had a patient who was willing to be around their soulmate after being rejected.”
You nodded, not liking the ugly feeling in your chest.
“I’m willing to keep working with you.” He said, seemingly not interested in the motives behind your questions. “Hopefully, we can reverse your condition.”
“I have no intention of seeing the string again.”
Dr. Kwon was taken aback. “Y-You don’t? Why?”
Because I already found my soulmate and he loves someone else. The truth was on the tip of your tongue, but you knew you couldn’t tell him.
“I just don’t.”
The first time you went an entire day without experiencing the chest pains was the same day you spent an entire lunch period with Suho.
Since the back of the school was now tainted with horrible memories, you could no longer go back there to find solace. Now your new designated safe space was the school’s rooftop. You were content with listening to music and feeling the warm breeze on your skin. It was also extremely private, which meant that if you did experience the chest pains, no one would see.
Your eyes were closed in blissful peace when you suddenly felt a presence beside you. Unaccustomed to the sudden company, you jumped with shocked fear. Once you saw that it was Suho who was sitting next to you, your heart was racing for an entirely different reason. He hadn’t said much. Unexpectedly, he asked you what you were listening to.
That’s how you found out you shared the same taste in music.
The second time you went an entire day without feeling the chest pains was the day you stumbled on a crying Suho.
He was completely overcome with grief that he didn’t seem to care that he was in the middle of the hallway. You quietly took him to the roof where he collapsed on you. The way he clutched onto you reminded you of an inconsolable child—fearful and in need of comfort. You listened to him as he told you about his late friend and his battle with depression.
Your heart ached with every word he told you, but if countless hours of therapy had taught you anything it was that venting could do wonders for the soul. Eventually, his sobs turned into sniffles. He hadn’t let go of you and vice versa.
After that, Suho didn’t say anything and neither did you. Unbeknownst to the either of you, the connection between you two had gotten stronger. There was an inexplicable congruity between you now, one that allowed you to understand and empathize with each other’s feelings.
You two never mentioned it again, but something shifted after that day.
It had been a month since you last felt the scathing pain. Now it was only a tolerable discomfort that you grew used to. You and Suho weren’t close, he still had his girlfriend, but now there were these moments that you experienced every so often. Ones that seemed more intimate than any relationship you could ever have. Those times were the happiest you’d felt in years.
“Things are pretty serious between Suho and Jugyeong.” Soo-ah said when you two entered the lunch room. “He wants her to study abroad with him after graduation.”
This was news to you, and that familiar discomfort soon settled on the left side of your chest. In spite of knowing that nothing had changed, you still felt like a complete fool. How could you be so delusional? Suho had only been kind to you a handful of times, and you were sure it had only been out of pure instinct. It had been because the link between you two had pushed him to do it.
Suddenly, the discomfort grew into that familiar, unwelcome stabbing pain, one greater than all the others you had felt so far. You let out a loud cry, the high-pitched noise sounding horrifying even to your own ears. The dizziness never came this quickly, but now it was clouding your senses within seconds. It had you stumbling into Soo-ah, and you grabbed ahold of her sleeve to try to steady yourself. You could see her mouth moving, but her words were muted. Oh no.
The pounding in your head and the sharp pains in your chest came in waves. It didn’t take long for the dark spots to appear. Fuck.
The last thing you remembered was seeing Soo-ah and a gathering crowd above you before darkness overcame you.
“Y/N.”
The distant sound of your name being called was enough to have you slowly opening your eyes. Your vision was blurry and unfocused. All you could make out was being in a brightly lit place that had you wincing. Where were you?
In the next second, you felt a pair of arms wrap around you. The familiar scent of your mom’s perfume made you relax.
“How are you feeling?”
It was a man’s voice who asked the question, and you nearly choked on your own spit when you saw Dr. Kwon standing beside the hospital bed. His presence shocked you since you had only met him once and weren’t officially his patient. However, you managed to assure him that you felt fine.
For a second, you thought everything would be fine. After all, there was no technology that was capable of determining that your collapse was related to your fractured soulmate bond. That is, until Dr. Kwon decided to speak up.
“You’ve met your soulmate, haven’t you?”
It wasn’t really a question. Your panicked eyes fell over to your mom. The look she gave you had you wincing. Fuck.
“What!? Y/N—”
“Mom,” you said, panicked. “It’s not– I don’t—”
“I’ve spoken with the doctor who treated you. She said that there’s been an enormous strain on your heart.” His voice had an underlying hardness that tipped you off on the anger he was feeling. “That’s why you asked me about my patients the other day, isn’t it?”
You remained silent, and it gave him his answer.
“You know who your soulmate is. They rejected the bond, but you haven’t. That’s why your chest pains have gotten worse.”
Before you could try to refute any of his claims, your mother went crazy.
“Who is it!?” She yelled. “Tell me right now so I can tell him to stop hurting my daughter!”
You attempted to calm her down, but your attempt was in vain. There was no possible way to settle her emotions. Not when her worst fear had been realized. You tried to ease her mind by reassuring her that you would go away in order to receive treatment from Dr. Kwon, not realizing that Suho was standing outside the room and heard everything.
Dr. Kwon managed to calm your mother down and convinced her to take a walk with him. It was late in the evening now, and you felt extremely relieved to finally be left alone with your thoughts. You got all of two seconds of contemplation because in the next second, Suho pulled the door open and walked into your room.
He didn’t say anything at first, but his face was the picture of tortured. You furrowed your eyebrows, unable to understand why he seemed so distraught.
“You’re dying.” Suho’s voice trembled. “Because of me.”
The fact that he somehow found out went over your head. You wished you could say no. No it’s not because of you. But you couldn’t. Trying to reassure him would’ve been futile. He knew. You both did. The urge to cling onto the severed bond would be fatal if you didn’t get help. Despite knowing all that, you wished to ease his pain. You could’ve laughed at your own foolishness because right now it was you who was laying in the hospital bed.
“I won’t die.” You told him feebly. “I’ll leave. Once I get used to being away from you, I’ll be okay. We can both live normal lives.”
Suho wanted to tell you that he didn’t want you to leave. That his life hadn’t ever been normal, and he was fine with that as long as you could be part of it.
“You didn’t reject the bond. Why?”
You looked up at the white ceiling. The tears were pooling in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. There was no point in hiding it anymore. Not when you were hospitalized because of him.
“I can’t see my string.”
Your confession hung in the air like a dark cloud. It was silent before you decided to continue with your revelation.
“I haven’t been able to see it since I was thirteen.” You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. “That’s why I didn’t acknowledge you when we first saw each other. I didn’t know.”
The candor of your words had Suho staggering back. It felt like someone shoved a blade straight through his heart. Finally, everything made sense. It’s not that you weren’t interested in your soulmate, it’s that you hadn’t known he was right in front of you. He couldn’t stop the tears from gathering in his eyes. What had he done?
“I’ve always wanted to meet my soulmate.” You confessed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Even after I found out that it was you and you didn’t feel the same way, I never wished that I hadn’t met you. I never wished that the bond didn’t exist.”
You knew he couldn’t say the same since the evidence of just how much he didn’t want the bond was displayed in your current physical state.
“You should leave,” you told him even though the words pained you greatly. “My mom will get suspicious if she sees you.”
Only a small piece of your heart broke when he listened to you.
When Jugyeong and Suho broke up, it was the talk of the entire school. You yourself couldn’t make sense of the sudden separation, but you told yourself that it didn’t matter because it wasn’t any of your business.
You only said goodbye to a handful of people when the last day at Saebom High came around. Your short stay at the school didn’t give you an opportunity to make many friends, and it’s not like you truly wanted to remember your experience at the school.
Before you could walk through the front gates toward your new life, you were stopped by the sound of your name being called.
“Y/N!”
You turned, feeling your eyes widen when you were suddenly wrapped up in your soulmate’s warm embrace. His sudden change in attitude shocked you so much that you weren’t sure how to react.
“Don’t leave me. Please.”
For the first time since you’d met Suho, you felt no need to placate him. After everything that happened, you couldn’t go back on the promise you made to your mother. You needed to get better. Not for Suho, but for yourself.
“I’m sorry.” You were sincere. “This time, I’m leaving you behind.”
He pulled back. The pain in his eyes was another strike to your chest, but you knew you couldn’t give in.
“Goodbye, Lee Suho.”
#lee suho x reader#true beauty fanfic#suho x reader#true beauty imagine#lee suho imagine#cha eunwoo#true beauty tvn#astro#astro imagines#astro fanfic#cha eunwoo imagine#cha eunwoo x reader#true beauty
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some meta about Izuku, Katsuki, and trust
and choosing to trust is the real bridge that goes to accepting that person as a part of your live again and what the offender has to earn. I think the interesting aspect of Deku and Bakugou's relationship is that Deku has always trusted Bakugou, and I would say more than he had forgiven him at the start of the story (where he does show more frustration and resentment towards Bakugou's behaviour and see him as a jerk) but despite that he can always trust Bakugou to him himself, attested to
the fact that Deku feels very confident about how Bakugou will act or what Bakugou's true motives are and probably the reason why he always sees Bakugou as a hero despite his hurtful behaviour is because Deku 100% trusts Bakugou even if he's doing something disagreeable or that will hurt him. Knowing someone and trusting is not exactly the same and I see it as trust because of Deku willingness to be co-operative. On Bakugou's side he is mistrustful of Deku and thats where the communication
breaks down and there has been plenty of meta exploring why Bakugou has deep rooted problems around Deku and his journey is him taking accountability of that and changing to be a better person. While understanding and miscommunication get their fair due I think trust and mistrust are the true bedrocks of the bkdk river bed because that allows for how they can still be so connected despite the miscommunication (with Bakugou mistrust is mixed with some trust) because of knowing.
anon I really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I concur with just about all of this, and this ask got me thinking a lot about the nature of trust, and how it applies to Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship.
I think a lot of people’s reactions to reading the sentence “Bakugou and Deku have always trusted each other” would pretty much be, “???” and “lol what.” like, yeah, sure. they trusted each other so much that Bakugou decided that throwing a tantrum for ten years would be an appropriate reaction to Deku trying to hold his hand. classic Trust, right there!!
lol but I honestly think this is true, though. it’s just that there are different... levels?? types?? of trust. let’s go with types. there are different types of trust, and what makes Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship so interesting to me is that it’s kind of the opposite of what these fictional rival-type relationships usually are. it’s basically the difference between knowing, and understanding.
okay so first of all let’s back up here to make sure we’re all on the same page. we’re defining trust as “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone”, which is the Oxford Language definition and which works pretty well for me. you’ll note, btw, that the current relationship between Katsuki and Izuku more or less meets all four of these criteria.
reliability - both boys regard each other as dependable and are willing to rely on each other in a pinch (although Izuku is currently having some difficulty with that, but that’s another topic for another day).
truth - both are honest with each other, though not completely honest (this is the aspect that Katsuki still needs to work on, as he’s currently hiding his desire to atone).
ability - neither of them have any difficulty with this. Izuku admires Katsuki’s ability so much that he’s made it his own gold standard since childhood, and Katsuki respects Izuku’s ability enough that he made him his main rival, and never doubted that Izuku was qualified to receive OFA and become All Might’s heir.
strength - as with ability, this is another aspect of trust that neither of them has ever struggled with. in fact, a lot of their relationship struggles happened specifically because Katsuki never doubted Izuku’s strength, but feared it because he didn’t understand it.
so yeah. there’s a lot more trust between them than most people realize, I think. but the thing is that the type of trust they have is based more on knowing than understanding, and that’s where so much of their conflict stems from.
when I say knowing, I’m talking about the kind of awareness that comes from familiarity and experience. this is the type of trust that’s difficult to take shortcuts with, because it mostly just has to be accumulated over time. this is all about learning what someone is like through observing them and being around them. and it’s just as much about being known as well, because at the same time that you’re learning who the other person is, they’re learning about who you are. and that’s where trust starts to work its way in. it’s the slow unveiling of who you are, and laying it on the table piece by piece over time. and every time another little piece of you is revealed and accepted, and every time you accept one more piece of who the other person is in turn, that trust increases a little bit more. this type of trust takes a long, long time to build up, but in exchange the foundation it creates is pretty much rock-solid and nigh-indestructible.
understanding, on the other hand, to me is more instinctual. it’s about empathy and insight. and the interesting thing is that it’s possible to know someone for years upon years, and yet never truly understand them. and on the flip side, it’s also possible to understand someone within minutes of meeting them, even if you know almost nothing about them. if “knowing” is about learning who someone is, I would say that “understanding” is about learning why they are who they are. this type of trust isn’t necessarily always mutual, but it does necessitate forming a connection with someone. because empathy is such a critical component of it, it’s basically impossible to understand someone and not form an emotional connection to them in some way. this type of trust can be far more powerful and intense than the “knowing” type of trust, but the flip side is that it can sometimes be less stable and easier to break.
I think that the majority of fictional relationships, especially the ones that become really popular ships, are based more around the latter type of trust because of its intensity and unpredictability and potential for story development. the thing is, both of these types of trust are necessary for a good ship (and when I say “ship”, I’m talking about both romantic and platonic relationships just fyi). if neither type of trust is present on at least some level, then there’s really no foundation to start building up the relationship. so most of the time a ship will start out with one or the other, and then over the course of the story they'll work on building up whichever one was lacking.
and because of how stories work, the majority of the time we’re going to be dealing with characters who at first don’t know each other all that well. and so the relationships we get are ones where the characters first form some kind of emotional connection that builds understanding, and then over time they start to learn more about each other and build up that kind of trust as well. I feel like 90% of ships have this kind of dynamic. it’s the basis for things like enemies-to-lovers, fake dating AUs, and basically any kind of trope in which the characters get stuck somewhere and are forced to spend a lot of time together. it’s good, and it works.
but the fascinating thing about the relationship between Izuku and Katsuki, though, is that it’s actually the exact opposite of this. the premise of Izuku and Katsuki's story is that these are two people who’ve known each other their entire lives, but have almost no understanding of each other whatsoever. they know almost every little detail about each other, so much that they hardly even think about it. but all of their conflict is based on the fact that understanding between them is basically nonexistent.
and to me this is such an intriguing dynamic. the two of them know each other like the back of their hand. they’re familiar with the smallest habits. they can predict each other’s actions. they know how the other person thinks. and they have the kind of trust that comes with having seen the other at both their best and their worst. Katsuki is capable of letting his guard down around Izuku in a way he doesn’t do around anyone else. he cries in front of him on multiple occasions. he lets Izuku call him “Kacchan” long after their other childhood friends have stopped doing so. and even though he fears and resents Izuku’s strength early on, he also subconsciously acknowledges it in ways that even he doesn’t realize (e.g. “don’t you dare get into U.A.,” rather than “you can’t get in” or “you won’t get in”). he knows Izuku.
but he doesn’t understand Izuku. he knows who he is, but he doesn’t understand why. he knows that Izuku is strong, but he can't wrap his head around the nature of that strength. and because he lacks that understanding, this vital aspect of the trust between them is lacking, and is all too easily broken when Katsuki falls into the creek and Izuku tries to offer his help. Katsuki knows that Izuku is a good person, but he doesn’t understand that goodness, that selflessness, and so he’s mistrustful of it.
on the flip side of the coin, however, Izuku has the utmost faith in Katsuki. to him, Katsuki is the strongest, smartest, most capable and most amazing person in the world (aside from All Might). and Izuku, unlike Katsuki, actually does understand his childhood friend at least a little bit. he understands Katsuki’s reasons for wanting to be a hero. he understands that Katsuki is not just mindlessly pursuing strength. he understands that Katsuki’s motivation is about overcoming obstacles and beating challenges. and most importantly, he understands that Katsuki, in spite of everything he’s said and done to Izuku over the years, is fundamentally a good person.
and this is crucial. because, along with the bond of familiarity they’ve built up together over the years, it’s this other, one-sided bond of understanding that is responsible for their relationship enduring for as long as it did despite everything. as you put it, anon, Izuku’s trust is ultimately what becomes the bridge between them. on some level, he trusts in Katsuki’s innate goodness. he believes in it in spite of all of Katsuki’s attempts to persuade him otherwise. e.g. when Katsuki suggests that he go jump off the roof, Izuku is hurt by the words, but he never once takes them to heart, because he knows on some instinctive level that Katsuki doesn’t mean them. and so he grumbles to himself about Katsuki needing to think before he speaks, but aside from that he never gives the words another thought.
Katsuki would no doubt consider this yet another example of Izuku not caring enough about himself or taking himself into account. but it really is more than that. the reason the words don’t cut deep in spite of them being vicious and well-targeted is simply because Izuku knows that Katsuki isn't truly that cruel. and he knows that on a level so deep that Katsuki is never able to break it despite his best efforts. he can’t break it, because there’s nothing to break, because it’s true. the reason the relationship endures in spite of everything is because deep down Katsuki is fundamentally a good person, and so Izuku’s trust, in the end, is based on truth. and so it never fully breaks, and eventually, it becomes reciprocated.
and that’s what their story is all about. it’s two people that have known each other their entire lives, but have to work in order to build their understanding of each other. unlike many ships, they start off already having that foundation of knowing and being known, and so their story instead is about forging that connection of empathy and insight. and it doesn’t come easily to them at all. but they keep at it.
anyway, so thank you again for sharing your thoughts on this, anon. I didn’t even get into the topic of forgiveness, but I agree with you about it being a process of letting go of negative feelings and resentment. I also agree that forgiveness is a separate thing from trust, but I do think trust plays a big part in one’s decision to forgive or not forgive. it's a lot easier to forgive if you have an understanding of the other person’s actions. and it’s also far, far easier to forgive if the offender’s actions are long in the past. and because the latter is now true in Katsuki’s case, that shows a pattern of him learning from his mistakes and not repeating them. which further builds trust, especially in the “reliability” department. and so even though forgiveness and trust are two separate things, they’re still connected. and in many ways, by working to rebuild the understanding between him and Izuku, Katsuki is also working towards earning Izuku’s forgiveness, even though that’s ultimately something that can never truly be earned, but can only be granted.
I’m not sure if I’m really making my point very clear here lol, but basically what I’m trying to say is that while the relationship may have once been one-sided in this aspect, it’s not anymore. it’s mutual, and they’re both putting the work in. and Katsuki is also doing his part without any guarantee or expectation of forgiveness on Izuku’s end. it’s unconditional. he’s doing it because he wants to atone. and he’ll continue to do it whether he’s forgiven or not. and that’s important. it’s important because it shows that the relationship has value to both of them. and it’s important because neither of them wants to lose it. they want to fix it; they want to make it stronger.
and ultimately what that means is that the relationship will continue to endure, despite their ups and downs. because even though it may have started out as something incidental -- two boys who just happened to become friends because they spent a lot of time together as children -- it’s not, anymore. it’s no longer just something that happened, something that just accidentally came together. it’s something that they’re both working to build. they want to trust each other. they want to understand one another. their relationship is no longer something that simply withstood and persisted -- it’s something that is now being nurtured. and you love to see it.
so let's see, how do I even begin to tl;dr this post lol. something something blah blah blah trust, understanding, childhood friends, knowing someone, having faith in someone, being the recipient of that faith, and working to become worthy of it. they're very confused, but they care about each other a lot, and they are good boys.
#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#bakudeku#bnha meta#bakugou meta#deku meta#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#asks#anon asks
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The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 1)
A/N: This is the first Volturi- and Twilight-related story I ever started writing and it is quite long and elaborated/complex, as I tend to overanalyze in many parts. I have wrote a few parts until now and I'll be uploading them in the future. I have been quite emotional throughout writing it, trying to understand the reader's point of view.
A/N 2: I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense. English is not my first language. I also include Italian through the story, with translation, but I'm not a native or a speaker, so I'd like to apologize in advance to those who speak Italian. Enjoy :)
A/N 3: According to "The Amagi" on Youtube, Felix was born in 250 BC (their thumbnail), so I used that in my story.
No of Words: about 5347
Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft
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My heart felt heavy. I may have just escaped the cruelest vampire of all, but I also ran away from the love of my life, my mate, the only person who could fully understand me in this world. I asked him to run away with me, but, although our bond was strong, he felt obliged to stay loyal to his master, his creator. I drove as fast as I could, away from the sunny Volterra, and away from him.
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(Y/N) grew up quite privileged, in Vampire terms. Being born into the Volturi coven was something many vampires could only dream about. (Y/N) was abandoned by her parents when she was a baby, but Aro, one of the three Volturi leaders, took her under his protection, and offered her more things than she could ever have imagined. After all, she was his only biological granddaughter, the “Volturi princess”, an heiress to the throne; her mother lost that “privilege” when she met and fell in love with a wizard.
(Y/N)’s mother soon got pregnant with her, and then later turned her husband into a vampire to help her with her pregnancy, and stay together forever. However, (Y/N)’s parents couldn’t raise her because they wanted to run free and careless, not commit to anything permanent, so Aro took over and raised his granddaughter with the highest honors and privileges, “as a princess should be raised”.
(Y/N) was a mix of Vampire, Witch and Human, due to the grandmother, Sulpicia, being human when Aro found her; Sulpicia later fell pregnant with (Y/N)’s mother, and Aro transformed her to vampire, as he had planned all along. Aro raised (Y/N) according to his own rules and morals, teaching her how to kill humans to feed from, how to attack and slip away from her opponents, how to lead other vampires, and most importantly, how to keep her identity and existence a secret, not only to humans, but other non-Volturi vampires as well. No one could know that there was a possibility of a vampire having a child with a human, and that the child could be effectively controlled and raised as a regular vampire.
As (Y/N) grew older and older, reaching the human age of 25 within 7 years of her birth, Aro would spend more and more time with her, examining and studying her possibilities and her potential powers’ development. (Y/N) grew up to be extremely strong and fast, an excellent tracker with great intelligence and understanding of the world around her. However, Aro could not risk sending her to “Volturi duties”. She was his hope for a stronger coven; with (Y/N) in the throne, Aro felt like he could conquer the vampire world with ease.
That’s why he was always searching for the best guards he could find, to protect the coven and do his work instead of himself, Caius, or (Y/N). He couldn’t rely on Marcus, as he proved to be too emotional since Didyme died, but was still valuable for his plan. Caius, on the other hand, although powerless, was far more sadistic and “diligent” in following vampire rules, and (Y/N)... (Y/N) was just too obedient, following every order Aro gave her - a strong asset for the Volturi.
Aro was changing guards and trackers quite easily, disposing them when they were no longer needed or when he found better ones. He needed talented and strong vampires to serve the coven and do their work.
Chelsea was the very first vampire Aro created solely to serve the Volturi, after recognizing her potential when she was human. Chelsea’s gift of relationship manipulation was truly useful in bringing new vampires into the coven and was used thousands of times during Volturi's reign. It could also easily dispose of them, making their bonds with other vampires break at will; those vampires were isolated by the other vampires and then killed - Aro couldn’t risk letting them get away knowing the Volturi’s secrets and life.
About 100 years later, Corin joined the Volturi, just a couple decades after (Y/N)’s birth. Corin’s gift of addictive contentment was the one which kept Marcus in the Volturi after Didyme’s death - along with Chelsea’s to make him committed to Aro’s greater plans, and was also used on Sulpicia, Athenadora and any other vampire in the Volturi guard to keep them satisfied being in the Volturi. Under Aro’s instructions, Corin was keeping Chelsea content with being in the Volturi, and Chelsea was keeping Corin loyal to them, each of them using their gifts against each other, without their knowledge.
Sometime between 230 and 220 BC, while travelling in Rome, searching for additional vampires to add to the coven, Aro supposedly met a young, strong and ambitious fighter, who wished to become a gladiator one day, named Felix. Felix did not only look, but also was physically capable of fighting even with beasts, during his short time as a fighter, way before the Colosseum was built. Born into a poor family, his strength was his only way of making money, and becoming a gladiator was his only way out of poverty, a way to provide for both his family and himself.
