#also why I am not posting on my knitting blog lol
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Caving In [16]
Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader
Words: 11,998
Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon violence, blood, mentions of injuries (bruising, being shot with a tranquilizer), more yelling
Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas:
What is heavier,
The world or its people’s hearts?❞
You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.
A/N: We see Jason again this chapter, I promise!! Also, hi, next chapter is the last chapter of book 1 lmao there will be a 1 week break between this book and book 2 because I have chapters for book 2 done lol I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!
series masterlist | masterlist | tag list
After the next few hours, Gar and you keep up with city surveillance cameras but you haven't been able to spot Conner or Krypto. Your best guess is that they're probably in some secluded alley waiting for things to calm down before they start moving. It's a bit disappointing and disheartening. You and Gar need to find him and bring them back to the tower. It's not safe for them out there alone.
With no luck at the cameras, you convince Gar to come to the kitchen to have a snack. Neither of you have eaten in a while and you won't be useful if you're hungry. Gar reluctantly agrees but he pulls up the news on a laptop as he paces back and forth, you rummaging for a few granola bars. Gar tries to call Dick again but still gets his voicemail.
"Why isn't he answering?" Gar asking, words steaming with annoyance.
"Guilt?" You question, tossing Gar a granola bar from the other side of the counter. "I have no idea. Call Bruce again?"
"Uh...right, um." Gar rubs the back of his neck and you narrow your eyes at him.
He neglected to tell you that he did not call Bruce when he said he would. He went to call but then hung up before the call went through. Conner was your best chance at getting the Titans back together. He just wants them back, they belong together. They’re Titans. But, he knew you would probably be mad if he told you. You and Gar had one job.
"Gar, did you not call him?" You blink at him, sucking on your teeth.
Gar shakes his head, wincing. "Conner woke up and I thought if we called Bruce, he'd take Conner away and then we'd never get the Titans back to together."
You stare at him and you can't believe he was that desperate to lie and then not do what Dick told him to do. You know the Titans mean a lot to him but he should have called. This was probably part of why Dick wanted you to call Bruce. The two of you are not equipped to deal with this and what just happened proves that. But, Gar is beating himself up enough for it and you aren’t going to beat a dead horse. Especially because it’s Gar.
“Okay.” You let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing your face with your hands. “Okay, I’ll call Bruce then.”
“But we lost him. How are we--”
“Gar,” You shake your head. “Look, it’s Bruce Wayne. He raised Dick fucking Grayson and took Jason fucking Todd in who was stealing from the Batmobile, okay? He solves riddles from the Riddler. Us losing Conner? That’s child’s play. Bruce will know what to do.” You swallow your pride admitting Bruce might be kind of helpful right now and he might not yell at either of you for it. This can’t be worse than anything Dick and Jason have put him through.
“I’m really sorry.” Gar's brows knit together with guilt and you hang your head before looking back to him. You can't let him beat himself for it.
“It’s fine, I get it.” You sigh. “I just wish you would have told me. But, it’s okay. I get why you did it. I’ll call Bruce and we’ll find him.” You walk over to the other side of the counter and put your hands on his shoulders. “We got this.” You give him a confident smile and it does make him feel a little bit better.
You take your hands off him and just as you’re about to walk away, the alarm system goes off for zone two. Gar glances to you before going to the laptop and pulling up the intercom feed from the front door.
“Hello? Who's there?” Gar asks annoyed, not seeing anyone. You look over his shoulder, just seeing the buildings across the street.
Krypto jumps up on the screen and barks. You smile widely, already making your way toward the elevator. Gar follows right behind you, feeling a little bit of relief. At least Krypto is back and he can lead you both back to Conner.
You and Gar follow Krypto through the city, keeping up with him at an even pace. You almost laugh to yourself as you walk because this is kind of like Lassie. You're literally following a dog to find someone who's lost. But, Krypto is cooler than Lassie. He's a superdog. Gar, on the other hand, is just relieved you'll be able to get Conner and come back to the tower. He swears he'll be calling Bruce when you get back. He should have done it yesterday but he can make up for it now.
After about a fifteen-minute walk, Krypto runs ahead of you and Gar, jumping on someone in a trench coat. Gar feels the weight immediately lift from his shoulders. That's definitely Conner. You’re a bit surprised it was actually that easy to find him. But, you’re definitely feeling like you got lucky that no one had recognized him from the news.
"Great, dumbest dog ever." Conner says, looking down as Krypto sits right in front of him.
"He can ring a doorbell with his nose." Gar smiles softly at Conner as he walks up, you right to his left. "I've seen dumber."
"He brought Eve to the tower to find you, came to get us, found you again. Give him a little credit." You let out a soft laugh as you walk over to Krypto, patting his head gently.
Conner deadpans at the two of you, clearly not in the mood for anything. "Stay away from me." Conner states before walking off.
You look to Gar as his face falls. How is Conner possibly mad at the two of you? Sure, you were not specific with the Titan's instructions but he went rogue. It's at that moment you get why Dick was so angry at you and Jason, twice. You swear that thought will never see the light of day.
You and Gar start walking after Conner, taking long strides to keep up with him.
"What you did to those cops...you messed things up for a lot of people, including us." Gar says as you catch up to Conner. "I think we deserve an answer. What the hell happened?" You look to Gar and you’re proud of him for standing up himself. He doesn't do it nearly enough.
"When you invited me to be a Titan, I told you what I was. But you didn't listen cause that's not what you wanted to hear." Conner’s voice sounds hurt.
"You're right." Gar moves forward, standing in front of Conner so all of you come to a stop. "I didn't listen. Being a Titan isn't about being perfect. I..." Gar sucks in a breath, his voice lowering. "I killed a guy once. And I clawed him to pieces."
You remember after Jerry, Gar has said something about how he had killed someone and that must be what he's referring to. You didn't really ask, it didn't seem like something he wanted to talk about but given the look of distress on his face, you’re thinking maybe you should have. But, Gar is right. None of the Titans are perfect, and Conner doesn't have to be either. Being a Titan isn't about being perfect, it's about helping people who can't help themselves.
"So, maybe we should both be locked up." Conner states.
"Hey," You chime in. "No, that's not how it works. We all fuck up." You state, moving to stand beside Gar so you can look up at Conner. "You hurt those cops because you didn't know any better but everyone is capable of learning from their mistakes. Gar did what he had to survive. I nearly beat a guy to death for torturing me. We fuck up and then we work through it with each other. That's how it works."
Gar offers you a kind and grateful smile before looking back at Conner. "She's right. When we mess up, we learn from it with each other and so can you." Gar lets out a breath. "What we do...other people count on us to help them."
"Well, they shouldn't." Conner fires back.
"Why not? If you wanna argue about it, I'll argue." You cross your arms over your chest. "We can help them." You haven't actually been able to given Dick not letting any of you but that's the idea. "We have these abilities that we choose to use for good. Who you are has nothing to do with who your parents are. That's all you and you can choose to be good."
"And you two still hurt other people by choosing to be good." Conner strikes back and your eyes narrow.
But, before Gar or you can try reasoning more with Conner further, Krypto starts barking. The three of you look where Krypto is barking, seeing a dark grey armored vehicle show up with a CADMUS decal on the door. Those are the people who are looking for Conner and Krypto and you start getting a bad feeling about this.
"You guys have to get out of here, now." Conner states, lightly pushing Gar's chest before he starts walking confidently towards the vehicle.
You and Gar are quick to catch up to him. Gar runs in front of him, putting his hands on Conner's chest to stop him.
"No, no, no!" Gar's words rush together. "Do you really want to hurt someone else?" He asks as the three of you come to a stop.
"You can choose to walk away, Conner." You state.
Conner looks between you, jaw clenched. But, he doesn't start to move forward.
"Come on!" Gar taps Conner's shoulder and the three of you start running, Krypto running slightly in front of you.
The four of you run back to the tower, hoping CADMUS didn't notice you or follow you. You hope you lost them. You kept looking over your shoulder, checking but you’re pretty sure you lost them when you took a shortcut down an alley and cut across to a second one. That's the last you remember seeing them but there is a part of you that starts to worry about it.
They're looking for Conner. They're going to keep looking for him. Gar and you are not equipped to deal with that on your own. You’re worried for Conner. If anyone knows what it's like to be held against their will, it would be you. It's CADMUS and they made him which means it was probably torture. The anxiety creeps into the back of your throat but you have to swallow it down as you get out of the elevator. This isn't about you. This is about keeping Conner safe.
“Hey, you know they’re just gonna keep coming after me, right?” Conner asks as he sets his coat down on one of the table chairs.
Gar grabs three drinks from one of the shelves in the kitchen while you take a seat at one of the barstools.
“Let them try.” Gar states, putting the drinks down in front of you.
“We’re always gonna help.” You add in. You wouldn’t risk someone being subjected to what you were.
“This is my mess, not yours.” Conner states.
“This is what the Titans do.” Gar urges, leaning his arms on the counter, facing you and Conner.
“We protect people, including our own.” You give Conner a nod.
The words still feel a little sour in your mouth. That's what you're supposed to do but it doesn't feel like that's the case. You keep that to yourself though. It's not fair to argue that right now. Giving Conner this rundown of the shit that happened a few days ago isn't going to help anyone or anything or this situation. You decide just to back Gar up on this.
“Exactly, we have each other’s backs.” Gar smiles proudly before walking back off to the pantry.
“So, where are they? The other Titans.” Conner asks and you spin on your chair, facing away from Conner and towards Gar. That's all for Gar to explain.
“You know what,” Gar pauses for a second. “Maybe I should do what Dick wanted me to do in the first place.” Gar walks back of the pantry and pulls out his phone.
“Yes, yes you should.” You nod your head. This is gonna be a big mess if he doesn’t get ahold of Bruce. You cannot take CADMUS.
“Call in the big guns.”
“We’re gonna use guns?” Conner asks, a little worry in his voice.
“No, it’s just a metaphor. Calling Bruce Wayne.” Gar says with a smile.
“You are calling him, right?” You raise your brows at Gar and Gar nods softly at you, typing into his phone.
“Yeah, we need him.” Gar states and he starts to walk away but then there’s a security alert.
“Zone six, unauthorized access.” The automated voice says through the tower and Gar pauses, looking back at you.
“What’s that?” Conner asks.
“Zone six is the roof.” Gar's voice is filled with confusion.
"Why does it have to be roof?" You let out an exasperated whine. You’re really starting to hate rooftops.
The three of you look around, as if unsure what you should do but before you and Gar can check the security cameras, the floor-to-ceiling windows shatter. You lean away, dodging the glass. Gar takes a few steps further away and Conner flinches away from the windows. People in all black with guns start to storm the tower.
They repel through the windows and start coming in through the hall leading to the training room. You jump up from your spot, moving away from them, meeting Gar and Conner at the very end of the counter. Krypto starts barking as he runs in to join you. Gar puts his hands up, not knowing what the hell else to do with guns pointed directly at him.
Krypto starts barking and won’t stop while the men say to shut him up. Before they can act though, Krypto uses his superspeed and jumps onto one of the men, tackling him to the ground. Unfortunately, another man shoots a net with glowing green orbs at the ends right at Krypto and captures him. Conner jumps into action with the sound of Krypto whimpering.
This cannot be happening. The tower is supposed to be safe. It’s supposed to be secure but now you’re being stormed by fucking CADMUS. You feel your mouth run dry and this can’t be happening. They’re going to take Conner and probably kill you and Gar. How does this shit keep happening? But, now is not the time to panic so you watch them carefully, the throbbing hasn’t started yet but you’re sure it’s going to.
Conner punches two men at the same time, sending them flying backward and onto the floor. Two men start to walk towards you and Gar, Gar still having his hands up. You look to Gar and you’re thinking the same thing. Do or die. You nod at him and Gar attacks on of the men, grabbing his gun and then yanking him by his head, into the wall while you grab the other man.
You grab the gun, shoving the gun into him with all of your force before using it as momentum to swing him around into the kitchen area. You twist the gun around, as the man loses his grip and use the weapon to drag him further to your level. You bring your knee up to knee him in the face before landing a hit to the back of his neck, sending him to the floor.
You and Gar look at each other with pride before the throbbing starts kicking in, right in the front of your head. Your eyes widened and you grab Gar by his jacket, yanking him down behind the center counter and to the floor just as another man starts shooting at the two of you.
“Thanks.” Gar says, breathing heavily.
“Got you.” You offer a nervous smile. The throbbing has moved to the side of your head where more men have started shooting and Conner is still dealing with a few others. “Got a plan?”
“I’ll distract them so you can move.” Gar rushes his words, ripping his jacket from his shoulders while his face turns green. “Keep fighting.”
You look above you seeing the block with all of the kitchen knives. You crawl to the left of Gar so you’re right under where the knives are, Gar fully transformed now. Gar walks out from the counter, growling at one of the men before he jumps on him. You take that as your chance to stand up, and immediately start grabbing knives. The throbbing starts coming from the back of your head and slightly to right. In a swift motion, you spin, hitting one of the men whose gun is aimed right at you. You hit him right where his neck peaks out of his protective gear. He drops to the ground, holding the wound where blood starts spraying out of it.
You take the knives, moving towards where Gar is to make sure he’s doing okay. Gar still has a guy pinned as a few more men come in, all aiming guns at you, Gar, and Conner and the throbbing intensifies, right in the front of your head but you’ve been training for this. You start throwing the knives with everything in you, one right after the other, hitting two men and they go to the ground but the throbbing switches to the side and it's all starting to mush together as you catch a glimpse of Gar slowly moving away from the man on the ground and he looks hurt. Two men are moving to either side of the counter to surround you so you throw your last knife at the guy to the right, turning to fight the other one.
You take the first swing but he uses the gun to hit you away, the butt of the gun connecting with the side of your face. Before you can regain your footing, you feel a hard hit to your right leg. You try to fight through it, trying to grab the gun from this man as well but he yanks it away and the world starts spinning around you. You sway slightly before going to the floor with a heaving breath.
You drag yourself up against the counters facing the windows, while your heart rate starts to slow. Your vision is blurry and warped as you look in front of you. Gar is leaning against the opposite counter with a heaving chest, no longer in tiger form. They shot him, too and there's a bloody handprint right before his head. This can't be happening. It can't be happening. You have to save him.
You look to your leg. There's a dart sticking out of your leg and you know that's not good but there's no real panic happening. You should be panicking, getting an extra boost of adrenaline, but it's like your entire body is shutting down, the adrenaline won't kick in. You pick up your arm to pull it out and your arm feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. It takes you a few tries to get your arm to line up with the dart. It's like your brain isn't quite connecting with your body and it's frustrating but eventually, you’re able to pull the dart out of your leg.
Gar looks to you and you lost. He was shot with a tranquilizer and he can't do anything to help. He's stuck here and you are so in over your heads. Everything is so heavy and it's hard to breathe. Gar can barely keep himself up right and he's watching you struggle to breathe in front of him. He really messed up this time. And he's fucking scared. They're gonna kill you both.
A woman comes in with more men, they walk in through the elevator and her voice sounds distorted to you as your eyelids grow heavier. You’re wheezing with every breath, trying to look over to Conner. You get a hazy glimpse of him just standing there. You have no clue what the hell is going on but what you do know, is that you are so screwed. And no matter how badly you want to get up and keep fighting, your legs won't work. Your arms are too heavy to lift and it feels like you’re in a fever dream. Every second is a struggle as the woman keeps talking and finally, you’re body gives out to the tranquilizer.
You don’t come to until the following day. You’re in the same spot you were before and your head still feels heavy and foggy. At first, you just feel a little disoriented and confused. For just a second, you forget what happened last night, aren’t sure why you’re on the floor in the kitchen. Your right leg where you were shot with the tranquilizer is sore. Your breathing is ragged while you look around slowly. But confusion clouds your mind as you look around slowly seeing broken glass and blood around you. And that’s when everything starts to become clear.
Gar, Conner, Krypto. Tranquilizer darts. Guns. Fighting.
A sense of panic washes over you as you look at the spot in front of your where you last saw Gar, the bloody handprint staring directly at you. Your head starts to throb, but not for fighting, just from a normal headache. You know Gar wouldn’t leave you here if he were still here and your heart breaks. They took him. They took all three of them and left you for dead. But you can’t focus on that, you need to get help. So, you start to get up.
You place your hands on the cool floor beneath you and push up. Your arms feel like limp spaghetti but you push through it. Tranquilizers are just an anesthetic and you know the more you come to, it’ll start to wear off. You need to just find a way to push through it. You lean forward, grabbing the counter for support as you lift yourself up, groaning as your leg feels like it has the worst Charlie horse of the century. You keep pressure off it as you get fully to your feet, your heart thundering through your ears. The whole room feels off and it’s starting to make your nauseous.
You groan and pull out of your phone from your pocket. Your vision takes a second to focus on the screen as you go to your recent text thread, hitting the call button.
“Hey, it’s Jason. Leave a message or don’t.”
“Seriously, Jay? Answer your damn phone.” You huff into the phone. “The fucking was attacked. I’m hurt and CADMUS took Gar, Conner, and Krypto. Call me.” You hang up the phone, rolling your eyes before you start texting him.
You: Gar kidnapped, hurt, check your voicemail shithead
You let out a sigh and pull up Dick’s contact whose voicemail is now full. You grit your teeth before letting out a scoff. You pull up Kory’s number and that goes to voicemail. What is with these people? Can’t anyone answer a phone? Everyone has their phone attached to their hip, constantly on it but now there’s an emergency, everyone conveniently can’t answer? You grow more annoyed as you start making your way through all of the Titans. Donna, Dawn, Hank. You even try Rachel and not a single one of them can answer the phone either.
You nearly chuck your phone across the room. What the fuck are you supposed to do if you can’t get ahold of anyone to help? The boys could be getting tortured or killed right now and you’re stuck here, no backup. You’re all alone and hurt. The panic sets in as your hands start to shake and tears burn the back of your eyes. Your nose grows warm and you have no idea what you’re supposed to do. Your breathing quickens as the room starts to spin. You can’t do this on your own.
But, then your phone starts ringing, Donna’s name appearing on the screen.
"Hey—"
"Where are you?" You rush your words, wiping your eyes with your sleeve. "I need help, Gar was kidnapped with Conner and Krypto. Dick isn't answering the phone."
"Slow down, what happened?" Donna stops, looking around the street.
"Gar, Conner, and Krypto were kidnapped. We were attacked last night by the people looking of Conner." Your throat feels raw like sandpaper.
"Where are you?" Donna starts walking quickly.
"Still in the tower, they used s tranquilizer on me? I guess I don't know. I just came to."
"Stay there, do not move. I'm on my way."
"Thank you." You let out a breath, the smallest bit of relief coming over you. At least Donna called back.
You pocket your phone and you need to get yourself straightened out. You'll explain everything to Donna but you want to be ready for whatever Donna will come with to help them. You have to be ready.
You limp over to the fridge and grab a bottle of water, taking a few sips of it to ease the cotton mouth. The water is cool and helps perk you up a little bit. It helps the panic subside a little as you take a few deep breaths before you start limping to your room.
