#also my job could be done at home 95% of the time but we only get one day at home 😭
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ughughugh
#sad day for me despite all the booping#found out one of my fam’s cats died last night#and then my husband tested positive for covid so now i’m having to isolate all weekend so i can try and not get it 😔#but i already feel bad but luckily still testing negative#so took a sick day anyway which sending those emails gives me major anxiety but like who wants a sick person in their office cmon???#also my job could be done at home 95% of the time but we only get one day at home 😭#so that could solve this but instead now yall get no work out of me ya played yourself#just gonna huddle and cry and boop all day then#pet death tw#katie.txt
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Oh hai there! We’ve just been off in our own little summer world of wake, play, eat, sleep repeat! Thank you to the kind anon for checking in on me today. If you don’t mind, I’ll give an update here rather than answering the ask.
In the past 2.5 weeks since my last post, here are a few highlights worth mentioning:
Kevin officially started his intern year of residency! Which means he’s been at the hospital more than at home and his first stretch of shifts were all night shifts so he’d leave at 8:30 p.m. and get home around 10 a.m. then sleep until 8 p.m. the next day and do it all again. We only saw him for maybe two 15 minute blocks, once in the morning and once at night. This has been extra hard given that he was at home with us non-stop for months prior to this.
I had the week of July 5th off work! Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job?? SO MUCH.
During the week off erp and I met up with @nannyturnedmama and her little one! We went to the zoo in 95 degree humid heat! Thankfully she was extremely conscientious of my very pregnant overheated self and we had such a great time!
I’ve started making cold brew! But that’s only because I accidentally ordered a bag of ground decaf coffee instead of whole bean and I wanted to put it to good use. It’s strange to me that the cold brew process is all done outside of the fridge. Room temperature water mixed with grinds left out on the counter for 24 hours? No cold necessary. Weird.
Making the most of my inclination for laziness while still wanting to be a good wife and provide meals for my husband, I signed up for Factor75 meal delivery service! We cancelled Hello Fresh a few months ago because that was way too effort intensive for my liking. I chose Factor due to the fact they have a great variety of keto options and it’s all ready to go meals! While I’m not currently keto, Kevin is, and I do plan on getting back to keto quickly after baby August is born. We’re now on our second week of meals and, I’ve gotta say, we’re really happy with it!! The meals taste great and they’re ready in four minutes (two minutes in the microwave and two minutes of rest). My only complaint is I want more after I finish eating, but that’s always the case with me unless I eat to uncomfortable levels.
During the end of my week off work, Kevin also had a few days off so we decided to drive to North Carolina to visit my aunt, uncle, cousins and their kids! We try to see them at least once a year since moving out to VA but obviously that didn’t happen last year due to covid. It was SO FUN introducing erp to them all! And, amazingly, my shy babe did SO well! She loved being with my cousin’s 12 and 14 year old daughters and I loved letting them follow her around keeping her safe! I actually got to kick back and put my feet up during non-nap times! So this is what it’s like living near family?! Sign me up!
It’s CRAZY to me that I’m 35 weeks pregnant with baby August (who I think I’m going to start shortening to just August, Aug or Auggie. Which, obviously, is just a tumblr nickname and won’t be her actual name. Erp and Aug? Are we fans?)
Knowing that I gave birth to erp at 37w0d is making my brain insane knowing I could possibly have less than two weeks left of this pregnancy. But, this time, I actually packed a hospital bag! I even pulled out my breast pump and got that ready to go to the hospital, too. I had quite the time remembering how it all works though, apparently I blocked out that part of my life. In fact, I’ve blocked out most of how to care for a newborn so I’m really glad my mom (retired NICU nurse) will be here in two weeks to help me navigate the first few weeks with August.
Given that I now live in a three-story townhouse, where I sleep on the third floor and the nursery is on the second floor, I’m thinking of putting the pack and play in my bedroom so I can easily care for and nurse August without having to climb down/up stairs while still recovering from delivery. As such, that means I should get a comfortable chair for the room, right? Right now there’s nowhere to sit other than the bed and it’s a tall bed without any back support so the idea of nursing in bed sounds challenging at best. But I’d also hate to waste money and buy a chair for just a few weeks/months before transitioning August to her crib in erp’s room? But it wouldn’t be a waste if it’s helpful. Also, the chairs I’m looking at would be around $150 which seems like a worthwhile investment if it makes my life easier for any period of time.
As much as I haven’t been great at keeping this space update of late, I PROMISE I’ll keep you posted as soon as I go into labor! There’s no way I’d let you miss out on all that action as it’s happening :)
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MY TOUGHTS ON PART THREE OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)
A DC RENDITION OF THE SONG “MOTHER KNOWS BEST” FROM TANGLED.
Here I will leave the links to my reviews of Part 1 and Part 2
Well, here we are, three issues in this story of only six parts and i still cant tell if i like it or not. What i know for sure tho is that Zdarsky never read any Red Hood books, i had my suspicions but now i am at least 95% sure.
This Jason has been nerfed. We had a perfectly balanced Jason back in 2005 he was smart, skilled, confident and strategic. Then from 2011 to 2020 (let’s put the fact that Lobdell is trash aside for a moment) Jason was skilled, he had the whole “chosen one” thing going on with the all-castle, and in some moments you could even see him being quick witted and confident. But now in this first half of this story he is extremely insecure, his skill set and expertise is barely there and is presented as just reckless.
The other day i was talking about how DC treats Jason, how they just can’t decide on who he is, what motivates him or what he wants. His personality is a whole ass mess, it was fine in 2005 and 2010 when Winick wrote him but then Lobdell from years 2011 to 2020 just couldn't decide what he wanted to do with Jason or his relationship with Batman and his rules. After Lobdell finally left Jason was passed around people who either only read Lobdell's work, or didn't read anything from him or didn't take into account Jason's life because their book was set in a future that may never happen.
What i am trying to say is that Jason doesn't have a personality, and writers don't really add things to the Jason that we “know”, what they do is start his story from zero over and over again. There is no consistency to Jason's character and while you could argue that maybe this new start could be the definite version of Jason Todd/Red Hood i will point out that this nerfed version of him is a major disservice to the character that he was when he was brought back to DC.
It’s simply not nice.
And in this particular issue the “Jason isn't that good at this whole vigilante gig” is even more pushed because of the whole “batman knows best” bullshit. I am not getting this (anthologies) book with a Red Hood story just for Batman to come in and be like “I am actually good at this job, you know nothing AND i have the moral high-ground”, this is NOT it.
If you are reading a Red Hood story chances are that you will be interested in Red Hood not Batman.
Oh one more thing, Jason was an excellent Robin. He was kind, smart and skilled. I liked the flashbacks in UtRH because it showed Jason being all that but he also understood a couple of things about the kind of criminals that Gotham had, your common thug is easily scared of the concept of Batman but the dress-ups knew that no matter what they did the Bat would never kill them, that’s what Jason thought about criminals there.
This Robin Jason is treated rather poorly by Zdarsky at times, he feels insecure and inferior to Dick but he is also dismissive of him and the Robin mantle in the first issue, now in this one he is shown as way too reckless (which is kinda bad because it feeds into DCs favorite trope of “Jason’s death was Jason’s fault”) and his stance on “low level” criminals is weird, like it was made clear that drug related criminals are Jason’s biggest issue, thieves were not.
Those are my general thoughts on this issue and the current state of Jason’s characterization. I have some panels from this issue that i want to talk about in more depth tho, so here we go.
The issue stars were we left off once more, Tyler defends Jason and when Batman asks who he is Tyler says that he is the Blue Hood, that was really sweet of him, that child is adorable and he needs to be protected.
Once the Bat distracts Tyler Jason tells the Bat that the man he killed was Tyler’s dad.
There are a couple of things i want to point out from these panels, Jason feels incredibly guilty, not about killing Andy but about leaving Tyler in a situation that is similar to the one he was left in when his own mother died. He still believes that Andy was not a good man and deserved to be dead, after all he was drugging his own son and was the reason Tyler’s mom overdosed and is now in the hospital. It just hits incredibly close to home for Jason and i understand completely.
The other thing i want to point out is that Jason says “I know your rules. No killing in Gotham” so, this is (to me) confirmation that Jason hasn’t killed in a long time and that he has been sticking to the Bat's rules (at least in Gotham). Andy (a drug-dealer) is the only person that Jason has killed since the events of UtRH (that are apparently canon in this story because it was mentioned in the first issue).
Following this conversation the Bat says that he will take care of Tyler’s mother (yikes, i really thought in my last post that Jason was the one who would have tried to get her the help she needed, to me it seems more appropriate if Jason does it given that this is his story but what do I know)
This is where this Red Hood story transforms into the Batman show.
Not only will Bruce take care of Tyler's mom but he will clean up the mess and shut down the making of the drug all by himself. Jason tells him that he will do it but the Bat tells Jason that if he wants to do it they will have to do it together because there is no way he is letting Jason out of his sight, he made a mess!
Yes, nothing like making the lead character look incompetent at his job. Love that for Jason.
Before the team up starts Batman and Red Hood go to Leslie's place to leave Tyler with her. This is a good moment only because there is a dog involved, well…Tyler, Jason and a dog are involved, best panel in the whole issue? I think yes.
Maybe I have a couple more panels that are my favs in this issue, here they are, a lil bit of positivity in this extra bitter post.
Now I will be honest, I hate Batman (Bruce’s Batman, love Dick Bats he was the MVP) so him saying that he is helping a Robin makes me want to shoot him. You are not helping; you are overtaking, as you do. Never a team player, the Batgod must always be the center of the show.
Back in the new cave Bruce talks to Jason about the drug and who he thinks might be behind it's production. He also makes sure to let Jason know that he is very smart and might be the only person outside of Crane's circle that knows how analyze a very unstable compound…weird flex but okay. He also teases Jason about his detective skills. Yay.
Flashback time! Get ready!
Robin Jason and Batman are at a crime scene and Jason doesn’t seem to be in the mood to play CSI: Gotham with Bruce.
At one moment Jason says “and then we will stomp the guy who did this” (“this” being murder), which makes Jim Gordon (who came to see if batman was done playing Sherlock Holmes) uncomfortable, so Batman tells Jason to wait for him. As Jason is going he sees someone acting suspicious.
Back to present day Batman and Red Hood are visiting the woman that created the compound that makes Fear Gas, the interrogation starts well but because this is the Batman show and Jason is bad at reading people and asking questions we have a scene that shows Jason being a bit too much.
I honestly thought that the first question was fair, but then after they leave the office they were in Batman basically goes on a rant about the things that Jason missed.
Ok, I get it Batman = good vigilante. Red Hood = Incompetent.
Zdarsky is honestly trying to make us believe that Jason hasn’t picked up any of those things, in his years as Robin with Batman AND Nightwing? They both taught him, there is no way Jason doesn’t know the basics of how to read people. Also do you guys remember Jason in UtRH and Lost Days? That guy read people perfectly, how is UtRH canon in this story, did Jason lose his skills in the explosion when he blew up the Joker?
As if that wasn’t enough Batman calls Red Hood reckless after they don’t agree on what to do next.
To this I say the following: Never again make me believe that Jason will willingly work with Batman. They don’t work together and neither are willing to meet each other halfway, even less let the other lead. This makes the idea of Jason following the Bat’s rules and him being part of the “Batfamily” the joke that it actually is.
They don’t work well together anymore; bring duality back to Gotham 2021.
Back in the past where the previous flashback is resumed we have Jim telling Batman that the new Robin seems a bit too rough around the edges. Did Jim ever meet Dick as Robin? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Dick was a sweetheart but he also beat criminals alongside batman every night. It just doesn’t feel like what Jason said was that much of a violent statement or anything, maybe I just don’t get it.
But don’t worry if you don’t get it, because we are shown Robin Jason going after that suspicious man, he is beating him asking if he knows anything about the murder or what exactly he was doing so close to the crime scene when Batman arrives. Through Batman we are told that that man was no longer a criminal, to which Jason says this, “…The guy is a jewel thief! He will always be a thief” and Batman responds “I refuse to believe that. Didn’t I meet you in the middle of stealing the Batmobile’s tires?”
I can’t believe Bruce went full “It’s over Jason. I have the moral high ground” on Robin Jason.
I mean Jason is OOC, we know this, but he has to be that way in order to make Batman look better when compared to a child. DC hates Jason Todd #Confirmed.
It kinda reminds me of that thing DC does with Dick and Barbara, Dick is skilled and smart as long as Barbara isn’t in the room, if she is then Dick will forget to check if there is someone inside his apartment and then be thrown across the room by her and then be told that he sucks at putting security in his living space.
Moving on...back to the present one last time Jason is interrogating a man while he dangles him from the edge of a building (did Dick teach him that? I bet he did.) After getting some information he calls Oracle so he can make sure that the place he is going to is safe. Oracle tells him the she will help him but she did not like the fact that the last time she helped him someone ended up dead.
Now, fair warning, Barbara and Jason big NO for me and after Geoff Johns and his antics in Three Jokers I have zero love for their “team-ups”.
Jason says this,
Believing in him? Excuse me? Chonky, baby, she only helped you find a building.
All I can do at this point is pray to whichever god or whoever hears that this does not lead to Jason pinning for Barbara. We don’t need it (Barbara doesnt need it), I might be overreacting, I hope I am, but nobody wants that kind of drama right now, thanks.
When he arrives to the place he was looking for I think everyone can tell that it’s a trap, everyone but Jason apparently.
How on earth does Jason not realize it’s a trap up until it’s too late? Are you joking? Is this a Red Hood story? Are we really doing this? Just how incompetent is Jason in Zdarsky’s eyes?
Freeze…is it Freeze? I don’t care but he is there, he freezes Jason and that’s the end of the issue.
Listen, I wish I could say that this is the worst Jason has been treated and that this book is horrible, I wish but I can’t. I can’t do it because this isn’t the worst characterization or book of Jason, this is still a pretty good story, could it be better? Yes.
I mean this story is written by someone who obviously doesn’t know Jason and that sucks but it still isnt the worst characterization and it messes me up. Three Jokers was worse than this, certain plot decisions in Future State: Red Hood were worse than this (in my opinion) and Lobdell’s New52 RHatO was pure trash (that is the worst book, just horrible please dont read it).
I am saying this only to make it clear that even tho this issue was painful (mostly if you don’t like Batman) I still have hope that it can turn out to be good. I cant help it, i want and need this story to be good and there is still time for it to get better.
Alright thats all i have to say, let me know what you thought about this issue and my review, bye!
#jason todd#red hood#batman urban legends#urban legends red hood#dc comics#red hood outlaw#robin jason todd
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Excel, Word, Access, Outlook
Previously on computer literacy: A Test For Computer Literacy
If you’re a computer programmer, you sometimes hear other programmers complain about Excel, because it mixes data and code, or about Word, because it mixes text and formatting, and nobody ever uses Word and Excel properly.
If you’re a computer programmer, you frequently hear UX experts praise the way Excel allows non-programmers to write whole applications without help from the IT department. Excel is a great tool for normal people and power users, I often hear.
I have never seen anybody who wasn’t already versed in a real programming language write a complex application in an Excel spreadsheet. I have never seen anybody who was not a programmer or trained in Excel fill in a spreadsheet and send it back correctly.
Computer programmers complain about the inaccessibility of Excel, the lack of discoverability, the mixing of code and data in documents that makes versioning applications a proper nightmare, the influence of the cell structure on code structure, and the destructive automatic casting of cell data into datatypes.
UX experts praise Excel for giving power to non-programmers, but I never met a non-programmer who used Excel “properly”, never mind developed an application in it. I met non-programmers who used SPSS, Mathematica, or Matlab properly a handful of times, but even these people are getting rarer and rarer in the age of Julia, NumPy, SymPy, Octave, and R. Myself, I have actually had to learn how to use Excel in school, in seventh grade. I suspect that half of the “basic computer usage” curriculum was the result of a lobbying campaign by Microsoft’s German branch, because we had to learn about certain features in Word, Excel, and PowerPoint on Windows 95, and non-Microsoft applications were conspicuously absent.
Visual Basic and VBS seemed like a natural choice to give power to end users in the 90s. People who had already used a home computer during the 8-bit/16-bit era (or even an IBM-compatible PC) were familiar with BASIC because that was how end-users were originally supposed to interact with their computers. BASIC was for end users, and machine code/compiled languages were for “real programmers” - BASIC was documented in the manual that came with your home computer, machine code was documented in MOS data sheets. From today’s point of view, programming in BASIC is real programming. Calling Visual Basic or .Net scripting in Excel “not programming“ misrepresents what modern programmers do, and what GUI users have come to expect after the year 2000.
Excel is not very intuitive or beginner-friendly. The “basic computer usage” curriculum was scrapped shortly after I took it, so I had many opportunities to observe people who were two years younger than me try to use Excel by experimenting with the GUI alone.
The same goes fro Microsoft Word. A friend of mine insists that nobody ever uses Word properly, because Word can do ligatures and good typesetting now, as well as footnotes, chapters, outline note taking, and so on. You just need to configure it right. If people used Word properly, they wouldn’t need LaTeX or Markdown. That friend is already a programmer. All the people I know who use Word use WYSIWYG text styling, fonts, alignment, tables, that sort of thing. In order to use Word “properly“, you’d have to use footnotes, chapter marks, and style sheets. The most “power user” thing I have ever seen an end user do was when my father bought a CD in 1995 with 300 Word templates for all sorts of occasions - birthday party invitation, employee of the month certificate, marathon completion certificate, time table, cooking recipe, invoice, cover letter - to fill in and print out.
Unlike Excel, nobody even claims that non-programmer end users do great things in Word. Word is almost never the right program when you have email, calendars, wikis, to-do lists/Kanban/note taking, DTP, vector graphics, mind mapping/outline editors, programmer’s plain text editors, dedicated novelist/screenwriting software, and typesetting/document preparation systems like LaTeX. Nobody disputes that plain text, a wiki, or a virtual Kanban board is often preferable to a .doc or .docx file in a shared folder. Word is still ubiquitous, but so are browsers.
Word is not seen as a liberating tool that enables end-user computing, but as a program you need to have but rarely use, except when you write a letter you have to print out, or when you need to collaborate with people who insist on e-mailing documents back and forth.
I never met an end user who actually liked Outlook enough to use it for personal correspondence. It was always mandated by an institution or an employer, maintained by an IT department, and they either provided training or assumed you already had had training. Outlook has all these features, but neither IT departments nor end users seemed to like them. Outlook is top-down mandated legibility and uniformity.
Lastly, there is Microsoft Access. Sometimes people confused Excel and Access because both have tables, so at some point Microsoft caved in and made Excel understand SQL queries, but Excel is still not a database. Access is a database product, designed to compete with products like dBase, Cornerstone, and FileMaker. It has an integrated editor for the database schema and a GUI builder to create forms and reports. It is not a networked database, but it can be used to run SQL queries on a local database, and multiple users can open the same database file if it is on a shared SMB folder. It is not something you can pick up on one afternoon to code your company’s billing and invoicing system. You could probably use it to catalogue your Funko-Pop collection, or to keep track of the inventory, lending and book returns of a municipal library, as long as the database is only kept on one computer. As soon as you want to manage a mobile library or multiple branches, you would have to ditch Access for a real SQL RDBMS.
Microsoft Access was marketed as a tool for end-user computing, but nobody really believed it. To me, Access was SQL with training wheels in computer science class, before we graduated to MySQL and then later to Postgres and DB2. UX experts never tout Access as a big success story in end-user computing - yet they do so for Excel.
The narrative around Excel is quite different from the narrative around Yahoo Pipes, IFTTT, AppleScript, HyperCard, Processing, or LabView. The narrative goes like this: “Excel empowers users in big, bureaucratic organisations, and allows them to write limited applications to solve business problems, and share them with co-workers.”
Excel is not a good tool for finance, simulations, genetics, or psychology research, but it is most likely installed on every PC in your organisation already. You’re not allowed to share .exe files, but you are allowed to share spreadsheets. Excel is an exchange format for applications. Excel files are not centrally controlled, like Outlook servers or ERP systems, and they are not legible to management. Excel is ubiquitous. Excel is a ubiquitous runtime and development environment that allows end-users to create small applications to perform simple calculations for their jobs.
Excel is a tool for office workers to write applications to calculate things, but not without programming, but without involving the IT department. The IT department would like all forms to be running on some central platform, all data to be in the data warehouse/OLAP platform/ERP system - not because they want to make the data legible and accessible, but because they want to minimise the number of business-critical machines and points of failure, because important applications should either run on servers in a server rack, or be distributed to workstations by IT.
Management wants all knowledge to be formalised so the next guy can pick up where you left off when you quit. For this reason, wikis, slack, tickets and kanban boards are preferable to Word documents in shared folders. The IT department calls end-user computing “rogue servers“ or “shadow IT“. They want all IT to have version control, unit tests, backups, monitoring, and a handbook. Accounting/controlling thinks end-user computing is a compliance nightmare. They want all software to be documented, secured, and budgeted for. Upper management wants all IT to be run by the IT department, and all information integrated into their reporting solution that generates these colourful graphs. Middle management wants their people to get some work done.
Somebody somewhere in the C-suite is always viewing IT as a cost centre, trying to fire IT people and to scale down the server room. This looks great on paper, because the savings in servers, admins, and tech support are externalised to other departments in the form of increased paperwork, time wasted on help hotlines, and
Excel is dominating end-user computing because of social reasons and workplace politics. Excel is not dominating end-user computing because it is actually easy to pick up for end-users.
Excel is dominating end-user computing neither because it is actually easy to pick up for non-programmers nor easy to use for end-users.
This is rather obvious to all the people who teach human-computer interaction at universities, to the people who write books about usability, and the people who work in IT departments. Maybe it is not quite as obvious to people who use Excel. Excel is not easy to use. It’s not obvious when you read a book on human-computer interaction (HCI), industrial design, or user experience (UX). Excel is always used as the go-to example of end-user computing, an example of a tool that “empowers users”. If you read between the lines, you know that the experts know that Excel is not actually a good role model you should try to emulate.
Excel is often called a “no code“ tool to make “small applications“, but that is also not true. “No Code” tools usually require users to write code, but they use point-and-click, drag-and-drop, natural language programming, or connecting boxes by drawing lines to avoid the syntax of programming languages. Excel avoids complex syntax by breaking everything up into small cells. Excel avoids iteration or recursion by letting users copy-paste formulas into cells and filling formulas in adjacent cells automatically. Excel does not have a debugger, but shows you intermediate results by showing the numbers/values in the cells by default, and the code in the cells only if you click.
All this makes Excel more like GameMaker or ClickTeam Fusion than like Twine. Excel is a tool that doesn’t scare users away with text editors, but that’s not why people use it. It that were the reason, we would be writing business tools and productivity software in GameMaker.
The next time you read or hear about the amazing usability of Excel, take it with a grain of salt! It’s just barely usable enough.
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Is it too late to ask for more asks? 'Cos if not how about (separate pls), 2, 20, 43, 70, 77, 87, 95, 100 if possible? Thanks, I love your writing and all your AO3 fics, they are just so well written.
Last one! Anon I won't do all of these, as some were requested in previous asks, and I have written a bit too much over this week, but here's one last one for this fic game. Consider it a preview? A taster? A possibility? Of a fic I wanna write over the winter. Subject to many changes certainly, or not being written at all. I dunno. Anyway, last one! The fics from the past two weeks will be going up on Ao3 over the weekend, thank you for playing guys!
Birthday Ask Game
70. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”
He found her in the library. He should have expected as much. It was where they first met, where they had spent most of their time getting to know each other. It was where Tim had developed a crush on her, guiltily broken up with his boyfriend, met her boyfriend, learned she was Robin, learned that her boyfriend was about six stops from crazy town, had their first kiss, first fight… honestly, how Miss Gordon hadn’t fired Stephanie and banned Tim for life was beyond him.
Still, his heart broke as he wandered up into the reference library, and found her crumpled up on the floor, tucked away and hidden in an aisle that was so rarely visited. She had a textbook of some kind open on her lap, and her cheeks were ruddy and wet.
“Steph…” Tim whispered.
She looked up at him, mournful but not surprised, then returned to reading. She spoke quietly, and Tim stood still at the end of the aisle, listening intently to her speech.
“You know, they once did group therapy sessions, at some Ivy League school, for people with narcissistic personality disorder. It took three weeks before their first names were mentioned. That’s how self-involved they can be. I mean, it’s not malicious always. Not in that group, definitely. It just never crossed their minds to ask what the other members were called. They’re not bad people. One person left and never came back because the group leader yawned, and they thought it was at them, despite them not even speaking at the time. They were so embarrassed at the thought that they were being made fun of. And we all think like that sometimes, right? That anxiety and worry at how others see you. But you try and remind yourself, the world and its people don’t revolve around you. You train yourself to learn perspective. So… it’s not that they’re bad people, it’s just… certain behaviours can crop up. And if no-one calls it out, or, worse, if they’re rewarded for thinking and behaving a certain way… why change? You know? It can lead to entitlement, and jealousy, and manipulative behaviour. You can’t control your emotions and how you feel a lot of the time, but you can… you can control your actions and behaviour. At least, that’s what I think.”
Tim moved to sit next to her. He closed the heavy book, then took her hand.
“You aren’t responsible for him. What he did. What he said. What he will keep doing.”
She nodded, gnawing her lip. She had a feeling Bruce would disagree. Weakly, she muttered a simple, “Yeah.”
Daringly, Tim reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He didn’t miss the way she leaned towards his hand as he did so.
“And no playing armchair psychologist Steph. No good comes of that. The guy is not your responsibility. Nothing you could have said or done would have made him… made him better.”
She screwed up her eyes. “Yeah.”
Tim looked up and down the aisle, hearing no-one else wandering around. “Did you come here for the quiet?” he asked. “Do you want to go back to your dorm?”
“I don’t feel safe there anymore.”
Stephanie scrubbed at her red eyes, and Tim's heart broke.
“Mine then?”
Her expression splintered, and she gave a horrible wheezy breath, air strangling in her throat. She gaped at him, disbelieving.
“You can’t want anything to do with me after all of this.”
“What? Will you consider me as crazy as one of your psychology case studies if I say yes?”
“That’s a shitty thing to say. It’s not a joke, Tim,” she chided. “Don’t say things like that. My ex, my… my job. You nearly died. For the sake of what?”
“For you.”
What he intended to be reassuring only further distressed her. “Stop it.”
“I’m not lying,” he urged, voice rising a bit too high. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”
“Oh! Oh! Oh my God.” She began to fidget, tossing the book far away from herself, fingers twitching wildly and gasping wildly, like there wasn't enough air in the room.
“I’m serious!”
Her eyes, pretty blue eyes, were as wide as dinner plates when she responded, voice a paradoxically loud hiss. “I know you are! But what on Earth are you doing saying it like that? You can't just... declare things in that manner!”
“What? Honestly?” He watched as Stephanie got to her feet, marching up and down the aisle. She stepped so firmly she was leaving imprints in the stained carpet. He remained cross legged on the floor. “I wouldn’t have put myself through that if I didn’t think you were worth it. I love you Steph. I want to help people. I think we can do that together.”
She stopped her incessant marching at the end of the aisle, and looked back at him. The affection was shining in her eyes.
“I love you too,” she whispered, only to resume marching. “But”-
“But…” Tim quietly repeated.
“But you two need to leave. We’re closing in five minutes.”
The pair jumped, Stephanie squeaking, Tim leaping to his feet. A wheelchair rolled into view at Stephanie’s end of the aisle, and Miss Gordon was staring at them, unimpressed.
“Bad breakups and tortured declarations are all very fitting of this setting, but it’s past ten. Go home already, Stephanie.”
“But Babs”—
Barbara blinked behind her thick glasses. Her hair was sticking up at odd angles, and there were distinct dark circles reaching her cheek bones. Seemed she’d had a rough day too.
“For the love of God, Stephanie. There’s a nice boy wanting to help you. Maybe say yes and stop overcomplicating things, hmm?”
The two women had some unspoken conversation, until finally, Barbara rolled backwards, away and out of sight.
“Get out of my library you two! Come on lovebirds! Hurry up!” she called. There was a threat in her tone, but also something maternal and good humoured too.
Stephanie whirled back around, having been forced into a decision by the college librarian. “I’ll go to yours if you promise no funny business.”
Tim shook his head and held up his hands. “I’ll be saint-like.”
Stephanie narrowed her eyes. “You’re not a member of some weird cult?”
“Not even Scientology.”
“You’re not interested in me because of… my-my boss… are you?”
Tim clicked his tongue. “He’s more of a negative than a perk to being with you. To be honest.”
“And you won’t go after any friends of mine if we have a fight?”