When his family was almost imprisoned by Roman army officers for outstanding debts, Felix was forced to make a deal with them to fight, in whatever they ordered him to. Fighting turned out to be the only way for Felix to deal with his emotions and rage towards people in power. When Aro approached Felix, he was promised a good life, where he wouldn’t have to worry about surviving another day. Felix did not seem willing enough, not being fond of the idea of serving people in power, who he so despised.
Luckily for Aro, Chelsea was the one who “convinced” Felix to join the Volturi guard, with Aro changing him afterwards. Unlike previous guards, Felix showed impeccable strength, speed and talent towards both dodging and initiating attacks, eventually making him a permanent member in the Volturi Guard, along with Chelsea and Corin.
Felix was assigned as the leading guard for the three kings’ protection, this role extending to the protection of their two wives and (Y/N); though Aro knew that, if it came to anyone attacking his granddaughter, she would be able to handle it by herself. However, he still wanted to make sure that she was safe and that Aro would do anything to protect her.
For about a couple millennias, (Y/N) was content with her situation, being the “Volturi princess” and all that. Besides, having Felix in the Volturi was another reason to stay in the coven, apart from staying loyal and true to Aro for taking her in, when she was abandoned.
Every time Felix looked into her eyes, she felt her whole body burn - though, it wasn’t a feeling of suffering, rather a feeling of longing, waiting for something to happen so badly that her body couldn’t control itself. Although she was partially a vampire, (Y/N) would feel like she couldn’t breathe, like her legs were ready to give up on her, like she wanted to grab Felix and never let go.
Felix, although not admitting it even to himself, would feel the same way, but he knew that his position would not allow him to approach (Y/N) in such a way. He was just a guard - although he was the strongest of them all, and she was the Volturi princess, one of his masters, whom he was only allowed to approach in order to protect. He didn’t want Aro to know he saw his granddaughter like that; it could cost him his position in the guard, or even his life. So, he kept these feelings deep within him, not allowing them to resurface, or act upon them.
However, every time these two existed at the same place, the invisible sparks between them would fly left and right. And only one vampire was able to see them. One who hadn’t felt these sparks in centuries.
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(Y/N)’s POV:
I yawned loudly as I woke from a long, much needed sleep. I was the only vampire around who was able to sleep, mostly due to my non-vampire natures. I didn't really need to sleep on a regular basis, but when I did, I could literally sleep 3 days straight and nobody would be able to wake me up. “For my own protection”, as Aro said, I would always have at least two guards outside of my room’s door, in case anything happened while I was sleeping. Like what could even happen? My room was at the furthest side of this huge castle. I’m pretty sure that if there ever was an attack against the Volturi, it would most probably have been dealt with immediately, and the attacker wouldn’t make it anywhere near my room.
I felt the warm sun on my skin, slightly glowing and sparkling beautifully. My eyes, mostly (Y/E/C) with a golden ring around the pupil, could easily adjust to the light. Unlike the other vampires, I could easily live among humans; I could sleep, eat human food, my skin not being as sparkly as others, and I could control my thirst far better than others.
Since Jane and Alec joined the coven, Aro would show an immense interest in them and their skills, helping them train daily and develop their powers further, eventually forgetting about me. I would spend more and more days away from the castle, “protected” by my anonymity, getting to know humans more and more. The longer I was observing them, the more they would trigger my interest in them. They could feel true emotions, real pain, real hurt, real love. They had their families, they received an unconditional love that I could never have.
Unbeknownst to Aro or anyone else for that matter, I have started developing new powers, similar to the other vampires in the Volturi coven or anyone else outside of it. I have also started noticing that I may have an immunity towards others’ talents, feeling that neither Corin’s addictive contentment made me satisfied with being in the Volturi, nor Chelsea’s relationship manipulation could keep me loyal to Aro anymore. If it weren’t for Felix, or Demetri and the Twins, who have all become my best friends by now, I would have probably left.
A vampire named Carlisle Cullen had visited the Volturi and stayed with us for a while, about 100 years ago. He saw the way the Volturi treated humans like they were nothing, and how they were as cruel as to kill other vampires, with the excuse that they were exposing our kind with the way they lived. Entire covens had been wiped out due to such excuses, a way to eliminate potential enemies from becoming too powerful and find as many talented vampires as possible and force them to join the Volturi.
Carlisle was talking about a new way of life, where vampires wouldn’t have to kill humans to survive, a life where vampires and humans could live in peace, without harming each other. He was insisting that vampires could survive on animal blood just as efficiently as with human blood; that animal blood would not make them weaker, and that it would be a much more ethical and sustainable way to feed.
Of course, Aro and Caius were the first ones to mock his proposition, clearly not caring about humans’ feelings and pain. Marcus did not budge at all, his heartache making him indifferent to anything around him. But I was growing more and more interested in this alternative way of life; I was, after all, feeding on human food already, so that I was feeding on human blood as little as I could.
It was a few years after Carlisle left Volterra that Eleazar joined the Volturi. Aro forced him to join after finding out he could detect if someone had any special ability. Aro considered his gift useful in identifying if any of his enemies had any special power when in battles, or when he sent Eleazar around the world to recruit talented vampires.
Eleazar was clearly not liking the way the Volturi forced their ways and wants on others, and how they could take advantage of others for their own benefit. I could just sense that he was displeased and was forcing himself to stay in the coven, one, due to Corin’s and Chelsea’s gifts, and two, out of fear of what could happen to him and his mate, Carmen.
Carmen, a vampire from Spain, like Eleazar, met with Eleazar while he was a guard here, they fell in love, and eventually, Eleazar decided to leave the Volturi and run away with Carmen. Aro decided that he did not care about him and his gift as much as others’, so he let him go unharmed, “blessing” them for safe travels.
Just a few days before he left, I consulted him on my own powers. Though a lower member of the guard, Eleazar had his own room, a decent place to stay, and spend his endless hours in. I knocked slightly on the door.
“Come in”, a calm voice was heard. I opened the door and came into his room. Carmen was sitting on the edge of their bed and Eleazar was reading a book on his desk. They both smiled sweetly. I just felt and knew they were too nice to fit anywhere in here, among the cruel and strict Volturi.
“(Y/N)! So nice to see you!”Carmen exclaimed and stood to hug me. The second we hugged I started seeing parts of her life in Spain, the calm waters of Catalunya, the vast vineyards where she would spend the early years of her life… I quickly detached myself from her embrace. I just couldn’t invade her privacy like that. She and Eleazar both looked at me worried, as if I had offended them.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t let you “show” me your whole life like that!” I looked at Carmen apologetically.
“(Y/N), you saw Carmen’s life?” Eleazar continued, intrigued by my words.
“That’s why I came to talk to you. I..I feel like I’ve been developing a gift, or a few gifts, to be completely honest. And I feel like.. like I have a specific power one day, and another power the next!” I stated frantically.
It was the first time I have openly talked about my powers to anyone, and I was shaking just by the words that came out of my mouth. Eleazar did not say anything, he just stood there for a few minutes, I supposed “examining” me, as if a doctor checking on a patient.
“Remarkable.” He said calmly. He looked at his mate with excitement, as if he just discovered a lost treasure. “(Y/N) has one of the most remarkable gifts I have ever seen.” He then turned to me. “You, (Y/N), are able to copy anyone else’s gifts and keep them as your own. You don’t even have to be in contact with them. Just by meeting someone, you can obtain their powers. I have never met anyone like that. You also seem to have obtained immunity to others’ powers, kind of like a shield. I have met such vampires before. From the stories Aro has been telling, your mother was like that. It is likely that you copied that gift for her. Such vampires are extremely useful to themselves or even others, in battles. Like themselves, you can use your gift to protect others from others’ powers, beside yourself.”
That came too sudden to my ears. I have assumed that I may have at least one power, but I didn’t realise I could copy others’ powers. That is why I was showing signs of Aro’s power!
“How can I train my powers? Eleazar! Carmen! You have to help me!”
“As you know, we will be leaving soon. I don’t know if there will be enough time to train you.”
“It’s okay. We will train as much as you want. Please, Eleazar! Please, Carmen!” I started begging them. As if they were hypnotized, they quickly looked at each other and agreed to help me.
The next few days, before Eleazar and Carmen’s departure, included intense training, far away from Volterra, deep in the woods, where no human could interrupt us. I couldn’t say the same for vampires, but I hoped nobody would cross paths with us. Eleazar and Carmen helped me develop my self-control and self-awareness, concentrating through the deepest parts of my mind, resurfacing my shield and expanding it beyond my existence. I started to have control over it, as if it was an actual solid substance, a veil floating around me towards any direction I ordered it to go.
After Eleazar and Carmen left, I started travelling the world more, trying to copy as many powers as I could come across with, while also training my shield. My excitement for the endless possibilities was what kept me going - kind of when Aro would add another talented vampire to his Guard. His Guard. Felix. I wonder how he was. I hadn’t seen him in a while. I wondered if he thought of me like I thought of him.
After travelling pretty much anywhere I could reach, I eventually went back to where it all started: I went to Greece. Aro met Sulpicia here, apparently my mom met my dad here. Maybe I could find out, understand why they left me. I have never met them, but I felt as if my tracking skills could detect them through my own existence.
I started travelling through the country, hoping that they stayed here or, at least, that they’re alive. I spent about 2 or 3 years in Greece, trying to take in every different place, while also avoiding the battles that seemed to take place in every other corner. I was feeding off animals mainly, mostly when I couldn’t find any other human food. I was washing myself in rivers, streams, whatever I could find.
I was stopping by any village that seemed to be still standing, asking about the current situation. The Greek Revolution, which started a few years ago, seemed to still be going on. The Ottomans, who had been occupying Greece for almost 400 years, could not allow Greeks to turn against them and start claiming their rights within the Ottoman Empire.
Many Greeks I met and talked to, admitted that some of the Ottomans were actually being nice to them; it was only the Ottoman government ordering their armies to execute massive massacres against Greeks, and after all this time, a few Greeks started gathering up and planning a revolution, away from Greece, in fear of being caught. They started getting organized and finding possible allies to help them with the Revolution; they just couldn’t risk getting caught within the country that they were hoping the independent Greece could become. The battles were becoming more and more intense, both on the mainland, as well as on the islands.
I started looking for answers, anything that could suggest that my parents were still alive and somewhere in Greece. To my surprise, I crossed paths with many Greek nomad vampires all over the country. They were also fighting against either Ottoman vampires or each other for territorial claims; however, they all talked me out of travelling north, towards Macedonia. The region had started being reclaimed back by Greek humans, but vampires were also seeing the potential for the area and they fought against each other for the land.
All of the nomads I encountered were talking about some of the most vicious vampires claiming the land, their enemies being literally slaughtered and burned to set an example for other vampires to back off their territory. I was intrigued, and I knew that, most probably, I would be able to deal with them or flee before they got to me.
So, I started travelling north, through the woods and mountains, in order to avoid any possible battle between humans, though many of them seemed to hide in the mountains, preparing for their battles. Macedonia was a quite big and vast region, so I had to travel quite a few days and search every possible corner.
I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I was feeling exhausted from all the searching. I haven’t fed in quite some time, and my throat was burning by the familiar need for blood. I haven’t seen any animals all these days, and I was wondering if they were gone or hiding.
Sadly, I came across a human. He seemed to be wounded, probably during a battle, his blood gushing out of his body. I couldn’t help myself, when I breathed in the smell, the burning sensation becoming unbearable. I thought of approaching him slowly, so as not to scare him, offering to help him, but deep down I just wanted to feed off of him.
“Γειά! Συγνώμη αν σε τρόμαξα. Σε είδα από μακριά. Μπορώ να σε βοηθήσω με κάποιο τρόπο; (Hey! Sorry if I scared you. I saw you from afar. Can I help you in any way?)” I offered calmly.
The man was trying to suppress his growls. I could sense his pain. I tried to help him stand on his feet, and then I saw all of his memories. He was in the army, fighting alongside Greeks against the Ottomans, in Macedonia, just outside of Thessaloniki. I didn’t even know I was so close to a city, let alone Thessaloniki.
He was trying to pass through the woods, when he came across what seemed to be two red-eyed vampires, one male and one female. They tried to attack him, but someone else managed to shoot him first, forcing the two vampires to run away. I don’t know how or why, these two felt familiar to me, I could feel that through his memories.
“Γειά! Μπορείς.. Μπορείς να πας στο κοντινότερο χωριό; Νομίζω.. Νομίζω ότι είδα κάτι στο δάσος, δε νομίζω ότι ήταν κάτι φυσιολογικό! Πρέπει.. Πρέπει να προειδοποιήσω τους άλλους! (Hey! Can.. Can you get me to the nearest village? I think.. I think I saw something in the woods, I don’t think it was something normal! I have.. I have to warn the others!)” He mumbled in between sharp shoots of pain.
“Με συγχωρείς πολύ! (I’m really sorry!)” I plead with guilty eyes. I put my hand in his wound, searching for the bullet, while he was consumed by pain. I took the bullet out of the wound, and quickly attached my lips on his skin, sucking the blood as fast as I could, biting deeply unintentionally. His screams were becoming louder and louder, so I covered his mouth with my hand, while trying to shut him up or break his jaw. A few seconds later, he stopped screaming, and I let his lifeless body fall, completely numb and drained out of blood.
I felt renewed, his blood travelling to every part of my body and giving me a new kind of strength that I haven’t felt in a while. I still felt guilty for killing him, but he was already wounded and I couldn’t risk him exposing our kind to others. I assumed that whoever found him - if anyone found him - would also assume that he died of blood loss, so I tried to position him in a realistic pose for that purpose, as best as I could. I left him there, and continued the search for my parents.
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I was running through the woods, trying to locate the two vampires from the guy’s memories. My mind was chaotic, I wasn’t thinking about something specific. I stopped in my tracks. What Aro taught me, and what I understood from Demetri’s tracking skills, is that you have to stop, take a breath and realize your position in the world. Then, you would be able to realize everything around you and find your targets. I have successfully found other vampires like that before, vampires who I have either met in person or smelled their scent, but I didn’t know if I could find someone through someone else’s memories of them.
I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate as best as I could, focusing on the smaller details of the guy’s memories of these vampires. I felt two vampires running on my west, about 10 kilometers away, and I ran after them. They were running fast, but I was way faster. Within a minute or two, I was running right behind their tracks. They must have realized that a stranger was following them, but, instead of running, they suddenly stopped. I stopped as well, and we were now facing each other.
The female had long, brunette, curly hair, and the male short, dark brown, straight hair; both of their hair looked shiny, healthy, and rich. They were of average height and their eyes were piercing red, as if they also fed quite recently. The female was exceptionally beautiful and enchanting; I could only compare her to Heidi’s exceptional beauty. The male looked quite stoic and austere, though still beautiful.
Both of them on defensive positions, waiting for me to attack. I wasn’t planning to move any further from my position; I was only waiting for their own reactions. I felt that kind of a burning sensation within me again, like a feeling buried deep inside me, trying to find an escape.
Suddenly, the male growled at me, flames springing out of his hands, and being thrown at me. I felt my heart fall out of my chest, fearing that this would be my end. As if my body reacted on its own, I felt my own shield extending out of my body, building a wall around me and protecting me from the male’s attack. My hands started burning and flames came out, ready to counterattack the male. The male looked at the female, dumbfounded by what he witnessed, still in a defensive position, but ready to attack again.
“I’M NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOU!” I shouted at both of them. “I’M JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE!”
The male shrinked back, the female following close by. “Who are you looking for? We haven’t seen you around. Who are you? Why are you here?” The male requested. His voice serious, but smooth at the same time; a voice I could only describe as the warm earth below their bare feet.
“No, I’m not. I come from Italy, though I think I was born around here. My name is (Y/N), I’m looking for my parents. I don’t quite remember what they look like, but I’m pretty sure that they lived around here. They abandoned me when I was a baby.”
“This has been our territory for almost 3 millennials! We would have known if any humans abandoned their offspring around here!” The female exclaimed, as if she didn’t believe a word I said. I didn’t want to tell them the whole story, but I had to show them that I didn’t mean to fight in any way.
“I never said they were humans. My mother was actually sort of a vampire, like you.”
The female started letting her guards down. “What do you mean sort of? I’ve never heard of a “sort of vampire” before!” She continued doubtfully.
“Believe me or don’t, my mother was born half vampire, half human. My dad wasn’t even a vampire before she met him. He wasn’t even human to be honest.” My eyes started stinging slightly. I could have had a good, happy life if they didn’t abandon me. I wouldn’t have to grow up with Aro.
“You said you were from Italy.” I nodded at the male, as he continued. “You never said where exactly.”
I wasn’t sure if I should tell them my real origin; I wouldn’t like them to know I was a Volturi, but I knew I needed help to find my parents. If they were actually here as long as they say, they might have known or met my parents at some point.
“Volterra. I was born here, in Greece, like my mother, but grew up in Volterra with my grandparents.” I looked down, kind of scared, kind of anxious, waiting for their next move.
The female gasped. “Are you a Volturi?!” I looked at her, straight in the eyes, swallowed, and nodded. “I know the Volturi. Who are your grandparents?”
“Aro and Sulpicia.” I answered so quietly that, if they weren’t vampires, they wouldn’t have heard me, my voice trembling slightly.
The female suddenly fell on her knees, the male wrapping his arms around her, comforting her. I didn’t know what was going on. Did I say something wrong? Were they scared? The sheer mention of the Volturi would scare a lot of vampires, but I thought that maybe these two seemed strong enough to deal with them.
The female started sobbing, no tears coming out of her red eyes, her body shaking. I felt something within me break. I felt that I didn’t want to upset them, that’s why I was hesitant in telling them who I really was. The male looked at me, pain in his eyes. I saw a familiar look. I saw me in his eyes, what I looked at in my mirror anytime I was thinking about my parents, or, sometimes, when I thought of Felix.
“Are you a half witch?” The male asked quietly. Something snapped in me. How would he know that?
“I swear, I didn’t do anything to your mate! I DIDN’T!” I shouted at the male. I didn’t want him to think that I would hurt his mate, or himself.
“I know you wouldn’t. It’s just..” He looked at his mate who had stopped sobbing, but was still down on her knees, unable to stand up. “..my mate is Aro and Sulpicia Volturi’s only daughter.”
My body tensed and shivered. If that woman is the only daughter Aro and Sulpicia ever had...could that mean..?
I took a few steps back. “AM I YOUR DAUGHTER? ARE YOU MY PARENTS?” I looked at them in disbelief.
Those were the people who abandoned me! That let me grow parentless, under Aro’s rules and directions! I was breathing heavily, in between sobs. I didn’t even realize that I set my whole body ablaze, until both vampires looked at me shocked. I didn’t feel any pain, but I couldn’t stop the flames licking my body, and in my frantic state, I started panicking even more.
The male started approaching me slowly, trying to not scare me away. “Shush, shush. You’re okay. You’re doing okay. I know how it feels at first. You’re experiencing some aspects of the life as a witch. It’s okay. Close your eyes and picture the flames in your head.” I closed my eyes and tried concentrating on the flames. “Now, imagine them burning out, becoming smaller and weaker.” I focused on the flames, imagining them weakening. After a few minutes, I felt them getting smaller and smaller, and finally disappearing. I opened my eyes slowly.
The female was standing next to the male, watching me carefully. In a quick motion, she pulled me and embraced me, stroking my hair lightly. I breathed in her scent, a mix of mountain flowers and the saltiness of the sea. Her touch was soft, and filled me up with what felt like a thousand different emotions.
But, I mostly felt safe. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt this safe. And whole. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I hugged her back. Tears started spilling from my eyes. That was my mom! That was actually my mom! After all this time, we were finally together. I felt the male, my dad, hugging both of us, and in that moment, I felt my legs giving up on me, and I finally fell into a long sleep.
#felix volturi#felix volturi imagine#felix volturi x reader#volturi#twilight#twilight renessaince#twilight post#demetri volturi#alec volturi#jane volturi#the cullens#the denali coven
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Ironwood and Cinder: The Final Word
Cinder: And that’s… checkmate.
The Final Word of the volume is Cinder’s and it is meaningful she says it to Ironwood.
As a matter of fact Ironwood and Cinder are two sides of the same coin on many levels. This is conveyed also structurally.
Volume 7 is mostly about Ironwood’s tragic spiral. We are shown him struggle with his flaw throughout the whole volume, but in the end he loses to it and becomes just as dangerous as Salem:
Oscar: Then you're as dangerous as she is, James.
Not only does volume 8 close with Cinder instead, but it also opens with her:
And it even gives us her backstory:
Why does it happen? And why is Cinder’s final line so important when it comes to her foiling with Ironwood?
GRAVITY
It is not by chance that Watts calls both Ironwood and Cinder out before the climax of respectively volume 7 (Ironwood) and volume 8 (Cinder). This is because, as stated above, volume 7 is Ironwood’s volume, while volume 8 is Cinder’s. So they both are confronted with a truth about themselves and their reaction to it influences their stories in the Atlas arc.
In a sense, even if Watts is the one dangerously hanging over an abyss... it is actually Ironwood and Cinder who are on the brink. They are deciding Watts’s survival, but they are also deciding their own destiny.
They are choosing if to fall because of gravity or if to fly in the sky victorious.
At the same time, the two scenes with Watts show how Cinder and Ironwood are both similar and opposites.
AS ABOVE, SO BELOW
Ironwood and Cinder are nothing, but two products of Atlas’s society.
Ironwood was born at the very top:
Watts: You just stood atop it and called yourself a giant!
Cinder existed at the very bottom:
Watts: You think you're entitled to everything just because you've suffered, but suffering isn't enough! You can't just be strong, you have to be smart! You can't just be deserving, you have to be worthy! But all you have ever been, is a BLOODY MIGRAINE!
Watts is in the middle and he represents the worst traits of both.
He wants everything, just like Cinder:
Ironwood: I gave you everything you could have wanted!
But differently from Cinder it was no true he had nothing. He was successful, had food, clothes and respect. Still, he was never satisfied and ended up disgracing himself in the search of something more.
He also disregards feelings in favor of rationality, just like Ironwood:
Watts: Our tin soldier’s heart has cost him his mind.
And he sees people under him as inherently inferior:
Watts: Yes, yes, please keep your posse in check.
This is why his death is fitting:
Cinder: I merely added more flames to the fires of Atlas.
He burns with Atlas aka the city he wants to destroy, but also a symbol of who he is deep down.
What is more, his death happens specifically because he blindly follows his wishes:
Watts: Oh, believe me, this is everything I've ever wanted.
And because he is outsmarted and manipulated by Cinder:
Cinder: You deserve this, Arthur. We'll be back.
He is proud of his genius and rationality, but in the end he dies because of his feelings of pettiness.
In short, Watts, Cinder and Ironwood represent three social classes of Atlas and how the system corrupts people at every level. In general, all three want to be at the very top, but disreguard and mistreat the ones below.
-This is why Ironwood seeks control even in situations where he is not in charge, like the Vytal Festival. He also challenges Ozpin’s authority and leadership because he is not used not to be the one deciding. At the same time, he is shown ready to discard Mantle in multiple occasions.
-This is why Watts can call out Ironwood’s arrogance without seeing he is exactly the same as him.
-Finally, this is why Cinder lashes out at people she sees as Atlas elites (the Schnees, Ironwood, Watts), but treats those below her just like she was treated:
Emerald: We don't need him! Everything was going fine! (a slap is heard, and she cries out in pain)
Cinder: Do not mistake your place.
Mercury: Oh yeah? Tell that to--
Cinder: Quiet.