You grab new clothes to change into, getting a look at the damage a tranquilizer dart can cause. There's a deep bruise covering the majority of your thigh and you wince at the sight of it, understanding why it actually hurts to walk. It sucks and it hurts, but you’re honestly relieved that's all there is. Tranquilizers used for wildlife, something like a tiger for example, can kill people. You’re not really sure what type they used or the dosage, but you feel lucky to not be dead right about now.
While you change and grab your knives, you can't help but feel the guilt seep into your bloodstream like an infection. It's there and tugging at every part of you. You had them. You were holding your own just fine and you got that glimpse of Gar. That split second and it made you pause. You should have been able to take the last two. You should have been able to help Gar. And the more you think about it, you should have used your powers.
You were just so scared to use them. A part of you think the only reason you’re even still here right now is because they didn't know you have powers. Gar does. He made it obvious and maybe that's why they left you for dead but not him. And you think you should have tried because trying is better than nothing. You could have made a barrier around you and Gar, around the counter of some sort, maybe. You could have done something to try and protect all of you. And the more you think about it, the more the anxiety creeps in like the reaper waiting for you to finally cave in. Because, you think they would have taken you, too if you used your powers and you would have been held captive three fucking times. You don't think you would survive a round three. And you should have been able to save Gar, regardless.
The guilt is suffocating.
Donna comes up the elevator two hours later. You’re sitting in the living room, an ice pack to your leg while your phone is glued to your hand. Your eyes are trained on the text thread with Jason, several of your messages fill the screen from the last few hours. You chew the inside of your cheek and flip to Dick’s text thread, it looks similar to Jason’s.
“Y/n?” Donna calls with hesitance.
“Here.” You call, your voice flat.
Donna walks over, looking around the tower and seeing glass, blood, and knives covering the floor. “Are you okay?” Donna gets a look at the bruise across the right side of your face as you look up at her.
“Yeah.” You nod, keeping it short. “We have to save Gar. And Conner and Krypto. I’m fine.”
“What even happened?” Donna looks to the windows, every single one of them shattered.
“They came in through the windows first, started attacking. I don’t know. We had the alert for the roof but they came in before we could do anything.” You shrug, grabbing the ice pack as you stand up.
“And they took them but not you?”
You shrug once more and you get a distant look in your eyes. “Guess so, I, uh, I didn’t use my powers. Maybe that’s why. It’s CADMUS, we saw them earlier when we were out.”
“You saw CADMUS and you and Gar didn’t call anyone?” Donna almost yells.
You narrow your eyes. The last thing you want right now is to be told you fucked up. You’re very well aware of that right now. “Does it fucking matter? They were here within ten minutes of getting back and none of you answer your fucking phones anyway.” You let out a scoff and you hang your head for a second. “We tried.” You look back at Donna and Donna lets out a sigh.
“Okay,” Donna runs a hand through her hair before putting a hand on her hip. “You’re positive it was CADMUS?”
“That’s what the truck said and some woman came in. I don’t know what she was saying. They shot me with a tranquilizer so I was out of it. But, we have to save them. Who knows what fuckshit they’re doing to them.”
Donna pauses for a second and if it’s CADMUS, the two of you are gonna need some help. The others aren’t answering your calls and to be fair, the last time you all spoke, you were screaming at most of them. But, that’s not an excuse and Donna knows something is up. She hasn’t been able to reach Dick either.
“You’re gonna think of a plan, right?” You ask and there’s a hopefulness to your voice as you knit your brows together. As upset as you are with the Titans, Donna showed up and she looks worried. You have no choice but to rely on her.
“Yeah,” Donna nods. “I’ll start calling and trying to get some backup, we’ll need it.” You give Donna a soft nod while Donna pulls out her phone.
Before Donna can start making calls, she gets a phone call herself. You watch her carefully as Donna answers. Her brows knit together as she says Rachel’s name and you nearly roll your eyes. Not because it’s Rachel but because by the way Donna said her name, there’s something else happening. Everything is really crumbling around you right now.
“Rachel?”
“I think she’s in trouble?” Donna questions. “Have you heard from her?”
You blink at Donna. “Nope.” You pop the ‘p’. “Haven’t spoken to her since that day.”
“Right,” Donna sighs. “Well, we’ll need backup anyway so…we have to go help her.”
You let out a sigh, looking up and then back to Donna. “What about Gar? We know for sure he’s in trouble.”
“We can’t just walk into CADMUS by ourselves. We need help. Come on.” Donna turns on her heels, walking towards the elevator.
You let out a groan but limp quickly after Donna, catching up to her. You aren’t a big fan of the idea but Donna might have a point. If the four of you last night were no match for CADMUS, you and Donna won’t stand a chance even entering the front entrance. You hate it because Gar is in trouble right now and you going after Rachel means that’s more time CADMUS has with Gar. But, you’re given no choice in this matter and all you can do is follow Donna to the car and hope you’ll have some sort of plan to save Gar.
You and Donna start your drive to some place called Elko Diner and the ride is quiet. You keep your stare out of the window, thinking. You replay last night over and over, picking apart everything you could have done better. It’s not making you feel any better, you’re pretty sure it’s making you feel worse which at this point, a part of you thinks you deserve.
Donna glances over at you a few times, the silence between you feeling a little unsettling. In the short time you were at the tower together before everything went to shit, she heard you talk a lot. You were always talking to either Gar or Jason but you’ve been silent for an hour. Donna gets it, beating yourself up over everything that went wrong.
“You know it’s not your fault, right?” Donna finally asks.
You snap your attention to Donna. “Mhm, yeah, just…” You let out a scoff. “Wasn’t enough again.”
“You guys didn’t stand a chance against CADMUS. There was nothing else you could do. We’ll get the boys back.”
“Yeah.” Your word is short and quick. “Hope so.” You chew the inside of your cheek and you aren’t going to talk about the inner workings of your head with Donna. This is a three-hour drive to this diner. You can’t sit in complete silence the entire way so you’re going to try and talk this shit out. You’re going to have to trust Donna which means talking and letting some shit go.
“You were wrong, by the way. About Jason.” You change the subject, putting the spotlight on Donna.
“You’re still going on about that.” Donna lets out a sigh.
“Obviously.” You roll your eyes. “It was Rose. Gar and me found the footage and it was her. Like I said, not Jason. And I needed you to know that.”
“Rose? How did she even know any of that?”
“Her dad, apparently. She’s been working with him the whole time so all of us got played.” You look over to Donna who looks completely lost. “It’s a long story but yeah, that’s a thing. We don’t know how he knew anything though but…ya know.”
“Guess I owe the more annoying Robin an apology.”
“You all do.” You state, rolling your eyes.
“Hey, who else would have been?” Donna tries to defend herself.
“Doesn’t matter, he went to the roof and was gonna jump off but you’re all so self-absorbed that none of you cared to even offer an apology. Dick hurt your feelings so you got mad, fine but you all should have been nicer to Jason. His feelings and innocence were never any concern of yours.”
“We aren’t self-absorbed.” Donna lets out a scoff. “You don’t know us well enough to even have that opinion.”
“You made it obvious. If anyone would have done that shit, they wouldn’t have deserved to feel the way Jason did. It hurt your feelings what Rose did and that’s valid, but it never should have led Jason to the roof. Even now, you’re defending your distaste towards Jason when I’m telling you how he felt. Self-absorbed.” You look over at Donna with raised brows.
Donna clenches her jaw and maybe there is a point to be made with what you’re saying.
“Okay.” Donna says reluctantly. “We all could have handled it better. We owe him an apology.” Donna glances to you who still looks displeased. “He’s not….that…bad.”
You let out a laugh with Donna trying to get the words out in a single sentence. “He isn’t, he kind of reminds me of Dick sometimes. I think that’s why they butt heads so fucking much. But, yeah, you should apologize and kiss his ass.”
Donna scrunches her nose at the thought. “I am not kissing his ass.”
“It would be funny.”
“To who?”
“To me. I need a good laugh.” You let out a breath.
“I am sorry. You’re not Jason but…I’m sorry.” Donna glances to you for just a second.
“Thank you.”
You look in front of you and you let it go. Gar comes back into your thoughts and you worry all over again. You hate worrying so much. It’s exhausting and it clouds everything else in your mind. You can’t focus on worrying about him when you still have a two-hour drive ahead of you. You don’t have a plan. You have nothing right now. So, you try your best to push the guilt down and the thoughts of Gar away and start asking Donna questions about missions and the rope. You figure that might actually be a good distraction and maybe one of the stories will spark some sort of idea to help you save the boys.
You and Donna finally get to the diner, exiting the vehicle. You both take a second to look at the outside. It's in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farmland. You’re beginning to think this is the beginning to a bad Children Of The Corn movie. It's a bit unsettling and the diner looks rundown, old. But, Donna looks at you, jerking her head towards the diner before you both start walking and head inside. You're met with not only Rachel but Kory and Dawn as well. You look at everyone, already confused as to what the hell is going on here. How did they all know to meet up here?
"Is this real or am I going crazy?" Kory asks.
You look at Donna. "Am I still high?" You let out a huff, everyone snapping their attention to you.
"Tranquilizer, long story." Donna adds in.
There's a short pause before Dawn nods. "This is definitely real."
"Why are you following me?" Rachel's voice is snippy and annoyed as she looks at Donna. Now that's also weird. What the fuck is happening?
"Following—what? You called me and told me to come here." Donna states.
"No, I didn't." Rachel looks to you. "Why are you here?"
"Called Donna for help then you called Donna, I was there." You give Rachel a look of pure annoyance.
"My check engine light went out." Dawn states before looking at Kory. "Kory?"
"I'm just here for the donuts." Kory shakes her head.
Just then, the door opens again and everyone turns to see who could possibly be walking into this diner now. Your jaw about hits the floor as everyone else looks at the man who's dressed nicely.
"Bruce?" Donna asks.
"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne." You let out a chuckle. "I'm definitely still high." Donna gives you a disapproving look.
"I'm so glad you all could make it." Bruce says.
All of you gather around, taking seats at different tables. You sit on one of the tabletops behind Kory, just looking past her to see Bruce. You all take turns filling Bruce in as to what's happened over the last few weeks. You all fill him in about Dick and Deathstroke, the events that lead to you and Jason being held captive as well as the detail to that. Bruce sits with one leg over the other, carefully listening to everything the five of you have to say.
"This is troubling news." Bruce says. "And no Conner or Gar?"
"No." Donna answers sadly.
"CADMUS has them." You state. "They attacked last night."
"What?" Kory gets a look of sadness as she looks at you.
"Hence the bruise." You gesture around it.
"I am aware of what's happened to all of you. And I...I'm sorry." Bruce states. "Lies can tears a family apart and hope been living in the aftermath of that. And it's a...lonely place to be. But this was a...this is...a family of choice. Breaking apart was a choice. In the light of this news, I'm asking you to make another one. To come together. Walking away from bad feelings is easy. It's much harder to take the blow, and come back for more, but that's what a family does. If you can unite, you can face any threat. But if darkness arrives while you're still cast apart, I truly believe that none of you will survive.." Bruce pauses as he stands up, the whole room growing eerie. " If you won't protect one another, who will?" Bruce asks with a nod before grabbing a biscuit and leaving the five of you to yourselves.
"That was fucking morbid." You mutter, understanding why Jason and Dick are so pessimistic right about now.
"Did he just leave?" Donna asks.
"Yup." Dawn answers.
"So, let's get this straight. Bruce Wayne somehow miraculously arranged for us all to meet in this diner in the middle of nowhere to mansplain us into putting the Titans back together?" Kory asks.
"Yup." Dawn answers as she gets up and puts her coat on. "I think that's exactly what just happened." Dawn lets out an exasperated sigh.
You’ve never met Bruce Wayne, you only know about him. He's always seemed a little weird to you but right now, that proves that thought. He just organized for all of you to get together, somehow. Gave you some weird ass speech and then leaves. He doesn't actually offer any help or anything. Just leaves.
Suddenly, there's a sound of static coming from the front of the diner. All of you get up and head to the front. You see an old TV, static on the screen before it switches to a news report.
"Today's top story. Two men escape Kane Jail, apparently aided by imprisoned Detroit police detective Dick Grayson. More details on this story and more on our next news update."
"That sure explains a lot." You let out a scoff. "He left us to get himself arrested."
"I'm sure he didn't do on purpose." Rachel snaps.
You roll your eyes in Rachel’s direction before looking to Donna.
"You got to be fucking kidding me." Donna states, her voice annoyed. She shakes her head and jerks it towards the door. "Let's go, Y/n."
"Finally." You let out a breath and follow Donna right on her heels out of the diner, the other women close behind.
"Donna, wait." Rachel calls.
"Troy, where are you going?" Kory asks.
"Back to San Francisco." Donna turns around to face them, you following suit.
"To save Gar and Conner." You quip.
"No, we need to save Dick." Rachel argues, stopping Donna before she can turn around and keep walking.
"Dick's on his own." Donna yanks her arm back.
"What is wrong with you?" Rachel asks.
"Me? Look, I know Dick Grayson, okay?" Donna starts. "He put himself up on that cross. Nailed himself to it. Now he's gonna have to take himself down, too."
"Donnas right. Whatever Dick's doing, he's doing to himself." Dawn agrees with Donna.
“He saved your life, Y/n!” Rachel turns it to you, knowing she won’t get anywhere with other women.
“Okay?” You shrug. “And Gar is like, important and didn’t get himself kidnapped on purpose so? You’re on your own here, buddy.”
“He saved us!” Rachel grows angrier with your response.
“Who the fuck cares!?” You snap. It doesn’t matter that Dick saved you. Gar needs your help.
“You should. You want to let him rot away in federal prison?” Rachel’s voice is offended this time.
“Yeah, kind of, Rachel.” You state with ease.
“How can you say that!?” Rachel yells. “He’s done so much for us!”
You roll your eyes. Yes, Dick has done a lot for all of you. But, so has Gar. Dick saved your life but Gar is your best friend. Gar is there for you and you’re there for him. Dick did this to himself. The choice is easy.
“Okay, guys—“ Kory tries to break it up.
“Dude, I, from the bottom of my heart, could not give less of a flying fuck right now.” You nearly breaks out into a fit of laughter. You’re so flabbergasted that Rachel is actually choosing Dick right now.
“How can you say that?” Rachel’s brows pull together as if she’s hurt by what you said.
“With ease, actually.” You quip, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly.
“We’re saving him, you don’t get a say,” Rachel crosses her arms over her chest and you’re done. This is ridiculous and you were already mad at her but this is the edge.
First of all, Rachel is not your keeper. Rachel doesn’t get to decide what you do or don’t do. And second, this isn’t her decision. Rachel doesn’t get to control what everyone else gets to do. Donna is with you on this one and you kind of want to see Rachel try to stop you.
You limp closer to her, getting in her face. “Fuck Dick Grayson and fuck you for being his fucking lap dog all the damn time. You know, I defended you a lot against Jason but I get it now.” You give Rachel a sinister laugh. “It doesn’t matter what Dick does because you’ll always be up his ass. He dropped us from a fucking skyscraper, he left me and Gar in charge of some random ass dude knowing people would be looking to hunt him down as if we had any business dealing with that alone. He got himself arrested on fucking purpose. Fuck Dick Grayson, got it?”
“Y/n, I think you need—“ Dawn starts, putting a hand on your shoulder.
You shrug her hand off. “Calm down? Fuck that. I’m sick of being calm about this shit. It’s always about fucking Dick.”
“As opposed to it being about you?” Rachel challenges.
Your eyes widen, shaking your head as if you can’t process what Rachel just said. What the fuck is she even talking about? “It’s not fucking about me, Rachel. This is about Gar!” Your voice echoes in the parking as you toss your arms out to the side. “CADMUS fucking took him! What part of that doesn’t seem urgent to you!? They hurt him and they took him and you’re so wrapped up about some guy that got himself arrested on purpose! That you left, may I remind you! None of it would have happened had he left Jericho alone but he didn’t. He started all of this shit. And now Gar is kidnapped and for all we know, they’ve killed him and your wounded puppy ass wants to help Dick!? They are probably torturing Gar right now because of his whole tiger thing. Over my cold dead body am I going to save Dick before I save Gar.” You huff in Rachel’s face.
This is insanity. It’s the last day at the tower all over again. Trying to get anything through Rachel’s head is worse than explaining rocket science to a brick wall. It is infuriating. You don’t get her at all. The whole time Rachel defends Gar and is on Gar’s side but when it fucking matters, it’s about Dick? You can feel your blood boiling and you’re already on edge. You’re not dealing with Rachel’s shit today.
Rachel stands her ground, unphased by you. “You’re saying I’m a wounded puppy?” Rachel crosses her arms, letting out a bitter laugh and you can feel yourself falling into the pits of rage. “You’re still mad about that stuff with Jason! That’s why you don’t want to save Dick. We’re going to get Dick and there’s nothing you do about it.”
“That’s it!” You bring your arm back, connecting your fist with Rachel's face as the other women jump in. Donna pulls you away while Kory checks on Rachel whose nose is bleeding. "Jason was fucking right about you!" You scream, fighting against Donna to let you go. "You're fucking nuts for actually siding with Dick right now!"
"You punched me!" Rachel screams, her nostrils flaring.
"Yeah, I fucking did! I punched you because I won't be telling Gar that you really wanna put him in last fucking place and I punched you for how you fucking treated Jason! You were the one that started that shit that led him to the roof! That punch is for my boys, so fuck you!"
“I didn’t choose Dick over Gar!” Rachel tries to take a step forward, Kory blocking her away from you. “You think because Jason helped you train behind Dick’s back that you take on anyone or anything.” Rachel snips. “You think you can do whatever you want, just like Jason! Look what happens when you do that!”
“First of all, it wasn’t behind Dick’s back. We were trying to be productive unlike you who took out your jealousy on Gar! Yeah, he told me what you said to him, asking if he growled at Dr. Light. I will defend those boys against the entire world. Dick has done a lot for us and while he pisses me the fuck off sometimes, I do like him and respect him but this was his choice.”
“Jason treats everyone like shit! Why can’t you see that!? He’s not even here! He left and you’re still defending him! Dick did what was best for us! How can you even stand her yelling at me!?” Rachel screams at you.
“You also left, Rachel! The irony is that somehow, amongst all of us standing here, I was the one that stayed! I chose to stay and everyone else bailed!” Sam screams past Donna, her throat growing raw. ”But I get why Jason left which is why, even when I wanna be mad, I can’t be. Because I get it. Gar and Jason are everything to me and I don’t know why that’s such a fucking problem for you. You're literally standing her talking shit about Jason when he's not even here and then choosing to get Dick out of prison instead of saving Gar's life! You're insane!"
“This is life or death! You should have used your powers! If I were there--”
“Here we fucking go. Round and round and round we go. Where we will stop on the Rachel has a fucking hero complex stop? Everyone deals with shit differently but the only way you can defend yourself is with your powers.” You glare at Rachel. “You have nothing besides your powers. Powers get you fucking killed and kidnapped, as has been proven in the last twenty-four hours. If you were there, you probably would have hurt Gar!”