“Friends? Not… not more?”
Stephanie pressed her hands to her mouth and nose, cupping her face so he couldn’t see her blush.
“Stop flirting.”
Tim took off his denim jacket, holding out the arms for her. “Can’t help it. I said I’d be saint-like, not made of stone. Come on, it’s cold out.”
She observed him for a short while, a tentative hopefulness in her expression. Tim resolved to nurture it. Slowly, she nodded, smiling softly to herself, and allowed him to slide her arms into the sleeves. Pulling it in close, she inhaled deeply. Tim grinned jauntily.
“Let’s go home?”
She leapt into his arms. He caught her and squeezed tight. It felt like he had been doing the action for all his life, so easily and comfortably she fit in his hold. He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied,
“Home.”
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SHOW ME THE STARS - a poe dameron x f!reader fic
rating: m - for some smut, but this is like 95% fluff
word count: 16k
summary: you’re a mechanic that just got a new assignment - working on your crush poe dameron’s ship.
a/n: this is completely canon divergent. it’s very loosely following the story line of the films so just toss out what you know of canon reading this!! i want to give a huge shout out to @pascalispedro for listening to me blab about this fic and the support, and to @damndamer0n for all your poe advice!!! this is one of the longest fics i’ve written and i worked so hard!! this is my first poe fic ever so feedback would be much appreciated!! thank you!!
Show Me the Stars
You’re scared to fly. You prefer your feet to be on the ground. That’s the natural order of things. There’s never been a time where you’ve been on a ship where you weren’t apprehensive or scared. You thought maybe it would help if you understood more about how things worked with flying, but when that didn’t click for you, the next step was learning about the machines themselves. So that’s what you do. You know just about everything there is to know about how ships work, but you have no desire to fly one on your own, and you still don’t like being out in space.
As a kid, this wasn’t much of an issue. You stayed grounded. But when the First Order came in and took your family from you, you joined the Resistance. Offering your services as a mechanic and maintenance worker.
Your job has its challenges, but there are days when it’s rather easy. Luckily a good portion of the pilots know as much if not more than you, and they take good care of their equipment. Some days your job is as simple as giving the ships a once over and maybe cleaning up some of the carbon scoring that’s gunked up.
You work with a team, and you’ve just been given a new assignment. The war is ending. At first it seems strange to get a new assignment so close to the end, but it’s an assignment you’ve been wanting for a long time.
Your group has been assigned to the X-Wing squadron. When you were given these orders, you felt your stomach drop and your heart leap at the same time.
That’s where he is.
Poe Dameron.
The absolute love of your life that you’ve spoken to maybe twice in your time with the Resistance.
He has a reputation of being a playboy, but that’s not something you’ve ever paid much attention to. All you see in him is the warmth of his smile. The passion in his eyes. You’ve heard him when he gets riled up about something, he cares so much about the Resistance. He won’t back down.
You’ve also noticed his wonderful curls, and the dark stubble covered jaw. The way his smile catches in the sunlight. His thick thighs and you blush when you catch yourself staring at his ass.
You know most people are in love with him. You’re one in a crowd. And despite his reputation, you’ve never actually seen what people are talking about? Maybe you’re just not around him enough to see the lovers he takes, but maybe you’ll get that chance to see, or to be one.
You know you don’t want to just be a notch in his belt, another lover that passes by to someone new. But you’re not ready to see him flirt with other members of your team.
You’re getting ahead of yourself. You’ve only just been given this assignment.
You are to report to the X-Wing hanger of the base first thing in the morning. This is guaranteed a chance to see Poe on a more regular basis, that’s one thing that’s certain. Whether or not you’ll talk to him is another story.
“What are you thinking about over there Ms. Deep in Thought?” your roommate, Corelle’s voice interrupts your thinking. You’ve been lying on your bed looking up at the ceiling for too long.
“Oh, nothing,” you laugh sheepishly, sitting up. You sit up too fast and the blood goes to your head, you feel a slight twinge of a headache. That’s not what you need right now.
“I know that look,” Corelle laughs. “When are you gonna tell me who he is?”
You bite your lower lip. Corelle has the biggest mouth on this base. She’s a wonderful friend, but you cannot tell her about your crush on Poe. Or she’ll tell him for you.
Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad idea, but if he doesn’t like you back then it would be embarrassing.
“I won’t tell!” you laugh brushing her off. You know she means no harm, but you’ve gotten good at avoiding her questions. You’d played all the games; she’s named everyone on this base. But since you were laughing the whole time anyways, you were able to play off when she asked if it was Poe. That was ages ago now. You’re in it deeper than you were then. If she asked again you might not be able to hide it.
You haven’t felt like this since you were a young girl with a crush back on your home world, before all this began.
“Seriously, though what’s wrong?” she asks. “You look stressed.”
“Well you know we got that new assignment?” you’re choosing your words carefully.
“Is he gonna be there?” she sits up on her bed asking excitedly.
“I didn’t say that!” you laugh, feeling flustered. This is too close to comfort. “It’s just jitters I think before a new job. There’s talk the war is almost over and I don’t want to mess this up so close to the end.”
“He’s there. And I’m gonna find out who he is,” she points and smiles. You roll your eyes and flop back down on your bed to hide under your covers.
“I’ll never tell,” you laugh.
“Hey,” she says, her voice serious. “I understand the jitters. It’ll be fine. Hopefully this will all be over soon, and you can settle down with this mystery man.”
You’re not lying, it is jitters for working in a new part of the base. Every piece of the puzzle in the Resistance is important for the cause. You don’t want to be a reason for any losses. Not now, so close to the end.
Those jitters keep you up most of the night. You lay awake staring at the ceiling. Your roommate sound asleep, not a care in the world. You admire her strength, she’d say the same about you, but you don’t feel strong right now.
Your previous assignment was a part of the Y-Wing squadron. Each mechanic was assigned to a group of Y-Wings. You know how this works. You pray to be assigned to Poe’s ship; you just have to be assigned to him! You got to be close with the pilots in the Y-Wing squadron. There’s not as many of them now. That’s why you’re being transferred to the X-Wings. Which is another thing on your mind. No one prepared you for the grief that would come with losing pilots, your friends. You’re not a solider. You joined the cause to fight back for what you lost, who you lost. You didn’t think about losing anyone else. And that thought haunts you. Poe is the best pilot out there, he’s brave. Maybe too brave. He gets himself in dangerous situations, and you worry about him. He’s not yours to worry about, but you worry about them all every time they go up.
You hate flying.
But it certainly won’t stop you from doing your job and making sure those who fly are safe. You’re known among your team to take the longest to do routine checks. Everything needs to run right so the pilot can be as safe as possible.
Luckily for you, your attention to detail and care for ships gets you what you want.
That morning in the main hangar, your team leader is handing out assignments. He calls your last name, and simply says, “You get Dameron,” and he points over in the direction of Poe’s black X-Wing.
You try not to react in front of your team, you just nod and say, “Yes, sir.” But inside your blood is pounding and your ears are ringing. You’re exhausted from your lack of sleep, and now you feel dizzy with excitement over this assignment. You smile inwardly at hearing some buzz through the team when Poe’s ship is assigned to you. But with it comes a weight, you know you have a job to do and it’s not one you take lightly. Poe is the best, and he deserves the best from you, and that’s what you’re gonna give.
And just hope he notices you in the process. Is that so wrong?
When the team disperses, you head straight for Poe’s X-Wing. It feels like an extension of him, and there’s almost a thrill when you approach. You place a hand on the cool metal with reverence. You don’t know how someone could willingly get inside this thing. Never mind being shot at. And you see blaster marks covering this ship. Scarring on an old worn machine. Some are old, some are new.
You begin to familiarize yourself with the ship and the equipment. Structurally it’s different than the Y-Wings, but it’s similar enough you can figure it out. You would like to talk to Poe about his ship though and get any specifics you need to know.
From the looks of things, he keeps things tidy. Other than the blaster burns and some carbon scoring from a recent flight, it’s clean. All that’s left for you to do is tighten some bolts and scrub out some of carbon scoring.
Your work for the day is pretty much done, but you haven’t seen Poe yet. Looking around you’ve seen most of the other pilots’ trickle in and checking things over. When there’s not a battle going on, it’s always encouraged to act as though one could happen any moment. Maintenance and routine checks are common. Keeps people busy during the in between moments.
Since Poe is nowhere to be found, you’re making yourself at home on his X-Wing. You’re on top of it now, cleaning the window. From your perch, you can see when he walks in. Your stomach drops and your heart starts to pound in your ears. What do you do? Do you just keep scrubbing and act cool? Or should you get down to greet him??
Instead you do none of those things and freeze, staring at him as he walks in the main hanger door. BB-8 is rolling along at his heels. Poe has an easy smile on his face, and he waves a greeting at some fellow pilots he passes. As he gets closer, he sees you, and you make quick to get back to work. You don’t want to look like you were staring.
“Hey!” you hear a voice call down to you. He’s talking to you, you’re panicking.
You lean over a little to see him standing on the ground below. His brows are knitted together, but he’s not angry.
“You didn’t have to do that!” he points up to you cleaning the window. BB-8 beeps beside him. Poe looks down and says something, but you don’t catch it. You’re focusing on climbing down and not falling on your face.
You manage to hop down the ladder with relative ease, even though he was watching. You inwardly groan because this jumpsuit of yours is not exactly flattering.
When you finally are face to face with him, it’s like a gut punch. His eyes are so big and gentle. His curls are a wonderful mess. You have to speak before he suspects something.
“It’s my job,” you tell him, “to clean the windows. And do maintenance.” You slap the rag over your shoulder, and in the process, water drops fling from it and land on his face, and the rag hits your shoulder with a loud wet slop. This is not going well. “I’m so sorry!” you gasp watching him blink rapidly from the shock of water in his eye. You can feel your face get hot, but he only smiles, a little chuckle escapes his lips.
“It’s just water,” he shrugs and wipes his face dry with his sleeve. “Thank you,” he says then, “for cleaning the window.” Then he says your name, which you weren’t sure if he even remembered. “That is your name, right?” he winces afraid to be wrong.
“Yeah,” you smile, “it is.”
“I’m Poe,” he sticks out his hand and you shake it even though your hands are wet and greasy.
“I know,” you smile back. “I’m your new mechanic. I’ve been assigned to help you work maintenance on your ship.”
He nods a quick nod; he’s listening while he reaches for the ladder to climb in the cockpit. He doesn’t seem to notice that his hand is now covered in some black grease.
“I’m glad to have the help!” he calls down to you. “I know my ship, but I’m not a great mechanic. There’s always more to learn.” You watch him nervously as he inspects his ship. “Wow, these windows look fantastic!” he calls down to you. “What else did you do??” he leans over the edge of the cockpit, looking down at you. You smile when you see his smile in your direction. He runs a hand through his curls, grinning.
You tell him, and then ask him some more detailed questions about the ship. For being this hotshot pilot, everyone talks about - he’s very gracious about your helping him. He even apologizes for arriving late and not helping you with some of the work himself.
That night you go back to your room with a smile on your face that you couldn’t hide if you tried.
“So,” Corelle grins, seeing you walk in. “I should’ve known it was Poe.” She shakes her head, but she’s smiling.
“It’s not- I didn’t-” you start but she stops you by holding her hand up.
“Don’t deny it, I saw you today at his X-Wing. You were positively glowing.”
“That bad?” you whine and flop down on your bed. You realize now how exhausted you are from the day. You got very little sleep last night, and today with all the Poe excitement, you’re beat.
“Ohh yeah,” she laughs. “But I wouldn’t call it bad? It was sweet. He was responding to you. I saw his smile too.”
“Yeah?” you ask lifting your head up from your bed to look her way. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you? He smiles at everyone.”
“Not like he did at you today,” she says in a singsong voice. “I saw the way he raked his hand through those beautiful curls! And how lucky are you that you got assigned to his ship huh?? Destiny wants you together.”
“Promise me that you won’t say anything, please?”
“Don’t worry!”
From anyone else, that would do little to ease worry, but from her, you know you’re safe. She’s not who you have to worry about now, it’s yourself. You’re not even sure what to do now.
There’s no time for love in this fight.
“What did you say?”
“There isn’t time for love in this fight,” you sigh. “What chance do I have here?”
“Stop right there. You’re wrong. This is exactly the time for love. That’s what we’re fighting for isn’t it? We all need something good, a reason to fight for. If you’re worried about him being too reckless up there, give him a reason to want to come back home.”
“Well then what do I do?”
“You have to tell him.”
You don’t tell him. You like things the way they are. You like greeting him in the mornings and helping him with the ship. You like hearing him tell stories and making you laugh. You like the way his dimples pop when he laughs at BB-8. He’s nice to you, warm. You don’t want to lose it.
You like this attention.
“Yes, but it could be better,” you can hear Corelle say. “You like the attention but you’re not happy.”
And you hate to admit that she’s right. You’re full of an ache. He’s not yours. Yes, you have formed quite a friendship. You even have a couple inside jokes, and he smiles at you from across the room. But you’re not his.
When he touches your arm or your shoulder, your insides quiver. When he gives you a little wink, you feel a rush of warmth to you face.
But when you’ve seen him flirt with others, you feel a pang of jealousy. You go back to your room and your roommate has to console your aching heart.
“Promise me you’ll say something the next time you see him. You’ve been like this for weeks now. When will you see him again?”
“Tomorrow.”
He’s going on a recon mission. He’d been chosen because of his stealth flying skills. In and out is what he said.
You ran diagnostics most of the day, making sure the tank was full of fuel and every little nut and bolt is screwed down tight. Everything is clean and ready. You’re there early before he is, giving everything a once over just to be sure.
“There she is!” you hear Poe’s voice loud and clear through the hanger. Of course, he’s a morning person. “Everything ready to go?”
You turn to see him in his orange flight suit, black helmet in his hand. BB-8 is close behind.
“All ready! Are you ready?” you ask him. He puts on his helmet and gives you a confident nod, he scrunches his nose up with the smile he gives. He starts to climb the ladder into the cockpit, but you stop him. “Poe?”
His head whips around at the sound of concern in your voice.
“Be careful?”
He gives a little wink in response and calls down, “I will!”
And before you know it, he’s off. All you can do now is stand back and watch the ship roar to life and take off. Your eyes follow it up into the sky as best you can, and soon he’s nothing more than a twinkle disappearing into the far reaches of space.
Thanks to lightspeed, if everything goes well, he’ll be back in a couple hours. So, you busy yourself with other work in the meantime. For now, that’s making sure everything is ready for his return.
You’re working up a sweat moving around making sure everything is perfect. Your nerves have your stomach in knots, you don’t even realize how hungry you are.
“Take a break,” your supervisor calls in your direction, “I wouldn’t worry about him. He’s the best pilot there is.”
For a beat you think, does your supervisor know about your crush?
“I know you’ve lost pilots before, none of it was your fault. You’re the best at what you do. That’s why we put you with Dameron. Go get something to eat.”
You nod, wiping your greasy hands on your jumpsuit. Food would be good, something to settle your stomach.
It’s not regular eating hours, but the cantina still has people getting meals. Not everyone gets to keep normal hours under these circumstances.
Feeling hungry now, you don’t care what it is you eat. You just go for the first meal option and take your seat.
It’s not til you take a bite do you remember this was a meal you’d shared with Poe before. It was a couple weeks back, and you’d been working hard on the ship. There was a part of the wing that wasn’t working the way it should. It was a tedious task and the two of you spent most of the day working on it. Really it was just Poe handing you tools and holding things steady for you and asking questions of what it was exactly you were doing so he could learn.
At one point he’d taken a break to get you both food, and he brought it back to you. You’d shared the meal together while sitting on top of the X-Wing.
“I’m sorry this tastes terrible,” he had laughed, “I just grabbed the first thing I saw.”
“I didn’t want to say anything but no this isn’t good,” you had laughed back.
You’ll never forget his smile after you laughed. But somehow you forgot this food didn’t taste good and you got it again, but the memory was sweet enough to compensate.
You finish the meal quickly, not wanting to miss him coming back. You can tell pilots from the mission are returning, because you see a group of people heading in the direction of the main hangar. Taking that as your cue, you toss your trash and exit the cantina.
You spot Poe’s X-Wing in the hangar right away, and relief washes over you. He’s safe. From a distance, you can see him climbing out of the ship. You can see him looking around, he’s looking for someone. Other pilots pass him by and give him a pat on the back, he smiles politely, but then that look of concern is back on his brow while he’s scanning the crowd.
He’s looking for you.
You only know because when he makes eye contact with you, his face lights up, and he starts to jog in your direction. He calls your name and pulls you into his arms for a massive hug. It’s so sudden it jostles you. His vest is pressing hard into your chest and he smears sweat from his face onto your cheek. His arms squeeze you so tight it almost hurts, but this is the best moment of your life, what is pain??
Burying your face in the crook of his neck, you breathe deeply. His flight suit is bunching up in your fists as you squeeze him back.
“You really are my good luck charm,” he says pulling away, smile still on his face. “I don’t know what it is that you’ve done but she flies better than she has in a long time.”
“It’s just a machine,” you shrug, “I think it has everything to do with the pilot.” You lightly bump his chest with your fist. “I’m glad you’re back safe.”
You don’t know at the time, but what you said hit Poe in the gut like a speeder crashing into a wall.
“I think it has everything to do with you,” his voice is quiet, uncharacteristically so. He holds your gaze for a moment.
“I’m happy to help!” you reply, not sure what he’s talking about. He blinks rapidly when you speak, as if you just pulled him out of a deep thought.
“I have to go to a debriefing, but later there’s something we need to fix,” he nods his head towards the ship. You nod in agreement. You’ve gotten more comfortable around him, but your insides still jump at the thought of getting to be with him again. And your head is still reeling from that hug.
Right now, there is nothing for you to do until he gets done. It will have to be later, because the ship is too hot to work on. You can already see some places that need to be patched up. No matter how good a pilot he is, small debris can cause big damage.
“Just come find me when you’re done!” you tell him.
Heading back to your room, a friend passes by with a smile. It’s a knowing smile that stops you in your tracks. She tugs on your sleeve of your work jumpsuit.
“What did you say to him?” she asks with a whisper.
“What?” you’re confused, “Nothing out of the ordinary? Why?”
“He gave you the look as you were walking away.”
“What look?” you feel your face heating up, and your voice shakes a little.
“He wanted you to turn around and look at him,” she pats you on the back and walks on by. Your knees feel weak and you feel lightheaded. Pilots and mechanics and all sorts of people are bustling past you, celebrating the success over the mission and getting ready for the next one. Your feet are frozen to the ground, as your friend walks on by.
You turn around, but Poe is already gone. Headed towards the command center to give his debriefing of the information during his recon flight.
The walk back to your quarters has your mind replaying the hug over and over. His sweat has dried now on your cheek, but it’s a memory you’ll cling to forever. He wanted to see you; he was looking for you. You haven’t been hugged like that in a long time. Now you know what it feels like to be in his arms, if not for just a brief moment in time.
Reaching your room, you punch in the keycode on the door and it opens with a hiss. Much to your disappointment, Corelle isn’t in. You have so much to tell her, but you guess it can wait.
You feel an anxious energy, you wish you had something to occupy your mind. On base, there is always something to be done. Therefore, people’s quarters are relatively bare. Some clothes and essentials and a bed. That’s all you need. If something happens, you have to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice.
With a sigh you sit on your bed, propping your leg up on your knee, you start to untie your boot when you hear a gentle knock on the door.
“Corelle,” you laugh, “the code number never changes!” you get up and push the door open expecting your roommate. Only to be greeted with your favorite pair of brown eyes in the galaxy.
“Hi.”
“Hi!” you answer back, a little surprised to see his face.
“You ready to go? I can come back?” he jerks his thumb over his shoulder.
“No, no! I’m ready just give me one second!” Walking back over to your bed you sit down to retie your boot while trying to remain calm that Poe Dameron is standing in your room. “Did the briefing go ok?” you ask trying to make conversation.
“General wants me to go back tomorrow. First thing.”
“Go back?” you ask standing up. No, no. “You just got back!”
“Today was recon. Tomorrow is a course of action. It’s simple enough.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“It’s always dangerous,” he shrugs with one shoulder. There’s a glint in his eye, he seems to like the thrill. “You ready?”
“Ready,” you nod and follow him out of your room. As you’re leaving, Corelle walks by and gives you a look. You shake your head ‘no’ signaling her not to do anything.
“Who’s that?” Poe asks after you’re out of earshot.
“My roommate,” you huff out a laugh. “Seriously Poe, should I be worried about you?”
“About me and your roommate?” he’s teasing, “nah. She’s not my type.”
“Poe, I mean it.”
“So do I,” he shrugs again.
“Poe!” you grab his arm and stop him in the hall. “I’m serious. How dangerous is this? I can’t- “
“Can’t what?” his hand reaches for your hand on his sleeve. The touch of his skin is warm.
“I can’t lose another one, I just can’t. Not you.” A small tear falls down your cheek, and with a gentle finger he sweeps it away.
“You’re not going to lose me.”
By now you’ve reached the hangar, and the ship has cooled enough to work on it. Immediately can see a hole on one of the wings. It’s an easy fix but you’ll have to rewire some things.
“That’s why I need you,” he points to the hole. “I don’t know how to rewire that. I’m here to help however you need.”
“I’ll need BB-8 to help me on this one. And some caf. Lots of caf.”
Poe nods and whistles. You hear BB-8 beep and roll in your direction.
“You help her, ok? Do whatever she says. I’ll be right back.”
BB-8 looks from Poe to you, then rolls up towards you. BB-8 makes a little beep, and you assume that means it’s alright. You grab your tools and BB-8 shines a light on the hole so you both can see the damage.
Poe comes back from the cantina with two metal cups of caf in his hands.
“It’s not very hot I’m afraid,” he says handing you a cup. Your fingers touch his and the warmth from his skin will always send shivers down your spine.
“It’s alright, I just need the caffeine.”
Poe takes a sip of his, and he frowns in distaste. He likes it hot. He smacks his lips and without a word, he holds the caf cup over to BB-8. To which then BB-8 sticks out an arm with a little flame on the it under Poe’s cup. You smile to see them so in sync. At the same time the flame extinguishes, and Poe brings the mug back to his lips. That’s not the first time they have done that.
“I could never do what you do,” Poe remarks leaning against the wing. He sips his caf watching you and BB-8 reconnect and meld wires together. “I know a little, just enough to get by. But not like that.” He motions towards the hole.
“It just takes practice. I could never do what you do,” you mimic him and nod your head in the direction of the ship’s cabin.
“Takes practice for that too. I grew up flying with my mom. I think I was 6 years old when I started learning?”
“So, you weren’t ever scared?” you put down the tool and lift your safety goggles to look at him.
“If I was, I don’t remember. But I’ll tell you a secret, I’m always a little scared before I go up.”
“Every time?”
“Every time,” he nods.
“That’s why I don’t want to fly. I’m too scared,” you admit. “I prefer to be on the ground.”
“Don’t you want to see the stars?” he asks, leaning forward a little. There’s no scoff in his tone, he isn’t bothered you don’t like to fly. “I’d like to show you the stars sometime.”
“I don’t mind looking from here,” you blush, his flirting is becoming a little more direct. Is this really happening?
“You know, you’d be in good hands. I’ll take care of you,” he sips his caf again. Is he talking about actual flight or something else?
“Are you making fun of me?” you laugh.
“I’m not I swear!” he laughs back. “If you want me to take you up there sometime, I’d be happy to that’s all. I could ease some of that fear you carry.”
“Ok,” you let out a shuddery breath, “when you come back from this next mission, I’ll let you take me up.”
His grin starts small and grows wide. “Alright!”
You shake your head with a laugh and put your goggles back on. You’re attaching the last wire when it shocks your fingertip. You hiss and pull your hand back and examine it. There’s a big red welp on the tip of your pointer finger. It stings. Wincing, you shake your hand, but then pull it back to your body to put pressure on it.
“Here,” Poe puts down his cup. “Let me see.”
You wince again sticking your hand out to his. He gingerly takes your hand in his and rubs his thumb over the welp.
“Ow!” you jerk back, but he only tightens his grip. His skin is so smooth, and you want to be mad at him, but you can’t because he’s holding your hand.
“Sorry,” he whispers back. He’s looking intently at your fingertip; his lashes look so beautiful, and you see a long crease run up the length of his forehead. Then in an unexpected move, he brings your hand to his mouth and he closes his lips around your finger. He soothes the burn with his tongue and the way he’s looking at you sends a jolt to your belly.
He pulls your finger from his lips with a slight pop, and you’re completely stunned. His grin is slight, but devilish.
“I want you down here tomorrow before we leave. I need to see my good luck charm before I go,” there’s that smile again. One hand is still holding your injured one, his spit is beginning to dry in the cool night air on your finger. His other hand reaches up and tucks a fallen lock of hair back behind your ear. If you didn’t know any better, he was about to kiss you. You teeter backwards when you feel his thumb press on your pulse point on your wrist, and you bump your caf cup onto the floor. It falls with a loud clang, and the caf gets everywhere.
You pull from his grasp, the caf cup offering you an out. Not that you want to be out of his touch, but the way he’s looking at you is making your head spin. Surely your face must be on fire and he can see that he sparked the flame. His gaze is only further stoking the fire.
The caffeine and the adrenaline in your system has your head spinning and you barely remember the walk back to your room.
He’d casually winked and gave you a goodnight, acting as though he didn’t just suck on your finger and give you ideas of where else you’d like to feel his mouth.
“He’s just nervous before the mission tomorrow,” you tell Corelle. You’re still in shock, that has to be it right? He’s just nervous because he said he got nervous to fly and maybe he just flirts when he’s nervous? Right?
“Whoa,” Corelle laughs, “calm down!”
“I can’t calm down,” you sigh, pacing the floor of your small shared room.
“He obviously likes you. I mean come on, it’s right there plain as day! You have to tell him how you feel tomorrow.”
“Is this really happening?”
“He might be nervous before the mission, but did you ever think he’s trying to tell you how he feels before he leaves?”
“He sure has a funny way of doing it,” you flush, your finger still burns – not from the actual burn, but the burn from his lips.
“You’re not doing any better! Just go up to him and give him a big wet kiss before he leaves.”
“Oh, I am not doing that!”
“Why not? It’ll send the message loud and clear!”
“That’s not exactly how I want my first kiss to go…” you admit.
“It’s the perfect time- wait you mean your first one ever?” she asks. You shrug, you’re embarrassed. “Well then that’s absolutely the perfect time!!”
You bury your face in your hands with a sigh. This is not happening.
It’s another night of little sleep. Most of it’s due to caffeine, it’s been an exciting and overwhelming day to say the least.
When your eyes open in the morning, anxiety is pulling at your mind. Your stomach turns and your hands feel clammy. All throughout the night when you should’ve been asleep, you thought about what you’d like to say to him. You’re not sure you’ll have the guts to. You went over and over the argument in your mind, that he’s risking his life for the cause, and you can barely get out a few simple words.
The hallways to the hangar are already bustling this early. They all have a job to do. Your pulse is pounding in your ears, the energy is high on days like today, multiple emotions fill everyone’s minds. You have an added stress and you don’t know what to do about it. Well, you know what to do, but you’re afraid to do it.
You’re early, earlier than Poe. You assume he’s getting his orders; you don’t see any other pilots around yet in the hangar either.
You feel like you’re going to be sick, a cold sweat makes your skin feel clammy. You jump sky high when Corelle comes up behind you.
“Well??” she asks.
“Well what?” you shake your head and try to calm yourself down. You run your diagnostics while she follows you around. You already double checked everything last night, so this morning is just to run through one more time.
“Did you tell him???”
“No, he’s not even here yet. And what am I supposed to say? ‘Hi Poe, I’m in love with you! Be safe on your mission!’”
No sooner had the words left your lips did you hear the familiar rolling sound of BB-8. You glance down in horror to see the droid, he turns his little head, he obviously heard you.
“BB-8, please don’t- “you panic.
“’BB-8 please don’t’ what?” you hear Poe’s voice clear through all the chaos.
“Don’t- let anything happen to you!” you manage to get out. BB-8 beeps up at Poe, you don’t understand what the droid says. Poe’s eyebrows crease, he only nods at his droid companion.
“I’ll be fine,” he touches your arm. “Everything looking good?”
“You’re all ready to go!” you give him the confirmation. With that he starts to climb up the ladder to the cockpit. Your heart is beating so loud in your ears, you gotta tell him now. You could tell him when he comes back, but what if he doesn’t come back? “Poe, I-“ you have to yell now because the engines are powering up, and it’s loud. “Be careful!” you shout, and he gives you a little salute before the hatch slides closed.