THE ENEMIES OF TRUST
Both Ironwood and Cinder’s left arms are artificial. Ironwood’s is mechanical, while Cinder’s is Grimm.
Their respective arms convey opposite approaches to things.
On a more general level, they are respectively linked to Creation (Ironwood’s mechanical arm) and to Destruction (Cinder’s Grimm arm). As a matter of fact a robotic arm is a human creation, while Grimms are nothing, but the symbol of destruction.
On a personal level, their arms hint at the two characters’ opposite personalities.
Ironwood’s arm can’t feel pain.
Cinder’s is instead linked to pain and feelings in different ways:
Raven: Aura can't protect your arm, it's Grimm.
Salem: You chose to disobey my specific instructions just to fail again.
Cinder: She’s back…
Cinder feels great pain whenever her Shadow Hand is cut because she can’t protect it with aura. At the same time, it is used by Salem to torture her. Finally, it links her to Salem to the point that she knows when her Master is back.
In other words, Cinder’s arm lets her feel more, while Ironwood’s lets him feel less.
This difference is mirrored by both the ways Ironwood and Cinder respectively attack Watts and by their semblances:
Ironwood’s Mettle lets Ironwood suppress his own feelings, so that he can pursue any objective, no matter how cruel or immoral it is. It makes him “superhuman”, but in a very negative sense.
Cinder’s Scorching Caress represents Cinder’s explosive emotions. It is a form of self-expression, which is both destructive and self-destructive.
Ironwood’s semblance is about repression, while Cinder’s is about lashing out.
Similarly, Ironwood goes after Watts at the cost of his arm and he ignores the pain he feels:
Watts: I wouldn't do that if I were you. I mean, unless you're hoping to add more metal to that body of yours.
Cinder instead goes after Watts to vent her anger:
Cinder: What do you mean, she'll destroy herself? How am I supposed to take her power if she's dead?!
Both are extremes and both are wrong, as Winter explains:
Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we’re on the right path. It’s what makes us human.
Ironwood and Cinder should aknowledge their own feelings not to be consumed by them. It is also the only way for them to truly be humans, not machines or monsters, but simply people.
Both characters almost succeed just before the climax of their respective volumes.
Ironwood tries to open up to others:
And Cinder shows vulnerability:
However, none of them is able to capitalize on this chance for development. This is ironically because of each other:
Cinder messes with Ironwood’s insecurities, while Ironwood’s ultimatum gives Cinder the perfect chance to ignore hers.
The result is that Ironwood goes back to control, while Cinder goes back to manipulation. Both do so because they are unable to trust.
Interestingly, they take after their respective mentors in this.
Ironwood takes after Ozpin:
Ironwood: Did you really think you were the only one who got to work on a new plan after Beacon? WIth Ozpin gone, I needed my own team of people I could trust.
Oscar: General? Earlier, you asked for my advice.
Ironwood: I wanted Ozpin's advice.
Oscar: And his advice probably would've been to keep your secrets.
Cinder takes after Salem:
Salem: When I chose you as my vessel for the Maidens, I put my trust in you. So, I trust that you wouldn’t possibly return to me empty-handed.
Ironwood’s whole struggle in volume 7 is his search for a “new approach”. He wants to be like Ozpin, but better. This is why he founds his own group, but wants to trust the world with the truth about Salem. However, he confuses trust with control.
Cinder instead wants to become just like Salem and suffers when she sees she is not. This is why she collects assets, just like her master. This is also why she does not trust anyone, but manipulates others.
That said, what is the difference between Ironwood’s control and Cinder’s manipulation? It has once again to do with feelings.
Ironwood’s attempt to manipulate others is about suppressing feelings. He uses Atlas’s military hierarchy and social structures to ask for his subordinates’ blind loyalty.
Cinder’s method to control people lies instead in making use of others’ feelings. She uses both wishes and fears to her advantage.
In short, control and manipulation are nothing, but the same inability to trust declined in opposite ways. They are both “enemies of trust”.
This is why both Ironwood and Cinder find a strong enemy and a foil in the character, who embodies friendship in these volumes:
Deep down, Ironwood and Cinder not trusting others is because they fear betrayal:
Cinder: I won’t have to run now.
Rhodes: That’s all you’ll ever do.
Ironwood: I've chased a lot of shadows over the years, always expecting betrayal. But never once did I think it would ever come from you.
However, Penny too is betrayed and mistreated by others:
Penny: I do not like it when friends fight.
Ruby: I know. Yang and I may not agree on how best to save Mantle but-
Penny: No. I mean Winter. The general. They were our friends. But then the Ace Ops attacked you. And the general, he said people were going to die, because of me.
However, she does not give up on the ideal of a genuine bond:
Attached but not
By strings
Still, if Penny is a positive foil to both Ironwood and Cinder, why does she die?
RISK
Weiss: Trust is a risk.
Yang: Ruby, they’re not called sure things, they’re called risks.
These two lines taken together are why at the end of volume 8 Penny dies, our heroes fall and the manipulative Cinder wins.
It happens to show the main theme of the two Atlas volumes. Trust is not a “sure thing”. It is a risk and it does not always work. Still, it is necessary to trust as it is necessary to take risks:
Yang: You were being optimistic. Look, blind optimism isn’t great, but no optimism means we already lost. We need hope. We need to take risks.
Giving up on trust and risks means giving up on hope. It means to give in to fear.
Still, this does not mean your trust will always be paid back. And it does not mean that the risks you take will always work, even if you come up with a wonderful plan:
Cinder: I knew your plan would be bold, but I never could have predicted all of this...
Sometimes people will betray you:
Sometimes your risk will end up in a fall:
However, it is still worth to trust, even when you have no guarantee it will work:
And sometimes It is even worth to risk the fall because it may lead to people being saved:
This same idea is conveyed also through Penny’s final choice:
Penny: Trust me.
Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.
Penny dies tragically, but she still manages to pass the Maiden’s power to a person she trusts.
This is especially meaningful because the Winter Maiden power, just like Penny herself, has been subjected to both control and manipulation.
Ironwood does all he can to make sure the power ends up to Winter. At the same time, he is the one most responsible for Penny feeling as nothing, but a robot:
Ironwood: As the official report stated, that footage was doctored. Penny is completely under my control.
Cinder tries to steal the power three times. She also manipulates Penny’s feelings towards her friends:
Cinder: I was hoping your friends would be here. But it looks like they left you to do all the work. You’re just a tool to be used!
In the end, Ironwood treating Penny as a machine (control) and Cinder using Penny’s love for her friends against her (manipulation) are among the psychological factors that lead Penny to be mortally wounded by Cinder.
Still, while dying Penny negates both Ironwood and Cinder and frees the power and herself from both control and manipulation.
The fact she chooses Winter works well to illustrate this.
Winter is the person Ironwood wants as the next Maiden. However, Winter becomes a Maiden not because of Ironwood’s control, but because of Penny’s trust:
Ironwood: So… the destiny I chose for you has arrived.
Winter: You chose nothing. This...was a gift.
Winter is a Schnee, so she represents both what Cinder hates and what she herself wants to be:
Cinder to Winter: You Atlas elites are all the same! You think hoarding power means you’ll have it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.
Winter is a symbol of Atlas and so she is a reminder to Cinder that Atlas is not really destroyed:
Robyn: What do you think a kingdom is? The people, or just the chunk of land they live on?
Just like Cinder’s past isn’t.
WORTHY
Cinder wants to be worthy. Ironwood wants to be a hero.
Deep down, Ironwood and Cinder want the same thing. They want to be above others. They want to be more than humans.
However, they go at it in opposite ways:
Ironwood: I have sacrificed everything!
Cinder: I want it all...
Ironwood thinks that victory lies in sacrificing everything, while Cinder sees it as taking it all.
These opposite viewpoints mirror their respective social stances.
Ironwood can say he wants to sacrifice everything because he has everything.
Cinder thinks happiness lies in everything because she has nothing:
Cinder: You’re right. Without you I am nothing. But because of you, I am everything.
In the end, Ironwood and Cinder are each other’s true enemies, but they fail to see it and lash out against the wrong people:
Ironwood and Cinder’s respective fight against Winter and Weiss is exactly this.
Ironwood fights a Maiden he sees as an enemy of Atlas, while another Maiden is attacking the people he swore to protect.
Cinder lashes out at Weiss because of her origins, while Weiss has decided to leave her status and money behind to make the right thing.
Still, Ironwood and Cinder are too hypocritical to see the truth. This is why they attack people, who could have helped them, if they were given the chance.
This is also why they receive a warning:
Winter: No, you have sacrificed everyone else!
Winter: You… are going to pay… for everything you’ve done!
Ironwood claims he is ready to sacrifice everything. However, he never sacrifices himself:
In the end, he is unable to sacrifice his life to fight Salem.
Let’s highlight he has nothing to lose by this point. He is falling with Atlas anyway. In his final moments, he is given the chance to prove true to his words:
I would die
Without regret, I’d offer up my life
With zero reservations
I would fly
Into the sun
If that would keep our dream alive
Instead, he gives up. He has been shooting his allies until the very end, but freezes in front of his enemy.
Cinder thinks she is closer to her final victory, but in the end she has accomplished nothing of what she truly wants.
She wants to kill RWBY, but they are alive. She wants the Maiden powers, but she fails.
At the same time, Cinder is still far away from what she truly needs:
Cinder: You have everything you need?
Watts: Oh, believe me, this is everything I've ever wanted.
She is given a perfect mirror of herself in Watts. Still, instead of seeing it, Cinder uses his flaw, which is her same flaw, to kill him. Watts’ wants lead to his death and the same thing might happen to Cinder if she does not stop herself in time.
Finally, there is this:
Salem: This game is not yours to win, Cinder, it’s mine. Just because you’re more valuable to me than a pawn, does not make you a player. Everything is already in motion. All you need concern yourself with is your ability to act when I tell you to.
Ironwood and Cinder share a chess motif.
Ironwood thinks of himself as a player and specifically as Salem’s opponent.
Cinder is instead told she is no player.
However, in the end, Ironwood becomes a mere pawn to the point that all Watts has to do is to open his cell to be sure he is going to unwillingly aid in Cinder’s plan.
What is more, he is so fixated on Salem that he fails to aknowledge the people below him. This is why his true opponent is a slave that Atlas exploited.
Cinder frames herself as a player instead. She is the one who truly makes the first move against Ironwood and ultimately she is the one who defeats both him and our protagonists. Finally, she is the one who calls checkmate.
Still, is she really playing her own game?
In the end, the one who gets what she wants is not Cinder, but Salem:
And all she has to do to obtain it is one small move:
Salem: And I’ve realized, it’s all my fault. You’ve fought your whole life unwaveringly for what you want and here I am holding you back instead of lifting you up.
While Cinder is once again letting her talent be exploited by those above her. She is choosing to be Salem’s Queen instead than a player of her own life.
She is the Black Queen defeating the White King, but nothing more.
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I read your last fic and 🥰🥰🥰
Do you have any hcs for Jotaro with a childhood friend reader that can ACTUALLY tell what he's thinking? Maybe they have a water based stand and actually travel to Egypt with him to kill DIO and he realizes his feelings for them along the way cause of how much they understand him?
oh man this will be a challenge. although i do love jotaro, he is a very complex character to write due to his stoic personality. i hope i get this right for you anon. (p.s. sorry for posting this so late. i wanted to post my asks in chronological order and this request happened to be the last request after another fic request i plan to write. my dumbass should've done this earlier since its just a hc and it'll be shorter)
warning: contains spoilers of jjba: stardust crusaders
jotaro with a childhood friend who understands him. (part 3!jotaro x gn!reader)
❧ it's outstanding to the crusaders that you're able to understand what it is jotaro is feeling towards a particular situation. his standoffish nature and lack of personality made it hard to communicate
❧ he was indifferent to literally everything that they've came across; that same blank stare was worn for any situation they had to endure. it was impossible to know what was going through his mind, he was an expertise at hiding his emotions
❧ if it wasn't for you, the things jotaro felt would have never been exchanged
❧ from his emotions to the things he liked and disliked down to his personal opinion; you knew all of it
❧ there was a time when you all settled in a restaurant in india and joseph offered some his food to you and jotaro, he hoped that jotaro would like it but joseph only frowned at his lack of reaction when he nibbled on the small treat
"oh come on now, grandson! ya' like it or not?" you only shook your head, as if he was asking you that question. "he doesn't like it, mr. joestar. it's too sweet." the others were shocked to see jotaro nod in agreement as he puts the bitten khaman on the dishplate. just how the fuck were you able to tell?
❧ jotaro was pretty impressed with you also (though he would never admit it ofc) but it was expected since you've know each other since grade school. you were the one who saw him gradually convert during the 11+ years you've been friends. you saw him go from adoring his mother and the others around him to treating everyone like shit and not even batting an eyelash and deep down, it wounded you
❧ he had a habit of balling up his emotions during dire moments - when holly developed a stand she couldn't control and fell ill, jotaro remained in his usual state; cool and collected. but you looked past that and saw the profound distress that he failed to reveal, the worries of his mother was clear to you. you and only you were able to see that
"jotaro.." you whispered to him as he looked at his mother through shaded turquoise eyes. he didn't bother sparing you a glace, already predicting the worried look in your eyes. "we'll save her. i know it." he responds with a delayed grunt before leaving the room, tilting his hat further down to cover his face. maybe then you won't be able to see the strained tear that feathered his eyelashes.
❧ during the span of your 50 day journey, the aftermath of the compelling battle with dio was where you got jotaro to break down.
he was doing it again - supressing his hurt, his anger, his apprehension. he stood glancing down at the souless body of his grandfather that rested on the stretcher, dead and immobile. he couldn't do anything but admit the death of his old man, nothing could be done. he tenses when he felt arms wrap around his torso. the warmth from another body was something he hasn't felt in so long - he last recalled the warm presence of his mother after he skimmed his knee, but that was eons ago.
"you're scared, jotaro. you're hurt. i can see that." you tighten your grip. "why must you bottle up your emotions? there's nothing wrong with showing how truly feel. everybody can be vulnerable once in a while, right?" you can feel him tremble under your touch. you couldn't help but cry. not just by jotaro's distress but by the loss of joseph. during this long journey, your bond grew tremendously. it was like losing your own grandfather. you don't know if you'd be able to recover after this adventure. not after the lives lost.
you were taken by surprise when you hear jotaro's soft whimpers. looking up you caught glace of his clenched teeth as if to hold back his tears but it was fruitless. his tears fell and cascaded down your chin.
"i'm sorry." he chokes with a restrained voice. his apology wasn't just for joseph. "i'm so fucking sorry." he hugs you back. you can tell it was genuine by the strength of his grip. you would've pushed him away to regain your breath if it wasn't for the grief the both of you were going through. choked sobs and sniffles filled the back of the ambulance.
❧ jotaro didn't mind the way you held his hand or the way you scooched closer to his face
❧ nor did he mind your soft lips make contact with his. he took that time to accept his true feelings for you - the love that grew in his heart over the years was strong. he deepened the kiss, never wanting the serene moment to end
❧ he's just glad that you were the one. the one he was destined to be with
#jotaro x reader#jotaro kujo headcanons#jjba#jotaro kujo#jotaro kujo x reader#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jojo's bizarre adventure#jjba headcanons#requests. [👘]
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My complicated opinion on Keith Kogane
Keith Kogane is definitely one of the more popular characters in the VLD fandom. People love brooding emo bad boys.
My feelings on Keith are... complicated. I definitely don’t hate him. I have a lot of problems with the character but I don’t think I could ever bring myself to actually hate him. Mainly because I kinda relate to him. We both have problems controlling our emotions, interacting with people, and making friends.
And we both have trouble believing there are people who truly have our best interests at heart and won’t abandon us because we’re a burden.
What I do hate is the way his character was written and the way it negatively impacted the characters around him.
There are definitely a lot of factors that contributed to VLD ending up the way it did. But to me, Keith and the writers insistence on pushing him to the forefront was the poison that killed the show.
Ok, before we get into this whole rant I feel like I should talk about the things I do like about Keith.
I like the premise of Keith’s character. He’s half Galra and never really fit in on Earth. He didn’t act like the other “normal” kids so kids made fun of him and adults didn’t want to deal with him. So in order to protect himself from the pain of rejection he would put up a tough angry facade and push people away and reject them before they could reject him.
This is something that really resonates with me personally having grown up neurodivergent. It’s awful growing up in a world that isn’t made for people like you and not knowing how to interact with or connect with your peers. Especially when you don’t know why you’re like that.
You learn to avoid social interaction because it always ends up negative. You put up walls because you don’t feel like anybody understands you or what you’re going through.
I know the writers probably didn’t intend to code Keith as neurodivergent. They just wanted Keith to be a hothead with abandonment issues, but nonetheless, this interpretation means a lot to me.
I also really like his relationship with Shiro. Keith is so used to being left behind and abandoned that when he meets someone like Shiro who’s patient and genuinely cares it’s new and strange. He’s so ready for Shiro to abandon him, even telling Shiro to send him back to the home, but Shiro refuses to leave him and tells Keith ethat he’s never going to give up on him.
It’s also interesting to see how their relationship develops over time. It’s clear Keith trusts Shiro, but you can tell that that fear of abandonment is still there deep down. In S2, Keith tells Shiro that he’s like a brother to him, and then in season 6, he takes the extra step and tells Shiro that he IS his brother and that he loves him. And for someone like Keith, telling their friend they love them is a big scary thing.
And also it’s just great to see a platonic “I love you,” especially between two guys. Don’t be afraid to tell your bros you love them!!!
Now let’s talk about the stuff I didn’t like.
Keith doesn’t have much going for him in terms of personality. He’s just sorta brooding and serious all the time. He does make jokes occasionally but it’s rare. The writers were more focused on making him cool and badass rather than fun.
I always loved the idea of Keith as a cocky carefree asshole who doesn’t give a shit about rules/laws and is kinda rude/aggressive but has a heart of gold deep down and would do anything for the people he cares about. (Just like a cat.)
I would also make him more alien esc. In terms of design I like the idea of Keith having red eyes with narrow pupils and fangs. And also just small things like the way he walks and holds himself. He growls and bears his teeth when he’s angry, his hair puffs up when scared, he’s fast and agile, disappearing and reappearing without making much noise, small things.
Then you have his race and sexuality. I have no doubt in my mind that Keith was intended to be a straight white dude. A lot of people see him as gay and Asian but there’s no evidence for this in canon. Acxa was originally intended to be his love interest and his race was never mentioned in canon. His name isn’t even Kogane in canon. (And the race of the voice actor doesn’t equal the race of the character. If that was the case Shiro, Hunk, and Lance would be white.)
They should’ve totally made Keith Japanese like he was in the original. It would’ve been so easy! Just canonize Kogane as his last name and have the book say he’s half Japanese half Galra. They could’ve also done what they did with Shiro and keep his og GoLion name. Just have him be Akira Kogane. Definitely cooler than “Keith.”
And as for his sexuality, I definitely think they should’ve had Keith be gay. But well get to that Later...
I also don’t like how they handled the whole Krolia thing. Not only was it crazy rushed, but it completely goes against the shows theme of found family.
Keith’s arc should’ve been about overcoming his abandonment issues and learning to accept the paladins as family. But instead they just get rid of the abandonment issues by just giving him his mom back.
I know a lot of people love Krolia but I don’t feel like she should’ve been introduced in anything other than flashbacks. Because Keith’s mom isn’t really that important. The show is about found family and friendship, not blood relation.
You can definitely have Keith learn about his mom and his family, but I feel like giving him his mom back was too much.
Personally, I always headcanoned that Kolivan was Keith’s grandfather or just a close friend of Krolia’s, and when Keith showed up at the Blade’s base Kolivan recognized the blade as his Krolia’s. Keith could learn about his mom through Kolivan telling him about her, how she was a great person and warrior who died fighting to make the universe a safer place for her son.
Another thing I didn’t like was the whole Keith leaving the team for the Blades thing. I know why he did it, he felt like the team was gonna reject him, he wanted to be more useful, and wanted to learn about his family, but I feel like you could’ve touched on all that without having him abandon his team.
One of the biggest problems with the show is that they did a bad job at establishing the paladins as friends, they feel like coworkers more than anything, and I feel like Keith being absent for two seasons contributed to that.
And his absence is hardly addressed. The team forms Voltron perfectly without him and no one ever says they miss him. Keith doesn’t even seem like he missed them after being gone for two years.
And a lot of the weight was taken out of that Keith v Kuron fight by the fact that Keith and Kuron hardly interacted.
That whole thing amounted to four things, Keith meeting Krolia (which I don’t think should’ve happened), them finding the colony (which was a dumb plot I don’t think should’ve happened), Keith aging up two years (which was weird and unnecessary), and Keith meeting Kosmo (which is... complicated).
I don’t think this plot was necessary. Keith should’ve stayed with his team.
Then you have his relationship with Lance. I know people are very sensitive about this topic. People have very strong opinions about whether or not Keith and Lance were intended to be romantically coded.
Personally, I do like Klance but I don’t believe they were romantically coded. I think if you want them to get together some things would have to go differently.
For example, the bonding moment. In canon, Lance tells Keith, “we make a good team.” I don’t see this as referring to him and Keith. I think he was talking about the whole team. If you want it to be about the two of them, I feel like it should be Lance telling Keith something like, “ya know, you’re not so bad after all,” and then Keith smiles and responds, “you’re not so bad yourself.”
Another example could be the scene where Lance comes to Keith with his insecurities. (Whether it’s as a leader or a friend.) This scene was weird in canon, Lance comes to Keith for advice and Keith basically tells him to just stop thinking about it.
I would prefer if Lance brought up to Keith how he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough or that he doesn’t have, “a thing,” and Keith is completely dumbfounded like, “what are you even talking about?” He goes on about all the good shit about Lance. Talks about how Blue chose him, how he’s a great shot, how he’s good at dealing with people, meanwhile Lance is standing there in shock as Keith says all these nice things about him.
Over all you would just have to develop their relationship more. More meaningful interactions. And if you want the relationship to be romantic you would have to establish that early on. Establish that one or both has romantic feelings for the other in like S1/S2 because if you wait too long it’s gonna feel forced/out of no where.
And then... you have the Black Paladin arc... I’m gonna be real with y’all, this is the arc that killed the show for me, for a few reasons.
One, even ignoring the whole quintessence bond thing, it makes no sense for Keith to be the bp. He doesn’t fit the role. I adore Shiro but choosing Keith as his successor was a dumb move. I get that he saw potential in Keith but they’re are fighting a war, there’s no room for favoritism.
Shiro should’ve chosen Allura as his successor. Not only does she have actual leadership experience, but you would only have one paladin in a new Lion instead of three.
If a lifeguard breaks his leg and can’t work, he should choose an experienced swimmers to take his place, not his little bro that’s still in water wings in the hopes that it’ll teach him to swim.
Two, Keith being the bp doesn’t help his arc. Keith’s arc is about overcoming his abandonment issues and learning to be a team player, he doesn’t need to be the leader for that.
VLD should’ve been about the paladins growing into the best versions of themselves they could be. Their development shown by unlocking new abilities in their respective lions, new forms for their bayards, and new Voltron bayard power ups. They shouldn’t have to change lions and themselves.
Keith and Red have a strong bond and work great together. Keith and Red are both temperamental, unpredictable, and have issues with trust. Keith having to fight to get Red to trust and open up to him mirrors how others have to fight to earn Keith’s trust and get him to let down his walls.
It would’ve been interesting to see them grow together. Keith has no emotional connection with Black.
We never even get to see them bond. Keith just suddenly becomes the “perfect” bp/leader because he got over his mommy issues
Three, it’s a MASSIVE disservice to Shiro’s character. Shiro put all the work in earning his position as the bp, he literally fits fought Zarkon on the astral plane to earn her trust, yet Keith is the true bp? What?
