#and i've been thinking of all the people i used to love who aren't in my life anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cardentist · 15 hours

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people don't like to think about how isolating it is to be a victim as a man because it's not Simple or palatable or convenient

I think, on some level, people want to believe that suffering isn't random. that it may never be Fair, but that there's some observable pattern and reason behind it. the fact that people can just be victimized at any time by anyone is scary and hard to reconcile.

I Also think people don't want complex ideas like sexism or oppression or victimhood to Be complex. it's so much easier to say "this is the type of person who is harmed by this oppression and this is the type of person who causes harm with this oppression."

and people will hold on to this belief to the point that they're saying crazy shit, like calling victims at fault for their own social ostracization and ridicule because being a man means they're responsible for the sexism at play behind it. or the first response is "well Obviously only Men mock male victims" when that categorically is not true (terfs have to spend their time doing Something when they're not busy sending trans women death threats).

and it's all the more complicated when you're in my position. I wasn't a man when I was raped, but I'm a man now. am I allowed to feel scared? am I allowed to have been hurt? it's so isolating and Strange to see people call this formative piece of my life a Feminine experience. to say that men don't Understand it. would never be a part of it.

people love to look at trans men asking these questions and call them stupid. of Course we should assume that we're the exceptions, and we're being hysterical of misogynistic by making it about Us. because of course nobody would ever be transphobic on purpose, how could I ever assume that.

but there Are people who specifically and intentionally target trans men. who insist that trans men Aren't victimized, who seek out and mock trans men who come out about Being victims.

I've seen it said before that trans men lose a community with cis women that they don't gain back with cis men, and then we're torn down for trying to find community with each other, or with other trans people.

and it's such a Lonely experience

#discourse #transandrophobia

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kidasthings · 1 day

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Kingdom has frankly made me feel crazy. I've seen the movie three times. Noa gives both "important" items to Mae. He doesn't choose between Soona and Mae when literally asked. He gives a bullshit "we were born together" answer (what does that mean, bro?) which literally sounds like he thinks of her as a sister. (Which checks out, bc that's the vibe they actually had lbr) He carries her. Rescues her on horseback. Bonds w/her through the whole damn movie. And all their tension? Not to mention Owen and Freya being the literal faces of the movie and all the promo. I just need to know if they have written the single most unintentional enemies to lovers story or if its all intentional and we aren't crazy.

Let me let you in on a little secret that might shed some light on what is going on, here.

Shhh... don't tell anyone. I don't think they could handle it!

The Planet of the Apes Franchise has had many, many examples of human-ape hookups and pairings before in the comics, and hints of this can be found on the big screen (Taylor and Zira kissing, the almost-was ape-human hybrid child).

Some examples of ape-human pairings in the franchise have been:

Malaguena (human woman) and the male chimp Grimaldi from "Terror on the Planet of the Apes"

Tonus, a human-hating gorilla, fell in love with a "chimp" named Valia who was really a human woman in disguise named Myndith. It more or less changed his stance on humans "Blood of the Apes" miniseries

Fauna, a blind chimp female fell in love with Pete Burke, a human man in an episode of the Planet of the Apes TV series

Various examples of human-ape hybrids, such as the mud people

Some examples of ape-on-ape mixes also occurred:

Minister Shiva was half chimp, half gorilla (Dark Horse comics)

The Chimerae were descended from gorillas, orangutan and chimp blood (Dark Horse, again)

Lieutenant Mungwort was part chimpanzee, part gorilla

You can find all of this detailed here for reference:

So, yeah, if they were hinting something between Noa and Mae, you can bet it would be on-point for the franchise to do that.

Intentionally.

Because, you know, the Planet of the Apes has this long history of mixing species, both on-screen and off.

I know some claim it's bestiality, or zoophilia, or whatever to ship Noa x Mae, and that's fine. Sing it to the rafters, you do you.

I still stand by the fact that if someone claims this and pays to watch the Planet of the Apes movies in the movie theater they are financially supporting their own claims of bestiality and zoophilia for a franchise that has always promoted ape-human pairings.

For the rest of us, it's just par for the course and a typical ship.

Hope that helps!

#kingdom of the planet of the apes #mae #noa #mae x noa #noamae #kotpota #nomae #planet of the apes #rise of the planet of the apes #monster romance #noa x mae #kotpota noa #kotpota mae #interspecies relationships

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not-goldy · 2 days

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I've done a lot of thinking. Kind of long thoughts. Sorry.

When we got news BTS was joining MS. I threw up at the thought of Jimin going & panicking on behalf of Jikook. I remember saying I don't think Jikook can go 2 years without each other are they gonna make it, more importantly is Jungkook gonna be okay? Spoiler alert. The answer is NO & we saw that with his breakdown when Jimin was in reach, but busy during Chapter 2. Had that man in a downward spiral knowing he was still seeing Jimin & could pop over, but not as much as he's use too & was not coping well and told us & showed us he wanted his Jimin. Then it was Jimin's turn to pout when Jk was busy. Made me sad but then we saw them making the best of 2023 spending alone vacations together & couple days, even days before enlisting. And I was like pheew, at least they're spending time together so maybe when separation comes, they'll be okay. Spoiler alert. Jikook said NO we won't be okay & pulled the biggest FU you aren't separating us move, that's ever been pulled. I be damn if they weren't behind the scenes making arrangements to not only be together, but share a bed, a unit, living area & in a buddy program that has it where they even take their vacation days together & see each other every day til discharge. Blew my damn mind, but at the same time not shocked cause of course Jikook would pull off something like that. Everyone should've seen it coming to be honest. JUST WOW. The real definition of "Screaming, I testify that we'll survive the test of time. They can't deny our love. They can't divide us, we'll survive the test of time. I promise I'll be right here."