It was all so loud, then comes the quiet after the ships all make the jump to lightspeed. There’s ringing in your ears from regret in the deafening silence. Tears begin to fall, and you cover your face with your hand.
“What’s wrong?” you hear a kind voice behind you. You sniffle and turn to see General Organa standing behind you, she places a gentle hand on your shoulder.
You swallow, trying to collect yourself. You’ve only spoken with her a few times, it’s always an honor.
“I’m in love with him,” your voice breaks. “And I didn’t even get to tell him. I had every opportunity.”
“He knows,” she pats your back with a smile, she speaks from experience. “I saw the way he looked at you. I know him well, and I know that look.”
You sniffle again, hoping she’s right.
“He’s also told me a lot about you. Says you’re the best mechanic he’s ever seen.”
“He told you about me?” your cheeks warm and she chuckles softly.
“You’ll have your hands full with that one, but he’s a good man. One of the best.” She knows more than she says, but you can tell from her tone that he cares for you too.
“How do you love someone who risks his life? Did you not worry?”
“I always worried. You must know why he’s in this fight. What he’s fighting for.”
Feeling comforted by her words, you thank her and take your leave. Going to the cantina, you meet up with other mechanics and others who must wait now for the pilots and ground fighters to return. There’s light chit-chat throughout the cantina, some people find it easier to talk and laugh to push past their obvious nerves. It’s a strange feeling, knowing you’re in the fight but you’re here, not out there doing it. You have no control over what happens, but you’ve done the best you can, and your role is still important.
You think back to when you first met Poe officially. It felt like ages ago when you were a new recruit. Your emotions still raw from losing your family to the First Order. You were among an early group in the Resistance. Poe and General Organa were there to greet everyone. You remember shaking Poe’s hand, and from then on, your crush had blossomed.
It seems like a lifetime ago, when you were just meeting him. Now you’re almost on the verge of tears again at the thought of losing him.
The rest of the day and the next are agony. Waiting for him and everyone to come back, just hoping everyone is safe – and knowing not everyone will return home.
Since your job is mechanics and maintenance, you’re not involved with a lot of the intel being shared. You only hear through others what’s going on. Normally you don’t particularly care, you have your job and that’s that. But right now, you’d do anything to know what’s going on and if Poe is safe. If this mission is as dangerous as you’ve heard, you want your anxieties eased.
The command center is in contact with the pilots, but you don’t have the clearance to go in. And your reasons are personal, not professional.
It’s been a few days now, and you find yourself in the cantina often. It’s the best place to glean information. Poe’s name has come up a few times, which you’ll take – it’s an indication he’s alive.
From what you’ve gathered, they will be returning to base this afternoon.
The last few days have gone by so slowly, especially with nothing to do. Then that afternoon comes, and things seem more accelerated. X-Wing and Y-Wing squadrons come in, then the ground troop transports. It’s an obvious victory because everyone is celebrating.
But in the chaos, you still haven’t seen Poe. You don’t see his X-Wing anywhere in the hangar. There’s a considerable number of them gone, killed in action. You feel tears prick up in your eyes, where is he?? There’s cheering and laughing all around you, but you won’t join in until you find him.
Through the hangar you can see outside the base, and several ships have landed there. Through the crowd of people and ships, you can see the familiar orange painted X-Wing you know like the back of your hand.
Running outside, you can see Poe climbing out of the ship down the ladder. Tears fall down your cheeks freely now, he’s back. You haven’t missed your chance.
He’s still a bit of a distance away, but through the crowd he sees you. His smile splits his face and he takes off in a run towards you. The tears keep falling and your vision is blurry, but it’s enough to see him run to you.
When he reaches you, he cups your face in his hands and kisses you deeply. One hand holds your face, then he wraps his other arm around cupping the back of your head. His chest his heaving as his lips move with yours. You’re still crying hugging him to you. Your fingers weave into his sweaty curls and he pulls back for air.
“Hi,” he whispers, chest still heaving.
“Hi,” you sniffle, still running your fingers through his hair. “Poe, listen I need to tell you-“
“I know,” he smiles, then laughs, “I know.” He presses a few more kisses to your lips then to your cheek. “BB-8 told me.”
You shake your head and look down at the little droid who is ‘hiding’ behind Poe’s leg.
“And I heard you,” his thumb rubs across your cheek.
Your cheeks warm and you avert your gaze.
“Hey,” he ducks his head, so you’ll look at him. “I feel the same about you, ya know.”
“You love me?” the words are caught in your throat.
“I do,” he laughs as if he can’t believe he’s finally getting to say it out loud, “I love you. I have for awhile now,” he smiles and averts his gaze for a beat, raking his hand through his curls. Is that shyness in his smile you see?
You don’t waste the opportunity to kiss him again. Your hands find his cheeks and you could die from finally getting to feel his stubble under your fingertips.
“I’m so glad you’re back safe,” you sigh, hugging him to you after the kiss. You’re not sure how long you’ve been in each other’s embrace, but you don’t care.
“It’s all because of you,” he murmurs in your ear, there’s a smile in his voice.
“I didn’t do anything different with the ship?”
“It has nothing to do with the ship,” he says pulling back to look at you, “it has everything to do with you. I needed to get back here to you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he kisses your cheek. “I need to go to the briefing, but I’ll be right back ok? Wait, how about you just come with me?”
“I thought I didn’t have the clearance for that?”
“Who said that?” his eyebrows crease, “you’re coming with.” He sticks out his hand and you take it. His fingers interlock with yours, and he pulls his hand up to kiss the back of your hand. “I need my good luck charm with me.”
He leads you by the hand to the command center. You’ve only been in here once or twice, you can’t remember. The leaders of the Resistance are standing around the circle in the middle of the room. General Organa is nearby, and when she sees your hand in Poe’s, she gives you a little wink.
It overwhelms you in the best way that Poe has just decided he wants to be seen with you. He doesn’t make a show of it, but he doesn’t hide when he presses a kiss to your cheek before leaving you to join the others in the middle of the room. You sit down not far behind him and listen.
You don’t understand most of what he says as far as technical battle things are concerned, but it doesn’t matter to you now. Your lips are tingling from the many kisses he’s already given you. And you have never liked the color orange as much as you do right now. His shoulders look so broad, and even though not many people look good in those orange flight suits, it cannot hide that he has a wonderful ass.
After the meeting is over and the crowd begins to mingle, Poe turns to find you. You’re quick to grab his hand again and lean onto his shoulder.
“Wanna get something to eat?” he asks, his voice low through the buzz of the crowd.
“Yes please, just don’t blindly pick something this time?” you tease elbowing him.
“Absolutely not!” he laughs, walking with you down to the cantina. Most people are heading there now, and you like being seen holding hands with him. As his mechanic, you’d been seen with him plenty, but not like this.
You get your food and sit down together in the crowded cantina. His right hand is busy with a fork, guiding food to his mouth, his left hand is gently resting on your thigh. He’s not teasing or squeezing. It’s just gently resting, he rubs his hand up and down a little, these small affectionate touches are going to kill you, you think.
It makes so much sense he’s like this. He goes all in, headfirst into everything. It makes sense now that you’re his – he’s showing it to you.
He is teasing you a little, if accidentally. But you suspect he knows. Because when his hand nears your upper thigh, it sends a shiver in between your legs and down to your toes. He sees the shiver out of the corner of his eye, and he smirks to himself.
“I knew it!” you hear a voice nearby, it’s a friend of Poe’s. A couple others stand nearby and exchange credits.
“Knew what?” you ask.
“How long it’d be before-“ he motions between the two of you. “We were waiting for Dameron to get his head out of the sky and do something,” he claps Poe on his shoulder. You flush, and Poe shakes his head with a shy smile.
You finish eating before him, he’s been busy chatting with you and friends who came to sit down with you. So, after you’re done and he’s finishing, you rest your head on his shoulder.
“Tired?” he murmurs, so only you can hear.
“A little. Not as tired as you are, I imagine!”
“Don’t fall asleep on me yet, sweetheart. I’ve got a surprise for you.” The pet name and the promise of surprise send a jolt right to your heart.
Just then, across the room, you see Corelle. Her eyes widen seeing your head on his shoulder, she gives you a look like “am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?”
You smile, and she gives you a big thumbs up. You can’t help but laugh.
“What is it?” Poe smiles hearing you laugh.
“My roommate, she’s been pushing me towards you since she knew about my crush.”
“You have a crush on me?” he teases and takes a bite of food, “that’s news to me.”
“Poe,” you laugh and sit up, playfully shoving his shoulder. He only chuckles fondly. He holds your gaze for a moment, his eyes soft. There’s that ever-present glint of the thrill, but his gaze is gentle. This is how he’s always looked at you. How are you just now seeing that this was a look of love? Were you so blind by your love for him that you didn’t realize he felt the same way back?
“You ready for your surprise now?” he pulls you from your thoughts, and you see his plate is clean.
“I don’t know, am I?” you raise an eyebrow in question.
“I guess we’ll see,” he grins and stands. He says goodbye to the people still eating and chatting. He takes your tray and stacks it on top of his to throw it out.
“You know,” he says taking your hand again. “I really do owe you.”
“For what?”
“Hearing that you love me, that was what was in my mind during the course of the mission. I had to get back to you. It was so strong. I’m only sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt before I left.”
“I suppose I knew too,” you lean into him, “Leia might have mentioned a few things.”
“She did?” he shakes his head.
“And well, your uh ‘remedy’ for my burnt finger was pretty telling.” His laugh is so loud it echoes down the hall. You’ve never seen him this happy before, and it’s all because of you. “Where are you taking me?”
“You’ll see!”
The path is familiar and it’s clear soon enough that he’s taking you out to the X-Wing.
“How is this a surprise? I’m too tired to check anything.”
“I am offended you would think that’s why I brought you out here,” he feigns being shocked. “I want to give you a flying lesson. You said when I got back,” he grins and grabs both of your hands pulling you towards the ship. His shoulders sway and he flows like he’s dancing.
“Poe, I don’t know.”
“We’re not going to actually fly right now. You have my word,” he touches his hand over his heart. “I’m only going to show you the controls inside. I’m not even going to power it up.”
“Ok,” you sigh, nodding.
“It’s ok to be scared,” he offers. “It’s a dangerous machine, you know that. It’s not a toy. I only want to ease your mind a little, if you’ll let me?”
“I trust you.”
“Good.” He turns and starts to climb into the cockpit. “You coming?” He calls once he’s down inside.
“Where am I supposed to sit?” you ask him climbing up the ladder and looking down at him in the cockpit. It’s such a small space.
“My lap,” he says so casually as if that’s the most obvious answer, he pats his thighs and you can’t deny yourself. His thighs have been something you’ve thought of often.
It takes some maneuvering, but you get settled on his lap. He’s sitting forward a little with you balancing on his legs. His arms reach around you to show you the controls. He picks up one of your hands and places it on top of his, “like this,” he tells you, his voice right behind your ear. His breath moves your hair by your ear, it tickles.
“Every ship is different, but they each run in a similar way. You just have to figure out what way works best.”
“Just like people,” you think.
“That’s right,” he smiles, “that’s right.”
“Do you really want me to learn how to fly?” you ask him. You know he said he wants to ease your mind, but you wonder if this is important to him somehow.
“I would never make you, not ever. Besides, with me around you’ll never have to fly,” he pinches your side making you giggle. “and you know what? The stars are just as beautiful right here,” he points up to the night sky.
He leans back a little, and your body goes with his. Your back resting against his chest. The air feels thicker now inside, there’s an electricity and it hits you hard. The way his hands feel have a heated feeling; it reminds you of how he touched your finger when it was burnt.
“You know,” he purrs in your ear, his hands moving up to clasp the zipper of your jumpsuit. “There are other ways I can show you the stars.”
Your breath and pulse begin to quicken as he lowers the zipper. Once it’s lowered enough, he slips his hand in and cups your breast through your undershirt inside the suit. You let out a choked groan and shudder against him, laying your head back on his shoulder. His hand burns through your shirt and you can feel him hardening against your ass.
“Poe,” you gasp out. His hand is kneading your flesh, and his other hand is blazing a trail to where you can only guess is between your legs. But you stop him. “Wait,” you sit upright.
“Too fast?” his voice is quiet in your ear.
All you can do is nod your head yes. It’s all happened so fast today. You hadn’t registered until this moment that being official with him now means the physical bonds would be forming soon. You’re not even sure how to tell him he’s going to be your first.
Thunder rumbles overhead, causing you both to look up to see clouds rolling in, covering the stars.
“Alright let’s go,” he starts to guide you up and out. “We don’t need to be in this thing and get struck by lightning.”
He pushes a button and the cockpit cover slides over to seal off the cabin from the rain once you’re both on the ground
It starts to rain heavily, and you can’t help but smile at the feeling.
“You’re beautiful,” Poe looks at you smiling in the rain.
“I could say the same to you.” His curls are starting to tighten from the water. They look perfect.
“Let’s get inside yeah? This thing is starting to itch,” he tugs at the collar of his flight suit. You wonder if that has anything to do with you.
Once inside the main hangar, you start your walk down to your rooms.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” you start.
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have moved so fast.”
“I liked it,” you flush, “it’s just, I’ve never done this.” Your voice gets small. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I was embarrassed to tell you,” you say sheepishly. “Today when you kissed me-“
“That was your first kiss?” he groans and buries his face in his hands. “I’m an idiot,” he laughs.
You’re laughing now, feeling relieved. Seeing him flustered looks good on him, you think.
“You’re not,” you rub his shoulder, “that was the best first kiss I think I could have ever gotten.”
“Ok tell you what, go get some clothes to sleep in and come to my quarters tonight. To sleep.” He tacks on the last sentence when he sees a slight change in your expression.
“Oh,” you laugh just now seeing that you’re in front of the doorway to your room. You push the code and see Corelle sitting on her bed. When she sees Poe in the door, and you rifling through your drawer to get some sleep clothes, she has the biggest grin on her face.
“Sleepover huh?”
You turn to look at her, biting your lip.
“I want to hear everything!!” she whispers.
“You know I can hear you right?” Poe laughs, leaning now on the doorframe.
She only shrugs and gives you a wave when you head out.
“So, will we bother your roommate?”
“Don’t have one,” he replies punching his digit code when you reach his room. It makes sense you think, he’s a high-ranking member of the Resistance. He would have seniority with things of this nature. “BB-8 is my roommate,” he chuckles pointing to the droid in the corner. He’s powered down and charging.
“Make yourself at home, I’m going to get cleaned up, I’ll be quick.”
You sit down in a chair in front of a small desk. He opens a drawer and pulls out his own sleep clothes.
“Be right back,” he gives you a nod. His curls still wet, bounce as his head moves.
The refresher door in his room hisses behind him, and soon you hear running water. While he’s getting cleaned up, you get undressed quickly and put on your sleep clothes. It’s a standard issue pair of pants and comfortable shirt. It’s precautionary. The material while comfortable is durable in case of a quick evac.
Once you’ve changed, you sit down on the chair again and look around his room. His favorite leather jacket is draped over the back of the chair, and there’s a holopad on the desk. There’s a couple metal caf cups on the desk, one has caf still in it. There’s a shirt on the floor, and his helmet is near BB-8.
There’s something about being in his room that feels surreal but calming all at once.
Knowing he’s just on the other side of that door (naked) and wants you here with him.
You try not to think too much about him being naked in there because the reality of intimacy has your stomach flipping.
Then you hear something, pulling you from your thoughts. It’s his voice. At first you wonder if he’s talking to you, but then you realize he’s singing. He’s singing loudly, and voice is clear and beautiful. There’s almost a melancholy tone to it, but you can tell he’s happy. You are not familiar with the song, but it’s your new favorite one. You think you could listen to him sing forever.
The water shuts off, and he still hums. You can hear him moving around, what you guess is drying off and putting on his clothes.
The refresher door hisses loudly, and you jump a little, being in his room has you feeling all sorts of good jitters.
“Cold?” he asks, he’d seen you jump, mistaking it for a chill.
You try not to stare; you really do try. But he’s damp and shirtless and this is the most skin you’ve seen from him other than his shirts exposing his neck to you. He’s wearing the same sleep pants you are, but they look so much better on him. His skin is tan, his build is strong. There’s a small chain around his neck with a ring on it, and he has a towel draped over his shoulder to dry his hair. The curls are dripping water onto his back and shoulders. You’re staring.
“No,” you blush, “I was thinking about something and the door startled me.”
“You’re a bit skittish, aren’t you?” He smiles and grabs your head gently, planting a loud kiss on the top of your head. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I know I come on strong.”
You wave your hand, “don’t worry about it.” You like it.
He flops down casually on his bed. He looks like an absolute dream laying there. He’s propped up on his elbow looking at you.
“What’s the necklace?” you nod towards him. Immediately his fingers reach for it and he flips the ring over and over.
“My mother’s ring. She died when I was very young, I don’t remember much. One of the memories I do remember is when she gave me this. She told me to give it to someone who deserved it, deserved my love.”
“It’s beautiful,” you notice the shine of it, it looks new.
“It is,” he looks down at it, then drops it from his fingers, the chain catching it and it bounces against his chest. “c’mere,” he whispers and nods his head. He reaches his hand out for you and gets you situated in the bed next to him. You lay on your back while he’s propped up next to you.
“I’m nervous,” you whisper up at him.
“I can tell,” he smiles, but there’s concern on his face, “and I don’t want you to be. I want to make you feel good sweetheart. We’ll take one step at a time, just like the flying lesson. Sound good?”
“Yes,” you grin up at him and pull him down for a kiss. At first, it’s sweet kisses, but then you feel Poe’s tongue teasing your lips. Guessing what he wants, you part your lips for him and sigh at the new feeling. His tongue touches yours and you can’t help the giggle that bubbles up.
“You’re adorable,” Poe muses, your lips parting.
Feeling flustered, again, you cover your face with your hands, and you groan, “you’re making me blush.”
“Mm, sweetheart,” he laughs, “it’s not hard to do that. I’ve been making you blush since day one. Don’t think I haven’t seen. Even when you tried to hide it from me,” he whispers in your ear, kissing it then. “Still adorable.”
He’s positioned himself on top of you now, he’s burying his face in the crook of your neck. You wrap your arms around him and bury your fingers into his drying curls. He’s quiet, just breathing slowly. His breath fans against your skin.
“Is this real?” you whisper. “I’m afraid it’s a dream and I’m going to wake up.”
“Oh, I’m very real,” he murmurs into your neck. He shimmies down a little so that his head is resting on your chest, his ear over your heart. He can hear your pulse quicken, and he smiles to himself.
“Don’t say it,” you roll your eyes laughing, fully aware that your body is betraying you.
“Say what? That I just felt your heart rate spike?” He lifts his head and rests his chin on your sternum looking up at you. Your hands haven’t left his curls, you bring a hand down to cradle his face. He leans into your touch, and you rub your thumb along his stubbly cheek. You feel his dimple under your palm when he smiles up at you. “I think something…has you excited…” he trails off licking his lips. “or maybe a someone.”
“I wonder who it is?” you tease back. Now your thumb is rubbing along his bottom lip. Playfully growling, he play bites your thumb making you laugh.
He lets go of your thumb and closes his eyes; he loves the feeling of your fingers in his hair. He’s practically purring as your fingers scratch his scalp.
“It’s just,” you start to say, but you can’t find the words. His eyes open at the sound of your voice.
“What? We’ll wait as long as you need sweetheart.” He finishes the sentence with kissing your thumb.
“It’s not that. What if I’m not any good? You know? In bed?”
“Nonsense,” he lays his head back down on your chest, wrapping his arms around your body and squeezing.
“What if you’ve had better?”
“Well I’m not with them right, now am I? Don’t compare yourself. Don’t. Whatever we have is between you and me. No one else.”
“I’m still nervous for you to see me.”
“And I cannot wait to see you, but sweetheart, I’m happy to hold you right now. I’ve found a nice pillow.”
You snort out a laugh.
“Give me your hand,” you tell him.
He shifts sitting upright, “ok which one?”
“Right,” you tell him. And he extends his wrist towards you. His hand limp and his palm facing upwards. His eyebrow is raised in question wondering what you’re doing.
You turn his palm over and bring his hand down to your left breast. He cups the flesh in his hand, but he doesn’t move. He wants to so bad, but he’s waiting for you.
“Ok now give me your other hand.”
He repeats the same action and gives you his left. You put his hand on your right breast.
“Baby what are you doing? I said we don’t-“
“They may not be perfect, but I like how your hands feel.”
He gives an experimental squeeze, gauging your reaction. You gasp when he squeezes and the corner of his mouth lifts in a smirk. He starts to knead your breasts, digging his fingers in and massaging them. He can feel your nipples poke through your shirt into his palms.
“See, I think they are perfect.” He continues his ministrations. “Know why?” he questions, making sure you see his face.
“Why?” you whimper, it feels so good.
“Because when I do this-“ he pauses and pinches your nipples between his forefingers and thumbs. When he does, you arch your back and cry out. His chuckle is dark but playful, “you’ll do that.”
You’re feeling breathless, but you need more. You want the shirt off, you need to know what his hands feel like on bare skin.
“Poe,” your voice quivers, he’s still teasing your nipples through your shirt.
“Too much?” He pulls back, he doesn’t want to overdo it.
“Not enough,” you writhe a little under him. “If I take off my shirt, will you turn off the light?” you blush hard under his gaze. His smile is so fond, he lets out a soft laugh and lays his forehead down on your chest to hide his laugh. “Don’t laugh!” you laugh yourself knowing he means no harm.
“I can’t help it,” he lifts his head, his smile is huge, “you’re just so damn sweet. It’s killing me.” He gives you a quick kiss with a little hum before getting up to turn off the overhead light.
“You sure it’s not silly?” you look up at him walking back towards the bed in the dark. Your eyes are already starting to adjust.
“I can’t get enough,” he grins sitting upright beside you on the bed. “Who wouldn’t love this?”
“You’re so calm though, and I’m not.”
“Oh yeah?” He raises a brow and takes your hand in his. He puts your hand over his heart, and it’s beating as fast as yours. “I told you I always get the jitters before I fly.” He winks, the euphemism not lost on you.
You’re still laying on your back, his hands reach for the hem of your shirt. When his fingertips brush against the skin of your stomach, you start to giggle.
“Uh-oh, are you ticklish?” his voice is playful in the dark.
“Poe, no!” you squeal as he starts to shove his hands under your shirt and tickle your sides and tummy. He has you laughing so hard you forget you’re nervous and he pulls your shirt off quickly.
“Oh, you think you’re smooth, don’t you?”
“Hey that was pretty slick if I do say so myself sweetheart.”
Even in the dark you can see his eyes drink you in. Your heart pounds and your head pushes back into the pillow when he cups your breasts again, this time skin to skin.
“That feels so much better doesn’t it?” he asks kneading your flesh.
“So much,” you gasp. His hands do feel amazing. You’ve always loved his hands. They’re big and warm, smooth yet a little rough. But his touch is never aggressive. Now though that he’s squeezing you, his touch is firm.
“Can I try something?” he looks at you for an answer.
You nod, still whimpering under his touch. Your whimpers turn into a soft cry when he lowers his head to your breast and closes his lips around your nipple. He sucks gently and teases you with his tongue. You feel slick between your thighs, you have for a while now, but you’re soaked through.
“Poe,” you whine and start to rub yourself along his thigh nestled between your legs, “touch me please. Oh. OH. Please!” you’re gasp trying to find relief of the building pressure.
Without removing his mouth, he lowers a hand down the waistband of your pants and underwear. His middle finger touches your clit and you cry out, finally feeling a wave of relief. He circles your clit with his finger in time with how his tongue tweaks your nipple, his other finger teasing your other nipple. Your cries let him know you’re close and he quickens the pace of his fingers. You let out a ragged gasp when you come, and you become silent as your chest heaves. You’re probably pulling on his hair too harshly, but he hasn’t complained.
“Good girl,” he praises, pulling away from your breast. His mouth goes to your neck to kiss. “You did so good.”
“Poe, I-“
“Breathe baby,” he smiles, “breathe.”
“You feel so good,” you sigh, your body limp.
“Hmm, thank you,” he teases, kissing your cheek. “Funny, I was going to say the same about you.”
You wriggle around under him, the sticky between your legs is starting to feel uncomfortable. Sensing this, Poe sits up.
“Go get cleaned up,” he smooths your hair out of your face. “Normally I’d do that for you.” But he’s going to let you have your privacy in this moment. “There’s clean rags in the closest.”
Blushing hard, you disappear into the refresher to clean yourself up with the rag. You don’t take long because you feel like you should make him feel good too, even though you have no idea what to do.
The refresher light seems so bright and seeing yourself topless in his mirror has you flushing again. Your lips are swollen from his kisses, your hair is a mess.
Once you’re clean, you’re feeling all giddy from your high. You’re about to jump back into bed when you hear a soft snoring. At first you think he’s faking; he’s got such a funny sense of humor it seems like him.
“Poe?” you whisper.
“Hmm?” he mumbles out, his eyes twitching. He’s laying on his stomach.
“I’m getting back in bed,” you tell him.
“Ok,” he smacks his lips and nods his head.
You do your best and slide under the covers. You’re on your back, and you grab his arm, placing it across your middle. His arm wraps around you, his forearm just under your breasts. In his sleepy state, he nuzzles his face into your neck. You rub your hands along his skin, feeling the hair on his arm.
The poor thing, you think. He’s had a long couple of days. You’re not even sure when he last slept after that long mission. It warms your heart he stayed up with you as late as he did tonight.
You finally have a restful sleep. You’re not worried for his safety, because he’s in your arms right now, you can feel his body move with each breath. There’s no more worrying about admitting how you feel because if there was, you wouldn’t be in this bed. It is a restful sleep, finally. Finally.
Until the next morning when you both wake to an alarm blaring. Poe bolts upright and you jump – you’d forgotten where you were. He leaps out of bed and wakes BB-8.
“Get dressed,” he tells you and throws you your clothes. You barely register that you’re half naked and exposed to him in the light, but you’re panicking from this alarm.
“What’s going on?” you’re scared.
“That’s the evacuation alarm,” he says while he pulls on his pants. He grabs that shirt off the floor and tugs it on. Then he goes for his flight suit, pulling it on over his clothes. “here,” he takes his leather jacket off the back of the chair and hands it to you. “Hold onto this for me will ya?”
Once you’re dressed, you put his jacket on over your work jumpsuit. It makes you feel safer somehow, it smells like him.
He opens his door, and there’s already people running to their stations to evacuate. Poe motions for BB-8, they’ll head to the X-Wing.
“Where do I go?” you know the protocol, but in the moment your mind is muddled, and panic has set in.
“Hey,” he cups your face in his hands, “breathe baby. Go find Leia. Get on a transport out of here. I gotta go do my thing, but I will find you. I will find you.” He kisses your lips and then your forehead.
At least you can be with him until you get to the hangar. But then you have to split up. You fight back tears, you just got him and now you have to leave him again. You just want this all to be over.
You get on the transport and anxiety floods your veins. You don’t want to be off the ground. You know you have to do this, but there’s still that fear that always comes with being in a ship out in space. You don’t feel safe. You want nothing more than for Poe to be here with you, to help you through this. You think back to what he said that he’s always nervous before he goes up, you just never found out what it is that calms him.
Wait.
Of course, you know what it is that makes him calm. It’s you.
You’re the good luck charm, and he’s yours. Your fingers touch the worn leather of the jacket you’re wearing, you know now why he gave it to you to wear. To remind you he’s still with you. Tightening the jacket around yourself when the ship takes off into the atmosphere keeps you calm.
There’s a battle of enemy ships outside the window. Soon you’re far enough away they are too small to make out what’s happening, but you know he’s in the thick of it. There’s nothing for you to do now except watch out the window. No assignments have been given, and most people who have jobs to do are doing it. There’s nothing you can do but watch and hope that he stays safe.
When the short-lived battle ends, you watch for that familiar X-Wing to fly into the hangar of the transport. You make your way towards that hangar to greet him. You see Corelle nearby and a few other mechanics in the area waiting for their respective pilots to return.
As soon as Poe lands, he jumps out of the ship, BB-8 right behind him. He runs to greet you at the doorway, but a First Order ship fires into the hangar, setting off an explosion. The force of the blast sends Poe and BB-8 forward, Poe’s body knocks you backwards. Everyone that was inside the hangar was lost, including Corelle.
Poe groans getting off you, apologizing profusely and checking your face to see if you’re alright.
“Corelle was in there,” you cry, looking through the doorway and seeing the wreckage. You start to try to get up, Poe stops you. Smoke billows and flames are everywhere. Even Poe’s X-Wing has been completely destroyed. “Your ship!” shock taking over.