It sucks. Sendak told Shiro that a monster like him could never be a paladin and the writers went and proved him right. Hell Shiro didn’t even get to kill Sendak, Keith got that too.
And don’t tell me, “but he got the Atlas!” REALLY!? A massive Deus ex machina that required absolutely no effort from him to acquire!? Filled with a bunch of rando background characters no one gives a shit about!? You’re totally right, that 100% makes up for it.
I could go on and on about how the treatment of Shiro in this show (and fandom) is blatantly ableist but that’s a rant for another time.
It sucks. I want to like Keith! He had the potential to be an amazing character but the writers just kept on trying to turn him into something he wasn’t and it ruined him for me.
They kept trying to turn Keith into the main character and ignored that ALL the paladins are the main characters. It’s an ensemble cast! You don’t have to have everything come back to one guy.
#voltron#voltron legendary defender#voltron legendary discourse#vld#vld critical#keith kogane#keith vld#red paladin keith#klance#krolia#black paladin shiro#takashi shirogane#vld shiro#black lion#red lion#galra#galra keith#blade of marmora
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Recap on Vanijeanne
As we try to recover from ... well, chapter 50, who wants to read a recap on the most controversial and Problematique couple in the manga?
*crickets*
Well, it was in my to-do list, so I'm writing it anyways.
Now, I love their first meeting, because while it sucks on 'what is actually happening' level, it does a wonderful work of exposure of the characters, hinting at their further development in a few panels.
Jeanne is presented as a '''''"strong woman'''''' ... meaning that's she's very good at fighting. That's essentially a good thug, it says nothing on character strenght. In fact, the only words she says for the first two chapters are asking Luca for orders: she's not shown as someone who takes initiative and acts on her own.
Even her emotional bond to Luca is taken as a sign of her weakness; while caring for someone isn't in any way a moral or emotional deficiency, quite the opposite actually, it hints at the fact that this girl has been so isolated, she has grown terribly attached to the only person to treat her with more than basic decency.
Speaking of basic decency, Vanitas fails even that. He straight-out sexually harassess her, making her feel even more powerless after mocking her for not living up to the strenght expected from her. We will later see that Vanitas isn't above psychological attacks on his enemies (hello, Astolfo), but this is callous even for his standards. Why would he do that?
Well, even if it was the first chapters, it was a bit of a shock to see the character behaving in such a way. Insofar, Vanitas had been presented as cocky, somewhat pushy and trollish, but also determined to help people, kind to Amelia, cheerful and funny. All around, a 'good guy'.
Even Noé, who back then said he didn't particularly like Vanitas, called 'overwhelmingly right' his healing of Amelia. Vanitas pulls a face at hearing that, and I suspect his behaviour towards Jeanne is in some measure a way to 'de-impress' Noé. After all, as we'll see in later chapters, he is an horrible person and can't risk someone actually liking him, right?
Their following meeting at the Bal Masqué is almost as bad. Here, Vanitas exploits her weakened state to flat out coerce Jeanne into drinking his blood, again using Luca as emotional blackmail (she'll hurt Vani, so the kid will be okay). Again, Jeanne really, really doesn't want to do this, and the scene drives home well her turmoil and hatred for the whole situation.
If Jeanne is being coerced in a situation of weakness, Vanitas is not actually faring that better. He wanted to have his blood drunk because he had seen Dominique and Noé do that, and he wanted something similar to the affection these two expressed, but not too similar because he doesn't deserve it and so he must make sure that the other party hates him and - this guy is a mess.
But the blood-drinking looks definitely painful for him. Heck, he even has to cover his own mouth to avoid screaming!
Their third meeting keeps on this proud tradition. In this instance, Vanitas makes quite a bit of back and forth: first he teases Jeanne in public about that possession mark, then dials back when he sees Luca taking issue; he offers privately to help her mantain her secret about the uncontrollable blood-craving, then he puts forth conditions (that she calls him by his name, thus establishing an intimacy she doesn't want, and that she drinks only from him, this limiting the damage she could do but also keeping a personal leash on her); he requires that she only drinks his blood, prattling on how good it feels, but then he has the same pained expression when she actually does it. His motivations here are probably mixed: partly desire to help a possible curse-bearer, partly a way to exercise control on Jeanne (as we have seen with Noé, Vanitas likes being the one in charge of situations), and partly some actual attraction to her.
On her part, Jeanne stands firm in her dislike of Vanitas, even if she really liked the taste of his blood.
Later in the same chapter, Noé questions Vanitas about love; he admits that he doesn't really know, just when he looks a Jeanne il flusso sanguigno gli passa dalle zone superiori a quelle inferiori his heart beats faster. He also lists his reasons for liking Jeanne; quite surprisingly, not only her considerable chest (though that got attention) but also some personality traits, such as her weird blend of toughness and fragility. Still, they're not exactly deep reasons. It sound more like a superficial crush.
But then, he adds something very important: he pursues her because she won't love him back. Here we got the first big hint of Vanitas's huge self-loathing: he is an horrible person, he doesn't deserve love, if someone loves him it means they have got some problems. He likes Jeanne, she's not the kind of person to like him back, he can have a '''safe''' relationship!
Then there is their famous date. It began as a ploy on Jeanne's part to get rid of Vanitas: because of quella comare di Noé, Dominique and then Jeanne herself get to know about that observation just above. So they get the idea: let's pretend that Jeanne really likes Vanitas, so he will leave on his own.
A sound plan, which would have worked if not for ... well, take a look at Jeanne up there. Does she look like she's confessing her love, or trying very hard not to throw up?
But the problem is: the date is great. Vanitas understands exactly what she was up to, and promptly went along with the act. And for the first time, he is actually nice to her: he shows her around the city, is attentive to her wishes, he speaks his mind about some little things.
And this completely throws Jeanne off her balance. Where does this sudden change come from? (And this was probably Vani's intention all along, as another way to keep her on edge and control her)
Not to mention, she's really not used to kindness. She's a bourreau, a pariah. She is so rarely treated with any decency, she is extremely sensitive when someone shows her even a little of it.
This ... '''cute''' rendez-vous comes to an abrupt end when an accident triggers Jeanne's bloodthirst. Vanitas gets her away before anything can happen, lets her feed on him (which still look painful) and tries to understand what exactly her problem is.
Whatever it is, Jeanne is forbidden by Ruthven to talk about it; the only thing certain, is that she is terrified by the perspective of harming Luca, should she no longer be able to control this bloodthirst. Vanitas reacts to this by promising to kill her before such thing can happen.
This scene is ...uuuuh ... interesting. I think that Vanitas actually meant well, even if only in part and in his own way. He surely sees it as an important promise, that he will honor should the necessity manifest itself. As for the other part, here is another nice chance for him to be the one in control!
With their next meeting, Mochizuki slams the gas pedal. In this case, Jeanne is not in a condition of vulnerability, there is nothing to blackmail her with at hand, and she's physically better off: it's the first time we see her take charge.
She has finally the chance to show off her better qualities: her sense of honor in repaying debts (Vanitas protected her from a blow from Astolfo before, getting wounded as a result), her level-headedness in difficult situation and her sense of responsibility towards others.
Vanitas, on the other hand, is a wreck. He lost his book, he got wounded, he has got hypotermia, he couldn't prevent Jeanne from stripping him out of the wet clothes and seeing the scars on his body, he has got a fever and is delirious. In this state, he gets a pretty loose tongue: he asks Jeanne some pretty personal questions about her motives here. She stays firm on what she 'has to' do regarding Chloé, but still, this is the first seed of doubt in her mind.
Oh, and there another kinda-kiss. No idea what Jeanne was thinking, passing Vanitas water that way instead of just putting the bottle to his lips.
Anyways, Vanitas really doesn't like not being the one in control. The morning after he acts the coldest he has ever been to Jeanne, dismissing her and then focusing on the task at hand, doing his best to avoid talking about that moment of fragility. Still, he shows some care for her, inviting her to listen to Dante's informations about Chloé.
They have a bit of a conflict of interest in there: Jeanne feels guilty about not fulfilling her duty as a tool and wants to amend by actually killing her mentor, Vanitas wants to save that same person; and, maybe because of personal experience, he has realized that Chloé 's death won't make Jeanne happy.
And how does the situation get resolved? In the sweetest, most actually romantic way possible. Vanitas exposes the truth about Gevaudan to Jeanne, and asks her what she truly wants.
A bit of exposition on Jeanne's past reveals that she has severe trauma after witnessing the death of her parents and being treated as a bourreau, a tool; she's convinced that if she ever acts according to her own will, someone else will be hurt. She's completely broken down by not having been able to kill one of the few people who treated her with kindness, and blames herself for everything that's happened in this arc.
But (after some unwitting influence from Noé) in sweeps our knight in a shining baggy coat, with the following message: she has every right to her desires. He wants to make her happy, he won't die as a result, he's ready to accept all she has to say, without judging her, with no condescension or trying to control her. All she has to do is be the one to give the order, and he'll obey. And she wishes for Chloé to be saved.
Chloé is saved. Her will to live is restored, and she is reunited with the people she loves. Jeanne is, in her own words, 'so happy she could burst', and extremely grateful to Vanitas.
This propels her to first drink his blood, and this time it really doesn't look painful; then to kiss him. And this time, he is the one to blush and stutter, clearly off-balanced by what has happened and by the fact he doesn't dislike it one bit.
The following chapters can be only described as hysterical. Upon actually falling in love, Vanitas enacts the following:
• Spending ten days in bed, thinking he's about to die.
• Believing Jeanne cursed him
• Describing extensively and graphically, in front of Count Orlok, that particular blood-drinking che per come è posto sembra più una trombata
• Getting physically thrown out as a result
• Wandering in a haze, thinking about Jeanne's smile
• Running in a panic after hearing some convenient passerby declare his feelings for a girl with him
• After almost literally stumbling on Roland, sitting down with him and Olivier and trying to get romantic advice from a guy he dislikes and another he has never seen before.
• Trying the 'asking for a friend' trick. Is figured out after an esteemed timeframe of 0.2 seconds.
(Perdonate l'interruzione. La faccia da culo di Roland meritava la condivisione)
• Getting the most desperate look after Roland diagnisizes him with 'love'
• Throwing away all pretenses and expressing outright his self-loathing, to what is pretty much a couple of strangers, in stark contrast with his usual reservation.
• Reacting like a pissed-off cat to any attempts of comfort from Roland and Noé.
Meanwhile, Jeanne ...
Well, actually there is a whole sequence where she realizes she is in love, and describes the same symptoms as Vani in a cheerful, positive way to two flabbergasted Dominique and Luca; but I felt like the above panel was the most culturally relevant.
The point is, now that the feelings are real, Jeanne is the most confident and forward of the two. And this is a pretty great thing for her: as a bourreau, she didn't think love would have played a part in her life; she felt that she was just a tool, but not now, she has realized that she can love and be loved, and this makes her happy and confident. As Dominique observes, she shreds the shyness and insecurity that circumstances had forced on her, and returns to her original, cheerful personality; you can't take your eyes off her.
Still, in a following chapter, she has that little fantasy of a classic fairytale with herself and Vani in the protagonist roles. While it's a very cute and funny scene, it highlights something that Dominique too noticed: she is very black-and-white about Vanitas. She has gone from absolutely loathing him (with good reason!) to absolutely idealizing him (again, he finally acted with real kindness and selflessness towards her, but she doesn't even recognize how awful he was towards her at the start).
This would mean a fair share of problems with any normal person, as nobody is completely horrible or completely good, but with a walking bundle of trauma, contrasting feelings and self-loathing as Vanitas? It's probably a recipe for a disaster.
So! All in all, I admit I really like this couple. I like the possibilities of self-discovery each of them represents for the other: for Vanitas, to realize that his life isn't fixated by whatever happened in his past and that he can have positive relationships with people, and that he can amend his mistakes and receive forgiveness; for Jeanne, to fully experience positive emotions, and acquire a more balanced view of people and situations if her feelings survive the clash with Vanitas's failings.
... that was, before the disaster that was chapter 50. Jeanne has a very good relationship with Dominique, too; she was worried about her, and is likely investigating her disappearence, especially because Luca called specifically for her when he found out about it.
Remember? The same Dominique Vanitas would be willing to let be killed in order to protect his own memories, and even insulted in front of Noé? If Jeanne arrives on the scene, or finds out what happened, she will be forced to a new, decidedly less positive evaluation of Vanitas.
Misha is really being a wrecking ball on whatever halfway positive relationship his brother has, as if Vanitas himself wasn't enough to mess them up.
Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!
#vnc#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no shuki#vnc vanitas#vnc meta#vnc analysis#vnc spoilers#vnc jeanne#elia's recaps
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Dream and Technoblade
So, the Dream and Techno villain duo - a breakdown of their characterization:
Get yourself a rival who will bond with you in prison, laugh at your jokes, argue with your shared torturers, and then leave you hidden Blueprints under the block where you two formed your first alliance. Get yourself someone who is your opposite in many ways, but your equal in so many others.
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Technoblade and Dream have always been the epitome of strength for the server. In that way, they're equals.
They've always been the tanks, the aces up the sleeves, the be-all-end-all. Equals.
They're similar in how they are quick to resort to violence as it's what they're best at. They're similar in how they very easily forget about the innocents they hurt to achieve their separate goals. They're similar in their basic characterization.
In other ways, they're completely different.
Take, for instance, their selfishness:
Both Dream and Techno have always been selfish. Dream's selfishness has been shown in his quest for power, for godhood. It's etched in the exile arc and brought to light in the final showdown where he finally meets his match; Punz's betrayal and the unexpected unification of the server against his, said, greed and selfishness.
Techno's selfishness on the other hand is shown when he sets a goal and sees it through because he is right and no one else can matter. It's seen in how he destroys L'Manburg two times; both times he sees himself to be in the right and pushes aside anyone else's opinion. Both times he takes action based on what he wants.
Dream's lust for power and control pushed everyone else he ever cared for away. He's always been self-serving with a flair for the dramatics (very different for dry-cut Technoblade who's never been impressed by anything thespian or dramatic). Unlike Technoblade, Dream is never happy where he is - he's always wanting something more. He's always been searching for the next big power, the next revival book, the next puppet to manipulate.
Techno's selfishness is different. He's never aspired to be anything more than what he is; Technoblade. All he's ever wanted is to exist without someone hurting him. He's correlated governments and anyone with 'power' to be something that can hurt him or those he cares about so he strikes out at them and destroys them without a second thought.
This basic character trait seems two-dimensional until you see how it's applied to the characters. Dream's selfishness isolated him from any support system and alienated him from his own friends, his own trusted mercenary. Techno's selfishness led him to do anything for those he cared for, even at the expense of others; it created a staunch loyalty that cemented his support system in Philza and now in the syndicate.
They're opposites to one another in how their selfishness formed them, but they're on parallel paths.
Furthermore, there's how these rivals interact with the plot:
Dream's always climbing up the next mountain. Yearning for the next battle. Every time we've seen Dream, except for the prison arc, he's always ready to fight. Always picking, poking, prodding, urging the plot to move along because he is never happy where he is. This is partially due to the fact that the audience never sees Dream except for when he is in a lore stream, whenever he's on the stream he's always turning the gears in the scene. He's either one of the main players or he's a constant threat watching from the sidelines.
Techno, on the other hand, was happy staying stagnant with the plot. The most motivated he saw him was while he was helping take back Manburg, and even then all he was trying to do was tear down the government and establish what he thought would be the next sense of normalcy; anarchy. After he tore down the government himself he took joy in staying stagnant. It almost felt like he was being unwillingly pulled along with the plot that he wanted nothing to do with (not the content creator, but the character) in how he was forced out of retirement by the people he hurt. He always seemed to like the norm. He was happy with Philza, with his house and his farm. He was happy with his crimes and his guilt. He never aspired or wanted anything else except to keep himself and his friends right where they were, without changing because changing could mean pain and Technoblade has made it clear that he does not like to feel pain, especially in the emotional sense.
The prison is a brilliant arc and I will stand by it because it did one crucial thing for these two villains; it brought them back into action. It brought them together.
It gave them both a reason to fight and it gave them sympathy from the audience. Now - before we get into the "abusers should not be given sympathy" argument we have to remember what we're watching here. It's a story. It's a special story in the sense that every character wants their voice to be heard. There's not one narrator behind it who can slight certain characters as the characters are all individually controlled by actual people. Of course, the plot lines are not going to be moral or necessarily 'good' in a moral sense - but they never had been. Dream has made it clear that he's a villain and the prison arc wasn't meant to make everyone go "ohhhhhh poor green bby :( " - it was meant to showcase Sam and Quackity. The prison arc was Quackity's time to develop and grow comfortable in the power vacuum that Dream left behind. It was Sam's time to fall from grace and lose himself. It was Dream's time, for the first time in his character's life, to stay still.
The prison arc poised the question: "What would happen if one of the biggest powerhouses was pulled from play?" What would happen to the plot if the big bad villain wasn't around?
The answer; a new villain/issue rises. Quackity, Wilbur - these people that the audience knows are not truly evil people were able to play around in the sandbox without Dream there to overshadow them.
But what about Technoblade? Well, funny enough the prison arc did for Techno the exact opposite thing it did for his rival. Technoblade gained more power, he made more friends, his syndicate - while not very active (which is fitting for the man who wants nothing more than for everything to stay the same) is still a support system. Dream became less of a threat but Techno remained the same threat he'd always been, just as distant as he always had been, with no reason to throw himself back into the fray.
Until, of course, they were both imprisoned. Now I could go on and on about how Techno's willingness to walk into a trap really spells out the interest he holds for his rival and the trust he holds for Philza. I could go on about how shoving those two rivals together was lovely for these antagonists to grow. But for now, let's focus on what the prison did for the characters in a fundamental sense.
Time in prison taught Dream fear. It taught his character what it felt like to be stagnant. What it felt like for nothing to happen. Now, it remains to be seen what the plot will do now that Dream is free. Will he continue to push it forward just as he had before or will he be more discreet, warier? Perhaps the time in prison will finally teach Dream to be more cautious - but who can say? All that's certain is he will not forget Quackity for what he did, just as Tommy won't forget Dream.
Time in prison for Techno, on the other hand, taught him nothing. All the prison did was reaffirm what Techno always thought; any large institution, anything with power will try to hurt Technoblade. The prison had the same effect on Techno as the Butcher Army did - it pulled him back into the plot kicking and screaming because the greatest warrior on the SMP cannot be allowed to sit idle. What the prison was meant to do was give Technoblade an excuse to come back into the plot, reluctant as ever because that's who he's always been.
So now the two are free, and they have the same goal. History does indeed repeat itself.
Their first alliance was formed in shadow, where Dream refused to outwardly say if whether he supported Pogtopia or not but his actions towards Techno made it clear that he would assist, albeit secretly. They didn't need to share words for both to get what the other wanted.
Their second alliance came after L'Manburg was won back from Schlatt, also forged in whispers. A whisper and an answer that resulted in chaos and destruction for which the two needed no rehearsal.
Their third came to finish off what they'd started, tearing a young country apart. They've never needed to plan, they're so similar that both Dream and Technoblade had prepared to annihilate L'Manburg on their own. All their alliance did was spell absolute decimation.
Now, it begins again. Only fitting their next alliance will go back to the hill where it began, with few words and an equation that spells destruction.
The prison may change Dream. It will not change Techno. Now, they're both out, closer than ever. Two loners, strong in their own right with a vendetta against the world.
It's almost guaranteed that they will be back for vengeance. Either together or on their own. Another similarity they share; they can be vindictive
#dream smp#c!dream#c!techno#c!technoblade#c!quackity#c!sam#This isn't trying to be critical of anyone#Every character has made poor decisions#rivals duo
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Hi Helena! Big fan of your writing here🥺♥️ Your rivamika fics are my safe space 😭 (if you have time to answer) i’d love to know when you first started shipping them, why, and what made you continue to love this ship (or anything else to do with your journey as an RM shipper)? i love your characterisation of both levi and mikasa individually, but even more so, your portrayal of their dynamic as a couple, which is why i wanted to ask so badly ☺️ x
Hey anon! Oh woah, first of all, thank you so much. Second of all, oh god, you probably shouldn't have handed me the mic. heh 😅
I’m afraid to look at the word count of this response, I’m sure it’s much more than you bargained for, but I appreciate the question and enjoyed thinking through my response (: Most importantly, I’m so glad you find my stories as a safe space. It’s really an honor. Thank you for sharing with me 🖤🖤
TL; DR As a longtime reader, writer and lover of stories and story-telling, by being someone who pays attention to how stories are crafted and deliberately developed from beginning to end, I sincerely thought Isayama was setting up rivamika as an endgame relationship. So, I read into and interpreted meaning out of ALL their interactions and became deeply invested.
I don’t necessarily ship them cause of the parallels, age gap, enemies to lover trope, height difference, or some of those common reasons and/or kinks. I’m more basic and boring than that. I love the concept of them coming together as though it’s inevitable.
They both are unbelievably strong, selfless, and have suffered so much loss— so, no one else could truly understand them as well as they can understand each other. They both probably would have always settled for a stable, simple life, and been alone and lonely even without realizing it— instead, they find each other, and realize what it means to actually no longer be alone, to do more than just survive. It’s this understated bond, as opposed to a dramatic and passionate romance, that I envision in them and that I love so much.
Then, the passion, heat, the romantic "spark"— I think that’s an added bonus, the cherry on top, the perfect final puzzle piece. They’re both so physically capable, can speak through their actions, and don’t show much need or capacity for emotional/ verbal communication, so the ability to connect with each other through physical intimacy and mind-blowing sex seems like another given.
Still, at the end of the day, for me it comes back to their ability to fully depend on each other, to the inevitability. Not like some soulmate trope where they 'have no choice' in it, but like the stars aligned to prove it's right. How each of them have only one other person on the whole planet who could see and understand them, to be on par with them, to make them realize there’s more to life than settling and surviving, and they happen to find it in each other.
You asked, I rambled 😅 Here’s a breakdown of my thought process in my rivamika journey. For those who make it to the end or want to skip to the end, I'll finish with the excerpt of the very first rivamika scene I felt compelled to to write.
I've tried before to re-watch and remember the exact scenes, exact moments, that initially captured my full attention, but I guess it was all of them, the gradual and cumulative compilation of their earliest interactions.
Mikasa always appearing cool and indifferent, and paying no attention whatsoever to others fawning over, like Jean initially falling for her, but then her strongly reacting over Levi in the courtroom showed how uniquely capable he was at getting under her skin.
Of course, the scene in the forest chasing the Female Titan was a critical one. I think of that as the first time both Levi and Mikasa were truly able to see the other's strength, mental and physical. And for them, orphans and trauma survivors who have suffered extensive loss, I think that seeing strength in another person made them feel less alone. Less alone in a deep, quiet but cataclysm, life-altering sort of way, even if not a romantic one. Like they didn't know it was something they didn't have, something they didn't expect to get from life, but then found it with each other.
(Even when we found out Levi was an Ackerman, I was disappointed if it meant they were immediate relatives, but willing to accept it wouldn't be a romantic end to loneliness, it would be a familial end to loneliness. But... the author never explored that. Not once.)
In that forest scene, manga and anime, the way that Levi pauses to really look and see Mikasa and think about who she is, what she’s gone through, and how strong and dedicated she is now— that was a defining moment. It was also a visual demonstration of Levi breaking character, from aloof and ruthless, to considering and curious. I thought Yams was showing both of them do that on purpose.