That said. This woman pulling this with Jimin or that woman with Jk. Doesn't matter. I know regardless of what happens behind closed doors, my duo are the closest no matter what anyone says. Its a real genuine bond no one can break, not even random women or men for that matter. They're the two who are spending time in their rooms when they could be with others, spending their vacations off camera alone cooking at their house or coming back home together from LA when others went off on their vacations & them spending couple days together over everyone else. Enlisting together & making life decisions together. Dropping honorifics to show their closeness & even their parents show constant support toward the other. Who make time for each other on their birthdays & really commit to it year after year. Say what you want but I'm at peace knowing how much Jikook truly love each other. Its not fake or baiting. They're genuinely close & comfortable with each other, esp enough to cross friendship boundaries. Whatever that means for them. Take that how you want. I haven't been stanning two people who are exaggerating & making their bond seem closer then what it is for the sake of the group or to entertain fans, when in reality they're off building a relationship & life with their real partner over each other & don't even spend significant holidays or birthdays or couple days together. NO. Instead, I'm stanning Jikook who always put each other first (over their own partners if they have them) for when it really matters, including on couple days & does it year after year & are consistent. Jikook have proven for years they're the closest & the military enlistment solidified that cause you only join with a buddy program with friends you are the closet too or with your actual partner. Take your pick, cause we know both can apply here and Jikook did that. And no one can take that away from them. And guess what they're still together today through all the bullshit and hate. And that matters to me & I support whatever they have. They have nothing else they need to prove to me. I get others need more validation, but I'm content & at peace & just happy knowing while all this melodramatic bullshit is going down, that Jikook have each other and Jimin is not dealing with this alone. They have each other to rely on through good and bad in there. So I sleep well at night knowing that. They'll never make me hate you or turn my back on your Jikook. Thanks for listening.

Been awhile I read something interesting in my Ask box so thanks for your thoughts.

The Jimin going away had us all too so I understand what you mean. We try not to victimize him and treat him like a fragile being but sometimes instincts override our every senses.

I wanna dwell on that a little bit to say things are going much better than I thought.

The anxiety and panic attacks thinking he can't take that isolation for long but bro went in there and dominated 💀

It's a fuck you to every single person who thought him a feeble weak submissive gay man. Don't you just love it when it's the stigmatized gay ones who end up setting the standard of the ever cherished male masculinty and who end up dominating the upper echelons of their prized male sports???

Who's your daddy

Better say his name bitch

I feel yuh on the other stuff too

We riding till the wheels fall off

Old Town road style 😎

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flowerflowerflo · 2 days

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⊹˚. ♡ true beauty

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 what being kind does to you

heightened self esteem

increase empathy and compassion

tend to be healthier in all areas

helps form new relationships

better mental health

decrease blood pressure and cortisol

increase serotonin, dopamine & oxytocin

contrary to popular belief kindness is not something that should be overlooked. we've been taught to be kind hundreds of times and yet some of us never actually do it.

one epiphany i've had recently is that humans are such bigoted creatures. we think we have the right to do whatever we like just because we're the dominant species on this earth. we are top of the biological hierarchy, so therefore we have the right to do whatever we like.

another thing i've found is that that fact often bleeds into people's attitudes. people are so fucking rude nowadays honestly. maybe it's the fact i live in england, maybe it's the fact people are so entitled in this day and age they think they can do whatever they like to everything and everyone with no repercussions, but kindness seems scarce nowadays.

how is food made? by the people who take their time to make it for you, be it your local supermarket or your loved ones slaving away in the kitchen all day.

how do we sleep? because we care enough about ourselves to make sure we get rest to be energised and refreshed the next day and for the days to come.

how do we have clothes on our back? because people care enough to weave pieces of fabric together just so we aren't walking around bare and naked every day.

you want to become more likeable? be sweet. be kind. don't sacrifice yourself for anybody, but take the time out of your day to do something for someone. it will make their day i promise, even if it doesn't then you've still made yourself happy 😭 ♡

🐰𓂃 ࣪˖ little kind things you can do

send a letter to someone

bake or make something for someone

compliment someone every day

have a clear out and donate to charity

smile at everyone and anyone

greet someone you might see often but don't really talk to

promote a friend's work

get someone to go on a spontaneous adventure with you!!!