“Hey, look at me,” he cups your face, “I don’t care about the ship, are you alright?”
You feel a pain in your side, then you feel dizzy. Poe calls your name, but he sounds far away and looks blurry. The last thing you see before you blackout is Poe’s face, panic written all over his expression.
For the next few days, you slip in and out of consciousness. There are moments you can remember in little flashes.
You remember Poe coming to check on you. His voice a gentle whisper asking if you’re alright. Another time, his voice cracks asking for an update.
You remember feeling Poe’s hand holding yours, feeling the press of his lips to your forehead.
You remember hearing someone say, “the war is almost over, it’ll be over soon.”
And they would be right. The war is almost over. While you’ve been out the past couple days, the Resistance has found allies across the galaxy to gather for one last battle. Poe hated to leave you, but he knew you were in safe hands and he has a duty to fulfill. He had to fight for you out there, while you fought for your life here at the new base.
When you finally came to after a few days under, Poe is sitting next to you in med bay. He’s asleep. His leather jacket draping over his torso as a makeshift blanket. He’s resting his cheek on his fist; his other hand is holding yours.
“Poe,” you whisper. You have no idea what time it is, and you feel disoriented. But one thing’s for sure is he looks so cute when he’s asleep. It feels like a lifetime ago when you were cuddled up with him in his bed, when really it was only just last week. “Poe?”
“I’m awake!” he jerks up with a sniff and a grunt. When his tired eyes land on you, he blinks softly as a soft grin turns into a full-blown smile, “hi sweetheart.”
“Hi,” you answer back. As you get your bearings, you feel a soreness in your side. You wince when you sit up, and Poe is quick to help you adjust in the bed.
“Easy, you got hit pretty bad.”
“What happened?” you try to remember but all you remember is the explosion, Poe falling on top of you and Corelle.
Corelle.
Tears begin to well up in your eyes. You think of the other friends you lost that day, that it could have been Poe if he hadn’t gotten out when he did.
“Hey, shhh,” he dries your tears and kisses your forehead, “you’re safe. You got hit with some debris. Knocked you out for a couple days.”
“General?” you hear a nurse approach you and Poe when she sees you’re awake. “Sorry to interrupt but I’d like to check her vitals now that she’s awake.”
“Of course,” Poe nods and stands, moving out of her way.
“How are you feeling?” she asks you, but you’re trying to process what you think you just heard. General? What did you miss?
“I’m a little tender still, I feel a little out of it.”
“Those are common side effects from the bacta spray. With some rest you’ll be good as new very soon,” she smiles and enters something in her holopad. “I’ll be back later to check on you alright?”
She nods at you and then Poe thanks her again.
“General?” is the first word out of your mouth as soon as she’s gone. “What?”
“I was…. promoted,” he nods his head, his eyes look sad. “We lost Leia. She named me general before she-“ his shoulders slump.
Rank has always been important to Poe. He wants to succeed. But in reaching the top, it meant sacrifice. And this was a loss he wasn’t ready to lose.
“Are you okay?” you ask sitting up, his hand hasn’t left yours and you squeeze.
“I’ll be alright,” he nods. You’re safe and that’s what matters now to him. “Especially now that it’s over.”
“It’s over? Like over, over?” your frown turns to a bright smile. Can it really be over?
“It’s over,” he grins.
“I can’t believe it!” you laugh sitting up slowly. When you pull your hand from his, you see a familiar ring on your finger. “Is this what I think it is?” you ask holding your hand up to look at the ring.
“It is,” he clears his throat, his fingers running through his hair.
“Don’t tell me I missed the wedding too?”
Poe throws his head back laughing, “no, no. I thought I’d wait for you to be awake for that one.”
Over the next few days while you heal, Poe wraps things up on the new base. Now that the fight is over, life will begin to trickle back to the new normal without the First Order. Poe oversees the transitions as general. He appointed Finn co-general so the weight can be distributed.
Now is the perfect time for it, because Poe has other things on his mind.
There’s a buzz all over the base now, people wondering when your wedding will be. There’s already been 4 in the last week. The relief of the war is getting to everyone in such a positive manner.
You spend a day or two extra recovering. Since the piece of metal that hit you had nicked a couple organs, you had major surgery. You had to have time to heal. You were given strict orders for ‘no strenuous activity’ for a couple weeks at least. Poe found this very amusing, but also disappointing.
You’re just as disappointed as him. You have his ring on your finger, all that’s left is to seal the deal officially.
While you heal and Poe gets affairs in order, you spend a lot of time in his quarters now on this new base. In his bed and in his arms is your favorite place to be.
It’s harder on you than him to wait a few days more before you can be intimate. The press of his body against yours at night has you aching in your heart and between your legs. But you can’t complain, his arms and his kisses sustain you plenty.
You spend hours in each other’s arms, kissing until you’re sleepy. He’s a skilled kisser. Skilled as in, he’s quick to figure out what you like and what you don’t.
How he’s this patient with you, you’ll never know. But he would never forgive himself if you were hurt because he couldn’t wait a couple days for sex. He already feels guilt from not protecting you from the hunk of metal hitting your body. His body was blocking yours but still managed to hit you and not him.
He’s currently kissing your neck, with you under him. They aren’t heated kisses, they’re soft and tender. Dragging his lips along the column of your neck, throwing in little nibbles.
“How are you feeling?” he murmurs been kisses. “Answer me honestly.”
“I feel good. Tomorrow is when they said it would be ok for ‘activity.’”
“Let’s get married tomorrow then,” he whispers kissing under your ear.
“Okay,” you giggle wrapping your arms around him tight.
So, you do. You get one last approval from med bay that you’re safe for ‘activities.’ Poe leaves you to that and he disappears, he tells you before he leaves to meet him in hangar 4.
Your time as a mechanic meant that you didn’t have pretty clothes. Everything you owned was either for working or sleeping. But now that there is more order, you managed to get your hands on a dress to wear. You can’t even remember the last time you wore a dress. Poe certainly hasn’t seen you one in your months of being together.
So, before you meet him, you put on your dress. It’s flowy and elegant and accentuates all your curves in the right places. You do the final touches of your hair looking in his mirror. You know he’ll be so surprised to see you like this.
You walk alone to the hangar, and it’s noticeably quiet. There’s a tremor in your hands, and your knees quake with each step as you walk closer. This is really happening. You only wish Corelle was here to see it.
When you reach the hangar and walk inside, you gasp. The entire base is here. Cheers erupt when you walk in, and you flush under the attention. Poe is standing at the opposite end; the crowd has to part so you can walk down to him.
He looks so handsome, the smile on his face is pouring out of him. His eyes are bright. His hair is somewhat tame, which makes you smile, meaning he had to put effort into taming it. He’s wearing a nice jacket you’ve never seen before, it’s black and clean. He looks wonderful.
He’s thinking the same about you, your smile is radiant, and it knocked the breath out of him to see you in that dress.
When you get closer to him, he reaches his hand out for you to take. There’s a slight shake to his hand too.
“You ready?” he whispers, thumb rubbing over the back of your hand.
Your smile is so big that tears begin to well up in your eyes, “yes,” you whisper back.
The ceremony is very short, and you leap into his arms to kiss him. His hand is strong on your back, and his fist shoots up in the air in a celebration. The audience cheers, and BB-8 nearby beeps happily.
“Happy beeps, that’s right buddy,” Poe laughs hearing his droid over the crowd. “Happy beeps,” he says to you, that smile still in his eyes.
Poe sets you down and the party begins. But the two of you make your exit for his – your quarters.
Taking your hand, you’re both giggling making your ‘escape’ to your quarters. The moment the door opens, he’s on you. His hands on your hips, and his lips on yours. His tamed hair has your hands in it now, messing it up and setting the curls loose. You push his jacket off as he pushes you up against a wall.
His hands are quick, he’s careful to pull on your dress to take it off without damaging it. You all but yank his shirt off his body. Your dress is pooled now at your feet, the only thing keeping you from total nudity is a pair of underwear.
You reach for Poe’s belt, but your hands start to shake a little. His hands clutch yours, and he glances up at you.
“Hey,” he leans in and steals a quick kiss, “it’s ok. It’s just me.” He unbuckles his belt and tugs his own pants off, leaving him in shorts that are tightening around his bulge. You look down at him, and back up to his face quickly, your eyes wide and face hot. His smirk is playful, he likes seeing you check out his body.
Grabbing your hips, he starts to back you up against the bed. His hand cradles the back of your neck as he lays you down. He looks down at you and grins, and his feet slip, and he almost falls on top of you, making you both laugh. He cups your face and kisses you all over, you haven’t stopped laughing.
“Hey, I remember these,” he muses when he reaches down to cup your breasts. You cry out and he only laughs, he’s proud of himself.
“Poe, I swear,” you groan when he thumbs over your nipples.
“You’ll what?” he challenges, raising his eyebrow. He tweaks your nipples and your cry is weak escaping your lips.
With some sense in your head, you reach down in between you and cup his length through his shorts. He lets out a choked groan, “ok well played,” he rasps out and pushes your hand away.
His hands wander down to your stomach, and he finds that scar above your hip. He traces over it with his thumb, looking up at you – you know what that look means. He’s glad you’re alive. That scar will always be a reminder.
He doesn’t linger on the thought, instead he fingers dance along your underwear.
“Can I?” he asks hooking his fingers in the band. He waits for you to nod before he pulls them down your legs exposing you to him. You wriggle a little unnerved at him seeing you, his hands steady your hips and he looks up at your face. “It’s ok,” he smiles again. “I’ve already been down here remember?” he winks.
You’re slick already from the excitement, so when he teases a finger at your entrance it slides in easily. His thumb teases your clit until you’re ready to take another finger. His thumb brushes back and forth, while his fingers pump in and out. Quick precise pilot hands are working you over and that thought alone brings you close to the edge.
“One more,” he coos and adds a third finger. It’s a tight squeeze but his thumb is getting you to relax. When he curls his fingers deep inside, you groan louder than you had before. “There it is,” he grins and leans down to kiss your cheek. “You’re doing so good sweetheart, so so good.”
When your orgasm hits you, your mouth falls open and no sound comes but ragged breaths.
“Come on,” he coos working you through the last few waves of it. You groan loudly when you come down, and he’s pleased, “that’s it baby. Let me hear you.”
While you catch your breath, he stands to slip off his shorts that are uncomfortable now. You glance down to see him, he’s hard. His hand lazily pumps himself a couple times, and you swallow down a gulp of nerves. He’s bigger than you anticipated.
Crawling back on the bed, he hovers over you. He wears the chain around his neck still even though there’s no ring on it, and this chain while dangling, touches along your chest. He situates himself between your legs, pulling your legs up and around his waist. You can feel his tip at your entrance, and he waits for you to breathe before he guides himself inside.
He moves slowly, it’s a pinch at first. It’s a snug fit but the feeling of being full feels wonderful. He breathes out himself, trying to stay still. One little thrust from his hips could hurt if you’re not ready. When he feels you relax, he starts to move.
His thrusts are quick and precise at first, his kisses are hot, and his mouth drags along your skin. Your fingers never leave his curls. His mouth focuses on a nipple for awhile as he thrusts, only adding to your pleasure. His body rubs along your clit perfectly, bringing on another orgasm.
That’s when his thrusts become sloppy. He grunts and sits up, bringing you with him. You’re sitting on his thighs and he buries his face in your breasts. His stubble scrapes along sensitive skin. The new position pushes him deeper inside, and another orgasm follows close behind the one you just had. You hold his head to your breast and throw your head back while his body moves. He stops suddenly and groans when his cock jumps inside you, spilling himself in you.
“Oh,” is all you can say, whimpering as you still pulse around him as he softens inside of you.
“Mhmm,” he hums, his eyes heavy from the intense pleasure.
“Just like flying right?” you laugh.
“Oh yeah,” he laughs back, “ push some buttons, toggle some controls, move the stick around…just like flying.”
“Stop,” you laugh at his terrible analogy.
“You saw some stars, though didn’t you?” he winks.
He’s not wrong there.
“Tomorrow,” you tell him.
“Tomorrow what?” he replies, slipping out of your heat.
“I’ll let you take me up flying, for real. Just not in the X-Wing.”
“Really?” he’s excited now. He jumps up and goes in the refresher to get a rag to clean you. You stare at his bare ass as he moves, and it’s even more perfect than you had imagined.
“Yes really,” you laugh when he comes back.
He turns around and looks behind him when he gets back on the bed, “is there something behind me?”
When your cheeks darken, he tuts.
“Checkin’ out my ass huh?”
“Poe, honestly,” you laugh shoving his chest while he starts to clean your thighs, “how can you be so sweet but such an-“
“Ass?”
“I really hate you,” you laugh, “and all your bad jokes.”
“That’s hurtful.”
You spent the rest of the night laughing at more bad jokes and tangled up in his arms. And he took you flying that next morning.
It’s a small spacecraft, room enough for the both of you to sit comfortably. It takes a lot of coaxing and kisses before you’re comfortable going in the ship, but he never leaves your side. His jacket is around your shoulders, and his hand is in yours.
He sits in the pilot seat and flicks on all the controls, makes some jokes, and soon you are up in the air and going into space.
He tells you what to do to make the jump to light speed, and you follow his instructions perfectly.
“I don’t want to look out the window,” you say suddenly. The bright blue streaks of stars fill the view from the window, and it makes you feel dizzy.
“C’mere,” he pats his lap. Facing him, you straddle his lap and curl into his arms. At first you thought, hoped, he wanted you to ride his thigh (which you will later) but for now you enjoy the comfort of your husband’s arms and chest.
-FIVE YEARS LATER-
The Resistance has faded into a normal better life in the galaxy. Poe still holds the title of General. You’re not actually 100% about that? But you plan on calling him that for the rest of your lives. He likes it when you use it bed.
You’ve made a home for yourselves back on Poe’s home world of Yavin IV. You still work as a mechanic, and Poe flies when he can.
But now that you have the new baby, your lives have been turned upside down.
“When do you think I’ll be able to take her up to fly with me?” Poe’s carrying her in his arms, walking towards you. You’re outside oiling the X-Wing.
“Poe, she’s three months old!” you shake your head and pull him in for a kiss. Your fingers pet his beard and he kisses you once more.
“My mom took me up when I was 6!” he argues and starts to press kisses on his baby’s face.
“I’m just not comfortable with you taking little Corelle up yet. But I am going to let you teach her to fly.”
“I’ll teach her on this old thing,” he pats on his X-Wing. “It’s were you were conceived!” he tells her.
“Poe!” you smack his thigh with your work rag.
“Well she was, if you recall.”
“Oh, I recall,” you feel your neck flush. “When you teach her to fly just don’t tell her that, please.”
You kiss your daughters little head and then Poe’s bristly cheek. Then you kneel to get back to work.
“You’ll teach her mechanics too,” Poe muses watching you, “she’ll be able to build her own ships and then fly ‘em!” He bounces her on his hip. He starts to hum a song; one you’ve not heard in years.
“That song!” you gasp. The memory comes flooding back. “I don’t think I’ve heard you sing that since…”
“Since?” Poe stops his humming to look up at you.
“I remember you singing it in the refresher that night, the first night I stayed with you.”
“I can’t believe you remember that!” his smile is fond.
“Of course, I do, I remember everything about that night! One of the best nights of my life.”
“Yeah, I was pretty great wasn’t I?” He laughs earning him another smack on his leg. You turn away from him then ‘ignoring him’ but it’s not working, because he won’t be ignored, and you’re not really mad. Poe clears his throat, he’s checking out your ass as you work, “do you think BB-8 can babysit?”
You turn around and lower your goggles, looking at him.
“What are you going to tell him exactly?”
“The truth? What? It’s not like he doesn’t know.”
“Well I don’t want him to know that’s what we’re doing out here!” you’re standing now, laughing. Poe’s right next to you kissing your neck. He nuzzles his beard against your skin.
“I’ll tell him…. we’re going on a flight. See some stars.”
“Ok fine, General Dameron. Show me the stars.”
xx
tagging: @pajamasecrets, @huliabitch, @egertonunwin, @writefightandflightclub, @coredrive, @swimmingbyrd, @maciiiofficial, @mrpascals, @vintagemichelle91, @thescarletknight2014, @captinbisexuality, @tarrevizslas, @a-heavenly-way-to-die, @artemiseamoon, @poedameronflyboy, @mostly-megan, @takenbyfandoms, @islandcrow, @dreamgirl-67, @omg-so-many-fandoms, @pinkiemme, @ccordiform, @frvstratixn, @ginger-swag-rapunzel, @zombiedixon89, @loki-098, @flower-petal-blooming, @thy-enchanted-cookie, @theindiealto, @jigglemiwa, @smolpeachees, @breashlyn2000
#poe dameron#poe dameron x reader#poe dameron imagine#dameron#star wars#my writing#my gifs#mine#I'M SO GLAD TO BE ABLE TO FINALLY POST THIS!!!!!!!!!!#I HOPE YALL LIKE IT
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Recovering pt 1
Seventeen 14th member
Hayun’s masterlist
“During her time in the hospital, it was up to the 95+96 line to take care of Hayun”
a/n: Wonwoo’s scenario is inpired by the lyric prank request. Feel free to let me know your thoughts as well as send me some requests💙. Ask box is also open to random chats.
Scoups
He had felt guilty leaving Hayun on her own that morning, so as soon as the schedule was over, Seungcheol rushed to the hospital to make her company while the boys went home to showers and then pay her a visit.
Opening the room’s door, he was met with the sight of Hayun’s head staring blankly at him while the rest of her body was buried in while fluffy pillows in a way he doubted she could move without letting at least one of them drop off the bed. Stifling his laugh, the leader walked into the room amused.
“Did hurricane Jackson come by?” He asked clearly knowing the answer as she rolled her eyes.
“What do you think? I didn’t even know you could get this many pillows in a hospital” The girl sighed as he started to take them one by one and set them on the couch, only leaving the ones stabilizing her back since he didn’t know how much movement she could take “You smell like the bathroom in music core”
“I rushed here so you could have some company and that’s what I get?” Scoups said offended and she smiled mischievously.
“My bad. Here let me tell you a secret” Hayun waved him closer and when his ear was by her mouth she screamed “I’M LOSING MY MIND IN THIS ROOM”
Flinching backward, Cheol placed a hand on his heart while waiting for a second for it to calm down. The girl stared at him with wide eyes while pointing out how everything was stark white.
“AND, if that isn’t enough” She pointed out making him widen his eyes even more “I don’t have you guys around”
“Aww, cute” He cooed pulling a chair closer so he could sit by her side “But wasn’t your boyfriend just here?”
“Yeah but he’s not you guys” She hummed holding his hand and squeezing it for a few seconds before throwing it away “At least he’s not a traitor”
“A traitor?” Cheol smiled amused and she crossed her arms nodding.
“I mean. How dare you guys having all that fun without me”
Jeonghan
“That one looks like a thumb” Hayun leaned into Jeonghan’s side and pointed at a baby through the nursery window. As she had been getting better, the nurses would let her take little strolls around the hospital as a way of getting her body going again.
“Don’t judge him, he might become cute someday and end up dating your child” Jeonghan pointed out while side hugging the girl to help her support herself “You don’t want to bully your future son in law, do you?”
“It’s weird thinking that they’ll become a grown person isn’t it” She ignored him cooing at the babies in their beds “They’re so little and squishable right now. Look at that one! It has a little dimple!”
Laughing at her excitement, Jeonghan failed to notice an old lady approaching them with a fond smile, and he almost jumped when she started speaking on his side.
“It’s your firstborn, right? I remember how excited I was when my daughter was born, nothing compares to it” The lady smiled at their mildly confused faces and then back at the babies “So, which one is yours?”
As Hayun went to tell her this was a misunderstanding, Jeonghan calmly pointed at a baby in the corner and, with the softest smile, he turned to her as he spoke.
“That one is our little Channie. Cute isn’t he?” He winked at his group member as she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing.
“Oh yes. That one is my grandson. Time sure flies by fast” The lady smiled at them and much to Hayun’s entertainment pointed to the one she had compared to a thumb.
“Ah he’s adorable” Hayun giggled and forcefully pulled at Jeonghan’s sweatshirt to indicate they should leave soon before the woman could get a good look at them and start some weird rumor.
“We should be going back so my love can go rest” He started speaking while pulling her IV holder a little closer to indicate their departure.
“Yeah, I’m feeling quite tired, we should really be going” Hayun gave her a polite smile and after giving each other the best of luck they parted ways, Jeonghan turning to her as soon as they made it to the elevator.
“We’re horrible people”
(pretty boy draco malfoy wannabe)
Joshua
“You just hoop the thread through the- Hey, don’t give up now” Joshua sighed as Hayun dropped her hands and placed the little beads back on the container.
“Shua, I love and cherish each and every bracelet you give me so much. And do you know why?” She asked and he shook his head “Because I know that I don’t have the patience to do them just like you”
Dropping his head on the hospital bed, Joshua tried his best not to laugh in desperation as he gathered the courage to admit the only thing he had brought for her to do was a failure.
“Okay, I’m sorry” He straightened up his posture and collected one by one the little beads and things. “The boys just keep breaking the ones I’ve given them and I don’t have the guts to say no to making more. Just thought you could help me get these done, my bad”
“Oh, I can,” Hayun said, much more excited, yet he shook his head grateful.
“You don’t like it, I get it. Don’t worry about it” Shua gave her a very sad wink, putting the things away and crossing his legs as he sat back. “So, how have you been doing? At least we can talk about your news and catch up”
“No, you don’t get it. There is no news. I’m stuck here and nothing happens, so if I can help you by making bracelets, PLEASE teach me how to make bracelets” Hayun pleaded, shaking him by his arm and Joshua laughed.
“Just don’t go complaining that I forced you” Handing her the materials again, they went back to silently making the crafts while Hayun shared some of the hospital gossip she had heard.
“Have you tried putting one of each color to see how it turns out?” She asked, pushing her glasses that were sliding on the bridge of her nose without taking her eyes off her work.
“Yes. It all looks kind of yellow though, I don’t know how it happens” Joshua shrugged, taking a quick glance at the one she was making, only to notice she wasn’t following the pattern he had told her to. “Wait, that’s not how it’s supposed to go”
“I think it looks more fun this way” Hayun smiled stretching the line towards him, seemingly proud of the colorful mess she had done.
Shua only smiled and nodded, not having the heart to tell her that one was supposed to replace Woozi’s black and blue bracelet.
Jun
Hayun had been watching the door with hopeful eyes for the last three minutes when Jun finally entered her room. Closing the door almost instantly, the boy leaned against it and placed his hand inside his hoodie pocket.
“Please tell me you got it” Hayun beamed, assuming the answer was a yes, but her face dropped as soon as he took out three Jello cups. “You know, when I told you to sneak in some food, I meant like a burger or something”
“How was I supposed to sneak in a burger? Do you know how hard it was for me to get these?” He sighed sitting next to her on the hospital bed and taking out two spoons from his pocket “I had to sweet talk my way through three different nurses to make it into their stash. One of them even gave me her number”
“My boy” Hayun gave him a high five and took one of the cups “You got me a lime one? Thanks!. The girls said they were out of it this morning”
“Oh yeah. One of them told me they’re usually out of it pretty quickly so they try not to give many out” He said calmly making her complain about the unfairness.
“If a burger was too difficult, some fries would have done the job” The girl returned to the topic rolling her eyes while opening one of the Jellos and taking a spoon from him.
“The nurses said you should be careful with what you eat for a while, that must mean no greasy food” Jun grabbed a bite with his spoon and laughed at her annoyed face.
“I’m already in the hospital if anything goes wrong” The girl rebutted, making him laugh and push her in annoyance, forgetting for an instant she still had some stitches in her belly.
“Crap, I’m sorry,” Jun said when she let out a little groan, opting to sit on the chair instead of crushing her side on the bed.
“Don’t apologize. You can be a little rougher next time” Hayun smirked as he threw his head back in annoyance and took out another Jello from his pocket, throwing it at her head but purposely missing “Hey, sick person here. Treat me a little nicer for once”
“I’m getting mixed signals right now. Which one is it, rough or gentle? Because I can do both” Jun snickered back making her howl with laughter.
Hoshi
“Hey, is this supposed to be happening?” Hoshi screamed over the nurses as they helped Hayun throw up in a bucket from the hospital bed.
The boy and a manager had just arrived to help her get her stuff ready to go home when a bunch of them went running into her room making him alert.
“Sir, it’s not very common but it can happen. We'll do some scans to see if there’s anything going on but she hasn’t shown any other symptoms so it might be a passing thing” One of them told him while helping her up. Turning to her, he held her shoulder and placed her against the headboard “You need to be careful with your stitches”
“So what? I’m supposed to drown in my vomit” Hayun complained and one of them held the bucket a little closer to her face making her disgusted “Nevermind, I think I’m done”
“I’ll go check with the doctor,” The manager told Hoshi as he nodded and walked closer to the girl.
“You haven’t been feeling anything else right?” Soonyoung asked, but before she could say anything the same nurse spoke up.
“She hasn’t had any fever and everything else seems to be normal. You’ll probably need to stay here one more day so we can see if anything happens though”
Giving him a side-eye, Hayun pouted as they excused themselves from the room and Hoshi sat on the bed next to her so she could lean her head on his shoulder.
“I just want to go home” She mumbled letting frustration take over for the first time. “I’m stuck in this damn room while the entire world passes by. I missed an entire comeback at this point, people might start calling me old for it”
“At least you did one stage” Hoshi chuckled making her roll her eyes “Just think that there will be many more to come. Think of this as a rest before you go out and get tired again”
“I want to be tired right now” She scoffed, pointing at her stomach “Do you have any idea of how weak my muscles must be. I’m going to need you to walk me through every choreography so I can reignite muscle memory again”
“Sure. I’ll make a boot camp just for you” He laughed as she sighed defenseless.
Wonwoo
“You don’t have to stay, you know?” Hayun pointed out as Wonwoo fixed up the couch for himself to sleep on.
“Hoshi said you were pissed for staying one more day,” He said nonchalantly while staking some pillows “What kind of friend would I be if I let you sulking on your own?”
“The reasonable kind who knows their bed is much more comfortable than a couch he can barely fit on” The girl smirked, doing her best to turn on her side.
“What is that thing you always say before talking someone into something” Wonwoo pretended to think before raising a finger “It’s about experiencing life to its fullest”
“I don’t think this fits into that but okay”
“I’m turning off the lights” He laughed, getting up, but before his finger touched the switch, she stopped him.
“I feel like crap” Hayun pouted and he widened his eyes.
“What is up? Do you need me to call someone?” The boy left his spot by the door to come check on her closer “Is it the position you’re on”
“I threw away all my pride” She held his hand and looked up at him, trying her best not to break the sad face before continuing “I’m so upset”
“Look, you shouldn’t worry about missing the schedules. I get that you wanted to come too, but things like this happen and we have to adjust to them” He said making her sigh and let go of his hand, only to look out of the window
“Am I only this much? Now I’m scared”
“What? No, you don’t have to be scared. We all think it’s best for you to recover than-”
“I’m scared of the words of I love you” Hayun raised her tone making him shut up and stare at her confused. She let out an ironic laugh before continuing “You’re just a joke”
“What?”
“I really can’t stand you” She spat at him making his face get more confused “There’s no reason to date you. Guys like you are all over the world”
Wonwoo was just about to ask where she was going with this as a wave of realization hit him, as a reaction he closed his eyes and took a deep breath while Hayun laughed at his face.
“Did you really just quote 2NE1?” The boy scoffed before an amused grin showed up in his face.
Woozi
“I get performing, but why do I need to stay out of interviews too?” Hayun interrogated the doctor just as he was ready to discharge her “Can’t I just sit on the side? You said small movements were fine”
From her side, Woozi watched amused as the doctor explained for the third time that she needed to let her body rest, which made her argue once again that “interviews weren’t exhausting”
“We can exchange places if you want,” The boy said half-serious, half kidding making her roll her eyes.
“You wouldn’t like it,” Hayun said on a whim raising her eyebrow as she gave it a second thought “Actually, staying at home with no one else around. You totally would. Can we do that?”
“Do what exactly?” The doctor said as she stared at him excitedly.
“Have him home resting for me while I go have fun?”
“Uh-”
“The moment you learn to ignore the things she says, the better your life will become” Woozi smiled politely making her roll her eyes once again. “Anyways, are you ready to go home?”
“I don’t know, I became quite attached to this room” Hayun tried to joke, but the boy only unlocked her wheelchair and started guiding her out. “Well that was rude”
“You kept complaining you wanted to go home. I’m just trying to do that as fast as possible” He smirked as they made it to the elevator. Their manager running to keep track of his fast steps.