Then, Levi getting hurt because of Mikasa in that scene felt like another clue. Sure, it was while saving Eren, and sure, it could have been meant to humanize super-soldier Levi, or sure, it could have been another aspect of how Mikasa rushing into things over Eren ends up hurting other people that later changes in her character development, but it felt like a very pointed statement about Mikasa being a vulnerability for Levi. And that's swoon-worthy, right? Most of us have been exposed to and conditioned by stories about how special and romantic it is to be the one and only girl who can make an otherwise disinterested or unattainable guy actually pay attention to her, and so admittedly I fall right for it.
I’m sure I’m forgetting plenty, but the opening of season 3 felt like confirmation. When Levi figures out Kenny's behind things and entrusts Mikasa with instructions to share with the others, instructions about fighting people instead of titans that ultimately everyone else besides her struggles with, and when Mikasa lets Levi hold her back from chasing after Eren, her most important way of trusting and having faith in Levi, I honestly took that as cues from the author that rivamika was endgame. I let myself get truly invested from then on. That’s that understated bond I was referring to. To me, that unspoken but undeniable trust is the most important dynamic.
Seeing them fight together or fight similarly has always been fun and powerful and fulfilling.
I'm newer to the snk club. I was originally an anime-only fan and started watching in fall 2019, I think. I wasn't on tumblr, twitter, or anything else to see fandom discourse. So, I didn't know that the rooftop scene of Mikasa fighting Levi over the serum was such a staple for our ship until much later. I love the scene just like many do for all the reasons we do, but I don't think the actual scene was pivotal for me, so much as it's aftermath. I thought it represented two things.
One, it was an important marker in Levi's characterization. Hands-down one of the most striking scenes to me is the one where Levi is in the alley, somber and alone, listening in on Eren, Armin, and Mikasa talking together. It artfully shows his longing for hope and connection. So, when Levi chose Armin for the serum, that represented Levi choosing hope. And when Mikasa ultimately gave up fighting Levi and didn't choose Armin, which Armin finds out about later on, I see that as an important marker in Mikasa's development. It puts a wedge between her and Armin/Eren [Armin, because he knows she would have let him die, and Eren, because Armin is too special to him and he couldn't look at her the same way after realizing she would have let him die]. That distance between her and her childhood friends is one I don't think could ever be healed completely, one of those painful lessons in growing up. By doing that, it then also puts a distance in Mikasa's own childhood self to her current self. I thought that matured her and separated her out in a way that was another clue toward eventual rivamika developments.
That's a whole other conversation on Mikasa, but I’ll stay on track. Her love for Armin was absolutely authentic and fierce, but at the end of the day, at the core of her being, she chose survival over hope. Meanwhile, Levi chose hope over survival. To me, that was soft, fertile ground for the reasons why eventually, if/when Mikasa found hope and chose hope, that could directly tie together with her inevitably in coming together with Levi. Again, less butterflies and fireworks, but more natural and in a way that was just a given.
I wrote Beyond the Walls before reading the manga from the Marley Arc and on, so that's why most of that story is her journey into embracing that hope. *manga spoilers* There's a lot of meta, criticism and talk about Mikasa's silent, off-screen and subtle style of character development in the Marley Arc and afterward. I won't go down that road, I'm still processing the end of the manga to be honest, but I think it's fair to say she does eventually end up choosing hope over survival when she lets go of Eren and saves humanity instead. I love the “Stay with Me” line and think it’s perfect; a simple but profound display of trust and their deep-rooted bond in a really understated way. *end manga spoilers*
Here's something I always wanted to talk about in full but haven't. It honestly reads to me like Yams was building toward rivamika, and didn’t do anything to stop that until too late. There are tools authors can use to ensure we stop shipping a pair or start shipping a new one; love triangles are commonly used in every artistic medium and we’ve all been persuaded by these tools. But Yams didn’t use these tools to make sure readers didn’t feel convinced by rivamika. For all the reasons I listed above, more I'm forgetting, and for the following:
If he wanted us to think they were family and it would be incest, he should have added in a conversation between them realizing they were (close) family and that they weren't the only ones left in their biological family like they thought. But he didn't.
If he wanted us to think it was completely inappropriate between a child-and-adult and student-and-teacher, then he could have done something to ensure Mikasa looked childish or Levi looked older, but no. They barely look ten years apart. I do think it's unacceptable and that there's a power imbalance between a child-and-adult relationship regardless of that, and that there can't be true consent when one is a superior and another a subordinate, so I personally age-up Mikasa in my head and try to handle his position of power responsibly in my writings... but the point being, by the end of canon, there's no inappropriate or non-consensual romance between them, yet there's a lot of history and chemistry that could naturally lead to an age-appropriate and consensual relationship. If Yams didn't want us to think so, he could have made it more clear that there were reasons it wouldn't happen.
The only thing that makes sense to me is the author planned on rivamika endgame but was shamed/pressured out of it (either internally or due to others) OR that the author somehow accidentally created such vibrant chemistry and an incredible dynamic between them. Like, he didn't put enough convincing substance of eremika in, didn't make Levi look old enough, didn’t have one of them do something unforgivable in the other’s eyes, etc. Those are some of those tools he could have used. Romance was never a key component in snk. And since we now know Yams planned or needed eremika endgame for sake of plot and the conclusion of the manga, I personally think he didn't know what to do with the riveting rivamika substance and chemistry being much more convincing to readers. Once he had them so well built-up, maybe the only option he felt he had was to just stop putting the characters together. We get little-to-no rivamika interaction, platonic or practical, after season 3 all the way up until the very end. But there was so much of it beforehand ?? So, it simply doesn't make sense. I think the author just straight-up cut any and all interactions out between them because it was too convincing and moving, more convincing and substantial than eremika. But, as the end of canon shows, we needed to have some eremika buy-in. It's messy writing and unskilled in the romance department, but considering for how long and how complicated snk has been in a creative process and how lackluster the eremika romance (the main and apparently pivotal romance) is developed, I think it’s plausible to say the author effed up.
As far as writing fanfiction goes, there's just so much room to explore them. In canon, we aren't given enough insight into their individual perspectives, let alone their dynamic together, so it feels like a blank canvas to work from. I think that's part of why I love to write them, and also why I don't necessarily read much of them. When I first started shipping them while watching the anime, I read a few of the classics that were canon-verse, but I haven’t really read much since. For me, exploring and discovering them as a writer is the most fun. (It's one of the reasons Naruto and Harry Potter have such large fanfiction collections. There's so much world-building and so many characters, but there's also so much left to the imagination.)
In general, I'm drawn to strong characters, especially women, who are multidimensional enough to be real, vulnerable and soft. Mikasa is the pinnacle of that. I don’t necessarily like to write about her love or infatuation with Eren, but I do respect and admire and consider it integral to her character and her amazing capacity to love. We can have strong, kickass women who falter when it comes to love but are still considered strong for it. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive and Mikasa is a beautiful example of that.
And Levi is strong, but real and vulnerable too; he’s honestly a fantastically developed character, from Petra explaining to Eren in the beginning how he’s not the amazing hero he’s painted to be to the public, to how Levi genuinely cares for Erwin and others and chooses hope despite all he’s suffered.
The end of the manga wrecked me a bit. Kind of like Games of Thrones. You have something that was so epic and well-done for so long, a rushed ending that isn't immediately sensical and isn't fulfilling is hard to stomach. Eventually, I'll move on from the denial of that and process what I think and feel about it. The whole reason we have fanfiction is to expand on canon, but it's made me put rivamika on the back burner until I figure it out. So I'm a little less hyper-fixated on the pairing right now even though interacting with you all and asks like this remind me what brought me here in the first place. 😊
To conclude, I’ll share that the very first rivamika content I wrote was a compilation of moments I thought could be inserted into season 3. These are still moments I plan to edit and publish one day. For anyone that actually read this far, I’ll put a rough and unedited excerpt of the first scene I ever wrote about them.
Thank you again anon 🖤😊
BEGIN EXCERPT [after the rooftop fight for the serum, immediately following the ceremony where Eren touched Historia by kissing her hand]:
Part of her was embarrassed at such a flagrant act of disobedience to a superior, especially to one who saved her and countless others' lives in the past. But mostly, she was anguished by the situation Captain Levi put her in once he revoked the serum meant to save Armin and planned to use it on Commander Erwin instead. Her current ostracization and self-loathing was not entirely her own fault. Anger she felt toward herself was just as easy to wield against him.
It must have shown in the grit of her teeth or defiant tone, because he turned to look at her, more aloof than curious.
Like a flint struck to steel, it ignited the fury she felt toward him.
“I shouldn’t have hesitated. I should have just killed you,” she answered him at last, piercing him with eyes darker than the night.
He wasn’t concerned. “You’re good, but not that good.”
Her hands fell to her side, fists clenched as she stood with a single, fluid movement. Before she could let loose a threat, he sighed.
“What’s the problem, Ackerman?” He was dismissive, his shoulders relaxed and posture loose.
The fire too furious to contain, she went sailing for him with the same speed from the battlefield. Her fingers already curled, she tightened her grasp as she swung her fist into his gods-damned apathetic face.
Levi wasn’t unprepared. He easily side-stepped her, then snatched her wrist to steal her momentum. Though he tried to toss her aside, she was no less fast; Mikasa dug her heel in and spun, her other arm shoving hard into his chest.
Too graceful to stumble, Levi used the chance to hook her second arm too. He caged both her wrists in a grip so strong, she was sure it bruised her bones. Still, he only looked at her warily, almost bored.
“Shouldn’t you be grateful? I chose Armin.” If his reminder was meant to ease her anger, it had the opposite effect.
Fury and desperation gifted her additional strength. She shoved into his chest hard. Levi shifted backward, nearly forced into loosening his grip; within that split second of an opening, Mikasa slammed her elbow into his chin, rocking his head backward.
“You did,” she seethed, but as fast as the fire inside her exploded, it was doused. Her next words came out broken and damp. “But I didn’t.”
Levi remained stern and otherwise unmoving as he attempted to flex his jaw through the spasm of pain. As the momentum of the fight died down, he loosened his hold on her wrists and evaluated her distraught frame.
Mikasa immediately released her own hands and turned away from him, eyes stinging from tears she refused to shed as she focused on the stars ahead. Admitting the harsh words aloud hurt her far more than any injury she could inflict onto him.
Not only was Armin one of the only friends she had, but he’d been a steadfast one throughout almost all she could remember of her life. After the trauma of her childhood, it was Eren and Armin who embraced her, whom she learned to love. Now, though, there was a wedge between her and Armin she was not sure could ever be removed. What was worse, as deplorable and selfish as she knew it proved her to be, was the painful wedge it now put between her and Eren too.
Once again, she found Levi standing at the peripheral of her sight, close enough to see but far enough to be a blur at the edge of her watery vision.
“You almost killed me.” Levi repeated his earlier words, but he said them with an odd bite, torn between frustration and patience. “You would have killed me to save him.”
Too late, Mikasa realized he hadn’t meant these words as an accusation, but an odd form of validation. She bit her bottom lip, teeth puncturing too hard; the tang of metal was sharp on her tongue when she swallowed blood.
“You thought about letting your closest friend die,” Levi said quietly, tiredly. “But I did let mine die. I left him for dead, when I could have saved him.”
Mikasa was startled from her selfish reverie, for the first time acknowledging the sacrifice he made on that fateful afternoon. She’d been too absorbed in her own relief, and then, her own regrets to consider what the decision had done to him.
For a brief moment, she considered turning to face him, but the stark reality of the matter made her refrain. How could she feel pity for his loss, when his loss enabled her gain? An uncomfortable knot tightened in her stomach.
“Tch,” Levi sighed. He was only one notch less taciturn, but for him, that was soft. “You’ll live with your guilt, and I’ll live with mine.”
His words granted Mikasa’s tears the permission to spill. She buried her face further into her scarf, both hands trembling at the worn threads. As quietly as he arrived onto the roof, Levi disappeared from it.
.
.
It was rare for him to indulge in alcohol or celebrations, but Erwin’s absence felt more tangible than his presence ever did. Levi distracted himself with the chaos of the few remaining Scouts that Erwin had died entrusting his legacy to, and attempted to drown the pain with whatever drink Connie Springer shoved into his hands.
He found Hanji with their ale long-forgotten about on the table as they half-stood from their seat, frantic while explaining some morbid experiment in great, vivid detail to an unsuspecting and slightly horrified MP officer.
Though Levi wordlessly took the seat beside them, Hanji paused their rant to slap him hard on the back, an enthusiastic greeting flying from their drunken lips. The MP took this chance to excuse himself, a pathetic attempt at politeness, but Hanji either didn’t care or didn’t notice.
“Ah, Levi,” they smiled at his drink, though it didn’t entirely reach their one eye. “Where you been?”
Levi didn’t answer. “You know, shitty-glasses, you’re even more unbearable about your experiments when you’re drunk.”
Hanji waved dismissively and reached for their ale. Years spent in battle and command together had gifted both of them with an eased familiarity, and sometimes, genuine friendship. In the same manner he ignored their question, Hanji ignored his lack of response and went on with their original inquiry.
“Careful, Captain,” Hanji warned lightly. “Now that there’s far fewer Scouts, you having a favorite might cause some division.”
Even though Hanji meant the words, there was a glint of mischief that twinkled in their remaining eye.
“It’s not favoritism,” Levi countered bluntly, turning his vision toward the young man on the far side of the room. “Eren is simply the best chance that we have in this war.”
Hanji laughed as if he’d made a joke and Levi looked back to stare at them, unable to be surprised at their quirks or oddities any longer, but still a touch curious about what spurned this current demonstration.
“I wasn’t talking about Eren,” Hanji said at last, a pointed nod toward his injured chin.
Levi blinked. He didn’t realize he was nursing his injury with the hand not on his drink. As though it were too hot to touch, Levi dropped his hand.
Hanji was not judgmental, nor inquisitive. In a war-torn life of losing too many cadets entrusted to him, the fact that Levi found a soldier with the strength and skill to remain safe was not only rare, but worth special attention. Still, it made him too lenient.
“Sometimes I think you’d let her get away with murder,” Hanji chided halfheartedly.
When he thought of Erwin dead in his grasp, sometimes he wasn’t sure if he already had.
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I really liked your aisha meta about her bonding and i was wondering what you think is her biggest weakness? And the other characters too if that's okay. Thank you:)
Oh thank you!! Hmm I had to think about this one for a second but I'll try to give you some good answers! Though to be fair, I think most of what I listed are things that have already been said aljdhgjladg
I do want to note, I think all of the major characters had room for growth and self-development especially within the first three seasons. We all know that characterization made a huge nose dive after season 4, so I'm not really going to be talking about the later seasons as they aren't super representative of their personalities (however, i will occasionally mention them for certain characters). \
Anyway, onto our beloved characters mental issues and why they should all be in therapy <3
The Winx
Bloom: I think Bloom is actually a very well rounded main character! She has positives and negatives and those don't often conflate with each other (and I think most of her "too perfect" characterization comes from later seasons). Because of that, I had a hard time thinking about what her biggest weakness is because,, she has a few. However, I think something that stays very consistent throughout the series is her escapism. Bloom is a major escapist, especially when she's feeling unworthy. She has a lot on her plate! And a lot of people rely on her, which naturally can lead to some pretty heavy thoughts ("Am I doing the right thing?" "Do I deserve to be the leader?" "What if they're safer without me?"), however those feelings, when they become too much, often leave her feeling like people are truly better off without her. Then she runs off to Gardenia or she shuts people out or she takes on some dangerous mission just to get away from people. Her escapism often leaves everyone, including her, feeling shitty and it would've been nice to see her grow from that.
Stella: Hmmm, so again most of the early characterization gave the characters a couple of weaknesses so I had a hard time thinking of what Stella's biggest one would be. However, something that I've always noticed about Stella that's always made me feel bad, is her extreme I Need To Fit In Or No One Will Love Me attitude. And obviously that goes into her childhood and upbringing, but it's something that stays with her even after meeting the Winx and having all those You're Perfect The Way You Are talks with Bloom. She often changes her personality/attitude/emotions to fit what she thinks other people will like most. But that heavily goes into her insecurities of thinking people only like her because she's pretty or a princess. Stella's a smart girl and she notices how people respond to what she's doing. But when she's changing something about herself to get others to like her and they respond positively to it? That's horrible for her overall self-esteem and to her just confirms her fears that people don't love her for her true self.
Edit: I absolutely don't want to come off as if I'm saying Stella's personality is fake! Here's a further explanation for hers!
Flora: I think some people might disagree with me on this one, but I genuinely believe Flora's biggest weakness is how often she rushes into something. On one hand, it's admirable and shows how strong she is, but on the other hand, it says a lot about how she lets her emotions run her and often doesn't think things through when someone she loves is in danger or she thinks she needs to do something Right Now. Unless someone else prompts it, Flora often doesn't plan or try to think things through rationally. I don't think it's a bad thing to be in tune with your emotions, but it can become a weakness when you only ever think with your heart and what it's feeling at That Moment In Time. Instead of trying to think rationally or make a plan, Flora often just follows her heart immediately, but that can be a bad thing when her heart is hurting and she's not thinking clearly.
Aisha: It's definitely her attitude of needing to appear emotionally strong all the time. Aisha gives more of herself than she receives from others and a lot of that comes from her need to be seen as Reliable and Good. However, that often means she doesn't get the time to sit with how she's feeling or she pushes her emotions down. She doesn't want people to know that she's feeling upset because she doesn't want people to feel bad for her or use their energy to comfort her. Aisha is definitely a "other people have it worse so what happened to me doesn't matter" kind of person and that's often what hurts her the most. She doesn't let herself be vulnerable and often only does so when she truly can't handle it by herself anymore. And I think this heavily goes into her childhood and how she's had to be independent from a very young age. Aisha doesn't know how to let other people in.
Tecna: Hmmm, on one hand I'd like to say it's her internal battle with her logical side vs her emotional side,, so I'm going to. Personally, I think Tecna is a lot better at emotions than she gives herself credit for, and I think that's her biggest weakness. She doesn't give herself any credit when it's something that doesn't come naturally to her. Tecna had to work on being more emotive and reading other people's emotions correctly and by S2 she's already doing so much better than she was, but she refuses to recognize that. Tecna is so stuck in the "what if i'm too logical/not emotional enough and my friends hate me because of it" headspace that she doesn't even see the progess she has made. Honestly, Tecna being too logical/not emotional enough hasn't been a real issue for years and she doesn't even realize that. It's a little ironic actually, she's so caught up in her emotions about being too logical she can't see how far she's come.
Musa: Her trust issues. Personally, I think Musa's biggest weakness is her problem with trusting people. Because she just.. doesn't. Musa has a really hard time letting people in (for rightful reasons) but she once she does let them in, she has a hard time trusting them too. This is most obvious with her relationship with Riven, but it also comes out with the Winx! She's constantly scared that people are going to leave her or that they don't really like her or that they do like her but she's going to end up driving them away and all of that negatively impacts her relationship with others. She just,, doesn't trust people and has an even harder time trusting herself. I think if Musa had been allowed to truly work through that, she would be much happier.
The Specialists
Sky: I think Sky's biggest weakness is pretty obvious! It's that he does not know how to interact with people. I think I'm one of the few people that doesn't actually hate Sky. I hate that, just like the other characters, he had room for improvement and self-realization, which got scrapped almost instantly for Perfect Prince Sky. Sky, like most of the other royal characters, grew up pretty lonely (and his parents are abslute shit). The only other people he would ever talk to are members of his family, other royals, or people who weren't royal but were close enough to it (ie Brandon and even Diaspro depending on which canon you go by). Because of this, Sky has a really hard time interacting with people in a casual setting. He's great in royal settings and all their missions, but that's because he's allowed to and supposed to act all serious and Business Like. When it comes to talking to people in casual settings, he often fails because he doesn't understand "normal" people and he's never been allowed to just,, sort through his own feelings. It would've been amazing to Sky grow from this, because even in the first season you see hints of Sky rejecting royalty and wanting to be normal. MAN I wish Sky got proper characterization, he would've been so much better if he did.
Brandon: Oh man,, I had a really hard time with this one, because Brandon honestly doesn't have a lot of weaknesses? I think something that could be considered a weakness is that,, he's very devoted once he decides he cares about someone. Which isn't bad! But it often puts him in dangerous situations because he wants to save someone. Like anytime Sky gets into trouble, Brandon is for sure right by his side. Or if someone messes with Stella? Brandon's there. And again, this definitely isn't a Bad Thing, but it can put his own life in danger. And in their line of work it often does. However, I do think this is mostly evened out because of Brandon's ability to call for help and think of a plan. He doesn't often just jump into things unless it's absolutely necessary. He's able to think things through clearly and strategize. Sorry anon but I honestly can't think of any Big Weakness for Brandon, because most of his weaknesses are evened out by some positive. (Like, I was going to say he's a bit of a pushover but,, is he? Then I thought well maybe it's because he's ready to die for Sky,, but like. That's his job? Idk man,, any Brandon stans wanna chime in please?)
Timmy: Hmmm I, once again, had some troubles with this one. Timmy has a few weaknesses, mostly in the insecurity region, but I had a hard time figuring out what his Biggest Weakness is. After some thought, I think it's his eagerness to prove himself, specifically when he doesn't need to. I think this definitely evened out in the later seasons once he got some confidence, but in the early seasons Timmy really wanted to prove himself. He wanted to prove that he was a good specialist, a good friend, a good partner,, just,, everything. He was really set out to prove that he was capable of things. This often put him in dangerous situations that he couldn't handle or something he could handle but was too nervous to. It didn't help that in early seasons some of the other characters doubted his abilities (cough tecna cough). But again, I think this really evened out by S4 and it's not a big problem anymore.
Riven: Ugh goodness where to start.. I think Riven's biggest weakness is actually a mix of Musa's and Timmy's. Riven has a hard time trusting people, especially himself, and he's constantly trying to prove himself. He wants to be seen as reliable and Good and that's where a lot of his competition with other characters, mostly Sky, comes in. But that heavily mixes with his distrust and hatred toward himself. I think most of his Trying To Prove Himself is actually him trying to prove something to himself. He's constantly looking down on himself and that need to prove and be better than other people is a product of that. And I think that's also why he has problems with letting people in. Obviously, he has some general trust issues, with wondering if people just don't like him and what not, but a lot of it is not trusting himself and not letting people get close to him because of that. Riven's biggest weakness is that he doesn't give himself any credit for the progress he's made and is constantly doubting whether or not he's a good person. And that messes with his relationships a lot because he thinks he's not good enough to be around people and that sparks his need to to prove himself. And even when his friends do try to comfort him or say he's enough, he doubts that too. Riven has a lot of problems but most of them go into how much he hates himself.
Helia: Well, as one of the resident Helia stans, I've thought about this a lot. And I've got to say, his biggest weakness is his complete inability to talk about himself. A lot of people think Helia is really good at talking about emotions, but that's only partially true. He's good at talking about other people's emotions. When it comes to himself,,, he's a mess. Helia is consistently really bad at sharing his feelings and even just general tidbits about his life (evidenced by all the times he does/says something and the others get surprised because they never knew that,, years into their friendship). However, this often strains his relationships with people because they end up thinking he hates them or doesn't trust them or something else. While I have my own issues with the later seasons, S5 did a really good job at focusing on this in the show (when it really only ever got hinted at or shown in the comics). The whole Flora/Helia/Krystal thing was a major product of Helia never sharing anything about his own life and Flora's insecurities over if she's good enough. With the mix of being able to talk to people about their feelings, but never his own, it creates this really awkward situation of people just like,, not knowing things about him and then doubting their relationship, but then not being confident enough to express that because Helia still talks to them about their feelings so he must care about them!! .. but does he? It's this internal struggle of he's obviously a friend but why doesn't he ever share anything about himself?? This is even shown in his relationship with Saladin, a literal family member!