hide a list of things you love about someone in their things if you're too shy to just give it to them

offer to take someone's photo if they're struggling like a couple or a family

do something sweet for your neighbours

learn how to say hello in multiple different languages

encourage and listen to someone even if you don't know them that well

talk to someone who looks lonely and chat with them, don't leave them out

make something random for someone who was nice to you for no reason

sit down and have a chat with someone struggling with homelessness

put a surprise note or cute drawing on someone's desk or workplace

we are so sweet at heart!!! everything we know is born from love!!! everyone is born good!!! it's only circumstances that make people stray from that.

please don't stop giving, please don't stop caring, please don't stop loving with your whole heart; hold the door open for someone, give someone something, smile at someone, pet an animal, do something just to bring joy and love into the world a little more. the world is filled with so many people who have strayed from the path of innocence and we need those people back.

to have a kind heart is to be beautiful. true beauty is not found in the skin, but in the mind. the more you give, the more you love, the more you learn, the more you smile, the more you enjoy, that is what makes the world beautiful, and that is what makes you beautiful <3

the most beautiful people are always the kindhearted ones who will live the most and make the most out of their lives. love is the only thing that holds this world together. please don't stop giving it, ever; it is the most beautiful thing this world has to offer

all my love 🫶💝

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skania · 19 hours

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OnK Chapter 150

Honestly, the naive part of me wants to believe Aka is doing this in purpose, because this chapter alone highlighted like half the reasons why I find romantic!Aqua and Kana so poorly written lmao

Compare that to this:

The writing in Aqua's and Akane's is so much better it's unreal 😂

I'm so glad to have confirmation that Goro's regrets were appeased by knowing that Sarina is living her best life as Ruby. Goro acting like an over-protective dad and Aqua reaffirming that Ruby is his precious little sister were the highlights of the chapter for me. Figures that once Aka finally gives us some Aqua insight, he immediately makes it clear where Aqua stands in regards to Ruby lmao

Goro is often personified as the guilt and regrets Aqua carried into this new life, but he is much more than that.

He is an entire framework of thoughts, complexes and experiences right there at the center of the individual we have come to know as Aqua. He is the entire base Aqua is built on, because when he reincarnated, he was just Goro - albeit a Goro thrown into a completely different situation, and a completely different life.

Of course, the longer Goro lives as Aqua, the more Aqua he becomes. He has been developing a new framework of thoughts, complexes and experiences that are more befitting of his situation and based on his current life. This all results in the Aqua we've come to known.

Up to now, Aqua has been simultaneously existing as the man he once was and the young boy he has become. But the man he once was is now feeling at peace knowing that Sarina-chan has gotten a new chance at life, which leaves the young boy he has become with one less reason to cling to a painful past.

But things aren't that easy, as evidenced by the fact that even after being "freed" by his past guilt, Aqua still has his black stars. As Aqua, he has regrets, guilt and issues of his own to overcome.

But it isn't just the revenge and the guilt, really. This, for example, is a confusion that has followed Aqua into his new life:

Which takes me to...

It's so incredibly ironic that it's "Goro" of all people who brings up Kana 😭 I've mentioned before that Kana has a lot of parallels with Ai and Sarina, and I theorized this may be one of the reasons why Aqua seemed so drawn to her from the get-go. And now we have Goro himself, the one who originally admired all of those traits, saying that Aqua likes Kana. It's like clockwork, except the clock may be broken.

The reasons Goro cites are so shallow and superficial, too. Perfectly fitting for an Oshi or a teenage crush, but hard to think of as anything deeper than that (for me, at least).

Which is even more ironic, because we end the chapter with Kana declaring herself as "seriously in love" with Aqua, when she herself does nothing but describe him superficially 😭

Kana has been basically living a shoujo manga in her head and Aqua is her chosen Male Lead 😂 It's like that time she thought Aqua was "straight and sincere", or when she thought Akane was a "goody-two-shoes".

Meanwhile, Aqua and Akane:

Poor Kana is out of her depth in this manga, but maybe that's the point. Kana is perfectly normal and that's just what Aqua needs am I right?

Seriously though, that's why I've always said that to me it doesn't really matter if Aqua and Kana end up together, because their writing is just... not it 😭 It's always just one giant trope without any depth of substance. It's no coincidence that these last three chapters are filled with tropes and forced writing. That's the way this ship has always been written in my eyes, and that's why it does nothing for me regardless of whether it's intended to be canon or not 😭

Even this, for example:

Aqua confirming (yet again) that he has been aware of Kana's romantic feelings all along could back-up what I said here and here. But at the same time, this could just be part of something as simple and unsubtle as this:

It's like there are two wolves within Aka. One is great at subtlety and organic development, and the other completely sucks at it 😂

But enough about that, I'm sure Aka will give me plenty to complain about next chapter so I'll save it until then lmao

Hmmm where have I seen this before?

Oh, right!

Funny how Akane is magically not brought up this chapter. If we assume Aka is just writing obvious stuff without deeper meaning, then Akane isn't brought up because Aka considers Chapters 97 & 98 as their romantic closure. Or maybe all the theories about Aqua being a scumbag that only dated Akane because Kana wasn't available were right. But considering that would make Aqua trash not worth discussing, I can only hope Aka won't stoop that low lmao

If we give Aka the benefit of the doubt (does he even deserve it at this point tho), then Goro not bringing up Akane can be pretty fitting. Because if Aqua likes Akane, it wouldn't be because she fits the ideals and tastes of the man he once was. It would be because of everything they have been through together as Aqua and Akane.