“Calm down, the party isn’t going anywhere” Hayun chuckled, but when she looked up to his confused face, she only rolled her eyes “Cut the crap, I know you’re throwing a welcome home party”
“Uh… you’re going to be disappointed” The boy looked to the manager and then back at her with an apologetic face.
“Oh. Nah, it’s fine” Hayun shrugged rolling her eyes “Everyone is busy anyways”
“We thought we could go out once you’re all good too” He patted her arm as they made it to the garage floor.
After the manager drove them to the dorms, they both calmly walked to the door while chatting about some nonsense on the radio. When Hayun opened the door to find her twelve losers with a banner that read “Sorry about your appendix”.
#Hayun#seventeen 14th member#seventeen oc#seventeen au#seventeen addition#Seventeen Additional Member#seventeen extra member#seventeen x oc#seventeen x 14th member#seventeen scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen reactions#seventeen fanfic#svt au#svt 14th member#svt oc#svt addition#kpop addition#kpop au#kpop oc#female!kpop#k pop oc#k pop au#k pop fanfiction#female!oc#female!addition#female!koc#koc
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Princess Part 7
Harry Potter Marauders Era
Link to Part 6
Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader
Rating: M
______
The next morning you dreaded facing Walburga and Orion. The knowledge that both of you soon to be in-laws heard you screaming their son’s name as he ravaged you was enough to make your face flush. Regulus found the whole thing hilarious.
“Calm down, love. What is mum going to do? Banish us to our rooms. I would be just fine with that.”
You put a hand over your face as the two of you stepped into the dining room. Walburga sat with a steaming cup of tea in front of her while Orion was looking over some papers for work. Orion didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered about what happened the prior night. He gave Regulus and yourself his typical good morning before going back to his work. Walburga on the other hand was eyeing the two of you like a hawk.
“I think we need to discuss what happened last night.”
She said sharply before stirring her tea. Regulus fought the urge to laugh. If he wanted to get away from his mother without being harmed laughing was a horrible way to start. He swallowed back his laughter before looking at his mother “innocently.” Regulus, after all, knew how to charm Walburga better than anyone. It was how he got 95% of the things that he wanted anyway so why wouldn’t it work today?
“Mum, I apologize. We didn’t realize that we were being that loud.”
You nodded.
“I’m sorry too. This is embarrassing for all of us.”
Orion didn’t look up or make a noise, which seemed to annoy Walburga further.
“As I have said before I am aware that the two of you have sex. That does not mean that neither of us wants to see or hear about it. That is supposed to be done privately, not loud enough for one's parents to overhear everything. We do not want to hear this again or I shall have to separate the two of you until you're married.”
Walburga was pleased when Regulus’ mouth dropped.
“Mother, we have been sleeping together for years. What do you honestly expect was going to happen with that arrangement?”
Walburga picked up a teacup saucer and tossed it at her youngest son.
“I suggest if you want to keep sleeping with Y/n to watch how you speak to me in this house.”
You didn’t dare to sneak a look at your fiance even though Regulus was squeezing your hands painfully hard. Walburga took a few moments before speaking again.
“If either of you step a toe out of line for the next few months...both of you will regret it.”
Orion finally looked up.
“Enough sex talk, Walburga. I am trying to drink my tea. The two get it. Right?”
Both Regulus and yourself muttered “yes sir” at the same time. Orion nodded and went back to his paper.
“There you go. Now leave them alone.”
Over the next few months, both Regulus and yourself were true to your promise to Walburga. Whether it be the fact that school was ending, not wanting to risk being separated, or something else neither of you was misbehaving in the slightest.
The last half of the year came and went faster than any in your memory. You barely had time to breathe in-between graduation and moving into the cute little town-home that Walburga had reserved.
“We don’t have to tiptoe around mum anymore.”
Regulus said with a smile as he sat the last box down. You didn’t fight the moment that he wrapped his arms around your waist.
“No, we don’t. We just have to worry about her dropping by at random moments when she realizes that she has nothing better to do now that we have moved out.”
You replied. Regulus sighed. You were right on that one. He had the bad feeling that Walburga would turn up at the beginning of every romantic the two of you would share for the foreseeable future. Regulus had been so thrilled about getting out on his own that he hadn’t even considered how his mother was going to react to having a “empty nest.”
“Damn it, so much for walking around the place naked. You know that woman will not give us a courtesy knock either. As soon as the damn wedding is over then we can give her some ground rules.”
You stood on your tiptoes and gently kissed Regulus’ chin.
“Everything will be fine. You should be patient with your mother. She’s going to be lonely.”
Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Then she needs to talk to my father or Kreacher. There are plenty of others in that house that she can drive crazy. We have done everything that she wanted. For months we practically haven’t touched each other in that house. Not to mention we behaved civilly at graduation and the parties...we upheld our end of the bargain. Now she needs to go join a ladies' day club or or something club and stop haunting us.”
You understood Regulus’ annoyance with his mother. It had been difficult to act as though Regulus and yourself were good little children anytime that Walburga was near. She had a strange talent of coming into a room anytime that Regulus had his lips on yours. Now you wanted to be able to kiss your soon to be husband anytime that you wished.
“Everything will be fine, love.”
You said with a smile as Regulus instantly grabbed his left arm. The expression on his face told you everything that you needed to know. He was being summoned (yet again). For the past few weeks between Voldemort and Walburga, you had been lucky to have five minutes alone with Regulus.
“I’ll be home soon.”
You nodded, knowing there was no use in arguing or begging Regulus to stay home. If Voldemort called, Regulus went running. You had to fight back the feeling of annoyance that was building in your stomach.
“Are you mad?”
Regulus asked as he pulled on his coat. You put your drink down.
“Between him and your mother, I am not getting much time with you.”
You weren’t surprised when Regulus gave you a displeased scowl. If you so much as said something bad about the dark lord Regulus was giving you hell.
“You know what I signed up for. I am not giving up a duty that I wanted to please you, Y/n. You, like my mother, need to find ways to fill your time without me being with you.”
Regulus knew that his response was cold but he was getting frustrated. In the beginning, you were proud of him for wanting to be a death eater. Now, you were suddenly becoming dismissive to the whole thing and it was getting on Regulus’ nerves. Between worrying about his mother’s overbearing nature and what Voldemort had him doing he didn’t have time for a nagging wife.
You didn’t say anything before turning and going into the kitchen. As much as you wanted to give Regulus some equally cold comment back, you knew that it would be for nothing. When Regulus was in death eater mode, he would listen to nothing that you had to say. If you did say something as cold and vindictive back, you would just get fussed at even more and you were in no mood for it.
What Regulus also didn’t know was you had been writing Sirius since Christmas about everything going on. There was no romance to the letters just sharing information. Sirius was worried to death about Regulus’ crazy decisions and the level of hate that Walburga had filled his head with. For you, it was nice to have an outlet to voice your own doubts on the ideology that you had grown up with. You had been doubting Voldemort for some time and it was nice to see that you weren’t crazy or being some jealous girlfriend who was pissy because her lover was away.
Sirius was as concerned about Regulus’ safety as you were. He was still offering to help keep the two of you safe if Regulus would stop being a death eater and join the order. You knew that wouldn’t go over well at all. Hell would freeze over before Regulus switched sides. You also knew that Regulus would leave you if you even suggested it. He would be so furious if he found out that you were talking to Sirius behind his back then to ask him to deflect would be a bigger kick in the balls.
Little did Regulus seem to realize, you hadn’t shared his pureblood beliefs in a long time. The two of you had “purebloods are the best and muggle-borns are rubbish” shoved down your throats since childhood. You had begun to question everything very early on but was afraid to make your feelings known. Maybe it was due to your aunt Druella threatening to you not to ruin your chances at marrying Regulus. You didn’t want to be a disappointment. After witnessing the way that Sirius was treated, you were even more afraid to speak up. If you were kicked out of the family, you would have no one to turn to.
“Y/n…”
You didn’t turn as Regulus’ voice pulled you from your thoughts. Why he hadn’t left yet was beyond you. Usually, Regulus would automatically apparate out when Voldemort called.
“Just go, Regulus.”
You coldly replied. At the moment, you couldn’t turn and look at him. You didn’t want to see that look in his eyes. Knowing that he was going to go torture or kill some innocent was something that you didn’t want to think about. You didn’t want to think about how the boy you had loved since childhood changed into someone that you didn’t know.
Regulus had changed…
The thought was startling to you. Looking up to the kitchen window, the thought came as a shock. You felt as if you had been smacked by a heavy book. Regulus was changing into someone you didn’t know. It wasn’t just when he was doing his job as a death eater it was all of the time. Perhaps you didn’t notice because you chose not to. Maybe you didn't want to accept that sweet boy that you played wedding with in Walburga’s back garden or the boy who could read you French poetry was now someone very different.
You have changed too…
You felt suddenly comforted by that comment. No longer were you the spoiled selfish princess whose only goal was to become Mrs. Regulus Black. You weren’t the girl that Druella and Walburga raised to be totally dependent on Regulus for everything. Now you wanted to see some good in the world. Good, that didn’t involve some dark lord with a superiority complex telling you how to believe toward another person’s blood status.
“Love...I didn’t mean what I said…”
You, again, didn’t turn to Regulus.
“You should go before you get into trouble.”
When you heard the front door shut, you turned. The living room now seemed very empty and quiet. You turned and went off in search of parchment. It was time to grow up.
“Another night alone…”
Regulus had been gone for an hour and a half when there was a knock at your door. Standing up, you frowned wondering who would be dropping by? Evan and Emma were at one of the Rosier estates in France celebrating their honeymoon and wasn’t due back for another week.
Dusting off your skirt, you slowly opened the door to see Sirius and Remus standing on the other side. Sirius immediately smiled but knew just by the look on your face something was wrong.
“I got your letter. You wanted to see me?”
You nodded and moved aside to let both men into the house. Remus seemed a little uneasy about coming in and you couldn't blame him. He was right for being worried about stepping into a known death eater’s home. You tried to give him a smile in hopes of providing some comfort. Remus only nodded and followed behind Sirius.
After shutting the door you turned back to your soon to be brother in law.
“I need you to talk some sense into Regulus. He won’t listen to me.”
Sirius frowned.
“What makes you think that he will listen to me?”
You ran a hand through your hair.
“I don’t want him to be killed working for Voldemort. He’s staying gone more and more. I don’t want to lose him to some madman.”
Remus and Sirius exchanged glances as Remus stepped closer. He didn’t have any personal issues with you. To Remus, you had always been kind but being kind didn’t mean that you wouldn’t turn back to “old ways” should it be required.
“Whose side are you on, Y/n?”
Crossing your arms over your chest. That was the million-dollar question and it had to be answered. Should you turn against your family to save Regulus or just be the “good wife” and watch him be destroyed? The answer was easy…
“I suppose that I am on your side now. I’m tired of always hating people and being miserable. I also don’t want to watch the man that I love die or be killed.”
That was the best statement that you could come up with. You had known of another death eater that had been killed by Voldemort personally for changing their mind about joining his side. The last thing that you wanted was for Regulus to be another one of those statistics.
“My offer still stands.”
Sirius said, keeping his voice gentle. Your eyes met him after a few moments.
“I just want Regulus safe.”
Before Sirius could respond the front door opened and closed. Regulus looked confused when he stepped into the living room. The last thing that he ever expected was to come home to Sirius and Remus standing in his living room.
“What the hell is going on here?”
He asked, immediately feeling on edge. Regulus’ night had been a shit show due to a new death eater chickening out of doing a murder that Regulus had to carry out. He was in a foul mood then finding the last person that he wanted to see in the world standing in his living room was a worse way to end the day.
Sirius turned his little brother. There was no denying that Regulus was a death eater. Just looking at his brother’s clothes told him everything that you said was right. Putting back the heartbreak, Sirius took a breath.
“Regulus, I know that you’re a death eater. The whole order knows.”
Regulus blinked a few times.
“Congratulations, you figured something out. If you have come to enlighten me on your discovery there is the door...now see your way out.”
Sirius shook his head.
“It's not that simple, Reg.”
Regulus nodded.
“Yes, actually it is. Open the door, step outside, then close it behind you. It’s very simple. I can even shove you out if you would like.”
Sirius had to fight back his own sass that was wanting to come out.
“Damn it, Regulus I am trying to save you.”
Regulus started chuckling at that comment. Sirius was trying to “save him.” That was cute and about 2 years too late.
“There is nothing that you can save me from. I have made my choice...just like you have.”
You finally looked up.
“Damn it, Regulus, listen to him!”
You snapped. Regulus turned his attention to you. Your face was unreadable. Regulus hadn’t seen that expression on your face before.
“Y/n, what are you talking about?”
Regulus asked. You sighed.
“He’s trying to help us so you won’t be killed or thrown into Azkaban. Regulus, I am scared for you. I know that you think you are doing the right thing but…”
Regulus held a hand up.
“Are you really agreeing with him? You’re supposed to be on my side! As my fiance, you are supposed to pick me.”
You softened your tone. Talking to Regulus like a child would get you nowhere.
“I am on your side that is why Sirius wants to help keep us safe. Regulus, I don’t want to lose you. People are dying on both sides and it's going for nothing. All of these innocent people are being killed and sooner or later Voldemort is going to pick on the wrong person and it will all go to hell. He won’t be there to keep you from prison or death. Reggie, you are just a number to him...he doesn’t care about the person that you are...our family...noth…”
“SHUT UP!”
Regulus yelled. You flinched and stepped back. He had never put an unloving hand on your before but telling him that his beliefs were wrong was likely to get yourself hexed.
Sirius stepped up.
“Reg, don’t yell at her. She is just…”
“Betraying me.”
Regulus interrupted. Sirius rolled his eyes.
“Dude, that is a little harsh. Y/n is trying to protect you. She isn’t handing you over to the Nazis. I think that you know that this side...this whole being some idiots henchman isn’t you…”
Regulus didn’t reply. His eyes coldly looked between Sirius and yourself. You stepped a bit closer to him.
“Sweetheart, please.”
Regulus started laughing bitterly.
“Let me have the ring back.”
The sentence stung worse than a thousand bees. You couldn’t help letting your mouth fall as your right hand traced over your engagement ring.
“What?”
You stammered. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Give me the goddamned engagement ring back. I am not about to marry a stupid blood traitor. Sirius, you can have her. I don’t want her now. Get your shit and get out, Y/n.”
When you didn’t move fast enough, Regulus closed the distance between your body and his. He had your hand in his and roughly yanked the ring off.
“Never speak to me again.”
He hissed before turning and walking from the room. Neither Sirius, Remus, nor yourself was able to say a word until the bedroom door slammed. You couldn’t move. Did Regulus really end things with you? You were too stunned to cry. The man that was supposed to love and protect you had thrown you away like rubbish. This was worse than the brief break up earlier in the year...this was permanent and you had no idea how you were going to handle it.
“Y/n, you can come with us.”
Remus’ voice was soft as he gently put a hand on your back. Sirius was as stunned as you were. He NEVER expected Regulus to say those cold words to you. You were Regulus’ pet and now he disposed of you like dirt on his shoes.
Sirius quickly pulled himself from his stupor and turned to you.
“Come on, Y/n. We’ll keep you safe.”
______
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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 95
warnings: nsfw
hold my hand masterlist
Ever since John got his results back from his doctor, things have been amazing in the Wick household. The two of you have been actively trying to get pregnant, but you’ve had no luck so far. Your honeymoon was amazing, and exactly what the two of you needed. It was nice to be away, just you and John, and just spend time together not stressing out about test results.
It’s a few days before Halloween and you’re just getting the last of the things that you’ll need -- basically just more bags of candy. Jimmy is having a Halloween party tonight, and you’re so excited to finally see what John has decided to dress as. You’ve been guessing, but he’s kept such a tight lip on it that it’s been pissing you off.
Running into the house, you head for the guest bedroom, and John furrows his brow as he watches you run past. You didn’t bother to stop and say hi because you know he’ll try to get a look at your costume. You’ve done such a good job at hiding it from him, but you remembered you were forgetting one crucial piece of your costume.
“What are you doing?” John asks, knocking on the door, “Just let me see your costume.”
“No!” you playfully yell at him from the other side of the door, “You haven’t shown me yours yet.”
“Because…”
You open the door and cock up an eyebrow, “Because it’s a secret, right?”
“Well, yeah.” he laughs and looks over your shoulder to see if he can see your costume, and you lightly punch him in the stomach as he laughs, “Okay, okay, I’ll stop.”
“You only have to wait a few more hours.” you push past John and grab his hand to keep him from going into the guest bedroom. “I can’t wait to see your costume. I honestly have no idea what you’re going to be, I certainly can’t see you dressing as a vampire or something.”
John shakes his head and laughs, “No, not a vampire.”
“A…chef?” you ask, sitting down on the couch, and John shakes his head again. “A mime?”
“Nope.” he smiles.
“Hmm…” you tilt your head to the side and think. You have no idea what John could be going as. The possibilities are endless, and John always likes to surprise you.
John looks at his watch to check the time, then slaps his hands on his legs, “Well, I better go shower and start to get ready.”
“Very good idea.” you lean over to kiss John and smile, “Me, too.”
The two of you head your separate ways, and John leans over the staircase railing to see you again, “Hey…”
“What?”
John smiles, “Can’t wait to see your sexy costume.”
“I bet you can’t.” you laugh loudly as you lock yourself in the guest bedroom.
__
You’re looking at yourself in the mirror, trying your hardest not to laugh. John is expecting something sexy, and your costume is…well, it’s sexy to you. John, on the other hand, you don’t know how he’ll react. You’re just hoping he’s actually going to wear a costume.
There’s a knock at the door that startles you, and you open it up to see Tess wearing her costume.
“Oh, my god. You look so cute!” you gasp and hug her tight. “How very Madonna of you!”
Tess laughs as she fluffs up her hair in the mirror, “Jimmy wanted to wear matching 80s costumes, so I was told him there’s no way in hell I’m not going as the iconic ‘Like a Virgin’ Madonna.”
“But what are you doing here?”
“Just wanted to check up and see the progress,” Tess laughs, then she gestures you, “John is literally going to die when he sees you. I just saw him in the kitchen, and he’s fully convinced you’re going as like…some sexy librarian or something.”
You look at Tess, furrowing your brow, “Did he actually say librarian?”
Tess brushes you off and heads for the door, “Anyway, I’ll meet you over there.”
“Okay.” you lock the door behind Tess and grab your jacket from the bed to put it on. Smiling wide, you fix your top, then grab your heels to put them on. You take a long look at yourself in the mirror and grab the plastic gun that you had bought earlier today at the dollar store, then you take a deep breath and exhale, “I’m John Wick.”
__
You had convinced John to head over to the party before you. You knew you wanted to make an entrance, and right now, only Aurelio and Amanda are at the party to help set up. Tess is on the front lawn with her phone pressed to her ear.
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure that he’s being good.” she says and nods her head, “Thank you so much. We’ll be over to get him in the morning. We really appreciate this. Okay, bye.”
When Tess looks up and sees you, she laughs so loud that you have to press your hand to her mouth to keep everyone from looking outside.
“Shh!” you put your finger to your mouth as you laugh.
“Oh…my god.” Tess backs away a little and checks you out, “You’re John. Well, actually I think you need to like put some blood on your face or something.”
You pull out the tube of fake blood and laugh, “I have the idea of putting it on more and more throughout the night. Oh, and I have a fake gun too.”
“Why didn’t you slick your hair back though? He always combs it back when he works.” Tess asks, tucking your hair behind your ears. “There, I mean, at least leave it tucked behind your ear.”
You fluff your hair back out and squint your eyes as you walk past Tess, “You’re such a mom.”
Opening the door to Tess’ house, you see Jimmy moving a table to the back patio. Amanda is dressed as a bubble bee, and Aurelio as a bee-keeper. They look so cute and you want to squeal, but you have to keep up your John Wick act.
“I gotta act…cool.”
Tess laughs, “You think John is cool? He’s not.”
“Yes, I am.” you say, trying to make your voice deeper. “I’m really cool.”
Tess looks at you as she laughs and walks into the living room to talk to Amanda. You playfully stumble in behind Tess, and Aurelio gets off the couch to help you.
“I’m fine.” you say, putting your hand out, “I’m fine.”
“Are you serious?” Tess laughs, then shakes her head as she look at Aurelio, “She’s--”
“You’re John.” Aurelio laughs.
“John Wick.” you reach out to shake his hand and try your best John impression.
You look over your shoulder to see John walking through the back door, and you try your hardest not to laugh when you see him in a gray pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt to match.
As you stumble over to John, he laughs loudly, “Really?”
“I’m John Wick.” you smile.
John laughs and gestures to you, “I see that. I’m pretty sure I’m not as cute as you are though. I also don’t look as good in a pair of heels.”
You lean closer to John and whisper, “Don’t ask if I’m workin’, you already know the answer.”
Laughing quietly, John walks a little closer to you, unsure if you’re going to let him hug you, and he smiles when you reach out for him. He hugs you tight in his arms as more people begin to come into the house, and he leans back to see your face.
“You look so sexy.” he says, looking down at your shoes then up at your face, “No beard though. Is it weird how turned on I am by this? Because I’m finding this very hot.”
“As you should!” you laugh as you kiss John, “So, Mr. Balboa...”
John laughs as he shrugs, “I couldn’t think of anything. I sat on the couch for hours and turned on the TV, and they were playing Rocky. Simple enough outfit.”
“I like it.” you smile, scooting closer to him, “I like you in sweatpants, and your cute little stocking cap. A little disappointed that you’re not in the shorts and robe though.”
John lets out a loud laugh, “Yeah, sorry, you’re missing out on all of that.”
“Well,” you trail your finger down John’s beard as you smirk, “I’ll get to see it later.”
__
The party has been going great so far, and John has been eyeing you all night. He keeps winking at you and wiggling his eyebrows when you look at him, and he looks so damn hot that you can’t wait to get home tonight.
Jimmy has invited quite a few of his friends to the party, and you’ve been laughing at all of their costumes. Your favorite so far has been the chicken. The only problem with so many people in the house is that it’s so damn hot. Stepping out onto the back patio, you tilt your back and exhale, watching your warm breath in the cold air. You take off your suit jacket and lift your arms to allow some air to flow through your shirt to cool you down, then you shiver from the sudden rush of cold air.
A noise behind you that startles you, and you squint your eyes a little to see who is behind you, “Hello?”
“Oh, sorry,” a man says, stepping into the light more, “Didn’t mean to scare you. I just needed a cigarette.”
You laugh a little, “It’s okay, I just…thought I was alone. Good thing I didn’t start talking to myself, that would have been embarrassing!”
Reaching out to shake your hand, the man smiles, “Gary.”
“Gary, hi, I’m Y/N.” you squint your eyes a little to get a better look at his costume, “Hawaiian shirt and jeans.”
Gary holds up a fake mustache and smiles, “A mustache.”
You snap your fingers as you think, “Oh, oh, oh! Yes! Hopper from Stranger Things!”
“You’re good!” he laughs, tucking the mustache back in his pocket, “If we play games, I want you on my team. Okay, so let me guess what you are. Uh, I have no idea.”
“I’m my husband.” you laugh and put your jacket back on.
Gary furrows his brow a little as he takes a puff of his cigarette, “And your husband is…”
“John.” you say, then you quickly add in his last name since he seems to have no clue who you’re talking about. “He’s inside, he’s dressed as Rocky Balboa -- his favorite movie.”
“Hmm,” he drops his cigarette to the ground and steps on it, “Don’t think I know him. Won’t lie, I’m a little bummed that you’re married. It’s a shame that you’re not single.”
You chuckle nervously, “Oh, uh, I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
“Maybe you can…give me your number.”
A creepy smirk spreads across Gary’s face as he moves under the light a little more, and you take a step back when he stops closer again.
Okay. You’re uncomfortable now.
You give him a polite smile, then you move past him a little, but he blocks your way. Exhaling loudly, you look up at him and shake your head as you hold his gaze. What is it with drunk guys at parties? You were being friendly with him and talking to him, but he had to go and ruin it.
“Excuse you.”
Gary laughs, “You don’t like me, do you?”
“I don’t know you.” you say, taking a step to your right, but he moves with you. “Don’t do this. Trust me, you don’t want to do this.”
You’re starting to get cold from standing outside, and you’re also starting to get a little scared. Gary is just about as big as John, a little more hefty than him, but he’s pretty scary. You take another breath and roll your eyes before you turn around and head to the gate that leads to the front of the house.
Gary grabs your jacket and pulls you back to him, but you turn around and punch him hard in the face, causing him to stumble back a few steps with his hand over his mouth and nose.
As he stumbles back a few more steps, you inch your way around him and head inside, frantically looking around for John. He’s laughing with Aurelio and Tess, and he looks over at you, immediately changing his demeanor when he sees your face.
“What’s goin’ on?” he reaches for your hand and pulls you aside, and he looks down to see the blood on your hand, “What the fuck happened?”
“I…punched someone.” you look up at John in shock, and you start to laugh a little in disbelief, “I just punched a guy.”
Tess grabs your arm, “You what?”
“Gary, I punched him.” you look down at your hand and see it shaking, “He grabbed my arm, so I turned around and just…punched him.”
John looks at Tess and shakes his head, “Who’s Gary?”
“I don’t know.” she shrugs, “We don’t know a Gary.”
You look over Tess’ shoulder when he walks into the house, and you hide around the corner a little so he won’t see you. Pointing at him, you look at Tess and John, and you watch John’s eyes narrow as he looks at him. The look of pure anger on John’s face causes you to shiver, and you frown when he looks back you.
“I didn’t even do anything. He was just standing in the yard and I started talking to him because he was back there smoking -- I was just being nice. I guessed his costume, then he tried to guess mine, and I immediately told him that I was married and that I was dressed as my husband. I was just being nice, I just wanted to be nice. I’m sorry.”
John cups your face and shakes his head, “Don’t do that. Don’t start apologizing like you’ve done something wrong.”
“But this is the second time it’s happened.” you say as you start to cry, “I was just being nice.”
John looks at Tess and puts his hand on her shoulder, “Take her and get her cleaned up.”
Tess puts her hands on your shoulders and pushes you, but you look at John and reach out for him, “Don’t get arrested, please.”
“I won’t.” John laughs.
Tess turns around and looks at him, “Don’t kill him on our new rug. We just bought it.”
__
You’re sitting on Tess’ bed while she looks over your hand, and you sigh as you look down at it. The blood is cleaned off of it, and thankfully it’s not swollen or anything. It surprisingly doesn’t have any pain, probably because of the adrenaline.
“Looks good, goose.” Tess says, looking up at you. She rubs your back a little to get you to look at her, then she gives you a small smile, “It’s not your fault.”
“This has happened twice now. First Matt, now this.” you sigh again as you look away from Tess, “Should I just never talk to someone because they might take it the wrong way? I told him I was married and he just started hitting on me, I didn’t even flirt with him. I don’t flirt. I don’t know how! I flirt with John, but that’s different. He’s my husband.”
Tess sighs, “Some…men just don’t understand. It’s disgusting. This isn’t your fault. He’s gross, I don’t even know who he is. I didn’t invite him, and I’m pretty sure Jimmy doesn’t know him.”
“So, who is he?”
“I don’t know. He must have come with someone.” Tess says, and the two of you look up when someone knocks on the door.
“Hey,” John smiles, then he hides his left hand when he comes into room. You cock up your eyebrow a little as he kneels down in front of you, and he places his right hand on your thigh, “Are you okay?”
“Show me your hand.” you say, and John holds up his right hand. You give him a disapproving look as a smile tugs at his lips, “Your other hand, Jonathan.”
John inhales deeply as he holds up his left hand, and you grab it to look over, but you see it’s free of any cuts and it’s not bloody. You furrow your brow slightly as you look at him, and he laughs as he looks at you.
“So, you washed your hands before you came in here.” you say, crossing your arms. “Did you kill him?”
Tess excuses herself from the bedroom and leaves you and John alone, and he gets off the floor and sits down next to you on the bed. He puts his arm around your waist and pulls you over so you can lean against his shoulder.
“I didn’t kill him. I didn’t even hit him.” he says, shaking his head, then he starts to laugh, “I can’t believe you punched him. What did you do?”
You look at John and make a fist, “I did what you taught me: decked him in the nose.”
“Oh, it’s broken. Well, if it wasn’t before…” he says, and you bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. “I didn’t hit him because I didn’t get to him first. A few other women said he was weird with him. Amanda said that he…groped her, so…”
“I bet Aurelio was pissed. I’d be more afraid of Amanda though. You and your friends love strong women, don’t you?” you say, and John laughs quietly as he nods. “I’m sorry that this happened. I mean, I know it’s not my fault. I really was just being friendly. You know that I wouldn’t do that to you, right?”