I'm.. gonna stop here for now ajghaljdhglj I'm sorry this got so long! And that some of them were shorter than others..
#i did the specialists too because i wanted to talk about timmy and i would feel bad if i only included him#sorry this got so long but i hope you enjoy nonetheless#let me know your thoughts though! especially if you disagree! as long as youre not rude about it i love to hear what others think about thi#winx club#winx meta#answered#anonymous#i didnt proofread this sorry if theres mistakes ahgdljadg#mine.metas
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in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim
Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.
Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.
Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.
Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.
Season 7
7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”
7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”
7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.
7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.
7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”
Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)
8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel. Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”
8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” // Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”
8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”
8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!
8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”
8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…
8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”
8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."
8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).
8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"
Season 9
9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”
9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.
9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).
9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”
9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.
9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.
9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.
9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”
9x23 – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”
Season 10
10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.
10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.
10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references.
10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.
10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.
10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.
10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.
10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.
10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.
10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.
Season 11
11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.
11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.
11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.
11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"
11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.
Season 12
12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.
12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.
12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”
12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”
12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).
12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.
Season 13
13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.
13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).
13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”
13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”
13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.
13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!
13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.
13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.
Season 14
14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.
14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.
14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.
14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”
14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.
14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.
14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]
14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.
Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)
15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.
15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”
15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.
15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.
15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.
15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is).
15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.
15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.
15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.
15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.
#Anonymous#thanks for coming to my ted talk#im posting this at 2:30 am so i'll most likely reblog it at a more reasonable hour ..in case anon is closer to my time zone#why am i even saying this..im sleepy#destiel#answered#destiel episode guide#there might be number/name mistakes because again sleepish.forgive me#long post
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LuNa analysis: Emotional and Intellectual chemistry
This is a special edition meant to help a friend explain this aspect of Luffy and Nami's relationship as potrayed in Oda's works (excludes the anime adaptation). It's no something truly new, it's more like a summary of multiple analyses made in this blog and other places.
The first time we mentioned this particular subject in this blog, the idea was to showcase the difference between "sexual tension" and the concept of chemistry.
Shallow fans sometimes used both terms interchangeably as if they were the same thing. Well, they're not.
Chemistry refers to the natural connection between two persons, a common feeling between two characters that leaves a impact strong enough to move their hearts and stimulate their minds. Needless to say, it's something complex, sometimes subtle, but very appealing.
It's not something tied to sexual attraction, and it's definitively not a mere infatuation. It's something much deeper than that...
However, some popular newcomers to the One Piece community mistake this concept with "dynamic." They may focus on character(s) they grow fond with, and then claim their dynamic is a sign of "chemistry" because of how much they like it.
The "character dynamics" would refer to the way characters work with or against each other within the story. While chemistry is about how the characters bond with each other throughout the story.
But then, how does LuNa showcase actual chemistry? By relying on more than one kind of chemistry.
We've seen it before, the development of a bond that grows naturally through mutual trust/faith, with the most importat trait being the capability of regulating the partner's emotions.
This kind of chemistry is marked by emotional support producing a remarkable attachment. In such a relationship, the distressed person feels comfortable enough to express their anxiety, grief, and helplessness to their partner because said partner is capable of providing with relief, comfort, and/or hope.
It's probably starting to sound familiar, right? LuNa fans would certainly think of Arlong Park and the pass of the hat, a gesture that provided Nami with the relief and hope she needed to stand up and keep going.
But, we have the moments from Skypiea too:
When she was overwhelmed by fear and doubts, Luffy does something similar, but this time is to remind Nami that she's the companion of the future Pirate King, and as such, she has nothing to fear.
It was so effective that it led to a remarkable character moment from Nami, and her brief skirmish with Enel, in which she drew courage from her captain.
That creates enough confidence for Nami to open her heart when there's something troubling her. Remember Water 7? After learning the truth about Robin's desertion, and shortly after missing the train Robin got in, Nami didn't seem distressed at all. In fact, she got up determined and unwilling to give up.
But, how did she act when she got the chance to explain the truth to Luffy?
She and displayed the helplessness, frustration, and sadness she truly felt when she got to Luffy.
A smilar scene plays out when we get to Zou. Sanji was taken away, and while Nami seemed ok and even elated at the fact Luffy and the rest are back, is when she's in Luffy's arms that she once again expresses how helpless and anguished she feels...
This is how emotional chemistry looks like! It's not about meaningless flattery, flowery words, nor a mere infatuation. It's about growing attached to one another through a strong companionship, mutual trust/faith, offering support/comfort when needed.
Now, true chemistry occurs when characters affect each other in meaningful ways. And Nami also has an effect on Luffy. When Oda wrote the Strong World movie, we get to see how she affects her captain. When Nami got no other choice but leave a message in which she seemingly doubts Luffy's strength and capabilities, Luffy reacts this way...
This shows how much Luffy values the perception Nami has of him.
Another perceptive reader explained the difference between this situation and Ennies Lobby. During that massive rescue mission "Luffy is angry at Robin for not worrying about her own safety." In Strong World, the idea of Nami not believing in him is something Luffy takes personal. And as explained in multiple posts, we later learn Nami never stopped believing in Luffy, and the idea of Luffy hearing about it was pretty embarrassing to her.
Well, what about Intellectual Chemistry?
This is a tricky one, because most people think is having a similar level of intelligence. But, even in real life, it's pretty likely potential partners have different degrees of education, so they're not always going to perfectly click or match in this regard.
Then, how people can develop this kind of chemistry under such circumstances? One of concepts of intellectual chemistry is the capability of challenging each other's perspective and beliefs on subjects and matters relevant to both persons.
LuNa fits the second bit, for the greatest challenge each character's perspective has is the other's...
...Nami’s character from the very beginning had a very clear distate for pirates and had trouble trusting others. Her perspective served as not only a contrast to Luffy's idealism, but also as a challenge Luffy and his ideals had to actively overcome.
This kind of chemistry covers other aspects that, even people who are not fond of LuNa, could see and mention. For example:
Unlike Zoro, Robin, and others crewmates who, more often than not, go along with Luffy's course of action without questioning their captain, Nami is usually the one who challenges Luffy's decisions. It makes sense given Nami's role, as she herself explained in Weatheria...
While Luffy is the one who chooses where to go, Nami is the only one can get him where he wants to go. She seeks to provide Luffy with the guidance he needs to survive his journey. She’s the compass leading Luffy towards his adventures.
Now, Intellectual Chemistry not only consists of challenging each other’s perspectives, it’s also about openly discussing each other’s ideas with the right mindset, not because you’re trying to win an argument, but as a mean to learn more about your partner, and as a result, you get to better understand that significant person and both parts work together as a team.
In this regard, it's true Nami is one who questions Luffy the most, but she doesn't actively try to change his mind, instead she attempts to get Luffy to rationalize his choices. And once Luffy voices out his reasons and/or motivations for doing something, she offers her assitance and full support. We see one example in Skypiea:
At first, she questions why Luffy is making such a great effort to climb the beanstalk and fight Enel a second time, Nami even urges him to stop and flee with her. She keeps pushing until Luffy clearly states why he's not running away.
Nami could easily run away on her own, but as soon as she understands Luffy’s reasons, she stays, and they’re able to work together to ride the beanstalk so Luffy can finally defeat Enel.
This is not one-sided either. If we go to the Dressrosa arc, we got Nami communicating Luffy her plan of splitting into two teams to keep Ceasar and Momonosuke away from Doflamingo.
And Luffy not only fully supports her idea, he even follows it up with a mission for the team that stayed at Dressrosa.
Another possible example could be one particular scene from the Zou arc. Luffy’s original intent was going to rescue Sanji on his own...
...until Nami reminds him how much he needs her and her navigation skills to keep going. Luffy accepts the reasons she gave him, and alters his original plan accordingly.
We can find other moments to showcase this aspect of their relationship, but to make things short, we can sum it up like this: when their different perspectives clash, they challenge each other’s ideas to the point of gaining a better understanding of each other, and end up acting according to that understanding, they display Intellectual chemistry.
Bonus: Physical Chemistry?
I wasn't going to include this one, but given a japanese fan brought it up ages ago, I decided to leave a couple of scenes that may fit the concept.
That japanese fan based his comment on Strong World, the movie written by Oda. To make it short, physical chemistry doesn't necessarily means "sex" either, it really comes down to how comfortable a person feels with their partner. However, the details and quirks in this particular kind of chemistry vary from people to people. Just like it can vary from writer to writer.
We often mentioned in this blog certain moment in Fishman Island, where Nami had no problem with Luffy wrapping himself around her...
...she indeed bickered with Luffy, but it was about Luffy's wanting to venture through a dangerous route rather than their physical closeness. A nice way to show how comfortable she feels around him. In contrast, she doesn't pull any punches, or thunders, when punishing people for pervying around her. Something that remains consitent even in the Wano arc (at least in the original source: the manga)
Regardless of whether or not these count as “physical chemistry,” we can still appreciate how Oda crafted a solid emotional chemistry, and intellectual chemistry as well, in the way he wrote Luffy and Nami.
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To Topple A Giant || Chapter Two
Summary: You had made it your mission to destroy even the smallest evils. When the opportunity arises to finally take down your own family after years of gaining their trust, you reach for it. And so does Steve, the man who represents a symbol of everything you hate.
Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Reader || Avengers x Reader
Part 2 of 10 ~ Mini-Series
Warnings: This story contains mature themes and discussions such as extreme canon violence, strong language, emotional angst, mentions of Endgame deaths and recoveries, sexual situations, and emotional/physical abuse. All trigger warnings will be listed before the chapter. This is purely fanfiction.
Warnings in this chapter: brief reference/hint to past sexual assault.
Word Count: 7,500+
A/N: Thank you so much for your excitement about this series! I always smile when I read your comments. Sorry for such a long chapter, but it’s only ten parts and I gotta fit all somewhere lol
~
Unknown Location, 2015, 10:46pm
The tightness of the rope wrapped around your wrists was excruciating, each movement causing it to rub against the already damaged skin, leaving more angry, red marks. You whipped your head back and forth, anger and fear coursing through your veins as you stared your father down. You watched as he carefully maneuvered his way around the room, every back straightening as he walked past them, every gun cocked and pointed right at you. Your nose twitched up as he walked closer, inspecting the ropes tying your feet to the chair and so on. You accumulated all the spit you could and aimed it for his face, pride washing over you as it hit him perfectly. But as quickly as that pride built, it shattered, a stinging sensation on your cheek now overpowering any other sense.
“You cost me ten million.”
You bit back a laugh, careful not to let it slip as you did not want another beating. “I did what I had to do. You would have done the same!”
“Don’t tell me what I would have done!”
You flinched inwardly, your face still blushing with growing madness. If only you could loosen these bonds…
“You will know to not mess up again.”
And as your father left the room, the men lined up against the wall finally let their shoulders fall forward, their once blank faces now donning sadistic smiles.
The Compound, 2018, 2:07am
You sat up from your mound of pillows, kicking them to the side as well as the heavy blanket. Your ears rang impossibly loud, and it wasn’t until your feet touched your bedroom floor that you could hear yourself screaming. Your body was drenched in sweat, sliding easily on your wood floor as you kicked to escape the blanket.
Sharp knocks against your door startled you, sudden ‘please, don’t!’’s escaping your mouth. Hyperventilating was always tiring, you thought, and the air was now super cold as you sucked it into your lungs.
“Doll, please? I’m coming in.”
The light from the hallway blinded you so you lifted your arm up as a temporary shield.
“No, no! I’m good… I didn’t lose it. Please, trust me!”
“Y/N…”
You lowered your arm and stared at your nighttime intruder, instincts kicking in upon settling your teary eyes on him and causing you to groan in displeasure.
“Don’t look at me.”
“Y/N.”
“I said don’t look at me.”
Steve sighed in defeat and walked back to your door. You thought he was going to simply leave you be, letting you ride out this panic attack alone like all the others. But he shut the door and made his way over to your couch on the other side of the room, plopping himself down and leaning his sleepy head in his right hand. It had been six months since the world literally fell apart, an unknown feeling of terror that simply sat at the pit of stomachs eating away at whatever sanity its host still had, plaguing the world. Tiredness was second nature, never actually reducing its power no matter how much sleep one got. But leaving you here to suffer each individual thread being pulled from your remaining sanity, alone, wasn’t an option.
“Why are you staying?”
“I have nightmares, too. You aren’t that special.”
You rolled your eyes, hands now massaging your aching chest. “It wasn’t anything.”
“Y/N, you were screaming for help.”
“I scream for a lot of things.”
You figured Steve would succumb to his growing annoyance, but he stayed patient.
“Was it about…?”
You sighed and pulled yourself up to your feet, knees wobbly and thighs alerting you of the droplets of sweat that beaded down your legs. “No. I don’t dream about the snap.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
You let out a rather angry sigh. You were now rubbing your eyes, cleaning them of the accumulation of hard mucus. “I seriously don’t want to talk about this particular incident.”
Steve huffed through his nose and you were ready to pounce on him to tear that beard from his face, but stopped when you saw his small smile and genuine empathy in his eyes. “Okay, I won’t push you.”
You just stared at him, eyes wide and confused. But you nodded slowly, eyes now diverting to the blanket below you.
“I’m just so fucking happy the snap took my father.”
Steve’s lifted his head quickly by your abrupt confession, eyebrows furrowed and lips frozen, as if wrapped around a lost word he couldn’t verbally address. He understood, but it shocked him nonetheless.
He ignored it, or at least chose to avoid an immediate discussion about it, and stood from your couch.
“Are you going to be okay?”
You wanted to throw him out. Him being across the room and near the wall was starting to trigger more flashbacks.
It’s Steve. It’s just Steve.
“Can you stay?”
Steve stumbled slightly in his step, clearly uncomfortable with your request. But he was a good man and when one of his teammates needed help, he would do whatever he could. And you were one of the only teammates he had left.
“Okay,” he said. But as he made his way back to the couch and away from you, sudden racks of itchiness stretched from your wrists to the middle of your chest. You stumbled from the bed, arms extended outward as if you were still shielding yourself from some incoming attack.
“No, no! Just…”
Steve watched your movements carefully, trying to discern between fear or awkwardness. He sighed and let you see his hands, turning them over in the air.
“It’s me. Tell me where you want me.”
You were in control. Just tell him where you want him.
“I’ll lay here,” you started, getting back into the right side of the bed and pulling the covers up to your hips. “You there, but upside down.”
Steve chuckled and followed your commands. You watched him walk, feeling the dip of your mattress as his heavy body lay down. You were grateful when his sock-covered feet touched your left side pillow, his chuckles gaining volume as he tried to get comfortable.
“Do I at least get a blanket?”
“Oh!” you leapt from the bed and to the closet. He listened to your soft pitter-patter as you shuffled across the cold floor, shutting his eyes to relish in the childish melody. You passed Steve two heavy blankets, mindful of the cold weather outside. Then you climbed back into bed, passing Steve a few pillows, and snuggling back into your own.
A few shifts of the blankets made you open your eyes again. Steve was not as stiff as you expected him to be - almost like he wanted to help you - and you mentally slapped yourself remembering that he would do this for Bucky.
“Steve?”
“Hmm?”
You took solace in the fact that he couldn’t see the tiny grin on your face. “Thank you.”
Steve smiled up at the ceiling, thankful that he could still help others even when he himself was falling apart. “You’re welcome.”
Present Day, 2025, 9:45am
If anyone were to truly study Steve, they would see he was starting to act his age. He enjoyed fluffy socks, tea instead of coffee, sketching in the secluded garden of the new compound - anything a man pushing a hundred would truly enjoy. And he found himself shaving less, watching every new movie released regardless of genre, and eating much more oatmeal than usual. He remembers how whenever Bucky had saved up just enough for them to splurge on items they never usually indulged in, oatmeal would always be his go to. It was still a common ‘peasant’ meal for the two young bachelors, but Bucky would heat it up with fresh milk he had bought that morning, added the fresh strawberries and dates that were in season, and sprinkled brown sugar - damn, Steve loved brown sugar - on top. Bucky would place the bowl in front of Steve, ignoring Steve’s constant blabbering about ‘Buck, we can’t afford this’, or ‘you don’t need to spend your hard-earned money on me, you jerk’. But he would quickly shut up once Bucky’s perfected oatmeal recipe landed on his eager tongue and filled his happy stomach. Regardless of those past memories of young roommates searching for loose change in their couch and more recent ones of two reunited best friends sharing looks of awe whenever they saw how much milk and brown sugar now costs, Steve was certain the old man in him was just barely emerging.
He definitely didn’t skip the irritated attitude phase every old man seemed to develop as the years passed, his resting facial expressions and movements starting to match those of his best friend. Grumpy, tired all the time regardless of the serum, and asking each other instead of the modern people around them how to work their phones. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed, or go on a jog, or watch a movie - anything - rather than having to give a briefing about something he hadn’t had to think about for seven years. And although he had the chance to use the stones before and didn’t, Steve couldn’t quite help wishing that he was transported back to his and Bucky’s old and crumbling apartment, fighting over that one knitted blanket Bucky had bought for the both of them with his last dime.
You seemed happier with your whole family situation after the snap, but he never wanted to ask. Whether you were putting on a brave face for him, he was rid of it momentarily only to be pushed into the chaos all over again. But this time was different because you were finally going to end it all. Finish what you had started all those years ago - then maybe Steve could take that afternoon nap he wanted.
“Talk to me. How are we doing this?”
Fury pulled up a screen with all the photos and biographies, essentially a powerpoint prepared by both you and Steve.
“I’ll do whatever you ask of me, sir. But I know my family and their schemes better than anyone,” you said. Fury knew this was true and the plan would ultimately be mapped out by you. His input was always welcome, but you knew the small details - their personalities, their weaknesses, their strengths, even the way they took their coffee. You even knew which of them sampled their product before sending it off on a cross-country road trip.
Steve stood beside the monitor, using this finger to change the screen. “So, we’re looking for our physical proof. A paper trail detailing land and their product, contacts, storage units, aliases - the works.”
You nodded at Fury and your teammates. “Exactly. The hardest things to obtain will most definitely be evidence about my father’s involvement. Proof he gave the orders and profited from them.”
“Your word isn’t enough?” Sam asked.
“No, not unless I throw myself under the bus as well. It’s his word against mine unless I can prove these things were all his doing,” you responded, taking a sip from your water.
The only other people in the briefing room besides Steve and Fury were Sam, Bucky and Scott. Everyone else would get a brief overview later on this week, but these three were specifically chosen by Fury to help aid you in the actual physical fight.
“The wedding is the perfect distraction,” Scott spoke. “Almost like this was made for a heist.”
Steve released a heavy sigh, his patience already wearing thin. “Not a heist.”
“Close enough,” Scott shrugged, gaining a grin from you across the table. He smiled at your reaction and sent you a wink.
“Agent, we have to go over the basics and any new information you can provide,” Fury encouraged.
You motioned toward Steve to bring up the photos on the monitor, “Let’s start with the basics.”
Steve took over for the first portion of your presentation. You didn’t mind - in fact, the more control he had in this would certainly help ease his mind and you definitely did not want a stressed out Steve Rogers accompanying you on a twelve hour road trip.
“Ernesto Vega, father of Y/N Y/L/N, born 1950 in Guadalajara, Mexico, but because of the snap, the 80 year old is still only 75.”
“Damn, your father is old!”
You laughed at Sam’s outburst, “Yup, and I got like ten half-siblings.”
Sam sat up straighter, “No way?”
“Way.”
“Daniel Seda,” Steve continued, his voice louder. “Vega’s second in command, born 1970, currently 55 years old. Took over as top commander after the snap, and according to Y/N he didn’t take it well when everyone was brought back.”
“Hmm, threatened to put another bullet in me,” you teased, pointing at your stomach where the scar underneath your shirt had already long healed. You could have sworn you heard Steve’s breath hitch, but even if it did, he had quickly covered it by swiping the monitor.
“But her father saw this as proof of loyalty. Because no matter how much he knows Y/N hates him, she still brought him back.”
You lifted your shoulders, arms in the air as if imitating the nonverbal form of ‘oh, well!’, and your thin smile caused your cheeks to pop out comically.
“So, Seda hates you?” Bucky asked, chuckles still vibrating in his chest from your previous childish movements.
You brushed your hand through the air, “Not the first man to hate me and not the last.”
Steve snickered. You could say that again.
“The wedding will be held at Vega’s personal and private ten-acre ranch in Northern California-”
“A lovely fall wedding!”
Steve bit his tongue, eyes never leaving the monitor. “Sure… and it’s perfect. He’s wanted and he’s going to be on U.S soil.”
You stood from your chair and grabbed the electronic marker from the desk. You circled the main points of entry plus the directions of secret exits hoping to emphasize the ‘private’ part of Steve’s statement. “And since it’s his most private getaway and no one would suspect he would hide important shit on said U.S soil, I’m about ninety-eight percent sure our proof is there.”
You pulled up the blueprints and marked a giant ‘X’ on the farthest corner room in the west end. It was your father’s office.
“Ninety-eight?” Sam asked, reviewing the printed blueprints himself.
You twirled the marker between your fingers, “My dad is clever. My other two percent is telling me there’s no evidence at all.”
Scott clutched his chest in relief, “Okay, at least one outweighs the other.”
You shared another laugh with the ‘regular-sized man’.
Steve continued listing the basics, all while Fury sat toward the edge of the long table reviewing the screen. “The other two big names in the drug game are Omar Ramirez and Marcus White. Ramirez runs most things from Mexico City to San Antonio, Texas and he’s probably the least evil of them all. White runs Europe, specifically Germany and England.”
You interjected, “Ramirez focuses on the product. He orders his men to focus on the business instead of the outside world - meaning, no unnecessary kills, no violence toward women and children, no killing cops or citizens. Just producing and transporting.”
Almost forgetting he was there, Fury’s voice somewhat startled you. “Vega has lost men to Ramirez, men who wanted a change in scenery.”
You nodded in confirmation, “They aren’t necessarily enemies but they’re no besties either.”
Sam rolled the blueprints back up and handed them to Bucky. “So, we’re taking them all down?”
“The big three. Plus Seda,” Steve declared, finally taking his first sip of water in what felt like forever. If he didn’t want anyone to know he was nervous about this mission, he was for sure failing.
You hummed, “Vega and Seda are also the only ones who know of Steve’s involvement.”
“How’d that happen?” Bucky asked.
“Because Steve only ‘transports’ my father’s product. Not the others. Steve’s role is essentially to green light the passages and is my main pull,” you clarified.
It was true - Steve didn’t do or touch anything. And you thought this best considering he was America’s golden boy - you couldn’t possibly bear real involvement from him. This wasn’t his world and never should have been but it was yours.
You dealt with people directly. You took out the snitches. You handled the product during inspections. You did it all - and not because you thought Steve was some fragile soul who couldn’t achieve the same results - but because you brought him into that mess during a time in his life when he definitely didn’t need it.
“But how did it happen?”
You shrugged, hoping your answer would suffice for the rest of the group as it never does for Steve. “When I first started out as a field agent, my father didn’t trust I was doing it for him. The more I promoted, the more suspicious he got. It wasn’t until we exposed SHIELD as half-HYDRA that he was done with me.”
Fury interjected once again, “So, Y/L/N here had to pull rank out of her ass.”
You snorted, “Thanks, Fury. That sounded nice.”
“I told them that I had the literal symbol of America by my side. That defeating HYDRA was only to get his friend back, not to save the world. Plus, I told them that HYDRA was targeting all of them. And once I could get proof - a forged recording made by Fury before he went into hiding - well, it was like the greatest example of submission.”
“Why didn’t you say Tony?”
That certainly was a question Steve always had and wanted answered. God, he really hoped you had said Tony.
“Because I got the literal symbol of America as a partner-in-crime. My father almost told me he loved me... almost.”