Case in point, when Aqua thought of Kana and Akane back when he first thought he was free, he did so as fully himself. But I digress! 🤡

Another thing that caught my eye is that Aka deliberately changed the number of chapters in the previous volume just so these Aqua-Kana focused chapters can be in the same volume as the Aqua-Ruby focused ones. Ruby, who mainly loves Aqua because he once was Goro and Kana, who just loves Aqua. Maybe he's doing it to contrast them (in favor of Kana, duh), or maybe he wants to show they're two sides of the same infatuation coin. One can dream, at least!

Speaking about not nice though, what the fuck is this 😭 I know Akane is trying to push Kana's buttons, but baby girl is switching from I-only-see-him-as-a-son!! I swear!!! to Haha actually! so swiftly that she's going to give herself whiplash. Plus, can't Aka let Akane push Kana's buttons while saying less OOC stuff? Granted, it's not like Kana knows Akane well, so of course she doesn't think it's weird for Akane to say that she wants to be with a boy on Christmas lmao

Poor Akane has gotten her eyes shut so tightly close that it's a wonder she doesn't walk into walls. She's really acting like a robot on auto-pilot 😂 When in the world will you be allowed to have a chapter of your own, Akane? When will we be able to look into your heart?

#my aquakane meta #except not quite again buuuuuuut old habits die hard #me: aqua and kana #I can foresee I'll be using that tag a lot even though when I started discussing OnK I said I'd rather talk about the ship I ship #rather than about the ship I find boring #alas Aka is forcing the content sooo discuss the content I shall lmao #fandom: onk #the next few chapters will either make or break aqua's character tbh #say a few prayers for the poor dude to make it

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fling-graysons · 23 hours

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Birsflash angst could be so much better if it was treated as exes.

Imagine Dick cuddled up by himself after a mission where he wasn’t allowed to thrive, an arguement with Bruce and missing the flashing lights and cheers of the audience. He’d be lonely. No one to share the loneliness till Wally comes knocking on his door and he lets him kiss him. Not even to feel loved but to feel wanted and acknowledged to then have this go on continuously and without definition so when Wally just stops then it’s extra confusing because what were they? They weren’t dating but they were everything to each other so how do you move on when you don’t know what you’re moving away from?

Now it’s just awkward because they will do anything but talk about it. Feelings are hard and they’re great as friends, better even but sometimes in Dick’s hardest moments or Wally’s they can feel themselves slipping back into it. They can feel that same love bleed back out only to make them remember what used to be then pull away from each other even harder because they know better than to allow themselves to do that. They are adults now that have to make adult decisions.

These ideas are much more chewy.

I've been here for a long time but this is the first time I found myself answering an ask so I feel like this

Anyway

HECK YEAH I LOVE THE FLAVOUR UGHHH

I too see their sexual tension and can't help but ship them.

I fucking love their kinda awkward dynamic where they don't see each other for a lot ton of time. Sometimes they don't even acknowledge the things they've been through when they didn't see each other but they don't esitate to defend the other and keep calling the other their best friend.

I always think about how Dick and Kori stayed at Wally's house after that wedding fiasco, how Dick got offended when Wally first came to Hal to ask for help and not Dick. They have this kind of pettiness and possessiveness when it comes to the other that it's SO funny actually if you think about it (also very cute).

I imagine them having feelings for each other but the timing was always wrong, maybe because at first Dick was the only one in love, and then maybe Wally realises Dick's feeling and finds that he may also feel something but he already has a girlfriend, and the the Teen Titans split up, and then they form again but Dick meets Kori and then Wally meets Linda and then it's the thing:

Something pushed you both in different directions. Us? I got married. He didn't.

THE REASON I LOVE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS AAAAAHHHH

It's the fact that you keep holding onto something that isn't there anymore because you aren't the same people with the same lives as before, but despite it all you still know and understand the other better than most people and keep coming back to that comfort that you'll always find with THAT person who somehow always knows what to do to make you feel seen and understood and just by hearing them you feel better.

Thanks for giving me an excuse to yap about them✨🤸

Some more moments to get my point across:

Ok that's it or I'll stay here for days.

#asks #first time using this tag insane #ok I'll stop #dick grayson #wally west #birdflash #romantic or platonic nothing can make me hate them #dickwally #dc comics #nightwing #the flash #robin #kid flash #teen titans

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blazinghotfoggynights · 19 hours

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I know Buddie fans prior to season 7 were not delusional, misinterpreting scenes, or making it all up. There were too many instances that were blatantly hinting at attraction, even if the two involved were oblivious.

(Also, platonic friends don't act like that. You may be able to gaslight those with very little life experience, but some of us have circled the sun more than a few times.)

With all that being said, I am at a point where I can see the writing on the wall. Buck and Eddie? I would say there is an infinitesimal chance it ever happens and that guy in power is laying the foundation for a BuckTommy endgame and Eddie Diaz is being confirmed as completely het. I wouldn't even be surprised if this is leading to an Eddie Diaz exit.