John furrows his brow, “What? Cheat on me?”
“Yeah.”
Turning to face you more, John looks you in the eyes and nods his head, “I know. I know you love me. I trust you. Do you doubt that?”
“Well, no. And I trust you. I’ve said before that I could put you in a room with the most beautiful woman in the world and I would trust you.”
John starts to smile, and you roll your eyes before he can even say something cheesy. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“Anyway.” you laugh as you look at John, “Seriously, I’m sorry our night was ruined.”
John gets up from the bed and stands in front of you, “It’s not ruined.”
John pulls you up from the bed and wraps his arms around you before he leans down and kisses you several times in hopes that it’ll take your mind off of things. He exhales as he lets go of you and looks down at your hands, inspecting them a little.
John presses a delicate kiss to your knuckles, then he looks at you and smiles, “You really are John Wick tonight. Dangerous little woman.”
Tilting your head back, you laugh as you look at him, “I just…didn’t even think. I shouldn’t have hit him though, that was a little out of line. I should have just pushed him.”
“No, you should have punched him.” he says, cupping your face, “I’m so proud of you. I worry about you so much, but it’s nice to know that you’re able to take care of yourself. Not that I ever doubted it since you’ve been kicking my ass lately when we would practice.”
Leaning closer to John, you wrap your arms around his neck and lock eyes with him as you bite your lip, “Why don’t we just go home? The party is almost over anyway.”
“You sure?” he asks, moving his hands down your back and underneath your jacket.
You bite your lip as you nod your head, “Yeah.”
__
Stumbling into the house, John pulls your jacket off and tosses it to the ground as he kisses you. He doesn’t even bother to unbutton your shirt, he simply rips it open, and you hear the buttons fall to the floor. He stops kissing you when he feels the plastic gun you have tucked into the back of your pants, then he holds it up and laughs.
“You got a gun?”
You ignore John and continue kissing his neck, “Keep kissing me.”
John drops the gun to the floor and lifts you up to wrap your legs around his waist, and it turns you on even more how effortless it was for him. He pins your body against the wall as he kisses you, then he opens your shirt a little more to get a look at your chest.
“You look so fucking sexy tonight.” he says, kissing down your chest and in between your breasts. “I’ve wanted to fuck you the moment I saw you.”
Letting out a small moan, you tilt your head back as John continues kissing your neck, but you stop him when you realize he’s going to leave behind marks. You wrap your arms around him tighter as he walks over and sets you down on the arm of the couch, and his lips are persistent on yours as you pull his sweatpants down, revealing his cock.
“We’re not going to make it to the bedroom, are we?” you laugh against John’s lips.
John shakes his head as he continues kissing you, “We haven’t the last four times.”
“Well, how about we at least make it to the guest bedroom?” you say, pointing over his shoulder.
John scoops you into his arms and shuffles into the bedroom, trying his best not to fall since his pants are around his ankles. He plops you down on the bed, then he kicks his shoes off so he can finally take off his pants. As John undresses himself, you sit up to take off your heels, then you lay back on the bed and remove your pants as you watch him.
The room is dark since it’s nearly midnight, so you reach over and turn on the lamp next to the bed so you’ll be able to see John. You lick your lips and hold John’s gaze as he crawls on the bed, then he leans down to kiss you, slipping his tongue into your mouth as the two of you moan. John opens his eyes to look at you, and he smiles as he leans back in to kiss you again. Propping himself up, he kisses and licks a path from in between your breasts to your belly button, then back up to your chest.
“John…” you whimper a little, tilting your head to the side so he can kiss your neck. “Will you do something for me?”
John sits up and nods, “Of course. I’d do anything for you.”
You smile as you look at him, rubbing your thumb against his beard, “Will you fuck me?”
“Oh, I can do that.” he nods, pulling off your bra, “I can definitely do that.”
You wrap your arms around John’s neck as he slowly slides himself between your legs, and you open your mouth to moan, feeling the pressure between your hips. You widen your legs more to allow him to slide in further, and you watch as John’s eyes roll shut.
John rocks his hips slowly at first, but he quickly picks up the pace as you pull your knees into your chest. You lay on your side a little and put one leg over John’s shoulder as he bucks his hips wildly, and he hums happily.
“Harder, baby.” you whine and feel John grabbing at your breast as he grunts. “Harder!”
John laughs as he leans down to kiss you, “I will tear you in half. I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”
Placing your hands on John’s ass, you push him in further and arch your back when he hits your hidden spot relentlessly. You’re tipping over the edge already, and every nerve in your body is pulled so fucking tight, you think they all might snap.
John’s mouth envelopes yours, and he bites your lip as he lays down on top of you, still thrusting his hips hard and pushing himself in deeper. The sound of John’s cock between your legs turns you on even more, and John looks down to watch himself. He lets out a moan that is so loud that it takes the two of you by surprise, and he shakes his head as he smiles when you look up at him.
“So fucking delicious.” he whispers against your cheek, “Does that feel good? Huh? When I fuck you like this?”
“Yeah,” you whine loudly as you squeeze your eyes shut.
He pulls out and lays down behind you, then lifts your leg back up to insert himself again. He holds your leg as he jerks his hips hard, and he rubs circles on your clit as you whimper and moan.
“Fuck, John.” your body shakes from pleasure, and you try to close your legs, but John keeps a good grip on your thigh as he gives his last few thrusts before he fills you up.
“Oh, my god, baby.” John pulls you close to his chest and kisses your neck as he continues to slowly thrust his hips. “Fuckin’ hell.”
You roll your hips lazily, still shaking from the pleasure, and you moan loudly into your blanket. The two of you are breathing heavily and your mouth is going dry from panting so damn loud, but it’s hard to catch your breath. You can tell John is afraid to pull out, but you start to move off of him and he holds tight to your hip.
“No, not yet.” he whispers, “Give it another minute. Just in case.”
You laugh loudly and wiggle back down on John’s cock, “Fine.”
John’s arms are so warm and comforting that you’re beginning to fall asleep in his embrace. You look over your shoulder a little and pucker your lips to kiss him a few times.
“I love you.” you whisper, finally rolling over to face him. “I love you so much.”
John laughs and looks at the ceiling, and you notice his eyes are a little glassy from tears.
“Hey,” you sit up a little and look at him with a genuine concern, “Hey, what’s going on?”
“I just love you so much, and I can’t wait to have a family with you. I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.” he wraps his arms around you and pulls you onto his chest.
You chuckle softly as you look up at study his features, “You’re the sweetest man I’ve ever known, you know that?”
__
It’s finally Halloween, and you’re beyond excited to see all of the kids in their costumes. The book shop is having a little party for kids, and if they come in with a costume on, they get a free book! Any book of their choice! Totally John’s idea.
Employees are more than welcome to dress up, and you’re so happy to see that Grace is dressed up -- Little Bo Peep. Tony is dressed in a onesie that looks like a sheep, and you have to laugh at how unbelievably obvious they are about dating. They’re trying their hardest to hide it from you and John, but you’re not oblivious. You and John are the last people to ever judge anyone for dating, and you have no problems with them dating as long as they don’t let it affect their jobs.
John is sitting in a chair near the front door so he can give all of the kids a gift bag when they come in, and you smile as you grab your purse and head over to stand next to him. He’s been sitting there all afternoon and greeting kids, and you’ve been internally screaming over how absolutely adorable he is.
“I am…a…robot.” Benji says, mimicking a robot, and Amanda laughs when you look at her. “Need…candy.”
John laughs, “You’ll have to come to the house later for candy.”
You lean down a bit and smile, “We got all your favorites!”
Benji looks up at Amanda and tugs at her shirt, “Can we please go to their house tonight?”
You laugh as you nudge Amanda, “We live in a rich neighborhood. Full size candy bars.”
Benji widens his eyes even more as he looks up at Amanda, and she laughs as he nods her head, “Yes, baby, we will go to their house tonight.”
“Hey,” you pat John’s shoulder and look at him, “I have to run to the store and grab a few things, so I’m gonna take off a little early.”
John nods, “Okay.”
Leaning down, you kiss John a few times, then you smile at him before you leave the shop. As you head for your car, you try to contain yourself, but your excitement is a little overwhelming. You’re not even sure, but you figure you should just do it anyway. You need to take a pregnancy test.
__
John called you to let you know that he was closing up the shop and that he’ll be on his way home soon, and you’re frantically running through the house to try and get into the bathroom to take the pregnancy test before he gets home. Your period is a few days late, so you’re starting to get a little suspicious. You don’t really feel any different, but that doesn’t really mean anything at this point.
You sigh as you look down at the box of pregnancy tests, then you look up when you see John standing the doorway to the bathroom -- he’s much quieter than you’d realized.
John looks down at the box in your hands, then he smiles when he looks at you, “Do you want me here for this?”
Leaning back against the sink, you bite your lip nervously, “I don’t know if I want to take it yet.”
“Why not?” John asks as he walks closer.
“Because we’re about to have a bunch of little kids show up at our house, and I don’t want my mind to be occupied with something else. I don’t know. I don’t want it to come back negative, then I have to sit and watch kids come up to our house for an hour while I try to hold back tears.”
John nods, “That makes perfect sense.”
“And if it’s positive, I just want to sit in your arms all night and we can’t do that if kiddos are coming to the house.” you say as you place the test on the counter and look up at John, “So much for surprising you.”
“I had no idea you were even in here, I just came up here so I could use the bathroom.” he laughs, and you move past him to let him have the bathroom. “Hey, come here for a minute.”
You walk back over to John and place your hands in his, “What?”
“No matter what the result will be, it’s going to happen. Okay?”
Inhaling deeply, you look up at John, plastering a fake smile on your face, “Okay.”
You close the bathroom door behind you, then you head downstairs to get things ready for trick-or-treaters. You know that you’re a little too eager to take this test, but you’re just really wondering if you’re pregnant. You’re excited, you’re scared, it’s understandable.
Biting your cheek, you mindlessly get the candy ready and step out onto the porch to light the candles in the pumpkins that you and John have carved, then you turn on the porch light to let the kids know that you’re home.
You inhale deeply again and exhale slowly, “Just stay calm.”
__
Since it’s warmer tonight, you and John decided to get the camping chairs and just sit at the end of the driveway. It’s a bit of a long driveway anyway, so you know kids will be a little tired. John is still passing out candy, and he’s so sweet and cute with all the little kids. They’re getting a kick out of Bleu, who is wearing a teddy bear costume. The packs of kids are beginning to dwindle down now that it’s getting later, but there are still a few kids on the block coming up the street.
You’re in the kitchen getting yourself something to drink as quick as you can since Amanda has texted you to let you know that she’s on her way over with Harper and Benji. Tess is also coming over with Finn too!
Walking back down the driveway, you see John sitting in the chair as he talks with a little boy about his costume.
“Spider-Man.” the little boy says, then he sprays John with silly string. “That’s my web.”
“I’m so sorry.” his mom laughs, reaching over to pull the silly string out of John’s hair, “I nearly begged him not to bring that with, but kids, you can’t resist their cute little faces.”
John laughs, “Hey, I get it.”
“Sorry again, you have some, uh…” she reaches over and pulls silly string out of John’s hair, leaning a little closer to make sure she’s gotten it all. She finally looks up at you and smiles, then she stands up and reaches for her son, “Happy Halloween.”
“Happy Halloween.” John says, waving at the little boy as he walks down the driveway. He looks over his shoulder at you and smiles, “Come join me.”
You sit back down next to John and look over at him, “I’m getting really anxious to take this test. I’m starting to feel sick.”
“Hey,” he reaches over and touches your cheek, “Everything will be okay.”
“I’m totally going to be a chronic tester.” you say, and John furrows his brow like he doesn’t quite understand what you mean. “I’m going to take a pregnancy test every damn time I feel any difference in my body. We have sex, and I’ll immediately take a test a few days later. I’m already starting to do it.”
John sits back in his chair as he holds your hand, “Well, we’ll just buy tests every time we go to the store then.”
Laughing quietly, you look over at John, “I love how much you indulge me.”
__
“You can do this.” you whisper to yourself as you stand in front of the toilet.
John wraps his arms around your waist and presses a kiss to your cheek, “I’ll be just outside the door. Well, I mean, I’ll be in the bedroom, I won’t just be standing right outside the door.”
You look over your shoulder at him and nod, “Okay.”
John gives you a reassuring smile before he leans down to kiss you several times, then he leaves you alone in the bathroom. Unwrapping the pregnancy test, you begin to shake a little as you unbutton your jeans. You stick the test between your legs and close your eyes as you try your best to pee on the stick. On second thought, you should have just peed in a cup and put the stick in it, but you’re here now.
Quickly putting the cap back on the test, you set it on the counter and finish using the bathroom and washing your hands before you join John in the bedroom. He looks down at his watch for the time, and he smiles when you sit down next to him.
“You’re so quiet.” John says, wrapping his arm around your waist, “What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”
You exhale, laughing a little, “I don’t know. I’m starting to feel like I’m not pregnant. I feel like I jumped the gun on this one.”
John rubs his hand over your back and leans over to kiss your head, “Yeah, but we should take one just in case. Because what if you are, and you drink? Or what if you’re pregnant and we don’t know, and something happens and you get into a car accident?”
You laugh loudly, “I can’t believe how sweet you are.”
Reaching over for the test, you hold it in your hands and look up at John as he begins to grow a little more nervous. You reach up and touch John’s face as you lean over to give him a warm kiss. He inhales deeply as he kisses you, pulling you closer to him and into his lap. The kisses are slow and wet, and you wrap your arm around John’s neck as you get situated on his lap.
John leans back and cups your face, rubbing his thumb against the apple of your cheek, “No matter what, this is just one test. We’ll keep trying every month until we get it right.”
“Yeah,” you nod as you get a little teary-eyed. “Here we go.”
You flip the test over and see the thick pink line indicating that you’re not pregnant, and you immediately lean your head against John’s shoulder as you cry. He tugs the test from your hands and wraps both of his arms around you, letting you cry it out for a few moments.
“Baby, look at me.” John whispers, and you lean back to look at him. “This is one test. Just one! We’ll try again.”
“It’s not. It’s two! We took one over the summer.”
John smiles slightly, “That doesn’t even count. You had just gotten off your birth control but it was still in your body.”
You wipe away the tears on your cheeks and sigh, “But what if we keep trying and you get tired of it?”
John laughs, “You think I’m going to get tired of having sex with you?”
“Well, no.” you shrug as you look down, “But I don���t want you to think I’m like…barren or something.”
John lets out another laugh as he holds you tight and lays back on the bed, “I don’t think that, and I would never think that. We know you’re not, we went to the doctor to make sure of it.”
“I just know how bad you want kids, and I want to give that to you.” you admit as you look over at John, “I want kids too. I want us to have a really cute baby!”
John trails his finger over your face and down to your lips, “And we’ll have that. This is just one time, baby. We’ll try again. When do you get your period next?”
“Well, it’s late.” you shrug, “But I’ll probably get it tomorrow. I can already feel the cramps coming. So, we could have avoided this whole situation if I had just waited until tomorrow.”
Letting out a small laugh, John look at you and smiles, “It’s okay. It was fun to think that it was happening.”
You roll over onto your stomach and look at John, and you wrap your right arm over his stomach, “It will happen. Soon, I promise.”
“Isn’t it funny how I was reassuring you a minute ago, and now you’re reassuring me?” John chuckles, “See? This is why we’re perfect for each other.”
You close your eyes as John sits up to kiss your cheek, then you lay back and look at him as he lays down next to you. He gently rubs his nose against yours as you smile, then you open you eyes and reach over to cup his face.
“It’s going to happen.” he whispers against your lips, “We just need to be patient.”
“Yeah, I know.” you sit up and sigh, then you look over at John, “We should go get some ice cream because I’m sad.”
John laughs as he gets off the bed, “Anything for you, peach.”
Reaching up for John’s hand, you hold tight to it and smile when he leans over to kiss your cheek before the two of you head to the stairs. John stands in front of you and holds your gaze as you look up at him, and you laugh quietly when he raises his eyebrows.
“It’s going to happen.” he whispers, nodding his head.
You nod, “I know.”
“Don’t get down on yourself about it,” John pulls you into his arms and kisses your cheek, “We got this, baby.”
“We do.”
A smile grows on John’s face as he slides his hands down to your ass, “We can always...practice.”
“Yeah, sure.” you scoff as you look up at John, then you yelp loudly when he lifts you up and carries you back to the bedroom.
__
taglist: @callmeglenncoco | @ficsnroses | @tnu-ree | @keanureevesisbae | @cheekybluefox | @hylianhbu | @tea-time-fun-posts | @star017 | @jessicajones616 | @sweetgoodangel | @aragornswife | @wheretheriversrunintothesea | @emptywords92
#john wick imagine#john wick x you#john wick x reader#fic: hold my hand#me @ john and reader: we gon get u that baby#also reader at that party lmaoooo we love ha
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Lavender-Inked Silence
Pairing: Fitz Vacker/Keefe Sencen
Wordcount: 1,883
Summary: Peer grading isn’t fun by any measure, but they can trust each other not to judge. And it’s nice, having a little note to look at before he goes home and has to explain to his father why he only got a 95 on the science test.
(Keefe keeps all these notes in a box under his bed, ripping them out of tests and rereading them when he can’t sleep. He’s not quite sure why, but they help.)
(There are quite a lot of notes, over the years.)
Notes: Thanks to @loverofallthingssmart for the prompt and @vibing-in-the-void for betaing! (Also for coming up with the title “a for effort, g for gay”, which is the best thing i’ve ever heard.
Taglist: @everyonehasthoughts, @clearlykeefitz, @loverofallthingssmart, @a-lonely-tatertot, @enbies-and-felonies, @molly-sencen, @lemontarto, @appalyneinstitute1, @ruewen-and-rising, @silver-snow, @linhamon-roll, @hyperlollypop, @never-ever-too-many-fandoms, @keeper-of-the-lost-queers, @impostertamsong, @vibing-in-the-void, @yeetersofthelostcities, @mistythegirlfluxmess, @diamond-dreamerr, @we-have-no-bananas-today, @an-absolute-travesty
(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood.)
Spelling tests are, in Keefe’s opinion, the worst thing in the world.
Some words are easy; “fan”, for example, or “kitten”. They’re written exactly how they sound, so Keefe has no problem with them. It’s only with others that he gets tripped up, the extra vowels and unnecessary consonants, combined with Keefe’s terrible spelling, twisting words into unrecognizable shapes.
The worst part is, he knows most of these words- he’s seen them in books his father has made him read. He can see the letters in his mind, can see the definition of the word. When he tries to write them down, though, it turns into something completely different.
“Neither,” the teacher says, walking slowly around the room. “Neither. ‘Not the one nor the other of two people or things; not either’. Neither.”
Niether, Keefe writes, then scribbles it out and changes it to netheir. That doesn’t look right either, but the teacher has already moved on.
“All right, last one,” she calls as Keefe adds a bill and tiny feet to the duck he’s doodled earlier. “Beer. ‘An alcoholic drink made from yeast-fermented malt flavored with hops.’ Beer.”
To be quite honest, Keefe is pretty sure he knows how to spell beer. Although, with everything he’s learned about spelling, it’s very possible there’s another vowel in there somewhere. Maybe an a?
But that would be bear, and time’s running out.
Baer, he scribbles down just as the teacher comes to collect his paper. She gives it a cursory glance, raising an eyebrow in an expression that reminds Keefe of his father. “We’ll be partner-grading these,” she says cooly. “So when you get someone else’s test, I’ll put the answers on the board and you can mark which ones are wrong.”
Keefe sighs a little, tapping the edge of his desk with his pencil. He’s positive he got almost everything wrong, and now one of his classmates will know too.
Figures.
He corrects the (few) errors on the test he’s given angrily, not even glancing at the name on the top until he’s done. When he does, his stomach drops a little.
Fitzroy A. Vacker, the signature at the top reads. Fitz; one of the best students in their class, so well known he can’t walk down the hall without being high-fived. And if Keefe has his test, that means-
“Here you go.” Keefe’s test drops back onto his desk, the other boy appearing next to him. Wordlessly, Keefe hands him his test. Fitz nods and walks back to his seat, and Keefe picks up the paper.
It’s not as bad as he was expecting. He made a lot of mistakes, true- apparently beer is not, in fact, spelled with an a- but there are no rude comments. Just corrections made in light purple pen.
And in the corner, next to Keefe’s halfhearted doodle of a duck, is a little note.
I like your drawing, it says, and then, you’re a really good artist.
You’re a really good artist.
No one’s ever said that to Keefe. Art isn’t a thing he’s good at, because it’s not a thing he does for fun- it’s not a thing he’s allowed to do for fun.
But here, out of the blue, this compliment from someone he barely knows because he drew a stupid duck.
Keefe stares at the paper and smiles.
(He doesn’t know, not yet. But this, in the form of a lavender-inked note on a spelling test, is the start of something amazing.)
-/-
He doesn’t talk to Fitz, of course. That would be stupid. They’re not friends, so no matter how much he’d like to thank the other boy, he doesn’t. He stays silent, keeps to himself, doesn’t ask his father to arrange a playdate. (Father would be overjoyed if he asked. That’s probably why Keefe doesn't.)
No, he doesn’t do anything until they have a math quiz.
Keefe is actually pretty good at math. Addition and subtraction have always come easy to him, so he breezes through the questions and is done with time to spare. When Fitz’s quiz lands on his desk again, he’s barely even surprised; they’ll probably just be partnered up for the rest of the year.
He is surprised, though, when the grade comes out to an 85/100. Not bad, but not good either; certainly not what Keefe would have expected for everyone’s favorite Golden Boy.
But then he remembers the way his father had sneered when he’d come home with his spelling test. The hours he’d had to study on a subject he didn’t understand, words swimming in front of his eyes.
Everyone’s bound to have one bad subject. Maybe this is Fitz’s.
So Keefe puts a little :) next to the grade, writing great job! before standing up and handing it off to Fitz. The other boy looks at the paper, his face scrunching up as he reads the grade then melting into surprise when he sees the note.
“Thanks,” he says, looking up at Keefe. “You too.”
(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them.)
(But Fitz’s smile, right then, speaks volumes.)
-/-
By third grade, Fitz has switched to using a sky blue pen, and by fifth, he’s writing with green. One thing never changes, though- he and Keefe are always in the same class, and they always grade each other’s work.
It’s more a decision than a teacher-mandated thing. Peer grading isn’t fun by any measure, but they can trust each other not to judge. And it’s nice, having a little note to look at before he goes home and has to explain to his father why he only got a 95 on the science test.
(Keefe keeps all these notes in a box under his bed, ripping them out of tests and rereading them when he can’t sleep. He’s not quite sure why, but they help.)
(There are quite a lot of notes, over the years.)
CHEMICAL CHANGES QUIZ: Fitzroy A. Vacker, Class 302
98/100. Pretty sure a flame test isn’t setting something on fire, but good job anyway! I drew you a flower in compinsashun so you would feel better. -Keefe
Basic Fractions Worksheet: Keefe S, Class 401
100/100! You’re so good at math. -Fitz
Exports & Taxation in the American Revolution: Fitz Vacker, Class 503
100/100. This was really good! I couldn’t stop laughing at the sentence “the colonists rebelled by throwing tea in the ocean”, though. -Keefe
(And there are others, too, not written on schoolwork; tiny messages scrawled in the margin of a sheet of paper and folded into a tight square.)
(Blue ones.)
I passed the principal on my way to class. She’s… not happy. Did you really cover her office in paint? -F
They have no proof. -K
(Green ones.)
Hey, can you come over this afternoon? -K
Yeah, sure. What’s up? -F
I just… I don't want to be alone with my parents. They’re always… nicer. When you’re around. -K
Ok. -F
(And in eighth grade, when Fitz has run out of different colors of pens and is back to purple, there are purple ones.)
Are you going to Stina’s party next weekend? -F
I might. If you’re there. -K
(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them. Of breaking yourself.)
(There are a lot of messages. None of them mean much.)
(Keefe keeps them anyway.)
-/-
The house is packed, people laughing and whooping over the loud music. The lights are flashing, there’s something suspiciously bitter in the punch, and almost everyone here is a stranger.
Keefe’s been at this party for five minutes. He already regrets coming.
In the crowd, someone lets out a high shout. Fitz flinches slightly at Keefe’s side, taking a step closer to the other boy.
“You want to get out of here?” Keefe murmurs in his ear. Fitz nods and they turn towards the door.
The diner they stop at on the way home is bright, but the lights are constant and the slowly rotating cheesecake in the display case is as familiar as it is inedible. Keefe breathes a sigh of relief. “That was terrible,” he says, taking a seat at the counter. Fitz laughs.
“It really was, wasn’t it? I think most of the people there were highschoolers.”
Keefe nods, thanking the man behind the bar who’s handed him a burger. Fitz is drinking a strawberry milkshake.
“Honestly, I don’t want to go to high school if that’s what people are like.”
Fitz raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think you have much of a choice there, unfortunately.”
“Eh, I don’t know.” Keefe takes a bite of his burger, chewing thoughtfully. “I could always just get held back a year. Wouldn’t be too hard, with my track record.”
Fitz laughs again, bright and happy under the fluorescent lights. Keefe watches him, watches the way his eyes crinkle at the corners, the way his nose scrunches up. He’s beautiful.
Beautiful. Where did that come from?
(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them. Of breaking yourself. Sometimes there are realizations under bright-bright lights that you can never say.)
Beautiful.
Hmm.
Shit.
-/-
As it turns out, being in love with your best friend isn’t as hard as it sounds.
Keefe hasn’t managed to get rid of his feelings, by tenth grade, but he’s managed to ignore them. Ignore the way his gut clenches whenever Fitz grins at him, ignore the flush that appears on his cheeks whenever their hands brush. Ignore, ignore, and hope Fitz ignores too.
There’s less peer-grading in high school. Tests and projects are more important now, so the teachers grade them in most of his classes.
Except in Spanish, because apparently the teacher just doesn’t care.
Keefe marks the last incorrect verb conjugation on Fitz’s test, doodling a tiny heart in the paper’s margin and handing the paper to the boy sitting across the aisle from him. Fitz glances at it, eyes narrowing slightly. Keefe knows that look- that’s his determined look.
He’s not quite sure why Fitz would have something to prove right now, though. He scored a solid 97. Unless-
Shaking his head, Keefe forcefully directs that train of thought.
It comes crashing back in just a second, though, when Fitz hands him his graded test.
100! It says at the top in purple pen. Do you want to get dinner with me?
Keefe glances up and towards the other boy, who’s staring at the board as if it contains the secrets of the universe instead of the quiz answers. With shaking fingers, he writes a single word and passes the paper back.
(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them. Of breaking yourself. Sometimes there are realizations under bright-bright lights that you can never say.)
(And sometimes, there are notes written in multicolored pens, years and years of silent conversations. A message on top of a Spanish quiz that promises something amazing. Sometimes, there is a word, unspoken but still heard.)
Yes.
(Sometimes, a lavender-inked note is all you need.)
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Stray Kids Playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons
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A/n: M.List linked down below! | My very first reaction!!! :D I hope you all enjoy <3
Tag List: @distrikt9 @hanniiesuckle17 @smolboiseavey (Let me know if you’d like to be added!)
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✧ Bang Chan ⇢ STAY Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Crisp Ringleader
Okay family
As our ENFJ king Chan would totally have a island that revolved around the others
Sure he’d have his own space too
But he’d def be one to put up lots of fun camping space and interactive inventions
A cute little barbecue grill on the beach with a wooden table and log benches 🥺🥺 and a picnic area too
I feel like he’d also go out of his way to breed black roses but that may just be me 😂🤷🏻♀️
Black and white flowers everywhere, and maybe some red roses too?
He’d also be a generous donator and frequently visit the others to see if anyone needed help with anything
Just stopping by to check in and drop off some hardwood, or iron, maybe even gold
...That’s a big maybe on the gold cause we all know that stuff ain’t common and if you want Marshal on your island you better have some handy
In addition to this, I think that the generosity would only go so far and he’d be quite the tease too
Running around left and right ratting the others out during pranks and “borrowing” things from the others
“where’d my recipe for gold armor go???”
🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ “idk bro I think I saw Minho running off with it?”