“Fuck you!”
“Not even in your wildest dreams, Rachel!” You snark back.
“Gar deserves better than you! Okay, you wanna go find him and then what? You leave to hunt down Jason, right? You sound just like him, you train like him, you went through the same things. Both of you think no one likes you which is true! You guys put everyone in danger without ever thinking about anyone else! He left you! And for Deathstroke’s daughter!”
You let out a sinister laugh and it’s such a low blow. You don’t get how Gar is actually friends with her if this is how she treats people when she’s mad. And you hate to admit that comment actually hurt a little.
“We are friends, Rachel.” You grit your teeth and you’re done arguing about this shit. “I don’t know why the fuck you care so much about us. Is it guilt, maybe? That you aren’t going after Gar? Do you feel guilty so you’re trying to make me feel guilty enough to hunt down Jason instead of Gar so that way if Gar dies, you can again, point the finger at me?” You shake your head, disgusted with this whole argument. “Gar deserves better, you’re right and guess what. It’s why we’re friends. I chose Jason, despite him going with Rose but that’s none of your fucking business. We are friends, all of us. So, if you wanna keep throwing my feelings in my face, fucking fine. But I can live with my decisions, can you?” You let out a sigh as you stop fighting against Donna. “I’m done fucking arguing about this shit with you. It’s not fucking worth it. Do whatever the hell you want but I’m going to save Gar.” You turn away from her and start walking towards Donna’s car.
Rachel lets you walk away, letting the argument simmer in the air. It’s more than Dick being there for her and saving her. Gar has done that, too and she does care about him. Gar is her best friend, too. But, there’s more to it and she was hoping she wouldn’t have to come clean about it but it doesn’t look like she’ll get so lucky.
“That was…” Donna start.
“Dramatic.” Kory mutters.
Rachel stands there with wide eyes and decides to come clean. “I’m having dreams again.”
You pause, turning around to face Rachel.
"I was at Dick's funeral. Deathstroke killed him. Look, I know that I sound crazy. I know that. But Dick needs my help. And I really need yours. Please." Rachel’s voice is pleading, almost breaking as she asks for help.
You put your hand on your hip because this is ridiculous. Rachel's demeanor might have changed and it's obvious she is honestly worried about Dick. You understand dreaming about someone and seeing them die. It is terrifying and Rachel's dreams sometimes mean something. But at the end of the day, Dick got all of you into this mess in the first place. That's still fact. Gar being in danger is still fact. You don't know about Dick, not for certain. And it seems Dawn and Donna are on the page.
"I'm sorry, Rachel." Donna says. "But Gar needs us more." Donna finishes before she walks back to the car and gets in, you follow right behind and get into the passenger seat. "Do you feel better?" Donna looks to you, sarcasm in her words and clearly annoyed by the whole argument.
"So, much, I didn't realize how much I had been holding in. I feel so much better now. Gar is right, talking about things helps."
"I don't think what you did there was talking but sure." Donna shakes her head and sees Dawn coming to the car. "Alright, backseat." Donna looks to you and you don’t protest. You do as told and climb into the backseat while Dawn opens the passenger door.
You buckle your seatbelt while Donna puts the car in drive and takes off. You lean forward between the women.
"Well, I would like to apologize for my ranting and airing out some of my dirty laundry, that was weird of me. Uh, yeah, so sorry for that." You nod at the two of them, offering an awkward, closed-mouth smile.
Donna can't help but let out a soft laugh and Dawn gains a smile.
"Just don't punch Rachel again, okay?" Donna asks.
"I will try very hard not to." You let out a sigh. "So, uh, what's the plan?"
"We're going back to San Francisco. And we're gonna get Gar back. We can look at the footage and run facial recognition. One of them has to be able to give us information." Donna explains.
"Sick." You nod, you’re just relieved you're actually going to be doing something to save Gar now.
You lean back in your seat, the adrenaline dump from your argument with Rachel starts to hit and the tranquilizer has some lasting effects. The exhaustion starts to hit you, slowly and then all at once. But you feel safe in the car with Donna and Dawn. It's getting late now so you decide to just rest your eyes, just until you get back to the city.
When you wake up, you're back at the tower. You don't have anywhere else to stay so the three of you make your way through the elevator. You didn't clean anything up before you left so there's still blood and glass across the floor. You were feeling a lot better after yelling at Rachel and having Donna and Dawn on your side. But that feeling fades as you look around the tower. It feels emptier now than it did that day everyone left. You don't like it. But you excuse yourself to your room and try to get some rest until the morning.
Sleep did not come easy. And when it did come, it was broken up between different nightmares. There was a nightmare about you being dropped from the skyscraper, one version Dick dropped you and in another Jason dropped you. Another nightmare was Gar being killed by CADMUS in front of you. Another was Jason killed by Deathstroke and the last one that finally convinced you to not sleep anymore, was both boys being killed. By Deathstroke. That was enough for you.
It worked out timing-wise because Dawn and Donna were both awake, and the tower had been cleaned up. That's when Donna fills you in on the plan. Donna found a guy with facial recognition and they're gonna go to him. You’re told to stay in the car because he might recognize you and they're guessing CADMUS only left you because they thought you were dead or would be. You aren't a big fan of the idea but you also get it. If he recognizes you, he'll know what's up and it could end worse for all of you and Gar so you go along with the plan. You grab a quick breakfast before the three of you make your way to the man's house.
Once at the man's house, Dawn turns around in her seat, looking at you. "Okay, what's the plan, Y/n?" Her voice isn't exactly asking but more looking for verification that you aren't going rogue.
"I promise I will not leave the car." You promise them.
"Good, now stay here." Donna has a stern voice as the two older women get out of the car.
You let out a sigh and slide back in your seat, unbuckling your seatbelt. You take out your phone and go to your messages with Jason. You still haven't heard from him. So, you try again. You have nothing else to do while you wait for the women to do their thing and you’re actually getting really worried. There has to be something going on. Even if Jason is just trying to enjoy his new relationship with Rose, he would call or text given the entire CADMUS situation.
The line trills and you chew on the inside of your cheek. You think he won't answer. He hasn't in a few days anyway but you wait patiently, almost holding your breath. And then he picks up.
"What!?" Jason yells.
"Uh.....hello to you, too?" You question.
"What the fuck do you want?"
Ouch. You pause and it hurts with him yelling at you. You didn't do anything. Does he suddenly not care about Gar? About you? What is with everyone?
"Dude, what's going on?" You ask hiding the hurt in your voice.
"Nothing, what?" Jason huffs.
"You sound upset? What's going on, Jay?"
"Why the fuck did you call?"
This is not a good time. Jason is on his way to leave, to go somewhere else that's not here. Things, in his opinion, were going pretty well with Rose. He was making a solid effort and letting her in. They were doing some drug busts and it was fun. It allowed him to escape from the tower and all of that bullshit the other Titans put him through. But, he's just had a blow-up with Rose because as it turns out, she's been lying to him the whole time. He let another fucking person in and all she did was lie and use him. This is not a good fucking time for him.
"I've been trying to reach you for like three days." You drop asking him what's wrong, he's clearly not going to tell you.
"Bullshit, I haven't gotten a fucking call from you at all."
"I literally called you yesterday, hold on." You take the phone from your head and screenshot your call log, sending the screenshot to Jason and then taking a screenshot of the texts, sending them to him. "I just sent screenshots."
Jason takes the phone from his head and looks at the messages. There he can see that you have not only called him about a hundred times but you’ve also texted him at least, an entire page full of messages. He reads them over, seeing none of them in his actual message thread with you. A lot of them are question marks or begging him to call you back.
"What the fuck?" Jason yells into the phone.
"I told you." You state. "What? You didn't get any of them?" You furrow your brows and you knew something weird was going on. Jason wouldn't abandon you and Gar.
"Fucking Rose probably deleting them." Jason lets out a scoff ad he's not even sure if he's more mad at himself for trusting Rose or at Rose for lying to him.
"Ah," You nod your head. "She had your phone?"
"I wasn't with it the whole fucking time. She wanted us to spend time alone, without our fucking phones. Know why now, huh?" Jason's voice breaks and he's just so fucking mad. This is why he doesn't trust anyone, it's why he doesn't show anyone those parts of him. They use him and exploit him. They take and take and take but never give. It fucking hurts. And you’re unusually silent on the other end. "What?" Jason sounds completely exasperated.
You hesitate, almost debating on telling him but that wouldn't be fair. "Did you get our texts about her? Mine and Gar's?"
"Nope."
"Shit, I'm sorry, Jay. She working—"
"With her fucking dad? Yeah, she just fucking told me. She was using me and lying to me this whole fucking time!" Jason sniffles and you swear a part of your heart just broke for him. Why would anyone do that to him? He doesn't deserve it. That explains why he's so mad.
"I'm really sorry, Jay," Your voice is quiet. "We didn't know she had your phone." You pull the phone away and switch it to FaceTime. You figure maybe if you see each other face to face, it'll help calm him down. You can give him a smirk and a grin, he'll play along. Maybe it'll help. It would help you.
Jason goes along with it, seeing you in a car, a nasty bruise decorates your right cheekbone, the bottom of your eye socket a lighter shaded bruise. His heart plummets with the sight of you. He feels more anger start to flood his blood. He's going to find whoever hurt you. What the fuck did he miss?
"Not your fault." Jason lets out a huff and immediately drops it. He doesn't want to talk about it anyway. "What the fuck happened to you?" The worry creeps into his voice as he asks.
You see Jason's nostrils flare and a part of you definitely forgot the bruise. You shake your head. "Uh...right, um," Your brows furrow as you look down and Jason knows you do that whenever you don't want to tell him something. He's picked up on it. "CADMUS came and broke into tower. They took Gar, Conner and Krypto." You look back to the camera, letting out a breath.
Jason shakes his head, closing his eyes for a second and for just a fraction of a second, he feels relief because they didn't take you. He can’t imagine you getting taken three fucking times. That’s insane but you’re hurt anyway and now they have his best friend.
"What the fuck does that mean? They took them?"
"Uh-huh." You nods. "I was spamming the fuck out of you. They broke in, guns. Um...one of em, uh, ya know. I lost." You let out a scoff as the guilt floods your system again. "Donna and Dawn are trying to get answers from a guy now."
"What the fuck." Jason lets out a quiet sigh.
Rose had the idea yesterday to shut their phones for the day, and not be bothered by any outside bullshit. Jason went along with it, he kind of thought you and Gar weren't talking to him, he hadn't heard from you. Maybe you were having fun alone or something. But, apparently, it was all Rose and he feels so stupid for all of it. For not seeing through it.
"Are you okay?" Jason’s eyes scan across her face and he wishes he were there.
"Dunno." You chew the inside of your cheek, your brows knitted together. "I tried so fucking hard but it wasn't fucking good enough, ya know? They just kept fucking coming, Jay. There were too many and I ran out of kitchen knives. They shot me with a tranquilizer and left me for dead. But, they...but they took Gar. He shifted into a tiger and maybe that's why. I didn't use my powers. I wasn't useful, maybe. I don't know but it fucking sucks. I couldn't--" You cut yourself off, feeling the lump grow in your throat. "I couldn't save him. It wasn't fucking enough and I wasn't fucking good enough." Your voice breaks.
Jason wants to personally hunt down every man from CADMUS that attacked the tower. For taking Gar and for hurting you and making you feel this way. That’s his best friend they took and it’s bullshit. And you fight like hell, he knows for a fact you tried your absolute hardest but it’s CADMUS. He doesn’t need to have been there to know whatever you did was enough.
"Hey," Jason calls. "Don't do that shit, alright? It's not your fault. I wasn't there but I know you fought like hell because you did for me. That's fucking enough." Jason pauses and you nods softly. "I'm fucking serious. You grabbed the kitchen knives?" Jason chuckles. "Smart, guessing you fought until the tranquilizer kicked in?"
"Still tried after." You let out a soft laugh. "My arms and legs just wouldn't move."
Jason lets out a soft laugh. "Exactly so it's not your fault." Jason’s face softens slightly and it does make her feel better.
Seeing Jason face-to-face is helping in general. His hair is messier than usual and his eyes are red, but there’s something comfortable about seeing him that you haven’t felt since he left. He knows exactly what to say and he laughs about the kitchen knives. No one else would but it makes you feel better. Not fully, but enough. And you do really miss him.
"Thanks." Your smile falls and you clear your throat. "You okay?"
Jason shrugs and starts pacing. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"It's okay if you're not. She fucking sucks for lying to you."
"Yeah, no shit." Jason offers a half-scoff half-laugh.
"I'll beat her up if you want." You offer Jason a smirk to try and cheer him up.
It seems to work because Jason gives you a laugh and a smile. "Yeah? Think you stand a chance of all sudden?"
"I punched Rachel, I could take Rose, now."
"You punched Rachel?" Jason lets out a booming laugh and he can't believe it. He would have loved to have seen it. "Why?"
You shrug. "She made me mad and I was exhausted. I just couldn't fucking do it anymore." Your eyes widen, as if to be mocking the situation.
Jason has a grin and he does feel a little better. "She attack you?"
"No," You shake your head. "She just yelled at me. Kory and Dawn held her back while Donna held me back. It was all very dramatic, you would have loved it." You give him a teasing smirk. "But, hey, we need you, Jay. Gar needs you. We can't do this alone."
Jason's smile falls and it still hurts, the way the Titans attacked him for shit he didn't do. It's still an open wound and he's not sure it'll ever heal. They don't want him and he's tired of being in places he's not wanted.
"Look, they don't want me."
"Donna texted you last night." You state.
"Fucking seriously." Jason groans and he's so mad at himself for not seeing through Rose, for not knowing it was weird not to have heard from you and Gar, for not being the one to text either of you. Phones work two ways. Jason just thought you were kind of done talking to him, living it up as a couple or whatever. You weren't interested in him anymore since you and Gar had each other. He should have sent at least one more text when he didn't get a reply from either of you.
"Uh-huh. She said she would try and I guess Rose deleted that, too."
"What the fuck, man?"
"So, uh, you gonna come?" You ask hesitantly and Jason sees the worry across your face.
"Gar's my best friend but I don't—"
"Jay, he needs you, please." You plead with him and you pause for just a second. "I need you." Your voice goes quiet and you do. This whole thing would have been a little easier if he were around, even just to talk to.
Jason lets out a sigh. He can't say no to you even if he feels unwanted around the other Titans. You look desperate and you’re always there for him. You’re the one person who doesn't give up on him and he knows he can't let you do it alone.
"Alright, fine." Jason nods his head. "I'll help get Gar back and then I'm gone."
"Deal." You smile sadly at him. You know it'll be temporary but at least he'll come back to help. You all definitely need him.
Jason shakes his head. "Hey, seriously, you gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, uh....just...traumatized." You let out s scoff. "Shocker, huh?"
"Hey, look, fuck those assholes, we'll show them who they're fucking with."
"Thanks, Jay," You offer him a soft smile. "I don't know. Feel a whole lot better once we sort it out."
"I'll find a way, I swear. Text me where you need me and I'll be there. I'm not fucking staying but I won't let you do this alone."
"I knew I could count on you."
"Always, babe." Jason gives you his cheeky grin.
You almost hate to admit it, but you kind of miss him calling you that, too. You have to laugh, looking away from the camera.
“Shithead.” You mutter and Jason chuckles on the other end. He misses hearing you call him that. With anyone else, he’d be annoyed but not with you. "I'm still sorry about Rose." You look back to the camera, smile erased with a look of empathy.
"Eh, you were right." Jason shrugs a shoulder.
It hurts. Jason hasn't been in many relationships. With living on the streets and his home situation, it was never something he ever had time or energy for. He's had heartbreak, sure, but this one is different. He was in a stable enough place for something and it ended like this. Broken trust and more betrayal. It just really hurts a lot more than Jason really wants to admit to anyone. It feels a little embarrassing even.
"I wish I wasn’t though. That's not fair to you and you deserve someone who's not gonna treat you like shit and lie to you. You deserve better always."
He’ll never understand why you are the way you are with him. But, he’s thankful for you.
"Thanks."
You look to the window, seeing the women coming back. "Hey, they're coming back, I'll text you and call you okay? Just, uh, see if you can pull a string with Bruce and get on a flight."
"Who says I'm in Gotham?" Jason looks around him and he doesn't know how you know that but he can't say he's surprised. Of course, you would know where he went.
"It's home." You chortle. "Where else would you go?"
"Yeah, alright, fuck you."
"Mmm," You hum and decide you'll leave him with your game of chicken. "Maybe I'll get you lucky one day." You smirk at him and Jason shakes his head, eyes closing for a second before the looks back to the screen. The comment throws him off because shouldn’t you be...with Gar? You let out a laugh and seeing him confused and flustered never gets old. "Alright, get a fucking flight, Jason."
"Alright, don't do anything stupid until I get there." Jason nods at you, his cheeks a tint of pink.
"Course not, I only do stupid shit when I'm with you." You give him a wide smile. "See you in a bit, Jay." You hang up just as the women enter the car.
"Okay, we need backup." Donna starts. "No Rachel, no Kory. Nothing from Jason or Rose either."
"Jason's coming." You scoot closer to the women, the both looking back at you. "It's a long story, he wasn't getting our messages. I just got through though, he said he'll come to help Gar. I just gotta text him what we know."
"Okay, good, this is good." Donna says.
"Nice work." Dawn gives Sam a kind smile.
"I am very annoyingly persistent." You scrunch your nose.
"Let's get a plan together then." Donna smiles at the two of you before putting the car in drive and driving off.
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#gar logan#jason todd#gar logan x reader#garfield logan x reader#jason todd x reader#gar logan fanfic#gar logan fanfiction#jason todd fanfic#jason todd fanfiction#titans#titans fanfic#titans fanfiction#caving in
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I posted 1,451 times in 2022
96 posts created (7%)
1,355 posts reblogged (93%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@sitp-recs
@ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm
@hdsudsfest
@the-starryknight
And myself lol because why not
I tagged 1,437 of my posts in 2022
Only 1% of my posts had no tags
#i queue - 556 posts
#drarry - 381 posts
#drarry fic rec - 245 posts
#drarry rec list - 129 posts
#drarry art - 120 posts
#to read - 119 posts
#amazing art - 115 posts
#drarry fic - 104 posts
#drarry squad - 84 posts
#wip snip - 79 posts
Longest Tag: 120 characters
#first in a long line of morally ambiguous antiheroes who have to overcome their own cowardice to prove their moral worth
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Howl
M ~ 8.9K ~ Werewolf Drarry
After an encounter with a vicious werewolf, Draco Malfoy wakes in a field hospital with a mangled shoulder, a furry little problem, and an inconvenient crush on Harry Potter. Potter, meanwhile, is still trying to save the world, only this time he wants Draco right there with him while he does it. Taking part in a rebellion against a corrupt regime isn't always glamorous, but at least sometimes there are organic farmshop pastries and fancy hotel bedsheets. Just don't ask about that smell of burning.
A gift for @cluelesspigeons as part of the @drarrymicrofic Wheel of Drarry exchange.