Buddie never happening is okay. I've been in fandom long enough to know there are authors who will give us excellent alternatives.

My issue lies with the character currently dating Buck and how he is being portrayed and embraced. (If you can't deal with even a bit of Tommy criticism, don't go past this point. This isn't about the ship wars or the actor. This is about accountability and the portrayal of women, LGBTQ, and POC in fiction.)

Before BuckTommy fans accuse me of being a Buddie shipper who is delusional or jealous, please. They are fictional characters. There are fanfic writers who are doing the lord's work, so I am completely fine.

What I don't like is the obviously slanted take on the situation of the character Buck has been paired with.

I haven't been extremely vocal about my feelings for the Tommy Kinard character and how his return has been handled, but I am going to touch upon it now.

I think the manner of that character's return is tone deaf and disrespectful to people of color, LGBTQ people, and women. Tommy now being an out gay man does not suddenly absolve him of his past actions. Racist, misogynist, homophobic taunting, insults, and humiliation have no excuse. Okay, there is one, but this blog is not ready to get into all that. (IYKYK)

Tommy Kinard returning to a universe where his deplorable actions are explained as merely giving in to peer pressure AND, what is even more unnerving, his victims forgiving him and becoming his friends is a slap in the face to every single POC, woman, or LGBTQ person who has been tortured for just being who they are. So no, I don't support or like the character and how his return has been handled. If he is called out and held accountable, that may change.

Before any problematic fans take that and run with it, I am going to say my issue is with the CHARACTER. I don't know a damn thing about the actor who portrays him. As a woman who spent time in a male dominated field, I know what it is like to be surrounded by those who feel that as het white males, they own the space and heaven help anyone who doesn't fit the same description.

Would I love to see Buddie happen? It's obvious I would. But, as with any work, the author has the right to take the story in any direction he or she wants to. They aren't obligated to give the fans what they want. That is what fandom works are for.

As someone who has witnessed the type of behavior Tommy engaged in under the prior Captain's tenure more often than I care to think about, erasing his past with a mere stroke of a key and acting as if it didn't happen or didn't matter makes me feel some type of way. Those who have experienced that treatment know what I am talking about. The people who are on the receiving end of the hatred are always expected to accept apologies, regardless of how self-serving or disingenuous they are, with appreciation, grace, and forgiveness. That is seriously problematic.

I don't mind if Buck and Eddie end up with other people. I just don't want those other people to be Tommy and Marisol. Give Buck a good guy or girl and give Eddie, well, right now, daily therapy and later, a good person.

For balance, I am not a Marisol fan either. Hiding important facts about yourself because you think the person will leave you is manipulative and deceitful. I've left people for doing it and I support anyone for doing the same.

#911 abc #911 on abc #9 1 1 buddie #buddie #buddie 911 #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #eddie x buck

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yooo-gehn · 2 days

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I have a tendency to idealize people and ideas, which is hard for me to admit. But I think it's not just me. Most of us tend to idealize. Don't we? It was Henry David Thoreau who said that rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. But I've come to believe that being able to handle the truth is a privilege. Almost like being able to travel and see the world. I think even the bravest people who claim they only care about the truth, eventually try to find an illusion they can live with, instead of facing a truth they cannot stand, or aren't prepared yet to acknowledge. Truths are just unbearable sometimes.

But I idealize what is already worth idealizing, it's like I'm looking at a gorgeous beautiful woman, then I call her a goddess. And I don't stop there, I believe she's a goddess, when she's just a human like us, a beautiful good one, but still, nowhere near being a goddess. Idealism makes life bigger than life, but I imagine if we took that out, we may lose half of our poetry, our literature, our art. Art sometimes doesn't recognize things exactly as they are, but it rather envisions them as better or worse, depends on what story the artist is telling.

It's as if the truth is not impressive enough, not appealing enough. It's like art is reality wearing make up.

I remember what Omar Alsherif once said, that in the 1950s he remembers that actors were among the most handsome, charming and beautiful people on earth, but they mostly couldn't act for shit. Which, by the way, why did we collectively think that those pretty people in the movies represent us, all of us?

But then, Omar continues, as the years went by, as the medium matured, as people evolved, superstars slowly and steadily started to welcome real everyday people. People who do look like us. Think Mohammed Farrag. Think Ahmed Zaki. Hell, think Meryl Streep. They're not super handsome, but you look at them and you relate to them, not because of how they look, but because you see your humanity in them, and perhaps that's what I've been trying to tell myself all along: Art idealizes, it taught me to idealize as a part of love, but I should abandon idealizing people, to honoring the humanity in them.

When the person you love most is not this star in the sky, and walks on earth along side you, it's a step closer to the person, it's a step closer to the truth, it's a step closer to yourself.

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andwhentheangelscome · 17 hours

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go off about the DE debrief pls

Okay okay okay okay SO - gosh, where to even begin.