For villagers, he’d have a plethora of the animal kingdom on his island
Anyone is welcome
You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit 🥴
He’d def have mentions of Stay on his island too
And the guys, his squad
A Stay flag and Stray Kids written in the sand somewhere
Maybe vice versa
His character would likely be of similar resemblance but I can totally see him playing with the fun hair colors and face paint
His wardrobe would consist of similar attire too: black, white, caps, hoodies, and chains
Y’all AC fans know that one punk outfit with the chains across the bodice? He’d own that
His home is a toss up: on one hand it could be very chill and cozy, but on another I’m seeing workout gear in one corner and iron tables and a TV and radio going, maybe (definitely) a music studio setup (similar to Weber’s home but more hardcore LMAO)
All in all, I think Chan would be a chill/causal player that would be happy to help his friends and community while also playing hard ball once in a while just to mess with everyone 😂♥️
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✧ Lee Minho ⇢ Soodori Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Total Genius
Soodori is a combination of Minho’s cats
Your boy Minho couldn’t resist the ingenious idea
He’d pondered for the longest time which of his precious babies was going to be awarded the title of his island; an impossible decision
Then along comes our creative leader, “why don’t you just use all three?”
‼️‼️‼️
Genius!1!1!!1!1 😩✨
On Soodori, you bet all the villagers are cats; if you don’t have pointy ears and a swishing tail, Access Denied 🙅🏻♀️
This means you, Han
Villagers included would consist of Raymond, who may or may not be an island celebrity
And let’s not forget Queen Ankha
But to Minho, all his cat citizens are equally loved and cherished as a valid part of the community
His whole aesthetic would be cats too
That includes a cat cafe
His flag would probably be a paw print 🐾 or his cat’s names, maybe a cute scribbling of their faces
And if you disrespected that, there’d be blood to pay
I can see his character closely resembling him as well, with a little paw print on his cheek? Maybe some whiskers?
He’d thoroughly enjoy visiting the others islands “if he absolutely had to”
Swipe some goods
And bundle them up to go on the plane out ✈️
For the most part, I see him being more of a hermit on his island that only heads out On Demand
Even then, it’s kind of a toss up: good luck getting him to leave his children behind
If you’re nice to him, he MIGHT let you come and view the splendor...m a y b e
But you better not touch or take anything 🗿🔥
Shoot, when it came to special visitors, like Redd or K.K., he’d probably try chasing them off
Put those tools to use
There’s more than one way to skin a cat
(Don’t tell him I said that tho 👀💧)
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✧ Seo Changbin ⇢ DARK Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Music-Loving Loner
Dark, dark, dark
We all done knew, didn’t we?
Changbin is the KING of darkness
So it goes without saying that his whole island would radiate the stuff, too
It may seem depressing and a little emo at first, but eventually the concept comes off being pretty cool
...In an angsty, Evanescence sort of way
He’d probably be very lost on how to play at first...at first
He’s got Felix and Chan to help him tho, so he’d be breeding black flowers before you know it
Maybe a little gray and navy blue tones to break up the solidarity somewhere
I’m seeing a kind of night sky aesthetic, maybe some astrology furniture???
Look out, Celeste
She’s gonna be running to Big Brother Blathers saying some scary short guy is following her around the woods
Poor Binnie just wants a Starry Sky wall...until he sees how bright it actually is
Then it’s 💯 a fat pass
Binnie would kindly welcome all sorts of villagers while being minorly selective
After all, we can’t break the darkness with some cheery-idol-wannabe villager, or some Judy the anime bear
I can say with utmost certainty at 95% that his whole wardrobe would be black caps and hoodies
Maybe a plain black tee
Some black pants
And
White or black sneakers 🥴✨
I think he would be pretty intent on building up his island...in particular, collecting all the artifacts and critters for the museum
He’d work hard but not go crazy or stress about it and still take lots of time to just chill in his deep dark vibes
Maybe get out once in a while to visit Felix and learn a thing or two
Overall, we see through your front, Bin; you may have a dark vibe but you’re really just a small big softie ☺️
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✧ Hwang Hyunjin ⇢ Kkami Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Soothing Season
Welcome to Kkami Island, which was almost named something else aesthetically cute like Honeycomb or Applepuff
However, like Minho, Hyun simply couldn’t resist a chance to use his precious baby’s name
On Kkami, life is pretty chill: EXCEPT WHEN ITS SERIOUS 🔥
That’s right folks
This boy may have some vibing days and go at his own pace
But don’t be fooled: he plays to win
Plant those money trees
Enter those QR codes
Carve out those pathways
Where is Blathers we have a donation 😤😤
Hyunjin would be a steady-paced worker bee 🐝
He’d likely be selective of his villagers and go for cute ones
Possibly top to secondary tier
When it came to games and get togethers, you’d likely find him chasing another member with a net or an axe, in most cases Jisung
“qUiT LEaViNG TrASh oN mY iSLaNd!!1!1!1!” 💢
“DROP THAT DIY!1!1!1!!1”
Let’s see
His whole island aesthetic would be cute and peaceful:
Plants, terrariums, soft sunlight...
There’d be so many flowers!!! Hyunjin would have a whole colorful flower field 🥰🌸
White and wooden furniture in and around the home
An adorable tea and snack time plaza too! And a library!!! 📖✨
Very cozy and sweet ♥️
Though, shoot, if he had the energy, this guy may just build himself a palace... 🏰
Regardless, just look for the boy with the staple headband and likely some face paint to boot
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✧ Han Jisung ⇢ Swag HOT Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Trendy Supreme Being
(Edit: Minho convinced Felix to hack his account and changed this to Untossable Trash)
Ohhh boy
I bet y’all were waiting patiently for this one
Or maybe you jumped right to it
Either way here we go:
Han Jisung would be the king of the trash heap
And by that I mean this guy would save up all his bells and buy himself a crown 👑 where he’d sit atop a throne of garbage
BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE TRASH EVERYWHERE SIS 😩😩
This guy would be yeeting furniture and garbage all over the place
...Okay maybe that was a bit overdramatic
Maybe not EVERYWHERE...
......
...It’d be pretty messy tho
He’d probs have traps set up too
You step off the plane and get catapulted into the ocean, if that were a thing
You’d have to navigate and hop around discarded junk for sure
He’d have clothes here, a fan there, a...urinal...on the beach???
.........o k a y ._.💧
Han Jisung wouldn’t be all that competitive when it came to gathering every fruit or collecting all the fish
He doesn’t have the patience for that
He needs to run around and be free, letting his mind wander while wrecking havoc for everyone else; which is also Minnie’s job but we’ll get to that later
For villagers, he’d have at least one squirrel or two (Marshal?! :D) but I’m not so sure it’d really matter...all that much?
I’m not sure he’d even want many villagers at all
He’d be spending most of his time crashing other member’s islands and leaving little surprises like a useless DIY they already have or a fake painting he got roped into buying bc he was too lazy to check if it was genuine =_=
Everyone got sick of it pretty quickly but no one like Minho or Hyunjin; he’s permanently banned from those two locations and Jeongin’s considering adding him to the list next
Despite there being so much junk, his house would have an almost decent vibe: lots of instruments and fun gear, along with some random clothes, a lava lamp, and...another urinal 🗿💧
Seriously, someone get this boy a closet and some coaching in organization
Chan and Changbin are working on hiring Minnie but it’s not going too well; for one he charges too much
Maybe you can talk some sense into him...
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✧ Lee Felix ⇢ YEET Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Festive Chum
Okay y’all
Felix
Would be
THE KING
OF ANIMAL CROSSING
THIS BOY WOULD HAVE
ALL THE FRUITS!!! 🍎🍐🍊🍒🍑🥥
ALL THE FLOWERS!!!🌷🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻
I MEAN EVERY COLOR OF EVERY COMBINATION
A COMPLETED MUSEUM 🖼 🐜 🐠
I MEAN BEFORE ART WAS ADDED, HE HAD EVERYTHING RARING TO GO
NINTENDO WAS LIKE “wtf?!”
YEAH SIS, HE’S THAT GOOD
Boy would have a five star island all sorted into perfectly measured categories
An amusement park, a picnic area, a freaking ranch probably 🐮
Some awesome neighborhood for his tier one villagers with a YMCA down the street
A fancy one at that
I mean this boy would have it all
Expect a competitive softie that really just wants to have fun but like
He’s gonna win too lmao
He’s got his Nook Miles program all maxed out
When playing with the others, he comes up with really creative solutions when faced with a crisis
That’s because this smart cookie knows the ins and outs of the game
There was one time where he fenced Jisung in like the creepy Easter bunny and left him for ded oop
That was a bad day for Jisung and a hilarious day for everyone else
He felt bad about it but he also wanted that Subway gift card 🤷🏻♀️
Each day is a new hair color for Felix
Sometimes every few days or a week
He sometimes likes to synchronize it with his current hair color but
Experimenting is also fun
Face paint too! 🌈 He chooses a warpaint print he found on Pinterest, for days when the gang gets together for a game of tag or bug catching contests
Even if he doesn’t win, Felix always makes it into the Top 3
And he has a lot of fun doing so! 😊
He’s just one heck of a gamer is all
And his whole aesthetic shines brighter than the sun T-T ☀️
♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫
✧ Kim Seungmin ⇢ Seungmin’s Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Radiant Boy
Like Felix, Seungmin would be an ace at AC
He wouldn’t get everything right off the bat
But he’d put in a logical tried-and-true effort, and once he got the ropes and found his groove, my oh my
This boy would have it all
Sophistication ✨
Class ✨✨
Flair ✨✨✨
He’s got a plethora of fruit and stylish attire too
And his aesthetic is so simple but chic
He’s got this whole clean and polished vibe
Lots of artwork and creativity
He’s even got traps that look like fancy furniture
Those are mainly for Han Jisung tho
That oughta teach him to quit nosing around and taking his DIYs <_<
One time he tried stealing a few apples for Swag HOT Island
Didn’t go well sis...
He made it to just outside the pier before getting lost in the hedge maze by Cafe Seungmin
After that Seungmin closed him into a corner as punishment and wouldn’t let him out until he dropped the Apple
But Jisung was feeling pretty prideful that day so he ate it instead 🗿💧
Anyway
This guy would def make a character that looks just like him!
Would he try new hair colors and face paint? ...Maybe
It seems like a sorta-Seungmin thing to do
Seungmin would wanna be the best of the best while still staying true to himself, so you’ll likely see tier one and two villagers that he particularly fancies
Fancy you, fancy me 🥳✨💃🏻🎶
He’d also be one to go around admiring the chaos from the background while occasionally becoming the chaos
Kinda like the Cheshire Cat 😅
When challenging the others to an art contest (who could buy the most expensive artifact from Redd without using the internet) he switched some of the other members paintings while they were distracted by a meteor shower
“Look, a shooting star! And another one!”
“Make a wish.���
“How do I do that?!”
“Tilt your camera towards the sky and press A.”
“I’ve got my camera app open and it’s just taking photos???”
“Not you CAMERA camera—“
“Hey! Chan hyung, Minho just stole my star!!!”
“I didn’t see your NAME on it...”
“Don’t fight, you can each have half!”
“That’s not how it works at all...”
...Anyway
It was pretty comical until Changbin had to say something, about the art that is
Then Minnie had to bounce before the angry shovels and nets caught up to him
“Hey!!! Why is my painting on Minho’s side???”
“Why is everyone attacking me???”
“Oh, Hyunjin has my painting...”
“I do not! ...Oh hey I do? Why’d you put it over here?”
“I DIDN’T!”
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
...
🛫 🏃🏻♀️💨
Poor Minnie just wanted to have some fun amongst the confusion 😔
But
When it gets right down to it, you better believe this boy would be an aesthetic and skillful player ✨
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✧ Yang Jeongin ⇢ Go Away Island ✧
Passport Title ⇢ Mistakingly Caught Son
Go Away Island means just what the title intends: go away :)
Initially, Jeongin was prepared for what he senior members would do
He knew there would be much anticipation to visit the 막내’s island and drive him crazy
Sometimes, he doesn’t mind it
But others he just wants to be left alone and do his own thing
When he started the game, it was one of those days
So he wanted to make the message clear 😤😤
Also, Don’t Bother Me seemed to be too long 🤷🏻♀️
Go Away was straight to the point ;D
Anyhoo
On Go Away, you’ll encounter lots of cute characters 💓
Innie has a very cute and true-to-himself aesthetic
He doesn’t understand much of the mechanics but he’s working on it okay?
And he’s getting better every day!
Okay, so like, sometimes he’ll allow Chan to come over and help
Or Felix or maybe Seungmin if he promises to be genuine and behave
But like
The rest of the members are semi-banned
Hyunjin gets a pass if he whines enough
Or he’ll come up with a crafty excuse to come over
“Innie, look! I got peaches on my island! Don’t you want one? They’re cute like you! 😩❣️”
...He could do without that last embarrassing remark but okay sure
He really did want those peaches for his picnic garden 😔✊🏻
In terms of hair color? We’re on a rotation like Felix
We’re trying lots of hair colors
And a few aesthetic designs, too!
Jeongin is very resourceful when it comes to QR codes, something Felix and Seungmin taught him
He uses them to set flowers and stones pathways everywhere
And an especially prominent one leading to the door 👉🏻🚪
♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫
↬ Which island will you be visiting? 🌴✨
♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫
ღ Stray Kids M.List | M.List ღ
#stray kids#stray kids imagines#stray kids scenarios#stray kids reactions#stray kids preferences#stray kids fanfiction#stray kids fanfics#stray kids oneshots#stray kids blurbs#stray kids fluff#stray kids gamer au#skz#kpop#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop reactions#kpop preferences#kpop fanfiction#kpop fanfics#kpop oneshots#kpop blurbs#bang chan#lee minho#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#kim seungmin#yang jeongin#animal crossing: new horizons
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Do you have any good suicidal Sherlock? Or ones where he self harms???
@vg-remy said to inevitably-johnlocked: can we get John left sherlock for Mary after he returns and sherlock grew suicidal
Hey Lovelies! *HUGS*
Remy, I don’t really read many fics within which Sherlock and John don’t end up together, so I can’t recall much in that way. BUT because this fic is looking for Suicidal Sherlock, I’ve decided to attach it to this list.
So, yes, Nonny I absolutely do. I’ve done lists in the past for Self Harm so I’ll link you to those below. I’m going to put both John and Sherlock fics on here, and 95% of these have happy endings, because I can’t do sad stuff too much anymore lately, so I hope that’s okay
SUICIDAL IDEATION
See also:
Self Harm, Danger Nights, and Drugs
Drugs and Drugging Pt 2
Alexx’s Lists:
Suicidal Sherlock
Suicidal John
Suicide Mission Post TAB
Voices by fizzingweaselbee (T, 607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Mental Turmoil, Suicidal Ideations) – “We would never do that to John Watson.”
Stay by sussexbound (M, 2,067 w., 1 Ch. || Post TAB, Suicidal Ideation Mention, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Love Confessions, Frottage, Coming in Pants) – “Why? Why did you do it? Hmm…?” He takes a deep breath, waits, lets it out again. “Look at me.” There’s no denying him when he takes this tone. “Why did you kill him? Hmm…? For her? After…” A muscle twitches in the corner of John’s eye, and he clamps his jaw down tightly, swallows and sniffs a little before continuing. “For her? After everything she’s done?” “For you.” Before he can even stop himself. Just like that.
Pen Pals by WerewolfDoctor (K, 2,797 w., 1 Ch. || Epistolary, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF) – Most people don’t become pen pals by one of them writing a not-suicide note. Then again, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson have never exactly been normal, have they?
Too Late by SJBHasADayPass (T, 3,390 w., 2 Ch. || Angst, Suicide, Tragedy, Major Character Death, First Person POV, Unhappy Ending) – Six months after the Fall, John is finding it difficult without Sherlock, and Sherlock is finding it just as painful.
Watching You Die by laureleaf (T, 10,340 w., 11 Ch. || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Suicide, Switching POVs, Sort-of Rev. Reich., Whump) – John watched Sherlock die three years ago, and Sherlock just watched John die. But neither of them are actually dead. Now an AU, with nods to “The Adventure of the Empty House”. Lots of angst and post-Reichenbach feels. No slash.
There’s So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”
Software Malfunction by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (E, 16,679 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Android Sherlock, Love Story, Unhappy Ending, Angst, Suicide, Jealousy) – “You think I can’t love you? Just because you’re made with metal, and detailed programming?” The doctor propped himself on his elbow, and looked down at it. “I am nothing but blood and bone, and tissue. Things just managed get mashed together in a manner that made me like this. Just like you were put together to make you how you are. When I kiss you-” he did so, briefly, to prove his point. Then more deeply, and lingering, because he could. “When I touch you, or smile at you, does it make you feel different from when others have done it in the past?”
Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.
State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w., 4 Ch. || S3 Fix It, Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance, Humour, Masturbation, Love Declarations, Bottomlock, Brief Suicidal Ideations) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.
A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.
Turn Left at the Park by Glenmore (NR (E), 37,409 w., 28 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting / ASiP Divergence, Case Fic, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Loneliness, No Mary, Possessive Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Nightmares/PTSD, Sherlock Saves John, Sherlock Whump-ish, Doctor John) – So what would have happened if John hadn’t walked through the park and met Stamford?What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?
Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”
A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space
The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn’t have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.
Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.
Darkling, I Listen by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 73,254 w., 8 Ch. || Fairy Tale AU || Loosely Based on Beauty and the Beast, Magical Realism, Suicidal Themes, Romance, Creepiness, Adventure) – No one who enters old London ever comes out. They say that the beast devours them. When his sister disappears, John ventures into the dead zone beyond the wall, and finds a brilliant madman under a terrible curse… Part 1 of Darkling I Listen + Extras, Deleted Scenes
Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?
Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.
Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU || BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn’t truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes.“ Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest
Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.
Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.
MARKED FOR LATER
Interview by bluebellofbakerstreet (G, 2,791 w., 2 Ch. || Punk AU || Past Drug Use, Past Suicidal Ideation, Implied Mystrade, Punklock / Bandlock, Fanart Included) – What’s better than John Watson and Sherlock Holmes in a punk band? John Watson and Sherlock Holmes on the cover of the Rolling Stone, and giving an interview.
For The Sake Of Being Interesting by SaintClaire (M, 2,797 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Suicide / Suicidal Ideation, MCD, Angst, Unhappy Ending) – How John Watson coped after the Reichenbach Falls. Hint - it wasn’t positive.
All we do is hide away by AnneCumberbatch (E, 3,895 w., 38 Ch. || Post-TRF, Depressed John, John’s Blog/Epistolary, Paternal Mrs Hudson, Meddling Mycroft, Hospitalization, Mental Breakdown, Reunion, Fainting, Delusions, Pre-Slash, POV First Person John, Suicidal Ideation / Implied Suicide Attempt) – It’s been 35 days since Sherlock threw himself off of Bart’s hospital in front of John’s eyes. 35 days since John threw himself onto the pavement at Sherlock’s side, his knees soaking up the blood from his best friend. 35 days since John’s world shuttered closed and dried up. 35 days.
Because I Love Him by CumberCurlyGirl (M, 3,991 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Angst, Mutual Pining, Alcohol Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, POV Alternating First Person, Love Confessions, Violin, Happy Ending) – John is lost after Sherlock’s apparent suicide and takes a few items from 221B to comfort himself.
Premeditated by Mazarin221b (E, 4,033 w., 1 Ch. || Suicidal Ideation, Dark Thoughts, Torture, Depression, Captivity, First Kiss) – John and Sherlock are captured, tortured, and imprisoned - and eventually, they realize, there’s only one way out.
So True a Fool by ladyxdarcy (M, 4,963 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmates AU || Post-ASiB/Pre-THoB, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Bisexual John, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Sick Sherlock, Fluff and Angst, Angst with Happy Ending, Mild Telepathy, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love) – Every pair of soulmates has one listener and one speaker. It is the listener’s job to find the speaker and embrace their bond. John knew the instant he heard the strange man’s voice that he was his soulmate, but never reveals the truth, resulting in severe consequences. (Based on this prompt)
The Violin of Ruin and Favour Series by PizzaMan (T, 5,923 w. across 4 fics || Post-TRF, Sherlock’s Violin, Angst With Happy Ending, John Plays the Violin, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Depression / Suicidal Mentions) – 3 years after the Fall and Sherlock comes back. During that time, John had learned to play the violin.
The Gun Drawer (Ch10) by CarmillaCarmine (M, 5,985 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Five Stages of Grief, Suicidal John, Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Introspection) – A dive into John’s chaotic mind as he reminisces on the first 18 months after Sherlock’s fall. Part 10 of the The Memoirs of Dr. John H. Watson series
Waiting To Be Known by soera (R, 7,414 w., 1 Ch., LJ Fic || S2 Fic, Implied Bullying, Implied Suicide/Suicidal Ideation, Minor Character Death, Drug Use, Sexual Violence on a Child) – John Watson has been saving Sherlock’s life for a very long time, even if he doesn’t know it.
A Study in Asexuality by ladyxdarcy (M, 8,082 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Acephobia, Mentions of Rape/Corrective Rape Therapy, Past Suicidal Ideation, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Overdose, Past Mary/John, Emotional Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Vulnerable Sherlock, Est. Rel., Angst with Happy Ending, Fluff) – When Sherlock, asexual to his core, fears that John may grow bored of a sexless life, he decides to do whatever it takes to make John happy so he stays. Good thing John is already happy.
bread and honey by weneedtotalkaboutsherlock (M, 8,814 w., 8 Ch. || Farming AU || Second Person POV Sherlock, Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Therapy, Alcohol Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Abuse, Early Retirement, Seizures, Service Dogs, First Kiss/Time, Happy Ending) – The next thing you are sure and aware of is the mix of mud and water seeping through your shoes as the cabbie drops you in front of the old farmhouse. You do not know this, but today marks the first day of spring.
September 20th by HappyJuicyfruit (T, 10,111 w., 1 Ch. || Time Loop, Angst, Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, PTSD John, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending) – Sherlock keeps reliving the same day. He isn’t very happy about it.
You Don’t Need Wings to Fly by Laiquilasse (T, 11,326 w., 11 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Bullying, Angels, Suicidal Ideation, Christmas) – John, an angel, is sent from Heaven to help a desperate Sherlock Holmes by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed.
Mental by Boeshane42 (E, 18,128 w., 1 Ch. || Mental Illness, Discussion of Suicide, Drugs) – Sherlock Holmes is a patient in a closed psychiatric ward. John Watson is his new psychiatrist.
Other Side of The Moon by love_in_mind_palace (T, 23,446 w., 7 Ch. || Post-TRF, BAMF John, BAMF Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the fall Sherlock goes away to dismantle Moriarty’s network while living through different identities and hiding. But then something unexpected starts to happen. After a while of everything going according to plan, he’s suddenly just too late everywhere. Because someone was there before him, and took care of everything. It takes him a while. But then he realises. It’s John. Avenging his death.
The House on Rue des Boulangers by Berty (M, 24,299 w., 8 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Developing Relationship, Hiding in Plain Sight, PTSD, Depression, France, Frottage, First Kiss, Bees and Honey, Suicidal Thoughts, Gardens & Gardening, POV John, Angsty Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcoholism, Falling in Love, Happy Ending) – After being invalided out of the army and without any other prospects, John Watson has relocated to a small town in northern France. Now he has to decide what to do for the rest of his life. One morning there’s a mad stranger in his garden chasing a swarm of bees, and it seems John’s decision is made.
(Life is) A Series of Risks by SkipandDi (ladyflowdi) (E, 36,499 w., 4 Ch. || Alternate Universe || Post-TRF, Kid Fic, Parentlock, Temporary Character Death, Established Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Grief, Violence, Psychological Trauma, PTSD) – The work comes first.
White Tulip by withoutawish (E, 40,624 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3, Copper Beeches / Solitary Cyclist Rewrite, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction (Sherlock), Angst, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, PTSD, Pining, Metaphors, String Theory, Graphic Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock is in love with John Watson. John Watson is in love with Mary Morstan. Sherlock likes Mary Morstan just fine. Sherlock likes drugs more. And most importantly, Sherlock doesn’t like Sherlock. String theory dictates the laws of the universe. But their story isn’t one that can be boxed up neatly, tied in a heartstring bow. "After all, the axioms of homeostasis dictate that an infinity sign of negative feedback can only loop back in on itself.”
Sunday Matinee by hogwartswitch (E, 44,597 w., 12 Ch. || College / Uni 1980′s AU || Fluff and Angst, Movies, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice, Mutual Pining, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Homelessness, Anal/Oral, Fingering, Rimming, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, HIV/AIDS, Mentions of Cancer, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Depression, Epistolary, Love Letters, Suicide Attempt, Blow Jobs, Time Skips) – The year is 1984 and it’s a great time for movies and movie fans. John Watson is a struggling film school student with dreams of being a screenwriter. It’s a dream come true when his friend, Mike, gets him a job reviewing movies for the university paper. Sherlock Holmes is also a film school student with dreams of directing, but he’s also struggling to get his life back on track. The job at Baker Cinema is supposed to help him do just that, but it’s SO BORING. Until, that is, a young movie reviewer buys a ticket to Footloose and Sherlock’s life suddenly becomes very, very complicated.
Focal Point by PuffleLock (E, 60,913 w., 13 Ch. || Post-TRF Divergence / Different Reunion, POV John, Slow Burn, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad Wank, Sherlock in Makeup, Dancing, Mentions of Torture / Depression / PTSD, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Scars, Rimming, Anal, Toplock, First Kiss / Time, Gay Sherlock / Bi John) – John comes home early from a medical conference to find that every once in awhile, Sherlock can surprise the hell out of him. Can John surprise him back?
A Change of Heart by SosoHolmesWatson (E, 65,436 w., 20 Ch. || Post-S4 / Canon Compliant, Jealous Sherlock, Past Abuse, Parentlock, Dev. Rel., Idiots in Love, Suicidal Sherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Mollstrade, Coming Out, Love Confessions, Big Brother Mycroft, John’s Childhood, POV Alternating, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Hand Jobs) – After all they have been through, after all the heartbreak and desolation, John and Sherlock want to make their way back to each other, still convinced that friendship is all that can exist between them. Will there be a change of heart? Part 1 of the The Pains of Growing series
The Improbable Match by elle_m and sherlockianworld (E, 67,626 w., 31 Ch. || Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence, Texting, Mutual Pining, Drug Use/Abuse, Angst With Happy Ending, Major Character Injury, Alcoholism, Withdrawal, Teenlock, Self-Harm, Bullying, Suicidal Ideations, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia) – When Gregory Lestrade decided to play matchmaker, he did not realise that his harmless plan would change the lives of two damaged people forever.
Patterns of Silver Birds by SincerelyChaos (E, 68,872 w., 20 Ch. || Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Synesthesia, Falling in Love, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Psychotropic Drugs, PTSD, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, First Time, Autism Spectrum, Internalized Ableism, Tics, Canon-Typical Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Psychology, Recovery) – In which love could really be considered a chemical defect and aeroplanes are nothing but silver birds.
Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”
Be Here Now by Todesfuge (M, 94,370 w., 25 Ch. || Post-TRF, Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Angst, Action/Adventure, Whump, Suicidal Thoughts, First Time, Depression, Drug Use/Non-Con Drug Use, PTSD, Suicide Attempt, Medical Trauma, Implied Torture) – John Watson was already fighting demons when he and Sherlock met. With Sherlock’s suicide, it all comes flooding back, forcing Sherlock to intervene before he’s solved the persistent riddles of Jim Moriarty and his game. Together they find that something darker lurks behind Moriarty, forcing Sherlock, John, and Irene Adler into an even deadlier game with a much more dangerous foe. Begins six months after the events of The Reichenbach Fall. Part 1 of the Be Here Now Universe
The Paradox Series by wordstrings (M to E, 98,863 w. across 8 Stories || First Kiss / Time, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity / Dubious Ethics, Angst, Psychopathy, Depression / Suicidal Ideation, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Possessive Behaviour, Homophobia, Sexuality) – In which what’s in Sherlock’s head is never going to get any better, and John is nearly thrown out of his flat.
Will You Take Me Home? by Jobooksandcoffee (E, 114,689 w., 22 Ch. || Post S4, Post Break Up, Angst With Happy Ending, Angst and Feels, Parent-Child Relationship, Therapy, Friends With Benefits, Ex Sex, Messy Idiots, Fights, Mutual Pining, Mutual Jealousy, Slow Burn, Mentions of Drugs/Overdose, Suicidal Ideation) – Inspired by the wondrous "Know You All Over Again” by the brilliant Poppy Alexander, it is story of a painful break up. Two men are looking for ways to cope, to raise their 10 year old girl, to find reasons for going on. They need help of family and friends to make it through. Will each be able to do what the other needs? Will they be able to trust again? Sherlock and John must find themselves and unearth what went wrong, so they can build a new relationship.