Celina, your gorgeous microfics always have such a sense of tenderness and longing. I wanted to bring some of that softness to this fic, which also includes some of your Drarry likes (werewolf Drarry, long-haired Draco, tattooed Draco - plus some long hair and tattoos for Harry too, because he deserves nice things). Thank you for all you contribute to this fandom, in the form of your lovely words and your fabulous modding skills.
@maesterchill and @sweet-s0rr0w i am so lucky to have both of your brilliant minds at my disposal and will never stop being grateful for that.
Mourning Moon
Draco woke up on a Friday morning in a field hospital in Grasmere, without a single memory of how he had got there. The last thing he remembered was being in London, not two streets away from his tiny bedsit, getting a very late takeaway dinner in the only burger joint still open at that time of the night. He was sheltering from the rain and unwrapping his bean burger—no tomatoes, extra gherkins—and had felt rather than seen something moving in the darker shadows beyond the mouth of the alleyway.
And that was all there was, nothing but a horrifying blank spot in his memory before waking up here on a rickety stretcher, feeling like he had been turned inside out. His shoulder was hurting badly, the pain maybe even worse than when he took the Mark, and he could tell from the thickness of the bandages that whatever had happened to him, it was bad. He could smell the protective webbing of healing charms packed around the wound, and could feel the dittany busily knitting away at the flesh.
“Another one?”
The Healer—who for all Draco knew wasn’t even a real Healer, just someone with an O in Potions who was handy with an Episkey—wasn’t even looking at his face as she spoke, just scribbling busily on a chart and then running a cold, assessing hand over Draco’s sternum. She raised her wand to his skin.
“Another what?” Draco asked rudely, just to make the Healer look at him properly.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” Her voice was cool, the spark of her magic at his shoulder something like relief and something like an invasion. Behind Draco, there was a small shifting sound, a rustle of air and greenery and the warmth of something too familiar. The back of his neck prickled, but the Healer held him firmly in place.
Draco could smell the woman’s cold antiseptic scent and below that the sourness of too much coffee and the ripe smell of her body after what must have been a long shift. He could smell the ink on the quill nib, the same metallic salt to the smell as blood, and he knew then what must have happened, his heart kicking faster, the steep jump on the monitoring spell making the Healer frown. Draco allowed himself to stretch his arms, feeling the way his bones tightened under the skin, wrist bones locking for a second, making him think of lengthening strides, the wild rush of the chase, the thrill of a body made exactly fit for purpose. It was really quite unlike himself, Draco thought, looking down at his own bare torso, pale as a grub, his fingers scarred and splintered from chisels and raw wood, his Mark still there, like it always would be, inescapable.
“What happened to me?” Draco asked, needing to hear it.
“Werewolf. Bad bite,” came a voice—his voice—and Draco’s flesh pebbled into gooseflesh as though in a fresh breeze. “You’re lucky we were already onto him. If we hadn’t arrived when we did...”
“Quite right.” The Healer sounded disapproving. “You were lucky tonight, Mr Malfoy. That bite was designed to do some serious damage. Any deeper and you wouldn’t be here to tell the tale.” Her quill scraped against the chart again before coming to a decisive stop as she plucked it out of the air and shoved it into her pocket. “It’s almost as though it was… personal. We won't know for certain until the next full moon, but given the severity of the bite I think I should prescribe wolfbane. I'll check the dispensary.”
She was gone from the tent before Draco could reply, before the shame crept in a flush of heat from his chest up, before he could tell her he knew it was personal, before he could ask if there was anything that could be done for him. There wasn’t; he already knew the bite had taken, the wolf was in his blood. He could feel it as surely as though the fangs were still clamped down on him.
“It’s always personal with Greyback,” Potter said, moving around the stretcher so Draco could see him. Draco felt very suddenly like lying back down and having a messy cry. “If that’s any consolation.” He reached out a hand and patted Draco’s good arm.
It was almost too much, a sensory overload, Draco’s mouth suddenly wet and getting wetter, a prickle of sweat over his top lip, a greying fuzz across his vision before he blinked the colour back into the room.
“You alright?” Potter, at his shoulder, the scent of him already unmistakable.
“I’m—” Draco began, and then stopped before it turned into a growl at the sudden shift in the air, like a turning breeze. Not a threat, exactly, but something equally new and unsettling, the dangerous rolling whiff, the urge to take or be taken. He raised his head, inhaled. “Oh. You. You’re one too?”
Read the rest of Howl on AO3
144 notes - Posted October 18, 2022
#4
Take the Moon
Drarry ~ M ~ 15k
Harry Potter has always wanted a family of his own, and when a deadly blood curse forces him into a marriage bond with his best friend Draco Malfoy, it looks like he might just have found one.
Living with Draco (biscuit-lover, no work/life balance, good hair) and his son Scorpius (also biscuit-lover, colour-codes his bricks, proud bearer of plastic swan-shaped garden ornament) gives Harry the routine and companionship he’s always craved. There’s also the matter of the really great sex (because what’s a marriage of convenience without a little fun, after all?)
It's just a shame they’d always planned to break up after a year…
This is my take on a break-up-to-make-up fic, with a little sprinkle of forced marriage, and a look at the realities of being a parent thrown into the mix. Oh, and Harry just happens to be a werewolf who likes how Draco smells. It's not the story of the marriage, but of the before and the after, and in it i wanted to talk about the ways in which people work hard to love each other as best as they can.
Huge thanks to the mods of @hd-wireless for their sterling work on the fest, and to my lovely friends who keep me going. Special thanks to @sweet-s0rr0w for the cheer-reading, summary-wrangling, and patiently listening to me moaning about whether I'd be done on time or not, to @makeitp1nk who read an early draft when i was panicking, sharpened it up brilliantly, and got me over my slump. And to @maesterchill for the beta and the support - as always you are a ledgebag and I am so lucky to have you.
Read Take the Moon on AO3
[Image ID: tumblr banner with a picture of a Sainsbury’s supermarket exterior at night, a row of shopping trolleys in front. Beside that there is a graphic with a misty moon shape and the title Take the Moon in red letters. Image credit to Liviu Florescu on Unsplash.]
151 notes - Posted August 15, 2022
#3
Six Sentence Sunday
Harry has been fighting the war against Voldemort for seven years. Here, he gets a little downtime with his favourite godchild. Unbetaed.
Rosie was singing, a tuneless joyful sound, hands sticky around her half-eaten apple, cheeks still hot from her nap.
“Come on, darling,” Harry said. “Give me those toes.”
Rosie lay back and kicked her legs into the air, her fat bare feet scrabbling against Harry’s hands. She laughed unrepentantly then let Harry cup both her heels in one hand while he reached for her discarded socks with the other. Her skin felt so smooth, so warm and silky, with a strangely animal, muscular heft to the flexing plump feet.
“That child can’t keep her socks on to save her life,” Molly said from the kitchenette. “I’ll have to spell them stuck if she keeps this up.”
Harry frowned down at Rosie’s little face, then stuck his bottom lip out and drew his eyebrows cartoonishly low, just to hear her make that delicate little wheeze of in-breath that always came before a laugh.
“I don’t think she’d like that,” he called back to Molly, then lowered his voice just for Rosie. “Would you, sweetheart? You wouldn’t like to have your socks spelled on, would you Rosie-Posie? Because if you did—” He paused theatrically, and Rosie, ever-indulgent and with the patient expectancy that came with familiarity, wriggled with anticipatory glee “—then how could I… eat your toes?”
There was a lot of screaming and kicking and tickling and rather a din of monster noises, and Harry definitely got a foot in the face more than once as he pretended to gobble up Rosie’s toes while simultaneously wrestling her socks back on, but by the time things subsided she clambered up, both feet festooned in purple stripes, and settled herself in Harry’s lap contentedly to finish her apple.
Harry kissed her curls, and they sat quietly, Rosie crunching. She was a very restful person to be around, Harry always thought. Her needs seemed very simple, her pleasure at having them met a pure and joyful thing. Harry didn’t remember being that small, but it seemed fairly clear that the Dursleys would have had to really go out of their way to make him miserable. It was so easy to please a two-year-old; more than anything else, the idea that the Dursleys could not be kind to someone so full of potential and so very small—the thought of them treating Rose the way they had Harry—made him realise how truly awful they were.
“She has you wrapped around her little finger,” Molly sighed, and set a cup of tea on the table next to Harry, tucked far enough in that Rose couldn’t reach it. Molly sat down in the armchair with her own cup.
“I don’t mind,” Harry said into Rosie’s hair, which always smelled the same—a hint of a sweet artificial fruity scent, undercut with something earthy and warmly fragrant, like a puppy’s stomach or the earth under damp leaves. “I like it when she’s happy.”
Tagging anyone who wants to join in! Please tag me, I am weeks behind on Tumblr but I love reading them and will love reading them again to reblog when I finally catch up!
153 notes - Posted April 3, 2022
#2
Could We Maybe
Started this microfic ages ago but never finished it so I think it works for the @drarrymicrofic prompt Abrupt. This is inspired by the incomparable @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm and his red strings of fate - and some day I will finish this. Joy, I would love to write something as beautiful as you deserve but such a thing would be impossible for mortal hands to craft.
Harry and Draco find themselves connected by the red string of fate, but Draco can't quite believe that he deserves it. This is the opener (and as far as I had got with it tbh). CW for brief sexual content, soft M maybe?
It happens after the first time they fuck, which isn’t fair, because Draco doesn’t even have time to enjoy the aftermath (bedlinen dense with the heat of their joined bodies, the delicious scrape of Potter’s incisors over Draco’s slowing pulse, Potter so reluctant to separate them that he slackens inside Draco—such desperate intimacy) before Potter says, oh, and Draco feels the tug at his little finger as Potter lifts his own hand, wonderingly.
“I can’t believe this,” Potter says, and Draco feels the same disbelief right down in his bones, the why me from when Potter first kissed him magnified into something bigger, colder, inescapable.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Draco says dully, and Potter laughs, kisses him carefully, knots their fingers together with the red string tangled and snarled between them.
252 notes - Posted February 9, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Far Side
For the @drarrymicrofic prompt Euphoria. Werewolf Harry, Dad Draco, kidfic. CW for brief mention of a newborn, barely-there sex. Umm I do not know, my idea was that Harry and Draco meet up for the first time in years and Harry gets a sort of wolfy impulse about Draco being his mate, it's all very implied lmao
Harry has a photo on his desk; he says it’s his favourite.
Draco with Scorpius, newly born, just a few minutes old. In the corner, out of focus, there’s the tired edge of Astoria in her hospital bed, but the camera lingers on Draco and the baby, close quarters to the impossible newness of it all. Draco can’t even remember who was holding the camera.
Draco comes by the office to take Harry for lunch, sees the photo in its pale wood frame. He’s mildly horrified; the frame is set at an angle on the desk so anyone can see it. Draco turns it inwards towards Harry’s chair, but Harry’s quicker, hands gentle around the frame, setting it carefully back where it was. It’s a proclamation Draco’s not sure he was expecting.
The moon is waxing gibbous, and Harry is restless, pacing, the strung-bow quiver of a pounce behind his every movement, and he stills only when Draco touches him, face turning up for a kiss as though it was all he had been waiting for.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Harry says, and that’s when he says it. My favourite, he says, a big expression for something that wasn’t even his back then. “Why don’t you like it?”
“I like it,” Draco says, but he doesn’t, really. “But I was so worried. He was so small, and Astoria...”
“Look at your face, though,” Harry says, and they both watch the photo in silence. In it, Draco’s head dips and raises in a constant, wondering loop, face brightening when he peers into the swaddled bundle as though he’s holding magic itself, a new sun. His unbearably young self untucks the blanket and Scorpius emerges, still wet and crumpled-looking, the small starfish clutch of his hand reaching out, his opening mouth a silent squall.
“I wish I had been there,” Harry says gently, and Draco wishes he could have—somehow, impossibly—been there too.
Instead, Draco had done it by himself, for years—minding the baby, getting Astoria back on her feet, and when the inheritance issue was settled, helping her move to her apartment in France where Scorpius now spends most of the summers and comes back to England each September with new freckles and his hair bleached to sand-silver.
And then, amazingly, one night—feeling out of place at a work party he had tried to get out of attending, holding a glass of wine warmed through by his nervous hand—Draco had met Harry Potter for the first time since Hogwarts and everything that had been for them. Harry, who was at Draco’s side within about three minutes of arriving at the party; Harry, who told him he looked exactly the same, gaze lingering on Draco’s mouth; Harry, who didn’t look the same—streaks of silver coiling through his curls, smile lines sketched around his eyes—but older and bigger and all the better for it.
Draco had heard about the incident in Ireland, of course, had known about the bite. Knowing wasn’t knowing, though; it didn’t encompass the feeling of Harry’s shaky inhale when Draco shifted nearer, the barest promise of incisor in his smile, the press of fabric around the bulge of bicep when Harry pushed his sleeves up, impatient with heat and maybe something more.
In front of everyone at the party, Draco put his drink down and let Harry press his face into Draco’s neck, his panting breath at Draco’s frantic pulsepoint. They fucked in the toilets in the Ministry basement, Harry barely getting his trousers unbuttoned, Draco with his formal robes still hanging off his shoulders, his fingers tracing the puckered scar tissue at Harry’s shoulder.
“We need to talk about it,” Harry said after, though it was obvious to both of them that, while Harry was the one who had been bitten, mate ran both ways between them. But Draco had to go, already late for the babysitter, and Harry’s eyes were bright with some sort of tenderness when Draco explained, stealing yet another kiss.
It took months before Draco introduced Harry to Scorpius, but of course he needn’t have worried.
“It’s a pack thing,” Harry said from under the dense sleeping shape of Scorpius, both of them curled around each other on the couch. “He smells right. He seems to like me too, right?”
“What would you have done if he didn’t?” Draco asked. He didn’t have to tell Harry what would happen if it had come down to a choice between them.
Harry growled softly, amused, and Scorpius shifted in his sleep, one slack pink cheek visible under the possessive curl of Harry’s arm.
“I’m not just the wolf, you know,” Harry said. “You know I would never—”
“No, I know,” Draco told him. “I like to think this whole thing is still our choice.” He waved a hand, encompassing the couch, the sleeping child, two cups of tea standing cool on the side table, and at the window, a sly wink of moon.
599 notes - Posted January 11, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#i was feeling grim about my writing this year#felt like i have achieved so little#but am giving myself a little mental shake#because that's just brain weasels talking#i posted four fics i like this year#i was published professionally for the first time#made my first bit of money from writing#had two lit agents approach me and am putting a proposal together for them#and i wrote over 100k of another fic that should be ready early next year#not too shabby for someone who never imagined they could write#i wish you all happiness#i love this bar and everyone in it
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About me
Hey I’m Isabella, Izzy (Kozycompanion)
Welcome, I’m really happy that you're here wanting to get to know me! I would love to get to know you back!<3
I wanted to share a bit about myself, what I do, and why I'm on the internet.
(If you would like to read it as a google doc it's here)
I’m a single 23 year old female, living in Canada with my 2 cats and one roommate… lol don’t get any ideas, we are just two friends sharing the cost of living.
I love it here, but I would like to eventually move or at least travel more. I’ve traveled outside of Canada only a few times, and I crave to see the world more! One of my fears is that I’ll barely get to see it and all it has to offer!
Even though I’m pretty outgoing and love to be active I live a pretty simple life and have a close knit group of friends and family, which I hope to keep expanding.
I work full-time as a Caregiver, offering in-home care. It’s something I plan to do for a while, since I actually really like my job and the people I work for. I also love getting to know new people, which my job is great for since I care for a wide range of individuals.
I like to listen to music when work days are slow, on off days I'll probably be listening to music 24/7, even while doing other hobbies. I also like gaming, writing, graphic design, and yoga. Of course I'll never turn down a hangout, or travel somewhere if I’m able too.
I know this wasn't much, but I hope you feel closer to me already! <3**
I will continue to be updating my socials, so you’ll come to learn a lot more about me if you stick around:)
Below, I go a bit into why I'm on the internet and what Kozycompanion is.**
I’m quite proud of what I've put into Kozycompanion, so I hope you continue to read<3
I created Kozycompanion for several reasons, and I do go more in depth of what I provide in another post. Below I list the main things that went into creating Kozycompanion.
Firstly I love being a caregiver, and wanted to offer care elsewhere, but in a different way ;)
I know that I want to be a caregiver for as long as I can, but it’s something that I also know won't sustain me forever. I want to be my own boss, and I want to have something I can do no matter where I am, especially if I can start traveling more.
Secondly I really like talking to people. I really enjoy pretty much talking about anything, or hearing people talk about anything. I'm a pretty open and sexual person, so nsfw chats I definitely don't shy away from! Honestly sometimes I'll just go to the mall or anywhere just to sit and listen in on people… I hear some pretty sexy things sometimes and that turns me on!
Last but not least
I love being explicit with other people online! Anything from chatting, flirting to phone sex, with strangers is a huge turn on for me…
So with that I created Kozycompanion my GFE (girlfriend experience) for anyone
What I offer on Fansly is a very personal experience.
My page is a text/audio journal/blog style feed, where I update/post consistently about my daily doings, sexual fantasies, and sexual experiences.
My visual anonymity is on purpose. Though you may not see me, you'll know every inch of me
You can imagine me however you like, your perfect companion.
But seriously that's what Kozycompanion is for. It's up to you if you want a friend, girlfriend, listening ear, or someone to get off with ;) Once you feel comfortable we can text/sext/call each other, or even play games on steam together!
You can choose to have a profile with me, so that our time together is as smooth as possible. I also made it super easy to interact with me, including booking with me. Your profile would have info like: tailored messaging style, pet names, interests, kinks/fetishes, your personal companion created by you.
If you don’t have any specifics in mind or just want to chat genuinely, then you'll get me, Izzy your favorite companion<3
I’m here for you, to talk to , listen to, do whatever you say or just have a casual long distance hangout
Thank you :) so much for reading, I hope this answered some of your questions you may have had and if not, at least you got to know me a bit more. Please feel free to ask me any questions, or read some of my other posts on my page. I recommend checking out my Guidelines post where I give in depth details of everything I offer.
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I follow Alex Kahn on instagram (she’s Saoirse’s friend and I think she works with her too but I’m not sure what she does) and the past couple of days she’s been posting dumps from every month of the year. I came to say 2 things:
1. I saw that she attended the same Bruce Springsteen concert as Jack, I wondered if Saoirse had attended when Jack posted about it because I don’t think we know of them attending any concert together before. She always attends festivals and concerts with her friends. Apparently Beyoncé is a girls night and Bruce Springsteen is a double date night for her
2. She’s apparently pregnant which got me thinking about when Saoirse might want to have kids and I could see that happening soonish. They will probably get married next year, I don’t think people who’ve dated this long before getting engaged have long engagements. And then I could see her waiting like a year after getting married to start trying.