Okay, so: You're standing above the Whirling-In-Rags (which - by the way - is an INCREDIBLE name for this particular location, as Harry is quite literally caught in the storm of his own hopes and failures and responsibilities and poverty BUT I DIGRESS ALREADY), and you're invited to take in a view of the square which will comprise a central location for the game's central drama, and here, at the end of your first day - for a new player, spent running around haphazardly, talking to people who hate you, who have strong opinions about you and about this world that you barely understand - both as the player AND diegetically as Harry - and right before you try to pack it in and give it another go tomorrow, Kim does something important: he invites you into the story in a way that frames not only what you have done in a way that is encouraging (something needed as a player after all the disorientation) but also deeply personal for this character.

This moment isn't just about the narrative gameplay utility of taking the player aside after they've finished Chapter One (so to speak) and making sure they understood the major components of the story that they're in. It's about giving the player a chance to see Kim Kitsuragi - a character who is deeply straight laced, and particular, and necessary for Harry's potential to heal and to move forward from this point where he's found himself - in a moment of genuine vulnerability, and also genuine power.

Kim pulls a cigarette. His minor vice, his personal challenge, one of the markers of his Cool. He takes you through the days events, making sure that as a new player, you aren't completely lost as to what your goals are here, and what's central to achieving them.

(I had forgotten about this until I've been watching it back - he also compliments the snakeskin shoes!!! The green does compliment the orange!!! And those SHOES - one of the many things that makes me headcanon Harry as a closeted-even-to-himself bisexual, like - Kim KNOWS that it's a bold fashion choice and admires it, okay I'm veering off what's just in the text itself now here)

And then he "zooms out," so to speak. We get a discussion of the RCM, an organization which is core to Kim's belief system, which I read as being a steadfast commitment to the ideals of self-governance, of propriety in the social order, of there being a right way to carry a weapon, and a right way to protect the things worth protecting.

He talks about having been a Moralist (a political ideology coded as being similar to specifically European Liberalism), when he was younger, and falters when trying to articulate why he moved on from their beliefs, except for throwing in a comment about how their motto is more about "what they want you to think about them" implying that, for all their talk, they fail to truly meet those values of "Love, Compassion, Self-Discipline", a statement which the situation in Martinaise genuinely supports.

And it's hard to understate how good the music is in this scene too. Breathy and expansive and yearning and defiant and sad.... It's everything that the story is set up to make you feel. It's big, and it's aching, and musically it's all about how it isn't time to give up yet, not now, not while there's still some way to stand on your two feet and do something about all the problems in the world.

And what's insane about that feeling and that idea is that it's actually the central thing that Harry and Kim deeply share. It's what makes them good cops. The story tells us - both directly through text, and through their actions (assuming that you're not playing Harry as a fucking fascist) - that they get up, every day, broken as they are, and try to Do Good in a world that is beautiful, and hostile, and complicated, and impossibly hard to see clearly through all of the ideologies, and the daily grind, and all the pointless pain, but you still have to try to do the right thing. Because it's worth it. Because that's what you owe it.

Harry has been beaten down by this challenge. He's tried to be good, and smart, and tough enough to take on the problems of the world, and of his community, and he has been brought here: to his last leg, to the Whirling-In-Rags, certain in his heart that he's been beat.

But Kim refuses to accept that answer, and so does Harry's soul (a stand-in for us, as the player), he refuses to accept that nothing can be done, just because the problems seem so large, and intractable.

And then Kim does the best thing that he could for Harry, and for us, who are facing the same exact questions in our own, much bigger, just as complicated world:

He stares the challenge down with courage. And despite what he believes through the clarity of his sight, he hopes for a better world:

It's this line, this Perception check, that I always come back to, when I think about what this game really wants me to take away from this whole story. There's more to it than just that, of course, this game is full of lessons about money, soldiers, workers, sex, power, honor, and beauty,

but this is the thing that I need the most, when I'm trying to find my own way forward. I need to be able to acknowledge that maybe I won't see the world become more kind, more loving, and more honest before I die. Maybe it'll still be just as hard and bleak in 20 or 50 or 100 years.

But still.

I still have to believe that the struggle won't break me down. That the work, the very belief that trying is worth it, will drive me forward,

that it will make me look young. when it should make me look tired.

And then just like that, it's over. It's time to go back inside, to let the moment fade, and to take that courage as far as it will take you.

There are so many good scenes and interactions in this incredible masterpiece of gameplay and storytelling, but the Day One debrief will stick with me forever, I think.

#knifepadme #disco elysium #i warned y'all when I reblogged that amazing art #i have a lot of feelings about this game #this isn't even half of it like this is just ONE scene #im not kidding when i say this game changed the way i think about myself and the world #i hope to be half the man that Kim Kitsuragi is in my lifetime #i hope to see the world as clearly and to be as hopeful and strong #and i hope that clarity and honesty and belief and strength for all of us #because i think that... maybe we could make revachol better #maybe we can at least make a difference #for me at least #i have to try

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ewansmitchell · 13 days

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art/patrick + old childhood best friends motif

#challengers #art x patrick #art donaldson #patrick zweig #artrick #*#this whole concept...i am sick over it you have no idea.#it will always make me go feral in fiction #i'm sorry it's so long idk if anyone's gonna read it but it's my bday today #and i've been thinking of all the people i used to love who aren't in my life anymore #and their relationship really resonated with me on a deep level #for this reason #fire and ice