You sat back down in your chair, a tiny puff of air escaping your lips. “And that made Seda furious. I may hate my father, but Seda is the main threat to blowing this whole operation.”
If anything, you wanted your father deader than dirt, silenced by the one child he always regretted bringing into the world. He had tortured you in more ways than you thought possible.
“Now, I thought my dad was bad.”
You fell back onto the couch before retrieving your cup of coffee you had placed on the table. Nebula gave you a tiny chuckle in return.
“Yes, mine has eradicated half the universe. I win ‘worst father’.”
You sipped your coffee, trying and failing to block out the banter between Rocket and Tony as they discussed the location of the space stone. “You know, I wouldn’t have put it past him.”
Nebula chewed her dinner slowly, listening to you ramble on about anything that popped into your mind. She knew this was your coping mechanism - to just keep talking until someone shut you up. But she enjoyed it, really, because you spoke of topics that she didn’t quite understand or know about. She learned something new everyday simply by listening to you.
“I should have thanked Thanos for dusting his ass, though.”
Nebula stopped mid-chew, blank expression but the hint of a twitch in her lip visible.
“I’m joking.”
You had asked her once why Thanos had spared her and Tony when he snapped his fingers. But Nebula had no rational answer, only responding that he must have spared her out of last minute pity and Tony to live through the consequences. And the tiny voice inside your head knocked again, reminding you that ‘maybe this snap was overall a good thing - your father can’t hurt you anymore!’, but you shut it up as quickly as it came.
“So, how many planets are there in the universe, really?”
Fury began piling files in one folder, making sure to hand out the sheet with names and contact numbers of agents stationed close to the venue and your chosen hotel.
“We’ll get into mission specifics at a later date once Rogers and Y/L/N are settled and scope out the place. For now, study up on your targets and perfect your acting skills.”
You assumed you would only need one big suitcase for the trip, only packing essentials and extra shirts just in case. You rolled your clothes tightly, securing your signature perfume and some jewelry inside some sweaters. You hid identifiable items in the small compartments - your passport, journal, old SHIELD tag, driver’s license, etc. It was the paranoid side of you taking over, the possibility of having your cover blown likely and frightening. The amount of times you had ventured into the general vicinity of your father and his crew always proved safer than you expected. But there could always be that day he simply didn’t want you around anymore.
So, you prepared in the smallest and even cringiest ways possible - resorting to drafting letters for those you wanted to remember you after you had been taken out. You paused your packing to grab your spare journal. You spent a good hour writing. A letter to Wanda, to Bucky, to Peter, to Rhodey, to Sam. Some were shorter than others - others extending to over two pages. But your mind was racing with things you hoped they would never have to read, scattered thoughts and only hints of identifiable wit penned on paper.
You tucked the letters behind the fabric you had recently ripped open. You planned on duct-taping the rip, your eyes drifting back over to your journal. You tapped your foot rapidly for a few seconds, fingers twisting in anticipation, mind still clear enough to draft one more. You quickly picked the pen right back up, sitting on the edge of your bed and starting the letter you might regret later. But at that moment, with the horrible prospect of dying on this mission, you wrote.
‘Steve,
Believe when I say that I was so sure I would put a bullet in my father before he could. Whoops…’
You wrote and wrote until your handwriting grew sloppy at the edge of the paper, and signed it. You tucked the final letter into the hole and taped it shut. You really hoped you would be able to survive and burn those written words later.
A soft knock sounded from across the room and your bedroom door opened to reveal Steve, light blue dress shirt tucked into his jeans like the old man he truly was. You couldn’t help but grin at that, cursing your involuntary actions for this man.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You doing okay?” you asked, continuing to fold clothing into your suitcase. He leaned against your door, hesitant. Steve often wondered why and how he could go days, weeks - one time even a whole month - without speaking to or seeing you. He was an expert at one word answers by now, opting to always have someone else around whenever he seriously had to carry a conversation with you. But what struck him the most was that you didn’t seem to care anymore. He witnessed the change - hell, he was the one that caused it - but it was a change that he both wanted and didn’t. How was it so easy for you?
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” he responded and walked over to your couch to sit.
You cleared your throat, hoping to make this conversation the least awkward you could. “Because this was literally sprung on both of us after almost ten years of waiting.”
“I’m okay.”
You accepted his answer. He looked comfortable enough, shoulders relaxed and genuinely interested. There was a part of you that wanted to rush over and shake him, yell at him for being so clueless and fake at the same time. There was no possible way he was fully okay with everything - he hadn’t been himself since the snap, and when Natasha and Tony died, he was someone else entirely. You had brought it up with Bucky several times, but he assured you that Steve was just dealing with things his own way. That he was still a man out of time, they both were, and battle after battle could take its toll. And Bucky would hype their therapist up, that they were the reason he and Steve are able to walk in public without that constant voice warning of danger in the back of their heads, and that you should schedule a visit sometime. You always declined, asking him to call you if he truly needed another person to talk to. He would smile, taking you up on your offer whenever a day was particularly triggering.
“I’ve been waiting for this day since I was sixteen. Ten years really just flew by… considering.”
Steve nodded, “Is there anything I should know?”
You hummed, “If you mean things about my family, then I’ll just tell you on the way there or at the hotel.”
He chuckled and stood to lean against your bedpost. “No, I mean like, what should I pack just in case?”
You rolled your eyes and laughed at such an innocent question, “Um, comfy socks. It’s pretty cold in California in the winter. Gas money, it’s pretty fucking expensive, too.”
He smiled, “Good to know.”
The two of you packed in silence for several minutes. Steve helped you roll your clothes and gather your toiletries, even asking you if you wanted to bring your current toothbrush or the new one in your bottom drawer.
You knew you shouldn’t have spoken about the topic burning in your throat, but you felt like you had to say something. If you mentioned it during the mission, you risked a larger argument than the one you would get now. So you formulated your next sentence carefully, already bracing for impact as it slipped.
“Look, the elephant in the room should be addressed. Once my father’s dealt with, I have no reason to stay here.”
Steve clipped the belt over the top of your clothes, securing the items tightly. He seemed disoriented, your sudden proclamation startling him. “What do you mean? You did the work, you trained, you helped us literally save the world.”
You shrugged and kept your voice light, “Yeah, but I started this gig when I was sixteen. I didn’t join the Avengers until I was freshly in my twenties. I’ve literally known nothing else but fighting.”
Steve sat at the edge of your bed, furrowed eyebrows and all as he chose his next words. He felt both angry and sad, a mixture of feelings that he never quite grew accustomed to whenever he was around you. They ate away at him slowly, creeping into his brain to wrap around his common sense, his sense of self, the man he was before the snap.
“Are you saying you just need a break?”
“I think,” you shrugged, zipping the suitcase and tugging its weight off your bed and onto the floor.
“What about Wanda and Bucky?”
You scrunched your face in amused confusion, a playful smile resting on your lips, “I’m not falling off the face of the Earth, Steve. I’ll visit or something.”
“Or something.”
He stood and walked back to your couch, restless and even more stressed than he was before he entered your room.
“Steve, we lost so much. It’s been two years since we brought everyone back, but… it took its toll.”
He snapped his head up, “You don’t need to tell me about shit taking its toll.”
You felt like you stared at him for several minutes, anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach and traveling up your throat. That familiar lump constricting your airway as you forced yourself to swallow it and the forming tears. And once again, your mouth spoke before your mind could approve.
“Why didn’t you use the stones for yourself?”
Steve sat, shocked into silence temporarily. “What?”
“When you and Carol put the stones back - why didn’t you stay somewhere you really wanted to be?”
You remember watching him step onto the platform holding the briefcase of infinity stones and holding Mjollnir, - because of fucking course he could wield Mjollnir, he was a good man even if you were on his bad side - simply minding his own business and waiting for Carol to join him. You remember thinking he would return with a different story, only after he got some of that life Tony had always encouraged him to find, that he would go back to Peggy and live the life he always wanted. But as quickly as they disappeared into thousands of timelines did they reappear, Carol joyful and content while Steve trailed behind her. Your heart had pounded erratically, Bucky looking at you with wide eyes because yes, I thought he would do exactly what you were thinking, too.
“None of your business.”
“I’m not trying to pry-” you reasoned, but Steve stepped toward you with flushed cheeks and a cracked voice.
“But all you do is pry, pry, pry. God, do you ever just shut up?”
All you could hear behind the ringing of your ears were Steve’s quick breaths, slowing as each second passed and he realized what he had said. A moment of weakness, in his opinion, but still uncalled for.
“Pack some snacks for the road and get out of my room.”
Steve straightened his back, eyes practically yelling for you to look at him again, pleading for you to see the remorse swimming in them. But you just tugged your suitcase to the corner of your room, ignoring him completely. “Gladly.”
You and Steve were mature enough to keep your arguments at least a hundred miles away from any mission you were conducting or when around your friends. A quick quarrel in the morning was basically nonexistent a few hours later when the whole group suggested a board game or movie night. Although this impromptu road trip would be the slightest bit awkward, you two were smart enough to not compromise the mission.
And you had to drive as flying and airport security was too risky, especially with the amount of weapons attached to your body and in the trunk of that rented car.
“Call us when you hit the first checkpoint. After that, we’ll be monitoring your hotel check-in and any new ones, police reports filed throughout that week, anything that directly involves your stay,” Bucky said, handing you a burner phone.
You stepped forward to hug him. “Thank you, Bucky.”
He gave you a tight squeeze, releasing you slightly to whisper in your ear. “Try not to kill him for the next twelve hours, will ya?”
You pulled away and gave him your best grin, bumping your bracelet with his. “You know I can’t promise that, Bucky.”
He rolled his eyes, “You kill him, I kill you.”
“Ugh, don’t tease me.” Bucky almost burst out laughing from the fake, pornographic moan you let out because of his threat.
“No, but seriously - just… lay low, trust each other, and we’ll be there in the next few days.”
You slid the burner into your sweater pocket and patted it, checking if it was secure. You waved goodbye to Bucky and pulled the passenger door open. You blew him a kiss, red lipstick now on your fingers. “Can’t wait to see you!”
Bucky stood with his hands shoved into his pockets, an embarrassed but happy smile on his face. He caught the floating kiss mid-air. “Already miss you!”
“Stop, I’m blushing!” you teased, your left hand resting palm up on your forehead in an exaggerated manner.
“Go!”
You obliged, falling into the passenger seat and clicking your seatbelt.
Twenty minutes into the drive and Steve finally decided to speak.
“So, you and Bucky?”
You giggled, thumbs currently flying over your phone screen as you tried to beat your high score in some awful video game you discovered last week. “Yup, I got him wrapped around my finger.”
Steve’s hand fidgeted on the steering wheel, “Seriously?”
You closed out your video game, “No, Steve. It’s mindless flirting. He’s one of my best friends.”
“Ahh…” he nodded in understanding, a lazy smile resting on his face. He focused on both the road and you, your head leaning against the foggy window. “About earlier-”
“Don’t mention it,” you interrupted. The second you peaked through your heavy eyelids did you lock eyes with Steve, regret visible in them.
He continued, “I blew up at you and you didn’t deserve it.”
“Cool, you’re forgiven.”
“Y/N-”
You groaned quietly, but you weren’t getting angry. You were just tired from the day already and having to sit for twelve hours straight wasn’t going to help. So, you took the high road. “Look, it’s a twelve hour drive until our first stop. Let’s forget about it or else I promise you, I will jump out of this car when you push eighty.”
Steve couldn’t help the laugh that rumbled in his chest due to your absurd promise, but he accepted your answer.
“...Okay.”
By hour two, there was a restlessness between the both of you. No matter how much you extended your leg, the cramping wouldn’t go away. No matter how many times Steve would twist his neck to the side to get it to crack, it would just tighten again. So, against protocol but still on your best behavior, you and Steve made a couple stops along the way.
The first was a burger joint in the middle of buttfuck Ohio, you had commented, earning a choking sound from Steve as he tried to contain his laughter. It was a hole in the wall type of place, perfect for lying low and out of sight, and you had enjoyed your meal in the car. You listened to Steve’s playlist on low volume, stealing each other’s fries to simply piss the other off, and hit the road after your meal.
The second stop was around hour eight, and the sun was already starting to set. You desperately needed to use the bathroom and once you saw a tiny town that ‘looks so much like the town in Gilmore Girls!’, Steve pulled over and parked in a diner parking lot. Donning caps and ordering a coffee and a tea to go to seem less suspicious, you hurried from the diner and back to your car. You stopped dead in your tracks, eyeing a gazebo with a black miniature fence around it. You begged Steve to snap a photo, promising that this would be the only favor you ask of him for the next few hours, and went to hitch one leg over the metal fence. You settled yourself on top, hands gripping the railing and trying not to fall. You started to laugh uncontrollably as the fence started hurting your bottom, begging Steve to snap the photo quicker.
‘Take the damn picture, you big oaf!’
‘Well, then hold still!’
‘It’s hurting my ass!’
‘Smile!’
The third stop was the final one, somewhere in Iowa and deep in the forest. You complained about how Fury warned you of motels, that you would have to seek shelter elsewhere to avoid being recognized. You could easily blend in, but the mountain of muscle beside you would blow your cover. And you wanted to arrive in California undetected by the media.
Steve drove the car into a dark and secluded part of the forest, ground that seemed used by campers often and had an emergency phone and landline nearby. It was secret enough, so you parked the car and retrieved the blankets from the trunk.
“You taking the back?” Steve asked, jumping back into the car and rubbing his hands together because of the chilly weather. His face was flushed from just a few seconds out in the cool breeze, nose frozen and the tip red. He looked younger, you thought, somewhat resembling those renditions of Greeks in renaissance art.
“You’ve been driving all day. You should stretch your legs,” you answered, already wrapping the blanket up to your shoulders and securing it around your neck.
“You sure? We can alternate.”
You smiled, already feeling the effects of the warmth on your tired body, “I’m sure, Steve. Get some rest and I’ll drive in the morning.”
Steve exited the car after turning it off - sucks that you had to save the gas - and hopped into the backseat. He kicked off his shoes and lay across the connected seat, facing you. He could see the outline of your nose as you tilted your head slightly to the side, the blanket wrapped around your neck and hiding the real length of your hair. It resembled a bob cut by how half of it was hidden, and Steve thought that hairstyle would suit you.
Your personal phone rang, cutting through the comfortable silence and startling the both of you. You fumbled it in your hand and looked back at Steve, face falling as you showed him the name.
Seda.
“Answer it on the third ring.”
You did as Steve told you, answering the phone on the third ring and preparing your voice. He scrambled for the tape recorder, pressing ‘play’ as soon as he could.
“You rarely call me. To what do I owe the pleasure?” you answered.
His voice sounded hoarse over the phone, almost like he had just finished smoking a pack of cigarettes. “Are you attending?”
“My dear sister is getting married, Seda. Of course I’m going to embarrass her.”
He paused for a few moments, sounding like he was directing the people around him to finish something. But he responded to your answer in a serious tone. “I hope you’re being your usual sarcastic self and aren’t serious.”
You rolled your eyes and pointed at the phone, and Steve’s lips spread into a smile. “You’ve known me long enough to know, I hope.”
“Sadly.”
“I’m hurt,” you joked, voice still light and cheerful. Seda paused on the line again, the sound of papers rustling letting you know the line was still active.
“I need to know if the Captain is attending too.”
“He was invited,” you responded, laughing a little at the fact that Seda hadn’t known this information you were sure the rest of your family knew.
He chuckled, a slight whistle sound letting you know he was smoking another cigarette. “Mm, guess your family is finally meeting your lover, huh?”
The air in your mouth didn’t make it down to your lungs and you looked at Steve with equally wide eyes. But you didn’t stay fazed for long, responding to such an accusation with ease. “My lover, yes. I’m so damn giddy about that.”
Seda hummed in satisfaction, “Your father always told you to not get involved with the product. Scrambles your brains from thinking straight. But he applauds you on this one.”
You put a finger in your mouth and mimicked gagging, causing Steve to cover his mouth to muffle his laugh. “I’ve never mentioned the Captain as my lover before. Why is my father always right?”
You knew exactly what to say. The more backhanded praise you gave your father only fed into the truth and lies everyone knew - truth being you hated your father because of his power and the lie being that you were just as power hungry as him. As long everyone assumed you wanted this power, the more you had to act like you hated your father’s.
“He knows more than he lets on. You know that.”
“I know a lot of things.”
Seda continued, “No friends allowed, anyway. So, if the Captain isn’t your lover then… we may have problems. Is there a problem?”
You kept your voice at a steady volume, “I said I was with him, didn’t I? Have you seen the man?”
“Seen him, heard him speak. So righteous and dull. Not really your type.” Seda was growing impatient with the conversation, clearly angry that he hadn’t caught a slip or lie from you.
You scrunched your face in disgust, “Ew, don’t think you know my type.”
“Buck, ‘my type’ is back home with a warm chicken noodle soup in my lap and a couple of loose papers at my disposal,” Steve whined, trying to keep the same pace as his overly enthusiastic friend as he hurried down the sidewalk.
“She’s such a knockout, Steve! I’m sure she’ll love you.”
Steve couldn’t help but blush at Bucky’s kind words, the hype always repairing some parts of Steve’s broken self-esteem and reminding him of his worth. But it was his third date this month and rejection was starting to seem like his favorite sport. No matter what he did - offering a girl some peanuts, accidentally stepping on her (once!) feet while dancing, or simply not living up to Bucky’s gracious advertising - women just weren’t interested.
“You know that’s not true, Buck. Can’t we just have a quiet night in?”
Bucky stopped and guided them into the nearby alley, both to knock some sense into his friend and to give Steve a break from the tiny jog.
“Listen here, Steve. Any girl would be lucky to be with you-”
“Buck, we’ve been through this-”
“Let me finish,” Bucky shushed him, hands on Steve’s shoulders to steady both him and himself. “Any girl would be lucky to be with you. If this one doesn’t see you how I see you, then she’s just insane.”
Steve smirked, “Don’t insult the girl before I’ve even met her, jerk.”
Bucky smiled, his high cheeks pushing up to create crinkles by his eyes. “Trust me, pal. You just need to find a woman with as big of a mouth as you.”
Steve swatted his friend across his chest, laughs rumbling in both their chests and down the once quiet alleyway.
“What hotel are you staying at?” Seda quickly asked, ignoring your quip. You were done with this conversation as it was leading nowhere.
“Staying at one where no one can hear the Captain scramble my brains. Goodbye,” you replied, an annoyance in your tone that even Seda would believe as natural.
“See you soon.”
You let Seda end the call, a little power play you allowed him to have. God, it was gonna feel good to take him down.
Steve shifted in his seat, stopping the recorder in time for his question. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Why did your dad assume we were a couple?”
You gave him a tiny chuckle, pulling the blanket back over your shoulders and settling back into your seat. “I don’t know why that man says anything anymore. I guess they just expected it.”
“Why?”
No matter how many years passed, both awake or frozen, Steve never did quite understand the sexual appeal that lingered around his name. No matter how many times Bucky joked about it, no matter the amount of social media posts, no matter anything - he just didn’t seem to understand why people thought he was a ladies man.
You snuggled deeper into your blanket, scanning the outside woods one last time just in case. “You wouldn’t risk your reputation and status for me unless you were fucking me, I guess.”
“Crude.”
You turned your head to him and sighed, “They think I’m the whore of the family. It’s just too funny sometimes.”
Steve’s face fell, “I’m sorry about that.”
You shuffled in your blanket to pull your arm out and wave it in the air. “Used to it.”
Steve didn’t press further, deciding to lay back finally to find a cozier position. It was quiet for a few minutes, just breathing and slight motion disturbing the silence. You opened your eyes and stared at the moonlight hitting the steering wheel. By the sound of Steve’s breathing, you knew he wasn’t fully asleep yet. So you allowed yourself the smallest confession, a crack in the door Steve was figuratively standing outside of.
“My sister is his prized possession, though.”
Steve didn’t respond, but from the sound of the blanket moving you could tell he had turned to face you.
“Never knew why.”
Steve pondered your words for a long time, long after your breathing became slower and tiny snores left your mouth. He didn’t exactly know what to say or what to do. It wasn’t like you dropped top secret information on him or anything, but it made him wonder just why in the world your father hated you so much.
You had done everything asked of you. You were controlled, tortured mentally everyday, having to endure and make decisions that Steve knew you didn’t want any part of. Your father should be thanking you for keeping his business afloat, for expanding it, for roping Steve’s own name into that life. As he contemplated any rational reason for such hate, he heard your soft snore turn into an innocent purr, and he felt himself leaning more into a mutual understanding. It frightened him, gripping his reality by the throat, because Steve actually knew why. That innocence he saw with you, no doubt had presented itself to your father involuntarily and your father knew.
He knew you were good at heart.
~
Taglist: @dumb-ass-writer @justab-eautifulmess @supraveng @mycosmicparadise
#captain america#captainsimagines#captain america x reader#Steve Rogers#steve x reader#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers imagine#Bucky Barnes#wanda maximoff#avengers x reader#reader insert#reader x steve rogers#you x steve rogers#steve rogers x you#angst fanfic#to topple#a giant#mini-series#by moni#enemies to lovers#eventual smut#Smut#steve rogers smut#marvel fanfiction#new fanfic#endgame#chapter two#part two#mutual pining#flashback fanfic
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The “One” Divided Into “Two”
Hello anons, hello friend,
these asks can be answered together!
First of all:
Hello! I just want to say that I love your RWBY metas! So I'm wondering, have you ever done metas about Emerald and Mercury?
Thank you! And yes, I have written a little bit about Mercury and Emerald here. I would also recommend this wonderful meta by @hamliet because it has an interesting Mercury theory in it.
Now. this answer is gonna mix some analysis with speculation because Emerald and Mercury’s story must still enter its climax. Once it does and we are given a specific interpretative key I will be happy to write more metas on them!
I’ll start with this:
Those two are so out of place in Salem's faction and the last look they share made me doubt that Mercury is rotten to the core and more of a kid who didnt know what he's in for. Since Em has switched sides, is it possible that Merc might follow? I really like him, so I'm hoping that he won't go down like Watts.
In my opinion, yes and here is why.
CHILDREN LOST IN A NARRATIVE
1) Emerald and Mercury have been child-coded since their first appearance:
Roman: Oh, look! She sent the kids again! This is turning out just like the divorce!
2) Both have received a save the cat moment early on:
Emerald: It's almost sad.
Mercury: Emerald, get up, we need to go. (...) Emerald!
Both child-coding and save the cat moments are often used to make characters more sympathetic and this applies to both Emerald and Mercury, even more so than Cinder.
This is why, for example, the major death they are directly involved in:
turns out to be a temporary one.
As a side note, I like thinking of Emerald and Mercury as the Cat and the Fox in Penny’s story since they act as false friends to the main cast, betray them and cause Penny’s first death. Moreover, in the novel, both characters end up suffering consequences for their life-styles. The two murder kids are the same:
At the same time, details about Emerald and Mercury’s backgrounds and motivations are given to the viewers pretty early on:
We are shown Cinder recruiting both and these scenes clearly paint them as two vulnerable kids that get manipulated and groomed:
Raven: Two children you’ve tricked into following you.
Emerald is presented as a scaredy cat and Cinder wins her over by promising the bare minumum aka some security and basic care.
Mercury is given even less aka a narrative to keep himself together:
Cinder: And you're his son. We saw your fight from the treeline. He's taught you well.
Mercury: Guess so.
Cinder: What's your name?
Mercury: Mercury.
Cinder: Mercury... Tell me, are you anything like your father?
Mercury: All my life, my father trained me to be a killer, an assassin like him. And then moments after I killed him, you two showed up looking for someone with my exact skills. Just felt like it was meant to be.