I could be completely wrong but I was expecting an engagement this year and I had been paying attention to her hands when looking at the pictures from Japan, and they got engaged shortly after that trip. Sure, they’ve been dating for years and have gotten increasingly more serious these past couple of years so it wasn’t a wild guess, but they got engaged like a month after I started paying attention so I wasn’t that far off.
Last thing I want to say because I think it relates to all of this and it’s a point you brought up yesterday. I’ve noticed that I like investigating things, it can be the most random things but I like looking things up and theorizing over just about anything. I think that’s why I enjoy this blog. But I do have other hobbies (like baking and knitting and films and books) and I usually come here when I am really bored and not in the mood to do anything or when I am checking another social media and I think of something I want to share here. For example, I was on instagram yesterday and saw that post about Bruce Springsteen’s concert and I remembered Jack’s post and went to check to see if it was the same one. Now I was on instagram again and saw the post where she mentioned being pregnant and it made me think of when Saoirse might choose to do that, but after this message I’m just going to go on with my day.
I think me not caring at all about Joe and Taylor breaking up proved to me that I’m more interested in the theorizing and “detective work” than I am in the actual relationship. Which is very weird in it’s own way, let’s be real, but I don’t think it’s *unhealthy*. Like I obviously think Jack and Saoirse are cute together and wish them the best, but I wouldn’t be personally affected if they broke up, which was the case with a lot of people when Joe and Taylor broke up
I think that’s a very healthy way of looking at it. I also like detective work lol sometimes - I don’t have much time at the moment but I don’t judge it at all - and I think cute couples are yk cute but unless I’m in the relationship I can’t say I gaf how it turns out lol because I have my own problems 😂👌🏼
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Woah there's so much exciting stuff going on around in here lately 😳 Vampire ask game, WEREWOLF ASK GAME AND UPCOMING BH WOLF NSFW PIECE (this was a Big Deal for me because I forgot how thirsty I am for werewolves), halloween vampire bh smut, talks of a derision continuation, something about knitting (the snippet you posted to an anon was so cute too my heart was thumping. Made me want to learn knitting heh), the demon snippet, the sea monster bh smut idea you talked a little about, lucky one vibe fic... Every time I log on and check your blog I drown in feels... Needless to say I am happy af and excited for the future in here! It's a good time to be a bh lover!
I lowkey panicked realizing how many things I have planned/promised ASDOFIAHSDFOIAASFIOA All the ones you've listed may take months for me to dig through and finalize, so I unfortunately cannot promise that all of them will happen, but they will certainly be worked on, so please be patient! (saying this one to myself too- writer, be patient! ffs I wish I had them all ready already! Why is there always the writing to do; such a waste of time when all the plots are already in my head, dammit!)
ANYWAY. I absolutely love writing and I'm especially excited about writing for Baekhyun. I've been trying to put some variety into my writing and pay some attention to other members as well, but truth be told, 95% of the ideas I get are just automatically about Baekhyun LOL
But overall, it's also just so so so rewarding to get messages like yours, and also like, you pointing out all these things makes me go like "someone actually remembers my writing footprint?? someone actually thinks about the things I do???????? WOAH" and you don't imagine how happy it made me 🥺 I feel so spoiled now, thank you 🥺
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Was just sketching something as warm-up, and in the end actually liked the expression, so I cropped my sketch and made myself an avatar.
Not the usual size therefore, but meh who cares. Also a bit more stylized. Just a little fun thing for me.
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Also otherwise, progress is being made, plenty of stuff I usually do in the day, if! I don't have anything else I need to do.
https://featherlinneaprogress.tumblr.com/
Password to the blog to view it is:
Cn#3xX?1n
Admittingly didn't get to much done this week, but still nothing to scoff at.
Progress blog is to document what I do in the day regarding work/studies.
Mornings usually are in order: Knitting, Writing, Sewing, Drawing, with a bit of stretched meaning.
Progress on JoaW pages is also documented there. As well as everything else lol.
Some days are more productive, others are down in the slump.
It does not document stuff of my private life, like when I help out family, but go figure that those are days I am less productive at.
I also write down only the bare minimun, not in-depth details, truly only what I did, not why.
My mornings have a set pattern that I enjoy following, it does not overwhelm me and I get things done. Usually anyway.
Though really work hours I am trying to implement are for me 8am to 12pm and 2pm to 6pm. Morning hours having worked very well so far.
(except for the last 3 days, those I pretty much took off)
Afternoon hours and some other stuff still are in the process of being figured out.
But usually Morning: 8-9 knitting and maybe some crochet, 9-10 writing and translating, 10-11 is sewing and 11-12 is drawing and joaw pages usually both.
Afternoon work has yet to have a set schedule. Again still figuring it out, but also again, I love my morning schedule, it has worked fantastically thus far.
Things that I do want to implement properly is programming, unity, blender and perhabs video editing in my afternoon hours,
just need maybe a few more weeks to figure out which goes where in the order of things for me to work.
(For example I had sewing before writing prior, but sewing after writing suits me better. Just am a complicated person.)
As for posts on the progress blog, they are daily.
Date, day, and number of post is pretty much in the title. Since I got a decent amount of posts now, figured it is time to give access to those that are curious.
Posts are edited as I get things done. For example it could have like 3 things there and 2h later there are 5 things now.
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this should technically go on my other blog where i discuss/rant abt fandom/media (not my main lol) but i think the vibe matches this personal blog more. anyway as i wrote a few weeks ago, i am starting a new job very soon. this week was the last week of “freedom” and i’ve been wanting to draw almost the entire week but i haven’t. it’s a combo of lack of motivation, lack of confidence in my art prompted by seeing how much better other artists online are, and general malaise.
i’m aware i have a combo of positive and negative feelings abt starting this new job, and recently i’ve been focusing more on the negative aspects. my spiral thus leads to me not really wanting to do anything. combine this w my recent thoughts (again) that me drawing is useless, that my art isn’t good at all and won’t really improve until i do meaningful studies that i don’t really feel like doing. i don’t get why i feel like that about art since i don’t have a job in art nor plan to have one, but i think it’s an inevitable/standard side effect of fandom since i p much have only been drawing fanart for the past few years.
i honestly am hoping shifting my daily hours to focusing on work will improve the neuroses i’ve developed around fandom (particularly shipping but also just in general tbh). i know the obvious solution is to log off or at least stop checking on fandom accounts but since i haven’t had much to do w my time for the past year or so (unemployment tbf) i’ve been hiding in fandom spaces to pass the time. sure in hindsight it’s prob just done nothing past rot my brain but yeah. hopefully w starting work i’ll shift away from fandom and prioritizing it less per se (by this i mean feeling like i SHOULD be drawing fanart, i should be contributing to specific fandoms when i have the free time). i’ve been wanting to pick up another hobby but learning something new feels like it req too much energy and drawing is something that takes “less energy”... ugh but i’ll have to prob pick up a new hobby fr so i can have “normal” things to talk abt w my coworkers (btw the hobbies i’ve been thinking about are crocheting, embroidery, knitting so like they’re still creative things. i mean most hobbies are creative things tho).
my relationship w art/my perception of my art has really deteriorated since... tbh since i joined twitter in late 2019. i mean i’m happy to blame twitter as the main issue but i feel like around that time was when i started questioning what i wanted to do w my art and whether it was worth it to keep investing time in it when i don’t plan to make money from it (lol). i think the 1st reason is valid but the 2nd reason is just... such a capitalist way of thinking. now that i’m thinking on it again, the main reason why i feel like this is bc i do almost no original art... i’ve been working on fanart only since basically 2020 and since i’m not like spending 24/7 drawing or improving my art, my art hasn’t really improved in the past 2 years past me learning how to use my digital art program better. i don’t think fanwork is USELESS, but i feel like it doesn’t match up to original works (original fictional and/or personal stuff).
the main reason i started questioning what i wanted to do w my art was after seeing an artist on IG discuss their desire to continue representing their ethnicity’s culture through their art; me, i was doing no such thing. i was (am still lol) just drawing BL and not really in a meaningful way. the thing is, there ARE parts of my lived experience that i would love to put into art form but still cannot. and i can’t really force it when i’m not ready, but seeing other ppl do it makes me feel like i need to. even though if i try to do it now, i won’t be satisfied w it. but still this concern has stuck w me the past few years and is why i question my continuation in fandom. i wouldn’t consider myself “active” in fandom as i have little to no interest in interacting w other fans online, nor do i post like every day/week -- so it’s not a matter of maintaining clout or friendships. i just question it bc looking at the big picture -- what can a piece of fanart do? it’s not really something i can put in portfolios (i mean you can but at my age it’s kinda lol i feel even if i didn’t go to art school) nor show to irl ppl without needing to unfriend them (i don’t create problematic or questionable works, but it’s just embarrassing irl to admit i’m still in fandom at this age you know). i don’t have the kind of awe-inspiring style that will stick in ppl’s minds and/or make them rethink aspects of the story (also the things i create fanart for... no offense but they’re not really that deep. ppl making them deep are kinda reaching/projecting imo. nothing wrong w that but also be real, keep a clear eye abt the og work). i’m not saying all original work does that, but talking about my lived experience(s) feels more meaningful than drawing fictional characters or shipping. but as i said: i still feel unable to adequately represent my personal experiences. i’ve tried before but i’m not satisfied w what i’ve written or drawn. and so i stick w fandom where i barely exercise much less flex my creative muscles, but at least i’m still drawing.
anyway i quit IG back in 2021 and honestly hope to do the same w twitter. sadly i can’t log off bc i have accounts blocked that i don’t want to see as i am not really mentally moved on yet; but i really do need to reduce the amount of time spent on that site. tumblr is alright for now, but it’s definitely still a time waster and i still do see art that makes me feel bad by comparing myself to them.
but for now i hope i can just take a break from fandom and being online all the time. i just want to like my art again
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My current shawl is on the blocking mats, and the lemon bars I’m making for my loved ones are in the oven. Truly I am a beacon of domesticity today
#kiki shouts in the void#waiting for nicer weather to post the shawl in full detail#bc the yarn looks pretty in sunlight and it is so cloudy today#also why I am not posting on my knitting blog lol#but I can post an initial pic#as a treat!#will link pattern in that eventual post#calling this one the ‘stars from the bruised evenin’ sky’ shawl#bc it looks like stars (in the evening sky lol)#kiki knits 2022
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Autism Acceptance Month
April 1st: Introduce yourself. Talk about who you are as a person. Your age, hobbies, special interests, family, etc. Anything you feel comfortable sharing.
Hello! I'm aurora1040. I am 28 and joined Tumblr when i was, i think, a senior in high school.
Some things that I have always enjoyed off and on as hobbies includes reading, writing, art, music, knitting, crocheting, and origami. Im sure there are other hobbies, but those are the ones off the top of my head right now.
I love animals!! Cats, dogs, birds... chances are if you name it, I'll probably like it a lot. I have a cat named Bach. I also have had 2 dogs, a pet rat, 2 cockatiels, and up to 13 cats growing up. I. LOVE. Animals. lol
For my special interest, I would have to say that Psychology has always been at the forefront of my entire life. Mental health is an extremely big deal to me. This is why so mych of my blog consists of mental health and positivity posts. I try to learn directly from the mentally ill or mentally disabled because I believe that first hand experience is absolutely invaluable to understanding the various diagnoses and neurotypes. I am FIERCELY protective of mental health. It is my turf and I will come unhinged if I see mentally ill/disabled being attacked or treated poorly or when there is an extremely gross and tone deaf take on a subject involving mental health.
The fastest way to trigger an info dump on psychology from me is any kind of pop psychology. I try to reign it in because most people dont appreciate it and I can come across as aggressive, even though all I'm doing is talking passionately about a subject that I have done research on my entire life. Some especially sensitive topics that will trigger info dumping includes: depression, anxiety, autism/aspergers, Narcissim (diagnosis, not personality type), Psychopathy, and Sociopathy. Closely related is also DID in the fact that I have relatively recently taken especial interest to learn about (read: past 4 or 5 years), but I am not yet confident enough to come barreling in with all I've learned yet. Its a very complicated diagnosis and I still have much to learn about it and similar neurotypes.
My favorite stim is auditory!! I love love love music and singing. My head is my radio and it is on 24/7 in the background at all times. It took me a long time to learn how to keep my stimming in my head so my family's ears eont get tired. lol
#autistic life#but i am autistic#actually autistic#autistic culture#autism#autistic girl#autistic feels#autism acceptance#30daysofautismacceptance#2022
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second thoughts (legolas x reader)
The Fellowship of the Ring - Part 4
masterlist
warnings: mentions of death, smoking, straying from canon, secret spilled, SUUUPER long a/n lol sorry
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5
a/n: hello my lovelies! its long overdue i know im so sorry! i kinda fell of the train for a while, but im back and super excited to present chapter 4 of second thoughts! thank you all for being so sweet and loving and understanding with me, i appreciate it so much! also in the meantime i hit 400 followers! incredible are you kidding me? i appreciate all 412 of you i love you with my all my heart and THANK YOU. if you would like to participate in my follower celebration you can see that here or look at the pinned post on my blog page. SO all the BORING stuff out of the way (im kidding) this chapter is completely made up, none of this is canon but it takes place while they are at Lothlorien. i thought it would be fun to add a chapter completely made up to develop some of the readers relationships ! i hope you enjoy this and thank you all so much for bearing with me!!<3
“Stay close, young hobbits.” Gimli spoke in a whisper once you were further into the woods. “They say a great sorceress lives in these woods. An elf-witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell… And are never seen again.”
“But is there any truth to it?” You asked, unsure. These woods were happily familiar to you, you must have had good experiences here.
“I do not know, lass. But either way, here’s one dwarf she won’t ensnare so easily. I have eyes of a hawk and ears of a fox—” A gasp escaped your lips as you came face to face with many arrow heads in your direction.
“The dwarf breathes so loud; we could have shot him in the dark.” A – very attractive – elf emerged among the arrows. He eyes washed over you and your breath caught in your throat. He was strangely familiar, too.
Legolas had noticed the other elf’s eyes studying you and for some reason felt a surge of a strange feeling passing through his body. He did not like the way that he looked at you.
“Haldir of Lorien. We come here for help. We need your protection.” Aragorn spoke fluently. The elf cocked an eyebrow.
“Aragorn, these woods are perilous. We should go back.” Gimli suggested, sounding rather irritated.
“Quiet, Gimli.” Your words were soft, looking curiously at Haldir who returned the gaze.
“You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back.” His eyes turned to Frodo. “Come. She is waiting.” He turned, and you followed.
Soon after, you found yourselves in Lothlorien, stepping up a tall, spiralling staircase. It was strange, for a reason that you could not explain or even pinpoint. But the peculiar could not overwrite its beauty. The staircase brought you to a beautiful arched building, supported by the tree branches it was built upon. It was white and glowing, and your eyes were fixed upon it entirely. Another staircase lay in front of you, of which two elves were situated on top, a man and a woman. He guided her down the steps with his hand. She was beautiful. Her skin was pale and her hair a platinum gold0silver. Her skin was flawless, her body covered by a gorgeously detailed white frock.
“Nine there are here yet ten there were set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him.” The man questioned. The woman’s eyes fell over your frame and you met them. Her gaze was intense.
“He has fallen into shadow.” She did not stop looking at you and you breathed silently, nodding slightly. She turned to Aragorn, and then at the other members of the Fellowship. “The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all.” Her eyes wandered, fixing on Boromir whose forehead was smothered in beads of sweat and he avoided her look. You noticed, brows knitting together in confusion. Legolas had also noticed, though he said and did nothing. “Yet hope remains while the company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace.”
~~~
It did not take long for you to get settled in, nor anyone else. You were each given fresh clothes and an opportunity to bathe. When the nine of you regathered to settle for bed, you chuckled to see that Aragorn looked the same as he had before. Legolas gave her a smile and stood beside her. You swallowed, thinking that he looked rather charming in the detailed silver tunic that wrapped his built torso. It suited him. In his hands he held a silver jug and he let out a breath.
“A lament for Gandalf.” He said, softly. You gave him a small smile which he returned.
“What do they say about him?”
“I have not the heart to tell you. For me, the grief is still too near.” You squeezed Legolas’ hand comfortingly, sharing a smile with him. Merry nudged Pippin, pointing at the two of you.
“It’s only a matter of time, young Pippin.” He whispered, a grin on his face.
“What does that mean?” Sam asked, but he was quickly shushed by the mischievous hobbits. Merry pointing yet again to you and Legolas.
“Do you think Y/N and Legolas will ever get together, Sam?” Sam shrugged to Pip’s question before they decided to continue preparing for bed. Meanwhile, Aragorn had made his way over to Boromir, who was sat in solitary with his head pointed towards the ground.
“Take some rest; these borders are well protected.”
“I will find no rest here.” Boromir declared. That caught your attention. You frowned, walking over to him, sitting beside him with a small smile ghosting over your lips. He let out a shaky breath. “I heard her voice inside my head. She spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, ‘even now, there is hope left’. But I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope.” Tears pooled in your eyes listening to him and you sighed silently, hugging his torso whilst he placed his arm around your shoulders.
“My father is a noble man, but his rule is failing. And our—our people lose faith. He looks to me to make things right, and I would do it. I would see the glory of Gondor restored.” His lips tugged up gently at the edges. “Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The White Tower of Ecthelion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze. Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?” It was not until that moment that you truly noticed how much you missed home. A few tears strayed from your eyes, racing down your face. You closed your eyes, leaning into Boromir’s side, sniffling quietly.
“I have seen the White City… Long ago.”
“One day, our paths will lead us there. And the tower guard shall take up the call – the Lords of Gondor have returned.” He smiled, turning to you to wipe the tears from your face before you pulled him into a hug. What he had said had terrified you. The fall of Gondor. Your home. And would any be there to save it? Or would people rather see it perish? After all, Denethor was completely useless and never aided those in need, so why would any come to Gondor’s need?
You stood, wiping your face with a small sniffle. Sighing, you walked away from the others, ambling off to wherever you could be on your own for a while. You took a seat on a flat tree root in a secluded area, trying to process the information about Gondor. You were so engrossed in your thoughts that you had not noticed the presence of another. As someone cleared their throat, you looked up, startled.
“Haldir. Forgive me I was—”
“Lost in your own mind?” He offered you a small smile.
“Exactly.” You chuckled. “It’s beautiful here, truly.” He stayed silent, taking a seat beside you. “It is strangely familiar to me.”
“Strange?” He questioned, tilting his head in confusion.
“Like I came here once in a dream.”
“Like a distant memory.”
“Exactly.” You smiled. Haldir watched you curiously, but with a knowing look spread across his face. As you turned to look at him, a realisation dawned upon you, and you found yourself repeating his words, “a distant memory…” He nodded once before standing, looking down at you.
“Goodnight, Y/N.” And with that, he was gone.
~~~
You had not slept very much during the night; you hoped that the next few nights would be better for you. The morning came around fast though, and soon enough everyone was awake and breakfasting. Not being particularly hungry, you only had a small breakfast. If it were up to you, you would not have eaten at all, but you did not want Sam to worry. Pippin and Merry were clamouring persistently to Boromir about how they wanted to practice. You watched them for a while, giggling at their stupidity before Aragorn sat beside you.