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horsemage · 16 days

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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one #prob best if u don't expand the tags #am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time #so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch #it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who #have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that #when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in #a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs #and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and #they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times #like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying #I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so #I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of #them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in #their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door #this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl #this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything #AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great #emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too #is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of #knowing how to coexist politely in public #anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who #found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness #I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think #hater hour over love u guys bye

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averlym · 9 months

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which is gayer? SIX or Adamandi (real)

adamandi

#like. gotta break it to you. one of these musicals is canonically lgbtq and it's not the one where women sing about their dead husband yknow #like. idk what to say! but <shrugs>#ask me stuff???#must say the fandoms are really quite different. i'm quite fascinated by the dynamics tbh #also i realise a lot of the queendom(? forgot that was the name for a hot sec) go mad about women in shiny pretty costumes slaying #but also hmmmm adamandi is very much gender for me.( for all the characters. but specifically vincent and beatrix)#and the thing about queerness is it literally gets woven into the narrative. and it's Obvious.#smth about canonical lgbt+ rly is just. it hits. the representation is real? as opposed to fandom interpretations only #(and like... i love fandom interpretations and when people can see a new side to the character that they feel seen in!!!)#(but having it be in the original content is just... yeah... you do feel kinda especially seen)#watching adamandi was a bit like first watching firebringer for me? like except for sexuality it was gender o.O #firebringer was the first musical i saw with a canon wlw couple. and like i'd known that girls could like girls for a while but #there was the small italicised oh moment where i was like ''this is actually real'' <it's maybe worth noting i wasn't very active on soc me #about consuming things other than content. so i wasn't very exposed to the community at large. so representation in media mattered!!>#similarly it's been a while since then and both online and irl i've found people who are more open about it and accepting. i've been very #very lucky in that sense. to have specific irl friendgroups where we're all out to each other <based on sentiment? i think most of us #including me. aren't openly out irl> ... and online i'm really glad to have friends who Get It and are similar to me. but the representatio #... !!! omg hsnfjkfgdsdsghf yknow?? the representation in adamandi really got me. the pronouns thing especially.#and because the core source material is Like That.. existing fandom is all accepting already. so bonus points i guess #sorry i have turned this silly little question into a reflection prompt.. but. thoughts.#[wow. on further retrospection i've never outed myself at all online either people just saw the ship art and Inferred and]#[to be fair they were Not Wrong. idk. tumblr avvy is very vastly different from irl me but neither of us feel comfortable stating it so-]#[also worthy mention of the musicals fandom that exposed me to the whole concept of lgbtq+ being a Thing at the ripe young age of 14]#[what a way to discover it. really. i say this with extreme fondness. conversely i have friends who decided through genshin or anime so idk #<i'm aware of the diverse casting thing for six!! i think it's very cool!! i also realise the show plot doesn't really have much to do w it

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sarah-sandwich-writes · 4 months

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HOLD ON WAIT UP HOLD THE PHONE

I KNOW I WAS GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS THERE BUT HAS BLUE LIKE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF A SERIES OR IS THAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT???

I FEEL LIKE ITS CHRISTMAS ALL OVER AGAIN FUCK Y E A H

Okay so

I...

have been cooking

by which I mean illusions of grandeur and

schemes

And I have not been forthcoming lol Everyone kind of disappeared all at the same time so I kind of stopped talking about what I'm doing but I have been biding my time, quietly putting mechanisms into motion and plotting and occasionally cackling over my cauldron.

I finished the first draft of Blue like don't forget about me and didn't like it so I cut out all the sci-fi fantasy stuff (bye bye aliens farewell superpowers) and in November wrote a new first draft that's all contemporary romance babeee and I'm so in love with it I'm turning it into a little 3-part (possibly 4 if I can't control myself) series.

The original childhood years have been split off into a prequel novella called Red like my bleeding heart in your hand. Then Blue like don't forget about me will take place 20 years later. Nash works at Cherished Hope Nursing Home

“And what is it you do? At the nursing home, I mean.” I wipe shit off of old people. And Teddy’s a hockey player. What’s Luke, an underwear model? He shouldn’t have come.

Teddy comes back to town for a funeral and

Teddy looks at him for the first time in twenty years and every ounce of warmth leaves his expression. Message received. He should not have come.

OKAY SO AND THEN the next book will be Jo's POV and is called Violet like these delights. and MAYBE there will be a 4th from Luke's POV bc he gets to live this time by the grace of god (me) but it'll depend on how Violet goes (its current state is mostly vibes and a single overarching theme so, stand by).

Red needs a clean-up round of edits to snip out the few little threads that connected it to OG blue. And rewritten blue is basically done. I've done the major revisions and am about to start line edits and after those are done I'm sending it out to beta readers (lmk if you're interested).

There are concise actual summaries in my pinned post btw lol

WHICH REMINDS ME

The series title is Wildflowers of Deliverance. Which I'm extremely proud of. Did you notice did you notice how each title incorporates a wildflower did you did you? and the town they grew up in where Nash and Teddy first met is called Deliverance!!! It's okay I know I'm a genius.