Scheherezade by sgam76 (G, 197,576 w., 45 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF/Pre-TSo3, PTSD Sherlock, Implied/Referenced Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Humour, Protective John, Papa Lestrade, Big Brother Mycroft, BAMF John, BAMF Sherlock, Aftermath of Serbia, Past Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Drunk Sherlock, Canon Compliant, Suicidal Thoughts / Attempt) – Sherlock is home, he and John are returning to cases, and all’s right with the world–right? But a series of minor mishaps and injuries makes two things very clear to his friends and family: first, Sherlock’s time away wasn’t the grand adventure everyone has assumed it was; and second, that time has left Sherlock with a legacy that’s bleeding into his life today. Sherlock is Not Okay, and it’s not going away. Part 1 of the Scheherezade
Conductivity Series by liriodendron (E, 207,367 w. across 7 works || TRF / Post TRF, ReunionCanon Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Romance, Sexual Tension, First Kiss/Time, Synesthesia, Power Dynamics, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Case Fic, Est. Rel., References to Drug Use, Homophobic Language, Religious Content, Intercrural Sex, Unrequited Love, Angst, References to Suicide, Injury, Anal, Dub. Con, BDSM, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Sex, Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Break Up) – In which Sherlock Holmes locates his heart, John Watson learns what it’s like to burn, and there is no darkness that cannot be made bright.
Define Vulnerabilty by TheGracefulBlueCat (T, 240,606 w. 97 Ch. || Canon Compliant, Aftermath of Torture, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Sherlock’s Violin, Doctor John, John is a Good Friend, Flashbacks, Case Fic, Sedation, Sherlock is a Mess / Not Okay, Nightmares, Big Brother Mycroft, Asperger’s Sherlock, Fainting, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Triggers, Panic Attacks, Hurt Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Blood and Gore, Drugs / Drug Use, Helpless / Vulnerable Sherlock, Protective John, Painful Repressed Memories, PTSD Sherlock, Medical Procedures, Drugged Lestrade, Lestrade Whump, Drugged Sherlock, Recovery, Crying Sherlock, Dissociation, Forehead Touching) – Shortly after Sherlock’s return John realises something is very wrong with his friend. He, Greg and Mycroft try to help Sherlock as he falls deeper and deeper into the abyss called PTSD. But Sherlock is not ready to allow anyone in, but then the events of the current case cause him to hit bottom hard. Part 8 of the Lessons in Friendship series, Part 1 of the Hiatus series
Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w., 73 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice/Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. “It is what it is.” John Watson is what happens when what “it is” becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.
The Men Who Talked Between the Words by Odamaki (E, 463,024 w., 30 Ch. || Parentlock, UST/URT, Pining Sherlock, Grieving John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Slow Burn/Build, Case Fic, First Kiss / Time, Implied/Referenced Suicide & Drug Use, Slow Burn, Sherlock Whump, Panic Attacks) – John expected to be a father some day; he expected to have the house, and the wife and the nice suburban job. Sherlock never expected to have children, in part because he never expected to make it past 30. As it turns out, you don’t get a choice. Crammed into Baker Street with a baby, John struggles with single-parenthood and his own fears, while Sherlock treads the fine line between doing too little and saying too much.
#steph replies#johnlock fic recs#suicidal ideation cw#suicide cw#self harm cw#e-rated fics#depression cw#my fic recs#Anonymous#long post
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Black Christmas (2006)
Rewatch Review
Genre: Horror
Who's In It: Michelle Trachtenberg, Katie Cassidy, Lacey Chabert, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kristen Cloke, Andrea Martin, Oliver Hudson
Who Directed It: Glen Morgan
Plot: On Christmas Eve, an escaped maniac returns to his childhood home, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one.
Run Time: 95 Minutes
Why I Rewatched It: I hadn't seen it since it first came out and I remembered that it didn't suck and I wanted to give it another go, cause I actually didn't remember that much of it.
How I Rewatched It: Super Chanel
IMDB Rating: 4.6
MetaScore: 26
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: Critics 15% Audiences 38%
Random Thoughts: Holy cow those numbers are bad, critics and audiences hated this movie. I think the numbers are very harsh and to be honest at the time I thought it was fine like a 5 or 6 out of ten but rewatching it I liked it a little more. I do think at the time we had some very bad sequels and remakes but most of them were lame PG-13 horror films, Black Christmas 2006 is a hard R, and I mean a capital R.
Also look at that cast, very weird now Chabert is a regular on the Hallmark Christmas movie circuit, Cassidy went more to TV and Winstead is working steady on film.
I should also mention that this film got remade again in 2019, that remake is mostly a remake by title alone.
What I Liked: It's rare for me to watch a film again and think wow this is better than I remember it being. In life my memory is crap but I'm good with films, I think I kind of took this lightly and probable watched it late with a few beverages and just flaked. I'll say right off the top this was a decent slasher movie and very creepy and oft putting. There is some F'd up stuff in here. Now it's a very loose remake, the first one is a cult classic and it's way better than this one but it's also a 70's film and this one is from 2006, times change. This one is an all-out slasher film, lot's of gore and feels grindhouse lite if you will. It moves well and it does have some good kills.
I also want to say this film isn't great but it does do a good job of nailing it's genre, slasher films by nature aren't great cinema but done right they can be fun. Now the one thing with this film it plays it straight, doesn't really lean into camp and to be honest if they did this could have been a minor cult classic. Will give props to director Glen Morgan who has done some could to decent horror films with Final Destination being his best. He does a good job here of keeping the pace and making this a lean and quick film.
What I Didn't Like: If there's one thing the film lacks is defined characters, this is a pretty generic film and the characters are thinly written, they are so think they're barely troupes just like rich girl number 1, no one really stands out. The film is all about the killer and most of the time that works for slasher films but you still need that one character the final girl if you will, this film does have a final girl but it seems like she's one by default, we know very little about her and really have nothing invested in her.
The actors are fine for the most part but I have to say I even forgot you was in this, I did remember Andrea Martin, she she was in the original and yes it's still a head scratcher why she was in the first one.
The ending does drag a bit and I will say they might have done one too many endings, it's the only time it felt like the film was trying to stretch it's running time. It felt like we have to go the hospital stuff or we'll only have a 80 minutes movie. I will also say that if you come into this wanting to see Mary Elizabeth Winstead you will be disappointed, she's not in it much and her character was there just to add to the body total.
Final Thoughts: I guess I'm in the minority on this one but I will say it wasn't bad for what it was and you could and I have done a lot worse in the slasher genre.
Rating: 6/10
#horror remakes#movie reviews#black christmas#glen morgan#mary elizabeth winstead#katie cassidy#lacey chabert#andrea martin#michelle trachtenberg
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[100 Truths by thev0iceofreas0n]
Lasts:
1. Last Beverage?
Milk with dinner.
2. Last Phone Call?
My mom. I was afraid we weren’t going to have enough chicken for everyone but we did.
3. Last Text Message?
Also my mom.
4. Last Song You Listened To?
I don’t remember. It was on Pandora.
5. Last Time You Cried?
This morning. I tried waking Jacob up at 6:50, but he evidently didn’t get up until 7:30, but since he usually ends up sleeping downstairs I didn’t know that. But he yelled upstairs saying he needed socks and I said I gave him some when he was laying down and then he got yelled something I don’t remember and also yelled at me because it was 7:30 which is when he was supposed to be at work, not waking up.
Have You Ever:
6. Dated Someone Twice?
Yup. It was dumb. Lol.
7. Been Cheated on?
Yup. When Jake and I first started dating. There was a thing with his ex before me. But never happened again.
8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It?
Nope.
9. Lost someone special?
Too many times.
10. Been Depressed?
Lol, I have depression so pretty often.
11. Been Drunk?
Yeah.
List Three Favorite Colors:
12. Black.
13. Light blue.
14. Light purple.
This Year Have You:
15. Made New Friends?
Not this year.
16. Fallen Out Of Love?
Nope.
17. Laughed until You Cried?
A few times. :)
18. Met Someone WHo Changed You?
Not yet.
19. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were?
You could say that.
20. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You?
Yeah, kind of.
21. Kissed anyone on your friends list?
Not on Tumblr.
22. How Many people on your friends list do you know in real life?
No one on here.
23. Do you have any pets?
Two dogs (Phe and Cocoa), two rats (Kore and Loki), and one cat (Arlo).
24. What did you do for your last birthday?
Just hung out at home and had cheesecake.
25. What time did you wake up today?
6:45 to wake up Jacob and then fell back asleep until he yelled and then I fell back asleep until I had to get up at 8.
26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Laying in bed.
27. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Ultrasound tomorrow!
28. Last time you saw your father?
Tonight. He lives with us.
29. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
Finances.
30. What are you listening to right now?
Eliana and Jacob are both watching videos.
31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?
Yeah. That’s Jacob’s stepdad’s name.
32. What’s getting on your nerves right now?
Jacob’s attitude. Almost prefer him working two jobs... he recently quit his second job at papa john’s.
You
33. What is your real name?
Marlina.
34. Zodiac Sign?
Virgo.
35. Male or Female?
Female.
36. Elementary School?
The one I was supposed to.
37. Middle School?
^^^
38. High School?
^^^^
39. Hair Color?
Medium brown? It’s not especially dark, but not really light either.
40. Long or short hair?
My hair is currently short.
41. Height?
5′3″ or something.
42. Do you have a crush on someone?
Nah.
43. What do you like about yourself?
I’m usually a good mom.
44. Piercings?
None besides earlobes these days.
45. Tattoos?
I have three.
46. Righty or Lefty?
Righty.
Firsts:
47. Surgery?
I had a couple teeth that had to be removed. Aside from that... I had my gallbladder removed after I had Wyatt.
48. Piercing?
Ears. I was weeks/months old.
49. Tattoo?
A matching flower with my mom.
50. Best Friend?
Alyson.
51. Sport you joined?
I never joined any sports.
52. Pet?
My parents had a cat when I was a baby that loved me.
53. Vacation you remembered?
Our Florida trips to visit my mom’s foster family.
54. Concert?
I don’t remember.
55. Crush?
This boy named Cooper. Lol.
56. Alcoholic Drink?
Alcoholic root beer float with Leslie. Lol.
Right Now:
57. Eating?
Nothing. We just had dinner.
58. Drinking?
Nothing but probably going to get water.
59. I’m about to..
Get a drink and warmup Jacob’s dinner.
60. Listening to..
Nothing.
.
61. Waiting for…
Tomorrow. :)
Your Future:
62. Want kids?
I have two and pregnant with another. We’re done.
63. Want to get married?
I already am.
64. Careers in mind?
Hopefully a marriage and family therapist.
Which Is Better with the opposite/same sex?
65. Lips or Eyes?
66. Hugs or Kisses?
67. Shorter or Taller?
68. Older or Younger?
69. Romantic or Spontanious?
70. Nice stomach or Nice arms?
71. Tattoos or Piercings?
72. Sensitive or Loud?
74. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?
Have You Ever (2):
75. Kissed a stranger?
No.
76. Drank hard liquor?
Many times.
77. Lost glasses/contacts?
Sunglasses.
79. Broken someone’s heart?
I guess so.
80. Had your heart broken?
Yup.
81. Been arrested?
Nope.
82. Turned someone down?
Yup.
83. Cried when someone died?
Yes. So much.
84. Liked a friend that is the same sex?
Nope.
Do You Believe In:
85. Yourself?
Not as much as I should.
86. Miracles?
Nope.
87. Love at first sight?
Yes.
88. Heaven?
Nope.
89. Santa Claus?
Nope.
90. Kissing on the first date?
Depends on the date.
91. Angels?
Nope.
92. Sex before marriage?
I had sex before marriage sooo.
93. Life on other planets?
Yeah.
94. Life after death?
No.
95. Only being with one person forever?
Hopefully but it doesn’t work for everyone.
Answer Truthfully:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now?
I’m okay.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfrend at one time?
Nope.
98. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever?
Well, yeah.
99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without?
My kids.
100. What’s one secret you have that not many people know?
I don’t know.
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Was Norman Osborn ‘flanderized’?
It has been said that over the years, particularly following his resurrection, that Norman Osborn became a caricature of himself. Does this accusation carry any weight?
First things first, let’s define what the terms ‘flanderized’ and ‘flanderization’ actually mean. The most comprehensive descriptor can be found on TV Tropes. To quote an excerpt from them:
The act of taking a single (often minor) action or trait of a character within a work and exaggerating it more and more over time until it completely consumes the character. Most always, the trait/action becomes completely outlandish and it becomes their defining characteristic.
When it comes to Norman Osborn the accusations hinge upon his evolution into a villain who:
Just wants to kill Spider-Man
Is behind everything bad in Spider-Man’s life
Makes Spider-Man the point of all of his schemes
The latter point is often accompanied by referencing Norman’s original goal of taking over New York’s gangs. The idea being that originally Norman wanted to take over the gangs and then was ‘flanderized’ into being obsessed with Spider-Man.
To an extent these accusations carry merit, but not really the way detractors might think.
I’ll begin by addressing the two most obvious counterpoints.
Firstly, the idea that Norman’s vendetta and schemes against Spider-Man are ‘outlandish’ is a hollow critique in context.
Almost everything in super hero comic books is outlandish, even accepting the pseudo-science of super powers. The majority of super villains could make more money legitimately than as criminals.
Common crooks would be unlikely to go to jail if any masked vigilante beat them up. The world at large would never resemble the real world on any level if even one super powered being existed as it’d redefine what it meant to be human. Not to mention the confirmation of life on other planets, other dimensions, parallel universes, alternate timelines and the existence of deities and the afterlife.
So Norman Osborn’s schemes (the most ambitious of which was the ‘Clone Saga’) are only outlandish if we take it on face value. In context, it’s merely a large-scale version of super villain standard practices. After all, perhaps the two greatest Doc Ock stories of all time respectively involved him having secretly built an underwater base out of a James Bond movie and attempting to nuke New York City.
As for Norman ‘just’ wanting to kill Spidey, I’ve already addressed that in an earlier article.
Moving, on let’s talk about Norman’s schemes. Did they all revolve around Spider-Man? Well, even dismissing his post-OMD stories or stint as an Avenger, this is simply not true.
Osborn actually retained his gangland aspirations in the 1990s. In fact that was his primary concern in Europe between his ‘death’ and ‘resurrection’.
When he returned to America during the ‘Clone Saga’ it was revealed (through exposition provided by the Rose) that Osborn was still very much involved in acquiring power through the criminal underworld.
Spider-Man: Made Men #1 revolved around various gangland figures vying for power. Osborn was unsurprisingly among the figures depicted.
There was some follow up to this in Peter Parker: Spider-Man #95 when the Kingpin tried to assassinate Norman as a rival gangster.
So Peter was absolutely not at the root of all of Norman’s schemes.
Nor was he behind the majority of the bad things in Spidey’s life. Between 1997-2007 alone Norman had nothing to do with:
The Chameleon learning Spider-Man’s identity
The resurrection of Doctor Octopus
Mary Jane’s death being faked by her stalker
Spidey’s duels with Morlun
The Venom symbiote seeking out new and more violent hosts, including Mac Gargan
The destruction of Peter and MJ’s apartment and of Aunt May’s home
Peter’s failing health and death in ‘The Other’ arc
Aunt May being shot courtesy of the Kingpin
So when we look at the facts, Norman just doesn’t fit the definition of flanderization listed above. He’s far from a caricature of his early appearances. This is actually fairly uncommon in general among Silver Age characters. The vast majority of all characters who were around back then have developed at least some layers of complexity since then; if anything that’d be the opposite of flanderization if anything.
This is unquestionably the case for Norman Osborn. Through stories and issues like Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #14, ‘Revenge of the Green Goblin’, Spider-Man: Legacy of Evil #1 and ‘A Death in the Family’ Norman Osborn’s personality and psychology has been immensely expanded upon from what it was between 1964-1973.
But I do not deny the idea that Norman has changed and become more focused upon Spider-Man himself. Initially his primary goal was the conquest of the criminal underworld, through which the death of Spidey was a means to an end. But from the 1996-2005 (and arguably since Superior Spider-Man v1 #4 in 2013) Norman’s primary concern seems to have been his feud with Peter.
However, these accusations against the character seem to treat this change as unnatural. As though lazy writing simply kept exaggerating one trait of Norman’s and consequently made that the crux of the character.
In reality though this change in priorities was entirely organic. Norman grew gradually more and more frustrated with Spidey’s interference until he decided to just find out who he was and destroy him. Upon learning one another’s identities that was when Norman and Peter’s relationship fundamentally changed. It became less about gangland aspirations but far more personal. This didn’t occur due to lazy writing across time, it was an evolution during he same run that invented Norman. And it happened around 2 years following his debut.
From there Norman was integrated into Peter’s social circle and Harry was unwittingly caught in the center of their feud. After ASM #40 every time Norman remembered he was the Goblin he wasn’t going after Spidey to rule the gangs, he was pursuing a personal vendetta against him. ‘The Death of Gwen Stacy’ in particular displayed this as Norman sought revenge for Peter giving him amnesia and for the harm he felt he’d done to Harry.
So, Norman’s priorities had fundamentally pivoted within less than 10 years of his debut. And it wasn’t due to lazy writing that ‘drifted’ him in that direction. It was an entirely believable evolution of what had began as a practical consideration and then spiraled into a personal blood feud.
Detractors though might argue that Norman became a caricature upon his return in 1996.
Even if he was manipulative and at times nasty in the Silver Age, it wasn’t nearly to the same extent as his portrayal in the 90s and beyond.
This is perfectly true. And you know what, the same can be said of the impact he had upon Peter’s life. He became far more integral to shaping Peter’s life from the 1996 onwards than he’d ever been in the Silver Age.
On these counts perhaps it’d be accurate to argue Norman became flanderized.
At which point I must ask…why is that a bad thing?
Let me give you an example that’s a bit left field.
In the 2010 animated show ‘Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated’ the classic Hanna-Barbera meddling kids got a major update. The most starkly different character though was Fred Jones. In the original and majority of Scooby-Doo shows Fred had almost always been both the de facto leader and the guy who planned the traps.
He was also the single blandest character of the main five, even excusing the pretty simple personalities of the rest of the gang.* SDMI however outright flanderized him. He went from the guy who happened to be in charge of setting the traps to someone literally obsessed with traps.
And you know what? He became immeasurably more interesting as a result. Suddenly he had a role within the group as the eccentric, the strategist and his interest in mysteries had more specificity as he actively looked for chances to ensnare would be ghosts and ghouls.
Whilst it’s often not the case, SDMI’s take on Fred proves that flanderization is not inherently a bad thing.
This is certainly true in Norman’s case. His vendetta with Spider-Man, status as puppeteer and framing as the ultimate evil within the Spider-Man universe has been used to great effect over the years.
As a puppeteer and manipulator he was given greater scope to attack Peter and his loved ones, thereby making him a far more dangerous villain that Spidey couldn’t just knock out with a punch.
His framing as an ultimate evil also helps render Peter’s heroism in starker contrast. Everything that makes Spider-Man a true hero and champion for good is spotlighted whenever he confronts the sheer sadism and malevolence of Norman. Personally, I feel Peter Parker: Spider-Man #75 is the greatest example of this.
Call me crazy or old-fashioned but isn’t this an essential function of a villain in superhero fiction?**
And the emphasis upon the Parker/Osborn feud simply made their encounters more emotionally gripping. We all read Peter Parker’s adventures specifically for Peter’s character. We don’t want just any given person (spider powers or not) in the spotlight. We want to follow the ups and downs of his life, his relationships with his friends, family and colleagues, what job he’s working, where he lives, how he provides for himself and others, etc.
The Spider-Man story is in essence is the life of Peter Parker.
Having a villain who has a dramatic impact upon both halves of Peter’s life is more than creatively justifiable. It makes every encounter personal and if we read Spidey because we’re personally invested in his life then Norman’s vendetta renders him perennial relevant.
He is the villain who fundamentally tests the soul of our hero.
This isn’t to say that it wouldn’t be nice for Norman to be written with goals beyond Spider-Man. But my point is that making that his priority was never ever a problem in the first place.
In short, Norman Osborn was better for his flanderization.
*Noticeably Fred’s character has had the most reinventions over the years when you look at wider Scooby media.
He’s been a cool douchebag in the live action films, something of a conspiracy theorist in ‘A Pup Named Scooby-Doo’, a cameraman in ‘Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island’, etc.
The lack of uniformity to his character is very likely an indicator of how simple and bland he originally was; and has largely remained since.
On a symbolic level one could even argue that Norman’s elevation to this personification of evil was appropriate for an older and adult Spider-Man. As we grow up the world in general grows darker and more sinister, presenting challenges that test our inner resolve.
A great example from modern literature would be Harry Potter. Harry ages from 11-17 across the seven novels, each of which dials up the amount of pain, cruelty and death Harry must confront.
#Spider-Man#Norman Osborn#Harry Osborn#Green Goblin#The Green Goblin#Clone Saga#the Clone Saga#Peter Parker#Fred Jones#Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated#Scooby-Doo#Aunt May#May Parker
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Body Hair Positivity: Good or Gross?
It’s been a trend lately to embrace a more diverse image of beauty. Freckles and muffin tops, dark skin and curly hair, scars, tattoos, unusual proportions, crooked teeth, pretty much anything is supposed to be accepted under the banner of Body Positivity.
But what about body hair?
And I’m not just talking about armpits or legs. I also mean unusual body hair. The kind people don’t talk about. The kind women aren’t “supposed” to have: chest hair, happy trails, beards, back hair. The kind that doctors call hirsutism and is often associated with hormonal imbalances from things like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Cushing Syndrome, medication side effects, menopause, or even just genetics. It affects somewhere between 5%-10% of women depending on the region surveyed but may be higher as it can often go undiagnosed.
It’s not like we’re taught how healthy body hair should look.
Humans have been removing body hair since before recorded history. Archaeologists have found evidence of early humans using clam shells and shark teeth to remove body hair. Ancient Egyptians are well known for their full body waxes. Ancient Greeks considered it “uncivilized” for a woman to have pubic hair. Roman boys celebrated their entry into manhood with a mandatory first shave. And medieval European Ladies plucked daily to remove all hair from their brows, temples, and neck - some even plucked their eyelashes. The “New World” was no stranger to body hair removal either. Thomas Jefferson, and many others, wrote of some Native Americans’ depilatory obsession.
“With [Native Americans] it is disgraceful to be hairy on the body. They say it likens them to hogs. They therefore pluck the hair as fast as it appears.”
- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia
In the non-native US, body hair removal wasn’t really a big thing until the 20th century when we did a complete 180 on the subject. Before that Puritan values made sure that most body hair was covered by clothing so few bothered to remove it since no one was gonna see what was under all that cloth. Now recent studies say that 93 to 99 percent of American women regularly remove their body hair, making it one of our most widely practiced beauty norms. Girls as young as 10 are pressured into shaving, waxing, plucking, threading, anything to remove errant hairs as soon as they start to sprout. Refusal to do so leaves us open to bullying, both on the playground and in the office. Visible body hair can cost a woman jobs, promotions, and relationships so most of us remove it, no matter the cost. Which one study worked out to be more than $10,000 over the course of her life for the average American woman who shaves. If she waxes instead the bill goes over $23,000.
So what happened?
“Where eighteenth-century naturalists and explorers considered hair-free skin to be the strange obsession of indigenous peoples, Cold War-era commentators blithely described visible body hair on women as evidence of a filthy, ‘foreign’ lack of hygiene.”
- Rebecca Herzig, Plucked, a History of Hair Removal
The driving forces behind hair removal in America are the same three that cause most of the nation’s problems: greed, sexism, and racism. Let’s go in chronological order.
As the “Age of Enlightenment” began to secularize European politics, Imperialists needed a new excuse to justify their expansion into non-European territory. Naturalists like the still famous Charles Darwin handed them pseudoscience. It’s debatable whether or not these naturalists intended their work to be used as the foundation for white supremacist ideology that still plagues us today but there’s no question about how racists interpreted it. They saw evolution as a line that went from ape through colored people and ends at Aryan. Real science tells us that’s not at all correct and if anyone is closer to cave man it’s white people who often have Neanderthal in their DNA. But they didn’t have genetic sequencers back then so they used physical traits to “prove” it instead. Part of this was a gross mischaracterization that body hair could be used to determine a person’s place within the line of human evolution. They claimed people with coarse, dark hair were closer to apes and those with thin, light hair were more evolved. Guess who picked up on that concept in the 20th century.
Darwin further complicated matters in his attempt to explain why some white people were hairier than some indigenous populations by associating hairiness with evolutionary backsliding and mental illness.
“[Hairiness in Europeans] is due to partial reversion; for characters which have been at some former period long inherited are always apt to return. We have seen that idiots are often very hairy, and they are apt to revert in other characters to a lower animal type.”
- Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man
Other scientists and even medical experts of the time ran with this idea and before long the educated elite considered hairiness (along with other non-Aryan traits) to be a symptom of disease, insanity, and criminal violence. The uneducated masses were more familiar with freak show displays of unusually hairy people as “missing links” to our primate ancestors. Both cases considered having body hair to be a very bad thing. They’re also very bad science and not at all true.
Despite these very strong, racist feelings about body hair, it still wasn’t common for American women to remove it beyond the upper lip, neck, jaw, or between the eyebrows. Most women don’t have much hair there and those that did rarely had time or money to invest in removing it. Also they wouldn’t be caught dead admitting they had to so historical records might not be accurate about how many women actually plucked. For the first half of American history peach fuzz and other light hair was seen as normal and clothes covered the rest. But the 20th century not only saw women wearing less cloth and showing more skin it also saw them calling for gender equality. Critics of women’s liberation often accused suffragettes of sexual inversion - aka acting too much like men, which they saw as an abhorrent threat. To really drive this point home they often depicted women’s rights activists as being hairy, thus politicizing our pits. Pair this with the “hygiene” movement’s embrace of already mentioned racist views on body hair and you have a recipe for weaponized shame.
“Self-consciousness brings timidity, restrained action and awkwardness. The use of Del-a-tone relieves the mind from anxious watchfulness of movement.”
- 1919 Del-a-tone depilatory advertisement
Enter Capitalism. Producers of hair removal products wanted to up sales so they did the exact same thing that was done with every other beauty product on the market - shame women into buying their stuff. It’s debatable if this was motivated purely by greed, in an attempt to reach an untapped market, or if the resulting gender oppression was intentional but men were spared of this aggressive shaming (until recently at least). Women, on the other hand, were flooded with advertisements for body hair removal products. From the first “razor for women” in 1915 to 21st century laser hair removal ads, women are constantly being reminded of our body hair. It doesn’t take a genius seeing ads that call smooth skin “attractive” or “sanitary” to extrapolate the opposite - that body hair is ugly, and dirty. A series of ads for Del-a-tone depilatory products even called it “necessary” for sleeveless fashion and suggests that not using their product will lead to social anxiety. Pair that with only ever using shaved models in all of fashion advertising and you send a pretty clear message: female body hair is something to be ashamed of. Advertising works. Now most American women actually feel gross if they’ve missed a shave, despite body hair being perfectly natural and not at all dirty. This disgust is so strong it has even bled over into an aversion toward male body hair which has seen a sharp decline in popularity since the shaggy chested disco days. Now men are being inundated with “manscaping” advertisements and expectations of manicured if not completely removed body hair.
So that’s the background but where’s this going?
While female body hair removal is firmly ingrained in western beauty standards, a new generation of women are rebelling against those ideals - body hair included. Recent studies have shown a shift in body hair trends among young women. Only 77% percent of women 16 to 24 reported regularly shaving their pits in 2016 and 85% shaved their legs, down from 95% and 92% respectively just two years prior. Since then we’ve started to see models, celebrities, and everyday women with unshaven pits and hairy legs. Body positivity campaigns have even gotten a few advertisers to include body hair in their ads. Now you can see razors actually shaving hair from women’s bodies instead of inexplicably running over baby smooth skin.
Women have always told ourselves that hair removal is a choice but we’ve never before been encouraged to choose not doing it. Instead we’ve been brainwashed to think it’s dirty and disgusting and that no one will accept us for being hairy. Today’s young woman is actually presented with a choice, “to shave or not to shave” and a lot of them are choosing not to. Which is great news for people like me who have hirsutism and are sick of being shamed for how nature made us.
But we’ve still got a very long way to go before I can be confident that my neck beard won’t hold me back both socially and professionally. A lot of the women who have publicly displayed body hair in recent years have come under attack by people calling them various shades of “gross” and some have even been sent death threats. It’s one thing for a rich and famous Hollywood movie star to take that kind of risk but for an autistic office worker living in a conservative backwater that’s a whole different game.
Whatever your thoughts and feelings on body hair, America still hasn’t escaped the shame of the last hundred years. Women are still very much judged for being hairy. A lot of people still think it’s gross. I’m not one of them but I’m full of unpopular opinions.
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