“Where did you wander off to last night?”
“I just wanted to be alone. A lot has happened in the last week; it all caught up to me.”
“You’re alright, Y/N.” He gently clapped you on the shoulder and you smiled at him, though tears gathered in your eyes.
“It is where I grew up, for the most part. I do not want to see it fall. And I’m afraid I won’t be able to help the way I want.” A stray tear fell down your face and Aragorn gently wiped it away with the pad of his thumb before he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “Forgive me, I do not wish to be so emotional.”
“It happens to the best of us, mellon nin.” He gave you a smile which you gladly returned. “There’s that beautiful smile.”
Legolas watched the two of you, his brows furrowed together, that strange feeling pulsing through him again. Aragorn’s right, he thought. Her smile is beautiful. His eyes were fixed on you while you spoke to Sam and Frodo, so focused that he did not realise Aragorn was now stood behind him, leaning into his ear.
“You’re staring, Legolas.” He whispered, the elf’s blonde hair moving from Aragorn’s breath.
“No. I am merely watching.” Legolas denied, earning a chuckle from Aragorn.
“Whatever you say, mellon.” Aragorn strode away, a grin plastered on his face. A gentle blush dusted over the elf’s cheeks, something rather noticeable that stood out from his pale complexion. He tore his eyes away from you, instead joining Boromir and Gimli to train the hobbits.
“My old gaffer might just faint if he ever saw a place like this. Got a thing for pretty places, he has. Makes sense, him being a gardener. He’d love it here.” Sam noticed your vacant expression while he spoke and frowned, gently touching your hand. “Y/N, are you alright?”
“Oh, yes, I—I’m fine. Forgive me.” You gave him a smile, squeezing his hand reassuringly.
“What about your parents, Y/N? What are they like?” Frodo asked.
“My parents died when I was very young. I don’t really remember them.” Their faces dropped immediately and opened their mouths to apologise but you chuckled, waving them off. “Don’t apologise; you did not know.”
A small smile ghosted over Frodo’s lips. “My parents died when I was young, too, in a boating accident.”
“I’m sorry, Frodo.” You offered your condolences while he shook his head.
“That’s alright; It was an accident.”
“You really are a pair of remarkable hobbits.”
~~~
You jolted awake with a breath tearing from your throat. Frantically, you scanned the area, your hand automatically reaching for your knives on your belt – only they were not there. It was at that moment that you remembered that you were still in the comforts of Lothlorien. Something compelled you to make sure that all of your companions were still beside you and you counted as you gazed around at them.
“Y/N?” A soft, calming voice called out to you amongst the darkness.
“Yes?” You responded quietly, shivering slightly.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?” The voice asked. You sighed at that.
“Just a bad dream.” It was an awful dream. Much like Frodo’s if you were honest. You did not want to think about it too much; you feared you might get emotional. The figure that had the voice stood and held his hand out to you. You took it, standing, and he led you a little away from the rest of the Fellowship.
As it became lighter, you could see the face of whomever had spoken to you. If you were honest, you were so drained from the dream that you had not distinguished who the voice belonged to. But, as the space got brighter, you could just make out the perfect contours of the face, the small curve on the lips, the concerned blue eyes that studied your face, the long blonde hair that gracefully fell over the broad shoulders.
“You were struggling in your sleep. I was worried for you.” He admitted, his voice seeming to get softer by the minute.
“Did I wake you? Forgive me I—”
“Do not worry, mellon nin; you did not wake me.” A small smile fell over his lips before his eyes filled with concern once again. “What were you dreaming of?” Legolas noticed the way that you squirmed at his question and furrowed his brows in response.
“Nothing important; I will be fine. But I appreciate your concern, Legolas.”
“Y/N, do not lie to me; you have no talent for it.” You smiled sheepishly. “You need not tell me, but I saw the way that you tossed and turned and the look of terror on your face. You were mumbling, incoherently, but you sounded terrified.”
“Everything seems so real now. It has finally seemed to sink in that Gandalf is gone and… It reminded me of my parents.” You sat down, your back flush against a tree trunk. “In my dream, everyone met the same fate, Gandalf’s fate. I was alone again.” Tears began to form in your eyes, your lip started to quiver. Legolas frowned, kneeling beside you before he gently tugged your chest against his, wrapping his arms around you protectively.
“Y/N, I will be with you for as long as you wish for me to be. You won’t ever be alone again.” He felt a terrible ache in his chest when you looked up at him, your arms still wrapped around his torso, your eyes puffy and a few wet streams leaking down your cheeks.
You gave him a weak smile, sniffling. “Do you promise?” He nodded. “Say it.”
“I promise.” He took a seat beside you after pulling away from the hug, a small distance between the two of you. After a long – yet comfortable – silence, you let out a sigh before moving closer to him, leaning into his body. You rested your head on his shoulder platonically, but Legolas could not escape the increasing beating of his heart when your leg touched his. He gently rested his head on top of yours, wondering what you were thinking about. Then, as if out of the blue – though it wasn’t really – you asked him a question.
“Have you ever been in love, Legolas? Have you ever loved someone so much to the point where it hurt?” Your voice faltered as you spoke, and the elf sighed silently. You could feel his breath shifting your hair.
“Once.”
“What was her name?”
“How did you know—”
“I can tell.” You looked up at him. “Your demeanour changed when I asked the question. Come, tell me about her.”
He did not know why, but he did. “Her name was Tauriel. She was the captain of the Elven guard of the Woodland Realm.”
“Was?” You questioned his use of the past. “What happened to her?”
“I do not know.” He let out a deep sigh and you frowned, wishing you had never asked for it was clearly a sensitive subject for him. “She did not believe herself worthy of me. Instead, she fell in love with a dwarf. Only, he died during a battle. I could not return to the Woodland Realm; my father gave me knowledge of Aragorn, and so I went to find him. I do not know what happened to her.”
“Forgive me, Legolas. I did not mean to upset you.” He shook his head at you, and you smiled, shifting a little closer to him to comfort him. He chuckled lightly as you wrapped your arms around him.
Back over by the others, Aragorn had awoken, but he did not move. Instead, he rolled over for he could hear familiar voices whispering behind him. As he turned, with a stealthy eye open, he watched you and Legolas sit together, a knowing smirk growing on his face.
~~~
The morning came quick, after you and Legolas had spoke about your lives all night and gotten a few quick hours of sleep before the others had awoken from their dreams. It was the last day that you would spend at Lothlorien, for you must all be getting a move on, and soon; the Ring would not take itself to Mount Doom. Since it was to be your last day in the comforts of the Lady of the Wood, she had asked to see all of you.
When the nine of you presented yourselves to her, she gifted each of you and Elven cloak, paired with a green brooch as a clasp. She named them the Leaves of Lorien. The Elven cloaks had been woven by Galadriel herself. They could not deflect a shaft or blade but instead, they could act as camouflage to unfriendly eyes. When you put it on, it was light and very agile. It was difficult to tell that you were even wearing a cloak. She explained that they would be warm or cool as needed. Then, she wished you all luck on your journey, and the nine of you quickly returned to the camp to begin packing for the day ahead; setting out early was important to travel as much as possible while it was still light.
Back at the camp, you all breakfasted. You made sure that the hobbits had taken enough before you started to pick at your own food. Aragorn wandered over to where you sat, perching himself beside you, a bowl in his hand, a small smirk tugging at his lips.
“What are you so amused by?” You paused chewing to ask, swallowing the remainder of the food in your mouth afterwards. A chuckle escaped him, and he turned to look at you.
“What is going on between you and Legolas?” His questioned startled you. You coughed profusely, trying to rid of the piece of food that lodged in your throat.
“What do you mean?”
“I happened to wake up last night, and…”
“And, what? You were spying on us?” You quirked your eyebrow cheekily, the hint of a grin on your lips. Aragorn grinned.
“And,” he lowered his voice. “I saw the two of you sitting together.”
“So? Is sitting together such a crime, Aragorn?” You shared a laugh with him. “Since you are so curious, I’ll tell you. The truth is, I was upset, and he comforted me. Then we spoke about life.” Aragorn raised his eyebrows, unsure if you were telling the truth or not. You giggled. “Have I ever lied to you, Aragorn?”
“No, I suppose not. My mistake. Forgive me, I thought something more might have been going on.”
“Well, I hate to disappoint, but nothing more is going on. He is kind, but we are friends, that is all.” Aragorn nodded at your words, then left you to sit in peace while you ate. He kept a close eye on you from afar, watching until you were distracted by the hobbits and by Boromir until he made his way to Legolas.
“Y/N looks nice today, don’t you think, Legolas?”
“Do not think I’m unaware of what you’re doing, Aragorn.” Legolas said with a scowl. Aragorn chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender.
“Alright. Though, you do seem very fond of her.”
“What’s not to be fond of? She’s kind, funny, a good fighter, she takes care of the hobbits.” A pink blush dusted over his cheeks. “She’s beautiful…”
“Legolas.” The ranger smirked. “Mellon nin, are you falling for Y/N?”
“Lower your voice, Aragorn.” Legolas urged, the blush growing on his face. Legolas wouldn’t say he was falling for you. He thought you were pretty, very pretty, and he enjoyed your company, but that does not mean that he liked you like that. His heart raced when you were close to him, and even harder when you touched. He hated to see you upset, loved to see you smile and laugh, although he preferred to be the one to make you smile. But none of that meant that he was falling for you, did it? He didn’t think so.
But as his eyes fell over you now, he could not help but feel that maybe, just maybe, that Aragorn was right. He watched your lips part and turn up into a smile, a hearty laugh drawing from your throat at something that Merry had said. Aragorn did not miss the smile that grew on Legolas’ face whilst he watched you, a longing, loving look in his blue eyes. All the ranger could do was smile at the elf and chuckle to himself, before finishing his food and continuing to pack what will be needed for when the journey resumes at dawn. Until then, the nine of you decided that you would appreciate the comforts of Lothlorien once more.
Time seemed to pass very quickly, and as fast as the morning had come, the night came. You and Aragorn were still awake, sitting beside each other, sharing his pipe, giggling about old times. You let out a contented sigh and he opened his arm for you to shift into him. As you did so, he plucked the pipe from your fingers and stuck it between his lips. You chuckled at him before sighing again.
“What’s wrong, mellon nin?” He said, the pipe bobbing in his mouth as he spoke.
“I have yet to find out what this place means to me, and we are already leaving.”
Aragorn sighed. “Y/N, you were born here.” Your eyes widened in shock.
“What?”
“Your mother and father lived in Lothlorien; that is why you recognise this place.”
“How do you know this?” You asked. You need not ask if Aragorn was telling the truth; he knew how much this meant to you.
“Haldir. He and your father were good friends. He wanted to tell you himself.”
“Why didn’t he?”
“He thought it would be better to come from a friend.” He offered you a smile and you smiled softly, relief lifting a huge weight from your shoulders. Returning the favour, you plucked the pipe from his lips and placed it between your own. “You’re not angry?”
You shook your head, blowing out some smoke. “Why would I be?” Aragorn shrugged and you chuckled, resting your head on his shoulder. He gently pressed his head against yours and before you knew it, your eyes were fluttering closed and you were drifting off to a sound sleep.
taglist: @entishramblings @falcor-thee-luck-dragon @biscuit-buddy @beakami
(send me an ask if you want to be added to my taglist<3)
#lord of the rings#lotr#lotr fic#lord of the rings fic#legolas#legolas greenleaf#legolas x reader#legolas x you#legolas x oc#my writing#reader insert#the hobbit#lotr legolas#legolas thranduilion#lotr frodo#lotr aragorn#lotr gimli#gimli#frodo#aragorn#samwise the brave#boromir#x reader#second thoughts fic#second thoughts#second thoughts legolas x reader#second thoughts legolas x reader fic#legolas x reader fic
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tagged by @agoldensky thank you carolina!!
not tagging anyone specific but if you fancy it, consider yourself tagged💕
Why did I choose my url?
bcos i am a whore for alisson becker.
Any side blogs?
yeah, 2. my sims one hasn't been updated in months and months but my RDR one is somewhat active lol (@saideadler)
EDIT: so turns out it’s 3 (thanks for reminding me carolina) i can also be found being a whore for ch*lsea players on @benchilswell as if i forgot about this blog ahhh fucksake
How long have I been on tumblr?
no idea. I got twitter in 2011 and I think it was just a bit after that I got tumblr?
Do you have a queue tag?
yes it’s ‘we work in the dark to serve the queue’ an assassin’s creed reference
Why did you start your blog in the first place?
twitter wasn’t the place for rants about football lol
Why did you choose your pfp?
again bcos i am a whore for alisson becker. and it’s christmas hehe
Why did you choose your header?
again again, bcos i am a whore for alisson becker. I wanted a smiley ali gif and couldn't find one so @agoldensky made it for me 🥰🥰🥰
What’s your post with the most notes?
tom daley knitting in the stands at the olympics lol
How many mutuals do you have?
no idea but I love you all
How many followers do you have?
1068
How many people do you follow?
293
Have you ever made a shit post?
every one of my original posts is a shit post
How often do you use tumblr each day?
I'll scroll through probably every day but won’t necessarily post every day
Did you fight/have an argument with another blog once?
nope
How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
I reblog them if it says ‘reblog this for good luck’ or some shit like that 🙃
Do you like tag games?
aye of course
Do you like ask games?
aye yeah
Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
all of yous x x x x
Do you have a crush on a mutual?
all of yous x x x x
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shutterbug | jjk
pairing: jungkook x reader
genre: fluff, angst
word count: 4.1k
warnings: swearing, unbearable but relatable tiger parents
request: Jungkook,, one shot,, 38 + 40 please 😊😊 @asiivnc
“you leave whenever you feel like it.” & “don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”
A/N: sheesh, i have not posted in a hot minute! i’ve been trying to work on this single request throughout quarantine and it really only came down to these last few days where i literally had a spike of inspo and drive and well,, ideas LOL. i considered an alternate angstier ending but i am a self-indulgent mofo who doesn’t like to make myself cry even though i’m sure i cried while writing this at least once (maybe twice). there is so much jk content on my blog i wanna set aside more time to write for other members from now on until i’m satisfied! regardless, thank you @asiivnc for requesting this and sorry for the wait luv, hopefully this can make up for it !!
Jungkook was known to be heavily passionate and fully invested in whatever his life had revolved around at that moment. As a film/photography major, as well as a man that just had a strange knack for being naturally adept at whatever was thrown at him, he incessantly poured his utmost efforts into his works. You weren’t any different, as you held just as much significance in his life as the way his serotonin levels would skyrocket as soon as his fingertips touched his precious camera.
Not to be self-absorbed, but you always thought of yourself as his muse. Or befittingly for his sake, the subject of the photo that you would give the title ‘his lover’.
You were so indisputably sure that you loved the boy and even moreso that he felt the same. While being so accustomed to his own nurturing ways and devotion to you and the reciprocated energy on your part, the bone-crushing weight of college hindered all and didn’t give a single fuck about anyone or anything.
Carrying the begrudging burden of having to succeed because he didn’t take the traditional lawyer/doctor career route, was always at the forefront of his mind. Likewise, for fuck’s sake, he nearly got disowned by his own parents and it took him what seemed to be a lifetime’s worth of energy to convince him to just give him a chance. Jungkook was not planning on taking that chance for granted.
Jungkook, being the person he is, was excelling, and his name was beginning to become known in the community of photographers and videographers, and he was finally starting to feel at ease. His parents were even acknowledging his successes to the extent that they were helping him financially with school, which was a huge burden off of his shoulders. And then you suddenly crash-landed into his life and just made his life even more fulfilling and by all means, worth living in.
He knew it was a bad idea. Distancing himself from you was the last thing he wanted to do. All his parents were concerned about was the fact that you were the only thing hindering him from making it “big”, when turns out, you became the sole inspiration and muse for most of his recent works. So they gave him an ultimatum to either be cut off financially or break up with you. He didn’t understand, because his parents liked you so much and they loved the influence you had on his work. He didn’t understand. He hated it—the fact that he was basically hanging by puppet strings and didn’t have a say in what he did considering the age he was in now.
He also hated the fact that he knew they had good intentions, and were only doing this because they wanted him to be successful. Their idea of true success for his career could only be seen as the financial benefits of being a director or producer rather than being able to just pursue and learn more about the art form that he loves. There was no use of trying to persuade them, so likewise, he did not. But why get her involved into this mess too?
Jungkook tended to stray away from confrontation and hated immediate and unexpected change as much as he acted like it didn’t phase him. He figured the sooner he can gain benefit from his passion, the less dreadful this dilemma would be. Less mess. Less stress. More time to be with you. That was the intended plan.
His next course of action was to score a film internship and potential job at the rather famous, Fox Studios. By doing so, would have to win the statewide film contest— a much larger scale than he had ever involved himself in. The mere thought of him having to showcase his own self-produced work to critically acclaimed film critics made the bile in his system threaten to upchuck onto the lemon-pledge scented floors of his dorm room. Then he remembered and was reminded— by the help of you of course, that he was Jeon Jungkook, and everyone knows that Jeon Jungkook does not like to lose.
-
He presumed that keeping up his grades would give him more credibility to getting the internship as well, so he put more focus onto his schoolwork. The remainder of his time was dedicated to exploring his potential ideas and storyboarding out his options and what would be most effective and most consequently— worthy of winning first place.
During this very strenuous time for the poor man, you would most likely see him trudging down the halls, hair in a complete disarray or simply hidden by the fabric of his hood, his eyelids threatening to close shut almost as if it’s taking all his willpower to keep them open, chugging down another red bull with one hand while he grips the strap of his backpack with practically no energy.
I mean you thought it was kinda cute at first, but his apparent deteriorating state mostly caused you to be more concerned than anything else.
In hopes to not hinder his creative flow but still keep his health at par, you would stop by every so often to give him food and give him reassurance—he never needed it so much until now.
Jungkook never told you about the irrational ultimatum his parents had given him. He came to the conclusion that it’d be unnecessary as long as he was able to carry out his plans. Nonetheless, the pressure of the whole situation was getting to him. The love of his life, passion for working with a camera, his parents’ disapproval, and just the own personal dream to be able to tell everyone that “Fuck you, I told you I could do it, and I did,” enveloped his whole mind these days.
Time had proved to not work in Jungkook’s favor. Two weeks passed in a mere blink of an eye leaving him with only two more weeks to finish his film in time for the film contest. This time around, he decided to choose a topic that resonated more with his own personal life. The film revolves around the struggle to be able to conform to the standards and expectations that society implements onto young people, whether it’d be from mainstream media or direct connections, like family. Typically, he stuck a title onto his projects after fully completing it, but for some reason, this time, it had worked in reverse. The title itself suddenly popped into his mind one day and from there he was able to garner ideas from it. And so the title was ‘Moulded’.
A very risky step on Jungkook’s part was what you initially thought when he first told you the idea. He knew that too, which is why he did it. You knew him long enough to be aware of the influence his parents had on his life and their outdated beliefs. You also knew the potential the boy’s zeal could take him, and because of that, all traces of worry left you shortly afterward.