And this brings us to the meal okay? because like I said I've been Cooking™ quietly but steadily for a few months now. ANd what have I been cooking? PLOTS and PLANS

I've decided on a pen name: Sarah B. Elisa

I've created a(nother) side blog for it that will be exclusively centered on my og writing and geared more toward readers rather than writers like this blog is: @sarahbe-writing

I'm going to create a website (as soon as I convince myself to spend money)

and a newsletter (as soon as I convince myself to spend money and do work)

I'm still waffling between trad publishing and DIY. I really like all my hats and it would be a shame to have to share them but oh my god I don't want to do all the marketing but trad pub seems hit or miss on how well they market you so I might get half of my hats taken away and still have to do the marketing bullshit UGH

anyway

OH YEAH and the OG draft I wrote for Blue? I'm going to spin it back to its OG OG roots [parkner, naturally--Return of The childhood friends to estranged almost lovers to super-powered rivals to reluctant allies to friends to lovers finally wip!!! AKA: We Were Gods (we were kids)] and that will fix all the things that went wrong and I didn't like 😌 so it's basically like double Christmas I think

#i have been #a tad reluctant to use the tag list #since because I scrapped the whole plot and genre and started over #feels like a teensie bit of a betrayal?#so idk i think i need to make a post (way fucking shorter than this one) and tag everyone and see who still wants to be tagged in stuff?#or maybe im close enough to the finish line i shouldn't do tag list stuff anymore? I'm kind of wary of oversharing bc #i totally did before #and the word count is smaller now #and there aren't like Plot Twists #it's a romance we all know how this is gonna end #so idk that's mostly why i've been quiet like haha what should i say and to who?#But anyway this weekend I'm going to get my shit together and put up some posts and get the ball rolling again #share some excerpts #get people excited #put out a call for beta and sensitivity readers #you know. work lol #also i missed you and i'm glad you're back <3333 #my notes were sooooo quiet lol #and i don't just mean on my writing stuff i love seeing all of your tags in my activity like Yay that's my friend!! And they're yellin!!!#we love to see it <3 #anyway #:)

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teaboot · 1 month

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This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

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evangelifloss · 2 months

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Thinking about a certain scene in Dungeon Meshi that completely encapsulates the Autistic experience of making friends as an adult and how hard it is to try and navigate it without ending up getting hurt.

Like IDK about y'all, but this is a common problem ALOT of Autistic Adults face when trying to make friends with other people, because unlike children who aren't good at keeping their opinions to themselves, Adults ARE. In society, we're even encouraged to "keep the peace" "be polite" and etc, which commonly leads to awful scenarios as shown above when Laois finds out his buddy has come to resent who Laois is without actually telling him. All too often the friends that we love to hang out with, people that we're so happy to spend time with, don't feel the same way and in many cases, come to blame us for our social cues or lack thereof.

And when/if we do eventually find out how our friend feels, Dungeon Meshi hits us with another painful panel of how that usually ends up playing out.

It's hard for Adults with Autism to make friends, and even harder to maintain them because alot of the ways Neurotypicals tell other Neurotypicals that they don't like a certain behavior is by quietly disengaging. Whether that involves having one sentence answers, going quiet, or having a certain tone in their voice, all those things signal annoyance or disapproval, but for the Neurodivergents, those subtle cues are completely missed.

And yet when we inevitably discover we DID do something, it is natural to ask "well why didn't you tell me?" because in our minds, it should've been the next step in the equation. However for the Neurotypicals, that's NOT something to bring up. Its important to be SUBTLE about the issue at hand and rely on signals to tell the other person. Blame is placed on us for not noticing the "obvious" signs of disapproval rather than the idea of talking it out as such things are uncomfortable and harder to do. Alot of the time what ends up happening is resentment due to the idea that it was "obvious" and the fact one didn't notice indicates a deliberate ignorance rather than a complete unawareness. It ends up calling into question our quality as a person and our sincerity. We get called "fake" or "malicious" or even "stupid" for failing social cues rather than questioning the decision to be indirect and vague.

For a manga about exploring the dungeon, it seems that the artist would rather explore very real and prevalent dynamics in society with the adventuring premise as a backdrop. I felt VERY seen in these panels, and many others, because it happens so suddenly and dare I say it, plainly. There's no dramatic build-up or spectacle made and in essence, it just Happens.

I think that's what makes the scene hit even harder. It seemingly comes out of nowhere for Laois, like how it always comes out of nowhere for alot of people, and it's never a dramatic twist either. It's always mundane and hurtful. A sudden unforeseen bump in the road that ends up calling into question one's entire friendship with someone and consequent other friendships. It asks "what if other friends feel the same. What if the people that I really like actually hate me and I don't know it?" Or at least that's what I came away with after reading the chapter. I've been where Laois was and the only reason I'm not there now is because I lost the naivete I had and doubt everyone else's sincerity.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #laois touden #laois dungeon meshi #ryoko kui #dungeon meshi analysis #autistic things #autism #adults with autism #autistic adult #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

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inkskinned · 8 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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