Cinder praises his abilities and frames his trauma as something that makes him strong, not broken. And Mercury has completely embraced this narrative since then.
In short, Emerald and Mercury are framed as two kids lost in an illusory narrative Cinder has crafted. That said, they are also characters in a proper narrative and they are given sympathetic backgrounds and positive qualities that hint they can be better than they currently are.
In particular, Emerald should overcome her emotional dependence on others to make the right thing:
In both volume 3 and volume 8 she is shown the destruction of a city. However, the first time she puts distance between herself and others’ pain, as symbolically conveyed by her looking from above. In volume 8, though, she is shown the same pain up close and she can’t ignore it anymore. This is why the others drag Emerald towards the people crying and light invades the screen when she finally meets the sheltered crew. She is forced to face an uncomfortable truth she wants to ignore.
Mercury should instead let himself depend on others more. He should open up to others and fight for his one positive bond:
Mercury: Back off, freak.
Which leads us to:
What do you like most about Emerald and Mercury's relationship and bond as it is explored in RWBY?
EMERCURY: COMPLEMENTARITY
Emerald and Mercury’s bond being a key one is conveyed both symbolically and in terms of their respective abilities.
When it comes to their abilities, I have written about it in the meta linked above:
In short, Emerald mostly relies on her semblance, while Mercury mostly relies on his legs and fighting prowess.
This detail adds to the idea that Emerald and Mercury have been acting as a unit and have been complementing each other. Emerald acts as the “soul” and Mercury as the “body”.
The soul is one’s personal essence (like the semblance). It is where (once again) wishes reside. The body is what protects the soul and is animated by instincts and self-survival.
They complement each other. This complementarity is shown in Emerald and Mercury’s fights.
In the Vytal festival, Mercury takes on both Coco and Yatsuhashi for a short while, so that Emerald can size her chance to fight Coco at her own terms (and she wins by using her semblance).
In the Battle of Heaven, Emerald uses her semblance to help Mercury fight and, in a sense, she compensates for his lack of one:
The human soul is about wishes, but also duties:
Penny: I feel like I wish I could do both the things I need to do and the things I want to do. Is that normal?
One must accept their feelings, but also struggle with them:
Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we’re on the right path. It’s what makes us human.
And must do the right thing out of their own free will:
Winter: Penny. The general is making hard choices so we don’t have to.
This is Emerald’s personal struggle. She must let go of her feelings for Cinder and fight her own fear in order to do the right thing.
The human body lets people feel both others’ warmth:
And others’ cruelty:
However, Mercury refuses to feel both. He refuses to truly process his own trauma and pushes his feelings of care for Emerald away:
As far as their symbolism goes, they are linked in at least three different ways.
1) One of the attributes of the Roman god Mercury is that he is the protector of thieves and Emerald’s surname capitalized means thief. What is more:
Mercury: Ooh, Emerald! Master thief! Please don't take my money! I barely have enough to get by!
2) Mercury/Hermes is also the god of alchemy and the one who wrote the Emerald Tablet aka a tablet with the truth of alchemy on it. You, @hamliet, have written a meta on it, so I won’t add more.
3) According to at least some traditions, emerald is the gemstone associated with the planet Mercury.
So, it is clear the two characters are meant to be important in each other’s arcs.
Let’s now look at Emerald and Mercury’s bond, as it is explored through their interactions.
Mercury clearly cares about Emerald and gets along well with her. She is the only person he shows vulnerability to.
This is what their scene in Lost is about:
Emerald: Why did you come with us, the night Cinder and I found you?
Mercury: Why are you asking--
Emerald: Just answer the question.
Emerald is trying to open herself up and wants Mercury to open up too. This is why she gets annoyed when Mercury gives her a superficial answer. Still, in that conversation, Mercury is genuinelly trying to answer Emerald’s feelings:
Mercury: I'm sorry you didn't have a mommy that loved you, but I had a father who hated me! He never went easy on me! Every day of training was a beating. And when I unlocked my Semblance, he stole it with his! "This is a crutch!" "This makes you weak!" He told me I could have it back when I was strong. So I got strong, but I never got it back! I've had to work harder than anyone to get where I am. You may not like it here without Cinder, but I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be!
Here, Mercury is telling Emerald details of his past he would not be sharing if he did not trust her. He can’t let himself be completely vulnerable, though, so he discloses them by lashing out at Emerald. He mixes violence with authentic vulnerability and also with care:
Mercury: Cinder doesn't care about you! She doesn't care about either of us!
He has seen how self-destructive Emerald can get when it comes to Cinder:
And he is trying to have Emerald move on from her obsession.
However, Mercury’s small steps towards opening up and caring for another person are constantly challenged:
Tyrian: Oh yes, the world is mean, and I'm a big, bad man now just like the others.
Mercury: How long have you been standing there?!
The moment he opens up to Emerald, Tyrian appears to threathen and mock him.
Mercury’s positive development lies in accepting his own feelings of pain and in sharing them with others, so that he can be helped. However, the environment he is in goes in the way of it:
Emerald: Mercury, I wanted to...
Here, Emerald is trying to either apologize to Mercury for their fight or to at least check out on him. Still, Mercury is not listening to her because he is too frightened by what Salem is doing.
Mercury’s current struggle is conveyed in a nutshell by the glance he gives to his left in Midnight:
Is he looking at Emerald out of concern?
Or at Salem out of caution?
It is not clear. Still, what is sure is that Mercury should focus on Emerald, but Salem goes in the way. He deep down wants to care about others, but he is too scared to do so:
Tyrian: All you ever learned was pain and violence, and now you're too afraid to leave it. Such a tragedy.
At the same time, Mercury is for Emerald what she has been looking for in Cinder:
Emerald: We don't need him! Everything was going fine!
She initially refuses him, but it is clear that with time Mercury becomes the thing most similar to a family Emerald has:
She has been so fixated on Cinder and on how she can be worthy of Cinder’s love that she has missed how much Mercury has tried to protect her all along.
This is why Hazel is important for Emerald’s development:
Hazel: No more Gretchens, boy.
His sacrifice is about breaking his personal cycle of pain. His story starts with Gretchen dying when she was only a girl and it ends with him preventing another girl’s death. At the same time, he also helps breaking the cyle of abuse between Emerald and Cinder.
Emerald is told the truth about her relationship with Cinder by Mercury. Moreover, it seems something finally clicks for her here:
She observes Salem’s manipulation of Cinder and understands Cinder has been manipulating her in the same way.
However, it is thanks to Hazel’s sacrifice that Emerald sees what a genuine parental bond should be like. It should be about the parent protecting the child:
Hazel: What Gretchen would have done. And that starts with getting you away from here. Both of you.
And not the child protecting the parent:
Emerald: I know I can’t beat you. But I can fill that thing full of holes before you take me down.
It should be about the parent caring for the child unconditionally:
Hazel: Go.
And not about the child working hard to gain a parent’s love:
Cinder: You… You brought me back here. We failed.
Emerald: Cinder, you were hurt. I was just trying to help.
At the same time, Hazel’s death has taught Emerald the pain of losing a loved one:
And has forced Emerald to stand on her own two legs:
Oscar: I've seen what you can do, Emerald. However this fight ends, we could really use someone like you.
She can’t be protected forever, but she should start protecting others. She is powerful enough to do so and she must accept this responsibility.
So
I think Emerald could be key to Mercury's redemption
I think so too. Emerald saving Mercury is the perfect objective for her personal arc. It forces her to act as the savior instead of the one being saved.
Moreover, Mercury told her the truth about herself:
Mercury: You're in denial.
So Emerald might do the same for Mercury. This would also fit with her being the Emerald Tablet. The Tablet is written by Mercury to convey the truth to the world. Here, it might very well be the inverse: the Emerald Tablet might convey the truth to Mercury.
In general, Mercury and Tyrian’s foiling has to pay off, just like Emerald and Hazel’s:
The set-up is there for Tyrian and Mercury’s subplot to be about breaking cycles as well. Mercury’s story is about a child left alone with his abuser. Nobody comes to save him, so Mercury is forced to save himself by killing Marcus. Still, this only leads to him being stuck in the idea he is nothing, but an extension of his father. Right now, the cycle is repeating, but it is possible this time things will go differently because there is at least one person who cares about him.
Not only that, but (and this is nothing, but a baseless theory) even Qrow (aka a character who has unfinished business with Tyrian) might be a thematic fit to help Mercury:
Mercury: Bad hair, used a scythe, and smelled like my dad after a long day. It was him.
After all, Mercury himself draws a comparison between Qrow and his father since they are both alcoholic. However, Qrow has started a journey of rehabilitation for the sake of his nieces and their friends.
Qrow sees himself as bad for others and fundamentally unlucky because of his background and his semblance. So, his third fight with Tyrian being about saving a kid, who, in a sense, is even less lucky than him and has no semblance might be thematically fitting.
Despite it all, Qrow found a family and a place to belong and he might help Mercury find his (Emerald) as well.
SEMBLANCE OF THE SELF
Got no gun
But I gleam like a blade and I'm harder than iron
Delusion
I'll steal til your blind and defeat you from inside your mind
Emerald’s best weapon is her semblance, while Mercury’s semblance was stolen, so he could become a weapon.
This difference symbolizes their respective reactions to abuse.
Emerald uses her illusions as a coping mechanism.
This mechanism is well conveyed in CEM’s fight against Amber:
On one hand, Emerald creates a child version of herself who is well dressed and owns a bike. It is a rich version of Emerald because she must think that is the kind of child others would stop by to help. She does not believe she is likable or lovable. This is why she makes an illusory alter-ego, which is both true (she deep down is a crying child) and false (she is a street rat with nothing).
In general, this is Emerald’s way to approach others:
Emerald: Just left the stadium after your amazing fight! You guys were awesome!
Ren: Because she's scared. Just like us..
Emerald: Or maybe because I know how to get out of here. Anybody coming?
She either fakes an overly friendly demeanor or acts tougher than she is. In any case, she hides her true self.
On the other hand, Emerald is symbolically trapping herself in an illusion together with Amber. Amber can’t see the dangerous thief in front of her, but Emerald too can’t see the generous woman who is offering food to a crying child:
Cinder: Follow me, and you’ll never be hungry again.
Cinder promises Emerald food and love and this lie makes the girl unable to see the genuine article when it is right there.
So Emerald tricks both others and herself. This is how she survives abuse.
This is why she keeps believing in Cinder while she is gone:
Emerald: You’re here! I knew you’d co--
And this is why symbolically her semblance grows stronger in an abusive environment:
Emerald: I’ve been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won’t tell anybody.
Salem: You really have been honing that Semblance of yours.
After all, this is when Emerald gets a “power-up”:
She has just lost Cinder and finds herself stuck with Salem. Her reaction is to have a breakdown and to project an illusion in the minds of nine people, when she had previously stated she could only do one/two minds at most.
Mercury weaponizes his trauma.
This is why his legs are Mercury’s true weapon, while Talaria is there just to cover and embellish the pain and ugliness under it.
Mercury fights Amber with only its bare legs because symbolically his trauma is still fresh and he has yet to work out a structured coping mechanism to it. His meeting with Cinder is the first step in this construction that evolves in the following months and is still evolving:
In CEM’s fight against Amber, Mercury uses his unfeeling legs to whitstand the violence of the elements:
Fire
Earth and Water
Air
He goes through the whole cycle without feeling any pain simply because his trauma has made him unfeeling:
I'm the one
That was ripped from the earth and exposed to the sun
Marcus has literally turned Mercury into Iron:
But I gleam like a blade and I'm harder than iron
Still, the point is that mercury as a metal is not as hard as iron, but (in the alchemical scale of metals) is way more refined and closer to gold. Mercury can be better than his father, but his way to survive abuse is to repress himself.
This is why his semblance was stolen by his abuser. It is because abuse has taken away Mercury’s personhood.
So, both Emerald and Mercury face abuse by masking or repressing themselves. The difference is a matter of degree. Mercury can suppress his emotions and needs more, while Emerald can’t.
Theirs is a foiling about feeling too much to the point of self-harm and of feeling too little to the point of negation.
So, Emerald must struggle with her feelings not to be controlled by them, while Mercury must aknowledge them.
Emerald’s Hallucinations is a Semblance of The Self because it hides both Emerald herself and the truth.
This is interesting because, as stated above, the Emerald Tablet should convey the truth about alchemy. However, Emerald’s environment has turned her into an inversion of herself:
I'm the one
Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one
She is a gemstone, but is currently covered in dirt. She needs to polish herself, so she can shine and fit better in her allusion.
Mercury’s stolen semblance is a Semblance of The Self because it is linked to Mercury’s self-expression, which he must claim back.
Until then, he is bound to be stuck in an abusive cycle as nothing, but a weapon.
In general, there is some symbolism around Mercury which needs unpacking:
Mercury quoting Marcus:"This is a crutch!" "This makes you weak!"
Firstly, he has clearly interiorized what his father told him here. He refuses the idea of weakness and crutches to the point that his prosthetics, which are literal crutches get turned into weapons and even covered by other weapons. However, this refusal of crutches means Mercury can’t heal. After all, crutches, bandages and treatment are necessary to become healthy once again.
Secondly, there is this:
I'll run circles round ya, I can touch the sky
The God Mercury’s main attribute is that he can overcome any boundary. He can go wherever he wants in no time. However, Mercury is the opposite because no matter what, he can’t leave his abusive environment. This has to do once again with his father’s abuse which culminated with Marcus taking Mercury’s legs. This is symbolically why Mercury is trapped.
Like for Emerald, Mercury’s arc should be about growing into his allusion, so that he can finally be free.
Still, how to turn Emerald and Mercury in the positive versions of their allusions? The answer has to do with this question:
(I think Emerald could be key to) maybe Cinder's (redemption) too
I’M THE ONE
Emerald and Mercury are two parts of the individual (body and soul) and two parts of a Huntsman (semblance and weapon):
Ren: A common philosophy is that a warrior's Semblance is a part of who they are.
Ruby: Just weapons? They're an extension of ourselves! They're a part of us! Oh, they're so cool.
Together they make a unit. Together they make Cinder. They are two sides of her trauma, her two sins:
Emerald: Actually, I was wondering, do you have any copies of "The Thief and The Butcher"?
And the wounds behind those sins.
This is why Cinder takes them in, but also why she abuses them.
She uses them as weapons:
In CEM’s fight against Amber she lets them go in first and has them take the majority of Amber’s hits.
Not only that, but she uses them as “red herrings” she hides behind.
She acts as if Amber’s blow takes her out of the fight, while Amber focuses on Mercury who resists her attack:
She has Emerald display her semblance at full force, so that the girl becomes Amber’s first target:
She makes her own illusion where Emerald and Mercury are her smokescreen.
However, her two disciples are not just things she can use as she pleases. They are two people who depend on her:
Mercury: You mean--
Emerald: She's alive?
They are literally two kids she takes in framing their relationship as parental/hierarchical hence she is responsible for them.
However, she fails them and leaves them in a dangerous environment. This is why they both leave her out of self-survival.
Narratively, Emerald and Mercury are two kids that must grow up. Right now, they are in some kind of adolescent phase. They have started their emancipation from their “parent”, but they have still to grow until they’ll be able to truly face Cinder.
It will probably be in this confrontation that they will affirm their growth. Right now, Cinder does not need to be coddled, but to be called out. Both Neo and Watts try to, but Cinder ignores them and retaliates against them. She needs a call out she can’t ignore and Emerald and Mercury are too rooted in who she deep down is for her to be unaffected by them.
At the same time, it would mark Mercury and Emerald’s first step into adulthood. Only then they can stop being a “half” and can truly become “one”, so a whole person.
#rwby#rwby meta#emercury#emerald sustrai#mercury black#cinder fall#my meta#asksfullofsugar#anonymous#hamliet#murder kids#rwby murder kids
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Loki Season 1 Thoughts
Overall, I really liked this series. It has some issues without question, but I sincerely don't think it's the dumpster fire so many viewers on this site treat it as. Did it go how I expected? Not at all? Did I enjoy the heck out of it and look forward to it every Wednesday? Hell yeah!
Loki's Good Guy Personality
A big complaint many have had with it is how much Loki's demeanor has changed and how his emotional growth feels rushed or his personality is ooc. Truth is, he saw his entire future, saw what his angry, power hungry, I-work-alone persona would get him in the end, and it snapped him back to reality. He has always been shown to be quite emotional and craving attention and lacking in self assurance, it's just in the past movies he's masked it with violence and fake narcissism, and he's always been a secondary character so his perspective is rarely shown. But if you really pay attention it's obvious he isn't truly villainous; we all know that, it's largely why he has such a huge fan base.
Right after meeting Mobius, Loki got an infodump of his future, saw his parents both die, found out that free will means jack shit, and learned he's absolutely powerless in this realm. On top of that, this is 2012 Loki, fresh off of being under Thanos' control, suddenly being shown that the guy who controlled him is going to end up killing him. Frankly,, I think it all broke Loki. He was too shook up by it all and by the sheer helplessness he found himself in at the TVA that he let all his barriers down momentarily. Just long enough for him to open up to Mobius about his motivation and his lack of self confidence. And you know what I bet? Loki felt relieved after talking to Mobius. A weight was lifted, because he bore his heart to someone and wasn't rejected or laughed at or treated like a psycho. And after letting his walls down fully, Loki didn't feel the need to put all of them back up. He stayed guarded around other people, but he didn't need to pretend around Mobius. Mobius has seen under the mask, so Loki doesn't feel pressure to perform as an all knowing, all powerful God around Mobius. That freedom is life changing.
People who gravitate towards broken, pseudo-villain characters do so because we relate to their internal conflict, their mental illness, their need to fake it around everyone close to them. Their turmoil and depression and self destructive behavior are familiar and we see ourselves reflected in their actions. Now, when a person really truly let's their guard down, drops all their layers of facade, and embraces themself, they tend to change demeanor and even personality pretty drastically. It's jarring in real life, so of course when it happens to a fictional character who you usually relate to it is going to be jarring, maybe even more so because it feels like a change you yourself would never go through. I know this sounds bad and people might get at me for it, but...
I believe the issue here is that a large part of Loki's fan base doesn't want him to get better. They don't want him to move past his mental illness, to learn how to cope with anger and disappointment in healthier ways, to be happy. They like his damaged persona, they like the internal conflict. Maybe it's because they're still at that low place themself and feel like a relatable character is getting taken away from them, maybe it's because they don't understand how much being at peace with yourself can alter a person and to them it feels like he's been changed too much. To those of us mostly on the up and up from battling depression and mental illness, it's comforting to see Loki getting a chance to be genuinely happy and accepting of himself.
Sylki and Lokius
First things first, I'm not anti anything. Ship what you want, idc. Personally, I do not see the Sylki dynamic as romantic, but I get why people read it that way. I thought the series did a good job of showing unrequited love, namely Loki falling for Sylvie and Sylvie feeling zero romance towards him. This was aware of his attraction and in the end used it as a distraction so she could get the upper hand. The show played up the potential romance because we are viewing things from Loki's perspective and he's become smitten as a kitten. I do think in the long run they'll have a more sibling-like dynamic, one Loki realizes that you can feel extreme love and care for a person without it being romantic. I enjoyed how the show explored their relationship, though I do wish they hadn't had every character under the sun mention their moment on Lamentis-1 like it was some big deal to bond with someone you're about to die with.
I'm bitter towards the development of Lokius. It had a strong start in the beginning, and in ep 5 had some potential reignited, but then they had Mobius not know who Loki is at the end. I'm still hoping they're playing the long game with this ship and that it'll come to fruition partway through season 2. The chemistry is there, and Mobius knows Loki very intimately and isn't put off by his past. Loki also feels much more at ease around Mobius than he does around Sylvie. It's the comfort of a deep loving bond with Mobius verses the nervousness of a new crush that he feels for Sylvie.
I don't think Loki is quite aware of his feelings for Mobius, simply because it's based in friendship and mutual respect and isn't a hot and heavy lust. Plus, as soon as he was away from Mobius he was thrown into a near death experience with Sylvie and developed a surface crush during their heart to heart. Since Loki's still figuring out what genuine feelings are beyond anger and sadness, he sees the simplistic crush he has on Sylvie as love and the intimate bond he's been forming with Mobius as friendship. He doesn't understand his own feelings yet, but I think he'll figure it out next season. I mean, he was probably already rethinking his feelings for her after she kissed and betrayed him, mentally kicking himself for expecting her to not pull a Loki betrayal like he would've in the past.
The Time Variance Authority
I really like the concept of the TVA, the structure of it, the methods they use, the deeply fucked way they recruit employees, the cult like motto, shady Miss Minutes who is definitely playing her own long game, and the blind acceptance TVA agents have of the Time Keepers' will. It's all very well done... until your dig into the core, aka He Who Remains. They built up the idea that the Time Keepers created the TVA to prevent a multiverse war and that they created agents to enforce their will. Then the creating agents turned out to be fake, the Time Keepers were fake, I expected the reason for the TVA's existence to be fake to. It felt too simple to have it genuinely exist just to keep the multiverse in check. Why the anonymity, unless it's to keep from having agents target and prune versions of himself which.. songs like a decent solution. HWR made it sound as though the multiverse war was just a bunch of versions of himself screwing shit up, so why isn't the TVA's focus on eradicating every other variant of this guy? Sounds a lot easier and nicer than fucking with the free will of every other living being. So either Marvel made a bad call when choosing what HWR's motive was for creating the TVA, or he was lying about it all to cover up something sinister.
Overall Storyline
I'm fairly happy with the plot as a whole. There were some pacing issues and I think a few missed chances for deeper conversations between various characters. While I enjoyed the Loki variants, I honestly would've been happier seeing Tom playing most the variants (except Kid Loki and Classic Loki since they are clearly different age ranges). If there is supposed to be one sacred timeline, it seems off to me that Lokis would be allowed to vary so extremely without it causing a nexus event(an alligator, whose nexus wasn't that he's an animal who obviously can't do any magic much less command Thanos' army, but that he ate someone's cat) and not just in appearance but in life path (ie boastful Loki collected all the infinity stones but it wasn't till he had 6 that he caused a nexus event even though him gaining control of the Soul, Power, and Time stones should've each caused nexus events since on the sacred timeline he never interacts with those 3 and taking any one of them would've fucked up a lot of other timeline parts)
I love the display of Lokis raw power, and 2012 Loki coming to the realization that he's way more powerful than he ever thought. And it wasn't just Classic Loki who spent thousands of years alone honing his skills, 2012 Loki reversed time on a goddamn falling building! I also liked the small magic, the fireworks, the tablecloth blanket, Loki yanking Sylvie away from HWR with just magic.
As someone who is both bisexual and genderfluid, I would've really loved more concrete representation. The comment about there never being another female Loki hit me in the gut; it undermined the Easter egg "Sex: Fluid" on Loki's TVA file. With how big a deal Sylvie being female was made out to be throughout the season, I expected her gender to play a key role in taking down the head of the TVA, like it was foretold that only a female Loki could end it all or some shit.
I don't mind the idea of Loki finding love in a straight passing relationship. I don't even mind the selfcest all that much. It just feels so obvious to me that Sylvie is written as not having any romantic inclination towards Loki, while Mobius is clearly written as falling in love with someone he shouldn't and trying to maintain an heir of professionalism to keep from wrecking his bond with Loki. I really really hope they come through on season 2 and give Lokius the canon relationship and proper representation they deserve.
Mmkay I thinks that's all the thoughts I've got right now. If you've been feeling cheated or clowned by how things went this season, maybe my perspective of things can help ease your pain.
#loki spoilers#loki series#loki#mobius m mobius#sylvie laufeydottir#lokius#sylki#tva loki#time variance authority#marvel#mcu
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