-
Two days. The film contest was in two days. Jungkook was just about finished at this point, constantly playing back frames and adding final touches, rewatching the same parts over and over again until he became satisfied. He leaned back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh, eyes finally averting from the screen of his desktop to the clock on his bedside table.
“Only 9:15?” he muses, realizing these past four weeks had completely fucked over his sense of time, “At least I’m down, color correcting can be such a bit—”
A small jolt reverberates through his desk, interrupting his verbally spoken train of thought. His eyes beeline back to his phone, the contact picture of his mom flashing on his screen. Why would she be calling me at this time?
His brows knit together as he picks up his phone and swipes his thumb across the screen in uncertainty.
“Um, hi mom?” he greets, with the obvious tone of confusion in his voice.
He can practically hear her scoff over the line, “Jungkook-ah, how’s the film coming along?”
“It’s almost done-”
“Are you still with that girl?” she forcibly asks out of nowhere, leaving him dumbfounded to the point his mouth was hanging open in return.
A few seconds pass by as he processes what’s going on. He tightens his grip on the phone at the mention of you as he confesses through gritted teeth, “Yes mom.”
“We had a deal didn’t we?”
He retorted without waver in his voice, “Mom, I’m not a kid anymore.”
“Then give it back. The tuition money,” she affirms without hesitation, “Jungkook, me and your father have done our part. It’s about time you do yours.”
“I’ve done practically everything you’ve asked. I’m doing just fine,” he monotonously states, trying so hard not to implode on his own mother at this point, “Y/N has nothing to do with this.”
There was a short pause, leaving Jungkook in the same state of dejection per usual when he had to talk to his parents, “We just want you to be successful,” her voice softens, using the same line that somehow magically guilt-trips Jungkook every time the words travel to his ears.
He shakes his head in disbelief over hearing the stupid line that seemed to control every aspect of his life, “You say that every time.”
“And we mean it every time,” she interjects, a sigh audibly present over the line, “this discussion is over.”
She ends the call as Jungkook lets out a raspy and guttural groan, slamming his phone onto his desk in frustration with such strength it’d be surprising if the cheap glass screen protector he’s had on it didn’t suffer any damage.
“Kook,” a voice utters softly from the other side of his door, “is everything okay?”
He flinches at the sound of your voice, considering you were just the subject of the conversation he just had with his mom that left him fuming with rage more than anything.
“Can you please leave Y/N, this isn’t a good time,” he objected, adjusting himself in his seat so he’d face away from the door. Even though you couldn’t see him you could still hear the small indication of irritation in his response.
It was more than apparent something was wrong with him, with only two days left until the film contest, you knew he couldn’t manage to keep his guard down, regardless of the stress and turmoil he’d been putting himself through for the past 4 weeks, “Just because you leave whenever you feel like it…” you enunciate, raising your voice loud enough for him to hear your intentions, “doesn’t mean I will.” Both of you knew the last 4 weeks had taken a toll on the relationship, it was only then that he realized how much he’d been putting it off.
The door began to emit tiny clicking noises as he slowly turned the doorknob. He slowly widens the area as he meekly steps to the side, letting you come in as you make your way toward his bed and plop down onto his sheets.
The tension had never been this thick between the two of you, to the extent where it felt absolutely suffocating and unbearable. You had never seen him in such a state of dejection as he simply sat there, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he nibbled on his lower lip, eyes diverting away from yours at all costs. The knit between his brows that would usually derive from confusion or frustration, seemed entirely different this time around. It was as if his mind was full of nothing but everything all at the same time.
You heave out a deep sigh as you finally break the ice, “Jungkook,” you begin, looking up to see him looking back at you to your surprise, “you know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry for making it seem that way.”
“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it,” he mutters only to see the flash of hurt in your eyes that makes him divert his gaze back to the floor, “I know I’ve been acting so selfish lately. I’d understand if you felt that way.”
“I hate seeing you like this you know,” you confess quietly, “I know there’s something up.”
His eyes meet yours once again, mouth slightly parted as if he was about to say something, but the silences ensues and he closes the gap once again, resorting back to nibbling the skin off of his bottom lip until it starts to bleed. Your eyes soften as you observe the boy once more. The span of your relationship had naturally led to the two of you being able to open up to one another so easily. You were both able to tell when the other was feeling a certain way and why. It just came with time and getting to know the other person more throughout the relationship. And alongside that was the ability to know when the other was purposely keeping something under wraps—this was one of those times.
“Jungkook”, you whisper just loud enough to catch his attention, which works as he gazes back up at you with all doe-eyed glory, the knit between his brows gone surprisingly out of sight for the first time since you came over. You glance at his bed—emphasizing the void of space next to you on his bed by patting the fabric and peering at the cryptic man, hoping he would get the sign to sit next to you.
Fortunately, he does. He places his hands on the armrests as he timidly pushes himself up from his chair. The chair produces an obnoxiously loud squeaking noise almost emulating the sound of your dog’s dog shaped squeaky toy (counterintuitive I know, but it was a gift from Jungkook himself, the prick). The sound causes you to involuntarily snort as you look away in hopes to hide the smile creeping onto your lips. Too bad you missed the smug grin on his face at your lackluster attempt.
He carefully approaches you as he warily lowers himself onto his bed, making sure he doesn’t make the same mistake twice. He shifts his body to turn towards you, propping his hands at his side. His eyes avoid yours once more, sparing glances at every inch of his own room as if he wasn’t already familiar with the enclosed space.
You pause and calculate your next move, eyes studying the boy’s body language. You outstretch your arm, gently grasping his wrist as you slide your fingers through his calloused palms and twine your fingers with his own, allowing your hands to rest on your knee. His eyes glaze over your connected hands, trailing back to finally meeting your own once again—they had this all too unfamiliar gloss to them, not the usual star-like specks you had been accustomed to looking at. As a few seconds had passed, you spotted the pool of tears starting to brim in the corner of his eyes. Taken aback, you retract your focus to his whole face and how his bottom lip started to tremble, hopeless. Hopelessness was what he was denoting, an emotion you had rarely if never seen coming from the man sitting in front of you.
Before you could formulate any words of comfort, he speaks up, voice brittle and wobbly, “Am I just a failure Y/N?”
“Wha— what? No, how could you ask that? Of course I don’t think you are,” you assert, unknowingly tightening the grip on his hand.
“It’s just,” he drawls out, pausing to think of a coherent way to voice his concerns, “maybe it just would’ve been easier if I complied with my parents in the first place y’know. I’ve been spending all my time and energy fighting it, maybe I’ve just been putting my energy into the wrong-”
“I don’t believe that,” you calmly interject, “I believe that whenever you put your energy into something, you have a reason behind it. You thought about it for a while, it obviously wasn’t something that just sprouted overnight,” you countered, staring off as your eyes land on his workspace, the flashing screen of his computer that reveal his last minute editing as well as the camera you seldom see the man without, “Working with a camera, creating art,” you say while clasping your free hand over the one that you were already holding, rubbing miscellaneous shapes into the back of his hand, “that is what you love to do.”
“I love a lot of things Y/N,” he simply states.
“Hm?” you let out under your breath as you notice the single tear that falls onto his cheek, contradictory to the straightforward tone of his voice you had just heard seconds before. Your body stiffened at the sight of the fallen drop.
“Did you hear me on the phone before you came?” he questions, swiping away the tears that threatened to fall with his free hand.
You take a moment to recollect the moments that preceded until knocking on his door, “No, I just heard a loud bang. It sounded like you broke something.”
“Oh, that was my phone,” he shyly admits while scratching the back of his ear, “there is something I need to tell you.”
You perk up at his sudden willingness to tell you what was wrong. Your body language conveys the signal for him to continue, and he does.
“I got a call from my mom before you came,” he starts, “she was checking up on me, knowing the deadline is coming soon and what not.”
You nod slowly in understanding, “I see, what did she say?”
“You have the right to know,” he mutters under his breath while diverting his gaze back to your interlocked hands. He intentionally grazes your other hand before taking it into his own before flashing you a small grin of reassurance, “The farther I’m advancing, my parents just constantly feel the need to strip me of everything else. You probably knew that already. You also know that I tend to just rebel and find a loophole out of things most of the time. I don’t know, lately, it just seems like they solely care about success and money these days more than my own happiness and wellbeing, and it’s been like that for so long. Anyways, I’ve been prolonging and putting it aside for awhile now, but they threatened to cut me off financially if I didn’t break up with you Y/N.”
A single tear slides down your cheek. You’re at a loss for words and coherent thought. The only thing you muster to say is whatever decidedly popped up into your head first, “W-why haven’t you then?”
The brimming tears began to fall more frequently for you as well as from the eyes of the man in front of you. He releases both of his hands and slides his calloused palms up to your forearms pulling you closer in proximity, “I said it before, I love a lot of things Y/N,” he gingerly reiterates as he swipes away the tears from your eyes with the pad of his thumb before trailing his fingers to your fallen strands of hair, tucking them behind your ear.
“I love my parents, I love working with a camera, but I undoubtedly also am in love with you,” he tenderly professes while sliding down his hand to the crook of your neck, “I know my parents never meant harm, but they have to realize I don’t either. I owe it to myself and I realize that I am capable of obtaining and having everything I want in life,” he wholeheartedly declares despite the tears that continue to run down his face, “ And it wouldn’t be everything I want if you weren’t here with me.”
He renders you speechless, tears streaming freely as he continues to wipe them away. He was much more composed now, wiping away his own remaining tears with the back of his wrist. You, on the other hand, were practically sobbing into his palm, tears spilling all over his forearm.
“There’s a reason why I chose that particular subject for the film, “ he describes, hands sliding down to intertwine with yours once again, “It serves as a testament to my parents, to my peers, to you, but also to myself,” he beams, releasing the hold on your hands as he stands up from his bed, extending a hand out to you.
You unhurriedly grab his hand, as he tugs you to stand up from his bed, leading you to sit in his own seat. He swivels the chair for it to face his computer, stepping aside so you could sit down.
“I wasn’t planning on giving any sneak peeks, but it just seems right to show you this now,” he explains, clicking through the frames until he arrives at his destination and clicks play.
It starts off with the emulation of a glitching tv screen, the audio sounds as if someone was inserting a tape into a DVR. The ‘no signal’ screen fades into the familiar setting of the beach in his hometown. Hues of blue fading into muted shades of oranges and yellows flash across the screen, accompanied by the soft crashing of the waves washing ashore on the fine sand. The camera quickly shifts his focus to what seems to appear as Jungkook being fully enveloped and underneath the sand, his head being the only thing that isn’t submerged. Flashing his signature grin, his arm emerges from the sand as he gives a thumbs-up to the camera, making the person behind it erupt into a fit of giggles. That person was you.
The scene transitions into the city streets of the suburb that was close to the college. You were walking down the sidewalk, enamored by the bustle of the people who lived there as well as the twinkling lights that were draped from building to building. Clips ranging from his family, his friends, him working, and more are compiled and presented as he talks over it. His voice begins to say, “As individuals living in a society where opportunities seem to just be knocking left and right, we all have dreams and desires. Whether they are attainable or not, that’s what makes them all the more worthwhile and exhilarating to find out for ourselves. Society, whether we like it or not, is filled with certain conjectures that they believe can assure us of these dreams and desires, what they’ve made us believe as the path to success. They mould us from the beginning. As kids, we are told to behave well, listen to our elders, go to school, get good grades, and get into a good college. As adults, we deem success as having a stable job that pays the bills, buying a house and settling down, finding the love of your life, having kids, and working tirelessly until we become worn out and old. We have these presumptions about what’s better and what’s not, what is easier and what isn’t. Regardless of how much we get told that we can achieve anything we want to in life, we grow older and life unexpectedly throws more curveballs at you to make you think that it’s not actually the case. Well, as cliche as it may sound, I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true. Do what you want. Do what you love. Be with the ones you love. Cherish these moments. Film them as keepsakes to look back on. So… what’s your story? What are your dreams and desires? What sparks pure joy within you and keeps you on your feet? Break those moulds that have been holding you down. Reach for the moon and the stars. And maybe someday with the right amount of determination, and a little bit of luck, you can get there.”
The video ends right then and there, and you had no doubt in your mind that this was his best work to date albeit only seeing a snippet of it. A smile graces your lips as you turn your head to look at the creator of it all. He looks back at you with the familiar star-like specks in his eyes, making you feel rest assured that within all the chaos, you would both get through it all.
-
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MASTERLIST
#bts#bts ff#bts fanfiction#btsboulangerie#btsbookclub#btswriterscollective#btswritingcafe#bts fluff#bts smut#bts angst#bts imagines#bts fake texts#bts smau#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jungkook#bts au#bts x reader#jungkook ff#jungkook au#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook fake texts#jungkook fanfic#bts scenarios
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Updates:
Hello! It’s been quite a while hasn’t it? Surprise, I’m shockingly still alive. There are a few things I have to share with anyone who feels like reading this long post. Tl;Dr at the end.
First of all, I don’t think I have ever officially shared anything even somewhat substantial about myself in all these years. My name is Kasey; I enjoy knitting, writing satire, learning random fun facts about anything and everything, cooking (not baking, I suck at that lol), sewing, and skiing in my spare time. That certainly doesn’t cover everything but those are the things that immediately came to mind.
Time for the cliché stuff now: Once upon a time, back in 2015, I was a 7th grader exploring the internet by myself for the first time. Tough times were ahead, a bunch of things in my life went sideways; I think I can say that some major character development happened since those days.
Anyway, onto maintenance updates: So this is my main blog. It has gone through many iterations; I started it when I was 13 (5 years ago!) and it has come quite a long way since then. If you have followed me since the beginning, first of all, I am very flattered, but also, why?? You saw quite a few phases come and go through all my teenage years. Meme reposting has been consistent from the beginning though. In all honesty, I’ve gotten bored of this pattern but I don’t have the heart to erase everything in one fell swoop.
So what’s happening now? I’m going to be making a number of big changes. I’m making this blog a bit more personal, more original, and hopefully making it into a place where I can interact with people; I’m going through the truly impressive amount of reblogs on this blog that have accumulated over the years and sifting through all of them. By the end of the overhaul process, things will look a lot different!
I appreciate everyone’s patience while I make these changes and I hope a few of you feel like hanging around for afterwords. No offense taken if you want to unfollow btw!
Tl;Dr, Hi, I’m Kasey, I run this blog, and I’m making some big changes to my content. I’m shifting away from exclusively memes and copypasta and working on original content.
Please take care of yourselves! :)
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30 Questions Tag
Thank you to dear @sleepyoceaneyes for the tag!!
Rules: Answer 30 questions about yourself and tag 20 others you wanna know more about 😊
1. Name/Nickname: Ellie
2. Gender: female (vaguely)
3. Star Sign: Scorpio >:)
4. Height: 5′5
5. Time: 8:44 AM
6. Birthday: November 7th
7. Favorite bands/groups: The Highwomen, Fleetwood Mac, Ludo; just a few, there's lots of groups I like
8. Favorite solo artist: there's multiple but right now it's Allison Ponthier, Hozier and Phoebe Bridgers
9. Song stuck in my head: Landfill by Daughter
10. Last Movie: Voyagers
11. Last Show: The Falcon And The Winter Soldier
12. When did I create this blog: January 2019!
13. What do I post: Mostly writing related things, specifically my own writing updates and others. Other than that, you'll find posts that inspire me and some yeehaw shenanigans
14. Last thing I Googled: I was trying to find what the daycare workers at my potential new job wear so I know if I need a uniform or not lol so I'm not going to say what I searched because it'll give my location aay
15. Other blogs: my cozy blog is @honeybunlesbian and I have a horror/kinda fandom blog that only two people know about aha
16. Do I get asks: I do! And while I'm incredibly grateful for them, I don't often have the time to sit down and answer them :(
17. Why I chose my URL: I'm a writer from Texas yeehaw
18. Following: 873
19. Followers: 1,536
20. Average hours of sleep: either 6 1/2 or 9, no in between
21. Lucky number: 6 and 55
22. Instruments: I'm only a singer but I love the sound of banjos, pianos and string instruments in general
23. What am I wearing: black leggings, oversized poofy striped shirt I usually sleep in, baby pink knit cardigan, strawberry socks
24. Dream job: while I don't necessarily daydream about labor, I love the idea of being a librarian and full time writer
25. Dream trip: god I'll go anywhere right now, seriously. Maybe somewhere in Europe
26. Favorite food: right now I can't seem to stop eating the same chef salad from a local restaurant
27. Nationality: american
28. Favorite song: It changes almost on the daily but right now I would say Cowpoke by Colter Wall
29. Last book I read: I'm currently reading Alice Isn't Dead by Joseph Fink and the last book I 'finished' was Seeing Her by Maria Jackson (this was a DNF)
30. Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: assuming I wouldn't straight up die immediately... Star Wars (either prequel era or sequel era), MCU solely so I can bully Tony Stark, and uuuuuhhh maybe Twilight??? I want a vampire gf
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Tagging (sorry I'm absolutely not tagging 20 people LOL; also no pressure to the folks I DO tag): @daydreamodyssey @ashen-crest @bitchyeahmagnets @orangewlws @organabanana @lordfenric @lordkingsmith and anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!
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A/N: Am reposting two of my shelved discontinued fem!Hinata fics from my old blog here (for exposure ig? Also I didn't delete them completely there, they're just posted privately lol); for those who've read the original post before and wondering why this blog repost another blog's work, supplies~!! OP here, filling this blog with some Haikyuu content from last October. Enjoy ^^;; ALSO DO NOT SEND HATE ORZ smh
My Masterlist
Prologue | 01 | Omake 01
01 - The Restroom is Indeed a Scary Place
wc: 2.5k words
warning: slightly suggestive (thigh touching), some kidnapping ig?, but nothing else aside from the other warnings above; and a crying Hinata also btw
also inspired by this cute doujinshi
*NOTE: since purple/violet is unavailable via PC (using desktop beta lol), I'll use yellow for Ushijima instead.
Hinata Shouyou just came out of the girls’ restroom, singing her bathroom song (but discreetly lol) and turned left, when she bumped into something hard, face first.
“Ah, s-sumimase—“
“Are you okay?” a low and deep manly voice spoke to her, while large hands still gripped her shoulders after saving Karasuno’s Number 10 from tumbling backwards.
Brown eyes looked up to meet olive ones, as she faced Ushijima Wakatoshi, Shiratorizawa Academy’s Captain and Ace.
Ushiwaka. Japan.
“U-ushijima…-san,” Hinata gasped.
“Hinata Shouyou,” he replied, his face stoic as ever while staring at her face.
Which made the female decoy flustered.
Realizing the narrow space between them.
Also hands pulled off from touching gripping Ushiwaka’s chest shirt for support earlier.
Prompting him to release his grip on the chibi’s shoulders.
“I-i-i’m sorry!” Hinata stammered, apologizing at Ushijima and bowing multiple times. “I… I didn’t mean to—“
Staring at the girl, he was amused at how panicky one half of Karasuno’s freak quick combo is right now.
Which is cute.
And he fought the urge to pinch out her round cheeks right this moment.
The olive-haired guy slightly nodded in her direction.
“I’m also sorry—” he said laconically, which made Hinata surprised at his statement, “—for bumping into you a while ago.”
The female crow just shook her head and beamed. “It’s okay! I’m alright, Ushijima-san. You shouldn’t apolog—kya!”
Hinata’s sentence was cut off when both hands cupped her pink-tinged cheeks.
Ushijima’s hands, though large and calloused due to spiking balls since childhood, were warm and soft to the touch.
“A-a-ano—! W-wha… Ushijima-san…?!”
The chibi stuttered, trying to look at him but failed to do so.
Her heart thumping as loud as Saeko-neesan’s wadaiko beats.
Lol.
She squirmed, face now a full-blown blush, under the Shiratorizawa captain’s touch.
He raised his eyebrows, his voice a bit amazed.
“Hmm… so it’s true! Touching your cheeks can calm the nerves. Relaxing and therapeutic.”
WHAT IS SHE—SOME GENERIC FOOD SUPPLEMENT OR SOMETHING—
Hinata tilted her head on the side, looking a bit lost to what Ushiwaka said. “Pardon?”
Before he answered his reply, another male voice joined in from the back of the big guy. “Wakatoshi-kun, Coach and the others are waiting for you inside the gym… what are you doing—eh?”
Shiratorizawa’s Player No.5, the Guess Monster itself. Tendou Satori.
The redhead middle blocker peeked at his teammate’s shoulder to see both of his hands were connected—no, caressing—both of Hinata’s flushing cheeks.
“Aha! Karasuno’s little Number 10~!!”, he exclaimed, pointing his long index finger at the orange-head middle blocker.
RIP Ushiwaka’s eardrum.
She frowned, glaring at the tall redhead.
“HOW DARE YOU CALL ME ‘LITTLE’!?” she pouted.
Wanted to karate chop Tendou in the face for making fun of her height.
Meanwhile, the female decoy’s talking sent faint vibrations onto Ushijima’s palms still latching on both her cheeks.
He hummed in delight.
He was entertained by the different facial expressions Karasuno’s Hinata Shouyou made today.
And his heart swooned.
Noticing his friend’s faint blush, Tendou commented, “Ah! You must be trying out the theory about touching Chibi-chan No.10’s fluffy cheeks?”
“Hmm,” he nodded in reply.
Hinata stared both at the Shiratorizawa players, face a bit red. “What ‘theory’ is it that involves t-touching my cheeks…?”
The redhead draped one arm around Ushijima while his other arm left hanging upward, index finger pointed above.
Like an “Aha!” pose.
He explained, “There’s this rumor circulating around here earlier that we kind of heard about after coming out of our bus upon arrival. They said that (either) ruffling your hair, touching your cheeks and/or your hands can calm down uneasy nerves and relaxes the body.”
“Eh!? R-really? Who said th—ugyaa!”
The left-handed volleyball cannon started to squish both the female baby crow’s cheeks in a gentle manner.
Her hands tried to pry his hands away from her cheeks but to no avail—he’s strong he won’t budge.
Ushiwaka’s olive eyes locked in with Hinata’s brown ones.
“It is very relaxing.” “U-u-ushijima-san… s-stop… my c-cheeks…—“
…really, the restroom—whether it is the girls’ or the boys’—is indeed a scary place.
——— ☀️ ———
Meanwhile, inside another nearby gym, the rest of the crows were having their morning warm ups.
The team’s vice-captain, Sugawara Koushi, noticed their female member’s absence.
“Say, has anybody known where Hinata-chan went to?”
“She went to the girls’ restroom to freshen up,” said their third-year club manager, Shimizu Kiyoko, pushing forward a volleyball cart full of balls on the other side of the net.
Beside her, holding a bunch of clean towels and sports bibs, her fellow manager Yachi Hitoka added on with a somewhat worried look etched in her face.
“But, Shimizu-senpai, that was ten minutes ago! I wonder why Hina-chan hasn’t come back yet…? And our first practice match for today will start soon.”
“I’ll go look for that boke, Sugawara-san,” his fellow setter, first-year Kageyama Tobio, offered to help.
The silver-haired guy smiled softly at Kageyama and patted his back.
“Thank you! Please find and bring our dear Hinata-chan back to safety—and don’t start another ‘lovers’ quarrel’ with her, got it, Kageyama?”
Kags suddenly choked at his senpai’s request, his face a whole mess of red.
“S-SUGAWARA-SAN, I—WE’RE NOT…!” he stammered while glaring at the third-year.
“Oho~ a ‘lovers’ quarrel’ between the King and his idiotic subject? Really though…”
“S-shut up, four-eyes!” Kageyama then sneered at the smirking tall middle blocker, fellow first-year Tsukishima Kei. Beside him, his classmate Yamaguchi Tadashi, snickered.
“Hai, hai~! That’s enough,” Suga singsonged while pushing the fuming and embarrassed raven-haired kid out of the gym. “Come on, you still need to fetch Hinata…”
A jolt ran down the third-year setter’s bones, his ahoge twitched like an antenna.
SugamamaRadar™️
Fear shown on Sugawara’s face.
Oh no, my poor baby crow…—
He jogged towards Kageyama. “Wait up! I’ll come with you—“
——— ☀️ ———
“…s-stop squishing my face, d-dammit…!”
Hinata’s cheeks—now a bit sore from constant pressing—were still being held ‘hostage’ by Ushijima’s large hands.
Behind his shoulder, the Guess Monster amused himself with what was in front of him.
“Ah, I wanna take a picture of her right now~!” Tendou decided, fishing out his phone from the pocket of his jersey shorts.
“N-no, no… Tendou-sa…! No—Please…! D-don’t… my cheeks are h-hurting—USHIJIMA-SENPAI STOP!!!” the female decoy yelped, tears starting to leak out of her brown eyes.
Senpai? Chibi-chan calls Wakatoshi-kun ‘senpai’ now?? WHAT!?!!! the redhead thought, flabbergasted. Unfair… so unfair~
The olive-head stopped what he was doing after he felt wetness seeping through his fingers, but hands remained stuck to Hinata’s face.
Hinata Shouyou, with her sore and pinkish cheeks, teary-eyed and sniffling.
Tendou then whispered to his team captain. “Oh my, this is bad, Wakatoshi-kun~ You’ve made the cute girl cry…”
Ushijima kept his gaze at her, his olive eyes laced with concern. “Did I?” he asked monotonously, his hands now placed on his sides.
The ‘cute girl’ in question started to wipe away her tears with the back of her hand while rubbing her abused right cheek with the other.
“I did tell you to stop squishing my cheeks, Ushijima-san!” Hinata scowled at the two men. “But you won’t listen!”
The Shiratorizawa ace felt a pang of guilt and sadness at the same time.
But Ushijima Wakatoshi made up a plan to keep her sunny disposition from fading.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, body slightly bent towards Hinata so she’s at eye level with him. “I really am.”
His usual expressionless facial structures softened and… is he smiling? At her?
Her face flushed again at the sudden closeness between them, heart beat picking up speed.
Not to mention the warmth of his left hand the chibi felt at the crown of her head.
Ushijima began to wipe away streaks of tears on her eyes and cheeks with his right.
“Stop crying now, or your cute face will become like Yoda,” Tendou jokingly said to Hinata, playful red eyes looking at her.
“S-shut it, Tendou-san,” Karasuno’s Number 10 whined, lips pouting, her face scowling with embarrassment.
Ah, be it a crying face or a pissed one, she really looks cute either way, both guys thought the same, with faint blushes adorning their cheeks.
“What~? Tendou-‘san’?! You called Wakatoshi-kun ‘Ushijima-senpai!’”—the Guess Monster then imitated Hinata’s voice from earlier.
Which further embarrassed the scowling girl more.
“—then me a merely ‘Tendou-SAN’?! Hey, we’re of the same year level—“
“Tendou—“
The said redhead fake-sneered at the orange-haired decoy, pointing shakily. *shrugs*
“—I’m your upperclassman also, Chibi-chan! Show some respect by calling me ‘senpai’!!” fumed Tendou.
Hinata flinched a bit at their rival school’s middle blocker’s litany. And looked down.
Then silence.
Ushijima turned to face his friend, his brows slightly knitted.
“That is absurd coming from you, Tendou,” he scolded him. “I think you made her angry now. What if she cries again?” Not to mention her teammates—
“Maa, maa~ don’t you worry, my dear Wakatoshi-kun! She won’t~ I’m sure of that!”
Did she buy the charade? the redhead thought as he waited expectantly at her next course of action.
Eyebrows raised in anticipation. “Well…?”
She mumbled. “…pai…”
“Come again?”
Hinata then raised her head and looked shyly at them.
Flustered. Lips quivering. Hands fiddling the hem of her white shirt. Feet shifting from one side to another.
She took a deep breath.
“T-tendou-senpai! U-u-ushijima-senpai…!” she stuttered yet said in a clearly loud voice.
That does it.
They’ve been struck with the arrow of sunshine deep in their very soul.
The olive-haired guy’s body felt tense for a second.
The Guess Monster suddenly fell dramatically on both knees, clutching his shirt-clad chest as if in a wheezing position.
The female middle blocker panicked, hands waving in front of them.
“A-a-ano…!?!! You two–are you two okay???”
“You… you nearly killed us with your moe-moe attack, you know!?” Tendou exclaimed, quickly bouncing back from his kneeling moments ago.
Hinata tilted her head (again) in puzzlement. “Huh? ‘Moe-moe attack’? What’s that?”
Which caused him to facepalm and shake his head in reply. “Seriously!? What are you… are you even a human being??”
“HEY!”
After a long time lol, Ushijima spoke to her in a blunt manner.
“I did not know that you’re as dense as a rock when it comes to… these kinds of things, Hinata Shouyou.”
You’re one to talk though, Ushiwaka lololol
She scowled again at them. “I’m not!!! Quit teasing me, damn you Ushiwaka~!”
Cute!!!
The redhead then whispered again at the captain’s ear, acting like his bad conscience.
“Let’s take her back with us to the team, Wakatoshi-kun. Let’s keep her and her radiating presence to ourselves.”
He agreed with Tendou’s scheming idea, which is the same thought as his. “Yes, let’s keep her to ourselves.”
Forget about facing the wrath of Karasuno–screw this!
Hinata sensed something suspicious going on between them.
“W-what are you two whispering about? Hey, what do you think you’re doin—hyaah!!! U-ushijima-san…!!!”
She was hoisted up by Ushijima and placed on his shoulder, her flushing face facing towards his broad back and Tendou (who wiggled his long fingers as if doing a little wave of hello), as they walked away from the girls’ restroom.
Both his large and beefy arms holding her tiny waist and slim, lightly-toned milky-white legs to secure her in place.
Hinata Shouyou was being carried by the ace of Shiratorizawa like a sack of rice.
“Put me down! Ushijima-san, please!” she yelped, her fists started banging her captor’s back.
“Where are you two taking me to—ah!!”
His hand is touching my thigh…!
Gripping her legs tighter, Ushijima turned his head around, olive-colored eyes staring sternly against her honey-brown ones.
“I would appreciate it if you stop punching my back. Lest you really want to fall yourself down on the concrete face first?” he hissed.
That stopped Hinata from bruising his back more.
S-scary… Ushiwaka’s really scary! she thought, a faint wave of nausea forming on her stomach.
Silence.
“S-sorry…,” she mumbled guiltily, her hands now touching his back, rubbing small circles to where she had hit him a while ago.
Ah… her hands… she’s comforting me…?
She held out a wry smile. “Does it still hurt, senpai…?”
“…yes, it still hurts. A bit.”
The orange-haired girl panicked again.
“EHHH!? I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m so so—hiii!!!”
Ushijima gently stroked a finger on the back of her thighs. “Stop flailing yourself or I will really drop you on the ground. Hard.”
Hinata then gulped at the consequence.
“Y-yes, sir…,” she mumbled, her pouty face laced with a deeper shade of red.
Tendou laughed heartily. “You really, really made him mad there, aren’t’cha, dear Chibi-chan~,” he said, ruffling her orange hair.
“And, to answer your question earlier: we’re taking you back to our team!”
“What!?” she exclaimed.
RIP Ushiwaka’s eardrum, part 2.
The decoy shook her head in a disapproving way.
“No, no, no, NO! I don’t wanna! Please let me down, Ushijima-san—I need to go back to my team! I bet they’re waiting for me! We have a practice match today… I want to go back… please?”
“No. You’re coming with us, Hinata Shouyou.”
Sweat drops started to form on Hinata’s face.
“B-but… if I don’t return back soon, K-kageyama-kun will kill me!”
“THE HELL I WILL YOU IDIOT!!!”
Suddenly, a raging Karasuno Number 9 appears—
The three of them flinched, with the girl slowly glancing upward to see Kageyama running towards, glaring.
Oh, crap! Hinata felt shivers down her spine.
“Hinata boke, we’ve been looking for you for almost half a hour!! Why’re you taking so long to take a shit in the bathroom—“
“—BAKAYAMA I DID NOT—AND IT’S ‘POOP’, NOT ‘SHIT’, STUPID!!—”
Tendou snickered at the conversation. “Pfft. He said ‘shit’ to a girl…”
“—we were so worried about you—huh?” He suddenly stopped his bickering when the setter noticed the awkward position his orange-haired partner was in.
Together with two of the members of the Shiratorizawa Academy Men’s Volleyball Club.
Together with the Ushiwaka.
Why is she on his shoulder? he thought, a vein popping on his forehead.
What the hell.
Kageyama walked near them, scowling. “Hey, why are you with Ushijima? Tell me!”
Panic rose across her face.
Sweat began to form on her forehead.
Brown eyes averting his cold blue-eyed stare.
Hinata started to sputter out some words, nearly stuttering in the process.
“K-k-ka-Kageyama-kun! It’s not what you think—“
Ushijima answered him back for her. “We’re bringing Hinata Shouyou back to our team. We’re keeping her.”
“USHIJIMA-SA—hyaah!” He made another stroke at the back of her thigh, making her flushed and gripping the back of his shirt in the process. “P-please… stop—“
He replied with his usual stoic demeanor, but a pink tinge sporting his cheekbones said otherwise.
“No, I won’t stop. I want to see more of that cute expression of yours, …Shouyou-chan.”
Homerun, straight to the kokoro—
Is he smirking at her???
“A-ano… s-s-senpai, please…—“ My heart… beating faster… if this continues… I might—
“What the hell are you two doing with my precious child?”
Sugawara stood in front of them, donning a creepy-like smile.
Dark aura emitted behind the crows’ vice-captain. Now, it’s the two Shiratorizawa players’ turn to shiver.
“S-sugawara-san… please… h-help me…,” his precious kouhai muttered dizzily. “I think I might… fai—“
And her mind went blank.
DO NOT REPOST/EDIT WITHOUT PERMISSION. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME, KIDS. LIKES ESPECIALLY REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. ALL WORKS © angrymongol01 - 2021.
#hinata shoyo#ushijima wakatoshi#tendou satori#kageyama tobio#sugawara koushi#hinata genderbend#fem!hinata shoyo#female hinata shoyo#karasuno#shiratorizawa#kagehina#ushihina#hinata x ushijima#kageyama x hinata#haikyuu#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu drabbles#haikyuu crack#ish#haikyuu fluff#tw suggestive#kinda#addictive sunshine#🐱saku.fic#🐱saku.rbs
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Past Life Regression
Yk what, this blog has not been serving it's purpose. Haikyuu content? We don't know that. LOL. So maybe I'll change my branding soon. I'll just make this a ranting blog.
Anyways, Past Life Regression. I've been obsessed with that but just can't seem to undergo one. Mainly because of my aphantasia which is like, the inability to create images in the mind. It's hard to visualize myself—which is a necessity at the start of past life regression videos; to visualize yourself in a different scenario or something.
But somehow, yesterday, I was able to see one of my past lives. And it hit me. Hard. It was 2 AM in the morning and I have exams (today) but fuck it. My 'past life' was more important /j
As this post goes on, it's just rambling about my 'past' so...if you don't believe or want to read it, don't.
P.S. It can go historically or culturally inaccurate. I'm not really sure when it comes to other's culture, not mine.
I was asked by the video to imagine walking down a glass staircase. It is supposed to lead me to this abandoned seashore. I can't really create vivid pictures in my head in aphantasia, right? I settled with trying to relive the feeling of touching the staircase and the sand.
This is kind of a lengthy process so I'll fast forward. Late on, they made me visualize that I walked around, ran my feet into the sand, checked how far is the next island, visualize a campfire and so on. Honestly, at this point, I was already crying. I was crying of how beautiful the entire scene was. It was so peaceful.
The first snap has been commenced. The very first snap was supposed to let you see who you were in this past life. And as soon as sensation started to flood my brain, I cried.
All I "see" (feel) is a woman. A woman whom I think is a servant, judging by her clothes. I feel like this was on a medieval period? I searched her clothing and honestly, it's almost the same.
This woman is on the hall, staring at this one particular opened window (that is similar to medieval architectural design of windows—I just feel like I had to point that out). I cried so hard because it felt like she was familiar to me and at the same time, I felt pity for her. She just looked so lonely. There's not much that you can see outside the window because it still is castle walls so I'm wondering what's making her stare at it still.
I was asked how the clothes felt. It felt heavy. I was asked how she looked like. She looked like in her late 20's and tired. There were more things the video asked of me but I couldn't focus as I kept on crying. The speaker on the video then snapped their finger. That would supposedly lead me to their happiest memory.
It lead me to the very same woman, inside (I think this is shared among other servants) her chamber. There's not much furniture I could see. But she sat on the spot where the light from the open window hits. She was knitting and a smile is on her face. I cried harder (for the nth time) because even when I wasn't asked by the video yet on why was she happy, I knew the answer. She was expecting a child.
I didn't know if it was hers (is it a thing for servants to get impregnated?) or she's just genuinely happy for the woman she serves but it all made sense when the video snapped again. This snap was suppose to lead me to her memory with the most important person in her life.
It was her child. A girl. And nothing made me feel happier for her. The scene was that they were at the very same window I saw her staring at at the first snap. This time, the woman is kneeling as her hands are on her daughter's shoulders. They seem to appear talking but I cannot hear them. Her child is wearing worn-out clothes. Is it even allowed to have a servant's child be inside the castle?
The video asked me to asked them about their name, my name, or anything about this life. Which saddened and frustrated me because again, I don't see vivid images in my head. I was just clinging to the feeling. There was no way I could reach to them. Though, I did hear soft whispers. The names feel like they end with the word 'Rose'.
The video snapped again and it was supposed to lead me to a reoccurring theme in this past life. Hers was labor. She was scrubbing the floor while trying to make sure not to stain the sheets. And that was it. I know she didn't like it but she didn't have a choice.
I wanted to continue further, really. But the feelings were so overwhelming and I think I was also distracted with the random itchiness I felt on my skin. I accidentally opened my eyes which lost my concentration. And, it ends there. Sadly. I wanted to know more.
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